thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I be less anxious around new people?
I have developed bad social anxiety within the last year, and I just can't stand to be around people. I recently got a new girlfriend, and she is extremely close to her large family and wants me to be around them all of the time. My last visit with them, I was quiet and uncomfortable, and she got mad.

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Take small steps each day. Go around a few people,  take a walk, and smile or wave at others.  Strike up a conversation in the grocery aisle.  Think of topics you enjoy and would like to share, could talk about, to break the ice. Maybe call some friends you once had and reconnect. Go at a pace that feels comfortable and in time you could release the reclusive energy to embrace a more social you.      I also wanted to share this short digital book with you. The Anxiety Antidote
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why do I always push my boyfriend away?
My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive.     I love him so much. Why do I do this?

Answer (from Erica LondonExpert Relationship Therapist):
There could be many reasons that you push your boyfriend away. It could be part of how you were raised, it could be because of culture, it could even be your own insecurities about yourself that are then outwardly manifested in you "pushing" him away. What is important in all this is that you both find a way to connect. So what if you aren't a hugger, a kisser, or a toucher you have to find what works for the both of you and your relationship. There are many ways to show affection that aren't physical (words of affirmation, giving of time and/or gifts, etc). If your boyfriend wants the physical attention then work on ways that are comfortable for the both of you making sure to start out slow and to work your way up to more physical touching.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why am I so anxious in social situations?
Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing.

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
As you do it more, it should get better or at less with less anxiety.  Anxiety is normal for most when speaking in public.  I hear this from even the best of facilitators who have been doing it for years.  I even experienced that when I first became a counselor and had to lead classes.  I asked myself why were I so anxious?  I admit at that time I didn't have confidence in myself.  The more I prepared and practiced, the more my confidence level increased.  Yours will too...
Topic: depression

Question: is it normal not to feel empathy?
I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
Empathy usually falls on a spectrum, meaning that some people show more than others. Empathy is the ability to look at the world through someone else's eyes or "walk a mile in their shoes." There could be some people in your life for whom empathy is easier to feel and those for whom you have no idea what they are experiencing.Empathy is not usually categorized as an emotion, but as something related to emotions. For example, you could have empathy about someone's anxiety.I'm not sure whether you are also referring to the idea that you don't have sympathy for yourself or others. That's a different concept, but also involves different degrees.When you say you don't have emotion except anxiety, I wonder if you are saying that you have anxiety all the time and it may be covering up other emotions? If you are experiencing a lot of anxiety, try to look at what it connects to and find something that changes your focus for a few minutes. This could be any number of activities, such as watching TV, cooking, reading a book, or many other options.If you are feeling as if you are just going through the motions and not having a lot of emotions about anything, if it's just been a few days, it may just be related to a current stress that will lessen in a few days. If it has been quite a while, consider tracking your mood and looking at when you do notice changes in your emotions. There may be some variations that you are not aware of.If you continue to feel anxious and as if you don't have as many emotions as you would like, consider talking with your primary care physician or a local therapist.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Yes, certainly your mom's difficulty in having meaningful conversations with people results from the Alzheimer's disease process which weakens her brain function.Feeling a sense of guilt in relation to a parent, is pretty common for everyone.This is because as little kids and babies, we had a strong reliance on a parent and believing every word they sad and wishing to follow each action they ask or demand, was for the benefit of our own survival.One way of coping with your feeling of guilt is to examine it.Ask what it is you're feeling guilty about?Chances are that your sense of guilt is less due to what you're currently saying or doing to help your mom.Very likely, your guilt feeling is awakening the sense of obligation that you and all of us feel toward a parent simply because parents seem to have unquestionable power when we are very young.After all, you're thoughtful enough to write a question, so chances are great that you're already actively involved in caring for your mom.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Getting to the root of what about her request upsets and frustrates you the most.  Does her asking ignite the realization of how much this condition has taken from her and subsequently you? When she asks for items, does it remind you of what this condition has truly done to her?  Anger is a secondary emotion, once we address what the true emotion is we can work thru anger and frustration. Self-Forgiveness is also important, her condition impacts you, and your feelings are valid.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I overcome social anxiety?
I have a fear of talking with people. I don't like to go out to social events. I'm always worrying about someone judging me.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Thanks for reaching out and asking this question.  Social stuff is hard.  Even for people that don't have diagnosed social anxiety.  Some research outlines that our fear of public speaking is greater than our fear of death.  That's hefty!  Shame is often the culprit for social anxiety because we think other people will see the flaws in ourselves that we believe are there.  I've had experiences where I thought the person thought something awful of me, just to find out it was exactly the opposite.  That's how powerful our minds can be!What are other things that people may think of you?  Maybe you are very kind and easy to talk to.  Maybe you think differently than other people and some people enjoy hearing your perspectives.  It's even a possibility that they are worrying about the same things as you, even if they seem very confident.  Confidence can be easy to fake if it's how you cope with fear.To work through some of that, it's much better to force yourself out there and have conversations.  Avoiding people sends the message to your brain that not only are those situations dangerous (socially), but that you can't handle them.  The more you avoid, the harder it gets and the more anxiety is created by just the thought of being around people.  Take it moment by moment, too.  Thinking about all the conversations you are confronted with in a day is overwhelming.  Just focus on getting through each conversation, and give yourself credit for doing that---even if you felt awkward, embarrassed, etc.  Social skills can be taught at any stage of life, and there's always room for mistakes.  No one in society communicates perfectly and you don't need to put that pressure on yourself.The last thing I'd say is keep at least 1-3 people in your life that feel really good to talk to--like it's not a task.  Talking to acquaintances and random people is not to fulfill a need for close connection (unless you end up finding a great friend), but more to feel like you are definitely able to handle conversations without the threat of crippling anxiety.  You may even get to a place where you enjoy it (sometimes).  Reach out to people in your life if you need extra support!
Topic: trauma

Question: How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers?
I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them.

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
Have you tried counseling?  Having PTSD from multiple abusive sexual experiences is very overwhelming for one to handle alone.  You may need the guidance, experience and support of a professional to identify all the triggers that effect you and obtain the best coping skills that would work for you.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How do I find myself?
I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

Answer (from Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor):
Therapy may be an effective way for you to get a stronger sense of who you are. A competent therapist will work to create a safe and curious therapeutic relationship in which you can explore your identity. There are also many different exercises which you can do in and out of therapy which you may find helpful in this area as well.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: Why do I feel like I can never meet people's expectations?
I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like they just want nothing to do with me.

Answer (from Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor):
It sounds like you have the perception that people are frequently disappointed in you, wish you were different or someone else, and ultimately reject you. One question I would have for you is what is your evidence that people feel this way? Is there anything in people's words or behaviors that gives you this impression? If your not sure, it may be useful for you to try to notice what people say and do in response to you, even though you perceive these attitudes within them. Additionally, working with a competent therapist may be a great way to get an answer to your question as well as developing ways to move forward with that answer and gain a sense of self-esteem and security in your relationships.One possibility that comes to mind, of which there may be more, is that as we grow up, we often develop relational templates, or sets of expectations about how people are and will relate to us, which influence our experiences and behavior in relationships. Sometimes the templates that we develop to stay connected growing up are not particularly adaptive for adult life and can hamper our self-esteem and capacity for comfortable intimacy as an adult. You ask a great question here, and one that can be very hard to see through, given the difficulty of feeling that people think of you in this way, and I hope that you will stay curious about this and consider working with a therapist who is trained to help you discover the answer.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I be less anxious when dealing with my toddler?
My toddler defies everything I say and doesn’t see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Biddeford,This is a super goal. Feeling powerless is something parents are wise to get used to; there's a creature in the home whose job it is to find and use their power in the family and in the world. Of course your toddler defies you, and that's healthy. I worry more about the overly compliant ones. She is wanting to know what the rules are, and all you have to do is show her clearly where the lines are. I'll give you some tips.First, remind yourself that it's her job to learn what the rules are, and where her power is. Don't be so surprised when she wants it her way. If we go through our days being ready and prepared for these beautiful creatures to have minds of their own, we're less caught off guard when it happens. Avoid situations that invite power struggles. Any time you tell your daughter "do this now", you set up a power struggle. The good thing is that she's young enough you can pick her up; now is the time to teach her that mom's (or dad's) word means something. So, if you say "let's get you dressed", then be prepared to pick her up right away and show her that when you say something will happen, you can make it happen. And I'm talking about gently picking her up here...not roughly. Pick your battles; only give instructions when you have the power to make it happen.Give her choices, so she can see her power. Instead of opening her drawer and asking what she wants to wear, give her two choices. Here's an example...she's on the ipad and you say ipad time is over. She says "no". You can say "ipad time is over. If you put it down, you can play later. If I have to take it away, you don't play it later." The choice is hers. Then follow through."When...then" statements are really helpful. Your child asks for something. Instead of saying no, try "as soon as the toys are picked up, we can have a snack". You're simply a pleasant parent who wants the same thing they do...but they have to earn it. Staying calm yourself is the key, because then at least you will feel in control of yourself, which is the ultimate goal. Use self-talk to calm yourself. Remind yourself her behaviour is normal and healthy. Breathe through a moment in which you would have reacted, and it will be over by the time the breath is done. You can give yourself time to think before you make parenting decisions. Time is a useful tool not enough parents use. Good luck!
Topic: lgbtq

Question: Do I have to go to counseling to get hormones to transition from female to male?

Answer (from Katie LeikamLGBTQIA Affirming Gender, Anxiety and RelationshipTherapist):
That depends entirely on the doctor you go to for your hormones.  WPATH, the World Professional association for Transgender Health, new standards of care say the therapy before hormones and a letter are recommended. There is a standard of care, ICATH which follows informed consent.  ICATH takes into the consideration that your body is your own and therefore your own choice as to what happens to it. There are doctors in metro areas that practice informed consent where you would not need to have a letter stating you have been to counseling.  Some doctors still require a letter from a counselor.  When you call to set up an appointment, ask the doctor if they require a letter.  If they require a letter, you will need to see a counselor.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I deal with gender dysphoria in a positive way?
I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it.
 My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do?

Answer (from Traci LowenthalLGBTQAffirmative Therapist ):
Hi! I am so glad you're reaching out!  Sounds like you have some solid support in some areas of your life but are still dealing with some difficult dysphoria.  I think it can depend on what kind of dysphoria you have - sometimes it's physical, social or mental.  Sometimes physical dysphoria means less time around mirrors or plans to make showering less stressful (music, audio books, distraction).  Sometimes online support networks can be a great source of ideas in this way (for social and mental dysphoria as well).  Some of my clients do things that help them feel better in their bodies that don't require anyone to know (hair removal, binders, packing, hormones,) and other things.  I recommend stopping by a website called Conversations with a Gender Therapist. There are some awesome videos there that might help you!  I hope this helps some!  Don't forget to try to connect with other trans folks (even online) - it can be a great relief to know you're not alone in how you're feeling! Best of luck!!
Topic: parenting

Question: How do I tell one parent I want to live with the other one?
I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me.    How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?

Answer (from Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.):
There is a lot of information that needs to be filled in first. So what the custody arrangement? Does your dad have full custody? Is the custody shared? What does your mom think about the situation? Is she willing to go to bat for you?What is your age? Usually you have the right to choose based on age requirements set by the state.Legally you can't be kept away from your mom unless there is some legal complications that prevent it.Is your father abusive and should you seek protection?Many details need to be filled in.You can seek counseling without your parents approving or knowing, depending on your age.Find counseling through school or local agencies.You have rights and one of those is the right to choose.
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: How can I stop abusing alcohol?
I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others.

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
What an important question. I'm hearing your hopelessness and fear about the damage of your substance use and it sounds like you have reason for concern. While there can be negative stigma about using substances, for the most part substance use is an attempt to cope with emotional distress in the absence of sufficient coping strategies. We all look for comfort when we are in pain and this may be the way that you are getting comfort - even though it is also hurting you. In order to stop using alcohol and weed you will need a lot of support and you will need to learn other ways of getting comfort when you are in pain or struggling with bipolar related symptoms. There is nothing to be ashamed of and we all need help when we are struggling. I would encourage you to reach out for support in any way that you can. Have you talked with your health care providers about your concerns or friends or family members? Here are some links of resources in Whistler that may be helpful:http://www.vch.ca/locations-and-services/find-health-services/?program_id=11035http://redbookonline.bc211.ca/service/9509054_9509054/whistler_mental_health_and_addictionshttp://mywcss.org/programs/counselling-assistance/http://redbookonline.bc211.ca/organization/9489472/alcoholics_anonymous_aa___squamishwhistler
Topic: eating-disorders

Question: How can I train myself to stop eating when I'm full?
I have no self control over food. Most people stop when they've had enough, but I keep eating for the pleasure of it. Especially with sweets - I'm never done eating dessert.

Answer (from DJ BurrPsychotherapist. Addiction Specialist. Author. Recovery Advocate.):
I would recommend removing yourself from the environment you are in after you have finished eating. A simple walk around the block, calling up a friend and going to visit, or even going to another room in the house can help. If you find that you truly have no self control over food, I recommend attending Overeaters Anonymous; a 12 step group for those with compulsive issues related to food. I hope this helps.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Jason Lynch, MS, LMHC, LCAC, ADSIndividual & Couples Therapy):
I've never heard of someone having "too many issues" for therapy to be effective. A competent therapist will assist you in identifying the root causes of your problems and treat those first. If the underlying issues are addressed, your various symptoms should improve. For example, a history of sexual trauma can cause sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety, and low self-worth. I would start by addressing the underlying trauma using EMDR Therapy. EMDR allows the client to process unresolved trauma and to address negative core beliefs that develop in response to the trauma. By addressing these negative beliefs about ourselves, we can improve our self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.