thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: anger-management

Question: I'm being emotionally abused by my dad. I need advice on how to hold my temper with him

Answer:
First, I'd like to say that I can't imagine what it must feel like to live in your shoes and have to be exposed to such treatment. Oftentimes, people don't recognize how serious this type of abuse can be. It's very important you first recognize that it is absolutely impossible for any of us to change a person. So the only thing you have control over is you - your response, your set boundaries, and your support system. It's very important that you set healthy boundaries, express these expectations to him, and consistently follow them. I cannot stress how important have a strong support system - a circle of caring people - who can help keep you accountable with your boundaries and who you can reach out to if you ever feel your safety is at risk. There is only so much I can explain via writing so let me know if you need any additional help. Feel free to contact me.  - Natalie
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Therapy brings people in for many different reasons. Most of the time it is because something in your life is not right and having someone to talk to that is not a friend or family member can be very helpful. We have many emotions, some are easy to share in front of others, some are not as easy. When you step into the therapy room, you go in with expectations of some sort. Even if you did not expect to cry, it is quite normal to do so. Talking about your emotions in the counseling room can be helpful as part of your therapy. Share with your counselor what it feels like for you to cry in therapy, as you explore together you will learn more about the connection between thoughts and feelings.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Although not everyone cries in therapy. In my opinion crying is a emotion that some express in therapy. Crying is something that some express when it’s hard to discuss situations that may have never been discussed, When discussing traumatic experiences, and at times crying has even happened to some of my past clients when they have had a breakthrough in their therapy process.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help?
I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?

Answer:
I would check out agencies that offer affordable counseling based on your income or very low cost counseling sessions, i.e., Pacific Clinics, Hathaway Sycamore, Pasadena Mental Health Center, Burbank Family Center. If you google affordable or low cost therapy in your particular area you will find resources to help you.
Topic: marriage

Question: My husband seems to be changing, and I feel angry and hurt
My husband took a job out of state for the next year and seems to be a different person. Before, he worked and slept, and on off days, he'd stay home because he didn't want to do anything else. Now he's going out with friends several nights a week while I'm still home working a 50 hours a week job and taking care of two kids by myself. He's suddenly saying he misses me and wants me to be his adored wife, but the whole time, I'm remembering how I've been emotionally starving for the last five years.

Answer:
It seems that you have been very disconnected from each other which naturally  could contribute to symptoms of saddness and even depression. Obviously something has shifted which you do not understand. Therefore,  perhaps you should consider attending Couples therapy to help work through your concerns and feelings?  It would also be beneficial to assess if in fact any depression or other underlying issue is going on. Communication is so important in any relationship and the manner in which we express ourselves to our partner can either invite curiosity and emotional connection, or shut down connection. IMAGO dialoguing is a helpful tool for couples for communication as it teaches  validating and empathic listening to better heal disconnection.
Topic: relationships

Question: My ex-boyfriend say we're finished but still acts like we aren't
I've been with a man for four years. For the last year, he has said he is done, but he still talks, texts, visits, and has not moved on with anyone else. His words do not match his actions. I love this man, but it's hurting so much.

Answer:
That does sound very confusing...and hurtful.  You do not have to tolerate someone treating you in a way that hurts you.  It may be helpful to decide where the boundaries are for you and to stay true to them in your interactions with him.  You teach other people how they are allowed to treat you.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety
I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I’m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do?

Answer:
It sounds as if you may be experiencing a bout of anxiety and/or depression. Sleeping difficulties, irritability and anxiety attacks all are correlated with these mood disorders. And it’s actually quite common for someone to deal encounter this during their lifetime. Also, keep in mind that just because you are experiencing this now does not mean that you will be dealing with it the rest of your life. Many times, it can be a single episode and if treatment is received, you can help prevent any recurrent episodes.However, you may want to first talk with your primary physician to rule out any medical issues that could be causing these problems. There may be a reason for the sudden onset of these symptoms that can be addressed quickly. On the other hand, if it is determined that you are experiencing anxiety and/or depression without a medical reason, there are two methods that are very helpful in your treatment:#1 Talk therapy with a certified therapistHe/She will be able to address the concerns you’re experiencing and discovering if there is an underlying issue that may be causing it.#2 MedicationThere are many medications that can assist you with the feelings that you are experiencing. Your doctor will be able to help you find the right one that works for you. If one doesn’t work, keep trying. There are many different options to address your specific needs.Also, a combination of these two options is extremely beneficial!Thank you for your question. I sincerely hope that you feel better soon!
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?

Answer:
The clinical term for alcoholism is “Alcohol Use Disorder,” which is defined by the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (known as the “DSM-5”). There are 11 symptoms that are described in this diagnostic tool to help health care providers determine whether their patients suffer from an alcohol use disorder. 11 Signs of an Alcohol Use DisorderYou drink more alcohol or you drink over a longer period of time than you intend to.You have persistently wanted to and/or tried to cut down the amount of alcohol that you drink or stop drinking completely, but you have been unsuccessful.You spend a great deal of time seeking out alcohol, using alcohol, and recovering from the effects of alcohol.You find yourself having strong cravings, desires, or urges to use alcohol.Your use of alcohol leads to your inability to fulfill your obligations at work, home, or school.You continue to use alcohol even after your drinking has caused problems in your social life or interpersonal relationships.Your use of alcohol leads to a reduction in or disengagement with important social, occupational, or recreational activities.You find yourself recurrently using alcohol in situations that are physically hazardous to you.You continue to use alcohol despite your awareness that your drinking has caused or exacerbates a physical or psychological problem.You have developed tolerance to alcohol, which is defined as needing larger amounts of alcohol to obtain the desired intoxication level or feeling a reduced effect when you drink the same amount of alcohol.You develop withdrawal symptoms when you don’t drink alcohol, or you use alcohol (or a closely related substance) in order to prevent withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal symptoms include: sweating, fast pulse rate, hand tremor, insomnia, nausea or vomiting, hallucinations or illusions (visual, tactile, or auditory), psychomotor agitation, anxiety, generalized tonic-clonic seizures.A person who has 2 to 3 of the above symptoms is considered to have a “mild” alcohol use disorder.A person who has 4 to 5 of the above symptoms is considered to have a “moderate” alcohol use disorder.A person who has 6 or more of the above symptoms is considered to have a “severe” alcohol use disorder.
Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: I think my wife is running from the pain of losing our first born
My wife is trying to leave. She agreed to come back and give me a little time. Even said she hopes I can do it. We buried our first born in Jan 13 years ago. She never got past it. So every year around this time, she gets emotional and says she doesn't think she loves me, but then we go back to normal. This time, another guy came in and showed her attention. I'll forgive the cheating if she'll come home.

Answer:
I'm sorry that you lost your first born child.  Death of a child always leaves a permanent reminder to the parents of a very painful time in their lives.The good news is your awareness that you and your wife are not connected in a satisfying way.There are many possible areas to examine in your relationship as partners and as parents.If what you write here are your observations and theories about your wife's outlook and conclusions, then the first step is to directly have conversations together on the topics you write here.What needs clarifying is what her reasons are for wanting to leave the marriage.Often, a crisis such as a child's death, motivates someone to look deeply into other intimate relationships.  Keep in mind that looking deeply doesn't necessarily mean leaving the marriage.Also, be aware of your own frustrations and marital discontent.  Be ready to talk about your feelings and uncertainties.There is no such thing as one happy partner in a marriage and one unhappy partner.   Each person is part of a system and can only be as satisfied as their partner.The conversations that open relationship hurts and disappointments, hold a lot of emotion.  They are difficult to keep on track.Best recommendation is to find a couples therapist who will be neutral to each of you as individuals, and help both of you examine the true health of the relationship.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself
I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident?

Answer:
One of the ways that can help you practice acceptance  of self is by using self-compassion. Researcher, Kristin Neff recommends that taking a daily self-compassion break can be beneficial in that it can transform harboring feelings of isolation such as those hating yourself , to an experience of connection. A self-compassion break consists of placing your hand over your heart and acknowledging that you are having a difficult time believing in yourself but that you recognize you are not alone as suffering is ubiquitous so you are connecting with the rest of humanity. You can then say encouraging words to yourself either silently or out loud such as "May I be led every day to recognize my strengths and to love myself" or "May I find peace within myself and strengthen my self-belief." Apart from self-compassion, I would encourage you to keep a self-esteem journal in order to engage in expressive writing and write about your strengths so that you can start to build self-acceptance.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: Should I get a new therapist?
I have an eating disorder of binging. I've had gastric sleeve surgery. I need help with issues of abuse as a child, addiction, and abusive men. I have been in therapy for five months and get no feedback from my therapist.

Answer:
Hi Anaheim,Relationships with therapists have some things in common with other relationships; they work best if there is dialogue about what your hopes, thoughts, emotions and needs are. Are you letting your therapist know what your goals are? It's okay to say "I'd really like us to focus on this piece", or "I'm looking for specific direction about how to manage this part". Your therapist is wise if they ask questions that determine what your needs are, but they can't read your mind. Not every therapist will be a good fit for you. I know I'm not a good fit for everyone I meet. We have different styles; some are more  passive and focus on listening. This might be the type of therapist you have. For some people this is what they want, but maybe it's not for you. Maybe you want someone who digs at you more, asks more questions, gives you strategies, lets you know what they think... someone more active. If this is the case, it doesn't mean s/he's a bad therapist...it's just not what you're looking for. Sometimes people think they can't end sessions with their therapist; they might be worried about hurt feelings. But, in the end, you don't owe your therapist anything if you feel it's not working or it's not a good match. Just move on and try someone new. Maybe ask them questions first about their style, even. Best of luck!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer:
Being a caretaker can be very rewarding and demanding. This is not easy work, particularly when the person you are caring for is experiencing significant changes in behavior functioning. In your mom's case, it appears that her personality has drastically changed, and not just toward you. The first thing is to keep in mind that this is not personal to you. Your mom is experiencing cognitive degeneration, which impacts how a person perceives the world around them and how they respond to it. Educating yourself about Alzheimer's and how to take care of yourself as a caregiver may be very helpful.  It is so important that you have support. It is challenging to take on the task of caring for a person. The adage, "it takes a village to raise a child," is no different in this case. Maybe have breaks for caring for your mom and have someone else help. In those times, you get away, engaging in tasks and activities that are fun and exciting to you. It also may be beneficial to reach out to support groups of caregivers of those with dementia or Alzheimer's.Lastly, individual counseling for you will be so helpful. Talk through these experiences and develop coping strategies such as deep breathing, self-validation, wise mind, or safe/calm place.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: I have had a compulsive swallowing tic for the past 9 months—how can I get rid of it?

Answer:
The first step is to get a medical rule out that the problem is psychological and emotionally based, not a symptom of a medical condition.Ask your healthcare practitioner their opinion on this question.If there isn't a medical explanation, then you are free to explore the possibilities of tension and anxiety in your life which may contribute to the swallowing tic.If you've been under severe stress at work,  feel pressure in a relationship, have a sense of wanting change in your life overall and unsure where to start, these are each possible stimulus to a tic.The main point to keep in mind is that the tic is best addressed by clarifying  the life situation predicaments in which you may be.Aside from reminding yourself to stop the tic once you notice it, a tic which is not a medical problem will go away when the underlying tension which supports it goes away.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
Finding the right therapist isn't as easy as looking in the phone book and choosing someone who is close-by or is inexpensive. The therapist who feels like the best fit is someone who you feel comfortable being vulnerable with, provides a environment (physical or virtual) that feels safe to try and take risks, and who focuses on your needs in the time you spend together. The right treatment options may vary depending on what you are going through in your life at the moment, and may not be the same from challenge to challenge. A good therapist for you will communicate with you and give you feedback, but also encourage you to grow and be able to utilize the tools you've acquired in your real, every day life.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
Your therapist will show up for you not only keeping your appointments but s/he will listen to you. S/he will use your language. Also s/he will respectfully confront you when appropriate.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself
I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident?

Answer:
You are valid and you are enough, starting to actually believe that within yourself will be key!  Releasing the thought that you are unworthy will be crucial also!  What are some activities, hobbies, crafts, talents you have?  Remind yourself that you have great qualities.   Do not allow others' opinions of you to penetrate your psyche.  Often what others say is about them more so than about us.  What lights you up, excites you?  What brings you joy? Do more of those things.  Where did the thought or the feeling of hating yourself physically and emotionally begin? Here is a helpful video  Where Does Self-Esteem Come From
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer:
It must be really difficult to experience what your going through right now.  It takes a lot of courage to reach out. It sounds like you want to get better, but perhaps need some help to get over the hump.  Many of the symptoms you have described are consistent with a person who is dealing with depression.   Depression is a treatable condition.  Typically, if these symptoms have persisted for more than two weeks, then it is a good idea to seek professional help.   Someone who is trained in dealing with depression.  Initially, a comprehensive assessment would be completed to rule out any other causes for your symptoms and to determine the exact nature of your presenting concern.  Then, in collaboration with one another, a tailored treatment plan would be developed, focusing on how to best help you reach your goals.  The good news is that their is hope for getting better! You don;t have to do it alone.  Allow me to be your ally in healing.
Topic: marriage

Question: How do I get my husband to listen to me?
I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.    How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?

Answer:
Thanks for your question.  Communication is essential between couples and often times gets neglected in relationships.  Working with your husband to help him become a better listener and consequently, a better communicator is going to take some work from your part.  You have to calmly be able to express to him your concern and how it affects you.  Very important is that you do it in a loving and non-threatening way.  Therefore, the time to have this discussion is not when you are frustrated or need to vent to someone about something important.  Focus the discussion on how both of you could benefit from having more meaningful conversations where both parties are being heard and how it is important to you that he hears you just like it is crucial for him to be heard.  There is a lot of useful information online about how to be a good listener or therapist in your area that can help you.  Be patient and genuine, and he will come around.  Best of Luck, Mirella~
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Are some clients more difficult than others?
What are some difficulties that a counselor can encounter when dealing with a client?

Answer:
Dang right!  :)Heh heh, and correct me if I'm wrong... and, if we are truly professionals, we should be able to handle even the most bumptious of folks, now shouldn't we? ;)It's like a mechanic who knows his way around every inch of an engine... he'll know what to do... heh heh heh...
Topic: anxiety

Question: I am paranoid that my boyfriend hiding something from me
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me.

Answer:
Paranoid is a mental disorder word.  That is a strong word I think to use in this situation.  Honestly the bottom like is either you don't trust him for some reason or you are insecure with yourself.  Which is it?  Do some soul searching to help you figure which one it is.   Work on either discussing why you don't trust him and work on building that trust ....or why you feel you are not good enough and work on that.
Topic: relationships

Question: I feel like I can't control having inappropriate thoughts
I find that I imagine things sexually, and I hate it because it puts strain on my relationship. I feel helpless and guilty. I want it to go away, and I want to make my woman happy again.

Answer:
It is completely understandable that you would like to find a way to make these intrusive thoughts go away, however, your feeling that you can't control having these thoughts is accurate. It's also understandable that you would feel helpless and guilty, given that you see how these thoughts are effecting your relationship, though I would encourage you to go easy on yourself and remember that you aren't choosing to have these thoughts. I'm sure that if there was a switch to turn them off, you would flip it.There is no magic technique or pill that can guarantee these thoughts will go away, however, therapy may still have a lot to offer. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into where these thoughts are coming from and develop new ways of relating to them so that they do not leave you feeling as helpless and guilty and can be more present with your partner. Though there is no guarantee that the thoughts will go away, this may also be a result of work with a therapist. Either way, you may be able to find a way to deal with the thoughts and show up in your relationship in a way that will be satisfying to you and your partner.