CONFIDÊNCIAS
Autor: Rony Welry Nunes Amaral | Publicado: 2011-12-04T13:28:00-02:00



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Não é tão fácil assim seguir pelo
desconhecido. Não é fácil escolher entre dois sentidos se não sabemos ou temos
noção de onde cada um vai nos levar.



Eu sou bem decidido em várias
coisas da minha vida. Eu sei o que quero fazer, eu sei onde quero ir, eu sei
quem eu sou e o que sou. Mas tem algo que sempre me traz muita perturbação mental:
sentimentos!



Eu tenho medo dessas escolhas,
tenho medo de me relacionar com as pessoas, tenho medo de magoar e de ser
magoado, tenho medo de não saber escolher o melhor pra mim.



Quando saio com alguém, existem
sempre muitos comentários, sempre foi a coisa mais extraordinária do mundo como
as pessoas se importam com minha vida.



Amigos se preocupam comigo,
outras pessoas só querem ter do que falar. Nem sei ao certo porque tanto brilho
ou destaque. Sou simplesmente alguém comum que faz mais coisas do que a maioria
das pessoas.



Hoje estou pensativo sobre algumas
coisas, hoje estou sentindo que algo vai ficar meio diferente, hoje
simplesmente não sei mais o que pensar.

Acho que a prova mais concreta de
que eu não estou tão bem assim é o fato de eu estar escrevendo no blog.



“Vamos conversar”. Acho que é a
expressão que mais me mete medo na vida!



Eu a escutei quando fui chamado
pela primeira vez na secretaria da escola quando era garoto, eu a escutei
quando meu padrinho morreu, eu a escutei quando meus pais deram meu cachorro,
eu a escutei somente em situações ruins.



Não me acostumo com essa
expressão. Bate um frio na barriga.



Acho que por causa disso sempre
me dispus a apagar o sentimentalismo. Isso costumava funcionar muito bem. Acho
que não era muito bem apagar e sim mascarar meus sentimentos, tirar a expressão
de “estou sofrendo” ou “estou feliz” e colocar sempre a de “não tô nem aí”.



Atualmente me permiti jogar fora
todas as máscaras, achei que não precisaria mais delas pra nada, achei que
agora já era suficientemente capaz de suportar e mostrar meus sentimentos. Acho
que me enganei. O pior é que não encontro as máscaras, não sei onde estão. E
fico assim, com a cara do que sinto.



Fraqueza? Sim, Não, Talvez.



Fragilidade? Sim, Não, Talvez.



Insegurança? Sim, Não, Talvez.



Acho melhor parar de pensar.
Porque se eu continuar pensando eu vou somente chegar a um estado de “Aporia”. E por enquanto, acho melhor
pensar que tenho as minhas próprias respostas.