Writing prompt: My Holiday In Los Angeles

Student essay:
Dear Alex,
On my last holiday,I went to Los Angeles with my parents.We arrived by plane on February 10,2014.It was 7 pm when we got to the hotel.So we had a short dinner and fell asleep soon.
Next day,we went to the Univeral Studios Hollywood and had fun there.It was very exciting.In the evening,we had dinner in a traditional American restaurant.Not only the beef but also the dessert was delicious.
On February 12,we went to OUTLETS and did some shoppings.The things were really cheap which were on sale.
On the last day,we just walked around and took some photos.At about 5 pm,we returned to China by air.
We had a good time.I am looking forward to going there again.
Yours,
Jerry.

Corrected essay:
Dear Alex,
On my last holiday, I went to Los Angeles with my parents. We arrived by plane on February 10, 2014. It was 7 pm when we got to the hotel. So we had a short dinner and fell asleep soon.
The next day, we went to Universal Studios Hollywood and had fun there. It was very exciting. In the evening, we had dinner in a traditional American restaurant. Not only the beef but also the dessert was delicious.
On February 12, we went to OUTLETS and did some shopping. The things on sale were really cheap.
On the last day, we just walked around and took some photos. At about 5 pm, we returned to China by air.
We had a good time. I am looking forward to going there again.
Yours,
Jerry.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: We arrived by plane on February 10,2014.It was 7 pm when we got to the hotel.
correct_sentence: We arrived by plane on February 10, 2014. It was 7 pm when we got to the hotel.
error: 10,2014.It
correction: 10, 2014. It
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Space Error: According to English writing conventions, a space must be kept between the comma 〈,〉 after the date and the year, and independent sentences need to be clearly separated by a period. Therefore, 〈10,2014.It〉 is modified to the compliant 『10, 2014. It』 to ensure correct use of punctuation and spaces.; ② Space Error: According to English sentence separation rules, 〈2014.It〉 has a blurred sentence boundary due to the lack of a space; a space needs to be added between 〈2014〉 and 〈It〉, correcting it to 『2014. It』 to conform to English typesetting standards.

error_sentence: Next day,we went to the Univeral Studios Hollywood and had fun there.
correct_sentence: The next day, we went to Universal Studios Hollywood and had fun there.
error: Next
correction: The next
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the time phrase 〈next day〉 requires the definite article 〈the〉 to form 『The next day』 when specifically referring to a particular following day. Therefore, the article-lacking 〈Next day〉 is corrected to 『The next day』 to clarify the specific meaning.

error_sentence: Next day,we went to the Univeral Studios Hollywood and had fun there.
correct_sentence: The next day, we went to Universal Studios Hollywood and had fun there.
error: the Univeral
correction: Universal
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Determiner Error: According to English determiner and noun collocation rules, the proper noun 〈Universal Studios Hollywood〉 does not require the definite article 〈the〉 for modification because it is unique and does not need specific reference; therefore, 〈the〉 should be deleted.; ② Spelling Error: There is a spelling error in 〈Univeral〉 within the proper noun 〈Universal Studios Hollywood〉; according to the brand's official name, it should be corrected to the proper spelling 『Universal』, conveying the meaning "universal," to ensure the accuracy of the proper noun.

error_sentence: On February 12,we went to OUTLETS and did some shoppings.
correct_sentence: On February 12, we went to OUTLETS and did some shopping.
error: 12,we
correction: 12, we
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Space Error: In the date 〈12,we〉, a space was not added after the comma 〈,〉 as per convention to separate sentence components. According to English punctuation rules, a space needs to be added after the comma, correcting it to 『12, we』 to improve text readability.

error_sentence: On February 12,we went to OUTLETS and did some shoppings.
correct_sentence: On February 12, we went to OUTLETS and did some shopping.
error: shoppings
correction: shopping
error_type: Noun Number Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Noun Number Error: 〈shopping〉 is an uncountable noun and cannot take the plural suffix "-s". According to English noun usage rules, the redundant suffix is deleted, correcting 〈shoppings〉 to 『shopping』 to conform to grammatical standards.

error_sentence: The things were really cheap which were on sale.

correct_sentence: The things on sale were really cheap.

correction: on sale
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Order Error: According to the English principle of pre-modifying modifiers, the restrictive modifying component 『on sale』 should immediately follow the modified noun 〈The things〉 to avoid subject-verb separation. Therefore, the post-modifying relative clause 〈which were on sale〉 is adjusted to the pre-modifying structure 『The things on sale』, making the sentence more aligned with English expression habits.

error_sentence: The things were really cheap which were on sale.

correct_sentence: The things on sale were really cheap.

error: which were on sale
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: In the original sentence 〈The things which were on sale〉, the relative clause 〈which were on sale〉 is semantically redundant with the pre-modifier 『on sale』 and logically awkward, indicating a problem with sentence structure; therefore, the redundant clause structure is deleted, and the more concise noun phrase 『The things on sale were really cheap.』 is used directly, preserving the original meaning while enhancing expressive efficiency.