thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: My family says I have depression
I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.    Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
   Are they right, am I depressed?

Answer:
I'm alway wary of assigning a term to a feeling, as often that term becomes more important than the feeling itself. From the very little that you have written, it is clear that you are going through something that has made you extremely low, affected your self-esteem and motivation, limits your enjoyment of formerly pleasurable activities and affects your feelings of self-worth. All of these are aspects of being depressed, though you can be depressed and still not have "depression". Counseling is definitely a place where you can go and sort out why you have had such a sudden a drastic change to your mood. Sometimes our mood can be effected by changes in our routine, losses or significant disappointments. Talking with someone will not only help you to better understand why you are feeling this way, but they will also help you to ground yourself and learn strategies and tools to help you to manage your mood and strategize for the future. I do hope that you will reach out. Feeling alone can be harmful over long periods of time, as it can stop us from seeking out the support we need.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Do I have some type of anxiety?
Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself.

Answer:
I would suggest keeping a log of those days when you are having a hard time. Items to write would be what were you doing before you felt this way, did you eat and what, what time of day is it, how much sleep did you get that night, etc... This can help you identify any triggers. Further assessment can be made by a health care professional. It does sound like you are experiencing some symptoms of anxiety.
Topic: depression

Question: How do depression and PMS symptoms contribute to one another and what can I do about it?
I struggle with depression as well as pretty intense mood swings throughout the month. I experience highs where I feel amazing and energetic and then lows where I lack focus, energy, and generally have a more dark outlook on my life. How can I live a more balanced life?

Answer:
Are you certain your highs and lows are directly related to your cycle?  It's possible that there are at least some contributing factors, even if they are  as a result of hormonal fluctuations.For example, at the start of your period, do you have that "I feel great" feeling, or are you tired and down?  Mid-cycle (assuming your periods are regular), do you find yourself napping or ready to run a race?  Either way, how you feel may be leading you to behaviors that contribute to your changes in energy and optimism. Let's say that the few days before your period, you feel cranky, bloated and want salty food.  Your natural inclination might be to isolate, stay inside and eat chips.  The next day, you feel even more tired, cranky and bloated.  It STARTS with a hormonal symptom, but what you do with that can change how you  end up feeling.  So if you notice feeling cranky, bloated and craving salt, what if you pull up a restorative yoga video online, spend an hour being restful and centered in your body and have a good meal with a healthy balance of fats, proteins and carbs, with fresh veggies and fruits before you turn in early to give your body the rest it is asking for ?  That sets you up to feel MUCH better!And those "on top of the world days" - who doesn't love them??  But even those days, be mindful of how you are treating yourself.  Exercise for sure, but don't do twice the workout you normally would just because you can!  You might feel super energy and skip meals which sets you up for poor sleep and feeling crummy after a day or two.All that aside, if you have a couple rough days before your period, pay attention to what is bugging you.  Christiane Northrup, MD, likens our menstrual cycle to the tide.  When the tide is out (just before your period), you see all the garbage cluttering up your ocean floor, but you don't have the energy to address it, so there it stays, bugging you.  At the height of physical and emotional energy (usually mid-cycle/ovulation), the tide is back in and you don't see all that annoying stuff you saw before.  Since you have good energy at this time, take advantage of it by doing some "clean up" on the things you saw there when you felt crummy.  Maybe it's that conversation you have been putting  off with your partner, or having the long-delayed closet clean out, or searching for a job that feels/pays/fits you better.  Whatever it is, those "PMS blues" may hold important messages for you.If taking good care of yourself, staying tuned in to your needs and keeping an eye on the "tides" don't help, then  see your doctor.  Something else may be going on - our hormones all work together like a symphony - it only takes one to be out of tune to throw the whole thing off!
Topic: spirituality

Question: My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences?
In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs.

Answer:
I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction. There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial. Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues. Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?

Answer:
If you are saying that he will not have sex with you, but the rest of your relationship is as you would like it to be, perhaps you can have a discussion about it. There could be a difference in preferences. Perhaps you could give each other feedback regarding what you like and what you don't like.If there are other concerns in your relationship, such as possibly needing to communicate better or trust each other more, these concerns could be showing up related to your question about sex.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does counseling help people?
Does counseling really do anything that can help people?

Answer:
Counseling provides a safe environment for people to explore the beliefs about the challenges in life. The various types(modalities/techniques) of counseling serve as guides for specific individual's personal journeys.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
Here's what I'm already picking up on from you: 1) you are motivated to advocate for your needs, 2) you value connecting with your therapist in some form, and 3) you have at least a basic understanding of what you want/need from therapy.  Finding a therapist that fits can be a difficult task.  Every counselor has their own style and some just tend to mesh well with certain personalities--factors beyond our control.  If you look at it in terms of specialties, many therapists will identify those on their company's websites and/or during an intake.  It is important to know what your therapist is competent in because you are sacrificing so much time, energy, and finances into the process!Figuring out if your counselor is a match for the issues you present with can be relatively quick to discover (usually this happens during intake when the counselor informs the client about their areas of expertise). On the other hand, it may take a few sessions to learn whether or not you feel a connection with your counselor.  In the research we have on clinical outcomes, it is shown over and over again that the relationship is key--treatment techniques alone play a very small role in client change when the counselor-client bond is lacking.  I wonder if maybe there is a fear here that your therapist may not understand you or may guide you in the wrong direction.  When I have a client with these fears, it's crucial we process their expectations of and goals for therapy, as well as realistic ways I can help support them in those goals that fit their individual needs.  You may find that some therapists don't meet your needs and that's OK.  It's normal to feel discouraged about therapy not working out, but it's important to continue to search for the best match for you.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer:
You can interview counselors you may be interested in working with and gauge how experienced they are in possibly supporting your needs.  Ask questions (you can google questions to ask a new therapist),  and have an idea of what would lead you to feel safe working with this person.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I move on?
I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Answer:
Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: What can I do about my family not accepting me as bisexual?
After I told them, they yelled at me.

Answer:
Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that this was your experience with your family. I truly wish I could give you some things to say to them that would change their reaction, but unfortunately I can't do that. Their acceptance of you is a journey, just like coming out is a journey for you. Sometimes families initially respond this way, but after time they become more accepting and even supportive. Unfortunately, there is no way to know for sure if that will happen. So, here are a few things I would suggest:Surround yourself with people and things that remind you that you really are okay as you are. That won't take the place of your family's acceptance, and I won't even pretend that it would, but it may help during those days when it hurts the most. And that is really important. Patience is not something that many of us are really good at, but this type of situation sometimes forces you to have some. When families first learn something like this, they may go through a period of shock. And then sometimes even grieving. They may even be worried if they are of a particular religion where being bisexual is forbidden. These things can take time for them to reconcile, so it may just take some patience. If it is safe for you, try to talk to them, but if it becomes painful or hurtful then you have the right to walk away. I do recommend setting up some personal boundaries for yourself, and perhaps learn some assertiveness skills if you feel you struggle with them. The reason I feel that this is important is that people sometimes take a lot of abuse from family members and friends in times like you're describing. They may want to be accepted so much that they put themselves in hurtful positions over and over again hoping that their families will come around. They may, or they may not. And if they don't, you deserve to live a life free of abuse and to feel confident and assured of who you are. To be surrounded by folks who remind you of that. If you start seeing this pattern and you are struggling, chatting with counselor may be a great idea. I am bias probably, but I think chatting with a counselor is ALWAYS a good idea. :) Hope this helps. Be well. Be you. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
Starting counseling, and bringing in a lot can feel overwhelming; like you've brought too many full suitcases and it's scary to think about opening them all.  My strategy would be to help you take inventory of all the areas you'd like to eventually work on and then prioritize what you'd like to work on first.  We would just focus on what seems manageable to work on, for now (what suitcase do you want to open, and how much do you want to unpack?)   Often times, symptoms have similar root issues, so once you start to work on one area and it gets better, other symptoms can get better too.  Being a breast cancer survivor you already have a chest of skills and tools that have helped you get through!  It's likely those skills can be applied in other areas for healing.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body?
I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful.

Answer:
Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this. To be honest, this kind of behavior is really emotionally abusive, and you likely know that already. The unfortunate truth is, there is very little we can actually do to change another adult's behavior if they are not interested in changing it. Many people who behave in this way actually feel justified in saying what they say, or even believe that they are "helping" in some way by telling you how to improve yourself. What is actually going on is an attempt to control or change something about you by being coercive and abusive. It is important to know that this kind of behavior doesn't necessarily show up right away. That is why I am not surprised that you are a year in to this relationship and are just now noticing these behaviors. Some people actually don't see them until they are already married! You didn't mention that there has been any physical abuse, but I would warn you that this is sometimes a possibility once a person has already begun to be emotionally abusive. Other things to watch out for is your boyfriend trying to control who you hang out with, what you do and how you dress, etc. These are just more examples of emotional abuse and control. Here are some things to consider and some ideas:1. You could talk to your boyfriend about this behavior, if you believe it is safe to do so. Perhaps he will recognize that his behavior is not okay, and change. If not, then you may need to decide what you want to do about this relationship, given the fact that you cannot force him to change. 2. You can call a local domestic violence program. They do not only work with people who have been physically abused or have been married. They are trained to talk about emotional abuse, also. It may be a good thing for support. Your calls are confidential. 3. Check out the wheel in the link below. On it you will find some other common ways that abuse can happen in a relationship. If any of these are happening to you, or begin to happen, talking to a domestic violence program, a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor would be a good idea. http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/Portals/97/Images/violence_wheel.gif  Be well.... Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I like a guy, but I worry that he thinks I'm creepy

Answer:
He may also think you're the most wonderful person in the world and that he's glad to know you!Worrying what someone else thinks about us without directly approaching them in an open minded way to see what actually are their impressions of us, will wear out the person who has the worry.Feeling nervous and to a degree anxious, is pretty typical of anyone.   Since until you find out whether this particular guy likes you or does not like you, the possibility of an unfavorable outcome, creates anxiousness.The best way out of your anxiety is to decide on your way of being friendly to this guy and see how he handles himself.Who knows, you may end up being the one who thinks he is creepy!Good luck.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
Thank you for sharing your question.  I imagine it feels overwhelming and discouraging at times if you feel like there are too many issues to address in a counseling session.  I would encourage you to share these concerns with a counselor because a counselor can help you organize the concerns into a list of specific goals.  For example, a list of goals may look similar to this:1.  "I will learn about the effects of medication on the symptoms of depression and anxiety."2.  "I will learn about the factors that affect insomnia."3.  "I will learn about resources and support groups in my local area to help me cope with my traumatic experiences."4.  "I will practice self-care exercises each day and write about my thoughts and feelings in a journal so I can measure whether or not I"m making progress."This is an example of some of the possible goals a counselor can help you work toward each week.  Working toward a specific goal can lead to a feeling of accomplishment once you've completed it, and this may have a positive impact on your self-esteem.  I hope this information helps, and I wish you all the best!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: What do I do about a cousin who makes me feel belittled, insecure and frustrated?
Hello, I have a cousin in my family who has been making me feel belittled, insecure, and frustrated during her stay here in the city. I know she comes from a place of love, but she has always been short-fused and highly temperamental if something doesn't work out the way she planned it. I have tried my best to coordinate plans with her, but she always ends up frustrated about the lack of communication I seem to have on my part and then makes condescending comments about my character that include: inconsiderate, negative, oblivious, and self consumed.    I have tried to talk to her openly about this, but it always comes back as an attack on my character and I have never heard these comments from anyone else before. I have been thinking a lot about her comments and whether I truly am an inconsiderate person who is not thoughtful, spatially aware of surroundings/people, or positive, but in the end, I am feeling awfully hurt about how this has affected our relationship.    What can I do?

Answer:
Do you have a close friend or relative who's opinion you trust? Ask them for their honest feedback and if they see you like your cousin does. If they don’t see these qualities in you, then it may be your cousin’s issue and she’s taking it out on you. You can always ask her what would be the best way to communicate plans with her so you know, specifically, what she is expecting. Then if you meet these expectations and she still blames you and comments on how inconsiderate you are, it's her issue and she is not coming from a place of love.Even if you do resemble her comments, the way it sounds like she approaches this problem is not out of love. The fact that you're introspective enough to consider your own behavior suggests the problem is not with you.
Topic: depression

Question: I think my friend might have depression
She has trouble falling and staying asleep and she's always either extremely hungry or not hungry at all. She also gets angry and feels like crying really easily for no reason. She says she is always "kind of down."
   Is this depression? What can I do to help her?

Answer:
Do you feel heavy with despair, struggling each day to keep your head just above the darkness and dread? Does it take every ounce of energy to stay afloat? Or are you feeling overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness and hopelessness? If this sounds familiar, we want you to know that you are not alone and therapy for depression could help.While it may seem difficult to find your way back to hope and happiness, therapists have  been helping clients to personally do just that for years. To experience the joy of warm sunshine on their face, to reconnect with estranged loved ones, and to re-engage with a meaningful life.Just like other chronic illnesses, depression is not your fault, it’s nothing you’ve caused. And also like many other illnesses, effective treatments exist to help ease and eliminate the struggles you face.If you’ve said or thought these things a lot recently: “I’m too tired to try.”“I don’t want to leave home.”“I don’t care anymore.”“Why am I always crying?”“I don’t even know who I am any more.” Or even, “I wish I wasn’t here.” Then there are proven steps and therapies that can help you get remarkable relief. Therapy for depression can bring you hope, help and a way forward. Visit denvermhc.com to read more.