JONATHAN SWIFT
Autor: Claudio Martins | Publicado: 2012-03-01T10:47:00-04:00



Jonathan Swift



A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor
people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for
making them beneficial to the publick

1729 



It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through
this great town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads
and cabbin–doors crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three,
four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning every passenger for an
alms. These mothers instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood,
are forced to employ all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their
helpless infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for want of work, or
leave their dear native country, to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell
themselves to the Barbadoes.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this
prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of
their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable
state of the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever
could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound and
useful members of the common–wealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as
to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

But my intention is very far from being confined to
provide only for the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater
extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are
born of parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demand
our charity in the streets.

As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many
years, upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of
our projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation.
It is true, a child just dropt from its dam, may be supported by her milk, for
a solar year, with little other nourishment: at most not above the value of two
shillings, which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her
lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose
to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their
parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their
lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to
the cloathing of many thousands.

There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme,
that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of
women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us,
sacrificing the poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expence than
the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman
breast.

The
number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half,
of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives
are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couple, who are able
to maintain their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot be so many,
under the present distresses of the kingdom) but this being granted, there will
remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty
thousand, for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or
disease within the year. There only remain an hundred and twenty thousand
children of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, How this
number shall be reared, and provided for? which, as I have already said, under
the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods
hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture;
we neither build houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can
very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive at six years old;
except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess they learn the
rudiments much earlier; during which time they can however be properly looked
upon only as probationers: As I have been informed by a principal gentleman in
the county of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew above one or two
instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for
the quickest proficiency in that art.

I
am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve years old, is
no saleable commodity, and even when they come to this age, they will not yield
above three pounds, or three pounds and half a crown at most, on the exchange;
which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of
nutriments and rags having been at least four times that value.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts,
which I hope will not be liable to the least objection. I have been assured by
a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy
child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome
food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it
will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust.

I do therefore humbly offer it to publick
consideration, that of the hundred and twenty thousand children, already
computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth
part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle, or swine,
and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a
circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore, one male will be
sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a
year old, be offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune, through the
kingdom, always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last
month, so as to render them plump, and fat for a good table. A child will make
two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone,
the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a
little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially
in winter.

I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born
will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, encreaseth to
28 pounds. I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper
for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to
have the best title to the children.

Infant’s flesh will be in season throughout the year,
but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by
a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolifick dyet,
there are more children born in Roman Catholick countries about nine months
after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of
Popish infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom, and therefore it will
have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of Papists among
us.

I have already computed the charge of nursing a
beggar’s child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, labourers, and
four–fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included;
and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass
of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent
nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or his own family to
dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow
popular among his tenants, the mother will have eight shillings neat profit,
and be fit for work till she produces another child.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times
require) may flea the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will
make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

As
to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose, in the most
convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting;
although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot
from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.

A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and
whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased, in discoursing on this
matter, to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that many gentlemen of
this kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want
of venison might be well supply’d by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not
exceeding fourteen years of age, nor under twelve; so great a number of both
sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work and service:
And these to be disposed of by their parents if alive, or otherwise by their
nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend, and so
deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the
males, my American acquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that their
flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our school–boys, by continual
exercise, and their taste disagreeable, and to fatten them would not answer the
charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission, be a
loss to the publick, because they soon would become breeders themselves: And
besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to
censure such a practice, (although indeed very unjustly) as a little bordering
upon cruelty, which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest
objection against any project, how well soever intended.

But in order to justify my friend, he confessed, that
this expedient was put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor, a native of the
island Formosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty years ago, and in
conversation told my friend, that in his country, when any young person
happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of
quality, as a prime dainty; and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl of
fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the Emperor, was sold to his
imperial majesty’s prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the
court in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I
deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this town,
who without one single groat to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad without a
chair, and appear at a play–house and assemblies in foreign fineries which they
never will pay for; the kingdom would not be the worse.

Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great
concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or
maimed; and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken,
to ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance. But I am not in the least
pain upon that matter, because it is very well known, that they are every day
dying, and rotting, by cold and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast as can
be reasonably expected. And as to the young labourers, they are now in almost
as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and consequently pine away from
want of nourishment, to a degree, that if at any time they are accidentally
hired to common labour, they have not strength to perform it, and thus the
country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.

I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return
to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are
obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance. For first, as I have
already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of Papists, with whom we
are yearly over–run, being the principal breeders of the nation, as well as our
most dangerous enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design to
deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the
absence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their
country, than stay at home and pay tithes against their conscience to an
episcopal curate.

Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something
valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to a distress, and help
to pay their landlord’s rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and
money a thing unknown.

Thirdly, Whereas the maintainance of an hundred
thousand children, from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less
than ten shillings a piece per annum, the nation’s stock will be thereby
encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum, besides the profit of a new dish,
introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom, who have
any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among our selves, the
goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.

Fourthly, The constant breeders, besides the gain of
eight shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid
of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.

Fifthly,
This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns, where the vintners will
certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to
perfection; and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine
gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating; and
a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make
it as expensive as they please.

Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage,
which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws
and penalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness of mothers towards
their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes,
provided in some sort by the publick, to their annual profit instead of
expence. We should soon see an honest emulation among the married women, which
of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond
of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy, as they are now of their
mares in foal, their cows in calf, or sow when they are ready to farrow; nor
offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a
miscarriage.

Many other advantages might be enumerated. For
instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of
barrel’d beef: the propagation of swine’s flesh, and improvement in the art of
making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs,
too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or
magnificence to a well grown, fat yearly child, which roasted whole will make a
considerable figure at a Lord Mayor’s feast, or any other publick
entertainment. But this, and many others, I omit, being studious of brevity.

Supposing that one
thousand families in this city, would be constant customers for infants flesh,
besides others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings
and christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off annually about twenty
thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be
sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.

I can think of no one objection,
that will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged,
that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I
freely own, and ‘twas indeed one principal design in offering it to the world.
I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one
individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think,
ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of
taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither cloaths, nor
houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of
utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of
curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women:
Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to
love our country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants
of Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer
like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was
taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for
nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards
their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into
our shop–keepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our
native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price,
the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair
proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it.

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and
the like expedients, ‘till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there
will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice. But, as
to my self, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle,
visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately
fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid
and real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby
we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will
not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a
long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, which would
be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.

After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own
opinion, as to reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found
equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind
shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I
desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points.
First, As things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for
a hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, There being a round
million of creatures in humane figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole
subsistence put into a common stock, would leave them in debt two million of
pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession, to the bulk of
farmers, cottagers and labourers, with their wives and children, who are
beggars in effect; I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may
perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents
of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness
to have been sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and
thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they have since
gone through, by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent
without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor
cloaths to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most
inevitable prospect of intailing the like, or greater miseries, upon their
breed for ever.

I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have
not the least personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work,
having no other motive than the publick good of my country, by advancing our
trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to
the rich. I have no children, by which I can propose to get a single penny; the
youngest being nine years old, and my wife past child–bearing.

THE
END