The Five

[[File:The Five logo.png|thumb|165px|The Five logo]]
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'''''The Five''''' is a program that appears on [[Fox News]] where you can enjoy watching four [[Persecution complex|very]] [[paranoid]] [[wingnut|ultraconservatives]] shout down an also paranoid [[liberal]] [[pundit]], basically a dogpile of "professional [[asshole]]s".<ref>[https://www.sfgate.com/local/article/a-day-at-lake-merritt-oakland-19521099.php My peaceful stroll through the heart of America's war zone, Oakland's Lake Merritt] by Drew Magary (July 21, 2024) ''SFGate''.</ref> Like ''Fox and Friends'', it has endured constant mockery from [[Stephen Colbert|both]] [[Jon Stewart|comedians]] and [[Media Matters for America|liberal blogs]] due to the stupidity of their pundits.

==Overview/Silliness==
The show is extremely fast-paced and is obviously set up more for attention-grabbing entertainment than it is for actually educating the public. The hosts have been caught spreading [[conspiracy theories]] and [[woo]] repeatedly without penalty, and in one of the more infamous moments of the show all of the [[Republican]] pundits on air claimed a worksheet teaching the distributive property of [[mathematics|algebra]]<ref group=note><math>a(x+y) = ax + ay</math></ref> to schoolchildren was part of a liberal plot to [[Indoctrination|indoctrinate]] children with [[income redistribution|the idea of redistributing wealth]].<ref>[http://wonkette.com/496346/foxs-the-five-algebra-is-liberal-terrorism You thought that was a joke?]</ref>

Other wackiness includes [[global warming denialism]] on a regular basis,<ref>[http://mediamatters.org/video/2013/09/30/foxs-the-five-gets-un-climate-report-all-wrong/196174 Damn warmists!]</ref> claiming [[feminism]] encourages women to commit [[paedophilia]],<ref>http://mediamatters.org/video/2013/06/25/the-5-worst-moments-from-the-fives-500-episodes/194605</ref> comparing the [[debt ceiling]] to a "[[sexism|wife and her credit cards]],"<ref>http://mediamatters.org/video/2011/07/11/foxs-gutfeld-on-raising-the-debt-ceiling-its-li/145653</ref> and advocating the idea of taking away [[welfare]] from the [[Blaming the victim|family members of criminals]] in order to "lower" the crime rate.<ref>http://mediamatters.org/video/2013/08/23/dana-perinos-crime-deterrent-proposal-take-welf/195575</ref> Pretty much all of the Republican pundits to appear thus far accept it as an obvious truth that the [[Liberal media|media is liberal]] and plotting against the GOP.

The show got in hot water again when pundit Eric Bolling started fantasizing about [[Guantanamo Bay]] inmates hanging themselves because it would save [[tax]]payer dollars,<ref>http://mediamatters.org/video/2013/09/04/foxs-bolling-suggests-saving-taxpayer-money-by/195728</ref> something his co-hosts let him go on about without disagreement.

The [[token]] liberal, Bob Beckel, is mainly there to get yelled at by the four hardliners. Occasionally Beckel will make a hard turn to outrageousness (usually on [[social]] issues), such as when he said he [[Islamophobia|didn't want any more mosques built]] in [[America]] until we know who the "terrorists" are. His co-hosts saw this as a something to cheer for, as he got high fived by a co-host shortly after expressing this belief.<ref>http://mediamatters.org/video/2013/07/09/beckel-i-would-not-have-another-mosque-built-in/194794</ref>

==Hosts==
*Greg Gutfeld: Tried to be the [[right-wing]] Jon Stewart but wasn't relatable or funny enough to pull it off. Now he gives monologues against liberals in the openings, railing against the lie-berals and whatever they're up to. Hilariously, he likes throwing around the phrase "[[false consciousness]]" a lot [[cognitive dissonance|despite]] its [[Marxist]] origins.<ref>[http://dailycaller.com/2011/06/21/red-eye-host-gutfeld-jon-stewart-is-lying-to-himself/ He uses it against Jon Stewart here but he's used it on other occasions as well]</ref><ref>[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-gutfeld/huffpo-guide-to-good-and-_b_4045.html Here he is using it to describe the HuffPost as well]</ref> If you haven't heard of him before, he was the guy joining [[Ann Coulter]] a few years ago in wanting to invade [[Canada]] to teach them a lesson in military complacency. He also used to write for that paragon of journalistic integrity, Maxim Magazine. 
*Eric Bolling: A former [[business]]man who doesn't know what a [[recession]] is and has the stupidest moments out of the pundits to appear.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPRM445JmgI Would you trust him with your money?]</ref>
*Kimberly Guilfoyle: Hates [[Barack Obama|Obama]] with a passion, saying that voting for him would cause America to "fail."<ref>http://mediamatters.org/video/2012/07/27/foxs-kimberly-guilfoyle-re-elect-president-obam/187358</ref>
*Dana Perino: Former Press Secretary for [[George Bush]]. Said women who were victims of violence ([[murder]], specifically) [[Blaming the victim|should make better decisions]].<ref>http://mediamatters.org/video/2012/12/05/perinos-advice-to-women-who-are-victims-of-viol/191702</ref>
*Bob Beckel: The token liberal on economic matters, and he believes in [[global warming]]. However, he has also taken stances to the right of his co-hosts (as mentioned above) and has a history of making gaffes, possibly because he's more of a strategist than a debater. He's also stated other stupid shit, such as claiming that [[rape]] isn't that common at college.
*Juan Williams: Usually shows up to replace Beckel if Beckel can't be there. He's a more capable debater and can counter the other hosts better. More [[centrist]] than liberal, and has said... controversial things about Muslims, and he's been accused of being something of an opportunist, becoming more conservative while on Fox and more moderate while at [[NPR]].<ref>http://www.npr.org/blogs/ombudsman/2009/02/juan_williams_npr_and_fox_news_1.html</ref> 
*[[Katie Pavlich]]: Yep, she's here too. A pundit so unhinged she warrants her own article about her descent into [[tin foil hat]] territory by embracing insane conspiracy theories and [[gun nut]]tery.
*Andrea Tantaros: Anti-feminist in the same vein as [[Phyllis Schlafly]],<ref>http://mediamatters.org/research/2013/06/06/fox-host-andrea-tantaros-war-on-women/194376</ref>who once stated that Obama allowed the torture report to be released because "America is awesome and he thinks that we're not awesome."

==See also==
*[[Glenn Beck]]
*[[Evil Liberal Science Conspiracy]]
*''[[Bill Maher|Real Time with Bill Maher]]'', a weekly television show which is the ideological opposite of the five (4 liberals and 1 conservative)

==External links==
*[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2014/01/15/with-one-terrifying-daily-show-segment-foxs-the-five-enters-the-realm-of-high-art/ "Big fucking mistake, Bob. How 'bout I take your suspenders and hang you by your balls?"]

==Notes==
{{reflist|group=note}}

==References==
{{reflist|2}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Five, The}}
[[Category:Conspiracy theorists]]
[[Category:Denialist organizations]]
[[Category:Islamophobia]]
[[Category:Murdochsphere]]
[[Category:Political pundits]]
[[Category:Propaganda]]
[[Category:Television programmes]]
[[Category:Murdochsphere]]

Categories: Conspiracy theorists, Denialist organizations, Islamophobia, Murdochsphere, Political pundits, Propaganda, Television programmes, Murdochsphere