Partida.
Autor: Gabi Idealli | Publicado: 2012-08-31T07:41:00-07:00








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&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Minha
voz trêmula percorria ávida as linhas de um papel de notas todo amassado que
guardara para a ocasião. Tamanha fora a expectativa para a chegada do momento
que mal pude perceber o ambiente ao redor. Talvez por isso só dei-me conta do ocorrido algum tempo depois. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Tomei-me de um nervoso redemoinho de
sensações desagradáveis (e sem dúvida meu busto avermelhou-se sobremaneira que acabou
por delatar minha pseudo-determinação - não seria fácil, e não foi).

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; As palavras foram correndo mais
rápidas do que esperadas, mas não passaram de cinco ou seis. O corte veio
enfático. “O que você está querendo
dizer?” Antes que pudesse soltar algumas explicações, fui cortada novamente, dessa vez por um tom de voz um tanto
quanto maior do que o necessário. A vermelhidão apossou-se também delas.
Tentavam (e conseguiam, para a maioria dos presentes) simular indignação e
certeza. Suspiravam rapidamente para tomar fôlego e prosseguiam as injustiças
verbais, as quais todos puderam presenciar e ouvir.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Tomei-me de um susto quando percebi
que, na verdade, mal conseguira terminar minha primeira anotação do total de
quatro que tanto treinara na noite anterior com meu travesseiro.

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;As entonações e expressões que ali
percebia contradiziam toda minha natureza, minha&nbsp;calmaria. Inspirava silêncio, expirava
decepções. Mal dava tempo de tentar falar. Não me era permitido.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Um dos presentes optou por
levantar-se e sair. Claro, não ficaria em um local tão tumultuado e desprovido
de respeito para com suas palavras. E como todo faltante, sobrou para ele as
diversas incoerências. Mas dessas não me contive. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Em picados, em cortados, moídos, as
palavras foram proferidas por mim. A saída já era prevista, mas precisava ser
esclarecida e totalmente justificada. Acabou-se o suspense, já visualizava o quebra-cabeça
como um todo, as ações tomadas no decorrer de um longo ano.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Lutei comigo mesma para entender o
porquê de admirar (e querer bem) alguém que nos disse tantas palavras rudes,
impropérios que rasgaram qualquer vestígio de sentimento bom. Ao final, não ganhei
nem perdi. Vivi mais uma decepção. Que só deu as caras por tamanha expectativa
posta. E deposta.
<!--EndFragment-->