Reflecting on My First Week on My New Journey
Published: 2019-10-07 01:49:21

So, I have just finished my first week of coding school! Unfortunately, I was unable to be there for the entirety of the 40 hours this week. To come to this coding school, I had quit my job (in Tahlequah, OK), fled some personal relationships that were not supportive of my decision to go back to school, my car had broken down (it totaled itself from the inside out), and my roommate situation wasn't as smooth and... how do you say it? "happy go lucky" as I thought it would be.

Fortunately, I had gotten a place to stay that is a 30-minute walk from school, I had recovered from being sick, and my roommate situation had resolved itself. Yay! My head is back above water! Right? I sure hope so. I had started to wonder if I had made the right decisions to get where I am at. I realized that I had to stop looking at everything that was throwing a wrench in my gears and start looking towards the sun. I had to let go of this romanticization of "if I was meant to be here, and do this, that everything would just fall together and work out in the end". My escapism from anxiety was unrealistic, and I fully acknowledge that I will probably see many more wrenches thrown my way.

Before my feelings of triumph, I lost confidence for a moment. I was starting to wonder: how much more could I really take? I looked around, and really, is there anywhere else to go but up?! I'm here! it's manageable, and the only things that could bring me down are things that I entirely have power over. Even if I had a broken leg... deep down, I know my classmates are so supportive. Someone out there would detour a mile out of their way to come to get me. I am so very grateful for them, and I can't wait to meet them more! Great friendships are coming, I know it.

As I'm writing this, I must admit that I have a heavy heart. Earlier in this blog, I had mentioned that my roommate's arrangement didn't work out as I had hoped. I try not to wear my heart on my sleeve, but, there's really no other way that I can be true to myself without being real in my writings. My (ex)roommate moved with me from Tahlequah. His name is Nick, and we have been best friends since we sat by each other on the first day of sophomore year in high school. Together, along with another friend named Sharon, met for lunch almost every single day. My two amigos and I went to the Vex Robotics World Championships to compete. We spent nearly every day, after school, in the robotics building until 5pm. (Shout out to Doctor Calvin Cole for dedicating so much time to us!)

Unfortunately, all of that time together years ago couldn't prepare us for the growing apart that had crept up on us without warning. I really wish there was another way to separate, but circumstances and boundaries had led us down a path that wasn't pretty, causing us to sever our friendship almost certainly for good. I'll always carry these memories and this friendship with me and see the best of times, but I know I had to walk away to move forward.

I was happy to bring him along for this coding/tech adventue, but life had other plans, and that's OK! I get to learn how to stand on my own two feet alone, and I am excited about that experience.

Now! Going forward, I attempting to attain a waitressing or carhop job in the afternoon, and one of my dear friends is willing to sell his old car to me for cheap. Walking is still a valid option, but if I am working, I need to get around a little faster for more hours and less fatigue. Regardless, I am super ready the future!

I am facing all of my challenges head-on (or, well, you know, I'm trying to.) I know that my coping skills could use some healthy exercise, and I'm only learning and growing for a brighter future; not only in code, but also life in general.

I am so very blessed, thankful, and in aw of all of the love, support, and opportunity I have been given.

I will be proud to say that this experience is one of growth, that I built primarily with my own two hands.

Thank you guys for reading. I'll see you next week!