Folha em branco... é a décima.
Autor: lori | Publicado: 2012-11-04T10:13:00-08:00

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Preciso
me libertar e só consigo isso ao escrever, no entanto, não sei o que dizer a
mim mesma para explicar o que tem acontecido nos últimos dias e, talvez, me
consolar. Um misto de certezas e incertezas que se contradizem e me torturam. Não
sei quem eu sou, a mulher forte que havia me tornado foi embora, restou uma
menina de 17 anos assombrada pelos mesmos fantasmas de antigamente. Uma frágil aposta
do destino que nunca se resolveu e nunca se resolverá. A mesma ansiedade me
corroendo, fazendo com que me sinta feia e sem alternativas, nesse momento
ignoro a fila de pretendentes que chama ao telefone. Só um homem magro com
olheiras me entenderia agora, mas ele é cercado de mistérios e eu sinto enjoo com
seus mistérios e silêncio. Quero bater a porta na sua cara, mas já arranquei as
portas faz um tempo. Quero gritar ao mundo que estou com saudade e necessito,
mas tenho medo de lhe apresentar a fraqueza, de assumir o medo e,
principalmente, tenho receio de, mais uma vez, deixar de dar as cartas, se é
que ainda tenho cartas na mão ou na manga. Não tenho nada. Sou mulher nua sem
máscaras. Sou a virgem tímida de antes, se não sou, estou como se fosse. Sinto frio
e vazio, sinto saudade e vontade. Sinto tristeza. Tão triste estou que
abandonei o sorriso e o resto da casa, prefiro meu quarto e os meus arquivos
antigos de musicas, prefiro antes que agora. Preferiria, em sã consciência, o
futuro e suas infinitas possibilidades, mas, insisto em olhar com carinho para
o que nunca chegou de fato a acontecer.