Confissões
Autor: Aline Bezerra | Publicado: 2011-05-10T18:49:00-07:00

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Confesso que já varei madrugadas acordada em busca de uma solução pra nós, noites em que o corpo suplicava descanso em reflexo a um dia exaustivo, mas a mente insistia em permanecer ativa, na esperança de que entre o silêncio e a escuridão do quarto os nossos desencontros viessem a ter cura. Como se acreditasse que a solução fosse como uma luzinha fraca que só pudesse ser vista na total escuridão, ou mesmo uma voz baixinha que só fosse ouvida na completa ausência de som.Confesso que quando a mente cansava-se de tanto procurar, e os olhos finalmente se fechavam exaustivos, os sonhos viam repletos da gente, um misto de momentos que vivemos e reencontros, amontoados de emoções vivas, que se materializavam em cheiros, tato e sensações, fazendo-me acreditar que você estava realmente ali, tão perto. Confesso que ao amanhecer, quando o sol trazia consigo a claridade e o som da manhã quebrava o silêncio, me despertando aos poucos dos nossos sonhos, entre o sono profundo e o totalmente acordada eu cheguei a te procurar, ao meu lado, na cama. E eram esses segundos que me traziam a realidade, como nas noites em que sonhamos caindo e o susto nos faz acordar. Confesso que no momento do despertar, algumas vezes o coração batia descompassado, provocando uma pequena dor que dava origem a algumas lágrimas. Nesse instante eu não queria mais uma solução para nossos desencontros, eu só queria um encontro, um momento em que nada mais existisse além de nós.Confesso que mesmo nos momentos em que a saudade sufocava, eu evitei te ligar, simplesmente por não suportar o desconforto de manter uma conversa formal com você.Confesso que algumas vezes eu aceitei as condições dessas conversas, na esperança de tentar decifrar seus sentimentos por mim, como quem procura algo que nunca perdeu, apenas não sabe ao certo onde guardou.Confesso que muitas vezes achar esse amor, foi ainda mais desesperador, como se fosse uma projeção, e não pudesse ser materializado, algo que eu pudesse ver e sentir, mas não estivesse ao meu alcance. &nbsp;Confesso que diversas vezes tentei protegê-lo desse sentimento, escondendo o meu amor por ti, por medo que este viesse a prendê-lo de alguma forma, impossibilitando que você enxergasse outras opções, opções mais convenientes que eu. Confesso que já tentei transferir esse amor para outras pessoas, pessoas que desejavam o meu amor. Porém era nessas horas que a sua presença se tornava ainda mais forte, e eu descobri que o amor é um sentimento personalíssimo, e o que eu sinto por você não pode pertencer a mais ninguém.Confesso que essas confissões foram feitas, sobretudo para mim mesma, por muito tempo foi de mim mesma que tentei esconder o nosso amor, foi para me proteger da sensação perturbadora da injustiça da nossa separação, que eu cheguei há acreditar que o tempo colocaria nossas vidas no lugar. Confesso que foi justamente o tempo que me fez aceitar a impossibilidade de nossas vidas separadas, foi esse tempo de separação que me fez ver que muita coisa mudou, mas tem uma que insiste em permanecer presente: o nosso amor.