thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get people to listen?
I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.

Answer (from Earl LewisRelationship Expert):
First, thank you for sharing such deep personal information. It can be difficult to share such intimate information. To begin, it sounds likes your primary concern your desire to speak to someone who takes your mental health seriously. You've tried talking to your parents and your friends and neither have made that connection in the area you need. I'm sorry to hear that. it's unfortunate. However, I think a couple things can be done to try to address this. If you want support1) Parents- Sit down with one of them and tell them with all seriousness that you need to talk about something that is affecting you deeply. Perhaps speaking to both can be too much for one room. If you try to speak to mom or dad by themselves, it may create that intimate atmosphere needed to understand where you are coming from. 2) Friends: Like parents it can be difficult to speak to your friends about challenges with your mental health. When you're feeling down and anxious, friends can be great help or not their at all. With friends, it may be one of those things where you also need to create an intimate environment with one friend to speak to about your sadness and anxiety. If anything, speak to the fact you're hurt and help them understand that if they can't understand the depressionIf you don't want support Coping Strategies: Identify coping skills and strategy that help you when you're feeling down. Ideas:A.) JournalingB) PaintingC) ExerciseD) MusicE) Reading AffirmationF) Listening To Motivation Videos
Topic: depression

Question: How can I find myself again?
I just don't know what I want in life anymore. I'm can't figure out what it is that is keeping me distracted and unfocused. I can't put things into perspective at all. I'm just stuck, and I'm disappointed with my lack of accomplishments.

Answer (from Erica FaulhaberEating Disorder & Trauma Therapist):
Check this blog out:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-listHope you find a few nuggets of helpfulness in this.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How can I forgive myself?
Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
Realize that you are human, not perfect and will make the wrong decisions at times.   That is OK, we all have.  However, the best way is to say OK, I did it, learned from it, will not do that again.  EVER!!!  You can get pass it; grow from it.  Unfortunately, we forgive others faster than we do ourselves because we hold ourselves to higher standards or expected better behavior from ourselves.  It can be embarrassing, hurtful, almost unforgiving at times.  But how do you forgive yourself? Take a Deep Breathe..... and then acknowledge that you did something wrong, acknowledge it, and say to self,  "I forgive me".  Just like you would say to someone else.   This starts the process of forgiving. Also ask yourself these questions:   What lesson did I learn?  What would I have done differently?  What will be a trigger that will make me do that again, if I happened to be weak or tempted?  Avoid or prepare for those triggers....  Forgiving yourself will set you free from the prison you have put yourself in.  You would start back living.
Topic: anxiety

Question: What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?
I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

Answer (from Beverly PedrocheAccepting New Patients):
I encourage you to look at two things - what you can do (behaviors) to better manage anxiety and how can you change your thoughts (cognitions) that likely exacerbate anxiety. Behaviorally, it may benefit you to create more structure and improve your organization and time management skills. That might include the use of a planner, a consistent sleep wake-cycle, exercise and movement, and prioritizing activities of self-care. The second component take a little more self-reflection. What are some of your thoughts that are problematic? For example, catastrophic thinking is common amongst people who struggle with anxiety. Those thoughts might sounds something like, "This is the worst day ever." Now, perhaps it was the worst day ever, but more than likely it wasn't. More than likely, it was a difficult day or a stressful day. By correcting that thought from "worst day" to "a tough day" you bring the intensity of the anxiety down a notch. Making those kinds of corrections to your thinking throughout the day will help your anxiety feel less debilitating and more manageable.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: I'm in high school, and I want to be a psychologist
I just wanted to get to know one so I can hear about their college experience and the courses they took. I also wanted to know if they enjoy their job and how long they were in school.

Answer (from Samantha OsborneEncouraging and Compassionate):
Mental Health is an exciting and rewarding field.  I hear you saying that you want to be a psychologist, and that is one path to working in mental health.  You could study psychology, social work or counseling to become a practicing therapist. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate and a Licensed Clinical Addiction Specialist.  I currently provide assessments and supervise several counselors in a large clinic in Asheville.  I also have a private practice online. I studied Sociology and Interpersonal Communication as an undergraduate, and then I received a counseling masters degree.   My master's degree was comprised of several supervised practice courses and theory courses.    I really enjoyed my education, and I find my career equally rewarding and enjoyable. If you are considering working in the field, I recommend emailing several counselors, social workers, and psychologists in your area and setting up an informational interview.  Not everyone you contact will be willing to give you their time, but many may.   This will help you determine which path to therapy may be right for you.  Licensing restrictions and abilities vary state to state and a local practitioner may be able to provide you with a specific list of challenges/triumphs about their particular license and education.    Psychologists are usually PhD level practitioners and require more education to begin.  LCSWs , LPCs and LMFTS can practice with a master's degree.  Best of luck! This is an exciting time.
Topic: military-issues

Question: How can I see my base doctor without my ID?
I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I’m unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do?

Answer (from Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor):
You should be able to get a replacement ID card either from the Personnel Office on your local base (the actual name of this office will vary depending on which branch of the military it is). You may also be required to go to the Military Police or Security office on base to report the loss of your old ID card.
Topic: relationships

Question: My boyfriend is upset about my friendship with another guy
I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
   I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?

Answer (from Catherine HodgeLicensed Mental Health Counselor):
That is a difficult situation and there is no right or wrong. You both need to discuss it and come up with a solution that works for the both of you. You want to spend time with your friend but your boyfriend  may feel betrayed by you spending quality time with another man you have been intimate with. There may be a way for you both to get your needs met. Maybe you only spend short periods of time with your friend, not a whole weekend. Or you check in with your boyfriend  periodically when you see your friend. It really depends on the two of you. If it becomes too difficult, you may need a neutral party to help you establish appropriate boundaries around this issue. Good luck!
Topic: self-esteem

Question: I Sometimes I feel like I hate myself
I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident?

Answer (from Alexandra Geary-StockLive Confidently! ):
Self-doubt and self-hatred are such common and unpleasant experiences and really worth  understanding! Therapy with the right person can really help. When in your life do you feel the most confident? What gets in the way of you accepting and loving yourself (big question!). You can and will uncover that confident self!
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Kelly SteebReal Life Therapy):
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Did I make a mistake breaking up with a guy who said his ex-girlfriend will always be on his mind?
He was in love with someone years ago, and he still thinks about her time to time. He said, and I quote, "That relationship is definitely over. I love you, but that girl will always be in my mind." It just didn't feel like he appreciated all the things I've done to make him happy.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
It sounds like you were in a tough spot here.I'm not able to tell you whether or not you made a mistake because the decision is yours. I am wondering what led you to ask whether you made a mistake and whether you wish you were still in the relationship with this guy. If so, is it an option to talk about this with him?If you decide to get back together, consider having some conversations about what your concerns are and taking about five minutes or so to listen to this guy's thoughts, feelings, etc. Then see if you can repeat the essence of what he said to make sure you have it right. Then maybe you can ask some questions that you have and see if he is willing to listen. When each of you is in the role of asking questions, try to ask them as if you are an investigative reporter trying to learn more about each other's experience.If you are looking for information on coping with breaking up and you don't want to get back together or that's not an option, consider looking at how you define yourself and what is most important to you at this moment. I hear you saying you've done a lot of things to make him happy. I'm wondering what is making you happy. Hopefully you have friends or family that you can trust and talk to. Even if you don't talk about your relationship with all of them, I hope you have some people around whom you can be emotionally safe and comfortable.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why do I see and hear things that are not real?
I’m a teenager. I am almost always paranoid. Recently, I started to think they watch. I keep seeing in the corner of my eye someone moving. The other night, I heard breathing in my room, and my eyes focused on a black shape. I turned on the lights, but no one was there.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Sounds like anxiety and a strong imagination are getting the better of you.Do you sometimes have less confidence in yourself than you'd like to have?  Or doubt and question yourself in matters which in hindsight were easier to solve than you realized at first?These are two examples of anxiety blurring your vision of a situation.  Possibly imagining sights and sounds is also blurring an accurate assessment of what actually takes place in your room at night.Addressing anxiety is best done indirectly, not directly.Concentrate on knowing more of your reasons to question yourself so deeply in the first place.  Being a teenager certainly adds to overall anxiety.  And you may have good reason from your growing up personal history to have more than an average amount of self-doubt.If you felt humiliated, mocked, ignored, blamed, any type of interaction with meaningful people in your life while you were younger, then this probably set the groundwork to not have faith in yourself.Awareness of where you feel vulnerable is the first step to deliberately changing this into a strength!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does counseling help people?
Does counseling really do anything that can help people?

Answer (from Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting):
Hi there! Thank you for your question. It's a great question and one that many people want to know the answer to. The short answer is, YES! Counseling can be very helpful to people struggling with many different things. There has been a lot of research conducted to prove that counseling is an effective way to help people with mental health concerns, life stressors, and many other issues. In addition, there are many people who would tell you that counseling made a positive, profound impact on their lives. Indeed, some would tell you that counseling saved their lives. Now, not everyone would tell you that counseling helped. But when you think about it, there are many medical treatments for a variety of healthcare issues that also do not help everyone. So, is counseling guaranteed? No. But, it is something that is worth trying if someone is suffering or is just wanting some perspective or support. Also, there is many different types of counseling. Different counselors have different styles and have different training for various issues. This means that you are likely to find someone who has a good style and expertise in an area that you want to work on. If you don't know where to go, I suggest contacting your state's counseling association. They can help. I think the real question that most people have is, how? How does it help? That question is a bit more complicated, because there are many different models of counseling/therapy that work in different ways. What I can tell you is that, regardless of the model of counseling, the relationship between counselor and client is the most important factor. I don't mean that the relationship has to be ooowy goowy... but it does have to be one where there is trust and openness. A counselor will spend time to make sure that you are working together as a team toward a common goal. If you go to counseling and you don't feel this is the case, tell your counselor. An ethical counselor will welcome your feedback. I hope this is helpful, please ask more questions! I hope some colleagues add some other thoughts, too. Be well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC
Topic: depression

Question: How do I overcome my anxierty and depression?
I’m facing severe depression and anxiety and I just feel like I’m going through a lot. This really distracts me and I cant get my mind off the things that are bothering me.    How do I overcome this anxierty and depression?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
First, be patient because anxiety and depression are rooted in a person's outlook on who they are and how they handle situations and relationships.Changing these deep major structures in your life takes time to try new ways and see what develops, then fine tune accordingly.Most commonly, anxiety and depression relate to one's self definition.Reflect on your own opinion of yourself and whether you'd like making any adjustments to this.   Then figure out what stops or inhibits you from doing this.Try new ways of thinking and interacting with other people.  The changed impression you make on others will influence your own view of who you are.In America people take Pharma pills to not feel badly.If you prefer to make natural, long-lasting change then reflect, read, try therapy if it feels right to you.Eventually you will be better off this way than to take drugs to hide how you truly feel.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?
I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Answer (from Steve McCready):
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Marie O'Meara, LCSW):
It sounds like you are having some pretty severe depression. Depression can cause insomnia, and make a person focus on their own perceptions that they are "worthless". It is important to remember that other people may not truly perceive you as worthless. This is the depression talking.  I think that it is extremely important when you are this depressed, to sit down and write down some positives about yourself. What are your strengths? What are some positive things that your have done in your life? It concerns me that you are having suicidal thoughts. It sounds like now is the time to act on the idea of getting some help for yourself. If you feel like you might actually take your life, I would recommend that you go to a hospital emergency room, or a mental health crisis clinic right away to get some help. The most important thing right now is to keep yourself safe. If you are feeling like you are not going to hurt yourself despite your suicidal thoughts, I would recommend that you focus on finding a therapist as soon as possible. I don't know what your situation is in terms of insurance. The back of your insurance card should inform you how to obtain mental health services. There are also low cost services available with such places as Catholic Charities, and others. Your local county mental health agency should be able to refer you to some appropriate places. Good luck. Remember to identify your strengths, and the good things about yourself.  Marie
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I cope with a break up if we still live together?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
This would be very unsettling for most people.Once a relationship is finished, then starting a relationship of only roommates would require to constantly be watchful to keep the relationship businesslike and friendly and avoid acting on any romantic or partner feelings toward the other person.The best situation would be if one of you would relocate because avoiding so many feelings on a long term basis, creates a lot of tension.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My husband only has sex with me once a month or less
I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
Every area in a relationship, including intimacy,
experiences a decline after the initial honeymoon period.  Couples have to work to maintain the spark.  Find a moment to talk to your husband about
your concerns, and suggest ways to rekindle your sexual life, be open to listen
to his concerns and demands as well.  But
don’t forget that sex the fun part of being with someone, play, flirt, joke and
keep looking for ways to continue falling for each other.  Mi esposo solo tiene relaciones
conmigo una vez al mes o menos.  Me
siento rechazada y frustrada.  Esto no es
nuevo.  El primer mes que estuvimos
juntos, teníamos sexo casi todos los días. 
Luego se redujo a una vez por semana. 
Amo a mi esposo, pero esto me causa dificultad.Todas las áreas
de una relación, incluyendo la intimidad, sufren altas y bajas luego del
periodo de la luna de miel.  Las parejas tienen
que trabajar para mantener la chispa.  Encuentra
un momento para hablar con tu esposo sobre tu preocupación, y sugiere maneras
de reencender su vida sexual, está atenta a escuchar sus preocupaciones y
sugerencias al igual.  No olvides que el
sexo es una de las partes más divertidas de una relación, jueguen, coqueteen,
bromeen y continúen buscando maneras de enamorarse otra vez.
Topic: depression

Question: Is self-diagnosing okay?
I'm currently struggling with diagnosed depression, anxiety, and Misophonia. Also, I am 99% sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I read the DSM-IV, taken college psychology, etc. I know it in my heart I have them. Is self-diagnosing okay with the right research?

Answer (from Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting):
Hello, and thank you for your question. Self-diagnosing is something that we all do about one health issue or another. Taking a guess about what may or may not be happening to us is completely normal, however the actual clinical diagnoses of a mental health disorder requires a licensed mental health professional. Here are a few reasons for this: 1. Making a clinical diagnosis often requires other things besides matching up the symptoms of a disorder. To come to a diagnoses for any of the things you mentioned, a counselor would consult the DSM, but they may also use some type of screening tool, assessment or scale. Many disorders have similarities and it requires someone with training to tease out the differences in the symptoms. 2. Our judgement is sometimes off when it comes to assessing ourselves. We really can't be objective. Something as serious as determining a diagnosis really needs to be done by someone who has that objectivity. In addition, once you know your diagnosis, treating it usually requires help from a professional. 3. Sometimes the symptoms of a mental health disorder makes self-diagnoses impossible, in and of itself. For example, someone could be having hallucinations or delusions and not realize it. That would clearly make it impossible for them to diagnose themselves. There a many examples where something like this could happen with different mental health disorders. There are other reasons, but these are three important ones. Now, does this mean that you are wrong about your diagnosis? Maybe not. You may be correct. But, it is important to get this confirmed by a professional mental health clinician. If a disorder is then found, you can begin to talk about treatment. Hope this was helpful. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC
Topic: depression

Question: I'm very depressed?
I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?

Answer (from Laura SalinasCertified Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist):
If there is no one in your life with whom you feel comfortable, I would recommend identifying someone on this site, psychology today or goodtherapy.org who is in your area, then give that therapist a call to see if you would be a good match.