Writing prompt: Sweeping Snow

Student essay:
It's a very cold day. When I got up, I open the curtain and saw every thing turn white outside the window. So I want to go outdoors and took some pictures when it shop.
Than the snow stopped, so I went outside with my camera and to took some photos. All the ways are covered with heavy snow. So I walked slowly on the road. Suddenly I saw a man fall down in front of me. Than I thought it was too dangerous for person to walk on the smooth road.
So I came up with a good idea to solve it. I went home and took broom went outside. I went the road where therehas many people walk on it. And I began to sweep the snow on the ground.
When I finished to clean it, I felt very proud of myself. And I saw my parents came up to me, than they saw me sweep the snow. So they praised me, and made me very happy.
By means of this thing, I think, if everyone can do some good thing for other, the world will be more beautiful!

Corrected essay:
It was a very cold day. When I got up, I opened the curtain and saw everything turn white outside the window. So I wanted to go outdoors and take some pictures when it stopped.
Then the snow stopped, so I went outside with my camera and took some photos. All the ways were covered with heavy snow. So I walked slowly on the road. Suddenly I saw a man fall down in front of me. Then I thought it was too dangerous for a person to walk on the smooth road.
So I came up with a good idea to solve it. I went home and took a broom and went outside. I went to the road where many people walked on it. And I began to sweep the snow on the ground.
When I finished cleaning it, I felt very proud of myself. And I saw my parents come up to me. Then they saw me sweep the snow. So they praised me, which made me very happy.
By means of this thing, I think, if everyone can do some good thing for others, the world will be more beautiful!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: It's a very cold day.
correct_sentence: It was a very cold day.
error: 's
correction: was
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the principle of tense consistency in context, the contracted form 〈's〉 (=is, present tense) conflicts with the past time background and should be changed to the past tense 『was』 to maintain tense uniformity.

error_sentence: When I got up, I open the curtain and saw every thing turn white outside the window.
correct_sentence: When I got up, I opened the curtain and saw everything turn white outside the window.
error: open
correction: opened
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the order of actions, 〈open〉 (base form) needs to be changed to the past tense 『opened』 to match the time frame of the main clause's past tense 〈got up〉.

error_sentence: When I got up, I open the curtain and saw every thing turn white outside the window.
correct_sentence: When I got up, I opened the curtain and saw everything turn white outside the window.
error: every thing
correction: everything
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to English fixed collocation rules, 〈every thing〉 should be combined into the compound indefinite pronoun 『everything』, conforming to standard spelling norms, meaning “all things”.

error_sentence: So I want to go outdoors and took some pictures when it shop.

correct_sentence: So I wanted to go outdoors and take some pictures when it stopped.

error: want
correction: wanted
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the contextual time cues, when describing past mental activity, 〈want〉 (present tense) should be changed to the past tense 『wanted』 to be consistent with the narrative tense.

error_sentence: So I want to go outdoors and took some pictures when it shop.

correct_sentence: So I wanted to go outdoors and take some pictures when it stopped.

error: took
correction: take
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to infinitive structure rules, 〈want to〉 must be followed by the base form of the verb, so the past tense 〈took〉 is changed to 『take』 to form the correct structure 『 wanted to go outdoors and take some pictures』.

error_sentence: So I want to go outdoors and took some pictures when it shop.

correct_sentence: So I wanted to go outdoors and take some pictures when it stopped.

error: shop
correction: stopped
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to meteorological expression conventions, 〈shop〉 (to shop) does not match the semantic context of snowing and should be changed to 『stopped』 to express the correct meaning of “snow stopped”.

error_sentence: Than the snow stopped, so I went outside with my camera and to took some photos.
correct_sentence: Then the snow stopped, so I went outside with my camera and took some photos.
error: Than
correction: Then
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the principle of distinguishing parts of speech, 〈Than〉 (comparative conjunction) should be changed to the adverb of time 『Then』 (then) here to correctly link the sequence of actions, indicating chronological order.

error_sentence: Than the snow stopped, so I went outside with my camera and to took some photos.
correct_sentence: Then the snow stopped, so I went outside with my camera and took some photos.
error: to
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to transitive verb usage rules, 〈took〉 as a transitive verb directly takes an object; the redundant preposition 〈to〉 is deleted to conform to the standard structure 『took some photos.』.

error_sentence: All the ways are covered with heavy snow.
correct_sentence: All the ways were covered with heavy snow.
error: are
correction: were
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the temporal attribute of the described object, 〈are〉 (present tense) should be changed to the past tense 『were』 to unify with the past narrative tense of the entire text.

error_sentence: Than I thought it was too dangerous for person to walk on the smooth road.

correct_sentence: Then I thought it was too dangerous for a person to walk on the smooth road.

error: Than
correction: Then
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Spelling Error: According to the principle of distinguishing parts of speech, 〈Than〉 (comparative conjunction) should be changed to the adverb of time 『Then』 (then) here to correctly link the sequence of actions, indicating chronological order.

error_sentence: Than I thought it was too dangerous for person to walk on the smooth road.

correct_sentence: Then I thought it was too dangerous for a person to walk on the smooth road.

correction: a
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the singular countable noun 〈person〉 must be preceded by a determiner; the indefinite article 『a』 should be added to form the correct structure 『a person』.

error_sentence: I went home and took broom went outside.
correct_sentence: I went home and took a broom and went outside.
error: broom
correction: a broom and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Determiner Error: According to singular noun usage rules, 〈broom〉 as a singular countable noun requires the addition of the indefinite article 『a』 to form the standard expression 『a broom』; ② Conjunction Error: According to the expression norms for parallel actions, the conjunction 『and』 needs to be added between the two consecutive actions 〈took a broom〉 and 〈went outside〉 to clarify the logical relationship.

error_sentence: I went the road where therehas many people walk on it.
correct_sentence: I went to the road where many people walked on it.
correction: to
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to verb collocation rules, 〈went〉 when expressing directional movement needs to be paired with the preposition 『to』; its absence in the original sentence leads to incomplete meaning and should be changed to 『went to』 to indicate the direction of the action.

error_sentence: I went the road where therehas many people walk on it.
correct_sentence: I went to the road where many people walked on it.
error: therehas
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: According to the principle of conciseness in expression, 〈therehas〉 is a redundant expression and does not conform to grammatical structure; it should be deleted directly to maintain sentence fluency. After deletion, using 『where many people walked』 directly makes the clause structure correct.

error_sentence: I went the road where therehas many people walk on it.
correct_sentence: I went to the road where many people walked on it.
error: walk
correction: walked
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the principle of tense consistency, the clause action 〈walk〉 should be changed to the past tense 『walked』 to match the past tense background of the main clause.

error_sentence: When I finished to clean it, I felt very proud of myself.
correct_sentence: When I finished cleaning it, I felt very proud of myself.
error: to clean
correction: cleaning
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to verb collocation rules, 〈finish〉 needs to be followed by the gerund form, so the infinitive 〈to clean〉 is changed to 『cleaning』 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: And I saw my parents came up to me, than they saw me sweep the snow.
correct_sentence: And I saw my parents come up to me.
error: came
correction: come
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to the usage of sensory verbs, 〈saw〉 is followed by an object and the base form of the verb to indicate the entire process of an action; here it indicates the occurrence of the action, so the past tense 〈came〉 is changed to the base form 『come』 for consistency.

error_sentence: And I saw my parents came up to me, than they saw me sweep the snow.
correct_sentence: And I saw my parents come up to me. Then they saw me sweep the snow.
error: , than
correction: . Then
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English punctuation norms, a period 『up to me. Then』 should be used to separate two complete sentences, not a comma 〈up to me, than〉; ② Spelling Error: According to the principle of distinguishing parts of speech, 〈Than〉 (comparative conjunction) should be changed to the adverb of time 『Then』 (then) here to correctly link the sequence of actions, indicating chronological order; ③ Case Error: According to sentence-initial capitalization rules, the conjunction 〈than〉 should be changed to the adverb of time 『Then』 and capitalized.

error_sentence: So they praised me, and made me very happy.

correct_sentence: So they praised me, which made me very happy.

error: and
correction: which
error_type: Relative Word Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Relative Word Error: According to the grammatical rules of non-restrictive relative clauses, the relative pronoun 『which』 is needed to refer to the content of the preceding sentence, not the coordinating conjunction 〈and〉, therefore it is changed to 『which』 to conform to grammatical logic.

error_sentence: By means of this thing, I think, if everyone can do some good thing for other, the world will be more beautiful!
correct_sentence: By means of this thing, I think, if everyone can do some good thing for others, the world will be more beautiful!
error: other
correction: others
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: According to pronoun usage rules, when 〈other〉 represents a plural concept, it should be changed to the plural noun 『others』 to correctly refer to the plural meaning of “other people”.