Reflexão
Autor: Anna Valentina | Publicado: 2013-11-12T19:07:00-08:00

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 Quando eu tento
pensar num princípio para esse sentimento a confusão toma conta das minhas
noites e tudo começa a ficar mais vazio, mais úmido e cabisbaixo. Se atento-me
pela lógica, tiro lições das quais eu sempre soube, tenho em mim a sina da
solidão e aceito-a há tempos, fora isso, nada mais sei que poderia aprender.&nbsp;

Talvez
seja um equívoco dizer, porém, eu o amo. Contudo, percebo que o mesmo
sentimento não o atinge e se acaso, em algum momento, este veio a beirá-lo,
certeza tenho de que ele o vetou de toda as formas possíveis, afinal, é
compreensivo, não? O que faria alguém como ele vir a sentir algo por alguém
como eu? Sou sinônimo de problemas, além disso, inútil a seus olhos. Tento reeducar
meus sentimentos em prol apenas da sua felicidade, ele merece alguém especial,
alguém que o faça sorrir aquele sorriso tão lindo e brando, alguém que cuide
dos seus desleixos e nunca o deixe sentir-se só. Ele merece felicidade e se
esse é o máximo que posso desejar-lhe, o farei sem desejar ele em si. 

Meu maior problema, no entanto, é a saudade, dos sentimentos
um dos mais infames, fazendo com que eu me traia repetidas vezes e vá a sua
procura, mesmo sabendo que na maioria das vezes eu só o incomodo. Então me
sinto perdida, sou tão fraca que não consigo lutar contra meus próprios
impulsos inconvenientes que sempre me levam a chama-lo. Mesmo depois das inúmeras
indiretas, como posso? Tamanha é minha sem-vergonhice com meus chamegos. Ridícula!
eu sei. Só não sei como frear-me.