Eu, você e a solidão
Autor: Leandro Soares Oliveira | Publicado: 2015-01-28T10:53:00-08:00

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E então podemos dizer que 2015, decretada(mente),
começou. Como ele se iniciou pra você? Pra mim, sem querer categorizar ou
estereotipar, começou da melhor forma que um ano poderia começar: me fazendo
refletir. Refletir sobre os atos, os comportamentos, as experiências passadas e
as que virão, sobre as perdas (que são inevitáveis), os erros (alguns que não
podem ser revertidos, outros que podem ser consertados) e os acertos também, os
quais tenho muito orgulho de ter alcançado. Acho que nunca me senti tão sozinho
depois de um dia 31. Quero deixar isso registrado porque tenho certeza que,
logo, vou ter esse sentimento de novo, de novo, e de novo mas ele vai parecer
único, como se fosse a primeira vez. Porque a vida é bem assim, né? Cheia de
encontros e despedidas - com o próximo, com o não-tão-próximo assim, consigo
mesmo... E é isso que dois mil e quinze me trouxe já, de cara: a solidão e, com
ela, a possibilidade de pensar sobre qual é a justificativa e utilidade desse
sentimento que mais parece uma página borrada e rasgada num livro que a gente
tenta, desde o nascimento, escrever com tanto zelo e carinho mas que não pode ser retirada porque tem um número no rodapé, consta no
sumário e pode (e vai) deixar a obra incompleta. Se pudesse dar um nome a esse
capítulo que não posso arrancar da minha história, talvez ele se chamaria “solidão”.
Ou nem teria nome, seriam apenas páginas em branco, sem letras, sem escrita, sem
palavras bonitas. Talvez porque eu não escute a minha própria voz na narrativa, talvez
porque eu simplesmente me recuse a escrever nessa parte da história. Me perdi
no roteiro que eu mesmo escrevi. Sei que ele faz parte da obra, mas não sinto
que ele seja, de fato, meu. A solidão tem um pouco disso, né? De sempre andar
de mãos dadas a nós, ter certa utilidade, muitas vezes ser até boa para a ocasião mas, mesmo assim, ser recusada, evitada, não quista, não receber resposta, não
parecer nossa, não pertencer a lugar algum. Como será que ela se sente? Acho que sei como
ela se sente.