Resolucoes de ano novo
Autor: Mariane | Publicado: 2015-01-04T16:58:00-08:00

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Hoje
durante o café da manha minha mae me perguntou quais sao as minhas resolucoes
de ano novo. E eu comecei a chorar...

Ela me
perguntou se eu imaginava que estaria onde estou hoje no ultimo ano novo, e a
verdade é que eu nao imaginava.

Nem me
lembro quando foi a ultima vez que nao passei o ano novo em casa com a minha
mae. Nós sempre ficamos sozinhas em casa no ano novo, e a meia noite vamos pra
sacada ver os fogos, juntas, abraçadas. Eu sempre fico olhando pros fogos e
primeiro eu tento lembrar qual composto quimico que queima e produz as cores de
cada um, se eu nao me engano, o azul é cobre e amarelo é sodio.

Mas assim
como esse ano inteiro, o ano novo vai ser totalmente diferente. Parece que
minha vida foi virada do avesso, um caos controlado foi estabelecido e eu
caminho no meio da bagunça como se tudo estivesse certo.

Eu sou
grata por todo essa caos, eu pedi por isso.&nbsp;
Mas nós como seres humanos falhos não sabemos o que desejamos, não
sabemos lidar com as nossas próprias escolhas, e eu não sei se escolhi o
melhor. Só escolhi. Meu cérebro sabe que foi a melhor decisão pra mim, e pro
meu futuro, mas meu coração ainda chora de saudade.

E pensando
nas minhas “resoluções de ano novo”, só consigo pensar que esse ano é o ano que
eu volto pro Brasil. Só consigo me imaginar saindo do terminal de desembarque
empurrando minhas malas, (re)encontrando minha familia, abraçando minha mãe,
beijando meu namorado, e voltando pra casa.

Não, eu não
esperava estar onde estou hoje, mas espero MUITO estar onde eu quero daqui um
ano.

2015, seja
legal comigo, passe numa velocidade suportável, pra que eu aguente a saudade, e
seja capaz de aproveitar o tempo aqui.