Nothing at all...
Autor: Lucas | Publicado: 2011-02-23T19:24:00-08:00

Well, after quite some time, actually more than a year, here I am, writing nonsense stuff, again. You know, I'm not quite sure about what to write here, it's been such a long time since I spent some time writing stuff that doesn't ressemble calculus and crap like that... I guess that engineering course really got me... Anyway, moving on, I felt like writing again... Don't ask me why, 'cause I'm not so sure... Maybe it's 'cause I'm through bad times, awful times to be honest, and writing might be a way of relief, since it helped me before when I wasn't feeling so good.As I said, I'm going through some harsh times, and it's not only on the little things, or just a part of my life, it's like everything is just falling apart... I'm seeing everything I built with all the years just crumbling right before my eyes, and there's just nothing I can do about it, and trust me, I tried every single thing possible to try and fix it all, but nothing works...I don't really wanna just spill all that happened, 'cause it's not just a concern of mine, but a family concern, and I think some things should stay private... But there's this little thing, that bothers me every single day, every single minute, every single moment... It bothers me how much you can miss someone you really care about and that, all of a sudden, almost disappears from your life... And you guys can bet I do care about that single person, more than any other human being. And it's getting each time harder to carry on, each time harder to just put a smile on my face and pretend nothing ever happened between us, and to pretend that we were only just friends, not best friends ever, not lovers, only two people that happen to know each other...I'm kinda stuck in the middle of a paradox, 'cause I can't see that person, and it hurts me really bad, but when I see that person, it just seems that we're so far away, every single stare her eye is like a stab, and I feel such a cold distance, and it's so weird, 'cause even when I have this person close to me, I feel so far away from her, and it hurts me so bad... It's like the closer I am to her, the farther our feelings, eyes and everything are. It's just terrible... But I can't help but miss that person, every single day... I miss her in a way a never missed someone, being that far from her is like getting a part of me and my heart just ripped off, mercilessly...And the hardest part, is that she is the one who asked me to go away, to leave her alone... And every friend of mine keeps saying I deserve better, that I should stop being stupid and leave her alone, just let her suffer and don't help her when she needs... But I can't, it's just not me to leave people alone, to let the person I care the most on my life get hurt, I wish I was colder so I could do that to her, but I can't, I swear I tried it, but it just wouldn't work... I'm getting desperate, I really don't know what else to do, what else to say, what else to think, I really cannot take that anymore...And to make things worst, I know I'm the only who really knows her for real, and I know I'm the only one who understands her, and will always be by her side, it doesn't matter whatever happens or whatever she does... But I can't be by her side, I can't help her when she needs me, 'cause she's the one that asked me to leave, that asked me to leave her alone... Really, I'm completely lost, and without anything to hold on... I'm praying to God every night, EVERY night that He helps me to get over it, to move on and to stop suffering like that, but I also pray that He protects her, and keeps her away from anything that'd harm her...And now I really don't know what the hell I'm writing, I'm not even making sense anymore, but whatever, I'll stop here... At least writing all that stuff helped me to get a little relief, and get rid of that sad feeling on my heart, at least for a while... But I just want you know, that I miss you, more than I thought I would ever miss someone, and I will always be here for you... Whenever you need me, I'll be waiting, with arms wide open...