A extrema felicidade e a extrema tristeza
Autor: Flavinha | Publicado: 2011-10-01T17:14:00-03:00

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 <![endif]-->  O lugar é o mesmo, de novo. É familiar, a mesma parede, o mesmo movimento, as mesmas pessoas.  
Já estive lá pouco mais de 3 anos, 9 meses e 6 dias, para encontrar o maior e melhor presente que a vida podia me proporcionar: a minha filha.
Foi um caminho longo, mas breve, até chegar na extrema felicidade de tê-la em meus braços: trabalho de parto tranquilo, dilatação ideal.
Foi rápido até o momento em que a vi e constatei que não se tratava de um bebê carequinha, afinal, mãe e pai carecas, só podia ter um bebê careca. Mais vi o bebê mais lindo do mundo, do rosto mais redondo e vermelho, e mais angelical, e mais cabeludo.
Não imaginei que ao sair daquele lugar com ela em meus braços, que os anos passariam, de forma serena e tranquila, com alguns tropeços da vida, mas muitos ganhos, dentre os quais ela ganhou também o segundo pai. E eu ganhei o marido.
O Marido que ontem esteve comigo naquele lugar tão familiar, buscando força sabe-se lá de onde para se sustentar, para me sustentar. Para não me deixar abater com a extrema tristeza que vivíamos ali em meio de pessoas que estavam aguardando viver a extrema felicidade que eu vivi há quase 4 anos.
Eu saí desse lugar familiar ontem, que um dia me acolheu, porque encontrei uma profissional que não soube me acolher e ouvindo os instintos que retumbavam em meu coração, procurei acolhida em lugar similar, mas com pessoas que entendiam o sofrimento que eu estava vivendo.
Sabiamente Rodrigo diz que problema e sofrimento devemos eliminar. E foi o que resolvemos ontem ao sair da USG de 12 semanas de nossa gestação e constatar que o coração de nosso bebê já com nomes, já amado, já esperado, parou de bater com 8 semanas e 4 dias.
Nos restou a dor, o vazio, a frustração, as expectativas interrompidas e o problema persistindo que poderia prolongar ou não o nosso sofrimento.Procurei o mesmo lugar e não deu. Procurei o lugar semelhante e deu.
Nesta madrugada fui submetida ao procedimento de curetagem necessário nesse caso para que déssemos prosseguimento a nossas vidas, afinal é essencial continuar a caminhada.
Esta manhã eu não sai com um bebê no colo, cheia de extrema felicidade. Sai com uma imensa tristeza de não ter chegado lá.
Está doendo, está machucando, luto para não ficar me questionando, e até mesmo me culpando.
Apego-me na lembrança da extrema felicidade que senti e sinto quando sai daquele lugar com uma menina linda no colo, que hoje quando cheguei em casa me acolheu, também.
E com a certeza de que mesmo que o meu caminho seja passar por esses percalços, que eu continue e persista no que tanto planejamos, sonhamos e queremos.
Tenho Cacaia, tenho Rodrigo, e apesar da extrema tristeza, busco essa extrema felicidade que nós lutamos dia a dia para vivenciar, para alcançar.
E assim deixo o meu relato da minha gestação interrompida.
Bom final de semana.