thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: My therapist betrayed my trust
My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.
   I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again. I don't know what to do.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Do you want this therapist to have your credit card information?If not, then cancel the credit cards that you believe may now be accessible to this therapist.Therapists are expected to keep very clear boundaries between the therapy work and not have other relationships, such as "friend" or "money lender" with someone who is their patient.Therapists are never "friends" with their patients.Letting you believe that you are the therapist's friend, is a violation of professional ethics and almost definitely, a violation of the Consumer Protection laws in your State.Start by dropping this person as your therapist.  He has broken too many ethical standards to be worthy of offering therapy.Think over if you'd like remaining friends with this person, whom you describe as lacking integrity and stealing from you.If you need help getting back money from him, then contact the police and talk to a detective about what has happened so far.  The detective will advise according to the laws in your community and State, whether to file a police report, and what steps are necessary to utilize the Court system to get back your funds.If you'd like doing future patients who may be treated to similar ways by this therapist, a favor, go online and file a complaint with the therapist's Licensing Board.Good luck!
Topic: addiction

Question: How can I stop struggling with alcohol?
My father is an alcoholic, and I see tendencies of that in myself. I am recently married, and I feel it affecting our relationship. I'm not sure why I do it, but I want to stop. How can I find the willpower?

Answer (from Jason Lynch, MS, LMHC, LCAC, ADSIndividual & Couples Therapy):
Congratulations on taking the first step on the road towards recovery by acknowledging the problem and asking for help! The American Society of Addiction Medicine defines addiction as "a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual's life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences." Notice that nothing in the definition speaks about willpower or motivation. That's because addiction is a disease - just like diabetes or high blood pressure. Imagine I gave a huge piece of chocolate cake to a diabetic. After he eats the cake, I say to him "Use your willpower to lower your glucose to 100." Do you think he would be successful? All addictions are behaviors. Behavior can be understood in terms of function and reinforcement. All behavior is either an attempt to get something or an attempt to get away from something. If you apply this logic to addictive behaviors, the use of mood-altering substances is an attempt to create a particular feeling or emotion, or an attempt to numb one. When a behavior is reinforced, we are more likely to engage in the same behavior again in the future. Let's assume that I'm feeling very anxious. I drink some alcohol and notice that my anxiety decreases. My brain takes note of this and the next time I'm feeling anxious I am more likely to reach for a bottle. Now, imagine this happening hundreds, if not thousands, of times.  Addiction recovery is about identifying and treating the underlying reasons for the use. A qualified addiction therapist will assist you in developing a relapse prevention plan that addresses these underlying issues and helps you to identify triggers for your use. Additionally, you will learn how to avoid triggers and gain healthy coping skills to use instead of relying on alcohol. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Recovery can be difficult and requires a willingness to change just about everything in your life. But the rewards are tremendous!
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I deal with a “crush” in a relationship?
I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it’s “just a crush” but I don't know how to cope with it.    How should I deal with this?

Answer (from Tamara PowellAnything But Ordinary!):
I can only imagine how hard that must have been to hear. On one hand, most of us would say we want our partners to always be honest with us, but on the other disclosures like this can lead to feelings of worry and inadequacy if we're not careful. So let me first of all say that it is very normal for human beings, even very committed and happy partners to have moments where they notice an attraction for someone else. Quite honestly, the brain can't help it. It sees something good looking and it pays attention. And when we pay attention to something good, our brains send out neurochemicals associated with that happy thought...and we get a rush of what your girlfriend is labeling "a crush." The difficulty here is deciphering whether she was just attempting to honor her commitment to you by sharing this feeling OR if she is continuing to feed those feelings. I would encourage you to thank her for being honest if you haven't already, and ask her to further describe the nature of these feelings and what she'd like to do from here. As weird as it is to say, at the end of the day, what helps the most is typically reassuring yourself that you WILL be okay not matter what! That it is worth it to invest in your relationship and give it your all and if someday, god forbid, this woman chooses to walk away, then she is not the one. Will it hurt? Of course. But is it the end? Hell no! There are 7.5 billion people on the planet and I firmly believe statistically speaking alone, there are at least several hundred thousand that could be AMAZING partners for you. Cheering you on,Tamara Powell, LMHCP.S. You might enjoy this excellent book by Esther Perel for further inquiry into the fascinating world of love and mating behaviors: "Mating in Captivity”
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Eric Rhinehart, LMFT, LAADC, CCMI-M, CIPER Interventions & Therapy Services):
Absolutely! In fact it is encouraged to let it out and embrace the hurt.  Trust me when I say this, "you're not alone." Many of my patients cry, especially the men after seeing that there is no shame in crying in session. It is almost as if they're seeking permission to be able to let go.  My thoughts on crying is that in order for someone to appropriately process the pain, hurt and suffering one might be experiencing you have to work through it and let it all out. Crying is cathartic and healing.  Therapy is one of the safest places to be vulnerable and peel back the layers of the onion, so you can get to the roots of the issues that have been weighing on you. Let it out and let go so you can move forward and feel the weight lifted off your shoulders,
Topic: self-esteem

Question: My ex left without fully explaining but I feel broken and empty
About 5 months ago my ex left without fully explaining why. For me it seemed out of the blue. I don't miss her as much as I used to but I just don't trust people anymore, not even my friends who I have known since my childhood not even my family. I'm so terrified of being judged or dismissed. Instead of acting like someone else or putting on a mask of a personality, I've just shut down. I haven't felt that sense of comfort and happiness with myself since everything fell apart. I'm scared to because I don't want it to be taken away from me again. I feel like ever lesson I learn only last a day. I just don't know what to do. I'm working at a place I know I should enjoy. I'm keeping up with my creative passions: working out, eating healthy, etc. I'm doing everything the books say I should do, but I don't feel any different. I just don't know what to do.

Answer (from Tiffany NicholasThe road to a better you):
Sounds like you need closure. I'm sure your doing your best to overcome this feeling but seem to be struggling with your own happiness. Trust God no one else. Give this some time and don't close yourself off to the world or the people who love you. Be open hearted and minded. And know that no matter what reason your ex walked out of your life, she missed out on how great of a person you truly are and may have had personal issues of her own.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?
I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

Answer (from Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist):
No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. "Wrong" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you. You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Why is it so hard for me to be social?
I was in a relationship for almost five years. We were friends for a few years before we got into a relationship. He was a caring, friendly, and charming guy up until three and a half years in. He started controlling me: who I hung out with, where I was at all times, and he had a huge hissy fit if I tried to ask him the same questions. All that time, he just liked me as a friend and was cheating on me with my so-called friends. At the end, he was a nasty and narcissistic person. Now it’s hard to be social.

Answer (from Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor):
It sounds like you had a very confusing and painful experience in this relationship, and now you feel hesitant to let yourself get close to people. It is understandable that when we are hurt in relationships, we may have trouble trusting and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others.Therapy is a great place to explore the roots of present difficulties in relationships, to unpack what happened in prior relationships, and to find new ways to show up in relationships so that we can have the relaxed intimacy that we want. Often, relationship difficulties represent patterns of relating that we learn early in life which we may feel compelled to act on outside of our awareness and therapy provides an opportunity to become more aware of these patterns so that we can change them, enabling us to feel secure and to seek out satisfying companionship.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why is my ex-boyfriend upset with me?
I went to my ex-boyfriend to reach out to one of his high school friends who's attempted to commit suicide. When I went to him to reach out to his high school friend, he told me that I put him in a terrible position and put an enormous load on his shoulders. He was very angry that I went to him to do that. Am I in the wrong for going to him to reach out? He helped me so much with my depression and bad habits, so that's why I thought of him to reach out. He made me feel awful for thinking highly of him to help. Why did he react this way towards me? I think he's being selfish.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I'm glad you think so highly of your boyfriend and his ability to be there when you would like to talk about things that are important to you.I see why you would want them to reach out. I also wonder about how close he was with his friend and what he thought you meant when you asked him to reach out. It sounds as if he is thinking that doing so would mean that he is responsible for his friend's well-being, although I can't say that for certain.Would you be willing to have a discussion with your boyfriend where for a few minutes (five minutes or so), you ask him about what made him react that way? During this time, try to listen and ask questions is if you are an investigative reporter and are trying to learn more about his experience. You can also summarize what you are hearing to make sure that you understand it as he does. This does not mean that you have to agree with what you say, but just that you follow. I hear you saying that you think he's being selfish. I'm suggesting that just during this conversation, you ask questions to focus on what he is thinking and feeling. In one sentence, the goal would be to learn more about his experience.I would not be at all surprised if he is scared.Are you aware of what kind of support he wants through this time?
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How can I be happier and healthier?
I've tried working out and eating fruits and vegetables, but I always seem to eat the junk in the house.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Maybe you need more motivation to avoid eating the junk in your house.Also, if you are the only person in your household who eats healthy, eating differently from everyone else may seem less fun.Try creating your own world of a healthy culture through social media because this may give you a sense of not being alone in your effort in healthy living.
Topic: parenting

Question: I can't leave my negative environment without leaving behind my fiancé
My fiancé and I have been in a relationship for two years. We have an infant son. My fiancé also has a child from a previous relationship. We do not live together. I live with my mother currently while I get on my feet, and he's living with some friends. My mother and I have an awful relationship that is completely unbearable most of the time. We cannot even stand to be around one another while living in the same house. She has made it clear that she wants me gone. Recently, I was talking to my father who lives in a different state. My father and I have always had a good relationship. I explained to him the situation I am in with my mother, and he said he would like for me, my fiancé, and our son to come live with him and his wife. I would really love to go. I do not want my son to be in this environment with constant arguing and negativity any longer. There is nowhere else for me to stay while remaining in this state. The problem is my fiancé is refusing to move away with me because he does not want to leave behind his other child. He and his child's mother have a horrible relationship, and she would absolutely not be willing to let him visit if we moved away. I believe I would be doing what is best for my child by moving away, but I do not want to leave without my fiancé. I have already explained the situation to him, and he will not give in. Do I continue to stay in this negative environment with my child and keep our family together? Do I move away with my child and have my relationship end? I do not want to take him out of either of his kids’ lives. What do I do?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Bethlehem,You have a big decision to make.  I appreciate your fiancé's need to stay close to his child and be a stand-up dad, and I am glad that you know your son needs an emotionally safe place.I'm a bit confused, because the obvious answer seems to be that you and your fiancé would get your own place together. I get that you want your dad to take care of all of you, but maybe it's time to take responsibility for your own future and start building it independently of either parent. I say that without knowing how old you are, but if you have a child and a two year relationship, you basically have declared your independence anyway.  I wish you the best.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
I love these questions! You will know you have the right therapist for you because you resonate with them and you feel better after each treatment. The second part to question two, is that first, you have to allow your therapist to learn about you and you have to be honest and open to their expertise. You are not paying for help from yourself, but you should be paying for someone who makes you feel better as well as someone who also looks past what you have been trying to get or what you think you need from therapy because hopefully they give you a new perspective of what you thought you needed, which is what we call an "aha moment." You will want to have those in your sessions. Because you are paying to decrease whatever the issue is, but also you are paying for getting better, or more confident in who you are or who you want to become!
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my girlfriend?
My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.

Answer (from Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist):
You're probably not going to like my answer.Your question says a lot about what YOU want rather than what she wants or what may be best for her. Sometimes, what's best for a person is the hardest thing to do, and may be completely opposite of what YOU want.Addictions don't happen in a vacuum. If you've had any experience with addicts at all, then I'm sure you've heard the term "enabler". A lot of the times, when people think they're "helping", they're actually enabling the addict to continue their self-destructive behavior. Tough love and clear boundaries are needed in a lot of situations, but especially with addictions. Family and friends are often the biggest contributing factor to someone choosing to use/drink, continuing to do so, or relapsing back into it.You said she recently quit. You said she is depressed. She wants to move. When a person receives counseling for addictions, they are encouraged to make changes like this. They need to break the habit, and this means removing people from their lives at times. It means moving to new locations. Anything that may trigger a relapse needs to be identified and removed. Not only that, but the addict needs to do a lot of personal reflection to figure out WHY they use/drink in the first place, and not only break the physical addiction to it, but deal with whatever is the root cause that led them to use in the first place. She may need some time alone to figure out who she is as a person, time to make some decisions for herself and do what she needs to do to be healthy.Don't pressure her to stay. Let her have the freedom to do what she needs to do. If she stays, the decision needs to be hers and hers alone. It doesn't need to be made under pressure. That will only lead to resentment. Support her, but don't try to change her or make her do anything, especially for selfish reasons. Let her go. It sounds like she needs some time to focus on herself right now. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do the same.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Kelly Freeman, MS, LPC"Change Your Thoughts and you change the World." -Norman Vincent Peale):
You'll know you have the right therapist when after the first few sessions you feel comfortable enough to tell them things you wouldn't tell anyone else. It's important in therapy for that rapport to be built from the beginning and that you as the client feel comfortable enough to share what you need to share. You shouldn't feel judgement from your therapist and you should be able to trust the advice your therapist provides. Therapy isn't about advice, don't get me wrong, but to truly implement the changes that need to be implemented to improve your life you need to trust the person giving the advice. Your therapist should have your best interest at heart and truly listen to what you have to say. The therapist should be willing to meet you where you are in your world and attempt to see the world from your perspective to truly understand what you have been through. You need to feel comfortable in therapy to be yourself and say what's on your mind. Therapy shouldn't be something that should be dreaded but it can get uncomfortable depending on the depth of the things being discussed.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How can I get over my OCD and anxiety?
I suffer from checking and cleaning OCD. Can counseling help me to get over it?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Absolutely!  Exposure techniques in counseling have shown to be extremely effective for working through compulsions.  First thing I would say is to make sure you feel a good connection with your counselor and you feel it's a good fit.  It's hard to get through that anxiety already, but having a counselor that feels right for you will help to buffer that a bit and help guide you through the exposures.Not sure what kind of access you have in your area, but some counselors that specialize in exposure therapy will actually come to you to support you through an exposure.  It's very treatable so just take it a step at a time and hang in there!
Topic: marriage

Question: My husband seems to be changing, and I feel angry and hurt
My husband took a job out of state for the next year and seems to be a different person. Before, he worked and slept, and on off days, he'd stay home because he didn't want to do anything else. Now he's going out with friends several nights a week while I'm still home working a 50 hours a week job and taking care of two kids by myself. He's suddenly saying he misses me and wants me to be his adored wife, but the whole time, I'm remembering how I've been emotionally starving for the last five years.

Answer (from Peggy Phipps, LCSWMain Line Adult Counseling, LLC / Your Life: Reimagined ):
My first concern is you: As you stated, you have been emotionally starving for the past five years.  Please try to find time for you; to clarify your thoughts and feelings by writing, talking to a trusted friend or family member and perhaps seeing a therapist.What's really going on with your husband?  Does he discuss in detail his sudden change? Can the two of you still talk? Do you want the same things?  Before you go to couples counseling, I suggest that you get some support first to feel grounded within yourself and your life.  Make sure you are ready to hear what might come out of counseling.   I wish you the best.