Writing prompt: My First Day at Senior High

Student essay:
I'm a new senior high student in Y school. I graduate from the No.1 middle school,so I don't think the new school is unfamiliar.
My first memory of school is silence,because there was only grade 10 students in school at that moment.My first teacher,Ms Liu is very friendly and enthusiastic.She introduced everything of the school to us.And the girl seated in front of me was my first friend.At first,I thought she was a little shy.but when I talked with her I realised she was lively.
In a word,the new school is great,and the classmates are lovely. I think I will have a happy high school life.

Corrected essay:
I'm a new senior high student in Y school. I graduated from the No.1 middle school, so I don't think the new school is unfamiliar.
My first memory of the school is silence, because there were only Grade 10 students in school at that moment. My first teacher, Ms. Liu, is very friendly and enthusiastic. She introduced everything about the school to us. And the girl seated in front of me was my first friend. At first, I thought she was a little shy, but when I talked with her, I realised she was lively.
In a word, the new school is great, and the classmates are lovely. I think I will have a happy high school life.

Error analysis:
error_sentence: I graduate from the No.1 middle school,so I don't think the new school is unfamiliar.

correct_sentence: I graduated from the No.1 middle school, so I don't think the new school is unfamiliar.

error: graduate
correction: graduated
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: Verb Tense Error: According to English grammar and sentence meaning, 〈graduate〉 describes a past completed action, and needs to be changed to the past tense form of the verb 『graduated』 to conform to the past tense context of the entire sentence.

error_sentence: My first memory of school is silence,because there was only grade 10 students in school at that moment.
correct_sentence: My first memory of the school is silence, because there were only Grade 10 students in school at that moment.
correction: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar and sentence meaning, 〈school〉 here specifically refers to the previously mentioned Y school, so the determiner 『the』 needs to be added to indicate a specific concept.

error_sentence: My first memory of school is silence,because there was only grade 10 students in school at that moment.
correct_sentence: My first memory of the school is silence, because there were only Grade 10 students in school at that moment.
error: was only grade
correction: were only Grade
error_type: Subject-Verb Agreement Error
error_severity: 4
error_description: ① Subject-Verb Agreement Error: According to English grammar and the original text, the subject 〈students〉 is plural, so the verb 〈was〉 should be changed to the plural form 『were』 to comply with the rule of subject-verb agreement; ② Case Error: According to English writing conventions, the grade name 〈grade 10〉 is a proper noun and should be capitalized, so it needs to be changed to 『Grade 10』 to conform to the convention.

error_sentence: My first teacher,Ms Liu is very friendly and enthusiastic.
correct_sentence: My first teacher, Ms. Liu, is very friendly and enthusiastic.
error: Ms Liu
correction: Ms. Liu,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, a period is required after the abbreviated title 〈Ms〉, so it should be changed to 『Ms.』 to conform to writing conventions; ② Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, an appositive needs to be set off by commas from the surrounding content, so a comma 『,』 should be added after 〈Liu〉.

error_sentence: She introduced everything of the school to us.
correct_sentence: She introduced everything about the school to us.
error: of
correction: about
error_type: Preposition Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Preposition Error: According to English grammar rules and sentence meaning, the verb 〈introduced〉 should be paired with the preposition 『about』 instead of 〈of〉; the fixed phrase is “introduce something about” to indicate the content being described. Therefore, 〈of〉 should be changed to 『about』 to make the meaning more accurate.

error_sentence: At first,I thought she was a little shy.but when I talked with her I realised she was lively.

correct_sentence: At first, I thought she was a little shy, but when I talked with her, I realised she was lively.

error: shy.but
correction: shy, but
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: ① Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions, the two independent clauses 〈I thought she was a little shy〉 and 〈but when I talked with her〉 should be connected by a comma, not a period, so 〈.〉 should be changed to 『,』 to conform to correct writing conventions; ② Space Error: According to English writing conventions, there should be a space between English punctuation marks and words, so 〈shy.but〉 should be changed to 『shy, but』 to comply with the rule.

error_sentence: At first,I thought she was a little shy.but when I talked with her I realised she was lively.

correct_sentence: At first, I thought she was a little shy, but when I talked with her, I realised she was lively.

correction: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English writing conventions and the original text, the adverbial clause 〈when I talked with her〉 needs to be separated from the main clause by a comma, so a comma 『,』 should be added between the clauses 〈when I talked with her〉 and 〈I realised she was lively〉 to improve readability.