Why i quit my job as a staff engineer
Tags: career
Published: 2024-02-09 18:30:52

disclaimer: I am just sharing my experiences, I'm by no way looking to shame anyone, I have intentionally not named companies or people for this reason enjoy!

##1: From Startup Hell to PhD Pursuit: My Journey Begins

I have a strong track record for delivering commercial vsts as a DSP engineer, working  at several startups over the past 5 years. This audio startup had promised innovation, excitement, and cutting-edge technology. Instead, I found myself drowning in a sea of disappointment. My role as a staff software engineer quickly morphed into a soul-crushing experience. A "promotion" landed me on a project teetering on the brink of collapse, and my efforts to salvage it in a week (as per the CEO's impossible demands) were met with nothing but belittlement.

Desperate for a break and a chance to rediscover my passion, I requested a month of leave to finish my Master's degree. Returning with a renewed sense of purpose, I was faced with another surprise: an invitation to apply for to do my PhD in a doctoral researcher, researching AI in speech recognition.   

But taking the leap wasn't easy. Unsure of the path ahead, I embarked on this new adventure. This blog chronicles my journey – from the disillusionment of the startup world to the exciting, yet uncertain, world of PhD research. Join me as I navigate the challenges, celebrate the victories, and ultimately, share my story of transformation.

##2: From Dream Project to Startup Disillusionment

Before the chaos of the "promotion" and the PhD opportunity, my days were filled with the exciting challenge I'd always dreamed of developing a VST plugin that was emulating a rare piece of gear. Yes, you read that right – a Virtual Studio Technology plugin, the very technology that allows musicians and producers to create digital instruments and effects. As a passionate audio enthusiast and DSP Engineer myself, working on this project felt like hitting the jackpot.

Building this VST wasn't just another task; it was an opportunity to pour my creativity and technical skills into crafting a tool that could empower artists. Every line of code was a brushstroke, shaping the sonic possibilities for others. It allowed me to tap into a creative flow I never knew existed, a far cry from the disillusionment I later encountered.

While the VST had no direct connection to my current PhD path in AI, it represented a time when I was driven by passion and the joy of creation. It served as a stark reminder of how much satisfaction I derived from working on projects that resonated with my deeper interests. This realization became crucial later on, when I had to decide whether to chase the "safe" option within the startup or pursue the unknown but captivating world of research.

However, as the excitement of the VST project faded, the cracks in the startup's culture began to widen. The initial promise of innovation gave way to unrealistic expectations and a toxic work environment. This shift made me question the true value of my work and ultimately pushed me towards seeking a more fulfilling path.

##3: The Promised Land Turns Toxic - A Plugin Nightmare

Remember those impressive VST plugins I mentioned, the ones that landed me this dream job? Well, buckle up, because things were about to get messy. Turns out, the company that hired me based on my proven track record had a little secret of their own: they didn't exactly prioritize honesty or transparency.

My initial project, the one I poured my heart and soul into, was making solid progress. I was genuinely excited about pushing the boundaries of DSP. But then, the rug was pulled out from under me. My "promotion" wasn't a promotion at all; it was a one-way ticket to a different project – a project that was already a raging dumpster fire.

Here's the kicker: the "tech lead" before me on this other VST was... let's just say, less than qualified. His code was riddled with bugs, his vision was hazy at best, and his leadership skills were nonexistent. And guess who was tasked with cleaning up his mess in a week? Yours truly.

It was a recipe for disaster. Deadlines were unrealistic, expectations were sky-high, and the support was nonexistent. I poured in countless hours, trying to salvage something from the wreckage, only to be met with constant criticism and belittlement from the very person who created the mess in the first place. The CEO, who initially promised me full support, suddenly seemed to vanish, leaving me to navigate this toxic environment alone.

This experience was a stark wake-up call. It exposed the ugly truth behind the company's facade of innovation and revealed the consequences of trusting a company that values hype over honesty. It was a turning point, pushing me to question everything I thought I knew about work culture and the importance of genuine talent.

##4: From Breakdown to Breakthrough - Leaving Startup Chaos Behind

The pressure cooker had reached its boiling point. The constant stress, the toxic work environment, and the financial strain were taking their toll. Dark thoughts started creeping in, anger became my default response, and the joy of creating faded fast. I was drowning, and the "promotion" had become a suffocating anchor.

But amidst the chaos, a glimmer of hope emerged. My boss, seeing my struggle, surprisingly allowed me a month's leave to finish my Master's thesis. With renewed focus, I poured myself into my studies and emerged with a distinction – a testament to my resilience and determination. This achievement sparked a sense of self-belief, urging me to consider my next move.

I was already juggling my day job with the launch of my own startup – a venture I was passionate about but unsure of its long-term sustainability. Simultaneously, I was exploring various job opportunities, including the doctoral researcher position at my university. I was at a crossroads, unsure of the right path forward.

Then, upon returning from my leave, the rug was pulled out from under me again. My boss, in a cruel twist of fate, questioned my abilities and claimed I wasn't "senior level" material. His words, steeped in condescension and negativity, were the final push I needed. Without a second thought, I walked out.

It was a leap of faith, a jump into the unknown. My startup was still in its early stages, and the research position wasn't yet secured. But the fear of the toxic environment I left behind fueled my determination. I knew I deserved better, and I was ready to chase my true potential.

This wasn't just about quitting a job; it was about reclaiming my self-worth and taking control of my future. It was a defining moment, a turning point that led me to the exciting world of PhD research in AI, but that's a story for another day.

##5: From Leap of Faith to Hopeful Horizon - A New Chapter Begins

Just days before Christmas, a beacon of hope pierced the uncertainty: the offer letter for the doctoral researcher position arrived. I couldn't believe my eyes – a wave of relief and joy washed over me, erupting in a triumphant scream that probably scared the neighbors! Starting in a week, I was ready to embark on a new adventure, one driven by intellectual curiosity and a thirst for knowledge.

But the story doesn't end there. My passion project, the startup I launched despite the chaos, also flourished. We launched 4 VSTs, each one met with positive feedback and growing user base. We even have a special project brewing, fueled by our collective creativity and determination.

Yes, the PhD takes priority unless my tasks for that day are done i will refuse to do startup task. It represents a commitment to pushing boundaries and contributing to the world of AI. Yet, my entrepreneurial spirit won't be silenced. My journey with the startup continues, albeit with a different balance – I work on it 4 to 8 hrs/wk. I may not dedicate every waking hour, but my heart and dedication remain unwavering.

The path ahead is undoubtedly challenging. Juggling a demanding research program with an evolving startup might seem like a recipe for madness. But here's the thing: I'm no stranger to challenges. The dark days at the startup, the emotional breakdown, and the leap of faith I took have equipped me with resilience, resourcefulness, and a newfound appreciation for time management.

This is more than just pursuing two passions; it's about defying limitations and proving that ambition doesn't require sacrifice. I plan to document my journey, sharing the triumphs and tribulations, the late nights fueled by coffee and code, and the exhilarating moments of discovery. Perhaps it will inspire others to chase their own dreams, embrace the unknown, and carve their unique path even amidst the chaos.

So, the adventure continues. Join me as I navigate the uncharted territory of AI research, nurture my entrepreneurial endeavor, and strive to strike a balance between ambition and wellbeing. Who knows what the future holds, but one thing's for sure: it will be anything but ordinary.

##Conclusion: From Broken Wings to Soaring High - Reflections and Encouragement

It all started with a dream: crafting cutting-edge audio tools and pushing the boundaries of innovation. But the dream turned sour, leaving me disillusioned and questioning my path. The "promotion" became a nightmare, the toxic environment stifled my creativity, and the lack of support crushed my spirit. Yet, amidst the ashes of disappointment, a spark ignited. It was the spark of self-belief, fueled by academic achievement and the tenacity of my own entrepreneurial spirit.

Taking a leap of faith, I walked away from the chaos, embracing the unknown with open arms. The doctoral researcher position was a beacon of hope, an opportunity to delve into the fascinating world of AI research. But my passion for creating didn't vanish. My startup, born amidst the turmoil, continued to thrive, reminding me that the power of imagination knows no bounds.

Today, I stand at a crossroads, juggling the demands of the PhD program with the exciting challenges of growing my startup. It's a balancing act, one that requires meticulous planning, unwavering dedication, and a healthy dose of caffeine. But the challenges pale in comparison to the satisfaction of pursuing both paths, nurturing my intellectual curiosities while building something meaningful.

This journey isn't just about me; it's about you too. If you're feeling stuck, disillusioned, or unsure of your next step, let my story be a testament to the power of resilience and the courage to chase your dreams. Don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone, embrace the unknown, and carve your own path, even if it means juggling multiple passions.

Remember, the road ahead might be bumpy, but the view from the top is worth it. So, join me on this adventure, share your own stories, and let's inspire each other to reach for the stars, one step at a time. After all, sometimes, the most extraordinary journeys begin with taking a leap of faith and refusing to let your wings clip your dreams.