thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I cope and rebuild my life after ending an 11 year abusive marriage?
I am going through a divorce from a narcissistic sociopath who left me for another woman after mentally and emotionally abusing me for 11 years. I have moved to a different state and after giving up my successful business am working as a server at a restaurant. I’m coping as best as I can. Is it normal and healthy to not adapt as quickly and be as strong as I think I should be? I am astounded at his cruelty and how much he doesn't care, as well as most other people in my life. I feel like I don't exist to anyone anymore as there is no contact from anyone who I thought cared about me. My brother just said no to lending me a few hundred dollars for me to live on. I am losing faith in humanity itself.

Answer:
I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you. This tells me that you didn’t have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you. Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they can’t do any better. Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get. The way I see it, he did you a favor. You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be. Take this time alone to work on you. As hurtful as it may be that other people don’t want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you. Your statement “I don’t feel like I exist anymore” tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also don’t have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are. People can and will let you down. It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self. Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it. Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily. Google “positive affirmations” to find some that resonate with you. Such statements might be “I am a good person who deserves to be happy” or “I can do this.” Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well. There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing. When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them. Good luck with rebuilding your life. I know it is hard! Remember to take it one day at a time.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?
I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.    How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

Answer:
Normalizing cross-dressing and being open about who you are.  Consider if this could be a deal-breaker , which would encompass considering if you want to be with someone who does not accept you for all you are? Also explain your personal reasons and the possible reasons many others crossdress, how it is not always for sexual stimulation.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer:
It sounds like you may be putting yourself last. You wrote that you want to fix your issues but never get around to it. I wonder how you are spending your mental and physical energy. Are you spending time taking care of and doing for others? I also wonder where the thoughts and feelings of being worthless are coming from - are you around people who treat you poorly or are hurtful? Or do you feel it is more of a worry you have but aren't really sure how others feel? It may be helpful to talk to someone about your feelings - a counselor perhaps - to clarify your feelings and move forward from se that are hurting you.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt?
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer:
Hello, and thank you for your question. This is a very serious time. I don't mean to frighten you, but you are right to be concerned. The time right after people leave the hospital after receiving psychiatric services is a time of high risk for suicide. It is very important, after hospitalization, to get follow-up care with a professional as soon as possible. If your husband has an established therapist, this is the time to call. It is also a good time to alert your support system of friends, family, clergy or others to let them know he is still struggling. This is good support for him AND you.It is important to think about means and opportunity to make another attempt. Means really do matter.  So, if you have a firearm in the home, it is really important to remove it. You can't remove all things that a person may hurt themselves with, but some things are more lethal than others. Firearms are very lethal. I am not sure what means he used last time, but try to reduce the opportunity for him to access it again. This is where your support system can help out. People can take turns hanging out with him until you are sure the crisis is over.If you believe that an attempt is going to occur, talk to your husband about going back to the hospital. If he refuses, you will want to find out what your options are to have him go even if he doesn't want to. I know the thought of that really hurts, but it can save his life. Calling 9-1-1 is always a good option if you are not sure. Usually a suicide crisis, meaning they want to harm themselves right now, lasts a few minutes, hours or days. Sometimes when you get them through the crisis stage, they no longer want to commit suicide. But, as you are indicating, that feeling of wanting to commit suicide can come back again. So, it is always good to have a plan. If you want more information, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They will always answer: 1-800-273-8255. They can help you create a specific safety plan. I do hope things work out alright. Be well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

Answer:
HelloYes many couples have survived infidelity. How sincere is he with wanting to work it out?That means alot in recovery. The key is to understand that cheating is a choice. Please don't take the betrayal personal.Look at the foundation of the relationship.  Is there cracks that can be healed? How do you feel about betrayal? Honest communication is the key to healing. Never assume monogamy discuss it. No one can tell you if you should stay or go. That is a very personal decision. Start by setting up face to face time to discuss the affair and emotions.  If this may be hard please get a counselor or therapist that can meditate this journey. Just remember even if you decide to leave you still need support to heal. Just because you leave the situation,  the trauma still exists.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I learn to be content and at peace?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend After being together for over 4 years. I truly believe I did the right thing, but omehow being single now has made me very needy and unsure of myself.
    I am seeing someone casually and I am losing my mind with anxiety about how he feels about me and this need for validation.
   How can I learn to be content and at peace with myself regardless of my career, relationship status, etc?

Answer:
Millions of people deal with anxiety disorders on a daily basis. Whether it’s a result of a specific phobia, a traumatic event, or just generalized worry, anxiety disorders take a toll on our mind and health. There is help for anxiety disorder sufferers, and therapy is the first place to start. If you deal with an anxiety disorder you most likely have looked into ways you can help calm your emotional roller coaster. Perhaps you’ve even tried some self-help techniques in the past. While these methods can provide some relief, it’s often temporary.To rid yourself of overwhelming anxiety once and for all, you’ve got to get to the root cause of it – the underlying factors. A therapist can help you identify and eliminate these underlying factors.If you are suffering from an anxiety disorder, here are 3 ways therapy can help:1. Uncover Root Causes of the Anxiety DisorderLike any other health issue, effective treatment gets to the root cause. For instance, your doctor can either prescribe a medication to try and manage your hypertension symptoms, or she can request you clean up your diet and exercise, addressing the root causes of your high blood pressure.A therapist will assist you in accessing your emotional world so you can study your thoughts and feelings and uncover patterns. Often, unhealthy beliefs and thoughts lie at the root of anxiety. Once you identify what is causing you anxiety, your therapist can begin to create a plan to help you face these underlying issues calmly and confidently.2. Therapy Helps You Change Your BehaviorsWe’ve just talked a little about therapy helping you uncover the thoughts and beliefs that are causing the anxiety. Those thoughts and beliefs are not only making you feel bad, they are causing you to have certain behaviors that may result in negative consequences.For instance, your anxiety leads to insomnia or denial of intimate social connections. Therapy will help you make lifestyle and behavioral changes. You’ll learn how to cope with difficult situations in a more relaxed manner. Therapy will help you to stop avoiding certain people and situations and develop a calmer and more balanced sense of self. 3. Therapy Offers Continued Personalized SupportAll change is hard, even change that’s ultimately good for you. One of the biggest benefits of therapy is that it offers continual personalized support. Your therapist wants to see you succeed and will offer encouragement and advice without judgement.If you’ve been living with anxiety, know that you don’t have to deal with it alone. If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, contact a mental health professional.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
I want to assure you that there is no such thing as having too many issues for counseling.When you decide to see a therapist, make sure to find someone who has expertise in each of these problem areas you mentioned. In your first therapy appointment, they will take a history of everything you just shared and more to help you determine goals for treatment.You and your therapist will agree upon how often you’ll meet to get started working toward those goals. You and your therapist will likely prioritize what to focus on first to help you get the most benefit from therapy as quickly as possible. Then, as you meet therapy goals, you will likely move on to others.If it seems daunting or overwhelming, keep in mind that as you work on your trauma history, for example, you may notice that anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues improve. And as you work on psychological issues, your physical issues — like insomnia — may decrease.Lastly, it sounds like you have a loving, supportive partner, which is a mental health protective factor and a possible determinant of a more successful therapy outcome. It’s never too late to get started improving your mental wellness. I hope you reach out soon and get the support you so deserve.
Topic: legal-regulatory

Question: Is it a normal practice for a team of doctors who are connected by state or profession to discontinue your treatment?
They discontinued treatment for no apparent reason after they thought to diagnose me with schizophrenia.

Answer:
The general rule against medical abandonment says thst whenever healthcare providers discontinue treatment with you when you still need it, they are legally required to make sure that you have access to another provider of equal or higher ability.In this case, if your treatment team decided to discontinue your treatment based on a diagnosis of schizophrenia, they still will likely be required to provide you with a referral to someone who can provide you with treatment. If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend that you explicitly ask for a referral.
Topic: relationships

Question: I want to become a better man
I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together?

Answer:
Hard to say a whole lot without knowing more. However, if you focus your attention on her, what she's saying, what she's feeling instead of trying to make yourself heard and understood first, that's often a good step. Also, work on building win-win agreements with her, and follow through on them. Those are the areas I see men fall short on most often. Hope that helps!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Therapy often brings up big emotions - and generally ones that we may have been pushing down for a long time! Crying is one of the ways that our body deals with a sudden change in emotions. It's a bodily function just like any other. There's no "normal" way to be in therapy, but crying is a frequent occurrence in the office; it's why most therapists have a tissue box close to where you sit!
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I deal with a “crush” in a relationship?
I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it’s “just a crush” but I don't know how to cope with it.    How should I deal with this?

Answer:
No one can tell you how to deal with your own relationship, even a therapist. But, you should absolutely give your girlfriend the respect of believing both of those statements she gives you: development of feelings and it being a "crush." If that makes you feel a certain way (mistrustful? no difference in feelings) then that is what is most important to understand. When you understand exactly how YOU feel about hearing this news, then we can know how you should deal with this.You have every right to be in the relationship or to leave the relationship. But if trust is broken, first and foremost it needs repairing. What that repair looks like varies (but can often involve couples therapy, which may be complicated because of the long-distance nature of the relationship.) Otherwise, staying in a relationship that has become mistrustful for you, and not prioritizing the repair, is a recipe for disaster.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: I'm not sure if I want to trust my husband again
My husband used a lot of negative words to hurt me, and I moved out. He is seeing a counselor and wants another chance to make things right. I'm not sure if I trust that he will not go back to his old ways.

Answer:
I am glad he is seeing a counselor.  That is something that most men struggle with doing at times.  Time will tell if his actions are of good intentions.  However remember that a person can only do to you what you allow them to do in relationships.   What part did you play?  Did you down play his disrespect at one time?  Did you give up the power of your own voice?  Did you lose yourself in the relationship and it became just one sided?  Did you allow him to make you doubt yourself?   In others words, if you do decide to give him another chance, what would you do different?  Not saying that you are the blame or cause of the negative words AT ALL, but don't allow such disrespect from him or anyone else in the future.  If you do decide to give it another try, go in with a voice, with the demand of respect, with your needs and wants expressed and expected.  With an increase in your self worth and confidence, you will know what to do if his actions are true or if with dishonest intentions.   Seek counseling as well, if you need that additional support to find self.
Topic: sleep-improvement

Question: I’ve suffered from insomnia and nightmares for about 3 years
It takes me a long time to fall asleep; I’d estimate about two hours. I often have nightmares, starting with being eaten by a monster, and I often wake up frightened and unable to breathe. I believe I started losing sleep after breaking up with a girlfriend of 8 years. Also, my father’s business went bankrupt and my mother has a chronic condition. I was under a lot of stress, and life lost meaning. After improving my life and developing a habit of running and exercise to release stress, my symptoms improved. However in the past couple months, I started losing sleep again and having nightmares without warning. How can I solve this issue?

Answer:
You’re noticing that as you lie down to go to sleep, there
is quite a bit going on, which may be anxiety related. It sounds like the
dreams and difficulty sleeping are reminiscent of previous experiences you had
around the time of your break up, the difficulty with your father’s business,
and your mother’s health issues. These connections to past events may be
important insights to continue exploring in addition to finding out more about
what your dreams may be trying to tell you. There is no exact science to
dreams, but many people find it fruitful to explore the content as it relates to
significant themes in their lives. I think that exploring these issues further with
a therapist could help you resolve whatever is causing you the stress, trouble sleeping, and frightening dreams.
Topic: stress

Question: How can I be less stressed?
I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do?

Answer:
What are five ways to reduce stress?Here Are 5 Important And Effective Ways To Reduce Stress And Anxiety 1. Practice deep breathing exercises 2. Just lie down on the floor 3. Focus on an object to help calm your breathing 4. Take a break and listen to some music 5. Smile even when you don’t feel like smiling 😃
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: I’m having problems moving on
We're not together, but I’m still doing things for him and we are intimate. He’s not there for his son.

Answer:
You didn't ask a direct question because I feel from what you wrote you already know the answer.  I hate to sound harsh but I am a therapist that call it how I see it so brace yourself...You will always continue to have problems with letting your child's father go as long as you:Don't love or respect yourself first...Don't love and respect your son...Don't demand respect as a woman and mother...Give up the goods regardless of what he does for you or your son...Don't hold your son as a priority in your life....Have self worth of a $1, etc.I have a feeling you are saying...I do love my son and hold him as a priority even if you don't do it for yourself...I would ask...Are your actions of allowing such disrespect from his father proof of that?I know what I have said may have gotten under your skin...I want it to.... because I feel that you have a conscience, want to do better, know you and your son deserve better and you can do better.  Believe in yourself and that you and your son DO desire better and it starts with you setting boundaries with his father.  You can do  it!!!
Topic: anxiety

Question: What should I do about my stress before track meets?
I am on the track and softball team. My school is small, so I play all four sports it offers. I feel obligated to do track because I'm not a horrible runner, and my dad wants me to. The catch is is that the days before a track meet and the morning of, I get sick and cry.

Answer:
Seems like you have some confidence in your track abilities, but feel pressured by your dad to continue something you don't really enjoy.  Are you maybe worried about disappointing your dad, or is it something about track itself that upsets you or overwhelms your body?When we try to push through stuff that's too much for our bodies (whether that's physical or emotional), that stress will show up no matter how hard we try to bury it.   Sometimes that shows up as crying or irritation, other times that shows up as physical symptoms.   For you, it could be both.  Based on the symptoms showing up days before a meet, it could be more emotional since it comes so long beforehand.  I'm assuming you are very active already, so extra exercise probably isn't too helpful and may only put more stress on your body.  Do you feel like you ever get a chance to truly relax?  Always running on overdrive with little gas is exhausting.  Try giving yourself permission during the period before the track meets to just do something that slows you down.  Doesn't have to be super long--even 10-15 minutes a day could give your brain and body a very needed break from that go-go-go lifestyle.Pay attention to your sleep as well.  I don't know anything about your nightly routine, but if you are struggling to sleep that could enhance the symptoms of anxiety before your meets.  Some calm activities before bed could help here.Of course, you could try talking with your dad about whats happening if you think he'd be able to support your needs.  That's not always possible, and if not, no worries.  There's a lot you can do to get through what's happening.  If you have another caregiver in the picture that feels approachable, you could talk to him/her about how you are feeling.  Also, take a look at strategies for performance anxiety online.  Even if you don't have that particular type of anxiety, the strategies are really great and can at least help a little if you are still engaging in track.