Microcontos intergalácticos
Autor: RB Côvo | Publicado: 2015-11-15T22:54:00-03:00

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I

Certa vez, um extraterrestre (do
Kepler-186f, dizem) apaixonou-se por uma terráquea. Entre as muitas qualidades
da moça, o extraterreno destacava: “admiro sua capacidade para parecer aquilo
que não é. E a forma como crê que é de verdade”. 

Casaram, numa plataforma interestelar, em
22 de fevereiro de 2712, e divorciaram-se aos 20 do mesmo mês e ano. Os amigos
do rapaz foram unânimes: o tempo não resistiu a uma farsa.



II

O et e a moça praiana caminhavam pelas
dunas, sorrindo, cheios de amor, quando, de repente, principiou a chover. O
rapaz estacou, então, receoso, não entendendo o que sucedia, enquanto a moça o
apertava contra o peito e dizia: “sossega, é só uma chuva”. 



III

Depois de ser abduzida, a moça, de volta a
casa, escreveu no seu diário: o problema do mundo não é a comunicação.



IV

Numa convenção intergaláctica, Sir Loveboy, filósofo renomado, proferiu
palavras que intrigaram todo mundo, literalmente. Segundo ele, “os
extraterrestres amam sem saber que amam, ao passo que os terráqueos amam
sabendo não amar”. 

Expulso da convenção, uns dias depois
ousou uma explicação que, em verdade, nada o ajudou: “os extraterrestres falam
sem saber que falam, enquanto os terráqueos falam sabendo não falar". E foi assim
que o mundo intergaláctico, aos 12 de setembro de 2800 e qualquer coisa,
percebeu que não gostava de filosofia.



V

É sabido a preocupação que os pais têm com
seus filhos. Especialmente com as filhas. Pois foi assim que muito se aborreceu
o senhor F., quando, em passeio pela cidade, lhe chegou aos ouvidos que sua
caçula namorava com um extraterrestre. E isso já havia algum tempo. Como é que
era possível? 

Voltou, então, para casa, meio furioso, disposto
a tirar satisfações com a menina. Ao deparar-se com os dois, que o esperavam a
fim de formalizar o pedido de casamento, não se conteve: “podias, ao menos,
ter-me prevenido de que ele tinha a aparência de um homem”.



VI

Quando pensaram em casar, o maior problema
que se lhes deparou foi decidirem onde morar. A moça queria morar na Terra,
claro, afeiçoada que era aos seus pais, e ao oxigênio que respirava. O rapaz,
por seu lado, ambicionava continuar a vida em Kepler, ligado que era aos amigos
e aos bares.