thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer (from Melissa BurtonCounseling for Life Transitions):
Let me first say that I am sorry you are going through this. Yes, this is a symptom of an ugly disease, but that does not make experiencing it any easier. If your mother was a sweet and understanding lady, I am sure this change in personality feels awful! On the other hand, if your relationship with her has always been difficult this can definitely open up old wounds and anger. I have walked alongside many families as they care for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease. It is unfortunately common to see mothers become cruel and mean toward their daughters. In your case, it sounds like she is not directing her anger at just you. While this may feel less personal, I am sure it makes finding supportive care for her very difficult. I have several quick tips that might help you cope with this situation. 1. Stay tuned in to your level of anger and frustration. If you can limit the amount of time you or anyone else is with your mother you can limit the caregiver burnout. It is completely NORMAL to feel what you are feeling!! However, these are the feelings that can lead to acting out and abuse when not acknowledged. It doesn't sound like this is the case for you, but healthy boundaries and exercising respite will help with your feelings of guilt as well. So, rotate care as much as possible.2. If you find yourself arguing with your mom, STOP. Don't worry, we have all been there before. No need to feel guilty, but this only serves to agitate someone. None of us enjoys being wrong and getting into an argument. For those of us who are able to logically engage with others, sometimes this type of interaction is necessary. Alzheimer's disease has robbed your mother of her logic, therefore arguing with her will only make matters worse. Try redirecting her instead. For tips on how to do this check out Teepa Snow (teepasnow.com)3. Take care of yourself and seek support. Support groups and counseling are a great way to tend to your needs during this long journey. Caregiving can be overwhelming, lonely and heartbreaking. You don't have to go through this alone. Check out Alz.org for support groups in your area.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Amelia Mora MarsHi, I'm Amelia. I help overwhelmed, stressed out teen girls and women find peace again.):
Hello, you sound like you have so much on your mind! I am relieved to hear that you have never tried or have contemplated suicide, but not being able to sleep, feeling worthless, and like you shouldn't be here are big issues that need addressing.Please get around to counseling.  Having someone to listen to you is a gift to yourself. You deserve the help of someone helping you change your feelings of worthlessness. You have not been able to do this alone. It's time to reach out for help.  You can do this! Best to you!
Topic: anger-management

Question: How do I not be angry all the time?
My roommate is a unapologetic person who doesn't care who she hurts. She never apologizes to me or my family. She made me lose my temper today to the point where I was using swear words in front of my mom and brother.

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Anger is a  secondary
emotion, figuring out what you felt before the anger, hurt, embarrassment, disrespect.
Once you identify the underlying feeling you can address the anger.
Topic: relationships

Question: How do I better handle my breakup?
I got involved with my best friend who is married but has been very unhappy for the last five years. We both fell in love and have been together for eight months. He left the house and filed for divorce. He decided to tell her about our relationship, and she is willing to forgive and work on things. This shook him. They have two kids together. He decided to put the divorce on hold. He left town for a month to get clarity on the situation and see a therapist.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Miami, I feel your sadness; you might have planned a future with your best friend. We live in a world where we are constantly exposed and connected to people who intrigue us and to whom we might feel a connection. I believe that our ability to protect our relationships from the risks involved here has not developed fast enough. Your friend came face to face with what leaving the marriage meant...huge changes and many intense emotions. He is wise to consider his choices carefully; especially if you have children, there is good reason to work at a relationship that is less than fulfilling. Therapy can help.So you fell in love with a man who was in an unstable place. He's taking the steps to create some stability for himself and that leaves you "on hold", not knowing what his decision will be. I love that you seem willing to give him the space he needs to figure it all out. This decision is his. For yourself, you can accept that being "best friends" with a man might not be a wise thing. Many marriages don't fair well when friendships like that exist. You flirted with danger; both of you. You fell in love but he wasn't free, really. I'm sure his love for you is real and powerful, but it's not a competition. It's one man choosing his life path. You can focus on thoughts like this:He has the right to choose his life.We flirted with danger by being best friends.I know he does love me; this is not a reflection on my worth.I can feel really good about giving him patience and the space he needs.I feel proud of his honesty.I feel proud if he's willing to fight for his marriage; lucky her...lucky kids.Acknowledge and allow yourself to feel that sadness, that grief. It's real.If you have told anyone about the affair, seek the support of that trusted person and know you have to grieve this in silence because it was born in silence. I wish you well, and for the record, I'm proud of the maturity you show in this situation. :)
Topic: trauma

Question: How can I have a normal sex life with my significant other when I keep having triggers from past sexual abuse?
I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me.

Answer (from Candice Conroy, LMHCFind relief from anxiety, depression, and trauma.):
Sexual intimacy can be very triggering for survivors even when it is both wanted and consensual.  You may want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma to work through the abuse if you have not already done so. Often times triggers still hold such a powerful effect when the emotions related to the abuse  have not been fully processed.  In the meantime, you may want to consider coming up with a Safe Word to let your partner know that you are being triggered or to communicate your physical boundaries to him.  Often times, the experience of communicating  your physical boundaries to your partner, having those boundaries respected and validated, and having a partner who is understanding and  willing to engage in intimacy in such a way that does not violate your physical boundaries  can reinforce a sense of safety with him.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How do I cope with separation anxiety while boyfriend is out of town?
I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I’m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn’t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day, which he used to.
 I feel lost, sad and unwanted. This is really a tough new challenge. I just want to break up with him, but I love him so much. I don’t know why he is acting this way lately. I believe I have separation anxiety. Is there anything that I can do to help me cope with this while he is out of town?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
First step is to tell your boyfriend the reasons you feel upset.This way he has a chance to answer your questions as to why he doesn't keep in touch.His responses will guide your next steps.There is a difference between his unavailability due to a heavy workload or because he has less interest in the relationship.In order to work with his current behavior you first need to find out why it is happening.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: What are the skills needed by a counselor?
What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Counselors are actually required to have many skills before walking into the field.We need to know a lot about all disorders, as well as techniques that best compliment them; however, that may look different depending on who we are sitting with.  That skill is the ability to integrate assessments over the span of counseling to best fit the client's needs.  Humans are complex so it's important to stay flexible!Because the client-counselor relationship is the best predictor of therapy outcomes, skills here are crucial.  Counselors need to really be authentic, which includes sharing empathetic responses with the client.  I have met a few clients that worry that those skills are feigned because it's our job, but these responses are very real.  We care about our clients and want to express that to them.A skill that we use often all through counseling but especially in the beginning is conceptualization.  Very important because it not only helps in understanding our clients' perspective, but helps to get a picture of the different pieces of why someone is functioning the way they are.  Yes, humans are complex, but we become pretty simple when you work out all the parts.  For example, if your pattern is to yell in arguments, a way to conceptualize that is that the trigger is the argument, your body goes into fight mode, you feel adrenaline and anger, you then yell to reduce anger.  That reduction you feel in anger reinforces yelling, and if it made you feel better in the moment, that's a reward even if you feel guilty later on.  Every behavior can be conceptualized and helps both the counselor and client understand all the elements of functioning and helps guide the focus.Some counselors specialize in areas or have a niche.  That doesn't make a counselor better than any other counselor, but could make them a better fit for you.  Knowing what you need out of a counselor is most important!
Topic: anxiety

Question: I'm experiencing panic attacks when I'm physically separated from my girlfriend
Whenever I leave my girlfriend I get panic attacks. I'm taking medications to control them, but I'm thinking of moving in with her since I get so anxious.

Answer (from Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor):
I’m sorry to hear that you are currently experiencing panic attacks. I hope that the medication you have been prescribed has provided you with some relief. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that moving in with your girlfriend would alleviate your anxiety. Although you may feel very anxious about leaving her, your body is reacting to this stressful event in your life in an unhealthy manner. You may be able to render this particular situation but it’s likely that you may experience another panic attack when an additional stressful event arises. Therefore, it is essential that you address the reason for why you are experiencing panic attacks in the first place followed by practicing coping mechanisms in the case that one would arise in the future.Talk therapy has shown to be effective with those affected by anxiety along with breathing exercises and yoga. A trained therapist will be able to assist you in finding the right stress reducing method so that you can reduce the chance of another attack occurring.I wish you the best of luck! It sounds like you are very happy in your relationship and I hope you are able to reduce your anxiety so that you are able to enjoy one another.
Topic: spirituality

Question: I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?
Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Answer (from Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR):
Since no one can prove that there is a higher power (meaning we cannot observe "God" with our senses), the decision to believe is a choice you make.  When something can't be proven true, you get to choose what belief system works best for you.  Some questions to reflect on might be:1.)  What does "God" even mean?  What are the experiences that have shaped your perception of "God?"  Are there any other ways to think of it?2.) What turns you on or off to the idea of God?  And remember that there is a difference between religion and spirituality.  You do not have to be religious to believe in God.3.) How might your life look if you truly believed there was a higher power/God?  How might that be beneficial?  Why wouldn't you believe (what is there to lose)?4.) How might your life look if you chose not to believe in any higher power?  Is there anything you might lose?  What would you gain?5.) How do you cope with things that are outside of your control and don't make sense?  How do you cope with the idea of death and tragedy?If you decide that you would like to cultivate a belief in God, then there are ways you can strengthen this belief (some doubt and questioning is always normal).  Something you could do to strengthen your belief is to look for ways that it fits into your life.  Look for things that have happened in your life that show you there is something/someone out there looking out for you.  Another way to think about God is to think about love.  Not in the emotional sense of the word, but in terms of good versus evil, light versus dark, love versus hate.  There are some things out there that are clearly evil acts (Christians refer to this as the enemy and sin), but many times something good can be found amidst the bad.  As Fred Rogers once said, whenever you see something terrible that happened on the news, "Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping."  And as one of my favorite verses from the Bible goes, "Light always overcomes darkness."Remember the answers you're looking for come from within.  Just look for the answers you hope to find and they will come to you.
Topic: relationships

Question: Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
The good news is you're aware of what you'd like from your relationship.The possible less good news, is that your boyfriend's ideas for the relationship are not similar to yours.Really, you will only find this out for sure by deciding to start the conversation about your expectations and ask about his.People have as infinitely different ideas of what, if anything generates from feeling in love, as there are people on this earth.Speculating and theorizing about how he combines love and a future with you, at some point are better answered directly by him.You sound ready to find out his reality in order to compare it with yours.Sometimes people are afraid that the answer they'll hear will disappoint.  While this is possible, it is also possible you will be greatly surprised in a very happy way.  What if he was being shy and hesitant to tell you his wish of being together with you for many years?Either way the answer turns out, you will gain as a person by appreciating your own need for peace of mind by knowing clearly what your future with this man will be like.
Topic: diagnosis

Question: Why can't I stop these thoughts?
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
   What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?

Answer (from Vikas KeshriRecovery from mental illness is possible):
Life is beautiful without unwanted thoughts and stress. With proper strategies and tools it is possible to regain control over your thoughts. I guess you are just having "thoughts" and not actually "hearing voices"? My suggestion is to see a therapist and go from there.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Heidi SchnakenbergSpecializing in family relationships specifically adolescents with conduct issues ):
It is absolutely normal to cry in therapy. Therapy is a place to be honest about and explore your feelings without feeling judged. Honesty is the only way you will benefit from therapy and that means being willing to look at your true emotions rather than avoiding them.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I be interested in the same sex after nearly 40 years of being straight?
After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.

Answer (from Ryan LynchCertified Sex Therapist):
Numerous studies have found that sexuality is fluid and it evolves over time. Sexual orientation is very much a spectrum that one can move around in time. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you or that you necessarily have been hiding "in the closet" all this time. Your sexuality is unique to you. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality as long as everyone is on the same page. I always recommend practicing safe sex too!
Topic: trauma

Question: How can I cope with the loss of someone I love?
My good childhood friend died suddenly as a teenager. I haven't seen him in four years and haven't talked to him in months yet somehow this hurts me more than I could ever imagine. It's been about three months since his passing, and I'm still not sure how to cope with this.

Answer (from Elena Engle, LMHC, EMDRVery Good Counseling):
Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Why did my sister not defend me when my ex-husband said bad things about me?
I recently went through a divorce. My ex-husband called my sister saying bad things about me. My sister never defended me. Now that I showed the truth, she's shutting me up and saying she doesn't care about the fight. Why didn't she convey that to him from the beginning?

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
Unfortunately, I can't tell you what your sister was feeling or why she reacted that way.I can say that divorces can be difficult or confusing for everyone involved. While the divorce is most impactful for the couple going through it, the divorce itself also changes extended family dynamics. Also, a lot of people don't act the same way around extended family (or other people) as they do at home behind closed doors, so there are times when divorce is a real shock to everyone who was not directly involved in it.I wonder if you are at a place where you can shift your focus into looking at your relationship with your sister, how she is treating you, how you feel around her now, etc. I do not know how close you were before all of this and how close you feel now, but perhaps if you can assess your overall relationship, you could find a time when you could ask about this (why she didn't convey that to him from the beginning) in a way that is calm, not defensive, and is honestly looking for an answer from your sister, not looking to defend yourself at that moment. If that conversation can happen, it may be quite a difficult one, so it may be good to have something to think of to remind yourself that you are trying to gather information from her and him that conversation, it's not about you, but is about where she was coming from. After you think you understand that (I'm saying that you understand where she's coming from, not that you agree with what she's saying), you could see if she's willing to listen to how you feel about it.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get people to listen?
I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
Trust this... You are not alone.  We are here to help.  There are passed life experience and maybe they see through what you haven t been given site to yet.  They are in a time in their lives where hormones and aging is bringing them to a place they rather focus more on their feelings.  Although it should be a time to embrace your new beginnings to help you with more patience.  Sometimes learning energy practices and communication skills may improve your connection.  You are also at a place of transition.  It may seem out of wack right now but it will balance once you passed into adulthood.  Then you will notice a friendship developing with them maybe.  Hold On
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?
I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

Answer (from Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.):
of  I would love to know a little bit more about what's going on in your life but I will attempt an answer.Yes, you could still be shaky and nervous going to therapy. This therapy thing your doing is sometimes scary. First, because your opening up things that you might have never wanted to. Second, your still building a relationship with this therapist person. You may never get over that. The therapist really can't be your "friend". They are there to push the buttons that you might not want pushed and help you heal.  That in itself is scary and can make you anxious. Third, you really never know where this therapy thing will go. Yes, there are goals. But sometimes side roads need to be taken and sometimes that is scary.Know this you are in the right place. You are taking steps to change.