Penis enlargement

[[File:Penis Enlargement Sign in Johannesburg.jpg|thumb|right|165px|Looks legit!]]
{{pseudosciencenav}}
{{hatnote|Not to be confused with the [[Club for Growth]]}}

'''Penis enlargement''', [[euphemism|euphemistically]] referred to as '''"male enhancement"''', is a [[scam]] promoted by [[woo]]-meisters. Various techniques and devices are promoted for enlarging the [[penis]]. The trouble is, none of them work except for surgery (which isn't especially good either). 

==Penis pumps==
[[File:Water-based Penis Enlargement Pump.jpg|thumb|left|165px|A penis pump]]
Penis pumps are a [[sex toy]] and an erection aid and work for these purposes, and nothing more. They work by creating a vacuum to draw blood into the penis. They do not result in any permanent increase in penis size,<ref>[http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16536772 A vacuum device for penile elongation: fact or fiction?]</ref> and attempting to use them for this purpose, i.e. by applying for excessive periods of time or at excessive pressure, may result in injury to the penis. You have been warned. (Seriously, permanent damage such as {{wpl|Peyronie's disease}} can result. It's not worth it.)

==Creams and pills==
Really, don't bother. This is a common Internet [[spam]] [[scam]]. These products may contain a mixture of [[vitamin]]s, [[herb]]s, [[snake oil]], and [[bullshit|bovine fecal matter]].<ref>[http://www.mongabay.com/external/penis_enlargement_pills.htm Julia Angwin: Some Male 'Enlargement' Pills Contain a Variety of Impurities] &mdash; "I think it's safe to say it has heavy fecal contamination" &mdash; thus Penis Pills Provide Poop.</ref>

One such useless pill sold over the Internet, before the operation was shut down and the pills seized by [[Arizona]] regulators and U.S. Customs, was sold for $59.95 for a one month bottle and claimed to contain, "zinc, yohimbe, maca, catuaba, muira puama, oyster meat, L-arginine, oat straw, nettle leaf, cayenne, pumpkin seed, sarsaparilla, orchic substance, licorice root, astragalus, tribulus, boron, and [[ginseng]]".<ref>[http://www.quackwatch.org/02ConsumerProtection/AG/AZ/longitude.html Stephen Barrett: "Bogus Penis Enlargement Pills Seized; Defendants Forfeit Over $35 Million", Quackwatch.com]</ref>

==Hypnosis==
{{main|Hypnosis}}
Hypnosis is a heightened state of awareness and suggestibility. While hypnosis in itself is almost universally agreed to exist, any claims that hypnosis can aid in [[healing]], [[smoking]] cessation, hair growth, penis enlargement, or anything else of that sort is [[bullshit|lacking in evidence]]. The heightened state of suggestibility may result in someone ''believing'' they have a larger penis, which does not mean they really do. This hasn't stopped [[New Age]]rs and Internet scamsters from pushing hypnotic penis enlargement.<ref>[http://www.hyptalk.com/formen.htm Hypnotic penis enlargement for a mere 99 dollars]</ref>

And no, [[hypnotic breast enlargement]] doesn't work, either. Sorry, ladies.

==Stretches and exercises==
Sometimes called "Jelqing". These are rather like penis pumps in that they may temporarily increase length, but the effect is not permanent and may result in injury if done to excess. Some of those promoting these techniques rely on assumptions that the penis is a muscle, which is not true. However, if there are animals with a {{wpl|Baculum|literal penis bone}}, it is conceivable that there could exist an animal with a penis muscle.

==Compensation==
[[File:Scarlet bandit 2.JPG|thumb|right|165px|My erection is bigger than yours!]]
If anyone ever feels like [[Fun:Erectile dysfunction|their penile size is insufficient]] and need to make themselves feel better, get a sport utility vehicle. A really ''big'' SUV. Or a giant pickup. Or a really, really gas-guzzling sports car. Or a 'souped up and noisy' motorbike.

Alternately, own lots of [[Gun nut|long, hard, manly]] [[Fun:Weapon of gun|guns]].

[[Donald Trump|Or erect some really huge buildings]] or {{wpl|Pipe organ|musical instruments|.}}

If you are sufficiently literate and considerate, get some books on techniques and how to charm people and follow through. (If you are insufficiently literate and inconsiderate, learn from [[pick-up artist]]s and/or become a [[MGTOW]]er.)

==Techniques that really work==
The simplest way to get a bigger member is with an ED drug like {{wpl|sildenafil}} (aka Viagra). While these drugs don’t make your dick ''grow'' in the sense of cell division and tissue enlargement, as vasodilators they help more blood flow into the penis, which gives it a greater volume when erect. The effect isn’t permanent, of course, but then it doesn’t need to be permanent, unless you’re looking to advertise your endowment somewhere like the fitness club showers (and unless you're [[gay]], why advertise to other men?). It also won’t engorge your dick beyond its upper limit in size, but plenty of men don’t reach their upper limit anyway.

By the same principle, any lifestyle habits that improve your cardiovascular health will help your boner. So get a good amount of aerobic exercise, limit your red meat intake, and don’t smoke. Some drugs, like [[amphetamines]], work as vasoconstrictors and as such can fuck up your boner, especially if you take them in recreational (read: dangerously high) doses.<ref>https://www.renalandurologynews.com/home/departments/mens-health-update/erectile-dysfunction/erectile-dysfunction-more-prevalent-in-illicit-users-of-amphetamine/</ref> In fact, anything you might do before sex that makes your dick work less well will make it ''de facto'' smaller, so don’t get too [[alcohol|drunk]] on any night that you’re hoping to score.

There are several surgical procedures to enlarge the penis, including surgical implants and skin grafts. These really do increase penis size, but as the Mayo Clinic's web page on penis enlargement products notes, "Surgery is typically reserved for men whose penis doesn't function normally because of a birth defect or injury." and "Although cosmetic penis enlargement is offered by some surgeons, it's controversial and considered by many to be unnecessary and potentially harmful."<ref>[http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/penis/MC00026/NSECTIONGROUP=2 Mayo Clinic: Penis-enlargement products: Do they work?]</ref> In other words, unless you have a serious birth defect or it doesn't work at all, there is no reason why you should be considering penis enlargement surgery.

One can gain a bit of length by having a surgeon cut the ligament that connects the penis to the pelvic bone. However, weights or stretching devices would have to be used daily to prevent the ligament from growing back, for about six months. On top of that, your soldier would no longer salute when hard &mdash; it's the ligament that pulls it up so it sticks straight out.  Even at that, this procedure only gives you length, not girth, which is what's more important to the ladies anyway.

It also helps to lose some weight (assuming you're overweight), as excess fat in the groin reduces the external length of the erect penis. Another tip is to live somewhere warm, or at least keep the bedroom warm when it'll be in use. Also, as mentioned above, this will have the double benefit of improving your circulation, and thus giving you fuller erections.

Stop watching '[[Pornography|that sort]] of movie' and comparing yourself with the illusions.

==See also==
*[[Hypnotic breast enlargement]]
*[[Fun:Erectile dysfunction]]

==External links==
* [http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/penis/MC00026 Mayo Clinic article]
* [http://men.webmd.com/guide/penis-enlargement-does-it-work WebMD article]
==References==
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[[Category:Machismo]]
[[Category:Scams]]
[[Category:Sexuality]]
[[Category:Woo]]

Categories: Machismo, Scams, Sexuality, Woo