Pesos
Autor: Andressa Buzatto | Publicado: 2013-07-01T05:13:00-07:00

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&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Eu sempre quis ser
forte. Admirava aquelas mulheres capazes de tudo, que pareciam não sofrer e de
forma alguma se entregavam as suas fraquezas na hora de ir à luta. Sempre quis
ter a força de vontade de me erguer diante de qualquer situação, e superar qualquer
coisa, como minha mãe, que não pára enquanto as coisas não dão certo e não
cansa de trabalhar nunca, nem refuga um serviço extra. Invejo as pessoas que
não choram, mas caminham e continuam apesar de qualquer coisa. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Dito isto, digo
também que, por não ser assim forte, sinto-me um peso morto nos momentos em que
mais precisam de mim. Vejo tantos amigos perderem pessoas próximas e
importantes e continuarem a sorrir e a usar o humor que têm e o trabalho que
aparecer para amenizar a dor que sentem, e eu, quando na mesma situação, só
consigo abraçar os próprios joelhos e chorar desesperadamente por horas, achar
que o mundo não tem mais sentido e que nunca mais vai haver quem me compreenda.
Quando minha família precisa de consolo e esperança, precisam buscar em outros,
pois se preciso amenizar o desespero de alguém, acabo tomando para mim esse
sentimento e piorando as coisas. De nada adianta ser fraca e frágil, e nem
delicada, a não ser que você esteja querendo ser uma bailarina. Se bem que ouvi
dizer que essas precisam de muita força para dançar bem de verdade. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Agora, vem se
aproximando a cirurgia da minha avó (vulgo Nona) e o peso morto volta a ser
evidenciado, quando todo mundo já sabe tanto disso que dispensa minha ajuda
para qualquer coisa. É uma intervenção perigosa, essa que a Nona vai sofrer, e
ela precisará de todo apoio e dedicação dos familiares na recuperação
pós-cirurgica, que provavelmente se dará na minha própria casa. Não poderão
contar comigo para enfermeira. Não que eu não queira (e quero muito, o máximo
possível, ajudar nisso) mas é que eu não sou muito boa em manter a calma diante
do sofrimento alheio - nem do meu próprio - e em pensar com clareza quando a
situação me exige uma ação rápida (além de sofrer repentinas quedas de pressão quando vejo sangue). 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; E essa é uma das
razões pelas quais eu gostaria de ser forte e enérgica, calma e imperturbável:
para deixar de ser um peso morto e frágil, e poder carregar um pouco mais nas
próprias costas. Quem sabe assim não livraria um pouco os outros de pesos como
eu.