Wierd girl
Autor: cheshire cat | Publicado: 2012-09-09T01:36:00-03:00

She's so wierd that one...

She started feeling like a loser, after weeks feeling like the most awesome star on the sky. She started killing herself on the inside again, after flying around like a pretty bright blue butterfly.
She came around her aunt´s house, and waited until the old lady was sleeping. She heard the snoring, so she knew. She came to the kitchen slowly with a pack almost empty of cigarrettes on her hand, and tried her best to open the back door without noise. Failed, but the aunt did not wake up (she went back inside to verify if the snores kept going).

She took a light iogurt from the refrigerator, one she had brought from her mother's house, and a spoon to eat it while she would smoke. That's what she was allowed to eat from the diet the nutrition-doctor had given her, but she felt stupid by eating that after having a lot of forbidden stuff during the rest of the day.

She went outside, feeling like shit. Lighted up a cigarrette and stood there, feeling the cold air going through her hair. Smoked, and ate a spoon of iogurt. For a while she ended up forgetting about the fucked up feeling she had, and started traveling around on the stars, on how bad it was to smoke 1 or 2 cigarrettes a day (according to her researches it was pretty bad, even knowing that the nicotin was out of her body after 2 hours after finished smoking, but she could be addicted to that)... started checking on the walls around (she would make plans to paint those walls to her aunt... they were looking too old). But than she remembered again.
The cigarrette was past half now, and she felt week. Felt like sitting down. And after she sat, right there where she was, leaning against the wall, she kept on smoking. And realized once more that she was being so fucking stupid.

She was letting her feelings go deep once more, and she knew how bad it would lead her. She knew the path, she had walked through it before, and she was not only scared but right now (knowing her physical limitations) she knew it was too silly to let it go this road again.
She was fat once more. Fat as she could not even remember when. Looking ugly.
She went to buy dresses to be pretty to her dude, next weekend they were supposed to see themselves. But now she did not even knew if that would be better to do it, since she would only put herself into more trouble. She liked him, though... a lot.

The dresses she tried showed her how fat she was. Showed her limitations to her and to everyone else. It showed who she was, and who she should not be if she wanted to bring that special guy into her life. She now felt week and shitty, why not, right?

She took another spoon of iogurt. It wasn't even her favorite. She was letting the cigarrette burn in the wind, than she realized that maybe she didn't need to smoke, she was just needing some fresh air. She smoked once more, and turned off the cigarrette. She realized she could make people feel better, act better, be better persons, but maybe she could not do that to herself. She was feeling bad, really bad.

Unfortunately, life was going to be too long for her...

"The night we met I knew I needed you so... and if I had the chance I'd never let you go..." The Ronettes - Be My Baby