Search query: christmas sweaters sayings

Product: Amazon Essentials Women's Lightweight Long-Sleeve Cable Crewneck Sweater, Burgundy, XX-Large
Brand: Amazon Essentials
Color: Burgundy
Relevance: Substitute
Close-but-comfortable fit with easy movement
Lightweight and soft yarn
Crew neckline
An Amazon brand

Product: Jingle Me Balls: Sea Shenanigans, Book 6
Relevance: Irrelevant
What in the salty seas could be more important than presents at Christmas time?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Tis’ Christmas time on Mystical Isle, and just like the fat bastard in red, I’ve made a list and now I shall check it...twice. Yeah, twice. I might wear a diaper, but I’m not an arse.

Battle the human women in sweatpants and snow boots for electronics on Black Friday. Check.

Cover each palm tree in lights even though the Mermaids insist they look phallic. Check. By the way, what does phallic mean? Never mind. Check.

Moving on.

Weave a Christmas tale during family story time on the beach, have a family portrait made in the special sweaters I pilfered, and write a letter to Santa. I mean, fat bastard...Check.

Planning activities that may end in bloodshed. Check. That’s what I call a yuletide win, so check-check.

The Mermaids have baked lovely Christmas cookies that will go wonderfully with the rum in my diaper. And everyone has voted to veto caroling since Pirate Doug has a singing voice that can kill...literally. The present exchange would be ruined if everyone was dead. Could my days be merrier or brighter? Uh, no. Check.

It seems I have everything under control and Christmas on Mystical Isle will be unforgettable, or I’m not the Well-Hung God of the Sea, Poseidon.

And I am. Check.

Product: Women's Sequin Snowman Christmas Sweater - Gray Snowflake Embellished Christmas Sweater: Small
Brand: Tipsy Elves
Color: Sequin Snowman (Grey)
Relevance: Exact
Why build a snowman outside when you can have one made out of sequins on your sweater? This cute sequined snowman Christmas sweater will save you the frost bite and keep you jolly all season long.
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TACTFULLY TACKY With wild and imaginative embellishment on these Ugly Christmas Sweaters, you’re sure to be the life of the party at whatever holiday party you end up at, even if you weren’t invited!
HOLIDAY CARD READY Step up your greeting card photo game this year. Make your outfit picture perfect from all angles and match with the people you hold closest. With multiple styles and designs to choose from, the whole family will be ready and matching in no time.
SNUG AND STYLISH With Tipsy Elves’s incredible cozy and snug Modern Tailored Fit, these aren’t your grandma’s Ugly Christmas Sweaters! You’ll look so good this year, Santa will have no choice but to put you on the Good List.
COMFY COZY CUTE Our Ugly Christmas Sweaters for Women are perfect for staying warm and cozy this holiday season. Great for layering or wearing on it’s own, stay comfortable even if the rest of your family makes the holidays awkward.