Why are you my clarity?
Autor: wakeuptodie | Publicado: 2014-01-02T17:50:00-08:00

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Entorpecido
em tristeza e agonia, rompia dias despojado contra os tecidos que envolviam
minha cama, fixada no centro de um oco espaço no qual se resumia minha existência.
Meus sonhos fundiam-se com minha torpe realidade. Sombras me cercavam por todos
os lados, tanto no interior quanto no exterior de meu crânio deturpado. Dentre estas
sombras havia uma um tanto mais vívida que as demais; eu enxergava gotículas de
vida no fundo negro de seus olhos sempre que me perdia em decifrá-la com contemplares.
Ela era mistério oculto, lacrado. 

Aquela
sombra reconfortante era o mais próximo que os céus me permitiriam chegar do
paraíso. A materialização dos desejos de uma vida de lástimas e ilusórias
fantasias. Eu sentia que se pudesse tocá-la, nunca a deixaria ir embora outra
vez. Quando a encarava, fitando diretamente suas luminosas íris, eu podia ver
naquelas encobertas pérolas que ela já sabia disso. Ainda assim, certo dia, ela
aceitou me seguir para fora da penumbra mórbida na qual vivíamos. Aprisionados arduamente
por nossos passados, medos e frustrações. 

Seguimos
em nosso novo mundo de descobertas, constantemente tentando nos manter
distanciados das antigas trevas que outrora regiam nossas essências; eram dois
seres amantes que caminhavam agarrados pelos dedos, entrelaçados pelos
sentimentos, e ligados pela nova chance de vida que nos fora concedida. 

Quando
a fúria me fazia cego, seus olhos abriam as portas para mim. O toque de seus
dedos me apontava quando parar ou quando nunca desistir. Por eras, o calor de
seu corpo era a única coisa a me manter vívido, evitando que meu cerne congelasse
por dentro e por fora. Ela era meu pedaço de lucidez, a única a manter meus pés
aderidos ao chão e minhas mãos longe de massacrar alguém quando era consumido
pela raiva impulsiva que constantemente me perseguia. 

Minha
respiração, pela primeira vez em muito tempo, era despreocupada; quando ela
estava aqui. Sentíamos como se não houvesse nenhum outro espaço no mundo onde
deveríamos estar. Minha claridade, minha insanidade, minha bússola, meu
descontrole, minha voz de juízo fora de minha mente. Voz que agia precisamente
quando meus péssimos modos calavam a minha própria voz interior quando esta
estava em seu caminho para me refrear de minha estupidez sempre nociva.

Tentava
encontrar no crepúsculo de seu olhar se ela, algum dia, precisaria de mim como
eu, àquele ponto, precisava dela. A podre escuridão de minha alma gritava
dentro de mim que esse devaneio não era para ditos-cujos como eu. Ainda que arriscasse
e lutasse para me tornar merecedor, sabia em minhas entranhas recém-cicatrizadas
que ela merecia muito mais do que eu era, ou do que eu tinha a oferecer.

Preciso
confessar que minha natureza egoísta não me permitiria deixá-la sozinha. Ela era
minha louca e confusa perfeição, e eu nunca desejei de modo tão intenso lutar
para que algo se tornasse meu. Aquela luzente e ardente sombra deveria ser
minha e eu estava certo disso com todas as forças que ainda vigoravam em meu
corpo. Ela parecia tão vital para mim. Perco minha respiração mais uma vez... Sentia
que ela era conhecedora de meu vício por seu amor e acalanto, e eu, a todo o
momento, drenava toda luz e satisfação que ela era capaz de me proporcionar,
reavivando aos poucos as partes mortas de minha alma. No fundo de minha
lunática mente, eu acreditava que ela nunca me deixaria aos pedaços, exatamente
como eu estava antes do dia em que ela finalmente se tornou minha. A cada
tilintar do fulgir do sol, eu a trazia um passo mais distante das sombras que
encobriam seu terno e machucado ser, essa era a minha nova e mais profunda
motivação de vida. Eu agora vivia.
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
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   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
   UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
  
  
 
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>

 /* Style Definitions */
 table.MsoNormalTable
 {mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
 mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
 mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
 mso-style-noshow:yes;
 mso-style-priority:99;
 mso-style-parent:"";
 mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
 mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
 mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
 line-height:115%;
 mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
 font-size:11.0pt;
 font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
 mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
 mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
 mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
 mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
 mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

<![endif]-->



– I’m
gonna play to you a thousand songs.
&nbsp;