Writing prompt: Should High School Students Get Online Frequently?

Student essay:
Most of my classmates think that high school students get online can broaden our horizons.We can learn a lot of things on the Internet.We can share our happyness with our friends and chat with them as well.On the other hand,we can play games on the computer for we can relax ourselves.In their opinion,get online can help us a lot.
But in my opinion,computers is bad for us.Our eyes will be more and more bad through we get online.And teenagers can not control theirselves.They always fall in games and chatting.As a result,their energy and time is weasted.
Anyway,the Internet is bad for us.But if we use it in correct ways.Our studies will be better.

Corrected essay:
Most of my classmates think that high school students getting online can broaden our horizons. We can learn a lot of things on the Internet. We can share our happiness with our friends and chat with them as well. On the other hand, we can play games on the computer so we can relax ourselves. In their opinion, getting online can help us a lot.
But in my opinion, computers are bad for us. Our eyes will be worse and worse if we get online. And teenagers can not control themselves. They always fall into games and chatting. As a result, their energy and time are wasted.
Anyway, the Internet is bad for us. But if we use it in correct ways, our studies will be better.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Most of my classmates think that high school students get online can broaden our horizons.
correct_sentence: Most of my classmates think that high school students getting online can broaden our horizons.
error: get
correction: getting
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: Based on the context, the verb 〈get〉 here is part of the sentence's subject and needs to be in the gerund form 『getting』 to function as a gerund; therefore, it is changed to 『getting』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: We can share our happyness with our friends and chat with them as well.
correct_sentence: We can share our happiness with our friends and chat with them as well.
error: happyness
correction: happiness
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, the intention here is to express 'happiness', so 〈happyness〉 is a misspelling of 『happiness』; it needs to be changed to 『happiness』 to make the sentence coherent.

error_sentence: On the other hand,we can play games on the computer for we can relax ourselves.
correct_sentence: On the other hand, we can play games on the computer so we can relax ourselves.
error: for
correction: so
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: Judging from the sentence's meaning, 〈for〉 in the sentence does not fit the contextual logic; 『so』 should be used to express a causal relationship, making the clauses flow smoothly.

error_sentence: In their opinion,get online can help us a lot.

correct_sentence: In their opinion, getting online can help us a lot.

error: get
correction: getting
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Space Error: According to English writing conventions, a space is required between a comma or period and the following word; therefore, a space needs to be added and changed to 『, getting』. ② Nonfinite Verb Form Error: The verb phrase 〈get online〉 functions as the subject in the sentence and needs to be in the gerund form; therefore, 〈get〉 is changed to 『getting』 to complete the sentence structure.

error_sentence: But in my opinion,computers is bad for us.
correct_sentence: But in my opinion, computers are bad for us.
error: is
correction: are
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: The subject 〈computers〉 is plural; based on the principle of subject-verb agreement, the predicate verb also needs to be in the plural form, so 〈is〉 is changed to 『are』 to maintain subject-verb agreement.

error_sentence: Our eyes will be more and more bad through we get online.
correct_sentence: Our eyes will be worse and worse if we get online.
error: more and more bad through
correction: worse and worse if
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Adjective Error: According to English writing conventions, the comparative form of the adjective 〈bad〉 is 『worse』; the comparative form is needed here, so it should be changed to 『worse』 to express a trend of gradual deterioration. ② Conjunction Error: Judging from the sentence's meaning, this introduces a conditional adverbial clause; 〈through〉 does not fit the context here and should be changed to 『if』 to express a conditional relationship.

error_sentence: And teenagers can not control theirselves.
correct_sentence: And teenagers can not control themselves.
error: theirselves
correction: themselves
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, the intention here is to express 'themselves', so 〈theirselves〉 is a misspelling of 『themselves』; it needs to be changed to 『themselves』 to make the sentence coherent.

error_sentence: They always fall in games and chatting.
correct_sentence: They always fall into games and chatting.
error: in
correction: into
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, the preposition 〈in〉 cannot accurately express the direction of the action here; it should be changed to 『into』 to indicate movement into something.

error_sentence: As a result,their energy and time is weasted.

correct_sentence: As a result, their energy and time are wasted.

error: is weasted
correction: are wasted
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Subject-Verb Agreement Error: The subject 〈energy and time〉 is plural; based on the principle of subject-verb agreement, the predicate verb should also be plural, so 〈is〉 needs to be changed to 『are』. ② Spelling Error: According to the meaning of the sentence, the intention here is to express 'wasted', so 〈weasted〉 is a misspelling of 『wasted』; it needs to be changed to 『wasted』 to make the sentence coherent.

error_sentence: But if we use it in correct ways. Our studies will be better.
correct_sentence: But if we use it in correct ways, our studies will be better.
error: .Our
correction: , our
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Punctuation Error: The conditional adverbial clause 〈if we use...〉 and the main clause 〈our studies...〉 need to be connected by a comma and cannot be split into separate sentences; therefore, the period is changed to a comma 『,』, and after the change, 〈Our〉 is no longer the first word of the sentence and needs to be changed to 『our』 to comply with English sentence structure rules.