Nevertheless, Lindsey Coded
Tags: wecoded
Published: 2019-03-08 15:22:51

---
title: Nevertheless, Lindsey Coded 
published: true
tags: shecoded
---
In the past month alone, here are some of the things I've experienced:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Quick Tip for being inclusive to women in tech: if you&#39;re teaching HTML/CSS, please do not use a woman without makeup as HTML and a woman with makeup as CSS. Because styling is required for almost any app, it implies that makeup is *required.* Thx for coming to my Ted Talk.</p>&mdash; Lindsey Kopacz (@littlekope0903) <a href="https://twitter.com/littlekope0903/status/1096038008451723264?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 14, 2019</a></blockquote>

An actual response I got from a man who was trying to empathize, but first questioning my experience.

![Tweet with the text: Do people actually say that?? Woww, that’s so wrong and demeaning. It’s more like the architecture of a house vs the interior and exterior design.](https://thepracticaldev.s3.amazonaws.com/i/ydfbn38ezjttwbgj7ou6.png)

There was this gem where I quote tweeted a man I agreed with

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Just yesterday I was told that my experience as a woman in tech happens to both men and women. Y’all need to stop minimizing experiences for your own damn ego.<a href="https://t.co/VjWvA4LWOI">https://t.co/VjWvA4LWOI</a></p>&mdash; Lindsey Kopacz (@littlekope0903) <a href="https://twitter.com/littlekope0903/status/1099338457460154369?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 23, 2019</a></blockquote>

To which I got this response and I immediately blocked.

![Tweet with the text: Women in tech are raging bitches! They all act super nice, and they they flip out on you for the smallest most restarted things because they demand that you're perfect like their White Privilege boyfriend because their pampered.. I'm sorry I'm not as good as your dad.](https://thepracticaldev.s3.amazonaws.com/i/mbtrum7hoi4c01ipr76e.jpg)

I definitely appreciate having a day dedicated to celebrating women, but I feel like a lot of it gets to be "Rah Rah Women, let's support them" without any of the real experiences that many of us face every single day. 

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">The amount of men who assumed a badass front end woman who knows JS and began mansplaining what ‘this’ is.... is not shocking but also super angering. <a href="https://t.co/r1TBVDlxza">https://t.co/r1TBVDlxza</a></p>&mdash; Lindsey Kopacz (@littlekope0903) <a href="https://twitter.com/littlekope0903/status/1102170538036875265?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 3, 2019</a></blockquote>

Of course there was a man who brings in the typical "why you gotta make it about gender" thing:
![Tweet with the text: Not every critique is mansplaining. Why bring a person's gender into the conversation?](https://thepracticaldev.s3.amazonaws.com/i/gk9kzh7usl5d56s2yhcj.png)


We have coping mechanisms. A lot of times I use humor to cope. For example, to the whole "why bring gender into the conversation" I quote tweeted the above tweet (you can't see it because I blocked him):

![Tweet with the text: Well, actually... quote tweeted the above Not every critique is mansplaining comment.](https://thepracticaldev.s3.amazonaws.com/i/kcd96f3w50g1yj3qiwzw.png)

I had to block this guy because he had no right to my time:

![Tweet with the text: Men don’t get to determine what the definition of mansplaining is. I also don’t owe you an answer or my time. In the meantime, you’re getting blocked because I need to go to the gym and your notifications are bs and distracting. Bye, Donny!](https://thepracticaldev.s3.amazonaws.com/i/1s5rm860y2ujguzfcx3d.png)

The response to his tweet about me ignoring him was particularly false and offensive.

![Tweet with the text: These people are the nerds speaking like Wookies outside the convention. Everyone is sick of their negative identity poison. They are mini Smolletts, looking to get that victim currency. Don't pay. They don't have real arguments, just more of what you're already getting.](https://thepracticaldev.s3.amazonaws.com/i/pf9f0louxjup9w0rqd9f.png)


We block, mute, ignore, so please don't even bother giving me or any woman that suggestion as if it's that easy. Words hurt and sometimes defaulting to ignoring the behavior allows the offender to continue their toxic behavior. They probably will not change, but they know they can't get away with it for me. Any time the women in tech put ourselves out there, we are putting ourselves at risk. Especially the brave women who stand up to toxic masculinity.

I thankfully have more people who support me than don't, but I really wish people would realize how much their words matter, even the ones who mean well. 

## I started/continued to code in 2019 because...
I wanted to create things. I wanted to help others. I wanted to make an impact. I want to have a salary that allows me to save for the future. 

## I deserve credit for...
- How quickly I pick up new things. I've only been writing tests for 3 months, and my boss told me how much he loved how comprehensive they are. I usually grow at exponential speed.
- How well I can engage with the community.
- How much effort I put into self-improvement and helping others

## I hope to see my work/developer/tech community...
Actually, care about women, invest in inclusion efforts instead of just tokenizing them and asking them to speak at your event. Have a CoC for their conferences, Slack groups, and events.