Não quero mais viver
Autor: Andre Andrade Rodrigues | Publicado: 2014-12-26T11:02:00-02:00

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Tenho
28 anos, sou ex evangélico, acredito muito em Deus. Mas não quero mais viver...
não vejo sentido para isso, não sou feliz porque algo me falta, morro todos os
dias um pouco e estou oco por dentro.&nbsp;De uns 5 anos para cá, eu vivo entre
altos e baixos, e não sei como controlar as minhas crises.&nbsp;Hoje foi um dos
dias mais difíceis pra mim...









Acho
que chorei umas 2 horas seguidas na madrugada, num choro silencioso debaixo das cobertas, pensei em me internar em um
hospital de 'doido' que tem perto da minha casa, pensei em todas as formas que
eu poderia me matar.&nbsp;




Desde
que começou essa fase da minha vida, eu comecei a ter vontade de me suicidar...
mas hoje foi bem mais crítico, pensei em me enfocar, cortar a jugular, me jogar
na frente de carros, me jogar de um viaduto... enfim...









Mas
algo me falta.&nbsp;Nunca tive uma vida 'normal', porque meus avos morreu
quando eu era criança, e desde então eu tive que crescer sozinho e ser forte pra tudo
na minha vida. Mas com o tempo a gente vai cansando de ser forte, cansando de
ser surrado pela vida e pelas circunstâncias. 









Desde
que separei do Julio, sou eu que mantenho a casa... e as vezes me sinto sobrecarregado de
responsabilidade, porque não tenho ninguém para me ajudar com nada... alguém que eu possa confiar, e que me estenda a mão. 









As
vezes converso com minhas amigas e amigos sobre isso, converso com minha irmã, mas
acredito que ninguém realmente entende, porque so quem passou por tudo que
estou passando sabe do que tou passando...









Não
tenho forças para mais nada... Fico muito triste, Me sinto incompetente, fraco,
medíocre... um lixo.









Tento
ficar feliz... ser mais tranquilo e maleável... mas parece que uma gota vira um
oceano.









Já
não sei o que eu faço da minha vida... só tenho vontade de ficar em casa.. mas
infelizmente tenho que me arrastar para o trabalho...









Não
tenho mais vontade de nada... só de morrer. Antes o medo do inferno me
'segurava' para não fazer nada contra minha própria vida, mas hoje parece que
nem isso importa mais... tento nao perder o resto de equilíbrio que me resta, mas não sei ate quando vou segurar essa barra...









Sei
que todos que entram na minha pagina estão passando por algo parecido, mas
honestamente eu tenho a esperança que alguém possa ler isso e me ajude, porque
sei que estou no fundo do poço. E que preciso de ajuda.&nbsp;Não sei o que eu
tenho... nem sei se é depressão.. transtorno bipolar... ou apenas uma fase.




To
confuso.









Mas
ainda assim quero que o Senhor me leve.&nbsp;Essa é a única oração que eu tenho
feito.&nbsp;Quem pode me ajudar ...