Nostradamus

[[File:Nostradamus1.jpg|right|thumb|165px|Nostradamus, about to take a sick rip from his famous [[fortune-telling]] bong.]]{{psychic}}
{{cquote|A stupid, [[France|French]] fuck; Nostradamus<br>Who liked saying; "Doom is upon us!"<br>Wrote an "[[Apocalypse|end of the world]]" bit<br>In rhyming, French [[bullshit]].|||[[Penn Jillette]], ''[[Penn & Teller: Bullshit!]]''<ref>''[[Penn & Teller: Bullshit!]]'', episode S01E04, ''End of the World''</ref>}}
'''Michel de Nostredame''' (1503—1566), usually latinised as '''Nostradamus''' was a sixteenth-century [[France|French]] [[astrology|astrologer]], scholar, and physician who is best remembered for making predictions about world events.

As with all visionaries, his success rate has been [[Hindsight_bias|perfect in hindsight.]] This is mostly because he wrote his predictions in a mixture of his native French, Greek, Italian, [[Latin]], and Provençal and kept them so [[vague]] (such as by writing them almost exclusively in metaphorical poetic language, ostensibly to keep the Spanish Inquisition off his back) that they can be [[Shoehorning|shoehorned]] to fit [[Texas_sharpshooter_fallacy|nearly any set of events]].

It isn't really clear whether he ''himself'' genuinely believed he had precognitive powers, or if he was just a knowing charlatan like modern day psychics. In any case, even his most ardent believers show curiously little interest in explaining just ''how'' he was allegedly able see the future in the first place, instead focusing nearly all their efforts on attempting to demonstrate the veracity of the predictions themselves. Occasionally someone might attempt to shoehorn him into whatever woo, pseudoscience, or new age mumbo-jumbo they already believe in, but that's really it.

His book is titled ''Centuries,'' and purports to predict the future all the way up to the year 4,000 (he also wrote the lesser-known ''Prognostications'', but those predictions were specifically for the year after the book was released, so it's hardly ever brought up anymore).

==The end of the world==
Some predictions by Nostradamus suggested that the world would end in 1999.<ref>"King of Terror:  1999".  Morgana's Observatory.  2006.  http://www.dreamscape.com/morgana/1999.htm</ref> Then, some Nostradamus supporters suggested it would be in [[2012 apocalypse|2012]]. And they wanted you to pay for the news...which itself is a pretty good indication that they didn't expect the end of the world, or why would money be important to them? 

{{quotebox|''Available as a Book Download ($14.95) or Softcover ($19.95)!''}}

Perhaps they hoped people wouldn't remember 1999.<ref>"The Nostradamus Code:  World War III, 2009-2012."  NostradamusOnline.com.  2009.  http://www.nostradamusonline.com/?a=383</ref>   Nostradamus's believers will probably revise the date yet again—you don't need [[precognition]] to predict ''that''.  

Up until 1991 (when the [[Soviet Union|USSR]] broke up) Nostradamus's books supposedly "predicted" a war between the [[United States]] and Soviet Union. None of them predicted the breakup of the Soviet Union.  Cecil Adams, himself no slouch as a seer, put it best: "Nostradamus did for [[bullshit]] what [[Stonehenge]] did for rocks."

Modern websites such as Nostradamus Predictions<ref>"Nostradamus Predictions" NostradamusPredictions.org. 2014. http://nostradamuspredictions.org/</ref> actively discuss current world events, predictions, the end of the world, war and antichrist predictions.

To be fair — he did, however, 
predict
 document a very good recipe for jam.<ref>[http://huff.to/V8SLob Nostradamus' Recipe For Cherry Jelly]</ref><ref>[https://youtu.be/Iffo4iy5bys QI &mdash; What Did Nostradamus Get Right?]</ref>

==Forging bull==
{{main|Historical forgery}}
Much of Nostradamus' fame is based on predictions which he never really made. At least four forgeries bearing his name are known, with various publishers claiming to have found "new" material.

The original printer was unwilling to start in the middle of a "Century" (i.e., a book of 100 verses) because the work was published in three installments, the last fifty-eight quatrains of which — the seventh "Century" — do not exist in any extant edition, making it even easier to claim that "new" material has been found.

In some cases, parts from different actual quatrains were mixed together, forming brand new [[bullshit]] predictions.

===''Nostradamus Says So!''===
A combination of both the above methods were used in [[World War II]], where forged Nostradamus prediction leaflets were dropped on France by the [[Nazis]].

The Allies responded with ''their own'' forged Nostradamus predictions, some of which later made their way into the 1953 film, ''Nostradamus Says So!''.<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKND13PHhS0 ''Nostradamus Says So!'' (Prophecies of Nostradamus)]</ref>

==Try this at home==
{{main|Barnum effect}}
For example, see if you can make this Nostradamus quatrain correspond to something (anything, really):
{{quotebox|The river that tries the new Celtic heir<br>Will be in great discord with the Empire:<br>The young Prince through the ecclesiastical people<br>Will remove the sceptre of the crown of concord.}}

No? How about this one?

{{quotebox|In the sacred temples scandals will be perpetrated,<br>They will be reckoned as honors and commendations:<br>Of one of whom they engrave medals of silver and of gold,<br>The end will be in very strange torments.}}

Still nothing? Well, don't worry — we thankfully have [[John_Hogue|experts]] on hand to decode the meaning of Nostradamus' writings ''for'' you. Turns out, [[John_Hogue#Revisionism|Saddam is]] [[John_Hogue#Geography_skills|in Canada]]! Or something.

==But even then he'd still be useless==
The question of whether or not he could actually see the future is ultimately irrelevant. For even if he really could, a prediction deliberately written so vaguely that it can only be correctly interpreted ''after the fact'' is hardly any use as a ''pre-''diction at all, now is it?

As such, there are only 3 possibilities. Either 1) he didn't actually know the future, or 2) he knew it, but ''deliberately'' formulated it in ways as vague as to be practically useless (in which case, he's a jackass, a jerk, a fool, a crackpot, or all that simultaneously), or 3) whatever magic Nostradamus uses ''requires'' him to write predictions in incredibly vague ways (in which case, such magic is practically useless).

==[[Stopped clock]]==
He was the first person to describe {{wpl|benzoic acid}}.

==See also==
{{Div col|2}}
*[[2012 apocalypse]]
*[[Astrology]]
*[[Failed biblical prophecies]]
*[[Precognition]]
*[[John Hogue]]
*[[Dennis Markuze]] (who refers to himself as the Nostradamian "Mabus", and has a morbid obsession with his predictions and everyone's opinion on them)
*[[Baba Vanga]]
*[[Edgar Cayce]]
*[[List of predictions of the end of the world]]
{{Div col end}}

==References==
{{reflist|2}}

[[Category:Astrologers]]
[[Category:Conspiracy theories]]
[[Category:European history]]
[[Category:Prophecies]]

Categories: Astrologers, Conspiracy theories, European history, Prophecies