Writing prompt: Madam C. J. Walker

Student essay:
Madam C. J. Walker, who was a wise woman once made a big success in business.
One day, she saw a lot of hair on her comb and suddenly realized that she was seriously losing her hair! She was so worried that she tried many medicines but all of them didn't work.
Madam Walker was lying in bed when she thought about her hair. She suddenly remembered that her uncle showed her some special plants which could be used for medicine. So she began to try them instead of medicines. She tried and tried and made it at the end. She happily found that her hair grew faster as she used the plants for medicine. An idea soon came into her mind. She made the plants into products and sold them in a low price. The products which were so good that many women liked to use them.
However, in a special way, Madam C. J. Walker was successful because of her intelligence.

Corrected essay:
Madam C. J. Walker, who was a wise woman once made a big success in business.
One day, she saw a lot of hair on her comb and suddenly realized that she was seriously losing her hair! She was so worried that she tried many medicines but none of them worked.
Madam Walker was lying in bed when she thought about her hair. She suddenly remembered that her uncle had shown her some special plants which could be used for medicine. So she began to try them instead of medicines. She tried and tried and made it in the end. She happily found that her hair grew faster as she used the plants for medicine. An idea soon came into her mind. She made the plants into products and sold them at a low price. The products were so good that many women liked to use them.
However, in a special way, Madam C. J. Walker was successful because of her intelligence.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: She was so worried that she tried many medicines but all of them didn't work.

correct_sentence: She was so worried that she tried many medicines but none of them worked.

error: all
correction: none
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: 〈all〉 means all, its meaning is redundant with the negative meaning of 〈didn't〉, causing a logical contradiction. 『none』 should be used, meaning 'not one', therefore 〈all〉 is changed to 『none』 to make the sentence more logical.

error_sentence: She was so worried that she tried many medicines but all of them didn't work.

correct_sentence: She was so worried that she tried many medicines but none of them worked.

error: didn't work
correction: worked
error_type: Other Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Other Error: When the subject already uses the negative pronoun 『none』, the verb needs to remain in the affirmative form to avoid double negation, therefore 〈didn't work〉 is changed to 『worked』 to ensure the sentence is logically clear and semantically accurate.

error_sentence: She suddenly remembered that her uncle showed her some special plants which could be used for medicine.
correct_sentence: She suddenly remembered that her uncle had shown her some special plants which could be used for medicine.
error: showed
correction: had shown
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: The action 〈show〉 in the subordinate clause occurred before the action 〈remembered〉 in the main clause, the past perfect tense should be used here, therefore 〈showed〉 is changed to 『had shown』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: She tried and tried and made it at the end.
correct_sentence: She tried and tried and made it in the end.
error: at
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: The fixed phrase 『in the end』 indicates the final result, therefore 〈at〉 is changed to 『in』 to conform to idiomatic expression.

error_sentence: She made the plants into products and sold them in a low price.
correct_sentence: She made the plants into products and sold them at a low price.
error: in
correction: at
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: When indicating a price range or a specific price, the preposition 『at』 should be used, such as “at a high/low price”, therefore 〈in〉 is changed to 『at』 to conform to English idiomatic usage.

error_sentence: The products which were so good that many women liked to use them.

correct_sentence: The products were so good that many women liked to use them.

error: which
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: The relative word 〈which〉 is used improperly here, leading to an incomplete sentence structure. 〈The products were so good that many women liked to use them〉 is already a complete sentence structure, therefore 〈which〉 is deleted to normalize the sentence structure.