Rick Perry

{{bronze}}
[[File:Rick Perry.jpg|thumb|165px|YEEEE-HAW!!!]]{{uspolitics}}
{{cquote|I'll tell ya, it's three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, education and uuuhhh ... oops.|||Yes, he actually said this. The department he is forgetting here is the Department of Energy. He eventually got to run it.<ref>[http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45246707#.TsCz28OBq0s MSNBC]. Said at a November 2011 Republican presidential debate in Michigan</ref>}}
'''James Richard "Rick" Perry''', aka '''Governor Goodhair''',<ref>
[http://www.buzzflash.com/interviews/04/08/int04042.html According to Molly Ivins]</ref> {{lived|1950}} aka '''Governor Oops''' is the former [[Republican]] governor of the State of [[Texas]] who ran for the presidency twice and failed to get the nomination both times but got to be Secretary of Energy from 2017 to 2019 as a consolation prize. He was Governor of Texas from 2000 when he 
was appointed to
 succeeded [[George W. Bush]], until 2014 when his Attorney General [[Greg Abbott]] succeeded him. He was one of the contenders for the Republican nomination in the [[2012 U.S. Presidential Election|2012 presidential election]] but dropped out on January 19th and endorsed [[Newt Gingrich]].<ref>[http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/19/perry-to-end-bid-for-presidency/?gwh=A1FBD29D27B3DC7F3CA71D834593A8D8 The Caucus:Perry to End Bid for Presidency]</ref>

Rick Perry is an amorphous political animal. Before he was a conservative hate-monger in Texas, he was as blue a [[Democrat]] as there ever was. He supported [[Al Gore]] during the 1988 Presidential race but was not, as commonly stated, his campaign manager (that has its origins in a 1998 attack ad by a Democratic then-opponent of his).<ref>W. Gardner Selby (September 7<sup>th</sup>, 2011): [http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2011/sep/07/legend-al-gore-and-rick-perry/ "The legend of Al Gore and Rick Perry"], ''[[PolitiFact]]''.</ref> One thing you can bet on is that Rick Perry will do what is good for Rick Perry, even if it means killing innocent people.

Perry is the sort of guy we can trust to run the Energy Department as scrupulously, fairly, and honestly<ref>Mother Jones: [http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/06/rick-perry-biggest-controversies Rick Perry's Top Controversies]</ref><ref>Dallas News: [http://www.dallasnews.com/news/politics/state-politics/20100725-murky-land-deals-mark-gov.-rick-perry_s-past.ece Murky land deals mark Gov. Rick Perry's past]</ref><ref>LA Times: [http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-0816-perry-donors-20110816,0,7718310.story Gov. Rick Perry's big donors fare well in Texas]</ref> as he ran his home state of Texas. Which is a scary thought, indeed. He has a love for [[oil]] bordering on fetishistic.

==Rick Perry's insatiable bloodlust==
By 2014, Perry had presided over 278 [[capital punishment|executions]], the most of any modern governor.<ref>http://www.tdcj.state.tx.us/death_row/dr_executed_offenders.html</ref> Second place goes to George W. Bush, who's not even a contender, with 152.<ref>[http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2011/08/11/293120/perry-presides-over-235th-execution-most-of-any-modern-governor/ Rick Perry loves executing people.]</ref> He also vetoed a bill prohibiting the execution of mentally handicapped people.<ref>[http://www.ontheissues.org/governor/Rick_Perry_Crime.htm Rick Perry on Crime]</ref>

In just one high-profile case, that of an alleged arson by Cameron Willingham, Perry, worrying more about political expenditure and his image of being "hard" on crime than someone else's life on the line, called the evidence anti-death penalty propaganda<ref>Grant, J. (2011) ''Denying Science''. "Chapter 2: The Law is a{{sic}} Ass". p.66. Prometheus Books. ISBN 978-1-61614-399-2</ref> and went forward with the execution even though the defendant's lawyers produced evidence indicating that the investigation had been seriously flawed.<ref>The New Yorker: [http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/09/07/090907fa_fact_grann Trial by Fire]</ref> The prosecution relied heavily on the evidence of a fellow prisoner who later changed his story. Five years later, Perry interfered with the workings of a state panel investigating the case by dismissing several commissioners on the eve of some crucial testimony, raising accusations of a [[cover-up]].<ref>TPM: [http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/10/evidence_builds_that_perrys_office_pressured_panel.php Evidence Builds That Perry's Office Pressured Panel On Willingham Probe]</ref><ref>Sentencing Law and Policy: [http://sentencing.typepad.com/sentencing_law_and_policy/2009/10/texas-governor-perry-disrupts-panel-looking-into-willingham-capital-case.html Texas Governor Perry disrupts panel looking into Willingham capital case]</ref>

More recently, Perry allowed the execution of Mexican national Humberto Leal García, despite serious flaws in the prosecution. Notably, García was not informed that he had the right to consular support which is guaranteed under international law. His US-assigned attorney missed out on challenging the prosecution's key evidence and presenting mitigating factors, while the Mexican embassy could have provided a professional legal defense but did not learn of the trial until after the conviction. Perry apparently feared that 
killing a man who didn't deserve the conviction
 delaying the execution might alienate Republicans in the run-up to his presidential campaign.<ref>http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2011/jul/08/rick-perry-texas-leal</ref><ref>http://www.humbertoleal.org/</ref>

==Rick Perry and the wacko Christian right==
Perry's preferred way of dealing with problems is apparently to [[pray]] them away, although his success rate leaves a lot to be desired. When Texas was hit by a severe drought in the spring of 2011, Perry's reaction was to proclaim a three-day "Prayer for Rain", personally taking charge by leading several public prayer sessions himself. In a predictably sadistic fashion, [[God]] responded by turning the heat ''up'', and the drought and wildfires continued to devastate Texas farmlands all through the summer.<ref>NYT: [http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/11/rick-perrys-unanswered-prayers/?hp Rick Perry’s Unanswered Prayers]</ref> Never one to be dissuaded by such minor setbacks, Perry made his personal relationship with his god a cornerstone of his nascent presidential campaign. When asked how he would go about fixing the nation's numerous problems, he responded:

{{cquote|I think it's time for us to just hand it over to God, and say, 'God: You're going to have to fix this.'<ref>Salon: [http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2011/07/14/perry_politics_pulpit Rick Perry platform: Let God figure it out]</ref>}}

In August 2011, shortly before kicking off his 2012 campaign, Perry attempted to put his plan into practice by organizing a huge prayer event ("The Response") in Houston. Apart from raising concerns about the [[separation of church and state]], this event was also notable for featuring a number of extremist evangelical pastors, including old favorites like [[David Barton]] and members of the [[American Family Association]].<ref>Salon: [http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2011/07/07/rick_perry_prayer_pastors Extremist pastor signs on to Perry prayer event]</ref><ref>Right Wing Watch: [http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/fact-sheet-gov-rick-perry%E2%80%99s-extremist-allies Fact Sheet: Gov. Rick Perry’s Extremist Allies]</ref> This time, God's response to ''The Response'' came in the form of a massive stock market crash. Oh, Yahweh, you silly guy, you.

It seems like Perry's not quite over his problem with pandering to evangelical fucknuts at every turn; he's recently opined (in a conference call with the equally happy-go-lucky [[Rick Scarborough]]) that "spiritual warfare" is necessary to combat the ''very idea'' of separation of church and state because some dude with a pitchfork and horns is apparently the one behind the concept<ref>[http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/perry-christian-warriors-spiritual-warfare-satan-separation-church-state Rick Perry: 'Christian Warriors' must use 'Spiritual Warfare' against 'Satanic' Separation of Church and State,] Right Wing Watch</ref> and ''not'' the actual framers of the Constitution.

==New Apostolic Reformation==
Perry has ties to the [[New Apostolic Reformation]], a bunch of [[Pentecostal]]s who seem [[Dominionism|hell-bent on turning America]] into a [[theocracy]].<ref>[http://www.texasobserver.org/cover-story/rick-perrys-army-of-god "Rick Perry's Army of God"]</ref> Rick Perry's prayer rallies were organized by (arguably) this crazy New Apostolic Reformation. They also have apparent connections to [[Michele Bachmann]] and [[Sarah Palin]]. Oh, and they think [[Oprah Winfrey]] might be the [[Antichrist]].

==Treason==
On at least two separate occasions, Perry has argued that Texas has the right to [[Secession#Texas|secede]] from the union and suggested that he might be prompted to follow through with it.<ref>CNN Politics: [http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/16/texas-governor-says-secession-possible/ Texas governor says secession possible]</ref><ref>Politico: [http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0811/61030.html Rick Perry critics unearth another secession comment]</ref> Perry has repeatedly associated himself with [[neo-Confederate]] groups, received support from them, and campaigned for preserving Confederate monuments.<ref>Salon: [http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2011/07/13/rick_perry_sons_of_confederate_veterans Rick Perry's Confederate past]</ref> While the rest of the country would probably rejoice if Perry and his followers buggered off and constrained their madness to their own state, it's still treasonous and illegal to attempt to break up the union.

In August 2011, in comments aimed at then-Federal Reserve boss [[Ben Bernanke]], Perry declared that printing more cash (known as quantitative easing) was "treasonous in [his] opinion" and suggested that Bernanke had better stay out of Texas, lest he come to harm.<ref>http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-14553127</ref> Even his Republican colleagues found those remarks a little unpresidential.<ref>Politico: [http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0811/61486.html Bushies slam Rick Perry's Ben Bernanke comment]</ref><ref>http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/19/bruce-bartlett-rick-perry-bernanke_n_931334.html</ref>

==Strong==
During Perry's 2011 campaign to become a Republican Presidential nominee, he released "Strong",<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PAJNntoRgA Rick Perry – "Strong" (video)]</ref> a video espousing his view of important matters for America. Was this the ongoing war in the Middle East? The poverty faced by average Americans? The economy? Jobs? Nope; it was all about where you [[homosexuality|stick your giggle-stick]] and how you can't force children to [[school prayer|pray in school]]. In an America where as many as a quarter of the people may not actually identify as "Christian" and where the majority ''do'' support [[same-sex marriage]], this has been almost universally considered to be out of touch and plainly bigoted. Just to show there's no out-of-context bullshit here, this is the full transcript of the standalone message:

{{quotebox|I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.
As President, I'll end Obama's war on religion. And I'll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage.
Faith made America strong. It can make her strong again.
I'm Rick Perry and I approve this message.}}

The video quickly became one of the most disliked on YouTube, ranking alongside the likes of Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber for downvotes.<ref>[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/08/rick-perry-rebecca-black-youtube-dislikes_n_1138000.html Huffington Post – Rick Perry's 'Strong' Ad Surpasses Rebecca Black's 'Friday' With More Dislikes On YouTube (VIDEOS)]</ref> A host of parodies appeared to take the piss even further. One asking what other unpopular opinions Perry held<ref>[http://unpopularopinionrickperry.tumblr.com/ Rick Perry's Unpopular Opinions]</ref> and one cartoon by [[List of YouTubers|YouTuber]] [[DarkMatter2525]] effectively translating it into what he actually meant.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMfa-pNbRcg DarkMatter2525 Really Really STRONG (Really)]</ref>

It's probably worth letting George Takei [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_QDGdbg-QQ have the last word on that one].

==Racism==
During his non-campaign to be Archbishop of God's Only Party, Politico released a photo of a hand-painted sign posted at the entrance of Perry's hunting camp. Apparently, the 
[[I'm not prejudiced, but...|not-racist-one-bit]]
 Perry family hunted at a camp known as "Niggerhead Ranch". Perry claimed that the sign was already there when he started leasing the land in 1983 and that he ordered it painted over the moment he 
decided to run for political office
 laid eyes on it. Seems his underlings took the better part of thirty years to get round to this chore, and Perry never followed up.<ref>http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2011/10/rick_perry_niggerhead.php</ref> He could have just rickrolled that thing outta there. It's kinda hard to quantify what is the worst aspect of this story: the fact that Rick didn't personally, immediately paint over the offensive sign the instant he saw it back in 1983 or that the discovery of the sign didn't seem to have much of an effect on his chances in the race.

In 2014, Perry argued that [[Cliven Bundy]]'s blatant racism was irrelevant; it was his property rights that mattered (claims to Federal property that courts repeatedly decided he had no right to use). A Perry minion later said that Perry thought that Bundy's racist remarks were reprehensible.<ref>[http://www.businessinsider.com/rick-perry-nevada-rancher-racist-remarks-a-side-issue-2014-4 Rick Perry Dismisses Question About Nevada Rancher's Racist Remarks] by Hunter Walker (Apr. 24, 2014, 10:13 AM) ''Business Insider''.</ref>

In 2015, Perry argued that Dylann Storm Roof's cold-blooded slaying of 9 African Americans in a historic [[South Carolina]] civil-rights church was not motivated by racism and that it wasn't his easy access to guns that mattered but his illegal [[drug]] use.<ref>[https://www.ringoffireradio.com/2015/06/rick-perry-drugs-cause-charleston-slaying-not-racism-not-guns/ Rick Perry: Drugs Caused Charleston Slaying, Not Racism, Not Guns] by Justin Lane (June 19, 2015) ''Ring of Fire''.</ref> Roof's racist manifesto, as well as racist photos that featured Roof, were revealed the very next day after Perry shot his mouth off.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/21/us/dylann-storm-roof-photos-website-charleston-church-shooting.html?_r=0 Dylann Storm Roof Photos and a Manifesto Posted on Website] by Frances Robles (June 20, 2015) ''New York Times''</ref>

==Pseudoscience-pushing==
Perry's wingnuttery wouldn't be complete, of course, without a generous dash of [[anti-science]] in the form of [[creationism]] and more. In fact, he hand-picked the now-notorious creationist dentist [[Don McLeroy]] to serve on the [[Texas State Board of Education]] and then appointed another creationist when he was voted out.<ref>[http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39030_Rick_Perry-_The_Most_Successful_Creationist_Governor_in_America Rick Perry: The Most Successful Creationist Governor in America], Little Green Footballs. Also not surprising: McLeroy was an advocate for [[abstinence-only sex education]].</ref> On the campaign trail, Perry officially endorsed presenting creationism as a viable alternative to [[evolution]] in state schools:

{{cquote|(Evolution) is a theory that's out there and it's got some gaps in it. In Texas, we teach creationism and evolution because I feel you're smart enough to figure out which one is right."<ref>http://politics.blogs.foxnews.com/2011/08/18/perry-questioned-evolution-and-creationism-new-hampshire-says-texas-teaches-both</ref>}}

The ''[[Washington Post]]'''s Fact-Checker has granted Perry its Pinocchio award to indicate exactly how reliable he is on [[global warming]].<ref>[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker/post/rick-perrys-made-up-facts-about-climate-change/2011/08/17/gIQApVF5LJ_blog.html Rick Perry's Made Up Facts About Climate Change.] Note the citation of the [[Oregon Petition]].</ref> On that front, he calls it "all one contrived phony mess that is falling apart under its own weight".<ref>[http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/aug/12/rick-perry-climate-sceptics-president Rick Perry to Delight Climate Sceptics by Running for President], ''[[The Guardian]]''</ref> He also subscribes to a [[global warming conspiracy theory|climate science conspiracy]]:

{{cquote|I think there are a substantial number of scientists who have manipulated data so that they will have dollars rolling into their projects. And I think we are seeing almost weekly or even daily scientists are coming forward and questioning the original idea that man-made global warming is what is causing the climate to change. Yes our climate's changed, they've been changing ever since the earth was born. But I do not buy into a group of scientists who have in some cases found to be manipulating this information.<ref>http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/blog/2011/aug/18/rick-perry-scientists-climate-data</ref>}}

Under the Perry administration, the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality erased climate-related references in one of its reports.<ref>[http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/10/perry-officials-censored-climate-report Perry Officials Censored Climate Report], ''Mother Jones''</ref>

==Legislative hijinks on behalf of 
wingnuts
 the unborn==
In June 2013, the Texas legislature attempted to pass an omnibus abortion bill that would tightly restrict abortions in Texas; the law was on its way to passing (despite receiving "help" in the way of a bizarre statement from state Representative Jodie Laubenberg, who claimed that an exception for rape and incest was unnecessary since "rape kits" could get a woman "cleaned out")<ref>[http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/texas-gop-rep-rape-exemption-for-abortion-bill Texas GOP Rep On Abortion: Women Get 'Cleaned Out' With 'Rape Kits',] Talking Points Memo</ref> until state Senator Wendy Davis staged a filibuster in order to prevent it from being passed by the midnight legislative adjournment deadline.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/27/us/politics/texas-abortion-bill.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 In Texas, a Senator's Stand Catches the Spotlight,] New York ''Times''</ref> The bill failed despite Davis' filibuster being ended by a rules vote due to vocal intervention by protestors in the gallery<ref>[http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/texas-abortion-bill-fails-after-challenge.php Texas Abortion Bill Fails After Challenge,] Talking Points Memo</ref> and despite some ''additional'' chicanery concerning a timestamp on the actual vote.<ref>[Gawker.com: [http://archive.ph/http://gawker.com/internet-catches-texas-senate-altering-timestamp-on-abo-584135789 archive.ph], [http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://gawker.com/internet-catches-texas-senate-altering-timestamp-on-abo-584135789 web.archive.org] Internet Catches Texas Senate Altering Timestamp on Abortion Bill Vote,] Gawker</ref> Perry – who is nothing if not a ''persistent'' brand of wingnut – immediately called for a special legislative session to pass the bill<ref>[http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2013/06/26/perry-calls-special-session-for-texas-legislature/?iref=allsearch Perry calls special session for Texas legislature,] CNN.com</ref> and made predictably condescending noises that Davis "hasn't learned from her own example" of being a teenage mother.<ref>[http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/gov-perry-davis-hasnt-learned-from-own-example?ref=fpb Perry: ‘Unfortunate’ Davis ‘Hasn’t Learned From Her Own Example’ About Being A Teenage Mom,] Talking Points Memo</ref> To her credit, Davis only called Perry a breaker of legislative rules and not just a complete idiot despite ample proof.<ref>[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/26/wendy-davis-rick-perry_n_3506917.html Wendy Davis: Rick Perry Has 'Made A Mockery' Of Texas' Rules,] Huffington Post</ref>

In 2014, he surprisingly endorsed decriminalizing [[marijuana]] and [[states' rights]] to legalize (or criminalize) abortion and same-sex marriage, saying "then people will decide where they want to live."<ref>http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/01/23/perry-marijuana-davos/4803929/</ref>

==Lack of future in politics==
[[File:Rick-perry-report-card.jpg|thumb|right|165px|Meat, man.]]

Perry announced his retirement from the gubernatorial position in Texas (cue cheers from the whole of Texas) ... and served out the rest of his term before stepping down (cue boos from the whole of Texas). In 2014, [[wingnut]] [[Greg Abbott]] was elected to succeed Perry (cue ''even louder'' boos from the whole of Texas).

On June 4, 2015, Perry launched his 2016 U.S. presidential campaign<ref>Weissert, Will; Peoples, Steve. [http://bigstory.ap.org/article/8e05a812781f4a26a1641086b2365b11/humbler-rick-perry-hopes-2016-bid-goes-better-first Rick Perry announces 2016 bid, a re-do from 2012]. Associated Press. 4 June 2015. Retrieved on 29 July 2015.</ref> With the rise of [[Donald Trump]] and troubles with money,<ref>http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/08/11/us-usa-election-perry-idUSKCN0QG1DA20150811</ref> however, his campaign quickly fell on shaky ground. On September 11, 2015, he dropped out of the race.<ref>Peoples, Steve. [http://news.yahoo.com/ap-sources-perry-exit-2016-republican-presidential-race-211809518--election.html Rick Perry first to exit 2016 Republican presidential race]. Associated Press. 11 September 2015. Retrieved on 11 September 2015.</ref>

==All aboard the Trump train==
Rick Perry was subsequently named by then-President-elect [[Donald Trump]] as his nominee for Secretary of Energy. And it was not the least bit terrifying that the guy responsible for [[nuclear weapons]], who was replacing the former chair of the MIT Department of Physics, was an animal science major with a D in a class called "Meats". Perry's nomination has got to be the equivalent of Trump giving his stubby middle finger to the world because Perry famously could not remember the third department he wanted to eliminate during a 2011 presidential debate, this department turned out to be the Department of Energy; oops!<ref>[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/energy-environment/wp/2016/12/13/trump-taps-former-texas-gov-rick-perry-to-head-energy-department-he-once-vowed-to-abolish/?utm_term=.5264f42311a7 Trump taps former Texas Gov. Rick Perry to head Energy Department he once vowed to abolish] by Juliet Eilperin and Steven Mufson (December 14, 2016) ''The Washington Post''</ref> Perry dropped out of the presidential race shortly after that gaffe.

As Energy Secretary, Perry was identified as one of the "three amigos" assigned to pressure [[Ukraine]] in an attempt to get them to investigate [[Trump]]'s political rivals.<ref>Philip Ewing, [https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=770482694 White House Reportedly Replaced Ukraine Policy Staff With 'Three Amigos'] [[NPR]], 15 October 2019.</ref> Press reports suggested that Perry was looking to exit the Trump administration before the end of 2019, (doing so in December)<ref>Ben Lefebvre and Theodoric Meyer, [https://www.politico.com/news/2019/10/03/rick-perry-expected-to-resign-000189 Energy Secretary Rick Perry eyeing exit in November](doing so on in December). Politico, 3 October 2019.</ref> and will likely spend his retirement enjoying subpoenas and answering questions about his role in the [[Trump-Ukraine scandal]].<ref>[http://lite.cnn.io/en/article/h_37bf67a971d6e4240155513a2f7fcc9c Rick Perry informs Trump of his plans to resign as scrutiny over Ukraine heats up]. CNN, 17 October 2019.</ref><ref>Melissa Block, [https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=772748352 How Rick Perry Became A Key Figure In The Trump Impeachment Probe]. NPR, 24 October 2019.</ref>

==See also==
*[[Greg Abbott]]: Perry's Attorney General and another source of state-wide queasiness
*[[Ted Cruz]]: His former Solicitor General

==External links==
*[http://lefthemispheres.blogspot.com/2011/06/theocracy-watch-gov-rick-perry.html Theocracy Watch: Gov. Rick Perry]
*[http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/rick-perry-familys-hunting-camp-still-known-to-many-by-old-racially-charged-name/2011/10/01/gIQAOhY5DL_story.html Niggerhead.] *facepalm*
*[https://twitter.com/speechboy71/status/487679833539760128 Take care, Rick.]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMfa-pNbRcg Really Really STRONG (Really)] – a parody of Rick Perry's infamous [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT_wNAGK8K4 "Strong"] ad by [[DarkMatter2525]]

==References==
{{reflist|2|80%}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Perry, Rick}}

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