Writing prompt: My Dream

Student essay:
When it comes to say about my dream,there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician,which is objected by my parents.\nThe most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives by my unremitting efforts,especially the children's.Furthermore,I feel it a great pleasure to get along with children because of their innocence.And maybe you'll consider me as a childish man, but during the period we get together with children,we can learn a lot from them beyond expectation.\nTo realize my dream,I will make a great effort to learn medical expertise.Undoubtedly,only this is far from enough.I'll participate in some activities which are related to children or sign up for a volunteer to help children which will make me a patient person and cultivate my good habits as well.

Corrected essay:
When it comes to saying about my dream, there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician, which is opposed by my parents.
The most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives through my unremitting efforts, especially the children's. Furthermore, I feel it is a great pleasure to get along with children because of their innocence. And maybe you'll consider me as a childish man, but during the period we get together with children, we can learn a lot from them beyond expectation.
To realize my dream, I will make a great effort to learn medical expertise. Undoubtedly, only this is far from enough. I'll participate in some activities which are related to children or sign up as a volunteer to help children, which will make me a patient person and cultivate my good habits as well.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: When it comes to say about my dream,there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician,which is objected by my parents.\nThe most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives by my unremitting efforts,especially the children's.
correct_sentence: When it comes to saying about my dream, there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician, which is opposed by my parents.

error: say
correction: saying
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to English grammar rules, a preposition should be followed by a gerund; in the phrase “when it comes to”, 〈to〉 is a preposition, therefore the base form of the verb 〈say〉 needs to be changed to 『saying』 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: When it comes to say about my dream,there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician,which is objected by my parents.\nThe most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives by my unremitting efforts,especially the children's.
correct_sentence: When it comes to saying about my dream, there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician, which is opposed by my parents.

error: objected
correction: opposed
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, it intends to express 'being rejected by parents'. The word 〈objected〉 means 'to disapprove of, not agree with', and is often used with the preposition 'to', while the word 'opposed' is often paired with the preposition 'by' to form the fixed phrase 'opposed by somebody' meaning 'to be opposed by someone'. Therefore, 〈objected〉 should be changed to 『opposed』 here to match the original meaning and fixed collocation.

error_sentence: When it comes to say about my dream,there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician,which is objected by my parents.\nThe most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives by my unremitting efforts,especially the children's.
correct_sentence: When it comes to saying about my dream, there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician, which is opposed by my parents.
 The most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives through my unremitting efforts, especially the children's.
error: parents.\nThe
correction: parents.
The
error_type: Format Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Format Error: According to the original context and semantics, the paragraph needs to start a new line after 〈my parents〉 to introduce new content. Therefore, a newline character 『\n』 needs to be added after 〈my parents〉 to conform to English writing format.

error_sentence: When it comes to say about my dream,there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician,which is objected by my parents.\nThe most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives by my unremitting efforts,especially the children's.
correct_sentence: The most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives through my unremitting efforts, especially the children's.
error: by
correction: through
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, the preposition 'by' usually indicates means or method. However, when referring to achieving something through continuous effort or process, using the preposition 'through' is more idiomatic and emphasizes the process. Therefore, 〈by〉 should be changed to 『through』 here to conform to the original sentence and grammatical rules.

error_sentence: When it comes to say about my dream,there is no doubt that I'm eager to be a pediatrician,which is objected by my parents.\nThe most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives by my unremitting efforts,especially the children's.
correct_sentence: The most significant reason why I'm dreaming of being a pediatrician is that I think it will give me a sense of accomplishment if I can save people's lives through my unremitting efforts, especially the children's.
error: children's
correction: children's

error_sentence: Furthermore,I feel it a great pleasure to get along with children because of their innocence.
correct_sentence: Furthermore, I feel it is a great pleasure to get along with children because of their innocence.
correction: is
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: According to the original sentence's meaning, it intends to express 'I think it is a great honor/pleasure...', where 'it' acts as a formal object; therefore, the original sentence lacks a be-verb, resulting in an incomplete sentence structure. 『is』 needs to be added after 〈it〉 to make the sentence complete and conform to the original meaning.

error_sentence: And maybe you'll consider me as a childish man, but during the period we get together with children,we can learn a lot from them beyond expectation.\nTo realize my dream,I will make a great effort to learn medical expertise.
correct_sentence: And maybe you'll consider me as a childish man, but during the period we get together with children, we can learn a lot from them beyond expectation.
 To realize my dream, I will make a great effort to learn medical expertise.
error: expectation.\nTo
correction: expectation.
To
error_type: Format Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Format Error: According to the original context and semantics, the paragraph needs to start a new line after 〈expectaton〉 to introduce new content. Therefore, a newline character 『\n』 needs to be added after 〈expectaton〉 to conform to English writing format.

error_sentence: I'll participate in some activities which are related to children or sign up for a volunteer to help children which will make me a patient person and cultivate my good habits as well.
correct_sentence: I'll participate in some activities which are related to children or sign up as a volunteer to help children, which will make me a patient person and cultivate my good habits as well.
error: I'll
correction: I'll

error_sentence: I'll participate in some activities which are related to children or sign up for a volunteer to help children which will make me a patient person and cultivate my good habits as well.
correct_sentence: I'll participate in some activities which are related to children or sign up as a volunteer to help children, which will make me a patient person and cultivate my good habits as well.
error: for
correction: as
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, the phrasal verb 'sign up' means 'to enroll'. 'for' is usually used to indicate the activity or thing one signs up for (e.g., 'sign up for a course'). The original sentence intends to express 'signing up as a volunteer'; when signing up in a certain capacity, the preposition 'as' is required. Therefore, 〈for〉 needs to be changed to 『as』 to conform to the original meaning and grammatical rules.

error_sentence: I'll participate in some activities which are related to children or sign up for a volunteer to help children which will make me a patient person and cultivate my good habits as well.
correct_sentence: I'll participate in some activities which are related to children or sign up as a volunteer to help children, which will make me a patient person and cultivate my good habits as well.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English syntactic rules, a non-restrictive relative clause needs to be separated from the main clause by a comma. Therefore, a comma 『, 』 needs to be added before the non-restrictive relative clause introduced by 〈which〉 to conform to syntactic rules.