O Verso do Avesso
Autor: Saulo Madrigal | Publicado: 2013-01-05T07:24:00-08:00

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Estive
pensando em toda dor que disseminei no mundo. Não era pouca! Sempre atribuí
essa culpa aos astros. Meu signo não era um dos melhores.&nbsp; No fundo sabia exatamente que tipo de pessoa
se escondia por trás das belas palavras, dos movimentos aleatórios das frases
de efeito, das deixas, das saídas e ausências premeditadas, das mentiras, das
inverdades, dos eufemismos, das lacunas, da prolixidade inútil, das acepções
desmedidas e involuntárias.



Sabia da
leviandade da voz, do desespero do gesto, da razão vazia de sentido, pois o
sentido descoberto já era parte de uma verdade a sangue frio, a queima roupa
que insuportavelmente batia à porta da mente lívida e consciente do próprio
estado degenerado de uma alma enrugada, velha, inusitadamente putrefata
escondida em alguma gaveta cheia de naftalina.



Não fosse isso
seria diferente? Teria de volta os anos da inocência? Teria de volta o ar
quente e leve, o cheiro seco de toda coisa nova? Não. A resposta me dou de
imediato: não sei e nunca vou saber porque a vida não tem ensaios. Tudo já é o
espetáculo, onde improvisamos um papel que nos é imposto. Não somos o que
queremos ser! Talvez nos escondemos na criação desse ser virtual, mas não
suportamos sequer conviver com a falsidade de um avatar e o confronto
inevitável com o verdadeiro eu.



Dito isso,
sinto reconhecer - na verdade é só o que resta - que a dor que causei ao mundo
não é culpa da natureza inerte dos signos, nem da sociedade que corrompe, nem
da índole do sujeito incauto, é culpa única e exclusivamente do conjunto
obscuro que compõe meu eu. Da associação desmedida de procedimentos escusos e
um toque refinado de ironia para metamorfosear o escarro em ouro fluido e
precioso. Como proceder agora frente a tal constatação? Permanecer com os
mesmos movimentos aleatórios, das frases de efeito, das mentiras, dos
eufemismos... ou prosseguir na lamuriosa busca por redenção? Existe redenção ou
apenas uma tentativa de novas fantasias, a busca desesperada por negar a si
mesmo e viver o mesmo espetáculo insano da ilusão?



Eis a uma
questão capciosa!