thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: parenting

Question: How do I tell one parent I want to live with the other one?
I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me.    How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?

Answer:
Yes, from what you wrote, your dad doesn't accept responsibility for the way he feels and blames you for his feelings.I'm glad you recognize he's handling himself less as a grown person and more like a young child.I also understand your hurt and frustration that your father handles himself in a way which shows for now that he is unwilling to respect your wishes.Your decision is not surprising since most people wouldn't want to live with a parent who shows little interest to respect their kids' decisions.In terms of how to tell him your choice, do this in simple and most basic information terms.   "I've decided for now to live w mom".I suggest to not offer reasons to him bc he doesn't seem interested in hearing them.   Giving him reasons would likely trigger him to rebut them.If he asks questions, answer them as simply as possible.If and when you feel he is more willing to understand and know you, then you'd feel more free to have genuine dialogue with him.Right now he doesn't seem very ready to handle this.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How do I find myself?
I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

Answer:
Three years ago I attended a week long meditation retreat. By the fifth day I noticed I was light headed and felt very strange. I began to realize within my own being an experience of no separation. I would see others at the retreat and smile. I loved them all. I could feel the connection with this awareness I had read about but never truly understood until that moment. I remember understanding all the teachings I had learned throughout my life about a god who existed outside of me. I realized I had all these answeres within my own being and so did everyone else. I began to see everyone as not just capable but powerful loving beings. Since this experience it has been my desire for everyone to become conscious within whatever experience they wish. I do this in many ways. At our studio we combine Mental Health with yoga and meditation as well as nutrition counseling to help people come to their optimal selves. To truly come into a state of "finding yourself," is to start to know and own who you are from a state of solid being. In this there is nothing new under the sun, and it is very simple. I would love to teach you and anyone interested in coming into a state of awake conciousness.  The more awake we are the more joyful we are. I live in this state of being and demonstrate it in my daily life.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How do I know what my sexual orientation is?
I'm a girl, and I can't tell whether I'm bisexual or gay. I like girls a little more than boys, but I don't really know.

Answer:
I would ask you, "do you feel like you need to come up with a label?" Is there something about identifying as one or the other that would be helpful for you? From what current science has told us about sexual orientation, it's a spectrum. There are people on the spectrum who are clearly gay, or clearly heterosexual, and then there is everyone in between, which includes being "bisexual" (which I guess in the spectrum would be smack in the middle?)It may be too early for you to identify as any one thing on that spectrum (as you say, "but I don't really know"), or maybe as you move through life you just won't identify as any one thing, and that's totally okay. The most important thing, in my professional opinion, is to accept yourself, fully, for whatever it is that you are. The second most important thing, in my professional opinion too, is to be honest with yourself and your partners about however you do identify your sexual orientation.
Topic: depression

Question: How do I stop feeling empty?
I don't know how else to explain it. All I can say is that I feel empty, I feel nothing. How do I stop feeling this way?

Answer:
I'm going to start by saying that you are definitely feeling something otherwise you wouldn't want to escape or change these feelings of emptiness and nothingness.  That's definitely a good thing--it means you care about how you function and want a more meaningful life.What do you think once filled that emptiness that feels gone now?  Was it people?  Do you feel you've lost interest in things you once enjoyed?  Or do you feel overall numb that seems to have come out of nowhere?  Sometimes our bodies abandon emotion in order to save energy when we feel overly stressed or depressed--it's a self-preservation mechanism.  It could be interesting to explore what used to give you a feeling of "fullness" and/or let you feel a range of emotions.  That could mean engaging in things that once gave you joy, or even watching a movie that once made you cry--just a few ways to reconnect with your emotional side.Bottom line is you are concerned enough to ask this question so there's surely emotions happening under the radar.  Working through this can be a process, so make sure you allow yourself to go at a realistic pace.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself?
I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed.

Answer:
First of all, congratulations to you on becoming a Water Safety Instructor.As far as how to forgive yourself, this is probably one of the toughest things that we ask of ourselves, no matter the subject. On the other hand, it sounds like the location of the mistake means that after you get through the class, you won't see the same people much longer, so hopefully the embarrassment will be temporary.As far as the class, maybe you can give yourself compassion for the idea that we all make mistakes and it certainly sounds like it wasn't intentional. I think we have all had a swimsuit shift in unwanted direction.Trying to make sure that the same thing doesn't happen again would probably be helpful, but it sounds like you are already doing that. Something else you could do is think of something you can say to yourself when someone says something embarrassing about that occurrence, such as "it was an accident and I have fixed it now."You may find some helpful tips here http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-past-mistakes-6-steps-forgiving/ or here http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-do-you-forgive-yourself/ . These are not meant to be resources related to religion, but it is mentioned in a few places.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?
When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.

Answer:
As you say, if he does reply it is hurtful. But, if he doesn't reply, it sounds like it's just as hurtful (though more in my opinion in terms of the longer-range effects on the relationship). The behavior he is exhibiting would easily pass for "passive-aggression," as it is manipulative and controlling through passive withdrawal behaviors. And I can assure you that you are not alone in struggling with how to deal with it. So many do, and that's why it gets done so often, because it can. For example, if you push for connection, he stonewalls even more. You probably become more distressed.Frankly, if you and your boyfriend were sitting on my couch in therapy, I'd likely say that the behavior needs to stop in order for the relationship to continue, because of how severe it sounds (an hour of withdrawal because someone can't deal is reasonable, as everyone can shut down from time to time, but this feels extreme and is extremely hurtful to you.) I might even say to him that the behavior needs to stop if he ever wants to be in a healthy, loving, connected relationship. Because the amount that you describe him disconnecting severely hurts trust and security. One of the first "change events" in Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy is for the person doing the withdrawing to be able to use words and communication to help the partner understand what they are experiencing, so the burden does fall more on him at the beginning. It becomes the partner's job to tolerate though whatever his experience is.There is no one "tried and true" solution to working with passive-aggression, but I would most advise limit-setting (like I would do in our session). In one way, shape, or form, in order for the behavior to stop, there has to be consequences to it. The more you tolerate it and allow him to come back to you when he's done with his silent tantrum, the more you encourage the behavior because he is getting what he wants.
Topic: anger-management

Question: My husband and I can’t talk to each other without arguing
Every time I speak, he says I anger him. Also, when he’s mad at something, like work, he gets angry at me. I feel like we’re so distant from each other now. We used to laugh all the time, and I feel like he lets too much negativity in. What should I do? We've been married for two years but together for seven.

Answer:
Hi, Newark. It sounds to me like your husband is going through something, and I think you understand that. You might feel very helpless, sad, and disrespected at the same time. He's changed. It's unfair for him to blame you for his emotions. His mood issues are about him, not you, and he's either not recognising that or not taking responsibility for it. Are you respecting yourself here by drawing appropriate boundaries? You can let him know when you feel disrespected, and what's not okay with you.He may be experiencing depression, which often shows up as irritability in men. It could be that he's not telling you something, or he's unaware of his emotional processes. You can try a "I'm really worried about you. You don't seem happy and I don't know how to help you. Some things are happening that aren't okay with me. Will you see a therapist?" approach. Perhaps you could go with him the first time?  It's about a combination of compassion, self-respect and seeking professional help, I believe. I wish you well.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My wife doesn't want to have sex
My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

Answer:
That sounds really challenging for both of you. Differences in sexual desire between partners is common and can create real friction and conflict. I would encourage you to do some couples counselling or sex therapy as often these issues can be worked through and low sexual desire can result from relational fears and misunderstandings or sex that isn't as arousing as is possible. There are some good videos on this resource page about sexuality and intimacy and a video that specifically addresses desire differences in relationships.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does counseling help people?
Does counseling really do anything that can help people?

Answer:
What is the importance of counseling to believers today? With faith-based counseling, you can receive the appropriate guidance and help in line with the words of the most wonderful counselor of all—God. With Covington-McGee Christian Counseling, you can receive holistic healing for your mind, body, spirit, and emotions in your quest for optimal health, wellness, and happiness in life.
Topic: intimacy

Question: I think my trust issues are going to end my relationship early
As I was growing up, my mother and father always fought. With that, I grew trust issues. I think it's going to affect my relationship now and end it sooner then I want to. I try not to let it affect me, but I can’t.

Answer:
If you thing your trust issues are going to end or affect your relationship it will because you are being baggage from your parents into this relationship.  Don't allow their problems to become your problem.  You didn't mention that your partner in your present relationship have done anything to make you not trust them.  Like in the court of law, if no evidence....find not guilty.  Don't make them pay the consequences as if guilty of your parents unhealthy behavior.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer:
I hear that you are concerned about your daughter's reaction and her emotional well being. Her behaviors are worry some as you feel she seems to be approaching her breaking point. I would suggest speaking to your daughter about the situation at school and her feelings. Listening and acknowledging your daughter's feelings without judgement or giving solutions is a very effective communication skill. Ask your daughter how she feels about speaking to a therapist or her doctor. Someone that she knows and feels comfortable talking to about her feelings and learning healthy coping skills to address stressful situations.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel burned out
I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've been upset for no reason and feeling anxious. I'm feeling burnt out. What can help me feel better?

Answer:
It's OK that you are going through that, even though it is probably very miserable.  Feeling burnt out is usually a sign that something is out of balance in our lives and we need to make some adjustments.How are boundaries set up in your life?  If these are lacking in your work life, social life, or personal life, that could be draining.  This can be all too true for people that feel like putting up boundaries is selfish or that others will reject you if you do; however, realistic boundaries are super healthy for both yourself and others. For example, I have a boundary on how many people I see in a week and when I discuss work-related issues--this helps me take care of myself in ways that make me a better counselor and lets other people know exactly what I expect so there's no guessing.Another question to consider is, what are you doing to recharge from stressors?  We tend to get so caught up in responsibilities that we miss opportunities to slow down.  We try to put a blind eye to how we are feeling and just push through, but our bodies will tell us when it's too much, whether that's through physical pain, emotional pain, or both. Consider the metaphor of a car:  if you are low on gas, your gas light comes on.  You can keep driving, but eventually you're going to need to stop and fill up, no matter how badly you want to make it to the next exit. Anxiety and other feelings popping up may be a sign you are just too overwhelmed and need to recharge!How you attempt that may look different from others.  What brings you joy?  Is there a person or people that recharge you?  Or do you recharge better doing something alone?  If you feel it's a struggle to find answers to these questions, try to remember things that have peaked your interests and brought you joy in the past.  It could be something as simple as taking a walk, creating something, baking, etc.  It can be a process, so no matter how quickly you want to move through this, just be patient with yourself!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Are some clients more difficult than others?
What are some difficulties that a counselor can encounter when dealing with a client?

Answer:
I usually don't label a client as "difficult" because whatever they are presenting with makes sense for how they believe they need to live.  "Difficult" is also so subjective, so it could mean something different for each person.It can be really hard for most counselors to feel stuck with a client.  Sometimes both the counselor and client have "blind spots" where we aren't aware of how functioning is surviving or we're unsure of how to move forward despite many attempts to do so.  Some clients are also ambivalent to change even though they show up to counseling.  Most of my client load is comprised of teens that are mandated to be in therapy or day treatment and at times, it's a struggle to build a relationship as a result.  It takes take to work through that, and a patient, understanding counselor will know to allow the client to meet at their own pace.I think it's common for counselors to sometimes perceive something as more difficult than it really is.  I've definitely been guilty of that.  All some clients need is just someone who will listen, understand, and extend empathy.  We can fall into expectations of our clients growth that may not even be needed or realistic.No matter what a client comes into session with, they should never be blamed for their issues or made to feel like they are, themselves, difficult.  Therapy is hard, and when you see a counselor it's usually because you are having difficulties that feel unsolvable on your own.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Yes it is absolutely normal!  A good therapist can help your feel safe enough to really identify painful wounds.  There are some things that need to be cried about before they can heal.  Therapists are fine with tears and buy tissues by the case.  That said, if you don't cry during therapy it doesn't mean you are doing it "wrong".  As long as you feel safe and have a sense that your therapist "gets you", and you feel progress during your course of treatment, you are doing therapy "right"!
Topic: depression

Question: How do I find out the cause of my depression and anxiety?
I have been feeling more and more down for over a month. I have started having trouble sleeping due to panic attacks, but they are almost never triggered by something that I know of.

Answer:
Answers about our inner lives are most successfully reached from a sense of feeling grounded in oneself.First step is to accept your nervousness and restless sleep.  As often as possible, sleep during daytimes in order for your body to catch up on its need for rest.Accept too about feeling down.  It is normal to feel down once in a while.  From this place of self-acceptance, trust any answers which come up to your mind.  Often answers about complicated topics come in small pieces, not all at once as a whole unit.Also, your description about panic attacks is also completely normal.   They often arise unrelated to particular conditions at a given moment.  They are a healthy symptom your body is trying to expel bad feelings and does this by having the anxiety erupt at times.So, self-acceptance, tolerance of being on a process of clearing out worn out emotional clutter, and sleep at odd times if possible, are all ways to stabilize yourself, which will also feel calm and good!
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How to get over somebody?
Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on?

Answer:
I think giving yourself the space to realize that this was a significant relationship and it really had an impact on you. I think you should honor that relationship and then talk about it to someone. The more you try to not think of it, the more you will think of it. I think you should instead, say "thank you" to that relationship. Thank you for showing you what qualities you like, what you desire. Maybe even come up with a list of what that specific relationship did for you. After you say "thank you" to that relationship then it may be time to say goodbye. You obviously want to get over that person, so figure out why you want to get over them. Why did it not work out? What negative parts of the relationship do you keep forgetting to think about. Oftentimes, people glamorize the past. So for your goodbye part of this phase, I would focus on the negative parts of the relationship. You can also work on emotionally saying goodbye to that time in your life. You are probably different than you were 7 years ago, and to be honest, they are probably different too.I know it sounds weird. But I would recommend that you mentally say "thank you" and "goodbye" to that relationship.
Topic: spirituality

Question: I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?
Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Answer:
Your question is actually thoughtful and reflects a true interest to know more about life.No one knows if god is a lie because "god" is a concept in which people either make up their own definition of this concept, or believe one of the concepts of what god is, handed down by religions.All the religions exclude the other god concepts, and expect loyalty to believing in their particular version of "god".Probably god is real in the sense that most people want to believe there is guided purpose to what goes on in life.This is as definite as what we can know about "god"."God" is not a lie because it is not a fact.  Beliefs aren't provable.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt?
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer:
Since as husband and wife your lives are closely joined, how your husband feels greatly influences the way you feel.Give yourself some time to concentrate on how you've been affected by your husband's suicide attempt.   Even if you decide against immediately telling him how you're feeling, knowing this about yourself will guide how and the topics you bring up with him.Is your husband talking easily with you?Do you have some ideas as to what is creating his feeling of hopelessness?The ideal approach would be if the two of you are able to discuss what bothers him and what bothers you.Depending on how far away you each are from such a position, you may benefit from speaking with a licensed professional therapist who can guide you and or you and your husband on opening up for discussion what feels stressful enough to merit taking one's own life.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I deal with depression stemming from chronic pain?
I have a severe back problem. I've had 3 major and several minor operations, but I'm still in constant pain. How can I deal with the depression from this chronic pain?

Answer:
Chronic pain at the back likely results from a few areas:L4-L5 kidney zone, most likely (lower back);Bone spurs, fused discs, and slipped discs, caused by connective tissue weakness, and calcium deposits used to neutralize highly acidic areas...The 'depression' will evaporate when the chronic pain is drained out, through natural means;Pharmaceutical means will simply extend the pain and cause it to deepen over time, not solving the problem;Remember, medical doctors suppress, natural doctors cure...