Writing prompt: My First Day at High School

Student essay:
Monday,Sept.3 Fine
Today was the first day of my new life. I looked at my new books and checked everything for the new school year. I was excited as well as worried.
I was very excited because I can spend my high school in an ideal school. I was very worried because I didn't know about the teacher and students in my class.
When I arrived at school , I found my classmates and teachers were very friendly , I soon forget my nervousness and feel at home.
While I got home , I won't worry any more and I believe I will have fun at this new school every day.

Corrected essay:
Monday, Sept. 3 Fine
Today was the first day of my new life. I looked at my new books and checked everything for the new school year. I was excited as well as worried.
I was very excited because I could spend my high school in an ideal school. I was very worried because I didn't know about the teachers and students in my class.
When I arrived at school, I found my classmates and teachers were very friendly. I soon forgot my nervousness and felt at home.
When I got home, I didn't worry anymore and I believed I would have fun at this new school every day.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Monday,Sept.3 Fine
Today was the first day of my new life.
correct_sentence: Monday, Sept. 3 Fine
Today was the first day of my new life.
error: Sept.3
correction: Sept. 3
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: The original sentence lacks a necessary space between the month abbreviation 〈Sept.〉 and the date 〈3〉, therefore 『Sept.3』 is modified to 『Sept. 3』 to conform to standard date writing conventions.

error_sentence: I was very excited because I can spend my high school in an ideal school.
correct_sentence: I was very excited because I could spend my high school in an ideal school.
error: can
correction: could
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: The scenario described here refers to past feelings and should use the past tense; therefore, 〈can〉 is changed to 『could』 to be consistent with the past tense 〈was〉 in the preceding text.

error_sentence: I was very worried because I didn't know about the teacher and students in my class.

correct_sentence: I was very worried because I didn't know about the teachers and students in my class.

error: teacher
correction: teachers
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: 〈teacher〉 is juxtaposed with the plural noun 〈students〉 later in the text and needs to maintain number consistency; therefore, 〈teacher〉 is changed to 『teachers』 to indicate multiple teachers.

error_sentence: When I arrived at school , I found my classmates and teachers were very friendly , I soon forget my nervousness and feel at home.

correct_sentence: When I arrived at school, I found my classmates and teachers were very friendly.
error: ,
correction: .
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: 〈When I arrived at school , I found my classmates and teachers were very friendly〉 and 〈I soon forget my nervousness and feel at home〉 contain independent subject-verb structures and can stand as separate sentences; therefore, 〈,〉 is changed to 『.』 to conform to conventions.

error_sentence: When I arrived at school , I found my classmates and teachers were very friendly , I soon forget my nervousness and feel at home.

correct_sentence: I soon forgot my nervousness and felt at home.

error: forget
correction: forgot
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: The sentence describes events that happened in the past and requires the past tense; therefore, 〈forget〉 is changed to the past tense form 『forgot』 to be consistent with the context's tense.

error_sentence: When I arrived at school , I found my classmates and teachers were very friendly , I soon forget my nervousness and feel at home.

correct_sentence: I soon forgot my nervousness and felt at home.

error: feel
correction: felt
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: The sentence describes events that happened in the past and requires the past tense; therefore, 〈feel〉 is changed to the past tense form 『felt』 to be consistent with the context's tense.

error_sentence: While I got home , I won't worry any more and I believe I will have fun at this new school every day.
correct_sentence: When I got home, I didn't worry anymore
error: While
correction: When
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: 〈While〉 indicates two actions happening simultaneously, whereas this part describes the point in time "when I got home"; 『When』 should be used to introduce the adverbial clause of time, so 〈While〉 is changed to 『When』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: While I got home , I won't worry any more and I believe I will have fun at this new school every day.
correct_sentence: When I got home, I didn't worry anymore
error: wo
correction: did

error_sentence: While I got home , I won't worry any more and I believe I will have fun at this new school every day.
correct_sentence: When I got home, I didn't worry anymore
error: any more
correction: anymore
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, the intention here is to express "no longer"; therefore, 〈any more〉 is a misspelling of 『anymore』, and 〈any more〉 needs to be changed to 『anymore』 to make the sentence flow smoothly.

error_sentence: While I got home , I won't worry any more and I believe I will have fun at this new school every day.
correct_sentence: and I believed I would have fun at this new school every day.
error: believe I will
correction: believed I would
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: The sentence describes events that happened in the past and requires the simple past tense and past future tense; therefore, 〈believe I will〉 is changed to the past form 『believed I would』 to be consistent with the context's tense.