How an Assessment to Help With Work Helped Me Understand My Wife
Tags: conflict, workinggenius, perspective, conflictresolution
Published: 2021-11-12 13:58:15

---
title: How an Assessment to Help With Work Helped Me Understand My Wife
published: True
date: 2021-11-12 13:46:09 UTC
tags: conflict,workinggenius,perspective,conflictresolution
canonical_url: https://medium.com/@bass41992ben/how-an-assessment-to-help-with-work-helped-me-understand-my-wife-cf8f47451c4a
---

![](https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1024/0*wYnsDzPIlYvVsiQU)
_Photo by Hassan Pasha on Unsplash_

Conflict is not my forte. For some people they love conflict because conflict means you are moving through something to something better, hopefully. For me, I struggle with not taking it personally.

But this assessment I have been referring too, The Working Genius, has helped me to put language to what typically happens within my marriage conflict/arguments.

#### The Typical Argument

The Working Genius of Wonder means that I like to think of ideas. I like to dream. I like to think of possibilities. But it also means that my head is a lot of times, ‘in the clouds’, so to speak. That does not mean that it is wrong to think that way but I have to recognize that not everyone does.

The Working Genius of Discernment means you evaluate the ideas of others. You are giving to them, serving them, helping them by walking through their idea to see if it is a good one or has merit to it. That does not mean merit in the sense of the idea itself but if it is worth implementing.

_I will use wonderers and discerners as the terms for these geniuses from this point forward._

For a discerner it can be really hard to talk with a wonderer because the wonderer is pondering, dreaming, speculating, and so on. The wonderer is not presenting complete ideas ready for evaluation, most of the time.

For the wonderer it can be really hard to talk with a discerner because it feels like their ideas are being attacked and that they cannot dream of possibilities. It is critically important for the wonderer to know that the discerner is helping and serving _NOT_ trying to tear their idea apart.

**Marriage ‘Conflicts’**

Most of our marriage conflicts begin at a root level of not understanding the other person.

The language of this assessment has helped my wife understand each other better. I am the wonderer. She is the discerner.

**_✨ There is no more value in one genius than the other ✨_**

In fact, I would say I value her genius more than my own because she helps me to make decisions based off of quick thoughts. She helps me evaluate. But I have to remember that she is not attacking my ideas. She is wanting to help me think through them and evaluate them to know if they are to be acted upon.

Here is a practical example that is silly but helps understand the point:

Saying, “I would really like to live up North where it is colder more during the year,” is a terrifying statement to my discerning wife because she immediately starts to evaluate the idea by asking, “does he really mean that? If he does here are the 1264 things we need to think about.” Also, she loves warmer weather so there is that 😂

#### For The Workplace

The point of this assessment is that teams and organizations would know how to work better together more effectively and efficiently and as a result have greater joy and understanding in the workplace.

People think differently, that is no surprise. But for some reason when it comes to work, our definition of work has been very limited. You either do your task the defined way or find a different job. This has changed some but I think it has predominantly changed in the form of leniency on the job. Mostly this means we move people around until we find a good fit for them but why not find someplace that would be the best fit for them from the start.

I think we can move that direction and The Working Genius is really driving that effort.

If you are interested in learning more about the Working Genius, you can go to their [website](https://www.workinggenius.com/). They also have a [podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-working-genius-podcast-with-patrick-lencioni/id1553105854?uo=4&ls=1&at=11lEW&ct=1kf40s%7Cworkinggenius.com) that explains the different types and walks through what it looks like for the different types at work while removing some common misconceptions about the different types.