Paisagens da minha janela
Autor: Fábio Leonardo | Publicado: 2013-07-07T15:41:00-07:00

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Para ler ao som de Lô Borges.



Não era o sentimento de sempre. Era um pouco mais estranho
do que o de costume. Outro dia, eu estava chegando, sozinho, e já me batia
aquela vontade maluca de ir embora pra casa. Mas naquele dia, naquele ônibus,
olhando a paisagem da cidade pela janela – naquele começo de noite de sábado –
o sentimento era o de uma estranha saudade. Da cidade? Talvez não? Não sei
exatamente o que foi.



Talvez uma saudade da experiência. Talvez uma saudade do
quanto foram simples e bacanas aqueles dias, o que poderiam parecer dias
quaisquer pra qualquer um. Mas que, por algum motivo, não foram.



Bateu uma melancolia, misturada com alegria, misturada com
uma saudade gostosa do que estava terminando ali. Ou que talvez não tivesse
terminando. Vai ver, seria o início pros dias seguintes, em uma série de
sentidos. E eu olhava as paisagens da minha janela, e, melancólico, eu via
algumas gotas de qualquer coisa imperceptível. Vai ver um homem de gelo que,
relutantemente, insistentemente, insiste em se manter firme em seu cristal
cerrado e nebuloso, de repente, se desse ao direito de se aquecer um pouco.
Algo de um Peter Pan adormecido gritava – um grito sussurrado, mas não menos um
grito –, pedindo para que um calor genuíno não morresse.



Acho que isso sempre acontece comigo quando eu me dou o
direito de ser esse outro lado do meu “eu”. Quando eu me permito sorrir um
pouco mais dos meus próprios defeitos, e relaxar. Quando eu olho pros lados e
escuto nas entrelinhas um “olha, não tem medo de respirar, que também faz bem”.
E as pequenas coisas se tornam grandes, e fazem um pouco mais de sentido. 



As paisagens da minha janela refletiam alguém que viveu
ostentando seu singelo sorriso de maquiagem de palhaço, e confrontou-se com
alguns sorrisos mais largos, mais sinceros, e pensou que também fossem
possíveis pra ele. As paisagens em movimento, que voltavam pra casa, talvez
refletissem que pra casa voltaria alguém que talvez esteja vendo o mundo com
olhos mais calorosos, e que agora se dariam ao direito de marejar de vez em
quando, e de derreter a camada espessa de gelo. As paisagens mostravam o
movimento da estrada, a cidade que talvez tivesse cores outras, porque era
outro o que a percorria de volta, e que a vislumbrava.



Daquela janela lateral, eu via um sinal de glória. Mas não
de glórias megalomaníacas. De uma glória singela, silenciosa, expressa em um
sorriso refletido no vidro embaçado.