Hitchhiker
Autor: Diego MacGyver | Publicado: 2012-03-28T10:57:00-03:00






How screwed am I? No sleep at all.
One AM and not a single bit of sleep. Instead I got these catch phrase in my
mind. All together. The true, the fucking true. Doesn’t matter how bittersweet
it is. It’s the true. We are broken. As society, as people, as humans. We are
failures. Today a girl friend said “We are mistakes. Not that it is entirely
bad. But we are. We are made to fail”. I reply “we shat in our homes, we poison
our food, our water, our air. We are so fucking evolved. Praise evolution.”
Honestly, I do believe in evolution. Human kind is like in a bus. We start just
with the driver getting the fuck out of Big Bang city. He drove for about fourteen
billion years and makes a stop for pee. Well, shit happens. Who is on the road
taking a shit? “Yeah, I could give you a ride, get in.” he said. And the
evolution begins. After&nbsp; years driving by
caves the driver decide to take a detour. “It’s a shortcut, trust me. I am the
driver, after all”. We were kind of lost for a while. They called it Dark Age.
Funny name, we took a passenger named God and another named Church. God stood
by the window looking for outside in silence. Church was a fat, the most fat and
lazy thing in the world. The Church was wearing a white and red vestment and
lots of golden stuff. Church sat down with human kind and start to chat “You
know, I know everything! Yeah, do you have a minute or maybe a thousand years?
I can show you so many things!” In a blink the church convinced the driver to
slow down and stop. When everything looked fucked up. A group of guys,
hitchhikers that were passing by came to talk “Hey guys, are you in trouble?
What is wrong?” it was when they saw Church inside the bus. “Oh, shit.” The
driver looked at them and kind of woke up. He looked at his clock and screamed
“Holy piece of thunder shit! I am SO late.” He started the bus again and took
the road. The guys got in talking fast. They all had a sharp smile and fire in
the eyes. They stared at Church talking to human kind and felt silent for a
while. They traded looks and finally one of them took courage to talk. “Hi,
guys. Hello.” Church looked him up to down and said “Hello”. Human kind merely
opened eyes. I was like a dream. The guy went on just trying to make
conversation “Did you notice how the weather is these days?” Church was all
“Yeah, sure. And I know why, but I won’t tell you. You would not understand”.
The other guy said “Oh, ok. Who is your friend?” Church looked to Human kind
waking up and turned again to the new guy “hey, keep it down, you are waking
him, shut the fuck up”.&nbsp; The guy took a
step back. In a soft voice he tried again “Oh, sorry. Well did you knew the
world is round and spin around the sun?” Church cut him “Shut up, your idiot.
Of course it is not. We are the center and it is plain. If it was round we
would fall from the edge, asshole” The guy came back to his friends and said.
“It’s a waste of time, we got here too late. Who is that guy staring outside?”
The others said “we don’t know. Nobody understood him. We were just talking
about an idea think with us. If you are there, but , you do nothing. Are you
really there?” The other guy thought about it for a while. “Just like if a tree
falls in the middle of a forest, but there is no one to see. Does the tree
really fell?” The others changed a look and started arguing. They made such a
mess that Church was interested. Now shit just got serious. Human kind woke in
the middle of a fucking nightmare. There was a bunch of guys laughing. A fat
and pompous guy almost crying, red eyes, red face, screaming and spiting
everywhere. “You’re all wrong! You are lieing.” One of the guys said “my old
man used to say ‘empty chart makes lots of noise’”. Church said “I will tell
god, you will see” and went to the guy at the window. “They mocked me. They
said I am wrong. Do something, kill them, punish them!” The guys started laugh
even harder. Human kind approached and asked “Hey guys, what is so funny?” One
of them just pointed with the finger. Human kind saw Church crying alone in a
bench. That was kind of funny, kind of sad. One of them took a breath, put a
hand on Human kind shoulder and said “did you get the joke?” Human kind looked
again puzzled. “It’s ok, take your time” the guy said. Human kind stared
through the window and there was nothing outside. But when the bus passed by
something bright Human kind saw it and started to laugh. There was the joke,
all the time. They thought they were talking with god, but all the time was
just their reflex in the window, trembling. So how fucked you think you are.
Remember, we hit the bottom. And there are no mirrors down there. Just shit. My
girl friend gave me a great inspiration. I rather more a blowjob, but, as I said,
down here there is only shit. My nickname is Macgyver because I make awesome
things out of shit. I am also doing Engineer school. Yeah, I know. I make
myself the same question every fucking moment “What the hell is an Engineer
student doing writing?” I could say “it’s a D plan. Just in case plan A, B and
C fail”. As a matter of fact, plan A is not going that well. I was supposed to
be sleeping right now. Tomorrow I would study chemistry. Well, at least… at
least… sleep came. Finally!&nbsp;