Writing prompt: Sweeping Snow

Student essay:
When I got up, I pulled the curtain and I found the world in my eyes becomes white. I fell in love with the white scenery. So I wanted to wait for the snow stop. And took photos to leave the beautiful snow.
The snow stopped, so I brought my camera and wore my scarf out of the door. After I went alone the road, I saw a man fall down on the snowfield. So I decided to go home to clean the road. Then I took a broom to clean, so that they couldn't fall down on the snowfield, after my parents came back. They praised me. I was really happy to do some good!

Corrected essay:
When I got up, I pulled the curtain and found the world in my eyes became white. I fell in love with the white scenery. So I wanted to wait for the snow to stop and take photos to capture the beautiful snow.
The snow stopped, so I brought my camera and wore my scarf out of the door. After I went along the road, I saw a man fall down on the snowfield. So I decided to go home to clean the road. Then I took a broom to clean, so that he wouldn't fall down on the snowfield. After my parents came back, they praised me. I was really happy to do something good!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: When I got up, I pulled the curtain and I found the world in my eyes becomes white.
correct_sentence: When I got up, I pulled the curtain and found the world in my eyes became white.
error: I
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy: According to English grammar rules, the two verb phrases 〈pulled the curtain〉 and 〈found...〉 connected by the conjunction 〈and〉 share the same subject 〈I〉; repeating the subject 〈I〉 creates redundancy. Therefore, the repeated 〈I〉 is deleted to make the sentence more concise and fluent.

error_sentence: When I got up, I pulled the curtain and I found the world in my eyes becomes white.
correct_sentence: When I got up, I pulled the curtain and found the world in my eyes became white.
error: becomes
correction: became
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to English grammar rules, the sentence describes something that happened in the past; the main verb 〈found〉 is in the past tense, and the clause describing a state observed in the past should also maintain tense consistency. In the original sentence, 〈becomes〉 is in the simple present tense, which is incorrect; it should be changed to the past tense form 『became』.

error_sentence: So I wanted to wait for the snow stop. And took photos to leave the beautiful snow.

correct_sentence: So I wanted to wait for the snow to stop and take photos to capture the beautiful snow.

error: stop. And took
correction: to stop and take
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Nonfinite Verb Form Error: According to English grammar rules, 〈wait for〉 should be followed by an infinitive structure to express purpose when followed by a verb; in the original sentence, 〈stop〉 is the base form of the verb, which is incorrect; it should be changed to the infinitive 『to stop』; ② Punctuation Error: The period in 〈stop. And took〉 in the original sentence is inappropriate; 〈wait for the snow to stop〉 and 〈take photos〉 are parallel actions, and separating them with a period disrupts sentence coherence; the period should be removed; ③ Case Error: After removing the period, 〈And〉 in 〈And took〉 is no longer at the beginning of a sentence and does not need to be capitalized; it should be changed to 『and take』; ④ Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the sentence describes something that happened in the past, and the verb should be in the simple past tense; in the original sentence, 〈take〉 is in the simple present tense, which is incorrect; it should be changed to the past tense form 『took』 to make the sentence structure correct, logically coherent, and tense consistent.

error_sentence: And took photos to leave the beautiful snow.

correct_sentence: So I wanted to wait for the snow to stop and take photos to capture the beautiful snow.

error: leave
correction: capture
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: According to the sentence meaning, the intention here is to express 'capturing the beautiful snow scene'; the verb 〈leave〉 means 'to depart, to remain', which does not fit the context of recording scenery by taking photos; therefore, 〈leave〉 is changed to 『capture』 to accurately express the meaning of 'capturing the beautiful scenery'.

error_sentence: After I went alone the road, I saw a man fall down on the snowfield.
correct_sentence: After I went along the road, I saw a man fall down on the snowfield.
error: alone
correction: along
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English expression habits, the sentence needs to express the spatial relationship of 'walking along the road'; 〈alone〉 means 'by oneself', and its meaning is not applicable to this scene; instead, the preposition 『along』 should be used to indicate the direction of movement; therefore, 〈alone〉 is changed to 『along』.

error_sentence: Then I took a broom to clean, so that they couldn't fall down on the snowfield, after my parents came back.
correct_sentence: Then I took a broom to clean, so that he wouldn't fall down on the snowfield.
error: they could
correction: he would
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Pronoun Error: Based on the previously mentioned singular 〈a man〉, the plural pronoun 〈they〉 in the original sentence is inconsistent with it; 〈they〉 should be changed to the singular 『he』; ② Auxiliary Error: According to the context, it is necessary to express the hypothetical intention of 'avoiding falling down'; 〈couldn’t〉 indicates a lack of ability, which does not fit the context; 〈couldn’t〉 should be changed to 『wouldn’t』 to comply with grammatical rules and semantic expression.

error_sentence: Then I took a broom to clean, so that they couldn't fall down on the snowfield, after my parents came back.
correct_sentence: Then I took a broom to clean, so that he wouldn't fall down on the snowfield. After my parents came back, they praised me.
error: , after
correction: . After
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, two independent clauses 〈...snowfield〉 and 〈after my parents came back, they praised me〉 cannot be connected by a comma; they need to be separated by a period. The comma in 〈, after〉 in the original sentence is used incorrectly; the comma should be replaced with a period 『.』; ② Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the first letter of a word at the beginning of a sentence needs to be capitalized; after correcting the punctuation, 〈after〉 is at the beginning of the sentence and should be changed to 『After』 to comply with conventions.

error_sentence: Then I took a broom to clean, so that they couldn't fall down on the snowfield, after my parents came back. They praised me.
correct_sentence: After my parents came back, they praised me.
error: . They
correction: , they
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, an adverbial clause 〈After my parents came back〉 and the main clause 〈they praised me〉 need to be connected by a comma, not separated by a period. The period in 〈. They〉 in the original sentence incorrectly separates the sentence; the period should be changed to a comma 『,』 to ensure semantic coherence and fluent sentence expression; ② Case Error: Since the punctuation is changed to a comma, 〈They〉 is no longer at the beginning of the sentence, and its first letter needs to be changed from uppercase to lowercase, i.e., 『they』, to comply with English writing conventions.

error_sentence: I was really happy to do some good!
correct_sentence: I was really happy to do something good!
error: some
correction: something
error_type: PoS Confusion Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: PoS Confusion Error: 〈some〉 is an adjective and needs to be followed by a noun to form a phrase, whereas here it is necessary to express 'something'; the indefinite pronoun 『something』 should be used; 〈something good〉 is a fixed phrase meaning 'a meaningful thing'; therefore, 〈some〉 is changed to 『something』 to meet grammatical and semantic requirements.