Writing prompt: The Ideal Jobs of Us

Student essay:
Now I'd like to share the ideal jobs of our group members with all of you.
With the longing of designing beautiful clothes for people,Li Hua would rather be a fashion designer.He believes that his wonderful drawing level will help him to make the dream come true.
Chang Lili enjoy being a gardener,the reanson is that she is crazy about plants and has a nice dream to make our city more beautiful.Ma Kai,who has a great imagination,wants to be a writer,because he feel like sharing excellent stories with others.For the reason of the desire to cook healthy food,Sun Jun would like to be a cook.And about myself,I dream of being a doctor,so that I can help the patients to fight against the diseases.
Eventually,I hope our dreams can come true one day!

Corrected essay:
Now I'd like to share the ideal jobs of our group members with all of you.
With the longing of designing beautiful clothes for people, Li Hua would rather be a fashion designer. He believes that his wonderful drawing level will help him to make the dream come true.
Chang Lili enjoys being a gardener. The reason is that she is crazy about plants and has a nice dream to make our city more beautiful. Ma Kai, who has a great imagination, wants to be a writer, because he feels like sharing excellent stories with others. For the reason of the desire to cook healthy food, Sun Jun would like to be a cook. And about myself, I dream of being a doctor, so that I can help the patients fight against diseases.
Eventually, I hope our dreams can come true one day!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Chang Lili enjoy being a gardener,the reanson is that she is crazy about plants and has a nice dream to make our city more beautiful.
correct_sentence: Chang Lili enjoys being a gardener.
error: enjoy
correction: enjoys
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: According to English grammar rules, the subject 〈Chang Lili〉 is in the third-person singular form, and the predicate verb needs to use the singular form. Therefore, change the base form of the verb 〈enjoy〉 to the third-person singular form 『enjoys』 to maintain subject-verb agreement.

error_sentence: Chang Lili enjoy being a gardener,the reanson is that she is crazy about plants and has a nice dream to make our city more beautiful.
correct_sentence: Chang Lili enjoys being a gardener. The reason is that she is crazy about plants and has a nice dream to make our city more beautiful.
error: ,the reanson
correction: . The reason
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English sentence structure rules, two independent clauses need to be separated by a period instead of a comma to avoid a comma splice error. Change 〈,the〉 to 『. The』 (end the sentence with a period and capitalize the first letter of the following word) to conform to standard punctuation usage; ② Space Error: According to English written expression norms, a single letter space needs to be maintained between a punctuation mark (comma or period) and the word following it, so a space needs to be added and changed to 『. The』; ③ Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first word of a sentence 〈the〉 should be capitalized as 『The』 (capitalize the first letter) to meet the standard format requirements for the beginning of a sentence.

error_sentence: Ma Kai,who has a great imagination,wants to be a writer,because he feel like sharing excellent stories with others.
correct_sentence: Ma Kai, who has a great imagination, wants to be a writer, because he feels like sharing excellent stories with others.
error: feel
correction: feels
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: According to English grammar rules, the subject 〈he〉 is a third-person singular pronoun, and the predicate verb needs to use the singular form. Change 〈feel〉 to 『feels』 (base form of the verb + s) to maintain subject-verb agreement, forming the correct structure 『he feels』.

error_sentence: And about myself,I dream of being a doctor,so that I can help the patients to fight against the diseases.

correct_sentence: And about myself, I dream of being a doctor, so that I can help the patients fight against diseases.

error: to
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to English verb collocation rules, when the verb 〈help〉 is followed by an object action, it can be directly followed by the base form of the verb without needing 〈to〉. Therefore, delete the redundant 〈to〉, changing 〈to fight〉 to 『fight』 to make the expression more concise and standard.

error_sentence: And about myself,I dream of being a doctor,so that I can help the patients to fight against the diseases.

correct_sentence: And about myself, I dream of being a doctor, so that I can help the patients fight against diseases.

error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English article usage rules, when 〈diseases〉 refers to a general category of diseases, the definite article 〈the〉 is not needed. Therefore, delete the redundant determiner 『the』 to make the expression more compliant with English grammar rules.