Writing prompt: After-School Activities

Student essay:
They have changed richer and richer. And I also have some interesting activities.
I like club activities . When classes are over ,I usually do something wih friends . Such as picking up the rubbish,watering the flowers and sweeping the ground . These make us know the importance of protecting the environment.
What's over , I do my best to take part in all kinds of sports activities so that I can have a healthy body.
Sometimes,I may watches some fantastic films with particulars . By this ,I have improved my ability greatly.
In my opinions ,there are so many good activities. Take them which you are interested in. You will improve as well.

Corrected essay:
They have become richer and richer. And I also have some interesting activities.
I like club activities. When classes are over, I usually do something with friends, such as picking up the rubbish, watering the flowers and sweeping the ground. These make us know the importance of protecting the environment.
What's more, I do my best to take part in all kinds of sports activities so that I can have a healthy body.
Sometimes, I may watch some fantastic films with particulars. By this, I have improved my ability greatly.
In my opinion, there are so many good activities. Take those which you are interested in. You will improve as well.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: They have changed richer and richer.
correct_sentence: They have become richer and richer.
error: changed
correction: become
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: 〈changed〉 indicates an active act of changing, while 『become』 emphasizes the process of a state transition; based on the sentence's meaning, the intention here is to express the state of 'becoming rich', thus changing to 『become』 is more semantically appropriate.

error_sentence: When classes are over ,I usually do something wih friends . Such as picking up the rubbish,watering the flowers and sweeping the ground .
correct_sentence: When classes are over, I usually do something with friends, such as picking up the rubbish, watering the flowers and sweeping the ground.
error: wih friends . Such
correction: with friends, such
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Spelling Error: According to the sentence meaning, the intention here is to express 'and', so 〈wih〉 is a misspelling of 『with』; it needs to be changed to 『with』 to make the sentence coherent. ② Space Error: According to English writing conventions, no space is needed between a word and the following punctuation mark (comma or period), so the space needs to be deleted and changed to 『friends,』; ③ Punctuation Error: Using a period in 〈friends . Such〉 does not conform to English punctuation rules; it should be changed to a comma 『,』 and the first letter of 〈Such〉 should be lowercase, resulting in 『friends, such』, to make the example content logically coherent with the main clause.

error_sentence: What's over , I do my best to take part in all kinds of sports activities so that I can have a healthy body.

correct_sentence: What's more, I do my best to take part in all kinds of sports activities so that I can have a healthy body.

error: over
correction: more
error_type: Adjective Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Adjective Error: Based on the sentence meaning, 〈over〉 is not suitable for the context here; replacing it with the adjective 『more』 more accurately expresses a progressive relationship, i.e., further elaborating on the content.

error_sentence: Sometimes,I may watches some fantastic films with particulars .
correct_sentence: Sometimes, I may watch some fantastic films with particulars.
error: watches
correction: watch
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: The subject 〈I〉 is a first-person singular subject; based on the principle of subject-verb agreement, the predicate verb 〈watches〉 should be changed to 『watch』 to conform to the verb form for a first-person singular subject.

error_sentence: In my opinions ,there are so many good activities.
correct_sentence: In my opinion, there are so many good activities.
error: opinions
correction: opinion
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to English expression conventions, in the fixed phrase 'In my opinion', 'opinion' is used in its singular form, therefore 〈opinions〉 needs to be changed to 『opinion』.

error_sentence: Take them which you are interested in.
correct_sentence: Take those which you are interested in.
error: them
correction: those
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Pronoun Error: According to English grammar conventions, 〈them〉 cannot introduce a relative clause; the demonstrative pronoun 『those』 should be used to refer to the previously mentioned plural noun 〈activities〉, so that the sentence structure conforms to the 'those which...' relative clause usage.