What I learned after burnout
Tags: burnout, webdev, productivity, healthydebate
Published: 2024-06-05 20:52:39

For a period during the pandemic, the company I worked for experienced explosive growth, and with that my responsibilities grew as took a leadership position and the amount of issues related to that growth piled up, more clients, bigger clients, different requirements and all that.

Everything was going smoothly for the first months, but then it all started to derail. I started eating badly, drank more and more caffeine, until I was at point where paranoia started to set in. I would doubt the intentions of what people were telling me, I would suddenly start eyeing my web cam suspiciously suspecting people were even monitoring me. I was severely afraid of being fired, even though I was one the top performers and most respected.

Something was not right with me. At one point a truck cut off the optical fiber of my internet provider and I suddenly could not work, I was not just terrified, I freaked out. I was afraid of everything, I hated myself.

Eventually I could not stand it anymore, and I asked for help, half prepared to get fired... turned out that everything was just in my own head, people were actually way kinder than I expected. I got a vacation and some time to recover from the brunt of it. In truth I would spend the following 2 years to truly recover.

Something was awry, and I couldn't figure out why. I didn't even know where to look. I paid for expensive exams that would tell me nothing. I consulted to all kinds of doctors, some would prescribe me strange drugs which would only make things worse.

I took antidepressants for a few months, but it made my life unbearable, I could not think straight, I would be forgetful. I felt dumb. If I continued with it my worst fears would materialize, I would have to abandon programming completely, and perhaps become poor again or so I told myself.

Eventually, after I had given up, my wife convinced me to do one last battery of exams, which didn't reveal anything new, but the doctor said something different, a clue that triggered a larger process of healing.

My thyroid antibodies were sky high, I knew that and I was on medication for that. But he said that very likely it was caused by some food I was eating, a protein which my body was attacking by producing those same antibodies, and it could be gluten from a few others he mentioned.

Then it dawned on me. A few years before then I lost a huge amount of weight (23kg), but I didn't fully know why, I was biking 15km every day for work, yes, but I was eating a lot too. It was wheat. I had stopped eating wheat.

I remove it and boom, I lose 4kg in 2 weeks and begin to feel my energy come back to me. After about 3 months I am back at my original weight before the pandemic (minus 15 kg). But I didn't stop there. I could not.

I realized that I was still very grumpy and tired, especially in the afternoons and at night. What if it is something I am eating, or rather, drinking? Turns out I was already recommended to stop drinking caffeine due to some medications I was taking, but didn't follow through, now I did.

In the beginning, for about a month, it was a nightmare, I was so sleepy and couldn't think well. But then I started to feel better and better, eventually I noticed that I could do the same amount of work I did before, but I would stay rested until the night. I started to smile more, and be interested in people more.

And all along I thought I was just antisocial. No! I was stressed, tired and unhealthy, but I wasn't antisocial at all.

I still had my normal headaches from computer use though, that still prevented me from doing the things I wanted to do. Eventually, I noticed some guy using yellow tinted glasses, that was different I thought. Then I realized, what if my eyes are overstimulated?

I did use some glasses with blue light treatment, perhaps those were too weak. I started calling stores, and I ordered this custom "night drive" glasses, and turns out I have never worked with as much comfort in my life. My headache vanishes.

With that my job, projects and relationships start flourishing again. I am not afraid of the future anymore. Things look brighter than ever.

These realizations took me almost 30 years. I wish I knew that sooner, way sooner. How much farther would I be?

From these we can conclude some things:

1. Never do something because other people do it or tell you to, what is good for them might not be for you, perhaps not even to them and they don't know better. If it is socially cool, ask yourself ten times if you should do it. And remember, no one has your best interests in mind, they might want to but they still might be wrong. Take the responsibility.
2. The unseen world has so much power over the seen world, who would've thought that a small protein from a food that I've eaten every day and seen everyone eat, could be insidiously doing so much harm to me (like smoking the doctor said).
3. We need to be like scientists and observe what we do right or wrong. It's our responsibilities to experiment and improve our own lives, never be satisfied with the status quo, especially if you are in a bad situation.

How many people are going through bad stuff blindly out there? A lot! I hope my words, my experience brings some light to them. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, you only have to believe and have the courage to experiment.

In the beginning it was awful to not be able to eat 90% of the food I saw in the market or in the restaurants. But eventually it became easier and easier. I would never trade how I feel today for anything, certainly not food.

We are like computers in one sense, our inputs directly impact our outputs. Eat well, study well and you will have extraordinary results.

If you enjoyed my story, please check my project, [Metaboard](https://metaboard.cc), it's the next step in my personal growth. It not only helps me directly as a powerful visual second brain, but it is helping me develop my business and product skills.