"Horizonte Branco (As White as a Page)"
Autor: Astha Corrêa | Publicado: 2012-12-16T13:48:00Z

Olá, olá! No caso de ainda não terem visto, E Assim Foi já tem uma versão inglesa, se quiserem ler.
Como disse, aqui está um novo episódio da vida de Léo. Desta vez pensei que seria sensato postar algo inteiramente dela e só dela. Como irão confirmar, é exactamente isso que acontece.

Espero que gostem!

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"&nbsp; “É
desta!” Não saio daqui sem ter estudado este livro, sem saber o que errei
redondamente num teste que deveria ter-me corrido bem. Todas aquelas horas de
estudos… parecem-me tão em vão agora. Poderia ter usufruído delas melhor,
poderia ter-me esforçado mais por ter tido uma boa nota.

Deito-me
na cama, abro o livro. As palavras da professora foram claras. O teste não me
correu bem. Mais vale estudar agora até não poder mais, do que mostrar o
desinteresse de uma negativa e só decidir pedir por um trabalho de melhoramento
quando já não houver nada que possa remediar o que escrevi naquele teste, e o
que a professora, na sua caneta vermelha, corrigiu-me.

Folheio
as páginas, repito estas palavras, uma e outra vez, até as saber de cor e de
alma. Elaboro perguntas que me ajudem a compreender, obrigo-me a formar
possíveis respostas que até o Diogo venha a perceber o seu conteúdo. Tenho de
saber isto. 

Oiço
os zumbidos dos carros lá fora. Consigo distinguir todos os cantos dos
pássaros, os pequenos murmúrios das conversas que se espalham pelas casas que
me rodeiam. As palavras e risos do Vicente e da Júlia chegam perfeitas ao meu
quarto, sei quais falsidades conta o meu irmão à pobre coitada da sua namorada,
sem saber lhe aconteceu na vida e porque esconde os seus sentimentos numa
relação comprometida.

Consigo
ouvir o passar da água nos canos da casa, os pequenos sussurros da corrente a
percorrer fundo nas paredes, longe de algum dia ter sequer reparado que noutra divisão
senão a casa de banho pudesse ouvir a canalização…

Quanto
mais passo à frente nestas palavras caras e frases compostas, menos me lembro
do que disse antes. Impossível! Como podem querer que perceba tais palavras,
tais frases, que se agrupam e formam parágrafos que complicam aquilo que penso
que sei, e dificultam aquilo que não percebo? Como podem com tais expressões
querer que perceba uma matéria que, por natureza, é nos dito ser fácil e
básico, mas que não poderiam ser mais complexas ou mais confusas do que já são?

Como
posso perceber algo, que nem quem escreveu o deve ter percebido, para conseguir
complicar algo que tem de ser tão compreensível?

“Fantástico…”
Incrível como este livro, este estudo, este teste que arruinei, podem vir a
decidir todo o meu futuro. Podem vir a determinar se passo ou não de ano, se
tenho ou não uma boa nota. Que restringem o que posso vir a seguir, se será o
que sempre sonhei ou se será o meu maior pesadelo.

Embaraço
os meus cabelos “Aaaaagh!”, não vou conseguir concentrar-me com todo este
barulho…! Levanto-me para buscar o meu leitor de música na gaveta da minha
secretária, ajeito a minha camisola branca única.

Ponho
os auscultadores nos ouvidos antes de tornar a deitar-me na cama, cruzo as
pernas no ar e apoio os braços na colcha entre a minha cabeça repousada e o
livro.

Um
pouco de esforço. Não me custa nada. Só tenho de tentar perceber, e dar a
entender à professora que realmente me arrependo, e que me empenho
verdadeiramente na sua disciplina. Que tenho consciência que esta, e qualquer
outra, têm um grande peso no meu futuro.

Leio
de novo. Volto as páginas atrás e faço perguntas ao livro, tento eu mesma
respondê-las antes de retirar as mãos de cima das letras e ter acesso à
resposta correcta. 

Suspiro.
Um conceito. Um conceito é tudo o que sei… “Alegra-te,” ainda assim, já é
qualquer coisa."


Hello, hello! In case you haven't seen it yet,&nbsp;How everythin' Started&nbsp;already has an english version. Feel free to check it out!
So as I said, here it is another episode of Léo's life. This time I thought it'd be sensible to post something entirely hers and only hers. As you'll confirm, that's exactly what this is.

Enjoy!



" “Right!” I won’t leave this room before I’ve studied this book, before I’ve known what I got deeply wrong in a test that was supposed to go well. All those hours studying… look so in vain to me now. I could’ve taken better advantage, could’ve work myself out more to have a good grade.

I lay down on the bed, open the book. The teacher’s words were clear. The test didn’t go well to me. I better study now until I can’t anymore, than show disinterest of a negative and just decide to ask for an improvement work when there is nothing to remedy what I wrote in that test, and what the teacher, in her red pen, corrected me.

I flip through the pages, repeating these words, once and again, until I know them by heart and soul. I work out some questions to help myself understand, I force myself to compose possible responses that even Diego can understand its content. I have to know this.

I hear the tinnitus of the cars outside. I can distinguish every sing of the birds, all the small whispers of the conversation that spread over the houses around me. All the words and laughs of Vicente and Júlia get to my room perfectly, I know which untruths my brother tells to his poor girlfriend, without knowing what happened to his life and why he hides his feeling behind a compromised relationship.

I can hear the water passing through the pipes of the house, the small whispers of the stream going around deep on the walls, far from ever having noticed that even in another room but the bathroom it was possible to heard the plumbing…

Each time I run through this expensive word and composed phrases, I remember less what I said before. Impossible! How can they want me to understand such words, such phrases, that group up and form paragraphs that complicates what I think I know, and make harder what I don’t understand? How can they use such expressions and still want me to understand this subject that, by nature, is told to us to be easy and basic, but couldn’t be more complex and more confuse than what they already are?

How can I understand something that not even who wrote it must have understood, and still be able to complicate something that’s supposed to be so comprehensive?

“Awesome…” Incredible how this book, this subject, this test that I ruined, can come to decide every each corner of my future. How they can come to determine if I pass or not this year, if I have or not a good grade. That restrict what I can do with my life, if it’s going to be like I dreamt or if it’s going to be my biggest nightmare.

I embarrass my hair “Aaaaagh!”, I won’t be able to concentrate with all this noise…! I get up to get my music player in the drawer of my desk, I recompose my unique white t-shirt.

I put the headphones in my hears before I turn back to lay again on my bed, I cross my legs in the air and support my arms on the quilt between my laid head and the book.

A little effort. Doesn’t cost anything. I only have to understand, and show my teacher that I really regret, and that I really commit myself to her subject. That I’m conscious that this, and any other, play a big role on my future.

I read it again. I turn back the pages and make question to the book, trying to answer them myself before taking out my hand from above the letters and have access to the right answer.

I sigh. One concept. One concept is all I know… “Cheer up”, still, it’s already something."


You can check out too the next post, Last Call as soon as I post it (sometime today). Cannot promise nor point out any day for the next last two posts, but they'll come soon as I said in How Everythin' Started.
As usual,&nbsp; remember to comment with your thoughts and tell me if you 
liked it or not and, if not, what would you change (by visiting my new 
Facebook page 
http://www.facebook.com/blogastha?ref=notif&amp;notif_t=page_new_likes).

&nbsp;Podem ler também o próximo post, De Súpito assim que o postar (ainda hoje). Não posso prometer nem determinar nenhum dia em que vá postar os próximos e últimos dois posts, mas virão brevemente como disse em E Assim Foi.
Como
 é habitual,&nbsp; lembrem-se de comentar o que acharam e digam-me se 
gostaram ou não e, se não, o que mudariam (ao visitarem a minha nova 
página do Facebook 
&nbsp;http://www.facebook.com/blogastha?ref=notif&amp;notif_t=page_new_likes).