thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Tracey PoirrierPolaris Counseling & Consulting Services PLLC ):
The most direct answer is no. I would venture to guess that several of the things you are feeling (symptoms) are connected. I would recommend a trauma counselor. You have several strengths (resources) that you are able to pull from and I would encourage you to focus on them as you deal with the issues you have placed on the back burner for so long. Sometimes people are afraid to address things because they feel or believe that they won’t be able to handle it. Compare it to a tornado. The storm has passed, but you are still in hiding for fear of the aftermath (the mess left behind). A good therapist is like a personal organizer to help you.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to cry during therapy?
I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Answer (from Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com):
Please do not worry about crying. People cry, laugh, rage, rant, and talk during counseling sessions. Part of the therapy process is to look at your feelings, and to feel what you are actually feeling (instead of what you think you should feel). So if you need to cry, that's ok. If you feel embarrassed because you cried, or if you feel anxious that you might cry, well those feelings are ok as well. Your counselor can help you manage your feelings so that you can attain your goals, and your counseling session is the perfect place for that.
Topic: addiction

Question: Is there a lawsuit for counselors and therapists who failed to report a relapse?
I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
 Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report?

Answer (from 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy ):
I am so sorry for your loss.  Generally therapists only have a duty to report self harm to ones self or others if it is expressed to them.  Often times they will not report relapses due to the fact that proper releases were not signed or patient has specifically asked them not to for fear of shaming or failure again.  I understand this may not be the answer you were hoping for.  I would encourage the family to seek therapy themselves for help coping with such a loss.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I handle my fiancée always telling me how bad of a job I'm doing in making them happy?
My fiancée is always letting me know how I am a horrible/evil person, or I just don’t care enough when it’s about her feeling or when she is having an off day.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
One thing you could try is to have a conversation when neither of you is upset so that you learn what makes each of you feel cared for and valued. It could be that you are showing caring in a way that doesn't quite match what she is really looking for in that moment. For example, having an in-depth conversation could be something that you want, but she may just want a hug in that moment. I don't know if you heard of Gary Chapman's book about love languages, but it may be helpful.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I learn to not shut down and say what's wrong with me?
When I get talked to by my dad or stepmom, or if I'm in trouble, I will begin to cry and not say what's wrong with me. When my dad or stepmom ask what is wrong, I never know the answers or the words to put together what is actually wrong with me.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Maybe you need more time to reflect and organize your thoughts.Try to figure out what would make you feel more relaxed about talking to your dad or stepmom.Also its possible you simply don't feel safe around either of them and so intuitively realize you're better off not talking with them about a delicate matter.Depending on whether you trust talking to dad and stepmom, you may simply wish to excuse yourself from speaking about yourself.There's no good reason to be heartfelt with people whom you don't feel are willing to accept or understand who you are.
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: Is it appropriate to give my counselor a bottle of wine for Christmas?
I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi, Different therapists are guided by the ethical guidelines of their own associations or colleges when it comes to receiving gifts, so this may differ a bit from therapist to therapist. It's important to me that I be sensitive to cultural norms, and to my client's needs. In Canada, and the US, it is customary for people to sometimes express gratitude with a small gift, and I have from time to time received small tokens of appreciation because I believe it would be rude to refuse this. It is never necessary to give a therapist a gift, but if you wish to express your gratitude in this way, I don't think it's inappropriate.
Topic: anxiety

Question: What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?
I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.

Answer (from Dr. Dinelly HolderLicensed Clinical Psychotherapist):
Which one gives you the most anxiety? List from top to bottom which one gives you the greatest anxiety and ask the question how come? From there, we can figure out the underlying factors of your anxiety.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I control my anxiety?
I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed.

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good self-care routine.  Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.  These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that affects your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts.  Once basic self-care is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy.  If you have difficulty initiating self-care routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process.  You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication options if it’s too challenging to begin basic self-care.¿Cómo puedo controlar mi ansiedad?Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal.  Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte.  Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar.  También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: I don't know how to deal with my boyfriend's father
We rent from from my boyfriend's parents. His father drops by unannounced and stays for long periods of time. He lets himself into our home when we aren't there on a daily basis and takes our dogs to his house. He picks up our mail. He has NO boundaries.    He's an opinionated, rude pushy person. He expects to spend every weekend around us, gives unsolicited advice on child rearing and does not respect our privacy at all. He barges in with no warning. He has a key and lets himself into our house without asking permission. I need help. How do I address this?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
“He has NO boundaries.” That says it all! Enforce strict boundaries, set them, and abide by them.  Do not bend. What does your boyfriend say about his father’s intrusiveness? This video on Boundaries Could be helpful.  Also is there a chance you can move to have more privacy and peace?  Boundaries
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
I know feeling worthless is very hard to handle.  You are valid!  Has anyone who you value and respect, said you are worthless? Working thru how you can begin to feel worthy within yourself. To self-generate within yourself how valuable you are, and invest less time in what others think of you. No one gets to decide the sum total of your worth other than you.  Practicing self-love and compassion, grace towards yourself, and feeling confident within yourself could be a crucial step towards feeling more worthwhile. List something you are good at and have been complimented on. Also this video  Self-Esteem & Worthiness Affirmations - Remember Your Worth and Value could be beneficial.    Perhaps engaging in some thought/pattern interruption, where you Interrupt the thought, focus, redirect elsewhere, somewhere more positive, thinking on times, events, activities where you felt worthy and capable.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I end it?
How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?

Answer (from Tina WallisHelping people get "unstuck"):
The decision to end a relationship is often very difficult. It is important that you are aware of your personal "deal breakers". Some common deal breakers are abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, sexual, or emotional) or substance abuse; however, anything that is detrimental to your well being can be considered a deal breaker. I know of a young woman who broke up with her boyfriend because he decided to adopt a pet cat and she is highly allergic. For her, having a cat was a deal breaker !Healthy relationships enhance personal growth, and  we enhance our spiritual and emotional wellbeing by collaborating with our partner to work through problems and overcome challenges. My guess is that you would not be questioning whether or not to end your relationship if things were going smoothly. Are you both equally invested in finding a resolution to whatever is troubling you?An excellent book on relationship ambivalence is "Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. By the last chapter you will have the answers that you seek.
Topic: relationships

Question: How can I be less dependent on my boyfriend?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I've been really sad lately and for the past few months I've realized I'm just way too dependent on him. It makes me really upset to be so dependent on someone else, but I can't help it. I don't even know who I am without him.
   How can I be less dependent on my him?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
First sending you 💕  This would be the clingy or needy action yes.  I would suggest talk therapy finding someone to share these feeling with a professional.  One that has spiritual counseling background like myself so we can work on self care and self love.  Til then here are some tips:  !- Breathe-  You may find yourself not allowing yourself this.2- Take a break- It is healthy to pursue other things so that you are not so needy3- Connect- Practice Mindfulness not Mind Full.  5- Beauty Journaling-  I have this awesome beauty self care journal you can get on amazon.  It will help you to start.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt?
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer (from Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT):
I'm thankful to read your husband found care and that his suicide attempt wasn't successful.   While he was hospitalized, and prior to his release, your husband would've been provided in writing a self-care action plan. This typically includes things like committing to a contract 'not to harm' and what to do if he felt overwhelmed by his anger, depression, and hopelessness (e.g. call 911, call therapist, go to nearest hospital emergency department). Additionally, his protocol would've provided instructions for his taking medication(s) as directed, having a follow-up appointment(s) with his psychiatrist/psychologist/clinical social worker, and participating in some form of small group support.  If your husband's struggling as you describe, and you are feeling overwhelmed or frightened for his (your) safety, I'd encourage you to seek immediate assistance.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Rachelle MillerMental health therapist, parent educator, life coach):
It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed. But you are also a survivor and have the benefit of a long, stable marriage. You do not have too many issues to address in counseling. A good therapist will help you to partialize your goals into smaller objectives and focus in on what's most pressing for you to address first in treatment.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How is it that I fear going to sleep?
I just about fall asleep then I can't help but sit up and walk around.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
This is very common!  Sleep is when we are most vulnerable and it requires our bodies to let go of control and lose awareness of a lot of our environment.  Has anything bad ever happened to you at night or when you were sleeping? This could be something to consider.  Your body may be feeling a need to protect you by not letting you relax and instead keeping you awake and aware to anything around you.Could you be worrying about what is happening the following day?  It's also normal to have pressures of the next day rolling through our minds before our bodies commit to sleep.  If you pay attention to what you are thinking about before bed, that could tell you a lot about what you worry about in your life.Not everyone is into meditation or mindfulness, but these methods can help send the message to your brain that you are safe.  There are some pretty neat apps like Calm and Headspace, or mindfulness videos on youtube that have a variety of tools to fit what you may need.  It may take a while for these to really start to show results, so keep at it if you have the chance.Journaling can also be a great way to release some of the stress from the day and silence the mind a bit.  Consulting with a doctor may also be a plus if your sleep continues to be impacted.  Not having proper sleep can lead to more anxiety and reduce the body's capabilities to regulate emotion, leading to worsened sleep.  Sometimes having a buffer there can help get your sleep on a better track while you work on the anxiety.  Hope you find some of this helpful!
Topic: parenting

Question: Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment?
My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment.

Answer (from Candice LawhornOnline & Text Therapy):
Absolutely not! It is never in a child's best interest to use humiliation as punishment. This can lead to issues in the relationship between parent and child as well as the child's social relationships. Kids have a hard enough time. To then go and cause them embarrassment is unconscionable. The entire job of a parent is to prepare their child to become a successful, healthy adult. You do this by using healthy ways to teach a child when they make a mistake. Discipline shouldn't be seen as punishment. It should be seen as a way to teach a lesson. What lesson could this possibility be teaching him? Absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, she is most likely damaging her relationship with him and causing great distress in his school day and peer interactions. She should be one of the people he can come to when he's hurting; not someone who causes him pain.
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content
I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
From what you write, it sounds like you're reaching quite far into your child's father's way to handle his friendships.There's a difference between an agreement between you and the child's father to not view porn, and with you monitoring and setting standards for your child's father's way to handle his social life.Try to accept the limits of your request extends to you and the child's father, not the way the child's father wants to handle his relationships with other people.Also, pushing too hard or setting your expectations of the child's father too wide for him to tolerate may end up backfiring on you.Who knows, maybe he'll decide "enough is enough" and withdraw from the otherwise reasonable agreement to not watch porn.
Topic: children-adolescents

Question: The child I nanny hates me!
I nanny a three year old. When he wakes up in the morning he calls out for someone to come get him. If I am the one to go get him out of bed he gets really upset and refuses to let me near him. He screams that he wants his mom or dad (they work from home).    The rest of the day he loves me. But not in the mornings.
   What can I do?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
It is very likely the child is upset by the fact that the parents have left, more than that he hates you in particular.The fact that by afternoon he is happy with you shows more likelihood that he reacts to the parents departure more than who you are.
Topic: intimacy

Question: I feel completely alone in my marriage
I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

Answer (from Laurel FayMarriage and Relationship Expert):
I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: Should I move on from my ex-husband?
My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the “in love” part of a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new?

Answer (from Gina GuddatCommit to Living Life Fully):
It's not uncommon for relationships to go cold over time. It is a matter of one or the other becoming complacent. If you and your husband have been together for quite some time it's likely that you are very comfortable and familiar with each other. While this is a good thing in some ways, it can also become boring and you run the risk of losing that "in love" feeling he is referring to. Couples simply become ambivalent. For some of the couples I work with in my practice, I find that helping to organize a time apart, which I call a "Therapeutic Separation" can do wonders for the relationship. I offer homework to be done during this time. Reading, worksheets and individual counseling helps people learn more about themselves and what they desire out of their relationship. It often times brings more appreciation for their partners. When the pair comes back together, we are able to push the reset button and begin a new chapter that is more fulfilling and exciting than before.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer (from Darlene ViggianoLet Your Inner Light Shine!):
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How can I move forward from my boyfriend leaving me with no explanation?

Answer (from Gina GuddatCommit to Living Life Fully):
Yes! You can move on from a relationship that ends abruptly with no explanation. One way you can do this is by creating your own narrative around what happened. Chances are, you were not fully getting what you wanted out of the relationship either. He just happened to be the one that called it quits first. Start by sitting down with a journal and summarizing the time line of the relationship. Include both the good and bad, the ups and downs. When you get to the finale of your  story, you create the ending.  Do not frame yourself as the victim. Think about what was most likely going on in his head. Usually there are clues that we might not see clearly until after the fact. Write about what you learned from the relationship and the positive growth you experienced. Be thankful that you were released from continuing any further with someone who was not meant to be your long-term partner but express gratefulness for the season and all you learned.