Estes dias...
Autor: Cathy | Publicado: 2013-11-19T00:57:00-03:00

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Estes dias tenho pensando em absolutamente tudo, e nada, do
que não foi e nunca será. Estes dias tenho me entregando aos momentos
cintilantes que ainda posso viver - fora do estado de vigília - a história
da minha vida. "Eu escolhi escolher ser escolhida". Mas talvez eu tenha pecado na
noite em que me entreguei a uma fantasia vaga, e quase material, de que era absolutamente
possível viver todas as delicadas nuances da vida e suas infinitas possibilidades. Eu sei
que errei quando eu quis estar “no teu lugar” e “ser você” para sempre, posto
que a única certeza é a da incerteza. Não se pode prometer nada acerca do
futuro, eu sei, mas não sei viver sem a falsa segurança que as promessas trazem. Não suportaria acordar sem ter a “certeza”
da eternidade das coisas, ainda que a inexorável realidade traga abaixo todos
os castelos de areia, a cada nova lua que se inicia. Não saberia viver sem
estar parte da minha existência no meu passado - no único lugar que posso ‘ser’
e ‘estar’ ao mesmo tempo dentro de mim. Nada pode tirar tudo o que já me foi
dado, o presente é inapreensível justamente porque não pode ser rememorado e,
ainda que seja o único momento real da nossa existência, é absurdamente inalcançável, chega a ser delirante querer entender este 'estado'.
O futuro não existe, nunca existiu e nunca existirá, ele é hoje apenas uma
ilusão do que queremos um dia lembrar!






A vida é, na verdade,
um grande oceano de lembranças que navegam em nossas memórias. E nestas
memórias eu tenho o abraço forte do meu pai, sorridente e lúcido, me levando
para conhecer o mundo através da sua sabedoria peculiar. Nesta lembrança eu
tenho a sua mão me acenando com todo amor e paciência do mundo “calma, você vai
conseguir, confia!”. Nesta lembrança eu tenho a certeza da sua imortalidade, da
sua jovialidade contagiante. Nesta lembrança eu tenho o rosto angelical da
minha mãe me dizendo que “nunca irá partir sem mim”. Nesta lembrança eu tenho o abraço
atemporal do meu amor, do deserto que atravessamos nas noites mais frias da nossa
existência... De todas as vidas que já nos propusemos a “existir” juntos e de
todas as vezes que senti a sua respiração. “Eu tentei te salvar, eu daria a
eternidade por teu sorriso”, mas no mundo onde eu de fato existo isso não seria
possível.