A pior das brisas
Autor: Anamyself | Publicado: 2010-12-10T11:08:00-08:00

GENTE.PARA TUDO.ALGUÉM ME DECIFROU.Uma das coisas mais fodas que já li na vida, e nem sei da onde surgiu, ou quem escreveu. Estava abandonado no rascunho do meu e-mail há meses.Vontade de imprimir e dar para a minha psicologa. Sou eu. Tirando alguns excessos, sou eu.Eu sou paranóica e e EXATAMENTE essa a maior das minhas bads, principalmente os trechos em negrito. É isso que se passa pela minha cabeça sempre que estou no meio da multidão.I know youYou were too shortYou had bad skinYou couldn't talk to them very wellWords didn't seem to workThey lied when they came out of your mouthYou tried so hard to understand themYou wanted to be part of what was happeningYou saw them having funAnd it seemed like such a mysteryAlmost magicMade you think that there was something wrong with youYou'd look in the mirror and try to find it You thought that you were uglyAnd that everyone was looking at youSo you learned to be invisibleTo look downTo avoid conversationThe hours, days, weekendsAh, the weekend nights aloneWhere were you?In the basement?In the attic?In your room?Working some job - just to have something to do.Just to have a place to put yourselfJust to have a way to get away from themA chance to get away from the ones that made you feelso strange and ill at ease inside yourselfDid you ever get invited to one of their parties?You sat and wondered if you would go or notFor hours you imagined the scenarios that might transpireThey would laugh at youIf you would know what to doIf you'd have the right things onIf they would notice that you came from a different planetDid you get all brave in your thoughts?Like you were going to be able to go in there and deal with it and have a great time.Did you think that you might be the life of the party?That all these people were gonna talk to you and youwould find out that you were wrong?That you had a lot of friends and you weren't so strange after all?Did you end up going?Did they mess with you?Did they single you out?Did you find out that you were invited because theythought you were so weird?Yeah, I think I know you You spent a lot of time full of hateA hate that was pure sunshineA hate that saw for milesA hate that kept you up at nightA hate that filled your every waking momentA hate that carried you for a long timeYes, I think I know youYou couldn't figure out what they saw in the way they livedHome was not homeYour room was homeA corner was homeThe place they weren't, that was homeI know youYou're sensitive and you hide it because you feargetting stepped on one more timeIt seems that when you show a part of yourself that isthe least bit vulnerable someone takes advantage of youOne of them steps on youThey mistake kindliness for weaknessBut you know the differenceYou've been the brunt of their weakness for yearsAnd strength is something you know a bit about becauseyou had to be strong to keep yourself aliveYou know yourself very well nowAnd you don't trust peopleYou know them too wellYou try to find that special personSomeone you can be withSomeone you can touchSomeone you can talk to Someone you don't feel so strange aroundAnd you find that they don't really existYou feel closer to people on movie screensYeah, I think I know youYou spend a lot of time daydreamingAnd people have made comment to that effect Telling you that you're self involved, and self centeredBut they don't know, do they?About the long night shifts aloneAbout the years of keeping yourself companyAll the nights you wrapped your arms around yourselfso you could imagine someone holding youThe hours of indecision, self doubtThe intense depressionThe blinding hateThe rage that made you staggerThe devastation of rejectionWell, maybe they do knowBut if they do, they sure do a good job of hiding itIt astounds you how they can be so smoothHow they seem to pass through life as if life itselfwas some divine giftAnd it infuriates you to watch yourself with yourapparent skill at finding every way possible to screw it upFor you life is a long tripTerrifying and wonderfulBirds sing to you at nightThe rain and the sun the changing seasons are true friendsSolitude is a hard won ally, faithful and patientYeah, I think I know you[Henry Rollins]