thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: anxiety

Question: What is social anxiety?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Social anxiety means feeling very uneasy in social situations.  Often people are fearful of being judged, rejected, criticized, mocked, any bad feeling you can think of, even before they make any approach to someone in the group.Social anxiety is a fear someone has about being treated poorly without any sign which justifies feeling this way.If you walk into a group of people which specifically has a sign of not wanting to accept anyone who hasn't been part of the group for at least a dozen years, then walking into this group would justifiably trigger anxiety.If you walk into a business or organization meeting which assumes anyone who has an interest in the purpose of the group is welcome, and you do, and you feel anxiety imagining you'll fall short of expectations, is social anxiety.
Topic: depression

Question: My family says I have depression
I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.    Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
   Are they right, am I depressed?

Answer (from Kellie Spear, LCMHC, LMFTCompassionate online support & encouragement ):
It is hard to make sense of the many different feelings and moods we have, especially during the teen years. I am sorry that you have been feeling like you are not worth knowing or that you do not do anything right. Those are hard feelings to have!  Added to the challenge is the current state of things related to COVID-19. Have you noticed an increase in these feelings during the stay at home mandates? If you felt this same way before all of the changes that have occurred over the past few months, how is it different (if at all) when you were able to go to classes and do things with friends? One way that helps me to understand what depression feels like is to imagine that you are wearing dark sunglasses all of the time; because they are always on they make everything that you look at appear darker. When sadness or a low mood is the norm and you cannot find things to get excited about or look forward to that is a good indication that it is time to seek professional help. There are many things that you can do to help lift your mood (exercise, eat healthy foods and drink, get adequate sleep, share your feelings with someone you can trust, decrease social media exposure, etc.), it is important to explore all of the options that are available to you. Seeking out counseling or talking to a doctor that knows you and your medical history well is a first step towards changing the feelings you described. If it is determined that you are experiencing depression there are options that will help you feel better. I hope this helps to give you hope that what you are feeling can improve. Once your mood lifts you will have the energy you need to combat the thoughts that say you are not worth knowing or that you cannot do anything right. There are great cognitive behavior therapy resources and counselors out there that can help you fight those thoughts and as you do you will learn the tools that will help you silence the thoughts that defeat you and tear you down.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: Why do I feel like everyone hates me?
I constantly feel like everyone is up against me and trying their best to shut me down. It's ruining my mood and even my whole self. I have trouble sleeping, and I keep having sleep paralysis while dreaming of others mocking and judging me.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
The problem you describe sounds very wearing on your spirit.Are there particular reasons for why you feel everyone hates you?Have you been in a clash of ideas or opinions and feel yourself in the minority viewpoint?Or does your sense of being shut out start within your own mind, as though you anticipate that others will not like what you say?If actual conversations are leading you to feel left out, then evaluate whether to bring up certain points to the other person.Or, you may also decide that the relationships in which you feel shut out, are no longer worthwhile ones for you.If the problem is hesitating to interact because you imagine others will reject you, then maybe you can coach yourself into trying a small step toward introducing yourself and your thoughts to others.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: Do I have to go to counseling to get hormones to transition from female to male?

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I know that most people who are transitioning from one gender to another are required to enter into counseling at some point. Transitioning is a long process and there are many steps. I do not know for certain whether you need to be in counseling before receiving hormone therapy, but I do believe that it is a part of the process prior to an actual surgical transition.You may consider a book called the Transgender Guidebook. While I have not read this book, a trusted coworker and clinician says that it is very informative.If you are speaking with a physician about gender transition hormones, they would probably know whether counseling is required at that time or later in the process.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Kerri ScullyLicensed Professional Counselor):
There is no such thing as too many issues for counseling. Many issues are often interrelated and can all be worked on with some time and patience.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I handle my alcoholic son?
I have an alcoholic son who is draining me financially. I want to get him help, but he doesn't want help. It's making me anxious and depressed.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
What a heavy situation to be in.  It must be really hard to feel like you aren't able to help your son and the help you do try to give isn't truly helping him or you.  There's some things in this situation that are out of your control--what your son does, if he takes help or doesn't, and the feelings that come up for you about that.  I can only imagine how draining it would be as a parent to be unable to change something so important.  It makes sense you'd be feeling anxious and depressed.Let's switch for a minute to the things you have total control over--what are those things in this situation?  Maybe that's how you express your love for your son.  Or maybe it's how you choose to support him (even if it feels like it's a betrayal to him).  Pay attention as well to the amount of worry you experience--how much of that helps you plan vs how much of that is excess?  Knowing what worry isn't necessary can help to put you in control of how you spend some of your time.  You can replace this time with some self-care instead, giving back to yourself.Finding support groups or people that have similar situations can be very helpful. I'd say they are almost necessary.  Knowing other people get what you are going through and understand the emotional toll can be somewhat healing.  They may also know other resources or ideas you can try that are available to people in your situation.Something else to consider is grief work.  Letting go of some or all of the situation with your son (if that's what it comes down to) is a giant loss.  You probably already went through losing who your son was before the addiction, so it could be worth exploring the impact that had and has on you.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Should I get a divorce?
I have cheated on my husband of five years roughly ten times. I pretend we aren't married at my work. Recently, he has caught on, but I lie to cover it. He use to talk to girls online, but I have caught myself constantly having a affair.

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
Clearly you seem interested in being other people, and you are also concerned about your husband being unfaithful online.  But it seems like there is something that keeps you with your husband.   And I have so many questions for you: What are you looking for outside of your marriage?  Are you willing to give that up if your husband is not able to provide it?  Do you want to stay together and make it work? Do you want to open the lines of communication with your husband, so you could analyze the situation together?I suggest attending couple’s therapy or even couple’s mediation to assess and discuss where you want to go whit your relationship.  It will also help to establish healthy lines of communication, where you could express the pros and cons of the relationship, analyze if you are willing to work to stay together, or have some closure and process a separation. I provide a combination of counseling and mediation in couple's therapy, you can call 787466-5478 to make an appointment.¿Deberé divorciarme?Le he sido infiel a mi esposo al menos diez veces en los últimos cinco años.   En el trabajo pretendo que no soy casada.  Recientemente se fijo, pero mentí para cubrirlo. El hablaba con mujeres por el internet, pero yo he tenido varias aventuras.Claramente tu estas interesada en ver a otras personas, y estas preocupada de que tu esposo haya sido infiel.  Pero al parecer hay algo que aun sostiene la relación.  Tengo varias preguntas para ti: ¿Que estas buscando fuera de tu matrimonio?  ¿Estás dispuesta a dejar lo que encuentras fuera del matrimonio, si tu esposo no puede dártelo?  ¿Quieres quedarte con él y hacerlo funcionar? ¿Te gustaría abrir las líneas de comunicación con tu esposo, para que puedan analizar su relación?Les sugiero hacer terapia de pareja o inclusive mediación, para asesar y discutir a donde quieres llegar con tu relación.  También les ayudaría a re-establecer líneas  de comunicación de manera que puedan expresar los pros y contras de estar juntos, ver si pueden trabajar para mejorar su matrimonio o partir amigablemente.  En mi consultorio proveo una combinación de consejería de pareja y mediación, puede llamar al 787-466-5478 para una cita.
Topic: depression

Question: I get so angry that I want to explode
I've got so much anger. I don't know how to control myself. My girlfriend screams at me all the time, and sometime I don't know how to deal with life. I'm very depressed and angry. I feel lost.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Campbell River, You say you have anger but you don't mention how it shows. Or maybe it doesn't. Are you aggressive with your girlfriend? Since you mention depression, I wonder if you're bottling it all up somewhere instead of letting it show at all. If this is the case, I admire your ability to not lash out at someone who's hurting you. However, if they are totally  unexpressed, anger turn inward and shift into depression. When she yells at you, what do you do? Is this the moment that you feel the most angry? I wouldn't be surprised; anger is a normal response to someone yelling at you. Something about anger...it's often there to cover up our more vulnerable emotions. Under the anger I wonder if you feel worthless, powerless, scared, unloved. Part of the trick to reducing anger is identifying those other emotions and expressing them. You say you don't know how to deal with life, and I think maybe you mean you don't know how to deal with emotions. Lots of people don't! This is confusing for most of us. What am I feeling? Why is it so strong? I'm afraid to express it for fear of hurting someone (or falling apart, or feeling alone...). How do I know what to express and what to be quiet about? These are all great questions to ask yourself, and a qualified therapist can help you sort it all out and support you in your growth. I wish you well!
Topic: relationships

Question: My girlfriend is always accusing me of cheating on her when I haven't
Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?

Answer (from Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com):
Open and honest communication can go a long way in situations like yours. Your girlfriend may be suspicious if you don't give her enough information. Answer her questions fully. Ask for her suggestions as to how to handle this female friend. Ask for your girlfriend for help in getting the female friend to understand that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. If you are honest with your friend, your girlfriend will probably feel like you are being honest with her.
Topic: parenting

Question: Is it ok ayto talk with my grown children about spending time with their children?
I was a single mom most of their growing up life and have guilt about trying to work three jobs and being gone a lot. My children are successful with their own business's, have lots of nanny and cleaning help, but I just feel they have such a great opportunity to spend it with their kids.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
You seem to have been a very positive influence in your kids' lives.They may have worked so hard because they understood how difficult and tiring your life was as a single mom.I feel you are seeing your kids' lives through the measurement of how much toil was in your life as a single mom.In other words, what you see your kids overlooking or not appreciating, may remind you of your wishes during the many years you raised your kids.If it helps you and is possible, then maybe you could spend more of your own time tougher with your grandkids.  This may give some reward for the many years you spent working to support your kids and had no choice in the amount of time you had with your kids.As far as your kids relationship to their kids, it is now their turn to raise them as they wish, within ethical boundaries of course.Depending on the topics you and your kids talk about, consider to bring up your concern as to whether they feel their kids, your grandkids, are missing anything due to the limited time they have with the parents.
Topic: parenting

Question: I don't know how to communicate with my adult daughter
There is just no communication at all between us. She sleeps constantly all day (not at night). She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat.    She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.
   I don't know how to communicate with her. She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her?

Answer (from Mirella Caro-CortesHelping Families & Marriages Repair, Recover & Thrive):
Hello, I know that your situation is frustrating and debilitating.  It sounds like she either has a medical or mental condition.  She needs help, and for the sounds of it, you want to help her.  I suggest that you take the time to contemplate the best way and time to approach her.  Rehearse ahead of time what you want her to hear and what the end goal is.  I know it might seem like a lot of work for you to do and perhaps you even feel frustrated about that, but the only way you will reach her is if you approach it in a way she hears your concern and desire to help her.  Be prepared with facts and places to go for help.  The better prepared you are, the better the chances of her to act on it.  Remind her how much you love her and how it is not healthy for her or for the relationship for this to continue.  With lots of love and patience, you can make a difference.  Stay Strong!Best of luck to you and your daughter, Mirella~
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: How can I cope with work related stress better?
I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
   What can I do to manage my stress?

Answer (from Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!):
Ugh!  We spend so many hours at work, so if it's a tough environment it can really drag you down.  Is this your "dream job" gone sour or a "just pay the bills" deal that has gotten stale?  It makes a big difference in terms of next steps.For example, if this job is a step on the way to a bigger goal, it might be time to assess whether you need to be moving along to then next phase.  Have you learned what you needed to learn to make this a helpful experience?  Or do you sense there is more to learn, but you feel stuck in some way? If this current job is part of a bigger plan, then you need to practice some good self care, set up ways to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing, and make sure you are including some "carrots" along the way.  That might mean spending some time each week networking (preferably live but online works well too) with peers in similar situations (entrepreneur groups, skill building trainings, etc).  Big dreams require small steps, but we all need support along the way.If , however, this is "just a job", then you really have to reassess your situation.  If you are burned out and not getting paid your worth then  look around for other opportunities.  You are employed, not owned.  You mentioned anxiety, and while I don't want to minimize the very real issues anxiety presents, is it possible that some of your anxiety can be seen as "revving your engine"  and readying you to move on?  Or is it that pervasive feeling  of never being able to finish your work, feeling like you will be "in trouble", or dreading every single moment of your workday?  The first is a potentially positive motivator, the second is just bad for you.   See the difference?In order to feel any satisfaction with your job, it needs to be financially rewarding (to a level that makes sense), be a good atmosphere to learn, be supportive and/or be a step on the way to a bigger plan you have.  If your job isn't fulfilling any of those criteria, you need to move on.  And finally, if the only reason you have this job is to pay the bills, and you truly see no way around keeping your current position for now, remember why you are there - this is a job, not a family.  You rent your brain and body to your employer, not your heart and soul.  Those belong to you and you are responsible for feeding them.  That means good self-care, making sure you have social engagement (face-to-face, not just online), move your body, feel the sun on your face daily, creating ways to refresh your body and mind and generally taking care of your whole being.Discomfort exists for a reason - it primes us for change, gives us the necessary motivation to take reasonable risks, and pesters us until we do so.  The first step is to figure out what change is realistic, and take action.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Emily Freeze, MPH, MA, LMFTSpecialist in Women's Mental Health):
I think this is a very common question that people who have never been to counseling before have.  There is a lot of anxiety in going to counseling for the first time.  This is normal.  In answer to your  question, the answer is an absolute NO!  An important thing to remember about getting counseling is that it is a courageous first step towards hope and healing.  Getting help is like training to run a marathon, it is not a sprint.  You have shared a lot of issues that you are dealing with from your past, that are now negatively impacting your present, but I believe that in getting the right kind of help and support, none of them are impossible to overcome.  Part of the therapeutic process is defining and prioritizing therapy goals.  In collaboration with you, as a client, a therapist is there to help you with this process in determining what you would like to work on first.  Not getting counseling, based on the history you have shared, has the potential to put you more at risk for mental and physical health issues.  You are already seeing this happen as you begin to experience new symptoms, namely your anxiety.  In therapy, you will gain understanding and insight, as well as learn skills and strategies to manage the symptoms you are experiencing.In conclusion, I would encourage you to reach out to a licensed counselor who has experience in treating trauma, grief/loss and will address shame.  These are three areas that I have found that gets to  the core issues that are contributing to your depression and anxiety.   I believe you can get the help you need to find hope and healing.  Best of luck to you!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Jim Ciraky PhD., LPC.Cognitive Behavioral Therapy ):
Quick Way to Assess a
Great Therapist A colleague and I were discussing the characteristics of
successful therapists. I gave him some traits, some of which were listed by
Robinson (2012). The therapist should be able to listen to your story, build
rapport, establish a relationship, demonstrate empathy, adapt treatments to the
client/situation, use effective communication skills, exhibit confidence in use
of therapeutic techniques, and repeatedly update skills with ongoing education
and research.  You should talk with the therapist. In addition to asking
the therapist about his/her experiences and specialty in treating the issue you
want to address; you will gain a sense of the therapist’s ability to connect
with you in your first phone call or meeting with him/her. This is why I offer
a free 15-minute phone consultation. You can use the above criteria to gauge
the therapist’s ability to do the following: Hear you, join with you in
understanding the issue, and indicate some ways in which the issue may be
treated.Regarding training a therapist, just ask the therapist if he or she can comply with what you are looking for, or what has worked with you before if you have had prior counseling. If you just like a therapist to listen, you are looking for a non-directive therapist. If you want one to be more active in guiding you, choose a directive therapist. You can also ask them with which type of client/issue they work best. I specialize treating anxiety and relationships and would
like to talk with you if you have questions about how I may be able to help
you.  Jim Ciraky PhDLicensed Professional Counselor GA, USAAdventHelp.com404.293.5654