thejana/Elective_dataset huggingface dataset:
Topic: spirituality

Question: I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?
Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
Believing in God is a matter of faith.  There are many opinions out there for and against God’s existence.  But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists?  This is a personal choice.  Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not.   Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: ¿Dios es real o no?Tal vez es una pregunta estúpida, pero algunas veces no sé que es real o no.  Siento que todo el mundo miente. ¿Cómo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?Creer en Dios es una cuestión de fe.  Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios.  Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe.  Esto es una decisión muy individual.  Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelación o confirmación es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar.
Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: I just lost my grandpa
I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it.    I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
It's really admirable that you are reaching out to get help for something that can be very hard to deal with on your own.Many counselors work based off a sliding-scale, meaning they may lower their fees to meet client's needs.  This can vary by location and therapist availability.  Another option is to try searching for counselors that would consider working with you probono.  There's no harm in asking!It also may be helpful to check with your insurance company to see what services they cover and what their copay is.  If it turns out that you are unable to find what you need, there are still many online support groups you can search via Google and/or Facebook that are specifically geared toward loss of loved ones.
Topic: intimacy

Question: My wife has a diminished libido, and is faking orgasms and denying it. What do I do?
My wife and I are newly married, about 2 months. We've had some issues surrounding sex, particularly her lack of libido. She's on an anxiety medication, of which diminished libido is a side effect, but I think our issue is also partly one of a lack of intimacy/romance centered around my hectic schedule. Our sex life has suffered as a result. Tonight she made a genuine effort to let me know she wanted sex, which is a big deal. Once things started, she had the most obviously fake orgasm I've ever encountered. I was honest with her about why, and told her that the most important thing to me in sex was knowing that she was legitimately enjoying it. She responded angrily with a complete denial of the faking. I don't know how to broach this subject and have an honest conversation. I think she will continue to lie to me about faking it which will cause our sex life to spiral further. Please help.

Answer (from Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant):
You are newly married, you Have a hectic schedule, your wife is on anti anxiety medication. What if you take the focus (hint: pressure) off of her orgasms and focus instead on connecting with one another. You know, like the gestures you each likely made while dating.  It turns out that these little moments of connection throughout our days are actually foreplay. Spend a few weeks making a real effort to focus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about this a while back, you can find it here: http://connectfulness.com/little-moments/ And have fun with it!
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?
I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.    How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

Answer (from Katie LeikamLGBTQIA Affirming Gender, Anxiety and RelationshipTherapist):
Your happiness and healthiness is key.  I would not suggest that you hold back and keep it a secret.  You should be up-front about it, but perhaps gently bring it up on a date.  When thinking about whether or not you should stop, think about how it makes you feel.  Perhaps try to be social at more accepting affirming locations in your area.  The people who will accept you for who you are are out there.  You may not be looking in all of the places you have available to you.
Topic: eating-disorders

Question: I hardly eat. But I gain weight instead of lose weight. Why?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
First step always is to have a medical evaluation so you are aware of any physiological conditions which may explain an answer to your question.If medically, there is no condition to explain why you gain weight instead of losing weight, even though you "hardly eat", then start noticing the types of food you eat.Almost all packaged foods sold in supermarkets and cooked by fast food places and shopping mall restaurants,  are processed to have a long shelf life and are artificially colored and have flavors added to them.With the natural taste and texture gone, it is very easy to eat a lot more calories than your body needs, before feeling full.The extra calories become extra weight eventually.Also, it is possible that even with the most natural food choices, if there is a psychological reason for eating, such as stress or anxiety, then someone may not notice they are eating more food than their body needs.Sending good wishes on playing around with these ideas and finding an answer with which you're happy!
Topic: intimacy

Question: Why is my fiancé angry at me about his automobile insurance?
My fiancé and I recently had an argument over finances. He gives me the money each month to pay his automobile insurance. He no longer has one of the vehicles on the policy. He realized he was still paying for the coverage and asked why I was allowing him to continue to do that since I was physically paying it for him. My response was that he was giving me the money, and I just made the payment. I didn't think of the coverages. He was angry about it. I still can't figure out that anger.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
I'd be more worried generally about a fiancee who assumes you are responsible for tracking what in fact are his responsibilities, than about the anger per se.What you describe holds the seeds of classic abusive behavior, which is blaming the partner for what in fact are the person's own responsibilities.Start by withdrawing yourself from paying his bills.If he is on his own in terms of tracking what and when is due regarding his auto policy, then surely the only one for him to blame will be himself.Stay clear of involving yourself in doing favors for him if the favor involves something that he is the one accountable.Tell him it is so the relationship remains fair for each of you.
Topic: depression

Question: My husband wants a divorce after I was diagnosed with severe depression
He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out.

Answer (from Lovener WightmanNYC Counseling):
When you are at your lowest, you have an opportunity to learn not just about the people around you and who you can depend on, but also, so much about yourself and why you have come to the place that you have. Take this time to do some introspection and learn yourself. It will give you the power to recover from whatever it is that has broken you. We'd love to talk with you. Please contact us sometime.
Topic: anxiety

Question: Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety
I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I’m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do?

Answer (from Keisha HelmsMS Counseling Psychology):
Hi there. I have to commend you on reaching out to get some answers on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. A lot of people secretly go about their lives every day feeling this way because they are too afraid of what the answer might be.First off, what stressors do you have in your life right now? Financial, relationship and unemployment are all common stressors for people. They can often make it difficult for us to sleep at night due to the constant racing thoughts and wonders of how you will deal with it all. Secondly, do you have a history of depression or does depression run in your family? Some of the symptoms listed here in this question (i.e. trouble sleeping, constant fatigue, too much sleep, anger & anxiety) are all common symptoms of depression. Often times, these symptoms can be overlooked and mistaken for "just being tired." Furthermore, it's important to ask yourself, if you are feeling worthless, problems with concentration and recurrent thoughts of death. If you are having these symptoms, please seek help IMMEDIATELY. Lastly, considering your stated symptoms I would recommend reaching out to your Doctor for further consult. It's always better to be safe and the earlier you catch the symptoms the faster you will get to feeling better! do Some helpful tips for the your Doctor would be to monitor your sleep habits (i.e. how much or little are you sleeping), make a list of your triggers for your anger outbursts as well as your triggers for your anxiety attacks. I hope this was helpful and the best of luck to you.
Topic: parenting

Question: How should I handle the child I had with my ex-wife?
My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
As you will see in the two verses I will list below, Jesus and the apostle Paul are telling us that we have to learn how to let go of our past. Jesus says that anyone who is trying to move forward in his walk and call for God – but keeps looking back – is not fit for the kingdom of God.  Seek deliverance from parts of your past you’re struggling to let go. Ask the Holy Spirit or your higher power to help.  Find how to incorporate visitation so this child see you and also maybe seek some legal advice on this matter.
Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I get my ex-girlfriend back?
My ex-girlfriend says she's bored and wants to experience life single. I treated her really badly and caused meaningless fights when she didn't do anything, I feel remorseful, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get her back. She's unhappy. When I called her, she was crying and said she will text me when she's ready.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Were you happy with the ways she satisfied you?A relationship is happiest if each partner concentrates on the happiness of the other.Strange for someone who was treated badly to describe themselves as bored, rather than say they feel hurt.Is it possible you are being self-critical about your behaviors toward your ex girlfriend? Either she is unaware of her feelings or not being fully truthful with you about her feeling badly treated.Since she's putting up a barrier to communicating with you, better for you to respect this than contact her by phone again.Consider in a few weeks, so each of you has time to think over your happiness with the other person, to write her an email which states your interest to re-open the relationship.Who knows, you may even decide by the end of a few weeks, that you're fine without this particular relationship.Depending on her response to your email, you'll know whether and how much chance there is for the relationship to clear up the problems of the past and to continue.
Topic: spirituality

Question: How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?
My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Answer (from Mirella Caro-CortesHelping Families & Marriages Repair, Recover & Thrive):
For you and your fiance to move past this, he needs to accept you just the way you are.  Being that you mentioned that you both come from a Christian background, maybe you could start there, he needs to forgive and trust your love for him.  His insecurities stem from something bigger than you not being a virgin.  Since this is the man, you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, be patient and help him find the help he needs.  Talk about your commitment to him and reassure him that your history does not have to affect your relationship.  Lastly, Pre-Marital Counseling can help you and him to open up about other things that might affect the marriage later.God Bless You Both, Mirella~
Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?
I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out.    How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

Answer (from Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here):
If you enjoy crossdressing and it is an integral part of who you are, giving it up for anyone else or to get into a relationship will only lead to resentment and resentment in a relationship usually leads to it's demise. So I would caution you against giving it up for someone else, as you won't be happy and neither will your partner because they will be losing out on getting to know your authentic self. Stay true to your authentic self and balance that out with dating people who do the same and are open to exploring thoughts and feelings in a relationship. You definitely get to choose the right time to share this with a partner and I encourage you, if it feels safe, to talk about it as soon as you can. Sometimes just keeping something a secret for a long time in a relationship can also lead to other issues, too. Also, if you know the other person doesn't respect this part of you if you find out early you won't waste your time and can move onto a relationship that feels more supportive.I hope this makes sense and I wish you the best of luck!
Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Michael GreeneTherapy That Focuses on Root Causes):
You have the right therapist if you feel safe with that person. Safety consists of feeling that who you are and what you say is valued. The right therapist is not an 'all knowing person you must obey'. He or she is a person with skilled knowledge who respects you as a partner in your self discovery. The right therapist is also one who is kind
Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Jeanette Razo-GonzalezLittle Steps Giant Leaps):
I'm glad you are interested in changing your feelings of worthlessness. Visiting your doctor is a great first step to address your lack of sleep. First, you want to make sure that you are physically healthy and that there isn't a physical condition causing your problem with sleep. Changing your feelings is something that is difficult to do, especially on your own. Make sure that you have someone you can trust and you can talk to about how you feel. This can be a friend or a family member. If you find that there isn't anyone you would feel comfortable talking to about this issue, find a therapist close to you who can help. One activity that people have found helpful in feeling better about themselves is keeping a gratitude journal. You can do this by journaling daily about the things that you are grateful for. There is no right or wrong way of doing this, as long as you focus your journal entries on the things you are grateful for in life.
Topic: family-conflict

Question: Is it okay to date my ex-boyfriend’s cousin?
I have been dating my ex-boyfriend’s cousin for a few years. We have gotten pretty serious. He wants to cut it off because people are giving him a hard time that our kids will be related to my ex.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Does your boyfriend agree with the other people's opinions or is the problem that he feels that doing what they want will be an easy way to stop hearing them say what he doesn't like hearing?Talk through whether he actually believes what the others are telling him or figures that complying will make them stop bothering him.Once the two of you understand what, if any, the differences are in the opinions you each have on the double relationship status, you'll be more clear whether the differences can be aligned somehow.
Topic: relationships

Question: I just feel so alone
I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?

Answer (from Sally HighMake The Return Back To Self):
We feel alone because we are not comfortable with being our self. When you find that nobody is around do you feel alone? Your never alone. Once you take the journey to really understand who you are and unconditionally loving all that is you, there will never be an alone moment. We seek outside of self to fill inside. This is the big lie of the planet. All you need and have ever needed you supply yourself. www.lifecounselingorlando.com
Topic: behavioral-change

Question: Why do I have dramatic mood swings?
One moment, I'm happy, and then a tiny thing happens and I feel so hurt and awful that I can't handle anything. I cry and cry, then next morning, I'm happy. I'm so confused.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Probably there are deeper, more delicate topics beneath the surface.If people don't address their pain, despair, shame, fears, and instead store them up, eventually the pile up leads to the situation you describe.Give yourself the time to reflect on who you are, your priorities, values, people who may have injured your feelings in the past.The greater your self-understanding becomes, the less likely some small, insignificant matter has the chance to topple the house of cards.
Topic: intimacy

Question: How can I tell if my spouse had sex with a prostitute?
My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?

Answer (from Shelly Kessingerwww.friendswoodmarriagecounseling.com):
Unfortunately, you will never know the true answer. This is really frustrating to hear, but you will never 100% be able to guarantee that he has given you the truth. So if you can, work on accepting that, breathing through that,He may not fully remember, he may have lied to you in the past or he is lying now. He may have been honest then or he may be honest not. As for options, you can talk to him and provide a safe space for him to tell you what happened. This could be a private conversation with you or at a counseling session. He would need to feel safe to tell you the truth. But remember, there are no guarantees. You would need to make a decision to trust him or not. And go from there. A couples counselor can help guide that conversation, and make sure that he is feeling safe to share. More important than if he actually had sex or not, I would evaluate your relationship. Do you trust him now? Were there trust issues before? Does he hide things now? Identifying your current trust levels will be important for having a healthy relationship now. Hope this helps, even if it is frustrating to not have guarantees.
Topic: anger-management

Question: How do I not be angry all the time?
My roommate is a unapologetic person who doesn't care who she hurts. She never apologizes to me or my family. She made me lose my temper today to the point where I was using swear words in front of my mom and brother.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Must you keep this roommate in your life?If you've tried speaking with the person about your unhappiness to feel angry "all the time" , the problem has been going on for an extended amount of time and nothing changes, then the next step would be for both of you to part ways.It is possible each of you triggers the other in very deep and irrational ways on occasion.If the choice is to tolerate being triggered or to dissolve the relationship, then your decision is which of these two choices is better for you.Since you already know you don't like to be triggered, parting ways as soon as reasonably possible, seems the choice you prefer.Either choice is fine.  Let the decision depend on which way makes you feel life is livable and happy!