Sobre bichos-papões e outros arrepios
Autor: Franncine de Miranda | Publicado: 2011-10-05T11:02:00-07:00

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Do que você tem medo? Foi a pergunta de minha mãe, que do alto da cabeceira e seus 40 e poucos anos me inquiria com os olhos muito castanhos e lânguidos, em plena noite de sexta-feira. Perguntas como essa deveriam ser proibidas em noites de sexta-feira. Ou ao menos evitadas. Era só o que eu conseguia pensar.
Eu, a cabeça pesada, implorando por cama e sono e minha mãe me perguntando, afinal, Do que eu tinha medo? Não podia falar-lhe, porém, do meu receio em não acordar no dia que se seguia. Não consegui revelar-lhe, sobretudo, o meu medo de acordar e continuar seguindo, apenas. Porque seguir sem saber ao certo para onde se vai pode parecer sincero quando aos 16 é ainda perfeitamente possível viajar o mundo em um conversível vermelho, tendo como testemunha o Vento Norte ou a areia espessa do Arizona. 
Confesso que a palavra insignificância sempre me assustou o suficiente para que eu perseguisse aquilo que se conhece por “ser alguém na vida”. Mas isso também lhe omiti aquela noite. Não porque não me parecesse importante, mas porque acreditei ser algo intrínseco ao ser humano e, portanto, compartilhado pelos dois únicos semoventes naquele cubículo que chamávamos, as duas, de quarto.
Que eu tivesse medo de acidentes e outras fatalidades, ou até mesmo de perdê-la, já era suposto que soubesse, visto que esses espécimes de medo são comuns aos indivíduos. Ela não desconfiava era do meu pavor em continuar seguindo, apenas fluxos alheios, ao sabor de sonhos que não eram meus e vontades que não me diziam respeito. 
Quando criança, o medo de não saber o que queria me atingiu. Agora mulher, o medo de não querer nada daquilo me acossa. Mas não pude lhe contar do pânico em permanecer apenas seguindo, contabilizando segundos e seus milésimos para depois me culpar pelos grãos perdidos na ampulheta cheia de angústias e anseios que era a minha vida. E nenhum grão de areia do Arizona.
Esqueci de dizer-lhe do meu medo de escuro. Do negrume que ficava quando o sol descia e as sextas-feiras me invadiam toda, sufocando-me com perguntas sombrias como as de minha mãe. Não pude respondê-la. Fingi cansaço e virei para o lado, mas não consegui dormir aquela noite.