Writing prompt: Madam C. J. Walker

Student essay:
Madam C. J. Walker was a girl who always losing hair. She fell so sad that she tried many medicines. However,none was useful.
One evening she dreamed there is a man who showed her some plants which could let her don't lose hair any more. When she got up she tried the plants at once. A few days later her hair grew faster and didn't lose any more. She was very happy. Suddenly a fresh idea come into his mind,why not sell the plants to others?
A few months later she began to sell the plants as the hair products. That made her lots of money.

Corrected essay:
Madam C. J. Walker was a girl who was always losing hair. She felt so sad that she tried many medicines. However, none were useful.
One evening she dreamed there was a man who showed her some plants which could let her not lose hair anymore. When she got up she tried the plants at once. A few days later her hair grew faster and didn't fall out anymore. She was very happy. Suddenly a fresh idea came into her mind: why not sell the plants to others?
A few months later she began to sell the plants as hair products. That made her lots of money.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Madam C. J. Walker was a girl who always losing hair.
correct_sentence: Madam C. J. Walker was a girl who was always losing hair.
correction: was
error_type: Auxiliary Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Auxiliary Error: According to the past continuous tense structure, it requires the form “was/were + V-ing”. The original sentence lacks an auxiliary verb; 『was』 should be added to form the complete structure 『who was always losing hair』, conforming to the past continuous tense grammatical rules.

error_sentence: She fell so sad that she tried many medicines.
correct_sentence: She felt so sad that she tried many medicines.
error: fell
correction: felt
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Spelling Error: 〈fell〉 is the simple past tense of “fall” (to drop). According to the context, the intention here is to express “feeling sad”, so 〈fell〉 is inconsistent with emotional expression and is a spelling error. The simple past tense of the sensory verb “feel” (to sense), which is 『felt』, should be used to accurately convey the emotional state of “feeling sad”; ② Verb Tense Error: To maintain tense consistency with the context, the sensory verb 〈feel〉 needs to be changed to its past tense form 『felt』, correctly corresponding with the past tense of the main clause.

error_sentence: However,none was useful.

correct_sentence: However, none were useful.

error: was
correction: were
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: When the pronoun 〈none〉 refers to the plural noun 〈medicines〉, the linking verb needs to be in the plural form. Change the singular 〈was〉 to the plural 『were』, conforming to the requirement that the predicate in the “none of + plural noun” structure takes a plural form.

error_sentence: One evening she dreamed there is a man who showed her some plants which could let her don't lose hair any more.
correct_sentence: One evening she dreamed there was a man who showed her some plants which could let her not lose hair anymore.
error: is
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: The tenses of the main clause and subordinate clause need to be consistent. The main clause 〈dreamed〉 is in the past tense, while the subordinate clause 〈there is〉 is in the simple present tense; it should be adjusted accordingly to the simple past tense 『there was』 to maintain logical tense unity.

error_sentence: One evening she dreamed there is a man who showed her some plants which could let her don't lose hair any more.
correct_sentence: One evening she dreamed there was a man who showed her some plants which could let her not lose hair anymore.
error: don't
correction: not
error_type: Auxiliary Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Auxiliary Error: In the “let someone do” structure, the negative form should be made by adding 『not』 before 〈lose〉, not by using the auxiliary verb 〈don't〉. Change the auxiliary verb structure 〈don't lose〉 to the correct form 『not lose』, conforming to the grammatical rule of “let sb. not do”.

error_sentence: One evening she dreamed there is a man who showed her some plants which could let her don't lose hair any more.
correct_sentence: One evening she dreamed there was a man who showed her some plants which could let her not lose hair anymore.
error: any more
correction: anymore
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to adverb usage rules, the adverb 〈any more〉 meaning “no longer” must be written as one word. Correct the incorrectly separated 〈any more〉 to 『anymore』, conforming to modern English spelling standards.

error_sentence: A few days later her hair grew faster and didn't lose any more.
correct_sentence: A few days later her hair grew faster and didn't fall out anymore.
error: lose any more
correction: fall out anymore
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Choice Error: 〈lose hair〉 emphasizes “losing” and is not accurate enough in the context of hair falling out; it should be changed to 『fall out』 (to shed) to more accurately describe the natural process of hair loss, the latter being more in line with medical expression habits; ② Space Error: According to adverb usage rules, the adverb 〈any more〉 meaning “no longer” must be written as one word. Correct the incorrectly separated 〈any more〉 to 『anymore』, conforming to modern English spelling standards.

error_sentence: Suddenly a fresh idea come into his mind,why not sell the plants to others?

correct_sentence: Suddenly a fresh idea came into her mind: why not sell the plants to others?

error: come into his mind,
correction: came into her mind:
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: To maintain consistency with the past tense throughout the text, change the base form 〈come〉 to the past tense 『came』, ensuring a coherent timeline; ② Pronoun Error: According to pronoun usage rules, when referring to the female pioneer 〈Madam C. J. Walker〉, the possessive pronoun must be 『her』. Correct the misused 〈his〉 to the correct gender pronoun 『her』; ③ Punctuation Error: According to punctuation usage rules, a colon 『:』 should be used before a direct quote instead of a comma 〈,〉. The comma 〈,〉 should be changed to a colon 『:』.

error_sentence: A few months later she began to sell the plants as the hair products.
correct_sentence: A few months later she began to sell the plants as hair products.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to definite article usage rules, when referring to a class of products in a general sense, the zero article should be used. Delete the superfluous 〈the〉, so that 『hair products』 conforms to the article usage rules for generic nouns.