Hoje. Somente.
Autor: **lyzardqueen** | Publicado: 2012-07-07T02:45:00-03:00

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Quero flores sem motivo, quero vigílias para ouvir meu
ressonar, quero caminhadas de vinte quilômetros só para olhar nos meus olhos.
Gosto de presentes sem data especial, beijos apaixonados, palavras sinceras no
guardanapo. Quero a sensação da paixão desenfreada, do amor sem data para
expirar, do sexo sem limites. Quero você percorrendo meu corpo com a língua, só
para dizer que me conhece de verdade. Quero um abraço mais sincero do que o
choro de uma criança, e o choro mais infantil que a sinceridade possa permitir.
Não quero apenas meias-palavras, semi-sinceras, sempre à meia-luz. Quero todas
as palavras, todas sinceras, a qualquer momento. Gosto do gozo compartilhado no
olhar, no ar respirado, na pulsação do coração. E quero sim, confiança para
deitar sem medo em seu peito, desfrutar plenamente suas declarações, não duvidar
do óbvio. Quero não me apavorar ao tremer o corpo inteiro simplesmente mediante
a possibilidade de te encontrar. Quero não me jogar no escuro, pois isso eu
faço a qualquer momento, com qualquer pessoa. Gosto de ser lembrada que sou única,
que não há cópia, que não há segunda chance. Quero a satisfação de ser
respeitada e admirada exatamente pela minha sã loucura, pela minha essência. E,
não se iluda, vou conseguir.



Ainda dói. Ainda queima. Ainda arde. Ainda me transpassa o coração.
Ainda me tira o foco, o sono, a sanidade, a razão, a vontade de levantar pela
manhã. Mas tudo isso passará. Resta saber o que ficará. Isso sim, será
aprendizado. Isso sim, me fará mais forte. Isso sim, acrescentará meu ser. Mas
ainda é cedo. Cedo demais. Estou exigindo mais do que posso suportar, e eu sei
disso, pois é minha conduta normal. Nunca fui mais do que impassivelmente
exigente comigo mesma. Natural não ser de forma diferente agora.



Tenho desviado o olhar para ninguém perceber minha dor,
aceitado situações discutíveis para não me envolver emocionalmente, mantido
distância para manter as aparências. Isso não sou eu. Isso é o meu eu temporário,
lutando contra o luto. Mas ninguém precisa saber, ninguém tem obrigação de se
preocupar. Vou mantendo assim. Prefiro assim.