Dan Brown

[[File:Dan Brown bookjacket cropped.jpg|thumb|right|165px|This man has more [[money]] than you will ever see.]]{{books|1}}
{{cquote|Dan Brown writes sentences like 'The famous man looked at the red cup.'|||Stewart Lee<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yUDh_IErT4 Talking Books]</ref>}}
'''Dan Brown''' {{lived|1964|}} is a very successful [[United States|American]] [[Author|writer]] of action/suspense novels, including  ''The Da Vinci Code'', ''Angels and Demons'', and ''The Lost Symbol''. His plot-lines usually involve fact, [[pseudoscience]], and [[pseudohistory]] mixed in such a way as to leave less aware readers totally confused.<ref>Tom Chivers, [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/booknews/6232148/The-Lost-Symbol-and-The-Da-Vinci-Code-author-Dan-Brown-50-factual-errors.html "The Lost Symbol and The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown: 50 factual errors"], ''[[Daily Telegraph|The Daily Telegraph]]'', 25 September 2009</ref> How far Mr. Brown himself believes these ideas is a matter for conjecture.<ref>[http://www.danbrown.com/wp-content/themes/danbrown/assets/db_dvc_book_excerpts.pdf "All descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate."]</ref> Dan Brown has been sued twice by Jack Dunn, who claims Brown copied his story and characters from ''The Vatican Boys'' (1997) into ''The Da Vinci Code'' (2003) and ''Angels & Demons'' (2000). Dunn claims that Dan Brown has no talent and has stolen his and that the Robert Langdon series of books and movies are "The Largest Literary and Movie Crime in History" (which is probably true).{{fact|joke}}

In a 2009 interview, Dan Brown described himself as a [[skeptic]] and that he "gravitated away from [[religion]]."<ref>[http://www.parade.com/news/2009/09/13-dan-brown-life-after-da-vinci-code.html Life After 'The Da Vinci Code']</ref>

==Robert Langdon series==
{{cquote|My dad told me this book was good! '''Everybody’s dad did'''! Did you know they made two ''Da Vinci Code'' movies? Well, they didn't. Because, guess what, they made fucking ''three''.|||[[John Oliver]]<ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX5IV9n223M "Apple. A-p-p-l-e. Fucking apple."]</ref>}}
Robert Langdon, the series' protagonist and Dan Brown's obvious self-insert character, is a world-renowned Harvard professor of history of [[art]] and "symbology", which isn't even a real thing.

Each novel follows almost one boring formula: some important guy dies from unnatural causes; Robert Langdon gets mixed up and, implicated in a conspiracy, has to go on the run looking for historical clues in an over-touristed city with a [[token]] female character who is always very beautiful and very smart ([[sexism|but never as smart as Langdon]]), while being chased by an unstoppable killer. Oh, and one of the "good guys" turns out to be a traitor with a hidden agenda. In the end, nothing is what it seems, and the explanation behind the whole thing is both "rational" and really stupid.

===''The Da Vinci Code''===
''The Da Vinci Code'' (literally ''The Of [the city of] Vinci Code''; da Vinci is not Leonardo's last name) tells the story of a [[conspiracy]] to hide the fact that [[Jesus]] was married to [[Mary Magdalene]] and had [[children]]. The novel also depicts the [[Knights Templar]] as [[Gnostic]]s who were in on the secret. The book uses footnotes to back up its outlandish claims even though they are [[bullshit]]. 

This book was also made into a bad movie by Sony Pictures, starring Tom Hanks. Why, Tom? 

====A mercifully short summary====
Jesus and Mary Magdalene [[Song of Solomon|got it on]], went to [[France]], and founded the Merovingian bloodline, the bloodline being considered the true [[Holy Grail]]. This conflicts with accepted [[Christian]] doctrine, and the equally realistic ''Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade'', or the rather more realistic [[Monty Python#Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)|''Monty Python and the Holy Grail'']]. Many centuries of secrecy followed. Along came the [[Priory of Sion]] and the Knights Templar, tasked with preserving the secret of the Grail. The [[Roman Catholic Church]], specifically [[Opus Dei]], were eager to preserve Christ's lifestyle as a [[gay|confirmed bachelor]], and thus the fun begins.
[[File:Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) - The Last Supper (1495-1498).jpg|thumb|Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) - The Last Supper (1495-1498]]
Some of those who should have been keeping the secret decided to leave odd little clues around, Leonardo Da Vinci's ''The Last Supper'' being an example of this. A curator at the Louvre was [[murder]]ed by a sinister [[albino]] monk,<ref group=note>An actual albino person explains the problems with this, including the symptoms of albinism, in detail [https://web.archive.org/web/20080828103750/http://www.7fluidoz.com/albinocode/tac.htm here] for the curious.</ref> but not before he managed to leave clues written in his own blood. From this follows lots of running around Europe, the sinister albino monk in hot pursuit, and finally a reading of Leonardo's secret message indicating that the Grail (Magdalene's remains) is buried beneath the [[pyramid]] in the Louvre. That's it. 

If you want more crazy pseudohistory, then watch ''National Treasure''. At least in that case, the author hasn't tried to sell it as being in any way factual.<ref group=note>Though a bunch of National Archives employees were [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ul-_ZWvXTs likely diagnosed with self-induced concussions] after they left the theatre.</ref>

====Impact====
The book was generally derided by critics<ref>Laura Miller, [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/02/22/books/the-last-word-the-da-vinci-con.html "The Da Vinci Con"], ''[[The New York Times]]'', 22 February 2004</ref> and the literate,<ref>[http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000844.html The Dan Brown Code], Language Log</ref> but this didn't prevent it from becoming the second-best selling book of 2004.<ref group=note>Then again, when was the last time an actually good book became a best-seller?</ref> [[Conspiracy theories]] sell — as do books with lots of implausible plot twists, plenty of action, and numerous exotic locations, all wrapped up in short and easy sentences. ''The Da Vinci Code'' became the book that simply could not be avoided, and in the same way that [[Born again|born again Christians]] feel the need to share their profound discovery with everyone, innocent dinner party participants could scarcely escape having Brown's "[[revelation]]s" shared with them.

The movie adaptation became the fifth highest grossing film of 2006, behind equally realistic ''Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'', ''Night at the Museum'', ''Cars'', and ''X-Men: The Last Stand''.<ref>[http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?page=main&id=davincicode.htm Box Office Mojo]</ref>  

The Catholic Church and Opus Dei were not overly impressed by Brown's book or the movie. The church urged a boycott, while Opus Dei asked that a disclaimer be added to the movie. As is often the case with religiously-motivated outrage, this probably just [[Streisand effect|encouraged people to see what all the fuss was about]].

In [[reality]], the Merovingians were some of the most ineffectual [[Monarchy|royalty]] in [[Europe]]an history. The [[French]] know the end of the dynasty as ''rois fainéants'' ("do-nothing kings"). The blood of Jesus Christ ''supposedly'' in their bloodstream did not prevent the kings from losing most of their power to their majordomos, until Charles Martel's son, Pepin the Short, claimed the throne himself and ousted the last Merovingian king of France, with claims of divine sanction, in fact.<ref>[http://www.microsofttranslator.com/bv.aspx?from=&to=en&a=http://daniel.sangoi.perso.neuf.fr/verdun/histoire/Rois_faineants.html Rois faineants]</ref>

====Sued for copyright infringement====
The background of ''The Da Vinci Code'' is borrowed from a book named ''[[Holy Blood, Holy Grail]]''. This book was sold as a non-fictional historical account of Christ's relationship with Magdalene and the subsequent cover-ups instituted by the Catholic Church. The authors sued Brown in 2006 for [[copyright]] infringement, but the case was decided against them. The judge ruled that history and theories are not protected by copyright law, regardless of their accuracy. He did also state, though, that Dan Brown had lied to the court in his testimony during the trial and that text from ''Holy Blood Holy Grail'' was copied.

In that same year, Jack Dunn, who is also from New England, sued Dan Brown, Random House, and Sony Pictures for copyright infringement in US Federal District Court, claiming that Dan Brown stole the entire structure and characters from his 1997 novel ''The Vatican Boys'' to create ''The Da Vinci Code''. The judge in the case, Michael Ponsor, ruled that 'there were no similarities' between the books and 'there are no laws protecting structure' and dismissed the lawsuit without a jury trial.<ref>[https://www.theguardian.com/media/2006/apr/07/pressandpublishing.danbrown Brown wins Da Vinci Code case]</ref> Just after he did this, Michael Ponsor made deals with a literary agent and publisher in New York City to publish his own novels, even though he had not written any yet. In 2010–2011, Jack Dunn sued Dan Brown and Simon & Schuster, claiming Dan Brown copied text from ''The Vatican Boys'' to create his main character Robert Langdon. The same judge's court threw out this case too without a jury trial. The next year, in 2013, Michael Ponsor published his first novel through the literary agent and publisher with ties to Random House. In late November 2021, Jack Dunn and his celebrity lawyer and co-author Jonathan Coad published ''The Da Vinci Fraud: The True Story of Dan Brown and The World's Greatest Literary Crime'' with Silvertail Publishers of London, claiming, amongst many other illegalities, that Dan Brown withheld evidence in the ''Holy Blood, Holy Grail'' trial, lied to the courts in the US actions in his submissions of evidence, and is one of the most successful conmen of all time.

Novelist Lewis Perdue also noted hundreds of similarities between ''The Da Vinci Code'' and two of his own thrillers, ''The Da Vinci Legacy'' (1983) and ''Daughter of God'' (1999). In 2003, he sued Brown and Random House for plagiarism, but lost. However, Perdue decided to ride the Da Vinci wave by publishing new editions of his novels.

===''Angels and Demons''===
''Angels and Demons'' is more or less a prequel to ''The Da Vinci Code''. In this book, the [[Illuminati]] have apparently placed antimatter (in a [[Miracle|miraculous]] annihilation-proof container) somewhere in the [[Vatican]], although it all turns out to be [[Hoax|a dumb prank]] in the end. Brown seems to have decided that [[scientific]] absurdities would be a good complement to conspiracy theories.

This was made into another movie starring Tom Hanks. It was ''marginally'' better than ''The Da Vinci Code'', largely because it didn't take itself too seriously and knew that the whole thing was a bit of a farce. In this respect, it was not like the book. Plus, the movie changed the story so that ''Angels and Demons'' was a sequel to ''The Da Vinci Code'', because apparently only [[Fun:Star Wars|George Lucas]] and Peter Jackson are allowed to make prequels.

====Plot summary====
Brown's character and a pretty girl search [[Rome]]'s most famous tourist destinations for clues to the location of a jar of antimatter stolen from [[CERN]] (by the Illuminati, of course) that will annihilate the Vatican in 24 hours when it explodes, while being chased by {{wpl|Order of Assassins|a literal Assassin|.}} [[:File:Stupidburn.jpg|Yeah.]]

====Scientific inaccuracy====
The book features the collection of extremely large amounts of antimatter, [[Handwave|portable containers]] that can hold it [[Ad hoc|without being annihilated]], and the main character's survival of a fall from a helicopter by using a [[Escape hatch|nine square-foot tarp as a parachute]]. However, the most absurd suggestion of the book by far is that two people could have a fight in the fountain in the Piazza Navona [[Willful ignorance|without anyone noticing]].

===''The Lost Symbol''===
While it contains the usual level of pseudohistory which readers have come to expect, in this novel Mr. Brown goes somewhat off the deep end with the pseudoscience — especially with its enthusiastic promotion of [[Noetic science]], although Brown's self-insert manages to ''debunk'' crap like the [[Washington, D.C. street design conspiracy theory]].

The novel got a belated screen adaptation in the form of a mediocre TV series (pompously titled ''Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol''), starring Ashley Zukerman as a younger, pre-''Da Vinci Code'' Robert Langdon. It was canceled after one season.

====Plot summary====
Dan Brown's hero has to race around a capital city solving strange enigmas while being pursued by a homicidal maniac and showing how clever he is to a pretty girl — so it's really the same as the last two.<ref group=note>Well, if you're a Christian and learn the true identity of the love interest in ''The Da Vinci Code'', it's… kinda creepy.</ref> The only change in this one is that the [[Masons]] are really really Good Guys, and the [[CIA]] is responsible for security in [[Washington]].

====Anthropological usefulness====
If a conspiracy theory is even alluded to in this book, then it has conclusively jumped the shark.

===''Inferno''===
It's just plain fucking awful.<ref>[http://www.themillions.com/2014/01/dumbest-thing-ever-scribbling-in-the-margins-of-dan-browns-inferno.html “Dumbest Thing Ever”: Scribbling in the Margins of Dan Brown’s Inferno]</ref>

====Plot summary====
A [[mad scientist]] obsessed with [[overpopulation]], ''[[The Divine Comedy]]'', and [[transhumanism]] kills himself, setting off a convoluted chain of events in which the protagonist and a hot girl must run around Florence solving puzzles while being chased by a killer, yadda yadda yadda. It was also adapted into a Tom Hanks movie.<ref group=note>It's anyone's guess why they decided to skip ''The Lost Symbol'', [[conspiracy theory|a book dealing with Freemasonry and set in Washington]]. Probably because ''National Treasure'' was more entertaining.</ref>

===''Origin''===
Another dumb pseudo-intellectual mess, which deals with the [[origin of life]] (spoiler: it's [[physics]]) and the conflict between [[science and religion]]. Brown set the novel in [[Spain]], perhaps as an apology for inaccurately painting the country as a corrupt, impoverished dump in ''Digital Fortress''.

====Plot summary====
After the assassination at the {{wpl|Guggenheim Museum Bilbao}} of a brilliant [[Elon Musk]]-[[Steve Jobs]] hybrid that supposedly discovers the secret of where and how life started, the protagonist and a pretty girl (who also happens to be the love interest of the Crown Prince of Spain, because of course she is) run around avoiding a hitman and searching for mystical clues for the fifth fucking time. There is also [[artificial intelligence|a talking supercomputer]]. And the King of Spain and a Catholic Bishop are secretly [[gay]] lovers. And apparently the people who run conspiracy theory forums have [[journalism|journalistic]] integrity.

==Other novels==
===''Digital Fortress''===
Brown's first attempt at writing a techno-thriller is more of the same. Most notably ''a lot'' of fails in what refers to Spain (cranberry juice being very popular there when said plant in Spain grows in the wild only in very localized zones, and a drink attributed to the Spaniards is {{wpl|Cape_Codder_(cocktail)|cranberry juice with vodka}}<ref>[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CreatorsCultureCarryover Scroll down to Literature]</ref>) and especially the city of {{wpl|Seville||,}} that for him is as the country itself basically a third-world hellhole with a very poor healthcare system.<ref>[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/DigitalFortress Have fun (Scroll down to "Spexico")]</ref> 

Written in 1998, the book is unerringly in favor of the [[NSA]]. One of the main villains is an ex-NSA employee who became disgruntled over the agency's intrusion on privacy, and the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a group that spoke out against various NSA initiatives in real life, are portrayed as a swarm of evil hackers who are one point compared to sharks. There's a part where an NSA cryptographer mocks the then recent controversy over the {{wpl|Clipper chip}} and claims that, contrary to critics, the NSA's mass surveillance program ''has'' prevented a few terrorist incidents, but the government inexplicably wants to keep such successes secret.

===''Deception Point''===
Inspired by the {{wpl|Allan Hills 84001|ALH84001}} fiasco, Brown's last book outside the Robert Langdon series (despite following the same formula) deals with a dumb and convoluted political conspiracy behind the discovery of a meteorite that supposedly contains proof of [[extraterrestrial life]]. It makes ''[[The X-Files]]'' look like ''Cosmos'' in terms of realism and scientific accuracy.

==Postscript: Mountains of dreck==
An Oxfam bookshop in Swansea, [[Wales]] pleaded for people to stop donating copies of ''The Da Vinci Code'' because no one wanted to buy them anymore. The shop teamed up with artist David Shrigley to create a "Pulped Fiction" limited edition of [[George Orwell]]'s ''[[1984]]'' from pulped copies of ''The Da Vinci Code'' because ''1984'' is always in demand.<ref>[https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2023/oct/26/david-shrigley-turns-da-vinci-code-novels-nineteen-eighty-four David Shrigley turns 6,000 The Da Vinci Code novels into Nineteen Eighty-Four: Artist creates new edition of Orwell classic after Swansea charity shop had its fill of Dan Brown bestseller] by Mark Brown (26 Oct 2023 07.21 EDT) ''[[The Guardian]]''.</ref>

==Bibliography==
*''Digital Fortress'' (1998) [[Special:Booksources/9780552173551|ISBN 9780552173551]]
*''Angels and Demons'' (2000) [[Special:Booksources/9781416524793|ISBN 9781416524793)]]
*''Deception Point'' (2001) [[Special:Booksources/9780552169967|ISBN 9780552169967]]
*''The Da Vinci Code'' (2003) [[Special:Booksources/9780552149518|ISBN 9780552149518]]
*''The Lost Symbol'' (2009) [[Special:Booksources/9780552149525|ISBN 9780552149525]]
*''Inferno'' (2013) [[Special:Booksources/978-0-385-53785-8|ISBN 978-0-385-53785-8]]
*''Origin'' (2017) [[Special:Booksources/9780593078754|ISBN 9780593078754]]

==External links==
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20161012121320/http://www.debunkingdavinci.com/ Debunking ''Da Vinci'' (archived)]
*[http://www.sonypictures.com/homevideo/thedavincicode/ The official website of the movie for ''The Da Vinci Code'']
*[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FalselyAdvertisedAccuracy The "Falsely Advertised Accuracy" article] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201110235554/https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DanBrowned formerly "Dan Browned"]) on [[TV Tropes]]
**[http://web.archive.org/web/20201112035221/https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/DanBrowned/DanBrown The "Dan Brown" section of the "Dan Browned" article (archived)] on [[TV Tropes]]

==Notes==
{{reflist|group=note}}

==References==
{{reflist|2}}

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Categories: Authors, Atheists, Pseudohistory promoters, Conspiracy theorists, Pseudoscience promoters, Shysters, Living people, Unified conspiracy theory