thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: I think I have a fetish that might be getting out of control
I've developed a really intense and unexpected attraction to An actress after seeing her in a ballet uniform while guest starring on a television show. I try, but I can't get her out of my mind. What should I do?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Why not make good use of your unexpected attraction to study the features you consider attractive in someone.Attraction based on physicality is normal.  As long as you have no negative thoughts of doing harm to the person or yourself which are connected to the attraction you feel, and so long as your attraction isn't stopping you from doing your daily life responsibilities such as work, to take care of your daily needs and any responsibilities you have for other people, then eventually it will lose its power on you.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I make my relationship with my girlfriend better?
She's busy because her mom makes her clean all the time and go out places with her family. We don't talk much because of it. Also, we have little fights. We want to work it out but we don't know how.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Maybe your girlfriend feels torn in her emotions between loyalty toward her family and toward investing herself in a relationship.There are so many "maybes", that the best way to strengthen your relationship is to ask your girlfriend if she feels any pressure from her family to avoid involving herself with you.If the answer is "no", then continue to talk with each other as to what would make you each feel more secure with one another.Also, more simply, are the  two of you able to resolve the "little fights"?Differences of opinion are normal between two people, even to the point of each person feeling they are the only one who knows the correct answer.As long as each one of you has the goodwill to give a little, then the fights are a healthy way to respect and care about each other.If the fights are about the same topic which repeats itself, then there are strong differences between the two of you, including the possibility that her family places and she is willing to accept, some obstacle to this relationship.
Topic: marriage

Question: How do I get my husband to listen to me?
I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.    How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?

Answer (from Gayle WeillSpecializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR):
One of the keys to a successful and loving marriage is respectful communication. Have you talked to your husband about this in a calm and respectful way? You would have to bring this to his attention in a way that doesn’t put him on the defensive because it could very well be that he doesn’t realize he is doing this. An idea of how you could bring this up to him is by letting him know that you love him so much and you are sure that he probably doesn’t do this intentionally but you’ve been feeling unheard when you tell him things. See what he says after you let him know this. Couples therapy could also help you both very much with issues like this that come up.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
First of all, having these thoughts and feelings does not mean there is something wrong with you.  It's very normal to worry about social relationships and how others see us because we need other people in our lives to survive and thrive.It sounds like you may have some social anxiety, which is very workable and treatable.  Rumination is a common way the brain attempts to deal with the worry that stems from social anxiety, though not effectively.  One way we ruminate is to try to excessively plan out what we will say and how we will act in social situations that may never even occur, which ultimately ends in a lot of unneeded psychological pain and stress.One way to cope with those thoughts is to write about the worries you have.  When we write, it forces us to slow down the thought process, which can allow for more clarity and other information to come through about our experiences.  Another benefit for this is to externalize the thoughts and feelings you are having; this can really help to organize your thoughts and feelings as well as put them outside of the mind.Seeing a counselor may be helpful as well.  They can help sort through your anxieties and the underlying reasons why they may exist.  They can also help with individualized coping strategies and tasks that will fit for your personal needs.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How does counseling end?
How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

Answer (from Jill Barnett KaufmanPsychotherapist):
There are several reasons for a counselor to decide to end counseling.  A major reason to end counseling is if the counselor feels that he or she does not have the skills or experience to work with the client.  This may happen during the intake process or after working with the client for some time.  If the clinician feels that the client is not benefitting from the therapy, it is ethical to suggest that the client terminate the therapy.  The process of termination must not injure the client and, if necessary, the clinician may need to refer the client to other treatment modalities.  Another reason to terminate working with a client is if the client needs a higher level of care.  If the client has a crisis or is at risk of hurting himself or someone else, he or she may need a higher level of care.  In this circumstance, the clinician may need to involve outside services such as a crisis unit.  A third reason to terminate with a client is if the clinician feels that he or she cannot remain professional with the client relationship.  For example, if the issues that the client is working on bring up something significant for the clinician and the clinician feels that he is unable to separate that from the professional relationship.  In this instance, the clinician should refer the client to another therapist.  Finally, if the client has reached her goals for therapy and no longer needs treatment, the clinician and client should terminate treatment.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My husband only has sex with me once a month or less
I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

Answer (from Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT):
Feeling rejected and frustrated is a reasonable reaction to your experience with your husband. I want to encourage you that his actions may have little to do with you, and regardless of outcomes, I hope you find the help you need to process through your pain and still have hope for your marriage.   If your husband was to work with me I'd explore with him his understanding of, and experience with, intimacy in relationship with others. Furthermore, like other male clients of mine, I'd challenge your husband to secure an updated full medical exam from his PCP (primary care physician) and/or urologist in order to identify or rule out any organic issues which may be causing his apparent lack of desire for sexual intimacy. If there are no physical issues, per se, I would encourage your husband to process further his family of origin story-line regarding rules, roles, sex, and sexuality along with working through his sexual and trauma histories.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What's the best way to handle my spouse's narcissism and bipolar disorder?
He is always telling me our fights are only and all my fault, he bashes me to our young child, and he is addicted to a few substances.

Answer (from Catherine Misita):
The behaviors you describe are boundary violations.  You can not change your spouse, but you can respond to his behaviors in ways that protect your boundaries and ensure your safety.  This is very hard to do without support.  Finding a therapist who understands the dynamics of abusive relationships may be helpful.  If you are not ready to do this, I recommend the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  It's a great resource for helping one recognize boundary violations and learning how to respond to them in ways that are constructive!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from RUTH SANTOS HOWETrained Telemental Health Provider):
I think the most important to be the right therapist to you, is being able to make the click. It means to combine my years of education and training with my personal experiences, and how those could help you to figure it out your exploration about yourself, help you process them in the way that you may be able to learn how to deal with life's difficulties. On the other side, that would be important in your process, is that you can trust in me as one who has been learning for my own process of life. Also, I have been in your place as a counselee, and I know how important is to get help. I was once divorced and I understand the pain of loss. I was a victim of domestic violence and I am a survivor. I am multicultural, I am multiracial married, I am a mother of adult children, I understand the development process from the cradle to the marriage, and have watched them grow in their careers. I have values and principles rooted in the knowledge of divine wisdom and that life has much more meaning when we live a mindfulness life.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer (from Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!):
There is some great advice here that can really help, but you need some direct support.  Please find a caregiver support organization, a grief group and an individual therapist to help you during this trying time.  Your mom may not know what she is saying, or mean the awful things she says, but that doesn't make it hurt less.  Please take care of yourself and gt some help!
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How do I cope with "never being good enough?"
I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from.  Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas?

Answer (from Amelia Mora MarsHi, I'm Amelia. I help overwhelmed, stressed out teen girls and women find peace again.):
Hi, I'm Amelia! Oh, this is a common problem, unfortunately! Let me say first of all, that doing more, giving more, loving more, performing more will never provide you with a sense of worth. Nor will it satisfy those that are critical and judgmental. I am so sorry to hear that this is what you've heard all your life! You are a human BEING not a human DOING.If you can get yourself in counseling with a trusted therapist who will accept you, encourage you, hear you and support you, you can begin to work on what truth worth is.  My best to you!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Josh KellarLicensed Marriage and Family Therapist):
Not just you but everyone is different. Some people need to cry and others don’t.
Topic: parenting

Question: Does my daughter have a mental disability?
My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

Answer (from Mindy RossWe get there together one step at a time.):
There could be a number of things going on here. For instance, have her eyes been checked by an optometrist? She might just not like writing or coloring. She could be rushing through assignments so that she can spend time with friends, play games, or do something else. She might need some extra help with fine motor skills. What are her grades like? Does she rush through other things like cleaning her room or getting ready for bed?
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Ronica ClarkYou have questions I'm willing to try to give an answer):
You can make a pro relationship and con relationship list about if this person promote happiness or headaches in your life.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I convince my mother I have anxiety and panic attacks?
I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
How old are you?Are you old enough in your State to have therapy without your mother's consent?Your mom's attitude toward you may be one significant reason on why you feels so much tension in the first place.Don't let her opinions and beliefs get in the way of what you know about yourself.Are you in school and does that school have a guidance counselor?Would you talk with that person about your difficult getting your mom to retain helping services for you?Keep looking for local resources which will support you either directly or indirectly by advocating for your right to receive mental health care.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
That you are thinking of ending it is a partial clue as to how you feel. Another suggestion is to weigh the pros and cons of staying vs leaving the relationship. You can also make a list of your ideal partner and see how much of that he matches.   This video could also be of great help ▶ Why You Can't Leave The Relationship
Topic: depression

Question: How can I feel so empty even though I'm only in my early teens?
My life is completely normal, yet I feel empty inside. I feel as if I already know why I'm alive: to reproduce and die.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Are there any times or moments in which you feel other than "empty"?  Start with knowing the context of when you feel something other than empty.If there is no recent example, then in your mind, go back in time to think of when you felt something other than empty.  Recall what you liked about this time, whether you were by yourself or with others, what type of activity you were involved at the time of non-emptiness.How did you come to your conclusion that your life purpose is to reproduce and die?  If this is what your parents, siblings and extended family believe, it is possible that you have a broader view of yourself and haven't yet uncovered a way of defining your own philosophy of living.Give yourself the time to browse around online, or in person social meet ups, on your interests.  It is possible you will discover entire new areas of life and ways of considering life, that are brand new to you and which connect to your true self.This is one way of respecting your individuality, which of itself, may decrease your sense of emptiness.
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I be less insecure and needy with my girlfriend?
I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
How did you come to the conclusion that you are acting needy?Is this what your partner told you or are you feeling this way about yourself?The difference is that what you'd like from a relationship may be very reasonable, only that your partner is not someone who wants to meet your needs.One way of evaluating whether you're actually needy is whether you feel that you give yourself love, take good care of yourself when you're in situations that are not connected to being part of a couple.If being by yourself feels uneasy most of the time, then probably practicing self-love, consciously treating yourself with consideration and thoughtfulness, may help you feel less needy of others.This way, when you're with a partner, the time together will be in enjoying the partner, not getting love because of not figuring out a way of giving love to yourself.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Joshua WeinrebCognitive Behavioral & Mindfulness Based Counselor):
Of course not. Counseling is a process, whereby you and your therapist will help you create goals- starting with issues that are most pressing and interfering with your daily functioning. When anxiety and daily stress is more manageable then you and your therapist can examine more deep rooted or more chronic issues.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How can I detach from my psychopathic boyfriend of seven years?
I Googled “chronic lying” and found several websites describing what behaviors both he and I have been experiencing. Both of us agree we have an uncanny, unbreakable bond. He’s been unfaithful many times, while he remains my only intimate mate. How can I learn to detach from him as he is not going to change?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
First step is to detach, then learn about it.An attachment to a pathological liar, or to someone who is psychopathic, is based on insecurity, fear, or a sense to rescue someone, or of pity.   None of these attachment methods are healthy for human growth for either of you.  He lies to you and this is clearly not usual in relationships which truly are intimate.   Someone who lies is not trustworthy and without trust there is also no intimacy.The type of attachment between you and this person is not discussable in reasonable terms.   The bond is strong and irrational.Once you have separated from this person you'll have more freedom to know within yourself of what kept the relationship going for seven years.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: I'm scared to tell my family that I'm bisexual
My parents seem okay with other sexualities, but normally they only talk about being gay. When they do talk about bisexuality, they say things like “they'll do anything” or things that make me very uncomfortable because I am bisexual. I don't know if I am ready to come out to them.

Answer (from Nakisia McDanielTrauma Professional):
Perhaps you are not ready to come out to your parents.  Often times our readiness is not dependent on what others' will say or how they react. But more so dependent on how emotionally prepared we are to deal with others' reactions.  It may be beneficial for you to play out each possible scenario and conclusion (eg. your parents being supportive vs. your parents being disappointed and so on). How are you prepared to deal with the outcome?  You may also seek help through counselors, support groups and/or individuals you know that have dealt with similar situations to help you prepare to discuss this with your parents.  All the best!
Topic: depression

Question: Is my depression sabotaging my job search?
I keep feeling paralyzed and unsure during interviews. Previous jobs have fired me for lack of performance, and five employers have rejected me after extensive personality tests and interviews. I'm afraid of continuing because my depression is getting worse. I'm already humiliated working for temp agencies and doubt my self-worth as a provider for my family.

Answer (from Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor):
It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed and stuck between wanting to improve your work situation and worrying that you won't be able to. It is possible that the paralysis, uncertainty, and self-doubt that you describe are contributing to your difficulty in getting  and maintaining a satisfying job as employers generally like to see that a potential employee is confident and can think on his or her feet. With a competent therapist, you may be able to get more understanding of the roots of these feelings and learn how to move forward in your search for a better work life in a way that leaves you feeling confident and capable.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: How do I repair my friendship?
My best friend and I were pranking her friend, and I told her to tell him that she likes him. She said no, but I forced her. After she told him, he told her that he likes her too. Their friendship is ruined because of me. She won't forgive me, and I feel really guilty. I feel like crying.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
In order for your friend to forgive you she'd need to trust you understand the damage you introduced into her relationship with her friend.Its possible if you offer your friend expressions of your empathy toward her  over an extended time, possibly she'll forgive you.You're certainly learning relationship lessons on how to treat people and the effect of betraying another person, which will last forever.Maybe this was meant to be the outcome.