thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How do I become more self-confident in general?

Answer:
Check out my latest blog:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-listI hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer:
The sense of being worthless appears to certainly  be a limiting belief about yourself that you have been cultivating. One way to transform a limiting belief to a more adaptive and empowering belief would be to explore if there exists any evidence to support the limiting belief about worthlessness. First list all of your personal strengths,  or talk with a supportive friend who can give you feedback about the qualities you have that they love about you. You may soon discover that there is little evidence to support your limiting belief. You can also experiment with asking yourself- supposing I believed the opposite of my limiting belief? The theorist, Karen Horney used to say that each individual has a unique universal inner power which represents a fountain of the growth process. I encourage you to tap into that inner power and develop new, empowering ideas about who you truly are.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Any suggestions for erection problems?
I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it.

Answer:
Hi there, first off I have to commend you for reaching out. It takes a lot for a man to reach out for help when it comes to erection problems. Believe it or not, this problem is very common for men and women. There are some things that you can try naturally, before resulting in medication, such as your eating habits and exercise. I would suggest taking a look at what you are consuming throughout the day. Do you consume a healthy diet and do you exercise regularly? How much caffeine and sugar do you intake daily? These are just a few common things to look at. You would be surprised of how much pressure what we consume puts on our bodies. Our bodies are like a car. You have to maintenance it, in order for it to continue to run. If you would like to get further natural advice and/or suggestions on eating healthy and exercising, I would recommend you see a nutritionist. A nutritionist specializes in maintaining a healthy diet. As far as your Doctor, I would recommend looking into getting another Doctor. I have never heard of a medical professional not wanting to talk about anything. That appears to be a personal issue on their part. I hope I was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: What can I do about those people that are so misunderstanding and judgmental?
People always judge others so rudely.

Answer:
I agree with you and this is emotionally painful to watch or be on the receiving side.Depending on who is the person doing this and your relationship to them, it is possible to kindly point out that the person may unnecessarily hurt someone's feelings.If you express your thoughts and give your guidance, then whatever the person does afterwards, you have the peace of knowing you tried to redirect this behavior.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
I don't think you have too many issues for counseling.  If a client came to me for help with the same issues that you have listed here I would first want them to meet with their doctor to get a physical to rule out any biological causes to your depression, anxiety, and insomnia.  I would work with you on deciding which of these issues to tackle first.  I usually suggest starting with the issue that is easiest.  Reading through your symptoms I might choose anxiety to start with since you are in the early stages of it.  I like to give my client skills they can use right away, so I would focus on teaching you breathing exercises to manage the anxiety as well as cognitive restructuring so that when an anxious thought pops up you can talk yourself through it.  Once you felt that you had some control over the anxiety I'd start to work on some of your other concerns, but I would seek your input on what you felt like might be good to work on next.  My gut is that some of these issues would be resolved as you worked on others.  For example as you worked on your anxiety and began to process your trauma and as you began to work on self care and getting more sleep - your self esteem would probably improve.  I encourage you to meet with a therapist and ask them how they might be able to help you.  These are just some thoughts that came up for me on how I might help someone with the same or similar symptoms.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer:
Perspective is everything. I know it is "silly" to you, but I can't help but wonder if it is much more for her. Sometimes when we "overreact" it is a manifestation of something much larger: a feeling that has been neglected or a worry that hasn't been addressed. It is healthy to learn how to effectively cope with stress. How do we handle life when it feels overwhelming? Developing coping tools to process emotions instead of dismissing them until they "bubble up" again.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer:
If everyone thinks you're worthless, then maybe you need to find new people to hang out with.Seriously, the social context in which a person lives is a big influence in self-esteem.Otherwise, you can go round and round trying to understand why you're not worthless, then go back to the same crowd and be knocked down again.There are many inspirational messages you can find in social media.  Maybe read some of the ones which state that no person is worthless, and that everyone has a good purpose to their life.Also, since our culture is so saturated with the belief that if someone doesn't feel good about themselves that this is somehow terrible.Bad feelings are part of living.  They are the motivation to remove ourselves from situations and relationships which do us more harm than good.Bad feelings do feel terrible.   Your feeling of worthlessness may be good in the sense of motivating you to find out that you are much better than your feelings today.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer:
You can call, email or contact them through their website. Or if you know the location, walk in and ask for them to contact you and leave your contact information. Hopefully this helps!
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer:
It's common with social anxiety to replay or "pre-play" conversations in your mind - often focusing on how you believe it did or could go wrong. CBT can be helpful in pinpointing what's keeping this cycle of anxiety and avoidance going for you if it's something you wish to change. It's also important to note that adults who struggle with feeling nervous or scared in social situations often have similar experiences in childhood - namely being criticized by parents, siblings, or peers for how they speak, interact, appear, or express themselves. This often creates a pattern of becoming very self-conscious in an effort to avoid shame and embarrassment in social interactions. Working with a therapist to process through these thinking patterns and the behaviors that come from them can help to start decreasing anxiety and anger around social interactions and more importantly decreasing feelings of shame and anxiety about the way you express yourself.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Thoughts of afterlife causes anxiety
Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.  When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.  Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal.

Answer:
You need to find an outlet. Someone to talk to. Your dad or someone who loves your mother as well is someone ideal. But anyone could help. Just look to someone for help. If you can't find anyone who you think will listen, talk to your mom. It can help greatly just to get the words out. Tell her how you feel about her passing, but then also about everything else. Talk to her about your day. Tell her about happy things. I don't know if you're a religious person, or where you believe she is now, but no matter what you can talk to her.
Topic: anger-management

Question: i need answers to my angry, possessiveness, and urges
I need answers to my anger, possessiveness, and urges.
 I am angry all the time. I push people away so much that I actually blow up on people now because they ask me how my day is or was. I have a possessiveness to someone who is not even mine. I have these urges to hurt someone really bad. I want to see them beg for me to stop hurting. I want to hear their agonizing pained-filled voices. What is wrong with me?

Answer:
What result are you hoping to get from the behaviors you describe?Maybe start by comparing the results you see yourself receiving from your current interactions, with how you would wish to feel from relating to others.Since you ask, "what is wrong with me?", there is a disconnect between what you are doing and what you'd like in return.This is true even with imagining doing harm to others.What are you really trying to accomplish for yourself by hurting others?Besides the unethicalness and criminality of this and legal consequences of arrest for such behaviors, what gain which is not evil, do you expect from overpowering and imagining you control another human being?
Topic: family-conflict

Question: My brother never hangs out with me anymore
I am a teenager, and my brother is a few years older. He has a girlfriend who is always with him. He never hangs out with me anymore. We were really close, and it is making me really sad.

Answer:
It is always hard when we feel as if we are losing somebody close to us. Feeling sad over these losses are normal. While there may be some things you can do to remedy this situation, it is important that you try and understand that part of life is change. The fact that your brother doesn't spend as much time with you doesn't mean that he loves you less or doesn't care about you. It most likely means that he is having to split his time between different people and priorities. I suggest that you communicate with him how you feel. Perhaps, ask him if he would be able to set up times that the two of you can hang out, without anyone else present. Addionally, it wouldn't hurt for you to also find some other ways to spend your time away from him. Now might be the perfect opportunity to pick up a new hobby or hang out with different peers. Keeping yourself distracted in healthy ways and processing your feelings of sadness will likely help with lifting your mood. Good luck to you!
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How can I be happier and healthier?
I've tried working out and eating fruits and vegetables, but I always seem to eat the junk in the house.

Answer:
I know some people do better when they don't have as much junk food in the house. This is not as tempting then. Having said that, maybe you can reward yourself with different things, such as having dessert on certain days. If you are concerned about mostly eating habits, consider seeing a nutritionist. They can help you find the balance between what it is that you really want and your goals. I'm not sure how this links to happiness for you, but hopefully looking at your choices can lead you toward your goal of being healthier.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I move on?
I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Answer:
Breaking up can be a very difficult thing.  I'm sorry you're feeling badly.    The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc.    Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse.   If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it!   It's important to concentrate on you and not them.    Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life ---  what is still good?   Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?  Do you feel hope?  If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling.   If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life?   Maybe contact a therapist or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time?
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer:
It sounds like you've already decided. But if you want to really figure it out, do a pros and cons list or talk to someone to figure out if you getting the most out of the relationship and if not, if making it better is an option, which it always is. Are you and your boyfriend willing to make it work? If it's one sided and you have nothing to lose get uncomfortable and do what you need to do. Trust your gut! It usually doesn't steer us wrong.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How do I find myself?
I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

Answer:
This quiet wonder that you have is something you can easily explore. There is a part of you that you can access anytime, anywhere. It is the part that has always been with you. Find a quiet place where you can be alone for a while and get comfortable. Settle in. Let your thoughts go by like a river. Stay with that connection for a while. What you find in the silence is yours alone, your "you".
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer:
You can, for sure... and the first step is to believe you are worthy TO YOURSELF. Recognizing you are in a quest is already a big first step. Taking the time to start figuring out who you are is definitely the next... do so with SELF COMPASSION and kindness. Know this is a process and just look forward for what you might find.  I do recommend you find someone to talk to (there are many options out there that can fit the situation you are in), and I also recommend you start by giving yourself the importance to invest some time and effort in this quest. YOU DESERVE IT. There are some excellent TED Talks you can google, great books you can read, or even joining a yoga practice, team or some kind of hobby may help. Anything that shows yourself you are worthy of this effort. Have patience and start!!!! the answer is out there waiting for you. Asking these questions already set you on the right path.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: What can I do about my family not accepting me as bisexual?
After I told them, they yelled at me.

Answer:
Topic: relationships

Question: My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy
I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
   I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?

Answer:
It is not the case of being right or wrong, in my view. If you are asking, I believe you truly care for your boyfriend. It seems like he is having difficulties in establishing trust in this relationship. The ideal would be to come closer to his upsetness and to show him that you are there for him. I hope all goes well. Rossana Mag.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
Often times when an individual begins the counseling process it is revealed that there is more than one thing going on. When we think about how much is wrong, it can be overwhelming and we may not know where to even start. Counseling can provide guidance to help you to begin working toward healing in a way that is most helpful for you to reach your goals.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
You should like and trust your counselor. Sounds like a big ole “DUH”. But you will not believe the number of people I have met with that have described their past counselor as “totally opposite than me” or someone who “didn’t get me” or “had totally opposing beliefs as me”. Suggestion to the masses, do your research prior to entering counseling! If you are someone who often cusses and is abrasive, you might not want to pick the counselor who is highly professional and uses sophisticated language throughout their site. Pick someone who is more in line with your personality and wants for your future.And even if you do your research beforehand and figure out you aren’t vibing after a few sessions, that’s okay! Let your counselor know this, and who knows there might be something that can be done to make you feel more comfortable or maybe there isn’t. But the good thing to note is that there are thousands of human helpers in your city and your counselor would be happy to provide you with a referral to a better fitting therapist.View full post here: https://www.therapybyshannon.com/blog-2/2019/1/14/7-things-counseling-should-and-shouldnt-be
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I hate the way I look
I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face. It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do.

Answer:
Check out my latest blog:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-listI hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer:
If you've found the "right" therapist for you, you probably feel comfortable being vulnerable with them. Ideally, you feel connected to them in a way that leads to you feeling understood. In order to get what you need out of your treatment, it's important to be open and honest with your therapist about what you are seeking. Are you looking for coping tools? What are your goals and how are you planning on reaching them? Those questions need to be talked about in therapy to make sure everyone is on the same page.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get people to listen?
I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.

Answer:
First of all, I am sorry that you have been missing out on your childhood. It may help you to know that many of us feel that we have missed out on our childhoods, as well, and that despite such deprivations, for many of us, our adult lives have been extraordinarily fulfilling due to our opening up to trusted adults. I recommend that you find a trustworthy adult to talk to. This may be a teacher, a coach, a school counselor, a minister, a family member, or a friend's family member. If none of these are available, try out a professional counselor, social worker, psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychologist, or a psychiatrist. It is best to get a referral for such a professional from a peer who has had a positive and safe experience with a particular provider.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt?
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer:
The fact that you're reaching out for help here is really helpful.The first thing I would suggest is that you consider seeing a local mental health professional yourself to be able to talk about the details, how this is affecting you, and how you can hold onto you are while also being supportive to you husband.From the way that you describe this, I wonder what has changed since coming home from the hospital. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your husband this and mention that you are asking him questions to learn more about his experience and you can discuss how you notice that things were going much better when he came home from the hospital, and now things are not as good. Perhaps he can tell you about what is different so that you may know him would be most helpful to him.I also hope that you husband is still continuing with his own treatment.There may also be a local peer support telephone number for the county that you live in that they be able to help you determine whether your husband needs more immediate treatment if he is feeling hopeless again. There are national crisis telephone numbers listed below as well.