thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: sleep-improvement

Question: Why do I get a weird feeling every few months or so?
I get an uncontrollable swallowing that is repetitive and then somewhat out of body feeling that lasts no more than a minute or two. It usually happens in bed at night, but I occasionally experience this during the day. I have a benign brain tumor, but the doctor said it is not associated with this.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I'm not entirely sure whether this relates to something in the mental health realm or if there is something else happening. I know you said that your doctor said it is not related to your physical condition, but have you tried speaking with your primary care physician? I've seen people with many different symptoms that end up being related to acid reflux or something of that nature. As far as the out of body experience, there are different stages of sleep, so if this is happening in the middle of the night and you are waking up from a dream, you may not be fully awake when it's going on. These are just some thoughts, but I think talking to your primary care physician would be a great place to start.
Topic: depression

Question: Can i learn to be happy alone?
I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one.    How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone?

Answer (from Kim HollingdaleMind-Body Approaches to Stress, Depression & Anxiety):
I'm so sorry you're feeling like things will never get better. Try to remember that whatever illness you are dealing with, you are not the only person to have dealt with it and you are not alone! Out there, just waiting for you, is a group of people that will totally understand what you're going through and will be able to share how they coped. Try searching for a support group for your illness - google and www.psychologytoday.com are both good places to start for those groups.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?
I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

Answer (from Liana NelsonPsychotherapist):
It is very natural for you to be attracted to someone that you find an interest in building a romantic relationship with.  These feelings are an emotional response toward adulthood.  You are at a healthy age to start the development of attraction and intimate bonds with those around you.  Pedophilia is a disorder in which adults or older adolescents find themselves continuously sexually attracted to children and minors.  At the age of 15, you are still considered a child/minor yourself that is growing into his own adulthood.  This is healthy for you to seek the elements of attraction and intimacy.  There may be a lot of confusion during this time due to the effects of puberty and all the changes you may be experiencing during your adolescence phase.  In this case, see if you are able to reach out to your parents, caregivers, and/or trusted adults to seek an understanding of those elements to help with any confusion with age, attraction, and underage dating.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Amanda SamuelsCo-Parenting and Infidelity Couples Counseling):
How do you feel when you meet with your therapist?  Are you comfortable?  Do you feel safe?  Do you feel like you are gaining something from the experience?  Therapy has its ups and downs, it is hard, and sometimes it won't feel good- that is when you are growing and learning the most.  If you feel comfortable, safe, like you can tell your therapist anything (after getting to know her/him- not in the first session), and that you are getting help with what brought you in; then you might have found the right therapist for you.  I always say, its just a feeling- you'll know.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I be interested in the same sex after nearly 40 years of being straight?
After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.

Answer (from Eddie CapparucciUtilizing Inner Child Recovery Process to Treat Sex/Porn Addictions):
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Susan Resnik, M.Ed, LMHCOxford Counseling Services):
This is a very personal decision that you make when you have evaluated the issues in your couple that you feel are affecting your happiness and well being in your couple. I recommend completing a compatability checklist to evaluate which areas are making you unhappy. It is important to discuss these feelings with your partner and determine if together you want to work on these differences. If there is no agreement to working together to resolve the issues  and you cannot accept the issues as they are then a break up may be best.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I tell if my spouse had sex with a prostitute?
My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

Answer (from JOSH MARLAR):
The short answer is: you may never know.  The only person that really knows is him.  Here are some things to consider.  If you're asking this question, it may be an indicator of the health of the relationship itself.  It wouldn't be a waste of your time to try some relationship counseling.  I don't know where you are in your mind on the relationship, but couples counseling is not only for couples on the brink of separation.  Yes, it can help avoid separation, but it can also help work out issues exactly like you are asking about.  Even a healthy relationship can be taken to the next level with some relational therapy every now and then.
Topic: parenting

Question: Should I feel guilty if my adult daughter cannot afford to go on a family vacation?
I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself.

Answer (from Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!):
I imagine you are trying to figure out a way to be "fair" to your adult kids.  The key word is "adult".  If your daughter can afford to join the family for a vacation that's great, she's welcome to come.  However, as you pointed out she took a vacation by herself last year - she chose to put her resources (time off work and money) into doing that.  Good for her - she did what she wanted.  If she wants to budget time and money for a family vacation she will.As for feeling guilty, let me echo the sentiments already offered - vacations are lovely, but not a survival need.  Your girl is in her 20s and it's her turn to provide for herself.  You did your parenting - now go enjoy your vacation with whoever can, and wants to, join you!
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples):
Without knowing the details, it would be very difficult to say! But, that's also the point of my response. Because even with the details, it's very hard to say, as no one is experiencing the relationship in your shoes, except for you. It might be helpful to process this in therapy, or with your boyfriend directly and voice your concerns about the relationship. In any successful relationship, the research has shown that openness in communication is vital.That all being said, I would also add, with a lot of curiosity...if you have to ask the question, does that say something about what you feel is the quality of the relationship?
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why am I so anxious in social situations?
Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing.

Answer (from Todd Schmenk, M.S., M.Ed.AQAL Therapies, Inc.,):
Basically, your response is the fight, flight or freeze reaction
which is hard wired into the human nervous system, specifically, the autonomic nervous system (called the autonomic response).  This system
is responsible for regulating the heart, digestion, respiratory rate
as well as other aspects which match the symptoms you describe.  It is largely an unconscious function, but
with training it can be managed such as a public speaking course in which you
prepare and even have some exposure to smaller experiences to help you prepare
and cope for larger presentations.  One of the greatest applications of
addressing this response is the NASA program which exposes the astronauts to situations
they will encounter while in space which will trigger the response so that when
it does happen (not if but when) that they are able to move through the
challenge with success.  You can learn
more about his by going to TED Talks “What I learned about going blind in space” It is
a truly inspiring look at what you are experiencing as well as how to deal with
it. 
With that being said, finding a program
like a Dale Carnegie Public Speaking program can help.  Working with a counselor who can help you
utilize visualization of an upcoming speech has been shown to help and you can
always talk to your doctor to see what options might be available there as
well. Good luck!
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Danae BergmanSpecialty in treatment of adolescents, young adults, and those that love them.):
children and adolescents who have a desire to achieve high grade point averages often have the symptoms you are describing. It sounds like, your gut is telling you to help her find ways to de-stress. Listen to your gut-always; as her mom, you know her needs better than anyone else. She would probably benefit from seeing a therapist to help her deal with the stress of being a high achiever. I provided the following suggestion to another parent with a similar concern: First identify the three most stressful aspects of the day. Do this by creating a circle on a regular size paper. (do this three times); ask your daughter how much of that circle can she confidently say she has under control. shade that in. The remaining parts of the circle are then named by intensity. (for example, in the circle labeled school anxiety, the client identified that she felt she could handle school anxiety 1 out of 4 days. The circle was split into 1/4. 1/4 of the circle was shaded . the remaining parts were labeled with the challenges that caused the client school anxiety.(these were 1. walking to class during passing time. 2. not having the assignments completed or at all. 3. feeling fat. after labeling each part; and making note of the percentage of the stress associated with each concern, free form thinking takes place and a pile of unwanted behaviors and genetic responses are portrayed  around the circle in bright colors. Using note cards, create a tree of concern; the concerns can be written on note cards. a concern = the behavior that leads to more trouble.  For example, "all i could do was think about that extra slice of pizza, I was unable to concentrate on the teacher's explanation of the assignment" (the concern you would write on the note card is Inability to concentrate. Now, fill up the back of the notecard with all of the different factors causing this pattern. nack. (
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!):
Oh dear - this is becoming all too common.  I suggest you have some conversations with your girl to figure out where she is getting the "information" that she builds anxiety around.  I see teens  who have heard teachers, parents, coaches, etc push the "highly selective colleges" idea on kids way too much.  Teens in particular are prone to black and white thinking, leading them to see one poor test performance, one off day, one not-great assignment as the make-or-break task on the path to successful adulthood.  If that's the case with your daughter, she needs you to help modulate both the incoming information (there are nearly 5000 colleges in the US - she will get into one of them!) as well as her reaction to that information.As well, you and any other adults that are involved in parenting her need to discern fact from fiction.  The recent scandal around celebrities "buying" their kids into college is an indicator of how far off track we, as a culture, have gotten in terms of education.  A college education is certainly important, but we have allowed the marketing push to create so much stress and upset for our kids (and ourselves as parents) that they are actually less prepared to leave home and really engage in higher education than ever.You may want to include a therapist in these conversations if you get stuck, but start with a parent-child conversation.  Help her figure out what is going on - if it is the "I have to get it right or I will have no future", calmly walk her through all the evidence that says that's just not true.  As well, let her know that being anxious now is NOT preparing her for a bright adulthood - it's preparing her for an anxious future.  She needs help figuring out how to balance her effort to attend to real and reasonable expectations, not over-inflated fear-based actions.
Topic: depression

Question: Does my friend have depression?
I am really worried about one of my friends because I think he has major depression. He disagrees with me on that. He is shut off when it comes to talking to people and telling them how he really feels. He told me he feels empty inside and the only emotions he feels are anger and sadness. I suggested to him to get help and talk to his mom about it but he refuses.

Answer (from Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor):
First of all, I can tell that you really care about your friend and I think it's great that you are reaching out with your concern. It's hard to determine whether your friend would meet the criteria for an official diagnosis of depression without working with him, however, whether he does or not, therapy may be beneficial for him in working through these difficult feelings and relational challenges. Unfortunately, you can't make your friend get help. He will ultimately need to make that decision for himself, however, you can talk to him about your concerns and your hopes that he will reach out for help.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Traci LowenthalLGBTQAffirmative Therapist ):
Hi! Great question! My suggestion would be to google therapists in your area.  One great website is called Psychology Today, which is a National site.  You can search for therapists in your zip code and search more specifically for the issue you are seeking support about.  It's a great way to find out if they therapist has a speciality, accepts insurance and whether they offer a free phone consultation. I would then make a list of the ones that may be a good fit and then give them a call!  :)  Hope this helps. Remember you get to ask anything you need to, to determine if someone is a good fit.  Don't be afraid to ask anything!  :)  Best of luck!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: I feel like I'm on my own
Ever since my mother passed away my family has treated me like a stranger. Now I'm concerned that my father will need to go into a nursing home. If that happens I think I'm going to be on my own to handle it.    What should I do? I'm going to need my family's help and support.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Understandably you'd like support from those who know and love you.From what you write, your family members do not offer you your very reasonable expectation.Start by telling particular family members with whom you feel you'd have the most likely chance of success in their meeting your expectation by loving you.This way you are able to tell yourself you've tried what is reasonable to try.Don't give up on expecting loving support for yourself!If your family members are unwilling to give you this, then start to give yourself loving attention and care.Gradually you will bring yourself in contact with new others who will love you.Loving yourself makes you attractive. so others will find your willingness to be loved.
Topic: trauma

Question: I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship
I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

Answer (from Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT):
Thanks for sharing and asking for help.  You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.  The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which "...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.  Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration: http://www.emdr.com/
Topic: depression

Question: I'm depressed because my wife is divorcing me and I haven't seen my child in a while
I'm going through a divorce with my wife of three years, who I've known since the 4th grade and been involved with for seven years! We just had a baby seven months ago and never got along with my mother, who I've lived with for years. I am now back with my mother because I have nowhere to go with this divorce looming. I'm heart broken because I fell into a depression, I haven't seen my child in a while, I'm having good and bad dreams, and I feel hated. Can you help? Can you intervene? Can I speak with someone?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
It's hard to accept the end of a marriage when it's not your choice; you feel powerless, abandoned and unwanted. Your wife has the right to decide not to be in a marriage with you, and a therapist can help you accept and move through this change that has broken your heart and left you lost. You don't indicate why you haven't seen your child, and you may want to consult with a lawyer about the laws in your area and how to gain access to your baby. Therapists don't intervene in these ways. The marriage may be ending, but your role as a loving father is only beginning.  You can focus on giving your child the gift of two parents who respect each other.
Topic: parenting

Question: How do I stop my step child from hurting my biological child?
What makes my step child, an 8 year old boy, choke my daughter, a 6 year old girl? This has been going on for 4 years. The boy tells my daughter not to tell on him. He knows it's wrong; we have did time out, spanking, taking away toys, and sitting on the wall. I am afraid for my daughters safety!

Answer (from Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor):
I can see why you are alarmed. That is a scary situation for a parent. Do you know if the child has been evaluated by a mental health professional? Early treatment is often the key. A professional will be able to help the child learn how to control their anger and mend the troublesome actions into more appropriate responses. Have you addressed your concerns with the child's other parent? There could be contributing factors in his life that could be causing these issues (exposure to violence, sexual/physical abuse, drug use, stressful events in his life, etc.). It is important that these factors are identified so that they can either be eliminated and/or reduced. I wouldn't hesitate to have him evaluated (if he hasn't been already) and to ensure that he is getting the help that he needs whether it be medication and/or therapy. Until then, I would make sure that he is always supervised under an adult's care.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"):
Dang right it's normal, and even necessary at times.Weeping provides chemical shifts which also shift the experience you're having.  Not only are their physical detoxification benefits to crying, but there are also emotional releases that come with it.Weeping can be the first step to an unclogging of a blockage, so that your energy can flow more smoothly.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?
My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.

Answer (from Shari PescatorePsychotherapist, Health and Wellness Coach):
It is challenging to maintain motivation at all times, anxiety and depression can set in which can make interacting with others a  struggle, it can lead us to do things that make us not feel good and we become isolated.  This ends up feeding into a cycle that maintains the anxiety/depression loop  and can be really challenging to step out of it.  You are in a place of awareness and this is the first step in making changes that can help you feel better.  It is really one step at a time, a concrete plan, with self-compassion to build the solid ground you need to come out of this. http://www.empoweryou2.com
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself
I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident?

Answer (from Jennifer GerlachYour Story Matters):
You've already taken the first step. You want to not hate yourself. Self-acceptance is hard! And it's on a spectrum. On one side we have self-hate, on the other extreme; self-love. And then, there is all this stuff in the middle. It kind of looks like thisAnd working toward self-love often means moving around through all these. Becoming aware of your emotions, exploring the parts of you you that easier and harder to accept, self-kindness, self-forgiveness, self-compassion and ultimately self-love. It is a recovery process and has to be an active thing each day. Meeting with a counselor can give you a partner in that process. Your counselor can also help you to recognize pieces that may be more difficult to see from your eyes as they have an outside view. And with self-acceptance, confidence comes naturally although you may need to practice behaviors that show assertiveness, confidence and boundaries that protect you. Wishing you the absolute best with this!