Hippongus Insalubres
Autor: Francine | Publicado: 2011-09-15T11:54:00-07:00

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Certa feita, o aplicado aluno Manuel fez uma redação. Eis aqui o que o garoto, na sua inocência dos 10 anos de idade, descreveu:
Vi ontem um bicho na imundície do pátio. Ele era bípede, dotado de polegar opositor e cultivava em sua cabeleira variados tipos de fungos. Esse bicho catava comida entre os detritos. O mais incrível foi presenciar a felicidade dele ao se deparar com um pedaço da pizza que o Totó dispensou ontem na hora do jantar.
Depois não demorou muito e mais bichos da mesma espécie se juntaram ao pestilento local. Um deles carregava algo de madeira que, a princípio, era para ser um violão. Os machos tinham barbas e as fêmeas tinham mais pêlos que a Cláudia Ohana nos anos 80.
Esses bichos se comunicavam através de um dialeto incompreensível e utilizavam gírias tão datadas quanto o meu vídeo-cassete CCE. Eles vociferavam coisas sobre a vindoura era de aquário, algumas bobagens sobre astrologia e, aparentemente, devido ao cérebro atrofiado, conseguiam executar apenas os acordes mais básicos das músicas do Legião Urbana.
Quando eles encontravam alguma coisa entre a podridão ali reinante, não examinavam e nem cheiravam, apenas engoliam e exclamavam: “Bah! Que viagem!”
Minha vó disse que aqueles bichos foram uma raça produzida no século passado, nos locais mais recônditos dos laboratórios da Nasa. Aqueles bichos pareciam ser uma cruza entre o Homo Sapiens e os integrantes da banda Los Hermanos.
Após algumas horas vislumbrando aquele espetáculo hediondo, aferi que eles não eram bichos. Meu Deus, eles eram hippies.