Um sentimento filho da puta
Autor: Aflaudisio Dantas | Publicado: 2015-07-02T23:38:00-03:00

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Não lhe parecia
razoável que essas coisas se fizessem presentes depois de tanto tempo. No
entanto, ali estavam, sorridentes como hienas diante da carniça. Sensações
relegadas a algum canto escuro da memória, como móveis soterrados no porão, de
repente enfeitavam novamente a sala de estar.&nbsp;



E agora? De
que adiantou aposentar os discos de Belchior? Vender os lps do Fagner,
sobretudo aqueles que cantavam seu desesperado amor e sua ânsia pelo beijo dela?
De nada serviu deixar de ouvir o lamento triste de Noturno para se deleitar no
escracho de Puteiro em João Pessoa.&nbsp;



Um casamento,
um divórcio, dois namoros fugazes e dezenas de mulheres esporádicas de nada
serviram, a não ser para adiar o inevitável: o sentimento abortado como um bebê
largado na sarjeta batendo novamente à porta. “Será que alguma vez ela sentiu
isso?”



“Provavelmente
não”, respondeu a si mesmo para não alimentar ilusões. Preferiu ocupar sua
mente conjecturando como a idade, denunciada pelos seus cabelos brancos que se
misturavam à cabeleira loira, fora capaz de lhe trazer de tudo: doenças, um
pouco de charme, uma aposentadoria. Mas não lhe trouxe o essencial: vergonha na
cara.



Estava mesmo
contrariado por se ver novamente às turras com um incômodo que julgava superado
com o passar dos anos. Certamente alguém lhe mentiu ao afirmar que o tempo cura
tudo. Ele não cura nada. E alguns
amores são mais teimosos que doenças implacáveis. Adormecem, ficam em fogo morto,
apenas para dar um golpe seco quando o sujeito menos esperar.&nbsp;



E o ataque
traiçoeiro pode ser em qualquer lugar. Em frente a um jardim, pois isso faz
lembrar do apelido que inventou só para ela. Ou mesmo na mesa de um bar vagabundo
onde o dono do estabelecimento, como numa conspiração, botou para tocar aquela
canção que agora lhe tortura enquanto engole o último gole de cerveja, já
quente e salobro. “Quando a gente tenta, de toda maneira, dele se guardar.
Sentimento ilhado, morto, amordaçado. volta a incomodar”.