2008 United States presidential election

{{bronze}}[[File:ElectoralCollege2008.svg|right|thumb|300px|This map is primarily notable for not having [[Hillary Clinton|Clinton]] on it. Also...the fact that [[Indiana]] and [[Virginia]] are blue for the first time since 1964.]]{{uspolitics}}
[[Image:Candidates=Trains 2008.jpg|thumb|You choo-choo-choose me?]]
[[Image:USElections.jpg|thumb|right|A new spin on the above image.]]

The '''2008 U.S. presidential election''' took place on 4 November 2008. It was the first election since 1952 in which neither a sitting president nor sitting vice-president was errrr... standing, due to the fact that [[George W. Bush|the president]] had completed two terms in office and [[Dick Cheney|the vice-president]] was the most hated man in America and had publicly announced that he was not interested in running for president.<ref>[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/cheney-hell-no-i-wont-run/ Cheney: 'Hell No,' I Won't Run]</ref>

Any 
white
 [[Christian]] male millionaire associated with the [[Democratic Party|Democratic]] or [[Republican Party]] had a chance of winning.  By early March 2008, the Republican nominee was rich white old Christian male [[Senator]] [[John McCain]] and by June the Democratic field had been reduced to a rich Christian ''[[African American|black]]'' young male Senator, with a [[Hillary Clinton|rich Christian white ''female'' Senator]] waiting in the wings. However, [[Barack Obama]] became the Democratic "presumptive" nominee on June 3, 2008.<ref>[http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0608/10830.html Politico: Obama Locks in Democratic Nomination] June 3, 2008</ref> He then went on to win the election in a landslide, becoming the first person of color to assume the presidency.

==Issues==
===Iraq===
Long story short, Afghanistan is a stomach [[cancer]] operation, and Iraq is a nose job. Halfway through the procedure on the stomach, the patient told the surgeon to stop working, but keep the area irrigated, while he devoted his time and $12 billion a month working on the nose.<ref>[https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/CHRG-110hhrg39991/html/CHRG-110hhrg39991.htm THE GROWING BUDGETARY COSTS OF THE IRAQ WAR]</ref> The doctor kept making mistakes, and the nose kept getting more and more lopped off until it looked like one of those little noses in anime. Then the surgeon said he was going to quit in a few months, but the taxpayers could pick his replacement. An old white-haired surgeon said he liked the idea of just working on the nose, for a hundred years if that’s what it took.<ref>[https://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/02/14/mccain.king/ McCain defends '100 years in Iraq' statement]</ref> A young black doctor said the stomach cancer was about to metastasize and he promised to shift the whole operating team away from the nose job and just work on the stomach cancer.<ref>[https://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/15/us/politics/15text-obama.html Obama’s Remarks on Iraq and Afghanistan]</ref>  The nose fell off.

==="Mental Recession"===
McCain's reaction to the financial crisis is what sealed his fate: He first said that the fundamentals of the economy were strong.<ref>[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mccain-says-fundamentals-of-us-economy-are-strong/ McCain Says "Fundamentals" Of U.S. Economy Are Strong]</ref> And then decided to "suspend his campaign" to come to Washington and help resolve the crisis.<ref>[https://www.usnews.com/news/campaign-2008/articles/2008/09/24/mccain-suspends-campaign-shocks-republicans McCain Suspends Campaign, Shocks Republicans]</ref> By all accounts, while he was in the room he did virtually nothing to contribute.<ref>[https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95038824 Charting McCain's 'Suspended Campaign']</ref>

== Democratic Party candidates ==
[[Image:Pokemonelection08.gif|thumb|320px|right|Nintendo made a Pokémon game out of this event.]]

=== 
[[Joe Biden|Joseph R. "Joe" Biden, Jr.]]
 ===
After plagiarism charges knocked him out of the 1988 campaign,<ref>[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/barackobama/2607505/Joe-Biden-plagiarised-Neil-Kinnock-speech.html The Telegraph: Joe Biden plagiarised Neil Kinnock speech] August 23 2008</ref> he claimed at the time that it was a decision to concentrate on blocking the nomination of [[Robert Bork]] to the [[Supreme Court]].<ref>[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/joe-biden-plagiarism/ Did Joe Biden Drop Out of the '88 Presidential Race After Admitting to Plagiarism?]</ref> One of the two beloved by policy wonks everywhere, he wouldn't stand a chance. '''Dropped out after [[Iowa]]; still got more votes in [[New Hampshire]] than Gravel.'''

He was chosen by Obama as his [[vice president|running mate]] in August.

=== 
[[Hillary Rodham Clinton|Hillary R. Clinton]]
 ===
Critical of [[George W. Bush|Bush]] [[tax cut]]s and supported [[Kyoto Protocol]] ratification, opposed arctic drilling but somewhat protectionist, wanted to improve [[health care]], supporter of [[Israel]] and supported increased [[Secure the border|border control]], would leave all [[war|options]] open on [[Iran]] and voted for [[war]] in [[Iraq]] which she does not regret. Regarded as the [[Antichrist]] by [[conservatives]], whose media machines had been vilifying her nonstop since 1991, despite the fact that she was (except on health care) the most conservative Democrat running.

'''Suspended her campaign and threw her support behind Obama on June 7, 2008.''' 

There was talk that she had been angling for the vice-presidential post but was eventually chosen as Secretary of State by the Obama Administration.

=== 
John R. "Breck Girl" Edwards
 ===
Former unsuccessful candidate for both president and vice president in 2004. Had an expensive haircut once, which apparently, renders him unfit for the Presidency in the eyes of some conservatives. Focused on what he calls the "Two Americas", that is, the rich one and the poor/working/middle class one, and the increasing divide between them. Got caught [[adultery|catching some tail on the side]], too bad his wife was dying of cancer.

'''Dropped out after the [[Florida]] and [[South Carolina]] primaries.'''

=== 
[[Mike Gravel|Maurice "Mike" Gravel]]
 ===
Hey old timer, remember the 70s?  This rabble-rouser was in the U.S. Senate for two terms but lost his seat in 1980 during the [[Reagan]] sweep.  Pronounced "Gra-vell", not "Grav-l".  Excellent Halo player,<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dpg5sgKB7rU Elevator - Gravel's Gamertag]</ref> was ADAMANTLY opposed to the war in Iraq, and would bring the troops home immediately.  That's not the main reason he was running though, which was to promote a constitutional amendment to allow national initiatives and referendums.  Beloved by Dadaists for his surreal campaign YouTube videos (including [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rZdAB4V_j8 one of him], without saying a word, throwing a large rock into a lake and watching the ripples.)

'''Dropped out in late March to join the [[Libertarian Party]].'''

=== [[Barack Obama|Barack Hussein Obama]] - ''nominee and winner''===
[[John F. Kennedy]] reincarnated, according to some.  Of the three front-runners (see Clinton, H.R., and Edwards, Breck), he was the only one that did not start with national name recognition (But his name is quite short and easy to remember, so he quickly stopped being referred to as 'that black guy'.).  The fact that his middle name is [[Saddam Hussein|Hussein]] and his last name is similar to [[Osama bin Laden|Osama]] has been enough for some narrow-minded individuals to automatically reject him, and a great many narrow-minded individuals to try to equate him with bin Laden.

'''Elected as the 44th U. S. President on November 4, 2008.'''

== Republican Party candidates ==
[[File:Electionitems announce none 20081028 600x600.jpg|thumb|Go Magical Girl Biden! ...WTF?!?]]

===
John Cox
===
Self-made millionaire and former chair of the Cook County, [[Illinois]] Republicans.  Never elected to anything higher than school board. He ran (and lost) for Cook County Attorney, the U.S. House, and the U.S. Senate, so his next big move of course was to run for President. In New Hampshire he finished one vote behind joke candidate Vermin Supreme.
'''It is unclear when, but he "suspended his campaign" sometime in December 2007 and then "suspended his campaign" again in early 2008.'''

=== 
[[Mike Huckabee]]
===

<center><font color="red">'''''This candidate had RationalWiki's ironic endorsement for the Republican nomination!!!'''''</font></center>

A former [[Baptist]] minister, who regards the [[Bible]] as [[Biblical_literalism|literal truth]] and does not believe in [[evolution]] <ref>[http://www.guardian.co.uk/uselections08/story/0,,2209134,00.html Guardian on Huckabee] November 2007</ref> all while going so far as to say we should change the Constitution to reflect his views of The Bible. <ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D08Dq_iNMRk</ref> Also doesn't believe bumblebees should be allowed to fly, or [[Bumblebee argument|something like that]].<ref>https://natgeo.wild.com.ng/2018/06/12/scientifically-impossible-for-the-bumble-bee-to-fly-mike-huckabee-us-presidential-aspirant-2008-the-bumble-bee-explained-why-mike-huckabee-lied-and-failed-to-be-president/</ref> Interestingly, took a good deal of flak for his attempts as governor to mitigate the sentences resulting from [[Arkansas|Arkansas']] ridiculously punitive laws<ref>[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/04/documents-expose-huckabee_n_75362.html HuffPo: Documents Expose Huckabee's Role In Serial Rapist's Release] March 28, 2008</ref>. He once pardoned Keith Richards for a reckless driving charge that occurred about 20 years before he came to office. He won the [[Iowa]] caucus.

'''He dropped out following the [[Texas]] and [[Ohio]] primaries/caucuses March 4.''' Dang, RW lost its horse in the race!

===
Duncan Hunter
===
Profile: A Republican Representative from [[California]] since 1980, Hunter had the following views: anti-[[abortion]], anti-[[gay marriage]], anti-[[federalism]] (wanted to amend the [[Constitution]] to outlaw both abortion and gay marriage, no matter what an individual state might want to do), pro-[[gun]], anti-[[tax cut|tax]], anti-[[First Amendment]], pro-[[Israel]], anti-[[globalization]], anti-"sui solis", and anti-[[China]].<ref>This is a short condensation of his platform, from his website www.gohunter08.com</ref> According to The New Republic, he's the nicest wacko you ever met (which might be why he's tanking—if you're going to be crazy, you need real fire in your belly). '''Dropped out after [[South Carolina]]/[[Nevada]] primaries.'''

===
[[Alan Keyes]]
===
Seriously.

'''Dropped out in late March, the same day Mike Gravel did, to seek the [[Constitution Party]] nomination which he lost in a landslide, and tried to run as an independent.  Seriously.'''

=== 
[[John McCain|John S. McCain, III]] ''nominee''
===
[[Image:Tongue.jpg|thumb|right|Barack Obama. Cool enough to just ignore an elderly man making out with his imaginary friend.]]
'''Profile''': Former [[Vietnam]] [[POW-MIA|POW]]. Senator since [[YHWH|God]] was a teenager. Would have been older than [[Ronald Reagan]] was upon inauguration, if elected. Gave good guest on the Daily Show, and had a knockout performance on ''Saturday Night Live''.  Formerly considered a bi-partisan straight-talker, he had become more hawkish and cozier with [[Wingnut|loony]] evangelical leaders, thus resulting in the loss of his rights to certain hyphens. The press ignored his history of anger management issues because they liked the catering and schmoozing on his bus. 

'''McCain clinched the nomination on March 4.'''

=== 
[[Ron Paul|Ronald E. "Ron" Paul]]
===
Because two first names are better than one. '''Profile:''' [[Texas]] Rep. who wants to abolish [[abortion]], the [[IRS]], the [[income tax]], and the [[Federal Reserve]], reintroduce [[school prayer]], slash most federal spending, reintroduce the [[gold standard]], keep the gays from marrying, end the [[War on Drugs]], and get the U.S. out of Iraq. Has a huge online following which constantly vote-stuffs post-debate polls much to the dismay of [[Fox News]] analysts.
<br>
<br>
Could be a [[Dominionism|Dominionist]], could be a [[Libertarian]], it's not really clear. One thing's for sure: he is '''<big>WAY</big>''' out there.

'''Dr. Paul dropped out the race on 12 June 2008.'''

=== [[W. Mitt Romney|
Mitt "Mittens" Romney
]]===
'''Profile:''' Now firmly pro-life. Pro death penalty. [[Mormon]]. Pro abstinence education.  Anti same sex marriage.  He ran for governor of [[Massachusetts]] by, um, "hiding" most of these positions, then spent half his gubernatorial term preparing for his Presidential bid by running ''against'' Massachusetts around the country.  He saved the Salt Lake City Olympics from rampant corruption.  He became a multimillionaire running Bain Capital. President Mitt just doesn't sound right. He won in [[Wyoming]] but nobody cared.<ref>[http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22517585/  MSNBC: Will anyone notice the Wyoming caucuses?] January 5, 2008</ref> Won in [[Michigan]] where his dad used to be governor - big surprise.

Note: the following Romney quote was ''corrected'' before publication to make it make more sense:

"All of us on this stage are Republican. But the question is, who will be able to build the house that [[Ronald Reagan]] built - who will be able to strengthen that house, because that's the house that's going to build the house that Clinton, Hillary wants to build."

'''Dropped out after Super Tuesday.'''

===Joe the Plumber===
{{wpl|Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher}} {{lived|1973|2023}}, a small business man claiming to be a plumber from [[Ohio]] who, using a pseudonym, raised the specter of taxes<ref name = "Real Deal">{{cite news |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/17/us/politics/17joe.html |title=Real Deal on ‘Joe the Plumber’ Reveals New Slant |work=The New York Times |date=October 16, 2008 |author=Rohter, Larry. |accessdate=October 16, 2008}}</ref> in the presence of Barry the Senator. He spent his fifteen minutes of fame traveling with Juan the Senator and has been seeking a return to the limelight ever since.{{fact|joke}} In the meantime, he's been plunging the clogged sections of the [[Panama Canal]].

"Joe the Plumber" has since become a euphemism for "[[Ignorance|uninformed everyman]] who butts into discussions that [[Not even wrong|he is ''absolutely not qualified'' to participate in]] and [[Sealioning|offers opinions]] that have zero supporting [[evidence]] or connection to [[reality]]".<ref>[https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Joe%20The%20Plumber "Joe the Plumber"] on Urban Dictionary</ref>

==Libertarian Party candidates==
{{main|Libertarian Party}}
The top three candidates (by fundraising)<ref>[http://old.lp.org/libertydecides/ Libertarian Party]</ref> were:

===
[[Wayne Allyn Root]]
===
All about cutting taxes, cutting government spending, and opposing any form of [[universal health care]]. Claimed to support the [[First Amendment|separation of church and state]], but supports [[school prayer]].

===
Michael Jingozian
===
Supports an end to government corruption and two-party rule. His main concern was with politicians who put their own power (or their party) above that of the national interest. The only real policy plank available on his website was removing all special treatment for politicians.  

===
Daniel Imperato
===
Florida businessman whose only qualification for the job appears to be that he was an expert at spamming internet news sites with his press releases. He was in favor of additional fees on drug companies to be spent on people's health (which is, technically, a tax). Moreover, he wanted to preserve [[Social Security]] (through some kind of weird charity that would then be the only charity that was tax-deductible).  

'''Also in the running:'''

===
Steve Kubby
===
[[Medical marijuana]] activist.

===
Mary Ruwart
===
Author of ''Healing Our World'', a favorite book among Libertarians trying to promote libertarian ideas within the [[New Age]] movement.

'''Instead, the nomination easily went to:'''

===<strike>[[Bob Barr]]</strike>===
Former Republican congressman from [[Georgia]].  After [[9/11]] he turned into a critic of Bush, the [[Iraq War]], and the War on Terror, and joined the Libertarian Party.  He announced he was running for their nomination a couple of weeks before he won it. He tried to have McCain and Obama removed from the Texas ballot.

==Green Party==

===
Jared Ball
===
Unabashedly in favor of wealth redistribution on a large scale. (He basically advocated taking enough money from the wealthy to fix America's problems.) Also wanted to redeploy American troops abroad to New Orleans. Also wanted to repeal [[NAFTA]], pissing off our southern neighbor.  

===<strike>[[Cynthia McKinney]]</strike>===
Former Democratic Congresswoman from [[Georgia]]'s 4th district, and confirmed crackpot. She believed in several conspiracies, including those surrounding the Kennedy, [[Martin Luther King]], and [[Tupac Shakur]] assassinations. She has worked with a "9/11 Truth" group, which quite likely caused her to lose her Congressional seat. She once slugged a member of the US Capitol Police when he tried to stop her from going into a restricted area, because he could not see her badge which authorized her to be there. However, she also crafted articles of [[impeachment]] against Bush and Cheney. 
'''Won the nomination.'''

===
Kent Mesplay
===
Biomedical engineer and student of [[alternative medicine]]. Opposed the use of [[fossil fuel]]s, and wishes to ban the enrichment of [[uranium]]. Supported [[universal health care]] and a real solution to the "immigration problem": investment in the [[Mexican]] economy, both with large-scale investments and micro-lending to bring the standard of living there up, while at the same time making it easier for immigrants to come to the US. Also wished to institute "[[Instant Runoff Voting]]," where people rank their choices, rather than just selecting one person.

==''Other'' party candidates==

'''''Stop the presses!''''' [[Ralph Nader]] announced that he would be running for President again.

Just for laughs: '''[[Alan Keyes]]''' was going to run in November as an independent, after getting no attention at all in the Republican contest and then losing the Constitution Party nomination in a landslide.  He was on the ballot in one state: Colorado<ref name="politics1.com">[http://politics1.com/p2008-ballot.htm Presidency2008: Ballot Access]</ref>

'''Unity '08''' 
is
 was an attempt at launching a new centrist third party or fusion presidential ticket, possibly involving somebody like [[Michael Bloomberg]] or Joe Lieberman.  As for Bloomberg, he was in perpetual denial that he plans to seek the 2008 presidency as an independent, yet kept making moves that say otherwise.
'''Defunct - disbanded without ever agreeing on a candidate'''

'''[[Constitution Party]]''' -- Apparently the Constitution Party does not have primaries, but instead has a shadowy National Convention pick its candidates.<ref>[http://www.cpswva.20fr.com/about.html Constitution Party]</ref> However, a few lost causes ran including Don Grundmann, tax denialist and homophobe<ref>www.truthusa.org is his website, and it's rather loony. An archive can be found here: https://web.archive.org/web/20081219061255/https://www.truthusa.org/</ref> and Alan Keyes.<ref>Breaking News: Alan Keyes Wins Constitution Party Poll, top item on http://www.alankeyes.com (retrieved 3/9/08)</ref>  On April 26, 2008 the party convention chose [[Chuck Baldwin]], a [[Baptist]] preacher from [[Florida]], who thought that [[9/11]] was an inside job.

'''[[Communist Party USA]]''' -- No running candidates; instead decided to endorse another party's candidate (as it did in 2004 when it endorsed [[John Kerry]], which I'm sure he appreciated. You can bet that commies liked it even more). They seem desperate to shed all traces of their former Stalinism.

Speculation that the '''[[Reform Party]]''' would not be running a Presidential candidate, but would again endorse a minor-party candidate (as it did with Ralph Nader in 2004) turned out to be incorrect when they nominated somebody named Ted Weill as their 2008 nominee.  Weill was only on the ballot in Alabama and Mississippi.<ref name="politics1.com"/>  No, nobody here has ever heard of Ted Weill, either.  The Reform Party has split into about 9 hostile factions since 2000 <ref>Two different groups claimed to be the "real" Reform Party suing each other over the name, plus the Independence Party of Minnesota, the Independence Party of New York, the Committee for a United Independent Party (whose [[Social Therapy|leaders]] were expelled from the Independence Party of New York), the American Reform Party, the America First Party ([[Patrick Buchanan]] fans who took several state Reform Party chapters with them when they left), [[Transcendental Meditation]] advocate John Hagelin and his supporters (actually of the Natural Law Party but who tried taking over the Reform Party in 2000), and ol' H. Ross himself who seemed to have stepped out of the picture completely.</ref> which only goes to show the only thing they ever were was a disparate group held together by H. Ross Perot fandom that took to ripping each other to shreds as soon as Perot left the room.

The '''Natural Law''' Party apparently dissolved, and instead became a cult to [[Transcendental Meditation|Maharishi Yogi]] which is really what they always were anyhow.

'''[[Prohibition Party]]'''-- Nominated '''Gene Amondson''', a landscape painter and minister.  Likes to re-enact temperance sermons from the beginning of the 20th century.  His only campaign plank was to criminalize alcohol. 

'''[[Socialist Party USA]]''' -- Nominated '''Brian Moore''' in a convention.<ref>[http://www.votebrianmoore.com/issues.htm Brian Moore: Issues]</ref>  An interview on Fox News led many to believe that his beliefs, like the SPUSA platform, were all over the place. Also, he doesn't seem to know what the word "communism" means.

'''No Party At All''' has nominated Lee Mercer Jr.,<ref>[http://www.mercerforpresident2008.com Mercer for President 2008]</ref> but that's not stopping him.   Probably the greatest candidate for the Presidency this country ever saw, Lee's writing style is the very epitome of clear, cogent debate:   America needs The Man who will "Prove I have solved every crime in the world as it happens from zero to start to finish for every crime done in Business and Commerce Intelligence National and International", apparently.

The '''United Fascist Party''' ran [[Jackson K. Grimes]], again, as the sole member of said party.

== Results ==
<table style="width:60em; border:3px double rgb(55,55,165); background:rgb(215,215,215);" cellspacing=5>
<tr valign=top>
<td width=10%></td>
<td style="background:rgb(0,0,110); color:rgb(255,255,255); font-weight:bold;" align=center width=30%>
Barack H. Obama II (Democrat)
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(110,0,0); color:rgb(255,255,255); font-weight:bold;" align=center width=30%>
John S. McCain III (Republican)
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(55,55,55); color:rgb(255,255,255); font-weight:bold;" align=center width=30%>
Others<ref name="nominor">Does not include minor and local candidates</ref>
</td>
</tr>

<tr valign=top>
<td align=center>
Votes
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(165,165,255);" align=center>
69,447,084
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(255,165,165);" align=center>
59,925,610
</td>
<td align=center>
1,618,419<ref name="nominor"/>
</td>
</tr>

<tr valign=top>
<td align=center>
Math
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(165,165,255);" align=center>
53.0%
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(255,165,165);" align=center>
45.7%
</td>
<td align=center>
1.3%<ref name="nominor"/>
</td>
</tr>

<tr valign=top>
<td align=center>
[[United States Electoral College|EVs]]
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(165,165,255);" align=center>
365
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(255,165,165);" align=center>
173
</td>
<td align=center>
Ø
</td>
</tr>

<tr valign=top>
<td align=center>
44?
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(165,165,255);" align=center>
YES
</td>
<td style="background:rgb(255,165,165);" align=center>
no
</td>
<td align=center>
no
</td>
</tr>

<tr valign=top>
<td align=center colspan=4 style="font-size:75%;">
</td>
</tr>
</table>

== See also ==
*[[2012 U.S. presidential election]]
*[[2016 U.S. presidential election]]
*[[2020 U.S. presidential election]]
*[[Values Voter Debate 2007]]

==External links==
*For a British take on the situation have a look at [http://www.private-eye.co.uk/covers.php?showme=1201& Private Eye's] latest cover (11 Jan '08).
*[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/629/629/7360265.stm BBC Polltracker] tracks 4 polls.

==References==
{{reflist|2|90%}}

{{POTUS08nav}}

[[Category:2008 US Presidential Election| ]]
[[Category:United States presidential elections]]

Categories: 2008 US Presidential Election, United States presidential elections