thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: relationships

Question: How do I communicate with my boyfriend of ten years without him feeling like I'm attacking him?

Answer (from Vladimire CalixteRelationship Therapist in NYC):
To follow please find some tips on getting your message across to each other, which will help you both stay emotionally connected in a healthy respectful way!Step 1: Start with I...+ feeling (For example, I feel angry because...)Step 2: About what... (Not describing your partner but the situation.) Step 3: What needed...(How partner make it better) We want to be soft on the person but hard on the issue. Directing the complaint towards the situation rather than your partner always works. It is important for us to be soft on the person, but tough on the issue.  And at the end, say what can be done to make things right.I am wishing you and your boyfriend the very best.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer (from Sara Makin, M.S.Ed.,NCC#1 Best Selling Author & Counselor):
About 3 million people in the United States suffer from seasonal affective disorder. Seasonal affective disorder or seasonal depression occurs during the same season every year. You might have feel feeling depressed the past two winters, but cheered up during the warmer months. Or you may have felt down during the summer.Everyone could get seasonal depression, but it tends to be much more common in :People who have families who have SADWomenIndividuals between 15 and 55 years oldIndividuals who live in an areas where winter daylight time is very shortNo mental health experts are exactly sure of what specifically causes SAD, but many think lack of sunlight is a big trigger. This lack of light could mess up your circadian rhythms or cause problems with serotonin which is the chemical that affects your mood.You might be wondering if you have seasonal depression or SAD. Here are the symptoms:Feeling grumpy, sad , nervous of having mood swingsAnhedonia or lack of pleasure in things you normally loveEating much more or less than usualGaining weightSleeping a lot more than you normally do, but still feeling sluggingDifficulty concentratingIt is so important to look at SAD in a holistic manner before getting diagnosed. In addition to therapy, it's crucial to see your doctor so she or he can run blood tests to rule out any other conditions that may be making you feel blue. One of these common ones is hypothyroidism or low thyroid. At Makin Wellness, we could do the mental heath assessment .TreatmentThere are multiple ways to help treat seasonal depression. Light therapy can be used, but counseling is one of the most effective ways of treating SAD. Cognitive behavioral therapy with a skilled therapist can help you learn more about seasonal depression , how to manage your symptoms and ways to prevent future episodes. Medication can also be prescribed and taken to help alleviate some or your symptoms. Antidepressants such as Zoloft, Effexor and Wellbutrin are most commonly prescribed for SAD. Be sure to talk with your doctor and therapist about any side effects from your medication.
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I ask my boyfriend about who he's texting?
We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.

Answer (from Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist):
Just ask him.I'm not sure how you saw his phone if you're in a long distance relationship, because long distance means you live far apart from each other and don't get to see each other in person. Therefore, I think we may have a different understanding of the definition of "long distance relationship" which makes it hard for me to adequately answer this question for you.I don't know how old you are, but if you're an adult, after two and a half years, I don't think it's unreasonable to have an open and honest talk with each other about where the relationship is going and what you both want and expect. Long distance relationships are difficult to keep alive because you don't ever see each other in person. Talking, texting, and video chatting isn't enough, and the longer the physical distance remains, the more difficult it becomes to keep an emotional closeness. It may be time to evaluate the situation, figure out when (if ever) the two of you will be able to be together in person, and if you can and want to wait that long. Do you both want the same things out of life? If one of you wants to take the relationship to the next level but the other doesn't, then it doesn't matter if it's long distance or not - if you aren't on the same page with the relationship, it is going to be difficult to make it work.Trust is important. Issues with trust, insecurity, jealousy, lying and/or hiding things from each other, being afraid to speak up and have an honest conversation - these things can ruin relationships if not addressed. I know confrontation of any sort can be hard for some people, but it is necessary at times. Evaluate your true feelings for him. Are you with him for reasons other than love, such as being afraid to be alone or thinking you wouldn't be able to find someone else? Has he ever given you reason to be suspicious of his female coworkers or friends before? Some people, unfortunately, develop a track record of indiscretions and give their significant others ample reason for distrusting them. However, if this is not the case, you may be unfairly judging his texting through the eyes of your own insecurities. It may be time for you both to take an honest assessment of your own reasons for being in the relationship, figure out what you want, and make a decision. This may result in bringing the two of you closer and taking the relationship to the next level. Or, it could lead to a decision to end things. I know that can be difficult, but you both deserve to be happy and to be allowed to make the decisions that will lead to your personal happiness.
Topic: parenting

Question: My parents aren't letting my boyfriend and I talk or see each other while I'm pregnant
I’m a senior high school student. I’m also five months pregnant. I got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years. My parents don’t want us to communicate with each other. He can’t even come to visit my gynecologist. My mom goes to attend all of my doctor’s appointments. She’s supportive of me. I wish, though, that my boyfriend was next to me and be able to see his daughter on a sonogram, at the very least. My family does not understand that he deserves that much. I cry all the time because I feel lost and hopeless.
 I need guidance and I believe that you can give it to me. Am I wrong for wanting him around? Are they right for keeping him away from the appointments and not letting us communicate with each other even though we are the parents? I do everything that they ask of me. I just want him to be around. When I ask my parents to let him be here, they call me a selfish person. Please help me.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
You're not wrong for wanting to be with your boyfriend of three years who is also the biological father of your child.Do your parents object to you and your boyfriend continuing to see each other in person?  Or, do they object only to electronic communication and don't want him involved in his child's life? Ask your parents what their reason is for forbidding you to communicate with your boyfriend.  Ask them also to understand your point of view.Now is also a good time for you and your boyfriend to plan whether and where you will live as a family and how to financially and emotionally support one another once your baby is born.Your mom and dad are definitely making fatherhood difficult for your boyfriend and motherhood stressful for you.Consider bringing up the topic during your next obgyn visit.  Your doctor may ask your mom to explain her reasons and address these.Look online for women's resources to see if there are clinics or agencies that would help you advocate for your position in this matter.Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy, labor and delivery!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Jason DavisHelping You Find A Better Way Today):
The first thing to do is to reflect on what you want to seek counseling. Search online and then set up a phone consultation. A person can find out a lot about a counselor and the services that they offer over the phone. After a consultation then set up an intake questions. The overall goal is to make sure that you are comfortable with the counselor and the services they can offer.
Topic: depression

Question: Why can't I laugh anymore?
I used to be the funny guy of the group—the class clown, if you will. I used to laugh uncontrollably all the time and be able to be social without it feeling awkward. Now I can't laugh at all, and I'm dead inside.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
If you look back to when you feel as though you were the "funny guy," I wonder what is different now? It may be that responsibilities have changed or any number of other things.I don't know whether you're also saying that you feel sad or if you're saying that you feel as though you don't have any big changes in your feelings.A lot of us tend to be really busy, and sometimes we over schedule ourselves to the point that we don't have time to have positive time for ourselves. Sometimes even if we are spending time with friends, we're thinking about work and all of the other things we need to do.I wonder if it feels awkward when you're with friends that you trust in an environment that you are used to. Maybe if that is more comfortable for you, it can be a stepping stone to focusing on how you feel better in those moments.It sounds as if you may have had an experience (or more than one) where you felt misunderstood or criticized and now reacting to people feels awkward. If so, try going back to people you trust. Who do you have support from?
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How do I pick which parents house I want to live at?
My mom and dad got divorced four years ago. I had to finish out the school year with my dad, and now they are deciding which place is best for me. I can't choose. How can I choose if I love both places?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
If you've already stated to your parents that you'd like your opinion to be considered, and listed the key areas you'd like them to keep in mind when making a final decision as to which house you will live, then you've done all you possibly and reasonably can do.Since you wrote that you have difficulty to decide in which parents home you prefer to live, then even if you had free choice of whose house in which to live, are you not better off with the decision made by them on your behalf?
Topic: parenting

Question: Should I take my daughter to therapy?
My daughter didn't see her biological father for the last three years. She doesn’t want to see him because she remember really bad things from him such as domestic violence and child abuse. The visitation is with supervision, but she refuses to see him. Is it better to take my daughter to the therapist and try to see him after the therapy?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Has the father or the visitation supervisor contacted you regarding why your daughter hasn't shown up for the past three years' worth of supervised visitation?Or is the supervised visitation a new development for the bio dad and your daughter?If no one is pressuring or expecting your daughter to show up, no one has even asked where she is, why she isn't present, then I don't see any reason for you to offer more effort by your daughter, than the father is willing to make for seeing her.If your daughter is willing to talk with a therapist, then let her find out first hand if the sessions seem useful or not.The one move I'd avoid is to force your daughter to go to a therapist since growing up in a household in which child abuse took place, being forced may remind her of her own feelings from this past, of feeling no one heard or cared about the way she wanted to be treated.
Topic: relationships

Question: My companion tells me he wants nothing to do with me
Then turn right back around and say he loves me and needs me. This rollercoaster is crazy.

Answer (from Tiffany NicholasThe road to a better you):
Your partners obviously very confused when it comes to love. Sometimes people shy away from good and positive relationships and companionship because their afraid. They know that it's something worth holding on to but most feel they can't handle it and can't meet up to their partners expectations. Your partner loves you but must have fear that keeps standing in his way. It could also mean their afraid of getting hurt or disapointed in the long run.  Give your partner comfort and reassurance that they can come to you to confide in you about anything that may be bothering them.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: My therapist betrayed my trust
My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.
   I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again. I don't know what to do.

Answer (from Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor):
I'm sorry to hear that this has happened. Counselors are legally and ethically required to make sure that they always put the wellbeing of their clients above their own interests. In addition, counselor ethical rules, and the laws in just about every state, make it illegal for counselors to take advantage of a client financially. A counselor borrowing money from a client (even if the counselor pays it back) would usually be considered to be taking advantage of the client.There are a few options you have at this point if you can't (or don't want) to continue to try to contact him directly. You can file a complaint with your states' regulatory board and let them know what has happened.  An investigator will then look into the situation for you.  Another option would be for you to find a different counsleor who can provide you with an independent and netural point of view to help you figure out how you want to handle this situation.
Topic: parenting

Question: My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do
I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
   My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
These things happen and it is her roof... If you can try and stay busy avoid situations that make you feel like this.  Be Kind and Courteous as if you were living with a room mate.  You can also pay some kind of rent.   Don't feel bad even adults face this with their parents even when their 80 and you are 50.   Some children take care of their older parents or deal with family responsibilities.  Try and do what you can to move forward in your life or ask her to help so that you can live on your own and maybe she just needs to feel needed.
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: How can I stop abusing alcohol?
I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others.

Answer (from 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy ):
You are not hopeless, as you can see there are many people who care about your well being and believe you can overcome this.  I would suggest that you first get evaluated for your alcohol consumption.  Alcohol is one of the addictions that you may need to seek inpatient treatment for.  If not inpatient then be monitored by a doctor.  Once you are evaluated and or complete inpatient treatment I would suggest you participate in a form of outpatient therapy on a consistent basis.
Topic: depression

Question: If I am trying to stop self-harming and I seek help, will I need to be put in an inpatient setting?
I have bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I last self-harmed a week ago. When I am stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, or angry, the urge to self-harm is all I can think of. I am trying to seek help.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I wonder if you really are the long list of descriptions you wrote here.Usually people with personality disorder and people who have bi polar disorder, are not self-aware and do not anticipate their actions the way you write.One possibility is to find a second opinion as to whether you have been overdiagnosed or misdiagnosed.  This happens a lot, especially in clinics which make money from prescription drugs and creating dependencies on these prescription drugs.Yes, follow your intuition and ask for help.  Just try to find a place which may see you in a different light than someone with a long list of diagnoses.
Topic: anger-management

Question: Why do I get angry so easily?
Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem?

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
I don't like the word "problem".  It is such a strong word.  However I would say that you have an issue that needs to be addressed and controlled before it directed at the wrong person and gets totally out of control.  I have found that anger management classes has been helpful for my clients.  Try and see if it will help.  You will be surprised at what you learn about your self.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How can I be more open and honest with my dad?
I avoid talking to him because he always makes me more upset. I can't be honest with him about anything because he is always rude to me.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Troy, I totally get this. It's a dilemma; you want your dad to know how he's hurting you but you don't feel safe enough to say anything to him. Your reaction is understandable; it's his responsibility as a parent to work harder than you to create that safe place for you to be open. But that's not who your dad is. Your dad is your dad, and waiting for him to change won't really help. Nothing you do can change your dad, but...there are things you can do for yourself and your relationship with him. While your response of avoiding him is understandable, I wonder what effect it has on your dad. It's possible that he's feeling frustrated, rejected and punished by your withdrawal. You may think he knows that you're feeling hurt, but he probably doesn't. So this is the squirrel chasing its tail: your dad is rude, so your habit is to be silent, then he maybe feels abandoned and frustrated. His frustration comes out as more rudeness, which makes you want to withdraw more, and the cycle starts all over again. You can't change his part of the cycle but you can change yours.Are you willing to take a risk? Can you be honest about how you're feeling? What's the worst thing that could happen if you said to your dad "You know why I avoid you? I stay silent because when I talk to you say rude things. So if you want me to talk, I need to know you can listen." I imagine it would come out differently because you're a few generations younger than me, but put that into your own words.I don't know the level of your dad's 'rudeness'. If he is abusive, then a better plan is to see a therapist alone or talk to someone about this. I don't want to put you at any risk. But if you don't worry your dad will hurt you, maybe give honesty a try.My point is that, as rude as your dad may be, checking out of a relationship by being silent is also rude. It's powerful...your silence. Your dad can't read your mind, and if you want things to be better you will need to get in that ring with him.And, if you're both open to it, seeing a therapist together can be really helpful. :)
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from JanaLee WagnerHope through life's complications. ):
This is a great question.  A good therapist should first be someone you can trust and second, someone who encourages you to be honest with yourself.  Therapy is a time to learn new coping skills and learn more about yourself.  You have the answers you need within yourself,  but it sometimes takes a keen ear to lead you to those answers.  This can't happen without trust and honesty. You may not always leave therapy feeling energized. Therapy can be hard work. But, you should always feel you have gained something to ponder that will help you better understand yourself.