Four Lesser Known Console Methods
Tags: javascript, webdev
Published: 2021-08-23 02:16:45

---
title: Four Lesser Known Console Methods
published: true
date: 2021-08-23 02:04:48 UTC
tags: JS,WebDev
canonical_url: https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/4-lesser-known-console-methods/
---

 ![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/lesser-known-cover.png)

The old saying goes, "Show me a developer who doth develops, and I'll show you a console doth log."

> Show me a developer who doth develops, and I'll show you a console doth log

You are likely all too familiar with the [`console.log()` method](https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web/API/console/log) that outputs a message based on the arguments passed to it, and you might even know other console methods like `table`, `dir`, `error`, `time`, and so on.

But this post is taking an even deeper dive into four console methods that are so little known, they very well might not exist.

## 1. `console.encourage()`

Does your code got you down? Giving you bugs, when what you really need is a break. Try `console.encourage()`. This method outputs inspiring affirmations to the console to help you debug, de-stress, and just get you through that next line of code.

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/encourage1-1.jpg)

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/encourage2-1.jpg)

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/encourage3-1.jpg)

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/encourage4-1.jpg)

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/encourage5-1.jpg)

## 2. `console.hack()`

<iframe width="200" height="150" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2efhrCxI4J0?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Real devs know hacking scenes in the movies are totally fake. I'm looking at you _Hackers_ and [_Jurassic Park_](https://jurassicsystems.com/)_._  But you don't need to enter the mainframe, "enhance enhance," or even guess the password on the first try. Instead, just use `console.hack(target)`. With this method, enter the person or institution you want to hack as the argument,  aka the target, and the method will log a super secrets object to the screen.

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/hack1-1.jpg)

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/hack2-1.jpg)

## 3. `console.procrastinate()`

Distracted? Preoccupied? Not in the mood to work? Don't just procrastinate, but procrastinate _productively_ by dropping everything to start a massive side project. Sure, you could use Google Sheets to create that spreadsheet, but wouldn't the experience be better if you built a slightly improved (but probably worse) Google Sheets clone?

`console.procrastinate()` helps you get there by giving you the ideas you need to do a wholly different deed.

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/procrastinate0.jpg)

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/procrastinate2.jpg)

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/procrastinate1.jpg)

![Four Lesser Known Console Methods](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2021/08/procrastinate3.jpg)

BTW, see my tutorial, "[The Complete Guide to the Dark Mode Toggle](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/dark-mode/)"

[![Dark Mode](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/content/images/2020/11/DarkMode-r.jpg)](https://ryanfeigenbaum.com/dark-mode)

## 4. `consoul.log()`

The developer spends all day telling the computer what to do, while it sits there judging you either with a stack trace or a blinking cursor that counts your continued dawdling. Straddling this abyss of human error and ennui stands the eternal existential question: Who am I really?

Rather than ponder this question with the philosophers, you can just use the console method, `consoul.log(targetSoul)`, passing yourself or another mortal as the argument. The method will respond in the form of an emoji (lookup table provided below). Please, use this method with caution!

### Soul Lookup Table

| Symbol | Meaning |
| --- | --- |
| 💀 | You dead |
| 👻 | You're a ghost |
| 🤖 | You're a bot |
| 🦑 | You're the Kraken |
| 👽 | You're a weirdo |
| 💩 | You're not a great person |
| 🤬 | You're passionate about password security |
| 🤡 | You're a creeper |
| 🥸 | You're in incognito mode |
| 😱 | You're really into Edvard Munch |
| 🤐 | You're Edward Scissorhands |
| 💎 | You're diamond hands |
| 🤤 | You've just had dental work. You shouldn't be using heavy machine learning |

That's it, folks. With these new methods in your pocket, you'll be console logging so much and so voraciously, everyone in the office will start calling you the lumberjack.