thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: relationships

Question: Should I get back together with my ex-boyfriend who has trust issues?
My ex-boyfriend and I met over a year ago. We hit it off and fell in love pretty quick. However, he has trust issues and assumed I was cheating. When I found out I was pregnant, we had just broken up. Five months later, I lost the baby, and we did not speak for a few weeks. Now we are talking, and he says he loves me but is afraid I will hurt him "again." I just want to know where to go with this because I love him so much, and I want to get back to us being happy and a family.

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
Trust is essential in romantic relationships and it is common to have trust issues - because the stakes are so high. If both of you are committed and willing to be fully honest with each other, trust can be repaired and become stronger than ever. I would encourage you to seek out professional help as it easy to get derailed by fear when trying to work things out in the absence of trust. When fear takes over - we tend to become defensive and act in ways that makes it harder to trust one another. In addition to getting professional support I would encourage you to learn more about building trust in relationships and deepening connection through accessing various online resources on relationships.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LCMHCStep into your new life path.):
Hello,Crying in therapy is extremely normal, especially if it is your first time attending a counseling session. Very often Clients will come to therapy either for the first time, or perhaps after many years of having attended therapy previously, and often find the weight on their shoulders being lifted when they finally have a chance to let go and allow themselves to experience the emotions that they have been holding back. As mentioned, it is perfectly normal to cry during the therapy session. However, one must realize that having a safe space to cry is not the end goal, but rather being able to work through the issues that are causing the distress. Please do not feel that your counselor will not understand why you are crying. We are well trained therapists who recognize the power of therapy and how vulnerable people can often be when you’re talking to somebody who is nearly a total stranger. It takes a certain amount of bravery to be able to go to a therapist and discuss the issues that you might feel cannot be shared with anyone else.Therapy can be a very healing time, but it requires courage, determination, and being willing to be vulnerable enough to address the issues that are impairing a functioning in your life. Be willing to work with your counselor to address the emotional side of the problems and challenges you are facing in your life. You do not have to feel like you need to cry in every session, but there will be times when crying will be a natural occurrence in the course of counseling sessions. If the therapist has done things correctly, you are to feel fully supported and safe in the environment of working for your issues.If I can be of further assistance, and you are in the Tacoma, Washington area, please feel free to reach out to me. I would be honored to work with you.
Topic: eating-disorders

Question: Can a therapist have a client admitted to an eating disorder treatment center if the client does not want to go?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
The answer varies depending on what State you are in, whether the eating disorder treatment center is part of a larger psychiatric facility, and the diagnosis which the therapist states describes your psychological and emotional condition leading to the decision to admit.Also keep in mind that all practitioners have license to judge whether or not a person fits a category of psychological problem.This is adds another variable to the answer of your question.Basically, there are many variables and not one definite answer to your question.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How do I find a therapist for my family as a minor?
I’m a teenager. My entire family needs family therapy, and more than likely individual therapy. My parents refuse to take action, and I'm tired of it. Is there any way I can get out of this myself?

Answer (from Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor):
This sounds like a really tough situation.  As a teenager, you may be able to get counseling on your own (without needing your parents' consent) under some circumstances.  If your parents are refusing to consider counseling, you might want to try talking to your doctor or another trusted adult about finding some counseling resources - even without your parents' help.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What can I do when my boyfriend says he's not ready for marriage?

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I don't know if you have any details regarding what makes him say he is not ready for marriage.It may also be helpful to look at what is making marriage so important to you right now.Maybe this is something around which you could have a conversation where you each listen to each other for about five minutes and try to ask questions about what the other person is experiencing to gain more clarity about what is happening. This particular type of conversation wouldn't be about reaching a certain solution, but just understanding more about yourselves and each other. I also recommend prefacing that conversation with asking if the person is open to having a discussion that is important at that time.If this proves to be a difficult discussion, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples. Even if only one of you goes to see a counselor, you may have some clarification.In the meantime, try to look at what you have that makes you feel valued, special, and loved. Perhaps you can look at the things that make your boyfriend feel that way as well.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer (from Kellie Spear, LCMHC, LMFTCompassionate online support & encouragement ):
It is hard to watch our parents age, especially when Alzheimer's is involved. I echo what others have recommended regarding the need for support for you as you deal with the changes that are going on physically and mentally for your mother. Alzheimer's steals so much, and when your mother is nasty or asking for things that seem nonsensical to you it can be hard to show love and patience. It is normal to feel anger, frustration, and guilt when you are faced with uncertainty, not knowing what your mother will be like or act like from day to day. I am not sure if you take care of her in your home or if you have placed her in a facility that cares for her. If the latter is the case, utilize the help of the facility's social worker. They are there to help you adjust to the changes you are experiencing while also helping to meet the psychosocial needs of your mother. It is okay to take a break as a caregiver, give yourself permission to have time away from the frontlines of care. When you can connect with an Alzheimer's Support Group, allow the group to help you. Share your frustration, these will be people who are walking in similar shoes and can help you find peace with the role you play at this stage of your mother's life. When you do spend time with your mother, take time to prepare your heart and mind for what you may experience. Remember that what your mother says and does is not coming from a place of knowing the consequences any longer. That can help when it feels like she aims to hurt or to willfully be mean to you or others.Finally, take time to make peace with anything that feels unfinished in regard to the life and memories you have shared with your mother. When Alzheimer's takes over a loved one's faculties I have seen many families struggle to try to find ways to make peace with this. No one plans for a parent to get Alzheimer's, how could they? Having an outlet to express grief, anger, and guilt can go a long way in helping you to cope with an uncertain future. I hope there is something in these words that encourages you as you care well for your mother.
Topic: parenting

Question: I'm concerned about my 12 year old daughter
I'm concerned about My 12 year old daughter.    About a month or two ago she started walking on her toes, as well as coloring and writing very messy. This all happened very suddenly. She has never walked on her tiptoes and has always colored and written very neatly.    Is this something I should be concerned abou? Any advice will help.

Answer (from Alexandra Geary-StockLive Confidently! ):
It is great that you are noticing these changes with your daughter. I can’t offer advice without knowing much more about your particular situation but some things to think about:Has something else happen recently that has been stressful, upsetting?Is your daughter trying to communicate something to you and if so what might that be?Have you discussed these recent changes with her? (Without being too serious or accusatory)There is so much changing for her (and you) now-communication and connection are crucial. I hope you both can talk to a supportive person about all these changes.
Topic: trauma

Question: My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?
There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
   I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
   Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
   How can I get my life back?

Answer (from Fred RogersQue Sera Sera Counseling ):
Unresolved issues/ Unresolved past - using Gestalt therapy, one does gets a closure to their unresolved emotions. Try talking to a therapist !
Topic: depression

Question: Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety?
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?

Answer (from John Rummel):
My initial response:  consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: Is it wrong that I don't love or even like my sister?
I don’t love my sister. I would never wish her harm, but if I could, I would wish for us not to be related. Is this cruel? Why must blood mean we have to be friends? Am I being unreasonable and is there a way to fix this? I do care about her, like I do every human being, but I’d rather be with my friends than be with her at all. It’s not just a "teenager phase." I still love my mom and dad, and I’m very close to them. However, it’s my sister I don’t love or have ever really liked at all.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi. My guess is there's a lot of deep history here that I don't know about. Have you felt hurt by your sister in the past, or are you just 'different people'? It's a common feeling people have about siblings; that they're very different and they wouldn't choose them as friends, but most people stay connected to family unless there's a good reason not to. We don't choose our family, do we? Your feelings are normal and they don't make you cruel. If you were mean to her, that might be a different thing. It might be considered cruel to cut her out of your life for no reason, but choosing to not hang out with her a lot isn't cruel, in my mind. Perhaps you at least owe your sister kindness and respect (if she respects you), but not necessarily friendship. How you respond here is up to you; there are no rules. You get to decide how much 'family' means to you and how much time you spend with friends or family. This may shift at different times in your life though. Cutting all ties with a sister now (you haven't said you want that though) might mean she won't want to be there for you in the future when you need her. Also, how you treat your sister affects your other family members as well. There are many things to consider here, but the bottom line is that you get to surround yourself with the people you want in your life.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How can I forgive myself?
Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

Answer (from Reid StellReid Stell Counseling):
What a beautiful discussion of guilt and shame Lynda offers! Those
two demons start out as pesky and little when we are young, then grow with us to
become quite formidable. I'd like to throw in a technique I learned from Randy
Rausch (author of The Last Lecture) called The 3-Step Apology.
I teach this important bit of wisdom to my clients when they need to apologize
to someone else but more importantly when they need to forgive themselves.Yes, when we have trouble forgiving ourselves we sometimes forget
that there is part of us that just doesn't know how to apologize effectively.
Here goes:Step One: Say what you did and the damage it caused.Step Two: Say you're sorry and accept full
responsibility (no excuses, no explanation, no defensiveness: “It was all my
fault.”)Step
Three: Ask what you can do to repair the damage.Step Three is the one many of us didn’t learn growing up. And when
we add it to an apology, we are usually surprised that the penalty is as light
as it is. Of course, sometimes the apology is not accepted and no way to atone
is offered. So be it, we can’t control this. But if we are apologizing to
ourselves, we can. There is always a way to make amends if we put our heart
into it.
Give this a try the next time you’re reluctant to let yourself off
the hook. You might surprise yourself when how benevolent you can be when
invited.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Shawn BeardCreate Your U!):
Great question. Too often people search for the help they need via a phone book or a basic internet search. When looking for a new person to add to your team, whether it be a Counselor, Plumber, or Mechanic, it is important to know as much as you reasonably can about the person. I generally take the following steps: 1.) Know what is important to me in finding help. 2.) Ask for referrals from my trusted friends, family, and colleagues. 3.) Search for online reputation (Better Business Bureau, Yelp, etc). The absence of an online reputation is not necessarily a bar to consideration. However, a predominantly negative review may warrant further research. 4.) Finally call the Counselor and ask a few questions. Let the Counselor know what you are looking for. Trust your gut. For example, if you feel rushed or do not receive thorough answer, move on to the next. Taking the time to defining and conveying your requirements about what you are looking for in counseling can save you a lot of work down the road.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How can I forgive myself?
Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

Answer (from Julissa SparksHealing Minds for Wholeness):
A lot of times it is not about forgiveness but learning from experiences. As an example, as a child we continously fall in an effort to learn how to walk. Then when we begin walking we know we have to put one foot in front of the other in order to move forward. Experiences allow us to grow, find a balance and what to do and what not to do in order to move forward. On the positive side you now know the consequences as for your actions not to take the same course. Forgiveness comes with time as you "learn how to walk again."
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get people to listen?
I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.

Answer (from Dr. Bonnie HowellNow in St. Petersburg, Fl):
I'm sorry you feel so alone and isolated, those feelings in and of themselves can lead to depression, stress and anxiety.  So job one is finding someone you can talk to.  A good friend or an open parent can be as helpful as a professional counselor, but if you don't have those, then by all means call your local Mental Health Association, suicide prevention, or go see your school counseling department. There are many of us now who do on-line, FaceTime, phone counseling so that is an option to consider in your situation.  On the other hand,  If you want to script a conversation with your parents (I'm a great believer in scripting) not that you're going to read it to them, but if you write down exactly what you want to say, read it over a few times before you're ready to have the conversation.  Why?  You'll be much more likely to do it if you're prepared, and you'll  have a better chance of saying everything you want to say in a calm but forceful way.  The same with your friends--you are probably a great listener and therefore attract people who want to talk--so you need to let these friends know you need something in return.  If you practice asking for equal talk time, then perhaps these friends will respond and surprise you, or if you make those demands you'll start attracting people who are looking for equality in friendships.  Now back to that script--first decide do you want to talk to both parents at once, or one at a time.  Then begin to write down the points you want to make such as:   I love you, and I know you love me but I don't feel as though I can trust your love to be unconditional enough to tell you who I really am, and how I really feel.  Find your own words to describe your own feelings.  If I can help, get in touch. You are right to reach out starting here, there are no prizes for suffering in silence and, as you already know, little joy in going it alone.
Topic: depression

Question: How do I make new friends?
In the past year, two of my best and only close friends moved to different states. Now I have nobody to hang out with. I'm always alone, and I honestly haven't hung out with anyone since they left. I'm super lonely. What should I do to make new friends? Because they moved and I have no friends now, I think I'm falling into a depression or something. I just need help.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Definitely it is sad to lose friends who are a regular part of daily life.How did you meet the two friends who just moved away?   Its possible that you could look for similar situations and see if anyone catches your interest to know as a friend.Keeping in mind that friendship is based on trust and common interests, and that these qualities require time to observe and develop, think of what you can do to keep happy while these paths unfold.In addition to being open to meeting new friends, involve yourself in projects from which you'll feel satisfied by your own results.
Topic: depression

Question: What can I do about my depression and anxiety after trying so many things?
I have terrible anxiety and depression. I've tried various therapists and pills, but nothing's helped.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
I'm sorry you've had a difficult time finding what you need.  Sounds like you have been trying super hard!It's common for people to go through a few therapists before they find a fit.  I agree with the prior post that relationship is the most important factor in counseling, otherwise techniques don't really work.  It can be the case that you are connecting with your counselor but not able to implement what you are learning for whatever reason.  That's pretty typical in depression when lethargy is high and motivation is low.  Have you discussed your medication with your prescribing provider?  It seems like you have advocated for yourself in the past and have put some effort into trying new things.  That's actually really tough to do, depression or not!  When I have clients that seem to make no progress despite many sessions and different medications, I recommend trying a service called GeneSight.  Here's the link: https://genesight.com/.This service allows you find medications that fit best with your genetic makeup.  I don't have any affiliation to this service, but I've seen some success for people that have followed through since it is very personalized.  I believe some insurance companies cover the full cost and it's easy to use.Let me also point out that your motivation is spectacular.  You have been through multiple therapists and meds, yet you still reach out on this forum filled with counselors!  That shows some dedication to yourself and hope that you can find help to change.  That's not easy with depression or anxiety.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Nikkita StonnerTrauma Guru):
You definitely don't have too many issues for counseling. In fact, counseling can help you understand how most of these things can be related to one another. For example, insomnia, depression, low self-esteem and anxiety are very common to experience after a traumatic event or events. Once you begin to work through processing these life altering events that you have experienced, the hope is that you would see a decrease in your other symptoms.
Topic: depression

Question: I have voices in my head
They don't go away, and I feel like I'm going crazy. Does that ever stop? Can it be a symptom of medication?

Answer (from Angie StonesThe future depends of what you do in the present!):
This can certainly be a side effect of some medications. If the voices are so powerful that you can not sleep or they are constantly present, you shouldn't wait any time, but go and see your doctor straight away.