Copromancy

[[File:Bristol stool scale.png|thumb|right|165px|Bristol Stool Scale]]
{{altmed}}
{{hatnote|1=Not to be confused with [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEdOqYEwcT8 the wizardly art of (re)animating shit].}}
'''Copromancy''' is the art of prognostication based on examining feces. Copromancy has a long history, and is part of [[traditional Chinese medicine]]<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20061017073107/http://www.shen-nong.com/eng/lifestyles/tcmrole_urine_exam_stool.html Shen Nong: Examine Your Stool]</ref> and [[Ayurveda]].<ref name=ayurveda>[https://web.archive.org/web/20140831023825/http://www.chopra.com/ccl/what-does-your-poop-say-about-you What Does Your Poop Say About You?] The Chopra Center</ref> These practices should not be confused with the Bristol Stool Scale (used in mainstream healthcare to evaluate constipation, normal stool or diarrhea<Ref>https://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/poop-chart-bristol-stool-scale</ref>) nor with [[Evidence-based medicine|evidence-based]] testing of stool samples (such as checking for [[parasite]]s, analyzing pancreatic functioning, or to look for malabsorption of nutrients<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20070223071645/http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/Stool-Analysis What Is a Stool Culture?] reviewed by Carol DerSarkissian (May 10, 2021) ''WebMd''.</ref>).

==Stalinist stool==
According to former Soviet agent Igor Atamanenko, [[Joseph Stalin]] set up a special department of the [[secret police]] that sought to obtain and analyze feces samples to make [[psychological]] portraits.<ref name=stalin>[http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-35427926 Stalin 'used secret laboratory to analyse Mao's excrement'] by Steven Rosenberg (28 January 2016) ''BBC News''.</ref> [[Lavrentiy Beria]] was allegedly in charge of the department. Atamanenko claimed that the department analyzed [[Mao Zedong]]'s poo.<ref name=stalin/> High levels of tryptophan allegedly indicated that a "person was calm and approachable", whereas low levels of potassium indicated a nervous disposition and insomnia.<ref name=stalin/>

==Raymond Moody doody==
{{wpl|Raymond Moody}} advocated woo-based copromancy <ref name=moody>''Coprology: The Art and Science of Character Analysis, Prognostication, and Healing through the Reading or Manipulation of Stools'' by Raymond A. Moody (1972). self-published, 56 pp.</ref> before he shifted gears to popularize the [[near-death experience]] phenomenon<ref name=life>''Life After Life'' by Raymond A. Moody, Jr. (1975) Mockingbird Books. ISBN 0553122207.</ref> and before he obtained a medical degree. 

Moody claimed to be scientific:<ref name=moody/>
{{cquote|Without in any way disparaging [[Tasseography | tea-leaf reading]], [[astrology]], [[palmistry]], [[phrenology]], or any of the [[Bullshit |other similar techniques]], we can say with certainty that coprology &mdash; with its modern scientific methods of research, controlled experiments, and computer analysis &mdash; is able to obtain much more accurate [[divination | predictions]] of future [[life]] trends than any other known method.}}

However, Moody then launched into a very unscientific and unsubstantiated methodology of feces analysis based on:<ref name=moody/>
* shape ("Curve or Priscilla", "Spiral of Raymondus", "Tetterton's Spheroids"…), internal structure, color, hardness, and configuration predicting one's character
* configuration, acidity, and moisture content predicting one's future
* nodes, fissures, and micro-organisms predicting one's health

Yes, stool micro-organisms can predict health, but Moody could not have detected the microbial diseases he claimed based on hand-drawn squiggle-like fissure variations that he described.<ref name=moody/> The book reads like it could be one long [[Poe's Law| prank]] &mdash; ''except'' &mdash; Moody went on to more [[quackery]] by promoting near-death experiences,<ref name=life/> and ''except'' for the other celebrity poo-readers (Gillian McKeith and [[Deepak Chopra]]).<ref name=ayurveda/><ref name=unreality/> At the time of publication, Moody claimed to be the discoverer of coprology and to hold "Bachelor of Arts, Master of the Arts, Doctor of Philosophy, Doctor of Racial Science, and Doctor of Coprology degrees, and [to have] been a professor of logic and [[metaphysics]]". Moody also claimed to be the president of the International Coprological Society and the "Oberleiter of the American Militant Action Party".<ref name=moody/>

==Awful poo lady==
The most famous of all modern copromancers however would seem to be The Awful Poo Lady, self-proclaimed nutrition expert [[Gillian McKeith]], who brought copromancy to prime-time television.<ref name=unreality>[https://web.archive.org/web/20160130084638/http://www.unrealitytv.co.uk/celebrity-big-brother/turd-whisperer-gillian-mckeith-really-made-celebrity-big-brother-s-show/ Turd whisperer Gillian McKeith really has made Celebrity Big Brother a s*** show…] by Lynn Connolly (29<sup>th</sup> January 2016) Unreality TV.</ref>

==Obligatory pun==
As you can see, the concept is a load of crap. There, we said it.

==See also==
*[[Waste analysis]]
*[[Feces therapy]]
*[[Phrenology]]
*[[Iridology]]
*[[Lipsology]]

==References==
{{reflist|2}}

[[Category:Alternative medicine]]
[[Category:Chinese medicine]]
[[Category:Medicine]]
[[Category:Pseudoscience]]
[[Category:Shit articles]]

Categories: Alternative medicine, Chinese medicine, Medicine, Pseudoscience, Shit articles