Writing prompt: Wang Lingling and Liu Lili

Student essay:
Wang Lingling's best friend is Liu Lili. They are both tall,but they are different from each other.
First,Wang Lingling has longer hair than Liu Lili. But they have the same straight black hair.
Second,they have different hobbies. Wang Lingling likes reading very much that she goes to the library every weekend. So,she writes well. Liu Linlin loves sports a lot that she does sports everyday for at least two hours. So,she looks very strong and healthy.
Third,Wang Lingling is more serious than Liu Lili. She never laughs to every one, and she never had jokes to others. But,Liu Lili is funnier than Wang Lingling. She always speaks funny stories to others.
But,they also have a lot in common.
Because they both are friendly to others and outgoing, they get popular in class.
On studying,Wang Lingling is more hard-working than Liu Lili. But,Liu Lili is smarter than Wang Lingling.
They both have a good grade.
Do you wanna make friends with them?

Corrected essay:
Wang Lingling's best friend is Liu Lili. They are both tall, but they are different from each other.
First, Wang Lingling has longer hair than Liu Lili. But they have the same straight black hair.
Second, they have different hobbies. Wang Lingling likes reading so much that she goes to the library every weekend. So, she writes well. Liu Lili loves sports so much that she does sports every day for at least two hours. So, she looks very strong and healthy.
Third, Wang Lingling is more serious than Liu Lili. She never laughs at anyone, and she never makes jokes to others. But Liu Lili is funnier than Wang Lingling. She always tells funny stories to others.
But they also have a lot in common.
Because they are both friendly to others and outgoing, they get popular in class. 
In studying, Wang Lingling is more hard-working than Liu Lili. But Liu Lili is smarter than Wang Lingling.
 They both have good grades.
Do you want to make friends with them?

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Wang Lingling likes reading very much that she goes to the library every weekend.
correct_sentence: Wang Lingling likes reading so much that she goes to the library every weekend.
error: very
correction: so
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: The fixed phrase “so...that” structure requires 『so』 instead of 〈very〉 to express a cause-and-effect relationship, meaning “so...that...”, indicating that the degree of the preceding situation or action leads to the occurrence of the subsequent result; therefore, 〈very〉 is changed to 『so』 to correctly express the causal relationship.

error_sentence: Liu Linlin loves sports a lot that she does sports everyday for at least two hours.
correct_sentence: Liu Lili loves sports so much that she does sports every day for at least two hours.
error: Linlin
correction: Lili
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: The name 〈Liu Linlin〉 is inconsistent with 〈Liu Lili〉 in the context; therefore, 〈Linlin〉 is changed to 『Lili』 to ensure name consistency.

error_sentence: Liu Linlin loves sports a lot that she does sports everyday for at least two hours.
correct_sentence: Liu Lili loves sports so much that she does sports every day for at least two hours.
error: a lot
correction: so much
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: The collocation 〈a lot that〉 is used incorrectly; the sentence after 〈that〉 needs to express a result. Here, 『so much』 should be used to connect the two parts, indicating degree; therefore, 〈a lot〉 is changed to 『so much』 to correctly express the meaning.

error_sentence: Liu Linlin loves sports a lot that she does sports everyday for at least two hours.
correct_sentence: Liu Lili loves sports so much that she does sports every day for at least two hours.
error: everyday
correction: every day
error_type: Adverb Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Adverb Error: 〈everyday〉 is an adjective meaning “daily” or “ordinary,” while here the adverbial phrase 〈every day〉 meaning “each day” is needed as a time adverbial; therefore, 〈everyday〉 is changed to 『every day』 to correctly express the meaning.

error_sentence: She never laughs to every one, and she never had jokes to others.
correct_sentence: She never laughs at anyone, and she never makes jokes to others.
error: to every one
correction: at anyone
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Preposition Error: The verb 〈laugh〉 should be followed by the preposition 〈at〉 to form “laugh at...”, which refers to laughing at someone or something; therefore, 〈to〉 is changed to 『at』. ② Pronoun Error: In negative sentences, we generally use 『anyone』 to mean “not any person,” while 〈every one〉 is usually used to emphasize each individual and is more often used in affirmative sentences or selective expressions; therefore, 〈every one〉 should be replaced with the indefinite pronoun 『anyone』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: She never laughs to every one, and she never had jokes to others.
correct_sentence: She never laughs at anyone, and she never makes jokes to others.
error: had
correction: makes
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to English grammar rules, “make jokes to someone” means to tell jokes to someone. The context is in the simple present tense; therefore, the past tense〈had〉 needs to be changed to the present tense 『makes』 to maintain tense consistency.

error_sentence: But,Liu Lili is funnier than Wang Lingling.
correct_sentence: But Liu Lili is funnier than Wang Lingling.
error: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, when the conjunction 〈But〉 directly connects to the main clause, no comma is needed; therefore, the redundant punctuation mark 〈,〉 is deleted to make the sentence structure smoother.

error_sentence: She always speaks funny stories to others.

correct_sentence: She always tells funny stories to others.

error: speaks
correction: tells
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: The verb 〈speak〉 is usually followed by a language or content (e.g., speak English), while “telling stories” should use “tell stories”; therefore, 〈speaks〉 is changed to 『tells』 to correctly express the meaning of narrating stories.

error_sentence: But,they also have a lot in common.

correct_sentence: But they also have a lot in common.

error: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, when the conjunction 〈But〉 directly connects to the main clause, no comma is needed; therefore, the redundant punctuation mark 〈,〉 is deleted to make the sentence structure smoother.

error_sentence: Because they both are friendly to others and outgoing, they get popular in class.

correct_sentence: Because they are both friendly to others and outgoing, they get popular in class.
error: both are
correction: are both
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Order Error: The adverb 〈both〉 should be placed after the be-verb 〈are〉; therefore, 〈both are〉 is changed to 『are both』 to conform to idiomatic expression.

error_sentence: Because they both are friendly to others and outgoing, they get popular in class.
 On studying,Wang Lingling is more hard-working than Liu Lili.
correct_sentence: In studying, Wang Lingling is more hard-working than Liu Lili.
error: 
On
correction: 
In
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: To express “in terms of studying” or “in studying,” the preposition 〈In〉 should be used instead of 〈On〉; therefore, 〈On〉 is changed to 『In』 to correctly express the meaning.

error_sentence: But,Liu Lili is smarter than Wang Lingling.

correct_sentence: But Liu Lili is smarter than Wang Lingling.

error: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, when the conjunction 〈But〉 directly connects to the main clause, no comma is needed; therefore, the redundant punctuation mark 〈,〉 is deleted to make the sentence structure smoother.

error_sentence: They both have a good grade.

correct_sentence: They both have good grades.

error: a good grade
correction: good grades
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: The subject 〈they〉 is plural; therefore, the singular form 〈a good grade〉 is changed to the plural 『good grades』 to correctly reflect that they have multiple grades.

error_sentence: Do you wanna make friends with them?
correct_sentence: Do you want to make friends with them?
error: wanna
correction: want to
error_type: Contraction Error
error_description: Contraction Error: 〈wanna〉 is an informal spoken contraction; in formal writing, the full form 『want to』 should be used.