thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: eating-disorders

Question: How do I handle my binge eating?
I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms I can use to break this cycle?

Answer:
The fact that you are aware of the issue and what causes it is a step in the right direction.  You can absolutely break the cycle but it takes a lot of effort.  Much like growing a physical muscle, developing coping mechanisms must be practiced (exercised) in order to gain strength.  Find healthy activities that you like to do that can help you deal with stress.  It appears that you are already going to the gym which is awesome; you want this to be a healthy experience not one done out of guilt.  Is it possible for you to incorporate food items that are healthy for you? Remember any changes you make must be practiced and developed over time.  You should seek professional help to assist you with getting to the root cause of your emotional connection to food. Normally these issues date back to childhood experiences however this is a generalization and I have little information to go on.  Above all else BE KIND TO YOURSELF! Shame is counterproductive. If you want something to grow you give it love and attention. Well wishes!!!!!!
Topic: anxiety

Question: I am paranoid that my boyfriend hiding something from me
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me.

Answer:
Have you spoken to him about your fears? Perhaps you can explain this feeling to him and let him know what might lead to feeling more secure.  Also, it is important to trust your intuition!  Perhaps there are good reasons to feel concerned. It may not be paranoia - it may be based in reality!
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself
I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident?

Answer:
Sending you positive vibes ✨ Self Esteem is your new goal. I have a program that is amazing tool to start. And with talk therapy you could move forward to get to the "Claim It" moment also.  Getting to know You! Til then.  Here is a tip.  Coloring.  Adult coloring books.  I have a popular one if you are an upcoming Goddess. Or any outlet like a Gratitude Journal.  If you are interested in some worksheets to get you started contact me. And if you want more self help for Self Esteem please check out this BOOK
Topic: legal-regulatory

Question: In the state of New York, is it legal for someone to record a counseling session without telling the counselor or the other person in the session?

Answer:
In New York (like most states), the law generally is what's called a "one-party consent" rule. This means that in most cases it is legal to record a conversation as long as consent has been granted by at least one person involved in the conversation.It probably would not be illegal for a client to secretly record a counseling session without the consent of the counselor. Since only one person's consent is required, it would be sufficient that the client consented.On the other hand, it would probably be illegal for a third party to record a counseling session without the consent of the counselor or the client.Similarly, it would be a violation of ethical standards (and maybe a violation of law) for a counselor to secretly record a session without the client's consent.
Topic: depression

Question: I feel really down all the time
I always feel like I'm not good enough and it literally is so hard living. I don't know how to talk to my parents about it.

Answer:
Are you a teen?  This is a really hard problem for more teens (and adults) than let on.  When I was about 15, I remember asking my parent's friend, Herman, whether life gets any easier when you get older.  He said the problems are actually harder, but you gain the ability to deal with them better.  I've been an adult a long time now, and that is so true. If you need someone to talk to, consider a teacher or a school guidance counselor or someone you respect, maybe in church.  If they're good and they don't know how to help you, they may know how to get you to someone who can.  Also, the idea of not being "good enough" is a common psychological event.  In CBT it's called a "core belief," but I call it a "core lie" in my book, Living Yes, a Handbook for Being Human.  If you are serious about changing yourself, read about it  at www.LivingYes.org and pick up a copy there or on Amazon.  I hope this was helpful.  The future is filled with possibility if we don't prejudge it!  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Are some clients more difficult than others?
What are some difficulties that a counselor can encounter when dealing with a client?

Answer:
Although many clients have the capacity to be engaged in the therapeutic process and express their thoughts and feelings in an articulate way, others may demonstrate resistance to treatment which can manifest in ways such as reflecting the desire to end therapy prematurely, cancelling appointments, or arriving late. A resistant client can also make the process of the therapist engaging the client, challenging.Once the therapist identifies the resistance, it is essential for the  therapist to address it with the the client and encourage the client to focus on the therapeutic goals.In my experience, I have observed that people have many reasons why they begin to show resistance. Some may believe the therapist is judgmental and they may not for one reason or another, feel  emotionally safe with the therapist. Others may not feel comfortable talking about their feelings, and it may appear that they never developed a rapport with the therapist.Sometimes a person may harbor feelings of distrust, or dislike for the therapist which eventually creates barriers to good treatment outcomes.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How can I create a better relationship with my adoptive mother?
We just cannot seem to get along. I cannot have a conversation with her without it turning into World War 3. She treats me like I have no right to an opinion and never really lets me speak. My real mother cares and tries to help me, but she can't do much, because my adoptive mother won't listen to her either.

Answer:
Going to see a experience counselor would be my advice.  You will have a neutral person that can listen to both sides and help you all find a common ground of understanding.  If she doesn't agree to counseling, really the only person you can change is you.  I would suggest that you approach her with love and let her know what you appreciate about her, let her know the great things she have done that could not be replaced or forgotten however you want your relationship to get better than it has been lately.  Hopefully this will open the door of communication where you can explain your thoughts and feeling but in a loving way.
Topic: depression

Question: Why do I crave depression?
It's not entirely true to say I enjoy being sad, but I always find a way to feel that way. I listen to sad music, read tragic stories, and, in a twisted way, like how bad it makes me feel. I focus on negative aspects of my life even if they aren't legitimate or I just make it seem negative.

Answer:
It sounds like you are noticing that you are drawn towards sad and negative content and it's hard to understand why. This may sound counter-intuitive, but sometimes we do things that on the surface may look problematic (or even cause us some real problems) because it serves us in some unseen way. A simple example would be somebody who is addicted to a substance; their addiction may be causing serious problems in their life, and they may even know it, but the addiction serves them by helping them to avoid painful feelings that they anticipate having if they quit using. Now I am not saying that what you describe is an addiction, it is just a really illustrative example of the unseen benefit.One thing I would be wondering about is what is the unseen benefit of seeking out sad and negative content? I'd also be wondering what your relationship is to other feelings. These are things you may benefit from exploring with a competent therapist.
Topic: depression

Question: My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression
He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out.

Answer:
If your husband is changing his mind about whether or not he wants to stay in the relationship, I wonder if you both might benefit from seeing a therapist who specializes in couples. In my training working with couples, partners come into counseling with one of three goals in mind: strengthening the relationship, getting a divorce, or making a decision. The decision could be whether or not stay together or it could be any number of other things, such as what state to live in.When you ask whether you have to respect whatever decision he makes, respecting his decision does not mean that you have to agree with what he decides. While you do not have the power to change his decision, he also does not have the power to change yours or how you feel about it. Having said that, if he is changing his mind a lot, chances are that the only decision he has made is that he needs to make a decision. Weighing the options of an important decision (any type of important decision) can be anxiety-producing its own right.The fact that you said you were diagnosed with severe depression leads me to believe that you are already seeing a therapist. Perhaps he or she can assist you in navigating through this. I'm wondering how you feel when you are around your husband. I'm not sure whether you are saying that having him there is a source of comfort for you or that it leads you to feel more sad. Maybe it is a little bit of both.
Topic: parenting

Question: How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?
My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?

Answer:
You can "move on and not live in the past" in the context of your ex-relationship, but that does not mean moving on from your child. "Moving on" then would involve accepting the end of the relationship and developing a civil relationship with your ex-partner as far as is possible for the sake of your child's development.Generally, it's good for a functional (non-abusive) parent to spend time with his/her child, but only insofar as that doesn't cause your child unnecessary stress. That requires the two adults to act like adults with each other for the sake of their child.What's confusing for children is seeing their parents act uncivilly or manipulatively. Children also do well with routines so regular dependable visitation is preferable to random visitation or, worse, not following through on commitments.But if one person is exploiting their child to harm their ex-partner, then visiting your child in that context may be stressful to him/her (depending on what you mean by using your child as a pawn). When dealing with a hostile ex-partner, your first challenge is to negotiate rules and boundaries with your ex-partner about appropriate behavior for the good of your child. If you cannot come to an agreement, a counselor can help mediate a conversation. If that's not an option, then it may be possible to turn to family court to stipulate visitation rules (for which you'd have to consult with an attorney).
Topic: children-adolescents

Question: The child I nanny hates me!
I nanny a three year old. When he wakes up in the morning he calls out for someone to come get him. If I am the one to go get him out of bed he gets really upset and refuses to let me near him. He screams that he wants his mom or dad (they work from home).    The rest of the day he loves me. But not in the mornings.
   What can I do?

Answer:
It doesn't sound like he hates you, just misses mom and dad in the mornings. You could validate his feelings by saying something like "I know you want to see mom and dad right now, but they are working" and then give him a couple options of things that may take his mind off of it. This could be choosing what he has for breakfast or playing a game of his choice. If possible, it may also be helpful if you could create a routine in which he stops by mom and dad to say good morning. If this is routine, he will come to understand that he will be able to see mom and dad for a minute and not become anxious about seeing them.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to cry during therapy?
I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Answer:
Yes, if crying is how you are expressing an emotion, then not only would it be normal, but hopefully encouraged, because it's an important part of therapy to have a safe space to express your emotions. We might encourage you to put words to the tears as well, to help you expand on your experience and begin to make more sense of it.As a therapist, our job is help you open up and feel comfortable enough doing so. I sincerely hope no therapist would ever shame you for whatever experience you are having in the room.
Topic: parenting

Question: I want help with how to deal with my abused daughter
She refuses to talk to me and told my mom (her grand mother) that she is remembering things from the past. I don't know what to do. My daughter blames me and swears she hates me.
   My parents say I should just let my daughter live with her dad, but I don't see how I could fix things if I only see her every other weekend. What should I do?

Answer:
Sorry to hear about your high degree of stress.How old is your daughter?Who abused yours daughter?The answers make a difference to your decision.Obviously if the father was the abuser, then unless your ex demonstrates to you and you believe, he will not abuse her, your daughter should stay with you.If someone other than the father was the abuser and the father has a good relationship with your daughter, then it is possible that the time away from your household will give each of you time away from arguing with one another.What does your daughter tell you she wants?Her wishes must be considered too.Relationships can be fixed.   Sometimes being apart helps this process because the two people each have time to reflect more deeply on what they value about the other.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: What happens in a counseling session?
After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?

Answer:
Counselor tries to build rapport and gets the client talking. When the client talks, shares whatever they feel, counselor merely listens. A counselor's job is to bring out coping mechanism from the clients only and emphasise on the coping mechanisms,
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
This is a great question! I personally don't believe that any client could ever have too many issues for counseling. In fact, that type of thinking may be stopping you from seeking counseling, so it may be hindering you from getting the help you need. In fact, all of what you described points to the importance of you seeking help in order to cope with the many challenges in your life. If you seek counseling, it will be important for you to understand that you may need to remain in counseling for a sustained period of time in order to work through each of these issues. All of these issues won't be able to be solved right away or in a brief period of time. Counseling will take commitment and hard work, but it is possible for you to recover and heal from all of the issues you described.Many clients come into counseling with numerous issues rather than just one particular thing. Most of the time, the issues relate to and exacerbate each other. We call these "comorbid" conditions, which means that two or more mental health problems exist at one time. A lot of the times, when you start to work on one issue, the other issues get better as a result.I encourage you to find a professional therapist that can help you learn how to cope with all of the mental health difficulties that you described. You deserve the help just as much as anyone else.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: My brother never hangs out with me anymore
I am a teenager, and my brother is a few years older. He has a girlfriend who is always with him. He never hangs out with me anymore. We were really close, and it is making me really sad.

Answer:
Hi Zionsville. It's so sweet that you have a special relationship with your brother. You will ALWAYS have that, you know? He's doing what's natural at his age...spreading his wings and looking for love. You may be heading into that zone soon too, but I get that it's weird that he's there before you, and you miss him.Try to respect your brother's autonomy, wish him well, be friendly with his girlfriend, and it's also okay to say "Hey, bro, I'm still here. When can we hang out!?"
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How do I get my dad to understand that I don't want him to date or marry my best friend?
I have known her for years. She was dating my brother-in-law when we met. My kids think of her as their aunt. On Halloween 2014, I lost my mom to cancer. My mom and dad were still married when she passed away. My friend was there for me through that and my own cancer diagnosis. She has been a very big part of both me and my kids’ life, but now last month, my dad told me that he really likes my friend and wants to marry her. She’s like a sister to me. My kids hate the idea.

Answer:
That's intense. This person moving from a friend of yours to both a friend of yours and, in  a sense, your step mom is a lot. I wonder if you have let your dad know what's going through your mind with this and how it is affecting you. I can imagine that could feel awkward and emotional. Still, getting him to understand might be as simple as letting him know, in your words, how this feels from your view as well as what you wish. It may not change the outcome (he may still marry her), but your thoughts will not go unsaid and opens it up for conversation. Best luck!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Emotion is the most "normal" and human activity that any person has the freedom to exercise.  Therapy is a place to explore freely, the deepest most ignored, and often denied concerns. Often time this process will evoke responses that were unexpected, but perhaps needed. What better place to begin exploring this than with a trained, unbiased person? Crying speaks to the development of connection and is symbolic of acceptance, and freedom of what was being held on to, which may not have been beneficial.
Topic: depression

Question: I'm very depressed?
I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?

Answer:
It is to your credit that you reached out for help on this platform. How to find someone to talk to would depend upon your lifestyle and worldview. Many people reach out to their faith community and others to friends, family, or seek help from a psychotherapist. If you live in a large, metropolitan area you will have an abundance of options. However, if you live in a more rural area, options might be limited. Broadly speaking, if you have health insurance, you can make an inquiry about providers who deliver psychotherapy in your local area. You might also try exploring profiles  on Psychology Today to get a sense of therapists in your area available for a phone consultation. I wish you all the best in your search.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I get my husband back?
My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me.    He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Answer:
I would focus on YOU right now. We cannot control him, his actions, his love, or his decisions. But we can work on you. Think about a few things: What do you want? What do you love about him? What made you two separate? What do you think about being in a relationship where your partner does not love you? Does that seem fair? He may want to work things out or he may be done. He may be done for a short period of time or be done forever. No one can answer that which is why I think you should change the focus. If you do get back together, will you still trust him to not leave you? What if he does not love you? If you never get back together, can you still have a healthy, happy life? Can you mourn that relationship but also learn from it?I want you to be strong, happy, and healthy with or without him. So yes, there is hope for you - with or without him.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How do I get over "imposter syndrome"?
I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.    How can I get over this feeling?

Answer:
Much of feeling like an imposter is about our comparing ourselves to others and carrying what others think.   Make a note of what all leads you to feel as if you are an imposter and then as with a science experiment write down all the ways that hypothesis is incorrect, write down all the ways you are not a fraud.  You are valid.  View this video at your leisure. Negotiating With Inner Critic
Topic: depression

Question: Why do I feel like I will never have a good career/amount to anything financially?
I'm in my early 20s. I've worked since two months after I turned 18. I have “plans.” I could become an electrician, or I could operate heavy machinery. I have goals, but I do nothing to try to meet them because I don't feel I can. I just want a better life for my fiancée and the kids than I did.

Answer:
For starters, commend yourself for being committed to working. You have no idea what is going to happen in the next second, so focusing on thinking you will never have a good career or amount to anything financially is creating a fictitious story.  Remind yourself of that every time the thought pops up.  The false belief that nothing good will happen is sucking out energy you can use on pursuing your career dreams. Next, do you know what you need to do to become an electrician or heavy machinery operator? If not, find out. Then, set up a realistic schedule for yourself to accomplish the steps. As you accomplish each step, see your progress.  Notice that you are moving closer to your goal.  Every day remind yourself why you are pursuing this career.  In fact, write it down and tape it on your bathroom mirror.  When you start to feel discouraged, remember your goal and remind yourself that you have no idea if you'll make it or not but you are going to give it everything you have to find out. Anything worth pursuing is going to take a lot of persistence and hard work. Stay with it! You and your family are worth it!