thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: spirituality

Question: I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?
Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Answer (from Charles LucasHealthFit Counseling: Solutions for Change):
Thanks for posting.  This is a significant issue for many people and can make us feel helpless; among other emotions due to the uncertainty.  You said that, at times, you feel like everyone is lying. Ask yourself some of these questions.  What is it that makes you feel so strongly that they are lying?  Where is the concrete evidence that they are lying? How could I test my thoughts about this? What if things are not what they seem on the surface? Am I any lesser of a person as a result of this person's behavior or opinion?  Our beliefs about ourselves and the people and our world  and how we interpret information and experiences have a significant effect on how we feel and how we behave.  It is important to objectively challenge the beliefs that contribute to negative emotions.  You can start this process by answering some of the above questions.  We are unfortunately influenced by what and who we associate with.  As it pertains to if God is a lie; be honest with yourself and question your beliefs that tell you that God is or is not real.  It may be helpful for you to speak to a preacher or chaplain of some sort and they can help you with a lot of that.  Hope this helps at least a little bit.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I am very self conscious about my body
On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs. I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest.    How do I fix this?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
I get how you feel; you wish your body looked different and you're embarrassed that you tried to make it look different and people may notice. You don't say how old you are. It's likely that, if you are young, your body will change as you mature, but in general, we're given the bodies we're given and I'm glad to see that there may be a desire in you to accept your body the way it is. You seem to want to stop disguising it. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and every woman knows how it feels to struggle with accepting what her's looks like. Many men go through this as well, although women are more often targeted with cultural messages about how we're supposed to look. Young people often believe that others are noticing and judging them. In fact, other people are far more preoccupied with who might be judging them than whatever's going on with you. I suggest you wear whatever bra you want to wear, and if someone is rude enough to comment on it, you can ignore them and talk about the weather or the latest pop song that you love and they'll get the hint. But my bet is they won't even notice. :)
Topic: parenting

Question: I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore
I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it.
   I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

Answer (from Gwendolyn Nelson-Terrywww.GwendolynNelsonTerry.com):
I am so sorry this is happening to you.  One thought I have is for you to create a mantra or a soothing statement to say over and over to yourself as you are being bombarded with this negativity and abuse.  For example you could say "Living here is temporarily, one day I will have my own place".  Or you could say something like "I am a good person, I am a good parent, and I always try to do the best I can".  Saying this over and over to yourself as you are listening to your parents will help you to tune out some of their words but it will also start to build more positive neural connections and start to wire your brain to build and/or strengthen your self esteem.  Focus on the temporary nature of your situation, start making plans for leaving the situation.  If you are under 18 and can't leave because you are in school, now is a good time to start planning for when you can leave.  That when when the opportunity is available you know how you will get a job, how you will find an apartment, who will provide daycare.   This will make the transition out of your parents home much easier and it will give you something to look forward to while you are in their home.  Take care!
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away?
My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.

Answer (from Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting):
Hello! Thank you for your question. I have a worked with many people who have become addicted to benzodiazepines, like Clonazepam. It is a difficult road for people who are trying to become clean. It is also a very difficult road for those who love the person and are trying to be supportive. During those times, it is important to remember to take care of yourself, too. As for taking your friend's pills, my concern would be the legal ramifications that you could face should you ever be caught with someone else's prescription medication, and especially these types of medications. Our laws have become much more strict surrounding prescription drug sales and possession due to the increase in prescription drug abuse. In addition, people who are in active addiction are likely to find some other means to get their drug, so it would do little to help the overall problem. I don't know about your friend's family situation, but they may be a better route to take if you are concerned about your friend. They may already be involved, but with your help you may be able to convince your friend to go to treatment willingly. That is usually better. In many states, there are also involuntary committal processes where a person's family may be able to convince a court to force the person into treatment. This varies from state to state. If your friend's family is not aware of this option, it may be something to look into. It usually does take a relative, or a medical provider, to begin this process if it is available. I hope this was helpful, and I wish you and your friend well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Topic: relationships

Question: Dealing with an unfaithful and judgmental significant other
I have been with this guy on and off for 8 years. At first, we used to do things together and our sex life was ok. Then things started to change, we'd break up and reconnect, and he cheated on me numerous times. We've also had two beautiful baby girls during this time. Now we argue and he says I am not affectionate at all or I don't know how to please a man, when I work part-time, take care of a 2 year old and a 5 month old and cook. Sometimes he cooks, but he also spends a lot of time on the internet. In addition, I have 2 boys and he has 1 son. I feel somewhere I have lost something. It's not that I don’t care, I truly love this guy, but I'm just tired of being the one who is always being judged. Please, I am in need of a Christian counselor to help us because I really need to speak to someone.

Answer (from Rebecca DuellmanMA, Applied Psychology, Specializing in Forensic Psychology issues.):
I don't think you’ve lost something, I think you’ve found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to someone. The fact that you’ve put up with his repeated cheating and then letting him blame you for it (by saying you're not affectionate enough, etc.), tells me you probably have low self-esteem and have likely told yourself over the years that you don't deserve any better. You do! You may truly love this guy, but based on his behaviors, he does not love you, not in the way you deserve.  And although you may want to believe he can change, he has proved over and over again that he's not willing to, so you need to do what is best for you and your children. What would you tell your daughters if someone was treating them this way? Would you want your sons to treat women this way? That's what you're teaching your children when they see this.Like I said, I agree that you should talk to someone. You can ask your boyfriend to go too, but my guess is he won't. Even if he does, you should still see someone individually to work on YOU. I understand it's not easy to just kick him out, especially since you have children together, but a counselor can help you talk through all the details while helping you raise your self-esteem and self-worth.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?
My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

Answer (from Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.):
There are many different ways that can be approached in your situation.1. I would recommend a complete medical examination including blood test. i would want to know if there are any medical issues in your low sex drive.2. Where is your husband in this situation? Is he resentful, accepting, demanding or neutral?3. What is your past sexual history? has this had an affect on your current issue?4.Has there been problems in your past with abuse of any kind?5. Understand that intimacy is more than sex. What other ways can you be close to your spouse?6. It sounds like there is some confusion about sexual intimacy from both of you.Couples counseling would be a great place to start. All of these areas need to be explored before any treatment goals can be established.You need to talk with a professional counselor to explore how to better connect with your spouse.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I cope and rebuild my life after ending an 11 year abusive marriage?
I am going through a divorce from a narcissistic sociopath who left me for another woman after mentally and emotionally abusing me for 11 years. I have moved to a different state and after giving up my successful business am working as a server at a restaurant. I’m coping as best as I can. Is it normal and healthy to not adapt as quickly and be as strong as I think I should be? I am astounded at his cruelty and how much he doesn't care, as well as most other people in my life. I feel like I don't exist to anyone anymore as there is no contact from anyone who I thought cared about me. My brother just said no to lending me a few hundred dollars for me to live on. I am losing faith in humanity itself.

Answer (from Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist):
I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you. This tells me that you didn’t have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you. Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they can’t do any better. Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get. The way I see it, he did you a favor. You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be. Take this time alone to work on you. As hurtful as it may be that other people don’t want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you. Your statement “I don’t feel like I exist anymore” tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also don’t have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are. People can and will let you down. It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self. Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it. Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily. Google “positive affirmations” to find some that resonate with you. Such statements might be “I am a good person who deserves to be happy” or “I can do this.” Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well. There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing. When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them. Good luck with rebuilding your life. I know it is hard! Remember to take it one day at a time.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?
I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.    How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Normalizing cross-dressing and being open about who you are.  Consider if this could be a deal-breaker , which would encompass considering if you want to be with someone who does not accept you for all you are? Also explain your personal reasons and the possible reasons many others crossdress, how it is not always for sexual stimulation.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Christina McGrath Fair"Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean." -Thich Nhat Hanh):
It sounds like you may be putting yourself last. You wrote that you want to fix your issues but never get around to it. I wonder how you are spending your mental and physical energy. Are you spending time taking care of and doing for others? I also wonder where the thoughts and feelings of being worthless are coming from - are you around people who treat you poorly or are hurtful? Or do you feel it is more of a worry you have but aren't really sure how others feel? It may be helpful to talk to someone about your feelings - a counselor perhaps - to clarify your feelings and move forward from se that are hurting you.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt?
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer (from Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting):
Hello, and thank you for your question. This is a very serious time. I don't mean to frighten you, but you are right to be concerned. The time right after people leave the hospital after receiving psychiatric services is a time of high risk for suicide. It is very important, after hospitalization, to get follow-up care with a professional as soon as possible. If your husband has an established therapist, this is the time to call. It is also a good time to alert your support system of friends, family, clergy or others to let them know he is still struggling. This is good support for him AND you.It is important to think about means and opportunity to make another attempt. Means really do matter.  So, if you have a firearm in the home, it is really important to remove it. You can't remove all things that a person may hurt themselves with, but some things are more lethal than others. Firearms are very lethal. I am not sure what means he used last time, but try to reduce the opportunity for him to access it again. This is where your support system can help out. People can take turns hanging out with him until you are sure the crisis is over.If you believe that an attempt is going to occur, talk to your husband about going back to the hospital. If he refuses, you will want to find out what your options are to have him go even if he doesn't want to. I know the thought of that really hurts, but it can save his life. Calling 9-1-1 is always a good option if you are not sure. Usually a suicide crisis, meaning they want to harm themselves right now, lasts a few minutes, hours or days. Sometimes when you get them through the crisis stage, they no longer want to commit suicide. But, as you are indicating, that feeling of wanting to commit suicide can come back again. So, it is always good to have a plan. If you want more information, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They will always answer: 1-800-273-8255. They can help you create a specific safety plan. I do hope things work out alright. Be well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

Answer (from Renelle NelsonHelping you create a Pleasurable lifestyle in and out the bedroom.):
HelloYes many couples have survived infidelity. How sincere is he with wanting to work it out?That means alot in recovery. The key is to understand that cheating is a choice. Please don't take the betrayal personal.Look at the foundation of the relationship.  Is there cracks that can be healed? How do you feel about betrayal? Honest communication is the key to healing. Never assume monogamy discuss it. No one can tell you if you should stay or go. That is a very personal decision. Start by setting up face to face time to discuss the affair and emotions.  If this may be hard please get a counselor or therapist that can meditate this journey. Just remember even if you decide to leave you still need support to heal. Just because you leave the situation,  the trauma still exists.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Natalie Moore | Holistic Therapy🛋 For creative, ambitious millennials):
I want to assure you that there is no such thing as having too many issues for counseling.When you decide to see a therapist, make sure to find someone who has expertise in each of these problem areas you mentioned. In your first therapy appointment, they will take a history of everything you just shared and more to help you determine goals for treatment.You and your therapist will agree upon how often you’ll meet to get started working toward those goals. You and your therapist will likely prioritize what to focus on first to help you get the most benefit from therapy as quickly as possible. Then, as you meet therapy goals, you will likely move on to others.If it seems daunting or overwhelming, keep in mind that as you work on your trauma history, for example, you may notice that anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues improve. And as you work on psychological issues, your physical issues — like insomnia — may decrease.Lastly, it sounds like you have a loving, supportive partner, which is a mental health protective factor and a possible determinant of a more successful therapy outcome. It’s never too late to get started improving your mental wellness. I hope you reach out soon and get the support you so deserve.
Topic: legal-regulatory

Question: Is it a normal practice for a team of doctors who are connected by state or profession to discontinue your treatment?
They discontinued treatment for no apparent reason after they thought to diagnose me with schizophrenia.

Answer (from Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor):
The general rule against medical abandonment says thst whenever healthcare providers discontinue treatment with you when you still need it, they are legally required to make sure that you have access to another provider of equal or higher ability.In this case, if your treatment team decided to discontinue your treatment based on a diagnosis of schizophrenia, they still will likely be required to provide you with a referral to someone who can provide you with treatment. If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend that you explicitly ask for a referral.
Topic: relationships

Question: I want to become a better man
I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together?

Answer (from Steve McCready):
Hard to say a whole lot without knowing more. However, if you focus your attention on her, what she's saying, what she's feeling instead of trying to make yourself heard and understood first, that's often a good step. Also, work on building win-win agreements with her, and follow through on them. Those are the areas I see men fall short on most often. Hope that helps!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Lauren BurokerI use a systems based approach - that means I help you figure out how you impact others and how they impact you!):
Therapy often brings up big emotions - and generally ones that we may have been pushing down for a long time! Crying is one of the ways that our body deals with a sudden change in emotions. It's a bodily function just like any other. There's no "normal" way to be in therapy, but crying is a frequent occurrence in the office; it's why most therapists have a tissue box close to where you sit!