COMO PEDIR UMA PIZZA EM 2030
Autor: ERALDO BATISTA | Publicado: 2011-07-27T20:10:00-07:00

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  Telefonista: Pizza Hot, boa noite!&nbsp;
Cliente: Boa noite! Quero encomendar pizzas...
Telefonista: Pode me dar o seu NIDN?
Cliente: Sim, o meu Número de Identificação Nacional é 6102-1993-8456-54632107. 

Telefonista: Obrigada, Sr.Lacerda. Seu endereço é Avenida Paes de Barros, 1988, ap. 5 B, e o número de seu telefone é 5494-2366, certo? O telefone do seu escritório da Lincoln Seguros é o 5745-2302 e o seu celular é 9266-2566.

Cliente: Como você conseguiu essas informações todas?
Telefonista: Nós estamos ligados em rede ao Grande Sistema Central. 
Cliente: Ah, sim, é verdade! Eu queria encomendar duas pizzas, uma de quatro queijos e outra de calabresa...
Telefonista: Talvez não seja uma boa idéia...
Cliente: O quê?

Telefonista: Consta na sua ficha médica que o Senhor sofre de hipertensão e tem a taxa de colesterol muito alta. Além disso, o seu seguro de vida proíbe categoricamente escolhas perigosas para a sua saúde.
Cliente: É, você tem razão! O que você sugere?Telefonista: Por que o Senhor não experimenta a nossa pizza Superlight, com tofu e rabanetes? O Senhor vai adorar! 
Cliente: Como é que você sabe que vou adorar?
Telefonista: O Senhor consultou o site “Recettes Gourmandes au Soja”, da Biblioteca Municipal, dia 15 de janeiro, às 4h27minh, onde permaneceu conectado à rede durante 39 minutos. Daí a minha sugestão... 
Cliente: OK, está bem! Mande-me duas pizzas tamanho família!
Telefonista: É a escolha certa para o Senhor, sua esposa e seus 4 filhos, pode ter certeza.

Cliente: Quanto é? 
Telefonista: São R$ 79,99.
Cliente: Você quer o número do meu cartão de crédito?
Telefonista: Lamento, mas o Senhor vai ter que pagar em dinheiro. O limite do seu cartão de crédito já foi ultrapassado. 
Cliente: Tudo bem, eu posso ir ao Multibanco sacar dinheiro antes que chegue a pizza.
Telefonista: Duvido que consiga! O Senhor está com o saldo negativo
no banco. 
Cliente: Mas o que é isso ?!!!! Mande-me as pizzas que eu arranjo o dinheiro. Quando é que entregam? 
Telefonista: Estamos um pouco atrasados, serão entregues em 45 minutos. Se o Senhor estiver com muita pressa pode vir buscá-las, se bem que transportar duas pizzas na moto não é aconselhável, além de ser perigoso...
Cliente: Mas que história é essa, quem foi que disse que eu vou de moto? 
Telefonista: Peço desculpas, mas reparei aqui que o Sr. não pagou as últimas prestações do carro e ele foi penhorado. Mas a sua moto está paga, e então pensei que fosse utilizá-la...
Cliente: @#%/§@&amp;?#&gt;§/%#!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Telefonista: Gostaria de pedir ao Senhor para não me insultar... Não se esqueça de que o Senhor já foi condenado em julho de 2006 por desacato em público a um Agente Regional. O senhor não é mais réu primário ...
Cliente: (Silêncio)
Telefonista: Mais alguma coisa? 
Cliente: Não, é só isso... Não, espere... Não se esqueça dos 2 litros de Coca-Cola que constam na promoção. 
Telefonista: Senhor, o regulamento da nossa promoção, conforme citado no artigo 3095423/12, nos proíbe de vender bebidas com açúcar a pessoas diabéticas... 
Cliente: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!&nbsp; Vou me atirar pela janela!!!!!
Telefonista: Grande coisa! Aqui diz que o senhor mora num apartamento térreo! 
Luiz Fernando Veríssimo