Desabafo
Autor: Paula Scotini | Publicado: 2013-04-22T16:50:00-03:00

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Não dá para guardar tudo no peito, não dá para continuar
remoendo, não dá para fingir que estou bem 100% do tempo. Perdi a habilidade,
sabe como é, andar de bicicleta é pra sempre, mas mentir precisa de uma certa
desenvoltura, uma prática que não tenho já faz um bom tempo.
Eu aprendi nesse meio tempo que cada ato vai gerar uma conseqüência e que nem
sempre eu vou conseguir fugir delas. Então tudo bem uma conseqüência, ou seja,
uma mudança que eu tenha ocasionado é aceitável, mas uma mudança que eu não
causei, uma conseqüência sem um ato? Ou seria um ato que precede uma conseqüência?
Se ocorre um distanciamento físico e emocional é uma conseqüência tardia a um
ato meu onde não houve nenhum modo de superar ou é um simples sinal de que não
há terreno para algo real?
Não é que tenha acontecido algo muito grave, pelo contrário, posso dizer que
foi sutil. Posso dizer que o tom de voz variou pouca coisa e que a escolha de
palavras também sofreu algumas alterações, mas o que afeta, o que dói é que
houve a perda da necessidade. Aquela necessidade incontrolável de estar perto,
de ficar junto, de estar. Ou melhor, você perdeu, porque a minha continua aqui.
E para ser bem sincera a cereja deste bolo amargo são aquelas expectativas que
eu mantenho desde o começo, aquelas que eu escondo de mim mesma, que agora parecem
frustrar e eu já não sei o que fazer com elas. 
E como em um desabafo eu tiro esse peso dos meus ombros, tiro a sensação de
sufoco embaralhando os dedos no teclado, percebendo os olhos marejando, a
respiração falhada e o soluço contido.