Que choro é o seu?
Autor: Adriana Ricci | Publicado: 2015-03-05T01:11:00-03:00


Dia desses fui pega de sopetão por um
choro. Acordei e ainda na cama deslizando os dedos pelos e-mails sem grande
significação no dia, abri um que anunciava 'novos imóveis em Penha de França'. Deletei e segui nos
e-mails com olhos embaçados de lágrimas caindo na camisola. Que diabo é isso?
Eu não tinha ideia de por que chorava. Eu não tinha uma pista sequer do que
havia dado sinal verde para as lágrimas. Só chorava e depois ria de mim mesma, sem
ideia do que fosse aquele choro mecânico.

De repente, volta a palavra “Penha de
França”. E lá estava eu, chorando por Penha de França, como quem chora por
alegria ou por saudade. Teria sido a notícia dos melhores bairros para se viver
em São Paulo que li há uns dias? Mas porque a Penha me faz chorar? A notícia
dizia que as pessoas se declaram felizes por lá. Seria a França? Mas a França
nunca me fez chorar. A França ainda não é para mim mais do que mulheres
discretas, a pátria do Lacan e o chão que a Torre habita. E cai lágrima - agora
no banho. Pensei na Cantareira. Um choro cívico, estocado no balde que divide espaço
comigo no box.

Um choro dissociado: falava de mim com
total estranheza. Chorava-me. Fui tocar a vida, fui passar rímel e conferir na
embalagem se ele era `a prova d’água. Segui: com a cara inchada e imaginando a
reação das pessoas que me perguntassem se eu havia chorado e eu dissesse que
sim, chorei por Penha de França, mas não foi nada, já passou.

Horas depois me lembrei de um post no
facebook de três anos atrás. Quase comecei a chorar de novo por ter chorado por
um post. Ainda bem que não passei o rímel, pensei. Legitimado o facebook como
fonte do choro e provada a atemporalidade do inconsciente. Era um check-in, na
Penha. Era uma inscrição no meu corpo de uma história que começava para um
casal. Mais que isso, era a confirmação de que eu não era mais um casal. Era a
minha exclusão do par. Era minha estreia ímpar. Um des-convite para a festa.
Tamanha a tristeza, demorou-se três anos até desembocar nos meus olhos. 

Se a palavra toca o corpo? Não duvido mais.


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São Paulo, 03 de março de 2015.