Writing prompt: Sweeping Snow

Student essay:
It was snowing. I thought the view was beautiful. So I want to go out to see it and I wanted to take some photos.
When I saw the beautiful view I was so happy. I thought I should go outside to take photo to keep the view. When I went outside. I saw a boy fall down. So I thought the road was so slippy. I should walk carefully. I went to help him. He thanks for me. I decided to clean the road so that people didn't fall down. I went home and I took a boom. Then I can sweep the road.
When I swept the road I saw my neighbors they praised me. I was happy and I was glad to help people.

Corrected essay:
It was snowing. I thought the view was beautiful. So I wanted to go out to see it and wanted to take some photos.
When I saw the beautiful view, I was so happy. I thought I should go outside to take photos to keep the view. When I went outside, I saw a boy fall down. So I thought the road was so slippery. I should walk carefully. I went to help him. He thanked me. I decided to clean the road so that people wouldn't fall down. I went home and took a broom. Then I swept the road.
When I swept the road, I saw my neighbors and they praised me. I was happy and I was glad to help people.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: So I want to go out to see it and I wanted to take some photos.

correct_sentence: So I wanted to go out to see it and wanted to take some photos.

error: want
correction: wanted
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the entire sentence describes past thoughts and actions, so the past tense should be used. In the original sentence, 〈want〉 is in the simple present tense, which is inconsistent with the overall past tense context. Change 〈want〉 to the past tense form 『wanted』 to maintain tense consistency and conform to grammatical rules and semantic logic.

error_sentence: So I want to go out to see it and I wanted to take some photos.

correct_sentence: So I wanted to go out to see it and wanted to take some photos.

error: I
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: In the parallel structure “and I wanted to take some photos”, the subject 〈I〉 has already appeared before; its reoccurrence here causes word redundancy. In English expression habits, to make the sentence concise and fluent, the repeated subject should be omitted. Delete the second 〈I〉 to make the sentence expression more concise and natural.

error_sentence: When I saw the beautiful view I was so happy.
correct_sentence: When I saw the beautiful view, I was so happy.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English punctuation rules, a comma is needed to separate the adverbial clause of time 〈When I saw...〉 from the main clause 〈I was so happy〉; the original sentence lacks a comma. Add 『,』 after 〈view〉 to make the sentence structure clear.

error_sentence: I thought I should go outside to take photo to keep the view.
correct_sentence: I thought I should go outside to take photos to keep the view.
error: photo
correction: photos
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, “take photos” is a fixed expression meaning “to take pictures”, indicating multiple photos. In the original sentence, 〈photo〉 is in the singular form, which does not fit the context; it needs to be changed to the plural form 『photos』 to make the expression conform to semantic and grammatical rules.

error_sentence: When I went outside.
correct_sentence: When I went outside, I saw a boy fall down.
error: .
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The adverbial clause of time 〈When I went outside〉 needs to be separated from the main clause by a comma; the original sentence incorrectly uses a period. The 〈.〉 should be replaced with 『,』 to maintain sentence structure coherence.

error_sentence: So I thought the road was so slippy.
correct_sentence: So I thought the road was so slippery.
error: slippy
correction: slippery
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, it is clear that the intention here is to express “slippery”; therefore, 〈slippy〉 is a misspelling of 『slippery』. It needs to be changed from 〈slippy〉 to 『slippery』 to make the sentence meaning coherent.

error_sentence: He thanks for me.
correct_sentence: He thanked me.
error: thanks for
correction: thanked
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the tense is simple past; 〈thanks〉 is simple present, which does not meet the tense requirement and needs to be changed to the past tense 『thanked』 to maintain tense consistency; ② Preposition Error: The structure “thank for” should be followed by a specific thing, not a person; here, using 『thanked me』 directly is more in line with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: I decided to clean the road so that people didn't fall down.
correct_sentence: I decided to clean the road so that people wouldn't fall down.
error: did
correction: would
error_type: Auxiliary Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Auxiliary Error: When a “so that” clause expresses purpose, the modal verb 『would』 should be used to indicate future possibility; the original sentence incorrectly uses the past tense 〈didn't〉. It should be changed to 『wouldn't』 to express a hypothetical mood.

error_sentence: and I took a boom.
correct_sentence: I went home and took a broom.
error: I
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to English expression habits, in a structure connected by the coordinating conjunction 〈and〉, the subsequent subject 〈I〉 is a repetition of the preceding one. To make the sentence concise and fluent, the repeated subject should be omitted. Delete 〈I〉 to meet the requirements of concise English expression.

error_sentence: and I took a boom.
correct_sentence: I went home and took a broom.
error: boom
correction: broom
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, it is clear that the intention here is to express “broom”; therefore, 〈boom〉 is a misspelling of 『broom』. It needs to be changed from 〈boom〉 to 『broom』 to make the sentence meaning coherent.

error_sentence: Then I can sweep the road.

correct_sentence: Then I swept the road.

error: can sweep
correction: swept
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: The context describes past events; 〈can sweep〉 is in the simple present tense, which is inconsistent with the context. 〈can sweep〉 needs to be changed to the past tense 『swept』 to maintain tense consistency.

error_sentence: When I swept the road I saw my neighbors they praised me.
correct_sentence: When I swept the road, I saw my neighbors and they praised me.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The adverbial clause of time 〈When I swept...〉 needs to be separated from the main clause 〈I saw my...〉 by a comma; the original sentence lacks a comma. A 『,』 needs to be added between 〈neighbors〉 and 〈they〉 to indicate a pause in the sentence structure.

error_sentence: When I swept the road I saw my neighbors they praised me.
correct_sentence: When I swept the road, I saw my neighbors and they praised me.
correction: and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: In the original sentence, 〈I saw my neighbors〉 and 〈they praised me〉 are two coordinate clauses, but they lack a conjunction, leading to an incomplete sentence structure and incoherent meaning. According to English grammar rules, add the conjunction 『and』 between these two clauses to make the sentence structure correct and the logic clear.