thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
Wow, that sounds really overwhelming. No, there are never too many or too little problems for therapy. I am a big advocate for picking the most pressing issue and putting our energy towards that to cope and then when feeling better, we can move on to the next thing. We can't be solve all issues at one time. We can take baby steps, but we will get there.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer:
Starting the counseling process can be daunting but here are some ways that hopefully help make the process a little less overwhelming. First,I'd start with finding a therapist through a therapist directory and searching for a therapist specifically in your area and with the expertise you're looking for. There are many reputable therapist directories online that offer specific information and links to therapist websites to learn more about how they can help.Next, I'd pick two or three of interest to contact directly. Have a list of questions that are important to you that you can ask to determine whether a particular therapist is a good fit. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to allow you both to determine whether it is a good fit.Then, after you schedule, the next step is to see what it's like being in session to determine if the fit is still a match.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: My relationship is suffering from severe abandonment issues
I feel as though I'm suffering severe abandonment issues stemming from childhood. I convince myself I'm not worthy of happiness, and I’m always afraid I'm doing something wrong. It's as if I create little scenarios in my mind, and I start to believe them.

Answer:
I’m glad that you are reaching out for help. What you are experiencing is common for people who have experienced abuse, neglect, or other forms of trauma. When people experience trauma they develop a feeling of shame and start becoming self critical. Therapy can help regulate these thoughts and feelings of abandonment so they are not so overwhelming. Negative self talk can be extremely  exhausting. You are already starting the healing process by becoming self aware and seeking help. Best wishesKatrina Whitehead MA LPCC
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I move on?
I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Answer:
The termination of a relationship can be a challenge to heal from. Having obsessions after a breakup are very normal and many of my clients experience them. It can help to create a distraction box and when the obsessions present themselves use your distraction activities. In the beginning try to distract from the obsessions for 5 minutes and work to increase that time over time. Celebrate your successes when you are able to distract yourself.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Do I have some type of anxiety?
Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself.

Answer:
Your, sitting in your car for 30 minutes, story sounds so sad and frustrating.Yes, you're describing classic symptoms of anxiety.Anxiety itself is the indirect result of repeatedly being in positions of feeling helpless or frightened.Are you able to recall from your growing up years of feeling insecure?You may not have felt loved and nurtured as much as you needed.Some people develop anxiety from missing enough love.  They feel lacking in ability to take care of themselves, similar to the lack of being sufficiently taken care of when younger.Try understanding if you felt neglected emotionally.If "yes", then start the slow process of emotionally rewarding and acknowledging yourself.Progress will be slow.Eventually you'll stabilize the way you feel toward yourself.This will gradually result in decreased anxiety.
Topic: depression

Question: How do I tell my parents that I think I have some mental problems?
I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy?

Answer:
Talking with parents can be very challenging, even if they are loving and understanding.  Have you ever discussed these issues in the past?  If so, how did they respond?  It'd make sense if you were avoiding a discussion if they have responded negatively to you, or even neutrally.  We rely on our parents for action when we are in need and it can feel so disappointing when they don't meet our needs.  If this is the case for you, you could still reach out to them if you feel safe to.  That might mean being very candid about what you need from them or what you are seeking for yourself.  Sounds like you already know you are struggling and you want to get some help which is awesome.Do you worry they won't believe you? Or that they'll be disappointed in you for self-harming?  If you are struggling with these worries, it may be worth talking to another trusted adult about how to bring the issues up to your parents.  Maybe that adult could be part of the conversation if appropriate or available?  Also, do you have any siblings that are old enough to be part of the conversation?  Or maybe be a shoulder to lean on?  No matter what happens, social support is really important so you don't have to go through it all alone.Is it possible that your parents or even one of your parents will be proud of you for speaking up for yourself and trying to get help?  Sometimes depression and anxiety immobilizes us because we fear the worst, when in reality there are many more possibilities.  One of the things I have my teen clients work on if they want to communicate something to a caregiver is have them come up with a bullet-point list of the things they need them to know.  So maybe your list would include symptoms you've been struggling with, how you want to change, and what you need from them to help you change.  If you do this and it doesn't turn out well, remember that it's on them and not you.  Sometimes parents are doing the best they can, and sometimes it's not good enough.  That never means you aren't worth helping. It could be helpful to make a backup plan for how you will try to reach out to someone if they don't respond well.You also don't specify your age, or if you are even a teen.  I'm assuming you are, but if not, you may be able to get help without their consent or help.  If you are closer to age 18, you may not have long to wait.  I truly hope you find what you need!
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer:
What you're experiencing is anxiety, it's actually quite common. Good news - you're not alone in this experience! That being said, it can be so frustrating and upsetting to have to contend with the anxious thoughts that come up in our heads, sometimes without any warning. Additionally, nighttime is a particularly vulnerable time for a lot of people wherein anxiety rears its' ugly head even more so. We aren't as distracted at night and our resources are more depleted so we can't fight back against these thoughts as effectively as usual. It can be helpful to externalize our anxiety, give it a name, like "Judy" or "Bill" for example (or perhaps something more sinister like Lord Garmadon??). The naming is all up to you, what comes to mind for you when you think of your anxiety, now what is a name that's fitting? The act of externalizing separates us from the anxiety a bit and makes it a little more tolerable. If you can think of your anxiety as just something else to handle rather than it being a part of your personality, this is usually helpful. Additionally, I recommend not avoiding the situations that make you feel this way. Our brains have to learn what is an actual threat and what is not. Right now, your brain thinks that crowds are a threat, if you can practice some deep breathing and stay in the crowd, you will start to teach (or rewire) your brain, letting it know that the crowd is not dangerous to you. Think of your brain as an overprotective parent. Your brain is overreacting in these situations to try and keep you safe. It just needs to learn that the situation is not a danger to begin with.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Crying is clearing. It is a release of energy and toxins. Crying is a good thing and a great way to let go and move forward!
Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: I just lost my grandpa
I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it.    I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

Answer:
Prayer online requests.  Search for free spiritual support for grief.
Topic: intimacy

Question: I am afraid of sex
I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

Answer:
As hard as it may be to do this, since all the media and marketing of how an ideal person looks and performs sexually, surrounds us, keep in mind that the images presented in order to sell movies and almost any product, is meant to trigger fantasies.No one is a fantasy, we are all real and unique.  We can be influenced to believe that being a fantasy is better than being who each of us is, genuinely.Your partner may be much more accepting of your body and your level of sexual experience, than you are of yourself!Sex within a relationship means the two people want to have with the other one, not because they have ideal bodies and expertise, but because the person wants to make love to the one whom they love.When you are in a loving relationship, part of this includes talking about sensitivities and insecurities.  Having a conversation gives the chance to know that you are accepted for who you are, not how closely you resemble a made up idea meant to persuade people to buy items.
Topic: spirituality

Question: I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?
Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Answer:
Believing in God is a matter of faith.  There are many opinions out there for and against God’s existence.  But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists?  This is a personal choice.  Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not.   Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: ¿Dios es real o no?Tal vez es una pregunta estúpida, pero algunas veces no sé que es real o no.  Siento que todo el mundo miente. ¿Cómo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?Creer en Dios es una cuestión de fe.  Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios.  Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe.  Esto es una decisión muy individual.  Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelación o confirmación es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar.
Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: I just lost my grandpa
I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it.    I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

Answer:
It's really admirable that you are reaching out to get help for something that can be very hard to deal with on your own.Many counselors work based off a sliding-scale, meaning they may lower their fees to meet client's needs.  This can vary by location and therapist availability.  Another option is to try searching for counselors that would consider working with you probono.  There's no harm in asking!It also may be helpful to check with your insurance company to see what services they cover and what their copay is.  If it turns out that you are unable to find what you need, there are still many online support groups you can search via Google and/or Facebook that are specifically geared toward loss of loved ones.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My wife has a diminished libido, and is faking orgasms and denying it. What do I do?
My wife and I are newly married, about 2 months. We've had some issues surrounding sex, particularly her lack of libido. She's on an anxiety medication, of which diminished libido is a side effect, but I think our issue is also partly one of a lack of intimacy/romance centered around my hectic schedule. Our sex life has suffered as a result. Tonight she made a genuine effort to let me know she wanted sex, which is a big deal. Once things started, she had the most obviously fake orgasm I've ever encountered. I was honest with her about why, and told her that the most important thing to me in sex was knowing that she was legitimately enjoying it. She responded angrily with a complete denial of the faking. I don't know how to broach this subject and have an honest conversation. I think she will continue to lie to me about faking it which will cause our sex life to spiral further. Please help.

Answer:
You are newly married, you Have a hectic schedule, your wife is on anti anxiety medication. What if you take the focus (hint: pressure) off of her orgasms and focus instead on connecting with one another. You know, like the gestures you each likely made while dating.  It turns out that these little moments of connection throughout our days are actually foreplay. Spend a few weeks making a real effort to focus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about this a while back, you can find it here: http://connectfulness.com/little-moments/ And have fun with it!
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?
I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.    How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

Answer:
Your happiness and healthiness is key.  I would not suggest that you hold back and keep it a secret.  You should be up-front about it, but perhaps gently bring it up on a date.  When thinking about whether or not you should stop, think about how it makes you feel.  Perhaps try to be social at more accepting affirming locations in your area.  The people who will accept you for who you are are out there.  You may not be looking in all of the places you have available to you.
Topic: eating-disorders

Question: I hardly eat. But I gain weight instead of lose weight. Why?

Answer:
First step always is to have a medical evaluation so you are aware of any physiological conditions which may explain an answer to your question.If medically, there is no condition to explain why you gain weight instead of losing weight, even though you "hardly eat", then start noticing the types of food you eat.Almost all packaged foods sold in supermarkets and cooked by fast food places and shopping mall restaurants,  are processed to have a long shelf life and are artificially colored and have flavors added to them.With the natural taste and texture gone, it is very easy to eat a lot more calories than your body needs, before feeling full.The extra calories become extra weight eventually.Also, it is possible that even with the most natural food choices, if there is a psychological reason for eating, such as stress or anxiety, then someone may not notice they are eating more food than their body needs.Sending good wishes on playing around with these ideas and finding an answer with which you're happy!
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why is my fiancé angry at me about his automobile insurance?
My fiancé and I recently had an argument over finances. He gives me the money each month to pay his automobile insurance. He no longer has one of the vehicles on the policy. He realized he was still paying for the coverage and asked why I was allowing him to continue to do that since I was physically paying it for him. My response was that he was giving me the money, and I just made the payment. I didn't think of the coverages. He was angry about it. I still can't figure out that anger.

Answer:
I'd be more worried generally about a fiancee who assumes you are responsible for tracking what in fact are his responsibilities, than about the anger per se.What you describe holds the seeds of classic abusive behavior, which is blaming the partner for what in fact are the person's own responsibilities.Start by withdrawing yourself from paying his bills.If he is on his own in terms of tracking what and when is due regarding his auto policy, then surely the only one for him to blame will be himself.Stay clear of involving yourself in doing favors for him if the favor involves something that he is the one accountable.Tell him it is so the relationship remains fair for each of you.
Topic: depression

Question: My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression
He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out.

Answer:
When you are at your lowest, you have an opportunity to learn not just about the people around you and who you can depend on, but also, so much about yourself and why you have come to the place that you have. Take this time to do some introspection and learn yourself. It will give you the power to recover from whatever it is that has broken you. We'd love to talk with you. Please contact us sometime.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety
I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I’m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do?

Answer:
Hi there. I have to commend you on reaching out to get some answers on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. A lot of people secretly go about their lives every day feeling this way because they are too afraid of what the answer might be.First off, what stressors do you have in your life right now? Financial, relationship and unemployment are all common stressors for people. They can often make it difficult for us to sleep at night due to the constant racing thoughts and wonders of how you will deal with it all. Secondly, do you have a history of depression or does depression run in your family? Some of the symptoms listed here in this question (i.e. trouble sleeping, constant fatigue, too much sleep, anger & anxiety) are all common symptoms of depression. Often times, these symptoms can be overlooked and mistaken for "just being tired." Furthermore, it's important to ask yourself, if you are feeling worthless, problems with concentration and recurrent thoughts of death. If you are having these symptoms, please seek help IMMEDIATELY. Lastly, considering your stated symptoms I would recommend reaching out to your Doctor for further consult. It's always better to be safe and the earlier you catch the symptoms the faster you will get to feeling better! do Some helpful tips for the your Doctor would be to monitor your sleep habits (i.e. how much or little are you sleeping), make a list of your triggers for your anger outbursts as well as your triggers for your anxiety attacks. I hope this was helpful and the best of luck to you.
Topic: parenting

Question: How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?
My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?

Answer:
As you will see in the two verses I will list below, Jesus and the apostle Paul are telling us that we have to learn how to let go of our past. Jesus says that anyone who is trying to move forward in his walk and call for God – but keeps looking back – is not fit for the kingdom of God.  Seek deliverance from parts of your past you’re struggling to let go. Ask the Holy Spirit or your higher power to help.  Find how to incorporate visitation so this child see you and also maybe seek some legal advice on this matter.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I get my ex-girlfriend back?
My ex-girlfriend says she's bored and wants to experience life single. I treated her really badly and caused meaningless fights when she didn't do anything, I feel remorseful, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get her back. She's unhappy. When I called her, she was crying and said she will text me when she's ready.

Answer:
Were you happy with the ways she satisfied you?A relationship is happiest if each partner concentrates on the happiness of the other.Strange for someone who was treated badly to describe themselves as bored, rather than say they feel hurt.Is it possible you are being self-critical about your behaviors toward your ex girlfriend? Either she is unaware of her feelings or not being fully truthful with you about her feeling badly treated.Since she's putting up a barrier to communicating with you, better for you to respect this than contact her by phone again.Consider in a few weeks, so each of you has time to think over your happiness with the other person, to write her an email which states your interest to re-open the relationship.Who knows, you may even decide by the end of a few weeks, that you're fine without this particular relationship.Depending on her response to your email, you'll know whether and how much chance there is for the relationship to clear up the problems of the past and to continue.