Writing prompt: Should We Keep Animals in Zoos?

Student essay:
Yesterday, a topic about animals was discussed by my classmates in the English class.
Forty percent of them thought that we should keep animals in zoos. More kinds of animals will be seen and taken good care of, if they are in the zoos. However, the rest don't agree with them. In their opinions, animals have lived in the nature for a long time. They prefer living in the nature to living in zoos. They can't move around freely in the cage.
Personally, I think we can't say that two points of views are true or false. To some endangered animals, they can't protect themselves well in the nature. They will be killed for their fur or meat by other animals and people. In this case, the amount of them will become smaller and smaller. Maybe one day, they will disappear on the earth forever. On the other hand, keeping common animals in zoos may make them feel nervous. They will be in bad health.
In a word, I think it is necessary for endangered animals to protect in zoos, but other animals shouldn't be kept in zoos.

Corrected essay:
Yesterday, a topic about animals was discussed by my classmates in the English class.
Forty percent of them thought that we should keep animals in zoos. More kinds of animals will be seen and taken good care of, if they are in zoos. However, the rest didn't agree with them. In their opinion, animals have lived in nature for a long time. They prefer living in nature to living in zoos. They can't move around freely in the cage.
Personally, I think we can't say that two points of view are true or false. For some endangered animals, they can't protect themselves well in nature. They will be killed for their fur or meat by other animals and people. In this case, the amount of them will become smaller and smaller. Maybe one day, they will disappear from the earth forever. On the other hand, keeping common animals in zoos may make them feel nervous. They will be in bad health.
In a word, I think it is necessary for endangered animals to be protected in zoos, but other animals shouldn't be kept in zoos.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: More kinds of animals will be seen and taken good care of, if they are in the zoos.
correct_sentence: More kinds of animals will be seen and taken good care of, if they are in zoos.
error: the
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Word Redundancy: 〈zoos〉 is a general concept and does not require an article, as it refers to all zoos rather than specific ones; therefore, 〈the〉 is deleted to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: However, the rest don't agree with them.
correct_sentence: However, the rest didn't agree with them.
error: do
correction: did
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: This describes a past event, so the verb should be in the past tense; therefore, 〈do〉 is changed to 『did』 to match the contextual tense.

error_sentence: In their opinions, animals have lived in the nature for a long time.
correct_sentence: In their opinion, animals have lived in nature for a long time.
error: opinions
correction: opinion

error_sentence: In their opinions, animals have lived in the nature for a long time.
correct_sentence: In their opinion, animals have lived in nature for a long time.
error: the
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Word Redundancy: When 〈nature〉 is used as an abstract concept, it does not require an article; therefore, 〈the〉 is deleted to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: They prefer living in the nature to living in zoos.
correct_sentence: They prefer living in nature to living in zoos.
error: the
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Word Redundancy: When 〈nature〉 is used as an abstract concept, it does not require an article; therefore, 〈the〉 is deleted to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: Personally, I think we can't say that two points of views are true or false.
correct_sentence: Personally, I think we can't say that two points of view are true or false.
error: views
correction: view
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: The plural form of “point of view” is 『points of view』; therefore, 〈views〉 is changed to 『view』 to conform to idiomatic expression.

error_sentence: To some endangered animals, they can't protect themselves well in the nature.
correct_sentence: For some endangered animals, they can't protect themselves well in nature.
error: To
correction: For
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: When expressing “for...” followed by a noun phrase, 『For』 should be used; therefore, 〈To〉 is changed to 『For』 to conform to idiomatic expression.

error_sentence: To some endangered animals, they can't protect themselves well in the nature.
correct_sentence: For some endangered animals, they can't protect themselves well in nature.
error: the
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Word Redundancy: When 〈nature〉 is used as an abstract concept, it does not require an article; therefore, 〈the〉 is deleted to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: Maybe one day, they will disappear on the earth forever.
correct_sentence: Maybe one day, they will disappear from the earth forever.
error: on
correction: from
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: This expresses “disappear from the earth,” so 『from』 should be used; therefore, 〈on〉 is changed to 『from』 to ensure semantic accuracy.

error_sentence: In a word, I think it is necessary for endangered animals to protect in zoos, but other animals shouldn't be kept in zoos.
correct_sentence: In a word, I think it is necessary for endangered animals to be protected in zoos, but other animals shouldn't be kept in zoos.
error: protect
correction: be protected
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Voice Error: The logical subject 〈endangered animals〉 is the recipient of the action, requiring the passive voice; therefore, 〈protect〉 is changed to 『be protected』 to express that “endangered animals are protected in zoos”.