EU  SÓ  QUERIA  SABER...
Autor: Maria Tude | Publicado: 2017-07-04T19:31:00-03:00





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Podem os tempos ser diferentes, mas são sempre atuais na dor
da saudade! Buscamos explicações, ouvimos explicações diferentes, de diferentes
fontes... Algumas, até nós aceitamos, mas não amortecem a dor de tanta
saudade... Queríamos ao menos “ver”, saber de quem amamos... E isso torna-se
absolutamente atual e intenso, quando paramos e, de repente, revivemos a agonia
da perda. Com o tempo passando, pareceu, às vezes, que estávamos nos
acostumando com a falta da presença, com a falta de notícias. Mas, ao menor sinal
de uma possível “aproximação”, volta o anseio de um contato mais próximo,
talvez em sonhos, devaneios ou em mensagens...&nbsp;



“Eu só queria saber, como vai você!” Se alguém sonhou, eu
quero saber: Como foi? Como você estava? O que você falava? Por que eu não
sonho com você? Por que sonho tão pouco? Por que não me lembro? Parece um
castigo! Será que não mereço? E quando sonho, quero “segurar” o sonho, mas ele
se vai... E “recados”?... Não importa o que acreditávamos ser verdade e possível
antes da perda (religiões, filosofias, ciência). Agora tudo mudou e iniciamos
verdadeira peregrinação atrás de notícias...&nbsp;
Quero saber: Como vive? Com quem está? Está bem? Ah, meu Deus, não quero
que sofra, que se sinta esquecido, que tenha saudades! Mas também não quero que
nos esqueça, nem que não tenha saudades!!! Quantos sentimentos confusos em
nossa sofrida humanidade!&nbsp;



Separações são horríveis, sempre! Nossa condição humana, tão
controversa, tão apegada, ainda lida muito mal com a impermanência de tudo e de
todos, principalmente de nossos amores. Fomos separados à nossa revelia. Ficaram
tantas coisas por dizer... Não era isso que queríamos, que esperávamos para
nossa vida. Se você tivesse ido por vontade própria, isso talvez me magoasse,
me irritasse e a raiva certamente me daria força para reagir melhor. Talvez
doesse menos, mas não foi isso que aconteceu...



E hoje, tento não ficar lembrando ou pensando muito, porque
então dói demais... Estou com saudade! Por baixo da correria do meu dia a dia,
cheio de motivos para não pensar, não sentir – está você, meu amor, minha dor,
minha culpa, minha saudade... E, então, a toda hora, penso e repito, num gemido
baixinho, só ara mim mesma – “Eu só queria saber como vai você!”