Lynda Lemay- Les maudits français 
Autor: Marco Funchal | Publicado: 2016-06-29T19:41:00-07:00




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Les maudits français

Lynda Lemay

&nbsp; 



Y parlent avec des mots précis

Puis y prononcent toutes leurs syllabes

À tout bout d'champ, y s'donnent des bis

Y passent leurs grandes journées à table



Y ont des menus qu'on comprend pas

Y boivent du vin comme si c'était d'l'eau

Y mangent du pain pis du foie gras

En trouvant l'moyen d'pas être gros



Y font des manifs aux quart d'heure

À tous les maudits coins d'rue

Tous les taxis ont des chauffeurs

Qui roulent en fous, qui collent au cul



Et quand y parlent de venir chez nous

C'est pour l'hiver ou les indiens

Les longues promenades en Ski-doo

Ou encore en traîneau à chiens



Ils ont des tasses minuscules

Et des immenses cendriers

Y font du vrai café d'adulte

Ils avalent ça en deux gorgées



On trouve leurs gros bergers allemands

Et leurs petits caniches chéris

Sur les planchers des restaurants

Des épiceries, des pharmacies



Y disent qu'y dînent quand y soupent

Et y est deux heures quand y déjeunent

Au petit matin, ça sent l'yaourt

Y connaissent pas les œufs-bacon



En fin d'soirée, c'est plus chocroute

Magret d'canard ou escargots

Tout s'déroule bien jusqu'à c'qu'on goûte

À leur putain de tête de veau



Un bout d'paupière, un bout d'gencive

Un bout d'oreille, un bout d'museau

Pour des papilles gustatives

De québécois, c'est un peu trop



Puis, y nous prennent pour un martien

Quand on commande un verre de lait

Ou quand on demande : La salle de bain

Est à quelle place, S.V.P ?



Et quand ils arrivent chez nous

Y s'prennent une tuque et un Kanuk

Se mettent à chercher des igloos

Finissent dans une cabane à sucre

Y tombent en amour sur le coup

Avec nos forêts et nos lacs

Et y s'mettent à parler comme nous

Apprennent à dire : Tabarnak



Et bien saoulés au caribou

À la Molson et au gros gin

Y s'extasient sur nos ragoûts

D'pattes de cochon et nos plats d'binnes



Vu qu'on n'a pas d'fromages qui puent

Y s'accommodent d'un vieux cheddar

Et y se plaignent pas trop non plus

De notre petit café bâtard



Quand leur séjour tire à sa fin

Ils ont compris qu'ils ont plus l'droit

De nous appeler les Canadiens

Alors que l'on est québécois

Y disent au revoir, les yeux tout trempés

L'sirop d'érable plein les bagages

On réalise qu'on leur ressemble

On leur souhaite bon voyage



On est rendu qu'on donne des becs

Comme si on l'avait toujours fait

Y a comme un trou dans le Québec

Quand partent les maudits français

  
Os malditos franceses

Lynda Lemay

&nbsp;&nbsp;

Vou falar das palavras precisas 

Depois de pronunciar todas as suas sílabas 

No final do campo, que dão de novo

e passar os seus dias na grande mesa



e possuem menus que não inclui

e beber vinho como se fosse água

e comer o pão de grama

Ao encontrar o meio de não ser gordo



e fazer demos a quinze minutos

A cada esquinas malditas

Todos os táxis têm drivers

Quem deixa louca, que pau no cu



E quando falar para vir até nós

É para o inverno ou indiano

Longas caminhadas na Ski-doo

Ou por dogsled



Eles têm pequenas xícaras

E enormes cinzeiros

Y são adultos real café

Eles engoli-lo em goles



Encontramos suas grandes pastores alemães

E seus queridinhos poodles

Em pavimentos restaurante

mercearias, farmácias



Y O que dizem comer lá quando o jantar

E há duas horas quando para comer o pequeno-almoço

Na parte da manhã, cheira como o iogurte

Y não sei os ovos bacon



No final da noite, é mais chocrute 

pato ou caracóis

Todos &nbsp;bem até
  gostos que existem

Na sua cabeça do caralho bezerro



Depois de uma pálpebra, um pedaço de goma

Um pedaço de uma orelha, um pedaço de focinho

Para o paladar

Em Quebec, é demasiado



Depois, há nos levar para um marciano

Quando você pedir um copo de leite

Ou quando perguntado: A casa de banho

Está em que lugar, S.V.P?



E quando chegar em casa

E se toca e um kanuk

Comece a olhar iglus

Acabar em um barraco de açúcar

Y se apaixonam instantaneamente

Com as nossas florestas e lagos

E colocam estão falando como nós

Aprenda a dizer tabarnaque



caribu bebido bem

No Molson e gim

Y rave sobre nossas guisados

Nos pés dos porcos e os nossos pratos binnes



Como não temos queijo fedorento

Y acomodar uma cheddar velho

E não reclamar muito, quer

Nosso café pequeno bastardo



Quando a sua estadia chega ao fim

Eles entenderam que eles têm o mais à direita

Apesar que são canadenses

Embora haja os quebequenses 

Y dizer adeus, seus olhos toda molhada

xarope &nbsp;A bagagem
  cheia

Percebemos que gosta deles

Desejamos-lhes boa viagem



Visitamos um dá bicos

Como se tivéssemos feito sempre

Não é como um buraco em Quebec

Ao sair do maldito francês