Product: At Night She Cries, While He Rides His Steed
Saint James Street James is a tall, extremely muscular, 32-year-old man whose attributes and possessions include a mind stronger than Socrates on acid; a magnificent horse he loves more than anything in the world; a package so large that it requires a signature; a beautiful, passionate wife with a rack so perfect it belongs on a billiard table; a shit ton of children; and his own personal gold mine. His life, set in 1849 against the backdrop of the California gold rush, is one long parade of amazing sex, dynamite montages, and whiskey. But when the Schlager Brothers come to town, so too comes the end of the good times. St. James is forced to defend everything that matters to him. God help anyone who stands in his way.

Search query: badass ben thompson
Relevance: Substitute