Writing prompt: A Diary about Sports Meeting

Student essay:
Friday,October 12th,2012 Sunny
Today is the last sports meeting in our three years' high school life.
I signed up for the 800-meter long distance run,which was demanding.A case in point was that I failed to pass it last semester.Nevertheless,I hold the firm belief that I could accomplish it.
All the participants set out with the gun went.I've never felt that the time past so slowly.I was not a little exhausted after half of the distance.I was taken over by other participants one after another.So tired I was that I wanted to give up.
Finally,I came up to their exceptions that I stuck to the finishing line.I didn't get any ranking.On the contrary,I realized what matters is the process,not the consequence.How I wished time hadn't passed so quickly!

Corrected essay:
Friday, October 12th, 2012 Sunny
Today is the last sports meeting in our three years' high school life.
I signed up for the 800-meter long-distance run, which was demanding. A case in point was that I failed to pass it last semester. Nevertheless, I held the firm belief that I could accomplish it.
All the participants set out when the gun went off. I've never felt that the time passed so slowly. I was a little exhausted after half of the distance. I was overtaken by other participants one after another. So tired was I that I wanted to give up.
Finally, I came up to their expectations as I stuck to the finishing line. I didn't get any ranking. On the contrary, I realized what matters is the process, not the consequence. How I wished time hadn't passed so quickly!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Friday,October 12th,2012 Sunny
Today is the last sports meeting in our three years' high school life.

correct_sentence: Friday, October 12th, 2012 Sunny
Today is the last sports meeting in our three years' high school life.

error: 12th,2012
correction: 12th, 2012
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to standard format, a space is needed after the comma here to separate the year, therefore 〈12th,2012〉 is changed to 『12th, 2012』 to conform to English date writing conventions.

error_sentence: I signed up for the 800-meter long distance run,which was demanding.
correct_sentence: I signed up for the 800-meter long-distance run, which was demanding.
correction: -
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: When the compound adjective 〈long distance〉 modifies the noun 〈run〉, a hyphen is needed to indicate 'long-distance run', therefore a 『-』 is added between 〈long〉 and 〈distance〉 to comply with compound adjective formation rules.

error_sentence: Nevertheless,I hold the firm belief that I could accomplish it.

correct_sentence: Nevertheless, I held the firm belief that I could accomplish it.

error: hold
correction: held
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: This describes a past event and requires the past tense, therefore the present tense 〈hold〉 is changed to 『held』 to match the contextual tense.

error_sentence: All the participants set out with the gun went.
correct_sentence: All the participants set out when the gun went off.
error: with
correction: when
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: 〈with〉 cannot correctly express the temporal relationship between the gunshot and the start of the race; the adverbial clause of time conjunction 『when』 should be used here, therefore 〈with〉 is changed to 『when』 to fit the sentence logic.

error_sentence: All the participants set out with the gun went. I've never felt that the time past so slowly.
correct_sentence: All the participants set out when the gun went off. I've never felt that the time passed so slowly.
error: . I've
correction: off. I've
error_type: Adverb Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Adverb Error: According to English verb and adverb collocation rules, when expressing 'gunshot' here, the adverb 'off' is needed to indicate the direction or result of the action, therefore 『off』 needs to be added before the period here.

error_sentence: I've never felt that the time past so slowly.
correct_sentence: I've never felt that the time passed so slowly.
error: past
correction: passed
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: 〈past〉 is a noun/adjective; a past tense verb is needed here to express the passage of time, therefore 〈past〉 is changed to the verb 『passed』 to correctly express the action of time passing.

error_sentence: I was not a little exhausted after half of the distance.
correct_sentence: I was a little exhausted after half of the distance.
error: not
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: Considering the context, the intention here is to express 'After running half the distance, I was a bit tired'; 〈not a little exhausted〉 expresses the opposite of the actual meaning, therefore 〈not〉 is deleted to more accurately convey the semantics of slight fatigue.

error_sentence: I was taken over by other participants one after another.
correct_sentence: I was overtaken by other participants one after another.
error: taken over
correction: overtaken
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: 〈taken over〉 means to take control, whereas being surpassed in a race should use 『overtaken』, therefore 〈taken over〉 is changed to 『overtaken』 to fit the grammatical logic.

error_sentence: So tired I was that I wanted to give up.

correct_sentence: So tired was I that I wanted to give up.

error: I was
correction: was I
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Order Error: In the 'so...that' sentence pattern, when the adjective is fronted, an inverted structure is required, therefore 〈I was〉 is changed to 『was I』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: Finally,I came up to their exceptions that I stuck to the finishing line.
correct_sentence: Finally, I came up to their expectations as I stuck to the finishing line.
error: exceptions that
correction: expectations as
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Noun Error: Considering the context, the intention here is to express 'I met their expectations'; 〈exceptions〉 means 'exceptions', while 『expectations』 should be used here, therefore 〈exceptions〉 is changed to 『expectations』 to match the semantics; ② Conjunction Error: The intention here is to express that because of a certain reason (i.e., sticking to the finishing line), their expectations were met; 『as』 should be used to indicate a causal relationship, therefore 〈that〉 is changed to 『as』 to correctly express the sentence meaning.