Cassandra affective deprivation disorder

[[File:Cassandra1.jpeg|right|thumb|right|165px|A painting of Cassandra from Greek myth]]
{{pseudosciencenav}}
'''Cassandra affective deprivation disorder''', sometimes referred to as "Affective deprivation disorder" or "Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome"<ref>[https://archive.is/3jRW6 Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome/Cassandra Phenomenon (OTRS/CP)]. Archived from faaas.org, 1 April 2017.</ref><ref>[https://www.theneurotypical.com/otrs-the-burden-on-nt-spouses-and-partners.html OTRS: The burden on spouses and children]. theneurotypical.com, 17 June 2013.</ref> and abbreviated as CADD, AfDD, or OTRS, is a 
fictional
 currently unproven<ref>[https://autisticadvocacy.org/2009/06/asans-response-to-dr-tony-attwood/ ASAN’s Response to Dr. Tony Attwood]</ref> disorder that is supposed to be caused by the "horrible nightmare" of having an [[autism|autistic]] spouse. It is not recognized in the [[Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders]]. Because why admit that you might have a role in your own marital problems when you can just [[Ableism|blame it on your spouse's disability]]?

Anti-autism groups such as [[Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger’s Syndrome]],<ref>[http://www.faaas.org/ Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome]</ref> a group that encourages judges to discriminate against autistic parents in custody cases, have eagerly embraced the idea of this disorder.<ref>[https://autisticbfh.blogspot.com/2008/09/maxine-astons-cassandra-disorder-scam.html Maxine Aston's Cassandra Disorder Scam]</ref>

While earlier writings solely blamed autistic people for the disorder's existence, people with {{wpl|alexithymia}} (a personality trait involving difficulty understanding emotions) are now beginning to be blamed too.

==Origins==
[[Marriage]] counselor Maxine Aston invented the term after talking with wives who complained of having emotionally distant husbands. She later wrote a paper on her disorder, which cited websites and "[[Bullshit|common knowledge]]" instead of [[peer-reviewed]] [[evidence]].<ref>[https://markforeman.wordpress.com/2011/07/13/cassandra-affective-deprivation-disorder/ Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder] - Mark Foreman's Blog</ref>

== How it supposedly works ==
=== Cause and symptoms ===
According to Aston, autistic or alexithymic people are just so unloving and unempathetic that it makes their spouses go [[Insanity|crazy]]. (Never mind that many autistic people are shown to have plenty of affective empathy.<ref>[https://the-art-of-autism.com/autistic-people-empathy-whats-the-real-story/ Autistic People & Empathy: What’s The Real Story?]</ref><ref>[https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-with-autism-can-read-emotions-feel-empathy1/ People with Autism Can Read Emotions, Feel Empathy]</ref><ref>[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-the-darkness/201705/is-autism-really-empathy-disorder Is Autism Really an "Empathy Disorder"?]</ref>)

Symptoms of CADD are claimed to include depression, sleeplessness, and maybe [[cancer]].<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20191028200512/http://autismnaturalvariation.blogspot.com/2009/04/maxine-aston-and-cadd-different-level.html Maxine Aston and CADD — A Different Level of Crankery]</ref> Most of them sound exactly like seasonal affective disorder.

==Criticism==
The scientific community has largely ignored CADD due to lack of proof, and [[Autism rights movement|autistic advocates]] have spoken up about its unfairness.

If an autistic or alexithymic adult tries to defend themselves or disprove CADD, they can be told that they simply [[Circular reasoning|don't have enough empathy]] to understand how much their lack of empathy is making their spouse suffer.<ref group=note>It's like CADD proponents heard of the [[Dunning-Kruger effect]] and immediately latched on to it as a vehicle for ableistic nonsense (while completely failing to realize that they themselves are far better examples of the Dunning-Kruger effect).</ref>

It would also be reasonable to point out that many (though [[domestic violence|not all]]) marital problems aren't just the fault of one spouse. For example, if someone feels that their partner is not affectionate enough, they can just ask their partner to be more affectionate or say that they would like to be closer. Passive-aggressively self-diagnosing a disorder isn't how mature adults typically behave.

==Impact==
Claiming CADD could be a way to alienate and blame an autistic spouse if a marriage is struggling. This could further ostracize an autistic adult who may already be stressed (and potentially very confused)<ref group="note">Many autistic people do not pick up on hints or other forms of indirect communication. This means that you might have to be assertive enough to say "I feel sad because X."</ref> about the aforementioned relationship problems.

The myth of CADD could also hurt the self-esteem of autistic people, particularly those who are or want to be in serious relationships. One autistic woman wrote about CADD and described staying with an [[Domestic violence|abusive husband]] because he used her autistic traits to blame and manipulate her.<ref>[https://autisticadvocacy.org/2009/05/cassandras-impact-on-autistic-victims-of-domestic-violence/ Cassandra’s Impact on Autistic Victims of Domestic Violence]</ref> Considering that autistic people are at increased risk of abuse as-is,<ref>[http://www.dsq-sds.org/article/view/1058/1228 Sexual Abuse of Children with Autism: Factors that Increase Risk and Interfere with Recognition of Abuse]</ref><ref>[https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/girls-autism-high-risk-sexual-abuse-large-study-says/ Girls with autism at high risk of sexual abuse, large study says]</ref><ref>[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4784091/ Association of autistic traits in adulthood with childhood abuse, interpersonal victimization, and posttraumatic stress]</ref> the last thing they need is for the abusers to be given more tools to use against them.

==Reality==
Autistic and alexithymic people are capable of having healthy relationships. Neurotypical people are capable of having unhealthy relationships. The structure of someone's brain doesn't pre-determine relationship success.

Relationships struggle because of identifiable issues like different expectations about what the relationship should entail, lack of one-on-one time with each other, difficulty communicating, outside stressors like financial issues or a relative's illness, differences in boundaries, and other potential problems. A heart-to-heart discussion or couple's counseling may be able to help produce solutions for issues that are straining a relationship.

Relationships can be difficult sometimes, and this can make one or both partners unhappy. In cases like these, the healthy options are usually to:
* Do the work to identify the issue, talk to your partner about how you feel, and see if you can work together on solving it.
* Realize that the two of you are too different and decide to break up.

Notice that "resent your oblivious partner and tell everyone that they are an inherently unloving and unlovable monster" is not on the list. It's definitely easier, but it's not exactly kind.

Of course, there is such a thing as a traumatic relationship, and it's more frequently known as [[domestic violence|abuse]]. Abuse involves behavior like name-calling, belittling, threats, isolating, micromanaging, terrorizing, and/or violence. An abuser is capable of behaving non-abusively, but they choose to mistreat their partner. Since abusers rarely want to change, the victim's safest bet is to reach out to others and see if they can leave the relationship.{{efn|Though this can be difficult and complicated. Contact a hotline if you or someone you know is or could be in danger.}}

==See also==
* [[Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger’s Syndrome]]
* [[Ableism]]
* [[Persecution complex]]
* [[Circular reasoning]]
* [[DARVO]] 
* [[Gaslighting]] 

==Notes==
{{reflist|group="note"}}

==References==
{{reflist|2|80%}}

[[Category:Autism woo]]
[[Category:Ableism]]
[[Category:Mental health woo]]
[[Category:Pseudoscience]]
[[Category:Reverse discrimination]]

Categories: Autism woo, Ableism, Mental health woo, Pseudoscience, Reverse discrimination