Fui
Autor: Marília | Publicado: 2015-07-25T15:29:00-03:00

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Ela levou anos pra decidir. Levou
21 anos na verdade. Só que chegara o dia. O dia do ‘saco cheio’. ‘ Today is the
day. ’ PONTO. Perguntava-se porque demorara tanto tempo pra tomar uma decisão.
Logo ela que era a Senhora Decisão, que vivia se vangloriando de ser uma
mulher enérgica, dona do seu nariz, consciente, concisa, confusa...

Se tudo nos últimos anos tinha se
tornado uma droga, por que não cortar o vício de uma vez por todas? Por que
continuar algo que definitivamente não trazia mais alegrias, mais saudades,
mais prazer?

Pensava na sua dor. Naquela
maldita dor nas costas e no pescoço que não passava. Aquela dor de cabeça que
não lhe pertencia. Pensava nas dores do parto que teria mais uma vez. Pensava
que o que lhe doía agora não fora o momento ruim, a palavra ‘despejada’ e
grosseira, o descuido repetido, a falta de atenção. Não fora a indecisão do
outro, o orgulho disfarçado, o volume da voz ou o perder a linha. Não fora o
excesso, a arrogância velada, a oportunidade perdida do silêncio, a
imaturidade, a carência, a impulsividade, a falta de diálogo ou entendimento.
Tampouco fora o &nbsp;perder-se, o perder por
vezes de SI, ou resgatar alguém que nem mais existia. Isso foi, passou, embora fosse
e estivesse presente.

O que doía era remover da vida os
poucos momentos agradáveis de felicidade, de longas conversas, de partilha, a
doação desmedida e despojada, o ensinamento, a música detalhada, a fruta
cortada, o café adoçado, a cama arrumada, as flores na mesa, o pão frito.

O que lhe doía era perder de
vista o dia-a-dia do outro, a palavra inteligente e dita sem pretensão; o que
lhe feria era lembrar da espera ansiosa, do prazer da companhia e da presença,
da risada divertida, da simplicidade das coisas.

O que lhe pesava era o ser
incapaz de transformar, de adaptar e não se ter alternativa nem habilidade ou
sensibilidade para criar novas fórmulas feitas com frutas&nbsp; exóticas, banhos de chuva e baldes nas
goteiras. Era o não saber transmutar os sons altos, os telefones que tocavam,
os fantasmas que rondavam, as grandes tristezas e as imensas alegrias, as fotos
e quadros nas paredes, os chaveiros que piscavam, os livros, os cds, as luminárias
de papel e os pratos sujos na pia.

Pesou na balança. Tentava-se ver
antes e depois, como nas fotos da Internet. Não seria a primeira nem a última. Hesitou
por alguns momentos e olhou pela última vez ao redor. Se algum dia precisara disso, agora não precisava mais. Nunca mais, decretou. Pegou a sacola barata que
continha as poucas coisas que lhe ainda eram estimadas. Contou os ‘pilas’ na
carteira e percebeu que podia pegar um táxi na esquina para chegar na
rodoviária. Antes de fechar a porta enviou um WhatsApp dizendo simplesmente, 'Fui (sonhar meu sonho)'.



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