Estupidez emotiva
Autor: James Ribeiro | Publicado: 2013-06-10T07:17:00-07:00






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<![endif]-->De maneiras inesgotáveis, fontes desconhecidas me mostram
caminhos sinuosos para além da compreensão. Eu desisti de muitas coisas,
desisti até mesmo da vida que um dia pensei ser minha... Mas não era. Isso foi há
tanto tempo que, por mais que eu queira retornar – o que é pouco provável –,
não deixo de anestesiar a minha dor com a noite obscura que cai sobre mim. 
&nbsp;

Meu pior pesadelo é a realidade que martela na minha cabeça todos os dias, nos
mesmos horários, nos mesmos dias e nos mesmos espaços vagos que deixo entre uma
linha e outra. Porém, há uma fina camada de esperança se deteriorando ao longo
do tempo, e, tornou-se indispensável à forma como ela tenta se expandir, mesmo
que por poucos minutos... 
&nbsp;
Ás vezes, com breves pausas semanais, me perco em devaneios que um dia pensei
sumir. &nbsp;Não é de minha própria vontade,
mais sim a vontade própria do meu consciente. É como se eu não tivesse controle
absoluto sobre o que eu sinto, é como se as paredes fossem quebradas sempre que
a estrutura é abalada fatalmente. 
&nbsp;
Meus pensamentos perturbam minha cabeça com vozes do além, proliferando ódio,
rancor, magoas e tristeza profunda. A intensidade dessa minha estupidez
emotiva me deixa simplesmente fora de mim e dentro de tudo. Mas, talvez, esse
seja o único motivo pelo o qual eu me pergunto: até quando irei sobreviver a
tudo isso? 
 


A verdade é que já cansei disso tudo, da maneira como esse
barco me leva a lugar algum, da forma como ele se inclina para frente sem saber
se vai afundar de vez ou não. Meu tempo é curto, e como um último suspiro eu deixo;
qualquer parte boa e espontânea enterrada dentro do meu coração, em forma de
renuncia a posição em que a vida me colocou. Estou em tempo de guerra,
conflitos internos, incompreensões sobre a vida e falta de tempo para pensar
com clareza. &nbsp;
Mas, deixo claro que não há objetivo dessa vez para relações futuras. Tudo de
que preciso é silêncio no coração. De tempo para restaurar a alma. De bons
pensamentos para preencher os espaços vagos. De amor e uma boa causa. É. Eu
sei... O tempo não para.