A lesma, o sal e o chefe
Autor: Higor Sousa Silva | Publicado: 2012-09-06T09:04:00-07:00




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Forçosamente estou naquela
reunião chata e com um chefe mais chato ainda, que não para de falar. Imagine
aqueles chefes bem insuportáveis, prolixos, e o pior de tudo, extremamente
prepotente e autossuficiente, o sabe tudo. As conversas vão e vêm, sem eira nem
beira, fica dando voltas e quando ele começa a falar sobre o tema, de repente,
ele muda o foco da conversa e pronuncia com aquela voz grave: sabe Ivan, o
plano de categoria dos empregados robóticos, então, fui eu que fiz. O chefe diz
com um sorriso levemente no rosto e esperando o espanto dos ouvintes.



Na ocasião, comecei a
imaginá-lo como uma lesma gigante, aquelas marrons, deixando o seu rastro
gosmento por onde passa. E eu pacientemente estou com um pacote de sal em
minhas mãos.&nbsp;



Cada conversa desnecessária
jogava um pouco de sal. Cada autoelogio que ele falava, ia mais um pouco de
cloreto de sódio nas ventas dele. Cada sorriso irônico ou galanteio inútil e
supérfluo, opa, foi sem querer, é porque escorregou o sal das minhas mãos. Aos
poucos, o molusco gigante ia definhando até sobrar àquela massa marrom, cheia
de muco no meio da sala.&nbsp;



Coitada das pequenas lesmas
que sofrem com esse problema, elas são supersensíveis a desidratação. São o
terror das donas de casa quando as veem devorando seus jardins, pomares e
hortas, que fora cuidado com tanto esmero, rapidamente as donas de casa correm
para a cozinha com um punhado de sal na mão e jogam nas bichinhas, e aos poucos
elas vão derretendo.



Não sou psicopata ou um serial killer, muito pelo contrário,
tento ser o mais paciente possível com as atitudes racionais (ou irracionais)
dos seres humanos. Suas vaidades me incomodam, mas eu os deixo comerem seu
próprio vômito. Mas quem nunca teve vontade de trucidar alguém indesejável? Com
um soco, um chute na cara, ou até mesmo um tiro no joelho para o tal indivíduo
nunca mais te esquecer.



Desperto do meu devaneio com
chamada do chefe:

- “Ivan, Ivan, você concorda
comigo?”

- “Claro”, respondo numa
tranquilidade forçada.&nbsp;





até breve...