Writing prompt: A Touching Thing

Student essay:
Now,there is always someone fainting in the street but most of the people will only see but doing nothing.And last February,our school happened a touching thing which let us see the warmth of the world.
During a break of February a student fainted.As soon as some other students saw this,they called for help and sent her to the hospital at the first time so she got treatment just on time.After hearing about this,her parents hurried to the hospital to see her and show their appreciation to the students who sent their child to the hospital.
This could not only let us but also other people learn the importance of helping others,the people who always help others could also be helped when they are in trouble.Please remember this whenever you see other people that need help,helping others is helping yourself.

Corrected essay:
Now, there is always someone fainting in the street but most people will only see and do nothing. And last February, a touching thing happened at our school which let us see the warmth of the world.
During a break in February a student fainted. As soon as some other students saw this, they called for help and sent her to the hospital immediately so she got treatment just in time. After hearing about this, her parents hurried to the hospital to see her and showed their appreciation to the students who sent their child to the hospital.
This could not only teach us but also others the importance of helping others. People who always help others can also be helped when they are in trouble. Please remember this: whenever you see other people who need help, helping others is helping yourself.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Now,there is always someone fainting in the street but most of the people will only see but doing nothing.
correct_sentence: Now, there is always someone fainting in the street but most people will only see and do nothing.
error: of the
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy: According to the context, 『most people』 directly expresses “most people”; 〈of the〉 in the original sentence is a redundant component, so it needs to be deleted to make the sentence more concise and semantically clear.

error_sentence: Now,there is always someone fainting in the street but most of the people will only see but doing nothing.
correct_sentence: Now, there is always someone fainting in the street but most people will only see and do nothing.
error: but doing
correction: and do
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Conjunction Error: According to the context, the parallel actions 〈see〉 and 〈doing〉 should have a parallel relationship rather than a contrast, so 『and』 should be used instead of 〈but〉 to fit the semantics; ② Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈will〉 should be followed by the base form of the verb, so 〈doing〉 in the original sentence needs to be changed to 『do』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: And last February,our school happened a touching thing which let us see the warmth of the world.

correct_sentence: And last February, a touching thing happened at our school which let us see the warmth of the world.

error: our school happened
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Order Error: According to the context, the word order of the subject and verb in the sentence is incorrect; the correct structure should be 〈a touching thing〉 as the subject, followed by the verb 〈happened〉 and an adverbial of place, so 〈our school happened〉 needs to be deleted and the word order adjusted to fit the semantics.

error_sentence: And last February,our school happened a touching thing which let us see the warmth of the world.

correct_sentence: And last February, a touching thing happened at our school which let us see the warmth of the world.

correction: happened at our school
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Order Error: According to the context, the word order of the subject and verb in the sentence is incorrect; the correct structure should be 〈a touching thing〉 as the subject, followed by the verb 〈happened〉 and an adverbial of place, so 『happened at our school』 needs to be added to clarify the location and action of the event, to fit the semantics.

error_sentence: During a break of February a student fainted.
correct_sentence: During a break in February a student fainted.
error: of
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English expression habits, when indicating a time range, the preposition 『in』 should be used instead of 〈of〉, so 〈of〉 needs to be changed to 『in』 to conform to convention.

error_sentence: As soon as some other students saw this,they called for help and sent her to the hospital at the first time so she got treatment just on time.
correct_sentence: As soon as some other students saw this, they called for help and sent her to the hospital immediately so she got treatment just in time.
error: at the first time
correction: immediately
error_type: Adverb Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Adverb Error: According to the context, the intention here is to express “immediately”; 〈at the first time〉 is not suitable for expressing immediacy, so 〈at the first time〉 needs to be changed to 『immediately』 to conform to idiomatic expression and context.

error_sentence: As soon as some other students saw this,they called for help and sent her to the hospital at the first time so she got treatment just on time.
correct_sentence: As soon as some other students saw this, they called for help and sent her to the hospital immediately so she got treatment just in time.
error: on
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English expression habits, the preposition 〈on〉 is not suitable for describing the precision of time, so 〈on〉 needs to be changed to 『in』 to correctly express the meaning and conform to convention.

error_sentence: After hearing about this,her parents hurried to the hospital to see her and show their appreciation to the students who sent their child to the hospital.

correct_sentence: After hearing about this, her parents hurried to the hospital to see her and showed their appreciation to the students who sent their child to the hospital.

error: show
correction: showed
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes a past event and should use the simple past tense, whereas 〈show〉 in the original sentence is in the simple present tense, so 〈show〉 needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『showed』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: This could not only let us but also other people learn the importance of helping others,the people who always help others could also be helped when they are in trouble.
correct_sentence: This could not only teach us but also others the importance of helping others.
error: let
correction: teach
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to the context, the sentence here means “to teach”; 〈let〉 in the original sentence emphasizes permission, so 〈let〉 needs to be changed to 『teach』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: This could not only let us but also other people learn the importance of helping others,the people who always help others could also be helped when they are in trouble.
correct_sentence: This could not only teach us but also others the importance of helping others.
error: other people learn
correction: others
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy: According to the context, 〈other people learn〉 is semantically redundant with the preceding 〈teach〉, so the redundant component 〈people learn〉 needs to be deleted, and 〈other〉 replaced with 『others』 to make the sentence concise.

error_sentence: This could not only let us but also other people learn the importance of helping others,the people who always help others could also be helped when they are in trouble.
correct_sentence: This could not only teach us but also others the importance of helping others. People who always help others can also be helped when they are in trouble.
error: ,the people
correction: . People
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, two independent clauses need to be separated by a period to avoid a run-on sentence; in the original sentence, 〈This could not only...〉 and 〈the people who...〉 are two main clauses, so 〈,〉 is changed to 『.』 to comply with grammar; ② Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the plural noun 〈People〉 cannot be modified by the article 〈the〉, so 〈the〉 needs to be deleted to conform to English grammar.

error_sentence: This could not only let us but also other people learn the importance of helping others,the people who always help others could also be helped when they are in trouble.
correct_sentence: People who always help others can also be helped when they are in trouble.
error: could
correction: can
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to English expression habits, when stating a general truth rather than a past possibility, the simple present tense should be used, so 〈could〉 needs to be changed to 『can』 to maintain tense consistency.

error_sentence: Please remember this whenever you see other people that need help,helping others is helping yourself.
correct_sentence: Please remember this: whenever you see other people who need help, helping others is helping yourself.
correction: :
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, when 〈this〉 is followed by explanatory content, a colon 『:』 is needed, so 『:』 needs to be added to improve the structural clarity of the sentence.

error_sentence: Please remember this whenever you see other people that need help,helping others is helping yourself.
correct_sentence: Please remember this: whenever you see other people who need help, helping others is helping yourself.
error: that
correction: who
error_type: Relative Word Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Relative Word Error: According to English expression habits, when modifying a person, the relative pronoun 『who』 should be used instead of 〈that〉, so 〈that〉 needs to be changed to 『who』 to conform to expression habits.