O direito ao grito. *
Autor: Vanessa | Publicado: 2012-05-26T16:20:00-07:00

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&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A palavra falada sempre foi um
problema para mim. Por falar demais ou de menos. &nbsp;Ou, simplesmente, por falar na medida certa, mas
para as pessoas erradas. 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Fui criada num regime
paternalista e meio militar (isso não exclui, claro, o amor e carinho que
recebíamos todos os dias) e em meio a três irmãos, sim, três “machinhos”. Dessa
forma, muitas vezes tive que calar a boca por força maior. &nbsp;Física.&nbsp;&nbsp;


&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
Em casa não se podia falar à mesa durante as refeições. Meu pai entendia
como inapropriado para o momento. Isso para mim era um crime, já que sempre
compreendi esses momentos como reuniões, motivo de confraternização e partilha –
não só do alimento para o corpo, mas daquele que alimenta a alma. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Fora o tal regime, tive que
conviver com outra problematização da minha fala: a própria voz. Normalmente
alta e estridente, sempre que ouvida era considerada um atentado aos ouvintes. Não
sei se era a imagem que eu mesma fazia ou se os outros a faziam de mim. Mas... “taquara
rachada” era como os meus irmãos a denominavam.&nbsp;
Esse preconceito durou muuuuito tempo. E até hoje, quando ouço algo do
tipo “Nossa, te reconheci pela voz.” Ou “A mesma carinha e voz de menina.”,
sinto um calafrio e um soco no estômago como se voltasse no tempo. 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Mas, enfim, não escrevo este
texto para reviver ou resgatar esses possíveis traumas do meu passado, tampouco
para simplificar a minha relação com a fala colocando-me como vítima na
história. Escrevo, principalmente, para dizer que, se algum dia tentaram me
calar, lamento, mas foi em vão. 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; O fato de não poder falar
tanto e quanto gostaria, impulsionou-me a desenvolver ainda mais o meu
discurso. Passei a prestar muito mais atenção no que as pessoas diziam e a
analisar os seus discursos. E aprendi a me expressar com mais habilidade ainda,
inclusive calada. Logo, o feitiço, sim, virou contra os feiticeiros. O silêncio
forçado plantou em mim o desejo de cada vez mais usar do meu direito e dever de
F-A-L-A-R, simplesmente. 

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Talvez aí esteja o principal motivo
para eu ter enveredado para as letras; ter me tornado leitora, mesmo sem ter
tido estímulos para isso; e amante de todas as expressões artísticas. Talvez o
meu forçado silêncio tenha me proporcionado ser, além de falante, acima de
tudo, uma boa e atenciosa ouvinte. 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Assim, sou eternamente grata
àqueles que algum dia tentaram fechar as portas do discurso para mim. Pois eu, ora
por curiosidade, ora por ousadia, soube abrir as janelas e através delas dei (e
dou) vazão a todos os meus pensamentos e sentimentos mais profundos. À minha
maneira e com o meu jeito de ser. Não abrirei mão dessa minha liberdade. Nunca.
O que pulsa por trás da minha aparente delicadeza e fragilidade é muito mais
forte do que se imagina. E tenho dito.* Um dos treze títulos da obra de Clarice Lispector, A hora da estrela.