Crusades

[[File:Last_Crusader.jpg|thumb|right|165px|Yeah, they probably didn't look this [[Romanticism|noble]].]]{{bronze}}
{{Christianity}}
{{Ctransquote|Kill them all. God will know his own.|Latin|Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eis.|||attributed to abbot {{wpl|Arnaud Amalric|Arnaud Amaury}}<ref>''The Cathars and the Albigensian Crusade'' by M. D. Costen (1997) Manchester University Press. ISBN 0719043328.</ref>{{rp|122}}}}
{{cquote|The most signal and most durable monument of human folly that has yet appeared in any age or nation.|||[[David Hume]], 1778<ref>[http://people.cohums.ohio-state.edu/grimsley1/h380/crusades.htm ''The History of England'']</ref>}}

The '''Crusades''' were a series of [[medieval]]-era [[war|military expeditions]] sanctioned by the [[Catholic Church]] to conquer religiously significant territories in the Eastern Mediterranean. Yes, the followers of so-called [[Abrahamic religions| "religions of peace"]] openly stated that they would kill millions to keep the Holy Land in the hands of [[Bigotry|''their'']] religion.

They might have been considered solely a response to [[Islam]]'s four-hundred years of unbridled expansion had the crusaders limited their targets to Muslim-held [[Spain]] and the fallen areas of the Eastern Roman (Byzantine) Empire. However, they didn't do that. Instead, the crusaders attacked not only Muslims, but also [[heterodox]] Christians (known as Cathars) in southern France,<ref name="catharcrusade">[http://www.cathar.info/cathar_wars.htm Cathar Wars or "Albigensian Crusade"] ''Cathar Info''</ref> [[pagans]] in the Baltic region,<ref>Christiansen, Erik (1997). The Northern Crusades. London: Penguin Books. p. 287. ISBN 0-14-026653-4.</ref><ref name="northcrusade">[https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/what-were-the-northern-crusades.html What Were The Northern Crusades?] ''World Atlas''</ref> and even the [[Eastern Orthodox]] Christians of the Mongol-battered Russian states and the Eastern Roman Empire.<ref name="fourthbad">[https://www.britannica.com/event/Sack-of-Constantinople-1204 Sack of Constantinople] ''Britannica''</ref> That last one is especially hilarious because the [[Pope | papacy]] started the Crusades in the first place due to the Eastern Roman Emperor's request for aid against the expansionist Seljuk [[Turkey |Turks]], who had whooped Byzantine ass at the Battle of Manzikert in 1071.<ref name="firstcrusade">[https://www.britannica.com/event/Crusades/The-First-Crusade-and-the-establishment-of-the-Latin-states The First Crusade And The Establishment Of The Latin States] ''Britannica''</ref>

Central to the Crusades was the ''unfathomably'' bad idea of the Pope declaring that [[God]] would forgive all sins committed by the Crusaders,<ref>[https://www.jstor.org/stable/984051?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents The Popes and the Crusades] Munroe, Dana C. "American Philosophical Society". ''Proceedings of the American Philosophical Society'' Vol. 55, No. 5 (1916), pp. 348-356.</ref> leading to the campaigns being incredibly brutal even by the standards of the time. This also led to some very unpleasant experiences for the [[Jews]], with the slaughter of thousands - mostly by the Christian side.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20120620061543/http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/apocalypse/explanation/crusades.html The Crusades], PBS
</ref>

After all of that [[bullshit]], the Crusades in the Middle East were a miserable failure. Although the First Crusade succeeded in capturing [[Jerusalem]] and turning the "Holy Land" into Frankish [[colonialism | colonial outposts]], the crusaders were unable to hold onto it through the subsequent military campaigns. [[Israel]]/[[Palestine]] has been held by non-Christians ever since. While the Baltic and Cathar crusades succeeded in sword-point Christianizing (or, at least, efficiently slaughtering) their respective targets, the Fourth Crusade ended with the near-destruction of the Eastern Roman Empire, a trauma from which it would never recover, leading to its demise at the hands of the Ottomans.<ref name="fourthbad"></ref>

==The Crusades==

===Crusades for the Holy Land===

[[File:Peter the Hermit Preaching the First Crusade.jpg|thumb|thumb|right|300px|Religious demagogue Peter the Hermit, the instigator of the People's Crusades and the Rhineland Massacres.]]

{{Anchor|First Crusade}}
====The First Crusade and the People's Crusade (1095-1099)====
{{cquote|It was impossible to look upon the vast numbers of the slain without horror; everywhere lay fragments of human bodies, and the very ground was covered with the blood of the slain. It was not alone the spectacle of headless bodies and mutilated limbs strewn in all directions that roused horror in all who looked upon them. Still more dreadful was it to gaze upon the victors themselves, dripping with blood from head to foot, an ominous sight which brought terror to all who met them. It is reported that within the Temple enclosure alone about ten thousand infidels perished, in addition to those who lay slain everywhere throughout the city in the streets and squares, the number of whom was estimated as no less.|||Archbishop William of Tyre on the massacre of Muslims in Jerusalem.<ref>[http://www.historymuse.net/readings/WilliamofTyreCAPTUREOFJERUSALEM.htm William of Tyre, “The Capture of Jerusalem”]</ref>}}

[[File:Map Crusader states 1135-en.svg|thumb|left|215px|Crusader states after the First Crusade.]]

From 1067 onwards the Byzantine Empire suffered a long string of defeats at the hands of the invading Muslim Seljuk Turks and lost great swathes of territory,<ref>[http://www.fsmitha.com/h3/casia01a.htm Turks, Conquests and the Crusades] ''Macrohistory''</ref> culminating in the devastating Byzantine loss of the Battle of Manzikert in 1071.<ref>[https://www.thoughtco.com/byzantine-seljuk-wars-battle-of-manzikert-2360708 Byzantine-Seljuk Wars and the Battle of Manzikert] Hickman, Kennedy. ''ThoughtCo''. 09.26.17</ref> The Eastern-Orthodox Byzantine Emperor, panicking for a few years, went to Pope Urban II asking for help from his Catholic half-brothers.<ref>[https://www.thoughtco.com/first-crusade-christianity-vs-islam-4078432 A Timeline of the First Crusade, 1095 - 1100] Cline, Austin. ''ThoughtCo.'' 05.30.18</ref> The pope, for his part, responded by delivering a sermon calling for a divinely-sanctioned war of conquest to Christian holy sites in the Levant and promising absolution from sin, land, and wealth.<ref name="metcrusadei">[https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/crus/hd_crus.htm The Crusades (1095–1291)] Metropolitan Museum of Art]</ref> A great number of Christians responded, and an army of 60,000 crusaders marched through Anatolia to invade the Levant.<ref name="firstcrusadeii">[https://www.ancient.eu/First_Crusade/ First Crusade] ''Ancient History Encylopedia''</ref> 

[[File:Counquest of Jeusalem (1099).jpg|thumb|right|400px|The conquest of [[Jerusalem]].]]

Before the crusading armies of knights and squires and hangers-on reached the holy land, however, a bunch of peasants gave it a try first. This occurred when a [[charismatic]] man named Peter the Hermit took inspiration from the pope and preached to European commoners calling for a general rising against the Muslims. Because of this, a massive peasant "army" marched towards Eastern Europe, sacking cities along the way and butchering entire [[Jewish]] communities.<ref name="peoplescrusade">[https://www.thoughtco.com/the-peoples-crusade-1788840 The People's Crusade] Snell, Melissa. ''ThoughtCo''. 07.18.18</ref> Not surprisingly, the poorly-disciplined peasant army managed to sack exactly one Muslim-held city before the Turks crushed it completely. Thus ended the "People's Crusade".<ref name="peoplescrusade"></ref> It was stupid.

[[File:Crusader Graffiti in the Church of the holy supulchure Jerusalem Victor 2011 -1-21.jpg|thumb|left|215px| Crusader graffiti in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.]]

Eventually, the more prepared army led by "professional" knights arrived, and they too invaded the Levant. They saw more success than the People's Crusade, managing to take fortresses along the Mediterranean and in Mesopotamia. Finally, after a five-week siege, they took Jerusalem itself and killed all of the Muslims in it.<ref name="metcrusadei"></ref> They also killed a lot of Jews, setting fire to the chief synagogue where many were sheltering.<ref>''The Pursuit of the Millennium'', Norman Cohn, Pimlico 2004 (1957), p.68.</ref>

In a coda to the People's Crusade, one of the most feared and crazy groups of crusaders at the siege of Jerusalem was the Tafurs, a band of poor, ill-equipped men, led by a mysterious King Tafur, possibly a former Norman knight but claiming to be a spiritual leader.<ref>{{wpa | Tafurs}}</ref> They took oaths of poverty (although that didn't stop them looting), wore sackcloth rather than armour, wielded farm implements rather than swords, and were fond of rape and massacre of civilians, but particularly notorious for cannibalism; it is said by reputable historians who remain nameless that even the other Crusaders considered them uncontrollable. They became the subject both of tales of horror and (largely fictitious) narratives of religious heroism that claimed they were [[ordained]] by God.<ref>''The Pursuit of the Millennium'', Norman Cohn, Pimlico 2004 (1957), pp.65-67.</ref>

Intending to defend their new conquests, the Crusaders built castles and established a number of feudal monarchies which became known as the "Crusader states".<ref>[https://www.britannica.com/event/Crusades/The-Crusader-states#ref954472 The Crusader states] ''Britannica''</ref> The Byzantines also got a bunch of their land back, but the devastation caused by the Crusaders in their territory pissed them off and permanently poisoned relations between the two sides of medieval Christianity (although ironically a major reason for the Pope to launch the crusade involved his intention of re-asserting control over the Eastern church).<ref name="firstcrusadeii"></ref> This would have very bad consequences down the road.

{{Anchor|Second Crusade}}
====The Second Crusade (1147-1149)====
Unfortunately for the Crusaders, one of their shiny new kingdoms, the County of Edessa, fell to the Muslims in 1144.<ref>[https://www.britannica.com/event/Siege-of-Edessa Siege of Edessa] ''Britannica''</ref> This was the spark that led to the Second Crusade, as Christians in the region realized they were all under threat. Pope Eugenius III called for a new Crusade, but left the actual military goals of that Crusade fairly ambiguous.<ref name="secondcrusade">[https://www.ancient.eu/Second_Crusade/ Second Crusade] ''Ancient History Encylopedia''</ref> This Crusade was already off to a bad start.

Despite travelling with the king of [[France]] and the [[Germany|Holy Roman]] Emperor, the Crusaders very quickly began running out of money, even before they reached the Middle East.<ref name="secondiicrusade">[https://www.theguardian.com/books/2008/feb/02/featuresreviews.guardianreview8 Holy smoke] Castor, Helen. ''The Guardian.'' 02.01.08</ref> Matters became worse when they arrived in Anatolia to find that the Byzantine Empire was now much less welcoming than the first time around; sour relations between them sparked an actual battle and forced the Crusaders to hurry along into the Levant much faster than they'd intended.<ref>Nicolle, David (2009). The Second Crusade 1148: Disaster outside Damascus. London: Osprey. ISBN 978-1-84603-354-4.</ref> The Crusaders arrived in Edessa to find the city deserted; the Turks had crushed a rebellion there so harshly that the entire city had been razed.<ref name="secondiicrusade"></ref>

Needing a new target, the Crusaders decided to go after Damascus instead. Stupidly, they hadn't considered the logistical requirements of marching through arid territory, and began running out of food and water.<ref name="secondcrusade"></ref> The siege of Damascus predictably failed in a very short time, and the Second Crusade fizzled out like a wet firework.<ref name="secondcrusade"></ref> Maybe [[God]] was napping during this one.

{{Anchor|Third Crusade}}
====The Third Crusade (1187-1192)====
[[File:L'armée de Saladin.jpg|thumb|right|275px|Terrible medieval painting depicting Saladin's army.]]

{{wpl|Saladin|}} now enters the picture, and he was by all accounts a brilliant leader who managed to unite the Muslim powers and retake Jerusalem in the Battle of Hattin.<ref>[http://www.historyofwar.org/articles/battles_hattin.html Battle of Hattin, 4 July 1187] ''History of War''</ref> However, Saladin did allow the Christian residents of the city to flee rather than simply slaughter them outright<ref name="saladin">[https://www.biographyonline.net/military/saladin.html Saladin Biography] ''Biography Online''</ref> as the Crusaders had done to Jerusalem's unfortunate Muslims during the First Crusade.<ref>Bradbury, Jim (1992). The Medieval Siege (New ed.). Woodbridge: The Boydell. p. 296. ISBN 0851153577.</ref><ref>Montefiore, Simon Sebag (2012). Jerusalem : the Biography (1st Vintage Books ed.). New York: Vintage Books. p. 222. ISBN 0307280500.
</ref><ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20070930181302/http://www.historynet.com/historical_conflicts/3028446.html?page=4&c=y First Crusade: Siege of Jerusalem] Hull, Michael D. (June 1999). '' Military History''.</ref> Although this was pretty nice by the era's standards, it's still the Twelfth Century we're talking about, so Saladin went on ahead and demanded a ransom for that privilege and sold the stragglers into [[slavery]].<ref>[https://www.haaretz.com/jewish/this-day-saladin-captures-jerusalem-1.5173344 This Day in Jewish History / Saladin Captures Jerusalem From the Crusaders] Green, David B. ''Haaretz''. Oct 02, 2012</ref> So it goes.

The fall of Jerusalem to the Muslims came as a great shock to the Christian world, and the new Pope called for a time of penitence, fasting, and a new Crusade while the Crusaders already in the Levant struggled to regain the Holy City.<ref name="thirdcrusade">[https://www.britannica.com/event/Crusades/The-Third-Crusade The Third Crusade] ''Britannica''</ref> The largest Crusader army so far began to make its way to the Levant, but the Byzantine Emperor fought against them in accordance with a treaty he had signed with Saladin.<ref>Brand, Charles M. (1962). "The Byzantines and Saladin, 1185-1192: Opponents of the Third Crusade". Speculum. 37 (2): 167–181. doi:10.2307/2849946. JSTOR 2849946.</ref> Catholics further west managed to bring [[England]] and France into the fray, including the now-legendary {{wpl|Richard the Lionheart}}. With Richard joining the Crusaders, they were able to retake several fortresses in the Jerusalem area and defeat Saladin's armies in a battle.<ref name="thirdcrusade"></ref> Richard took many prisoners during this campaign, and Saladin agreed to ransom them in exchange for money and Crusader-held prisoners. However, he wasn't able to cough up the dough fast enough, so Richard had the roughly 2,700 prisoners beheaded in full view of Saladin's distant army.<ref>[http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/lionheart.htm Richard The Lionheart Massacres The Saracens, 1191] ''Eyewitness to History''</ref> Saladin retaliated by killing his Christian prisoners. Despite this unpleasantness, Saladin still regarded Ricky Rick as the most honorable Christian lord, which says a lot about the others.<ref name="saladin"></ref>

After the French bailed out of the Crusade early, Richard struggled to keep going against the unstoppable forces of attrition and desertion, but he was finally forced to make peace with Saladin three years later.<ref>[http://historylearning.com/medieval-england/the-crusades/third-crusade/ The Third Crusade] ''History Learning''.</ref> Although the Third Crusade failed to retake Jerusalem, it did weaken the Muslims, and it did preserve the remaining Crusader states.

{{Anchor|Fourth Crusade}}
====The Fourth Crusade (1202-1204)====
[[File:ConquestOfConstantinopleByTheCrusadersIn1204.jpg|thumb|right|325px|"Guys, are you sure this is what Jesus wants us to be doing?"<br> "Absolutely! Collecting on the Emperor's debts is the will of God, dont'cha know. Deus Vult!"]]

Also known as the "Stupid Crusade," the Fourth Crusade was prompted by the stinging failure to retake Jerusalem the last time around. The Crusaders, this time mostly French, assembled a new army and made a contract with the Venetians to provide ships for transportation.<ref name="fourthcrusade">[https://www.britannica.com/event/Crusades/The-Fourth-Crusade-and-the-Latin-empire-of-Constantinople Fourth Crusade] ''Britannica''.</ref> Around this time, a [[coup]] took place in the Byzantine Empire, deposing the emperor and exiling his young son.<ref name="byzantinebad">Nicolle, David (2011). The Fourth Crusade 1202-04 - the Betrayal of Byzantium. Oxford: Osprey Publishing Ltd. p. 65. ISBN 978 1 84908 319 5.</ref> Meanwhile, the Crusading army was a lot smaller and poorer than the French had hoped for, which was a problem because they could no longer afford to pay for the ships Venice had already built for them.<ref name="fourthcrusade"></ref> 

In exchange for suspending the debt, the Venetians asked the Crusaders to very kindly attack the rebellious Croatian city of Zara. Yes, the Christian holy warriors were about to attack a Christian city. Despite the pope forbidding the campaign and threatening to excommunicate everyone involved, the Crusaders attacked Zara and retook it on behalf of the Venetians.<ref>[https://www.britannica.com/event/Siege-of-Zara Siege of Zara] ''Britannica''</ref> [[Money]] matters more than [[God]].

Continuing towards Constantinople, the Crusaders received an offer from the deposed prince Alexius: if they helped him defeat the usurper who took his father's throne, Byzantium would pay the Crusaders' debts and join their campaign.<ref name="stupidcrusade">[http://www.historynet.com/fourth-crusade.htm Fourth Crusade] ''HistoryNet''</ref> Unfortunately for poor Alexius, the city of Constantinople wasn't as loyal to his dynasty as he'd hoped. The Crusaders were forced to take the city by force, and upon regaining his throne, Alexius discovered that the imperial treasury had a lot less in it than he'd believed.<ref name="stupidcrusade"></ref> The Crusaders, who already didn't like the Byzantines, stuck around and effectively besieged the city before finally smashing in and brutally sacking it.<ref name="stupidcrusade"></ref> The Crusaders established a new Crusader state, the Latin Empire, in place of the fallen Byzantines, but it didn't last. With all the death and plundering, Constantinople never regained its glory, and the much later restored Byzantium was a shadow of what had come before.<ref name="fourthbad"></ref> The unstable Latin Empire, while it existed, siphoned Crusader resources and weakened their campaigns in the Levant.<ref name="fourthcrusade"></ref>{{efn|Ironically, since the Byzantine Empire was for very long a “shield” for Western Europe, the Fourth Crusade ended up making the Christendom more vulnerable than ever, and indeed, only a few centuries after its fall, the [[Ottoman Empire]] managed to besiege Vienna.<ref>{{Cite book |last=Roberts |first=J. M. |title=The Triumph of the West |publisher=BBC |year=1986 |isbn=0563200707 |pages=132}}</ref>}} The Pope was pissed.
{{Anchor|Fifth Crusade}}

====The Fifth Crusade (1217-1221) and the Sixth Crusade (1228-1229)====
[[File:Friedrich II. mit Sultan al-Kamil.jpg|thumb|right|225px|Frederick II gets Jerusalem back by asking nicely.]]
After seeing the Byzantine Empire get wiped out by the most epic case of friendly fire in history, Pope Innocent III decided to refocus on Jerusalem and ensure that the Fifth Crusade would be under his control alone. He called for a new Crusade, but repeated failures had sapped Europe's enthusiasm for Muslim-killing.<ref name="fivecrusade">[http://historylearning.com/medieval-england/the-crusades/fifth-crusade/ The Fifth Crusade] ''History Learning.''</ref> 

Eventually, the Crusaders built another army. However, they couldn't attack Jerusalem while an increasingly powerful Muslim Egypt was at their backs, so they decided to turn south instead. They successfully invaded Egypt, but on the road to Cairo, they were caught up in the flooding of the Nile and got wrecked by the Egyptians.<ref name="fivecrusade"></ref> With no other real choice, they made peace with the Egyptians and went home. The end. 

After failing to aid the Fifth Crusade, the [[Holy Roman Emperor]] at the time, Frederick II, decided to launch the Sixth Crusade by himself. However, after sailing into the Holy Land, Ol' Freddy figured out that his army was actually significantly weaker than the one which had participated in the Fifth Crusade.<ref name="crusadesix">[http://historylearning.com/medieval-england/the-crusades/sixth-crusade/ The Sixth Crusade] ''History Learning''</ref> Knowing that fighting the powerful Egyptians would be a stupid mistake, Frederick met with their Sultan and bluffed about the size of his army. Preoccupied with a rebellion in [[Syria]], the Sultan agreed to hand over Jerusalem in exchange for a decade-long truce.<ref name="crusadesix"></ref> Boy, that was boring.

====Seven, Eight, and Nine (1248-1254, 1270, 1272)====

[[File:SmrtLudvika91270.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Turns out that Crusading isn't great for your life expectancy.]]

After the Albigensian Crusade, France emerged as a European superpower. Jerusalem, meanwhile, had been conquered yet again by the Muslims. To gain prestige for himself, the French king Louis IX decided to launch his own Crusade. The king decided it would not be possible to take Jerusalem while Egypt still stood, so he invaded, got caught up in the flooding of the Nile, got captured, and had to pay a hefty ransom to get himself out of prison.<ref>[http://historylearning.com/medieval-england/the-crusades/seventh-crusade/ The Seventh Crusade] ''History Learning''</ref> Meanwhile, most of the other remaining Crusader territories were destroyed. Same old story.

The Eighth Crusade was again launched by Louis IX, and he decided to land in Tunis this time to attack Egypt from the west. However, the horrible conditions during the siege of Tunis resulted in the king's death.<ref name="eightcrusadesnow">[http://historylearning.com/medieval-england/the-crusades/eighth-crusade/ The Eighth Crusade]</ref> His son, who wasn't quite as enthusiastic about the whole Middle Eastern adventurism thing, peaced out with the Tunisians in exchange for a [[free trade]] agreement.<ref name="eightcrusadesnow"></ref>

After France's failures, England decided to get in on the action for the Ninth Crusade. Despite some military victories, the English had problems to deal with at home, so they retreated again after losing the last Crusader castle in the entire region.<ref>"Edward I", Michael Prestwich, University of California Press, 1988</ref> At this point, enthusiasm among Europe's rulers for Crusading was pretty much dead (although there were some grassroots unauthorized attempts to revive the crusading spirit later). That was the last real crusade for the Holy Land, an ignominious failure.

===Other Crusades===
[[File:Peter Janssen, Kaiser Friedrich II.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The Teutons and the Kaiser]]

====Northern Crusades (1195-1290)====
The Northern Crusades were initially a series of military campaigns against tribal pagans in the Baltic region (today Estonia, Lithuania, and Latvia) largely undertaken by Christian monastic orders.<ref name="northcrusade"/> These wars date to 1195, when Pope Celestine III called for holy wars against the dirty barbarians of the north.<ref name="northcrusade"/> He did so on the encouragement of various nobles in the Holy Roman Empire, who wanted the spiritual benefit of the Crusades but also wanted to do their fighting closer to home.<ref name="ancnorth">[https://www.ancient.eu/Northern_Crusades/ Northern Crusades]. ''Ancient History Encyclopedia.''</ref>

The {{wpl|Teutonic Order}}, established in Jerusalem after the First Crusade, formed much of the backbone of the Crusader effort, invading the Prussian region on behalf of the Poles.<ref>Van Duren, Peter (1995). Orders of Knighthood and of Merit. C. Smythe. p. 212. ISBN 0-86140-371-1.</ref> Other armies had largely failed to make significant inroads into the Baltic due to the rough terrain and the dogged guerrilla-style resistance of the natives.<ref name="ancnorth"/> The Teutons were professional and highly trained, however, so they had the best time making progress. As lands in Prussia were conquered by the Teutonic Knights, German settlers moved in to build towns and churches. After the pagans started accepting Christianity, though, the Teutonic Knights then proved themselves to be more interested in land and loot than religion, and they frequently burned Christian churches and slaughtered Christian converts.<ref name="ancnorth"/> 

[[File:StampRussia1992CPA5.jpg|thumb|right|250px|1992 Russian stamp commemorates their victory over the Crusaders.]]

To this day, most of the Baltic pagan religions are unknown, as they were completely annihilated so long ago. However, communities still exist that attempt to revive them.<ref>[http://www.truelithuania.com/tag/baltic-paganism Romuva (Neo-Paganism) in Lithuania] ''True Lithuania''</ref> 

In keeping with the old tradition of fucking over other Christians, the Teutonic Order then decided to move against the [[Russia]]n rump states left over after the [[Mongolia|Mongol]] invasions. The Russians were [[Eastern Orthodox]] Christians, but that didn't stop the Teutonic Order from invading in 1240 and sacking the city of Pskov.<ref name="peipi">[https://warfarehistorynetwork.com/2015/12/08/lake-peipus-battle-on-the-ice/ Lake Peipus: Battle on the Ice]. ''Warfare History Network.''</ref> The Teutons were overconfident, expecting that the Russians would be weakened by the recent savagery of the Mongols. Instead, the Russians ([[Napoleon Bonaparte|of]] [[World War II|course]]) fought a brilliant defensive campaign utilizing their home environment to weaken the invaders.<ref name="peipi"/> The final battle came at Lake Peipus in 1242, and the Crusaders suffered a catastrophic defeat.<ref>{{wpa|Battle on the Ice|}}</ref> The Russian victory halted eastward expansion for the Catholic Crusaders and saved Russia from further predation.<ref> Riley-Smith Jonathan Simon Christopher. ''The Crusades: a History'', USA, 1987,ISBN 0-300-10128-7, p.198.</ref> The Russian leader of the campaign, Alexander Nevsky, has been a Russian national hero ever since.<ref>{{wpa|Order of Alexander Nevsky|}}</ref> 

====Albigensian Crusade (1209-1229)====
[[File:Cathars expelled.JPG|thumb|right|200px|Cathars expelled from a conquered city.]]
The Albigensian Crusade was called by Pope Innocent III against the Cathar heresy which had sprung up in southern France. What is known about Catharism was that it was Christian heresy that rejected the highly corrupt and totalitarian Catholic Church in favor of personal spiritualism and a rejection of the material.<ref name="strongcathars">[https://www-tc.pbs.org/inquisition/pdf/TheCatharHeresy.pdf The Cathar Heresy]Dr. Stephen Haliczer. Northern Illinois University</ref> Catharism may have a survival of or influenced by Gnostic sects,<ref>[https://www.learnreligions.com/cathars-and-albigenses-249504 Cathars & Albigenses: What Was Catharism?] ''Learn Religions.''</ref> and its practitioners were known to practice gender egalitarianism and vegetarianism.<ref>[https://www.medievalists.net/2020/04/guide-cathars/ A Five-Minute Guide to the Cathars]. ''Medievalists.net''</ref> Heresy was at that point in time treated just a seriously as treason. However, the Cathars drew their strength from lower nobility as well as the poor peasantry who were disillusioned with the wealth and splendor of the Catholic Church.<ref name="strongcathars"></ref> 

This crusade was popular in northern France due to the opportunity for Frenchmen to win Crusader indulgences from the Church without having to travel all the way to Jerusalem.<ref name="calbigensian">[https://www.britannica.com/event/Albigensian-Crusade Albigensian Crusade] ''Britannica''</ref> A papal legate allegedly responded to the Crusaders' questions about conduct with the top page quote: "Kill them all. God will know his own."<ref name="calbigensian"></ref> And that's pretty much what the Crusaders did. Although the Crusade failed to completely remove the Cathar heresy, it did establish a number of more secular lords in the region who were more willing to work with the later-created [[Inquisition]], which ''did'' succeed in destroying the heresy.<ref name="calbigensian"></ref>

The Albigensian Crusade likely had the highest number of deaths during any of the Crusades. The minimum death estimates are 200,000 over 20 years of warfare.<ref>Colin Tatz, Winston Higgins, The Magnitude of Genocide 2016</ref> The violence was so pervasive that Raphael Lemkin, the Polish lawyer who coined the term “genocide” called it “
one of the most conclusive cases of genocide in religious history".<ref>Lemkin, Rafael ‘’Lemkin on Genocide’’ 2012</ref>

====The Children's Crusade (1212)====
The Children's Crusade was a religious movement<ref group=note>Possibly fictitious.</ref> that swept through Europe during the year 1212, in which thousands of children took unsanctioned Crusader vows and tried to march out to reclaim Jerusalem.<ref>[https://www.britannica.com/event/Childrens-Crusade Children's Crusade] ''Britannica''</ref> The Crusade failed when the army of kiddos made it to the Mediterranean coast only to be stumped when the sea didn't [[Moses|part before them]] like they had expected. No, really.<ref>Bridge, Antony. The Crusades. London: Granada Publishing, 1980. ISBN 0-531-09872-9</ref> At this point, the Pope figured out what was going on and told the kids to be good and go home to their parents. Allegedly, some of the children were tricked into slavery, and many probably died.

====Bosnian Crusade (1235-1241)====
Over the decades, the Bosnian Catholic Church had grown more and more independent from the Catholic Church, to the point where there were rumors about a Cathar [[antipope]] taking refuge in Bosnia.<ref>Van Antwerp Fine, John (1994), The Late Medieval Balkans: A Critical Survey from the Late Twelfth Century to the Ottoman Conquest, University of Michigan Press, pp. 143–146, 277, ISBN 0472082604</ref> These rumors have never been verified, but the Hungarians, who had long wanted an excuse to conquer the region, convinced the pope to call for a Crusade against the "Bosnian heretics".<ref>Van Antwerp Fine, John (1994), The Late Medieval Balkans: A Critical Survey from the Late Twelfth Century to the Ottoman Conquest, University of Michigan Press, pp. 143–146, 277, ISBN 0472082604</ref> Luckily for the Bosnians, the Mongols picked that exact moment to attack, destroying most of Hungary's armies and ending the Crusade.<ref>Hamilton, Janet; Hamilton, Bernard; Stoyanov, Yuri (1998). Christian Dualist Heresies in the Byzantine World, C. 650-c. 1450: Selected Sources. Manchester University Press. p. 265. ISBN 071904765X.</ref> The whole thing was pretty much a Hungarian conquest war thinly disguised as a divinely-sanctioned Crusade. Who woulda thought something like that could happen?

====Crusade of the Poor (1309)====
[[File:Croisade des Pastoreaux Britisch Librairy.jpg|thumb|right|225px|Peasant crusaders attack a French castle.]]
One of the popular grassroots "crusades", this incident is notable for targeting the Holy Land long after the last Crusader castle there had fallen.<ref name="poors">[https://erenow.net/postclassical/crusades/241.php Crusade of 1309]. ''Erenow.''</ref> Although Europe's rulers had lost interest in crusading by this point, many of the people and many local church officials were still determined to take back Jerusalem. Y'know, uh, somehow. 

The church succeeded in whipping up popular support for a new crusade, but the effort found itself without any major backing from Europe's nobility. As a result, the ten thousand or so people from places like England, Picardy, Flanders, Brabant, and Germany sort of milled aimlessly around southern France hoping to seek an audience with the pope at Avignon.<ref name="poors"/> True to the name, most of the would-be crusaders were from the bottom rungs of society, usually desperate peasants hoping to find glory and riches in the Holy Land.

When it became clear that nobody was going to help them reach the Holy Land, the "crusade" turned into a mob that ransacked southern France for provisions. Predictably, their worst violence was directed towards the [[Jews]], and they massacred Jews all over France.<ref name="poors"/> After this hideous bloodbath, the peasants sort of gave up and went home.<ref>{{wpa|Crusade of the Poor|}}</ref> 

====Shepherds' Crusade (1320)====
Religious fervor in France stirred up what was probably the most violent of the "popular" crusades in 1320. The Shepherd's Crusade was the result of local church officials whipping up religious fervor, and Pope John XXII in Avignon was terrified of the movement and tried to order them to disperse before they reached his papal palace.<ref name="secshep">[https://erenow.net/postclassical/crusades/843.php Shepherds' Crusade, Second (1320)]. ''Erenow.''</ref> When the movement reached Paris, they were infuriated when Philip V refused to lead them to the Holy Land.<ref>{{wpa|Shepherds' Crusade (1320)|}}</ref> At that point, the movement turned into a peasant rampage across France as they swept the countryside to attack royal castles and officials and uncooperative priests. They also massacred Jews across France (of course) and then moved south to [[Spain]] to kill even more Jews.<ref>[https://crusades-medieval.blogspot.com/2010/04/shepherds-crusade-1320.html Shepherds Crusade 1320]. ''Medieval Crusades''. Blogspot.</ref> The lucky Jews received the offer of baptism or death, most of them were just robbed and murdered.

Ultimately, this crusade ended thanks to the efforts of Philip V and his armies, as the king viewed the "crusade" as nothing more than a disloyal revolt. Royal armies defeated the wannabe crusaders in several battles, and most of the crusaders were then hanged as traitors by the authority of the French Crown.<ref name="secshep"/>

====The Crusade of Varna (1443-1444)====
[[File:Empèri Otoman - Expansion territòriala de 1307 a 1683.png|thumb|right|200px|The attempt to push the Ottos out of Europe didn't pan out.]]

The Crusade of Varna is the name given to an unsuccessful military campaign by multiple European monarchs (Poland, Hungary, Bohemia, Croatia, Wallachia, Lithuania, Serbia, Moldova) to check the expansion of the Ottoman Empire. After the old sultan abdicated in favor of his more inexperienced son, the Eastern Europeans believed they saw an opportunity to assault the Ottomans and push them out of the Balkans. 

Tactical problems forced the Crusaders to bypass multiple fortresses, and the Ottomans defeated them at the devastating Battle of Varna.<ref>[https://www.warhistoryonline.com/medieval/the-crusade-of-varna.html The Crusade of Varna] ''War History Online'' Jul 11, 2016. Yulia Dzhak</ref> This battle crushed most of the armies of Eastern Europe, weakening them immensely to the point where they were not able to come to the rescue of the Byzantine Empire when the Ottomans finally came for them in 1453.<ref> Madden, Thomas F. (2006). "9". The New Concise History of the Crusades. Rowman & Littlefield. p. 202. ISBN 978-0-7425-3823-8.</ref> Constantinople fell, and the Ottomans expanded into Europe for the next handful of centuries.

====''The Last Crusade'' (1938)====
Indiana Jones and his father, James Bond, fought [[Nazis]] and found the [[Holy Grail]]. Mr. Bond used it to become immortal.<ref>[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097576/ "You have chosen... wisely."]</ref>

==Consequences of the Crusades==
[[File:Maqamat hariri.jpg|thumb|right|275px|13<sup>th</sup> Century Muslim scholars.]]
The importance of the Crusades (at least the first four) in European [[history]] cannot be overstated. The Crusades helped to re-link Western Europe to the Silk and Spice roads. After the fall of the Western Roman Empire that part of the world remained largely isolated from eastern trade routes due to instability and a general lack of interest.<ref>[https://www.ancient.eu/Silk_Road/ Silk Road] ''Ancient History Encyclopedia''</ref><ref>[https://www.britannica.com/topic/Silk-Road-trade-route Silk Road] ''Britannica''</ref> Crusaders returning home often brought with them "exotic" eastern goods and Western Europeans were willing to trade for them; this desire for silks and spices encouraged the Western Europeans to try and find ways to cut out the middlemen and trade directly with [[China]] and [[India]], encouraging countries to begin exploring the world.<ref>[https://festival.si.edu/2002/the-silk-road/the-silk-road-connecting-peoples-and-cultures/smithsonian The Silk Road: Connecting People and Cultures] Kurin, Richard. ''Smithonian'' 2002</ref> Along with the flow of goods came a flow of ideas.

Rather than a bunch of stupid barbarians who destroyed everything they found, the Muslim conquerors of antiquity were scholars who embraced the cultures they found and preserved for study many ancient [[Greek]] and Latin texts that had been forgotten about in the [[West]].<ref name="smartmuslims">[https://www.crisismagazine.com/2013/the-real-significance-of-the-crusades The Real Significance of the Crusades] Byrne, David. ''Crisis Magazine''. 07.03.13</ref><ref group=note>Just don't tell that to the [[Islamophobe]]s.</ref> During the Crusades, Christians translated these texts, as well as further developments by Muslim scientists, and shipped them home through Medieval Europe's trading hubs — most significantly the [[Italian]] city-states.<ref name="smartmuslims"></ref> The rediscovery of these texts in the West, as well as a renewed appreciation for the ancient heritage, helped to spark the Italian [[Renaissance]], and are the reason for Arabic al- prefixes on many words related to the sciences (al-chemy, al-gebra, al-gorithm, etc).<ref>[https://books.google.com/books?id=xFUrCAAAQBAJ&pg=PT186&lpg=PT186&dq=islam+algebra+alchemy+-al&source=bl&ots=I5VnEI7NZD&sig=aj7t2ZZ14HvE6YzF0fOLaT8UkAk&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjL1snY04TdAhVJEawKHemJDvkQ6AEwCnoECF4QAQ#v=onepage&q=islam%20algebra%20alchemy%20-al&f=false Bridges: Documents of the Christian-Jewish Dialogue] ed. Franklin Sherman. ''Bulding a New Relationship (1986-2013)'' Vol 2.</ref> Due to this, many later European thinkers came to regard the Crusaders as barbarians (not helped by reports of them doing everything up to and including cannibalism) and Saladin in particular became such a respected figure as a learned and chivalrous opponent that [[Dante Alighieri]] placed him among the "virtuous pagans" who did not have to go to [[Hell]].<ref>[http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,36516,00.html Saladin (c. 1138-1193)] David Van Biema. ''TIME''. 12.26.99</ref>

Conversely the Crusades helped cement a form of radical Islam that would continue centuries later, not helped by Muslims in the East encountering the Mongol army in the same period. Many of the interpretations of scripture popular with modern jihadis were written in this period, particularly the interpretation of Quran 9:5 as the "sword verse."<ref>http://www.huffingtonpost.com/asma-afsaruddin/islam-not-monolithic_b_8955168.html</ref> Unfortunately the new trade routes brought back more than just silks, spices, and books; rats carrying infected fleas hitched rides on ships to Western Europe, bringing about the [[Middle_Ages#The plague|Black Death]] and resulting in the death of roughly one third of its population. That really sucks.

In modern usage, a "crusade" is any mission or movement based on [[Fanaticism|strong]] [[morality|moral]] or [[Ideology|ideological]] backing, such as [[Campus Crusade for Christ]]. Often, it denotes a [[delusion|foolish]] endeavor, such as, again, Campus Crusade for Christ.

==Crusade vs Jihad==
Muslim demagogues often compare [[American]] servicemen to European crusaders in [[propaganda]].<ref>[http://www.fas.org/irp/world/para/docs/980223-fatwa.htm World Islamic Front Statement, courtesy of the Federation of American Scientists]</ref> You can thank [[George W. Bush]] (and [[Wahhabism]]) for that one. Well, that and [[MRFF|U. S. Military arms inscribed with passages from the New Testament]]. And the US military operating [[wp:Vought F-8 Crusader|an aircraft]] called the "Crusader", in addition to almost fielding [[wp:Vought XF8U-3 Crusader III|another aircraft]] and a self-propelled gun with the same name.<ref>http://www.army-technology.com/projects/crusader/</ref>

While ''Jihad'' has a few more meanings than merely 'killing infidels', "Jihad of the Sword" means "waging war against the enemies of Allah", and "Jihad of the Tongue" means spreading Islam. In these senses, "Jihad" and "Crusade" are more or less mirror images of each other. The people performing Jihad, called "Mujahideen", are effectively Crusaders of a different religion. In more modern terms, the "Offensive-Jihad" of [[Sayyid Qutb]] that most non-Muslims think of when they hear the term 'Jihad', can be more or less summed up with the page quote. The [[irony]] should not be lost on anyone.

==Pseudohistory==
{{main|Pseudohistory}}
If someone ever tries to tell you that the Catholic church and the Jews of Europe were on the same side during the Crusades, it's up to you to determine whether that's an example of [[fractal wrongness]] or [[not even wrong]]. Not only were much of Europe's Jews marginalized, ghettoized, and [[pogrom]]ed, before, during, and after the period,<ref>[https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofEngland/Pogroms-1189-1190/ The Pogroms of 1189 and 1190] Eislund, Seth. ''Historic UK''.</ref><ref>[https://www.britannica.com/topic/anti-Semitism/Anti-Semitism-in-medieval-Europe Anti-Semitism In Medieval Europe] ''Britannica''</ref><ref>[https://www.encyclopedia.com/history/modern-europe/russian-soviet-and-cis-history/pogroms Pogroms] ''Encyclopedia.com''</ref> no Jews had any reason to participate in the 'reclamation' of Jerusalem for global Christianity. Instead, Jews were the subject of much Crusader violence on account of their not being Christians.<ref>[https://www.haaretz.com/jewish/this-day-massacre-in-mainz-1.5249699 This Day in Jewish History / Crusaders Massacre the Jews of Mainz] Green, David B. ''Haaretz'' 05.27.14</ref><ref>https://www.jewishhistory.org/the-first-crusade/ The First Crusade] ''Jewish History''</ref>

==Modern times==
The rise of the [[alt-right]] has brought with it calls for a renewed Crusade against [[DAESH]] specifically, but more [[Alt-right glossary#Based|"based"]] people would like to [[Genocide|purge the entire Middle East]]. Of course, the people shouting "Deus Vult!" on [[8chan|/pol/]] aren't ''actually'' going to pick up a rifle and risk their own skins. They're...[[chickenhawk|uh]]...[[Masturbation|bu]][[Troll|sy]]. They have a perfectly logical response to this though: Calling you a [[Alt-right glossary#Cuck|cuck]]. [[Argumentum ad nauseam|Over, and over, and over again.]]

==See also==
*[[Jerusalem]]
*[[Inquisition]]
*[[Thirty Years War]]
*[[Taiping Rebellion]]
*[[Lord's Resistance Army]]
*[[Massacres in the name of a peaceful faith]]

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0zudTQelzI The Crusades - Pilgrimage or Holy War?]
*[http://europeanhistory.boisestate.edu/crusades/ A virtual college course on the crusades]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIs5B2U7US0 Europe : The First Crusade ''Extra History'']

==Notes==
{{reflist|group=note}}

==References==
{{reflist|2|80%}}{{reflist}}

[[Category:Medieval history]]
[[Category:Political terms]]
[[Category:Christianity]]
[[Category:Crimes against humanity]]
[[Category:War]]
[[Category:History]]
[[Category:European history]]
[[Category:Europe]]
[[Category:We're on a mission from God]]

Categories: Medieval history, Political terms, Christianity, Crimes against humanity, War, History, European history, Europe, We're on a mission from God