Delírios do entardecer paulistano
Autor: Victor Pontalti | Publicado: 2013-10-15T22:37:00-03:00

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Era
apenas terça-feira e eu já pensava em entregar os pontos. O desânimo e o tédio
me pegaram de jeito desta vez. Velhos companheiros, que antes pelo menos me
encorajavam a ir para o bar, hoje em dia só me fazem querer vegetar entre as
quatro paredes do meu quarto. A sensação de cansaço existencial, ou qualquer
dessas novas frescuras que os psicanalistas inventam periodicamente, já foi
mais interessante, mas hoje em dia não dá nem para um poema vagabundo. Encheu o
saco. Assim como aquela semana, e ainda era apenas terça-feira.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Estava parado na estação Pinheiros,
esperando o trem. Eram seis da tarde. O cheiro de merda parecia mais forte que
o habitual, embora ainda não chegasse perto da Vila Olímpia. Dizem que é um dos
bairros nobres de São Paulo, deve ser mesmo. Para mim, que passo ao largo de
tudo quanto é nobreza, o nome Vila Olímpia só remete ao cheiro de um lago de
merda. Respiro mais fundo, a contragosto, e tusso forte. Sinto o catarro em meu
peito, a tossida dói. Devo estar doente. Deve ser tuberculose.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Olho para o lado. Vejo uma moça
abraçada com um sujeito. Ela me parece familiar. Seria aquela louca da última
festa? E o cara abraçado com ela... Seria aquele com quem a outra garota está
namorando? Penso em perguntar. 

–
Kelly?

–Oi,
tudo bem?

–E
você é...

–
Paulo Renato.

–
Você não é o namorado da...

–
Sim, sou.

–
E está com ela?

–
Aham.

–
A outra sabe?

–
Sim.

–
E não liga?

–
Não.

“Vocês
são malucos”, penso. Não eram quem eu pensava, afinal. Felizmente, todo o
diálogo aconteceu na minha cabeça. O trem chega, afinal. As pessoas saem
apressadas, com medo de ser empurradas de volta para o vagão. Eu entro. Boa
parte espera o próximo trem, mas a grande maioria também entra. Sou empurrado
contra as outras pessoas. Sinto que meu peito vai explodir. Talvez exploda. Não
seria má ideia.

Todos
esmagados, tentando evitar olhar uns aos outros. Desvio o olhar e encontro os
olhos de uma moça. São olhos bonitos, vivos, pulando de seu rosto. Ela também
tem uma espinha abominável. Sua pele é lisa, tem um tom de negro muito bonito,
lábios bem marcados. Talvez eu devesse tentar falar algo. Uma hora o trem
ficaria um pouco mais vazio, afinal. Uma piada talvez ajude, &nbsp;algo sobre a sua espinha. Melhor não. Ela olha
de volta. Trocamos olhares, eu, ela e a espinha. Deveria tentar um gracejo
sobre a situação. Nada me ocorreu. No fundo, não queria falar com quem quer que
fosse. Talvez ela quisesse.

A
viagem continuou. Meu pulmão continuava dando sinais de falência. Achei que
minhas costelas quebrariam. Seria bom se quebrassem, todas, de uma vez só. Um
idiota reclama, dá a entender que está reclamando de mim. Claro, seu cretino, estou
aqui atrás de você porque eu não tinha nada melhor para fazer. Continuamos a
ser empurrados uns contra os outros. Com esforço, consigo puxar um pouco de ar
e tossir. A tosse continua carregada. Devo estar doente. Tomara que seja
tuberculose. Tomara que eu infecte a todos aqui. Alguns agradecerão, garanto.