Writing prompt: A Memorable Day

Student essay:
In my opinion, junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable.
On June 21, 2013, we gathered in the hall to say goodbye to our old classmates. At the beginning of the ceremony, we watched a video about our life during junior high. We laughed and cried after watching it because it was our memory of time that we spent with each other. After that, our teacher gave us encouragement to make us do our best in the exams. We were very moved so that we decided to try our best! Then, the headmaster gave everybody the certificate of junior high school, and we all thanked and hugged her. We thought she was a perfect headmaster. At last, we gave flowers to our teachers who accompanied us 5 years because we thought they were just like our friends and helped us so much.
I think the junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable because it made all of my classmates in junior high moved. And it was a symbol of the end of our life in junior high school. We will remember the ceremony forever!

Corrected essay:
In my opinion, the junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable.
On June 21, 2013, we gathered in the hall to say goodbye to our old classmates. At the beginning of the ceremony, we watched a video about our life during junior high. We laughed and cried after watching it because it was our memory of the time that we spent with each other. After that, our teacher gave us encouragement to make us do our best in the exams. We were very moved so we decided to try our best! Then, the headmaster gave everybody the certificate of junior high school, and we all thanked and hugged her. We thought she was a perfect headmaster. At last, we gave flowers to our teachers who accompanied us for 5 years because we thought they were just like our friends and helped us so much.
I think the junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable because it made all of my classmates in junior high moved. And it was a symbol of the end of our life in junior high school. We will remember the ceremony forever!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: In my opinion, junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable.

correct_sentence: In my opinion, the junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable.

correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: The noun phrase 〈junior high school graduation ceremony〉 refers to a specific graduation ceremony, which is a specific event, so the definite article 『the』 needs to be added to form 『the junior high school graduation ceremony』, to comply with the grammatical rules for specific singular countable nouns in English.

error_sentence: We laughed and cried after watching it because it was our memory of time that we spent with each other.
correct_sentence: We laughed and cried after watching it because it was our memory of the time that we spent with each other.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: In the phrase 〈memory of time〉, 〈time〉 as an abstract noun needs a clear referent; adding the definite article 『the』 to form 『the memory of the time』 both conforms to the noun phrase structure (memory + of + determiner + noun) and clearly expresses the specific meaning of 'the memory of that period of time'.

error_sentence: We were very moved so that we decided to try our best!
correct_sentence: We were very moved so we decided to try our best!
error: that
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Conjunction Error: The original sentence uses the purpose adverbial clause conjunction 〈so that〉, but the context actually needs to express a result relationship. According to the sentence's logical meaning, 〈that〉 is deleted, retaining 〈so〉, so that 〈so〉 acts alone as a coordinating conjunction to connect the result clause, thereby more accurately reflecting a cause-and-effect relationship rather than purpose.

error_sentence: At last, we gave flowers to our teachers who accompanied us 5 years because we thought they were just like our friends and helped us so much.

correct_sentence: At last, we gave flowers to our teachers who accompanied us for 5 years because we thought they were just like our friends and helped us so much.

correction: for
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: When the verb 〈accompanied〉 is followed by a period of time, the preposition 『for』 is needed to introduce the duration, forming the standard structure 『accompanied us for 5 years』. This modification conforms to the common English expression 'verb + for + period of time', clarifying the duration of the action.