Book of Revelation

[[File:Apocalypse vasnetsov.jpg|thumb|right|250px|The Four Horsemen.]]
{{biblenav}}
{{ctransquote|The day of wrath, that day<br>Will dissolve the world in ashes<br>David being witness along with the Sibyl.|[[Latin]]|Dies iræ dies illa<br>Solvet sæclum in favilla<br>Teste David cum Sibylla.|||The [[Latin]] hymn ''Dies Iræ'' or "Day of Wrath"<ref>[https://www.classical-music.com/features/works/dies-irae-lyrics Dies irae lyrics] (September 1, 2022 at 2:52 am) ''BBC Music Magazine''.</ref>}}
{{cquote|The insanest of all books.|||Robert G. Ingersoll<ref>[https://archive.org/details/worksrobertging02unkngoog/page/386/mode/2up ''The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll'', Volume 4] by Robert G. Ingersoll (1902) Dresden Publishing Co.</ref>{{rp|387}}}}
{{cquote|It is appalling that this is what fundamentalist Christians are longing for: a world where they get to worship God and everyone else suffers in stages at the hands of enemies that only exist on paper courtesy of a three-year-old with an overactive imagination.|||[[Hemant Mehta]]<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxXfCF0vQVc Everything Wrong With Revelation 9 in the Bible] by Hemant Mehta (The Friendly Atheist) (Feb 25, 2024) ''YouTube''.</ref>}}
The '''Book of Revelation''' (not ''Revelation'''s''''') is the last book of the [[Bible]], and describes the tribulations visited upon mankind at the [[End times|end of the world (which is often referred to as the "end times")]], the ultimate battle between good-and-[[evil]], and, finally, the [[Second Coming]] of [[Christ]]. Authorship of the book has been questioned over the centuries, but the prevailing view is that it was written by a man named John of Patmos, a.k.a., John the Theologian, who was none of the other nine or so Johns of the Bible.<ref>{{wpl|New Testament people named John#Mentioned in narrative}}</ref> Another mystery is what exactly John [[Drugs|had ingested]] before he wrote this stuff.

Even by Biblical standards, it's a strange book.{{efn|[[Richard Carrier]] in one of his lectures describes Revelation as a "Five hour acid trip so bizarre if you actually made it into a movie it would actually outdo ''Eraserhead'' for the title of 'Most Annoying Weird Movie Ever Made' as it’s basically the ramblings of a guy who has an hours-long conversation with the dead spirit of [[Jesus]] who appears in the form of fucked up mutant that makes John Carpenter’s ''The Thing'' look cuddly" and in case you are wondering yes somebody ''did'' make it into a movie, several of them in fact,<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Book+Of+Revelation+movie Search: Revelation movie] ''YouTube''.</ref> with one of them adding the Uncanny Valley of CGI to the already off the wall bonkers story<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6DtBsYfM1g The Book Of Revelation-Animated KJV / Apocalipsa: Revelatia cu subtitrare Romana] (Oct 14, 2014) ''YouTube''.</ref>}} A fair number of (non-[[dispensationalist]]) [[theologian]]s believe that this text, including its bizarre elements, was intended simply to be a coded exhortation to the [[Asian]] churches not to give up hope in the face of [[Roman]] persecution (the Romans wouldn't get all the allusions to [[Old Testament]] imagery).{{efn|Of course, ''these'' people are [[heretics]] because people will stop buying my book describing all the [[shoehorning]] I worked so hard to make up!}}

'''''Spoiler alert:''''' [[God]] wins.{{efn|But not before screwing everyone over. So much for an all-loving God.}} (Duh.)

==Prologue==
The book begins with a highly symbolic vision of Jesus Christ that was had by John while on the island of Patmos, complete with seven candlesticks, seven [[star]]s, and a flaming-eyed Jesus holding a sword in his mouth, {{bible|Revelation|1|16}}: "And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp twoedged sword…" and {{bible|Revelation|1|14}}: "…and his eyes were as a flame of fire".

Jesus instructs John to write a letter to each of the seven principal churches of the Roman province of Asia — Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamon, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia (no, not that one) and Laodicea. The letters are to variously commend and rebuke the churches, while referring back to the symbolism of the vision, and contain various prophecies of coming persecutions and of the end times.

[[Christian]]s have different approaches to interpreting the seven churches. Some focus on them as [[Biblical literalism|literal, historic churches]], and see the letters as referring to particular problems that they were experiencing at the time that Revelation was written. Others adopt a less literal reading, either as different types of churches, or else as different historic ages through which the church will pass.

==The Seven Seals==
[[File:The number of the beast is 666 Philadelphia, Rosenbach Museum and Library.jpg|thumb|right|200px|William Blake's painting, "The number of the beast is 666" (1805). Are we ''sure'' that [[LSD]] wasn't discovered before the 20<sup>th</sup> century? {{wpl|Ergotism#Salem witchcraft accusations|Oh wait, it kinda was||.}}]]
Revelation begins with a view of [[Heaven]] where all manner of beasts and men worship God. In thanks for their worship, Jesus opens the seals on seven scrolls which release the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a group of [[martyr]]s begging for [[Judgment Day]],{{efn|The title of a {{wpl|Judgment Day (disambiguation)|shitload of movies and books|.}}}} and, penultimately, an earthquake. Finally, on the opening of the Seventh Seal,{{efn|''{{wpl|The Seventh Seal}}'' (Swedish: ''Det sjunde inseglet'') is also an excellent Ingmar Bergman film that references the Book of Revelation.<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpKrvkussjw ''The Seventh Seal''] ''YouTube''. The complete film with English subtitles.</ref>}} Heaven is quiet for about a half hour, whereupon God gives seven trumpets to the [[angel]]s and the angels begin [[Prayer|praying]]. One of the angels takes a censer filled with fire and hurls it at the [[Earth]], resulting in earthquakes, thunder, and lightning. Cheers mate!

Next, the trumpet section gets its chance for a solo. The trumpets result in a hail of fire and blood destroying one-third of the Earth's surface, the collapse of a fiery mountain into the sea, one-third of the seas turning to blood, killing one-third of the sea creatures, the darkening of one-third of the [[Sun]], [[Moon]], and stars for one day, the falling of a star from Heaven opening the Abyss releasing a swarm of scorpion-locusts (urgh). In [[reality]], a collision with even a small star would destroy the Earth. On second thought, we can relax. Perhaps the author only meant a meteor or [[comet]]. Also, a woman is crowned with stars — or meteors? Comets? And, a [[dragon]] throws with its tail one-third of the stars to Earth. No, clearly, the author did not know what a star really is.

''Ahem''.

Return to the trumpets. The sixth trumpet releases angels from the Euphrates to take 200 million Horsemen to [[Examples of God personally killing people|slay one-third of mankind]]. The seventh angel holds off a bit with the trumpet so as to release the really good stuff when one least expects it.

Now things get really interesting as we get into still more hallucinogenic territory. Two witnesses preaching the word of God use [[supernatural]] powers to issue forth [[plague]]s on mankind, and are attacked by the Beast. They lie dead for three and a half days and then ascend into Heaven. Then the woman who was crowned with stars is pursued all over Heaven and Earth by the [[dragon]], leading to a battle in Heaven between the dragon's forces and the righteous angels led by Michael,{{efn|God would help out, but he's off tinkering with some other, better [[universe]]}} with [[heavy metal]] music playing in the background. The dragon is thrown down to Earth and drowns the woman with water from its mouth, but the woman grows eagle wings and flies away. Then, beasts rise from the sea and Earth to convince man to follow the Beast. Finally, the seventh angel, having had all this time to get his jaw loose, goes all Dizzy Gillespie on us.

==Gathering armies==
[[File:Judgment Bus New Orleans 2011.jpg|thumb|right|250px|"The Bible guarantees it!"]]
Upon the sounding of the seventh trumpet, angels pour out the contents of seven bowls.{{efn|At least six of which John must have been smoking.}} The pouring of the bowls results in sores appearing on mankind, the death of all things in the sea, the seas turning to blood, the Sun turning 
into a red giant
 red and scorching the Earth, the Earth being covered in darkness, the drying up of the Euphrates and the gathering of the armies of the [[Antichrist]] at a place called [[Armageddon]], an earthquake, and hail falling on Earth (wait, under a scorching sun?).

After that fun-fest 
Dumah
 the [[Prostitution|Whore]] of [[Babylon]] rises up to take power over the Earth, sitting on 
Fluffy
 a Beast with seven heads and ten horns (this'd make a good movie) with [[Antichrist#Other contenders and helpers|Other contenders and helpers]]. Eventually, the [[European Union#The Antichrist|countries controlled by the Kings that worship the Beast]] make war on her. Finally, having seen enough, Jesus shows up and kicks some Beast ass. The Beast, the Antichrist of the number [[666]] (or 616), and their followers are thrown into a lake of fire, but only for a thousand years (because Jesus doesn't want us getting too complacent). After the thousand years, [[Satan]] makes his appearance, [[Gog and Magog]] get into some kind of battle ({{bible|Revelation|20|7|8}}) but God (having finally finished that other universe full of [[Goat|reasonable individuals]]) shows up and devours Satan with a 
flame strike spell
 pillar of flame from Heaven.<ref group=note>Dear Gods, what a fucking anticlimax</ref> A new, 
[[Star Trek|Borg]]
 cube-like, [[Jerusalem]] descends from heaven, and we all 
are assimilated
 live happily ever after (although extended therapy sessions may be required, which would not be at all necessary if the angels had played horns).

==The Rapture==
[[File:Teachings of Jesus 40 of 40. the rapture. one in the bed. Jan Luyken etching. Bowyer Bible.gif|thumb|right|250px|Get outta that chair, you lazy fuck. You're going to Heaven!]]
It is a common misconception that the [[Rapture]], an event where God takes all the Christians both dead and living off the Earth, comes from the book of Revelation. In actuality the Rapture is found in {{bible|1 Thessalonians|4|16|17}}. Revelation only mentions that 144,000 of the Twelve Tribes of [[Israel]]{{efn|No, not that [[Twelve Tribes]].}} will be saved from the tribulations, but 1 Thessalonians refers to all Christians. One should also note that this concept of a spiritual [[resurrection]] of the dead first appears in {{bible|Daniel|12|1|2}}.

In some sort of [[mass delusion]] of exceptionalism, many [[fundamentalist Christian]]s ascribe to a view commonly called [[Millennialism#Pre-tribulational (dispensational) pre-millennialism|dispensational premillennialism]] wherein all True Christians™ will be raptured to Heaven before the tribulations, even though the Bible isn't clear at all on the timing of the rapture. Essentially, they're fine with whatever happens to the rest of the world, as long as they don't have to live through it. There are also slightly friendlier people who believe in a rather more egalitarian post-tribulation rapture, wherein Christians will have to live through the tribulation just like everyone else. Unfortunately, this group has thus far failed to talk any sense into the [[Rapture Ready|Rapture Ready Jesus Jerks]] actively praying for the destruction of the earth. You'd think they could at least throw in a good word for the rest of us. I mean, they're basically saying "I don't care if ''you'' die a horrible, horrible death, as long as ''I'' get teleported first."

Conversely, there probably exist some number of non-Christians wishing that the Rapture would occur (soon!), take the fundamentalists to wherever (ideally somewhere free of prior inhabitants for them to antagonize), and rid the rest of us of their shit.

==Authorship and canonicity==
{{main|Authorship of the New Testament}}
The author claims to be called John. Traditionally, readers attributed the book to the author of the [[Gospel of John]] and/or to the disciple John, son of Zebedee (they may or may not have been the same person), but most Christian theologians and historians reject this attribution. A {{wpl|John the Presbyter}} is also sometimes blamed. Scholars now attribute the book to someone else, called {{wpl|John of Patmos||,}} although that name might as well be "John Author of Revelation" for all anybody knows about him. Our knowledge comes purely from textual clues, and there is even some debate over whether he was Christian or [[Jewish]]; he doesn't show much familiarity with the gospels.<ref name=blake>[http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/03/31/four-big-myths-about-the-book-of-revelation/ 4 big myths of Book of Revelation] by John Blake (March 31, 20120 ''CNN''.</ref>

Composition of the book is traditionally dated to the time of the Roman emperor Domitian (81-96 CE), when Christians were being persecuted (again), and the text is viewed as an allegory of persecution or a call for the faithful to buck up and stay strong. But some references appear to point to [[Roman emperor#Nero (54-68)|Nero]], who reigned as emperor from 54 to 68, raising the suggestion either that those references date from that time, or that they reflect beliefs that Nero would return from the grave like a [[vampire]] to crush Christians. Alternatively, the work represents a response to the destruction of the Second Temple in [[Jerusalem]] in 70 CE.<ref name=blake/> Other theories suggest authorship by more than one person at different times, with chapters 4-11 written first. More eccentric theories claim the core was written by [[John the Baptist]]. The author's lack of familiarity with much of the New Testament suggests an early date of authorship, but is hardly conclusive.

In the 4<sup>th</sup> century, Christian leaders continued to debate whether ''Revelation'' should be included in the standard [[canon]] of the Bible, although they ultimately decided "yes" and tucked it into the standard editions at the end - after all the other less-contentious books. [[Martin Luther|Luther]] himself, an influential Bible-producer, had doubts as to the book's canonicity.<ref>
{{cite book
 | last1 = Gribben
 | first1 = Crawford
 | title = Evangelical Millennialism in the Trans-Atlantic World, 1500-2000
 | url = https://books.google.com/books?id=l969CwAAQBAJ
 | series = Palgrave Connect eBook Collection
 | location = Basingstoke
 | publisher = SpringerPalgrave Macmillan
 | publication-date = 2010
 | page = 26
 | isbn = 9780230304611
 | access-date = 2018-09-16
 | quote = Luther was familiar with Erasmus' ''Annotationes'', but cited more relevant reasons to question the canonicity of Revelation, including his concern that the book was insufficiently focused on Jesus Christ, and thought that in this respect the obscurity of its content might be compared to that of 4 Esdras, never the brightest star of the apocryphal firmament.
}}
</ref>
Some eastern [[Nestorianism|Nestorian]] churches continue to reject it.<ref>
{{cite book
 | last1 = Wall
 | first1 = Robert W.
 | chapter = 12: The Apocaplypse of the New Testament in Canonical Context
 | editor1-last = Wall
 | editor1-first = Robert W.
 | editor2-last = Lemcio
 | editor2-first = Eugene E.
 | title = The New Testament as Canon: A Reader in Canonical Criticism
 | url = https://books.google.com/books?id=jUCbCgAAQBAJ
 | series = The Library of New Testament Studies
 | volume = 76
 | location = Sheffield
 | publisher = Bloomsbury Publishing
 | publication-date = 1992
 | page = 276
 | isbn = 9780567523969
 | access-date = 2018-09-16
 | quote = Today, there are still some non-Chalcedon (i.e. Nestorian) Christian communions who reject the canonicity of Revelation and follow the Peshitta, an ancient Syriac version of the Bible that excludes Revelation along with 2 Peter, 2-3 John, and Jude.
}}
</ref>

American statesman and [[Founding Father]] [[Thomas Jefferson]] considered the Book of Revelation as "merely the ravings of a maniac, no more worthy nor capable of explanation than the incoherences of our own nightly dreams."<ref>[https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Jefferson/98-01-02-4882 Thomas Jefferson on the Book of Revelation]</ref>

==Influence==
Despite questions over who wrote it, what it means, and whether it belongs in the Bible, it has been very influential on later Christians, particularly those of a more gloomy bent who see an imminent [[apocalypse]] as approaching. While other books of the Bible such as [[Book of Daniel|Daniel]] also appear to predict the end of days, Revelation is particularly rich in symbolism with [[Apophenia|endless opportunities for making connections with the world outside]]. Elements such as the [[Number of the Beast]], [[Whore of Babylon]], {{wpl|Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse||,}} the [[Rapture]], the [[Second Coming]] of Jesus, and the Seven Seals have become mainstays of European and American art and culture. Apocalyptic or [[millenarian]] tendencies have existed in Christianity since the 5<sup>th</sup> century, and remained strong through the [[Reformation]] and into dispensationalist tendencies in modern [[Protestantism]].<ref>Lorenzo DiTommaso, [https://web.archive.org/web/20151210024602/https://www.bibleodyssey.org/en/passages/related-articles/apocalyptic-thought-after-revelation Apocalyptic Thought after Revelation]. n.p. [cited 21 Sep 2020].</ref>

In the 17<sup>th</sup> century apocalypic groups such as the [[Fifth Monarchists]] prospered; although largely influenced by Daniel, they looked to John to calculate that the year 1666 would be the end of the world. In the 19<sup>th</sup> century, groups such as the {{wpl|Millerism|Millerites|,}} [[Seventh-day Adventism]], and [[Jehovah's Witnesses]] expected an imminent Second Coming or final judgment. A Jehovah's Witnesses text, "The Infamous Harlot-Her Destruction", tries to link the Whore of Babylon and other elements of Revelation with the rise to power of [[Hitler]].<ref>[https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1989282 The Infamous Harlot​—Her Destruction], Watchtower Online Library, 1979</ref> More recently it has inspired writing such as [[Hal Lindsey]]'s ''Late Great Planet Earth'', the ''[[Left Behind]]'' series of books and films,<ref>[https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/apocalypse/explanation/worldview.html The Apocalyptic World View], James Tabor, ''Frontline'', PBS</ref> and the ''Salvation War'' saga, where [[Yahweh]] follows to a such book.<ref group=note>And we discover the Book of Revelation ''is'' the result of a quite bad trip.</ref>

As "the insanest of all books", Revelation has been inspirational to a few insane [[conspiracy theories]], such as the book ''[[Behold a Pale Horse]]'' ({{bible|Revelation|6|8}}) and the [[QAnon]] [[unified conspiracy theory]] ({{bible|Revelation|2|9}} and {{bible|Revelation|3|9}}). It has also been fuel for [[antisemitism]] among conspiracy theorists (e.g., QAnon believers, and [[Rick Wiles]]) because of these two passages:
{{cquote|Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan, which say they are Jew, and are not, but do lie; behold, I will make them to come and worship before thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee.|||{{bible|Revelation|3|9}}}}

The schism between [[peace]]-and-love [[Gospel]] Jesus and angry-and-vengeful Revelation Jesus being reflected in a schism in American churches has been noticed. The latter can be seen in [[Christian nationalism]] and [[Dominionism]].<ref>[https://www.au.org/the-latest/church-and-state/articles/the-two-jesuses/ The Two Jesuses] by Eric Lane (December 2, 2024) ''Church & State Magazine, Americans United for Separation of Church and State''.</ref>

==See also==
*[[2012 apocalypse]]
*[[RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/Revelation]]
*[[Schadenfreude]]
*[[Sky sounds]]

==External links==
*[http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/keith_gilmour/revelation.html Revelation's Place in the Christian Bible (2007)]

==Notes==
{{reflist|group=note|2}}

==References==
{{reflist|2}}

{{BibleGuide}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Revelation}}
[[Category:New Testament]]
[[Category:End of the world]]

Categories: New Testament, End of the world