i'm killing myself from the inside out
Autor: Nikkannibal | Publicado: 2012-10-11T10:06:00-03:00



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&nbsp; I wear black
on the outside

Because black
is how I feel on the inside



Estava ouvindo essa música. Ela realmente combina
comigo. Em últimos tempos, ainda mais… não tenho conseguido sentir amor por
ninguém. Eu até tinha tentado há um tempo, mas acho que não nasci pra isso. Ainda mais quando meus planos são logrados pela vida, e por outras pessoas, na realidade. Batalhei por uma coisa que não deu certo em últimos dias. E eu fiquei totalmente arrasada. De um jeito que eu não achei que ficaria. Não, não estou falando do meu livro. Ele continua firme, e acredito que seja a única coisa que me mantém viva ultimamente. 

Minha mãe ontem me disse que eu não tenho coração.
Acho que ela está certa, eu já cansei de simplesmente… sentir. Não estou
dizendo que não gosto dela ou do meu pai. Gosto deles! Mas já cansei de sentir,
já cansei, só.

Acho que são tons de cinza – nada a ver com aquele
livro, ok? –, existe o preto, que seria algo concreto. Algo não só obscuro como
vivo. O branco, este sim inexistente o bastante para ser morto. E o cinza, que
seria um pouco dos dois… acredito que estou em um tom de cinza. E aceito isso!

Estou aqui ouvindo Smiths, escrevendo um pouco,
querendo ter algum poder sobrenatural de mudar a vida de algumas pessoas, a
morte de algumas delas, querendo reverter algumas situações.&nbsp;

Tem sido bem
difícil, só…