Topic: family-conflict

Question: I'm scared to tell my family that I'm bisexual
My parents seem okay with other sexualities, but normally they only talk about being gay. When they do talk about bisexuality, they say things like “they'll do anything” or things that make me very uncomfortable because I am bisexual. I don't know if I am ready to come out to them.

Answer (from Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting):
Hello, and thank you for your question. Being bisexual can be particularly
difficult because it is often misunderstood, even by people who are “supposed”
to be part of your own community, such as lesbians and gays. It happens so
often that there is actually a term for it – 
bi-erasure. This is simply something that happens when people deny that
bisexuality is a real thing, or discriminate against bisexuals due to beliefs
like your parents seem to have. 
The unfortunate truth is that you can never
be sure of how you parents may take this kind of information. It sounds
promising that they are accepting of other sexual orientations, and it may
simply be that your parents lack education about bisexuality. With accurate
information, they may come around, but there is no way to be sure. 
Some of my colleagues have already given you good information. Here are some more things that you can consider
and questions you can ask yourself before making the decision to tell them:
 
1.      If they don’t respond the way you want them to, have you developed a support
system to support you through it? This is very important. The truth is that all
the friends in the world won’t prevent pain or sadness if your parents don’t
respond as you hope, but they will at least be there to remind you that you ARE
okay as you are. And that is critical for you to remember. 
 
2.      There is great information on the internet about bisexuality that you can
offer your parents if you think it would be helpful. It may be important for
them to know the kind of damage that is being done to bisexual adults and young
people because of the myths surrounding bisexuality. Here is an article from
GLAAD about bi-erasure: http://www.glaad.org/bisexual/bierasure
 
3.      Coming out to people is obviously deeply personal and should only take
place when you are ready. Sometimes people get pressured from friends, media,
and even people they are romantically involved with to come out before they are
ready. It really is up to you. If you are feeling pressure from others, don’t
feel bad about setting your boundaries and telling them that you will come out
on your own time. Intimate partners should respect you enough to understand
this. 
 
4.      Something else to think about is your own comfort in being bisexual. Just
because someone is LGBTQ doesn’t mean that they necessarily want to be. Many
people struggle with this. Having
your own doubts or insecurities may also play a part in how comfortable you are
in telling your parents. So, perhaps do some self-exploration about your
feelings toward yourself. 
 
Sometimes people take friends with them
when they decide to come out to their parents. This is something you may want
to consider. The important thing to remember is that you are okay. Really. If
your parents don’t respond well, that doesn’t mean that they never will. Some
start off upset, but then work their way through it. 
Best of luck to you. 
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC