Writing prompt: My First Day at High School

Student essay:
Monday, Sept.3
Today was the first day of my new life. I looked at my new books and checked everything for the new school year. I was excited as well as worried.
What made me excited was the school I would study in is my dream school, it has many good teachers and the environment of the school is good as well. But I was not sure if I would get on well with my classmates. When I got to school, I was glad to find that all my teachers and classmates were friendly. That made me was not nervous any more and made me feel free and comfortable. When I left school, I thought I wouldn't be worried any longer. What's more, now I believe I'll have a good time together with my classmates. It is really a wonderful day!

Corrected essay:
Monday, Sept. 3
Today was the first day of my new life. I looked at my new books and checked everything for the new school year. I was excited as well as worried.
What made me excited was the school I would study in was my dream school. It has many good teachers and the environment of the school is good as well. But I was not sure if I would get on well with my classmates. When I got to school, I was glad to find that all my teachers and classmates were friendly. That made me not nervous any more and made me feel free and comfortable. When I left school, I thought I wouldn't be worried any longer. What's more, now I believe I'll have a good time together with my classmates. It was really a wonderful day!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Monday, Sept.3
Today was the first day of my new life.
correct_sentence: Monday, Sept. 3
Today was the first day of my new life.
error: Sept.3
correction: Sept. 3
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: Based on English date writing requirements, a necessary space is missing between the month abbreviation and the day number, leading to an incorrect format; 〈Sept.3〉 needs to be changed to 『Sept. 3』 to conform to standard writing format.

error_sentence: What made me excited was the school I would study in is my dream school, it has many good teachers and the environment of the school is good as well.
correct_sentence: What made me excited was the school I would study in was my dream school.
error: is
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: In this sentence, the main clause verb 〈made〉 is in the past tense. According to the principle of tense consistency between main and subordinate clauses in English grammar, the verb in the subordinate clause describing a past state should also be in the past tense. In the original sentence, 〈is〉 is in the simple present tense, which does not fit the context, and should be changed to the past tense 『was』 to maintain tense consistency.

error_sentence: What made me excited was the school I would study in is my dream school, it has many good teachers and the environment of the school is good as well.
correct_sentence: What made me excited was the school I would study in was my dream school. It has many good teachers and the environment of the school is good as well.
error: , it
correction: . It
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: In the original sentence, “the school I would study in was my dream school” and “it has many good teachers and the environment of the school is good as well” are two independent main clauses. They cannot be connected only by a comma, resulting in a comma splice error. 〈, it〉 should be changed to 『. It』 to correctly separate the two sentences.

error_sentence: That made me was not nervous any more and made me feel free and comfortable.
correct_sentence: That made me not nervous any more and made me feel free and comfortable.
error: was
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to English grammar rules, the verb 〈made〉 is commonly used in the structure “make sb. + adjective,” meaning “to cause someone to be in a certain state.” The linking verb 〈was〉 is not needed here. The original sentence includes an extra 〈was〉, leading to a redundant and incorrect sentence structure; 〈was〉 should be deleted.

error_sentence: It is really a wonderful day!
correct_sentence: It was really a wonderful day!
error: is
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: From the context of the entire text, it describes a past experience, and the past tense is used throughout. In the original sentence, 〈is〉 is in the simple present tense, which is inconsistent with the overall tense of the text, and should be changed to the past tense 『was』 to make the sentence tense conform to the overall context.