Iran-Contra

[[File:Reagan meets with aides on Iran-Contra.jpg|thumb|right|168px|Erm, guys?  [[Gorby]]'s watching.]]{{crimenav}}{{cquote|A few months ago I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that's true, but [[Truthiness|the facts and the evidence tell me it is not.]]|||So "Feels before Reals" goes all the way back to the Gipper?<ref>[http://www.historycommons.org/context.jsp?item=a020287reaganincoherent Reagan gives incoherent testimony to the Tower Commission], 3.4.87.</ref>}}
The '''Iran-Contra''' scandal was either when [[Ronald Reagan|Saint Ronnie]] valiantly went around those red sissies in Congress or one of the most serious political scandals in [[United States]] history. Unlike [[Watergate]], which tried to [[coverup]] a break-in and entry, or the [[Bill Clinton|Lewinsky scandal]], which tried to coverup sexual harassment and a blowjob, this scandal involved selling heavy weapons (over two-thousand five-hundred missiles) to a [[Iran|country that hates the US/West and funds terrorism]] in order to fund more [[terrorism]]. This is ''technically'' High Treason, but who cares about such technicalities when we have to look at the bigger picture, like how to deal with all the 
communism
 terrorism? However, it all started in a small [[Central America]]n nation known as [[Nicaragua]].  

Reagan was able to mostly dodge the Iran-Contra Scandal despite it being the most clear instance of aiding not just one but two terrorist regimes at once in post-Vietnam U.S. history. 

==Background==
[[Image:Rumsfeldsaddam.jpg|thumb|right|165px|Oh, and that awfully nice [[Donald Rumsfeld|Mr. Rumsfeld]] got to go to Iraq and joyously shake Saddam’s hand.]]
In 1979, a popular uprising in Iran ousted the Shah, the repressive, United States-backed [[secular]]-ish Shia monarch of the majority-Shia country. Being the most organized political presence in the country, Iran's Shiite [[Theocracy|theocrats]], led by the Ayatollah, became the new government. [[Saddam Hussein]], the repressive, Sunni dictator of neighboring majority-Shia Iraq, fearful that his own Shia subjects might take inspiration from these events and certain that post-revolutionary Iran would be a pushover and thus an easy target for a quick land grab,<ref group=note>Saddam Hussein would repeat this stunt with great immediate success, followed by [[Gulf War|a serious smack down]] in [[Kuwait]] in 1990/‘91.</ref> launched [[Iran-Iraq War|a war with Iran that lasted from 1980 to 1988]]. This would become ''Vietnam II: Electric Boogaloo'' – a [[World War I]] reboot with the same idiotic tactics, mountains of casualties, and ultimately turning into a war of attrition, only now confined to the Middle East.<ref group=note>In contrast to WWI and Vietnam, however, the Iran-Iraq War literally had no winners, with the outcome being a {{wpl|status quo ante bellum|''status quo ante bellum''}} more in character with the result of the [[Korean War]].</ref> The United States chose to back Saddam in a classic “[[My enemy's enemy|the enemy of my enemy is my friend]]” move,<ref group=note>Similar to how the US chose to back [[Pol Pot]]’s genocidal [[Khmer Rouge]] regime in [[Cambodia]], because it got into a fight with the [[Vietnam|Socialist Republic of Vietnam]] that had emerged victorious in the Vietnam War.</ref> despite his socialist inspired [[Ba'ath Party]] not being hot stuff in the Reagan White House. Thus the US (supported by its European allies) began supplying Saddam with weapons and intelligence, getting involved with the {{wpl|Iran–Iraq War#Attacks on shipping|“Tanker War”}} in the Strait of Hormuz and similar naval capers (including {{wpl|Iran Air Flight 655|shooting down an Iranian civilian airliner|,}} whoops), and by enacting an embargo against Iran. 

Also in 1979, Nicaragua underwent a successful [[revolution]] led by a [[socialist]] movement known as {{wpl|Sandinista National Liberation Front}} (FSLN). This revolution deposed the brutally-repressive regime of {{wpl|Anastasio Somoza Debayle}} (a dictator like his brother and father before him), which was a recipient of large-scale United States military and economic aid and was known for its gruesome violations of [[human rights]].<ref>Inter-American Commission on Human Rights (ICHR). Report on the Situation of Human Rights in the Republic of Nicaragua: Findings of the "On-site" Observation in the Republic of Nicaragua, October 3-12, 1978 (Washington: Organization of American States, 1978)</ref><ref>Heleno Claudio Fragoso and Alejandro Artucio, Human Rights in Nicaragua: Yesterday and Today (Geneva: International Commission of Jurists, 1981)</ref> The FSLN established a new government that promised reforms, land redistribution, and an end to human rights violations, but soon found domestic opposition from other factions of the anti-Somoza alliance as well as former supporters of Somoza.

Tensions mounted when an anti-Sandinista faction called the Contras began to mobilize and conduct coordinated attacks on the infrastructure of the country in an attempt to destabilize the FSLN government. The Contras for the most part consisted of [[right-wing]] [[extremist]]s, former land elites, and ex-members of the feared and vicious Guardia Nacional (whose head had been a Somoza for most of the forty years prior to 1979), which was responsible for the most egregious human rights violations under the previous Somoza regime.<ref>[[Amnesty International]], The Republic of Nicaragua (London: Amnesty International Publications, 1977), page 32: "''In 1977 Amnesty International reported that 7 out of 10 prisoners detained by the Somoza regime had been tortured. The report also disclosed that in the countryside many peasants had been tortured and raped by Guardia patrols. It gave detailed testimony from individuals describing their torture which included beatings, electric shocks, and mutilation.''"</ref><ref group=note>In other words, not the kind of people a sane and compassionate person would want to allow anywhere ''remotely'' close to a position of political power.{{fact|joke}}</ref> While many observers called the Contras "death squads," the Reagan administration called them "[[conservative correctness|freedom fighters]]" (to be fair, there were [[war crimes]] committed by both sides, although the Sandinista's human rights record was immensely better than the military regimes in [[El Salvador]] and [[Guatemala]], also being supported by Ronnie). 

Since the Reagan administration opposed [[communism]], and since the Sandinistas were commie sympathizers, the Reagan administration thought it would be a good idea to give US aid to the Contras, including [[money]] and weapons. However, [[Congress]] was uninterested in getting the United States involved in [[Vietnam|another country's civil war]] (again) and explicitly forbade any such actions. But Reagan really wanted to do it, so they had to find a way around the [[law]].

What could possibly go wrong?

==Scheme==
Saint Reagan's national security team (led by [[United States Armed Forces#The Marines|Marine]] Colonel [[Oliver North]]) cooked up this idea: the US sold weapons to its Middle Eastern enemy, Iran, and used the proceeds to both pay the ransom for various [[Iran#Hostage crisis|hostages]] in the [[Middle East]] and pay for weapons for its allies, the Contras of Nicaragua.

Needless to say, the transfers of this money had to be kept under the table or otherwise laundered. However, Washington is [[Conspiracy theory#Scope and rationality|pretty bad at keeping secrets]], and when this one broke, it naturally triggered [[Congress]]ional hearings and criminal proceedings. Reagan actually managed to dodge [[impeachment]], as the American people believed that he "misspoke" on national TV about the whole thing. Whoops!

==Aftermath==
While Oliver North did do some time in prison (as one of the rare cases of a guilty scapegoat), Saint Ronny got off scot free and [[George H. W. Bush|his Vice President]] [[1988 U.S. presidential election| was elected President]] instead of being investigated for his (possible) involvement.<ref group=note>Bush Sr. claimed to have been "out of the loop".</ref> The war in Nicaragua, on the other hand, continued until Costa Rican president Oscar Arias Sanchez came up with a peace plan that more or less called for:
#An end to all hostilities.
#Disarmament of all combatants; reduction in size of the Nicaraguan military.
#No foreign intervention (neither of the US in Nicaragua nor of Nicaragua in its neighbor countries).
#Free and fair elections with all major parties participating by 1990.
Of course, the US was furious and intended to continue the war, but in the end Sanchez won out (no small feat, considering Costa Rica has not had armed forces since 1948<ref>[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_of_Costa_Rica Public Force of Costa Rica]</ref>) and elections were held in 1990 that Ortega and his Sandinista party — to their great surprise — narrowly lost to center right Violeta Barrios de Chamorro, who proceeded to lead the country through six years of rebuilding. Ortega returned to power after winning the election in 2006 with 34% of the vote, less than he had had in 1990.

==See also==
*[[Watergate]]

==External links==
*{{wpa|Iran-Contra}}
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFV1uT-ihDo Ollie North] - ''American Dad''

==Notes==
{{reflist|group=note}}

==References==
{{reflist}}

[[Category:Cold War]]
[[Category:Crimes against humanity]]
[[Category:Conservative deceit]]
[[Category:Fascism]]
[[Category:Government coverups]]
[[Category:Government incompetence]]
[[Category:Iran]]
[[Category:United States history]]
[[Category:United States politics]]

Categories: Cold War, Crimes against humanity, Conservative deceit, Fascism, Government coverups, Government incompetence, Iran, United States history, United States politics