Presença e empatia
Autor: optimismoemconstrução | Publicado: 2013-05-12T10:26:00-07:00

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- “Olá, bom dia! – Disse o principezinho.

- Olá, bom dia! – Disse o vendedor.

Era um vendedor de comprimidos para tirar a sede. Toma-se um
por semana e deixa-se de ter necessidade de beber.

- Andas a vender isso porquê? – Perguntou o principezinho.

- Porque é uma enorme economia de tempo – respondeu o
vendedor. – Os cálculos foram feitos por peritos. Poupam-se cinquenta e três
minutos por semana.

- E com esses cinquenta e três minutos faz-se o quê?

- Faz-se o que se quiser…

“Eu” pensou o principezinho, “eu cá se tivesse cinquenta e
três minutos para gastar, punha-me era a andar muito calmamente à procura de
uma fonte.”

Saint-Exupéry, O Principezinho




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O principezinho leva todo o tempo necessário ao que o vai saciar,
revitalizar – todo o tempo necessário para estar onde a vida alimenta e sacia
verdadeiramente. 

E nós? Vivemos numa época em que comunicamos cada vez mais
depressa e cada vez pior. Telemóveis, correio eletrónico, facebook,
autoestradas de informação… Sim, trocamos muita informação, mas não alimentamos
contactos férteis, não nos encontramos verdadeiramente. 

Passamos a vida a dar e receber pílulas para deixarmos de ter
sede. É a gestora que telefona sistematicamente ao filho por volta das 19h: "Meu querido a
mãe está com muito trabalho e ainda tem uma reunião esta noite, por isso vai
chegar a casa mais tarde. Tens uma pizza deliciosa no congelador, é só pô-la no
micro-ondas.” Pílula! Não tenho tempo para ti, a pizza há-de substituir um
jantar em família. “Meu querido, o pai tem uma reunião importante esta tarde.
Tens uns vídeos no armário da televisão, diverte-te.” Não tenho tempo para ti,
a minha partida de golf ou a minha reunião de antigos alunos é mais importante.
Ou ainda mais subtilmente: “Sei que estás muito triste. Vê se consegues dormir e
amanhã, quando acordares, vais ver que já passou.” Pílula! Escutar-te é
cansativo e aborrecido, tenho mais que fazer, ainda por cima, já é tarde e
estou estafado.

E lá vamos nós a correr, de pílula em pílula, de obrigação em
obrigação, espantando-nos de continuar com tanta sede nesta busca insaciável,
sempre insatisfeitos de garganta e alma secas. Estamos sentados no único poço
realmente capaz de nos matar a sede: a presença a si próprio, presença ao outro,
presença ao mundo.

O que mais precisamos é de presença e quando alguém em
sofrimento nos procura, a tendência que temos é a de negar o seu sofrimento (“a coisa não está assim tão má, isto já passa, a vida é bela”) ou
tentarmos distraí-lo do seu próprio sofrimento (“vem fazer desporto para
arejares as ideias”). Pensamos numa série de soluções e bons conselhos para
ficar, no fundo, nós próprios descansados e convencidos de ter feito tudo o que
era preciso, já que nos ensinaram, sobretudo, a “FAZER” em vez de “ESTAR” e de “ESTAR
COM”. 

Quando “desbobinamos” todas as nossas soluções, rol de
conselhos tranquilizantes, não estaremos a cuidar da pessoa, mas sim de nós
próprios, da nossa própria angústia; não estaremos com ela, mas com o nosso
pânico, ou culpabilidade só de pensar que podemos falhar no nosso “dever de
fazer tudo como deve ser”. Mas se conseguirmos tocar quem nos procura com a
nossa empatia, se acompanharmos na sua aflição com toda a nossa presença e
benevolência estaremos, de facto, juntos; a pessoa sentirá que não está sozinha
e isso faz toda a diferença.

Empatia ou compaixão é focalizar toda a atenção no que se
está a viver no momento. Um caminho em que três etapas se destacam:

1ª) Não fazer nada

Realmente ensinaram-nos justamente o oposto: “Não fiques aí
especado, faz qualquer coisa”. E acabámos por nos tornar incapazes de simplesmente
ouvir sem fazer nada, incapazes de escutar verdadeiramente o outro.

2ª) Focalizar a nossa atenção nos sentimentos e necessidades
do outro.

3ª) Parafrasear para tentar tomar consciência dos sentimentos
e necessidades em causa – escuta ativa.

A empatia é a chave da qualidade da relação connosco e com os
outros. É ela que alivia, vivifica. E... para a empatia não existem pílulas.




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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
  
  
 
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>

 /* Style Definitions */
 table.MsoNormalTable
 {mso-style-name:"Tabela normal";
 mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
 mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
 mso-style-noshow:yes;
 mso-style-priority:99;
 mso-style-qformat:yes;
 mso-style-parent:"";
 mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
 mso-para-margin:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
 line-height:115%;
 mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
 font-size:10.0pt;
 font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";
 mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}

<![endif]-->



&nbsp;Fonte:&nbsp; Seja
verdadeiro, Thomas d`Ansembourg