Writing prompt: Ban Smoking in Public Places

Student essay:
Chinese government decide to ban to smoking in the public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China. Their target is no smoking in the public places by sticking bills. About 3.5 billions persons smoking in China while 75% are men others are women. What's more, about 5.4 billions people are influenced by the second-hand smoking. In addition to it, more than 100 millions persons die from the second-hand smoking a year.

Corrected essay:
The Chinese government decided to ban smoking in public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China. Their target is no smoking in public places by sticking up bills. About 350 million people smoke in China, 75% of whom are men and 25% are women. What's more, about 540 million people are influenced by second-hand smoke. In addition to it, more than 100 million people die from second-hand smoke a year.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Chinese government decide to ban to smoking in the public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China.
correct_sentence: The Chinese government decided to ban smoking in public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China.
correction: The
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the proper noun 〈Chinese government〉, as a specific institutional name, requires the definite article 『The』 before it to indicate specificity, thus it is modified to 『The Chinese government』.

error_sentence: Chinese government decide to ban to smoking in the public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China.
correct_sentence: The Chinese government decided to ban smoking in public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China.
error: decide
correction: decided
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the time adverbial 〈on Jan. 1st, 2011〉, the verb 〈decide〉 needs to be in the past tense to indicate an action that occurred in the past, therefore it is changed to 『decided』 to express the completion time of the event.

error_sentence: Chinese government decide to ban to smoking in the public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China.
correct_sentence: The Chinese government decided to ban smoking in public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China.
error: to
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to the usage of the verb 〈ban〉, it should be directly followed by a gerund to indicate the prohibited action, therefore the redundant 『to』 is deleted, changing it to 『ban smoking』 to conform to grammatical norms.

error_sentence: Chinese government decide to ban to smoking in the public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China.
correct_sentence: The Chinese government decided to ban smoking in public places on Jan. 1st, 2011 in China.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English usage norms, when 〈public places〉 is used as a generic concept, it does not require a definite article, therefore the redundant determiner 〈the〉 is deleted, changing it to 『public places』 to conform to English expression habits.

error_sentence: Their target is no smoking in the public places by sticking bills.
correct_sentence: Their target is no smoking in public places by sticking up bills.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English usage norms, when 〈public places〉 is used as a generic concept, it does not require a definite article, therefore the redundant determiner 〈the〉 is deleted, changing it to 『public places』 to conform to English expression habits.

error_sentence: Their target is no smoking in the public places by sticking bills.
correct_sentence: Their target is no smoking in public places by sticking up bills.
correction: up
error_type: Adverb Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Adverb Error: According to English usage norms, the verb phrase 〈sticking bills〉 needs the adverb 『up』 added to fully express the action of “posting”, therefore it is changed to 『sticking up bills』, conforming to the fixed collocation 『stick up』.

error_sentence: About 3.5 billions persons smoking in China while 75% are men others are women.
correct_sentence: About 350 million people smoke in China, 75% of whom are men and 25% are women.
error: 3.5 billions persons smoking
correction: 350 million people smoke
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Number Error: Numerical expression error, 〈3.5 billions〉 should be changed to 『350 million』, because “billion” in English usually means “one thousand million”, while “million” means “one million”, here it needs to conform to actual numerical expression; ② Noun Number Error: According to English expression norms, although 〈persons〉 is grammatically correct, 『people』 is more commonly used as the plural form in everyday English, therefore it is changed to 『people』; ③ Verb Tense Error: According to the sentence meaning, the base form of the verb 『smoke』 should be used here to express a general fact, not the gerund 〈smoking〉, therefore it is changed to 『About 350 million people smoke in China』.

error_sentence: About 3.5 billions persons smoking in China while 75% are men others are women.
correct_sentence: About 350 million people smoke in China, 75% of whom are men and 25% are women.
error: while
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English usage norms, the original sentence uses 〈while〉 to connect two clauses, but the logical relationship is not clear enough; it should be changed to a comma and the relative pronoun 『of whom』 added to form a non-restrictive relative clause, expressed completely as 『About 350 million people smoke in China, 75% of whom are men』.

error_sentence: About 3.5 billions persons smoking in China while 75% are men others are women.
correct_sentence: About 350 million people smoke in China, 75% of whom are men and 25% are women.
correction: of whom
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: According to English sentence writing norms, the relative pronoun 『of whom』 needs to be added to introduce a non-restrictive relative clause, modifying the preceding 〈350 million people〉, to make the sentence structure complete, therefore it is finally modified to 『About 350 million people smoke in China, 75% of whom are men』.

error_sentence: About 3.5 billions persons smoking in China while 75% are men others are women.
correct_sentence: About 350 million people smoke in China, 75% of whom are men and 25% are women.
error: others
correction: and 25%
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Conjunction Error: According to English parallel structure rules, the conjunction 『and』 needs to be added between the two percentage figures to ensure logical coherence, therefore it is modified to 『75% of whom are men and 25% are women』; ② Number Error: Parallel structures need to maintain formal consistency, the original 〈others〉 is unclear in its reference and should be changed to the explicit numerical value 『25%』 to form a contrast, therefore it is corrected to 『and 25% are women』.

error_sentence: What's more, about 5.4 billions people are influenced by the second-hand smoking.
correct_sentence: What's more, about 540 million people are influenced by second-hand smoke.
error: 5.4 billions
correction: 540 million
error_type: Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Number Error: After a specific number, 〈billions〉 should be in the singular form 『billion』, and the numerical expression needs to be accurate, therefore 〈5.4 billions〉 is changed to 『540 million』 to conform to correct numerical expression and avoid errors in numerical units.

error_sentence: What's more, about 5.4 billions people are influenced by the second-hand smoking.
correct_sentence: What's more, about 540 million people are influenced by second-hand smoke.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English determiner usage norms, the definite article 〈the〉 in the phrase 〈the second-hand smoking〉 is redundant, because 『second-hand smoke』 is a generic concept and does not require specific reference, so it is deleted and changed to 『second-hand smoke』.

error_sentence: What's more, about 5.4 billions people are influenced by the second-hand smoking.
correct_sentence: What's more, about 540 million people are influenced by second-hand smoke.
error: smoking
correction: smoke
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: According to fixed terminology usage norms, the noun 『smoke』 should be used instead of the gerund 〈smoking〉, therefore 〈second-hand smoking〉 is changed to 『second-hand smoke』 to express the concept of second-hand smoke more accurately.

error_sentence: In addition to it, more than 100 millions persons die from the second-hand smoking a year.
correct_sentence: In addition to it, more than 100 million people die from second-hand smoke a year.
error: millions persons
correction: million people
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Number Error: According to numerical expression norms, 〈million〉 is used in its singular form after a specific number, so 〈millions〉 is changed to 『million』 to conform to singular expression; ② Noun Number Error: According to English expression norms, although 〈persons〉 is grammatically correct, 『people』 is more commonly used as the plural form in everyday English, therefore it is changed to 『people』.

error_sentence: In addition to it, more than 100 millions persons die from the second-hand smoking a year.
correct_sentence: In addition to it, more than 100 million people die from second-hand smoke a year.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English determiner usage norms, the definite article 〈the〉 in the phrase 〈the second-hand smoking〉 is redundant, because 『second-hand smoke』 is a generic concept and does not require specific reference, so it is deleted and changed to 『second-hand smoke』.

error_sentence: In addition to it, more than 100 millions persons die from the second-hand smoking a year.
correct_sentence: In addition to it, more than 100 million people die from second-hand smoke a year.
error: smoking
correction: smoke
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Noun Error: According to fixed terminology usage norms, the noun 『smoke』 should be used instead of the gerund 〈smoking〉, therefore 〈second-hand smoking〉 is changed to 『second-hand smoke』 to express the concept of second-hand smoke more accurately.