Comodismo não é amor
Autor: Laiss Bertola | Publicado: 2014-12-26T20:32:00-02:00


Me
interessa o comodismo humano em relacionamentos amorosos. Me instiga como
pessoas podem estar claramente infelizes em um relacionamento, e ainda assim
insistir que precisam daquela pessoa.



Não
que devemos desistir de relacionamentos em situações de crises. Falo mesmo
daqueles relacionamentos que se arrastam por anos. Isso mesmo, se arrastam.
Literalmente funcionam baseados em reforço intermitente. Passam-se meses de
pouca tolerância e um dividir de camas obrigado, e um dia de risos faz parecer
que ainda existe felicidade suficiente para manter um romance.



Reforços
espaçados, como bem sabe a Análise do Comportamento, são vilões em manter
comportamentos sem um esforço diário. Minhas amigas riem, mas eu uso sempre o
termo “mijar no poste”. Cachorros sabem bem, e nós também. Não é preciso
fidelizar com um ponto, se dedicar a ele, se envolver. Basta ir de tempos em
tempos, quando se quer ou quando sente o território ameaçado, soltar umas
gotinhas de esperança e deixar tudo como está. Em pleno banho-maria de
desespero velado.



As
pessoas precisam saber levantar a bandeira branca. Realizar que pouco não é
suficiente, que gotas fracas e espaçadas não saciam a sede de um
relacionamento. Eu já vivi situações em que realizar esse momento é ruim. Muito
ruim. Sufoca por dentro. Mas em seguida, um grande suspiro. O pulmão se enche
de possibilidade da liberdade de um condicionamento que já perdeu seu
propósito.


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Mas
só chegamos ai, nesse sufoco-suspiro quando nos damos conta de que esse
sofrimento momentâneo vale mais, muito mais, que uma tristeza ou falta de felicidade
arrastada. É preciso quer mais por nós mesmos. Realizar que precisamos mesmo é
de nós, e que só com nós mesmos, íntegros e felizes é que podemos optar pelo
convívio com um par que também esteja íntegro com si mesmo.