Para a vida que não sei viver
Autor: Bruno Santos Pereira | Publicado: 2013-03-10T15:15:00-03:00



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Lá
fora, um dia com céu tão azul, que olhando para o horizonte parece se misturar
com o azul do mar. Mas aqui, nada. Peguei uma xícara de café, acendi meu
cigarro e fiquei parado naquela poltrona de couro velha no canto mais escuro da
sala, perto da estante de livros, dos discos, da vitrola, e tão longe da vida. Pela
janela, do outro lado da rua, bem fora de mim, era possível avistar alguma
movimentação agitada dos domingos. Todas aquelas pessoas sendo felizes,
procurando um lugar ao sol para alimentar o envelhecimento precoce, carros
tentando estacionar, ambulantes por toda parte procurando ganhar aquilo que
nossos administradores públicos facilmente roubam. E eu só tentando entender a
minha existência:

Trinta
e alguns anos, nenhuma resposta, várias perguntas, uma vida inteirinha vivendo
para dentro, tentei amar, não me amaram, tentei ser de todos, só não era meu,
tentei descer e ir à praia, mas odeio areia, tentei parar de fumar, mas era a
única coisa que podia ter nas mãos, tentei fazer análise, mas não tenho
paciência para escutar alguém falando coisas que eu já sei, tentei não ser sozinho,
mas o vizinho nunca estava em casa, tentei andar por lugares desconhecidos, mas
nenhum deles me fascinava sem sua presença, tentei me amar mais, mas eu tinha
dado tudo para você:

&nbsp;Você me suga até a última energia vital e
depois vai embora. Eu me reconstituo, fico forte, você volta, eu aceito, você
me suga, eu me enfraqueço, você vai embora... Estou morrendo aos poucos e você
não nota:

&nbsp;Eu estava profundamente infeliz dentro da
minha felicidade:

.

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