thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get my husband to listen to my needs and talk to me?
I tried telling my husband I was depressed, and he ignored me. He said "you're always sad or depressed." And he picked up his phone and ignored me. I said, "Please don't exaggerate, that isn't true." And he said, "Whatever babe. You just want to be sad."
   How can I get through to him so he will take me seriously?

Answer (from Erin Pritchard, MA, LPCC-S | EMDR IntensivesSea Glass Counseling and Consultation):
I'm sorry to hear that's how he's responding, that doesn't sound very helpful or validating of your emotions or respectful of your boundary to to communicate differently with you about your feelings and mental health.  Ask if he's willing to read a book on communication with you (Gottman's "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" is excellent!), or attend couples' therapy together so that you can work on building your emotional connection and have healthier communication. It's also possible that he's not willing to change his mind. Regardless of where he stands, you can always take steps yourself towards bettering your mental health and wellbeing - going to therapy, discussing medication with your doctor or psychiatrist (also have them do bloodwork to check your thyroid functioning, hormone levels, and complete metabolic panel to check for any vitamin deficiencies), moving your body in ways that feel good, spend time with friends doing something enjoyable or meaningful.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

Answer (from Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here):
Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I best fight the winter blues?
Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?

Answer (from Dawn M. Reilly, Psy.D.It's never too late):
First of all, it is excellent that you are self aware and able to identify the pattern to your moods. Many people suffer from the winter blues, which is called Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Some people notice that during the Fall and Winter months, they tend to struggle with signs and symptoms of depression such as sadness or hopelessness, lethargy, sleeping to much or too little, changes in appetite, loss of interest in usual interests, and possibly suicidal thoughts.  It would be best to consult with a therapist experienced in this disorder, as they will be able to guide you towards possible solutions such as changing negative thought patterns, light therapy, exercise, nutritional support, and possibly medication.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: My friends accusing me of having problems
They're calling me names like hypocrite and a baby even when they act in the same manner as I do. I'm tired of being called names. What should I do?

Answer (from Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor):
It sounds like your confused as to why your friends would be calling you a hypocrite when they act in the same manner, correct? Communication is key to any relationship. I would recommend speaking with your friends face-to-face to address why they feel your behavior is concerning. In-person contact is the best method of sorting out differences considering texts, emails or any written response can be misconstrued. Be upfront with them and let them know that being accused of hypocrisy is hurtful and you feel it is unfounded. If after speaking with them you feel that they have valid reasons for the way they are feeling, maybe you can consider modifying your behavior accordingly. Especially if this friendship is valuable to you. However, make sure they are aware that there is a respectful way to address these issues and name calling is not one of them. On the other hand, if you feel that their reasons are indeed unfounded, it may be best to distance yourself from the relationship. Not all friendships are healthy ones. And it is important that you surround yourself with people who are an asset to your self esteem as opposed to those that hinder it.I hope you are able to get this matter sorted. Best of luck!
Topic: depression

Question: I had a baby about 2 months ago and I really haven't been feeling myself
I am always down and out. Could this be postpartum depression?

Answer (from Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant):
Probably.  I always tell the new parents I work with (and this is just as true for dads as it is for moms) that if you are feeling off, seek help.  Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net) is a great place to start finding resources and locating support.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I determine if I should be a boy or girl?
I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl.

Answer (from Lisa ShouldicePsychotherapist MA, RP, CCP):
Gender is personal thing.  There is not just boy and girl.  It is ok to be a boy and feel feminine and date women.  It is also ok to be a transgendered women and date women.  Have fun with it and feel it out.  What is right for you?
Topic: anxiety

Question: Why is it so hard for me to talk publicly?
I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety?

Answer (from Genevieve RideoutChristian Counseling for Women ages 20-95):
you can learn lots of skills/techniques to feel more confident in what you need to do that will decrease your anxious response for sure! :) And  you can also learn how to work with your personality that may not like the attention. You may find that "talking" to others through the internet is more comfortable and you are great at it, or that you love one on one talking but aren't really made for group talking. There is a place in this world for you either way! Public speaking skills can be practiced in speech class, or toastmaster group, they will give you practice in a safe environment where the cool kids or cutest boy aren't ready to laugh at you.  What topics are you interested in and what groups can you do a little speaking up? Maybe in your small group at church try and raise you hand to share your opinion, or maybe your Girl Scout troop? Look around for a peer and one adult who you like to hear speak out, ask them to share with you 2 things that help them feel comfortable speaking in public. Check out some Ted Talks and see how they share in groups. Social anxiety is a difficult concern and picking apart what is your awesome personality and what needs skill building and mindfulness/anxiety  help are important steps. Good luck!
Topic: depression

Question: How can someone like me be happy?
I have been diagnosed with ADHD and experienced manic depression episodes. I have problems with anger management. Apparently, I also have an ODD, bipolar and split personality. How can I be truly happy?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
The ADHD and manic depressive episodes are terms other people told you that you have.You don't have to accept these words to describe who you are.A lot of mental health in our country is about telling people what's wrong with them and giving pills for these so called conditions, instead of helping a person know more about themselves in order to make good decisions.You can be happy because nothing from the outside, such as the names people have used to tell you who you are, can interfere with your own wish to be happy.Others can slow you down because of the self-doubt and hurt feelings.  No one can take happiness from you, only they can make it harder to find and hold onto.Anger management only works temporarily because it is a surface approach.Think of the reason you are angry.  This will be better to know so you will be able to address it.Then you will not have anger to manage.
Topic: marriage

Question: How do I move on from my husband's cheating?
My husband cheated on me and it hurt me very bad. It was a time when my health was poor. I'm have a hard time moving on.

Answer (from Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor):
How has your husband acted since then? Was he regretful? How did you find out? Did he confess? These are all things that you want to consider. Betrayal is very hard to get over so if it's taking you awhile to get over, know that this is normal.Hopefully you're husband has been very regretful and upfront and honest with you since this happened. It may take awhile to reestablish your trust with him and he should understand this. It's also very important to discuss WHY he cheated. You want to make sure that the reasoning behind this was not something that could arise again in the future. And if it can, there needs to be an action plan in place (i.e. being honest with how he's feeling) so that you both get a chance to rectify the situation.If the cheating has happened more than once, you may want to reevaluate your reasoning for staying in the marriage. It would be obvious that he did not truly regret what he had done or else he wouldn't repeat the same mistake. However, if it was a single event and he has shown you and continuously shows you that he genuinely loves you and is sorry for his mistake, I would give it a try. People do make mistakes and sometimes it takes an event like this to realize what you have.Know that it takes time and that you have the right to feel what you feel. If the relationship was a good, healthy relationship, it is worth saving. Ease back into it and be upfront with your feelings. In return, your husband should be patient and understanding of this. Also, marriage counselors are often a good go-to as they have a great deal of experience working with marriages in similar situations. Best of luck to you!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: I feel like I'm putting my full effort in my studies, but no one thinks that I am
I'm a teenager, and I know the importance of my upcoming schooling. However, no matter how much I put in my best effort, my family thinks I have done zero effort in total. What can I do?

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
First of all, I'm glad that you posted here and I'm glad that you recognize the importance of schooling.Where does your family get the idea that you are not putting in the effort? While people can interpret "effort" differently, with talking about schoolwork, I would think that your grades would show the effort that you are putting in.If you are getting good grades and you are saying that your family does not think your grades are good enough, maybe there could be a conversation where you are able to ask them what they are expecting from you (and try to listen without defending yourself for a few minutes) and then you could explain what you are doing to prepare. Maybe you could set time limits so you each have five minutes to discuss this (or less, if you think that would be better).If your grades are not as good as you would like and you are putting in the effort, I would still consider having a conversation like I mentioned above, and perhaps taking advantage of tutoring or other possibilities offered by your school.Just as a bit more information for you, I have been working with children, teenagers, and adults for more than nine years now. When someone tells me that they wish their child would do better in school, I always ask what that means. Sometimes it means that their grades are D's and F's. For other families, it means that the grades dropped below 95% and in that family, that is unacceptable. Perception makes a big difference here.If you are doing your best and accomplishing your goals, that is worth celebrating.
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
Feeling worthless is a hard feeling to have. How do you carry this with you all the time? The question is what is getting in the way of you "fixing" this one? This definitely is about how you feel about yourself. Try some Brain/Bodyspotting Therapy, to help heal the deep limbic system, since that's where your emotions live anyway. Hope this helps.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Samantha OsborneEncouraging and Compassionate):
Approaching a counselor can seem intimidating at first, but most mental health professionals want to help you feel safe and heard.  You can often find counselors using search engines like CounselChat or Psychology Today.  These websites allow you to get to know therapists before you take the next step.  These days, counselors have websites where you can learn even more.  These websites usually have clear instructions for contact.  Typically, you can reach out via phone or email to request a consultation.  During a consultation call, you can ask the therapist questions about their credentials and areas of expertise.  If you feel like you connect, you can schedule a first session where you will tell them more about yourself and why you are seeking therapy.  The thing to remember is that therapists want you to reach out to them, and they are happy to be approached for support.  Good luck!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Dawn M. Reilly, Psy.D.It's never too late):
The "right" therapist is a combination of expertise in the areas where you require, and fit as far as how comfortable you feel in speaking and sharing with that person.  People generally are quite good at determining whether or not someone fits well with their personality and style; and another key to know whether therapy is working is to ask yourself:  "Do I see that changes have come about since working with this therapist?"  Do I feel better? Am I reaching goals that I set at the onset of therapy?  Are difficult situations becoming easier by how I handle them? Training a therapist really isn't necessary, as all it requires is open and honest communication in order to give effective feedback that will in turn be helpful to you and your goals.
Topic: relationships

Question: Should I wait for this guy to make a move, or just move on?
I told him I liked him. He called me lovely and pretty but he said he didn’t want a relationship. He would always flirt with me.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Well, as disappointed as you may very well feel from hearing this guy's answer, you know he doesn't want a relationship.What type of move would you like him to make?If you mean you'd be happy to have sex with this guy and not a relationship, then wait for as long as your patience allows.To wait for him to change his mind that he does want a relationship, doesn't have a very strong base on which to stand.Its possible to do this only consider the emotional price of your frustration to wait for someone to change their mind.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I always fear that people are judging me
I know this fear doesn't make sense. How can I overcome it?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Stop caring about what you imagine people are thinking about you!Really this is the simple and complicated answer to feel better about your situation.Maybe someone is judging you, maybe someone isn't judging you.Until the person tells you directly what they don't like about you, there's nothing you can do.It is okay that the fear doesn't make sense, most fears don't make sense.
Topic: lgbtq

Question: How can I be interested in the same sex after nearly 40 years of being straight?
After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Sexuality, sexual orientation is not permanently fixed. What worked or described you at one point could change. As we grow and evolve some things about us that were once true sometimes becomes no longer true.  Change and evolution are natural. Self-acceptance is integral, loving yourself and embracing yourself as you grow, change evolve is paramount.
Topic: substance-abuse

Question: I don't know if my ex-boyfriend is using opiates again
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. One week, we were fine, and the next, he told me he needed space. He completely deleted me out of his life. He does have an opiate addiction. He claimed he was sober, but since we've split, I've heard many lies from him. Could he be using again, and does this addiction affect the mind?

Answer (from 2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy ):
Studies have proven that addiction affects the brain, there are many coping skills that addicts use to enable their addiction as well.  I would recommend that you speak with someone abut your relationship and your concerns.  Not only so you can have more clarity in the situation but we often tend to gravitate around or toward the same types of individuals.  Being more aware of your relationship will help you in the future when re-engaging in personal relationships.
Topic: diagnosis

Question: How does a counselor diagnose someone with a disorder?

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):
Broadly speaking, assessment tools are used to measure the symptoms related to a variety of disorders.Gathering patient data also includes doing an intake interview usually at the first session. The intake interview is a valuable tool as it leads the way to a diagnosis along with other collected information associated with personal history and the presenting problem. Although counselors work toward arriving at an accurate diagnosis, at the same time, they aspire to not pathologize clients.
Topic: diagnosis

Question: Why can't I stop these thoughts?
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
   What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?

Answer (from Kevin MimmsBuilding Better Connections):
A lot of times the thoughts we have about ourselves are messages we have received from other people and later internalized them. So in that sense, these thoughts are yours and belong to you, but you have received these messages from somebody else. Even though we all receive messages like this at times, it pays to be careful not to ignore other messages we are receiving, such as a loved one appreciating your help or attention, a friend responding to encouragement, or a colleague showing interest in you. I hope this helps.
Topic: anxiety

Question: When I'm around children I get this intense feeling of paranoia and fear
I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it.    I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them.    I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop?

Answer (from Martin Hsia, Psy.D.OCD, Anxiety, and Insomnia Specialist):
In our practice, many people we see have unwanted thoughts of doing harm to children - physically or sexually. As you said, these are intrusive and unwanted thoughts - not genuine desires to harm them. This is a form of OCD we often call Harm or Pedophilic OCD. What you are describing here as "paranoia" sounds similar to this, and is so demoralizing because you are dealing both with the distress of these unwanted thoughts and feelings, as well as the fear and uncertainty about your own character as a good person.If this is really what is going on (further assessment by the right professional would determine this), the current gold standard approach to addressing OCD is Exposure with Response Prevention - in this case, confronting the feared situations, thoughts or images on purpose, rather than avoiding them, until they lose the fear and shame associated with them.
Topic: legal-regulatory

Question: Is it ethical for a social worker to ignore a client’s phone calls?
I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me?

Answer (from Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor):
Mental health providers should promptly return calls from current clients as well as from potential clients.  This is even true if the social worker (or counselor) is unable to make an appointment with the caller.  In that case the social worker should call you back to let you know that he is unable to schedule an appointment with you.In addition, mental health providers have an obligation to follow through with their own communication standards.  For example, if the social worker in this case has an outgoing voicemail message that promises returned calls within 24 hours, he has an obligation to follow through on that promise.All that being said, it is also worth remembering that mental health professionals are just people too. It is possible that he had an unforeseen emergency that kept him from from returning your call promptly.In the end, I agree with Sherry's advice. If you feel this social worker is not a good fit for you, you probably should trust your gut and find someone else who is a better fit.