Nineteen
Autor: Vinicius Passos | Publicado: 2011-04-16T18:37:00-03:00


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E quando a gente acorda percebe que nada está diferente.

Quantas vezes fui dormir imaginando o contrário? Receoso pelo que, na minha mente, estaria a me aguardar no outro dia, no meu grande dia? Eu era apenas uma criança e a magia de seu aniversário. 

Fechava os olhos e desejava que o dia chegasse logo, não pelos presentes, mas pelo sabor de novidade que eu adquiria para as pessoas. Todos me olhavam e sorriam, e me afogavam em abraços, e festejavam... Eu levantava da cama escondido em um sorriso que só deixaria o meu rosto quando eu retornasse para ela, um momento que eu tentava adiar o máximo que eu pudesse.

A gente aprende tanto, algumas vezes até nos tornamos aquilo que não queremos. Mudamos tanto e curiosamente acabamos sendo a mesma pessoa. Lembro daquela lágrima escorrendo do meu rosto, dizendo vitoriosa que as coisas quase nunca vão acontecer da maneira como eu desejava. Foi aí que ela foi engolida pelo chão e me deixou novamente sozinho com a minha dor. Até hoje eu tento aprender essa lição.

É que a gente cresce e quer que a magia do aniversário continue a mesma e quando a gente acorda, quando percebemos que nada está diferente, onde esconder essa pequena frustração? Ainda se é a atração do dia, mas por que isso não parece suficiente? E aquele sorriso que me fazia esquecer de mim mesmo? Terá ele ido embora junto com o meu velho colchão? 

Sei que se ainda há magia é porque vale à pena, mas ainda não estou pronto para soprar as velas do meu encanto e ver a carruagem do meu sonho voltar à forma de abóbora, eu ainda não me acostumei!

E essa diferença que tanto quero, esta que nos dias do meu passado era mesmice, é a que me lembra de que apesar do tempo me presentear esta realidade de dever ser responsável e forte, ainda me faz ver diante do espelho, além dessa barba fechada, a mesma criança de olhos fechados, pronunciando todos os anos a mesma expectativa: “Amanhã só vão faltar 364 dias!”