Sonhos de criança
Autor: Amanheceu um pensamento | Publicado: 2012-01-18T00:27:00-03:00

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&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Sempre quis ter, em minhas
mãos, a arte de dominar as palavras. Fazer delas mais que uma nova amizade, ou
habilidade. Como já desejei tornar o ato de brincar com as letras e signos linguísticos
algo intrínseco a minha personalidade, ou, então, subjugá-las a minha vil
vontade. Não sei muito bem o que queria.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Quanta ignorância...

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Se, ao menos, eu soubesse que os melhores momentos da
minha reles existência foram, simplesmente, sinestésicos: odores, toques,
audições, e, especialmente, olhares. Se eu fosse menos prolixo e mais prático,
talvez tivesse aproveitado melhor o que a vida gentilmente me oferecera e
retribuído com mais gratidão, ao invés de me questionar “porque não fora
melhor, desse ou daquele jeito”.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Ainda me encontro numa busca vaga, por algo que creio ter
perdido na transição entre a infância e a adolescência. Algo que ficou
embrenhado entre os bonecos de luta, as notas “dez” em matemática e as espinhas
e cravos desagradáveis – sempre acompanhados, diga-se logo, por inúmeros
folículos pilosos e uma leve rebeldia incontida. Uma peça perdida, que não se
encaixa, muito menos encontra o caminho para casa. Mas que casa? Casa-coração,
casa-memória, casa-coração-memória, ou... simplesmente, casa?

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Talvez essa peça esteja escondida num recôndito dentro de
mim, cujo acesso não me é permitido. Talvez...

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Então, de quê importa encontrar essa merda?! A vida passa,
leva-me junto – como uma furiosa tempestade de areia – e, cá, estou eu,
leviano, inutilmente à procura daquilo que já passou. A língua do povo já
dizia: “Perdeu, playboy!”. Por que, cargas d’água, não me contento, tergiverso
essa vontade indômita e sigo em frente?

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Hoje, minha busca – quase patológica, mas necessária – é
por perspectivas. Olho para frente, vejo o mundo, mas não me encontro nele.
Serei invisível, ou apenas mais uma agulha no palheiro? 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Alguém frígido, sem amor, mas com sonhos infantis – ou
quem sabe infanto-juvenis: ser conhecido e reconhecido, descobrir o mundo,
estudar e aprender. Sonhos bobos de um jovem arrogante, aspirante a cientista.
Sonhos narcísicos e vulgares. Mas, sonhos...

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Daqui a alguns anos, estarei com um jaleco, um
estetoscópio – e, talvez, até um bisturi – em mãos e só. Isolado na minha
redoma, quase intangível, de conhecimentos que aspiro a ter, mas continuarei a
vislumbrar sonhos. Quiçá, possa até amar. Amor. Palavra quase asquerosa, se não
fossem seus efeitos adversos! 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; E meus sonhos? Continuarão infantis? 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; “Talvez”. A dúvida é a única perspectiva real que posso
ter agora.







(Thiago Neves)&nbsp;







Thiago Neves é nosso convidade especial.