A boss is a person who's early when you are late and late when you are early.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But I never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

Oscar Wilde

Marriage is like the Middle East. There is no solution.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Herb Caen

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Work is the refuge of those who have nothing better to do.

Serge Gainsbourg

Frederic Raphael

Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former.

If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?

Harry S. Truman

Isadora Duncan: Imagine a child with my beaty and your brains.

Winston Churchill: If I were your husband, I'd drink it.

Albert Einstein

Rodney Dangerfield

Bernard Shaw

A recession is when your neighbour loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours.

Some cause happiness whereever they go; others whenever they go.

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute, and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.

Ugliness is in a way superior to beauty, because it lasts

Wilson Mizner

Prince Philip

Awards are like haemorrhoids; sooner or later, every asshole gets one. :)

My favorite opera is La Boheme because it is the shortest I know.

Nancy Astor: If I were your wife, I'd put poison in your coffee.

Winston Churchill

When they told me that by the year 2100 women would rule the world, my reply was, 'Still?'

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

George Bernard Shaw: Yes, but what if the child inherits my beaty and your brains?

Communist: one who has nothing, and is eager to share it with others.

Willy Russell

Woody Allen

If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.

King George V