Writing prompt: My Dream

Student essay:
Everyone has their dreams. But not all dreams can come true. Some persons want to be rich or famous overnight. But it is not useful. I have no ideals, too. When I was seven years old, I wanted to be a teacher. I think it 's a very good job. When I was ten years old, I want to be a soldier. So I think it's cool. When I grow up, I know the dream is very important. So I have a new definition of my dream. Now, I want to be a famous writer, like Lu Xun. My works can encourage hundreds of persons. People adore my ideas. I am lucky to take the article to children, to old man, to many people. Let them feel literary changes. Well, people know"Rome does not build in one day"! We must study hard. So we can succeed. I must study hard and make progress every day. Reading many books is my second selection. Then what am I first select? To sum up is about my dream. It's wonderful and great. I hope I can early complete my dream.

Corrected essay:
Everyone has their dreams. But not all dreams can come true. Some persons want to be rich or famous overnight. But it is not useful. I have no ideals, too. When I was seven years old, I wanted to be a teacher. I think it's a very good job. When I was ten years old, I wanted to be a soldier. I thought it was cool. When I grow up, I know the dream is very important. So I have a new definition of my dream. Now, I want to be a famous writer, like Lu Xun. My works can encourage hundreds of people. People adore my ideas. I am lucky to take the article to children, to old men, to many people. Let them feel literary changes. Well, people know "Rome was not built in a day"! We must study hard so we can succeed. I must study hard and make progress every day. Reading many books is my second selection. Then what is my first selection? To sum up, this is about my dream. It's wonderful and great. I hope I can complete my dream early.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: When I was ten years old, I want to be a soldier.
correct_sentence: When I was ten years old, I wanted to be a soldier.
error: want
correction: wanted
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, while the original sentence uses 〈want〉 in the simple present tense; therefore, 〈want〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『wanted』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: So I think it's cool.
correct_sentence: I thought it was cool.
error: So I think it's
correction: I thought it was
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Conjunction Error: According to the context, 〈So〉 indicating a causal relationship is not needed here; therefore, 〈So〉 needs to be deleted to fit the meaning; ② Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, while the original sentence uses 〈think it's〉 in the simple present tense; therefore, 〈think it's〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『thought it was』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: My works can encourage hundreds of persons.
correct_sentence: My works can encourage hundreds of people.
error: persons
correction: people
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Error: According to English usage customs, 〈persons〉 is mostly used in legal or formal contexts; here, to refer to a group of people generally, the more natural 『people』 should be used; therefore, 〈persons〉 needs to be changed to 『people』 to conform to common usage.

error_sentence: I am lucky to take the article to children, to old man, to many people.
correct_sentence: I am lucky to take the article to children, to old men, to many people.
error: man
correction: men
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to the context, 〈old man〉 needs to be consistent with the plural form 〈children〉; therefore, 〈old man〉 needs to be changed to 『old men』 to fit the meaning.

error_sentence: Well, people know"Rome does not build in one day"!
correct_sentence: Well, people know "Rome was not built in a day"!
error: know"Rome does not build in one
correction: know "Rome was not built in a
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Space Error: According to English writing conventions, a space is needed between punctuation and a word; the original sentence 〈know"Rome〉 lacks a space; therefore, 〈know"Rome〉 needs to be changed to 『know "Rome』 to conform to writing conventions; ② Verb Voice Error: According to the context, the meaning here is "Rome was not built in a day"; therefore, the original phrase 〈does not build in one〉 needs to be changed to the passive voice 『was not built in a』 to match the proverbial expression.

error_sentence: We must study hard. So we can succeed.
correct_sentence: We must study hard so we can succeed.
error: . So
correction: so
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, when the conjunction 〈So〉 connects clauses in a compound sentence, a period is not needed before it; therefore, 〈. So〉 needs to be changed to 『so』 to conform to grammar rules.

error_sentence: Then what am I first select?
correct_sentence: Then what is my first selection?
error: am I first select
correction: is my first selection
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: According to the context, the intended meaning is "What is my first selection?"; the original phrase 〈am I first select〉 does not conform to standard English; therefore, it needs to be changed to 『is my first selection』 to fit the correct question structure.

error_sentence: To sum up is about my dream.
correct_sentence: To sum up, this is about my dream.
correction: , this
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, when 〈To sum up〉 starts a new sentence, it should be followed by a comma to separate it from the following clause; therefore, 〈To sum up〉 is changed to 『To sum up,』 to conform to writing conventions; ② Determiner Error: According to English usage customs and the context, a subject is missing here; therefore, 『this』 needs to be added to specifically refer to the previously mentioned event, to conform to expression norms and the context.

error_sentence: I hope I can early complete my dream.
correct_sentence: I hope I can complete my dream early.
error: early
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Order Error: According to English usage customs, when the adverb 〈early〉 modifies a verb, it should be placed after the verb; therefore, the preceding 〈early〉 is deleted to conform to usage customs.

error_sentence: I hope I can early complete my dream.
correct_sentence: I hope I can complete my dream early.
correction: early
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Order Error: According to English usage customs, the adverb 『early』 is placed after the verb phrase 〈complete my dream〉; therefore, 〈I can early complete〉 needs to be adjusted to 『complete my dream early』 to conform to the correct word order.