thejana/Elective_modified_2 huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer:
The feeling of being worthless is caused by your inside being not matching your outside result. Your comparison to others and you thinking you need to be someone other than who you are. You are not worthless. No one is worthless. You need to find your worth and not let yourself talk yourself out of the good you find in yourself. I hope these words resonate with you and that you start looking for your worth even if it’s as simple as I am able to get out of bed and call someone and make a joke.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
The very act of therapy is about purging that which you've been holding on to. Sometimes while we talk about and let things go, crying happens, which is a natural emotional response to processing something complex. Sometimes we get really angry and mad, sometimes, there is no emotional response. All is well, keep going!
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?
I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
   I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

Answer:
It is very good news that you realize the risks of smoking cigarettes while pregnant and are willing to stop.Thinking about smoking is a typical and frequent reaction to being without the substance.Be creative with what you know about yourself to distract you when this psychological urge comes up.  My suggestions are to imagine smoking if you find this would relieve the sense of wanting to smoke.Or, do the opposite and remind yourself of all the good reasons to not smoke.Also, since you're planning pregnancy then ask your partner for ideas on how to make the psychological feeling to want to smoke, feel less intense.Another suggestion is that your partner is your texting buddy to stop smoking.   With AA groups, a sponsor is always available for the alcoholic who feels distress about the urge to drink.   Having a trusted and caring person to tell about your problem helps in many situations.  Maybe it will help you to stop smoking.Good luck!
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I get my fiancé to notice me again?
My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Answer:
Hi Rockford, While no relationship is "perfect", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different. "He has no time for me"... yet you don't fight. Hmmm...Is it that you don't fight because you don't bring up what's bothering you? Are you avoiding conflict? Many people do. What do you fear would happen if you let him know how you feel about his recent pulling away? As an engaged couple, now is a really good time to see what happens when you bring a concern to your fiance. Better to find out now what happens when you rock the boat by being real. Or maybe you have spoken to him about it. If so, what happens? Does he listen and help you understand him better? Or does he avoid and reassure you...or maybe dismiss you? This is really important data to gather about how your fiance handles conflict and how you work together. He says "leave me alone". That's a pretty bold statement about what he wants. He doesn't seem to have the same idea that you do about what marriage is, and how close you want to be. Plus, I have to say, those words sound more like what a closed-off fourteen year old would say to a parent than a loving fiance to his bride to be! Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be that your fiance is scared about getting married and this is a temporary reaction that will change. But if this is true, he needs to tell you that so you can understand. So, I suggest that the fact that when you're together you're "okay" is perhaps not the best barometer for how you're doing as a couple. Listen to your gut. I encourage you to be really open with your fiance about what your feelings and fears are. This may get rockier before it gets better, but until you face what's not working, you won't know who you truly are as a couple.  When you're engaged, it's a really cool time to see a therapist too...to get some conflict resolution skills down before you're a married couple.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What can I do about my boyfriend being so close with another girl?
My boyfriend has this close female friend. It always bothered me because of how close they are, so I decided to meet her. That made the situation worse because they were even closer than what I thought. They acted like a couple rather than friends with each other. There was no physical interaction, but he talks to this girl a lot. What can I do? Leaving him isn't an option.

Answer:
Well, as hurtful as witnessing your boyfriend's closeness with his female friend, I"m glad you saw firsthand the dynamic of your concern.There isn't anything you can directly do to stop his relationship with this lady.It is possible to influence his side of their relationship.Directly telling him your discomfort with how close the two are, may make him pause before engaging with her in a discussion.  This is nothing to count on since the control is in his hands and not yours.I'm sorry to read that the option to leave this relationship is out of the question.The only way left is to get used to the fact that you don't like this aspect of your boyfriend, and this is a disheartening outlook overall to you and to your relationship overall.If after repeated effort to influence him by your opinions, your effort to adjust to a situation you don't like, if at all possible, consider a longterm plan to discontinue this relationship because by that time it may feel very oppressive in your life.
Topic: depression

Question: My husband makes me uncomfortable about sex
Both of my parents committed suicide together, and I was the one who found them. I suffer from overwhelming depression, which is having an extreme effect on me and my husband’s sex lives. He does not understand at all and is always making me feel so uncomfortable about sex.

Answer:
Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want to tell you how sorry I am for the experience you had with your parents. That is a grief and trauma that is certainly hard to imagine. Trauma and grief can affect us in many ways, and certainly deeply personal things like our sex lives. It may be difficult for others to make the connection, but it is there. So, for example, if stress and trauma make you feel like you are not interested in sex, a partner may take it as a personal rejection rather than response to stress, trauma or grief. If your husband will agree to it, couple's counseling may be your best bet. A counselor can help you with your communication and may be able to provide some education to your husband about trauma and how it can have an impact on intimacy. If he doesn't agree to go, it may be worth it to go on your own. You still have a lot you are dealing with yourself. And sometimes our personally therapy can influence others, so it may be a good idea. It is important to remember that even though you are married you have the right to make decisions about your body, and that includes when you want to have sex with it. I hope this is helpful, and some of my colleagues may have ideas, also. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I deal with gender dysphoria in a positive way?
I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it.
 My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do?

Answer:
Hi. It can be difficult to handle such a transition on your own. I work with clients to understand their needs and wants. This can involve how to communicate effectively with friends, family, and other loved ones; or, learning how to have self-acceptance. I strongly recommend speaking with a licensed clinician one on one to help facilitate the change you are looking for.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I tell if my spouse had sex with a prostitute?
My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

Answer:
The only two people who know the answer to your question are your husband and the prostitute.The question you did and can answer is the reason you would doubt your husband, which is bc of his multiple stories.Ideally your husband cares to restore your sense of confidence in the stories he tells you.If you state your doubts and your interest for the truth, ideally he will produce enough evidence of the truth so you will have facts and can make sense of them.   Hopefully the two of you will do this sense making together, especially if he did have sex w the prostititute.If he's unwilling to care about restoring your trust in him, then this is a different problem entirely.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer:
Thank you for sharing your experiences and for being vulnerable. The answer to your question is no, you don't have too many issues to address in counseling. Therapy is designed to provide you with that safe and non-judgmental space, where you can share everything and anything you wish you share and as raw as it needs to be. Being open and vulnerable is incredibly courageous and can bring you a lot of healing. I encourage you to start counseling and to not be afraid to share at your own pace.
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?
I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
   I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

Answer:
While smoking can be incredibly difficult to quit doing, it's not impossible, so the first thing to NOT lose is hope. And certainly planning to have a baby can be exactly the catalyst that one needs to motivate to complete this sort of task. But, as I said, it still won't be easy, even with the motivation there.There is a definite physical component, but it's great that you can acknowledge the psychological addiction that exists. It would be helpful to dive into what that psychological need actually is, as it can vary from person to person (whereas the physical addiction doesn't as much, and therefor can be helped through gums and patches and inhalers, etc.) Exploring and getting to the root of the psychological need can help you to determine what is going on for you psychologically, and how else you can meet those needs of yours, perhaps in much healthier and more adaptive ways, that also help you to feel really good about yourself. While replacement is not always advocated, having psychological needs is not something to be ashamed of, but rather nurtured.
Topic: relationships

Question: Why can't I let myself trust my partner?
I've been with my partner for 4 years. She's given me no reason not to trust her. But lately I've been overreacting a lot when she's just doing normal things. I think it's triggering my bad past relationships.
   How can I get rid of these insecurities and be more trusting with her?

Answer:
What's most important is that you recognize that what you've been doing is off base - that what you've been feeling is "overreacting," that you have "insecurities," and you suspect your actions and reactions are connected to your own past and not to the current situation or to your partner. That's an excellent first step because without recognizing these things about yourself, it's unlikely that you would change.That said, you sound as if you are really ready to start some therapy to work on your own personal growth... not because there is something "wrong" with you, but because you're ready to learn more about yourself and make some creative changes in your behavior. Yes, there are lots of self-help books and courses, but we humans often make the most progress when we have support in  real-time from another human being who can sit with us, point out our blind spots, and teach us some skills that are hard to learn on our own.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why do I feel so lonely these days?
I have no idea what happened. I go places and do things but still feel lonely. I honestly have no friends, and I am always the one texting people and bothering people. I feel invisible, like someone that no one wants to be around.

Answer:
A lot of times any and each of us creates what we need for ourselves by seeing other people as creating these circumstances and situations.Is it possible that at this time period in your life, being alone is positive for sorting through your true values or sorting through key situations in your life?If "yes", then possibly you are giving yourself some alone time, even though to some degree being alone is not your first choice.At the very least, since you aren't happy with being the one who texts others, then some alone time may encourage new thoughts and ideas creating more open space within you to attract other people who do enjoy texting you first.Also, most relationships are not forever.  Is it possible you are at a phase when some relationships are simply closing down so that you have clear space within your life for new and different activity?
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?
I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

Answer:
Oh that is too bad not sure is it because of the one you are in therapy with or the counselor ?  What feelings are coming up and thoughts in your mind first to start.  Try and put them down and look at what is on paper.  If you need to maybe do a group first then individual then couple.
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I ask my boyfriend about who he's texting?
We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.

Answer:
If you'd like to ask a question, then go ahead and ask!Boyfriend/girlfriend is a close relationship and it is usually understood as an exclusive relationship.  You're definitely entitled to know if your wishes to not have him texting another woman, are being respected.Often people are afraid to ask because they fear the truth will hurt them.In the short term this is definitely true.In the long term, knowing you are getting what you want and at the very least stating your expectations to your boyfriend, will clarify for him, what is meaningful in your relationship.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer:
Yes, it is very normal to cry during a therapy appointment.  When you meet with a counselor, you are opening yourself up and sharing very vulnerable sides of yourself.  Through this deep introspection, emotions (sometimes unexpected) can come out and this is completely okay and very healthy.  Research has shown that crying reduces pain by releasing oxytocin and endorphins and reduces stress through the release of stress reduction hormones.
Topic: marriage

Question: What makes my husband so selfish when it comes to my feelings?
If I tell him I don't like certain things, he does when it pertains to me. He tells me it's not like that. He never has anything to say about me until I tell him something about himself.

Answer:
It sounds like there are issues with communication between you and your husband.  Your perceptions of interactions that you are having don't sound like they match up.  It would probably be helpful for you both to work on communicating using "I" statements (I feel----when you---).  This is a more effective way of communicating your needs than directly criticizing the other person.  If you work on communicating in new, less critical ways you both may learn more about your spouse's feelings and perspective.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have anxiety?
I stress over everything. If I don't have enough "quality time" with my boyfriend, I start to feel resentment towards him. He has three children, and they are great kids, but I find we don't have much time together. I break down easily and find myself depressed.

Answer:
Feeling neglected in a romantic relationship can be pretty painful, so I don't think your response is anything out of the ordinary.  I do wonder what you mean when you say you stress over everything and break down easily.  Is that according to your own assessments or someone else's?  What do those moments look like?  Within the context of a lot of stress, breaking down wouldn't take a whole lot---and it's OK to break down.  It's the body's way of releasing pent up emotions.  If that's coming out via aggression or self-harm, it may be time well spent to create a coping plan for those tough times in order to feel like you have more control over your default response.Sometimes voicing your needs can help people to meet them, or at least compromise.  If you feel he would be receptive to a discussion, let him know how much time you need a day, or week.  You may not even fully know that, but if he's flexible, you can test out what feels right for your relationship.
Topic: anger-management

Question: How can I control myself and learn to let things go or communicate?
Whenever I run into a situation that makes me upset or angry, I tend to start cursing and badly offending the person I am confronting. I say mean things to let my anger out. Whenever people tell me stuff about my relationship (like starting rumors or saying negative things about me or my relationship) I lash out not just them but at my boyfriend. I feel like I keep causing drama due to my personality. I want to be a better person and learn to let things not get to me and be happy and graceful. I hurt the ones I love with my words. I want to be better for myself and them.

Answer:
Congratulations on making your way to Step One, self-observation and deciding to change a feature about how you understand and relate to others.There is extraordinary strength in being willing to notice your effect on others and consider what changes are possible.Start on the inside track of your own heart and mind.  Once you're able to understand what is driving your emotions to the point where the only reasonable way of handling them is to curse and offend people, you'd have gotten a long way in knowing your own expectations of others and how far off the mark from this in your mind, they are.For example, if you expect others to always be accepting, tolerant and happy about situations with your boyfriend, and you're hearing otherwise from people, then you can prepare yourself for possible, less than positive comments about your relationship, or you can ask people to not comment to you about your relationship at all.Basically, the more you know about yourself and are willing to accept your right to ask others to respect your views, the easier and calmer time you'll have in handling comments from others that you're not glad hearing.Also, this is a long process because you'd be trying to change long time and deep patterns of interacting.Be patient with your own learning curve and certainly consider therapy for yourself in order to have some outside guidance and support for the process you're placing yourself.
Topic: parenting

Question: How do I help my 5 year old from horrible tantrums caused by a bully at school?
We have tried gentle talking, counting to calm her and talking about it, sending her to her room and then trying to talk when she’s calmer, and now calisthenics. However, nothing is working.

Answer:
There's two things this post relays - one, which I'm sure you've already looked into - is working with the school to address this problem. Sure, sometimes kids don't get along, but most schools look at bullying seriously, and this sounds serious. The other, though, is additional tools to consider to help your daughter. If you haven't already read Greene's Explosive Child, you might give it a shot. While it's a little preachy, many of the tools are wonderful and can help parents navigate tantrums. https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0062270451 Another tool that can redirect a child that's losing it is a task. If her tantrums, say, involve throwing things, maybe she's in charge of throwing all the sticks and acorns off the driveway into the garbage bin. Ie: 'Hey Jenny, you seem really angry right now, let's use all that energy and get some work done!' Go with her, throw with her, even - if possible - making a game out of getting the acorns into the bin from a distance. I wish you all the best~
Topic: parenting

Question: How do I address my nephew's sexual behavior?
My step nephew, a preteen, has begun masturbating. I also had to take away the internet because he was caught looking up porn. I’m worried about him.

Answer:
Your nephew's behavior sounds normal and developmentally appropriate.  Masturbation is a healthy expression of sexuality.  Most families to create some rules about where it's ok to masturbate-- for example, stating that it should be done in the privacy of the child's own room.  I'm wondering if you or another adult in his life have talked to him about his developing sexuality?  It seems like that would help him and you handle his increasing maturity.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: My dad is mad because I identify as a male and I was born a female
My dad doesn't like the fact that I'm a boy. He yells at me daily because of it and he tells me I'm extreme and over dramatic.
   I get so depressed because of my dad's yelling. He keeps asking me why I can't just be happy the way I am and yells at me on a daily basis. Is this considered emotional abuse?

Answer:
Maybe this is emotional abuse.It certainly is irritating and annoying to be yelled at for being yourself.Maybe at a time when he's not yelling you can bring up the topic of your own willingness, if this is true, to discuss questions he has about your gender.There's no guarantee he won't start yelling midway through a dialogue like this.  Only then you will be on firm ground to excuse yourself from the conversation since you already explained that you're willing to talk with him and not to be yelled at by him.