thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: marriage

Question: How do I get my husband to listen to me?
I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.    How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?

Answer (from Dr. Bonnie HowellNow in St. Petersburg, Fl):
Have the two of you ever discussed how you feel?  I know given the nature of your question that's probably not likely, but I'm going to suggest it any way.  He needs to understand that how you feel about this issue equates to not being as happy in the relationship as you could be or he thinks you are.  So start there, that may be more of an attention getter than "you never listen to me" yes I do etc.  Direct opener:  I'm not as happy in this relationship as I think we both deserve.  Pause, and if you won't let me talk about it then it's only going to get worse.  Then explain you don't feel listened to, you try to be a good listener but you don't feel you are getting the same in return.  If he interrupts put your hand up in the sign of a stop, then say please just let me finish.  You are right to raise this subject with him because a good marriage can't exist in a communication vacuum. In fairness to him, he needs to understand the seriousness of your concern and have a chance to do better.  If he refuses,  tell him you want to seek couples counseling then do it, with him or without him.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Christina McGrath Fair"Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean." -Thich Nhat Hanh):
No, it is natural for us to have a number of issues going on if we don't address the concerns we have in our lives. Seeking counseling can assist you in working on these issues individually as well as ways in which they intersect and impact each other.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I learn to be content and at peace?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend After being together for over 4 years. I truly believe I did the right thing, but omehow being single now has made me very needy and unsure of myself.
    I am seeing someone casually and I am losing my mind with anxiety about how he feels about me and this need for validation.
   How can I learn to be content and at peace with myself regardless of my career, relationship status, etc?

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):
It appears to me that you feel unmoored as a result of the break and the experience has triggered some self- doubt and anxiety. Your lack of self- belief seems to further propel you to seek validation from the person you are casually involved with.  One of the ways to find peace within yourself could be to engage in life and find fulfillment in healthy experiences.. Theorist  Karen  Horney considered  this approach a form of therapy.  She taught that most  individuals could thrive once their fears and anxieties had been alleviated. I hope that will practice self acceptance daily be using expressive writing to document the areas of your life you are thankful for and that bring you joy.
Topic: stress

Question: How can I be less stressed?
I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do?

Answer (from Kim HollingdaleMind-Body Approaches to Stress, Depression & Anxiety):
Our body reacts to stress typically by breathing more shallowly, increasing our heart rate and tensing our muscles - so one thing that I find really effective is to try to do the opposite of that, which sends the signal to our mind that we are relaxed. So that means, taking slower, fuller breaths and trying to relax any areas where we might be gripping our muscles. Check out meditation apps such as 'Breathe', which can talk you through a relaxing breath exercise. I recommend using the app daily, whether you feel stressed or not, and then also using it when you re feeling particular moments of stress - that way you are practicing the skill when you feel calm(wish) and it'll be ready and able to help you when stress hits hard.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer (from Christina McGrath Fair"Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean." -Thich Nhat Hanh):
This is actually pretty common. When winter hits, we tend to find ourselves huddled inside from the cold. Not to mention the sun is out for a much shorter time. It will be helpful to get as much sunlight as possible. Get outside when you can. Open up the blinds and drapes. Use a sunlight if you want to (amazon has some for reasonable prices). Stay connected to friends and family. Try to engage in activities that make you feel positive, productive, and connected.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Meg ElamAddiction and Wellness Specialist):
As a therapist and mother of four children (3 of whom are teenagers)...I hear your pain.  Raising children in our society is no joke.  Kids are under a tremendous amount of pressure from parents, peers, teachers, coaches and the list goes on and on.  Fear and anxiety can suffocate students particularly as they approach their high school years where they are bombarded with questions about their future and expected to select professions before they have even gone to college!!  I highly encourage the teens I work with to strive for balance in their lives- and we can model this for our children by how we choose to live!  Encourage your child to spend time with friends, join you for a yoga class, read a book, pick up a hobby or go out to exercise.  If your daughter continues to feel overwhelmed by stress, it would be a good idea to select a therapist for her to go speak with.  As much as we love our children, there are times where kids need to consult with a neutral 3rd party.  It can be a wonderful thing for kids to have a therapist whom they can confide in.
Topic: depression

Question: Why do I feel like I will never have a good career/amount to anything financially?
I'm in my early 20s. I've worked since two months after I turned 18. I have “plans.” I could become an electrician, or I could operate heavy machinery. I have goals, but I do nothing to try to meet them because I don't feel I can. I just want a better life for my fiancée and the kids than I did.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
If you're not following the goals you gave yourself, there are two possibilities.You don't really like your goals.You self-sabotage and prevent yourself from your own strengths and accomplishments.Think through each of these.If you've set goals which aren't true to your nature, then intuitively some part of you will reject them.If you self-sabotage, get in your own way from achieving what you truly would like, then ask questions of yourself around whether you feel undeserving of success.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What should I do after finding my boyfriend flirting on dating websites?
I found the guy I’m dating on dating websites. He was telling women that they were beautiful. He said it wasn’t him and that the phone was hacked. It has since happened two other times. He says he loves me and I’m the only girl he wants to be with, but I feel he is not telling me the truth.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I would suggest possibly talking about the type of relationship that both of you want to create. For example, you may want a relationship where honesty, listening, compassion, and romanticism are major parts. You could also see what your boyfriend wants.You may also consider taking five minutes to see if he will listen to your feelings about him being on the dating site and whether he can work to learn more about what you are experiencing with asking open-ended questions (not being answered with yes or no) and restating what you are saying to see if he has it right. After that, perhaps you could switch so that you can listen to his perspective for five minutes and learn more about what he is doing by asking open-ended questions.Remember that it takes two people to have  a relationship, so the choice is yours as to whether you choose to stay in the relationship and what kind of relationship you would like to have.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Patty FioreNext Step Counseling):
Therapy is a safe space where clients can allow themselves to experience feelings that they have not, otherwise expressed elsewhere. Crying is absolutely "normal" and it allows the client to process their feelings.
Topic: anxiety

Question: What do I do when I have anxiety attacks?
I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes.

Answer (from Wendy BangerterAwarefull; an evolution of Mindfulness):
Anxiety is simply your system communicating to you that you are in danger. The issue that I see in most of my clients is that they try to reason with this anxiety. You do not reason with sensory states in the body. If your system tells your in danger (your stomache feels like it is knots, your heart is beating out of your chest,) validate by just being present with it. Take your breath to it. Breath in and out of that space. Say ok, I am in danger. I always tell my clients, "a crying baby wants to be held, not told to shut up." Listen to your system, validate it like you do a child and see what happens.
Topic: marriage

Question: Is my marriage worth saving?
All we do is argue. We never agree on anything.

Answer (from Brandon CoussensCouples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy):
Simply, Yes!Just because you argue, does not mean your marriage is not worth it. Couples disagree. They are different people from different worlds with different likes and dislikes. Trying to mesh these different worlds is tough, but does not mean you don’t need to not be married.There are reasons why couples don’t get along. Finding out why you cannot compromise and working towards similar goals can help. Talking about what you really want out of the marriage and relationship may show y’all how much your relationship goals are similar. Then you can build upon that.Learning communication skills, listening skills and ways to improve your ability to express self without anger can help.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Ryan  LynchCertified Sex Therapist):
I would recommend having her talk to a therapist. The stress and anxiety she is demonstrating could be completely unrelated to school. If she is adamant about it being school related, try reinforcing with her that  you are happy with her performance and that need to be so hard on herself. Often kids will develop their own critical expectations of themselves that they feel are what their parents expect, regardless of that being accurate.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I hold onto my marriage when there is no common bond or intimacy?
We can't hold a conversation together. The blame is always pointed at me. We have no intimacy.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
How recent is your awareness of a lack of intimacy?If this is recent or sudden then the best road forward is have a conversation with your partner on the way you feel.Depending on the result and whether you'd like to try this conversation several times in order to see your partner's receptivity to explain their side, you will know how likely the lack of intimacy will continue.If you are living with a lack of intimacy for what feels like a long time, such as a few years, and your partner is unwilling to talk with you about it, then you may have reached the end of the road of intimacy returning.Whether or not you'd want to live this way becomes the next question.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I know what my sexual orientation is?
I have been noticing myself really enjoying watching/reading about gay or lesbian couples. I've also been imagining what it might be like to date a girl, and I like the idea. I also find guys cute too. Does this make me bisexual?

Answer (from Traci LowenthalLGBTQAffirmative Therapist ):
Hello!  Thank you for your question.  Exploring your sexual orientation and attraction is a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself!  I would be curious to know what feelings you might have related to the possibility of being bi; What messages you may have received related to this orientation and any concerns you have about possible sexual orientations.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
What about large crowds leads you to feel angry? I can
understand your not liking or enjoying being around other people.  Animals are often more compassionate.  It sounds like you experience a lot of social
anxiety?  Would you feel comfortable
starting out with smaller groups of people, maybe people who share your
interest, especially around animals? 
Maybe practice topics of conversation you feel confident to discuss
which could take the pressure off being in a social setting.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I be less paranoid at night?
I'm currently up paranoid about, well, everything. I can't get to sleep, and I have a feeling of being watched constantly. I have extreme depression and anxiety. I'd really like to not be this paranoid and go to bed. I've tried night lights, ambiance, and warm baths.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Would you possibly feel less paranoid if you talk with someone at the moments you feel paranoid?    There are mental health hotlines, so maybe speaking with someone would release your fear enough so you'd fall back asleep.Also, maybe go to bed only if you're really, really tired.  This way your own body will draw your mental state into going to sleep.Do you understand why the paranoia only affects you during the night.   Usually paranoia comes when it wants to, and is not limited to nighttimes.Maybe it is only fear and anxiety, not paranoia you have.
Topic: self-harm

Question: What would happen if I got caught cutting myself in school?

Answer (from Leonard PikaardWhen you're ready, help is here.):
Firstly, I am so sorry for the stressful things in your life that make you feel like you may want to self-harm. There are many ways you can get help, including talking to a friend, family member, school counselor or  independent therapist. You can even reach out for free over text to Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741Although it is hard to accurately predict what might happen if someone cut themselves in school, the response could be anywhere from something as minimal as a conversation (unlikely) to as severe as being admitted to a hospital or psychiatric ward. It is brave of you to reach out for information and help; please keep doing so, and take good care of yourself.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Joel DaughertyFaith-based Counselor in Lake Charles, LA):
As parents, it's hard not to have "freak out" moments when our children are being bullied, stressed, or exhibit other symptoms of teenage angst. We walk a delicate balance of letting go and giving autonomy to our teens get older. Adolescents are learning how to be functional adults and it's important to allow them to try (and sometimes fail) in managing their emotions. Grades are a pretty good indicator of how a student is doing, overall. If your daughter has a 4.0 and there's no pattern of "crying and freaking out" I'd offer gentle support and encourage her to find ways to relax when she's stressed. If her grades start to decline and her crying spells become more frequent, a call to a counselor who specializes in teens might be in order. Good luck!
Topic: social-relationships

Question: How do I learn to let go of past problems and live one day at a time?
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Would you describe yourself as sensitive to your surroundings and emotions?If yes, this may explain why letting go of past problems, is itself a problem.The dynamic of living one day at a time and letting go of past problems, is more imaginary and wishful than real.It is a popular notion of TV, FB, and media.Doing the letting go, has nothing to do with what is actually possible to do.Problems are not "let go", they are resolved somehow.Living one day at a time isn't possible for anyone who has consciousness.  No one can really disconnect from reality every day on which they wake up.Instead of trying to do the impossible which is promoted online and in media, allow yourself time to recognize what went into creating a problem in your life, in the first place.  Understanding problems leads to peacefulness and resolution.  Then you will have more freedom to make new relationships.Also, be patient with this process and yourself.If you have deep attachment to painful situations in your life, then possibly now is your time for understanding what went wrong.This is a process which cannot be rushed if it is to be done well.If it is done thoroughly, then you very naturally will bring new relationships into your life.And life will no longer feel so painful that you can only manage "one day at a time" without hurting.  You won't need to forget what happened yesterday.
Topic: parenting

Question: I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore
I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it.
   I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
Honestly, you can't deal with it alone. It sounds like you need resources to physically escape first, that sounds like the immediate issue. Plus, you need a game plan for how you respond to your parents until you leave. You are real! You do know that, right? Like pinch yourself... did you feel that? You are a person, you have feelings, did you know that? How much longer do you want to feel this way? Let's find a way for you to get out and get healthy. You and your child need that! Please find someone who can help you to get the help you need, there are a bunch of therapists here, just waiting to help you, like really help you. The first step is to reach out, through a phone call and leave a VM if they don't pick up or emailing them to schedule a session. Hope this is helpful!
Topic: intimacy

Question: Am I a lesbian because I love a girl?
I’m in love with my friend who is also a girl. I fell in love with her in a few months. That was my first love. We used to talk for the whole day and night over the phone and on Facebook. I thought she had the same feelings for me, but I was wrong. I always wanted to touch her warmly and stay with her all my life. But all my dreams get broken apart after she got into a relationship with a guy. I’ve tried to be in relationship with guys, but I can’t be in love with them.

Answer (from Angie StonesThe future depends of what you do in the present!):
It all depends how old you are and what a particular situation is.  You may be feeling very close to this friend and mistake that feeling for sexual feeling, or the feelings may be real. This is something you will find out for yourself, however, it definitely doesn't mean that you are a lesbian just because you have those feelings for this particular person. Time will tell, but if you need to discuss this, you could see your school councelor (if you are at school/university) or find a LGBT group with meetings and discuss this with them. I hope this is helpful.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I help myself and change my behavior?
I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,    I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.    How can I help myself to change my behavior?

Answer (from Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist):
The best way to handle anxiety of this level is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the anxiety. This is not something that anyone should just “white knuckle” and try to get through on their own with no help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety. This takes a therapist trained in CBT. You will learn to recognize when and why you perform the behavior of hitting your head, help you deal with the underlying cause of this, and replace the behavior with a more positive behavior. You'll learn coping skills.You mention having a rough childhood. Anyone who has experienced trauma like this, especially long-term ongoing trauma from abuse of any kind, definitely does not need "exposure therapy", which is what is recommended for phobias. You need a therapist trained specifically in trauma informed therapy.You are on the right path by recognizing there is an issue and what it is. Good luck with your healing journey!