thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: legal-regulatory

Question: Unethical Therapy Practices
What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation?

Answer:
I will admit I am confused about this question. Are you the other parent in question or a concerned coworker of this therapist? Therapists do not prescribe or have access to medication. Most therapists won't even get involved in a custody battle. They know there is a good chance of their records ending up in court and that they themselves will have to testify in court. Of course, therapists are human and can make mistakes, but I find it highly unlikely that a therapist would knowingly and willingly do something like this that is such a major ethical violation. Not only are they losing their license to practice by doing this, they are going to face criminal charges and jail time. If their clinical judgment is that the other parent is a danger to the child, they don't have to resort to illegal means to try to prove this. If you have concrete proof that this has happened then there is a process in which you can file a report against the therapist with their licensure board. Every therapist is licensed in their state. There are different types of licensures so you would need to know this therapist's licensure.Most accusations from the other parent are expected in a custody situation because people do tend to get quite ugly. Don't accuse the therapist or the parent of anything just to try to make yourself look better and them look bad. Have evidence of wrongdoing before accusing them of this. If this has really happened then of course it needs to be reported, but don't try to ruin someone's career unless you are sure this occurred.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?
My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Answer:
Sometimes we have difficulty keeping the past in the past. The best way to build a great relationship and have a great future, believe it or not, is to be firmly placed in the present. That means that when we stay in the moment with our partner and can notice what we are experiencing in the here and now we reap the best benefits of that relationship. We notice the good things that are happening in the moment. We are reacting to what we are experiencing in the moment, not reacting to a worry about the past. We notice, especially, who the person is right now and not who they were in the past.  We can connect with the things we love about them, too.I think it is great that you want to help him and the choice to stay in the present and move forward in the relationship will mostly be up to him. We cannot change another person. It sounds like couples counseling might be a great step for you because you can both learn the skills you need to stay in the present and also learn some helpful "active listening" skills so that you can really listen to one another and understand each other. Communication skills can really be helpful. You can both have the opportunity to hear each other and support each other. We cannot change the past, but we can create the future we want.Best of luck to you both!
Topic: depression

Question: Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom?
I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?

Answer:
Being a parent can be all-consuming.  And there are more societal pressures on mothers to be everything to their children and families.  In that effort to be everything (cook, housekeeper, planner, social organizer, teacher, etc) it can be easy to forget about being you.  We can certainly acknowledge that becoming a mother likely means giving up or sacrificing parts of yourself for motherhood.  There are parts of becoming a mother that can be wonderful and magical, and parts of it that can be just flat out hard.  I think it is very important however, for all parents to ask for what they need and to carve out the time to nurture their individuality.  This may not only be supportive to you, but it sets a great example for your kids about how to advocate for their needs, and teach them about the depth and interests of their mother.
Topic: parenting

Question: My fiancé's ex-husband shows up unannounced
he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fiancé tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this?

Answer:
Do you know the reason your fiancé puts up with the ex's behavior?If not, then ask her.The answer could be anything, from some agreement the two of them made either formally or informally before you came into her life, to residual sense of obligation she feels toward him as a parent, or that she genuinely does fear his physical or verbal anger if she disagrees with what he wants.Facts are the best starting point to know how to handle a situation.There is no blanket rule and certainly no law which prohibits what he's doing.   The situation is entirely in the hands of the people involved.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
Finding the right therapist for you may take time - or you may find one the first try. Two important things to think about when first finding a therapist are “do I feel safe?” and “do I feel heard?” The first time seeing a therapist can be anxiety provoking. It may be uncomfortable. Unless there are giant red flags about a therapist (things beyond meeting someone for the first time and answering uncomfortable but important questions), I always suggest seeing a therapist 3-4 times before making a decision to try another. It may end up that you feel like your therapist isn’t the best fit for you, but again, I encourage you to give them a couple times before moving on. When you get past the initial sessions of paperwork and gathering information, you can gauge the client - therapist relationship better, and when you find the right person to work with, you will know it.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How can I make the dreams and voices go away?
For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about.

Answer:
Voices and dreams could be suppressed feelings or thoughts that result from negative experiences.  Many times when people go to trough traumatic incidents or changes in their lives without being equipped to manage them and as a result they start having similar symptoms. It is helpful to find a therapist to talk to about those dreams and voices, once you get them out, you could analyze the concerns and fears that they reflect and normalize them, which will also be a good time to discuss their source, if any traumatic event has occurred in your life.  Also, I recommend to journal your dreams, especially if they keep you awake at night, and meditate after, so you could go back to sleep.   ¿Cómo puedo hacer que los sueños y las voces desaparezcan?Durante las últimas cuatro semanas he estado teniendo pesadillas y escuchando voces que me dicen cosas horribles.  No son voces que hablan al azar, pero voces de las personas que me importan.Las voces y los sueños pueden ser sentimientos supresos o pensamientos que resultan de experiencias negativas.  Muchas veces estos síntomas surgen cuando las personas pasan por situaciones traumáticas o cambios que no estaban preparados para enfrentar.  Es útil encontrar a un terapeuta con quien puedas hablar de esos sueños y voces, y aprender a normalizar el contenido de los mismos.  También sería un buen momento para discutir cualquier situación traumática que te haya ocurrido. Además te sugiero que escribas tus sueños, especialmente si te mantienen despierto  en la noche, y que medites luego de escribirlos para que puedas volver a dormir.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: What can I do when I feel like I'm not using my potential?
I am in my mid 30s. I feel I have used only 5% of my potential. I am in film making, but everything is stuck. I've never had a serious relationship. I had worthless jobs. I do a lot of meditation to try to fix it.

Answer:
Being stuck in life is difficult, especially when you are feeling it in many different areas of your life. So you if you are ready for a change... time to make one! Make a list of the resources in your area--community colleges, friends, free classes, volunteer opportunities etc. Make a list of your passions and absolute "no way" things in life. Make a 5 year plan... where do you want to be in 5 years... then start breaking it down ... what do I need to do this year to make it to next year. Break that down into months... check in with friends/families/co workers etc to see what they see in you both good and bad. Take a deep breath and choose 1 thing to work on to get better in life according to them. Seek out any free training/counseling on career changes and life changes. You already began this by asking this forum for help Awesome! Use the peace and calm you find in meditation to spring board you to make some changes in your behavior--try new things, change poor choices etc. Use the meditation to give you peace while you make the changes. Good Luck!
Topic: human-sexuality

Question: How can I control my sexual urges?

Answer:
Anything can become an addiction.  Eating, gambling, shopping, sex, even exercising.  It sounds like this has become a behavioral addiction for you.  A therapist can help you identify the underlying reasons and help you learn to control the urges and develop healthier coping skills. People turn to an activity that makes them feel better when something is bothering them emotionally or mentally.  Anything can become a problem if you overuse it.  This is why it is important to have a healthy balance of activities in your life; more than one thing that you can turn to in order to help you cope.  Addictions are formed when we turn to the same thing over and over again.  Sex is a very powerful addiction for some people.  It makes us feel good.  We get pleasure from it. I had a client that turned to eating as her “addiction.”  The advice I gave her applies to your situation as well.  Eating is something that we have to do and that an addict cannot “cold turkey” and walk away from.  My client could not tell when she felt the urge to eat if it was because she was hungry or because she was upset about something and was subconsciously turning to food to make her feel better.  Her body was telling her brain that she needed to eat.  I asked her to first STOP and THINK when she felt the urge to eat.  Look at the clock and mark the time.  Tell herself that in one hour if she was still hungry then she could eat, but that she needed to find something else to occupy her mind and her time until the hour had passed.  She tried this for a week.She said it worked.  She would get busy reading a book, watching TV, or would go for a walk around her neighborhood for exercise and these activities would take her mind off things and the hour would pass and she wouldn’t even notice the time.  What this did for her was stop an unhealthy behavior and replace it with some healthier activities.  She had to learn to first recognize when she was feeling the urge, and then to come up with other activities to do instead. You can do this with your urges.  Having sexual gratification as your one “go to” method to cope is causing you distress.  Make a list of other activities that you like and that you can engage in, and when you feel the sexual urge, make yourself do another activity for an hour to get your mind off of it.  It may take a few tries to find an activity that will hold your attention.  A habit that has developed over time is not going to be so easy to break.Please go to a medical doctor and get evaluated as well.  They can do lab work and check your hormone levels.  If needed, medication can help.  After being cleared medically, counseling can help you.  You stated that you have a disability that makes it impossible.  A therapist can help you explore the feelings that you are experiencing due to the inability to have sex.  This is a grief/loss issue in the same way that someone who had lost the ability to walk might be grieving over his mobility.  Something that you used to be able to do, now you cannot.  It is expected that you might have some feelings of anger or sadness about this.
Topic: depression

Question: My family says I have depression
I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.    Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
   Are they right, am I depressed?

Answer:
If we were in my office together, I would offer that most likely you are feeling somewhat depressed. It's most important for me to impress that you "don't have to live like this..."  Other helpful information: Have you experienced similar symptoms before?  Anyone in  your family been depressed before?  Based on other physiological signs, like quality of sleep, appetite, energy/motivation, I would present you with some treatment options, one of which would be to consult with a medication management provider to assess your symptoms and provide additional information for you to consider.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My husband said he loves me but is not in love with me
My husband and I are in our 40s. We’ve been married 17 years. Three weeks ago, he said he loves me but is not in love with me. He was going to leave me, but he said he thought about it and decided to stay. I don't know how to feel any more. How should I take what he said and not feel so hurt? He has been very blunt, and hurtful words just come out of his mouth. He makes me feel like I'm nothing, but I so dearly love him with everything in me. He said it wasn’t a mid-life crisis.

Answer:
I get it. Your husband tells you that he's not in love with you, but oops, he's changed his mind and will tolerate you for a while longer? Excuse me? My Dear, it's okay if you expect more than that from a marriage. Maybe the question has shifted from whether he is happy in the marriage to whether you are happy in the marriage. You say you love this man,  who makes you "feel like nothing". I say it might be time to sit down with an individual therapist and look objectively at your marriage and whether it's working for you.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to cry during therapy?
I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Answer:
It is is absolutely normal to cry in therapy. I can understand wanting to keep everything together and put your best foot forward with everyone you come into contact with, but it can be such a powerful experience to cry with somebody that can hear you and accept you. It's so brave of you to go and share yourself with your counselor! I hope you will keep being brave as you begin healing.
Topic: parenting

Question: My son plays alone at recess
Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?

Answer:
The answer depends on how the other areas of your son's life are doing.Is he happy or does he seem happy, playing alone during recess?Does he have friends in other social circles besides the students whom he's with at recess?How is his academic progress?How is his social integration among his classmates?Are there any special or unusual circumstances in the home and family environment?Go through this list to form a fuller idea of whether your son simply likes alone time and takes this option during recess, or if any if the above areas show stress or difficulty for him and which need to be further understood and handled.
Topic: parenting

Question: My daughter won't stop stealing and lying
Her father and I have been dealing with this problem for quite some time now. She is an adolescent, and the problem is mostly food. She is now overweight, and we just don't know what to do anymore. She can be disrespectful and doesn't listen to or respect what we say.

Answer:
I would be curious about there potentially being some emotional or physical trauma in your daughter's history that she is struggling with. Physical trauma is usually easier to identify, but emotional trauma can be feeling a lack of emotional connection in her important relationships, having experienced bullying, or some other emotional injury. The fact that there are some defiance symptoms going on suggests that she might be in need of a safe place to process what she's going through, and the potential issue with control or meeting emotional needs with food is also concerning. I would recommend looking for a therapist/counselor who works with children/adolescents in the area of addressing trauma for an assessment. They may be able to ask the right questions to see whether trauma is truly the issue.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: Why can't my mom ever be proud of me?
She constantly tells me what I am doing wrong. For once, I want her to be proud of me. It’s like no matter what I do, she does not have one nice word to say to me. She is always hateful towards me and always has been.

Answer:
I'm sad and heartbroken on your behalf.I'm very sorry your mom has such negative views on you.Please know that there must be some reason in her personal history or relationship life which drives her to criticize you so strongly.The natural dynamic is for a mother to love and nurture her child.Unless at some earlier point in your relationship with her, you caused some massive harm to her which would justify her indirect dislike for you, then the best way for you is to find supportive and loving other people who will to some degree make up for the harshness you hear from her.Also, read online about others who have similar situations because there may be good guidance on keeping yourself emotionally safe from how she treats you.
Topic: trauma

Question: How can I cope with the loss of someone I love?
My good childhood friend died suddenly as a teenager. I haven't seen him in four years and haven't talked to him in months yet somehow this hurts me more than I could ever imagine. It's been about three months since his passing, and I'm still not sure how to cope with this.

Answer:
Death of someone with whom we had fond involvement, is sad.   Accepting that a person is permanently gone from this earth, is unsettling and can feel painful.That you had no current contact with this person doesn't exclude the meaning or feelings from within your relationship with this person.     Relationships don't require a time measurement in order to affect us.   Your question acknowledges the process of adjusting to life without the chance to see or hear from this person again.It is normal to grieve so be gentle and not critical of yourself when you feel yourself missing this person.
Topic: relationships

Question: Is it possible to get my ex-boyfriend help, forcibly?
My ex-boyfriend, will not stop harassing and stalking me. We work together. I honestly think he needs help to move on. His accusations are angry lies. But I think he may believe them to be true.

Answer:
The specific laws about this will vary from state to state.  Generally, the only way to "force" someone to get mental health care is if they pose an imminent theft of harm to themself or someone else, or if they are unable to care for themself.  More importantly, is dealing with your safety.  Most states have laws that make stalking a crime. You might want to think about filing a police report and obtaining a restraining order against him.  You could also think about contacting a local counselor. While you can't force him to get help with moving on from the relationship, counseling could help you to deal with what is going on.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I deal with a man who only contributes financially?
My boyfriend of eight years and father of our two children is a truck driver. He is never home and only contributes to our family financially. There is no other support given. He comes home when able, sleeps, gives money, and leaves again. I can't get him to do anything with me or the kids. He just sleeps and works.

Answer:
After eight years and two children’s, people change.  I suggest to talk to him about how you feel, let him know that although he is gone for a long time, his presence as a husband and father are required and important.  Ask him if he will be willing to engage again and how he would like to do so.  Many times when the dads are away, moms design a perfect routine and they feel like they will disturb it.  Make alone time and family time for him, so you can reconnect as a couple and then as a family.¿Cómo trabajo con un esposo que solo contribuye económicamente?Mi novio de ocho amos y padre de mis dos hijos es camionero. El nunca está en casa y solo contribuye financieramente. No provee apoyo en ninguna otra forma. El viene a casa cuando puede, duerme, provee dinero y se va otra vez. No puedo lograr que haga nada conmigo y los niños. Solo duerme y trabaja.Después de ocho años y dos hijos las  personas cambian.  Te sugiero que hables con tu pareja sobre cómo te dientes, déjale saber que aunque el esta fuera la mayoría del tiempo, su presencia como pareja y padre es requerida e importante. Pregúntale si el está dispuesto a comprometerse  ser parte activa de la familia y como lo haría.  Muchas veces cuando los papás están afuera las mamás desarrollan rutinas que luego ellos no quieren interrumpir.  Crea tiempo a solas para dedicarle a el para que puedan reconectar como pareja y luego como familia.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: What's going on with these mood swings?
I'm a teenager and I get these really intense mood swings.    My mood will be really high and I'll think of something that I want to do. When I start to make it happen I get irritated by other people if they intervene. Then if the thing I wanted to do doesn't work out, I have these tendencies to blame other people for it not working out.    Can you explain what's going on?

Answer:
Why do you blame other people who had nothing to do with your actions?If it is because after the fact you wish you had accepted their help, then the person who is responsible for this is you!Since you are aware of your tendencies and how the interfere with your life, try to become aware of when you do these habits.This way you can interrupt your own patterns a little bit at a time.