thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day
I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk.    In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol.    But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

Answer (from Mark RoseIntervention and Addiction Services ):
I offer that getting a professional assessment is in order to look at your relationship with alcohol.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How do I cope with losing my mom

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
I'm so sorry you lost your mom.  Grief is a tough process.  Usually the pain from loss doesn't go away, but changes in ways that are manageable for your life.  When most people lose someone, others offer a lot of support.  After a while that support tapers off even though your need for support doesn't.  It's important to identify people or resources that can be there for you when you are still hurting.  Do you have anyone in your life that is pretty constant?  There are also many grief support groups online (e.g., https://www.griefshare.org/), and are usually some in person depending on your area.  These may be temporarily discontinued due to the COVID-19 situation, though they may be doing these groups online as a way to offset the social distancing requirements.I know nothing about what your relationship with your mom was, the manner in which she passed, or how old you are, but many times that can come with some pretty complicated emotions.  I also don't know if you lost your mom through death--some people lose a parent via abandonment or a disease, such as dementia.  No matter what the situation is, whatever pain shows up for you is completely OK.  Many people feel much more than sadness, especially if the relationship with their loved one was problematic or if the loss was unexpected or traumatic.  It's normal to feel intense anger, guilt, feelings of disbelief, even happiness or relief.  Grief does not have the same path for everyone and whatever path you are on is not wrong.When I work with a client that has had a significant loss, there are a number of things I may work on with them.  One is letter writing.  This isn't for everybody and some people need support and guidance with this.  Sometimes there are things we feel have been unsaid and it can provide a sense of closure.  For some people it helps feel connected to that person again.  Closure is not necessary to be able to move through grief, but it can be helpful.  If the client feels it would be useful, we also try to find a way to honor that person.  That may be through talking about them, having a monthly or yearly ritual, or carrying on a tradition they enjoyed.  It also depends on the culture you come from as well.  Many different cultures have different beliefs about death and loss and the ways they think of or honor their loved one.  Stick with what you feel speaks to your heart.Of course, a counselor who specializes in grief may be a great option.  You can find someone in your area or online in your specific state that has the training for that.  Counselors without that specialization may also be able to provide you some help--I don't know any counselors who haven't had training in this area.  Counselors are usually happy to answer your questions about their qualifications.I hope this helps you find some support!
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do couples keep from being at risk for divorce?

Answer (from Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant):
The Gottmans have been studying relationships in their "love lab" for over 4 decades and what they've found is pretty awesome. There are 4 things that, when added together and built up over time, predict divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt & stonewalling. These behaviors lead towards emotional disengagement over time and will eat away at your positive feelings towards one another. The awesome news is that they've also identified antidotes; gentle start ups, taking responsibility, discussing your feelings and needs (not to be confused with what you need from your partner) and self soothing. No couple can ever truly eliminate saying/doing the wrong thing, that's ok though because sustaining your marriage isn't about always getting it right, it's about knowing/learning how to repair when your get it wrong. To learn more, pick up a copy of Gottman's "The 7 Principals For Making Marriage Work" or seek out a Gottman trained couples therapist.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer (from Susan HaberkornOnline Christian Counseling for Women):
You are a unique individual exhibiting some of the traits of a specific type of temperament. Through temperament counseling you can come to know, accept, and manage your God-given temperament to become all that God intended. There is nothing wrong with you -- God loves you as you are and wants to help you balance your temperament needs.
Topic: depression

Question: I've been feeling sadness
When I get around a particular person or when I go home, I'm just sad or irritated. The feeling comes and goes all day every day. I don't know what wrong. I'm not sure if I'm just making up symptoms and problems in my head or if there is something actually wrong.

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
Feelings are real, is very unlikely that you are making them up since they are a response to the thoughts in your mind and your daily experiences and interactions. Often we assume that feeling sadness is bad and that we should only feel happiness and joy; but all feelings have a purpose: joy, sadness, anger, frustration, excitement, anxiety, among others.   Is not healthy to experience the same feeling for a long time, so we should learn to identify what causes them and how to process them so you can navigate through life experiences with more ease. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas, currently providing services in West Houston.  You may reach me at 787-466-5478 to schedule an appointment.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Me he estado sintiendo tristeCuando salgo con una persona en particular o cuando llego a casa, estoy triste o irritado.  El sentimiento viene y va todo el día. No sé qué está mal.  No estoy seguro si estoy inventando los síntomas y problemas en mi cabeza o si algo realmente está mal. Los sentimientos son muy reales, y es muy poco probable que los estés inventando, por que los sentimientos son una respuesta tanto a los pensamientos que hay en nuestra cabeza, y, a las situaciones que nos ocurren día a día.  Muchas veces pensamos que sentirnos triste está mal, y que solo debemos sentirnos alegres, pero todas las emociones tienen un propósito y razón de ser, tanto la alegría, como la tristeza, el coraje, la frustración, la excitación o el desespero, entre otros.  No es bueno quedarnos estancados una emoción.  Así que es importante aprender a identificar que causa nuestros sentimientos, como procesarlos para poder superar nuestras emociones y movernos de una experiencia a otra con más tranquilidad. 
Soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Texas y Puerto Rico, veo clientes en el este de Houston y proveo servicios de tele terapia.  Para una cita puedes llamar al 787-466-5478.
Topic: trauma

Question: Could a car accident add more problems to my posttraumatic stress disorder?
I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?

Answer (from David RouttPresident and Clinical Counselor at Totius Therapies):
There are many types of traumas, and they certainly can compound on one another as you experience them. Without treating the traumas, or incidents where you felt there was a significant risk to your safety or that of others, there can be a cumulative effect. What we have learned in the mental health field from studying traumas, is that the body as a whole responds to these stressors in order to keep you safe during the events. If the body does not realize that it no longer needs to respond in this way because the event is now over, and then receives a trigger from a new event, it makes sense that the new event could cause additional issues. Both of these events can be addressed with the help of a Counselor. There are many Counselors that specialize in trauma inside and outside of the VA, so shop around if you are able and find someone that you connect with.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Heather BradleyHelping you heal from trauma and live meaningful lives):
Oftentimes we can change our feelings about ourselves by building a better relationship with ourself.  It sounds like there is a very critical aspect of your self that is alive and taking over.  Sometimes when we are stuck it is because a part of ourselves, a way that perhaps we learned to cope with difficult situations earlier in our lives, has decided to run the show.  Like a highly critical part that may actually be desperately attempting to protect us from a past hurt. Slowing down and even forming a relationship with this critical internal part will help you get some space from it.  When we can begin to observe parts of ourselves, be curious about them, get to know them like a new friend, then we have room for other ways of being.  Beginning therapy could be a great way to change this feeling of worthlessness.  Beginning to build a better relationship and understanding of yourself will deeply influence the relationships around you.  This first step may feel hard, to reach out to someone, and it could be the beginning step to a path of radically shifting your relationship with yourself and others in your life.
Topic: spirituality

Question: I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion
I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

Answer (from Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here):
I encourage you to reach out to a counselor and get support. They can help you navigate your own feelings, and talk to you about how you can talk to your family. There are resources for you and for them and I see that some of the other counselors here have shared those resources with you. We don't know for sure how your family will react if and when you talk to them. However, it is important to consider how not telling them is limiting your life and the expression of your preferred gender. My concern is for you and how this might be having an impact on you. Working with a therapist might give you some insights into how you might tell your family. It might create an opportunity for you to also tell them with the assistance of a professional. Ultimately, you know what is best for you and telling them is your decision, and I encourage you to weigh out all the options with a therapist. I wish you the best of luck.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life
We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Not in my book. You're only two months in? At this early stage, this is a bit of a warning sign. If he can't accept or feel comfortable with who you are and decisions you've made, there's already a level of discomfort here that shouldn't be ignored. No, he doesn't have the right to penalize you or punish you ...not just for past things...not for anything. What he does get to do it tell you how it affects him. Sure...if he feels uncomfortable or needs reassurance...listen to those things. But If he doesn't dig who you are, maybe he can walk the other way.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why am I scared to touch a girl?
I don't know if I'm normal. I'm really scared to touch a girl. I'm a young adult and a virgin. My fiancée and I want to have sex soon, and this might mess everything up because she wants a baby soon as well.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Only going off of the information in your question, it seems like you maybe have some performance anxiety and fear disappointing your fiance.  Fear can be tricky in the sense that it quite often masquerades as something that seems under our control.  For example, your fear of touching a girl may actually be a fear of being incompetently intimate or a bad fiance--It's easier to deal with those fears by avoiding touch because that gives you control and how else would you deal with those fears? I wonder if your fiance can be of any help to you.  It's scary to admit fears to people close to us but they can also offer some of the best support if that's been something you've experienced with her in the past.It sounds like you are really hard on yourself as well.  It's normal to have anxiety about your first time having sex---that's a really special milestone!  Maybe it's worth looking into performance anxiety tips?  That can help you feel more prepared without removing the spontaneity of intimacy.If it feels like nothing is working for you, you could see a counselor or sex therapist to explore more of that fear.  It's nothing to be ashamed about because it does happen to both men and women!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Francesca Steele MS, LMHC, CHTsoulspeak wellness florida, inc.):
Yes, absolutely. In therapy you will be delving into topics and feelings that are often suppressed throughout daily life. As you explore many emotions may come up, anger, disappointment, grief, frustration, sadness, to name a few. These and many other emotions often lead to crying and your therapist will be there to hold space and support you through it. Crying is a very healthy release of energy so feeling comfortable enough with your therapist that it happens during session is a great thing!
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Dr. John Frampton):
You do not have too many issues to address in counseling.  And your perseverance will serve you well if you choose to engage in therapy.  The trauma and medical event you experienced topped off with chronic sleepless nights would lead to feelings of depression for many.  The emotional reaction you've had to these experiences sounds normal albeit troublesome and I would imagine intensely painful at times as well.  Therapy can help prioritize what is the most impactful issue you are grappling with.  I find in therapy that when the central issue is revealed, understood, processed, and understood again in its current context, many other areas of the person's internal experience improve.  It sounds as though something has prevented you from seeking help from a counselor in the past, and it sounds as though you are more seriously considering it now.  Therapy helps and it can help you when you're ready.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I let go of someone who continues to hurt me
Ive been in an on an off relationship with a this man for almost 3 years. Even though I care about him, he continues to hurt me.    He and his wife were separated when we met. Now he's going through a really difficult divorce from her and is taking it really hard. I want to end this relationship, but I don't feel like I can. How can I let go?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
First decide what you truly would like in the current relationship. Understand your reasons for staying in the relationship.Three years is a substantial amount of time to be involved with someone.   Whatever attachment you feel toward this man is deep and complex.Instead of deciding to leave or not leave, change your question to figuring out your satisfactions and dissatisfaction with the man. Also important is to tell the man your feelings.Whatever problem you are feeling may become clarified by discussing what bothers you.At the very least, you will give the guy a chance to show how interested he actually is in the tension you currently feel and have felt for a while.
Topic: depression

Question: Is my moodiness just a phase or do I need help?
I'm a teenager and I I go through periods of moodiness. I have extreme feelings (but I bury them), and then I feel nothing - just empty and emotionless.
   I have trust issues, low self esteem,ban extreme fear of abandonment, and I constantly reevaluate my relationships. I also don't know who I am as a person. I'm not happy overall, but I'm not suicidal. Can I just feel happy?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Sometimes the way to feel happy is to address all the questions you just described.Teenage years are the first time any of us starts to feel and recognize our uniqueness.  The fact that you recognize your great range of feelings, as uncomfortable as they may sometimes be, is healthy.Also healthy is that you are asking for opinions of therapists who would be familiar with when a range of feelings shows an out of the ordinary problem.One path to take is to reflect on the topics you wrote here and especially to ask yourself your reasons for how the problem started and what it would take for it to resolve.Do you have trust issues because someone broke your trust? You're entitled to a repair of your trust by the other person.   Even if the person never offers this to you, to know you deserve to be restored to whole, may help you feel more secure.The same is true with the other topics, abandonment and relationships generally.The more you continue to value your unique understanding, expectations, and standards, the more likely you'll create relationships which do not have these qualities, and you will restore your sense of hope that other people may treat you in a fair and kind way.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How do I stop sneaking away from home at night?
I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?

Answer (from Kevin MimmsBuilding Better Connections):
Hi,When we can't stop doing things that we know are wrong, it can help to take a closer look at how we make our decisions. Usually we are getting something good out of these bad behaviors, such as feeling excited or taking our minds off of bad things. It is really hard to change these things without helping us get the good effect in a more healthy way. I hope this helps.
Topic: anger-management

Question: How do I deal with my son's violent thoughts and dreams?
My son claims that hes been having extremely violent thoughts and dreams. Not violent like he's hurting someone, but violent thoughts like horrible things happening to his loved ones. He explained one of his dreams the other day and it was so violent it was sickening. It was far beyond anything in a horror movie, he says he can't help these thoughts they just pop up. Please help!

Answer (from Jorge TovarTherapist):
Let me start my stating this is important to take seriously - taking to his PCP, getting a referral to a pediatric specialist, and getting him to a relational psychotherapist would be my first tasks. I wont label this occurrences as "normal" yet it is important to note these things do occur. My first observation is to say that it is a tremendous advantage that your son is communicating what he is experiencing. I'd encourage him to continue to do so, no matter the extent of his thoughts - his trust of you being able the handle his experience is of utmost importance. His containment and sense of security is also dependent on your reaction to what he shares. Seek professional help, communicating your support, including a plan of action, and reassuring him you will figure this out together will help you as you begin.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?
My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my mental health.

Answer (from Traci LowenthalLGBTQAffirmative Therapist ):
Could you tell her ?  What would happen if you said "Mom, I love you and I really want to share myself with you, but often I you get upset and I don't want that to happen. I really want to be able to talk to you."
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my girlfriend?
My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.

Answer (from Richie (Yerachmiel) DonowitzExperienced - Compassionate- Measurable Results):
After stopping the abuse of alcohol, depressive symptoms are common. She may benefit from exploring why she wants to move and see if she would still want to move if she did not feel depressed. 12 step meetings can also be helpful.