OLHAR - Conto Nº 22 - Loucuras Incontáveis
Autor: Carlos Alberto Ferrera | Publicado: 2011-05-05T10:38:00-07:00

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OLHAR


&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; O que aquele olhar poderia dizer a alguém? Tudo o que ele queria dizer? E o que ele queria dizer? Estava tudo ali, exposto? Seria tudo perceptível? O que se via poderia se ódio, demência, revolta, indignação, intolerância, ou sei lá; tudo junto. Mas a intenção seria esta? Talvez fosse intimidar, mostrar que aqui não tem otário; que aqui a ôia é pesada; ou que não tinha nada a perder.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Aquele olhar viu e via muita coisa; um olhar jovem, porém nada imaturo. Um olhar então, cansado, saturado e sem esperanças. Com certeza teria visto muito, só que esse muito era sempre o mesmo; sempre a falta, a carestia, a ausência de parâmetros, de lógica, de razão, ausência de tudo, enfim. Mas, principalmente de saída, escape, fuga. Mas não havia. Pelo menos não do jeito que queria, tudo era uma mentira, uma utopia, um castelo de cartas do qual não tinha forças para soprar; ninguém tinha.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Por falta dessa saída, por não ter mais o que ver, além do que via, aquele olhar estava contaminado. Diriam até que doente. Mas acho que doente, não. Doente era a vida que levava. Que ele nem sabia se era vida, era mais uma sobrevida. Pois ele sobrevivia, sobrevivia naquele caos ilógico, mas ao mesmo tempo totalmente racional; pois o resultado era sempre contra ele, nisso o caos fazia total sentido.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Aquele era um olhar óbvio; claro, óbvio. Um olhar resultado, resultante das forças que atuaram e atuam nele, não poderia dar em outra coisa. Ali, naquele caldeirão prestes a estourar, pipocavam olhares daquela natureza; e aqui e ali pipocavam caldeirões daquela espécie. Tragédia anunciada empurrada com a barriga. E então, o que perder? Ora, nada. Nada a perder. O que vier é lucro. Ele quer estourar o caldeirão para ver no que dá. Mas, peraí; isso não é esperança? Não; infelizmente não. Isso é óbvio, lógico, racional; como aquele caos, como aquele olhar. Esperança é uma certeza incerta, invisível, impalpável, não cabe em si e ali com certeza não cabia. Não era esperança, porque desejar morrer para acabar com uma dor insuportável é desespero; esperança seria o desejo pelo analgésico, mas era como se estivesse na Idade Média, a Aspirina ainda não havia sido inventada.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Aquele olhar me disse isso tudo? Bom, talvez tudo não. Mas eu me identifiquei com ele. Senti que ele gritava, e eu também gritava. Ele intimidava e, de certa forma se expunha, e eu sentia o mesmo. Sentia que essas conclusões vinham de min, logo depois do momento em que encarei meu olhar naquele espelho.