unfair;
Autor: Autumn Leaves | Publicado: 2015-01-29T15:13:00-08:00


this is my last post... this blog tells pieces of a story of endurance and hope for the biggest dream i ever had in my life... a dream that is all gone and the only real "forever" that left me is seeing my love &nbsp;going away and giving everything i dreamed with her to another man...&nbsp;





let me rest in piece... it is not fair, i did not deserve what I received, I received nothing, this is my reward, never seeing my dream to become true... we do not need to follow like you say, it was not the only option we had, now you want to do that because you feel that you can be happy without the one whose heart you tamed, we are responsible for those we have tamed but it is so easy to sing the song and in the next moment to turn back from the person you promise be forever with.. give excuses, explanations, say whatever you want to say to justify the damage you caused throwing away my love, it was all for you, there will never be more for anyone...ok, take your love as you've done and give to someone else, &nbsp;forgive yourself believing in the lie that I will be able to do the same one day, but I won't, I've already given all to you... &nbsp;not fair, so much pain, so much fighting, so much courage just for you to give up and give your heart to someone else... the worst lie, to say "forever" when your forever ends in the moment you see a way of living without the boy that gave his heart to you, I have never given up, never... you say I lied to you, yes, I lied, I did wrong many times but I kept the most precious promise and you with all your kindness broke our vow condemning my heart to suffer until the time I will be freed from this world... and you'll never know this is true, you'll never feel, because you'll have your partner, your kids, your family... the dreams we shared but you took all when you left me and gave to heart to another man... I forgive you but I will never accept what you did, I will never accept it because I will never be full without the dream of building a home with you... How could you desist? How could you even give those dreams to another man? You hurt me, you took everything that I wanted in life, a family to be in Heaven, and you left me all alone when I most needed you... I showed you the truth, I showed you my dreams and who I am and you said no... You said you did not want to be with me and my broken dream were nothing for you have a new partner to dream with...this is what you left for me... remarkable sorrow... i failed with you many times, you failed with me, but this is not what i deserved...this is not fair... &nbsp;show your smile to him, hug him and let him touch your face and dry your tears, rest your head on his chest and close your hands on his hands, make plans for the future, dream with him about having kids, dream with him about going to Heaven together, call him your love...give him everything i dream, &nbsp;keep hurting me, hurt me forever and ever... I can't even stop crying, i can't barely resist this agony and sorrow ... just keep hurting me until no more pills make sleep, until no more medicines palliate my misery, smile to him while you believe i am fine, hurt me still more until I have only what you want from me... nothing...



goodbye



˜autumn leaves

i do not know what is happening, I am just a boy who thought he would arrive at home and be able to kiss his wife and daughter, smile to them, hug them, love them, have a family... do you have any idea of how important this is for me? but no, I was just told I would be alone in this world because the only woman I will ever love decided to marry another... i am not the&nbsp;kind person who feels God easily, I am the kind who seeks Him, who studies, who tries really hard to learn about Him, to stay with Him... but now I do not have&nbsp;strength, I am hurt, so hurt that I do not want to fight, I've already fought &nbsp;for so long, I wish I could just be blessed and had my tired soul freshen such as it's happening to everybody except me... I feel I was left aside, I feel I was forgotten, I feel that people who are able to have explosive feelings in their spiritual life, people from whom this part of life comes so easily are the&nbsp;preferred sons and they receive everything while my fight and my sorrow never ends...&nbsp;She was here suffering and I was in Australia suffering too, it was not easy, i thought i would die but I decided to be strong, to change&nbsp;everything, to do good, to solve the problems, &nbsp;to prepare myself&nbsp;for getting&nbsp;marriage and to follow my life with her side by side with God.... and she just gave up, and her reward is to find someone to love and mine is loosing everything... I do not dare to question God's fairness but I cannot believe this is all a simple spiritual answer, this is not the God I knew... this is not fair... nothing here is being fair...&nbsp;