thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: intimacy

Question: I feel completely alone in my marriage
I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

Answer:
Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following: 1.) Understand what his primary concern is2.) Understand what your primary concern is3.) What would you like to see different?4.) What would he like to see different? 5.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy
Topic: anger-management

Question: How can I deal with the anger problems I've gained from my soon-to-be husband?
I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage/anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does, but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to just stop. I have two young babies that have to hear this, and I don't want my girls growing up with a mommy like I have been lately. I just don't know how to get back to my old self.

Answer:
My gut says that your own rage is being triggered partly because you feel trapped or shutdown by your fiance's moody/angry/rage responses and powerless to stop it. You can start by accepting that this is who he is and you won't change him. You can only change your own behaviours, and I see you taking responsibility for those, which is great. You want to protect your girls, and that's appropriate; children are greatly affected by this type of home environment. I urge you to see a therapist so you can understand your own emotions and sort out the choices you have to make, knowing that your fiance has to make his own choices about his behaviours.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life
We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?

Answer:
How is he penalizing you?Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my girlfriend?
My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.

Answer:
I would say talk to her about her depression. The best thing you can do is let her know that you are there for her as a support system. I would encourage her to talk more if it helps and encourage her to get move involved in doing activities she likes to do. Also, getting connected in a community of people is important to help with feeling depressed. Encourage her to speak with a therapist or counselor to address her depression as she has made a major change in her life by deciding to stop drinking. She may believe moving is the best to help with this. You can share with her that you want her to stay and express to her how you feel. Ultimately, you will have to respect her boundaries and the decision she chooses to make. She may want to move and this may be what she feels is best for her life. If she does choose to move that will be her decision. It sounds like she is trying to do what is going to make her happy. Maybe staying in the city she is currently in is causing her more feelings of sadness.
Topic: spirituality

Question: I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion
I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

Answer:
Hello, This is a really tough question and there are no easy answers to this, however, I can recommend that first of foremost, it is important that you learn to accept yourself. This is easier said than done, and I can acknowledge and validate that sentiment. All to well, I have worked with clients such as yourself who struggle to learn how to accept themselves in the face of what appears to be insurmountable obstacles. Nevertheless, it is POSSIBLE! It begins with finding a good counselor who can walk with you through this journey to self-acceptance. I cannot and neither can anyone guarantee that your family will change and accept you (although I have seen in my work with clients like yourself where the family has moved from intolerance to tolerance with the ultimate goal of acceptance), it does not mean that some change is possible. As stated earlier, I highly recommend that you talk with a counselor, psychologist, psychotherapist, etc. who specializes in this area.
Topic: trauma

Question: PTSD is impacting my whole life
I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago.    How can I get my life back?

Answer:
This is a great question. PTSD can be very complex and debilitating. It must be very difficult for you at this time.When we feel complex emotions such as anger, frustration, and possibly low-self worth, the tendency is to try to avoid or suppress these emotions. The more you avoid them, the more these emotions will express themselves, and at the worst times. This may be why your PTSD symptoms are harming your relationships and your job status.To help you get your life back, it is important to process your emotions with a counselor that has specific training in trauma-informed interventions. To process emotions, you start by inviting them in, observe them with compassion and without judgment. When we observe our emotions, it starts the healing process because we separate ourselves from them. Remember, thoughts and emotions are constructed. You are not your thoughts, nor your emotions. They are messengers telling you to pay attention to them. The more we avoid the messengers, the louder they get, to the point that they are crippling you in more than one way.I hope this helps you begin your change process. For more information, please here is a link to a trauma post on my blog The Wisdom Room.Please reach out for help. And contact me with any questions.Sincerely~ Catherine ClevelandCleveland Emotional Health
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer:
People who feel worthless were, in one way or another, were told that they are worthless. This is the lie that they are living with. The work of therapy is to help people see their true good selves. This gives them self esteem.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How do I find myself?
I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

Answer:
The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action..
Topic: depression

Question: How do I overcome my anxierty and depression?
I’m facing severe depression and anxiety and I just feel like I’m going through a lot. This really distracts me and I cant get my mind off the things that are bothering me.    How do I overcome this anxierty and depression?

Answer:
Have you used meditation or hypnosis? Relaxing the mind and connecting with your true self is a great way to calm your thoughts and get to peace and calm. Hypnosis and meditation have helped a lot of people with anxiety and depression. Google hypnotherapists near me or write for a while about what is going on.
Topic: parenting

Question: How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?
My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?

Answer:
I am really glad you reached out. When parents get divorced, they still need to figure out how to have relationship so that they can parent their child. We might divorce our partners, however, we don't divorce our children. If anything our children need to know that we are still a stable force in their lives. Unfortunately, in some relationships children get used as a bargaining piece and I am hearing that may be happening in your relationship. You can move on from the relationship with your ex while still maintaining a relationship with your child. It is possible and it takes both parents to agree to do the right thing by their child. It is important for your children to have some consistency in his or her time with you. For example, if you and your ex don't have a parenting schedule it is something that you want to create so that you can not only decide for you when you will see your child, but your child can know when you will be available just for her. This will lay the foundation for consistency and allow your child to have some security in troubled times.I would highly recommend you sit down with your ex and discuss how you can both be a positive source in your child's life. How you can both be there to help raise her. If this is not a conversation that you can have on your own you might seek out help from the court. There are parenting experts and mediators who might be able to assist you.Remember, in any discussion keep the focus on what is best for your child and you will be moving in the right direction.Best of luck to you!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
It is never out of the ordinary to get emotional during a session.  Sometimes we will ask clients to talk about some pretty intense topics, and that can easily trigger the emotions wired with those topics.Even knowing that, it can be really tough to experience that level of vulnerability. If you are seeing a therapist currently, it could help to process how it feels to you to show raw emotion if that's something that concerns you.Either way, it is awesome that your body was able to let some stress out for you!
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I tell if my spouse had sex with a prostitute?
My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

Answer:
Most of us trust our guts, or go to someone who can help us to piece the puzzle together, like a therapist. In this case, is that what's important? The knowing that he had it or knowing he had it and how he allowed himself to get into a situation like that? If he did, how do you feel about it? I'm curious. It sounds like you are too. Talk to someone to explore this situation. Hope that helps!
Topic: depression

Question: Is it possible to get PTSD from being very depressed?
I have manic depression and last summer was very very bad. I have recurring nightmares and I avoid anything that will give me a similar feeling as I did that summer.

Answer:
A PTSD diagnosis requires an event which occurred at least 6 months prior to the symptoms.   Depression is a common symptom of PTSD, but depression can come from many other sources as well.  In the end, diagnoses are systems of behavioral labels.  If you believe that one label (PTSD) is worse than another (Depression), you are creating a false hierarchy.   Consider consulting a CBT therapist, such as the fine clinicians listed in AcademyofCT.org.  You may also want to look at my book, Living Yes, for many ideas about challenging your thinking and improving you mood. www.LivingYes.org. I hope you feel better soon.  ~Mark  (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)
Topic: anxiety

Question: I want to feel more comfortable around people
My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people.
   How can I feel more comfortable around other people?

Answer:
I have to start off by saying that I admire you so much for your devotion to your son and the fact that you stopped working to focus on and care for him. That cannot have been easy! Not to mention being in an abusive relationship where you are made to fear for your physical but also your emotional safety. You may or may not believe this- but it sounds like you’re a really strong person. And it also sounds like you want to feel better about yourself and be social with others, however you don’t know how to do that right now because like any normal person who has been harmed by someone and who has felt unsafe by someone you may not trust so easily, you are out of practice with being around others and having healthy relationships, and because of what you have been through you get anxiety from being social. The fact that you want to change that though is a huge positive. Was there ever a time when you didn’t feel nervous around others? Was there ever a time when you did feel comfortable around people? What goes through your mind when the idea of socializing comes up? These are some questions to explore in order to determine how you could feel more comfortable around people. In order to really answer your question I feel I need more information from you. In the meantime though, the first step is to recognize that you are not abnormal in your feelings, QUITE the opposite, and to not put pressure on yourself when you feel nervous around others. My suggestion is to seek therapy so that someone can make more specific recommendations by asking you some more questions, as more information is needed to really assist. Best of luck!
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get my husband to listen to my needs and talk to me?
I tried telling my husband I was depressed, and he ignored me. He said "you're always sad or depressed." And he picked up his phone and ignored me. I said, "Please don't exaggerate, that isn't true." And he said, "Whatever babe. You just want to be sad."
   How can I get through to him so he will take me seriously?

Answer:
I'm sorry to hear that's how he's responding, that doesn't sound very helpful or validating of your emotions or respectful of your boundary to to communicate differently with you about your feelings and mental health.  Ask if he's willing to read a book on communication with you (Gottman's "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" is excellent!), or attend couples' therapy together so that you can work on building your emotional connection and have healthier communication. It's also possible that he's not willing to change his mind. Regardless of where he stands, you can always take steps yourself towards bettering your mental health and wellbeing - going to therapy, discussing medication with your doctor or psychiatrist (also have them do bloodwork to check your thyroid functioning, hormone levels, and complete metabolic panel to check for any vitamin deficiencies), moving your body in ways that feel good, spend time with friends doing something enjoyable or meaningful.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

Answer:
Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer:
First of all, it is excellent that you are self aware and able to identify the pattern to your moods. Many people suffer from the winter blues, which is called Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Some people notice that during the Fall and Winter months, they tend to struggle with signs and symptoms of depression such as sadness or hopelessness, lethargy, sleeping to much or too little, changes in appetite, loss of interest in usual interests, and possibly suicidal thoughts.  It would be best to consult with a therapist experienced in this disorder, as they will be able to guide you towards possible solutions such as changing negative thought patterns, light therapy, exercise, nutritional support, and possibly medication.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: My friends accusing me of having problems
They're calling me names like hypocrite and a baby even when they act in the same manner as I do. I'm tired of being called names. What should I do?

Answer:
It sounds like your confused as to why your friends would be calling you a hypocrite when they act in the same manner, correct? Communication is key to any relationship. I would recommend speaking with your friends face-to-face to address why they feel your behavior is concerning. In-person contact is the best method of sorting out differences considering texts, emails or any written response can be misconstrued. Be upfront with them and let them know that being accused of hypocrisy is hurtful and you feel it is unfounded. If after speaking with them you feel that they have valid reasons for the way they are feeling, maybe you can consider modifying your behavior accordingly. Especially if this friendship is valuable to you. However, make sure they are aware that there is a respectful way to address these issues and name calling is not one of them. On the other hand, if you feel that their reasons are indeed unfounded, it may be best to distance yourself from the relationship. Not all friendships are healthy ones. And it is important that you surround yourself with people who are an asset to your self esteem as opposed to those that hinder it.I hope you are able to get this matter sorted. Best of luck!
Topic: depression

Question: I had a baby about 2 months ago and I really haven't been feeling myself
I am always down and out. Could this be postpartum depression?

Answer:
Probably.  I always tell the new parents I work with (and this is just as true for dads as it is for moms) that if you are feeling off, seek help.  Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net) is a great place to start finding resources and locating support.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I determine if I should be a boy or girl?
I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl.

Answer:
Gender is personal thing.  There is not just boy and girl.  It is ok to be a boy and feel feminine and date women.  It is also ok to be a transgendered women and date women.  Have fun with it and feel it out.  What is right for you?
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why is it so hard for me to talk publicly?
I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety?

Answer:
you can learn lots of skills/techniques to feel more confident in what you need to do that will decrease your anxious response for sure! :) And  you can also learn how to work with your personality that may not like the attention. You may find that "talking" to others through the internet is more comfortable and you are great at it, or that you love one on one talking but aren't really made for group talking. There is a place in this world for you either way! Public speaking skills can be practiced in speech class, or toastmaster group, they will give you practice in a safe environment where the cool kids or cutest boy aren't ready to laugh at you.  What topics are you interested in and what groups can you do a little speaking up? Maybe in your small group at church try and raise you hand to share your opinion, or maybe your Girl Scout troop? Look around for a peer and one adult who you like to hear speak out, ask them to share with you 2 things that help them feel comfortable speaking in public. Check out some Ted Talks and see how they share in groups. Social anxiety is a difficult concern and picking apart what is your awesome personality and what needs skill building and mindfulness/anxiety  help are important steps. Good luck!