Confessions of an addict: Just a few lines...
Tags: watercooler, writing, story
Published: 2020-10-28 07:13:00

Just a few lines...

That other night I was struggling. I felt an urge to write some code. I hadn’t written any during the day. Barely during the week. Am I a developer or what? How can it be that I don’t even write code every day? Well, at least I read some while investigating a problem. Of course, the code was not of good quality, it was pure legacy with all of its connoted meaning. At least it was some code. Some decent procedural code disguised in an enormous function of a god-like object.

But I am so tired, I thought. And why in the end? Why should I scribble down a few lines? I wouldn’t create anything meaningful, I wouldn't help anyone. I wouldn’t work on something interesting either. I would probably write some other dumb scripts not really solving any important issues or I would just push through another [clash of code](https://www.codingame.com/multiplayer/clashofcode).

Nothing that would be a result of careful thinking. Nothing with a good design. No TDD, heck, no tests at all! No best practices applied... Nothing fancy like that. Just some low-quality code for the sake of pushing out some instructions into the interpreter. Yeah, into the interpreter. That's faster to write.

Is it really worth it?

I should go to bed. [Ben Hardy](https://benjaminhardy.com/want-more-confidence-go-to-bed-1-hour-earlier/) also said so. Go to bed earlier so you’ll not do the same shit that you'd do every night, no destructive consumption. If you stay up, you would fall for your harmful habits like usually when you are so tired. Playing some console game until late. Binge-watching some meaningless series rinsed with soda. Drinking a six pack, or just sitting in the room with a needle in the hand. Or maybe writing some meaningless code until dawn. Or whatever.

I knew if I started, I wouldn't finish it quickly, I wouldn’t stop just after a few small problems. My brain will be spinning around the idea of coding and it would impact my sleep and even my early morning. The next morning, possibly the next day would be flushed down on the toilet.

I opened up the dashboard of my preferred online coding challenge platform and I could almost feel touching the keys with the tips of my fingers. I went out to the balcony just in my trunks and in an old Hacktoberfest T-shirt that I often sleep in. It was 6 degrees Celsius and raining cats and dogs.

Again, for the second time in a week.

I felt the cold humid air on my bare legs and the battle in the heart. Should I go to bed or to code? Maybe just a bit?

I stepped inside and closed the door behind me.

I had a look on the clock and then on the dashboard. I sent my laptop to sleep mode, just like myself.

I could only think about the code, the standings for a couple of minutes, then I fell asleep.

I got up at 4:17 AM. 

I was dreaming that I was getting a massage. I thought it was a bit strong and it was focusing too much at the same points right on the spine just below the neck. Then I woke up. It was my 2 year-old son kicking me in the back while sleeping.

I stood up and went to pee.

A new day was just about to start with maybe - just maybe - some new opportunities to code. At least to solve some quick challenges sitting in the dark living room...

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