Mentor tools VI: First 1:1
Published: 2024-03-05 18:10:52

Is this your **first time mentoring** and you have your **first one on one coming up**? 

Or maybe you've been a mentor before but are just **starting to mentor a new partner**? 

In any of these cases, you may feel a bit of **concern or uncertainty**. This is normal, because the first contact with a new mentee is an **important moment** in the mentoring process:

- We begin to build the relationship of **trust** and the **[safe space](https://dev.to/one-beyond/mentor-tools-i-safe-space-54n6)**.
- We start to know their **motivations and expectations** regarding their professional growth.
- We begin to define what they will **need from us and/or the company** to achieve their goals.
- We establish the **basis of the mentoring relationship** (responsibilities, frequency and duration of the sessions...).

Therefore, I want to give you some **tips** to face this first 1:1.

## Before the 1:1

I recommend that before the first 1:1 you **gather information** from your new mentee:

- their **role** and **seniority**
- **professional background** (in your company but also previous)
- outstanding **skills** and **achievements**
- **areas for improvement**
- **relationship with colleagues and clients**
- **project/area** in which they work

All this you can extract from several **sources**, for example:

- their **manager**, a **co-worker**, their **previous mentor**. 
- **documentation** about their performance (their latest **Performance Review, Peer Feedback, Manager Assessment** or any other document with updated information).

This information will be useful for you to  gain **context** about your mentee. However, along with the objective data you get, such as their role or seniority, you will probably receive more **subjective information**, such as evaluations about their way of being or their relationships with other colleagues.

I advise you to **be cautious** with this information, especially if it is not positive information. It is important to keep in mind that **each of us brings our own subjectivity to our view of others** and, therefore, you may receive data affected by the **biases** of the people who gave it to you. So, I recommend that you gather information, but **keep an open mind**.

## During the 1:1

The day of your first 1:1 has finally arrived! 

I recommend that you **mute all notifications** and prepare yourself to give your **[full attention](https://dev.to/one-beyond/mentor-tools-ii-active-listening-2o9b)** to what your new mentee is going to tell you.

Here are some **tips** on how to approach this first meeting: 

- **Welcome** them to this space.
- Explain the **objectives of the meeting**. 

    - Get to **know each other**
    - Establish the **basis of the mentoring relationship**

- **Introduce yourself**. You will probably tell them about your professional background, but I also recommend that you share some personal and/or less formal information. This will help to generate a **[safe space](https://dev.to/one-beyond/mentor-tools-i-safe-space-54n6)** or climate of trust in which your mentee will gradually feel more open to share. 

- **Ask for them**. Although it is important to make yourself known, **the protagonist of the mentoring sessions is your mentee**. Therefore, asking and **[listening](https://dev.to/one-beyond/mentor-tools-ii-active-listening-2o9b)** is fundamental from day 1. Some **professional questions** especially relevant to our work as a mentor will be:

    - What **motivates** you most about the work you do?
    - What are the **skills** you would highlight about yourself?
    - What are your **areas of improvement**?
    - What are your **expectations** for your **professional growth**?
    - Where would you like to move forward?

- **Establish the basis of the mentoring relationship**. Now that you know each other a little better, it's time to talk about the mentoring sessions. At this point, I advise you to **ask them if they have any mentoring experience**, either being a mentor or being mentored and how it went. You can then explain **how you understand the mentoring process and how you usually approach it**. I usually explain the following:

    - **Role of mentoring**: to accompany the mentee to grow professionally. 
    - **Structure of the sessions**: I normally cover two main topics:
        - Follow up of **daily work** (project, client, company...).
        - Follow up of **goals**
    - **Frequency and duration**: in my case, I establish **1 session per month as a minimum** in order to be able to follow up on a regular basis. However, I always leave the option to my mentee to choose if they want to have 1:1s more frequently (one session every two weeks, every three weeks...).

        Regarding the duration, you can also agree with your mentee. I usually reserve **between 30 and 45 minutes** depending on the frequency. Less frequent 1:1s tend to be longer. 

    - **Other matters**: I always remind my mentee to:
        - Feel free to **ask or express whatever you want**, this is a safe space.
        - Ping me if you need to **talk before the next 1:1**.
        - You can give me **feedback** on the sessions at any time. The purpose is that these sessions are useful to you and help you in your growth.

    Finally, after explaining all this information to my mentee, I ask them:

    - Do you find what I propose **useful**?
    - Do you think you might **need something I haven't told you**?

Listen carefully to their views, discuss it if needed and **you will have completed your first 1:1**!

You can close the meeting by setting the **date of your next meeting** and **thanking** them for their time.

You can also **advance the topic of the next session** if it will be, for example, the meeting to **[define their goals](https://dev.to/one-beyond/mentor-tools-iii-promotable-goals-1e44)**. This way, they can ask you now if they have any questions.

That’s all, **see you in the next one**!