Rod Blagojevich

[[File:Blagojevich greeting students at Ill State U. in 2006 .jpg|thumb|right|165px|As far as mad science can tell, the "forehead" is actually a slight bald patch in the sea of eyebrow.]]{{uspolitics}}{{cquote|[[Irony|I'll do anything, legal and ethical and honest.]]|||Blagojevich<ref>[http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1805/31/ebo.01.html Erin Burnett, Outfront: Transcript] (May 31, 2018) ''CNN''</ref>}}
'''Rod "Milorad" Blagojevich'''<ref>[http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/news_columnists_ezorn/2010/08/milorad.html So it's 'Milorad' is it?] by Eric Zorn (August 03, 2010) ''Chicago Tribune''. Remarkably, he has no legal middle name. It's simply "Rod".</ref> (pronounced Blah-'''goyyyy'''a-vich<ref group=note>As pointed out during his unfortunately successful campaign for governor. Even he knows there's no way to know how to pronounce his last name without being told how, and [[Jon Stewart]] has mocked it [http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-september-24-2009/intro---jon-pronounces-blagojevich nearly every time he's had the chance.]</ref>) {{lived|1956}} nicknamed '''Blago''' is a former [[Democratic Party|Democratic]] [[Illinois]] governor, raving madman, convicted felon, and eyebrow comb-over pioneer. His accomplishments include: importing millions of dollars' worth of foreign [[vaccine]]s (only the federal government can do this, and the vaccines had to be destroyed), shaking down a [[children]]'s hospital (Really?! A fucking ''children's hospital''?!), ending trick-or-treating at the Illinois Executive Mansion (which he never bothered to actually live in), and attempting to sell a [[Barack Obama|vacated Senate seat]] to the highest bidder. The seat eventually was sold to Winnie-the-Pooh sound-alike Roland Burris, and Rod was awarded with over eight years in [[Pwned|jail]], until having his sentence commuted by [[Donald Trump]] in 2020.

==Governing style==
Not much of what he did could really be considered "governing" in any real sense of the word. During his tenure in office (over 6 years), he held only ''one'' meeting with other top Illinois officials, shortly after he was elected in 2002, and would regularly go months without seeing or even noticing his Lt. Governor (and future replacement), Pat Quinn.

Rod Blagojechgagaga often called for special sessions of the Illinois legislature (36 in total, more than any other Illinois governor), without bothering to attend any of them.

During his administration, the Illinois budget had a strange habit of massive shortfalls, which were usually pasted over by borrowing money, underpaying state pensions, and closing parks and historic sites. 

The most common explanation for this is that he sold the Illinois budget and the fraction of his soul that remained after creating several [[Harry Potter|Horcruxes]] to [[Satan]] in exchange for perpetually fluffy hair.

==Style... style==
The most distinctive feature of Blago's is his hair, or whatever the hell's on his head.  Some say it is his eyebrows, which have been grown long to cover his head. Yet others claim it was once a pet tarantula, and the two have simply fused to become a single organism. Whatever it is, it seems hellbent on world domination, or at the very least, to provide a nest for any children-eating [[bird]].

Whatever it is, he is ashamed that he must take care of it, having his guards hold his comb for him and only requesting it under the code name “football”.<ref group=note>This is well-known amongst the members of the Illinois State Police who had to work a shift as his guard.</ref>

==Writings==
In an effort to influence the jury pool, Blagojevich wrote a book of laughably immense proportions. In it, he maintains that he is completely 
incompetent
 innocent of any wrongdoings, and charges his political rivals, such as Governor Quinn and the Madigans, with a [[Shakespeare]]an conspiracy.<ref>Rod Blagojevich, ''The Governor''. Phoenix Books, 2009. {{isbn|1597776467}}.</ref> Attempting to add evidence, he compares himself to such savory and wholesome characters as King Lear and Richard II.

Reviews for Blagojevich's book are hard to find, as they are largely overshadowed by ''Golden: How Rod Blagojevich Talked Himself out of the Governor's Office and into Prison''. This book, written by a pair of ''Chicago Tribune'' reporters,  presents a somewhat alternative viewpoint to Blagojevich's screed.<ref>Jeff Coen and John Chase, ''Golden: How Rod Blagojevich Talked Himself out of the Governor's Office and into Prison''. Chicago Review Press, 2012. {{isbn| 1569763399}}.</ref>

==Where is he now?==
In the years since being imprisoned, Blagojevich and his wife Patricia have taken to advocating for criminal justice reform. Which is good. Unfortunately, they've taken to doing it in the [[Washington Examiner]]<ref>[https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/op-eds/rod-blagojevich-my-plea-for-prison-reform Rod Blagojevich: My plea for prison reform]</ref> and the [[Washington Times]],<ref>[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/dec/13/trickery-and-deceit-as-legal-tools/ Trickery and deceit as legal tools]</ref> which is less good. Upon Trump's election in 2016, Blagojevich took to begging the newly elected President for a pardon.<ref>[https://edition.cnn.com/2018/06/05/politics/blagojevich-clemency-donald-trump/index.html Ex-Gov. Blagojevich officially asks Trump to commute his prison sentence]</ref> Blagojevich endorsed Trump for President from prison in 2020, claiming that Trump is like [[Abraham Lincoln]].<ref>[https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/trump-impeachment-abraham-lincoln-rod-blagojevich/2020/01/01/id/948017/ Blagojevich: House Democrats Would Have Impeached Lincoln] by Rod Blagojevich (01 January 2020 02:07 PM) ''Newsmax''.</ref><ref>[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/01/02/trump-earns-key-endorsement-rod-blagojevich-d-prison/?utm_campaign=follow_dana_milbank&utm_medium=Email&utm_source=Newsletter&wpisrc=nl_danamilbank Trump must be thrilled to find someone as bad at history as he is] by Dana Milbank (Jan. 2, 2020 at 2:58 p.m. PST) ''The Washington Post''.</ref>

In February 2020, Trump commuted Blagojevich's sentence as part of a post-impeachment fury where he also pardoned several other convicted felons. Refering to the commutation, Trump stated that  that Blagojevich "seems like a very nice person."<ref>Kevin Liptak and Kaitlan Collins, [https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/18/politics/donald-trump-rod-blagojevich-commutation-sentence/index.html Trump commutes Blagojevich's sentence and grants clemency to 10 others]. [[CNN]], 19 February 2020.</ref>  Blagojevich immediately went on the talk show circuit. In a contentious interview with Anderson Cooper on CNN, he made many outrageous claims, including that he was a "political prisoner."<ref>Paul LeBlanc, [https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/21/politics/rod-blagojevich-political-prisoner-cnntv/index.html Anderson Cooper challenges Blagojevich claims in heated interview]. CNN, 21 February 2020.</ref> In 2025, he was officially pardoned by Trump.<ref>[https://www.npr.org/2025/02/10/g-s1-47817/trump-pardon-rod-blagojevich-illinois-corruption Trump pardons disgraced former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich], ''NPR'' 10 February 2025</ref>

==Notes==
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==References==
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Categories: Authors, Chickenhawks, Convicted felons, Criminals, Former United States Governors, Former United States Representatives, Lawyers, Leftists who turned right with age, Living people, Political pundits, Radio, Right-wing activists, Shysters, United States politicians