Writing prompt: Should High School Students Get Online Frequently?

Student essay:
Recently I've carried out a survey on whether high school students should get online and my classmates hold different opinions on it.
Some of them hold the view that getting online is good for us in many ways.For example,we are allowed to access more knowledge and broaden ours horizons,we can also communicate and share something meaningful with friends.Besides,it is a fun way to relaxed when we feel too tired.
But others are against the idea.They think it's a waste of time and energy. It may make us abandone ourselves to chatting online and computer games so that we lose interest in studying.As a result,our grades won't be improved.What's worse, keeping watching the computer screen does harm to our eyes.
They all have a point.But as we all know,every coin has two sides.So in my opinion,on the one hand,there are much useful information we need on the Internet,and we can have fun in our free time online.But on the other hand,we are supposed to spend the time online resonably.That would be better for us.

Corrected essay:
Recently I've carried out a survey on whether high school students should get online and my classmates hold different opinions on it.
Some of them hold the view that getting online is good for us in many ways. For example, we are allowed to access more knowledge and broaden our horizons. We can also communicate and share something meaningful with friends. Besides, it is a fun way to relax when we feel too tired.
But others are against the idea. They think it's a waste of time and energy. It may make us abandon ourselves to chatting online and computer games so that we lose interest in studying. As a result, our grades won't be improved. What's worse, keeping watching the computer screen does harm to our eyes.
They all have a point. But as we all know, every coin has two sides. So in my opinion, on the one hand, there is much useful information we need on the Internet, and we can have fun in our free time online. But on the other hand, we are supposed to spend time online reasonably. That would be better for us.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: For example,we are allowed to access more knowledge and broaden ours horizons,we can also communicate and share something meaningful with friends.
correct_sentence: For example, we are allowed to access more knowledge and broaden our horizons. We can also communicate and share something meaningful with friends.
error: ours horizons,we
correction: our horizons. We
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Pronoun Error: According to English grammar rules, the possessive pronoun 〈ours〉 (nominal possessive pronoun) should be changed to 『our』 (adjectival possessive pronoun) to correctly modify the noun 〈horizons〉, forming the structure 『our horizons』.; ② Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, a comma splice error has resulted in two independent clauses not being correctly separated; a period should be used after 〈horizons〉 to end the sentence, and the subsequent 〈we〉 should be changed to 『We』 (capitalized first letter) as the beginning of a new sentence.; ③ Space Error: According to English written expression norms, a space of one letter needs to be maintained between a punctuation mark (comma or period) and the following word; therefore, a space needs to be added and changed to 『. We』.; ④ Case Error: According to English grammar rules, the first word of the sentence 〈we〉 should be changed to 『We』 (capitalized first letter) to conform to sentence-initial writing conventions.

error_sentence: Besides,it is a fun way to relaxed when we feel too tired.

correct_sentence: Besides, it is a fun way to relax when we feel too tired.

error: relaxed
correction: relax
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to English infinitive structure rules, 〈to〉 should be followed by the base form of the verb, while 〈relaxed〉 is a past participle form; therefore, it needs to be changed to the base form 『relax』 to form the correct infinitive structure 『to relax』.

error_sentence: It may make us abandone ourselves to chatting online and computer games so that we lose interest in studying.
correct_sentence: It may make us abandon ourselves to chatting online and computer games so that we lose interest in studying.
error: abandone
correction: abandon
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English word spelling conventions, the verb 〈abandone〉 is misspelled; the correct spelling should be 『abandon』 (removing the final letter 〈e〉) to accurately express the meaning 'to abandon'.

error_sentence: So in my opinion,on the one hand,there are much useful information we need on the Internet,and we can have fun in our free time online.
correct_sentence: So in my opinion, on the one hand, there is much useful information we need on the Internet, and we can have fun in our free time online.
error: are
correction: is
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: According to English grammar rules, the subject 〈information〉 is an uncountable noun, and the predicate verb needs to be in the singular form; therefore, the plural verb 〈are〉 should be changed to the singular form 『is』 to maintain subject-verb agreement.

error_sentence: But on the other hand,we are supposed to spend the time online resonably.
correct_sentence: But on the other hand, we are supposed to spend time online reasonably.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English fixed collocation rules, the article 〈the〉 is not needed in the phrase 〈spend the time〉; delete 『the』 to conform to the idiomatic expression 『spend time』, expressing the meaning 'to spend time'.

error_sentence: But on the other hand,we are supposed to spend the time online resonably.
correct_sentence: But on the other hand, we are supposed to spend time online reasonably.
error: resonably
correction: reasonably
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English word spelling conventions, the adverb 〈resonably〉 is misspelled; the correct spelling should be 『reasonably』 (adding the letter 〈a〉) to correctly express the meaning 'reasonably'.