Se o Titanic fizer água a gente cola com chiclete!
Autor: Kil Frauches | Publicado: 2012-07-09T21:46:00-03:00

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Depois de um
tempo sem escrever (férias forçadas!) voltei com vontade de falar com as
mulheres. Estava assistindo Titanic pela enésima vez e me veio um pensamento
sobre a moral dessa história. Conheço um monte de mulheres que já suspirou com
cenas românticas, mas todos esses filmes trazem mensagem subliminares nas quais
devemos prestar muita atenção.

Toda mulher
quis ser uma Rose algum dia na vida. Todo aquele romance, aquela névoa de
adolescência, o flerte, etc. Mas, na minha opinião, a maior vantagem de ser a
Rose é não precisar passar por toda aquela chatice de quando a relação se
estabelece. O Jack morre congelado no auge do sonho. Tudo bem que poderia ter
durado mais um pouquinho, afinal eles nem saíram do navio. Não me interprete
mal, não tenho uma visão pessimista das coisas, mas a lógica é mais ou menos
essa: quando chegassem ao porto os problemas da Rose começariam...

Trocariam
beijos e juras de amor e marcariam alguma coisa pra mais tarde. Na primeira
semana estaria tudo bem, o Jack pagaria a conta, abriria a porta do carro, etc.
A Rose perderia horas no salão e gastaria uma fortuna em maquiagem e perfumes pra
agradar o Jack. E os pombinhos seguiriam felizes até a fatídica noite em que o
Jack, no poder do álcool e depois da primeira briga, decide pedir a Rose em
casamento.

Imaginem só:
ela aceita, ele tira dinheiro não sei de onde pra comprar as alianças (porque,
como todos sabem, ele não trabalhava), fazem uma festa para os amigos pobres e
baderneiros do Jack (que obviamente virão a frequentar sua casa depois do
casório), a Rose ganha um monte de bugigangas do R$ 1,99, e vão morar num
sobrado no subúrbio.

Não demora
muito para ela se irritar porque ele não faz nada, só enche a cara de cerveja e
fica jogado no sofá o dia todo, enquanto ela lava roupa pra fora. Ela engorda
porque come mal e o marido perturba tanto que a ansiedade mexe com o
metabolismo dela. Dá até pra ouvir os dois brigando e ele, ao invés de dizer: “Você
é boba Rose?!” com aquela doçura do navio, vai gritar: “Você é gorda Rose!!!”.

Aí a Rose
chora, fica mal, pede o divórcio e volta pra casa da mãe tendo que ouvir o
velho “eu te disse”, e pior de tudo se lamentar por ter abandonado o noivo
rico. Aí a mãe, que é um demônio de tão sutil vai dizer: “Agora sua burra gorda,
vai chorar na cama que é lugar quente!”.

Moral
da história: mais vale um namorado morto congelado do que um marido congelado
vivo!