Writing prompt: Keep Safe at School

Student essay:
As more and more people are entering a college,the security of the campus becomes very important. Do you want to know how to keep safe at the school? Now,let me tell you about this.
We study together and play games together in the school every day,everyone is happy. But if someone hurts,it will be so bad! First,warm up before you do sport,if you don't do that,it's easy to get hurt. Second,don't run in the corridor,because it's easy to hurt yourself or others. Third,don't jump the queue at anytime,although very few people,otherwise it will cause unnecessary quarrels,and even fights! Please remember:You can't argue with anyone!
I think campus security is very important. Please keep safe at the school!

Corrected essay:
As more and more people enter college, the security of the campus becomes very important. Do you want to know how to keep safe at school? Now, let me tell you about this.
We study together and play games together in school every day. Everyone is happy. But if someone gets hurt, it will be so bad! First, warm up before you do sport. If you don't do that, it's easy to get hurt. Second, don't run in the corridor, because it's easy to hurt yourself or others. Third, don't jump the queue at any time, even if there are very few people. Otherwise, it will cause unnecessary quarrels and even fights! Please remember: You can't argue with anyone!
I think campus security is very important. Please keep safe at school!

Error analysis:
error_sentence: As more and more people are entering a college,the security of the campus becomes very important.
correct_sentence: As more and more people enter college, the security of the campus becomes very important.
error: are entering a
correction: enter
error_type: Verb Tense Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Verb Tense Error: According to the context, the simple present tense should be used here, but the original sentence uses 〈are entering〉 which is present continuous tense, so 〈are entering〉 needs to be changed to the simple present tense 『enter』 to fit the context; ② Determiner Error: According to English expression habits, 〈college〉 as an abstract stage of education does not require an article, so the redundant 〈a〉 is deleted to conform to the habit.

error_sentence: Do you want to know how to keep safe at the school?
correct_sentence: Do you want to know how to keep safe at school?
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 〈the〉 indicates specificity, but it is not needed when referring to a general concept, so the original phrase 〈at the school〉 is modified to 『at school』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: We study together and play games together in the school every day,everyone is happy.
correct_sentence: We study together and play games together in school every day.
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 〈the〉 indicates specificity, but it is not needed when referring to a general concept, so the original phrase 〈in the school〉 is modified to 『in school』 to comply with grammatical rules.

error_sentence: We study together and play games together in the school every day,everyone is happy.
correct_sentence: We study together and play games together in school every day. Everyone is happy.
error: ,everyone
correction: . Everyone
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, two independent clauses must be separated by a period to avoid a run-on sentence; in the original sentence, 〈We study together...〉 and 〈everyone is happy〉 are two main clauses, so 〈,everyone〉 is changed to 『. Everyone』 to comply with grammar.

error_sentence: But if someone hurts,it will be so bad!
correct_sentence: But if someone gets hurt, it will be so bad!
error: hurts
correction: gets hurt
error_type: Verb Voice Error
error_severity: 3
error_description: Verb Voice Error: According to the context, the meaning here is "if someone gets hurt"; the original verb 〈hurts〉 is in the active voice, but the subject 〈someone〉 is the recipient of the action, so it needs to be changed to the passive voice 『gets hurt』 to fit the context.

error_sentence: First,warm up before you do sport,if you don't do that,it's easy to get hurt.
correct_sentence: First, warm up before you do sport. If you don't do that, it's easy to get hurt.
error: ,if
correction: . If
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, two independent clauses must be separated by a period to avoid a run-on sentence; in the original sentence, 〈First,warm up before you do sport〉 and 〈if you don't do that,it's easy to get hurt.〉 are two main clauses, so 〈,if〉 is changed to 『. If』 to comply with grammar.

error_sentence: Second,don't run in the corridor,because it's easy to hurt yourself or others.
correct_sentence: Second, don't run in the corridor, because it's easy to hurt yourself or others.
error: don't
correction: don't
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to English writing conventions, a space is needed between punctuation and a word; the original phrase 〈Second,don't〉 lacks a space, so it needs to be changed to 『Second, don't』 to conform to writing conventions.

error_sentence: Third,don't jump the queue at anytime,although very few people,otherwise it will cause unnecessary quarrels,and even fights!
correct_sentence: Third, don't jump the queue at any time, even if there are very few people.
error: don't
correction: don't
error_type: Space Error
error_severity: 1
error_description: Space Error: According to English writing conventions, a space is needed between punctuation and a word; the original phrase 〈Third,don't〉 lacks a space, so it needs to be changed to 『Third, don't』 to conform to writing conventions.

error_sentence: Third,don't jump the queue at anytime,although very few people,otherwise it will cause unnecessary quarrels,and even fights!
correct_sentence: Third, don't jump the queue at any time, even if there are very few people.
error: anytime,although
correction: any time, even if there are
error_type: Conjunction Error
error_severity: 5
error_description: ① Spelling Error: According to English writing conventions and sentence meaning, this part means “any time”; 〈anytime〉 needs a space to fit the meaning, therefore 〈anytime〉 should be changed to 『any time』 to conform to writing conventions and meaning; ② Conjunction Error: According to the context, 〈although〉 cannot connect the preceding and succeeding logical relationship, so 〈although〉 needs to be changed to 『even if』 and the clause structure needs to be completed.

error_sentence: Third,don't jump the queue at anytime,although very few people,otherwise it will cause unnecessary quarrels,and even fights!
correct_sentence: Third, don't jump the queue at any time, even if there are very few people. Otherwise, it will cause unnecessary quarrels and even fights!
error: ,otherwise
correction: . Otherwise,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English grammar rules, two independent clauses must be separated by a period to avoid a run-on sentence; in the original sentence, 〈Third,don't jump...〉 and 〈otherwise it will...〉 are two main clauses, so 〈,otherwise〉 is changed to 『. Otherwise,』 to comply with grammar.

error_sentence: Third,don't jump the queue at anytime,although very few people,otherwise it will cause unnecessary quarrels,and even fights!
correct_sentence: Otherwise, it will cause unnecessary quarrels and even fights!
error: ,
error_type: Punctuation Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Punctuation Error: According to English expression habits, a comma is not needed in the coordinate noun phrase structure 〈quarrels,and even fights〉; therefore, the 〈,〉 needs to be deleted to simplify the sentence structure and conform to grammatical norms.

error_sentence: Please keep safe at the school!
correct_sentence: Please keep safe at school!
error: the
error_type: Determiner Error
error_severity: 2
error_description: Determiner Error: According to English grammar rules, the definite article 〈the〉 indicates specificity, but it is not needed when referring to a general concept, so the original phrase 〈at the school〉 is modified to 『at school』 to comply with grammatical rules.