Writing prompt: Create a Green Campus

Student essay:
Nowadays, many big cities have serious environmental problems, for example, that the air is not fresh and that the pollution is more and more serious. The reasons are that the cars and the factories emission the gas and there are too many forests cut. So when a person inhales the harmful thing, it not only causes the disease like lung cancer but also does harm to health. I suggest that the government control the number of the cars and stop the factories from polluting the river as well as the air. What's more, I think that we should go out on foot or by bus.

Corrected essay:
Nowadays, many big cities have serious environmental problems, for example, the air is not fresh and the pollution is more and more serious. The reasons are that the cars and the factories emit gas and too many forests are cut down. So when a person inhales the harmful thing, it not only causes diseases like lung cancer but also does harm to health. I suggest that the government control the number of cars and stop the factories from polluting the rivers as well as the air. What's more, I think that we should go out on foot or by bus.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Nowadays, many big cities have serious environmental problems, for example, that the air is not fresh and that the pollution is more and more serious.
correct_sentence: Nowadays, many big cities have serious environmental problems, for example, the air is not fresh and the pollution is more and more serious.
error: that
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy: After 〈for example〉 in the sentence, examples follow directly, no need for the relative word 〈that〉; 〈that〉 here has no grammatical or semantic meaning, so 『that』 needs to be deleted to make the sentence conform to English expression habits.

error_sentence: Nowadays, many big cities have serious environmental problems, for example, that the air is not fresh and that the pollution is more and more serious.
correct_sentence: Nowadays, many big cities have serious environmental problems, for example, the air is not fresh and the pollution is more and more serious.
error: that
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy: After 〈for example〉 in the sentence, examples follow directly, no need for the relative word 〈that〉; 〈that〉 here has no grammatical or semantic meaning, so 『that』 needs to be deleted to make the sentence conform to English expression habits.

error_sentence: The reasons are that the cars and the factories emission the gas and there are too many forests cut.
correct_sentence: The reasons are that the cars and the factories emit gas and too many forests are cut down.
error: emission the
correction: emit
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① PoS Confusion: In this sentence, 〈emission〉 is a noun, which does not fit the current context, a PoS confusion; a verb form is needed here, so 〈emission〉 needs to be changed to 『emit』; ② Word Redundancy: In the original text 〈emit the gas〉, 'gas' here is not specific, which is an article usage error; 'the' should be removed, and it should be modified to 『emit gas』.

error_sentence: The reasons are that the cars and the factories emission the gas and there are too many forests cut.
correct_sentence: The reasons are that the cars and the factories emit gas and too many forests are cut down.
error: there are
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence uses the 'there be' pattern, but the verb 〈cut〉 appears later, leading to a sentence structure error and an unclear predicate verb; therefore, 〈there are〉 can be removed to form a structurally clear sentence.

error_sentence: The reasons are that the cars and the factories emission the gas and there are too many forests cut.
correct_sentence: The reasons are that the cars and the factories emit gas and too many forests are cut down.
error: cut
correction: are cut down
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Verb Voice Error: The original meaning here is that forests are cut down, so the passive voice needs to be used, and it should be modified to 『forests are cut』; ② The phrase 〈many forests are cut〉 uses 'cut' to mean trees are chopped, but the original intent is that trees are felled/cut down, so the phrasal verb 『cut down』 should be used to more accurately describe the act of felling.

error_sentence: So when a person inhales the harmful thing, it not only causes the disease like lung cancer but also does harm to health.
correct_sentence: So when a person inhales the harmful thing, it not only causes diseases like lung cancer but also does harm to health.
error: the disease
correction: diseases
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: In the sentence, 〈the disease〉 is in singular form, but in the original context, it refers to multiple diseases, and the word 'disease' is a countable noun, so it needs to be changed to the plural form 『diseases』 to better express the original meaning.

error_sentence: I suggest that the government control the number of the cars and stop the factories from polluting the river as well as the air.
correct_sentence: I suggest that the government control the number of cars and stop the factories from polluting the rivers as well as the air.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: In the sentence, 〈cars〉 refers to general cars, a generic reference, not specific cars; the determiner 〈the〉 is an unnecessary definite article, redundant in 〈number of cars〉, so 〈the〉 should be deleted to make it conform to standard English expression.

error_sentence: I suggest that the government control the number of the cars and stop the factories from polluting the river as well as the air.
correct_sentence: I suggest that the government control the number of cars and stop the factories from polluting the rivers as well as the air.
error: river
correction: rivers
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: In this sentence, 〈river〉 is in singular form, but in the original context, it refers to multiple rivers; the plural form should be used, changing 〈river〉 to 『rivers』 to better express the original meaning.