Tuesday Morning Quarterback
"Tuesday Morning Quarterback" was a column written by Gregg Easterbrook that started in 2000 and published every football season until temporarily stopping publication for the 2016 season. The column moved to "The Weekly Standard" for the 2017 NFL season, debuting on August 22, 2017. The column is noted for its length (it often runs over 15 pages in printed form) and frequent sidetracking into political and non-football-related discussion. Easterbrook commonly includes a "Running Items Department", football haiku and senryū, "Cheerbabe Cheesecake" and "Equal-Time Beefcake", "obscure college-football scores" including his obsession with Indiana of  Pennsylvania and California of Pennsylvania, and continual references to Christmas creep & the general trend of pushing events earlier and earlier (which he refers to as the "Unified Field Theory of Creep"). The column derives its name from the phrase "Monday morning quarterback", a derogatory term for a pundit (and the name of a competing long-read column by Peter King of "Sports Illustrated"). The change in day reflects its typical publishing date of Tuesday, which also allows the column to address that week's "Monday Night Football" contest. He also guarantees "All Predictions Wrong or Your Money Back." Since the  column is free, there is nothing to be refunded. On May 13, 2015, Easterbrook announced that ESPN had not renewed TMQ. Easterbrook joined The Upshot, the blog of "The New York Times", for the 2015 NFL season. The column went on hiatus in 2016. For the 2017 season, Easterbrook's columns were published by "The Weekly Standard", until Week 15, when the whole magazine folded. Recurring themes. General themes which recur in the column include: Easterbrook also espouses certain football superstitions attributed to a "pantheon" of "football gods" who bestow victory upon the team with the least warmly dressed coach  (Cold Coach = Victory), the most sportsmanlike conduct, the most spirited play, or the most scantily dressed cheerleaders (especially in cold weather); Easterbrook also highlights one particularly attractive cheerleader from an NFL team each week. Also, the column is known for randomly placed items and rants on various topics on politics, science fiction, actual science, and various television, film, and pop culture items. Photographs and captions accompany the columns which are often designed to be ridiculously humorous metaphors or caricatures of various persons or items mentioned in the column. Section::::"TMQ" team nicknames. Easterbrook refers to teams by nicknames or "cognomen , such as Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons" (Washington Redskins) and "Arizona CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN FOOTBALL-LIKE SUBSTANCE Cardinals" (Arizona Cardinals). The nicknames are usually used only if a team is struggling or if the team made a boneheaded play that cost them a game. One exception is the Redskins, whom Easterbrook criticized because of the team's Native American mascot. The nicknames also extends into college football, calling the Miami Hurricanes the "Miami Tropical Storms" having been downgraded from a hurricane to a tropical storm, likely in reference to the 2011 scandal. Beginning with the 2014 season, Easterbrook largely abandoned  cognomens for teams, preferring to call the teams by their actual names. Exceptions were made for the Redskins (whose nickname had got more mainstream controversy in recent years and was ultimately retired in 2020) and teams that play a considerable distance from their home city like the Giants, Jets, and 49ers. As of the 2017 season, Easterbrook still maintains an official list of cognomen. Easterbrook also frequently referred to defensive coordinator Gregg Williams as being "tastefully named", due to the two sharing the first name of Gregg. He has used the nickname throughout Williams' various coaching stops in Buffalo, Washington , New Orleans and St. Louis, but apparently stopped it once Williams' role in the New Orleans Saints bounty scandal was revealed and he was banned indefinitely from the league. Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-QB Non-RB NFL MVP award. According to Easterbrook, the "longest [named] award in sports". This is the top award in a series of awards he publishes at the end of each season, known as the "All-Unwanted All-Pros." These awards were created due to Easterbrook's view that the awards and Pro Bowl selection of various sports media outlets and the NFL tended to unfairly  reward what he considered "glory boy" positions, such as quarterbacks, running backs, and wide receivers, as well as players who tended to be better known due to higher press coverage as opposed to actual quality of play. (New England Patriots wideout Troy Brown, who won the award in 2004 despite primarily being a wide receiver, was considered an exception since he also played cornerback that season after the Patriots had a rash of injuries at the position during the season.) Easterbrook also was protesting the lack of attention given to offensive or defensive linemen whom he considers the most important  positions in football. Criteria tend to vary from year to year but generally includes players who either were undrafted or cut from previous teams, but otherwise managed to play important or pivotal roles with their current teams over the course of the season. Originally, they also had to be on a playoff team even to be considered; starting in , Easterbrook restricted eligibility even further, only allowing players on Super Bowl teams to be considered. The 2013 award, given to Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, was the first to be determined by online voting from TMQ readers. Most of the winners  through the 2011 season were offensive linemen, but the last five winners have been defensive players. Section::::"Kill Bill" controversy. ESPN fired Easterbrook after he made comments about Jewish Hollywood executives and film "Kill Bill" on a blog hosted by The New Republic. Easterbrook apologized for his comments and resumed his "Tuesday Morning Quarterback" column, temporarily for two weeks on the independent website Football Outsiders, and then more permanently for NFL.com. During his stint on NFL.com, Easterbrook was also an analyst for the then-fledgling NFL Network. On April 24, 2006, it was announced that Easterbrook would be brought back to  ESPN's website after a two-year absence. His return column, a preview of the 2006 NFL Draft, appeared the following day. Spygate. Easterbook's column has been highly critical of Bill Belichick with relation to the "Spygate" controversy, calling for Belichick's suspension from the league. Easterbrook's most controversial article was "Suspending Belichick will bring closure to Spygate". Easterbrook's imaginative proposals led one reader to mockingly call him "Mr. Fantasy." Easterbrook's response to Spygate was criticized by his fellow "Page Two" columnist (and self-professed Patriots fan) Bill Simmons. "If you have a national column in  which you're excoriating a sports team for cheating even though it already paid a severe penalty for what it did, and you're hinting more revelations are coming down the road, and then it's proven you were barking up the wrong tree ... you need to admit defeat and quit blowing the situation out of proportion. No, really." After the Rams and Patriots again reached the Super Bowl in 2019, Easterbrook tweeted the accusation that Belichick videotaped the Rams walkthrough the first time around.