Isolation and community
Tags: beginners, codenewbie, personal, community
Published: 2019-04-04 08:43:05

---
title: Isolation and community
published: true
description: 
tags: beginners, codenewbie, personal, community
---

I had a blessed introduction into this field, so I'm a bit delayed in discovering how isolating it can feel - but boy, it's hitting me recently. This post isn't necessarily about coding but maybe more about the university experience, so I'm not sure that this is the right venue for it - but I still feel like writing it is worthwhile for me.

Over the summer I took a 12 week intensive course, and despite going in with fears that everyone else would be stereotypical 'computer guys' lacking social skills and I wouldn't connect with anyone, that didn't eventuate. In fact, of the nine students who finished the course seven were women, and by the end of the semester the whole class felt like friends (or to some extent like we'd been through a war together :sweat_smile:)

At the end of that course, while chatting with our teacher he mentioned that at least our further studies (seven of us continued to the follow-up course, which is more of a typical University experience) would be less intense. I suppose that in terms of sheer hours required that's been the case, but I've found this semester so far much more stressful. The summer course was one cohesive unit, so the workload was balanced and controlled by a single teacher as opposed to the times now when four lecturers set assignments due at the same time - as well as the fact that the practical, coding assignments over the summer were much more enjoyable and felt more relevant than writing research reports and giving presentations.

What's really making it feel harder for me, though, is the loss of the camaraderie of my summer course-mates. Helping each other and commiserating through the tough parts was hugely more comfortable than showing up at lectures, sitting in silence, then leaving alone. I realised last week that there have been many days where I didn't have a single reciprocal human interaction - to the point where being asked for directions on campus was a highlight of my day.

As a shy person, I find it hard to know how to counteract this situation, especially at this point in the semester - maybe in the first week it makes sense to start up a conversation with someone new, but not so much half-way through. I feel an extra level of inadequacy as most of my classmates have completed a full CS degree rather than the 12 week course I did, so I'm constantly doubting my usefulness.

The reason this is on my mind tonight in particular is that I had my first experience of feeling like a part of the 'I.T. community' tonight. While I was working on an assignment at Starbucks, a man who'd seen what I was working on came up to me asking if I was a web developer. He was a self-taught student, complete with a textbook in his hand. We had a chat (after I disabused him of the notion that I know anything) about how hard it is to learn things in such a broad field, and about the scariness of the job market, among other things. It was so nice to feel less alone in this journey for a while, even if we're taking different paths.

Being a failboat, I didn't write down his name or get his contact details, but: if you're reading this, man from Starbucks in Hamilton, I believe in you! And thanks for helping me believe in myself just a bit more as well.