thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: anxiety

Question: I'm worried that there's something wrong with the guy I love
I met a guy a while ago, and I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I love him, but I don't think I know him. What if he is not who I think he is? I cry sometimes thinking someone is going to be with him or that he has a girlfriend. I don't know, am I too obsessive? Every time we talk though, it's like magic. He makes me feel amazing, but what if I'm mistaken?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Keller, it sounds like you're living this relationship in your mind, instead of in the real world. You can get answers to your questions by talking to him...getting to know him will answer all the curiosities you have. You're asking the questions in your head instead of being in the friendship. So what is it that gets in the way of actually asking the questions and getting to know him? Fear of rejection? Fear of something else? If you have fear that keeps you from having fulfilling friendships, I recommend a therapist to help you work through that. I wish you well. :)
Topic: spirituality

Question: How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?
My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Your patience with his pace of accepting your past, is the factor most in your control in this situation.Everyone accepts a new understanding at their own particular rate.  Yours may be faster than his pace.Since it is possible he may accelerate his pace of accepting your past if he knows that this is a priority for you, tell him about your own discomfort .Even if knowing how you feel does not motivate him to a quicker pace of accepting your past, you will have the peace of mind to know you gave him all the information you possibly had to give.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why do I hate sex?
I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don’t like it because all of my friends enjoy it.

Answer (from Pamela GriggsLicensed Professional Counselor):
Although I am not entirely sure why you might be struggling in this area, an initial question I have is do you want to be sexually active at this time or is this something that you feel pressured into doing.?  If you feel pressured into being sexually active by your friends or boyfriend it is understandable that you want it to be over.  I would encourage you to ask your boyfriend to be patient with you at this time  until you figure out what is going on.  I encourage you to then think very deeply about what your reservations, if any,  about being sexually active.  Do you fear pregnancy?  Are there problems in the relationship?  Are you afraid of the emotional intimacy? Another question that comes to mind is whether or not you have any history of sexual activity that you did not consent to that might be getting in the way.   When these types of traumatic events occur,  people can essentially become triggered negatively by anything that reminds them of past trauma.  Such events can cause an aversion to sex even if there is now a loving relationship whom one wants to be sexually active with.  If this is the case I strongly recommend individual therapy to begin working through some of these issues. A final area that you might explore would be whether or not you are experiencing pain with penetration.  If so, I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with a gynecologist to rule out any type of medical issues that might be causing these problems.  Although pain can also be associated with emotional issues, it is always good to rule out possible physical causes.  I hope that these ideas help to point you in the right direction.  Take care.
Topic: depression

Question: How do I overcome my anxierty and depression?
I’m facing severe depression and anxiety and I just feel like I’m going through a lot. This really distracts me and I cant get my mind off the things that are bothering me.    How do I overcome this anxierty and depression?

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
I have been where you are. I did a bunch of stuff that kept me busy and it seemed like it was working, and it was. I finally went and did Brainspotting with a therapist and LENS (Low Energy Neurofeedback System) and those were the two things that were the cherry on top. Now I feel like I see my depression, but I handle it differently. Same with my anxiety, it's there but it's not there as much as it was. Brainspotting is a phenomenal therapy where it gets to the deep limbic system ad it helps your brain to create new paths of responding. LENS is all about the brain and brainwaves and how your body responds to various frequencies. Traditional bio/neurofeedback is helpful, but it takes some time before you will feel differently, but LENS can cut that time in half or even a quarter. Combining both treatments, along with your effort and a therapist that you connect with will help you to overcome anxiety and depression to where you are controlling it and not the other way around. Hope this helps!
Topic: anxiety

Question: I feel really uncomfortable around other people
When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?

Answer (from David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples):
The thing I picked up immediately in what you're asking is how you don't like other people because "they make me nervous and scared." If someone said that to me in a therapy session, I'd want to understand this much more with them, and what this "nervous and scared" experience is all about: perhaps starting with the question, "what's the earliest memory you have of feeling uncomfortable around people." The idea would be to try to understand all of what it means for you to be around people, and the history of the experience, without labeling it wrong or passing judgment on it.From there what might come is that certain people, and their character traits, might be harder to be around for you because of experiences that you've had with similar situations in your life. Or, it could certainly be something completely different. It would be most important to understand it much more deeply considering the amount of distress it causes you, and in doing so we could begin to see it as "normal for me."
Topic: intimacy

Question: I am afraid of sex
I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
The greatest sex experience will be with someone who you feel connected to outside the bed.  This is something that you should feel comfortable in talking with your partner about.  The relationship needs to be strong before moving to the bed anyways. If the love is there, he will understand your fears and make you feel comfortable making it a great experience.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: How do I repair my friendship?
My best friend and I were pranking her friend, and I told her to tell him that she likes him. She said no, but I forced her. After she told him, he told her that he likes her too. Their friendship is ruined because of me. She won't forgive me, and I feel really guilty. I feel like crying.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
This takes time. I don't know how long it has been, but perhaps if your friend is willing to discuss other things with you for a little while, you could discuss this at some point in the future.Hopefully the true intentions will become apparent (in the idea that it was a prank).Also, I encourage you to look at how this is affecting you and how you feel about yourself as well. If it was meant to be a joke and it did not work, that is not entirely your fault.I wonder how you could forgive yourself for what happened?Are you able to seek what you meant to do compared to what actually happened?Do you notice that not everything that has happened here is in your control?Do you recognize that even though you would like things to be better, if your friend is not ready or willing, you are trying to do your part to make it right?Maybe everyone who is/was involved in this can talk together all at the same time to set straight what is truth and what was misunderstood.I wonder if you can think of your own positive attributes (for example: honesty, compassion, trustworthiness, friendship, good listener, caring) and look at what truly exists within you rather than just one your friend is able to see right now.This can be really difficult for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that it involves more than just you, so it's important to focus on the idea that you can ask these other people who were involved to discuss it, but that is ultimately up to them.Best wishes for looking at the positive parts of yourself and your friendships.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt?
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer (from Beth Bickel):
Before I answer your question I want to cover some basics given that attempted suicide is very  serious. I don't mean to scare you but I do want to be realistic with you. If a person attempts suicide once it is more likely they will try again. Men also succeed more often than women because they typically use a means that is more fatal. Here are some signs you can watch for:Threatening to hurt or kill himself, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill himself; and or,Looking for ways to kill himself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means; and/or,Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, when these actions are out of the ordinary. Some other signs are:Increased substance (alcohol or drug) useNo reason for living; no sense of purpose in lifeAnxiety, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all of the timeFeeling trapped – like there’s no way outHopelessnessWithdrawal from friends, family and societyRage, uncontrolled anger, seeking revengeActing reckless or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinkingDramatic mood changesGiving away prized possessions or seeking long-term care for petsNow, in terms of ways you can help: 1. Ask if your husband is okay or if he is having thoughts of suicide2. Express your concern about what you are observing in his behavior3. Listen attentively and non-judgmentally4. Reflect what he shares and let him know that his is heard5. Tell him he is not alone6. Discuss treatments available that can help7. Guide them to additional professional help: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).A mental health professionalA hospital emergency departmentIf you are interested, I have more information on my website under "Resources/Information" and "Suicide". www.bbcounseling.net I wish you both the best!
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer (from Christy FoggMarriage, Family, Individual, Premarital, and Teen Counseling):
I would suggest some holistic approaches, such as getting your Vitamin D and iron levels checked. Make sure you are eating well, exercising, and getting outside when you can. Take a trip to someplace warm if possible. Use a sun lamp in the morning for 30 minutes to simulate sunlight. Seek professional health to gain coping skills and other ways to manage symptoms.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder
I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Congratulations on your courage to ask this question!This shows you are willing to engage with other people, just not in all situations, especially the in person ones.Start by "meeting" yourself.Reflect as thoroughly as possible as to what you imagine will be the outcome of meeting others or of speaking up during a class.Some people are afraid of being criticized or judged by other people, or do this to themselves inwardly.  If you are judging or criticizing yourself to be less worthy of having opinions or views or of being who you are, than others, then the thought of actually placing yourself in this situation, would feel intolerable.One way to move out from this position of feeling less than others, is to recognize that these feelings are inside of you.Then it is possible to know at least on an intellectual level that it is not true that any one person is superior to another.All the people whom you are afraid to meet, also have their own insecurities.We are all equal in worth and in having blindspots about ourselves.Also, it is possible that you are naturally shy and may be expecting more from yourself than is reasonable, in terms of a standard about meeting others.You may have a few fears of being judged unfairly, you may also simply not enjoy being around people very much.Be aware to not push yourself beyond your natural limits.  Overcoming fears of being judged is different than forcing yourself to do what is against your basic nature.
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: I have had a compulsive swallowing tic for the past 9 months—how can I get rid of it?

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I don't have experience with this type of tic, but I can still give you a few general thoughts.I would first suggest meeting with your primary care physician. They would probably be able to refer you to a specialist to see whether there is a physical cause. Sometimes there is some sort of chemical imbalance and extra communication in nerves and muscles that can be treated with medication.I'm not sure about your use of the word compulsive and what exactly you meant by it, but it led me to wonder whether you feel better after you swallow and how often it happens.It would also be helpful to see if you can recall any events or changes leading up to the time when this started for you as well as anything that makes it better or worse.I don't know whether you are saying that it ties to anxiety or whether it is just something that happens and feels like it is out of your control.Here is some basic information about certain types of tic disorders and under the resources section at the top, there is a link to a list of specialists: http://www.movementdisorders.org/MDS/About/Movement-Disorder-Overviews/Tics--Tourette-Syndrome.htmAlso, having awareness of trying not to do something can make it more difficult not to do it. For example, if I ask you not to think of pink elephants from the next five minutes, that will probably be something you think about a lot in that time frame. Working with a physician (and possibly a therapist, depending on their recommendations) about this may be helpful to you.
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Dawn M. Reilly, Psy.D.It's never too late):
There are never "too many issues" to be addressed in therapy.  Most people come in with multiple issues they want to address.  The wonderful thing about therapy, is that often, as one or more significant issues begin to change and improve-   the lead naturally without much effort to improvements in the other areas.  (For example, as you begin to address trauma and betrayal from you past, you may find that the insomnia improves). Your therapist, with you input and direction, can help you to prioritize which problem areas to target first.
Topic: workplace-relationships

Question: I'm attracted to my boss
I've been suppressing it for quite some time, but there are days when I can't make eye contact with her. I think she knows, and we both admitted there was some type of vibe, but the overall discussion was vague. I think she could possibly be dating someone that works with us. It's driving me crazy. As an act of expression, I have purchased a gift for her that's personalized. I haven't given it to her yet.

Answer (from Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com):
Human attractions can be tricky things, and in this case - a power dynamic. In the workplace, a boss usually has the power to hire, fire, set schedules, approve vacations, and evaluate performance. Because of this power dynamic, most employee handbooks expressly forbid supervisors and their direct employees being in a romantic relationship. Perhaps you should check your employee handbook.  It is possible that if you or your supervisor act on your feelings, one of you might have to be reassigned, or if no reassignment is available, asked to resign. While you may be attracted to your boss, and your feelings may be strong, it might be in your best interests to resist acting upon them.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Ian Palombo#ThoughtMediator & #LifeUntangler):
There are a number of online directories that can help a person get started with counseling. You can use them to search therapists in your area, by areas of specialization, and insurance. Here is a list of some of the most popular ones: www.psychologytoday.comwww.TherapyDen.comwww.onlinecounseling.comYou can also do a google search for "therapist near me" or "counselor near me." Lastly, all major insurance companies have directories online of all the therapists they contract with.
Topic: domestic-violence

Question: I'm just not happy with my marriage
He is verbally abusive. When he gets mad, he just yells at me. At times, I feel scared.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Good for you on recognizing your own feelings.  Often in an abusive relationship, the person who is being abused, starts doubting themselves and starts tolerating, then accepting abuse.Marriage is based in love and feeling taken care of by the partner.  Feeling scared is the opposite of this.If you feel ready, tell him the way you feel and pay attention to how willing your husband is to being aware that he yells and that you feel scared.If he has no idea of what you're talking about, doesn't want to understand what you feel, then slowly take steps to understand within yourself whether or not tolerating your husband's behavior is acceptable to live with on an everyday basis.
Topic: military-issues

Question: How can I see my base doctor without my ID?
I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I’m unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do?

Answer (from Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor):
Do you have any other form of identification? The first place to stop would be the Visitor’s Center or whichever department issues passes. They are located outside of the gate so you do not need a military ID to enter. If you have another form of identification it’s possible that they can give you a pass in order to go and obtain a new military ID. If you do not, you could always ask someone else to sponsor you on (a friend, coworker, etc.) that have military access. Depending on the threat level, they may not need your ID as long as you are with someone that has access. Keep in mind that currently (6/11/15) all military bases are on Bravo which unfortunately means you will need your own ID.Finally, if all else fails, call your doctor and explain your situation. I’m sure they would be more than willing to discuss your options.Also, it’s important to make sure that you report your wallet being stolen if you haven’t already. Security Forces on base can help you with this and to ensure your ID doesn’t get into the wrong hands. Good luck!
Topic: relationships

Question: My fiancé is trying to hide that he's texting his ex-girlfriend
My fiancé doesn't think I trust him because I was cheated on before. However, he hides his phone and has been texting his ex-girlfriend, who he has two kids with. What should I do?

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Oh Chino, I only have half the picture here so I will be cautious. There's a chicken and an egg, and I don't know which came first. One thing I see clearly is that your fiance will always have to have communications with his ex, because they have children. Can you accept that? When suspicion and insecurity come along, your job is to look at the big picture and the real picture. Is there any real evidence that he is cheating? Remember that texting his ex is not evidence alone if the communications are about the kids. Has he earned your trust? If so, then it's not fair to punish him for the betrayals of others. He's not your ex. Reassure your heart that you are his priority if the larger evidence supports that. At the same time, you can let him know what your triggers are. For example, hiding his phone doesn't send you a good message, right? See, this is the chicken and the egg...is he hiding the phone because you've been overreacting when he gets a text?  So let him know you won't blow up about him getting a text if he doesn't conceal or password his phone. Transparency helps build trust. You have sensitivities, and it helps you a lot if he's aware of them and willing to try not to do things that trigger fear. Let him know when you get scared, and hopefully he'll give you the openness and security you need in order to trust him and act as if you trust him.  :)