Frio
Autor: Lalacrazyeah | Publicado: 2011-02-11T02:27:00-08:00

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Tudo começou naquela bagunça. Tinha gente demais, o som tava muito alto e mesmo em meio a multidão nossos olhares se acharam através da neblina. Eu rí condescendente e ele veio até mim... Aquele beijo marcou minha vida, e foi aí que eu percebi que não era só coincidência, nem um simples encontro ao acaso. 
A cada momento estávamos mais juntos, apegados, mais encaixados um no outro, nos movendo no mesmo ritmo, caminhando na mesma direção para caminhos diferentes.. eu não sabia! Me entreguei e me encantei com cada gesto, cada palavra, via um infinito de possibilidades naquele olhar. E naquele quarto eu fui ele, fui eu, fui outras, fui a única, fui a mais importante e fui a rejeitada, naquele quarto me senti a pessoa mais infeliz e a mais realizada de mundo. Ao lado dele eu não tinha vergonha, nem mascaras. Eu tinha medo.
Fui possuída por uma ansiedade terrível, fiquei tensa, vivia cheia de medo. O medo de perder, medo de não agradar, medo de ser substituída por outra mais interessante que eu, talvez. Medo de ver o sol nascer, de ter que assumir que não ía ser pra sempre. Que aquele momento duraria apenas horas, minutos, segundos e não voltaria mais. Na minha memória cada sorriso é tão nítido, lembro-me de dar risada e achar ele um fofo*, ele falava besteirinhas e esnobava minha irritação, minha vergonha e falta de jeito confirmava o poder que ele tinha sobre mim, sobre meu corpo, sobre minha mente e minha vida. Sim, eu seria capaz de morrer para eternizar aquele momento, mas ele não faria o mesmo. Vivemos horas intensas, e discussões intermináveis, brigas que começavam sem motivo e grosserias que não nos levavam a lugar algum que não fosse de volta aquela cama pra fazer o que a gente sabia de melhor. Um olhar pela janela me dava noção do frio que fazia lá fora, mas entre nós se tornou pior, fiquei imaginando se ele conseguiria dormir depois de ouvir o que tava me machucando. Ele me deu um beijo na testa e me abraçou. Desisti.Seja numa música engraçada, numa bebida nojenta ou nas ligações fora de hora, seja numa tatuagem mal feita no braço, num sorriso gravado na memória, uma marca grudada no útero ou numa mágoa cravada no coração. Ele está comigo. Ele está em mim.A noite passada fui dormir bem, mas essa manhã acordei me sentindo como se os 300 cavalos da guarda de Esparta tivessem me pisoteado. Eu estava sozinha. E tudo aquilo que eu sonhei não passou de uma ilusão do meu subconsciente projetando em alguém que não é nem metade de um ser humano tudo o que um dia eu quis.