thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Ilse de LeónYou matter!):
Hello, As a counselee I can tell you that I knew I had the right therapist when I felt challenged. Also, when I did the work they gave me and saw growth from it, I knew I was being understood.As a counselor I can tell you that the best work happens when you are willing to be vulnerable, it feels very risky because this is a person you don't know. The fact that they aren't living day to day life with you is actually a good thing because it helps them see your life in a different light, therefor they can give you perspectives that you may have missed. I hope you find the right fit, I encourage you to keep trying until you do!-Sucely
Topic: depression

Question: Is this depression?
I feel like I am internally screaming all the time. Externally, I am calm, but I have this intense, unidentifiable emotion constantly. I don't feel sad. I don't cry a lot. I feel rather emotionally distant other than the internal screaming. It kind of feels like I'm a caged animal.

Answer (from Jenifer FinkelsteinNCC, LPCC 44):
It sounds like you are trying to find a label to help you to understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling.  Sometimes there are no labels for how we feel.  Sometimes there is no name for the emotions that we are experiencing. Regardless, you do not have to continue to feel this way, no matter what you call it.  If you are seeking to experience an internal calmness such as your external calmness, you may want to try some mindfulness practices or meditation.  However, being able to get at the root cause of what you are feeling may be what you need to help you release this feeling for the long term.  I recommend seeking support for this to allow this internal screaming to get some air and begin to breathe.
Topic: parenting

Question: How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?
My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
What are the ways your ex-wife uses your child as a pawn?This answer determines the best ways to handle particular situations.Basically, distinguish that your father relationship to your child lasts has great meaning for your child and as the adult, the responsibility for managing this relationship falls on you.Your relationship to your ex wife took place between two adults and therefore you are only responsible for your own actions to repair the damage done to you.From what you write, you already have a plan in progress to do this by separating yourself as much as possible from contact with the ex.In a way the challenge of keeping active as a parent while also distancing and clearing your emotions of the hurt and betrayal done to you, will establish both a solid relationship with your child and grow more acceptance and self-forgiveness of having been taken advantage of and tricked.
Topic: intimacy

Question: I want to have sexual experiences with adults, male or female
How do I stop those thoughts?

Answer (from Lisa ShouldicePsychotherapist MA, RP, CCP):
The thoughts you are having are just thoughts.  Not actions.  It is your choice whether you act on these thoughts.  If you decide to explore having sex with adults of different genders that is great.  If you find yourself obsessed with sexual thoughts, you may want to see a cognitive-behavioural therapist.  Take care.
Topic: trauma

Question: I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship
I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.
Topic: spirituality

Question: I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion
I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

Answer (from Reanna WaughWaugh's Holistic Wellness Center):
I understand that this must be a difficult time for you with
many adjustments. If you feel comfortable enough to ask your parents to see a
Life Coach or a therapist, this may be an excellent place to start. You don’t
need to tell them the reason why maybe say that you simply need someone to talk
to for support with school or homework etc. The Life Coach or therapist would
be the optimal person to advise you on how to proceed with providing support
and guidance. There may be someone at your school whom you could talk to for
confidential support and guidance as well. Be confident in the fact that you
are not alone and there are always responsible adults available to guide you
through any difficult process you may experience in life. Talking to family
about personal issues can be difficult for anyone, even adults. I recommend
getting help from a trusted, professional adult before you decide what to do.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: What happens in a counseling session?
After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Great question which I imagine many other people have as well.The therapist will want to know your main source of life discomfort.  In what areas are the problem interactions which you hope will disappear?The therapist is trained to listen for your emotions to your story.  And to open these up to you in a kind and safe way so that you'll start to see your circumstance in a new light in which you feel more of your own authority to handle the troubling conditions.The therapist and you will refine your thinking and theories.   The therapist will ask questions to help you prepare for any stumbling blocks along your way of creating your own new answers to the problem you brought to counseling.I hope you'll enjoy learning and creating new thinking and interacting patterns!
Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: I lost my mom, and I feel like I'm depressed
Last year, I just always felt hopeless. I don't have a great relationship with my sister. I lost my mother recently, and that really added to my sadness. My sister always brings up how I was never close to my mother.

Answer (from Genevieve RideoutChristian Counseling for Women ages 20-95):
Wow what a painful journey you have been in for a long time. Death and grief bring up so many painful reminders of relationships--what they could have been, never were, and what was lost. With death of a family member the family often falls apart for a while... or longer. I hope you can find some support for you and your pain that was occurring before your mom's passing. I also hope you can find someone to help you set boundaries with your sister so you can have your time (as long as you need) to heal from losing your mom and then later figure out how to interact with your sister.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How do I tell my elderly mother that I can’t stay for long visits?
My mother has Alzheimer's and I can see that she has lost some of her intellectual abilities. Even though I know this disease is not her fault, I’m still finding it difficult to separate my own feelings of disappointment and frustration when my mom seems to ignore my opinions and wishes, and seems

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Good observation on your part, to distinguish that your feelings in relation to your mom are not necessarily connected to the way she handles her part of the relation toward you.Has your mom usually ignored your opinions and wishes in relating to you?If prior to the onset of Alzheimer's, she never examined her way of relating to you, and if both of you have never had an open conversation about your sense of feeling hurt by her attitudes and manner with you, then the relationship between you and your mom will change in ways other than rational dialogue.She may continue ignoring or overlooking your wishes because she's been stuck in this attitude for most of your life.The good news for you about this is realizing that who you are and your way of relating to your mom, has very little to do with the way she relates to you.This is a more profound disappointment because it shows that her disconnect from you has been for longer than when the Alzheimer's began.You can however, feel a little more free knowing that you're not deserving of being ignored.
Topic: relationships

Question: I have feelings for one of my best friends
I was hanging out with my close guy friend. We started kissing, but afterwards, he said that we should just stay friends because he doesn't want to ruin anything. We both just got out of relationships. His was very sexual. I'm not a sexual person, and he knows that. I want to be with him, but I'm not ready for another relationship, and I don't know if he ever will want to be more than friends.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Given that both you and your friend recently ended your respective romantic relationships, kissing each other sounds like each of you satisfied a very natural need which for right now does not has a natural source of satisfaction.Suddenly being without a partner is difficult because a relationship absorbs and offers much of a person's energy. Stay focused on what you know about yourself, which is that you're not ready for another relationship.From what you describe about your friend, similar to you, he does not feel ready for a new relationship.If and when you feel ready to enter a new relationship and your friend seems attractive, then you'll be in a position to find out, either by approaching your friend as a potential partner, or by asking your question of his interest in you.Who knows?It is possible your friend will feel ready for a new relationship, approach you, and depending on your personal wishes to be or not be with who he has become, accept his offer.Good luck with Step One, becoming familiar with your new state of single hood, and sorting through the good news and bad news of your most recent relationship.
Topic: depression

Question: Is self-diagnosing okay?
I'm currently struggling with diagnosed depression, anxiety, and Misophonia. Also, I am 99% sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I read the DSM-IV, taken college psychology, etc. I know it in my heart I have them. Is self-diagnosing okay with the right research?

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):
One of the ways a diagnosis is helpful has more to do with health providers having a "common language" with which to discuss their patients. Arriving at a diagnosis requires gathering quite a bit of data on an individual which includes observation. I would not recommend self-diagnosing as it could be challenging for an individual to be objective no matter how much research they have done. Further, I do not believe in pathologizing individuals nor would I recommend anyone pathologize themselves.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How do I know if my daughter has bipolar disorder?
My daughter basically freaked out out of nowhere over me saying “calm down” when she dropped her phone. Within seconds, the situation escalated to her kicking me out on the curb, saying horrifically unspeakable things, and her calling the cops on me. She seems unable to stop herself at times.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
This is not necessarily bipolar disorder.Based on the little information you wrote here, the behavior sounds more borderline personality disorder than bipolar.Maybe she simply is angry and impulsive as to how she expresses her anger.During calmer times, are you and your daughter able to talk about incidents such as the one you describe above?And do each of you practice new ways to get along as a result of these conversations?If someone makes good use of the material discussed on relationship improvement, and there is progress in getting along, then unlikely she has a mental illness.How you know for sure if she has bipolar disorder is to read a list of the symptoms online and consider whether she behaves in a way similar to the symptom description list.Definitely it is helpful to know the underlying cause of your daughter's behavior.   This way you can best prepare yourself for what to most likely expect from her.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"):
Aye, you're correct, that isn't normal, and maybe you should get her to a doctor!Before you do that, and if she were my daughter, I would provide her the necessary physical support that can be given readily at home; that is:  proper natural diet, rest, and a good sense of detoxification before she readies herself to approach it.Basic listening is warranted here and would be of great use.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I discuss my fetishes with wife when she is very sexually passive and insecure?

Answer (from Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT):
Thank you for asking your question. When I read terms like "fetishes" and that your wife is "sexually passive and insecure" I can't help but wonder that there may be more going on within the coupleship and with yourself than what has been asked about in your particular question.    I invite you to enter into an exploratory journey with an experienced therapist to identify your fetishes and the deeper story behind the "who", "what", "when" "where", "how" and "why" they are important to you. Additionally, consider whether or not you need these fetishes as a requirement or strongly preferred for sexual excitement; and in its absence do you find yourself being sexually avoidant with your spouse or suffering from some form of erectile dysfunction.    While the fetishes may not be causing you clinically significant distress or impairment in functioning it seems from your question that they might (or would) cause distress to your wife. An experienced clinician could help you and your wife to navigate through this relational terrain ensuring all are heard and that the coupleship is honored. Best wishes.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: Why do I think about how easy it would be to hurt cute animals?
Sometimes, when I look at my pet cat, I think about how innocent he is and how somebody could hurt or kill him. It makes me sad because I love him, but I always think about how helpless he is. There've even been split-seconds where I felt almost tempted to kick him, followed by shame and guilt.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
A lot of different things could be happening here. Do you feel angry or sad or anxious when you think about how helpless he is? If you have not actually kicked him, then I would encourage you to look at feelings other than guilt, since you did not hurt him. What else is there?It would probably be very helpful to talk with a therapist about the specifics of this so that you can see what else is happening for you. It could be that you feel safe with your cat, so strong emotions come up because you feel safe.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How do I cope with separation anxiety while boyfriend is out of town?
I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I’m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn’t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day, which he used to.
 I feel lost, sad and unwanted. This is really a tough new challenge. I just want to break up with him, but I love him so much. I don’t know why he is acting this way lately. I believe I have separation anxiety. Is there anything that I can do to help me cope with this while he is out of town?

Answer (from Nicole StoneAnxiety, relationship crisis, and the separation/divorce experience.):
Relationships at any amount of distance can be so hard! It makes sense that you are encountering more anxiety than usual given that major change in your relationship. And you're right that being separated from our partners can heighten our insecurities and worries about not only our relationship security but about our partner's interest. Have you talked with your boyfriend about this struggle you're feeling? It can be hard to have this kind of conversation without triggering a sense of blame and subsequent defensiveness in our partners, but it really is possible. If you have any concerns about being able to do this, then a session or two with a local counselor or therapist might be really helpful - and it really can be just about finding the way to share what you're feeling.As far as coping with anxiety, there are a lot of options but I highly recommend an app called Self-Help for Anxiety Management. There's so much good information in this app to help you learn to pay attention to what kinds of thoughts are helpful or unhelpful, and there are also lots of activities for calming down and decreasing the intensity of that anxiety. The best part is, it's free!
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: My brother is an addict. He has does nothing but ruin my family. I don't know how to cope with it anymore
My brother has been a heroin addict for years, and he’s now in his mid-30s. He has taken from me my mom and my grandparents. He's sick in the head. Now he moved his girlfriend into the house because they both manipulated us. Today, my mom and my brother went toe-to-toe over his girlfriend not helping around the house and always being high. I ended up hitting my brother for getting so close to my mom's face. I feel terrible, but he's always picking his girlfriend over us. Mind you, he tells other girls that he hates his girlfriend, he's single, and she's only living here because he feels bad. We tried kicking them out and everything, but nothing is working. They do nothing to try and help.

Answer (from 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy ):
I think the best thing for you is to speak with someone on how you can best cope with the situation.  It can be challenging living in a household with someone who is currently addicted.  It is also important that you realize that you can only work on yourself.  Other individuals need to take the same accountability.  Enabling often happens in households with addiction. It can be a challenging environment to live in.
Topic: depression

Question: How do I stop feeling empty?
I don't know how else to explain it. All I can say is that I feel empty, I feel nothing. How do I stop feeling this way?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Your question is very broad because feeling empty can develop for many different reasons.You're certainly not alone in feeling this way!Try to follow the logic of your feelings by asking yourself questions about the empty feeling.   Doing this may open up a discovery about the reason for the emptiness feeling.When do you feel empty, are there certain situations it happens more often than another, what helps the feeling go away, what or who is helpful in relieving the empty feeling.Sometimes people need a little help to get started in understanding how to recognize their feelings.Consider a therapist, any disciplined practice which encourages self-knowledge, such as some yoga practices, and a creative discipline like photography or music. As long as you concentrate on increasing your self-understanding, eventually you'll find the answer to your question!
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why do I always push my boyfriend away?
My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive.     I love him so much. Why do I do this?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Are you sure it is only the birth control pills which has changed your sex drive?My guess would be that possibly due to the hormonal changes of the pill, your own awareness and understanding of yourself in this relationship, is what is actually changing.Birth control pills control ovulation.   They don't directly prevent people from all desire to express affection.Allow yourself some time to reflect on how you feel toward your BF.   It is possible the birth control pills triggered a change in your attitude toward him.And, maybe independent of the pill, maybe you just are done with the relationship.