Parenthood And Coding: Mix, Don't Mingle
Tags: programming, parenthood, career, advice
Published: 2019-09-09 06:39:12

---
title: Parenthood And Coding: Mix, Don't Mingle 
published: true
description: This post is my warning for coders that are parents as well. If you want to code towards your dreams give it the attention it deserves.
tags: programming, parenthood, career, advice
cover_image: https://thepracticaldev.s3.amazonaws.com/i/hf0fi4rvt0zqt7xpamow.jpg
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---

Being turned down by one of the latest developer communities felt like a heart-sting, but mixing parenthood and coding can sometimes result in that.
I spent over 2 hours working on three C# development tasks but It wasn't the fact THAT I spent them, but WHEN I spent them.

You see, I'm a seasoned developer with over fifteen years of development experience. I have gone from being a junior web developer to becoming a veteran one, went off to develop mobile apps (first native, then cross-platform) and finally got hooked on developing and positioning digital products as the Tech Lead at a startup.

Now, being 38 years of age, I wanted to go and built my own dream: creating my own company that provides value through product and consultancy. Where the consultancy is merely a way to sustain my financial aspects and to buy me time to work on my own stuff. 
So recently, I started that dream. I did so by starting at another company as a part-time team lead developer (3 days a weak), leaving 2 days for working on my own company in combination with parenting.

But, coming back to the beginning of my story, the vetting process of the awesome online community that bears assignments from other people that fit into my remote consultancy mindset perfectly, consisted out of coding 3 assignments online to see if I'm a good quality developer.
I was naive, nej, presumptuous enough, to think I could do them while my kids were playing in the back garden and my youngest kiddo sleeping in her bed.

Boy did I make a mistake with that. Besides the small interruptions and interactions that kids bring along, my mind just couldn't focus enough on the assignments. My kids were really sweet but there is something to parenthood that I didn't really get up till now: when your kids are around, you'll always have one internal thread running that checks if your kids are around.

And it was this "parenting thread" as I call it, which I'm utterly grateful for, that prevented me from correctly finishing the three tasks and getting myself into the community's program.

So what I've learned? I love my wife and kids and I love to work at my dream. But there is a place and time for both to get my dedication and focus. And mingling my attention or even just not being there for them entirely does both of my passions wrong in ways that I do not want to come across anymore.

![The community](https://thepracticaldev.s3.amazonaws.com/i/7j4s3tfjpbl89eaofrud.jpg)

And the community? 

I send them an email which stated that I understand and respect their vetting process and that their community deserves and needs focus and dedication.

For me, I know that as long as I provide my company with focus and attention at the right time, I'll be crushing it - even if it is without jobs from the community I was aiming for.

Take care and I wish for you that you can put in all the focus and dedication that your development career and your family, deserve.