Writing prompt: My Dream

Student essay:
Different people have different dreams. Some people dream of making a lot of money. Some people dream of living a happy life. I also have a dream. My dream is to be a rich man, and then I want to be a big boss.
I want to be real estate! Build hundreds of buildings, and investment to my country, China, because I love my hometown. I want to buy a running car, too! After that, I want to buy a country house, and returned to my parents, grandparents and all the relatives.
Go sp for as to as for how to realize dream. I think if I want to come true the dream, I must learn hard and she learned. So I can come true dream hard!

Corrected essay:
Different people have different dreams. Some people dream of making a lot of money. Some people dream of living a happy life. I also have a dream. My dream is to be a rich man, and then I want to be a big boss.
I want to be in real estate, building hundreds of buildings and investing in my country, China, because I love my hometown. I want to buy a running car, too! After that, I want to buy a country house, and return to my parents, grandparents and all the relatives.
As for how to realize my dream, I think if I want my dream to come true, I must study hard and work hard. So I can make my dream come true!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: I want to be real estate!
correct_sentence: I want to be in real estate, building hundreds of buildings and investing in my country, China, because I love my hometown.
correction: in
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Preposition Error: The sentence 〈be real estate〉 lacks the necessary preposition 『in』 to express the intention of being engaged in the real estate industry, so 『in』 is added before 〈real〉 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: I want to be real estate! Build hundreds of buildings, and investment to my country, China, because I love my hometown.
correct_sentence: I want to be in real estate, building hundreds of buildings and investing in my country, China, because I love my hometown.
error: ! Build
correction: , building
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: 〈! Build〉 causes the sentence to be fragmented and incoherent; considering the context, the intended meaning is 'I want to be in real estate, building hundreds of buildings', so the subsequent action 〈build〉 should be a participle phrase, thus 〈! Build〉 is changed to 『, building』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: Build hundreds of buildings, and investment to my country, China, because I love my hometown.
correct_sentence: I want to be in real estate, building hundreds of buildings and investing in my country, China, because I love my hometown.
error: , and investment to
correction: and investing in
error_type: Nonfinite Verb Form Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Nonfinite Verb Form Error: Parallel actions need to maintain grammatical consistency, so 〈investment〉 is changed to the gerund 『investing』 to conform to grammatical rules; ② Preposition Error: 〈to〉 indicates direction, whereas 『in』 should be used here to clearly indicate the object of investment, so 〈to〉 is changed to 『in』 to conform to idiomatic expression.

error_sentence: After that, I want to buy a country house, and returned to my parents, grandparents and all the relatives.

correct_sentence: After that, I want to buy a country house, and return to my parents, grandparents and all the relatives.

error: returned
correction: return
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Tense Error: 〈want to〉 is followed by the base form of the verb, so 〈returned〉 is changed to 『return』 to conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: Go sp for as to as for how to realize dream.
correct_sentence: As for how to realize my dream, I think if I want my dream to come true, I must study hard and work hard.
error: Go sp for as to as
correction: As
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; considering the context, the intended meaning is 'As for how to realize my dream', so 〈Go sp for as to as〉 is changed to 『As』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: Go sp for as to as for how to realize dream.
correct_sentence: As for how to realize my dream, I think if I want my dream to come true, I must study hard and work hard.
error: dream.
correction: my dream,
error_type: Pronoun Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Pronoun Error: The noun 〈dream〉 needs the determiner 『my』 before it to clearly refer to the author's specific dream, so 『my』 is added before 〈dream〉 to correctly express the sentence meaning; ② Punctuation Error: A comma should be used here to introduce the following explanatory part, helping to separate the main clause and the explanatory content, so 〈.〉 is changed to 『,』 to make the sentence structure clearer.

error_sentence: I think if I want to come true the dream, I must learn hard and she learned.
correct_sentence: As for how to realize my dream, I think if I want my dream to come true, I must study hard and work hard.
correction: my dream
error_severity: 3
error_description: Other Error: The phrase 〈come true the dream〉 has incorrect word order and lacks a possessive pronoun; considering the context, the intended meaning is 'I think if I want my dream to come true', so 『my dream』 is added after 〈want〉 to correctly express the sentence meaning.

error_sentence: I think if I want to come true the dream, I must learn hard and she learned.
correct_sentence: As for how to realize my dream, I think if I want my dream to come true, I must study hard and work hard.
error: the dream
error_type: Word Redundancy Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Word Redundancy Error: Since 『my dream』 has already been added after 〈want〉, 〈the dream〉 is deleted to avoid redundancy and make the sentence more concise.

error_sentence: I think if I want to come true the dream, I must learn hard and she learned.
correct_sentence: As for how to realize my dream, I think if I want my dream to come true, I must study hard and work hard.
error: learn
correction: study
error_type: Verb Choice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Choice Error: The collocation 〈learn hard〉 is incorrect; the correct expression is 『study hard』, meaning to study diligently, so 〈learn〉 is changed to 『study』 to conform to idiomatic expression.

error_sentence: I think if I want to come true the dream, I must learn hard and she learned.
correct_sentence: As for how to realize my dream, I think if I want my dream to come true, I must study hard and work hard.
error: she learned
correction: work hard
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; considering the context, the intended meaning is 'I must study hard and work hard', so 〈she learned〉 is changed to 『work hard』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.

error_sentence: So I can come true dream hard!
correct_sentence: So I can make my dream come true!
error: come true dream hard
correction: make my dream come true
error_type: Sentence Structure Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Sentence Structure Error: The original sentence is logically confused and semantically unclear; considering the context, the intended meaning is 'So I can make my dream come true', so 〈come true dream hard〉 is changed to 『make my dream come true』 to make the meaning coherent and conform to grammatical rules.