Pior mentira
Autor: Tanny Pontes | Publicado: 2012-05-04T17:42:00-07:00



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Repudio minha incapacidade de explicar isso. De trazer pra um pedaço de
papel a complexidade dessa coisa não catalogada que sinto ao escutar sua voz,
ou achar que escutei em plena madrugada silenciosa. Essa coisa que sinto por
você, e por não ter você. Começo a escrever sobre a violência, mas quando vejo
já é de você que escrevo. Começo a escrever sobre saúde, e adivinha?

Não sei mais onde me refugiar, o que fazer, o que fui pegar na geladeira, o que
estou fazendo parada com essa toalha na mão no meio do corredor. 
Não consigo completar nenhum raciocínio por que você não deixa. Por quê eu não
deixo você deixar. E quando há desentendimento meu diagnóstico piora. 
Da última vez eu me fiz de pedra, fodona, segurei o choro, escondi a dor e por
alguns instantes eternos achei que ia conseguir sufocá-la. Mas vergonhosamente
topei no canto do sofá e me desfiz em lágrimas. Por causa da dor no dedo, não é
óbvio? Que situação. Lá estava eu, chorando desesperada, olhando pros lados e
imaginando a explicação que daria se alguém tivesse visto aquela cena
deprimente.&nbsp;

É ridícula a forma que minto para todas as Tannys que sou. A música já diz: “Mentir
pra si mesmo é sempre a pior mentira”. O sentido deve querer dizer que é a pior
mentira por que é a mais dolorida, a mais catastrófica.
Eu começo a achar que é por que é a mentira mais incompetente.
A mais mal contada.






Tanny Pontes