Autor: Gabriel Silva | Publicado: 2016-02-13T02:14:00-02:00


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Com
o tempo, deixei de acreditar no amor. Talvez tenha me tornado amargo demais
para acreditar em qualquer coisa que possa trazer alegria... Ou simplesmente me
esquivo de tudo aquilo que possa acabar depois de cinco cervejas, um beijo ou
uma tarde de sexo. Parece que me sinto confortável na minha solidão, ou só me
convenço de que não sentir nada por alguém me traz conforto. Às vezes, quando
me deito, me lembro de todos os bons momentos pelos quais passei, e isso só me
angustia, não porque deixaram de existir, mas porque sinto que não haverá
outros momentos de alegria que me arrebatem a um plano em que o tempo deixe de
existir. É nesse momento, o momento em que apoio me cabeça sobre o travesseiro,
que sinto todo o peso da existência em meus ombros. Afogo-me na escuridão, nas
palavras... Nesse momento, o suicídio me parece tão presente, tão tentador, tão
magnífico. Mas me lembro dos olhares pesarosos e julgadores dos mais próximos a
mim no dia do meu enterro, e isso é o que mais dói. Já estarei morto, por que
me importaria com isso? Não é a pós-morte que me agonia, é o que está aqui, a
vida... E apesar de esquivar desses sorrisos despretensiosos que os amantes dão
em seu êxtase, estou tão ligado a esses bons sentimentos que de uma forma ou de
outra me prendem no mundo, me corroem a carne e dizem “não vá”. Não sou grato
por existir, não sou grato por sentir essa crescente agonia, essa crescente vontade
de explodir e exterminar a humanidade, mas me aprazo com esse resquício de fel
e com esse veneno que escorre pelos meus lábios. Faço da vida esse espetáculo
de barbáries, embora no fundo, lá no fundo, exista algo que possa facilmente
chamar de esperança.



Sr. Fremo