thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: anxiety

Question: I want to feel more comfortable around people
My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him. I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people.
   How can I feel more comfortable around other people?

Answer (from Dr. John Frampton):
There's a lot of layers there to your situation, and I'm focusing on two layers that may be contributing to your feelings of discomfort around others.  One layer is the daunting news that your son has autism.  Many parents can feel overwhelmed and distraught with this diagnosis.  The vast array of treatments available is daunting in and of itself at times to wrap one's head around.  Taking time to reflect or seek out therapy regarding how this diagnosis has impacted you may be helpful.  Some parents feel their individual identity gets lost in the diagnosis because they have dropped everything to help their child, and others may experience guilt.  If either of these or other feelings come to the forefront for you, it may be worth working through them with a therapist.  A support group list is available through www.autismspeaks.org and may help connect you with others raising children with autism.A second layer is the abusive relationship you were involved in.  The trauma you experienced in this relationship may have a very meaningful impact on your ability to trust and to be intimate with others.  Engaging with a therapist can help facilitate the healing process, as well as paving the way for more comfortable and trusting relationships.
Topic: intimacy

Question: What can I do about my husband's black and white personality disorder?
After receiving counseling, we have been told my husband has a black and white personality disorder. When I offer compromises in our disagreements, he does not seem to understand. We cannot resolve conflict because he only sees things as black or white. My husband has asked that we go to counseling this time. In the past, it has been my suggestion. We are thinking of going to a marriage mediator this time because there are financial issues that need to be resolved. He cannot see the whole picture when I attempt to explain my side to him.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I never heard of a marriage mediator before.Since you already went to counseling and the therapist observed your husband's tendency to see black and white in life, and because counseling functions on a deeper level than a mediator generally does, a marriage mediator sounds like a step backwards.Why not go to a financial mediator?This would satisfy your husband's black white outlook and may satisfy you too because no emotions are expected in financial discussion and the relationship suffers from an expectations surrounding emotion.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How can I learn to love and like myself and what's in the mirror?

Answer (from Amanda WallingsfordGenuine, caring, and experienced therapist looking forward to supporting you through your journey of growth):
For some people, it really is about "learning" to love and like yourself.  Learning this often starts with understanding what gets in the way of you liking or loving yourself.  And more often than not, it is the messages our brain sends that have an extremely powerful affect on how we view ourselves.  The brain is very powerful in tricking us that we are ugly, or dumb, or not worthy, and so on.  But what is amazing and beautiful, is that our brain has great capacity to be re-wired to no longer accept the negative messages but instead replace them with more realistic and more loving messages.  Seeing a therapist/counselor can be a great resource to help you learn to fight those messages.
Topic: trauma

Question: Can I get over PTSD on my own?
I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic. Can I fix this by myself?

Answer (from Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor):
I will not say that you can't but I will say it will be much harder and the time may take much longer.  Getting help and having someone to be there with you through the ups and down of PTSD makes the journey much easier.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Shirvington HannaysCertified Addiction Counsellor):
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? The honest and authentic answer is that you may never be able to say for sure you have the right Therapist.However, you can be guided a few session of your meeting and you sharing the reason(s) you seek counselling. Then you feeling that both you and the Therapist have invested some time together being venerable, establishing trust, and both being willing to come from a place of respect for each other. Especially from the therapist to you, that you don't feel judged. That said, it is hoped that in time and with time (varying form each set of client/therapist teams) there develops and forms a therapeutic alliance that natural fosters and encourages change and growth for you the client.All of the above said, how do you find this out? You will have to be will to invest some time getting to know the therapist, his or her style; therapy mode and approach base of training and expertise. here are still qualities of a professionally sound and empathetic therapist. They have clearly shown over time they actively listen to you, clarify and confirms highlights of your sharing, your fears, concerns and challenges that lead you to seek out counselling at this time. While you being as honest and forthcoming in your sharing for an assessment process to be conducted. Which allows for the establishment that you both may be a good fit to foster and maintain a therapeutic working alliance.How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?If this truly is an intention and motivation to explore treatment by you having the misguided information that you need to train your therapist to meet your needs, you clearly are not ready for treatment at this time.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to go into therapy feeling nervous?
I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?

Answer (from David RouttPresident and Clinical Counselor at Totius Therapies):
It can be uncomfortable talking to someone about your life in the great detail that is normally necessary for counseling to be beneficial. Since you're already going to counseling, congratulations on taking that big, first, stress-inducing step. Hopefully by now you are starting to feel a little more comfortable with your therapist. It can be helpful to address this big "elephant in the room" and talk to your therapist about this. I do my best to help people feel comfortable when they come to counseling, but regardless of how hard we try, sometimes it is just a little hard to get accustomed to. The good news is, the more you keep at it, the more "normal" it will become.
Topic: spirituality

Question: I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion
I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

Answer (from Steve Termath, MA, LPCC, NCCLet's regain control! Comfort zones can be the breeding grounds of failure.):
Spirituality for those in the LGBTQ community can be one of the more difficult roads. Unfortunately, many unjustly ostracize members of the LGBTQ community away from faith and spirituality. I believe that folks can embrace the identity that is genuine to them, and still maintain their spiritual beliefs! Briefly, the keys are to first monitor how we allow those in our life to influence our thoughts and emotions. We need to create standards and boundaries to protect ourselves. We also need to not project the judgment of other people onto our individual spiritual beliefs! There are many ways in which to tackle this effort!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Adrienne LicariIndividual and Couples Counselor):
Yes, it is normal to cry in therapy. When opening up and talking about uncomfortable feelings or experiences that a person has been holding onto, there is a lot of emotion that is being released whether during a therapy session, close friend or family member.We all have painful memories and feelings. Talking about things brings up a lot and tears sometimes will follow. If you cry during a session, it just means that you have been holding onto difficult thoughts/feelings that you finally are ready to look at and talk about.In the beginning of working with a therapist, lot of people feel uncomfortable when they cry. Often they will apologize for their tears, question why they are crying now or try to dehumanize their feelings by labeling them ( i.e. as silly, stupid, annoying). There is no need to apologize or use labels, as therapists know that with therapy comes healing. Sometimes healing needs tears.Life at times is difficult and the stories behind one's emotions can be moving for both a client and therapist. As a therapist, I sometimes find myself wiping a few tears away too. That's when you know someone is really listening to what you are sharing and understands the road you've walked.-Adrienne Licari - http://www.positivetherapyservices.com
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
It's not uncommon and you're not alone. Many people cry during therapy, it's one of the coping skills your body has to release. Hope this helps!
Topic: anger-management

Question: How can I stop overthinking and getting upset easily?
When I think of things people put me through in the past, I get upset all over again and take it out on everyone. I'll be mad for nothing at all and have a attitude with everyone for no reason.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
You're definitely not mad at "nothing".I agree with your point about not emitting your upset about internal matters onto people who have nothing to do with what bothers you.Your internal stressors are real, otherwise you wouldn't feel the way you describe.Take time to understand what bothers you about past situations and leave open the amount of time you will need to feel finished with examining these topics.The more thoroughly you understand yourself, the less likely you will be to bring past stressors into current relationships.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How do I cope with the feelings like I'm not good enough?
I feel like I have to be promiscuous in order to keep people around? It started after I got raped by my ex-boyfriend.

Answer (from Jessica DobbsTherapist):
I recommend that you seek professional services to address the trauma you experienced. EMDR has been proven to be very effective in treating trauma. In addition, a support group might be helpful to find a more stable support network. Either a support group for victims of rape or sex/love addiction www.sa.org sound appropriate. Whichever group resonates the most with you will be the most helpful. If you have any additional questions or concerns, please feel free to ask.
Topic: depression

Question: is it normal not to feel empathy?
I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
Empathy is the ability
to tap into our own experience to help us connect with others in order to be
aware of how they are experiencing life. 
It is a skill that we learn with practice and refine as we become mature.
If you are feeling anxious, maybe you are able to understand better others who
are going trough anxiety.  But I wonder
if instead of feeling empathy, you may just want to find ways to reduce your
anxiety.  A good idea is to be very aware
of your anxiety triggers, and once you identify them explore other ways you
could react. ¿Sera normal que no sienta empatía?Parece que no puedo experimentar ninguna otra emoción que
no sea ansiedad, ni si quiera por mí misma. Empatía es la habilidad de usar tus propias
experiencias para conectarte con otros y estar consciente de la manera que
ellos experimentan la vida.  Es una
destreza interpersonal que aprendemos y refinamos con la práctica y según maduramos
como personas.  Si te estás sintiendo
ansioso, tal vez puedas comprender mejor como otra persona experimenta momentos
de ansiedad.  Pero me pregunto si en
lugar de estar buscando sentir empatía, realmente quisieras reducir tus niveles
de ansiedad.  Una buena manera es estar consciente
que activa la ansiedad, y ya que lo identifiques, explora que otras reacciones
pudieras tener.
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my girlfriend?
My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
People often have very different values and opinions when they are drinking excessively and when they stop drinking so much.Did the two of you share drinking as an activity?  If yes, then did you stop drinking too?Often when partners meet each other as drinking buddies when one gets sober, the relationship ends.  Once the terms of any relationship changes, one possibility is that it dissolves.The best way to go is to start the conversation of what you genuinely want.  This is the only way she'll really know your thoughts.Ask her to give serious consideration and discussion over at least a few weeks or months, to moving away from you.  This is a fair request since you are in a relationship.If she's changed so much by giving up drinking, which is possible, that she no longer wants to be in relationship to you, then you are better off being without a drinking gf, even if the truth she delivers is a hurtful one.
Topic: parenting

Question: My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him
I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
Children often have a difficult time expressing emotions accurately. It is also very likely that your daughter does not understand  the permanence of death. Having said that, she is using some very specific ideas here and I would recommend contacting a local mental health professional with some experience working with children.I would also wonder where she is getting this idea. Sometimes children hear things on TV or from an adult and we are not even aware of how much they are remembering.It may be helpful to teach her things that she can do when she is angry, like say that she is mad because she cannot have the toy that she is asking for.I'm curious as to how long it is that she stays mad like this and whether she talks to her dad after she is no longer angry. Does she say the same sorts of things about you?It may also be helpful for you to work with a mental health professional (possibly the same one who is working with your daughter) so that you can have some support with this as well.
Topic: trauma

Question: How do I get over rape trauma syndrome?
I was kidnapped at fourteen and raped at gunpoint. The guy got six months. When the same thing happened with two "friends" at nineteen, I didn't even report it.

Answer (from Sarah McIntyreSarah McIntyre, M.Ed., LPC):
Wow, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.  My heart goes out to you.  Please find a therapist who specializes in working with PTSD.  Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems Therapy, and Somatic Experiencing are all highly effective therapies for complex interpersonal trauma.  If you are interested in reading about trauma from a compassionate and scientific perspective I highly recommend Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: Am I going to be alone forever?
I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone.

Answer (from Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP):
As social creatures, we humans all long for deep human connection. To know that we belong and are part of something larger. It is so important to us that when we feel alone - it can feel almost unbearable. You are not alone in feeling alone. While it can take time to build deep relationships there are moments in each day where we have the opportunity to interact with other people who may also feel lonely and scared and want to be seen and acknowledged. I wonder what it might be like for you if you took on an experiment of trying to really see the people around you and make little attempts to acknowledge and connect with them - fellow humans on this journey of life. A "good morning" at the bus stop or really looking at the person who you buy your groceries from or thanking or complimenting someone for something that you notice and appreciate. While this is not a substitute for close relationships these moments of real connection with the people who we share our communities with can go a long way to realizing that we are not as alone as we may have thought.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: My friends don't put effort into our relationship
It's really hard to not have negative feelings about friends who don't put any effort into nourishing our relationship.

Answer (from Cory Ian Shafer LPCPsychotherapist, Jungian, Hypnotherapy):
One thing I would ask is "why are you still hanging with those {friends}?" A relationship needs to be nurtured by both parties, it is a dynamic fluctuation between two people. I would ask you to question why you continue to remain together as friends, I always believed that a relationship should emit positivity towards all parties involved, if your in a relationship that is one-sided, it is inevitable that it will start to de-compensate. Never travel with the circus, never travel with fools, everything in life should have some positive payout, will things at times be negative, of course they will, but in order to keep something or someone in your life there should be more positivity than negativity.Hope this helps, C
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I not be afraid of commitment?
I've pretty much been on my own since day one, I'm a middle child of five, and I can't seem to put my trust in anyone. It took me four years to finally open up a little to my best friend. Every time I realize that I have feelings for someone, I freak out and never talk to them again. I really want some help.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
One way to concentrate is that if your mind starts to wonder then remind yourself to bring your attention back.Start with short time spans of expecting yourself to concentrate.  You'll more likely succeed with concentrating with small time spans than longer ones.Once you start seeing your success, this will motivate you to try increasing the length to expect yourself to concentrate.The task of self-reminding is the same, whether for long or short time periods.Also, before starting this exercise ask your medical doctor if the problem can be related to a physical health problem.If there is, then have the possibility ruled out that your difficulty concentrating comes from the mental ability to concentrate, and not some medical reason preventing this.Before someone can engage their psychological will there must be a clean medical body and mind with which to work.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Jessica Fealk, MA, LPCwww.dalycounseling.com (Michigan)):
You will generally feel a 'click,' or 'connection,' with a counselor through their bio, website, and/or on the phone during a consult (if one is provided).  Counseling is about the true you having a safe place to come out.  With the right therapist you will feel safe to be your true self, in all your glory! In order to get what you need from treatment, be clear with what you are looking for.  I believe a great counselor is person-centered and partners with the client, inviting the client to determine the goals, and where they would like to get to.  Then the therapist and client work together to get to the client's desired destinations!
Topic: depression

Question: How can I get counseling if my primary care physician won't help?
I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?

Answer (from Beverly PedrocheAccepting New Patients):
Telehealth has become very popular during the pandemic. One of the benefits of telehealth, is that you can see a therapist who may not be in your area at all (although depending on where you reside, they likely just need to be licensed in the state where you reside). Telehealth offers access to a much larger pool of mental health providers. Some therapists offer sliding scale fees (a reduced fee) for those who are unable to pay full rate.
Topic: eating-disorders

Question: How do I see a therapist without having healthcare?
I need to speak to someone about sexual addiction and binge eating immediately.

Answer (from Margaret Van AckerenMA, LMFT):
Depending on your area and location, there may be therapists who provide services on a sliding scale. Additionally, churches will often times offer counseling for free or for a small fee. I suggest doing a simple Google search and contact therapists in your area. It never hurts to ask for a reduced fee and even if he or she is unable to provide the service, they may be able to refer you to someone who can.