Writing prompt: Giving Advice

Student essay:
Dear boy,
I'm sorry to hear about your problems and hope I can help.
Maybe you exercise less so you are too heavy. You should exercise more. For example, you can run a few miles every day. How about joining a club? Maybe you can do more exercise this way.
If you eat more junk food, you will get heavy. You won't have a healthy unless you eat less junk food like the hamburger, the ice-cream and the potato chips.
Don't feel bad about yourself, relaxed and try to change the weight. I believe if you try, you will have a healthy body and happiness of life.
I hope my advice helps. Please write to me again if you need any more help.
Uncle Tim

Corrected essay:
Dear boy,
I'm sorry to hear about your problems and hope I can help.
Maybe you exercise less so you are too heavy. You should exercise more. For example, you can run a few miles every day. How about joining a club? Maybe you can do more exercise this way.
If you eat more junk food, you will get heavy. You won't have a healthy body unless you eat less junk food like hamburgers, ice-cream and potato chips.
Don't feel bad about yourself. Relax and try to change your weight. I believe if you try, you will have a healthy body and a happy life.
I hope my advice helps. Please write to me again if you need any more help.
Uncle Tim

Error analysis:
error_sentence: You won't have a healthy unless you eat less junk food like the hamburger, the ice-cream and the potato chips.

correct_sentence: You won't have a healthy body unless you eat less junk food like hamburgers, ice-cream and potato chips.

correction: body
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Error: According to the context, the sentence means 'healthy body'; the adjective 〈healthy〉 needs to be followed by a noun to form a complete predicative structure, so 〈healthy〉 needs to be changed to 『healthy body』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: You won't have a healthy unless you eat less junk food like the hamburger, the ice-cream and the potato chips.

correct_sentence: You won't have a healthy body unless you eat less junk food like hamburgers, ice-cream and potato chips.

error: the hamburger, the
correction: hamburgers,
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the definite article 〈the〉 is not needed when listing generic categories; in the original sentence, 〈the〉 cannot generically refer to 〈hamburger〉, so 〈the〉 is deleted to conform to expression habits; ② Noun Number Error: According to the context, 〈hamburger〉 in the original sentence should use the plural form 『hamburgers』 to indicate a general case, so 〈hamburger〉 should be changed to 『hamburgers』 to fit the context; ③ Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 〈the〉 is not needed when listing the generic food name 〈ice-cream〉. Therefore, the redundant determiner 〈the〉 is deleted to conform to English grammar.

error_sentence: You won't have a healthy unless you eat less junk food like the hamburger, the ice-cream and the potato chips.

correct_sentence: You won't have a healthy body unless you eat less junk food like hamburgers, ice-cream and potato chips.

error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 〈the〉 is not needed when listing the generic food names 〈ice-cream〉 and 〈potato chips〉. Therefore, 〈the〉 needs to be deleted to conform to English grammar.

error_sentence: Don't feel bad about yourself, relaxed and try to change the weight.
correct_sentence: Don't feel bad about yourself. Relax and try to change your weight.
error: , relaxed
correction: . Relax
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, two independent clauses need to be separated by a period to avoid a run-on sentence; in the original sentence, 〈Don't feel bad about yourself〉 and 'relaxed...' are two main clauses, so 〈, relaxed〉 is changed to 『. Relax』 to conform to grammar; ② PoS Confusion Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'to relax'; a verb should be used, so the adjective 〈relaxed〉 in the original sentence needs to be changed to the base form of the verb 『Relax』 to form an imperative sentence, fitting the context.

error_sentence: Don't feel bad about yourself, relaxed and try to change the weight.
correct_sentence: Relax and try to change your weight.
error: the
correction: your
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the determiner 〈the〉 in the original sentence does not accurately refer to 〈weight〉, so 〈the weight〉 needs to be changed to 『your weight』 to clarify possession.

error_sentence: I believe if you try, you will have a healthy body and happiness of life.

correct_sentence: I believe if you try, you will have a healthy body and a happy life.

error: happiness of
correction: a happy
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① PoS Confusion Error: According to the context, 〈happiness〉 is a noun form, while an adjective is needed here as an attributive to describe life; it should be changed to the adjective 『happy』, so 〈happiness〉 needs to be changed to 『happy』 to fit the context; ② Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the indefinite article 『a』 is needed to modify the generic singular countable noun 〈life〉, so 〈happiness of life〉 is changed to 『a happy life』 to conform to expression habits.