Operação Suja-Prato, a Primeira
Autor: Paulo Avelino | Publicado: 2016-02-10T13:17:00-08:00


[Esta reportagem fará manchetes
em Nova Iorque, Japão e na minha saudosa Santa Rita do Jucurutuca e reparará
uma injustiça, em prova que eu realizei a primeira dessas portentosas operações
- a Operação Suja-Prato].







O Velho Detetive e
seus Estagiários

&nbsp; relaxados antes da operação,&nbsp;

sabendo que seria tranquila



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O Velho Detetive
    e seus Estagiários bem relaxados antes da operação, sabendo que seria
    tranquila

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<![endif]>
 
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<![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->Estava este Velho
Detetive em encontrozinho íntimo privê com
Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie e Irina do-Cristiano-Ronaldo quando a voz gasguenta e fanhentosa
da minha secretária Cacilda Regielena me acordou: eu estava sendo convocado a resolver
o caso de um roubo de um picolé de limão, já meio lambido.



Orgulhoso de que finalmente conferiam
um trabalho à minha altura, dirigi-me ao indigitado local. Como o menino vítima
do roubo negaceava o depoimento, prometi-lhe três figurinhas do Jaspion [que
ele não conhecia] no primeiro caso de delação premiada [também inaugurada por
este veterano Detetive].





A Corrupção está em todos os lugares.&nbsp;

Estagiários-detetives apuram&nbsp;

se há algum protozoário envolvido.



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A Busca pela Corrupção
    não cessa. Estagiários-detetives apuram se há algum protozoário envolvido.<span
    style='mso-no-proof:yes'>

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<![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->E descobri que não se
tratava de um picolé lambido. Mas de cinco. Na verdade, cinco mil. E sequer eram
picolés. O caso picoleiro se entranhava com uma complexa trama envolvendo
mísseis balisticos intercontinentais e a fórmula secreta para chicletes que não
derretem na boca e 7.539 pessoas, as quais interroguei todas, cada uma
indicando dezessete novos implicados.



Após uma manhã inteira envolvido
nesse exaustivo trabalho, passando os olhos na lista de 19.756.793 denunciados,
vi, no final da lista, o meu próprio nome.



Homem imparcial que sou,
convoquei-me para depoimento, prometendo, a mim mesmo, um encontro privê com Nicole Kidman, etc., como
recompensa. Coisa que não vai acontecer, pois sei que no final terei apenas a
pilha de pratos lá na quitinete para lavar – daí o nome da pioneira operação.







Artemidoro Balsemão estudou na Escola contra o Crime de Batman e
Robin – foi expulso pois se deixou enganar pela Mulher-Gato, que lhe prometeu
casamento e até hoje.