Kgal wrote: I wish bekunomuntu ongangidla nje. Ngineminyaka emithathu ngingadliwa. Mhn...umthondo uma usungena, usungincela umsunu ngize ngichama, bese ungena ngingavele ngizichamele nje. Awu bakithi ngizweleni bo! I am in jhb. wbgazu@gmail.com And if only they upheld [the law of] the Torah, the Gospel, and what has been revealed to them from their Lord, they would have consumed [provision] from above them and from beneath their feet. Among them are a moderate community, but many of them - evil is that which they do. Abesifazane ngokuphelele ukuthanda izincomo. Cishe indlela engcono kabanzi wazama kakhulu ukuheha abesifazane. Mthwakazi:The progress of a traditional marriage arrangement was/is characterised by a series of elaborate reciprocal sacrifices and exchange of gifts. Amalobolo [amabheka] are an integral part of this process. In other words, without amalobolo, the marriage process would be "incomplete" [in the traditional sense]. Another way to look at it is this: you need four [not less] wheels to get your automobile up and running. There's a reason why an automobile has four wheels, it's not just artistic work. There's a lot of physics and engineering behind it. However, I do suppose that a marriage can "work" and last a life time, in the absence of amabheka. And I'm sure there are countless couples these days who don't even bother about izinto zamabheka. It's become more or less a matter of choice, which is understandable. That said, just because one has made a choice not to engage in ezamalobolo, doesn't mean one then has a right to go out and proclaim that amalobolo should be erased from our culture. It would be like changing the rules of a game to suit your own skill level! That's scandalous, I think. Anyway, I digress. I think we should focus on the term "amabheka". ESiNtwini, there's always logic [rhyme and reason] behind nomenclature. This is not to say that I don't understand the concerns being raised about amalobolo esimanjemanje. Of course, there'll always be people, unfortunately, who abuse the system and tarnish its value. Using amalobolo for profiteering yihlazo. Akusona iSiNtu sakwethu, cha. At this point, I think it is worth reflecting on traditional vs contemporary marriage arrangements. To this end, here then is a narration, by uMaNgubane, of the progress of a traditional marriage arrangement she witnessed [in particular, note the reciprocal character of the exchange of gifts, something which we seem to have lost nowadays]: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">The progress of marriage arrangements is marked by sacrifices and exchange of gifts. And each sacrifice or gift takes the arrangements a step forward. I shall concern myself with animals killed as sacrifices or as gifts, and not with the other forms of gifts.a. The bride's father at his home killed a goat "to accept the negotiator of the marriage" (eyokuvuma umkhongi). His brother sprinkled the gall on the negotiator's right-hand index finger.b. On a latter occasion, the negotiator with a party from the groom's people brought a variety of gifts for the bride's people. The bulk of the gifts (izibizo: the bride's mother lists or names the presents or gifts she wants for herself) were for the bride's mother. On this occasion, the bride's father slaughtered a goat to honour the groom's mother. Such a goat is referred to as uhudo because of the nursing care the woman gave to her son, the groom, as a baby. The negotiator presented the bride's mother with the ubikibiki goat (bikibiki is anything of shaky and quivering nature, such as jelly). It signifies the "shaky and quivering" state of a woman's stomach after giving birth to her child.The negotiator's wife, on the same occasion, also presented a goat to the bride, to signify that she should dress up her hair in the special style (inkehli) worn by married women.The bride in turn presented a goat to the negotiator's wife, in appreciation of the latter's gift to her, which marked her new status.All the goats exchanged on this day were slaughtered and eaten. The groom's people took a portion of their meat back home. c. Later on [the marriage negotiations had been going on for seven years before this wedding took place!) the bride and her age-mates took food gifts (umbondo) to the groom's home. Two goats known as indlakudla were slaughtered - one for the bride and the other for her companion. The goat enabled both the bride and her bridesmaid [the bridesmaid is a girl in her early teens, usually related to the bride. She remains with the bride in her new home for some weeks after the marriage] to eat the food of the groom's people, which was otherwise taboo to them. The gall of the two goats was sprinkled on the index finger of the bride's companion.d. On a later occasion, the groom paid a special ceremonial visit in the company of his age-mates and girls of his locality. A goat was slaughtered to enable him to eat the food of the bride's home. The gall was sprinkled on the negotiator. The goat is termed indlakudla.e. At some other occasion, the bride's father performed a nubility ceremony for her. He killed an ox and a goat, as well as another goat from her mother's brother. These are the sacrificial chants (to kwabaphansi) that were recited by the father:Nangu umntwana wenu uMalezi.Ngiyamemulisa.Akube mhlophe konke.Izindlela zakhe zibe mhlophe.Kukhanye, abone.Kudeduke umnyama.Abe nezinhlanhla.Azale abantu.Aphile kahle.Kube mhlophe konke empilweni yakhe. The gall of the three animals was sprinkled on her, and the gall bladders were inflated and worn on the head by her during the ceremony. When the ceremony was over, the inflated bladders were carefully kept to be worn again on her wedding day. The gall bladder of the ox was pierced and worn by her as a wristlet (bracelet). The ceremony is known as ukwemula. f. A few days before the wedding, the bride's father and his brothers went to the groom's home to "see" the lobolo cattle before they were transferred to the bride's home. The groom's father slaughtered a goat for the bride's father. The gall was sprinkled on her father's brother. The goat is known as ilongwe.g. On the eve of the bride's leaving home to be married, her father slaughtered a goat known as eyokuncama. (ncama: to eat before commencing on a long journey [umendo]). This goat was intended to report her departure to the ancestors, and also to provide her with something to eat during her wedding ceremonies, as she was not supposed to eat any of the meat slaughtered on that occasion.h. When the bridal party arrived, the groom's people gave them a goat called eyokucola (ukucola: to give a feast in honour of the bride). The gall was sprinkled on her companion, who also wore on her head the inflated bladder.i. On the first day of the wedding, a cow was presented by the groom to the bridal party. It is known as eyesihlahla, because during the early part of the day, the party sat outside the home under a tree where they cooked and ate the meat.j. On the second day, a cow provided by the bride's father to the groom's mother was slaughtered. The beast is known as eyezibhoma [which simply means "chunks" of meat]. k. On the same day, the bride's people killed a goat and placed it in a large basin after piercing it to remove the gall, which was sprinkled on her by her father. She carried it, unskinned and unopened, in the basin, and presented it to her mother-in-law. The latter removed the basin from the bride's head and in return gave her a string of white beads. This ritual is known as isethulo ("to pay tribute, to make a present of respect"). The carcase of such a goat is known as isinyikanyika ("complicated affair, matter difficult of solution, something requiring disentangling").l. The most important beast of all was also killed on the second day. It was a cow known sometimes as eyesikhumba, as its hide is used to make a skirt (isidwaba) for the bride. Another, more appropriate, name is eyokwendisa. This beast was, as is the custom, provided by the bride's father. It was slaughtered in the groom's cattle byre by the negotiator, who used a special ancestral spear belonging to the groom's people [The negotiator was the groom's mother's brother]. The groom's mother sprinkled the gall on the bride's index finger and big toe, and herself wore the pierced and deflated gall bladder as a wristlet. There are other several rituals surrounding this beast, which I can't recount here. The carcase is bisected, and one half is given to the groom's people, the other being retained by the bride's. It is this beast that is said to render the woman married.m. Later in the (second) day, the bride's father went to the negotiator's home, where the groom's father had provided a goat known as uthuli lomkhongi (because during the period of negotiations, he walked to and fro, between the two families). This goat is said to thank both the negotiator and the bride's father for bringing the negotiations to a happy conclusion.n. On the third day, only the bride's age-mates remained. They were given a goat to kill, skin, cook, and eat to mark the consummation of the marriage. The goat is known as umeke (to split open, to deflower). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Sacrifices given by one group for the other are easily converted to money instead of a slaughtered animal, provided that the recipients are prepared to accept the money. But where the sacrifice is for a member of the group, giving money would be equivalent to giving it to oneself. So, if people are unable to provide the necessary sacrifice, they offer incense to the ancestors, tell them the reasons for omitting the sacrifice, and express willingness to put the matter right at some future time.UNjingalwazi uVilakazi uthi yena: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Throughout the negotiations, these gifts are anticipated because they are institutionalised, and each gift or goat begets another gift or goat. It is not uncommon to find that one of the parties requests that certain gifts should be cut out altogether. The request is often granted because, in any case, none of the gifts are unilateral.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">It may seem peculiar that the elaborate wedding rituals seem to be primarily concerned with the bride and her mother-in-law. The wedding beast is sacrificed to integrate the bride into the lineage. The bride and her mother-in-law are the two people who have "travelled a long journey" (ukwenda) to perpetuate the lineage of their affines. The bride has come to continue where the mother-in-law has stopped; she has come to further the reproduction. The isinyikanyika goat, which the bride presents to her mother-in-law, suggests that she's giving herself as an understudy to the latter, who will orientate her in the routine and practices of the family. It must be mentioned also that a married woman has the status more of a mother than a wife. She retains her clan name, and in this sense she is someone who has come to her affinal lineage to be a mother. It is therefore not surprising that marriage rites are focussed on the bride and her mother-in-law. They are the mothers of the lineage, on whom the continuity of the lineage is dependent. Angibonge.