Tirando a máscara
Autor: lori | Publicado: 2011-05-09T16:14:00-07:00

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Estou aqui querendo pular as janelas, mas não tenho forças para retirar as grades. Não tenho nada. Sou mulher nua de bolsos vazios e cara lavada. Cabelos cheirando a limpeza e uma alma suja. Suja de fraqueza, de fracassos. Incontáveis derrotas seguidas que perdi por não me encontrar.Sou mulher de peitos muchos, gordura localizada e coração vazio.Sou materialista e finjo que não sou. Sou incrédula e finjo que não sou. Sou pobre e finjo que não sou. Sou sincera e também finjo que não sou. Tantas máscaras para esconder esse peso triste. Esse desespero. Essa saudade. Pose de mulher forte, decidida e livre emocionalmente só para não desabar em lagrimas a cada vez que me perguntam se está tudo bem.Vejo a pessoa descuidada que me tornei. Espinhas no rosto. Esmalte descascado. Pés calejados e nenhuma paciência para o mundo. Quando sou eu mesma a minha única companhia me descubro. Também me decepciono. Sem salto. Sem roupa. Sem maquiagem. Sem máscara. Eu e não o personagem feliz que todos conhecem.A rotina tem me matado mais que o cigarro. Como se eu corresse todos os dias e não saísse do lugar. Será que é isso? Será que me esforço tanto em cima de uma esteira e não em uma estrada?O que falta eu entender para conseguir um pouco mais? Só um pouquinho que seja de aceitação? Não aprendi a viver nesse mundo. Deus, o que falta para eu entender e melhorar? &nbsp;Há tempos deixei de acreditar em plenitude. Deixei tanto amor ir embora sem ao menos me doer o coração.Todas as pessoas que fiz sofrer por vaidade se refizeram. O mal ficou apenas em mim. Nunca me livrei da certeza de ter jogado amor fora. Amor não é coisa que se deixa de lado. E eu sempre deixei.Não sou tão inteligente. Nem tão independente. Na verdade sou tão forte quanto uma borboleta de asas quebradas.&nbsp;
28/04/11