ChristWire

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'''ChristWire.org''' was a satire of [[Christian fundamentalism]] that presents itself as a jaw-dropping compilation of some of the most batshit crazy [[homophobia]], [[racism]], [[paranoia]], and outright fawning over anybody who extolls both [[right-wing]] politics and Christian fundamentalism (e.g., [[George W. Bush]], [[Sarah Palin]], [[Newt Gingrich]], etc.). It successfully scores a lot of [[Poe's law|Poes]].

As of April 2020, the site appears to have been taken down. The content of the site is this message:

{{quotebox|ChristWire is reloading. In the year 2016, the unthinkable happened: the reign of Barack Obama I and the potential reign of Hillary Clinton came to a complete halt Through what could only be described as a miracle from the heavens (if you look East when praying), a man first mocked by everyone ascended to lead the country into what was supposed to be a Golden Age of Morality. But alas, things are not going as expected. The world is again in peril. Americans fight over every possible thing, at the behest of divisive radicals who have invested and invaded every nook and cranny of culture. Logic is defied for saving the face of politics. Churches full of decent people think and post memes of reprehenisble nature. Political leaders invoke the very populism and divisive rhetoric that lead humanity to global wars. Science is ridiculed. Decent moral people are mocked. Wild-eyed outliers believe every word that they have been told to disagree with, no matter how logical, is a reason to grab a weapon and protest the advice to wear a mask. In times of such calamity and chaos, helpers must arise. That is where the community of ChristWire has again heard the call to arise.}}
After this, the site has became a blank page.
==Yes, it's a parody==
Some fundamentalists may believe in the site's outlandish, biblical wrath-of-God claims, but the site is [[satire]], dancing on the edge of Poe's law well enough to fool people.  Alongside the Christian ads, there are many gay-friendly ads, such as the "Get a Room" campaign for a gay weekend in Palm Springs (not to mention the time an author claimed to be writing to Miley Cyrus from his "new robot droid cellar"). Without these tidbits of genuine insanity, one could easily be forgiven for thinking that the content is actual, and it is believed that many of its 27 million plus visitors, including [[MSNBC]] newscaster [[Rachel Maddow]], may have thought this.

===Outing===
In 2010, ''[[The New York Times]]'' "outed" ChristWire as a parody.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20220321190152/http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/04/us/04beliefs.html NY Times -A Niche of the Unreal in a World of Credulity]</ref> The intention of the authors of the site was to make people think about what they read in newspapers, checking what was and wasn't true rather than blindly accepting it. This is a slightly different motive than most parodists, who do it to discredit the religious right. In fact, the authors claimed to be ''more'' conservative in real life than most parodists. True to form and the motive expressed in the ''New York Times'' article, ChristWire reacted to the "outing" by claiming the article was devoid of facts and was trying to discredit evangelical Christianity.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20120209045629/http://christwire.org/2010/09/satire-poes-law-and-the-new-york-times-campaign-to-discredit-the-evangelical-message-of-christwire/ Christwire.org - Satire, Poe’s Law and The New York Times Campaign to Discredit the Evangelical Message of Christwire]</ref>

==Example posts==
*In 2010, God cleaved an island-sized iceberg off [[Greenland]] because they approved [[civil union|civil unions]] in 1996. (God seems to be preoccupied. It took Him 14 years to notice.)<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20120209033340/http://christwire.org/2010/08/massive-ice-chunk-breaks-off-greenland-glacier-gays-responsible-for-geography-change/ "Massive Ice Chunk Breaks off Greenland Glacier, Gays Responsible for Geography Change"], posted 7 August 2010.</ref>
*Do church services bore your husband? Does he go to the gym while having no interest in sports? Does he want to use lubricants and [[sex toy|sex toys]] during intercourse with you? Does he like to walk around with his shirt off? Does he watch TV shows and movies that aren't laden with wall-to-wall explosions, fist fights, and machine gun fire? Then '''''HE'S GAY!!!!!!!!!!'''''<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20100828030236/http://christwire.org/2010/08/is-my-husband-gay/ "Is My Husband Gay?"], posted 19 August 2010.</ref><ref group=note>With this one, they fooled ''[[The Huffington Post]]'' and numerous other outlets into [https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2010/08/satirical-christian-site-hoodwinks-the-huffington-post/344445/ criticizing the article as a serious work].</ref>
*How to spot a [[masturbation|masturbator]].<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20101108190914/http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to-spot-a-masturbator/ "How to Spot a Masturbator"], posted 9 May 2010.</ref> (You mean other than open your eyes and look at the nearest teenager or adult?)
*''The Golden Girls'' was the evil harbinger of gay tolerance.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20101108233714/http://christwire.org/2010/08/the-golden-girls-25th-anniversary-collection-promises-a-sickening-display-of-humanitys-bitter-end/ "The Golden Girls 25th Anniversary Collection Promises a Sickening Display of Humanity’s Bitter End"], posted 13 August 2010.</ref> (Really! How can an article that quotes "[[philosopher]]<ref group=note>'''WTF?????????'''</ref> [[Ross Douthat]]" in its first sentence, then blames the moral decay of America on a sitcom about four old ladies, be taken seriously? Maybe we're supposed to take it seriously because they quoted Douthat without mentioning "a chunky Reese Witherspoon.")
*Mexican [[swine flu]] is still a [[zombie]] threat because it can lay dormant in the Mexican [[genome]].<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20101009182922/http://christwire.org/2010/08/mexican-swine-flu-is-still-a-zombie-threat-more-proof/ "Mexican Swine Flu Is Still A Zombie Threat, More Proof"], posted 8 August 2010.</ref> '''''
Brrrrraaaaaiiiiinnnnnzzzzz!!!!!
 ¡¡¡¡¡Ceeeeerrrrreeeeebbbbbrrrrrooooosssss!!!!!'''''
*Evil girls are vajazzling<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20110207212527/http://christwire.org/2010/03/vajazzling-the-newest-threat-to-your-college-son/"], posted 5 March 2010</ref> and vatooing<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20110208034517/http://christwire.org/2010/08/vatooing-new-freshmen-female-trap-for-upstanding-college-men/ "Vatooing, New Freshmen Female Trap For Upstanding College Men"], posted 13 August 2010.</ref> themselves because they hope to corrupt '''''your''''' poor, innocent, naïve, upstanding Christian son as he heads off to college.<ref group=note>News flash, Mom and Dad. Your son probably hopes they corrupt him, too. If not, then ten years from now, your daughter-in-law may feel the need to consult the "Is My Husband Gay" article above.</ref>
*How women's suffrage destroys society.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20101008205823/http://christwire.org/2010/08/19th-amendment-celebrating-90-years-of-feminism-destroying-america-vote-by-vote/ "19th Amendment: Celebrating 90 Years of Feminism Destroying America, Vote by Vote"], posted 18 August 2010.</ref>
*[[Obama]] fails to protect the most vulnerable of all minorities: White Christian Americans!<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20101208004949/http://christwire.org/2010/05/why-isnt-barack-obama-protecting-white-people-from-racism-hate/ "Why Isn’t Barack Obama Protecting White People From Racism & Hate?"], posted 4 May 2010.</ref>
*Portal 2 is a recruiting tool for the gay community.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20160414230315/http://christwire.org/2011/04/is-portal-2-safe-for-the-christain-family/ Is "Portal 2" Safe for the Christain Family?], posted 23 April 2011.</ref>
*Obama is infecting Christians with Ebola to destroy Jesus and start a new age of liberal darkness.<ref>[http://https://web.archive.org/web/20140814184823/christwire.org/2014/08/obama-is-infecting-christians-with-ebola-to-destroy-jesus-and-start-a-new-age-of-liberal-darkness/ "Obama is Infecting Christians with Ebola To Destroy Jesus and Start A New Age of Liberal Darkness"], posted August 4, 2014.</ref> But you already knew that.

==See also==
*[[Betty Bowers]]
*[[Landover Baptist Church]]
*[[Objective: Ministries]]

==External links==
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20150302025202/http://christwire.org/ Archived copy of this site's homepage]

==Footnotes==
{{reflist|group=note}}

==References==
{{reflist}}

[[Category:Fake news]]
[[Category:Parodists]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Categories: Fake news, Parodists, Websites