O Conflito
Autor: Ray C. | Publicado: 2017-01-30T18:48:00-03:00

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Tenho certos conflitos que
escondo e não falo sobre para ninguém, pois, honestamente, não sei o que haverá
por trás desse conflito -&nbsp; sei muito
menos sobre o que há dentro dele. Tenho medo de encarar esse abismo pois não
sei o quão profundo ele é. Ao falar sobre o conflito, me assusta todas as
coisas que eu posso descobrir, coisas essas que escondo ainda mais
profundamente e nem eu mesma sei que tenho guardado. Ao olhar para ele, ele
olhará para mim, através de mim e me desvendará. Estarei nua diante dele, sem máscaras,
sem pele, sem proteção, indefesa como uma criança - e sozinha. Sozinha pois só
eu irei sentir o que o conflito irá me fazer, eu tenho medo de como irei
reagir. Talvez o conflito me cuspa e me ofenda, talvez ele me afogue em
angústia. Ou, talvez, encarar o conflito possa me curar...






Quando sequer ousam me perguntar
algo que me coloque na borda de tal conflito, eu entro em cena como atriz e
faço-os rir com alguma coisa idiota para que não queiram ver o que está por
trás da cortina. Escondo-me dele, de mim. Não quero resolver o conflito. 






Pois eu amo o conflito. Eu não me
lembro de como era o mundo sem o conflito. Novamente estaria nua, pois ele me
veste. Tenho medo, tenho medo. Sei que não o amo realmente, eu me desprezo por
ter chegado a tal ponto, mas. E se doer demais? E se eu não resistir a dor ou a
qualquer outro sentimento que me venha a surgir?






Eu não sei. Eu não sei se posso
sobreviver a mim.