Sobre abandonar (-se)...
Autor: Meu canto secreto | Publicado: 2015-08-17T19:05:00-07:00

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__________________________________________ 

Quando escrevi sobre saltar do abismo, estava mesmo falando de me expor... sofrer as consequências de buscar a realidade... correr/voar até o chão... Não esperar a morte, esperar em vida, com esperança e amor... e até ódio se for preciso. 

Perdi mais um pedaço, este que já não era meu há algum tempo. Agora o reencontrei maior que meu peito, mais denso, sem possibilidade de acomodação... 

Talvez agora mais de perto, eu tenha percebido que era muito maior que o lugar que lhe tinha reservado, tendo eu lhe visto melhor naquele outro momento, perdi a chance de encontrá-lo e utilizá-lo... Mas fui usada por ele, eu acho... Como tudo o que desejo...

E me encontro na vida muitas vezes assim: teimosa, batendo cabeça para explicar o óbvio que o outro não está vendo, mas escondendo de mim o que vejo no meu espelho... Fico ranzinza e sem esperança... Desesperada, desanimo, choro, fujo para lugares e pessoas pesadas... Cre(n)do! 

Esse nó que desatei, bem que poderia ter sido um laço... bem que poderia ter sido feito com mais leveza e ternura, até mesmo capricho... A situação permitiu, mas eu não me permiti... 

Fui jogada de cara na parede. Estatelada, encontrei pedaços dolorosos da minha censura pessoal: irresponsabilidade, preguiça, não saber se entregar, nem receber a entrega alheia, não saber perder... 

Outro grande tema da minha vida: perder... Tenho medo de perder... de me perder... de não ter nunca nada... Mas o que consegui com esse medo foi ter mais medo ainda... 

Sinto cada gota de suor e choro ao final de cada derrota, diferente do que faço com minhas vitórias... mas ainda assim não aprendo... 

Pra onde estou rumando agora?
(HCQF/agos-2015) 





Pensando no que disse Woody Allen:

“Todo mundo sabe que só existe uma verdade: nossas vidas consistem em como escolhemos distorcê-las.”



OBS: Imagem colhida no Google.