thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: trauma

Question: How can I have a normal sex life with my significant other when I keep having triggers from past sexual abuse?
I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me.

Answer (from Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant):
Have you sought the support of a therapist really qualified in working through sexual trauma? It can take some work, but healing is possible. If you feel able to, it may also help to open a dialogue with your boyfriend about what you need from him when you have these flashbacks. Let him know what some helpful responses may be.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: What can I do about my roommate's drinking problem?
My roommate has had a drinking problem for a while. She goes out, gets trashed, and then expects everyone to take care of her. The next morning, she apologizes constantly until she feels validated. She also thinks everyone hates her all the time. If I don't seem anything other than happy, she asks me "Do you hate me? You hate me. Tell me you love me," and I feel like I have to pity her because she has also been suicidal before.

Answer (from Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com):
It does sound like your roommate may have a drinking problem, and the short answer is that you can't do anything about it, only she can. We can't change what other people say, think, or do. We can only change our reactions. It does sound like your roommate may be having a hard time. You can suggest that she enter counseling or therapy. You can reassure her that you like her (if that's true), but you don't have to pity her.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How can I avoid family members who stress me out?
My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.

Answer (from Dawn M. Reilly, Psy.D.It's never too late):
These are common challenges that involve setting healthy boundaries with family, as well as friends and co-workers.  Therapy can help you to define, establish and enforce boundaries between self and others by being assertive.  This involves determining what things make you uncomfortable and how to communicate that with assertive, not passive, not aggressive, actions and language.
Topic: parenting

Question: My husband is harsh towards our son and threatened me
Tonight, my husband seemed to put our son down through an incorrect approach. His approach was perfectly wrong. I found myself defending my son. I told him that what he did was not the way to encourage our son.
 Instead of watching my husband’s harsh behavior I decided to sit beside my son and, together, we worked on his science assignment in order to encourage him to study. My husband got upset and he was swearing at me. He threatened me. I knew that he was not joking. His words scared me a lot!

Answer (from Analyce Zapata-BarnesI'm here to help!):
I have had these many cases, but in situations like this.... If it does get out of hand, the police do need to be involved. Sit down and talk to your husband when he is calm and collective.
Topic: parenting

Question: How can I help my toddler with toilet training when he gags every time he sees his poop?
My toddler is having a real hard time with toilet training. He almost throws up every time he sees his poop. He gags and will not go on the toilet. We have tried a toilet chair and ring that goes on the big-boy toilet, but he refuses to use it. When he sits on the toilet, he just sits there forever and only will pee. He holds the poop in until he get up and then will poop in his diaper. I dump his diaper in the toilet and let him know that it is where it goes to try to encourage him. How can I help him get over this fear and passed the stress?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Your son is showing signs that he's just not ready to be toilet trained. You don't say how old he is, so I'm not sure whether the problem is deeper, but right his fears may reflect that right now he is simply be not ready to take that step. Pushing him at this point could worsen the problem, so I suggest pulling back the expectations, waiting a month or two, looking for more signs of readiness and trying again. In general, teaching children to use the toilet works best when "mistakes" are handled calmly and when parents pay close attention to cues that the child is responding positively.
Topic: parenting

Question: Does my daughter have a mental disability?
My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

Answer (from Amy Higgs OTR/L, CLT, CAPSMobile Occupational Therapist: sensory bus for children with ASD, SPD, ADD/ADHD and trauma):
Contact your daughter’s school and ask for an occupational therapy evaluation. An occupational therapist can determine if your daughter struggles with eye-hand coordination, visual processing or sensory motor difficulties. The therapist will develop a plan of care if your daughter demonstrates delays or difficulties in learning. OTontheGo.org mobile therapy that comes to you! Accepting most insurance.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: Some adult family members are acting erratically in my house
I am having a problem with extended family members who are inappropriately urinating in my home. They are peeing in cat litter boxes, bottles, and directly on floors and in corners of my house.
 Is there any literature that supports why such adults would behave this way? This is not a joke. I am trying to understand.

Answer (from ABLE Counseling Services, LLCI know and I live recovery.):
Hi, This sounds like a very challenging and upsetting problem - good for you for reaching out! My first thought is, these two adults may have a sleep disorder that could be contributing to the urination in inappropriate places. Since they are adults, and you can't force them to seek treatment,  you might be able to suggest that there could be an underlying medical issue and advise they speak with a medical provider. . As far as what to do for yourself - set some firm boundaries. Be clear about the expectations of your home. Also include the positive and negative consequences should they decide to address or avoid this issue. I hope this helps you, your family members, and the pets!
Topic: professional-ethics

Question: What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
There may be differences in Sate laws, and differences based on the particular license of the therapist, on this question so try googling your question for your State.Generally, the therapist should have given you whatever the standard practice is for your State, notice in advance.  And, the therapist was expected to tell you and write you their care plan for the child patient.Are you the parent who is legally responsible for this child?If not, then the therapist may have already communicated properly with whoever is the legal parent responsible for the child. Also, insurance corporations who have contracts with particular therapists, have their own timeline standards of expecting therapists to give proper notice in advance of leaving a practice.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again?
I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Answer (from Sobha VakhariyaOakland County Psychotherapist):
I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you?  I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now.  Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it?  Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST.  I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem.  Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How do I know if I'm transgender?

Answer (from Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting):
Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want to say that I am a cisgender therapist, and so I cannot speak to the personal experience of realizing that I am transgender. What I can do is tell you some of the things that transgender people have told me, and information that I have read. Perhaps a transgender therapist will also have the opportunity to answer your question. From the experiences that I have read and heard, the realization process went from either "knowing" right away to looking more like a journey. I have personal friends who are  currently working through how to identify their gender, and they are well into adulthood. One person explained that the term 'transgender' didn't feel right for them in terms of how they felt, and believed that perhaps they are genderfluid. This means that there is no rush to figure it out, and many different ways to identify. There are therapists trained in the Affirmative Therapy model who may be good, supportive helpers that can assist you as you continue to look for answers. Ultimately, I think the answer comes from within you. But, that doesn't mean that you can't get help to figure it all out. Here is a blog written by a trans male that I know. Sam is a popular writer and discusses transgender issues, life issues, and mental health. You are very likely to find some good information in his posts. https://letsqueerthingsup.com/Be well... be you.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Topic: family-conflict

Question: My parents are threatening to get rid of the only things I still care about
The last of my emotions belong to my pets. Today my dad said he might get rid of them tomorrow. If that does happen I might dig hole in the ground with a paper that says "here lays my emotions. R.I.P." I practically have no emotions left and I came to the realization about this not being normal by comparing my reaction to certain situations to my family's. What's wrong with me?

Answer (from Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist):
It sounds to me like you have had a lot going on and now you are afraid you are going to lose the last things you care about, your pets. I do not know what all is going on in your family, and I cannot answer for your dad’s actions or his reasoning behind this.I would recommend that you focus on developing healthy coping skills. We cannot change what others do but we can change how what they do affects us. If you have all of your emotions and all of yourself tied up into one thing (like your pets) then when that thing is taken away it causes a lot of emotional distress. It is really good to have a wide variety of interests such as friends, hobbies, games, etc. Develop other things that you care about and are passionate about.Another reason for developing healthy coping skills to deal with whatever might be going on in your life is if you don’t have healthy ones, you may develop some very unhealthy ones. You have to cope somehow, right? Developing unhealthy ways of coping with life is only going to make life more difficult for you.I don’t know if this is what it is like for you at your house, but there are two kinds of household environments that can cause dysfunction in children. One is when you grow up in a very rigid stern household where all decisions are made for you and you feel like you have no control over anything. The other is a household where things were chaotic and you never knew what was going to happen next and had no stability. People need to have some stability in their lives and need to feel in control over some things in order to feel safe. Both of these environments can lead you to develop some unhealthy ways of coping with life. Please talk to a trusted adult about your feelings before it gets any worse.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Elizabeth GentzkowStop letting anxiety, stress, and frustration run your life.):
It is generally very normal to cry in therapy, and for many reasons. Therapy should be a safe space to explore emotions as they come up and how you cope with these emotions. I would encourage you to talk with your therapist about crying and to explore your experience of emotions/feelings. Sometimes people will apologize for crying. However, emotions and expression of emotions is part of being human. There is no "right" or "wrong" emotion to have. How we express and cope with emotions is more of something to explore in therapy if it is hindering your life. Either extreme of keeping emotions in and avoiding or feeling like your emotions run your life/struggle to regulate your emotions is something to explore in therapy, as this is often the most distressing and troublesome for people. Hopefully this provides some insight.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel burned out
I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've been upset for no reason and feeling anxious. I'm feeling burnt out. What can help me feel better?

Answer (from Melissa GillMetanoia Counseling LLC):
I would first say that those are difficult thoughts and feelings that sound exhausting. I can't image how this must feel, but I can assure you that you are not alone. These are common experiences in our society where we are made to feel as though we must "go go go". Especially in the current world situation, even simple things can feel overwhelming. I believe that starting with "baby steps" such as taking even 10-20 minutes for yourself daily to be in the quiet and reflect can be helpful. Recognizing that even small self-care steps such as drinking more water, eating healthier foods, or taking a hot bath can be helpful to relieve stress.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Ryan HollimanYou deserve more, let me help you get the life you deserve!):
I think there are two major things that are necessary for a therapist to be helpful.  The first is that you must feel comfortable with them.  If you feel like the counselor was interested in your life and was caring during the first session, that's a good sign.  If not, then run!  Trust your gut on this one.  The second important thing is that you have to trust your counselor.  Your counselor can be kind, but if they just sit there and nod, without providing you anything, its probably isn't a good fit.  Just like when you go to a medical doctor, you're putting your care in their hands, so you need to feel like there is expertise.If you not getting those things, I would encourage you to voice your needs (though I know that can be hard).  If you counselor listens to that feedback, it's generally a good sign, and if they don't it may be a sign that this isn't a good fit.  The important thing is, that you have to find a good fit.  Just like any other relationship, not everyone is going to be a perfect match together.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I be less anxious around new people?
I have developed bad social anxiety within the last year, and I just can't stand to be around people. I recently got a new girlfriend, and she is extremely close to her large family and wants me to be around them all of the time. My last visit with them, I was quiet and uncomfortable, and she got mad.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Congrats on the new gf!If you need a period of social withdrawal, then this is not necessarily a quality to fight with yourself against.If your girlfriend isn't empathetic and willing to tolerate a basic part of your personality, then set a standard for yourself of being respected.As long as you're willing to be around her family for her sake, then you're doing all you can do to please the girlfriend.The question is whether or not she is doing all she can to satisfy you, her boyfriend, to make you happy.Try explaining that you have needs too and ask her to consider your wish to be mostly quiet around her family.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Jennifer Jenkins-BoitnottEMDRIA Approved Consultant & Certified EMDR Therapist):
Finding the right therapist means finding one that feels like a good fit for your needs in therapy and your personality style. The therapeutic relationship is the most important factor in therapy being successful or beneficial. When you have found a good fit, that means -  you feel comfortable with the therapist, feel you have a connection with the therapist as a person, think that they will be someone you are able to open up to, feel that they may be someone you can trust to help you through therapy, and that has experience in the clinical areas that you are seeking treatment for.
Topic: anxiety

Question: What do I do when I have anxiety attacks?
I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes.

Answer (from Julissa SparksHealing Minds for Wholeness):
The are two ways that such anxiety can be dealt with. One is an attempt to replace maladaptive thinking by examining the distorted thinking and resetting the fight-or-flight response with more reasonable, accurate ones. As an example "I'm scared of spiders." But if you change the thinking from being scared to "I'm bigger than the spider," it allows the mind to reach a calmer state of mind. Mindfulness-based therapy can also help  focus on the bodily sensations that arise when you feel anxious. Instead of avoiding or withdrawing from these feelings, remain present and fully experience the symptoms of anxiety. Instead of avoiding distressing thoughts, open up to them in an effort to realize and acknowledge that they are not literally true.Although it may seem counter-intuitive, fully realizing the experience of anxiety enables the release of over identification with negative thoughts. You can practice responding to disruptive thoughts, and letting these thoughts go.By remaining present in the body, you'll learn that the anxiety being experienced is merely a reaction to perceived threats. By positively responding to threatening events instead of being reactive you can overcome an erroneous fight-or-flight response.
Topic: trauma

Question: I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship
I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

Answer (from Janeanna GalliBringing light to life's dark places):
It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How do I get my dad to understand that I don't want him to date or marry my best friend?
I have known her for years. She was dating my brother-in-law when we met. My kids think of her as their aunt. On Halloween 2014, I lost my mom to cancer. My mom and dad were still married when she passed away. My friend was there for me through that and my own cancer diagnosis. She has been a very big part of both me and my kids’ life, but now last month, my dad told me that he really likes my friend and wants to marry her. She’s like a sister to me. My kids hate the idea.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Lincoln,It can be very difficult for children who have lost a parent to then see their other parent moving forward with anyone, so I understand how this change is even more upsetting to you. And...your father and your friend have clearly established a friendship and fallen in love. Did you see this coming? I hope they didn't hide it from you. If they did, maybe this is the issue? It would be a legitimate one.But in the end, your father, and your friend, are adults who are free to fall in love with whomever they wish and hopefully they can count on the support of people who trust and love them. Could there be blessings here you haven't seen yet? It seems you love this person who is like a sister; could it be a good thing that her place in your life is more permanent?Ask yourself these questions... "What is the worst part of this?" "What do I fear losing?" "What do I fear at all?" "What is the evidence that this will happen?" The answers might surprise you. Your children will follow your lead. If you are supportive of their grandfather, they will follow suit. Hopefully you can grieve the change, know that your mother would likely want both of them to be happy, and embrace the blessings that come with having this woman close to you in a new way. I wish you the best.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I get my husband back?
My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me.    He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Answer (from Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.):
There is always hope. So don't give up on hope.However, you knew I would say that, there is a lot work ahead of you.You need to see someone to talk things out.Get some space between you and your husband. Don't chase and please don't stalk him.Do some deep searching as to why he left and what part you had to cause the split.You can't change him but you are in control of your own change.With the help of a professional counselor you can get help and direction where you need to change.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: What is a psychopath's thought process?
I realized my boyfriend of seven years is a psychopath, and I want to understand how he thinks.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Good question!I have only a guess to it.Psychopaths feel no empathy and all the emotions which are based on caring about someone else.This means they feel no guilt, no joy, no drive to connect w others.It’d be unusual if your bf is really a psychopath bc if he was then he’d be using and abusing you, trying to control you for his benefit.Unless you actually do suffer in these ways then to consider him a psychopath may be exaggerated.