Writing prompt: Post 90's Generation

Student essay:
At these time,I have just read an article about teenagers. Today,I want to discuss this problem with you.
There are some advantages on them. Almost all of them are so curious that everything wants to be known. At this time,they start to depend on themselves. They want to be in dependence instead of acting a little child around their parents. The most different is that they have many new opinions,even these opinions can't be understood by adults.
On the other hand,they also have some disadvantages. For example,they want to have someone prepared everything for them. Sometimes they only care about themselves,and they can't understand others' opinions. They also want to relax themselves all the time and live in a comfortable life without working hard.
In my opinion,I think they deserve a praise for their minds which are really valuable. At the same time,I also want to criticize them from being supposed to only care about themselves and relax themselves all the time instead of working hard.

Corrected essay:
Recently, I have just read an article about teenagers. Today, I want to discuss this problem with you.
There are some advantages to them. Almost all of them are so curious that they want to know everything. At this time, they start to depend on themselves. They want to be independent instead of acting like a little child around their parents. The most different is that they have many new opinions, but these opinions can't be understood by adults.
On the other hand, they also have some disadvantages. For example, they want to have someone prepare everything for them. Sometimes they only care about themselves, and they can't understand others' opinions. They also want to relax all the time and live a comfortable life without working hard.
In my opinion, I think they deserve praise for their minds which are really valuable. At the same time, I also want to criticize them for being supposed to only care about themselves and relax all the time instead of working hard.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: At these time,I have just read an article about teenagers.
correct_sentence: Recently, I have just read an article about teenagers.
error: At these time
correction: Recently
error_type: Other Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Other Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈these〉 as a plural determiner cannot modify the singular noun 〈time〉, and 〈At these time〉 does not conform to the idiomatic expression of an adverbial of time. It is suggested to replace the entire phrase with the adverb of time 『Recently』 to make the expression more concise and natural.

error_sentence: There are some advantages on them.
correct_sentence: There are some advantages to them.
error: on
correction: to
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: The correct collocation for the noun 〈advantages〉 should be 『to』 instead of 〈on〉, therefore 〈on them〉 is changed to 『to them』 to conform to English idiomatic usage, indicating the object to whom the advantages apply.

error_sentence: Almost all of them are so curious that everything wants to be known.
correct_sentence: Almost all of them are so curious that they want to know everything.
error: everything wants to be known
correction: they want to know everything
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence 〈all of them are so curious that everything wants to be known〉 has a logical confusion, as the subject of the clause 〈everything〉 cannot perform the action of 'wanting to know'. According to the meaning, it should be changed to the active voice 『they want to know everything』, so that the subject (they) and the action (want to know) correspond reasonably; ② Pronoun Error: The use of 〈everything〉 as the subject in the original sentence leads to unclear meaning; it should be changed to 『they』 to clarify the agent of the action, making the sentence logically coherent.

error_sentence: They want to be in dependence instead of acting a little child around their parents.
correct_sentence: They want to be independent instead of acting like a little child around their parents.
error: in dependence
correction: independent
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Preposition Error: The preposition 〈in〉 is misused before the noun 〈dependence〉; according to the meaning, the adjective 『independent』 should be used as a predicative, so the redundant preposition is deleted and it is modified to 『They want to be independent』 to comply with grammatical rules; ② PoS Confusion Error: The prepositional phrase 〈in dependence〉 does not meet the grammatical requirement for an adjective as a predicative; it should be changed to the adjective 『independent』 to correctly modify the subject 〈They〉.

error_sentence: They want to be in dependence instead of acting a little child around their parents.
correct_sentence: They want to be independent instead of acting like a little child around their parents.
correction: like
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to preposition usage rules, the verb phrase 〈acting〉 needs to be paired with the preposition 『like』 when expressing 'like...', therefore it is supplemented as 『acting like a little child』 to complete the comparative structure.

error_sentence: The most different is that they have many new opinions,even these opinions can't be understood by adults.

correct_sentence: The most different is that they have many new opinions, but these opinions can't be understood by adults.

error: even
correction: but
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: The conjunction 〈even〉 cannot express a contrastive relationship; according to the meaning, it should be replaced with 『but』 to correctly connect the two preceding and succeeding clauses 〈they have many new opinions〉 and 〈these opinions can't be understood〉, to indicate the contrast that adults cannot understand these opinions.

error_sentence: For example,they want to have someone prepared everything for them.
correct_sentence: For example, they want to have someone prepare everything for them.
error: prepared
correction: prepare
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: When the causative verb 〈have〉 is followed by the object 〈someone〉, the object complement requires the base form of the verb, therefore the past participle 〈prepared〉 is changed to 『prepare』 to conform to the correct structure of 〈have someone do something〉.

error_sentence: They also want to relax themselves all the time and live in a comfortable life without working hard.

correct_sentence: They also want to relax all the time and live a comfortable life without working hard.

error: themselves
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: The verb 〈relax〉 itself already contains the meaning of 'relaxing oneself', so the reflexive pronoun 〈themselves〉 is redundant; deleting it makes the sentence more concise.

error_sentence: They also want to relax themselves all the time and live in a comfortable life without working hard.

correct_sentence: They also want to relax all the time and live a comfortable life without working hard.

error: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English expression norms, the verb 〈live〉 can directly take the object 〈a comfortable life〉 to express a complete meaning; adding the preposition 〈in〉 does not conform to English collocation habits, therefore 〈in〉 is deleted and corrected to 『live a comfortable life』 to comply with standard usage.

error_sentence: In my opinion,I think they deserve a praise for their minds which are really valuable.
correct_sentence: In my opinion, I think they deserve praise for their minds which are really valuable.
error: a
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: The uncountable noun 〈praise〉 cannot be preceded by the indefinite article 〈a〉; according to English grammar rules, 〈a〉 should be deleted, and the fixed phrase 『deserve praise』 (worthy of praise) should be used to maintain correct expression.

error_sentence: At the same time,I also want to criticize them from being supposed to only care about themselves and relax themselves all the time instead of working hard.
correct_sentence: At the same time, I also want to criticize them for being supposed to only care about themselves and relax all the time instead of working hard.
error: from
correction: for
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English expression norms, the verb 〈criticize〉 needs to be paired with the preposition 『for』 instead of 〈from〉 when expressing 'to criticize for...', therefore 〈from〉 is changed to 『for』, and corrected to 『criticize someone for something』 to express the object or reason for criticism, in order to conform to English idiomatic structure.

error_sentence: At the same time,I also want to criticize them from being supposed to only care about themselves and relax themselves all the time instead of working hard.
correct_sentence: At the same time, I also want to criticize them for being supposed to only care about themselves and relax all the time instead of working hard.
error: themselves
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: The verb 〈relax〉 itself already contains the meaning of 'relaxing oneself', so the reflexive pronoun 〈themselves〉 is redundant; deleting it makes the sentence more concise.