Eu não sei por onde começar
Autor: Paula | Publicado: 2015-05-11T23:36:00-03:00

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Ao chegar no consultório de psicologia, a psicóloga me convidou
para me sentar à sua frente. Me sentei de um jeito tímido, olhando para os
lados, tentando não ficar nervosa e sem que eu percebesse, eu já estava
devorando minhas unhas como se eu não tivesse tomado café da manhã naquele dia.

Ela me olhou e fez um leve movimento com sua cabeça, como se
dissesse “ok, podemos começar”, soltei um sorriso tímido, observei o divã ao
seu lado e desejei poder apenas deitar alí e não dizer nada. Como se ao me
deitar, nada pudesse me atingir, e ao levantar, eu levantaria sem nenhuma dor,
mas meus olhos se voltaram ao encontro dos dela e eu respondi ao seu leve
gesto: “eu não sei por onde começar”. 

Ela continuou me olhando, eu comecei a tremer e passei a
roer as unhas da outra mão. Não queria reviver minhas dores, não queria
cutuca-las, por mais que meu maior desejo era superá-las. Comecei a chorar.
Pedi desculpas, informo que eu não conseguia falar sobre meus problemas sem
derramar lágrimas e ela me responde com um jeito calmo de dizer, que estava
tudo bem, que era ok chorar, levando assim até mim lenços para que eu me
secasse. 

Disse que eu sentia muita dor por diversos motivos.
Relacionamento que havia se acabado, faculdade que não andava bem, problemas em
casa e dentre outros motivos. Assim, logo repeti: “eu não sei por onde começar”.


- “Me conte mais sobre esse seu relacionamento que acabou...”

Droga! 

Tento mudar de assunto contando que minha mãe havia me ligado
na noite anterior e... ok, percebo os seus olhos gritando por informações sobre
o tal relacionamento.

Desabei.

Tentei começar a contar a história desde o começo, mas meu
coração foi palpitando mais forte e eu fui acelerando a minha fala, passando
palavras por cima de outras palavras e quando mal percebi, meu dedo sangrava de
tanto roê-lo – porque unha já não existia. 

Até a próxima sessão!