Quadros
Autor: A | Publicado: 2011-10-23T12:43:00-07:00

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&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Tudo sem cor ao redor. Havia cor, sem cor. Nada parecia mostrar vida, era um cinza, um bege, um chumbo, um nada.  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Só o meu ódio tinha cor, era vivo, era tudo.  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Pinturas inimigas oprimindo o que, de fato, não tem espaço. Talvez nunca tenha havido o espaço, mas sempre houve o tempo e ele, agora, passou a me abandonar e tomou lugar numa das telas.  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Num dos quadros uma figura que me incomoda, o personagem tem uns olhos que tentam me adivinhar, me invadir, sua presença guarda traços de bondade, porém sua ausência é o que mais me agrada. O som da sua partida me alivia, me desafoga, abre meus pulmões para que eu possa sorver um pouco de paz, eliminar esse cubo de gelo da garganta, procurar meu rosto em algum espelho e falar comigo; falar com minha triste imagem.  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; É possível que o resto seja só isso mesmo: olhar-me e esboçar meu capítulo de negativas. Nele não ocupo o papel de protagonista, nem tenho opção de estraçalhar minha dor numa capa de vilã, permaneço uma desajeitada títere sem direito ao Óscar de coadjuvante.  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Noutra parede, minha culpa vertia um líquido viscoso constituído por moléculas pequenas de sonhos pequenos e moléculas gordinhas de grandes sonhos, os realizáveis e necessários e os folgadamente só sonháveis, somente só, de tão bons, daqueles que bastam estar na alma para o sangue poder correr.  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A terceira parede trazia pinturas tão abstratas, que não sei se as entenderei algum dia. Devem ser para o nosso não entender, para que o dia siga e haja um motivo para abrir os olhos no outro dia, não que sugerissem coisa boa, nem ruim, nem coisa alguma, só uma desculpa para a busca.  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Em frente ao nada, coberto por uma casquinha de vidro, via meu rosto tentando ver o outro lado. Era só encostar, pressionar e a película se partiria ou então poderia cinematograficamente chutar e despedaçar o que me separava do mistério. O que me impediu e sempre me impede é esse novato que adotou o nome de Medo, afinal com ele não se reconstrói o vidro, não se atravessa a fronteira, ele não é passagem, não é passaporte, não é ingresso.  &nbsp;O Medo é o medo, às vezes protege, às vezes priva, sempre paralisa.   Estou procurando meus pincéis e minhas tintas, mas sobre meus olhos só essa areia que cai, cai e cai.