thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: parenting

Question: How can I help my kids get along?
For the last year, my adolescent son and daughter have been driving me nuts with fighting. I'm at my wits end. How can I get them to stop and get along?

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
That is a good question. Unfortunately there is no generic answer with this one. Kids fight for different reasons - wanting attention, wanting respect, feeling jealous, wanting space and to be left alone, or a whole bunch of other reasons. Regardless of the underlying motivations for fighting, most conflicts result from misunderstandings and assumptions about the motivations of others and one of the best ways to start figuring out what is going on is to sit them down and have some conversations with them. These conversations should be centred on getting a better understanding of why they are angry with each other and really understanding them. It is important that they each know that you are committed to understanding their experience rather than simply sitting them down and lecturing them about what they are doing wrong. The more they are able to understand each other and feel understood the more likely they will be cooperative and considerate of each other. One exercise for doing this that can be very helpful is "active listening" where one person speaks and the other person reflects back what they heard the other person say and then checks for understanding. This is hard to do but it often illuminates where the misunderstandings and assumptions are. If this doesn't work it may be time to get a family therapist or counsellor involved who can help facilitate dialogue and resolve conflict.
Topic: depression

Question: My family says I have depression
I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.    Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
   Are they right, am I depressed?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
Characterized by persistent sadness and a lack of interest or pleasure in previously rewarding or enjoyable activitiesYou're not alone. Globally, more than 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression - WHOFollowing could be potential causes of depression1. Family history. You’re at a higher risk for developing depression if you have a family history of depression.2. Early childhood trauma.3. Some events affect the way your body reacts to fear and stressful situations.4. Brain structure.5. Medical conditions.6. Drug use.Like I always state seeking to get physical and mental tests done then start a path in talk therapy
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer (from Melissa AustinHelping children and families become resilient):
Change your total daily routine, different route, different lunch, different afternoon.  Sit outside for 10 minutes three times every day, use a therapy light during the day, aroma-therapy oils for stimulation, but....keep your routine bedtimes and wake up times......and exercise at least 3 times per week,  if after several weeks you are not feeling better....talk with your doctor.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?

Answer (from Amanda Babineau-LaRoseCounseling related to depression, anxiety, aging, grief and loss, medical illness, and adjustment to changes across the lifespan. ):
When you feel the frustration and anger building inside you have that be a trigger for you to remember a feeling that you want to experience instead of anger, frustration and guilt, for example understanding. Then say that word to yourself as you take deep breaths. But know that this is normal for caregivers/family members to have these reactions because it is also an emotional roller coaster for you. Even though it is normal it is still good to try to respond differentyl and I commend you for doing that. You also may want to look for a Caregiver Support group which will help you hear from others who also respond this way.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?
When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.

Answer (from David AlpertEnlightened Care):
You are in an abusive relationship-not because of your boyfriend's silences but because he is comfortable being sarcastic and hurtful, never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. It is your choice to participate in an abusive relationship. You can not stop an abusive partner from being abusive no matter how wonderfully you treat your partner. You can either accept the terrible relationship as it is or reach out for the support that you need to leave the abusive relationship. I wish you well, always.
Topic: depression

Question: What can I do about my depression and anxiety after trying so many things?
I have terrible anxiety and depression. I've tried various therapists and pills, but nothing's helped.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Is it possible you simply didn't mix well with the particular therapists with whom you've worked?   If this is possible, interview a therapist before  starting therapy.   Then you will be choosing a therapist who feels compatible with your way of seeing yourself and your life.Also, therapy isn't for everyone.Read about the different healing modalities and see if one of these speaks to your interest in feeling better.What matters most is finding among all the legitimate healing methods, what you believe will be effective.
Topic: relationships

Question: I'm having a lot of conflict in my relationship
We do communicate but one of us has trouble accepting what the other person says. How can I fix things?

Answer (from Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant):
Being able to accept your partner's influence is a key relationship skill. And it's very two sided.  Chances are if you don't feel your partner is being influenced by you, they likely don't feel you are being influenced by them either. The best fix you can practice is to soften yourself into your partner and see how much more open you can be to their influence.  Play with it.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: I lie to my mom about my relationship
I use to be so happy. No matter what, I always was happy. I got into a relationship with this guy. I love him so much. We’re both teenagers. The week after his birthday, my mom made me stop talking to him. It broke me. He came to my house and talked to her, and she let us date again but not see each other. He comes up to my school every day and it tears me apart that I have to lie to her.

Answer (from Kathryn ClappKathryn Clapp LMHC, LLC):
I understand that this can be difficult when you care about someone. Have you had a discussion with your mom as to why she does not want you and this boy to see each other, and what her concerns are? It sounds as though you and your mom may be able to use some help with communicating, and compromising. It is understandable that you do not to feel comfortable having  to lie to your mom. It  would be helpful if she could understand that you having to lie to he is getting in the way of you being able to go to her with any issue and  feel she will hopefully understand or try to understand where you are coming from.  Have either one of you been in family therapy? This may be something you may want to suggest to your mom to help you both understand where each one is coming from. If your mood is sad, and your feeling worse, it is important that you reach out to an adult, parent, person at school whom you trust to share your feelings and help you feel understood and work through your problems.
Topic: depression

Question: How do depression and PMS symptoms contribute to one another and what can I do about it?
I struggle with depression as well as pretty intense mood swings throughout the month. I experience highs where I feel amazing and energetic and then lows where I lack focus, energy, and generally have a more dark outlook on my life. How can I live a more balanced life?

Answer (from Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"):
It's fun to ride the roller coaster from time to time, isn't it? :)But, it's also weary-making, and leads to drainage that no man or woman can hardly anticipate!Balance comes with proper understanding of the different bodies you possess and how they function.And, to begin, we focus upon your physical, and move right up the latter to the spiritual, and begin cleaning you out.Unbalance is an experience of blocked energies that should be naturally flowing (call them what thou mayest); when blockages are removed, what is naturally there flows, and flows beautifully...
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Laura Zane-NwagbaraochaEmpath, Authentic, Therapist, Wife, Mom):
Hi, A good fit should have expertise in your issues. Generally, if you read their profile it should resonate with you...like they are talking directly to you. When you get into the therapy sessions, a good therapist will adapt their style to match your needs, they have done years of training to make sure they can help, so you should not have to "train your therapist" :) If you do, they are NOT a good fit. The idea of coming to therapy, is that you are there to get a different perspective and change what is not working for you, by that definition, you may not know what you need from therapy and that is where your therapist should be guiding you. That being said, in order for your therapist to give you the best service possible, they do need for you to be honest and let them know if you are willing or unwilling to incorporate the strategies they are offering. They need you to be willing to try things that are uncomfortable. A good therapist will also challenge your beliefs, make you question what you have done before...occasionally you should leave lighter, sometimes heavier, sometimes happy, sometimes lost in thought. If they are a good fit, you should feel like you can be your authentic self and feel safe, even if it is not easy. If you leave their office feeling like they are just a friend and you are not growing, they probably are not a right fit. If you leave their office feeling constantly frustrated, they are probably not a good fit. If they are not, let them know. A lot of times they can change their style or refer you to someone who is a better fit. It is okay to let your therapist know it does not seem to be working for you.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I be less anxious around new people?
I have developed bad social anxiety within the last year, and I just can't stand to be around people. I recently got a new girlfriend, and she is extremely close to her large family and wants me to be around them all of the time. My last visit with them, I was quiet and uncomfortable, and she got mad.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
I think what you are describing is pretty common.  Even people without social anxiety have a hard time talking to their partner's family--it can feel overwhelming.One thing about social anxiety is that it creates avoidance behavior.  You may be avoiding conversation so you don't embarrass yourself or say something wrong, or maybe even feel like people don't like you.  The truth is that those are just simply fears.  You may overanalyze how people react when you put yourself out there, but we aren't that great at reading what people are actually thinking based on body language (unless we really know the person).  The challenge here is to avoid that avoidant behavior--talk to people.  You don't have to talk to everybody all at once.  Just find a person you feel safe(ish) with, someone that seems pretty nice and open.  It's ok to have anxiety about talking to people, and it's even ok if they know you are anxious.  Social anxiety can cause us to think too much about how we respond, which can make conversations seem choppy and unnatural.  Pay attention to the way you respond to people you have less or no anxiety talking with--what does this look like for you?  You can try to bring some of that to your conversations with her family.  Or with anyone, really.Another thing to know is that it's normal to change our conversational style to fit who we are talking with.  What that doesn't mean is being a completely different person--it's still totally OK to be you.  It's just like applying a different filter based on the situation.  Some of that will work itself out the more you practice and the more you put yourself out there.  It's tough to know what the boundaries are of expression sometimes, so be patient with yourself.  We all make many "mistakes" socially, but that's necessary to learn about ourselves.  Give yourself that chance!
Topic: children-adolescents

Question: How do I deal with bullying at school?
I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years.
   How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
To be bullied is very painful.I'm glad you know the bullies are doing the wrong thing and whatever they are telling you is pure meanness.Depending on how independent you feel, why not tell either your classroom teacher or schedule an appointment with the vice principal?Bullying other students is taken very seriously in some states and schools are expected to address the bullying until the victimized student feels safe.If you hesitate to do this on your own, then would you ask either of your parents or even a friend of yours who is also in the school, to report the problem?In case you are afraid the bullies will retaliate for reporting them, then tell this to whatever school authority you decide to ask for help.You're entitled to be protected by your school.
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?
I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
   I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

Answer (from Sara Makin, M.S.Ed.,NCC#1 Best Selling Author & Counselor):
First off, I would like to congratulate you on making the decision to stop smoking.  The next thing I want to share is that there are so many different ways to kick the habit. Some people find solace in groups, while others prefer to see a counselor about this individually. Remember, that the crux of addiction is feeling one way and using a substance or thing to feel a different way.  My suggestion is to find an addiction counselor and create an individualized plan together to help you stop smoking . Your chances of stopping smoking are much higher when you have professional support and a plan to work on outside of your sessions.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Debbie Gottlieb):
The feeling of being worthless is caused by your inside being not matching your outside result. Your comparison to others and you thinking you need to be someone other than who you are. You are not worthless. No one is worthless. You need to find your worth and not let yourself talk yourself out of the good you find in yourself. I hope these words resonate with you and that you start looking for your worth even if it’s as simple as I am able to get out of bed and call someone and make a joke.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Michelle HuczekLPC-IT, MS):
The very act of therapy is about purging that which you've been holding on to. Sometimes while we talk about and let things go, crying happens, which is a natural emotional response to processing something complex. Sometimes we get really angry and mad, sometimes, there is no emotional response. All is well, keep going!
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?
I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.
   I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
It is very good news that you realize the risks of smoking cigarettes while pregnant and are willing to stop.Thinking about smoking is a typical and frequent reaction to being without the substance.Be creative with what you know about yourself to distract you when this psychological urge comes up.  My suggestions are to imagine smoking if you find this would relieve the sense of wanting to smoke.Or, do the opposite and remind yourself of all the good reasons to not smoke.Also, since you're planning pregnancy then ask your partner for ideas on how to make the psychological feeling to want to smoke, feel less intense.Another suggestion is that your partner is your texting buddy to stop smoking.   With AA groups, a sponsor is always available for the alcoholic who feels distress about the urge to drink.   Having a trusted and caring person to tell about your problem helps in many situations.  Maybe it will help you to stop smoking.Good luck!
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I get my fiancé to notice me again?
My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Rockford, While no relationship is "perfect", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different. "He has no time for me"... yet you don't fight. Hmmm...Is it that you don't fight because you don't bring up what's bothering you? Are you avoiding conflict? Many people do. What do you fear would happen if you let him know how you feel about his recent pulling away? As an engaged couple, now is a really good time to see what happens when you bring a concern to your fiance. Better to find out now what happens when you rock the boat by being real. Or maybe you have spoken to him about it. If so, what happens? Does he listen and help you understand him better? Or does he avoid and reassure you...or maybe dismiss you? This is really important data to gather about how your fiance handles conflict and how you work together. He says "leave me alone". That's a pretty bold statement about what he wants. He doesn't seem to have the same idea that you do about what marriage is, and how close you want to be. Plus, I have to say, those words sound more like what a closed-off fourteen year old would say to a parent than a loving fiance to his bride to be! Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be that your fiance is scared about getting married and this is a temporary reaction that will change. But if this is true, he needs to tell you that so you can understand. So, I suggest that the fact that when you're together you're "okay" is perhaps not the best barometer for how you're doing as a couple. Listen to your gut. I encourage you to be really open with your fiance about what your feelings and fears are. This may get rockier before it gets better, but until you face what's not working, you won't know who you truly are as a couple.  When you're engaged, it's a really cool time to see a therapist too...to get some conflict resolution skills down before you're a married couple.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What can I do about my boyfriend being so close with another girl?
My boyfriend has this close female friend. It always bothered me because of how close they are, so I decided to meet her. That made the situation worse because they were even closer than what I thought. They acted like a couple rather than friends with each other. There was no physical interaction, but he talks to this girl a lot. What can I do? Leaving him isn't an option.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Well, as hurtful as witnessing your boyfriend's closeness with his female friend, I"m glad you saw firsthand the dynamic of your concern.There isn't anything you can directly do to stop his relationship with this lady.It is possible to influence his side of their relationship.Directly telling him your discomfort with how close the two are, may make him pause before engaging with her in a discussion.  This is nothing to count on since the control is in his hands and not yours.I'm sorry to read that the option to leave this relationship is out of the question.The only way left is to get used to the fact that you don't like this aspect of your boyfriend, and this is a disheartening outlook overall to you and to your relationship overall.If after repeated effort to influence him by your opinions, your effort to adjust to a situation you don't like, if at all possible, consider a longterm plan to discontinue this relationship because by that time it may feel very oppressive in your life.