thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: relationships

Question: Is it okay for my girlfriend to have sex with other men since I can’t sexually perform?
I am currently suffering from erectile dysfunction and have tried Viagra, Cialis, etc. Nothing seemed to work. My girlfriend of 3 years is very sexually frustrated. I told her that it is okay for her to have sex with other men. Is that really okay?

Answer (from Lily Zehner):
Hi, First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your efforts to gain (your) ideal erectile function. If the medications are not working and you have taken them as prescribed, I would encourage you to seek the help of a sex therapist as the dysfunction may be due to a psychological and/or relational issue rather than a physical/medical one. As for your question, only you can answer this. Is it OK? Are you OK with her sleeping with others? Have you thought through what this may look like, feel like, become for you and her? Opening up a relationship is a choice only the people in the relationship can answer. Even then, the answer may change at any point by either of you. I encourage you to also determine what the intention is underneath your telling your girlfriend she could sleep with others. Be clear with the intention and then together have continuous conversations about the expectations of opening up (i.e.: are there any kinds of sex that is off limits, areas of the body where touch or intimacy is not allowed, are uses of safer sex required or not, do you want to know the details or not, so forth). An excellent resource would be the book "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino. I wish you the best of luck!Dr. Lily Zehner, MFT-C
Topic: spirituality

Question: I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?
Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
As in Matthew 7:7   Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” although I minister in interfaith  Jesus also mentions about how he lives within all of us.  As in the beginning when the solar system was created in dark matter.   We are created in the image of to better understand ourselves.  Your soul journey the date and time life  breathed into your physical part while understand that we animate the physical.  Faith and belief is a choice.  Suggestion : Order a life path report.  It helps you learn more about You. Educate and seek spiritual advisors to help you connect to the spirit.   Talking about it helps.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?
I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

Answer (from Keith HughesRelationships, Depression & Anxiety, Spiritual ):
Hello there.  You ask about being nervous and shaky walking in to your therapy session and want to know if its normal? ...  I realize there a few ways to look at this.  I presume you weren't anticipating feeling this way; and probably hoped to feel the opposite..  Well, my initial response is yes, sure, it can be within reason to feel this way.  Have you been in therapy before? Is this somewhat new? That could be part of the reason. But either way; new or not, I think when are entering into a meeting that holds potential evaluation of deep things about you and your heart and soul, it can cause anyone to tremble. The soul can be anticipating some things could be shaken up here, and it can feel scary to look at these things and then change.  Looking deep at our life can feel daunting and scary; so your response just might be regards to potential growth trying to happen.   OR, is there something about the therapist you don't feel confident about?  This too might be in play as a reason for your feelings...  Maybe you lack confidence in that therapist ?  Have you let your therapist know how you feel?  That would be good to explore...I would like to encourage you to look at these ideas.  Hope it helps.   Let me knowKindly,keithkeithcounseling.com
Topic: depression

Question: How do I stop feeling empty?
I don't know how else to explain it. All I can say is that I feel empty, I feel nothing. How do I stop feeling this way?

Answer (from Kelly Mulroy, LMHC, NCC, DCCClinical Hypnosis and Psychotherapy):
A feeling of emptiness can be from a lack of awareness and acknowledgment for the things, the people, the places that you have in your life. The use of affirmation and gratitudes helps to remind ourselves of all of the aspects of our lives.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses
I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.    Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this?

Answer (from Joel DaughertyFaith-based Counselor in Lake Charles, LA):
At age 17, I think you are old enough to decide which parent you want to stay with full-time. I would gently and lovingly tell your father that you've decided to stay with your mother. You can offer to visit him regularly, if you'd like. Parents often have a hard time letting go and, especially in divorce situations, your dad might feel as though he's "lost the battle" if you go live with your mom. He might also feel he's lost you. If your dad is unrelenting and the situation unbearable, you can ask a judge to modify the custody agreement.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: I'm transgender. I want help and I need help

Answer (from Lisa ShouldicePsychotherapist MA, RP, CCP):
Hi.  I would find a counsellor to talk to.  Google to find a transgender specialized counsellor in your area.  They can help you make good decisions and feel good about who you are.  Good luck!
Topic: intimacy

Question: My boyfriend says he doesn't like to do things with me because we fight too much
He owns his own business. Sometimes, he stays out all night but doesn't tell me. We have a son together, and I get to stay home with him. He says I complain too much about what he's doing. We've been together a year and a half. I got pregnant after being together for a month. We moved in together when I had my son in July. Everything was great, and then he started the staying out. He then started not spending time with either of us. I just don't know if I'm doing something wrong. We've talked and he says this is just how he is, but he wasn't like this before.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Oklahoma, Listen to him when he says this is how he is. Your boyfriend's behaviours are about him; not you. At the start of a relationship it's easy to be loving and attentive; but it takes years to really get to know someone deeply. With time, people reveal who they are.For some reason, he is giving himself permission to detach from you and your son. This could be for several reasons; he may be avoiding intimacy and connection, he may be avoiding commitment, he may fear he isn't enough, or (and there is evidence of this one) he may have misogynist attitudes about male privilege that interfere with his ability to be the kind of supportive and respectful partner that you need. It seems that you've addressed this problem with him and told him what you need. Good for you. His response seems dismissive though, and this isn't a good sign. Any problem can be worked through if you have two people who care about, respect and listen to each other. It seems this basic foundation is missing here.I suggest a therapist might be able to help you sort out where to go from here. I wish you the best. :)
Topic: relationships

Question: My girlfriend is always accusing me of cheating on her when I haven't
Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
One area to view is trust.  If she does not trust you then that is an area to delve deeper. Sometimes people project onto others what they are dealing with themselves.
Topic: trauma

Question: How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance?

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
Check with your local non-profit agencies.  I am sure there are programs which provides services for others in the same financial position as you.  Many have sliding scale fees based on your income which can be $0.
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I deal with a “crush” in a relationship?
I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it’s “just a crush” but I don't know how to cope with it.    How should I deal with this?

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
She actually told you that!? You guys must have created a great amount of safety in your relationship where she felt safe enough to disclose something so intimate for her to you. First question is how do you feel about that knowledge? What is coming up for you? Where do you feel it in your body? I'm curious about these questions, I wonder what you fear about having this knowledge. What does this remind you of? What is your deep limbic system letting you know? Notice whatever it is! Look for a therapist who does brainspotting to to go further so that your subcortical brain can continue to figure out how to deal with this. Hopefully this helps!
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: I feel like I'm going to get fired because I cried at work
I'm a teenager, and I just got my first job. I am a month and a half in. Yesterday, my boss pushed me to the point where I had to go to the restroom and cry. She didn't see me, and I'm glad, but when I went to talk to her about it today, I let a tear or two come out. I hate it. I feel like they're not going to keep me anymore.

Answer (from Daniel Kelley-PetersenMental Health and Career Counselor):
Getting your first job is an exciting, terrifying, and challenging experience. It is something you will remember for a long time and it shapes how you begin to think about yourself as a worker. You are literally "learning as you go" in this completely new environment. You are going to make mistakes. You are not going to get it right the first time. It can be even more challenging if you are having a difficult time building relationships that are supportive at work. A couple of things to remember here: 1) You are there to do a job and you are getting paid to do it, 2) There is a reason or reasons for you wanting to be there and do that work, 3) you know best what you need in order to be successful. These three items can be helpful to remember, especially when we feel our emotions are taking over in a place where we do not feel safe to express them fully. If you feel like your supervisor is approachable, meaning someone you could talk to because they express confidence in you, let them know you are nervous about doing a good job. Also let them know how you learn new tasks, information, or expectations so they can deliver the message in a way that you understand. Becoming a successful worker doesn't happen overnight, but each day you can identify what works for you and what doesn't by communicating with your work team, the easier it will be for you. We all had a first job once, and were all worried about doing well. Hang in there, and call a counselor if you need more help.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it normal to be more sensitive when I'm not intimate with my boyfriend?
He's gone for 11 weeks for a band camp. It's week two right now. We used to be Intimate a lot, and now since he's busy 12 hours a day, we can't really be Intimate, even over the phone. Is it normal for me to more sensitive in general?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Well yes, physical intimacy does give all sorts of positive feelings.  The sudden withdrawal of these is certainly possible to trigger a reaction like the one you describe.
Topic: relationships

Question: Why do I feel like I always need to be in a relationship?
I have suffered many things at home and school. We never went to the doctor to diagnose depression or anything like that, but I always feel like a part of my heart is missing. I try to fill it in with objects or, in this case, a woman.

Answer (from Jim SquireIndividual, Couple and Family Therapist, MDiv, OACCPP):
There could be many reasons but often people feel validated when they are in a relationship, the need to be in a relationship can be related to a belief of unlovability which often stems from our childhood. The relationship sort of soothes this temporarily and the others interest or desire helps counteract the ingrained belief. There are many questions that may help understand why, how was your relationship with your mother (caregivers)?  How was your childhood etc.? Many people describe having a hole or void they try and fill with material things or people but it only is a temporary fix which usually drives the person to the next relationship, or object in hopes it will be fulfilling but it never is because fulfillment is work we need to do ourselves. This journey involves finding acceptance and love for ourselves. Once we have that we don't need to look elsewhere for fulfillment.
Topic: anger-management

Question: Why do I get angry so easily?
Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem?

Answer (from Damalie NamaleHealing relationships):
You easily get angered because you haven't trained your mind to ration how your brain interprets the events you experience. As a result you act after an event happens because you do not ration and question to find out if your interpretations of events are rational and legitimate.Anger is an emotion that communicates to us that something is not right and we feel threatened and have to fight back in self defense. All it takes is one event to be trigged and the rest is history. Anger management can help you identify what triggers you so that you can train yourself to be able to interpret events in a rational way.Anger is not the problem, it is what we do when we get angry that is the problem.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax?
I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else.

Answer (from Catherine Misita):
Staying on the lower dose may give you more room to learn strategies for coping with your anxiety.  Medications are so helpful, and needed at times, but it's also important to have a variety of tools you use to manage your responses to stress.  If you are not already seeing a therapist, consider finding one who can help you learn some effective strategies, like replacing self-defeating thoughts with ones that work better for you, or mindfulness, relaxation, or other tools to keep your anxiety in the manageable range!
Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: I just lost my grandpa
I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it.    I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):
My condolences to you. Dealing with the loss of a loved one is certainly an  emotionally devastating experience particularly in the early stages of grief. Healing from grief can include counseling, but also attending grief support groups can be helpful. Generally, there is no cost for attending a group apart from a voluntary donation.The universality of experience as well as the cohesion that happens between members contributes to healing in a significant way. During a pandemic, meetings may have been cancelled. However, you can also find support in attending online grief support groups. Compassionate Friends  is an organization which helps families deal with the death of a child, but their website provides excellent resources for related groups you might want to explore that may  lead you to an active online support group. All the best to you.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer (from Meg McKeon):
Cold climate is often accompanied by grey skies, snow and
ice. The elements along with wind, windchill and severely cold temperatures may
lead to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and low energy. For some people these
symptoms occur each year from late fall to early spring and may be suffering
from a condition known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Whether you have
been diagnosed with SAD or are finding yourself struggling with the “winter
blues” for the first time here are some suggestions for feeling better and
staying healthy.1. Nutrition Most likely you have
heard the term “comfort food.” These foods and snacks are high in
carbohydrates, sugar and fat. Avoid overeating cookies, cakes and candy. Chose
vegetables, fruit and protein for snacks and plan balanced meals. If you find
yourself wanting to eat or snack throughout the day, ask yourself why you are
eating. Are you hungry? Or Are you eating because you are bored?2. AlcoholKeep in mind that alcohol is a depressant so consuming wine,
beer or liquor when already feeling sad, anxious or depressed will only add to
your symptoms. Do not consume alcohol while engaging in outdoor activities such
as snow removal, skiing, or ice fishing. If you find yourself reaching for an
additional glass of wine or beer be mindful and ask whether you are doing it
due to boredom. Instead of mindlessly taking another glass of alcohol, drink a
glass of water. 3. SunlightGet
out in the sunlight or brightly lit spaces, especially early in the day.4. Be activeIf you are unable to go to your favorite gym, exercise class
or go for a run, find a way to stay active in your home. There are a lot of
short, instructional programs available on YouTube that you can follow to do
some gently yoga, dance, or do strengthening exercises using only your body
weight.5.  Reach out for help
Confide in someone you trust about how you are feeling. Do
not hesitate to contact a counselor if you feel that you are becoming more
depressed and anxious. If you experience thoughts of suicide call the National
Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I don't like going outside anymore
I don't understand why this is happening. Why do I feel this way?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
There could be a few reasons that's happening.  If you are afraid of leaving your home and going other places, that may be an anxiety response.  Not all people who feel this way have all the criteria for agoraphobia, but that doesn't mean it's not hard and doesn't interfere with your life.  This may be triggered by a fear of being around people or people seeing you.  It may also feel like leaving the safety of your home is too overbearing without a clear indication as to why.  When it is the latter, it's typically brought on by an anxiety disorder (such as panic disorder).If you have lost interest in going outside, that may be a very different clinical picture.  Did you used to enjoy getting outside but now feel like it is no longer enjoyable?  Have you lost interest in other things that you used to find joy in?  When depression is the culprit, it can feel like you don't get excited about things you used to like, which is also accompanied at times by feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, sleep and eating changes, and frequent sadness.  It's not uncommon for anxiety and depression symptoms to coexist, so you may be experiencing a little (or maybe a lot) of both.  If you feel like you need to speak to somebody about what you are going through, counselors can usually help and with the option of telehealth (online counseling) you don't have to leave your home to do so.If you don't have access to a counselor, your primary doctor can also help you understand your symptoms better and maybe even recommend some other options for you.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How can I get "out of my head" and stop obsessive thoughts?
Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts?

Answer (from Martin Hsia, Psy.D.OCD, Anxiety, and Insomnia Specialist):
There are some great thoughts offered by others here. I would just add that typically the most natural response to fearful thoughts is to want to stop, avoid, or get rid of them - which doesn't work if you're really caught up in a cycle of OCD or other form of anxiety. In the long run, the more effective thing to do is the harder and less intuitive option: to have those uncomfortable thoughts on purpose. This may mean writing out in detail what the worst case fear you are thinking of is, and then reading it over and over again until it becomes boring. It may also mean pausing through the course of the day to merely observe all the thoughts going on, and realizing that thoughts are merely thoughts. They are not the same as reality, and the unpleasant ones can become a lot less scary when we realize we can coexist with them without them coming true.
Topic: depression

Question: How do I overcome my anxierty and depression?
I’m facing severe depression and anxiety and I just feel like I’m going through a lot. This really distracts me and I cant get my mind off the things that are bothering me.    How do I overcome this anxierty and depression?

Answer (from Stacey ShapiroRegistered Play Therapist-Supervisor):
Life can bring us all kinds of struggles.   Depression and Anxiety are very common reasons people come into counseling.  Both can be debilitating.  Sometimes when life struggles and stresses build up anxiety and depression become prominent.  Learning tools to ride the waves  of life is a core part of counseling.  If you are ready to manage the symptoms and come up with a plan visit staceybshapiro.com for more information.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Dr. Joi LatsonLets start your journey today!):
Crying is a natural emotional. You are not alone. Crying can help you to feel relieved. Therapy is your journey, and there is no right or wrong emotion to feel while you are healing. Therapy is a place where you do not have to feel alone. It is also a place where you address things that you have never faces or suppressed for years. If you shed tears while doing that, I applaud you for having the courage to be on your therapeutic journey.