thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: depression

Question: I get depressed whenever anyone I care about is too busy to be with me. What do I do?
My last relationships have ended horribly. They just up and abandoned me. One of them I have never gotten closure with over it, leaving me emotionally wrecked. I know something's wrong with me but I don't know how to even start trying to better myself.
 I get into these depressed like states whenever anyone I care about is too busy to be with me. I know that I shouldn't act like that because people are genuinely busy, but I feel like they're doing it just because they don't want to be around me.

Answer (from Jessica DobbsTherapist):
Frequently when working with clients, I utilize the A-B-C model developed by Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Theory. The theory basically states that you can not control an event but you can control your reaction to the emotions associated with said event. For instance here is an example:A (Action or Event): You need to talk to someone and that person is not calling you back.B (Behavior or Response): You begin to tell yourself that this person is too busy for me or I am not important to this person.C (Consequence): You feel depressed.If you look at the model, B has a direct effect on C. The thought is if you change your reaction to A, then C will have a better consequence, such as:A: stays the same.B (this is what you change): This person must be busy, they will call me back when they get a chance or I can call someone else to lean on for support until this person is available.C: Decreased feelings of depression & overall functioning improves.This is just an example but if you actively work to replace the negative thought patterns that effect your behavior, studies show that your overall outlook and mood will improve. If this model resonates with you, I recommend "Feeling better, getting better, staying better" by Alber Ellis. In addition, looking for support groups in your area are a great source of support when you are feeling abandoned or alone.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I stop feeling jealous in my relationship?
My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I suddenly find myself jealous when I see him talking to other girls. I have never been this way before. I don't like these feelings. He said that my jealousy would cause our relationship to have problems. I told him I can't help these feelings. I don't know where they are coming from, but this is how I feel, I tried to stop, but I can't. I really like this guy, but I'm afraid that I'm messing up the relationship. It's just stupid.

Answer (from Amy NolanYour journey to wellness starts here!):
Trust is at the top of what makes a healthy relationship.  It sounds like you may benefit from personal counseling to explore where this jealousy comes from and what keeps you from having complete trust in your boyfriend.  This is not stupid, this is your mind telling you that there is something that needs to be worked through.  Sometimes we need to talk to someone like a counselor who is disconnected from our life to understand our feelings and what they mean in our relationships.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Phone or email a counselor whose profile you've read and which feels right for you.Ask to get a feel as to the way the person would handle your problem and work with you.In my practice I offer a phone consult which generally continues for twenty minutes.I feel it is only fair that a prospective patient has a feel for the service they are about to purchase before they can be expected to pay money for a service which may not be to their liking at all.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I help myself and change my behavior?
I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young. I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why,    I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it.    How can I help myself to change my behavior?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Give yourself a lot of empathy and care for having had a rough childhood and realizing that life can be better than how you were treated when growing up.Be patient with yourself too bc lasting change takes time. Alternatives to hitting your head require constant gentle reminders to do these new behaviors, or if you've discovered a satisfying alternative in one moment, time is required for you to repeat this alternative until it feels natural.Anxiety usually means someone did not feel well understood growing up and was rushed to comply with the wishes of others who were a regular part of their lives.Anxiety lessens as the person starts to know and accept their wishes and needs as valid.  Allow yourself to learn who you truly are in the spirit of accepting whatever you discover about yourself.The behaviors will naturally change with your new understanding and self acceptance.Good luck and enjoy this self discovery project!
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How can I learn to like myself?

Answer (from Amanda WallingsfordGenuine, caring, and experienced therapist looking forward to supporting you through your journey of growth):
For some people, it really is about "learning" to love and like yourself.  Learning this often starts with understanding what gets in the way of you liking or loving yourself.  And more often than not, it is the messages our brain sends that have an extremely powerful affect on how we view ourselves.  The brain is very powerful in tricking us that we are ugly, or dumb, or not worthy, and so on.  But what is amazing and beautiful, is that our brain has great capacity to be re-wired to no longer accept the negative messages but instead replace them with more realistic and more loving messages.  Seeing a therapist/counselor can be a great resource to help you learn to fight those messages.
Topic: parenting

Question: How can I improve my relationship with my daughter?
Me and my adult daughter just do not get along. She's very belittling to me when I don't agree with her. It's almost like she scolds me. We get into all out war. She's said I don't support her in what she does and that I've never loved her. She calls me horrible names, and she pushes my buttons to the point I call her names.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
As frustrating and probably hurtful as your daughter's comments sound, there's also a message in them about how she genuinely feels.To some degree, your daughter and you may both feel similarly misunderstood by the other.Developing ways of listening and talking to one another to better understand how you each feel, would probably help a lot.One major point to be aware, is that the mother/daughter relationship dynamic, because it is strong, may slow the new dynamic of relating as two adults.Watch for your own tendency to expect your daughter to consider you as a parenting authority, instead of considering her as a grown person.The same is true of your daughter.  She may need to remind herself to talk to you as the adult she is.Her needs from you are real, they just need to be spoken to you in an adult way.
Topic: anxiety

Question: I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder
I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this?

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
It certainly sounds like you have some anxiety. Before deciding whether it was social anxiety or a more general type of anxiety, I would wonder what it is that you think will result from you raising your hand or talking to someone you don't know. Here is some information on social anxiety: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxietyI would recommend talking to a local mental health professional. It sounds like your anxiety is affecting your daily life and there are lots of strategies that may help to lessen that.Thanks for being brave to post here.
Topic: social-relationships

Question: How can I become more understanding?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I like your beautiful question!Start by understanding yourself and your own inner knowledge of who you are and what direction your life must take in order for you to feel comfortable and fulfilled.Understanding oneself is a life long activity, even a necessity so that you are able to sense the truth of another person.As long as you are taking steps in the direction of self-knowing, you will gradually improve and increase the way and the range of understanding of other people and our world.Good luck with your project!
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How can I avoid family members who stress me out?
My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.

Answer (from Amanda Babineau-LaRoseCounseling related to depression, anxiety, aging, grief and loss, medical illness, and adjustment to changes across the lifespan. ):
It is important to set boundaries with those that stress you out. I encourage people to validate the other persons feelings by saying "I am sorry you are going through this." Then, to set the boundary bye stating what you need from them or what you are trying to do with your life to destress and that you can't be a listening ear right now. This will need to be a repeated conversation, but over time you will notice less stress.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?
My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

Answer (from Brandon CoussensCouples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy):
I am sorry that you are struggling with this! I would love to help. I have a few questions first and I know you can't answer back unless you contact me. Do you use birth control? Is there pain during sex? Have you had sexual experiences before your husband? Have you ever experienced sexual abuse or trauma? Has their been any negative sexual experiences between you and your husband? Did you grow up in a Christian home? When you say you have low sex drive or you don't know what you are doing:Do you ever think about sex? Do you ever have the urge or desire? When ya'll have had sex, do you both enjoy it? Do you enjoy it? What are your priorities? Is your relationship good? Did you have sex before marriage and how much? Wow... So, it is hard to answer this question without knowing more information. I want you to be better connected with your husband too. If you don't want to seek other help, my best advice would be to intentionally initiate sex once per week, whether you feel like it or not. If something hurts, don't do it. Begin talking about sex regularly. Read more books on sex and build a knowledge about sex. I can give you some good resources if you would like. Please don't give up, but please work on this soon!
Topic: depression

Question: My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression
He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out.

Answer (from Nicole StoneAnxiety, relationship crisis, and the separation/divorce experience.):
The fact that you mention that he is "constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out," suggests that Discernment Counseling might be a really good fit for you both. Discernment counseling is a protocol for partners where one or both aren't certain they want to remain in the relationship. It's a brief (1-5 sessions) and intentionally focused on helping partners talk through (primarily individually) their reasons for and against staying in the relationship - as well as confront their own contributions that lead to the relationship crisis. It's aimed at helping the couple reach a clear understanding of which path they are going to take, not asking anyone to change just yet, so it can be a lot less intimidating and more to the point than couples therapy.  You can look to find a local therapist providing this service here. That said, I agree with other respondents that if he is deciding to leave, seeking out support for yourself would be incredibly helpful. You may need to accept his decision, but you can certainly feel whatever emotions you have.  You are allowed to feel exactly how you feel, and it's likely you'll be sad, or angry or hurt or disappointed or scared, or any combination of any/all of those. Having someone there who can validate those emotions and help you to process the grief that naturally comes with the end of a relationship can be a huge help in finding a place of healing and regaining a sense of self, a sense of hope.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: Why can't my mom ever be proud of me?
She constantly tells me what I am doing wrong. For once, I want her to be proud of me. It’s like no matter what I do, she does not have one nice word to say to me. She is always hateful towards me and always has been.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
I imagine this is very difficult and confusing for you.It sounds like there are things for which you are proud of yourself, which is really good. I hope there are also other people in your life that are currently able to recognize the good things that you're doing.If you think your mom would be willing to go to see a local mental health professional with you, that may be a good place to have some discussions about the relationship that the two of you have. The reason I'm suggesting that it may be easier to have the conversations there is because sometimes the mental health professional can point out parts of conflict that are not easy for the people who are involved to actually see by themselves.If you want to try to talk with you mom to see how she is feeling, maybe she would be willing to discuss it with you. If you're going to have a conversation like that, I would suggest you try these things:Ask her if this would be a good time to have an important conversation. If she says no, consider asking her when would be a better time.Try to have the conversation with the goal of taking about five minutes to learn more about where she is coming from on this. If you can ask questions to learn more about that, you may be able to know more about what she is thinking and feeling.This doesn't mean that you have to agree with her, but just that you are able to hear where she is coming from.Try to ask questions that start with the words who, what, how, where, when. Questions that start with the word "why" can be difficult to answer and can lead to a lot of extra emotion.Try to summarize what she is saying to see if you have it right.If you want your mom to know how you feel, after you can listen to what she is saying and see if she is willing to listen to what you would like to say.If you're going to tell your mom about how you feel, consider having some points written down ahead of time so you can explain yourself the way that you want to.It will probably be really hard to listen to her without being defensive right away. I know I would be wanting to jump right into the conversation. Remember that jumping in right away will probably make it more difficult to learn where your mom is coming from.Also, if she says she doesn't want to have a conversation, remember that she has that choice.If your mom does not want to go to see a counselor with you, remember that you could go on your own. Depending on your state and exactly how old you are, you may need your parent's permission to be in treatment, but not always. If you need help to figure that out, try contacting a couple of local mental health agencies to see if they can help you figure out what to do if you want to talk to someone.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is there anything I can do to make my anxiety go away?
I'm a teenager, and while I’ve never been to any kind of therapist, I noticed I experience several anxiety symptoms. I frequently find myself not going out and following my parent around the house. I can't go into stores (grocery stores specifically) on my own, and when I do, I have to be on the phone with my dad the whole time. I also forget things a lot.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Despite your anxiety you are highly attuned to your sense of well being and skillful in articulating the details of when anxiety takes over.Sometimes people who anxious in specific realtime situations are helped by talking themselves through the anxiety.Maybe you'd be able to distract yourself from the grocery store anxiety by telling yourself you're anxious and that you'll be ok, its only a grocery store.The longer term way to dissolve anxiety is through self-acceptance, self-love, self-belief, basically all the areas of trusting yourself to handle situations.Anxiety is a fear of being overwhelmed by a circumstance or condition which ends badly for you.Often the person can very well handle the situation about which they're anxious.   The problem is not trusting themselves enough to rely on their self knowledge.
Topic: relationships

Question: I need help of letting go of a man who hurt me but it’s so hard. How do I do it?

Answer (from Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor):
It is incredibly hard to let go of a relationship that was meaningful in your life. Even though you consider the relationship to be a hurtful one, I’m sure there are some aspects about it that are hard to let go of (i.e. time invested, mutual friends, positive memories, etc). So it is very understandable why it’s hard for you. However, the most important piece here is that you know that this relationship is harmful. That is great that you have recognized this. Unfortunately, some men and women do not realize the damaging and hurtful situation that that they are really in.Keep in mind that the longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it will be until you find the RIGHT person. You are doing this to better yourself and your future. Look at it this way, being in a destructive relationship is comparable to an illness or disease. You are simply, taking the correct measures to rid you of this sickness and to get well.It may also help to write down a list of negative aspects of the relationship and keep it close if times arise when you begin to question yourself or start to miss this person. Constant reminders of why you ended the relationship will be helpful to keep you on right track and in the right mind setting.It will be difficult, but it’s doable. Give your chance to start on your deserved happiness now.Best of luck!
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How do I stop sneaking away from home at night?
I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?

Answer (from Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!):
When you say you've "been caught", I am assuming that means your parents know you've been sneaking out.  If that's the case, could you ask for their help?  Sometimes just knowing someone else is holding you accountable really makes a difference.  That could be as simple as Dad checking in on you at, say, 2 am, just to make sure you are where you are supposed to be.If you are sneaking  out to hang out with friends, find another way to connect with them - if they are truly friends they will want to support you in your resolution to stay put at night.  Maybe you can ask for their support by telling them to stop including you in late night plans.There is likely a reason you were sneaking out, but there's a reason you want to stop too - so get support.  No one changes hard habits on their own!Best of luck to you - you can do this and it will help you change other things in the future.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Is it normal to cry during therapy?
I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?

Answer (from Natalie Moore | Holistic Therapy🛋 For creative, ambitious millennials):
First off, I want to commend you for taking that tough, but important step in starting therapy. That’s a brave commitment to make to yourself. Yes, crying in therapy is not only normal, it’s encouraged! Crying is the body’s natural response to sadness, grief, happiness (think tears of joy!), stress and even anger, for some people. Therapy is a safe place to feel and express the full range of emotions, whether those are pleasant, unpleasant or anything in between. When you cry in therapy, you allow your mind and body to release stuck emotions that haven’t had the opportunity to come out yet. Do you ever notice that after you cry you feel a sense of relief? Like a giant weight was lifted off your shoulders? That’s a sign of healing and you can learn to embrace that. Even science has shown that certain hormones, like cortisol, are released in tears. If you’re worried about your therapist judging you for crying in session, let’s put that fear to rest. As therapists, we see people cry every day. Some clients cry immediately as they start their first session. Some clients don’t cry until a year or more into therapy. Everyone’s different. But trust me, we’ve seen it all and we won’t blink an eye or think a single negative thing about it. If anything, your therapist will probably see your pain and want to do everything in their power to help you work through it.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How does someone approach a counselor?
How does a person start the counseling process?

Answer (from Elena Engle, LMHC, EMDRVery Good Counseling):
The first thing is to see if they have a consultation. Many therapists offer this to make sure both parties feel like it’s a good fit before they invest time/money. If they have a website look over there blog, and other content on there page. If you are coming to counseling for a particular interest then having some questions prepared about there expertise with (whatever you looking for).
Topic: depression

Question: How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt?
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.

Answer (from Sarah McIntyreSarah McIntyre, M.Ed., LPC):
This must be so difficult for both of you.  Watching someone you love suffer so profoundly can bring up lots of difficult feelings.  Without knowing what you are already doing, I have a few thoughts to share with you. First and foremost, know that you cannot fix this for him, and get support for yourself.As much as you are able, make space in your relationship for him to talk about what he is experiencing.  He might not want to talk, and that is ok.If he wants to talk, try to listen without judgement and without trying to talk him out of his feelings.  Focus on validating his feelings and just sitting with him in his pain.Let him know how you feel...that you love him, that you care, that you are concerned, that this is scary for you too, that you are here.I hope that this is helpful.  On my website (www.sarahmcintyrelpc.com), I've written a series of blog posts about coping with distress.  The techniques I've written about there may be supportive for you and your husband.  Sending warm wishes your way.  -Sarah