Vingança
Autor: André Laurentino | Publicado: 2013-02-22T16:07:00-03:00

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<!--StartFragment-->







Publicado no guia Divirta-se em O Estado de S. Paulo em fevereiro de 2013



Minha companheira de viagem viu a placa e gritou: “Proibido!”. Estávamos chegando na Holanda, onde pouca coisa é proibida. Ela leu a placa e se emocionou. “É quase igual ao alemão. Só que é ‘verboden’ com D e não T”.

Mais adiante,
quando eu curtia o vai e vem do ônibus, acordei com outro grito: “Farmácia!”
Como fosse ela hipocondríaca, achei que ia descer e fazer compras. Mas não. “É
quase ‘Apotheke’”, ela disse. “Mas termina com ‘eek’”.



Ela havia
estudado alemão fazia anos, e quase chorava toda vez que reconhecia uma palavra
em holandês. 17 palavras e 17 gritos depois, perdi a paciência. Perguntei se
ela já não percebera que as duas línguas são parecidas. Para mim a conclusão
era óbvia. Ela irritou-se com minha frieza e, a partir dali, dava apenas soquinhos
silenciosos no ar cada vez que entendia um letreiro.



Vinte anos
foram precisos para que esse prato esfriasse, e eu comesse a vingança que o
destino preparou com cuidado. Estava eu agora em Barcelona jantando frutos do
mar ao ar livre, no Porto Olímpico. Numa longa mesa ao lado, uma festa de
casamento. Noivo inglês, noiva catalã. Durante horas fiquei observando os
ingleses tentando agir naturalmente, isto é, como seres humanos dotados de
emoção e alegria. Os catalães berravam, abraçavam, choravam. Os ingleses
bebiam, e imitavam bem. Foquei particularmente num gordinho britânico. Ele
fingia um savoir-faire tão legítimo que a expressão continua melhor em francês.



Três dias
depois eu já estava de volta a São Paulo. Fui tomar uma Guinness no único pub
que servia a bebida na época: o O’Malley’s da Alameda Itu. No meio da cerveja,
olho o balcão e não acredito. O gordinho inglês de Barcelona! Não podia ser.
Mas eu lhe dedicara horas de fina observação, como poderia me confundir? Olhei
de novo. Era! Mas não pode ser. Mas era. Fui lá.



“O senhor não
estava, três dias atrás, no Porto Olímpico, em Barcelona?”, perguntei. Ele me
olhou como se olha uma porta. “Sim”, disse secamente. Eu comemorei: “Isso é
incrível! Eu também! Eu também! Estava na mesa ao lado, e agora estamos em São
Paulo, o senhor nem aqui vive...” Ele me interrompeu, sem espanto: “Sim.
Chama-se coincidência”, pagou e saiu.
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