Diante de mim não estou
Autor: Marco Galindo | Publicado: 2011-04-03T17:33:00-07:00

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 <![endif]-->  &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Descobri que, para escrever, devo me permitir sofrer. Parece óbvio há algumas vidas, não sei ao certo, só sei que faço – e funciona como quando eu te encontrei e você me encontrou e nós nos encontramos falando coisas bonitas e sem nenhum sentido, mas que funcionavam perfeitamente para nós – não sei quem éramos nós, acho que tínhamos todas as ambições do mundo, nenhuma e, ao mesmo tempo, a maior.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Só que chega uma hora em que não precisarei mais me permitir sofrer. O meu sofrimento é que me permitirá alguns momentos de amnésia, alguma calmaria, tudo de forma bem tirânica – me permitirá um descanso do lápis e do papel.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Minha paz tem prazo de validade. Acho que quem vive de paz infinita é santo e eu bem sei que pequei inúmeras vezes com a intenção vil de pecar. Mas santos escrevem, e escrevem coisas bonitas. Eles devem se inspirar no sofrimento dos outros, já que eles próprios não sofrem. Então a dor dos outros é bonita? Acho que sim. Quando me olho diante de meu reflexo e escrevo, só vejo monstros e demonstrações. Deve ser porque o que há dentro de mim de bonito nada tem. E eu sou outro de dentro do espelho. A agonia do meu outro eu me satisfaz e assim me condena.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Gosto de me escrever para apagar depois. Não gosto do que fica. Prefiro não me explicar, então já nem sei bem o que é isso que faço. Tenho seqüestrado e assassinado cada expressão minha que aprisiono. Talvez me cito de forma egocêntrica, penduro meus quadros vitorianos pela casa, me visto das mais belas indumentárias e poso, diante do espelho, me clono e me escrevo. Nada eternizo.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Quero um saco plástico e uma corda. Quero que alguém ponha minha cabeça dentro do saco plástico e amarre o meu pescoço com a corda, de forma a vedar a mim, ao plástico, ao saco e à corda. Quero respirar o que vem de dentro. É isso: só quero o íntimo, o visceral. Quero me sufocar de alma e fugir dos reflexos que eu persigo.

- Nunca demorei tanto pra postar. E, quando posto, não sou mais eu. Eu vi isso. Será que mais alguém verá? Obrigado aos que mantiveram sua paciência comigo e leram esse texto. Ele, de alguma forma, me marcou. Espero estar de volta.