Basto Gabriel e suas repostas instantâneas
Autor: Areial Virtual | Publicado: 2011-03-01T15:40:00-08:00

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Para aqueles que não conheceram meu pai, Basto Gabriel, é uma pena. &nbsp;Ele era um cara muito engraçado. Contava piadas, era metido a repentista e não tinha papa na língua: respondia na bucha a qualquer pilhéria que ouvisse e era pródigo em dizer as suas com qualquer um.  
  Já para os que conheceram papai, &nbsp;sabem muito bem &nbsp;como ele era. Passava horas disputando respostas rimadas. Só perdia a estribeira quando alguém usava palavrões para falar de nossa família. Poucas vezes perdeu na disputa rimada para os rivais. O camarada dizia uma coisa e ele, em cima da fala do sujeito, &nbsp;respondia.  
  Também não era de levar desaforo para casa. Tinha resposta na ponta da língua para qualquer aborrecimento ou pergunta indecorosa. Quando ficava irritado disparava a metralhadora giratória: mais de cem palavrões por minuto. Até desconfiávamos que ele tivesse ajudado a escrever um dicionário de palavrões.  
  Porém, sempre tem um porém... &nbsp;&nbsp;dizem que remédio de um doido é outro em cima...   
  Então, papai havia recém começado a namorar minha mãe, em 1970, ano em que ainda era comum ir à Festa de Padroeiro de terno. Ele mandou fazer um verde lodo. Deu o azar de ser a cor das roupas que Irmã Canísia trazia da Holanda para distribuir com a população carente, que chamava as doações de “Papa” (até hoje não há um explicação coerente para o nome).  
  Eis que vão meu pai e minha mãe descendo da casa de meu avô, vizinho a Nino João, de braços dados. Ele todo elegante em seu terno muito alinhado e a namorada, costureira modista muito elegante, iam para a missa.   
  No meio do caminho encontram Rita do Ó, casada com o pai de Inácio Isidoro. Ela fez um comentário infeliz. Olhou para o meu pai com seu terno verde &nbsp;e pergunta:  
  -- Ô, Basto, esse teu uniforme foi da “papa”? Deveria ter ficado calada.   
  Meu pai olhou-a nos olhos, ainda com o braço enlaçado no de minha mãe e respondeu como se fosse a coisa mais comum do mundo:  
  -- Ou da papa ou do angu, não serve para olho do seu..., disse com todas as letras a frase completa e ainda acrescentou outros palavrões.   
  Minha mãe morreu de vergonha. A Rita, coube apenas fechar a boca e a janela. Fechou-se como um raio. &nbsp;Não disse mais nada naquela noite. Acho que nem para a missa ou festa foi. Coitada! Não espera tamanha resposta. Deve ter imaginado que o atenuante era a companhia da namorada elegante. Papai passou por cima de tudo devolveu-lhe a pilhéria sem a menor cerimônia.  
Zélio Sales