Kim Jong-un

[[File:Kim Jong Un with Honor Guard portrait.jpg|thumb|right|165px|Kim Jong-Un himself]]{{communism|1}}
{{cquote|We should send Kim Jong-un a note: "Who are you really mad at? The U.S. or your father?" Then arrest him while he's crying.|||Comedy Central's ''Indecision''<ref>[http://twitter.com/indecision/status/317646793024339968 There is some truth to this], actually. Kim Jong-nam, his older brother, was [http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2011/12/weirdest-thing-about-north-korea-succession-kim-jong-il considered the heir apparent until 2010.]</ref>}}

'''Kim Jong-un''' (Korean: 김정은) {{lived|1984}}<ref name=aunt>[https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/the-secret-life-of-kim-jong-uns-aunt-who-has-lived-in-the-us-since-1998/2016/05/26/522e4ec8-12d7-11e6-a9b5-bf703a5a7191_story.html The secret life of Kim Jong Un’s aunt, who has lived in the U.S. since 1998] By Anna Fifield (May 27 at 6:00 AM) ''[[The Washington Post]]''.</ref> is the current [[dictator|owner]] of [[North Korea]], which he inherited from his father — the "dear leader" [[Kim Jong-il]] — and one of the youngest state leaders in the world.<ref>{{wpl|Youngest State Leaders}}</ref> He is also the sexiest man alive<ref>[http://www.theatlantic.com/international/print/2012/11/kim-jong-un-sexiest-man-alive-chinese-paper-falls-for-the-onion/265627/ As reported by a Chinese newspaper, mistaking ''The Onion'' for serious news]</ref> and the "greatest military commander in the world."<ref>[http://www.smh.com.au/comment/kim-out-of-strikes-as-world-sits-tight-20130401-2h2zt.html Kim out of strikes as world sits tight], ''Sydney Morning Herald''</ref> After the death of Jong-il on December 17, 2011, Jong-un was publicly declared the "Great Successor" and continued his father's tradition of having [http://kimjongunlookingatthings.tumblr.com/ pictures taken of him looking at things.] Allegedly, Jong-un was privately declared successor in 1992 at age eight.<ref name=aunt/>

==Schrödinger's Kim?==
In April 2020, there were many conflicting reports about his health. He missed the biggest North Korean holiday, Kim Il-Sung's birthday, on April 15.<ref name=nytimes-rumors>{{cite web|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/26/world/asia/kim-jong-un-absence-north-korea.html|title=Kim Jong-un’s Absence and North Korea’s Silence Keep Rumor Mill Churning|date=April 26, 2020}}</ref> CNN reported that he had a bad cardiovascular surgery, leading to him being in "grave danger".<ref name=cnn-surgery>{{cite web|url=https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/20/politics/kim-jong-un-north-korea/index.html|date=April 20, 2020|title=US monitoring intelligence that North Korean leader is in grave danger after surgery}}</ref> Different sources say that he is dead,<ref name=nypost-rumors>{{cite web|url=https://nypost.com/2020/04/25/north-korean-dictator-kim-jong-un-rumored-to-be-dead/|date=April 25, 2020|title=North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un rumored to be dead, brain-dead or just fine}}</ref> not dead,<ref name=nypost-rumors /> or just trying to avoid the 'rona.<ref name=south-korean-intel>{{cite web|url=https://www.reuters.com/article/us-northkorea-kim-idUSKCN22A0NZ|date=April 27, 2020|title=South Korea minister, U.S. sources, say Kim may be sheltering from virus}}</ref> He is a lot like [[Schrödinger's cat]].

==Feverish rule==
Kim Jong-un shows signs of following in his father's and grandfather's [[Personality cult|footsteps]],<ref group=note>So far, he is shaping up to be even worse than his father and his grandfather.</ref> claiming that he invented [[gravity]] {{fact}} (thus leading one to wonder exactly how people stayed on the ground before he was born unless Kim Jong-il and [[Kim Il-sung]] just used their [[Bullshit|divine power]] to keep people earthbound for the last few thousand years, of course), has invented a [[miracle cure]] for [[AIDS]], [[cancer]], and [[Ebola]], does not eliminate waste from his body<ref>[https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/kim-jong-not-poo-pee-17090447 'Kim Jong-un doesn’t poo': Crazy facts all North Korea MUST believe – or else.] ''Daily Star.''</ref> (one has to wonder what becomes of all the country’s food after he eats it), learned to drive when he was three, and won a yacht race when he was nine. Oh, and he actually thought that Dennis Rodman was [[Barack Obama]]. This is pretty much the extent of what is known about him, and it's entirely plausible that this is also the extent of the [[CIA]]'s file on him.

Following the death of the second Kim, he managed to forestall the [[chaos]] that some expected to happen — and by "chaos", we mean internal collapse, not the [[Armageddon]] that he will face from the [[USA]], [[South Korea]], [[Japan]], and even [[China]] if he continues with his [[Nuke|nuclear]] dick-waving. That said, there have been reports that his ascent to power triggered infighting inside the North Korean Army;<ref>[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/northkorea/9981866/North-Korean-army-split-over-Kim-Jong-un.html North Korean army 'split' over Kim Jong-un], ''[[The Daily Telegraph]]''</ref> this culminated in the public execution of Jang Song Taek, his Number Two and uncle, in late 2013,<ref>
[http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2013/12/13/and_then_there_were_two_kim_jong_ils_dwindling_inner_circle#sthash.CXD2V5ye.dpuf And Then There Were Two...Kim Jong Il's Dwindling Inner Circle], ''Foreign Policy''</ref> along with most of Jang's family.<ref>[http://www.thewire.com/global/2014/01/kim-jong-un-might-have-executed-his-uncles-entire-family/357396/ Kim Jong-un Might Have Executed His Uncle's Entire Family], ''The Atlantic''</ref><ref>[http://blogs.wsj.com/korearealtime/2013/12/13/what-north-korea-said-about-jang-song-thaek/ What North Korea Said About Jang Song Thaek], ''Wall Street Journal''</ref>

A few months later, Kim replaced his next Number Two, Choe Ryong-hae, in a process occurring at a rate that started to get interesting.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/03/world/asia/korean-official-loses-a-post.html In Latest Government Shuffle, North Korean Leader Removes No. 2 Official From Top Posts], ''[[The New York Times]]''</ref> Or, rather, terrifying.<ref>[http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2014-12-17/kim-jong-un-remembers-his-father "By almost every measure, the last three years have been more volatile, more unpredictable, potentially more dangerous, more irresponsible than the time of his father."]</ref>

In 2016, he apparently had a senior [[education]] minister executed with an anti-aircraft gun for falling asleep during a meeting – an action that was claimed to constitute an insult but, in [[reality]], just provided an excuse to keep purging the "old-guard" so they can be replaced with Kim's own sycophants.<ref>{{cite web|title = Kim Jong Un has North Korean officials killed by anti-aircraft gun, paper says|url = https://www.chicagotribune.com/nation-world/ct-north-korea-anti-aircraft-gun-execution-20160830-story.html|work = Chicago Tribune|date = August 30, 2016}}</ref>

==Assassination rumours, health problems, etc.==
In February 2012, reports spread that the Chinese [[Internet]] was "alight" with gossip that a "team of ninja assassins" had assassinated Kim in Beijing.<ref>[http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/02/10/kim-jong-un-assassination-rumours-flood-twitter-weibo/ Kim Jong-un assassination rumours flood Twitter, Weibo], ''National Post''</ref><!-- Quotes not in referenced source --> The North Korean government did not comment on this, and, given the track record of the Internet rumor mill at correctly reporting people's deaths, it was obviously not true either way.

Speculation flared up again in September 2014 when [[North Korea]]n state media uncharacteristically presented Kim walking with a limp and experiencing "discomfort"; after a week-long absence (like the ones Kim Jong-il took in his later years), he began using a cane in public.<ref>[http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/north-korean-media-report-that-kim-jong-un-is-back/2014/10/13/b3545c63-0d8e-4edf-b9f5-06321d3da037_story.html North Korea's Kim Jong Un back at work — but with a cane], like a fat Emperor Palpatine. ''[[The Washington Post]]''</ref> While it is still unlikely that he might kick the bucket in the near future, the scenario is now rattling policymakers because the regime would have no clear successor.<ref>[http://blogs.cfr.org/asia/2014/10/11/kim-jong-uns-absence-who-should-be-worried/ Kim Jong-un’s Absence: Who Should Be Worried?], Council on Foreign Relations</ref> Stay tuned.

Seth Rogen and James Franco released an action-comedy in December 2014 called ''{{wpl|The Interview}}'' about two [[journalist]]s who plan to assassinate Kim. The North Korean government initially declared this "an act of war" and petitioned the [[White House]] to stop the release of the movie.<ref>[http://www.avclub.com/article/north-korea-declares-seth-rogen-and-james-franco-m-206212 North Korea declares Seth Rogen and James Franco movie an act of war], ''AV Club''</ref> No, it didn't end there: [[hacking|hackers]] associated with the [[DPRK]] then engaged in a massive [[cyberwarfare|cyberattack]] on Sony Pictures in an attempt to cancel the screening of the film, providing the basis of one of the biggest manifestations of the [[Streisand effect]] yet.<ref>[http://www.gizmodo.co.uk/2014/12/the-streisand-effect-and-why-we-all-now-want-to-see-the-interview/ Why We All Now Want to See 'The Interview': A Recap], Gizmodo</ref>

==External links==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9xD4D-Qdg4 Inside Kim Jong-un's head.]
*[http://www.cnet.com/news/kim-jung-un-gets-down-in-viral-video-north-korea-gets-fumed/ Kim Jong-un busts a move!]
*[http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/12/03/368254657/one-jong-un-to-rule-them-all-n-koreans-banned-from-using-leaders-name All the Kim Jong Puns.]

==See also==
*[[Kim Jong-il]] - his father
*[[Kim Il-sung]] - his grandfather
*[[Juche]] - his ideology and cult following

==Notes==
{{reflist|group=note}}

==References==
{{reflist|2|90%}}

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