Writing prompt: Whether Middle School Students Can Bring Mobile Phones to School

Student essay:
I am W. Hearing about your topic whether middle school students can bring mobile phones to school, I want to say something about it.
First of all, there are two benefits for students to bring mobile phones to school. One is that students can contact parents or friends easily. Secondly, it can bring fun to the students.
Although the mobile phones can do those two things, it also has many problems. Some students use mobile phones on class, it can interfere with the teaching. In addition, it influences other students study. Not only wasting time but also wasting money it is when the students use mobile phones to chat or text. Or some students play games even cheat. It is too bad for their studying.
So, I suggest that we shouldn't use it on class and play games even cheat. And it is expensive, so we should keep it safely. That is all I want to say.
Yours,
W

Corrected essay:
I am W. Hearing about your topic on whether middle school students can bring mobile phones to school, I want to say something about it.
First of all, there are two benefits for students to bring mobile phones to school. One is that students can contact parents or friends easily. Secondly, it can bring fun to the students.
Although mobile phones can do those two things, they also have many problems. Some students use mobile phones in class, which can interfere with the teaching. In addition, it influences other students' studies. Not only is it a waste of time but also a waste of money when students use mobile phones to chat or text. Some students even play games or cheat, which is too bad for their studying.
So, I suggest that we shouldn't use them in class, play games, or even cheat. And since it is expensive, we should keep it safe. That is all I want to say.
Yours,
W

Error analysis:
error_sentence: I am W. Hearing about your topic whether middle school students can bring mobile phones to school, I want to say something about it.

correct_sentence: I am W. Hearing about your topic on whether middle school students can bring mobile phones to school, I want to say something about it.

correction: on
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, when the noun 〈topic〉 is followed by content about a certain aspect, it needs to be paired with the preposition 〈on〉 to form the fixed expression 〈topic on〉; the original sentence 〈your topic whether...〉 lacks the preposition 〈on〉, resulting in an incomplete prepositional structure. Therefore, add 『on』 to complete the prepositional structure and make the sentence expression more accurate.

error_sentence: Although the mobile phones can do those two things, it also has many problems.
correct_sentence: Although mobile phones can do those two things, they also have many problems.
error: the
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy: According to English grammar rules, 〈mobile phones〉 here is a generic concept and does not require the definite article 〈the〉; therefore, the redundant determiner 〈the〉 is deleted to conform to usage.

error_sentence: Although the mobile phones can do those two things, it also has many problems.
correct_sentence: Although mobile phones can do those two things, they also have many problems.
error: it also has
correction: they also have
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: According to English grammar rules, the subject 〈mobile phones〉 is plural, and the predicate verb and pronoun need to maintain number agreement with it; in the original sentence, 〈it has〉 does not agree with the subject in number and should be changed to 〈they have〉 to ensure subject-verb agreement.

error_sentence: Some students use mobile phones on class, it can interfere with the teaching.
correct_sentence: Some students use mobile phones in class, which can interfere with the teaching.
error: on
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, the fixed phrase 〈in class〉 means 'in the classroom'; in the original sentence, the preposition 〈on〉 in 〈on class〉 is used incorrectly and should be changed to 『in』.

error_sentence: Some students use mobile phones on class, it can interfere with the teaching.
correct_sentence: Some students use mobile phones in class, which can interfere with the teaching.
error: it
correction: which
error_type: Relative Word Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Relative Word Error: According to English grammar rules, in the original sentence, 〈it can interfere with the teaching〉 and the preceding clause are two independent clauses and cannot be connected only by a comma. 〈it〉 needs to be changed to 『which』 to introduce a non-restrictive relative clause, referring to the situation 'Some students use mobile phones in class' from the preceding sentence, making the sentence structure correct and coherent.

error_sentence: In addition, it influences other students study.
correct_sentence: In addition, it influences other students' studies.
error: study
correction: ' studies
error_type: Noun Possessive Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Noun Possessive Error: According to English grammar rules, the noun 〈students〉 needs to be in the possessive form 〈students'〉 to mean 'students'', clarifying the possessive relationship; therefore, 〈students〉 in 〈students study〉 is changed to 『students'』; ② Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈study〉 here refers to multiple learning activities or aspects and should be in the plural form 〈studies〉 to match the group concept of 'other students'; therefore, 〈study〉 is changed to 『studies』.

error_sentence: Not only wasting time but also wasting money it is when the students use mobile phones to chat or text.
correct_sentence: Not only is it a waste of time but also a waste of money when students use mobile phones to chat or text.
error: wasting
correction: is it a waste of
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Sentence Structure Error: According to English grammar rules, when the 〈Not only...but also〉 structure is placed at the beginning of a sentence, 〈Not only〉 must be followed by an inverted word order; the original sentence 〈Not only wasting time...〉 does not use inversion, resulting in an inversion structure error, and should be changed to 『Not only is it...』; ② PoS Confusion: The gerund 〈wasting〉 in the original sentence leads to an incomplete sentence structure that does not conform to parallel structure; according to grammar rules, it should be changed to the noun phrase 『a waste of』 to make the sentence structure complete and meet parallel structure requirements.

error_sentence: Not only wasting time but also wasting money it is when the students use mobile phones to chat or text.
correct_sentence: Not only is it a waste of time but also a waste of money when students use mobile phones to chat or text.
error: wasting money it is when the
correction: a waste of money when
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Word Redundancy: In the original sentence, the structure 〈wasting money it is〉 is verbose; 〈it is〉 is a redundant component, has no actual meaning, and undermines the conciseness of the sentence structure. According to English expression habits, using the noun phrase 『a waste of money』 is more concise and fluent, avoiding structural confusion caused by gerunds; according to English grammar rules, 〈students〉 here is a generic concept and does not require the definite article 〈the〉, deleting the redundant 〈the〉 makes the sentence more concise and accurate, conforming to the generic context; ② PoS Confusion: In the original sentence, 〈wasting〉 is a gerund, leading to an incomplete sentence structure that does not conform to parallel structure. 『a waste of』 is a noun phrase, and 『a waste of money』 is a common collocation meaning 'a waste of money'; this expression better conforms to the requirements of parallel structure in English, making the sentence structure clear, grammatically correct, and avoiding structural problems caused by PoS confusion.

error_sentence: Or some students play games even cheat.
correct_sentence: Some students even play games or cheat, which is too bad for their studying.

error: Or some students
correction: Some students even
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Word Redundancy: According to contextual logic, the 〈Or〉 at the beginning of the original sentence is redundant, as the preceding sentence does not have a parallel structure requiring its connection; delete 〈Or〉 to avoid word redundancy; ② Adverb Error: According to English expression habits, the adverb 〈even〉 modifies 〈play games or cheat〉 and should be placed before 〈play games〉, i.e., 'Some students even play games or cheat', to make the semantic expression clearer and more accurate.

error_sentence: Or some students play games even cheat. It is too bad for their studying.

correct_sentence: Some students even play games or cheat, which is too bad for their studying.

error: even cheat. It
correction: or cheat, which
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈play games〉 and 〈cheat〉 need to be connected by the conjunction 『or』 indicating a parallel alternative relationship; the original sentence incorrectly uses 〈even〉 and should be changed to 『or』; ② Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, to make the sentence coherent, a comma should be used to connect 〈cheat〉 with the subsequent content; in the original sentence, the period in 〈cheat. It〉 is used incorrectly and should be changed to 『cheat, which』; ③ Relative Word Error: According to English grammar rules, add the relative word 『which』 to introduce a non-restrictive relative clause, supplementing the impact of the previously mentioned content; in the original sentence, 〈It〉 cannot serve this purpose and should be changed to 『which』.

error_sentence: So, I suggest that we shouldn't use it on class and play games even cheat.
correct_sentence: So, I suggest that we shouldn't use them in class, play games, or even cheat.
error: it on class and
correction: them in class,
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Pronoun Error: According to English grammar rules, pronouns need to agree in number with the nouns they refer to. In the original sentence, 〈it〉 refers to the plural noun 〈mobile phones〉, resulting in a number mismatch; 〈it〉 should be changed to 『them』; ② Preposition Error: According to English expression habits, the correct expression for 'in the classroom' is 『in class』; in the original sentence, the preposition in 〈on class〉 is used incorrectly and should be changed to 『in class』.

error_sentence: So, I suggest that we shouldn't use it on class and play games even cheat.
correct_sentence: So, I suggest that we shouldn't use them in class, play games, or even cheat.
correction: , or
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, in a parallel structure, to make the logical relationship clear, a 『,』 should be added after 〈play games〉; the original sentence did not add it, resulting in a vague structure; ② Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, there is a parallel alternative relationship between 〈play games〉 and 〈cheat〉, requiring the conjunction 『or』 for connection; the original sentence incorrectly uses 〈even〉 and should be changed to 『or』 to clarify the logical relationship.

error_sentence: And it is expensive, so we should keep it safely.
correct_sentence: And since it is expensive, we should keep it safe.
correction: since
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules and contextual logic, using 〈And〉 to connect in the original sentence cannot clearly express the causal relationship; add 『since』 to introduce an adverbial clause of reason, clarifying the causal relationship between 'it is expensive' and 'we should keep it', avoiding the direct splicing of two independent clauses.

error_sentence: And it is expensive, so we should keep it safely.
correct_sentence: And since it is expensive, we should keep it safe.
error: so
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈since〉 already clearly expresses the causal relationship, and the redundant 〈so〉 would cause a repeated connection. Therefore, delete 〈so〉 to ensure the sentence logic is clear and grammatically correct.

error_sentence: And it is expensive, so we should keep it safely.
correct_sentence: And since it is expensive, we should keep it safe.
error: safely
correction: safe
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion: According to English grammar rules, 〈keep〉 is followed by an adjective as an object complement; in the original sentence, 〈safely〉 is an adverb and is used incorrectly; it should be changed to the adjective 『safe』 to make the sentence structure correct.