Kookmobile

{{bronze}}[[File:Kookcar.jpg|thumb|right|165px|An anti-[[Catholic]], anti-[[Trinity]], and anti-[[United_States|American]] kookmobile, seen here featuring a "ship's mast" style nut pole. Obligatory [[666]] symbolism is also present.]]{{conspiracynav}}
{{hatnote|Not to be confused with the [[Clown car|establishment kookmobile]]. For the other type of 'nut pole', [[Penis|see here]].}}
{{cquote|[[2012 Benghazi attack|BENGHAZI]] FOUR DEAD! 9-11-12!<br>HONK TO IMPEACH [[Obama|OBAMA]]! TREASON|||Kookmobile bumper sticker [[word salad]] ([[Poe's Law]] in full effect)<ref>http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/File:Wingnut-Clowncar.jpg</ref>}}
A '''kookmobile''' is a vehicle plastered with what a normal person&mdash;never mind a traffic cop&mdash;would likely consider to be an excessive amount of signs, stickers, ropes, flags, and ornaments (and not during holiday season), all intended to advertise [[Alex Jones|the driver's views]] to the public in the most lurid and convincing way possible. It can be considered a vehicle variant of [[Haig's Law]], where the awfulness of the Kookmobile's appearance is directly proportional to the insanity of its contents and creator.

Kookmobiles may sometimes also incorporate a so-called '''nut pole''', i.e. a metal or wooden mast (often outfitted with various ropes and pulleys) from which signage, flags, and other assorted doodads may be hung on display. One benefit of a nut pole is that they make it very easy to find your car in a parking lot. 

Drivers of kookmobiles (especially of those bearing nut poles) may rightfully be assumed to be armed, dangerous, and [[Crank|cranky]], and should therefore be given a wide berth.

==Identifying a kookmobile==
Kookmobiles are not to be confused with {{wpl|Art car|art cars|;}} kookmobiles are ugly vehicles that obnoxiously express political or religious statements, whereas art cars are primarily humorous and/or artistic in nature. The same risk of misidentification is also inherent for ham radio cars,<ref name="Ham">[https://web.archive.org/web/20170618114207/http://forums.radioreference.com/attachments/community-announcements-news/41923d1372791770-fcc-opens-rulemaking-allow-encryption-amateur-radio-service-dsc01287.jpg Ham radio geek car]. Archived from the original at forums.radioreference.com.</ref> parade floats, and regular old sailing boats (which [[Teach the controversy|only venture onto land in order to mate]]).

If the car has a number on the sides and roof and the stickers are primarily automotive and tool companies, then that is not a kookmobile, that is a racecar.

If you overhear a person wearing baggy shorts stuffed with tins of {{wpl|Mr. Zog's Sex Wax|Sex Wax}} on their way to the beach call the vehicle they're driving a kookmobile, don't get excited. It's just surf lingo for an ordinary car or van, and the only thing kooky about it is exactly ''how cooked'' (or shall we say, "kooked") the barefooted driver is currently.

==What's kookin', mama?==
{{cquote|Out of gas? No problem. Raise the sails.|||An easily overlooked boon of having invested in a sufficiently tall nut pole<ref>http://rationalwiki.org/w/index.php?title=RationalWiki:Saloon_bar&diff=1698700&oldid=1698699</ref>}}
Kookmobiles (especially the flagship variants that boast mighty nut poles) can be understood as the [[crank]] element of society entering the already bloated American bumper sticker war. 

Most kookmobile displays involve [[Jesus]] and the [[Bible]]; however, adornments featuring everything from [[9-11|9/11 conspiracies]] to [[Second Amendment]] themes have been spotted in the wild.

==Stickers say the darndest things==
One [[Idaho]] couple created a kookmobile specializing in [[Homophobia|anti-gay]] messages. They told reporters they painted the insults on the side of their truck to "[[Argument by repetition|make sure they were getting their message across wherever they went]]".

Obvious spelling errors are a surprisingly common feature of kookmobile signage. Some of the [[Ethics|ethically dubious]] messages seen on the aforementioned couple's kookmobile include "[[Homosexuality]] is a [[sin]] & a [sic] [[abomination]]", "Just say NO to [[gay marriage]]", and&mdash;in a middle finger to [[Nietzsche]]&mdash;"God's not dead!" (or perhaps a salute to [[God's Not Dead|the awful film]]).<ref>[http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/meet-%E2%80%98christian%E2%80%99-family-taking-homophobia-road191014/#gs.0hPf5ko "A Christian family from the US have daubed homophobic graffiti all over their car which they drive around to stop homosexuality 'spreading like cancer'"], ''Gaystar News''</ref>

A (for that state, highly typical) [[Pennsylvania]] man created a [[Donald Trump|Trump]]-themed kookmobile that included the message "[[Not even wrong|Trump 4 Presadent]]". When asked why he misspelled the word "president", he claimed that "[[WAKE UP|everyone else is spelling it wrong]]". At that point, it probably seemed best not to ask why he misspelled "for".

Note that this particular kookmobile featured no lack of deluxe nut pole items, including these necessities of the road:<ref>[http://www.theprogressnews.com/news/local/clearfield-man-decorates-car-trump/article_7d10b3ff-0282-5590-8998-d9509cf71fd7.html Clearfield man decorates car 4 Trump] The Progress, Clearfield, PA</ref>

*A tiki torch
*A [[Hulk Hogan]] statue
*An exterior speaker system playing [[Goat|farm animal]] sounds
*Stuffed animal dolls
*Tiger slippers
*A [[Halloween]] basket
*A set of condiments
*Several fly swatters

An [[Ohio]] [[Tea Party]] enthusiast reportedly spent $32,000 to create his dream kookmobile. Jesus is conspicuously absent; however, the vehicle features luxurious ''twin'' nut poles, flying gigantic Trump and "Don't Tread On Me" flags, a "9-11 pilgrimage" display, as well as "Not A Gun Free Zone" and "Impeach Obama" slogans.<ref>[https://www.buzzfeed.com/bennyjohnson/the-most-tea-party-truck-ever?utm_term=.vv64YR2bp#.gvP1VXKkQ The Most Tea Party Vehicle In The Universe] Buzzfeed</ref>

A [[Michigan]] Trump supporter created the "Trump Unity Bridge", to "heal a fractured nation", and proceeded to drive it across half the continent, all the way to the Trump Inauguration. The bridge featured messages such as "LOCK HER UP 2017", demonstrating a truly deeply-held belief in constructively bridging the divide between the people who supported making "her" president and the Trump supporters.<ref>http://gothamist.com/2017/01/17/all_must_cross_bridge.php</ref> The bridge itself is uniquely famous, having been notably stolen and recovered 20 miles from its initial location 2 years prior to becoming the "Unity Bridge".<ref>http://people.com/crime/stolen-5000-pound-bridge-found-in-michigan/</ref>

==The Godmobile==
[[File:Brother Ron Kookmobile.jpeg|thumb|right|325px|Quote: "2 voices in every 1's head." Caption ends here because the joke wrote itself.]]
One well-known kookmobile has been a popular Milwaukee, [[Wisconsin]] fixture for at least 25 years. Known as the "Godmobile" (not to be confused with the Popemobile), it's operated by a local character called "Brother Ron".<ref>[http://marquettewire.org/3801031/tribune/tribune-news/brother-ron-driving-down-wisconsin-ave-for-jesus/ Brother Ron, driving down Wisconsin Ave. for Jesus] Marquette Wire</ref>

Like the legend of {{wpl|The Phantom||,}} there have in fact been numerous discrete incarnations of the Godmobile over the years. Every single one of the vehicles holding the title in question have been uniformly drenched in Bible verses and kooky sayings. Honorable mentions include:
*"GOD HAS A DRESS CODE; LADIES NO PANTS"
*"FAGS AN [sic] DIKES; DEMONS GOD DISLIKS [sic]"
*"THE US LIB GOV'T TERRY TODAY, YOU TOMORROW. IS NO BETTER THEN [sic] THE [[American Civil Liberties Union|A.C.L.U.]] IF WE STARVE [[Terri Schiavo case|TERRY SHIAVO]] TO Death".

At various times, the Godmobile has sported more objects:
*A jaunty central nut pole, capable of braving the mightiest winds
*A {{wpl|Sandwich board|sandwich board sign}}
*An array of super-creepy baby dolls
*Giant plastic [[Christmas]] candles
*A world globe
*A giant megaphone strapped to the roof (à la the {{wpl|Bluesmobile}}) which [[Asshole|the occupants used to shout diatribes at pedestrians]]

As such, Brother Ron's Godmobile even has its very own ''Yelp'' page.<ref>[https://www.yelp.com/biz/the-godmobile-milwaukee The "Godmobile" Yelp page]</ref>

==Kookmobile gallery==
===Kookmobiles===
<gallery widths=150px heights=150px>
File:Maga-kookmobile.jpg|The [[MAGA]] variant.
File:ReligiousNutCar.jpg|Typical kookmobile. Nut pole sold separately.
File:Nut pole2.jpg|Kookmobile with nut pole/bicycle rack combo. 
File:GAZ-21 (1st generation) "Volga" branded.jpg|Does a [[tankie]] kookmobile also count as a tank?
File:Kokoku Seinen-Sha Gaisensha.JPG|Even [[Japan]] has its own {{wpl|uyoku dantai|flavor of wingnut}} kookmobiles! Although {{wpl|Sound trucks in Japan|sound trucks}} are not solely used by wingnuts.<ref>[https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-deal-with-Gaisensha-in-Tokyo What's the deal with Gaisensha in Tokyo?], ''Quora'', September 9, 2012</ref>
File:Nut_pole3.jpg|Typical kookmobile, here seen luxury-equipped with a prominent nut pole.
File:Wingnut-Clowncar.jpg|Kookmobile display topics: [[crank magnetism]] at its finest.
File:IMG 1287.JPG|One of the tamer kookmobiles.
File:BrotherRon.jpg|One of Brother Ron's famous kookmobiles 
File:Kooktruck.jpg|"You have diseases on your body you have a nano computer chip on your body more than 200 years of computer diseases say no to terrorists. 21."
File:Trump_bridge.jpg|This Trump-themed kookmobile tows a bridge bearing messages of "unity" e.g. LOCK HER UP, BUILD THE WALL, and STOP ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION.
File:Kookmobile - Smoker Car.jpeg|This Kookmobile minivan is all about how awesome smoking and the owner's dogs are, while seat belts suck.
File:Bumper-sticker-car.jpg|A [[left-wing]] kookmobile: when the bumper stickers are creeping past the rear end, it's getting kooky,
File:Trump Kookmobile.jpeg|Kookmobile with a beautiful portrait of [[Donald Trump|Dear Leader]] on the back. 
File:Bomb Mecca Kookmobile.jpeg|A nice [[Islamaphobia|anti-Muslim]] variant.
File:Flat earther kookmobile.jpeg|Nice crossover between [[Flat Earth]] nonsense, Christian nonsense, and [[Area 51]] nonsense.
File:Crucifix nutpole.jpeg|Crucifix nutpole is best nutpole.
File:MAGABomber van.png|Cesar Sayoc's van.  (Sayoc was convicted of the [[2018 United States mail bombing attempts]].)<ref>[https://www.npr.org/2019/08/05/748420957/cesar-sayoc-florida-man-who-mailed-bombs-to-democrats-and-media-gets-20-years Florida Man Who Mailed Bombs To Democrats, Media Gets 20 Years In Prison] by Richard Gonzales (August 5, 20195:59 PM ET) ''NPR.''</ref>
File:Furry kookmobile.jpeg|Yes, a [[Furry]] kookmobile exists. Text: "I'd rather be {{wpl|Vorarephilia|vore'd}} by a dragon than vote for Joe Bidin{{sic}}"
File:Cancer dog kookmobile.jpeg|A much more literal example of a '''kook'''mobile claiming that [[Slippery slope|simply owning dogs will lead to]].........[[cancer]]?
File:Trump cult truck.jpeg|A MAGA kookmobile that is ''very clearly'' compensating for something.
</gallery>

===''Not'' Kookmobiles===
<gallery widths=150px heights=150px>
File:Ta1e mobile.jpg|A car with a ham radio antenna, '''''not''''' a kookmobile. Ham antennas often get mistaken for nut poles; however, some hams might be close enough in their views.<ref>[https://www.eham.net/speakout/opinions/523?page=7 Speak Out: Technical Merits] (2009-12-21) ''eHam.net Speak Out''</ref><ref>[http://www.backwoodsengineer.com/2015/02/backwoods-ham-radio-net-kook.html Backwoods Ham Radio Net: Kook Broadcasters & Submarine Comms] (February 2, 2015) ''The Backwoods Engineer''.</ref>
File:Cody Ware Sonoma 2018.jpg|Just a racecar.
File:Houston Art Car Parade 2004 entry.jpg|Kooky, but '''''not''''' a kookmobile: an art car. In a sense, it's actually not "[[Crank|kooky]]" ''enough''. 
</gallery>
{{clear}}

==See also==
*[[Whacker]]

==External links==
*[https://www.reddit.com/r/InfowarriorRides/ r/InfowarriorRides] on [[Reddit]]

==References==
{{reflist|2}}

[[Category:Conspiracy theorists]]
[[Category:Crank magnetism]]
[[Category:Transport]]

Categories: Conspiracy theorists, Crank magnetism, Transport