Commonwealth Games (The Goodies)
"Commonwealth Games" (also known as "Sporting Goodies" and "Goodies of Sport") is an episode of the British comedy television series "The Goodies". Written by The Goodies, with songs and music by Bill Oddie. Plot. Tim comments how Britain had colonized far away places to keep alive the noble art of playing cricket, and he and Bill argue about keeping politics out of sport. The Minister of Sport asks the Goodies for help, informing them that all other member countries have left the Commonwealth, apart from the tiny August Bank Holiday Islands (where the next Commonwealth Games  are to be held). "August Bank Holiday Islands - where's that?" asked Graeme, to which the Minister for Sport replied: "Between Easter Island and Christmas Island." The Goodies are asked to train the British Commonwealth athletic team to top fitness, but the potential members of the team are all former Members of Parliament, and not athletes — they are also very old and fail the test, and the Goodies have to take their places in the team. Amongst the sporting equipment given to the Goodies are extremely heavy boots which, the Minister informs them, is to combat expected weightlessness they would  encounter at the August Bank Holiday Islands. However, the extremely heavy boots prove to be totally unnecessary, and create a problem for Tim, Graeme and Bill, who have trouble even walking in them. When the Goodies state that they do not want to wear the boots, the Minister for Sport insists that the Goodies keep wearing them throughout the entire Commonwealth Games. Because of the extreme heaviness of the boots, the Goodies lose every event, and Britain has to forfeit the British Commonwealth to the August Bank Holiday Islands as a result. The Minister unfairly blames the Goodies for Britain 's failure in the games. Later, the Minister sees the Goodies again, and tells them that the former member countries had rejoined the Commonwealth under the new August Bank Holiday Islands rule — however, the news is not so good for Britain. Notes. This episode only exists in black and white. Discovery of Missing Segment. The only surviving copy of this episode was found in the library of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. A segment about a sex test was missing, edited out to make it suitable for a G (for General Exhibition) timeslot. An archives researcher from the Corporation discovered the  missing footage in the National Archives of Australia. The missing segment runs for forty seconds. A group of elderly members of the British parliament assemble in the Minister of Sports office, hoping to be chosen to represent England at the Commonwealth Games. In order to be chosen, they must pass a sex test with the Minister's secretary. The excised footage was shown to Australian audiences for the first time during the 2009 Australian Goodies tour.