How do you do?
Autor: Fleur Angélique Des Champs D'Arcadie | Publicado: 2015-11-06T16:39:00-02:00

What a formidable Friday!

I got back to my grandparents 2 days ago, after a day under observation at the local E.R. - lung infection, and now everybody thinks I have anaemia. It had been raining for quite some time - from last Friday up to yesterday -, and that kind of made my convalescence slightly harder.

Today, though, the sun is back, and so is the heat. A perfect day for some gardening, planting a few flowers and removing the many weeds that took over grandma's front yard; I've been wanting to hire a gardener for her, but money... I'm sick of it - spending, saving... I most humbly want it to fuck off, so... Why not? I've been told I have a green thumb, maybe a "power" granted by my name. &nbsp;Besides, I need to work on something I enjoy, before I go crazy.

I've been thinking a lot about what I read a few days ago; some of the bruises are still very fresh, still bleeding under touch. Some I believe I deserved, so I'm licking those without any complaints - I asked for them. I'm strong enough to handle the pain.

The lesson I've learned from them was, first and foremost... That holding back feelings can be a dangerous strategy. It might seem practical at the time - "why would I bring this on right now, what if it becomes an argument?!" -, but if we deal with small things in their exact proportion, as they are still "fresh", chances are that the answer or reaction to them will be just as insignificant, which might make them much easier to be either ignored or even forgotten.

Feelings that are held back are trash that is never disposed; a cake forgotten in the oven, until it overcooks and ends up exploding... Or worse, a clock bomb.

I guess both of us had cakes we had forgotten in the oven, because... Us. lol
(humorous break)

We're not free from the bruises caused by such explosions, because really, nobody is - we might be special snowflakes, but we still are snowflakes, and sunlight will make us melt just the same.

Still, if we put our cakes in the oven at the same time and together remind each other of them every 5 minutes - or days, weeks -, our cakes will never burn, never explode, and chances are that the bruises we will keep will be due our own clumsiness (or only mine lol). Aaaand, in the end, we'll have 2 delicious cakes on the table - win-win!

(I love my metaphors! ❤)

We snap at each other sometimes, and maybe that aggressiveness is nothing but the materialisation of our feelings. Of how much we actually miss each other, so much that we get angry at our empty beds. At our own bodies, longing for each other's warmth... At life, and fate, that knew we were two halves of a whole, still, ended up putting two continents between us. And a time that seems much longer than it actually is.

I didn't mean to hurt you so badly, and I know you never had the intention of making me cry so hard as I did that day. Distance sucks, and nobody knows that better than we do. Still... Feelings and emotions are like wild horses in a storm - hard to control, and even harder to understand.

I'm so sorry, honey.
For both of us, and for everything we're having to go through.

I can't control time, and sometimes not even my feelings... But if my heart is a wild horse racing in a hailstorm, it's because you are on the other side. You are the final destination. 

Anxiety, distance and longing might make our road sinuous, and our moods ill... But love is and always will be LOVE - the feeling that has never allowed me to give up; the one that kept and still keeps me up through the night, even when my body is begging for rest; the sensation that warms up my chest, whenever I see your face or hear you voice; the thing that makes my blood boil, whenever I hear about your misfortunes and disappoitments... I am, too, very protective of you. I love you! ❤

My day has gone smoothly, with the front yard almost free from the weeds, my mind full of ideas for paintings (especially those of the pictures of the hunting grounds)...

I wonder how yours has been.