Internal sbrables
Autor: cheshire cat | Publicado: 2013-09-27T18:46:00-03:00

Is it fair that once again i had to leave my self determination behind ? That drops my self confidence even in other areas, makes me feel week before myself!I said i was going to wait for the dude to come and ask me out. I started hittibng clearly on him wednesday, after dating him one weekend and fucking him on the next, and full of regrets already but that was the least i could do to forgive myself for trying my piece of the "meet you half way".I dont want to be the one that goes there and picks the guy by the hand anymore! Does anu guy goes until this sort of half way nowadays? Seems like not.So i bothered myself on that very disturbing paranoic drugged way only i know how (and i assure u it's unbearable after a while!!!!) and came up with the questions i thought i could avoid.Things like "since u didnt ask me out" and "plans for next weekend?" Are examples of sentences that officially came out of my mouth (not mouth, fingers, whatsup communication or facebook).Really. Oh, really! Juliana, what the FUCK!Didnt your friend teach u anything?U dont know how to be single...But i admit i dont. And i dont wanna change that. I wanst born for this generation, no way. I cant date one person each week, sounds impossible and inconvenient. I cant just kiss for kiss, my objective when i go out is to have fun not to grab people. Score is to dance all night long, and if i have to open exception for this jt better be for a very specific and worth reason.No i cant keep dating the person for 6, 8 months randomly, just because he doesnt want commitment and wants to keep kissing people on the bars without headache.I want a boyfriend. I want someone that fits my patterns.Or i just rather stay alone! Im done fitting the world just because im different. Let me be.It's like my nutrition life style. People feel sorry for me when i eat salad and fish and i deny the desserts. Why??? Im very happy with my food, it's my taste, my choice!!!! Sometimes i eat, but must be for a good special reason - like my random scapes for sex.&nbsp;If i had a boyfriend i would have my sexual life setup again. Never wanted to cheat for i was fully satisfied sexually.Now..... Since i dont have , when i find someone that could mean anything like a possibility if a boyfriend even if in a remote future (according to my unnusual filters of selection), i try to grab him.But usually someone else (more interesting then me, not hard at all) is also on my step.I keep losing.I keep trying to fight.But im done fighting. I want peace!!!!I'll just rest my horse under some tree here and give him some water, some food, see how much long he can take on this road.&nbsp;After this, i'll see how long i will be able to take on the long walk.And see what will be after the red desert.I will make my tattoo one of these days.It's true."Losing all hope is freedom."----- now to celebrate the iron maiden moment, my favorite:Laying awake at night i wipe the sweat from my browsBut it's not the fear'Cause i'd rather go now....Trying to visualize the horrors that the way lay aheadThe desert sand moundThe burial groundWhen it comes to the time are we partners in crime?When it comes to the time we'll be ready to die?So god let us go down and finish what's to be doneThy kingdom comeThy will be done on the earthTrying to justify to ourselves our reasons to goShould we leave or let liveForget or forgiveBut how did we let them go on this wayThe reign of terror corruption must endAnd we know, deep down, there's no other wayNo trust. No reason. No more to say.