Sobre sua felicidade
Autor: Giuliano | Publicado: 2014-05-06T06:26:00-03:00

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<![endif]-->


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<![endif]-->Aproximadamente oito meses, é esse o tempo em que a gente não mais se
encontra. As risadas de antes dão espaço para um desconforto e desejo reprimido
quando te vejo e finjo que não (é algo físico que chega mesmo a incomodar). Os
poucos abraços que me deu, depois de me arrancar da sua vida, apesar de
verdadeiros só me causavam medo e uma sensação de perigo iminente. Mudei meu
itinerário a fim de não te encontrar por acaso, evito pessoas que possam falar
de você; mas nas madrugadas ainda olho para o seu portão com expectativa suicida
te ver e quem sabe - mais uma vez - bagunçar sua cabeça e atrair suas mãos.
Desisti de você para realizar sua vontade, acreditei que a distância ia trazer
minha ausência e esta seria tamanha que você desistiria do seu projeto de vida
medíocre e voltaria a querer meus olhos nos seus - engano ingênuo de um
romântico às avessas. É triste saber que você está bem, que os nossos planos
são apenas seus e que consegue caminhar sem olhar para trás ou sentir a falta
da minha mão segurando a sua e meu olhar cúmplice te falando: “Vai dar certo”.

Queria te encontrar aos farrapos, bêbado e sujo choramingando
meu nome e maldizendo meu desamor; confesso que sua queda mesmo causando enorme
dor ao menos justificaria a minha. Dar sentido a este meu amor ao te olhar nos
olhos, me ajoelhar e me juntar à sarjeta em que se encontraria e então me
misturar a você saboreando sua dor e te alimentando com o que ficou de mim com
sua ausência. &nbsp;

Não, não estou suficientemente preparado para te ver
feliz...

Mas ela, a felicidade, é sua companheira e zomba de
mim; resta-me agarrar com raiva os pés do tempo que não tem aliviado minha dor
e maltrata ainda meus sentimentos, afinal mesmo o tempo não é mais cruel que
você – e é nele que deposito o que sobrou de esperança.

Talvez um dia, não agora, eu possa encontrar um novo
sorriso e até quem sabe aquelas caretas que me irritavam e faziam rir; por enquanto
sua sombra me pertence e sobrevivo sem saber para onde ir – culpa sua que me
mostrou o caminho, mas me abandonou aos perigos da noite fria e foi em busca do
sol. Seu sol sou eu, e qualquer lume pode talvez te indicar um novo horizonte,
mas este nunca vai te bastar uma vez que sou eu o seu paradeiro. 

Vives hoje errante, e eu apenas sobrevivo das lembranças
daquilo que um dia fui. E sem minhas asas não faço ideia em que direção
seguir porque todos os caminhos me levam a você.