thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: anger-management

Question: How do I manage my anger?
I am so angry. I feel like the arguments with my parents have caused me so much anxiety and stress, and I don't know what to do. I want to sit down with a psychologist, but I cannot afford one, nor do I have my own health insurance. I can feel myself starting to get violent. I throw things of value when I start to get mad. I have punched holes in my wall. I can feel my aggression getting worse.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I'm sorry you have so many arguments with your parents.  Ideally parents are people who tolerate that their kids are people with their own unique characteristics.Everyone likes feeling loved by their parent.   Do you feel loved even though you and them have clashes?Anger is a symptom of a problem.The real question is knowing what feels like its being hurt inside of you.I agree with your idea of talking with a psychologist or some other type of licensed professional therapist.See if your area has a family service agency in it.  Generally the non-profit sectors offer sliding scale fees, and if you qualify, your cost per session would be financially comfortable for you.One possibility is to tell your parents that you'd like starting therapy because of feeling so much stress from the family arguing.They may very well be surprised to learn of your maturity in assessing your level of stress and be willing to make a positive contribution to this by offering to authorize therapy through their health insurance. They may even decide on family counseling so all of you work together to relate in more loving ways.Last, if you aren't ready to speak with your parents about wanting counseling, think about speaking to your school guidance counselor.  This person may have some recommendations for your specific geographic location.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Overcoming fears
I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do?

Answer (from Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting):
Hello, and thank you for your question. Overcoming fears is something that everyone struggles with at one time or another. Sometimes we come across something that scares us, we push through it and suddenly we aren't afraid anymore. But sometimes it can seem like our fears just take over and we cannot overcome them. There are some options:1. You can go to a counselor and receive some type of treatment. What kind of treatment would depend on the type of fears you are experiencing. For example, if you have a general phobia about something, they may use various techniques to help you manage it.  2. There are different websites and even some self-help books that you can use to try to overcome your fears. When it comes to overcoming certain fears or phobias, exposure therapy well-studied and proven to work. A therapist would help you with this, but some websites give instructions for how to do it yourself. I am not sure how well it works when you try it by yourself, but here is a link to a website that does offer some tools. http://psychology.tools/anxiety.htmlSome colleagues may offer you some other types of advice. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC
Topic: relationships

Question: Why do my boyfriend and I have such trouble communicating?
We’ve been together almost three years. We argue and he ends it by telling me he doesn’t love me. It's hurtful because I am all about resolving the problem, and he dwells on the issue even if I drop what he's done and just swallow my pride and say I am sorry. How can this be resolved? We have kids, and I don't want a broken family because we can't communicate.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Try having a conversation with your boyfriend about your views and wishes for the relationship, when the two of you are having a calm time.  A few questions I'd like to ask him is why he says he doesn't love you when the topic at hand is about a specific practical matter.I'd also like to know what he hopes will happen from dwelling on a matter.And, why are you swallowing your pride?  Sooner or later this will come up on you in much bigger ways.  Instead, try to know your own wishes that you are either not stating or are being ignored by your boyfriend.The best way to resolve accumulated tensions is to slowly open the discussion between the two people.It is possible to stay together forever.  What you each need to realize, is the terms under which this would most likely take place.Sending lots of luck!
Topic: intimacy

Question: My husband works all the time and neglects his family
My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Ohio, The crazy things about situations like this is that, almost guaranteed, while your husband is out working and away from home, he feels he's doing it all for you and the kids; he believes he's loving you. He might feel like he's carrying his family on his shoulders. Your 'love language' is different...you'd rather spend time with him or talk to him...you want to feel like he's a bigger part of the family and feel connected to him. I absolutely understand that, and I support you asking for that.He might very well miss that feeling of connectedness too, but he's likely also feeling the weight of financial responsibility. A lot of men (and women) don't talk about this but they feel it. Sometimes they feel like they can't win either way; there's pressure to earn and pressure to be home. He has needs too; he probably wants more appreciation and less blame. I urge you to talk to him about how you feel, find out how he's feeling, and use a professional to assist you if your communication styles aren't great. Right now you WANT to spend time with him and that tells me that you have a good chance of addressing this problem successfully.
Topic: relationships

Question: Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Atlantic City,You must feel confused. This happens quite a bit...a couple will be very much in love, but with time it becomes more and more clear that there is a barrier to moving forward to deeper intimacy and commitment. You don't provide details, but I will give you what my best hunch is about what might be happening here.A few possibilities...it's possible that he's not as in love as he says. Some people find it hard to be honest about these things. There's no way to tell for sure, but look for signs that he's not all that into this relationship even though he says he is. It's also possible he's just not ready to commit long term, and if that's the case, he could say so and help you understand this. I think it's more likely, though, that he's very in love with you but has an emotional barrier to moving forward.For you, it's simple...you love him and want to plan a future. For him, it's not so simple though. I believe your boyfriend probably loves you very much, but there is something else preventing him from being able to plan a future with you. He's likely scared about something (scared he's not good enough, or that he'll be hurt), and that fear makes him avoid commitment and deep intimacy. His fears have nothing to do with you; they are based on his own emotional history. It's a barrier that doesn't become evident until intimacy is already established. Getting close to someone triggers our deep fears. He can get close, but only so close. It's really important you know this isn't your fault; there's no other person out there who will have a magic key to make him want a future with them. It's not about you at all.There are a few ways that this can go. If he recognises this barrier and wants to change it, he can try therapy to address his emotional barriers. That's up to him and only him. If you send him to therapy, he might resent that. Couple therapy may help, but a couple therapist may also recommend he do some individual exploring first.For you, it will be helpful to simply be aware of your own needs in a relationship. If, as a couple, you keep hitting this wall of his over and over again, that's going to be painful. You may eventually decide that you need a partner with a stronger ability to commit long term. There's nothing essentially wrong with the way he is; it's just not a good match for you because you have a different pace in a relationship. Let him know what you need (some security for the future of your relationship. If you want to, or plan to, have children, this is a natural thing to want)...and then see if he can give it to you.So, do some thinking first, then go to him, not in anger (he's just being himself, after all and anger won't help), but with your dilemma. "I love you, and I want a partner to plan a future with. Can you do that with me?". Then you see what happens. :)
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get my husband to listen to my needs and talk to me?
I tried telling my husband I was depressed, and he ignored me. He said "you're always sad or depressed." And he picked up his phone and ignored me. I said, "Please don't exaggerate, that isn't true." And he said, "Whatever babe. You just want to be sad."
   How can I get through to him so he will take me seriously?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
That's so tough that you are feeling unheard and unsupported in your marriage.  Depression is already a grueling experience and doing it alone can feel miserable.It's hard to know what will get through to him because I don't know a lot about your dynamic.  Has there been a time in the past he has listened to you?  Does he tend to feel responsible for your emotions, whether or not that pressure comes from you?  Men, by nature, tend to be fixers more so than women.  He may feel as if you are asking him to fix you, when in reality you just want his support.  Could defining what you are looking for help?It sounds like what you really want is to be validated by him.  Sometimes clearly defining your needs can send a message that you aren't out to prove how you feel--you just want your emotions heard. That doesn't mean he will respond the way you want, but voicing your needs is so important in any relationship.The other option here is, of course, marriage therapy.  Men do tend to shy away from this option, but it could help with the communication piece.No matter his responses, keep taking care of you.  You are obviously dedicated to getting your needs met, which is a wonderful way to try to help yourself!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: Why can't my mom ever be proud of me?
She constantly tells me what I am doing wrong. For once, I want her to be proud of me. It’s like no matter what I do, she does not have one nice word to say to me. She is always hateful towards me and always has been.

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
The sum total of your value and worth does not get to be decided or measured by how your mother feels about you. Ideally, she would be supportive but that does not seem to be the case.  Providing yourself with love, acceptance, validation, and knowing your worth and that you are valid despite her. She could have her own demons she is fighting and projecting (taking them out on) you. Typically whatever people throw at us is more of a reflection of them verses about us.  When she says something that hurts you, rewrite it in your mind, and for your own sake mentally proves her wrong.  I hope you can detach from the negative words she projects to you and see the great person you are at your very core, by your very existence.  These two videos could be of great support. Help! My Parents are my BIGGEST TRIGGER!Self-Esteem & Worthiness Affirmations - Remember Your Worth and Value
Topic: depression

Question: Is this depression?
I feel like I am internally screaming all the time. Externally, I am calm, but I have this intense, unidentifiable emotion constantly. I don't feel sad. I don't cry a lot. I feel rather emotionally distant other than the internal screaming. It kind of feels like I'm a caged animal.

Answer (from Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor):
As far as the formal diagnosis of depression goes, it would be hard to determine without more information. It sounds like you are noticing that there is a significant difference between how you are feeling on the inside and how you express yourself outwardly. Part of you is quite distressed and yet it remains invisible to the outside world, almost as if it is trapped inside of your body. Many people who are depressed experience such things as intrusive thoughts, emotional numbness, difficulty expressing themselves, and bodily tension (caged animal?). In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what you are going through, the nature of the disconnect between you inner feelings and outer expression, and eventually gain relief from the distress as well as a greater sense of connection with yourself and personal freedom.
Topic: trauma

Question: How do I cope with posttraumatic stress disorder and its triggers?
I am a survivor of multiple sexual abuse/rape experiences. Triggers are having an effect on my daily life and my sexual relationship with my partner. I'm trying to learn to cope with them.

Answer (from Linda MullinKicking anxiety and depression to the curb!):
Talking about it stops it from being a secret.  It takes courage to have posted your question and that is the first step. Here is an article I wrote a few years back.  http://abuseisnotasecret.com/why-abuse-is-not-your-fault/One day at a time.
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: What can I do if my coworkers accuse me of mood swings?
My coworkers are making false statements about me to the boss, saying I have mood swings. They have no proof to back it up. Can my employer make me see a therapist of their choice?

Answer (from Rebecca DuellmanMA, Applied Psychology, Specializing in Forensic Psychology issues.):
I can’t give you legal advice, but employers can suggest you see someone if your behavior is affecting your job. I believe most government agencies have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where employees can talk to a therapist about any issue, not just work-related, for free (up to a certain amount of sessions).I’m wondering, though, why your coworkers would tell your boss this if it’s not true. Is it possible that you're not aware of how your interactions are affecting others? Maybe this “forced counseling” can be an opportunity for some introspection on your part.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMACAffiliated Family Counselors):
Hello, I'm so glad you decided to take the first step in opening a conversation first. Deciding to go to therapy can sometimes be difficult for some, but with the right therapist, healing is possible and obtainable, even with what you've described. To answer your question, no you do not have too many issues to go to counseling.  You've been through a lot and have been strong and at times it's helpful to have someone else to help you through it. What I would say is to be sure and find a therapist who is experienced in sexual abuse and trauma overall. But you absolutely do not have too many issues for counseling. Please feel free to ask any other questions you may have regarding your situation and I hope you find the therapist you're looking for, there are many great ones out there. Many of the issues you're experiencing may be tied together from the trauma. Best Wishes. Laura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC
Topic: anger-management

Question: How do I manage my anger?
I am so angry. I feel like the arguments with my parents have caused me so much anxiety and stress, and I don't know what to do. I want to sit down with a psychologist, but I cannot afford one, nor do I have my own health insurance. I can feel myself starting to get violent. I throw things of value when I start to get mad. I have punched holes in my wall. I can feel my aggression getting worse.

Answer (from Margaret Van AckerenMA, LMFT):
First off, it is great that you recognize that some changes need to be made. It is also really good that you understand where the source of your anxiety and stress comes from. Fortunately there are many self help books and internet sources that provide free tools to help you cope with life's obstacles, including anger management. There are several strategies that you can try to help control your anger, but the ones that I would recomend first are the following:1. Try a different way of communicating with your parents. Since arguing with them is a great source of anger for you, learning more effective ways of communicating with them will likely be of great benefit. Choose a time to talk with them about "heated issues" when everyone is calm and emotions are not heightened. Use "I phrases" by telling them how the arguments effect you, as opposed to placing blame on them. Validate what you hear your parents say in order to allow them to know that you understand their point of view.2. When you feel yourself becoming angry, take a break. Simply excuse yourself from the situation, find a quiet place to be by yourself, and do some deep breathing. Close your eyes, slowly count to four as you inhale, and exhale even slower, counting to 6. Focus on nothing except for your breathing and do this for 5 minutes.3. Stop any negative thoughts in their tracks. Often times when we get upset, we catastrophize and do not see things clearly. When you catch yourself thinking negatively stop the thoughts and ask yourself if your thinking is logical and rational. If you cannot find much or any evidence that your thoughts are valid, then let them go and replace them with realistic, logical thoughts.4. Finally, find a friend or someone to talk to and/or keep a journal. Keeping your emotions to yourself will not help you. Being able to express your feelings and problem solve will allow for some relief when feeling sad or angry.I wish you all the best!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: My sister and my husband had an affair
It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this?

Answer (from TINA R. DODSON):
A mediated safe talk session between. You and your sister.Then, you and your husband have a mediated safe talk.  So both hear what you feel in the respective relationships. Possibly the last step is a mediated  safe talk with sister, husband and youcoversation, in the future.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?
My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Investigating how holding on to the past serves him and working to forgive the past, even grieve what could have been, while embracing the future. He could if he is open to it see a therapist.  Perhaps he can rewrite (symbolically) the past and project a more positive stance or feeling towards it.
Topic: relationships

Question: Am I overreacting by breaking up with my boyfriend because he called me a particular profanity?
My boyfriend called me a particular profanity and I broke up with him. This is the third time he's called me this and I'm just completely done with giving him chances. He knows how much it bothers me. I just want to know if I'm over reacting.

Answer (from Laura SalinasCertified Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist):
It sounds like you are reacting to an issue in communication patterns, rather than a particular word.  The ability to listen considerately to your partner and to have your partner listen to you is one of the keystones of a successful relationship.  If your partner is not listening to, acknowledging and remembering your wishes, that is likely an indicator of some fissures in the foundation of the relationship.
Topic: relationships

Question: How do I save my relationship?
We have been together for a little bit, and I love him to death, but my mental health is so unstable. I question everything he does from loving me to if my body is good enough. I'm super jealous for no reason, and my temper is super short. He's pretty much done. He said I have a bit more than a week to fix it.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Are there ways your partner acknowledges the difficulty to stabilize the questions you ask about your self-worth?Your questions are typical for anyone who feels insecure and unsure.  The lack of confidence you feel exists in many other human beings too.Your partner's wish for you to feel better about yourself, is fine.   The problem is he seems more interested for you to solve the problem for his sake than for your sake.As long as he considers you an obstacle to his happiness, and not someone he loves and would like to help improve their inner stability, then he doesn't offer you more of his self-interest than of his love.A week is an unrealistic timeframe to cure the subject you describe.Any time line misses the point of how humans evolve and not automatically change.He also is either missing or isn't interested, in supporting your emotional progress.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I bring up my possible depression to my parents?
I am not sure if I am depressed. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents, and that makes me miserable.

Answer (from Shari PescatorePsychotherapist, Health and Wellness Coach):
Depending on your relationship with your parents, inviting them to have a conversation might be a good first step.  If they consent then you can have the opportunity to discuss your concerns with them.  Inviting someone to a conversation and getting their agreement is a great first step. I would then make sure your location of the discussion is conducive to the conversation and once all that is considered it might be beneficial that you make a list of your concerns prior to the meeting.  this can help keep you on point.