thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I move on?
I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Answer:
Hi, Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery: 1. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them. 2. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional pain. Take care of yourself, keep yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster. 3. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying "Out of Sight, Out of Mind." 4. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new. 5. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders. 6. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist.
Topic: diagnosis

Question: Why can't I stop these thoughts?
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
   What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?

Answer:
Sounds like off the top of my head you are definitely experiencing Automatic Negative Thoughts. They just pop into your head, right? You don't even want them to come. Those are ANTs and the only to get rid of ANTs is to exterminate them! There are so many ways to exterminate them. I wonder where to they reside? Your head, stomach, arms, etc? There's a part of you where they reside. It sounds like it's time to explore those parts of you and to exterminate the ANTs. Connect with someone here. Brainspotting/Bodyspotting Therapy, Internal Family Systems Therapy, Psychodrama Therapy or even inner child work could be very helpful. Hopefully this helps!
Topic: intimacy

Question: My wife doesn't want to have sex
My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

Answer:
Hi Seattle,While it's normal in many relationships for there to be a difference in sex drives, I believe that your wife has a major barrier to having a healthy sexual relationship. I'd be curious about what it was like at the beginning for you both, but these things can change. Sometimes people with sexual barriers are very active for a period when they're young because they're trying to prove something or overcome a fear. Right now, you can both accept that there is a barrier and it's hers and she can explore that in a safe relationship with a therapist and perhaps a doctor. It's possible she's asexual (not interested in sexual activity but very interested in love), or that a trauma has affected her. It's for her to explore. Tell yourself that it's not your fault, stop expecting it to change, and encourage her to seek treatment with someone who specializes in sexual issues. Good luck.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?
I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

Answer:
A pedophile by definition is anyone who is sexually attracted to children.  This is applicable to children to are pre-pubescent.  So I'm repeating others here, but you are not a pedophile!The fact that you worry about this means that you wouldn't be OK with being a pedophile.  Sounds like you have a healthy reaction to your girlfriend!
Topic: depression

Question: Why am I upset or down every day even when nothing is going on?
How can I get to a place where I can be content from day to day?

Answer:
Your question is a fascinating one!As humans we have the ability to reflect on situations in our lives.Even if nothing currently goes on in a particular moment, it’s possible you’re reflecting on a serious or upsetting matter.And, our emotions linger within us.Just because a particular moment feels calm, inside your feelings may be the sense of a strong unsettled emotion from the recent past.Good for you to be aware of your own sensitivity to living with awareness of your moods and thoughts.
Topic: depression

Question: How do I overcome my anxierty and depression?
I’m facing severe depression and anxiety and I just feel like I’m going through a lot. This really distracts me and I cant get my mind off the things that are bothering me.    How do I overcome this anxierty and depression?

Answer:
Meditation may be able to assist you in lowering your anxiety and depressive symptoms. Meditation…Breaks Anxious Thought PatternsA common symptom of anxiety is having racing negative and obsessive thoughts that create a vicious cycle of worry within your mind. Meditation can reduce rumination and the break negative thought patterns by increasing your control over random unwanted thoughts and decreasing your tendency to worry by altering the way your brain responds to stress. For example, instead of following your negative thought down the rabbit hole, you learn to view your thoughts differently and recognize it for what it is – a thought – and let it go. Thank goodness to neuroplasticity and your brains endless capacity to change! Balances Brain ChemicalsAnxiety is brought on by various factors (personality type, emotional trauma, genes, prolonged exposure to stress…) and sometimes causes an imbalance of chemicals within the brain (GABA and serotonin). A meditation practice can assist in restoring the balance of neurotransmitters within the brain by increasing GABA (neurotransmitter connected to feeling happy and relaxed) and serotonin (another neurotransmitter connected to being happy) and decreasing cortisol (stress hormone).Builds A Healthier BrainBased on research and scans, individuals who have a regular meditation practice show dramatically larger amounts of gray matter, the volume of the hippocampus, thickness of the cortex, increased blood flow to the brain, improved neural connections between various parts of the brain and decreased size of the amygdala (controls autonomic responses associated with fear, arousal, and emotional stimulation). View full article here: https://www.therapybyshannon.com/blog-2/2019/4/16/meditate-to-lower-anxiety-levels
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I be less dependent on my boyfriend?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I've been really sad lately and for the past few months I've realized I'm just way too dependent on him. It makes me really upset to be so dependent on someone else, but I can't help it. I don't even know who I am without him.
   How can I be less dependent on my him?

Answer:
Create what I call the Intimacy Incubator™ where you begin to self-generate the love acceptance validation sense of belonging you feel you get from him.  Start to lessen the dependency more and more over time until you feel you are not as dependent upon him.What exactly does he do for you that helps your sadness? Find ways to give that to yourself, or find other activities that lift your spirit that do not include your being so dependent on him.  Also consider if you were in his shoes and you had been bestowed the responsibilities of being someone’s soul key to joy, and how consuming that could be. If someone you knew were in your shoes what would you advise?This video could be of benefit   3 STEPS to HEAL
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
Studies have shown that the most successful therapy is a result of a strong therapeutic relationship between the client and the therapist. So, you want to pick a therapist that you feel a connection with and communicates with you in a way that is relatable. The fact that you're using the word "train" leads me to believe you're really wanting a therapist that meets your needs, and you have very specific needs in mind. But, in a therapy/client relationship neither is the trainer. It's an open, collaborative relationship with you as the client voicing your needs and the therapist learning what your strengths are, analyzing your situation, and helping to guide you on your journey offering suggestions based on their education and expertise on possibly better ways to cope. You can ask your therapist about interacting in a way that works best for you, for example just talking, or talking and taking notes, or wanting handouts and homework, using an interactive app, etc. You can also talk to your therapist about wanting a brief, solution focused approach to a particular problem. This is the model most insurance companies prefer. Say you want to knock out a short term, specific issue in 6 sessions. But, depending on the issue, on average it takes a couple of months to see improvement and some people with more chronic, complex concerns may need therapy for years. So, you see why "train" won't work it's really about picking someone you can bare your soul too and that you feel you want a therapeutic relationship with for the long haul while you get help tackling the toughest stuff life has thrown your way.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?
I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

Answer:
It's absolutely normal!  For some people, it's scary to even make the appointment for therapy.  It can be overwhelming to think about talking to a stranger about very personal information, and that's exactly what we challenge you to do.  It can take quite a while to feel more comfortable with your counselor and the topics you discuss.  The more you show up despite your anxieties and talk about things that scare you, the less likely it is that you will feel nervous and shaky beforehand, depending on your expectations for sessions.  It could even be something you bring up to your counselor to process how that feels to you and maybe some reasons why that may be happening.  There's nothing wrong with feeling scared and I think it's courageous of you to keep going.  Sometimes feeling anxiety means we are doing something important to us; it seems as if maybe therapy holds some pretty big meaning for you!
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?
I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

Answer:
It is totally normal - you have a lot riding on this and you're invested! Think about why you feel so shaky - is it something about the therapist or their style? If so, it would be a good idea to talk with them about it so you feel more at ease. In any case bringing up your feelings about therapy in therapy is totally appropriate and even necessary. Good luck!
Topic: depression

Question: I need help with my severe claustrophobia, motorphobia, and anxiety
I've been having this ongoing problem for most of my life now. I am a young adult, and right now, driving and even being a passenger gives me terrible panic attacks and anxiety. I can't ride in the backseat or the front seat with the safety belt on. I have to lean the seat back a bit because the pressure on my back terrifies me. I miss so many opportunities to go places with friends and family because of my fears of having a panic attack. My family offers little to no support. They think it's fake or "all in my head." It makes me feel guilty and at times depressed to the point where I'd rather never wake up anymore. I am not self-harming, I just feel meaningless. This constant fear has taken over my thoughts and my life. I was such a happy person. I want my life back. I want to travel with my friends and family again, but I don't know how. I've almost given up hope on getting better and just accepting the fact that I'll live with this anxiety forever.

Answer:
Not having support from your family for such a significant problem, is a problem itself.How about your friends, are any of them nurturing or treat you kindly when you bring up that you've got this problem?Are any of your friends willing to accommodate the fact that right now you've got panic attacks from driving and being a passenger?Maybe being and feeling accepted while you're in this current phase of your life, would help diminish the panic attacks.If no support is coming to you, then a next step would be to evaluate the relationships in your life and to develop standards and expectations of others, especially that they are considerate of your great need at this time.Its possible you are bearing the emotional burden of a lot more people in your life than yourself.If no one wants to show they care about this situation, then release yourself from trying to please and satisfy everyone's wish that you be better, while they ignore your need for their support.Be realistic in what you're able to give back to people who want to be blind to your emotional need.Thinking this way will at first raise your anxiety level from fear of losing everyone.  Eventually, you'll stabilize within yourself and know that all you're asking for is some support for having a tough time. Hopefully, the others will be more responsive to you.If they don't you still know that you're being reasonable for what you'd like.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer:
It's so tough to watch your children struggle and it seems like you care strongly about how she is feeling.I think there's a lot of questions that come to mind when I read this question.  What things upset her?  How often do these things occur?  What would it mean if it "broke" her?  Also, is she a high school or college student still living at home, or a college student living out of home?  Just with the information given, it's possible she has some perfectionistic tendencies.  What this can mean is that there is a very clear intolerance for anything she sees as a failure, whether or not it truly is.  It can also mean that she neglects other important areas of her life in order to focus her attention on her academics.  Many people that deal with perfectionism often sacrifice social opportunities for work, which can be really lonely and stressful.Another thing to consider is that it may have nothing to do with being perfect.  If she is living out of the home, is this her first time out on her own?  That's a difficult change all in its own.  If she's still at home, is she nearing the age of graduation and feels the pressure of figuring out her life/career path?  Does she have other social issues going on with friends or is in an unhealthy relationship?  No matter the answers to these questions, you are the best judge of what your daughter may need.  It could be worth having a conversation to understand her perspectives and assess her willingness to see a professional.  And make sure you are taking care of yourself as well!  It's easy as a parent to become enmeshed with our children's pain when they are hurting, but taking care of yourself can best prepare you to help your child.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: What can I do when my family doesn't accept my sexuality?
I'm a teenage gay girl, and I'm in love with a girl a few years older than me. She loves me too, but we're not physically together at the moment. I've been thinking about being transgender soon too, but my family doesn't accept me, so I honestly don't know what to do about that because I feel like I have to constantly hide the real me. It hurts so much to hide the real me. What can I do?

Answer:
Many people do not accept the reality of gender beyond male and female.Obviously if your family doesn't accept your questioning status then this feels painful.All you really can do is continue your self-examination and know you're in a non-supportive family of doing so.To know the truth about your surroundings is much better than to not know, and also much better than pretending you are not in your current phase of gender expression questioning.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I be less afraid of people?
I am a female and in my early teens. I don't want to feel afraid of people. When I meet someone, I know that they are okay, but I still feel afraid.

Answer:
First off, this is totally expected for someone your age!  You are just moving into the phase of life where your "job" is to figure out your identity and who you are.  It's no surprise you are afraid of people, if that's the way you feel you are struggling.If you are worried about people harming you, that paints a different picture.  Do you struggle to trust your evaluations of others?  What makes someone safe (ish) vs. potentially dangerous?  Sitting down and coming up with some ways you have done this in the past or qualities of the people you trust now can help to disentangle what means safety and what means danger. We can never truly know how someone will behave, but if we always choose to never trust, then we miss out on connection as well.  Your brain is still growing so the great news is it's so flexible to change.  It remains flexible for the entire lifespan, but the teen years are really the last time it's so moldable.  If there's someone in your life you can trust, reaching out for help can make how you are feeling less intense.  It's never fun to deal with everything by yourself.  Hope this helps!
Topic: anxiety

Question: What can I do about my severe social anxiety when my family doesn't believe in it?

Answer:
I'm so sorry you aren't being taken seriously.  I hope you have at least one person in your life that believes you and will listen to you.  Sometimes when family members don't give us a chance to be heard, we can find someone in our lives that makes us feel like we matter.  If you struggle with finding that, a counselor could be that person for you.Other things you could try include finding ways to calm your mind and body.  There's a lot of apps available with calming scenes and soundscapes, such as Calm and Headspace.  St. John's Wart is also pretty popular for working with the symptoms of anxiety and depression and is available without a prescription.Just as a last note--you don't need your family to believe what you are going through to get better.  It could for sure make it harder, but if you can get through severe anxiety, you can totally get through the healing process.
Topic: domestic-violence

Question: I'm just not happy with my marriage
He is verbally abusive. When he gets mad, he just yells at me. At times, I feel scared.

Answer:
I’m sorry you are experiencing this and I’m glad that you are looking for help and support. I’m not sure of all the details so take from answer what you can. If you are feeling unsafe or scared in your relationship please know that there are non profit domestic violence services that can help and provide you some more support. They can also safely plan with you if you choose to leave. It seems that you might be feeling defeated and if that’s the case a lot of domestic violence non profits provide free counseling if you are needing to talk to someone. What you are going through can be overwhelming and your are taking the right steps toward healing