December 6th, 2011
Autor: Lu Guerra | Publicado: 2011-12-05T22:47:00-08:00

today i feel the need to explain to those people out there who keep saying "oh, this person's moods change so much so fast... they must be bipolar"or every single time somebody has a minor anger outburst they say "wow, you're so bipolar"dude. come on...ever since i was 6 i've been struggling with bipolar disorder, but i only got diagnosed last year (i'm 18 now) and since then i've been taking medicine and seeing a psychiatrist, you see, when we're teenagers we tend to get depressed over silly things such as not having a boyfriend or having one that doesn't treat you the way you wanted, or being jealous of friends who're happier than you for whatever reason, for being too thin or too fat, for not having everything you wanted or because you think everyone hates you for not being exactly the way you or them wanted them or you to be, but the magic is that as soon as one little thing happens your whole life changes and you're in a happy mood again, and that happens really frequently. it's silly, it's immature, but we're teenagers and that's how we feel.now when we're a bipolar teenager, unlike what the general public says, we're in the same mood for months, my psychiatrist describes them as "mood waves" in which we're either completely happy for a month and don't get to sleep much for being so excited or we get so depressed we feel like staying in bed for days and only get up or leave our bedrooms for food and water (sometimes just because our parents make us), unlike normal teenage depression, we don't just feel bad for not having a boyfriend, we actually feel like nobody in the whole planet loves us, no matter how many people tell you they love you, if one person doesn't and you happen to be on your bad mood wave, it's done, nobody on earth loves you, you're not too thin or too fat, you're a chopstick or a whale, if you don't have everything you wanted, you have nothing, nobody's good enough for you and you're not good enough for anybody, you have to go to school and deal with actual people, you're ALWAYS tired, you feel bad because your friends are happy and you're not, you feel bad for feeling bad, you feel bad 'cause your hair didn't curl to the right side when you woke up, you feel bad 'cause the sky isn't blue enough, 'cause your neighbor said good morning and he sounded cheerful in a way you wish you were so you wished he was dead and most of all, you feel bad 'cause nobody understands how bad you feel.things like this make us want to run away, not from our parents, not from our friends, not from the world, but from ourselves. we don't know why we're the way we are 'cause there's no way to know, we just happen to be like this, we want to escape from ourselves. but since we're bipolar, at one point the happy wave is going to come, so we'll be all happy and realize how silly we were for being sad 'cause the world is just so awesome and we don't have a boyfriend but we have so many awesome friends who love us that we don't need one and you want to go to school 'cause you miss them so much, you never feel tired 'cause the world is just so fascinating, you feel completely happy 'cause your friends are so happy and you have nothing to worry about with them, you feel happy 'cause your hair looked so messy when you got home that you looked really silly and that made you laugh, you thought the sky looked so beautiful and the sun was so perfect for that day and your neighbor passed and didn't even look in your face when you said good morning and you laugh 'cause that's so immature, and you feel absolutely great for having such understanding people in your life. but the most important thing about all this is that both waves always come, good or bad, it's like that for everybody in the world, it's just more difficult to the ones with psychiatric problems, but they'll come and everything goes back to being good. it's just the way it is.&gt;&gt;and THAT's the difference between a 16 year old brat who broke a nail and wants to die and somebody who really needs help.&gt;&gt;good night.o/