thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer:
The most important action you can take here is validating her feelings and staying calm when she is crying and "freaking out".  It's equally important to do some self exploration regarding your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors towards making mistakes and how you respond to your mistakes.   When she is calm, ask her what a mistake means to her.  Giving her examples of different kinds of mistakes and listening to her responses will give you an idea of how extreme her thoughts are.  Taking this opportunity to share with her your own struggles with perfectionism or some other area would help her feel more at ease.  Reminding her that she is enough just as she is would be helpful as well.  Encouraging her self care routine will help develop a greater sense of balance regarding her priorities.  The practice of mindfulness will be helpful in self awareness.  Creating a plan on what to do when the early signs of "freaking out" surface will strengthen her coping skills.    Your fears as a parent are completely understandable and this definitely needs to be addressed.  Your daughter cannot bring about change on her own and will need the family to work towards this change as well.  A therapist that specializes in anxiety/perfectionism would be a great resource.  They may also help you all have a greater understanding of what the root of this need for perfection is and how it plays a role in the family.  I suggest one or two sessions without your daughter would be helpful to develop a course of action.    I hope this was helpful.   It takes a lot of courage to seek help and guidance, I'm glad you posted.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I be interested in the same sex after nearly 40 years of being straight?
After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.

Answer:
Few people are actually 100% straight or 100% gay.  Sexual preference exists on a continuum. Over the course of many years a person's sexual preference may shift.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to cry during therapy?
I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Answer:
Hi there !  As someone who has practiced as a clinical psychologist for 25 years , I would say that crying is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AT ALL ! Almost every single person I have worked with has cried at one point or another.  Starting therapy takes a lot of courage; when you work with a therapist ,once you feel safe ,  you talk about a lot of very private and potentially emotional things that you may have never discussed with anyone before.  I have seen  people cry with sadness , cry with relief at releasing painful things they have held onto for a long time, cry because they feel so relieved that they finally feel heard.   I myself have sometimes cried with clients because some things they talk about are so profoundly moving.   I can assure you that most , if not all , therapists expect clients to cry  and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.   Crying can be very cathartic and can allow us to release a lot of painful feelings we have been stuffing down.   Crying is  often a sign that you are really working things through and getting in touch with feelings that you need to get in touch with in order to heal .So , to summarize , don't worry at all about crying! It will probably feel uncomfortable  at first , but I promise you , you will not be judged for crying in therapy.   And it will be less embarrassing once it happens a time or two and you are assured that your therapist will be there for you and won't judge you !Good luck !!
Topic: parenting

Question: I don't know how to communicate with my adult daughter
There is just no communication at all between us. She sleeps constantly all day (not at night). She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat.    She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.
   I don't know how to communicate with her. She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her?

Answer:
Not much to go on.  Her age medical etc.  This can be frustrating seeing a loved one sick.  Find what interests her or has an influence over her.  If you know why...maybe try and allow her to heal.  Presents things in front of her that give her no choice but to focus on instead of what has put her in this state.  What brings her joy? Good luck
Topic: spirituality

Question: How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?
My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Answer:
This suffering and clinging to the past, especially a troubled past or a past that we dont like, may be  amplified due to the Christian framework that may be built into your life. I am not averse to religion, i just think that many times it puts unreasonable expectations on us and helps us to form a guilt complex or perhaps even insecurities, we are humans and humans make mistakes. you mention the straight and narrow, this is a notion that you must give up on and let go, humans can never travel the straight and narrow for their whole lives there are bounds to be mistakes, we are the most fallible species on the planet and please tell your fiance to have some mercy on himself, he is not perfect. Here is a story about clinging on to things you may find useful to mediate on:Once
there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal
river. The current of the river swept silently over them all -- young and
old, rich and poor, good and evil -- the current going its own way, knowing
only its own crystal self.
Each creature in its own
manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging
was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned
from birth.
But one creature said
at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes,
I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let
it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."
The other creatures laughed
and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled
and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"
But the one heeded them
not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed
by the current across the rocks.
Yet in time, as the creature
refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and
he was bruised and hurt no more.
And the creatures downstream,
to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves,
yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!"
And the one carried in
the current said, "I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to
lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this
adventure."
But they cried the more,
"Savior!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again
he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior.
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: Is work burnout a real condition?

Answer:
It absolutely is a real thing.  Work can take a significant toll on a person in many ways. There are several things you can do to manage burnout at work. Depending on your specific work environment, some of these might be more realistic than others. It may help to set firm boundaries between your work life and your personal life. Also, it often help s to create some variation in your work schedule or work tasks. At times, burnout can also stem from a lack of challenge at work. Feelings of being burned out by work might be a sign that it's time for a change.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
In short, no you do not have too many issues to address for counseling. You and your counselor should work closely together in order to prioritize. Typically anyone coming to therapy has more than one underlying issue. It’s rare that someone comes with just one concern to address. There are so many things throughout life that contribute to our current circumstances. Your therapist shall be prepared to address what you feel is most important and work from there. Hope this helps.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I don't like going outside anymore
I don't understand why this is happening. Why do I feel this way?

Answer:
The first step to answer your question is to reflect on what is going on in your life overall.  If you're in the midst of severe stress, whether within your relationship or effort to establish a relationship, upheaval in family dynamics, some type of significant loss like a job or someone with whom you feel closely attached, then you may simply be creating the solitude which is necessary to better understand and absorb the meaning of these changes.I assume you mean you are by yourself when you are indoors.What you write sounds like you're not happy with this recent urge rather than that you and someone or others are having great and fun times together.One way to encourage yourself to go back outdoors is to connect w a friend or search for an interest within you to develop.This way with either of these, you'd feel a little bit of motivation to join and get more involved with either of these.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?
I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

Answer:
Therapy does not work overnight, oftentimes it is a lifelong struggle, the therapists job is not to "cure" you or to remove something but rather to make you strong enough to live your life with your own peculiarities and struggles, remember we are human and constantly fallible. Another important thing to note is that although you go to therapy, that is just a room, most of the magic and work takes place in your real life outside of that room.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: What does it mean that I feel like different genders?
I was born a girl. I look like a boy. I sometimes feel like a different variation of gender. I don't know what to say if someone asks my gender. I just get really confused and usually say my birth gender.

Answer:
If you're feeling like your gender is different than the gender you are born with, and there are many different terms to help describe that. Gender is actually looked at on a spectrum. Transgender is just one of those terms, but looking at the information here may help: http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender. I'm not saying that you should use the term transgender to describe yourself because that may not accurately describe what you are experiencing, but I'm just trying to point you to some more resources.As for what to say to someone who asks your gender, that becomes a question with a lot of different parts. This is probably something that would be best talked out with someone else who you trust. I don't know whether that is your family, friends, and mental health professional, and member of the clergy, or someone else. There are many different things than you could say and they are all related to how much you already to share with other people about how you feel regarding your gender.Generally, I would suggest it would be important to become comfortable with how you feel yourself and possibly tell some people whom you really trust first. Also consider that once you tell someone something, it's not possible to undo it, so if you tell someone, they may tell someone else. Then there is also the matter of people having very different reactions related to different genders and not everyone will be supportive. I hope that you are able to surround yourself with some people who are willing to understand and work through this with you so that you have some ideas how to react if you come across someone who does not understand.Please remember that there is always someone to talk with.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Oh My! Absolutely it is! I half jokingly tell my clients if I don't make you cry at least 1x during therapy, I am not doing my JOB!  I also let them know I am highly sensitive and may tear up with them, but not to worry, I cry at a good hallmark commercial :) Crying in therapy is not only normal, it is healthy and expected. I keep 3 tissue boxes in my office, all within grabbing distance. When you are in there, a lot of times you are working on really heavy, difficult stuff that maybe you have not shared before, and that may stir up emotions and tears.  People don't tell you how hard of work therapy is, but it TRULY is HARD WORK if you are doing it right.  Let the tears flow, they are cleansing and can help you heal.
Topic: anxiety

Question: What is social anxiety?

Answer:
Almost everyone has some level of social anxiety.  Because we need others to survive (this is overwhelmingly true in the research) it makes sense we worry about what others think.  The thing to know is that social anxiety exists on a spectrum.  Some people experience very little, some more, and some feel debilitated by their social anxiety.  This can be influenced by past social experiences, including those within your family.  Going through trauma can make it more likely you will experience higher levels of social anxiety.The ways in which we regulate social anxiety can be really backward.  Because we are worried about embarrassment or judgment from others, we tend to overthink about our responses and react to people awkwardly, which robs us from our spontaneous responses and can  make people feel uncomfortable around us.  That doesn't always mean people are judging you, but it can still get in the way of genuine connection. Ruminating about what others think of you doesn't always mean you have a disorder.  However, if it is interfering with your functioning in any setting, that may be a sign that you could benefit from help.  You can always seek help no matter what level of social anxiety you have.With the condition of the nation right now, there aren't many groups running in person, but social anxiety groups are shown to be super effective for reduction of symptoms.  There may even be some online groups you could partake in if you think you could benefit.
Topic: relationships

Question: What can I do about my partner's parents not liking me?
I’m in my early 20s. My ex’s parents are friends with them and have told them bad things about me. I left my ex due to an abusive situation, and they are making me look like I was the bad one.

Answer:
Maybe you can talk with your partner about this first look at the different elements of a possible conversation in the future. If you are at a place where you are willing or able to disclose the reason that you left your ex, that could be one element of the discussion, but it doesn't have to be.I don't know how long we have been together with your current partner, but perhaps his or her parents would see you for who you are and make their own opinions over time. That may be a discussion to have with them as well.Hopefully your partner will be a good sounding board before these conversations.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What does it mean when my wife says she loves me but isn't "in love" with me?

Answer:
Usually someone means by this that the person cares about you, feels warm and friendly, has an interest in helping you, believes you have positive qualities such as kindness, and are generally a likable person toward whom the person feels affection.Romantic love and intimate involve a deeply felt dynamic that is unique to the particular couple.  The dynamic results from the shared identity of being part of that particular couple.  Loving another person is a one way dynamic of one person toward another person.In love is appreciating and freely wanting to continue, contributing to the couple's shared dynamic.Good luck in understanding more about your happiness and satisfaction in the current relationship!
Topic: anxiety

Question: I'm worried about my new job
I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.
   People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Answer:
First of all, congratulations on your new role! Transitions can be challenging, and it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of change.  This would be difficult for many people, and it seems that you have an added layer of challenge.  I recommend visiting a therapist to determine the root cause of your anxiety and working to unravel those causes piece by piece. I know seeing a therapist can be challenging when traveling, and online counseling could be a good solution. In the meantime, here are a few of my favorite anxiety stopping strategies.  1. Grounding Exercises: When you feel your anxiety increasing, take a deep breath and begin things in your room (or where ever you are) that have things in common. For example, name all of the blue things that you can see.  You can also do non-visual grounding exercises like naming all of the hte sports teams you can think of or all of the state capitals.  This will get your mind off of your anxiety and connect you to space.  2. The pretzel: This is a seated pose that will stop any anxiety attack in its tracks.  Start in a seated position and cross your dominate leg over your nondominant leg. Then, stretch your arms out in front of you with the back of your hands facing one another.  Cross your arms in front of each other so that your palms are touching.  Flip your arms into your body.  You will end with your elbows by your side and your hands crossed under your chin.  Close your eyes and take long breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.  This calming pose will help you get through even the toughest of panic episodes. 3. Bilateral stimulation and visualization: Start in a seated position with your hands placed on your knees. Tap each knee in an alternating pattern. Close your eyes and begin visualizing a peaceful setting. The combination of bilateral stimulation and visualization will help calm your body and mind.  I could go on and on, but these techniques should get you started.  These techniques should help you manage anxiety in a pinch.  Best of luck!
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
Absolutely not.  Whatever problems you are facing, I promise you there are others out there facing the same problems and counseling can help.  The right therapist is out there.  What is it that bothers you the most right here and right now?  That answer may change from day to day or moment to moment and that's ok too.  As you go through therapy, you may find that as you work on one thing, others seem to be less significant.  Sexual abuse, cancer, and insomnia are in no way insignificant, but each one may be easier to handle as you deal with the others.  For example, reprocessing sexual trauma might improve your sleep, and both may even improve your relationship.  Congratulations on 35 years!Start with small goals.  Remember, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.
Topic: trauma

Question: How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future?
I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater.

Answer:
I can imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Having past traumatic experiences creap up on you without warning can be very scary and stressful. You may be suffering from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder. Getting evaluated by a professional would be a good step to take next. By seeking treatment and having a therapist who you trust and can connect with, you will gain the ability to think about your experiences without it significantly interfering with your daily functioning. A therapist can also help you to develop new coping stragies to be used during recall of these experiences and help you to adopt healthy thought patterns. I would also recommend that you seek support from loved ones. Sometimes just talking about your experiences and associated feelings will alleviate some of the emotional troubles you are suffering from. Lastly, you may find meditation or mindfulness work to be of great benefit. Having the ability to live in the present moment should reduce the effects of your traumatic experiences interfering with recalling your past or looking forward to your future. I wish you all the best!
Topic: depression

Question: How do I overcome my anxierty and depression?
I’m facing severe depression and anxiety and I just feel like I’m going through a lot. This really distracts me and I cant get my mind off the things that are bothering me.    How do I overcome this anxierty and depression?

Answer:
Anxiety and depression are often linked. I don't consider them as diseases. Depression is a symptom of deep hurts to the sense of self that leaves a person feeling shamed. Anxiety is a symptom of not being given the proper emotional resources to handle the problems of life. It is also the result of being taught that life is a dangerous place that can't be managed.
Topic: intimacy

Question: I'm scared of hurting my boyfriend after he had a cyst removed from his testicles
My boyfriend and I have not had sex in a couple of weeks. He had to have a cyst removed on his testicles. I have been wanting to have sex with him for a while now, and it drives me crazy not to be able to make love to him. I'm scared to touch him and get close to him because I'm afraid that I will hurt him.

Answer:
Are you talking with your boyfriend about his doctor advises on starting to have sex again?Being able to talk together about topics that involve both of you, will establish a new type of intimacy on an emotional level.Also, there are many ways of making love.  If your bf's cyst hasn't yet healed, then another way of both increasing your emotional intimacy and learning different love making suggestions, is to read about these together with him.I hope the two of you enjoy learning new ways of sexually taking care of one another, while developing more emotional closeness in the process.