Autor: Heitor Morak | Publicado: 2014-01-11T12:15:00-08:00

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Ainda, mesmo depois de
semanas, consigo encontrar alguns fios de cabelo em meio as minhas roupas e
cobertores. Ainda consigo sentir o perfume na cama, na camisa velha emprestada
por uma noite e na toalha. Recolho-me cedo, fecho os olhos, tento não viver de
lembranças. Mas ela, ela sempre vem ao meu encontro. Como uma parte de mim que
incansavelmente pede para ser cuidada, reconhecida, amparada. Abro os olhos e
não há ninguém aqui. Fecho-os novamente, tento calar esta voz, esta lembrança,
essa saudade, essa culpa e essa maldita dor. Só mais uma fase. Só mais um amor.
Só mais algumas lágrimas. Só mais algumas lembranças. Não. Estas coisas não estão
sendo suficientes e não me acalmam. Todos os dias tento calar este sentimento.
Há outros planos, outra vida, outras coisas a serem feitas e vividas. Mas, desesperadamente
este sentimento luta, e vence, todos os dias. E todos os dias eu continuo
repetindo que irá passar, e mesmo cansado, encaro esta dor numa tentativa de
mostrar-me mais forte, em vão. Todos os dias eu me ocupo, eu refaço cada plano,
cada palavra, cada ideia. Tento não me odiar por tais escolhas, tais palavras,
tais problemas. Tento, assim como os outros, aceitar-me e aceitar meus erros.
Tento olhar para o futuro com todas as esperanças possíveis. Tento melhorar.
Tento todos os dias me afastar, mas ela vence. Tento esconder dos outros e de
mim mesmo. Não admito que ainda viva em mim um tempo que já passou. Coloco a
máscara, junto os pedaços. Apresento-me ao mundo, cumpro meus deveres, tiro
alguns sorrisos, me alimento. Tudo de forma automática, robotizada, sem vida. Não
admito a decadência. Fujo, e mesmo assim, lá está ela, em delírio, em imagens, mensagens,
em voz, perfume, toque e olhar. E fugir – a minha melhor opção diante de
qualquer problema – já não resolve. Ela sempre me encontra. Resta-me apagar as
luzes, fechar os olhos. Esperar ela ir embora, mesmo que tarde, para que assim,
ao menos por algumas horas, a paz e o descanso cheguem, e esta mente não seja
palco de um romance encerrado.