Writing prompt: Give A Helping Hand

Student essay:
One day,a girl fainted from hungry after PE class because she did not have breakfast at all.
Some teachers and students came here immediately.After knowing why she fainted away,they took her to the hospital at once in order that she was treated in time.
Eventually,the parents of the girl was so thankful that they sent a letter of thanks to the teachers and students who helped them a lot.We should try our best to help others.The better we do,the better the world is.

Corrected essay:
One day, a girl fainted from hunger after PE class because she did not have breakfast at all.
Some teachers and students came immediately. After knowing why she fainted, they took her to the hospital at once in order that she was treated in time.
Eventually, the parents of the girl were so thankful that they sent a letter of thanks to the teachers and students who helped them a lot. We should try our best to help others. The better we do, the better the world is.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: One day,a girl fainted from hungry after PE class because she did not have breakfast at all.

correct_sentence: One day, a girl fainted from hunger after PE class because she did not have breakfast at all.

error: hungry
correction: hunger
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion: The preposition 〈from〉 should be followed by a noun as its object to indicate cause; 〈hungry〉 is an adjective, meaning '饥饿的', therefore 〈hungry〉 is changed to 『hunger』 to meet grammatical and semantic requirements.

error_sentence: Some teachers and students came here immediately.
correct_sentence: Some teachers and students came immediately.
error: here
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy: According to English expression habits, the verb 〈came〉 itself already includes the meaning of 'came to this place'; 〈here〉 is redundant and does not conform to English expression habits. Deleting it makes the sentence more concise.

error_sentence: After knowing why she fainted away,they took her to the hospital at once in order that she was treated in time.

correct_sentence: After knowing why she fainted, they took her to the hospital at once in order that she was treated in time.

error: away
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy: The verb phrase 〈faint〉 itself can mean '昏倒', no need to add 〈away〉. Delete 『away』 to avoid redundancy and conform to verb collocation rules.

error_sentence: Eventually,the parents of the girl was so thankful that they sent a letter of thanks to the teachers and students who helped them a lot.
correct_sentence: Eventually, the parents of the girl were so thankful that they sent a letter of thanks to the teachers and students who helped them a lot.
error: was
correction: were
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: According to English grammar rules, the subject and predicate must agree in number. Here, the subject 〈parents〉 is plural, so the predicate verb needs to be in the plural form 『were』 instead of the singular form 〈was〉 to maintain subject-verb agreement.