Writing prompt: Should We Keep Animals in Zoos?

Student essay:
There was a discussion in our English class. It's about keeping animals in zoos.
Up to 40% of us thought that we should keep animals in zoos, because person can see a great variety of animals. What's more, in zoos, animals are taken good care of by the zoo keepers. The most important, they have enough food to eat and never feel worried about dangerous.
Other 60% of us disagreed. Animals prefer living in nature to staying in cages. They have less freedom than in the forest. Although it's safe, it's bad for them to move.
In my opinion, keeping animals in zoos is a good way to stop hunters from killing them for business. In accordance with the science reports, animals kept in zoos can live a longer life than in the forest. We mustn't cut down trees and destroy animals' homes. We should try our best to protect them.

Corrected essay:
There was a discussion in our English class. It's about keeping animals in zoos.
Up to 40% of us thought that we should keep animals in zoos, because people can see a great variety of animals. What's more, in zoos, animals are taken good care of by the zookeepers. Most importantly, they have enough food to eat and never feel worried about danger.
Other 60% of us disagreed. Animals prefer living in nature to staying in cages. They have less freedom than in the forest. Although it's safe, it's bad for them to move.
In my opinion, keeping animals in zoos is a good way to stop hunters from killing them for business. In accordance with the science reports, animals kept in zoos can live a longer life than in the forest. We mustn't cut down trees and destroy animals' homes. We should try our best to protect them.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Up to 40% of us thought that we should keep animals in zoos, because person can see a great variety of animals.
correct_sentence: Up to 40% of us thought that we should keep animals in zoos, because people can see a great variety of animals.
error: person
correction: people
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: 〈person〉 is a singular form, used to refer to a single individual, while the sentence context expresses the plural concept of “people”; based on the plural logic of the preceding 〈40% of us〉, 〈person〉 is therefore changed to 『people』 to meet semantic requirements.

error_sentence: What's more, in zoos, animals are taken good care of by the zoo keepers. The most important, they have enough food to eat and never feel worried about dangerous.

correct_sentence: What's more, in zoos, animals are taken good care of by the zookeepers. Most importantly, they have enough food to eat and never feel worried about danger.

error: zoo keepers. The most important
correction: zookeepers. Most importantly
error_type: Adverb Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Spelling Error: The compound noun 〈zoo keepers〉 should be written as 『zookeepers』; ② Adverb Error: When 〈The most important〉 acts as an adverbial phrase modifying the entire sentence, the adverbial form 『Most importantly』 should be used and does not require an article.

error_sentence: The most important, they have enough food to eat and never feel worried about dangerous.

correct_sentence: Most importantly, they have enough food to eat and never feel worried about danger.

error: dangerous
correction: danger
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: The preposition 〈about〉 should be followed by a noun as its object, whereas 〈dangerous〉 is an adjective; therefore, 〈dangerous〉 is changed to 『danger』 to conform to the grammatical structure “worried about + noun”.