Noah

[[File:NoahsSacrifice.JPG|right|thumb|165px|Is it time for me to get drunk yet?]]{{Global flood}}
{{cquote|EVERYBODY'S UP FOR A NOAH PARTY<BR>NOAH'S IN THE HOUSE AND LET IT - "HEY!" - GO!<BR>LET ME HEAR YA GO IN A NOAH PARTY<BR>GONNA SAY NOAH AND I'MA SAY NO TO THIS<BR>MONEY KID (?) MOM TOLD YA SAY NO TO DRUGS<BR>SHE ALSO MEANT SAY NO TO THIS|||[[JonTron]]<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=m2av978FgLI#t=725</ref>}}
<strike>'''Ziusudra'''</strike> '''Noah''' is an [[Old Testament]] character who made the second great Covenant with [[God]] after the [[Great Flood]].  He is also famous for getting drunk, passing out naked, and then cursing his [[Curse of Ham|grandson]] because his son <strike>tried convincing him to start attending [[Alcoholics Anonymous|Twelve Step Meetings]]</strike> saw him naked.
Now a major motion picture!<ref>[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1959490/ ''Noah'' (2014) at IMDb]</ref>

==Biography==
[[Image:Noah.jpg|thumb|left|Noah preparing for the flood.]]
Noah was likely born at some time in some place in the [[Near East]], probably in the Fertile Crescent<ref>{{wpa | Fertile Crescent}}</ref> (dubbed by some the "Cradle of Civilization"<ref>{{wpa | Cradle of civilization}}</ref>).  As it so happened, no one but God survived to witness this event, making it a True Fact of a [[Christian]] nature.<ref>see [[Evidence against a recent creation| arguments for a Young Earth]] and other such fairy-tales as to why God is the Best Witness Ever™.</ref>  On or about Noah's 480<sup>th</sup> birthday,<ref>[https://web-beta.archive.org/web/20040414210813/http://www.creationbydesign.com/resources/timeline_great_flood_events.pdf Great Flood Timeline] by Chard Berndt, ''Creation by Design'' (archived from April 14, 2004).</ref> God informed Noah that it was gonna rain hard and that he had better build himself a boat. A big one! Then God apparently sent down detailed blueprints of a never-before-considered and extremely complex (yet simple enough to build with bronze-age tools<ref group=note>Or possibly not… according to some [[creationists]], pre-flood civilisation was advanced enough to genetically modify animals to produce transitional fossils, so a little old ark wouldn't bother them.</ref>) Ark<ref>Literally, a big box - see https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=ark. But conventionally understood as a boat or ship.</ref> that would hold two<ref group=note>
Actually seven each of the "clean" animals (or seven pairs in some translations) and two each of the "unclean" ones.
</ref>
of every animal (including [[dinosaur]]s, [[unicorn]]s, mosquitoes, skunks and [[dragon]]s!) that lived on the earth along with enough food and complex rain-catching devices to keep those animals alive for roughly 365 days.  

At the age of 600 years,<ref>"And Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon the earth." - [[RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/Genesis#Genesis 7:6| Genesis 7:6]]</ref> Noah got himself, his kids 
and his pet ''T. rex''
 onto the Big Boat and they sailed around the world in 40 days.  

After the Flood, Noah started growing grapes, and—what else?—turning them into [[wine]].  He got drunk, danced naked in front of his tent, and passed out.  His son Ham came in and saw him in that condition. Uh oh! When he learned the sordid details in the morning, Noah inexplicably [[Curse of Ham | cursed Ham's son]], confusingly known as [[Canaan]] (rather than cursing Ham himself).<ref> [[RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/Genesis#Genesis 8:20| Genesis 9:20]]</ref>  Possibly Noah was still drunk at the time, and presumably he swore off drinking afterward.

Noah died 950 years after his birth.<ref>"And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years: and he died." - [[RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/Genesis#Genesis 9:29| Genesis 9:29]]</ref> Presumably, he carted his beard around behind him in a wheelbarrow, as if he were Father Time himself. 

Scholars believe that [[Documentary hypothesis | Biblical compilers]] based the character Noah on the mythical [[Mesopotamia]]n figure Utnapishtim, who appears in the ''[[Epic of Gilgamesh]]'' (''circa'' 2100 BCE), and who also survived a [[Great Flood]] by building a boat and got promoted to Godhood<ref>{{wpa | Apotheosis}}</ref> for surviving.

==Notes==
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==References==
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{{stub|Global flood}}

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[[Category:Biblical figures]]
[[Category:Old Testament]]
[[category:Global flood]]

Categories: Biblical figures, Old Testament, Global flood