Esgotada.
Autor: Amanda Alves | Publicado: 2012-03-14T10:23:00-07:00

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Eu preciso chorar e eu não choro. Tenho tentado, mas não sai nada. Há inúmeros motivos para que eu chore, e ao mesmo tempo não sei por qual deles chorar. Será que secou? Então, meu coração podia murchar também. Eu podia deixar de sentir. Ah, esse seria meu desejo do momento, deixar de sentir qualquer coisa. Não ter sentimentos, não precisar de ninguém. Ah, como eu queria me esconder, como eu estou pequenininha, como eu queria ir pra algum lugar que ninguém me encontrasse, um lugar que eu não fosse ninguém além de estrangeira. Agora, tenho vontade de que todos me apaguem da memória, que ninguém se lembre de mim. minha vontade é me trancar e somente existir eu e Deus. Afundar num quarto escuro em que eu não veja nada, apenas sinta a minha conexão com o Senhor. Eu queria poder ser levado até o colo de Deus e permanecer por lá até que minhas feridas fossem curadas e eu fosse nova. Queria abandonar as lembranças do meu passado, meu erros, e começar outra vez. Será que se eu tentar, eu consigo? Em horas como essa eu faço questão de esquecer qualquer doçura e ser fria, muito fria. Não sentir nada, não me importar com nada e não ter que explicar nada. Selecionar quem eu quero que fique e quem eu quero que vá. Esquecer aquela história de que os erros nos fazem acertar, os meus erros me fazem errar, me torturam, me perseguem, me machucam, me desconhecem. Será que amanhã eu acordo outra? Será que eu consigo transformar 18 anos em uma noite? Posso me arrepender de todas essas palavras, mas a única coisa com o que me importo nesse momento é com o que vai tirar esse peso de dentro de mim, vai destruir qualquer indício de que eu vou me machucar porque eu estou me abrindo novamente. Dizem que devemos viver o presente e não nos preocuparmos com o futuro, pois bem, farei. É o que eu sinto hoje, é o que eu farei hoje. É sempre bom se resguardar, se pôr em uma redoma e se poupar...de coisas, de lugares, de pessoas.