Relação a dois é...
Autor: Gilmar Ribeiro (piu!) | Publicado: 2012-09-17T09:59:00-07:00

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Após três horas discutindo a relação, João
Dárcio e Ivonete se acertam e tudo parece ficar bem.
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– Ai, amor, sabe aquele ditado “E tudo acaba em
pizza”? – diz Ivonete de maneira apaixonada ao marido.

– Que, que tem?

– Que, que tem que... Bem... Tudo acaba em
pizza, né?

– Nem sempre. Quero dizer... É... Do que, que a
gente tá falando, Preta?

– A gente tá falando que tudo acaba em pizza. 

– Entendi. Eu acho. É...

– Entendeu? Pelo jeito acho que você entendeu mesmo!

– Jeito? Que jeito, mulher?!

– Esse seu jeito pão-duro de ser!

– Pão-duro, eu?

– É. Pão-duro, unha-de-fome, miserável,
avarento... – parou pensativa procurando mais algum sinônimo, mas não encontrou.

– Não seja injusta, Ivonete.

– Ivonete é a...

– Ivonete é quem, ãn?! É você. Maria Ivonete
Costa Silva.

– Não me provoque, João Dárcio!

– Ah, agora é “Não me provoque, João Dárcio”? –
diz o homem arremedando a esposa – Vá te catar!

– Vá te catar você, seu... Seu... – e mordia o
próprio lábio de raiva.

– Seu o quê? Fala!

– Seu bêbado de merda!

– Como é que é?!

– É isso mesmo: seu bêbado de merda!

– Não seja estúpida, mulher! Eu não bebo há... –
fez uma pausa pensativa e em seguida concluiu: – Eu não bebo há um bocado de
tempo.

– Não?

– Não. – disse de maneira convicta.

– Você bebeu no Natal; bebeu no Réveillon; na
festa da tia Luba; você bebeu no Carnaval; na Páscoa; no...

– Isso faz tempo. Agora sou um novo homem, um
homem hígido. – disse João Dárcio
com ênfase à sua nova aquisição de vocábulo.

– Hígi o quê?

– Nada. Quem sabe se você lesse um pouco
mais...

– Tá me chamando de burra, seu idiota?!

– Entenda como quiser.

– Seu merda! 

– Ah, vê se não amola, sua maluca.

– Maluca?! Maluca é sua mãe, que não te afogou
na privada quando teve tempo!

– NÃO FALA DA MINHA MÃE!

– FALO SIM!

– OLHA QUE EU...

&nbsp;– EU O
QUÊ? ÃN?! E FALE BAIXO COMIGO QUE EU NÃO SOU AS SUAS RAPARIGAS!

...

– Imbecil! – disse Ivonete ao marido – Você é
mesmo um idiota. Bobo. Insuportável. Você é um... Um... Eu te amo.

– Também te amo, Preta.

Se beijaram e fizeram as pazes.



Gilmar Ribeiro (piu!)

17/09/2012, às 11h39

Não revisado