*Eu estou num sonho
Autor: Jhonny Russel | Publicado: 2013-04-01T13:31:00-03:00



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Eu
sei que é um sonho porque tudo está muito lento e não há dor aqui, nem sons.
Apenas medo.



Estou
no caminho que leva para uma casa onde morei na minha infância. Uma casa
afastada da cidade, cheia de árvores ao seu redor, jardins de flores selvagens
e um igarapé cujo correr das águas barrentas se ouve por todo o bosque. Estou
no portão de entrada, parado e olhando para a entrada principal da casa.



Já
estou dentro, na sala onde nos reuníamos para assistir aos programas de domingo...
irmãos, mãe, pai, primos... todos juntos rindo, alegres bobos diante de um tubo
de imagens brilhantes e insossas. Mas agora está tudo em silencio; sem risos
infantis, sem apresentadores senis chamando a bizarrice do momento, tudo está
quieto e vazio... Eu posso sentir que praticamente não existo e me alegro ao
perceber que sinto que isso é bom.



Mas
há algo de errado, não estou sozinho.



Vou
para o andar de cima, onde ficava meu quarto. Parado ao pé da escada, me
pergunto se ela é realmente grande ou se sou muito pequeno; cada degrau para
cima me leva a três degraus para baixo, cada passo me deixa mais distante do
meu objetivo. Nunca foi tão difícil subir estas escadas, nem nos piores
momentos da minha infância. Havia no andar de cima cinco quartos, o meu era o
que ficava no fim do corredor. Era o mais amplo e tinha uma varanda donde eu
podia colher com as mãos os frutos de uma imensa goiabeira, a &nbsp;qual derramava alguns galhos nessa varanda da
minha infância; goiabas, cajus e ovos de algum pássaro desavisado que fizesse
ninho na varanda – era como alimentava os monstros que eu criava em baixo da
minha cama.



Por
que sempre volto ao mesmo lugar?



A
porta do meu quarto está entreaberta, há movimento do outro lado da porta... Posso
ver duas sombras fracas andando agitadas de um lado para o outro. Ergo minha
mão na direção da porta e minha mão parece tão mais
lenta e pesada... Quero escancarar a porta – “NÃO VOLTE PARA CASA” - grita uma mulher do outro lado do corredor.



Estou
num sonho.