Capítulo 5 (e último) do conto "Eu, Deus"
Autor: Paulo Paiva | Publicado: 2011-10-25T07:36:00-07:00

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&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Capítulo 5: O FimO nada. O nada absoluto e senhor de tudo. O nada. O horror. O horror negro e seco. O horror.Coma. Estava em coma num hospital. Havia falhado de novo. Escuridão. Trevas. Dor. Sombras. Insanidade. Sem conseguir me mexer, sonhei como só os loucos ou os deuses sonham.Lembro-me de alguns sonhos. Num deles, lobos me cercavam por todos os lados. Aconchegavam-se nas minhas pernas e lambiam meu rosto. Em outro, o diabo, sempre de terno, dançava e cantarolava uma canção infantil, algo como “vamos passear no bosque enquanto Seu Lobo não vem”. E gargalhava como um deus. Até que Deus apareceu e ele se retirou. Fitou-me nos olhos, mas nada disse. Foi embora com seu séquito de anjos. Então surgiu Nietzsche. Olhou-me com ironia e disse por trás de seu vasto bigode: “Ainda está vivo? Pois morra se for mesmo um deus”. Vi quando chorou.Quando não sonhava, eram apenas trevas, sombras e dor. E frio. Fazia muito frio. Finalmente, no um mês depois, abri os olhos. Yasmin estava ao meu lado. Estou salvo, pensei. Minha mulher está aqui. Está tudo certo. Ela vai tomar conta de mim. E apaguei de novo.No 45º dia saí do hospital. Yasmin levou-me para casa até que me recuperasse. Tratou-me bem, cuidou dos meus ferimentos, deixou que visse meus filhos. Não conversava muito. Mas suspirou aliviada quando finalmente me recuperei completamente e avisei que já poderia ir embora. Percebi que meu lugar nunca mais seria ali. Já a havia machucado o suficiente.Coloquei algumas roupas na mala e beijei-a no rosto. Ela ficou imóvel. Beijei Pedro e Mel. Ninguém me perguntou para onde eu ia nem eu disse nada. Peguei uma latinha de cerveja, ônibus e fui parar no litoral da Bahia. Encontrei uma vila de pescadores e comprei um pequeno barco de pesca.Numa manhã de sol, enchi uma caixa de isopor com latinhas de cerveja, entrei no barco e naveguei sem parar durante horas. Quando o combustível finalmente acabou, era uma noite sem estrelas e eu estava em mar aberto, completamente bêbado, perdido e com a última latinha nas mãos. Não haveria mais volta. Não havia mais nada a fazer. A partir daquele momento, eu seria um deus do mar.