Só... escrevendo.
Autor: Bia Alper | Publicado: 2011-08-17T20:50:00-07:00

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E se isso fosse mais do que é? E se fosse mais que toque, mais que desejo. E se fosse algo mais? Ninguém responde. É um medo tão grande de ser repreendido, incompreendido. Esperamos a verdade e convivemos com a duvida eterna por medo de afastar. Mas é uma inquietação tamanha. Eu quero você. Preciso. Mas e se não for só isso. E se além de querer, talvez eu também queira cuidar. Tenho medo de afirmar o que não sei, ou de perder o que talvez eu não queira descobrir. No fundo é melhor fingir que isso não existe. Ai eu escrevo. Escrevo porque é a única forma racional que eu encontrei de expor aquilo que me aperta, e dessa vez eu faço isso por mim. Uma das poucas coisas que eu realmente faço por mim. As outras tantas são feitas em função da alegria e felicidade de outrem que eu preciso satisfazer. Na verdade eu sei que não preciso, mas é um obrigação que eu não consigo superar. Sinto falta de andar com as próprias pernas, e talvez por isso eu tenha tanto medo de que talvez você possa sumir como tantos fizeram. Tenho medo das minhas decisões estúpidas, afinal não sou tão madura quanto finjo ser. No fundo ainda sou estúpida e sei disso. Preciso de um abraço apertado, um carinho gostoso, um segurar de mãos sem segundas intenções. Preciso parar de sobreviver, e isso é pra ontem. Preciso de tantas coisas que talvez no fundo eu nem precise de você, mas seria mais divertido. Preciso de mais que companhia uma vez na vida. Preciso de algo que não seja só o suficiente, mas que fosse mais do que eu espero. Preciso arrancar o que me prende, jogar fora. Sumir no mundo. Tomar as rédeas do que deveria ser meu e está na mão de tantos. No fundo, eu só preciso parar de ter tanto medo.