thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: I get so angry that I want to explode
I've got so much anger. I don't know how to control myself. My girlfriend screams at me all the time, and sometime I don't know how to deal with life. I'm very depressed and angry. I feel lost.

Answer:
Hi Campbell River, You say you have anger but you don't mention how it shows. Or maybe it doesn't. Are you aggressive with your girlfriend? Since you mention depression, I wonder if you're bottling it all up somewhere instead of letting it show at all. If this is the case, I admire your ability to not lash out at someone who's hurting you. However, if they are totally  unexpressed, anger turn inward and shift into depression. When she yells at you, what do you do? Is this the moment that you feel the most angry? I wouldn't be surprised; anger is a normal response to someone yelling at you. Something about anger...it's often there to cover up our more vulnerable emotions. Under the anger I wonder if you feel worthless, powerless, scared, unloved. Part of the trick to reducing anger is identifying those other emotions and expressing them. You say you don't know how to deal with life, and I think maybe you mean you don't know how to deal with emotions. Lots of people don't! This is confusing for most of us. What am I feeling? Why is it so strong? I'm afraid to express it for fear of hurting someone (or falling apart, or feeling alone...). How do I know what to express and what to be quiet about? These are all great questions to ask yourself, and a qualified therapist can help you sort it all out and support you in your growth. I wish you well!
Topic: relationships

Question: My girlfriend is always accusing me of cheating on her when I haven't
Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?

Answer:
Open and honest communication can go a long way in situations like yours. Your girlfriend may be suspicious if you don't give her enough information. Answer her questions fully. Ask for her suggestions as to how to handle this female friend. Ask for your girlfriend for help in getting the female friend to understand that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. If you are honest with your friend, your girlfriend will probably feel like you are being honest with her.
Topic: parenting

Question: Is it ok ayto talk with my grown children about spending time with their children?
I was a single mom most of their growing up life and have guilt about trying to work three jobs and being gone a lot. My children are successful with their own business's, have lots of nanny and cleaning help, but I just feel they have such a great opportunity to spend it with their kids.

Answer:
You seem to have been a very positive influence in your kids' lives.They may have worked so hard because they understood how difficult and tiring your life was as a single mom.I feel you are seeing your kids' lives through the measurement of how much toil was in your life as a single mom.In other words, what you see your kids overlooking or not appreciating, may remind you of your wishes during the many years you raised your kids.If it helps you and is possible, then maybe you could spend more of your own time tougher with your grandkids.  This may give some reward for the many years you spent working to support your kids and had no choice in the amount of time you had with your kids.As far as your kids relationship to their kids, it is now their turn to raise them as they wish, within ethical boundaries of course.Depending on the topics you and your kids talk about, consider to bring up your concern as to whether they feel their kids, your grandkids, are missing anything due to the limited time they have with the parents.
Topic: parenting

Question: I don't know how to communicate with my adult daughter
There is just no communication at all between us. She sleeps constantly all day (not at night). She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat.    She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.
   I don't know how to communicate with her. She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her?

Answer:
Hello, I know that your situation is frustrating and debilitating.  It sounds like she either has a medical or mental condition.  She needs help, and for the sounds of it, you want to help her.  I suggest that you take the time to contemplate the best way and time to approach her.  Rehearse ahead of time what you want her to hear and what the end goal is.  I know it might seem like a lot of work for you to do and perhaps you even feel frustrated about that, but the only way you will reach her is if you approach it in a way she hears your concern and desire to help her.  Be prepared with facts and places to go for help.  The better prepared you are, the better the chances of her to act on it.  Remind her how much you love her and how it is not healthy for her or for the relationship for this to continue.  With lots of love and patience, you can make a difference.  Stay Strong!Best of luck to you and your daughter, Mirella~
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: How can I cope with work related stress better?
I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
   What can I do to manage my stress?

Answer:
Ugh!  We spend so many hours at work, so if it's a tough environment it can really drag you down.  Is this your "dream job" gone sour or a "just pay the bills" deal that has gotten stale?  It makes a big difference in terms of next steps.For example, if this job is a step on the way to a bigger goal, it might be time to assess whether you need to be moving along to then next phase.  Have you learned what you needed to learn to make this a helpful experience?  Or do you sense there is more to learn, but you feel stuck in some way? If this current job is part of a bigger plan, then you need to practice some good self care, set up ways to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing, and make sure you are including some "carrots" along the way.  That might mean spending some time each week networking (preferably live but online works well too) with peers in similar situations (entrepreneur groups, skill building trainings, etc).  Big dreams require small steps, but we all need support along the way.If , however, this is "just a job", then you really have to reassess your situation.  If you are burned out and not getting paid your worth then  look around for other opportunities.  You are employed, not owned.  You mentioned anxiety, and while I don't want to minimize the very real issues anxiety presents, is it possible that some of your anxiety can be seen as "revving your engine"  and readying you to move on?  Or is it that pervasive feeling  of never being able to finish your work, feeling like you will be "in trouble", or dreading every single moment of your workday?  The first is a potentially positive motivator, the second is just bad for you.   See the difference?In order to feel any satisfaction with your job, it needs to be financially rewarding (to a level that makes sense), be a good atmosphere to learn, be supportive and/or be a step on the way to a bigger plan you have.  If your job isn't fulfilling any of those criteria, you need to move on.  And finally, if the only reason you have this job is to pay the bills, and you truly see no way around keeping your current position for now, remember why you are there - this is a job, not a family.  You rent your brain and body to your employer, not your heart and soul.  Those belong to you and you are responsible for feeding them.  That means good self-care, making sure you have social engagement (face-to-face, not just online), move your body, feel the sun on your face daily, creating ways to refresh your body and mind and generally taking care of your whole being.Discomfort exists for a reason - it primes us for change, gives us the necessary motivation to take reasonable risks, and pesters us until we do so.  The first step is to figure out what change is realistic, and take action.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
I think this is a very common question that people who have never been to counseling before have.  There is a lot of anxiety in going to counseling for the first time.  This is normal.  In answer to your  question, the answer is an absolute NO!  An important thing to remember about getting counseling is that it is a courageous first step towards hope and healing.  Getting help is like training to run a marathon, it is not a sprint.  You have shared a lot of issues that you are dealing with from your past, that are now negatively impacting your present, but I believe that in getting the right kind of help and support, none of them are impossible to overcome.  Part of the therapeutic process is defining and prioritizing therapy goals.  In collaboration with you, as a client, a therapist is there to help you with this process in determining what you would like to work on first.  Not getting counseling, based on the history you have shared, has the potential to put you more at risk for mental and physical health issues.  You are already seeing this happen as you begin to experience new symptoms, namely your anxiety.  In therapy, you will gain understanding and insight, as well as learn skills and strategies to manage the symptoms you are experiencing.In conclusion, I would encourage you to reach out to a licensed counselor who has experience in treating trauma, grief/loss and will address shame.  These are three areas that I have found that gets to  the core issues that are contributing to your depression and anxiety.   I believe you can get the help you need to find hope and healing.  Best of luck to you!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
Quick Way to Assess a
Great Therapist A colleague and I were discussing the characteristics of
successful therapists. I gave him some traits, some of which were listed by
Robinson (2012). The therapist should be able to listen to your story, build
rapport, establish a relationship, demonstrate empathy, adapt treatments to the
client/situation, use effective communication skills, exhibit confidence in use
of therapeutic techniques, and repeatedly update skills with ongoing education
and research.  You should talk with the therapist. In addition to asking
the therapist about his/her experiences and specialty in treating the issue you
want to address; you will gain a sense of the therapist’s ability to connect
with you in your first phone call or meeting with him/her. This is why I offer
a free 15-minute phone consultation. You can use the above criteria to gauge
the therapist’s ability to do the following: Hear you, join with you in
understanding the issue, and indicate some ways in which the issue may be
treated.Regarding training a therapist, just ask the therapist if he or she can comply with what you are looking for, or what has worked with you before if you have had prior counseling. If you just like a therapist to listen, you are looking for a non-directive therapist. If you want one to be more active in guiding you, choose a directive therapist. You can also ask them with which type of client/issue they work best. I specialize treating anxiety and relationships and would
like to talk with you if you have questions about how I may be able to help
you.  Jim Ciraky PhDLicensed Professional Counselor GA, USAAdventHelp.com404.293.5654
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: What are the skills needed by a counselor?
What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have?

Answer:
Many skills and education and years of it plus experience.  And many have done or went through their own and can relate.  A lot of times many are just not happy with counselors with just the traditional type of education and want someone who can relate or even inspire to self grow.    They need to be creative and very authentic.  TO understand that it is not about the client thinking the counselor is going to solve their problems it is about separating and helping guide them to their goals as a result in what makes them a full filled individual.  Plus as a counselor we continue to expand our skills and we also have our own masters so that we can be better for our practice.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax?
I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else.

Answer:
Hello, and thank you for your question. While counselors work closely with medical providers, and sometimes have discussions about medications with people, we rarely make recommendations about how much or what type of medication a person should be taking. This is because prescribing and advising on medication is out of our scope of practice. The only exception would be if a counselor is also a physician, nurse practitioner, physician's assistant, etc. Having said that, I certainly understand that anxiety is a real serious problem that many folks struggle with. If you are currently not in therapy to help you with these panic attacks, you should consider it. Medications can be helpful for anxiety, and medications like Xanax may help for immediate relief, but they do nothing to deal with the root of anxiety and may not help with anxiety long-term. Therapists who have experience in exposure therapies would be good people to start with. Exposure therapy has good outcomes for people with anxiety disorders and panic attacks. If you are interested in speaking with your provider about the Xanax, I think explaining it the way you did on here is just fine. The provider will then decide if they feel comfortable increasing your medication. Please remember that medical providers are not trying to give people a hard time. Medications like Xanax really are highly addictive. The more you take, the more you may feel you need. The more often you may feel you need to use it. Depending on the frequency and amount of use, some people suffer serious withdrawal symptoms when they do not take the medication. It is a good idea to talk to medical provider about all of those things so that you can partner on right course of action to manage this anxiety. I certainly hope that you get some relief.... I know anxiety is awful.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer:
Kids these days are facing a lot of pressure! Add to that COVID19 and pandemic related stress! Play therapy is a great way to learn coping skills and to help your daughter understand what she is going through. Usually there is an underlying issue that is bigger than something that seems silly on the surface. Remember what is silly to you may be a huge deal to her, so try re-stating and imagining how she may feel so she knows you care.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How does counseling end?
How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

Answer:
There can be many reasons why?Client has reached their goals they hired the coach/ counselor forClient is not progressing or taking a path forward.Client is not a good fit
Topic: intimacy

Question: My wife no longer wants sex
I crave attention, companionship, and sex. She has had a hysterectomy, and she has a bad knee.

Answer:
Hi Hampton,Although I'd bet your wife also wants the attention and companionship, it seems that there are a few barriers in your sexual relationship right now. I also would bet that there are things that your wife would like from you. This is a very common issue; two people with different sexual drives or needs. If you both want the relationship to improve, a couple's therapist who works in sexuality is a great idea; it's a complex picture that you've only given us a glimpse of.In the meantime, you can try a few things: have compassion for your wife. She's in pain and this may preoccupy her. Sex may be uncomfortable for her. She needs understanding. You need understanding too, right?  Help her to see that you're not just angry, but lonely and hurt; it might affect how you see yourself as a man. Showing her irritability or anger might push her farther away.There are many ways to be close, intimate, and sexual that don't involve intercourse. You might want to explore some of these things and reassure her that you won't pressure her to have intercourse. Find out what your wife's wishes and ideas are. You might be surprised.These things take time to address, especially if they've been years in the making. I do recommend seeing that therapist. Relationships are very complex and it takes time to explore all the layers and barriers to change. Best of luck.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?
My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Answer:
One of the sometimes difficult things about being in a relationship is the fact that you can make goals for yourself, but you can't make goals for your partner. If your fiancé wants to learn to live more in the present and learn to let go of the past or move in a different direction, you can certainly assist him, but you can't independently make it happen.I wonder if both of you would be willing to have a discussion where he is able to explain to you what he is experiencing and you are able to listen for five, 10, 15 minutes in a way that is not blaming or pointing fingers or asking him to change, but just listening (kind of like an investigative reporter) so you can have more details and ask questions that you may have about what certain things mean, when it feels like to to him when this is discussed, etc. At that point, maybe he would willing to listen to your thoughts on the subject as well.Also, if he wants to make a change, it may be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. Sometimes changes such as these require a great deal of personal awareness and there can be quite a bit of emotions attached, so it is often helpful to have someone there to assist.It may also be nice to have a discussion where you consider what makes you feel valued, appreciated, special, or loved, and also consider what makes your fiancé feel that way.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I tell if my spouse had sex with a prostitute?
My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

Answer:
That is great that he shared this information with you, that you were tested (and hopefully everything was okay), and that he continues to answer your questions about the event.  It sounds like you are still having some trouble with what happened, and that is okay, and normal/natural.  The question I want you to focus on is why you want to know if he had sex with a prostitute?  I want you to think about what this information would do for you, how you would use it, what-if anything would change in your relationship because of this information.  I also want to ask yourself if you feel like you trust your husband?  Has he done anything like this in the past or since he shared this information with you?  I don't have an answer for you and you may never know, because it sounds like he might not even know.  He did share this information with you, he did make sure to care for you and make sure you were tested for stds, and he does continue to try to answer your questions.  I'm sure he feels a lot of shame and guilt about this experience and understand that you are still feeling hurt and confused by his actions.  I think it is important to explore the event, how you are both feeling about it, and even discuss ways to feel safe when he travels again if that is something that is causing stress and anxiety.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How can I care less about what people think?
I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way?

Answer:
My first reaction to this is that It sounds like you rely alot on the impressions and projections of the outside world, that you need validation from other people to compensate for a lack of something on the inside, build yourself up on the inside, work on yourself, use positive affirmations daily, it would be wise for you to research some self-construct theory and do some self-concept work.Hope this helps,C
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer:
My love lots of empathy for you and your mother. I am not sure if you are taking care of her or not, but it is difficult to see people we love change. I think that your anger speaks about you may be frustrated with the mother you cannot have right now. This is also a loss as well. Your mother and her condition may impact her more with time. I think it is important for you to seek support with medical providers for guidance. They may be able to offer you connection to support groups for family members. Your mother is experiencing an illness that is also changing your life. If you are unable to be connected, find a therapist on your own to support you through your own feelings. Wish you the best for you and your mother.