Gira o mundo, revira-volta...
Autor: JB' | Publicado: 2013-12-05T04:57:00-08:00

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Mais um fim de ano se aproxima...

Tantas coisas vividas foram tantas histórias, tanta coisa
pra contar e, ao mesmo tempo parece que foi ontem que abracei os meus amores
desejando feliz ano novo.

Passou tudo muito rápido, o ano trouxe saudade, trouxe
felicidade, trouxe magoas e, sobretudo trouxe também alegrias e tristezas.

Com a proximidade do fim do ano, andei pensando muito sobre
o que gostaria de ganhar neste natal... E este ano pretendo e, tenho de me
lembrar de pedir o presente de natal correto, já sei o que vou pedir, vou pedir
para ser só, só e feliz, descobri que não sou uma boa pessoa. Acho que pessoas
para mim não existem, todas são muito diferentes, não posso continuar a ser
assim com todos. Pessoas como eu, talvez, devam ser solitárias, suspensas sobre
a Terra.

Ao fazer alguém sofrer, você sofre também, então, decidi ser
só eu, ser eu comigo e a vida.

Aprendi esse ano que não importa o destino, em um expresso o
que importa é embarcar, então, decidi embarcar sozinho. Vou para qualquer
lugar, quero uma casa no fim do mundo, quero ir trabalhar a pé, quero um
passaporte carimbado em todas as paginas, quero mil filmes para assistir no
sábado a noite, quero morrer de rir sozinho, quero um lustre bem grande no meio
da sala, quero ter uma piscina no fundo do quintal para os dias quentes, quero
um jardim todo gramado com uma arvore imensa na frente da casa, assim terei
sempre o que fazer, mesmo que seja cuidar das plantas e aparar a grama.&nbsp;
Quero
um cômodo da casa com teto de vidro, quero dormir apenas sob a luz das
estrelas, quero um espaço onde eu possa acampar em casa, com direito a lanterna
e fogueira, quero não criar mais raízes, quero viver de canto em canto, de
lugar em lugar, quero viver rodeado de pessoas desconhecidas, não quero
conhecer ninguém, não faço questão, no fim todos de alguma forma seriam
atingidos, talvez eu não seja mesmo uma boa pessoa.
Já perdi muita coisa, muita gente... O mau de se apegar às
pessoas é que de uma hora pra outra elas mudam e te deixam só, partem com seus
outros amigos e companheiros e te deixam na primeira estação que a vida trazer...
Volto novamente à estaca zero, a não ter companhia nem pro cinema do fim de
semana... Cada um tem o seu próprio motivo, alguns são compreensíveis, outros
não, mas não vou dizer que é fácil, a indiferença contigo junto da solidão dentre
uma multidão de conhecidos, é a arma mais feroz, ela maltrata, mata aos poucos,
deveria um dia virar crime, rs.



&nbsp;Tenho chorado quase
todas as noites, muitos motivos que tiram o sono e durmo sem perceber. Vivo
meio estranho, não sei dizer, descobri que viver sob o descaso de alguém é a
pior parte de uma vida, não sei se mereço viver assim pra sempre, mas digo que
por mais má que a pessoa seja, merece ao menos ter a chance de viver só, em
algum lugar dela...

Tenho treinado para uma vida única, a experiência inicial
não tem sido muito boa, confesso, tenho sofrido um pouco, mas ainda é a minha
preferência, estou de partida, não pretendo me despedir, no fim, não terei
muitas pessoas a quem deixar pra traz, deixarei apenas marcas, marcas logo são
apagadas, como as escritas na areia.





Sinceramente, não ando muito bem, depois de algumas “surras”
fiquei meio desacorçoado, algumas marcas estão muito mal cicatrizadas, estou
convencido de que não sou forte o suficiente para viver em comunidade, em dupla
ou mesmo em casal, pretendo um dia comprar um peixe novamente, ouvi dizer que
peixes não sofrem com os donos.

Escolhi algumas coisas pra preencher o tempo, agora por
exemplo, corro no parque aos finais de semana. Estou tentando e, por tentar
conseguimos uma hora ficar bem.



Ps.: Decidi não levar lembranças, não quero mais lembrar,
quero viver anonimamente, sem laços, sem relações, sem sentimentos, sem, de
alguma forma estar preso e, sem prender de algum lado.



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<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>

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"...Tantas idas, tantas rotas, na bagagem feridas
Se houve marcas, revoltas, e breves despedidas..."

(Eu Acredito, Pimentas do Reino) 
&nbsp;