Julia Gillard

[[File:Juliagillard-CROP.jpg|thumb|165px|Gillard was Australia's first prime minister to sport a whopping 2GB's of RAM.]]{{politics}}

'''Julia "Big Red"<ref>Jabour, Bridie, [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/jun/12/gillard-menu-sexist-liberal-dinner "Julia Gillard's 'small breasts' served up on Liberal party dinner menu"], ''[[The Guardian]]'' (6/11/13 at  10:18 EDT, last modified on 5/18/16 at 1:00 EDT). Stay classy. (The average factory worker probably laughed at it during lunch. Labor was doomed from the start.)</ref> 
Juliar
 Gillard''' {{lived|1961|}} was [[Australia]]'s first and only [[female]] Prime Minister* from 2010-13. Her birth certificate indicates she comes from [[Wales]], where she was born from at least one Australian parent, hence why she was allowed to be Prime Minister.  Most people tuned out as soon as she muttered "My fellow Australians..."  One of her successors is the London-bred [[Tony Abbott]]. We don't know either.

There was an element of [[Margaret Thatcher|Maggie]] about all this, 
owed to her ginger hair and accompanying lack of a soul
 but the difference was Thatcher really ''was'' a bitch; Gillard just comes across that way. Also, she didn't command anywhere near the same level of authority or infamy. A better example would be [[Hillary Clinton]]: When Jules speaks off the cuff, she is more charismatic, but her statements and answers are canned, so she presents as dry and uncaring. Good at getting stuff done, not so good at being popular.

==From back-bencher to bench-warmer==
A union lawyer-turned-shadow minister in the [[Australian Labor Party|Labor Party]], she was chosen to be Kevin Rudd's deputy when he served as PM, becoming the first female deputy leader in Australian politics.
=== June cou-oops ===
It all started in 2010. Consensus within the party seems to be that after K-Rudd worked his guts out and failed to pass the [[climate change]] plan he kinda lost his mojo. (They used to call him "Dr. Death", and for good reason.) The mining cartel rallied against him, even ran TV commercials. As Gillard's recognition grew, the more she criticized Rudd. Being an election year, Labor panicked and installed the (at the time) more popular Gillard. Rudd resigned hours before the election was supposed to happen, conceding the Premiership to her. She chose Rudd as Minister for Foreign Affairs, an apparent showing of good faith, but one that would lead to her downfall in retrospect. 
=== Carbon tax debacle ===
{{cquote|There will be no carbon tax under the government I lead}}
To curry favour for the ALP, she declared there would be no [[Carbon tax (Australia)|tax on carbon]]. Preferences with the Greens saved Labor come election time (just) but it still took the support of independents to retain power. Regardless, Gillard's support dropped steeply because she came across as heavily stage-managed. It's like someone in the Labor party was afraid of her being perceived as the next Thatcher so they did their best to tamp down any shred of intelligence she had. ''She should have been more populist and given [[Rupert Murdoch|Murdoch]] everything he wanted. You know, like [[Tony Abbott|Tony.]] And she should have been [[Sexism|less female]]. Again, just like Tony.''

Oh, and Gillard went back on her claim that there would be no carbon tax almost as soon as she was re-elected. Her integrity was on the line after knifing Rudd. The result was her image of being a pathological liar, political player and a cheat. Voters switched off to her.<ref>Massola, Jason, [http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/julia-gillard-on-the-moment-that-should-have-killed-tony-abbotts-career-20150622-ghug63.html "Julia Gillard on the moment that should have killed Tony Abbott's career"], SMH 6.23.15.  When Abbott gave a speech in front of a sign calling her "Ju-Liar: Bob Brown's Bitch" and saying they should "Ditch the Witch", Australia didn't object too strongly.</ref> Didn't matter what happened after, she was always going have a popularity ceiling.<ref group="note">In the short-lived (and forgettable) sitcom ''At Home With Julia'', Tim Mathieson has to drive the Gillard campaign van, which routinely comes back with crossbow bolts lodged in the side and eggs all over it. Other highlights: 1) The dog being named "Bill Shorten", 2) spitting the coffee out of a Kevin '07 mug because it's "too bitter", and 3) berating Tim because "the spending in this house is out of control!"</ref>

===Mutually assured destruction===
{{main|Prisoner's dilemma}}

Once he'd had enough of the character assassinations, Rudd resigned as MFA and challenged the Prime Minister in a leadership spill, citing Gillard's unwillingness to condemn the attacks. Gillard countered that Rudd was "chaotic and dysfunctional" and that he viewed the ballot process as "an episode of ''Celebrity Big Brother''". Gillard overwhelmingly defeated Rudd in the leadership ballot, by 71 votes to 31. In a vain attempt to end the feud, Rudd returned to the backbenches as promised and pledged his loyalty. His supporters didn't get the memo, though, so she launched a second leadership election. Rudd did not run, leaving Gillard as the only candidate on the leadership ballot.  It leaves a bad taste in the mouth that Australia's first female "Prime Minister" came to power in such a poor way. (*Just 'cause Gillard loves being a history maker, this also marked the first time an incumbent Labor leader was elected unopposed at a leadership ballot. Six others resigned following Rudd's departure.) 

Rudd slinked back to the bench once more, promising to never again challenge her leadershahahaha. He actually called a secret meeting with the press corps and told them, ''hey I'm going to destabilize the government and get my old job back - don't tell anyone.''<ref>Griffiths, Emma, [http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-06-23/kevin-rudd-all-but-confirms-he-was-behind-julia-gillard-leak/6564862 "The Killing Season: Kevin Rudd all but confirms he was behind leak that damaged Julia Gillard"], ABC (Updated 6/22/15, 6:40pm).</ref> Gillard again announced a third leadership spill, with Rudd predictably being her martyred opponent; both were committed to retiring from politics in the event of a loss.  Rudd's 'victory' was effectively a killing blow for the Labor party, and then the country once the [[Liberal Party of Australia|Liberals]] oozed into government.

Rudd/Gillard will always disagree as to who was the bigger ass. In truth, [[Psychological projection|they're both asses]], just to varying degrees.

==Born again, or just born yesterday?==
{{cquote|What I believe, what the Labor Party believes, is that marriage is between a man and a woman.|||Gillard, an unmarried childless atheist, in August 2010<ref>{{Cite web |url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7h15h6P370 |title=Julia Gillard on gay marriage |website=YouTube |date=August 2, 2010 |access-date=January 29, 2026}}</ref>}}
As an unmarried childless [[atheist]],<ref>[http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/06/29/2939879.htm Gillard Won't Play Religion Card] ''ABC'' (the Australian one)</ref> she spent her time as Prime Minister opposing [[same-sex marriage]] and expanding federal funding for [[Separation of church and state|religious chaplains in state schools]].<ref>[http://www.sbs.com.au/comedy/article/2015/08/27/gillard-bravely-backs-marriage-equality-now-her-opinion-doesnt-matter "Gillard Bravely Backs Marriage Equality Now Her Opinion Doesn’t Matter"], The Backburner (8/27/15 at 11:00 AM, updated 8/27/15 at 11:31 AM).</ref> Bravery like this doesn't come around every day, ladies and gentlemen.

The retail union SDA was the strongest voice against the plebiscite on gay marriage. Seeing as they are the largest union left in the ACTU, they were constantly whispering in Gillard's ear. Unfortunately, the former Secretary of the union was an Irish Catholic right-wing anti-everything nutjob.<ref>Royce Miller and Ben Schneiders, [http://www.smh.com.au/national/why-is-the-union-that-represents-supermarket-workers-stopping-gay-marriage-20150430-1mwl32.html "Why is the union that represents supermarket workers stopping gay marriage?"], SMH 5.2.15.</ref>  The fact that Gillard opposed same-sex marriage (with lesbian senator Penny Wong toeing the party line)<ref>[http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/gillard-remains-opposed-to-gay-marriage/story-fn59niix-1226351933662 "Gillard remains opposed to gay marriage"], ''Australian'' (5/10/12 at 11:59AM).</ref> shows just how powerful some of these lobby groups must be. 

She changed her stance in August 2015, but all this moral crusading is pretty rich.<ref>Hatch, Patrick, [http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/julia-gillard-changes-mind-to-support-samesex-marriage-20150826-gj8k24.html "Julia Gillard changes mind to support same-sex marriage"], SMH 8.26.15.</ref>

==Get them off me!==
Oh, and she was once chased off by Aboriginal protesters on Australia Day. No doubt they were planted there by Kevin Rudd!<ref>{{wpa|Australia Day 2012 protests}}</ref>

==Calling out misogyny==
In October 2012 Gillard rightfully called out [[Tony Abbott]] for his rampant sexism and misogyny, after Abbott accused her of supporting a sexist House Speaker, the Australian ''Macquarie Dictionary'' decided to update its definition of [[misogyny]] from "strictly meaning a hatred of women to also denote an entrenched prejudice against women."<ref>[http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/1702351/Misogyny-definition-to-change-Macquarie-Dictionary Aussie dictionary to redefine misogyny]</ref>

Then again, on the same day she made this speech [[Hypocrisy|Gillard's government cutting welfare benefits to single mothers]].<ref>{{Cite web |url=https://blogs.crikey.com.au/thestump/2012/10/10/pooping-gillards-party/ |title=Pooping Gillard's Party |website=Crikey |date=October 10, 2012 |access-date=January 29, 2026 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210402051752/https://blogs.crikey.com.au/thestump/2012/10/10/pooping-gillards-party/ |archive-date=April 2, 2021}}</ref> But hey first female PM amirite?

==The tinfoil to Thatcher's iron==
Because of her affiliation with a Fabian [[Socialist]] society in her youth, Gillard is regarded by right-wing [[conspiracy theory|conspiracy cranks]] as a secret [[Satanist]], working in tandem with the [[Illuminati]] to advance the [[New World Order]]'s agenda in Australia.<ref>Yes, to no surprise, [[Henry Makow]]. [http://www.henrymakow.com/new_aussie_pm_is_communist_les.html]</ref>

In 2011, Gillard appointed the environmentally-friendly [[Tim Flannery]] as chief of the Australian Climate Commission, an independent body aimed at increasing public awareness of [[climate change]], that was abolished by the Abbott Government in 2013.<ref>http://www.theage.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/abbott-shuts-down-climate-commission-20130919-2u185.html</ref> [[Libertarian]]s view this appointment with narrowed eyes, as greenies are known to [[Watermelon|rub shoulders]] with the NWO.

In 2013, a Royal Commission investigation was launched into 
<big>the super-secret Labor slush fund!</big>
 Gillard's past legal services and some accompanying office renovations.  Also, something to do with an ex-boyfriend...? Then they "[[Manufactroversy|extended]]" the Commission, wasting even more taxpayer money. This witchhunt is akin to "Whitewater", or "[[Benghazi]]" which you hear Americans constantly talk about.<ref>Cassidy, Barrie, [http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-11-30/cassidy-drowning-in-whitewater/4398882 "Is the Opposition drowning in Whitewater?"], The Drum (12/1/12, 1:51pm). Two scandals that most people don't really understand, don't really care about, and both happened decades before they supposedly became controversial.</ref>

==Epitaph==
{{cquote|I really believe this was an election that was lost by the government rather than one that was won by Tony Abbott.|||Bob Hawke, former Prime Minister<ref>[http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2013/09/08/tony-abbott-declares-australia-%E2%80%98open-business%E2%80%99 "Tony Abbott declares Australia ‘open for business’"], SBS (9/8/13 at 10:20am).</ref>}}

Disingenuous, cowardly leadership which lurched the country to the right and laid the groundwork for the Abbott ascension.<ref>[http://www.economist.com/news/asia/21582320-shadow-looming-election-falls-desperate-asylum-seekers-png-solution "The PNG Solution"], ''[[The Economist]]'' 7.27.13.  Rudd/Gillard gave him more legitimacy than an entire press gallery ever could.</ref><ref>Hall, Bianca, [http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/asylum-seekers-flown-back-to-sri-lanka-from-cocos-islands-20160506-gonsvx.html "Labor wants answers after asylum seekers flown back to Sri Lanka from Cocos Islands"], SMH 5.6.16. If Gillard hadn't sent them back to the Rajapaksa Regime without even processing their claims, she might have [https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2015/jun/18/julia-gillard-no-asylum-seeker-boats-were-paid-to-turn-back-when-i-was-pm a shred of credibility] when it comes to the safety of people seeking asylum.</ref> That said, she got more done as a female atheist in a hung parliament than Tony could do on his best day. That's pretty good given the stats.  She deserves to be remembered for her [[Balls|tenacity]] and political brutality.

As for the future? Promoting girls' education in the third world. (If you look at Gillard's record in government, almost her entire agenda seemed to be based around grabbing cash and stuffing it into education.) Also, tearing Rudd a new arsehole in her book and becoming a Sword of Damocles hanging over his head for as long as he's in politics.

==See also==
* [[Gordon Brown]] - If only he hadn't called that bigot a bigot. Oh, the injustice!<ref>[http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/gender-card-backfires-for-julia-gillard/story-fn59niix-1226601067210 "Gender card backfires for Julia Gillard"], ''The Australian'' (3/20/13 at 12:00AM).</ref>
* [[Malcolm Turnbull]] - Malcolm rolled Tony for the same reason Julie rolled Kevin: neither of them would listen to the party or negotiate, so nothing was done.  Yet, suddenly it's all kosher when Malcolm does it. Proving once again that anyone who votes LNP is a hypocrite.
* [[Third Way]] - The rivalry came down to clashes between ideology as much as it was poor leadership in the party. Kevin Rudd's ministry made effective use of [[Keynesian economics]]-style fiscal stimulus to minimise the GFC's impact on Australia. With the end of the mining boom looming, it feels like Australia is falling into an economic and cultural identity crisis. 
==External links==
* [http://www.sbs.com.au/comedy/article/2015/02/04/julia-gillard-rushed-hospital-after-overdosing-schadenfreude Julia Gillard Rushed To Hospital After Overdosing On Schadenfreude]
* [http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/apr/14/julia-gillard-on-game-of-thrones-series-five-enjoy-carefully 
Cersei
 Gillard: I 'enjoy' ''Game of Thrones''] - There's something unsettling about a politician liking that show.
* [http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/networks-reject-julia-gillard-telemovie-starring-rachel-griffiths-because-everyone-hates-the-former-pm-20150608-ghiq3h.html Networks reject Julia Gillard telemovie, because 'everyone hates' the former PM] - lol free to air networks. Put on another renovations show and keep hemorrhaging money, you dinosaurs. (''How about a show where you renovate WHILE cooking and losing weight!'')

===Videos===
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLdsfuDrg0M Julia Gillard sings "I Dreamed a Dream"] on [[YouTube]]

==Notes==
{{reflist|group=note}}

==References==
{{reflist}}
{{Down Under}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Gillard, Julia}}
[[Category:Australian politicians]]
[[Category:Social democrats]]
[[Category:Christian atheists]]
[[Category:Homophobes]]
[[Category:Government incompetence]]
[[Category:Living people]]

Categories: Australian politicians, Social democrats, Christian atheists, Homophobes, Government incompetence, Living people