comfortable exposure
Tags: imposter, personal, lifedev, mentalhealth
Published: 2020-05-22 06:36:17

   I feel like I should start by admitting how little I know. I think everyone should probably start from there, even if they were an authority. A lot of us have such a treacherous and deep relationship with imposter syndrome. In my mind its almost a requirement. It's funny how many years I have sat on here or some other blog site and wrote posts just to sit in my drafts. I seem to even have imposter syndrome when it comes to participating in my own thoughts. Unlike most of my peers, I have always had heavy reservations about exposure. I grew up a musician and even throughout that I had little to no presence when it came to exposure, advertisement, or general hype. I dont believe it's because I think little of myself. I may even have an ego to believe my ideas or views are that different from anyone else's on the planet that steering clear from exposure is somehow preserving a fragile world or avoiding mistakes. There are no stakes. I have a decade of audio engineering with no success to show for it. Almost three decades of piano and I would rather not tell people I even play. There is this thing that I think is inside all of us. It's connected to the idea of imposter syndrome, but even more so I think it's connected to the ideas of progress...progress and fear. We all know we prefer comfort and stability, and we are very aware that the only constant in life is change. But it seems to me we choose to hide from it. 
![Alt Text](https://dev-to-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/i/ube5lipm9cz7bw03kz5p.PNG)

I'm not really a car guy. 

   I mean sure I like expensive cars, and by expensive I guess I just mean aren't complete pieces of trash waiting for a junk yard. but you know. Luxury things. Shiny things.Things that smell like leather. But when you buy a car whether it's a million dollars or a thousand there really is only one choice being made. It's do you want to feel the road or not? You can buy a car that has visceral handling, but it requires you be endlessly informed of every divot and hiccup in the roads pavement, never a moment without a hand on the wheel, or you can buy a car for comfort, a hot air balloon that glides over any inconstancy you may find on your journey. Do you want to have control? and be responsible for captaining? or do you want to be comfortable? there is no in-between. To choose the middle is to expose yourself to boths shortcomings more than to imbue you with eithers strengths. And I think this all has a lot to deal with the arrest of indecision inside of me, and probably all of us. Because as I said. I'm not very special in any which way. And most likely share a fairly commonly held viewpoint as plenty of other humans. So why bother putting it down. We can be comfortable, or we can be informed. but we cant do both. 

   To write something down is to see it. To know it better than you did the moment before last. It is a form of excision, contemplation, meditation. And only through careful consideration does anyone develop anything of worth on this planet. Rarely do the reckless have a message. To speak to something is to speak to knowledge. To challenge the well. To captain. To stay silent is to stay comfortable in the static shell. Because we all know. It's all changing, whether we feel it or not.