thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: anxiety

Question: I keep on changing my life when things get tough
I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
It's great that you are at least aware of what pushes you to seek change in your life.If you were in session with me, one of the first things I'd explore is what "tough" means for you.  Is it relationship issues with other people?  Or tasks related to your job?  Or is it something else?  It's important to know what you may be trying to escape in order to work with it.  For example, if you tend to make changes when you are faced with a commitment, then there would be something about commitment that scared you and the work would be focused there.  One thing to think about is that most people tend to run from things that they believe they can't handle or get through.  Could this be happening in your situation?  If it is, there could be some underlying fears present that you are incompetent or you will fail.  What's interesting about that is that some people avoid change for the very same reasons.  It's actually quite amazing that you handle so much change in your life and have for a very long time.  That shows you can handle a lot!  The last thought I have is that the more you push through the tough stuff, the more you will have confidence in your ability to do that.  You don't have to feel confident to start the process--in fact, many people feel very vulnerable and terrified sticking with decisions that are out of their comfort zone.  Having social support, even if it's just one person, is so important when you're facing your fears.  That could mean counseling, or a partner, friend, family member, etc.  Doing it alone is another level of tough.You may be at the point in your life where you are just seeking some answers and aren't feeling ready to address what's happening and that's OK.  No one wants to go blindly into this kind of work.  There's no rush to figure it all out right now.  Give yourself some time to let things unfold!
Topic: relationships

Question: I want to become a better man
I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together?

Answer (from Tamara PowellAnything But Ordinary!):
I love that you are so thoughtful and proactive about this!  If only every client came in as solution focused as you, my job would be so much easier. I would second Robin's suggestion of reading ANYTHING by Gottmann. He's fantastic. Other favorites of mine are:“Getting Together and Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage” by Dr. William & Carleen Glasser“Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage” by Dr. William & Carleen Glasser“Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson“Divorce Busting: A Step-By-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again” by Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W.“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman“The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-Dependency – the Other Side of Co-Dependency” by Drs. Janae & Barry WeinholdI'll also add to Miriam's assertion that your partner is the expert on her. You can help things along by becoming a better expert on you as well. What is it that you are craving and likely trying to get your need met in potentially unhelpful ways from your girlfriend or in ways she doesn't understand or vibe with?  If you can better explain your own needs while trying to understand hers, you all have a recipe for great success! When both partners seek to serve one another and stay curious about each other in the process, intimacy abounds!Best of luck my friend! And if you get stuck, of course seeking help from a professional is always a great idea too. ;)
Topic: depression

Question: My family can't stand me
I am the problem. I make my family argue because of me. My mom has even said it. It's constantly like this. I cause problems. I am worthless. I can't stop crying. Sometimes I have to cry myself to sleep. I can't even leave my room because my family can't stand me.

Answer (from Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR):
I'm so sorry you're going through this!  I think there is almost always someone in the family who becomes the scapegoat and ends up feeling this way sadly.  Please know that you are NOT the problem!  It sounds like you need to be heard and understood but maybe your family has their own stuff going on and don't know how to handle it so they end up taking it out on you, or maybe they just don't know how to listen and validate because they never learned.  Bottom line is there are many reasons they might be treating you this way that have nothing to do with you or your worth.  It's your parents' responsibility to love and care for you.  You are loveable and worthy regardless.  I hope you find a therapist that helps you work through this.  You deserve to be happy and loved.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How can I deal with a break up?
My fiancé and I broke up. He cheated on me numerous times. I kept forgiving but questioning his every move. He got tired and left.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Cheating on you shows a lack of commitment, in addition to the emotional hurt it creates.Probably you didn't actually forgive him because if you did, then you wouldn't have been asking questions of his every move.Maybe you were open to forgiving him.   In order for forgiveness to be effective, the person who has done the injuring must first show some understanding and empathy for the great pain the person caused in you.From what you write, your fiancé didn't seem to have much interest in earning back your trust or in empathizing with the way his cheating effected you.It is very likely his tiredness is also tiredness you feel, of having to watch him all the time.As uncomfortable as adjusting with the disappointment of him leaving you, the situation you describe sounds like it was unsatisfying for both of you.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How do I get over "imposter syndrome"?
I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.    How can I get over this feeling?

Answer (from Candice Conroy, LMHCFind relief from anxiety, depression, and trauma.):
Imposted Syndrome is often linked to feelings of shame - shame about our own inadequacies, our imperfections, the limits of our knowledge or abilities. It's based on the belief that in order to be valuable, you must be perfect. Often times, the standards for this are so unrealistic, that when we really look at them, we can cognitively see that it's impossible to achieve. Here are a few of the common beliefs that typically underlie Imposter Syndrome:I must know everything there is to know about this and have no gaps in my knowledgeI must be perfect at every task the first time I tryI must never make mistakesI must always appear confident and never let on that I have any doubtsSo in order to appear valuable, you must hide your imperfections. The only problem is that this behavior does a few things that actually keeps you stuck in Imposter Syndrome. Hiding things you're ashamed of (such as your lack of knowledge in a new area) only reinforces the emotional feeling that this is "bad" or "wrong"It keeps you from having the experience of others knowing you're not perfect and still accepting and valuing you anywayIt keeps you from asking for help or information when you might need it, making it more likely your performance will actually sufferIt can cause you to come off as not needing support or guidance, so that will be given to others who acknowledge their imperfections and limitations openlyIn order to decrease the feeling of Imposter Syndrome, it can be helpful to take small steps such as asking for help, information, or clarification when you need it; acknowledging the limits of your experience of knowledge; and taking every practice as a learning experience rather than a test of whether or not you deserve to be there.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses
I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.    Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this?

Answer (from Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.):
OK first things first. We have to think of your safety and take care of those thoughts of hurting yourself.Yes, this is a major problem for you and can cause anxiety and depression. You have the right to be sick and tired. Kids often are pawns in this marital problems that their parents have. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.I am not sure of your rights in the state you live in but as far as I know you as a 17 year old you have the right to stay where you want. So your'e going through an anxiety episode and your therapist is not available.  If I'm the therapist we would have already set up a plan so that if you are in this situation you would know what to do. In the worst case scenario you would be able to contact me.But I would have given you several exercises to help reduce your anxiety.Staying with your mom should be your choice. I know you probably don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but there are ways to ease the tension. Maybe with your permission and their agreement, we all could meet together for a session or two to ease your tensions and get over and through this hassle.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere?

Answer (from Barika Grayson LMHC, NCCLicensed Mental Health Counselor www.counselflorida.com):
Hello Largo, This is a great question.  There are several options when a therapist is transferring to a new practice.  If the practice is in the same general area and the therapist does not have a non compete agreement they can let clients know where they are going.  Generally if a therapist has a planned exit from an agency or practice they will inform their clients, and offer or provide  transition sessions or suggest new therapist options.  At times, unforeseen events arise and and there is no transition process with the therapist.  While this situation is not ideal for any client, it does provide an opportunity to utilize learned coping strategies and resilience.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: Can someone with bipolar disorder feel like they are not themselves, like an observer in their own body and not really in control?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Yes.You wrote a good description of one of the ways someone who has bi polar diagnosis would describe themselves.And, this description is broad enough to describe the way many people feel when going through a painful and frightening life event or situation.Unless someone has been diagnosed with bi polar disorder, then the description you wrote above is not sufficient for a self-diagnosis of like disorder.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer (from Laura Zane-NwagbaraochaEmpath, Authentic, Therapist, Wife, Mom):
Hi There...do you find it is just in crowds or do you find it when you are around other people as well? Like if someone is angry you can feel their anger? if they are sad, you feel their sadness?   Are the thoughts and conversations sometimes mean and then you feel guilty, and then feel bad about yourself? Sometimes this happens when people have anxiety, but it can also happen when you are a highly sensitive person. (Check out Elaine Aron's website HSPersons.com). Essentially, HSPs have more mirror neurons (the ones that reflect back to you other people's emotions) in their brain so the pick up other people's energy and then things like crowds can feel overstimulating for them. We then imaging ourselves in other's shoes, and it can create a guilt loop. A good therapist should be able to help you identify what is happening for you.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Nichole PriceSpecializing in Trauma and Related Disorders):
Hello! First of all, thank you for paying attention to your daughter and noticing that she is concerned! It sounds like you have been a positive influence on her for her to be so focused on achievement and for her to care so deeply about her performance! Based on what you've said here, I understand that you are concerned that she is overly stressed, though. I share your concern. People of all ages have meltdowns when they become overwhelmed with stress, and the negative consequences of those meltdowns can definitely have a ripple-effect into other areas of our lives.For your daughter, the thing I would want to know FIRST is this: does she feel she has adequate healthy coping skills to manage the stress she is experiencing? Because, it doesn't really matter WHAT she is stressing on...what matters is how she deals with her stress when it threatens to overwhelm her. I'd like to know what, exactly, that she does when she is feeling stressed that helps her to feel better. If she has only unhealthy coping skills (for example, sleeping, shutting-down, raging, self-attack with critical self-talk, etc.), or only one or two healthy skills, we would want to teach her some additional healthy strategies to help her KNOW that she can cope. Just one risk of not addressing this issue now could be that she may come to "learn" that stress is 'unbearable' which may cause her to turn to destructive or escapist strategies to avoid the discomfort, the pain of feeling hopeless, and/or the negative belief that she "cannot help herself."  I definitely think it would be worth both your whiles to have her evaluated by her family doctor and/or a professional counselor. With a counselor specifically, she could learn the needed skills as well as be evaluated for other issues that may be contributing to the issue (for example, a learned belief that she "must be perfect or she is not worthy.") Plus, having a neutral support person to help her meet her personal goals is always a good thing. Good luck, mom and daughter!Learn more about me and my practice at www.EMDRheals.com
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Why does my spouse tell me he doesn't want me, but also gets jealous of me?
My spouse decided he no longer wanted me six years ago. Things have deteriorated so badly that we have separated but still live in the same house. He says he despises the sight of me, wants to be with other women, and divorce. What I don't understand is that he says constantly that I have no feelings for him and gets absurdly jealous if I speak to another male. Why does he constantly do these behaviors? I might add he has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and as a narcissist.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
It sounds like this is quite difficult.It sounds as if sometimes your spouse want you to be a part of his life (which could be a part of where the jealousy comes from) and sometimes he doesn't. Talking about this would likely be a delicate conversation and from what you mention he has been diagnosed with, I'm wondering if he has a therapist. If so, do you know whether he would allow you to come to one session so you can learn more about how he feels? Maybe he would be to use more of it because in the contained environment of an therapy office. This way at least you would know where he's coming from. You could also ask whether he is able to hear what you want, wish for, or desire between the two of you.Remember, just because you hear or follow what he is saying does not imply that you agree with him, although that concept in itself could be a subject of discussion because not everyone is aware of it.I hope that you are able to hold onto who you are and what you want throughout this.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My wife won't do things she used to do
There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
I'd say you're letting fear get a hold on you! You would really enjoy some sexual activities that your wife hasn't initiated in a long while, but it's a big leap to go from that to "I married the wrong person". Fear is telling you that she doesn't respect or like or want you? Look at the bigger picture. What is the evidence that your wife wants to please you?...that she is the "right" woman for you?...that she loves you?...that she cares about what's important to you?  If there is evidence there, then you owe it to the marriage to rein in your fearful thoughts.Talking to your wife is so important right now. We all have moments when we really just want to sit and stew in our self pity over our partner not vacuuming or cooking or saying loving things often enough...but they can't read our minds! Can you lovingly let her know what you miss? ...what you hope for?...what you need? This is the meat of a loving relationship. Sharing who we are, so that we can love each other better. Your wife deserves the benefit of the doubt that she'll listen to what you long for. Can you risk feeling vulnerable? You can't control her answer, but can you trust her to care?
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
As we all need coaches and everyone including all of us on here had one or still does cause it is about your desire to be the best you can in your life goals.  People you connect with come into your life based on desire or a manifestation.  You will know once you have a few sessions with them and once you achieve you might move on to another expert.
Topic: parenting

Question: My son plays alone at recess
Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?

Answer (from Jessica DobbsTherapist):
I recommend asking your son about the reasons he chooses to play alone at recess. If he is happy on his own and you know he has some friends, I would not be very concerned. However, there may be bullying going on at school. In the case of bullying, it may be a situation where you as his parent will need to step in.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: I have an old roommate who might be a psychopath
I was “mentored” by this guy for a few years spiritually. It was okay at times, but other times, it was just weird. I try not to think about it too much, but a lot of manipulation and lying happened, yet no one else really believed me when I told them. It's like he's two different people, and no one else really sees that side of him. I was blamed for a lot of our troubles, and now we don't really talk much. I'm worried because he's in a trusted position of leadership and no one suspects anything. They just think I'm attacking his character. How do I know for sure?

Answer (from Sarah ParkerSpecialize in healing painful emotions and restoring relationships):
It doesn't really matter what the actual diagnosis is, and whether or not he is an actual psychopath, he has manipulated and lied to you, and that is enough reason for you to stay far away from him. Men (and women) with these characteristics can become violent. They can also make your life difficult by creating financial or legal trouble for you. Again, forget about him, and contact the police if you think he is in a position to harm others.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Audrey CornishLearn skills to manage whatever life throws our way!!):
Hello there, first I'd like to say I think it's great that you are reaching out as a parent and wanting to help her. My first thought is whatever is going on with her is not silly to her, and is impacting her in a real way. She is responding the best she can right now. It does sound like she is struggling with managing her anxiety and stress. She might benefit from finding a therapist that she can trust to discuss her thoughts and feelings, learn coping skills, and learn how to better manage these overwhelming emotions.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I feel like I failed myself
My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating.

Answer (from Jennifer GerlachYour Story Matters):
Wow, you got hit with some serious stuff all at once. Work, relationships, and housing/security are major needs for us and to lose all that at once has got to affect you. When things go wrong, it is natural for us to look for blame----and the easiest person for us to blame is ourselves. Put that with grief and you've got a recipe for feeling awful. We can start feeling so low as to want to check out with things like food, and TV as you described. It can take time for us to move to self-forgiveness, and self-kindness in order to start moving forward again. I wonder what you can do right now to improve your situation? I also wonder if you may be willing to seek counseling to help you work through some of this, to help with your perspective, and to assist in your grieving process. Just reading these 3 sentences, I get the sense of you being a nice person. I hope you can show that kind of kindness to yourself in your healing.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What should I do about not being sexually attracted to my girlfriend of five years?
Nothing we've tried has worked so far.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Probably what you should do is decide whether you can continue having a romantic and sexual relationship with someone to whom you don't feel like having sex.Five years is long enough to know that the way you feel toward your partner is more than likely going to remain this way.Talk with your gf about your feelings because she may not wish to be in a relationship in which her partner is not sexually attracted to her.