Writing prompt: After-School Activities

Student essay:
Nowadays,after-school activities are becoming more and more popular in high schools.
As we all know,our school after-school activities are really interesting and fit for high school students.I take part in many activities.In the club activities I do some sports;such as playing football and playing basketball.What'more,I can not only play with my friends,but also watch English movies. By this way we will make progress in English quickly.
To choose after-school activities,interests are the most important things.If you want to gain knowledge or some skills,you should choose the activities which you really show an interest in.In a word,the community activities actively involved,there is strong team spirit of cooperation.Please enjoy it.

Corrected essay:
Nowadays, after-school activities are becoming more and more popular in high schools.
As we all know, our school's after-school activities are really interesting and fit for high school students. I take part in many activities. In the club activities, I do some sports, such as playing football and playing basketball. What's more, I can not only play with my friends but also watch English movies. In this way, we will make progress in English quickly.
To choose after-school activities, interests are the most important thing. If you want to gain knowledge or some skills, you should choose the activities in which you really show an interest. In a word, by actively participating in community activities, there is a strong team spirit of cooperation. Please enjoy it.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: As we all know,our school after-school activities are really interesting and fit for high school students.
correct_sentence: As we all know, our school's after-school activities are really interesting and fit for high school students.
correction: 's
error_type: Noun Possessive Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Possessive Error: The noun 〈school〉 lacks the possessive form to refer to the school's after-school activities, so 『's』 is added after 〈school〉 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: In the club activities I do some sports;such as playing football and playing basketball.
correct_sentence: In the club activities, I do some sports, such as playing football and playing basketball.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The adverbial phrase 〈In the club activities〉 should be followed by a comma to separate it from the main clause, so a 『,』 is added after 〈activities〉 to standardize the sentence structure.

error_sentence: In the club activities I do some sports;such as playing football and playing basketball.
correct_sentence: In the club activities, I do some sports, such as playing football and playing basketball.
error: sports;such
correction: sports, such
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The exemplifying structure 〈such as〉 should be preceded by a comma, so 〈sports;such〉 is changed to 『sports, such』 to conform to punctuation rules.

error_sentence: What'more,I can not only play with my friends,but also watch English movies.
correct_sentence: What's more, I can not only play with my friends but also watch English movies.
error: What'more
correction: What's more
error_type: Contraction Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Contraction Error: The contraction in the fixed expression 『What's more』 is incorrect, so 〈What'more〉 is corrected to 『What's more』 to conform to writing conventions.

error_sentence: What'more,I can not only play with my friends,but also watch English movies.
correct_sentence: What's more, I can not only play with my friends but also watch English movies.
error: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: In the “not only...but also” structure, no comma is needed to separate the parallel elements, so the 〈,〉 after 〈friends〉 is deleted to standardize the sentence structure.

error_sentence: By this way we will make progress in English quickly.

correct_sentence: In this way, we will make progress in English quickly.

error: By
correction: In
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: The fixed phrase 『In this way』 indicates manner, so 〈By〉 is changed to 『In』 to conform to idiomatic expression.

error_sentence: By this way we will make progress in English quickly.

correct_sentence: In this way, we will make progress in English quickly.

correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: The adverbial phrase 『In this way』 should be followed by a comma to separate it from the main clause, so a 『,』 is added after 〈way〉 to standardize the sentence structure.

error_sentence: To choose after-school activities,interests are the most important things.
correct_sentence: To choose after-school activities, interests are the most important thing.
error: things
correction: thing
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: 〈the most important〉 modifies a singular noun to express an abstract concept, so 〈things〉 is changed to 『thing』 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: If you want to gain knowledge or some skills,you should choose the activities which you really show an interest in.
correct_sentence: If you want to gain knowledge or some skills, you should choose the activities in which you really show an interest.
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: Here, 『in』 should be used to connect 〈interest〉 with what it refers to (in this sentence, 〈the activities〉), so 『in』 is added before 〈which〉 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: If you want to gain knowledge or some skills,you should choose the activities which you really show an interest in.
correct_sentence: If you want to gain knowledge or some skills, you should choose the activities in which you really show an interest.
error: in
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: Since 『in which』 has already been used, the preposition 〈in〉 at the end is redundant, so 〈in〉 is deleted to standardize the sentence structure.

error_sentence: In a word,the community activities actively involved,there is strong team spirit of cooperation.
correct_sentence: In a word, by actively participating in community activities, there is a strong team spirit of cooperation.
error: the
correction: by actively participating in
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; considering the context, it is understood that the intended meaning is “by actively participating in community activities,” so 〈the〉 is changed to 『by actively participating in』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: In a word,the community activities actively involved,there is strong team spirit of cooperation.
correct_sentence: In a word, by actively participating in community activities, there is a strong team spirit of cooperation.
error: actively involved
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: 〈actively involved〉 is semantically redundant with the newly added 『participating in』, so 〈actively involved〉 is deleted to correctly express the sentence meaning.

error_sentence: In a word,the community activities actively involved,there is strong team spirit of cooperation.
correct_sentence: In a word, by actively participating in community activities, there is a strong team spirit of cooperation.
correction: a
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: The countable noun phrase 〈strong team spirit〉 should be preceded by the indefinite article 『a』 for generic reference, so 『a』 is added before 〈strong〉 to conform to grammatical rules.