sexta
Autor: Alana Phibes | Publicado: 2017-03-10T13:35:00-08:00



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A noite cai e meu desespero não é nem de longe grave como eu
esperava. Está presente, no entanto. Muito presente. Essa consciência dolorosa
que não se aparta de mim se não por poucos segundos antes de retornar, mais
afiada que nunca. O dia foi quente, por isso ao deitar no chão em posição fetal
recebo com certa gratidão o frio do piso. A lágrima que escorre é quente em
contraste. Como sou ridícula. Diz-se que a gente ri da gente
mesmo depois que passa ridículo, mas não creio muito nisso. Comigo não
acontece, não consigo rir.
Tomo do brinquedo de borracha deixado ali pela cachorrinha e acaricio suas
reentrâncias, o coração transido de dor. Não existe remédio, não existe fuga. É
a dor ali nua e crua, no mais clichê dos clichês, e eu sempre soube que ela
viria. Desde o início da história eu já conhecia seu final, assim como sabemos quando
compramos uma coisa que é muito cara e além de nossas posses, como vai ser trabalhoso
pagá-la. Mas a promessa de prazer ali naquela hora apaga todo o resto, e a
prudência vai pelos ares. E a cobrança chega, inevitável, inadiável, e leva
todas as economias que restam na alma exausta, quebrada, magra. Abro a
carteira, abro o coração. Pode levar tudo, mas leve tudo, não me deixe com
nada. Leve a alegria e a tristeza, leve as lembranças pelo amor de deus, me
deixe nua, não importa se eu sentir frio, não quero nada em mim. Dessa vez,
cobradores, levem tudo. Não quero nada. A paz está na ausência total.