Writing prompt: The Early Bird Catches the Worm

Student essay:
As the popular saying goes, "The early bird catches the worm." ,being diligent is the duty of those who want to realize their life goals.
Students as we are, we should be aware that study is a difficult and long-term program so that we must be diligent. For example, if you are eager to possess the skill of speaking English, you need to spend much time in reading after the record and accumulating vocabulary.
For a white collar, success or fail in his work would depend, to a great degree, on whether you are diligent enough or not. It is no use trying to find a short cut to success.
To sum up, please bear this in mind that "diligent makes success be within your arm.

Corrected essay:
As the popular saying goes, "The early bird catches the worm." Being diligent is the duty of those who want to realize their life goals.
Students as we are, we should be aware that study is a difficult and long-term program, so we must be diligent. For example, if you are eager to possess the skill of speaking English, you need to spend much time reading after the record and accumulating vocabulary.
For a white-collar worker, success or failure in their work would depend, to a great degree, on whether they are diligent enough or not. It is no use trying to find a shortcut to success.
To sum up, please bear this in mind: "Diligence makes success be within your arm's reach."

Error analysis:
error_sentence: ,being diligent is the duty of those who want to realize their life goals.

correct_sentence: Being diligent is the duty of those who want to realize their life goals.

error: ,being
correction: Being
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English punctuation rules, two independent subject-verb structures cannot be connected only by a comma; the punctuation in 〈,being diligent...〉 in the original sentence is used improperly, the comma at the beginning of the sentence should be removed to make the sentence structure correct; ② Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of a word at the beginning of a sentence needs to be capitalized; in the original sentence, 〈being〉 is at the beginning of the sentence, its first letter should be capitalized, so 〈being〉 needs to be changed to 『Being』 to conform to writing conventions.

error_sentence: Students as we are, we should be aware that study is a difficult and long-term program so that we must be diligent.
correct_sentence: Students as we are, we should be aware that study is a difficult and long-term program, so we must be diligent.
error: so that
correction: , so
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English punctuation rules, a comma is usually needed before a conjunction between a main clause and a subordinate clause; in the original sentence, no comma is added between 〈program〉 and 〈so〉, a comma 『,』 should be added after 〈program〉 to make the punctuation use conform to conventions; ② Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules and expression habits, 〈so that〉 in the original sentence is generally used to introduce an adverbial clause of purpose, meaning "in order to", but here the sentence expresses a causal relationship, requiring a conjunction indicating result; 〈so that〉 should be changed to 『so』 to make the conjunction use conform to semantic logic.

error_sentence: For example, if you are eager to possess the skill of speaking English, you need to spend much time in reading after the record and accumulating vocabulary.

correct_sentence: For example, if you are eager to possess the skill of speaking English, you need to spend much time reading after the record and accumulating vocabulary.

error: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English expression habits, when the verb phrase 〈spend time〉 is followed by the gerund 〈reading〉, no preposition is needed for connection; the redundant 〈in〉 in the original sentence does not conform to grammatical rules and needs to be deleted to make the expression conform to English habits.

error_sentence: For a white collar, success or fail in his work would depend, to a great degree, on whether you are diligent enough or not.
correct_sentence: For a white-collar worker, success or failure in their work would depend, to a great degree, on whether they are diligent enough or not.
error: collar
correction: -collar worker
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈white collar〉 is an adjectival phrase, its meaning is incomplete; the noun 『worker』 needs to be added to form the complete noun phrase “white - collar worker”, clearly specifying the referent.

error_sentence: For a white collar, success or fail in his work would depend, to a great degree, on whether you are diligent enough or not.
correct_sentence: For a white-collar worker, success or failure in their work would depend, to a great degree, on whether they are diligent enough or not.
error: fail in his
correction: failure in their
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Noun Error: According to English grammar rules, when expressing "failure" in parallel with 〈success〉, the noun form is required; in the original sentence, 〈fall〉 is a verb, which does not meet the requirement, and should be changed to the noun form 『failure』 to make the part of speech and semantic expression accurate; ② Pronoun Error: According to English grammar and sentence logic, the subject of the original sentence refers to a general group of people, which is a plural concept; 〈his〉 is inconsistent with the plural logic of the subject and should be changed to the pronoun 『their』, which indicates plurality, to maintain consistency between the pronoun and the subject.

error_sentence: For a white collar, success or fail in his work would depend, to a great degree, on whether you are diligent enough or not.
correct_sentence: For a white-collar worker, success or failure in their work would depend, to a great degree, on whether they are diligent enough or not.
error: you
correction: they
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: According to English grammar rules and sentence logic, 〈you〉 in the original sentence is inconsistent with the reference of the preceding 〈their work〉; the preceding text refers to a general group of white-collar workers, which is a plural concept, and the plural pronoun 『they』 should be used. 〈you〉 needs to be changed to 『they』 to maintain consistency in person and number, making the sentence reference clear and logically coherent.

error_sentence: It is no use trying to find a short cut to success.

correct_sentence: It is no use trying to find a shortcut to success.

error: short cut
correction: shortcut
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English spelling rules and expression habits, the English word for “捷径”, “shortcut”, is a compound noun written as one word; in the original sentence, 〈short cut〉 written separately does not conform to conventions and should be changed to 『shortcut』 to make the word spelling conform to standard rules.

error_sentence: To sum up, please bear this in mind that "diligent makes success be within your arm.
correct_sentence: To sum up, please bear this in mind: "Diligence makes success be within your arm's reach."
error: that "diligent
correction: : "Diligence
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English punctuation rules, a colon 『:』 should be used to introduce direct speech; in the original sentence, using 〈that〉 to introduce direct speech does not conform to conventions, so 〈that〉 needs to be changed to a colon 『:』 to make the punctuation use correct; ② PoS Confusion Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈diligent〉 in the original sentence is an adjective and does not make sense as a subject here; its noun form 『Diligence』, meaning “diligence”, should be used to make the part of speech and semantic expression accurate.

error_sentence: To sum up, please bear this in mind that "diligent makes success be within your arm.
correct_sentence: To sum up, please bear this in mind: "Diligence makes success be within your arm's reach."
error: .
correction: 's reach."
error_type: Noun Possessive Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Possessive Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈arm〉 at the end of the sentence here indicates a specific range and needs to be expressed accurately using the possessive form; 〈arm〉 should be changed to 『arm's reach』, emphasizing “within your arm's reach”, to make the expression conform to grammatical conventions.