thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: How do I move past my depression from being separated from the military?
Two years ago, I was separated from the military into my contract for medical issues. It has emotionally destroyed me. I now basically hate myself. It's embarrassing to be separated from the one place who takes anyone. My family has been in the armed forces, and it has always been my dream. I can't do this alone anymore, and now my family is even worried.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
It sounds like being separated from the armed forces is a major loss for you. It takes some time to work through the emotions related to this and it often takes longer if you are trying to work through it without a lot of support.Is there a task that you were doing during your military service that can in some way transfer into civilian life? I don't know what else your life involves, whether you have close friends or a romantic partner, a career, activities that you like to do, and many other things. You may be able to use some of the things that you still have today as a way to start moving forward in a different direction.Your military service will always be a part of you. Thank you for your service.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I learn to be content and at peace?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend After being together for over 4 years. I truly believe I did the right thing, but omehow being single now has made me very needy and unsure of myself.
    I am seeing someone casually and I am losing my mind with anxiety about how he feels about me and this need for validation.
   How can I learn to be content and at peace with myself regardless of my career, relationship status, etc?

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
You are so self aware! That has to be refreshing just knowing that about yourself! It takes time to reset those new pathways to in your brain. You brain has to sense that the experiences you are having are enough to be okay. What are you looking for? When you can answer that question, it will also be helpful to calm that anxiety. If you are looking for commitment from this person, but you are seeing them casually, do they know and are they looking for commitment as well? What does being content and at peace with yourself mean? Have you dated yourself? There's a page that I point other single people to on instagram #dearfuturehim, check it out. This girl is all about what to do while you are waiting and single, she also talks about being content and the "business of the brain" when you're single. Lastly, I would talk to someone who can help you with the anxiety, especially if it's that strong. It's helpful to be able to get some help with how to be more relaxed. Hope this helps!
Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: I feel guilty about my fathers death
I spent my whole life taking care of my dad, but left because of his verbally abusive behavior. I was the only one that helped with his health issues. I feel if I hadn't left he might still be alive. I need help dealing with my grief and guilty conscience.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
I see such a sharp contrast between your question and your first sentence. Do you see it? "I feel guilty about my father's death", and "I spent my WHOLE LIFE taking care of my dad." Wow. After everyone else had left him to his misery, you hung in there. He is so lucky to have had you there. You didn't have to do that. I have a hunch that your dad blamed you for a lot of things. Abusive people do that a lot; they make you believe things are your fault when they're not. You did the opposite of what you fear you did. You didn't contribute to your dad's death; your selfless care gave him a longer life...better health. In the end, no one's love and care could save him. No one could fault you for deciding you had had enough at some point. I would never expect anyone to keep putting themselves in a hurting place over and over again. But this is what you did. You did it for him, and you did it so you wouldn't feel guilty. But you feel guilty anyway, right?...so putting yourself in that position was only worth it if you allow your loving acts to melt away the guilt. Can you tell yourself "It's okay that I had to take care of myself too."... "I gave up a lot for my dad; I have nothing to feel guilty about".Putting yourself last for your dad was a loving thing to do. And... my hope is that you can also find different ways to help yourself feel "good enough" in this world, and a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.  :)
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to cry during therapy?
I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Answer (from Sue BatesChange your dating & relationship patterns.):
Oh, crying in therapy is very normal! I have a stack of kleenex boxes in my office. Cry away, therapist are very used to it:) First time being in therapy is scary, but you'll soon know if you are a good match.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: What does it mean that I feel like different genders?
I was born a girl. I look like a boy. I sometimes feel like a different variation of gender. I don't know what to say if someone asks my gender. I just get really confused and usually say my birth gender.

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
I agree with Sherry, it is OK to give the answer that you feel most familiar with.  The most important part is not who people think you are, but that you know who you are.  Read about gender identity and fluidity.  Discovering the answer is a process, don't rush it to comply with others either way.  If you feel that this is a constant issue that keeps you awake and keeps you from enjoying your life, consider going to a therapist to discuss your feelings and concerns. ¿Qué significa que yo me sienta como diferentes géneros?Nací como niña. Me veo como niño.  A veces siento como una variación diferente de género.  No sé qué decirle a otros cuando pregunta que soy.  Me siento confuso y solo digo mi genero de nacimiento. Estoy de acuerdo con Sherry, está bien dar la respuesta que se sienta más cómoda.  La parte más importante no es quien las otras personas piensen que eres, sino quien tú piensas que eres.  Lee sobre el tema de identidad de género y fluidez de género.  Descubrir tu género puede ser un proceso, no lo apresures para complacer a otras personas.  Si sientes que este tema te esta quitando el sueno y te impide disfrutar tu vida, habla con tu consejero sobre tus sentimientos y preocupaciones.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Jessica ClineSpecialist in Divorce Recovery):
Thank you for sharing your history. You do not have too many issues to address in counseling. It will help to prioritize what you would like to work on first in therapy. Your therapist will create a treatment plan with you, which can always be changed while working together. Therapy is a process in working towards your best life, and you deserve it.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Keyonne Spencer, MS, LPCEnriching the lives of couples, individuals and families.):
Yes, it is very normal. Some people cry frequently, but not fully. They’re good at crying but never seem to heal from what’s hurting them.Crying is supposed to be good for you. Tears contain toxins, after all. And feel-good chemicals are released in the body whenever we cry tears of sadness.Never judge your feelings while you’re having them; there’s always a reason something’s a big deal to you.Cry for your own pain, not just for others’. Crying in movies and when listening to sad songs is a good way to let off some built-up emotion. But you may not be dealing directly with your own hurts when that happens. Remember it’s okay to cry for yourself. Let yourself cry over spilt milk. You don’t have to wait till somebody dies. You can cry about anything that triggers you, no matter how seemingly trivial.Don’t set a time limit on tears. Your heart will decide when enough is enough. If you connect with the true source of your pain, you’ll find it’s finite. But you don’t get to dictate a time limit for your sorrow. Be patient. Pick up where you left off. If you have to keep a stiff upper lip, perhaps because you’re at work, check in with yourself later and see how you feel. Reflect on the incident in private if you feel it’s unresolved. Don’t stress out if you can’t recapture the pain. Tears are like cats: You can’t lead them on a leash. Speak only kind words to yourself. When you cry, watch for self-critical and invalidating self-talk like this:It’s not that big a dealI’m too sensitiveBig boys/girls don’t cryInstead, say, “I’m sorry” and “I’m with you” and “I love you.” Don’t say these things in order to make yourself stop crying. Say them in order to be compassionate to yourself. Cry in public. If you’ve never cried in public before, you may be surprised to find that many people will be drawn to you. Your tears make you vulnerable, and therefore no threat to others. Kindness is a frequent response to public tears.If you remember just one thing from this post, let it be self-compassion.
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Reanna WaughWaugh's Holistic Wellness Center):
Topic: family-conflict

Question: I was duped into getting married to a therapist, but once her immigration status was secure, she bolted
How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions.
 Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I'm sorry to hear about being taken advantage of by your former wife.On the positive side, think of how much you learned by going through this very painful time.Maybe you are naturally very generous and caring, to the point of expecting very little from the other person, for example.Consider yourself in a favorable position to not feel like going out right now and meeting a new person.   Your spirit is guiding you to stay put and recuperate from this ordeal, review for any signs you may have been more trusting than merited by the person's behavior.There's a natural flow to what we're able to handle and when we have renewed capacity for new adventures.There's no reason to assume that you'll never trust another woman again.  The first step is re-building trust in yourself to step into a new relationship.   There is no designated time line.  You'll simply feel more ready than you feel now.Very unlikely that you'd ever place yourself in a similar situation to the one you're currently recovering from.Good luck!
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Gayle WeillSpecializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR):
I’m wondering if you are thinking that you’d be inconveniencing the therapist by bringing too many issues to the sessions? The reality is that it’s actually very common for a person to come to therapy with a whole host of issues. In fact, it’s encouraged to go to therapy if there is a lot of stuff to work through. You would not be inconveniencing the therapist at all and I would really like you to consider beginning therapy with a clinician that you feel comfortable with. Best of luck to you!
Topic: self-esteem

Question: Should I break up with my live-in girlfriend?
I'm a male in my 20s. My girlfriend is in her late 30s. She's great. She's funny and smart, she has a big heart, and we have an excellent sex life. She recently moved in with me partially because she wanted to and partially because she had no place to go. We fight a lot. It’s mostly my fault, I must admit. She doesn't like my insecurity and lack of trust I have for her. I have trust issues. Also, I can't fathom why a woman like her is with me, so I'm always dreading when a better dude will come along. I don't think she's happy. She's very submissive and she loves me very much, but also the fact that she has nowhere to go must be influencing her decision to stay. I love her so much, but my jealousy is not likely to diminish. I never believed in the whole "If you love them, let them go," but I do now. I really want her to be happy. Should I end it with her? She has no place to go so I feel like I can’t break up with her. I’m literally trapped.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Are you possibly mixing up an impulse to nurture and protect someone, such as by offering housing, and your own need to feel loved and appreciated as a romantic partner?Maybe your feeling of jealousy is really your awareness of a reasonable need to be loved by a partner.Even though you are quite detailed in your description of your partner, one piece which is missing, is whether you feel you are loved by her.Maybe too, what she considers your insecurity, is really her unwillgness to love you.It's always easier to put distance between two people by insulting them.I hope this gives you a few new ways to look at your situation.A few therapy sessions, either by yourself or together w your gf, would give you more chance to know more deeply what it is you are facing.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Heather BradleyHelping you heal from trauma and live meaningful lives):
Deciding to end a relationship is a big question that deserves your full care and attention.  One of the first questions you may ask of yourself and consider for your boyfriend is whether you are both willing to work on the relationship.  A relationship, no matter how great or hard, can't work unless both people are invested in working on it.  This means that both people are willing to take responsibility and work on their on stuff when things are hard rather than blaming the other.  If one of you is not willing or able to work at this then the relationship can't really grow or get better.  Perhaps spend some time really asking yourself if you this is the person you want to work on things with.  All relationships are hard and require care and attention and also ask us to really take responsibility for what we contribute.  This should be done in a relationship where you want to do this work for yourself and the other.  Also, if you are fully in and ready to do the work but your partner isn't.  If they say things like "this is just how I am" or "we have problems because of your issues" then you also may want to really slow down and consider if this will be workable.  You and your boyfriend need to be invested and committed to the relationship even when things are hard.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Abigail EckI'm so grateful you're here. Finding a therapist is scary, so I'd like to make this comfortable for you.):
I am so impressed to hear that despite all that you have endured, you're open to and asking about therapy! That. Is. Incredible.I don't believe there is a person who has "too many" struggles or is "too far gone" for therapy. Often, our numerous struggles are like the roots that grow from a plant bulb. They're are a lot, but they all lead back to the bulb. That is, we can have many symptoms and experiences that are often rooted from a few deep, primary issues that, once addressed, can resolve more than one symptom/experience like the image below illustrates.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?
My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
You are so not alone in that.  There's many, many people that struggle with feeling stuck with the combination of depressive and anxious symptoms.  You are right though--it is a miserable thing to go through.The most important thing I usually start with for clients (upon learning about their particular situation) is behavioral activation, which is just a fancy name for "doing stuff".  Walking is a good place to start because it's not hard on the body and you aren't going from bed to running a marathon.  It's a way to get those feel-good chemicals flowing and to also feel like you are doing something, whether or not there's any motivation there.  Other people go with tasks, such as cleaning or organizing.  Sometimes those more productive things can make us feel good about ourselves, and doing them over and over can build up into confidence that you do have agency in your life.  Another option is participating in things you think you'd do if depression and anxiety weren't taking over your life.  We tend to believe that we have to feel a certain way to do something exciting or meaningful, but the truth is that sometimes doing things comes first and the feelings we have about them follow.  This may take a while, and it may mean combining other techniques like thought-logging (journaling about when certain thought patterns are triggered) and even medication/counseling.  It all depends on the person.  Engaging in activity may help to lower some of that anxiety also because you're energy has somewhere to be channeled through besides your nervous system.  Doing things really has a power in and of itself that teaches us what we are capable of. It's hard not to let your feelings and thoughts con you into believing you are incapable or hopeless, but that's what it is: a con.  What you choose and what works best for you may also depend on the factors of your situation.  Have you been feeling this way for a long time?  Did it come on suddenly and take over within the time-frame of a couple weeks?  Or was there a situation that triggered it all?  Those things are helpful to know because long-term depression/anxiety require a different spin on techniques than something more short-term that may benefit from processing through a difficult event or learning coping skills to push through a depressive episode.  All types can benefit from processing and learning new skills, but predicting patterns and being proactive means knowing those details.Hope this was a bit helpful!
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I move on?
I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
You can’t drive life’s road without sometimes hitting bumps like regrets, disappointments, and tragedies. When you do, it’s easy to get stuck there, gazing back into your rearview mirror at the past. But God and Your Higher Power wants you to move on toward the future He has planned for you. It’s a future filled with hope – but to get there, you’ve got to turn your focus forward and look through the windshield at the road ahead. Here’s how you can let go of the past to move into the future: * Realize that you have a choice. Understand that you’re not a victim of your circumstances and that no one but yourself can tie you to the past; you can decide whether or not to move on. Ask God for the courage to choose to break free of whatever is chaining you to the past.🙏✨🙌
Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Patrick Santilli, LPCCTelehealth Therapist in Ohio):
What may seem silly to you could mean a lot to her. Adult issues seem much more complex and we would love to have the stressors of school at times but this may be the most stressful thing for her since she doesn't have the life experience as adults do. For many teens, their whole world revolves around school, their friends, and their family. It is a juggling act they are so very new at and the act of managing all of it can be overwhelming at times. They are still growing emotionally and learning emotions management on top of all of this. It is so important for teens to feel like their issues are legitimate and not invalidates by adults. I think possibly speaking to a therapist for coping skills/stress management techniques as well as having a source to process some of this stress would be more beneficial than speaking to a doctor if the motivation to speak to a doctor was for medication purposes.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: Why do I always get ignored by people?
Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me.    Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
You are not alone.  SocIal media marketing is and can be tricky.  Today to feel validated it is to receive a like , comment or follow.  When friends or family members are interacting on their pages but not yours it can be frustrating.  Law of Attraction might help.  Contact me or visit my profile to learn more.