thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Ian Palombo#ThoughtMediator & #LifeUntangler):
Breakups are hard, there’s no two-ways about it. The emotional toll is enough to send many people into the fetal position with one hand wrapped around a spoon and the other around a pint of ice cream.The problem with reaching for comfort foods in times of crisis is that they set us up to feel even worse. Yes, sugar absolutely gives us an initial rush. We feel energized and happy. Guess what happens when you eat sugar? Your brain produces more dopamine, a feel-good chemical. Before long, you are eating more and more ice cream to keep your dopamine levels up.When you experience a breakup, it’s important to fight your urge to self-medicate the sadness away through unhealthy foods or alcohol. Here are some things you can do instead to feel better:Create a New SpaceIt’s time for a fresh new start, and there’s no better way to do this than by giving your living space a makeover. Move the furniture around, give your living room a new paint color. Get some new sheets and linens. You want to remove obvious memories from your home and create the kind of space that makes you feel excited for your future.Reconnect with Loved OnesOften when we’re in a relationship, all of our time and energy goes to the other person and we see old friends and family less than we’d like. Now is a great time to reconnect with those people who will love and support you through this hard time.Try Mindfulness MeditationAnd speaking of connecting with loved ones, it’s time to connect with yourself. Mindful meditation is a great way to quiet your thoughts and just be with the REAL you. Meditation also helps to alleviate stress. Five to 10 minutes a day is all you need to start feeling calm and balanced, and this is a much better headspace to begin making choices and decisions for your future.Breakups will never be easy, but they are a part of life. Do your best to stay away from binging on junk food and instead focus on self-care and compassion.If you find your feelings of sadness are not going away, it may be helpful to talk to someone. When we don’t know how to navigate our strong emotions, we can become depressed and anxious. Speaking with a therapist can help you work through your pain.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How does counseling end?
How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

Answer (from David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples):
As a therapist who believes in client self-determination above most other elements of the process, I want to as much as possible leave it up to the client to determine when they are finished. In the case of a termination because a client's distress has resolved, I might periodically check in with the client about how therapy has been going, and if we want to re-evaluate where we are.The more unfortunate situation would come about if I felt that I wasn't the best fit for the client. I would offer that in words, and ideas of therapists (with names) of who I thought might be a better fit and why. It still is up to the client whether to continue, however should they want to keep seeing me, a part of the work would be about that want (to see someone who professionally doesn't believe they can help as much as someone else.)I also find it perplexing when I hear a client (or on a personal level) tell me that their therapist said they "didn't need therapy." I don't know that I buy into that scenario all that much, because I do believe that yes, not everyone NEEDS therapy, but that everyone CAN benefit from therapy and I don't believe it is the therapist's job to deter someone from ever seeking out help of any kind.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: I’m afraid that I’m gay
I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Are you able to give yourself some peace of mind while you take the time to further address whether or not you are gay?Whether or not and to what degree a person accepts their sexuality, depends on dense factors such as the culture of your family, the beliefs about gay people with which you were brought up, and your own tolerance for being a unique individual.Examining these factors, whether inwardly by yourself, in online blogs and sites, or live with other people, requires patience and effort.The more you are willing to commit to figuring out your own truth, the greater is your chance of finding it!
Topic: diagnosis

Question: Why can't I stop these thoughts?
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
   What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?

Answer (from Jenifer FinkelsteinNCC, LPCC 44):
First off, there is nothing wrong with you.  In fact, having random thoughts we feel we cannot control is actually quite common and normal.  Sometimes our thoughts think they are protecting us (if we think we aren't worth anything, it won't hurt when we get rejected) but they are actually doing quite the opposite.  They are keeping us "stuck" and creating a self-prophization.  (If I think I am not worth anything, I don't have to try, and I will keep proving to myself that I am not worth anything).  There are many techniques to work through and start to change our negative self-talk.  There are actually many self-help workbooks that can help with this as well.  A technique I like to use is meditation or mindfulness.  This can teach us to accept our thoughts (not fight them) and then learn to let them go.  Release the power they have on us.  If we can learn to release these and not ruminate on them, this will give us the space to allow more positive and supportive thoughts to come in.  Mantras can help with this as well (I AM worth a lot, I AM important, I have value).  Saying these to yourself everyday over and over (even if at first you don't believe) can retrain our brains to believe it (and allow us to believe it).  I have even wrote positive mantras to myself in my bathroom mirror so I am forced to look at these throughout the day.Please remember to not be hard on yourself as you begin to attempt to change the automatic thought patterns.  It took a while for you to get where you are and it will take a while for this change to kick in and feel normal.  So allow the process to happen slowly and allow yourself to accept you as the amazing and brave person you are.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Robert Wade):
Not at all! Trauma can manifest itself in many ways, such as depression and anxiety. Trauma can also cause sleep issues, nightmares are what I hear about the most but it can also cause insomnia. Many abuse survivors can have low self esteem as well.I would suggest you begin treatment with handling the symptoms that are causing you the most issues. Learning how to regulate your emotions and tolerate distress will give you the building blocks to begin getting to the underlying cause which is the trauma. Once you process the trauma from the abuse and the medical issues, you should begin to feel better about yourself and feel better physically as well.
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I stay strong?
I have a lot of child custody concerns, financial issues, insecurities and weigh gain. I also have no local family support. It's hard for me to stay positive. I get very emotional and take it out on the people I love. How can I stay strong?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
There's online forums and blogs, some of which have interactive discussion groups.Also, depending on exactly  what you mean by becoming "emotional", feeling overwhelmed by feelings typically happens when people feel a lot of stress and pressure in their lives.   Loneliness contributes to feeling overwhelmed too.Your feelings may be perfectly normal.Similarly, depending on what you mean "take it out on" people, you may be expecting too much of yourself.If you're expecting other people to listen to your upset feelings, this is reasonable.If you're harming them as a a result of your upset feelings, this is unreasonable.Depending on what exactly you are doing when you "take it out", you may be quite reasonable to do so.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Julie DesjardinsMental health counsellor):
First, identify the areas that you need help with. What are the issues that are most troubling you? Are these situations creating an impact on your daily routine?Second, do some research as to the type of counselling service you are looking and that would best suit your needs. Are you looking for individual sesssions, couples/family sessions, etc. And research potential therapists in your area that focus their counselling approach on your therapeutic needs. Third, contact the therapist (most don't answer the phones, so leave a message or send an email). Don't be affraid to ask questions. You want to make sure that this professional is a good "match" for you and will work with you at working toward your therapeutic goals (the things you want to address/work on during the sessions).Fourth, have the expectation that, depending on the issues, you will need multiple sessions/appointments with the therapist to really address the issues and work toward your therapeutic goals.It takes strength and courage to reach out for help, but I know you can reach your goals. It takes time, patience, and practice do really address your needs. Good luck!
Topic: intimacy

Question: My boyfriend of a little over a year has a problem with me going to visit my mother
He said that if I were to visit my mother, he will be gone when I get back. My boyfriend and I hit a rough patch in our relationship a few months back, and my mom had a few choice words with him.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Your boyfriend and you have a separate relationship than your relationship with your mother.   By trying to control whether or not you visit your mom, unless you are in agreement with this, is building tension between you and him.Ask why he resents your interest to see your mother.If he is insecure to the point where he fears your mother will influence your opinion about him, then trying to prevent you from visiting your mom is itself creating negativity in you toward him.If something still bothers him about the problems you both had several months ago, then talking about these problems will do more to clear the air between the two of you than him trying to interfere in your relationship with your mother.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to cry during therapy?
I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
9 Ways Crying May Benefit Your HealthDetoxifies the body. Reflex tears clear debris, like smoke and dust, from your eyes. ...Helps self-soothe. Crying may be one of your best mechanisms to self-soothe. ...Dulls pain. ...Improves mood. ...Rallies support. ...Helps you recover from grief. ...Restores emotional balance. ...Helps baby breathe. ...Helps baby sleep. ...
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Tara Green, LCSWFeel alive again; solution focused and goal oriented therapy):
It can feel overwhelming sometimes when we reach a point in our lives when we say to ourselves; I think I want and/or need counseling.  This is especially true if we feel we have so many "issues" to work through and cover with a therapist that we may feel like we would not know where to even begin. We may feel that way because of our trauma in the past and our current problems, however, this should not stop you. When you work with a trained therapist, especially one who has experience working with your particular  issues that are impacting you the most you will find that little by little over time they can be worked through in counseling sessions with a therapist. Therapy is often not a linear process but more cyclical in nature and sometimes working on the most pressing things that are impacting your life helps to put others things into perspective. So to answer your question, no you do not have too many issues to address in counseling, despite feeling overwhelmed by this. Just unpack one thing at a time! Good luck!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: What can I do about my family not accepting me as bisexual?
After I told them, they yelled at me.

Answer (from Christina McGrath Fair"Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean." -Thich Nhat Hanh):
I am sorry to read that this happened to you. If your family is not supportive of you, this can be a huge challenge. Are you dependent on them in some way (financially, etc.)? This could affect choices you make at this point. Make sure you connect with a supportive community or people and organizations that are afforming of you and your identity. If you are unable to receive support from your family, you can lean on them if necessary. If you feel your family needs more information you can always refer them to appropriate websites and organizations that can help them to understand that this is natural and normal and learn the negative effects of non-affirming people in the life of LGBTQ+ individuals.
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
If the person doesn't see themselves getting drunk and out of control, and instead continues to drink.   Often along with this the alcoholic person minimizes or dismisses your concern that they're drinking more than for social fun.Also if someone manages their life around drinking as their priority.   Someone who is physically addicted to alcohol will want to drink even when there is no social activity going on or they are not in a circumstance in which relaxing with a drink is possible.Often the drive is so strong the person will keep their drinking secret if they know others wouldn't ordinarily drink at that time of day.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from JOSH MARLAR):
It is absolutely normal to cry during a therapy session and people do it all the time for a wide variety of reasons.  Often in therapy, you're talking about the heaviest things in your life and the emotions that surface can be beyond your control, so don't try to force it; let it out.  If it is something that you are self-conscious about, bring it up in your next session.  Your therapist should be able to put you at ease.  Therapy is not always easy and sometimes it can be downright gut-wrenching. It's not just you.
Topic: depression

Question: My apartment manager won't let me keep an emotional support dog
I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do?

Answer (from Leonard PikaardWhen you're ready, help is here.):
At present, the American Disability Association (ADA) only allows protection and guiltiness for Service Animals, which is fall under a separate distinction from Emotional Support Animals. Emotional support animals are untrained animals (typically pets or other domestic animals) that provide wonderful services to their owners, and there are many benefits to having one.Service animals who are trained to provide specific services for an individual with limitations that make them fall under what the ADA defines as "disabled" are protected under specific laws, and must be accommodated in public places where the human they serve is present. While it may be beneficial to request that the therapist who "prescribed" the dog to you write a letter to the apartment manager, it sounds like the manager is aware of ADA guidelines, and the simplest course of action may be to find an alternative residence, if that is a plausible option.
Topic: depression

Question: How do I know if I have depression?
I had a very troubled up bringing and I'm currently dealing with alot right now. I know some people may not think so, but to me its a lot. I feel overwhelmed. Could this be depression?
   I use to be in therapy as a child. Alll throughout elementry, middle, and high school I had counseling 2-3 times a week. I haven't be in counseling lately though.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Thanks for reaching out with this important question!To start, I'll say the diagnosis for depression can differ depending on what the context of those markers are.  For example, depression is diagnosed differently if there's a bipolar element or if someone is withdrawing from drugs or alcohol.  It doesn't sound like that's what you're experiencing, but those are just two examples of many.  How that's diagnosed is a process that a therapist is best equipped to do in person with a thorough assessment.  Sometimes we find that depression is subclinical, meaning it doesn't reach the typical level of "disorder" (that doesn't mean it's less important or worthy of care).  Most of the time, diagnosis doesn't make a huge difference in treatment, but there are some disorders that need pretty specific modalities and components--for example, people with Bipolar I often need medication to help stabilize symptoms.I'd also say that, more importantly, you know yourself best.  You are clearly trying to make sense of some things you are feeling and maybe how they are connected to some things you've been through.  I can also see you are motivated to feel better!  No matter what others think, your perceptions and experiences are most important.  You get to decide whether or not your circumstances are a lot for you.  Not everyone is built the same and that is certainly impacted by trauma and significant stressors in the developmental years.  It's also not your fault that things are hard.  You didn't ask for, nor did you create, your life experiences.Overall, if you know some of your healing may come from naming what you feel you can absolutely continue to seek out solid information (and maybe that will be with a counselor if that's what you desire).  Kudos to you for asking this question here, too. You are dedicated to yourself whether you see it that way or not!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does counseling help people?
Does counseling really do anything that can help people?

Answer (from Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"):
No, not really;And it's impossible for it to, anyway;And, this is isn't some sort of "you did it all yourself" kind of blather;Because:1) In most outcomes, if a man or woman simply does nothing and waits, most of the time, they get better... (there are reasons to that);2) In most therapy sessions, approximately 92% (give or take, per study) of all outcomes--be they positive or negative--occur due to factors SOLELY WITHIN the man or woman seeking therapy to begin with;3) The word "THERAPY" does not imply cure, but implies treatment (suppression);4) Truly, a proper "therapist" will be able to spot the problem quickly, recommended proper protocols quickly, and coach to completion.5) Even if we PRESUME generosity, the "therapist" really doesn't matter much (maybe 8%); it really all is in you...Be well, man...
Topic: relationships

Question: Why doesn't any guy want to date me?
I have high functioning autism and I have been on a lot of dating sites like meet me, match, and zoosk. I haven't had any luck on any of the dating sites I have been on.
    I really want a boyfriend but I don't know what I should do. I just want to be in a relationship. How can I meet someone?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Are there dating sites for people who have autism on the high functioning end?If not, then find out the names of different organizations which support people who have autism.  At least one of these groups will have some guidance as to social activities for dating or even specific sites for dating when autism is a criteria.All the rejection on dating sites is rough for anyone to handle.How do you know that you're being passed over by guys who are on dating sites because you have autism?    Any reason is possible.Unless you've heard from a few particular guys that their reason for looking beyond you is because of your autism, it is possible you're in the same boat as everyone else who feels similarly frustrated by dating site rejection!
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I make my relationship with my girlfriend better?
She's busy because her mom makes her clean all the time and go out places with her family. We don't talk much because of it. Also, we have little fights. We want to work it out but we don't know how.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
Maybe you can start with having 15 minutes per week that you know you will be spending time with each other (even if it needs to be on the phone). Because this much time could be scheduled ahead of time, at least you would know there was that time that was set aside. That may also help you to rekindle some conversations between you.As far as your little fights, consider spending five minutes with one of you talking about one issue that is a concern and the other partner asking questions that are open-ended (cannot be answered with just yes or no) and listening as an investigative reporter to try to learn more about what the other person is experiencing. Then, once the partner who started speaking thinks the listening partner is understanding where they are coming from, switch. It's also good to restate what you think you are hearing. Then you know what each other is truly following about this. Also remember that following or understanding what someone is saying does not imply agreement, just that you are recognizing what they are saying and able to see where they are coming from.Also consider noticing what makes you feel valued, special, loved, or appreciated. Think of the same for your girlfriend. This could be a great discussion to have as well.