Writing prompt: Should We Keep Animals in Zoos?

Student essay:
This week, we held a talk show on our English class. We discussed a question which is about 'Should we keep animals in zoos?'
About 40% students in my class agreed to keep animals in zoos. Firstly, people can watch many different kinds of animals in zoos. What's more, animals can be taken good care by zoo keepers.
However, 60% students thought we should not keep animals in zoos. First,animals would like to live in the wild that more than in zoos. Last but not least, animals will be closed that they can not get freedom.
I think animals which are endangered should be kept in zoos. Many people will kill them for something from their bodies. Maybe they will much safer when they are in zoos. We must protect the endangered animals or we can not see them any more.

Corrected essay:
This week, we held a talk show in our English class. We discussed a question which is about 'Should we keep animals in zoos?'
About 40% of students in my class agreed to keep animals in zoos. Firstly, people can watch many different kinds of animals in zoos. What's more, animals can be taken good care of by zoo keepers.
However, 60% of students thought we should not keep animals in zoos. First, animals would like to live in the wild more than in zoos. Last but not least, animals will be confined and they can not get freedom.
I think animals which are endangered should be kept in zoos. Many people will kill them for something from their bodies. Maybe they will be much safer when they are in zoos. We must protect the endangered animals or we can not see them anymore.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: This week, we held a talk show on our English class.
correct_sentence: This week, we held a talk show in our English class.
error: on
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: Based on the sentence meaning, the intention is to describe an activity within the English class; the preposition 〈on〉 is used for surfaces or specific dates and is not suitable here; 『in』 is used for three-dimensional spaces or abstract areas, so the correct preposition should be 『in』.

error_sentence: We discussed a question which is about 'Should we keep animals in zoos?'
About 40% students in my class agreed to keep animals in zoos.
correct_sentence: We discussed a question which is about 'Should we keep animals in zoos?'
About 40% of students in my class agreed to keep animals in zoos.
correction: of
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, when a percentage is followed by a noun, the preposition 『of』 is needed to connect them, indicating a part-whole relationship. Therefore, 『of』 needs to be added between 〈40%〉 and 〈students〉.

error_sentence: What's more, animals can be taken good care by zoo keepers.

correct_sentence: What's more, animals can be taken good care of by zoo keepers.

correction: of
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: Based on the sentence meaning, the intention is to express 'take care of'; the fixed phrase 'take care of' should be used, so 『of』 needs to be added after 〈care〉 to maintain the integrity of the phrasal verb.

error_sentence: However, 60% students thought we should not keep animals in zoos.
correct_sentence: However, 60% of students thought we should not keep animals in zoos.
correction: of
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules, when a percentage is followed by a noun, the preposition 『of』 is needed to connect them, indicating a part-whole relationship. Therefore, 『of』 needs to be added between 〈60%〉 and 〈students〉.

error_sentence: First,animals would like to live in the wild that more than in zoos.
correct_sentence: First, animals would like to live in the wild more than in zoos.
error: that
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: Based on English grammar rules and sentence meaning, in the original sentence 〈First,animals would like to live in the wild that more than in zoos.〉, 〈that〉 is redundant here and does not fit the sentence structure; it should be deleted to maintain sentence fluency.

error_sentence: Last but not least, animals will be closed that they can not get freedom.

correct_sentence: Last but not least, animals will be confined and they can not get freedom.

error: closed that
correction: confined and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Choice Error: Based on the sentence meaning, the intention is to express 'restrict freedom'; in the original sentence, 〈closed〉 means to shut a space, which does not fit the meaning, and should be changed to 『confined』 to reflect the meaning of restriction; ② Conjunction Error: The conjunction here is used to connect two parallel results; in the original sentence, 〈that〉 is a misuse and does not conform to grammatical rules; 『and』 should be used to connect two independent clauses.

error_sentence: Maybe they will much safer when they are in zoos.
correct_sentence: Maybe they will be much safer when they are in zoos.
correction: be
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: The modal verb 〈will〉 needs to be followed by a base form verb to form the predicate. The adjective 〈safer〉 cannot stand alone as a predicate; the original sentence 〈Maybe they will much safer when they are in zoos.〉 lacks a predicate, and the linking verb 『be』 needs to be added to form the complete structure 『will be much safer』.

error_sentence: We must protect the endangered animals or we can not see them any more.
correct_sentence: We must protect the endangered animals or we can not see them anymore.
error: any more
correction: anymore
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Spelling Error: According to English writing conventions, when 〈any more〉 is used as an adverb to express negation, it is usually written as one word, 『anymore』.