Writing prompt: Sima Guang's Childhood

Student essay:
Once upon a time, there was a fourteen-year-old girl Mary, which loved her hair a lot.
However, she began to lose her hair without reasons, which made her feel unhappy and inferiority. She then tried many medicines, but still failed to plant her hair.
Mary thought it over and over. One night, she was having a magical dream. A man came to Mary and showed her some plants. "This kind of grass can cure your hairs' problem." He said, and left with a smile. On the next day, she found the plant was just on her bed and she tried it happily at once.
As the man said, Mary's hair grew much faster than before. She was pretty surprised and cheerful. As she thought: why not sold the magical plant as a product? Then more persons like me can be confident again!
She just did what she thought. In the end, she became rich and never felt worry about her hair again.

Corrected essay:
Once upon a time, there was a fourteen-year-old girl Mary, who loved her hair a lot.
However, she began to lose her hair without reason, which made her feel unhappy and inferior. She then tried many medicines, but still failed to regrow her hair.
Mary thought it over and over. One night, she was having a magical dream. A man came to Mary and showed her some plants. "This kind of grass can cure your hair problem," he said, and left with a smile. On the next day, she found the plant was just on her bed and she tried it happily at once.
As the man said, Mary's hair grew much faster than before. She was pretty surprised and cheerful. She thought: why not sell the magical plant as a product? Then more persons like me can be confident again!
She did just what she thought. In the end, she became rich and never felt worried about her hair again.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Once upon a time, there was a fourteen-year-old girl Mary, which loved her hair a lot.

correct_sentence: Once upon a time, there was a fourteen-year-old girl Mary, who loved her hair a lot.

error: which
correction: who
error_type: Relative Word Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Relative Word Error: The relative pronoun 〈which〉 is used to refer to things, while here it needs to refer to the person 〈Mary〉, so 〈which〉 is changed to 『who』 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: However, she began to lose her hair without reasons, which made her feel unhappy and inferiority.
correct_sentence: However, she began to lose her hair without reason, which made her feel unhappy and inferior.
error: reasons
correction: reason
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Number Error: The phrase 『without reason』 is a fixed expression meaning 'no reason', so 〈reasons〉 is changed to 『reason』 to conform to idiomatic usage.

error_sentence: However, she began to lose her hair without reasons, which made her feel unhappy and inferiority.
correct_sentence: However, she began to lose her hair without reason, which made her feel unhappy and inferior.
error: inferiority
correction: inferior
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: 〈feel〉 should be followed by an adjective as a predicative, while 〈inferiority〉 is a noun, so 〈inferiority〉 is changed to 『inferior』 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: She then tried many medicines, but still failed to plant her hair.

correct_sentence: She then tried many medicines, but still failed to regrow her hair.

error: plant
correction: regrow
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: The verb 〈plant〉 means 'to plant (as in agriculture)', which does not fit the context of 'regrowing hair'; 『regrow』 is more accurate, so 〈plant〉 is changed to 『regrow』 to clarify the intended action.

error_sentence: "This kind of grass can cure your hairs' problem." He said, and left with a smile.
correct_sentence: "This kind of grass can cure your hair problem," he said, and left with a smile.
error: hairs' problem." He
correction: hair problem," he
error_type: Noun Possessive Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Noun Possessive Error: 〈hair〉 is an uncountable noun and does not require the possessive form 〈's〉, so 〈hairs' problem〉 is changed to 『hair problem』 to correctly express 'hair problem'; ② Punctuation Error: In direct speech, if the quoted part is a complete sentence, a comma 『,』 should be used to separate the speech from the reporting clause. In the original sentence, a comma should precede 〈He said〉 instead of a period, so 〈problem." He〉 is changed to 『problem," he』 to conform to punctuation rules.

error_sentence: As she thought: why not sold the magical plant as a product?
correct_sentence: She thought: why not sell the magical plant as a product?
error: As she
correction: She
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: The 〈As〉 at the beginning of the sentence is unnecessary and redundant, leading to an ungrammatical sentence structure, so 〈As she〉 is changed to 『She』 to make the sentence structure correct.

error_sentence: As she thought: why not sold the magical plant as a product?
correct_sentence: She thought: why not sell the magical plant as a product?
error: sold
correction: sell
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: The pattern 'why not + base form of verb' expresses a suggestion, so the past tense 〈sold〉 is changed to the base form 『sell』 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: She just did what she thought.
correct_sentence: She did just what she thought.
error: just did
correction: did just

error_sentence: In the end, she became rich and never felt worry about her hair again.
correct_sentence: In the end, she became rich and never felt worried about her hair again.
error: worry
correction: worried
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: 〈felt〉 is a linking verb and should be followed by an adjective as a predicative, while 〈worry〉 is a verb, so 〈worry〉 is changed to 『worried』 to conform to grammatical rules.