grandes verdades
Autor: Jay Viegas | Publicado: 2015-02-17T11:59:00-02:00


Não é só abrir os olhos. Tem todas aquelas
coisas que te situam, o cheiro do café queimando na cafeteira, da roupa de cama
que precisa ser trocada. O som do filho do vizinho balançando na rede e a
incessante onomatopeia resultante da sua diversão, mas que não me abala. O
gosto de merda, de cigarros e alimentação pouco cuidadosa, esse gosto que todo
dia me visita assim que acordo e tomo consciência de mim. Depois que ele
aparece, não consigo mais me lembrar dos sonhos. É uma porta sem volta, que uma
vez atravessada, nos nega a versão acessível do inconsciente. Parece que são
perigosos, os sonhos, que contém informação demais que talvez nos deixe loucos
ou desorientados. A tentativa de interpretação me diz verdades que muitas vezes
preferia manter ininteligíveis – coisas básicas sobre quem somos e por que
somos, mas que assustam. A grande máxima: ignorância é felicidade. Na verdade, ignorance is bliss. Bliss não significa a mesma coisa que happiness. Bliss é, na
minha concepção, um estado de contentamento, consentimento e conformismo.
Aceitação. Acordo as quatro da manhã ao som de asas famintas, e percebo que
esqueci de apagar as luzes. Volto para cama sem sono e com a consciência amorfa
e receptiva, quero aprender por que há tanto sofrimento no mundo e por que isso
não me afeta tanto quanto seria esperado – sinto uma culpa que julgo
irreversível, o egoísmo de ser quem eu sou de forma tão leviana e
despreocupada. A luta de classes, o anarco-sindicalismo, o pão esquecido na
torradeira. Jogá-lo fora e sentir a fome de mil seres que não tem o que comer
pela manhã. Mas essa fome não é minha, por isso sigo meu dia e minha agenda
burguesa com uma sensação de impunidade infinita. 

No final do dia, a única pessoa que te
julga é você mesmo, então foda-se. Foda-se?

Não, meu julgamento dói mais do que o dos
outros, minha mente me machuca muito mais do que o externo. A consciência, e sua
outra face, ambas jogam na minha cara que no fundo eu não mereço nada disso,
mas tudo bem. Assim nos sentimos todos, assim surge a necessidade da luta, a
necessidade de acordar e levantar e ler e se informar, sintetizar conhecimento
na busca de justificativas para acordar, levantar, ler e se informar; Acender a
centelha da luta, para que possamos viver em um mundo onde não exista tanta culpa.
Onde eu me sinta melhor por ser quem eu sou – egoísta e verdadeiro, sentimental
e obscuro, entorpecido em um oceano de informações que me lembram o quão
leviana é a minha manhã. 

Mas seguimos na luta,
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