Autor: Mathews Cavalcante | Publicado: 2013-03-11T18:55:00-03:00

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Desabafo

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Percebo que sempre estou
apressando as coisas na minha vida, mas é falho, pois aparentemente tudo tem um
tempo correto como se fosse um karma ou algo parecido. É triste pois minha
ambição é grande e me frustro com facilidade.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Acho que ainda tenho muito
para aprender e mal comecei a viver. Cheguei a pen-
sar que me conhecia, engano meu. Me conheço tão pouco quanto um animal
irracional em frente ao espelho, a ponto de me estranhar. O que seria
maturidade? a capacidade de se entender ou de entender os acontecimentos
externos?.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Não sei se sou pessimista
ou otimista, muito menos se sou uma pessoa de fé ou não. Observo que causo
confusão em algumas pessoas, principalmente aquelas mais proxi-
mas de mim, não porque elas não me entendem mas porque eu não sou capaz disso e
acabo falando e agindo de forma incoerente.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Tenho medo de ter algum
problema, pois finalmente ou infelizmente percebi que sou uma pessoa
desequilibrada ou intensa demais, mas jamais em um estado sentimental padrão,
normal ou comum. Não sei se sou inseguro ou se confio muito no que acho, pois
geralmente crio estorias e normalmente acredito nelas como se fossem realidade,
a ponto de me frustrar e descontar magoas que as vezes nem tinham razão para
existir.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Não sou dramático, sou
qualquer coisa menos isso. Reconheço minha intensidade mas não sei a que ponto
pode ser considerada qualidade, defeito ou doença, é dificíl. Não considero
minha vida horrível, mas consigo reconhecer sensatamente que tenho uma família
problematica e que isso pode ter me causado problemas ou retardos emocionais,
até porque meu raciocínio esta em perfeito estado, penso eu.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Nunca me enxergaram como
um ser humano normal e eu também não consigo ver isso, existem muitas pessoas
incrivelmente melhores e piores que eu, mas jamais pareci-
das, disso tenho certeza! claro que todos somos diferentes mas existem padrões
nos seres humanos e eu consigo enxerga-los nos outros, mas no meu caso não.
Talvez eu esteja equivocado.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; É triste, mas eu realmente
não sou capaz de me entender ainda e muito menos como lidar. Tenho variações de
humor que me atormentam pois eu gostaria de sempre estar no mesmo estado ou no
minimo mudar com alguma razão e não inusitadamente como de costume. Isso me
assusta pois eu acho que percebo o incomodo das pessoas intimas e tenho medo de
perde-las principalmente aquelas que realmente necessito da presença, o resto
que se dane. Tenho capacidade de conquistar e também de quebrar o encanto.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Não sei o intuito desse
texto alem de querer desabafar, na realidade só queria que as coisas ficassem
mais claras e que isso fosse apenas uma fase, como sempre. Queria também
suportar minha presença sozinho e amar quem merece incondicionalmente. Rezo
para que tudo dê realmente certo.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Enfim, meu desejo é ser
feliz mesmo com problemas.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;