O dia seguinte
Autor: James Ribeiro | Publicado: 2013-06-05T05:08:00-07:00




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O dia seguinte foi nebuloso. Saí de casa rumo ao cotidiano,
esperando esquecer o que aconteceu na noite passada. Talvez fosse necessário
intervir dessa maneira brusca e impetuosa (ou não). Choveu como nunca, com
fortes rajadas de ventos violentos com direito a céu nublado. Não me incomodei
com a chuva, muito pelo contrário... Acho que cada gota que respingava sobre meu
corpo foi um sinal de que, durante dois anos suportando e segurando as
lágrimas, elas finalmente resolveram cair sobre mim. A chuva lavou minha alma
de uma maneira iminente, a espreita de qualquer vestígio que se opusesse a me
colocar de frente com o passado. É chegada a hora de seguir em frente, mesmo
com pequenos deslizes de ousar olhar para traz. Não devo, e muito menos preciso
explicar o quão insano fui ao abrir meu coração para outro alguém, pois não me
arrependo de nada. E guardo essa lembrança com carinho, embora sempre me faça lembrar
do quanto sofri, do quanto implorei e do quanto eu senti a dolorosa firmeza do
que é amar sem sentir total reciprocidade. Não quero mais culpar ninguém nessa
história. Não quero mais causar danos ao meu coração. Não quero mais me dividir
em tantos pedaços e esquecer que ainda sou humano. E que ainda sinto e respiro
firme e forte, saudável e capaz de levar a vida adiante. O tempo não vai apagar
essa memória, mas tornará mórbida a vontade de retroceder. E em meio a tantas
tragédias descomunais desses dois longos e duradouros anos, dedicação foi o que
menos importou da segunda parte dessa relação. Não choro e não sofro mais, pois
aprendi a lidar com a dor. Aprendi a segurar a pior e mais monstruosa emoção do
fundo do meu âmago. Aprendi que, quanto mais ávido você estiver dentro de uma
relação, mais alta será a queda quando se enxerga a verdade. &nbsp;Ocultar não adiantou muita coisa, muito menos
tapar o sol com a peneira em forma de “superação” ou “falsa esperança”. Eu
realmente tentei de todas as maneiras possíveis, e todos os meios possíveis e
impossíveis também. Uma vida já fora desperdiçada demais, e acho que está na hora
de por uma pedra nessa história para dar início à outra. Um dia, não hoje, nem
amanhã ou depois de amanhã, mas um dia, talvez, a razão caía sobre a cabeça e
finalmente perceba que eu tentei. Talvez um dia perceba que o erro não foi meu,
mas sim da displicência e a infantilidade que se puseram no seu caminho...