Remorso
Autor: Pires. | Publicado: 2012-09-01T10:58:00-07:00


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O arrependimento percorre meu lado do cérebro responsável
pelas lembranças sombrias sempre em que a tristeza insiste em alojar-se sobre
minha vulnerabilidade e, assim, choro. Culpando minha inocência e falta de
experiência, consequentemente culpando-me. Voltar ao passado e usar xingamentos
ao invés de atitudes ridículas – era o que eu deveria ter feito. Merda!
Passado tanto tempo e mesmo assim me afeta com tanta força que quero sofrer,
porquê no fundo mereço. Quero volta. Tenho direito a uma troca. Vingança
compreensiva. Preciso sofrer da mesma forma que causei tristeza e raiva. Porém
em silêncio. Tenho fome de ser enganada – mesmo não sendo engano –, da pior
forma possível. Meu masoquismo fala mais alto. Quero ser paga da mesma moeda,
nada mais justo. 

Viver com um pensando pérfido rondando minha cabeça a todo o
momento em que enfraqueço sentimentalmente. Eu só quero uma devolução. Vinda da
vítima de tudo – a vítima não sou eu?! –, só assim me confortaria 90%. Mas não.
Ela não aceitou a proposta. Porém vou viver com o pensamento que tenha
acontecido, pior do que imagino, e que nunca me contará por medo. Com alguém
com que gosto muito, ou, pior, a última pessoa que queria que ela tocasse. O
pensamento conforta. Como se tudo estivesse equilibrado, agora. Espero que
realmente seja verdade toda essa expectativa masoquista. Ninguém jamais vai
saber o quanto quero que seja. 

E, ligando as coisas, lembro que a crença e fé
resultam em devoluções do Universo equilibradamente iguais por proporções
relacionadas a intensidades. Acredito, portanto, que acontecerá. Só depende dos
meus pensamentos. – Merda!&nbsp;



Eu te amo mais que tudo.&nbsp;

Perdoe-me.