thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: parenting

Question: I want help with how to deal with my abused daughter
She refuses to talk to me and told my mom (her grand mother) that she is remembering things from the past. I don't know what to do. My daughter blames me and swears she hates me.
   My parents say I should just let my daughter live with her dad, but I don't see how I could fix things if I only see her every other weekend. What should I do?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Sorry to hear about your high degree of stress.How old is your daughter?Who abused yours daughter?The answers make a difference to your decision.Obviously if the father was the abuser, then unless your ex demonstrates to you and you believe, he will not abuse her, your daughter should stay with you.If someone other than the father was the abuser and the father has a good relationship with your daughter, then it is possible that the time away from your household will give each of you time away from arguing with one another.What does your daughter tell you she wants?Her wishes must be considered too.Relationships can be fixed.   Sometimes being apart helps this process because the two people each have time to reflect more deeply on what they value about the other.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: What happens in a counseling session?
After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?

Answer (from Fred RogersQue Sera Sera Counseling ):
Counselor tries to build rapport and gets the client talking. When the client talks, shares whatever they feel, counselor merely listens. A counselor's job is to bring out coping mechanism from the clients only and emphasise on the coping mechanisms,
Topic: depression

Question: Do I have too many issues for counseling?
I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?

Answer (from Danielle JoelCompassionate Mental Health Care):
This is a great question! I personally don't believe that any client could ever have too many issues for counseling. In fact, that type of thinking may be stopping you from seeking counseling, so it may be hindering you from getting the help you need. In fact, all of what you described points to the importance of you seeking help in order to cope with the many challenges in your life. If you seek counseling, it will be important for you to understand that you may need to remain in counseling for a sustained period of time in order to work through each of these issues. All of these issues won't be able to be solved right away or in a brief period of time. Counseling will take commitment and hard work, but it is possible for you to recover and heal from all of the issues you described.Many clients come into counseling with numerous issues rather than just one particular thing. Most of the time, the issues relate to and exacerbate each other. We call these "comorbid" conditions, which means that two or more mental health problems exist at one time. A lot of the times, when you start to work on one issue, the other issues get better as a result.I encourage you to find a professional therapist that can help you learn how to cope with all of the mental health difficulties that you described. You deserve the help just as much as anyone else.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: My brother never hangs out with me anymore
I am a teenager, and my brother is a few years older. He has a girlfriend who is always with him. He never hangs out with me anymore. We were really close, and it is making me really sad.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Zionsville. It's so sweet that you have a special relationship with your brother. You will ALWAYS have that, you know? He's doing what's natural at his age...spreading his wings and looking for love. You may be heading into that zone soon too, but I get that it's weird that he's there before you, and you miss him.Try to respect your brother's autonomy, wish him well, be friendly with his girlfriend, and it's also okay to say "Hey, bro, I'm still here. When can we hang out!?"
Topic: family-conflict

Question: How do I get my dad to understand that I don't want him to date or marry my best friend?
I have known her for years. She was dating my brother-in-law when we met. My kids think of her as their aunt. On Halloween 2014, I lost my mom to cancer. My mom and dad were still married when she passed away. My friend was there for me through that and my own cancer diagnosis. She has been a very big part of both me and my kids’ life, but now last month, my dad told me that he really likes my friend and wants to marry her. She’s like a sister to me. My kids hate the idea.

Answer (from Jennifer GerlachYour Story Matters):
That's intense. This person moving from a friend of yours to both a friend of yours and, in  a sense, your step mom is a lot. I wonder if you have let your dad know what's going through your mind with this and how it is affecting you. I can imagine that could feel awkward and emotional. Still, getting him to understand might be as simple as letting him know, in your words, how this feels from your view as well as what you wish. It may not change the outcome (he may still marry her), but your thoughts will not go unsaid and opens it up for conversation. Best luck!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Danielle Thomas, LMFTFinding Safety through Transparency ):
Emotion is the most "normal" and human activity that any person has the freedom to exercise.  Therapy is a place to explore freely, the deepest most ignored, and often denied concerns. Often time this process will evoke responses that were unexpected, but perhaps needed. What better place to begin exploring this than with a trained, unbiased person? Crying speaks to the development of connection and is symbolic of acceptance, and freedom of what was being held on to, which may not have been beneficial.
Topic: depression

Question: I'm very depressed?
I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):
It is to your credit that you reached out for help on this platform. How to find someone to talk to would depend upon your lifestyle and worldview. Many people reach out to their faith community and others to friends, family, or seek help from a psychotherapist. If you live in a large, metropolitan area you will have an abundance of options. However, if you live in a more rural area, options might be limited. Broadly speaking, if you have health insurance, you can make an inquiry about providers who deliver psychotherapy in your local area. You might also try exploring profiles  on Psychology Today to get a sense of therapists in your area available for a phone consultation. I wish you all the best in your search.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I get my husband back?
My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me.    He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Answer (from Shelly Kessingerwww.friendswoodmarriagecounseling.com):
I would focus on YOU right now. We cannot control him, his actions, his love, or his decisions. But we can work on you. Think about a few things: What do you want? What do you love about him? What made you two separate? What do you think about being in a relationship where your partner does not love you? Does that seem fair? He may want to work things out or he may be done. He may be done for a short period of time or be done forever. No one can answer that which is why I think you should change the focus. If you do get back together, will you still trust him to not leave you? What if he does not love you? If you never get back together, can you still have a healthy, happy life? Can you mourn that relationship but also learn from it?I want you to be strong, happy, and healthy with or without him. So yes, there is hope for you - with or without him.
Topic: anxiety

Question: How do I get over "imposter syndrome"?
I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.    How can I get over this feeling?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Much of feeling like an imposter is about our comparing ourselves to others and carrying what others think.   Make a note of what all leads you to feel as if you are an imposter and then as with a science experiment write down all the ways that hypothesis is incorrect, write down all the ways you are not a fraud.  You are valid.  View this video at your leisure. Negotiating With Inner Critic
Topic: depression

Question: Why do I feel like I will never have a good career/amount to anything financially?
I'm in my early 20s. I've worked since two months after I turned 18. I have “plans.” I could become an electrician, or I could operate heavy machinery. I have goals, but I do nothing to try to meet them because I don't feel I can. I just want a better life for my fiancée and the kids than I did.

Answer (from Karen ThackerRelationship Specialist):
For starters, commend yourself for being committed to working. You have no idea what is going to happen in the next second, so focusing on thinking you will never have a good career or amount to anything financially is creating a fictitious story.  Remind yourself of that every time the thought pops up.  The false belief that nothing good will happen is sucking out energy you can use on pursuing your career dreams. Next, do you know what you need to do to become an electrician or heavy machinery operator? If not, find out. Then, set up a realistic schedule for yourself to accomplish the steps. As you accomplish each step, see your progress.  Notice that you are moving closer to your goal.  Every day remind yourself why you are pursuing this career.  In fact, write it down and tape it on your bathroom mirror.  When you start to feel discouraged, remember your goal and remind yourself that you have no idea if you'll make it or not but you are going to give it everything you have to find out. Anything worth pursuing is going to take a lot of persistence and hard work. Stay with it! You and your family are worth it!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: Is it normal to cry at therapy?
Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
Crying - Shedding of Tears...9 Ways Crying May Benefit Your HealthDetoxifies the body. Reflex tears clear debris, like smoke and dust, from your eyes. ...Helps self-soothe. Crying may be one of your best mechanisms to self-soothe. ...Dulls pain. ...Improves mood. ...Rallies support. ...Helps you recover from grief. ...Restores emotional balance. ...Helps baby breathe. ...Helps baby sleep. ...
Topic: depression

Question: How do I stop feeling empty?
I don't know how else to explain it. All I can say is that I feel empty, I feel nothing. How do I stop feeling this way?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
Why do I feel empty?Feelings of emptiness—a lack of meaning or purpose—are experienced by most people at some point in life. However, chronic feelings of emptiness, feelings of emotional numbness or despair, and similar experiences may be symptomatic of other mental health concerns, such as depression, anhedonia, or schizophreniaLIke I say seek to get a check up physically and mentally to see if there are any medical under lining issues.
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Philippe BowerHealing with Philippe):
The relationship between yourself and your therapist is one based on trust, respect, and understanding. The best way to determine if a therapist is right for you is to ask. Does this therapist respect my journey? Does this therapist respect me as a human? Does this therapist understand the unique factors contributing to my mental health? Do I trust the therapist with my most intimate details? If you find that any of these answers are no, you may want to talk with your therapist about your concerns. In the end, only you are able to determine if your therapist is a great fit for your personal needs.
Topic: intimacy

Question: Should I let the father of my kids go?
The father of my kids and I have been broken up for about three years now. We always found our way back to each other. He had a baby with someone else he's with but still shows the same love he showed when we was together when he's around. He even gets jealous, but he ignores my calls.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Your story sounds like it gives you a great deal of tension and disappointment.You know you are not getting the amount of love and kind of relationship you'd like.It is almost as though you feel that "something is better than nothing".Reflect within yourself whether the balance of what you receive in this relationship is worth the sacrifice of not getting as much love as you wish.Depending on your decision you will know whether to drop this relationship or continue the same as its been.
Topic: trauma

Question: PTSD is impacting my whole life
I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago.    How can I get my life back?

Answer (from Elena Engle, LMHC, EMDRVery Good Counseling):
Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events.
Topic: intimacy

Question: I want to have a threesome with my husband and another girl, but I feel really nervous
My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me.    He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way?

Answer (from Keith HughesRelationships, Depression & Anxiety, Spiritual ):
Hello there.  As you have courageously explained your soulful dilemma. I can appreciate the complexity of this situation.  You have identified some key factors that may be contributing to your sense of feeling "empty".  One, is the ultimate goal here able to be acquired from this arrangement?  Are you trying to have your fulfillment with another woman while in the presence of your husband but not with him 'on her' as much or at all?  Are you trying to ask him to be more passive participant?  Perhaps be careful of not drinking too heavily... In the whole event, how do you want to feel intimate or connected ?  Were you craving all along, him to really be all over you along with her?  These are questions that arise; maybe not solutions.  Its always good to be very clear with oneself of what is the ultimate target here... And always measure the potential danger..  Peace - keith
Topic: parenting

Question: Should I leave my boyfriend?
My boyfriend has a child he gets every other weekend. He goes to see her twice a week or more. Every time she leaves, he gets into these funks like when his mom died. When she’s here, she’s disrespectful, and his answer is “Well, I don’t know what to tell you.” She swears and talks back, and he laughs. He and her mom have been apart for three years, and he blames her behavior on that and her being so young. We never have adult time when she’s not here. She’s the "golden child," and he won’t listen to anyone.

Answer (from Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT):
Hi Lockport, Building a relationship when there are already children involved is very tricky. You don't tell us whether you live together or not. If you do, your position is perhaps more difficult, because his daughter's behaviours affect you; you live in the home. A bottom line for me is you don't tell someone else how to parent. That's for your boyfriend to decide. When he's there, he's the parent, and he makes the decisions about how she is disciplined (or not). Even if you have good ideas or you completely disagree, or you think you see something that he's not seeing, it's simply not for you to interfere there. It sounds like your boyfriend is struggling emotionally and needs support. He has had a lot of losses in his life and maybe every time his daughter leaves he feels powerless and abandoned. Do you talk about these things? Can you find that line of supporting him but not telling him what to do?Although I suggest you leave the parenting to him, what you can do is tell him what you see, offer suggestions if he's open to it, and talk about the ways in which the situation affects you. It makes sense to say "I see you struggling and I don't know how to help", "I've noticed that you seem afraid to discipline her. Are you aware that it's coming across this way? Do you need help?", or "I feel sad and frustrated when we don't spend any time alone together." You sound a bit resentful of his daughter. Is it possible that your real struggle is about whether you're ready to be in a relationship with a man whose priority is his child?You have a voice, and it's great to offer support and ideas and let him know how you feel. Ultimately, however, you are wise to accept this man as who he is and accept the situation for what it is, and make your own decision about whether you want to be a part of it. :)
Topic: anxiety

Question: Am I somehow stressing myself out?
I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out

Answer (from Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor):
I think you have identified something important here. It's not unusual to experience feelings that don't seem to match up with what your rational mind recognizes. In this case, it sounds like a part of you recognizes that the people around you do not find you "annoying and bothersome." Despite knowing that people like you, it seems that there's still a part of you that feels like you're a bother.Finding a local counselor who can work with you to process those feelings might be just the help you need.
Topic: marriage

Question: How do I get my husband to listen to me?
I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.    How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
This brings back when I was doing internship with Dr. Gray as a online coach.  Although I may not agree with a lot of the things he did he has updated his techniques a lot these days.  FYI I kind of one of those interns back then who suggested because I know what I was dealing with during war time with military and my own marriage it wasn't his experience.  Cause it is the energy pattern the way your environment   IT is 101 basic communications and you will still maybe have those men who love to hear themselves talk and if you even try to talk they tell you to " shut up" which is abusive and that is another issue.  But like being hearing impaired or speaking german.  You need a translator or a tool to help or you need to try and learn sign language or speak german Right.  LOL.  Its frustrating.   Men only listen with one side of the brain ( work on that fellas ) women both sides.   You might think " is there something wrong with me" It is not You its the delivery.   I was around a lot of men with military.  Many of their things about their pet peeve in a trusting intimate type relationship like marriage. Is " women complain and nagg to much"  and women say.... " but he doesn't do things"  Right?  LOL.  " I am right and I am better"  But if you complain and nagg at a man too much he isn't going to listen.   Trust me  my cats are the same way.  Like calling them and they ignore me LOL.  ITs conditioning probaly he picked it up from his parents and so on....  What he is doing is detaching that is how he deals with it.  " so you think he isn't listening to you"  Roles today are different men and women are conscious relationships not like the old days we are dealing with both male and female sides.  Empowered.  You need to suppress your male side come back to your feminine not to go into him but him go into you.  I have a book " get your love life running"  coming back to your feminine side.
Topic: diagnosis

Question: Why can't I stop these thoughts?
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
   What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?

Answer (from Brenda Whelan, LMHCMind, Body, Spirit Counseling):
I think we all go through a period of time where we think we aren't worth anything. Sometimes these feelings are a result of low self esteem or because of shame. The most important part of dealing with this thought is to separate feelings from reality. "I don't feel worth anything, but I know what I do is important, I know who I am matters to others. I know I am loved and cared about."When you find yourself having these thoughts, stop, take a few deep breaths and try to reframe what you're thinking.
Topic: children-adolescents

Question: The child I nanny hates me!
I nanny a three year old. When he wakes up in the morning he calls out for someone to come get him. If I am the one to go get him out of bed he gets really upset and refuses to let me near him. He screams that he wants his mom or dad (they work from home).    The rest of the day he loves me. But not in the mornings.
   What can I do?

Answer (from Amy Higgs OTR/L, CLT, CAPSMobile Occupational Therapist: sensory bus for children with ASD, SPD, ADD/ADHD and trauma):
Be lighthearted, this toddler may not be a morning person! He is most likely wanting to connect with either parent when he arises in the morning. It could be helpful to talk with his parents and establish a routine that he would be comfortable with.
Topic: self-esteem

Question: How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself?
I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed.

Answer (from Sarah McIntyreSarah McIntyre, M.Ed., LPC):
I also want to note that we, as a society, are especially judgemental about how women dress and present themselves.  I am sorry that this boy said something insensitive.  There is nothing shameful about your body and it was not your intention to "display everything."  It also wasn't his place to judge you. As women we are expected to be sexy in some situations and demure in others.  Men don't have the same range of societal expectations to navigate.  You didn't deserve his rudeness.