Autor: lost girl | Publicado: 2010-10-23T14:58:00-07:00

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 <![endif]-->  Eu quero vomitar essas incertezas todas que me amargam. Eu quero abortar esse medo camuflado entre todos os meus desejos&nbsp;insanos&nbsp;e também inseguros. Eu quero colocar para fora essas dores que me voltam em&nbsp;Agosto, como bobagens&nbsp;tão pequenas quanto cacos finos de vidro encravados nos meus pés. Eu quero caminhar sem senti-los, sem que se enterrem ainda mais fundo enquanto não assumo a coragem de&nbsp;pinçá-los e jogá-los fora. Se explico, me dizem que são coisas pequenas, miudezas, insignificâncias… então eu guardo as minhas explicações no mesmo lugar onde afundo minhas angústias. E as mastigo sozinha. Secas, ácidas, travadas. Minhas angústias de elevador nunca descem completamente. Elas caem e depois voltam. Como a terra que decanta no fundo de um copo com água, e que inevitavelmente sobe quando é revolvida. Então estou revolvendo na lama que fiz com minhas águas e minhas terras? Talvez. Mas essa chuva que não deveria chover em&nbsp;Agosto, esse frio quando meu casaco já nem esperava sair do armário, essas nuvens, esses sinais de ausência de obviedade&nbsp;no tempo… tudo se torna tão pouco óbvio que eu não posso prever. E sinto mil espécies diferentes de um mesmo medo - mil cruzamentos híbridos entre o que eu desejo e o que eu me&nbsp;proíbo&nbsp;desejar. Pessoas partem, vidas seguem, sabores se dissolvem. E eu espero pelos dias em que minhas angústias vão decantar no fundo de mim mesma, quietas, densas, inertes. E me perdoe pelo peso das palavras: eu espero pelas minhas angústias mortas. Para me sentir mais viva.