Writing prompt: A Country Strengthens along with Its Country

Student essay:
After struggling with countless difficulties,Chinese people have obtained independence of their own countries,which is a symbol of achieving a lot in national rejuvenation and they are carrying on with the cause.
The efforts of the young generation are a necessity for the great renewal of China,as a country strengthens along with it. Without the young generation,a country cannot develop as quickly as possible.
Gaining immense glory for his country,China,Ning Zetao,a young swimmer,won four gold medals in the 17th Asian Games. What impresses us the most is his excellent performance is the 100m freestyle race,where he made a breakthrough in the Asian record.
By reading more books and participating in more social activities,we can broaden our horizon and equip our brains with knowledge.We ought to keep trying hard to improve our skills,raising us to a higher level.Only in this way can we contribute more to our country.

Corrected essay:
After struggling with countless difficulties, Chinese people have obtained independence for their own country, which is a symbol of achieving a lot in national rejuvenation and they are carrying on with the cause.
The efforts of the young generation are a necessity for the great renewal of China, as the country strengthens along with it. Without the young generation, a country cannot develop as quickly as possible.
Gaining immense glory for his country, China, Ning Zetao, a young swimmer, won four gold medals in the 17th Asian Games. What impresses us the most is his excellent performance in the 100m freestyle race, where he made a breakthrough in the Asian record.
By reading more books and participating in more social activities, we can broaden our horizons and equip our brains with knowledge. We ought to keep trying hard to improve our skills, raising us to a higher level. Only in this way can we contribute more to our country.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: After struggling with countless difficulties,Chinese people have obtained independence of their own countries,which is a symbol of achieving a lot in national rejuvenation and they are carrying on with the cause.

correct_sentence: After struggling with countless difficulties, Chinese people have obtained independence for their own country, which is a symbol of achieving a lot in national rejuvenation and they are carrying on with the cause.

error: of
correction: for
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: The preposition 〈of〉 indicates possession, but in this context, it needs to express a goal or purpose; when expressing "gaining independence," 『independence for』 should be used to mean "to strive for independence for...," not 〈independence of〉.

error_sentence: After struggling with countless difficulties,Chinese people have obtained independence of their own countries,which is a symbol of achieving a lot in national rejuvenation and they are carrying on with the cause.

correct_sentence: After struggling with countless difficulties, Chinese people have obtained independence for their own country, which is a symbol of achieving a lot in national rejuvenation and they are carrying on with the cause.

error: countries
correction: country
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: Based on the context, the sentence refers to a single country, 〈China〉; the noun 〈countries〉 is in plural form, so it needs to be changed to the singular form 『country』.

error_sentence: The efforts of the young generation are a necessity for the great renewal of China,as a country strengthens along with it.
correct_sentence: The efforts of the young generation are a necessity for the great renewal of China, as the country strengthens along with it.
error: a
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: The indefinite article 〈a〉 indicates a general reference, but the sentence refers to a specific country, “China”; therefore, it needs to be changed to the definite article 『the』 to ensure the determiner aligns with the specific context.

error_sentence: What impresses us the most is his excellent performance is the 100m freestyle race,where he made a breakthrough in the Asian record.

correct_sentence: What impresses us the most is his excellent performance in the 100m freestyle race, where he made a breakthrough in the Asian record.

error: is
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: Based on the sentence's meaning, a preposition indicating place or action is intended here; 〈is〉 is misused as a linking verb and should be replaced with 『in』 to correctly express Ning Zetao's performance in the race.

error_sentence: By reading more books and participating in more social activities,we can broaden our horizon and equip our brains with knowledge.
correct_sentence: By reading more books and participating in more social activities, we can broaden our horizons and equip our brains with knowledge.
error: horizon
correction: horizons
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: Based on the context, the intention is to express "broadening the scope of one's view"; the noun 〈horizon〉 is in singular form and needs to be changed to the plural form 『horizons』 to conform to idiomatic expression.