Writing prompt: Should We Keep Animals in Zoos?

Student essay:
Yesterday,our class started a discussion about whether animals should be kept in zoos.And I will tell you the results we discussed yesterday.
Forty percent of students thought that we should keep animals in zoos.On the one hand,they thought that people can see a great variety of animals.On the other hand,animals can be taken good care of by keepers in zoos.And sixty percent of students didn't agree with them.I think they thought the animals are the members of the nature so they may like to live in the wild.And if they are kept in cages they will not only lose their freedom but also difficult to move.
I support the second view.Because,the animals just like human,all of us may have our own life,and every life should have its own freedom.Otherwise,they will not become happiler and happiler.
How to protect the animals?Please stop killing and eating animals.Let's protect the animals now.

Corrected essay:
Yesterday, our class started a discussion about whether animals should be kept in zoos. And I will tell you the results we discussed yesterday.
Forty percent of students thought that we should keep animals in zoos. On the one hand, they thought that people could see a great variety of animals. On the other hand, animals can be taken good care of by keepers in zoos. And sixty percent of students didn't agree with them. I think they thought animals are members of nature so they may like to live in the wild. And if they are kept in cages they will not only lose their freedom but also find it difficult to move.
I support the second view because animals, just like humans, all have their own life, and every life should have its own freedom. Otherwise, they will not become happier and happier.
How can we protect the animals? Please stop killing and eating animals. Let's protect the animals now.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: On the one hand,they thought that people can see a great variety of animals.
correct_sentence: On the one hand, they thought that people could see a great variety of animals.
error: can
correction: could
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, but 〈can〉 in the original sentence is in the simple present tense; therefore, 〈can〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『could』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: I think they thought the animals are the members of the nature
correct_sentence: I think they thought animals are members of nature
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 〈the〉 indicates specificity, but when referring to animals in nature as a whole in a general sense, 〈the〉 should not be added; therefore, delete 〈the〉 to make the expression more concise.

error_sentence: I think they thought the animals are the members of the nature
correct_sentence: I think they thought animals are members of nature
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 〈the〉 indicates specificity, but when referring to members in a general sense, 〈the〉 should not be added; therefore, delete 〈the〉 to make the expression more concise.

error_sentence: I think they thought the animals are the members of the nature
correct_sentence: I think they thought animals are members of nature
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈nature〉 as an abstract concept usually does not take an article; therefore, 〈the〉 needs to be deleted from 〈the nature〉 to comply with English grammar rules.

error_sentence: And if they are kept in cages they will not only lose their freedom but also difficult to move.

correct_sentence: And if they are kept in cages they will not only lose their freedom but also find it difficult to move.

correction: find it
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'find it difficult to move'; the phrase 〈difficult to move〉 lacks the necessary verb to connect the subject 〈they〉 and the adjective 〈difficult〉, so it is changed to 『find it difficult』 to complete the meaning of the sentence.

error_sentence: I support the second view. Because,the animals just like human,all of us may have our own life,and every life should have its own freedom.
correct_sentence: I support the second view because animals, just like humans, all have their own life, and every life should have its own freedom.
error: .Because,the animals
correction: because animals,
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, an adverbial clause of reason introduced by 〈Because〉 cannot stand as an independent sentence and needs to be merged with the main clause; therefore, 〈.Because,〉 needs to be changed to 『because animals,』 to conform to the expression; ② Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 〈the〉 indicates specificity, but when referring to animals in nature as a whole in a general sense, 〈the〉 should not be added; therefore, delete 〈the〉 to make the expression more concise; ③ Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, the original sentence is missing a 『,』; therefore, a 『,』 needs to be added after 〈animals〉 to conform to English writing conventions.

error_sentence: Because,the animals just like human,all of us may have our own life,and every life should have its own freedom.
correct_sentence: I support the second view because animals, just like humans, all have their own life, and every life should have its own freedom.
error: human
correction: humans
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, the noun 〈human〉 in the sentence refers to humanity as a whole and should be in the plural form; therefore, 〈human〉 is changed to 『humans』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: Because,the animals just like human,all of us may have our own life,and every life should have its own freedom.
correct_sentence: I support the second view because animals, just like humans, all have their own life, and every life should have its own freedom.
error: of us may have our
correction: have their
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Word Redundancy Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'all have their own lives'; the original phrase 〈have our own life〉 is structurally complete, so the redundant 〈of us〉 needs to be deleted to make the sentence more concise and clear; ② Pronoun Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'their lives'; the original pronoun 〈our〉 is first person, which does not fit the meaning, so 〈our〉 needs to be changed to 『their』 to fit the meaning.

error_sentence: Otherwise,they will not become happiler and happiler.

correct_sentence: Otherwise, they will not become happier and happier.

error: happiler and happiler
correction: happier and happier
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, the intention here is to express 'happier'; therefore, 〈happiler and happiler〉 is a misspelling of 『happier and happier』 and needs to be changed to 『happier and happier』 to make the sentence flow smoothly.

error_sentence: How to protect the animals?Please stop killing and eating animals.
correct_sentence: How can we protect the animals?
error: to
correction: can we
error_type: Auxiliary Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Auxiliary Error: According to the context, the interrogative phrase 〈How to protect...〉 is missing an auxiliary verb; therefore, 〈How to〉 needs to be changed to 『How can we』 to form a complete interrogative structure and fit the context.

error_sentence: How to protect the animals?Please stop killing and eating animals.
correct_sentence: How can we protect the animals? Please stop killing and eating animals.
error: animals?Please
correction: animals? Please
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to English writing conventions, there should be a space between punctuation and a word; the original phrase 〈animals?Please〉 is missing a space, so 〈animals?Please〉 needs to be changed to 『animals? Please』 to comply with writing conventions.