Writing prompt: The Early Bird Catches the Worm

Student essay:
The early bird catches the worm.This proverb means that if you study hard,you will succeed.
Once I have failed in an examination.I felt depressed.The fact proved is lazy led to my failure.My mother encouraged me,"It is good to be clever,but it is better to be industrious.Give yourself to diligent study and you will certainly succeed."Listened to mum's words I saw light suddenly.I decided to start studying hard.Then,I got up early to review lessons every day.I listened carefully in the class.I asked teachers for help as soon as I have questions.And hard I beat down me.A few days later,I succeed in the next exam.
So,diligence leads to success.We should be industrious.

Corrected essay:
The early bird catches the worm. This proverb means that if you study hard, you will succeed.
Once I failed in an examination. I felt depressed. The fact proved that laziness led to my failure. My mother encouraged me, "It is good to be clever, but it is better to be industrious. Give yourself to diligent study and you will certainly succeed." Listening to my mum's words, I saw the light suddenly. I decided to start studying hard. Then, I got up early to review lessons every day. I listened carefully in class. I asked teachers for help as soon as I had questions. And I beat down the difficulties. A few days later, I succeeded in the next exam.
So, diligence leads to success. We should be industrious.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Once I have failed in an examination.
correct_sentence: Once I failed in an examination.
error: have
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, 〈Once〉 indicates that the event occurred at a specific point in the past, so the simple past tense should be used; however, 〈have failed〉 in the original sentence is in the present perfect tense, so it needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『failed』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: The fact proved is lazy led to my failure.
correct_sentence: The fact proved that laziness led to my failure.
error: is lazy
correction: that laziness
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Conjunction Error: According to English grammar rules, 『that』 is needed to introduce the clause after 〈The fact proved〉; 〈is〉 in the original sentence cannot serve as a conjunction, so 〈is〉 is changed to 『that』 to clarify the clause structure; ② PoS Confusion Error: According to the context, 〈lazy〉 is an adjective, but a noun is needed here as the subject; it should be changed to the noun 『laziness』, so 〈lazy〉 is modified to 『laziness』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: My mother encouraged me,"It is good to be clever,but it is better to be industrious.
correct_sentence: My mother encouraged me, "It is good to be clever, but it is better to be industrious.
error: me,"It
correction: me, "It
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to English writing conventions, a comma should precede direct speech, and a space should follow the quotation mark; the original sentence 〈me,"It〉 lacks the necessary space, so it needs to be modified to 『me, "It』 to conform to the convention.

error_sentence: Give yourself to diligent study and you will certainly succeed."Listened to mum's words I saw light suddenly.
correct_sentence: Give yourself to diligent study and you will certainly succeed." Listening to my mum's words, I saw the light suddenly.
error: "Listened to
correction: " Listening to my
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to the context, a present participle form indicating a concurrent state is required here; 〈Listened〉 in the original sentence does not fit the semantic logic of a concurrent action, so it is changed to the present participle 『Listening』 as an adverbial of accompaniment to fit the context; ② Pronoun Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈mum〉 in the original sentence lacks a necessary determiner to specify the object; therefore, 『my』 needs to be added before 〈mum〉 to clarify the possessive relationship.

error_sentence: Give yourself to diligent study and you will certainly succeed."Listened to mum's words I saw light suddenly.
correct_sentence: Listening to my mum's words, I saw the light suddenly.
correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, the adverbial clause 〈Listened to mum's words〉, as an independent component, needs to be separated from the main clause by a comma; therefore, 〈Listened to mum's words〉 is modified to 『Listening to my mum's words,』 to comply with English punctuation usage rules.

error_sentence: Give yourself to diligent study and you will certainly succeed."Listened to mum's words I saw light suddenly.
correct_sentence: Listening to my mum's words, I saw the light suddenly.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 『the』 indicates specificity; in the original sentence, 〈light〉 is a countable noun and here specifically refers to 'an epiphany', so 『the』 needs to be added before 〈light〉 to clarify the meaning.

error_sentence: I listened carefully in the class.
correct_sentence: I listened carefully in class.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, the definite article 〈the〉 indicates specificity; the original phrase 〈in the class〉 does not require an article as it refers to a general concept here, so 〈in the class〉 needs to be modified to 『in class』 to conform to English expression habits.

error_sentence: I asked teachers for help as soon as I have questions.
correct_sentence: I asked teachers for help as soon as I had questions.
error: have
correction: had
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the main clause verb 〈asked〉 is in the past tense, so the subordinate clause should use the simple past tense; however, 〈have〉 in the original sentence is in the simple present tense, so it needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『had』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: And hard I beat down me.
correct_sentence: And I beat down the difficulties.
error: hard
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to the context, 〈hard〉 in the original sentence is semantically redundant with the following 〈beat down〉, causing word redundancy; therefore, 〈hard〉 needs to be deleted to make the sentence more concise.

error_sentence: And hard I beat down me.
correct_sentence: And I beat down the difficulties.
error: me
correction: the difficulties
error_type: Noun Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Error: According to the context, the meaning here is 'difficulties'; in the original sentence, 〈me〉 as an object does not fit the sentence's meaning, so 〈me〉 is changed to 『the difficulties』 to be more semantically logical.

error_sentence: A few days later,I succeed in the next exam.

correct_sentence: A few days later, I succeeded in the next exam.

error: succeed
correction: succeeded
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the simple past tense should be used here; however, 〈succeed〉 in the original sentence is in the simple present tense, so it needs to be changed to the simple past tense 『succeeded』 to fit the context.