How to disappear completely
Autor: Raíla B | Publicado: 2013-09-23T23:20:00-03:00


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&nbsp; &nbsp; Mais um texto sobre frustração. Sobre o probleminha que é
ser o que se deve ser. Sobre os clichês que vem com o frio. Acho clichê escrever
sobre clichês, mas fica difícil fazer algo diferente quando se vive o maior de
todos os clichês que é a tristeza. Mas não se trata disso. Você não entende.
Você nem se interessa, mas vem aqui. Estende essas mãos lisas, essa pele macia
de gente que nunca sofreu com a vida. Vira pra mim esses olhos puros de quem
poucas vezes derramou uma lágrima e pega, ó, aqui, ta vendo? Isso aqui, no meio
do peito, consegue enxergar? Parece só um vazio (é como se sente no início),
mas é muito pior do que isso que sua cabecinha encantada com a vida entende. Essa
coisa enorme e obscura é minha dor. Essa aglomeração de coisas piegas.
Vê como palpita? As vezes explode do nada, assim, em dias como esse e fico desse
jeito que você ta vendo. Hoje foi um daqueles dias em que fiquei totalmente
dentro de mim. Devaneei na chuva, Radiohead soando através dos fones de ouvido
e só pensava no meu desamparo e, conseqüentemente, na constante incompreensão alheia.
Na brutalidade de vir assim, sem mais nem menos, gerando uma dor a mais nessa
comunidade que mora em meu corpo. Tocando nessas dores não por curiosidade ou
pena, mas por puro prazer. 
Quando
fico triste, acabo me odiando ou odiando o mundo. Fiz os dois, e saí dessa experiência
ainda mais arrasada. Não é fácil. Não quando você acha que se superou depois de
umas semaninhas de paz e de repente é esmagada dessa forma, simplesmente porque
choveu. Hoje culpei Tom Yorke. Culpei o trânsito angustiante das ruas. Culpei
a vendedora de balas que sabe sorrir enquanto mantenho esses lábios rígidos feito
duas linhas paralelas. Culpo o mundo mas não assumo. Não. Assumo. Boca fechada
pro maior motivo. Baixinho pra ninguém ouvir: a culpa é minha.