Five common patterns of the impostor syndrome
Tags: career
Published: 2023-08-10 05:09:18

Ten years ago I got my dream job. I joined Spotify in Sweden and forced my wife and my 5 years old daughter to move with me. It was my very first time abroad and to speak regularly in a language it was not mine and I was not really comfortable to speak.
As my first day ended I started thinking: what if they don't understand what I say, what if I passed the interviews by chance and they realise I am a fraud now? I will lose the job and put my family in a bad position.
All ended up to be ok but I spent the first two years in a very stressful situation without understanding I was experience something called the impostor syndrome.

## Good enough will never be good enough

"Perfect is the Enemy of Good Enough" - Eric Johns (October 1988)

I've lost count of how many times I've been praised with comments like "Good job!" or "Well done!" after presenting my work at the workplace. At first, I thought they were just trying to be encouraging and that my work wasn't actually that good. However, I was mistaken. They recognized the value in my work, a value that I couldn't appreciate because I was obsessed with perfection.

But what does perfection really mean? Is it even achievable? Can't we always strive to improve or try a different approach? So, instead of chasing perfection, why not aim for "good enough"? After all, it works well and deserves to be celebrated.

## I know it all, don't I?

We all have certain fields in which we feel like experts. Perhaps we were drawn to them since childhood, studied hard for a few years, or gained hands-on experience over time. We start to believe that we know everything about a particular field or subject, and we feel obligated to have an answer to every question.

However, when we encounter a question we struggle to answer or meet someone who knows more than us about a particular topic, we begin to doubt our expertise. We question our value and wonder if we were just fooling ourselves into thinking we were experts. These doubts can leave us feeling inadequate or even worthless.

The truth is, we don't need to be experts in any field of life, let alone all of them. There will always be someone who knows something we don't or has a different perspective, and that's okay. We also bring value to the table that others may not see.

So, let's stop holding back from contributing to discussions or projects just because we don't consider ourselves to be experts.

## I am a natural genius, am I not?

I'm not sure when I began to believe that because I saw myself as an expert in a particular field or highly knowledgeable, I needed to get everything right on the first try and provide immediate answers to any question. But isn't it better to acknowledge that I'm not a natural genius, and that nobody expects me to be one, yet still find value in my contributions?

Over time, I've experienced stress and anxiety when I couldn't give an answer or complete a task that I thought would be effortless. However, I've learned that using certain phrases can be helpful in such situations, and people still appreciate my time and the answers I eventually provide. For example:

* "I need more time to think about it."
* "Let me get back to you with a better answer."
* "This task requires more time than I initially thought."
* "On second thought, I need to step back and consider a different approach."

None of us are natural geniuses, and that's perfectly fine. Let's remain confident that with our skills, we'll be able to complete a task or provide a difficult answer – maybe not on the first try, but eventually. And those efforts will be appreciated by those around us.

## I don't need help, I can do it myself

We all experience being stuck in a task from time to time, and there can be many reasons why this happens, but one of the most common is the task's complexity, even if it seems simple to us. Often, the key to overcoming the block is to reach out to others and gain a fresh perspective. 

Personally, I have been stuck on some tasks before, but I was reluctant to ask for help. I didn't want to feel inferior or make others think less of me as an engineer. Consequently, I had to work long and hard hours to unblock myself, leading to anxiety and frustration. However, I now realize that this may not have been the best use of my time.

Reaching out to someone can be a positive step. First, you may learn a new way of looking at the task, or the person you reach out to might know about a new tool or a trick that can simplify the job. More importantly, it helps to build a relationship, and you might be surprised to learn that the person you ask for help can also learn something from you by listening to your findings so far and your approach to the problem. 

So, the next time you feel stuck on a task, don't hesitate to ask for help. You can learn something new, get unstuck, strengthen a relationship, and make someone's day better. 
It's a win-win situation!

## Don't worry I am super person

Sometimes I set my expectations too high and try to be the one who can solve everything quickly, even in areas where I am not as skilled as others. As a result, I end up working excessively and obsessing over my work, putting me at risk for burnout. This approach also strains my relationships and makes it difficult to enjoy life. I am driven by a desire to prove my worth and avoid being seen as inadequate.

I came to realize that I was overburdening myself when someone in a meeting pointed out that I was juggling multiple roles while still coding, which was unfair to me and detrimental to the project.

It's essential to ask ourselves whether we are taking on too much and whether we can be productive while focusing on fewer tasks. Rather than aiming for perfection in everything, it's better to focus on a few priorities and achieve them to the best of our ability without sacrificing our well-being.

## Closing

Now it is time to reflect. Do you see any pattern on what you do?
Managing expectations is a crucial aspect of work and life. By setting realistic expectations, we can avoid the stress and pressure of trying to be perfect all the time, and we can focus on what really matters. It's okay to ask for help, to take breaks, and to prioritize our well-being over our work sometimes. We should aim to be kind and compassionate to ourselves and to others, and to build strong relationships based on trust and respect. By doing so, we can achieve greater happiness, productivity, and fulfillment in all areas of our lives.