tipos de posers
Autor: kassio rafael | Publicado: 2011-11-02T15:52:00-07:00


Pseudo-Góticas(os): São nada mais e nada menos que ex-Cocotas ou Nerds que viram Emos  choronas(ões)  e se auto-intitulam Góticas(os), por mera desculpa  esfarrapada. São ridículas(os), retardadas, se acham muito intelectuais e  adoradoras do Diabo.  Colocam no nick do Orkut/Facebook: "Dark", "Lord", "Lady", "Black",  "Vampire", "Blood", antes do primeiro nome. Assim como fotografias suas  em cemitérios, a cortar os pulsos, com rosas, tudo a preto e branco. Só  conhecem Evanescence, Epica e Nightwish e ficam achando que Amy Lee é Deusa e que a Simone Simons é a melhor cantora de Ópera do Mundo, assim como a Tarja Turunen. Quando lhes perguntam pelas bandas Sirenia ou Tristania, finge que as amam (mas nem nunca ouviram falar). Dizem que adoram a Morte e histórias de vampiros, que para eles equivale a Twilight.  Identificar esses seres é fácil, usam os cabelos compridos pintados de  preto (às vezes com madeixas louras ou roxas) e de olhos tão pintados a  lápis preto que chegam a parecer palhaços, usam All Star, calça skinny  preta e ficam negando até à morte que não são emo, mas sim góticos.<!--[if gte mso 9]>     Normal   0         21         false   false   false      PT-BR   X-NONE   X-NONE                                                     MicrosoftInternetExplorer4                                                   <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>  <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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tipico fã de rock pesado poser

Poser do Rock: Do mais comum desde 10-18 anos. São gurias e guris retardados que falam que rock a sério é My Chemical Romance, 30 Seconds to Mars, Paramore, Kings of Leon, entre essas bandinhas do género. "Led Zeppelin? The Who? Jimi Hendrix? AC/DC? Mané, você não sabe o que é boa música Rock! Muse é muito melhor que esses todos!" Esse fica enchendo o saco, dizendo que percebe muito de música, que é muito mara e que o melhor guitarrista é o Slash, tentando pagar pau pra inteletual do Rock. Ficam falando que Arctic Monkeys e The Strokes são a salvação do Rock, pagando pau pra Indie. Não sabe absolutamente nada de música, nem respeita Blues ou Jazz, achando que é música de velho. Usa a expressão (claramente Poser): "All Star no pé, Rock na VÉIA!!! \m/".&nbsp;
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 <![endif]-->  Poser Metaleiro: Ficam falando do quanto amam Metal e que Metal is the Law!!!, usam camiseta de banda, e que Metal é o rei de toda a música, mas suas bandas favoritas que eles dizem "Metal": Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet for My Valentine, Linkin Park e ficam falando que Metallica é a melhor banda Metal da História da música e que curtem Iron Maiden, mas só conhecem as músicas "Fear of The Dark" e "The Number of the Beast". Para eles, Black Sabbath não existe, e Guns and Roses é puro Metal. Assim como o baterista dos Metallica é o melhor baterista da História da Música. E Slayer e Pantera, para eles, é Black Metal e Slipknot é puro Death Metal,e Judas Priest não é uma banda. Usam roupa preta, cabelo comprido até ao cu, e dizem adorar Satã, mas estão todos os Domingos batidos na missa com os papais.  &nbsp;<!--[if gte mso 9]>     Normal   0         21         false   false   false      PT-BR   X-NONE   X-NONE                                                     MicrosoftInternetExplorer4                                                   <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>  <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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 <![endif]-->  Poser Punk: Sabe aquele que diz que Green Day é Punk? Que compra camiseta dos Ramones, se diz Anarquista, mas vai comer sempre ao Mac Donald's e paga pau para o Capitalismo? Também diz que Blink 182, Sum 41 e Simple Plan são bandas Punk e são muito foda! Além de achar que são as melhores bandas do Mundo. Também acha que Sid Vicious é o melhor baixista da História! Fica pagando pau para fotografias de Punks, que na verdade são Emos. Tem escrito por todos os seus cadernos "Punk's Not Dead" e "Fuck the World", e sempre tira fotografia ao pé de paredes para seu Orkut, porque acha isso muito Punk. Sempre vai dizer que é rebelde e contra o sistema, mas sempre vai ter o telemóvel topo de gama e roupa de marca. E ainda acham que Rebelde é punk sarado.    
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 <![endif]-->  Poser do Guitar Hero: Um dos piores que tipos que existem. São geralmente moleques de 12 anos, gordos, que vivem sem camisa pois morrem de calor, ou são ex-pagodeiros. Mas desde que começaram a jogar Guitar Hero, se acham os roqueiros falando: "Guns N' Roses é o melhor, Welcome to the Jungle e Sweet Child o' Mine comandam! Paradise City? November Rain? Aff, seu noob, tudo música aleatória"; "Slipknot? CLARO QUE OUÇO, É PESADO, BEFORE I FORGET! My Plague, Duality? ... O que é isso?". Ou no caso sobre falar de guitarristas: "Jimmy Page? Eddie Van Halen? Kirk Hammett? Steve Vai? Jimi Hendrix? Frank Zappa? Seu noob! O Slash e o Tom Morello são muito melhores". Lembre-se: Todo o Poser joga Guitar Hero, mas nem todo o Mundo que joga Guitar Hero é Poser.&nbsp;<!--[if gte mso 9]>     Normal   0         21         false   false   false      PT-BR   X-NONE   X-NONE                                                     MicrosoftInternetExplorer4                                                   <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>  <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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 <![endif]-->  Poser Grunge: Normalmente é composto por pré-adolescente de 12-15 anos, que só conhecem a música "Smells Like Teen Spirit" dos Nirvana (e às vezes o "Come As You Are", mas só por causa do Guitar Hero). Basicamente só conhecem Nirvana e, talvez Pearl Jam e se acham muito gato de rua, muito sarado, muito foda. Alice in Chains e Soundgarden não existem, nem nunca ouviram falar. Ficam achando que Kurt Cobain é um Deus e ainda dizem que foi o melhor guitarrista de todos os tempos. Odeiam o Axl Rose por causa da rivalidade dele com Kurt, e ainda chamam "viados" para os Guns and Roses, mas nunca ouviram nada deles. Usam camiseta dos Nirvana, All Star toda suja e gasta e calça larga, se achando muito do lixo. Mas depois vivem numa casinha arrumada da classe média.&nbsp;<!--[if gte mso 9]>     Normal   0         21         false   false   false      PT-BR   X-NONE   X-NONE                                                     MicrosoftInternetExplorer4                                                   <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>  <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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 <![endif]-->  A saga de um Poser  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 1- Cresce curtindo Funk, Pagode, Pop brega ou Forró, e um dia acha que escutar Rock "é o que há";  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 2 - Começa só ouvindo Legião Urbana (mesmo sem entender o sentido da música);  &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;3 - Conhece as músicas do Raul Seixas, e adora ir a um show só pra dizer: "Toca Raul!" (mesmo só conhecendo as músicas mais "clichês");  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 4 - Se cansa do português, e começa a escutar Nirvana e adivinha qual a primeira música: Smells Like Teen Spirit;  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 5 - Ele terá os seguintes caminhos pela frente:  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 5.1 - Escutar Red Hot Chilli Peppers, sendo a primeira música Californication;  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 5.2 - Escutar Nu-Metal, começando com Linkin Park e Slipknot. Depois escutar Metallica dos anos 90 pra cá, e Pantera;  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 5.3 - Escutar Guns e dizer pra todo mundo que o Slash é o guitarrista mais foda que existe;  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 5.4 - Escutar Cradle of Filth e Dimmu Borgir e dizer que são suas bandas preferidas de Black Metal;  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 5.5 - Escutar Iron Maiden, ou melhor, Fear of the Dark.  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 5.6 - Escutar bandas como Evanescence (que pode ser ouvido junto com Linkin Park) e Within Temptation, e se achar "o(a) gótico(a)".   
  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Ou simplesmente deixar (ou não) de escutar os ritmos do item 1 e ouvir Fresno, Nx-Zero, Restart, Cine, Lady Gaga...