Como os tigres
Autor: rafaela; | Publicado: 2012-10-11T18:39:00-02:00

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As montanhas se movem um pouco, eu acho. O firme e intacto
também podem se modificar. Hoje escutei que os tigres velhos, quando percebem
que estão chegando ao fim, não param de lutar, combatem até o ultimo instante.
Entendo a determinação, só não entendo porque ser tão determinado, suas vidas
não passam de rotinas; comer, dormir, procriar, e só. Já a minha, quase como a
dos tigres; comer, dormir, trabalhar, não procriar e sentir saudades. Saudade
de tudo que já percorri antes, tudo mesmo, erros e acertos, desde chorar
embaixo da cama, até passar madrugadas muito loucas em lugares quaisquer.&nbsp;





&nbsp; 

Sinto falta do sereno arrepiando meu cabelo e da fumaça do
cigarro na minha traquéia, do gosto do whisky e da tontura, até das náuseas,
sinto falta dos olhares, das músicas e do shorts curto, e também do salto alto,
das tardes na beira de um rio, e do abraço apertado nas horas de dificuldade,
das críticas sinceras e da preocupação, sinto falta da euforia. Mas
principalmente das pessoas, estar afastada delas deixa um buraco no peito, que
as vezes a vontade é sair correndo e dar um abraço, falar algo bonito ou mandar
uma mensagem, só pedindo “oi fulano, como você tá? Tenho saudades...”&nbsp;



Sempre tive tudo e todos como algo tão concreto que não
consigo acreditar ter fim, vou ser sempre a sapatinha, o chaveirinho, a mulher
macho ou qualquer outro apelido irritantemente carinhoso que pudessem me dar,
vou brigar junto e derrubar garotos com um soco, pra depois correrem me
defender, vou escrever cartões de amor e escolher presentes pras namoradas, vou
pagar a mesma quantia porque bebo tanto quanto ou até mais, e na hora do aperto
é pra mim que vão ligar, me busquem e me levem mas estejam sempre junto comigo.



Ou pra sempre longe, a partir de agora, porquê eu fui a égua
fraca que se deixou domar, a cadelinha dengosa que aceitou ter coleira, ou
a boba mesmo que acreditou que a vida poderia ser melhor ao lado de alguém que
exige escolhas, alguém que te prende somente a ele, alguém que nem se quer
respeita sentimentos de luto e auto piedade, alguém que acredita sentir amor,
mas amor não é isso, isso é obsessão. Meus braços pesam e minhas pernas estão
fracas, sabe-se lá até quando meus pés aguentam a caminhada, e a minha
montanha, a minha montanha era de areia, com o tempo ela se desfez e não posso
mais encontrá-la.&nbsp; Mas também como os
tigres, não posso deixar de lutar por ela, mesmo no fim.