thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: family-conflict

Question: My daughter is in her 30s, not married, and pregnant. How can I break the news to the family?
She is living with her boyfriend of seven years. He is in therapy for depression and social anxiety. He hasn't worked in all this time.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi New York, There is no need for shame here; no one's done anything wrong! A pregnancy is a glorious gift to be celebrated. I wonder what gets in the way of you celebrating your daughter's pregnancy? Are they excited about it? I bet they are. They've been together for seven years. Even if it caught them off guard, the best thing for them and this new baby is to celebrate the joy of this new little person and their growing family. If you are happy for them and help spread their joy, how marvelous would that be for them as a family?New York, I will be honest with you; I hope that's okay. I sense that maybe you are feeling judgemental towards them. Do you dislike or judge his struggle with mental illness? Do you see him as less than worthy because he hasn't worked? I don't know for sure, but I imagine maybe his anxiety and depression get in the way of working. Maybe he's on a social disability? Mental illness doesn't make someone less lovable or valuable as a partner. He's getting help for himself and that's wonderful. If your daughter loves him and is happy with him... If he is her chosen man, then they absolutely need your support, not your judgement. And if they struggle as a couple, you know what...they will need it even more!Is this your first grandchild? If not, then I don't have to say this, but if it is...you are in for the most amazing adventure of your lifetime. You will fall in love so deeply with this child. S/he needs that...this baby needs your love and support.So, you say to your family... "I have amazing news! My daughter is expecting a baby! I'm going to be a grandparent!! I can't wait".
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I atone for being cowardly?
I panicked over a minor parking lot mistake. It was totally my fault, but due to another insurance issue, I left a note with an illegible phone number. Guilty over this, I got an envelope containing several hundred dollars. Unfortunately, by the time I returned, the other driver had seen my ersatz note and drove away. Since I cannot make this up to that individual, how do I atone for my cowardly act? I have been trying to do random acts of kindness in hopes that karma will somehow even out.

Answer (from Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT):
Thanks for sharing as it shows your humanity and that you have a sensitive conscience. In your example here I'd encourage you to always think, "safety first"; and never offer a stranger at the accident scene "...several hundred dollars". Why? Because it could go badly against you (i.e. extortion, robbed, or would this be considered a bribe).   To the point, I'm reminded of Steps Eight and Nine in many 12-step programs regarding making amends. In your specific example since the injured unidentified party departed, and by your own admission you've been doing random acts of kindness, it seems to me you've acted in reasonable good faith fashion to make amends. Well done.   I'm not a karma expert but as a therapist I would invite you to explore the deeper story behind your use of the words "cowardly", "guilty", and what it does for you to engage in "random acts of kindness". What a fascinating journey this could be for you. Best wishes.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I get my fiancé to notice me again?
My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Your situation sounds a little painful.Have you brought up any of these topics for discussion with your fiancé?Now is a good time for finding out if and how your future husband is interested and addresses the way you are feeling.Until the two of you open up what bothers you, all you or anyone who talks to you about the situation, can do is take guesses as to what is driving your finance's behaviors.Also, in the moment of when your fiancé texts you words you find surprising or startling, you can tell him this.   Maybe by being clear and truthful about how what he writes affects you, then next time he will change what he tells you.And if he doesn't, then you know that you explained yourself, he had this information about you and that , he isn't that willing to consider what you told him. Really, the best first step is to open up all the topics you wrote about here, with him.  This way you'll give each of you to discuss how to care about one another in a meaningful way.
Topic: parenting

Question: Should I take my daughter to therapy?
My daughter didn't see her biological father for the last three years. She doesn’t want to see him because she remember really bad things from him such as domestic violence and child abuse. The visitation is with supervision, but she refuses to see him. Is it better to take my daughter to the therapist and try to see him after the therapy?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Dillon,I'm from Canada, so I don't know the laws in your state. It depends on that a good deal, perhaps. In my opinion, a child should never be forced into a situation where they feel unsafe, even if it is "supervised". If the child is old enough to make a strong statement about not wanting to see a parent, then this should be honoured. Unfortunately, the laws don't always uphold a parent's right to do what is best for their child. I recommend you see a lawyer, who will advise you about how to proceed without putting yourself at risk of breaching custody agreements.If you feel your daughter can benefit from therapy, that is a separate question. Or is she already in therapy? A family therapist will typically meet with you alone first, in order to determine if therapy is a wise move for your child. It isn't always appropriate.
Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: I just lost my grandpa
I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it.    I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

Answer (from Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!):
Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.  Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.  Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.  Your grandfather would not want that for you.  Take extra good care of yourself and get some support
Topic: parenting

Question: How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?
My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?

Answer (from Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCCRecovery and Wellness Expertise):
You're in a difficult situation and on behalf of you and your child, I commend you for trying to find the right thing to do.Short version: your child needs you as much as possible. period. Always. We used to think that children were almost always harmed by divorce, unless there was extreme conflict or violence. More recent data shows that children are not necessarily harmed by divorce if they keep both their parents. In other words, the damaging part is losing half of themselves and losing the value of being connected to everyone who loves them, especially the other parent, in addition to the extra benefit there is from the other parent's perspective, strengths and so on. The best thing for your child is for you to be available and loving and doing everything possible to allow the child to be whole - a person who incorporates BOTH parents. It's a tragedy for everyone to use a child to achieve adult aims, like getting back at a former spouse. In such a circumstance, your child needs you more than ever. If you and your wife have different rules and so on, your child will learn to adjust and adapt, just as they would if you remained in the household. A child quickly learns that they talk to mom about x,y,z or get away with whatever, but has different rules with dad. He/she will not be too confused in the long run. Please stay the course in dealing with a difficult ex-wife for you and your child's wellbeing. Best of luck to all.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Lisa JonesLicensed Professional Counselor ):
As a  Parent it can be very hard to see your child struggling. It sounds like they’re experiencing anxiety from their stress. It’s always a good idea to check in with your family doctor. Many children are experiencing anxiety and can benefit from individual counseling services to help them cope with their stress. School pressures and academic achievements  can you create physical stress responses in the body. Seeing a counselor can also help you as the mom or dad have available tools to provide Continued support. It sounds like you are a great support for them and helping them connect to their resources.
Topic: relationships

Question: Why is it hard for me to express myself?
I don't know how to tell someone how I feel about them. How can I get better at expressing how I feel?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
"Practice makes perfect"!Simply by expressing yourself and listening to if others listen and understand you, then modifying your next try with whatever improvements you think of based on the impressions you feel others have of you, will progress your self-expression.Also, one way to lessen the tension before speaking to someone is to tell them you feel unsure on how best to express yourself.  This way you've prepared them to be patient with whatever words you do state.
Topic: parenting

Question: My son plays alone at recess
Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?

Answer (from Cory Ian Shafer LPCPsychotherapist, Jungian, Hypnotherapy):
Humans are social creatures so this can be an alarming thing for a parent to deal with, just like adults children are not the same and some children are more social than others, if he plays alone at recess (all the time) it would worry myself as well, however recess is only one domain of life, does he have friends outside of school or daycare? Does he socialize in other situations or is it just at recess where this occurs? If this is a global problem occurring at other social times it may be indicative of something deeper going on, if perhaps it is occurring "just during recess" it could be something else altogether. I would request reports from all teachers and caregivers concerning socialization and make a choice on whether or not to evaluate further.Hope this helps,C
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How can I concentrate?
I can't understand what I pay attention to.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
One way to concentrate is that if your mind starts to wonder then remind yourself to bring your attention back.Start with short time spans of expecting yourself to concentrate.  You'll more likely succeed with concentrating with small time spans than longer ones.Once you start seeing your success, this will motivate you to try increasing the length to expect yourself to concentrate.The task of self-reminding is the same, whether for long or short time periods.Also, before starting this exercise ask your medical doctor if the problem can be related to a physical health problem.If there is, then have the possibility ruled out that your difficulty concentrating comes from the mental ability to concentrate, and not some medical reason preventing this.Before someone can engage their psychological will there must be a clean medical body and mind with which to work.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my girlfriend?
My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.

Answer (from Earl LewisRelationship Expert):
You should start by speaking with her about what has her so down. Have their been some significant events in her life that have affected her? Have their been significant events in your relationship that can be affecting  you both? If she just stopped drinking, she may be struggling to finding an alternative and healthier behavior. This is something the two of you can explore together. Also, if need be perhaps she can speak to a therapist to discuss her feelings about quitting alcohol. It sounds like you really care and right now she could use all the support she can get despite her pushing you away.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get over my depression and grief?
My dad passed away when I was a teenager. I never got any help, and five years later, I feel like I can't handle it anymore.

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
It's never to late to get help with grief.  Get help as soon as possible before you are feeling the same way 5 years from now.  You will always miss your Dad but getting help with coping with his loss will make life easier to live.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Jennifer GerlachYour Story Matters):
That is intense. Depression is a liar. Sometimes depression places these glasses over our eyes, these dark sunglasses that change how we see things. Depression tells us things like "you're worthless" "no one likes you" "don't worry about doing anything." And it is so easy for us to listen and to be tricked into thinking that just because we feel something means it is true. Please know that even if you are feeling worthless right now, that doesn't mean you are worthless.The first step to working through this is recognizing what is going on. Recognizing when depression is telling you the same story (ie; being worthless) with different words (ie worthless here, worthless there) and making an effort to talk back. While I can not give you a diagnosis of depression, reading what you are going through, it sounds like you might need help to get back on track. Seeing a counselor can open an entirely new option up wherein someone who is not involved in your life can help you without judgement and with an objective perspective. This can do wonders in unwrapping these kinds of thoughts. Wishing you the absolute best!
Topic: diagnosis

Question: How do therapists characterize personality types?
How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view.

Answer (from Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"):
Not very well :)So, you got the Jungians, and you got the Big Fiver's, and you got every manner of Ivory-Tower Orc in between, loosening the chains on their drooling, snarling Pet Theories...The real truth is, does it matter?  If it does, what does it matter?If it's still of keen interest to you, I would presume that God designed most of his creatures with a "simpler set" of personality blueprints; not a complex set as theorized by man;Also realize that this level of reality is dualistic in nature; that means there is two of everything;So, imagine that whatever personalities you observe, and whatever words come to mind, also think of the opposite word, and you'll have a good sense of what actual personalities look like :)Then, share your findings; it'll be pretty neat to see what you come up with.
Topic: marriage

Question: Can my marriage be saved?
My husband and I have been together since high school. We have been married going on for nearly ten years, and we have three beautiful children. A few weeks ago, my husband decided he need some time apart and moved over to his dad’s for a while. He comes home to see the kids and acts like there is not too much wrong. Can this marriage be saved or is it too late? He said he would go to counseling, so I don't think he has given up.

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
While it would be impossible for me to say whether your marriage can be saved it sounds like you are both willing to give it a try and to get professional support. With appropriate professional support for your relationship a lot is possible. I'm not familiar with the resources available in Jackson but I'm sure there are some good local couple therapists and there may be some agencies that specialize in couple counselling and family therapy. So often the challenges that we have in relationships result from rather small habits in relating that lead to greater feelings of distress, loneliness, anger and resentment. I commend your willingness to put effort into creating the strong loving relationship that you want for both of your sakes and of course for your children. The following links provides more information regarding common behaviours that predict staying together or separating and also videos and other resources that can help you get started. Wishing you and your family all the best on your journey of healing and discovery.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How does counseling end?
How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
This is a question that is very specific to each person. There are definitely some variables, but I can give you some general ideas for when counseling might end:When a client has met all of their goals, at least to a degree when they feel that they no longer need to work on them with the assistance of a counselorSometimes a decision is made that a client is no longer benefiting from counseling at a certain timeSometimes clients have to remain in counseling in order to receive medication. This depends on agency policy, but sometimes it is a requirement. If the medication is necessary and cannot be prescribed by a primary care physician, frequency of sessions is usually decreased greatlyI'm not sure why you are asking this question, but it is also something that is often discussed at the beginning of treatment. Oftentimes "discharge goals" change as treatment progresses because more is known about clients, their goals, changes in their goals, and many other things. Changes are normal, but your counselor probably has discharge goals in mind, at least generally, from the beginning. I strongly encourage you to ask about it!
Topic: intimacy

Question: I cheated on my partner, and I don't know how to feel
I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
I don't think there's anything that you're supposed to feel. Some people feel tremendously guilty when they cheat, and others not at all. It could be that your partner doesn't know about the cheating and you haven't had to face his/her emotions and reactions. When something we do is hidden...a secret...it's easier to avoid feeling guilty. I wonder if you're avoiding your own emotions. But let's put that question aside for now. There are better questions.What do you want? Do you want your marriage? If not, this may be why you don't feel guilty. Do you want to be able to sleep with your friend? It's unlikely that both are possible (keeping the marriage and the affair). Yes, you get to do whatever you want with your body...and...there may be consequences. Affairs almost always get discovered. Who do you want to be? What kind of partner do you want to be? What might your partner feel if they knew? How might you feel then? Would you care? Has something happened that's affected how much you care about your partner?I suggest that these other questions might be a place to start. Exploring it with a therapist is something to consider maybe. I wish you the best as you sort it out. :)
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Ashley "Ashton" BernalRenewed Hope Counseling):
Being a parent is hard. Finding the balance between nurturing and guidance can be a difficult thing to do. I find that most of us seek validation and sometimes that can be the most helpful thing when experiencing stress and anxiety. Saying something like "Gosh, it sounds like XYZ is really difficult to take on, I can't imagine what that is like for you." Allowing the space for your child to communicate their thoughts and feelings, seeking clarity and understanding can go miles in your daughter feeling heard and understood. Seeking professional help is also a good option. Therapy allows your child the space to work through, process, and find solutions to many of the struggles they are having. Because as we all know, being a kid is hard!
Topic: depression

Question: How do I overcome my anxierty and depression?
I’m facing severe depression and anxiety and I just feel like I’m going through a lot. This really distracts me and I cant get my mind off the things that are bothering me.    How do I overcome this anxierty and depression?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
Sending your some positive calming vibes ✨🙌 first get  a check up with your provider to see if there are any under lining medical issues ....hormone tests, blood tests, cat scans etc....  then when you are ready and referred start talk therapy. If you want to bypass that then do talk therapy or chat.    I have services online that you can signup and it is private but it does cost to do so.