Sanidade em FIM
Autor: Janaína | Publicado: 2015-12-04T02:56:00-08:00

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&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Olhei para mim mesma no espelho do banheiro, me vendo sob a
luz sincera das 10h da manhã, de cara lavada, sem nenhuma roupa ou adereço que
me fizesse ver outra coisa além de mim, sem outra referência, outra distração.
Prendi os meus cabelos num rabo de cavalo, mirei nos meus próprios olhos e
disse muito séria, feito doida falando sozinha, em voz alta, para que ouvisse
bem: você não vai tentar outra vez. Você não vai mais acreditar e insistir.
Vocês não tem futuro juntos.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Pronto. As palavras faziam muito sentido e
entraram na consciência feito um mantra. Tentava achar uma brecha entre elas, um
erro nessa lei que me desse a liberdade da desobediência... 10 minutos de
reflexão, e chega de discussão. Obedeça.&nbsp;
Está bem.



&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Sanidade enfim. Liberdade enfim. Coração e... Fim.&nbsp;



&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Sete ondas puladas na virada do ano novo, orações e pedidos
de proteção, meditação, yoga, canalização de energia, e algum resultado disso
tudo, chamado por mim de auto controle. Escolher finalmente o que fazer, por
quais caminhos andar, e parar de correr cega, por instinto e por desejo. Feito
bicho, insana, inconsequente e louca. A mente soberana sobre o corpo, que
domado, ainda se debatia rebelde e abstinente.&nbsp;



&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A mente que não conhecia o auto controle mal sabe lidar com as
batalhas, e duvida de si mesma, e vez ou outra quase perde. Pobre mente...
Máquina inteligente, convivendo com o revés da inteligência, pensa demais e
muito seriamente sobre si mesma. Numa conclusão e outra vai perdendo o fio da
meada... E dorme, natural ou quimicamente, renovando o fôlego e fugindo aos
grandes enfrentamentos.



&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Corpo maltratado, cutucado alguns dias apenas para
confirmação de que ainda existia, sofre e reclama feito bicho em cativeiro.
Sobrevive do mínimo e do básico. Arde, chora e grita quando em crise, e logo
cansa, porque tempo é deus sem piedade, e não deixa durar o muito, o tanto, o
transbordamento... Tempo gosta de amenidades e equilíbrio. Gosta de que eu mexa
no jardim cheio de terras ruins, vasos velhos e podas por fazer. Tiveram as
burocracias da casa nova que estou comprando, que com alguns selos, carimbos e
filas depois, a missão estava cumprida. O tempo também gosta de que eu arrume
armários, mude os móveis de posição, e fique acompanhando a vida alheia.
Algumas vezes o corpo só obedece aos caprichos do tempo quando ébrio...
Delicada essa relação.



&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Fizeram-se noites e dias, e muita alma precisou se envolver
nessa relação de doma. Algo superior, que acompanhasse, servindo de apoio vindo
de algum plano divino, alheio a todo caos. Alguns dias me lembrava de olhar nos
olhos, naquele mesmo espelho, e me parabenizar com duas palavras; bom trabalho!
Que silenciavam outras duas; até quando?