Jerking Balls
Autor: O Maldito Escritor | Publicado: 2017-02-25T14:24:00-08:00

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“Puta que pariu!”, Galego
xingou, e atirou longe a latinha de cerveja que tinha em mãos.

“Tu tomou isso aí?”,
perguntou Maradona, caindo na gargalhada. “Eu tava cuspindo dentro dessa
latinha a tarde toda, seu zé do carai!”

“Filho duma jumenta! Por
que fez isso?”

“Tô resfriado, cacete, com
tosse o tempo todo. Não dá pra ficar levantando a tarde inteira pra cuspir na
pia do banheiro que nem uma boneca.”

“Filho da...”

“Ô doidão, pare com esse
negócio de xingar minha mãe. Tô lhe avisando.”

Galego se levantou e
enxaguou a boca com água e o que sobrara do detergente.

“Acho que vou vomitar.”

“Pare de drama, macho, que
tu já pôs coisa muito pior nessa tua boca cheia de dentes podres.”

“A xota da sua mãe.” Galego
fez o triângulo para baixo com as mãos.

“Já falei pra parar com
esse negócio de falar da minha mãe. Se disser mais uma palavra, quebro a sua
boca.”

“Desculpa.”

“Tudo bem... Olha!”
Apontou para o aparelho televisor. “Senta aqui pra ver o que tá passando, Galego!”

“Quem é essa aí?”

“É aquela lá... aquela que
fazia esses trem aí de programa de criança. Tipo Neliana, tá ligado?”

“Neliana, Maradona? E Neliana
faz programa de criança por acaso? Mó patifaria aquele programa dela; um monte
de cueca e toda aquela putada com uns bucetão desse tamanho aqui ó...” 

“Tá, Galego, mas tu não
lembra de quando ela fazia programa de criança? Aqueles bagui de meus dedinho polegares
não sei mais das quantas?”

“Ah. Acho que lembro.”

“O nome dessa aí que tá
passando agora é Ohanna Montano. Negócio assim.”

“Montano no meu cacete,
isso sim.”

“Olha que gostosa, Galego!
Chupava ela todinha.”

“Ah, meu deus, olha só!
Ela tá esfregando a xota naquela bola. Queria ser essa bola aí, rapaz”, disse Galego,
e pegou nas partes.

“O que pensa que tá
fazendo?”

“Só ajeitando pro lado.”

“Tô sabendo.”

A campainha tocou.

“Deve ser a pizza que
chegou.” Maradona se levantou e atendeu.

“Boa tarde, senhor. Foi
daqui que pediram pizza?”

“Não, pedimos serviços
funerários.”

“Muito engraçado, senhor.”

“Obrigado.”

“Ah, nossa, não acredito!
Vocês também são fãs da Jiley Myrus?!”

“Mas que diacho de trem de
viado é esse aí?”

“A Jiley, a Ohanna
Montano!”, soltou o entregador saindo do armário e abanando as asinhas como uma
franga. 

“Montano no meu cacete”, falou
Galego lá do sofá, os olhos vidrados na tela do televisor.

“Sai pra lá, viadão!”,
falou Maradona, dando um empurrão no sujeito. “Gosto é do que ela tem no meio
das pernas, rapá!”

“Uma dessas aí”,
continuou, “vixi, filho, quebro no meio. Meto até rasgar o útero.”

“Se disser mais uma
palavra da Jiley, te arrebento todo, seu lixo!”, advertiu o rapaz, o dedo
apontado como uma arma na direção de Maradona.

“Arrebenta então, doido!”

Maradona disparou um soco
com a mão fechada errado. O que não fez a menor diferença, pois o entregador se
esquivou como uma profissional, e o punho de Maradona acertou em cheio o
batente da porta.

“Argh! Tu quebrou a minha
mão, baitola!”

“É o melhor que consegue
fazer?”, desafiou.

Maradona agarrou-o pela
cintura, mas um joelho em seu plexo solar não deixou que tivesse tempo de
pensar no que fazer em seguida. Cambaleou um pouco e caiu de bunda em cima de
uma amontoado de lixo e bagunça onde costumava haver um tapete “persa” feito no
Brás. Na verdade o tapete ainda estava lá, mas ninguém dava a mínima.

Galego apareceu com uma
faquinha de cortar pão. O entregador sacou do passaporte grátis para a terra do
pé junto. “Pode vir que eu tô armado, tiozinho!”

“Calma, rapaz. Olha só,
estou colocando a faca no chão.”

“Calma uma porra!” Bateu a
porta atrás de si e se livrou da pizza. “Quero os dois sentados ali no sofá!
Bora, pra hoje!”

“A gente não tem nada
procê levar não” — Maradona massageando a mão fodida e recuperando o fôlego
fazia um pequeno biquinho, como uma criança que tivesse sido contrariada pelos
pais. “Pode vasculhar a casa; tu não vai encontrar nada além de conta atrasada
e bagunça.”

“Mora quem mais aqui?”,
perguntou o entregador de pizza.

“Só a gente”, Galego
respondeu.

“Tá mentindo pra mim não,
né, alemão?”

“Tô não.”

O entregador olhou em
volta se assegurando de que realmente não havia mais ninguém no pedaço. “Lugarzinho
de merda, hein?”, soltou, e deu uma cuspida no chão. Ligou o som e sintonizou
numa estação de música pop. Mandou que os dois tirassem a roupa.

“Seu moço, faz isso não”,
suplicou Galego.

“Mandei você falar? Façam
o que eu mandei: tirem a roupa.”

Ele vai comer o nosso cu;
essa bicha vai comer o nosso cu, era o pensamento que se passava na cabeça de
Maradona.

De qualquer maneira, fez o
que ele mandou; sabia que uma bicha raivosa com uma arma na mão era algo até
mais perigoso do que mulher traída com o marido dormindo de costas ao seu lado.
Não que ele tivesse tido alguma mulher para dormir ao seu lado alguma vez na
vida. Galego também se desfez de suas roupas.

“É assim que eu gosto”,
falou o entregador de pizzas. “Agora não tentem nenhuma gracinha.” Desafivelou
o cinto, se livrou dos sapatos, meias, calças, cueca, camiseta. Era todo
depilado e musculoso. Como aqueles caras dos filmes de ação.

“Tu não vai comer o meu
cu, seu queima rosca!” Maradona se levantou e inflou o peito.

Bastou levar uma mãozada
servida no meio da cara para cair sentado novamente.

“Viu só? Nem preciso de um
revólver para fazer de você a minha vadiazinha” — sorriso no canto da boca, seu
caralho de frente para o rosto de Maradona. “Fala pra mim o que você é.”

“Falo merda nenhuma.”

Tomou outro servido na
orelha.

“Acho que não ouvi
direito.”

“Eu... eu... eu sou a
sua... va...”

“O quê?!”

“EU SOU A SUA VADIAZINHA!”

“Assim que eu gosto.”

O entregador puxou dum
banquinho de plástico rachado e se sentou. Repousou o revólver a seus pés.
“Fiquem a vontade para tentar qualquer gracinha”, desafiou.

Os dois se entreolharam
por um momento, então tornaram a fixar os olhos no chão.

“Agora quero que me olhem.
Isso, olhando pra mim, assim.” Fez força como se estivesse tentando fazer todas
as pregas do rabo entrarem para dentro. “Agora estão vendo esses músculos? São
frutos de anos e anos de dedicação.” Começou a massagear o seu membro. Parecia que
tinha injetado alguma coisa para fazer aquilo crescer também. Era do tamanho do
braço de um bebê. Quando ficou duro, começou a tocar uma.

Nenhum dos dois dizia
nada.

“Ah, sim... ah, porra...
Oh, meu deus, oh minha Virgem Maria Santíssima, puta que o pariu!” Esporrou
jorros e mais jorros sobre o chão imundo da sala. Era uma porra grossa e
amarelada com alguns tracinhos de sangue e umas coisas pretas. “Oh, sim...
vejam quanta porra... que maravilha.”

Aquele cheiro de cândida
que a porra tem encheu a casa toda. O entregador se ajoelhou e começou a colhe-la com as mãos em concha. Se agachou e usou-a como óleo para
massagear as coxas peludas de Maradona, o tempo todo o olhando nos olhos. Até
um imbecil como Maradona sabia o que aquele tipo de coisa significava.

“Olha só, mas o que é
isso? Parece que alguém aqui está querendo participar da festinha também”, o
entregador de pizza falou olhando para o pau de Maradona, que estava a meia
bomba.

“Seu baito...”

“Cale-se!”, o entregador
mandou, e, depois de recuar duas vezes, prendeu a respiração e caiu de boca no
caralho dele.

Galego observava o amigo,
que não esboçava nenhuma resistência. Em determinado momento até pôs os braços
para trás da cabeça, como se fosse um poderoso executivo recebendo um boquete
de uma profissional que custasse três mil e quinhentos por hora. O pau de Galego
também começou a ficar duro.

O entregador tirou a
trolha de Maradona de sua boca por um momento, e então mandou Galego comer o
seu rabo. Galego olhou para Maradona, como quem perguntasse se não era viadagem
fazer aquilo.

“Faz o que ele falou”,
disse Maradona, os olhos semicerrados. “Se não fizer, pode ser pior.”

Galego nunca tinha comido
um rabo antes. Poderia facilmente alcançar o revólver, mas também nunca tinha
atirado na vida. Ficou com medo de tentar algo e acabar se dando mal; afinal,
se o sujeito se enfezasse, era capaz de querer comer o seu cu com aquele braço
de bebê ao invés de ter o cu comido por ele. Cuspiu na palma da mão e se
masturbou um pouco antes de escorregar o pau para dentro do entregador de
pizzas.

Comer um rabo um outro
macho... até que não era tão mal. Melhor do que grudar as páginas de alguma
revista pornográfica usada comprada numa banca de esquina por dois paus e
cinquenta.

A bunda do veado era
lisinha como a de uma mulher. Galego fantasiou que estava comendo a bunda da
Ohanna Montano.

“Montano no meu cacete,
isso sim”, como ele diria.







Gilberto Sakurai “O Maldito Escritor” – 2015


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<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>

 /* Style Definitions */
 table.MsoNormalTable
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 mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
 mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
 mso-style-noshow:yes;
 mso-style-priority:99;
 mso-style-parent:"";
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 mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
 mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
 line-height:107%;
 mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
 font-size:11.0pt;
 font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
 mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
 mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
 mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
 mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
 mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

<![endif]-->


<!--[if gte mso 9]>
 
  
 
<![endif]-->


<!--[if gte mso 9]>
 
  
 
<![endif]-->



{só merda nova}: www.omalditoescritor.wordpress.com

{merda antiga + nova}: www.sakuraimaldito.blogspot.com

{facebook}: www.facebook.com/gilbertosakurai

{fanpage}: www.facebook.com/O-Maldito-Escritor-290070361025268/
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>

 /* Style Definitions */
 table.MsoNormalTable
 {mso-style-name:"Tabela normal";
 mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
 mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
 mso-style-noshow:yes;
 mso-style-priority:99;
 mso-style-parent:"";
 mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
 mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
 mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
 line-height:107%;
 mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
 font-size:11.0pt;
 font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
 mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
 mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
 mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
 mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
 mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>
 
  Normal
  0
  
  
  21
  
  
  false
  false
  false
  
  PT-BR
  X-NONE
  X-NONE
  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  
  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]>
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  <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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   Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
   Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
  
  
  
  
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
   Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
   Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
 
<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>

 /* Style Definitions */
 table.MsoNormalTable
 {mso-style-name:"Tabela normal";
 mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
 mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
 mso-style-noshow:yes;
 mso-style-priority:99;
 mso-style-parent:"";
 mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
 mso-para-margin-top:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-right:0cm;
 mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
 mso-para-margin-left:0cm;
 line-height:107%;
 mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
 font-size:11.0pt;
 font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
 mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
 mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
 mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
 mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
 mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

<![endif]-->