Sob a sombra do medo.
Autor: Ana Eufrázio | Publicado: 2013-04-16T21:02:00-07:00








Às
vezes me invade uma sensação de que o chão aos meus pés desapareceu e que estou
flutuando, procuro algo em que me agarrar, e o máximo que consigo encontrar é
vácuo, brisa, um indescritível vazio. Tento me apegar a algo em mim, e o meu eu
fora esvaziado, não me restou nada, coisa alguma, sequer uma réstia ou um facho
luz. 



Vivo a
angustiante essência da morte. 



As
minhas entranhas se fecham.



O ar
fica rarefeito.



Sinto
por um ínfimo instante uma tontura, um breve desfalecimento. Desejo
ardentemente apagar, sentir meu corpo languido se deixar cair. No entanto, uma
dor dilacerante ecoa intermitentemente em meu nicho craniano. 



Deliro
que morri e que estou procurando um local escuro pra me esconder. Vago insana
de beco em beco, de viela em viela. Onde larguei o lugar calmo, silencioso e
escuro? Lembro que deixei numa rua... Aonde? Quero meu lugar! Um abrigo onde eu
não possa me encontrar. 



Meu eu
está inundado de mim. 



Tento
me libertar dessa contradição de ser eu a pessoa que ocupa tão espaçosamente
este corpo físico e este sujeito paranoico. 



Meus
gestos são largos, cheios de si. Minhas palavras estão sempre prontas, e saem
da boca sem o meu controle.



Sufoco
no ócio do meu ser, viajo na sensação de estar fora de mim e atuar como juiz
pleno dos meus atos.&nbsp; 



Eu o
meu carrasco cruel. 



Essa
vontade louca de punição. 



Um
desejo cortante de me apontar o dedo julgador e imputar-me pena máxima me
ocorre intempestivamente. A angústia do seu cumprimento é latente, queria pagá-la
de pra todo o sempre. Zerar a contar. 



E por
fim passar uma borracha e esquecer de vez a culpa de ser eu este ente que
acorda, anda, come e ri.&nbsp; 






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