Uma mesa
Autor: André Laurentino | Publicado: 2013-01-14T11:11:00-02:00

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<!--StartFragment-->









Publicado no guia Divirta-se em O Estado de S Paulo em janeiro de 2013



Existe uma mesa
de jantar em Olinda que flutua sobre Serraria, na Paraíba. Ante o tilintar de
talheres, travessas de carne e macarrão, a mesa entra por um ouvido e sai no
outro Estado.



As histórias de
Serraria são as mesmas há anos, mas as risadas não. Havia o louco da cidade,
Tic-Tac. Achava que era um relógio. Pendulava com paciência pelas ruas e respondia um horário
desatinado a quem lhe perguntasse as horas. Um gaiato certa vez quis contrariar
e o corrigiu, dizendo a hora certa. Tic-Tac se afobou: “Valha-me Deus, que estou é
atrasado!”, e apressou o passo quase correndo.



Na escola, o
diretor decidiu impressionar o inspetor da capital. Ensaiou com a turma
leituras de antigos textos e poemas. Fez ler, reler, recitar, decorar. O
inspetor finalmente chegou de João Pessoa e nem pôde descansar no hotel, foi levado às pressas para a sala
de aula. Um aluno levantou-se e leu em voz alta: “Xoronicas de Dom Jão Ví”,
disse ao ler o título das Chrônicas de Dom João sexto.



A segunda
guerra baixava em Serraria pelo único rádio, guardado na prefeitura. Uma noite,
quando a tensão estremecia a Alemanha, uma tempestade tropical desabou e
trancou todos em casa. Ninguém foi à prefeitura apanhar as últimas. No dia
seguinte, a cidade se reuniu em torno do vigia Zé Miné para ouvir o relato. Ele
fez clima: “Ah, ontem a coisa pegou fogo”. Conta, Zé Miné! “Ontem mas foi que
foi danado.” Conta! “Olha, parece que três generais não sei de onde foram não
sei pra onde fazer não sei o quê. Haja coração”.



Enquanto isso,
o prefeito ditava à secretária uma carta para o ilustríssimo senhor prefeito do
município de Sousa. A secretária interrompe: “Sousa é com Z ou com S?” “Minha
filha, você é parada, não é?”, irritou-se o prefeito. “Só pode ser com S! Se
fosse com Z era Zousa”. 



Vivia também
por lá o marido de D. Eudócia. Enorme senhora, que trincava penicos de louça
com seu peso. Eudócia-quebra-bacio; era seu apelido. O marido foi comprar outro
na cidade vizinha, por discrição. O vendedor trouxe um dizendo ser o mais forte
e resistente. O marido examinou a peça sem o menor ânimo: “Isso aqui? Eudócia
lasca num peido”.



A mesa
aterrissa em Olinda outra vez. Serraria volta para a prateleira, onde acumula
anarquia até o ano que vem.
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