thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: anxiety

Question: What can I do if my parents refuse to acknowledge my anxiety and self-confidence issues?
My dad refuses to acknowledge my anxieties about going to parties, dinners, etc. Whenever I have an opinion it gets shut down. My mom and everyone else behaves likewise. For my father who heads a company, this is normal. He has to be right all the time. He blatantly refuses to even try to see it from my angle.    Recently however, it's been getting to the point where I feel pressured and unable to speak my mind. It isn't possible for me to get professional one-on-one help. He tells me to grow a pair and get over it. I recently have been developing more severe body image and self-confidence issues, which I have had all my life. I feel invalidated by my dad. I have been more paranoid lately as well. I can't turn on location services anymore on my phone because of a past incident. He makes me feel guilty about it. I feel rather worthless more often than not, unfortunately. What do I do?

Answer (from Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor):
I'm sorry to hear that you are unable to get through to your parents. It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of anxiety that needs to be addressed by a professional (despite the fact that you are unable to at the moment). I would recommend talking with another adult such as a school counselor that can offer you support in this area. Perhaps they can work with you on your anxiety issues and schedule a meeting with your parents so that he/she may help mediate the conversation with them.If you are unable to reach out to a school counselor maybe you can try a member of the family such as an aunt or an uncle that feels comfortable addressing the issue with your parents. Sometimes it helps hearing it from a third party before the situations is taken seriously enough.Good luck!
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my daughter with her severe depression and her obsessive form of thinking?
I am on my own with my daughter. I am so worried and stressed about her.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Your instinct to help your daughter, is natural.How you proceed depends a lot on whether she recognizes she has a psychological and emotional problem, or if only you see this from observing her.Also, her age matters a lot in what way would be most likely to succeed in addressing the problems you describe.If you and your daughter have different opinions as to whether or not she has problems, and she is above the legal age of when you have authority over her life, then you can only suggest to her that therapy may benefit her.If your daughter is in your legal control, then you can locate a counselor nearby, discuss your situation with that person, and depending on the outcome, you'd be within your parenting right to take your daughter to a counselor.Starting therapy without willingness to do so, is risky.  The person may feel resentful enough to not participate.   And, sometimes the counselor is skillful enough to find a path to your daughter, or any patient's self-interest and engage them in therapy.Family counseling, regardless of your daughter's age, is another way to bring your concerns to your daughter's attention, in a therapy environment in which a counselor would be able to help distinguish the seriousness of your daughter's psychological problem, from simply a difference in viewpoints between you and your daughter, in how to handle certain situations.Also, if you believe your daughter is a threat to herself, then instead of this slower route, get in touch with the emergency psychological assessment service in your town, for a more immediate response.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I help myself and change my behavior?
I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,    I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.    How can I help myself to change my behavior?

Answer (from Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LCMHCStep into your new life path.):
Hello. I have to wonder from a behavioral perspective if what you are doing is useful for you. In other words, does it serve a purpose in some way when you find yourself doing it. Yes, this could well be an expression of anxiety, or maybe some type of coping skill you have developed over the years to deal with stressful situations. Yet it sounds like you have developed a sort of knee-jerk behavioral conditioning that causes you to do this behavior during specific (or perhaps even non-specific) circumstances. Do you think it is a self-soothing behavior? Do you feel good after you have done it? The behavior itself is likely causing some form of slow physical damage, so I would recommend you have yourself checked by a doctor, to rule out any injury. If none exists, this obviously doesn't excuse the behavior, it just says that for the moment luck is on your side.When we do any behavior of any kind, it is good to ask if what we are doing has merit or value. Is the behavior helping us to solve our problem, or is it merely creating yet another problem by doing the behavior in the first place. In the same way that a person might drink excessively because they are stressed and need to cope with some unresolved issue, when they are done drinking the original problem will still likely be there, but now they are intoxicated. No closer to solving the issue. When we deal with things like anxiety or depression, we need to do things that work on dealing with the symptoms, but also get to the root issue that created those feelings and find effective solutions. So the things we do to cope with life events need to not be ones that cause us harm, but rather support us as we move forward and work to deal with what life throws at us.Sometimes seeking support from a friend or a counselor is a good idea. Being given the opportunity to express your feelings about what is going on around you and getting feedback and insight from others is much more effective than actions of self-harm, wouldn't you agree? So I would encourage you to find a counselor or a trusted friend who can help you find positive behaviors you can take to deal with your feelings, as you also work to find the answers to the day to day issues of living a life filled with promise and opportunity.Reach out if you need help...there will likely be a hand there waiting for you.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I get over the past in my relationship?
My boyfriend of five months expresses how much he cares for me and loves me, and I believe it. It has been one of the best relationships I have been in for a short period of time, but he has lied to me so much. He’ll tell me that he'll stop lying, and while he’s saying that, he's hiding something or lying about something. First, it was about a girl. He hid text messages and claimed she was a friend and it was a friendly conversation when it was a girl he once found interest in. Next was his ex-girlfriend. He put a fake contact name, and it was just friendly, but he lied to my face. All the time, he claims he never cheated and still expresses his love the same way and that he wants to change and do better.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
New York, New York...it's not your boyfriend's lying that concerns me the most; it's the lies you tell yourself. Verbal expressions are easy, but it's walking the walk that's more important in the end. When someone shows you what they're capable of, you can believe them. He's capable of being manipulative and deceitful, and he even lies as he's telling you he'll stop lying. What you're doing is called denial; when you see evidence of something but you choose not to believe the evidence. He might love you with his heart, but love, in the end, is a verb and is based on respectful, loving behaviours. My wish is that you start by believing in what you deserve.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How do I stop sneaking away from home at night?
I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?

Answer (from Shy PorterSpecialist in couples & individuals):
This is not totally unusual behavior, but the fact that you would like to stop and cannot seem to be able to points to something deeper. That cannot be unpacked online, but I'm glad that you're in this space and asking this question. Try to find a therapist who seems like a good fit and begin to get to work on this issue and what all is going on for you. You're not alone!
Topic: trauma

Question: How can I avoid having past traumatic experiences affect my present and future?
I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi New York, There's no way to keep your past from affecting your present and future, because it's a huge part of who we are. The GOOD news is, though, that the effect doesn't have to be negative. I'm met many people who have horrific pasts and it helps them know confidently, every day, what kind of person they want to be and what kind of world they want to live in, and it helps them make really great decisions. You can accept your past, integrate your traumas and move forward in a very different way. If you see negative ways in which your past affects you (and this is also common), you are wise to seek professional help. Without knowing more, it's impossible to give you a lot of direction here. Basically, our past creates emotional "bruises" that are touch on and triggered by present situations. But our reactions are often about more than just the present moment. I think you know that.I wish you the best as you sort it out.
Topic: depression

Question: I'm a mess physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
I'm in my late 50s. I never loved or have been loved. I need deeper help than is offered in my small town, but I cannot leave this town because of agoraphobia. I find myself losing hope more and more. My brain barely works anymore, and my memory so small, I forget in a moment. I serve no purpose. I'm incapable of work or anything of value, and I never have been. I’m a complete waste of time and resources, and yet I keep trying. Why? Why does God insist that I continue to exist? I’m not suicidal, just tired.

Answer (from Nicole StoneAnxiety, relationship crisis, and the separation/divorce experience.):
The fact that you're reaching out says that there is something in you that wants this to be different, and that drive might be something worth tapping into. "Why do I keep trying?" is a question that might give you some insight into what it is in you that keeps you going. A lot of therapists/counselors are now offering video therapy. As long as you're in the same state as a therapist offering this service, you could connect with someone helpful from the comfort of your home, even being in your small town. I'd recommend looking into this option, because you're asking a lot of really deep questions and might benefit from having those conversations with someone who can help you find your own answers.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How does counseling end?
How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
There are typically three reasons why therapy is terminated:1) Client has met therapy goals2) Client is not progressing 3) Therapist is not a good fit for clientIn order to properly assess whether therapy is helping and what progress is being made, the therapist needs to have ways of consistently checking in with clients sessions-by-session to determine what is helping, what isn't, and where the client is at in relation to their original therapy goals. When a client has met their goals, that is a good time to end counselling sessions unless the client has new goals or simply wants to check-in periodically to make sure that they are still on track (sometimes referred to as relapse prevention). When a client is not progressing, and feedback has been taken and attempts have been made to make the therapy more helpful for the client but to no avail, than it is considered unethical to continue to work with the client. In these circumstances, referring out to another therapist who may be a better fit is a good idea.
Topic: trauma

Question: My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?
There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
   I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
   Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
   How can I get my life back?

Answer (from Jason PolkI help couples get along better!):
There is a modality developed by Pia Mellody called "Post induction therapy" (PIT). The work has been continued by Jan Bergstrom who wrote the book: "Gifts From A Challenging Childhood. The premise of the work is that you can "reparent" those wounded parts of you. A quote from Jan's book is, "If it's hysterical, it's historical." I've done this sort of work myself and its been hugely beneficial for my relationship. The idea is when "triggered" by my partner, I'm going to request space and affirm, validate and even love that younger part of myself that's hurting and remind them that I (as the functional adult I am) can handle my partner.  Basically, I'm practicing getting in a more centered space and thus, I'm able to be more relational. This is a practice, but the idea is to provide some separation from the trigger and an automatic reaction. You can do it, especially if you love him and he's worth it.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: How do I approach my doctor about seeing a therapist?
I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone.

Answer (from Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor):
Having this kind of conversation with a doctor can feel difficult. But remember, you are the expert on you. Any good medical professional will recognize that.You are absolutely right to think about the importance of being your own health care advocate. Generally, the best approach is simply to be honest. Let your doctor know what you are concerned about and tell your doctor what you think might help. If there is a specific issue that you’d like to address in counseling, let you doctor know about it. And don’t hesitate to directly ask for a referral.I know this may all feel a little overwhelming. It might help to bring a family member or significant-other with you to provide support when you talk to your doctor. It’s great that you’ve already taken this first step to reach out. You’re on the right track.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why do I find pleasure in thinking about killing?
I am a peaceful person, but I often find myself having thoughts about killing people. Eventhough I like the thoughts at the time, they make me cry. Why do I feel like this?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
Let me point a couple things out to you.  These thoughts obviously go against your core values, otherwise they wouldn't upset you!  Having thoughts about killing people bugs you, and that's a GOOD sign.  You are also concerned enough to reach out on this chat forum.  That tells me you have put some time into worrying about these thoughts and what they mean.There's absolutely nothing wrong with a thought.  We all have extreme thoughts in life because our brains are built to wander.  Unless you are acting on these thoughts, they are not dangerous.  It's important to note that having a thought doesn't mean you are that thought.  It's pretty easy to assume that our thoughts are who we are, but that couldn't be less true.  If we were our thoughts, we'd be so many different things at once it'd be unimaginable!Something I wonder is if these thoughts feel intrusive to you.  Even if you enjoy them, do they seem to show up without invitation?  When a thought is intrusive in nature, it can often make someone feel as if it is uncontrollable and holds more weight than less intrusive thoughts.  It is also interesting that you mention finding pleasure in thinking about killing in the sense that it's definitely giving you some psychological relief in the moment.  From that, I have two thoughts: 1) could it mean you are trying to cope with something socially upsetting to you via these types of thoughts? and 2) I'm wondering if there is any repressed anger in your life.  You mention being a peaceful person.  Are you usually the peacemaker in your social world?  Do you feel as if people take advantage of you or that you don't have a voice?  Those situations can breed anger and resentment. If you don't allow yourself to feel or express anger, the brain will find a way to do it for you and it's not weird or strange that it would want to send out thoughts that clearly get your attention!Another thing you could try is tracking when the thoughts come up.  Keeping a log can help shed light on what may be triggering them and what their purpose may seem to be.Wishing you all the best!
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: How can I cope with work related stress better?
I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.
   What can I do to manage my stress?

Answer (from Samantha OsborneEncouraging and Compassionate):
Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job.  1. Have a ritual to begin the day:  Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better. 3.  Have a ritual to end the day:  If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist.  Take a walk. Light a candle.  Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available after hours, set boundaries where you can.  Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that.  Have phone free meals.    Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family.  5. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs.  Move as much as you can.  Get outside in natural sunlight.  These are just ideas/ suggestions.  Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction.  Best of luck!
Topic: marriage

Question: What makes a good marriage?
What makes a healthy marriage last?

Answer (from Kevin MimmsBuilding Better Connections):
In my mind, a healthy marriage has two participants, meaning both people participate equally in the intimate connection of marriage. An unequal participation comes in many forms, such as one person checking out of conversations when it becomes emotional, or speaking over and for each other in these conversations. Couple’s should strive for engagement and support, but doing it in a way that works for each person individually. I hope this helps.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I convince my mother I have anxiety and panic attacks?
I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I don't know how old you are, but in Pennsylvania, if you are over 14, you can have therapy without your parents' consent. If you are young enough to use their insurance, that could be complicated, but depending on the state, there may be ways to work around that as well. If transportation is a problem, call a local mental health agency and see if they can connect you with assistance.In the meantime, try searching for a phone helpline in the county where you live. They may be able to help you figure out where you can get help.Another idea is that if you are in school, your guidance counselor may be able to provide links to where you can go for help. He or she may also be able to give you more specific ideas to help with your panic attacks.I know you said your mom refuses to offer help, which included seeing a doctor, but I wonder if she trusts the doctors that is your primary care physician (also called a family doctor) who you see when you have a minor medical ailment that may need medication. That doctor may be able to help you as well.Some of the information here may be helpful to you because it explains some of what anxiety is and there are some quizzes there that may give you information to discuss with a doctor or therapist when you get connected with one. http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-anxiety-disorders This may give you other information to speak with your mom about. Remember that I'm not asking you to actually diagnose yourself with one of these things, but just offering some basic information that may help you be able to talk about what is going on.If you are having a panic attack or having a moment of anxiety, try focusing on different things in the room around you. It may help to shift your focus briefly outside of what you are feeling and that may lessen the feeling a bit. Also remember that sometimes anxiety leads to more anxiety about having a panic attack in the future. Remember that they usually and after a few minutes.It would also be helpful for you to keep track of what leads up to your anxiety.Best wishes to you and keep trying until you get connected to someone.
Topic: parenting

Question: I feel stuck in life. What can I do?
I am in my 30s with 2 kids and no job and I'm behind on the bills. I've been trying everything with no results. I feel like everyone else puts their needs in front on mine. I give intil it hurts and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail my babies    I've been struggling for 5 yrs in a relationship with no communication and no alone time. How can I get some support?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Financial stability is probably a good place to start your new life project.If your partner doesn't work or doesn't contribute his money to the household bills, then maybe you are eligible  for some type of stipend from the government.Especially since you have kids the child welfare service may intervene to help you.  Sometimes too, a partner who is unwilling to pay for their kids' wellbeing may be pressured by child welfare to make regular contributions to you and your kids.I''m glad you are thinking of your needs and those of your kids.  This is the philosophy which will show you what road to follow so all three of you are in a secure financial place.