Writing prompt: Should We Keep Animals in Zoos?

Student essay:
This week, we hold a moot about whether we should keep animals in zoos.
About 40% of students thought it's correct to do that because we can see animals from different places in a short time. The animals, especially the endangered animals can be taken a good care of.
The other student including me thought it's cruel to animals. In our opinions, animals belong to the nature and they love living in the nature. Many animals are too big to play lightheartedly in the cold iron cages. If an animal loses its freedom, although it needn't worry about food and so on, it will be never happy.
Instead of that, we should try our best to protect animals. First, hunting unbridledly is so harmful that we can't do that. Most importantly, we should protect the natural environment because it is the home to animals.

Corrected essay:
This week, we held a moot about whether we should keep animals in zoos.
About 40% of students thought it was correct to do that because we could see animals from different places in a short time. The animals, especially the endangered animals could be taken good care of.
The other students including me thought it was cruel to animals. In our opinion, animals belong to nature and they love living in nature. Many animals are too big to play lightheartedly in the cold iron cages. If an animal loses its freedom, although it needn't worry about food and so on, it will never be happy.
In light of this, we should try our best to protect animals. First, hunting unbridledly is so harmful that we can't do that. Most importantly, we should protect the natural environment because it is the home to animals.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: This week, we hold a moot about whether we should keep animals in zoos.

correct_sentence: This week, we held a moot about whether we should keep animals in zoos.

error: hold
correction: held
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, whereas the original sentence uses 〈hold〉 in the simple present tense; therefore, 〈hold〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『held』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: About 40% of students thought it's correct to do that because we can see animals from different places in a short time.
correct_sentence: About 40% of students thought it was correct to do that because we could see animals from different places in a short time.
error: 's
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, whereas the original sentence uses 〈's〉 in the simple present tense; therefore, 〈's〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『was』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: About 40% of students thought it's correct to do that because we can see animals from different places in a short time.
correct_sentence: About 40% of students thought it was correct to do that because we could see animals from different places in a short time.
error: can
correction: could
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, whereas the original sentence uses 〈can〉 in the simple present tense; therefore, 〈can〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『could』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: The animals, especially the endangered animals can be taken a good care of.

correct_sentence: The animals, especially the endangered animals could be taken good care of.

error: can
correction: could
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, whereas the original sentence uses 〈can〉 in the simple present tense; therefore, 〈can〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『could』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: The animals, especially the endangered animals can be taken a good care of.

correct_sentence: The animals, especially the endangered animals could be taken good care of.

error: a
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the phrase 〈a good care of〉 uses a redundant determiner 〈a〉; therefore, 〈a good care of〉 needs to be modified to 『good care of』 to make the phrase conform to idiomatic expression.

error_sentence: The other student including me thought it's cruel to animals.
correct_sentence: The other students including me thought it was cruel to animals.
error: student
correction: students
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈student〉 in the original sentence should use the plural form 『students』 to represent the remaining group; therefore, 〈student〉 should be changed to 『students』 to conform to English grammar rules.

error_sentence: The other student including me thought it's cruel to animals.
correct_sentence: The other students including me thought it was cruel to animals.
error: 's
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, whereas the original sentence uses 〈's〉 in the simple present tense; therefore, 〈's〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『was』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: In our opinions, animals belong to the nature and they love living in the nature.
correct_sentence: In our opinion, animals belong to nature and they love living in nature.
error: opinions
correction: opinion
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English grammar rules, 『opinion』 is an uncountable noun and has no plural form; therefore, 〈opinions〉 should be changed to 『opinion』 to conform to English grammar rules.

error_sentence: In our opinions, animals belong to the nature and they love living in the nature.
correct_sentence: In our opinion, animals belong to nature and they love living in nature.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the abstract noun 〈nature〉 does not require an article when used in a general sense; delete the redundant 〈the〉 to make the expression conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: In our opinions, animals belong to the nature and they love living in the nature.
correct_sentence: In our opinion, animals belong to nature and they love living in nature.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the abstract noun 〈nature〉 does not require an article when used in a general sense; delete the redundant 〈the〉 to make the expression conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: If an animal loses its freedom, although it needn't worry about food and so on, it will be never happy.

correct_sentence: If an animal loses its freedom, although it needn't worry about food and so on, it will never be happy.

error: be never
correction: never be
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Order Error: According to English expression habits, the frequency adverb 〈never〉 should be placed between the auxiliary verb 〈will〉 and the main verb 〈be〉; therefore, 〈be never〉 needs to be changed to 『never be』 to ensure the sentence structure is natural.

error_sentence: Instead of that, we should try our best to protect animals.
correct_sentence: In light of this, we should try our best to protect animals.
error: Instead of that
correction: In light of this
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Conjunction Error: According to the context, the intention here is to express 'based on this', which 〈Instead of that〉 in the original sentence fails to convey correctly; therefore, 〈Instead of that〉 needs to be modified to 『In light of this』 to more accurately express the semantic relationship of 'in view of the above reasons'.