Writing prompt: The Early Bird Catches the Worm

Student essay:
Every one want to be triumphant,but only a few of them can make a great prosperity.Why? Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.So of the greatest importance is your diligence.
When I was a middle school student,my study was so terrible that nobody intended to make friends with me.I was excessively lazy about the study.Then Mr Li who was my class teacher told me that the Senior Entrance Exam was critical to my success and if I was diligent ,the alternative were that I would do well.
Since then I got rid of the bad habit and learning more conscientious.From then on I was always wrapped in books,neglecting sleep and meals.Under the circumstances,I cannot learning unduly much.Because of this ,I was allowed to a vital school.
Lastly, I tend to tell you that if you are assiduous ,whatever you intend to do will be triumphant.

Corrected essay:
Everyone wants to be triumphant, but only a few of them can make great prosperity. Why? Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. So, of the greatest importance is your diligence.
When I was a middle school student, my study was so terrible that nobody intended to make friends with me. I was excessively lazy about the study. Then Mr. Li, who was my class teacher, told me that the Senior High School Entrance Exam was critical to my success and that if I was diligent, I would do well.
Since then, I got rid of the bad habit and learned more conscientiously. From then on, I was always engrossed in books, neglecting sleep and meals. Under the circumstances, I could not learn much more. Because of this, I was admitted to a vital school.
Lastly, I tend to tell you that if you are assiduous, whatever you intend to do will be triumphant.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Every one want to be triumphant,but only a few of them can make a great prosperity.
correct_sentence: Everyone wants to be triumphant, but only a few of them can make great prosperity.
error: Every one want
correction: Everyone wants
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Pronoun Error: 『Everyone』 should be used here to mean "each person", so 〈Every one〉 is changed to 『Everyone』 to conform to grammatical logic; ② Subject-Verb Agreement Error: The subject 『Everyone』 is third-person singular and needs to be matched with the third-person singular form of the verb, so 〈want〉 is changed to 『wants』 to comply with subject-verb agreement rules.

error_sentence: Every one want to be triumphant,but only a few of them can make a great prosperity.
correct_sentence: Everyone wants to be triumphant, but only a few of them can make great prosperity.
error: a
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: The uncountable noun 〈prosperity〉 should not be preceded by an indefinite article, so 〈a〉 is deleted to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.
correct_sentence: Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
error: ,
correction: and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: The parallel structures 〈one percent inspiration〉 and 〈ninety-nine percent perspiration〉 need to be connected by a conjunction, so 〈,〉 is changed to 『and』 to express the complete meaning.

error_sentence: So of the greatest importance is your diligence.

correct_sentence: So, of the greatest importance is your diligence.

correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: When the adverb 〈So〉 introduces a sentence, it needs to be followed by a comma for separation, so 『,』 is added after 〈So〉 to conform to writing conventions and emphasize semantic division.

error_sentence: Then Mr Li who was my class teacher told me that the Senior Entrance Exam was critical to my success and if I was diligent ,the alternative were that I would do well.

correct_sentence: Then Mr. Li, who was my class teacher, told me that the Senior High School Entrance Exam was critical to my success and that if I was diligent, I would do well.

error: Mr Li
correction: Mr. Li,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: Non-restrictive relative clauses need to be set off by commas, so 『,』 is added after 〈Mr Li〉 to separate the clause part.

error_sentence: Then Mr Li who was my class teacher told me that the Senior Entrance Exam was critical to my success and if I was diligent ,the alternative were that I would do well.

correct_sentence: Then Mr. Li, who was my class teacher, told me that the Senior High School Entrance Exam was critical to my success and that if I was diligent, I would do well.

correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: Non-restrictive relative clauses need to be set off by commas, so 『,』 is added after 〈teacher〉 to separate the clause part.

error_sentence: Then Mr Li who was my class teacher told me that the Senior Entrance Exam was critical to my success and if I was diligent ,the alternative were that I would do well.

correct_sentence: Then Mr. Li, who was my class teacher, told me that the Senior High School Entrance Exam was critical to my success and that if I was diligent, I would do well.

correction: High School
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: Considering the context, it is clear that "high school entrance exam" is intended here; 〈Senior Entrance Exam〉 is incomplete, so 『High School』 is added after 〈Senior〉.

error_sentence: Then Mr Li who was my class teacher told me that the Senior Entrance Exam was critical to my success and if I was diligent ,the alternative were that I would do well.

correct_sentence: Then Mr. Li, who was my class teacher, told me that the Senior High School Entrance Exam was critical to my success and that if I was diligent, I would do well.

correction: that
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, parallel structures in an object clause need to be connected by a conjunction, so 『that』 is added before 〈if〉 to maintain sentence structural integrity.

error_sentence: Then Mr Li who was my class teacher told me that the Senior Entrance Exam was critical to my success and if I was diligent ,the alternative were that I would do well.

correct_sentence: Then Mr. Li, who was my class teacher, told me that the Senior High School Entrance Exam was critical to my success and that if I was diligent, I would do well.

error: the alternative were that
error_type: Sentence Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Sentence Redundancy Error: 〈the alternative were that〉 causes confusion in meaning, so 〈the alternative were that〉 is deleted to maintain semantic clarity.

error_sentence: Since then I got rid of the bad habit and learning more conscientious.
correct_sentence: Since then, I got rid of the bad habit and learned more conscientiously.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The time adverbial 〈Since then〉 needs to be followed by a comma to separate it from the main clause, so 〈,〉 is added after 〈then〉 to enhance sentence fluency.

error_sentence: Since then I got rid of the bad habit and learning more conscientious.
correct_sentence: Since then, I got rid of the bad habit and learned more conscientiously.
error: learning more conscientious
correction: learned more conscientiously
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: This part describes a past event and requires the past tense, so 〈learning〉 is changed to 『learned』 to conform to the contextual tense; ② PoS Confusion Error: An adverb is needed here to modify the verb 『learned』, so 〈conscientious〉 is changed to 『conscientiously』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: From then on I was always wrapped in books,neglecting sleep and meals.
correct_sentence: From then on, I was always engrossed in books, neglecting sleep and meals.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The time adverbial 〈From then on〉 needs to be followed by a comma to separate it from the main clause, so 〈,〉 is added after 〈on〉 to make the sentence structure standard.

error_sentence: From then on I was always wrapped in books,neglecting sleep and meals.
correct_sentence: From then on, I was always engrossed in books, neglecting sleep and meals.
error: wrapped
correction: engrossed
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: The verb 〈wrapped〉 is not suitable for expressing the meaning of being focused on books, so 〈wrapped〉 is changed to 『engrossed』 to accurately convey the state of immersion.

error_sentence: Under the circumstances,I cannot learning unduly much.
correct_sentence: Under the circumstances, I could not learn much more.
error: cannot learning unduly much
correction: could not learn much more
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: This part describes a past event and requires the past tense, so 〈cannot〉 is changed to 『could not』 to conform to the contextual tense; ② Nonfinite Verb Form Error: Modal verbs should be followed by the base form of the verb, so 〈learning〉 is changed to 『learn』 to comply with grammatical rules; ③ Word Redundancy Error: 〈unduly much〉 is a redundant expression and can be simplified to 『much more』, meaning "much more", so 〈unduly much〉 is changed to 『much more』 to make the meaning clear.

error_sentence: Because of this ,I was allowed to a vital school.

correct_sentence: Because of this, I was admitted to a vital school.

error: allowed
correction: admitted
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: The verb 〈allowed〉 is not suitable for expressing the meaning of being admitted; for school admission, the fixed phrase “be admitted to” should be used, so 〈allowed〉 is changed to 『admitted』 to make the meaning clear.