Me and the old man at wonderland.
Autor: Loonie | Publicado: 2011-11-19T09:50:00-08:00







Caught the plane feeling very  upset already, I knew that I would have to be hours without smoke. Habit as old as the anger itself, I was dealing well till that moment.
“Have a nice trip”, was everything that I needed to wake up  that sensation. -“Fuck You”, were  the precise words on my  mind at that moment but I, using of all my courtesy, said “thank  you” instead.  At least I kept the “you”, said I, to myself.Trying to  relax had been, also, a free fall on frustration, once I heard that  creepy voice:&nbsp;-Don't you think that you're too young to be stressed out like  that, young boy?  Looking around, I was overtaken by the astonish sensation of  madness. Were I hearing voices again? I thought it was past and that  it was left behind with all those newborns but, then...  I felt that  terrible smell of  rotten flesh. As if  someone had open the ancient  sarcophagus of …-Show some respect young boy, I could be your grandfather!                   That voice, a new one, there had been unveiled as an old man getting out of my backpack, with no shame to disrupt the already troubled mind of mine. Obviously, I was resolute in deny any kind of effort that my lack of sex, or any other addiction, could be doing to destroy my consciousness or credibility.
I had to admit that his Portuguese, as I wasn't supposed to know, was extraordinary for a German who came straight from last century.
Heidegger was seated besides me, smoking his old pipe and blowing that primitive smoke right on my face, grinning for his secure invisibility.  






- I would like to be alone, if your graceful self don't mind.
-So why did you bring the book, moreover, talking about  self... there is where lies all your problems and doubts, also in  your youth, of course.
-Are you trying to convince me that you have some Ubermensch  powers? That you really remember what youth means? You are a very  brave product of my addicted imagination, most definitely.
-As much as you are trying to deny the truth. In fact,  Schopenhauer agrees with me, he is smiling to me, right behind you.


That was a huge lie, he was in fact there, however, not smiling but, not giving himself the trouble of close the window which brought the hurtful sunlight but, fading it with his beholding, instead.  
I was getting really upset with that whole outrageous situation when, looking over his shoulder, Schopenhauer made the solicitous stewardess cry. That, suddenly, made me interested on the first elder's speech. After take notes of the “nutzlos hündin ” that he said, I've turned my attention to Heidegger again.


-So, tell me grandfather, what do you mean?


-The source of your suffer lies on the incomprehension of self  and time. This border and the, nonexistent, differentiation that you  built between them, are the, ironically saying, reason of all your  pain.&nbsp;Schopenhauer (he, who does not even blink) would agree with  me, that what we are, is comprehended in the time on what we are  contained, with no after or before. It makes our existence a whole  among time and being. We are free in the world, without that our  will have had any participation on that, however, we are in a  endless pursuit to become what we wish to be. Life is a projection  of the world, with the world and to the world.
-The thing itself  here, young boy, is your inauthentic existence.


Schopenhauer moves his icebergs, I mean, eyes, right inside my soul. Now, even the lights on the airplane turns in a shy penumbra and I start to fear the security of the flight itself...


-The detour of your essential project, what is become  yourself, in detriment of daily worries in a matter of becoming  socially accepted, is an issue to be solved. Your self is  being sacrificed by the oppressive needs of the collective. For  what? For who would you live, but for yourself, the primal and  necessary one which you must attend and satisfy? Daily life made you  lazy and tired of yourself, cowering you in front of social  pressure, ending up preferring to vegetate as an exiled of your  own...


Arriving in Brazilia, the capital of my beloved country, I just  ignore the crying faces around me until I drive myself to the next  cafeteria carrying both philosophers on my backpack. A safe way to  keep them entertaining each other, even though, just hearing  Heidegger's voice. Soon as I've found a place as private as  permitted by the huge amount of my addicted fellas,  with whom I had  to share the smoking area,  I got back to the topic with, this time,  the honor of the speech.


-I don't just understand but, agree, that the self is  one within the time of it's own existence. The subtraction of it  self instead of the collective is , thought, a misconception  of yours.It is pure foolish to think that we can be, by  ourselves, independently of our equals. Do you think that mankind  could evolve enough to provide you your titles and degrees without  cooperation? Do you think that  high level cooperation exists  without sacrifice?


-I think that the improvement of the self is, or should be,  the cornerstone of the human thought. It excludes self  sacrifice by a collective well being.


-I understand, you think that we should all follow your  magnificent example and withdraw to the forests, looking for a inner  truth, ignoring the aspirations of our families like you did. At  last, our responsibilities are primarily with the center of our  universes, ourselves.


-Yes because if I sacrifice myself for them, I have less of me  to offer.  - He said


-How does a father becomes a good one if not by building  himself for other person? How does he do that without taking out  some of his own lifetime just to give it to another? How are we  supposed to achieve our inner truths, by denying our own nature,  which is to procreate and perpetuate our species instead of living  for ourselves?


Taken by the fear of having his pages burned, Heidegger leave me  alone advising me to keep reading and, maybe, if I get through the  fourth page, I can change my mind about our conversations... Even  considering it a absurd, I magnanimously consider the hypothesis of  keep reading his book.&nbsp;
I take my seat in the second plane, glad  receiving kind words of Schopenhauer saying


-I like your style, kid.