O que aconteceu com Jeff Mangum
Autor: Taís Toti | Publicado: 2011-01-27T18:20:00-02:00

Ele mesmo contou. A dica é do Silvano.update: esse texto é velho, provavelmente de 2001, mas acho que vale a pena.hello everyonei think its time that i made a few things clear.first of all, i am not in hiding, as some have said. where i am i supposed to be hiding?behind the coach? in the cat box? under the bed?i wake up everyday, i walk out into the world and i say hello to the people i meet.the sun shines, the birds sing, the dogs birth out of the old womans eyeball, theafterbirth overwhelms me, swimming with strange creatures, etc. living in the great mysteryis enough for me right now.also it has been said that i dont like people listeningto my music, that i dont like playing live, that i stopped playing because people heckledme at my shows, called me names, etc. if you really think im that pathetic, then you shouldburn my records, and forget about me. but its not like that. not that i thought every aspectof being in a semi popularrock band was totally healthy, but im not knocking it either. but when i hear people bitching aboutbeing famous, i always wonder why they keep doing it. if you dont like doing interviewsanymore, then dont. its that easy.but anyway, im getting off track here. what happened to mecomes down to two things.1.immune system breakdown. i was getting sick every two months for a year, and finally inthe spring of 99 i got hepatitis and mono at the same time, which turned me intoa vomit tornado with yellow eyeballs for two months, and gave me chronic fatigue for the nexttwo years. which led to number two.2.spiritual breakdown. this little nervous breakdown, which lasted about two years, wasone of the best things that ever happened to me. it turned out great in the end, even thoughit was a living hell for a long time.in our society, we are supposed to feel ashamed of ourselves when we breakdown,were supposed to go to the shrink to "fix" the "problem",so that we can come out as smiling productive members of society.what a load of crap.we must live in the loneliest society on earth, one that has taken the spiritualaspect out of becoming a healthy person.in other cultures, spirituality, humanphycology, physical health and meditation are all one thing. you cant separate them intocompartments. i didnt know any of this a few years ago, and my breakdown forced meto begin to see through the horrible mental boxes that our society imposes on everyone.two years ago i was a mess, every belief i had was disintegrating, everythingi had based my life on seemed shaky. i was tired, confused, and i just didnt thinki could simply sing my way out of it this time. and i was right. the songs i did writewere confused, very dark and not anything i thought anyone needed to hear. they weremore for myself, to help me to work through my mental problems. so, doing shows seemedinappropriate, since anything i would sing would instantly end up on the net, foreveryone to hear. im not knocking people sharing my music on the internet, butat that point, it didnt seem right.so where am i at now? well, all my belongings are in storage, and i am leaving for spain in aweek. dont know whats going to happen. life is better that way. my attitude has always beento remain open to all possibilities. maybe i'll write a song, a story, a tape piece,learn meditation, capture a beautiful event on tape, make a friend, see something i'venever seen before. and if at some point, if it all adds up to be something worthreleasing to the world, i will do it gladly. i dont give a fuck if it"tops aeroplane" or not. thats just another mental prison. anyone waiting for an albumto top the last one should look somewhere else, because you'll inevitably be disappointed.when i wrote aeroplane, i spent 90 percent of my time screaming nonsenceinto my little tape recorder, or chopping up sounds with my sound blender, orjust making noise,and 10 percent of my time writing songs. it was very liberating,because i never thought about what i was doing, and a week before we went to record i didnteven think we had a half finished album. but i didnt care. i figured if we went the studio,and only recorded one finished song, then that would be fine. creating just one minute ofsomething inspiring is an incredibly fun thing to do. so next time you hear that neutral milkis recording, dont get your hopes up. it may only be one minute of music.and if i ever release my korena pang peices for you tohear, you'll soon find thatits just liberated dada to free the mind. if you want more neutral milk, dont buy it.you'll hate it. i for one love music that makes my brain freeze, like the shags, or art ensembleor maybe some chanting andbanging and confusion from bolivia that makes me forget myself for awhile.major organ was just a bunch of friends putting music together for fun. it was a projectthat changed hands at least a dozen times, and most of the time you didnt even know who was working on it,and you never knew where it would go.released mostly to inspire other dreamers and home recorders to do the same with there friends.we weren't trying to create a masterpiece. trying to do anything is the of death of creativity,and if we can encourage people to not try, but to just do, then we have accomplished our goal.the jittery joes show should be out in august or september. it was a show i did in 98 before goingto denver to record. i think the video footage makes it worthy of release, since lance bangsdid such a good job. we're putting it out to encourage people to stop paying alot of moneyfor second generation live shows. but again, dont get your hopes up. its really not a big deal.so thats it. thanks to everyone for listening to my music. now i need to forget myself again,so you may not hear from me for awhile. forgetting yourself is freedom, and i need to be free.happy travels. jeff