Larry Craig

[[File:Larry Craig official portrait - cropped .jpg|thumb|165px|Well, hi there! Oh, don't worry, officer. I just like a ''wide stance''.]]{{christianity|1}}
{{cquote|And then you always have senators willing to push the comedy envelope, like Senator Larry Craig, a guy who tried to pick up a man in a men's room by morse code. How the fuck do you do that? How do you go, "Will you blow me?" "Maayybbeee?"|||{{wpl|Robin Williams}}, ''Weapons of Self Destruction''<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gEKcjTsdQQ Robin Williams - Weapons of Self Destruction (2009) HDTV]</ref>}}
'''Larry "Wide Stance" Craig''' {{lived|1945}} was a [[Republican]] [[United States Senate|Senator]] from Council, [[Fun:Idaho|Idaho]], [[United States|USA]] who is not [[gay]] and never has been [[gay]]. He is best known for his hardcore [[theocracy|theocratic]] bent and for pleading guilty to "lewd conduct" in an airport restroom.<ref>[http://idahoptv.org/idreports/showEditorial.cfm?StoryID=19206 Thank those who kept Idaho part of round Earth] Jim Fisher January 9, 2006 Lewiston Morning Tribune</ref><ref name=fox>[http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,294810,00.html Sen. Larry Craig Denies Wrongdoing, Leaves Romney Campaign After June Arrest] Fox News Monday, August 27, 2007</ref> He is totally not [[gay]].

==Community Life Amendment==
On June 15, 1989, Craig co-sponsored the [[anti-abortion]] Community Life Amendment in the [[US]] Senate which would amend the constitution to "allow voluntary [[prayer]] and the teaching of the [[Judeo-Christian]] ethic in [[public school]]s."<ref name=amendment>[http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c101:H.J.RES.297 Text of the Community Life Amendment from THOMAS]</ref>

The amendment had four wide-reaching prongs:

{{cquote|
SECTION 1. The right of the people to allow voluntary [[prayer]] and the teaching of the Judeo-Christian ethic in public schools shall not be denied or abridged by the United States.

SECTION 2. For the purpose of section 1, the term 'teaching of the Judeo-Christian ethic' shall include the [[Ten Commandments]] and the [[creationism|creation of the earth]] as accepted in Judeo-Christian tradition.

SECTION 3. Section 1 shall not force the people to enact any statute against their will.

SECTION 4. Nothing in this Amendment shall constitute the [[Establishment Clause|establishment of a religion]], nor shall this Amendment permit any governmental or administrative authority to prescribe the form or content of any voluntary prayer.<ref name=amendment />}}

He is not [[gay]].

==Lewd conduct==
[[Image:Larry Craig mugshot.jpg|thumb|250|right|Mug shot after Arrest in June of 2007. Does this look like a [[gay]] man to you?]]
In 1982, the FBI investigated accusations of sexual abuse made against fifteen congressional employees by two male interns. Craig responded to the investigation by making a public denial of all "accusations" against him...except that none of the men accused had been publicly identified.<ref>Dan Popkey, [https://www.idahostatesman.com/news/special-reports/larry-craig/article40685142.html Men's room arrest reopens questions about Sen. Larry Craig]. ''Idaho Statesman'', 21 October 2015.</ref> Oops.

On August 8th, 2007 Craig plead guilty to disorderly conduct charges. Craig was arrested June 11 by a plainclothes officer investigating complaints of lewd conduct in a men's restroom at the airport.<ref name=fox /> Not [[gay]].

He has attempted several methods to try and "make it go away" including filing to withdraw his guilty plea<ref>[http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2003877746_webcraig10.html Craig files papers to withdraw guilty plea in sex sting]</ref> and failing at both the Minnesota district court<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20071008144802/http://www.mncourts.gov/documents/4/Public/4th_Suburban_Courts/Southdale/State_of_Minnesota_v_Larry_Edwin_Craig_10-4-07.pdf State of Minnesota v Larry Edwin Craig]</ref> and Minnesota appellate court<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20081211010219/http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iM7VsmCI91xXDASkhgtGf3_zk__gD94V9JQ00 Sen. Craig loses appeal in airport sex sting case] </ref> also resulting in four more gay men independently coming forward with allegations of previous encounters with him.<ref>[http://www.idahostatesman.com/2007/12/02/226703_more-gay-men-describe-sexual-encounters.html?rh=1 More gay men describe sexual encounters with U.S. Sen. Craig] – this is obvious nonsense, as he isn't [[gay]].</ref> Now, he is claiming various forms of confusion and stupidity as a retroactive defense against his plea. He also said that he would never trawl for [[male|men]] in Boise. Why bust on Boise, dude? One is left to wonder why he didn't simply beat the rap, if it was so insubstantial. Especially as he isn't [[gay]].

==Too much information==
Senator Craig alleges, in his attempts to minimize the exposure of the errors of his ways, that when using the toilet in a sitting position, he takes a very "wide stance."<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20120104060914/http://articles.cnn.com/2007-08-28/politics/craig.arrest_1_idaho-republican-senator-craig-airport-bathroom/2?_s=PM:POLITICS Craig: I did nothing 'inappropriate' in airport bathroom]</ref>  Eeeew. (Even for an instant cliche.)

Apparently he also does not flush or wash his hands (as a [[gay]] man always would), either, perhaps because the [[Law enforcement|police]] officer had, by then, placed him neatly into a pair of handcuffs.

==Still not gay==
And never has been [[gay]].<ref>[http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=3533305&page=1 Craig: I'm Not Gay, Did Nothing Wrong]</ref>

==Jokes==
*Larry Craig, due to his exploits, was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Not the entire hall, just the bathroom. The non-gay one.{{fact|joke}}
*"Senator Craig defiantly vowed today to serve out his term. And when Larry Craig makes a vow, you know he means it. Okay, except for the [[marriage]] vow." - Jay Leno
*"Senator Craig from Idaho is blaming the media for his guilty plea, especially that cute guy from the Associated Press." - David Letterman
*"It's kind of ironic. The whole time he was copping a feel, he was actually feeling a cop." - Jay Leno

==See also==
*[[Haggard's Law]]
*[[Not gay]]

==External links==
*[http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0828071craig1.html Documentation at The Smoking Gun]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIsLFjWCTsk Larry Craig is Completely Heterosexual] (and, for the avoidance of doubt, he is not [[gay]])
*[http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/fighting_words/2007/09/so_many_mens_rooms_so_little_time.html Larry Craig gets hitchslapped]

==References==
{{reflist|2|90%}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Craig, Larry}}
[[Category:Anti-abortion activists]]
[[Category:Chickenhawks]]
[[Category:Christians]]
[[Category:Completely heterosexual]]
[[Category:Creationists]]
[[Category:Former United States Senators]]
[[Category:Former United States Representatives]]
[[Category:Homophobes]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Musicians]]
[[Category:Right-wing activists]]
[[Category:Theocracy]]

Categories: Anti-abortion activists, Chickenhawks, Christians, Completely heterosexual, Creationists, Former United States Senators, Former United States Representatives, Homophobes, Living people, Musicians, Right-wing activists, Theocracy