Mentee tools: Make the Most of Being Mentored!
Published: 2023-10-10 08:51:02

In this series of articles about mentorship, **we’ve been talking a lot about mentor tips** to bring their 1 on 1 to the next level.  

But, **what about you, mentee?** Are you working side by side with a mentor and want to make the most of this mentorship? If so, this article is for you! 

If you are a mentee, there is a lot you can do to speed up your growth during this shared journey with your mentor. 

> **Mentorship is like two friends rowing in a boat: if both of you row coordinated in the same direction, you’ll get further and faster!** 

So, I’ll give you **6 tips** to make the most of your trip. Let's start! 

**1. Know yourself**

Take the time to think about: 

- **what you like** (or don’t like) 
- **what motivates you** the most (and what doesn’t) 
- **what you are good at** (and also not that good at).  

With that information, you’ll be able to discuss with your mentor the growth opportunities that better match your interests and abilities within your company. And you’ll probably make more progress, as **you’ll be putting your efforts into something that you like or shine at**. 

E.g., If you know that you are interested in mobile programming, you can set a year goal to join a React Native internal project or take a course on this technology. If you don’t take your time to think about your interests, maybe you’ll end up learning about AWS, which is a great topic and your mentor's favorite one, but **you won’t do what you really want to or are more skilled for**.  

**Getting to know oneself is a lifelong journey**, and maybe your motivations and interests can change as time goes by. But here are some things you can do to start working on it: 

- **Make a list** of what you enjoy working on/what you are good at before setting goals and making decisions. 
- **Ask some teammates** about what they think are your strong/weak points at work. Don’t treat this information as definitive, though. The most important thing is that you do what you feel. But having an external point of view can give you some valuable information. 
- **Recall past experiences** in your professional career to find out what motivated you the most. 
- **Face new experiences**. You can join a new team, change projects (if possible), or start a course on something new. Try new things to find out what you like/are good at. 

**2. Ask for help** 

During your career progression, you’ll find out that **sometimes you need help**.  
 
Maybe you need some help to solve a bug or some support to handle your stress when public speaking. I know **it is sometimes difficult to ask for help, it can make us feel vulnerable or too exposed**. Or maybe we are afraid of not meeting our mentor’s expectations. But if you want your mentor to help you on the way, you should openly ask for help. So, I encourage you to do it when you need it!  

One way to do this is to **express how you feel before asking for help**. Here is an example: 

> “_I’m worried_ about not meeting your expectations, but I need your help with…”
 
Asking for help this way will help you **build a stronger relationship with your mentor** and foster open communication from now on. Give it a try! 

**3. Ask questions** 

This is very straightforward. **If you’ve got any questions, just ask.** Try not to remain with the uncertainty of an unanswered question.  

> “How do you think I’m doing with my goals?” 

> “Do you think I can get a promotion this year with the progress I’m making?”
  
**Having these questions or others in your head will only distract you from your real purpose.** Although I know it is sometimes hard, try to overcome the fear of asking. You probably won’t be judged or misunderstood. But if you are, you’ll have made all that it is in your hand not to keep blocked by any uncertainty. 

If you are frightened of asking something, you can reuse the tip I gave you in the previous advice: **you can express how you are feeling before asking.** This way, probably your mentor will be extra comprehensive with your concerns. Here is an example: 

> “_I’m concerned_ about being too direct with this question, but this is really worrying me.”

Hope this tip works for you as it works for me! 

**4. Be proactive**

As a mentee, you’ll get help and guidance from your mentor, but **it should be you who takes the lead in your career progression**. It should be you the one to choose your goals, work on them, take a break when you need it during the journey and look for help if you need it. No one but you can do that, so start leading your way! 

Here are a couple of **practical ideas to be proactive in your mentorship**: 

- **Prepare your 1 on 1 with your mentor beforehand**. Reflect on what you want to achieve during this meeting and what help or answers you need. This way you’ll make the most of this valuable session. 

- **Offer to bring value without being asked**. Maybe you are a leadership expert because of your background and feel like sharing your knowledge with others. You can offer to do a workshop on that. Don’t wait until your mentor or someone else makes you a proposal. Maybe they even don’t know you’ve got that value to bring!  

**5. Say no**

We normally don’t hesitate to tell other people “yes” when they make a proposal or ask us to do something. In principle, there is no risk of disappointing someone else by doing that. But it is not the same when it comes to saying “no”. **“What if I don’t meet my mentor’s expectations?”** you could think. I understand your fear (and I still feel it sometimes) but saying “no” when you need it is _veeeery_ important. 

Maybe your mentor has thought about you leading a team and you still don’t feel prepared enough to assume this responsibility. In this case, it is really important to set boundaries and to be clear about what we can’t or don’t want to do. **Setting boundaries carries a lot of advantages** such as: 

- **Protecting your mental and emotional health** 
- **Fostering healthy relationships** by promoting mutual respect, trust, and understanding.  
- **Avoiding burnout and overwhelm** 

I know this is also hard to do. But next time you don’t feel like doing what someone is asking for, try to set boundaries with respect and assertiveness. **As much as you do it you’ll start feeling more comfortable with it**. 

Here you’ve got **some sentences you can use to set boundaries** in an assertive but firm way: 

> _I value your proposal_ but I’m not comfortable doing that. 

> _I’m grateful for getting this offer_, but to be honest I’m not ready to take it. 

> _I understand you need help_, but I have other priorities at the moment.
 
> _I appreciate your offer_ but I’m having a really busy time.
 
As you see, **it is useful to first express that you value or thank the proposal. Or to say you understand the other person’s needs**. This way your “no” will be assertive but also empathic and warmer. It will be easier for you to set boundaries this way and also easier for the other person to hear your decline. 

Also, maybe you are still not sure if you should accept or decline a proposal. In this case, **you don’t have to make a decision right away**. You can just say something like: “Thanks for your offer. I need to think about it. I’ll give you an answer as soon as possible” 

**6. Give feedback** 

I’m sure **you’ll have your own opinions** about a lot of things in your company. Some of them will be positive and some others not that much. In both cases, **I hardly recommend being transparent and sharing them with your mentor if needed**. It is the only way to go if you want your voice to be heard and things to be changed or maintained as they are. 

I know from my experience as a mentee that **this is sometimes not that easy**. Maybe you don’t want to disappoint your mentor, or you are afraid to be judged or misunderstood about your feedback.  

In that sense, **it is also important what your mentor does in terms of creating a [safe space](https://dev.to/one-beyond/mentor-tools-i-safe-space-54n6) for you to share**. And probably feeling comfortable enough will take some time. In the end, your mentor is someone who has something to say about you in the company. But **if you both have a trusting relationship, don’t hesitate to share thoughts and feelings with them**. 

Some examples of **things you can give feedback about** are: 

- **what you think about the project you are working on, your client, your team, your manager or even any aspect of the company**. If there is anything bothering you, probably your mentor can give a hand to solve it or at least give you support or advice. 

- **the 1 on 1 or your mentor itself**: e.g., you would like your one on ones to be less frequent. Or you feel your mentor is somehow pushing you to choose a goal you don’t want to work on. Although easier said than done, I really encourage you to be open and express your thoughts and feelings with empathy but also with all possible transparency. You can use the same sentences exposed in the previous tip to do it. 

Finally, if you need some **further ideas on how to give feedback**, I’ll write about this topic in a **future article**, so keep tuned to this series! 

And that’s all I can suggest getting the most out of your mentorship!  

Just as a final thought, **the success of your mentorship is not only in your hands. It will be really important how skilled your mentor is to lead it.** It will also be their responsibility to create a safe space, actively listen, give and receive feedback… But hopefully, you have a great mentor at your side with whom to row towards your professional goals!   

**See you in the next one!**