Pandemic brain
Published: 2021-01-24 12:06:00

I joined balena from a startup company where I was the CTO, and the technical architect....and the lead developer.....and technical pre-sales....and directly involved with convincing the investors to keep investing to keep the company afloat. Back then I couldn't think long term. I had to fix that bug to keep the customer happy else they refused to pay. I had to design and develop yet another solution to yet another use case that the customer HAD to have, or they would refuse to pay. The very most I could ever think about, was getting through the next day.

When I joined balena it took me at least 6 months to allow my brain to think long term. balena practice "short term pain for long term gain", or let's do the right thing and solve for the future rather than just the quick win that we have to re-fix later. Several times I would see a problem and propose a quick fix, as was my conditioned mentality, only to be told the real solution was a much bigger piece of work. I needed patience, and I needed long-term thinking.

## Healing and unlearning
With enough time and the empathetic guidance of great colleagues I was able to let go of that need to fix the now. I focused my attention on some long term pieces of work such as [balenaBlocks](https://www.balena.io/blog/introducing-balenablocks-jumpstart-your-iot-app-development/), and found/made my place in the company mission.

## A return to short-term thinking
However, recently I have realised I've reverted back to old habits. Twice in the past couple of weeks those same empathic colleagues have had to point out that I'm trying to solve a problem now, not build the product that solves that and many other problems later. So why has this happened?

### Pandemic mentality
After giving it some thought, I realised that the current world situation has caused me to think in short timeframes. On the Sunday the prime minister says the children will go to school. On the Monday evening he closes all the schools. One day my wife's business is running. The next day it has to close again. One day someone I love is healthy. The next day they are not.

My brain is back to just thinking about 1 day at a time. Actually sometimes it's been as granular as thinking about the next couple of hours. How do I have that meeting, whilst helping two children home school? How do I concentrate on the bug I'm figuring out, when my elderly neighbours are unable to get a food delivery?

### A need for quick wins
It's not just me. I've heard a number of colleagues say "I need a quick win" recently. Dopamine is in short supply after multiple national lockdowns and social isolation. Sources of fun have reduced: the pubs are closed, the shops are shut, leisure activities are now not allowed. I almost can't remember taking the children swimming. Long gone are the days of wandering through a town and spontaneously stopping somewhere for some food. Holidays...ha!

I'm not at all surprised that my brain is jumping to short term yay over short term pain. I've plenty of pain. My brain is swimming in it. I guess it's a form of [bounded rationality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bounded_rationality): something seems like the right thing to do, when my mentality is about survival in the now.

## And so, what to do?
Step one is done: I've reflect and noticed the thought patterns. I can't change the situation I'm in, so the only avenue for progress is to try and periodically remind myself of the goal and how I participate with my daily work. balena do a good job of communicating the mission, and have lately worked hard to break it down into multiple sagas. The [hub](hub.balena.io) is one of those sagas, and I know how to add to that story. I need to make sure I keep talking to colleagues, and recount the sagas. Our tribal ancestors used gatherings around the fire to recount stories and jointly sing songs. That practice of story telling and syncing keeps the tribe together, and deepens the impression of the future they are building.

We also need to "find the fun". It's a phrase I say to my children so often they now eyeroll at it. But it's true: no day is perfect. Perfect isn't real. But whatever the day brings, there is fun to be found. Rain means jumping in puddles. A lockdown means we build a slide in the garden.

There is no reason that work can't or shouldn't be fun. In fact, I think it's an imperative. People shouldn't need to find a quick win for that dopamine hit. We should make the time to laugh together and turn the short term pain into part of the game. If I had a big mound of shit to dig, the worst thing I could do is moan about it. Instead I would need to turn it into a game. Let's compete over who can dig the most shit in a day. Let's throw the shit into the wheelbarrow from the top of the pile. Let's sing silly songs about digging shit, do some dad dancing and make a shit castle complete with flag. Let's turn our spades into shit sledges. 

If we find a way to smile and laugh while we dig, one day there will be no more shit.

Peace out.