thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: parenting

Question: Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?
My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

Answer:
It sounds like your dad makes you feel badly about yourself when he screams, cusses at you, and compares you to your siblings. I am so, so sorry you are going through that. That would be considered emotional abuse because it sounds like he is greatly hurting your feelings when he is behaving in that way. My heart goes out to you. No one deserves to be treated like that and you do not have to allow yourself to be treated like that. Please try to find a therapist who could give you tips for creating healthy boundaries with your dad regarding how he treats you.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What should my boyfriend and I do to cope with his cancer?
We have been together over a year. We spend time together every day no matter how busy. He started to be unusually fatigued and losing weight. He also began to be distant and sexually selfish. We had a argument, and he confided he has late stage stomach cancer. He wont treat it.

Answer:
I wonder if both you and your boyfriend could have a conversation about what you both want, wish for, and desire from one another right now. That doesn't necessarily mean that your partner will give everything that you ask for, but this is one of the ways that he can learn more about what would help you through this and you can learn how you could support him, since traditional medical treatment is not something he wants.You may also consider using some open-ended questions (not yes or no answers) to talk about what you're feeling about both about his cancer and about your relationship. Both of you may discuss different ways that you would like support from one another.I would also see if he was comfortable with you disclosing this to one or a few of your close friends (with him considering doing the same) so that you both have support that includes each other and also includes others because there may be days when you both have a negatively emotional day at the same time and would benefit from talking with someone else.It may also be a matter of conversation to discuss what makes you happy together and use those positive moments to help move through more difficult ones.
Topic: depression

Question: I'm seriously unhappy with everything in my life but I know I don't have any reason to feel this way
I can't even smile or fake one. I can't feel happiness about anything and I can't show love towards another person not even my girlfriend. I hate myself sometimes. All I see is ugly.
   I can't get over the loss of a loved one and I'm not close to my family. What can I do?

Answer:
Did
this begin around the time you suffered the loss of your loved one? You have my
deepest condolences.  Perhaps the grief
around that is what is the root of your being unhappy.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?

Answer:
Your question is very meaningful to your relationship.And, the possible reasons are endless.It is definitely a topic which affects both of you.  You need to gently ask your boyfriend this question directly.  How you ask, how he answers and the discussion or lack of discussion which follows, will show a lot about the comfort you each feel being with each other and what conditions would improve the sex life.Medical rule out is always the first consideration.Before addressing in detail any topics of trust, care, love, ways to express oneself sexually, your boyfriend needs to know that here isn't some physical problem preventing him from having sex w you.If he is told by his doctor that there is no medical reason, then the two of you are free to talk about why he stops himself from having sex with you.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
The therapeutic relationship should be collaborative.  The client is the expert on their life, and the therapist is the expert on helping the client to develop their sense of being. Growth occurs as a result of challenges. Therefore, I would suggest not looking to train the therapist, but rather to find one that will help you develop into the you that you desire to be. Finding the right therapist is like finding a pair of black heels. Not just any black heels will do. But when you find them, you just know that your search is over. It is also wise to expect that they won’t always feel comfortable.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
Studies show that the most important determinant of success in therapy is the quality of the relationship between therapist and client. It is very important that you find the right therapist for you. If you feel that your therapist understands you, doesn't judge you, or is someone you can trust, these are all good signs that you have found the right therapist for you. It may take a few sessions for you to know whether you're in the right place or not, but if you decide it isn't working for you, there is no shame in telling your therapist. We want you to get the care you need, and we know we can't be the right fit for everyone.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
Choosing the right therapist can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming. I know many people come to therapy with hesitations and potential fears but a therapist should be there to help you along the way and support you as you build a trusting and collaborative relationship. You won't have to "train" your therapist to give you what you need. Through open dialogue and feedback you and your therapist, together, can determine what works best for you. But do remember that being able to trust your therapist to guide and support you is key. So if you're having a hard time connecting with your therapist after 3-4 sessions, you will want to bring it up to them so you can discuss any barriers and if needed, request a referral for another therapist.
Topic: parenting

Question: Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?
My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

Answer:
Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you!!  I pray you have other strong and supportive loved ones or friends surrounding you. If you are in school, please consider speaking with a counselor on site who can help give you some good coping mechanisms as well as other resources.I believe most therapists would agree that this type of behavior is indicative of emotional AND verbal abuse. And quite often the two overlap because someone who is being yelled at and demeaned is also frequently having his/her emotions preyed upon as well. Healthy Place offers us some great examples of emotional abuse which certainly fit the criteria of what you describe:Yelling or swearing Name calling or insults; mocking.Threats and intimidation.Ignoring or excluding.Isolating.Humiliating.Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim.And abuse survivor and author, Kellie Jo Holly, offers some other great examples of verbal abuse:Emotionally Abusive StatementsYou’re so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at you trying to think.I can’t believe I love a stupid jerk.Aw, come on, can’t you take a joke?Sexually Abusive StatementsYou should know how to please me by now.I hoped you were less experienced.Stop acting like a whore.Financially Abusive StatementsYou are going to nickel and dime me to death!In what world does buying that make sense?Fine. You handle your finances. Let me know when things go to hell.Societally Abusive StatementsHow dare you spread around our private business!Let me do the talking; people listen to men.You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!Threatening and Intimidating StatementsIf you don’t train that dog I’m going to rub your nose in its mess.I will take our kids if you leave me.You’re scared?! This isn’t angry! You will KNOW when I’m ANGRY!Spiritually Abusive StatementKeep your stupid beliefs to yourself.God will find a way to get you back, and it ain’t gonna be pretty.I can feel myself being pulled into hell just listening to your nonsense!It's been my personal clinical experience that children who are experiencing the types of things you describe often say they feel misunderstood, lonely, or scared and don't want to make things worse by standing up for themselves. Even if you feel you can't defend yourself outwardly, that doesn't mean your father's awful and toxic behavior is something you should ever internalize (i.e., believe to be true) which is why I hope you are surrounding yourself with people who will speak life and positivity back over you.  We are ALL worthy of respect, love, and kindness. Don't ever forget that!My love and light to you hon.Tamara Powell, LMHC
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: Do I have bipolar disorder?
It's been like a couple of years that I've been feeling like this. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I get so sad and cry and then I feel better. But then I get upset with people so quickly, and I hurt their feelings. It's this constant rollercoaster, and it's hard.

Answer:
Hello, and thank you for your question. Bipolar disorder is generally characterized by extreme changes in mood, ranging from mania (highs) to depression (lows). There are different types; however, so here is a website that gives you a list of symptoms for mania and depression in bipolar disorder: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression?page=2After reviewing these symptoms, if you believe you may have bipolar disorder, then you may want to see your primary care provider or a counselor. Bipolar disorder is treatable, but for many people it requires the right medication and sometimes counseling to help people make behavior changes that are important for bipolar management. For example, some people may not get regular sleep, but proper rest is important for bipolar management. A counselor may talk to you about this and other lifestyle changes that you may need to make. The good news is that many people live happy, healthy, and productive lives with bipolar disorder. So, if it turns out that you do have bipolar disorder, it doesn't mean that things can't get better. There is currently no "cure" for bipolar disorder, but with proper medication and lifestyle management, people can do quite well.Hope this was helpful. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Topic: depression

Question: I'm very depressed?
I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?

Answer:
Silly you took the first step to "claim it"  you are by posting on here.  All of us are here to help.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I avoid becoming wrapped up in family issues and control my anxiety about them?
I started dating my fiancé two years ago. My first cousin is married to my fiancé’s sister. There has always been a communication issue between my uncle and aunt and my cousin and his wife. My uncle goes to my mom instead of talking to my cousin, and it upsets my mom.

Answer:
Based on the information provided, this is an issue with boundaries.   Sounds like your uncle goes to your mom and possibly your mother takes the issues to you.  I do not like to assume so I will direct you to information regarding families dealing with enmeshment and triangulation.  Enmeshment is the concept of diffused boundaries in families and other personal relationships.  Triangulation is two individuals relaying information to a third party what cannot be said directly to each other.  From someone who has dealt with both these issues on a personal level, being informed about family dynamics is beneficial and can help you develop healthy boundaries for yourself within your family structure.  You may need assistance with developing healthy boundaries.  Although it is possible, it is not easy to change the way you have been operating for any extended amount of time.  Hope this help!
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I get over my fear of accidental pregnancy to have sex again?
I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her.

Answer:
I would suggest possibly talking with a physician about all the different types of protection. They may be able to help you to know about all of the options that are available.It sounds like your partner is open to understanding your concerns. Perhaps until you have the chance to speak with someone about the effectiveness of different contraception and forms of protection, are either of you open to other forms of engaging in sexual intimacy (without penetration, but with use of vibrators, toys designed for sexual interactions, etc.)?
Topic: depression

Question: How can I find myself again?
I just don't know what I want in life anymore. I'm can't figure out what it is that is keeping me distracted and unfocused. I can't put things into perspective at all. I'm just stuck, and I'm disappointed with my lack of accomplishments.

Answer:
Give yourself credit for what you already know.For instance, you do know that you're unsure about your life direction. Take off any pressure on yourself to decide an answer in a certain amount of time.  Inner reflection work takes time and has its own course.   Trust that answers will show once you've done the work to understand yourself and circumstance, and the relationships in your life.From what you describe, your interest is in a broad scope life change. One direction is to start with only one specific part of your life you would like to change.  By examining one area in detail you will gain self-trust and confidence in handling your life.   And, you will have clarity as to which area to change first.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I tell if my spouse had sex with a prostitute?
My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

Answer:
One question I have,  is how would this impact your relationship now if you were to know the answer? It sounds as though you may be experiencing issues with trust in your relationship. I believe the bigger issue here is not whether or he has had sex with someone else a few years ago, but more that you lack trust within your relationship. Are there other behaviors you’ve noticed that indicate untrustworthiness? It may be worth exploring sources of mistrust versus dwelling on a possible affair. Hope this helps.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How does counseling end?
How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

Answer:
Hopefully both the client and counselor would together decide when to terminate counseling sessions. It's really helpful for the client to leave counseling with a solid sense of what he or she has accomplished in counseling, so it can be a good idea to spend some time acknowledging that in the last session or sessions. Sometimes, however, a client has needs beyond the scope of the counselor's expertise. That's a good time for a conversation about those needs and ideas of  how best to meet them, whether by adding in care with an additional mental health professional or transferring care entirely to a new mental health provider.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I always feel the need to tell people everything
Whenever I don't tell my friends or anyone what I did or stuff that's not really important, I feel terrible, like there’s a hole in my stomach. It only goes away when I hurt myself.

Answer:
Sorry to hear of your situation.Possibly you are overlooking that your own Self is someone worth talking to as well.None of us are ever really alone because we are always with ourselves.Self-talk is a major part of what guides our decisions and how we make sense of relationships and situations.    Even after telling people the stories or activities, hearing their comments, it is always within ourselves that we decide if the way we were received by these others, the comments we heard back, feel right and accurate to our lives.I hope the feeling of a hole in your stomach would decrease by enjoying your Self.    I am guessing that hurting yourself makes the stomach hole feel less bad because the physical pain you create in yourself distracts you from feeling it.Enjoying your Self by talking kindly, loving, and having inner dialogue may very well decrease the feeling of a hole, altogether.Sending lots of good luck!
Topic: depression

Question: is it normal not to feel empathy?
I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Answer:
It's very common to lose the ability to experience empathy when you are overwhelmed, burned out, and/or exhausted.  Empathy is about accessing your own emotions in a way to understand someone else's experience or circumstance.  If there's something in you (emotionally) that you may be trying to avoid, it may shut-down your willingness to feel or express empathy altogether.  This also happens often with emotional exhaustion, as well as if we aren't putting up boundaries with our empathy.  Brene Brown has a great video on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U3VcgUzqiI.One way to think about this is to ask yourself what your anxiety is trying to tell you.  Is there maybe something that you aren't addressing in your life that is bugging you?  Or do you feel you are addressing too much and are spread too thin?  I'm also unsure if your comment means you don't have any emotion for yourself or you don't have anxiety for yourself, but I want to point out that you do have some sort of emotion for yourself.  That's the very reason you have asked this question!  Fear does a stellar job at masking emotions like sadness and shame.  You may not be aware of these feelings, but they could still exist.Loss of empathy can sometimes lead to a disconnection from the pain of others, though the extreme versions of this are not very common.  If you do start to experience homicidal ideation or thoughts about seriously harming others, it's important you talk to someone right away.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How can I avoid family members who stress me out?
My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.

Answer:
It is difficult to implement healthy boundaries when the person is a parent or family member. I would encourage you to identify how it makes you feel after talking with your mother. Work on establishing healthy boundaries where you do not feel obligated to engage the complaining daily. Maybe setting a time limit to talk with your mother and practicing how to be assertive and not disrespect or aggressive. Helping your mother understand how you feel using  "I" statements  i.e  ( I feel _____ when you call to talk about my sister). Maybe asking your mom how can you be supportive of her during this time other than listening to her vent. It may also be helpful for your mother to get connected with support groups to help her cope with this life change.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I get my wife to forgive me?
I didn't trust my wife when I found out that she had a new guy friend that she was texting and calling. I investigated him before I found out that he was gay and that there was nothing going on. Now all my wife and I do is fight about trust.

Answer:
Instead of fighting about trust, is it possible for you and your wife to talk with other about areas which upset each of you?Whenever feelings are hurt, knowing what exactly is problematic and being heard and understood by the partner, goes a long way to building trust.These type of discussions are hard to have, and especially for the first time.  A lot of emotions arise and often people lose their conversation focus from this.If you and your wife have a tough time opening up to each other, consider scheduling time with a couples therapist.Just by each of you committing time to invest in the relationship will show faith in the relationship, and this may contribute to restoring trust.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How do I find myself?
I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

Answer:
Because you put this under the category of spirituality, I'm not sure whether you are asking how you find yourself as far as religious or spiritual beliefs or overall.If you are talking about learning more about religious or spirituality, consider either going to or speaking with someone who is involved with a nondenominational church service (the Salvation Army usually has something) so you can discuss questions or ideas that you may have.As far as finding yourself in general, I suggest considering what makes you happy and/or comfortable. I also wonder if looking at the list of values here may be helpful to you: http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
It is very routine to feel all of the different emotions in therapy.   I have had clients cry in therapy out of happiness, sadness, love, joy, and from laughing so hard!  Yes, crying is a normal part of therapy for many people.