Autor: Tetê Mello | Publicado: 2013-02-05T08:21:00-08:00

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SEM SONHOS



Outro dia
conversando com o meu marido e companheiro, comentei sobre a falta e total
ausência de sonhos, no momento em minha vida. É que quando chegamos a uma certa
idade e não vemos realizados os ideais e desejos (bens materiais ou não) e você
percebe que as perspectivas também já não mais existem,há uma sensação de um
vazio intenso, como se tudo estivesse secando por dentro.



Infelizmente
estou passando por essa fase. Não há rancor, revolta. O que existe ou o que
sinto é que já não me interessa mais pensar que não consegui realizar quase
nada do que planejei ao longo de minha, de nossas vidas e que se não
conseguimos... não conseguimos, pra que ficar lamentando o fizemos de errado ou
não; se tenho certeza que tentamos. E se tentamos por que não deu certo?



Essa
sensação de apatia total pra mim é mais fatal do que uma forte crise de
angústia existencial. Na angústia e na depressão, você chora, se desespera, ou
no meu caso muda totalmente o humor; podendo ficar agressiva, triste ou
simplesmente não querer falar nem ver ninguém .



Está sendo
muito difícil pra mim até escrever e discernir os meus sentimentos, estou me
sentindo muita fraca novamente; como se eu estivesse no começo, lá atrás, há
mais de dez anos, quando eu não conseguia entender a mim mesma...

Acho que
preciso rever tudo, fazer uma viagem em torno de mim mesma, o que fiz, o que
deixei de fazer, o que vivi, o que me fez sorrir e chorar de alegria ou de
tristeza. Afinal eu não posso esquecer que eu, como dizem: SOU UMA BIPOLAR.