Apolinário Ernesto Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele
Autor: Athos Ronaldo Miralha da Cunha | Publicado: 2013-09-27T19:51:00-07:00

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Athos Ronaldo Miralha da Cunha



Consta que uma senhora moradora do Havaí
tem problemas com seus documentos por conta da extensão do nome. A dona Janice
Lokelani Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele tem um nome muito extenso para
constar num documento, a sua carteira tem espaço somente para o impronunciável Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele
sobrenome que adquiriu quando se mudou para a ilha e casou com um nativo. Parece
que o nativo se chamava José da Silva Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele.

O problema é que na carteira de
motorista tem espaço para 34 caracteres, assim não constam os primeiros nomes e
somente o sobrenome com uma letra a menos. Ao invés de Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele
fica somente Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunael. Perceberam a diferença? E um
guardinha de trânsito, astuto, resolver encrencar com a moça e essa encrenca
virou notícia na rede.

Bueno, como dizia o índio lá de fora
antes de começar um causo. Mas o fato é que a senhora Janice Lokelani
Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele tem um cunhado e esse cunhado mora em Santa
Maria. E, claro, tinha umas joias importadas de Miami e acabaram nos penhores
da Caixa. 

Foi num final de uma dessas greves de
calendário. No primeiro dia de retorno um cidadão, acompanhado de duas crianças, chegou
com uma dúzia de moedas de ouro. Dólares americanos. Coisa rara no penhor. Mas
encaramos a tarefa. Então, o senhor bronzeado e melenudo Apolinário Ernesto
Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele, acompanhado de duas crianças bronzeadas e
melunadas, me alcançou seu documento. E eu pensava que tinha nome grande... 

Evidentemente, não me atrevi a
pronunciar seu sobrenome e “dedografei” letra por letra para o cadastro e
encerrei a operação. Mas aquele nome ficou matutando em meu pensamento. Como é
que se pronuncia esse troço? Perguntei e o seu Apolinário sorriu e falou que se
eu não perguntasse a pronúncia do nome seria o primeiro desde que chegou a Santa Maria. Pois eu contei até dez
antes de perguntar. Ele falou em alto e bom som, duas vezes, mas pouco
adiantou. No entanto, a minha curiosidade era outra. Eu gostaria de ver os documentos
das crianças. São seus filhos? 

Então o seu Apolinário me alcançou a
identidade dos filhos.

João Völkerwanderung
Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele e Joana Völkerwanderung
Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele. Diante da minha cara de espanto falou. 

– Casei com uma alemã.

E saiu contando as inúmeras notas de
cem reais, pouco preocupado se tinha alguém observando.

Coitado do mestre de cerimônias na
formatura dos pirralhos... fiquei imaginando.