thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How do I handle all of my stress?
I work two jobs and go to school for criminal justice. Over the summer, my father had a stroke. It was very devastating. My father isn't the same, and my family fights every day. I have been kicked out the house many times. I break down a lot.

Answer (from Myron Jones, Ph.D, LPC-S, LCDCCouples, Families, Youth, Substance abuse, and Grief and Loss):
You undoubtedly are carrying a huge weight on your shoulders. Stressors come in many forms and you are engulfed in a few of the major ones as it relates to dealing with the declining health of your father, family conflict, as well as trying to balance a work and school schedule. Stress, if left unchecked has many negative health related implications. First and foremost I would recommend going to see a counselor at your college/university. Most colleges have counseling centers for students that usually allow for 5-6 free counseling sessions (your tuition actually pay for these sessions so take advantage of them). Secondly I would advise you to take a minute and breathe. When confronted with overwhelming life issues it is common to busy ourselves in an attempt to distract ourselves from the drama, but sometimes that can compound our stress. When dealing with stress it is important that you engage in self care. In other words find time to engage in activities that bring you a sense of peace, enjoyment, and fulfillment in order that you may get a momentary release from your daily hectic life. Even with a normal life there is no way to escape stress, it is inevitable and a part of life, but how you deal with stress, as well as how you take care of yourself in the midst of these whirlwind events will determine your quality of life. I hope this helps...
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Leah ElvitskyHelping you thrive and not just survive.):
Absolutely it's normal to cry in therapy sessions. Sometimes clients have stories they never shared with anyone or never said out loud and that results to crying. Crying is a normal reaction to feeling hurt or sad or sometimes angry. I welcome all crying to my therapy room.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer (from Reggie Smith, LPC, CTP, CCATPTexas Couples, Anxiety, Trauma therapist):
One of the things to ponder on is a) how long has this been going on? b) what event/situation occurred during that time? c) what was the story you told yourself about the event?  As an anxiety specialist and sufferer, often anxiety comes from some painful past learning/experience.  Something that may have caused shame, guilt, embarrassment, etc.  Traumatic events (or at least situations that were traumatizing to you) may be of issue.  Anxiety is often caused by either thinking/living in the past or future, as well as comparison to others.  Keeping a thought record, having someone help you identify the core issue and unpack that and re-assign a new meaning to the event, situation and frankly yourself will be invaluable.  Always remember -- Doing the same thing gives you the same results, doing something different, can possibly give you different results.  Keep grindin' (in seeking to learn) and you will rise!
Topic: diagnosis

Question: How do therapists characterize personality types?
How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view.

Answer (from Emily PagonePsychotherapist at Naperville Counseling Center):
This is a great question, and I am happy to have the opportunity to explain my approach. When I am determining what type of personality a client has, I take my time and really absorb their lens/ point of view to themselves and others. Determining a personality type takes some time getting to know the person, and building rapport. After taking time to get to know them, and learning about their view they have of themselves and others, it is important to pick-up on more specific personality traits, which comprehensively contribute to a personality type. Clinicians, including myself, often witness certain traits that are enduring and consistent, which indicate a type of personality. For example, if a therapist is noticing that a client is exhibiting traits of organization, needing to be on time, planning, and perfectionism, these traits contribute to the "type A personality". In addition to utilizing clinical judgment, clinicians often use personality assessments and follow the guidelines of the DSM-5/ ICD-10.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I be less afraid of rape?
Why am I so afraid of it? I don't understand.

Answer (from Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com):
Why are you afraid of rape? Because it is a problem in the United States! The National Sexual Violence Resource Center reports that one in five women (0r 20%) will be raped (http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf) and that 80% of women know their assailant. Given these statistics, it is perfectly logical to be afraid. However, there are things you can do to reduce the risk of rape, such as being aware of your surroundings, and limiting the use of drugs or alcohol.The Enhanced Access, Knowledge, Act program for college-aged women has been shown to reduce the risk of rape by more than 50%. (http://www.blueprintsprograms.com/factsheet/eaaa-enhanced-assess-acknowledge-act-sexual-assault-resistance-education) You may want to see if a program like this is available in your area. Another great app for when you need to walk somewhere alone, is the Companion App (http://www.companionapp.io). Friends or family can track your progress from one point to another via the GPS in your phone.In addition, talking with a counselor about your fears would also be a good idea. Sometimes fears are rational and reasonable. Sometimes they are over-reactions and unreasonable. When then are over-reactions and unreasonable, they can have a negative impact on your life. In this case, a counselor could help you understand why your fears are unreasonable, and how you can stop them from negatively impacting your life.
Topic: intimacy

Question: I feel completely alone in my marriage
I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

Answer (from Earl LewisRelationship Expert):
Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following: 1.) Understand what his primary concern is2.) Understand what your primary concern is3.) What would you like to see different?4.) What would he like to see different? 5.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy
Topic: anger-management

Question: How can I deal with the anger problems I've gained from my soon-to-be husband?
I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage/anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does, but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to just stop. I have two young babies that have to hear this, and I don't want my girls growing up with a mommy like I have been lately. I just don't know how to get back to my old self.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
My gut says that your own rage is being triggered partly because you feel trapped or shutdown by your fiance's moody/angry/rage responses and powerless to stop it. You can start by accepting that this is who he is and you won't change him. You can only change your own behaviours, and I see you taking responsibility for those, which is great. You want to protect your girls, and that's appropriate; children are greatly affected by this type of home environment. I urge you to see a therapist so you can understand your own emotions and sort out the choices you have to make, knowing that your fiance has to make his own choices about his behaviours.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life
We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
How is he penalizing you?Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my girlfriend?
My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.

Answer (from Denisha ForchMarriage and Family Therapist in CA):
I would say talk to her about her depression. The best thing you can do is let her know that you are there for her as a support system. I would encourage her to talk more if it helps and encourage her to get move involved in doing activities she likes to do. Also, getting connected in a community of people is important to help with feeling depressed. Encourage her to speak with a therapist or counselor to address her depression as she has made a major change in her life by deciding to stop drinking. She may believe moving is the best to help with this. You can share with her that you want her to stay and express to her how you feel. Ultimately, you will have to respect her boundaries and the decision she chooses to make. She may want to move and this may be what she feels is best for her life. If she does choose to move that will be her decision. It sounds like she is trying to do what is going to make her happy. Maybe staying in the city she is currently in is causing her more feelings of sadness.
Topic: spirituality

Question: I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion
I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

Answer (from Valerie Kuykendall-RogersSpecializing in Reconciling, Restoring, and Renewing Relationships):
Hello, This is a really tough question and there are no easy answers to this, however, I can recommend that first of foremost, it is important that you learn to accept yourself. This is easier said than done, and I can acknowledge and validate that sentiment. All to well, I have worked with clients such as yourself who struggle to learn how to accept themselves in the face of what appears to be insurmountable obstacles. Nevertheless, it is POSSIBLE! It begins with finding a good counselor who can walk with you through this journey to self-acceptance. I cannot and neither can anyone guarantee that your family will change and accept you (although I have seen in my work with clients like yourself where the family has moved from intolerance to tolerance with the ultimate goal of acceptance), it does not mean that some change is possible. As stated earlier, I highly recommend that you talk with a counselor, psychologist, psychotherapist, etc. who specializes in this area.
Topic: trauma

Question: PTSD is impacting my whole life
I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago.    How can I get my life back?

Answer (from Catherine Cleveland):
This is a great question. PTSD can be very complex and debilitating. It must be very difficult for you at this time.When we feel complex emotions such as anger, frustration, and possibly low-self worth, the tendency is to try to avoid or suppress these emotions. The more you avoid them, the more these emotions will express themselves, and at the worst times. This may be why your PTSD symptoms are harming your relationships and your job status.To help you get your life back, it is important to process your emotions with a counselor that has specific training in trauma-informed interventions. To process emotions, you start by inviting them in, observe them with compassion and without judgment. When we observe our emotions, it starts the healing process because we separate ourselves from them. Remember, thoughts and emotions are constructed. You are not your thoughts, nor your emotions. They are messengers telling you to pay attention to them. The more we avoid the messengers, the louder they get, to the point that they are crippling you in more than one way.I hope this helps you begin your change process. For more information, please here is a link to a trauma post on my blog The Wisdom Room.Please reach out for help. And contact me with any questions.Sincerely~ Catherine ClevelandCleveland Emotional Health
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Michael GreeneTherapy That Focuses on Root Causes):
People who feel worthless were, in one way or another, were told that they are worthless. This is the lie that they are living with. The work of therapy is to help people see their true good selves. This gives them self esteem.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How do I find myself?
I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

Answer (from Betsy SansbyWhen something needs to change):
The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action..
Topic: depression

Question: How do I overcome my anxierty and depression?
I’m facing severe depression and anxiety and I just feel like I’m going through a lot. This really distracts me and I cant get my mind off the things that are bothering me.    How do I overcome this anxierty and depression?

Answer (from Dr. Melissa ValentinaHonor Yourself and Live Your Truth):
Have you used meditation or hypnosis? Relaxing the mind and connecting with your true self is a great way to calm your thoughts and get to peace and calm. Hypnosis and meditation have helped a lot of people with anxiety and depression. Google hypnotherapists near me or write for a while about what is going on.
Topic: parenting

Question: How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?
My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?

Answer (from Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here):
I am really glad you reached out. When parents get divorced, they still need to figure out how to have relationship so that they can parent their child. We might divorce our partners, however, we don't divorce our children. If anything our children need to know that we are still a stable force in their lives. Unfortunately, in some relationships children get used as a bargaining piece and I am hearing that may be happening in your relationship. You can move on from the relationship with your ex while still maintaining a relationship with your child. It is possible and it takes both parents to agree to do the right thing by their child. It is important for your children to have some consistency in his or her time with you. For example, if you and your ex don't have a parenting schedule it is something that you want to create so that you can not only decide for you when you will see your child, but your child can know when you will be available just for her. This will lay the foundation for consistency and allow your child to have some security in troubled times.I would highly recommend you sit down with your ex and discuss how you can both be a positive source in your child's life. How you can both be there to help raise her. If this is not a conversation that you can have on your own you might seek out help from the court. There are parenting experts and mediators who might be able to assist you.Remember, in any discussion keep the focus on what is best for your child and you will be moving in the right direction.Best of luck to you!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
It is never out of the ordinary to get emotional during a session.  Sometimes we will ask clients to talk about some pretty intense topics, and that can easily trigger the emotions wired with those topics.Even knowing that, it can be really tough to experience that level of vulnerability. If you are seeing a therapist currently, it could help to process how it feels to you to show raw emotion if that's something that concerns you.Either way, it is awesome that your body was able to let some stress out for you!
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I tell if my spouse had sex with a prostitute?
My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
Most of us trust our guts, or go to someone who can help us to piece the puzzle together, like a therapist. In this case, is that what's important? The knowing that he had it or knowing he had it and how he allowed himself to get into a situation like that? If he did, how do you feel about it? I'm curious. It sounds like you are too. Talk to someone to explore this situation. Hope that helps!
Topic: depression

Question: Is it possible to get PTSD from being very depressed?
I have manic depression and last summer was very very bad. I have recurring nightmares and I avoid anything that will give me a similar feeling as I did that summer.

Answer (from Mark Morris, LCSWTherapist and Author of Living Yes):
A PTSD diagnosis requires an event which occurred at least 6 months prior to the symptoms.   Depression is a common symptom of PTSD, but depression can come from many other sources as well.  In the end, diagnoses are systems of behavioral labels.  If you believe that one label (PTSD) is worse than another (Depression), you are creating a false hierarchy.   Consider consulting a CBT therapist, such as the fine clinicians listed in AcademyofCT.org.  You may also want to look at my book, Living Yes, for many ideas about challenging your thinking and improving you mood. www.LivingYes.org. I hope you feel better soon.  ~Mark  (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)
Topic: anxiety

Question: I want to feel more comfortable around people
My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people.
   How can I feel more comfortable around other people?

Answer (from Gayle WeillSpecializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR):
I have to start off by saying that I admire you so much for your devotion to your son and the fact that you stopped working to focus on and care for him. That cannot have been easy! Not to mention being in an abusive relationship where you are made to fear for your physical but also your emotional safety. You may or may not believe this- but it sounds like you’re a really strong person. And it also sounds like you want to feel better about yourself and be social with others, however you don’t know how to do that right now because like any normal person who has been harmed by someone and who has felt unsafe by someone you may not trust so easily, you are out of practice with being around others and having healthy relationships, and because of what you have been through you get anxiety from being social. The fact that you want to change that though is a huge positive. Was there ever a time when you didn’t feel nervous around others? Was there ever a time when you did feel comfortable around people? What goes through your mind when the idea of socializing comes up? These are some questions to explore in order to determine how you could feel more comfortable around people. In order to really answer your question I feel I need more information from you. In the meantime though, the first step is to recognize that you are not abnormal in your feelings, QUITE the opposite, and to not put pressure on yourself when you feel nervous around others. My suggestion is to seek therapy so that someone can make more specific recommendations by asking you some more questions, as more information is needed to really assist. Best of luck!