Once again
Autor: *Nã* | Publicado: 2011-09-06T14:18:00-03:00



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Novamente essa dor que corrói, que seca, que esteriliza, que converte vontade em desilusão. Mais uma vez esse sentimento de incapacidade, de incompetência, de impotência; esse martírio de perguntas sem respostas, de respostas que não respondem a nada, de um nada cheio de vazio, de falta, de espaço a ser preenchido.   Sinto falta do que não conheço, rabisco rostos de pessoas que nunca vi, imagino conversas que nunca tive, falo comigo mesma sem saber quem sou eu mesma, se é comigo mesma que falo, ou com qualquer outra pessoa que invento em minha vida.Se invento pessoas??? É claro que invento! Invento a mim mesma. Me invento melhor que na verdade sou, me invento de um jeito que seja agradável me sentir. E invento as pessoas... de um modo que eu as possa suportar, de um jeito que não me doa conhecê-las, de forma que possamos conviver pacificamente. E, é lógico que também invento a paz! Isso é óbvio.Em minha vida nada tem o colorido da realidade, o cheiro da verdade. Tudo é desbotado, tudo cheira a mofo, tudo se resume a cinzas de uma pessoa que eu tento ser, mas que a tristeza queima, dissipa. Tudo acaba sendo um tentar sem conseguir, um planejar sem concretizar, um desejo que não se realiza, uma espera por algo que nunca chega, uma busca por alguém que jamais se encontra. Cansaço. Desânimo. Frustração. E mais tristeza...