Writing prompt: Should High School Students Get Online Frequently?

Student essay:
Recently I've carried out a survey on whether high school students should get online and my classmates hold different opinions on it.
Some of them think we should do like this.It can help us getting knowledge,widen our eyes.And we also are able to communicate and share with our friends.Above all,we can play games to relaxed when we feel tired.
The others are against the standpoint. They supposed that it do harm to our eyes.And it wastes our time when we wallowed playing computer games and chatting on line.
In my opinion, we should get online appropriate as students.we can study from websites on the Internet and make our mind relaxed.In a word,we should get online if we can achieve the balance between study and getting online better.

Corrected essay:
Recently I've carried out a survey on whether high school students should get online and my classmates hold different opinions on it.
Some of them think we should do this. It can help us gain knowledge and widen our eyes. And we are also able to communicate and share with our friends. Above all, we can play games to relax when we feel tired.
The others are against this standpoint. They suppose that it does harm to our eyes. And it wastes our time when we wallow in playing computer games and chatting online. In my opinion, we should get online appropriately as students. We can study from websites on the Internet and make our mind relaxed. In a word, we should get online if we can achieve the balance between study and getting online better.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: Some of them think we should do like this.
correct_sentence: Some of them think we should do this.
error: like
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy: According to the principle of conciseness in English expression, 〈like〉 in the phrase 〈do like this〉 is redundant; using 『do this』 directly can concisely express the suggestion, conforming to idiomatic English usage.

error_sentence: It can help us getting knowledge,widen our eyes.
correct_sentence: It can help us gain knowledge and widen our eyes.
error: getting knowledge,
correction: gain knowledge and
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Verb Choice Error: According to verb-object collocation habits, the pairing of 〈getting〉 with 〈knowledge〉 has a weaker meaning; it should be changed to the more formal 『gain』 (acquire) to modify 〈knowledge〉, forming the common collocation 『gain knowledge』. ② Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to the usage rule of “help”, in the “help + object + bare infinitive” structure, 〈getting〉 should be changed to the bare infinitive 『gain』, forming the correct structure 『help us gain knowledge』. ③ Conjunction Error: According to English parallel structure rules, a coordinating conjunction 『and』 needs to be added between the two actions 〈gain knowledge〉 and 〈widen our eyes〉 instead of a comma to clarify the logical relationship.

error_sentence: And we also are able to communicate and share with our friends.
correct_sentence: And we are also able to communicate and share with our friends.
error: also are
correction: are also
error_type: Word Order Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Order Error: According to English adverb placement rules, the adverb of degree 〈also〉 should be placed after the linking verb 〈are〉; therefore, 〈also are〉 is adjusted to the standard word order 『are also』 to comply with English adverb placement rules.

error_sentence: Above all,we can play games to relaxed when we feel tired.

correct_sentence: Above all, we can play games to relax when we feel tired.

error: relaxed
correction: relax
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: According to infinitive structure rules, 〈to〉 should be followed by the base form of the verb to express purpose; therefore, the adjective 〈relaxed〉 is changed to the base form of the verb 『relax』, forming the correct adverbial of purpose 『to relax』.

error_sentence: The others are against the standpoint.
correct_sentence: The others are against this standpoint.
error: the
correction: this
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Determiner Error: According to the principle of clear reference in English, 〈the standpoint〉 has an unclear reference; it is changed to the demonstrative pronoun 『this』 to clearly point to the previously mentioned viewpoint, maintaining referential consistency.

error_sentence: They supposed that it do harm to our eyes.
correct_sentence: They suppose that it does harm to our eyes.
error: supposed
correction: suppose
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to the principle of tense agreement between main and subordinate clauses, the main clause is in the simple present tense; therefore, the past tense 〈supposed〉 is changed to the present tense 『suppose』, forming the correct tense 『we suppose』.

error_sentence: They supposed that it do harm to our eyes.
correct_sentence: They suppose that it does harm to our eyes.
error: do
correction: does
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Subject-Verb Agreement Error: According to English grammar rules, the subject 〈it〉 is third-person singular, so the predicate verb needs to be 『does』; therefore, 〈do〉 is changed to 『does』 to form the correct subject-verb structure 『it does』.

error_sentence: And it wastes our time when we wallowed playing computer games and chatting on line.

correct_sentence: And it wastes our time when we wallow in playing computer games and chatting online.
error: wallowed
correction: wallow in
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: According to tense agreement rules, the subordinate clause verb 〈wallowed〉 should be changed to the present tense 『wallow』 to maintain consistency with the main clause tense. ② Preposition Error: According to verb collocation rules, 〈wallow〉 needs to be followed by the preposition 『in』 to mean “indulge in”, forming the fixed phrase 『wallow in』.

error_sentence: And it wastes our time when we wallowed playing computer games and chatting on line.

correct_sentence: And it wastes our time when we wallow in playing computer games and chatting online.
error: on line.

correction: online.
error_type: Spelling Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Space Error: According to English compound word rules, 〈on line〉 should be combined into 『online』 (one word), which is the standard spelling for “online”.

error_sentence: In my opinion, we should get online appropriate as students.we can study from websites on the Internet and make our mind relaxed.
correct_sentence: In my opinion, we should get online appropriately as students. We can study from websites on the Internet and make our mind relaxed.
error: appropriate as students.we
correction: appropriately as students. We
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① PoS Confusion Error: According to the principle that adverbs modify verbs, an adverb is needed to modify the verb phrase 〈get online〉; therefore, the adjective 〈appropriate〉 is changed to the adverb 『appropriately』 to modify the verb 〈get online〉. ② Space Error: According to English punctuation rules, 〈students.we〉 should be changed to 『students. We』, adding a space to make the sentence structure more standard. ③ Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of the word 〈we〉 at the beginning of a sentence must be capitalized, changed to 『We』 to meet standard format requirements.