thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
One theory is that instead of "fighting" your feelings, accept your sad feelings and work with them.   Feeling sad may open many doors to reflect and make peace with the source of your sadness.Also, I believe fighting against the natural cycle of rest and hibernation may not even be possible to succeed.   Winter for most creatures is a time of withdrawal and slowdown.  Our bodies and moods are part of nature as well.  Fighting what is part of nature seems like a tiring fight which the person will lose.Last point, there are the winter holidays to break up the dark and cold of winter.   Maybe you can invent some of your own winter celebrations so you'll have a few gatherings to look forward to hosting.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I cope with a break up if we still live together?

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I'm not sure whether you're asking for help to cope with the relationship between you or feelings that you are having.This may be a good time to talk about what kind of relationship you want to have (whether friends, just people who are sharing a living space, etc.) and what boundaries you both have as far as personal space, belongings, conversation, etc. There are a lot of different pieces to consider and it may be helpful to take a day or two to consider the ways in which you typically interact and make a list of the things that you would like to discuss.When you are discussing whatever relationship you are going to have now, consider taking the time to listen to how each of you feel and think about different things that are most important to you. Hearing the other person's point of view does not mean that you have to agree, but just the you can see where they're coming from.If you are asking how better to cope with your own feelings, there can be a lot of different emotional reactions to a breakup. It is certainly expected that you could have lots of feelings related to sadness, nervousness, anger, and many other things. Having these emotions is okay. If you find that it is difficult to eat or sleep (beyond a few days) or its difficult for you to follow through with other daily activities, you may consider talking with a local therapist. It can be helpful to have someone there to discuss thoughts and feelings that you have and be there to help you consider your next steps. Try to be patient with yourself as you work through this.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer (from Mirella Caro-CortesHelping Families & Marriages Repair, Recover & Thrive):
It is challenging to see one's parents age and to cope with the new demands.  Your mom means a lot to you, and that is why you get easily frustrated.  I'm guessing that it is not that she is making you do work or that her expectations are non-important to you because if that were the case, you would not feel any guilt.  Accepting the new stage will help you cope with the changes.  Take a deep breath every time you feel frustrated and think of the good times you shared with your mom before her getting Alzheimer's.  Remember that your mom as she was is no longer and that she has reverted to a more delicate phase.  Also, schedule time for yourself and do things that help you relax.  Caretaking of an elderly parent can take a toll on you, and it is essential to incorporate self-care.  Finally, look for an Alzheimer's support group in your area that will help you connect with other people going through the same thing.  You are a good daughter, and your mom is lucky to have you in her life.Sincerely, Mirella~Image and Likeness Counseling
Topic: parenting

Question: My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him
I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die.

Answer (from Karen ThackerRelationship Specialist):
It's normal for a child to be so angry she wanted someone to die, but this seems to be heading into a dangerous realm. I think it would be wise to have her seen by a child psychologist just to rule out anything more serious.
Topic: depression

Question: I'm seriously unhappy with everything in my life but I know I don't have any reason to feel this way
I can't even smile or fake one. I can't feel happiness about anything and I can't show love towards another person not even my girlfriend. I hate myself sometimes. All I see is ugly.
   I can't get over the loss of a loved one and I'm not close to my family. What can I do?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Trust and believe your own feelings.Emotions are real and reflect how someone feels about a situation.Since you're sad about losing a loved one, be patient w your feelings about this.  Basically, be guided by how you feel and eventually you will feel different emotions which I hope will be happier ones.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why do I have panic attacks when I carry my baby?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Has something scary ever happened when you were carrying your baby before you had panic attacks?  Could have to do with fear of incompetence as a parent, but may be something unrelated.For example, if you got some really bad news when you were carrying your child, your brain may pair those two events together.  Or could it be that the feeling of pressure on your body sets off an anxiety response for you?  Do you have panic attacks when holding your baby sitting down? Or is it just when you are standing/walking?  Paying attention to when exactly its hitting you could give some clues about what is triggering that response.Another thing I'm wondering is if your baby either cries when you are carrying him/her, or if you carry him/her mostly in response to the baby crying.  I'm not sure if you are mom or dad here, but women especially have a very physical response to babies crying.  You can physically see this if you are breastfeeding because it triggers the lactation process.  But it also can trigger some pretty hefty anxiety.  The reason for this makes sense--if we felt nothing when our babies started to cry, we wouldn't be very motivated to attend to them to meet their needs.  If baby is crying when you are holding him/her, it might be triggering that anxiety response and feel a lot of pressure to respond to your baby's needs.  If that turns into a pattern, your body basically expects to feel that way and may respond habitually with panic, even in the absence of baby crying.If you don't think it's related to your baby being upset, you could still be experiencing that habitual response of panic, and especially if you are worried about having a panic attack (which ironically can induce panic).  A counselor may be able to help you untangle what's happening to you and some ways to work through that.  It can be really scary to sit through a panic attack, though there are so many techniques to help.  People have written some really great articles on getting through an attack, and there are other resources you can use like apps (Calm, Headspace, PanicShield, etc.), and youtube has really great videos as well.I also want to mention that if you avoid carrying your baby because of anxiety, that would be a normal response.  Many people who have panic attacks tend to feel guilty about the things that they end up unable to do because of the anxiety they feel.  Remember you are doing the best you can.  You are reaching out, you are concerned.  Guilt about how you deal with anxiety really complicates your experience further, so try to practice some self-compassion if you are going through this.  Kristin Neff has some great resources for that if you are interested: https://self-compassion.org/.I hope all the best for you!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Chaya LernerGrief Therapist):
Are you crying because you are sad? Perhaps this is your heart breaking open ready to cope with your issues. When we are sad and we don't cry maybe it's because we are guarded and our ego is trying to protect us.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Krista Harper, MA, LMFTLicensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Georgia and Hawaii):
What an important question! I think one of the first things to assess is this: Do you feel comfortable with your therapist? Do you feel like you can talk openly about what's going on in your life without feeling judged? Do you experience your therapy as a safe space to process your thoughts and feelings? Feeling comfortable with your therapist is a crucial factor. Once you feel comfortable with your therapist, you can have a conversation about what works for you in therapy. Tell your therapist what is helpful, and what you don't find helpful. A skilled therapist can shift his or her style and techniques to meet your individual needs, and this may be an ongoing conversation that the two of you have during therapy. Oftentimes, there is just an X factor between client and therapist that either makes the relationship work or can make it feel like something is missing. This is no one's fault, it's just that not every therapist will be a perfect match for every client. If you feel uncomfortable with your therapist or feel like that x factor is missing, it is a good idea to keep searching for therapist who is right for you.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Jason Lynch, MS, LMHC, LCAC, ADSIndividual & Couples Therapy):
Making the decision to end a relationship is never an easy decision. However, here are three signs that it may be time to end an unhealthy relationship.There are More Negative Interactions Than Positive OnesEvery relationship has its good interactions and its not-so-good ones. But there are those relationships that seem like every interaction is tense and filled with negative emotions. When communication becomes difficult or impossible, the relationship is beyond fixing.Vastly Different NeedsIn the beginning of a new friendship or romance, it’s easy to try and compromise with one another, making certain both person’s needs are being met. Over time, some friends or couples realize their needs are too different. For instance, in a romantic couple, someone may need more sex than the other. Someone may need to always be in control or have a need to lie. These kinds of clashing needs are a red flag for any relationship.A Blatant Lack of RespectRespect is essential in relationships. But sometimes there are those individuals that seem incapable of respecting the other person, their needs, their boundaries, their wishes, etc. These people tend to be on the narcissistic spectrum and are incapable of having empathy or respect for others’ needs.
Topic: diagnosis

Question: Why can't I stop these thoughts?
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
   What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?

Answer (from Elaine AlysonPsychotherapy and EMDR):
Many people have thoughts like those you describe, and often it feels like someone else is saying it because they are things that may have been said to you when you were very young.  When young children hear negative things about themselves they tend to internalize these negative ideas and to form negative core beliefs.  The good news is we can learn to stop these thoughts and to replace them with healthier thoughts.  The first step is to catch yourself when you are thinking these thoughts, and to stay "stop!"; then replace it with another thought.  So for instance, maybe you fail a test or get rejected by a romantic interest.  You catch yourself saying "you aren't worth anything". Stop this thought, and replace it with "You didn't do as well on that test as you would have liked.  Let's figure out how you can do better next time."  Or "she may not want to go out with you, but someone else will". So the idea is to develop a voice of a "friend", who can tell you the kind of things you would say to your own best friend.  You might also pick up the book, Feeling Good, by David Burns. He gives many tips for how to change Negative Self Talk.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I be able to trust the person I'm dating again after I've been lied to multiple times already by them in the past?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Good question!The starting point is to directly tell the person you don't trust them, your reason for this and what you feel is necessary in order for the person to regain your trust.Since the person broke your trust, then this person is the one who must earn it back.Often, the one who was lied to will like to ask many questions about matters which usually wouldn't even come up.As long as your dating person is willing to accept their responsibility to earn back your trust, then the person would naturally understand and be willing to answer your questions.It is not too hard to see that if someone lies, then they are the one who must show themselves to be worthy of being believed again.
Topic: anger-management

Question: How can I control my anger?
I have a really bad temper. I get mad very easily then stay like that the whole day. I don't mean to be that way, but I can't help it.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
A lot of times the anger someone expresses is from feeling a deep level hurt within themselves.   A surface situation, like, a store told you they'd have delivery of a certain item by Tuesday, and when that particular Tuesday comes, the store doesn't have what they told you they would, and you are furious.The fury may have more with many times before in your life, having been deeply let down by someone who mattered to your life at the time, who similarly promised something and failed to deliver whatever it.If at the time of feeling let down by someone important in your life, the relationship didn't allow for honest expression of all your emotions, you'd have learned to hold in what you realized would not be tolerated if you expressed it clearly.Without practice of being heard when feeling hurt by someone, eventually the person, possibly you, learned to contain and contain your emotions.It is possible that the anger you feel at a variety of situations lately, are muting hurt feelings that you've understood from relating to meaningful people in your personal history, to not talk about.As a way to find out if you feel other emotions in addition to anger, take some time to reflect on what triggered your anger and whether its possible that hurt emotions which nobody whom you know wants to hear,  are really the underlying source of your upset.I hope you will enjoy some new discoveries about yourself and your emotions!
Topic: anxiety

Question: I'm worried about my new job
I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.
   People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?

Answer (from Camille NealLPCA, LCASA, DBT ):
Its understandable to have anxiety when transitioning to a new job/career or any other major life change. Doing some mindfulness activities such as deep breathing exercises, grounding, or mindfulness meditation can help center and calm yourself in moments of anxiety when being away from your family.It may also be helpful to make a list of your concerns or fears about being away from your family. What are you afraid will happen while you are away? Once you've identified those fears you can challenge them and determine whether they are based on fact or your emotions.
Topic: parenting

Question: I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore
I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it.
   I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
When their verbal abuse starts, tell them you are exiting the conversation because the way they're talking to you is unacceptable.Explain you are willing to hear their point of view only not when it is expressed as abuse.They may not agree with your opinion and also may not want to change.Even if they do not change, you are entitled to be treated as a human being who is worthy of respect.Explain your reason to exit the conversation and ask them to write down their requests for you to consider.
Topic: depression

Question: Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom?
I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Good for you on being sensitive to your human need for personal evolution.Wife and mother are meaningful positions.  And in your case, in order to feel your own growth, other areas of who you are would like your attention.Give yourself time to allow your interest to wander in order to find the area of growth which will satisfy you.Just like you know now that you'd like more than your current situation, trust yourself to know you will also know when you've arrived at another road you'd like to take for your own happiness.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Should I stay with my manipulative husband?
Every day for five years, my husband mentally abused me and said he will change. I have a child with him. I try so hard to stay strong for her, but at this point, I am completely broken. I am holding on to nothing but hope and have been for years. Is there any hope or am I wasting my time?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I think your own awareness will not allow you to continue in a bad relationship.Be glad something within you is telling you that there are better ways to be treated than how your husband does.For support and guidance in real time, look up the organizations in your area which help women to leave abusive relationships.You are not the first or only one and probably not the last woman who wants to leave an abusive partner.  Having guidance particular to you and your situation will help you move through what decisions to make as to how to leave this man.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I stop feeling empty?
I feel lazy and numb. I have no interest in things.

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
The feeling empty could stem from various factors. Perhaps asking yourself what would help you feel full, what fills your cup, what does that mean to you for you? When were you last feeling fulfilled?   What brings or has brought you joy? Have you read about, or researched what is called Dysphoria.
Topic: trauma

Question: My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?
There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
   I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
   Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
   How can I get my life back?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
I understand and just so you know you can move forward ,  Break the glass.  In your own time.  If this new person is right for you they will stay around .  You want someone that can walk the path forward with you in relationships if seeking commitment.  If not maybe this person is here to help or if it is reminding you then you need seek answers.  Get a tarot reading or a crystal reading find out what is around to help guide you.  Talk to a spiritual advisor.  ✨🙏
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: What are the skills needed by a counselor?
What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have?

Answer (from Elena Engle, LMHC, EMDRVery Good Counseling):
Some basic skills are empathy, you should feel heard and understood. The therapist should keep the focus on you since counseling is about you and the issues your facing. That being said if you feel like they are sharing too much it’s going okay to say this. They should also be able to identify some coping skills to help you manage the symptoms your experiencing.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How can I deal with the stress of my mother?
My mom is always bossy and treats me like a child even though I'm in my 20s. She argues with me over stupid stuff.

Answer (from Allison Schickedanz, LMHCHere to help you through this journey):
This sounds like a pretty difficult dynamic and I am sorry to hear how it is impacting you.I would encourage you to try and observe the relationship from an outside perspective to begin with.  Try to see what it is that causes your mom to be upset (such as you responding in a tone of voice she doesn't like) and see if there is something you could change on your end.  If you are able to change something, like your tone of voice, start there.  You could also try asking what you could do to help, perhaps she is frustrated that the trash wasn't taken out.  You could also sit down and try to hash things out with her, if you feel like that could be beneficial.Ultimately, you are only in charge of you.  The things you say, your behaviors, are all controlled by you.  So it is important to recognize that no matter what, you can't control what she says or does.  Obviously the things we say or do can impact others, which is why you are frustrated over her behavior.  But remember that you are able to only control yourself.  Seeking therapeutic intervention could also be beneficial for you, and even having her join in to help.  I hope you are able to figure something out and I wish you well.