WTLO - Season 1: Stuck on you - Chapter 9 - Lost in the echo
Autor: Lôa | Publicado: 2017-03-04T00:16:00-03:00


I was seething. I was pretty sure that the wrath boiling up inside of me could explode a whole neighborhood (if not the whole city). I wasn’t even seeing red anymore, I was seeing crimson, scarlet, I wanted to break something. Better yet, shatter, smash, shred something into a million pieces.

Strangely enough, my eyes started to sting, and therefore I had the urge to run as far from Edward’s house as possible, before the first anger tears were shed. And that would have been exactly what I would have done, if I hadn’t bumped into Bella.

“Jay!” She grabbed my arm and started pulling me back to the house. “I was just going to your house to look for you, what happened? I was worried.”

I opened my mouth to answer, but I never got to say anything.

“I’ve just called you minutes ago, but you didn’t answer… I thought you’d given up, but you don’t need to…” she kept talking and pulling me, completely unaware of how I was. “You don’t need to do it today, you can wait until tomorrow, and we can seat a little apart from everyone and talk some more until you feel you’re ready to do this…”

I stopped and braked her movement. &nbsp;

“I’m not talking to him.” I said even before she turned to me. “Not today, not ever.”


Bella looked at me with surprise, tilted her head and frowned.

“What?! Why? I thought you agreed that you can’t hide this from him.”

“I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want him to know.” my voice sounded strained.

Bella sighed and got closer, looking deep in my eyes.

“Jay, I know you’re afraid but… It won’t get any easier. The best thing to…”

“It doesn’t matter if I tell him, Bella!” I spat at her. “It won’t change anything!”

“Maybe not.” She said calmly, her brows raised in defiance. “But, first, you’ll never be able to live with it in secret. If you don’t tell him, it will undermine your friendship. And second… You’ll never know what can happen if you don’t try.

“Yeah, actually I know.” I answered angrily. “Nothing. Nothing would ever happen, nothing will ever happen. &nbsp;I knew it before, and I’m sure now. So, no point in telling him anything.”

“I thought you had decided to tell him because it would be the most honest attitude to take.” she spoke with clear irritation. “How will you be able to keep a secret like this from him? It’ll eat you alive, Jasper!”

“It doesn’t matter. It can eat me alive, I don’t care.” I replied harshly. “He doesn’t deserve my honesty. He’s not been honest with me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked with impatience. 

I took a deep breath, trying to keep the image of Edward kissing Rosalie away from my mind.

I felt the frown deforming my face, and the anger and jealousy burning inside my stomach.

“Jasper, please, answer me.” Bella demanded.

I looked at her, furious. “It’s Rose! The vulnerable one is my sister!” I explained in an acid tone and she made a dumbfounded face to me. “The girl he was waiting for an opportunity to approach is her.”

Bella seemed puzzled for a brief while, probably mulling where and when she’d heard those expressions before. I knew she would remember the day we were all at the pool and she had that conversation with Edward soon enough.

She didn’t disappoint me.

“It can’t be.” Bella mumbled, clearly surprised.

“Yes it can, and it is.” I reinforced.

“But… It doesn’t make sense…” She spoke to herself. Then she looked at me. “Are you sure?”

I huffed, impatient.

 “I just saw him with her, OK?” I kind of whispered-yelled. “They were kissing. So, yeah, I guess I’m sure.”

She looked aghast for a moment, but recovered quickly.

“Edward and Rose...?” She seemed surprised and skeptic. “Something’s off…”

“Bella, I saw them! Nobody told me, I saw them with my own eyes.”

She inhaled deeply, looked around like clearing her mind, put one of her hands on her forehead and looked at me again.

“Jay, look, there must be an explanation for that. It makes no sense. I’m sure this is a misunderstanding.” Her voice was as tense as she seemed.

But at that moment I didn’t really care. I was hurt and furious, and I just wanted to go away from there as fast as possible.

“You can think whatever you want… I’m outta here.” I said and stepped away from her, prepared to go back to the garage and retrieve my bike.

“Where are you going?” She asked, coming after me.

“Home.”

“You can’t simply leave. You’re really not talking to him?”

I stopped walking and looked at her, feeling beyond annoyed.

“No, Bella. I’m not. Don’t you see what he’s just done?” 

“Actually no, I don’t.” She answered harshly. “I understand that, if he’s with Rose it will hurt you, but… Does it really make him unworthy of the truth? Does it make him any less of a friend?”

“Yes, it does!” I almost yelled. “You don’t understand.” I shook my head. “He knew how I would feel about it. I told him.”

“You told him?” Her expression was distraught. “But you said…”

“Not about me.” I explained. “About him being with her.”

“Wait, I’m totally confused here…”

“It doesn’t matter, OK? I just… I need to go.” I turned and walked.

But she was determined. She came after me again and this time she was kind of angry. She held my arm forcefully, and I looked at her surprised. She was pretty small and thin to have all that strength. 

“You’re not going anywhere until we figure this out. I won’t let you screw up your friendship with Edward because of an assumption.” Yes, she was angry.

I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes for an instant, trying to calm down and not take it out on her. It wasn’t her fault.

“Bella, please?” I asked in a quavering voice, feeling my eyes stinging intensely. Her stance softened. “It’s not an assumption, I saw the two of them together, kissing. It hurts, OK?” My voice broke and I had to pause and breathe before continuing. “Not only the fact that he hid this from me, but also the fact that he knew I wouldn’t like it. He’s been disloyal to me and it’s not the first time.”

“Don’t be stupid, Jay...” She said with kindness saturating her voice. “You’re not sure of what happened. You need to, at least, ask him.” &nbsp;

“Ask him what?! If he’s into my sister? &nbsp;How could he not be if he was kissing her?” I questioned impatiently, making an spontaneous and irritated large gesture with my arms.

Bella took my hands on hers and held them firmly.

“Please, stop.” She demanded in a serious tone. “Just breathe.”

I did as I was told, and one tear escaped from one of my eyes. I closed them.

Bella sighed and let go of one of my hands to dry it with a soft finger. I sighed too.

“Jay, look at me…” I heard her and obeyed. “Be rational. This is your broken heart speaking, and I understand, but… Don’t screw everything up.”

“What’s more there to screw up, huh? He did it already.” I said in a tired voice.

“He doesn’t know you…” She broke off and huffed. “Just give him a chance, will you? He would do the same for you, and you know it.”

I exhaled heavily and diverted my eyes from hers, looking at the white fences that surrounded the house. “I can’t.” I whispered through gritted teeth. “I’m raging, Bella.”

As &nbsp;she held my face to force me to look at her, I was hit by his presence. It reached me before his voice, like a sudden wave, powerful and unexpected. I closed my eyes again.

“Hey, you’re here.” He said from behind me, and I could identify, easily, the smile in his tone.

Bella pressed her fingers in my temples. I opened my eyes and saw hers, and they were fierce in mine. She mouthed “talk to him”. I shook my head once before I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, probably noticing Bella’s distress by her facial expression.

The anger roared inside me, making me turn to him abruptly, removing his hand violently from my shoulder with the movement.

I looked at him with clear ire pouring out of my eyes intentionally, so there was no room left for doubt.

He gasped, plainly surprised.

“What…?” He started to ask, confusion written all over his face, but I never let him finish.

“Let’s talk.” I demanded and passed by him, walking towards the house without waiting for him.

As soon as I entered the kitchen I clenched my fists and leaned them on the counter, my head bowed as I was trying to breathe as slowly as I could, despite of the boiling rage that was tearing me apart. 

“What was that?” His voice was hurt.

I sighed forcefully and looked at him standing on the doorway, not worrying even a bit about the notorious fact that I was letting all my nuisance transpire.

“That’s exactly what I’d like to know.” I sounded really stern, and he looked even more hurt and confused.

“What are you talking about? You want me to tell you why you seem furious at me?”

“Oh, c’mon!” I banged my fists on the counter for emphasis. “You’re not stupid, Edward! You know fully well what I’m talking about.”

“No, I don’t.” He affirmed while creasing his forehead. His eyes were getting darker by the second. “All I know is that you just looked at me like I committed a crime or something. ” His voice was strained.

“Not a crime… But definitely treason.”

He frowned and tilted his head to the side, blinking his eyes as if trying to put pieces of a puzzle together.

“You’re really gonna pretend you don’t know?!”

He simply kept looking at me with his brows furrowed.

“You were kissing my sister just minutes ago!” I spat.

He seemed shocked at first. Then confused. And finally embarrassed. He shook his head.

“Don’t deny it, I saw!”

“It’s not what you’re…”He tried.

“Oh, really?!” I interrupted him harshly amid a huffed sneer, not even bothering to hide my jealousy. “It’s not what I’m thinking? Really, Edward, can’t you choose a little more authentic excuse?” 

“But it’s really not…” he tried again, this time stepping closer to the counter.

“Well, it pretty much looked like you two were kissing.” I cut him off again, faking confusion. “But, wait,” I was being so ironic that he shook his head while his eyes roamed a little unfocused. “maybe you were just talking really close to each others’ mouths!” My voice got hard and louder. “And the thing is, you knew I didn’t want you to do this!”

His body got rigid, I could notice it as soon as it happened. And his face assumed this surprised-dubious expression.

“I-I knew… That you didn’t want…?” He was cautious now.

“I told you!” I kind of screamed. I was totally losing it. “On my birthday!”

“Jasper, you…” He exhaled, obviously disturbed and confused. “You didn’t tell me anything, you simply…”

“I told you I was jealous!” And that was when my voice got loud enough to make him flinch.

 All of a sudden I realized I was exposing everything. Every fucking feeling I had for him was there, out in the open, for anybody to see. If he hadn’t noticed it before, he was certainly noticing now.

Great. At least I got to do what I had decided to do before this whole shit came out . &nbsp;Telling him what I was feeling. Well, I wasn’t exactly telling him, it was more like… Disclosing it but, anyway...

We looked at each other for a while. He, breathing hard and sustaining a hurt and disturbed expression on his face. I, glaring at him despite the mortification of knowing that all I felt for him was so truly exposed.

“Look, nothing happened between me and your sister.” he tried to assure me, and I found his voice slightly desperate. “What you saw…”

“You kissed her,” I interrupted him again in an angry tone “and that’s not nothing. You… Betrayed me.” I could identify clearly the hurt in my words and tone, but I didn’t really care if he could notice. “Again.”

He came around the counter in my direction and my whole body trembled in anticipation. I couldn’t tell whether it was because I yearned his proximity or was afraid of an overreaction on my part. I was really shaken, nervous, angry… I wasn’t sure I could handle myself. So I stood my ground, fixing my gaze on my fists pressed on the counter top.

“Jay, you know I didn’t…” He tried, and I saw his left hand reaching for my shoulder with my peripheral view.

I dodged it just as he was about to touch me.

“It doesn’t matter.” I stated over his words. “I know you want to be with her.” I looked at him and his eyes were a mix of confusion and hurt. “I know you were talking about her that Sunday at the pool with Bella. And I heard you saying you like her just now.”

He huffed and shook his head slightly. “You got everything wro…”

“Whatever.” I disrupted again. “You’ll just keep trying to convince me you did nothing wrong.” I diverted my eyes from his face and exhaled heavily.

“Jay, can you just, please, let me explain?” He tried, but I shook my head. “You’re not letting me talk, you’re not listening to a word I’m saying…”

“Cuz I don’t care.” I said, low but harshly, breaking his tentative speech once again, too afraid of what I would listen. “Not anymore.” I sighed and bowed my head deeply, feeling it heavy between my shoulders. “Just… Be away from me from now on.” I demanded and moved, intending to get out of there. For good.

But Edward wasn’t having it. “Wait.” He held my arm, strongly, and I was forced to stop. 

He turned me around to him with some force, but I could tell he was trying hard not to hurt my arm. “What are you saying?!”

I looked into his eyes and I could see it… I could see clearly the dread he felt over my attitude. He could recognize the situation, I could tell. By the hurt gaze he was addressing me, I knew… He realized we’d been there before, in that exact situation… Getting apart. And he knew well the hurt that was about to come. His as well as mine.

I felt strangely accomplished. It was terribly selfish on my part to feel and think that way but, at least he was hurt like I was.

“I’m saying that we’re done.” My tone sounded incredibly steady. “I told you… Back then… When we made amends after that whole Alice shit… I was pretty clear when I asked you to be loyal, to tell me everything and not to hide anything from me again… I told you I wouldn’t forgive another time. Not another betrayal… And you did it. You did it again.”

“I didn’t.” His voice was broken and I had the impression there was a bit of fear in his gaze.

But it didn’t matter, because I was determined. 

“We’re through, Edward.” I spoke hurriedly, before he could finish his sentence. “And this time... We’re through for good.”

I guessed he understood I was being dead serious, cause before the last of my word got out of my mouth his hand loosened its hold on my arm, and his face was suddenly livid. He heaved a weighty sigh while tears were pooling in his eyes.

Good.

I took two steps towards the door before I heard him and stopped.

“You’re being unfair and irrational. You’re not letting me explain. I didn’t do anything.” He paused. 

I shook my head and heaved a sigh before taking another step. &nbsp;&nbsp;

“Jasper, if you go through this door…” I sighed again and turned only my head to look at him. “...I won’t go after you like last time.” 

I felt a twinge in my heart, but the anger, the jealousy I felt, and my stupidity, spoke louder.

“Fine.” I replied indifferently.

I didn’t look back another time. I marched firmly until I was out. 

Only when I notice I was on the porch, at the backyard, in front of the pool and all my friends, I realized how disturbed I was. I could have gone out through the kitchen outer door, and avoid all the curious glances directed at me at that moment.

I spotted Bella, sitting with my beloved sister, Jacob and Emmet on the pool border. She had this anxious, worried glint in her eyes. The others seemed agog, but trying to hide their concern.

I panicked.

I don't know why, but I simply felt terrified, as if everybody knew what I was hiding…

I was dreading the idea of being there among them. I could not face them. They knew something had happened between me and Edward, they were going to question me, and I could not answer…

I had to get away. But I was stuck on the spot, aghast.

“Jazzy!” I heard the familiar annoying voice and looked promptly to my side.

Suddenly I knew exactly what to do.

I rushed down the porch steps to her and took one of her wrists impulsively.

“Take me outta here.” I spoke hastily.

Alice nodded immediately, taking my hand and pulling me with her.

I didn't look at my friends. I knew they would be puzzled with my unusual behavior, after all I avoided being alone with Alice at all cost, usually barely speaking to her. 

But I looked back at the porch, before turning on the corner of the house, just to confirm what my awareness was telling me.

Edward was there, looking at me and Alice, perplexed.

*

What time is it?

I was in a bed, in a room… A familiar room.

Where am I?

I couldn't remember… I closed my eyes.

“Feel better?” The annoying voice forced me to open my eyes again.

I sighed and looked to the side.

This is Alice's room. What am I doing here?

I realized I was in her bed. Shit! At least I was still wearing my jeans. I hadn't done anything stupid. I looked at her. She was lying by my side.

I need to get out...

“What am I doing here?” I verbified my previous thought.

“Resting.” She said with a large smile.

Oh, I remember…

“You took me to the Backdoor. You asked Sally to let us in and she complied, even though it was closed.” Alice nodded.

“You drank a lot…” She completed. “And when you started to mumble about Edward, Sally and I thought it was better to take you home.”

I panicked. I had talked about Edward to Alice? I was doomed.

“What did I say?” I urged, sitting hastily.

“Nothing comprehensible.” She said shrugging.

I sighed, relieved.

“You said you thought you should take me home.” She nodded, mischief glowing in her eyes. “So why &nbsp;am I here?”

“You asked me not to take you home.” She shrugged. “You said your mother would call you father as soon as you got home that drunk, and then he would come back from the training camp just to kill you. So I brought you here.”

“Thanks.” I said plainly. “What time is it?”

She looked calmly at her watch.

“Fifteen to two”.

For a split moment I was tranquil. It was still early and I wouldn't be late for dinner. My curfew wasn’t suspended just because my father was travelling. He’d usually call by eight just to make sure Rosalie and I were at home and having dinner with mom. But then I looked at the window and noticed the darkness outside.

“Fifteen to two… PM?” I asked already feeling the dread.

“No. Fifteen to two AM.” Alice answered nonchalantly.

“Holy shit!” I panted. “My father will kill me.”

I pushed away the sheet that was covering me to the waist and got up in a hurry, as if the world was falling apart, almost falling flat on the floor. 

“What are you doing?” She asked as I stepped out of the bed.

“I need to go home. I was supposed to be there at eight…” I answered while putting my shoes that, thank God, were on the floor right in front of me.”

“Your mother knows you're here. No need for panic.”

I straightened up and looked at her hastily.

“She knows I'm here?” I asked skeptically.

“uh-huh, as well as Emmet and Edward.”

The mention of his name, much more than the notion that he knew I'd been in Alice's house (room, bed!), kind of shook me. I was really hurt and still too angry. But I contained myself.

“Care to elaborate?” I mostly demanded.

She shrugged and smiled, the pixie demon.

“As soon as we arrived here you practically fainted on my bed. I tried to wake you up but you were totally out. So I called your mother and said you had a terrible stomachache, and that I had given you a medicine that would make you sleep for some hours.” She winked at me. “She asked if you were alright and I confirmed, then I said I thought it &nbsp;would be better if you stayed here. She thanked me and asked me to take care of you. Some hours later your father called from camp to check if you were better and I said you were still sleeping. He thanked me.” She smiled. “I think he still likes me.” She said with enthusiasm.

I frowned. Yeah, he still liked her. He often asked me why I had broken up with her. I never exposed my shame… But so I could understand how easily he was convinced by her lies. I also was once…

“What about Emm and Edward?” I sat on the bed by her side. My voice was strained.

She sighed happily, seeming too content. It made me restless.

“They were here something like an hour ago…” She spoke with such joy, I knew she was up to something. 

“Here in your room? Why?”

“Emm came to ask me to tell something to our parents.” She told me calmly, shrugging again.

“So they saw me.” I mumbled unhappily.

“Yep!”

I bowed my head, feeling not only worried, but also ashamed. For sure Edward was even angrier at me, thinking I had given in to Alice, what would be a screaming proof of my weakness.

I didn't want anyone to think I was a stupid lovesick bastard, that even after all she had done to me I would run to her bed in the first opportunity. Especially not Edward.

I sighed thinking how disappointed in me he was by then.

It doesn't matter anyway. We’re done... 

Who am I kidding? I still care. It doesn't matter we're done. I don't want him thinking I have anything to do with Alice. 

All of a sudden Alice's hands were on my face, forcing me to look at her. I shivered involuntarily.

“Since you're here, why don't we take advantage of this perfect opportunity?” She actually giggled. And I controlled another shiver. 

“Alice, this is not an opportunity.” I cut her off coldly. “This is just a regrettable mistake. I shouldn't have gone out with you in the first place.”

I held her hands, took them off my face and stood up. She sighed.

“Don't be so difficult. You know you want me.”

“I have to go.” I said ignoring her completely and picking up my shirt on the nightstand.

“You don't. We still have the whole night, pumpkin…” Alice whined while I was putting the shirt on and getting to the door. I had to gather all my &nbsp;willpower to prevent myself from snapping at her. “We have the house to ourselves. My parents won’t arrive until six and Emmet just went camping with Edward.”

I looked at her barely controlling the surprise caused by the information, but letting my despise for her show.

“I want nothing with you, Alice. I simply used you. I needed an excuse to get out of Edward's house, and you were there.” My voice was cold, as my gaze on her. “Don’t be fooled.”

“I know it’s never gonna be this simple between you and me, Jazzy…” She replied, conceited. “I know you still have feelings for me. You can deny all you want, and pretend you’re so over me… ‘Cause I know the truth.” Her stance, as her tone and her facial expression guaranteed me she really believed in what she was saying.

Poor Alice.

I chuckled once before shaking my head.

“Go ahead and think whatever you want, candy.” I spoke wryly making an ironic use of my former nickname for her. “I couldn’t care less.”

And that said I got out of her room and hurried out of the house.

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