thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How do I stop sneaking away from home at night?
I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?

Answer (from Heidi Haddad):
Hi...let's start with what's causing you to sneak out of the house?Understanding the motivation behind your actions (in this case...your sneaking out at night) can often times help you create the change you want.  Are you arguing with your parents? Do you feel misunderstood? Alone? Scared? Stressed out? What are you doing once you leave the house? Where are you going? Are people in your home in conflict? Do you feel safer when you leave? Most importantly, reflect on what may be behind the reason for your wanting to leave the house and feeling not in control of your actions?  Talk to someone about what's going on, because maybe that person could help you create the movement you are seeking.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: Why do some people try to make a joke for everything and laugh at everything?
These "jokes" are made about everything. They seem to have the need to say something "funny" about everything. It's not funny, just awkward.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I agree, it is awkward when people make jokes about subjects which may not be funny at all.  And, if a person only jokes, then after laughing and realizing the person has nothing of themselves to offer, this can also be quite tedious.Realize that you are more aware of human interaction having many levels of expression.  You could start avoiding people who irritate you by the way they behave.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Anna OwensLicensed Professional Counselor):
It sounds like you may be struggling with depression. Depression can make you feel overwhelmed and paralyzed to change. I would suggest that you connect with a provider who can help you get to the root of where the worthlessness is coming from and help you develop a plan for recovery. In the meantime, small steps can go a long way. Self-care interventions such as journaling your feelings, mindfulness meditation, and regular exercise are all helpful to reconnecting with the present moment and gaining internal motivation. Focusing on one day at a time and bringing your thoughts back to the present can also be beneficial. There is hope!
Topic: trauma

Question: PTSD is impacting my whole life
I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago.    How can I get my life back?

Answer (from Kennedy McLeanTrauma Specialist, Therapist in Private Practice):
Hi there,I can sense the frustration in your post. PTSD can, and often does affect so many aspects of life. There are evidence based treatments for PTSD that can help with some of the side effects. You can learn to identify your triggers, ground yourself and regulate your emotions better for example. It is possible to recover but it will be slow, and it is hard work. It is important to know that. You need to be gentle with yourself. If you don’t have one already, I would suggest trying to find a therapist, depending on where you live, there may be some free or low-cost options available or support groups. Your life may not look the same but it is possible to have life after trauma.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do you get over someone cheating on you when you are trying to make it work?
My boyfriend of five years told me he cheated on me during our relationship after we broke up. We've since gotten back together and are trying to make it work. I don't know how to trust him now, but I really want to make it work, and it seems like he does too. But my trust issues are getting in the way and causing problems.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Michigan,This is a common issue. How do you trust after you know someone is capable of hurting you? I totally get that it's hard, and I believe it's worth it if you truly love and want to be with someone. You can be stronger in the scarred places. I would suggest that you each have a separate job to do to rebuild this trust. It is definitely possible to rebuild it, because anything is possible if both people want it enough.Your boyfriend came clean to you...this is pretty crucial. He chose to honour your needs rather than keep the secret. You can use that as evidence in your "proof that he loves me" file. Work on that file...thicken it up. Having a thick "he does care about me and wouldn't hurt me again" file will help you. Other things that he can do to help you thicken that file (because after all, his behaviours caused this problem): answer all your questions, don't brush you off if you're feeling insecure, treat you as though you're a priority, avoid questionable contact with other women, have open communication, give you passwords to devices so there is transparency. He can help you to understand where those behaviours came from...why he cheated in the first places (although people aren't always good with those 'why' questions!)You can focus on telling yourself that people change, that he deserves a chance to show you he can be loyal (or at least you've decided to give him that chance), and that you want to be a trusting person. If you act like a trusting person, you will likely feel more like one. Don't go snooping, don't interrogate him. It's normal you might feel scared and try to tell him that when you do. Let him know what happens that leads to you feeling scared.This is a start for you. A good therapist can be helpful too!
Topic: anxiety

Question: When I'm around children I get this intense feeling of paranoia and fear
I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it.    I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them.    I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Your very concern about your response to being around children shows that you aren't a bad person--it actually speaks to that you care. Panic attacks are really scary and not easy to deal with.  I wonder what you mean by paranoia--does this mean you are worried about your body's response when you are around kids?  Do you worry about their behavior?  Or does paranoia for you mean that you are worried about other people's judgments of you because of panicking?  If what you are saying is that you are trying to fight off the anxious feelings you have, it could intensify your symptoms because emotions want to be acknowledged.  One way to help manage through that is via deep breathing.  You can check out some videos on youtube that you vibe with and the nice thing about practicing this is it's very easy to do in public without people noticing.I'm also curious about more of the details of what your experience is like.  Are there certain age ranges or behaviors that trigger your anxiety?  Figuring out the specifics of what sparks that response in your body will give you some basic insight into why you are feeling that way and what types of situations to prepare yourself for.  You can do this by paying attention to what happened right before you started feeling anxious.If you are looking for more personalized ways of working through your anxiety, a counselor can help personalize treatment for you.  There are a lot of telehealth counselors available right now at lower rates due to the COVID issue as well.Overall message here is there's so much you can do and your anxiety means nothing bad about you!
Topic: addiction

Question: How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction?

Answer (from 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy ):
Acknowledgment from your husband and wiling to make changes is essential first.  We often try to force people to make changes hoping that they will see that we are right, even when they may not be ready.  Having a willingness to work together and be supportive is fundamental in recovery.  If he is not quite there yet I would snuggest individual therapy for yourself where you have an outlet and can also gain suggestions on what the next steps might be. If he is ready I would suggest you engage in therapy together and be ready to listen to him and what his needs might be.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: Why does my mom show more love to my brothers than me?
She treats me like I'm not in her presence. She’s always yelling at me for no reason. She gives more respect to my brothers than me, but only my brothers fight her while I respect her.

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
Attention is not equal to love and being valued. It may be precisely because your brothers demand so much more your mom's attention through fighting with her that she pays more attention to them. It is a common situation in families where the "squeaky wheel gets the grease" and the siblings or family members who don't demand as much attention end up feeling invisible. It sucks to feel invisible and it is important that there is attention for you and that you know how much your mom loves and values you.  This sounds like an important conversation to have with your mom and if she is not able to really understand or help you address this concern you may want to suggest doing some family therapy where a skilled therapist can help you and your family work this out.
Topic: relationships

Question: My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy
I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
   I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
💕 They say three can be a crowd.  First ask yourself how you felt when you were with this friend that weekend?  Did I feel uncomfortable and was I thinking of my boyfriend the whole time?  Did I communicate with my boyfriend that weekend while with my friend?  Think about why he maybe reacted to you in this matter and it was a good start on his part to be authentic about his feelings.  So what are yours ?
Topic: trauma

Question: What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?
I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?

Answer (from Cimberly R. NeskerRegistered Psychotherapist (3579)):
I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss.  There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy.  I think it's important to remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to deal with loss and the "best way" for you may not be the best way for someone else.  The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time.  Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions. When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty.  The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.) We never truly "get over" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Lucia SmithTherapy For People With Anxiety):
It's kind of like an audition.  You need to find someone who you feel comfortable with and respect.  Many therapists provide short, free, consultations.  That is a good way to see if they seem to understand and empathize with you in a way that puts you at ease.  If you have specific issues that you need to work on. look for someone who specializes in what is troubling you.  The therapist should be able to provide evidence-based treatment and should discuss with you why they think this is the best way to proceed.  Every counseling client should feel free to have input on their goals and desired outcomes.
Topic: relationships

Question: My boyfriend says he needs time to think about us
I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Your boyfriend may like you a lot as well.People have different styles of reflecting on their lives, one of which is to retreat the way you describe your boyfriend doing.One point you can consider is asking for a time frame of when he'd be ready to discuss his thoughts on your relationship.He's entitled to retreat, as much as you're entitled to talk.Cooperating with the other person's way of handling themselves is one aspect of relating.Since the anti-depressants are a concern for you, consider bringing up this topic when the two of you do talk.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Jane M Floyd, PsyDOur life is shaped by our mind for we become what we think; lets get started making progress in life):
A therapist should be willing to have an initial conversation to determine - both of you - if there is a good fit. Fit will be determined in ways such as do I feel a connection with this therapist, do they have skills in an area that I am struggling with, do I feel heard and listened to when we talk, are you making the progress you are seeking. Each therapist may have a different style but I have found the best way to work together is through collaboration, providing input to your needs and feedback when things are going well or if things need to change identify that as well
Topic: relationships

Question: I have a crush on my bestfriend's brother
I really like this guy and I think he likes me back, but his sister is my bestfriend. I'm afraid that if I tell her I have a crush on her brother she would loose it. I once told her I thought her brother was cute and she got really angry. I've gotten to know her brother better lately and I've realized he may actually feel the same way. I don't want to lose her friendship. What do I do?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Do you and the brother to whom you feel attracted, ever see each other or are in surroundings in which the sister/your friend, isn't?If yes, then this gives you the chance to find out whether you and the brother actually do like each other.If no, then definitely have a private and direct conversation with your friend about the fact you're attracted to the brother.Find out the reason your friend becomes angry to hear you like the brother.Anything is possible from, she'd like to warn you about qualities in her brother which you may not know and if you did, wouldn't like or react negatively.Or, if protection isn't your friend's reason, then maybe she's fearful to lose your friendship if you start a relationship with the brother.Friends are people who care about each others' lives.  Let your friendship with this girl work on behalf of each of you!
Topic: trauma

Question: My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?
There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
   I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
   Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
   How can I get my life back?

Answer (from Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR):
I'm so sorry that you have been haunted by the past for so long.  It must have been incredibly difficult to open up about something so dark and vulnerable.  But by shedding light on it you have already taken the first step toward healing.  Trauma can wreak havoc on relationships if it isn't healed.  In fact, we are all reacting to things every day based on perceptions colored by our past experiences.  The good news is, you can heal by gaining an understanding of how trauma from the past is affecting you now, developing healthy coping skills, and working through those memories and emotions with a therapist.  This will require some "rewiring of the brain," meaning that you will identify the negative thought patterns and beliefs, and replace them with something more helpful.  For example, if your negative reaction feels like "I'm abandoned and alone," you might work on changing it to "I can get my needs met, and I'll be okay regardless." Or if you find yourself feeling like "I'm not worthy of love," you might change that to something like "I deserve to be loved."Most likely, the reason you're pushing this man away is because something about this relationship is triggering negative beliefs and emotions from the past, and your reaction (by pushing him away) protects you in some way even though there may not be any real danger now.  You probably know this logically, but trauma gets stuck in our emotional mind which you can't reason with!  That's why you have to work through the emotions to be able to see things more clearly from a new and more helpful perspective.  I like to think of emotions like clouds that block the sun and make it difficult to see anything clearly.  If we ignore and avoid the clouds all the time then we will spend our lives looking at the ground.  If you can learn to safely weather the storm,  you'll find that before long it will pass and you'll be able to see things clearly again.I recommend working with a therapist who is trained in treating trauma and who you feel comfortable with because they will be able to tailor treatment to your specific needs.  You can have the happy life and healthy relationship you desire and deserve!
Topic: social-relationships

Question: How do I trust others?
I'm having problems shutting them out and putting up walls.

Answer (from Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor):
It sounds like you would like to let other people get close to you and at the same time you are finding yourself compelled to keep people at a distance. Often times, when we have difficulty trusting others, it is because we have specific fears about what would happen if we get close or let our guard down. Such fears may be rooted in past experiences in relationships in which we were hurt and or disappointed. In working with a therapist, you can gain insight into what is underneath your compulsion to put walls around yourself and develop ways to form authentic, lasting, satisfying relationships with others.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Dr. Melissa ValentinaHonor Yourself and Live Your Truth):
Just go! You start with the most prevalent issue by talking with your therapist. Healing one issue can have a ripple effect and heal other issues as well.
Topic: depression

Question: My family says I have depression
I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.    Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
   Are they right, am I depressed?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
The answer to the question of whether or not you're depressed, is less meaningful than what you are doing to feel strong and secure in your life.Otherwise, people shortcut themselves to go deeper in understanding who they are and what they'd like to do with their lives, and accept "depression" as though it is their new name.What you write sounds like classic depression.What to do about this feeling is to get closer to yourself in an accepting way.  Assume that what you do in daily living is somehow necessary.  Unless you are doing immoral or illegal actions to other people, to accept your own wishes as truth will open you to appreciate why you do what you do.Make believe you're interesting and find out more about who you are, if you have trouble to start with thinking of yourself as worth understanding.The more you appreciate who you are and your unique strengths, vulnerabilities and fears, the more these will dissolve by what seems on their own.In fact they will disappear bc you are believing in yourself and your ways.Good luck!
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: How can I cope with work related stress better?
I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
   What can I do to manage my stress?

Answer (from Gay Lee Schumann):
First, look at your own history.  At times, past trauma can make the current situation worse.  If you have ever experienced trauma, you may want to try addressing the traumatic experience directly so that you can see clearly to deal with the current situation.In addition, consider how your current boss, co-workers and/or company may be similar to your home life as a child.  Is your boss or the company like one or both of your parents?  Is a co-worker similar to a family member?  Could you be perceiving a work-related situation or a person at work the same as a family member because their words, actions or looks remind you of that person?  Ultimately, after asking yourself these questions and providing honest answers, it will help you to determine whether you are dealing with issues of the past or whether you are in a current toxic work enviornment.  From there, you can decide what you want for your future.