thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: legal-regulatory

Question: Can a past therapist disclose information to a current therapist that you are seeing?

Answer (from Erin Pritchard, MA, LPCC-S | EMDR IntensivesSea Glass Counseling and Consultation):
No, not without a signed release of information (ROI) from you (the client).
Topic: family-conflict

Question: Is it wrong that I don't love or even like my sister?
I don’t love my sister. I would never wish her harm, but if I could, I would wish for us not to be related. Is this cruel? Why must blood mean we have to be friends? Am I being unreasonable and is there a way to fix this? I do care about her, like I do every human being, but I’d rather be with my friends than be with her at all. It’s not just a "teenager phase." I still love my mom and dad, and I’m very close to them. However, it’s my sister I don’t love or have ever really liked at all.

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
Not liking someone is not cruel - even if it is a family member. There is nothing wrong with you for not liking your sister. Some people are fortunate to have siblings that they get along with really well, other don't. We all have different personalities and we are not going to like everyone - even if they are related. In fact, sometimes being related makes it harder because you know all of each other's flaws and imperfections. With that being said - it may be worth it to make an effort to talk about the things that get in the way of having the kind of relationship that you might ideally want with your sister. Sometimes it is hard to like someone if we have a lot of old frustration and resentment and being able to talk about it in a constructive and kind way can lead to more understanding and respect, and sometimes actually liking each other.
Topic: parenting

Question: I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore
I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it.
   I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I move on?
I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Answer (from Donald Spencer):
Moving on is the right question. Everyone's different in moving on. First, what can I learn about myself because of this painful time? Caring non-judgmental family and friends who listen with the head and heart help a iot. Other times I need a skillful, caring professional to help me move on. You will find a way because you've asked the right question. Dr. Spencer
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why do I always push my boyfriend away?
My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive.     I love him so much. Why do I do this?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
There seems to be two issues at play; your sex drive and the resulting pushing your boyfriend away.  Research mirror work, sometimes this technique allows us to get to the root of our issues. You can also practice this in a therapeutic setting if that feels like your next right step. Having control, you get to be in control and decide what happens next, which could be at play on a subconscious level. Also, investigate your feelings around intimacy, and what does that truly means for you and this relationship overall.
Topic: depression

Question: My apartment manager won't let me keep an emotional support dog
I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Your apartment manager is legally required under federal law to allow the ESA to live with you if you have provided documentation from a licensed therapist.  It does not matter if they have a no-pet policy if you have met these qualifications.You do not need a trained service animal nor do you need a disability for an emotional support animal.  The Fair Housing Act (which has federal jurisdiction) allows you to own an ESA if you have met the right criteria, and it sounds like you do.  Perhaps your apartment manager needs a letter from a therapist instead of a doctor?  Here's the site for more information on this and steps to take: https://esadoctors.com/landlord-emotional-support-animal/Maybe your doctor is credible and can help you continue to fight for yourself.  In the above website, it mentions that if you provide the required documentation and your apartment manager continues to deny you, you can file a complaint with HUD (U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development).I am repeating some of that article content here, but I believe many people in this situation feel pressured to share personal information about their symptoms and circumstances, beyond what is legally required for an ESA.  You never have to share any information apart from the documents your therapist provides to you. I think it's amazing you are trying to stand up for yourself and I wish you all the best!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: What are the skills needed by a counselor?
What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have?

Answer (from David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples):
I think that the most important skill a good counselor has is the ability to empathize (whether that be natural empathy, or trained, empathy is essential.) A good counselor also knows the difference between identifying with their client, and empathizing with their client. An ability to not bring in our own baggage (we all have baggage and most are "wounded healers") into our work, as it's not about us. If it is brought in, it should be in only a way that can help a client.And to listen...specifically to what the client is needing.
Topic: depression

Question: I'm depressed because I want to lose weight

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
I can relate been there at one point in my life.  Start taking control of your life.  Take small steps by making small changes to your eating and exercise each day.  For example,  drink one extra glass of water,  take one flight of stairs,  park farther away from store...  Some changes help you take control of your depression by changing it to motivation.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR):
First of all, it’s a strength that you are openly seeking help for this problem.  As others have said, it would be best to get a therapist you can work with because as humans we heal in relationship with others.  Here are a few things I would explore and suggest working on:1.) Questions to explore:  When did you start feeling worthless?  Why do you feel worthless?  What does it mean to be worthwhile?  Where are these beliefs coming from?  How are you measuring your worth? 2.) Check the facts: are people TELLING you that you’re worthless or treating you like it?  If so, start setting some boundaries, communicating your feelings, and/or get those people out of your life.  Surround yourself with people who make you feel good.  If you believe you’re worthless even if you’re treated well by people you’re surrounded with then...3.) start to challenge the belief that you’re worthless.  Start to cultivate the belief that you’re worthwhile regardless.  Is there any part of you that can believe it, even just a little bit?  Spend time focusing on this each and every day. 4.) do things that help you build confidence and mastery.  Find something you enjoy and want to get better at or learn more about.  Invest time in learning a new skill and practice being patient with yourself.5.) practice mindfulness.  That involves being non-judgmental and curious rather than criticizing yourself or emotions.  6.) do something that makes you feel like you have a purpose- even if it’s small Iike visiting some lonely people at a nursing home or volunteering at an animal shelter.  It may seem small but it matters a great deal to the one you helped!I wish you all the hope, healing, and happiness you deserve!
Topic: depression

Question: Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom?
I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):
It appears to me that you feel as if you have sacrificed your dreams and aspirations when you assumed the roles of wife and mother. Many women place all their energies into raising a family but like you, believe they have not self- actualized in the process. Your efforts and devotion appear to have paid off as you now have a loving family! I would encourage you to explore your passions and hence find your identity apart from mothering.The reality is that parenting involves years of work as it takes 18 years to reach adulthood! Perhaps you can look forward to evolving with your children as you discover what else you would like to do with your life.
Topic: spirituality

Question: My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences?
In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs.

Answer (from Mark Morris, LCSWTherapist and Author of Living Yes):
You have an opportunity, but you haven't described a problem.  (Are you creating one?)  Many families have various members who have different spiritual beliefs and religious practices.  Accepting the idea that those with whom we are close may be different from us is the only way to create a world of peace.   This may be a wonderful opportunity to practice tolerance and love.  If mutual decisions need to be made in religious contexts, you may also get to practice boundary setting, assertiveness (without aggression), communication skills, and loving kindness.  This is a great problem to work through!  It is indeed a very spiritual question.  Blessings to you all, ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)
Topic: relationships

Question: My ex-boyfriend say we're finished but still acts like we aren't
I've been with a man for four years. For the last year, he has said he is done, but he still talks, texts, visits, and has not moved on with anyone else. His words do not match his actions. I love this man, but it's hurting so much.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
This can be difficult and confusing.If you think your boyfriend would be open to having a discussion, try asking him for a time when he is willing to have an important discussion. When that time matches with a time that is good for you, try discussing the type of relationship that you each want to have and what you can start and stop doing to get there. He may want to be really good friends. He may also be trying to figure out what he is feeling. If you end up talking over one another, try letting one person be the one who is talking about their feelings for about five minutes and during that time, try having the other person asked questions to gain more understanding of their experience. Then you can switch. Also consider asking questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, but lead to more explanations.Questions that start with the words how, what, when, who are usually better than questions starting with "why" because they can be emotional triggers for some people.If this is difficult to do between the two of you, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Danielle PalmerRelationship & Individual Counseling):
There is no such thing as too much. Start where you're at today and move forward or backwards to figure out the rest. You don't need to be anything less or more than you are right now. It may be a longer journey, but it's one that can ideally lead to healing. I hope that happens for you.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer (from Sarah ParkerSpecialize in healing painful emotions and restoring relationships):
It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable in large crowds, or large family gatherings. You may worry about not fitting in, or having anything to say. It is important to have a friend or two. Try to find someone with similar interests. Maybe you can do things that don't involve a lot of face to face contact, like going to see a movie, play or sporting event. Many people are perfectly happy doing things in small groups. If you have ongoing conversations in your head, it is usually due to worry about being judged, and wanting to do or say the exact right thing, as mentioned above. Finding someone to talk to, either a supportive friend or therapist, would allow you to get some of those thoughts our of your head, and realize that you are more accepted than you think. Good luck!
Topic: depression

Question: I'm very depressed?
I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?

Answer (from Robert HammelPsychologist providing caring counseling.):
Sorry to hear you are feeling that way.    Is there a 24-hour helpline where you are that you can call?   Here is a website with some numbers to call:  https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/      You could talk to your family doctor and they could help you find a therapist?   You could also use this website to find a therapist.  https://therapists.psychologytoday.com.  I sincerely hope you find someone to talk to.
Topic: relationships

Question: How do balance attention between my girlfriend and my dogs?
I have dog obsession disorder and I am having problems with my girlfriend because I am placing more importance to my two dogs over her. How do I get over this problem and prioritize my girlfriend over my two dogs?

Answer (from Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant):
Hey, dogs are cool. They adore pleasing humans and often LOVE to work on learning what you want and expect from them. Your girlfriend on the other hand, likely has her own desires and needs that she attend to before tuning into yours. You are good with dogs, that tells me that you've spent some time observing their behavior. The first step in working through this issue would be similar, start to tune into and observe your girlfriend more often... Observation is a skill when it comes to relationship building. The skills you have mastered in relating with your dogs can carry over, you will just have to relearn what behaviors you are watching. And keep in mind that also means observing yourself in relationships.
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I not miss my boyfriend while he's in Ireland?
My boyfriend is in Ireland for 11 days, and I am an emotional wreck.

Answer (from Laura SalinasCertified Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist):
It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very close.  Do you typically spend most of your time together?  If so, it may be important to reflect on how you feel when you are apart.  If any separation is difficult, you may need to examine why.  Think about what it is that you miss and what you are anxious, upset or worried about.  If you examine the causes of your distress you likely will experience some relief.   It is important to learn how to be happy when you are alone, it will only improve the way you feel when you are with your boyfriend.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Jason Lynch, MS, LMHC, LCAC, ADSIndividual & Couples Therapy):
Unfortunately, finding "the right" therapist isn't as easy as picking a name from a list provided by your insurance company or based on Google search results. The process begins with doing some research. Online directories such as Psychology Today and CounselChat are a good jumping-off point. Start by selecting search parameters that are important to you such as the gender of the therapist, issues you want to address in therapy, the therapist's therapeutic orientation (i.e., cognitive-behavioral therapy, EMDR, dialectical behavioral therapy), online versus in-person appointment availability, and the distance you are willing to travel. Once you have the results of your search, take time to read each therapist's profile and visit their websites. When you begin to contact the therapists, ask if they will offer a free telephone or Zoom consultation. This gives you the opportunity to ask specific questions of the therapist, to share details about your reasons for seeking therapy, and clearly express your goals. Spend some time preparing for the call. Because the calls are usually time-limited (mine are 15-minutes in length), it can be helpful to make some brief notes about the issues you wish to discuss and the questions you would like to ask the therapist. Approach your first session with an open mind. Therapy can be uncomfortable, intimidating, and even scary at first. It's not easy to be vulnerable, especially with a stranger. A good therapist will take their cues from you. If a client isn't ready to discuss trauma or a particular subject just yet, that's okay! Therapy is a process and a collaborative one at that. The best way to "train" your therapist is to openly communicate your needs with them. If, at any time, you don't feel as though your needs are being met or you are progressing towards your goals, let your therapist know how you are feeling. A competent therapist will appreciate this feedback and work with you to change course.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I be interested in the same sex after nearly 40 years of being straight?
After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.

Answer (from Christina McGrath Fair"Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean." -Thich Nhat Hanh):
Sexuality is fluid. It is possible to find yourself attracted sexually or affectionally to different types of people at different times in your life.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Janna KinnerFlourish Christian Counseling):
This is a really important question, because you don't want to waste your time and money with a therapist who is not a good fit for you.  I think the most important factor that makes a good therapist match is trust-- do you trust this person to be able to help you meet your therapy goals?  There are few things you can do upfront to test this out, without spending a dime.  First, ask for personal recommendations from friends or others.  If you know someone who had a great experience with a certain therapist, you'll feel more confident in that person right off the bat.  Second, do your online research.  Google the person's name and read everything you can find.  Many therapists are starting to develop more of an online presence because they know that's a way future clients can develop trust without even stepping in their door.  See if they have a blog, social media posts, or even just read the tone of the content on their website.  This might give you a glimpse of their therapy style.  Finally, you can call or email potential therapists and provide a brief overview of your presenting problem and describe what you're looking for in your ideal therapist.  It sounds like you have a specific idea of what you're looking for... most therapists will be honest if they don't feel they're going to meet your expectations.  Some therapists offer free short phone consultations which can help you both decide if you would work well together.  Do your homework upfront, and you'll be well on your way to finding a great therapist for you!
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: What's going on with these mood swings?
I'm a teenager and I get these really intense mood swings.    My mood will be really high and I'll think of something that I want to do. When I start to make it happen I get irritated by other people if they intervene. Then if the thing I wanted to do doesn't work out, I have these tendencies to blame other people for it not working out.    Can you explain what's going on?

Answer (from Jennifer GerlachYour Story Matters):
Mood swings and getting frustrated when things don't work out is totally normal. Sometimes, we get tied to one thing we really want to do and it can feel pretty intense when that gets interrupted or doesn't work out. This said, you're coming to CounselChat and so I'm guessing this is something that is pretty intense for you and something that you are concerned about. If this is getting in the way of your life, it may be worthwhile to reach out to a therapist or doctor to get some help with this and see if there might be something more going on. While for most people frustration/mood swings is related to typical life and stress, if very intense it can be a sign of a number of challenges ranging from anxiety to a traumatic experience to something like Bipolar Disorder where a person's mood and energy might fly so high (mania) that one feels like they can do anything but often become frustrated when interrupted (note: there is a lot more to Bipolar Disorder than this and this is certainly not a diagnosis). Wish you well!