Memento Mori
Autor: Matheus Freitas | Publicado: 2014-05-25T10:58:00-07:00

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&nbsp;&nbsp;
Pensava que o suficiente era a margem ideal das coisas. Se me perguntado
o que achava dos ladrões que tinham suas mãos decepadas no oriente médio eu
lhes diria que aquilo era um exagero, bastava que lhes decepassem os dedos. Era
suficiente, diminuiria o sangramento.

&nbsp;&nbsp;
Em tudo tanto que fiz, procurei assim ser: tinha suficientes amigos e suficientes
obrigações, lia suficientes livros e conhecia suficientes músicas.
Subconscientes desperdícios. 

&nbsp;&nbsp; Tinha
15 anos, duas calças e um par de tênis quando a vi parada na pilastra do pátio.
Olhos quietos e castanhos, tez alva. Pensei em lhe dizer suficientes palavras e
talvez conseguir uma suficiente atenção, mas pela primeira de muitas vezes eu
não pude e pela primeira de muitas vezes senti-me perdido. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;
Já se foi muita água. Penso nas corredeiras de um rio enquanto lambem as
pedras sem nunca realmente encostarem-se a elas – há sempre o limo e abaixo do
limo há a pedra. Sinto-me assim passando pela vida sem realmente encostar-me à
vida. 

&nbsp;
Memento mori, e isso não me é mais suficiente. Nunca haverei de ser
suficiente. Nunca haverei de gozar a mim mesmo essa vida. Levanto-me e abro a
janela ao sol do meio dia, sol sem sombras e sem alívio. Memento mori, et carpe
diem.

&nbsp;&nbsp;
Levanto-me antes de Apolo, perco-me no chuveiro em meio à água, sinto a
vida fluir e se dissipar a meu redor. O Café não me acorda mais, sou pouco mais
que uma engrenagem que sabe o que fazer, mas desconhece o fim proporcional das
coisas. Sinto-me só em meio ao ônibus lotado e nem mesmo a velha do meu lado me
faz sentir mais vivo. Memento mori, talvez seja a última coisa que ela precisa
se lembrar. Carpe diem&nbsp; e talvez seja a
única coisa que resta a nós dois. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;
Existem dois urubus que vivem na janela de minha sala. Vejo-os e eles
parecem sussurrar para mim: Memento mori, estávamos aqui antes de você e
estaremos até que seus ossos e ossos de seus filhos sejam pó. Tenho pena deles.


&nbsp;&nbsp;
Há genialidade no sofrimento e razão no caos. Somos todos feitos pelo
caos e passamos pela vida em busca de ordem. Quase tangenciamos a ordem e nos
arrastamos novamente para dentro de nós mesmos. No caos nós acreditamos. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; É noite, já se foram a lua e as plêiades.
Aqui estou a me sussurrar: memento mori. E isso não é mais suficiente.