Eu tempestade, meu adeus brisa
Autor: Marcella Fernanda | Publicado: 2014-03-13T20:22:00-07:00



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Até hoje, vou te contar, eu penso na
mensagem que você nunca mandou, nas coisas que você nunca me disse. Ainda
espero, em silêncio e relutante. Lembro da gente nas músicas que você nunca me
dedicou. Sinto saudade de você, que nunca foi meu. Do nós, que sempre foi eu.
Saudade da coisa mais linda que já me aconteceu, mas que na verdade, nem chegou
a existir. A loucura mais sensata da minha vida, ou a sensatez mais louca, quem
sabe? Amei muito e de verdade, não nego. Ele ou uma idealização, não posso
distinguir ao certo, mas era amor e isso não é contestável. E hoje eu me
pergunto, com a minha vida seguindo tão bem e a ausência despercebida num
canto, se ainda amo. Nada mudou, além de mim, e tudo parece tão diferente, tão
distante, tão fora de mim- e dessa vez, acredite quem quiser, por repulsa minha.
Mas creio que seja um quase ou pós amor, muito carinho, alguma coisa menor e
bonita assim. Porque, seja lá o que ainda resta, é quieto e não grita mais nos
meus silêncios, nos meus ouvidos. Não me tira o sono, não me tira o juízo, a
paz. Não é espaçoso, muito pelo contrário, compacto. Dizem que o amor é assim,
calmo, sereno, brisa. Mas eu não acredito nesse amor que não invade, não vira
do avesso, não desarruma. Não consigo imaginar o amor batendo na porta,
comportado no sofá. Esperando você oferecer um copo d’água, café, bolo. Com
licença, por favor, muito obrigada. Não o meu amor, não comigo. Meu amor pula a
janela, põe os pés no sofá e pede mais uma almofada. Reclama que tá com fome e
abre a geladeira pra ver o que tem de bom. Rouba o controle, muda o canal, faz
bagunça. Meu amor é tempestade, terremoto, erupção. Brisa, comigo, só o fim, só
sem mim. Sereno, deixo claro, só meu adeus.