thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: Can i learn to be happy alone?
I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one.    How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone?

Answer:
Is it possible that even though your illness is chronic, that it goes through phases in which you are more comfortable and that it requires less focus from you than at other times?I think the idea of having a lifelong illness is frustrating and can be depressing to think about.  Thoughts are not necessarily the truth of what will actually happen though.Illness makes negative situations look worse so be sure you are concentrating on specific areas of your life and not just assuming they will work out badly because you are ill.One way to be happy alone is to love and appreciate, nurture and be kind to yourself.This frame of mind may generate new answers to find ways of being among other people too.
Topic: marriage

Question: My husband doesn't trust me
My husband doesn’t trust me for some past we had. I know all marriages have their ups and downs, but sometimes, I feel I am getting tired of the same thing over and over: that I am messing around, which I am not.

Answer:
Hi Louisiana,It's normal when trust has been broken in the past for fear and insecurities to come up from time to time. His reactions may not mean that he doesn't trust you, but rather that he gets scared that he's going to be hurt again. You're a bit vague about the past. You don't say whether you cheated or not. If you did, then you might try taking an approach where you a) take responsibility for your past actions, b) show an understanding of and compassion for his pain about that, c) do everything you can to demonstrate trust and show that he is your priority, and d) reassure him when he says he's scared or feeling insecure. I'm suggesting that part of healing is you having tolerance of his emotions and demonstrating that you're so confident you can be faithful that you can handle his moments of fear. This is what he and the marriage need in order to heal from the attachment injury.Part of the issue might be that when he brings it up, he's coming across as angry, accusing or suspicious, rather than scared and insecure. This often happens. A therapist can help both of you understand that fear is behind the anger, and it works best if he shows you his vulnerable emotions rather than the anger (which is also natural, but less helpful in those moments), and then you can more easily recognise the cue for you to reassure him. As much as you want to forget about it, he might need to talk about it sometimes, and that's normal. His needs are important. Also important, however, is your need for respect. If he approaches it in a disrespectful way, that's a separate problem. If it's brought up as a weapon, used to shut you down, or used to control or punish, those are unhealthy ways of dealing with past hurts. You can both offer compassion to him and use your sense of boundaries to protect yourself from being flogged with the past.A qualified therapist can help you sort through this trick territory. Best of luck.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt?
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer:
This is actually more common then we often realize, and actually understandable, as he has gone through a trauma, an unresolved existential crisis.  He was taken care of by others and now is again left alone with his own internal, and rather horrific inner struggle.In my work with CCT, or Contextual Conceptual Therapy, (see www.suicidetherapy.com) I have learned how trapped suicidal people are in their own isolation, also called a "mysterious isolation," a form of self protection which cuts the off from their Self, or spirit.  And unless they address this message from their soul, accompany a guide on a journey to discover their own missing information, that is to recognize how their own uncomforted emotional pain has resulted in a coping stategy which has effectively cut themselves off from their own beauty, their Self, and their ability to receive love from themselves and others. Their attempt to kill themselves is a cry from their soul or spirit that they cannot live the life they are living any longer.  They take this literally and try to end their life, when in fact what their soul or spirit is saying is they need to begin to live the life they came here to live.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Absolutely Normal to cry during therapy !
Topic: anger-management

Question: How can I control my temper?
I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child.

Answer:
Anger is a normal emotion, no different than joy, elation, or sadness. It's not anger that gets us in trouble it's the overtness of the emotion or how we allow it to manifest that gets us in trouble. Being able to control your temper depends on several variables: how you saw anger acted out as a child in terms of your primary caregivers and what you internalized as being normal in terms of managing conflict, and your communication style regarding how you confront problematic situations. There are some whose anger takes on a volcano effect whereby they don't readily address problematic situations but rather they continue to stuff their emotion until the right trigger causes them them to explode, and then there are those who are very impulsive in terms of how they react to stressful situations, they don't take time to think out situations or to make sense of them, they just impulsively respond. I would encourage you to seek anger management from a therapist who utilizes a Cognitive Behavioral approach in order that you may explore how your irrational thinking related to certain situations may be influencing your problematic behavior. In addition, I would encourage you to engage in activities that promote stress reduction if your blowups are indeed related to being overly stressed. The first step is recognizing that you have a problem that you need help in understanding and addressing, which you have, now take the next step in finding a therapist in order that you may learn to control your temper and undo some faulty wiring that may be related to how you process emotion, and communicate that you're angry. Remember, anger is the overt expression of some other emotion (i.e., disappointment, hurt, frustration, etc..) Hope this helps...
Topic: depression

Question: I hate talking to people much less strangers
My doctor thinks that seeing a psychiatrist will help with my depression and anxiety. Now my anxiety is worse, what do I do? Writing on here has taken every bit of strength I have left.

Answer:
Did you take the medication the way the psychiatrist prescribed it?  Did you follow up with her/him to report how it was going?  Different medications work differently with different people.   It's not always the first one that helps.  And some of the medications take some time to have an effect.  Give the doctor the chance to help you. I suggest you find a certified CBT therapist to help you examine your thinking.  www.AcademyofCT.org has listings of the finest CBT clinicians.  In the meantime, do some "anxiety fasting" by taking a few minutes to do something nice for yourself right now.  I hope you feel better soon.  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I make the voices stop?
I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little.    I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop?

Answer:
You are right. It is not normal to hear voices that aren't your own but the fact is some people do. In my experience, medication seem to help. It is also important to understand when you hear voices the most - meaning it is important to understand what the triggers are. It is also important to understand when the voices are the least - meaning what helps you deal with the voices better. My clients have reported that their triggers are being in social gathering or around strangers or for some even the TV. Trying to identify your triggers is helpful for some people. Clients have also reported that listening to music, watching TV, being with friend or family helps them deal with their voices. Every individual is different and you need to figure out what works for you and what triggers your voices. My suggestion is to see a therapist / health care provider and then go from there.I hope this helps.
Topic: legal-regulatory

Question: Is it ethical for a social worker to ignore a client’s phone calls?
I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me?

Answer:
Yes, your former social worker should return your phone call.It is the professional ethic to do so and plain human decency to do so.If he doesn't, there is nothing you can directly do about the fact of his ignoring you.There are formal complaints you can make, which you can consider doing.What matters most is receiving social work service.Stick with looking for another social worker who is willing to help you.The self-doubts you mention may be worth examining.They do not, however excuse the social worker mishandling himself.
Topic: diagnosis

Question: How does a counselor diagnose someone with a disorder?

Answer:
Different Licensed Professionals are trained to use different types of tests and interviews to identify symptoms and draw a diagnosis.  In Counseling we use an interview evaluation that considers person's physical and mental health, plus their social and economical environment in combination with Psychological testing.  The evaluation process usually takes the first two sessions, depending on how many persons are interviewed and what type of assessments are provided. ¿Cómo se diagnostica a una persona?Diferentes Profesionales Licenciados están entrenados para usar diferentes tipos de exámenes y entrevistas para identificar síntomas y diagnosis.   En el área de consejería utilizamos un proceso de entrevista que considera la salud física y mental de una persona,  su ambiente socio económico, en combinación con exámenes psicológicos.  El proceso de evaluación normalmente toma las primeras dos sesiones, dependiendo de cuantas personas sean entrevistadas y de qué tipo de evaluación se utilice.
Topic: depression

Question: is it normal not to feel empathy?
I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Answer:
Its not normal to feel no empathy.Maybe you do have a little more empathy for yourself than you realize, since you seem to express some empathy toward yourself not feeling emotions.Try to understand the circumstance about which you feel anxiety.   This may increase your empathy toward yourself.If you feel anxiety about a relationship, then empathize with having lost the relationship.If you feel anxiety about not having enough funds to pay bills, then empathize with yourself for this situation.If you feel anxiety about how someone engages with you, then empathize with feeling unsure of how to respond to this.Basically, see if you can substitute empathy toward yourself for the tension of your anxiety!
Topic: trauma

Question: Is it possible for a person to stop feeling emotions?
I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?

Answer:
You're not a sociopath - you're traumatized. Shutting off feelings is our brain's automatic way of protecting us when something bad happens and we just can't deal with any more pain. It's temporary - which is both good and bad news, because after the numb goes away and your brain decides you're ready to handle it, you'll feel the emotional pain.  My advice is to get a therapist ASAP so you have a safe place and a safe person when that happens.This is a horrible thing that happened to you, but you are not a horrible person. With good therapy you will learn to assimilate this into the rest of your life. You'll never forget, but you won't have the same pain about it  .Good luck! You can do this!
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
I don't think there is a thing as too many issues. It just going to take time to get through all of the issues.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: I’m afraid that I’m gay
I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time.

Answer:
Hi Brookfield, It can be unsettling when we feel something as fundamental as our sexual orientation shifting. I like that you're honest enough with yourself to say "I'm struggling with this". To accept that there is a question is a brave place to be. And...it doesn't necessarily mean you're gay.Unfortunately, we live in a culture that wants to put people in slots...male or female, straight or gay...we tend to not like those grey areas so much as a culture. The truth is that, if we grew up in a society where there wasn't this categorization...if we felt free to explore and grow sexually, we might be surprised at who we are attracted to. You don't have to put yourself in a slot. Our sexual preferences are more fluid than we think, and it can change over time.We also live in a culture where there is prejudice against homosexuality or "differentness" in general. The wish to not be gay can be powerful. Many people who are gay spend years believing they were heteroxual...fighting against, repressing  or ignoring their gay thoughts. This is needless pain. If you are gay, there is no shame in that and you can still have a glorious life filled with love and passion.Having said all that...just because you have thoughts about men or get turned on by gay porm doesn't mean you're gay. Many heterosexual people have thoughts and fantasies about the same sex; it's arousing because it's naughty...we're curious about the forbidden, or we're just curious. Becoming aroused by gay porn is normal for many heterosexual men. Sexual orientation isn't just about sex either. A different gauge of who you are sexually can be found in your emotions towards men or women. Are you drawn into emotional connections with men more than women? Who do you feel the urge to explore and be close to?Exploring your sexuality through being open to different experiences can help too. How does it feel to kiss a man, to touch a man, as compared with a woman...sometimes this feels like such a big and forbidden step that it's a barrier to discovering ourselves. We don't want to open that door. I wish you well as you do exactly what you are supposed to be doing...exploring and discovering yourself. It's an exciting journey and you might want to find a trusted person to talk more about this with.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How does counseling end?
How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

Answer:
Topic: spirituality

Question: I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion
I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

Answer:
Ultimately, to suppress your natural identity will work against you.However difficult, painful, frightening, it is to tell your family about your discovery about who you are, trying to avoid your own truth will do you harm eventually.One way to make this conversation easier for yourself is to prepare yourself for the outcomes you expect and know will be difficult.Take as much time as you need to accept the potential rejection because this way iff and when it comes you will be better able to handle it.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Crying in
therapy is definitely normal. A lot of people, if not most, cry in therapy. Why
does it happen? During therapy you'll explore your thoughts and emotions. Some
of them will be pleasant: joy, hope, excitement, etc., so you will smile and
laugh. Others may be more unpleasant, such as grief, sadness or anger, so you
may feel like shouting or crying. It's healthy to accept and feel all your
emotions and to express them in appropriate ways. Crying is a good way of
expressing sadness, disappointment and helplessness. If you try to cut off some
of the "negative" feelings, you are likely to also cut off your
positive ones and feel numb as a result. Crying in therapy speaks to your
ability to relax and let go in the presence of another human being (essential
for healthy relationships!) and it also speaks to your therapist's skills at
making you feel safe and comfortable. Good for you! It's your therapy and you
can cry if you want to!
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
You can be helped. Many of the people I see have multiple issues. These issues are often linked so that helping one issue will positively help the other issues.
Topic: anger-management

Question: Why do I get random spurts of anger over petty things?
I'm a teenager. I get random spurts of anger, like complete, pure rage. I figured it was hormones, but others notice it too. I get self-destructive. I used to cut but stopped. Now when I get mad, I bite my arms and fingers, pull my hair, scratch my face, or punch my thighs. Basically, I do things I can hide instead of breaking anything in my room and having to explain it to my mom. I don't live in a bad household. I have a great family, a great relationship with my boyfriend, and a good job. I have no idea what this is and I don't know how to control it. It's over any little thing. Tonight, it was because I couldn't get my earrings out. This happens maybe two to three times on a good week, and it's always over stupid, petty things.

Answer:
Hi. I'm glad you wrote. In general, when a small thing bothers us (and this happens to all of us), it's because the small thing triggers an emotion in us that we have felt "too much" or "too intensely" in the past, and we don't know how to manage that emotion effectively...we just want to avoid it as quickly as possible. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with a qualified therapist can help you to understand what is being triggered in you and learn how to manage emotions productively. You say that your behaviours are self destructive, and I agree. It sounds like you have developed a habit of channelling your distress towards self-harm, and this is a separate and potentially more serious problem. This is a choice you make that points to shame being an issue for you. Again, a good therapist can help you learn what's behind your shame and self-harm. Your feelings are normal, and you can learn more healthy ways to deal with them with qualified help.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: Why do I want to be the opposite sex so much?
I got sick really bad and was throwing up for three days and nights. I thought I was going to die. Then about a week later, I started having this desire to be female. I never had this desire before. All I can think about is being a woman. I don't get pleasure from my penis anymore either. Women are attractive, but not like before. I can also find men attractive now. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone.

Answer:
Hello, and thank you for reaching out to ask for help. Surely this is a very confusing time for you! If you have never had these
feelings and desires it could certainty shake everything you thought you knew
about yourself. 
My guess is that you becoming sick around the time that this
started is likely a coincidence, but I understand how you would make the
connection. 
I have a feeling that a few things may be going on here. It
is really hard to say since I don’t know you, how old you are, etc. But, I will
share you with you some thoughts. 
Some people, when they have undesirable thoughts that really
surprise them, have a really tough time getting rid of them. Our reaction to
the thought can be very strong and our tendency to try to block it out, stuff
it, avoid it, etc. is not always successful. In fact, it’s usually not. 
It’s like telling you not to think of pink elephants. I
would be willing to bet that you thought of a pink elephant just now. 
So, rather than fighting thoughts that you find confusing,
sometimes it is helpful to allow yourself to explore the thought with curiosity
and without judgement. Where is this thought coming from? What are my feelings
about it? Asking yourself these questions may help you come to a resolution
about what is going on. 
One possibility is that you have developed an anxiety about
your thoughts and now you are in the process of obsessing about them, but
another possibility is that you are legitimately exploring your sexuality and
gender. I get the feeling from your question that you do not want to believe
that it is second possibility. And that is okay. 
You can try some of my suggestions, but you can also see a
counselor who may be able to help you work through your confusion. I would
suggest someone who has experience working with sexuality issues. You can
usually find out what a counselor works with on their website. What is
important is that you find someone who is non-judgmental about what you are
experiencing. 
 
I wish you well.
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Topic: intimacy

Question: What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually?

Answer:
Depends:  What do would you like to see happen?
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
It is normal to cry anytime you want to. Sometimes the tears don't make sense to us and that's okay. It is important to recognize those tears as telling you something about how you are feeling that you may be missing.