Smallville: A Lenda do Sr. K
Autor: Jorge | Publicado: 2015-04-01T14:20:00-03:00


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Essa é uma daquelas histórias
antológicas que, embora no princípio tenham ares de tragédia, não podem deixar
de ser enquadradas no campo da comédia.

Certamente vou omitir nomes,
datas e locais, a fim de preservar as respectivas privacidades, afinal, meu
objetivo não é causar constrangimentos a quem quer que seja. Meu foco é no fato
e no que ele tem de inusitadamente humano, de tragicômico, de incomum e de
vulgar, tudo ao mesmo tempo.

Foi numa tranquila noite de terça
feira, que o sr. K (vamos chamá-lo apenas assim), cinquentão, solitário,
morador de um desses pretensiosos condomínios de classe média, resolveu se
divertir um pouco, aliviar as tensões do cotidiano e, para isso, contratou os
serviços de quatro (o número não está errado, é isso mesmo: quatro) garotas
dessas especializadas em relaxamento de senhores.

Levou-as para seu apartamento e
preparou uma grande noite. Tudo corria muito bem e teria sido realmente uma
noite memorável, se, a certa altura, as "meninas" não tivessem dado
um "boa noite Cinderelo" no sr. K e começado um trabalho de
redefinição do espaço interno do apartamento, retirando tudo que elas julgavam
supérfluo naquele ambiente e que poderia lhes render um bom dinheirinho no
mercado desses bens "supérfluos".

A coisa só saiu da esfera
privada, porque as "meninas" resolveram transportar sua mercadoria no
carro do sr. K, que estava na garagem do prédio e que também poderia render um
bom dinheiro naquele mercado a que me referi. O problema foi que, ao tentar
retirar o carro da garagem, elas fizeram uma lambança: bateram o veículo,
chamando a atenção do vigia, que chamou a polícia. Seguiu-se, uma cena de filme
policial, com cerco ao condomínio e evacuação de moradores, tudo culminando com
a prisão em flagrante das "meninas".

A amiga que me contou essa
história disse que o sr. K foi a única pessoa do condomínio que dormiu naquela
noite. 

Minha
primeira reflexão, quando ouvi a história, foi relativa a um tema que está no
imaginário popular: mulheres e carros. Definitivamente parecem ser incompatíveis,
não nasceram um para o outro. É um relacionamento difícil. Acho que na
empolgação do momento, as "meninas" nem pensaram nesse ponto fraco. E
foi aí que a casa caiu.

Minha
curiosidade quanto a um outro tema foi imediatamente sanada por um amigo para
quem contei o fato. Quando eu disse que tinha vontade de saber o que elas
usaram para "apagar" o sr. K, meu amigo respondeu de
"bate-pronto":



- Ora, Jorge, o cara está com mais de cinquenta e
"pegando" quatro ao mesmo tempo, eu não tenho dúvida: usaram criptonita.



Pois é, fica aí o alerta aos
cinquentões (como eu) que se considerem Super-Homens, para que tomem cuidado
com situações assim. Com uma mina clandestina de criptonita em algum lugar por
aí, melhor pegar uma de cada vez e, assim mesmo, ficar bem atento.