Friend argument

[[File:ReaganGayFriends.jpg|thumb|right|165px|[[Ronald Reagan|An experienced bigot]]! Oh, boy!]]{{lognav}}{{cquote|I'm not a murderer; some of my best friends are alive.|||Sean Lock<ref>[https://www.facebook.com/comedy/videos/sean-lock-on-political-correctness-/698198935336049/ Sean Lock on Political Correctness] ''Facebook''.</ref>}}
The '''friend argument''' is an [[argument]] used by people who want to claim [[knowledge]] about and/or sympathy with a group, by referring to their "friends" belonging to this group. It is commonly used in a feeble attempt to clear and absolve oneself from suspicion of [[racism]], [[xenophobia]], or other kinds of [[bigotry]]. It is a particular form of the "[[I'm not prejudiced, but...|Not prejudiced, but…]]" statement.

Conversely, ''if'' the above argument — that "if you're close to somebody, you can't wish to do them harm" — were ''true'', one would expect to see ''far'' fewer (read: [[zero]]) [[Domestic violence|domestic abuse]] cases.

==Form==
{{syl
|2='''Y''', a friend of '''X''', is a distrusted minority.
|4=([[Enthymeme|unstated]]): If one is a bigot, one cannot have a friend of a distrusted minority.
|5=C|6=Therefore, '''X''' is not a bigot.
}}

==Examples==
{{hatnote|See also: [[I'm not racist, but...]]}}
*"I don't hate blacks. I have many black '''friends'''. But…"
*"I am not [[homophobic]]. I have a [[gay]] '''friend''', and he is OK. But…"<ref>[[VenomFangX]] - [http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=z3WBSQCrcjM#t=579s Why Morally Subjective Women Imbalance My Equilibrium] (VFX uses the "I have a friend but disagree with his lifestyle" gambit.)</ref>
*"Some of my '''friends''' are [[atheists]]. But…"
*"{{wpl|Eduard Bloch|Dr. Bloch}} is an Edeljude. If all Jews were like him, there would be no [[Jewish question]]." (This is paraphrasing a real [[Hitler]] quote.)

The friend argument is one of the laziest ways to try to worm out of accepting the responsibility for endorsing [[prejudice]]. The idea is that someone cannot be prejudiced if they have friends of that [[demographic]]; if they had a real prejudice against that full group, then none of them would be okay to hang around, and conversely, then that member of said group would no longer be their friend.

In a rather absurd example, someone can cite a specific example that excuses their general behaviour, for example "how can I be a [[Misogyny|misogynist]], I love my mother." — or, in an even more absurd example "I'm not [[sexist]] — after all, all of my girlfriends have been female." While this line of reasoning might be true for someone who genuinely doesn't have a general prejudice, it isn't a good argument to prove it — and it certainly doesn't absolve someone who actually does hold such a belief. Such argumentation can be used as 'evidence' that someone is not prejudiced, but this alone does not amount to 'proof'. The underlying [[Logical fallacy|fallacy]] is that [[One single proof|one single point of data]], [[Anecdotal evidence|this one "friend"]], completely overrides any other bits of evidence we have to assess someone's views. This is simply ''not'' valid reasoning. The presence (or not) of a prejudice is determined by what ''follows'' the "But…" in those above examples, not what comes ''before''.

Often, the excuse is accompanied by the fact that this hypothetical friend is "[[No True Scotsman|not typical]]" of the group being discriminated against. This would be like saying "I have a [[Muslim]] friend, he's not a typical Muslim because he doesn't fly planes into buildings," or "My friend is an [[atheist]] and he doesn't preach about it like [[Dawkins]]." This usually reveals more about where someone's prejudices towards a group stem from; [[anecdotal evidence]], [[selective reporting]] of the "bad" ones, or existing [[stereotype]]s. The fact is, a person attempting this argument is guilty of forming a prejudice against an entire group by only looking at a few examples that [[confirmation bias|confirm]] their views. The assertion that their friend is "not typical" could also be a way to cope with the [[cognitive dissonance]] of having negative prejudices against a certain group but at the same time enjoying a friendship with a member of such group.

Having a friend who belongs to a demographic that one hates isn't incompatible with a prejudice against that demographic — and this is the key to the fallacy. A prejudice is, by its etymology, a ''"pre-judgement"'' of someone, based on more general information that may not necessarily apply to an individual. This can be a relatively benign conclusion ("he's a gay man, he must like fashion") or it can be the considerably more negative ("[[Black brute|he's a black man, he's going to stab me]]"). However, once one has actually gotten beyond the stage of judging someone on prior knowledge, one can change one's mind about that individual. In many cases, this might overturn the prejudice entirely, but in the case of people using the friend argument, it has only overturned the prejudice against one individual, or maybe a few more. The prejudice, the pre-judgement against a group of people, still stands. This is why saying you have a friend in one particular demographic doesn't excuse racism, homophobia, or other prejudice; you can't have a pre-judgement about someone you already know, but you can still maintain your pre-judgement against people you haven't met.

The "friend" may really be a loose acquaintance, a [[pundit]] (especially one who [[Uncle Tom|sucks up to bigots]]), or even entirely imaginary and only act as a mouthpiece for the speaker's bigoted opinions about the "typical" member of the group in question, allowing them to justify their bigotry by pointing to the "friend"'s supposed authority, in this way combining the "[[one of the good ones]]" trope with a further fallacy. For example:
*[[Blaire White]] is every [[Transphobia|transphobe's]] favourite trans woman because she allows the transphobe to claim that most trans women are completely insane and then use the defense, "She's herself a trans woman so she must know!"
*Homophobes love [[Milo Yiannopoulos]] for his "politically incorrect" opinions about his fellow gay men. The bigot employs an advanced version of the friend argument here, which may be called the "Boomerang Bigot fallacy": "This person is themself a member of the group in question, so they can't be bigoted against the group!"

===The Confederacy's black friends===
A common claim found in [[Lost Cause of the South|Lost Cause]] tracts is that there were thousands of black soldiers fighting on the side of the [[Confederacy]]. The number is, of course, severely inflated. While cases of black Confederate soldiers can be found, the idea of entire black regiments is a [[myth]] and a number of Southern generals explicitly rejected this idea. In a number of these cases as well, black [[slave]]s and servants are re-spun as soldiers.<ref>[http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/20/revisionist-fourth-grade-history-thousands-of-black-confederate-soldiers/ Revisionist Fourth Grade History: "Thousands" of Black Soldiers], ''New York Times''</ref><ref>See also [http://cwmemory.com/tag/black-confederates/ Civil War Memory's category for "Black Confederates."]</ref><ref>[https://www.buzzfeed.com/adamserwer/the-secret-history-of-the-photo-at-the-center-of-the-black-c#.db95dByzZ The Secret History Of The Photo At The Center Of The Black Confederate Myth], ''Buzzfeed''</ref> Fewer than four hundred black soldiers were called up, near the end of the war as a desperation tactic. Most of them never saw combat, and a majority deserted for the Union lines. It could be said that these mythical soldiers were the Confederacy's "black friends".

===Hitler's Noble Jew===
{{cquote|I'm not anti-semitic. One of my best friends is The Jew.|||James Fritz<ref>https://twitter.com/fritzisdead/status/940464284202557440</ref>}}
Perhaps one of the most clear examples that can illustrate this fallacy is {{wpl|Eduard Bloch||.}} During his youth, Adolf Hitler was treated by Jewish doctor Eduard Bloch. He later treated Adolf's mother Klara Hitler for breast [[cancer]]; because of the poor economic situation of the Hitler family, Dr. Bloch charged reduced fees, sometimes taking no fee at all for his work. Despite the fact that Klara died, the young Hitler was very kind to him, even going as far as to declare his "eternal gratitude" for his actions. Indeed, in the following years, Hitler sent the doctor a postcard assuring him of such gratitude and reverence, even sending him handmade gifts like a large wall painting. Years later as a [[dictator]], Hitler frequently inquired about Bloch's well-being. Though Bloch initially was disturbed after Germany annexed [[Austria]] and his medical practice was forced to close, after sending Hitler a letter asking for help, he was placed under special protection by the [[Gestapo]], allowed to resume his medical practice, retain his passport, and remain completely undisturbed before he migrated to the [[United States]]. In fact, Hitler went as far as to claim that if all Jews were like Dr. Bloch, discrimination against Jews would be entirely unnecessary. Yet despite this, it didn't prevent the well-known discrimination and eventually [[Holocaust|genocide by Nazi Germany toward the overwhelming majority of Jews in continental Europe]], which is exactly the problem with this.

==See also==
*Friend arguments are equally receptive to the fallacy of [[guilt by association]]. See [[Grover Norquist]] and his attempts to court gay and non-white conversatives.
*[[I'm not prejudiced, but...]]
*[[One of the good ones]]
*[[Tokenism]]

===Want to read this in another language?===
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==External links==
*[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SomeOfMyBestFriendsAreX Corresponding article on ''TV Tropes'']
*[http://www.tnr.com/article/politics/90059/gop-rick-santorum-best-friend-defense A brief history of the "some of my best friends" defense], ''The New Republic''
*[http://freethoughtblogs.com/blaghag/2012/01/i-have-gay-friends/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+freethoughtblogs%2Fblaghag+%28FTB%3A+Blag+Hag%29 "I Have Gay Friends"], Blag Hag
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaGdwfykYGYb Rowan Atkinson sketch involving this argument]

==References==
{{reflist}}

{{logfal}}

[[Category:Fallacious arguments]]
[[Category:Informal fallacies]]
[[Category:Racism]]
[[Category:Homophobia]]
[[Category:Social justice]]

Categories: Fallacious arguments, Informal fallacies, Racism, Homophobia, Social justice