Phoebis philea
Autor: Thais | Publicado: 2012-07-31T12:41:00-04:00

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Uma borboleta pousou sobre seu ombro. Ela achava
que isso só acontecia nas fotos, nos filmes, nos livros... Lembrou-se da
natureza, mas não conseguiu esquecer-se das borboletas em seu estômago.
Borboletas para ela eram tão clichê... a velha historinha da lagarta que se
transforma. Ela ainda era lagarta, não acreditava em transformações: a vida a
fez assim. Ou então, pensou, seu ciclo foi contrário. Foi sim, um dia,
borboleta. Não com a mesma liberdade, mas com o colorido, a leveza, a doçura.
Hoje era lagarta: lenta, feia, abandonada (porém, livre). Irritou-se com o
inseto e chacoalhou o ombro para que saísse. Tudo a lembrava dos traumas. 

Caminhou mais um pouco pelo cais sentindo o vento
bagunçar sua franja. Não importava, não poderia ficar mais bagunçada que sua
vida. Estar ali, diante do mar, em uma quinta-feira às 3 da tarde, era o máximo
de desprendimento que conseguia sentir. Não fora ministrar as aulas da tarde
para tentar mergulhar um pouco em si mesma. Precisava.

Sentou-se e seus pés alcançaram a água. O lugar
cheirava a peixe, não era agradável. Também não se importou, já se afogava nos
pensamentos. Não conseguia parar de se lamentar por gostar das pessoas pelo que
elas são (ou o que ela pensava que eram). Queria aprender a gostar dos outros
por interesse, pelo que podiam lhe oferecer. Não do que é material, mas do que
é carinho, do que é abraço, do que é mão, pele, amor.&nbsp; Estava cansada de não ter nada em troca.
Estava com a alma cansada de só enxergar o melhor.

Tinha essa coisa: meio mãe, meio irmã, meio Deus.
Gostava de tratar os doentes, curar as feridas da alma, assoprar os machucados,
beijar onde doía... Arrumava, consertava, deixava limpo, para depois ver
partir. Não queria mais atrair-se por quem dela precisava. Queria, uma vez na
vida, precisar. 

Viu que a borboleta continuava voando por perto...
Um voo rápido e agitado. Viu também que a hora corria mais rápido do que se
estivesse com seus alunos. Já era pôr do sol. &nbsp;

Levantou-se e não calçou os chinelos: largou-os ali
mesmo, para seguir descalça. Era hora de voltar. O mergulho no íntimo nada
havia resolvido. A borboleta não a seguiu, continuou seu voo livre. Os
problemas eram os mesmos. As paixões também. Mas mesmo assim, na volta pra
casa, algo havia mudado, uma cor havia pintado, uma luz havia entrado: se
sentia menos lagarta.