WTLO - Season 1: Stuck on you - Chapter 6 - Closer
Autor: Lôa | Publicado: 2017-02-11T20:02:00-03:00


An odd brightness &nbsp;forced itself through my eyelids, and I woke up unwillingly. I looked at the window and frowned to the outrageous beautiful day outside. 

Fucking Wednesday.

It seems to be a day to be happy, but I was so moody already, even before getting up, that the light sunny day was almost offensive.

One whole week. Fuck!

Edward had been away for a whole week. I was out of my mind with his absence. I felt like the order of the universe was all wrong, upside down or something. I knew it was an exaggeration on my part ‘cause, for fuck damn sake, Edward and I had been away from each other many times before, so it shouldn’t be so weird, as it felt, not to have him around.

But I was practically going crazy…

I was trying so hard to get a grip, but I was falling too deep in my nuisance, I was letting my missing him affect me too much, I didn’t seem to be able to control my feelings, I was all over the place. The worst part was that we hadn’t talked again since the previous Friday and I had no news about when he was coming back.

“Jay, are you awake?”

My sister’s voice was the last sound on earth I needed to hear. She only reminded me that maybe, probably, Edward had a thing for her and I was likely to be enduring a big heartache in secret in the future if they got together.

Anyway, she was my younger, my only, sibling, and she didn’t have a clue about what was going on or how deeply I was envying her. So I turned to the door and looked at her.

“Unfortunately.” I answered.


She giggled. “Good morning, big bro. Why are you so moody so early in this beautiful morning?” She asked while coming to my bed.

Rosalie sat by my side on the mattress and I sat leaning my back on the headboard.

“My life sucks.” I summed up to her. “Why are you so cheery?”

“Oh, nothing really.” She smiled a cheeky smile and her dimples made an appearance. “I’ve just made a decision that will probably allow something that I’ve been longing for in a while to happen…” Her green eyes glimmered.

I squinted my eyes and, as she started to babble, I took a moment to assimilate two things.

First, she looked so much like me… The same dimpled smile, the same ocean green eyes, the same facial features and the same hair texture. If it wasn’t for her light blond hair, inherited from my german ancestry mother and opposite to my light brown hair, and the fact that we were from opposite genders, we could pass as identical twins.

If Edward thought her beautiful (which was probable since he liked her), would he think so of me too?

And second, was she talking about what I thought she was?

“Earth to Jasper!” Rosalie snapped her fingers in front of my face making me blink and focus. “Where did you go, big bro? Did you listen to any word I said?

“Not really.” I mumbled annoyed. “What did you say?”

I didn’t want to, but I was treating her very coldly. The truth was, it wasn’t needed for Edward to be near her to make me jealous. I had just realized that her mere presence elicited the feeling, simply because I had the notion she was the one Edward wanted. At least apparently. 

“I was telling you…” She started babbling again, rolling her eyes, and I tried to focus on what she was saying even though I had a sudden urge to ignore her altogether. “There’s going to be this party at Lauren’s house on Friday, and I really want to go, but you know, she lives in South Bay, so it’s too far to take a bus. I was actually going with Bella but she told me she’s not gonna make it ‘cause she has to go with her mother to Seattle, and then I asked dad to take me there but he said that I should ask you to take me there cause he has to be in bed early on Friday ‘cause he has that training camp on Saturday, and mom hates to drive, even more so to a place that’s so far away from the house, and I don’t have a car yet, and you remember what dad told you when he gave you the Vanquish.”

“You really said all that in less than twenty seconds?” I asked in an extremely ironic tone. “How could you breathe?”

“Smartass.” She gave it back to me while narrowing her eyes. “So…?”

I sighed impatiently. I didn’t want to do anything for her at that moment since she was, unknowingly yeah, but still, the object of my jealousy. But then again, she was completely unaware of my feelings for Edward and I had no right, even if she did so, to take my frustration out on her. So I controlled my slight anger and swallowed the will to tell her to go to hell. 

“And you couldn’t wait till later to ask me this…” I squinted my eyes again.

“I was too anxious. Besides, I need to give an answer to Lauren today and I’m already late for the girls’ meeting.” 

It was my turn to roll the eyes. “I’ll take you there, but you’ll have to find a ride home.” I mumbled grudgingly. “I am definitely not staying up late or waking up in the middle of the night to pick you up.”

She smiled her dimpled smile once more, and I almost felt guilty to be such a douche with her. Almost. I was too caught up in my own damn chagrin to worry that much.

“No problem, big bro. Taking me there is enough.” She winked and leaned to me. “You’re the best.” And she kissed my cheek.

Then I couldn’t avert the fucking guilt. 

Rosalie stood up and walked to the door. Once more I was acting against my will, but this time it was imperative that I did so.

“Rose.” I called her and she turned to me under the doorsill. “What were you talking about when you said you had made a decision?”

Her whole face lit up and her smile was so broad that her dimples got even more evident. Something in her stance disturbed me. I shook slightly.

“If everything goes the way I plan, you’ll know soon enough.” She finished arching her brows up, giving me a pointed look and turning away.

I simply didn’t have it in me to confirm my suspicion, so I let her walk out of my room without uttering another word.

My mind was a hundred miles per hour, though.

I knew she was planning to get to Edward… And I was scared to death that she would get what she wanted.

*

Thursday passed in a blur. I woke up late ‘cause I simply couldn’t sleep the night before, I spent the little free time I had before work trying to convince myself to call Edward and ask him when he was coming back but I never went further than opening the speed dial screen, I worked more than I should have just because I needed the distraction, I went straight home by the end of the day, I didn’t eat much, I went straight to my room after saying a very haggard good night to my mom, I stayed up, against my will, till three in the morning when sleep finally claimed me.

On Friday the Thursday nightmare repeated itself partly. I spent my day in a haze of frustration mixed with sadness and longing. I lost count of how many times I sighed and took deep breaths to try and calm my heart. There was this anguish that I simply couldn’t put away, and my heart was so heavy in my chest I couldn’t breathe well.

It was so strange to feel that way. I’d never been so troubled before. And for something that wasn’t really a real problem...

Anyway, I went through the day. And by the beginning of the evening I was feeling down but I was managing. Barely. 

I took Rosalie to the party she wanted so much to go. I hardly spoke a word or two but I don’t think she actually noticed anything. She was babbling (as usual) about her friends and the party… Only when she mentioned Edward (she said unabashedly she wished he were there) I had sort of a reaction (I cringed), and when she asked me about when he was coming back I kind of chastised her (I told her she should be a little less easy, and that she was too young for Edward) but she just dismissed me saying I was jealous of her ‘cause I was too protective of her. Oh, my… She didn’t have a clue. I was actually a terrible brother... 

Well, after leaving her in a girls filled fucking hell, I came back home hoping that all the stress of the last days would knock me out and I would finally have a good night sleep.

I couldn’t have been more mistaken…

I slept, yes. But I had such a restless sleep it seemed I had spent the night awake.

So, there I was, alone in my house backyard, Saturday early morning, laid down on the grass with my eyes fixed on the remaining stars above me, feeling the crappy night effect dissipate slowly from my mind as I relaxed and wondering if nine days weren’t time enough for Carlisle and Edward to organize what was needed for our move to Providence.

I missed him so much it was almost ridiculous. I knew it was like this because of these new feelings, and because his absence had enhanced them, I wouldn’t say otherwise… 

We hadn’t spoken with each other since that crazy call the previous Friday and it was getting increasingly strange not having him around. It seemed to me my needing his constant presence was intensifying every day we spent away from each other. 

I just wanted him to arrive as soon as possible. Even though I still didn’t have any idea about what I was going to do with the whole shit that I was feeling…

After a deep sigh I sat, folded my legs and put my elbows on my thighs, closing my eyes for an instant. It would be a while till the sunrise, and I would sit there and wait for the warmth of the first sunbeams . I was feeling so cold and lonely...

Then my heart jolted. Out of nowhere. But as I was hit by the warm feeling I was so well acquainted with those days, I understood. 

I took a deep breath while letting my lips stretch at their own accord in a spontaneous and large smile. Then I closed my eyes, several seconds before something covered my head. A cap. 

I didn’t move an inch. I knew he would sit by my side in less than a second.

“You're a Bear now.” He said as I felt him joining me on the lawn, his tone seeming content.

God! It was so good to hear his voice… I trembled.

I exhaled heavily before opening my eyes looking forward. I was kind of afraid to look to the side… I held the cap’s flap and took it off, bringing it to my sight. I smiled even broader when I identified the Brown Bear paw printed on the cap sides and the big “B” on the front. It was all I could do to avoid doing what I really wanted… Looking at him at once.

“Who could’ve known that my skinny shy best friend would become a brilliant basketball college player…” He recited with clear pride. 

I finally looked at him, barely containing the joy that flooded me instantaneously as his beautiful face came into sight, my heart pounding faster. He smiled to me and I could feel myself melt.

Say something you idiot! Unless you want him to realize you’re so into him.

“And would get into an Ivy League university…” I completed with a surprising linear tone. “Or join the pre-med program…”

“These I’ve always known you were capable to pull off.” He assured. “The athletic part is the surprise.”

We laughed a little. And suddenly it didn’t seem he had been away for almost two weeks. It felt like the whole shit I had gone through in his absence had never happened.

Odd.

My heart started to calm down and I realized it was too early for him to be there.

“When did you arrive?” The question practically slipped from my mouth.

“Just now.” He answered simply. “I was passing by in the car with dad, and I saw the post light on…” He pointed to the post on the corner of my backyard and shrugged. “I know you come here when you can’t sleep.” He sighed.

He knew me so damn well…

“You’re not tired? It’s five in the morning and I bet you didn’t sleep along the flight here.” I said in a light tone.

The smile he gave me was so fucking beautiful… And I just knew he had understood I was showing him I knew him as well as he knew me. &nbsp;

“A little.” He admitted it. “I just wanted to give you the cap…” He stopped talking and pursed his lips while shaking his head slightly.

It was subtle, and I wasn’t sure, but it seemed he had cut himself off before the real end of the sentence.

I kept waiting for the rest but it never came. And then his cheeks started to redden. He was embarrassed? But why?

I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable, though, so I started speaking the first thing that came to my mind.

“How did you get it?” I asked holding the cap up, dazzled with how the blue in his eyes was glowing so much.

“Oh, I have my ways, you know that.” His voice was joyful.

Awkward moment passed. 

We laughed a little again before he proceeded. “OK, actually, in one of the times I went to the university with my father, to hand in your documents and some of mine, we bumped into the basketball team coach.” he explained with enthusiasm. “It happens that my father and your future trainer were college mates. So they started to talk and my dad told him my best friend was one of his new acquisitions. He asked your name and when I told him…” He paused, making an amazed face. “He was so enthusiastic about you playing for the Bears… It was him who chose you. He was the one who saw the last season games. Remember I told you there was a Brown scout on the finals?” I nodded. “So, he said to us that he was astounded with your skills and that you were the first one to be recruited among the nine he did so.”

“Really?” I was perplex.

“Really! C’mon, Jay, you know you’re that good.” he paused again, lightly elbowing me. “Then he gave me the cap and asked me to give it to you so you’d know you’re already a Bear.” 

I put the cap back on my head, feeling a little proud of myself and happy as hell because my future coach was so thrilled to have me in his team. But frankly? I was happier ‘cause Edward was proud of me.

He put his hand on my shoulder.

“Happy?” He asked, knowing too well the answer to that.

“I’ve never been more excited about something in my entire life.” I grinned like an idiot. 

“You should see our apartment. We’re less than five minutes from campus, and we have a great view from the city. Besides, we have a spare room, which means…” He gave me the cue.

“We’ll have the gang hanging out with us, there.” 

“Yeah.”

We nodded and smiled, and then, maybe, probably, overwhelmed by all the joy I was feeling for having him back there finally, this impulsiveness came out of nowhere, compelling me to spill without a filter. “I missed you.” 

It was just a whisper, but I could identify the intensity I put, unconsciously, in my voice. And by the face Edward immediately made, so did he.

My face blushed and I averted my eyes from his, looking at my hands instead. Suddenly I was terrified of his reaction. I’d spoken too much.

Damn you, Jasper! Way to go! Now pray for him to be really tired and unobservant. Cause if he’s not, for damn fucking sure he’ll get everything.

Edward sighed deeply, what automatically made me think he had, indeed, noticed everything. What came next surprised the hell out of me.

“I missed you too, Jay.” He assured in a serious, but steady, tone.

I looked at him cautiously, afraid of what I would see, but he was looking at me with that soft gaze of his, something that confused me completely.

Of course we’d shown each other affection along our lives, but nothing like this, nothing so explicit like a confession of feeling each other’s absence. I didn’t really know how I was expecting him to react, actually I hadn’t even meant to say that, so I wasn’t expecting anything. But for sure I wasn’t expecting him to reciprocate. 

But I was happy, regardless. He missed me… Better yet, he missed me and also admitted he missed me.

Did it mean anything?

I didn’t have time to rationalize it...

Suddenly our eyes were locked. I couldn’t look away from the brindle grey in his blue orbs, so intensely connected to mine… And something I couldn’t describe transpired. 

Something was spreading inside me… A feeling I couldn’t name. And there was this… Energy… A powerful energy that ignited my body in a foreign way, and propagated between us.

Time stood still.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even blink. I was completely lost into his eyes… All I was aware of (besides him) was this pull that was enticing me to move to him.

And for damn sure I wasn’t the only one feeling that. I could tell he was as much locked in my eyes as I was in his. I could almost see the electric current flowing between us, it was written all over his face and in the way he was staring at me. 

My gaze never diverted from his, and I don’t know how long we kept looking intensely into each other’s eyes, but I was perfectly able to notice when his lips moved. It was a subtle move, almost imperceptible, like he was about to say something. 

But I would never know what... 

“Jayjay! Baby, are you out there?” My mom’s voice reached my ears, loud and clear.

Faster than I could follow, Edward was looking forward, his jaw set in a hard angle.

“What are you doing out here this early in the morning, sweets?” My mom spoke from somewhere behind me. “Hey Edward!”

I never looked away from him, still trying to gauge his mood. He turned his head on my mother’s direction (she finally was at my sight range) and smiled.

“Good morning Miss Hale.”

“What are you two doing out here in the cold? It’s still dark. Come inside.”

At last I looked away. I concentrated in my hands, inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, forcing the tension out of me.

“I’ve just arrived from Providence and I was passing by when I saw the post light on.” He gave my mother the same explanation he gave me. “But I’m heading home. My mom’s probably waking up and she’ll wonder where I am. I just wanted to hand Jay’s new cap.” His voice was weird, trembled I guessed, but it could be my clouded mind tricking me.

“Oh, OK. Are you sure you don’t wanna stay and have breakfast with us?”

“After almost two weeks away from home, I better be there when my mom sets the table.” 

“Another day then. Tell Esme I sent a kiss. Jayjay, son, are you gonna stay out here, freezing?”

I looked at my mom, controlling the unjustified anger I was feeling towards her. She was standing just beside Edward, a big smile on her beautiful face.

“I’m going in in a sec, mom.” And that said I rose from the ground.

I noticed Edward doing the same but I didn’t look at his direction. I was really shaken.

“So I’ll leave you boys to say your goodbyes. Bye Edward. Don’t be a stranger.” My mom said as she moved away.

“Bye Miss Hale.”

We finally looked at each other again and it was so fucking weird…

At least it was clear something had really happened and I wasn’t seeing things that were not there.

“I have to go. I told my dad I wouldn’t take long, so…” He shrugged, his shoulders tense, his hands inside his pockets, his face blushed. “I’ll see you later, yeah? You’re still going to the festival?”

I hadn’t noticed I was mimicking his posture until then. I exhaled once more, heavily, and nodded. “Everybody’s gonna meet at your house, right?”

“As usual.” He smiled, but it was so frail it didn’t reach his eyes.

“See you then.”

He nodded and soon was walking away.

What had just happened between us?

*

“For fuck sake, Jay!” Jacob shouted from Emmet’s car window. “We said one o’clock, not around one!”

I left my bike leaned on Edward’s house wood gate and hurried to the open back door of the big guy’s truck, seating by Edward’s side.

“We were almost leaving without you.” Emm said in a harsh tone. “ It’s almost two and we’ll probably get some traffic. It will be a hell to find a good parking space.”

“I called you three times but you didn’t answer.” Edward’s voice was the only soft one, his eyes attentive on my face, gauging carefully my mood. 

“I couldn’t answer.” I kind of apologized in a low voice just to him. “I’m sorry, guys. Something came up just as I was getting ready to come.” I spoke louder so Jake and Emm could hear me above the engine roar, and my voice betrayed my disturbance. “I almost didn’t make it.”

Emmet looked briefly at me. “OK, man. The next time you just warn us or ask me to pick you up.” He said already looking to the road ahead.

I nodded, knowing he wasn’t seeing my gesture, and turned my head to the window, breathing slowly to calm myself down.

Hell had broken loose at my house half an hour before I left. I was actually keeping a nice and purple remembrance of that.

I stroked my forearm feeling the ache below my long sleeve shirt. It was a good thing the weather had changed and it was a little cool.

“Is everything OK?” I heard Edward’s voice. It was low enough for me to know it was meant just for me to hear it.

I looked at him and he had this worried frown marring his perfect features. I sighed. I didn’t want to mess up what would be our last day trip with the gang before we move. So I smiled weakly and nodded, not really trusting my voice.

He was clearly not convinced. And it wasn’t long till I felt his hand rest on my shoulder and squeeze a little. I expected him to remove it soon after, but he never did that. He simply leaned his elbow on the backrest and kept his hand on me while looking into my eyes with this tenderness.

I felt protected enough. So I sighed again, in relief, and bowed my head.

The rest of the one hour trip to Seattle was basically uneventful. Jake and Emm were talking lightly in the front, some song was playing in the sound system, Edward was replying every time the guys spoke directly to him and I was quietly looking through the window. My best friend’s hand never left my shoulder, and for that I was grateful. Even more so than for his discretion.

We arrived half an hour later than what we had planned, and we indeed had some difficulty in finding a nice enough parking space, but I guess the guys noticed how down I was, so they never gave a hard time.

As soon as we parked Jacob left the car and Emmet threw the keys over his shoulder to Edward, which puzzled me completely. “Don’t take too long. We meet at the entrance.” And then he closed the door, leaving us alone.

Edward exhaled heavily and I turned to him. He was already turned in my direction.

“What did he do this time?” He asked sternly.

There was no point in hiding what happened from him, he knew something was up and it was clear he also knew it was related to my father. And I actually needed his support, as always, but I wasn’t really in the mood to open up. If I did I was sure I would cry and I didn’t want to do that in front of him at that moment. 

“I really don’t wanna talk about that, E. Not now.” I justified in a low tone.

“Do you wanna go somewhere else?” He was obviously worried, his face was all distorted. “You don’t need to be here if you don’t want to.”

Would you go and stay with me if I said yes? I thought. In that specific moment would be truly great to be alone with him.

But I would never ask him that. Not in that ambiguous situation I was in.

“I don’t…” I hesitated in being sincere, ‘cause I couldn’t be so straight forward. But then I found a way to tell the truth without revealing too much. “I don’t really wanna be alone.”

He sighed. “You wouldn’t. Do you think I would leave you alone when I'm seeing you need me?”

A warm, comforting familiar feeling spread through my chest. This small reassurances of his care for me made all the difference.

“No. I know you wouldn’t leave me by myself. It’s just…” I exhaled. “I don’t wanna screw your day.”

Swiftly he leaned in my direction and held my face between his hands. My heart bolted and I held my breath.

“How many times do I have to tell you you’re the most important person in my life?” His voice was deep, his eyes fierce. “If you need me, I’ll be with you. Not matter at what cost. So stop thinking you would screw my day if we weren’t here. What screws my day is seeing you like this and not be able to make you feel better.”

I nodded, a little in shock. And then my damn eyes fell to his lips. I couldn’t avoid it. It was a natural reaction to his proximity.

I heard him sigh loudly and then his hands were nowhere near me. I looked at his eyes, afraid of what I would see. They were closed.

His forehead was creased, making his face look tense. I lowered my eyes to his hands and noticed they had just loosen from the fists Edward had obviously clenched them into.

Was I reading too much in his gestures? ‘Cause I had the impression he had just had a hard time letting me go…

“So, you wanna get outta here?” He asked in a strained tone and I forced myself to look back at his face.

If I said yes, where would we go? 

Probably to our spot, at the lake. We would be alone and I would open my heart to him as I always did. And this would be a big problem…

‘Cause I was too fragile to keep myself in check, especially when this crazy, coming out of nowhere hope was filling me in and making me see things that most possibly were not there.

So I regained consciousness, forcefully, and resigned myself to the reality.

“I wanna stay and go to the festival.” I replied. 

“OK.” He sighed once more. “Then, let’s get outta the car.”

We were out soon after, and we walked in silence to the stadium. &nbsp;Once we met the guys we entered and went to the meeting point where we had agreed to meet the girls.

As we waited the conversation was flowing, about various subjects, and it was joyful, animated. But I wasn’t engaging.

I was discreetly looking at Edward, trying to grasp something, anything, that would support the insane hope that had arisen within me.


Would it be possible he felt something for me? Something at least similar to what I was feeling for him?

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