Ocultar a dor
Autor: James Ribeiro | Publicado: 2013-06-06T04:27:00-07:00





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A impaciência em relação à espera tornou-se fina e
quebrável. Aos poucos meu interior foi escurecendo com o passar dos dias,
deliberadamente. &nbsp;Não lembro em qual
momento eu percebi que já era tarde demais para retroceder, mas sei que algo eu
precisava fazer. É como se o destino me levasse a caminhos sinuosos, sem
motivos aparentes, sem como saber recorrer a uma mão amiga, e, sem saber como
suportar a perda... As lembranças ainda insistem, permanecendo vivas como o
fogo que ainda não se apagou. E, mesmo com toda essa confusão dentro da minha
cabeça, meu coração ainda não esqueceu completamente. Eu preciso ficar sozinho,
pra tentar entender coisas que ainda não consigo compreender. Eu preciso achar
um meio viável de me consolar com a solidão, mesmo que temporariamente. É
necessário fazer escolhas difíceis, mesmo que isso magoe alguém... Ocultar a
dor está sendo mais fácil agora, como uma dose diária, que me impede de
destilar meu sangue brutalmente. Não desisti simplesmente do amor em si, apenas
desisti de tentar alimentar falsas esperanças, pois houve noites em que não
dormi pensando o quanto isso tudo não valeu apena. Talvez eu melhore ou talvez
eu piore... Não usei desde artifício chamado superação, e tão pouco descobri
como fazer para superar. Estou apenas vivendo um dia de cada vez, um dia bem
outro dia mal, sem restrições ou vestígios de alucinações em sonhos que me
desorientam da realidade. A vida é assim mesmo, por uma boa causa, por um
grande amor, por uma perda inevitável... Eu joguei às cinzas desse sentimento
ao vento. O que sobrou dele foi o meu fim e o meu novo começo, travando
batalhas internas entre a razão e o coração. É hora de escrever uma nova história,
mesmo que isso me tire do foco algumas vezes. É hora de seguir em frente, mesmo
que isso me impeça de lutar por alguns dias. É hora de tentar viver sem você,
mesmo que isso seja a única forma para tentar ser feliz...