Como os ruandeses enfrentam o horror de 1994 (Tradução - partes 4 e 5)
Autor: fabiana jardim | Publicado: 2014-04-09T17:07:00-03:00

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(Texto de Lauren Wolfe, originalmente publicado aqui.
A tradução, apressada, é minha e como o texto é muito longo para um único post,
vou publicando em quarto, seguindo a divisão do próprio original. O dia
seis de abril marcou os vinte anos do início do genocídio ocorrido em Ruanda).

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Quando seus irmãos e seu pai foram mortos,
Nishimwe e sua mãe se esconderam por três meses. Elas se esconderam na
comunidade de Rubengera, em Kibuye, uma cidade de exuberante verde no Lago
Kivu, ao oeste de Ruanda. [Elas] se refugiavam nos arbustos durante o dia, e
nos [forros] dos tetos de casas, durante a noite; e, ao final, em uma casa
abandonada onde foram encontradas por um vizinho que passou a aparecer para
bater em Nishimwe com suas mãos e uma espada – “Apenas devido à minha
etnicidade Tusti”, ela contou. Ele terminou por estuprá-la. Ela não soube por anos que ele lhe transmitira HIV. Ela
me contou [que] fazer o teste potencialmente poderia significar confronter-se
com mais do que ela achava que aguentaria. O estupro, a carnificina – ser HIV-positivo
após tudo isso seria demais. Mas seu corpo lentamente começou a fraquejar,
enquanto feridas apareciam em sua pele.



Nishimwe morou por anos na cidade em que sua
família foi morta – a cada dia se tornando um pouco mais silenciosa na escola e
afogando-se um pouco mais em si mesma até que finalmente deixou sua Kibuye por
Nova Iorque, em 2001. Lá, ela começou a fazer psicoterapia e buscou tratamento
para seu HIV.



Se soa como negação que uma vítima de estupro não
faça o teste para o HIV por sete anos, tenha em mente que aqueles que sofrem
traumas extremos frequentemente experimental uma dualidade emocional que lhe
permite sobreviver ao incompreensível. “Sei pelas vítimas do Holocausto”, disse
Neugebauer, “que não é com se você ou
prospera ou se desespera – você faz ambos, alternadamente”. Isso ajuda os
sobreviventes a confrontar partículas e pedaços do trauma conforme eles vêm à
tona ao invés de serem completamente soterrados pelos horrores que
testemunharam. “Pessoas diferentes têm mecanismos diferentes para serem capazes
de continuar, mas muitos continuam com um sofrimento imenso, apesar de
silencioso”, explicou Neugebauer.



Nishimwe concorda que não é tudo “completamente
feliz”, como ela expressa. “Nem todo dia é bom para mim”, ela diz. “Eu tenho
alguns dias em que apenas sento e choro. Não é como se tudo fosse perfeito todo
o tempo”.



***

Quando enfrentamos o terror, nossos corpos se
fecham e nos dessensibilizam para a experiência, Ochberg disse. “Podemos
tolerar quase sermos comidos vivos. Podemos tolerar assistir a outros membros
de nossa espécie serem comidos vivos. Está em nossa biologia”. É o que acontece
depois que significa a diferença entre um indivíduo saudável ou não – e entre
uma sociedade robusta ou eternamente em guerra.



“Depois, quando nossa habilidade de enfrentar
tais coisas extremas é contrastada com nossos eus civilizados, experimentamos o
horror, o terror, a repulsa, todo esse espectro de sentimentos”, diz Ochberg. “Quando
você não precisa mais se proteger e pensa sobre o assunto – [quando] você
re-experiencia [a situação] – aparece um sentimento de profunda vergonha”.



A vergonha enraivece e isola. Ela pode levar à
predação, ao sadismo e ao mal, ou ao auto-desprezo, ódio e depressão.

Mas se a partilha pública da dor de
Nishimwe e sua completa ausência de [qualquer sentimento aparentado a] vergonha
é um indicador, existe esperança para os sobreviventes do genocídio. Existe
esperança para Ruanda.