thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: anxiety

Question: I always fear that people are judging me
I know this fear doesn't make sense. How can I overcome it?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Your fear may not seem "rational" but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense!  There's 100% a reason for why this fear happens for you.  Most everyone has this fear because we are social animals and need to care what others think of us sometimes.  When it becomes a bigger issue is when it keeps you from enjoying your life or interferes with your functioning.Do you think it may have to do with uncertainty of what others may be thinking of you? Or that people will ultimately reject you? Sometimes when we don't know what others think, we assume they judge.  This is especially true if you've experienced direct judgment or bullying in your past, or if a significant parent or caregiver in your life made you feel shame.When I have a client that often fears others are judging them, I have them list out the evidence they see to support that.  What evidence is there to tell you that someone is judging you?  If you take something as evidence, also ask yourself if they behave the same with other people.  When we fear judgment, we often micro-analyze and misinterpret people's body language to mean something it doesn't.  It can also help to make a mental or actual list of other possibilities.  Most people are concerned about what others are thinking of them, so it's possible people you interact with are wondering what you think of them.  It's also possible they are judging you positively--what are some things in this category that people have told you about how they see you?  Sometimes taking feedback from people closest to you whom you trust can be the most accurate representation of how others may see you.  Counseling could be a great option as well because I guarantee these fears will show up in sessions and that's GOOD.  It gives you a chance to process them with someone who will help you understand these fears and may even give you genuine feedback about how they perceive you (at the right time).  It can be very healing!
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I get over a person I fell in love with?
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before.    I feel like I don't want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered "wrong" by a lot of people.
   How can I get myself to just move on?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Love is a deep and nuanced feeling so start to accept that a simple cutting of emotional connection isn't possible.Honor the love you felt for this person.  Acknowledgement of your love feelings will most likely help you find a dignified way to accept them while at the same time slowly developing new ways to live your life in a way which does not include the actual person.Your feelings will always belong to you.  The newly discovered sense of how love feels will be with you and positively influence all your relationships.  There is a benefit to feeling loved even if it is not forever in this lifetime.Also, your partner opened your feelings, the feelings which showed in fact already were within you.  He opened the door and this door belongs to you.I hope you will find ways to appreciate having been loved and to be open that your feelings of being loved are a positive influence in all your relationships.
Topic: parenting

Question: Does my daughter have a mental disability?
My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

Answer (from Leonard PikaardWhen you're ready, help is here.):
At times when a child is not displaying milestone behavior at the same rate that is average for their peers, this should raise concern, so you are correct in reaching out for advice. Speaking with your child's pediatrician, as well as school staff may be the first places to start. You can request that she receive an assessment and evaluation, with a subsequent treatment plan to meet any needs she may have.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Larry BaumgartnerReal Life Solutions for Real Life Problems):
The conversation on the phone is critical.  it goes both ways, sometimes you just feel in their tone and words that you could be a match. Ask the Therapist questions if you have them. Not every Therapist is a good fit for every client. Not every client is a good fit for every Therapist.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How can I get into a relationship with a girl?
All my friends have either hooked up or had a girlfriend but me. I try to be happy for them, but I get really upset every time they hook up.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
If you mean “hooked up” as having sex with no care for the person, and you’d like a girlfriend, then realize relationships require more complex alignment with a partner than being a sex buddy.Pay attention to all your feelings toward a girl so that you’ll approach someone who attracts you for reasons in addition to sexual allure.Also, the process of knowing someone takes much more time than only to sleep with someone.Have patience and kindness toward yourself while you get to know the qualities which attract you to a potential girlfriend.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Robin K. SchnitzlerCouples reclaiming connection!):
That is such a hard place to be. Usually when we ask that question, we are struggling with weighing the "good" from the "bad." Here are some questions to ask yourself:1. Do I like myself when I'm with my partner, or do I struggle to feel positive about myself with them?2. Do I feel like I show up in the world as a better person, because my partner is in my life?3. Do I feel like our relationship is reciprocal - that is, are we both giving and taking in some ways?4. Am I attached to this PERSON, or am I having trouble with ending a relationship in which I had a lot of hopes and dreams? 5. Am I staying in this relationship because I am afraid of being alone or feeling judged by my partner or others?Sometimes it is enough to take stock on our own or with the support of friends and family. Other times, it can be helpful to work with a therapist to untangle what is at the heart of feeling stuck, in order to move forward. I wish you all the best.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What should I do about my husband's emotional affair with his ex-wife?
My husband had an emotional affair with his ex-wife in November. She invited him to dinner, alone, with their daughter. I wasn’t aware of this until after 11pm when I asked where he was. He had been drinking, and I told him not to come home that night. The next morning, we talked about going to counseling. He went out that night with friends and said his ex-wife wasn't going. I found out in April that she did go. I gave him the chance to get everything out in the open. I found out that he stayed that second night with her. I asked if they slept in the same bed, and he said yes, both nights. His daughter wasn't there the second night. He claims they didn't have sex, but what else should I think?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I agree with you that professional counseling is a wise choice for your relationship.Your husband may not know, want to know or want to discuss with you, what his true feelings are toward you and the ex.The topic is very heated, which is why discussing these matters alone may do more harm than good,Usually people start deeply complex emotional matters discussion and get so upset the conversation goes off track and unintended hurts happen.In a therapist office, the two of you will be guided on talking about these critical areas and this will be much more productive than trying to do so only with the two of you.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How does counseling end?
How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

Answer (from Kevin MimmsBuilding Better Connections):
It is usually time to end counseling sessions when it is clear to both the client and the counselor that therapeutic goals have been reached and enough improvement has been made that the client can continue without that support. There are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part this is when counselors begin termination. For some clients, this is an easy process that marks the achievements they have made in working through their emotions and difficulties. For some other clients, however, this is a difficult process in which they are losing a valuable support and are understandably anxious about what life will be like without the frequent meetings. Ultimately, termination is different for everyone, and there are many ways that termination can be healthy and helpful.
Topic: addiction

Question: How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction?

Answer (from Meg ElamAddiction and Wellness Specialist):
Does your husband WANT to get over his drinking addiction?  Motivation is a critical component of recovery....and it can't be just your motivation!   When a loved one is immersed in their addiction, we often feel as though we have lost them.  When he is ready to get help there are a lot of wonderful programs out there including: AA meetings, SMART recovery, faith based programs and online services.  It is always a good idea to have a medical evaluation prior to making major adjustments to your drinking patterns as his body may literally be dependent on alcohol.  In the meantime, what you do have 100% control over is what you accept in your life and the boundaries you set to protect your well being.  Spend some time focusing on what you want in your life?  What are some changes you can make to protect yourself?  Maybe it's time you saw a therapist, joined a support group, engaged in a new hobby!  And...try not to "rescue" your husband too much!  Natural consequences can be a great thing for our loved ones that are struggling in their addiction.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I take care of my depression from a breakup?
I have been falling into a deep depression where I can no function during the day and night. The only time I am at peace is when I’m asleep. If I am with friends, family, at work, and mainly alone, I cannot think straight. I no longer feel like myself.

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
It is common to go through a stage of adjustment after a breakup, which may include depression symptoms. I recommend practicing self-care:  stressing on balancing your life with healthy eating, exercise, resting and looking at your spiritual life.  These steps should assist you in giving your body and mind some balance.  Practice cognitive reframing, this is training your brain to refocus, and stay on task.  Meditation is a great tool to clear your mind during the day as well; there are multiple apps that help. If the problem persists a therapist could assist you in learning to focus and process those thoughts and feelings that cloud you mind.¿Cómo puedo manejar la depresión después de una separación?He estado cayendo en una depresión profunda que no me permite funcionar durante el día. El único memento en el que estoy en calma es cuando duermo.  Si estoy con mis amigos, familia, en el trabajo o a solas, no puedo pensar claramente. Ya no me siento como yo.Es común pasar por un estado de ajuste después de una separación, y este ajuste puede incluir síntomas de depresión.  Recomiendo que practiques auto compasión: esforzarte en balancear tu vida comiendo saludable, ejercitándote, descansando y analizando tu vida espiritual.  Estos pasos te ayudarán a balancear tu mente y cuerpo.  También puedes practicar reenfocar tus pensamientos para mantener tu mente clara. La meditación es una buena manera de practicar el enfoque mental, y existen muchas aplicaciones que te pueden ayudar.  Si el problema persiste tu consejero te puede ayudar a aprender técnicas de enfoque a procesar pensamientos  o sentimientos que te estén afectando.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My husband only has sex with me once a month or less
I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like "I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?"When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word "why." That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with "what makes" Instead. For example, "what made you choose not to do that?"
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: What are some physical signs of psychosis?
I just need to know if I'm really crazy or not.

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
Do an internet research on psychosis symptoms and see if you have several of the symptoms.  If you do, seek a medical evaluation from your primary care physician.  There are great medications and psychotherapy that can help you live your life to the fullest.  There a many people who are diagnosed with psychosis and living a productive life.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Susan HaberkornOnline Christian Counseling for Women):
If you are seeking personal development and challenge resolution in a Christian context, I am the right counselor for you. I will balance the needs of your temperament with scripture, prayer, and cognitive therapy techniques.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Tara Green, LCSWFeel alive again; solution focused and goal oriented therapy):
It sounds like your daughter is under a lot of pressure! Sometimes the students who are the highest achievers tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves to stay at a 4.0 and to maintain an image they have of themselves or think they should have of themselves! This part is not abnormal as many children this age find themselves in this situation! School has become very competitive and it is impacting our youth! You are right to be concerned that all  the stress is not healthy for her and you don't want her to burn out.  Try to get her to talk to you or another trusted adult about her feelings so she can work through some of the stressors she is feeling in her life and learn appropriate coping skills to help manage her feelings.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why do I always feel like I'm being watched?
I often get the feeling that I'm being watched, like video cameras are hidden wherever I am, even at home. I feel like people can see all that I do and are reading my thoughts. Things I read or hear on the radio seem to be about (or meant for) me, and people are talking about me when they whisper.

Answer (from Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor):
It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with worry about being continuously monitored, with no privacy even in your own mind, and as if people are constantly saying things about you in whispers on in the media. It's hard to say from a post online what is at the root of this experience, but you may be able to get insight into that, as well as develop ways of coping with the distress of feeling this way, with the help of a good therapist. There is no pill or technique that can guarantee that this experience will go away, though it might, however, there are things that you can do so that you can understand it better and so that it does not have such an impact on your ability to lead a satisfy life.
Topic: parenting

Question: Should my step-daughters be told that their step-father has a child pornography addiction?
My husband’s ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband’s ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Lorain, you're correct that your husband's ex-wife is (seriously) minimizing this problem. I have a very strong opinion here. In my book, the safety of children trumps potentially insulting or hurting the feelings of adults. Of course the girls should be told, because they have the right to know. Their voice is not the only one I'm concerned about here though. I believe your husband has the right to insist that his daughters be in a safe home, and there is clear evidence this man is not safe. This woman is putting her own comfort (she simply doesn't want to deal with her partner's situation, her own fears, or anyone else's needs) above the safety of two vulnerable girls. Honestly, if it was me, my kids wouldn't be even visiting that home with that man present, "repented" or not. It's not worth the risk. If she decides to stay with him, the natural consequence of having a known perpetrator in your home is not having access to vulnerable children in that same home.
Topic: parenting

Question: Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment?
My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment.

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
Parents are to teach discipline to children, not punishment.   Punishment is another word for wanting to cause hurt.  There is a different in discipline and punishment.  Punishment could have long term affects on a child's self image and growth.  It can lead to others issues such as bullying from peers as well.  Whatever your grandson has done, there is a much better way of getting him to understand that his actions are not acceptable.  Punishment is not one them.  Encourage the step-mother to build a positive relationship with him, this way he will learn to respect and trust her.  His actions would improve.  She may need to attend a parenting class for blended families.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I love myself?
I was anxious to go to middle school. I was afraid of what people might say about me, so when school started, I wasn't acting like myself. I was quiet, which I'm usually not. I didn't talk to anybody and didn't have any friends. Then a few years later, my grandma died. I really became depressed and stop going to school for a little. I hated myself and still do. I just need help. I need someone to care for me. I need someone to show that they care.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
I agree; you need more care and support. No one deserves to feel alone, or like they hate themselves. We're all wonderful, imperfect, complicated people and we're at our best when we're all helping each other. I'm glad you wrote this question, because a lot of people have this feeling sometimes. I can tell that you're smart, because you seem to sense that the two things you wrote about are connected...you "not being yourself", and then how you felt when your grandma died. When Grandma died, you needed and deserved extra love and support, but the people around you didn't seem to give it to you, maybe. My hunch is that they wanted to, but that they didn't know how much you needed it, or what you needed exactly. The older you get, the more you will have to take charge of letting people know what you need. Maybe this is one of the suckier parts of being mature, but that's how it works. When you started middle school, it sounds like you changed; you got more quiet, right? That must have felt weird, to not be acting like yourself. It sounds like fear tricked you into thinking people wouldn't like you. Fear can be silly. So then, fear got you to not show yourself, and when we don't show ourselves, people can't see who we are; they don't know us as well and then they don't know what we need and they can't care for us as well either. Fear of not being liked isolated you from the people who love you. It does that to a lot of us. So, where you're at right now is because of what fear did to you, and also because when Grandma died you were already isolated so people couldn't see your pain and know that you needed support. There's a simple solution, but you'd have to be brave enough to look fear in the face and say "Get off my back!". "You're not helping me by telling me lies." Can you be brave enough to go back to your old, louder, self? If you talk to the people closest to you...tell them what you think and how you feel, then they'll be able to give you the care that you want and deserve. I wish you well as you try this!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from David RouttPresident and Clinical Counselor at Totius Therapies):
The easiest way to start the counseling process is to do a little research online. A quick search for the type of counseling you are looking for can be helpful. There are lots of Counselors out there to choose from, so many times you will have to take it a few steps further than that. Check out their website, social media, and any reviews (but remember, people are not always very nice). If you plan on using insurance to pay for at least part of the services, look for one that is in your network. You can find out if someone is in your network by looking for providers on your insurance's website. If your coverage isn't that great and you know you're going to be paying for it all anyway (because you're an all-star and verified your coverage already with the insurance company), then you can really pick any Counselor you want, but working with one that is at least out of network will give you the benefit of having it applied to your deductible. If you have any questions about that process or just want some help in getting your benefits from the insurance company once you've started counseling, Better is a good option. Once you've found a Counselor you think is a good fit for you, normally the best step to take here is to call and schedule your very first appointment. With many Counselors you can now send an email, but a phone call can normally tell you quite a bit about someone and their clinic. Once you're all scheduled, they will either get you to do some paperwork before you come in, or many times they just let you fill it out once you get there. From there, all you have to do is show up!