thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How do I know what my sexual orientation is?
I'm a girl, and I can't tell whether I'm bisexual or gay. I like girls a little more than boys, but I don't really know.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
Sexual orientation is not always something that is clearly definable. Some people look at it on a continuum where being attracted to only boys is at one end, only girls is at the other, and bisexual is in the middle. Anywhere in between those points can be any amount of attraction to boys or girls.If you don't know whether you are gay or bisexual, that is okay. A lot of people don't know for quite some time. In addition to that, after people do know who they are attracted to, a lot of times they do not use the terms "gay" or "bisexual" for quite a while.It's okay not to know.Think about what sorts of expectations you have for your ideal relationship. Some examples may include trust, respect, availability for conversation or connection, etc. Whatever it is that you find important in a relationship is likely what matters most.If you are struggling with learning what it is that you would like in a relationship or any other feelings connected with what you are thinking and feeling, I would suggest connecting with a local therapist so you have a place to talk about what you are experiencing.
Topic: relationships

Question: I have been in a relationship for a year and 7 months these few weeks have been bad
He's been losing feelings and he doesn't know why. I love him very very much. He sometimes thinks I'm obsessed when I'm not at all. I give him his space and I make sure he's okay but sometimes I think if me and him saw each other more it would be better? I truly want me and him to get better, it's kind of hard not to stress about it, because the love of my life is losing feelings which is a sad feeling. He's a great guy! I just don't know why he's been losing feelings towards me. He's starting to put less effort in talking to me. At this point I'll do anything to just make us better as a couple. I tried talking to him but he doesn't like talking about it much. Advice on what to do?

Answer (from Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant):
I'm willing to bet that this isn't what you are hoping to hear, but I'd suggest giving him space. Ooph, that's a tough one, right?! I know. But here's the thing, when you keep trying to process and talk it out with him you keep pushing him away. He needs to feel like a solid and whole person (as you do too) to be able to be fully in your relationship. It's the work of being in relationship to learn this. I get that this is tough stuff. I wonder, outside of being with him, how do you soothe and calm yourself? That's the stuff for you to tune into and focus on right now.
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: I found drugs in my moms drawer—what should I do?
She's my stepmom. I'm pretty sure she's illegally buying the drugs and hiding them from my dad.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Are the drugs themselves illegal or the method of her purchasing them?How do you know the facts of what you write here?Also are you sure your stepmom is buying or hiding them for her own use and not on behalf of your father?If you’d like to lovingly make your father aware of your findings then be clear on these answers since most likely he’ll want to know this information.If the drugs are illegal and in his house then he is just as liable for arrest as the stepmom.I’m sure from this perspective at least, he’d appreciate your telling him of your findings.
Topic: relationships

Question: How do I fix or leave a bad relationship?
My ex-boyfriend and I have been back and forth for over a year now. He's in his late 20s, divorced for like five years now with two kids. He has a lot of narcissistic behaviors. He lies and cheats, but I love him. I've tried to date other people, but I always go back to him.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Try to figure out why you go back to him.Love is never enough reason to sustain a relationship.Though your love may feel and be very real, the fact of the frequent breaks show that some quality or dynamic within the relationship is not satisfying enough to sustain the two of you.Always people are better off with some time separation between relationships.  This gives a chance to know what you were looking for and din't find in the ended relationship.Dating other people before you have time to understand what did and didn't work well in a relationship, will make the new dates seem like a lacking comparison to the first guy.Also, lying and cheating are very demoralizing.  Maybe your higher self tries to take you out from this situation and you first need to strengthen your spirit in order to follow your own best interest.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Do you feel he will do this again, and do you trust him, can
you trust him again?.   Would you and he
be open to couples’ therapy? There are many variables to consider but asking yourself these questions could
give you some clarity.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Sally HighMake The Return Back To Self):
I always suggest that you find the right fit. You have every right to interview the therapist and ask as many questions as you need. It is our job as a therapist to explain our approach and philosophy. This gives you a good overview of the therapist. Just call and say that you would like to talk to the therapist. Say your interested in the services but unclear about how the process works. From there a seasoned therapist should be proficient in helping to guide you through the process with ease and comfort. www.lifecounselingorlando.com
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Ronica ClarkYou have questions I'm willing to try to give an answer):
Do you feel comfortable with your therapist? Its a good start to know if the therapist is right for you. Therapist are human and not matter how good they are if you don't feel comfortable nothing they do will work.
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?

Answer (from Sobha VakhariyaOakland County Psychotherapist):
Our culture "normalizes" drinking but a psychotherapist can diagnose someone with an alcohol problem.  They can use various scales as well as the diagnostic manual ICD-10 to assist them in making the proper diagnosis.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?
When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
This has to be very difficult to endure.It's pretty common for members of a couple to have different ways of resolving conflict. Very often, one person wants to deal with the conflict right away or shortly thereafter and the other person wants to wait. One thing that sometimes works is to consider having a conversation when you are not upset with one another about taking some sort of timeout and setting a timeframe for something like "I cannot talk about this now, but we can talk about it in two hours."My best guess is that your boyfriend is triggered by some previous relationship, either romantic or in childhood. If he is aware of something that he thinks or feels when you ask him to resolve conflict or to discuss it, it would be good to know what that is. It could even be that he's learned to handle conflict that way.Something else you could try is to have a conversation where you each discuss what is acceptable for what is acceptable for each of you during an argument and what is not. These sorts of discussions can be very difficult and you may benefit from working through them with a mental health professional who has some experience working with couples.As far as what you can do now, perhaps you can remind yourself that these things have worked out before, that you love him and believe that he loves you, or some other statements that are true for you. You may also consider finding ways to soothe yourself. For example, you may find that you like certain outdoor activities or reading a certain type of book or something else that gives you pleasure.
Topic: sleep-improvement

Question: How do I get rid of my nightmares?
I have been having horrendous nightmares this whole month.

Answer (from Martin Hsia, Psy.D.OCD, Anxiety, and Insomnia Specialist):
There's a narrative approach that we call nightmare "rescripting" that may be helpful.Since we can't really control the nature of our dreams while they're happening, we try to alter them while we are in a waking state.  In a nutshell, this refers to first writing out in detail the events of a recurring nightmare you have. Typically, there is an element of fear, danger or helplessness.Second, we rescript the nightmare by changing what happens in the dream in a way that engenders feelings of empowerment, control, competence, and/or safety. In other words, if the nightmare involved being pursued or assaulted, we might change the events of the story so that you call the police, get to a place of safety, or even fight back and protect yourself.Third, you can reread this new version of the dream over and over again, so that it becomes a well rehearsed story. The effect of this can make it so that the next time your mind goes towards the nightmare while sleeping, this new, more hopeful and empowering story competes with the old one and reduces the level of distress associated with the dream. Best of luck!
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I be less stressed out?
I shake and have panic attacks.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
One way to understand panic attacks is as a sign of feeling insecure or lacking confidence in a certain area or characteristic of yourself.The insecurity can sometimes feel overwhelming and this starts the sense of panic. One way to build your sense of security within yourself is to have a simple life and a slow paced life.   When there are many activities or involvements to pay attention, then it is easy to not give full attention to all of them.  This may trigger a sense of insecurity since in fact you may not have had sufficient time to study and know your own opinion about all of what your life is immersed in.A simpler life of fewer activities allows more time to know and understand your own inner feelings and reactions.To know more about yourself may help build your confidence and security in your ability to know and live what goes on in your life!
Topic: depression

Question: How do depression and PMS symptoms contribute to one another and what can I do about it?
I struggle with depression as well as pretty intense mood swings throughout the month. I experience highs where I feel amazing and energetic and then lows where I lack focus, energy, and generally have a more dark outlook on my life. How can I live a more balanced life?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
You may already be living a balanced life because you are aware of your ups and downs due to hormonal changes of your menstrual cycle.As much as posible, schedule activities around your expected mood swings.   This way you'll avoid feeling even more tired from a busy scheduled during a low energy time in the month.The hormonal cycle is normal.Opinions vary as to taking natural, homeopathic supplements or Pharma drugs which will influence your cycle and make your mood more even.There are side effects to at least the Pharma drugs, which is a consideration as to the value of taking them.Reflect on which is your style of living and what will make you feel successful in handling this problem.Sticking to a system which mirrors the type of person you are, means more than any one particular answer anyone gives you.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: I’ve been separated from my husband for six months and he still has not filed for divorce
My husband and I got into a huge dispute. He said he wanted a divorce, and I left. I still come home a lot and see my kids, and he has not filed yet even though he still said he is. What does that mean for our marriage?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
In any relationship, including marriage, each partner will be better able to do their part, by understanding their own interests and wishes.Concentrate more on what you'd like from your marriage.  This will naturally raise the questions and criteria of what to talk with your husband about and what to ask of him.Think over whether you wish to divorce or not.Since he hasn't taken any action, then for the moment, you can assume he is not sure of what he wants.Once you feel a little more clear on your opinion about your marriage, including feeling uncertain if you'd like it to end or continue, then you will be able to tell your husband the suggestions you have for resolving the dispute matter and emotions.Try to re-direct your speculations about, "what does he want", "I wonder what he's thinking", back to answering these very reasonable questions, about yourself.This will strengthen your own purpose in clarifying where to start and guide a discussion with him.Good luck!
Topic: relationships

Question: I'm older and just experienced heartbreak
After 25 years, I fell in love for the first time. The person acted for a week and left me without even saying goodbye. My heart is burning, and I can't take this pain.

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
Ouch. Losing someone you love hurts so much. We all long to be loved and to love and to have that experience and then lose it is awful. While it is easy to feel angry or start doubting yourself under these circumstances, I would encourage you to recognize the agony of what you are experiencing as an indication of how much you value loving relationships and how much you want to make this happen in your life. When we are going through this kind of loss it is really helpful to have the support of friends and family. While no one is going to be able to make it better, we don't have to be alone with our pain. If you are not comfortable with going to those in your life it may be a good time to see  a counsellor to help you cope with your distress and learn how to move past this and find the love that you are looking for.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I tell if my spouse had sex with a prostitute?
My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

Answer (from Gayle WeillSpecializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR):
I am so sorry you are going through this. The harsh reality is that you can’t possibly know. Being in a healthy relationship means that you have to trust that what your spouse tells you is true. If he tells you he was not with a prostitute and you don’t believe him than that means there is lack of trust in your relationship. If you are experiencing mistrust in your relationship and are worried about infidelity or STDs that is very serious and it sounds like you both could benefit from being in marital counseling together. Trust is so important in any relationship and if the trust isn’t there it’s important to build that trust so you can have a happy and healthy home together. If your spouse is unwilling to go for marital counseling with you, then go for individual counseling! There have been plenty of success stories when even just one of the spouses goes for therapy.
Topic: stress

Question: How can I be less stressed?
I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out?

Answer (from Rachelle BurrellThis is for you):
Unfortunately we can't escape stress in this life.  Some stress is good and it motivates us to take needed actions.  Or stress may paralyze us, cause sickness, and upset relationships. Stress affects every area of your life; physical, emotional, social, cognitive and spiritual.  You may experience physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach upset, or sleep disruption.  It may affect your ability to learn new things or concentrate.  Further it may cause you to question previously held beliefs and heighten your emotions.  You can take a holistic approach and focus on those 5 realms to reduce your stress.   As examples, exercise as approved by your MD to reduce muscle tension and lift mood, journaling or art to channel your emotions, spending time with positive people, staying away from negative people if you can, and be aware of thoughts that increase your stress.   This does not need to take a lot of time out of your busy schedule.  Taking 3 minutes throughout the day to walk, journal and take deep breaths helps.  A therapist can help you identify specific stressors and help you to problem solve solutions.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Christianne  PortaUnderstand. Heal. Grow):
The most important action you can take here is validating her feelings and staying calm when she is crying and "freaking out".  It's equally important to do some self exploration regarding your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors towards making mistakes and how you respond to your mistakes.   When she is calm, ask her what a mistake means to her.  Giving her examples of different kinds of mistakes and listening to her responses will give you an idea of how extreme her thoughts are.  Taking this opportunity to share with her your own struggles with perfectionism or some other area would help her feel more at ease.  Reminding her that she is enough just as she is would be helpful as well.  Encouraging her self care routine will help develop a greater sense of balance regarding her priorities.  The practice of mindfulness will be helpful in self awareness.  Creating a plan on what to do when the early signs of "freaking out" surface will strengthen her coping skills.    Your fears as a parent are completely understandable and this definitely needs to be addressed.  Your daughter cannot bring about change on her own and will need the family to work towards this change as well.  A therapist that specializes in anxiety/perfectionism would be a great resource.  They may also help you all have a greater understanding of what the root of this need for perfection is and how it plays a role in the family.  I suggest one or two sessions without your daughter would be helpful to develop a course of action.    I hope this was helpful.   It takes a lot of courage to seek help and guidance, I'm glad you posted.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I be interested in the same sex after nearly 40 years of being straight?
After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.

Answer (from Rachel TramonteTherapy for adults, couples, and teens):
Few people are actually 100% straight or 100% gay.  Sexual preference exists on a continuum. Over the course of many years a person's sexual preference may shift.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to cry during therapy?
I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Answer (from Elissa Grossclinical psychologist ):
Hi there !  As someone who has practiced as a clinical psychologist for 25 years , I would say that crying is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AT ALL ! Almost every single person I have worked with has cried at one point or another.  Starting therapy takes a lot of courage; when you work with a therapist ,once you feel safe ,  you talk about a lot of very private and potentially emotional things that you may have never discussed with anyone before.  I have seen  people cry with sadness , cry with relief at releasing painful things they have held onto for a long time, cry because they feel so relieved that they finally feel heard.   I myself have sometimes cried with clients because some things they talk about are so profoundly moving.   I can assure you that most , if not all , therapists expect clients to cry  and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.   Crying can be very cathartic and can allow us to release a lot of painful feelings we have been stuffing down.   Crying is  often a sign that you are really working things through and getting in touch with feelings that you need to get in touch with in order to heal .So , to summarize , don't worry at all about crying! It will probably feel uncomfortable  at first , but I promise you , you will not be judged for crying in therapy.   And it will be less embarrassing once it happens a time or two and you are assured that your therapist will be there for you and won't judge you !Good luck !!
Topic: parenting

Question: I don't know how to communicate with my adult daughter
There is just no communication at all between us. She sleeps constantly all day (not at night). She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat.    She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.
   I don't know how to communicate with her. She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
Not much to go on.  Her age medical etc.  This can be frustrating seeing a loved one sick.  Find what interests her or has an influence over her.  If you know why...maybe try and allow her to heal.  Presents things in front of her that give her no choice but to focus on instead of what has put her in this state.  What brings her joy? Good luck