Autor: DR | Publicado: 2012-07-12T21:40:00-03:00

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Rio, 11 de julho de 2012.





É que eu tenho o hábito de me entregar....



Mesmo. De cabeça, corpo, alma. Me entrego com
todos os poros, me entrego pelas vísceras, pelo avesso e pelo direito... - se é
que há algo direito nisso. Se é que eu tenho o direito de fazer isso.



Mas me entrego. Me jogo! Mergulho de cabeça
sem nem olhar se a piscina está cheia, fecho os olhos e me jogo no meio da
multidão, abro os braços de frente para o vento e me entreeeego.



Lembro certa vez em um trabalho de Terapia
onde a atividade proposta era de olhos vendados, e fazíamos um percurso
totalmente adverso, experimentando mil coisas...



Me jogueeeeei! Fechei os olhos e fui.

Nem precisava me dar a mão, nem precisava que
ninguém me amparasse ou auxiliasse.



Pois eis que para minha surpresa, na
avaliação ao final com comentários sobre as sensações e tudo mais,
absolutamente TODOS haviam se queixado por tanto incômodo, por se sentirem
inseguros de olhos fechados, por não estarem confortáveis com aquilo e tudo
mais... EXCETO eu!!!

E essa era a parte que eu mais gostara! Que
fui sorrindo e me jogaaaando, toda feliz e segura, de braços abertos para todas
as surpresas...



Na ocasião, confesso, me senti um pouco
esquisita... “será que eu sou normal?” (pergunta aguda em dobro num trabalho de
terapia em grupo...), “será possível que sou tão diferente? Onde todos choram,
lamentam, reclamam, se queixam, eu me joooooogo?”, e “mas será possível que o
que é tão desconfortável para a amostragem de 99% do grupo, é justamente o que me
encanta? Cativa, seduz, satisfaz”



Será que eu sou sempre uma ousadia?

Será que eu sou sempre a contracultura sem
nem perceber?

Será que eu dou significados a minha vida lhe
atribuindo formas sinceras e apaixonadas ao extremo, mesmo em meio às
adversidades e dificuldades, sem me corromper por empecilhos e limitações,
superando o tédio, a alienação, o desespero, ansiedades, absurdos? Será que sou
uma existencialista?



Ou só uma doida (e doída) insana?



Que nada mais me assusta? Nada mais pode me
machucar (mais)? Que nada mais...





(e vou dormir. Amanhã escrevo mais um
pouquinho, acho..)









... nessa casa se ouve Otis Spann