Writing prompt: The Early Bird Catches the Worm

Student essay:
There is an old saying that the early bird catches the worm. It means that the more you give out, the more you'll receive. Someone may say that some triumphant people could easily arrive their goals without too much effort.
However,my opinion was actually opposite. THe reason why many renowned people would make achievements was that they were hardworking but not owing to their intelligence. For example, the greatest inventor Edison used to fail in his experiments again and again but never had he given up. As to me, I used to be incapable in athletics. In order to strengthen my body quality ,I took pleasurable advantage of my spare time to exercise. Despite the fact that the process was tough, eventually ,I succeeded in making my body more healthier.
It was just a sample of myself. Nevertheless no sooner had I trained than I overcame my laziness in terms of hard work. So It's time for you to catch the worm even though you are competent.

Corrected essay:
There is an old saying that the early bird catches the worm. It means that the more you give out, the more you'll receive. Someone may say that some triumphant people could easily achieve their goals without too much effort.
However, my opinion is actually the opposite. The reason why many renowned people made achievements was that they were hardworking, not owing to their intelligence. For example, the greatest inventor Edison used to fail in his experiments again and again but he never gave up. As for me, I used to be incapable in athletics. In order to strengthen my body quality, I took pleasurable advantage of my spare time to exercise. Despite the fact that the process was tough, eventually, I succeeded in making my body healthier.
It is just a sample of myself. Nevertheless, no sooner had I trained than I overcame my laziness in terms of hard work. So it's time for you to catch the worm even though you are competent.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Someone may say that some triumphant people could easily arrive their goals without too much effort.

correct_sentence: Someone may say that some triumphant people could easily achieve their goals without too much effort.
error: arrive
correction: achieve
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to English verb usage rules, 〈arrive〉 usually means 'to reach a specific place', while here it needs to express the meaning of 'achieving an abstract goal'. Therefore, 〈arrive〉 is changed to 『achieve』 (a-c-h-i-e-v-e), forming the fixed phrase 『achieve goals』 (achieve goals) to accurately express the semantics.

error_sentence: However,my opinion was actually opposite.
correct_sentence: However, my opinion is actually the opposite.
error: was actually
correction: is actually the
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: According to the principle of contextual tense consistency, the author is expressing a current opinion rather than a past state, so the past tense 〈was〉 is changed to the present tense 『is』, maintaining the present tense structure of 『the opposite is』; ② Determiner Error: According to English adjective usage rules, when 〈opposite〉 is used as a predicative adjective to mean 'the contrary situation', the definite article 『the』 needs to be added, forming the specific expression 『the opposite』.

error_sentence: THe reason why many renowned people would make achievements was that they were hardworking but not owing to their intelligence.
correct_sentence: The reason why many renowned people made achievements was that they were hardworking, not owing to their intelligence.
error: THe
correction: The
error_type: Case Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first word of the sentence 〈THe〉 has a capitalization error and should be changed to 『The』 (T capitalized, he lowercase) to conform to standard format.

error_sentence: THe reason why many renowned people would make achievements was that they were hardworking but not owing to their intelligence.
correct_sentence: The reason why many renowned people made achievements was that they were hardworking, not owing to their intelligence.
error: would make
correction: made
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the rules of tense agreement in main and subordinate clauses, the simple past tense should be used when the main clause describes a past fact. The subjunctive mood 〈would make〉 is changed to the past tense 『made』, forming the correct tense expression 『he made progress』.

error_sentence: THe reason why many renowned people would make achievements was that they were hardworking but not owing to their intelligence.
correct_sentence: The reason why many renowned people made achievements was that they were hardworking, not owing to their intelligence.
error: but
correction: ,
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: According to logical relationship analysis, 〈but〉 indicates a contrasting relationship, but here the latter part of the sentence is actually an explanation. Therefore, the conjunction 〈but〉 needs to be replaced with a comma to separate the two sentence components, and 〈not owing to...〉 (rather than attributed to...) is used as a supplementary explanation to make the meaning more coherent.

error_sentence: For example, the greatest inventor Edison used to fail in his experiments again and again but never had he given up.
correct_sentence: For example, the greatest inventor Edison used to fail in his experiments again and again but he never gave up.
error: never had he given
correction: he never gave
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Word Order Error: According to English inversion rules, inversion is only required when a negative adverb is placed at the beginning of the sentence. Here, the main clause is already introduced by the conjunction 〈but〉, so the normal word order 『he never gave』 (subject + predicate) standard structure should be maintained; ② Verb Tense Error: According to contextual tense requirements, 〈had given〉 as the past perfect tense conflicts with the past tense of the main clause, so it is changed to the simple past tense 『gave』, forming the coherent tense expression 『but he never gave up』.

error_sentence: As to me, I used to be incapable in athletics.
correct_sentence: As for me, I used to be incapable in athletics.
error: to
correction: for
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English fixed phrase rules, 〈as to〉 is usually used in formal written language to mean 'regarding', while here it needs to express the colloquial transition 'as for', so it is changed to the more commonly used 『as for』 (a-s + f-o-r) to conform to daily expression habits.

error_sentence: Despite the fact that the process was tough, eventually ,I succeeded in making my body more healthier.

correct_sentence: Despite the fact that the process was tough, eventually, I succeeded in making my body healthier.

error: more
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to English comparative formation rules, 〈healthier〉 (healthy+er) is already in the comparative form, and adding 〈more〉 would cause a double comparative error. The redundant 『more』 is deleted, retaining 『healthier』 to conform to grammatical norms.

error_sentence: It was just a sample of myself.
correct_sentence: It is just a sample of myself.
error: was
correction: is
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the principle of contextual tense consistency, describing a current objective fact requires the simple present tense, so the past tense 〈was〉 is changed to the present tense 『is』, forming the correct tense expression 『It is just a sample of myself.』.

error_sentence: Nevertheless no sooner had I trained than I overcame my laziness in terms of hard work.
correct_sentence: Nevertheless, no sooner had I trained than I overcame my laziness in terms of hard work.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English usage rules for adverbial conjunctions, when 〈Nevertheless〉 is used as a sentence adverb to introduce a concessive relationship, it must be followed by a comma for separation. Therefore, 『,』 (comma + space) is added to form the standard format 『Nevertheless,』.

error_sentence: So It's time for you to catch the worm even though you are competent.
correct_sentence: So it's time for you to catch the worm even though you are competent.
error: It
correction: it
error_type: Case Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Case Error: According to English pronoun writing rules, the pronoun 〈It〉 in a non-initial position in the sentence should be lowercase, changed to 『it』 (i lowercase) to conform to the basic norm that 'pronouns are not capitalized mid-sentence'.