diff --git "a/reddit_posts_fm.csv" "b/reddit_posts_fm.csv" new file mode 100644--- /dev/null +++ "b/reddit_posts_fm.csv" @@ -0,0 +1,16548 @@ +subreddit,id,title,text,url,score,author,date +theredpillrebooted,17c1wxt,My name is Benjamin Persits and I am so sick of women.,"Yes, I'm using my full name because I'm so sick off all of this. The women in my dorm have become so obnoxious. They are so fucking annoying. I try to talk to any of them and it's all ""sexual harassment"" and all that. I saw a cute girl by my dorm room sink the other day and we started talking. She wanders off and I walk after her while we chat. All of a sudden this is sexual harassment. Or when girls come on to me and when I lean in to kiss they don't want to all of a sudden. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm not going to be quiet about feeling this way anymore. I'm sick of dealing with women, in my classes, anywhere. I'm so done. ",,0,benjypersits,1697773233.0 +theredpillrebooted,16i06xc,WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?,,https://v.redd.it/8d1eapsih3ob1,0,PatchesTheIdiot,1694642276.0 +theredpillrebooted,16a4ekb,Why is she an asshole with me and how to handle it?,"So I got this girl who's kinda my crush but I don't want her any way because I'm happily married. We don't meet often but recently after months we did in a social gathering. I was happy to see her, we happened to arrive together, talk a bit and take adjacent seats at the table. I had the impression from her smile she was happy to see me as well. Then we continued to talk to various topics then suddenly she says 'Don't you want to talk to John you haven't seen for a long time?' After I said no she said 'since we arrived you're just talking to me and coming closer' which was impossible since we were sitting in armchairs. She was suddenly explicitly rejective and deliberately an asshole to me, I was very surprised and honestly I was kinda hurt. What could I have done wrong? I thought we were just chatting. How do I handle her next time? Should I ignore her, don't talk to her, act unphased, or call her out for this unacceptable behavior? Please help.",,0,Worried-Horse-3408,1693862367.0 +theredpillrebooted,15f45sl,Popular US vlogger Gonzalo Lira aka Coach Red Pill detained in Ukraine,"&#x200B; + +[https://chng.it/gFyFvqS5K7](https://chng.it/gFyFvqS5K7) + +Popular US vlogger Gonzalo Lira aka Coach Red Pill detained in Ukraine",,0,Beautiful_Diamond980,1690870896.0 +theredpillrebooted,12wwyzc,Mrs. Rooster by Stinky Buckets,,https://youtube.com/watch?v=jK5BQngWne4&feature=share,1,LetsGoRedDevils,1682297448.0 +theredpillrebooted,11ns2tc,Sith Lord exposed for falsely accusing her husband of raping their daughters.,,https://v.redd.it/s8pkr5zg00ma1,4,Kohathavodah,1678461996.0 +theredpillrebooted,114onkp,Women believe that if a man will not be friendly with women in office HR should get involved,,https://i.redd.it/cxonpsx39mia1.jpg,4,Kohathavodah,1676647956.0 +theredpillrebooted,10wflja,Solve most of your problems with well placed lies.,,https://i.redd.it/rxngq2w0ztga1.jpg,4,Kohathavodah,1675809798.0 +theredpillrebooted,zgghrp,Money is not a God,,/r/SigmaSpot/comments/zgfdb5/money_is_not_a_god/,2,liuk_x,1670543839.0 +theredpillrebooted,yz87wh,Andrew Tate theme song... but AI draws English lyrics,,https://youtu.be/lKQRVRSW4vw,2,InsomnAI,1668850984.0 +theredpillrebooted,yvbysh,do I leave my girlfriend after her not caring about my country?,"I am a Ukraine immagrant. been in England for almost my whole life. +my girlfriend that I have dated for almost 2 years and I were watching the news like usual and she just exclaims about how Ukraine should stop being talked about on the news because ""no one cares about it "" +she immediately said oh shit becausr she forgot that I am an immagrant +(sorrycfor bad English( +it made me very mad that she said that and it left a sour taste in my mouth +that really altered my view on her + + +i just need someone's advice if I should leave after I just feel mad she said that about my country + +thank you all for your time reading this",,2,Own-Mushroom829,1668458441.0 +theredpillrebooted,yv9sgi,Toxic men and the lie of lost men,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS4s4Oezdww,1,taddy223,1668453974.0 +theredpillrebooted,y00bgq,One Flake too many in a relationship?," Let me know what you think + +I am a high-value man, the top 1% earner, well groomed,ed and take care of myself physically. I have been dating this Lady for about 4 months. She is a 6-7 physically but becomes an 8 via her personality and wit since I have been dating her. We went out multiple times (no flaking) at least 10 (due to my business reasons; otherwise it would be way more since she wants to see me more) and do our sexual things, and we both love it. This past Saturday, we were supposed to meet at 4:30 PM. She was out hanging out with her girls that morning then lunch. After lunch, she texted me saying, ""her mom wants me to pick her up"" <-- I am about 95% sure this shit comes from her girlfriends, trying to play games. + +So I texted her back, saying, ""I get it, your mom needs you. You should stay home."" + +She texted me back about some other BS, but I didn't reply. + +Comes the actual meet-up time at 4:30. She texted me if I still want her to come. + +At that time, my mood was already sour and has no desire to deal with her or to have sex with her. I was already planning to go out hunting and have a good time all by myself. So I texted her, ""I am good, have a good rest of the day"" + +She asked if I was mad. I replied, ""I am disappointed, it is what it is. I will manage"" + +She called, but I didn't pick up. She texted and offer to uber herself to me. I replied, ""I am good, have a good rest of the day"" + +She apologized and I replied, ""No worries, I am very forgetful."" + +then she replied, ""that's nice of you, have a good night"" + +So here is the thing, I vibe with this chic well and the sex is great. This one flake threw me off. I value my time, and this girl violated the cardinal rule ""No one waste my time."" Normally, if a chic doesn't show up for the first date, that girl is out. This scenario is different. I have other chics lining up to date me and thirst for my time. What do you think? + +Two options: + +1. Drop her +2. Give her another chance + +Thanks in advance",,1,akanoname714,1665360407.0 +theredpillrebooted,x3gj7v,High Stake Dating?,"Folks, + +So I met this gal who is 9/10. We met in Vegas, I came up to her and we talked briefly. She said she liked my confidence. I am an Attending Cardiologist, and Resident Surgeon (graduate this year). She lives in Oklahoma, and I live in South Carolina. We have been talking back and forth via texting and phone calls with some escalating sexual suggestions. She calls me, ""babe, Papi, etc..."""" and I called her similarly. we vibe well so far, so we decide to meet up this weekend. We choose to meet in Miami, so we'll be spending the weekend together. I dated 9 girls before (where I live), but I have never done this before where I met a gal in vegas then going for the weekend like this. We are meeting up this Friday, I have some things for us to do in mind, but I won't spill the beans unless Friday goes well. If Friday doesn't go well then I will just chillax myself and then just enjoy whatever without her. If things go well then I will just lead her to do what both of us may enjoy. I did tell her to pick out the restaurants, and I pick out the activities. + +Also, It seems like we'll be having some intimate time. I thinking of laying low, a little escalation here and there to feel things out. If she comes on to me then it is great. If not, I don't plan to push sex too much. Friday would be our first date after all. Now, Saturday and Sunday would be a different story if it even gets to that. What do you think? + +Also, what do you guys think is the absolute must-do on Friday? + +Akanoname",,3,akanoname714,1662061189.0 +theredpillrebooted,wbbjkj,Need some advice,"There is a girl I'm seeing who I like very much but there are some issues that are making me feel a bit unsure about whether she is girlfriend material. + + For some context I'm a 20-year-old male who is currently studying finance at a great university and am managing to make over 6 figures a year and entering into my second year of college (I study finance which is how I'm able to make a comfortable living). I work really hard, and I have a high standard for myself and consequently any potential girlfriend (I'm not at all a hookup guy, it has never interested me). + +&#x200B; + +She was my first girlfriend ever, but she actually broke up with me in high school and it fucked me up really bad for 3 years, but ngl was amazing motivation for me to be on my purpose and work on myself. She is the only girl I've ever loved (granted I've only lived 20 years on this earth) and I'm still young so sometimes I think thoughts like oh she could be the one. I reached out to her after no contact for 3 years and everything went well. + +We struggled but we made time to see each other. I visited her in Boston, and she visited me in New York. It was magic and I'm going back to Austin in August to spend a month with her before college starts again. I really give her my all and I care for her deeply, but there are some glaring differences between us and the direction in life we are going that make this situation complicated from my perspective. + +Complications: + +1. We would have to do long distance since we are in different citys during our college years +2. I'm a Christian and she is borderline atheist, but she is into astrology +3. She has a moon and sun tattoo near her boobs which are sexy but also make me kind of uncomfortable (I hope she has impulse control) +4. She told me she is a virgin which doesn't matter to me, but I don't know if I completely believe her, I care more about whether she is lying then how many men she has slept with, it really comes down to honesty +5. She is into fake nails, piercings, and excessive cosmetics which I find to be vain, yes, she could be doing it for herself, but she also talks about how she loves attention, and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough sometimes, this is a me issue as well and maybe I'm not ready for a relationship, much less a long distance one +6. She doesn't know what she wants to do after college and has no career aspirations right now, mentioned about being a professor once, I'm very career oriented and know I want to enter investment banking +7. I'm very affectionate and she can be quite cold sometimes, but she says its because she has standards and maybe she is holding back some affection +8. Sometimes I feel very sad when I talk to her like this isn't meant to be or she isn't the one for me, and it makes me want to cry but I also know I need to be strong, since crying doesn't really solve anything + +&#x200B; + +Pros: + +1. We can talk for hours non-stop +2. There is an indescribable excitement and attraction between us that is magnetic, opposites attract possibly +3. To me she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and she is genuinely a very empathetic person, one of the sweetest people I know +4. We have strong communication, and we always talk through our problems +5. She is very patient +6. She is family oriented and takes cares of those she cares about +7. She challenges me to grow intellectually and get my stuff together + +&#x200B; + +Sometimes I feel like she can be vain, promiscuous (maybe I'm unconsciously slut shaming her), or immature and it makes me feel a little off. I can't get it out of my mind. I think I'm looking for a more traditional woman since I try to be a traditionally masculine man, but I'm also unsure because this girl has a sexiness, empathy, and a little crazy that keeps life exciting. I'm deeply conflicted. + +I would love your thoughts. I know I can't change her nor is that my job to do so. But I also can't ignore the potential issues because my time is valuable and so is hers. Just want to hear your thoughts. Thank you.",,1,[deleted],1659117816.0 +theredpillrebooted,waydi8,"My wife had sex with an executive at work, in his office. Need help",,/r/Marriage/comments/wav06a/my_wife_had_sex_with_an_executive_at_work_in_his/,3,[deleted],1659079827.0 +theredpillrebooted,w98uky,whut?,This isn't the matrix..... Wtf?,,0,officially_ender_,1658909283.0 +theredpillrebooted,vhq6kt,"Ok, which one of you geniuses operates their social media page? I can't get my bratwurst from this place anymore without questioning it...thanks guys.",,https://ktvz.com/news/business/2022/06/20/redmond-butcher-shop-sparks-online-controversy-with-post-criticizing-juneteenth-some-customers-cut-ties/,1,GlennClydeFox,1655852620.0 +theredpillrebooted,vh3k9y,Why I'm an Incel," as an infant, my life was always in termoil, both of my parents failed to show up when I was born. And I soon found my dad, not in the milk aisle at your local Walmart, but in a wheelchair after getting ligma. I soon found out the ligma was terminal and I was stricken with depression. I soon fell into a coma for 2 years after getting karate kicked in the testicles by a butch lesbian bodybuilder. When I woke up, I found my mother by my side, she soon told me that dad died, and that she took all the money that was in dads savings. I am now dieing of starvation and I’m currently sleeping on cardboard and news papers. My whole life I have been betrayed by woman, and I want my story to reach all of the BASED, NON-CUCKED, ALPHA MALES out there. Please don’t let these SHILLED FEMOIDS take over our proud America!",,6,MisandrySupremecy69,1655781881.0 +theredpillrebooted,vh3vqg,REDPILL IS THE ONLY WAY TO BE BROSKI!,"Guys! We are in the midst of the next Holocaust! Gina Coreano was warning us about this! Sleepy Joe forced me to vaccinate my kid now he's a commie homosexual! + +&#x200B; + +WAKE UP AMERICA! This is what we call Republican Cleansing it's very real folks! My kids dressing up in drag and singing the entire set list to Cabaret and he built a shrine to Karl Marx in his bedroom. + +&#x200B; + +I tried beating the shit out of him with a garden hose. Man, he just started talking to me about how I was triggering him and mentally scaring him for life. And he will never give me any grandchildren because he doesn't want to pass ""my abusive tendencies"" onto a future generation. + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +Vaccines are evil guys! #Qanon #SleepyBiden #Redpilled #2Trump2Spurious",,5,GlennClydeFox,1655782927.0 +theredpillrebooted,vh3gnc,Why I’m an incel,"as an infant, my life was always in termoil, both of my parents failed to show up when I was born. And I soon found my dad, not in the milk aisle at your local Walmart, but in a wheelchair after getting ligma. I soon found out the ligma was terminal and I was stricken with depression. I soon fell into a coma for 2 years after getting karate kicked in the testicles by a butch lesbian bodybuilder. When I woke up, I found my mother by my side, she soon told me that dad died, and that she took all the money that was in dads savings. I am now dieing of starvation and I’m currently sleeping on cardboard and news papers. My whole life I have been betrayed by woman, and I want my story to reach all of the BASED, NON-CUCKED, ALPHA MALES out there. Please don’t let these SHILLED FEMOIDS take over our proud America!",,2,IdiotsParadise,1655781561.0 +theredpillrebooted,vh4poo,wake up liberals!,"Hey I'm no homo broski's! I am totally straight! 110 percent MGTOW advocate Straight Brah! I'm a real man! I ain't no homo! It's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve get it right libtard! But I'm just gonna throw this out there. I would totally suck off Joe Rogan. That dude is based! + +Who's with me? + +Who wants to suck Daddy Joe off with me?!",,1,GlennClydeFox,1655785690.0 +theredpillrebooted,ud4sh4,anon is a failure,,https://i.redd.it/i3ubl5k5dxv81.jpg,4,M_Salvatar,1651069445.0 +theredpillrebooted,qepxf4,Is the West for You?,,https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8JL_JCqdv5R1CujRSU_Sgw,2,[deleted],1635073134.0 +theredpillrebooted,q5igm4,Feeling Fishy about this,"Hi, I have a question. I am an accomplished 35 years old or so male making about $1mil a year. I just started seeing this chic who is 26 years old. she is a nurse. She told me she is very sexual and loves sex. So I was like, I am down for great sex as well. We set up for a first date which may lead to sex afterward, but she didn't show. So I played it cool and wish her the best life. She text me 3 weeks later and tells me how horny she is. I was like whatever. We did a video chat. We got along well. During the chat, she talks more about her business and how she is a travel nurse and wants to travel with me, and so on. I just played along. I am going to Las Vegas and invited her to come. She accepted. She has been texting me daily telling me how horny and wet she is. I played along. When I asked her to send me sexy pictures. She said she is shy. Anyhow, what do you guys think? I have a feeling she will flake again. so two scenarios: + +1. She flakes again - done, no more discussion +2. She actually showed up. Is there something else she is looking for? like, have my baby and stuff? I definitely do not want a baby right now. I just want to have some fun here and there with zero commitment for a long-term relationship. I see too many men living miserable life choosing the wrong lady. + +Any advice will be appreciated. + +Cheers",,5,akanoname714,1633905473.0 +theredpillrebooted,ojj0lc,Original Male Space,"So I know where my guys are at. We get together. Have our chats, do stuff. +My question to this community is this? Where is your male space in the modern woke/feminist world?",,1,Xoshu,1626193193.0 +theredpillrebooted,nkkx1q,She Makes Her Own Money But She'd Rather Spend Yours #dating,,https://youtube.com/watch?v=0ImjsNnlelw&feature=share,3,Present_Rest6548,1621932136.0 +theredpillrebooted,mqz7xh,"Stay true to yourself and keep it real my dear Armenians, make your ancestors smile from the heaven ✊🇦🇲✝️",,https://v.redd.it/lpsdzchn16t61,7,NovaSociete,1618431913.0 +theredpillrebooted,m63gh5,"Thread: theories of Erich Fromm and Habermas on conformism, 5 types of modern personalities and social engineering",,/r/ArmenianRenaissance/comments/m63gdh/thread_theories_of_erich_fromm_and_habermas_on/,3,NovaSociete,1615879428.0 +theredpillrebooted,m5emsw,"Thread: The Cultural Marxist long march through institutions, the corporate take over of the movement (intentions behind the demoralization and deconstruction proces) and how to feed the mass the illussion that their ""progressivism"" is revolutionary or anti-establishment.",,/r/ArmenianRenaissance/comments/m5efxz/thread_the_cultural_marxist_long_march_through/,3,NovaSociete,1615790374.0 +theredpillrebooted,lkjcer,What do you need the most right now?,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgoHC6d_BlQ&t=71s,1,SundayDiscovery,1613412723.0 +theredpillrebooted,ljnhoy,"[Excellent New Video, Thoughts?] Masculine Frame and Humor | RedPill Masculinity is Not Funny?",,https://youtube.com/watch?v=LZULYl58BBc&feature=share,4,Sigma_Solo,1613305518.0 +theredpillrebooted,fiqrg4,Men as Property | Why Family Court Laws are Skewed in Favor of Women,,https://youtu.be/omPJ41JykjM,3,thevalentineyear,1584224643.0 +theredpillrebooted,f98onz,Take the red pill and wake up,,https://youtu.be/OS6N633Nv0s,3,thevalentineyear,1582628812.0 +theredpillrebooted,2mce9o,"Fuckin' women, man...",,http://thoughtcatalog.com/isabel-chalmers/2014/04/dear-nice-guy-i-wasnt-ready-for-you-before-but-i-am-now/,4,wiseprogressivethink,1416017755.0 +theredpillrebooted,2cizo8,"If you have girl issues and trp is too big to swallow, come this way.",,http://youtu.be/QLOfC1Xx3Ak,3,StaffOfTruth,1407097476.0 +theredpillrebooted,1ikdyg,I can feel it getting lighter.,,http://www.wikihow.com/Lighten-the-Colour-of-Your-Hair,7,appleman94,1374163584.0 +theredpillrebooted,1ik55o,BBC - Food - Recipes : Kaiserschmarrn with strawberry sauce,,http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/kaiserschmarrn_with_86930,3,[deleted],1374156558.0 +theredpillrebooted,1i0w26,The holy grail of /r/theredpillrebooted,,http://www.foodnetwork.com/chefs/100-greatest-cooking-tips-of-all-time/index.html,7,[deleted],1373481498.0 +RedPillWomen,13famda,We Found Where We Stashed The Checklist! Getting Started With RPW,"**Beginners Onboarding Checklist** +- + +This is a brief onboarding post to help you navigate and orientate to /r/redpillwomen. + +This is not a comprehensive RPW red pill theory guidebook, there will be repeated information that can be found in the [sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x508xb/back_to_basics_september_the_sidebar/), [wiki landing page](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index), [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents), etc. + + +One of the top contributors on RPW previously stated that RPW is not a checklist of actions that make up a 'rpw', instead, a tools in the toolbox ([Checklist or Toolbox: Tradcon is RPW but RPW is not Tradcon](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/mdr62i/tradcon_is_rpw_but_rpw_is_not_tradcon/)) approach is recommended. Following in that same spirit, this is not a checklist that determines a RPW, but instead acts as a beginner's foundation post that should signal you have a basic understanding of what RPW is and potentially earn you a star. + +--- + +**Navigating by [User Flair Guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/flairs)** +- + +You’ve likely found yourself on RPW through TRP, PurplePillDebate, or one of the subreddits/channels that are centered around strategic dating (vindicta, FDS, diabla, youtube, social media, etc.). There’s a lot of strange ideas about who and what RPW is, but it’s best to learn who we are by building a real relationship with real people. This can be difficult with more than 66 thousand subscribed members. Thankfully there’s a handy flair guide that will help you navigate the subreddit and to get the best advice. + +The hierarchy of expertise, reliability, and vetted status is like so: + +* **Moderators**: Mods and ECs have the privilege and responsibility to award stars to stand out contributors. When a moderator gives instructions, that is not an invitation to argue the matter ([standards of conduct](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gn3vw/standards_of_conduct/)) +* **Endorsed Contributors**: ECs are community members who have earned 5+ stars for their post/comment contributions and demonstrate excellent RP knowledge as vetted by the Mod Team +* **Starred Community Members**: In the same way that stars denote upvotes at RPW, our star flair recognizes our outstanding contributors +* **Unstarred Community Members**: While some of these members posts/comments may offer valuable insights and perspectives, others may not reflect the community’s core maxims and values. [Some may have a live duck tied to their ankle](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/b708vd/always_be_sure_to_tie_a_live_duck_to_your_right/) + +--- + +**Fast Tracking Your RPW Learning** +- + +This is one of the quick-start guides to help you begin your journey on RPW. Jumping immediately in from chronological order: + +* [Advice for A RPW Teenager](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/96zhr4/faq_advice_for_an_rpw_teenager/) +* [Female Game for Girls in Their 20s from The Rules Revisited](http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/12/female-game-for-girls-in-their-20s.html) +* [For Single Ladies “Late to the Red Pill”](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gqsmu/for_single_ladies_late_to_the_red_pill_part_i/) (3 part series Ages 25+) + +The macro view of RPW girl game is centered around inner game, outer game, and vetting. Vetting is usually stated last, but is number one in importance after you’ve taken care of your basics. + +* Inner game boosts RMV (relationship market value): things that inspire men to invest in you long term +* Outer game boosts SMV (sexual market value): things that open your access to more men +* **Vetting is a fundamental key that strongly determines the success or difficulty of your relationships:** incompatible life goals, abuse, financial instability, +[pre-commitment and post-commitment risks](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/putql8/back_to_basics_september_precommitment_risk_vs/), emotional baggage, cheating, lying, etc. can be effectively managed by selecting for competent, functional, and successful men. The stronger you build your vetting skills, the higher probability of a successful and enjoyable relationship you will have. [RPW Vetting Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4yrsdz/vetting_a_man_part_1_seeker_vet_thyself_first/), [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4yrqed/vetting_a_man_part_2_observational_and_verbal/), [Part 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4yrobj/vetting_a_man_part_3_alpha_and_beta_traits/). + +--- + +**Commonly Misunderstood Theory Posts and Frequently Asked Questions** +- + +* **RPW exclusively date RP guys or HVM**: false, [RPW and TRP](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents/trpvsrpw). A man possessing RP knowledge does not guarantee alignment with your values and life goals. A man being extremely attractive, wealthy, successful, or tall does not guarantee that he will be a suitable captain for you or is in harmony with your life. +* **Submission as strategy or ideology?**: As previously mentioned, RPW utilizes these principles, maxims, strategies, and tactics as tools in the toolbox. Blind faith following is strongly discouraged and [RPW is not “one size fits all”](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/42ruyb/rpw_is_not_one_size_fits_all/). The objective is to take the tools that you enjoy, prefer, and works for you and to drop the rest. +* [**STFU**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pwrd5m/back_to_basics_september_stfu/): A common misconception for beginner RPW is that after you've checked the submission box you STFU. That is incorrect. One of [The Essential Duties of the First Mate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9qknix/the_essential_duties_of_the_first_mate/) is **reporting ship status**. You are a team and communication is critical. You bring him your problems not your solutions. You tell him how you're feeling, but you do not undermine his authority and disrespect him. +* [**The Wall: I'm 24, 21, 25 ^help, ^it's ^crushing ^me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5qi7l6/the_fear_of_the_wall_and_why_im_sick_of_hearing/) +* **My N Count is really high, should I lie about this?**: Whisper writes, [so what if you've had a lot of partners](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/j3mlf4/so_what_if_youve_had_a_lot_of_partners/) on addressing past actions strategically and the inner psychology of men and relationship dynamics that allows you to navigate high n count. *This is the power of RPW. Understanding men and relationships is much more powerful than your baggage in the long run.* [Buy Matching Luggage](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/uvxs63/buy_matching_luggage_carry_it_together/) from a top EC balances the social pressure of chasing universally idealized HVM and instead wisely advises to instead seek for high quality men who align with your lifestyle and energy. +* **TRP said Women are children, that's bs and mean!**: ""Stay out of the Men's subs until you've developed a good RP knowledge base from the female perspective. Because it's a male space and locker room environment, there exists a certain amount of venting anger and frustration over women."" Read, [Ponderings on ""Maturity""](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1krml5/ponderings_on_maturity/) by FleetingWish and her comments [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1sqjap/thoughts_on_women_the_most_responsible_teenager/ce16bag/). + +--- + +**Extra Resources** +- + +RPW holds a yearly **Back to Basics** that highlights standout posts from years past as a refresher course and a guide to the RPW toolbox: + +* [RPW Back to Basics Mega Compilation](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13eeakb/rpw_back_to_basics_mega_compilation/) + +For a deeper understanding of the RPW red pill philosophy, community's core praxeology, and values, it is highly recommended to explore the sidebar, sidebar links, as well as the wiki's [everything you need to know about RPW](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents) and their connected pages. + +**Extra Tips**: + +**Pro Tip 1**: Utilize the [RPW Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9kl2j8/glossary_of_terms_and_acronyms/) + Search Bar in combination. You'll find field reports, theory posts, and discussion posts which can be easily navigated by keeping an eye out for starred, Endorsed contributor, and moderator flairs. + +* E.g. Searching ''hamster'' (an old term that has fallen out of use) brings up an immediate [request for advice post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/948mnj/my_hamster_is_spinning_out_of_control_someone/) from a RPW EC, a [moderator post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x3hnwd/back_to_basics_september_red_pill_is_power_here/) that had it mentioned, and a number of other posts. + +**Pro Tip 2**: While navigating through the search bar and reading highly-referenced articles, build a list of 2 or 3 endorsed/highly-starred contributors with whom you deeply relate. Follow and read their comments and theory posts; you'll find successful social models that align with your values and goals to learn from. + +**Pro Tip 3**: [Personal Security](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gn3zw/personal_security/). Participants on RP communities (TRP, RPW, etc.) will typically have a dedicated RP account. This is for anonymity and reducing probabilities of being doxxed. These dedicated accounts are also useful for writing theory posts, discussions, asking questions to get feedback and calibration, making field reports, and to ask for dating advice and relationship help. These systems are in place on RPW to keep you safe and accelerate your learning and skill development.",,42,FastLifePineapple,1683865535.0 +RedPillWomen,13eeakb,RPW Back to Basics Mega Compilation,"This is a compiled list of RPW Back to Basics starting from 2020 to 2023 and will be synthesized with 2024 Back to Basics. **You will find the most current year in the comments.** + +* **Please note that each years post curators did not write the presented posts (unless stated).** + +Compilations are being selected from old posts from throughout the years and being brought to the community as a RPW refresher course as a guide to the RPW toolbox. + +--- + +**2020** +- +**2020's Post Curators: pearlsandstilettos, timeforstretchpants** + +* [Quarantine Reposts: The STFU Method](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/flatu8/quarantine_reposts_the_stfu_method/) +* [Quarantine Reposts: Your Relationship is Not Equal](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fmllv2/quarantine_reposts_your_relationship_is_not_equal/) +* [Quarantine Reposts: Childlike vs Childish](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fmlhdm/quarantine_reposts_childlike_vs_childish/) + +**2021** +- +**2021's Post Curators: pearlsandstilettos, LivelyLychee** + +* [Back to Basics September: The Axioms of RPW](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pkhy5f/back_to_basics_september_the_axioms_of_rpw/) +* [Back to Basics September: What is RPW?](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pjuysp/back_to_basics_september_what_is_rpw/) +* [Back to Basics September: Male Attraction v Female Attraction](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pls16i/back_to_basics_september_male_attraction_v_female/) +* [Back to Basics September: A Metaphor for Men and Women’s SMV](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pl5r8q/back_to_basics_september_a_metaphor_for_men_and/) +* [Back to Basics September: Love and Respect \(For Women Only\)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ppjvd2/back_to_basics_september_love_and_respect_for/) +* [Back to Basics September: The Wife Tests \[Part 1\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pmgczd/back_to_basics_september_the_wife_tests_part_1/) +* [Back to Basics September: The Wife Tests \[Part 2\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pnp1oy/back_to_basics_september_the_wife_tests_part_2/) +* [Back to Basics September: Relationship Equality](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pqu9hs/back_to_basics_september_relationship_equality/) +* [Back to Basics September: Education, Profession, and the RP Woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pod116/back_to_basics_september_education_profession_and/) +* [Back to Basics September: Lessons from Fido on how to be a good first mate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ptf4t4/back_to_basics_september_lessons_from_fido_on_how/) +* [Back to Basics September - STFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pwrd5m/back_to_basics_september_stfu/) +* [Back to Basics September: Love Goggles](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/py3eec/back_to_basics_september_love_goggles/) +* [Back to Basics September - For Women Only Sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pyse0a/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only_sex/) +* [Back to Basics September: Doormat vs Deference](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pq6lz0/back_to_basics_september_doormat_vs_deference/) +* [Back to Basics September: Submissive Behavior as Strategy](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/prgjnb/back_to_basics_september_submissive_behavior_as/) +* [Back to Basics September: The Captain-First Mate Dynamic](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/psr3zs/back_to_basics_september_the_captainfirst_mate/) +* [Back to Basics September: the Essential Duties of the First Mate](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pu41u9/back_to_basics_september_the_essential_duties_of/) +* [Submission: Field Report Examples](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pu9brj/submission_field_report_examples/) +* [Back to Basics September: Pre-Commitment Risk vs. Post-Commitment Risk and You](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/putql8/back_to_basics_september_precommitment_risk_vs/) +* [Back to Basics September: Dread for Women](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pw1d3f/back_to_basics_september_dread_for_women/) +* [Back to Basics September: Cultivate a Receptive Spirit](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pxd5t9/back_to_basics_september_cultivate_a_receptive/) + +**2022** +- +**2022's Post Curators: pearlsandstilettos, LivelyLychee** + +* [Back to Basics September: Red Pill is power. Here are some \(amazing\) benefits of taking TRP as a woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x3hnwd/back_to_basics_september_red_pill_is_power_here/) +* [Back to Basics September: The Sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x508xb/back_to_basics_september_the_sidebar/) +* [Back to Basics September: Reconciling RPW vs. TRP](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x4f8hw/back_to_basics_september_reconciling_rpw_vs_trp/) +* [Back To Basics September: Reasons Why Male Led Relationships Work Better](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x9czc2/back_to_basics_september_reasons_why_male_led/) +* [Back to Basics September: Keeping Score in your Relationship](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x7csro/back_to_basics_september_keeping_score_in_your/) +* [Back to Basics September: The Importance of Responsiveness](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xdbwgu/back_to_basics_september_the_importance_of/) +* [Back to Basics September: From the Boy's Side - Covert Contracts](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x7cwlt/back_to_basics_september_from_the_boys_side/) +* [Back to Basics September: Extend an Invitation \(or, How To Inspire Your Man To Be More Alpha\) PART 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xivnfa/back_to_basics_september_extend_an_invitation_or/) +* [Back to Basics September: Extend an Invitation \(or, How to Inspire Your Man To Be More Alpha\) PART 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xivqqb/back_to_basics_september_extend_an_invitation_or/) +* [Back to Basics September: For Women Only - Providing](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x7cy7a/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only_providing/) +* [Back to Basics September: Issue a Challenge \(or, How To Support Your Man After He Stumbles and His Dominance Wavers\)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xkjw9f/back_to_basics_september_issue_a_challenge_or_how/) +* [Back to Basics September: Femininity isn't Superficial](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x84eql/back_to_basics_september_femininity_isnt/) +* [Back to Basics September: There's a Pair of Sneakers in My Closet](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x84hxh/back_to_basics_september_theres_a_pair_of/) +* [Back to Basics September: Cultivating a Feminine Frame of Mind](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x84d4e/back_to_basics_september_cultivating_a_feminine/) +* [Back to Basics September: The Dangers of Conflating SMV & RMV](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xa60nr/back_to_basics_september_the_dangers_of/) +* [Back to Basics September: For Women Only - Men are Visual](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xa6619/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only_men_are/) +* [Back to Basics September: Vetting a Man Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xf6u2b/back_to_basics_september_vetting_a_man_part_1/) +* [Back to Basics September - Vetting a Man Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xf6vxm/back_to_basics_september_vetting_a_man_part_2/) +* [Back to Basics September - Vetting a Man Part 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xf6xq9/back_to_basics_september_vetting_a_man_part_3/) +* [Back to Basics September - Relationship Dynamics Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xftbg7/back_to_basics_september_relationship_dynamics/) +* [Back to Basics September - Relationship Dynamics Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xftmgc/back_to_basics_september_relationship_dynamics/) +* [Back to Basics September - For Women Only - Insecurity & Affirmation](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xl9pwo/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only/) +* [Back to Basics September - For Women Only - Providing](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xl9rb7/back_to_basics_september_for_women_only_providing/)",,43,FastLifePineapple,1683783864.0 +RedPillWomen,1ae2l2v,How to avoid unserious relationships as a woman? Or men who just want s*x.,"I'm making this post because I know alot of women get into that situation and I guess I worry sometimes, if I ever was with someone and turns out they weren't as serious as I thought etc. Of course I have standards more now and I would only be with someone who seems serious... But some men even pretend. I would just like to hear any advice and stories lol. Plus I think it'd be helpful for other women :)",,8,beautyrosexo,1706553489.0 +RedPillWomen,1adu6bc,Boyfriend defended domestic abuse (but has not been violent). Where to go from here?,"For background: I (23F) and this guy (31M) have been dating for almost 3 months - and, so far, we've had two big discussions; one where he was scared of starting a relationship and becoming vulnerable, shortly after our first date, and this one. We have been intimate. Things are great most of the time, as it should be. He's more conservative than I am, but we both agreed on a relationship that is male-led. I'm the soft landing spot, and he's the leader. Etc. We both want marriage and kids. + +Somehow, one of our conversations ended up being about a video I came across of a dating podcast, in which three men said women should endure domestic abuse. I thought it's absurd, and plain wrong, and assumed it'd be his reaction too but - he said domestic abuse could be an ""appropriate measure"" for ""some people"". And things went downhill from there. He's said he bets some women would provoke men to abuse them for alimony, that most of the abusive relationships he's seen had the female as the perpetrator of violence, that I just don't know if the physical abuse was caused by ""something they did"", etc. + +He has also said that it doesn't apply to me - that he's not violent, he never hit a woman (though later he said he did, but in self-defense and lightly), and he'd never do it to me. He has defined the group that deserves violence as ""the working class"" originally, then said it was a miscommunication and he really meant terrible, low-class, dysfunctional individuals. + +My position right now is that, if someone can justify domestic abuse for a specific group, it might not take much for them to justify domestic abuse for others - including myself. He refused to look at all of the stats and research proving that females are not the main perpetrators and that domestic abuse is just objectively harmful, because data can be skewed/manipulated and that he doesn't believe in science. I tried talking but he interrupted me and became very defensive. I'm scared of continuing in this relationship because, clearly, this is someone with low empathy and someone whose opinions I can't agree with. I told my father about it and he thinks it's not a safe relationship. + +I'm just scared that I may be overreacting and that, to other people, this may not be as big of an issue as it is for me. He's said that it'd be less of a problem for me if I was older, less idealistic and less of a liberal. And I do have some liberal ideas - at the same time, not at all. But I figured it was worth asking like-minded women (and RP contributors!) whether I'm being a sensitive snowflake and ruining something super early on, or if he's actually out of line. + + +Edit: I'll respond to all the comments soon, and thank you all for taking the time to reply to my most! I had a bit of FOMO and was caught in that sunk cost fallacy, which made me doubt my intuition. I've decided to break things off and stay away from this person and, as soon as I feel ready, I'll go back into the dating scene... hopefully now more capable of vetting possible partners. Thank you all again. :)",,15,templilwitch,1706531317.0 +RedPillWomen,1aduz30,Snoring boyfriend :(,"I’m in a new relationship and I stayed over at my boyfriends place for the weekend for the second time. + +He is a very loving and attentive man but he snores like a walrus! It was an issue the first time I stayed over as well but I tried to ignore it throughout the night. + +The second time I stayed over (last weekend) the exact same thing happened, and I wasn’t able to get any sleep at all. It unfortunately ruined what would have been a romantic weekend, as after the second consecutive night of no sleep I was really cranky. + +My boyfriend had been apologetic about this but isn’t sure how to change this, besides me wearing earplugs to bed - I tried this the second night but it didn’t help :( + +Does anyone else have a partner that snores extremely loudly at night? How do you get over that noise or has he been able to improve the snoring? + +I am dreading the thought of spending another weekend with him and getting zero sleep :(",,14,-ladykitsune-,1706533877.0 +RedPillWomen,1aecqcz,Does anyone that’s unmarried ever have an issue marrying a divorced person?,"Someone I kind of like but he’s got a child he visits often and I don’t know how I feel about being labelled as the “second wife”. Plus with a kid already + +Not sure how this will work if i have my own kids with him",,2,KingNeuron,1706579572.0 +RedPillWomen,1ae0808,Accused of being the cause of his sister dying?,"Just looking for some advice here tbh. I'm completely and utterly broken. + +Husband's sister has end stage kidney disease, 2 failed transplants and only just begun dialysis several times a week. + +He blurted to her he would get tested and is happy to support (without researching, without speaking to me). Anyways, pulled him up on his impulsiveness (usual) and he told me his sisters life matters more than me. The day after he calmed down and told me he realises it was a rash thing to say. He felt it wasn't for him. + +Fast forward a few weeks, what seems like pressure from the mum, brandishing leaflets in his face, crying, guilt trip, he just out the blue told me he would be getting more info about this and of he's a match he would donate. + +I'm completely blindsided. I respect the gesture but keep in mind, he's in debt, I currently run the household as he struggles to find a job, our plans to start a family will be halted (I'm mid 30s). Also, in terms of care, we are not the same size, I'm tiny compared to him, holding down a full-time job and also running the household - I don't have the emotional, financial or physical capacity to support. + +I tried to voice this and he turned into a monster, kept saying his sister is dying and will be stopping treatment as she can't go through this anymore, he then went on a barrage of if you don't let me do this you are responsible for her death. + +I didn't say no, I merely voiced concerns and required reassurance. To which he gave none, came across incredibly emotional and gave me a load of abuse? + +How do I deal with this? He's a gentle giant usually, can be quote impulsive and I've spoke to him before about him being inconsiderate when it comes to me vs. his friends and family. + +I understand and respect what he wants to do, I just don't think we are in a situation where it can be done with out extreme stress to us as individuals, our marriage and our household. + +If it matters, other siblings have refused. She is a rare case, expectancy of new transplant is a mere 3 years or so if she's lucky.",,5,Ok_Student452,1706547854.0 +RedPillWomen,1ae5gsc,I want him back but maybe he’s not that great?,"I (26F) was seeing a guy (25M) for three months. We met through mutual friends. Here are the important details: + +• We started off very quickly. By the 3rd week, we were having back-to-back sleepovers. + +• I discovered that he doesn’t make that much money and his work ethic sucks a bit. This turned me off from him and made me look at him as not a potential partner + +• I still hung out with often. And we had a lot of fun together. + +• He did a lot for me (get me flowers, soup when I’m sick, great Christmas presents), but I could tell these efforts didn’t come naturally to him. But he was trying. + +• He also did a lot of not great things for me (didn’t plan dates, wouldn’t listen to me when I talked, and we would split bills. + +• I tried to give femininity, but because he wasn’t giving me that much masculinity I dropped the ball on it. I would wash his dishes *sometimes*, would help clean up his apartment after he hosted parties, I cooked for him 2 or 3 times, I gave a lottttt of BJs. + +• After three months, he ended with me because he said he thinks he’s not good enough for me and he thinks I think he’s not good enough for me. It was the truth + +• Now that it’s been a few weeks, I miss him like crazy and regret not being in my full femininity. + +• I know because he didn’t make money, I should’ve left him early. But now I’m rationalizing because he’s young, so I could’ve just pushed him to succeed his career more. We could’ve built our empire together. + +• I should also mention that I’m a lawyer (government so I don’t make that much money), so I know that can be threatening + +So, I keep wanting to go back to him. And be my full feminine self. And build our empire together. But, maybe he’s not worth it? If his work ethic and finances suck..? + +Any advice will be appreciated. TYIA!",,2,Fine-Change3835,1706560520.0 +RedPillWomen,1ad8jzc,Where are y’all finding men who want commitment?,"Hi All. I am a longtime lurker here. Recently, I ended things with my boyfriend of about 1.5 years. Things were quite literally perfect with him, we had so much in common, loads of fun together, and I loved him very deeply. + +Unfortunately, I am in my early 30s and know for a fact that I want marriage and kids in my future. We had had a few discussions previously about this, and it seemed the general consensus was to take things slowly. I figured I had told him what I wanted and planted the seed so to speak, and we could take our time and let the relationship flourish. I genuinely thought that maybe I was rushing/pushing him by talking my about this and needed to let it be his decision. + +Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was considering removing my BC device because some complications it was causing. I told him about my plans, and reminded him that we would have to figure out a workaround so that I didn’t get pregnant. Somehow the topic of the future got brought up again, and I asked him what he felt his timeline was for marriage and kids (as much of a chill girlfriend as I want to be, I needed to know this info). + +My boyfriend replied that, while he does see himself getting married and having kids, he wants to date more (other people), before marriage. I was floored. I ended things right there in a fit of shock and internal rage. To further add fuel to the fire, he said that he wasn’t really enjoying our chemistry in the bedroom anymore, and didn’t feel comfortable committing to me because of this. Wow. Double whammy. + +I am 30, with a college degree and a good job. I am self sufficient and would like to think I have good self confidence and self love (when I’m not getting my heart ripped out by some shmoe). What gives? I had always been told growing up by family and strangers alike that I am very pretty, and I don’t think that has changed. I have many hobbies and friends and am a fairly chill person. What more do I have to do? + +I am just trying to open up a discussion/requesting advice here because this is the second man I have had a serious, LTR with who has not wanted to commit to me. I am starting to worry if I am the problem. + +How do you find the men who actually want to commit and have kids in their future, and aren’t deathly afraid about discussing it? Is it just no longer common these days? I know a lot of religious folks tend to marry younger/want marriage, but I am not a religious person, and don’t go church. Furthermore, I don’t want to settle for someone just because they want marriage. Ideally I would want the relationship to progress organically to that phase - which I thought was happening with my ex boyfriend this time around. + +I am tired and feeling defeated. + +Tl;dr - Are there men who still want marriage? Where do you find them?",,55,idontlikecockroaches,1706464642.0 +RedPillWomen,1ae6gnz,How to get over a really good ONS?,"[26F] I know the redpill says to not have sex outside of relationships but I felt depressed and self-destructive so I hooked up with a guy from a dating app. + +Y’all. The sex was PHENOMENAL. Easily among the best I have ever had, if not the best. + +I am left worried that no man can compare. Perhaps I should consider not ever dating or trying for marriage again and just being a hoe? + +I know how men get about sex and how they really feel like women are comparing them and I don’t want to do that. I would want my future husband to be the best I have ever had I just don’t know if that’s possible anymore. + +I guess I could just keep having sex until I get too old to be desirable? Maybe I could become a prostitute. My body count isn’t crazy high but I know it’s not body count that counts, but alpha widowing + +Maybe I just need to accept that it’s over. Get a bunch of cats and die alone or whatever",,0,SaltCaterpillar7115,1706562984.0 +RedPillWomen,1adj17v,"Unplanned pregnancy— I want to keep it, he doesn’t","I accidentally got pregnant and want to keep the baby. He doesn’t. Is there a way forward for us or should I start planning to be a single mother? + +Before this, I thought this was the man of my dreams. Caring, protective, very motivated to provide for me, driving the relationship forward without my asking, etc. + +After it became apparent we wanted different outcomes, he became like a different person. Aggressive and threatening me and my family (he is a lawyer). He apologized a few hours later. But I’m not sure which is the real him. + +I originally felt he would come around and be the caring and protective person I thought he was. But after his pressuring me and his threats I feel like I don’t know him at all. + +He said he is open to having kids the proper way but that he doesn’t know me well enough. We have been dating six months. We are late 30s. I felt so lucky to have met him. Now I question if he is even a good person. + +I read stories about how men who were adamantly against the pregnancy change their minds and become loving and devoted fathers. For my future child (if I should be so fortunate), I think having the father involved is ideal.",,3,vw51638,1706491738.0 +RedPillWomen,1ad7z06,Worrying about the future with my partner,"I’m just really struggling here. I am naturally an anxious person, so I also struggle to see if I’m being irrational or not with some of my worried. + +I’ve(24) been dating my bf(29) for almost a year. He’s super serious about me, he talked to my parents about marrying me and plans to propose in a month or two. We align on values and what we want out of life for the most part. He’s a good guy, he is very in tune with me emotionally, very supportive and makes me feel safe, he’s great with kids, and my parents like him. He’s also very intelligent and hard working BUT- this is where I’m struggling. + +He has had this wonky path. Like he comes from a well off family, went to private school, had good examples. He started as an engineering major in college but switched to Chinese and ended up never getting the engineering degree. Mostly on a whim and just not liking the engineering classes, as he was getting straight As there and wasn’t struggling academically. He traveled some and got a Masters in Chinese/Asian studies , then planned to pursue a PhD in similar stuff but he didn’t get Into the programs he applied to. So he enlisted in the military as an infantryman. This is where I really struggle. I really worry that he will not be able to be a provider financially. It’s always been my dream to be a SAHM. I cannot do the military life for much longer and he’s willing to get out and move near my family because that’s important to me and he tells me he will do his best to become that provider while also recognizing it may take time and he likely won’t make a ton of money at least starting out. Yes, if he just changed jobs in the military and did that for 5ish more years, he’d have an easier time, but at this point I can’t do more time away from my family as it’s made me pretty depressed, so he’d be getting out with only infantry experience. + +I just worry. Sometimes I feel a little mad that he made what I consider, pretty stupid and impractical decisions before he met me. I was raised by parents pushing me to be practical and financially responsible so I chose a stable decent paying career path. My younger brothers have done the same and seem to have more maturity or at least practicality than this guy did at 25. I wouldn’t be so worried if he was 24, because I get it takes time to figure it all out but at 29, I’m feeling like he’s a little behind. He wants kids sooner if possible so there is that too. If kids were never going to be involved, I’m not sure I’d worry so much as I’d plan to continue working. + +Am I worrying too much? People like even my parents, tell me it will be ok because he’s smart and very hard working, but I don’t know if they realize that the economy is different nowadays. A random degree alone is not going to get your foot in the door in most places. Nor is his infantry experience. I’m worried about having to be the breadwinner long term as I know it would lead to resentment on my part. However, he’s a good guy and he’s willing to give and sacrifice a lot for me and wants to be a provider. I think one thing that really attracted me to him was his intelligence and knowledge, we can have intense convos about life and philosophy and I’m always learning interesting things from him. He’s super sweet to me and can practically read me, which I’ve never experienced before. Plus we share a religious background and family values which seems harder to find based on other guys I’ve dated.",,7,One-Introduction-566,1706463181.0 +RedPillWomen,1aczcsj,Female friendships,"Context married 24f a full time teacher. Finding it difficult to make true, deep relationships with other women + +Am I right to feel upset. Sorry just venting. Anyone else here always feel like they’re a better friend than the friends they have. I’m always the one to call / message, organise meet ups, get gifts etc despite working 10 hour days, 5 days a week and being married as well. I feel like I’m always put on the back burner because my friends have friends they deem higher. It’s always been like this since I can remember. If I don’t message or call I don’t hear anything for days / weeks. I am very content in being on my own and not having friends but it can get lonely sometimes. This feeling went away for a while but it has resurfaced recently. I’m the type of friend to give an arm and a leg if needed but I never feel it is reciprocated or appreciated 😞. I don’t know want I want from this post. Maybe just want to vent or seek advice. So many women around me just don’t value true genuine friendships. I got married at 21 and despite having more reasons to be busy it’s like I’m the only who puts in effort.",,17,akitty247,1706435962.0 +RedPillWomen,1ad0yb2,How can I be more feminine for my boyfriend?,"Here’s some background I’m a 20 year old girl and I have a boyfriend who is also 20 that I’ve been with for 2 years. Truthfully, I grew up with a mom who told me I didn’t need a man and a dad who kind of taught me the same thing. Of course, my father told me to respect men which I do but being taught to be like overly independent has kind of messed with me a bit as I’ve gotten older. Recently my boyfriend has been saying that I can be a little bit more masculine than he’d like me to be. He also pointed out some traits in women that he admires and they all seemed more feminine and submissive than the ones I currently possess. I do believe that I want to be a stay at home mom and we just moved in together so we kind of already adhere to traditional gender roles. However, I can be quite argumentative and I like to take charge more than I’d like to admit. What are some ways that I can be more feminine/submissive in my relationship?",,12,Sug4rCh3rry,1706442413.0 +RedPillWomen,1acg8rm,"How should I navigate the dynamic with a guy I'm dating, given that he doesn't initiate plans?"," + +I started dating a guy and noticed he doesn’t initiate making plans with me, however, whenever I do ask if he wants to get together he will always plan the date and go out of his way to do nice and proper things. I’ve never paid for a single thing and he always offers to pick me up. Sometimes he’ll text and say he misses me. We’re still in the early stage vetting process. It may be nothing to worry about. There’s always someone leading the path and I am the bolder personality of the two. I’ve considering testing to see how long it would be to have him actually ask, but I don’t really like playing games like that or holding back what I want. Maybe the proper thing to do would be to communicate this next time we meet up. Also, while he is is engaging and thoughtful in conversation, he doesn’t really ask me a ton of questions. I asked him about this and he said he was getting to know everything he needed to know about me by my actions. Maybe this is some kind of dating tactic? + +TL;DR: +How should I navigate the dynamic with a guy I'm dating, given that he doesn't initiate plans but is attentive and considerate when I suggest getting together? I'm contemplating addressing this in our next conversation, but also curious about your perspective on the situation. + +Quality control: +What is the problem, and what do you think is the root of the issue? I am the only one initiating dates. Potentially I’m not giving enough time between dates for him to ask me on one or maybe this is male dating tactic. +How have you contributed/attempted to mitigate the problem? I’m in between giving it time to see if he initiates a date with me or initiating a date myself and communicating my needs and concerns in person. +What is your current relationship status and length of time? I am single and in the vetting process with my date. We have been going on about one date a week for about a month and a half.",,9,NobodySure8915,1706377142.0 +RedPillWomen,1ac7vll,Amazing RPW style blog,"https://wwnh.wordpress.com + +I used to read this blog a while back. Very excellent advice exploring female/masculine dynamics. He even responded to emails until he passed unfortunately. + +I hope it can add some value here!",,16,Independent-Hall4929,1706350879.0 +RedPillWomen,1acrjfo,I'm (30F) ia relationship with a single dad (39M) with a child (4M) and baby mama (40F),"I've (30F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (39M) for over a year and have been living with him for 5 months. We have his 4yo child for nearly half the week. His ex (40F) and him have been together for almost 20 years. Dating my boyfriend is great and he is the best I've had. It's great when it is just the two of us. His son is sweet to me, most of the times. I cannot cope with being in a relationship like this though. The son and the ex is prioritized. His family friends are on her side. Being around his son all the time is exhausting. I've escaped home to my parents for the weekend. He and his ex has been separated for over 2 years. Their divorce agreement is taking a long time to be finalized because she is asking for on-going spousal support (separate from his large amount of child support). IMO, she shouldn't get spousal support because their marriage didn't hinder her educational and career achievement. She has a career going for herself. He wants to pay her a lump sum of money so they don't have to go to court. He may end up agreeing to pay spousal support, even continuous. I don't feel comfortable marrying a man who will be financially supporting his ex. I want to be married and have a child or two of our own. He also wants me to sign a pre-nup if we do get married (he said it's to protect his son). He never signed a pre-nup with his ex. + +I live with him and his son (4M) (he's there almost half the week) in a 1bedroom apartment. I don't have to split rent with my bf, but I do bring in a car which they use regularly. The apartment is constantly messy and dirty and I've scaled back on doing chores because I work full-time too and can't keep up. My bf pays for most of our dates and groceries but I also pay for a lot of my own and sometimes groceries for him too. We fought about cleaning the apartment and he suggested that I pay for a cleaner since I don't pay rent. I spend a lot of my time and energy being company to him and his child. I'm exhausted from hearing his child talk about his mom, of listening to loud kids music in my car with them, of going to their kids play dates, to seeing his family friends who prefer his ex over me and I never get acknowledged for the time and energy I spend on his child. + +My bf is a professional who makes a 100k/yr. I make substantially less even though I have a master's degree and work a full-time job. Even in this situation, given everything, I'm not sure if he is in a good financial situation to have a marriage and more children with me. He is also constantly tired from dealing with his work, child, and ex. Qualify time between us has declined a lot and he has gained a lot of weight. I don't like that he isn't taking care of his health and is constantly complaining about not having enough time to sleep and for himself. + +I am trying to make this relationship work because I love him. But I'm not sure if it is a healthy relationship for me.",,0,Commercial-Nerve-550,1706407749.0 +RedPillWomen,1abw4ar,How Do Transition Myself From Girlhood To Womanhood?,"For some background I’m a 19 year old girl currently attending university. I’m going to be honest as of right now I’m a bit of a loser. I don’t have friends and I’ve never ever been romantically involved with a man. I don’t really get male attention (I’m very plain looking) but that might have something to do with the fact that I’m mostly a shut in, only leaving my house to go to school. I feel like mentally I haven’t aged a day past middle school. My mother still buys me clothes for goodness sake. How do I transition out of this perpetual girlhood I’m stuck in? I want to have new experiences and I want to meet a good man who’ll make me his wife. I’m currently focusing on starting to go to the gym and getting a job but other than that any advice?",,28,Lily_Swan1800,1706311277.0 +RedPillWomen,1abt3dn,Valentine’s Day Expectations,"Do you have them? Do you do anything special for your partner or vice versa? Any funny stories or mishaps to learn from? + +It’s Friday so I’d like to pose a light-hearted question/discussion.",,10,throwawayfun_222,1706303554.0 +RedPillWomen,1ac1nxl,New SAHM to 2y.o step daughter,"I am in need of reorientation. For context: My fiancé and I have been together 1.5 years. He has a 2 year old daughter from a previous relationship (there was domestic violence issues and he had to leave shortly after receiving news of the pregnancy. Ive seen the police reports to corroborate this.) His daughter was taken from the ex by child services and has been very suddenly (literally 8 days ago) placed in our care. + +My fiancé and I were just settling in to me being a SAHW (something he requested and can afford, something I am more than happy with), and this has suddenly become SAHM of a baby that I don't know very well. I am already so in love with her, though. She's an angel on Earth. + +With background out of the way... My fiancé and I have had the flu basically since we got his daughter, and that has obviously been a huge struggle. Its been very hard to be sick and adjust to the baby. + +My fiancé and I typically have sex at least once per day, and he (of his own accord) has not watched porn or masturbated in about a year (recovering from a porn addiction). Since being sick, we've had sex *only* 4 times. He told me yesterday that he has becoming agitated and sexually frustrated and that we needed to come up with a solution. + +I asked him what he would suggest and he said ""Well, it would be ridiculous to ask you to have sex 3x/day, but thats just how horny I feel. I dont know what else to say about it."" + +I'm just at a loss. I feel like we already have good sex very, very often. I dont know how we could manage the same pace or *more* with a 2 year old here that neither of us really knows. I don't even know what advice I need or what to expect from posting. Maybe I just needed a vent. My life has changed so much in 1 week.",,1,babyegirll,1706327447.0 +RedPillWomen,1ac0k6m,How/why to become attracted to masculine men?,"I’ve always been attracted to a little bit of femininity in men. I’ve dated ballet dancers, nonbinary people, and trans women to give you an idea. + +But a few years I stumbled across that one RPW post that talked about how men are better at leading and making decisions, and how they’d throw themselves in front of bullets, et. + + I’m really attracted to the idea of a man I could trust and admire enough to lead me even if I never become good enough to attract him. + +However, I’m pretty internally masculine. I’ve started wearing makeup and dresses and all that, but I find myself still swearing, still being loud and unladylike, still wearing jeans and sneakers and shorts sometimes, still being opinionated and combative, still feeling independent, etc. + +I also really LIKE when a man is feminine, like a little bit emotional, etc. Not too much of course, and more and more I’m finding myself attracted to shirtless men’s magazines (whereas when I was younger I saw them as Communist propaganda lol) + +I used to be transgender too, so it’s hard to imagine myself being authentically feminine. Anyway I’d love tips.",,0,Hopeful_Eggplant_658,1706323993.0 +RedPillWomen,19fk420,What do you do when you realize you've been complaining a lot?,"I've come to the realization that I've been complaining about a lot of things in my life to my boyfriend. It's probably been a few months if not more of this and he recently let it slip that I should do X to stop complaining so much about Y. At first I was frustrated because doing X is a bit out of reach/doesn't really solve the issue in my opinion, but then I remembered that men don't respond to complaining which sparked the realization that there's quite a few things I've complained about to him lately, and quite a few more complaints that I haven't brought up yet, and these have probably dragged him down and contributed to some relationship tension we've had lately. + +The complaints I've been open with him about are unrelated to our relationship but are complaints all the same. I do have some internal complaints regarding him and our relationship and I know that obviously nagging or harping on him about these would make him feel bad, but I also don't want to let resentment build. + +Anyway this is a bit disorganized of a post but any thoughts? Should we just never complain about anything to our partners? What do I do with my propensity to complain and all this excess worry? How do you know if something is a legitimate complaint or you just need to chill out?",,19,Difficult-Health-498,1706217365.0 +RedPillWomen,19feflf,How to be comfortable accepting money from boyfriend/future husband,I was raised by my Dad to very very independent and take care of myself. My Dad always told make sure you can take care of yourself and don’t be dependent on a man because they can change on you last minute. My boyfriend and I are long distance and I have never asked him for gas money when I drive 2 hours to see him. Today he sent me money to fill my tank but I feel really really uncomfortable accepting it. Any advice? I don’t want to bruise his ego because he really wants to take care of me but I feel uncomfortable accepting it,,21,BroccoliHead2009,1706203100.0 +RedPillWomen,19fd9ki,Advice for a single 26F needing to build up her feminine energy?,"Hello everyone! For context - I'm a conservative single Latina (26F) - I went to college, and now work a weekly 9-5 office job while living at home with my parents. My parents are near retirement age, and my priority right now is making sure I help them not only with living/medical expenses, but in any way that they may need. Thankfully, I have a job that allows me to help care for them and myself. + +I however, now have concerns regarding my dating life. I am realizing that my current lifestyle has me feeling more **masculine**, in a way. Without complaining (because that's not my intention at all), I realize that I'm usually just used to doing things on my own, helping myself when I've needed help, and basically just not expecting anyone to help me in my sad or difficult times - for anything. From the small things, to the bigger things. I am not very close to my extended family, but I know that I can count on my parents and on my surviving grandmothers for emotional support/care towards me (and I'm so very grateful for them in my life!), but I would not ask them for any help with things that required difficulties like physical labor or money. So, I am used to being my own help. Additionally, I have trust issues and ""walls"" I've built up since my prior two relationships. + +I am now wondering, **what can I do to be more feminine in my dating life, and overall in my life?** + +I go to many social events and on the occasional date - as I eventually would like to get married and have a husband with a ""provider"" masculine mindset. But I realize this has proven difficult. I have many trust issues created from bad experiences with men and some family members. I've even taken a break from dating because I realize that I need to change my current conditioned mindset, because I myself *do not* want it. My more ""independent"" lifestyle, I feel, has caused me to, unintentionally, *not* accept any help. Even when offered help from a man on dates. In situations as simple as a guy asking if he can help me carry my things, pay for the meal, etc. I have an issue with accepting help because I feel *guilty* even, that they're offering to pay for our meal, help me carry my things, help me at all etc. I feel bad and can't stop feeling like it's so wrong to accept the help, no matter how small it may be. I feel like a *burden* when on a date, and not because a date treats me bad at all, but because of my own conditioned mindset. I don’t get myself - I want a masculine man, but I’m not letting them provide for me in any way because of my guilty feelings. + + I’ve taken a break from dating for about 6 months now, because I know that I need to stop thinking the way that I do. Thinking like this, I know I'm not helping myself towards having a family with a wonderful man one day. Please help me - I appreciate any advice anyone could give me on this matter! + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B;",,9,pertiii,1706200145.0 +RedPillWomen,19ewfax,We Really Should STFU,"I just witnessed in action why men get so frustrated when making something happen while women watch. + +My boyfriend is moving a very heavy machine that was a complicated endeavor. He's the only man available to do so with 3 women to help including me. + +His mother, bless her heart, she is sweet, but she really is an example of not implementing STFU and support. She kept asking ""Can you do it like this"" and suggesting things and overall getting in the way. To the point where my boyfriend had to politely ask her to stay in the living room (out of the way and without comments) + +I just stood quietly and out of the way until he needed me. He'd hand me things to hold or tell me to grab things and I didn't say a word but ""Okay"". I'm not perfect I did think ""You should do this."" multiple times. + +But I didn't say a single peep. + +Eventually his mom was back over again. Back making comments. Back trying to involve herself. Unfortunately her finger got nipped in the process. + +And I got a ""Thanks so much for your help."" + +STFU and be a support ladies. Not a headache. + +Update: He got me alone while ""putting away tools"" and gave me a kiss to end all kisses with roaming hands and a heartfelt thank you! + +Edit: I don't want to be misunderstood. This isn't a ""haha I'm better"" story. This is a juxtaposition. I would never disrespect his mother. I adore her and we bake together. I did debate whether to post this because of the people involved but I decided the lesson was blatant and worth sharing. However I accept this can be seen as inappropriate so I don't judge you if you think so and express that. Thank you.",,107,AmilliBee,1706143446.0 +RedPillWomen,19ezosk,How to let a man lead in a relationship?,"Hi everyone, I just want to know if anyone can help me with the ways to encourage/ let a man lead in a relationship. + +For context, I grew up in a family where my mom had the tendency to overpower my dad in the household, she decides and does everything and my dad just follows. I know, for some reasons it worked out for them. That being said, I found it to be unnatural and I knew my dad did not like it most of the time but he just tolerated it. I realize the relationship dynamic between my parents really affects how I am as a person when it comes to dating. I tend to be over-independent and dominate the man I have been with even though I did not purposely want to. This ended up being detrimental to our relationship. At the end of the day as a woman I want to be cared for and taken care of. I want to learn how to be softer and submissive in a relationship and this is hard for me because growing up I never get to see this from my mom so like I don't know how to act that way.",,11,noname306,1706153035.0 +RedPillWomen,19f1rfg,Unable to strike a connection with the right men,"So I’m generally quite chatty with men and women alike and have no trouble striking up a conversation. Unfortunately it’s the opposite when I’m attracted to someone. I get nervous and end up avoiding them which would probably give them an impression that I’m not interested. Since I have no trouble talking to men otherwise, I noticed that some of these men end up mistaking my casual/friendly conversations for something more (I’m very mindful of not being flirty though). This leads to them either making a move or being clingy. I want to know how I can go about managing my communication with men I see as friends and learn to communicate better with men I’m actually interested in. Please help!",,5,Global_Moose_1991,1706159812.0 +RedPillWomen,19f88uy,Advice for a people pleasing SO,"My (26f) partner (30f) is an angel and does everything he can to help others, including me. +The problem is, sometimes he can spread himself too thin at this own expense - agreeing to too many plans, travelling many hours a day to see friends/work/spend time with me/drop by his parents' house etc. It's to the point where it's hard to know when he wants to do something/spend time with me and when he doesn't. + +I've tried to ask, but he insists that he doesn't mind/wants to because he loves me so much, but at what point is it just straight up dishonesty? It makes me doubt him, because he often complains about doing or agreeing to things with friends that he doesn't want to do, so why would it be any different for me? Btw, this isn't a complaint about not spending enough time with me or anything - we do! It's simply a worry that he's doing things with me, even when he doesn't want to. Sometimes he'll have seemingly weird/random reasons to go and do other things, and it feels like his way of getting out of doing something or spending time with me. Ofc I don't mind him wanting to do other things, like go home and spend time with family, or work by himself! But if that's the case, I would just want him to say that. + +It might all be true, but the people pleasing is to the point where I genuinely don't know and I'm starting to read into things more than might be necessary. + +Is it one of those things you just got to stay quiet on and let him figure out? Or is it worth trying to bring up and have a conversation about (again)? We've touched on it briefly a few times. ",,0,doyoou,1706185819.0 +RedPillWomen,19em21a,i'm never the first pick,i just realized that the guys i wanted and loved eventually had to choose me because they couldn't get their dreamgirl/higher value woman. i'm so hurt rn. i wish i could be the first for once. what do i even do? get plastic surgery and go to the gym? i'm tired if not being good enough.,,24,dieamer,1706116177.0 +RedPillWomen,19ex8yz,The talking stage - move on or keep trying?,"Hey ladies! Im about to turn 23 and am finally and for the first time actively looking for a partner. For context I'm Muslim, meaning we keep things pretty innocent until marriage and I joined a Muslim dating app. I matched with a guy from a very similar background as me which is so hard to find and I had a preference for. The conversation was fun/cute to start and we moved it over to text after a couple of days. + +He had made a mention of meeting up for a sports game pretty early on but the dates weren't working, and had paid me compliments calling me cute/funny, and the conversation was pretty playful. It's barely been a week and I feel like things conversation-wise have slowed down a lot. He mentioned having a busy job with long days to be fair, and he is responding like 3-4x a day, sometimes after 8h, sometimes after 5min, and the responses have become pretty short like a couple word answers and not really enough to carry the conversation without help from me. As a relationship novice, should I call it a loss and assume he's lost interest? I don't want to be pestering him - it's so rare to find people of a similar background and a lot of what he's shared has been what I've been looking for so it'd be a shame but I also want to be aware of when I'm not wanted lol. + +Any advice appreciated! I'm so bad at the online dating/texting thing:')",,5,KeyChemist3607,1706145753.0 +RedPillWomen,19eflxn,Feeling insecure about partners female friends who I’ve never met,"My partner and I are serious about eachother. We have spoke about marriage , and he wants to go engagement ring shopping with me to find the style I like. I love him and want to marry. + +There’s only one problem that’s making me feel so down. He has 2 female friends who he wants to invite to our wedding. + +Firstly, I don’t think anything is going on with these women, however I feel uncomfortable as my partner has told me little about these women and I’ve never met them. + +They are both working at the same place as him. The first one he said he’s been friends with for years. I’ve seen her call him multiple times in one week when he’s been out of the room(the phone lit up and I saw her name). He said that she often calls him for advice at work, or for advice or support with issues with her boyfriend. He said they have a lot in common which is why they’re friends. Apart from this I really know very little about her. + +The second one he recently called pretty which comparing her to the other one. He said they contact each other less. I really know very little about this woman asides from her age and some pictures of her (she is attractive). I know he’s been out with her for meals before he knew me, but this is about all I know about the female friend who my partner will invite to our wedding. + +To be honest he doesn’t speak often about his male friends, or others in general. But when I try to open a dialogue about these women and ask questions about their personality or relationship my partner gets quite impatient and wants me to stop asking so I drop the topic. I’m only asking so I can feel more comfortable and know about the women who are friends with him and who would come to our wedding. Because he knows them and sees them at work he says he doesn’t go out with them after work which is one thing. And he has assured me he only sees them as friends and that’s he’s told them about me. + +But I’m really hurt deep down. I have one male friend who I meet every few weeks and I was very open and asked my partner if he’d like to meet him to make him comfortable. I asked him if I could meet the female friend who he’s known longest and at first he said yes but then he said it may be a little odd to hang out together as they don’t hang out after work. I suppose if I pushed him he would arrange a meet. + +My main issue is that I know very little about these female friends. When I ask him he doesn’t want to share more and treats me like I’m being ridiculous and as if this is a non issue, however it’s silently killing me inside. + +I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think he’s acting inappropriate but I have no idea about the dynamic of these women, their personality or anything. I’ve never heard them speak to him. Am I just being ridiculous? Or should I try to speak to him again?",,7,Red_rose49,1706098016.0 +RedPillWomen,19e6mr4,How important is it for the man you want to marry to have a stable job?,"Are you comfortable marrying a man who chose a career in the arts or another area that is not very stable (e.g. hard to find work due to competition, low-median income)? Would this be a deal breaker for you if you plan to have a family? Are you okay with being the breadwinner? + +With financial stress being one of the main causes of divorce, would this be a very important factor in who you marry? ",,23,Searchtheanswer,1706064440.0 +RedPillWomen,19dvn9w,How to support my bf looking into career advancement options?,"TLTR: My partner (27M, student) feels stuck in life and is not looking into career advancement options such as internships/jobs/practical studies. This frustrates me as I (23F) am more ambitious than him and know that his success is needed to have the life we both want (marriage and children). He will start therapy this week but I am wondering if there is anything else I can do. + +This is a throwaway as my partner follows my main profile and out of respect, I do not want him to see I am looking for advice on reddit – he knows though that I feel a bit frustrated with our situation. English is not my first language so please bear with that. + +My boyfriend (27M) and I (23F) have been together for almost two years. We are both living in a third country in Europe and are not from the same country. His region of his country has been in war for many years, which is the reason he came in the first place to the city where we are both living now. + +This war has obviously shaped his psyche and turned his life upside down. His parents are internally displaced people and basically sent him abroad to ensure him to get a better future. He has been suffering of depression for 10 years but has been taking medication for at least the last three. Our relationship is pretty fulfilling – we love and respect each other, have fun, nice talks, he often takes me out for dinner and whenever he stays over at mine (we do not live together) he helps me with some house chores. He is pretty masculine which allows me to relax more in my feminine, which I really enjoy. + +There is one thing that frustrates me. I am pretty focused on my studies and am working a couple of hours on the side to give some relief to my parents who sustain my life abroad. I do not crave an ambitious career, whenever we will have children, I would like to work part-time to still have financial independence. But for this to happen, I recognize that he should be a bit more ambitious, too. He has no work experience (except some occasional, irregular jobs he did years ago) and would like to have a career as an artist yet is not actively working on getting further with his skills, making connections, doing internships or expanding his portfolio. + +This latter part annoys me. We would like to get married and have children in a couple of years but for that to happen he needs to have a good career – but clearly, he is not on the right path. He has hobbies such as reading and besides studying (we are both doing a master´s degree, he started a bit later due to language difficulty), he spends most of his time doing that. He is not actively looking into career advancement options. He also should start working to become more quickly a citizen of the country we live in (this would make our future way easier from a bureaucratic perspective) and to give some space to his parents who with difficulty support his life here. + +I always thought that his problem was being lazy but recently I realized that that his life experiences might play a role in this. We talked about it, and he basically confirmed this – he feels stuck and trapped in a nihilistic mindset, as nothing makes sense because life could take a 180 degrees turn from one day to the other anyway (which happened to him 10 years ago). So, I suggested to him to start doing therapy (I had good results with CBT, so I recommended that to him). He has always been very skeptical about therapy, but I told him he really should try it, at least a couple of sessions, before judging. He will start by the end of the week. + +What else can I do? + +I clearly do not want to give up this relationship as everything else is perfect. I am simply scared of our future and with all due respect to women who work more than their partners, I would not like to be in that position so I will be able to dedicate my time to children, house and hobbies, too. My mother sees through him and while she likes him overall, she criticizes him (privately to me) for this, and that does not help either.",,7,Able_Temporary_9236,1706035658.0 +RedPillWomen,19dyqwc,Aging Gracefully or Do I Need Skincare,"Hello RPW! I am a philosophically aligned woman, partnered to my very own High Value Man™ seeking perspectives on how to prioritize aesthetic improvement in the context of a long term relationship. + +My partner's business success means that I have transitioned back into being a dedicated SAHM for our 2 under 2 boys and settling back into the domestic support role. In an effort to make my time as a support partner more fulfilling, I have been reading more RPW booke and trying to lean more into my femininity. Our relationship is always been the most exciting and enjoyable for both of us when we allow ourselves to become polarized in that masculine feminine energy. + +So obviously part of that has been paying more attention to how I look and how I present myself. I have to be honest after two kids in 2 years and turning 32 this month. I do not feel or look as young as I did when we got together. I want to be conscious about embracing that change in myself as much as my partner seems to have embraced it while also doing my best to look my best. So I will obviously be trying to lose most of the baby weight and I am trying to choose clothes that are more flattering and less functional for nursing. But do I really need a 12-step skin care routine? + +I learned many years ago that my skin tends to be healthiest when I mess with it as little as possible. So I just use a face wash when I shower and that's pretty much it. I know I should wear sunscreen, but aside from that do I really need to spend time figuring out how to prevent my skin from aging? Or is it better to spend my time on markers of beauty that don't have to do with age? + +How does wife goggles factor into the efforts we put into keeping ourselves beautiful as we age?",,5,Purple-Poppins,1706043358.0 +RedPillWomen,19dh5vu,How to be a Happy Human Being 101,"1. **Happiness is a combination of three things: enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.** Enjoyment is intentional pleasure. Satisfaction is the joy received from a job well done. Purpose is finding signficance if your life. If you have these three things in balance and abundance, you will have happiness. +2. **To figure out the purpose of your life, ask yourself the following questions: ""why am I alive, and for what would I be willing to die?""** If you are missing an answer to either or both questions, you will likely find yourself with an existential crisis. You need go on a search in your life to answer these questions, and the answers will vary from person to person. +3. **The way feel gratitude is to decide to be grateful.** You can achieve this through the process of metacognition: being aware of your emotions and what you're thinking. Instead of letting your emotions dictate how you are going to act, you allow yourself to bring your feelings into the prefrontal cortex of your brain and process them. In your prefrontal cortex, you can take your emotions into account but can consider other factors before making a decision on what to do next. Here's a gratitude/metacognition exercise: make a list of the five things you're most grateful for on a Sunday night. Every night for the rest of the week, spend five minutes looking at your list. Every Sunday, edit and remake your list. In 10 weeks, you will be between 15-25% happier because you made a conscious choice to be grateful. You will have managed your emotions instead of them managing you. +4. **Good diet, sleep, and exercise won't increase your happiness.** They will, however, lower your levels of unhappiness. This may sound like splitting hairs, but happiness and unhappiness are actually processed in different parts of the brain. Combatting your happiness or unhappiness levels are both valid strategies for improving your overall mood. +5. **Depression and uncertainty are likely to follow after achieving a goal.** This is the satisfaction dilemma: chasing and completing a goal may give dopamine boosts, but then it stops once you have what you want. We often think the only way to become satisfied again is to make another goal, but that's not quite right. The better way to look at satisfaction is through a formula (how much I have / how much I want). Both achieving more and wanting less are valid ways to become more satisfied. +6. **Social media can cause depression.** It's the junk food of social activities - high calories, low nutrition. We go on social media on a hunt for oxytocin, but humans get little oxytocin without touch or eye contact. If you're going to use social media, it should only compliment your in-person relationships, it shouldn't be used as a substitute for an in-person friendship. It should be used sparingly, 30 minutes or less across all platforms. Otherwise, social media will negatively impact your happiness. + +I found [this video on happiness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTmixSgeOI0) from a Harvard professor awhile back and really enjoyed it. I thought I would share his tips here with you all! + +We often talk here about being the ""goddess of light and fun"", needing to be in a good mental state before getting into LTRs, and taking responsibility for your own life and happiness. Sometimes it can feel so difficult to know where to start. I hope this guide proves useful. + +&#x200B;",,20,ArkNemesis00,1705988126.0 +RedPillWomen,19d635t,Goals -- A RPW 2024 beginners guide on how to attain them,"If you’re reading this as a follow up to “**A Definitive Guide to Nun Mode:** [**Part 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18jd3tw/a_definitive_guide_to_nun_mode_part_i_an/) and [**Part 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18k43ia/a_definitive_guide_to_nun_mode_part_ii_the_3is/)” or came across this post by recommendation, you can use them together as companion guides for understanding your personal values, setting higher standards, and practicing boundaries both with yourself and others in your life in order to keep a high standard of loving discipline in respect to your life values and goals. + +--- + +**Did you know that [92%](https://medium.com/illumination/study-shows-92-of-people-fail-to-achieve-their-goals-heres-why-89b0a2b2ed05) of people fail to achieve their goals?** + +If you’re here reading this then **you’re likely someone who values growth and personal development**. This is great because it moves you closer to the direction of the 8% of high achievers who do accomplish their life goals and values. + +This post will guide you in setting and achieving value-centered goals. It will nudge you in the direction of taking committed action steps that are not only inspiring but also something that you can look forward to enjoying. + +--- + +Here are some common challenges and obstacles on why people fail to accomplish their goals: + +* Not setting specific goals +* Not dividing goals into smaller tasks +* Not having a system +* Not having a clear plan + +You may have been introduced to the idea of **SMART goals** at some point in your life. Make your goals **S**pecific, **M**easurable, **A**ttainable, **R**elevant, and **T**imed and you can accomplish anything you want. + +***Exciting at first*** because you get a chance to see how you can break down short and long term goals with a process that promises you can achieve any goal you set. Then the reality kicks in. **You actually have a lot of goals and it takes a lot of work making all of them SMART** (and now you’re feeling kind of dumb 🤪 because it’s a lot of work). Then your goals and tasks can quickly begin to feel overwhelming, paralyzing, or in worse cases make you feel hopeless and unmotivated. Don't even let them tell you that you should also be tracking things and adjust your goals based on your how you're doing. + +***No thanks, way too complex***. That ***makes it unactionable*** and I’ll just stick with my to-do list, calendar app, and post a field report on RPW. + +Thankfully, there is a solution in 2024 that is convenient, fast, friendly, and fun. Generative technology. With the wave of AI assistants like ChatGPT, Google Bard, and Bing AI we suddenly and surprisingly ‘have an app for that’ that *'just works'*. + +**All you need is two prompts** in sequence and something like [ChatGPT](https://chat.openai.com/) or [Google Bard](https://bard.google.com/chat): + +1. **“I want to accomplish (insert your goal here), make this into a SMART goal.”** +2. **“Give me a set of tasks that will help me accomplish this goal.”** + +And for those who wish to go the extra mile with beginners level 2 goal prompts, use a combination of these whenever you’re encountering obstacles and challenges: + +* “I’m stuck at step ‘x’ and need help with ‘y’” +* “Break down step ‘x’ with simpler action steps” +* “I’m feeling unmotivated about ‘a’ because ‘b’” +* “ELI5 (then eli18. eli21, or eli30) this to me”. + +From there, you can simply get started with **completing** and **achieving your goals** or **schedule the action step and task into your calendar** with a specific time and place for completion. + +⭐ Don't forget to celebrate, practice gratitude, and reflect on all your wins no matter how small or big. Progress over perfection and process over destination when you're building momentum and getting started. + +--- + + +This beginners guide gives you a process and system where you can set specific goals that are attainable and relevant. Making them measurable and trackable with real time feedback using an AI assistant if you’re not already using an accountability group like RPW field reports or mentorship and trusted friends/coworkers. And have a clear plan that’s scheduled with a time and place between your calendar and to-do list. + +There will be a follow up post “**Goals -- An intermediate guide on how to attain them**” later down the road that will cover motivation and doing what matters (clear about and connected with your life values and able to take and sustain values-guided action), fear of failure and how to move on from them, handling setbacks and mistakes, and learning vs performance objectives and their connection to your mindsets.",,18,FastLifePineapple,1705956935.0 +RedPillWomen,19ddhd0,"Long distance relationships (LDRs): how to vet, and how to close the gap?","Asking more as a hypothetical and not so much seeking personal advice. + +I (23F) have a lot of friends in long distance relationships, and since we’re all in our early twenties, most of them are thinking about how they are concretely going to close the distance. I met someone who lives quite far from me, yet he and I chose NOT to start a relationship until we’d know for sure when and how we’d close the distance.When I told my friends this, they thought this guy and I were crazy for discussing all of this before even deciding to date each other. They told me to just “have fun with him” and see where things go… but I think it makes more logical sense to figure out if the relationship can even progress to anything more than monthly visits by plane. + +What are some ways vetting can be done from a distance, particularly if you are starting out long distance? + +While closing the gap is imperative to the viability of the LDR, under what circumstances would you consider moving for your long distance partner? How do you know when it is time to actually close the gap?",,4,blakelivelynosejob,1705976301.0 +RedPillWomen,19cqsmc,"feeling like a slut and I'm still a virgin, how can I get over it, and does my boyfriend think it too?","I met my boyfriend 4 months ago and we've been together for like 3 months. + +we're long distance and all we ever did was make out then he had to leave for college again. + +in the meantime we got more comfortable worh each other and I we started having webcam sex on or twice a week. + +I think I need to note that I'm a virgin, no one has ever seen me naked before, no one has even even seen me in very revealing clothes before so all of this is very new to me, but I feel comfortable with him and he knows all of that and tells me that now that he has feelings for me, he's glad that no men touched me before. + +we both come from religious conservative backgrounds that insist on purity, but we're not as conservative. + +I stil believe I'm going to wait for marriage but I'm open to try things since sex is more than just penetration, I told him that, he respects that. + +the problem is, I feel like a slut, part of me is the belief that has been instilled in me since birth that only my husband should touch me or see me naked and I fear that my boyfriend believes that too since we come from the same backgroun and will see me as ""less"" because i got too comfortable with my sexuality around him. + +he's amazing and never made me feel objectified once, always tells me I'm beautiful, gets vulnerable with me and opens up to me, mentions me in his future plans assuming we'll still be together years in the future, I have nothing to complain about when it comes to him. + +but I think everyone is judging me for something they don't even know, or I'm probably judging myself and projecting on other people. + +I know this comes off more like a rant but I'm just very frustrated with myself and want some advice on how to navigate this situation.",,14,throwra20035,1705911080.0 +RedPillWomen,19ce6e7,Looking for hard truth,"Thank you I’m advance for taking the time to read this. + +I am single, 29 female. I live alone in an apartment. I was in a car accident and have been living off that, so no work or volunteer. I’m not feminine whatsoever, my energy is very masculine. Been diagnosed with a plethora of mental illnesses, BPD being most obvious. But to be honest I’ve looked at cluster B diagnoses and I could easily fit all of them. + +I don’t cook or keep up with cleaning, I’m really bad at cooking there is no love involved whatsoever, and my eating is pretty disordered. Dressing myself is really hard in that I never know what is appropriate to wear without drawing too much attention. + +All of my relationships are extremely troublesome, I’m sure for others even more than me though of course it is me who is isolated. I have pushed every single person out of my life by my bad behaviour. I think I don’t make people feel good at all. + +Basically I do not take responsibility for my life whatsoever and chose instead to blame everyone else for my problems, which makes them 10x worse. + +I’m selfish to the core. I’ve noticed that praying for people without telling them helps keep me in the moment and feeling connected to others when they aren’t there. I am very open to any suggestions. I’ve been healing since 25 and I may be missing something. + +Update: thanks for the hot tips. Today I woke up reasonable, did a gym , cooked cleaned . Turns out I was incredibly depressed and needed meds",,12,Mobile-Ad-8925,1705872144.0 +RedPillWomen,19blznk,The Empowered Wife-Question,"My husband and I went through a very serious separation and divorce filing last year. I initiated it. The night before we were to turn in the final decree, I got cold feet. We have 3 kids. And I thought, if only for them, I should try again. + +I’ve been researching and asking around about how to get out of this hole my husband and I are in. I’m already in a community of like minded women, so Laura’s book was recommended to me. + +I’ve started reading it and implementing The Skills. For years I blamed my husband for everything, just like Laura says. I held so much resentment towards him for not being what I needed him to be. But wow… I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face. I have done every single thing Laura has outlined in this book. + +My husband hasn’t ever gotten angry with me or even fought with me. But I feel like I’ve made him extremely submissive. Not on purpose, he just does whatever I ask whenever I ask without any input from himself. I didn’t realize I was being so controlling. He didn’t even fight me when I filed for divorce. + +So now I’m letting it all go. Letting go of all my control. Today is my first day, and I feel a lot of relief. Relief that my marriage is going to improve and also relief that my husband is not the issue. I know it’s me now and I know that I can change myself. + +My biggest question is-How do I apologize when I’ve been disrespectful, for small things. This sounds so stupid. I can apologize when I’ve been outwardly disrespectful, like raising my voice or being a jerk. But I feel like he’d think it’s dumb for apologizing for minute things because I’ve made him so submissive to me. + +For example, today he told our son (2yo) not to bring a toy in the car and I said I think it’s fine. As soon as the words left my mouth I realized I had disrespected his authority as a father. He didn’t even care, he just said “okay” and off we went. + +How should I have apologized for that? I’m scared he’s going to look at me like I have 3 heads because he doesn’t even question me anymore. And I know the point is to be vulnerable. But it’s scary. Help me!",,42,4_neenondy,1705784991.0 +RedPillWomen,19bipek,Deal Makers and Deal Breakers,"Wanted to open a quick discussion post on the deal makers and deal breakers that allows you to capture a man’s heart. + +These ideas come from various discussions I’ve had with different men in the redpill spaces on the common themes men share around things we considered relationship deal breakers. Quick thanks to u/redpilldad and u/VasiliyZaitzev for helping me organize and think over some of these ideas more recently. + +--- + +**Deal Breakers** +- + +Men can state things like camping and hiking, colored hair, tattoos, n count, and a myriad of other things that can be relationship deal breakers, but all of these requirements and asks can be summarized down to 3 familiar themes. + +The **3D Rules**: + +* Disrespect +* Disruption to a man's life +* Disloyalty + +Complexity is the enemy of execution. If you’ve ever been caught in ['The Crazy Cycle'](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8cnh7l/for_women_only_respect_and_love_chapter_2/) with your relationship partner, consider if you’re breaking one of the 3d rules. + + + +As an example Vas mentioned there’s subtle ways that men can feel they’re being disrespected or feel a partner is being disloyal, but their partner feels that they’re actually being loving and attempting connection/keeping harmony: + +> Ex. women do not always like how men talk to each other in that women prefer things calm, whereas men may strenuously debate a point. It has been my observation that in such situations, one guy's wife/gf will interject on behalf of the other guy, because she likes things calm and her man is the one she has influence with. + +> I and a couple I know were visiting a mutual friend in Virginia. The host and the wife were old HS friends (I knew him, but just to say 'hi' to in the halls), so they had their convo and the husband and I had ours. We got into it (all fair play) on some or other political point (mass immigration as I recall) and it got heated but not in a bad way. The wife looked over and asked if everything was ok, and I replied, ""Everything is fine; we are just talking as men do,"" and she replied ok and went back to her convo. She had the presence of mind to ask, rather than interject. + +Men will typically feel elements of disrespect and disloyalty from their partner when their woman sides with the other partner, despite these conversation being typical ways of male bonding through heated discussions, thinking that they're restoring loving connection by keeping harmony. I've seen this pattern with friend's wives when there's minor discussions like baseball and comparative sports late at night and in other situations. [For Women Only](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8cndeb/for_women_only_i_read_books_so_you_dont_have_to/) goes into more details on the different ways men and women see disrespect and love communicated at cross with each other. + +**Deal Makers** +- + +On the other hand, if you’ve been a regular reader and have been practicing girl game from the redpill perspective, it’s likely that you’ve already been making some of the most important deal makers: + +* [Respect](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8cnh7l/for_women_only_respect_and_love_chapter_2/) +* [Support](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pkl7hr/how_to_bring_down_a_hero/) (How to bring a hero down by CountThebees) +* Loyalty + +These are the visions of excellence and the [diamond rule](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13ko51i/deleted_by_user/jkmuvvt/) treatment as RPD would call it. Behaviors within your control that you can take action and dramatically improve your relationships. + +--- + +Think back to a moment when you knew you had a man's heart locked in. What did you do right? What was something that definitely went wrong? Let's discuss the personal deal makers and breakers that you've found pivotal in relationships.",,20,free_breakfast_,1705776438.0 +RedPillWomen,19asu4z,Be pleasant + Allow yourself to be led + VET + Look your best + be affectionate,"I found RPW in early 2022 and it has 100% changed my life. I used to be hyper independent and thought that I did not want a relationship. Once I found this community, I became totally dedicated and read everything I could find. + +My favorite was going back to the old posts on theory and reading everything on the wiki page. I also read some of recommended books - Fascinating Womanhood, For All Women, Marry Him. + +Now, I’m about to be engaged with the man of my dreams who treats me like a queen, and I have an incredible loving and happy relationship. + +I just wanted to come here and share some of the things that I believe changed my life the most and got me here. This is nothing that hasn’t been said hundreds of times on this sub, but I just wanted to make a post about my experience! + +1. Be pleasant. In my observations, men envy other men whose girlfriends/wives are happy and pleasant and sweet. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have boundaries and should be a pushover and ignore your feelings. It means that you should never direct your anger or stress about life towards your man. If you are upset, say that you are upset and hurt, but do not get short with him or rude. Sometimes when I have a negative thought that I want to express to him, I change it around in my mind to become a pleasant one. For example, if I have a negative thought such as, “I hate my job,” I could instead express to him: “I’m so grateful I get to come home to you after a stressful day at work.” This keeps the tone of our relationship positive instead of bringing negativity. If you do have a moment of weakness (it’s ok, we’re only human) and let out your negative emotions on your man and are short with him, make sure that you catch yourself quickly and apologize and say something nice to him. A huge part of being pleasant is making sure you’re happy and comfortable with yourself, so make sure to do things that make you happy, whatever that is (yoga, hobbies, spend time with friends, etc.). + +2. Allow him to lead you. This one is big. Empower your man to be the leader that you want. When he does take action to lead you, express how grateful you are and how happy it makes you when he takes charge and takes care of things. Tell him that you love how much he takes care of you and makes your life easier. Never criticize him. It makes him feel like crap and he will stop trying to do things for you/lead you. Don’t try to control him and mother him. If you think that he’s doing something wrong or if you think that you know better way of doing things, then just let him make his own mistakes. If you give up this control, he will likely show you that he is way more capable than you ever expected! I think that a big part for me about allowing myself to be led, is to STFU. just STFU! Keep it to yourself, and you will give him the room to lead and you can relax and enjoy it. :) + +3. VET VET VET!! Read the vetting series on here, and then read it 5 more times. And read it every time you meet a new man and are interested. Just because you have a connection with someone doesn’t mean that they are the one for you. You need to make sure they will be a good long term partner and you need to know what to look for. None of these skills will help if you choose a bad partner. + +4. Look your best. Men loving having a beautiful woman on their arm. Do what you can to improve your looks, and it will make a difference. Get your eyebrows done (micro blading is great), do your lashes (perm), dress for your body type, do your hair nicely (even if it’s just a slick back bun), and put on a bit of makeup when you go out, and obviously watch your weight. I really liked the looksmaxxing info that I could find on Reddit, and gave me ideas on how to look my best. + +5. Be affectionate. This is another HUGE one. Keep your sex life exciting and spontaneous and make your partner feel that he couldn’t get better sex with anyone else! Be excited about participating in sex, and give him kisses and hugs often and unexpectedly. Be open to new things and accepting of his desires. I know this one is controversial for people — but I rarely rarely ever reject my partner for sex. And he has expressed how much he appreciates and loves this about me. You should never do something you are uncomfortable with, but you should find a man that you do want to be sexual with! This one is key. If a man is going to commit to you, he is giving up having sex with other people, and you’re his only source. Therefore, you need to provide this to him (unless there are medical reasons, etc.) + +Long post, but thanks for reading. I love this community so much, and like I said, it changed my life. So I wanted to give back and hopefully help some other ladies out there that are looking for their dream man ❤️",,84,Exstntial-strawberry,1705696014.0 +RedPillWomen,19b4vxg,6 years of hard work,"I just want to put something positive out here. I just joined this group… I’m 25, my boyfriend is 27. The 23rd will mark 6 years together. We have had a many lifetimes of ups and downs. Learning about what Love really means. Making the choice everyday. Working on being selfless. I’m trying so hard to learn what unconditional means and when conditional is healthy. The balancing act of a relationship where I want to be more submissive but was raised masculine and the truth of how difficult it is to let go of control and put all my trust in his character and his choices. I yearn to be his soft comforting home in this chaotic world! We are going through a tough time…he works solely off commission. He is strong, capable, aware of his inner and outer world, fearless, a risk taker but warm and grounding and yearns to provide for his family and truly embody the role of the man. A protector and a provider. I’m so proud of how much he has grown from meeting him at 21. We love. We fight. It’s a mix of every emotion but we both have so much joy and excitement for our future.. we are grateful for what we have here and know it will only get better.",,14,[deleted],1705730358.0 +RedPillWomen,19au1a5,New to Red Pill,"I'm new to this community and looking for book recommendations to learn more about it. So any advice would be lovely 😍 +Thank you in advance ☺️",,6,Ok_Bee_8495,1705699054.0 +RedPillWomen,19abkwv,Where to find affordable traditional clothing?,"Not new to the community but new to the sub/Reddit in general. + Embarrassingly I’ve always dressed kind of boyish because of general insecurity/ and I’ve always been pretty smart with money because of a hard upbringing and can never force myself to spend money on nice things for myself. + Recently my boyfriend has gotten a new job and has offered to get me some new clothes (I guess I’ve been complaining a little) but I don’t wanna go for the same, “safe”, unflattering clothes I’ve been wearing since early childhood. I’d really like some simple dresses/ more feminine clothing in general. + We are young and on a budget and I would at least like to get a couple things which isn’t working when a HOUSE DRESS is 200$+ dollars o.o like I might as well buy a sewing machine. + For reference I’m around 5”, S/M US size usually, want them to be at least somewhat flattering but I will be moving around the house in them.",,17,Low-Whole-2431,1705641991.0 +RedPillWomen,19a8lxf,Confused about hobbies and vacations that provider high value men like,"I'm 24F and been following the rpw since a couple of weeks now. It helps that I sort of immediately resonated with most of the ideas and realized where I come up short too. I'm currently in hard nun mode too as I'm obese, recently recovering from childhood trauma and need to find hobbies/friends etc. + +It so happens that I work in a software engineering field with a lot of such high value provider males in my office. While before I bemoaned the fact that there weren't any women on my floor to be friends with - I started viewing it differently and now I actually am happy to be surrounded by such men because I can easily learn from their lives with their wives and partners and what they look for generally, I can also see how ever since I started tapping more into my feminine energy from my predisposed masculine engineering energy I can sense them being more courteous and chivalrous with me unlike in engineering school where most male classmates disliked me and I had a series of feminine men relationships instead + +Its just that most of these provider men at my workplace seem obsessed with trekking and hiking and camp trips. Up until now I've never really been able to travel since I come from a lower middle class background and was busy paying off student debt. I would love to travel someday though but when I imagine vacations I think of pleasurable ones like beaches or pretty islands or romantic cities not wilderness and forests ugh + +Am I wrong in thinking the latter just feels too masculine? For a feminine woman to enjoy? How do I go about attracting men who are high value and wouldn't dismiss me for not enjoying similar excursions? I worry about dismissal because theres a guy I like very very much and though he won't admit it probably cos I'm fat I know he is rather emotionally attached to me too and often asks me questions about my life but he seemed rather disappointed when I didn't react favourably to his hike in the wilderness that brought him great joy apparently + +I'm really confused and would love to know how other rpw women have handled relationships with similar men or even have any recommendations for shared hobbies etc",,18,lilac-dream-girl,1705632624.0 +RedPillWomen,19a4lrr,I'm starting to resent my boyfriend,"Hello everyone, + +I'm 21F, and my boyfriend is 20M. We have a very loving relationship. He is my first boyfriend. A little background on my bf: he had a very abusive upbringing, and has been living with his friends family ever since graduating high school. He has also been unemployed for almost a year now. He has no savings, no car, no drivers license, and no money. He is pretty much a NEET right now. + +I'm currently unemployed as well, and the last job I had was in April of last year. I'm in university though, and going to graduate next year with a degree in mechanical engineering. I'm putting all of my energy into doing well at school so I can land a nice paid internship. + +Gift giving is my love langauge. So far, I've paid for every meal we've eaten together outside, I've bought him expensive presents for important events like his birthday (I've probably spent close to $1000 on him so far), taken him to a concert, got him weed (I know this community might disapprove of that). + +I never have expected anything back, and I truly enjoy giving him presents. He has also got me presents on my birthday and few steam games here and there. He didn't get me anything for christmas though, not even a card. + +So here lies the problem. Over the past few months, I've been encouraging him to get a job, but I'm afraid if it comes off as pushy/annoying. He has been selling his belongings for money, but ends up blowing said money on weed, video games, etc, instead of saving it for a drivers license or college application (I've been trying to get him to apply for college). + +I've also been observing how some women get so spoiled by their partners (it doesn't need to be expensive, even a handmade card would deeply touch me). + + I've never really felt spoilt or taken care of, and I kind of crave that feeling, but I'm also riddled with guilt. I was raised by a single mom who told me everyday to never rely on a man/anyone, and that being financially independent is what's best for me. + +I've never once demanded anything from my bf, and don't want to either. I know I should not be looking at social media and comparing my relationship to others, but it's causing me to resent him for being jobless and lacking ambition. + +I have such big plans for OUR future. I'm trying to do my best at university, and hopefully get me a good job, and I won't have to worry about finances. I wish he shared this ambition and at least tried looking for a job. + +I want to know if I'm being materialistic/superficial. I just want to be taken care of. I've lived most of my life knowing that I only have myself to depend on, and I want to feel how it feels to put that trust into another person.",,15,4cidb4th,1705621353.0 +RedPillWomen,19axcna,"My husband makes over 400k a year, I dont work and we split all the chores","I didnt follow any of the red pill rules. But i wonder what your thinking is - why it works for us in that way? maybe I am doing red pill stuff and don't know it? I am attractive, dress well and thin - that's about it. I am NOT super hot, I am pretty. + +I have a fun personality but other than that, I dont like to cook, I dont do laundry and we split all the chores. My husband worships the ground I walk on. He is attractive, 6'2 and funny. He isnt perfect but he is so kind and loving to me. He doesn't care if I work since he makes enough money. He bought a house before we were together and then put my name on it. I am a liberal woman who has strong opinions. Some weeks go by where I look disheveled or not cute, he still loves me and is nice. It can work a lot of different ways. + +This is why I think it worked for us: + +1. When I met him I was really confident and in a solid place in my life. Not really looking for marriage or money. I had my own job and he pursued me a bit more than I pursued him. I was kind of take it or leave it because I just got out of a big relationship. +2. I was vulnerable. We talked about our feelings, I let him relax and be himself. He didnt have to wear masks or preform. At times, I gave him lots of space and that's because I had a big life. +3. I supported his emotional growth. I pushed him to look inward, I loved him for who he really was - not who he thought he should be. He was eternally grateful for this. +4. I am completely myself and I love myself. At the end of the day, I was kind of like 'this is who I am, it probably wont change much but if you dont want it ok - if you do - great'! +5. I would not move in with him unless marriage was on the table within a year. +6. I hated working and he saw how miserable I was at my job. Since he made so much, he wanted me to leave. +7. He enjoys caretaking and treating me like a pricesses. I guess it's just what he's into and I can be kinda spoiled and for whatever weird reason, that is a turn on for him. +8. I offer a lot of love and warmth. I always tell him how grateful I am, how happy I am. How much he provides for me and how much it means to me. +9. We laugh ALL the time, I am pretty light hearted and playful (when Im not going through some random mental spiral) and we joke around a lot +10. I make him feel wanted and needed. I told him he has made me too soft and I cant go be on my own anymore and he laughs at that idea. (which is probably only half true) + +Those are the things that I think contributed to our current situation.",,0,Mother-Grand-8608,1705707392.0 +RedPillWomen,19aucfk,What do you consider rich and what do you consider wealthy?,Is rich 200k a year? 300k? 400k? ( living in a city) Is wealthy 1 million net worth? 2? 3? Curious about what everyone considers rich/wealthy. Also curious about what you all are looking for in terms of salary. ,,0,Applepiessky,1705699845.0 +RedPillWomen,199id03,Got pregnant and shouted at husband,"When I got pregnant last year I was having triplets with a huge stress running on my mind. At that point my partner brought up sex and said we needed to address his needs may be try something new like a threesome. I got mad and yelled at him for being inconsiderate about my feelings and only thinking about his needs. Now we a year later with healthy babies, he still doesn't initiate or ask about being intimate with me. We have not had sex in a year. Feels like I have shut him out completely, how do I mend this? + + +Edit- thanks to everyone for your valuable inputs, I think I want to layout a few facts just to provide more clarity. +So me and my partner are over 40 and both of us are first time parents, have know each other over 2 years. My partner has been amazing in taking care of me during pregnancy. He believes in open communication, both of us have spoken about sex very openly, be it threesomes, sex toys or anyother fetish we may have. As a partner I am lucky to have him, he is always trying to make my life better, he has always proactively managed date nights, movie nights, having friends over, he even pulled off a surprise baby shower for me. We were sexually very active till we got pregnant, having triplets and two threatened abortions, the doctor put me on bed rest and I was emotionally very disturbed. May be the hormones and the stress with multiple pregnancy made me very intense with emotional outbursts often. I couldn't handle the open communication from my partner about his needs back then, and I felt insecure as well. He has been nothing but patient with me throughout the pregnancy, I didn't initiate sex with him as well. He has never made me feel guilty for my comments, either with sex or with any other topic. Whenever we argued he would try to reason with me, he always said one thing,"" if I'm not doing what you expect of me, please tell me, and I'll work on myself."" +He jokingly mentions that it's been ages since we passionately kissed or made out. After a year through my pregnancy when my babies are 3 months old is when I started to realise that he must be missing sex, and please note even now he has not pushed me away when I'm near him cuddling or pecking. +I hear all of your comments about working on my communication and will be more open with him about his needs. Thanks all for taking time to explain. ",,40,Grouchy-Patience-442,1705554873.0 +RedPillWomen,199tyih,How Do You Recover from Not Being a Virgin?,"I keep seeing everywhere on reddit about guys breaking up with or shaming their girlfriends for not being pure enough. For being ""run through"" (which is any number of sexual partners more than 1) + +If you have more than 1 sexual partners should you just give up on finding someone who finds you ""pure enough"" to value seriously? + +I have only had a small amount, no double digits, no one night stands, mostly because I thought relationships would last when they didn't...but now I feel like my body is ruined and most men would think so too. + +Because even though guys say they don't care, all the stories I see on Reddit seem to indicate that they actually do. + +What to do? Perhaps give up? + +EDIT: Thanks everyone! Your comments have helped me feel better. ",,2,[deleted],1705595047.0 +RedPillWomen,198whlg,Wish he was more independent.,"My boyfriend and I Iive together. He doesn’t have much of a social life, which is okay, but the problem is that he heavily relies on me for entertainment/ stimuli /whatever. Sure we’re friends, but I have my own life and interests. + + I’d be doing the dishes and he’ll just pace back and forth next to me, I’ll go into the bedroom to change the sheets, then he’ll follow me and continue pacing back and forth. Like help me out if you’re bored. + +I’d be in my own room, and he’ll constantly barge in every 30 minute, sometimes just to fuck with me cause he’s bored. I feel like I can’t relax. + +Like do you have no purpose? What is this?",,25,AdministrationOk3971,1705497933.0 +RedPillWomen,198xh73,Years have gone by and I still think about my high school boyfriend," +I’m 30 and married with two kids but for some reason I sometimes have nonstop thoughts about an old high school boyfriend. I’ve dated other people after and before my now husband. We stayed kinda friendly after we broke up and talked a lot more often probably up until me and my now husband had been dating for a year or two. We eventually stopped being friends as life took us on different paths but remained on good terms. For the most part as time went on I eventually didn’t ever think about him anymore but sometimes I just can’t get him out of my head. Probably like once a year. I start rereading old fb messages and stalking his socials to see what he’s up to. Like I’m talking intense thoughts I can’t shake. Just wondering what he’s up to how he’s doing etc (nothing sexual) .. I contemplate reaching out to say hi for days and and at times I have, we briefly just catch up. And then we don’t talk again. And he’s out of my mind. +I have no desire to be with him again and no desire to break up my family. I really want to move past this and don’t want to disrupt my life or his. + +I posted in an another Reddit thread and they said I was alpha widowed. Which I never heard of before and after looking it up doesn’t really relate to the situation + +Tik tok is convinced it’s the sentimentality and nostalgia of a first boyfriend and I’m just romanticizing the purest most vulnerable version of my self.",,19,Fit-Welcome2277,1705500836.0 +RedPillWomen,198xqx6,How do you detach your emotional state from your partners?,"If you spend a lot of time with your partner, how do you 'be the peace', stay feminine, etc when your man is stressed out or angry at often with work/life stress.",,14,CharacterOrdinary551,1705501585.0 +RedPillWomen,1984l4q,Getting commitment after sex,"Hi RPW! I would love to hear from everyone here about the following: + +Ladies who had sex first before commitment, please share when you were intimate and what are some things you did to help you get commitment ranging from boyfriend/girlfriend, engagement, married, or all the above. Please also include the timeline from one stage to the next. + +Similar question for the men who had sex before commitment. How did your girlfriend inspire you to want to commit to her from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend, engagement, and marriage. + +Thanks in advance!",,20,chrissycash,1705416563.0 +RedPillWomen,198jfuy,My ex boyfriend (M25) wants me back (F25),"I had a one year long relationship with my ex, this happened between 2022 and 2023. When we started I didn't know how bad his drug addiction was, his main drugs were alcohol marihuana and clonazepam. He lied about the gravity at the beginning but I soon suffered lots of relapses and promises he couldn't keep. He taught me a lot about the red pill and I started working so hard to make him proud, I went to the gym, started to dress more modestly and even deleted my social media. Nevertheless, I ended the relationship in April last year, I was crushed because I loved him very much but he was very manipulative and made me feel bad about my weight and other things, he was a bit blackpilled in my opinion. Now, 10 months later I sent him a text because I had a bad feeling. He told me he's just gone out of rehab (6 months in), he found God, he went back to school and he's working. We have been in contact for about one month and he's like a whole other person, he has apologized for EVERYTHING and has treated me like a princess. We've only met in person 3 times in person to have hard conversations and everything has gone perfectly. My family is really against me going back with him, but I have a feeling that this could work, mostly because I see real regret in him. I've thought about this and I feel I should wait a few months to see if this is real. I really love him, he's very attractive to me. Any advice is well taken. Thank you",,2,Kind-Bug-6169,1705452959.0 +RedPillWomen,19824tb,Annoying comments from Husband,"Has anyone else seen a reduction in disrespect comments claimed as jokes by becoming more RP? Comments like “make sure to keep using your chapstick” when you mentioned that you’re currently on your cycle. + +I’ve told him before that it annoys me, is a turn off, makes me feel like I’m married to a 15 year old. And last night I said it was disrespectful when he ask if I thought it was funny, because no, I don’t. No woman does. + +He always says “all guys are like this” and “I know, I’m a child”. Obviously my previous attempts to stop this were not the best or they would have worked. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. + +(I do want to note that other than these stupid “jokes” he’s a great man. Takes care of me, provides, he also tells me all the time how much he loves me and is still so excited that I’m his wife, and spoils me.)",,14,Hang_your_halo,1705409276.0 +RedPillWomen,197htx1,A beautiful article about the joys of learning to follow,"I saw this in The Atlantic and I loved it and wanted to share. I love how the idea of following a trustworthy man is mainstreaming after decades of the exhausting Girl Boss era. Don’t get me wrong! I am very much in favor of women pursuing their goals and building a rich and fulfilling life for themselves whether they are in a relationship or not. But it’s high time we recognize that following is a skill, it’s a conversation, and it’s so much fun 🩷 + +Original +https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/01/dance-salsa-relationships/677132/ + +Without paywall +https://archive.ph/ncyZP",,37,Margareydragonslayer,1705347878.0 +RedPillWomen,1983luq,Long distance: 2 months plan,"Hi all, +I have been a follower of redpill for 2 years as is the length of my relationship. We do not live together, but due to a safety situation we moved in together for 2 month. Now for work I have now moved abroad, apart from him, for an additional 2 months. + +I noticed that when we lived together we got along harmoniously, we became warmer, but he started admitting how much he likes to 'follow' me, and he stopped exercising. I know of the natural betafication of men in a long term relationship. Even so, I am trying to understand what I did wrong that put him into more of that follower position. He wasn't like that in the begining. + +What would be the antidote to this? I have two months to live alone, in which only long distance/opposite time zone communication is available to us.",,2,flower_power_g1rl,1705413844.0 +RedPillWomen,19748mr,Dedication to myself and using RPW as a tool changed my life entirely.,"tl;dr: I went from miserable and lost to fast-tracking my dream life and it’s because of this community and my own hard work. + +I found RPW on accident, coming to this group initially to “prove” that the woman who I had learned of its existence from was [insert any number of negative/disparaging beliefs about someone here]. I was 20something, convinced that my miserable situation was the result of literally anything other than my own actions. I had a horrible view of myself, of other women, of men, of the entire world. I was angry and not willing to take a single step toward *changing*, I genuinely had begun to resign myself to what I thought life was going to be forever. What I found was shocking and hard to believe… yet I stayed up way too late that night, reading and thinking. And I kept coming back. And it changed *everything* for me (well, almost everything - I still don’t have any fondness for the woman that got me here, but that’s another story). + +Once I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I couldn’t ignore what I had learned here, it was like a lightbulb came on over my head and I knew exactly what I needed to do. I had to take control, and to do that I had to dig in my heels, admit that I was causing every single one of my problems, and get my sh*t together NOW. + +I came here every night before bed to read posts and advice and learn what it meant to truly love yourself. I realized my anger at the world and my belief that I was doomed/helpless stemmed from unchecked mental health issues; I went to therapy and really committed to healing, started journaling and doing the hard work of looking for my own flaws and improving them. I looked at my dating history and asked myself why I sought out and accepted “relationships” from men who were, simply put, losers who had no respect for me and why I held the belief that I *needed* to fix them no matter the cost. I asked myself what I wanted for my life and my future - and I was *shocked* to realize I had no idea at all. So I took a leap of faith and accepted a perfectly-timed offer from a family member to move across the country and live with them. + +In a new place where I knew no one, I laser-focused on myself; I went into nun-mode, joined a gym (and actually went!), found a skincare routine that worked for me, and started to get a clearer picture of what I wanted and what I was determined to get for my future. It wasn’t easy and I made mistakes, but I learned from them and all the work I was doing in myself paid off as I realized I was able to create/enforce boundaries and let myself walk away from anything that didn’t align with my new found goals. + +I started this journey at 23 years old. I’m now 25 and since finding RPW and using the tools I took from it, I am the best version of myself that I have ever been. I have never felt more beautiful or comfortable in my own body, my skin is clear and I’ve lost 50lbs (now I’m at the lower end of the healthy BMI and am focusing on toning)! I will finish classes and start my career in April, and I start my first “grown up” job in my field this week - a position that will allow me to learn from people further along than me and give me a huge headstart when school ends. I just bought my first car and am in the process of getting debt-free after years of being financially unstable and irresponsible. And the cherry on top? Along the way I met the most wonderful man who never makes me doubt myself, who loves me and supports me in a way I didn’t know happened outside of fiction, and who fully embodies what it means to be a strong and worthy Captain - and we just started looking at engagement rings. + +I’ve been thinking about making this post for weeks, and tonight I was so full of gratitude and pride in how far I’ve come that I finally did it. I couldn’t have done this without the advice, tough love, and support of the RPW community. This post is partially to celebrate myself, but more than that this post is a LOUD and EMPHATIC *THANK YOU!!!!!* to this community that I cannot mean more sincerely. + +If you’ve read this far, I appreciate you. If you’re reading this and you relate - I believe in you. You are worth the effort it takes to create your dream life, and you are in the right place to learn how to do it. :)",,62,amityjeanklein,1705308676.0 +RedPillWomen,197lr5x,Should I cancel the date?," +After a year of dating break,I matched with a guy in my city on 16 December 2023. +The chat convos was flowing greatly.He was curious and did take into account my bio, hobbies and pictures. No sexual talk. +We have common hobbies. He lives 21 km (13 miles away). + +He asked me out two days later ( 18th). +I told him I am intrested but I was away for three weeks and we should pick it up in January. + +He reached out on 4th January and asked me if I am still Intrested on a date.I gave him my availability day and time. He wasn't available on the date I proposed. He proposed a different date tomorrow ( Tuesday 16th January) after work. + +The activity was to go to a gallery in my city. Instead of choosing one, he said I should propose something. I love art, had pictures on my bio in galleries, we talked about it BUT I felt weird having to check through which museum is open and what they are showing. It feels like I planned the date something I have never done before. + +We agreed on 7th January the day, time , location and activity.Since then I haven't heard from him. We are still in the app.He doesn't have my number. + +The date will be 45 minutes since the gallery closes and earlier wasn't possible based on both of our work schedule. He is aware of this. + +He hasn't reconfirmed, not proposed he has reserved anything afterwards, not asked how I plan to get there. + +Am I overreacting by thinking of not showing up and not giving him a heads up that I will not show up?",,0,Proper_Imagination94,1705356997.0 +RedPillWomen,195uu50,Why is the answer to almost every relationship advice post on Reddit “leave them”?,"Almost every time I see a post asking about relationship advice (concerning couples), I come across the same type of answers like “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”, “this is clearly a sign of abuse and they will continue abusing you”, or “you should 100% leave them, save yourself”. These answers are very frequent, even when the problem is apparently not incredibly serious. + +Why don’t people on Reddit advise on empathy, open conversations, or seeing a therapist and instead seem to consider every issue irreconcilable?",,61,supercalifragiwhat,1705171275.0 +RedPillWomen,195a8yl,Age Gap Relationships?,What is the best age range that a woman in her late 20’s should target?,,11,rightfullyso6744,1705104838.0 +RedPillWomen,1954ngm,How to keep the passion while working from home?,"Hello all, + +I’m 24F and recently got engaged to 33M. We’ve been together about a year and will be moving in together soon (I’m visiting my family atm). + +It’s a long story but we have a business together (How we met) and both work from home. This inevitable as we both have the equipment we need there. We had crazy sexual tension at the beginning as a result of working together but never doing anything and living far from each other. Of course this has gradually dissipated and I get it. However someone else posted today about how she can no longer be turned on by her partner after 10 yrs of a situation similar to mine and I’d like to prevent that. + +Given that he works more than me and I’ll be doing most of the housework, it is inevitable that I’ll spend quite some time at home (as will he since once again he works there). Im terrified that this will burn us out and because im much younger I desire excitement and passion much more than him. I’ve spoken to him about our situation but he’s just said that we are lucky to be able to work from home and be together, that it is what it is, and that he’s not 20 years old anymore (he said that when I told him he’d grow bored). + +Despite that I know this is unhealthy and the reason why we got engaged after less than 1 year is because of the amount of time we’ve spent together resulting in getting to know ea other faster. I don’t do well w the mundane and routines boringness etc so I need advice. + +If I work hard I can have it so that I only have to work from home 4 times a week and can be free the other 3. I also go to the gym almost daily and if I remain focused (ie don’t waste sm time on my phone during the day etc) I can stretch my time there and spend more time outside the house. He recently suggested going to the gym together as it would help our schedule and I said we shouldn’t, but it might be something he ends up doing which isn’t ideal but I can’t control. I only have one friend in his city whom I see every now and then since I’m new to the city but I plan on making more if possible. I’m also planning to join a belly dancing class or some sort of hobby. + +The thing is, this would constitute me being super strict regarding time and not being able to be super relaxed in my own home in order to spend as much time outside of it as possible. Like an inverse scenario basically, where I go outside to relax instead of the opposite. Given that it’s his home and that he works more hours, he’s not very focused on leaving the house except for occasionally meeting people, sports classes, etc (and of course dates but those include both of us). + +We are also trying to spend as little as possible in order to grow financially and have a wedding, so even if I’m free 3 days a week I’d literally have to go to a library or park lol. + +He often says he’s fine w us being together sm and that it doesn’t affect him, but it’s 100% not true as I notice that like any human being, he’s more turned on and passionate when there’s distance and independence. I’ve read Mating in Captivity and Perel explains a lot of this. + +Anyway I’m terrified of ending up in some overly familiar relationship, especially at my age, when he, myself, or both of us are barely turned on by the other and craving other people/new experiences w them. It would be especially hurtful if it was him and I’d def blame myself for not prioritizing my independent life, as up until now I’ve just been home all day lol. + +Tips on making this work? And advice regarding my anxiety of him losing interest towards me and me likewise craving excitement (even if just in life in general)? And how likely is this all even to happen? + +He also got his party days mostly out of his system and wants to focus on our business and future family and doesn’t like adrenaline-like things (ie scuba diving running late at night psychedelic trips etc) whereas I love those things, but he’s not a fan of me doing the latter etc. So I need healthy ways in which to add excitement to my life. + +Any advice would be great, thanks!",,5,Optimal-You-8238,1705090632.0 +RedPillWomen,194lx97,Observing women who married to middle/upper middle class men.,"\*Middle and upper class men, sorry. + +I had to spend last weekend at a sport center that caters to wealthy children (Hockey, fencing, etc). I watched mothers get out of their(mostly) SUVs with their children, here are some common things I observed about the wealthier women: + +\- Almost none of them looked disheveled, surprisingly. Even while having their hair up. +\- Most of them carried those huge purses, like handbags but huge, instead of backpacks or grocery store bags. It made them look classier. +\- They were all somewhat skinny. Probably not perfectly skinny, but definitely not obese or overweight. +\- I would say about half managed to look stylish as well. + +Also perhaps they made their wealth independently as well, but the above held true for like 85% of the women I saw with children there. I was surprised.",,85,SunflowerSerenade11,1705032768.0 +RedPillWomen,194rhvv,"being afraid of coming off as a gold digger made me unable to receive, help","so it's basically the title, i can't receive anything from a man without being afraid of coming off like a gold digger + +my boyfriend, who I recently got together with, is coming home from a trip and is asking me for which skincare products I want him to get me, because he noticed I liked a post about girls liking when their boyfriends get them self care things. + +I smiled and said thank you, but I feel too uneasy to just tell him what I want, I was just googling ""cheap skin care products"" because I don't want him spending money on me. + +how can I overcome this.",,22,throwra20035,1705053456.0 +RedPillWomen,194llst,How did you master The Art Of STFU?,"How did you master The Art Of STFU? + +I am tired of nagging and criticizing and sighing and having a bad attitude. My husband has had it. Something needs to change because my marriage is suffering. +Please give me all your advice on how you learned to stfu. I don’t just want to be good at it for one or two days. I want it to be a part of who I am, for the benefit of everyone in our family. +I’ve read The Surrendered Wife when we got married but it’s been almost 10 years now and I’ve still so much to work on and improve. + + +*edit:* I just got permanently banned from a motherhood subreddit for posting here.. what is wrong with reddit?",,48,JesusBBackSoon,1705031767.0 +RedPillWomen,194hv1p,Not turned on,"Has anyone else experienced not being turned on by their man? We’ve been together for almost 10 years and I don’t get turned on anymore. I’ve communicated to him how I want to be touched to be turned on and he took the advice. But when he does what I ask, it feels like he’s trying too hard and not genuine. I don’t know what to do.",,9,Pink_Pineapple7234,1705020787.0 +RedPillWomen,1946ge8,Cardi B says...,"I don't cook, I don't clean but let me tell you I got this ring... + +...and then you look at the relationship. + +Makes me want to cook and clean lol! + +(Off topic but I found this funny. Not to hate on her relationship drama. A cheating spouse is never funny...but she did choose and advertise this to young women).",,38,AmilliBee,1704992380.0 +RedPillWomen,193js4t,How to RPW a controlling boyfriend,"Hi ladies, as a loving member of this subreddit I have realized the great benefits of our lifestyle. There is an arena in which I wonder how to manouver. + +I have a wonderful traditional boyfriend, and we have great plans for the future in which he will provide and I will get to rear children! + +A little background: my first relationship. We are late teenagers. + +So the thing with traditional men is that they want traditional woman, and fortunately I found the rp before I could make too many mistakes. He was the first one I have slept with, and I was also his first. + +Shortly and bluntly said i find myself being really sad and mad about how controlling he is sometimes. I am fully om board with for example not wearing short skirts, not getting drunk at parties where he isnt and not posting on social media. + +HOWEVER, today I seriously considered leaving him because he made a few comments on my profile picture on Discord. Now for your information I have deleted , by my own accord, Snapchat, TikTok, instagram, Facebook. And I never posted anything anyways. So the picture I have on discord is a picture of my hair from behind. That’s all? But he asked me to switch it because he didn’t want me to get flirted with. + +I’m young and so is he, so I need some older ladies’ advice on what is normal and not. I quite frankly don’t enjoy micro managing my life to avoid being attractive? However I am asking him to be a provider and a leader, and therefore I should go with what he says(?) + +Please ask questions should anything be unclear. And no I’m not going to leave him over this. I just got emotional for a couple sec, but I love him. I just want some guidance.",,19,jiji_sin,1704922257.0 +RedPillWomen,193igfa,Relationship with in-laws,"Hi everyone, hoping to get some outside perspective here regarding family dynamics when being in an LTR. + +My fiancé and I are planning to get married in a year, been together for 4. I didn't have any healthy or positive relationships with my family growing up, so I was hopeful when I found out that my partner comes from a close-knit family. Unfortunately, even after being together so long, I don't really feel liked by them. + +Unlike the stereotype, MIL has been pleasant and easygoing. We aren’t super close but we get along. It's FIL who makes me feel awkward and excluded. He was the SAHP and MIL the breadwinner so I initially thought he was just more attached and protective. + +My fiancé works full-time and I do all the housework and work part-time (will transition to full-time soon). FIL ignores my role and behaves as if my fiancé does everything, especially cooking and baking. All the food I make for family potlucks, the gifts I get people, the way our place is etc. is attributed only to my fiancé. A few times they mentioned being unable to find something (cooking-related), and I either had it or came across it so I brought it over for them. FIL only thanked my fiancé and repeatedly told everyone that his son got him those items he'd spent ages looking for. + +I care about the way I reflect on my fiancé and always strive to make a good impression, but none of the other couples get this from FIL or any other family member. My fiancé doesn't really care about these things - he’s rarely cooked the last few years, the times I stepped back for him to take the lead we've been the only ones showing up with nothing to contribute or no gifts, even though his family gets him multiple things every birthday, and he wouldn't even remember those conversations that FIL would be calling him so thoughtful for. He mostly goes along with it but has spoken up a few times to include me, but FIL still persists. + +When I celebrated a milestone, every time somebody congratulated me at a family event, FIL interrupted to talk about his son's experience. I set up a trip as a gift for my fiancé's birthday, his first comment was “are you gonna have to drive her there?”; I was sitting right there, I drive as well and it was something for both of us. When my family visited us (didn't stay with us) he made the entire thing about his son having to deal with his in-laws, with pointed passive aggressive comments disguised as jokes. + +I know most of this is petty and I mostly stfu about it. I don't see this behaviour with SIL and her partner however, which has made me feel really weird - I do my best to be feminine, classy and a thoughtful, nurturing partner without being coddling and I don’t feel like I’m seen as that. My fiancé says he loves providing for us and taking care of me and he appreciates everything I do. He puts in effort into thoughtful gestures for me even though it's not his forte; I love and appreciate him a lot. + +FIL often tells my fiancé that he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to, was concerned that I'm taking advantage of him, and generally seems to encourage him to be a taker rather than a giver. MIL has similarly let my fiancé do whatever he wanted. My fiancé has grown to be more responsible, confident in his masculine role and generous over the course of our relationship (we were pretty young when we started dating) but I notice subtle changes when we're around them and he visibly becomes more complacent, a bit self-aggrandizing and seems to enjoy being fussed over. Once, he snapped at me in front of his family because he was frustrated about something else and it made me cry. His parents pretended nothing had happened. FIL said that that's how the men in the family were, and that was it. My fiancé apologized in private later, and has never done it again. + +FIL has now been making offhand comments of them living with us, which I'm firmly against and thankfully, my fiancé is not keen either. There were some more petty instances over the holidays and I finally brought it up with my fiancé, who acknowledged that he can see where I'm coming from, but everyone actually loves me and there isn't much we can really do here except speak up in the moment, which he'll do more. He said he'd definitely be on my side and defend me if his parents ever overstepped towards me or our kids. + +I'm trying to have a better understanding of this whole dynamic and the best way to navigate it. I'm not looking to be the center of attention or anything, because everything I do is of my own volition, but my concern is rather with what kind of example we'd be setting for our kids and how this can affect my relationship with my future husband. + +Sorry this got longer than I'd expected; would appreciate RPW’s thoughts. Thank you.",,11,Unoriginalname003,1704919031.0 +RedPillWomen,1934qs3,I (F27) discovered boyfriend's (M27) hidden home videos with his ex; he lied about deleting them. Would you break up?,"Guys, please help me, advise me on what to do. This is the first time I'm writing on Reddit. +I've been in a relationship with a guy for almost two years, and we've been living together for one and a half years. A while ago, in the early stages of our relationship, I asked him if he had ever made home videos before, as we started speaking about making them too. He said that in his previous relationships, he did make home videos but deleted them when they broke up. + +Today, I found those videos on his flash drive. They were loaded onto the flash drive when we had already been living together for four months, and the last time they were viewed was a month ago! I don't know what to do; it hurts so much. Not only did he lie about deleting them, but he also watches them while being in a relationship with me. + +I should mention that I also live in the apartment they moved into together with his ex, who now lives in the neighboring entrance! It's already painful for me, and it feels like her presence is always in the apartment. When we walk down the street, he always looks into her windows. It hurts me, but I haven't talked to him about it because he always twists things or pretends to be joking and denies everything. + +He initiated the breakup with her, and it took a long time before he actually ended things. I know he doesn't want to be with her, but everything constantly reminds me of her, even though he changed the arrangement and all the furniture after the breakup. Now, there are these videos. They were last opened on the day I was at work. + +Can you advise me on what to do? Is this normal? I don't even understand what's normal anymore. What would you do? +Would you break up?",,27,LeadingStudio8342,1704880408.0 +RedPillWomen,192olhq,"Feeling down, What is the point of dating a man?","I am 24 and I'm in my second relationship (engaged, he's 9 yrs older). My last relationship was 4 yrs before (celibate during this time), to a guy my age in college. It started off great but we were both extremely immature, new to the college scene, cheated on each other, hurt each other, and basically destroyed the relationship despite there having been love (or so I believe anyway). My current relationship has been going on for a year, and everything's fine, no cheating or major disrespect (which I would not tolerate, at this point). I've been really lurking these subs and consuming content on relationships for the past few years, b/c I find it fascinating. +In between these 2 relationships I've been totally celibate but went on lots of dates with all sorts of men. I am now engaged like I said and struggling a bit at times. I often feel as if, in a way, relationships are a trap for both genders, but in this post, about women specifically. I feel like women are conditioned from childhood to believe that looks are their greatest asset. Men seem to me completely obsessed and overtaken by women's looks. I've become rather focused on this topic as I do deal w dysmorphia issues myself, but I often watch my brother or partner or dad when they come across a beautiful woman or even a cute young girl. +People in these subs often talk about how a guy is never good enough, and I sympathize with that, believe me, because I myself often struggle with being satisfied. But with women....it feels like we are never good enough. The novelty wears off and you will never be as exciting or attractive as you once were. With porn, OF, escorts, casual hook-ups, what have you, you will never be enough variety. You will age and lose a huge aspect of attraction. Even if you are beautiful now, surely you're lacking something and there's a girl who has that. By ourselves it feels like we are never enough. And all the stories about the cheating behind the wives' back with a new opportunity or even by paying women. They will always want more than what you can offer. +It feels like a huge trap. Like you've been brought up to compete and to make your looks sharp, but this truly only matters in the initial part of a relationship and then (though keeping yourself attractive matters ofc), you cannot compete with the other, newer, different women, etc. +I want to emphasize that my partner doesn't make me feel any of those things. We have sex regularly, he tells me he will always find me attractive so long as I'm decently in shape, has given up porn, etc. If anything, he complains that it's me who's never satisfied with what he does/gives me, which is a HUGE problem that I need to change (currently reading Laura Doyle, thanks to this sub). +I just want to know to what degree these thoughts are in my head due to my own issues and traumas and observations of the world, or to what degree we as women individually can truly never be enough for men and should just give up trying. I am in a small vacation these days and I guess not having much to do has me thinking about this all. +Back in the day, women needed men for literal survival and provision. And while my quality of life has improved lots because of my relationship, I still wonder if it's worth the pain of feeling like I can never be good enough, which I've recognized would happen regardless of who I'm dating. At least while single you're ""out"" of this game. +I know wives are FAR more important to their husbands than their looks, and that men are satisfied more easily, typically, but then again--we are told our whole lives our desirability is what matters most to then have to resign to losing it (to a degree) while in a forever relationship (which I wonder if it's even possible nowadays). +And btw, an open relationship wouldn't solve these feelings personally as if anything it'd just reinforce my ideas and it's just not something I want at this point. +I'd love to hear some thoughts and consolation, if possible. I get accused often of over-focusing on appearances as the most important thing, but God, isn't that the only thing that seems to matter nowadays? And it also feels like men are slaves to this over-sexualized world.",,18,Optimal-You-8238,1704831929.0 +RedPillWomen,191tgyp,Was this inappropriate from fiance or is it in my head?,"Hello all, +Me (24F) and my fiance (33M) recently got engaged after 1 year of dating. We have come visit my country of origin for the holidays and my mom threw a lunch with all of my family. Usually we have the same members but as of recently we have a new ""member"". Without going into much detail she's a distant cousin of mine whom I haven't seen in like 10 years since she just moved here. She's about 28 and had a baby recently, but was having major problems with the baby's dad and they separated for a while (apparently they're back living together now, not sure). +When I last saw this girl she was beautiful and older than me, so I remember her getting lots of male attention (I was still too young) as she had this extremely feminine, sympathetic air to her and I remember admiring her myself and not feeling jealous. However, here's the drama, if you will. I have a brother of my fiance's age who is single. He works a lot and is a bit of a bachelor and would like to find a nice girl. This girl isn't related to him at all as we are half siblings and she's a distant cousin of mine. And given that we are a latin family with a bit of drama, my family told him a while ago that he should try something with her. +Because he's the son of a single mom himself he's like no way, I don't want to raise someone else's child, despite admitting his attraction to her. My fiance had seen her in photos and had told my brother that she was pretty and had heard that she was good at housekeeping (she just moved from a latin country where it's quite typical), and that she seemed like a good girl (he also knows how lonely my brother is). However, eventually everyone left my brother alone about it as she does have a lot of drama with the baby's dad. +I am a good looking, fit girl myself. I struggle with dysmorphia and do use cosmetic injections as it helps me feel better on camera (I'm a full-time youtuber). I'm used to getting lots of attentions and yet I'm deeply insecure about my looks/never feel attractive (a separate issue I need help with) and not going to lie, I was dreading my cousin coming into our family party as I knew she'd cause quite a thing among the guys. +And so she showed up. Waist long dark hair, a tight black dress that showed off her figure (hourglass + boobs, which I lack), a beautiful face with almond eyes, super pretty feminine smile, etc. I couldn't help but compare myself and feel awful knowing my fiance was going to be super into her when he saw her as she is his type (especially being straight from latin america, which I'm not). I was super nice to her ofc, but deep down I wanted to die. +During the lunch I was sitting next to my fiance, and him and my brother were sitting next to her and I could just tell how attracted they both were to her. No comments or flirting, but you can just tell when a man is drawn by a beautiful (and sexy) woman. My fiance was super affectionate with me the whole time and was only being kind to her, so of course I just put up with my own annoyance. +At night, though, in bed we started chatting. He told me that he had told my brother that the girl was clearly easy on the eyes, and that she was into him (my brother), but that she had too much drama and that maybe she didn't want a relationship either and they could try something more casual. Later we were talking about how much I look like my aunt as we both have a big butt, and he remarked (in a joking way) on how my cousin also had one (I guess to emphasize the family thing). And then later he said that how if he were my brother--lonely, without sexual partners--he'd totally be with her. Which of course upset me and we talked about it, and he said that I was right, and that it was just a stupid thing to say, and that he didn't think it through. +I was devastated as dumb as it seems. His attraction to her triggered me deeply and I know it has nothing to do with me, but I couldn't help but feel like shit to the point that I woke up in the middle of the night feeling bad and planning how I'm going to get back at him by telling him when I see I really a hot guy. +My fiance is overall a good man. He works hard, makes an effort to change things that bother me, treats me like a princess, doesn't watch porn or follow IG thots, or any of that. He just doesn't think things through sometimes, especially regarding this topic. It doesn't happen very often at all which is why I've been meaning to let it slide (since I already expressed my discomfort and don't want to seem THAT insecure, as my parents tell me I need to lighten up about things of this sort). +And yet, I feel like shit. I feel super inferior compared to her (which is a ME problem, and probably fabricated on top of that). And just feel like she radiated this sexual energy and like he probably was super attracted to her, and I just feel awful about those comments. I, too, feel that way about other guys but never ever let him know. He also said that in his culture (european, liberal) he felt comfortable saying these things to his ex's and that it was never a big deal, but that with me he'll be more careful. +Should I bring it up again? Or should I learn to deal with these kinds of a things in a ""pick your battles"" sort of way? +Thank you",,10,Optimal-You-8238,1704741864.0 +RedPillWomen,191ysor,Should fat women date?,"I guess this is a question about whether I need soft or hard nun mode. + +5’4”, 176 lbs, ugly-to-mid woman. Not good at makeup, can’t cook, “bad style” (whatever that means) + +But I’m 26 and time is running out.",,6,[deleted],1704754636.0 +RedPillWomen,190x29g,I dont like dating promiscous men,"It seems like I would get scruitinized by red pill men for voicing that. But studies have shown that very promiscous men are more likely to cheat (this is true for women too) and less likely to be happy in a marriage. Its also kind of gross, tho I dont judge anyone who sleeps around as being a ""lower human being"". Its just my preference. The ""fresh and fit"" types are a huge turn off to me. + +Actually this is quiet common and some red pillers tend to ignore that most non promiscous women dont like men that are promiscous. + +""For short-term relationships, men were more willing than women to get involved (although the difference was not large). For long-term relationships, in contrast, there was virtually no sex difference. Thus, contrary to the idea that male promiscuity is tolerated but female promiscuity is not, both sexes expressed equal reluctance to get involved with someone with an overly extensive sexual history."" + +But do women from this sub also have these preferences?",,116,LargeTry88,1704647949.0 +RedPillWomen,190nmeq,i think my bf acts too femininely. opinions on what to do,"recently the guy i’ve been dating for a few months has been annoying me with the way that he acts. i prefer “manly” men so he was out of my type, but he is a very sweet, caring, funny, and smart man. i don’t doubt he loves me and he does a lot for me, i just get the ick from him so much lately. + +1. he complains and constantly needs verbal affirmation. i’m always hearing him ask “babe do you even love me” in a whiny tone or “do you really mean it” when i say i do, or him pouting and saying “you don’t even want to talk to me anymore” whenever i’m slightly busy while talking to him. “why do you even love me” is a popular contestant. it’s really offputting and reminds me of a clingy teenage girl. it’s gotten to the point where i have had to set a restriction for him to ONLY say “do you even love me” TWICE A DAY. and he’s failing so far. + +2. his actions, he likes to put his head on my shoulder or physically act cutesy and i hate it. whenever i shake him off or tell him not to do that, he starts pouting and calling me mean. it drives me crazy when he calls me mean because he says that ALL the time whenever i jokingly insult him. + +3. he’s really sensitive, like he is ALWAYS complaining that i’m mean. for example today he told me he was tired and i told him “then you should sleep. goodnight.” he got upset called me “mean” because obviously that meant he “wanted to talk” to me. ?????? he uses a higher pitched whiny voice when he gets in this mood, which is WAY too often, and i hate it + +4. when we have sex he is more dominant, and i like that, but he keeps insisting that he’s “still cute”. what?? i keep telling him i like him dominant and he’s insistent that he’s cute. it makes me nauseous. + +when he is not acting like this, we are very healthy and he is great at communicating with me. the sex is great. we laugh and have a lot of fun. but i don’t know if i can get past this when this is the other 40% of being with him. + +he makes jokes about being the girlfriend sometimes it literally feels like he is. idk if its past me to do anything about it/talk to him or if i can salvage this. i try acting more femininely but it’s not doing much, i think he enjoys acting this way and idk what to do. would it be beyond me to tell him to “act manlier”?",,39,Useful-Size7567,1704616057.0 +RedPillWomen,1913my0,Anxious newcomer,"(Deleted this post by mistake, here it is again!) + +Hi, guys---22F here, just getting into RPW more seriously. I've been reading up on it for a few months and it really resonates with me. I want intimacy and to find a serious partner to build a future with, but I wanted to ask about N-Counts, as I'm ashamed of mine. + +I know I'm young, but I think I've made a lot of mistakes when it comes to it. I had my fair share of flings towards the tail-end of the pandemic---at the time I had taken a gap year, and so I effectively but unintentionally completely isolated myself for over a year. Coming out of it, I wasn't in the best mindset, especially as I had broken up with my long-term boyfriend of over a year around the start of lockdown due to long-distance. I had casual relationships and I recognize now that it was awful for me. I would end up catching feelings and I wish I had the sense at the time to seek out professional help. I regret that whole time and I wish I could undo it. + +I know I need to face the consequences of my own actions, and I don't want to lie to a future partner about it, either---I can hope that it either wouldn't come up, or that I can decline to share (I know that a man would have every right to not want to pursue me if I don't disclose, which I accept.) I guess what I want to ask is if there is any way I could find a HVM who accepts me despite my mistakes? Is there anything I can do to improve my chances? + +I have been in a full-intentional nun mode for close to three months, focused on improving myself and getting fitter. I know that I'm not owed any man or relationship, but I want a family and someone to love more than anything and I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that I might have messed that up for myself because I didn't think through my actions. + +Thank you for any advice anyone can offer.",,5,bunnybearears,1704664182.0 +RedPillWomen,190bpyv,Feeling betrayed by RedPillWomen.,"I went super hard with RPW & the Surrendered Wife after I got married. I let him take the lead, bore him two babies back to back, cooked him gourmet meals twice a day, offered him blow jobs every day, tried every fantasy he had, everything. He was always low libido which made me sad but I figured it was stress and tried to just be a better wife. + +After the birth of our second baby and a fair amount of sexual rejection, I’m ashamed to admit I looked at his history and found regular porn use stretching back years. I estimated he’d seen 1000 or more naked women in the time since he’d last shown interest in seeing me naked. I was super crushed and hormonal, he felt terrible and after a couple attempts stopped using it, and our sex life improved and is now pretty great, as long as he focuses on just kissing and emotional connection because physically I’m covered with loose skin and stretch marks from pregnancy and he’s admitted it’s a turnoff. I’ve lost all the weight and toned up my body and had a huge glow up - frankly I look hot as hell with clothes on - but nothing I can do will make me look like the tight teenagers that turned him on naked. And even if some surgery could achieve this, what would happen when I start to age? I’m 29 now. + +I reread Fascinating Womanhood and Laura Doyle and more and I tried really hard to just be confident and feel sexy so he’ll think I’m sexy, etc but every time we have sex and he avoids looking at our touching the majority of my body and he closes his eyes and I wonder who he’s thinking about I feel used and cold toward him. I find my attention leaving him and I find myself more interested in other people and life outside my family because it hurts too much to be home with him. I was so devoted to him and our children, family, home, legacy - I sacrificed my body, career, and more and am left with less sexual value. + +I’m sorry but I feel cheated by the RPW approach. It resonated with me and felt so right, but I mistakenly thought my devotion would be enough to keep him smitten with me forever.",,136,Fearless_Room_1970,1704579134.0 +RedPillWomen,190n08t,Realising what kind of a partner I have been,"I am new to RPW and I have spent the last few days reading up and learning what I need to know. This all makes complete sense and resonates completely . I can see how the red pill approach could completely change my relationship. That being said I will now be implementing and living by the red pill approach. + +Since joining this sub reddit I have realised I have a HVM that I have seriously taken for granted. I have nagged for years, been unappreciative and focused on everything he wasn’t doing rather than the many many many things he was doing. He is 17 years older than me and after being together for 6 or 7 years I can now look back and see I have been immature in so many areas. I have also expected so much from him without offering him any reason to want to fulfill these expectations . I have been pretty toxic when I think about it in the sense that I’ve often acted out of insecurity and a need to control and domineer everything. RPW has allowed me to see all the ways I have disrespected and emasculated someone who is actually a great provider and committed too. He owns his home, has a high paying job and has e sure I never go without. He takes me out for dinners and even upgraded my car. When we had a very short break up he kept my two dogs and cared for them as he didn’t want them to be rehomed. He’s a great man and Also I should of learnt STFU like 6 years ago.. On reflection I can see that I haven’t been showing respect or interacting in a way that would hype my man up and make him feel valued. + +From now on I will be dedicated to being a RPW. Any tips or advice for me? I imagine it’s going to take a while to see results/a difference in my man… this is because I think it’s going to take a while for him to be receptive to the approach after years of me being a bratty, entitled, childish bitch. I really need to build him up as a RPW. I am truly ashamed of my behaviour and this subreddit has only just made me aware of it now. + +Also, Do you think I should acknowledge this newfound realisation to him and express my commitment to respect and honouring him? Or not mention it but just change my ways pronto? +I know he has had some hard relationships and has been cheated on and scammed - even had an ex stage all his stuff being stolen for an insurance claim. He has also had exes standing on the driveway loudly degrading him by using his full name and making proclamations about the size of his penis for all of the neighbourhood to hear. He is also a full time father after his baby mamma disappeared when his son was three due to drug addiction. I don’t want to belittle him any further as this seems to be a theme for him in his intimate relationships. Please advise all the ways I can build him up and not be another shit women staining his self esteem and pride.",,21,Imaginary_Cupcake214,1704613557.0 +RedPillWomen,1901m9j,What changes have you seen in your man since RP?,"I’m just curious what long term changes you’ve noticed in him by implementing RP practices. Like does he pay more attention to your needs or get your door more often, small things like that. I know we can only change ourselves, but I’m wondering how that affects his actions.",,24,Hang_your_halo,1704552742.0 +RedPillWomen,190j9jg,Need advice on work relationship,"This is a throw away account, but I (34f) have been coming here to read advice for about 7 years and taken a lot of the philosophy to heart. For sure it helped me win my husband over while we were dating. And also gave me freedom in a lot of ways. + +My husband (37m) and I have been married 5 years. We have two children and an idealic life. I don't have many complaints about my husband. + +We both work at the same company but completely different areas and have been for 3 years. My team is all over the country and I work mostly remotely. There is a man (probably not older than 40) that I have developed a serious crush on that works tangentially with my team. I see him in person once or twice a week. We work well together and he is kind to me. We don't flirt in any sort of traditional manner. But I am drawn to him (and I can tell he is to me) like two magnets. This is attraction is obviously not appropriate as we are both married, and happily married at that! + +I have started looking for another job, but cannot find anything close to what I have now. I am the breadwinner for our house and can't just quit. And I can't avoid my crush at work and still do my job. And even I did quit, my husband would insist on knowing why. What do I say to him if I quit, ""Sorry, I have a crush on this guy. Enjoy working with him while I peace out?"" Pretty sure that would ruin my marriage. + +My feelings have been slowly developing for this guy at work for about two years, so this isn't new. In a few weeks I'm suppose to travel across the country with him and meet the rest of my team for a week. I wouldn't sleep with him or anything like that, but I am feeling guilty about looking forward to the conversations I'll get to have with him. Like it's an indulgence. He values my perspective, treats me with respect, sincerely apologizes when he messes up, and teaches me a lot about our industry. And he shows up. You know the ""if he wanted to he would"" man? This guy is always surprising me by how he's willing to show up without me asking. He matches my passion to go a good job. + +We do have unspoken boundaries: we do not touch, ever. We don't even stand close to each other, unless we have too. We don't text/message each other unless it's about work during working hours. We rarely chat about not work topics unless we are traveling somewhere together. Then we indugle in philosophy and moral discussions. We don't talk about our personal lives that much and we never disparage our spouses. (We rarely mention them, I didnt even know his wife's name for over a year.) So we aren't doing anything wrong, that I can pinpoint. Its just my feelings getting in the way of things and I'm not sure how to fix it. What would you do if you were me?",,3,Anon012024,1704600620.0 +RedPillWomen,18zt2pk,Want kids before 30 but BF wants to wait,"Hi all. I’m 28(F) dating 28(M). We’ve been together 5 months and I asked him a week ago when he sees himself having kids. He’s told me before he wants marriage and a family. + +He said that he doesn’t want to be a young dad, and would want to be in his thirties for his first and be more financially stable and enjoy marriage first before kids. I understand this but ideally would want my first child by at least 30. I said by 33 I want to be a mom, and he said that’s not that far away. + +I have had a miscarriage before in an abusive relationship and want children more than anything, and know it’s more risk the older you get. My miscarriage was due to the stress of the abuse. I’m not established in my career yet due to layoffs and neither is he, so I very much see his point. However I love him very much, feel he is my person, and absolutely adore him and we agree on everything in life. But I don’t know what to do as I want to be a mom more than anything; but don’t want to start having kids mid thirties. + +Thoughts?",,14,snootfly242,1704520870.0 +RedPillWomen,1906t4a,Moving in with boyfriend,"My(28F) boyfriend(27M) wants us to move in +History of us: We met in University, we do Master program. +Become exclusive after 3 months dating ( after my push) +On a break 1 month: I broke up with him cos he does not show enough commitment ( attention, time spend together…). Come back together cos he promised to change +On another break 3 months: I broke up with him cos I wanted to build a relationship towards marriage, but he didnt know what he wanted. We come back because he wants to build up future with me, and get marriage together and have kids +Now, everything comes into stable, I met his family, and he wants me to move in with him. +I love this man, he is a providing, ambitious man, and loves me, always tries his best to please me. Treat me very well. His family is very lovely and likes me too. +However, he just graduates this month, and still considers different job offer. I plan to graduate in Nov. +So I think on Finance sector it is not ok +On Stability of relationship, I realized this man is capable of doing many things and overcome obstacles, however, always needs my little push, I still wait to see his strong Leadership +His apartment, he used to live with his ex 1.3 year ago, and I dont like to move in there +I also expect engagement before moving in + +How to put these argument in a subtle feminine way to encourage him to do more in relationship, and reject the idea of moving in? +( he is Germany, and I am Asian - to add more cultural perspective)",,1,Lopsided-Kale-193,1704566579.0 +RedPillWomen,18zpjk1,At what point does nun mode become redundant?,"I am revisiting RPW at 26, I admittedly have ignored rpw advice for a bit because I thought I was young and had all the time. I'm 26 now and have always dreamed of having a husband and 6 children and I'm getting very worried about my increasing age, especially considering I am NOWHERE NEAR ready to date, I actually need to break something off right now. I have never truly committed to a nun mode despite being advised to many times over by multiple different parties who don't even KNOW each other. I want to finally buckle down and do nun mode, and for as long as I possibly can without being unrealistic for the type of family I aspire to (I worry about running out of time for my body clock during this time I need BADLY to heal and don't want to skimp on this healing whatsoever!)-- even before I approached this time, though, I always wondered at what amount of time does being in nun mode start to backfire because you're not dropping your hankerch. I rven wonder for ""normal"" women who aren't as far gone as me, like 18 year olds or rpw followers of *any* age who have followed an average or more amount of rpw advice in her life, intentionally or not. I know there has to be a certain amount of time that starts to turn into what one would call, ""cat lady"" territory. What should I do for my situation, and what would you advise most rpw to use as the ""cutoff"" for nun mode? I know the wiki says a minimum is 6 months, but there has to be a maximum before you start looking like a, ""I dont need a man"" woman whether you mean to or not, and start sabotaging your future because your sense of allocated time is skewed ",,0,curiousrpwlurker,1704509598.0 +RedPillWomen,18ykqjy,Book Recommendation,"Hello all! There's posts from time to time about women wanting to encourage other women in their life to look into RPW; while that's understandably cautioned against, I'd maybe recommend this book as a subtle entry point. + +[https://www.amazon.com/Foot-Too-Big-Glass-Slipper/dp/1451692668](https://www.amazon.com/Foot-Too-Big-Glass-Slipper/dp/1451692668) + +This is a book by Gabrielle Reece about her marrriage. A lot of the things she suggests are RPW approved, such as cheerfully greeting her husband when he gets home, letting him be a man and lead, and regularly initiating sex. It also talks about the importance of women maintaining their own physical health with exercise and diet. + +Given that this is written by a successful professional athlete, and it isn't openly RP, I think this might be a decent introduction for skeptical friends! I also just really enjoyed reading the book, so I wanted to recommend it to the community. ",,13,Valuable_Place1265,1704394505.0 +RedPillWomen,18yll0e,Is it normal to struggle at implementing RPW tools?,"I've discovered RPW in the past couple of months and I've been working on implementing its tools with mixed results. I've done much better than before thanks to it, but I am still having points where I'm a shrew like my mother was before I catch myself. It came to a head last night when I held in my feelings too long and blew up at him, disrespecting him and doing the opposite of bringing his life peace. + +I'm feeling discouraged and am wondering if it's normal to not succeed at implementing RPW tools at first.",,9,JustAnotherBoymoder,1704396575.0 +RedPillWomen,18yj0d8,3 Act Journey,"A few recent posts from younger women got me thinking about a woman's journey regarding relationships. The choices one makes can profoundly alter one's path in life. I found it challenging to conceptualize, having never been a woman. Though most of us experience a relatively pedestrian journey, the 'choices in love' we make as we enter adulthood can alter our trajectory in life. + +Here's a classic formula for a 3 Act storyline. + +* Act 1 – Rise to Prominence +* Act 2 – Fall From Grace +* Act 3 – Redemption - Return to Glory + +The story of Apple’s Steve Jobs follows this classic 3 Act formula. His meteoric rise at a youthful age was followed by an equally spectacular fall from grace as a consequence of his hubris. Finally, after years of toiling in exile, he redeemed himself (with Pixar) and regained leadership of his beloved Apple. In heroic fashion, he took it from the brink of disaster to spectacular market domination. His death at the peak of Apple's success solidified his legacy as a legendary business icon. + +Relationships can follow this pattern... + +* Act 1 - Burning Desire +* Act 2 - Honeymoon's Over - higher friction, lower heat. +* Act 3 - Love Grows + +Relationships often fail to launch or fizzle out in Act 2. + +The coming-of-age journey of a woman can also follow this 3 Act pattern. + +**Act 1:** Her 'hot babe in the spotlight' years. Youthful beauty is honey to a bee for a man. Her desirability opens her up to a world of possibilities, some of which can be corruptive. + +*""Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.""* \~ John Ray + +By choice or circumstances, some women never enjoyed much of an Act 1 'hot girl' lifestyle, which might be a blessing in disguise. Others will try to sustain the Act 1 spotlight for as long as possible. These days, with the widespread use of social media platforms, this Act 1 stage can be prominent and prolonged. + +**Act 2:** She gets dragged down, maybe by outside forces, maybe by questionable choices, maybe by pride, maybe by her femininity and modesty being tossed aside. She spirals downwards instead of rising higher. + +The hero's journey involves two parallel storylines – a series of external challenges as well as internal struggles regarding personal character. It's the internal journey that matters most. Overcoming adversity and becoming a better person makes for a very compelling story. + +Some women languish in Act 2. Maybe they've had the deck stacked against them their entire life. Maybe they had everything going for them and still managed to fall spectacularly to the temptations of a hedonistic, self-indulgent lifestyle. Some get stuck in a victim storyline and eventually become miserable crabs in a bucket who resent those enjoying Act 1 or 3. Disillusioned, embittered, hardened. + +Transitioning from Act 2 to 3 is the challenge. Some fail to turn themselves around because it's so much easier to go with the flow, play the victim or deny any flaws out of social and emotional self-preservation. + +**Act 3:** She rises back up to become a remarkable woman. She finds a remarkable man and builds a family and life together. Not that family life is the only available happy ending. + +Some women make the full journey to reach Act 3, with some of them eventually rising far higher than those who have never suffered a humbling fall from grace. Some have avoided the pitfalls of Act 1 and 2, but are stuck waiting for their Act 3 to commence. Some slide effortlessly into Act 3, without spending any lost years 'finding themselves'. + +Does a profound and prolonged Act 1 strongly correlate to a profound and prolonged Act 2? A hard partying lifestyle can certainly corrupt. Not everyone reaches age 30 having aged well, especially in terms of character. + +In my experience, most people tend to lead relatively pedestrian lives without dramatic downturns. However, that was prior to social media. Everything has changed. Some women see themselves as stars of their own Kardashian-esque movie saga. Chances are we'll see more women getting mired in Act 2 as they suffer the consequences of their indulgent choices and princess egos. + +How does a career factor into this? It's a slow grind upwards to higher levels of grind. Lots of adversity and growth. Some make this their primary journey. Family isn't for everyone. + +What's your take on this? Have you experienced any dark chapters in your journey? Did you have the benefit of strong mentors or role models to help you avoid learning things the hard way? Do you know any people who have experienced a dramatic fall from grace?",,11,RedPillDad,1704390308.0 +RedPillWomen,18y6f4i,Want kids but bf is poor,"I’m 35F and running out of time to have kids. My bf is red pilled, sweet, fun, smart, loyal, and sexually attractive. The only problem is I make more money than he does. He works but he’s in a dead end job. Ugh I hate it so much. It makes me feel manly. He hates it too and feels emasculated. We don’t talk about it a lot bc it’s such a sore subject. Should I cut my losses and run? Or try to “inspire” him via “feminine energy” to find a new career field?",,43,ColeIsBae,1704349765.0 +RedPillWomen,18y1caq,Do any other new comers feel 'silly'?,"Over the past 2 years or so I've been slowly transitioning to looking more feminine (acting more feminine is still a work in progress), but now that ive found red pill ideology i cant help but feel a bit silly that I even want to implement these tactics to become a ""better"" woman/partner + +I wouldnt say i was ever blue pill necessarily, but i do come from years of the mindset that I am good enough just the way I am, and if a man cant accept that then he isnt the right man for me + +Im sure there is some truth to this statement but the 'way i was' included no makeup, lazy clothes, masculine behaviors, very little attention on finer details like shaving or nails, ""who am i dressing up for"", etc. Obviously i was not attracting good quality men + +So here i am looking for ways to improve myself but I feel like im being a sell-out or compromising my personal integrity 'for a man'. The whole thing feels shallow, but I dont want it to. + +Any advice or words of wisdom?",,18,[deleted],1704334152.0 +RedPillWomen,18yfdhy,Talking to first red pill guy,Hey just looking for some advice. I met an amazing guy a few weeks ago in like somewhere he struck up conversation and we ended up exchanging phone numbers. The first time we hung out after that I actually met his parents and some family friends. We spent like 10 hours together and then he asked me to spend NYE with he and his friends the next day. So far things going well until I was with him yesterday and mentioned something about my guy friends and he started talking about how that’s a red flag and all this. We had a really long 4 hour conversation about relationships and it was immediately clear to me he’s definitely an Andrew Tate mentality red pill guy. Which I’m completely fine with honestly but I feel like I messed up big time bringing up my guy friends and need some tips on how to show him I can be the red pill girl he wants. He is a gentleman has a good job and we are so similar on so many levels I could really see my self marrying this person and don’t want to mess it up. Just please any advice would be helpful,,0,CranberryElegant8675,1704381066.0 +RedPillWomen,18xxb0x,F23 seeking advice on attracting the right partner,"Hey, fellow Redditors! So, I'm 23, and I've got this whole family and kids thing on my mind. But here's the scoop: I seem to attract guys I'm not into, and the ones I want – you know, honest, hardworking, respectful, in good shape – either aren't feeling it or aren't up for a relationship. People say I'm attractive, and I get random compliments from men,women,kids. I had the thought that I have to be a better person to attract the right kind of guy. But I feel like no matter how much I improve myself it is not enough. Am I really that broken? Is something else wrong with me? + +Now, here's the dilemma: should I lower my standards and settle for someone just to be in a relationship? The last guy I dated was generous and hardworking, in a good shape but super avoidant. I dated him for a year and I feel like I was never taken seriously when I talk about my needs and that he couldn't care less. Had to bounce for the sake of my sanity and self-worth. + +Currently, I'm with a chill guy who's easy to get along with, has self-control, but, does drugs sometimes and skips the gym. Mixed bag, right? + +I keep hearing advice about focusing on myself, but when I'm caught up in my own stuff, when the heck do I find time to meet people and go on dates? Feeling the ticking clock, y'all, and wondering if I'm running out of time. Any advice or similar experiences out there? Share your wisdom please 🤔🙌",,10,Virtual-Locksmith294,1704323743.0 +RedPillWomen,18wzazi,Relationship Prioritization,"There have been recent posts on other subs that I’ve seen from women who are upset that their married friends don’t prioritize their friendship once married. A recent post actually said that she was “sick of married women always prioritizing their husbands over their friends.” + +I feel for those women and can understand that loosing a friend, no matter the reason, can be a painful experience. But, I’m also completely on the other side. When I got married, my husband became (and remains) my #1 priority. My family is my #1 priority and there is no one that comes before them. + +Because of this my circle of friends shrunk considerably. + +And frankly, I’m secure in that. The circle I have today as a married woman is small, but mighty. And I count that as a win. + +But, I wanted to hear your thoughts and the RP perspective on this. + +If you’re married, how did your friendships and priorities change after marriage? How did you feel about that? Do you have any regrets? + +If you’re single, but experienced this from the other side, how did it make you feel to see those friendships change/fade? Did you blame the woman or her marriage for those changes?",,25,robikn22,1704227091.0 +RedPillWomen,18xquno,Men don't care about women with high body count if they are attractive,"you dont need to be smart to point out that, but if a woman is really beautiful, they won't care about their past since men are visual creatures, it's just a cope that they care about a woman not being promiscuous. That's why onlyfans women if they're beautiful, there are a lot of men courting them, and wanting to marry them..",,0,thatblackhair,1704308210.0 +RedPillWomen,18vsprs,Where can I go to find a man who is open to me being a stay at home wife?,"If and when I have kids, I want to raise them. I want to be there for them for at least the first 4 to 5 years of their life, that's when they need you. From a developmental perspective it's insane that we (americans) leave new born children with strangers and go back to work. Honestly this might be what's responsible for many of the ills in modern American society. + +Finding a guy who is like minded about this seems unlikely. They will label me a gold digger, or not being feminist since i have prioritized my role as a mother over my role as a worker. I'm not religious and would prefer to not be with someone religious, however I feel this demographic might be my best hope. Willing to move abroad as well. Thoughts?",,51,Quirky-Schedule-6788,1704098743.0 +RedPillWomen,18vetz2,I Asked My Husband to Pay Me a $1 an Hour to Clean,"###The Problem: + +I don't keep a neat enough house. We have a lovely home that my husband has earned us, and I simply don't do it justice. Now I have a lot of excuses for this, of which an energetic toddler and clingy one year old are at the top. But there's no getting around the fact that a messy house makes life less pleasant for all of us. + +Over the years I've tried coming up with suggestions on how he could do more, how he could watch the kids so I can do more, or things we could buy that would help. None of these suggestions went over that well. So, I looked inward. + +###The Solution: + +After reflecting on what I find most motivating and what resources my husband has most to give, I came to him with a proposal. I would track all of the time I spent cleaning in a spreadsheet, and he would pay $1 an hour for my efforts. Though he said the rate seemed too low to be effective, I insisted. Since I would track the data, it would be easy to change the rate. I didn't want the number to be high enough that he would feel obligated to clean more. It was important it was an amount he wouldn't miss, but enough to where it was worth my time to record. + +###The Result: + +I'm about half a year in now, and the situation has greatly improved. The house still isn't quite as neat as we'd like, but now that I think of it as my responsibility, I no longer harbor any negative thoughts about how much my husband does around the house. My biggest motivations to clean before now were performing act of services for my husband, out of obligation to my family, or because the mess was stressing me. Being able to have a selfish, positive motivation has really changed the way my brain processes doing chores. + +My husband is more likely to clean as well! He much prefers taking the kitchen from okay to good, as opposed to from bad to okay. + +The greatest point of satisfaction for me has come from tracking the data. I originally thought the extra pocket money would be my favorite part, but I actually love seeing my work realized onto paper the most. Recording my chores makes me feel like nothing I do goes unnoticed or unappreciated. I like to challenge myself to have no zero days, even if that's only five minutes of picking up. It's fun to have streaks, or to set a new cleaning record. My husband also praises me more. It went from something we often disagreed on, to something where we both feel we got what we wanted. + +My time management is better. At first, I didn't really know how long everything took. Now, I know that no matter how messy the dishes may look, I can unload a dishwasher, partially load it, and hand wash a couple of the big items in just fifteen minutes. Tasks seem more doable. I track my average amount of time spent cleaning by the month, and have noticed how many minutes I need to spend per week for the house to mostly feel in order. The difference between a bad week or a great one is often only a few hours. + +Identifying an aspect of our lives that needed improvement, coming up with an idea that feels as though we both got our way, and seeing it come to fruition was a major win. I've enjoyed becoming a bit more self-reliant in my chores and in my emotional regulation. It's very uplifting to witness how much power I have to improve the lives of my family. Going forward, we've decided to try to replicate our success here with a challenge to restrict screen time for myself and the kids. We hope to see similar results.",,51,ArkNemesis00,1704050162.0 +RedPillWomen,18vkp21,What would you do?,"I apologize in advance for the long read.. my life is crumbling. I need advice… or tough love. + +I was raised in traditional Christian home. I come from a large family, so I was always surrounded with successful loving marriages. I knew from a very young age that my purpose in life was to be a serving wife, first and foremost, and a mother soon after. + +So at the young age of 15, I went looking for my husband. I didn’t put much thought into who he was.. I chose the first person that would have me. I found him a year later, got married at 19 and amicably divorced a couple years later. We were very different people and chalked it up to being young. I regrouped. I worked on myself. I built a business. I made myself more worthy of another partner to make up for the “baggage” I would bring into a new relationship. + +Some time passes (26) and I was quickly becoming a career woman. Although successful, I was empty. I was chasing purpose in a career that would never fulfill me. I wanted to be a wife so badly. So I sought out advice from every source I could. One being a famous political pundit. I told him about where I am in life and what I want for myself but I can’t seem to achieve it. His advice to me was to marry his brother. + +Skeptical, his brother reaches out and we start talking. It’s more of an interview on my part because I don’t like wasting time. I ask all the important questions. I’m hearing everything I’ve ever wanted to hear. Our values and expectations are aligned. He’s all I’ve ever wanted. He proposed a month later. And we quickly got pregnant a month after that. + +Admittedly, there was a ton of red flags I overlooked. Amidst my “interview”, I had asked about previous relationships, drugs and alcohol consumption and lying. I had never once considered that he would lie about everything he told me. It was impossible to me because of who his brother was, and how we both looked up to him. + +Throughout the last two years I called off the wedding and I’d threaten to leave him AT LEAST once a month due to his addictions to coke/ alcohol and over all laziness. (Drinks everyday, does coke multiple times a week, didn’t work). It was always “I’m sorry, I’ll change” or “everything will be different when the baby comes”. It was a rough pregnancy, and even tougher first year raising our son. We would have some good days in between. Those would be the days he convinced me to get legally married, give up my business and leave my apartment. I constantly took him at his word, and let him lead our family. What choice did I have? I had nothing at that point. Plus, I didn’t want to break up our family for my sons sake. + +Nothing was changing. His habits all stayed the same. So, in November, I finally left him. I took our son, and moved into my parents. A week later, I found out I was pregnant. And now crumbling. I’m raising a one year old on my own while dealing with a horribly nauseous pregnancy. We have no money to our name. My husband barely worked. He is a trust fund baby of sorts. But he made sure to open up his own bank account when I left him so we couldn’t use any of his parents money. I don’t know where to go from here. My family is really supportive. But i don’t know anyone who would want to raise two kids alone. Especially not me. Being a a wife was my dream. I love my kids. But my kids will grow up and raise families of their own. Who will I have? I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone now. My husband made sure to tell me that as well. + +What would you do if you were in my position?",,7,Looseforbiden,1704067943.0 +RedPillWomen,18ud5gs,should I pick the guy I love or the guy that loves me?,"I'm 22 and I've been seeing someone I really like for the past 4 months, we met after days of breaking up with my ex. + +this guy, he's 25, we get along really well, we have crazy chemistry, we can talk for hours about everything and anything and not get bored, he makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world, but he's still hesitant about the concept of marriage, haven't told his family about me because he has some problems with them and, is still studying so he doesn't know where he would be in the next 5 years so it's harder for him to include me in a future he's not certain about + +my ex is 29, he has a good job, loves me so much, told his family about me and introduced me to them, wants to get married to me, his future is stable, and knows where exactly he sees us in the near and far future, but I don't enjoy my time with him as much as I do with the guy I'm talking to right now, doesn't make me feel as pretty, and don't get along as well too. + +now my ex's older sister contacted me wanting to talk to me and I know she's going to ask me to get back with her brother and I need to make a decision before I get back to her. + +I'm afraid that I'll regret not getting back to him once the guy I'm talking to leaves the picture since he's not as serious about me as my ex is, but I know for a fact is both of them were proposing right now, I'd pick him over my ex any day. + +please help, I know no one can make this decision for me, but any insight is highly appreciated + +&#x200B;",,14,[deleted],1703933637.0 +RedPillWomen,18uag8w,Red Pill Origins,"I'm very curious to learn about the origins of RP and RPW theory. When and how did it become a ""movement""/clear theory? Who established it? I understand that it's based on objective truths that you could say are timeless, but that's not really the answer I'm after. I've looked through the wiki and there doesn't seem to be any info on where this all came from. + +Do any of you out there know? Or can point me to resources that go onto it? + +Edit: Thank you to everyone who replied! ",,12,FancyPants882,1703922818.0 +RedPillWomen,18u6a0k,Dating,"TW: Sexual Assault Rape, herpes, drugs + +Im 29 years old and I never really dated seriously for several reasons. I was raised by my fairly conservative catholic grandparents from the age of 3 years old and grew up pretty sheltered, while the topic of sex was discussed and my grandparents let me know they didn’t approve of promiscuity in part due to my aunt getting pregnant at 17. My grandparents never kicked out my aunt but rather she lived in the spare bedroom and her baby daddy of course didn’t stick around she eventually meet my uncle shortly after and they have 5 kids all adults now and have been married for a little over 30 years. + +Because I really didn’t want my grandparents to meddle to much into my dating life as they can be a over protective and some what “helicopter parents” I didn’t date in Highschool. I also knew most Highschool relationships never lasted so I wanted to save myself the heartbreak. I had my first relationship at 18, with one of my dads karate students and it was pretty casual we went on one real date, mostly just hung out with him and his friends and he ended up being emotionally abusive and later molested me on a date, we were hiking in the woods eventually we broke up and I also found out he was cheating on my with his girlfriend now wife. He was actually cheating on both of us. We never had sex, we only kissed. But he did want to have sex and tried to pressure me during the relationship. It didn’t last long maybe a year. + +My second relationship was a few years later in my early 20s and it was casual as well because at the time neither one of us drove. We hung out. Met his friends, family, little sisters. He introduced me to marijuana which I still smoke to this day. I don’t drink much, smoke cigs or do drugs. We broke up because at the time he kind of lacked ambition wasn’t working anywhere. I tried being friends but he didn’t want too. i had oral sex with him 1st time. + +After that I had a few friends with benefits who I only had oral sex with and then when I was 26 I lost my virginity to a Highschool friend. I was dealing with a lot of drama, my grandparents died in 2016 & 2021, in addition to my moms dad in 2021 and my little sister of a heroin overdose in 2022. I was also kicked out of my grandmother house by my aunts and uncle, mainly because my one aunt wanted the house for myself as my grandmother was dying in hospice. My aunts and uncles were emotionally abusive growing up rarely helped us with our grandparents and felt we had to earn our keep. So I was dealing with all that from 2019-2021 then I got apartment was dealing with the aftermath of all the drama and became very depressed. My dad’s siblings and my cousins all abandoned me after that. + +I wanted to feel better so I engaged in hook up culture after losing my virginity and had around 6 hookups and 4 FWBs most fizzled out but were my actual friends from Highschool. +I also experienced 2 rapes. And contracted herpes 1 oral (asymptomatic) I still consider myself lucky. + +I am now 29, hoping to settle down hopefully have a long term relationship and possibly marry and kids. I know my body count is fairly high but I’m more concerned about dating with herpes and lack of experience. + +I’m on bumble and tried a STD dating site but was some reason kicked off. So I’m not sure how to go about dating? I’m also in therapy. I do have abandonment and codependency issues anxiety and depression. My parents are divorced and was placed with my grandparents due to my dads drug use he now sober. My mom I don’t really have a relationship with. My stepmom I do but she struggles with addiction as well. I have sisters including a twin who only had 2 bfs, my older sisters are happily married but we grew up apart have different moms. I’m working on reconnecting with them. + +I’m hoping I can find a good man despite my lower SMV.",,9,Legitimate-Market363,1703908634.0 +RedPillWomen,18u5h8b,in love with a narcissist?,"hi guys, + +My ex is abusive & im pretty sure a narcissist & i still want him to love me… + +i actually posted on here looking for help on why my bf was telling me i was disrespecting him & looking for attention from other men by making too much eye contact, wearing make up, etc. you guys actually gave me really great advice about self improvement - it turns out tho i’m pretty sure he was just in the devalue stage in the abuse cycle of a toxic relationship. + +so here’s what happened. he did not keep some of his commitments, i tired to set a boundary, he was blacking out at the club & lying to me about having girls over to his house after - we broke up bc of it + +we decided to try again; he started saying horrible things to me then apologizing, that cycle - turned out he was cheating on me. we broke up. + +i still loved him. i believed him when he said he was sorry and would never hurt me like that again + +but - a month of him trying to get me back, he got me a ring and said he wanted to build a future together and i agreed to try again, a week of us officially back together he started to do the little devalue things again. i didn’t trust him so i realized i was going to start act controlling & i didn’t trust his leadership so i was going to start behaving in a way where i wouldn’t like me. i also didn’t like all of the control i let him have over me (i wasn’t allowed to wear any make up or dresses, and i love sundresses - meanwhile he was having sex with other girls - including a married one!! i just didn’t feel like it was fair and i know i shouldn’t have given it another try after i found out he was cheating) + +after everything that has happened, this time i couldn’t stand it. he started not caring about how i feel and still expecting me to just stay home while he was out. i chose to go to a dinner with some girls (there was one guy with a gf there & he said that was the same as him cheating on me) i snapped & i told him every thing i really thought about him - that he was a loser & a fraud. i was drunk or else i probably wouldn’t have done this. i have never talked to someone like this, i saw him getting insecure & my real self would have comforted him but i didn’t let up. + +we went to bed the next morning he responded by having me talk on the phone to his dad right when i woke up (acting like everything was fine? maybe looking for an albu for whatever he was thinking of doing?) then ripping a necklace he got me off my neck (cutting me as it broke on my neck) & screaming at me. he emailed me that day after i blocked him on everything blaming me for his “reaction” - i told him it was fine he had to find some excuse for his shitty treatment towards me to be ok so use whatever. then called me telling me how much he loved me & he wants to be with me & that i said horrible things to him & asking if i really thought he was a loser (i think he might’ve been crying) he told me he cried after i left that day & that i fucked him over and disrespected him by going to that dinner- it turned into him getting mad that i didn’t care he didn’t want me to go to dinner and him threatening to beat up my dad (i live with my family) i again blocked him on everything and the last messege i wrote was something like +u should be mad at yourself for ur actions that ruined our relationship but it’s ok i understand you don’t have the inner strength to look at yourself so u need to blame someone else. + +i haven’t answered any of his blocked calls and this is the first day in over a year he has not contacted me …. + +& i’m sad? i wish he had. i know he is abusive & im 99% sure he is a narcissist. i know i didn’t deserve all of the things he did to me but - i want him back? i want him to love me or care about me.. it’s like i could almost sweep all of this under the rug & be with him if i felt like he cared?? + +clearly i know by his actions he didn’t love me or care about hurting me - i can point to time after time him doing stuff on purpose to hurt me with no remorse and finding some way to blame me for why he was treating me so bad.. but i just wish i could do soemthing to wake him up & make him care about him.. i’m having nightmares about him every night. + +i think something is wrong with me. + +i kept waiting for him to be so horrible, i stopped caring about him - but things just got worse & worse & i still even right now, care. what do i do? + +one thing he said in the last convo was “remember what i’m saying - u want to go head to head w me? in my city? i’ll get u back”i said no i do not want to go head to head to you.. but like get me back??? cheating on me and everything else wasn’t enough.. i don’t think it will ever be enough - no matter how much he hurts me to get him to stop.. + +so why am i upset he hasn’t reached out today or am scared he may be talking to another girl. i know that is what would be best for me & my life - but i don’t want that.. i’m so confused by myself. + +he promised we were building a future together & kept being up he got me a ring like that should be enough for me to trust and not question him.. (that was what i said i required for us to try again after finding him cheating - we were exclusive & not official when he was actively sleeping with other girls, but he was telling me he was loyal and i really don’t know if he cheated on me during the official relationship- but i’m betting he did bc he was at least lying to me about girls being over, etc) + +i just don’t know what to do and why i want there to be hope that he misses me and he will change as a person and loves me - when i know he will say all these things to me when he comes back & none of it will be true.. how do i become stronger? is there any chance he could actually regret losing me and it be worth it to him to treat me better to have me? + +how would a redpill girl handle this? + +i obviously did a horrible job at vetting and setting boundaries and my heart is wayy to involved. i want to be happily married with a family and a man that loves me that i can completely trust and respect his choices. i don’t ever want to feel so invaluable again. i can’t really afford to waste more time on this man (24F) because i feel like it will take me forever to heal. + +what can i do?",,4,sarahharttt,1703906094.0 +RedPillWomen,18txkkj,Birth Control Advice,"My boyfriend and I have a good sex life. We both have a high sex drive so any time one of us wants to have sex the other never is “not in the mood”. I really value our sexual chemistry. Neither of us like condoms, so the obvious alternative is birth control. But there isn’t a non-hormonal birth control for women that I’m aware of besides just using condoms. I’ve taken the pill before in high school because my period was irregular and my hormones were crazy with cramps and PMS. It helped me to be more regular but it really killed my sex drive. My period is regular and my cramps are normal now too that I’m older, but I don’t want to sacrifice my sex drive for birth control. The only one I’ll consider is nexplanon because the IUD is too invasive for my preferences and the pill and shot are too easy for me to make a mistake with. The only thing else I have considered is asking my boyfriend about a vasectomy since it’s reversible but I don’t know if he’d be open to it. Seems like a big ask. And a bit hypocritical since it’s invasive and I didn’t want an invasive procedure either. Any experience / advice?",,1,Fantastic-Ear-7164,1703884272.0 +RedPillWomen,18skq7d,Do men really enjoy providing or a coverup?,,,78,kroshkamoya,1703736850.0 +RedPillWomen,18sybvm,Navigating the Leadership Landscape,"Although 'leader' is a general term, it encompasses various distinct leadership styles, each characterized by unique approaches and qualities. + +Transformational Leadership:A transformative leader in a traditional relationship is akin to a visionary captain steering a ship towards uncharted horizons. He inspires growth and positive change, fostering an environment where both partners can flourish and evolve. The transformative leader aims to elevate the relationship to new heights, creating a shared vision of a harmonious and fulfilling life together. + +Delegative Leadership:In a traditional relationship, the delegative leader values shared responsibility and decision-making. Much like a wise commander trusting his lieutenants, this leader understands the strength in unity. He empowers his significant other to contribute actively to the relationship's course, creating an environment of mutual trust and collaboration. + +Authoritative Leadership:The authoritative leader in a traditional relationship embodies the qualities of a firm yet caring captain. He provides clear guidance and structure, ensuring stability and security. This leader takes charge when necessary, creating a balanced environment where both individuals feel supported and directed on the journey of love. + +Transactional Leadership:Similar to a seasoned trader navigating the ebb and flow of markets, the transactional leader in a traditional relationship values reciprocity. This leader appreciates the give-and-take dynamics, addressing issues constructively and establishing clear expectations. The transactional leader believes in fairness and accountability, contributing to a stable and balanced relationship. + +Participative Leadership:In a traditional relationship, the participative leader is like a wise council seeking input from all members. He values collaboration and inclusivity, fostering an environment where both partners actively contribute to decision-making. This leader believes in shared ownership, creating a relationship that thrives on the collective wisdom of both individuals. + +Servant Leadership:The servant leader in a traditional relationship embodies the spirit of a caring steward. He prioritizes the well-being and happiness of his family, finding joy in selflessly supporting and nurturing his significant other. This leader creates an environment where mutual service and support define the essence of the relationship.",,4,Objective_School_738,1703781921.0 +RedPillWomen,18tjnbw,How to deal with a stingy man? Any psychological tricks or tactics to make them more generous,I am asking this because I need help for this with my otherwise good boyfriend. ,,0,Zealousideal_Dog3919,1703843772.0 +RedPillWomen,18sqpza,Should I give up on the apps?,"Ive been using dating apps for 2 years now, almost 3 with no success. The guys i meet dont seem interested in a commitment, at least not with me. And ive only met two of these guys through friends, although the experiences wasnt much better. My experiences in dating have not been good and are honestly making me feel bad in general. I live a pretty stress free life, i dont have drama at work, school, with friends or family. The only thing I am worried about is school but it doesn’t drain me as much as dating has. It’s making me question if i am just not good enough for commitment at all, also considering on just giving up on dating and finding love in general. Although i dont *want* to do that. + +I’m trying my best when it comes to this. Im attractive and fit, i try my best to give them compliments on their looks and their interests/work, i try to communicate although ive given up on that now cause they don’t seem to care or like when i do this lol but when i did , i would try to ask questions and understand why they did what they did or thought the way they did, i would reassure them it was okay for them to be honest (cause sometimes i thought they were unsure if they could be), i try my best to use “I” statements if you have heard of that or know about that. I wouldn’t complain to them about things going on in my life, i mean again theres not too much to complain about but even if i did have something, i didn’t talk about it in detail. So i don’t believe I was adding stress to their life. None of them took me on real dates, they either said they would and didnt, or just invited me over to their place, or took me on one or two and that was all. Ive been here before so i know cook and cleaning for a man is important to getting him to commit but ive also heard that i should be doing this for a man whose not taking me on dates or showing effort. Yet doing that seems to be only way I can think about to get them to show effort. But i also dont want to do it myself, i feel its more for when things are getting serious or are serious and I probably wouldnt do it on a regular basis until there was a commitment and we lived together. Ive also tried lowering my standards on looks several times and recently resorted to just swiping on every guy, cause I couldn’t tell if i was just going beyond my league. Can’t tell if that will help yet. + +Basically I’ve tried hard. But none of it seems to work and im not meeting guys who just naturally want to take me on real dates or commit. And i dont have issue with getting a second, third, fourth “date” and so on. Just real dates. And cant tell if thats because they want sex or not. So i cant discern if its just that i am meet the wrong guys or if i am just not doing enough or if im just not enough in general. Ive also asked two guys (the only ones i felt comfortable asking) that ive talked to for feedback, one said he wanted someone more solid and he wasn’t sure about my drive but he was also very mean and so i didnt know if i should take what he said as genuine advice, the other guy was seemingly infatuated with me or love bombing so he said nothing was wrong with me. + +So should I get off the apps? Or Should I be doing more? +If anyone wants to hear more about the situation, and give me advice that would be very, very, very much appreciated. Although i would only like to do it privately if thats alright. If not then that is fine and any advice would be helpful. Thank you.",,4,[deleted],1703758745.0 +RedPillWomen,18shn1k,You RPW are worth finding!,"The women who try and run the show kill any attraction to their femininity. As a guy (46) I am at a rough spot in that a serious injury has slowed me down hard for about half a year. The feminine impulses to support and encourage are a super power. + +When men watch a movie where the hero gets patched up and sewn up so they can take on the world speak to our soul. Sounds quaint, but learn how to care for an injury. Not a “man cold”, but an injury. + +You can make us feel like we can take on the world. And if you make us feel that way we’ll want to take on the world for you.",,15,vydgj42,1703727697.0 +RedPillWomen,18scx1c,His mom loves me! But she said he needs a leader…unsure of what to feel.,"I’ve been dating my boyfriend (24m, 24f) for over a year now and thankfully, his mom loves me. I love her too! She’s so kind and sweet and compliments me all the time. + +One day she took me aside and told me how happy she is we’ve found each other and how she’ll always be there for us, help us in the future when grandkids are here haha, and was telling me how she sees all my beautiful characteristics and how hardworking and driven i am etc. It was all so sweet, until she started saying how my boyfriend needs a leader and she knows that’s me. She was saying it as a compliment but it kind of made me rethink things. I’m the one who wants a leader, I don’t want to be the leader. She said how she knows im the reason he wants to pursue grad school now, she sees how much I help him, and how that’s always been her role but now that he’s an adult he doesn’t need mom now, he needs a partner that’ll lead him and that’s me. She mentioned how he always needs a push but once he’s doing something, he will excel (which is true!). However hearing it said like this kind of freaked me out 😭 + +Am I overthinking things or is it possible to still be in a red pill minded relationship in a situation like this? I don’t want to be the one doing all the heavy lifting..I’d like to be led too.",,10,vinesandflowers,1703715523.0 +RedPillWomen,18s87bu,Man who is not leading and what to say?,"Hi all, + +Question… what do you say when you want to politely break it off with a man who is not leading properly? + + just a little backstory if you wanted some… + +I have been talking to this man for a few weeks now. We did go on one date. BUT… I almost didn’t go. He never confirmed a time with me. I told him earlier in the week that I was available Saturday, late afternoon. He did not confirm with me until 1:30 PM that Saturday!! 1:30!!! I was already on another date at that point so I didn’t respond until later on around 5pm. When I responded, i told him that since he did not confirm, I made other plans. He was very apologetic and took blame. He suggested we talk on the phone to make concrete plans so I let him call me. We had a nice conversation, but ultimately I was the one who had to bring up alternate plans and get the ball rolling. He asked when I was free. I told him my availability, but again he seemed to struggle locking down a time and date. I ended up just telling him that I was free in about an hour. He agreed but again, he seemed to struggle with picking a place and deciding whether or not he was going to pick me up. I had to do a lot of the logistics. I ended up just telling him to come pick me up and we will go somewhere close to me. I ended up picking the place. He even had the nerve to tell me that I was being passive because at first I only offered input and wanted him to pick the place and decide if he was picking me up. I told him that I like when a man plans these things ahead of time but he just said something about making sure I felt comfortable. (Sure I get that) Anyway, He picked me up, we went on our date, He paid and everything was fine. + +Thing is, he’s only made very loose 2nd date plans, no concrete plans. He did ask what my availability was like this week and I told him I was free Saturday. He asked me what I wanted to do and I suggested walking around the zoo to see the Christmas lights. All he said was “that sounds fun“. Honestly, after that, I am just really turned off and ready to be done with this. I should not be the one planning these dates and deciding where I want to go. + +Even with our first kiss, I could tell that he wanted to kiss me... We were joking around about something, and I said “you haven’t even tried to kiss me yet” it was only because of that we had a nice kiss. I feel like I am the masculine one here and I do not like it. It’s causing me anxiety and stress already. I am Fine offering input but I feel like I’m doing most of the logistics and just want to be done with this. + +Another thing is that I found his TikTok account and he is following hundreds of thousands of “thirst trap” accounts. He’s 39 years old! To me, that is a huge turn off and I do not want to continue. + +What would you guys say? I guess I could give a vague text, but I am the type of person who wants to give a reason because that’s what I would want if someone was breaking it off with me…",,4,Original-Possible238,1703703585.0 +RedPillWomen,18sko1f,should i live miserably? or not and give up on love all together?,"i (f20) am a radical leftist and a feminist dating a (m25) red pilled right/moderate man. + +i'm a bigger person, i'm a radical leftist, opinionated, and old. he's shown me videos from kevin samuels and people like him, i know i have little to no sexual market value because there will always be prettier, younger, quieter, and more submissive women out there. i'm already 20 with one serious relationship. from what i've interpreted from the things i've been shown, men find that disgusting and wouldn't want to be with a woman that old and with that much baggage. i'm big (working on losing the weight! already 1/6 of the way there!! :) ) and there's no reason for a man to be with a big woman when there's prettier, thinner ones available. no matter how much i try to fix my opinions to be red pilled for the sake of OLD old me (because from what i've been shown, women can't survive on their own for long), i can't seem to change all of my views. and i'm highly opinionated, if something is important enough to bother me for long enough, i feel it's important to bring up. my boyfriend even now tells me i'm always unhappy and he gets upset at me whenever i bring up issues i have with our relationship. + +for the year we've known each other, i've changed so much about myself to be more red pilled and right-leaning, amd i'm thankful. a lot of what i believed was childishly shallow just to make up for my past beliefs that i hated. being with him has made me question absolutely anything and everything on what i believe for the best. he's made me reconsider so much... but i still have my own opinions on certain things that no matter how hard i try to change them, it doesn't matter. i feel myself losing interest in him romantically because i can't see myself fully living the life he wants us to. i love him deeply, more than almost anything else in this world.. so i'm torn. + +(sorry if this is disorganized, i have so many thoughts, opinions, questions, explanations, etc and tried my best to only fit the most important ones.) + +TLDR: + +do i stay with him and ignore my feelings for the best? continue to physically mourn the life i want to live to secure a stable future with the man i love with a lifestyle i hate? + +or do i leave him, live the life i want to live now, fuck myself over because no other man will ever love me, and miss him once i'm older? + +i'm genuinely asking for advice, please don't delete this post, i'm begging for help. + +if you have questions, please ask!! i'll answer (within reason :) )!have an amazing day <3 + +EDIT: + +thank you all for your opinions, advice, and resources. i've talked to him openly and let him in on everything that's on my mind. his life circumstances recently changed drastically for the better and he told me that almost every single one of my concerns was something he was working on in silence, i just hadn't seen it yet because i'm still stressed by my own circumstances. + +i'm also sorry for all of those who took offense to the things i said and how i worded them. i promise i'm not trolling, just autistic and anxious... so i tend to take everything at face value and then overthink it.",,0,DokyeomsTakes,1703736651.0 +RedPillWomen,18rlu9v,He doesn’t want to have conversation with me,"I love my boyfriend very very much. In almost every single aspect of our relationship he’s wonderful and perfect and goes above and beyond in making me feel loved and interactions are reciprocated. But conversationally he loooves to talk. And I love to listen, he’s engaging and interesting and I love him and anything he wants to talk about I love the excuse to bond with him and get to know him better. I always get super into whatever he’s chatting about and ask him a lot of questions and he loves it, and I love that he feels heard and engaged. But he rarely asks me questions, and when I speak up and tell him things about my day, my interests, what I’m focusing on, et cetera he shows little interest and doesn’t usually have much to say about it, “cool” “nice, babe”. I know he cares about me but I don’t know how to improve this. He says he cares about what I want to talk about but I don’t know, it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t want to just argue or say “you don’t listen!!” But like, what do I do instead?",,16,Fantastic-Ear-7164,1703634145.0 +RedPillWomen,18rlwt7,My 30M boyfriend is always upset about smth when we travel,"So my 30F bf has this frequent moodswings when we travel. I hate it. It really bumms me out to see him like that. I tried cheering him up but he gets in these sensitive moods, sometimes getting jealous or annoyed by other people checking me out and stuff like that. + +Is there a way to improve his mood or is this a lost cause?",,10,lilsweetcake,1703634335.0 +RedPillWomen,18qzkth,What’s a good body count at almost 30?,"I’m wondering, since i’m feeling a bit insecure about having three guys i’ve slept with at 28.",,6,[deleted],1703564598.0 +RedPillWomen,18qy61j,Attraction towards a non compatible man,"I’m a 29F who just moved to a different country by myself. I’m single and know exactly the kind of men I’d be compatible with. However I seem to be attracted to this 20 year old guy who works at the local cafe. He’s sweet, but I can tell we’re very different and we simply wouldn’t make sense together. I also prefer older men in general but for some reason I can’t get this guy off my mind. What do you suggest I do?",,9,Global_Moose_1991,1703559986.0 +RedPillWomen,18qeym5,he doesn’t want me to solo travel and say it’s wrong. now i want to end relationship,"hello rpw, + +i’m working on myself and improving my confidence and want to start making solo dating more often thing. + +i did it once and i really like it and it gives me time to myself. i have been buying new clothes and makeup and working on myself and my body after a long time of being a hermit and staying in doors because of anxiety and trauma. i want to look cute and feel pretty again. + +i want to take myself to amsterdam for 4 days next year during the valentines and take myself to a nice restaurant alone and maybe also explore the city alone and journal. i really want to do this to find myself and travel more alone but my boyfriend says he is not comfortable with that. he says im changing because im starting to dress up more and wear makeup and he prefers my natural look but then he followed the women on instagram who wear makeup and dress up? + +why it’s a problem now when i also want to do? i want to travel alone and more often and i feel if he can’t accept it maybe we need to end it but he said he doesn’t want to end it, then he said i must tell him if i speak with another guy and that’s why i want to break up and i just use this as an excuse to leave. + +we have never travel together firstly even though i said i want to and again when i travel to spain few months ago to visit my sister he said to me ""i just hope that the fidelity is there."" so he thinks i cheat on him? + +i don’t understand this and we not on the same page. he does not see the value in solo dating and how it makes me feel and me i don’t see the logic in his refusal for me to travel alone.",,20,velveteen08,1703494242.0 +RedPillWomen,18qd0wd,How should I (26F) proceed with my marriage to my husband (40M)?,"I want to divorce my husband who is 14 years older than I am, and I feel guilty about wanting to do so every day. + +I met my now husband 4 years ago through some mutual friends. I’m now 26, and he is 40. + +I definitely had an accelerated path to adulthood since I graduated early, moved out, and started working full time in tech, so naturally my friends were varied in age, some slightly older than me, and some very. I didn’t know his age when we started dating, nor did he know mine. It was quite a bit of a shock when we both found out, but at that point we both fell hard for each other and it felt silly to not give it a chance. + +Fast forward during Covid, we got married since we wanted to buy a house together, and I wanted to make sure we were doing things correctly (legally). We eloped at a court, and he bought me a ring later, but I’m resentful because I never had a romantic proposal, or even a small wedding. + +He also isn’t very romantic, and I’m becoming someone who craves romance. He doesn’t like to post me on social media, he’s not very verbally affectionate, nor has he planned many dates. I can tell he loves me, and he’s very comfortable with what we have. + +He also works in tech (the customer side of tech) and due to layoffs, he hasn’t been working since January of this year. He’s filling his time applying to jobs here and there, but also just playing video games, sleeping, and just seemingly wasting time. He only tends to go to the gym if I ask him to go with me, and he only really eats healthy if I make him healthy food. + +He used to say that it made him feel fulfilled to provide for the family, and he took on 70% of our expenses so I could focus on going back to school for higher education, but even that has been on pause due to him not being able to find a job. + +I’ve mentioned that he’s probably depressed, but he doesn’t have interest in scheduling therapy sessions, despite me offering to pay and sharing phone numbers of therapists under our network. + +I regret marrying him because he is quite older than me, but doesn’t have a natural interest to learn more about bettering himself financially, physically, or emotionally. I feel worried about how we’re going to have kids, how we’re going to retire. It doesn’t feel right to get divorced since I feel comfortable with our house, our life, and everything enough to just stay. I feel like I settled down too fast and am unsure about all of these things while I should be with someone who has already figured a lot of these things out. A part of me also feels scared to jump back in the dating world because there’s always going to be someone better in some areas, and worse in others. + +Despite everything I’ve mentioned, I also do love him and everything he does for me. He does almost all things house related except for cooking since he isn’t working. He massages me or scratches my back every time I ask. He always drops everything to help me if I need to go somewhere. He’s also incredibly loyal and hasn’t looked at any other woman. That’s why I feel guilty about wanting to divorce him. + +I have no idea what to do, and would love to hear other people’s perspectives on this. I always have a feeling that even if I leave and find someone else, there’s going to be elements of a relationship that won’t be perfect. + +Is it possible to get over this feeling of regret? Is grass really greener on the other side?",,20,[deleted],1703485489.0 +RedPillWomen,18oflo9,"Ladies, I wanted to get some objective advice on my current situation. I","Ladies, I wanted to get some objective advice on my current situation. I am a married woman with 2 kids, a toddler and a small baby. My husband and I have had a tough time because our latest baby was colic so there was constant crying and we had a really difficult first 6 months powering though. My husband is the provider and I have been at home with the kids mostly. My husband works hard and provides and I do everything else, which is in my eyes a lot and more than he does. I guess what makes it tough is that my husband doesn’t do anything else aside from working. He never cooks or takes the kids out so I can rest. I feel very burdened and over tired and resentful. At the same time I know my husband is working hard and is bringing in the money. An example: he didn’t sleep much because of having to work through the night and I didn’t sleep because our baby is waking up constantly and needs feedings. And yet he will sleep in in the morning letting me take care of everything while I am also exhausted. + +Just fyi: I will also start a job in the new year as we are currently not making enough money. I am scared that I will then need to balance the job with also a lot of homemaking and kids.my husband has indicated he feels under appreciated and not respected by me which I know is not good. Is anyone in a similar situation? What did you do? Am I being crazy? I appreciate your feedback. Thanks ladies 🩷",,17,MiracleMorni,1703253689.0 +RedPillWomen,18o37r2,"""If he wanted to, he would""","Hi all. I've been lurking here for awhile. I'm mid-30s, have healed myself after a divorce and a really, *really* bad year last year, and I found this community. The philosophy and advice really seems like something I can naturally do, and I'm dating a man who really seems to respond to me being caring, building him up, etc. We've been together since April, official since June, and I met his daughter shortly after. He has majority custody of a 4yo daughter from a prior relationship, she and I get along well, he helps foster the relationship, and we both see me eventually having a caretaker role for her. + +But I need dating advice. I feel like a lot is geared towards young women dating for marriage. I'm open to marriage, but not especially interested in it again. Commitment yes, and the first few months with my bf felt great. But then his ex sued to gain custody, and he communicated he couldn't be around a lot until that got settled. We went from daily texting and weekly hangouts to seeing each other once a month (since Nov) with sporadic communications. + +I want to hang in there until his custody situation is settled, because I think he's a great man, and I hope we can return to the ""old us."" He appreciates that I give him space, that I reached out with Christmas presents for his daughter, that I don't pester for court details. But I'm not sure what to DO when we're not around each other or talking. How can I be supportive, a warm place for him to land, and take care of him when we're this distant? + +I'm trying so hard to push away the toxic thoughts from most female communities, that say ""if he wanted to, he would."" They want the man to chase yet never get a reward. They think men should be texting us all the time, since it ""only"" takes 2 seconds. I LOVE to text, yet even I need breaks. And most advice towards step parents assumes they hate their man's kid, and want to get away, but I want to care for her so none of that advice works, either. So help, I just need reassurance and guidance. Thanks",,26,NoStuffTA,1703208946.0 +RedPillWomen,18o78kw,Is 3 years younger too big of an age difference?,"I am in a relationship with a wonderful high value man, but I come from a very traditional culture that typically frowns upon the man being younger. So I often get insecure and feel like our age gap is too much. I’m 27, he’s 24.",,0,sunflowwerjpg,1703222021.0 +RedPillWomen,18njhzb,How do I (44F) Deflect Our Gift to His (44m) Niece (4F)?,"My husband's niece (S) has her 4^th birthday tomorrow. We bought her a bike as she was eyeing mine when they came by last. + +Some backstory, when I met S, she said that she loved me right away and told my in-laws that she wanted to be me when she grows up. We speak to them on video call daily (they're on the continent and we're in London) and her affection for me hasn't shown any signs of abating. + +My husband visits them every weekend. As mother-in-law wasn't particularly fond of me, I have minimized my visits -- at his insistence, I go with him for everyone's birthdays, except this one, because I have to work at the festive period. + +Husband will present the bike to her when he visits as being from both of us, though I know she will think it's primarily from me -- just as she feels the nightsuit hubby bought last time we both went together were from me. + +The problem is not that hubby wants the credit - he couldn't care less, but that I want to give credit to the proper person. I've tried to deflect thanks and praise for the thoughtfulness of the gifts onto him, but S still doesn't get it. + +Any ideas on how to make her realize that her younger uncle is extremely thoughtful and can serve as a good role model, even without me being there?",,5,LiteratureOk7716,1703152553.0 +RedPillWomen,18n83x5,I miss him TOO much💔 how to stop?,"I've been in a relationship for three years. (M25, F27) We lived together for a year. We are currently living apart again. I feel like I miss him more than he misses me… this is not how it should be! I'm not okay with it. I am constantly writing messages and calling… how to stop? what to do to make him miss me? I feel like I'm losing... I feel unattractive and abandoned...",,13,Available_Guidance45,1703113972.0 +RedPillWomen,18n1xin,Has anyone here saved themselves for marriage as a RPW? How did that work/not work for you whilst dating?,I’m going to be back in the dating pool eventually (I’m on the process of leaving my marriage) but would want to wait for marriage for sex. Is that even tolerated these days? What have your experiences of dating in 2023 and keeping sex off the table been like?,,28,littlemisslight,1703097913.0 +RedPillWomen,18nst13,How do you find a man to pay for you?,"All the men I meet are losers. They don’t want to be a man and pay for my rent and bills and other expenses. I’m tired of working. I want a provider. It’s just crazy cuz I know other women that date guys that pay for all their things like literally everything, my coworker literally gets sent rent money by her BF. But the guys I meet only pay for dates like when we go to a burger restaurant but I want to date a man that’ll be a man and pay for everything. I’m just over it. I feel like men aren’t men anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m only 27 but I’m not attracted to 50 year olds. The oldest I can date without gagging is probably 35 years old",,0,[deleted],1703181051.0 +RedPillWomen,18meye9,"More betrayal, now what?","My husband and I have had a lot of problems this year. We separated for about three months this summer, and then got back together. I had thrown myself into the Laura Doyle, empowered wife program and made some changes on my end and it really helped. I won’t say that I caused the majority of our problems, but the things I was doing were not helping. After we got back together, he told me that there had been another woman for a while but that was over and he was 100% committed to me. That killed me inside but I decided that I would just go ahead and keep trying. That was at the beginning of September, he has had several explosive episodes then, and reached out to her on her birthday, although he doesn’t know that I know that. When my birthday rolled around, he didn’t even say happy birthday to me let alone do anything for me. This past weekend, the kids and I went to my sisters to celebrate an early Christmas with my family. He did not want to go. I did not give him a hard time just said OK and left for three days. Not 12 hours after I’d been gone, he started calling the other woman. calls and texts went back-and-forth between them all weekend. I know this because I saw it on our Verizon app. I confronted him about it and ask him why he was doing that, and he cussed me up one side and down the other, told me not to come home and told me he was done and all sorts of other stuff. He was also drunk, so I just hung up and did not talk to him anymore. Yesterday when I was on the way back home, I received a pathetic apology text that just said he was out of line. Now, I feel heartbroken and dead inside if that is something that is actually physically possible. Now I don’t know what to do or what to feel. His family is gaslighting me bc I “just don’t understand how much stress he under”. He has got us in a mega financial bind and my kids Christmas will also be ruined as per usual. My daughter said yesterday that she just wanted to take our Christmas tree outside and burn it in the front yard. I know no one has a the magic solution.",,22,patchouliflowers,1703026294.0 +RedPillWomen,18maqqb,Dating Red Flags,"Hey, so I recently came across a guy who has told me that he will only pay for the date if he thinks I'm worth it. + +Should I consider this as a red flag? + + +I'd like to thank everyone who has taken their time to share their views and opinions! 😊 +--- +Update: I texted him 2 days prior to our date, to clarify time and place (he did say earlier that he will find a place for us). He responded and said; We will see... I still haven't found a place. +Then he dropped another bomb saying that he is worried about money, and can't pay for us both and that's why he didn't choose a place. He did not offer an alternative plan. It seemed off to me, and I chose not to go on a date.",,31,idont_interact,1703015464.0 +RedPillWomen,18m6hjh,Dating books for women? Recommendations,"I’m looking for some recommendations on books that explain dating from a red pill point of view from women. How to date from a feminine point of view. +Last minute Christmas gifts hehe! + +Appreciate the kind replies!",,8,h4cksforlife,1703004737.0 +RedPillWomen,18lmmhr,He hasn't hugged me or kissed me outside the sexual encounters after 2 months of dating,"I'm 26F I've seen this guy 28M for almost 2 months already. ; He initiated contact every day since we met, he plans the date with days of anticipation and is always looking for nice plays to go, and he pays for everything. He drives at 1:30 to see me every Saturday and we spend all day together. Some background: he lives with his parents, he has never had a girlfriend and he only dated some girls for just months, at first I even thought he was a virgin. I asked him for more information and he told me that girls are the ones who dump him. He also told me on the second date he was looking for something serious + +We didn't kiss until the 6 date in which I asked him why he thought that we didn't - I know it was stupid of me to do that + +After that kiss, we saw each other 2 more again and it was always the same, he never held my hand holdings, even after breaking the physical barrier. So yesterday once again I asked him about it and I didn't get a proper answer. And now I realize that maybe he kissed me the first time because I asked for it. + +We've been dating for 2 months and he has never told me something like ""You are pretty / you look nice today "", and I'm already expecting him to change. + +At first, I thought he wasn't looking just for a hook up because he told me he was looking for something serious and also because he waited for 6 dates to kiss me, but now I'm doubting about it + +I am the crazy one If I want to walk away.? don't want to start a relationship and already want the person to change. Been there and done that for the past 5 years in my LTR + +",,7,rosie00x,1702941273.0 +RedPillWomen,18l5s8n,"I oversexualized myself and I fear I can't turn back without it hurting my relationship, help","I've been seeing my boyfriend for a little over 3 months and we became official a month a ago, we both come from very religious background (muslim) but he moved to a more liberal city while I'm still in our hometown and he's overall less religious than I am. + +2 days ago we were facetiming and he was telling me he wants to masturbate but he's too tired and in the heat of the moment I told him I can help him, and I took off my bra and played with my boobs to help him get off and he helped do the same afterwards. + +after that he started speaking about how he can't wait to spend the night with me and the things he'd do to me when he's back home (he's on a work trip right now) and I was anxious so I just nodded and smiled, I'm still a virgin and I plan to wait for marriage. + +he's a good person, I know he likes me and I know it's mostly my overthinking and shame speak but I can't help but fear that I opened a door I can't close and he'll keep asking for more. + +i also fear he doesn't see me as innocent anymore and I know how much men value innocence. + +now I don't know how to take a step back, or at least keep things the way they are without it hurting my relationship + +I didn't want to post on the relationship subreddit because they'll just tell me that I need to get loose, I hope some of you coming from conservative backgrounds understand what I'm going through and can help me.",,30,throwra20035,1702896063.0 +RedPillWomen,18le2ef,Communication and Texting,"Hello RPW! I’ve been chatting with this guy for about 2 weeks, and we decided to be exclusively chatting a little under a week ago. He has a very demanding and intense job, which means that he doesn’t text very often. + + +I have said a few times that I understand if he won’t be able to text or message that day, but that I would appreciate him letting me know in the morning and saying like: “Hey, busy day today, won’t be able to message.” Or even just: “Busy day today.” Just something to get the point across. He hasn’t said that at all, but still doesn’t reply for almost the whole day, and will go over 12 hours with no communication. I’m not trying to nag him, but I would just like to know if he’s able to chat that day or not. + + +Am I going about it wrong? If so, how could I go about it differently? Because, being traditional and submissive towards my partner is really important to me, and I don’t know if maybe I’m being to abrasive? Are my expectations that he let me know if he can text or not unreasonable? + +Thanks for your help and feedback! + +Edited to add more context (I also put the context in response to another’s message): We are discussing him visiting in February (we’re doing long distance, and he has to travel overseas for work for a month and I’m not able to accompany him), and he is already discussing him wanting to be my husband, and wanting me as his wife. We do call, I think we’ve called 3 or 4 times, but each call tends to last at least a few hours.",,5,[deleted],1702920058.0 +RedPillWomen,18l4l2p,Tipps/Books for organizing for a very messy person,"Hello lovelies, + +I'm an extremely messy woman (ever since I can remember). I have a hard time being organized, keeping an apartment tidy (even though I clean frequently) or even noticing that something is messy. It's a huge issue and I need to get rid of that habit. Do you have Tipps/books for me on how to finally get organized? Maybe with really concrete plans like Monday ""you have to this and that"". I need something on toddler level. +Also maybe someone equally as messy can share their success stories on how they overcome their messyness. I would really appreciate it :)",,8,Lena_Maria0811,1702891074.0 +RedPillWomen,18kldz4,How to maintain a RPW mindset with a newborn?,"Hello all! My boyfriend and I welcomed our first child to the world 3 weeks ago. Overall, I think we’re doing really well as new parents. I’m hoping for advice with maintaining a RPW mindset during this time, as I’ve noticed new tendencies towards irritability and a more critical mindset towards my boyfriend that I’d like to nip in the bud. + + +*Backstory:* + + I had an unplanned C-section and a pretty traumatic hospital stay, followed by our son ending up in the PICU when he was only three days old. My boyfriend was deployed for the birth and the PICU stay, and returned the day after we had gotten back home. I’m still struggling mentally with the after effects of both hospitalizations (I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say military hospitals are atrocious). I’m also sad he missed the birth and that we didn’t get time to decompress together post-deployment before the baby arrived. + +*The current situation:* + +Obviously we’re both sleep deprived. He’s doing a great job at being a present father and supportive partner, while still not being able to fully decompress after a six-month submarine deployment. I worry about the impact that’s going to have on him and our relationship. I’m also having a slow recovery from my surgery and feel guilty for how much I have to rely on him, given he hasn’t had a chance to relax yet. I’ve never minded picking up after him before, but I notice myself getting really easily irritable when I see his clothes on the floor, dirty dishes on the counter, etc. I’m trying to focus on gratitude for the overwhelming amount of things he’s helping me with, but the sleep deprivation is **really** getting to me. + +I’m definitely less of a soft place to land than I used to be, and I’m worried that this is his experience of our relationship now after being gone so long. How do I get back to patience, gratitude, trust, and respect? Or do I cut myself some slack during the newborn phase and trust that it won’t cause lasting damage to our relationship dynamic?",,7,dropdeadgorgon,1702831589.0 +RedPillWomen,18k88pj,He goes out while I stay home with the baby but every time we discuss this I want to control him,"Hi everyone, + +So we have a 6 month old baby who happens to be the most adorable human being. I love to spend quality time with him but unfortunately due to high cost rent I had to go back to work at least to pay my part of the rent, leaving my partner to pay for bills, his part of the rent and some bits and bops. He is a very social person also working in the hospitality industry meaning he gets to stay late quite a lot as part of his job. He also instead of coming home to have dinner or to spend some quality time he turns the tv on smokes some weed and just disconnects himself for a while. He is very loving and patient with our baby when he is taking care of him 2 days a week max. He also happens to stay out partying with staff members or friends until 3-4 am and every time I bring his awareness that this situation makes me feel very alone as if I was solo parenting he tells me I’m crazy or controlling and just it’s a never ending cycle of me feeling alone and not being seeing as I can’t go out and party or anything like this and I don’t have a proper support or this is how I feel from a emotional point of view. I would like another perspective from people who are experiencing anything similar. + +Thanks 🙏🏼",,26,Little_Grand_2364,1702784153.0 +RedPillWomen,18k3fnk,RPW Nun Mode Compilation,"This is a compiled list of some notable RPW field reports on Soft Nun Mode and Hard Nun Mode: +- + +**Soft Nun Mode Field Reports** + +* Community member **starting** [Soft Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14ndkun/needing_feedback_on_my_nun_mode_plans/) +* **Successful** [Soft Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15epxkg/field_report_small_successes/) field report + +**Hard Nun Mode Field Reports** + +* **Starting** [Hard Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cfdkx4/36f_divorced_mom_first_ever_nun_mode/) at 36; Challenges addressing: vetting/broken picker, serial monogamy to the wrong men, therapy +* **Starting** [Hard Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e73oyw/nun_mode_vs_potential_captain_or_sinking_ship/) at 30 with a potential ‘dream captain’ decision; please read the [EC comment](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/e73oyw/nun_mode_vs_potential_captain_or_sinking_ship/f9v5utd/) +* **Starting** [Hard Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/aylyks/nun_mode_for_a_month_advice_and_feedback/) at 26; the comments are a must read + +* **Successful** [Hard Nun Mode](https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/monk-mode-and-rpw.209899&comment=t1_d4bv5lm) field report: **lasted a year and a few months** (improved alcoholism, high N count, total emotional overhaul) +* **Successful** [Hard Nun Mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/155wrh5/fr_my_time_in_nun_mode_as_a_teen/) from an EC in her teenage years, **lasted a year** +* **Successful** [Hard Nun Mode](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4pli9n/monk_mode_and_rpw_a_story_of_failure_and_rebound/) from an EC in her teens, more of an **inadvertent nun mode but excellent insights** + +--- + +**Other types of nun mode field reports and additional information:** + +* Field report of community members determining **if they’re ready or not to leave Nun Mode**: [Ex1](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/w3qyiv/am_i_ready_to_leave_nun_mode/), [Ex2](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d424zs/nun_mode_vs_the_wall/), [Ex3](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/tlpocw/how_do_you_know_when_youre_ready_to_leave_nun_mode/) +* Field report example of **[when you may not need nun mode](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/uhyzbg/importance_of_nun_mode_in_a_womans_life/) and things to consider** +* Some more [community advice](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d8ied7/best_ways_to_start_nun_mode/) on **Aims vs Goals** and more **general advice**",,16,FastLifePineapple,1702768888.0 +RedPillWomen,18k43ia,A Definitive Guide to Nun Mode: Part II The 3i’s and How to Nun Mode,"As previously mentioned in [Part I](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18jd3tw/a_definitive_guide_to_nun_mode_part_i_an/) + +Nun Mode revolves around **three key practices:** + +* **taking time for yourself and minimizing distractions** (isolation or solitude) +* **deep self-reflection** (introspection) +* **self-improvement** + +Originally, **the 'monk mode' framework, was designed for men**. It involved a conscious retreat from everyday distractions like excessive social media and internet use, watching pornography, indulging in video games, and minimizing social engagements. The goal was to repurpose this time into productive activities such as journaling, introspection, and improving various aspects of their social value through goal setting, self-discipline, and taking massive action. + +**Adapting this for a RPW**, especially in their late twenties, requires considering women's fertility timelines if having children is part of their life goals. More details will be covered in the FAQ under 'Isolation'. + +--- + + +**3i: Isolation, Introspection, and Improvement** +- + +**Isolation** +- + +Reducing your social time is more important than you might realize. When you're constantly surrounded by people who are sharing problems, gossiping, or engaging in trivial activities, it becomes challenging to maintain productivity and focus on your personal growth. It's easy to get caught up in social obligations that distract you from investing your time wisely. + +The uncomfortable truth, if you’re low value the people you know will be too. Like in the case of having hard limits when it comes to abstaining from hookup culture, on again/off again relationships, or dating unsuitable men, you should also be practicing discipline in these areas of your life if you’re not receiving any true benefit that’s feeding you and helping you become who you want to be. Solitude and going into nun mode where you’re turning off or cutting out unproductive social and romantic outings will give you time to reset, reflect, and improve. + +**To be clear, isolation is more than just cutting out social activity**; it’s about clearly looking at your life and removing as much noise and distractions that hinders your focus on true life signals. This means minimizing time spent on social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter), dating and messaging apps, lurking on internet forums for friends, refreshing Reddit, doom scrolling, tiktok and youtube shorts, binge watching shows, new channels and tv (important news that you will need to hear will travel to you by word of mouth if it’s important enough, it’s fine to stop watching the FUD cycle of ‘news’ channels), pornographic material, romance novels, video games, being out of action from hangovers and drug consumption, and other pastimes that waste your time. There’s a time and place for entertainment in the form of ‘work and relaxation’, but if it’s eating +40-80% of your time then it needs to be removed during your period of nun mode. + +This is a serious commitment that you shouldn’t half ass. You’re either doing it, or you’re not. **Three months of truly focused self-improvement can potentially do more for you than three years of halfway working on ‘goals’, ‘introspecting’, doing self-care, and maybe working on your relationships.** This is the power of committed intention and becoming values and goals centered. + +**This leads us to a few FAQ in regards to the aspect of isolation for women:** +- + +**1. Do I need to be abstinent or cut out all socialization during Nun Mode?** + +* Not necessarily. If you're a soft case undertaking Soft Nun Mode, your focus will be on minimizing distractions and non-essential social outings. However, quality social interactions, like spending time with a workout buddy, participating in group fitness or co-ed sports, or attending work outings, can still be part of your routine. Ideally, if you’re not securing the love of your dreams or at least really healthy relationships - socializing should not encompass more than 20% of your time (**EC note: you can chunk all your social time for the weekend, as an option, if you decide to solely focus on self-improvement M-F**). This approach ensures that you dedicate enough time for ‘glowing up' or growing up as a person who would attract the kind of partner you desire in life. + +**2. What if I meet the man of my dreams during Nun Mode?** + +* If you’re at the tail end of a successful Hard Nun Mode or are in Soft Nun Mode, don’t be afraid of serendipity. Allow the Nun Mode framework work for you; not you working for Nun Mode. Early hard cases should refer to question 3 about dream men. + +**3. What if I am a hard case and having children or my prime SMV years are passing me by?** + +* While the concern is understandable (and you can always make your own call) the price of poor vetting and entering dysfunctional relationships due to a broken picker, or having children without a solid foundation of wellbeing and functionality makes for a hard life. It's more beneficial to invest time into self-improvement, enhancing both your Relationship Market Value (RMV) and Sexual Market Value (SMV), this will make attracting a high quality partner easier. This better your chances of having a sustainable relationship and good partners for parenting roles. + +**4. How do I know when I’m done with nun mode and can stop isolating?** + +* There’s a variety of ‘end points’ when you’ll know that you’re ready to stop Nun Mode, but it generally involves one or a combination of the following: achievement of set goals, improved self-awareness, improved emotional and mental stability, reduced reliance on external validation, and healthier relationship patterns. + + +--- + +**Introspection** +- + +With your focus fine-tuned and distractions minimized, you can now dig deep, self-inventory, and ask yourself some crucial questions. This step is about checking in with yourself by learning about who you are, then you can determine where you’re going. + +Here are some RPW tools to check in and get an idea of where you’re at: + +* [Donuts_Or_Bust](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cqvy1v/nun_mode_at_34/ex03yii/) simple list of questions +* [Mod Laceandsilks list of questions](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7lc7sl/specific_nun_mode_tips_or_experiences/drl7eo3/) on personal roadblocks, discovering weaknesses, making sure you're happy and vetting + +Here are some priority tools to do self-inventory: + +* [Personal SWOT analysis](https://www.mindtools.com/aaiakpy/personal-swot-analysis) (some of the questions are geared towards work, you can reframe them by replacing 'work' with 'relationship') +* [Discovering Life Values](https://www.differencebetween.com/what-is-the-difference-between-terminal-and-instrumental-values/) (Circle all of the values that resonate with you for both lists and rank them by best 3) +* [Goals -- A RPW 2024 beginners guide on how to attain them](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/19d635t/goals_a_rpw_2024_beginners_guide_on_how_to_attain/?) + +--- + +**Improvement** +- + +If solitude and introspection are the psychological components of nun mode, then **self-discipline and self-improvement are the physical components of aligning your external world to the ideal vision within you**. If you’ve never practiced self-discipline to this level, it can appear to be routine, boring, or a burdensome chore. But infused with love, it becomes a powerful tool for growth and personal transformation. Discipline without love is drudgery. This is in a nutshell what all the self-improvement advice on self-love and self-care is about, without this added discipline it’s just self-absorption, procrastination, fear of failure, and putting important things off in the name of self-care. + +Here’s a general list of self-improvement activities that can get you started : +- + +**Soft Nun Mode**: + +* First [a classic post from ruby](https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7j5g00/for_single_ladies_late_to_the_red_pill_part_ii/) (covers broken picker/serial monogamy, settling for good enough, etc.) +* Stress management and becoming a soft place to land +* Losing weight and improving nutrition +* Improve makeup/fashion +* Picking up a hobby / group activity with mixed genders +* Read, study, and practice RPW material - consider writing field reports to keep accountable +* Deeply understanding personal values, setting higher standards, and practicing boundaries management +* Learning about settling for good enough + +**Hard Nun Mode**: + +* [Fixing a broken picker](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/l2ixof/how_to_change_the_kind_of_man_you_are_attracted_to/) by CountTheBees +* Studying disordered attachment styles +* Dealing with limiting beliefs and mindset challenges: scarcity mentality, negative self-image and self-talk, feelings of unworthiness +* Therapy for bipolar, depression, or other hard mental obstacles +* Poor or non-existent social skills (this is a outlier situation where you’re in the hard case category, but will also need to schedule in regular social outings) + +(refer to RPW Nun Mode Compilation for more examples) + +--- + +**Recap and Nun Mode Field Reports** +- + +Introspection and solitude are the ‘nun’ components of nun mode, on being able to leave the noise and distractions of the world and focus on intrinsically worthwhile goals and purpose. + +**The objective at RPW is not to become nuns and leave for the convents, but to be able to learn from and move on from junk activities and relationships and sustain self-improvement as a way of life in the pursuit of a lasting and happy relationship with a great man.** + +With that being said, here’s a compilation of Nun Mode field reports for a practical view of applying all of this theory: + +* **[RPW Nun Mode Compilation](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18k3fnk/rpw_nun_mode_compilation/?)**",,9,FastLifePineapple,1702770821.0 +RedPillWomen,18jw4up,"boyfriend says he wants a strong woman, can’t figure out how this fits into softer energy?","i (21F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for not too long, however we’ve been best friends with each other friends for about a year where we have vetted and gotten to know each other. we are currently in a short distance (1.5 hour train ride) away from each other and try to see each other every week/other week if possible. he’s also the one who introduced me to the redpill ideology and i am forever grateful for this. + +i respect and look up to him the most, he always treats me with kindness, takes on the dominant role, pays for everything, makes sure i’m taken care of. and i cater myself to be the ‘soft landing place’ for him, show that i appreciate him, always communicate and lean on him if there seems to be a problem arise, and don’t turn him down for sex whenever i can. + +on our last visit, which ended just yesterday, we both got extremely sick and were home sick for a few days. i will admit that i didn’t behave in the way i wish i would have - not taking the initiative to get supplies for him, not finding ways to make him feel more healthy and suggesting remedies, and also ‘regressing and acting like a child when i was sick’ which is a personal issue that i am now dealing with. however, this week, and the week before, my boyfriend told me that he wanted a strong women by his side, and when i asked questions regarding what he meant by that so that i could understand better, we were both stumped. + +he said he grew up with strong female influences around him, like his mother (who took care of three boys all by herself while also being the breadwinner and primary caretaker as his dad didn’t work and didn’t do much around the house), and his neighbor (who’s husband left and she was left to raise her kids by herself). i, however, did not grow up like this. my dad was the dominant one, but not in a healthy way, which left my mom unstable in her home and her energy. + +my boyfriend asked me if i thought i was strong, which i responded yes to and he agreed as i went through the rather violent death of my mother just over a year ago, now trying to pick up the pieces while also trying to find a career that suits me. but we both tried to discuss about what it meant to be a ‘strong women’ in his eyes. i know that he does want a woman who is feminine, traditional in the sense of showing respect, taking care of the house, submitting, following his lead, but also a woman who gives her opinion with things, is not indecisive, can roll her sleeves up and do the work. he likes the idea of a women ‘wanting but not needing him’ (strong independent women?), and doesn’t want a women who solely relies on him for every need. + +i’m not sure how this aligns with the softer, feminine energy, and would love some help or insight into how to showcase that ability, especially in a relationship that involves distance. i know that i can do, and want to do, better for him. + +tl/dr: what does it mean to be a strong woman and how does that correspond to the redpill ideology of feminine energy?",,27,darkksuns,1702747927.0 +RedPillWomen,18jkpru,Is anybody here a survivor of Schrödinger’s Patriarchy,"A Schrödinger’s patriarch is a BROKE house tyrant. A man that wants the benefits of patriarchy but won’t fulfill the roles of a patriarch. I was raised by one. + +This man believes that women should take care of household tasks because of social conditioning. But then becomes a feminist every time the society expects men to be providers. How convenient. + +Imagine being a wife of a Schrödinger’s patriarch. Your man lives off of you. You go to work for 8 hours and then cook dinner when you come home. Sometimes you cook lunch before you go to work because your “house” husband refuses to cook, and he will order take out if there’s no food. You come home and your house is a mess. You complain to your husband that your back hurts, your chest hurts, you feel out of shape, and so on. Your husband’s reply? “Aww poor you”. No yoga or pilates class because you don’t have time. Oh but you are still expected to look pretty, of course. + +I am a first daughter of a Schrödinger’s patriarch and his enabler. They made me a substitute wife every time my mom is at work. I don’t have a 9-5 job but I do have a job that’s almost as time consuming. They expect me to cook and clean because I’m a woman. But I also had to provide for 70% of my needs since I was in high school. Sometimes my dad do the laundry and then will compare his labor to mine (his daughter, if you are that high and mighty try comparing with your wife maybe?). My mom who’s always tired from work and is unable to rest in her femininity also keeps me on the edge because she’s easily upset. I am a punching bag. It was worse several years ago when my dad lost his job (actual abuse). Oh and once he blamed me for not helping around enough, which is making my mom tired and not want to have sex with him. + +I don’t know if what I went through is a unique experience of Schrödinger’s patriarchy, but it’s definitely linked. Especially in my situation, it’s definitely Schrödinger’s patriarchy. + +Honestly I blame feminism for making men so comfortable saying that domestic work is just regular human responsibilities instead of a labor they need to pay for. Now a man can preach “house work is just adult responsibilities, both men & women can do it” while the wife does most of the house work. All talk no action. But this isn’t even the root cause. Feminism just made men more shameless in taking advantage of strong independent women they don’t really like. + + I believe that a man that is grateful to have his dream girl wont put himself in a position where he can lose her. A man that truly loves his woman will provide for her despite being conditioned that 50:50 is okay. And to be honest, a man who loves his woman will also enjoy doing house chores because he would want to be around his wife. He would understand that work is 8 hours 5 days a week and domestic work is 7 days a week.",,50,Pro_softlife,1702706492.0 +RedPillWomen,18jd3tw,A Definitive Guide to Nun Mode: Part I An Introduction,"**Defining Nun Mode: What it is and Why** +- + +**What Nun Mode Is** +- +Nun Mode is a dedicated period of focused self-improvement, typically lasting anywhere from 6 months, and in some cases, extending up to 1.5 years. It’s a framework aimed at raising your personal worth, thereby attracting higher-quality relationships. + +This involves: + +> …improving your worth, and in turn, increasing the quality of person you are. …mitigating distraction and focusing solely on self-betterment by filling up your time with activities that improve you as a human-being. + +**What Nun Mode Is Not** +- +However, there's a common misunderstanding among some women in the community regarding Nun Mode. It's often mistaken for simply avoiding dating or seeking a romantic partner. + +> “It's observed that some women claim to be in Monk Mode (*Nun Mode) when, in reality, they are just not dating or looking for a boyfriend. While it’s perfectly acceptable to choose not to date, it’s important to recognize the potential consequences, such as missing out on prime childbearing years if having children is a goal.” + +This pattern is better described as ***Actively Remaining Single***, which should not be confused with Nun Mode. True Nun Mode is about proactive self-improvement, not just the absence of dating or being abstinent and doing self-care, and can last anywhere from 6 months or up to 1.5 years in more challenging cases. + +**Why Embrace Nun Mode?** +- +Nun Mode is not just about achieving a temporary ‘glow up’ or fixing a broken picker; it's about making introspection of your strengths, weaknesses, life values and goals a natural part of your daily routine. And actively applying these insights to improve yourself as a way of life. + +The ultimate reward of Nun Mode is significant personal growth, a stronger sense of self, emotional and mental stability, and the empowerment to not only recognize but also realize your life values and goals. By committing to this, you transform into a high-quality individual, ready to attract and nurture meaningful relationships. + +--- + +**The 3i’s and Soft Nun Mode vs Hard Nun Mode** +- + +Nun Mode revolves around **three key practices:** + +* **taking time for yourself and minimizing distractions** (isolation or solitude) +* **deep self-reflection** (introspection) +* **self-improvement** + + +Understanding the 3i's (isolation, introspection, and improvement), you can then **choose from two paths** depending on your personal circumstances and goals: + +* Soft Nun Mode +* Hard Nun Mode + +Your choice will determine how long and what type of isolation or solitude you'll be putting into use. + +**In the case of Soft Nun Mode**, where you're aiming for a quick ‘glow-up' — perhaps losing a bit of weight, improving your psychological femininity, or improving your fashion and makeup game — a moderate approach is more suitable. You might limit social gatherings that offer little in personal enrichment and take more than it gives, scale back or delete social media, and cut out other minor distractions that don't contribute positively to your life. + +The time you free up can then be channeled into productive self-improvement activities. These might include more focused and meaningful dating experiences, journaling, self-care practices, exercise routines, and investing in enriching your social circles and friendships. + +**On the other side is Hard Nun Mode**. If you find yourself in the 'harder' category — dealing with deeper issues such as consistently choosing the wrong romantic partners ('broken picker'), struggling with a severely distorted self-image, battling extreme neuroticism, dealing with aspects of Cluster B personality disorders, codependent relationships or entangled in disordered attachment style relationships — a more intensive Nun Mode approach may be necessary. This could mean embracing a period of actively remaining single and abstinence. For some, it might also involve setting firm boundaries or even stepping back from dysfunctional relationships with family members and friends. This phase is crucial for deep introspection and may require professional help, like therapy or counseling. The goal here is to engage in intensive foundational self-improvement to reach a healthy baseline. Only after achieving this level of personal stability and self-awareness should you consider re-entering the dating scene. + +--- + +**What's Next?** +- + +Now that you've dipped your toes into the waters of Nun Mode, being introduced to the '3i's and exploring the soft and hard paths, you might be asking, 'What's next?'. + +**In [Part II](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18k43ia/a_definitive_guide_to_nun_mode_part_ii_the_3is/) where we go deeper on the when, where, and how to Nun Mode using isolation, introspection, and improvement** we will also explore the potential pitfall you should keep in mind when practicing solitude. + +Beyond theory, we're also bringing you a **[compilation of Nun Mode field reports](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18k3fnk/rpw_nun_mode_compilation/)** on successful Soft Nun Mode and successful Hard Nun Mode for a practical view of applying all of this information.",,15,FastLifePineapple,1702681978.0 +RedPillWomen,18j8d76,Do you believe that religion is a necessary part of being traditional?,"Do you feel that it's a must? + +Do you believe a woman is able to hold on to traditional values without a faith in something greater? +",,15,AppropriateEbb5556,1702669186.0 +RedPillWomen,18j14nn,When he hosts his friends,"if your partner was having his guy friends over for a UFC night, what would you do? Im going to be home which im usually not. Im friends with all these guys. I was thinking of making them some appetizers such as buffalo chicken dip and and nachos and then spending a little bit of time with them, while leaving them to their fun. + +What food would you make ? +This is just a fun question. :)",,29,quesojacksoncat,1702649947.0 +RedPillWomen,18j1725,Family Advice Help,"Hello! I was just looking for some advice… 2 years ago, my grandma moved in with my Husband and I and for about a year and a half things were really great. For the first couple of months, we had two kids during this time and she would play for a little while with the girls. More recently, she would play for about a half hour or less than more or less live her life. She had space in the basement - the living room, bedroom, bathroom, and kitchenette. + +She was very grateful and lucky to live with us, until about May of this year. she started to grow almost resentful. Making rude comments about going to her “hole”, not spending as much time with the girls, etc. right around this time, she made a really rude comment to my husband, he stays home with our girls and she made a deragotorty comment like “oh well, you don’t deserve this because, you are just a stay at home Dad”. He tried to bring this up to her a couple days later about how it hurt his feelings, because he does also work, he is just the primary care giver during the week while I’m at work. Regardless of if he stayed home, he is still providing so much to our family. When he brought it up, she got really defensive and claimed he made it up (which he didn’t), but then from that day on, things got extremely tense and she avoided, ignored, made judgy comments about how our girls were dressed (I.e “oh no socks today?”), how we were raising them, and genuinely made it hard to live in the same house. In July we asked her to move out and she had a place lined up where she was on the waitlist, but we asked she be out sooner as that would be April 2024… so she found an apartment, and has been living there since August. We have had a couple family events and she will speak to me, but won’t talk to my husband at all. + +We did not invite her to our house for our annual Halloween Parade and did not invite her to the Christmas Program for our girls daycare. She recently called my husband and left a voicemail this week, basically saying she did not know what she did, but she is sorry. She asked that he call her so they can talk, and that she loves him, me, and the girls. Anytime we have brought up a frustration or issue in the past it is met with extreme defensiveness and never any ownership. Additionally, she has held grudges against people for several years over small comments they have made. I’m worried if we call her back that things will get worse and she will get defensive and blame us again. Additionally, I don’t know if not responding is the issue either. What would you do?",,3,Fair_Farmer_236,1702650131.0 +RedPillWomen,18inse8,RPW: How much does it impact your world view?,"I've posted here a couple times on another account when I was a bit younger. I eventually forgot about RPW, but then I kinda just started living it. I am in a happy relationship with a man that leads his own life and supports me in discovering my direction. I am very nurturing, supportive, bubbly, and loving. He is very up-front and decisive, while still being a deep and empathetic thinker. + +My personality and relationship falls very in-line with RPW and am and so comfortable and happy in my way of life that sometimes it's easy to forget -- *male led relationships and RPW aren't for everyone*. I don't want to look down on women that are just living their lives in all the different ways that bring them joy. I don't want to assume that ""beta"" men are living existences less worth living. Our individual personalities differ so much more than our sex characteristics.There are plenty of people who will find joy and fulfillment being submissive with their wives, captains to their husbands, or comfortably single. + +I love, love, love my life I'm building with my man. I love that he treats me like a princess and I treat him like a king. I love that his dreams and my dreams our now our dreams. And I want that for each and every one of us here since that's what we want. How do y'all balance these feelings? Is RPW just your relationship or is it your world view?",,17,Ok_Praline_2819,1702601927.0 +RedPillWomen,18i1uwv,Why are beauty pageants seen as a big deal for nations? And well showing of gorgeous women in general in events unrelated to pageantry like international diplomatic negotiations and catering food services to foreign soldiers stations and other big national stuff?,"In the novel Anna and the King of Siam, the Siamese King's diplomat thought it important to impress the British diplomats by taking some beautiful palace servants, dressing them in Western fashion, and training them in dignified mannerisms as seen by British people. + +So it provoked me the question- why do nations make it a big deal of choosing beautiful women as representatives and dressing them fancy along with making them learn appropriate etiquette and ""high class"" behavior? Not just in pageants but whenever they have diplomatic meetings, business deals, and other stuff do they always pick women who are the cream of the crop or at least take stunning women commoners (if they decide not to use the 2%) and train them to be regal in behavior? Is this a big deal in realpolitiks?",,5,YMCALegpress,1702533334.0 +RedPillWomen,18hv3er,"I am more successful than my boyfriend, and I resent it","I \[21F\] and my boyfriend \[21M\] have been dating for just over a year now. He is the most perfect guy to exist- he listens to my needs, gives me gifts all the time, delivers food to my house on a whim, pays for most things, gets me flowers just because, and we have amazing physical chemistry. He is my first and only boyfriend I've ever had, and has said that I am his dream girl- and acts like it too. + +&#x200B; + +The problem lies in our career and schooling. He took a year off uni due to mental health issues, and now has transferred into a lower tier school. He hasn't done any internships and has no real world experience other than being a phone salesman. + +&#x200B; + +For me, I've done three internships, two at F500 companies in tech, one in FAANG. Although I see myself being a SAHM in the future, I'd like to make some money before to support my immigrant parents and I truly feel I owe it to them, but I cannot see myself working a corporate job my whole life. Don't get me wrong, I want to be the submissive wife and nurturing mother after working a few years. + +&#x200B; + +I feel there is some resentment that I have because whenever I think about his career, a part of me gets turned off. I've never envisioned me being more successful than my partner, and although he does take care of me financially with dates and such although he makes $0 income at the moment and I make a decent amount of money from my internship, I feel bad (but never show it). In all my friend's relationships, although they may have other issues, the man is always more successful. + +&#x200B; + +I think the final nail in the coffin was when I was interviewing for an internship with big tech I secured for this summer- we both applied for the role and I got the job whereas he did not, although he has sales experience and I have no sales experience (its for tech sales). Although he is always very happy for me when I do get the job or advance in my career (such as taking me out to celebrate, etc) I wish he would be the one making the big career moves. + +&#x200B; + +I think he does have the drive. He says he's always applying to jobs and he does take school seriously, but I know he may not go to the lengths I would go to to secure a summer internship. + +&#x200B; + +I do everything in a feminine way- I do not talk career unless its a big thing such as me getting a job, and nurture and encourage him to apply for jobs all the time- I think I am playing my part as a feminine woman fine. I know we're both young and not done with school, so should I stick it out? What are your thoughts? I feel this is causing some power dynamic shifts in our relationship, and I may be left with a feminine man if it keeps up.",,12,anoncrush1,1702511830.0 +RedPillWomen,18hnntb,Help! Looking for a particular post/comment,"Hi , I read an old comment/post where a member described a “12 days of Christmas” gift she made for her husband. Sexy themed outfits complete with matching accessories and notes/poems. She mentioned another user who had helped her with the creative process of putting the boxes together. I’m trying to search and find the post but can’t!",,9,Moovmntstudnt,1702492461.0 +RedPillWomen,18hfui1,Ladies who manifested their HVM—what qualities did you want? Did you get them?,And how have they affected your relationship/life?,,21,littlemisslight,1702470950.0 +RedPillWomen,18haabk,The Real Reason So Many Women Are Doing OnlyFans | Lib Turned Red Pill Female Perspective,"[Vtuber red pill vid](https://youtu.be/zFVy9vPvrGA?si=mOhL7xsT9CAI-Z-q) + +I don’t hear this perspective often but I strongly believe a major reason so many women are turning to OF is because they won’t admit that working full time blows (especially in this economy) and they’d rather maintain their stance on feminism (independence) but also get the benefits of staying at home by leaving their regular jobs to do OF. + +Do you think my theory is on point or that I’m totally off base? Let me know what you think below :)",,39,venatrix_wolf,1702447880.0 +RedPillWomen,18h14ms,Shopaholic,"Ever since my husband and I got married, I’ve noticed my tendencies to shopping more. At first we both worked, but once I had my baby I stopped working to stay at home with her. I still love shopping but we only have one income. I know I need to fix this but I don’t know how to start. Of course, self control is needed but do you have any other recommendations?",,12,GloveFar5016,1702424639.0 +RedPillWomen,18gl4ue,"Anyone here who was formerly in an abusive relationship but left, healed and is now living the RPW dream?",Please share your story and give a girl (who is working on leaving her abusive marriage) some encouragement!,,15,littlemisslight,1702385354.0 +RedPillWomen,18gb279,"Is it wrong of me to expect my older boyfriend to teach me about ""adult things""","I (F22) have been with my BF (31) for over 2 years and I have always felt as he though he owes me his knowledge about how to do adult stuff, like taxes, finances, etc. + +Whenever I feel confused about how to do stuff or am doubting my decision about adult life choices. For example, what courses to take, what credit card to get, how to invest my money, etc. I like to get guidance and reassurance from him. It feel important to me to get his input and reassurance on this stuff. For context, he is very educated, knows a lot about finance, investing, etc. He goes to law school so he is also really good at interpreting fine prints of contracts. + +I feel attracted to him/turned on when he helps me with this stuff and feel frustrated when he doesn't. + +I feel like he is fulfilling his masculine role by making sure I am protected and making the right decisions. I know ultimately, that if I make a mistake on my taxes and owe money or whatever, it is my fault. But I feel like, if I made a mistake and didn't realize, but asked him to take a look prior to submitting to make sure and he didn't look because he didn't want to, then I feel like he failed to protect me from that. + +What led me to making this post now is because I asked for his reassurance about if I am okay to sign something and there will be no consequences. Which I am like 85% sure its okay, but I feel like I want him to look it over first to make sure. But he didn't want to look it over and was getting annoyed with me for asking. I feel frustrated about this. + +But when I reflect on this. It seems unreasonable for me to feel entitled to my partner's time, knowledge, and effort just because he is older/ more skilled than me. And that I am getting the protector role of a boyfriend mixed up with the parental role?",,30,bananacandy16,1702347408.0 +RedPillWomen,18g5nig,She doesn't work because she wants to concentrate on her feminity. But her husband's income is not enough for two people ???,"I have a female friend that inspired me to learn about the RedPill topic. I learnt a lot from her, but there is something that makes me wonder. + +As she (33) wants to concentrate on her feminine site, she does not work so that her husband is the provider. They are a nice couple and have a great relationship, but I wonder how she can live that life with so little security ? His income is not that high, I'd say for two peolpe it's it is actually too low to live in the present AND provide for the pension of TWO people in the future. (below 3,000€ net) Maybe she has a side income or support from her family, I am not a 100% sure. But it seems that she has great trust in his abilities and believes that one day they/he will get rich. + + +Now I ask myself: Should I take her as a role model as she really seems to trust her husband and really lives the ""feminine"" lifestyle? (not caring too much, giving financial responsibility away, trust, let go). Or should I trust my own instincts that say "" Never give your job up until your man can provide for you AND your pension a 1000% ? What if your man dies in a car accident tomorrow and is not a millionaire by chance so that you are standing there with nothing in your hands??? + + +What do you think about that?",,32,Remote_Meringue8,1702332275.0 +RedPillWomen,18g2xhg,Navigating Work Discussions in a New Relationship,"I'm currently exploring a promising relationship with someone I've been getting to know for four months, and I'm genuinely excited about where things might lead. He's in his late thirties and deeply involved as a co-founder of a successful tech company. Even though I have about six years of experience in the tech field myself, I've observed that he often leans towards discussing his work with me. +I've been enthusiastic and receptive to understanding his world, but I've come to realize that his work environment is exceptionally intense, filled with conflicts and complexities. These discussions tend to leave me feeling drained and overwhelmed. I've attempted to talk to him about it, inquiring how he handles such a high-stress environment. It appears that he thrives in this setting, handling conflicts with less sensitivity compared to my own approach. +While I genuinely want to offer my support and insights, the weight of these discussions takes an emotional toll on me. He's acknowledged that his past partners have experienced similar feelings, yet he's eager to share this significant part of his life with me. Striking a balance that feels both manageable and comfortable for me has proven to be quite challenging. +I'm seeking guidance on how to navigate these conversations about his work without feeling emotionally overwhelmed while still being supportive and engaged in our relationship. It's important to note that I don't foresee the nature of his work changing, so finding a sustainable way to manage these discussions is crucial for our relationship to flourish. Any advice from my fellow RedPillWomen?",,9,GoodApprehensive2371,1702325593.0 +RedPillWomen,18fv1fq,He doesn’t want children. Did I fail to inspire him?,"I’ve been dating a man for about 3 months now (known each other for 4 months before we started dating). I’m 31 and he’s 37. This is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever been in and the feeling of being at peace with someone is so comforting. (I had extremely low self esteem in my 20s and kept picking bad partners) + +Unfortunately when we spoke about the topic of children the other day he told me he does not want any, whereas I do. This is quite devastating to me as it’s a fundamental incompatibility issue and means we cannot be together in the long term, even though he’s such an amazing man. + +I do wonder however if I just did not fit his ‘feminine ideal’? + +Many times I’ve heard that wanting children will come naturally to a person when they’ve met their ‘soulmate’. I’ve always believed this to be true as I know of women who always said they wouldn’t want children, only to meet the perfect man and suddenly have children with him. I also know of a woman who dated her boyfriend for five years and he did not want to get married or have children. When they finally split up, the guy got married within a year to another girl and got her pregnant. + +So I guess I’m wondering, when a man says he doesn’t want children, is he actually just saying ‘I don’t want children with you’? + +I know it doesn’t change the outcome for me either way (we cannot be together) but it would be good to know if there are things I can do to inspire someone to want to start a family for the next time.",,7,-ladykitsune-,1702302807.0 +RedPillWomen,18f9ugw,Was told I'm a lady!,"Hello everybody! Quick field report I wanted to give. + + +I've been a faithful follower of RPW for a while now, and have worked at implementing various advice in my daily life. I was talking with a teammate/guy friend of mine, and he said that a lot of the girls our age (college) seem like 'girls' because they haven't really grown up, some are women because they're more mature, but that I'm more of a lady and that's rare. (I'm paraphrasing which is why this sounds clunky, it sounded more natural in conversation lol). + +I told him that was the best compliment he's ever given me! I'm extra proud of this as he's one of my MMA teammates, and as much as I adore the sport, I've struggled with feeling 'unfeminine' at times in that environment. + + +A few things that I've done, that I think helped lead to him saying that: +1) Dress cute but semi-modest; my outfits aren't exactly super modest, but I don't go to sparring in a sports bra and shorts. I also primarily wear dresses when I'm not in athletic wear +2) Openly express what I want, without being pushy or annoyed if I don't get my way; I think begrudgingly agreeing to something and then being huffy about it shows immaturity, and I notice some of my female peers doing that. +3) This is more of a personality thing, but I'm very happy and cheerful in general. I've had guys tell me it's nice how smile-y I am. +4) BIGGEST ONE: I don't say disparaging things about men. I used to jokingly say things like ""I hate men"" or ""fuck men"" with my friends when I was younger, but I'm actively working on avoiding those sorts of jokes, because I wouldn't be comfortable with a guy saying those things about women! + +&#x200B;",,48,Valuable_Place1265,1702232837.0 +RedPillWomen,18f33g2,"He is loyal, responsible and family oriented. Everything my ex who strung me along wasnt, and everything I thought I wanted after him. But..","But he is extremely stingy. He would never buy any new furniture, he will keep his old one which is decades old and ugly. He even wouldnt invest in small things like for example a kitchen shredder. His is old and rusty and he said he doesn't need a new one cause he already has one. It drives me crazy.. + +Does it make sense at all?",,7,Zealousideal_Dog3919,1702213145.0 +RedPillWomen,18edg8w,I made one comment in this sub and I got banned from other subs wtf,"I didn’t know this sub even existed until abt 30 mins ago. Then I commented on someone’s cheating husband validating op’s opinion that her husband did cheat and offering her support. Then I get a notification I am banned from other subs for being an incel??? + +Has this happened to anyone else beforeV",,71,Ok_Captain3855,1702127970.0 +RedPillWomen,18ekqgr,I'm a widow. I've been single and celibate for 16 years. I've only been with 2 men.,"Not having a lot of partners has always been important to me. I was raised to be biblically submissive. + +Now, that I am re-entering the dating world, all of the conflicting dating advice is confusing me. Is what I am, not what men want? + +*** I realized that someone called me Mr. I think it was a typo, but also my name is Tyler which is a traditionally male name, but I am a girl. I promise.***",,21,ctylerjamison87,1702149308.0 +RedPillWomen,18eca57,Signs he’s a good leader,"I’ve seen many comments bring this up lately. What exactly are the signs a man is a good leader, and not pretending? Especially early on.",,27,Independent-Hall4929,1702123691.0 +RedPillWomen,18cskp3,Struggling with less sex in my relationship,"Hey all, + +Thanks for reading. Feel free to read my previous posts for more context. Bf / soon to be fiancé (33) and me (24) are having less sex and it’s really having an impact on me. + +We’ve been dating for one year exactly but have only lived in the same city for 9 months. At the beginning it was the typical daily, sometimes more, frequency of sex. Now it’s an average of 3-4 times a week. I know this is still “healthy” and nothing to worry about but I don’t feel good about it. I’ve spoken to him at length and he says he loves me now much more than he did then, that it’s simply not the first few months anymore, and that he’s extremely focused on our business so sex is less of a priority. He’s also said it’s an age thing, that his friends of a similar age have also commented that sex is not as huge of a deal anymore as when they were in their 20s. + +My only other relationship was my ex who was my same age (we were together from 18 to 21 at the time) so obviously it is a bit of a difference. Bf has quit porn some months ago and rarely masturbates now, so I just don’t understand how he only wants it those times a week. We have to spend wayyy too much time together since we work together (hardly a way around this) and I keep telling him that this is probably why he doesn’t desire me as much (which he denies). I don’t ever reject him either which maybe doesn’t help because I’m just too available. + +I don’t know. I’m just struggling with the transition in the relationship and cannot stop thinking if this is how it is now, how will it be in a few years? It makes me feel super unwanted and just too young for this, as much as I love him and want to be with him. I do have a high sex drive and workout everyday, so I’m in shape etc. I think what kills me most is not the drop in sex but the feeling less wanted. In my last relationship I was super young and toxic so every time we’d get to a less intense stage, I’d break up with him and then we’d get back together. I would never do that now but I dislike the more routinely, less intense honeymoon stage. Even though we are closer now than before, we are just less intimate. + +I’m also considering spending as much time away from him as possible when I do have my free time (on weekends) so that I’m just not as available. I don’t know. I’m likely slightly overreacting, self sabotaging, over worrying as I tend to do, and it’s not like it’s his job to make me feel desirable all the time, but it is something that’s hurting me. + +And if we don’t have sex I just don’t have it in me to be as affectionate and then he complains and we grow more distant, etc. I feel like I just found out that most long term relationships don’t actually have super frequent sex and I feel betrayed, and it’s just not what I want, but I do want him. I was also celibate for 3 years before him, so sex is new to me again. any advice would be great. + +I also keep having toxic thoughts like oh, if I were a new girl you’d want me all the time. Which is true but like…doesn’t help me at all. He started having sex when he was like 14 or 15, and though not incredibly promiscuous he has been with different girls and used to watch porn in the past, so idk if he’s just desensitized to one person. And it’s also super cyclical as I’m sure it is for most of you. When I’m ovulating it’s more frequent, but when I hit pms/period times, not only do I already feel like shit but then he wants me less/complains I’m less affectionate etc so it just becomes a mess. + +I guess in conclusion it just hurts that I still want as much as we started out with, whereas he’s ok with less. Maybe not even from a sex drive perspective but from an intensity/feeling wanted perspective. I told him this and he said relationships would always evolve from this stage, and I’d just end up breaking up with every new guy to go on to the next, etc. idk I have this terrifying fear of being in a boring relationship. I’m not saying we are there yet, just a fear. Perhaps it’s up to me to find more exciting hobbies to fill my time (advice would be great.) + +I’m just worried to never experience a honeymoon period again and that from here on, it’ll likely just drop based on people’s average and his own response. + +Thank you all + + +Edit: every time I mention I’m looking into new hobbies/activities to do outside the house, he insists all I wanna do is run away from him. I am someone who needs a lot of personal space so living together is difficult but if anything, I’m doing it for my own good and the good of the relationship. It’s like he doesnt admit to himself being together so much is a problem ",,14,Consistent_Sleep_341,1701944148.0 +RedPillWomen,18c5dbi,Should Women Defend their Men from Feminists who Call them Misogynists for wanting Traditional Wives?,"I was recently having a conversation about Red Pill stuff with a male relative of mine who is also in his early 20s. We both come from a family that is mixed between traditional and liberal – with different people going different ways. We are both probably the most traditional leaning two in the family. + +We are both currently single but both want to be in traditional relationships (with other people, not each other) with the man as the head of the household and the woman as the nurture. + +I was talking about how the natural order of things is for the husband to go out and work and it is the wife’s job to nurture the home by doing things like decorating, cooking, cleaning, washing and so on. My relative agreed with me but seemed tentative. I pressed him for why he was hesitant and he told me that it seemed demeaning for women to be in that role. + +I pushed back and said that this was often how traditional women express their love for their husbands, household and children and that it was demeaning to call those acts of love demeaning. He then clarified and said that it “seems” demeaning, not that it actually is – probably because of new feminist ideas he has had pushed on him his entire life. He then said – for example – that he would not be able to just sit or go off after a meal and leave his wife to wash up, he would feel compelled to help her. + +I then told him that if he was at work all day to bring home the bread as a loving action to her, then it is only fair that she should cook for him and clean up. After all most meals he likes only takes 30 minutes to a hour to make and putting the crockery in the washing machine only takes 20 minutes at most. I then said that if he helped her or did it for her, he would be denying her a way to express her love for him by an act of service. + +He thought about it for a bit and said he would try to accept it but for some reason it still made him uncomfortable. He said he could probably get used to it in time, but only when they were alone. If they had people over – such as more liberal family members – he would feel compelled to help her to save face. + +I said that he should hold firm and display to his visitors how his household works – that his wife does the cooking and cleaning up as a loving act of submission to him to demonstrate a healthy, good and loving traditional relationship. He agreed but then brought up a rather fierce aunty of ours who would probably yell at him as she thinks it is usually fair for everyone to pitch in on everything. + +He said he would not be able to defend himself as speaking for his wife and saying she was fine in this situation would look controlling; he said he would need her to speak up and say that she liked serving him in such a fashion and insist on doing the dishes herself. + +He still seemed a bit uneasy. I asked why and he told me of a few occasions where he had been verbally attacked for having these views. “That is such a man thing to say”, “So you just want a slave?”, “Why should she do all the house work?”, “It is not the 1950s any more”, “Oh your poor future wife, I hope you never get married” – Those sorts of things. Apparently traditional men get attacked a lot by feminists who think they are subjugating their wives. + +So should it be placed more on the women to defend their traditional men from feminists? Obviously it is men’s job to protect women from attackers and danger; so should women return the favour? + +What sort of things should women say in defence of their men? + +* “No, I actually life serving my husband, it is how I show I love him” +* “He spends hours at work, the least I can do is cook and clean” +* “This is how he share the workload, this job is my duty, he has others” +* “How dare you talk to my husband like that” +* “I am perfectly capable of doing the dishes without my husbands help” + +Are any of those any good? + +So what do you ladies think? + +And are there any men here who have experience with being attacked for being traditional or being defended by your wives?",,55,TheRedPilledLurker,1701873603.0 +RedPillWomen,18c79tj,"Ladies and gents, what are different ways that men/husbands show that they value and appreciate their wives/women?","And what are ways that a wife can show her husband that she holds him in high esteem? + +I’ve recently learned from a relationship masterclass that, in marriages and relationships, it’s vital for men to hold their women at high value (appreciation), and women to hold their men in high esteem (respect). Obviously this goes both ways at the base level, but you should hold your spouse in the highest of regards with these. What are different ways that these can be displayed? Specifically the first one? I (24F) think I’m missing the ways that my boyfriend (24M) is showing his appreciation towards me, I don’t always feel like he values me, but I might not be seeing the ways he offers that to me. Please help😅 + +And the second part because, well, you can always learn more about how to love and respect your man.",,16,Twilight_Rose99,1701878833.0 +RedPillWomen,18ccg7o,Different interests - RPW approach,"I really love being in the outdoors hiking, cycling, walking even when the weather's not ideal. My ideal vacation would be a multi day hike or something active in nature. + +My bf is different - he's more of a homebody and often sits in front of a computer screen the whole day even when he is not working. I get it, everyone has different ways of relaxing. He really tries to make me happy but he would much rather prefer to be at home. + +When I have kids, I really would like for them to be screen-free and to spend as much time outdoors, in nature and I feel that this is where we are not aligned. I'm tired of feeling so lonely doing things myself and can feel resentment and envy building up as I see my couple friends doing all the things I would love to do. + +How should I approach this sensitively and work it out?",,6,Several_Macaron_1707,1701892212.0 +RedPillWomen,18c7fih,Partner often frustrated/negative at things in the world outside of me,"I've noticed that my partner often gets frustrated, annoyed or mildly angry at things that to me seem relatively minor. Some examples include frustration at other drivers, if the internet goes out, if his dog barks, if the he turns maps on and it starts talking to him before he's ready to drive/when he's already arrived at his destination. These have ranged from him calling the drivers names, scoffing, huffing, ""ugh"", or making jokes about it. He doesn't direct this towards me, aside from occasionally using a tone I don't appreciate when telling me to ""wait/hold on/let me do x"" if I ask something while he's doing something else. + + +I've raised to him how this bothers me, impacts my mood, and how I enjoy being around him when he's in a good mood. I've notices a big improvement in him not yelling at drivers and he's shifted to making jokes instead. Now he expresses outward anger less often but still often makes jokes, or just scoffs at stuff. + + +I can understand how a lot of this stuff is a mild annoyance but I let a lot of this stuff just roll off of me because to me it doesn't matter THAT much and I feel like it makes me more upset to focus on it vs just letting it go. I've explained to him how his mood and frustration impacts me, how the other drivers for example can't hear him but I can. + + +We were at a free community yoga class. It was taught in a non traditional way because the studio was using it to promote their teachers and it was also really busy. He made ""jokes"" about the things he didn't like about it and I could tell he wasn't having a great time. I get that it's not an ideal class but it was free and I feel like my approach is to enjoy things for what they are and look at the bright side, and that pointing out the negatives doesn't help anyone. + + + +I'm really torn about whether this negativity/frustration is a deal breaker for me. He treats me very well, clearly he really cares about me, always apologizes when he does something wrong, and even has started improving in a lot of these areas. He had mentioned how it was hurtful when I raised the driving example recently again because he felt like he's been improving in this area a lot and feels like what's the point if I make it sound as if he hasn't improved at all and is still doing the same stuff. I acknowledged that he's improved and is trying and I do really appreciate that but it still bothers me. I'm wondering whether this is just an incompatibility with our communication style/view of the world. + + +Thanks in advance for any advice and guidance!",,5,business_cats,1701879262.0 +RedPillWomen,18bhge9,Disappointed We’re Not doing anything for my graduation,"I’m graduating from grad school in a week and had been really stressed out about my parents coming for commencement as they are estranged and divorced. They would be visiting from out of state. My boyfriend suggested we would just celebrate the two of us instead and I agreed. However now that it’s a week away, he suggested we wait to celebrate till after Christmas and I’m disappointed and have a feeling we will never actually end up celebrating. + +Is this a stfu moment? I don’t want to be a nag but he is the one who suggested this. I didn’t ask him why the plans changed because I’m afraid I built it up in my head since we never actually picked out a date to celebrate, I just assumed it would be when I was actually graduating. + +I am trying to fight the resentment I feel brewing in me that he convinced me not to go to the ceremony because he really doesn’t deserve it. Any tips? + +Edit: we’ve been together for two years. In the past at the end of my first semester he offered to take me out to celebrate and never did I think that’s contributing to the anxiety and resentment I’m feeling now. + +UPDATE: I told him if he wanted to treat me i think it’s more special closer to my actual graduation date and he said of-course! I’m feeling very hopeful now!",,24,asoftepilogue,1701797844.0 +RedPillWomen,18bnoi2,"Women who are supported by their spouse/partner, how do you get him gifts?","My husband and I are genuinely curious. This is our first year married and we have fully joined all accounts and he does most of our bookkeeping. + +I mean I guess he won’t know exactly what the gift is just where it’s from, but wondering how y’all do Christmas?",,7,Huge_Scientist1506,1701813644.0 +RedPillWomen,18au18w,“Beta Batman”,"Hi all! + +As the “manosphere” becomes more mainstream, I’ve noticed in some of y’all’s post that pretty toxic/controlling behavior seems to be a bit of a trend. These boys will breathlessly growl in a Batman voice: “You are my responsibility… *heavy breathing* I am responsible for your safety. So, to keep you safe… you are not allowed to come out drinking with me.” And in the next breath throw a childish fit about not being “allowed” to go to a strip club! + +Hiding insecurity behind truly desirable “alpha traits” like being protective is 1. Very cringe, and 2. Makes it very difficult to vet or know what to look for. I use the term “Batman” because he always has come off so overwrought and contrived to me… his moral story arc is actually pretty shallow, and built on some pretty toxic/unlikeable traits. + +Below are some questions to ask yourself, next time you think you might be in the room with a “Beta Batman”: +- Is this genuine concern for my well being? Or is this a “preference” being foisted on me as a form of control? A concerned boyfriend saying “hey hon, you’ve been drinking a lot more than usual lately… we should take a break from alcohol, I’m concerned for you.” is a lot different than “you are *mine* and I demand that you stop going out because it makes me mad *nya*!” +- Is this secretly “negging”/tearing me down to puff himself up? Or is this criticism legitimate and I should listen to my captain? The difference between: “hon you told me you were going paleo… why did you order a bagel?” vs “woah are you going to eat all of that? Aren’t you concerned about your figure?” +- Am I willingly submitting to a strong and worthy partner? Or is a little boy demanding I cosplay a “submissive wifey” for him? Men who *demand* things like foot rubs/cold beer when they get home/dinner on the table at 6 tend to be cosplaying some version of “traditional relationships” before he has given you the commitment and benefits of marriage/long-term partnership that could merit such behavior. +- Has he earned my respect by being a strong and respectable partner? Or is he demanding respect without respectable actions to go with it? Shrilly screaming “you will respect me!!” and throwing a tantrum is not how a truly masculine man behaves. +- Does care and consideration flow both ways? Or are you pouring and pouring into a broken vessel (or, to frame it another way, are you flinging cash at any cab going past without its lights on)? Is he emotionally available, or do you feel the need to pry availability out of him? + +I don’t usually make posts like this, but lately I have seen so much more of this behavior cropping up in our group - women who think these “alpha behaviors” (which are not really good captain behaviors!) are something desirable or tolerable to screen for. + +Respect a man worthy of respect. Love and serve a man worthy of love and service. Women in male-led relationships are not doormats to any man who walks along… being highly selective is the tradeoff for the vulnerability, service, and value-added things RPW give their partners! + +Thoughts?",,53,Scared-Tea-8911,1701723195.0 +RedPillWomen,18a4xfa,Should I (f18) let my bf (m18) go clubbing?,"My bf (m18) and I (f18) have been together for almost a year. We are doing great and we really value communication. That brings me to about a week ago when we talked about hanging out in the weekend and he said that he and one of his buddies would go out to drink (clubbing or whatever) he asked if that was okay and I was stumped. He then said he was just kidding and don’t plan on drinking or going out but he didn’t like the thought of me limiting him. +Now I know I sound like a jealous or insecure girlfriend, but through out our relationship we have both quit drinking (it’s legal where I live) completely and we don’t really go to parties. That is just where our boundaries are. +He says that I can’t go out because he says my safety is his responsibility and he can’t control what happens if I’m out drunk. And I respect that. We both agreed in the start of our relationship that going out was a single people activity that we wouldn’t participate in. +But now he says that he has grown and learned that going out for a drink isn’t just to get girls but for business (I think that sounds a little macho and that real business can be made elsewhere) +He said that he wanted to know where my boundaries were so he knows and won’t cross them. I said that I didn’t want him to go clubbing and that’s where my boundary is. But now I can feel that he isn’t satisfied with my answer and tells me that it’s me who doesn’t trust him. (I feel like that’s unfair because I do trust him, I just have boundaries) +And now he is bringing it up every time we’re together. +I have tried to make it work for both of us and pushed my own boundaries by saying that I guess it would be fine if they went to a small pub or something, but he says that I should be large and it doe matter if it’s a small pub or a strip club because it’s about trust. +I don’t know what to think, it would help a lot if anyone has suggestions for an alternative or give me their opinions + +TLDR: my bf wants to go clubbing for “business” even though it’s crossing my boundaries and now he is trying to change my mind and saying I don’t trust him",,6,Majestic_Chemical_86,1701641653.0 +RedPillWomen,189q9di,Help!! How do I slow down a progressing dating phase?,"I’ve (18F) been seeing someone (18M) for a week. We met through mutual friends and he’s been so nice and respectful so far, yesterday was our first date. I feel like things are moving a bit too fast for my comfort, he asked me to come over and make out with him later this week and stuff. It’s getting very touchy very fast and I don’t know how to slow it down. I think he’s super nice but I don’t know if I want to be touched super fast.",,14,New_Initiative_2134,1701596731.0 +RedPillWomen,18a5y0d,How soon do you have to kiss a new guy you started dating? (I prefer to take it slow),"How soon do you **have** to kiss a new guy you started dating? + +I've had relationships before but those started out as friendships and by the point we'd gotten to our first kiss we had been friends for a year or so already. I prefer to get to know a new romantic partner over a longer time before I feel ready to do anything physical, even hand holding and I am finding it challenging navigating dating apps where I feel that women are expected to get physical with men fairly quickly, e.g. kiss on the second date or sleep with them by the 5th date. + +My current problem: +I've been on 5 dates with a guy and I really do like him, I enjoy his company and I could potentially see a future together and I feel chemistry and am attracted to him but I also am not feeling ready yet to kiss him. Since the 2nd date he's asked to kiss me or at least hold my hand but I just don't feel ready to yet and it's led to an awkward moment in all of our dates where I keep rejecting his attempts to hold my hand or kiss me. + +I suppose I prefer to go slower in relationships, just because that's what feels good and feels right to me. It's not because of social convention or religion or anything else, just a gut feeling (or maybe I'm sapiosexual or just feel comfortable with a slower pace), and right now the following are all true: + +1. I really like him and enjoy his company and feel attracted to him +2. I do not want to hold his hand or kiss him but I do want to keep dating him + +3.If I had to kiss him in order to keep dating him (because of social convention) then I'd just break if off as right now kissing him would make me so uncomfortable. + +My question to you, is what is the longest time I could put off kissing a new person I'm dating for? Can I just get to know him for a few more months (just like you would if you started off as friends first?) +Or Is it awkward if you don't kiss them after the 6th date? + +I am feeling pressure from him to kiss him and at some point I need to make the decision of ""do I break up because I don't feel ready to kiss him yet"". How long is it reasonable to date but not kiss for?",,0,Bright-Garden2720,1701644408.0 +RedPillWomen,189h7y4,My (20F) boyfriend (26M) cant let go of my past but doesn’t break up," +My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months, we met through mutuals and instantly there was a lot of chemistry on our first date. +Since I was single for a while after a very traumatic break up/relationship , I didnt want to take him so seriously from the start to avoid getting hurt or played. I was stupid and disclosed a lot about my past in detail since I thought we wouldnt go anywhere. + + I have a pretty low amount of sex partners in the past and I tried being as understanding and taking accountability for my lack of self respect in the past for him and myself. + +I’m in love with him but because of this issue we have been fighting and he has been more frustrated at me, I’m very understanding but I feel like I am being abused for that. He said I have all the things he is looking for and he loves me but this one thing he can’t let it go. + +We are not talking right now and he hasnt reached out, I am worried that even if I have 99% of what he wants and has with me he will leave to go find and settle for someone that only has that 1%. +I have taken accountability on my mistakes, I removed all guys from my social media, took down promiscuous pics, removed whoever tried to flirt with me, but he thinks that at some point I will go back to that and I don’t know how to show him I won’t, because I did those things cause I finally respect and hold myself to a high standard now, I want to be able to treat him the way he deserved and never got in past relationships but I am afraid he will treat me as less because of this. + +**TL;DR;** How can we come back from this?",,14,PuddingLow1059,1701563312.0 +RedPillWomen,188qrxb,How to make HIM the leader - not you - fast!,"If you're in a stable relationship, but are interested in the process of changing roles from leader to being led, here are some tips that will flip your dynamic safely and quickly: + +1. Ask him to establish roles between you two. Ask him enough ahead of time, before events or shared commitments. You can add your input, but avoid deciding, dampening, or brushing off his ideas. + +2. Identify when you are the most sad. When you are in a bad mood, this turns him away from you to seek other mood-lightening distractions. You may be your most sad before your period, after you see your mother, or during exam season. Make it a priority to identify those patterns, and make a hardy plan towards mitigating them for yourself. Share successes below! + +3. Give him more of what you want to receive. This sounds counterintuitive, because we want him to do all the 'right' things, first. But if you buy him more gifts, give him more compliments, or clean up after him - this might invite the idea into your relationship that you can do these things for one another. + +4. Every night before bed, massage his feet/calves/arms/shoulders (whatever he works with the most). Just start doing it every night from now on without a special announcement. + +5. Have an iron backbone. Respect yourself, adorn yourself, forgive yourself. Stop speaking ill of yourself or dwelling on your past mistakes. Just stop! Do not agree with him, or with anyone, if they ever say insulting words towards you. Practice saying "" I think you meant ..... because I am not as you said."" + +6. Don't make jokes on his expense in front of others. Even if he laughs, says it's okay, or reciprocates. If you can't meet your friends without letting some slip, literally bite your tongue. If your humor exposes him when you drink, don't drink anymore.",,59,flower_power_g1rl,1701476442.0 +RedPillWomen,188xv4l,How can I become free from abusive mother to start my own family one day?,"I really need advice on what to do. I live with my mentally ill abusive mother, and she takes financial advantage of me which is stopping me from being able to prepare for my future & a life with more freedom one day. I spent the past few years building an online business that has finally made it possible for me to make a solid living as a 32 year old disabled autistic woman. Before that I was employed full time aged 16-27 I was forced to leave school & pay all of our bills & I wasn’t allowed to go to university or start a family or do anything most people in their 20s get to do. I was completely miserable in employment & with my mother being financially irresponsible & squandering my hard earned money & I had several breakdowns that resulted in my hospitalisation. I was late diagnosed with autism in my 30s (I went through medical neglect most of my life) & it’s been a huge relief & help understanding myself & that helped me to build this business which is very profitable & accommodates my needs. But the problem is because we live in a council house (we are in UK, I think they call it section 8 in America, basically we live in social housing provided by government for poor people) I’m not allowed to keep my own money to save, they have access to my bank account & so does my mother so I can’t even save up to move out, she either uses all my money or the council take it. I feel trapped & don’t know what to do because I finally am making good money now doing something that’s sustainable for me but it feels pointless I deliberately am turning down nearly all my sales and just making the bare minimum to survive because I’m sick of not being allowed to keep my own money & have any hopes for a future for myself. I feel really sad that I’ve missed out on so many normal things people my age have done & it sucks because I make great money & by rights I should be able to be free to live my life how I want but because of my mother & the way that the system works here I’m stuck & so I’m wondering what should I do? ",,10,New_Addition_312,1701499665.0 +RedPillWomen,188wxrf,"New to Reddit, needing assistance with submission","Hello there! + +I am new to Reddit and still learning the ins and outs, thank you in advance for reading my post! + +My husband and I have had an ongoing problem with my ability to submit. We have been married for twelve years and he is not only my partner in life, but the love of my life and my best friend. I want nothing more than to give him the support, care, softness, and love that he deserves as my husband. The problems I have with submission are more than likely due to childhood trauma and toxic males in my family. I desperately want to make him happier and fulfill my desired role in our marriage. He provides for me, protects me, and gives me everything I could ever ask for in a man. + +If any other members of this group can give me some advice on how to better myself and be the best wife I can be, it would be greatly appreciated. I don't have any positive examples to go by, and I was hoping to find them here. + +Thank you all again!",,5,Fox_in_socks1112,1701496072.0 +RedPillWomen,187m4fg,"How do I as a new mom regain the lighter, fun, and more whimsical side of life?","New mother here…it’s weightier than I thought. Society seems to tell me I need to give every ounce to motherhood. I miss feeling like a woman. I miss the fun and excitement of getting ready and feeling attractive. I mostly miss the lightness of everyday joy I had…the freedom from guilt in buying something seemingly small for myself. + +I think RPW might get close to having a good balance with pursuing attractive appearance, happiness as a wife, and motherhood. I also think husbands have a great opportunity to take the weight off a mother and redirect her attention to the girl and woman she once was. Sex got the baby here in the end. + +So mothers, how did you reconcile the disparate ideas of a sacrificial mother and a goddess of fun and light? I don’t think Laura Doyle had any kids, did she?",,30,intonine,1701360542.0 +RedPillWomen,187euz7,Relationship advice,"Hi everyone new here!! +So I had a boyfriend who was a pilot and we broke up two months ago. +Now I decided to go back to dating but every time I go out with a guy and we actually link after sometime they say the don’t want a relationship with me. I am not needy or I am constantly asking for things from them. +The most upsetting situation was this guy we had a great time during this past week, dates and everything, he told me he wanted to continue this to a more serious level and one day later sends audio messages crying saying he really likes me and feels this a loss but that we hadn’t connected. + +The thing is I have alopecia and I don’t have hair on my body but I wear wigs and use makeup that no one that knows wouldn’t be able to tell. ( I make them aware in the first date if they don’t want to continue is fine ) +I think it maybe because of that I don’t have a relationship because guys just don’t want to have a girlfriend who is bald! + +If you can help me or if I have to do anything diferent!",,9,Necessary-Sun-8411,1701337455.0 +RedPillWomen,186otdl,My boyfriend keeps telling me how attractive other women find him and it’s starting to irritate me,"My boyfriend(M25) keeps telling me(F27) how attractive other women find him and it’s starting to irritate me. The other day he told me that often times girls would go after his friends but would end up liking him and telling him he is attractive and then yesterday he was telling me how his friend used a photo of him and himself on a dating apps and often times his matches would ask his friend if they could date him and not his friend because they find him attractive. It bothered me at first but now I’m like I’m not too sure why you’re telling me this. I get it you’re attractive, women want to be with you. Good for you. I am by no means jealous, but I don’t like it when people come off as arrogant because they are attractive. In my opinion, no one picks their physical appearance if you’ve been blessed with attractiveness, embrace it and be quiet. I don’t understand why he keeps telling me this. + +Tl;dr my boyfriend keeps telling me how attractive other women find him and it’s irritating me.",,57,QueenKaay13,1701262739.0 +RedPillWomen,186uy7t,"I want to work part time and focus look after the home , I don’t think my boyfriend will approve","I am currently a college student. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months and we both really like eachother. As of now, I have quite a lot of days that are off(study at home days) but I will graduate next year as a health care professional. + +My boyfriend is a junior doctor and he seems very keen for me to work in this job when I graduate. + +I also do all chores around the house- I cook every meal, do all the cleaning and washing. + +The home life really appeals to me. I think I would work full time initially and then go down to part time. Would this be a lazy thing to do? I’m worried my boyfriend would find me lazy, as I get this impression. + +Any advice would be welcome",,17,Valuable-Pizza-9713,1701278926.0 +RedPillWomen,186disq,Partner & Onlyfans,"A little bit of background, I'm a SAHM to 3yo twins. +I have been lurking in this forum for sometime on my main account and I have been doing my best to provide a happy loving home for my family. +My house isn't always the cleanest with twinadoes, but I put in effort and make sure I always greet hubby with a smile when he comes home. +I was under the impression that everything was going great. We have had a couple of bumps due to parenting style differences, but I've always tried to make sure we discuss in private so I don't undermine him in front of the kids. +I did put on 50kg, during pregnancy during the COVID lockdown. I ate a lot, and the gyms were closed. I have lost 30kg so far and I am still on my path for a healthier lifestyle. I should note my hubby also put on substantial weight during that time as well, and he has made no efforts to improve. I haven't critiqued him. I do just want us all to be healthy so we can have a long life together, and I try to reflect that in providing good home cooked meals for us. +I only mention our respective weight gain as he mentioned his own as a contributing factor. + +Recently we visited my family in a different state. His phone alarm went off and when I turned it off, I saw on his notifications an option to close incognito tab. I saw it was a 100 dollar gift voucher. Confused I invaded his privacy and investigated. I initially thought I had stuffed up and not sent money for a baby shower we were supposed to attend. + +I discovered messages between multiple girls on Snapchat, kik, Instagram, telegram, onlyfans. I saw offers of money, Gift vouchers sent, lash extensions bookings he made, videos exchanged. He asked for custom videos and sent dick pics on return. +I feel shocked and betrayed. + +When I tried to discuss it with him, he called himself names. He said it wasn't my fault, he was a sex addict, a piece of shit. He said he's been feeling depressed, and he's unhappy with how he looks. That it wasn't really cheating as he never met up with any of them. He said he would stop. And told me he would delete everything off his phone. He also told me when I asked about his accounts being created two years ago that he multiple times felt very guilty, and stopped for several months. ""When he felt things were good between us"". But then he would start again after looking at Instagram ""eye candy"" and clicking on links. + +I just feel like it's my fault. We average having sex 4 times a week, but he plays videogames 3 nights a week and comes to bed past midnight and with kids who are up at 6 I deny him sex usually on those nights when he tries to wake me up as I'm too tired. I would give him oral while he watched porn so maybe I was inadvertently saying it was ok to do this. I thought I made it clear that I won't be doing that anymore as I think moving forward sex should just be us in the bedroom. But last night he asked to watch porn after I started giving him oral. That request has sent me into a tailspin, I rolled over and cried. He said he thought it was just until we rebuilt our relationship. It's been 4 weeks since I discovered everything. + +I put on weight so maybe I just am not attractive enough anymore. + +I don't know how to move forward. Obviously I'm going to try to work on myself, and my body image. I guess I've been living in yoga pants and sneakers for too long too. + +I just feel in utter turmoil. +He is a great dad, and a good provider for our family. We work well together as a team normally and I honestly thought we were very happy. I just feel like I was oblivious to the reality. I missed all the signs that he unhappy. +I love him very much but I feel betrayed, and I don't know how we rebuild after this. + + +I don't know what I'm asking for here, I just feel lost. +I feel like I need an action plan, but I don't even know what action.",,43,windowgoose,1701222632.0 +RedPillWomen,186jojy,Did I sabotage a potential relationship by being needy and asking for communication early on?,"I (female) at 24, have recently decided to start dating men and possibly finding a relationship. Not dating before was a choice I made for many reasons including depression and only wanting serious long term relationships (which I finally feel ready for). +I started seeing a guy(M30) and was open from the start about my situation and having no experience. First date went okay, except for the fact he invited me to a coffee shop then proceeded to not order anything or asking me if I wanted anything, when I went to order a coffee for myself the barista asked me if were with that guy and then they gave me the drink for free. +I brushed it off, decided to go on a second date where we watched a movie and had dinner (I paid for my dinner which is understood). And I’ve been trying my best to text and stay in touch but he leaves me on read for a minimum of 14 hours. Last time we wanted to schedule date he said “let’s do something else” then didn’t reply to my texts for the rest of the day. +I thought I was being smart by telling him today that I’m sorry but i really need more communication and reassurance and respect of time between us because I care about being in good terms with you. And I basically got two paragraphs saying that it’s not a big deal that he reschedualed, that he is being extremely accommodating with my lack of experience, I have not allowed him to kiss me or hold my hand and that other guys will be assholes to me once they know I’m a virgin. +I’m honestly seriously shocked from getting such reply. Mind you the guy never initiated to hold my hand and kiss me at all within the first two dates so I’m not sure where that came from. And I thought I was being smart by being honest and open from the beginning. +I know it sounds like he’s not a very nice person, but did i really screw up and end a relationship early because of what I did?",,15,stellaok,1701242152.0 +RedPillWomen,186dn7m,How do you let go & let him lead?,"This one is especially targeted at those with anxiety. What are some techniques you employ in order to let go of that incessant part of your brain, and trust that everything will turn out ok, even if you have no control over the situation?",,20,CharacterOrdinary551,1701222963.0 +RedPillWomen,18626ni,Advice for young girls seeking commitment,"Hello ladies, + +I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately about girls struggling to get commitment. I’m about to get engaged after only 11 months of dating (known each other thru work for about 1.3 yrs and having lived in the same city for only 9 months). And I’m 24 btw. It’s a long story as to why I say about to get engaged vs engaged—feel free to read my other posts—and it could all fall apart, sure, but I doubt it highly and even if it did I would use this advice on myself to attract a husband. I’ve had to cut it bc Reddit wouldn’t let me post it bc of length + +Edit: see comment below about men being like cabs. If he isn’t ready, NONE of this will matter! He’s just not + + +1-looks matter. Most men love a natural average face girl as long as she has a banging body. So get a banging body. Get in shape. You will feel and look amazing. This is a must. There are so many hot fit young girls out there, why would he settle for one who isn’t and why would you not be your best self? Beyond this learn what colors work for you, makeup, clothing, and hair wise. No, blonde isn’t always best, depending on your undertones, contrast levels, etc. Study beauty, it pays off trust me, plus it’s really fun. Just be your best physical self that is as natural looking as possible, but also gorgeous :) I work as a content creator so I do a bit of injectables which help me be more confident. For me they’ve made a huge difference but aren’t necessary by any means. + +2-Don’t be a doormat. Men don’t want to marry one and won’t respect one. Here’s who they do respect…a woman with boundaries and standards. For me that meant no sex before being bf/gf and not living together before engagement, and smaller but equally important things like him paying dates, him respecting my alone time, etc. Decide what are yours and do not settle. It took me 3 lonely years of 0 sex or intimacy to find what I wanted and I do not regret it, plus it made me more valuable in his eyes. Especially considering that I was dating a lot during that time and the temptation to hook up with high value men was high. + +3-Surrender/let him lead. This has been a struggle for me as I grew up feminist and independent etc but I’m slowly unlearning and seeing the benefits. My own partner constantly asks me to just surrender to him and trust him/receive him. It feels scary but good. I recommend Laura Doyle whom I picked up from this sub :) + +4-Bring value. Your value is in your loyalty, in the peace and healing energy and radiance and femininity that you bring. This is invaluable to men. If he wants a woman who knows how to cook (most men do even if they don’t say it) and you don’t know how (me) learn. This will show him you care about fulfilling him. Anticipate his needs, refill his coffee, water, etc. + +5-Brings me to sex. (Once committed) Enjoy it! And become as good as you can especially with bj’s and don’t turn him down frequently. I struggle with the notion that men like variety and I’m only one woman (and he no longer watches porn), so I’ve been trying to implement role playing but I am insecure in the variety aspect, so any advice would be appreciated. + +6-Brings me to age gap. My bf is 9 years older. He still has a sex drive of course but Is extremely focused on our business unlike my ex who was my same age and only cared about sex. I recommend dating older, especially over 31, as these are the age when (some) men decide they want to start a family etc. However know you’ll have to give up some things as a result (mindless partying or juvenile immature things). I sometimes struggle with the maturity part, but the point is that you should both be mature and understanding of exactly what you want, what your values are, and what you’d give up vs what you wouldn’t. + +7-Inspire him and always be improving. The grind never ends. It can be exhausting but rewarding. We cannot settle in this life, we must always be pursuing our higher/best self. This means different thing to different people and it should never be pursued for a man, but rather for yourself. However this will also keep them interested and likewise improving himself. Inspire them to be their best version. Support him and believe in his vision. And if he wants kids and has told you, tell him you can’t wait to raise his beautiful children and that you believe in him, etc. Men need this from their women. I too struggle with being negative sometimes but it’s a learning process. + +8-Respect his space / alone time/ time with friends. Don’t be always pursuing him. I don’t have friends at the moment but I am introverted and require alone time to recharge so this helps. + +9-Embrace who you are. In a world of constant comparison bc of social media and endless femininity content / advice, if you’re like me you can feel as if you aren’t feminine enough or cool enough or wifey enough. Interesting though, it’s not being some cookie cutter spineless girl that is attractive (to the right guy) but one who is authentic and comfortable with her shadows and flaws. My voice sounds a bit like Jennifer Lawrence’s depth wise and I’m 5’6 while boyfriend is 5’8.5, so I often struggle with feeling like this feminine flower. However there is not one size fits all and we are meant to embrace our unique attributes. Still working on this but I try to keep it in mind. + +10-Lower standards. Not in a settle way but in a “marry him” by lorry gotlieb way. We all want Michele Morrone but 95% of us aren’t anywhere near his “market value”. And let me tell you, most of us would be miserable with a man like that. It’s good to be humble about ourselves when we fall into an excessively hypergamous mentality (I suppose same with men with polygamy). My bf isn’t rich but he is a natural leader, ambitious, hard working, has a vision and comes from a good somewhat wealthy family. I have faith that with my support to his vision we can make it. + + +11-Finally. Cultivate a sense of destiny and/or religious faith. Both trust in the process instead of desperately seeking, and look out for signs/the chain of life/God that will bring you to him (check out The Alchemist). He’ll likely notice too and it’ll only make the relationship more valuable. And let it be his idea on the timing / commitment steps. You don’t want to trap someone who isn’t ready. + +Hope this helped even if only a bit. Best of luck :)",,30,Consistent_Sleep_341,1701194257.0 +RedPillWomen,185vm1f,Withholding Premarital Sex Age 40+,"Hi folks, so I gleaned that men marry to have kids. Here's the deal. They look for post fertility women for sex. This creates a dilemma. + +So, do the old rules from the 2010s even apply, or do men expect women of a certain age to automatically consent to casual sex? Is it even possible to withhold premarital 40+ ? + +When I was in my 20s and early 30s, both guys and girls in NYC valued sexual purity. This isn't just one culture but across the board. The term body count was known in my 20s. + +I don't come from a tight knit ethnic community and Im open to date all ethnicities, so the majority of people I know have family origins outside NYC, and participate in the mainstream culture. + +You had folks staying pure until 32, 33 and it was considered ok. Maybe 1 in 20 people were in the clubs but they sought to repent their ways. + +But idk what even happened after that. Seriously what happened in the late 30s to early 40s seems to have been a huge slide into hookup culture and memory holing of the previous situation. + +So, it's sex a by the 3rd date or you're blocked, culture. I found this out by polling my friends on sex and talking to people in dating oriented venues. + +Everyone tells me that the majority of women my age in NYC and even the South are single moms who have boy toys and that someone my age whose inexperienced is ""creepy"". + +I asked for constructive criticism and it was one's body count being too low, and not having ""grown up in the clubs"". Terms like prude, and get with the times were used. What was once a cherished value, is now a dis. + +So, doing casual daygame, it seems that most guys are either seeking platonic or sex from women 35+. Why has it changed so much? I thought it would be better because guys were less horny at our age. Any thoughts?",,9,SquirrelofLIL,1701176796.0 +RedPillWomen,185h33p,How do I find a good man?,"I’ve (22f) been dating for about a year now. I know dating apps aren’t worth anything so I’ve deleted them and started going outside more to parks, coffee shops, bars, etc. Yet, I only meet guys wanting to hookup. (I’m not opposed to sex but I like to wait a while.) I want a serious relationship with anyone. +I want to start getting ready for settling down and getting ready for a family. Apparently that scares everyone away. I tell them upfront I’m dating for marriage, I want to be a housewife or work part time, I believe in traditional roles and other basic things. +I see everywhere online dudes talking about wanting to be passport bros to find a submissive woman because there are none in America. BUT IM RIGHT HERE!! I have a degree, I take care of myself mentally and physically, and I think I’m good looking. +Where do I find a man that’s ready and willing?",,40,Ummmz,1701127299.0 +RedPillWomen,185tch9,"I can’t make a post, help!","Hello! + +I wrote some commitment advice/a guide for young girls on this sub but it’s not letting me post it. It is quite long so maybe that’s it, but I keep getting the message “sorry something went wrong” and doesn’t let me post. Thoughts? + +Thanks!",,4,Consistent_Sleep_341,1701168713.0 +RedPillWomen,184u38d,Am I doing the right thing?,"I’ve (25f) been dating a guy (35m) for three months and desire a relationship with him. Things have been going well so far, but once we got to the three month mark, I wanted to make our relationship official, so I breached the infamous “what are we” conversation. + +He told me he’s really busy with work and doesn’t want to start a relationship when he doesn’t know where his career is going to take him, but does want to be in a relationship with me when he feels things are more settled. I told him that I totally understand, but I also have to move on because I’m dating for marriage and it doesn’t seem like he can offer the first step (a relationship) right now. + +Of course it hurts me to move on because I really like him and truly feel like he is the one for me, but I also want to be realistic. I keep asking myself: If he can’t offer me what I want, why should I stick around? + +Am I doing the right thing by giving him space to figure things out and letting him come back to me when he’s ready or do you recommend that I show my “loyalty” by sticking by his side despite not having any sort of commitment? + +Context that I don’t know where else to add: +- we haven’t been intimate as we’re both Christian +- I haven’t spoken to him in a few days, but he’s been reaching out to maintain contact +- please don’t hark on the age gap, we are actually very compatible values and goals wise",,24,studyofa,1701057980.0 +RedPillWomen,184va7d,How do you know your SMV/RMV and All the guys are taken,"We all know that past performance isn't indicative of future results and that you can't time the market. However there are guidelines. + +Here's the deal. How do you know what your RMV or SMV are and when you're settling? + +Also how do you deal with everyone being married already at your age (35+/40+). Any thoughts, strategies.",,7,SquirrelofLIL,1701062067.0 +RedPillWomen,1842vvd,Am I going for guys that are out of my league?,"I’ve posted here before and I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve backtracked more than I’ve made progress. I’ll make 2 strides forward then set myself back by 5 strides. I posted here last because I was concerned about my high body count. It hasn’t changed by much (only 1) but I’m disappointed in myself for continuing the patterns that caused my high BC. I have serious self-control and impulse issues. + +Logically, I knew the right decision was not to sleep with the most recent new man I was getting to know but I was so ‘caught up in the moment’ that I just let go and did what felt good. That situationship happened a year ago and ended badly. Over the course of this year, I’ve also “reunited” with both an ex-fling and my ex. I had sex with both of them again. Typing this out, I’m actually mortified at my behavior and I feel very ashamed. I feel like I can’t even recognize myself anymore based off how little respect and care I have I’m showing I have for myself. I know better but I am not doing better. + +The men I reconnected with have showed me in the past that they don’t respect me or have any regard for my feelings. For some reason, I delude myself into thinking that time apart will make them come around and appreciate me more. That’s not the case at all & it does the exact opposite. I had to block my ex-fling today so I can start to move on again but I just cannot stop thinking about what made him put me into the ‘just fun’ category. We’d go out on really fun dates, had some intense chemistry, sex was great, bonded over music, had good conversations but he never opened up about anything. To me, he actually came across quite secretive and even defensive when I would try to really get to know him. + +Admittedly, I am very poor at boundary enforcement and my communication skills are in the gutter. I’m pretty sure it’s the main reason why I’ve allowed myself to be in SEVERAL situationships. I fail to have the dating intentions conversation and let things progress to the inevitable ‘what are we’ conversation initiated by me after sex and feelings have developed. Those never go well. I end up staying until I cannot bear the thought of just being a girl that’s in his life and not considered to be HIS girl. It’s happened with 4 different guys. + +Now, I’m starting to think it’s because these men believe I’m good enough for the time being but not good enough for long term. I go for men that are 6-7/10 MAX 7.5 which I think is pretty attainable and realistic for my looks. Based on what’ve you’ve read thus far, does it sound like I’m shooting above my league or is it my behavior that’s keeping me in the ‘f*ckzone’?",,14,notknownfromhere,1700974202.0 +RedPillWomen,183faj1,Dealing with husbands blindness,"My (f24) husband (m33) of 5 years went unexpectedly blind and my life feels shattered. We were in a very traditional relationship and I'm afraid things will never feel the same. + +As silly as it sounds, I always took great pride in my looks and it breaks my heart that they're useless now. I feel like I have little to no qualities to offer him besides my looks. I don't know how I can be attractive to him now that my main quality is useless. + + +I also mourn the life I lost. He was always very protective of me, physically and emotionally. Now he can't physically protect me. He used to drive me around, which he can't anymore. I feel like I lost my captain and have to step up. I'm afraid I'll lose my femininity because of this. + + +He provides, he is the sweetest man I have ever met and he is the love of my life. I haven't thought about leaving him for a second. I'm just looking for advice on how to make our lives easier. If anyone has any ideas please share. I feel selfish because I know he's suffering way more than me, but I need help.",,28,Typical-Visit-7759,1700901120.0 +RedPillWomen,182pa2w,Boundaries about his friends?,"Hello ladies, + +Thanks for reading. Feel free to read my previous posts for more context. I’m about to get engaged and move in my boyfriend of one year. He is from a very liberal European country and in the past had liberal relationships (mostly monogamous but also hook ups, more open ones, etc.) but you know, going out to party with friends while girlfriend went out with her friends, etc.) I am 9 years younger (24) and though I did have a party phase, it has long since been over and I don’t really have friends anymore because of moving a lot. This of course has limited my social interactions a lot, especially considering most girls my age just want to party, and the couple of times I have gone out to a bar with another girl he has trusted me completely because he knows I’m not going to be flirting with other guys and it’s not really my scene, and once again in his culture it��s completely normal to do so. + + He has strong boundaries nonetheless, unspoken rules about me not having male friends/dressing too provocatively/posting thirst traps/partying consistently, etc. We spend a lot of time together because we work together and spend 90% of our weekends together and he rarely sees his old friends. However, every time he does I feel extremely insecure. I let him have fun with them in peace and don’t call him or anything, but it’s an internal struggle. His best friend is in a relationship and knows me, doesn’t like partying etc so I’m not bothered. + +But then he has this one friend whom he sees maybe once every month and a half, who likes to party and date many girls and cheats on casual relationships and I just get super insecure about it. I told him once and he said that I shouldn’t assume he’s like this guy and that we are way more committed than any of the casual relationships of this guy. And that if he heard how he talks about me with him I wouldnt be worried. He’s also referenced how his friend will end up alone if he keeps living like that. + +I have met him and got invited once to their going out (just having a drink) but it still makes me super insecure because he dates around a lot, and theres no way thats a good influence. I also often tell boyfriend to go out w his friends more since he barely sees them now and he says he’d much rather work on the business and go out w me (which I prefer secretly but idk if it’s based on control on my part) + +Again they barely see each other and my boyfriend is otherwise showing his commitment to me, has quit porn, is respectful overall etc., but it just makes me super uneasy. However the last thing I want to do is to limit his freedom/restrict/put rules on him. In this country it’s super normal to go out with friends, even if the other friend is single etc., and he’s already changed a lot (not just for me, he prefers a more traditional relationship in general). + +I just don’t want to dread these outings forever but I also don’t want to be the nagging girlfriend/fiancée who doesn’t let him hang out with his friends. Yesterday they hung out after like a month and they did work together at an office, and possibly went out after (I wouldn’t know because I avoid talking to him when he’s out with friends to calm my anxiety). And I just keep thinking how this guy probably talks about the girls he dates and how he probably cheats, and how they look at their pics and my boyfriend probably feels like he’s missing out or god knows, and it just doesn’t make me feel good in the slightest. I have a tendency to overthink/ruminate/sabotage, so I don’t want to create unnecessary drama but I also want respect. Advice?",,6,Consistent_Sleep_341,1700822004.0 +RedPillWomen,182vjzw,Making my mother a red pill woman,"I love my mother so much and I want her to better herself. She finally divorced my dad who never allowed her to be in her feminine or feel beautiful or spoiled. + +She already started a new chapter in her life with a man who seems to be much better than my dad but she is still not feminine and not allowing herself to be. + +What can I do to encourage her to finally relax a little in her life and heal her femininity. I tried suggesting changing her fashion style. She has a killer body and I want her to accentuate it instead of hide it. But what else can I do to help her stir her in the feminine direction. + +I don’t want to push her or make the choices for her, I want her to want it, I jus want to suggest things. + +Any advice highly appreciated ❤️ + +She is a woman in her mid 40s",,0,VeeIsLost,1700842337.0 +RedPillWomen,18273y6,Being feminine in a crisis,"Flair for needing advice as my guy has me feeling dried up. + +We have been together for a year and seven months. He hasn’t worked during this time and I am the sole breadwinner. We aren’t married because we still have fundamental problems. He’s often doesn’t feel well. He’s not dealing with anything serious physically that we know of. + +I knew we were going to face financial struggles and warned him in May of this year. Yes, I bought more show dogs, but I earn six-figures and all I need him to do is get a part-time job to pay for groceries and household supplies. Besides, he has expensive tastes and wants beef or fish in every meal. + +I showed him my paycheck was completely taken by bills this time around since the student loans have started. He proceeded to talk about how he needs to get a haircut and his plans for going with his family during the holiday, which he doesn’t celebrate. When the conversation wasn’t becoming productive, I left the room. Sure, I could have been more patient and waited to see if he had a solution to our financial situation, but I have been waiting for months and I am not going to nag. + +Secondarily, he didn’t even invite me over to his family’s meal. Didn’t even ask. Essentially, he said I was immature and incompetent for asking why I wasn’t invited the night before. No apology for excluding me. Of course he asked if I wanted to go and I told him I did want to go, but I really wanted to be invited. I don’t know what was said during the planning and it was his decision to not invite me. + +In all this, I am really struggling with if I could ever respect his headship. He always says he would never steer me wrong, but this has been proven false in the past and his recent actions cause me to not trust him in what his position is supposed to be. I can’t be treated like a doormat and I don’t feel cherished. + +To deal with the financial pressures, I am applying for higher positions outside my company (although I love my current job) and even applying to grocery stores for a second job. How do I not become a raging girl dog and maintain my femininity during this crisis??",,41,DarkBaddie,1700762630.0 +RedPillWomen,182969y,Best way to act when husband is on a boys trip,"My husband is away and I have two small kids and two pets at home + working from home. I’m a bit overwhelmed but don’t want to come across as the stressed out wife. How should I act while he’s away? I don’t want to lie about things being easy for me at home but I also don’t want to make it seem super daunting to come back home to us (lol). + +I’d appreciate any tips or advice or stories of your experience with your husband on trips and things that work or don’t work. My hope is to have him excited to come back home to us and also appreciative that I held down the home front and our mutual business while he’s away",,12,[deleted],1700768447.0 +RedPillWomen,1823qjm,Do Men Find Cuddling Effeminate?,"I was recently talking with a single male friend of mine about love languages. We looked up some examples including some for physical touch. He said he thought one of his love languages was physical touch and I said mine was too. We looked at a page of lots of different cuddling positions and I said my favourite was the one where the woman cuddles her man with her head on his chest. + +He said that that was also his favourite position, but reversed, with so his head would be on the woman's chest. He said he liked it not because it was a submissive position (which is what it looks like) but because it lets him get a good hold of the person he is cuddling, ""demonstrating physically that she is mine"" is sort of how he phrased it. He seemed rather unsure or embarrassed as he was talking about this. \[I did wonder if it might also be because the man's face would be near the breasts but I did not ask if that was also a reason he liked it\] + +He then went on to say that cuddling like that would probably never happen for him. I was about to go through the usual generic phrases of encouragement about dating and whatnot when he told it me it was not because he thought he would never get into a relationship, but because cuddling - especially the position he liked the most - is too submissive. + +He went on to say that women can like cuddling as much as they like and they should be the ones to initiate and ask for it, but men wanting to cuddle is too submissive and would put off good traditional women as they would look too soft and needy; thus men should never ask for cuddles. (My friend ascribes to traditional masculine principles and virtues similar to the ones we praise here) + +I then asked if he thought that men could not ask for physical contact at all; he said that maybe it would be alright to ask for massages, but only to soften his muscles after extensive physical exertion rather than for pampering - and only ever occasionally. + +I had never heard of this view before from men? Is it common? What do you ladies think? Would you find your man wanting to cuddle submissive? And if there are any men here, what are your perspectives?",,13,TheRedPilledLurker,1700753657.0 +RedPillWomen,181zpab,How can I stop to be mad at my boyfriend beeing sick,"This is my first post and english is not my mother language, as you may notice. + +When I was sick as a child, my mother (very dominant and angry most of the time) would say things like: you're just lazy and do this for attention. You will infect me with your flu, stop whining about it. +Now as an adult, I catch myself thinking things like this, when my boyfriend is sick. Of course I am not saying anything, but he notices that I am more quiet and not as loving. +Last time we both got the flu, he was very caring and did so much for me although he was sick too. +I hate thinking these bad things and would love to hear from you, how you care for your husbands and boyfriends, if they are sick. What are these little things I can do for him? And what could stop these bad thoughts? +Yesterday I cooked for him and made tea. But I still feel guilty because I could not be that loving. +Thank you very much for reading this. Please share your thoughts. + +Edit: thank you for the sweet an helpful advices.",,12,MultitudeSystem,1700740881.0 +RedPillWomen,182llde,Thanksgiving,"I'm American. Sister-in-law grew up at a boarding school in Connecticut and loves to cook. Her husband and mine went to boarding school in the UK. We live in London, though different parts and they don't work together. + +SiL decided to make a Thanksgiving meal; and so, bought a large (45lb) turkey, made stuffing, pies, etc. We took daughter over to their place in Hammersmith. We went in, husband is a great uncle and revels in making everyone laugh. Their daughter, S, is 2, ours, N, is almost 4. + +After he picked up their daughter, spun her around, she told him that BiL doesn't do that. So, he told her that she needs to be blunt about what she wants. + +So she goes back to her father and asks him why he isn't ""as much fun as uncle"". + +Her father says, ""you're too fat for me to lift, S!"". When I heard this, I was tempted to call 101 this very minute, but didn't. Should I have? + +I know my husband would never say such a thing to anyone. But, by the same token, he wouldn't comment on it or get involved if he hears someone else say it.",,0,LiteratureOk7716,1700807076.0 +RedPillWomen,180xy1z,My boyfriend (M25) told me(F27) his relationship history and it made me feel sad and confused.," +My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. Today my boyfriend(M25) and I(F27) were talking and he was telling me his previous dating history. He was telling me how a lot of girls have approached him and hit on him and he always turned them down. I am by no means ugly but I don’t know why I felt so sad and insecure hearing him say this. I grew up super strict and religious so I was not allowed to date and this is my first time ever having a boyfriend. Maybe I’m feeling insecure knowing that a lot of women find my boyfriend attractive? I don’t know but I left the the conversation feeling super insecure, sad and kind of worthless. + +Tl;dr my boyfriend told me his relationship history and it made me feel sad.",,40,QueenKaay13,1700618260.0 +RedPillWomen,180yq7b,What to do if you crave physical touch?,"I really want to avoid casual relationships but once in a while I feel the need for intimacy and physical touch. For anyone that has chosen to stay celibate, how do you deal with these emotions? + +I miss the cuddles, sex and kissing and it’s making me feel lonely. I feel like with where my life is, it will be years till I find someone and idk how long I can hold it. + +Any suggestions on what to do besides keeping myself occupied?",,27,Waxflower8,1700620688.0 +RedPillWomen,180e0sg,What does a healthy sex life look like?,"Hi, new sub here. + +I've got a relatively low libido now due to work stress and anxiety but I never used to be like this. It is probably connected to the fact I don't love how I look naked but I used to. I had this charm and energy which was so alluring to my previous sexual partners. + +I've lost her a bit now as I've grown up but slowly finding my new preferences but I gotta ask, those in long term relationships - how many times a week do you guys have sex? I'm in a 4 year relationship and previously there were long dry spells. + +What was your longest?",,20,SheWhoObserves,1700562681.0 +RedPillWomen,180nokv,Seeking serious advice about whether to build a relationship with the current man I dating,"Hi all. +I have been dating a man for several months now. I am 23, a student and he is 28 and a junior doctor. I have had 2 serious relationships previously and I want a serious relationship with a view of marriage. He has also told me he wants a long term relationship and children within a few years. His brothers are only a few years older and have wives and children and I think he is a little envious of them. + + +First I will describe the good things about him and our relationship. I like his personality; he has a calm demeanour. We get on well together, we laugh a lot. I am physically attracted to him and he tells me often that he thinks I’m pretty and hot. We both want the same thing- marriage, children. In a few years he will become a consultant and he prefers to move abroad after this and I am very open to it. He is fairly generous with me. We are both the sort that likes to spend a lot of time together. I feel comfortable with him. We have both said we care about eachother. + + +Now I will describe what I dislike. Firstly, his diet is very bad. He lives on highly processed food that he sticks in the airfryer, and he dislikes vegetables. This has made me feel quite concerned for his health. Sometimes he gets a little shy and wants me to do the talking- which isn’t terrible but isn’t my preferred quality. He has claimed that after having children some of his friends wives do not want to go back to work, and he has described that as lazy. I am concerned he would think the same thing about me if we have young children. Sometimes he is reluctant to do ‘manly’ things, such as carry things for me, like heavy bags, especially if it looks even somewhat feminine in appearance. + + +He is quite interested in other women. He has had many past sexual partners/girlfriends. When we first got together, one time when we went out at night he described the other girls at the venue as ‘ hot as hell’. I spoke to him about this and he didn’t say it again, but he does sometimes describe other women as sexy etc. This has made me feel a little insecure about other women. I notice that on all of his social media he was following a disproportionately large number of women, including models etc. I spoke to him about this and he suggested unfollowing quite a lot of them which he did do. Recently I saw that he was looking at another females social media profile when I came up behind him. A few weeks later he started following the same woman- it turns out she is an attractive work colleague. He has mentioned her several times, saying that he called her the other day etc. I have also seen notifications pop up on his screen from tiktok- on many of which I glimpsed different girls pictures. I understand that men will always like the look of other women but this has put some anxiety in me. + + +Finally, we have some sexual issues. I suspect that I have vaginismus (involuntary closing of vaginal muscles during penetration). This makes penetration painful, and he is the first boyfriend that has tried. He is very keen to have sex, and tells me that I should fight the pain as every girl has pain when losing their virginity. He has recently suggested going to the gynaecologist to see their opinion. I have also bought vaginal dilators which he is telling me I should use everyday. I want to have sex too but he is being kinda pushy in a way (but don’t know if I’m thinking too much into this). + + +So all in all we get on well and I care about him but I do have some issues that are bothering me or making me insecure. I’m not sure whether I should accept these and try to work with it or call it a day. I am aware I’ve had several relationships with good men previously, and don’t wanna keep going through new men looking for something perfect as it never will be. Any guidance would be great, thank you +",,3,Melodic-Jellyfish-67,1700591149.0 +RedPillWomen,17zwqpo,"Making myself more desirable, receptive and not reticent","As a dark skin black woman, I understand that there's a stereotype placed on me as a sapphire/jezebel and see the negative effect it has on my dating life. +The men I'm into (traditionally masculine men --like firefighters/military men, etc) tend to go after women of asian/latina/European culture and I notice these women tend (NOT ALWAYS) present themselves as light-hearted, sensual and just a joy to be around. +I naturally tense up around men (mainly due to teasing growing up) and sometimes find it hard to believe that I'm desirable enough. + +I'm reading books (the surrendered single, preparing to be a help meet, etc) to gain more insight. I'm also working on my fitness, mainly for my own benefit but also because I know it'll widen my dating pool. + +I do want to fall in love and get married but know people may perceive me as an angry, bitter woman, especially with my closed body language. I want to be more receptive but without coming across desperate or creepy.",,25,purpleand20,1700508724.0 +RedPillWomen,17yb8dx,How to increase my chances of getting asked out by a man?,"I (21f) genuinely want to know what could make a man want to pursue me/ ask me out on a date. The most I got from a man as a sign of interest are glances, maybe receive a compliment about my looks or even get catcalled by some randos once every few weeks. + +I come from a somewhat religious background. So casual hookups are completely out of the question. People are more or less secretive when it comes to dating. + +That being said, a lot of my friends are in relationships or ""situationships"". Even the single ones complain about having to reject guys that are, in my opinion, pretty decent. But simply because they have plenty of options, they can pick and choose without being worried they might never find another guy. + +Some people might suggest I should try a hobby. Last year, I joined this social club where I met a lot of new people. I also went to a lot of events where I knew I would meet up with people around my age. I made a few friends none of which were ""potential suitors"". + + I stopped going out as much nowadays because I had to focus on studying and getting the most out of my graduation year. + + +This isn't a self-pitty post btw. I allowed myself enough time to feel sorry for myself. I'm just trying to figure out exactly why I'm getting zero attention despite being young and in my ""prime"" years. + +I take good care of myself. I'm not overweight, the clothes I wear are flattering enough, I take care of my hygiene, hair, I wear makeup that enhances my features, but isn't dramatic. + +I would say I'm an overall kind person, helpful within the limits of my capabilities. I'm a bit of an introvert, pretty outgoing in the right circumstances, but I prefer sticking to my circle of friends. I don't try to befriend every guy I know, but I'm friendly and I try not to come across as ""stuck up"" as best as I can. + +Women like me are told that we're only single because we tend to ignore guys in our dms. Most of my dms were pretty dry. I tried to get to know a few people online, some turned out to be amazing friends, a lot of them just wanted nudes. + +I never found myself in a situation where I had to ""friendzone"" someone. All of my male friends never acted in a ""trying to get in my pants"" sort of way. Our conversations are always strictly platonic without me having to assert any boundaries. Unfortunately, I initiate 90% of those conversations. Safe to say that none of my male friends want to date me. + +Even if I had to reject guys, which rarely happens. I'm entitled to my preferences, which aren't unattainable btw. I just had to make a few things clear before getting attacked by redpill dudes. + +Arranged marriage is still part of our culture, so I could always skip the headache of dating. But I can't be 100% sure that the person I'll be getting married to is compatible or if they will treat me the way I deserve. Also there's no room for romantic feelings if I didn't willingly chose that person after falling in love with them. + + +Sorry for the long rant. I just want to know what can I do to not end up as a lonely old cat lady or worse, having end up getting married to a terrible person.",,26,SilverKnightLife,1700328153.0 +RedPillWomen,17xrdfj,Confidence for the Single RPW,"I have noticed a number of posts lately from single or dating phase women where it is apparent there is a major lack of confidence on the woman’s part, a fear of risk taking, and much excuse making. Many women come here looking for a husband but are not ready to accept the risk that comes with searching and I get it, it is scary and hard and frustrating. But as a long-time dater and ambassador to the unmarried RPW, I feel like we should have a discussion on this. + +**Reasons for Lack of Confidence in RPW** + +It is not surprising to see a common theme of lack of confidence in women. Most of us were not raised… well, like men, to be confident risk takers… and those of us who were struggle to become less masculine. But in general, many (not all) RPW sit on the submissive, traditional side and therefore have personalities that make us prone to being more quiet, fearful of speaking up or taking risks. After all that is part of what makes us desire a strong male leader, right? They can supplement what we lack, or simply don’t want to do, offering us security and safety. + +So we become entrenched in RPW theory and are chronically online, and while helpful at first, some of us take it to the extreme, seeing things in black and white and as a set of rules we MUST follow to get a man. The age we must be, the things we must wear, how we approach sex, our weight/fitness, we must be homemaker domestic goddesses … the list of assumptions goes on. And this can create a sort of paralysis where we fear making a single move with a man until we are perfect or become robotic on dates because we have theory running through our brains. We think *don’t do that, don’t say that*, and we totally lose our authenticity. Men don’t like that. + +**Men Like Confidence** + +The reality is men like confidence, even men who want a good RPW. Men are attracted to women who are self assured, who have something to say about life and passion in their interests, and they like to chase (not in a toxic gaming playing way but in a men like to conquer way). I feel somewhere along the way, we have begun to think of confidence as overly masculine which it absolutely is not when done right. Additionally, wanting a partner and pursuing it is not masculine. As Laura Doyle says in Surrendered Single, the first step is surrendering to your desire to be married. It is OK and good to admit you want a partner. Embrace it. + +Of course women can make the mistake of being too masculine in how they approach seeking a partner and I think most of us here knows what that looks like. But I worry we are seeing many overcorrect in an attempt to not be masculine resulting in the appearance of a lack of interest in men and honestly, just being a boring date. Men want to be fascinated by you and want to be desired in the dating phase. Even the most Alpha of men who are willing to put in the great effort to pursue you and lead would like attention back and to know you WANT it. + +**Getting What You Want Takes Risk** + +If you want a boyfriend or husband, you HAVE to take risks. Very few people marry their HS sweetheart and even fewer meet the love of their life because they are approached at the grocery store or by the handsome Christmas tree farmer, Hallmark movie style, or whatever other fantasies we see on movies. You have to put yourself out there in an intentional and strategic way. This means that yes, you likely will get rejected by men you like, you will have bad dates, you will have men who lie to you to try to hook up, and you’ll meet people you aren’t attracted to. And it’s a bummer. But you will also have first dates where the sparks fly and you feel on top of the world, you’ll find men who are genuine and sincere, and most of all you’ll have the opportunity of finding a life partner. But you have to kiss some frogs to get a Prince. It’s just like applying for jobs, you apply for a lot until you land a minimal number of interviews and then finally get an offer. + +And I get it, many don’t want to online date. Most women don’t enjoy it and most men don’t either. But unless you are young and have exposure to a lot of men on a daily basis, you should. Think about the women of the past, our grandmothers. They would have LOVED to have a tool like this at their disposal rather than having to marry Joe down the street because that is the only person they had exposure to. Remember that online dating is just a tool – you should not sign up with the expectation that you will meet your husband tomorrow, that everyone (strangers!) is deserving of your time and energy, that everyone will think like you or have the same values as you, and that everyone will be respectful. Don’t sign up and expect it to work immediately and don’t overwhelm yourself with dates. Go on only a couple a month with people you are really excited to meet and don’t quit when it doesn’t work out. We have to toughen up a little and take the whole process in a more lighthearted way, yes still being intentional but also having fun with it. + + +And if you don’t want to online date, then you better be prepared to put a lot of effort into making social connections in person. This means stepping outside of your comfort zone, joining meet ups, attending events often alone, getting dressed nice to go out on many occasions where you don’t meet anyone, and having men hit on you who are not your type at all and you have to reject face to face which I can tell you is much harder than doing it online. +It is certainly easier to make excuses about why nothing will work for you – why you can’t online date, why you won’t pursue men you have an interest in, why your life situation makes you not good enough for a man, or claiming you tried it all before and it failed so why try again. But they key is, if you want something, you have to proactively work for it and you have to take the risks to reap the rewards. + +I have linked to a few resources below that will help singles grow their confidence and overall strategy to dating and finding a mate. We have so many resources here on HOW to become appealing to men through expressing your femininity in all the ways, but this post is meant to be a little kick in the pants for those looking to get out there. I’d love to hear your thoughts and what you’ve done to cultivate confidence and a risk taking spirit in dating! + + +**Resources** +Book: Surrendered Single, Laura Doyle +Book: Getting To I Do +Book: Why Men Marry Bitches +[RPW Post: The Art of the Bad Excuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7ad6eb/approaching_men_the_art_of_the_bad_excuse/) +[RPW Post: Game Tips for Women](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ssn1e/game_tips_for_women_some_nsfw_content/) +[RPW Post: Online Dating](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16e8q6c/back_to_basics_september_online_dating/) +",,30,Jenneapolis,1700261076.0 +RedPillWomen,17x8dtq,What I learned about respect at work,"At my job, I'm learning how to work in a new section on my department. My trainer, a married middle aged man, was telling me that he had a door that needed to be fixed at his house, but that his wife wouldn't let him do it. He had looked it up on the internet, gotten the tools to do it, and was just about to start fixing it when she walked in and told him to stop and said she just wanted to call someone to fix it. He told me that had wanted to try fixing things around the house for years, but she never let him, and so he figured he must not be good enough to do it. He tried laughing it off like it was a joke, but it obviously wasn't. The level of sadness and shame in this man's eyes and voice when he was telling me this... It was palpable. + +I felt the need to tell him that he should try fixing it anyway, and surprise her with it when she gets home. Maybe that wasn't the right thing for me to do, but when I said that, he instantly lit up. I just couldn't handle seeing him so sad, and he was a lot happier the rest of the day. + +We as women tend to think stuff like that doesn't matter, but it does. Men love to help us and to feel capable. Let them. ",,72,[deleted],1700200576.0 +RedPillWomen,17ww4g9,Having a Relationship with a Captain who has Autism?,"Are there any women here who have Captains with autism? (or autistic Captains who are married to Red Pill Women?) + +How do you find it supporting your man through his autism? + +Does he have meltdowns and if so what do you do? + +Does he have shutdowns and if so what do you do? + +Is he an effective leader and good provider? + +What are the struggles his autism causes in your relationship? + +Would you prefer it if he did not have autism? + +Do his weaknesses make him too submissive? Do you have to be more dominant to help him? + +Does it affect your bedroom? + +Does it affect your emotion/spiritual/romantic/carnal connection? + +What advice would you give to a woman (or autistic man) who is considering a relationship with a Captain with autism?",,7,TheRedPilledLurker,1700165297.0 +RedPillWomen,17wwgk2,Birth Control Help?,"Hello ladies of RPW! I was wondering if anybody had advice on birth control. + +I’m in a bit of a specific situation; I can’t take estrogen-based birth control due to significantly increased stroke risk (from blood condition), and my cycle is very irregular, so I can’t do the fertility awareness method (which is what I read many women recommended on this sub). + +I currently have a copper IUD in, and I think I’m going to get it removed in December. My periods are significantly more painful, and I get random cramping all the time; people have said symptoms usually go away in 3-6 months, but it’s been 11 months now and it’s barely improved. + +Progesterone-only is an option, but my doctor warned me he’s seen several women get pregnant when they use that as their method of contraception, so I’m wary of that. + +I know I’m being really picky, but I honestly hate birth control! I don’t like the thought of messing with my hormones, the non-hormonal copper IUD currently isn’t working for me, and just using condoms feels too risky to me. + +I’m currently single and for a variety of reasons, I want to wait to have sex until I’m in a significantly committed relationship. Part of me thinks not having birth control would be a good motivation to hold that boundary. However, I am aware that I have a VERY high sex drive and there’s always the chance that I’ll make a dumb choice in the future, which is why the safety net of birth control might be a good thing. To be clear I don’t sleep around (my n is 1), I just really believe in being prepared. Not to mention, when I'm in a relationship, I understand that my partner will want to have sex (as will I), and I'd like to be able to do that! + +Does anybody have any suggestions for birth control options, or how to approach this situation? Thank you all for your time! +",,5,Valuable_Place1265,1700166181.0 +RedPillWomen,17wbckh,Is there such thing as too much sex?,"I saw the post in here a few days ago about how not turning your partner down for sex can help a lot in your relationship. + +Does anyone have advice for someone in the opposite situation? I feel like I ALWAYS want sex. We have periods where I feel like my boyfriend feels the same way and we’re having sex every day if not multiple times a day. But then we will go days without it and I feel like he doesn’t want to touch me anymore and I have to beg him to fuck me. + +Really, we haven’t gone more than probably 2 weeks without sex since we started dating in May 2022. But I still get upset when we go through dry periods and I don’t know how to help myself through it.",,32,udrewstars_,1700101242.0 +RedPillWomen,17w5e09,How to support my partner without suffocating him?,"Context: My partner was in an accident about a week ago and ended up with a broken ankle and leg. We were sooo blessed to have a great medical team and quick surgery, we only spent two nights in the hospital and are now on the road to recovery. + +We don’t live together, and currently we are both staying with his family so his mom and I can be there to help him since he can’t put weight on his leg at all and is on a pretty rigorous course of pain management medications (we are all tired due to waking up every few hours for meds). His mom is an angel (and an RN) but I can tell having her fuss over him on top of having me by his side constantly is starting to feel like a bit much for him. + +I can’t imagine how it feels to be in that much pain physically or how mentally draining it must be to not be able to do anything on his own, and I assume it’s a little much to have both me and his mom around 24/7. I know he appreciates it (and he has told me this a bunch too!) but I can tell he is starting to feel smothered and I’m not sure what I can do. I’ve talked to him about it when I can, but there isn’t much that can change since he does need so much help at this point. + +So, I come to the wise members of RPW seeking support, words of wisdom, encouragement, and any advice you can give as to how I can do what he needs without being overbearing or making him feel like my view of him has changed.",,13,amityjeanklein,1700086277.0 +RedPillWomen,17w94bl,New relationship advice needed (this is a positive step in my life),"My best friend of 22 years brother and I have been seeing each other romnantically lately and we both want to take things slow. We’ve known each other since we were pre teens and once had a brief relationship when we were 17 and 17 and half and obviously it didn’t work bc we were young and immature but it was a good relationship given our ages. + + +We were each others persons We never stopped loving each other and never left each others minds once in the last 12ish years. We obviously had been in other respective relationships with other people in that time but they both didn’t work out and we were both treated badly in them. My most recent one only lasting 9ish mos and not being ideal. I’ve healed and moved on since then. + + +He and I now are together but would like to take our relationship slowly but grow romantically and we are both the happiest we’ve been in years since being together. He’s a breath of fresh air and my soul feels so calm around him. And he feels the same way back. He spent the night smiling from ear to ear and being the happiest I’ve ever seen him. + + +How do we take things slow? There’s so much love here and I’ve already spent the night, had our first kiss and got mildly intimidate. And I’m going back over Saturday for dinner and to spend the night I’m used to guys rushing things and am used to that being a habit and how a relationship is but I don’t want that with my guy. I want to learn to love him and grow with him intimately and romantically the old fashioned way. I’d love advice. I’m excited to be with him!!",,6,itsmepingu,1700095323.0 +RedPillWomen,17w5dy7,How to support my partner without suffocating him?,"Context: My partner was in an accident about a week ago and ended up with a broken ankle and leg. We were sooo blessed to have a great medical team and quick surgery, we only spent two nights in the hospital and are now on the road to recovery. + +We don’t live together, and currently we are both staying with his family so his mom and I can be there to help him since he can’t put weight on his leg at all and is on a pretty rigorous course of pain management medications (we are all tired due to waking up every few hours for meds). His mom is an angel (and an RN) but I can tell having her fuss over him on top of having me by his side constantly is starting to feel like a bit much for him. + +I can’t imagine how it feels to be in that much pain physically or how mentally draining it must be to not be able to do anything on his own, and I assume it’s a little much to have both me and his mom around 24/7. I know he appreciates it (and he has told me this a bunch too!) but I can tell he is starting to feel smothered and I’m not sure what I can do. I’ve talked to him about it when I can, but there isn’t much that can change since he does need so much help at this point. + +So, I come to the wise members of RPW seeking support, words of wisdom, encouragement, and any advice you can give as to how I can do what he needs without being overbearing or making him feel like my view of him has changed.",,6,amityjeanklein,1700086274.0 +RedPillWomen,17v8yme,How can I make more girl friends,"When I was unattractive I had more girl friends and less guy friends. I’ve been judged by other women for having a lot of guy friends but those same women don’t want to be my friend. I think girls are threatened by attractive women, I don’t like hanging out with men most of the time because when they are respectful they tend to ignore you since you’re a girl they prefer to kind of leave you alone, and obviously I don’t want to hang out with men who are disrespectful. I want to consume more feminine energy, I don’t want to become a “masculine woman “.I want to create or be in a group for only woman but I’m struggling to find any that are active.",,21,Adri7wolf2,1699987141.0 +RedPillWomen,17v6vbg,How to deal with the fact that your partner has expressed to you he is sexually attracted to someone else?,"I know its silly to live in a fantasy world that your partner only thinks you are attractive but this fantasy world keeps me sane and it was disrupted last year and I still feel sad about it. + +I have low self esteem which I have been and am working on very hard (therapy, counselling, healthy lifestyle, self help books + podcasts, plant medicine). + +Last year I made a friend who I admired very much. She was a very beautiful, outgoing, and a confident person. My partner and I went to her house to hang out with her (and one other person). It was fun and went well, however that night when we got home my partner admitted he felt attracted to her. I felt crushed because I already had some envious feelings for this girl. + +I only ended up hanging out with this girl one other time after, and then our friendship died off because she moved a few hours out of the city. + +Our relationship is amazing despite this; he is loyal, supportive, loving and is my best friend. This really affected me and although I am handling this a lot better now that it has been a year, every once in a while I have a day were I feel very sad about this fact and today is one of those days. + +How can I try and get over this?",,21,bananacandy16,1699981698.0 +RedPillWomen,17v1cly,What’s your reason of living?,"Sorry for such a depressing question but I’m genuinely curious! I’m okay I promise! I just want to know what RP girls’ goals and purpose in life are. I’m struggling a bit to make any meaning out of why I’m still here, hoping I can possibly get inspired by and understand the purpose of those who have similar viewpoints to me. Thank you 💓",,29,New_Initiative_2134,1699965534.0 +RedPillWomen,17v2xyt,About to get engaged and terrified/anxious,"Hello all, + +Thanks for reading first of all. Feel free to read my previous post for more context. Boyfriend (and I) decided that I shouldn’t renew my rent contract and after he talks to my parents, I should move in with him. He knows that I won’t live with a man without a ring and we’re traveling to talk to parents in January and I come back some weeks later. I will move in with him then and he assured me that he will have “everything set up” soon but that he also wants to keep an element of surprise to the proposal etc. I told him as long as he doesn’t lead me on for months, and he’s aware and says he won’t. + +Anyway we said we’ll probably start planning wedding some time after that. He’s 33 and I’m 24, we met because we work together (content creation), and he’d love to have kids sooner than I do tbh. Anyway, I know in another time 24 is actually even old to get proposed to etc, but I was in university messing around (not sexually lmao just like silly young people things) a year ago, and I’m excited and in love to be with him but also so deeply terrified. For one I’ve struggled to make friends again after moving and because of some previous traumas, I also struggle with anxiety about marriages/relationships failing most of the time, cheating, etc. My parents’ relationship isn’t good and I don’t have any references. I guess this whole time marriage seemed so far away (we’ve been a year together and I told him I’d give him two) that I thought I’d be ready for it, but now I just feel like an anxious child who doesn’t even feel good enough. + +And I’m just terrified about how living together often kills the intimacy and we work together si have to spend lots of time together, unfortunately. He’s assured me he’s never loved someone as much as me nor even wanted to get married given the state of things (and people in his country (southern Europe) don’t really get married, much less after one year. And that we will be the exception to shitty marriages. + + I’m terrified of feeling mundane and not exciting after living together etc., and of self sabotaging as a result (as I have had a tendency to do that in the past). I just have this idea that the beginning (first few months of a relationship) is the best part and after that the guy just sees you as boring/no longer new so meh ? And also the idea of forever is terrifying and just doesn’t seem like it ever even works nowadays. He’s quite calm and sure and mature and I feel like I half don’t feel good enough, half am terrified etc. he’s lived with two other girlfriends before in the past and I also don’t wanna feel like just another one. + +Idk I’m definitely super anxious and insecure (doom scrolling on Redding about relationships / cheating doesn’t help). I’m also anxious about my parents/people judging us because they’re not that traditional and they might think one year is too soon. I love him, want to be with him, and feel lucky to have him and for things to being going smoothly. Now I just need to figure out how to feel worthy/enough, trust, and not self sabotage. I do go to therapy but she’s from the same liberal country and lowkey judges us I feel like. And would just tell me to wait longer when I don’t see the point, as we have the same goals and love each other. Anyway clearly I’m an anxious mess, any advice would help ❤️ I’m sure I want to do this, just don’t know how to feel positive or good enough, etc.",,8,Consistent_Sleep_341,1699970786.0 +RedPillWomen,17uc2jh,Sex is truly the key 🔐,"I’ve been with my husband for 7yrs and I finally understand how pivotal a **healthy sex life** is in our marriage. It’s been the missing piece. + +For the last few years in our marriage, I’ve gotten lazy and selfish. I’d turn him down for sex regularly, with my only excuse being “I’m tired”. Mentally excusing it away as “I’ve had a long day” or “just not right now.” Then, seemingly unrelated, I’d get upset because he wasn’t affectionate with me how I wanted outside of the bedroom. Then I’d spiral and start to think “does he even really love me?” + +A whole dramatic mess. + +But, I’ve finally realized that that miserable cycle I was in was my own doing. + +These past couple months I’ve totally changed my perspective when it comes to sex. I’ve initiated much more frequently and I’ve stopped turning him down. And ladies, I have never seen this man so affectionate in my life. He even walked me to the front door this morning, kissed me and told me he loved me as I left for work. (In the past it would’ve been a yell “goodbye” while I’m walking out the door and he’s getting ready for work.) + +I’ve been craving that connection and affection so deeply and now I see clearly that I was the one standing in the way of getting it. It truly feels like we’re young again, love sick. + +I don’t have a question and I hope a post like this is ok to share. I’m just so happy and feel like I have my marriage back.",,382,robikn22,1699886435.0 +RedPillWomen,17uoad9,Why does submitting make me love him more ?,"I want to follow him wherever he goes, it's like has a light, a sigh of relief to me. Since I have been following his leadership i see him differently, I not only want to make him happy, but i have foreign experience of safety. What's happening to me? did submitting to your man make you love him more? ",,57,FearlessStudy805,1699918139.0 +RedPillWomen,17tzfrj,"Male acquaintance wants to ""hang out""","He's a good guy. But my boyfriend and I have a kind of agreement not to hang out 1 on 1 with the other sex unless their S/O is there. + +People say that seems controlling, but it just seems weird to us. Like we put time and effort into eachother and see it as kind of emotional cheating or just opening a possibility of complications that doesn't need to be there. + +My problem is how to say that without upsetting the dude? Again he was cool at work but I can't hang out like he's suggesting. + +It just doesn't feel appropriate. + +I'm thinking I'll just have to tell him like that but I was hoping someone had something that sounds better than the typical ""I have a boyfriend"" which he already knows. + +Also he's recently single and texted me at like 1 am asking whats up? I didnt answer until the next day when the sun was up. But it just had that vibe if you know what I mean. + +Thanks for reading!",,25,Lacholaweda,1699838862.0 +RedPillWomen,17tof5b,Sex and spending time together…,"This year has been a total roller coaster for us. My husband went off the deep end and we separated. Then I found LD and the Empowered Wife which really helped us get back together two and a half months ago. Now that the dust has settled and things have calmed down, I realized that for the past year, I’m the one who initiates sex and pretty much everything we go do. We haven’t had sex in two weeks bc I haven’t initiated it. I haven’t been standoffish or anything just haven’t initiated sex. +So, now that we are back into a routine or normal life, he’s falling asleep in front if the tv every night by 7:30 and snoring while I go to bed by myself. This was not what I had hoped for. Instead of a playful passionate relationship, I have a albeit much calmer, boring, snoring relationship. I can appreciate the calm but I’d like to do something else besides what we are currently doing. I could go somewhere myself which I thought about doing last night, but one of his previous complaints was that I wasn’t available to him and was with other people. That’s bc I didn’t want to spend my life in front of the tv set watching his shows and listening to him snore 🫠 He likes for me to be around without actually having to interact with me. +I know this sounds like complaining bc it probably is, but I don’t know how to express any of this to him without making him irritated with me. I’ll probably cross post on surrendered wife too.",,22,SomberWinter13,1699808414.0 +RedPillWomen,17tem4k,Men Become Aroused when Women Cry?,"I was recently reading an old post here called: ""*Back to the basics - are women capable of love?*"", in it the author wrote this: + +>When a woman cries and falls apart and her man helps hold her together, he will become s\*xually aroused (even if he'll try to hide it because it's inappropriate). + +Is this true? Do men become aroused by women crying or by comforting women who are crying? + +I tried looking for other posts about this on this Subreddit but could not find any. + +Does anyone know anything about this or have any personal experiences where you have seen your Captain become aroused when you cried?",,26,TheRedPilledLurker,1699771667.0 +RedPillWomen,17t32ou,Restarting my life to save my marriage,"Hi. Excuse the dramatic title, Recently read the empowered wife, it’s done wonders for my relationship and continues to do so. Little +Background: together for 15 years, 2 small children. I played out my trauma in my marriage, I’ve had a lot of anger at the world and men specifically. And an absolute refusal to trust anyone or anything. My ptsd symptoms just ran my life, and my family’s. I came from a chaotic family, I fell into a lot of belief systems that advocated for my behavior rather than what was actually kind, decent or good for my family. My husband is a literal angel. He didn’t start to break until the last few years, I’m so ashamed. I want to transform and become the wife he and our kids actually deserve. It’s felt for a long time like he has been a caretaker for my mental illness and it’s taken opportunities from us, taken years from us and our children. My husband has shed tears about what we have lost with our kids. That was it for me and I’ve been working on this for about 6 months. It’s like night and day, I can say that much. It’s been a little scary how wrong I’ve been. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but for the first time I feel +Hopeful. Here is where I would like advice: + +1. My friends. I can’t relate to them anymore. It worries me. They are all in that “child free” philosophy and all want to be the “fun wine aunt” which is all fine except whenever I’ve had marriage issues they have been very aggressive about “leave him, you don’t need a man” etc. My interests have shifted to what feels right in my soul(my kids, my marriage, my art), and I just don’t see them supporting any of it. They have been so loving through my ptsd stuff, but even that support in some ways made my issues worse. So much validation, but really no support in holding myself accountable. Has anyone gone through this? + +2. I’m looking for books to read. Im looking to surround myself with media etc that supports my interests as a mother and a wife. Novels about beautiful romances or motherhood. Self help books. Shows/podcasts to listen to. I feel like everything about the world is screaming at me “but you’re strong and independent and don’t need anyone! Don’t be a submissive house wife robot! Be free” when honestly this is the first time I have EVER felt free. And I know it’s probably not the whole world but my corner of it has been that way. + +3. Parenting. I’m looking for YouTube channels/podcasts etc about parenting. My husband grew up in a great family with siblings, my childhood was filled with violence of every kind. I’ve learned so much from him and his family. I want to immerse myself in good parenting education. I’m trying to take control of my growth and learning so he can relax and enjoy life, build his career etc instead of just taking care of me. + +4. General advice and encouragement. I can’t stress enough how lucky I am to have my husband, he’s supporting me through everything. He has his own trauma, but he’s very intent on healing together. I want to finally honor that. The skills have felt like the first breath of fresh air I’ve ever taken. But again, my social circle is total opposite. They would scoff at all of it. + +If you made it this far reading, thank you. I never thought I would be here writing this.",,35,Single-Long-5668,1699734517.0 +RedPillWomen,17tb2cc,Arguments from a red-pilled perspective?,"From young, I’ve had many inklings about life and relationships that red pill research has confirmed. + +That being said, I’ve been looking and can’t find anything on arguments. I was raised by a narcissist dad and an enabler mom and so arguments were basically the man who was supposed to love and protect me talking to me like someone out on the street. No respect for me as his daughter. + +It’s even been violent. + +That led me to actually vow to not argue. I know you can’t avoid conflict but I’d rather have a debate/discussion focused on a solution than the whole shouting match thing. even if it’s serious or urgent. + +I don’t make snarky remarks, nag, or initiate verbal attacks 90 percent of the time, so when someone I resent (mostly family) does it to me I get extremely nasty, possibly verbally abusive when we argue. When I don’t resent them I’m really good at the whole “I’d rather talk this out” “can we take a breather” or “I’m leaving this conversation if you can’t be respectful/not yell, etc.” thing. + +If that makes any sense. + +What is your take on arguments? My idea is that it makes great sense to debate as a couple, even if it gets a bit elevated but generally arguing is unacceptable. + +I feel like this also ties into shit-tests.",,3,SweetSecond5900,1699758050.0 +RedPillWomen,17t4xhw,Implementing the 6Skills from the Empowered Wife book and hoping for some support!,"Hey y’all, I’m just a 30-something wife of a good Christian man and we have a 5 yr old daughter together… For the past 6.5 years of our marriage, things have been rollercoaster-y… We separated for 2 months our second year of marriage and separated for another 2 months this past summer.. I was desperate to figure out how to fix my marriage (I felt like my husband was distant, avoiding me, and tuning me out… It sucked, lol). + +Well I found Laura Doyle’s book The Empowered Wife this past August and really started strictly implementing the skills about 2 weeks ago. I am happier, my husband seems happier, our household is more peaceful - BUT - He still hasn’t started paying much more attention to me or seeking out time to spend with me yet… Part of me is concerned that I am not expressing my desires for this because I really don’t know exactly how to say it…?? Instead, as to not risk complaining or being disrespectful, I’ve been kind of quiet around him and just smile at him quite a bit.. LOL. Can someone help me for a true desire? Or… Is it just that I need to give it more time for him to eventually *want* to be with me again…? + +I honestly so badly need a group of like-minded women to talk regularly with about this… So many of my friends and family are not very encouraging when it comes to fighting for my marriage… Any help is appreciated!",,6,Kmc6634,1699739549.0 +RedPillWomen,17syt7r,Desiring a good morning text,"I’ve been dating my man for 2.5 months (we have been official for a couple weeks). He is currently working abroad for the next 5 weeks (he travels for work about 3 months each year). He was doing really good with texting and sending me really sweet good morning texts but lately I have stopped getting good morning texts from him. He still texts me something usually but not good morning, because of the time difference I am 5-6 hours behind him so it seems like this would be relatively easy for him to pull off. Sometimes I beat him to it but especially the days he texts me a meme or something I wish there was a good morning included in this. + +I have an anxious attachment style which he knows about and I have expressed my desire a little, that I missed the good morning texts but I’m not sure he really registered it. My therapist thinks it would be really good for me to openly state this as something that would really help me feel secure and build a secure attachment for our relationship but I’m thinking of Laura Doyal and wondering how I can express this as a pure desire without being controlling. I know I’ve been advised that good morning texts can feel like a chore at a certain point for some men and I don’t want him to feel like that but it seems so low effort. + +I know he got aggravated the few times I expressed I was struggling with him not texting me as much or texting me back fast enough. He does have a demanding job where he doesn’t have much cell service (though enough to check Instagram and send me memes) and he does have to work pretty early in the morning. But today for instance, I know he is off with a 3 day weekend and he sent me a meme but no good morning text. He seemed a little disinterested on the phone last night but seemed really loving with me when he got off the phone with me. + +TL;DR: Am I unreasonable for desiring good morning texts in a long distance relationship? What would be a good way to make this request if they have fizzled out? He all around seems like an amazing and supportive guy otherwise but I won’t really know how things will be until he gets home as we only went on 5 dates before he left on this trip. We have spent countless hours on the phone and video chatting though.",,11,Emotional-Train-1928,1699722518.0 +RedPillWomen,17spzl8,Attempting reconciliation while keeping traditional gender roles,"Hi ladies, + +My boyfriend and I are attempting reconciliation after an inappropriate incident on his part. r/asoneafterinfidelity and r/survivinginfidelity have been useful, but the advice does not really align with maintaining a traditional relationship which is very important to my boyfriend. So I'm wondering how I can combine some of the ideas of reconciliation with traditional values. + +I understand that the concept of reconciliation can feel almost emasculating as there is a slight power shift towards the betrayed partner (they now have the power to ask for things they feel will help with reconciliation and the wayward partner loses some of the ability to have the final say in decision making). I also understand that being traditional is very important to my boyfriend and my struggles to be a feminine partner (due to other relationship issues we've been trying to work on) led to negative feelings on his part which contributed to his behaviour. + +So how do I balance reconciliation, which requires more masculine behaviour, with being more traditional and feminine, which is important for my overall relationship but also more difficult for me now that I feel less able to submit to him. + +Is there any way to show submission/ femininity while also not deferring to his final decisions? + +Let me try to give specific examples. + +* Timeline/ Discussing the incident: + * He feels that we've spoken about it enough and there's nothing new to discuss. He feels that my need for further discussions is more of a punishment than anything productive. I think here it's an issue of male vs female communication. I still don't feel he's given me any proper answers or really understands how I'm feeling or anything I say. For example, I've said during these discussions that I'm getting close to the end. In our latest argument I told him I don't want to do this anymore and he's getting close to his final chances. His response was that I hadn't made it clear to him that he was getting close to his final chances and he would have appreciated more warning. How could I have communicated this in a way he as a man would understand? And how can I communicate more effectively to him in the future? + * He also says that our discussions have rarely been proper sit down ones. I've tried asking him when he has time for this but he doesn't really given an answer or he'll go back to the previous point of ""we've spoken about it enough and I have more important things to do right now (working)"". Do I need to take a firmer more masculine route for this instead of waiting for him to tell me when he has time? +* Open phone policy: + * He's extremely uncomfortable with this and doesn't think it's necessary. He says he's entitled to his privacy especially as he has bank emails on his devices (I've assured him this isn't what I wanted to look at) and that he doesn't do anything on his devices other than work. I admittedly lost my cool at his refusal and he commented that he didn't want to encourage my behaviour and the final answer was no. + * I'm sure at this point I wouldn't be able to find anything anyways and I understand his feelings surrounding privacy (as I share the same feelings) so do I accept his ""no"" + apologize for losing my cool (submission) while also maybe asking for something else in return? (masculine/ reconciliation but also as a 'compromise' which is a point towards submission). + +The bottom line is that I don't know what to do and he doesn't know what to do. He seems to think it's not a big deal and that I'll manage to get over it. I know that managing your expectations is important in preventing resentment but I'm honestly really sick of just constantly trying to get over and accept things. I'm also not thrilled at the idea of spending the next few years trying to improve our relationship because ""it's not as bad as it could be"" according to my boyfriend. This really isn't the vision I had for my life but I'm also worried about being too selfish/ childish here. + +The sad thing is that I'm pretty sure I could just get over it. I could just continue on like before. I could just push myself to give him the things he wants and the relationship is supposed to have. Maybe I'd even learn to be happy. But I selfishly don't want to let him off without consequences. I just want him to try. But I can't seem to get the balance between reconciliation and femininity right to encourage him. Or maybe I'm just too jaded to really see and appreciate any efforts he's making? + +I'm running out of ideas and he also isn't sure what to do. So here I am once again turning towards you ladies for any proposals. I am determined to give absolutely everything I have before thinking of walking away. + +Also I know this would be the best option but neither of us have the money or time for MC or IC. Our previous couple's counsellor really wasn't helpful. I could maybe borrow some money for MC but this wouldn't be ideal so I'd rather try other things first.",,9,West_Army_160,1699690245.0 +RedPillWomen,17s81ir,Serious mommy issues,"I am the only daughter to a mother who is the most opposite of any red pill woman. She’s not feminine in the slightest, and has gotten in between my relationships with men. Think like angry feminist Karen. She’s miserable, but will never admit it. + +So I’ve never had a mom to show me the ropes so to speak about what it means to actually be a woman in this world. + +And ofc, because like mother like daughter I am the same lol. I’m in therapy, which is helping, but at the same time I just can’t get over “always wanting a mommy” to even focus on the opposite sex. Because my needs with my mom were and never will be met.",,35,christy0717,1699634572.0 +RedPillWomen,17seng7,I need help to make my bias go away,"Hello women! +i need help because i'm a super biased girl, and i feel like this is the best place to get help, i hate how i have an inner voice inside of me that makes me hate men for no reason and think they are monsters or mostly monsters, i hate how a voice inside of me makes me wanna side with women no matter what, but thankfully I don't do anything harmful in reality, but i hate being biased, i feel like it makes me evil, and i know being traumatized isn't an execuse, so any help to make this bias go away? or any eye-opening topic to me that can help? i just wanna be like the normal women in the past who weren't angry illogical feminists, even tho i'm not a feminist but it seems like feminism is a disease.. *sighs* so any help? especially that this bias makes me super angry and ruins many aspects in my life like relationship with male fam members, but i make sure to be justice too, i just hate the feeling, so it would be good to give tips!",,6,GEWEEKEKA,1699652633.0 +RedPillWomen,17s9omq,My ex-boyfriends best friend/roommate dm'd me on IG hitting on me...,"My(F27) ex-boyfriends(M27) roommate/bestfriend(M27) randomly followed me on Instagram today. My ex and I broke up two months ago.. (he dumped me for another girl) after dating a year and a half. The breakup was very messy. I hurt him by taking time for myself away from the relationship months ago, when I came back and was fully ready to be with him he was sneaking around with another girl who he'd been talking to the entire relationship. I went through his phone while we were ""working on the relationship"" and found out he was lying and cheating. His roommate heard a lot of our business being that he was one room over and once walked in on me yelling at my ex the day I found out he slept with someone else.. completely toxic and I am happy to be out the situation. Anyway, his roommate was always around and I spent a decent amount of time with him. I know that he has been in a relationship with a very nice girl who I was cordial with for at least 8 months could be longer I am not sure, just going off the timeline when I remembered meeting her. + +After my ex and I broke up, I went on hinge to try to move on and matched with a guy who I did not know at the time but is actually close friends with the roommate, even closer than my ex. It didn't go anywhere since I was so fresh off such a shit relationship. We went on two dates and he tried to pursue me but I was very honest about feeling emotionally unavailable and didn't think it would be a good idea to continue to see each other. + +When I was going through my break up there were a few times I thought about reaching out to the other girl my ex was involved with. It just felt so unfair... her and I were getting two different stories, two different sides, he was telling me they were ""just friends"" LOL. Telling her I was his crazy ex.. it was a nightmare and so toxic. I thought about reaching out to her to find out the truth, and so she could know the truth as well. But ultimately I let it go since we were breaking up, and I felt like it wouldn't serve a purpose most likely she'd take his word over mine. + +Today, I get a follow on Instagram, it's my ex's roommate. As soon as I accept the request he messages me ""Now that you are single I can tell you that you are sexy af\*drool emoiji\*""... I was shocked. This guy has no loyalty at all.. I responded ""Don't you have a girlfriend?"" and immediately he unsent the message, unfollowed me, and removed me from his followers. Now I feel super uncomfortable in this situation and I don't know how to handle it or if I should just leave it be. I think the right thing to do is to respectfully message his GF and say hey look I got this message \*insert screenshot\* I am so sorry. But I'm not sure if that's the right call because I don't want to stir the pot or cause drama around my name. + +How would you handle this??",,5,nottobedramaticbuht,1699638974.0 +RedPillWomen,17rxryf,What makes a woman classy?,I’ve come across women from different walks of life and from different age groups who excuse grace and elegance but I can’t seem to put my finger on what it is that they’re doing right. What in your opinion makes a woman classy? And what are some dos and don’ts pertaining to the same?,,35,Global_Moose_1991,1699596708.0 +RedPillWomen,17riwex,Is it better to invest on a Masters Degree or Plastic Surgery?,"I am in my early 30s and I earn around 60K per year. I live at home and currently saving either for a Masters Degree or Plastic Surgery. + +I get a lot of dates with successful men like doctors and dentists. They just want sex but none want to commitment due to my lack of schooling or attractiveness. + +How do I level up? + +I am planning to move to a different state with better men to choose from. But I need a higher salary to do so. + +I am deciding on what to do with my next step. If I jump to do a masters I will finish when I’m 36. If I get plastic surgery I will be 33. + +Update: I never slept with this guy ",,56,playersexposed,1699552835.0 +RedPillWomen,17rol27,It’s possible to fall in love twice with the same man?,"You fell in love with a man when you two where pretty young. Everything was perfect and beautiful, he is the most intelligent person you ever met, caring, romantic and fit. But eventually, you start noticing that the love cards, attention for little things and worry for his physical appearance disappear. You are still writing love letters, going to the gym to present him the best sexual version of yourself, satisfying him before your needs and thinking about incredible gifts to give him in his birthday. It has been 5 years, you are in your twienties and notice that you just gave him things too easy along your relationship. He is just used to you and comfortable in monotony. You start feeling disconnected, you are becoming two totally different beings, but damn, you still love him. Then comes inner anger, sadness, negotiation and acceptance, he just isn’t going change bc you made him too comfortable. The reality is that the only way that he is going to do so is if you leave him bc man only learn though trauma, and that’s a universal truth. But think about how bad it would be to see three moths later the perfect man that you wanted in him, with another woman by his side? Enjoying what you made the effort to build. Hard uh? So you decide to communicate, wait patiently and stay. + +He knows that you are doubting and what are the thing that makes you feel bad. But he doesn’t change them or is not enough. Maybe you communicate them too late. Inevitably, you have lost illusion and kinda fell out of love. Maybe it’s because you are in love with what you one day had and not with what is now, but there is still something inside of you that wants it to work. It’s posible to fell in love back with the same man? How?",,6,Hot_Doubt5379,1699568036.0 +RedPillWomen,17rn6wg,Is this a red flag?,"Hello all, + +Bf and I have been together for about a year. Everything’s going great, he’s 9 years older, we met thru work (we do social media and work together). He’s been masculine, taking care of me to the best of his ability, etc. Because he’s older, he often talks about how he wants kids, etc. and of course many months ago we started talking about these things, and I left it clear that I’d only move in with a guy if I have a ring on my finger + wedding date. + +Super unusual for him as he’s lived with two girlfriends in the past and his country is far from traditional. However he said he wants to marry me many months ago and soon we are going to visit my family in my home country and hes going to tell them our plans/ask for my hand. + +I don’t live him but do have to work at his house (without going into detail) and so I inevitably spend a lot of time/nights there. It’s almost like I live there sometimes which I do not like at all but I cannot help. We cook and clean for each other, which is fine but does make me feel like I’m playing wifey. He’s always asking me to stay more nights, which I don’t as I am paying rent in my studio and again, don’t want to play wifey when I’m gf. + +My contract for the studio ends this December (this is when he will speak to parents also). And I have to extend it another 6 months. I let him know about it, and frankly I think it’s great to wait another 6 months before moving together (which again I wouldn’t do without a ring). He said despite him always telling me to stay more etc, that 6 months is fine and part of the natural Course of things. + +He’s implied that that will be my last contract renewal/aka he will propose then. Of course if he doesn’t I will seriously reconsider everything and most likely leave, because I don’t want to be taken for a ride. However is this a red flag? On one side a lot of people think we are moving too fast, he’s told his family in joking around moments that we’ll have a wedding in 2025, and we’ve only been together a year, after all. And I think now it’s soon and 6 months are fine. + +But on the other side I think of all these girls on social media who always insist that if the guy really wants to marry you he’ll do it asap. We’re extremely busy right now with work, but at the same time I wonder if he wouldn’t have just proposed right after talking to my parents and not have me extend the contract? I wanted to extend it of course but I also question things now. + +Am i overthinking as I tend to do? I also don’t want to pressure anyone but I don’t want to waste my time either. Though if he follows up with his implications of proposing 1.5 years after we started dating, that’s not wasting my time, and we do talk about marriage often and he’s going to speak to my parents in another country. Idk, this just made me overthink things a bit, he’s really overwhelmed and stressed with work, and we are in a good position right now (again I think the timing is good, I just don’t know if his behavior is a red flag.) thoughts? Thank you! + +Edit: thank you all for the replies. He actually brought up this topic recently and said he really wished we could just live together already, and not have to extend the contract so long, but that first he wants to talk to my parents, and asked me if he thinks we should just do it right after that or wait this last extension, and we both concluded to just wait one last extension so that we don’t have to hurry everything, etc. ",,0,Consistent_Sleep_341,1699564386.0 +RedPillWomen,17qphgu,How do Men Want to be Seen as Physically Attractive?,"From my experience, the one who is usually supposed to be seen as physically attractive and visually sultry is always the woman: Makeup, nice clothes, lingerie, visual flirting, flashing, lap dances and stripteases, etcetera - as men are more visual than women. I have often seen posts of women who are very hurt by the fact that their husbands do not seem to find them physically attractive or hot anymore. + +I had never really considered that men also might want to be seen as “hot” physically by their wives until a little while ago. I was reading a Reddit thread by a woman who was asking for advice about how to help her husband get in the mood. One male commenter gave her advice: “*Glaze at him as if you were obsessed with him and need and want him s\*xually like you cannot live or breathe without feeling him or tasting him; as if you were utterly devoted and enamoured with him. Like he is a movie star or musician or famous footballer, and you are his biggest diehard fan; like he is the king of his own country that is a safe paradise for you. Stroke him and caress him as you stare at him like he is the best thing since sliced bread – very, very softly and sensually.*” + +I do not know if there is any Red Pill Women literature on this but I had never really thought about how men would like to be looked at by their wives until I read this. Some how - and I cannot really describe it - his comment struck me very deeply, as if it just seemed right? + +Later on I was listening to another Reddit story. It was written by a man who had never fancied monogamy; however one day he accidentally walked in on his friend and his wife going at it in the kitchen. They did not see him but he did seem them. He said he saw the way the women was looking at her husband and it instantly made him see his life of polygamy as empty. He said that in that moment he rethought his entire life and now desperately wanted a monogamous relationship with a woman who would look at him as she was looking at her husband. + +Clearly the visual of seeing women attracted to them means a lot to men? + +Later still I watched a compilation video on Youtube of women reacting to men with toned muscular bodies – nothing too big. The women were staring and feeling their abs or arms and sometimes even licking their torsos. The men seemed to be enjoying it and there were lots of men in the comments who said they wished women would look at them as the women in the video looked at the fit men. + +I feel like I have had my mind opened a little bit. What are your thoughts? + +* How should women look at their captains? +* Should it be genuine or should they try to fake it? +* How do you look at your captain or find him physically attractive? +* How do men really feel about it? Have any or your captains told you what they like? +* How does the male sense of wanting to feel attractive compare to women’s? + +\[Also this Subreddit just hit 70,000 members!\]",,50,TheRedPilledLurker,1699461102.0 +RedPillWomen,17pyg8y,"""The way to a man's heart is through his stomach""","In the past I've seen a lot of young women come on here that are similar to how I was: They're overwhelmed by the idea of learning how to cook. I'm here to be honest with you all this was me. My anxiety took hold of me and for the longest time I avoided cooking, even a couple years into my marriage. + +&#x200B; + +I want to give a bit of my story so that it may encourage some young ladies because I never really saw anyone struggling with this in the way I did. Yeah, recipes are easily accessible and yeah, you can learn literally everything from the Internet these days (which is how I eventually learned) but when you make something Big in your head it is just hard to overcome it. Luckily I realized along the way that there is ample motivation in learning to cook despite how much I hated it. + +&#x200B; + +I always wanted to be a homemaker. I loved the idea of curating a home while my husband went off and worked to bring in income because I personally don't enjoy being in the workforce. A huge part of creating this domestic lifestyle for my husband and I of course...was [cooking](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pmgczd/back_to_basics_september_the_wife_tests_part_1/). + +&#x200B; + +When I met my husband I could make two dishes. That's literally it. He on the other hand was an amazing cook and followed a healthy, balanced diet religiously. This just made me build that wall up in my head even higher. Nothing I could make would be as good as what he cooked anyway! But he always wanted me to take on the kitchen duties (he didn't push or berate but he teased me and even straight up asked me many many times). This really plays into creating a [soft place to land](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pu41u9/back_to_basics_september_the_essential_duties_of/). If you picture a warm and inviting home chances are you see delicious home cooked food on the table! + +&#x200B; + +Finally I could no longer justify avoiding it. I stopped working and went back to school. With arguably more free time I didn't have any reasonable case to justify my husband continuing to cook so begrudgingly I started to learn (we are talking 'learn to peel garlic' learn). I think I was about 26 when this happened, and had been married two years. + +&#x200B; + +My husband absolutely loved it. Didn't matter how basic it was, he complimented my food and usually went back for seconds. He bragged to his friends and family about it. I can honestly say as odd as it sounds our relationship improved after I started cooking! Not that it was bad before but it was clear to me this made him feel more appreciated and loved than anything else I could do for him. It took a lot of pressure off of him to no longer worry about meal planning and prepping since he was already spending so much mental energy at work providing for our family. I saw this common advice play out in my life and now I wish I had learned to cook sooner! + +&#x200B; + +Now after cooking for some time and getting plenty of experience with different dishes it's so much easier, and honestly even enjoyable. I genuinely love cooking now and I've started working on making more things from scratch (sourdough, spreads, canning, etc). It's a blast! I'm really proud of what I can do to provide my family with good food.So try to make that overwhelmingly large wall shorter in your head. Just dive in and do your best instead of beating yourself down. Cooking is a skill not an innate talent which means you can learn it and you can hone it! + +&#x200B; + +**Some practical tips:** + +* If you're not sure of anything seriously just Google it no matter how dumb the question seems to you. +* Clean as you go so the mess isn't overwhelming at the end. If you're waiting for something to cook on the pan before flipping it over just load up some dishes or tidy the space. It makes life so much easier. +* Follow recipes until you get a feel for what flavors go well together, how long to cook meats for etc. I get a lot of my recipe ideas from YouTube and I tend to go for ones that are meant as which weeknight meals because the ingredients are easy to find and the steps are simple. + +* Eventually you'll learn what ingredients you use a lot of. Stock up on these! It's always nice to have staples on hand. For example I use a *lot* of diced tomatoes, canned coconut milk, and beans. +* If you want to track the calorie information you can use MyFitnessPal's recipe feature to web search what online recipe you're using. You choose the serving size and it divides the ingredients for you for an accurate calorie count (husband and I tend to eat more than what counts as a serving on the websites lol). + +**Some sources I love for yummy recipes easy for beginners:** + +r/eatcheapandhealthy + +r/slowcooking + +r/mealprepsunday + +Julia Pacheco on YouTube/online + +Cooking with Claudia on YouTube + +Farmhouse on Boone on YouTube/online + +The All recipes website + +The Taste of home website",,56,Doom-Vixen,1699375377.0 +RedPillWomen,17pprem,Staying feminine during adversity,"I feel like being feminine comes easily to me when I’m in a good place in life, mentally and physically. Tough times tend to bring out a very masculine side of me where I can lose my cool and be ruthless. I’d like to know how you go about dealing with failure, rejection and the lows in a feminine way.",,33,Global_Moose_1991,1699345750.0 +RedPillWomen,17pyyu1,Something different from “I hear you”?,"What do you say besides I hear you that means the same thing? My husband says “I hear ya” to me in a somewhat dismissive way, so I think that’s what that means to him. Sometimes I will say “Wow, interesting” but he may be tired of hearing that lol",,6,SomberWinter13,1699376740.0 +RedPillWomen,17p6ewq,Damaged sex life,I have recently started applying the six intimacy skills by Laura Doyle. It has already helped tremendously but I'm curious as how to help with the sexual aversion on my end that has been created by his aggression in the past (he is no longer aggressive). I felt like I had to be intimate with him in moments I did not want to because he was my husband and now I pull away from him a lot when he tries to be flirty or sexy with me. It makes me cringe and I'm wondering if any of you have been in this situation and what you did to overcome or help it?,,25,Routine-Pickle7991,1699287599.0 +RedPillWomen,17ow1ke,I am obsessed with my husband but he no longer is with me.,"Back when we were dating and first 4~ years of marriage, my husband seemed obsessed with me and I was riding a high like no other. Now, 5 years in, i feel like I’m the only one obsessed with him, and while he cares for and loves me, it’s just not the same anymore. My previous post goes into a bit more of our relationship dynamic. + +I don’t know what the answer is. How do I stop feeling like my world is falling apart every time he doesn’t act the way he used to? I love him so much but I just don’t feel that he cares enough to make me happy how he used to anymore. + +I’ll give an example for the sake of putting this into perspective. We spent the afternoon together. We came home, relaxed on the couch. He put something on the TV and was on his phone for two hours, not making conversation. I stayed there just to be near him. Finally I got tired of waiting for him to engage with me so I got up and left to another room. He tried making conversation at that point but I was over it. Two more hours later he heads to bed, tried again to warm up to me. It makes me feel like a microwave dinner he can reheat whenever he wants. I left the room. + +We were briefly attending marriage counseling but had to put it on pause for the time being. + +I just don’t know how I’ll live the rest of my life remembering the relationship we used to have compared to what it is now. He’s always been an early riser and used to check on me sleeping at least once or twice. He no longer does that. He used to really empathize when I cried/felt a strong emotion. Now I look into his eyes and wish I could find the man I married . I love him so much that it hurts and I just want it to be like it used to. I used to feel like nothing in this world could affect me because I had him and the love he felt for me. I don’t feel that way anymore.",,69,abetterwifesomeday,1699249848.0 +RedPillWomen,17p597u,What do i do when he dont make me orgasmed?,"I met a great guy who have red pill qualities. Been dating for 1 and a half year, we talked about marriage. But he just cant make me cum. He tried going down on me and i let him but nothing.. i find him attractive and he turned me on so much but i dont know how to talk to him about this. I usually just fake it to not bruise his ego but i know this will make me frustrated and resent him. Please let me know how do i talk to him without hurting his feelings. 😢",,10,Embarrassed_Force565,1699284455.0 +RedPillWomen,17p3x5p,Where do we go from here,"My husband and I have been together for 3.5 years. We have a 5 month old baby. When we got together we were both very in the red pill mindset, as that being a goal for a traditional relationship. + +We both have flaws. I did not grow up in a redpill/traditional household and I definitely need to work more on not nagging him, not getting annoyed with his decisions, and being more positive and happy to be around. I run into a lot of issues with this because he also did not grow up in a traditional household and has his own issues that we've identified together. I'm having a hard time moving forward because of resentments I've built up over his lackluster relationship performance. He recently came clean about lying about smoking weed and watching porn. Which was fine, I told him I wouldn't be made if he told me the truth and I'm honestly not mad, mostly because I already knew he was lying about these things so it wasn't news to me. + +I'm having a hard time with our views on family life aligning. He wants to push and push to do his hobby which involves him traveling for half of the weekends of the summer, and leaves me at home with the baby and the dogs to take care of. He covers all the bills currently, I work very very part time when I can. I feel like he doesn't prioritize saving for a house or having a safety net. We agreed I would only work 40 hours a week in years 1 through 3 of our relationship so I could do all the cooking and cleaning and care of the dogs, and he could save for a house. No money got saved for a house even though he was working tons of overtime. We have no savings. He has 2 car payments totally 1300 a month, one of the cars he only drives a handful of times a year. I've tried to talk with him about how it doesn't make sense to pay for a car he almost never drives when were trying to save but he does not agree. + +He means well and is a very caring father and partner in many ways, but I am entirely burnt out being the mother, wife, chef, dog walker, house cleaner, part time worker, oh and I'm also trying to take over a family business so I can bring the baby to work with me. I feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall with someone who is not on the same page as me in reality, but told me when we got together that we had the same values and goals. There's a part of me at this point that just wants to get divorced, but I don't want my child to come from a broken home. I also don't want to find another husband and start all over again with a blended family. How do I proceed? Do I just accept we may live in an apartment forever? I'll never be seen being burnt out and begging for help and just have to keep on doing everything in a life setting that's not what I wanted to work for? Do we just get divorced?",,9,constantly_in_motion,1699280826.0 +RedPillWomen,17p4is3,Is my(22f) boyfriend(25m) too comfortable?,"A better title: + +DID MY BOYFRIEND FAIL HIS MISSION AS PROTECTOR THIS TIME? + +The other day I cancelled plans with him last minute because of my parents, they where mad at me and wouldn't walk the dog so I had to go home and do it. I live with them. He is very upset which I understand. + +He told me he feels I dont respect his time. That night I was very upset because of issues in the family. My boyfriend has no compassion for these things so I dont talk about it with him anymore. I have tried explaining how he could support me emotionally but he doesn't seem to understand. + +The day after I cancelled on him I texted him and told him I was feeling really sad and unwell. He knew that something was wrong since the night before. + +At 10.00 i text him to meet me, I told him I could meet him at a place I knew hw would meet a friend at. He was meeting his friend four hours later. + +He tells me he cant because it's too stressfull. + +I told him I would be at a mall nearby his house and he texts me later and asks if I would like him to come over to the mall and hang out with me for 1h-30min. + +I was so mad that I told him not to bother. He told me he could come there since it is so close to his house anyways. The energy was off. It wasn't ""you are sad and I need to check on you"", it was ""i might as well since you are so close by."". + +When i confronted him about this he told me he was unable to give me the comfort I needed since he was still irritated about me cancelling on him the day before. + +Is it just me or is this very odd behaviour for a man who is seeking a traditional relationship. He wants me to be submissive, feminine and cling to him for my every need. + +I have tried my best to be feminine and submissive, it doesn't always come easy following his lead and trusting that he makes the right decision. As an example my best friend and I were supposed to visit a thrid friend in the city she lives in. My boyfriend didn't like this idea because this third friend has guy friends and he didn't want me to visit her since I may see those guy friends. I didn't think it was reasonable but i complied and told my friend she could go without me. + +So I expect him to provide me with confort and care in the way I need it. I expect him to show up for me when I need it. Instead he let his feelings come in the way... I didn't even cancel our plans because I wanted to, I cancelled because my parents wouldn't let me go... Am I supposed to not be a submissive daughter while unmarried and then be a submissive wife when married? Does this make sense? + +When I texted him and told him I need him he wasn't there. I even texten that I was roaming around the city because I didn't want to be home because of my parents always yelling at med. He knew this and didn't even offer a comforting text... + +Am I overreacting?",,0,Immediate-Seat-5632,1699282476.0 +RedPillWomen,17oknrz,Advice on building female friendships,"Since puberty, I (26f) have really struggled to form close, lasting friendships with women. Some part of this is that I’m neurodivergent. So most of my friendships tend to be with other high functioning neurodivergent people, and there are just a lot more men in that group than women. However, when I do befriend women, I find that over time the friendship becomes pretty one-sided, with most of the enthusiasm / desire to spend time coming from me. + +Some of the problem, I’m sure, has to do with me being bad at carrying conversations and knowing how and when to ask more personal questions. Could make it tiring for whoever I’m with. + +I suspect another part of it is that I often get slotted into a “patient” role. I’ve got a lot of mental health issues and a history of trauma. I make a real effort not to talk about it very often (and to have a good time / be positive with others even when I’m struggling!), but it always comes out with my female friends eventually because they *always* ask (and then follow up on it!). After some time, I suspect they feel like they have to take care of me and can’t lean on me for support in their own lives. + +I hate this ^ dynamic and don’t know what to do about it. It’s made it so hard to have close friendships. + +Does anyone have advice? Do these things remind you of anyone you know in your own life? Please tell it to me straight. I would really appreciate some outside takes on this kind of thing, or suggestions about what I could be doing and how to improve, if anyone has ideas.",,21,SunRose42,1699215443.0 +RedPillWomen,17o7bcq,What is your Preference for Male Body Type?,"A little while ago I was reading an old post here and it mentioned that generally speaking women were attracted to men who looked strong and then specifically mentioned muscles and a six pack as facets of looking strong. + +I thought that this made sense for several reasons: + +1. Men having muscles requires dedication and consistency, both of which are good qualities in a leader +2. They look/are strong, and strength is an attractive quality in a leader +3. He clearly thinks about and looks after his health and fitness; so he might also became as concerned about his girlfriend/wife’s health and well being +4. It is less likely he will “let himself go” after marriage +5. People who workout tend to age better in terms of appearance +6. If he keeps it up into old age he is less likely to become physically frail as frailty is caused by age + inactivity +7. It is very masculine + +I am sure there are other reasons too but those were the 7 I thought of immediately. + +Recently I was in another subreddit and I read a post asking women what they thought of men with six packs and they were very negative. The most common responses were: + +* Nice to look at but I would not want to date someone with one +* I prefer to have a man with cushion +* He will probably spend too much time in the gym +* He is probably vain and self-obsessed • 6 packs are unnatural and do not look good +* Too intimidating +* You can only get abs if you are unhealthily obsessed +* Too much muscle is “gross” + +It was not a redpill sub, so a lot of them would have had different values for how they see men which might explain the difference; however it could be that lots of us here have the same opinions and it was just the original posts I read that were in the minority. + +What are your thoughts? + +What is the male body type you find most attractive? + +1. Shredded (muscles, no drugs) +2. Bulked (muscles + mass) +3. Toned +4. Skinny +5. Underweight +6. Overweight +7. Obese +8. Morbidly obese +9. Do not care +10. Other + +Also what to you think about asking your captain to workout more or less so he has a body you prefer? How would you feel about him asking you to exercise more or less? + +Edit: I know that shredded physiques are often not healthy, I am just asking for your physical preferences. Also assume no drugs, all natural.",,42,TheRedPilledLurker,1699171955.0 +RedPillWomen,17npzio,What to do after the first date?,"I just had a date with guy 2 days ago. It was our first time meeting in person after knowing each other for 4 days. It was great date. He doesn’t date often, and I’m trying this new RP way of dating. + +We both agreed that we prefer talking in person instead of texting, but he stills makes an effort to check in on me (I think it’s cute). Our conversation just doesn’t flow through text like it does in person. + +How do I keep him engaged until our next date? I already told him I want to see him again, and he agreed to do something within 7 days. I just don’t know if I can keep up the text convo for that long, and I don’t want give him the ick lol + +For our first date, I made it pretty clear that I wanted him to ask me out. Thankfully, he got the hint and planned the date. Should I plan the second one? + +Update: looks like I was nervous for no reason because I just got a text from him planning our second date! 🤣",,17,Delilahr,1699117162.0 +RedPillWomen,17nem3y,Cooking for boyfriend.,"Hi everyone. So my (f26) boyfriend (m28) has suggested that he would like for me to cook for him more. I have cooked for him (well us really because it was dinner time and I am making my dinner) a few times when he has come over to my place but now he is suggesting me to cook at his place (him buying the groceries ofc) more often. Should I do this? I love cooking and really enjoy it but, I know that cooking moves more into wife territory therefore, I don’t want to give a boyfriend wife treatment… + +Edit: THANKS for all the responses. they are all really helpful. I know relationships are trial and error, I just don’t want to do TOO much and find myself in the non-commitment bubble. ",,21,Swimming-Ad-4410,1699074916.0 +RedPillWomen,17n6n6l,Being the goddess of fun and light… when you aren’t feeling it,"So, LD talks a lot about being the goddess of fun and light. How do we be that when we aren’t feeling it? Sometimes, you just want to be like “whatever” …. 🫠",,20,patchouliflowers,1699049776.0 +RedPillWomen,17n8myw,How can I be more social and feminine?,"I am very much an introvert and apparently do a lot of “masking” (aka hide my true personality and be who I think others want to fit in better). So a mixture of both just causes me to be exhausted any time I need to socialize. I end up avoiding as much socialization as possible and it’s affecting my dating life. It’s a bad way to live and also a bad look. I feel like an outsider around women especially. + +I want so badly to be a typical woman that has a close circle of friends and does all the planning/organizing/get togethers. + +Is there a way to train my social battery? Is there a trick to make close friends? +I am in therapy, but I’m really more looking for hacks and tricks, or advice.",,14,Justadumbagent,1699055306.0 +RedPillWomen,17nbv8l,Advice on safe/modest dating?,"I feel like this may be the most helpful sub because it will understand my modest (maybe prude) upbringing. I’m 24 and have never been in a relationship, I came to the US and started establishing an independent life here. I have a desire to start dating and potentially find a husband and I know I’m quite late on that for a 24 year old, but I still am very concerned on safety and modesty if I’m honest. I’d like to save myself for marriage and I’m only interested in serious relationships. Do you think I’ll have a chance trying dating apps like bumble? Or should I keep focusing on myself until I meet someone spontaneously? +What are some general safety rules I should follow other than not giving your location",,5,stellaok,1699065068.0 +RedPillWomen,17mt3td,How much have you changed your style for your partner?,"I’m very interested in hearing from other women on how and if they’ve changed their personal style for their partner? + +What was your style before, what is it now? How did the whole process make you feel? Do you regret it or feel happier? + +I changed my style to something more preppy/basic for my husband, it’s quite opposite from my original style (black monochrome with hints of colour). Feeling unsure about it but want advise and experiences from women in this sub.",,16,mishkaforest235,1699011647.0 +RedPillWomen,17n9ky9,My period doesn't come yet,7 days from now. Didn't have intercourse in a long time and I have been very regular on the periods so this for me is an abnormal situation. I have my doubts on go the gynecologist yet so I want to ask to the ladies here if this had happened to you in the past and I should have be worried by now 🤔,,0,Direct-Ad-5394,1699058002.0 +RedPillWomen,17mkk4o,Perspectives on priorities from a RPW POV?,"My life is in [City]. All of it, now. It's where my parents are almost certain to die, when they do; it's where I live and work; it's where I'm finally some degree of happy after a long period of struggling to fit in. + +I don't know that I can leave. So I don't know that I can entertain suitors who don't have strong ties here. Like, so strong that when we promise each other commitment, what we're promising each other is here. + +Even after what I hope are 20 more years with my parents here, I still won't be able to promise I can leave because what I do is pretty specialized. We'd have to look for somewhere that they're hiring for what I do, or I'd have to start over. Again. Now that I've finally found real peace in *one* part of my life. Like I've figured out what God meant me to be doing. + +But when I think about that, I think, ""Oh, no. I'm putting my career before my potential Captain's happiness."" + +And then I feel sick. Because it feels like I have to choose between having a career, and the security that brings me, and the uncertainty of a husband. The reason I'm so against a 100% provider for myself? Men die. Men divorce us. And men discover the urge to live out the rest of their days in places I could never, would never, follow them. + +Is it okay to put your foot down about where you need to live to be happy and secure? How many of you have done just that? If you're a man, would you be able to tolerate that if you loved her? + +TIA for any wisdom you can offer. Laying this one at the foot of the masters.",,2,diaryofalostgirl,1698977899.0 +RedPillWomen,17luwxk,Regarding Body Count and not being a Virgin,"I’m 25 years old. There was a point in my life where I only wanted to persevere sex for relationships. This isn’t an excuse to do what I did but I eventually went through a phase of my mental health spiraling and got into casual situations. + +My count is 7 but I’m wondering if that would be too high and undesirable for men especially if traditional to consider me as a potential partner. + +I even dated two men where the situation didn’t end well for me or that I settled for whatever they were willing to give me and it’s just really messed me up a lot mostly from the first guy. + +I just feel like because of my poor dating history and body count, I’d be seen as used and damaged. I just wanted to get this off my chest and to hopefully bring some relatability to anyone who wants to see other’s insights. Based on what’s said in men’s spaces, I don’t deserve any grace just because I’ve “learned my lesson” and that now it’s wrong to have the next man wait.",,28,Waxflower8,1698896988.0 +RedPillWomen,17lg75w,Is it masculine to buy concert tickets for a guy I’m dating?,"Im 23f and have dated 26m for about 2 months now. He always paid for everything such as nice dinners, very girly exhibitions that I asked to see with him, drives me every where, sends Ubers if he’s too tired to drive e etc. +He’s extremely busy and always has a lot going on throughout the day. I asked him if he liked this artist and he said yes, and that he’s up for it. The date is very soon and I’m scared that the tickets will sell out - so I decided to just buy both. I already know that he’s going to drive us there anyway and we will eat before. + +I already know that guys in his industry are generous but skeptical of being used. I think I already proved to him that I genuinely like him because I started hanging out with him at our places. How do I go about showing him our tickets without sounding patronizing or masculine. Would a provider mentality man even be offended or just see it as me being nice?",,13,stayathomedaughter8,1698856568.0 +RedPillWomen,17lbglm,How can I have him understand that he hurt me without “nagging”,"Hi beautiful ladies. I am seeking advice on how to compose myself when he has done something to disappoint me. + +I express how hurt I am, but this always backfires. He tells me to stop being “bad vibes” and that he’s not enjoying speaking to me. So what can I do better? + +Perhaps he doesn’t enjoy talking to me when I do this because I am criticising him? Is that the issue here? (When you did X it made me feel Y and affected me like Z. And that’s too “bad vibes” because I’m talking about my pain and “blaming” him. Is this the issue? I shouldn’t blame or criticise him for hurting/disappointing me?) + +I *want* to let it go, but I then feel like he wasn’t held accountable. That he “got away” with upsetting me with no consequences. **So how can I have him understand that he hurt me without “nagging”.** + +I get the impression that he’s trying to say, “I already understand how hurt you are, stop going on about it”. But I feel like he doesn’t understand, that’s what frustrates me! How can I make him understand? + +Or maybe he _does_ understand and I am unsatisfied with his response. I want him to fix things, but I don’t want to *beg* him to fix things. But I want him to know that I want him to fix things… + +I don’t want to be unattractive when I do this. How can I handle this in a feminine way? Thanks in advance.",,12,pinkmwah,1698843270.0 +RedPillWomen,17lbidz,Tips for getting ready quickly,"My husband has asked me to simplify my morning routine, so I can get ready in less than 30 minutes. Currently, it takes me a little over an hour to shower, dry and style my hair, apply makeup and get dressed. + +I’ve tried getting up earlier so I’m all ready by the time my husband gets up, but the noise of me getting out of bed wakes him up. I think he wants me to be able to get up at the same time as him, and get ready in 30 minutes or less, so I’m done before our kids get up and I am free to get them ready while he leaves for work early. + +He has told me that he doesn’t want me to use dry shampoo, because he doesn’t like that it leaves dust/film in the bathroom and he just generally doesn’t want it in the air in our home. I asked about spraying it outside, but that doesn’t appear to be a solution, so a daily shower will be a must for my hair and skin type. + +My job requires me to dress business professional and to be very put together on a daily basis. + +Any tips for getting through a shower, hair, makeup and into a suit in less than 30 minutes? + +Thank you!",,10,StunningSort3082,1698843426.0 +Feminism,phrcrn,This is a comprehensive list of resources for those in need of an abortion,"**Update** I guess I've been mass reported for posting these links over Reddit becuase they've suspended my account for ""violating content policy"". I've tried to appeal multiple times but they don't even reply. Please keep posting these links, now that Roe has been overturn we need them more than ever. + +This is a list of resources I’m compiling for people who need an abortion. If you know of any other resource not listed here please let me know and I’ll add it to the list. + + +Please repost & share with as many people as possible in whichever platform you want (feel free to bookmark these sites, print out this list, write it down or take screenshots in case it gets deleted), so those who are denied access to safe abortion know there's help for them and how to access it ♡ + + +• **r/auntienetwork** is a network of people who can help provide assistance in a handful of ways to those who need help with an abortion. + + +• [**Aidaccess**]( https://aidaccess.org/) consists of a team of doctors, activists and advocates for abortion rights that help people access abortion or miscarriage treatment. They send the pill worldwide for $110/90€ + + +• [**Planned Parenthood**](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/pregnancy/pregnancy-options) Unplanned Pregnancy - A Comprehensive Guide + + +• [**Plan C**](https://www.plancpills.org/) provides up-to-date information on how people in the U.S. are accessing abortion pills online + + +• [**Ceinfo**](https://www.cecinfo.org/country-by-country-information/status-availability-database/countries/united-states-of-america/), Emergency Oral Contraceptive Doses for Birth Control, U.S. + + +• [**Ceinfo**]( https://www.cecinfo.org/country-by-country-information/status-availability-database/), Emergency Oral Contraceptive Doses for Birth Control, International + + +• [**Abortionfunds**](https://abortionfunds.org/need-abortion/) connects you with organizations that can support your financial and logistical needs as you arrange for your abortion. + + +• [**Yellowhammerfund**](https://www.yellowhammerfund.org/) is an abortion fund and reproductive justice organization serving Alabama and the Deep South. + + +• [**Teafund**](https://teafund.org/) Texas Equal Access Fund provides emotional and financial support to people who are seeking abortion care. + + +• [**Gynopedia**](https://gynopedia.org/Gynopedia_Index) is a nonprofit organization that runs an open resource wiki for sexual, reproductive and women's health care around the world + + +• [**Womenonweb**](https://www.womenonweb.org/) online abortion service can help you do a safe abortion with pills. + + +• [**The Satanic Temple**](https://thesatanictemple.com/) stands ready to assist any member that shares its deeply-held religious convictions regarding the right to reproductive freedom. Accordingly, they encourage any member in Texas who wishes to undergo the Satanic Abortion Ritual to contact them so they may help them fight this law directly. + + + +• [**Carafem**](https://carafem.org/) helps with abortion, birth control and questions about reproductive healthcare. They do consultations online and send abortion pills on the mail. + +• [**Frontera Fund**](https://fronterafundrgv.org/about-us/) makes abortion accessible in the Rio Grande Valley (Texas) by providing financial and practical support regardless of immigration status, gender identity, ability, sexual orientation, race, class, age, or religious affiliation and to build grassroots organizing power at intersecting issues across our region to shift the culture of shame and stigma. + +• [**Buckle Bunnies Fund**](https://www.bucklebunnies.org/about) provide practical support for people seeking abortions. H help with transportation, funds to help with hotels, lodging costs and emergency contraceptive funds to actually go towards abortion. + +• [**The Afiya Center**]( https://www.theafiyacenter.org/our-work)s mission is to transform the lives, health, and overall wellbeing of Black womxn and girls by providing refuge, education, and resources. Theye act to ignite the communal voices of Black womxn resulting in our full achievement of reproductive freedom. + + +• [**Lilithfund**](https://www.lilithfund.org/portfolio/about/) is the oldest abortion fund in Texas, serving the central and southern regions of the state with direct financial assistance for abortions. + +• [**Needabortion**](https://needabortion.org/) provides resources about where to get an abortion (financial help and transportation) and how to get help getting an abortion in Texas. + +• [**Jane’s Due Process**](https://janesdueprocess.org/) helps minors in Texas with judicial bypass for abortion, navigate parental consent laws and confidentially access abortion and birth control. They provide free legal support, 1-on-1 case management, and stigma-free information on sexual and reproductive health. + + +• [**Fund Texas choice**](https://fundtexaschoice.org/) helps Texans equitably access abortion through safe, confidential, and comprehensive travel services and practical support. + + + + + + +**______________________________________________________________________________** + + +Please beware of websites that sell [**fake abortion pills**](https://www.womenonwaves.org/en/page/974/warning-fake-abortion-pills-for-sale-online) and [**fake clinics**](https://www.google.com/search?q=fake+abortion+clinics&source=hp&ei=Ma4zYZfvG_2x5OUPl5SSoAI&iflsig=ALs-wAMAAAAAYTO8QSMobwAesw1YlFYxEgawA2Os1_G1&oq=fake+abortion+clinics&gs_lcp=Cgdnd3Mtd2l6EAM6DQguEMcBENEDEEMQkwI6BQgAEIAEOgsILhCABBDHARCjAjoLCC4QgAQQxwEQ0QM6BQguEIAEOgUIABCRAjoECAAQQzoECC4QQzoFCC4QkQI6CAgAEIAEEMkDSgUIQBIBMVCLBlifHWC_H2gAcAB4AYABhgKIAZoRkgEGMTMuNy4xmAEAoAEB&sclient=gws-wiz&ved=0ahUKEwjXy-il7eXyAhX9GLkGHReKBCQQ4dUDCAY&uact=5) run by religious groups where they lie and spread misconceptions about abortion to trick people into keeping their fetus. They also promise help and resources that never materialize. The best way to avoid these fake clinics is learning how to recognize them, so I’m linking a couple of short documentaries on the subject that include hidden camera footage exposing their deceptive tactics: + +* [**The Fake Abortion Clinics Of America: Misconception**](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g-ex4Q-z-is) +* [**Crisis Pregnancy Centers: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver**](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4NNpkv3Us1I) + +**Note**- Some of these websites may be blocked in your country by your internet service provider. You can bypass this block using a VPN like [this one](https://protonvpn.com/), it's free, safe and easy to install. To get rid of banners and pop-ups you can install [uBlock Origin](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/ublock-origin/cjpalhdlnbpafiamejdnhcphjbkeiagm?hl=en) and [Popup Blocker](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/popup-blocker-strict/aefkmifgmaafnojlojpnekbpbmjiiogg?hl=en). They work on most browsers, on phone as well on PC and it takes a few seconds to install them.",,3137,elkatiuskas,1630761302.0 +Feminism,1adyg93,Just average antifeminist man failing in the system they defend things,,https://i.redd.it/z6tebhgohefc1.jpeg,1033,onlyforsex,1706543444.0 +Feminism,1ae4riu,Who are r/movies most disliked actors? You guessed it,,https://i.redd.it/iobtszogrffc1.png,398,edaiic,1706558793.0 +Feminism,1adyjfg,Men's cruelty: watch this artistic experiment,,https://youtube.com/shorts/iEKc9gUWdlU?si=3QOt7AwDbQ0IVQUm,92,TheWholeBakery01,1706543677.0 +Feminism,1adme78,"Divya Deshmukh, an Indian women's grandmaster shared her thoughts about how women are treated in the chess world.",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1adme78,331,Liberal-fascist,1706501889.0 +Feminism,1adsqm1,‘A trauma upon a trauma’: Denial of Oct. 7 sexual violence haunts local survivors,,https://jweekly.com/2024/01/25/a-trauma-upon-a-trauma-denial-of-oct-7-sexual-violence-haunts-local-survivors/,35,tristessellate,1706526124.0 +Feminism,1ad87yk,I’m so pissed that so many people are still glamorising the r*pist Kobe Bryant.,"It's incredibly frustrating to see people abandoning any moral compass when a celebrity they like does something horrible. I genuinely hope that those who are still making posts saying how much they miss him and wishing him to ""rest in peace"" are simply unaware of his actions. However, throughout the last four years I have seen hundreds of comments, unfortunately even from women, either denying what happened or, worse, justifying it because he “apologised” or “he’s dead now”. I hate how the glamorisation of a r*pist is so widely normalized.",,822,ellieaniston021,1706463807.0 +Feminism,1aeh7ii,"I remember watching the TV Show ""Charmed"" as a child. Looking upon TOH, I was given pleasant nostalgia",,https://i.redd.it/pny0sjhzjifc1.png,1,ClaireDacloush,1706593540.0 +Feminism,1aecxph,BTW,"Women today can’t decide what to do with their own body’s in different states in America because of the leaders in these states. +Btw did you know that only 28% of the congress are women. + +Super bowl is coming up and the most attention a women will get during that event is the reporter when one of the teams full of men has won. +Btw there is no women’s super bowl. + +I hate getting periods especially because of the costs of tampons and pads because they are taxed. +Btw viagra isn’t + +Did you know that male athletes make up to 15-100% more money then female athletes do. +Btw according to a new study by “Forbes” only 40% of men are in favor of equal price money between men and women in sports. + +Barbie, a movie made by women for women. +Btw the song “I just ken”, a song about men in a movie full of women won the price at the critics choice awards for best song. + +The list for the top 10 richest people in the world just dropped. +Btw only one was a women. + +I’m so happy to live in a society where women and men are equal. +Btw women only makes 82 cents for every dollar a man makes when doing the same job. + +Did you know that 91% of all SA victims are women and 99% of the predators are male. “Yes but men are more likely to commit suicide”. Yes and that’s a problem as well that should be talked about but that doesn’t make our problems any less important. +Btw according to new studies it shows that actually more women commit suicide then men but more men succeed, but this is never talked about. + +Men and women are equal- 43% of men.",,1,NoAd9703,1706580146.0 +Feminism,1aeb6u3,This is how I feel separated after 25 years.,"In the tapestry of tales, you once believed, A checklist unfolds, sleeves rolled, perceived. Empathy, the essence, the thread interweaved. + +Time, a dancer, swirling in rhythmic climb, Each expectation, a weight, builds with effort, the time. Love, a labor, harder work, a paradigm. + +Dig deep, seek the cracks, self-reflection's art, The narrative sculpted, mending each part. +The burden is mine, to mend, to restart. + +Self-care, they preach, the elusive key, A stone transformed, an unexpected decree. Always me, the custodian of my destiny. + +Gathered are things, food, money's embrace, Yet don't dismiss desires' fiery embrace. +The stone wall whispers, confined to its space. + +Time strides forth, fatigue takes its toll, The body shifts, a story to unfold. Veil lifted, thunder echoes, plea untold. + +Cries for help, like whispers in the breeze, The stone listens, but to others, it appeases. Yet when broken, the stone retreats with ease. + +Why linger when the human appliance wanes? The stone departs, unheeding the pains. +In the silence, echoes of what remains.",,1,ILikeCoffeeAnd,1706575221.0 +Feminism,1aeakx8,I feel like a fake feminist,"I love being independent. I'm married and close with my family, but I have always identified as being strong and independent. My parents made sure I learned how to do ""manly things"", plumbing, cars, building, etc. In the past week I have needed to be bailed out by a man due to car trouble. I was driving my husband's car and popped a tire after running over some unavoidable metal in the road. I can change a tire no problem but my husband's car has a special lug nut on that requires a tool that he had accidentally taken out of his car. I had to call him to come ""rescue"" me so I could get to work. Then again today I needed to jump start my car and in the process locked my keys in the car, so my dad had to bring me my spare key. I know these are all out of my control and it doesn't mean I'm incapable, but it makes me feel like some kind of damsel in distress. Anyone else feel this way? Like somehow I'm falling to the patriarchy by needed a man's help at all, even though I know that's not the case.",,1,CaptainFinancial6201,1706573505.0 +Feminism,1aea57t,Female solo entrepreneur,"Hi +Im a woman entrepreneur who recently launched a fashion production business. Im finding it very odd that many friends/family when they first find out I started my business their first question is “Oh ! Who are you business partners?” At first I thought it was probably just random question. But it’s repeatedly the first and only question these people are asking me! Now its starting to feel sexist like they can’t believe a woman would start her own business like that?! What do you think? ",,1,Initial_Spinach3927,1706572323.0 +Feminism,1adiz91,Why do like to dumb myself when im talking to men?,"Im a feminist and Its not something im proud of, I correct it inmediately because I dont need to degrade myself that way, but I It seems incredible to me that the first instinct is that I like the idea of ​​being the stupid one, I think it is an example of how much we women have our heads screwed up because of this sexist society",,51,GMar_02,1706491571.0 +Feminism,1ad1r6v,I don't understand why men think they're entitled to a relationship,"My friend was recently asked out by a guy from our college and she politely turned him down, explaining that she's not really looking for a relationship right now. He got annoyed and started saying that women don't appreciate nice guys like him. + +Honestly, I could rant forever about these self-proclaimed ""nice guys"". They're not genuinely nice, they're strategic. They act all nice to manipulate their way into a relationship. That's why they're always whining about their supposed niceness because for them being nice is just a means to an end. Real nice and kind people are selfless. They do things without expecting anything in return. Unlike these guys who seem to think they deserve a reward just for basic decency. + +These guys feel entitled to a relationship simply because they've been nice. When faced with rejection, instead of reflecting on their own behavior, they often blame the woman and refuse to accept that she simply may not be interested and it's not a personal attack on them. They fail to introspect and consider that their own actions or personality might be the issue.",,425,ilovefrenchfriestoo,1706445433.0 +Feminism,1adrf8f,A useful Infographic going over women in parliament by country I found on instagram,https://www.instagram.com/p/C2pr8WIBRut/?igsh=dXQxNXZoYmdlajZi,,6,Forsaken-Chemist-351,1706520798.0 +Feminism,1acrela,I wish!,,https://i.redd.it/6be1goo293fc1.jpeg,991,AdNo9472,1706407325.0 +Feminism,1ach9xh,The comments make me roll my eyes back into my head,,https://i.redd.it/6sekbauh9uec1.jpeg,1203,tardisismine,1706379800.0 +Feminism,1acws0i,“Guilty Pleasures”,"Has anyone ever noticed that the concept of a “guilty pleasure” is really just misogyny rewrapped? 9 out of 10 times when someone mentions a “guilty pleasure” it’s some stereotypical feminine thing like rom-coms, Frappuccinos, or professional manicures. It’s just a sneaky way to say that feminine stuff is embarrassing and shameful. It seems like we as women aren’t allowed to *enjoy* anything. If we express liking something, we’re either lying or that thing is stupid anyway. But of course we can’t say we don’t like anything, because then we’re joyless and prudish. So we have to enjoy things in a way that is acceptable to men (by shaming ourselves for it or deferring to them whenever it comes up). Then marketers have to play this fun game of advertising these feminine activities and products to us while of course acknowledging how shameful it is to like it for the sake of liking it, like how all beauty products are about “empowerment” now. It’s not about being *feminine*, it’s about *being yourself*. Which is not traditionally feminine, because that would be embarrassing. Instead purchasing fancy perfume is a “guilty pleasure”, something you have to properly beat yourself up about before you can truly enjoy it. ",,112,InsaneJul,1706425357.0 +Feminism,1acho38,Pretty much exactly what I hear when someone says this,,https://i.redd.it/qxc90qm921fc1.jpeg,911,Hairy-Special-6077,1706380822.0 +Feminism,1acihkj,Thing that should come as a surprise to absolutely no one - Bill Maher is a smug sexist.,"I was nonconsensually\* watching his show and he started talking about the Barbie movie and how feminists are apparently outraged by the lack of Oscar nominations. I was very shocked by the news that I was, in fact, upset about how the Barbie movie was doing at the Oscars. He then went on to ask, in a comically faux-bad boy kind of way, if the patriarchy was still REALLY a thing. He and his guests, Seth MacFarlane and Adam Schiff, then proceeded to discuss the wage gap. Adam Schiff basically tried to say, in a tastefully jocular way, that the wage gap is real because women face complex issues. Seth MacFarlane said some stuff I don't remember. Bill Maher said there were REASONS for the gap, and that it wasn't like in this day and age you can just PAY SOMEONE LESS for being ""having to squat to pee."" + +My impression of Bill Maher has always been that he's a limousine liberal whose contrarian and mean-spirited style didn't suit my taste. I thought he was obviously smart and occasionally funny, but mostly, I didn't understand why he needed to act like such a smug jerk about everything. In my personal life, I don't like people who act as though painful issues are just some big joke that they're too evolved to take seriously. So I don't like it in public figures either and now I literally never want to hear his douchy voice again. + +It seriously pissed me off that NOT ONE of these three white male panelists said anything to the effect of ""Maybe 3 straight cis guys aren't in the best position to decide whether or not there's still a patriarchy."" + +\*I live with someone who watches every week",,396,Cesmina12,1706382958.0 +Feminism,1aceqbj,I was harshly downvoted for pointing out the racist hypocrisy of men in my Country,"My home country is very patriarchal, and issues like victim blaming, femicides, and sexual harassment happen all the time, much more frequently than in Western societies. The thing is, our country is having a lot of illegal immigrants from cultures that might even increase the rate of these incidents. The same men who are prone to victim blaming in cases of femicide or harassment are completely united against it when the perpetrator is an immigrant, as if it's not the same shit. I pointed this out and was harshly downvoted. I don't frequently use Reddit; is it a bad thing to say my opinion in these kinds of subs?",,414,gullubom,1706373184.0 +Feminism,1acmp9g,Why do older men harass younger women so often?,"How come every time a young woman asks this question, they are gaslight by Men/Pick Me's and just told it's ""biological""? I don't need to explain how stupid it sounds to say men approach women in their 20s because of +""biology""? Like ALL women in their 20s are attractive? And like finding someone physically attractive MAKES you approach them? Good. +So what's the real answer?",,112,Lovehandsomemen313,1706394143.0 +Feminism,1actzc9,Is Labyrinth (1986) too problematic to show to my kid?,"First off, I’m so sorry, I’m new to this sub and hope it’s the right place to ask this. But I would really like some feminist insights on this one… + +I’m an old millenial and grew up watching Labyrinth (1986) pretty much on repeat. + +There weren’t many interesting movies with a strong female protagonist in those days, and I just loved the story, the characters, the weird universe, and - of course - David Bowie. + +God, he was so hot 😅 This movie was pretty much my sexual awakening. + +It was only when I got older that I realized how problematic the whole thing was. The age difference. The creepy menacing vibe. The whole thing is borderline rape culture-ish. + +And yet. I still believe this movie has a lot going on for it, that it is a visual treat, tells a wonderful and - all things considered - inspiring and empowering story. + +I loved it and would love to share this with my 8yo girld… but… but…. + +Do I really want this movie to potentially be (part of) her sexual awakening?? + +How problematic do you think this movie actually is? Would you show it to your kids?",,31,No-Management-2729,1706415415.0 +Feminism,1acic07,Kenya femicide: Hundreds protest at violence against women,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-68116854,112,BurtonDesque,1706382553.0 +Feminism,1acnr4b,WOMEN IN POLITICS 2023,"This data from the UN tells us that women are still the minority of Heads of State and Government. They are still deeply under-represented in government leadership, at less than one in four Cabinet Ministers, with men continuing to dominate critical portfolios such as the economy, defence, and energy.",https://hermitology.me/f/women-in-politics-2023,22,TheHermitologist,1706396922.0 +Feminism,1acu56f,Newsletter of essential women's news all over the world,"Hello! I would really like to be updated on women's affairs all over the world. Unfortunately, I just do not have the time to do so. + +&#x200B; + +Is there a newsletter of essential women's news and affairs all over the world that I can subscribe to? Thank you very much!",,6,Loud-Designer-2925,1706415972.0 +Feminism,1ac2fgv,Women need to be PAID for going through pregnancy and childbirth,"The government should be paying women handsomely for their sacrifice. And you can't even put a price on health. + +Pregnancy, childbirth and post-partum is extremely taxing physically and mentally. + +There is pain, literal torture. Horrific side-effects and health issues some of which can be lifelong. + +Women need clauses in their prenups stating that if there are children, they will be compensated for what they go through to bring life into the world. There should be a clause that any and every health issue and concern that comes up down the line will be covered. + +Thoughts? Much more legislation is needed to protect women. And lawyers will get a good deal out of it too, drawing up these protective contracts.",,481,Master-End3828,1706329911.0 +Feminism,1acmwxa,Can we talk about the Taylor Swift Ai photos?,Like WTF?? I hope this isn't just brushed off. No doubt in my mind Taylor has seen them herself...just disgusting. I see this happening to more female celebrities.,,17,Lovehandsomemen313,1706394715.0 +Feminism,1ad6cyg,I feel bad that men are nice to me," +My roommate keeps on talking about how sad she is that all men have an agenda and that they have an ulterior motive when befriending her. One of her best friends from high school recently confessed that he was attracted to her and she vented to me about it. Of course I sympathized but deep down I felt bad about not having the same outlook she has. She’s a lot more cautious with men and that’s because she has more bad experiences but in my experience men have been nice to me. I have genuine friends who are male and I remember when the Barbie movie came out I felt bad I couldn’t relate to it like others can. The most I can relate to is the beauty standard stuff but men have never really liked me even just for my body and I feel sad I haven’t experienced being objectified. +Am I a real woman if I have never been treated as an object which is apparently a universal experience? There was also this tiktok trend where women were talking about the universal experience of having to listen to a man play his guitar for you and I never experienced it. The thought of having a man do that for me makes me excited and I think it’s sweet but I pretend to be disgusted like all my other friends just so I can call myself a feminist. +I wish I could also complain about how much I’m being treated like a pretty face because at least I’d be desirable. It’s so fucked up and I wonder if this is discussed in feminist circles.",,0,shylilanon,1706459044.0 +Feminism,1ad50rn,"Feminists of Reddit, do you adhere to the movement as whole or cherry pick key notions in the different waves?","Working on a school paper and there is little to no research on my specific question. I was hoping to get some feedback on your end. + +Personal experience +Links/sources/sauce + +All the aforementioned would be greatly appreciated + +Thanks a bunch!",,0,CanadianPhook,1706455509.0 +Feminism,1admfbj,skincare is bullshit,"Unless you have certain medical condition and need to use a cream to treat said skin condition or have bad acne you dont need a skincare routine. In fact I'm fully convinced it's capitalistic brainwashing to sell people products. Water and occasionally sunscreen is enough. + +I have always had smooth skin, everybody always asks me why my skin is so good and the reason is because I don't destroy it with hormonal chemical procucts. Even if your skin is ""flawed"" you still do not need skincare. It's a marketing strategy to sell you unnecessary products to combat the emptiness capitalism provides to you. Selling us women the idea that skincare will purify our mistakes of looking flawed as women.",,0,Youguess555,1706501991.0 +Feminism,1acgwzw,Anime Has a Villainess Problem,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9R68iV4E9Q,15,ClaireDacloush,1706378868.0 +Feminism,1abpfhy,"Texas had estimated 26,000 pregnancies from rape since total abortion ban",,https://www.dallasnews.com/news/public-health/2024/01/25/texas-had-estimated-26000-pregnancies-from-rape-since-total-abortion-ban/,546,audiomuse1,1706294216.0 +Feminism,1abive7,Flabbergasted by story my cousin’s school is using to teach children to read.,How does this not teach kids from a young age that women must take sole responsibility of taking care of the family? Very appalling.,https://i.redd.it/g5uqe7dcisec1.jpeg,1167,Aromatic_Net9068,1706277265.0 +Feminism,1abwbde,Highs and Lows of Women's portrayal in Anime,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCGlnDaQ5kc,17,ClaireDacloush,1706311803.0 +Feminism,1abryjh,Participate in Women's Research! University Study Researching Ethnicity and Female Genital Self-Image,"**Sex Education, Parental Attitudes, and Gender Role Beliefs: Explaining Ethnic Differences in Female Genital Self-Image** + +**Principal Investigator:** + +Jan Cioe, Ph.D., R.Psych., Psychology Department, UBC Okanagan, email: [jan.cioe@ubc.ca](mailto:jan.cioe@ubc.ca) + +**Co-Investigators:** + +Olivia Solano, Undergraduate Student, Psychology Department, UBC Okanagan, email: [osolano@student.ubc.ca](mailto:osolano@student.ubc.ca) + +Samantha Maki, Research Coordinator, Psychology Department, UBC Okanagan, email: [hsexualitylab@gmail.com](mailto:hsexualitylab@gmail.com) + +**Description:** + +The purpose of this study is to examine ethnic differences in women’s perceptions of their vulvas. The research also aims to identify the relationship between ethnicity and genital self-image. Existing literature on women’s genital self-image has been conducted with primarily White women, with very little literature investigating the influence of ethnicity and culture on self-appearance ratings. Therefore, it is necessary to identify ethnic differences that may exist to better support women of all backgrounds. + +If you choose to participate in this study, you will complete an online, cloud-based survey using the Qualtrics Survey platform. This study will involve answering questions about your perceptions of your own vulva. You will also be asked to complete a demographics questionnaire and to answer survey questions about conversations of sex-related topics with your parents, your parents' attitudes toward sex, and your own gender role beliefs. The current study is of a sensitive nature and includes consideration of your satisfaction with your vulva. + +Participation in this survey should take approximately 60 minutes to complete. We ask that you complete the survey in one sitting. Please do not start the survey until you feel that you will be able to complete the session within the time allotted. This survey will be active until March 4, 2024. + +You will have the opportunity to win one of four $50 (CAD) gift cards. After you have submitted your responses to the survey, you will see a hotlink you must click in order to be entered into the draw. You must provide a means of contact (e.g., email) and complete a skill testing question in order to be entered. The information you provide cannot be connected back to you in any way; it is only used to enter you into the Amazon Canada gift card draw. + +To participate, you must be, you must be a cisgender woman of colour at least 18 years old; you must reside in North America; and must be able to read English at a grade 10 level. + +Survey link: [https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_9HPjqCV7jnzwwlM](https://ubc.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9HPjqCV7jnzwwlM)",,28,Itchy-Quote8048,1706300693.0 +Feminism,1abwt9l,What would you do about an otherwise-good mechanic who told tons of dirty jokes?,"I got my van worked on by a local mechanic. This was the only mechanic I could find in town that would do this repair. Time will tell if the repairs work ( radiator) but my beef is that the mechanic kept telling dirty jokes. Lots of references to how various animals have sex, how chickens only have one ""orfice"", how cats get pregnant by multiple males except the firts male - he just ""opens her up"" for next males, how he watched his kids be born & wife had to be ""stitched up,"" talked about a doctor friend who delivered a 9 year old child's baby and a 60 year old's, & he knew someone who had twins by 2 different men. + +He was a friendly person and a talker, so at first I chuckled, until it got old. My van was there for 3 days and on day 2 I vowed not to allow any more dirty jokes, and to demand a write up of his estimate. The first thing you said was, do you wanna hear a joke? And I said not if it's a dirty joke. The joke he proceeded to tell wasn't dirty. But then the conversation drifted and he started talking about the chicken, cats, and woman pregnant by two men. I told him I'd need confirmation from a scientist and he shouldn't be telling me that about a family member, ie digging my feet in. He said he didn't know the pregnant woman and didn't seem to understand that that was inappropriate to be talking aabout since I'd already brought up no more dirty jokes, and he kept talking. So I told him, "" that's enough"". In the course of the rest of the conversation he asked me some fairly personal questions like whether or not I had kids and how old I was. I didn't give an answer to the age question, starting to get the sense he was asking for reasons that might be inappropriate, Although in all fairness, I had asked him if his shop mechanics were his sons and he had told me about his family. So it could have been an innocent/conversational question, but combined with the sexual jokes, It just struck me as odd in that moment. ( I'm young enough to be his daughter.) This was when I was on my way out the door when my van was done. + +This place was worthy of a four or five star review otherwise -- showed me what was wrong, gave options instead of demanding a complete overhaul, didn't overcharge (I looked it up), His wife was nice and made me coffee. Nothing about it was bad except for the jokes. Meanwhile, he has lots of good reviews on Google with no mention of bad jokes. And I don't want to taint his shop reputation or create an enemy of the only shop that would fix my van. + +What would you do? I thought about calling and telling him or telling his wife it was offensive, or leaving a Google review. I just feel angry about it thinking about it more and want him and his wife to know that that was inappropriate, and that I can't help but wonder if he talked like that because i'm a younger woman. I don't want to let it slide because i've made a new year's resolution to stand up for myself in the nuances intead of just things that are really really bad.",,10,No_Celery9390,1706313139.0 +Feminism,1acgm5v,The Case For The Legend Of Korra,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3VCDB5iX2o,0,ClaireDacloush,1706378095.0 +Feminism,1ac0tp0,"So an idea came to me...what if, and hear me out. The tv show, movie franchise, video game, or anime that you were watching had all the characters gender-swapped. Would it be an improvement?",,https://i.redd.it/h9sz3bwpfwec1.png,5,ClaireDacloush,1706324813.0 +Feminism,1ac7s6y,I just got Twitter (not happy to be supporting Elon Musk but my sociology teacher recommended we get it) any recommendations of who to follow?,"Not just feminists but anyone left leaning. I'm also interested in accounts regarding class, racism and LGBTQA+ rights",,1,HiMaintainceMachine,1706350478.0 +Feminism,19fnuum,Sixty-one women in Iran prison begin hunger strike after Amini protester executed,,https://www.thenationalnews.com/mena/iran/2024/01/25/sixty-one-women-in-iran-prison-begin-hunger-strike-after-amini-protester-executed/,286,SabziPoloBaMahee,1706227451.0 +Feminism,19fnn6e,I hate being underestimated,"I work in a very male oriented workplace. I am working towards my masters in Mechanical Engineering, at a prestigious university. I take place in out of school clubs, I work on cars, I’m working towards a high 2:1 or maybe a 1st. I know what I’m on about. + +Today, I was told to take some measurements on an online platform for a certain project. The files where a mess and I could not find the part that needed to be measured. My supervisor came over to ask if everything was ok and this other guy (naming him L) who I’ve had problems with before, jumped at the opportunity to snatch my laptop away and say “I’m helping her!” (He had not offered to help me in any way before the supervisor came around, nor did he ask if I wanted help). Normally I’m fine with this, but from him it annoyed me straight away. I let him show me where the file was and tried to carry on with my work. He then starts to mansplain horrifically about how to do my job. + + +I have been a part of this project for 2 years more than him, I am 2 years older than him and I am 2 years ahead of him in his degree (and I’m doing better than him). I had to say to him “I know how to do this job, I’ve been a part of this for 2 years”, which caused him to say “well done! You did it all by yourself!” When I had completed the task. + +Similar things have happened during my degree and I’m fed up with it. This man is two years younger than me!! How is this acceptable! I have many other rants about other things that he does but this hasn’t really got on my nerves.",,143,Ok_Occasion_7865,1706226884.0 +Feminism,19f9fiu,AI porn of taylor swift has 22M views on twitter,"Men are horrific sometimes I'll say. Especially with how vocal they are about their indifference or outright hatred for Taylor swift to begin with, they all seem to band together to get in some cheap shots. + +I don't listen to her music, it's not for me, but the weird amount of hate she gets is saddening. + +This whole thing also brings to mind how men are able to hate and despise women with their whole being and STILL want to objectify and have sex with them. They hate how we talk, how we act, how we behave with our friends, they hate when we take selfies (seriously, the amount of hatred women get for taking selfies is so pathetic). They hate [vocal fry](https://youtu.be/WDfJn1kcQuU?si=XjrEzNVxWpCBVdTZ) look at this video's comments. They baffle me every time. + +But men's hatred of women isn't enough for them to want to have sex with us. They hate everything about us until they can have sex with us. That's something that's always disturbed me.",,945,RadcliffeMalice,1706189599.0 +Feminism,19fmrgy,What Miscarriage Is Like in Texas...,,https://www.newsweek.com/i-miscarried-texas-doctors-abortion-law-1861677,115,AlysonBurgers,1706224500.0 +Feminism,19fi9hr,"Hello! This is a feminist history story I, and the unwilling participant in my inbox, wrote.","Ornery History: 19th Century Women and Their (censored) Minds +𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺, 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦. + +I’m using the term insane asylum to stay historically accurate. Now we would call this a psychiatric hospital and thankfully due to feminists and human rights activists, they operate a bit differently. + +Steven, for all his claims of knowing what type of men are on my page, didn’t seem to understand that my bit is not to find a date, but to teach the most unwilling of students. + +(Hey Reddit! Although it isn’t quite as clear on this platform, my intention with these stories is to teach important history in an entertaining way. I do love if the man learns, but my focus is truly on everyone else who then reads these on my social medias.)",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/19fi9hr,74,Lets_Not_Date,1706212741.0 +Feminism,19fnot6,What is the solution to explorative sex work in a capitalist/post colonial world? Is non-exploitative sex work even possible?,"I wanted to start a discussion about sex work and legality because it's a topic I've been thinking a lot about lately. I support sex work being legal because if it's illegal it just punishes disadvantaged women, but lately I've been wavering on that stance as I've had two experiences that have affected me. + +The first was visiting Amsterdam in the summer and stopping by the redlight district, which was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life. I've attended burlesque shows, I've gone to sex parties, I'm no prude, and I thought the redlight district would have the same fun sexually liberated feeling as those events. It did not, me and my partner felt like we were human meat market, and by the time we made it out of there we felt ill. Not only did the girls (because it was mostly women) look uninterested, some of them looked straight up sad. We also noticed that many (most?) of the girls were not European, or else were from Ukraine, it added a strange racial element to this human meat market that made it even more sickening as most of the would-be customers were Western European or North American. We heard one girl's accent and were pretty sure she was from my partner's country (Colombia), which made us feel especially sad and uncomfortable as it was clear her potential customers were exotifying her. + +The other experience I have is related to how people have been reacting to a news article that's been going around. I live in Colombia and there is a lot of very exploitative sex tourism here (prostitution is legal here), and recently there have been a string of robberies, where women will go on dates with foreign men, drug them and rob them. People have been talking about what a shame this is, those poor men etc. However, I have a hard time feeling sympathy for these men because frankly I view these robbery victims as ""would be exploiters"" who themselves ended up being exploited. I don't know if that's fair or not, but it's how I feel because many of these foreign men come here specifically to ""find a Colombian woman"" even if they are not participating in prostitution, and treat Colombian women like they are a commodity. Of course part of the reason they treat Colombian women like a commodity is because prostitution is legal, which creates this strange neo-colonial relationship. + +**TLDR: I've been thinking a lot about the intersection of sex work, the commodification of people, and colonialism, and I'm having a harder time feeling like sex work should be legal, however making it illegal just pushes it underground, so what is the solution here?**",,24,Pure-Egg3160,1706227002.0 +Feminism,19figp7,"Report: Over 26,000 Rape Related Pregnancies in Texas Since the Abortion Ban Started",,https://medium.com/@chrisjeffrieshomelessromantic/report-over-26-000-rape-related-pregnancies-in-texas-since-the-abortion-ban-started-5dab8fa6f571,35,thehomelessr0mantic,1706213230.0 +Feminism,19fmegc,Korra’s Beautiful Story of Maturity,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4z5f88qKLY,12,ClaireDacloush,1706223554.0 +Feminism,19f22v1,American nightmare,"I haven't seen anyone talk about the American Nightmare documentary here and I'm kind of shocked about that. This documentary is prime shining example of misogyny. + +Matt was BEGGING to be caught and could have been A MILLION times but the male cops talked women out of reporting, told the women they were lying, or simply didn't do anything about it in every instance. And there were so many instances. + +The ONLY REASON these two weren't charged for crimes after being assaulted is because of one woman cop. + +I would like to think if I were a cop and I didn't believe a single word coming from this couple, that I would still do the minimum needed to investigate what they said. Tracing the cell was a minimum effort move and it could have prevented her second rape. But they found it easier to go on TV and say she owed the community an apology. + +Id love to hear your thoughts on this from a feminism standpoint.",,89,lurkernomore99,1706160907.0 +Feminism,19er4jl,"Since Roe fell, rape has led to an estimated 58,979 pregnancies in states that ban abortion without exception for rape, a new study has found.",,https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2814274,387,chronic-venting,1706129953.0 +Feminism,19etgjg,At what point does it become sexual harassment?,"I (32f) work at a bar, today a 70-something year old “good ‘ole boy” farmer came in. When he was leaving, he asked me if I had a husband or boyfriend. When I asked why, his reply was “because a girl with green hair has always been on my bucket list”. + +I do have green hair. I do work at a punky dive bar in a rural area. I often have to deflect weird comments, usually with a feisty quick witted response. + +Why do men think it’s okay to harass bartenders when they can’t escape them? We’re paid to stand behind the bar and smile! + +Thankfully I have an amazing boss and I’m welcome to tell anyone to get the fuck out with full support, but I shouldn’t have to. + +I deal with those types of men often but this encounter really got to me.",,236,trixieroyale,1706135685.0 +Feminism,19erm8f,"A recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association has estimated a staggering 26,313 rape-related pregnancies in Texas within 16 months following the state’s enactment of a total abortion ban.",,https://theintellectualist.com/texas-rape-related-pregnancies-abortion-ban-study/,263,Intellectualist_,1706131146.0 +Feminism,19ep7t4,"Stanley cups, backlash to women-centered trends, and glorified hyperconsumerism",,https://open.substack.com/pub/reclaimingthenewsletter/p/two-girls-one-stanley-cup?r=s2bqk&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcome=true,181,Careless_One6439,1706125287.0 +Feminism,19etnx9,How many women artists can the average person name?,"Hey all! I’m working on a project about women artists throughout history, and I was wondering how many the average person (meaning a person who didn’t go to art school/works as a professional artist) can name. If you’re interested please send me a list of all the women artists (painters, sculptors, printmakers, performance artists, etc) you can name off the top of your head!",,54,StitchyBitch93,1706136207.0 +Feminism,19f6hr4,Memoir recommendations,"Hello. + +I want to read memoirs from a lot of women. However, I find out that my library only has memoirs of white women: Lady Diana, Britney Spears, etc... + +I want to read memoirs and biographies of notable women of color from all around the word, however i have a hard time finding them. I want to read about Frida Kahlo, Harriet Tubman, Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, Dorothy Vaughan, Queen Mother Yaa Asanteewaa, Enheduanna, Lozen, Maitreyi but that's all the woc in history that I know. Yeah, not a lot, that's why I want to know more. + +I want to know more about non white women in history (even contemporary history!). Women from the Middle East / Asia / Oceania or BIPOC women or Caucasian women (and by caucasian i mean coming from the Caucasus geographic region, NOT white/western/european). Especially those who were scientists or artists or activists. + +&#x200B;",,6,EmergencyPause1,1706179187.0 +Feminism,19exn0m,The UK Parliament has set up an inquiry into birth trauma,"Anybody living in the UK can potentially submit a word doc about their experience(s) with birth trauma. I hope that plenty of people make submissions because this country is still a horrific mess to give birth in, even if there are worse out there (a low bar!) If you’re a Brit who is affected by this issue consider giving this a look.",https://www.theo-clarke.org.uk/birth-trauma,16,Impressive-Kale-9084,1706146895.0 +Feminism,1abh2hc,Why Feminists Should Embrace Veganism,,https://palanajana.substack.com/p/why-feminists-should-embrace-veganism-6e57416cf799,0,Somewhere74,1706271605.0 +Feminism,19evlzn,"Here’s a fun story for you, courtesy of my small hometown (TW: drugs, coercion)",,https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdva/pr/charlottesville-man-arrested-operating-east-coast-prostitution-ring,15,2012amica2,1706141189.0 +Feminism,19e7eqg,Even Ryan Gosling has his grievances with how Barbie has been treated by Hollywood,,https://i.redd.it/6edqaagt2bec1.png,517,ClaireDacloush,1706066719.0 +Feminism,19eo39p,Margot deserved a nomination.,"First of all, I don’t say this to discredit the women who WERE nominated, I am sure they’re all very deserving of their recognition and I applaud them. But I’m so sick of people saying Margot Robbie didn’t perform well enough to be nominated, as if she wasn’t snubbed on purpose by the Academy to make a point. Men in the entertainment industry are doing everything they can to make sure Barbie is not recognized as a “serious” film or character. You can’t give the Oscar to “a doll with big boobies,” after all! /s + +Margot’s performance is being brushed off as silly, unserious, sub-par, despite being the main reason the film was so successful in any capacity. That IS Barbie’s story. That’s the story of the film. Everyone was thrilled to go on and on about Margot when it first came out, but lo and behold, now that it’s no longer the shiny glittery cash cow it was at first, who cares if she gets her recognition? “Barbie wasn’t even that good, anyway… “ well, you all certainly weren’t saying that when you walked out of the theatre with tears streaming down your faces. + +I think a lot of people are simply mad their favorite didn’t get picked, and that’s valid. But to claim that anyone upset about it is just a bitter white feminist is bullshit. It was a well-liked, successful, thought provoking movie. This isn’t just Marvel fans mad that a mid movie didn’t get every nom possible. It’s the fact that this movie was nearly universally praised at release but now it’s becoming uncool, even anti-feminist, to think it was a good or effective film. The only criticisms I’ve seen from most of these people are saying “I knew this level feminism in middle school,” which is just depressing to me. Imagine being so privileged that you think what is obvious to you is obvious to everyone else. I too learned about a lot of the movie’s message as a young teen, and I still learned something. It still moved me. And it opened the eyes of a lot of men, and older women like my grandmother. The message needed to be simple in order for people to think more deeply about the fundamentals of their understanding, without feeling like they were sitting through a university gender studies lecture. + +The problem is, while Oppenheimer was a “shoe-in” before it was even released, while Barbie has been a topic for debate even though it financially surpassed the success of Oppy. I’m irritated that Opp was basically guaranteed a nom before it was even seen, but Barbie is being written off as some silly girl power cash grab. Yes, Mattel was involved. Yes the movie was Ken-centric. How tf do you think they got a bunch of male executives to help fund the film? I just don’t get how women are somehow being blamed for being upset that men yet again are rewarded for the bare minimum while women do all the work and are later brushed off as inadequate.",,28,Technical-Hyena420,1706122580.0 +Feminism,19e099c,I watched The Notebook again in 2024 and I’m in shock,"I’m in utter disbelief of what I’ve watched. In the first 10 minutes this random guy jumps on top of Allie to ask her out, and as he won’t take 10 no’s for an answer basically threathens to commit suicide in front of her in order to persuade this girl into going on a date with him. After this literally traumatising experience, he randomly finds her on the street like a god damn stalker and asks her another 5 times to please, oh please go out with him. + +How the hell was this such a succesful romantic movie in 2004? By these standards, “You” is a series about true love. The parallels between these two are gripping, and how differently they’ve been viewed with release dates just 14 years apart is beyond provoking. + +No wonder all the “good boys” won’t take no for an answer when this BS was considered romantic.",,843,plssolvemyproblems,1706047075.0 +Feminism,19ecp59,"Calling male gametes ""seed"" and female gametes ""eggs"" is a patriarchal leftover from the times where men were considered to be the source of life and women just passive incubators.","From at least Aristoteles and likely far earlier, men were considered the full humans and the source of human life and soul, bearing the active ""seed"" which they would implant into a passive vessel called a woman for her to incubate it. The ""seed"" would then grow into a child which would be considered the descendant and creation of the man as the primary parent. Even in the modern time, male gametes are semijokingly called ""kids/children"" and there is still this underlying assumption that men are the ones who ""put babies inside women"". Women are never pregnant with their children, but with some man's. + +After looking into this a bit more, I have concluded this was bollocks (pun intended). Male gametes would more appropiately be compared to muck, or any fertiliser used to merely kickstart the whole process without any further input. Female gametes, on the othe hand, should be called seeds, since they are already within our mothers at their formation in the womb and do not come and go like the easily-replaced male gametes, grow and develop into a full organism through the nourishment the womb and the mother give it, just like the seed in the earth and sprout into full organism just like a flower might. Plus, a mother is always certain and plays an incomparably larger role in the childrearing than fathers. Why then should the father take all the credit? Why should fathers be considered our source when they only do an act of minimal investment and our mothers do so much more? Humanity should be matrilineal, not patrilineal. We are the seed of our mothers, not our fathers.",,76,[deleted],1706086099.0 +Feminism,19epd33,contemporary feminist thinkers,"Hello, could u recommend some of ur fav feminist thinkers? thx in advance :)",,8,naughtyegirl666,1706125649.0 +Feminism,19epkgs,The Disappearance of Shere Hite (documentary),"This looks so interesting I just wanted to share. + +trailer: [https://youtu.be/Y6ZbAzd77aA?si=EOM7YrrZ8b1Mfnbf](https://youtu.be/Y6ZbAzd77aA?si=EOM7YrrZ8b1Mfnbf) + +[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Disappearance\_of\_Shere\_Hite](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Disappearance_of_Shere_Hite) + +&#x200B;",,5,nina-m0,1706126140.0 +Feminism,19e72yj,"Ban 'parental alienation' arguments in family law cases, feminist coalition urges federal government",,https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/ban-parental-alienation-arguments-in-family-law-cases-feminist-coalition-urges-federal-government-1.6738592?__vfz=medium%3Dsharebar,86,Brookeofthenorth,1706065738.0 +Feminism,19e4gze,The cycle of political fertility abuse,"In regions where abortion and birth control are difficult to access or socially disparaged, women are more likely to become pregnant. Pregnancy begins at earlier ages and individuals have more children during their lives, meaning that the labor of parenting pre-school-aged children takes up a greater number of years. + +This interferes with the educational, career and social opportunities of people who can become pregnant. Parenthood costs a lot of money, takes a lot of time, and reduces a person's geographic mobility as couch-surfing, homelessness and shelters are much less practical options for people who have babies and toddlers. + +All of this adds up to a situation where women are predominantly dependent on men for economic survival for long periods of their lives with few alternatives. We talk about the hypocrisy of conservatives who oppose abortion yet also refuse to fund material assistance for children, but the reality is these policies are consistent with the strategy of politically disenfranchising women. Making women dependent on men creates a situation where women locate their interests in the power and approval of boyfriends, husbands and fathers, which in turn creates more voters for policies that reduce bodily and political autonomy for women. + +Reproductive justice is a political battleground intersecting with many other social justice causes and a major bulwark against fascism, and that's why fascists want to do away with it.",,71,Sad_Abbreviations318,1706058208.0 +Feminism,19dt8zh,OBGYNs in abortion-ban states say they cannot provide the necessary medical care to pregnant women in abortion-ban states and are forced to watch them suffer.,"""One participant said, “You have somebody hemorrhaging with an intrauterine pregnancy with a heartbeat…I \[didn’t yet\] have legal coverage for that, but there’s only so many times you can transfuse somebody and they’re begging for their life before you say, ‘This is unconscionable.’” + +OBGYNs say they are suffering from depression, moral distress, anxiety, and fear of losing everything if they even talk to a patient about ending the pregnancy that is causing her to suffer and may kill her. Here's the JAMA study: + +[https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2814017#:\~:text=Findings%20In%20this%20qualitative%20study,and%20planned%20or%20actual%20attrition](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2814017#:~:text=Findings%20In%20this%20qualitative%20study,and%20planned%20or%20actual%20attrition).",,269,Entire-Ad2551,1706029604.0 +Feminism,19dsq1v,'Barbie' Fans Fume As Margot Robbie And Greta Gerwig Miss Out On Oscars Nominations For Hit Movie,,https://vt.co/entertainment/film-tv/barbiemargot-robbie-greta-gerwig-oscars-nominations-snub,205,VT-Guide,1706028284.0 +Feminism,19dubgx,"Intimate partner violence is a precursor to homelessness, study finds — A statewide survey found that 1 in 5 unhoused women had lost their housing due to violence by an intimate partner. Many were victimized again while homeless.",,https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2024-01-23/one-in-five-homeless-women-have-experienced-violence-by-an-intimate-partner,147,Randomlynumbered,1706032462.0 +Feminism,19drsgw,Sexism in everyday products design," +Hello. I am an industrial design student in my second year. I am currently thinking about my research thesis topic for my next and final year. I am interested in sexism in the design of products. I was thinking about writing the essay and focusing on women's perspective since I thought we all have been disappointed in the past by products both women and men. However I am starting to change my mind again since my professors and fellow students have been very explicit on why sexism is a no no and I have to include all sexes and genders because the essay is going to be mostly judged by men (professors or potential employers). I know for a fact that depending on the field the research on women can be disappointing to non existing and I am not afraid to piss men neither as professors or employees for that matter (before I picked industrial design I was even discouraged by a professor because the industry asks for men and mistreats women. And I was very clear about not caring about the industry and only caring about what I want to study just for the sake of studying). Do you have any interesting ideas when it comes to products, research done or books relative to this specific matter if pick it as a thesis topic?",,163,DistractedCraftress,1706025931.0 +Feminism,19dtdgm,Mary of Magdala was the first and truest radical “feminist” of the world and should be talked about more often. (This is not a political perspective but a logical one),"She defied the status quo of the time era of Jesus. Women were often sold off, owned as property, and unethically controlled by men. Being one of Jesus’s disciples, and most likely his right hand (wo)man- completely paved new roads for women. The fact that she and other women were noted to be there during his crucifixion, burial, and also his resurrection is *such* an important & significant part of the Bible. She was really the one that fully understood the gospels that Jesus taught and stayed by his side when no other did. It was unheard of for women to testify in that age let alone have any credibility to their words, and the fact that she was a witness to the resurrection and instructed by God to go before the other disciples and proclaim her sightings brought about a new chapter for women and their divine & righteous place in the world. This alone challenged the patriarchal norms of those days, breaking the barriers of gender inequality. + +It was only until the 6th century that pope Gregory the Great authoritatively proclaimed that she was a prostitute, although this is no where to be found in scripture. It matters that we clarify that Mary of Magdala was an exceptionally holy figure in the Bible stories, and should actually be spoken about more often- especially for young women as someone to look up to. It’s important to accurately depict Mary of Magdala as a trusted disciple, feminist trail blazer, and to not downplay her influence.",,85,theheartthinks,1706030047.0 +Feminism,19dbcjn,Ew,,https://i.redd.it/t0xemxd353ec1.jpeg,1169,Sad-Personality-15,1705970137.0 +Feminism,19dr2hi,What are your favorite female-centric films of the past few years?,"Hollywood has been putting out a lot more female-centric films beyond for the past few years. Which have been some of your favorites? + +Some of mine have been, in no particular order: + +ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET. + +A beautiful and honest coming of age story that seamlessly includes honest questions to God with everything else. My favorite film last year. + +THE FLORIDA PROJECT + +A child's perspective of a toxic environment that forces us to wrestle with the complexities of poverty. One of my all-time favorites and one of the most heartbreaking endings ever. + +INVISIBLE MAN + +A brilliantly scary horror film that seamlessly deals with its themes of domestic violence. + +EMMA + +One of the few Jane Austen adaptations to be worthy of--and at times elevate--the material. + +BODIES BODIES BODIES + +My favorite movie of 2022. Maybe the best satire of the flimsy foundations of virtue in the modern world. + +PRICILLA + +Maybe my favorite Sofia Coppola film. Subtle yet devastating film about being taken in by a toxic partner and then gaining the strength to leave them.",,55,TheOtherHolmesBro,1706024070.0 +Feminism,19ddcwa,I'm sick of other men,"My sweetheart and I kitty isn't doing so hot, we asked our snaps for money since we're so short on it (not proud of begging). We've been scared for our baby and this little pos responded to her, in the couple of minutes of hope we received just diminished instantly. I made this account just to shit on him, I'm beyond angry and on the brink of tears.",https://i.redd.it/3wbnrzhbm3ec1.png,391,Scared_Scarcity1416,1705975930.0 +Feminism,19d3127,Women in Gaza having c-sections without painkillers as girls use tent scraps for period products,,https://news.sky.com/story/women-and-girls-in-gaza-using-scraps-of-tent-material-in-place-of-period-products-13053083,366,sheeshing123,1705949324.0 +Feminism,19d62sn,"Taliban restricting unmarried women’s access to work and travel, UN report says",,https://www.rawstory.com/taliban-restricting-unmarried-womens-access-to-work-and-travel-un-report-says/,232,BurtonDesque,1705956909.0 +Feminism,19d7uut,History is the struggle against male aggression,"There are almost no spices on this planet in which males exert levels of control over females that are even remotely comparable to homo sapiens. Throughout all of agricultural history the amount of power men have held over women is beyond inconceivable and in many ways unprecedented amongst primates. While violence by males is common among primates like chimpanzee and mountain gorillas with the intent of securing mating opportunities, levels of aggression from human males surpasses this by orders of magnitude. After reading a paper about patriarchy in other primates I am left speechless by the realisation that nothing comes close to males control over females sexuality than in humans. Not even remotely. The situation gets exacerbated by the use of language to spread an ideology of male dominance amongst all members of the species. Whether it be men hijacking language to co-ordinate misogyny, cultural dress codes designed to limit the movement of women, morality used to justify male aggression or religious and spiritual practices that uphold a patriarchy, all the way to literal mutilation of woman's body parts, every aspect of agricultural society revolves around male aggression. Even prior to the first farming practices when we still lived as hunter gatherers there is a strong body of evidence that suggests that the majority of aggression was enacted by men in the pursuit over who gets to control which woman. It is hard to comprehend the magnitude of the male institution that has controlled all of our lives since before the dawn of humanity. + +I'd like to end by noting that ""homo sapiens"" and thereby the name of our entire species is latin for ""wise man"" or ""wise human"" though humans are neither wise nor remotely humane. Therefore I propose to rename ""homo sapiens"" to ""homo misogynis"" since I believe it more accurately reflects the truely oppressive nature of half the members of our species towards the other.",,131,AresThePacifist_,1705961161.0 +Feminism,19dcdnt,What are some radical feminist books that are explicitly trans-inclusive?,"I'm trans and I've been getting into radical feminist literature, but it's weird to read some like Germaine Greer who disagrees with my existence ([and also wrote paedophile apologia? I think? please correct me if I'm misunderstanding this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beautiful_Boy)). Her work from the 70s was amazing, and definitely valuable to feminism, but knowing what she believes now kind of took away some value, like it wasn't ""for me"" as a transgender person. + +Do you have any recommendations of radical feminist writers that support transgender women? I don't feel welcome in a lot of radfem spaces for my identity, but I also don't feel welcome in a lot of mainstream/libfem spaces for my more radical views on gender.",,34,ThingOfPast,1705973063.0 +Feminism,19d1lyp,Punished for complaining about sexual advances at work place,"I am so pissed off and despondent right now. + +20 days ago, a girl(calling her S) nd I went to complaints committee to complain about her direct boss, who's the boss of my boss, about unwanted sexual advances made by him towards us. He has been transferred to this branch only 6 months ago. And he already harassed many women. Initially I was hesitant to complain because I only had to face him occasionally while S was newly recruited and works directly under him. She has been facing a lot more harassment. In the end, with the encouragement from some colleagues, we informed the complaints committee. While they were pretty responsive and sympathetic, they encouraged us to get proofs like recordings. Creeps like that guy are very intelligent and make sure they don't get caught so with great difficulty, S recorded some of his comments to her. They took some 15 days after we gave them the recording to transfer us to other sections. They wanted to transfer him initially but asked us to officially give written complaint and go through investigation(where we have to face him) which both of us are not ok with. This last Friday, they transferred us. I got assigned to a section which has a lot of work pressure and a little bit farther than the main office building while she was assigned to a similar(in terms of work pressure) section in the main building. All the while earning the same pay. + +Now all of my friends think I'm punished and my boss, who was on leave for the last month and joined today, said they would never take complaints against senior officials seriously and so they gave punishment to us instead. + +To be clear, I come from a South Asian country so there's no hope of going to police Or court. Also I can't change jobs. Not to mention, the guy won't lose his job even if we launch an official complaint. Atmost he would be transferred to a far away location. + +I can't help feeling so hopeless and desolate. I wish I was born a man instead.",,95,Freedomfirefly,1705945874.0 +Feminism,19dibcm,"""Milfs-Often the villain?"" a discussion by TallSwordLady complaining about the portrayal of female villains in cartoons",,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5liYyY6QqFo,6,ClaireDacloush,1705992413.0 +Feminism,19cxbzm,Dealing with sense of disappointment and anger due to living in an unequal society?,How do you deal with constant pent-up anger and sense of disappointment when you realize that society is unequal and unjust? ,,131,Quirky_Person441,1705935079.0 +Feminism,19cfd90,So sick of reading stories like this.,,https://i.redd.it/b0skulduotdc1.png,923,traumatisedpotato,1705875062.0 +Feminism,19d2u4n,Study on Abortion (In)Experiences Post-Roe v. Wade Overruling,"&#x200B; + +https://preview.redd.it/7u22k6xmd1ec1.png?width=468&format=png&auto=webp&s=76c4df2a352cbfbdec012bb3f99cbc5f0a4857dd",,14,lbwatson81,1705948832.0 +Feminism,19ctnjm,Medics told not to report illegal abortions to police,,https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-68036171,45,Jojuj,1705923349.0 +Feminism,19d23ar,Autism in Women Article,[https://www.sciencealert.com/new-evidence-highlights-a-serious-flaw-in-our-perception-of-autism?utm\_source=ScienceAlert+-+Daily+Email+Updates&utm\_campaign=b4c83ef397-RSS\_EMAIL\_CAMPAIGN&utm\_medium=email&utm\_term=0\_fe5632fb09-b4c83ef397-365914917](https://www.sciencealert.com/new-evidence-highlights-a-serious-flaw-in-our-perception-of-autism?utm_source=ScienceAlert+-+Daily+Email+Updates&utm_campaign=b4c83ef397-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_fe5632fb09-b4c83ef397-365914917),,12,RudeBlueJeans,1705947050.0 +Feminism,19cecbx,What's one thing you said on the internet that made misogynists mad?,"It seems like all I've ever had to say was how I think misogyny is bad, or talk about a negative experience I've had with a dude, which usually prompts them to rush to defend said dude as if they're defense attorneys that personally know him, while blaming me in the process. + +I also made a satire post to a satire subreddit about how I felt like all the boys in the world ignore/avoid me because I'm too beautiful and they think I'm out of their league, and how the more I try to make myself less beautiful it seems to make me even more beautiful so they run even more. It was meant to be a self deprecating joke, because obviously that's not the reason men don't approach me but I got like 5 different dudes in the comments saying ""Maybe it's your ugly personality!1!!1"" not realizing that they are literally in a subreddit meant for satire. It's weird how these kinds of people foam at the mouth whenever women have any sort of confidence. + +Also this is slightly unrelated, but I've noticed a difference in how certain women are treated when they say something a raging misogynist doesn't like on the internet. If you're conventionally attractive, you get written off as a dumb whore, people make really gross assumptions about your sex life/body count, those dudes will try to ""humble them"", or they get rape threats. If you're an average looking woman, they will basically tell you you're ""mid/not special"" or they will find one little flaw about your appearance and magnify it to the extreme. And if you're not conventionally attractive and/or overweight? God help you. Oh yeah, and don't forget the good ol' ""Women ☕""",,299,NQ757893N,1705872545.0 +Feminism,19cimx7,Are things getting worse?,"I grew up in the 1990s, and while a lot of media and culture from that era is transparently repugnant looking back, it felt like things were moving forward in a way that was virtually guaranteed to continue. + +Cut to 2024 and things that even the most mainstream feminism of the 90s took for granted seem to be in reverse. Pornography is endemic now and yet seems to become ever more violent and misogynistic, prostitution is increasingly whitewashed and criticism of it is shut down (not to mention things like OnlyFans becoming so popular and widespread that men now feel it acceptable to ask random women if they have accounts), the rise of transparently bigoted, authoritarian and violent ""manosphere"" type figures seems to be inexorable. Even sexual violence among children (committed by boys against girls) is now on the rise, according to UK statistics, and just about everyone I know has suffered more incidents in the past few years than they have when times were theoretically even worse in the 2000s. + +The one and only plus side seems to be that media is improving, and you can find more varied and complex female characters and women-focused stories than ever before, in works increasingly written/directed/developed by women. + +I'll be honest, I've been having an absolutely horrible time with my mental health for about a week now, and it's largely due to being triggered by about four different sexual violence related things I was unlucky enough to see on the same day. I've been crying a lot and still haven't recovered yet, and my doom-laden thoughts over this period have gotten me interested in having this discussion. I'd absolutely love people to tell me I'm wrong about things going backwards, obviously, but what do you think is the truth?",,112,Limp_Construction351,1705883788.0 +Feminism,19cbs0h,Dr. Geoff Lindsey Argues Aversion to Vocal Fry is Often Actually Misogyny,"In this fascinating [linguistics video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0yL2GezneU), Dr. Geoff Lindsey proposes that people who claim they hate vocal fry actually only hate vocal fry in women not because of the sound but because they interpret it as women acting like they know more or are blasé. I think he's right, and he uses studies and video/audio clips to support his argument while disputing studies he believes have flawed methods or sample groups. (Again, I think he's right.) + +I am happy to see a linguist calling out sexism using science!",,268,DerpyMcDerpelI,1705866164.0 +Feminism,19crmnr,Feminist movie recs?,Preferably stuff from the 70s. Also interested in old school queer cinema. I just watched a Roman Polanski flick and I need to cleanse my soul.,,19,reallytastyeggs,1705914772.0 +Feminism,19czlyp,To what extent do you think this regulation impacts equality of rights for women (if at all)?,,https://v.redd.it/2t7nwqgn3udc1,4,girl_world,1705941023.0 +Feminism,19c2s0w,I've been biting my tongue from the second I was born and maybe that has made me this bitter.,,https://i.redd.it/c3ly6pfnisdc1.png,623,lilmissnobodysays,1705841523.0 +Feminism,19c7fk7,I miscarried in Texas. My doctors put abortion law first,,https://www.newsweek.com/i-miscarried-texas-doctors-abortion-law-1861677,213,audiomuse1,1705855267.0 +Feminism,19c3985,Kyte Baby controversy: Outrage after worker denied remote request while her baby was in the NICU,"This folks is what internalized misogyny looks like + +This CEO is not a woman that values other women.",https://www.today.com/parents/moms/kyte-baby-controversy-rcna134735?utm_campaign=trueAnthem_manual&utm_medium=trueAnthem&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwAR1kMshPZS5u32Qgi9ky8hoMFbFMOPyJelfF98qVp7aJtJ2yxxfClxalcFg_aem_AVNz3GZRjB38SupNlhQkqsUlXLUD-CSvsdCGtDQVKEKYzdM7TJsfOfmEr8xLh-CDQoA,361,cannotberushed-,1705843181.0 +Feminism,19cjyw7,My mother and grandmother’s story,"Ok, my grandmother and mother told me stories about their life. My grandmother’s father died when she was very young, and for some reason her mother could not make more money without the father. Now My grandmother was beaten and treated badly by her mother and older sister. Well my grandmother was considered very beautiful, she still is to me, but This older guy, who was years older then her (and probably shouldn’t have been hitting on her in the first place) told her he would not pay for her education unless she married him. My grandmother was forced to, and she wasn’t able to continue her education, she had to stay with this man and bear his children because her mother my great grandmother forced her to stay with him. My grandmother who was In the Catholic Philippines had to deal with my possessive Grandfather. Because older man, pretty girl. It’s not a good combination. My grandmother tried to kill her self many times. She finally got away from him because she cheated on him. The man she cheated with wasn’t a good man. My grandmother left him soon. My mother was born, and told she would be a prostitute by men older than her. She wasn’t protected by my grandmother because honestly Grandma’s life was horrible and she beat my mother constantly. She wouldn’t let her go to school. Mother had to sneak out for school and get beaten by her mother. Mother was able to graduate. Stories like this is why we need feminism. If to avoid this I would never be born, honestly I don’t care if I was never born if this didn’t happen. Stories like this is why we need feminism. Also you should know my mom and grandma love me and are loving, but they had hard lives due to the patriarchy. We need to stop the patriarchy to stop these stories from happening ever again.",,21,Charrise,1705887636.0 +Feminism,19c3ht9,Predatory sexual comments being allowed on fcking national TV,"Ik this is random af but i can’t get it off my mind cuz of how terrifying&disgusting the world we’re living in is. + +I’m from an Eastern European country and there was a really popular talent show that the entire country would watch.In the jury there were 4 famous singers, 3 men and one woman.A few days ago, i’ve found an old screen recording that i almost forgot i had in my phone of a really strange moment from this show. Basically, the contestant - a 14 yo girl, walks out the stage after singing, and one of the juries - a 37 yo man, says the following, unhinged&out loud : *“She is so charming.I obviously couldn’t tell her because she was 14, but she is sexy as fuck”*. I remember being 15 and hearing this on TV and being like what the actual fuck????? + + +What’s insane is that he could realize in his mind that it wouldn’t have been appropriate for him to say it directly to her, but not only did he feel comfortable saying it to the jury, or in a room w hundreds of ppl in the audience, but on national&maybe even international TV, so she most likely saw it too afterwards anyway. +If this is the shit that they dare to say out loud, imagine all the shit that is left unsaid, imagine what might actually be on their sick&twisted minds. Also, the fact that no one from the editing/production bat an eye says all that needs to be said. + + Mind you, i used to actually listen to this artist&watch his interviews and stuff and he actually seemed like he really had some depth to him. What i mean to say is, he seemed *normal* and mature, and like maybe even more intelligent than the average person/famous singer, and naive as i might’ve been, i honestly wouldn’t have expected it, which is exactly what makes it so *terrifying*. Oh, and he also has a daughter. + +I’ll say it and idgaf, misogyny, hypersexualization, etc. are all connected to pedophilia, and even the ones who seem like they don’t have it in them, somewhere, deep down, they do…",,104,Fit-Cry6925,1705843971.0 +Feminism,19bph3x,"Why getting married, if men are so bad?","I am a 37-year-old single woman. I had opportunity to date a few men that looked like potential life-time partners, but for one reason or another, it didn't work. Sometimes I feel sad realizing my age and how hard it is to form a family. + +But I can't help to notice how many men are abusive towards women. I am Brazilian working in the US as a waitress. The number of married men who approaches me makes me really scared. When I first move to the US, I was 28, but looked more like 20. Many men, old enough to my grandfather, approached me. I was sexually harassed multiple times at work, and even suffered 2 attempts of rape. + +Either way, I feel most of these men see me as inferior. As if they can do or say whatever they want without consequences, due to my race/status/looks. + +On the other hand, I happened to find out many men are also sexually attracted to children. I always suspected that. But the numbers are alarming: 5% of Americans are pedophiles. And at least 15% of American men confessed to be attracted to minors, admitting they would have sex with a person under 14 years old if there was no chance of being caught. + +I also noticed that many men feel threatened by their partners success. + +We were raised to believe marriage is a safe institution. But, getting older I realized... it's not! What men are even good for? How to find a safe partner? Should we abstain from the idea of a lifetime partner?",,374,Spirited_Top_5443,1705794289.0 +Feminism,19c0go8,Instagram Reels and Misogony?,"I'm probably not the first to notice this, but it has lead me to just delete instagram from my phone. + +Under literally every video where there is a bad driver, an accident, or just a woman in the comments making a suggestion, they get absolutely shat on. + +""Women ☕️"", every god damn time, even when the Video itself got nothing to do with a woman in any sort of way. + +It's not just the thing with car reels though, also in every reel containing a family or showing a dangerous job, the women get constantly put down. + +I am asking you, is this the result of one year with Andrew Tate and the Red pill community? I've never before witnessed so much hatred at once under every second reel.",,32,IronwoodIsBusted,1705832478.0 +Feminism,19c1lsl,Pregnant woman’s jail sentence quashed in ‘landmark’ UK ruling,https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/jan/19/pregnant-woman-jail-sentence-quashed-in-landmark-uk-ruling,,18,Background-Party6748,1705837128.0 +Feminism,19bi8z4,Ken is the main character of Barbie,"So I watched the Barbie movie reluctantly bc my 12 yr old daughter wanted to watch it. I didn't like it but I didn't even want to care enough to get mad about it. I recently listened to [this episode](https://open.spotify.com/episode/1cnjl5B0Aic6IP1rBAECgy?si=6d361fcd74674353) of Ordinary Unhappiness where the hosts discuss some major issues with Barbie. + +I thought it was super interesting and correct idea that Ken is the only one in the Barbie movie who is held up and allowed to have ""enough"" and here I am digging into the Barbie discourse six months later. + +I read some older thread where ppl were saying it's ok that Barbie dumbed down the feminism bc it helps pppl like it. I mean I had to really squint to see the feminism but I wasn't expecting some big woman-centered movie. It is a movie sponsored by a toy company and the purpose is to sell toys. + +I think a lot about the back-and-forth nature of feminism over the generations. Like for ex of course in the 70s women were getting divorced and demanding wages for housework and refusing to change their names or wear bras. And then in the 80s it was ""women can have it all,"" which meant working late while your kids fed themselves microwave dinners and coming home to iron your husband's shirts. And then 90s it was like take back the night, I'm wearing these XXXL MENS PANTS and my t shirt is a mock turtleneck because I am a person not a body. \[Also, we were terrified of AIDS.\] And then it was ""showing my body in a way that patriarchy says is sexy for likes= reclaiming the gaze, whee!"" + +(I mean, I am being flippant and also clearly I am Gen X and while I was very well versed in fem theory in the 90s I am not up to date on current feminist takes in the academy.) + +But, yet, in the movies the 80s gave us many amazing feminist icons. Like DAMN! look at those 80s movies grappling with the real shit. 9 to 5, Working Girl, The Accused. [Many more here.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:1980s_feminist_films) There is a lot of problematic content, *to be sure*! And the stories privilege certain kinds of white women. But the stories and character arcs were not dumbed down at all. It's embarrassing this meme-y jokey wink wink Girl Bossery (still with the super pretty blonde white lady, ""too pretty to be cast as Barbie"" yet of course cast at Barbie) is being branded ""feminism"" 30 years later. I wish we could have movies with our current feelings about intersectionality and the ways we *have* managed to evolve with the high mindedness we saw in the past.",,217,FreyaInVolkvang,1705775254.0 +Feminism,19bp39b,Need help with talking to my bf about patriarchy and how it affects women.,"I have never posted on reddit so like, please be humble if I miss any reddit etiquette. +Last night, my bf and I had this huge argument about patriarchy. I hate when I know I'm right, but my stupid brain freezes and I can come up with any talking points. All I did was ended up sounding like a fucking illiterate emotional dumb fuck. I hate myself for that. + +So this is what it boiled down to- +According to him, now, women and men are equally affected by patriarchy. I said no, the intensity of patriarchy affects women more than men. He argued that men have to go through body shame, has this whole ""alpha male"" expectations, has to be the bread earner etc. While I fully acknowledge and agree with him that patriarchy has made mens' like difficult, I don't agree the affect cuts as deep as it does for women. I tried to give him some weak examples, and he just said that what I'm saying is more emotional than logical. He would like to see evidence, statistics etc. +So.e of the examples we talked about is- +As a women, we have to cover ourselves or can't be freely roaming around on certain parts of cities cause of the fear of rape. He said, well, if we go out in public and you slap me, you won't get shit for it. But if the roles were reversed, I would get beaten up. Then I said that, most women are told that they have to stay home, be safe cause the world is a scary place for us. He said that if he doesn't live up to the expectations, he will be kicked out and freeze to death. + +I am... I don't know, I feel stupid. My short-term memory is just trash (major accident and childhood trauma). I felt so overwhelmed that I froze. He is a sensible guy, and I know if I show him evidence, he will accept it. But I am really bad at arguing or expressing myself; specially when I'm being told that I'm being emotional and sounding like a illiterate person (he didn't use those exact words; but that's the summary). +What can I say or do to have him see my point? +Please do not tell me to leave him. He is a good person, and he struggles to see other side cause he was never exposed. We come from S. Asian family. S. Asian families has a tendency to baby their sons. He got out of that- but he doesn't grasp the concept fully. Please use kind words when addressing him. +Ty.",,47,100percnt_dat_bitch,1705793245.0 +Feminism,19bdfp1,Feminism isn't new - only the language frameworks are: Medieval Feminisms,"Hi all - first time poster here but I wanted to share my recent SubStack piece here as I have a feeling many of you will absolutely ""pick up what I'm throwing down."" + +This piece explores the idea of women’s ‘prime’ years and the influence of the patriarchy upon our perception of women’s progression through life while also introducing you to a medieval matriarch, Eleanor of Aquitaine. + +[https://substack.com/home/post/p-140776364](https://substack.com/home/post/p-140776364) + +&#x200B; + +Quote grabbed from the essay -- + +&#x200B; + +> Only in a patriarchal society would women’s aging, or aging in general (an inevitable human condition), be viewed as a weakness, a vulnerability to be dealt with and exploited as opposed to a wealth of context to be tapped into and cared for. Our seniors lived experiences and progression through the final stages of life could better inform our understanding of the human condition, yet more often than not we place them into the margins or remove them from view all together.[2](https://substack.com/home/post/p-140776364#footnote-2-140776364) + +&#x200B;",,106,FreshCicada3890,1705762393.0 +Feminism,19b4q0x,this is why we need feminism part #538479,,https://i.redd.it/vfwhwmbcajdc1.jpeg,538,tera1551,1705729766.0 +Feminism,19ba7d9,"I'm a collage artist working with ""found materials"" that I get secondhand on Craigslist. From a set of educational flashcards that covered the suffragettes and a random wily octopus comes this, which I think I'm calling ""Squishing the Patriarchy"".",,https://i.redd.it/27ubykiy3ldc1.jpeg,132,itsmeitsme,1705751832.0 +Feminism,19bgqei,The Conservative Plan to Ban Abortion Without Congress. Anti-abortion advocates hope a Republican president will enforce a series of laws from the 1800s that will “result in the end of abortion in every single state in America.”,,https://www.notus.org/policy/the-conservative-plan-to-ban-abortion-without-congress,45,Professional_Suit270,1705771292.0 +Feminism,19bbd16,Stop calling girls (17-) as women (18+) online and in media.,"I hate seeing this language used in the media and news; Especially in rape and abuse cases; They try to downplay the severity of a girls abuse/sexual abuse by referring to her as an (adult) 'woman' - as if that means she's 'old enough/mature enough' to handle the abuse because she's 'grown'. + +Little girls are called 'women' to benefit and protect the male abuser - and by extension all (abusive) men; This to make the female child seem older and mature, and on-level, with their male adult attacker; Making the man look less harmful and perverse (and not like a pedophile), because the female child is as 'grown/mature' as the male abuser is. + +This is where the idea that 'girls mature faster than boys' is perpetuated in the most harmful way; It promotes the underlying idea that adult men are stuck in a child-like mindset to be 'naturally' attracted to young girls, despite being adult men - That these adult men have the mentality of a little boy who likes little girls, because they haven't matured mentally with their physical bodies; Again, putting these adult men on-level with little girls. + +Little girls are also called 'women' so as to make (abusive) men seem controlled and right in some nature; That these adult men only abuse grown women, and not young girls - that these men are at least 'good' for not attacking young girls. + +'Adult-ifying' young girls is done to make abusive men look good. + +CORRECT IT WHEN YOU SEE IT: GIRLS ARE NOT (grown) 'WOMEN' OR 'YOUNG WOMEN/LADIES' OR 'UNDERAGE WOMEN'- THEY ARE GIRLS. THEY ARE MINORS, THEY ARE CHILDREN. PROTECT THE GIRLS, NOT THE ABUSERS. + +Not to mention the males that interchange the words 'girl' with 'woman' and vise versa to downplay female issues and how things affect them; Like when they say things like 'men and girls' instead of men and women' to infantisize adult women and make men the superior/mature one. + +I think if we all came together and started to correct the words and dismissive language used by media and news outlets - Call them out and punish them; We would see more severe and harsh punishments for male abusers - and an attitude change in all men in general towards girls and women. + +Call out judges and attorneys for their light punishments (especially if they have a history of being light on male abusers). + +Call out judges, attorneys, journalists, news anchors, podcasts, creators, family and friends for their wording and dismissive language about girls and their abusers. + +Punishment for doing such: Call-out their wording and dismissive language, pull up the history of all male abuser sympathizers and don't stop, stop watching their shows, public protests - and spread it everywhere (because the news and media won't), down vote their posts, create hashtags for easy finding and post them everywhere (even on unrelated posts), get them voted out of office, make them resign, get their shows shut down, ect. + +&#x200B; + +Girls and women have to protect themselves when men won't.",,95,Purple_Unicorn_2349,1705755957.0 +Feminism,19b68nu,"Anyone else more agitated, more depressed, upset, and have less faith in humanity the more they use Reddit?","At first I came on for public freakout and to laugh. Then it just got all violent, just posts of people in fistfights, esp men jeering on and liking men that punch a women or beat her up videos...........so I went to other categories. Post a lot, but so much ignorance and hatred. People down voting and reporting you because their opinion differs from theirs. and the hate towards women and the support for it by others and mods. I don't even know why I log on here anymore. smh, It just leaves me angry and sad. Such a shame, we really need a platform all to ourselves",,171,True-Godesss,1705735456.0 +Feminism,19ajjnv,"""you will die alone with cats""",,https://i.redd.it/g30urqtcjedc1.jpeg,1782,Effective_Prior2564,1705672263.0 +Feminism,19b4gp4,This is what happens when you reject violent men,,https://apnews.com/article/fort-bend-texas-family-shooting-five-dead-72dd428e66b3ed7c44f7007b97858b39,97,-viasteph,1705728844.0 +Feminism,19bc4xr,South African case against genocide in the Gaza strip,Direct link to the 84 page South African application present in the article - it's detailed and well explained with references.,https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/dec/29/south-africa-accuses-israel-of-committing-genocide-in-gaza,16,Little-Platypus-8679,1705758460.0 +Feminism,19bb02j,Suggest a theme for our feminist art show,We're putting together an art show with local artists on women's day in Eastern Europe which is March 8 and would love some recommendations for a theme. Last year's theme was A room of one's own.,,10,Swimming-Item8891,1705754739.0 +Feminism,19arj8i,Evidence points to systematic use of rape and sexual violence by Hamas in 7 October attacks,,https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/jan/18/evidence-points-to-systematic-use-of-rape-by-hamas-in-7-october-attacks,184,Motor-Ad-2024,1705692792.0 +Feminism,19az33f,Matt Gaetz Confesses Republicans Don’t Really Need Women Voters Anyway,,https://newrepublic.com/post/178246/matt-gaetz-confesses-maga-republicans-dont-need-women-voters,38,rswoodr,1705712023.0 +Feminism,19b26wx,Social media red flags in a guy,"Is it a red flags, if a guy liking dan blazarien and following OF pages and inappropriate models? What's your thoughts about these types of guys",,20,your_earth_75,1705721243.0 +Feminism,19ajjpl,It’s 2022 and People Are Still Confused That My Kids Have Their Mother’s Last Name,,https://time.com/6143476/baby-with-mothers-last-name/,136,SophiaofPrussia,1705672265.0 +Feminism,19a8s8x,Imagine carrying a baby for 9 months just to give your child your husband's last name,"I'm American and one thing that upsets me the most is how normal it is in this country for women to change their last names and for their children to have their husband's last names. I also hate it when people say ""it's just tradition"" like women are not men's property we are human beings. Even in the most patriarchal societies like in China,Korea,Japan and many middle eastern countries women don't change their last names. It's even worse here because I'm from the deep south and misogyny here is so normalized that I know if I say I don't want to get married or change my last name my family will be upset with me and force me too. It's very disturbing how this isn't seen as outdated and no one really cares enough to be against it. + +Edit:Ok, so it turns out that in Japan, women still have to change their surnames and in Korea,well SK that children get their father's surnames.Sorry for the misinformation.",,639,ChipmunkAmazing2105,1705633148.0 +Feminism,19avj3f,Is the objectification of women as a sexual resource inherent to men or is it a product of capitalism?,My perception of sexism and the sexual objectification and dehumanization of women is that it is a product of feudalism and later capitalism. Capitalism sees workers as a resource for profit just like how misogynists see women as a resource for sex. My theory is that capitalism and misogyny are one and the same just with different resources. One is work output and profitability while the other is sex. What are your thoughts?,,19,unstoppablehippy711,1705702827.0 +Feminism,19arix6,What's a good contemporary book/study on feminst theory that's hot right now?,"I've studied the basics back in uni, and I always like to read the occasional article. What I'd like is a recommendation for something that's been kind of popular nowadays for it has contributed to the contemporary development of feminist though.",,14,bbeni11,1705692768.0 +Feminism,19ae971,i can't be a woman because of internalised misogyny,"(i'm not sure if this could be considered an off topic post, so sorry in advance) + +i identify as nonbinary, but since gaining an interest in feminism i've started to heavily doubt myself and my gender identity. i'm not going to transition anytime in the future, so i feel that being nonbinary is just a political statement more than anything else because even though i really would prefer to not be seen as a woman, i will still be seen as a woman by society at large. + +i started to question what the reason behind my nonbinary identity is and i've come to realise that it is most likely borne out of internalised misogyny. i feel no connection to the idea of womanhood and i resent it because i can only see it as a bad thing. to me, being female is synonymous with being degraded and subjugated by men. i've never fit the social roles of a woman well and i have no interest in relationships with men. being female is a burden i have to carry due to the misfortune of my birth. i also feel some discomfort towards my body, especially feminine characteristics like my chest. however, despite my personal feelings about gender, i recognise that i'm essentially living as a cis woman because i am not transitioning, and i'm also mostly closeted. + +i'm struggling heavily to reconcile my beliefs with my gender identity. i think the best option for me would be accepting that i am a cis woman because i don't really want to take testosterone. how can i overcome internalised misogyny? is there anybody else who feels this way? + +&#x200B;",,93,throwawaynbfem,1705652229.0 +Feminism,199we01,Imagine if we tell men their first ejaculation has virgin semen,By @farida.d.author on Instagram,https://i.redd.it/yp395m0pn8dc1.jpeg,1000,Shea_Scarlet,1705601080.0 +Feminism,19arihf,Navigating Feminism and Personal Sexuality," Hey everyone! + +I've been grappling with something and wanted to throw it out here for discussion. I find myself caught in a bit of a dilemma. I've been exploring practices like pompoir, tantric sex, kegels, and various methods to enhance my sexual experiences. + +On a personal level, it's been quite the journey, but I can't help but wonder how this aligns with my feminist ideals. Is the pursuit of improving our sexual experiences somehow counter-productive to the broader feminist battle? Especially when we're navigating the realm of heterosexual relationships, where it seems like a bit of a grey area. + +I'm not looking for a one-size-fits-all answer, but rather hoping to open up a dialogue. How do you, as feminists, make sense of personal sexual growth within the context of our broader feminist beliefs? Can we reconcile the pursuit of sexual fulfillment with our goals for equality? + +Please add whatever you do!",,9,Creative-Muscle-491,1705692736.0 +Feminism,19adr69,Ideas for a “feminist rage” event?,"Hello, I’m the president of the Feminist Club at my college. At the end of this semester, we’re having an event that celebrates feminist rage. I think feminist rage is really important to recognize and normalize, as many of the greatest feminist movements were motivated by rage. Women also still fight to be able to feel anger without being called “hysterical.” With all that being said, my original idea for this event was to do a sort of wreck room where we could allow people to break things and let out their rage. After some discussion, though, we were unable to think of a way to do this safely (and without getting in trouble with the school!) +We decided to go a different direction and will instead be going with things such as sidewalk chalk, water balloons, and a pellet gun that shoots biodegradable bullets. Aside from that, we’re coming up blank. I really want people to be able to express their rage in a healthy way, and I really don’t want to get in trouble with my school! Every time I try to look up crafts like this, the only things that come up are for little kids. Please help me come up with ideas for adults!!",,63,s00phers,1705650164.0 +Feminism,199ylg5,Me and my boyfriend disagree politically,"Me (24F) and my partner (28M) have been dating for two years now. He's a wonderful, hard-working man who cares for me and generally respects the people around him no matter what. I've always known that we don't agree on everything as I'm firmly left and he's more liberal/central left, but our general philosophies seemed to align. Recently though, we seem to be unable to find common ground. As a white man from a working class background, he's expressed feelings that he doesn't think he's privileged at all, and I find it difficult to explain that men's privilege tends to manifest in unmeasureable ways like being believed, listened to, always assumed to be capable, and able to express anger without consequence. I don't think he takes me seriously when I talk about the plight of women, and I'm not sure I take him seriously when he talks about men's issues as he hasn't made an effort to educate himself and put his experiences into perspective. Earlier, I mentioned people skewing statistics in custody cases to make the argument for 'female privilege', and he just said, ""I don't want to debate this"". What does that suggest? + +Is it a deal breaker that we don't share these opinions? And if not, how do we begin to understand each other on a deeper level?",,283,poppyfaeries,1705606498.0 +Feminism,19a9et0,"The madness of the witch hunt(feminist hunt) taking place in Korea,, And “Studio Puri,” which is under attack from incels, explained the current controversy. However, the Korean male community does not acknowledge this at all.",,/r/GirlGamers/comments/19a98og/the_madness_of_the_witch_huntfeminist_hunt_taking/,45,Inner_Response_1714,1705634984.0 +Feminism,19ajsag,Platforms to Share Memoir on Sexual Trauma,"Hi all. + +I recently published a somewhat niche, mixed media art book / memoir that explores sexual trauma and it's my personal hope is for it to find its way to female focused platforms, wellness centers, universities, etc. in order to contribute to important conversations and ideally help others who are struggling with their own experiences. + +I am from a background in the arts, but would love some suggestions in the realm of feminism. The book also has a link to a website with supportive resources for readers, and I would love to add to that list. Thanks for all your help in advance, and have a great weekend!",,3,MistySunbeam,1705672932.0 +Feminism,19a0dqi,Florida Man Says His Party Doesn't Need Women Voters,,https://crooksandliars.com/2024/01/florida-man-suggests-his-party-doesnt-need,51,BurtonDesque,1705610856.0 +Feminism,199t0k1,"Conservatives’ contradictory statements regarding abortion, LGBTQ etc","**Which conservatives’ statements in your opinion are super contradictory?** + +(Not just American) +______ + + +In my opinion +Pro-Lifers: If you believe that a child should have a traditional family (mom& dad) then forcing someone to have a child they don’t want means that this kid might grow up without a family/ in a foster system. + + +Bible doesn’t forbid abortion according to Exodus 21:22-23: +* Exodus 21, for example, suggests that a pregnant woman’s life is more valuable than the fetus’s. This text describes a scenario in which men who are fighting strike a pregnant woman and cause her to miscarry. A monetary fine is imposed if the woman suffers no other harm beyond the miscarriage. However, if the woman suffers additional harm, the perpetrator’s punishment is to suffer reciprocal harm, up to life for life.* [source](https://theconversation.com/what-the-bible-actually-says-about-abortion-may-surprise-you-186983) +(Edit: I’m not religious and I believe that all states, but especially multicultural ones, should be secular) + + + Additionally, far-right Republicans (US) hypocrisy regarding courts role + +* Before the supreme court overturned Roe v Wade last June, the conservative line on the American judiciary was fairly consistent: judges should be careful interpreters of the rules, not activists; legislatures should decide policy, while courts should simply enforce the law.* ([Guardian](https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/apr/17/conservatives-judicial-activism-abortion-mifepristone)) + + +Incest: +*Kentucky Republican Nick Wilson introduced a bill to legalize sex with first cousins* (later withdrawn). Very often I hear conservatives saying that if they allow same-sex marriage then what next? Legalizing pedophilia, zoophilia and incest? + +If they really cared about unborn babies lives (and human rights) then allowing incest makes no sense. Especially if there are restrictions on abortion in place. Besides physical health related consequences, it’s mentally very hard for a kid to accept and explain that their parents are cousins or siblings.",,93,lndlml,1705592564.0 +Feminism,199knry,Miscarriages in Gaza Have Increased 300% Under Israeli Bombing,,https://jezebel.com/miscarriages-in-gaza-have-increased-300-under-israeli-1851168680,235,zm367,1705563282.0 +Feminism,199rbzo,TX faces backlash from businesses over abortion,https://youtu.be/UTNgjWcWyWc?si=aoN6hKH1_urtovgl,,49,Inevitable_Sector_14,1705587994.0 +Feminism,199wfit,Gacha Drama and the Korean Gender War,Is this true?,https://youtu.be/-Im4YAMWK74?si=NYlBlVXrd0U_3Byn,10,Gloomy_Living_7532,1705601182.0 +Feminism,199p661,Is Bell Hooks essentialist?,"My partner told me that Bell Hooks was essentialist (meaning that there is no distinction between sex and gender). I can't find anything about that on the internet. +What do you think?",,23,Available-Pause3959,1705581299.0 +Feminism,19a251x,Afrochingonas: the seeds of resistance on a flowering field,,https://shado-mag.com/do/afrochingonas-the-seeds-of-resistance-on-a-flowering-field/,4,hamsterdamc,1705615132.0 +Feminism,1996thf,"Why, despite the success of the feminist movement in the last couple years, is it still super normalized to change your last name when you get married to a man?","I'm from a Spanish-speaking country, this means women don't change our name when we get married, and our children inherit both last names (one from the father and one from the mother), even some people choose their mother's name first. However, I've seen many ""feminists"" looking forward to get their future husbands' surnames. + +For me, this is disgusting for various reasons: first, it feels like you're giving up your personality and selling it to a man, as if you were a property (that's how it worked in the past; you belonged first to your dad and then to yourhusband); but also, nowadays, with all the bureaucracy and papers, plus the fact that basically everything is digitalized, makes me think it can be a really complicated and difficult legal process. I have even seen people who like gay fictional ships (gay men mostly), speculating about which one is the one changing their surname in an hypothetical marriage. Like, why is that still even considered a possibility? I hate it.",,410,Lycaonna,1705523351.0 +Feminism,199j24x,My parents are forcing me for same caste marriage,my parents force me to get married to a same caste syed guy but I like someone out of my caste. How should i convince them? Your honest suggestions are requested plz,,50,SyedaMuntaha,1705557239.0 +Feminism,1994z0z,"Received a DM the other day: ""it's offensive to compare the issues women face to the issues black people face""","I made a post on a ""different sub"" a few days ago (I won't name which one but you can look back in my post history to find it) that had to do with my white partner not understanding how male privilege works, while fully grasping the concept of white privilege. + +I received a DM from some dude saying something along the lines of, ""you think misogyny is on the same scale as the issues black people face? Hilarious."" + +In a nutshell: women don't actually have any ""real"" problems and it's offensive to call someone out for grasping white privilege but not male privilege. + +So I guess I'm interested to get your take on this, especially from any Women of Color reading. Being a white woman, I don't feel qualified or comfortable speaking about whether these two types of privilege are comparable or on the same scale and I understand that WOC generally face more/unique challenges than white women. I would love some more insight so I can further gain some perspective. + +Thoughts?",,167,purpleuneecorns,1705518980.0 +Feminism,19983hn,"Inside California’s secret sterilisation programme – and its antivax legacy — Hundreds, if not thousands, of inmates were sterilised against their will. The impact on lives and trust in medicine has been devastating",,https://www.telegraph.co.uk/global-health/women-and-girls/california-sterilisation-scandal-compensation-hysterectomy/,41,Randomlynumbered,1705526399.0 +Feminism,198w7wa,Poop Anxiety in Women dissertation study-- participants needed (age 18+),"Hey y’all! My name is Diana, and I am super close to finishing my doctoral degree (finally) and need some help. I am collecting data for my dissertation on the sociocultural/patriarchal influences and experiences of poop anxiety (i.e., shy bowel syndrome/parcopresis) in women. Flyer with details and the survey link are below. Must be age 18+ and identify as a woman (cis & trans inclusive) to participate. Please consider taking and sharing if you have the time and space! And if you have any questions and/or want the published results when it’s all said and done, let me know. Hoping to support in co-creating a world where we can all poop in peace <3 -Diana + +**Flyer:** [https://www.canva.com/design/DAFz4VoTYjc/M2fGAN1UzQy3r3wsMr3zsQ/view?utm\_content=DAFz4VoTYjc&utm\_campaign=designshare&utm\_medium=link&utm\_source=editor](https://www.canva.com/design/DAFz4VoTYjc/M2fGAN1UzQy3r3wsMr3zsQ/view?utm_content=DAFz4VoTYjc&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=editor) + +**Survey link:** [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/WFGTP72](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/WFGTP72)",,136,dianamoss13,1705497093.0 +Feminism,1990rok,French Parliament committee agrees draft language to protect abortion in Constitution,,https://www.lemonde.fr/en/politics/article/2024/01/17/french-parliament-committee-agrees-draft-language-to-protect-abortion-in-constitution_6440891_5.html,71,LeMonde_en,1705509193.0 +Feminism,199bef1,"Art History: History of the ""ideal feminine physique""","I had this required video in my Art History class, and figured people here would find it interesting. + + +[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4ipUdS8Td4&t=594s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4ipUdS8Td4&t=594s)",,16,KitDaKittyKat,1705534644.0 +Feminism,198jzsr,"I've seen this post on so many subreddits. Everytime, the comments are absolutely vile. Completely degrading this woman for how she looks and how she's changed. With no regard for how that type of commentary might be the exact reason she had work done. We are only worth as much as we are beautiful.",,https://i.redd.it/9dv40yg0uvcc1.png,381,liltooter,1705454453.0 +Feminism,199cc9s,Free The Nipple: Why should it still be headline news?,,https://www.euronews.com/culture/2024/01/16/free-the-nipple-why-should-it-still-be-headline-news,3,Immediate-Smile-2020,1705537092.0 +Feminism,198izoo,Good time to remember that Freedom and Justice are women,,https://i.redd.it/zgekds9obwcc1.jpeg,262,ClaireDacloush,1705451756.0 +Feminism,1989i9j,Chicago man sues over disparaging post on Facebook group about dating,"I’m in one of these groups. At least once a day a guy is posted and another woman in the comments finds things such as: a restraining order, DV charges, SA charges, *a secret wife*, etc. These groups were made for protecting women. And this man has decided to sue not only the woman who posted him, but the creators and moderators of the group. Because he got posted and now women won’t go near him. + +I posted my ex back in my local group back in may, I found out that not only was he cheating on me, but he was using hard drugs. I broke up with him and he ended up taking my car and totaling it, so I updated the post with photos of the totaled car. A girl told him about it and he tried to sue me for defamation, like this guy. It didn’t work out for him though, because everything posted was true. + +I would consider this particular SLAPP lawsuit another form of abuse. Women have the right to warn and protect each other. If it harms a man’s social life, then maybe he should treat women better.",https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/chicago/news/chicago-man-sues-disparaging-facebook-group-dating/?fbclid=IwAR1uVecOGRUh1Ov9SlKfbISVErMWxd4Xcpc1ZvmjemQiYeV_jNattAngBlo_aem_AS8-2Wp1-vel8UDJC3cOikftjTPwI6I4t7r4p9pnYsVcaTe-MvTvMQlAKDDeIA5bsN8,459,allthekeals,1705428590.0 +Feminism,19920eh,A very Curious Question about Women moving out of the parent's house in past eras.,"One of the things I've explicitly remember my own Mom telling me that her Father wouldn't let her move out of her parent's house unless she was married despite her Brothers moving out and buying their own houses independently that he ended up paying for and this was early since the *1980s* and I wonder how common this actually was especially during past eras that is. + +Just to give you a little context my Mom's side came from a very strict Catholic Sicilian background to clear things up.",,7,Jannol,1705512016.0 +Feminism,198ah4g,"I truly can’t grasp how non-misogynistic, progressive men can maintain friendships with misogynists.","And I’m not referring to men who pretend to be progressive, but to those who genuinely support women’s and LGBTQ+ rights and nevertheless appear comfortable maintaining friendships with men who don’t. It’s like they seem to perceive it as a minor difference of opinion rather than the profound divergence in fundamental values that it truly is. + +I don’t get it. Do these men share the same views as their problematic friends but lie about it? If not, I struggle to comprehend the mindset that allows them to be content with such friendships. + +As a young woman attracted to men, the question of whether to continue seeing individuals who appear fine but have problematic friends troubles me. It feels like a red flag, yet deeming it a dealbreaker would make my dating pool tiny. If I could grasp the reasoning behind their choices, why they maintain such friendships without seeing it as an affront to the women in their lives, it might help me decide whether this is a dealbreaker, but as someone who cares greatly about views on social issues when evaluating people, I genuinely can’t understand that mindset. + +What's your take on ""good"" men maintaining friendships with individuals who hold problematic views?",,274,No-Adagio-3157,1705430867.0 +Feminism,198ih37,Hopeless about young men,"I know this may come across as your very common ""girls mature faster than boys, i’m too mature for boys my age"" talk which is false and pushed onto girls to normalize older men and adult men hitting on teens, but i’ve been developing some concerns that are genuinely stressing me out. (note: my vocab is not that good, english isn’t my first language, sorry! also might be too long?) + +Lack of empathy is an ongoing trend among younger people but It’s terrifying how violently boys and young men express it. Specifically regarding women’s issue and misogyny, they deny to your face all of your personal experiences, those of others, and literal facts and written history as well ? + +My generation (at least where I live) were taught since elementary school about feminism, why equality is important, and common topics such as the pay gap, sexist stereotypes, the right to vote for women and basically pretty easy to tackle and basic feminist subjects that wouldn’t make any boy feel threatened but still teach kids some surface level information about the oppression of women. After all, that was mostly as liberal feminism was getting mainstream and it wasn’t too complex to explain to kids. Well, despite those teachings being very tame and mostly very factual, with no intent to demonize men whatsoever (or even hold them accountable for that matter, but that’s another discussion), young men are discarding everything they’ve been taught and claiming schools are demonizing men and favoring women ??? They are actively denying real documented issues (ask any teen boy about the wage gap and he’ll either tell you that it doesn’t exist or is justified) or ignoring every talk about it because ""well it’s not like that today is it"", despite it being recent history. They now claim every attempt at teaching about feminism and women’s history is proof of men’s oppression and that they don’t get special treatment so why should women, or that feminism is an extremist leftist ideology that should not be taught in schools. + +Another thing is how they deny your own, lived experiences and expect you to put yourself in danger because for some reason they think that all women are lying and exaggerating when they say safety is a daily worry for them ? You have boys genuinely get mad at you for taking precautions and being careful, getting defensive that you don’t trust them personally or that you hold stereotypes and harmful views of men which is ??? + +Now, I am saying this is a boys/young men problem because in my experience, despite older men having their own ways of showcasing misogynistic and predatory behavior, they’ve never dared to deny reality THIS much. Most girls have been taught from a young age from their fathers and male relatives to stay alert and take precautions at all times, and generally it has always been common sense that even men agreed with. Generally, if you speak to an older man (30s and over) about having to rush home before night time, or not sharing private informations for safety reasons, they are more understanding of the implications and won’t push on the subject too much, mostly agreeing uncomfortably and moving on. When you say the same things to boys 12 to 25, they get SO defensive, and it’s apparently even worse if they’re friends or people close to you? Like somehow I should be less careful just because we’re friends! They think it’s about oppressing men and making them feel like monsters but it’s about our damn safety! A male friend of mine got mad at me for saying I was scared of men because apparently women do bad things too so I should be scared of everyone ? You’d think this is isolated behavior but this is super common in high school and college aged men. + +This leaves me worried that boys my age will never get it and never ever empathise with women. All they seem to care is how women’s experiences relate to men’s reputations. The only men I’ve met that I felt were understanding were older men aged 26 to 50 something, any younger or older have never tried to be fully understanding. I know good men exist, i’ve met incredibly nice and understanding men, especially in school, as some male teachers have truly made me feel safe and hopeful about what men could be like. I sometimes finding myself chatting with random older guys online (don’t worry, I never engage with anyone predatory or inappropriate) and they feel so...normal ? Like you could have a normal chat about life and interests and stuff without having to listen to them pity themselves and complain how much harder than you they’ve got it and how privileged you are for being a woman and all..(note: I know a lot of older men are total losers with miserable lives, but it feels like in my generation every male is like that with very few exceptions, and they express it very openly and very graphically (shock humor and dark humor, rape and violence jokes) whereas old misogynistic men hold back in fear of being cancelled or something lol). + +I truly want to give a man a chance and start dating eventually, but for this very reason I only find myself attracted to older men. But I don’t really want to get with an 30 year old man as soon as I turn 18, you know? That would feel weird and uncomfortable, and I don’t really like the idea of such an age gap. But they seem to be the only relatively normal men to be around! I seriously have never met a boy close to my age that wasn’t an asshole in one way or another, even the ones that are generally nice. + +Sorry for the long post...Any thoughts on this? Do you think it’s just an age thing that will pass as they grow up or is it a generational thing? I’m feeling hopeless here!",,73,TheGodFromTheMachine,1705450398.0 +Feminism,198jfw5,Biggest women’s protest of the history,"With my endometriosis warrior sisters we want to create the biggest women’s protest of the history of North America for our rights, because nobody gives a sh*t of us and no research are done for our disease (women disease you know) and we are in so much pain and so dismiss every single day by every doctors. Enough is enough. It’s more than just endometriosis, this is about women’s healthcare, about gynecological trauma, about how women are treated in the society. We are 1/10 (at least!) to have this disease in the world, this is the first reason of infertility of the world and nobody cares!!! + +What are your ideas for creating a project like that?",,49,Logical-Option-182,1705452962.0 +Feminism,1987365,Why so many daddy issues?," As I started to resemble my mother and break that mould of whatever daughter my father wanted me to be, is when I saw him for himself. A man so consumed in his own trauma, he’s unable to show love to his daughter. All he knows is rage and anger. A daughter constantly critiqued by his own monsters for whatever reason. One hour I'm the best, the next hour he’s towering over me threatening to strike me, over something so trivial like an avocado. And there’s nothing I want more than to be his little girl again. But that stage has passed. I’m just a reflection of his failures to him. Except when I do well. Then of course he’s over the moon, I’m showered with praise, so others can see how well he did without my mother. To prove his worth to others, that he’s not such a shit parent after all. From as long as I could remember my father was my idol, he was my superhero, the man who my mother didn’t understand. The man she spoke ill of, and the man I defended with my whole heart as a little girl. Nobody could tarnish the image I had of him, except him. + +But even after all he has neglected, I still find in my heart a complex love for him. Which I think he does the same. ",,22,N03l_2,1705422831.0 +Feminism,197pwxa,MLK Day just makes me angry- most Americans would hate him today,"MLK Jr. got arrested for boycotting the Montgomery Bus Company because boycotts were illegal at the time. So he got arrested and convicted, while just encouraging people to spend their time and money elsewhere. Bonkers. Yet, in the year of our Lord 2024, there are dumbass people, including everyone who leads the NFL, who HATE Colin Kapernick for kneeling to the flag to protest police brutality. In 2024 there are folks who whimper ""All Lives Matter!"" and put Thin Blue Line stickers on their stupid cars in direct opposition to the Black Lives Matter movement. If MLK was around today, do you think he'd be standing for the flag? nOPE. Do you think he'd be shouting that All Lives Matter Not Just Black Lives? Absofuckinglutely not. Do you think he'd point out that Breona Taylor's death was justified cuz her boyfriend sucked? Hell no. It is so angering that MLK is so idolized by so many who ignore and, in fact, contribute to the very real racism that exists today. I want to just shout and scream at all those fake ass people who honor MLKs day while turning around and enacting racist policies and voting for racist people. + +And before anyone says ""this is a feminism forum not an anti racism forum,"" look up misogynoir and tell me that we can achieve equality without addressing racism, because we cannot. Equality for all is not possible until we eliminate racism as well.",,212,2kyle2furious,1705367655.0 +Feminism,199a7ts,Why do so many women think they wear makeup for themselves?,"I think that people who wear makeup do not wear it for themselves. + +I've been getting a lot of videos on my TikTok where misogynistic men will invite OnlyFans workers and do a podcast with them-- and because none of the people there are actually qualified to debate about the topic or even wanting to properly discuss the topic of feminism, the women go on a rampage about how they wear makeup and produce OnlyFans content for themselves while the men have a fit about how women only wear makeup for male viewing and pleasure. + +When I watched this video, I was quite angry at both parties because they both seemed to be at completely different understanding of why someone wears makeup. And I was also surprised at the amount of comments saying that women absolutely wear makeup for themselves. + +And I used to believe that too at my very early stages of learning feminism. I believed that because as a woman myself, I was so sick of hearing that everything I did was for a man. I remember being a young girl and wearing a particularly nice dress for school, and my mother commented; ""Ooh, do you have a boy that you like in your class?"" And I remember being very confused because I just wanted to look pretty and nice for the day, not specifically for anyone. I remember feeling like a performer rest of that day because suddenly I was aware that I was wearing a dress, and it felt like every boy in that class was judging me. + +And I think that is why so many women nowadays believe that they wear makeup for themselves. Because we are in this society with a rise in feminism (on tiktok, we call it bimbofication of feminism where people use stereotypical gender roles to criticize the patriarchy) and this return to ""girlhood,"" and women are realizing that they are sick of hearing that whatever they do is for male attention. Hence the reasoning that wearing makeup is a choice that they 100% make on their own, for their own eyes. + +However, wearing makeup, at a basic level, is to ""enhance one's beauty."" Some call it art, but most of the time it is for beauty. And beauty is a societal expectation that relies on capitalism, sexism, and racism. When a person wears makeup, they cover ""imperfections"" to appear more attractive within (usually western) societal beauty standards. And that desire stems from the high societal pressure that blames and punishes unattractiveness while praising and glorifying attractiveness. Same thing with cosmetic surgeries such as nose jobs and boob jobs. + +So, when a woman is wearing makeup, she isn't really wearing it for herself. A lot of women claim that they wear makeup even if they don't go out, but the reality of that input is that women feel the need to be constantly pretty. Because of the terrible expectation that the world puts on women. So when I say ""Women don't wear makeup for themselves,"" I'm not saying ""Women wear makeup for men."" Fuck anyone who says that. I am saying ""Women wear makeup for society."" + +This is very standard knowledge that I thought everyone knew. But I was surprised at the amount of women (specifically on tiktok because I believe that app is truly a mess when it comes to feminism) who believed that they wore makeup for themselves. + +I'm wondering if I am missing something-- because I cannot figure out why so many women are pro-makeup. I wear makeup because I'm pretty insecure about my face, but I do acknowledge that makeup in the long run could be bad for your skin, contributing to capitalism, etc. + +If you believe that you wear makeup for yourself, I would love to hear a reasoning behind it, and I would also love to know how I can explain myself to men who believe that women wear makeup for male viewing only. + + +EDIT: Again, I'm not shaming women for wearing makeup? !! Nor am I saying men are the reason why we wear makeup? I'm saying that wearing makeup often leads to more favourable treatment from both men and society in general, and it is worth considering whether this societal expectation plays a part in the motivation behind choosing to wear makeup. + +EDIT 2: If you wear makeup for the objective of being beautiful, then you are acknowledging that there is a standard of beauty that you must use makeup in order to achieve it. Where does that beauty standard come from? Does it come from within oneself or does it come from society? That is the part I want to put emphasis on. Because no matter what, a person’s bias will always be affected by the world. You can say you are wearing makeup for yourself, and the contemporary world has certainly gravitated towards that compared to the olden days, but you cannot deviate from capitalism and sexism when it comes to makeup. And again, this is not about the male gaze. ",,0,Iamliterally18iswear,1705531620.0 +Feminism,197rct8,Kenya femicide: A woman's murder exposes the country's toxic online misogyny,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-67987347,85,BurtonDesque,1705371649.0 +Feminism,197c3c0,Women who victim blame,"Without going into much detail, I was choked without my consent and labeled that as assault on Reddit. I was also body shamed (you can look at my previous post for more details). Most of the comments were supportive, but here goes one that goes straight into victim blaming. + +What I find the most interesting about women who choose to victim blame is they almost get to the point, but completely miss it. + +Saying something like “verbal consent isn’t the only type of consent“ is weird to me, especially with something like choking. I’m confused on how one would consent non-verbally to choking. Like imagine the hills you had to go over and the amount of reaching required to say this after someone made it clear that it wasn’t consensual. + +It’s almost as if these women hate it that other women have sexual boundaries. The myth that all assault victims are perfect needs to die. Assault victims can participate in victim blaming as a way to make sense of the trauma they’ve experienced. And they can be VILE while doing it.",https://i.redd.it/ixpanamlmmcc1.jpeg,321,DigWinter7737,1705334361.0 +Feminism,197dwpn,Tools for blocking youtube channels that are either rightwing or anti feminism. Now you can block out all those mens rights activist channels and clear up your youtube search!,,https://i.redd.it/swv6o563zmcc1.png,185,ClaireDacloush,1705338690.0 +Feminism,197dey8,The hair on my legs is just extra insulation for all this snow ❄️ 😅 (prints by me),,https://i.redd.it/x038qbhyvmcc1.jpeg,179,SeaSlugChloe,1705337507.0 +Feminism,197qt9v,"""Three Women""","Late to the party: I am currently reading ""Three Women"" by Lisa Taddeo. I'm half way through and I don't understand what the fuzz is all about. That book got praised so much.. To me, it's not a feminist book, I think it's quite sexist. What are your thoughts?",,16,AromaticHeart8943,1705370136.0 +Feminism,197h8xi,I have a feminism blog and am looking for contributors,"I started a blog about my research in feminism a while ago and wanted to grow it by getting more like-minded people to write for the site, not sure if I’m allowed to post this here but here goes nothing",https://thescififeminist.blog/2024/01/15/looking-for-contributors/,55,JanewayPiAlpha,1705346489.0 +Feminism,1971tiv,"For Female Fashion Models, Job Security and Sexual Harassment Are Often Intertwined. Research found while sexual harassment occurs in every industry, it is particularly prevalent in fashion, a sector populated by young girls taking directions from powerful men,",,https://www.rutgers.edu/news/female-fashion-models-job-security-and-sexual-harassment-are-often-intertwined,87,Fodla,1705299261.0 +Feminism,196thth,I'm tired of performing femininity,"As a woman,I'm so tired of having to wear tight dresses,high heels,shaving while men don't get slack for not doing anything to change their appearance.I'm tired of libfems coming at radfems for pointing out how women are forced to be feminine and if they don't they be chastised by society and viewed as unhuman or ""manly"".I'm tired of women's clothing being oversexualized like how our shorts are too short for guys to see up our buttons, uncomfortable sequins/glitter and no pockets on pants.I'm not saying that it's not ok for women to like makeup or do girly things but goodness it's not wrong to admit that these things are apart of social conditioning.Why is it ok to call out ""toxic"" masculinity but not criticize femininity.If we want to get rid of gender roles then let's accept that both masculinity and femininity is bad and performing ""femininity"" doesn't really empower women but it hurts us.",,247,ChipmunkAmazing2105,1705274455.0 +Feminism,19729hv,The Plastic Feminism of Barbie,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RToUZJ0l7Pk,53,SamusArani,1705300887.0 +Feminism,197lnkg,"More than half of those applying for domestic violence payment are rejected, data shows",,https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2024/jan/16/domestic-violence-support-payment-rate-data-under-half-accepted,3,FuckHopeSignedMe,1705356763.0 +Feminism,1967s2c,Should we socialize all children the way we socialize girls?,"Hello + +I have been giving a lot of thought lately to the impact of socialization and gender on individuals, and it has left me feeling concerned about the prevalence of patriarchy. I am curious to know your opinion on a couple of potential solutions that have been on my mind. Firstly, I wonder if it might be helpful to avoid assigning gender to children altogether, allowing them the freedom to explore their own identity without the limitations of societal norms. Alternatively, I have been considering the idea of socializing all children in a way that prioritizes typically feminine traits such as empathy, emotional intelligence, and caregiving skills. What do you think?",,188,Stella_Farrah,1705208035.0 +Feminism,196i9uw,Is increased introversion a possible benefit towards Feminism?,"This is my first post on here, I have rarely interacted with Feminism as I myself am quite introverted. Though it can be hard to fully ascertain someone's motives on the internet, I hope that I can ascertain the right words to convery that this post is purely made out of curiosity (if there is any issue with this post I would enjoy learning how and why). + +I'm not talking about the terrible people on the internet, that abuse anonymity to hurt those around them out of schadenfreude or simple sociopathic natures. I'm curious about those that simply engage less in society, that still will go to their 9 to 5 and are far less likely to engage in relationships simply because they either focus on work or simply perfer to live alone. If these people weren't doing so out of sexism (MGTOW is a good example of the inverse), and thus never spread terrible ideologies, would this continual trend be beneficial in creating a far more egalitarian society?",,13,DrSleeperAgent,1705245901.0 +Feminism,19619z3,Internalised Misogyny of Mothers,"I went home for Christmas to see my family and it got me thinking about my childhood. I remember in my teen years confronting my mother (truthfully but also stroppily) by saying how she never loved me as much as my older brother. She didn't reply how I expected and simply said ""Boys are easier to love than girls. Girls are bitches"". And I've never ever forgotten this. I've even brought it up to her again at times and she's always agreed with that statement, never seeming to think how it must make me feel. It broke my heart. To confirm what I had always felt. And even as an adult it makes me sob like a child to think that if id been born a boy...maybe she would have loved me and our relationship wouldn't have been as painful as it always been. And it made me think of all the ways young girls behaviour is twisted. My mother's stories of mine and my brother's childhood seemed to villainise me. My brother struggled with speaking and was late, whereas I developed speech quickly. This was of course me being ""gobby"" and ""always needing to get involved"". Even the fact I was born early and he was late was a a girlish sign that I could never mind my own business. These seem like jokey things but the more I've grown the more I've come to believe my mother really does believe these things. Small comments mean so much to a girl who grew up feeling unloved and like she was born evil. That there's something intrinsically wrong with girls. It's sad because when I heard stories of her youth I always thought ""my god you hated yourself"". She's never been able to see past her internalised Misogyny and I don't think she ever will, which upsets me because it must hurt her? It used to make me laugh that my mum thought she had such a difficult relationship with me because girls are just born bitchy, and not because of the fact I'd dealt with an emotionally unavailable mothe. My brother wasn't ""bitchy"" because she had lavished him with love. But to her, it's because he's naturally angelic. He can do no wrong. I've spent my whole life trying to prove I'm worth loving. I'm the first in the family to go to university and I was the only child who ever took school seriously. But these things don't matter to her. He's always going to be more important. It's such a medieval concept, this idea of boys better and it breaks my heart that my own mother thinks that. I have spent my life trying to form these amazing female bonds and the friendships I have are so wonderful. I attached myself to feminist teachers in my life. I just wish my mother could see past all the lies and nonsense and see that she just had a baby girl. I wasn't evil. I wasn't bitchy. I just wanted to be loved.",,180,madonna4ever,1705188260.0 +Feminism,195qbh5,Deselected for being a woman,"I'm so over this shit. I'm 52. Been in a big, bad ass fire department for 26 years. I have never dropped the ball in any aspect on that job. Me n other females on the job have worked 110% so they leave us alone. And some still don't. +I was chosen last year to help instruct a fire department way up north from us. A beautiful island. They r proactive because they have $ from tourism to train and need to be ontop of their game because of people load in summer. Not to mention their Chief is pretty solid on all sides. +Here's the but. +Last year there wr 3 firefighters that attended training days the Chief puts on. They wr woman. +This year I was told by another invite from my dept who instructed w me last year that I wasn't needed cuz, there were no other females attending class this year. +This is what the Chf said to my guy about me not being reinvited. +Chf has invited guys from my department in place of me that have less time on the job so less experience but they got an extra appendage than me. +So I'm out. My feathers shouldn't be ruffled cuz it's in February and can get way below freezing where we train so I can go sit my ass on a beach now. +But that's some bullshit. Ima firefighter. What does it matter what I look like. +He would have said he just choose others instead of saying the female part if I really wasn't a qualified instructor right? +Am I mistaken? getting it twisted? +I feel it's some bullshit. + +Edit. That is not my Chief. But a Chief from a small up north department that hired me last year. This year no hire back because as there r no female firefighters I am of no use with my experience that is more than a male that other department Chief hired. ",,322,shannypants2000,1705159389.0 +Feminism,195sn5c,Male Gaze," + +Margret Atwood’s comment on the male gaze “*unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through* *the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”* + +This observation rung a bell for me and un-doubtly all women, however it scares me to think this is a disease I can never escape from. I still catch myself undressing as if one is watching me, or doing the most miniscule unimportant task ever, yet subconsciously I can feel the presence of a man. And when I catch these thoughts, I stumble in my own actions and feel weak and isolated. I am a slave to men, whether I acknowledge or not, everything I do and don’t do is a fantasy to a man. It takes time and years to understand what it means to be a woman, but as a young woman who is hyperaware of that phantom man who torments her very existence, It”s a journey which I look forward to. I want to be a wo(man) and fe(male) free of male existence, I want to be myself free from echoes of that unwarranted “watcher” constantly lurking within me.",,215,N03l_2,1705165540.0 +Feminism,195n6xn,Women Being Addressed By First Names,"I'm currently doing a media class in school, and we're looking at Propp's theory (the guy that did the hero archetypes stuff) and Mulvey's male gaze theory. + +Mulvey is exclusively referred to as 'Laura' or 'Laura Mulvey' whilst Propp is known as 'Propp' and never 'Vladimir' or 'Vladmir Propp' which I said to my media teacher, who seemed to think there was no problem with this. + +Despite their theories being discussed equally and held to equal status, Mulvey is addressed by first name. I'm aware this has been discussed before, but even when we're discussing in class how sexist the 1950's media was, we're still participating in it ourselves. + +How can we stop this being so normalised in society? I seem to be the only one in my class to have mentioned this and it just gives me a bad feeling about the general population. I thought we were better than this.",,199,Reddemonichero,1705149747.0 +Feminism,195f4pl,I Want A Wife,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/195f4pl,715,lewisjessicag,1705118963.0 +Feminism,195f8eu,This Facebook comment deserves applause and I thought I’d share it with you all,It’s just so… *chefs kiss*,https://i.redd.it/yduacr32v4cc1.jpeg,418,-viasteph,1705119280.0 +Feminism,195qndd,Is it feminist to engage in casual relationships?,would you all do it? why and why not? I am a budding adult (18) and need some big sister advice on this!,,44,boot_pulge34,1705160309.0 +Feminism,19602ar,I'm looking for movies about the male gaze,,/r/MovieSuggestions/comments/195y5aq/im_looking_for_movies_about_the_male_gaze/,8,Swimming-Item8891,1705184958.0 +Feminism,195gaoq,This is hard for me to do because I have extreme discomfort of my body but I am posting to be in support of Brittany Watts in the US who miscarried,"Clearly these old men in power don't understand women's bodies. It's been clearly illustrated that they barely know what an abortion is let alone a miscarriage or how awful it is. That someone could get in legal trouble for this is mind boggling. + + +I don't use twitter so I've never made a hashtag before but I want to maybe open a forum where people can post their experience with miscarriage. Like a post your abortion thing but with this also. I think we need to de-mythologise these things, that they aren't nice, they aren't a picture postcard of a women in hospital with people all around loving and caring and making sure she is all right and all this BS. Sometimes it's alone and ugly and you just have to move on. + + +The is the first time I'm talking about this outside of a doctor office, a trauma therapist or to my partner as it happened, ie I haven't told friends or family about this and never posted about it online. + + +This can happen to anyone. + + +Spoiler tag in case someone has bad PTSD about this they can skip it + + +>!For me it was in the tail end of a relationship that had gone sour, I was living with my partner, a transwoman, who for some reason as she was starting to transition flipped from being supportive to the most misogynistic person I've ever met, and that includes out and out sexists but in a more seething and underhanded manner. It was like she was inflicting her dysphoria on me and I've never been a super effeminate person but she was trying to push me into being someone who I wasn't and being super mean about it as well +!< + +>!We weren't intimate often, so infrequently that since I get bad side effects of hormonal birth control so I didn't take it but sometimes the condom would break. +!< + +>!Other times I have been pregnant I had significant spotting at the time of my period so I didn't really think about it but one time I went to the washroom and there was pain very high up inside me and a LOT of blood and something passed that wasn't a clot and afterwards I looked and it appeared like a bird embryo only dark red and I kind of freaked and sort of repulsively flushed and I went out and told my partner and that I wanted to go to the hospital. +!< + +>!She was too busy with her ""friend"" (she was having an online affair right out in the open and lying about it) and I had moved there to be with her and was completely isolated. Also I have such fear of doctors when it comes to anything to do with women's health stuff and I said I needed her to go with me. +!< + +>!She very rudely started ummm 'splaining my period to me which was fucking baffling because she knew nothing about this and I was her first female partner, how the hell can she tell me anything? I was floored by how cruel she had become, we were together 7 years before I moved and she had morphed into this really cruel callous monster. +!< + +>!I just sort of went into a ball and cried as quietly as I could so she wouldn't get mad.!< + + +So nothing was done. In fact, it would have never occurred to me to scoop it out and like ""treat it like a corpse"" or whatever. + + +So like, yeah. I get that most people hear of a miscarriage that happens at the hospital and people all gather round to support the woman but sometimes it doesn't reabsorb and comes out like that and you just have to go on with your day. + + +I can't imagine going through this and then having to deal with legal repercussions for it. That's fucking nuts. I want to support Brittany Watts in every way I can + + +&#x200B;",,156,TesseractToo,1705122745.0 +Feminism,1959bce,Kate Cox on her struggle to obtain an abortion in Texas,,https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/kate-cox-interview-on-her-struggle-to-obtain-an-abortion-in-texas/,317,audiomuse1,1705102415.0 +Feminism,195kqle,"This Marilyn Fyre quote is specific to misogynists, right?","&#x200B; + +[Someome subliminally sent this to me as a general rule and I want to get answers to the context.](https://preview.redd.it/fisiq2rvk6cc1.jpg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2b73b9e92f7bb74cf049eae1709f936640143565)",,25,rinnygade,1705140091.0 +Feminism,195s8t4,which book is this quote from?,"hi everyone! i remember seeing a passage from a feminist book on social media a while back, and i can’t really remember any specific parts of it but i would love to get the book, if anyone can help me identify it. the passage is basically about how some women feel protected by the patriarchy and feel unwilling to let go of patriarchal ideas, and makes an analogy (if i remember correctly) to feeling safe living under a rock attacked by ocean waves? maybe some sort of metaphor about a cage? honestly i can’t remember the analogy well but i remember there was one. all i remember is that the passage was about some women being unwilling to let go of the patriarchy because it protects them from something. sorry, i know this isn’t very helpful!! but if anyone has any idea what i’m talking about that would be amazing. thanks!",,7,premed_exe,1705164515.0 +Feminism,1953xun,"""The Stanley craze: How a reusable cup became the latest symbol of overconsumption""","""It’s a tactic and marketing strategy that primarily draws in women. “I think there is a hyperfocus on women and their purchasing power, which ties into conversations on influencers … and the pushing of very feminine products happening in the wake of this very hyper feminine 2023 of Barbie and [Taylor Swift’s] Eras Tour and these much larger cultural touchstones and moments,” Coduto said."" + + +This is fascinating to be honest! Does anyone know of any similar articles or even studies? Is this actually more of a ""women"" thing like the article states, with scarcity and that sort of marketing? Why is this? This does seem like a big problem of overconsumption, but again more of a women's issue. But is it only a women's thing? I know it seems to play into our like subconscious but how come you don't really hear of men doing similar things? + + +I'd love to hear your thoughts, opinions, comments, etc! Would love to read more about this kinda stuff. Also hope it's okay to post this here! + + +Apologies for any formatting issues. On my phone",https://19thnews.org/2024/01/stanley-cup-colors-craze-reusable-sustainability-overconsumption/,305,my_name_is_tree,1705088885.0 +Feminism,194zxh8,"Why Texas is dead last in 'personal freedom,' according to new study",,https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/politics/yall-itics/texas-rankings-last-dallas-personal-freedom-cato-institute/287-91807d11-1b84-4886-9482-e53096276558,384,audiomuse1,1705078922.0 +Feminism,195b0xz,"How Many of Your State’s Lawmakers Are Women? If You Live in the Southeast, It Could Be Just 1 in 5.",,https://www.propublica.org/article/state-lawmakers-women-southeast,48,nana488,1705106927.0 +Feminism,194u4q4,"""Men are raised to not show emotion"", and women are?","Hi! So this will depend on the culture you grew up in, but a common talking point in MRA circles is that men have harder lives in general, but especially growing up. Taught to not show emotion except neutrality or anger. Personally, I don't see how that's especially different from being raised to always be pleasant and being shamed for ""overreacting"" if a woman shows emotion other than pleasantness. It seems like a case of ""she looks so happy, her life must be SO easy!"" Ignoring that the ""happy"" person is likely putting on a mask because not doing so typically garners a negative reaction from people, especially men. + +Similarly, MRAs complain about man flu and act like women don't conceal and treat their own pain and illnesses all the time and aren't taken seriously by medical doctors and aren't taken into consideration when most drugs are developed. Men are the standard, illness is taken seriously in men in a medical setting (with the exception of fainting), but may not be taken seriously at work or home a. Because employeers care more about men's and women's productivity more than their health and b. Compared to how many women I've noticed don't tend to draw attention to having a cold or flu and just tough it out, most men I've seen with either tend to act like they're dying and the world must stand still to tend to their needs + +Basically I find MRA and some feminist forums see things as exclusively gendered issues when it affects everyone and just might present slightly differently.",,384,ThisIsMySpaceJam,1705063287.0 +Feminism,1951fpc,Want to see what Republicans want for abortion rights nationally? Look at Texas.,,https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2023/12/10/texas-abortion-case-judge-permission-healthcare-decisions/71851981007/,87,audiomuse1,1705082615.0 +Feminism,1958f7s,Just making my way down town...,"The amount of places I've tried posting this only to be rejected or deleted is truly astonishing. + +Mainly UK based subs, which are generally much more left leaning, oddly enough. + +Can you remember the first time you really - truly, absolutely - remember understanding that things weren't the same for you as they were for other people around you? People born with male parts, specifically? + +I have such a vivid memory of going to Secondary School (age 11 for US readers) and finally being allowed to walk to school (3-4 min walk) on my own for the first time. And about 90 seconds down the road, proudly shuffling down the street in my new uniform, my massive new shoes and my shiny backpack... I see the middle aged man ""enjoying himself loudly"" in the bushes. + +Ended up legging it down the road and feeling terrible for the rest of the day but it's always stuck with me. I was a little girl trying to make her first day of school. I thought he was having a wee for ages but always knew it wasn't quite right and made me feel utterly fucking minging. + +I've spoken to enough friends to know that this isn't an unusual occurrence. It's not an anomaly. It's not unusual. + +And yes, I am hoping someone completed the lyrics, just to alleviate the depressing tone! Go!",,27,Willswoo,1705100160.0 +Feminism,194ksyr,"Rape is just another category on websites that host porn and something needs to actually be done to stop it. To say that rape is a ""niche"" topic in porn is greatly underestimating how popular it actually is. I am not kidding with this: we need to fight to have this content restricted.","&#x200B; + +[Recent searches pulled from a random website that focuses solely on this category of pornography. I will not disclose the website. ](https://preview.redd.it/sikcltcgexbc1.png?width=1086&format=png&auto=webp&s=1ee3f6c7efea3dd8420f899c5281ff40ac499457) + +I truly feel this effort needs to extend past internet activism, but I do believe that the internet can be a great tool to fight off this problem. If anyone is actually interested in helping fight this problem please give suggestions and or message me.",,623,Slow-Panda-2209,1705029215.0 +Feminism,194nz2u,The way media is talking about a woman who was killed by her husband is just not okay,"[This Instagram post](https://www.instagram.com/p/C1m4hfsISV5/?igsh=NzBnempjYmc3bHd6) shows it really well. Here’s a bit of background and a rant: + +Melissa Hoskins was an Australian cyclist. She was a three-time Women’s Down Under champion and came 4th in the 2012 Olympics. On December 30, she was run over by a car in her driveway and died. That’s where most headlines end, but they leave out the fact it was *her husband* (also a champion cyclist) who hit her. He’s been charged with causing death by dangerous driving, driving without due care and endangering life. He was granted bail and will face court in March. There’s not many details about what happened yet, but I can’t imagine him being charged with those offences if it was an innocent, freak accident (of course innocent until proven guilty). Her name is often left out of headlines, only being referred to as “his wife”. At least his Wikipedia page details what happened and what he’s been charged with right under his bio. But on her page, it only says he was “allegedly” driving the car, even though it’s a fact. + +I was just watching ABC News, which is generally pretty good with this kind of thing, so I’m quite disappointed with them. They had a story about the Down Under Tour holding a minute’s silence for her before stage 1 began. *Not once* was it mentioned how she died. + +I recognise she shouldn’t be reduced to a woman who was killed by her husband, but the fact it was her husband and not just a stranger is important. The incident is often described as just a ""car crash"", which makes it sound like she was hit in the street, or in an actual accident while driving. The offences he’s been charged with are rarely mentioned in headlines, only saying he is accused of “killing” her. + +Some highlights for those who don’t have Instagram: + +“Former cyclist world champion charged over wife’s death” + +“World champion cyclist Rohan Dennis has been arrested accused of killing is *own* wife” (emphasis added by me) + +“Aussie cycling star Rohan Dennis charged over wife’s death” + +“Renowned professional cyclist Rohan Dennis has been arrested in Adelaide, accused of hitting his wife with his car” + +“Two-time Olympic cyclist dies at 32 after being hit by car” + +Sigh. + +EDIT for updated details: + +“According to the publication, it was around 8pm under clear skies when Hoskins jumped onto the bonnet of the ute and tried to grab the door handle in an attempt to stop the vehicle. Dennis allegedly continued to drive until his wife fell off the ute. She was allegedly dragged some way down the road, the publication reports.”Apparently it was caught on a neighbour’s CCTV camera. They were meant to go to a street Christmas party before it happened but didn’t show up. + +I found an example of, IMO, how headlines should be written. Of all places, it was Bicycling.com. “Former Olympian Melissa Hoskins Was Killed in a Crash. Her Husband, Rohan Dennis, Has Been Charged” She’s mentioned first with her accomplishments, and he’s just the spouse this time. + +Melissa became the *63rd* woman killed in an alleged violent incident in Australia last year, which is 1 every 5.7 days. In October, 6 women were killed in 10 days, with 5 allegedly by violence from men. We need to get our shit together as a country and start to realise that, *shock horror*, women are human beings who deserve to be safe. ",,302,SubstantialTone4477,1705039521.0 +Feminism,194ciuy,"""you will die alone with cats""","It's so funny to me, how most men get mad about the fact that some women don't want to be mothers or have a husband. ""you're a woman you have to"" no i dont. Women are not just here to give birth and I think it's so embarrassing to think, that's the only purpose we have in life. It just shows how miserable they really are and probably regret a lot of things. + +I'm so happy everyone can decide to their own what they want in life wether that is to have a family or cats. + +And let's be honest here what's so bad about living alone with cats? sounds fun to me.",https://i.redd.it/fi0dehsxlvbc1.png,1475,hello_kitty4e,1705007251.0 +Feminism,194l5p3,I hate having to leave my room as a woman,"*Warning: I wanted to rant abt this but I wasn’t sure what sub to put this in, so I may be in the wrong place* + +I recently moved to a new area by myself for school, and over the past couple of months, I’ve had way too many unwanted experiences with men. I started an new job not even two months ago and there are two guys who constantly stare at me and follow me around the store. I also have to take public transportation to get there, and I’ve had multiple instances men staring at me, trying to talk to me, and even trying to touch me (there’s also been one man on the bus who’s been stalking me). + +I know I’m definitely not the first person to experience this, but I’m so tired of living in fear everyday bc of things like this. I feel humiliated all the time and I’m not sure what to do about it. + +Edit: I originally posted this just to vent as most people I had confided in beforehand didn’t take me seriously. Needless to say, I was a little shocked at the amount of upvotes and kind comments I saw once I returned to this post. Thank you to everyone who commented advice and were able to empathize with me. It makes me feel a lot less alone in my frustration about this. :))",,70,Accomplished-Ad503,1705030323.0 +Feminism,194ko3q,"St. Paul makes history with all-female city council, a rarity among large US cities",,https://apnews.com/article/all-female-city-council-st-paul-minnesota-63e1ae6fbe281d0965e3fcd15723b6cd,54,BlankVerse,1705028795.0 +Feminism,1947og1,Trump Says He’s ‘Proud’ to Have ‘Terminated’ Abortion Rights,,https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-says-proud-killed-abortion-rights-fox-town-hall-1234944546/,264,Professional_Suit270,1704995303.0 +Feminism,19463gw,I'm so sick of how common mysogyny is,"I don't have that much experience, I'm just 18, but I've been in this world long enough to see things that are subtle and no one cares. Well, barely anyone, there are some people. But it's not discussed, it's just the reality. + +Because why would society want to change the fact that girls have to be careful their whole life's huh? Why would they care that you always have to go home with your friends to avoid creeps. Why would they care that old weird men talk to us on the streets, while we're minding our own business, no matter our age. Why would they care about our feelings? Why would they care that we're more than our sexual organs? Why would they care about us at all? + +I'm just so sick of the fact that men shit on our heads all the time for everything. I'm not talking about the good people, I know there are actually kind guys and men and I'm very glad for that. Though it seems a bit like something everyone should do, you know? Treat people with respect. I am also very aware that women can be as bad as men and it's awful. But we as a world still have a big issue. I'm just so tired and sick of the remarks, of husbands leaving everything to their wife's, of little girls getting harassed, of women getting harassed like it's nothing. I'm not even talking about the real crimes yet. I'm talking about everyday situations.",,296,I_Want_A_Cat_,1704991493.0 +Feminism,194exoc,Brittany Watts was not charged by Grand Jury - but the damage has already been done,"It's good news that a grand jury in Ohio chose to NOT charge Brittany Watts over the ridiculous claim that by having a miscarriage over a toilet she had ""abused a corpse."" + +But we can't say all is well with that end to the witch hunt in Ohio. The reality is that this young woman may suffer from anxiety and mental health issues for a long time because her personal trauma was publicized in a horrible way to her community and to the world. Even on social media sites that are usually friendly to women experiencing miscarriages, there were some who posted criticism for how she left the hospital (after waiting 8 hours while the religious hospital's staff and attorneys debated whether they should save her life even when the miscarriage ensured no live birth was possible). + +I know someone who was wrongfully arrested and later the charges were dropped. But her life changed forever. She dropped out of all social activity in her neighborhood; she would pull over her car and have a panic attack whenever she saw police cars on the road; she faced shaming and humiliation from people she once trusted -- all based on their lack of compassion and understanding. AND - like Brittany - she hadn't done ANYTHING wrong or illegal. But being seen on TV in handcuffs will make some people forever certain that you are a bad person. + +So, let's each do our best to help the lawyers who represent women like Brittany and to elect ONLY public officials and prosecutors who support human rights and women's rights. + +[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/11/us/brittany-watts-ohio-miscarriage.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/11/us/brittany-watts-ohio-miscarriage.html)",,52,Entire-Ad2551,1705013211.0 +Feminism,193zrfo,Why is commitment a priorty for women but not men?,"With the news about “male loneliness” and single-childless women being happier, why does commitment seem to be something women crave much more than men? Married men are in better health and make more money than single men; it is the opposite for women, of course. If men benefit from the institution of marriage and family, why do they run from it? Most importantly, if those same institutions are less beneficial for women, why run toward it? Is it an age-old “reverse psychology” trick?",,229,Large_Raspberry5252,1704973318.0 +Feminism,1940sl3,"I don't get misogynist men, is this really what they want?","So I'm trying to understand their perspective (even though their perspective is bullshit and doesn't matter but ""know your enemy"" and whatnot) So they want power. They want to make sure they always have as much power as they can get and keep us as weak as possible. And then what? Why would anyone prefer a meek, diffident helpless womanchild over someone they can admire and befriend? Like a warrior queen who can drink her weight of ales after a good battle, a creative artist who wins awards, a CEO who orders you around but also makes you better at your job, a gruff and tough sailor who is surprisingly gentle with the city boy who fell for her, a life of the party surfer who makes you wet your pants with laughter with her weird jokes, a full-time worker who is also an amazing mother, a lawyer who you always go to for advice cause she's a problem-solver and you smile and roll your eyes when she's being a cocky know it all but damn she's cool, a confident businesswoman that turns your legs into jelly with one smile, a computer nerd who you need when your laptop starts glitching, a bookworm who reads and knows a lot more than you do, a woman who can burp the entire alphabet when he can only do a few letters, or any woman who is happy, confident, powerful and not ""less than"". So what, do they really just want us to be silent, apathetic, weak ragdolls with a fake smile and 3 holes to fuck? Always put upon, always sad, powerless, faking happiness, faking pleasure, hiding pain, insecure, incompetent, clumsy, childish, stupid, needy, confused, beaten up, raped doormats with severe Stockholm syndrome?! How can anyone want that, how can anyone be excited or turned on by someone like that? I mean, of course woman want equality, but why the hell don't men want it as much? Why would they want to spend time with people they consider less than themselves? + +Ughhh its just so frustrating and disgusting everything I've been reading online lately, I needed to rant. I can't believe I used to think I loved men when I was a kid, and after that I always described myself as a feminist but still didn't know how bad it was and thought men were alright cause the notion of gender didn't mean much to me, just a made-up thing to try to categorize some differences when everyone was actually pretty similar mentally, emotionally, morally, etc. regardless of gender. But after reading all these awful things lately, and realising the patriarchal bullshit that resided in my own subconscious, I'm starting to hate the lot of them and I have rumination OCD so I can't think about anything else lately. Can anyone suggest a movie or a book that have feminist male characters cause I am short of those in real life and I really need to restore my faith in humanity again... + +Sorry if this is not appropriate, first time posting, second language and all that. + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B;",,188,elunewell,1704976824.0 +Feminism,1944jnx,Race Team Would Rather Create A Fake AI Woman Rather Than Hire A Real One,,https://autos.yahoo.com/race-team-creates-fake-ai-145000658.html,42,ClaireDacloush,1704987513.0 +Feminism,193d6r4,"Girls mature faster, so…",Credit to @Lainey.Molnar on Instagram,https://i.redd.it/zmqtz54v9nbc1.jpeg,1627,Shea_Scarlet,1704906336.0 +Feminism,193vomx,Comedian Roasts Fox News After Her 'Feminism' Joke Goes Way Over Their Heads,,https://www.huffpost.com/entry/los-angeles-comedian-roasts-fox-news-tiktok-feminism-joke_n_659edc53e4b0712b12c35e97,54,BurtonDesque,1704956841.0 +Feminism,1944ypp,Do you think that grammatical gender affects the way people think?,"At least if they are referred to as masculine and feminine, not common and neutral like het vs de in Dutch. + +English people often call ships she for some reason. ",,7,Awesomeuser90,1704988625.0 +Feminism,193ffdr,i cannot handle republicans,"posting this to reddit because i need to let out some of my thoughts. I geniunely have no idea how to navigate through a world where there are so many conservatives who are so unaware of the reality of the world right now. I have so many strong views of the world that it is ruining my life and causing me to be depressed and overwhelmed. For example, today my english teacher made our class sit and watch this debate class that was happening in the library. The topic was “do you think women face more social pressure and oppression than men? ironically the table that was standing up for women was 3 men, and the table taking the men’s side were 3 women. After one of the men gave a speech about how women are socially pressured to look a certain way, one of the women came up and started going off about how men suffer more than women in this society. her reasoning was that men have worse mental health, and then she began talking about how it was “unfair on men that they should have to protect us”. she said that society expects men to be strong and protect us and that it isn’t fair to them. i was so overwhelmed with emotion i had to get up and leave. i’m not even going to explain why this is wrong but i don’t even how to process how so many women could take this position and i feel so helpless. The only reason society expects this of men is because men are the ones to CAUSE DANGER?",,214,Dry_Benefit_1163,1704911725.0 +Feminism,1939j1f,"Do pregnant women have a right to urgent medical care? No, according to a US court | Moira Donegan",,https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/jan/10/pregnant-women-urgent-medical-care-us-court-texas,392,AlysonBurgers,1704896958.0 +Feminism,1946f5z,Looking for material for group discussions on equality,"Hi /r/Feminism ! I'm currently a student at a type of boarding school that teaches in a number of different disciplines. My year is unfortunately very unevenly divided between genders with a distribution of approximately 4:1 in favor of men. Quite a few students agree that both the institution and us students could do more work to educate ourselves and eachother on the problems of gender inequality. + +All the men in our department meets regularly in small groups to have ""men's dinner"", which is an online format of discussion points about men's mental health, how we deal with relationships and interact with other people. The format could be described like this: the participants are divided into random groups of about 4-7 people. They sit down, pick one of the topics from the website which contain questions for group discussion. A few examples of topics are love, friendship, fragility and ego. The participants in the group take turns answering the current question (if they feel comfortable) and the discussion goes on for something like 1,5 hours. + +The reason that the format is succesfull is in party due to the nature of the questions: they go from answerable with yes/no to more in depth prompts for discussion, but they remain connected to the current topic. The format also has the advantage of being accessible to anyone instantly without previous knowledge on theory of any kind. + +&nbsp; + +We, the students, have discussed using this meeting routine to discuss gender equality in addition to men's dinner. Does anyone know of any similar resources that deal with gender equality? + +&nbsp; + +Many who participate in the meetings already like the concept, and I personally thinks it brings us closer together in a way that can be difficult, epecially for men sometimes. I suppose the purpose of future discussions on gender equality, where everyone of any gender identity would be invited, would be both to illuminate and adress problems at our institution and in society in general, and also give the opportunity for us to speak together in a safe environment ""with our guards down"" in a way. It being a nice experience is a high priority - it's about teaching and discussing, not about placing blame on individuals. + +&nbsp; + +Thanks in advance! And English is not my first language blah blah, yeah. Thanks!",,4,Froggietwofrog,1704992296.0 +Feminism,193cclk,"Is there such a thing as, like, kink bombardment or something?","Hey all— + +I (25F) had an experience on Sunday that made me think about the dynamics around some of this kinky stuff guys are increasingly getting exposed to. I was on a first date and I didn’t originally plan on sleeping with him but it happened. I definitely consented, but it wasn’t fun. + +I’ve had this experience many times now, where I am in bed with someone I don’t know too well, and they start from the assumption that I share their kinks, shifting the burden onto me to clarify what I don’t like instead of asking before. He slapped me, for example, and called me names I’m not comfortable with. He choked me so hard my neck was sore still yesterday on Tuesday and my vagina is still sore today on Wednesday. It was all happening in such quick succession that I could only call attention to one thing at a time. + +It seems like these guys will just throw the whole book of aggressive rough sex at you at once. I’ve never had someone ask to slap me, they always just do it. And then I’m stuck having to fight against the voice in my head that goes “you’re asking for too much, you’re ruining his fun, you’re being too prudish” because I still have that deep ingrained thing in me that makes me protect men’s egos at all costs. If I wanted sex that was good for me, I would have had to stop him every five seconds and correct like three things at a time. It just didn’t feel worth it, knowing I would just come off critical and particular. + +I also have a lot of sexual trauma, like many women, that leads me to consistently feel like my wants and feelings are inherently suspicious while others’ should be accepted as the default. It feels like asking for too much to ask for anything, to the extent that this Sunday was still a major progression from previous sex in terms of my ability to set boundaries. But even at my best, most confident version of me so far, I still couldn’t keep up with the barrage of kinks. Has anyone else experienced this? Is there a word for it?",,164,BetterThan40,1704904284.0 +Feminism,1935f6z,“Girls can’t have conversations like me and the boys do.”,"My brother said this too me while we were driving to our family vacation literal months ago and it’s still stuck in my head. + +While I can’t remember the exact words he used, he was saying that he believed that “females” could only talk about ‘girly things’ such as boys and shopping, and couldn’t have the deep conversation that he has with his male friends, and that was one of his primary reasons for not having any girl friends. + +When I tried to tell him how ridiculous that was, thinking women couldn’t have deep conversations simply because of our gender, he just stayed stubborn and said he’d only ever heard girls talk about shallow things. + +My brother turned 20 a few months ago, and over the course of a few years I’ve watched him because more and more sexist (among other hateful things) and it truly hurts. Hearing him say women use the ‘rape card’ whenever they don’t get their way cut deep, especially as a victim of rape, although he doesn’t know that. + +I just can’t find where my brother who has two friends, barely showers or brushes his teeth, is a failed sneaker head and had a bag of moldy bread in his room for almost an entire week finds the audacity to believe women can’t be their own beings, and have deep conversations and exist outside of a man’s perspective. Like what??? + +Men continue to amaze me.",,319,Notyou3333,1704883179.0 +Feminism,194l91g,F 18 and M 24: My boyfriend just admitted to me that he wants to use me as a sexual object.,"My boyfriend just admitted to me that he wants to use me as a sexual object. But I love the idea of it happening. He is really respectful, and has treated me well from square one. Does this make me a bad feminist?",,0,gutenhundin,1705030624.0 +Feminism,193j777,"The price of war for women: new roles, emerging challenges",,https://commons.com.ua/en/cina-vijni-dlya-zhinok/,14,uanar,1704920835.0 +Feminism,193bri4,Race Team Creates A Fake AI Woman Rather Than Hire A Real One,,https://jalopnik.com/motorsport-team-would-rather-just-hire-an-ai-woman-than-1851155004,32,steen311,1704902784.0 +Feminism,192zzd0,Men sometimes istg 😭,,https://i.redd.it/c18yvu0tmjbc1.png,252,ImTheReallyCoolOne,1704862291.0 +Feminism,1931dug,"Welp - this is our ""progress."" Kids raping kids...","https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/jan/10/children-now-biggest-perpetrators-of-sexual-abuse-against-children + +This really scares me....",,161,mylifewillchange,1704866842.0 +Feminism,192wmd0,“I hang out with guys because they’re less drama”,"One time my roommate told our guy friend’s gf about the degrading things he was saying about her to our friends. He found out and kept my roommate out of all group plans for two weeks. We started planning girls nights within the friendgroup and he would bombard our groupchat with accusatory/ demeaning spam to pick fights. + +Another time we had a guy friend boast in our groupchat about a girl leaving her number on his car. Everyone including his girlfriend was in there. When she got upset and reacted he called her crazy, dramatic, and every other name you can imagine. + +I had a guy friend get upset with me for pointing out his abusive behavior to his girlfriend. He told me “you’re the reason your moms in the hospital.” My mom was getting a face lift. + +The first time I noticed a mans abusive behaviors towards a friend, I privately messaged him explaining how it was drastically impacting/ affecting her and how hurt I felt for her. He informed me he would be ending his life because I “made him see how bad a person he was” and said if I told anyone, he would send my message to my friend and ruin our relationship. I called the police and he was baker acted, then went on to blame the entire thing on me to my friend and told her to cut me off. She did, and he broke up with her shortly after. + +One time I agreed to drive my boyfriend, now ex, to the doctor and asked him to look up the building to make sure it was open, since the previous two times I drove him there they were closed. He ended up punching the wall next to my head and screaming in my face. + +I once had a guy friend tell me and my roommate to get raped. We told his girlfriend and he retaliated by saying if she was going to “believe these trashy whores then we shouldn’t be together.” This was in a groupchat (that I added him to) of my close friends (that I introduced him to). + +Never in my life have I had worse drama with my girl friends than when men were involved in the group/ our lives. I’m so tired of hearing that girls are dramatic/ sensitive for expressing their emotions when men more commonly act on them IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE!!!",,206,makko007,1704852107.0 +Feminism,19304y4,What's radfems take on Onlyfans?,Ik radfems oppose porn and sex-work because they are inherently exploitative. They think sex work is fueled by patriarchy therefore women are victims of it & porn shouldn't be promoted (unlike libfems who view those empowering & believe modifying your body in ways you like is based and freedom pilled). I haven't seen radfems talking about OF though. Do they see it as a form of pornification? Or since pimping is absent & women independently share content that diminishes the exploitation aspect?,,76,quizzicalist,1704862797.0 +Feminism,192hboq,The Chinese government is trying to rebrand forced sterilization as feminism | Arwa Mahdawi,,https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/jan/09/china-forced-sterilizations-feminist-rebrand,29,strong-Koala-1010,1704814309.0 +Feminism,191zhub,My husband (32M) took down my (33F) pride flag.,"So my husband (32M) and I (33F) have been together almost 16 years, and have been married for almost 5 years. When we started dating and throughout most of our relationship we have both been on the same page with our core beliefs and political views. + +That all changed in 2020 when Trump was running for president. It was like a switch flipped and all of the sudden my husband started making anti-trans comments, antiabortion comments, and other comments that completely go against what we had agreed we believed in for all these years. + +For example: I put up a rainbow welcome sign by our front gate that said ""All are welcome here"". I had noticed a neighbor had a pride flag and I wished to show that we support them. +But he said he wasn't comfortable having the sign and removed it. I do understand that we live in a small town in the South, but you couldn't see the flag from the road. Our front gate is a few acres back from the road. + +I am extremely uncomfortable with his hateful views toward other humans. Especially because we have a young son together and I am terrified that he is going to impress his intolerant views on our sweet son. And I don't feel he respects me as a woman. + +I have tried talking to him about it and he just says that his views have changed. Ugh I don't know what to do and needed to vent. I feel like the toxic comments he makes are pushing me further and further away from him. + +#feminist #vent #tolerance",,330,BaitAndSwitched11,1704756360.0 +Feminism,191llqw,Feminism and Dual Unpaid Labor in traditional Culture.,"Liberal feminism's call for rights within the system is crucial, but in traditional cultures, achieving these rights without addressing barriers leads to dual unpaid labor for women. +Empowerment for women shouldn't solely focus on workplace participation. It must encompass a holistic approach that considers societal expectations beyond employment. +Often, discussions about women's rights overlook the underlying exploitation and oppression they face in carrying the burden of household responsibilities alongside their careers. +In traditional societies,, women are expected to manage households, raise children, and even when they work, these responsibilities remain. Their earned income is often controlled by male family members, making them dual unpaid labors. +The vulnerability of women in third world countries, for example, Baloch and Pashtun women, is multifaceted. They face oppression from state, religious extremism, tribalism, and patriarchy, layered and complex. +Recognizing the intersectionality of oppression and problems faced by women is vital. Their struggles encompass various layers - societal, cultural, religious, and systemic. +Improvement in women's conditions demands addressing these complex factors. Without addressing the layered vulnerabilities and intersecting oppressions, progress will remain challenging.",https://i.redd.it/dvcm3i9s08bc1.jpeg,1562,mirwaiskk12,1704721680.0 +Feminism,191tzvq,Men are hitting on my scheduling bot because it has a woman's name,,https://www.askamanager.org/2024/01/men-are-hitting-on-my-scheduling-bot-because-it-has-a-womans-name.html,398,katespadesaturday,1704743145.0 +Feminism,192z1q1,"Lost tiktok, help me find It, plz","Was a husband saying his wife forgot tu Buy a can of some food, and he, decided not to buying, so she will remember. Something like.that. please :(",,0,sofiamm23,1704859350.0 +Feminism,191waye,"In his bid for U.S. Senate to unseat Ted Cruz in Texas, Democrat Colin Allred says he expects abortion rights issue to motivate voters",,https://www.khou.com/article/news/politics/inside-politics/texas-politics/in-bid-for-us-senate-democrat-colin-allred-says-he-expects-abortion-rights-issue-to-motivate-voters/287-47836750-e5d4-4008-9826-243cc89dcca9,278,audiomuse1,1704748619.0 +Feminism,191v96h,Rightfully pointing out we live in a patriarchy society and that baby girls are and have been systematically subject to extreme misogyny (including abandonment and death) makes ME the sexist one ??,"I posted in another subreddit mainly frequented by women about babies/pregnancy how men being disappointed in not having sons cannot remotely be compared to women disappointed in not having daughters because of historical and widespread misogyny in our patriarchal society and I’M the one being called sexist ?? + +My full post: + +It’s a false equivalence to pretend that the two are remotely the same. Women that are disappointed to not be having a daughter are usually experiencing it for harmless reasons or reasons that make sense, such as from genuine bad past experiences with men (I have been a victim of SA and DV exclusively from men for example and have a rightful twinge of fear of raising a boy in a patriarchal society), whereas men who are disappointed to not be having a daughter are experiencing it for misogynistic reasons (stupid reasons such as their “legacy”, belief in strict gender roles, and genuinely thinking boys are superior to girls). You never see moms throwing a public tantrum when the gender reveal is blue, whereas men will throw the most public and immature tantrums when it’s pink. + +Men are so spoiled and coddled that they think they even have the right to be disappointed when they literally contribute nothing to the physical and mental load of pregnancy and childbirth. They should be grateful a woman is even bearing them a child. Clearly they aren’t because even though the default is the baby (girl or boy) gets their name it’s still not good enough for them. At least when a woman is disappointed she is the one actually bearing the child the whole time. And mothers end up being the default parent 99% of the time (its called “deadbeat father” for a reason) so even if they are initially disappointed, they end up doing all the care anyway regardless of the gender of the baby. + +Only one gender has systemically throughout history been subject to widespread killings and abandonment, and it’s not baby boys. This goes across all cultures throughout history. To pretend that a mother disappointed in not having a daughter is the same as a father not having a son is ignorant and living in a fantasy land. + +I also hate how the ‘solution’ to men being disappointed in their baby girls is to already force the unborn baby girl to cater to the father, such as ‘she can still go fishing/play sports/do ‘manly’ things with you’. SHE is the BABY/CHILD, why does she have to change to cater to the father and he won’t even consider catering to his baby? What makes his interests so special? And yet a ‘boy mom’ will proudly uproot her whole life around her son’s hobbies (soccer mom etc), and never expect her son to care about or share in her interests. + +I’ve had so many sexist, disappointing comments from people once they found out my baby is a girl, men and women included, across all generations. This includes a pervasive belief that baby boys are more special because they are ‘harder’ to get (it’s 50/50, that made me realise it’s the misogynistic belief in practice that when women make up just 14% or something of a crowd they’re seen as the majority because men are the default gender), teenage girls being demonised when it’s teen boys that commit crimes, are vandals and much worse in packs, baby boys “love their mother more”, that my husband is some how unlucky to be having a daughter, that it’s my fault we are having a girl (when men provide the other chromosome), and in their actions, including pressuring me to have another when I’ve not even birthed the first one and I am one and done, not acting excited by the gender, etc. Women still have so much internalised misogyny too that they don’t even realise it. The sexist passive aggressive comments have really impacted my mental health this pregnancy.",,262,BiscuitWoof,1704746097.0 +Feminism,1927nlp,When was the moment you realized you needed to be a feminist?,"Hey everyone! I'm a man so this isn't my space. But I'm a writer and I'm doing research for my screenplay. It's a romantic comedy. The female lead is a feminist and there's a touch of social commentary within the film. I'm aiming for authenticity. I've already taken boatloads of notes (""binders full of women"" as Mitt Romney put it) but I'd like to understand why feminism resonated with you personally. When was the moment when you realized you *had* to be a feminist? Did you witness or experience an injustice? Or was your awakening triggered by something else? + + ",,41,Illmatic1990,1704779900.0 +Feminism,191c54f,Every woman in America must vote with this in mind,,https://i.redd.it/1s792119l3bc1.png,1087,thegreatreality00,1704687087.0 +Feminism,191pl1u,Viewers Furious After Golden Globes Host Jo Koy Jokes 'Barbie' Was A Movie About A 'Plastic Doll With Big Boobs',,https://vt.co/entertainment/golden-globes-host-jo-koy-barbie-joke,55,VT-Guide,1704732501.0 +Feminism,191k8kc,Kids,"I'm 32. Most my friends have kids. Now all the older adults (parents of friends or friends of parents) ask me if I want kids, or why I don't have kids. Sometimes, I feel like the only thing I amount to is what I can reproduce. I don't have a desire to have kids. I imagine these kinds of pressures and questions will only get worse as I age.",,62,Throwupacct7777777,1704717287.0 +Feminism,191b9mz,Is there an effective way to educate my boyfriend on Feminism?,"I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 and a half months, and I’ve just noticed for a while that he seemingly hates women. I cannot think of a time where he said something nice about a woman. I’ll show him women sometimes (I think the ones I can remember are Cher, Alex Consani, and one of my college friends) and the first thing out of his mouth every time was “She’s ugly”. When we were in an argument recently he expressed that he doesn’t like that I talk with my friends about our problems because “A group chat full of women isn’t going to produce anything but negativity”. I brought it up to him in a discussion post-argument because I didn’t like his opinions on women, especially my friends, and he was kind of like “Well I had this ex that did that and she had some group of women always telling her to break up with me”. He doesn’t even seem to like his mom, but seems to sympathize with his dad who actively cheated on her. It kind of came to a head tonight, we were having a conversation and he said “I have never seen a good movie with a female lead” and I rattled off a number of movies he apparently hasn’t seen and then when I said one he did know he like explained it away like “Midsommar isn’t about just Dani” and “Horror movies don’t count because people don’t want to see horror movies with male protagonists because women are better at being scared”, and I cannot stop thinking about the conversation and the way he acted. With all this being said, he really hates incels, like to the core. He’s very adamant about how he thinks that Andrew Tate is a scourge on men and that toxic masculinity is extremely harmful and that he wouldn’t subscribe to that kind of behavior so I’m just finding it difficult to discern if he understands the impact of his behavior and how it actually reflects on him. I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s been really sweet and thoughtful, but I’m also not interested in pursuing a relationship with a man who hates women. I’m obviously willing to help him understand why what he’s saying is harmful, but is there even an effective way to do that? + +EDIT: ok I like logged out and came back to this. For the purpose of those asking for context of any kind, we’re both 19. I am in college, He is in paramedic school. I met him on a dating app and we went on a date in mid-late October. At the time I was very busy, I have a demanding career and I think we went on maybe 1-2 more dates in the span of the next month or so. Then things started to get kind of messy for me, I had a lot of problems come up. My car broke down and then I got really sick for a few days and then I ran into some financial problems and I fell into a deep depression due to burnout and some other factors. This guy was there for basically all of it. He drove me an hour to work and back for 2 days while my car was in the shop, he came and took care of me when I was sick, I had a big meltdown in his car and he encouraged me to seek help. He took me to be admitted to an inpatient facility for a few days, and he would call me 3 times a day and he took off work to collect my things to send me in the hospital. We haven’t done anything past kissing yet, I’ve got some past trauma with it, and I told him it probably wouldn’t be in the cards for a while, which he’s been very respectful of. The hang-up I’m having is that he’s clearly capable of empathy and thoughtfulness, and I don’t think of him to be a stupid person, but if he is those things then he should be able to see how harmful his words are, right? The only logical conclusion I can draw is that he doesn’t see me as a woman or something? + +Our argument was arguably my fault. I’ve got serious commitment issues, and it kind of started out as a “What are we?” Conversation. I admittedly said some harsh things about my expectations of him and he was hurt. The entire thing boiled down to “I don’t understand why you’re doing this if you’re not actually optimistic about it”, because at the time I wasn’t. + +For those of you telling me to break it off. Honestly that’s probably my best course of action. Especially with the way that he talks about other women. Even if it’s not directed towards me, I don’t want to put him in the vicinity of other women that I’m close to, because he clearly doesn’t know how to treat them.",,147,Unusual_Point1785,1704684373.0 +Feminism,1916f2a,20 Most Feminist Countries in the World,"I take statistics with a big grain of salt but this article looks interesting. The 20-6 are listed in this article above, but the top five are listed in an [annoying article](https://www.insidermonkey.com/blog/5-most-feminist-countries-in-the-world-1194635/?singlepage=1), so here’s the top five: 5) Netherlands 4) Denmark 3) Norway 2) New Zealand 1) Sweden",https://finance.yahoo.com/news/20-most-feminist-countries-world-185531188.html,168,rswoodr,1704670974.0 +Feminism,1922aq4,What do I do,"As a woman I often do not get along with women too well. It’s probably my social skills, but a lot of the times I get the sense that it is because of jealousy over boys or other things. Even if I rarely even interacted with a boy. If I try to talk to one and show my personality a bit they almost look at me with a scrunched up face or a disgusted one. I constantly make an effort to be a feminist and to never ruin the efforts and look down on the accomplishments of another woman. I also try to subdue any jealousies I have. But it does not work and people continue to be this way. Why is it that women can not get along. Can’t they see that the men turn us against each other. Isn’t there something wrong if a woman has to sacrifice being herself or doing normal things such as getting up from a chair in order to not be a threat or be looked at in a sexual way? + +Ps: I’m in high school so that might also be part of it, but I have had this experience with most of the female adults in my life as well.",,1,Jocalderonie,1704763818.0 +Feminism,19171oh,How do you cope with sexism in anime/media?,"As I get older, I find myself becoming more angry about the choices people make and the content they consume. I’ve always considered myself alternative and hang around a lot in gaming / cosplay spaces, but I could never really get into watching anime. I never liked it because of its rampant sexism and fanservice and it’s enough for me not to read/comsume it. I know a lot of women enjoy the genre, even the more problematic ones. I haven’t had to really encounter it until my new friends and partner openly enjoy the genre and don’t enjoy much else. I’ve given it plenty of chances but it takes me out when something is so blatant and egregious. I’ve brought up my concerns to my partner and while they recognize and call out the problematic elements, the rest of the conversation just boils down to “I like the genre and there’s not much you can do about it”. + + I just feel like with the prevalence of it now, we’ve taken so many steps back. Like 90% of the stuff that happens in anime wouldn’t be able to pass now in your average TV show, and it feels like everyone is ignoring it. Even other feminists enjoy the genre and I simply can’t. I feel like I’m going crazy and either I need to cut everyone off and start new or find a way to cope. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. + + +I know all media has its problematic elements, in which I ask how do you all cope? I watch things for escapism, and then I’m reminded of my place and how I’m perceived in the world and I can’t actually escape. + + I imagine a happier life where I don’t have to interact with this at all.",,88,Ok-Celebration-2698,1704672588.0 +Feminism,190rf01,"I’ve been a feminis for a year now, but everyone around me say that I shouldn’t be too vocal or else I wouldn’t get married",I’m from a developing country and as you know not everyone is aware about the condition. they say (even women) that my ideology is just too far. on the other hand I want to get married but I realize that many guy do not want to be with someone who are too loud about women right. how do I cope with these dual feeling? I just cannot give up with all women right be wronged and even majority of women from my country are fine with this condition,,183,Inevitable-Tea9649,1704631658.0 +Feminism,190hj8w,"An Iranian woman, Roya heshmati was sentenced to 74 lashes for wearing skirt, she wrote this testimony after the sentence was carried it out two days ago (read the comments)",,https://i.redd.it/zmklitxv5tac1.jpeg,1140,wtfiswrongwiithme,1704595277.0 +Feminism,190jyjx,"""Take your Quran and whip me, I am not going to cover my hair"" Roya Heshamti was whipped 74 times for sharing the following photo, she refused to cover her hair even when they were whipping her.",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/190jvki,340,Shekari_Club,1704602841.0 +Feminism,190sdcs,"Women in video games done right… well, not for my cousin!","My cousin’s 15 and he still gets bored by a video game when he *has to play a female character.* He visibly dislikes having to do it. + +I watched him play The Last of Us and he actually sighed when control switched to *Ellie* from *Joel.* Why??? You’re still shooting zombies, still stabbing bad guys, nothing changed with the mechanics of the game! It’s just that now you’re playing a girl! + +I’’ll ask him to explain why he doesn’t like playing women characters and he literally can’t. He just shrugs and says, “I don’t know. I just don’t like it as much, I guess.” So frustrating to me. + +Not to mention when he let me play Uncharted 4 on his PS5 and he proceeded to mansplain the controls to me even though I told him I already played 1, 2, and 3. He also tried to correct my interpretation of the story after he *told me he was confused* and I started filling in gaps for him from those three earlier installments he never played or watched. Sigh. I’ve never been able to hang out with him for longer than 10 minutes.",,52,culpadasfeiticeiras,1704634807.0 +Feminism,190l5op,What's the prime mover of female oppression?,"Recently I've read an old paper called [Hands, Tools and Weapons](https://redsails.org/hands-tools-weapons/), which I highly recommend. Friedrich Engels assigns the origin of patriarchy to the emergence of private property and class society and it seems like it's been an orthodox position even since. We've all heard about comparative gender equality in 'primitive' societies, right? + +Well, in this paper a material feminist Paola Tabet meticulously catalogues labour practices of a whole bunch of hunter-gatherer and other pre-civilization societies and concludes that more often than women in those societies are prohibited from using the most advanced tools and weapons available, making the women dependent on men and relegated to the most tedious and tiring work. + +What's curious is that the author leaves and open questions on how this first happening and why it kept happening. If this is a consistent pattern among all those people isolated from each other for millennia it seems prudent to assume it has deeper roots than mere happenstance. Maybe even a connection with childbirth, child rearing or just physical prowess? What do you guys think? Is there's a good paper on the topic I should read?",,187,PTI_brabanson,1704606664.0 +Feminism,190mclv,Choosing to go grey naturally,"I'm on my early 40s, and have been going grey for 20 years. Sparsely at first, but more rapidly in the last 5 or so years. I've committed to not coloring my hair because I think it BS that women feel obligated to cover signs of aging, including grey hair. Usually I'm fine with this, but I find that as I progress in my career and my hair continues to become more and more grey, I worry about how I am perceived by others and how ""old"" I look because of my hair (combined with my refusal to partake in many beauty regimens like botox, heavy makeup, etc.). + +How do you stay on the course and not allow yourself to give in to traditional beauty norms? I don't usually worry about this kind of thing, but every once in a while I second guess my choices. I haven't received any comments regarding my hair or appearance, but I see literally everyone around me in their 40s and earlier dyeing their hair, getting surgery or injections, etc., and I struggle with comparing myself to them. Any advice?",,99,saltandvinegar935,1704610951.0 +Feminism,190haon,Cried while debating about feminism,"(First post in this topic, I hope it will suit here) +Tonight, I debated over feminism... Well actually I tried to explain to some guys friends notions related to feminism, like rape culture and objectification of women in our society. I tried my best to explain as best as I can, in the simplest words and especially, having enough empathy and understanding of men's point of view on this kind of subject, so that they could understand why it is ""normal"" for them not to comprehend right away the causes and issues involved + +But their ""questions"" and comments were so judgmental and ignorant that it made me feel like hysterical and extreme, whereas I was calm and patient. I was so pissed, so angry that it made me cry.. A cry of despair , or humiliation, I can't say... +I cried because I felt so hopeless, so dumb and discredited + +Have you lived similar situations? How to prevent them? + +Especially crying of anger",,223,Haloauran,1704594565.0 +Feminism,190k3jf,The GOP Hopes Contraception Can Solve Its Abortion Problem,,https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-gop-hopes-contraception-can-solve-its-abortion-problem,50,Jojuj,1704603280.0 +Feminism,1908sjt,"A woman whose stomach isn’t perfectly flat = pregnant, obviously",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18zyyhs,255,SophiaofPrussia,1704571638.0 +Feminism,1905q1f,Women always had hot flashes at work. Now they’re done hiding menopause,,https://www.latimes.com/business/story/2024-01-05/women-always-had-hot-flashes-at-work-now-theyre-done-hiding-menopause,113,BlankVerse,1704563838.0 +Feminism,18zsn2i,My underarms are fully grown out. I let them loose at the gym today.,"And it felt really, really good. + +When I got there, I told myself that I would find myself a quiet corner or modify so as to not to flash my pits. + +Then I had a thought. Men have never had to give a second thought to rocking up to the gym with hairy anything. Why should I not allow myself the same grace. + +Felt so freeing to deadhang with my wonderfully fluffy pits on display.",,732,gg_capn_crunch,1704519374.0 +Feminism,1906he4,Oscar Pistorius release: A reminder of South Africa's femicide problem,,https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-67873941,54,BurtonDesque,1704565755.0 +Feminism,190bqzl,Support women owned businesses,"I would like to know if there is a platform which only has female own businesses or female freelancers. A platform in which anyone can support talented women, especially those in male dominated industries. +Let me know if this is something that exists.",,26,anamaharaj,1704579210.0 +Feminism,1909t7g,"In order to support female musicians I made an all out female fronted music playlist. If u dig ALternative, Indie, Dream Pop u might dig this. Lets support the artists!!",,https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5rvYF6fSJsBpIpXQOC3sd0?si=dcc8ca40f54644ba,22,Brilliant-Sell-9127,1704574248.0 +Feminism,1900uag,19 Remarkable Female Artists Who Reshaped the Art World,,https://adrianreynolds.ie/female-artists/,36,RenCreativeWorks,1704550414.0 +Feminism,190c89u,Suggestions for a Career Advocating for Neurodiverse/Intellectually Disabled Women,Hello. I hope this is an appropriate sub for this question. I have an undergraduate degree in women’s and gender studies. My career focus right now is on nonprofit work with IDD populations. I would love to go back to school and combine these interests. But I am not sure what sort of career would be best suited for this. I have a few ideas but I would love to hear your suggestions and thoughts. Thank you!,,7,matts-ears,1704580443.0 +Feminism,18zpx93,"Hossein Ronaghi, Iranian activist, has posted a story of a woman who recieved lashes and her resistance for not wearing hijab. I have translated this to the best of my abilities.",,https://i.redd.it/lxxqj7hbriac1.jpeg,192,SabziPoloBaMahee,1704510695.0 +Feminism,18zxwm9,Do you have any book recommendations that dismantle misogyny in our sex culture?,I am new to the topic and haven't found a book that specifically talks about how misogyny in sex culture (and sexual objectification of women in general),,37,Upper_Forever_9530,1704539899.0 +Feminism,18zpthc,Abortion Rally in Minnesota Tomorrow,,https://i.redd.it/15xkhqqikqac1.jpeg,126,LinneyBee,1704510392.0 +Feminism,18zptki,"Iranian Hijab Rebels Whipped, Given Jail Term - if you are a feminist, please tell other people about these brave women",,https://www.iranintl.com/en/202401050537,51,SabziPoloBaMahee,1704510399.0 +Feminism,18zq2jv,I made this 1 page Comic last year to celebrate Rosa Luxemburg’s contribution to womanhood.,"It’s about an A3 poster size if any of you like it, you could buy a poster framed or in framed and I could ship it to you 🤗 + +The backstory is that one day was I living in Dubai as a flight attendant, I saw all these sex worker business cards on the streets. As ironic as that is given that Dubai is apparently Muslim and sex is now allowed outside of marriage. + +So I’m walking down the streets and I see all these cards spread out everywhere and it strikes me how true it is that I will never in my life time or many more to come walk streets with men selling their services to me for a price I can afford blatantly commonly on the streets like this.. and how much it goes to speak about the positions we inhabit in society.. + +so I got this idea of a mother and a daughter, mother turning to her daughter after her daughter noticed the cards, and saying to her: I may not live to see it, but you will one glorious day walk the streets full of cards of men offering you a sensual massage for a price you can afford. And then next to it a big statue of a memorial for Rosa Luxemburg with her quote: those who don’t move don’t feel their chains.. + +The vision entertained me in the moment.. and a year and 40 hours of drawing later I created this beautiful masterpiece 😁😆 + +Hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it 💗🤗",https://i.redd.it/phwy9efrmqac1.jpeg,43,SnooPickles6175,1704511147.0 +Feminism,18zg93l,“It Wasn’t That Bad” is Rape Culture,,https://youtu.be/lhgM7_q7YxE?si=nqlNgue-PrxgQ2dS,135,comrade_kathrin,1704485458.0 +Feminism,18zm6hj,what some people may consider a 'pick me' might as well be the result of societal gender stereotypes,"first i'd like to clear up that i am a girl, and i have suffered my own ""pick me"" phase. +i've often seen the woman stereotype called a ""pick me girl"", and i know women like that actually exist, but if you look at it from another way, maybe the ""i'm not like other girls!"" community was derived from the way society has represented women as feminine conglomerations of makeup, fashion and short skirts. maybe these 'pick me women' would like to be seen as more than makeup and feminine stereotypes- to be able to express themselves and indulge in masculine content. maybe, instead of being associated with pink- a color that has been stereotyped to represent femininity, they would like to be characterized by their own personalities instead of the gender stereotypes they are forced to endure throughout history. i am in no way saying that any cisgender woman would like less to be a woman than to be a man, nor am i saying that these women don't enjoy 'womanhood' as we call it, i am just trying to say that these specific pick me women as society may call them, would just like to be seen as unique instead of enduring that one male catchphrase ""all girls are the same!"" or the strange and unreasonable ""pink is for girls, blue is for boys!"" stereotype. + +i apologize if this may not make any sense, i did not read through it before attempting to post. + +edit: i feel like a lot of people are misunderstanding me. did nobody read the part that said “i know actual pick me women who genuinely like to put other women down to make themselves feel better exist”? i am not talking about those girls. i am talking about the other women, like myself and a few others i have known, who were called ”pick mes” for simply expressing themselves.",,61,Minute-Ad-3733,1704500293.0 +Feminism,18zm8h8,What happened to Naomi Wolf,"What is up with Naomi Wolf, her old interviews quite sensible when did she change her stance. Can someone explain the nuances of her changing stances, support of conspiracy theories etc.",,15,thesumitkataria,1704500427.0 +Feminism,18za06s,Feminist reading recommendations,"Hi, are there any feminist texts or books that you would recommend or that really impacted you. History, theories anything is fine. I want to read more, especially involving POC perspectives.Thanks♡",,44,Big-Department3429,1704469898.0 +Feminism,18zq8hy,Book recommendations?,"Does anyone have any book or academic article recommendations about sexism in the lesbian community? + +I'm a latebloomer (came out when I was older), and I am struggling. I spent my adult life dealing with misogyny from men... and surprisingly to me, I'm experiencing it worse from some women now. Need some insights/advice on how to deal with it. + +If your curious what I'm talking about- this one article I found gives a great overview of what it is like to be on the receiving end of misogyny in a lesbian relationship: [https://www.autostraddle.com/butch-please-butch-with-a-side-of-misogyny-174442/](https://www.autostraddle.com/butch-please-butch-with-a-side-of-misogyny-174442/)",,4,LDSthrowaway2014,1704511654.0 +Feminism,18zi917,A great video about why Rey's arc is great and the heroine's journey as a whole,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DedBXeGTfg,7,ClaireDacloush,1704490412.0 +Feminism,18yu4l8,"Is it implicit sexism for men to view periods as ""gross""?","While some guys view menstruation as taboo, which is the reason they think this normal process is repulsive, I've noticed that many men unknowingly have this belief. I believe there is underlying prejudice behind the notion that menstruation should make males uncomfortable. Many males refuse to understand this natural process they do not want to talk about is due to root in sexism. I don’t think it’s right that men are even allowed to have a negative opinion on periods, but that might just be me. Thoughts?",,170,peenapon,1704417814.0 +Feminism,18yk6nt,Preteens using anti-aging products makes me feel so depressed for the next generation,"I get that brands like Drunk Elephant are all over tiktok but these poor girls have been conditioned to believe that aging is a bad thing. Plus, the whole thing about not using straws because they give you lines. + +Really just feeds into the idea that women have an expiration date and aren’t pretty past this. I feel so sad when I think about it",,456,komaedacat,1704393172.0 +Feminism,18yubtm,"If you are questioning, just cut your hair","I hate the way society treats women and their hair. So many women have long hair just because of the pressures of others. The way hair pills, prescriptions, and even extentions are pushed on women is just sad. You are not your hair! +I am a big alternative women that recently started cutting my hair short (spiked on top, buzzed sides) and its been eye opening. I realized that people who don't like or judge you are going to regardless of your hair, face, weight, so on. It has been freeing not giving a flip what people think of me because I genuinely don't care. I look like a queer feminist (I am so its not an insult) and I embrace it. Luckly my 17 year old has never felt the pressure to keep their hair long because I never put that on them. You are worth so much more than what you look like. If you are debating on cutting your hair do it! Live for yourself and not the label society put on you.",,106,AnxiousReputation247,1704418364.0 +Feminism,18yj87h,Political for existing.,I hate being political just because I am a woman. Every female character every instance of female empowerment is somehow political. I hate it. Anyone else who does rant here.,,379,[deleted],1704390856.0 +marriedredpill,acvzgx,Steel's Guide to Married Red Pill,"*“This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” – Morpheus* + + +# Steel’s Guide to Married Red Pill [(A)](http://archive.is/b8Grn) + + +Given some of the recent changes and the jump in subscribers, it is a good time to give a brief overview of MRP. [Hey dude, got a minute?](http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/05/dude-got-minute.html) [(A)](http://archive.is/Cf9LE)... Let’s have a [conversation](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3crj03/are_you_new_lets_have_a_conversation/) [(A)](http://archive.is/HbRqr). + + +# What Is The Red Pill + + +For an answer to this, take a gander at [podcast #31](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvwj2_KwIVg), start at 22:40. + + +Rollo’s answer - It will always be about intersexual dynamics. + + +Rian Stone – Game is red pill. You have to understand why things are happening and the way they are happening. He references [this post](http://hawaiianlibertarian.blogspot.com/2009/09/game-is-red-pill.html) [(A)](http://archive.is/2upB8) from back in 2009. + + +Rollo – Red pill is the theory, game is the testing of red pill. + + +Donovan – Not only understanding a woman’s true nature, but being man enough, or having the balls to act on what you know with red pill awareness. + + +Steel’s answer – The red pill, to me, is the truth behind intersexual dynamics between men and woman, and taking action based on that truth. Simple as that. The red pill is not “sit back, relax, and keyboard warrior away”, nor is it a wretched hive of scum and villainy. No, scratch that. We’re taking that label. MRP – A Sexual Wretched Hive of Married Scum and Villainy^tm. + + +Too many people are trying to define red pill, or have corrupted the definition. Make it simple. Intersexual dynamics and Game. That’s all. + + +# What Is Married Red Pill + + +From the FAQ: + + +“We are men that subscribe to The Red Pill (TRP) philosophy of sexual strategy, and are dedicated to applying it in marriage or in Long Term Relationships. This sub was created independently to address the needs of married men to discuss relationships issues. + + +Our approach is different from /r/relationships and /r/deadbedrooms because those don't work. Instead, here we focus on how to become stronger men to lead our marriage and LTRs to happiness.” + + +Married Red Pill first is a locker room. There will be trash talk. Married Red Pill also is a laboratory. There is practical advice here. But sometimes you get a lot of spaghetti thrown up on the wall to see if it sticks. Keep that in mind. + + +Ultimately, Married Red Pill is a bunch of men swapping notes on what works and what doesn’t from a married perspective. If you don’t like that, don’t let the locker room door hit you on the way out. + + +For additional perspective on MRP and AskMRP, [read this](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8wbfu2/what_is_marriedredpill_what_is_askmrp/) [(A)](http://archive.is/hXYpY). + + +# Rule Zero + + +Rule Zero: [Stay On Topic](http://archive.is/7LuNz) + + +From ye olde TRP forum – “TRP's mission is to discuss men's identity, sexual strategy, and options in the context of our current global culture for the benefit of men. Anyone who does not share that goal will be banned the instant we detect them. We are not interested in debating or defending our experiences to those who disagree with the red pill, nor do we want to clog up our threads defending the morality of our choices.” + + +So, what does that mean for MRP? Rule Zero there is the same as Rule Zero here – mostly though we are married. Stay on topic. If you do not stay on topic, you will be banned and your post deleted. + + +If your post does not add value, your post will be removed. The moderators will continue to work to ensure the signal to noise ratio is correct. + + +# What Do I Do First + + +You are expected to read the sidebar – all of the sidebar. You are expected to **SHUT THE FUCK UP**. You are expected to get up off your fat ass and go get a gym membership, and actually go to the gym. You are expected to lift heavy weights until it hurts so good at least three times per week. ~~You are expected to stand outside on the porch for three days without food and endure all sorts of humiliation.~~ Well maybe not standing on the porch. But you get the idea. + + +What don’t you do? Get an itchy trigger finger and write up a post without having done these items. + + +What do you do? You [read this guide](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/) [(A)](http://archive.is/Ga4YG). + + +[You chill out](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4y6kav/greetings_and_chill_the_fck_out/) [(A)](http://archive.is/bAidd). + + +You start your work on the sidebar and wiki. + + +You make a decision to get better. + + +You make a damn plan. + + +You get to work. + + +# STFU + + +If you are new, and reading this, I guarantee you that you have no idea how to STFU. Even guys who have been here a while still struggle with their STFU. + + +First of all, let’s cover this: you do not talk about fight club. **You DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!** However you want to phrase it, you STFU about fight club. There’s no point in stepping on your own dick. + + +Second, when your wife is fighting with you, you do not engage. Do you think that arguing with her and having verbal diarrhea of the mouth is going to get you anywhere? No. Are you trying to argue with a woman’s hamster? Newsflash: women’s hamsters eat logic and shit more hamsters. You need to STFU unless you want to deal with a shitton of hamsters. + + +Third, don’t open your mouth if what will come out of it is unattractive. [Be attractive](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7bnz0y/attractiveness/) [(A)](http://archive.is/czb3a). Don’t be unattractive. Call it the attractive filter on your mouth. Don’t say stupid stuff. Don’t say stuff that makes you look bad. Just shut up. + + +Fourth, don’t go to your wife for validating behavior. So you lost five pounds. You fixed the things around the house you said you would. You bench-pressed more than the bar. You took the car for repairs and an oil change and got it running again. Good for you. Take that cup of STFU and drink it deeply. You shut up. You don’t talk about the stuff that you should have been doing anyway. You act like a man who has their shit together. Let me repeat that: **YOU ACT LIKE A MAN WHO HAS THEIR SHIT TOGETHER.** Men don’t go to mommy and say “Look at me and how well I did.” + + +Fifth, with regards to shit tests, if you are a beginner, you need to learn how to STFU. You will be tested once you start making positive changes in your life. + + +Sixth, [verbal intercourse is optional](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qm961/verbal_intercourse_is_optional/ - ) [(A)](http://archive.is/2VmqV). (Note - read the comments as well as the original post). + + +Seventh, you have to calibrate your use of STFU. You don’t eat paint and STFU like someone with autism. Adjust and modify your use of STFU as appropriate. This is [one of the best definitions of STFU out there](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6x3uwc/new_to_mrp_starting_to_understand_the_concepts/dmcyrp5/) [(A)](http://archive.is/Sp8ix). + + +Eighth, if you are new, [you are not doing enough STFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4ynsog/jesus_titty_fucking_christ_n00bs/) [(A)](http://archive.is/o3mIo). + + +From our resident [RP philosopher](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74a0pn/selfesteem_sidebar_lifting_stfu_and_you/) [(A)](http://archive.is/DpHZx): + + +“We tell you to STFU because you play the victim, you overshare your fee-fees, you ruin any respect people might have had for you. As you learn, you want to get validated: Look, I'm figuring it out! Don't do that. If you do, you'll undo your progress. Cue bad feelings, poor self-concept.” + + +Drink your cup of STFU. Wash it down with some more STFU. And don’t forget to STFU. + + +# Lift + + +Lifting is not optional. Lifting is your foundation for what you are doing here. If you have been a fence sitter, reading the books, but not doing any lifting or taking any action in your life, you’ve done nothing. + + +You need to get up off your fat unhealthy BMI ass and get to the gym. + + +Let me give you an example from a recent u/OsmiumZulu post: + + +“Pick up artist [Owen from RSD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDbI10CQUs8) and fitness YouTuber [Connor Murphy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG4sKioLAxw). + + +Both of these guys get a ton of response from women. Owen overcomes his sub-average appearance by having extraordinarily tight game. If you watch some of his in-field videos you will see the that most of his pick-up goes like this: 1) Approach 2) Resistance and a gauntlet of fitness tests 3) Hold frame 4) more tests 5) eventually she becomes attracted to him despite his appearances +On the other hand, Connor's physique works like a cheat code in a video game. His approaches basically go like this: 1) Approach (or get approached) 2) take shirt off 3) Get number close, kiss close, F close, whatever. “ + + +Now I’m not saying that you are going to look like Connor Murphy. But let me ask you this question. If you were fit, hot, and in shape, do you think that it would be easier to attract your wife? + + +Would you be attractive to all women? + + +Just sayin’. + + +The sidebar has [some information here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/42iux1/60_days_of_dread_week_1_lifting_for_life/) [(A)](http://archive.is/KEwSB), but you’ll find more on places like the [Stronglifts subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stronglifts5x5/) or other similar subreddits. Similarly, you can find [more information here](https://stronglifts.com/blog/). + + +You want some comparison lifts? [Here you go](https://strengthlevel.com/strength-standards/male/lb) [(A)](http://archive.is/4am1q). + + +And absolutely do not get [fuckarounditis](https://leangains.com/fuckarounditis/) [(A)](http://archive.is/YXBb0) at the gym. You have to understand, [the iron will never lie to you](https://www.nerdfitness.com/iron-and-soul/) [(A)](http://archive.is/UohcW). You need to focus, have a plan, do it right. Here is a [great lifting post and plan.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/54y4f7/manbuilding_in_the_gym_my_newest_plan_of_action/) [(A)](http://archive.is/FT03i) + + +Personally, there are lots of choices for your lifting program, but I believe the best program is the one that you can stick with, the one that gets you to open that gym door over and over. u/bogeyd6 said it best, [75% of your problems can be fixed by lifting](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9ex1v7/lift_faggot_lift/e5s62b2/) [(A)](http://archive.is/ccV2C). + + +One final note. You will not be able to outlift a bad diet. You need to figure out what are macros – [these](https://www.ruled.me/keto-calculator/), not [these](https://support.office.com/en-us/article/quick-start-create-a-macro-741130ca-080d-49f5-9471-1e5fb3d581a8) (this place needs more Excel jokes). You need to eat right. Check out the references below for some links (60 DoD section). Calculate your [TDEE](https://www.sailrabbit.com/bmr/). Decide for yourself whether the food you are eating is helping you or hindering you. I’m a big fan of keto, but you have to figure out what’s best for you. + + +# Sidebar + + +Here are the sidebar links: + + +The FAQ - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7t5yly/guidelines_and_faq_updated_january_26_2018/ [(A)](http://archive.is/MlW4y) + + +Glossary of Terms - http://archive.is/nxTLB + + +Other common MRP Terms - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9g4edy/other_common_mrp_acronyms/ [(A)](http://archive.is/Dj8kE) + + +Guide for Beginners - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/ [(A)](http://archive.is/Ga4YG) + + +MRP Wiki *(DO NOT SKIP THIS)* - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/wiki/index + + +Posting Quality Guide - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/ [(A)](http://archive.is/vxhmy) + + +**Course Prerequisites** + + +No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Glover - https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 , $15.47 on Amazon + + +The Married Man Sex Life Primer, by Athol Kay - https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731 , $18.99 on Amazon + + +When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, by Smith - https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900 , $7.19 on Amazon + + +**Red Pill 101** + + +The Rational Male - https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862 (note, get the paperback, because it’s harder to get rid of paperbacks than electronic books), $10.02 on Amazon. The website for Year 1 is free - https://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/ , but I recommend getting the paperback. + + +The Mindful Attraction Plan - https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Attraction-Plan-Practical-Creating/dp/149045151X , $16.99 on Amazon + + +The 16 Commandments of Poon - http://archive.is/tbNzv , free + + +The Book of Pook - https://bookofpook.neocities.org/ ; https://bookofpook.neocities.org/TheBookofPook.pdf , free + + +Red Pill Sidebar - http://www.redpillhandbook.com/ , free + + +""I get it!"" ""No, you really don't."" - Triadis3 - https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7n0jcx/now_i_get_it_but_should_i_next_this_bch/dry5fsn/ [(A)](http://archive.is/wGg7Z) + + +I’m just going to pause for a second. Sidebar books cost $68.66. Think you can afford it? The real question you’ve got to ask yourself is, do you want to get laid? Well, do ya, punk? + + +**Graduate Level** + + +The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida - http://deida.info/the-way-of-the-superior-man/ + + +The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene - http://www.amazon.com/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197 + + +The Sex God Method, Daniel Rose + + +**[Advanced Reading List for MRP]( http://www.reddit.com/r/redpillbooks/comments/2fae6w/red_pill_books_from_the_professor/)** [(A)](http://archive.is/eZLLC) + + +Moving to the **General Awesome Guy Shit** section: + + +The Red Pill Room - http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/ + + +How To Win Friends and Influence People, Carnegie – http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.html [(A)](http://archive.is/onIRR) + + +A River Runs Through It and Other Stories, Norman Maclean + + +Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert M. Pirsig + + +IRC Chat Room For MRP Members - https://www.irccloud.com/#!/irc.quakenet.org:6667/#marriedredpill + + +Reference to /r/redpillfatherhood with your Daddy issues. + + +MRP also has a **Video** section on the sidebar: + + +BPP’s Book and Video Class on MRP - https://bluepillprofessor.wordpress.com/2015/05/22/hello-world/ + + +RPC’s Advanced Video Class on MRP - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRCcXsJScfWlYHP5kHJqNbg + + +Entrepreneurs in Cars: Guys, Girls, and the 21 Convention - https://www.youtube.com/user/EntrepreneursInCars + + +**Previous Sticked Posts that have been on the Sidebar** + + +SteelSharpensSteel’s Breakdown: The Mystery Method - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7aeibr/back_to_basics_mystery_method_the_game_and_the/ [(A)](http://archive.is/vOmHL) + + +You Are What You Eat - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3e3qc4/you_are_what_you_eat/ [(A)](http://archive.is/n81UO) + + +Body Language - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qkonn/lets_talk_body_language/ [(A)](http://archive.is/7XhQ4) + + +Don't fix her problem..Fix her feelz - http://archive.is/rZ7DN + + +New? Panicked or feeling Punch-Drunk? - http://archive.is/bAidd + + +dondreadpirates notes on plates while married - http://archive.is/pp1qm + + +Under **Divorce Advice** we have: + + +Red-Curious' Divorce Prep Guide - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6tsban/why_im_not_afraid_of_divorce_rape_and_how_to_get/ [(A)](http://archive.is/ABAHs) + + +Red-Curious’ Follow up 5-step functional introduction - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/79n1mz/and_so_my_journey_must_begin/dp3mr2o/ [(A)](http://archive.is/8ht70) + + +Red-Curious’ “Beta"" Divorce Strategy Planning - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9j5cus/better_beta_divorce_strategy/ [(A)](http://archive.is/ZkJTK) + + +The Art of War Sun Tzu explains how to handle modern relationships and Divorce - http://classics.mit.edu/Tzu/artwar.html [(A)](http://archive.is/ZiWXY) + + +Pre-empting the DV Charge - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7cwvyk/preempting_the_dv_charge/ [(A)](http://archive.is/WDXJE) + + +Tactics to minimize alimony. - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7tic4x/fr_the_spousal_support_scam/ [(A)](http://archive.is/d706k) + + +The **Precursors to TRP** section has the following: + + +Practical Female Psychology: For the Practical Man - + + +https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6 + + +The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature - https://www.amazon.ca/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature-ebook/dp/B006O4227U + + +The 60 Days of Dread can be found in the References. + + +I would also add the following to your readings: + + +Top MRP Posts - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/top/?sort=top&t=all + + +Gilded MRP Posts - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/gilded/ + + +You might ask yourself – why do these guys keep saying read the sidebar? - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7ewrwd/why_do_we_keep_hearing_the_redundant_read_the/ [(A)](http://archive.is/jqBIB) + + +###[Next Part](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/acvzgx/steels_guide_to_married_red_pill/edb8ik7/)",,522,SteelSharpensSteel,1546708491.0 +marriedredpill,19djslk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 23, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1705998609.0 +marriedredpill,197y2wq,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 16, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,8,AutoModerator,1705393807.0 +marriedredpill,194huh1,How to fix sex in your marriage,"You don't. + +That's it. That's the thread. + +&nbsp; + +&nbsp; + +&nbsp; + + +But 3KL, lol, isn't MRP dedicated to fixing sex in relationships? Rule zero and all that? + +No it's not. + +I'm going to have to rehash previously explained topics again, aren't I? + +&nbsp; + + +**Actively fixing sex** + +What do people mean by fix? It's usually either increasing the frequency of sex that they have, or improving the quality of sex. + +How do people conceptualise fixing it? Most idiots seem to think it means that if you do x, y and z, the result will be that your wife will want to have sex with you more. That's just not how it works. + +But why doesn't it work like that? Because it's not a fucking slot machine where you just do x and get y. There's no magic bullet. Stop looking for one. + +You can't make a goal of 'fixing sex in my marriage'. Why? Because it doesn't fucking work. You end up doing the [Dancing Monkey attraction program](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/) instead. And boy do guys at MRP love trying that. It never works. It won't work. Stop doing that. Alright? Is that clear? Do we all understand now? + +&nbsp; + +**Ok then, so what the fuck can I do?** + +You can't 'fix' sex in your marriage. But you can improve your sex life. + +But 3KL isn't that the same thing? + +No it's fucking not. In the first situation, you are trying to make someone do something. Last I checked you can't make people do what you want them to. In the second scenario, the only person you're changing is you. That's the fucking difference. + +When you do all the basic shit on the sidebar like: + +* Lift regularly +* Take control of shit +* Get rid of covert contracts +* Stop feeling guilty when you say no +* Establish boundaries and fucking enforce them +* Start being attractive, stop being unattractive etc. + +Then you end up being someone who is actually, you know, attractive. Then you get to make a choice as to what you do. Your wife gets first crack at your libido. And if she doesn't want to play ball, then you find someone else to have sex with. That's it. That's how you improve your sex life. This is what the whole 'fix the man' shit means. + +&nbsp; + +**But I don't want to cheat on my wife** + +Cool. Then don't. I don't care. If you want things to improve, you need to be a man who's worth a shit, i.e. has options. Most people who make the 'I won't cheat' statement typically aren't at a stage where they have options. So how about you get to the point where other women actually want to have sex with you, and then you make the call. + +&nbsp; + +**I don't have options yet but I still want more sex with my wife** + +Nobody cares. Do the work first. + +&nbsp; + +That's it. That's the thread. I'm keeping it short because yes, I am aware of the subtleties and the various other topics that surround this (frame, game, shit tests blah blah). It's simple, but it's not easy. But that's how it works. If you find yourself writing in your OYS that 'I'm trying to fix sex' or 'I tried to fix sex', or 'How do I fix sex', then this thread is to remind you that you've missed the fucking point.",,126,threekindsoflucky,1705020742.0 +marriedredpill,192v9ql,How To Get Jacked - A Beginner To Advanced Guide,"I'm a Reddit noob so you'll have to deal with my shitty formatting. + +**Everyone at one point has asked the question ""How do I get jacked"" or ""What's the best program"".** + +I recently got this question and went into more detail than I should have for a comment - so I decided to go full bore and make an actual thread for it. + +**Answer:** It depends where you are in development honestly, which is why this is a long answer; it’s nuanced. + +*To preface this: I am speaking from my own experience and the experiences of clients I’ve trained. I will give my suggestions and explain why. There are many ways to get jacked, but this is the way I recommend to get there with the least amount of fuckery possible.* + +**Step 1:** I would have a trainee run [Phraks Greyskull LP](https://physiqz.com/workout-routines/powerbuilding-programs/greyskull-lp-best-powerbuilding-routine-beginners-gslp/) until his lifts stop progressing consistently. This should take a while, anywhere from 6 to 18 months, and his big 3 lifts should be at or above 1,000lbs total. This is an arbitrary number, but I put it here to emphasize how long one can and should run such a program for. + +\*Feel free to add an exercise of Biceps Curls at the end of each training session (3x8-12). + +*Why Phraks?* + +I recommend this because it will give the trainee the fastest strength progression possible as it is a Linear Periodization (LP) program, without leaving any weak points (it addresses all primary movement patterns of the human body… Vertical Push/Pull | Horizontal Push/Pull | Squat | Hinge (Deadlift)). + +I prefer Phraks Greyskull over other templates like Starting Strength, StrongLifts, etc because it addresses all these planes of movement. + +Additionally there is data to support that beginners will gain muscle at the same rate whether training with strength or hypertrophy methods. + +\- If both strength and hypertrophy training methods produce the same physique changes, the trainee should be maximizing strength. The alternative is to have the same end-of-beginner-physique, but be weaker than if he had been following a strength template like Phraks. + +Lastly, it puts the trainee in a position to do very well in either hypertrophy or powerlifting training methods, while giving him a taste of both if he weren’t sure which direction to take. + +**Step 2:** IF (and only if) the trainee is no longer progressing with Phraks Greyskull LP, I would then recommend he start [DoggCrapp Training](https://www.intensemuscle.com/forum/main-forums/the-dogg-pound/pound-puppy-forum/1615625-dc-2-way-in-2021) with the 2 or 3 day split. During this time, the trainee will learn what it means to really be training to failure, and he will be SORE. A trainee should also be learning how they recover and respond to different exercises (both are rather individual, moreso recovery than exercise response), as well as learning good exercise selection. + +*Why DoggCrapp?* + +I recommend this program because nothing teaches muscular failure like Dante Trudel's Rest Pause method. Learning this point is essential for the trainee to continue getting effective reps and avoiding junk volume. People have been successful running DoggCrapp for literally years on end without taking a break; some as much as a decade or more. This program can be the trainee’s “forever program” if he wishes. + +**Step 3a:** If a trainee wanted some variety while training with the same DC Intensity principles, I would then recommend moving to [Trained By JP](https://www.trainedbyjp.com/). While this program corrects a few of the things I may disagree with regarding DC training, I do not think this can effectively be run without first learning to really juice a single set for everything it has to offer. Hence why I start with DC training before this. It isn't necessarily ""better"" than DoggCrapp, it's simply got nothing I can criticize. + +NOTE: I have VERY few criticisms of DC training and most everyone would be better off taking Dante Trudel's words as gospel until they are at a VERY advanced state of training (by ""very advanced"" I sincerely mean that you are capable of placing in bodybuilding competitions if you lost 10lbs of fat). + +*Why TBJP?* + +I find this program to be extremely effective and allows for significant changes to suit the trainee based on recovery. This is personally my favorite program. + +**Step 3b:** Similarly to 3a, a trainee could do very well by starting [Fortitude Training](https://drscottstevenson.com/fortitude-training-products.html) (I recommend starting with Virgin Voyage as the system is complicated to set up without this). Paying for the program will grant you access to Scott Stevenson’s forums, where he is very helpful. + +*Why Fortitude?* + +Some older gentlemen may want to consider this in lieu of TBJP as it tends to be a little more joint friendly. That being said, it is still wildly effective regardless of the age of said trainee. This program is equally as effective as TBJP or DoggCrapp, it just isn't my personal preference. + +**Step 4:** If you are at a point where DC, Fortitude, TBJP and proper dieting/nutrition/gear are getting you progress, you are beyond the stage where I can advise you. Moreover, you are probably getting so jacked that you're starting to turn women off. *(There's a PUA, maybe it was Roosh or Roissy, that posted his experiences with this, if someone wants to link this, it would be greatly appreciated - I cannot find it/haven't read it myself).* + +Such an individual is unquestionably jacked, in or out of clothes (if you have to tell someone you lift, you are not here yet); I expect this to take anywhere from 7-10 years of no bullshit training to achieve. 15 years if you're a retard like I was when I first started lifting (15 years ago). + +\*Note: Where I add one exercise of Biceps Curls at the end of every session – if your wife is training with you, I would not have her do Biceps curls; instead I would have her alternate Glute Bridges on Deadlift Day and “Bad Girls” (adductor machine) on Squat Day. You’re welcome. + +\*\*Note: Any [John Meadows](https://mountaindogdiet.com/john/john-meadows/) training programs would be a great pit stop in between 1-2 or 2-3, or anytime afterwards. They are higher in volume but absolutely brutal, and I've never known anyone to get smaller as the result of running one. + +\*\*\*Note: If your diet is shit, do not expect anything but shitty results from these programs. + +\*\*\*\*Note: Your [Deadlift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRbf7XuacxA&t=1679s&pp=ygUdc28geW91IHRoaW5rIHlvdSBjYW4gZGVhZGxpZnQ%3D), [Squat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNOpFrPCHqo&pp=ygUac28geW91IHRoaW5rIHlvdSBjYW4gc3F1YXQ%3D) and [Bench](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g27o6ZSRSc&pp=ygUac28geW91IHRoaW5rIHlvdSBjYW4gYmVuY2g%3D) form probably suck, so watch these videos to save yourself some time, then put up some better numbers. + +&#x200B; + +**TL;DR:** + +**1)** Phraks until you stop progressing for 2 or more weeks. You should be able to follow this to have a big 3 into the 1,000lb club, and then some. Expected 6-18 months, but many could follow this program as written for years or a lifetime if only seeking to maintain with minimal effort. + +**2)** DoggCrapp for 3-6 months, but can be run for the rest of your life. + +**3a)** TBJP for minimum 3 months, but can be run for the rest of your life. + +**3b)** Fortitude Training. Can be run for the rest of your life. + +**4)** Get a coach or maintain what you have and find some different hobbies, fuck. Intrasexual competition should not be taken to extremes unless you are a fucking weirdo like me - even then, it is not advisable.",,52,BecomingABetterMan1,1704848344.0 +marriedredpill,192a0ji,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 09, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,1704789008.0 +marriedredpill,18wkm3u,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 02, 2024","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1704184208.0 +marriedredpill,18twaj0,Field Report: The Interview,"I discovered MRP about three months ago. I have been working on internalizing the sidebar and owning my shit ever since. It's not very long, and I still make plenty mistakes, but the early results have been good. One of my goals was to learn to be more sexually dominant. This FR contains some notes from my progress. + +##Background +I knew that roleplay had long been a desire of my wife's, but I never acted on it. I explored some D/s power exchange earlier this year and my wife loved it, but I couldn't really engage. I would happily break out the bondage accessories but could not bring myself to start an immersive roleplay. Every time I tried to *be dominant* my lifetime of bluepill cultural conditioning (chivalry, romanticism, feminism, and nice guy-ism) kicked in, started my hamster, and prevented me from fully enjoying it. My head would fill with contradictions like, ""This isn't you. You don't know what to do. You're hurting her...."" and so on. Time and time again I fell back into the intolerable rut: vanilla comfort sex. Validation seeking. Negotiating desire. Weekly duty sex. + +Cue MRP. Influx of new ideas. I'm the prize? My sexuality is a gift? As I worked on integrating these ideas, my own desire to revisit the D/s role play reasserted itself. I decided to grow a pair, try again, and let it all out on her. Whatever happened couldn't be worse for my marriage than five years of chronic Niceguyism. + +##Setup + +I found the right opportunity. My wife was out of the house in the evening and I was at home with the kids. I had barely seen her all day. Our few interactions had been sexually charged. After the kids were asleep I had time to get ready. + +I planned the scene. My wife gets off on a fantasy about being fucked in at the office by the man in authority, so I decided the scene would be an interview. I prepared my home office and the bedroom. I planned who my character would be, what he likes and dislikes, and how he would test an applicant. I wrote down a bunch of ideas and picked the ones that were the most hot, twisted, or funny to me. I was having fun. + +I made the invitation. I sent my wife a text in the style of an old classified ad: ""Wanted: secretary, typing and computer skills required, walk-in interviews today..."" She didn't reply for a long time. She was trapped at The Olive Garden for Grandma's 95th birthday, probably going HAM on breadsticks just to remain conscious. Meanwhile, I was doing laundry because my 3 year old threw up on me. Twice. Not ideal circumstances. I started to worry it wasn't going down after all. I prepared myself emotionally to abort and try another day. OI right? But after an hour or so, I got the *heart eyes emoji* in reply. It was on. It was getting late when she called to tell me she was finally on the way home. ""Are you still taking interviews?"" she asked. I told her yes, if she hurried in, an exceptional candidate might still be considered. + +##The Scene + +When the applicant arrived I seated her at my computer. ""I haven't much time. Let's kill two birds at once. We'll do the typing test and go over workplace expectations. Take a dictation for me."" I started reading from a list of rules I had chosen for her to observe, each of them meant to contribute to the DEVI of the scene: + +""I shall address him only as Sir."" (D) +""I shall explore who I want to be without judgment."" (E) +""I shall be open to new possibilities and experiences."" (V) +""I shall not discuss personal business except in case of emergency."" (I) And so on. + +My applicant was giddy and visibly nervous, forgetting at first how to open MS Word and find homerow on the keyboard. When she got behind on typing she was flustered. I placed my had on her offered my reassurance. ""It's natural to feel anxious in your first interview. Relax and breathe. You are doing just fine."" I watched her emotions racing from anxiety to comfort and back to anxiety again. I knew I had her, and my fear of leading the scene evaporated. + +When she finished typing I had her print a copy and fetch it for me. She gave it to me to look over. I handed it right back. ""Read it back to me."" + +She took a breath and started to read. ""I shall address him only as Sir. I shall explore who I want to be..."" her voice caught in her throat and trailed off. Tears came to her eyes. She gathered herself and continued reading in a whisper. ""Without judgment. I shall be open to new possibilities..."" I felt the urge to comfort her again but let it pass. + +When she finished reading she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She was a mess. I told her she had done very well with the typing. I asked if she had any questions about my expectations. ""No,"" she said. I hardened my face and stared at her contemptuously. ""No, sir."" She squeaked. ""Good. Would you care for a tour of the work location?"" ""Yes, sir."" I told her the dress code for the rest of the interview and sent her to the bedroom. ""I'll knock at five after."" + +When I came to her she was ready. I put on her blindfold and took a moment to enjoy her beauty. She is not so young anymore, nor as perfectly shapely as when I met her as a teenager. It didn't matter. When she knelt there waiting for me with perfect obedience and a hunger to be dominated, she was a perfect 10 in my eyes. + +""I put out an ad for a secretary, but that wasn't entirely honest. What I am really looking for is a submissive little bitch. Would you like to be my little bitch?"" She grinned from ear to ear. ""Yes, sir."" I turned up the music. Wouldn't want the children to hear any more of this. + +##Reflections + +When I finished with her she was physically and emotionally spent. ""I didn't know how badly I wanted that. Thank you,"" she said. Thank you? These were not words I was accustomed to hearing after sex. Normally sex was a way I demanded my wife to validate me and make me feel accepted. Instead I had given her what she deeply craved: masculine sexual leadership. That freed her up so that her feminine submissive instincts could take over. ""Thank you."" She had received the scene as a gift. + +I started this year a nice guy, frustrated, addicted to pornography, habitually masturbating, emotionally needy, whiny, pathetic, scratching and biting to get laid once or twice a week. I hated these things about myself, but repressed those feelings and instead projected blame onto my wife. I also blamed biology, the culture, God, and everything else for her apparent lack of desire. All along, the problem was me. + +You're reading MRP because, like me, you've experienced sexual frustration and confusion in your marriage. I feel grateful I stumbled into this place and found the knowledge I needed right there in the sidebar. Special thanks to /u/ragnar_Daneskjold for the well deserved two week ban that woke me up from my stubbornness and excuses, and to /u/HornsOfApathy who has superhuman patience for explaining concepts to autists. I share these notes not to make myself into ""someone"" in your eyes, but only in hopes they might help other men. Life is an adventure that calls you into becoming something more. Open your eyes see that your marriage and woman are instruments for your betterment. If they frustrate you, take responsibility. + +##Tips for the interview scene: +* Make up your own rules in advance. I purposefully left most of mine out of the story because they're particular to our relationship and personal kinks. +* Remember DEVI and avoid crass nonsense. ""I shall always distend my butthole on command"" might add to D but subtracts from E and I. +* Don't skimp on the dress code. Women are usually more attuned to clothing than men. Wearing a hot pencil skirt vs. her normal blue jeans might take the scene to a whole new level. +* For the scene to flow naturally it's more important to know ""who you are"" than to know exactly what you will do. Try these writing prompts: ""When I am dominant, I am..."" and ""When I am dominant, I want...""",,39,vitrael2,1703880953.0 +marriedredpill,18r3lts,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 26, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,7,AutoModerator,1703579407.0 +marriedredpill,18qzwjs,Is it bad your (ex) wife started dating so soon?,"After reading the monkey branching post and digesting some of the red pill material in this sub, I get the idea that women will hardly date down - they wont break up with you to date someone lower level. + +So if women move from one relationship to another quickly does that mean: they found someone better than you; you werent as high value as you shouldve been; sometimes women seek new thrills and emotions, specially if young/detached; doesnt necessarily mean shit. + +Curious about this topic. Has anyone ever got dumped for somebody else?",,13,RedditSucks369,1703565683.0 +marriedredpill,18mq6ey,60 DoD: Social Remediation,"Gentlemen, the year is drawing to a close, and so is 60 Days of Dread. + +It’s been an eventful two months for some of you, and today you’re going to learn to **create an amazing social life so that your wife will finally want to have sex with you**. + +No, wait. + +Today you’re going to learn to **build social skills because that’s something you want for yourself**. + +Prefer to be a social recluse and stay home? Enjoy staring endlessly at your phone “checking messages” when there’s a lull in conversation? Want to never ever be the first one to speak with new people? You do you. Close this thread and go do something else. + +If you hate feeling awkward around new people, if you’re frustrated that none of your friendships are close, or you don’t like that your social calendar consists exclusively of kids’ playdates, work obligations, and the occasional event with your wife, your wife’s friend, and your wife’s friend’s husband, let’s chat. + +# The format + +We’re doing remedial work here, so I’m going to keep this simple. You can scroll down and find a scenario you identify with. Read the section underneath. Try it. Give feedback and suggestions in the comments. Include your experience in OYS or write a field report if you feel so moved. + +I went through most of this myself. I had to find my social confidence in college and I had to find it again as a married man who realized he’d let his social skills atrophy and his friend network evaporate. I did it by putting myself out there and trying until I got what I wanted. It’s simple but also hard. + +None of this is rocket science and this is not an exhaustive treatise on curing social anxiety. This is some ideas to get you started. You need to try stuff and learn from the experience. When it doesn’t go the way you want, reflect on why and maybe come here and ask for ideas. (The right format for that is generally the OYS thread.) + +## Scenario: I have crippling social anxiety. + +There are some people out there who have social anxiety to the point they can’t leave their houses. Their symptoms are as impactful as severe OCD. If that’s you, your issue is above my paygrade and I’d recommend you find a good therapist and probably explore pharmaceuticals with a qualified psychiatrist as well. + +If that’s not you, cut the negative self-talk and the bullshit. Most people who complain about social anxiety are well within the normal range of functioning adults who are not as socially comfortable as they wish they were. Mostly it’s “social skills I haven’t learned are hard”. Yeah, that’s how it works. You don’t have crippling social anxiety any more than you have crippling squat anxiety. You are terrified of a heavy squat because you have never put more than 95lb on your back. You’re weak. You become less weak with reps. + +In general, you need to find your starting point and your first steps. What can you do socially and what can you not? What’s a small step that moves you toward a thing that you cannot do but wish you could? You won’t start by squatting 400lb, but you can start with 95 and move to 105 in a couple of days. You might never reach 400 (or you might), but you can certainly do far more than you do today. *Pick something and work on it.* + +## Scenario: I don’t know how to approach women/men/anyone. + +This is an extremely well-worn topic, which doesn’t make it easy. There are endless resources online about this. They will all walk you through the basics of desensitizing yourself to the fear of approaching people. (Search “how to approach girls” for a million results.) Something like this: + +1. Go out daily and learn to hold eye contact with strangers. Look at the people you pass and learn to hold their gaze. Don’t awkwardly smile when your eyes connect. You could hold a neutral face, smile naturally in response to them smiling, or probably easiest, be in a good mood (listen to music you find energizing or watch a comedy before you go) and already be smiling. Have a goal of holding eye contact with 10 people every day. +2. Reflect on what happened when you held eye contact. Did they look away? Did they smile? Did they say something? Did they cringe, run away, or otherwise indicate discomfort? +3. Once you’re comfortable holding eye contact, start saying “hi”, “good morning”, etc. Again, 10 people a day and reflect on how it went. Congrats. You’re hopefully now less terrified of initial contact. +4. Now graduate to saying something more meaningful that sparks a response. This is basically cold opening. What you say here depends on the context and the variations are endless. If you just want to continue getting more comfortable, ask dumb stuff. Outside, “Do you know where the bus stop for the 23 is?” In a café, “Do you know if the scones here are any good?” In a grocery store, “How do these melons look to you? I can never tell when they are ripe.” If you want, lead with “Excuse me”, but that’s really for your comfort and not theirs. Yes, occasionally someone will be weirded out and walk away immediately. So what? + +This will actually work and I recommend you do this. It will help you to learn to actually look people in the eye and speak to them like you aren’t a terrified autist. **Congratulations. You’re successfully approaching people.** + +Now you need to decide what you want and proceed accordingly. + +If you want to be a pick up artist and go from “how about those melons” to “how about *those* melons”, go learn day game. Go to TRP and read the sidebar, read some books. Practice. Practice. Practice. + +If you just want to be comfortable talking to coworkers, friends of friends, people at the gym, then you actually have it easier. When you aren’t actively trying to bang someone, you are probably going to be less awkward and have lower expectations. Their guard will be down (because it doesn’t have much reason to be up). And these people in general also want to be social. + +In these situations, you can go with the obvious, “what do you work on” or “what do you do for work” sort of question, but you’ll get better results asking a more contextual question. “Can you believe Joe quit last week? I wonder what that was about.” “How do you know the host?” “I’ve never been to this place before. Have you?” “When did you start training here?” Or lead with an observation. “I love that jacket.” “That training was great!” Be careful going negative with your opener (“That training sucked!”). That can be offputting. On the other hand, sometimes people bond through shared commiseration, so do what you want and see what happens. + +This isn’t about finding the secret trick to approach. It’s about your own anxiety and learning to overcome it. If you make the effort to engage, most people are happy to talk. When I was younger and going to lots of parties, my opener was literally, *“Hi, I’m mrpwtf. I’m here to meet fun people and make new friends. What’s your name?”* That opener worked great, not because it’s some amazing line, but because I said it with some semblance of confidence and stuck out my hand. That’s really all you have to do. That and practice. + +My final tip here is to just cultivate a habit of just talking to people. The most social people I know just talk to random people all the time. A friend of mine will just start random conversations with people on the street because he enjoys it. Walking past a dock, he’ll yell “How’s the fishing?” to the guy with a line in the water and they’ll have a conversation about fish until he moves on. Do more of that. Just start talking to people and watch in amazement as they talk back. + +## Scenario: I don’t know how to hold a conversation. + +The standard advice is to get people to talk about themselves. With some people this works great. Some people will take any opening to talk about themselves and chatter for two hours until you find an excuse to leave. But others will not hold this sort of one-sided conversation. + +What I would say instead is to find common ground and talk about that. Maybe you both follow your local football team. Cool. You can talk about how your quarterback screwed up the last game. Maybe you’re both in the same industry. Talk about interesting developments, or directions you think the industry might go. Maybe you both have kids. Maybe you have some shared background. You have something in common with pretty much anyone. By finding common ground, you can get them talking about something you care about, and you can talk about it yourself, so it’s a two-way conversation. Picking a topic that only you are interested in will make you look autistic. Picking a topic you don’t care about at all will bore you to death. Picking a topic you both care about will allow you both to invest in the conversation and enjoy it. + +Ask some questions to find the common ground. Don’t turn it into 20 questions, though. If you ask more than a couple of questions in a row, it’s probably time to say something yourself instead of posing a new question. + +Don’t stress about conversations having lulls, either. You can make another statement to spark conversation, ask another question, share a story, etc. You can also sit in a lull and not die. Lulls are natural. They give the other person (or you) a chance to bring up a new topic. And sometimes conversations just end. That’s okay, too. Now you have the opportunity to chat with someone else. + +## Scenario: I don’t know how to be social at work. + +Aside from just talking to people more in general, there are many ways to be more social at work. + +1. Arrange team lunches. Don’t just send an invite. Go around early in the morning and tell everyone you’re doing a team lunch. (Do this days before if you have team that rarely does stuff like this together.) When it’s time for lunch, go round people up. Apply a bit of peer pressure. And pick somewhere that people might want to go. No one’s joining you at the Cheesecake Factory. +2. Plan a morale event for your team. Happy hour, bowling, game night, literally any sport. If you do this right, you can probably get your boss to pay and you might even be able to do it on company time. +3. Speak up in meetings. This is probably good for your career anyway, but people who speak up in meetings are unsurprisingly more likely to have additional conversations outside the meetings. You’ll find people come to you for your opinions more, to get you to explain what you meant in the meeting, etc. +4. Seek out others for their opinions. If you take the time to go find others and ask their thoughts more often, you’ll be better informed and also build stronger connections. +5. Open your door and take off your headphones. Don’t block everyone out if your goal is to be more social. + +I’m going to stop here because it’s starting to look like an AI-generated list. The point is that you need to make the effort here. Find reasons to interact with others. Ideally do this in a way that encourages not just one-on-one but team socialization. + +## Scenario: I get awkward around mixed groups of friends. + +This is a great problem to have. It means you’re mixing groups of friends. Do that more. When you bring two groups of friends together, it puts you in a dominant social position. You are now the social facilitator. Introduce people. Tell them things about each other to get them talking. “Bob, this is Steve. Steve also has season tickets.” “I think you two went to the same college.” “I’ve fucked both your wives.” + +Embrace the role of social facilitator. You can do this even if you didn’t arrange the social mixing. If you land at a get-together with two groups of friends and you know they haven’t all met, introduce them. + +When you make it easy for others to be social (by connecting them, seeding conversations), they will love you for it, because they feel as socially awkward as you. + +## Scenario: I’m afraid of public speaking. + +Join Toastmasters. Take an improv training. Do more presentations at work. Present at conferences if you’re in academia. Volunteer to do more at church (lead a sermon, teach a bible study, etc.) Take a public speaking class at your local community college. + +This one is just 100% do it more. Say some stuff to a group of people and look them in the eye when you say it. If you’re really bad at public speaking, still do it, and ask someone you trust for feedback. (As in, you trust them to give you useful feedback. Not just you just trust them in general.) But just do it more. + +## Scenario: I don’t know where to meet people. + +Yes, you do. People are all around. You can meet people anywhere. By starting conversations more, you will meet more people. End good conversations by saying, “This was awesome. We should hang out sometime.” If you reach the end of a conversation and want to hang out with the person, there’s a 90% chance they do, too. + +If you want to make it easier, start a hobby that requires human interaction. Join a martial arts gym or crossfit. Places where camaraderie are default make it much easier to meet people. If you join a martial arts gym, people *will* talk to you there. Many sports will accomplish the same, especially team sports. + +You can also look into volunteering. There is an endless sea of opportunities to help out others in some way and you will meet people there. Volunteer at a charity you care about. Help your local PTA. But actually get involved. Take an active role and naturally you will interact with others. + +You could also use Meetup or similar apps if you just want the braindead “meet people who care about X” shortcut. But you will still have to get out there and do it. + +## Scenario: I want stronger friendships. + +If you want stronger friendships, you need to get past casual interactions. + +Three big parts of how friendships form are familiarity, shared interests, and shared experiences. Build all three of those to forge deeper relationships. If you see a casual friend for drinks once every 2 months, they are likely to remain a casual friend. If you see that casual friend more often at a charity you both volunteer at, and you plan an event together, you’re probably moving quickly into a stronger relationship. + +Focus on making interactions more meaningful. Have a guys trip and watch how the group bonds closer (or falls apart if the trip is a trainwreck). Start a hobby with a friend and you’ll likely form a much closer friendship. Go skiing or hiking, participate in sports, schedule a group friends event. Anything that makes your interactions more meaningful. + +Novel experiences also help. You don’t need to take a cooking class together, but it would help more than another happy hour. Get them to help you with a home project or help them with one. Building a deck will absolutely bond two guys. + +The more meaningful the interaction, the stronger the bond. + +## Scenario: I’m amazing socially and this shit is dumb. + +For you, I recommend scrolling down and telling everyone what you did to get so awesome. This is an honest invitation, not sarcasm. There are guys here who are killing it socially. If that’s you, share your tips with others. Explain why everything I said is dumb and they should do something else. Tell them what works for you and maybe what you still struggle with. + +# Time to do the work + +You made it to the bottom of this wall of text. Now share your plans below in the comments and report in your next OYS. + +I’ve listed several scenarios here and given my high-level advice, for what it’s worth. If you don’t like my advice or you have a different scenario I didn’t cover, ask below. + +Remember that you’re not special, and that is a good thing here. Most people out there want more social interaction, more and deeper friendships, exactly like you. They are aching for someone to come talk to them, invite them to stuff. **Be that someone.** If you’re that someone often enough, you’ll quickly find yourself so busy with social engagements that you have to start turning down invitations. Good luck, and Happy Festivus.",,35,mrpwtf,1703062536.0 +marriedredpill,18lx3yb,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 19, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,6,AutoModerator,1702974608.0 +marriedredpill,18lb6ym,[FR] I met the hamster,"I arranged a night out with my oldest friends this weekend, we’ve not seen each other for a while so the start time ended up being 2pm, so quite early, I had a few casual questions tossed my way, softballs that I was easily able to bat back. + +I'm sure this pales in comparison to some stories on here, but it's one of the first times I've been able to realise when the hamster starts spinning that wheel, and purposely decide to fuck with it a little to see what happens, a quite clear and obvious response to making a change as small as wearing a fucking shirt to meet your mates. The hamster starts to wonder why, who's he meeting? who's he off out with again? + + +\[H\] “What time will you be back?” + + +\[Me\] “Absolutely no idea, maybe 3am with a dirty kebab, do you want one bringing back?” + + +\[H\] “Remember my mum’s coming tomorrow, don’t drink too much.” + + +\[Me\] “Will she want a kebab too? - Cheesy grin” + + +As I started getting ready I pulled out a (very, very nice) button down shirt and some chinos, she did a literal double take, thought about it for a second, then + + +\[H\] “you’re dressing a bit smart aren’t you?, though it was just drinks with the guys?” + + +\[Me\] “Don’t hate me ‘cos I’m beautiful” + + +\[H\] “None of the others will be dressed up, they’ll be in t-shirts and jeans” + + +\[Me\] “You’re probably right, I’ll end up showing them all up” + + +\[H\] “Who did you say was going?” + + +\[Me\] “Guy 1, Guy 2, Guy 3 and Guy 4” (she knows these all very well) + + +I carried on getting ready, ironed my shit, shortly after: + + +\[H\] “Are you going to put on a t-shirt now?” + + +\[Me\] “Nah, I’m happy with this” + + +I looked good, I know it, she knows it, the hamster knows it. The gorgeous blond mother/daughter I spent a while chatting to, (while my mates propped up a phone at the fucking bar and watched a football match) knew it too. + + +Fully shit tested the next day for not responding to her the entire time I was out, ok so maybe I should have answered the repeat phone calls at 11pm after being out of touch for 11 hours, but hey, my phone was in my jacket on silent as I was making sure to be present with my friends.",,33,takeoutcoffee,1702912831.0 +marriedredpill,18gijpi,"60 DOD: Week 7 Career - Understand the game, choose your purpose, gratitude for enough","# The Illusion + +You spend most of your waking time working. If you want to live a life of purpose and self-control, then there is no choice but to take charge of this time and find a way to make it fruitful. The very first step is control over your mindset, or frame. + +There are people that are slaves to their jobs, reinforcing behaviors that keep them tethered to others for money and validation. Helpless victims, coming from unlucky circumstances, flailing around paycheck to paycheck, blaming the world for their uselessness. There are no opportunities, they say, or I don’t have this degree, or just one more hit, or my boss is mean to me, or maybe I’ll do something about it next year. Excuses are infinite. + +There are career plough-horses, subsidizing a stay-at-home mom lifestyle for their princess wife, forgetting themselves and sacrificing their dignity as part of the Nice Guy covert contract. There are people who make millions a year, and spend it all on dumb shit so that others think they are fancy, shackling themselves to golden parachutes and imagined retirements far in the future, while hollowing out into boring shells. + +You can choose to live in the trap of employment, believing in the sacredness of the structure created for you by others. Have you seen how your kids will do things in school for stickers and good grades, to gain approval from teachers and authority figures? Yep, that’s you, working for money and a promotion, the adult version of plastic trophies for being a good boy. + +Or, you can realize the bullshit for what it is. And once you know the map of this arena, you can choose your next action, for yourself. The point isn’t to play the game that has been provided to you, but to realize that there are many games, and then participate in the one you are most likely to win. +Winning is gratitude, the feeling that what you are doing brings pleasure, and that you are lucky to have it, and that you are happy to be in your situation. Financial abundance is a required, but not sufficient, part of winning. + +# The Games + +You can get a lot of advice about the “right” way to build a career. There is no right way to success, each is a learning curve mapped onto the person that is doing the learning. An experienced man can tell you how to fuck women in general, but not the right way to fuck your wife. That’s your pleasure. An experienced man can tell you how one looks for purpose and learns to add value to the world. But not the right way to live your life or choose your job. That’s your pleasure. Choosing your job based on peer pressure is like choosing how you have sex based on consuming porn. + +I can tell you some of my motivations. I got into the schools, passed the tests, and won the recruiting games. Collecting gold stars from institutions, called prestige, was very important to me. I arrived in finance based in part due to peer pressure, put on the suit and was a well-behaved analyst, only to watch every investment bank shatter into a million pieces in 2008. Every stressed managing director making up stories about money and ego while Bear and Lehman fell apart. + +Corporate work is good, safe, and prestigious, until it isn’t. I haven’t gone back there since. + +Here is a useful distinction. + +* You can be the creative energy behind some endeavor, generating value, ideas, and revenue. From here, there is opportunity in every direction and in every market. +* Or you can be the assembly line executing on someone else’s vision. Great salespeople, lawyers, doctors, developers are people at the top of their craft, but are still constrained by their bosses and the hours available to them every day. +* And then there is the long ramp to become a professional, a grind in which most people are running on the treadmill of salary and debt. + + People seem to be confused about capitalism. Capitalism is one of the greatest mechanisms for the discovery and allocation of economic value, even when it makes mistakes. The atomic unit is the company. Each company has something they do which is valuable to others, who pay for it. When enough people pay for things, you get revenue larger than your cost of production, and the company doesn’t die. Most employees are the cost of production. Some employees are revenue-generators but are still fungible with other mercenaries. Even fewer are the leaders that know where value hides in the market, where to go, how to extract it. + +You are never “safe” in a company, not when they say you are family, not when you work overtime and bring in extra, not when you are friends with the boss. It is a market transaction and should be treated as such. If there isn’t enough revenue, because of a recession, your being fired is just a business decision. I’ve had to gut out departments when times are bad, and it is just a game of spreadsheets. Someone maybe played internal politics better than you, there is no fairness involved. The most you can do is generate resources and control them in such a way as to be indispensable. Use the company as it would use you, and it will be a bountiful partnership. + +It is alright to take on any of these roles, and the abilities of different people are different. For me, I have always wanted to be in control to the maximum extent. Opportunity should flow from me to others, and this is done by focusing on creating things, rather than consuming things. Consumption is living off the work created by others, chasing pleasure and comfort. Creating is the journey in the wild, exploring the fog, building the skyscraper. There is a reason nobody is remembered for their record consumption, while we carve monuments to the explorer. + +# Upskilling + +Another area of focus is to develop your skill. It is hard to develop a skill for which you have no interest or passion. But for the things you like, you will put in the necessary 10,000 hours. It is paramount to select the thing that brings you pleasure. Having a hard skill, or multiple perfected skills, is required to truly develop a career. A career is different from “work”, which you can phone in by clocking in and out during the 9 to 5. A career is the accumulated work product you have done over time so that there is a reputation, a brand, and a network. You stand for something. + +One hack to do this well is to specialize in 2 or 3 areas, and then to be the best in their overlap. If you are pretty good at lounge music, restaurant food, and franchising, then you can be billionaire Jimmy Buffet. Another hack is to get really good at sales and marketing, learning how to get attention through social media, newsletters, or podcasts. Once you have an audience, it gives you leverage everywhere else in life. Another approach is to be deeply technical in an area that hasn’t hit the mainstream, but could in the next decade, like the combination of artificial intelligence and bioengineering or 3D printing. + +Take the discipline developed in your fitness journey, the incremental progress of lifting, or the mental fortitude of an ultra-endurance event, and paint for yourself the picture of your career marathon. Who will you be in 10 years? What are the steps necessary to get there? What have similarly situated people done before? Why are you pursuing this goal in the first place? Having the right mission in place makes everything else easier. While difficult, it will feel like being on the right path. That will let you dig yourself out of any financial or personal hole you find yourself in. Find a reason. + +You find the reason by doing. For me, my patience runs out every 5 years or so, and I end up resetting my goals. Once I have climbed one particular metaphorical mountain, let me climb another. I take the time to assess, aim, and fire in the direction of who I want to be. Then I push, walk, run, fight, and kill to get there. + +# Enough + +The money is important, as are the titles and the prestige. But at some point, you will have enough. With strength and fitness, there is a standard for your own self-respect, there is the meat fridge, and then there is enough. With sex and women, there is what you need, what you want, and at some point there is enough. The same with money and power. To be infinitely hungry is a disorder. + +When you have enough, what will you do? Buzz Aldrin became an alcoholic after the moon landing because nothing else in his life could top this early achievement. Once you reach your own proverbial moon, will you fall apart, unable to have new goals or new purpose? What you actually achieve doesn’t matter for your happiness over a longer time period. Rather, it is the incremental feeling of progress that makes a person fulfilled. + +Realize that you may have enough right now. If so, where do you go then? + +If you could create anything today, what would it be? +",,37,Persimmon_Dazzling,1702375357.0 +marriedredpill,18ghbem,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 12, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1702369809.0 +marriedredpill,18cfa8p,60 Days of Dread: Finances,"“You make this much money, and I make this much money. How the fuck are we broke?!” + +This was the result of me telling my wife to handle all the finances after we got married. It wasn’t even delegation. It was pure laziness. 3 years post-wedding, I realized I was always broke and had to ask my wife for money because I gave up control of finances to her. We’ll circle back to this later. For now, I want to turn your focus toward some areas that might need your attention in order to strengthen your finances. + +**The Pot** + +Everyone’s pot varies in each marriage. Some of you are the sole provider. Then there’s the majority of couples, where both the man and woman works and contributes. There are several common arrangements in this financial setting. Some have a roommate arrangement where everything is split in half. There are some with a modified arrangement where the expenses are broken down between a particular percentage, depending on who makes more. Some just have assigned bills they pay. I personally prefer putting everything in one pot and having one manager of the finances; The man. Delegation is ok, as long as you have a healthy frame and it’s a clear delegation and not just an excuse to be lazy on your end. Take a good look at your pot and make some considerations. Your pot might be convenient but not the most optimal. + + +**Full Financial Picture** + +Alright! What bout your full financial picture? Unless it’s literally raining money over your household, it would be impossible to accumulate wealth as a family unit without knowing the full financial picture of your operation. You have to **know** what’s coming in, what’s staying, what’s going out, and where it’s going. You can’t ball-park this shit. You’ll miscalculate and induce errors. + +The first step in not being a broke-ass-bitch is inventory. I’ve used multiple methods of financial inventory in my journey. I’ve used several free and paid applications. Some were easier to use than others. I’ll leave that up to you. I personally opted for the old-fashioned pen on paper. Regardless of what you choose to do, the only fact is you need a reliable method to see the accurate overview of your financial picture. + +**Making Cuts** + +Having the full financial picture should have given you an understanding of how stupid you are with your money. Dumb shit adds up. It’s easy to “sneak-spend” $1,000 a month on restaurants and fast food. Those harmless vending machine trips and your designer coffee can be quite a bill. Those little subscriptions that you don’t even use are there, lurking in the shadows. Lastly, when was the last time you compared costs between service providers? You might be paying $118 a month for something you can get for $47 a month. Make the cuts. Research and call for discounted rates. When I did this about four or five years ago, I easily discovered I was throwing away approximately $2,000 a month on dumb shit. I quickly turned those into investments. + +**Paying Yourself** + +You’ve found a financial surplus. What should you do with it? ~~Buy guns, hookers, cocaine, and a midget sidekick.~~ You invest it. There are quite a few resources on personal investment methods out there. Read up on them and start investing ASAP. Make the extra money, make extra money. + +(*One caveat. Pay that debt. Many would argue that investments are prioritized before debt but I just don’t like owing anyone anything.*) + +**The Budget** + +Your budget is simply your financial diet. It’s as simple as that. The more deliberate and proactive you are with your diet, the more in control you are with your strength, physique, and attractiveness. Apply the same discipline to your spending budget. At this point in your financial journey, you should have identified the non-negotiables, necessities, and leisure spending. It’s no different than proteins, carbs, and having cheat days. Draft that budget and be serious about it. + +**Your wife, and her buy-in.** + +The natural progression in MRP tells us that once you give up frame to your wife, it’s hard to get it back. She’ll fight tooth and nail for it. Even if you get it back, she’ll try to covertly take it back at times. This transfers well when it comes to finances. Regaining control of finances was an important and pivotal point in my MRP journey; and it was tough. The win didn’t come easy but I eventually took over the entire financial operation. Paying bills, Vacations, Dates, etc. + +This is where it might get sticky for the guys who have to go through the process of regaining control of the finances. No matter how great your budget is, it will fail without the participation of everyone under that budget. You’re gonna have to rock the boat a little bit because your wife doesn’t know that you’re going to be better than her when it comes to managing finances. She doesn’t know that it will ease her stress and anxiety when you remove that from her plate. Having an attractive financial vision is the way to go. + + +**Your role as the provider.** + +You don’t get to keep the money all to yourself as the financial supervisor. By all means, feel free to say “no” when your wife and children express unnecessary or outrageous wants and needs that affect the household finances; however, you still have the duty to provide. Be generous within reason but spend within your means. Just understand your wife needs to get that hair done and be wined and dined. Your kids need clothes and memories that will cost money. Don’t take that away from them. If you feel like you have to it’s because you need to… + +**Reconsider your income.** + +There are plenty of 6-figure earners here who express some sort of financial hardship. Those guys really just need some realigning. They’re the problem, not the money. This post should fix most of their issues. However, some guys simply just don’t make enough money because of a low paying job. You have to be honest and reconsider your income and career field because you are failing to meet your financial potential. Make a move. + +Thank you! + +I want to know what spending cuts you’re making after you saw the overview of your entire financial picture. Let us know if there are any changes you intend to make to improve your financial position.",,44,2wo2wo3hree,1701899469.0 +marriedredpill,18b7j5n,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 05, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1701765009.0 +marriedredpill,186tbix,Divorced dad LTR types,"As I'm starting to date as a separated dad and looking at the pool of available women, I think about all the many different dynamics that come with single moms that play a factor in any relationship when you consider: + +* Age of the mom +* How many children +* Ages of her child(ren) +* Boy(s) and/or girl(s) +* Share of parenting time + +My ex has sunk to great depths to try to secure primary custody, while having me pay for essentially holding my daughter hostage - I am not going to squander this battle. I have been fighting like hell to gain 50% parenting time of my daughter and I am set to get it. My goal is to balance my independence, while providing a nurturing environment for my daughter that does include exposure to a stable female relationship and the semblance of a sibling. + +Lets get this out of the way, I do not see in my situation, a Rich Cooper scenario whereby I bag a single high SMV and healthy woman who will not want to cohabitate, not get married, and has written off having children of her own. This is the definition of a unicorn. (Keep in mind that Rich's ex has primary custody of his girl and they are amicable - this is not my situation.) + +The only acceptable arrangement with a single mom is one where the sexes and relative ages of your children are the same, *now* throw in all the other red flags to avoid. I'd like to hear from other divorced dads who do have a successful LTR about their experiences calibrating to these different single mom sub-types.",,29,cryptus-maximus,1701274918.0 +marriedredpill,185rb7u,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 28, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1701160208.0 +marriedredpill,182wbqc,Back after 8 years,"Backstory: My wife and I are early 40s, 3 school-age kids, suburban professionals. I hit a low point on all fronts in my life \~8 years ago. Typical story - lack of leadership, dead bedroom, aimless going through the motions in life. I found this and other resources (Rational Male blog was my favorite) and turned things around. + +Current Situation: Things are firing on all cylinders, but always room for improvement. The trend has been up over the last 8 years, but there has been regressions from time to time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. In the spirit of giving back, here’s some of my practical guidance/advice on what’s worked for me. Your mileage may vary. I see a lot of friends struggling in their marriages and this is the advice I give them. + +Disclaimer: I forgot a lot of the MRP jargon, so bear with me. + +Advice bullet-points: + +* Say “No” more often, don’t justify +* Be ready with decisions - she’s asking because she does not want to have to make the decision. You know these questions are coming. “What should we eat tonight?” “New kabobs restaurant, call the sitter” - not “I don’t know, what do you feel like? Or how about take-out pizza?”. +* Buy some new clothes once in a while. Order CalvinKlein underwear (or something noticeably nicer than target/hanes and asking your wife to pick it up for you) and have it delivered to your house. +* Handle your shit and call her out when she’s not handling hers, it’s okay to get angry once in a while. Angry - not disappointed, pouty or hurt. +* Flirt with your wife. Watching TV w/ family, text her or whisper in her ear “I’m getting hard just looking at you” +* Social - you need to have adult relationships outside your wife, keep text chains going with friends +* Don’t initiate in bed at 10pm right before she wants to go to sleep +* Talk during sex - reconnect your mouth to your brain, say whatever you’re thinking (yes, a transcript of what you said would be cringeworthy, but all that matters is feelings in the moment. Get over the worry about saying stupid shit.) +* On sex, she knows you want pornstar sex. You’re not getting it because she does not want to fuck you. You can’t go from 0 to 100 here, move in increments: 1. No Sex, 2. Intermittent Sex, 3. Regular Sex, 4. Things you thought were off the Table. You can’t skip a step. Telling her you want \[X\] or trying \[X\] after having not fucked for a month isn’t going to happen. If you’ve fucked every day for a week and you're already 10min into action, then it’s a different story. Be honest about what step you’re at. +* Lifting: you just have to make it routine and un-skippable (that 99% of the battle); do compound lifts and all the rest (sets/reps/pyramids/isolation) is advance shit that 99% of men will never get to the point where it matters +* Looking decent/good: 80% of it is getting lean (20% of it is muscle mass). If you’re skinny-fat, you’ve got to cut the fat first. Getting to 15-18% body fat will take hunger pains. Nothing worthwhile is easy. +* Don’t consult w/ your wife on work troubles - she doesn’t want to hear why it’s not your fault that a client fired you or someone else got a promotion. “How’s everything? Great, awesome quarter” +* PSA - if your business suffers, she will start looking to replace you ASAP +* Fix stuff around the house or call contractors to get it done. Don’t wait till you're nagged into doing it. +* Health - get it fixed. Snoring - investigate solutions. ED/PE - read up on it or see your doctor. Don’t let things linger +* Quit Porn. Rubbing one out w/o aids will improve your sexual functioning +* My Opinion - play video games w/ your kids only. Likewise, limit TV +* Be an adult - follow-through on promises, make plans and act, own your mistakes, keep your frame, don't diminish your thoughts, pursuits or opinions for sake of harmony +* Break your routines from time to time - “Why is he up at 6am on a Sunday?” +* Always have a personal goal you’re working toward - fitness, learning a skill, learning a language, coding, building something +* Lastly, this is a journey not a destination. This is simple but not easy. +",,248,Ok_Independence_7077,1700844384.0 +marriedredpill,180ccz4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 21, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,1700555408.0 +marriedredpill,17wzkm6,60 Days of Dread: Style,"In looking at past years' 60 DoD about style, the focus was usually on clothing, shoes, and accessories, which I'll call ""fashion."" They covered the issue well, especially [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/g7drug/60_dod_2020_week_4_style_got_chucks_on_with_saint/), so I'm going to be brief regarding fashion. + +*Fashion you can buy, but style you possess. The key to style is learning who you are, which takes years. There's no how-to road map to style. It's about self expression and, above all, attitude.* —Iris Apfel + +I don't know or care who Iris Apfel is, but this quote captures the point I want to get across -- **your style is more than your clothes**. It is your grooming, clothes, shoes, posture, eye contact. Its how you move and how you speak. + +Your style is the integrated package you are presenting to the world, and it signals to others who you are, what you are about, and whether you are worth a shit or not. And [signaling matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1wwpqc/why_women_love_assholes_an_alternate_view/). + +The rest of this post is broken down into (1) fashion, (2) grooming, and (3) how you carry yourself. I'll leave speaking style and any other aspects for another day. + +**1) Fashion** + +Like I said above, other posts cover this topic well, so I'll keep my comments relatively brief. + +***Don't Be Unattractive*** + +This is most of the job here. + +* Step 1: Anything that has holes, pit stains, no longer fully covers your gut, has lost elasticity, or shape, etc. should be trashed. +* Step 2: Anything that you haven't worn in the last year should likely be donated. +* Step 3: Anything that doesn't fit \*well\* any more should be donated or put up in an appropriately labeled bin. + +Ex: I've had to retire all of the button-down shirts, polos, and suits I've owned for more than two years because they no longer fit in the chest. I donated half and kept the higher quality half if it was within one size, but put them in a bin and labeled them as such. + +***Fit Is Paramount*** + +Not only should you not look like you are wearing your father's (or son's) size clothes, you should only buy clothes that truly fit. Be exacting about it. If it doesn't look like it was made just for you when you try it on, keep looking. + +Ex: I bought a dress shirt recently, but I'd look ridiculous if I just bought an off the rack shirt because I'm a 17.5"" neck, 41"" chest, 31"" waist, and I'm 5'8"". The shirt would be worthless to me if I hadn't gotten it tailored, but now it looks like a million bucks. + +Also, find a brand / fit that works for you and buy a couple different styles. For example, Peter Millar's Crown Crafted button down shirts are tailored enough for me and I've found a few styles of those that I like. For athletic shirts, i found a brand on Amazon that fits me well, and they are 3/$25, so I have 12 of them in a handful of colors. + +***Quality Is Also Paramount*** + +You know that shirt or outfit that you look great in, so you wear it half of the time you have an occasion to? It is probably the right combination of fit, style, and quality. If it's not a ""fuck yea"" it's a ""fuck no."" + +***Dress Up a Notch, Not Down*** + +Early in my career I worked at a bigger company that had Casual Friday. It devolved to the point there were some young guys who wore tank tops and flip flops. No one respected them. Don't be them. + +Instead, be the guy who takes it up a notch -- a sport coat when slacks and a shirt will do. + +***Shoes Are A Giveaway*** + +If you look good but your shoes are scuffed and tattered, it ruins the look. + +Also, don't wear sneakers unless you are working out or its an intentional look. + +If I'm wearing slacks or jeans (my day-to-day and/or office wear), I either wear a pair of nice suede or leather ""driving shoes"" (moccasins?) or cowboy boots (ostrich). Yes, they are expensive, but (for example) I've had those boots for 12 years and wear them 1-3 times a week. That's absolutely a better value than cheaper shoes I wear once a quarter. + +***Jewelry*** + +I don't wear any rings, necklaces, etc. That's just not my style. You do you. + +&#x200B; + +**2) Grooming** + +This is somewhat covered by the hygiene DoD, so I'll also be brief here. + +Obvious stuff: + +* Nails clean, trimmed, and smoothed (no sharp edges) +* Clip, trim, or pluck the errant ear, nose, and eyebrow hairs + +***Hair Style*** + +Do you even have one? When did you last update it? Does it fit your face? Does it fit who you are? I had the same style for 18 years. Updated it about a year ago. It's still professional, but it's got more of a confident edge now. + +***Beard / Shaving*** + +Be intentional. + +* If you are clean-shaven, be clean shaven. +* If you have stubble, have it because you wanted it and maintain it at whatever the right length is for you. +* If you have a beard, keep it neat, clean and maintained. + +**3) How You Carry Yourself** + +This is an area that I think gets overlooked a lot, but what is the point of spiffing yourself up if you still hunch over, avoid eye contact, and generally project weakness instead of strength? + +***Posture*** + +Two tips that stuck with me: + +* Act like you have a [massive set of antlers](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6zu0ne/married_man_game/). +* Imagine balancing a quarter on your chest (chest up and shoulders back). + +***Eye Contact*** + +Maintain it. Don't stare at someone who isn't looking at you, but if eye contact is established, maintain it for 4-5 seconds. If you need to, look near the eyes, or at one eye. Don't dart away or move from eye to eye, and when you look away, look away slowly (but not down). + +***Movement*** + +Do you move quickly and nervously or confidently and intentionally. Do you act or react? + +You know why Sean Connery got cast as the first James Bond despite his limited resume until that point? Because he moved like a [jungle cat](https://idlesociety.co.uk/2020/12/05/from-coffin-polisher-to-milkman-to-007-the-story-of-sean-connery/) \-- and because ""Connery put on an assertive, reckless and masculine act at lunch"". How is that for presence? + +An easy way to start being more intentional about how you move is just to walk more slowly (and ffs, don't be looking at your phone). + +***Smile*** + +This should be obvious. + +&#x200B; + +**Action Steps:** + +* Fashion + * At a minimum, take the three steps I mentioned above to be less unattractive. + * Next, focus on fit and quality + * Get Classy, San Diego +* Grooming + * Address the basics + * Be intentional about your hair and facial hair. +* How you Carry Yourself + * Address posture (antlers) + * Practice sustaining eye contact + * Move like a fucking jungle cat, not the nervous prey. ",,43,FutileFighter,1700174107.0 +marriedredpill,17uxvp6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 14, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,1699950610.0 +marriedredpill,17rf20p,60 DoD: Hygiene,"I'm not going to reinvent the wheel here. You smell. Your balls reek. Your clothes suck. If a girl can smell the shit caked in your ass crack it doesn't matter how smooth your game is or how shredded you are, your approach is going to suffer - and unless your wife is a total freak the perfume of smegma eminating from your crotch will stop you from getting a BJ 10/10 times. + +Without further ado 60 DoD: Hygiene. + +#**Hair** + +If you're bald, you've lucked out. Your male pattern baldness has given you the opportunity to do as little as possible and be in the right. Shave it. Embrace it and stop crying. + +For everyone like me with nice hair: + +If you hair smells, rinse it out. After you go to the gym and sweat hard? Rinse it. After BJJ, boxing, muay thai or a swim? Rinse it. I'm not saying you have to use shampoo every time - I have been doing that NoPoo thing for a long time but hell make sure you actually get your hair wet and scrub water through it. **PAUSE** I said scrub THROUGH it. Don't just rub the water or soap on top of your hair - wash both your hair AND your scalp. + +For the underachiever: I don't know why I need to say this but I know some of you have terrible dandruff and you're still using Old Spice body wash on your head. Actually care about your image, it's one thing to have a condition, it's another to have a condition and do fuck all to curb it. + +Pick a hair style and actually stick to it. If you haven't changed since the 9th grade when your mom told the Supercuts lady to ""give my son a really cool haircut."" You're off the boat. + +Pluck or shave or trim your unibrow. + +Keep your beard tidy. If you are trying to use your beard to cover up your weak beta chin at least do yourself a service and don't [trim too high.](https://images.app.goo.gl/2BZ5Xra2TAEqqnqX8)  I know fuck all about beards, ask u/hornsofapathy. I look like I recently hit puberty. But the barbers I know seem to roughly say 1 or 2 fingers above your Adam's apple. Do your own research. But most importantly don't look like an amish guy unless you want amish guy results. + +#**Teeth / Breath** + +A big package of whitening strips costs like 20 bucks. Use them on your drive to work for two weeks. I'm not going to elaborate on this a ton - but if your smile looks like [this guy](https://images.app.goo.gl/Tn9kDsn6jbyt6m6XA) you need to get your teeth situation fixed. They are called pearly whites, not corny yellows. + +• Brushing Regularly + +If you don't brush at LEAST twice a day I don't know what the fuck you're doing. + +Once in the morning. + +Once before bed. + +Once after you eat something that makes your breath smell bad. Twice if you ate curry. + +And once whenever you can taste an ambient flavor on your tongue. + +Also grab some mints and put them next to your bed, don't make a habit out of allowing people to smell your shitty breath - especially the one you're sleeping next to. + +#**BO / Cologne** + +At this point I feel like I'm writing a guide for middle schoolers but I've met many of you outside of Reddit and discord who desperately need these directions. If this weeks DoD doesn't apply to you, pat yourself on the back. + +Pick a few scents you like. u/RocknRollChuck has a great guide on colognes. And use them. Train people to like being around you. And for Christ's sake, wear your deodorant. + +A new french guy joined my gym and smells like day old Burger King. At the end of class you can smell every person he rolled with - and at this point I avoid him because I know I'll have to scrub off his gross ass sweat from my Gi. + +Protip: *don't make a habit of making subconscious pairings between ""you"" and ""disgust"" in other people's minds.* + +If you smell - shower. + +>inb4 but... but... but... my dry skin! + +The same stuff that applies to your teeth applies to your rotten stinky body. + +#**Hands and Nails** + +Trim your nails  and wash your hands unless you don't care about girls wanting you in proximity to their pussies. Especially before sex. End of section. If you need me to spell this out for you, you're a lost cause. + +#**[Cock](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/fYiacEeW9r), [Balls](https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/s/nUDDWDm0J2), and [Asshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/4xHp6WYMZX)** + +Scrub them, then Scrub again. If you want your dick to go into some girls mouth, smelling funk or *literal actual shit* is not going to get you very far. + +As far as pubes go, I'm not going to say to shave them so you look like a porn star, but unless your wife/ltr has a snaggle tooth, don't let your bush be long enough for her to accidentally floss while blowing you. 8 inch pube on the tongue is a good way to kill the vibe. + +#**Clothing** + +I've seen how many of you dress. Get rid of the sweatstained ketchup shirts. If you are raking in 100k+ and are thinking of posting in the r/toolivelybedrooms sub to get help because your nuts are skinny enough for striped pajamas you can ignore this. But the rest of you are keeping *shit* because it's familiar and comfortable. + +I dare you to go through your underwear and socks then throw out *every single pair of that has holes.* Then post pictures of yourself crying in OYS because you lost all of your underwear. + +#**Final Word** + +Okay, let me take a step back for a moment. Mask off. There is a lot of stuff that we are all trying to improve on - lifting, working harder, leveling up our social skills, and internal emotional frame. It's difficult. And for many of us, we are doing this in direct opposition to the vile woman we created who is trying to shove our faces into the mess we made previously. + +These improvements begin with small daily ritiuals - grooming, preparing mindset and addressing our shortcomings. Harder yet this all has to be done without  ego compelling us to cling to old beta, pathetic behaviors and that shit *sucks* because if we admit those habits are failing, then shit... ""maybe that means I am a failure."" + +It is an important balancing act to manage in the pursuit of building frame, one that is so easy to distort. In the beginning it feels good to simply reject anything that isn't directly about your own pursuits and happiness. There's a certain type of nihilism associated with this stage because you attempt to only ""care"" about your own desires. But ultimately it makes you unlikeable. ""Who cares what other people think about my clothes? Fuck 'em."" Bad long term strategy to get what you want and honestly I hear many people find this pathway ultimately lacking. + +You are allowed to value what other people think, as a matter of fact it is incredibly important to value it. You simply learn to use those opinions as information, rather than as iron-clad rules of right and wrong. + +Here is the real cheat code: The easiest way to start off on a good foot with someone is to be clean, fit, relatively manicured and well dressed, to smell good, and to smile with clean teeth. Everything else comes after. So go wash your balls.",,83,Praexology,1699542605.0 +marriedredpill,17ppruw,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 07, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,1699345808.0 +marriedredpill,17m24lt,60 Days of Dread Week 2: Eating for Health and Fitness,"*“Let those who think they are big, remind themselves that they are too small yet for body dysmorphia to have set in.”* + + +- Seneca + + +Fuck. Off. Fatties. + + +We’ve spent enough time talking about how to not be fat. If you’re an adult and still don’t know how to achieve this miraculous feat then I don’t know what to tell you. + + +If that makes you sad, go eat a fucking cake. You know how. + + +This one is for the skeletors out there ([although… he was actually jacked af right?](https://youtu.be/nqhLn76kCv0?si=nBes1le08EVRzEvw)). Yes tonight we will unmask, scooby doo style, that most mysterious of mysteries, that elusive one weird trick to getting jacked and… [wait… it was just a plate of hamburgers?](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CytqLNpugFd/?igshid=MDI3ODU5M2RlNw==) + + +That’s right: it’s bulking time. + + +Or rather, the complete cycle of turning your shit around. Yes: today we will not only be addressing how to get somewhere as where you should be going in the first place. + + +[There is simply no need to claim that you’re 5’11”, 230lbs and “carry the weight well” nor that you are 180lbs at 6’2” and “at your genetic limit”.](https://www.strongerbyscience.com/your-drug-free-muscle-and-strength-potential-part-1/) + + +No, no, no, no. This is not very “red pill”. [We have ample empirical evidence on what can and can’t be achieved.](https://www.strongerbyscience.com/your-drug-free-muscle-and-strength-potential-part-2/) If you choose not to do it, that your adamantium [Frame](https://images.app.goo.gl/DcA6CCTBSCZ8krKX7) and airtight [Game](https://youtu.be/n_T6kJo5VjI?si=T95TfdRAJymXV2Cx) trump the ugly little sibling [Looks](https://youtu.be/wyx6JDQCslE?si=SzPfsCAYJko52Y2f), then there are lots of [safe spaces for you](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/s/e6WOe0qFPE). + + +Now if you’re fat, [stop eating until you’re not](https://youtube.com/@SnakeDiet?si=JzkSRELuhsgKH9bT). + + +Did you do it? + + +Ok. Now you and current Mr Skeltals can read on. + + +**Enter the bulk plan** + + +Now while the internet’s latest [plausible quack](https://images.app.goo.gl/L8wn3VdoGnxZ7F9r5) points out ([admittedly correctly](https://mennohenselmans.com/gain-muscle-and-lose-fat-at-the-same-time/)) that you absolutely can gain muscle in a deficit, and even morer at maintenance, the problem with recomping is that if you recomp from a fat 160lbs to a lean 160lbs: you still weight 160lbs. + + +[In a subreddit where people believe a 1,000lb total is impressive](https://www.muscleandfitness.com/athletes-celebrities/news/jeremy-smith-is-the-worlds-strongest-dwarf/), we need to [set some healthier expectations.](https://mennohenselmans.com/strength-standards-for-natural-lifters/) + + +I encourage you to work out what your final form is: weight and lifts in detail using the linked resources above but here is the down and dirty method. + + +**Your AFF (Approximate Final Form) = your height in cm - 90** + + +Your TEL (Targetted Ego Lifts) I.e. the lifts which would correspond to that height, weight and desired bf % can be calculated [here](http://www.strongur.io/body_fat_calculator/). + + +But again the down and dirty method is: OHP = 1 x AFF, bench = 1.5 AFF, squat = 2 x AFF, deadlift = 2.5 AFF. Everything else is just weak points and learning to lift more efficiently. + + + +Your RSM (Range of Sexual Magnetism) = is between 12% and 15% + + + +Your RGG (Rate of Gross Gainz) = 0.6lbs + + +Your RNG (Rate of Net Gainz) = 0.4lbs + + +Your RGS (Rate of Gross Shreddening) = 1.5 - 3.0lbs + + +**The Bulkening** + + +A 175cm lifter produces an AFF of 85kg at 12%. He’d know he was there when he weighed that and could also hit TEL’s of bench 125kg x 8 and squat 165kg x 8. + + +If he weighs more than that, he drops weight until he doesn’t. Once he is in skeltal mode, we begin. + + +He bulks at the RGG until he hits the upper RSM (15% bf). A bodyweight of 76kg, hit in approximately 20 weeks. Then cuts at the RGS until he hits the lower RSM boundary of 12%. Which should be approximately 74kg, hit in about 3 weeks. + + +Rinse/repeat. + + + +No need for DEXA. Just model the cut and bulk scenarios out in Excel using the data from the calculators - just like the example I am too lazy to provide - each 1lb increase in body weight, will increase LBM by 0.66lbs and fat mass by 0.33lbs. Assume weight loss on a cut will be 100% fat loss + + + +You can also set TEL for the incremental goal bodyweights I.e the times you’re going to hit the RSM and have to reverse direction. + + + +*Notes* + + +- my example was calculated at a very conservative RNG of 50:50, fat/muscle and 0 LBM gained cutting. In reality you should be doing better than that on both, at least in the first year or two. + + +- you are not going to look any fatter doing this. + + +Every percentage point below 10% bf looks different + + +10-12% looks the same + + +12-15% looks the same + + +15-18% looks the same + + +I am physically incapable of looking at people over that range. + + +Don’t forget you are not just slapping on fat: you are increasing your total mass I.e. each pound of fat has a lesser impact on your bf % as you grow. + + +- There’s a few ways of skinning the training here. Three days a week on a cut lends itself nicely to carb/calorie cycling. [Cutting is also an excellent time to hit PR’s.](https://www.reddit.com/r/weightroom/s/KyUyREUYTW) + + +- Bulking is a time for more volume imo. Both for the stimulus but also to hit weak points through more assistance work, different angles etc. I think it’s healthy to change programs every 12-18 weeks. + + +- As you get bigger, (an honest) 18% will look fine and you’ll likely get comfortable going there which will increase your bulking runway by several weeks. + + +- Eat 1g protein per lb bodyweight MINIMUM. The fitness community has drifted further and further to the minimum here over the years but from experience I prefer 1.5g + + +- I’m relaxed on the rest, although higher carb is likely more optimal, [whatever you do choose I think you should be fairly consistent on.](https://www.reddit.com/r/leangains/s/baEWvEDVhR) Too much variety will fuck with your weight trend and your head + + + +- The food? [Jesus that is worth less words than losing weight](https://youtu.be/mcNe1I8X2fg?si=rmy-O_l8RjZBXMfs) but: chocolate milk, peanuts, pizza, pasta, gummy bears. [If you really don’t know how to consume 4,000kcals a day - easily](https://youtu.be/Hq7X10S3SHA?si=o98D7UGIvbzytNAV) - then, again, idk what to tell you? + + +- use an adaptive TDEE sheet and MFP. When your average weight gain, when measured over two weeks, falls below the RGG, increase calories by 5%. + + +- do not adjust your calories sooner and also go in hard. Your weight will likely shoot up in the first two weeks but that is going to be from: increased stomach content, rehydration if you were on a serious cut, water retention from higher salt intake and from DOMS via more volume - DOMS can cause serious water retention ime. If it’s still the same, you’re probably still in a slight deficit. Don’t waste a bunch of weeks trying to get into a surplus. + + +Using this method you can get 90% of where you’ll ever get to in 12-18 months. From there I let my weight gradually drift up and about twice a year dial things in to lean out, in a similar but less structured way to above. I also branched out in training rather than eek out another S/B/D PR semi annually, which imo results in a better physique, strength and lower risk of injury. + + +[Tell me. Have you tried trying?](https://www.reddit.com/r/gainit/s/ZqhEXjimVi)",,25,[deleted],1698927296.0 +marriedredpill,17lcwvo,Wife wants to go out with no explanation,"Currently in process of reading through side bar, watched all BPP stuff and reading No More Mr. Nice Guy now. And I’m currently lifting as well. Been doing this for about 3 weeks to a month now. + +Last night I took the kids trick or treating after taking photos while wife stayed home to give you candy. We ate dinner and put the kids to sleep and then went to the bedroom. + +After a bit the wife and I got into a fight after she asked me to post photos of our family and I said no. She asked why and I said because I don’t want to. After that we had sex, then went to sleep. + +Today I went to work and now she asks me to be home on time today, says she wants to go out without kids. This is the first time she’s ever asked to do this in two years (we live far from family and friends and she doesn’t like to go out) + + I asked where she was going and she said “out” and I just said did my best to NGAF and say okay. Any advice on what I need to do to handle this, or is just not worrying about it the best option? + +Edit: You guys are mostly saying why I didn’t just post the pic. I thought it was a shit test, but I see now that I misread the situation and acted like an idiot. Thanks for the advice.",,43,woo199112,1698847561.0 +marriedredpill,17lg4v2,There’s no alpha/beta dichotomy,"People are very careful to explain how it’s necessary to balance alpha and beta characteristics while maintaining a LTR. This totally makes sense, especially if you’re serious about passing shit tests and comfort tests. However, there’s another way to look at being an “alpha” male. From what I know from my studies in other walks of life, the concept of the alpha male comes from Franz Van der Waal when he studied chimpanzee troops. He distinguishes the alpha male chimp as the “empathizer in chief”. + +If you think of it this way, there’s nothing “beta” about providing comfort to your woman when she’s looking for comfort. Providing comfort comes from your ability to be empathic, which is an inherently strong trait. A true alpha male isn’t necessarily the biggest, baddest, scariest dude ever. He’s simply the one who is in tune with what the family needs, and strong enough to provide what is necessary in any given circumstance. This can definitely manifest as gentleness, playfulness, and concern. + +It’s basically a semantic distinction, but I think it’s hard for us to behave in certain ways out of fear of being a beta. I find it helpful to remember what I learned about the alpha male concept from the chimp guy.",,26,itsyourbirthdayz,1698856403.0 +marriedredpill,17kg994,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 31, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,9,AutoModerator,1698741009.0 +marriedredpill,17hqdb3,60 Days of Dread Week 1: Lifting for life,"Why hello there + + +I see you’ve been banished to your man cave, while your wife’s boyfriend wrecks the marital bed, and came here to reaffirm your life choices with some spooky stories of the dreaded “Divorce Rape”… under the blankets of course - lest the validation boogeyman get you. + + +But it’s just me here this spooktober night. In my smoking singlet, peering over my half-moon spectacles at the lifting sections of OYS, clucking my tongue and wearily shaking my head. + + +But of course, whether you’re some dumb motherfucker that thinks [5x5 is the greatest thing ever](https://plagueofstrength.com/rule-of-five-part-1/), and can’t even squat 315lbs, or the eleventy billionth genius to discover the “secrets” of [HIT](https://youtu.be/W-GPEer-fJ0), [ketogenic diets](https://sci-fit.net/ketogenic-diet-fat-muscle-performance/), or [kettlebells](https://startingstrength.com/training/strength_is_not_specific) that have eluded us, mere mortals, for so long, everyone on MRP is an expert on lifting. + + +You wouldn’t be interested in my reflections and influences, would you? + + +What’s that? + + +You would? + + +Well then simply allow yourself to ruminate as I illuminate ***the number one issue plaguing our MRP lifters right now: not actually lifting.*** + + +Confused? You should be. + +&#x200B; + +But fear not gentle reader: I shall explain. + + +Now whether you’re one of my obsessed fanboys or merely supped from the throbbing center of my wisdom, you’ve probably pieced together some of my stats but here they are for the avoidance of doubt: I’m 5’9”, 85kg, and between 12-15% bf. I have been higher and way lower, this is just where I think I look the best. I high pull 120kg, rep out 320kg shrugs, zercher squat 160kg and do endless sets overhead pressing 90kg for 2-5 reps and, because you likely don’t understand any of that, squat 195kg, bench 140kg, deadlift 240kg without too much difficulty after not having done those lifts for over 18 months. I won’t try more because powerlifting is gay and yes you can quote me on that. I can do dragon flags, the world's shakiest iron cross, front levers, and other shit I’m sure you learn on the first day of a gymnastics class. + + +But what you might not know is that I started all this at 57kg/125lbs. I have a hole in my heart and two separate conditions that have hospitalized me several times. I have a small frame. I didn’t do sports in school. And I now have at least two blown-out disks. In the time I’ve been lifting, I’ve also been married, divorced, managed corporate raids, been fired, laid off, relocated many times, managed a young family, lost loved ones had my own health scares, and generally all the other distractions people seem to think are totally unique to their lives. + + +[Fortunately, I did win the existential lottery by growing up in the eighties.](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyoX_1Vu_R9/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) Bruce Lee had healed his totally severed spinal cord through the power of being highly motivated. White Rocky informed us that life wasn’t about how hard you could hit, it was about how hard you could get hit while [black Rocky hauntingly admonished us that there would not in fact be a tomorrow](https://youtu.be/xOexsrrcYOI?si=b1WrkSt37TqEnMbm). + + + +**[This shit isn’t complicated: you just have to fucking do it.](https://npcnewsonline.com/powerbuilding-you-dont-grow-in-the-gym/63930/)** + + + +***But muh back hurts!*** + + +[Google is your friend](https://www.westside-barbell.com/blogs/the-blog/louie-simmons-reverse-hyper). Try “lifts I can do with lower back/upper back/bicep/knee/wrist/nose pain” you will find countless results. I know a guy that tore off his bicep and trained legs everyday until it healed. He’d also put the wrist cuffs from a cable machine on his elbows and do quasi rows/flyes with them. + + +***Muh family commitments!*** + + +Times I have found good to have workouts: 5am. 10am. 2pm. 5pm. 11pm. 3am. [Yes I have lifted at 3am.](https://www.pedestrian.tv/health/we-pulled-an-all-nighter-at-a-24-hour-gym-to-see-who-lifts-at-3am/) Places: commercial gyms, home gyms, Crossfit gyms under seedy downtown bridges. + + +***Muh lift plateaus!*** + + +[Eat more. All your lifts will immediately go up.](https://www.reddit.com/r/weightroom/s/KNpyyta7Vy) + + +***Muh deload!*** + + +[Deload?](https://www.strongerbyscience.com/periodization-history-theory/) Bitch you need to [fucking RELOAD.](http://www.nasgaweb.com/forum/an-interesting-discussion-off-of-john-brozs-site_topic15108.html)Change up your lifts, add more volume and eat more. + + +***Muh squat form!*** + + +[Do a different lift.](http://mythicalstrength.blogspot.com/2017/06/go-home-powerlifting-youre-drunk.html)If you don’t have the coordination to squat: fucking leg press for fuck’s sake. [If you think a leg press doesn’t work your legs](https://www.strongerbyscience.com/free-weights-vs-machines/) or worse are worried about missing out on the [“hormonal cascade” caused by squats…](https://shopbuilder.eu/squat-increases-testosterone-truth-or-bullshit-a21071) we have bigger problems here. + + +***But muh form?*** + + +Look squatting less than 315lbs is not squatting. It's some odd form of public masturbation as well as basically skipping leg day. As is whatever you guys bench, press etc I understand the desire to be strong but if you are currently weak as a kitten, [you are far better served going ham on some machines and then playing with the barbell.](https://www.reddit.com/r/531Discussion/s/z1vCMew9mv) + +&#x200B; + +***Hur dur I don't even need to lift, I have Frame!*** + +&#x200B; + +Probably. I got plenty of girls as a 140lb twink and my paychecks always seem to come from DYEL dudes but this isn't about how much you can lift. We're addressing your excuses here. + +&#x200B; + +***So what do?*** + +&#x200B; + +These 60 days of dread: maybe you should fucking try trying? Who knows? It just might stick. + + +&#x200B; + +**Conclusion** + + + +That’s it. That's all I got for you. [When life gives you lemons, use them to sterilise your glass pipe, smoke some meth and get your ass back in the gym.](https://abcnews.go.com/Health/meth-substance-found-craze-workout-supplement-report/story?id=20572095) + + +[As lifetime natural lifter, the Ultimate Warrior](https://youtu.be/Q46l70mNmCw), would perhaps advise us: [Find. A. Way. To. Keep. Moving. Forward.](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwaLGJiB_NA/) + + + +Drop your own personal excuses ITT and myself and fellow bona bro scientists u/alpha_wolflord9 u/Cam_winston21 and u/Becomingabetterman1 will give you tailored and conflicting advice for the next 60 days.",,54,[deleted],1698421222.0 +marriedredpill,17gyko3,One year field report,"One year field report of the MRP. Been here for a year and time to move on but on the way out going to give a field report of how things went. The wheels flew off two years ago when I got the I love you but I can’t do this anymore and I need some time. She moved out and divorce papers came a week later. After a three month separation she moved back in and reconciled. Before she moved back in she admitted to going on a few dates during our separation but after figuring out shit didn’t add up I went through her phone and found the worst case scenario. Not only did I find out how many other guys she slept with and what they did in detail but also how she felt about me. The point being I started from worse then fucked. I wanted to keep the family together blamed myself and wanted to live the Disney fantasy so I stayed. For the year following I tried to be the best beta. I worked less, help around the house more, took her on more vacations, went to counseling and basically gave into everything she told me she wanted, but something was still off. Sex went from once a month to once a week but I didn’t feel any desire. It was like she was staying out of guilt and because I was doing everything, she told me she wanted. She was depressed and anxious and would tell me it was a mistake to come back. +A year ago I found the MRP here is how it went. Started with reading the sidebar and shortly after started lifting. Here is what I learned. The things that were game changers were frame, outcome independence, being attractive and having the skill to create attraction. You can read all you want and the info contained in the side bar is gold but you still have to implement it. There is a lot of faking it till you make it but if you don’t fake it you won’t make it. It takes a lot of trial and error to master passing shit test and as you change and the dread kicks in they will come with greater frequency. There was a lot of anger and hamstring on my part. Lifting was probably more valuable mentally then it was physically. Nothing changes until you are in your frame and are outcome independent. It took hitting the nuke button and a main event for me to finally get there. +Today I have a pleasant non anxious non depressed wife that likes having sex with me. This is what worked for me. Before the MRP the stay plan was to give her whatever she wanted to try to make her happy. After the MRP the stay plan was the go plan. I was faking this at first but after enough faking it became natural. The bad thing was I was basically so fucked when I started it was laughable, the good thing was I had nothing to lose. With this nothing to lose attitude I eventually had no fear and living in my frame became easier over time. Over my 20 year marriage she threatened divorce regularly and I always gave into demands. The last time she threatened to leave I hit the nuke button and meant it. She had to beg me to stay instead of the other way around. This changed I the game and now I am the prize. Now she couldn’t imagine living without me and I would be comfortable leaving. + I found this place after a google search on if your marriage can survive after infidelity. The prevailing advice on the MRP was no. This is how I eventually handled the situation. My hamster ran for a long time and when I was faking it I could put on a appearance that it didn’t affect me but it did. Lifting helped a lot with this. If my hamster was running I just lifted until I was so tired my hamster gave up. I eventually became outcome independent and stopped giving a fuck. What if she left me, good I can go out and upgrade. What if she cheated again, good I now have free range to go spin plates. Can I trust her to not do that again no but who cares one door shuts another one opens. When I thought about the texts I read between her and other men the hamster would go into overdrive. I had a Madonna whore complex for quite a while. At some point I stopped putting her on a pedestal and made the decision to not worry about it and to make her my whore. I used to hamster about why did she do things with them that she never did with me. The honest answer is because I didn’t ask out of fear and shame and she simply wasn’t attracted to me. Without these barriers today I do whatever I want. I make her fulfill my fantasies and to my surprise she rarely says no. +My advice for guys that are as fucked as I once was. Decide what you want. Read the sidebar to give you the skill to go get that. Do the work until you achieve outcome independence and live in your frame. Adopt the nothing to lose mentality. On paper I do have a lot to lose. I have a mid 7 figure net worth and 4 kids. I could lose half of both. Although I would rather not lose half of both I would do it in a heartbeat if it meant going back to the way things were before. None of that shit is worth anything if you aren’t living the way you want. The funny thing is I probably have less risk of that happening now vs before. +",,81,dmk078,1698332701.0 +marriedredpill,17f7ykv,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 24, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,7,AutoModerator,1698136210.0 +marriedredpill,17bygnk,FR: Weddings Are Fun,"(HUGE EDIT: No! This is not my own wedding.) + +This wedding was highly anticipated, with about 125 guests in a nice suburban outdoor venue. My wife, who is part of the bridal party bought two green dresses and expressed her desire match colors with me by asking if I had anything green and “wedding casual” to wear, since it’s outdoors. I STFU about it for weeks. + +Wedding day eventually came around. Bridal party was scheduled to arrive at 12:30 for photos; however, guests were not scheduled to arrive until 4:30, for a 5:30 wedding. My wife wanted me to be there around 3 pm… in something green. + +Like any desirable husband, I arrived a little bit after 4:30, in something that is not green. I also dressed one level higher than what most men wore because I’m a cave man. I don’t know what “Wedding Casual” means. I entered the venue and navigated through a couple of, “Oh! You look nice…” from some female acquaintances, which were followed by, “your wife is over there.” The only response I gave was a smile and a “Thank you.” + +I eventually found my wife chatting with a girlfriend while holding a glass of Prosecco. + +Me: What’s up girl?! + +Wife: Where have you been? Blah Blah Blah… (Shit Test) + +Me: Damn girl! I love it when you talk to me like that. Bully me some more so I can cum. *As I take her drink from her hand, grab her ass, and pull her in for a kiss.* (Shit Test Dissolved) + +As the evening progressed, the “You look nice” compliments from women didn’t stop. I alternated between “Thank you” and “I figured I’d shower for a wedding.” There were also two single girls who kept doing a fly-by and making small talk with me about a joke that they heard me say to someone else. I was having quite the fun. Everything was happening in front of my wife. + +I eventually isolated myself to light a cigar I brought with me. I didn’t want the smoke to bother people. While doing so, an older woman gravitated and sparked up a conversation after smelling the cigar. Another woman followed to say how much she loves the smell of cigars. Soon after, I found myself in the middle of a huddle of guys and girls, while telling a wild fucking story. My little audience was hooked, but I saw my wife had drifted away. + +I cut the story short and approached my wife again with some flirty funny shit I say. Not long after, she grabbed me by my wrist and told me “I wanna suck your dick. Come!” **I laughed** as she went door to door, looking for a place to do it until she found a bathroom. I just stood and pulled me penis out through the zipper but she said, “Undo your belt. This is gonna be messy.” She didn’t lie. She quite literally blew my brains out. Therefore, I complimented her by telling her I appreciate her wearing bright red lipstick that didn’t transfer on my dick. “Good girl.” + +I know I said **I laughed**. I didn’t laugh because I was about to get a blowjob. I laughed because I knew it was going to happen at the first, “You look nice.” I also knew her shit test at the sight of me was for her security. I was laughing at the matrix. + +After the BJ, we went back outside to socialize. I found it quite amusing to see two drops of dried jizz on my wife’s cleavage. We didn’t stay long after. We left and fucked again after we got home. + +I hope you saw that this is not a wedding story or a blowjob story. This story is about frame. It’s about dread. It’s about passing shit tests. It’s about social status. It’s about preselection. It’s about game. It’s about being attractive. + +I’ll close with this… I had a somber moment after I saw how happy the groom was. It was somber because I knew that on the very next day, there will be no DJ, no cake, no party, balloons, friends, etc. He’s going to be alone, asking himself what the fuck happened and how his life turned to shit.",,65,2wo2wo3hree,1697762617.0 +marriedredpill,17b8rob,FR: The Narcissist,"Last night I went to a social event, lecture and dinner. In front of me I notice a fat (excess 220 pounds) late 50s man, with what surprisingly looks like his wife or partner next to him. I can’t see their faces but I’m surprised how slender (nice ass) the wife looks from behind (I later confirm that it is his wife). + +When the talk is over, I get a good look. The dude is a 3. 4 if I am charitable. Massively overweight, bulging eyes, clearly a heavy drinker. He wears a jacket and a pair of jeans that help him look presentable though the awful body. He wears cologne. He looks like presentable shit. The wife is a pleasant 7, mid 30s. + +Dinner seat are assigned and I’m next to the guy, he is on my left. To my right is a cutie. Dinner start and the guys starts talking. He is loud, really, really loud, in a way I have never experienced before, and his speech has some weird inflections, slurs his words a little and is very charged by default. The speech is all about him. No questions, just narrative, I, I, I and more I. And I notice something bizarre: I find it very difficult to shift my attention from him. I start talking to the people on my right and notice we are all struggling to speak to one another because the dude is so loud we have trouble keeping focus on our own conversation. There is no space for it. There is only space for the guy, and he does not give a fuck, or maybe he really does. + +I decide I’m not going to indulge this asshole with no manners with my attention and so I purposely continue my conversation on the right and I help the people there not get stopped by his droning loud voice. This requires an effort. He start to take quick glances to the right: “Why are we not listening to him?” “Why are we engaged in other conversations”, I can tell he is not used to this reaction. After a few more minutes he stops, tucks his chin in, crosses his arms across his chest and falls silent. + +Good, I did not have to be a tool for this asshole the whole dinner through and I put him in the rightful place he belongs to in kinder-garden: neglect. + +But I notice one thing and it impresses me. When the dinner started the cutie next to me, 30 years his junior, could not help her self really, really lean into it. It was candy. She was hypnotised. As he spoke to her in a weird, extremely loud and inherently dismissive tone “What law firm from you said your husband worked for?” “Ah… that one… yeah” she was all forward, non stop IOIs. + +While I spoke to her that evening, there was exactly none of that. All pleasant, all courteous and exactly zero tingles. + +Now, my ambition in life is not to became Jabba the Hutt the Narcissist. It’s just not what I’m up to. And putting my ego aside I’m stunned to see that it works. It just works in a way that defies every convention. + +I promise you, you would not want to have dinner with this guy, he was obnoxious, he is ugly, and you would definitely not put 2 cents on **anyone** wanting to fuck him, anyone. Never mind a cute girl 30 years his junior. And you’d be wrong. If he kept doing what he was doing he could have fucked her that night. + +I have a lot to learn. + +\*For clarity this was my first life encounter with someone that clearly operated by default outside of social conventions with superficial dis-regard of anyone around him. This was not someone with a big ego, this was something else. It was like being at dinner with a lesser Donald Trump.",,31,TitanUranus_88,1697683746.0 +marriedredpill,17au626,60 Days of Dread 2023,"Hold on to your fedoras, you simpy, squishy, swashbucklers. I have arranged for 8 weeks of specific behavioral spoon-feeding to start around the end of this month (Thursday October 26) and wrap up before we celebrate ~~capitalism~~ Christmas. + +You will have the opportunity to submit yourselves to the instructions of those accomplishing the things you dream about while you fall asleep each night. This has the potential to rapidly advance how attractive you are and mitigate how unattractive you are. + +I will be looking for you to address these posts each week in OYS. Those of you who fail to do anything productive with it will find a ban in your stocking on Dec 25th. + +&#x200B;",,54,ragnar_Daneskjold,1697644721.0 +marriedredpill,17a5k6u,[FR] Coconut Oil Spa,"The Coconut Oil Spa. + +This FR is for noobs like me. This was my first experiment with DEVI, with great success. Might not work for pussies and absolute beta bitches. But nut up, noobs. + +Read the Coconut Oil Spa experience somewhere here or in the sidebar. Decided to give it a try as my first DEVI experiment. Basic tools: Coconut oil - in a cup. 3-4 tablespoons will do. Candles. Diffuser (with lights) purchased on Amazon. Phone with bluetooth speaker (speaker optional). Notepad/paper and pencil. 2 Bath towels. One to lay on bed, one for her to wear. + +I gathered together all necessary materials in secret. Wife was reading in Living Room - nighttime. Now my wife loves massages. Historically I hate to give them so I said shit like - just go pay for one. + +Not tonight. I place and light candles in bedroom. Set diffuser up - red light on. Spa music via youtube piped into speaker. Made up a fake services list for the ""MeLuvYouLongTime Spa"". Basis for many future jokes after the fact. Ask for name, age, checkboxes for the parts that need massages (did not list breasts or vagina - perhaps a pussy move in the end, but gotta walk before you run). Did list bottom. Asks how you want it - hard, medium, gentle. + +Bedroom door is closed. I'm not quite done. I stand in front. You can't come in. Puzzled, amused look. I say just a minute. Finish checklist and re-appear. Welcome her to Spa. Walk her to bed. Hand her checklist, tell her to fill it out, undress, and that I will be back in a few minutes. Come back a few minutes later. She is all prepped. Naked under towel. She lists her age as 24 1/2. My wife is 42 1/2. She is immersed in play. + +I give her a solid massage, not neglecting any part of her body. I make sure her feet and hands rub against my hard manhood while I massage them. I tell her to flip over. Again, do a solid actual massage job. I then put my hands all over thighs and breasts. We proceed to have very enjoyable sex. + +Context: My wife is coming off a hard miscarriage, with hospitalization. Dr. says no PIV for 6 weeks. This is at week 5 - I am bursting at the seams. I need her to be available. This opened the door. + +Next Couple Weeks: Multilple references to MeLuvYouLongTime in conversation. Experience repeated with less fanfare (no request sheet or candles). Same good result. + +TL; DR: Noobs, don't underestimate your wife's desire to play. I did.",,17,RobertTheBruce1329,1697568570.0 +marriedredpill,179tksg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 17, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,8,AutoModerator,1697531409.0 +marriedredpill,174g3fk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 10, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1696926609.0 +marriedredpill,16yukid,[FR] MRP explains my entire marriage,"Putting things in an alpha/beta context explains my entire marriage. Writing it out in case it helps anyone else, as it feels so textbook that it’s almost a meme. I thought my wife had BPD at one point and was sure that she was the problem. In reality, she’s a typical woman. I, on the other hand, have changed a lot and seen exactly what happens at every step. + +My wife spent the first ~3 years of our relationship being intensely devoted and attracted to me. At the time, I thought she was clingy. In hindsight, I can see that it’s because I had high alpha and low beta without meaning to. I passively dreaded the crap out of this woman. Some examples: + +- I had never seriously committed to anyone before I met her, despite having women who were interested. She often gave me shit for being a “player” and often asked about my sexual past, while I gave very little information. + +- I was busy, leading me to take a long time to text back and have limited time to hang out. I often had other plans and things to do. + +- I had almost no jealousy or insecurity. I didn’t care at all what she was doing and assumed I was her priority. Zero mate guarding unless she needed protection from a creep. + +- I strongly held on to my alone time and hobbies. + +- I was calm, nonchalant, outgoing, and funny at the same time. I got along with people easily and was often told that I was charismatic. + +- I had a circle of attractive and successful friends, quite a few being women, who threw house parties. + +- I was modeling part-time, which again meant that I was around attractive women at my agency. + +- I was often late to dates and sometimes flaky with plans. Shitty, I know. + +- I frequently took solo trips and trips with friends, so she often missed me and wanted to know what I had been up to. I sometimes missed important dates and holidays with her. Shitty, I know. + +- I was a bit cold emotionally and didn’t like to get too vulnerable. + +- I was overly logical and not good at responding to her emotional distress. I would get frustrated by it or try to fix her problems. + +- She did the majority of the chores. + +- She made more money than me and paid for a lot of our activities together. + +- I used to post on social media more often, and had some thirsty commenters. + +- Her friends and family often said she did a “good job”, sometimes in front of me, which was code for “you pulled a higher SMV man, nice!” It put her on alert. + +- I had ambitious goals and chased them relentlessly, seeing results. + +- Her emotions were always engaged, as I had some drama going on that added to the need to chase me. + +So what happened? She thought about me all the time. She tried really hard to impress me and lock me down. She comfort tested me constantly, which got on my nerves. She offered anything I wanted sexually. She missed me as soon as I was gone. She would try to make me jealous and go into hamster overdrive when I was chill about it. + +All this was despite me genuinely loving her back and being communicative and affectionate. I was romantic and thoughtful when I wanted to be. It was never enough because she was head over heels and terrified of losing me. She said I love you first and I didn’t say it back for another few months. She pushed for us to live together and get married. I resisted for a while and finally went for it. + +We got married at the beginning of the pandemic. I went through some personal shit soon after, and then I let myself drown in my depression. Gained weight, played video games all day, stayed up all night, became whiny/argumentative, and withdrew from everyone, including her. I already didn’t have beta, and now I didn’t have alpha either. I was dead weight. She wasn’t happy, but spent a really long time trying to chase me into giving her attention and probably being who I used to be. Eventually she got tired of it and lost respect and attraction. I killed the magic. She started talking about divorce. + +I panicked. I was so used to her chasing me that I never considered her leaving a serious possibility. I made all these promises to change and she was excited about it. But there was a problem… I was trying to summon my old self out of nothing. I lost the pieces that made me that guy and was trying to fake it. I had become insecure and anxious, combative as I said before. She was my number one goal, which is not good. We fought a lot and our flame largely remained dead. + +Time passed while I built beta skills. I started owning my shit around the house, became a great cook, brought back my romance and attention, and handled more crap for us. She saw these changes and decided to give us time. These were things she wanted from me back when I was more alpha. As we know, though, these things aid relationship value, but not sexual value. She appreciated what I was doing, a lot since it was new, but I was missing the rest of the “spark” that made her fall so hard. We still fought and things were often hot and cold. I often got duty sex and denials. As time went on, I got nagged, nitpicked, and criticized despite doing a lot around the house. She took me for granted. + +More time passed. I found MRP. I become obsessed with reading the books as I realized where I went wrong. After fucking around for some months, I decided to start doing the hard work to unfuck my life while keeping the beta skills that I learned. At first, she actually appreciated having time away from me, which stung and made me angry/resentful. I knew it was my fault, though. She had become the prize when I once was, and I had drained her interest by my own failures. As my anger phase cleared, I slowly started to find my footing. + +I’m still working on my MAP as I am new. I’ve been getting my fitness under control, reinvesting in hobbies, practicing STFU, reading (outside of MRP books), rebuilding friendships, and more. I’ve been finding my way to the life I want, slowly building alpha back up. I can tell it’ll take time, maybe 5 months from here as I am one month in. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that the changes themselves are a smaller part than the mentality behind them. You make the changes to reach outcome independence. + +For example, as I’m still working on my frame, sometimes I catch myself doing something (like playing guitar) and hoping she’ll think I’m cool or notice me. Nothing happens when I do that. When I genuinely am in my element and living for myself, it’s like she can immediately tell. I am doing the exact same thing on paper but my energy is different. She then starts seeking out my attention and flaunting herself. It’s almost laughable seeing the matrix for what it is. As I work on things, her attraction is slowly returning. + +In short, my situation wasn’t as unique as I told myself it was. I needed to unfuck my life. She was always a symptom of what I was doing or not doing. I can either guide our ship to hell (and make her want to jump off) or to the best days she’s ever had. I looked back on texts from earlier in our relationship, and in the midst of my flakiness and immaturity, she was outright saying she’d never been so happy. Back then, we both lived in my frame. I did need to change some things, but I always needed to stay on my game and never needed to let her become the center of my life. Happy life makes for happy wife, not vice versa.",,98,mdjfodiepcklrn2,1696346082.0 +marriedredpill,16ymaal,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 03, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,8,AutoModerator,1696321809.0 +marriedredpill,16shzdk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 26, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1695717009.0 +marriedredpill,16qytci,Why do men supplicate and use desperation tactics 25% more than women?,"I'm reading a book called *The Evolution of Desire* and the author is discussing mate retention tactics. According to their studies, men tend to cry, beg, and do anything for the other person in order to keep them 25% more than women, despite the stereotype that women tend to be submissive. He then states that researchers don't yet know why this is the case. + +Of course, having swallowed the red pill, we know about dread as the true mate retention tactics that focus on being strong, decisive, and on your purpose. Anyone who has lingered here for any length of time knows that being anything your partner wants you to be is probably one of the most unattractive things you can do, not to mention incredibly unhealthy. + +If men are traditionally seen as strong, resilient, unemotional, direct, and stable...why do so many lose their backbone and become so low value? Why are there so many love songs when the male is singing about ""doing anything for you"" and ""can't lose you"" and ""you're my everything""? + +From my experience and observation, women don't want a weak supplicator, they want a leader with strength, resources, provision, and stability (and this doesn't have to mean that he makes more $$ than her, these things come in many forms). + +If the stereotypes about men center on strength, why do more men than women resort to weakness in relationships? Is it that many have lower SMV than their wives and they know it (at least subconsciously)? Is it that they tend towards laziness and complacency as the relationships mature? I'm not sure, but I thought I'd throw the question out there to get some feedback from the brilliant minds that occupy in this subreddit :) ",,55,Dances_With_Waves,1695564998.0 +marriedredpill,16ox03l,[FR] getting better and seeing results (1 month report),"I’m seeing changes lately, in myself and in my wife. My changes in the last month: + +- I used to try to fix her problems when she vented. Now that I am less of an idiot, I listen, throw in a lot of “that’s rough”, “what a bitch, i’d be mad too”, and similar responses. She gets that for a little while (maybe 5-10 min) and then I change her mood by turning things into a joke. For example, she was complaining about this bitchy coworker she has recently, so I let her vent and then said “babe, I’m on to you… where are we hiding the body?” when she was like “what??” I doubled down and went “mhm, sure, we’re totally not suspicious in this house” etc until she joined in. She ended up in a great mood. + +- I don’t take her seriously when she’s being bratty. I treat her like she’s, well, being bratty. It doesn’t affect my happiness like it used to. I also generally own my shit, giving her less reasons to be upset. When she’s being nitpicky, I tease her about it and move on with my life because I know it’s nonsense. She has evidently noticed that I don’t take her moods as seriously anymore and appreciates it. My growing level of mental peace and confidence is obvious and feels great to me too. + +- My oneitis is dying. It’s not gone, but I think there are some things about being single that I’d really like. I feel less like “I have to keep her” and more like I am choosing the married guy road over the single guy road. I notice other attractive women, not in a bad way, but in a way where I see options out there. I went to a concert alone recently (never done that before) and had a great time, even made a few friends for the night in the crowd. I didn’t need her to have a good time. Basically, if the married guy road sucks even after I’ve made a lot of progress on my MAP, I think I’ll leave. + +- I am pretty focused on my self-improvement now, and getting better. I lost five pounds this month. I got a big work opportunity recently (that would require us to move states) and I was really proud. A few weeks ago, my wife was saying she didn’t want to move states and throwing a fit. She said she would stay here if I left and I said that’s fine. I realized that even if she was gone, I’d be really excited to pursue this opportunity on my own. Lately, she keeps bringing up that we’re going to move and keeps reading about this city where the job opportunity is. She started looking for jobs there, too. + +- I don’t bitch, whine, or seek validation anymore. I used to really suck at that. Now I know that it’s about respect and attraction 99% of the time, which there’s no point asking for. I just try to work toward my own vision, which is becoming clearer to me. + +My wife initiated shower sex last night. She initiated sex the night before that, too. I initiated earlier today and she turned me down (“my stomach doesn’t feel good”) after a while of making out, and I handled it well (no butthurt). She came back to me after a few minutes, kissed me, and said she wanted to fuck later. She followed through and took it hard. She has also been way more physically and emotionally affectionate, as well as all around happier. She even got up early to do a Starbucks run for me yesterday. She’s doing more around the house, being more thoughtful, and seeking out my attention more in general. She isn’t ovulating (I’m tracking it). + +More than anything, I’m way happier. I feel like a fog is clearing and I can see myself and the world beyond our marriage for the first time in a while. I realized how fucked I let my life get and how much of this has nothing to do with her. I also realized how many great things could happen in my life with or without her. She feels that light tug of the 1000 ft rope as it starts to move.",,101,mdjfodiepcklrn2,1695344851.0 +marriedredpill,16mleeu,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 19, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,1695112209.0 +marriedredpill,16glqd5,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 12, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,1694507410.0 +marriedredpill,16a19nu,Avoid arguments. Focus on your MAP.,"If you’re in a dead or lacking bedroom, you don’t have the power to survive an argument. Your spouse is essentially telling you that they don’t find you attractive as you do them. They don’t think of you as often, they don’t desire you as much. They likely have less respect for you than you do them as well. In other words, your spouse holds the power in your relationship. They are more willing to walk away. + +This will impact everything in your relationship. They’ll be less willing to listen or compromise. They’ll be less appreciative. They’ll have a shorter fuse, higher standards, less interest in intimacy, and less to bring to the table. You’ll seem to constantly be messing up. You may face anger, the silent treatment, neglect, and other poor treatment. They have the power. They are the prize right now, not you. They are higher value. Your treatment reflects your standing in the house. + +This can fuel a lot of hurt, resentment, and anger on your end. It can lead you to lash out, hold grudges, or endlessly try to communicate your needs and wants. You can be as objectively right about your grievances as you want, but NONE OF THIS WILL HELP. If you communicate your needs from a losing position, here’s what you’ll face instead: + +1. Empty promises to shut you up, but no real change + +2. Your partner getting angry in turn at your audacity for saying this + +3. Your partner accusing you of being too emotional, sensitive, needy, etc. + +4. Your partner ignoring you or otherwise being a brick wall to your feelings + +5. Your partner saying they’re already doing that, never did anything wrong, etc. + +What you WILL NOT GET is the caring and effort of an equally interested partner. YOU WON’T. You’ll only make yourself even less attractive in their eyes, especially because they will now know that you have needs/wants that they aren’t meeting, and yet you stay. It communicates low value and desperation. In addition, difficult conversations will make your relationship more of a burden and stressor, rather than a fun escape and partnership. You will associate negative emotions with your presence. Impacting attraction, yet again. + +You can’t talk your way into respect and attraction. As long as that’s lacking, your needs and wants will not be treated the way you wish they would be. Your mission should be to work on yourself and then evaluate where the relationship stands after some time. See how she is treating you when you are objectively leveled up and more confident, when you have options, and when your behavior communicates that you have standards without you having to say a word. When you have equal attraction and, thus, equal footing and power in this relationship. + +When you’re on this new equal footing, you may not even be dealing with the issues that hurt you so much now, or may have a different perspective on them. If you still have issues with her, you can then bring up some concerns and expect them to be taken seriously because you know your worth and so does she. However, you will do nothing but sink further by starting a serious conversation or argument from a losing position, no matter how you feel or why. Focus on you and STFU.",,204,mdjfodiepcklrn2,1693855336.0 +marriedredpill,16aih23,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 05, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1693902611.0 +marriedredpill,164cmhk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 29, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,1693297811.0 +marriedredpill,15xzh7l,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 22, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1692693009.0 +marriedredpill,15wj99n,Outcome independence,"Outcome independence means knowing who you are. + +It's not important to me to do that because I know who I am. I'm writing mainly for anyone who wants outcome independence. + +I believe the world, your woman and your goals are very much like a gigantic war elephant, that runs around the earth at high speeds. Some people see the elephant and just give up. While it tramples over everything. + +Others take responsibility, gripping onto the elephant. It drags us around, sometimes we subdue it. We get stronger, but the elephant keeps us going. + +Eventually we all catch on to certain tactics. We get smart. + +Ultimately though, the elephant knows it has us captured. We're captured dealing with the world. Once you know who you are, the elephant doesn't matter anymore. + +Suddenly you are somebody the elephant can trust. It stops running and sits calmly by your feet. The minute you begin to forget, it begins again. + +Outcome independence and abundance doesn't come from having things or achievements. Those achievements or things must be something that connects you to the reminder of who you are. + +That sense of who you are takes many forms, but has one thing in common. A sense of unending. That unending has many grades, confidence, abundance, etc. However these are reductions of what it really is and who you really are. + +Until you know who you are in this way the elephant always has you. But if you can find a well of reminding, then the world is not something that is anxious of you. + +I want every man here to find that sense somewhere in himself or in the world. Something past an achievement and goal. It doesn't have to be correct, but it's probably unique to you. Something you touch that helps you remember that this is all not so serious. If you can remember. + +The only things is it can't be the elephant. ",,1,SecretVillage5726,1692556908.0 +marriedredpill,15sdoip,FR: Getting Caught,"In 2019, I was deep in a long term affair with another (married) woman as a source of instant gratification and external validation I wasn’t getting at home. This affair was regular and consistent for 2.5 years but I’ve always made it clear to the other woman that I would not leave my family and neither should she. + +I found MRP before it all came crashing down. I read through the sidebar, lurked around, and collected knowledge but never applied anything until my affair was discovered. + +I knew, my marriage was over the day I was caught. It was done. I said fuck it… when my wife wanted to know the details of my affair; like how long, where did it all happen, what all did I do, etc. I told her everything. Full disclosure. I told on myself with my body squared, chest out, head high. No fear. No fucks! There’s nothing to save. + +It was my first display of frame, outcome independence, and pre-selection. It also felt good to release that deep dark secret. I’ll never forget her response to me… + +“I don’t know why, but I just want to fuck you so bad right now.” + +It caught me off guard. I wasn’t sure if I heard what was said correctly, but yeah… so we fucked… and agreed to work on our marriage the day after my affair was discovered. + +“I don’t know why, but I just wanna fuck you right now.” + +is arguably the opposite of + +“I love you but I’m not in love with you.” + + +It validated many MRP basics like: + +•Frame is everything. +•Women would rather share a high value Man than be saddled with a faithful loser. +•Pre-Selection works. +•Dread Game works. +•Not DEERing works. +•Outcome Independence works. +•Displaying high value works. + +Women (AWALT) who stay after an affair demand you give up your balls to them as an ultimatum. Dudes who get caught in their affair offer up their balls as a bargaining tool to save the marriage. They agree to live miserable lives under the critical spotlight of their wife’s ultimatums, which is a horrible way to live as a married masculine man. + +If you’re gonna revive your marriage from such a disastrous (<—understatement) event, you must do it without handing over your balls and refraining from doubling down on becoming a submissive beta husband in exchange for the survival of the marriage. You either “alpha” through your recovery by setting your boundaries and working on yourself or you get the fuck out. + +As for me, my accumulated personal growth had the collateral result of my wife defaulting right into the role I wanted her to be in, without even telling her to. That’s because I left no voids for her to fill other than for her to be a youthful and light hearted woman. She became service oriented toward me. Respectful. Always available for sex and stays fit. Since then, I’ve gotten to know her again. The lovely feminine woman she’s become is actually really enjoyable. + +My affair used to be a huge hawk hovering around my marriage. These days, it’s merely a little fly that buzzes every blue moon. A non-issue. I revived my marriage through MRP, OYS, and not surrendering my balls. + +If you get anything out of this other than trying not to have an affair. I hope you don’t surrender you balls over something as stupid as getting caught doing something waaaayyy more forgivable than what I’ve done.",,84,2wo2wo3hree,1692155024.0 +marriedredpill,15rmnbh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 15, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,1692088208.0 +marriedredpill,15nbze3,FR: 18 Months Post-Nuke,"There's nothing new here, I just wanted to put some notes out there to solidify some lessons I've learned while being here... + +**Background** + +6'1, 204lb, 1000+ total. Nuked 18 months ago after 2 years of MRP, down from 240lb and sidebar + OYS. + +The desire and respect were too far gone. Emotional cheating at a minimum. Dread, STFU, cutting, lifting, NMMNG/WISNIFG all made things worse. I held on too long for my daughter, equity and lack of self belief that I could upgrade from a shitty situation. I at least had a sparring partner while I became less of a fat cunt. + +I’m a stubborn cunt that needs to be told something 20x or learn from maximum pain. But here’s a few lessons I’ve learned the hard way and thanks to this place: + +&#x200B; + +**Lift** + +Nothing to expand on, it's a MRP/TRP broken record for a reason. More important than anything. + +&#x200B; + +**Action above everything** + +Another broken record. I don’t have a different spin on it, but it’s all that made a difference in fixing myself and my dating life after years of fault finding and not taking massive action. + +If I have 4 hours to cut down a tree, I'll spend an hour sharpening the axe. Not 4 hours sharpening the axe and end up with no wood. + +Don't dwell on things like your wife, the concept of frame, how shit your life is. STFU and OYS on what you've done (or not done) and leave your ego wide open to getting destroyed for the mistakes you've made and your huge blind spots. + +&#x200B; + +**If she wants to fuck you, she’ll make it easy for you.** + +I worried about my body fat %, game, first dates, logistics, if the girl liked me, etc. just like I tried to negotiate desire with my wife for years. In reality it doesn’t fucking matter that much, u/Visual_Cable_1067 put it perfectly: + +>F-closing hot, exotic early 20yos within mere days just requires you do some approaches and let things unfold. No perfection required. When a girl wants you to succeed you can get away with a lot of stupid shit. + +I was overthinking, hungover, dressed terribly, no pickup lines or an indirect excuse to approach. Success came from simply grabbing my balls and putting one foot in front of the other. + +A ""fuck it"" moment going for what I want, with plenty of mistakes and a messy date, and now I have a girl that crawls on all fours to please me for nothing in return. Pays for shit and inconveniences herself to simply get fucked then sent home. An absolute shit testing machine, but it's laughable and cute compared to what I dealt with in my marriage. + +She will likely fall off at some point without further commitment, but I have another regular girl and the confidence that I can source more when I need to. + +&#x200B; + +**There is no instruction manual for life and failure (but not really failure) is an option** + +I held onto HOA's posts and MRP success stories and turning my marriage around for a long time. I took the instructions to the extreme, got down to 185lbs with a 1200 total. Sidebar over and over again until I finally said fuck it. + +I'm glad I did those things and can say I tried. Most of all though, I had to learn to think for myself. There is no instruction manual or sidebar piece that can help. I even had a few ridiculous emotional outbursts after realising I was making life so hard for myself. Letting go of old facets of my personality, grieving my previous self and paving the way for a much simpler life with less obstacles. This one is a bit gay and I couldn't really put it into words. + +&#x200B; + +**Put divorce first (if YOU decide on it)** + +A MRP broken record for a reason. This shit is already exhausting and time consuming without maximising your effort. Avoiding it, getting distracted by new pussy, all dragged it out longer than necessary. + +Don't be me. I'm still not done with it, but there is no thing as ""divorce rape"", I'll be much better off in 2 years than I ever was. Sidebar divorce strategy helps. + +&#x200B; + +**Wife Goggles/Oneitis** + +I took a snapshot of my wife when she was early-20s and objectively hot, eager to please, great sex, best blowjob I'd ever had, etc. and kept that same opinion of her for 10 years. It took a lot of pain to slap the wife goggles off my face. + +Then every other girl I banged post-separation, suddenly became the hottest girl and the best sex I've had. It took a few lays and OYS to realise the pattern. It’s just pussy. + +She isn't the hottest girl in the world, and the sex isn't the best you'll ever get. You just don't have other options and therefore romanticize her. + +&#x200B; + +**Kids** + +I don't know if any trauma or issues will arise later (probably, all kids go through ""trauma"" - even ones growing up in rich nuclear families?) But I'll be much more poised to deal with it as my own man chasing my goals and vision. My daughter had an early life lesson that things can get shit sometimes. + +It got easier over time when I ignored external input from STBX and looked at the actual results. I made sure my daughter's needs were met and tried to attain the input/contact I wanted. Everything I was directly in control of. + +They'll be fine. Or maybe not. + +&#x200B; + +I still have plenty of gaping weaknesses and blind spots. I still can't walk past a fucking bakery without buying a croissant even though I'm trying to cut back down to 185. The journey is never over. + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B;",,78,CreatineCapsule,1691672654.0 +marriedredpill,15lbzuc,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 08, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1691483408.0 +marriedredpill,15f6ew8,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 01, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1690878610.0 +marriedredpill,15928ht,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 25, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1690273809.0 +marriedredpill,152sk97,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 18, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,1689669009.0 +marriedredpill,15236bw,Cuddles ain't free,"There was an OYS comment that sparked some discussion with some vets in a secret smart dudes server, which was: + +*""Cuddles ain't free.""* + +/u/red-sfpplus was quick to point out that his post, [Cuddles are Required](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9jr5bx/cuddles_are_required/) (which is a fantastic 100% true post) was OG, but warned that this statement could be a giant covert contract. I agree. So, with that in mind - know that none of this is covert in nature and requires a certain mentality that you are the prize. But, if you still practice this it's helped some men overcome the root problem which is physical neediness from their women. + +If you're struggling with your woman not giving you enough cuddles, then this post is for you. + +I dug up my old comments on why [cuddles ain't free.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/paj7qe/own_your_shit_weekly_august_24_2021/hac7dnt/?context=8&depth=9) + +[Cuddles are not for men. They are for women.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/nf58cf/own_your_shit_weekly_may_18_2021/gyuli4e/?context=8&depth=9) Women do not want empathy. They want strength. Strength comes from men. Therefore, that makes cuddles a gift from you. + +You don't give gifts to bitches, brats, or harpy sexless wives, do you? So, you withdraw your time and attention until they behave, or exit. + +[It's not the best way to figure it out, but each time you withdrawal time and attention for misbehavior and later she comes running back for comfort](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/npp633/own_your_shit_weekly_june_01_2021/h09i0wy/?context=8&depth=9) \- *(aka - cuddles)* that is when you fuck her and learn more that you are the prize. The anxiety you feel between the withdrawal and her seeking you out again for that time and attention will subside over time. + +[I failed at this so many times in my journey.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/npp633/own_your_shit_weekly_june_01_2021/h09i0wy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I must have had over a dozen mini-main-events, until I finally saw the pattern. My wife would go bonkers and I'd feel guilty in these situations. I'd provide comfort because I loved her - and I liked her - and I cared about her. But somewhere along the time I learned that bad behavior doesn't get cuddles. Cuddles ain't free. So I let it just play out. I'm the oak. Storms come and go. The oak remains. + +[So recalibrate your affection](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ojbcfj/own_your_shit_weekly_july_13_2021/h51elt6/?context=8&depth=9) and when you give it. + +The worst situation possible, which likley a lot of dudes here are in without knowing, is to be putting the cuddles on a dripfeed of neediness. It ruins sexual polarity and you won't get laid. If you're doing this, stop it. Recalibrate, and see what happens. + +Yeah, your woman if she was like mine will go apeshit. But here's the secret sauce bro.... + +Cuddles are required. Just be open and loving. **I would never deny my woman something that she needs.** In fact, memorize that. When your wife breaks and acts like a bitch because you're running this game for yourself to expose your weaknesses, she will **not** say ""you're not even touching me!"". Not at first anyways. But everything she does will be because of that. + +[Your woman should be the needy one. Not you.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qpzab0/comment/hjxea0d/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) And personally, I *love* my woman like that. It will be your job to guide and lead her into transforming that anxiety into femininity by polarizing a woman with your non-needy abundant mentality. + +""Aww sweetheart, if you need a little cuddle just come sit on Daddy's lap, *come on over anytime...*"" + +This should be your mentality. You must kill your current model or it will drive you absolutely insane trying to do the same shit and expecting different results. [Here are a plethora of notes from me on cuddles](https://www.reddit.com/search/?q=author%3Ahornsofapathy%20cuddles&type=comment), (link must be read on new Reddit) often pointing out to OYS posters where they are falling down if you want more material. + +Cuddles are needy, required, and still in your frame. Strength, motherfuckers.",,67,HornsOfApathy,1689603298.0 +marriedredpill,1529lhw,Three Levels of Identity,"Our Brain works by forming neurological pathways, the more we use those pathways, the more they solidify and more ""shorter"" they become. And since our brains are lazy and want to conserve energy, they take the shortest neurological path to figure out the solution to a problem. Another point to remember is our brain works through association. If you are asked to remember something, your mind will go blank, but if you are given the task to remember something about an apple, your mind will get flooded with images of apple, with its taste, with its smell, maybe you will remember biting into insect that had made that apple its home and that will make you feel sick, and then you may remember the time you were sick etc. This is your brain working in action from one neural path to another always taking the shortest path. + +But what happens when it is faced with scenarios that it a has not faced before, brain works the same way, it takes shortest neurological pathway to solve the problem, the difference is what those pathways are. **And those neural pathways form your identity.** + +# Level 1: Instincts. + +This is the most basic level of identity. Its simple, when you are an infant and you are faced with uncomfortable situation, you just bawl your eyes out until an adult comes and sooth you. That's the most basic pathway there is feel bad-> cry ->get soothed. + +As you get older, other instincts come in play, you get defensive, aggressive, seek validation etc because if you don't the adults that feed you might tell you to fuck off. This is where need to DEER comes from, this is where attention seeking comes from, this is where being a validation whore comes from. + +(Also that's where women with personality disorders like BPD are stuck, either they are not able to form neurological connections that surpass those instincts or they never learned the skills to help them do it.) + +# Level 2: Morality + +But to function in society you can't just rely on instincts, so you are given principles or guidelines for your conduct, in other words you are ""taught"" morality. Taught is term used loosely, as may it mean your parents actually teaching you, (like your father teaching to not steal or lie), or you are taught through carrot of praise, compliments, inclusion in tribe etc or stick of shame, guilt, punishments etc. + +One of the example here is ""**The real man trope**"", where they reward your sense of masculinity when you serve the purpose of women, like protecting them during a fire, or taking care of single mother's child who is ready to settle down after she had been ran through. And you are punished by your masculinity being shamed, like a real man won't leave his wife because she is fat so you are not a real man. + +One of the most egregious perpetrator of this morality programming is church, go to christianmarriage sub and you will find that men are shamed for wanting virgins or women without past, and forgiveness is used as a tool for reward or punishment. If you don't forgive you are not a good christian (read shame, guilt, exclusion from the tribe here). As you may very well know morality, keep men in relationships they hate because they took vows, **if you are not willing to walk away you don't have any power**. + +# Level 3: Frame + +But wait a second you don't need to rely on your instincts or morality to get you through life. Your brain has neat little thing called conscious decision making. It is important as you may need to learn new skills so you have the options to consciously form your own new neurological pathways that are not dependent on your instincts and morality. But brain does not work in vacuum so you need some guiding principle to guide you. + +Lets call that **guiding principle your vision**, something you want to achieve. It can be anything, neat little thing about it is that its yours, no one get any input regarding it. Now what happens when you have that strong vision, you are able to frame your reality around it. + +Arnold put it the best ""*every rep that I did and every set that I did, inched me closer to achieving my vision*"", He could frame getting tired and being in pain at the gym as a good thing, while anyone else would feel sorry for himself. + +If you have the vision of being a HVM, you can frame your own reality around it, You can frame shit tests not as bitchy behavior but as tests for your frame, You would not need to DEER because it is not congruent with your vision. + +It will **free you from the trap of morality**, yes leaving your fat, prude girlfriend/wife who wouldn't do anything to improve herself is not what ""real man"" would do. But you would not care what whether you are a ""real man"" or not in the view of society. + +If it is in line with your vision, you will not care. So how do you hold frame. well you ask yourself, is what I am doing congruent to my vision, if no then there is no need to waste time on it. (Now you may need to defend your vision, and you do it by AA, AM, fogging etc). As you ask this question over and over again from yourself, it will become second nature to you. + +Should I argue with my girlfriend, I mean I feel outraged ->**is it congruent with my vision?** + +Should I not go to gym today I am tired what will one day do anyways-> **is it congruent with my vision?** + +Should I watch porn today it been too long and I am horny-> **is it congruent to my vision?** + +Should I leave my wife, yeah she is fat and has not blown me in 10 years but I took vows and I should take responsibility as a real man-> **is it congruent to my vision?** + +Should I go and talk to that beautiful woman, I mean I have very bad approach anxiety maybe I should just read some field reports and do it next time-> **is it congruent to my vision?** + +**And by practice your vision becomes your identity, not your instincts, not the morality the society teaches you.** + +That's when your mind is in your control. **When you can frame your reality around you according to your own vision, that's when you truly become your own mental point of origin.** + +That's when you are truly free.",,24,[deleted],1689617950.0 +marriedredpill,151polu,What are the origins of the red pill?,"Can someone please point me in the direction of information or a breakdown of the origins evolution of the red pill? Lately on YouTube, I have heard some people clumsily explain what they think the origins of the red pill is... it doesn't seem to add up. + +I searched the topic in this sub and couldn't find anything. Years ago I had found a really good breakdown of the origins of the red pill by Rian Stone, however I can't seem to find that video anymore. + +Thanks for your help.",,15,Dimitri_Ostende,1689562493.0 +marriedredpill,14wl9jg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 11, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,1689064209.0 +marriedredpill,14rma7w,Stop letting people treat you like shit,"It's great to learn how to lead your family, and get in shape... but a lot of the guys on here miss the most important aspect of frame, something even more basic and more important than everything else: + +Stop letting people treat you like shit. + +Most guys on here are co-dependent and passive, and will do anything to avoid disapproval- both in relationships, and at work. Maybe you already sidebar and lift, but in the back of your mind you are telling yourself ""if I just get attractive enough and learn to lead I can stop being a doormat."" That will never happen, no matter how fit you get, you are never going to give yourself permission to stop being a doormat until you realize you don't need to meet some precondition to get treated with the same basic courtesy you already extend to everyone else. + +Look at all of the overweight, lazy guys with wifes that treat them better than yours treats you. The difference is these guys have some boundaries, and will say something about it when they are treated like shit- they would rather leave, or be alone than be in a relationship that sucks and their wives know it. Your wife knows you will put up with anything. + +You don't need to get fitter to set boundaries. You don't need to make threats to set boundaries. You don't need to memorize any script or conversation technique. You don't need to be superhuman and stop making mistakes and forgetting things. You do need to be willing to leave before you take abuse- but don't need to threaten to leave either. + +Her: (angry look) I can't believe you forgot to take out the garbage on garbage day! You idiot! + +You: (look her steady in the eye) I can see that you are upset, but it's not ok to speak to me like that. + +Calmly focus only on her being disrespectful until she can raise a concern in a respectful way. Always bring the conversation back to that and refuse to address any other points she raises, until she can manage to be respectful first. This is not to win the argument, but to have some respect for yourself, regardless of the effect on her. Your goal isn't to keep trying things to get her to respond a certain way- hopefully she is able to stop treating you like shit, but if not you will eventually find someone else that can, and be better off anyways. + +A few years back I sidebar'd and lifted to the point where I was winning strength competitions and could fog/broken record like a pro, yet my marriage still went to absolute shit. I told myself, in the back of my head, that leaving was never an option because of the potential impact on my son, and because of that, my other efforts were for naught. Ultimately, I decided a doormat dad was worse than a divorced dad, left, and I've never been happier, and my son is thriving with a dad that is present in a way I never was before. The two of us love doing strength competitions together, and I met an awesome woman that does them with us.",,107,[deleted],1688588754.0 +marriedredpill,14q99k0,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 04, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1688459411.0 +marriedredpill,14ocxwb,Hitting the gym tonight.,"I have been getting soft, fully admit it. + +My wife and I have been at it for weeks fighting over stupid shit, I have lost frame. + +This week was hell, I was busting my ass all week, work has been crazy, my home is a fucking mess with 2 kids under 3, my wife doesn’t do shit since I am usually around to pick up the slack. + +I hardly ever see my kids due to the long hours required for my role and I haven’t been to the gym in weeks. (Minus a 2-3 times at the basic bitch gym at the office, cardio machines only) + +Over the last 24 hours I tried to re-establish frame, cleaned everything up, made a nice meal last night, woke up early with this kids this morning, I was fucking on it. + +My wife then presented me a shit test that I utterly failed. + +After an affectionate kiss this morning. (That she instigated) + +My wife says “I am worried” + +I said “About what?” + +She said “if we have sex you will turn into a jerk again” + +I replied with “would you rather me be a jerk?” + +She went silent and walked away, no response, unamused. + +This trigged me because she knew I was trying to put my best foot forward for the long weekend to repair things. + +She has been mostly silent since, and it’s been driving me up the wall. + +Never stop lifting, stay strong and don’t let yourself slip.",,32,BrutallyHonestUser,1688265648.0 +marriedredpill,14k7rz7,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 27, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1687854609.0 +marriedredpill,14e59w1,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 20, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,6,AutoModerator,1687249810.0 +marriedredpill,14b3of2,Become Mindful of Your Desire,"I was reading through the OYS from last week while I was on my holiday when I saw u/hornsofapathy and u/tines0 share notes about the importance of initiating only from a place of true desire. Since I have noticed the impact of this often overlooked mental model myself, I thought I’d ellaborate further. + +If you have read through the sidebar you know [the fallacy of seeking validation in your (sex) life](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/). It might be one of the main reasons why the beta crabs of the hypergamy bucket stay far down with the masses. + +Most of us have been guilty of seeking validation in our relationship. We get that jolt of oneitis and initiate because we want to check how interested our women are in fucking our entitled **EGO**. You, Mr. Big Dingalong, are four months into your MRP-journey and did all this work so **SHE** better be fucking **YOU**, right? + +**Wrong.** She owes you and your ego nothing. Internally she feelz that you are still basing your worth on something external (in this case, the question if mwommy spreads her legs for you or not). If you have actually read the sidebar and know anything about Frame and being your [Mental Point of Origin](https://therationalmale.com/2014/11/14/mental-point-of-origin/) you will understand that this way of thinking is bound for failure. + +Next time the thought of fucking your woman crosses your mind, examine the thought. Give it a few moments, learn what the thought feelz like in your gut. Does the thought fill you with feelings of mild anxiety, stress and neurosis? It is highly likely that you are looking for validation. On the other hand, does the thought give you positive energy, make you excited and give you a raging boner? It is probably coming from a place of true desire. + +Over time, approaching your sex life like this also changes the dynamic. You are actually approaching sex from your frame instead of poking to see if mommy still loves you. You are the prize, right? This would mean that your woman is working hard to kindle that desire and if she's not, well, you have plenty of important shit to do.",,20,forever-nomor3,1686938784.0 +marriedredpill,148tweg,Attachment Theory and Applicability to MRP,"One of the key tenets here at MRP has been to just focus on yourself. STFU, lift, and sidebar, amirite. Save the man, not the marriage. Hoo rah. If you look back historically at the seduction community, such as SoSuave and alt.seduction.fast, there was more of a focus on understanding women and what makes them tick. Here at MRP, guys typically come here through some Google search about having more sex or respect from their wife (or deadbedrooms or doing a search for ILYBINILWY), they get blindsided at the info here, stop their Nice Guy behaviors using No More Mr. Nice Guy, learn how to say No to their wife after reading When I Say No I Feel Guilty, attempt to build a frame from the resources, go hit the gym in some form or fashion, autistically shut up, and generally fumble their way to a better sex life after failing over and over while the rest of us laugh at them (or crash and burn, but hey, we need a success story around here every now and then). + + +What we’ll be talking about today is more evo-psych, looking at something called attachment theory, and using that to show relevance to MRP and adding a tool to the toolbox. This falls into the sidebar/know yourself category. + + +**What is Attachment Theory** + + +From the book Attached by Levine/Heller, “Attachment theory designates three main “attachment styles,” or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. In addition, people with each of these attachment styles differ in: + + +• their view of intimacy and togetherness +• the way they deal with conflict +• their attitude toward sex +• their ability to communicate their wishes and needs +• their expectations from their partner and the relationship + + +All people in our society, whether they have just started dating someone or have been married for forty years, fall into one of these categories, or, more rarely, into a combination of the latter two (anxious and avoidant). Just over 50 percent are secure, around 20 percent are anxious, 25 percent are avoidant, and the remaining 3 to 5 percent fall into a fourth, less common disorganized category. + + +Over the past two decades, adult attachment research has produced hundreds of scientific papers and dozens of books that carefully delineate the way in which adults behave in close romantic ties. These studies have confirmed, many times over, the existence of these attachment styles in adults in a wide range of countries and cultures, including the United States, Australia, Canada, Germany, Israel, Italy, Portugal, the Netherlands, and the United Kingdom. + + +Understanding attachment styles is an easy and reliable way to understand and predict people’s behavior in any romantic situation. In fact, one of the main messages of this theory is that in romantic situations, we are programmed to act in a predetermined manner. + + +Other experiments have produced even more far-reaching results. Brian Baker, a psychiatrist and researcher at the University of Toronto, studies psychiatric aspects of heart disease and hypertension and, in particular, the way in which marital discord and job strain affect blood pressure. In one of his studies, Dr. Baker found that if you have a mild form of high blood pressure, being in a satisfying marriage is good for you; spending time in the presence of your partner actually benefits you by lowering your blood pressure to healthier levels. If, on the other hand, you are not satisfied with your marriage, contact with your partner will actually raise your blood pressure, which will remain elevated as long as you are in physical proximity! The implications of this study are profound: When our partner is unable to meet our basic attachment needs, we experience a chronic sense of disquiet and tension that leaves us more exposed to various ailments. Not only is our emotional well-being sacrificed when we are in a romantic partnership with someone who doesn’t provide a secure base, but so is our physical health.” + + +Interesting stuff. Wouldn’t that be interesting if you can reliably understand and predict your wife’s behavior in any romantic situation. Plus there are health considerations. However, I can hear Rian and weakandsensitive mentioning that really, it’s the wife’s job for the relationship. You do what you want. To that, I would say, A. B. C. Always Be Calibrating. You have to be aware of how the game is played, and what influences are happening to you. + + +**Secure Attachment** + + +A secure attachment style is characterized by several key attributes: + + +Trust: Individuals with a secure attachment style have a strong sense of trust in themselves and others. They believe that their needs will be met, and they have confidence in the reliability and availability of their attachment figures. + + +Emotional Stability: People with a secure attachment style generally have a stable and balanced emotional state. They are comfortable expressing their emotions and have healthy coping mechanisms to deal with stress and challenges. + + +Intimacy and Connection: Individuals with a secure attachment style are comfortable with closeness and intimacy in relationships. They value emotional connection and seek out healthy, fulfilling relationships based on mutual support and understanding. + + +Autonomy and Independence: Despite their comfort with closeness, securely attached individuals also maintain a healthy sense of independence. They are capable of exploring the world and pursuing their own interests while still maintaining strong emotional bonds. + + +Effective Communication: Those with a secure attachment style possess strong communication skills. They are able to express their needs and emotions clearly and assertively, while also being receptive and empathetic to others' feelings and perspectives. + + +Emotional Resilience: Securely attached individuals are generally resilient in the face of challenges and setbacks. They have a positive outlook on life and are able to bounce back from difficulties with the support of their attachment figures. + + +Positive Self-Esteem: People with a secure attachment style tend to have a healthy self-esteem. They have a positive self-image and believe in their own worth and capabilities. + + +Flexibility and Adaptability: Securely attached individuals are adaptable in their relationships. They are open to change, able to adjust to new situations, and are willing to compromise when necessary. + + +Overall, a secure attachment style is characterized by a strong sense of trust, emotional stability, healthy intimacy, autonomy, effective communication, resilience, positive self-esteem, and adaptability. These qualities contribute to the formation of secure and satisfying relationships with others. + + +**Anxious Attachment** + + +An anxious attachment style is associated with certain characteristic behaviors and traits: + + +Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with an anxious attachment style often experience intense fear and anxiety about being abandoned or rejected by their attachment figures. This fear may lead to clingy and dependent behaviors in relationships. + + +Constant Need for Reassurance: People with an anxious attachment style often seek constant reassurance and validation from their partners. They may have a heightened sensitivity to signs of rejection or distance, leading to an increased need for verbal and physical reassurance. + + +Overanalyzing and Ruminating: Individuals with an anxious attachment style tend to overanalyze and ruminate on relationship dynamics. They may excessively scrutinize their partner's behaviors and interpret them as signs of rejection or impending abandonment. + + +Jealousy and Possessiveness: Those with an anxious attachment style may exhibit jealousy and possessive tendencies in relationships. They may fear that their partner will be drawn to others or seek emotional or physical intimacy outside of the relationship. + + +High Emotional Reactivity: People with an anxious attachment style often experience intense emotions and may have difficulty regulating them. They may react strongly to perceived threats or relationship conflicts, leading to heightened emotional responses such as anger, sadness, or anxiety. + + +Difficulty with Trust: Anxious attachment style individuals may struggle with trust, often due to past experiences of inconsistent or unreliable caregiving. They may have difficulty fully trusting their partners and may seek constant reassurance to alleviate their fears. + + +Overdependence on Relationships: Individuals with an anxious attachment style may rely heavily on their relationships for a sense of self-worth and validation. They may prioritize their relationships above other aspects of their lives and have difficulty maintaining a healthy balance between their personal and relational needs. + + +Tendency to Idealize Relationships: Those with an anxious attachment style often idealize romantic relationships and have high expectations for their partners. They may believe that their partner will fulfill all their emotional needs, leading to disappointment and frustration when those expectations are not met. + + +It is important to note that individuals with an anxious attachment style typically desire close and secure relationships but may exhibit behaviors that inadvertently push their partners away. Understanding and addressing these attachment patterns can lead to healthier relationship dynamics and improved emotional well-being. + + +**Avoidant Attachment** + + +An avoidant attachment style is associated with several characteristic behaviors and traits: + + +Emotional Distance: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style often maintain emotional distance and independence in relationships. They may have difficulty expressing or acknowledging their own emotions and may seem emotionally detached or aloof to others. + + +Fear of Intimacy: People with an avoidant attachment style tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and vulnerability. They may have deep-seated fears of being engulfed or controlled by others, leading them to create emotional barriers and maintain a sense of autonomy. + + +Independence and Self-Reliance: Those with an avoidant attachment style prioritize their independence and self-reliance. They may rely heavily on themselves for emotional support and have a tendency to avoid relying on others or seeking help in times of need. + + +Dismissive Attitude: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may adopt a dismissive attitude toward relationships and emotional needs. They may downplay the importance of close connections and minimize their own emotional experiences. + + +Reluctance to Commit: People with an avoidant attachment style often struggle with committing to long-term relationships. They may feel uncomfortable with the idea of long-lasting emotional bonds and may prefer to keep relationships casual or maintain a certain level of distance. + + +Difficulty with Trust: Those with an avoidant attachment style may have difficulty trusting others and forming deep emotional connections. They may have experienced past betrayals or disappointments, leading them to be wary of relying on others for support or validation. + + +Self-Sufficiency: Individuals with an avoidant attachment style value their independence and self-sufficiency. They may prioritize self-reliance and may be hesitant to depend on others, even in times of emotional or practical need. + + +Deactivating Strategies: Those with an avoidant attachment style often employ deactivating strategies to cope with emotional closeness. These strategies include suppressing emotions, avoiding discussions about feelings, or engaging in activities that distract from emotional connection. + + +It's important to note that individuals with an avoidant attachment style may desire connection and relationships, but they may struggle with maintaining emotional closeness and intimacy. +Understanding these attachment patterns can help in developing strategies to navigate relationships more effectively and cultivate more secure and fulfilling connections. + + +Thanks ChatGPT for those three definitions. Saved me the time of typing them out. + + +**Protest Behavior** + + +From the book Attached, “Protest behavior is any action that tries to reestablish contact with your partner and get their attention. There are many ways that protest behavior can manifest itself, anything that can jolt the other person into noticing you and responding to you. + + +Protest behavior and activating strategies can cause you to act in ways that are harmful to the relationship. It is very important to learn to recognize them when they happen. These behaviors and strategies can also continue long after your partner is gone. This is part of what heartache is all about—the longing for someone who is no longer available to us when our biological and emotional makeup is programmed to try to win them back. Even if your rational mind knows you shouldn’t be with this person, your attachment system doesn’t always comply. The process of attachment follows its own course and its own schedule. This means you will continue to think about the other person and will be unable to push them out of your mind for a very long time.” + + +There’s also a relevant box in said book listing out different types of protest behavior: + + +“Protest Behavior—Letting Your Attachment System Get the Best of You + +Excessive attempts to reestablish contact: + +• Calling, texting, or e-mailing many times, waiting for a phone call, loitering by your partner’s workplace in hopes of running into him/her. + +Withdrawing: + +• Sitting silently “engrossed” in the paper, literally turning your back on your partner, not speaking, talking with other people on the phone and ignoring him/her. + +Keeping score: + +• Paying attention to how long it took them to return your phone call and waiting just as long to return theirs; waiting for them to make the first “make-up” move and acting distant until such time. When Ryan decided not to leave a message for Shauna after she screened his calls, he was keeping score (“If she’s not answering my calls, I won’t leave her a message”). + +Acting hostile: + +• Rolling your eyes when they speak, looking away, getting up and leaving the room while they’re talking (acting hostile can transgress to outright violence at times). + +Threatening to leave: + +• Making threats—“We’re not getting along, I don’t think I can do this anymore,” “I knew we weren’t really right for each other,” “I’ll be better off without you”—all the while hoping s/he will stop you from leaving. + +Manipulations: + +• Acting busy or unapproachable. Ignoring phone calls, saying you have plans when you don’t. + +Making him/her feel jealous: + +• Making plans to get together with an ex for lunch, going out with friends to a singles bar, telling your partner about someone who hit on you today.” + + +Now be honest. How many of you have done any of these? Fairly interesting, isn’t it. Imagine that, you have a attachment system whirling around in your brain and it’s affecting your behaviors. Like the last one, “telling your partner about someone who hit on you today”. Jack10 mentioned that in Active Dread vs Passive Dread. There are multiple tie-ins to MRP here. + + +**SMV and Attachment** + + +Rollo tangentially touched upon this subject on his blog - https://therationalmale.com/2013/06/20/smv-ratios-attachment/ + + +The relevant quote is here: “Roissy once proposed that the strength and security of any relationship rests in the disparity between each person’s sexual market value. While I endorse this principle entirely, I’m going to take it a bit further. As a general principle it works well for the guy wanting to maintain his frame in an LTR, however there’s more wrapped up in that SMV disparity than I think has been explored thus far. + + +As I began here, SMV doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Men may have an Alpha dominance established only to have it knocked back down after failing a particularly bad shit test. He may rate lower or higher depending on a social status that’s in flux. A woman must find ways to cope with an ever decaying SMV once she reaches her SMV peak and begins her decline towards the Wall. Childbirth and rearing, weight gain, satisfying a security need, and many other factors may also accelerate this process. + + +What I’m going to do here is propose a general outline for SMV disparity based on the ratio between both sexes. Before you read my outlines, keep in mind the Cardinal Rule of Relationships: In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least. The overarching concept here is that the person in the relationship with the superior sexual market value will at least be perceived by the person of lesser value to need them less than the other. If it is established by concrete social proof that one person is of higher SMV than the other, it’s usually an accepted reality of that relationship, but bear in mind that it is the fluctuating perception of SMV that has more influence on the attachment and strength of that relationship.” + + +Initially this quote was tied to Relationship Attachment, but I’m going to take it into a bit of a different direction. Your SMV influences your relationship, which ties into how you relate and are attached to each other. Your SMV is very relevant to how you interact with your wife, and how your wife interacts with you. As example, as you increase your SMV, very likely this will provoke insecurity and anxiety in your wife, inducing behaviors that lead to her having an anxious attachment style. Is this good? Bad? Indifferent? The mere increase of SMV can move someone from one attachment style to another. Be aware of this fact. + + +**How The Fuck This Applies to MRP** + + +So, now that you have a basic idea about secure, anxious, and avoidant styles, how would this be applicable to MRP? First off, you should take a hard look at yourself. It’s important to recognize what sort of attachment you have and your relationship to your wife. Why? That feeds into the “be attractive, don’t be unattractive” line we quote around here. What attachment style do you have, and what unattractive behaviors is that causing? For example, say you have an anxious attachment style. Perhaps this anxious attachment style is causing you to be a Dancing Monkey. To take a quote from that post, “A hawt, ripped boy-toy with some game can attract women for a STR or ONS, but the attraction quickly fades if you're still just a pedestalizing, people-pleasing pussy who can't or won't stand up for himself, and actively assert himself and lead rather than just withdraw by leaving or STFU when challenged.” + + +Second of all, take a hard look at your wife. In the interest of leading the hamster through the maze, you can recognize how your wife attaches to you, and calibrate accordingly. If you are in the anger phase, you can really fuck it up, so ~~here’s some dynamite go to town~~ go work on your anger phase. + + +As an example, say you again are new to MRP, and you are in this cycle of Anxiously Initiate Sex - Rejected - Become Butthurt and Avoidant - Get Angry - Anger makes you Horny - Anxiously Initiate Sex - Rejected and the cycle continues (mostly because you are fat and unattractive). Maybe you just jump to Avoidant because you’re sick and tired of initiating, and you’re angry at your wife, and you’re really angry at yourself because of how low you’ve sunk. And your wife is exhibiting all the classic symptoms of Avoidant. Recognizing how you are attaching to your wife, and how your wife is attaching to you, allows you to begin the steps to change behaviors. + + +Or perhaps you are going through or have finished a divorce. You may have sat down with a therapist because, let’s be honest, going through a divorce is one of life’s largest stressors, and it’s worth evaluating to see whether or not you should talk to a therapist. It would be worth looking historically at if you had a poor attachment style and how you can fix that for the future. Perhaps it made you unattractive. Perhaps it didn’t. It’s worth looking at so you don’t make the same mistakes over and over. +Maybe you’ve evaluated yourself and you have a Anxious attachment style, which causes you to put your wife up on a pedestal. I’m going to give you a news flash – if you put your wife up on a pedestal, all she can do is look down on you. Maybe you should stop your Anxious tendencies. + + +You get the idea. + + +**Paint Is Not To Be Eaten** + + +Say that you just got to MRP, your mind is spinning with thoughts of STFUing and getting laid, and you come across this post talking about attachment styles. You may think to yourself, oh, looky here, I found the keys to the kingdom. No. None of this is to supersede general principles. Be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Build a solid frame. Become attractive to all women, not just your wife. This post is merely a supplement (or yet another suppository), so that you recognize your unattractive behaviors and the influences on your system. + + +I would also encourage you in your readings to be discerning. For example, there is a quote about how you should wear your heart on your sleeve in one of the books. I don’t have to tell you how that falls into the unattractive side of the house. + + +News flash, this is not a cure all. Taking a moment to understand how attachment plays a part in your relationship does not mean you do not get out of doing the work. + + +Finally, don’t go blabbing to your wife about how you are SURE that she has an avoidant attachment style and that she needs to fix that so you can have the sexy times. Wait, scratch that. Go try it. For science. And report back on how her panties dropped. All field reports welcome. + + +For those who are therapists or psychiatrists, and I know we have a few on the boards, I would be interested in hearing your take on things.",,91,SteelSharpensSteel,1686702459.0 +marriedredpill,148ab2h,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 13, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1686645008.0 +marriedredpill,1428vvk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 06, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1686040210.0 +marriedredpill,13w3knk,The SILENCE Here is DEAFENING,"We have 48,000 members. And yet week after week goes by without any new content being posted on this main sub. As I alluded to in the previous thread (by AfterDeath101), I think the reason is pretty clear. It's because there is a culture here that has grown up over the years that makes people ""gun-shy"" about sticking their neck out to post new things - for fear of the usual ""pile-on"". + +Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all is well and healthy about the culture here after all. But I think we need to discuss it. As the main TRP sub itself sinks slowly into the sea, it would be nice to know that MRP is still thriving - and a great place for men to come to discuss these kinds of issues. A healthy, thriving MRP is needed today more than ever. So let's discuss why this sub has become virtually a ""post-free"" zone. Your thoughts, men? + +EDIT: Since many of my replies on this thread are now scattered by the flood of other comments, I will reply here with one main thought: +Many commenters act like I am just complaining about being ""mean"". That's not it. It's the SILENCE here that is so very telling. In other words, the culture on this board is so negative and attacking that even the VETERANS who have years of MRP experience are reluctant to post here. That's a sure sign that something is very wrong. +There has to be a better way of ""coaching"" men than to yell at them and rip their heads off every time they open their mouth. + +&#x200B;",,139,Aggravating_Tie4586,1685484159.0 +marriedredpill,13w9gru,How to Define Your Mission: A Guide to Writing an Effective Mission Statement,"Saw a post by u/Aggravating_Tie4586 on the lack of content going around in this sub: [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/13w3knk/the_silence_here_is_deafening/) + +So here is my attempt at what I view as a contribution. I am 8 weeks in and as new as it gets. Let the spears fly. + +# Mission + +This should be your starting point when entering this sub after reading the sidebar and getting a gym membership. So you found out your wife's having an affair. Or maybe you realized after looking in the mirror you have no idea what the hell happened to your marriage or you. You're driving on cruise control in constant mediocrity. You need to start Owning Your Shit. You go to write your first weekly OYS post and your Mission Statement is as weak as your lifts or lack thereof. + +I am in the military, but designing a Mission Statement happens at every level and can apply to every aspect of life. Whether you use this to information to OYS, write a business plan or vision, or figure out why your wife doesn't want to fuck you is up to you. + +# Operational Art + +*""The cognitive approach by commanders and staffs—supported by their* +*skill, knowledge, experience, creativity, and judgment—to develop* +*strategies, campaigns, and operations to organize and employ military* +*forces by integrating ends, ways, and means.""* + +What the hell does this have to do with generating a Mission Statement in the weekly OYS? Operational Art is a fancy graduate-level term for accomplishing the *Objective*. + +**Objective -** The most fundamental consideration in operational art—all actions should be directed towards accomplishing the objectiv**e.** + +We have to parse out the difference between *Objective* and *Mission.* In short, the *Objective* is the *Ends* and the *Mission* is the *Ways* and *Means.* Before generating your Mission Statement you must be able to visualize and internalize what you want. What are the terms to victory? What defines success? Is your mission short-term or long-term? + +**The most important part of this post is that a Mission, by nature, is temporary. You must constantly update, change, or design a new Mission when Objectives are met or you FAIL.** + +# The 4 Questions of Operational Art: + +1. What are your objectives? - **Ends** (e.g. lose 30 lbs) +2. What sequence of actions is most likely to achieve those objectives? -**Ways** (e.g. diet and lifting) +3. What resources are required to accomplish that sequence of actions? -**Means** (e.g. money, quality food, and gym membership.) +4. What is the likely chance of failure or unacceptable results in performing that sequence of actions? -**Risk** (e.g. Lifting Injury) + +# Center of Gravity (CoG), Critical Vulnerability (CV) + +You will use your CoG to achieve your objectives and you will protect or minimize your CV to prevent failure. Let's dive into an example using my own case: + +* My Centers of Gravity are my lifting experience and military gym access. +* My Critical Vulnerabilities are my short temper, Nice Guy Behaviors, inability to STFU under duress. + +What if I don't have a CoG? I'm just a piece of shit that smokes weed all day. If you're in that place, your Objectives are much smaller and thus your CoG will change based on smaller Missions. Get off the couch and go lift. + +The key here is to maximize your CoG and minimize your CV. For me this is Lift and STFU. I lift to progress my CoG and I STFU to protect my CV. + +# Building the Mission Statement + +A Mission is designed to be a statement with several parts. It must be clear, concise, and easily understood. The typical way to achieve this is defining a *Purpose, Method and End-state*. **The key here is the mission is about YOU, not your marriage, not your wife. Focus on YOU.** + +Let's start with a simple short-term example sentence that defines your objective: + +* *""I will become more assertive in my everyday interactions""* +* Purpose: To eliminate Nice Guy behaviors. +* Method: By reading WISNIFG and NMMNG. +* End-state: Be able to handle shit-tests. + +Mission Statements with measurable and quantifiable metrics will be easier to manage and create more realistic expectations. + +Long-term example with multiple Objectives in a different format: ""*I will end covert contracts in my life, end validation seeking behaviors, and maintain a physique below 15%BF. My purpose is to gain confidence in my abilities in social situations and appearance. My method will be a disciplined lifting schedule of at least 4 days per week and spending 1 hour per day reading the sidebar materials. My End-State will be to become a more outgoing man with an abundance mentality.""* + +Parting shots: + +* Revise your statement regularly. It is a living breathing sentence that should change when you make progress or have missteps. +* Sit down and think what you want. I had trouble doing this, and my first OYS missions were rife with shitty mission statements and I got a graduate degree in writing them.",,47,YDDMS,1685499425.0 +marriedredpill,13vkj8g,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 30, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1685435410.0 +marriedredpill,13scumm,STFU on a Group Level,"Local faggot, so I have no wisdom to add here, just an observation: The continuing weekly OYS paired with the sharp decline of topic/field report posts signals a focused stfu attitude about improving. That's an interesting part of RP and especially MRP that I've surmised. To talk about it, which is feminine in nature, is not the point or the goal. Get to a place where you embody the principles and bank the intellectual resources, such that speaking is irrelevant. + +Its refreshing and one of the biggest hurdles in my view, that consistency requires commitment beyond constantly commenting about the struggle. So for all the assholes still complaining and not getting on top of your shit, I say to myself, just stfu and work.",,3,AfterDeath101,1685106603.0 +marriedredpill,13pif5v,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 23, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,1684830608.0 +marriedredpill,13iz6dq,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 16, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,1684225810.0 +marriedredpill,13cjnuz,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 09, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,1683621009.0 +marriedredpill,135f5a7,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 02, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,1683016210.0 +marriedredpill,12ycywf,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 25, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,32,AutoModerator,1682411409.0 +marriedredpill,12qg2bk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 18, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,1681806609.0 +marriedredpill,12id8zh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 11, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1681201811.0 +marriedredpill,12bctgk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 04, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,1680597011.0 +marriedredpill,124i00h,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 28, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1679992210.0 +marriedredpill,11xb0no,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 21, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1679387411.0 +marriedredpill,11r0p0u,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 14, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,1678782611.0 +marriedredpill,11m8qll,5 year Field Report - If you can't be vulnerable your frame is shit,"It's been a minute since I added some post value to the MRP sub here, and I've always found that Field Reports provide the most. + +It's been about 5 years + since I found this corner of the internet. [My entire first year is chronicled](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/j3zg2a/what_a_year_of_owning_your_shit_looks_like/) here for anyone to read. I've always been a wild ride - high performance, high output, high energy and high rewards. I did the work back then, even beginning a 24/7 D/s relationship with my wife which a lot of dudes here think is some aspirational holy grail of relationships where sex is on demand and my wife is a nymphomaniac. I mean, those things are absolutely true, yes. But recently I was asked [how things were going for me now](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/117yhws/own_your_shit_weekly_february_21_2023/j9hs86g/?context=3)? + +I said the jury was still out on that one. If you're read my stuff, you'll agree that I probably pushed harder than anyone here at MRP to the furthest reaches of sex in marriage. I've taken the sexual polarization of the masculine and feminine to the edges beyond anyone here I can remember. I've made this my hobby for over 4 years of discovering every corner of a woman's sexual mind, her strategy, and what makes it tick. I'm a master of sexual fulfillment for myself and I've gotten what most guys here dream of. If I told anyone what I'm up to in that area of my life I'd probably be in jail by now. Go [read my cheat codes](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/) for a tame example of the things I've discovered and field tested with success. + +It used to be that I needed to create challenges for myself to satisfy a sense of self-worth in all areas of my life, sexually included. But sexually to a lesser extent. I wanted to reach into the darkest parts of my mind and make them a reality. And, I did. It was some dumbass David Goggins bullshit built on a shit foundation of chasing the dragon. Nowadays it's a fun sidequest. + +What I'm here to report is that even though I had built an amazing life with a crazy $$$ C-level job where I travel the world, any woman I would want will look at me in ways every man here would desire, I have a wife who desires to fuck me 7 times a day, and productive kids in the world... something was gnawing at me and I was unhappy on the inside. Like a true Redpill Bro^(TM) I powered through that unhappiness. Life is hard work, right? Some would comment to me it was because I was delusional with my wife, or myself being a narcassist asshole to a dark triad degree, or something something something. I listened and STFU without judgement. But still found no one could nail the magic mental model or answers or questions that would give me an insight into *why* this lonely feeling inside me existed despite my abundant life. + +Hell, even I espoused that being lonely was a virtue of a man that understood the reality of his real place in the world and you could find comradery with other men that shared that experience. That part is true, but what I didn't realize until recently is that my adoption of this loneliness was just an excuse to cover up a larger gaping hole in my own frame that only I could find... because I was the only one who created it. Hidden deep inside my frame was another frame guarding my desires for joy. My frame is/was made of steel to both the world and women, yet, that did not protect something inside my heart. Yet, as I did the hard work more and more - the mental and physical lifting - and undoubtedly got some of the best results any man could imagine, I had forgotten that [happiness is only real when it's shared](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/e5e441/comment/f9jya82/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). + +This brings me to why I've chosen to write this field report. + +&#x200B; + +# Walking through the world until now + +I had crafted my life to walk through this world in a masculine and erect way that suited me - becoming exactly the man I wanted of my own accord. I penetrated the world with big dick energy that was just humble and gracious enough that it left most things I encountered with a shroud of ""who's that guy! wow!"" mystery. I'm tough. Nothing can break my frame. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know who I will become. + +As I continued to walk through the world this way, the hardness and reality of it made me.... harder. I become more erect. It was a force multiplier that every encounter I had with my woman or world made me harder and harder to a point of getting the best results of any man I know. + +I had fucked my way through the world with a wet dick and a grinning smile only to discover that it was unhealthy. I began to contemplate that perhaps I'd gone too far off in one direction and just found myself in the other ditch. I wasn't afraid of being ""beta"" or ""too much alpha"", those terms just don't resonate with me anymore or the associated behaviors. I wasn't afraid of making changes either. I just didn't know what to do. No one could help me. Hence, I dove deeper into the ""you're a man and it's OK to be lonely"" mindset. + +I had been feeling a long time that my connection with my wife lacked something of... substance. Sure - the sex was awesome, I had the best wife in the world, and that was awesome. I was attracted to her a lot. But I wasn't happy with her. I wasn't delusional either. And as I traded notes with other men outside of MRP in our super secret smart dudes server, **I discovered that guys like** /u/red-sfpplus **and** /u/tyred_biggums **, or** /u/bobbyperu **or even** /u/threekindsoflucky **were experiencing the same thing I was.** We were all profoundly successful men. We fucked our wives. Dread was at astronomical levels naturally and we had to learn how to provide duty-sex to our own wives. + +Yes, dudes, the tables turn on the other side after years of sustainable actions of not sucking. Yes, you have to duty-fuck your wife in our worlds. Sounds backasswards, but that's what happens when you're the prize. + +Nowadays we trade notes on how to manage dread levels DOWN instead of up like the 'tards that arrive here. Imagine that? + +But we all had the same problem. We didn't really know what we were all missing. So, I went on a mission and like everything here at MRP - *I tried doing something new to see some different results.* + +&#x200B; + +# The Girlfriend discovery + +I'm not a guy who fucks other women for fun. It's just not in my DNA. But the idea of a girlfriend was hitting me hard - maybe that was the missing puzzle piece? I had led my woman to become a nympho who desired to please me in all ways, yet something was awry. I was told by other vets that ""yeah man, that new love energy isn't always there - just look at me. I don't have it either"". These were men that I trusted. Men that were men. Men that bent the rules of the bluepill world at their leisure effortlessly to get what they wanted. + +But, I wanted better. + +What I came to discover through trying different things is that I didn't need a girlfriend. + +I wanted my wife to be my girlfriend. A woman who'd just be up all in my shit all the time kissing, hugging, saying I love you, being cute, and giving me that ***young feminine energy***. + +THAT is what I desired deep within myself, but yet I'd made a fatal miscalculation. I thought that by polarizing things further, I might discover that young feminine energy in her... maybe not... and I had resigned myself to the fact that she just wasn't that girl for me. I was contemplating hitting the nuke button heavily. + +So like I said - I tried new things. And in that mess of things I discovered what I'd done wrong. I wasn't vulnerable enough with my wife. Maybe because she knew all my dark secrets and thoughts somewhere in my subconscious after years of unfucking myself and re-training my brain I'd forgotten that being *hard* could be taken too far. The harder I got, the better the sex was. Always. Because fuck, it's about sexual strategy right? + +I didn't apply that stuff to my new actions. I was open. Just a ""this is me, warts and all"" approach and... I found that I hadn't been like that with my wife in 5+ years. **My wife rarely kissed me.** I lied to myself and said I didn't need it. But locked inside the frame of the frame I had - that was a lie. I did need that. This attractive man with options who had many... needed intimacy. + +# Intimacy + +As /u/man_in_the_world wrote once - [good sex requires emotion](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/a9pxnh/good_sex_requires_emotion/). While that post didn't apply to my situation, because it's for guys that don't understand how to incorporate emotion into sex (which I became an absolute master at over the years) - it is an extension of that post. + +Last night I laid in bed as my wife came in her Nadu position fully naked and I realized... back to basics. I asked her to lay down with me and said no more words. For 30 solid minutes, I just looked into her eyes. I didn't look away. She closed hers, she looked away, I stroked her jaw and her hair and just kept looking into her eyes. Every time she returned to my own eyes, I was there. [I communicated without words.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hmgdcg/how_i_communicate_now_without_words/) I said through my eyes only what I wanted. I begged it out of her. I wanted a girlfriend. Not just a lover. Not a wife. I wanted better. + +And then she began to cry. + +And I did too. + +I realized that I hadn't looked at my wife like this in a very long time. I don't know the last time. I became too hardened to the world that I actually never thought of it. In fact, everytime I'd tried to be ""sweet and nice"" to her, the sex sucked. So maybe internally I'd resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't be this way anymore for my own sexual fulfillment. I could be this way, sure! I liked it. But I also knew it didn't lead to good sex. + +After a bit of tears going, I asked her ""***what do you need*****?**"" This is an odd question for me to ask her as I'm her Dom - who is supposed to be intune to her needs at all times. Her genuine response, as I'd trained her to body and mind to naturally want through re-programming over the years was ""please make love to me"". I said no, that's not what you need. ""I need you to fuck me"" was her next answer. She wasn't lying and by this time my entire leg was soaked from her snatch and she genuinely, truly, desired sex. But I said, ""No, that's not what you need."" + +I looked at her more, silently. Maybe another 10 minutes passed. Then something happened. She kissed me. The best she ever has. The best I've ever had. Deep tongue, passionately with the most genuine history of desire. This was something that no girlfriend could ever come close to giving me. + +I realized what I'd done. I'd become so hard to the world that I hadn't left the hole in my frame that only she could enter, look around, and see the inside of me. Maybe a long time ago I was fearful that she'd find vulnerability there that she'd exploit like all women do. I was tired of that behavior after years before MRP. So, I built a wall around those things and she molded to the container provided. + +I believe why I was able to explore this is that I didn't suck and [I knew exactly who I was](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/km5m65/found_mrp_you_do_you_or_why_you_dont_have_frame/) after years of self-actualization and hard work. That doesn't exactly appear to be a common thing the new guys here want after years of work. They have no idea who they are and so they wall up and change shitty behaviors that were *needy* before and then call that ""frame"". + +That's not frame. That's a lie you're telling yourself to *build frame.* I haven't been ""building frame"" for years. It's either something you have, or something you don't. **For me, I didn't like my frame, yet it checked all the boxes of producing my known desired outcomes.** + +As WISNIFG notes - you always reserve the right to change your mind. + +\------ + +I didn't have sex with her that night. I was enjoying this all too much instead. She kept saying how much she's missed this, how much she wants all the time to kiss me but doesn't, how much she has craved touching me all the time and being near me, but doesn't. And when I asked her why she didn't do those things anyways? + +""I was afraid you didn't want them anymore."" + +She. Was. Afraid. + +And so was I, somewhere, considering that [she is but a mirror of me and one of my greatest creations](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c2l5dt/your_woman_is_one_of_your_greatest_creations/). + +\------ + +I think this cycle all started years ago when I knew: + +\- I had options because I was a man of value and I was willing to exercise those options, which caused genuine passive dread. + +\- She saw me as a strong masculine man, unwavering, impenetrable, solid, stoic. Yet I was giving, caring, and willing to make all the hard decisions and work to get them done. + +\- My woman, feeling this natural order of things, wouldn't dare do anything to fuckup her position with me, and although felt like I chose her every day, didn't think ""men"" wanted this as I polarized the relationship further and further. + +\----- + +So I close with this my dudes: **The ultimate endgame of MRP is to fully understand who you are, what you're capable of, what women are, and how they work - but then taking all of that knowledge and being OK with loving your woman and risking getting hurt.** (Thanks /u/threekindsoflucky) + +There's a lot of risk in that for men with no frame. But for men who meet the prerequisites, it's required. This brings us right back to Iron Rule #1: Frame is everything. + +I will be and am more centered and happy like this. It's always been the one thing lacking in my life: balance. + + +All of these discoveries have changed me a bit, but it's for the better. If there's one thing that remains true though: She still needs a Daddy. + +Strength, motherfuckers.",,125,HornsOfApathy,1678310884.0 +marriedredpill,11ktm8s,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 07, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1678177810.0 +marriedredpill,11e0xli,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 28, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1677573010.0 +marriedredpill,117yhws,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 21, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1676968211.0 +marriedredpill,111xpv8,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 14, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,1676363410.0 +marriedredpill,10yx2eh,Hero Worship (or why you still don't have Frame),"We all fall victim to it in the beginning. + +It’s easy, we see guys in the manosphere like [insert your favorite red pill guy]. + +They: + +Lift the weights we wish we could lift + +Fuck the women we wish we could fuck + +Make the money we wish we made + +Have the family and friends we fail to maintain + +Get the respect we wish we deserved + +Do all the things we dream about doing + +They're still great examples we can learn from, but I don't have them on a pedestal anymore. + +After I abandoned my ""Happy Wife, Happy Problem Free Life"" Nice Guy Disney Fantasy, I became trapped by a new Red Pill Fantasy. The covert contract I held in my mind was: + +*“My Heroes are happy and get what they want. They follow Red Pill doctrine. If I follow it I'll be happy too.”* + +I wasn't expecting a problem free life anymore, just to always have the ready-made Red Pill answers to life's problems. + +Bullshit. That apple is rotten to the core. + +I was pretending to be my Heroes, while borrowing MRP's Frame like a crutch to keep limping along. + +In the beginning, many of us are so fucked in the head we need that crutch to stand up on our weak little chicken legs. Going through the motions of method acting The Amazing Red Pill Man to get some success, copying those who trailblazed before us. But once we know the tricks and have the knowledge, once we can write down the answer on a test, method acting stops having value. When real problems arise that don't follow the script, we go back to the same bad habits we all had before finding the Red Pill. + +Reality is that there is a good chance neither you nor I will ever get to our Hero's level. I’m okay with that. That acceptance and the ability to grow past it only came recently. + +I've come to terms with how far past my edge I'm willing to live to get what I want out of life. I found this out by doing things off script - taking action over and over for years and observing myself through the process. That's where growth and Frame development happen. + +The only way to get past your failing mental models and gain any real lasting value from this place is to apply it - something that requires you to stop LARPing the ideas you've memorized and start adapting them to your own life and desires. + +You will never be those guys you jerk off to in your OYS posts. You can’t wear their skin or screw their wives. Your only real chance at salvation from the mess of your life is to accept who you are and work with that guy's strengths, and his weaknesses. + +I will continue to make slow progress in all areas of my life. I'm proud of what I've done so far, and I'll continue to do things that bring me that satisfaction. I no longer need to hold these other men up as a mirror to reflect my shortcomings or measure my success. + +You can't use MRP's Frame forever, because it's not authentic and it shows. Borrow it to get yourself on your feet, use it to take your first few steps, then put the crutch down and start walking on your own chosen path. + +*Credit to u/Praexology for post collaboration*",,65,AlohaMaui808,1676048606.0 +marriedredpill,10vwtrh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 07, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1675758610.0 +marriedredpill,10psxtg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 31, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1675153809.0 +marriedredpill,10ook2e,When you Almost Die and Have Significant Medical Setbacks - Lessons,"**Background** + +Back in July, I had a simple surgery for a gallbladder removal. Little did I know that this would turn into a 6+ month ordeal. The surgeon made a mistake – he clipped the wrong bile duct. This led to the inability of the body to drain any bile from the liver causing severe issues. I was in severe pain, turned yellow (jaundice), had very bad liver labs spending a week in the hospital. Then I required an external biliary drain for 3 months, couldn’t lift more than 15 lbs, got an infection, spent another 5 days in the hospital, and then had countless procedures to adjust the drain over those 3 months. I finally received the ‘fix it’ surgery in early November which led to another week in the hospital. This has given me a nice 8.5” scar. Then to top it all off, *that* incision was infected and required to be re-cut open in a 2” and 1” spot in December. The final level of this… adventure… was weaning off opiods after requiring them since July to be able to semi-function normally. But I did it, I won. + +**Putting Ego Aside** + +I am a shitty patient. My (now) wife who is an RN with a Master’s in Nursing told me something was wrong early. I didn’t listen. When I turned yellow – I still fought it as ‘normal’ and not needing to go to the hospital. Thankfully, she took it upon herself to call the doctor who told her to get me the fuck (my words) to the ER ASAP. Then I attempted to convince her that I could drive myself. How much easier – and potentially less impactful – it would have been to admit something was wrong, stop fighting the pain and get my ass to the ER a day earlier. + +The second instance of stupidity was laying in the hospital at some ungodly dark hour in intensive pain. I was determined not to hit the call button thinking “I can fight through this, I don’t need meds”. I eventually realized how stupid this process was, pushed the button and got pain medicine. It was idiotic to not hit the button for hours because my ego told me not to be “weak” and instead I just laid in pain for more time than needed. + +The third instance of stupidity was getting released from the hospital and a few days (not even a week) later a tree fell from a storm in the yard. Pfft – easy shit, I lifted the tree off the bushes it was crushing, cut that motherfucker up into pieces and carried it to the woods. Two days later I was back in the hospital where the external drain got pulled out 1” and now there was an infection. This led to me to believing the doctor and restrictions placed on me. No lifting more than 15 lbs from here out. + +I’m sure there was other instances where my ego got the best of me, but those first two weeks, I refused to accept what I needed to – I was in bad shape and this was going to take awhile to recover. + +Refusal to accept reality is a big part of your ego fighting the true nature of your circumstances. I didn’t want to be seen as “weak” or “vulnerable” or “less than”. But let’s be honest – I was. I was in bad bad shape. + +**Negative Thoughts and Frame** + +Throughout the ordeal, staying positive was… difficult. Stoicism was extremely helpful. Re-reading *Meditations* frequently helped. However, there were some dark days. Where the pain, the uselessness, the weakness did get to me. My outlet was to vent to friends or family – never my wife. But she knew (they always know). It was important to focus on what I *could* do and not what I *couldn’t.* I still could work, I could still lead the family, I could still manage finances, I could still do some hobbies that didn’t require a lot of physical effort. + +At the end though (late October), I couldn’t do much. I was needing to be in bed most of the day and I could barely work. It was tough to be positive. I took a new mental tactic and just worked to survive until the next day. No expectations on myself except make it until tomorrow. + +**Not Being a Victim** + +Despite, this medical… incident happening, I rarely felt like a victim. The situation was what it was – I couldn’t magically fix it. I would have to survive through it, and I told myself I’d have a great story tell (I do). The biggest challenge was in talking to others who knew the situation (mainly my wife and mother). These people were pissed at the original surgeon and the situation. Not feeding their emotions and just continuing to live life to the best of my ability was the answer. It is vital to look at circumstances in terms of what you can and can’t control. Their emotions were theirs – it would have been easy to get into a victim mentality, but focusing on not being a victim, being as strong as possible – being the oak helped not only myself – but those around me. + +**The Importance of Lifting** + +I could not lift for months. This was tough. Maybe the toughest part. My main outlet of negative emotions was lifting and now this was removed from my life. Too much time stuck in bed with nothing but my thoughts reinforced my belief that lifting is a critical component of any man’s life. As soon as my doctor told me to lift again – starting at very low weights (which is still better than half of the OYS which is.. sad) I did. That day – I was back with weights testing myself. + +**Embracing the Challenge** + +Mentally – it was all about one challenge after another. First the error, then the hospital stays, then the pain, then the recovery, then the setbacks, and finally the opioid addiction. All were challenges. All I could have succumbed to. I didn’t – I beat them. And I’m a better man for it. In life when facing a challenge, we can either overcome it or let it beat us. I won. Every challenge, I won. At times it was two steps forward and one back, but I won. + +**In Summary** + +MRP gave the tools not only to 1) get the sex I want 2) be comfortable with myself 3) find a woman who adds value to my life 4) allow me to be the fun, engaging person socially and 5) give no fucks about being who I truly am, but also to overcome this challenge. If this happened before MRP – I shudder to think of the outcome. I would have been a whiny bitch and allowed life to rule me versus me ruling life. The application and lessons here can be applied to shitty sex lives, bad marriages, being a fat fuck, whatever. They’re just… challenges to overcome. One by one, set goals, and achieve them. + +Some of you know me – I’ve been through some shit in life. That’s ok – I wouldn’t have had it differently, because all those challenges, all that shit – that’s what makes me who I am. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. + +Thank you to /u/hornsofapathy /u/red-sfpplus /u/inchargeman /u/bobbyperu for putting the 'dark times' in perspective.",,54,Tyred_Biggums,1675041146.0 +marriedredpill,10k0w5z,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 24, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,27,AutoModerator,1674549010.0 +marriedredpill,10e73mj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 17, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,1673944211.0 +marriedredpill,10d82kt,Just want to say thanks.,"You fucks can’t do what I’ve done. You can’t do what I do. + +I hated myself when I peaked into this sub. I needed everything contained here. Don’t need to check in for measurement. + +Every time I miss a workout, I think about this sub. + +Every time I start to feel small, I remember this sub. + +Every time I doubt myself, I check my perspective against my goals, and then I think about this sub. + +Stronger, better, from your own perspective is living within your own frame. + +I’m not in this world with you. You’re in this world with me. Good luck, fuckers. + +Also, oyster caves and mushroom caps to all of you gentlemen and aspiring not quite men who need a push. You’re a weak, uninspired, spineless douche, until you realize that you aren’t. And then… no one can tell you shit. Keep growing. My pact with you, is that I won’t stop. Neither should you.",,40,Jack_Wraith,1673853311.0 +marriedredpill,10cop4e,"Me, myself and I","Women are out to fuck me. + +Society is out to fuck me. + +My boss is out to fuck me. + +Why is the game stacked against me? + +It is so hard for me. + +Why is no one there for me? + +Someone give me the cheat codes. + +___________ + +The only competition is myself. + +Focus on myself. + +Do not trip myself up. + +No giving up on myself. + +Only trust myself. + +______________ + +I like myself. + +I apply the pressure to myself. + +I see myself as the best. + +I need no one but myself. + +I will test myself. + +I will conquer myself. + +I will build a legacy, for myself.",,39,red-sfpplus,1673801971.0 +marriedredpill,1084qb6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 10, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,1673339409.0 +marriedredpill,1022kgf,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 03, 2023","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,1672734609.0 +marriedredpill,zwatli,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 27, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1672129811.0 +marriedredpill,zqj0ya,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 20, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,1671525011.0 +marriedredpill,zkqpqt,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 13, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,1670920209.0 +marriedredpill,zdlia2,A Man Walks Up To An Empty Fridge,"A man comes home from work one day. He's hungry. Not just ""I could eat something"" hungry, but ""I'd eat the fucking hind legs of a donkey"" hungry. + +He goes straight to the fridge. Fucking thing is empty. Shit. + +His mind races, but he doesn't panic. Where's the nearest place he can get some food? + +It comes to him.. bingo.. hops back in the car, goes and gets some food. Job done. + +On the way home, he stops at the supermarket and stocks up on food to fill the fridge. Then he goes about his evening contentedly with a full belly. + +&#x200B; + +His neighbour comes home from work the same day. He's hungry. Not just ""I could eat something"" hungry, but ""I'd eat the fucking hind legs of a cow"" hungry. + +He goes straight to the fridge. Fucking thing is empty. Shit. + +He slams the fridge door shut. Screams at it because it has no food for him. + +He opens up his laptop. Looks up pictures of food. Burgers, steaks, pizzas. Drools all over himself and the keyboard. He's fucking ravenous, but there's no food in the fucking fridge, so he goes hungry. + +Same thing happens next day because he still hasn't done any shopping. And the next and the next. He grows resentful of the fridge. Stops looking at it because it just reminds him of what he doesn't have. And all he can think about is food. + +Eventually, he dies from starvation.",,188,[deleted],1670277943.0 +marriedredpill,ze0ix4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 06, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,10,AutoModerator,1670315409.0 +marriedredpill,zdj9pa,Nah This Stays,"An [example](https://www.unddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/zdgskt/engagement_immediate_shit_testsboundary_testing/) of a noteworthy slip in leadership and perspective with [a few valuable comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/zdgskt/engagement_immediate_shit_testsboundary_testing/). + +Gentlemen the core of this place is notes and FR. The gold is almost always in the comments where a different perspective or flaw is presented. Men aren't built with attaboys. Theyre forged in challenge and adversity. Most of the world is trying to get you to believe they're holding your hand. When in reality they're just guiding you to the barrel they're going to fuck you over. While this place is an honest slap in the face. But at least there's a value trade happening. You get paid when we're done fucking you.",,42,[deleted],1670273536.0 +marriedredpill,zax5ro,The Second Anger Phase,"**Precursor to The Current Dude:** + +There's a common pattern for some men who've made their way here in their various levels of sucking, but actually stayed at it: They find MRP after living on porn, jacking off in the corner and scrolling around looking for some answers as to why his woman, who at one point in time, was all over him like there was no tomorrow, now barely looks at or touches him and only participates in an obligatory session once every week or two. Somehow he finds this little corner on the web and reads Steel's intro. He reads a couple weeks worth of OYS's and he's reading things that are only in his fantasy world of masturbation. Women actually putting in sexual effort for their men. Women actually thanking their men after sex. 'These men must be lucky to not get a broken one like I did' he thinks. Then he reads MITW's Validation Needs, then he finds Horns Depressive and Anxious Wives. He wonders, is this really a me issue? He starts using his eyes for the first time and gets angry. Very angry. But, he sees a path, puts down his lube and decides to do this because his sex life sucks and maybe there's something to this. You know the story, he gets a gym membership, shuts his mouth, shores up his mental models, rids his life of covert contracts (mostly) and is generally becoming a little more awesome...and confident...and usually social...and then goes out playing catch and release... + +**The current dude:** + +He's generally about 3 to 6 months in depending on his level of previous suck. He has ten or more years behind him of failing himself and his woman. He used to be socially anxious, afraid of his wife and women in general. He used to be nice so the world would be nice to him. But now, he's owning his shit. He's going out, he's more confident, having fun, playing catch and release and even with some rejections, he starts to see how easy this is. The IOI's show up from other women and it strokes that ego that hasn't been fully shed yet. His woman is back at home somewhere in limbo. Confused maybe, pissed maybe, not trusting his change maybe, who knows but the years of him sucking and failing haven't made their way out of her yet. Call it what you want, 1000 ft rope or whatever. Either way, she hasn't caught up... or cares. So, from his (reactive) perspective what does this look like to him? + +*A woman who still isn't pulling out the sexual arsenal like he thinks she should and how he wants.* + +**The second Anger Phase:** + +Now, that blinding ego that used to tell him how awesome he was when he sucked is in overdrive on the other side telling him just how awesome he actually is now and that his woman should be pulling out the arsenal and worshipping his cock like the other guys wives he reads about. Hey, after all this work, he deserves it. Enter a new infusion of shortcut thinking. He starts to wonder what life would be like without his wife, how easily he could mold a new woman from scratch, how easy it would be to sleep with other women because he has learned OI and IDGAF and now sex is no longer about validation (right?). He could easily sleep with a woman that would crawl across the floor and over broken glass...He is getting impatient, frustrated, reacting and entertaining the short 'n easy game... + +**The Future Dude:** + +He is an option. Remember the Previous Dude? He's nothing like the Current Dude. The Future Dude will be different than the Current Dude. Your new mental models have not caught up to you if you can't recognize this covert contract. I'm moralizing, right? Nope. Do as you wish because you'll ultimately be OK, and it's actually entertaining for us when you play the short 'n easy game. If you think this is about not cheating, you're missing the point. It's about recognizing your ego, not reacting, persistence, patience, forward thinking and figuring out what you want during this second anger phase. You know, becoming a man. This is probably the final large covert contract you're going to face. + +I remember that space, it was real. It was hard to think straight sometimes. +I easily could've blown the whole thing up because ""I deserved better after all this work!"" I could've and I would've been fine. This is a great time to drive, with action, the sex life you want. In the spirit of trading notes, for those of you that find yourself deep in the second anger phase **and you are really unsure of what you want**, that future dude is an option. You can put that call on him until you, your new mental models and vision are at least more clear and congruent. Shed your fear and create the sex life you want and have fun. Internalize 'Good sex is your responsibility.' Be a man who fucks. See if time allows your awesomeness and her response to you catch up with each other. Maybe it won't, who knows? How long do you give it? Your call - time does have it's limits. But you may be surprised at what you find after this phase. I was - still am. + +That current dude is either here now, will be here soon, or you remember him. This second anger phase will probably be the last large covert contract that dude will kill.",,75,[deleted],1670014123.0 +marriedredpill,zb5yz1,No one is hypergamy proof,"No way, no no not me, I know this bitch. You do not know her that well. She is not there for good. Your life may turn around anytime even if you think you are sure you are bad ass. + +I’m 43 years old 6HB, I have an 8 years old daughter from previous marriage, 2 meters tall, 100kg looking good, lawyer, I don’t lift - used to a lot, I am strong, 1000 testosterone levels. She has the same age as me, no kids, never been married, 8HB at least on a bad day. High sex drive on both of us, submissive girl, we both earn a lot of money on a monthly basis. + +In 2017 I faced a divorce and was suffering. One month later this bitch came and licked my wounds. I knew her: she used to be the most desirable girl in my class and school when we were 15 years old. We used to study together: me the ugliest guy in school and she the sex symbol. She was smart, intelligent, polite and had an out of this world ass. I won. After a nasty divorce I was fucking this godddes. + +So back in 2017 she all the way jumped in my boat. She accepted and took care of my daughter; fucked my brains out; helped me a lot heal from the divorce. + +I asked her to be my girlfriend and live with me. She accepted and 5 years have passed. + +The 5 years mark hurted. She wanted to marry and have kids, I didn’t. Life was good. Let’s keep what is good. She wanted to marry, not only marry but a Hollywood style marriage party that I had to pay fully, since I’ve paid my former wife marriage. I refused. Let’s marry without a party, no way she said, that’s my dream. I didn’t comply. + +She is 43 now and want a kid. I don’t. That’s my dream she said, who will take care of me when I get old? No way, I’ve used fucking condoms since the start, kept them. + +Red flags all over the place. Her family, who used to love me, now give me weird looks. She doesn’t want to go out with me and my daughter anymore. She sleeps a lot. She doesn’t want to hang out with my side if the family anymore. You know, my daughter is 8 and want grandma. She doesn’t step a foot in my mother’s house for 6 months. + +Sex, however was never an issue. We are talking about a sex star here. She does whatever I want whenever I want. Until some soft no begins and she gives me starfish sex after pressure. Total awesome blowjobs never stoped and thats my kinky. + +So here is the shit: my sister is divorcing. My girl takes 100% her husband side. She insults my sister. She blames my sister and that’s why our relationship is ending. I’m my sister and my nephew lawyer, I get alimony for him and his father is mad that he has to pay that much; he is out of his mind, just like my girl. + +My girl say let’s do this, It will be good, 2 steps down, 1 step up she said. This is her ultimatum: + +- we will live on separate houses; +- she will not go on my parents house; +- she will not talk to my sister anymore; +- she will not spend Christmas with me. + +No way. I refuse. That’s bizarre and insane and intolerable. If that’s it, then it’s over. + +She accepts. She holds her argument. She moves out to an apartment. I love you but I will leave. That’s ILYBINILWY. She takes her fair side of things. I pay her for somethings she bought and I wanted to keep. + +She messages that she wants one final night with me, we fuck and she starts again the “your sister is wrong” nonsense. I tell stop or leave, she says she won’t leave, I say I will and she stops. It sucked. + +From life is good to separation it took 2 months. My daughter idolized this girl, she was always there and now she is gone. No looking back from my girl. My daughter cried for 2 hours straight and is suffering a lot. My girl went full ghost on me and I did the same. End. + +TLDR: don’t take anything as granted with a LTR. Your life may change overnight.",,13,BrazilRedPill,1670036617.0 +marriedredpill,z8x7ux,Hypertrophy is King,"A question I had initially when starting lifting was about the relationship between hypertrophy and strength. They are interconnected, but how do concepts of muscle mass relate to strength. Well the more mass you have the more ability to generate greater force, but strength as measured by 1 Rep max is a skill. Sure the size of your muscle influences it, but there are many other drivers as well including neuromuscular adaptions. All that is to say, is strength work is specific to strength work. + +Why does that matter, because for purposes of this forum putting on muscle mass and exposing it by getting lean are really all that matter for attraction. Chicks have initiated contact and complemented me on my physique, but none have ever asked me what my one rep max is on any lift, only dudes have. + + + +3 principals that have served me well towards hypertrophy + +1-Intensity- taking the working sets I do as close to failure as I can + +2-Doing as much of that hard work as I can + +3-Allowing myself to recovery as needed to continue getting better and doing more work (Any of the dials weight, training density, reps, # of sets) over time + + + +Some practical takeaways and notes of things that have helped me + + + +Form matters most to powerlifters and Olympic lifters. People in weight restricted classes who have to move the most amount of weight as efficiently as possible. These individuals may be anatomically leveraged to be proficient at certain lifts. However, when it comes to hypertrophy we are not trying to arch our backs almost to rack to move the barbell only a few inches so we can push the most weight as possible. I’ve had great results at times altering form or using suboptimal form with poorer leverages to target certain muscles and achieve greater hypertrophy overall. + +Also, people have different body types, peoples hips joints literally can be forward facing or more rotated toward the side. People have different length of their bones leading to different sized legs, torsos, arms, and other body types that also can affect their leverages on lifts. Practice through doing has helped to me to learn the lifts and how they best suit my body. Over time I have developed a mind-muscle connection that has further cemented the effects lifts and their variations have on my body. + +If you goal is just get jacked you don’t need to do very specific strength work that can be taxing on your joints and increase your risk for injury. Reps in the 5-30 range taken close to failure are all you need. + +Don’t worry about perfection, pick a hypertrophy program and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Play around with different lifts. See what intensity techniques are helpful for you (AMRAPs, drop sets, myoreps, supersets, giant sets, ect…) If you spend forever trying to maximize efficiency, find the ideal program, or perfect form on a lift your opportunity cost will always be any growth missed on searching for an idealized version of program that doesn’t exist.",,58,[deleted],1669828905.0 +marriedredpill,z7nzg3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 29, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1669710610.0 +marriedredpill,z3df30,AWALT,"AWALT + +What does this mean? Most of us know that it means All Women Are Like That, but all too often we all assume we are in the same page with what that actually means or implies. + +AWALT means that there are certain scenarios and ways of thinking where women behave basically the same… **all** women. **WITHOUT EXCEPTION** - It doesn’t mean that almost all women are like that except the one snowflake you found. It also doesn’t mean that all women act the same way in every situation. It just means all women act basically the same in certain situations. + +**Think of it like a continuum** + +**For each AWALT, every woman will fall somewhere on the continuum.** On a scale of 1-10, some women will be a 10 for that behavior, meaning they have an extremely strong propensity towards that particular AWALT. Another woman might be a level 5 for example. But, on true AWALT behaviors, ALL women will be 5 or greater. Of course, in practice, there can be a big difference between a 5 and a 10 on the continuum. + +Hypergamy is an example of an AWALT. All women are hypergamous. A women who is a 10 in hypergamy will basically always be looking to upgrade and will take those opportunities to upgrade whereas a woman who is a 5 on this trait won’t be so quick to act on that nature - reasons may vary. + +Solipsism is another example of an AWALT. +sol·ip·sism: the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist. They are unconsciously solipsistic - in other words, they don’t think about it consciously, but they behave like it and think like with without knowing it. + +Have you ever been just sitting with a woman in silence, and suddenly she says something out loud about something she has been thinking about in her head? It makes no sense to you because you don’t know the context of her comment because before she said something out loud it only existed in her head and it was part of a long chain of thoughts in her head. This is an example of solipsism. She says it out loud assuming you will understand that thought, but you can’t because you don’t know the context. To her, since she is the only thing that exists, she assumes you are part of that world in her head. + +If a man is trying to get a woman who can fully love him the way he wants to be loved, he will always end up disappointed. She may fake like she can do it for quite some time, but eventually her solipsistic and hypergamous nature will be revealed. It’s not that she doesn’t care… she’s just incapable of fully appreciating a man and loving him the way he wants to be loved. AWALT + +Because of strong evolutionary experiences, she will always default to putting herself and kids first. So, evolution combined with solipsism prevents her from fully appreciating a man unless he is offering her something… it’s a what have you done for me lately type situation. It’s not bad or good. It just is. It’s AWALT + +Just like a dog is not bad for not acting like a cat. A dog is just a dog. It’s best that you as a man understands this in order for you to effectively deal with it. + +**At first glance** , AWALTS may appear very negative towards women, but they are not. They are realistic, and they are truthful. And they also have a positive side to them, depending on the context. + +Not that having a great relationship with a woman is the end goal, But in order to have a great relationship with a woman, a man needs to **not only understand the various AWALTS** like this, but he also needs to **ACCEPT** Them. + +Then, he needs to apply effective ways of dealing with AWALTs. Just saying, “oh well, it’s AWALT,” or just pointing an AWALT is **meaningless** and tends to make men bitter if they only focus on the negativity of an AWALT without going to the next step and figuring out ways to deal with AWALTs, and better yet capitalizing on the positive of those AWALTs. + +**Here is the good news** … you as a man almost always have an AMALT (all men are like that) that will naturally help you deal with any given AWALT. The problem the media, films, tv, society… etc are very effective at befuddling men and making them forget their AMALTs. So, instead, men often become prone to ONEitis and talking about deep feelings with women. + +The problem with talking about deep feelings with women is one of their AWALTs is they need a man they can look up to. If the man is constantly whining and talking about feelings, women view this as weakness in men. **Sorry, not sorry** - that’s just how it is, and the sooner you accept that and start talking about your feelings with men friends, the better off you are. + +The other thing to remember is ultimately women will encourage a man to talk about feelings as part of the betaization process. Ultimately they want the man to become domesticated but not too much. **However,** their nature is to continue testing the man , and if he fails to see he is being betaized, she will eventually become disgusted with him and lose attraction to him. This is the nature of the testing - through evolution she is subconsciously trained to make sure the man she is with will be strong enough to protect her, so the testing never ends. It’s a survival of the fittest mechanism for her to always be testing. **A strong man is mostly indifferent to shit testing** + +**The good news is if you become a strong man, you will easily pass such tests and avoid total betaization.** + +It is, in fact, a paradox… seemingly counterintuitive that in order to have a great relationship you need to accept AWALTS. But, at the end of the day, a quality man can take or leave a relationship with a woman, and the stay plan is the same as the go plan** + +**Coming to acceptance with the nature of women yet remaining bitter and resentful falls short of the ideal.** Many men are currently falling into this trap. + + The ideal is to move past acceptance to indifference, to DNGAF. Ironically, coming to indifference actually gives you the upper hand in a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you are indifferent towards the person you are with. You can still love them immensely. It just means you become unattached to the outcome and can be happy with whatever happens. + +**You become a man with a mission, and that mission is always number one to you.** + +It doesn’t mean you let her walk all over you or abuse you. It means that by understanding and accepting AWALTS you are able to deal with them much more effectively if you also understand your own nature as a man. + +But, at the same time, it needs to be stressed that **you always need to remain your own center of reference.** This is true frame. A woman should complement your life, not be on a pedestal. + +**THIS IS IMPORTANT** You are not doing all of this for a woman. + +Essentially, the fact women are like children because they get caught up in the emotion of the situation is also AWALT. +We tend to present AWALTS on RP pages as negative, but it just as important to point out that there are also many positive AWALTS. + +In fact, almost every negative AWALT has a positive flip side. For example, In the case of women being like children because they can get caught up in the moment, women’s ability to fully feel things in the moment can be viewed as a positive in some ways and in some situations. + +For example, this trait can enable them to really let loose and have fun. Ever notice most women like to dance? Often, one of the biggest reasons is dancing is very expressive and enables them to get caught up in the joy of the moment. + +So, it can be seen that you can use the flip side of almost any AWALT to bring out the positive in women. **This doesn’t mean you become a dancing monkey,** always trying to please her. It means you’re just a quality man who understands the nature of women and can have fun with that knowledge while staying in your frame. + +**When you play with a dog, you can throw a stick and the dog might chase it and joyfully bring it back to you. If you try to play with a cat like it’s a dog, you most likely won’t get good results!** + +You will like some things about dogs’ nature, and not like other things. The **same is true with women.** We can learn a lot from women just as they can learn a lot from us, and in such learning you can make your life more enjoyable as well as hers. But, I stress that you don’t need it to live your best life. It just falls in place like that. + +Women tend to not be nearly as direct as men, AWALT, but if you pay attention they will tell you everything you need to know. The question is are you paying attention to the message. I see guys on here constantly listening to mouth noises instead of paying attention to women’s actions. **That is a big mistake that you will pay for** + +Again, this doesn’t mean you live to make her happy, because only she can do that… but it means you can use her nature and yours to make your lives better. **Or you can just choose to not have a woman in your life and still be happy.** Either way, you and only you are responsible for your own happiness. + +**At first glance, discussing AWALTs may appear very negative towards women** but it’s not. It’s realistic, and it’s truthful. + +It you put in the work, you will find effective ways of dealing with AWALTs. + +You will be able to deal with AWALTs appropriately without becoming resentful. + +One more time, it needs to be stressed that you always need to remain your own center of reference - this is true frame. A woman should complement your life, not be put on a pedestal + +**Two more things** + +* If you think you found a snowflake, and you are early into the relationship (first year or two), always remember that she is on her best behavior trying to land you. All the the AWALTs will apply to her. Just because you don’t see them currently doesn’t mean she is exempt from AWALTs. It just means she’s on her best behavior trying to lock you in. + +* **and 2… listen up, this is vital….** You might even feel like this one is different because you feel like you can talk to her about your feelz. I have bad news for you, if you are talking about your feels with her, you are actually in stage 2 of the betaization process, where her goal is to get you to open up so that she can find ways where you can be useful to her later on. + +If you are always looking up to a woman, that means she will be looking down on you + +**How do you get there?** + +Mission + +Lift + +Sidebar + +STFU",,148,BobbyPeru,1669274477.0 +marriedredpill,z1oetg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 22, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1669105808.0 +marriedredpill,z1ei0h,No-one here owes you shit,"MRP is not a center of masculinity, nor brotherhood of courage. We are not your friends. No, we do not want to hang out with you in real life. No, we don't owe you advice. + +This is not a place of learning where you get a tailor made experience just for you. This isn't a forum for self improvement. We aren't your fellow 'brothers' who are there for you in your time of need. We aren't your fucking mentors. + +MRP is, and has always been about swapping notes. That's it. + +There's been an increase in threads from random people who come in with a dose of self entitlement. They've defined what MRP is, and if you don't agree with them, you're the asshole. + +The reminder here is that we don't owe you anything. This place is what you get. What you do with it is up to you. The exception is moderation - I care just enough about this place to ban people that seek to ruin it. I will ban with impunity anybody who thinks they deserve something from this place. And I will ban anybody who tries to provide advice or help people who are not adding value. + +If you want to be involved, post on OYS. Use the tools. See what happens. Write a field report where you implement one of the tools and reflect on its success or lack thereof. + +Everything else is pretty much a waste of time.",,47,threekindsoflucky,1669074858.0 +marriedredpill,yvr11k,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 15, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1668501010.0 +marriedredpill,ypfn0r,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 08, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,1667896210.0 +marriedredpill,ylkt2h,I take your she statements and turn them into I statements,"I re-instated Rule 9 for the week simply to illustrate that the way some of you write reflects your faulty mindsets. And unsurprisingly, the question back from most people banned was ‘how did I violate Rule 9, I thought I wrote from my own perspective!’. + +You didn’t. You don’t know how. + +As such, I’ve decided I’d provide examples on how to re-write ‘she’ statements to be from your own perspective. The purpose of this is not so you learn how to avoid Rule 9, but rather you learn how to initially write from your own perspective. Ideally, this will help you to ‘think’ from your own perspective. + +There’s another point here to be considered, but one this post won’t focus on. That is, why write about these things at all? Does this shit actually matter? + +Lastly, some of this shit I wouldn’t say, nor would I do. I’m not going to make comment on that here. + +That aside, here are the examples from this week. + +&nbsp; + + +/u/tr-reborn +>I'm sometimes confused if STFU is best in all situations. Although it's impressive that many times I STFU, when she apologizes she labels exactly what she did wrong (she knows all along?!) Sometimes I don't think she realizes, so I state calmly ""When this is done, this bothers me, I'd appreciate it if you...."". It seems it works, depending on how calm I say it. Although she definitely hamsters on it. + +I’ve been applying STFU to most situations, but I’m starting to think that there may be more nuance required. I mixed this up recently by saying exactly what I thought. I had some success with this, but noticed that my emotions in the moment impact on its effectiveness. + +&nbsp; + +/u/brad_jolley +>This is not the first time this topic has come up, and she has made it abundantly clear that she will divorce me over it. It's important to me because it is one of the ways that I feel like she's my mommy. The predictable threats and posturing on her part were no surprise. She was pretty icy over the next few days. I think I did a good job of holding frame throughout. I periodically reached out to and flirted with her. I was willing to talk when she wanted to talk, and I stopped her or walked away when she was being disrespectful. + +I've had this conversation before. It went as expected, but I think I handled it better than I have in the past. I tried to be understanding, but also unwilling to tolerate disrespect. I see this as an improvement on my part. +>We finally had a productive conversation where she was curious about what exactly I meant by ""look at porn"". It turns out that she had imagined that it covered a lot more (sexting someone else, strip shows, massages) than I intended. At this point she's ""still not OK with it"", but she's noticing I've been a much more loving husband and father lately, and she's really into my ""being manly"" thing. Honestly, this went a hell of a lot better than I expected. + +As a result of the conversation, I feel that there is a better understanding between us. While I may not have her approval, in the end I realized it's my choice to make. + +&nbsp; + +/u/athurfuckingred + +>Started implementing 123 Magic without my wife as per last weeks suggestions. My wife was not happy: ""There will be no counting in this house"". I told her: ""You don't have to be on board. I will do this my way and do not get into my way"". She mostly stayed out of my way so far, but is really not happy about it. + +I decided to implement 123 Magic by myself. + +>I keep enforcing boundaries and telling her ""No"" for basic requests like fetching her coffee, chocolate, or water. She started complaining that I am becoming an egomaniac and don't care about my family. I just shrug it off and she does not mention it again. + +Enforcing boundaries and denying basic requests has had some pushback. I’ve been shrugging it off and that seems to be working. + +>After last week's success in the bedroom, we are back to reality. I initiate in the evening (she is too tired). I initiate in the morning (she has to get up and prepare breakfast for the kids). She even mentions half-jokingly that last week's sex should have been enough for the month. The harsh reality: Last week was an ovulation session and I am basically where I started at 1-2 times per month aka a sexless marriage. + +Last week we had a lot of sex, but it has dropped off this week. I have been initiating consistently but have not had much success. I am back to the baseline of 1-2 times per month that I started at. + +>I was planning to do some yard work on my day off. In the morning (after I got shot down), she whispers in my ear: ""You know what would really get me horny? If you did the yard work today"" This leaves me in a bit of a dilemma: I wanted to do it and it needed to be done. But now she holds it out like chore play. Would appreciate an opinion on this one. For now, I told her simply no, but it needs to be done at some point in time. + +I was planning to do some yard work on my day off. The carrot of sex was dangled in front of me as motivation to do it today. I got confused and couldn’t decide the best way to proceed. What do? + +&nbsp; + +/u/Johnnyboy_10 + +I’ll note that this one wasn’t that bad and probably didn’t need a ban. + +> Understanding this ahead of time will help avoid initial defensiveness I've projected in the past - Wife has responded positively to my flirty/teasing attitude with her; seems she wants to mirror my actions, tends not to initiate this on her own - Slow social week, but a lot on the calendar this month. + +I’ve been more flirty/teasing than my baseline, and this seems to be going well. + + +&nbsp; + +I was going to go into detail to explain the issue with each one, the proposed change, and what the difference is. I decided not to. Do some of the work yourself. It's not that hard to write from your own perspective. + +I won't be banning next week, so you guys are free to she it up again.",,44,threekindsoflucky,1667524450.0 +marriedredpill,yj2z2k,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 01, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1667291411.0 +marriedredpill,ycsn0l,Most of you won't make it,"And that’s how it’s supposed to be. Most guys suck. That’s just how it is. What’s amusing about this observation is how incredibly easy it is to not suck. + +I sucked. I let myself get pushed around. I worried about other people’s feelings. I would take on other people’s burdens. I focused on sex, as if good sex would fill the emptiness in my life. I let other people influence how I feel. I walked on eggshells around my wife, terrified of upsetting her. + +I sat right in the middle of the bell-curve. Another average guy in a world of average guys. When I started diving into MRP, I knew I wanted to change. It wasn’t going to be fun, but I didn’t like the life I had set up for myself. + +I read a few of the sidebar books. Read the old posts. Consumed as much information as I possibly could. Then I started applying that information. Trying things out, seeing what happened and reporting on those results in OYS. I made changes. I set up habits that would help me succeed. + +I grinded it out for months. A year. Almost two years. Same thing every week. Try a new thing, see what happened, think about it, calibrate. Try something else, see the result, think about it. Re-try something with a different approach, see what happened. Think about it. Calibrate. When I was 6 months in, I was still caught up with dumb concepts like trying to exhibit ‘alpha’ behaviours. Thinking about what an ‘MRP’ guy would do in my situation. Trying to understand ‘frame’. Good ‘mindsets’. + +By mid-way through, I had a long list of actions that I knew would work for me to get the results I wanted. I took risks, I did things I was afraid of doing. And I dealt with the consequences. I dropped all the ‘red pill’ bullshit. I didn’t think about ‘alpha’ actions, ‘beta’ moves, or any of the other tropes that I saw guys in OYS get caught up with. I no longer cared what was in line with the current thinking on MRP. I knew what I wanted, how to get there, what I was willing to accept, and what the boundaries for me. I took what I needed and left the rest. + +There was nothing ‘fun’ about it. It was work. Life is work. That’s how it goes. It was dead simple though. + +I am not special. But I ‘got it’. But most of you will not. Why? Because actually committing to something, and doing the actual hard work, the thinking, is beyond most of you. Not because you can’t, but because you won’t. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. If everyone could do it, then the benchmark for men that ‘suck’ would change. It takes more than ‘wanting’ to change to actually change. Some guys will pay for coaching to try accelerate their progress, thinking that they won't have to do as much work. Wrong. The work is always there. + +If you’re wondering if you’re ever going to get it, or if you’re making progress, the answer is maybe, maybe not. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say no more than 5% of guys that show up here end up getting it. That’s your top 5%. Everyone else sits at the center of the bell-curve. Enjoy being average. Because that’s all most of you will be. + +And it doesn’t get more inspirational than that.",,135,threekindsoflucky,1666662090.0 +marriedredpill,yczkxj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 25, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,13,AutoModerator,1666686611.0 +marriedredpill,y711h3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 18, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,1666081809.0 +marriedredpill,y13knj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 11, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1665477010.0 +marriedredpill,xv9if5,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 04, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,11,AutoModerator,1664872211.0 +marriedredpill,xpatcg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 27, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1664267410.0 +marriedredpill,xowwa7,"About that wife who ""lost her mind""","UEMcGill (go armed forces and global destruction) - lol, a great man - he closed things down, and I don't remember which mod button to press to open this up... but what's happened here is simply another dude who's oblivious to the realities around him. + +""Suicide watch"" - my specialty. + +**Background:** + +--------------- + +***""Can somebody please tell me what's going on and how I, if possible, can get my wife back? I'm in love with her and absolutely confused and devastated by what's going on.""*** + +Sure, what's going on is that she no longer digs you. No big deal. Maybe she became interested in one of the other 4 billion - ~~~~million~~~~ ( jesus) dudes who are competing with you - many of whom are better than you - more attractive than you, less sensitive than you. *(That's a lot of billions scaredy-cat.)* + +-------------- + +It hurts, you say. + +Other people equate ""hurts"" with firing squad, torture, jail, deathbed: but your hurts are unique to you. + +That's the thing. You think you're so unique - as MRP has said forever - so special. + +-------------- + +Each day a thousand other idiots are born to believe how special they are, yet each (for years - I've been watching) is always unique in the same way - because of a woman. My woman this, my woman that. + +You stumble upon this hellhole because you define yourself through the lense by which a woman sees you. + +**That's called attachment disorder.** + +Appreciate why your behavior is not in your best behavior. + +Learn from it. You're not the only one - even though you're so special - consider what others have done.",,80,johneyapocalypse,1664228619.0 +marriedredpill,xj35cp,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 20, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,25,AutoModerator,1663662611.0 +marriedredpill,xdgnrj,The Book I wish was on the sidebar.,"#####Marriedredpill won't last forever + +Honestly, I love this place, and have almost finished my second book. If you don't know, Fuccfiles was a book I wrote a year back, describing my old days of pick up and how I went from average frustrated sailor all the way to sleeping with women, eventually settling down with the woman I'm still with today after 13 years. + +The professor has also written a book on Dread Game, or the process of teaching a man to stop being taken for granted in a sexless relationship. I read it and it's the best we have so far, but it's far from what I wanted. Many of the older guys in these forums have been through the meat grinder and can talk about that more. + +So as a second book I was aiming at writing a better description of Dread Game, with help from a decade in this forum and more guys than I can name. Concepts that have been here for years: + +* The tetrahedron of Frame +* What we mean when we talk about Dread: the Scoreboard +* Passive Dread +* Active Dread +* The problems that men have (1000 foot tow rope, chiuldren with dynamite, catch and release, demoting wife to plate) + +Some stuff from Jacktenofhearts, some stuff from UltmateCAD, UeMcgill, Steelsharpenssteel, bluepillprofessor, whinemoreplease, bogeyd6, strategos, Archwinger, Whisper, countpoodyoola, ford_contour, alphabeta79, alphaasWorf, iamstevemcqueen and a hundred more. As I got near the end of Dread I found out there is a real chance that this stuff is disappearing. It's getting harder and harder to find all this stuff. + +So the Book has expanded scope, and is now more like a codification of the Married Red Pill. e.g. + +* Why Father Knows Best is better than the Captain First Officer dynamic +* Why Overt Dread is counter productive +* Why Frame is so hard to describe but easy to see? +* What is the Main event and how do you pass it? + +[If you're curious I'd ask you to subscribe and I'll be emailing out excerpts for a few more months as I finish off the editing](https://www.rianstone.com/newsletter) so you can follow it along yourself. + +#####Is this place better or worse than it used to be? + +I know there's some rumblings about whether the new crop of men are better than the old crop. I can't say, you're more than welcome to opine though. I do know that almost no one who has been here for less than 2 years know who vampiresquidina is, or why she's important, or what you can learn from sepean and the amount of shit he got for holding Frame against a world angry that he didn't go back to a life of sexless desperation. Why UltmateCAD showed how sometimes you can be the worst human being in the world and thats exactly what your wife wanted from you in the first place. Why AlphaAsWold is a cautionary story for guys who can't calibrate. The beter beta divorce guide is on the sidebar, but there'sa hundred more guides like it that are just ... gone. I have a hundred different examples and they are all fading away. + +Should all go as planned, it will be a new book on the sidebar that will have EVERYTHING that men have learned in this forum over a decade, and endure after Reddit Decides to actually ban Red Pill, instead of just quarantining and banning all the members from random subreddits. + +so I guess I'll end this with ... thanks. I've always said this place is a take a penny, leave a penny type space. I think I'll consider myself square after this.",,130,RStonePT,1663098383.0 +marriedredpill,xd1zq9,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 13, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,1663057808.0 +marriedredpill,x753wi,"Own Your Shit Weekly - September 06, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1662453009.0 +marriedredpill,x5ury2,"FR: The Importance of a Masculine Frame and, as a backup, STFU","Quick field report on a fundamental but often overlooked point. + +&#x200B; + +***Field Report*** + +I've got kids including a daughter in high school. She was having a conversation with my wife the other day around the homecoming dance and who is taking who. She mentioned a certain kid that's her age (freshman) and the conversation took an interesting turn. + +Our families are friends so I know this kid. He is well over 6' and a beast in multiple sports. He's active in the local church and has all the makings of being ""the guy"" for his grade in our smallish town. + +My daughter was talking about him though like she hoped he didn't ask her to the dance. I asked her why because I thought he was her type... she's almost 5'10 and athletic so she goes after the taller athletes. + +My daughter said he was ""too much drama."" I had other shit to do so I dropped it and moved on. I asked my wife about it later and she said the boy texts all the girls non-stop but in an emotionally needy, overbearing way. He's too sensitive and constantly plays the ""I'm a nice guy who is open about my feelings"" card and complains that no girl wants him. + +I reflected on this and decided to share it here. + +This kid is good-looking, probably 6'3 or 4, will dominate in multiple sports, and is completely striking out with girls who would normally be all over him. Dating in HS should be easy mode for him yet he can't get past the tutorial. + +Why? + +&#x200B; + +Because he is emotionally feminine and needy. Worse, he reveals it via his constant communication. + +&#x200B; + +***Takeaway & Application*** + +Oldtimers on here say ""be attractive, don't be unattractive"" and ""STFU, sidebar, and lift"" all the time. Yet noobs don't seem to get that the ""STFU"" and ""don't be unattractive"" parts are just as important as the other parts such as ""be attractive"" and ""lift."" Maybe more. + +You can be the most attractive dude in the world but if you come across like a little bitch to a woman, she will lose interest rapidly. Easy example: Will Smith. + +Women are fundamentally different from men. Their attraction patterns are similar but not the exact same. A key difference is that if you don't have a masculine frame, your physical attributes won't be enough to overcome her repulsion. + +Ok, so you need to build a masculine frame. That shit takes time. Especially if you were raised by women. + +So what should you do in the meantime? + + +Shut. The. Fuck. Up. + +&#x200B; + +***The Value of STFU for Noobs*** + +Let's go back to the guy in the FR. If he would just shut the fuck up, these girls would be all over him. Why? Because he wouldn't be showing his weaknesses. Yes, he would still be immature and emotionally needy but they wouldn't know that. He would have girls hanging all over him, thus giving him more opportunities to learn how to act while he matures a bit. + +There's plenty of proverbs and sayings around this, ones like ""better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and prove it."" + +If you are physically attractive, a woman's hamster will usually work to convince her that those things which you do not reveal must be good. For example, if you are attractive and quiet, you are mysterious and alluring. If you are unattractive and quiet, then you are that weird creepy loner. + +So for you noobs, that's why ""STFU and lift"" is so effective. Lift increases your attractiveness, self-confidence, and gives you a challenge in life you can overcome. STFU gives you time and space to work on yourself without revealing your weaknesses constantly. + +Maybe you are emotionally weak little bitch who is triggered constantly. You need to fix that shit. If, however, you don't react, you don't reveal that to the others around you and they might, just maybe, think better of you. + +STFU. Detach. Learn to be emotionally non-reactive. + +Good luck.",,180,100percentnatty,1662318055.0 +marriedredpill,x1dltg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 30, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,1661848209.0 +marriedredpill,x0ztxs,don't push your wife/partner into being a stay at home mom,"Not married, two kids, 16 years in with gf. + +I make really good money. Idealistic view of parenting, I wanted to be the provider, so mom can be home to do the best with kids. (9 and 13). + +That is good for first couple of years of life of your kids. If your woman is one that is ambitious or wants to be out there working, fucking encourage it. I did the opposite. ""I make enough money for both of us"" , you can stay home"" is a two edged sword. + +Fuck that. Let her do her thing. She will not feel stuck. I will have a contributing partner. Treat her like an adult. rather than someone you have to coddle and then you can hold her to the same standards she holds you to (which is huge). + +I finally realized this after years of shittiness. I've learned quite a few lessons over the last three years when I stopped being an overgrown child that needed to be told to take care of his kids and to get off the damn phone. + +We're not out of the woods by any means, but she stuck around cause she knows she cant do better. No, not cause she's shit (she does have red flags as per Rich) , but I did win the genetic lottery at 6'3"", very handsome, built, high IQ, can reno a house, take apart my moto etc and I am a high earner (engineer). Yea, I can't complain. But I was so fucking full of myself. + +FYI, all of that means shit if you cant STFU, hold frame and not chase. Ask me how I know. I'll report back in 6 months on this issue and let you know what difference that makes. For now, it has greatly relieved her dissatisfaction at being stuck. I did warn her that as an equal, I will respect her as one ( i used to look down on her) but also expect the same level of effort and accountability (I take care of my shit). I'm shaky on this part though. I have to think about it some more. + +I say all this cause, dead bedroom can happen to even a mega chad if she's miserable and you cant STFU. + +ps . I read the rational male like 10 years ago and all I took from it was ""hey, i did that shit when I was single and landed tons of chicks!"" not realizing when you're really hot, you don't need game, or very little of it. Yes, you eventually develop some but I didn't do it long enough. I had one-itis all through my 20s until 32 where I transformed but met my gf only 7 months into my fuckfest year and I stupidly gave it all up (she was smoking hot uber feminine, super agreeable) + +And yup, been watching Rian's videos and there some great stuff in there.",,14,psycho_sid,1661807004.0 +marriedredpill,wxf178,Read a Fucking Book,"""*Read the sidebar.""* + +Probably the most common response you'll see on here, and for good reason: *if you're not willing to read, you're not willing to work, which means you're not willing to change.* + +But you shouldn't stop at the sidebar. **Reading books is like lifting: the heavier the shit, the stronger you get.** + +Reading increases your supply of mental models, which directly impacts your power to affect the world around you. As long as you're acting on what you learn, reading - and specifically, reading *outside your comfort zone* \- will make you better at whatever you care about. + +**I'm going to recommend some books below that I think have something to add to your MRP journey, either as prescription (stuff to do) or as proscription (stuff to avoid).** This is my list; there are many like it, but this one is mine. + +I challenge you to comment with your own recommendations, provided that: + +1.) It is not standard self-help-NYT-best-seller-regurgitated-secondary-sources-non-fact-checked-feel-good-horse-shit; and + +2.) It has something to say/add to someone's understanding of sexual strategy (however that is defined...and I define it broadly). + +\------------------------ + +**BOOKS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO FUCKING MURDER SOMEONE** + +Half of MRP is just not blowing your brains out (metaphorically or literally) before you get to the good parts. You know, showing up at the gym late at night even though you'd rather do *anything* else. Managing your feelings while the person you thought you loved tries to pick you apart. Posting in OYS for the 467th time just so some autistic internet retard can tell you to ""lift more."" + +[**Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins**](https://www.audible.com/pd/Cant-Hurt-Me-Audiobook/B07KKMNZCH?source_code=GPAGBSH0508140001&ipRedirectOverride=true&gclid=CjwKCAjwu5yYBhAjEiwAKXk_eLfllvPvIqM2oqgsEt8sdqv2QjyNfGIT3s7AKZjJxX29jQG-FNENrhoCJukQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) + +Tells the story of one man's transformation from abused child to overweight fuck up to Navy SEAL, army ranger, and multiple world-record holder in endurance running. + +This is a story about training yourself to suffer, told from someone who has *legitimately* fucking suffered. Every single chapter in this book leaves you wondering what the *fuck* God has against David Goggins. And yet, you leave inspired to do more with yourself, and to accept no less than what you're capable of. + +I *strongly* recommend the audio book. The narrator is the co-author, and has a good sense of the flow of the material; secondly, Goggins chimes in in between chapters to add context. His attitude is palpable. + +You can also do what I did: listen while running, so you feel like an absolute piece of shit for giving up. + +[**The Endurance: Shackleton's Legendary Antarctic Expedition by Caroline Alexander**](https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-endurance-shackletons-legendary-antarctic-expedition_caroline-alexander/247487/item/41091294/?gclid=CjwKCAjwu5yYBhAjEiwAKXk_eE48hkKTDp5Y_NJ0srThDWyc5kSRbdH6d7XvOBS7nVf1qFGK3ANTLBoC3PwQAvD_BwE#idiq=41091294&edition=2374582) + +Do *whatever* you can to find this book in hardcover. The pictures are worth the price of admission alone - they will take your breath away. + +Ernest Shackleton sets sail for the South Atlantic to try and be the first to cross Antarctica on foot. Suffice to say, shit does not go as planned. + +Shackleton's subsequent journey of survival - twenty months trapped in one the most inhospitable places on earth - is a marvel. The extent to which his leadership and vision not only kept his men together but kept them *alive* is incredible. + +The strength of will to keep going in the darkest of times, when ALL hope seems lost...it comes back to me at least once a month, particularly when I'm dealing with my own petty bullshit. + +[**Alone: The Classic Polar Adventure by Richard E. Byrd**](https://www.amazon.com/Alone-Classic-Adventure-Richard-Byrd/dp/1559634634/ref=asc_df_1559634634/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=343211960134&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4033967536956955173&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9003234&hvtargid=pla-454580101198&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=67797266063&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=343211960134&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4033967536956955173&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9003234&hvtargid=pla-454580101198) + +Another ""guy gets real cold"" book, but VERY different from *Endurance.* + +Byrd was already world-famous before the period in which this memoir occurs. Frustrated by fame and responsibility, he sets off with a plan to spend six months alone in a remote area of the Arctic, taking weather measurements. + +Things go immediately and terribly wrong. Isolated at the bottom of the world, trapped in a period of never-ending night, Byrd begins to suffer from signs of mental and physical illness. Weakened, hallucinating, and depressed, Byrd engages in a life-or-death struggle to save his own life...and sanity. + +If *Endurance* is the story of men helping one another survive against all odds, *Alone* is a story of one man diving as deeply as is possible into the recesses of his own mind. It is harrowing, beautiful, moving, terrifying, and inspiring. Based off of diary entries written during the experience, it puts you *in* this situation in a way that's hard to describe. + +**BOOKS ABOUT NARCISSISM, LIVING FULLY, AND BLOWING EVERYTHING UP** + +I've always felt that the idea of ""swallowing the pill"" was for intellectual light-weights who need someone to do their thinking for them. My personal intellectual heroes were always people whose personal philosophies would be difficult to describe and impossible to place into any convenient ""us vs. them"" dichotomy. + +An example: in my (personal) opinion, the romanticization of ""dark triad"" traits in RP is stupid as ever-loving fuck. I cringed even writing the words ""dark triad."" Not saying there's *nothing of value* there, it just feels like ""Baby's First Stab At Applied Psychology."" + +But there is an *undeniable attraction* that comes from narcissism, and reading about it is a good way of both getting at what's useful there and seeing the inevitable consequences of living it out. + +[Kitchen Confidential, by Anthony Bourdain](https://www.audible.com/pd/Kitchen-Confidential-Audiobook/B002VA8GSA) + +You absolutely MUST, MUST, MUST get the audiobook. If for nothing else than the sheer, uninterrupted joy of having Anthony Bourdain in your ears for 6+ hours or whatever it takes. + +Bourdain pursues hedonism and applied technical skill in equal measure. He pursues them to the detriment of everyone around him, and ultimately, himself. Listening to this book in the wake of his later suicide is like spending an evening with a ghost; disturbing, fascinating, heart-breaking. + +You know how this ends. You know where it's going. But you can't help but go along for the ride, thrilling to the ups and downs, reveling in the victories, cursing the defeats. + +Bourdain had a vision, and he lived it. It wasn't healthy, and it didn't end well, but he *fucking did it, no matter the cost.* + +[Ernest Hemingway: A Biography by Mary V. Dearborn](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31691700-ernest-hemingway) + +Here we go, right???!!! MEN AM I RIGHT!!! + +Dearborn was the first woman to biographize Hemingway. I'll be the first to admit, I haven't read enough Hemingway history to know how her work stacks up against the more traditional biographies, and you should probably read those for good measure. + +Dearborn's take, however, is important precisely because *she isn't fucking in love with him.* She is MORE than happy to point out what an indisputable piece of shit Hemingway could be. + +This was a man who abused his lovers, friends, and enemies alike; who was so cripplingly insecure that he held grudges over even faint criticism; who was so jealous and petty that he sabotaged his friends whenever he felt they might be pulling ahead of him. Half the shit people say about Hemingway is made up, and most of it was made up by Hemingway. + +And *yet...*what is it about this gigantic gaping asshole that makes him an object of fascination? It's because he *lived.* He *acted* \- or at least, people think he did. He was an undeniable talent, and he let everyone know it. He distorted the reality of those around him, and his charisma was legendary. + +This is another one where you know the ending: sooner or later, Hemingway meets the barrel of a shotgun. But it still feels shocking when it happens, and by the end, *despite*, not *because of*, everything he did, you end up loving ""Papa"", too. + +**BOOKS THAT MAKE YOU SMARTER (AND BELIEVE ME, YOU FUCKING NEED IT)** + +[Sadly, Porn by Edward Teach](https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-sadly-porn) + +I've mentioned this book on here a few times. I've linked here to a *review* of the book, rather than the book itself...I feel like the review will give you a sense of it before you jump in. + +How to fucking describe this thing? It's unlike anything I've ever read, for one. Here's my best shot: + +*The smartest person you've ever met is lecturing you on porn, psychoanalysis, popular culture and ancient literature...but they're doing it with the tone of someone kicking your ass in OYS.* + +That's it in a nutshell. Teach is pissed, and he's pissed at *you*, and he's going to let you know about it. He thinks you're a petty piece of shit that's being manipulated by technology, media, and the mob. He thinks you're weak, that you don't deadlift, and that you're afraid to learn math. And he's going to kick your ass in book form until you straighten the fuck up. + +I experience joy reading this book, but it isn't for everyone - it's deliberately difficult. It opens up with a 30 page cuckold erotica story to ""scare away the plebs."" It's deliberately antagonistic. + +Remind you of anywhere? + +[The Master and His Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World by Iain McGilchrist](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Master_and_His_Emissary) + +Your brain has two hemispheres, and Gilchrist believes they aren't just responsible for different cognitive tasks...but for *entirely different ways of perceiving the world.* + +Gilchrist is a neuroscientist who spends a LOT of time talking about Hegel, so if that sounds even remotely interesting to you, this book is going to fuck you up. This was probably the single most impactful book on me from the last five years - it gave me an *entirely* different way of thinking about the world around me. + +Gilchrist's basic thesis is that the left hemisphere is analytical, and divides the world into its component pieces. The right hemisphere, however, sees the ineffable ""whole,"" with no sense of time or division. Math and science belong to the left hemisphere, but insight, dancing, love, humor, etc, all belong to the right - you can't divide them up and analyze them without destroying what made them special in the first place. + +Being highly analytical myself, this book made me stop and reassess the tools I use, and whether those tools are actually helpful or not. + +This is a deep book, hard to describe, and much harder to summarize - I'm not doing it justice. Read it, highlight it, then read it again. + +[Seeking Wisdom: From Darwin to Munger, 3rd Edition 3rd Edition by Peter Bevelin](https://www.amazon.com/Seeking-Wisdom-Darwin-Munger-3rd/dp/1578644283/ref=sr_1_1?crid=22KU8DM1T0890&keywords=darwin+to+munger&qid=1661435835&s=books&sprefix=darwin+to+munger%2Cstripbooks%2C63&sr=1-1) + +This book is like a crash course in the best that the Western mind has to offer. + +Simple summaries and descriptions of the major insights of science, philosophy, and business; almost like a Clif Notes on all the shit you really should know and understand, but don't. + +Bevelin is well-known to Mungerheads - he's the editor of *Poor Charlie's Almanack,* which was a hugely influential book in my life. If you enjoy reading the wit and wisdom of either Munger or his partner Warren Buffett, you'll enjoy this book. + +\---- + +That's it folks, I'm out of time. + +Looking forward to see your recommendations as well.",,102,resolutions316,1661436019.0 +marriedredpill,wvj84q,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 23, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,1661243409.0 +marriedredpill,ws4r3p,Field report a few years after I filed for divorce,"So here I am about to give a field report. Tbh I haven't participated in this sub for a while so I'm going to make this short. + + +I've dated enough women post divorce to see this trend - + + +A woman who wants you - will buy you groceries, bring them to your house, make you dinner then happily drain your balls a few times. + + +A woman who does not want you will demand you take her out buy dinner and entertain her. Maybe she'll even kiss you. + + + +How does that relate to what ever special problems you're having with her is up to you. + +Draw your own conclusions.",,131,Taipanshimshon,1660884081.0 +marriedredpill,wq9q65,Rules,"I'm going to drop the Rules in OYS for a while. Mods can still ban at their discretion. But I'm taking the railroads off so you guys can figure out what's what in your own way. + +You'll still get banned, but it won't be because 'Rule 9' specifically. + +I'll give this a go for a while and if it doesn't work out, they can always come back.",,21,threekindsoflucky,1660694297.0 +marriedredpill,wptqkf,Here I am talking to strangers on the internet.,"EDIT: I’m not actually on the spectrum for autism. I may have overplayed that somewhat because most of you think I’m autistic. I’ll cut that shit out now. Apologies for the incredibly politically incorrect user name. I had no idea everyone was so fucking literal. + +About 14 months ago I had that moment when I finally thought to myself, ""WTF, is this my life now? Isn't there another way?"". I was 43, married with 2 kids and unhappy...an AFC in a sexless marriage with an average career who complained to his friends about his wife. I'd had enough of my own whining voice and my balls were about to rip a hole in reality so I started doing a little digging. + +&#x200B; + +**Reading and the gym.** + +I discovered NMMNG, David Deida, then Athol Kay's MAP, starting going to the gym 3 times a week, seeing a psychologist who advised me to ""keep doing what I'm doing as it's working wonders"", seeing my friends socially every week, focusing on my studies, hobbies, and my own needs first while still balancing work and my family. I started to shift the dynamics at home and feel a lot better about myself very quickly. More reading, more gym, more of the good stuff. I hadn't heard of TRP at this stage. + + + +**6 month mark.** + +I had some sort of breakthrough with the psychologist; I knew that I had been labouring to get my marriage back on track and in the eternal hope that my wife would magically transform into someone she's not; that's one big, fucking ridiculous covert contract. I realised that my wife is who she is and that's fine. Realising I truly didn't love her as she was, was a weight off my shoulders; maybe this was the wife goggles being firmly whacked from my face. I wasn't done tinkering yet though and, if I'm honest with myself, it was the fear of failure combined with my 2 young kids that was keeping me there. Something profound and liberating transpired, I realised that I no longer needed to try with my wife. I'm not saying that I just turned into a complete asshole though, quite the opposite. + +&#x200B; + +**1 year mark.** + +Things had settled into a new paradigm and my marriage was nothing more than a friendship at this point. My wife started crying a lot in front of me, almost daily for a few weeks. She was seeking comfort and I gave her a little, but I knew what was getting at her; the realisation that I no longer wanted her despite not having said it. I still felt really good about myself and had been enjoying my life, making plans for the future, studying, still reading a lot and still going to the gym. I had an overwhelming sense of calm, clarity and self-assurance that I hadn't felt in many years and her constant crying was pushing me further away. I know this makes me a c@#t but that's how I felt. It was about this time a friend recommended Rollo's book which led me here and to Rian's content which have solidified my work and learnings. + +&#x200B; + +**More crying.** + +We went on a family holiday and the crying continued until my wife finally said those words ""you don't love me any more, do you?"" I looked at her and nodded, then sat down on the coffee table in front of her and said ""you're right, I don't love you any more"". Lots more of her sobbing, apologising to me, more sobbing. + +After a while I convinced her to come the beach with me and the kids but the next few hours were a bit surreal. This is the woman I'd been with for the last (almost) 20 years and married to for the last 10. This is the woman who chose me to have kids with, and I'd just told her that I no longer loved her. We returned to the hotel at lunch time, put a movie on for the kids and went outside to talk. She apologised and apologised and talked and talked but I wasn't that interested. I began to engage a little and kept it to a minimum. Then she threw the sex card at me so we went upstairs and had crazy monkey sex. More sex the next morning, and again at lunch time. Then it stopped. I believe she used it partly to lure me back in, and partly because she's very LSE so the rejection got her engine running...who knows. + +&#x200B; + +**Sex, sex and more sex.** + +Nope. We returned home from our holiday about 6 weeks ago and we haven't had sex since. Initially she used a lot of seemingly manipulative tactics to regain frame, but I wasn't budging. Things had changed for good and we both knew it. She seemed hell bent on making the marriage work and I can think of 2 great reasons to try, so agreed to stay and work on things. + +&#x200B; + +**Now.** + +So now I have a happy, calm, seemingly content wife who is respectful, affectionate, and nice to be around. Testing of any form is almost non-existent and when she does they are so small and easily passed. I'm probably the best I have been in years and continue to enjoy doing the work every day. RP, even though I came to it the long way round, has saved my sanity and given me an entirely new and unbelievably positive outlook. I now have no problem attracting much younger, hotter women than my wife which is fun and always brightens my day. But, the sex has gone from my marriage and that's the way it is. It's been gone for such a long time, and I know that my wife's desire for me is all but non-existent which leaves me with some shitty choices that will never go away.",,31,aRtistic_kindling,1660654820.0 +marriedredpill,wpou8k,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 16, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1660638608.0 +marriedredpill,wpdy87,Flair,"I've removed all flairs. + +Purpose of flair was to make it easier for newer guys to sift through arguments. Guys with MRP approved were assumed to be at least less retarded than the others. + +Problem is, flair gives people something to aim for. I don't want that. Flair is not a goal. Getting 'promoted' within the MRP 'hierarchy' means absolutely fuck all. + +If it turns into a problem, I'll deal with it. Otherwise we're back to how things should be - each argument from a given person is taken on its merits, not on the fact some dickhead with neon orange or red flair is saying it. + +People who give retarded advice will still get banned.",,65,threekindsoflucky,1660604999.0 +marriedredpill,woyw9r,One year review: concrete actions that had the biggest impact,"It’s been a year since I finally woke up. A year since this massive fight with my now ex-GF where something in me snapped. A year since my first OYS. A lot of emotions are boiling, deep down. I’ve grown immensely this year, but there’s still so much more work to do on myself before I can call myself a proper man. + +Here are the six concrete actions I took this year that had the biggest impact. The order is more or less chronological. + +&#x200B; + +**1) Seeing a good hypnotherapist** + +I don't care what the macho men say, this is too important. Without the four hypnotherapy sessions I took at the start of my journey, everything would have been a lot more difficult, unbelievably slow. What is hypnotherapy? It’s the same as therapy, but instead of only talking about your problems, your past and limiting beliefs, you actually confront them. The therapist makes you visualise situations (purely fictional or from your past) and act inside them. The first session, I realized just how much I hated and despised myself, and how much this had been making me miserable for years. I saw myself as a child, my inner-child, I saw how I had pushed that child inside of me away, and that this was the cause of the constant, deep sadness that I was experiencing. I was the only one responsible for my feelings of loneliness. Which also meant I had the power to change them. I realized I was constantly hiding my true self from others, and that I despised myself for such cowardice. After that first session, over the course of a year, I slowly reconciled with myself. Little by little, I clawed my way back into life. To this day, I still use the tools that the hypnotherapist taught me (visualizing my inner child, etc). + +&#x200B; + +**2) Writing down my “frame”** + +I cannot remember how I came up with this, but at some point I thought to myself that I had no idea what my frame was. So I wrote it out. It came out as a list of actions I valued, and actions I despised. It looked something like this : + +* “I do not accept to be talked down to +* I do not accept when people (myself included) try to bring me down +* I enjoy spending time with people who spread positivity +* I like people who are genuinely curious +* etc” + +It was a pretty short list. But it made me realize that the girl I was with at the time was on the wrong side of most of my values. I had been hiding from that very obvious fact, but I couldn’t hide from it any longer. Suddenly, I had something to fight for. Shortly after writing this little list, I stood up to her for the first time. It's as if writing my values out had given them legitimacy. Of course, I didn’t turn into a steeled-frame Arnold overnight (I’m still very far from it), but I finally understood why “fighting for one’s values” mattered: because if you don’t defend your values, then it means they don’t have much value, and so they’re not actually values. + +It’s around that time I understood why the Tien An Men guy had done what he did. Before, I would have thought “what an idiot”. But now, I truly admire him. His frame holds even when he's looking down the barrel of a tank gun. + +&#x200B; + +**3) Reading WISNIFG** + +There’s a reason this is required reading. For me, the idea that I could just do what I wanted without any justification was mind-blowing. I had (and still do when I’m not paying attention) always been taking every single one of my decisions based on the “rational reasons” for and against. It took a lot of time, but I’m now at a point where I am much more in touch with my desires, and am a lot more able to say “I feel like it” or “I don’t feel like it” and leave it at that. Again, I’m nowhere near perfect, but the difference with a year ago is enormous. I've connected with a part of myself (my gut) that I had been ignoring up till now. + +&#x200B; + +**4) OYS “she”-ban** + +The main thing that OYS helped me with is the “she”-ban. All those who have written OYS know how this simple rule changes everything. It made me realize how little I was my own MPO. Even outside of OYS I started implementing the ban. I would catch myself not being my own MPO and reframe. It’s a little thing, but important nonetheless. + +&#x200B; + +**5) Gaining more control over my mind through daily meditation** + +I meditated every day for about 2-3 months after the breakup. I had meditated before, but this stint was the most beneficial. My mind was racing all the time. I would try to imagine the future, I would have imaginary conversations with people, I would dream up scenarios in which I was either the hero or the victim… I would spend so much time daydreaming. Meditating, I had so much trouble not being swept away by these trains of thought. So I started asking myself: is this a thought I want to remember? If the answer was yes, I would write it down, if it was no, I could forget it. In both cases, I was freed from it. Little by little, I developed a mental reflex: when a useless trail of thought starts, I (usually) catch myself pretty quickly and put an end to it. + +This reflex is still active today even though I don’t meditate anymore, and is really helping me stay sane and focused on reality. + +&#x200B; + +**6) Booking a one-month trip alone** + +This is the result of all that’s come before: starting to take care of my inner child, writing my frame down, understanding I could take decisions based on “gut-feeling”... I decided I wanted to discover latin America, because I felt like it. So I booked a flight. One month. For me, one month alone in another continent felt massive. It felt scary. But most of all, it felt liberating: I was actually taking care of myself. Once I got there, it was overwhelming at first, but I got in the groove of it. Meeting people in hostels, trying to speak Spanish, making up an itinerary as I went along, hitch-hiking… + +I realized I was much stronger than I thought I was. I realized my “gut-feeling” was much better at taking me places than my conscious rational brain. I realized the feeling of being free is invaluable. I connected with something deep down inside me that is amazingly strong. As a result, a mission has started to form for myself, though it’s so big I’m still half-scared of it. + +&#x200B; + +**Addendum: what about lifting?** + +Lifting is actually the year’s ~~(relative)~~ failure. I went from using lifting as way to channel my anger (that was great), to lifting because “I had to” and because I wanted to look good. But this is stupid. I stopped enjoying lifting because it had become a chore. I stopped making progress because I couldn’t push myself (I still went religiously 3 times/week (even 4 at some point)). I started to hate myself as I saw the muscle I had built the first six months slowly transform into fat around the waist. I tried changing my program, my diet, but nothing worked, because I was more concerned with my appearance than with my fighting spirit. In the end, sure, lifting got my confidence levels up, but it also drove them down when I wasn’t performing, which is, of course, outcome dependence and validation seeking. Just realized this a few days ago: time to inject anger back into the system. + +&#x200B; + +And on we go, carrying the stone back up the mountain. See you there.",,36,Sisyphus_XIV,1660567883.0 +marriedredpill,wmrhsf,"My Idiot Boss Went Crazy - A ""Story"" About Rambo","If some of y'all are as retarded as me, you tend to have a hard time understanding things directly and instead do better with analogies and parables. Here's a story I wrote for a comment in /askMRP. + +Consider it my field report, put in story form, for understanding years ago what going Rambo is and why it is dumb. + +&#x200B; + +=== THE STORY === + +&#x200B; + +Your boss is an idiot. + +You've been working at a small business for about 10-15 years. When you got hired, it looked like a fantastic opportunity. The owner (your boss) was young, bright, and aggressive. Together, you two had big goals around growing the business and making some serious cash. + +Unfortunately, over time, things didn't quite pan out. The business did ok but never reached the heights you knew it could. You did your best but really, the problem wasn't with you. The problem was the owner, your boss. + +He started off as a hard-working, bright guy but has slowly morphed into a loser who slacks off constantly. He is disengaged, clueless, and moody. He has never said it directly but you have learned to handle all the serious stuff such as the financials and the most important clients. After all, if you don't handle it, it won't get done and the business will fail. + +You stay on because the pay and benefits are decent and you know you won't get fired, even if you slack off more and more... which you have to admit to yourself has been the case over the past couple of years. The job is familiar and stable and that's what is most important to you. + +You do find yourself dreaming more and more though, around the idea of saying ""fuck it"" and quitting. Your friend works at that cool consulting firm and has promised they could get you that high-paying job. It's risky but the pay raise would be huge and you wouldn't have to put up with your shitty loser of a boss anymore. + +Six weeks ago, something changed with the boss. + +The owner, for some strange reason, went to a 3-day management seminar and came back all excited. He immediately reorganized the production shop with no input from you. He started talking about these new procedures he was going to implement and how they would fix everything. He started changing things immediately, even huge things that were stable and working before. + +Of course, he didn't run any of these changes by you to see if you had already tried them or see if they were even applicable. He didn't seem to recognize how some of these changes would affect your most important clients and really upset the flow of the business. + +Even weirder, he has told you to do whatever you want but is acting like he expects you to suddenly start working really hard again even though he's been fucking off for a decade+. + +You don't know what the heck to think. Sure, some of the ideas are somewhat decent but he has done this before and almost always stops halfway through, leaving an even bigger mess for you to clean up. + +Maybe the worst thing about all of this is that each time he does something, he immediately looks to you like a puppy begging for attention. If you don't praise him immediately for doing his own fucking job, he gets butthurt. That pisses you off. This is his fucking company, damn it, and now he wants you to bow down and act like he is the greatest ever for a few weeks of being slightly less of a fuckup? + +You are trying to just ride this out because you suspect that this is just a phase and he'll go back to being the somewhat-manageable-loser he has been before. Yesterday though, after he got pissy that you didn't fall down on the ground in awe of him doing some basic task correctly, you found him on his computer googling ""*should I fire my best employee if they aren't respectful enough?*"" + +WTF is wrong with your boss?",,101,100percentnatty,1660326679.0 +marriedredpill,wjxwiw,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 09, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,1660033810.0 +marriedredpill,wegy95,Dear Diary,"Dear Diary: + +Here is a list of my life and relationships in bullet point form. I'm not sure why, but it feels good to take an itinerary and everyone else is doing it. It reminds me of Sunday School when we would sing the same hymms before talking about something. I can't remember because I was trying to make out with Cindy + +Dear Diary: + +My goal in life is to be a top tier high value male. I want a career that inspires me with exciting highs and non existant lows. I want a career that doesn't come with malaise. I want to lead my family, but not care what they want or do to earn it or accept it. I want to be the person men want to be and women want. I don't want that too much though because I may accidentally sleep with more women even though my wife is mid-enthusiasm. I'd rather not talk about it. Maybe my kids can do better in soccer practice instead, thats a good goal, right? + +Dear Diary: + +I read a ton of books. I know the guys in the OWS posts really only see if I've read the sidebar so we can tell if I actually understand what I'm doing with my sexual strategy, but the new Tom Clancey novel is REALLY well written. + +Dear Diary: + +I aimed at doing 5 things. I didn't do 4 of them and failed at the 5th one. Part of my hopes that the guys will tear me a new one. God knows I deserve it, as I'm such a failure. Thankfully, a few of them did in that angry coach sort of way. It makes me feel better about failing since people will tell me I'm a bad man. To think I used to have to tithe to get this; internet is handing out indulgences for free! + +Dear Diary: + +I've broken my life into discrete categories, silos for the soul. My social life is one thing to min/man. My fathering skills are another. My relationship is another one. My attempt at a sex life too. None of these thigns are connected or related so it's better if I don't think about what I'm doing in any sort of comprehensive way. I think I read that in a Tom Clancey novel. + +Dear Diary: + +I've decided I no longer want to live in my wifes frame anymore. I watched a video by that Rian guy who said to pretend your wife is dead: now how would you live your life if she wan't there? I did just that. Normally she goes to the store and wants me to come along for company. She's always like that, I swear she would die if I wasn't there. She watched me pull up my man pants and told her no .... calmly and stoicly. She is probably freaking out right now becuase I'm my own man who is living life as if he was single. Is this what frame feels like? I told my wife about it later that night and she asked me to get her a glass of water. Whatever man, if I was single I'd be going up for a glass anyways so I got her one. + +Dear Diary: + +Today I'm going to coach all these guys on how to be a high value male: + +* Power point, check! +* theories, Check! +* Lip service to any and all of the red pilled mental models I've seen in here, check! +* Filled to the brim with everything I've done, but didn't mention in my 'mission/vision?' check! + +I have a feeling I'm going to be saving lives today + +#####Moral of the story + +Guys will put insane amounts of work to avoid any work when an ego is involved.",,38,RStonePT,1659459551.0 +marriedredpill,we67nw,"Own Your Shit Weekly - August 02, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1659429009.0 +marriedredpill,w9kitu,Using Your Anger to Find Your Balls,"This is for intermediate guys who can't seem to shake the anger phase, on the tail end of the dancing monkey improvement program. It's what I did to finally develop my mental point of origin. This is dynamite unless you have all your auxiliary SMV levels straight. It is a method to turn the incorrect dancing monkey mindset into living in your own frame. + + +By this point you should be physically attractive, have a good social life, most of your MAP in green, and yourself easily fun and flirty with other women, but still struggling with your wife, and still lacking a solid understanding of frame. A&A and amused mastery are concepts you understand mentally, but your usage of them is cringey. You are probably not genuinely fun at home, despite your attempts to fake it. You probably have a history of being a little high strung and always found yourself trying too hard to make people like you. + + +You probably find yourself angry or frustrated often, thinking you've done the work so why aren't you getting the results you want? It's because you're still haven't found your balls, you don't have the power and you know it, and you're angry that it's just not working for you like it is for other guys. + + +If you find yourself stuck at this stage, grinding day in day out, failing constantly, feeling anger and not knowing what to do about it, I suggest something that worked for me. Focus HARDER on the anger and frustration. Stop trying to fight it or suppress the anger and frustration. Go somewhere alone, let yourself get extremely worked up about your failure to succeed with your dancing monkey program. Look at the amount of time and effort you've put in to win your wife's approval. It's ridiculous, you've completely changed yourself and your wife STILL hasn't given you her pussy as a reward? How long are you going to do this? Fuck this. It's been long enough, she's not coming around for whatever reasons and it's time to get the life you want no matter what. Really let yourself surrender to the fact you failed, and that's ok, and accept its time to go out and get the life you want. + + +Something will happen. You will reach that point of idgaf that you need, not the anger idgaf but zen calm idgaf. You will understand that your anger was just a result of you feeling powerlessness all along. You will understand that you are now a free individual man in the world, with complete self reliance to make anything good that will happen, happen. It's all on you now. Your confidence and drive should skyrocket at this point, as you have just given yourself permission to have complete power over your situation in life. Congrats, you now have frame and mental point of origin. You don't give a shit about what your wife thinks, your coworkers, your friends, strangers, other women, guys on MRP. You will RELAX into your masculinity, because you've been overcompensating for it all these years and you just needed to fucking relax a bit. You'll notice you just feel happy and have fun, because the stress that was caused by feeling powerless in your situation is now gone + + +Idgaf means you're a fun driven dude who knows he can handle any problem that arises, therefore he has no problems. Life is good. + + +Wake yourself up daily to this message, and it will cement itself in place. + + +At this point, you will be able to finally uncover what it is you want out of life, and start making moves towards it. You are now the prize. + + +**Footnote** + +A lot of guys seem to be misunderstanding the format of this post. I personally think if you don't get it, you're a retard, but at the end of the day we're all retards for being here in the first place. I will spell it out. + + +The beginning is written from the perspective of a dancing monkey, meant for him to identify with the incorrect mental models. + + +The middle is an approach used for a guy with the dancing monkey mindframe to break past this incorrect mental model. + + +The end is the new correct mindset.",,51,DiamondUnlucky9120,1658942435.0 +marriedredpill,w8ealu,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 26, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,1658824211.0 +marriedredpill,w2nlo1,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 19, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1658219409.0 +marriedredpill,vx67pd,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 12, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1657614609.0 +marriedredpill,vuxv8n,3 concepts for getting your wife's BJ,"In the recent 6 months I improved my marriage. From declining amounts of sex to fucking wild and getting my dick sucked after lunch. + +Being married to me became a spiritual battle. I used 3 concepts based on Red pill theories that I implied on my daily marriage life and it improved my married and sex life a lot. + +1. SRD + +I created a own social life outside of my marriage including my children. For a lot of locals in my area, Sport mom's, waitresses they assumed (some still assume it) that I'm a Single Raising Dad. +For months I took my kids to their sport, family friendly restaurants, even weekend trips. My wife didn't even know the name of my kids team, because she took the feminist agenda ""Me"" time and I did not complain. I flirted with the single moms, the waitress, was small talking with everyone. Regardless if she was a milf or a random 4. + +After months of doing so, my wife saw women greeting me on the regular and she had no clue who they were. Kept interviewing me who these women are. + +""Hey you again, how you doing? How are your kids? Oh, thats your WIFE?"" + +Wife: ""WHO IS THAT?"" + + +""Hey whats up? That workout you recommended kicks ass. Your nutritional advice was spot on."" + +""Nice. How is your business going you said you want to....? Btw this is my wife"" + +These conversation happen 1-2 times per months, my wife has no clue who these women are. + +Well after doing this for 4-6 months, there is no ""me"" time. She is there every practice with her kids, I used to take the kids say ""bye, have fun relaxing"". +Now she is our shadow and guess what, im fucking the shit out of her, she literally starts grabbing me to bed and can't wait until the kids go to sleep. +Yeah, I was a mastrubating husband, that complained about his wife not wanting sex, like the other fat fuck father's around my neighborhood. I talk with my neighbor's wives every now and then, some litteraly laugh and lightly pull my shirt by the sleeve while laughing, with 0 self awareness. My wife's notices it, because she mentions it as soon as we get back home. + + +2. LBM + +I'm sure you hear her nagging voice already ""Can you take out the trash?"" +""Did you forget the milk? Again?"" +""The dishwasher is empty, why didn't you use it?"" + +Living By Myself. I act like I live by myself. That means, I have a standard. I try to keep it 100% of the time, but I fail sometimes in the chore department and still need improvement. However, most of the time I meet my standard. I cook healthy for myself and the family. I do important daily chores like I'm living by myself. After im done with everything, I enjoy the evening and do whatever the fuck I want. +""We need xyz for tomorrow can you get it now?"" +""No!"" +""But...."" +""If it's that important go get it for yourself, leave me alone for today thanks."" +And I go on doing whatever I was doing. +After my daily standard is met, im done. Regardless of what load she tries to put on me, or guilt trip, I literally don't care. + +3. GTFU + +Get the fuck up! Do something for your body. Get fit! +The gym was dull for me after a few years. After deadlifting for 340 for reps, squatting 240 and benching 200. I looked fit, but still felt that void. +Well, martial arts filled that gap. I literally left last year afer my first muay thai class and said +""That's it! You dumb fuck why didn't you join earlier."" +I got a new circle of friends. We watch fights together, sometimes I join the single young dudes when they go to the club. Gave me some new self confidence boost, because young women still flirt with me and some try to fuck, I'll leave it at that. + +Recently we met after work. We went for a massage after lunch. The night before we had sex. We had to pick up the kids afterwards, I told her +""first we go home real quick!"" +(Was on our way) +""Why?"" +""You gonna suck my dick and then we go on with our day!"" + +That being said, there have been main events. She even went psycho one day, told me I don't care about her so much, I'm selfish, only thinking about myself (which obviously is not true because is spent the majority of time for my family and my kids development), some more emotional random accusations. I took the divorce papers, told her to get a grip and keep the family together or shut the fuck up and sign right here. I signed everything, just needed her signature. That was the last Main event, the next day she never mentioned it and for now I have a few months of harmony, but I'm married long enough to know it won't last. + +TL;DR - Act like you're a single raisins dad. +Act like you live by yourself and pick up a martial art.",,196,dawgsen,1657358364.0 +marriedredpill,vrt3k6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - July 05, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1657009809.0 +marriedredpill,vmi7sh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 28, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,1656405010.0 +marriedredpill,vh8gpm,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 21, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,28,AutoModerator,1655800208.0 +marriedredpill,vbysex,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 14, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1655195410.0 +marriedredpill,v6q8oc,"Own Your Shit Weekly - June 07, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,1654590608.0 +marriedredpill,v4usf3,FR: Game Development,"**36yo, (poor first attempt at bulking in these months) 162-180#, 12-18%bf, big 3 lifts between 6-700#** + +This is a description of my early stage efforts to develop better game, my own interpretations of what I've learned and a solicitation for feedback and poking from you all. + +I live in a small town and for the most part, I avoid escalation that goes beyond teasing, harmless touching, and innuendo with plausible deniability. I don't press for isolation, no bold physical or verbal moves. I have fun with women and all other people and I don't hide my sexuality in a nice guy shameful way. I have fun with my wife always but this I think is a lousy way to develop your game as a skill. + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +**2 nights in San Diego (February):** + +I accomplished very little here except to determine that my starting point was bad. I went out on two nights for a couple of hours each night and **realized I had BAD approach anxiety**. The first night I went out and could hardly talk with anyone except for the bartenders or say hi to women who made eye contact with me. In my mind, this was way different than approaching strangers in the day because if you're out at night approaching women in bars there's really no doubt what your looking to do. Looking back I remember regretting not approaching several groups of girls paired up together and a bachelorette party. + +On the second night I made some actual approaches. All of these happened in a crowded nightclub where it was almost impossible not to interact. One was an extremely hot girl in what appeared to be a leather jacket and no other visible clothes. [I asked her if she could introduce me to the pretty girl next to her.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/553gwd/the_psychology_of_approaching_groups_of_very_hot/) I think this genuinely hurt her feelings but it was kinda funny. Also, I introduced myself to some people grouped up, then another group came with some mutual acquaintances. Pretty soon, everybody in these two separate groups assumed I was part of the other group. This seemed useful and was very entertaining to me. + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +**2 nights in Nashville (March):** + +I was more thoughtful about my goal here [(get a ton of approaches under my belt for the purpose of desensitization + general feedback on where I'm at)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/39qnwd/how_to_talk_to_everyone_you_see/). I looked online a found a bar that was doing country swing dancing lessons for night number 1. None of the girls there were attractive but the experience was fun and scary at first. There was a music festival going on on night 2. For my purposes, I decided I'd only approach women who were intimidatingly attractive by my standards. I stopped counting how many ""approaches"" after I got above 15. + +A big payoff here was **realizing how imaginary my fear of shame, embarrassment, or humiliation for approaching women was**. The other **realization was that I had some serious inner game weaknesses** that did not match up with reality. I felt lots of guilt and shame about what I was doing, what would people think, what would these girls think if they knew my situation? what would my parents think, and my friends, and what would my wife think. How could I explain something like this to my kids? What do I think? Don't I loathe people who try to cheat on their spouses. Am I really going to consider cheating when the opportunity presents itself? Why on earth would I do that? Why on earth wouldn't I do that? I didn't get that far because of my own fear. Fear of escalating beyond the introduction+small talk and probably fear of actually getting to the edge of a cheating decision. + +The only experience I had that came close to 'bad' was introducing myself to a girl alone and her friends swooped in to save her and they all had a giggle about it in front of me. I also came up to a couple in line for a bar and touched this girls arm to get her attention. Her friend screamed like they were about to get mugged and instead of freaking out an apologizing, I laughed and teased her. What's funny about this is that girls are actually really fucking nice about their rejections. Maybe that's why it IS painful is that you can pick up on their negative feelings; pity or whatever. On the other end of the spectrum, there was a group I introduced myself to who were getting in a car. They gave me a beer from the case they had in the trunk and took off but drove around the block and called out to me, asking where I was from, was in town alone, if I was interested in coming to their friends birthday party at some bar. + +I told objectively boring anecdotal stories in a fun and energetic way. I avoided all talk that I considered trying to qualify myself. For instance, I downplayed my job where I'm successful but when asked, I expressed genuine passion and excitement about what I was doing earlier that day for work. As girls offered up information about their lives, I asked about how they felt about these things instead of logistics, interview type questions. 0 women asked about my wedding ring but all women eventually started staring at it like it was glowing. The most attractive girl I talked to was so beautiful and sweet she did not belong in the bar I found her in. She appeared to be enamored and delighted with me coming up to her and I pretty quickly bounced, deciding that I didn't want to subject this sweet beautiful girl to my scummy, adulterizing behavior. And **holy shit, I still have a madonna/whore complex**. Fuck. + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +**4 Nights Austin (May):** + +In between this trip and my last I had a lot of one off 'approaches' with pretty young girls. It's not like it's easy now but the anxiety that creeps up became recognizable and I started to view it more like a signal that this was going to be exciting. + +If I made eye contact with a girl, I would waste no time in saying something or beginning to move in her direction but I would take my time getting there. Not go fast and directly at her. If I did not make eye contact but still wanted to approach a girl from behind or something I would firmly squeeze her upper arm or shoulder and say hi. In my experience, and maybe it's in my head, there is a loooong pause in this kind of approach where she doesn't know if she's supposed to recognize you or what you're going to say and if you can just stay relaxed and let it pass you quickly end up in a situation that's very exciting for everybody. I started to be deliberate with my posture prior to Austin (shoulders back, chest out, relaxed and cognizant of whether or not I was squaring up with or pointing my body away from people as I talked with them). + +On my first night in Austin I approached a few dozen women, mostly coupled up ([per fuccfiles](https://www.amazon.com/FUCCFILES-Lessons-decade-Rian-Stone-ebook/dp/B0873ZX5MV)). There were these girls on the street outside of a bar that I started talking to and the bouncer there came out and started offering the girls drinks. I said we'd all come in if he gave me a beer too and he agreed. If I didn't mention it before, I wouldn't almost never drink while doing this stuff. At first, that would feel so weird to go out and not drink but eventually it feels like a superpower to be going out to bars and staying sober. + +While I talked to these girls, a guy came up to approach them and after talking with him and his friends for a while I essentially just joined their group for the rest of the evening. This was a pretty good choice for getting a lot of experience miles out of my night. Me and these guys in their 20's approached a ton of women at this and several other bars throughout the night. Not only did I get to do all of my own experimentation with storytelling, asking questions, body language and touch but I got to observe a lot of these guys' experience as well. How I would describe the game I was experimenting with would be [""seeing what kind of 'negative' behavior I could get away with and escalating it"". This was for touch, evasiveness with questions, teasing, and insisting on changing venues or topics.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/64mvgf/the_most_important_part_of_game_is_not_being/) + +Near the end of the night. There were 4 of us guys hanging out with these two locals and everyone was talking about where to go for food. One of the guys had decided he was interested in the hot one and basically would not let her leave his ""hugging from behind"" embrace. I think because I was older, sober, and the group outsider, these girls were both auditioning for the role of my Austin tour guide for the rest of my trip. We were in a bar that was basically empty and they were arguing with each other on either side of me, yelling about the best places to eat and rubbing their tits all over either side of my body while the one got hugged on from behind by the other guy. I peaced out at this time because I thought I was going to feel lousy if I ended up cock blocking this guy. I regret not seeing if I could've gotten this girls phone number. + +Night number two included more of this behavior, several phone numbers, a girl slid her hand down inside my pants, another girl gave me very clear signals to kiss her and a girl tickled and pinched me so hard it left marks on me. You know what I told my wife ""This girl who was at the bars when I was out tickled and pinched me so hard it left these marks!"" I remember one girl asking me to set a water bottle down for her on the bar and I did cus why not and then I could basically smell her disappointment in this moment. It was like a shit test cartoon from a red pill encyclopedia.[In the process of chatting girls up I started to get very playful](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4wu6n4/humansockpuppets_guide_to_teasing_bitches/)with not telling them things about myself or asking them to let me guess things about them (like where they're from) then I'd look them up and down, examine their jewelry, touch them all over and narrow it down to (doesn't matter, just make it fun). This is the night were I realistically could've been fucking other girls. **And that's kinda what I set out to measure (6 evenings of focusing on game, approaching and escalating with strangers).** + +I also happened upon and helped to break up a fight that involved a guy who's basically a celebrity in my professional circle and closed down the bars with him. After the almost fight, I got to watch this guy (who is in his late 50's) get the peppy le pew treatment from an incredibly hot girl in her 20's (straddling him, draping herself over him, taking selfies with him). She talked with him about setting him up with her mom, he talked with her about his multiple wives (I have no idea if that's true). Both were communicating with each other very differently, but clearly, in how they were touching each other. All of this was in front of her fiancee who was a tall, attractive, nice, bradley cooper looking dude. It was absolutely insane. + +Third night was more of the same. It was the first time being married really got pressed on by some girls: + +Her ""Are you married? Or do you just wear that to pick girls up?"" + +Me ""I'm flattered, but I cant get married to you."" + +Her ""Are you married?"" + +Me ""I'm not marriage material."" + +Eventually it was just ""Yes, of course I'm married, don't feel like talking about it."" + strained uncomfortable smile. This shit really killed my mood. And in the grand scheme of things, I determined I wouldn't want to start going in this direction unless I become tremendously more comfortable with it. Having said all the, the girls were not that upset about it, if anything they were excited about their indignation over this. The smallest of them I actually threw over my shoulder and carried her from bar to bar along with the occasional spanking while we hung out. There were a couple of other very clear openings for getting laid. + +By day four I was fucking exhausted. I had lunch with some construction workers who let me practice my shitty spanish and I had dinner with a couple of very fun but not hot black girls who happened to come into the bar I was in. My next trip is to DC later this Summer. Not sure what my plan is for that yet but I'll say I'm grateful and satisfied with what it's been like to deliberately put myself out there so far.",,54,ragnar_Daneskjold,1654367177.0 +marriedredpill,v1ljwh,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 31, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1653985809.0 +marriedredpill,uz8oyj,60 DoD '22 Week 8: Social life (and closeout),"I hope that you all have been smart enough to be contemplating this week's topic even though the post is coming in at the end instead of the beginning? + +If so, you have been examining your social life, and reading up on what our membership has had to say about it in the years past. The only thing I will add this year is that social skills are essential for a balanced and fulfilling life. Get to know your neighbors. Show some interest in the world and take up some new activities. LIVE some, yes? + +For those who are about to finish strong and have stuck with it all throughout the 60 days, I hope you have laid the foundations of a New You. Change is hard, and it doesn't come right away. As I said at the beginning, you learned bad habits slowly, so you can learn good ones too. Consistency and reinforcement are the keys. + +If you fell off the wagon, don't despair. The most important thing is to get back on the wagon, and try to stay on it longer this time. Get back to the good habits, and don't worry if you fell back into the old a little. + +Summer is here, and I hope you all will stride into the unknown that this year holds for us with a sense of purpose, a sense of confidence, and a sense of joy for being alive. + +See ya next time.",,27,SorcererKing,1653688069.0 +marriedredpill,uwm1y6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 24, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,1653381009.0 +marriedredpill,urhu27,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 17, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,1652776210.0 +marriedredpill,ur3l0d,60 DoD '22 Week 7: Career,"This week you are contemplating your vocation and what it does for you, then scheming about how to change it (if need be). + +Many of you have been holding back -- choosing the safety of the familiar instead of the risk of increased responsibility or trying something new. This stunts you intellectually and emotionally, and will bleed into other facets of your life. Others among you are motivated, but unsure how to maneuver yourself into the path of greater opportunity. Still others have never even thought of your career in the context of RP, and are probably wondering why it is a week in the 60 DoD. + +You can of course read the information laid down in prior years, and you really should check out those resources, particularly if this is your first 60 DoD rodeo. I also recommend [this post](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4uv6dr/theory_firing_the_customer/) by u/UEMcGill. Though it was not career-oriented, it is a lesson from that context, and offers you some important cues on frame. + +What I'd like to do this year is to have anyone who needs help in this area ask questions below. There are a number of guys here who are on-point with their career, some quite experienced and powerful in their industries. If you ask intelligent questions from a place of authenticity and congruence, I'm betting you'll get good answers. This is an experiment; don't askMRP me here on this thread. Retarded Kindergarten questions like ""How do I get a better job?"" will result in bans of indeterminate length. + +Bring it.",,18,SorcererKing,1652728438.0 +marriedredpill,unrgaf,Call-out posts,"We've seen an increase in 'call-out' styled posts on the subreddit. I have also [contributed to this](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/sid2ic/be_less_shit/), so I'm not just waggling my finger at everyone else. + +Generally, the intent of these posts is to call attention to a specific issue or topic, and to highlight how 'not' to do something. Here's a bunch of things that other people have done. Don't do those things. This can be useful for people who are either unaware of the mistakes they are making, or who respond well to being whipped. + +However, these type of posts put the poster in the position of judge and executioner, and the audience as jury. Whatever it is the poster is or is not doing, at least it's better than those people that they call out. I might suck, but at least I don't suck as much as these guys. It is fun to write these type of posts, as you can take a selection of the worst examples from OYS and parade them in front of everyone. Look at these guys. They're terrible! But it is 'they' that are terrible, not 'I'. And these posts are full of 'you' statements. + +Similar to 'she' statements, 'you' statements direct the locus of control onto someone else. And we want to generally be encouraging 'I' statements. Posts with lots of 'I' statements follow a format of 'this is what I did, this is why it worked for me'. Posts with lots of 'You' statements are generally 'You should do what I say, it worked for me'. 'I' statement posts allow a reader to go 'Why did they do this thing? Why did it work for them? Could it work for me? How do I test it?'. This is the foundation of what MRP was built upon. People identifying problems, trying things to fix them, and then reporting on those results. + +The point of this post is to try encourage more 'I' statement posts. Field reports are a great example of this. Even people just starting out can write a post that: + +* Articulates the problem they were trying to solve, + +* Actions they took to solve the problem, and + +* Whether or not their actions had the desired outcome + +I'd like to encourage those who are actively trying to make changes to write field reports. Why? Well, [read this](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qq60zw/why_field_reports_are_important/) - I'm not going to explain shit that others have already explained better than I can. + +With that said, I'll be actively moderating any more 'call-out' posts as I think we've got enough already. + +Yes, I am aware of the irony of writing a call-out post on call-out posts.",,52,threekindsoflucky,1652325485.0 +marriedredpill,unkrgn,Are you new guys even trying to fuck?,"I wish I could count up the number of people claiming they aren't keeping a scorecard in the bedroom, but it wouldn't matter because they're all full of shit. In fact, the very second I read ""I stopped keeping score with sex,"" I already know they're lying because I guarantee in the same OYS post they're going to talk about how many times they initiated. + +Speaking of, there are a lot of guys, some of whom are months into this game, that are initiating a *pathetic* amount of times during the week. + +Just from this week's OYS: + + /u/pancakeOptimusPrime (53 weeks in - a full year) + + >Initiated once, fucked once. + +Just going through his OYS, this is a common trend for him. He's initiated 4 times in 5 weeks. + + /u/OYSFFFS + +>As a result of this, I’m going to try and stop giving a fuck about how often I am or am not feeling turned on, and only act on my desire when I truly, genuinely feel it coursing through my veins. If a week passes and, for whatever reason, I haven’t felt turned on, what does it matter? I have other things going on in my life. + +This guy, after hearing about a friend who has sex once a month, decides that maybe not initiating at all is a-okay for him. + + /u/Restlessmindsyndrome + +>I’m going to initiate this week only when I’m genuinely feeling horny and energized enough to have fun. + +Now in this guy's defense, he was sick, so he didn't want to have sex much that week. But it's his comment here that's going to springboard a point in a moment. + + /u/Hot_Cactus + +> 1/1 initiation: firm 'no'. + +>Escalate to 1x authentic initiation. + +This guy is initiating once and decides to escalate how often he initiates: to once. + + /u/roboKevoX + +>I was rejected twice this week. Both initiations were weak + +Initiated twice. Claims he's going to initiate more confidently. Doesn't mention more often. + +Now look, I'm not a seasoned vet here, but I'm writing this post to newer guys from the prospective of a retard (who is currently still fat and was literally banned about 6 weeks ago). You came here to MRP to FUCK. You stumbled upon this small den of cavemen because you were fed up with the state of your sex life, and you discovered the opportunity to figure your life out. I know it gets confusing because there's a heavy emphasis on *not* using sex for validation. Therefore, don't initiate as much, right? Just have sex when I really feel like it, right? Sex isn't all that important, right? + +That's a misconception. If you're a healthy male, you should have the urge to fuck. Often. I get that shit happens to prevent you from feeling up to it every day, but if you're feeling horny only 1-2 times a week for months on end, then there's something else you need to get checked. Maybe your T levels suck. Maybe you aren't managing stress correctly. + +Or maybe you're full of shit and you're avoiding initiating as a defense mechanism for your fragile ego. + +I speak from experience. I used to avoid initiating because I didn't know how to game my wife. I assumed it was a no, so I did a lot of reading about sex, thinking about initiating, and imagining some kind of fairy tale relationship with my wife where we fuck every day. + +But the truth is, you will only grow through action. Start initiating. Start running game. If you're months into this and aren't initiating often, then you're off the mark. + +And for god's sake: Stop with the ""authentic initiations"" contrived bullshit. *Oh, this week I* **plan** *to initiate with confidence!* Come on, man. Grow some balls. Start flirting. And initiate. + +Your OYS posts (and those of us reading) will benefit from it.",,57,AcademicDumbass,1652305238.0 +marriedredpill,umdx5o,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 10, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,1652171409.0 +marriedredpill,ultxjy,60 DoD '22 Week 6: Finances,"**Intro/Summary:** + +Let’s get those beta bucks in order. All of this is geared towards guys in the US but will be relevant abroad too. The biggest and most telling piece of information I want from anyone who comments on here is: + +***What % of your income is set aside for the long term?*** + +There are lots of other questions I could ask but this is the “What are your lifts” question as it relates to your financial situation. David Deida talks about how masculinity can only be developed through challenge and austerity, and this absolutely relates to dominating your financial life: what you earn (challenge) and what you’re able to live on (austerity). These are the two levers you can pull in controlling your financial situation and that’s assuming that YOU (not your wife) is in control of the finances. If you’re not in control, my advice is to get hotter and better at sex so that her hypergamy will force her to increase your allowance. + +**Budget:** I hate budgeting. I don’t make budgets beyond (what are all my major bills) and don’t think you need to either. What you do need to do, is track what you earn each month and how many of those dollars did you keep for yourself. If that's in order it doesn't matter where you spend the rest. Almost everything you make is going to quickly belong to someone else, the grocery store, the movie theater, your gym, etc. + +You just need three numbers: + +Gross Income (big number on the paycheck) + +Net Income (smaller number on the paycheck) + +Long Term Savings (this is the one you got to figure out for yourself) + +Did it go in your 401k? count it. Building up your emergency fund. Count it. Did it go back into your business or your rental property. Count it. (BTW, if you’re self-employed, don’t be such a spaz about not knowing what your income and savings is. Just figure out a way to track something the same way every month.) Are you saving for a Mexico vacation this Summer? That’s short term doesn’t count. Saving for the next car? That’s a depreciating use asset and you’ll never see those dollars again, doesn’t count. + +After you do this, you might go, “holy shit I’m barely saving anything, where is all this money going?” And you’ll want to go down the depressing road of lining out your budget and you and you wife will be score boarding in no time about sephora and taxidermy and neither of those has anything to do with your actual financial problems. Have fun. + +**Net Worth:** List out your assets. Start with all your available cash savings. Then list all your investable assets (things that can be turned into cash and used elsewhere reasonably fast). *This section, the investable assets, is the thing that will dictate what you live on in retirement.* List out stuff that has value but can’t quickly or reasonably be turned into usable dollars (this is stuff like your primary residence, cars, jewelry, etc.) You cannot list things like your great education or your winning smile or your crossfit friendships. These things have no real value. List your debts on the other side of the page. Calculate the difference of the totals and that’s your net worth. You should end up with something that looks [like this](https://imgur.com/aW1xt8o). + +Be mindful of if you live in a community property state or not. + +**Investments/Inflation:** + +I’m not going to comment on what investments to make other than to say that if you have a match in your 401k, use it, and always look for all the potential tax advantages that you can. Inflation is actually getting some attention right now, but it doesn’t have to be significant to be a tremendous burden in your life. + +[This chart](https://imgur.com/ml3x05e) shows what regular inflation will do over your life. It might take over $120,000 at the end of your life to buy what $10,000 got you at age 20. Probably all the money you’re going to earn in your life will come in between age 20 and 65 but about 75% of all the dollars you’re going to spend will be spent in those last 35 years. That’s assuming 3% inflation, no increase in your lifestyle ever, no big medical stuff at the end of your life which are all things I would encourage you to prepare for. + +How much will you eventually need? Lets say you're in your 40's, you're going to need about 2x your current cashflow by the time your mid 60's roll around. A very common rule for what you can draw out of your investments in retirement is 4% and that's because they're assuming you're going to earn 7%, lose 3% to inflation leaving you with 4% to play with while keeping up with inflation for the last 30 years of your life. If it's 4% that means you need to have 300x your monthly draw socked away in your retirement. If it's 20 years in the future that's 600x. + +Some guy's stbxw on here is planning to not work and live on $3,500/m for foreseeable future. She'd need to accumulate 2.1M to retire with that lifestyle 20 years from now. That's a huge pile of money for someone planning to only live on $3,500/m forever. + +**Debt:** + +This is a personal choice. Some people do great with huge amounts of debt. Some people don't. Be aware of your interest rate. If it's close to 3% or less you're basically borrowing money for free after adjusting for inflation. If you have a debt in the 7%+ range, think of paying it off like getting a guaranteed return equal to your interest rate. + +**Emergency Fund:** + +This is your cash at the bank that’s earmarked for emergency use only. Not for the next car, or home down payment or summer vacation, **emergencies only**. I am a huge fan of setting up an account at a new bank specifically for this with no card, no online access or linked accounts. Make it so you have to go visit the bank to get your emergency funds. And pick a bank on the other side of town. Because of inflation you will be paying a price for every dollar you keep in your liquid emergency fund so measure how much you need and want against the inflation cost you're paying for it. + +Only you can determine what’s appropriate and it depends a lot on if you and your wife both work and how you feel about your job security. 1-3 months of your income can handle most of the emergencies life will throw at you. 1 month is better than 0, 2>1 and so on. You will eventually have an emergency necessitating the use of these funds and usually, it'll be small like an unexpected car or home repair. Bigger examples are usually medical, unexpected job loss & divorce. Also, even when there’s no emergency, these dollars help you sleep at night. Beyond that, this is the only part of what I'm talking about here that *can* add to your sexual strategy. A fat emergency fund can be a huge source of DNGAF power. It zaps away your financial neediness with new clients, bosses and competitors and in your relationship, it makes your go plan way more financially realistic. Every other part of this post is a [neutral beta signal](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/feeq65/communication_and_signals/) at best. + +**Conclusion:** + +**What % of your income is set aside for the long term?** If this amount is 10% or less of your gross income, how can you get that bumped up? Will 1% per year get you to 20%+ before you retire? That’s not a bad road to be on. Once you're saving more, not only will you build a bigger pile but you're living on less and the burden of replacing that is smaller. It's easier to replace 80% of your income by saving 20% than it is to replace 90% with 10%. + +What are you living on now and what’s it going to be when you get to retirement? + +Are you capable (through challenge and austerity) to cut everything in half and keep going? I talk to people all the time who say things like ""I can live on way less, it doesn't take much to make me happy, I don't need xyz and abc, I could start all over, I'd be fine with just bla bla bla....."" + +**Fucking try it.** Spend the next month or six trying to live on a small budget that you say you'd be happy with. If it works and you stay content, great, you saved a bunch and gave yourself the confidence in knowing. If it doesn't work, now you know where you stand and how little freedom you really have. + +&#x200B; + +One last thing before I go. u/Sorcererking asked me to comment on the impending debt market collapse and the bubble of everything. I'm not familiar with these because I don't pay attention to the doom and gloom stuff but that doesn't mean it's not coming. Not only are these things undoubtedly real and serious problems but there are other big catastrophes coming down the pipe that are not on anybody's radar. + +There are ""known unknowns"" and ""unknown unknowns"" and the latter is the most costly. + +&#x200B; + +Links to former posts: + +[2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/n8snqg/60_dod_week_6_mind_on_my_money_and_my_money_on_my/) + +[2020](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gntzvp/60_dod_week_6_finances/) + +[2019](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bjxj41/60_days_of_dread_week_6_finances_part_2/) + +[Non DoD post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9uep23/financial_freedom_first_steps/) + +[2018](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8hii49/60_dod_week_6_finances/) + +[2017](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6a6712/60_dod_week_6_finances/) + +[2016](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/488pa0/60_dod_week_6_finances/?ref=search_posts)",,23,ragnar_Daneskjold,1652110497.0 +marriedredpill,uj8kf3,It’s not that complicated - one man’s guide to OYS,"Listen up fellow dickheads I’ll try and be brief. There’s been a string of really shitty OYS lately or maybe always. I haven’t been around here long enough to know other than what I’ve seen the past few weeks and it seems like the standards - as low as they already were for OYS - are getting worse. I’m not immune from this either, I still cringe when I reread many of mine, but hear me out on these ten simple rules bound together from just a cursory reading of this week’s latest installment of OYS. + +First. You need to post in here regularly. More so the newer you are at this. Under OYS #10? You should be in here like your life depends on it. Or don’t, it’s up to you. There’s a direct relationship between how new you are and how much you should be posting. Been here two years and haven’t made any progress or been here two years and have really improved? Same thing, probably don’t need to post much. But for the rest of you... + +Second. Have some fucking motivation behind what you are writing. So many guys lately come in here and wander around in the ether of their thoughts and feelings and other gay ruminations that matter less than 0% and are doing themselves a huge disservice. You’re wasting our time but you’re really wasting yours, writing about shit with no focus wasting your remaining time on this earth. Get passionate about putting your thoughts to paper and put some effort into this! When men do something, they do it 100%. Moreover, this is not 5th grade gym class, you should not be starting your OYS at noon on Tuesday (more on this below) or as though you are hungover and too good to be here. + +Third. While we are on the subject of FEELINGS please don’t. Seriously. No one wants to hear your feelings or what something made you feel like. You know who wants to share and embellish their feelings nearly every moment of their waking life? Your wife. So, unless she’s gay (which is possible, since your behavior nearly brought her to the brink - thinking of you Johnny Depp!) stop emulating her behaviors. + +Fourth. ROUGH DRAFTS before posting. It was famously recommenced here well before me to perform a rough “first draft” away from the preying eyes of this sub. That’s not hyperbole, you learned this in HS even if you went to public school. Its an axiom for a reason. One, it gets all the gay ass shit off your chest and out of the way first so you can smell it and flush it. Two, you can cry alone over your victim puke without embarrassing yourself. But also, sitting on it overnight and coming back to it will do you immeasurable wonders with your focus as it give s you time to digest what you are trying to imprint from your life to paper. I can almost guarantee that unless you are in the 10% of extra specials autists here that sleeping on your draft will cure 90% of your OYS posting problems. + +Fifth: Lifts are paramount. Say it again, lifting is life. In the service of this, we need to know what you can actually lift in these categories for us to take you seriously and offer constructive feedback: deadlift, bench, squat. Can’t even lift the bar, only a broomstick like this [fella](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/uhbhic/comment/i78oawh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)? Come on in, that’s ok, at least you’re being honest with yourself and everyone here which shows us your not playing games and open to feedback and learning. Likewise, if you run miles each day, do HIIT from some app you paid $100 for, or otherwise participate in any fitness activities other than the (3) I mentioned that matter, great! Do it on your own time and leave it out of OYS. We don’t need to hear about it. Similarly, stop posting all your isometric and accessory lifts, sets, and sequences. Doesn’t matter. + +Sixth is for Sex. Not touching this much other than to say I just can’t with these sections each week. Have they always been this similar? Literally verbatim from guy to guy each week. I would even go so far as to suggest a moratorium on anyone posting anything remotely related to women for one OYS and see what we end up with. My guess is it would be a very low showing of posters and information because you guys have nothing else to write about. + +Seventh. Organization: headings, font size, and structure. I shouldn’t have to remind you all but I do. Posting your OYS # is also helpful. + +Eighth: your goals. Do not spend the entirety of your post talking, thinking, dreaming of your goals for the next week, month, year, lifetime. A goal for the purposes of OYS is something simply stated that can be achieved in a relatively short period of time, ideally a week. Someone much smarter than me once stated progress is made in baby steps. Even better, state your goal in as few words as possible. + +Ninth. Brevity. Speaking of, your whole OYS should be in as few words as possible (with rare exception). If you want to victim puke then your diary/journal, responses to your post, or r/askmrp are the place. Less is more. Say it again (5) times as you re-read your draft each week. + +Tenth: Golden rule: OYS can really be distilled into these three principles: **what was your goal for x last week; what did you do last week in the service of that goal; and what did you learn that you are going to correct/repeat?** + +The above is so we can help you help your sorry ass self. Remember that. + +That is all. + +References: this topic has been covered before: + +[https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/sz6a0p/the\_purpose\_of\_oys\_a\_reminder/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/sz6a0p/the_purpose_of_oys_a_reminder/) + +[https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jw7qxz/how\_to\_own\_your\_shit\_a\_guide\_for\_retards/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/jw7qxz/how_to_own_your_shit_a_guide_for_retards/) + +[https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d98kwv/oys\_go\_post\_now\_maybe\_find\_your\_morpheus/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/d98kwv/oys_go_post_now_maybe_find_your_morpheus/) + +[https://theredarchive.com/archive/202050](https://theredarchive.com/archive/202050) + +[https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5wla15/participation/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5wla15/participation/) + +[https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting\_quality\_guide\_for\_rmarriedredpill/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/)",,8,ryaninthesky123,1651788321.0 +marriedredpill,ui83ri,Shark Week,"Week in, week out I get to read about your wife's periods. I know more about your wive's periods than I know about my own wife's. + +Why? Because you guys write about it in your OYS all the time. Here's a few examples: + +A couple of weeks ago, the wife of [**u/Persimmon\_Dazzling**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Persimmon_Dazzling/) started her period while they were on an aeroplane. Imagine that! You can read the exciting details about it [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/u708fp/own_your_shit_weekly_april_19_2022/i5bnt6r/?context=3). + +Around the same time, u/UsefulWalk4 got a hard ""no"" while his wife was on the rag. OMG!! The salacious details can be found in this [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/u708fp/own_your_shit_weekly_april_19_2022/i5dkn9s/?context=3). + +A few hours ago, u/SoggyTrain informed the sub that his wife's menstrual cycle only lasts about 3-4 days. 3 days... Holy Cow!!! Rivetting stuff, as [I'm sure you'll agree](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/uhbhic/own_your_shit_weekly_may_03_2022/i77xzam/?context=3)... + +And u/Hot_Cactus told us that he never gets any while his wife's vagina is bleeding. Shock, horror!! Though - even when he does get some - [that he only lasts about two seconds](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/uhbhic/own_your_shit_weekly_may_03_2022/i78oawh/?context=3). LOL + +So why do we get so much information about your wive's periods? + +Well, because you're a bunch of retarded cunts who are obsessed with the minute details of your wife's lives. And you think that by doing so, it will help you in your quest to get her to fuck you more often. (I say ""quest"" but I really mean ""mission""). + +Some of you retards even go as far as tracking their periods, like [this fuckwit](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/uhbhic/own_your_shit_weekly_may_03_2022/i78oawh/?context=3) \- u/SwordHolder69 + +I bet that some of you track the number and size of your wive's bowel movements too. That's how highly I regard you twats. + +OK, I get it - Athol Kay told you that you should do this. So that's why you do it. When she's bleeding you ""up the Beta comfort"" because the book says so. And Athol is a Sex God - after all he has fucked his [wife over 5,000 times](https://www.insideedition.com/2441-husband-and-wife-say-they-have-sex-every-day). Lucky Athol, she's a fucking beaut.. forget about Shark Week.. he's got Land Whale Year, every day of his life. Oh, the joy! + +I'm not telling you *not* to write about Shark Week. I'm not telling you *not* to behave differently when your wife is on the rag. I'm not telling you what to do or what not to do. I'll leave it up to you guys. I'm sure you won't fuck it up.",,55,[deleted],1651675197.0 +marriedredpill,uhbhic,"Own Your Shit Weekly - May 03, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1651566609.0 +marriedredpill,uh018m,60 DoD '22 Week 5: Game,"Game is typically the week where we have the least to say here, since so much has been said everywhere else. I hope you've been utilizing those resources this week and practicing coming out of your shell? + +This year, I'll give an extra component to think about. Hard times are coming, maybe some of the worst we've seen in living memory. The value of community will increase significantly when that sets in. Your skills in making friends and seducing women can be useful in that situation, as you may find yourself in need of organizing your neighborhood, negotiating the peace, and otherwise getting along in a Mad Max world. So as you move around the world, remember to ""game everybody"" and get to know those in your immediate sphere of influence. You just never know... + +If you have some interesting perspectives or goals, log here, report what you've been up to in OYS tomorrow.",,10,SorcererKing,1651526427.0 +marriedredpill,uc7s8m,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 26, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,1650961808.0 +marriedredpill,ubj4m6,Year 1 at MRP - Sex shame and anger,"This is the story of my first active year at MRP, and also my first post . Maybe some of the new guys find it helpful. Advanced MRP's will find a usual story. + +I was basically a Nice Guy ^(TM). I hid my faults, was ashamed of my sex needs, and expected to have a problem free life with my wife. I was not getting the expected response from her and she even mentioned to leave. This shocked me to the point I had to rebuild myself: I became more selfish, felt that I could not trust my wife to be on my team, assigned money allowance for house expenses, and got time for me. + +Although it was good changes, sex was still missing and anger was being more apparent. I got to the point where I had no problem to express my anger, but I did have problems to express my sexual needs. This is where I started at MRP. + +In my case, anger and sex needs were so mixed, that I was bouncing between them back and forth for many OYS (many, many OYS). When I focused on sex issues, my anger activated, preventing me from STFU and/or activating the butthurt feeling. When I recognized anger was active, I worked on anger issues and fucked up because sex needs where too strong. + +At some point, after 6 or 7 months, I realized that I had to take a decision to separate them. First address one, then the other. The first impulse was to address sex first, as this was a ""*need*"", while anger was … well, just anger. By analyzing, I understood it was an ego trap. The way to go was to address first anger and see what was hiding there, and then go for the sex issues. + +I decided to dedicate some weeks to work on my anger. I stopped sex for that time, and actively tracked my anger weak points, loss of frame, how I was sabotaging my own life, how I was contributing to my anger … this link helped me a lot. I recommend it if you are dealing with anger. + +[A\_process\_for\_letting\_go\_of\_anger](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4br3sm/a_process_for_letting_go_of_anger/) + +At the end of this process, I was able to deconstruct my “Anger” into smaller “anger” items, and worked with each of the smaller items. At the end, anger level was much lower than before, and I was able to have a conversation and really DNGAF, because It really did not affected me as before. In comparison, there was almost no reaction and no need to DEER. The understanding of my situation, my partner needs and my own needs was way more clear. I was not emotionless, I was anger-less. + +At this point, I was able to address my sex shame. Without anger, my old problems where still the same problems, but now they were mine. There was no one to blame, because the anger bomb was deactivated. Not even me. No blame, but responsibility. Own my shit. + +It took me nine months, and on a winter day, I had no choice but to accept the fact that I am responsible for my needs … including sexual needs. Not my wife, or anybody else. After nine fucking months, my mind was clear, and my feelings at peace with it. I was ok with myself. Even if I was still a “fucked-up self”. It was naturally the moment to make it clear also to my wife that I was taking care of my needs. And I did. + +After that moment of truth, my life improved steadily. I realized life was not doing anything to me. I was doing it to me. As soon as I started taking care of myself, things improved. + +Sex also improved a lot, although still lot of work to do. And because I am not starving for sex anymore, I am left with a lot of mental free time. I realize how much mental space was assigned to sex. + +Finally, I fucked up many, many times, before I had any success. I failed miserably for weeks and months, and I continue to fail weekly. Fail, analyze, apply changes, try again. This process worked fine for the long term, and honestly, I did not found any cheat codes yet. If you are interested in checking my OYS, think about it twice, they are not so interesting. + +This has been my journey for this year. I wanted to share, as others did before. I wish it will be useful for new guys here. I usually do not follow the indicated path, but the basics are there for something: Lift, Read and STFU is a good way to go. + +And honesty. Be honest with your yourself.",,66,omured,1650886828.0 +marriedredpill,uaaaci,60 DoD '22 Week 4: Style,"Welcome to the Style week. This is typically a favorite here as it affords the opportunity for self-expression. Put another way, it is a way to fake it until you make it. + +Like hygiene, good style can work for you without you opening your mouth. As such, it helps to form the first-first impression people have of you. We have different styles of clothes because it makes a statement about who you are, what you are doing right now, and maybe what you do most of the time. Psychologists have done a ton of research on this area, with the sort of results you might expect: people react differently to the same behavior depending on how the actor is dressed. Clothes make the man. + +So your challenge is not only to upgrade your wardrobe to nice-looking and well-fitting pieces (see prior year style guides for help here), but also to leverage the *psychology of clothing* to your advantage. Think for a moment about James Bond. Bond going to the casino? Impeccable tuxedo. Bond heading to the beach or going boating somewhere hot? Linen shirt and trousers with Topsiders. Bond infiltrating Apple headquarters to get dirt on Steve Jobs? Black turtle neck. Oh, well that's awkward. + +You get the picture, right? Don't copy Bond style-wise, take a clue from him about *controlling people's perception of you and what you're about by how you dress*. You don't always have to wear jeans and a tight t-shirt with a badass leather jacket. There is a time and place for nearly any outfit; discover those pairings. + +Declare any goals here and continue to track (with progress toward prior week goals too) in the upcoming OYS. Should you be captured we will disavow all knowledge of your wardrobe. Good luck.",,27,SorcererKing,1650734560.0 +marriedredpill,u708fp,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 19, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,1650357009.0 +marriedredpill,u5cr5x,60 DoD '22 Week 3: Hygiene,"Ok, for Week 3, you should be focused on your hygiene. As per the usual, there are great resources on the sidebar for setting goals and making improvements in this area. However, let's take this opportunity to talk about why this area can be difficult to improve. + +Perhaps more so than any of the other weeks, the hygiene week asks you to really step outside of your own ego and really *see* yourself. Do you look slovenly? Is your haircut shit? Do you need a shave? What do your teeth look like? How about your fingernails? Skin? Bloodshot eyes? + +Next, you have to have empathy for the smells others have to endure when they are around you. Do you have B.O.? Coffee breath or other foulness? Do you have smelly feet? Cheap cologne or aftershave? + +Finally, what is the touch experience your wife might have to survive when being intimate with you? Beyond what I've already mentioned, how about too much body hair in places that are unflattering? Sores, rough skin in the wrong places, scabs -- all of this adds to or subtracts from the sensory experience. + +The lucky part for you: these things are usually fixable. You can get a better haircut. You can clip your nails more regularly. You can treat that fungus. Now that you're eating better, some things might fix themselves, but you can look into the role diet plays in hygiene and further amend your dietary habits to be more inclusive or exclusive of the right and wrong things. Shower more often, buy better cologne -- it all has a fix, and that fix is in your power. + +So let's really reflect here guys, and start moving toward just being a better overall sensory experience for everyone in your orbit. Make some declarations below, and as usual, track your progress in OYS.",,27,SorcererKing,1650160612.0 +marriedredpill,u1u5ps,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 12, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,1649752208.0 +marriedredpill,tyqazo,Meaning in Life,"**Preface** + +3KL’s post titled “Sex and the obsession thereof” made me think that writing something on meaningful living may be useful. This post contains some thoughts and suggestions for finding meaning in life (MIL) based on a combination of existing research, philosophy, and techniques used in therapy. If you haven’t read 3KL’s post, then start there before you read this since what I’m writing is complementary. + +3KL wrote, “Sex is not enough to sustain a man. Find what sustains you and go do that.” What I’m writing is aimed at people who saw that but don’t know where to start, for those who don’t think their lives are particularly meaningful, and for those whose primary source of MIL comes from one domain of their life (i.e., “the *only* thing that makes my life meaningful is my wife/family/job/achievement/insert reason”). + +&#x200B; + +**Definition and Intro to MIL** + +MIL, according to one of the most dominant conceptualizations of it within the psychological literature, is operationalized as being “the subjective evaluation that one’s life is significant, has purpose, and makes sense.” It is not the same thing as “the meaning *of* life,” as that topic is not quantifiable or measurable and is generally reserved for discussions within the field of philosophy or by religious communities. The subject of MIL is a fairly robust area of research within psychology, and I’ll provide some general findings. + +Put simply, people who experience their lives as meaningful tend to enjoy good outcomes – things like greater levels of happiness, life satisfaction, and work enjoyment. Low perceptions of meaning, on the other hand, are associated with negative outcomes – things like greater levels of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse. The sum of the research indicates that meaning matters, but how do you get a sense of meaning in your life? + +&#x200B; + +**Predictors of MIL** + +Well, it depends. In *Man’s Search for Meaning*, Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived Auschwitz, wrote, “the meaning of life differs from man to man...” This philosophical assertion was eventually empirically validated. In 1998 and 1999, three researchers working independently of one another found the same four categories of predictors of MIL. By this, I mean that the researchers conducted studies (both quantitative and qualitative) by examining a variety of variables and then analyzing them to see which ones were associated with MIL, with all three researchers finding very similar data. + +There was some slight variation in what they named the categories, but the core or essence of each predictor was the same. The four categories that predict MIL based on their findings – again, each researcher “discovered” these based on their own, independent work – are: + +1. Achievement/life work +2. Relationships/intimacy +3. Religion/spirituality +4. Self-transcendence/generativity/service + +Essentially, what this means is that, when people regard their lives as meaningful, they typically cite one (or several) of these categories as being the reason. + +&#x200B; + +**Practical Application** + +As 3KL pointed out in his post, it is important to pursue something greater and more meaningful than sex. I can’t tell you what to pursue and I can’t tell you what will make your life feel meaningful since it’s different for each person. What I can do is provide some things for consideration that may help you as you think through it on your own. + +To start, I’d recommend considering those four categories and reflecting on which of them stand out to you the most as being sources of meaning in your own life. It may not be obvious to you and the question may be too open-ended, so I’ll provide a couple of exercises that tend to resonate with people who are looking for meaning. + +The first exercise is called the Life Line and is focused on your past. Take a blank sheet of paper and draw a line across it. Draw a mark at one end of the line to represent your birth and a second mark at the other end of the line to represent the present day. After that, start adding marks to the line that represent significant moments, occurrences, or events in your life and label the marks so that you know what each one means. After you’re done, take a look at the line and the things from your life that you considered noteworthy enough to be included. + +Are there any themes? By themes, I mean recurring ideas or concepts that are present in multiple marks. For example, if you add ten marks to your line and three of them represent the times that you volunteered at a homeless shelter, tutored fourth graders in your spare time, and visited a hospital dressed as Santa at Christmas, then “helping others,” “service,” “volunteerism,” or “altruism” could be listed as the underlying theme. The theme speaks to what you value. What you value may help you figure out what makes your life feel meaningful. What makes your life feel meaningful will help you figure out what you want to spend more of your time doing and pursuing. + +The second exercise is focused on the future. To start, imagine that it is many years in the future and that you've just died. Spend some time writing down what you’d hypothetically want said about you after your death, whether in your obituary or eulogy. What would you want to have accomplished? What would you want to be remembered for? What aspects of your life would you want highlighted? After you write that stuff down, re-read it, and see what stands out to you. Are there any themes? Do any of the themes from this exercise overlap with what you wrote on your Life Line? If there aren’t any themes, what seems noteworthy to you within the context of looking for a meaningful pursuit? + +After you’re finished with all this, spend some time comparing what you wrote down in both exercises to what you actually do with your time. How much of your time is spent doing the stuff that you value? How much of your time is spent on things that you didn’t write down in either exercise? + +&#x200B; + +**Conclusion** + +These are some suggestions that can help get the ball rolling as you mull over what may be worth pursuing. For some, you may already have a strong source of MIL but may notice that it only comes from one domain in your life. For example, you may really value the work that you do and think that it is one of, if not the most, significant components of your life. To you, I’d recommend diversifying your sources of MIL by considering what else makes you feel like your life matters. You may think that your life is abundantly meaningful, but you open yourself up to risk if that meaning comes from only one thing. A deep well is fine as your only source of water when times are good. When drought hits and all 57 of your extended family members come over to drink from your well and it quickly runs dry, you’ll wish you had access to more sources of water. In the same way, gaining all of your meaning from one thing is fine as long as you have that one thing, but losing it hits much harder than if you had multiple things. + +If any of this resonates with you, then the final thing that I'll leave you with is the recommendation to read *Man's Search for Meaning* by Viktor Frankl. It's fairly short and is split into two sections, with the first being focused on his experiences in the concentration camps and the second being an exploration of his philosophical ideas related to MIL. His theoretical assertions serve as the foundation for virtually all psychological research done on MIL and he is a huge influence on existential psychotherapy. The book will likely provide you with more things to consider when it comes to living meaningfully. ",,39,Arkonian_Monk,1649375631.0 +marriedredpill,tybnn7,60 DoD '22 - Eating for Health and Fitness,"This week's topic on dread is Eating for Health and Fitness. Let me start off by saying anyone over 15% bodyfat who isn't competing in some kind of heavy lifting meet, this post is geared toward your fat ass. There is absolutely no reason any of ya'll should be above 15% bodyfat. In fact anyone over 20% that's looking at this right now, I expressly forbid you to read it unless you are doing some type of light cardio: treadmill, stair stepper, bike, or head out into the neighborhood and go for a walk. + +I cannot tell you the number of OYSs I see posted on a regular basis where guys' numbers are over 15%, up at 18%, or even over 20% consistently. It is not hard to lose weight. Really. That's not a locker room mentality aimed at convincing you that something that's complicated isn't with the ""right mindset"". It's truly not hard. + +&nbsp; + +Who am I to give this advice? [Here's my qualifications](https://imgur.com/a/osaGBJk). My yearly bod pod test I got at the end of March, where the nurse tech was nearly creaming her pants when I stripped to compression shorts and was literally (yes I used the word right) short of breath post-test. I gained 4lbs of muscle, lost 9 lbs of straight fat from a BF% of 12. And the best part? I'm currently enjoying Cadbury Creme eggs. I gorged myself on about 12 dozen Christmas cookies over the month of December. I eat ice cream at least twice a week. I get my veggies in. I get my protein in. And I'm satisfied and satiated with what I eat. I've tried a bunch of different methods experimenting here and there and kept a multitude of ideas. My notes are below. I've organized them in succession from the very basics, to more advanced tips and tricks you can dig into as you get your shit together. + +&nbsp; + +**Starting Off** + +How do we get this gravy train rolling? Dieting isn't an exact science. There will be intelligent guessing on top of intelligent guessing. So the more sure you can be of all these variables, the better you're going to be able to figure out what you need to do to make progress. First, you need to figure out where you are and where you want to get to. That's called a goal. + +&nbsp; + +**Gamechanger: Nail down your starting point.** Figure out a way you can get your Body Fat and Resting Metabolic Rate measured accurately. I know the OYSs are filled with guys who have calipers, are using a ""mirror test"", or a Navy formula. These are basic (re: lazy) and inaccurate and inconsistent measures of testing. Even bioelectric impedance is garbage. Especially on those cheap bathroom scales. And it's highly variable based on what you've eaten for the day and current hydration levels. + +As a comparison: + +My bod pod measurement says 7%. + +My scale says 16.6% + +Calipers, 6% + +Navy, 13% + +Pictures, depending on which set you choose, anywhere from 7 to 13%. You can [tell me](https://imgur.com/a/yUuq6Xx) though. Here's a nice site to compare. https://rippedbody.com/body-fat-guide/ Considering past experience and all the above, I truly believe I'm closer to 9% than 7. Back on topic though. + +&nbsp; + +*Where/How?* + +I've heard of mobile Dexa scans stopping at gyms and offering scans for $50. I've heard of colleges/universities having Bod Pod available. If you can find a place that does hydrostatic weighing, you're set. Pick up the phone and call around. Call university health centers. Call gyms. Call hospitals. Call physical therapy centers. What's the worst they can say, no? Call the local business in your area that's trying to cash in on the next wave of fatties trying to lose weight with their ""revolutionary technique"". Yeah the technique is garbage. But if you can get a Dexa scan out of it for cheap, do it and then ghost them. + +&nbsp; + +> BF measurement is inaccurate + +I am aware that because of the inaccuracies of nearly all body fat measurements, we wont be 100% sure of where our starting point is. That doesnt mean we dont try to find one. A trend line requires 2 points at least. If you get 6 months down the road and take your ""end"" point but dont have a start, you do not have a trend. You are literally as lost as you can be. I used to work with a guy who said that because the error in the overall measurement I was trying to make was greater than the error of the tool I'm using to measure one data point, that there was no point in trying to minimize the error of that data point. That's retarded. Get your first data point. + +&nbsp; + +Once you do that you'll need one more thing. + +**Facts: You breathe out 85% of the fat you lose.** Your RMR is how many calories your body needs to simply lie down for 24 hours. Short of directly measuring it via heat production, it can be indirectly measured by fitting you with a mask, and measuring the oxygen you consume and CO2 you breathe out for a minute or two. A device that measures this will be harder to find, but in those calls youre making, ask if anyone does it. If you have these two numbers measured you'll be much better off than someone using an online formula. + +Your Total Daily Energy Expenditure is how many calories you need in a day accounting for activity. These are the formulas you'll find online telling you where you can set that calorie level to break even. Often calculators for this number ask you a very vague question concerning your activity level (desk job, light aerobic, moderate exercise, etc). None of you are athletes over 15%. Dont even try it. For anyone with an office job, put in that you're sedentary. And unless you're digging ditches all day, you're more than likely not going to get above ""light activity"". We arent counting any kind of working out in this number. You'll see why later. + +&nbsp; + +*For Comparison* + +6 years ago at 170lbs and 0 prior lifting I was 5%BF at 5'11'' and my RMR was 1900 calories. That means if I eat 1900 calories in a day...I'm guaranteed to lose weight. Because *at the very least* I will be up and moving about...and burning more than 1900 doing so. A pound of fat burns 2-3 calories a day. And a pound of muscle 6-7. So if you must use a calculator to find your RMR, do so. Then add in those fat and muscle numbers. You will refine that number over the next 6 months - year. But I would still expect it to be close to the 2000 calorie mark unless you are drastically taller, fatter, or more muscular. + +&nbsp; + +*The formula.* + +Once you find these two numbers, then we're just plugging them in and getting ourselves moving. How many % are you off your desired body fat? Multiply your current weight by 0.01. Multiply that number by that number of % you're off. That's how many pounds you need to lose. + +&nbsp; + +**Facts: A pound of fat is about 3600 calories.** Want to lose 10 lbs? That's 36,000 calories. Want to do it in 6 months? That's about 200 a day deficit from your TDEE. Be prepared for the bounce. In the first week you will lose weight. A lot of it will be water weight which fluctuates wildly for the amount of sugar, salt, and carbs you consume. It likely will happen week 2 and 3 as well. And then you will likely level off and potentially bounce. Dont even put this weight loss on your OYS. It's nothing to be proud of. It's just the bounce. The real work is coming. + +&nbsp; + +**Strategy: Subtract 2-300 more.** Your body isn't going to continue burning calories all happily as you slowly drop fat. There's a certain ""tolerance zone"" within which the body will automatically try and adjust to this by subconsciously slowing you down, making you more tired, making you do less reps and take more breaks. There's also that factor of inaccuracy. If you wanted to lose 1 pound and you ate at a deficit of 10 calories for 360 days...you'd likely stay the same weight. So that TDEE minus 200 calories? Subtract 2-300 more. + +&nbsp; + +*Summary.* + +Once you have the limit of the number of calories you need to stop at to lose weight, get a diet tracking app that can scan barcodes and easily input calories. Use it with EVERY item of food you put in your mouth. Get a food scale. Actually weigh, log, and track your weight and calories eaten and burned on that app. If you ate a pretzel stick, it goes in the app. This shit adds up really fast. It's easy during the day to set aside that tablespoon of jelly, that extra bite of cheese, and handful of peas, scoop of potatoes, but in the app at the end of the day it all adds up to hundreds of calories. Weigh yourself first thing every morning naked, after taking a piss. And log it on the app. This will be the trend from which you will see how your body responds to losing weight. + +This is the bare bones basics for achieving a starting point for dieting. If you have this locked down and mapped out, and are making it a habit to log and track your weight and food, proceed. + +&nbsp; + +**What You Eat** + +Before MRP my consistent diet was waking up and eating a bowl of ~~suger~~ cereal and milk, with ~~suger~~ orange juice. At noon I would eat 1/4 bag of doritos, a PB&J, and a can of ~~sugar~~ soda and likely ~~sugar~~ candy as a snack. I'd eat a ""normal"" dinner of protein and carbs, likely no veggies, and then have about 4-5 ~~sugar~~ cookies at night before bed. How I didn't become a diabetic I dont know. + +I had these three meals a day, and my body would **really** crave these meals as meal time got closer to the point that within an hour of the time to eat, I couldn't really focus on anything but food. + +&nbsp; + +**Facts: Ghrelin.** Ghrelin is a hunger hormone produced by the stomach. It is responsible for the short-term cycle of feeding (over 24 hours) and habitually rises right before a meal as conditioned by your normal feeding time. It operates *directly* on ""hedonic and reinforcing aspects"" of the ""Ventral Tegmental Area and mesolimbic pathway (IE, Nucleus Accumbens)"" For those who aren't neuroscientists, whenever you see VTA and NA think ""Pavlovian response."" So it's not the food that makes you hungry, it's the habitual time that you normally eat. *Expect* this. It's not your body saying ""you should eat"". It's your body saying ""we usually eat now"". + +&nbsp; + +**Gamechanger: Drop the shit YOU KNOW is bad for you.** The very first thing I did to change my diet was drop the doritos, coke, and sugar juices. And what I noticed from that is that on my drive home at 4:30 I wasn't literally falling asleep while driving because of a sugar crash. I'm not talking *yawn* ""I'm tired"". I'm talking ""were my eyes just closed for the last 10 seconds? Am I even awake now or talking to myself in my sleep?"" + +&nbsp; + +*Get it out of the house.* + +What kind of absolute garbage are you putting in your body. I know it tastes ~~addictive~~ good. That's why those foods are so prevalent. How can you cut those things out? First and foremost Stop Buying Them. If that kind of food is in my house I will eat it. If it is not, I'm too much of a lazy fuck to get up, drive to the store to get it, then sit down and eat it. If any of you tell me ""But my wife keeps buying it"", start buying your own food. If she brings it home anyway and it's not for her, as soon as she gets it out of the shopping bag, throw it out. + +Is there butter in your house? Throw it out. You literally do not need it for anything. Soda? Throw it out. Buy near-zero calorie drinks like fresca, and the fake-sugar drink mixes (caveat for their unstudied impact on gut health and dopamine training). Frozen-foods? Not only are they ridiculously overpriced, but they taste like shit and are full of salt and calories. Many frozen meals and pizzas contain 40% of the salt and I've seen up to 80% of the saturated fat you need for a day *in one serving*. It's absurd. Throw that shit out. + +&nbsp; + +> Alright blarg I've thrown everything out and have nothing in my house but cardboard. What do I eat? + +**Protein** + +You need at least 1g/lb of protein in your diet. Your meals will be centered around getting that. Put the protein powder on the shelf. You can get your daily amount from food. And that food will fill you up more than the powder will. Chicken, fish, beef, pork, turkey, crabs, shellfish, and eggs are all great choices. Eggs can be made in several ways and are a good source of cholesterol. + +> But I thought cholesterol was bad? + +You want to know what the molecular precursor to testosterone is in the body? [Cholesterol.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testosterone#/media/File:Steroidogenesis.svg) + +&nbsp; + +**Facts: Testosterone.** Testosterone is of course the major androgen in the body. ""Androgens inhibit the ability of some fat cells to store lipids."" More testosterone, less fat. ""Androgens promote the enlargement of skeletal muscle cells"". More testosterone, more muscle. ""**The majority of the daily testosterone release in men occurs during sleep.**"" Since this is a post on health as well...how's your sleep? Shitty? You've heard it before, the bedroom is for sleeping and fucking. + +&nbsp; + +**Gamechanger: Sleep.** Let's sidebar real quick into some sleep tips. Orexin is a hormone that has a lot to do with metabolism and sleep regulation and the *urge* to eat (rather than the physical sensation). Lack of sleep fucks with your hormones. You ever pull an all nighter for work or school and then find yourself helplessly binging on food the next day? There you go. If your sleep habits are poor, stop fucking yourself over. Some things to look into are: + +-Consistent bedtime + +-Consistent wake time, preferably by natural light. + +-Try to not eat or drink too close to bed + +-Alcohol will fuck with your deep sleep + +-Blackout curtains + +-White noise or fan humming (sorry Asians) + +-Tape over light sources in the room (power standby LEDs) + +-Buy quality sheets with high thread count + +-Check out weighted blankets + +-Buy more pillows + +-Buy extra king size pillows to spoon with and for back support for side sleepers. + +-Put a pillow between your knees + +-Get animals/children off your bed and out of your room. + +-Foam ear plugs to muffle sound. + +-Keep your room on the cooler side. + +-Three words: Vibrating bed frame + +End sidebar. + +&nbsp; + +*A graph for the spergs.* + +Protein is a staple in every meal. You need it. It has a controlled digestion. [It doesnt slam down the drive to eat](https://images.app.goo.gl/YiDwmA4NUM4BTm3D7), it gradually slows it and gradually raises it over hours. And it can be very low in calories for its volume. + +For me, chicken is the leanest and cheapest protein. I'm not talking about rotisserie chicken that they cook with butter all over it. I'm not talking about frozen chicken tenders. I'm talking about raw chicken breasts that you cook. It won't have the savory taste that some of the other meats have. But here, spices are your friend. + +&nbsp; + +**Gamechanger: Spices and seasonings.** You want bland food to taste good? Start buying a variety of dry spices to put on it. The staples for me are salt and garlic. I air fry my chicken and with just salt and garlic I can eat it just like that and it's delicious. Followed closely by pepper, lemon pepper, red pepper (no heat), and red pepper flakes (heat). Then you can start to introduce near-zero calorie sauces like vinegar based hot sauce, and soy sauce. Not creative? Buy the pre-mixed seasonings like japanese 7 spice or monterey chicken or brown sugar and bourbon. oOr if you're into mexican, the generic dry taco seasoning. Want a touch more? Look for the asian sauces in your grocery aisle for ones that are only 20-40 calories per 2 2tbsp. Even some cheap queso's are 20 calories per tbsp. Lots of flavor, low calories. + +&nbsp; + +**Carbs** + +Sugars get lumped in to carbs when talking about macronutrients but the distinction needs to be made: You should be trying to eliminate sugars from your diet when losing weight. They have one great utility, and we'll get to that in the more advanced section later. But most men know sugars for their ability to rapidly spike insulin levels. + +&nbsp; + +**Facts: Insulin.** Insulin is ""the main anabolic hormone of the body"". It's produced by the pancreas in response to glucose in the blood. Anabolic, the opposite of catabolic, means building up. And in short, insulin will stuff energy into your muscles for use and grow those same muscles. When they are full however (and unless you are burning that storage in the muscle + the 400 or so calories of storage in the liver...then you can assume they are always full), insulin will stuff that energy into fat cells. When you are fat, you develop insulin resistance. If you have insulin resistance, insulin does not signal well in your body. If insulin does not signal, you have trouble supplying and building muscle. Among many other problems. + +&nbsp; + +> What's a burger without a bun? + +Sugar aside, when I talk about carbs I'm talking about rice, pasta, bread. You know...the things you usually only eat because they act as a vehicle to get food into your mouth. Which is really kinda stupid when you think about it. Let's talk about carbs and volume then. It's likely that you staring down at 3 ounces of baked, shredded chicken with some spices on it isnt going to satisfy you. You'd usually fill that bowl with carbs like rice, pasta, or bread in order to make it more of a ""meal"". + +*Going green.* + +And not because we're hippies. It's practical and it works. Try putting in about the same volume of frozen peas or fresh spinach. Then see how you are. Same volume. Same purpose. Low calorie. Veggies taste like shit to you? Yeah me too. In fact I hated everything but corn as a veggie years ago. But then I asked ""What can I stand? What can the spices hide so that it tastes good, and still replaces carbs."" I found that there's actually a lot of different veggies I can put with my protein that fill me up and after a while, start to actually taste good. + +Experiment with different veggies. Shred them up into your meals so that you can't really taste them and/or find one that doesnt necessarily taste bad. Broccoli tastes like shit. But the florets at the tip, when fresh (not frozen...oh god frozen broccoli tastes terrible and smells like baby puke), can be shaved off and add no taste. That's where most of the nutrients are anyway. Other things like eggplant, spaghetti squash, celery, carrots, cauliflower...all these things can replace carbs really easily. + +Want more empty volume? How about tofu. It really has no taste and little calories but is big on volume. They even make it now in the form of pasta. Shred it up and add it to your proteins. + +&nbsp; + +**Fats** + +Short section on fats. They aren't useless. In fact they are very useful in combination with enabling uptake and use of vitamins, and the regulation and creation of neurotransmitters and hormones. + +Every gram of protein and carb contains 4 calories. Every gram of fat contains 9. Not to say fat is evil. But by the time anything you eat with it makes you feel somewhat full? You've likely eaten too much. So beware. And do not look at fats as a source of energy. But healthy ways to go about getting this are low sugar spreadable peanut butter / almond butter / etc., the nuts themselves, and fattier fish and cuts of meat. + +*Alcohol* + +You want to know what *is* evil? Well, at least in terms of diet: Alcohol. Alcohol contains about 7 calories per gram. So when you drink that beer, imagine that you're drinking slightly less caloric FAT. In addition, if you think you can simply ""fit"" alcohol into your calories for the day, understand that alcohol as a substitution for calories results in a short term (<24hours) reduction of available energy in your muscles by up to 50%. Put down the alcohol until you get your diet well under control. + +&nbsp; + +*Summary* + +It's going to require a revamping of your grocery list and reconditioning of your palette. And potentially a little tracking to make sure your grocery bill doesnt skyrocket from fresh veggies. But I guarantee if you put some effort into it, you will find meals you can make that taste good, are filling, and are low calorie. I'll give you just a few of my go-to low calorie meals: + +-Chicken and fries. Chicken breast with lemon pepper and cut baking potatoes in my airfryer (have I talked about buying an airfryer in here anywhere? Go buy one. Why are you heating up your entire stove to bake two tiny chicken breasts when you can do it in the air fryer, get that crispiness, with none of the oil needed). And even if you do want that oil taste? You can even coat the cut up potatoes in 1tbsp of peanut oil which is STILL much healthier than dunking and frying them in it. Tastes just like boardwalk fries. + +-Stir fry light. Cubed chicken breasts in a wok with celery, peas, carrots, peppers, onion, broccoli crowns, and soy sauce and red pepper flakes. No rice needed. The veggies are the vehicle. + +-Boiled Shrimp. That's it. Boiled shrimp coated in hot spices. About as low calorie as you can get. + +-Salad with vinaigrette and shredded chicken breast + +-Chicken pasta, with the pasta substituted by spaghetti squash. + +-Chicken and peas. Shredded chicken and peas with garlic, salt, pepper, lime juice, and sriracha sauce. + +&nbsp; + +**Eating Less Versus Burning More** + +So we've tackled different kinds of foods to eat. Now let's talk about the difference between simply eating less calories than we need, or burning more calories than we ate. Every single one of you is going to have a problem with eating less. When going on a diet, hunger teams up with hormone cycles and habit to knock your ass back into fat-ville within the first few weeks after the dopamine high and rush of doing something different wears off. Just in time for your weight bounce on the scale. What's worse, as you do lose weight, things get harder. + +&nbsp; + +**Facts: Leptin.** Leptin is a satiety hormone released by fat cells to cause you to feel full. It acts more as a long term regulator with a more stable 24-hour cycle not necessarily centered on meal time. As you diet and lose fat, leptin decreases, and you feel less full. *Expect this.* + +&nbsp; + +*Well duh.* + +In addition, eating less is eventually going to deplete you of energy you need to function. We had an OYS by a flared member a few years ago that was wondering why on his 1400 calorie a day plan he had to drop his squat by 60lbs because he couldn't lift it and was almost blacking out. If you do not fuel, your body is going to start shutting down. Plain and simple. + +&nbsp; + +In my personal opinion, if you are so god damn fat that working out in itself is dangerous to your joints or heart, then eating less calories than you need to lose weight is the way to go. At least to get down to a point where you can start to add some cardio into the plan. + +Otherwise it's going to be much easier to eat enough to satiate you throughout the day, while also exercising enough to burn more than that excess. In this way, your body is technically full while dieting. And all we're tackling is the natural feelings we get from losing weight rather than the 1-2 combo of those PLUS all the feelings of being hungry. An easy way to do this is to set the number of calories you want in a day equal to your RMR (say 2000) and eating above your RMR (2400), but burning the difference between the two (400-600). + +&nbsp; + +**Strategy: Be real about how much you burn through exercise.** Online estimations are pretty good about giving a value for the number of calories burned for an hour of a workout. But you need to be honest about how much you're exerting yourself as well. I'm going to give some examples I've used for the last 6 years: + +-One hour of lifting at high intensity (I will start to fail on set 3 or 4): 210 calories an hour (1 minute break between sets). + +-Running: 125 calories a mile. + +-Swimming: 125 calories every 15 minutes (of constant freestyle) + +-Biking: 125 calories every 15 minutes (at a resistance at the edge of comfort) + +-Climbing: 200 calories for 2 hours + +Most other machines like stair steppers, assault bike, or rowing machine will calculate calories burned for you. + +&nbsp; + +> I dont do cardio. + +Many of you dont really subscribe to cardio and only do that hour of lifting...maybe even only 3-4 times a week. It really is worth it to put a couple miles of cardio in so you can eat and feel FULL for the day, than to not do cardio. Even Arnold was doing 3 miles of cardio before workouts in his glory days. What do you hate worse? Doing 15-30 minutes of cardio? Or feeling that empty/starving sensation and knowing you have 3 hours until your next meal? + +&nbsp; + +**Gamechanger: Browse youtube while walking.** I was sitting on my couch one day a few years ago watching a football game. I wasn't really interested in it, I was just killing time. But I thought...""why dont I just stream this on my phone while walking leisurely on the treadmill?"" What's the difference? + +And so the majority of the time if I'm not dead tired and really need to decompress, if I'm about to sit on the couch and browse youtube or check my stocks or read a book, I'll go downstairs and walk the treadmill or leisurely bike while doing it. I burn calories, i dont break a sweat, and then I get to eat those back later so I'm not starving. Win-win. + +&nbsp; + +*Summary* + +That's about all that's needed for the intermediate diet. Figuring out how to tweak the plan so you still get the volume you want, the fullness you want, while eating at a deficit, getting light cardio in when you'd usually just sit, and getting your sleep on track. Now for some more advanced tricks. + +&nbsp; + +**Advanced Tips** + +In this section in particular I'm going to talk about specific diets and ways of eating/exercising. The jury is still out on a lot of this and there's entire cults following some of them. I'm not preaching what's right. Just try what you want and take what works. + +&nbsp; + +**When you eat** + +As I said before, your body will adapt to eating cycles and start ""expecting"" food at certain times. But there are methods to control your hunger. The first being when you break-fast. My brother is on the larger side and once told me ""Dude for some reason as long as I dont eat anything after I wake up, I can go until lunch time or after without feeling hungry."" And after trying it, it seemed that the same worked for me too. The further into the day you push your first meal, the less hours in the day you have to stuff your face. The less time you give your body to go through its cycle and say ""Hey we're hungry"" again. Try it, and see how far into the day you can push your first meal. + +Also, for about 4-5 years now I've been on my own plan which consists of eating 5 times a day. Once in the morning consisting of a homemade breakfast of a sausage, egg, and cheese on an english muffin. Then at noon is a few handfuls of cashews (which...find your nut...but cashews are absolutely delicious). Both 1330 and 1530 are shredded chicken with some veggies. And that entire lunch time span is easy to get through because it's a meal every 1.5-2 hours. And then dinner is around 1800 and honestly by that point, is usually a 1200 calorie meal of whatever i want. I found eating more meals to be much easier for me. If you're having trouble getting through long durations between meals, try it. + +&nbsp; + +**Strategy: Intermittent Fasting.** This goes along with the above strategy of when you break your fast. Intermittent fasting is setting aside a window of typically 4-6 hours of the day in which you try to get the entirety of calories you need for the day in. It's especially helpful, when trying to lose weight, when you *are not able to* get those calories in because you're up against the limits of how much food you can actually put in your body in that time. And may even have you searching for more calorie dense foods to help you reach that number. + +A downside to this method is that it doesnt allow you to experiment with the strategic eating I talk about below unless your workouts are also centered around this time. + +&nbsp; + +**Strategy: Fasting.** One of the tools that I've most recently been adding to my toolkit is that of fasting. This is different from IF because I'm fasting for a time period of at least 24 hours (and looking to extend it further). + +I'm not doing it for weight loss although you easily could. I'm doing it because studies are showing that after a certain duration of fasting, the body actually increases the rate it starts to clear out old cells, plaques, and in addition I think it primes the body to be more used to accessing and releasing those fat stores. In addition, the gorging myself before and after the fast is marvelous. I've particularly found a place within my workout routine to do one day of fasting. I'll talk about this below: + +&nbsp; + +**Strategically Eating** + +In going with the above *when* you eat, with respect to the macronutrients, we can start to experiment with when to eat what to help us both make it through the day, and maximize what our food is doing for us. + +For instance, whatever you eat in the morning, after sleeping (fasting) for 10-12 hours, would likely benefit from some carbs in order to give your body energy it needs for both the day, and for any exercise you plan on doing in the future. Except for... + +&nbsp; + +**Strategy: Fasted cardio.** The idea behind fasted cardio is that in going directly into cardio before breakfast, your glucose stores are likely at a minimum and so your body will likely burn more fat than usual for that energy. In my mind, and my reply to keto diets as well is: ""Yes. But it's also likely going to burn more protein than usual as well."" + +*A computer or observer?* + +Again I'm not a biologist or neuroscientist, but I have done some extensive reading into the way the body uses hormones and neurotransmitters both inside and outside the brain and have come to the opinion that the body is more like a machine that is setup on and acts based on the ODDS of certain pathways being triggered, than it is a machine based on an intelligently observing itself. As an analogy, when playing poker, the body is more like a program which calculates the pot odds and chances of winning based on its current hand and number of players...and does not consider the fact that the chip leader has been bullying the table with high bets for the last half-hour and the other guy at the table has been on tilt for the last 15 minutes. + +*Ratios* + +So with respect to keto, if the body has energy sources that are derived from carbs, fats, and proteins...and has evolutionarily grown to use them at a ratio of 5:2:1 respectively, then if you take away carbs, instead of your protein being used as 1/8th of the calories burned...it will be used for 1/3rd. And that's why for keto in particular, I personally believe it's absolutely a great method of dieting for those that are WAY overweight...because it'll allow you to get down to a point where you can lift and do cardio safely by burning that fat faster (at the expense of also burning muscle faster). But for those that dont need to lose weight that fast, it may not be as advantageous. + +Now going along with that, and this is also my belief, what we *supply* to our bodies is also factored in with what it uses. So for instance if we take that same ratio of 5:2:1, and the body is wired to use energy currently circulating and energy stored at a ratio of 10:1 respectively...then if we were to eat protein and fat but no carbs to power our run, we might be able to reduce the amount of protein catabolized for existing muscle by supplying the body with already (and preferentially usable) protein. + +&nbsp; + +**Gamechanger: Sugar.** Regardless of if any of that is true, I said above we'd get to the one thing that sugar is good for: Supplying the body with a readily usable form of energy. And I will tell you from experience that if I eat about 20-30% of the calories I'm about to burn in a hard cardio session before I begin the cardio, I will have a ridiculously easier cardio session than if I dont. + +I lied. There's another thing sugar is good for. Strategically feeding and building those muscle cells. Because insulin is the primary anabolic hormone in the body, eating sugar directly after a workout along with protein may push the body more aggressively into building that muscle right then and there. You're bouncing from a catabolic to anabolic state quickly. If you eat protein at the same time, that's readily there to push into those muscles as well. + +&nbsp; + +*A quick overview of my experience fasting so far* + +With respect to fasting, I've plugged my fasting day into my routine in a specific way in order to maximize results I see from it. The day before the fast is my first high cardio day. Which works well because I frontload half a days worth of food (the first 12 hours of the fast), plus that days food, plus the 1000 calories I burn through cardio means I'm eating about 4000 calories that day. + +The day of the fast, I'll eat 600 for breakfast, then do another 1000 calories of cardio. This second round of cardio is literally THE easiest cardio I've ever done. And it feels that way consistently. I understand carb-loading is a thing runners do before marathons. But the extent of it within my routine really hasnt shown benefits until now. + +With the 1000 calories of cardio, I should be completely depleting my liver stores (about 400) and whatever I have stored in my muscles, plus the glucose from breakfast. Afterwards I'll eat about 650 calories, about 90% protein 10% fat with <10g carbs total. And immediately following that I'll begin my 24 hour fast. + +Then the following day, the 24 hours usually ends around lunch, and I'll have that day's calories, plus half a day's worth or calories (the latter 12 hours of the fast), and the 1000 calories I burned the day before all crammed into about 10 hours before bed. So it's a fast which kind of rolls into an IF day. If I wanted to lose weight, it would be easy to do within those two windows of 3000-4000 calories. + +&nbsp; + +**Strategy: For fasting, Stay busy.** During your fast stay busy. Line up a shit load of chores to do. Just keep your mind occupied with something other than what time it is and the fact that you aren't eating. I find it's MUCH easier to get through a period of not eating if I'm not even in the house around food to do it. I can use that time to go ahead and look into other ""forms of dread"" like picking out new clothes, getting my hair cut, visiting friends, being social, or even working out. The few articles I've read said that fasting doesnt seem to impact anaerobic workouts. I haven't tested this. But maybe you should? + +&nbsp; + +*A few extras* + +A few things additional things i'll say (checks watch...God how long have you been reading this?) + +-You should never place yourself in exercise debt. It will be very tempting to go ""Well I plan on running 6 miles later, so I'm going to eat 750 calories of junk food now."" No. Do the exercise first, then reward yourself for it. If you know you're going to be partying, drinking, or treating yourself later, you pay for it now. + +-A lot of guys will look at the amount of cardio I do (talking about 10 miles of running or an hour of swimming) and completely reject that for themselves. That's fine. First I'd say try a variety of cardio and see if you can stand one form more than another. I LOVE running. I HATE swimming. You might be different. Also, see if you can kill time or entertain yourself while doing that cardio. I will put on podcasts or audiobooks when going for a run. So I'm listening to rational male while out running. Which is great because running also usually allows my brain to think deeply about topics. So I'll often go into lengthy debates with myself about topics on runs. I'll also run with my dogs to get their exercise. So I'm doing three positive tasks at once. In addition, if you cant do 6 miles all at once, break it up. I will absolutely go downstairs 8 times in one day and bike 15 minutes on the bike for a combined 1000 calories of cardio for what's only 15 minutes at a time. + +-Cheat meals arent bad. Snacks and cookies aren't bad. They're just like alcohol. Just like porn. Just like any kind of vice that can interfere with your gains...IF YOU LET IT. If you do not have control of yourself and cannot stop eating cookies when you're trying to diet, then get rid of cookies. Just like if you aren't able to get it up or last long with your wife if you watch porn, then stop watching it. + +-Ask yourself: ""Am I really hungry right now?"" Because in the very same way you've been asking yourself ""Do I really want to fuck right now?"" (You are doing that right?) and figuring out that sometimes sex is tied to a myriad of validation or mental states that have nothing to do with sex...hunger is sometimes tied to a myriad of validation or mental states that have nothing to do with food. + +-Drink water. Your body is already pre-programmed to crave food when it starts to get dehydrated...because there is usually water in food. This is an easy trap to avoid. Drink water throughout the day. + +&nbsp; + +**Closing: Put down the damn fork.** + +I told you above that I still eat ice cream, candy, and cakes. Though the ramifications of such a throughput on my body remain to be seen, the fact of the matter is in the same way the point has been argued that ""With enough alpha, you can sprinkle beta on and still come out ahead"", ""with enough diligence and discipline in your diet, you can go ahead and sprinkle on various amounts of donuts and pie and still come out ahead."" The results you see are not because I have a ""high metabolism"" or because ""I'm lucky."" It's because when I need to, I put the damn fork down and do what needs to be done. Every year for the past 6 I've been absolutely ripped for my beach vacation in Summer. And this year doesnt look like it's going to be any different. + +It's not too late to get started either. Summer is 3 months away. Anyone over 20% can absolutely get down to 20% before summer and not look disgusting in a bathing suit. Anyone 15-20% can absolutely get to a point where abs are starting to peek through. And anyone 10-15% can absolutely be shredded by that time. The decision is simply if you are going to OYS or not. One thing's for sure, if you do choose to make it a goal, and for the next year you continuously are trying to ""get to 15%"" and continuously failing, you wont be the first guy I ban from this place for value leeching. Do the work. + +&nbsp; + +*Sound off.* + +What are you doing for this week's DoD to carry into your life?",,67,[deleted],1649333372.0 +marriedredpill,ty6649,Sex and the obsession thereof,"**Where I was** + +I initially came to MRP because I googled ‘why doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me’. + +I started reading the sidebar and lurked for a few months before I mustered the courage to post in OYS. I had the same covert contract as most people who started. I was doing this so my wife would have more sex with me. + +I went through the stage where sex was my priority. It was all I thought about. I would go to sleep grumpy because my wife didn’t have sex with me that night. I would be pissed at her in the morning before I left for work. I’d get to work in a bad mood. I’d eventually get over it, and then start thinking ‘I wonder, maybe tonight?’. I would spend part of my day thinking about how good sex would be tonight. What new things I’d try out. I’d get home, do the right things, help out. Sometimes, we’d have sex. Other times we wouldn’t. + +If I had sex, I wouldn’t be happy because the next day I would be keen for even more. It was so good, I want it again. And then it wouldn’t happen. + +If I didn’t have sex, I would be even more pissed off. Rinse and repeat. + +This was my anger phase. Funny how the anger phase seems to be directly linked to an unfilled covert contract. + +Even after I got passed the anger, I still wasn’t getting the sex I wanted. My wife felt pressured to have sex. I had countless conversations about it. I tried changing all sorts of things to make this problem go away. But it remained. + +&nbsp; + +**Why I was there** + +Why did I obsess about sex? Because sex was the only thing I cared about. I didn’t have anything else worth doing. Sex was the only thing I had to look forward to every day. Everything I did was aimed at that target. + +&nbsp; + +**How I fixed it** + +How did I get past this? I found things I cared about more than sex. I took up a bunch of new hobbies. I started doing BJJ, which I became obsessive about. I joined and rose up the ranks of my professional association. I spent more time at the gym. I started thinking more about weak points in my career and how to improve. I travelled around more and did shit that I enjoy. I even took up fishing. + +As a result, when I finished work I had shit I wanted to do. Either I was doing the things I enjoyed, or I was researching how to be better at those things. + +Big surprise, I no longer cared if I had sex that night. I had shit to do. Shit that I actually wanted to do. Shit that mattered to me. And what do you know, my sex life drastically improved. All those ‘pressure’ issues went away. + +&nbsp; + +**Why I think this worked** + +I spent a long time trying not to care about sex. But the problem wouldn't go away. An easier solution, and a very valid one could have been me finding other women and having sex with them. It wasn't hard. I am attractive. I've had opportunities. The validation I would get from other women wanting to have sex with me would sustain me for a while, but it wasn't enough long term. + +It was a conversation with a friend that helped me down this path. I was speaking to him about the issues I was having, and that I had made a list of things I would do if I got divorced. He told me 'well, why aren't you doing those things now?'. Smart guy. First thing on my list was BJJ, so I signed up a week later and started. Fortunately for me, I absolutely loved it. I spent hours watching videos every week. I'd attend almost every class I could. I was tired after class that sleep was preferable to sex. + +I went with the momentum and ticked off other items from my list. Some I enjoyed, some I didn't, but in the end I had a bunch of things I was doing that made me happy. I did these things because I wanted to. Not as a covert contract. Not because I thought doing different things would make my wife think that I didn't care about sex. It was real. + +That authentic change for me is why it worked. I wasn't pretending to not care about sex. It simply wasn't a priority for me. I had tried to fake that mindset in the past, but it never worked. My wife would see through it. Only when it was genuine did things turn around. + +&nbsp; + +**How this relates to most of you** + +For most posters in OYS, your entire focus is on sex. You write about sex every week. You think about the number of times you had sex. You think about the quality of sex. You wonder why your wife won’t ‘do that thing I really want’. You get upset when the amount of sex goes up, and then goes down again. It’s your whole focus. Everything else in your OYS is either filler, or simply examples of additional things you are doing as covert contracts to improve your sex life. I get it. I’ve been there. + +For those guys, you obsess about sex because it’s the only thing you care about. My advice to you is to find something worth doing that you actually care about. That actually matters to you. And then do that. If it works for you, I'd be interested to hear about it. If it doesn't I'd also be interested. + +&nbsp; + +**How this relates to a few of you** + +There are others in OYS who are already getting the sex they want, including a few successfully spinning plates. And those guys are starting to ask the question ‘ok, I’m getting laid consistently. Now what’? The same advice applies. Sex is not enough to sustain a man. Find what sustains you and go do that. + +&nbsp; + + +**What kind of things should you do?** + +I have purposely not given you any other examples of ‘what to do’ other than my own. You need to figure that shit out for yourself. It’s your life. + +&nbsp; + +**Why it might not work for you** + +If you do this with the hope that it'll have the same effect on your sex life as it did mine, you're done. Covert contracts are never successful. You either decide to do things that you want to do with your time, or you don't.",,171,threekindsoflucky,1649310375.0 +marriedredpill,twwgfw,HOA's MRP Cheat Codes to blow up your sex life - Part 2,"Retards! Gather 'round! **Here comes dynamite, part 2.** [Part 1 is here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/) + +I have an incredible sexual imagination that I give to my woman as a gift. From the years I've been here I am convinced that most retards here have dull and boring sexual imaginations. So I'm here to share my notes with you dudes. + +All of the following Cheat Codes^(TM) (part 2) **have been personally tested by me over the last 4 years, and everyone of them has been a successful and great sexual encounter.** So line up, pick a #, and go do some shit. You'll maybe fail, maybe not, but who the fuck cares? The worst that's going to happen is your dick is dry and you fail a shit test. Just like before. Oh, and shit tests? They will happen. Deal with it however you want. + +# Horn's List of Successful Sexual Cheat Codes: + +I've chosen to model all of these under the structure of DEVI, which in the sidebar is covered by [Sex God Method.](https://archive.org/details/sex-god-method-2nd-edition.com/page/n5/mode/2up) Even better, I've put all of this into a spreadsheet for those of you with a spot of 'tism even rated by difficulty. I've made it easy for you. + +I want to be clear about one thing though - you MUST give each attempt your full undivided 100% effort. **Otherwise, it will not work.** [Go read a field report here](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/oz98dm/fr_push_yourself_into_her/) from a dude who actually *tried something* that I wrote about.... and it worked. + +I would like to finally add that you'll read below a lot of words being exchanged between you and your woman. They aren't necessary, but rather I have included them here so that you can imagine the frame of mind required to make them successful. In other words, [you can do all of this without communicating a single word at all.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hmgdcg/how_i_communicate_now_without_words/) + +&#x200B; + +# DOMINANCE + +&#x200B; + +|Devi Concept|Frame Required|\#|Item| +|:-|:-|:-|:-| +|Dominance|Beginner|28|Grab her by the hipbones facing you.  Squeeze more tightly than normal.  Look at her.  Walkaway.  Think:  I could pick you up easily and throw you anywhere I wanted.| +|Dominance|Grinding|29|During sex, stop.  Grab a vibrator.  With one hand, hold her wrists together above her head tightly.  With the other use the vibrator on her and as she gets closer just say ""No"".  Continue to say ""No"".  As she becomes more aroused, make her ask permission to cum.| +|Dominance|Grinding|30|Before penetration, ""Spread your fucking legs.""  As she spreads them, tell her it's not good enough.  ""More.""  Until she's completely spread eagle on the bed, keep commanding her ""Wider"" or ""More"".  When you're satisfied she's done all she can, praise her saying ""that's how little sluts come to bed"", then fuck her.| +|Dominance|Hard|31|Use a combinaation of 29 & 30, but implement a spreader bar.  Easy to make one with a 1 inch dowel and some eye hooks and velcro straps with a ring for $10.  Paint it black if you want it extra scary.  Use a blindfold at the beginning so you don't look like an idiot fumbling around.| +|Dominance|Hard|32|Command her to go upstairs, use a toy, and masturbate for X minutes without cumming.  Randomly throughout the day.  When it's time for bed, see if you can manage to put her to bed wet.| +|Dominance|Hard|33|You need her help washing your cock everytime you take a shower.  If she wants a man's nice cock she needs to take care of it, daily.  She's not allowed in the shower, but instead will clean your cock by opening the curtain or shower door.| +|Dominance|Hard|34|Make her ask permission to enter the your bed at night, every night.| +|Dominance|Hard|35|Teach her the [nadu position.](https://i.imgur.com/Zq1l7RY.jpg) After entering bed, she must hold his position to your liking.  Critique her posture, make her proud of this through praise by looking good for you.  You're welcome to inspect, touch, and grope your girl in this position unitl you feel she is acceptable, then invite her lay down with you.| + +# EMOTION + +&#x200B; + +|DEVI Concept|Frame Required|\#|Item| +|:-|:-|:-|:-| +|Emotion|Beginner|36|Look at your woman and only think about your favorite part of her body.  Stare at it.  Take it in.  When she notices and asks what you're doing, say nothing.  Just keep thinking about it and looking at it.  Push yourself (metaphorically) into her.  Keep concentrating on it.  Then, take her upstairs.  Think:  I want to enjoy this part of her.| +|Emotion|Grinding|37|Randomly cup your hand under her chin while she is standing.  Thumb on one side, fingers on the other.  Look at her eyes, squeezing slightly, and smile until she smiles.  Then walkaway.  Do this several times across many days, and then from across the room days later look at her in the eyes and extend your hand in the same cupped way (empty).   Keep it there until she comes running across the room and places her chin into your hand, or motion her to come with the same hand.  Think:  She is so fragile and small.  I could crush her face with a single hand.| +|Emotion|Grinding|38|""Babe, you 100% cannot wear a bra today in that shirt.""  When protest arises, just stay firm.  ""Just give me the bra"".  Praise how her tits move in her shirt throughout the day.  Point out everytime you can see her nipples and how you like it.  You can't help yourself.  Stare at them.  Touch them, bounce them, flirt with her tits only.   She is only a pair of tits, treat her accordingly. This is about generating authentic desire from YOU.| + +&#x200B; + +# VARIETY + +&#x200B; + +|DEVI Concept|Frame Required|\#|Item| +|:-|:-|:-|:-| +|Variety|Beginner|39|From across the room, get her attention.  Point at her.  Then point at your lap.  Motion her to come. Smile.  STFU.  Wait.  Don't say a fucking word.  Touch your favorite part of her body.  Then motion her off.  Works well if you've been sitting reading, watching TV or relaxing.  Think:  I want to enjoy her for just a minute and then let her go do pretty things.| +|Variety|Beginner|40|Buy lingerie.  Place it on the bed sometime during the day.  Say nothing about it.  When she inevitably asks about it, or refuses, just say ""It will make me happy"".  If this fails do NOT be butthurt the least bit.  Prepare to be rejected 100% beforehand.  It WILL make an appearance one day.| +|Variety|Beginner|41|On a day she is wearing a dress, look at her with a sexy smirk and say ""panties"".  Hold your hand out, palm up, ready to receive them.  When she asks questions, just keep saying ""Panties.""  When she argues, hold the line by saying ""Panties."" This is particularly effective if going somewhere public, or in the car while already out.  Put them in your pocket.| +|Variety|Beginner|42|In bed or on the couch, lay her head on your stomach, caress her hair and neck.  When relaxed, take your cock out and lay it across her face, caressing her face with your cock - making it harder.  Then using your palm, press the full length of your cock across her frace from chin to temple.  Press hard.  This generates the feelz that your cock is massive.| +|Variety|Beginner|43|Randomly lock her outside of the house and demand to see her tits before she can re-enter.  Praise.| +|Variety|Beginner|44|Walk up behind her, grab her tits under her clothing crossing your arms in front of her.  Pull her in close, firmly, with a big bear hug then walk away.  Max time 5 seconds.| +|Variety|Hard|45|Make her stand facing the wall, bent over at the hips with hands on the wall (or spreading her cheeks), naked, legs spread, as your cum completely drips out of her.  Praise.| + +# + +# IMMERSION + +&#x200B; + +|DEVI Concept|Frame Required|\#|Item| +|:-|:-|:-|:-| +|Immersion|Beginner|46|Blindfold her and put noise cancelling headphones on her.  Touch every part of her with various things.  Use your imagination, but only use hard/soft objects.  Neglect the pussy entirely.  Do not escalate.  End this by putting her to bed wet.| +|Immersion|Grinding|47|During missionary, command her, ""Look at me in the eyes.  Do not close them."" Fuck her hard at first, then vary what you want.  If she closes her eyes, grab her by the jaw and open her eyes with your thumb and forefinger.  Also useful for having her watch your cock go in and out of her.  Think:  You're not allowed to look away while being fucked.| +|Immersion|Grinding|48|Role-play as an older man sneaking into her virgin teenage bedroom at night where she's been furiously masturbating everynight for months without a cock to use.| +|Immersion|Grinding|49|""Come with me.  It's time.""  Everynight for a week at a consistent time, drag her ass upstairs by the hand and then undress her.  Buy a very nice plush robe, she will wear it and be naked underneath.   Make her wear this everynight.  Use your imagination for game.  You can attach certain personas to certain robes based on what YOU want.  Slut, whore, goodgirl, the possibilities are endless.| +|Immersion|Hard|50|While she is in the shower, open the curtain and hand her an anal plug.  ""I'm going to train my girl/slut/babygirl properly.  You will use this everytime you are in the shower now.""  She will inevitably test you, so spot checks are necessary.  If it's missing:  ""Your training is going to happen one way or another, up to you if it feels good.""| + +&#x200B;",,63,HornsOfApathy,1649169525.0 +marriedredpill,twq6p6,"Own Your Shit Weekly - April 05, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,14,AutoModerator,1649147409.0 +marriedredpill,ttcplj,60 DoD '22: Declaration and lifting,"Welcome to 60 DoD, 2022. All of you maggots, young or old, veteran or new, can improve your processes through this 60-day event. + +This year my challenge to you is two-fold. As usual, you need to change your *habits*. Setting an end-state goal is necessary so that you understand which *habits* are needing to be instantiated or changed in order to reach that end-state goal. Make no mistake, the purpose of 60 DoD is to *change what you do with your time*. + +The second piece this year is more on the mental end of things. I want you to clearly articulate for yourself not only *what* you want, but *why* you want it, the *method* that you think will deliver it, and *how/why* your method will deliver it. This exercise is designed to get you outside of yourself, to help you see your blind spots, and to make sure you are doing things that will actually work. It should also help you to see all roads to your goal, and the juicy “synergy” between the weeks we focus on. This should all be included in your 60 DoD declaration, below. + +For example, you may want to become more physically attractive. This broad goal could be obtained by a combination of losing body fat, gaining muscle mass, getting a better wardrobe, and improving hygiene. Now: why do you want that? Honesty is key, and guys here will see right through your bullshit if you try to delude yourself. Also, the *how/why*: this will work by (1) changing body composition to a lower percentage of fat and a higher percentage of muscle; (2) improving your presence through confidence cues and subtle factors like smell; (3) framing your physique in a flattering way by having clothes that fit, even while your body is in transition from flab to steel. You savvy? + +For this go-round, since it’s the annual, I WILL be tracking you. If you declare on this thread, you’re on the hook. If you don’t, the regular posters will probably notice and call you out. Accountability, maggots. + +* * * * * * + +This first week, starting today, is all about lifting. Perhaps you need a new program? Better commitment? Maybe you have fuckarounditis and need a [fresh perspective]( https://old.reddit.com/r/leangains/)? There are resources on the sidebar from 60 DoD in years past, and there are a ton of monkeys here that lift and can ~~ridicule your weakness~~ answer your questions, yeah. Focus on the questions I outline above when laying out the goal and the new habits. Let’s get to it.",,37,SorcererKing,1648769315.0 +marriedredpill,tqrwse,60 DoD '22: The shit hits the fan 03/31/2022,"So I ended up lying. I didn't tally anything from the booster challenge. If you did a booster and want flair, reply to this thread. I'll expect others to call you out if you're full of shit. + +Now that we're past that housekeeping, the full, normal 60 DoD is starting in 3 days. This one takes you from the first rays of spring sunshine to the kickoff weekend of summer. This is your chance to rebuild discipline, readjust your attitude, and start participating in your life again after the long, cold winter. Be thinking about your goals; we'll have a declaration thread in 3 days. + +I look forward to this session because I've been so absent. I still see some familiar faces posting, but there are probably a ton of new retards. Maybe some of you haven't participated before. If not, get on board. This is the challenge that builds new habits which, over time, builds a new you. You didn't get to be a pathetic sack of shit over night, you won't unfuck yourself over night either. Work now to build habits that make you the guy you want to be later. + +If you're burning to write a post for one of the weeks, please DM me. I'm always up for fresh content from new voices, provided those voices are not retarded. We have such high standards here, after all. + +Until Thursday...",,35,SorcererKing,1648528948.0 +marriedredpill,tqv5aj,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 29, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,9,AutoModerator,1648542609.0 +marriedredpill,tpz0dt,Field Report: Give that bitch nothing to do but fuck you,"I been going back through my notes and journals. Found this one that makes sense for you dumbfucks in the beginning anger phase. It worked with the right mental model. + +Nothing more than another **Act as if your wife were dead** post. + +'Cause if you act like she's dead every where else in your life, since she's already star-fishing you anyways like a corpse, you'll start to realize a couple of things. If you're angry, let's redirect that energy and give that bitch nothing to do. + +Not because you want to choreplay and create logistics. But because if you're going to enact the 'go plan' which is the same as the 'stay plan', you're going to need to stop being a lazy cunt and do shit for yourself. Just go apeshit with this dynamite and blow her whole fucking world up with doing all the shit that you'd need to do anyways if she didn't exist. + +Kids? Be engaged I guess. But you're mostly in the mode of doing shit that you need to do to set your life up for the 'go plan'. Engrain this shit in your mind: You're going to work on yourself, which means you'll need to do shit by yourself. Just do it. + +Dirty dishes and you want to live your life as a bachelor in a clean downtown condo in DFW (looking at you /u/red-sfpplus) where you can learn to manage *all* your bitches? Well dude, learn how to keep that loft clean for the next 6 weeks. Grind it. Then when you enact the plan you can hire a maid to do it to your specifications. + +Yard getting long this spring and summer? You're about to create the perfect lawn. Research what seed grows properly in your area, make room in your life to buy that new John Deere mower and go do it. Worst case your learn what can't grow, best case you've got a good lawn, and you figure out if that matters. Or something. + +Just do everything. Divert your anger into discipline. Everything YOU want to do. + +And a bit of [fake it 'til you make it](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/tksehe/fake_it_till_you_make_it_an_example/), maybe you'll have enough results to justify naturally doing the shit that matters when you stop being angry. Or you'll go back to sucking. + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +Field Report: Did this, like an autist. For at least 3 months. There were a few outcomes now that I look back that I did not intend with a covert contract. + +I did not allow my wife to add value to my life in any way necessary for the 'go plan'. This led to her basic instincts being wakened as a woman to a moderately (at the time) attractive man fueled by anger with action - I witnessed this through action of better sex. My girl could sense that I was angry, and most of the time didn't know why. I did play Mr. Mysterioso like a retard with here often in this anger stage with shit better to do than make time for a sex denying wife.... because I didn't care. Sometimes bordering on overt retard dread, this formed the bedrock of my DNGAF attitude by keeping in my mind that it was necessary to get this shit done to escape this harpy, cunt wife. + +Passing shit tests are required. + +Turns out if you're not a complete fucking retard.... when she has nothing better to do, she starts to find ways to add value you might like. Like, fucking. + +You'll grow out of it. + +For the masculine handicapped - great time to caveman. You need more bedrock material. [Learn how to fuck your woman](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gq2d5d/when_was_the_last_time_you_fucked_your_woman/). + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +For you dudes spinning plates successfully, you guys get it.",,81,HornsOfApathy,1648433993.0 +marriedredpill,tn7r5y,Practical guide for getting back to your frame,"My last post was not useful. So I want to take this chance to share some notes related to something that worked **for me**. + +While I was developing my sense of self and running my MAP I realized (just like all the others, around the 2 year mark) that all of my “self-improvement” was a covert-contract with the girl and people in general. The rational was something of the “If I get better, than she will love me more and everyone will treat me like a king”. + +Once I realized that, slowly but surely I started becoming more and more independent of the responses of others i.e. truly living in my frame. However, there were moments when I felt myself going back to her frame instead of mine. + +One thing that commonly happened was me caring about where she was and what she was doing or me worrying that I had been “too much of a jerk” after a nag or after saying a hard “no” to one of her requests. Basically walking on eggshells and worrying about her feelings and perception of me (validation-seeking). + +So, I tried a 6 step process that showed to be useful in pulling myself out of her frame. Use what you want and throw out the rest. + +## 1 – Become conscious of your value + +The first thing I did was realize my value as a man who constantly pushes himself in the direction of self-realization (you also do, right?). Coming to terms with the fact that no one grows up and that by not being a complete retard you outweight most of the other guys helped me sense all the options (not only with women) that I had, which immediately made me more tranquil. This step is important because a lot of times the options are not the problem, [but us not realizing the variety of options we have is.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gr0j9s/mrp_year_3_lets_take_the_boat_out_on_the_bay/) + +## 2 – “Despedestalization” + +The next step was to “depedestalize” the girl by remembering that she is just a chick who does little to improve herself. And while I know girls don’t have the same drive as us guys to do so, since this thriving is an attribute I highly value, this immediately lowed her value in my eyes and put everything in perspective. + +## 3 – There is no “relationship” + +Realizing that my relationship was no more than me and the girl together to serve each other’s needs protected me from the ego-trap that mentioning “relationships” usually entails. It inputs a bunch of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” which are all forms of manipulating us into acting in a certain way (often against our best interests). [u/Red-Curious](https://www.reddit.com/user/Red-Curious/) said it best in [“I’m still single … just married”](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/9as8jb/im_still_single_just_married/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf). + +## 4 – Be a man “who gets” + +Just like [u/HornsOfApathy](https://www.reddit.com/user/HornsOfApathy/) talks about [being a man “who fucks”](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/), thinking of myself as a man “who gets” helped me a lot. So, in this step I just thought to myself that, independently of the who and the how, I would get (in this case) a girl who treated me the way I wanted, either that be the girl I was with or somebody else. This, like step 1, helped with the abundance mentality. Therefore, whatever happens, it’s okay, ’cause I’ll get whatever I want some way, somehow, i’ll figure it out (this goes hand in hand with the oak mental model). + +## 5 – Memento mori + +This is one of the stoic tools that I most treasure in my toolbox. Remembering my death and the irreversibility of life immediately makes me more selective when it comes to the people I spend time with and allow into my life and with the things I spend my time with. It automatticaly made me act with a [healthy sense of egoism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_egoism), putting myself and my needs before everything else. When you truly realize that you are just a bag of meat in the middle of the universe and come to peace with that, [you’ll not only be much more effective in getting better](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/s1dli8/put_your_ego_in_the_box/) but also DNGAF will come easier, at least it did for me. So, the girl, the job, the “relationship”, all that faded to the background when, paraphrasing David Deida, you “stop what you’re doing, look up and contemplate the infinite”. + +## 6 – The Scorched Earth Mental Model + +Whenever the steps above were not sufficient to get me back on track or if I just wanted to overkill, I made use of [The Scorched Earth Operation.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqxxefMUwv0) And while this is not the situation it was designed to be employed, I found that convincing myself I was single and acting accordingly removed the emotional cloudiness that surrounded me, allowing me to truly focus on what matters: my actions. It put me in the state of total focus in my MAP and everything that was beyond it was either interesting, amusing or funny.",,31,thekingwithin2001,1648162164.0 +marriedredpill,tksehe,Fake it till you make it - an example,"I was asked in an OYS a while back, “Do you think the change with your wife came naturally from a change of mindset mainly as a result of all the reading, or it came mainly from some specific ways you started to act differently or deal with things?” + +This question is like asking ""what came first: the chicken or the egg?"" + +I feel confident that every change my wife exhibited came about due to ""specific ways I started to act differently or deal with things"". + +I also am confident that the ""specific ways I started to act differently or deal with things"" came about due to a ""change in mindset"". + +But I can also say that prior to the ""change in mindset"", I spent quite a while faking the change in mindset that I learned from this place and the sidebar until the faking became a part of my actual mental models. + +I'll give you an example using my approach to shit tests these past 15 months: + +Prior to MRP, when I got a shit test, I didn't know what it was. I tried to argue my way out of it, plead my way out of it, back massage my way out of it. All to glorious and spectacular, pussy-drying effect. + +Once I discovered MRP, I threw myself into the sidebar, the posts, the YouTube videos, everything. I learned how to recognize shit tests, but I was still clueless. So I did the easiest thing in response to shit tests, which was to simply shut the fuck up. This worked wonders. Shutting the fuck up is so much better than DEERing. And that is what I did. For months. At first, the silence would create a panic. My heart would feel like it was beating out of my chest. The silence was sickening. But then, 5 minutes later, my wife forgot whatever it was she was bitching about. It's like it never happened. So then I'd continue to STFU in response to these shit tests, which, while not being some huge display of higher value (DHV), it at least was not the sickening display of lower value (DLV) that DEERing was in the past. + +Great, so I'm shutting the fuck up in response to shit tests, basically removing those DLVs I was consistently showing. I'm faking it at this point. I would literally tell myself, “That was a shit test, go ahead and STFU"" inside my head. But after you do it 10 times, 20 times, etc. you aren't faking it so much anymore, it's just what you do. And what you do is who you are. So now I'm a man that does not DEER (DLV) and instead just STFU in response to shit tests. + +Next, I ""graduated"" to faking amused mastery. It happened naturally. Once I had freed up some real estate in my head by having it just happen naturally, I was able to think of some funny responses. So in response to a shit test, I remember recognizing the shit test and consciously making fun of whatever it was. My wife stared at me for a few seconds, and then smirked, called me an asshole while grinning, and walked away. I thought, ""woah I did it! Not only did I not DEER (DLV) but I actually responded with some amused mastery, and displayed high value."" I was faking it but it worked nonetheless. + +Now you do that 10, 20, 30 times. And at some point it clicks and its just part of who you are and what you do. You respond to shit tests with some sort of amused mastery, like agreeing and amplifying, or laughing out loud, or just STFU with a bemused look on your face cause you actually don't give a shit enough to be bothered to respond. All displays of high value. + +So I went from DEERing (worst thing you can do) in response to a shit test: every. fucking. time. to a natural, congruent mix of agreeing and amplifying, STFU, looking at her like she is a 6 year old performing what she thinks is the world's most complex ballet act, etc. And it just happens now. But it didn't before. + +So the TL;DR response to the question is: yes.",,89,AlphalfaSprout,1648037076.0 +marriedredpill,tjya44,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 22, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,25,AutoModerator,1647937809.0 +marriedredpill,tje76d,The Three Stages of Dread,"Way back when I first arrived at MRP, there was a roadmap that a lot of us used contained within the deep links of the sidebar. This was the [12 levels of Dread](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/) post by BPP. It was written 7 years ago. A few years after many of us had used this leveled approach to dread within our own MAPs, we began sharing notes about this sexual strategy. It wasn't long before the results were in for the guys who did the work, and [we all pretty much realized that it was a giant covert contract](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/igf65m/the_dread_contract_and_scoreboard_how_to_frame/). Later, [I gave my unedited opinion](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/rhe74s/sabotaging_the_deal_at_the_end/hpdisz3/?context=999) on what I thought about the 12 levels of dread, yet I did not offer a concrete alternative. Now I am. + +There were still retarded dancing monkey's autist posts up until about 3-4 years ago with titles like: ""[FR: Crossed to Dread Level 9](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/38e4hw/fr_crossed_to_dread_level_9/)"", so most of us vets after making that realization stopped advocating for the covert contract model where you played your wife like leveling up a video game. This was a good example of men sharing notes, and the community here began advocating for a different approach of: You first. Until then nothing will work. + +This new approach, for the average nice guy finding this place, IMO is much *harder work.* It's trying to start with the internal first, then the external. The 12 levels of dread focused mainly on external covert contracts and left much of the internal work out of it, and the guys who seemed to ""make it"" back then were the ones that were smart enough to read the fucking sidebar and to do that internal work in tandem. So, we began advocating for that approach and over the years it's produced some really smart dudes in MRP. + +The problem with the current, new approach is that it produces too many autists who sit around and mentally masturbate to MRPisms and never actually get out there and do things, so you get vets like /u/threekindsoflucky making posts telling you [Doing things is better than not doing things](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/q298xy/doing_things_is_better_than_not_doing_things/), or you'll get /u/RStonePT saying that [field reports are important](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qq60zw/why_field_reports_are_important/) and that [if you're not fucking, STFU about leadership](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/poc8pf/if_youre_not_fucking_shut_up_about_leadership/). That's why you've seen posts from me, giving dynamite to MRPers, titled [FR: Spank your wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qx555f/fr_spank_your_wife/).... or [Cheat Codes to blow up your sexlife](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/).... This is all to get you dumbfucks out of the sidebar and go TEST those things you've mentally masturbated about, for real. + +That's what the 12 levels of Dread kind of started suggesting your do with a covert contract intact around level 7-8. At least guys were doing things. ""*You can't get to level 9 until you finish level 8 bro and are able to flirt with waitresses in front of your wife to make her jealous.*"" Or things like, ""*Dude, you can't give her the FMOFY speech yet, you're like on level 4 dread*""..... and so, it created this fucking retarded autistic view of the world for men here. + +This brings me to a very simplistic view of how these two worlds can work together. [What we talk about when we talk about dread](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/374wln/what_we_talk_about_when_we_talk_about_dread_13/) by Jack10 is another great resource. + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +If you're here reading about dread because you want it to be an effective tool in your toolbelt to elicit sexual response from your wife as your endgoal, despite the covert contract there - I'm here to tell you it will work. Will it be effective for you want? I don't know. But you'll have more sex. But for dread to be **effective**, I'll leave you with a quote by Jack10: + +>**You have to like your wife.** +> +>Not love. If I asked if you loved your wife, you'd probably reflexively say ""yes."" That's not a meaningful question. The more important question is: *""Do you like your wife?""* +> +>Dread will be effective if your answer is: ""She's a great person. She's caring and generous with me and my family. She appreciates and respects me. I just wish I knew why she never wants to fuck me anymore, or why she's so unenthusiastic when she does..."" +> +>Dread will not be effective if your answer is: ""Well, I.... yes, I think I like her. Although she's kind of a bitch. And she can act really selfish sometimes. I don't like her when she's acting that way. Which I guess is like, half the time. Fuck. She really is goddamn annoying sometimes."" +> +>Dread will not be effective in the second scenario because *you will probably like watching the hamster in the maze too much.* + +I'd encourage some of you early in your journeys not to answer that question just yet, but somewhere between the transition from Stage 1 to 2, you should evaluate it. + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +# Retard Beta Dread - Stage 0: + +If you can't meet the requirements of Stage 1, you are married to an [unhappy rape victim](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/), and this is beta dread. No desire. No passion. Starfish. Denials. You're unattractive. You wouldn't fuck you. But you get fucked by your wife because you are betabucks in some capacity for her lifestyle. + +# Bad Dread - Stage 1: + +You are not yet a man worth inspiring desire from your wife. You look in the mirror and might still have difficulty some weeks saying you'd fuck yourself. Anything you do to get sex is usually being a dancing monkey, but then you begin to improve. You are: + +* Recognizing and passing shit tests +* MAP identified +* Gym 3-4x week, lifting heavy +* Have read the first 3 books on the sidebar +* Have begun to build a life apart from your wife +* You are busy, and do not have time for a sexually disinterested wife +* Dress, groom and hygiene is good +* STFU regularly, but still fail sometimes + +This level of dread is the beginning stages of what is good dread. Most men go through this. This is the ""*If I don't fuck him I might get fucked*"" stage of dread because your woman is starting to see you barely show *real* improvement. This is the stage of dread that you often see hysterical bonding, and then quickly a withdrawal from her emotionally into a stalemate of silent anger and **you will** **have no idea why** after such enthusiastic, slutty and perhaps passionate sex that was enjoyable by both of you to a fair degree. + +The reason for this withdrawal of your woman is because she is internally having a FMOFY speech each time she fucks you. Weirdly enough, this thought process turns women ON. They start to feel like submissive women, and start to do the things that those kind of women do, because it makes her sort of wet. But not in a good way thinking about *you.* + +This kind of dread effect is only temporary because it is not authentic and genuine desire of *you.* Your wife is fucking to survive. Deep down, [she is an unhappy rape victim](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fpefe/every_unhappy_wife_is_a_rape_victim/). Guess what? She's felt like this before you found MRP, and those feelings inside of your wife return. She recognizes them. Those are bad feelz. They're bad because she realizes that the temporary desire she *felt* and was *acting* on was.... fake. It was a novelty feeling between her legs. + +You want to know the most depressing feeling a woman can experience? Getting her hopes and feelz all up for some weird reason that she can't understand, butterflies going, and then suddenly she's let down again when she looks through your bullshit to expose a frameless dancing monkey with a giant ego in front of her. + +If you want to move past this bad dread stage and into *good*, that's where the internal work begins. You must take the approach of: **You first. Until then nothing will work.** + +You'll see us say that being not-fat will solve 80% of the problems. It's true. + +It's within that place you'll build frame, which is Iron Rule #1. Frame is everything. I think The Oak frame is a good mental model if you need one. You just sit back and build your frame, and if comfort is needed - it's provided within reason. Occasionally you can invite your woman into YOUR world and frame instead of playing around on fucking retarded dread levels that are nothing more than the FMOFY speech to a wet pussy. + +Your woman knows you are still in her frame at this stage, which we already established. Men are meant to live in their own masculine frames *on their own* and to bring polarity and balance to the force of women. This is how you move into stage 2. + +# Good Dread - Stage 2: + +You cannot skip dread stage 1. It's not possible. + +Good dread is where most of you will arrive, and likely stay. Some of you will go beyond this because you make a conscious decision to play with the feminine world more often than most. + +When your woman fucks you for every reason in stage 1, plus: + +* You are capable of talking to cute, pretty and sometimes beautiful women in public +* You've studied pickup artistry enough to understand the signs of women's interest after an opener without going autistic, thus increasing your chances for a positive sexual interaction if you choose, or friendly conversation to improve your game +* You take what you've learned from PUA and applied it to your wife to be fun +* You're not boring +* You never get butthurt when sexually rejected +* You have shown through congruent behavior that you are a sexual, masculine man. + +In this stage you are *capable* of getting your sexual or other needs met. You may struggle with the question internally if you're *willing* to fuck other women outside your marriage, but since you are a man of action at this point who has learned to act on his needs, the feeling of *capable vs. willing* to your wife makes no difference. She knows you're a sexual man. + +The feelz this stage generates in women is that you've shown through congruent sustained action that you are a who *fucks -* and it's very clear that's what a woman is dealing with if she's with you. That makes you sexually masculine by default. That is attractive. It elicits within your woman the competition of hypergamy, because if she ain't doing the fucking, who is? + +# Good Dread + Passive Dread - Stage 3: + +It's not often that men here at MRP arrive at this level of dread, not because it's hard, but because it actually takes time and they're long gone. Time to mature in your own frame which takes years, and also your time to dedicate to your new hobby: enjoying all parts of the feminine. Not just the sex. But mostly sex. You want to play with and manipulate the matrix surrounding the feminine. + +This is where good dread is combined with everyday passive dread. At this stage + +* AskMRP can't help you, and you know why +* In addition to being a man who fucks, [you do not seek validation in sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/) +* You have been in the gym for at least 6-12 months, minimum, and look like you're in the best shape of your life (the ""used to be alpha"" 20yo version of yourself included) +* There is an understanding that you're capable and willing if necessary to fuck other women if your needs aren't met, because you are a man who fucks +* You are attractive. You are not being unattractive. +* You've read the entire sidebar a couple of times and have read and listened equally as many books you've discovered on your own +* You have a level of DNGAF that is palpable +* You provide comfort when necessary without judgement +* You are a leader, and have demonstrated leadership and discipline over time with your self first, and your wife/family. +* You've thrown out the scoreboard +* You are dominant over most all areas of your life + +It is in this stage that you've congruently been showing your value. Your wife is losing SMV as she ages, you are gaining. It is at this point that you likely look at your wife who is at least a full 2 points lower in SMV than you and ask + +* ""Why am I with her?"" +* ""Do I like her?"" +* ""Do I even want her?"" + +And let's say that you decide that you love her, you like her, and you do want her - a woman who you will forever outpace in the SMV scale as you lead to new things. Then you start to question: + +* ""What value does she *really* add other than sex, and is that congruent with my vision?"" +* ""How can I lead my wife to add value on my vision?"" + +There are a myriad of other legitimate and deep questions you'll ponder, and you'll understand that each day you *choose* this woman for yourself. It's within those deep recesses that your woman will feel through you - and sense this decision you make - and sense that you choose her, likely *forsaking all others....* yet knowing she is the woman that will add the most value to your life. + +In that decision you make each day and a high value man - you are validating that woman is high enough value to be with you. And you're fucking awesome, aren't you? When you choose your woman, she wins the game of hypergamy set in Stage 2. This is how you eventually, unconsciously, and passively dread so that your woman's greatest source of validation is realized: being selected by a high value man over and over. + +It's in these upper levels and stages of dread that things become quite nuanced for each man, and it's all based on what we think will add value to our vision. By this point you've selected good enough clay to work with to mold into what you want, and the endgame possibilities are endless. + +It's within this stage of dread that the best sex of my life has occurred. Not because she's an HB10 and can suck a golf ball through a garden hose, but because everyday that I authentically choose my wife - she feels that authenticity - and that makes her want to find more and more ways to add value. No woman I've ever slept with has been so in tune to my sexual needs and desire than my wife, because she *wants to.* It brings my woman *joy* to please the man that chooses her. He's fun. He's exciting. He's sexually imaginative. He's the Oak. He's masculine most everything he does. He is authentic. He chooses *her.* + +Yet, *You are the prize.* And sometimes, you just need to let her win. + +Strength, motherfuckers.",,155,HornsOfApathy,1647875973.0 +marriedredpill,tfuva3,The Benevolent Dictator," Many talk about the Captain-First Officer mental model. And, while it is definitely useful for guys who are just starting out and that need to jump into the leading position in their relationship, once that is handled, it is not sufficient. + +The main reason for this is the fact that it implies one very wrong thing: you and the girl are in the same team. + +**You are not.** + +You guys simply are aligned in some interests and are getting what you want from each other. And, while that happens, the relationship will flourish. When that stops, suddenly one or both of you will stop “feeling it”. + +**You are in your own team. And your own team is made of yourself only.** + +Yes, there are people we value. But they are guests in our autistic journey. And you want it to be autistic, otherwise you won’t care enough for it. + +So, see your life as your dictatorship: you make all the decisions of what is done and of whom stays or goes. At the same time, **you are ultimately responsible for every single aspect of your life. Every single one.** + +Never forget that you’re going to fucking die. + +Soon. + +So fucking make your life your kingdom and rule it like a motherfucker who only cares about his own opinion of himself and who will never compromise what he wants for himself because of one of his “guests”. + +But now comes the “benevolent” part; while you want to rule your life with the expectations to others no short of a dictator’s (people who don’t measure up get the boot), you also take them into consideration and give them the benefits of being part of your journey. You know of their needs and make sure to also have them in mind, of course after making sure yours are being met. + +In other words: **you reward good behavior and don’t reward bad behavior.** + +See? There are no “punishments”. There is only your attention, affection and commitment and your ability to cut them from someone who stops deserving them. + +Go out there and be the most altruist motherfucker for those who add value to your egoist life story.",,31,thekingwithin2001,1647469457.0 +marriedredpill,tek9fk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 15, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,1647333010.0 +marriedredpill,t9cb6a,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 08, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,25,AutoModerator,1646728210.0 +marriedredpill,t91d31,Social Game Tips and Tricks: Male Dominated Spaces,"Spent the last 2.5 years trying to figure out how to be more successful in male dominated spaces. I define success by how many people I can get to advocate for me. Here are my findings. + +#3 Categories + +From my observations, there are basically three categories for social success in male dominated spaces. If you do not fall into one of these three, you are likely failing socially. + +1. The Expert + +Instructors, teachers, bosses, leaders. These guys have earned their respect through competence and reaponsibility. They set the tempo. If they are talkative, be talkative. If they are silent, be silent. Etc. + +For Example: + +If you swear a lot, watch them first to find out what is acceptable. Try to stay a level or two below them. + +If they say fuck, you can say shit. + +Just because these guys make a joke at your expense doesn't mean you can make one at theirs. + +2.  The Enthusiast + +The Hard Workers and the pinch hitters. If there is a shitty job, these guys do it. Nobody complains about them *because nobody else wants to do these jobs.* + +These guys rarely complain. They volunteer to be beaten up, they are *around* a lot. They are reliable. + + +3. The Alleviator + +The clown, the gopher, the slut, the partier. If you can't work well, at least make everything better for the people around you. These guys are either funny, or they bring coffee and donuts. They'll get dogged on for being bad at work, but they are like a little brother - because they are still fun to have around and have a thick enough skin to take the abuse. He's the one who says ""stepbrother what are you doing."" Moments before he gets collar choked. + +These guys are usually salespeople, even if they don't work in sales positions. They play the ass-kissing game well and usually have the days off to prove it. + +You'll hate this guy until you have 15 dickheads working at the same company. Then you'll be happy this guy brought bagels. + +#Earning the Right to be Right + +The opinion of a new guy is wrong, not because he is wrong but because he is new. + +Three men work for a construction company. + +n.1 has been doing construction for two decades. n.2 Has been working 2 years *for n.1*. n.3 just had his first day. n.2 Tells n.3 to do something against regulation. n.3, being an idiot says something idiotic like ""Well *actually* the rules say this other thing."" And he's wrong. The rules do actually say whatever n.3 said, but he's still wrong. He'll probably get cement poured into his boots because he's an idiot, and n.1 will probably fire him because he's a dickhead. + +To n.3: Shut up. + +Just because you have good ideas, does not mean you have the interests of the group at heart. Novelty is dangerous. Don't fight this process, just shut up and deal with it. + +#Dick Measuring vs Wing Manning + +Stop Dick Measuring your peers. Compliment the other guys dick. Tell his wife she's a lucky woman, that if she's not lucky you're gonna steal him and his big beautiful dick. + +Everyone loves to see the Dick Measurer fall and most people are happy to crouch down behind them to help them someone else push. + +If your dick really is that big, then your friends will know because rather than making them feel bad, you'll do something fun with it, like maybe tie your dick in a bow or something. Maybe you'll take them out on the water with it and show them how much horsepower your dicks motor has  or use it to help get your friend that new job, or help get him laid.",,4,Praexology,1646692065.0 +marriedredpill,t8d3bj,"'Should,' 'Shouldn't' and What do you Want","This is such basic stuff, even for newbies, but when I wrote this I started counting ‘should’ in one week of recent OYS’s and stopped counting at 11. So regardless of how well many of you know this, it still shows up in journaling here. (I would argue that ‘need to’ toes the line on ‘should’. If I counted that, the amount would be ridiculous.) + +I was looking through a book a couple of months ago that has been in my house forever, a book on raising boys. I had never read it. Every so often I look through books around my house that I had read in my pre RP life just to see what may be in there counter to the way I operate now – just another way to keep me sharp. I picked it up for this reason and I came across a line deep in the book, *“You can’t tell your son what he should become (occupation), but you can tell him who he should become.”* There you go, knock a boy off his center, teach him to live life in others frame from the start. + +Life is filled with ‘you should’s’ and ‘you shouldn’ts.' School, sports, clubs, church and society are constantly telling you what you *should* think and do, who you *should* be and how you *should* act. Noticing when others say it to you can be a cue for you to take stock of yourself, focus on you, your thoughts and what you want to say or do. Seriously, how many times do you get advice or counsel from your peers, even people you respect, that tell you what you ‘*should*’ do, think or even feel? It’s even common to find yourself thinking about what you *‘should’* do in various situations based on what *internet retards* at MRP might think. It’s ok – noticing it is something many men never get to. Try to pay attention to every time it comes out of your own mouth. Pay attention to why you are saying it. Just this alone can bring you a step closer to becoming your own judge of your actions and decisions. + +One of the most difficult tasks as you begin/began your journey is trying to answer the question, “What do you want?” No one had ever really asked me that so pointedly and repeatedly as here. My immediate thoughts when asked that were often, “What am I supposed to want – what *SHOULD* I want?” It was a long process of continual work to get that *’should’* out of my system. I outlined in my most recent OYS that I am meeting with a friend once a week talking out many things that are not working in his life and each week I have been asking him the same thing in several of his challenges – What do you want? At first, it was deer in the headlights and of course, “I don’t know.” **This response is a result of nice guy tendencies and a life of living ingrained ‘should’s,’ then hiding or suppressing things about yourself that for one reason or another, you have deemed unacceptable.** This, in turn, leads to several facets of personal prison. + +A recent OYS by u/theCrimsonLine” had a long list of ‘shoulds’ he came up against and did a great job of noticing the futility of them. Go look it up. I commented that I have nearly eliminated ‘should’ from my vocabulary. Cause and effect are about the only way I use it any more: + +*If I keep practicing shooting my pistol, I should become a better shot. If I keep up on squats, my back should stay strong for surfing. If I keep up the same habits at work, solid production should follow.* + +These statements are fine with me because I am taking ownership of the things I can control and gives leeway for outcomes that I can’t control. I still don’t like to hear it from myself though – but, whatever. + +u/Tyred_Biggums commented the following on Crimson's OYS… + +*“Should” is a judgement based on shame.* *Do or don’t.* *Almost every time you say “I should have”…a “but I \[excuse\].” Don’t DEER to yourself. “I should have lifted but I was tired…”* *“I should have talked to that hot girl but I got scared...”* *“I should have asked for a raise but they will probably say no...”* + +Judgements based on shame are weak and it’s an ineffective way to go about taking action. Take the time to make a decision on what you want, either do it or don’t and accept the consequences either way. ‘Should’s’ be damned. If you decide you don’t want to lift and take care of yourself physically – don’t, but you do not get the pass to complain about the results. If you want the raise, ask for it. If you don’t get it, fine. At least you took action on what you wanted to do. Learn from the experience, create options and grow from it. Do or don’t. + +Another reason it comes out of your mouth is because you are living in others heads, or their possible perception of you instead of you being your own judge. This can be hard to break because they sound so *right…* + +*“I should (or need to) be a good example, a better father, husband, friend, empathizer, employee…”* – you name it. + +*“I should (or need to) work harder, sacrifice more, put others first more, be funnier, be more engaged, drink less…”* + +*“I shouldn’t want to go somewhere by myself or out with my friends, spend time on my interests, want that sexual activity…* + +Statements like this are frameless, potentially incongruent and invariably have a nice little covert contract attached to it. For a nice guy, recovering nice guy or recovering career beta it looks like: “I should or shouldn’t a.b.c… \[covert - so that x.y.z...\]” This is why the question “What do you want?” is so important in your own journey because for nice guys the answer to that question so many times is a variation of the same answer, “I don’t know. I should do what makes others around me happy” or “I shouldn’t do what makes others around me unhappy.” (…*so I can have a smooth, problem free, happy life*...) + +Recognize the *shoulds, shouldn’ts* and *need to’s*, then work on building YOUR OWN frame based on what you want, rather than what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ want or what others say you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do. For the really early birds – don’t go Rambo on this. Take the [silent space](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7lolrm/thoughts_on_frame/) to figure it out. It will probably take some time to know what you want, rather than what you think you want. + +Forget the Should's, Shouldn'ts, and need to's. Either do or Don't.",,65,[deleted],1646614385.0 +marriedredpill,t69bhg,Fake It Till You Make It,"FITYMI + +Revisiting this concept because I see so many people totally fail to understand what the purpose of FITYMI is. + +MRP is composed of basically two parts: + +Red Pill Truth and Red Pill Strategy + +The whole point of obligatory FITYMI is to *experiment with these community agreed upon truths and strategies, then see what conclusions you personally come to*. In the end you aren't suppose to just to believe everything here because some guy said so - Red Pill isn't a religion despite how so many guys act. This is your first step into developing FRAME. + +And I know most of you aren't doing this because of the gem colored turds in askMRP. The same happens whenever you see some dunce in OYS arguing about ""Well that wouldn't work for me"" - these guys either want to know what strategies to use but have never done the work, or jerk off into their own mouths enough to think they don't need to try a strategy like ""lift and bjj"" because they think they're smart enough to see how dumb it is without doing it. + +**Here's an example:** + +Red Pill Truth: Texting is for Logistics Only + +Turns out it's horse crap! Well, for me it is anyway. Most of you can't help but triple text your hopeful side piece then block her like that indian guy that keeps sliding in my DMs. (and that's why even though I don't agree with it for me, I still agree with it for the masses.) + +Alternatively, over the last 3.5 years I've had a real come to Jesus moment regarding the value of Mayor Game, STFU and likeability. I watched my life significantly improve when I stopped being a sperg just because I wanted to be ""authentic"" to whatever unconscious cupcake hide deep inside. + +I did this by experimenting with my own life and watching as my peers experimented with the same ideas. But like you will, I had hang ups. Little niggling feelings of insecurity that try to stop me from behaving in the new way - this is why you have to fake it. You are defying your sensibilities. *The very same sensibilities that turned you into the you that you are now.* + +You are questioning the very core identity blocks that created the horrible statue of YOU. The whole point is to replace these block one at a time. You can't put too much pressure on your identity, or try to change everything all at once, otherwise it will cause you to break frame. (This is what is called going Rambo.) Your identity cannot handle the weight stress an instantaneous total transformation would cause. + +We all understand the [Thousand Foot Rope](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6i4vvn/captain_rambo/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) this also applies to you and yourself. You are both the first mate, and the captain. You don't trust yourself to lead (and you shouldn't honestly) but the map you now have is different, and it won't start feeling like you're actually being your own captain until you've done it for a while.",,52,Praexology,1646364099.0 +marriedredpill,t43974,"Own Your Shit Weekly - March 01, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1646123415.0 +marriedredpill,t1ys33,OYS and DTS....Near 46 years married and resurrecting the DB.,"In the last 8 years of my marriage my wife has stated that I'm a wimp, nice guys finish last, you wasted your career, and implied I was a failure. My wife is not a feminist but a very strong willed women from a very large family of mostly male siblings. Her hypergamy has been overt as our daughters found husbands. In today's world of 6 feet and over I'm 5 feet eight to her 5 feet seven. Ironic. + +We're about an equal match per a 1 to 10 rating in our day. We're late 60s. + +I can be too nice if you call my penchant for not screwing over people in business. I was taught your handshake and word is number one. Risk is not something I fear and was always punching above my weight. Win or lose I grew up saying only people who do nothing don't make mistakes. + +I'd started a company, built it up, seen it prosper and seen it crash and rebuild. The DB developed after our mid fifties as my wife's anxiety over security of the future grew. The combination of no sex and not owning my errors and problems wore me down and exacerbated her anxiety. I'd shrunk into the classic CEO at work and wimp at home. Only the wimp was starting to dominate from about 10 years ago. + +About 6 years ago in the depths of near bankruptcy of my business I realized the only path was being fearless. I stopped hiding failure from my wife. I stopped making excuses. I stated my plans to return to profits and refused to seek my wife's sympathy or respond to insults. And, told her that no sex equals no marriage. I set a new direction in the company and I'm near selling it which is the complete opposite of six years ago. Nothing big, but makes the future secure. + +Sex has returned as I've applied OYS and DTS (don't take shit). Dropped all the passive aggressive behavior, became what I was and treat my wife with respect but stopped walking on eggshells in the fear of her formerly effective verbal assaults. There remains territory to regain. + +Lessons.... +Results count although they don't come without risk of failure. Own both. + +Walking on eggshells is a cancer. In any relationship of any type you must be aware and stop. Sure the blow back can be severe but usually you look stronger. If you wimp out at home you will start to wimp at work. + +Your wife had options. She's always going to wonder. Accept that but also refuse to reinforce her doubts when you experience failure. Never assume externalities are an excuse. + +In sickness where sex is impossible be the stand up guy. But, in health overtly state the have and to hold is fullfilled or the contract expires. Marriage is a bilateral contract. You both have obligations in which you find fulfillment. + +30 or 40 years of bad relationship behaviors will take a similar number of months to correct. + +Your grandchildren will make you part of family legend. Your kids want to tell their kids how you succeed despite failure. Later you kids realize you were human with defects, but that dies and success lives. + +Lol...this week...cause was not significant. + +Paraphrasing....my wife + +Your nothing, your opinions are worthless as you haven't achieved anything. Only performance counts and you don't measure up. You sound so authoritative and act like you are right. (I use facts to back my statements). ... + +Next night I don't acknowledge the outbursts. She apologized. Sex tonight.",,17,henrycatalina,1645887043.0 +marriedredpill,t1ebsn,"Very Basic ""2-2 Dinner Party"" Social Skills","This one's for all you social auti--s out there. Some of this may seem overly basic, but I can think of at least 7 people off the top of my head who would benefit from at least a few of these - and every one of them is relevant for at least one of those people. I'm sure others are in that same boat, even beyond my 7, so here goes. + +Social influence is one of the most valuable domains to keep a mastery on. Over the years I've gotten a number of questions about conversational strategy and social skills, as it's one of my strengths. There's a lot of different sub-groups within the broader category of ""social influence,"" though. + +Take cold approaches, for example. /u/TheChristianAlpha is probably the best I've ever seen at this, in-person. I randomly took him to dinner and half way through he had our waitress sitting at our table in tears as he's telling her how Jesus is the best solution to her life troubles. I thought I was great at cold approaches. He put me to shame. + +Then there are group gatherings, professional functions, public events, and the like - all which require unique (though often overlapping) sets of skills, depending on your goals for the situation. Do you just want to have fun? Are you trying to build a relationship with someone in particular? Are you just trying to meet new people, generally? Are you trying to teach someone in your group a personal lesson or model a skill or trait for them? There are all kinds of goals you can have, and those should and will affect how you approach your time. + +I have a dinner party with a new couple this weekend, and someone else asked about a similar situation (having another couple over for dinner) recently as well, so I'm going to stick with the dinner party context and assume the goal is simple: make new friends. What I do with that friendship later is a separate goal. For right now let's just make sure things go off without a hitch. + +_____ + +**10 Dinner Party Tips** + +**1 - Practice ""Mayor Game""** + +Rather than going in crazy depth here, I'll defer a lot to [Jacktenofhearts' comment here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4fv3rb/be_married_like_its_your_job_career_betabux_get/d2cmgls/). Obviously it's a bit different because a two-couple dinner party is not a mass social outing. But in our context it will mean engaging in small talk, even if you don't care what it is. This small talk will be filtered throughout the evening between larger topics, which we'll get to later. **The utility of your mayor game here is to make people *feel* like they're having a good time** through subtle (or, on lesser occasion, overt) supportive gestures rather than trying to push an agenda for yourself. You are pushing your own agenda: ""make new friends"" and ""advance my social network."" The mayor benefits from mayor game. But he does it in a way that looks like you're the one benefiting from him. That's why he's so doggone popular. + +**2 - Don't Dominate** + +Yeah, I know all you alpha-wannabes think dominating is everything. Domination is a tool. 2-2 dinner dates where you're just trying to build rapport with someone aren't necessarily the best situation for that tool. Domination is great for building sexual attraction with women or respect from men in male-only spaces, but when you put yourself in front of another married couple, the dynamic needs shift away from brute domination toward charm. Mayor game is also highly relevant here. + +The mayor isn't dominating the conversation. He's its catalyst. I like to think of my conversational style at 2-2 dinner parties as if I'm pushing one of my kids on a swing. They're the one on the swing, not me. It's not about me. At first, I may have to push several times to get her going, some hard pushes even. But once she's got momentum, it's just a few light taps here and there to keep her from slowing down. If I look away too long and she slows down too much, I push hard again, but it only takes one good push that time. In the end, my daughter had a great time and I didn't have to do much. She gets off the swing and is smitten with what a great time she had with me. + +**3 - Don't expect help** + +If I insisted that I be the one on the swing (i.e. dominated the activity) and that they should be priming the conversation for me to enjoy, I'll end up sorely disappointed. Why? Because my 4yr old isn't strong enough to push me on the swing. Even my 10yr old couldn't push me very high. I'm the strong one, not them. Your dinner guests may actually be better conversationalists than you - and if so, that's great. But don't expect it. I used to expect it and it backfired often. Go in expecting that they are conversationally weak and immature. You will be less disappointed and more on your game that way. + +**4 - Use your wife** + +She's there to help. Let her help. If she is sidelined in the conversation, (a) she's going to be upset afterward because of your crappy leadership, and why bring those tests and burdens on yourself? But more significantly: (b) your guests will notice and it will affect how they feel about YOU. They came to see both of you, not just you (in most cases). One of my common strategies is the ""Have you met Ted?"" play from How I Met Your Mother. I introduce a topic, put my wife on the spot (sometimes awkwardly, for hilarity) and say, ""You've got a good story on that, babe. Why don't you tell them?"" (if I know she actually does) or, ""Honey, what do you think of that?"" (if I'm being more general). This form of enabling someone else in the conversation is the best way to play mayor game in small settings, priming conversations without dominating them. + +**5 - Ask lots of questions** + +The goal is getting to know them and building a relationship. Excellent. Best way to do that is to speak with other people on their terms about things they enjoy. If they, on their own, raise a topic of interest to you, by all means: engage. Share your own thoughts. But always end what you say with a question. Whenever you talk, you should finish your portion of the conversation in one of two ways: + + - You slowed down your speech enough, winding down your thought, that they cut you off with their own thoughts **(ideal)** + + - They didn't cut you off, so you ask a question to pass the ball + +**6 - Avoid Awkward Silences** + +If you finish talking and one of the two above things hasn't happened, the ball is still in your hands. More accurately: the ball is rolling around on the floor without anyone picking it up, and because you're the last one who had it, it's your fumble. If it's not a natural transfer, asking a question passes it. Even if no one answers, instead of you fumbling, it's them failing to catch it. Sure, it can still be a bad pass if you asked a dumb question, but something is better than nothing. Without a question, you haven't passed the ball. It's still your ball. + +They may break the awkward silence and steal it from you, but then the impression is: ""This is boring. He's just holding the ball. I don't like boring, so I'll grab it and do something."" To be fair, I *LOVE* awkward silences. They're great learning and teaching tools. But not when my goal is to get to know someone or build a relationship. Awkward silences are better when you're leading a workshop/teaching a class/giving a lecture/etc. Use the right tool in the right context. A first dinner party is not the proper context for the awkward silence tool. + +**7 - One Big Topic, One Backup** + +Not 5. Not 0. One or two. Your guests may have big topics too, but (per no. 3) don't expect their help. Big topics are things you know *the group* can spend 30+ minutes talking about before changing subjects again. This is hardest with new people. If I were chatting with one of you all, I know I can bring up anything red pill and we can go off for a while. With someone like /u/praexology, I can mention the topic of behavioral study and we're good for 30+ minutes. With my friend Ryan, it's home repair. With John, it's church discipleship. Big topics must be something you're either fluent in, or where you can fake fluency reasonably well. Ideally, your big topic will be something personally relevant for them. For example, if the person's dad is dying of cancer, ask about that and let that spawn big-topic ideas for conversation. + +If you are really struggling for big topic ideas, just ask yourself, ""What is everyone on the internet posting about?"" If it's Ukraine/Russia, you can go with that. If it's some new BLM outrage, use that one. If it's a celebrity doing something absurd, that's another. The pop-event is not the topic. The philosophical questions and issues the event raises are your big topic. + +Example: With Ukraine/Russia, I'd be asking questions like: + + - Countries used to war all the time, but our wars lately have been against small factions, not whole nations. Have we really evolved as a people or did we just become complacent in a few decades of general world peace? + + - To what extent should we, as individual citizens third party to what's going on, actually get concerned with political issues like this? + + - Should the US intervene at all? Or is it better to let other nations figure out their own problems? + +Notice how these are all questions. You will have opportunity to share your views, but not until after you let them share theirs first. The reason is no. 8, below. + +The goal of your ""one big topic"" is to make the other people feel like you actually discussed something of substance rather than lots of small talk before going home. **You need the small-talk too.** Small-talk matters, especially when it's, ""What's been going on in your life lately?"" Showing them that you actually care about who they are and what they're experiencing matters. If you only care about their opinions on subjects, but not their own life experience, you will have an obvious gaping hole in the ""get to know you"" aspect of the relationship. But don't neglect the big-issues that will drive conversation through the evening too. + +Put another way: small-talk lets you know what's happening in their life. Big topics let you know who they are as people. How you handle the ""big topic"" and which topic you selected is vital to them feeling like a relationship is being built. That's the topic that will make them go home and think, ""We really got to know them."" Without a big topic they will think on the drive home, ""That was decent chit chat"" and they won't give you a second thought. + +**8 - Read the Room** + +The first 20 minutes your guests are over are the prime opportunity to assess who they are. You'll be able to tell if the guy is passive or dominant. You can figure out if the wife runs the show or if she's a biblical helper. You can assess whether they are neat or sloppy. You'll pick up things about their lingo and style of speech. You'll figure out if they're socially competent or inept. Most importantly, you can use all of this information to assess what's safe to discuss and not. Trying to red knight the new co-worker and his wife on the first dinner date you have with him is ... not smart. + +Remember, you have a goal: build a relationship/get to know them. Saying something that completely offends them is counter-productive to that goal, even if it happens to be true. *AFTER* the relationship is well-established, you will have room to say offensive/unsafe things and they won't care. But if they're at all like 99% of the world, you will not be given that level of respect up-front. You'll have to gauge their body language, facial expressions, times when they forcibly derail the conversation (especially if it's unnatural to the natural flow). + +Another big aspect of reading the room is gauging how well they're responding to the things you're saying and doing. The reason you often want to ask questions about their views before sharing your own is not only because it (a) creates the trust necessary to get away with sharing some of your more ""unpopular"" views and opinions, but also (b) gives you valuable information about where they're coming some so you can present your ""unpopular"" views and opinions in a more palatable way, without compromising your goals for the evening. If while you're reading the room you notice that you're cutting them off more than they're cutting you off, you're not asking enough questions and they're going to *feeeeel* disengaged with the conversation, even if they are actually engaging. From there, part of reading the room also means ... + +**9 - Avoid Taboo Topics** + +... until the relationship/respect is established well-enough that you know you can pull it off. I've already hinted at this, so I won't go too much more in-depth here. Suffice it to say: power-playing a taboo topic just to see how someone responds is fun. It's a useful skill to have. But as with awkward silences, taboo topics are the wrong tool for early-stage ""get to know you"" dinners. + +**10 - Think Beyond the Conversation** + +Are their glasses empty? Ask if they need more to drink. Did they eat everything on their plate? Maybe it wasn't enough and they want more, but are too ""courteous"" to get seconds without it being offered. Are they stretching their backs a lot? Maybe it's time to move from the table to the couch. Pay attention to the non-conversational aspects of what's going on in order to be a good host. This form of hospitality will be essential in leaving a good impression. Good first impressions earn influence later. + +Women are GREAT at this. But if your wife is the only one doing it, you'll end up in dynamics like I used to be in years ago, where people would think, ""We really like her, but R-C is weird."" They have to see the leader/helper dynamic between the two of you as a healthy interplay, not as distinct functions. Lead by example in this way. Maybe you offer to refill their cup, but your wife stands up and says, ""Oh yeah, I can get that."" You led with the insight that they may be thirsty, she helped do the actual work of getting their drinks. If your wife picks up on something like that, play the, ""Oh yeah, that reminds me"" card and pick something else to lead into, like, ""I might want to grab some seconds. Any of you want some while I'm up?"" or ""Now's probably a good time to pull out dessert anyway."" + +Activities are a great way to go beyond the conversation too - especially if the guy seems disengaged and his wife is doing all the talking. Most men prefer to **do** rather than talk. My wife and I are big on board games. We keep an assortment that are both complex and easy, so if there's ever a lull in conversation, we have an option for anyone - other board-gamers or people who just want to play a round of euchre. Lots of times the board game collection is even the context for inviting someone over, ""Oh, we should totally do a game night!"" 75% of the time when we schedule these game nights we never actually play any board games because conversation is great and it doesn't go there. But we're always ready. Other activity ideas could be + + - Going on a walk around your neighborhood + + - I know some of the guys around here like to use video games. I personally avoid this, as I'm not a huge video-gamer in the first place. But if there's something unique, like my son's VR, that can be a lot of fun. Party games on a TV/game system can also be useful. + + - Sometimes I like to have my guests, when they're over, actually help with some aspect of the cooking. This is a bit riskier, but cooking new and interesting dishes is already a hobby of mine, so it's a small way to invite someone else into a world where I am competent enough to carry the activity while still making them feel engaged without an actual burden.",,80,Red-Curious,1645822642.0 +marriedredpill,szaxiq,"Abundance Fatigue and ""The Meaning of Life""","I've observed that abundance isn't always the blessing people expect, but is perhaps sometimes the one they need. Let's be clear up-front: + + - **Abundance Mentality** is when you live your life in a way as if you have abundance, whether you do or not. + + - **Actual Abundance** is the fact behind the mentality. You either have it or you don't. + +Let's briefly look at 3 mistakes people make when improperly balancing these two in their lives. + +**Over-Confidence** + +Some people have an abundance mentality without actual abundance. This can be good and bad. On the ""good"" side, I like the ""fake it 'til you make it"" concept. This works marvelously ... as long as you *actually make it* and you're not just faking it all your life, which just cripples your frame. A guy who acts as if he already has the thing he wants will find it much easier to attain it ""again"" - especially when it comes to sexual dynamics. + +On the ""bad"" side, I'm reminded of the saying: ""Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you."" Some men play the abundance mentality or other confidence-techniques in ways they're not ready for, and when it doesn't work, they find themselves turning to the black pill, thinking the ""abundance mentality"" concept failed them in one set of circumstances, so it must be a failure in all, so they just give up and assume looks are all that matter. + +**Broken Confidence** + +The consequence of failed over-confidence reminds me of circus elephants. Did you know an elephant in the circus (before PITA put the kibosh on all that) could be tied to a 3ft stake in the ground and it will not escape? It could easily rip it out. In fact, if you take a wild elephant and tie it to that same 3ft stake, it'll rip it right out. Why doesn't the circus elephant? Because when it was a baby, it was tied to that same stake. It tugged and pulled and stretched at its rope with no luck. Eventually it just gave up. When it grew and developed the strength and ability to rip the stake out, it wouldn't - because its confidence was broken. + +That same danger exists with sexual dynamics both inside the home and out. I remember in my own past being denied sex and thinking under similar situations even years and years later, ""She said no in these circumstances last time, so she'll say no again,"" so I didn't even bother trying. This self-defeatist attitude wasn't helping me ... or her. Or anyone. It just made the world a sucky place to live in. Even shortly after I had just-cause for initiation-confidence and could have had an actual abundance of sex, I didn't believe it was real, so my lack of abundance mentality put the kibosh on my sexuality as hard as PITA did to the circus elephants. Goodbye, poor circus elephants. We miss you. + +**""Just a little bit more.""** + +All of that leads us to the very real situation of a person with actual abundance, but no abundance mentality. Shockingly, one would think the former would produce the latter, but it often doesn't. I remember reading a quote about John D. Rockefeller, who at one point had 1% of the entire US economy as his net wealth. Insane. A reporter asked him, ""How much money is enough?"" His answer: ""Just a little bit more."" + +Now, I fully expect Rockefeller had an abundance mentality to go with his unquenchable thirst. But many guys will actually let their quest for abundance control them to a point where they are never satisfied and it creates a scarcity mentality, despite being in the SMP equivalent range of a Rockefeller. I've met guys like this. Sometimes ONEitis is the culprit - because they can have any girl they want, *except that one* who he met before he became ""all that."" + +_____ + +**Abundance and Hypergamy** + +Women have actual abundance. For the most part any girl who's a 4 or higher could probably walk into a bar and announce, ""Who wants to have sex with me?"" and *someone* in the bar would be willing to take her up on that offer (barring circumstances that might get in his way). Girls on dating websites have a plethora of male attention - even the ugly ones. On social media, guys will rush to a woman's defense or disproportionately respond to women's posts over men's. I don't need to prove this point, right? We have all seen it. + +But let me tell you - 99% of those women, when they were barely pubescent, still got flutters in their stomach at the first guy or two who showed any actual interest in them. Why? Because they hadn't been emotionally inoculated yet. + +That same young girl, no doubt, maintained a steady stream of attention from men for years. It may not have always been the attention she wanted, but it was attention nonetheless. This is where hypergamy is born. The constant stream of attention makes the drug ineffective, hence inoculation. Pharmacists are noticing this with the z-pak with with bacterial infections. The z-pak has become so over-used that many strains of bacteria have become immune to it, so they have to create stronger antibiotics. When a woman has been inoculated to low-brow attention from men, she needs a stronger, more powerful hit. That means a higher value man. Instead of getting flutters when the 5 gives her attention, she then needs the 6 ... then the 7, and so on. Non-hypergamous men are willing to give them that attention because ""the chance of sex is still the chance of sex."" Does he intend to marry her? Probably not. She won't get the commitment she seeks. but the sexual attention she craves is coming - and from higher than her market value would account for. + +Even if a woman manages to get a ring from the highest-value man in her social sphere, over time she will become inoculated to even his affection and begin to look elsewhere. At this point, lateral moves are a viable option, even in the absence of upward potential ... ergo ""branch swinging."" This is why there's a V in DEVI. As I assume /u/hornsofapathy would tell you, there's often value in integrating sexual dynamics outside the bedroom just as much as in it. One of my solutions to this problem is to constantly [expand my playbook of ways to keep life/sex/""the relationship"" (whatever that means) interesting rather than stale](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/kjuyzv/merry_christmas_ive_put_together_my_tricks_of_the/). New ""tricks of the trade"" create new flutters. + +_____ + +**Abundance Fatigue** + +The way women become inoculated to male attention can happen to men with actual sexuality as well. The only difference is that women tend to look up (hypergamy) for a bigger dose, whereas most men I've met tend to look down. They get depressed and nihilistic. Most of these guys had made sex out to be their god, violating the third commandment of poon - ""You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority."" For reasons I won't go into here, I'm persuaded that at least in monogamous relationships, making sex from her your priority de facto makes her your priority, even if because of whatever ""blah blah red pill blah blah"" you don't get sex from her the way she thinks she wants it. + +But this applies to non-monogamous relationships too. I remember [a post from a TRP Endorsed Contributor](https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/8r86c2/ec_on_trp_explains_why_making_sex_your_god_fails/) who had essentially ""mastered"" sexual strategy and had such great abundance - both actual and in mentality - that he, theoretically, could have sex whenever he wanted. The story initially reads like a success story on how effective the red pill is ... until you get to the end and find out that actual abundance turned him nihilistic and horrified. + +I'll call this ""abundance fatigue."" It's when a person experiences abundance to such a degree that he no longer values the thing he now has in abundance. + +A bite of chocolate cake is delicious. I have no use for having 12 chocolate cakes in my kitchen. This is why restaurants will sell you a slice of pie for $9, or the whole pie for $15 (although there are other aspects of business psychology in there too). + +Imagine a meteor shower hit earth raining gold from the sky all over the world. What do you think that would do to the value of gold? Is it going to go up? Stay the same? Of course not. It would plummet. Because when you have more of something than you actually need or care to have, its value diminishes. + +_____ + +**Wisdom From Solomon** + +King Solomon was wise enough that even atheists will quote him. He was famous for having 700 wives and 300 concubines. Crazy. That's a new woman a day for 3-ish years (though, let's face it, it was probably multiple a day, likely even at a time). Yet he writes: + +> I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired male and female singers, **and a harem as well - the delights of a man's heart. I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me.** + +Then he says, fascinatingly: + +> In all this my wisdom stayed with me. + +What cocky arrogance. I love it. Not only did he have a harem of 1000-ish women, but he was never mentally consumed by all of it. He goes on: + +> **I denied myself nothing my eyes desired**; I refused my heart no pleasure + +> My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil. + +> Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, + +> **everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.** (from Ecclesiastes 2) + +Solomon spends quite some time after this on his diatribe toward the meaning of life, but I won't get into that here. The point is simple: even the wisest man in the world realized the nihilistic end of such pursuits. + +_____ + +**This Isn't So Bad** + +Abundance fatigue can be depressing - to realize that everything you hoped and strived for all this time isn't all it's cracked up to be when you're swimming in it. + +*But that's actually okay*. The reality is that abundance fatigue is usually associated with men who haven't actually ""killed the blue."" I remember Rollo writing in one of his posts that some men like to take blue pill notions and ""sprinkle a little red on it."" Some guys get REALLY good at sprinkling so much red that they look pretty doggone red. But when they end up nihilistic because mass-sex didn't fulfill them the way they'd hoped, it's clear that they were still living in their blue pill fantasy world and needed something more. I once wrote a post about [Killing the Blue](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/do5ltp/killing_the_blue/) - and if I were to re-write it today, I'd have a lot more to add, but one that stands out in this context is the blue pill notion that ""women can fulfill us"" - even if ""women"" is an indirect way of saying ""sex."" + +I remember in my early days of having discovered the red pill, I was sex-starved. Constant denials. Sex was once every few months, if-that. We went as long as 18 months with squat (and not the kind you do in the gym). I had in my mind, reading MMSLP for the first time, that by the time I was done, I'd be having sex multiple times a day. And yeah, we got there. Once I realized I had achieved actual abundance - that sex was available whenever I wanted ... I no longer wanted it as much as I thought. I cared more about quality than quantity. It's the same with fasting. I remember fasting for an entire week once. When it was over, I thought about all the foods I would eat. We went to a buffet. I filled my plate and sat down. A few bites in, I was done. Why? Because my actual appetite was nowhere near as big as I thought it was when I was starving. Different people will have different thresholds, but I'd wager every guy here will have a point where he realizes, ""X is enough sex."" + +Back to Poon - **""You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority.""** + +**Becoming nihilistic from life due to an over-abundance of many good things is cured simply by finding something more valuable to spend your time on than accumulating that which will ultimately disappoint.** + +If you bother to read the rest of the book of Ecclesiastes, by chapter 12 you'll find that Solomon figured out what he believed to be the meaning of life. You need to figure that out for yourself and then pursue it.",,44,Red-Curious,1645599236.0 +marriedredpill,sz6a0p,The purpose of OYS - A reminder,"This is a reminder for posters in the OYS weekly thread. + +The process of writing your OYS is the reason for writing it. + +Your OYS is by you, for you. Writing an OYS should assist you in collecting your thoughts and identifying weak points and strong points. Writing is the process, as it takes your jumbled thoughts and helps make them more concrete. Writing helps you reflect. Helps you to think things through. + + +To reiterate. + +**Writing your OYS and learning by writing is the reason you should be posting to OYS.** + +Don't write 'for MRP'. We're internet strangers, who cares what we think. Others may read what you write, and get something from it. But that is not the goal, nor the purpose. + +If you're writing the same shit every week, or putting in the same list of books you read, or the same background - remember, this is for you. Does looking at that every week help you in any way? Are you only writing it so other posters can see you've 'done the work'? + +If you find yourself holding ctrl_v and ctrl_c when you put together your OYS, then you've missed the point.",,63,threekindsoflucky,1645584854.0 +marriedredpill,syiinb,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 22, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,1645518611.0 +marriedredpill,sv1chu,No More Mr. Man-Child,"**TL;DR** + +Lifetime Drunk Captain reads Rollo and gets mad. Reads NMMNG and applies tools intended for Nice Guys, not Drunk Captains. Realizes he’s actually a Drunk Captain, gets his shit together but does it for his wife. Gets mad when she doesn’t appreciate it. Stumbles into competence, self respect, and congruence through effort, while applying assertive tools and rights in WISNIFG. Relationship with wife and life in general improves. + +**Background** + +34, Wife 33 married almost 8 years. Wife has one son and I have fathered one son. It’s the same kid. He’s 3. + +**How I ended up here** + +After the kid was born, I found myself in a mostly dead bedroom with a resentful mommy wife. + +**Drunk Captain Man Child** + +Throughout the relationship, I was your prototypical drunk captain man child. Between my easy job and my hobbies I could hardly be bothered by the status and direction of my household. I smoked weed everyday. I could barely tell you the cost of any bill. I didn’t plan the vacations or getaways. I did the bare minimum around the house and in the yard and anything I did, I would have to be prompted like a little boy and usually threw a fit because “I just wanted to relax”. I punched holes in doors and walls and broke things if I got called out. If something around the house needed to be repaired, her dad would fix it. I was essentially useless in the context of home life. + +Shortly after the kid was born, I read Rollo. Like an idiot, I started projecting all of the labels and archetypes on myself and my wife and our situation in general. And, I got mad. I got mad that I already broke 6 of the 9 “rules” before I even knew they existed. I assumed that simply by marring me, my wife must think I was the beta bucks and there must be an Alpha Chad out there she couldn’t tame and I got mad. I got mad because “if I had known about this when I was 18 or even 24, hell, I’d be the baddest Alpha Wolf Warrior out here”. If you peered inside my retarded mind at the time, it would look like this: + +Alpha good. Beta baaaad. Should I be spinning plates? An Alpha God King Lion would. Marriage is gay. Gotta kill the beta. LOL look at these fag white knights everywhere. Couldn’t be me. Wife just gave birth, haha, you’re welcome for my alpha seed bitch now its time for overt dread! + +Emboldened by this “awareness” I couldn’t wait to go out in to the world and run my fucking mouth about how smart I was about the interseggsual dynamics. I peaked into this place and saw a bunch of fat fags. Nah, not for me, I’m better than this, and off to YouTube we go to regurgitate “HyPeRgAmY DoN’t CaRe SiMp”. + +All the while, my relationship was ass. I had a bitchy and resentful mommy wife and a dry dick. This all came to a head during the kid’s first birthday party, which of course, was totally planned and coordinated by my wife. The day of, she sent her little man-child to pick up the cake while she got ready and her parents set up the tables in the garage. This was extremely inconvenient for me because “the game” was on. When I got back, I set the cake on the main table and as my wife looked at it, she hit the floor in despair like a girl from A League of Their Own when they find out their husband was killed in battle. Turns out, the kids name was spelled wrong. I didn’t even notice. At the time, I was like, “no-one else will notice or care why are you so upset?”. Obviously, it was never about the cake. + +**Respect and Entitlement** + +If there was one thing I learned about being an AlphaLion, it is the importance of respect. I knew that Alpha Soldiers were respected by everyone around them, especially their wives. The wife of an Alpha could be seen gazing in admiration at her man on Rollo’s twitter page #AlphaTells. The Alphas always had Rivelino’s green line leaning towards him, never away. The Alpha’s wife would be kneeling before him waiting to suck his cock right as he got home. + + Obviously, I didn’t have a wife that treated me this way. Not even close. And how dare she? How dare she be so ungrateful when I could leave her at anytime? You want to give me shit 24/7? How does that sexual market place look for a post wall single mom these days? I would not stand for being in a relationship like this. I am entitled to better because Im an Alpha god dammit. + +**Insert NMMNG** + +So I came back here with my tail between my legs to figure out why my wife was such a bitch and started lurking. Fine, I’ll read the sidebar. I started reading NMMNG and I LOVED it. But why? The early breaking free activities call on you to ponder how and why Nice Guy behaviors develop, and you discover that it was the people and experiences in your early childhood that made you feel like you weren’t ok the way you were. Whew, it's not my fault I’m an asshole. Then, it’s about letting go of approval seeking behaviors. People can still love you if you have flaws. Love me for me! I don’t have to change. BFA’s 9,10 and 11? Holy shit I’m awesome and should toats do more for me. Where should I go on vacation for ten days by myself?? + +**Turning Point** + +Now, I don’t really have some romantic rock bottom scene where I remembered some Rocky quote and “I suddenly realized…” but I eventually came across J10’s Drunk Captain post, and this was the closest I came to a ‘holy fuck’ moment. + +***The Problem:*** *If your story starts with saying, ""I was alpha, met my wife, and turned beta,"" this is probably you. But your wife didn't turn you beta, you did. In other words, you're the Drunk Captain.* + +*It's not about the groceries. She's berating and henpecking you because she's pissed off that you haven't stepped up as leader of the household. She's reluctantly had to take the reigns, because she feels the ship will crash otherwise. She's no longer telling you what structural improvements she wants -- she's given up completely on your ability to execute anything meaningful. So all your attempts to ""help"" are looked at almost with contempt. No amount of running errands or doing chores will make up for the major deficiencies you've allowed in your life.* + +Luckily some fucking saint compiled all of his posts and comments into one place and I devoured them. + +Another Gem: + +*But then there are a variant of the unplugging men here who are ""man-children,"" essentially, our proverbial Drunk Captains. These guys are Alpha +0, Beta +0. And these are the men with wives who nag and henpeck them to death because those men can barely muster enough competence to dress themselves every morning and get to their mediocre job on time(ish). That's it. That's the extent of contributions to their household and value they bring to anyone besides themselves. Otherwise, they come home from work, watch TV and/or play videogames, and then come here grumbling about why their wife is such a nagging shrew who won't fuck them.* + +*Those men are already utter failures as Captains, and so when they perceive their first unplugging steps as ""do what you want to do and who gives a fuck about what she thinks"" --* ***those men have literally been doing that their whole life!*** *So this isn't exactly going to inspire gina tingles in your wife. It's just going to make your wife think, Well, he's mostly useless but at least he does whatever I say. Wait, now he's not even doing that anymore?* + +This whole time I have been thinking and acting like I was this victim-of-the-Gynocentric-Social-Order-Nice-Guy when in fact, I was neither of those. I was a bum. I had zero congruence behind these tools and techniques. I had no leverage. From then on, I operated under the framework of being a reforming Man-Child. + +**What would you do if your wife was gone?** + +This has been echoed here and was a very helpful for me to get going. A great question to ask if you don’t know what to do. + +I decided I would do everything. I was going to outwork my wife to the point of absurdity and see if I could land somewhere sustainable. I cooked. Cleaned. Fixed what needed to be fixed that was put off without calling for help. Figured it the fuck out. I picked where we’d go eat. Took the kid to do fun shit. Not that I wouldn’t before, but now I was making the schedule and arranging activities. I pretended I was a single dad. I moved my gym time to 530am so I could be home, get stuff done and be present when they were awake. I made decisions. Some worked out, a lot didn’t. Stopped smoking weed. Stopped hiding in the shitter for 30 minutes at a time, beating off until my ass was numb with the toilet seat imprint. I came home, put my phone in the drawer and got into the nightly grind. I actually applied myself to the status and direction of the home. + +On one side of the coin, I gained a lot of confidence. In addition to the daily household duties I stepped up with, I got our outdoor landscaping in order, remodeled our patio, made the kid a play house. I handled all the paperwork and red tape for refinancing our home. With the help of google and YouTube, ended up fixing nearly every appliance in the home. Audited finances and cut unnecessary expenses. I even got a side gig of sorts and increased our income by 50% with one deal. I was going out in the world and making an impact and owning shit at home. + +BUT at the same time, I was deeply frustrated and felt more hopeless than ever. I’m sure the vets on here could guess why. Essentially, woven within all of these improvements was a covert contract: + +***If I get my shit together, my wife will respect me.*** + +Since I was the Man-Child and my wife’s nagging and resentment was fair, I fell into the trap of making her my judge. I looked to mommy for a pat on the back and an atta boy and I experienced crippling anger when she would criticize me or not show appreciation. It seemed like I couldn’t do anything right. I would pick out an outfit for the kid. “That doesn’t fit him anymore”. When I cleaned, “you missed a spot”. I was not prepared for how shitty I was going to be at these things at first and the criticism that would follow. It makes sense, I didn’t really practice living my life this way. I fucked up a lot. I burned food. I shrunk the kids clothes on accident. I paid the wrong bill at the wrong time. I bought the wrong parts for the refrigerator and had to send them back. Shit like that. I wasted money and time and my wife dunked on me every step of the way. Coming to terms with my incompetence was extremely uncomfortable and was rooted in the covert contract. + +**Putting It All Together With WISNIFG** + +I’ve always had some things going for me. Stayed in good shape. My hobbies are athletic based and my jobs require good social skills and I have a lot of friends and social contacts from both. I can shoot the shit with anyone and have been jokingly accused of “running for mayor” when we go out because we live in a small enough town that it’s not uncommon we see someone we know. + +From here, I looked at my situation and I felt I was at least outworking my wife, I was raising my standards of when and how to get shit done. The effort and consideration in regards to leading family matters was there. Andrew Tate might call me a simp and I guess you could say I was just chore playing but I did what I had to in order to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and earn some self respect. Slowly, really fucking slowly, I started achieving a level of *competence* in all areas of my life which gave me some authority. Once I had earned some authority, I could righteously exercise my assertive rights and apply those tools like fogging, NI, and NA congruently. I started to make decisions on purpose, and with consideration and acceptance of consequences either way. I made observations on wether or not those decisions led to the outcome I wanted, and adjustments were made accordingly. + +**Results** + +I've gone from fucking my wife in one place, in one position our whole relationship, to bending her over and sneak fucking her in the kids closet while he plays in the next room. From floating in the abyss of indecision about where we should eat, to telling her where we are going, what to wear, what color her I want her toenail polish to be and getting road head on the way home for the first time. + +If I did have a cathartic moment, it was seeing that once I had genuine self respect, I didn’t NEED my wife’s or anyone else’s. All it takes to get rid of a covert contract is to become aware of it. These assertive rights gave me a new level of confidence. I became keen on how the people around me and the world in general will try to manipulate me into foregoing them for their own benefit, even at the expense of mine. + +Forgive me as I wander into the faggotry container words, but it’s obvious now that I have to win and be a winner. Not for the wife, not for the kid, not for society. The wife will benefit from being on a sick ass ride with a fun and competent man, that can also be an oak and create an escape.(Thank You HOA). I can be a purple ranger power dad on social media all I want in order to be perceived as a “good father”, but If I really care about my son, I will make sure his dad is not a bitch, and win. There is no shortage of dudes “sacrificing” their goals and vision for their kids and it’s just another covert contract and a sneaky way of punting responsibility. Wait until the kids grow up and resent them for being a fat loser. They will turn around and blame them because they could’ve been this and that if they didn’t cap themselves on behalf of their kids. I don’t want to be that guy. And fuck society. Nobody gives a fuck about me, really. I am alone and nothing is mine forever. She’s not mine, my son isn’t mine, my house isn’t mine. I’ll sell or die and someone else moves in, and down the line it goes. The only thing that is mine is deliberate choice and the more of those I have the more valuable I am. I know it never ends and I have to keep going. I realize these improvements I have made are just basic shit. I've gone from shitty to average but the subtle shift in framework has got me results nonetheless. + +Many thank you’s to the guys sharing their notes, specifically HOA’s Depressed and anxious wives series. Rian Stone has come out with awesome breakdowns of J10’s Drunk Captain posts over the last 6 months that have really helped me internalize the mentalities and tools. + +This is just a long field report from a retard that realized those posts were about me more or less. Maybe this resonates with some and is valuable and/or you can tell me how I’m full of shit. Either way, I win.",,239,AlphaWolfLion69420,1645137096.0 +marriedredpill,st3jet,First you have to care to then stop caring,"You think you have to do something, that’s your male instincts fucking you over. Our mind is wired to do and to try to “fix”. Wrong approach. It is not about “fixing” anything but yourself. You do not have to say “I love you” back because she said it first. You don’t need to gift her back in retribution to what she gave you. You don’t have to call her or “else she’ll forget me”. In fact, and this is the irony of life, doing these (and other) things will only work against you. The problem underlying is not solved only by this. If this still happens to you, it means that the validation-seeking mindset, the “if I do x, she’ll do y” mentality is not gone. + +And I understand that. Evolution has programmed us to think in this way. But in the contemporary context, this shit will backfire, and you know it either by personal experience or by observing others, or maybe by both. Do not EVER feel pushed to do something you do not want to. This is fucked to cultivate. It is fighting against our hard-wiring. But it is possible, with time, patience, and repeated action and reflection. That is something I still struggle with, being truly your own mental point of origin. Doing things for yourself (in the beginning to a narcissistic point). In other words, cultivating a sense of “healthy narcisism” or “rational egoism”. + +There are ways to do so. One of the best is to observe how women do this by default. They only see themselves in the picture and what they gain by an interaction, and so should you, at least if you want to achieve your goals and fulfill your human experience. Look at the selfish things they do, look at how they always try to get the upper hand when they can - it is actually amusing. Another helpful way is to realize that, if you do not make your own vision and goals the main (and maybe the only) target of your focus and attention, nobody else will. And you will live a life of others, not yours. You will be pushed around by life and by everybody. + +Yes, this may lead to your relationship breaking down. But is your goal to have a lasting relationship or one that fits your needs? Is your goal to be in company, even if that means compromising your true “mission” in life? + +Man, fuck. This shit is fucking hard, I know. But its the most important battle you have to fight. All game tools are, in their deepest core, tools of self-realization. And self-realization can only happen when based on a sense of self, and a priority to that self. + +So, do the work. Reach the point in which you stop caring about the effects of your actions on the girls you’re with. Amazingly, it is EXACTLY when you reach that point that you will be the most attractive, since you signal (in thousands of “micro” ways) that you are more than willing to walk away if your needs aren’t being met. In other words, you first have to care to come here in the first place, and then you can stop caring; and, when you do, the results will come; but it won’t be a covert contract, since it really won’t be about the results anymore. It will be about yourself. This is a fine distinction, and indeed one difficult to master. + +But head down, persistence, focus and, most importantly, time will get you there. I write this to you but also to myself.",,56,thekingwithin2001,1644933493.0 +marriedredpill,ssy92c,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 15, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,23,AutoModerator,1644913810.0 +marriedredpill,srcee4,"Chris Voss's ""Tactical Empathy"" (A Non-Autistic Way to STFU... or Antithetical to MRP?)","Hostage negotiator Chris Voss began his training as a crisis counselor (taking calls from people who can't stop using drugs, cutting themselves, thinking about killing themselves, etc.)  Voss describes his early days on this job where he would try to *give callers advice* or *challenge their worldview*. (We know how well this approach works with our wives if we lack frame) Voss talks about changing his approach to try to make the callers *feel heard* and he describes some very simple tactics for achieving this. +**Mirroring** \- literally saying the last few words a person said straight back to them, but in the form of a question (encouraging them to expand or clarify...or perhaps realize how stupid they sound)  +**Paraphrasing** \- ""So, you're saying that \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ "" +**Labeling emotions** \- You can do this by saying ""it sounds/seems like you feel \_\_\_\_\_\_""  + + +Voss talks about getting the other person in the conversation to say ""that's right"" rather than ""you're right"".  Since we know our wives don't want anything to do with *logic*, and thus it really doesn't matter who's *right*, it seems like Voss's ""Tactical Empathy"" might be a nice defensive technique (similar to STFU)  He's got a lot of examples of how well even quite obvious uses of this technique will work on otherwise intelligent people.  +That's my question: Can mirroring, paraphrasing, and labeling (or ***tactical empathy*** as a whole) make a good addition to the MRP argumentative toolkit of STFU, AA, AM, Fogging, Broken Record, etc or is there something about this style that would undermine the Frame these less touchy-feely tactics help us build?  ",,4,SwordHolder69,1644734756.0 +marriedredpill,snfbpo,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 08, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1644309015.0 +marriedredpill,sjqcht,FR: 50 OYS's,"36, 5’9” 162lbs, 12%bf, B: 185x5, SQ: 220x5, DL: 305x5 + +I want to point out to the fat, spineless, piece of shit lurkers. Do yourself a favor, stop procrastinating your participation in OYS. Do your best to follow the rules and be transparent about what you’re doing and what you’re struggling with. I stumbled into my first MRP post around the end of Nov 2020. It was about this guy Barracuda volunteering to give back to his community and then fucking a girl he met at the soup kitchen. Thought at that time, it wasn’t for me ([but I was wrong, that guy’s posts are good](https://www.reddit.com/user/BarracudaRP/posts/). I've yet to find an approved guy on here without a real gem in their posting history.) I was googling again in the end of December and read an OYS thread for the first time. I came across Goodlookinman’s before and after pics and realized, okay, I probably shouldn’t write this place off. I think I read [**Steel’s guide**](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/acvzgx/steels_guide_to_married_red_pill/) next, saw gargantuan B’s old before and afters, listened to a [weakandsensative youtube](https://www.youtube.com/c/WhineMorePlease/videos) and saw the light. + +(btw, this place needs more pictures because I guarantee the majority of MRP readers do not understand how dramatically you can change your physical looks; here’s me from a couple years ago, [fat, hairy, belly full of donuts](https://imgur.com/), here’s a [shirtless one](https://imgur.com/) from around that same time. This is me [after losing \~50lbs](https://imgur.com/) on my wife’s peloton, pre MRP, no lifting, feeling skinny and hawt for the first time since I was in college. I seriously ""felt"" skinny at the time. [This is me right now](https://imgur.com/), best shape of my life and lots of gains yet to be realized) + +I posted once in January and once in February. I thought I’d only need one post a month because my case was not as bad as most guys’. Let me tell you about that definition of ‘not that bad’. + +*I was a 35 year old millionaire, new skinny dad-bod, very smart and talented at lots of things. I realized at that time that my wife wasn’t that horny for all of this. I would ask her for 10 second kisses and she would usually schedule it for later in the day. If all of her stress was alleviated and “we” were on top of our* [chore chart](https://imgur.com/MlWdA7G)*, I could catch her without an excuse to not cuddle a little in bed. My spreadsheet, which I had started 6 months prior to MRP showed I was having sex \~ 0.9x/week, often 1, sometimes 0, sometimes 2!!* + +*I was absolutely the example Rollo discusses of “I’m so lucky she lets me watch hockey in the guest room”. My version of hockey was that I got to go hunting or fishing 1 day a month, but not every month. I could participate in social stuff outside of normal business hours ‘if’ it was work related. I would usually get to cuddle a little if I watched tv with her in the evenings.* + +*Porn and masturbation every single day.* + +*I would fast and count calories all week long so that by the time the weekend came around, I could stay up and binge drink beers watching a movie I liked after she went to bed.* + +Whew…..ok. + +I went through a predictable path of OYS. If you look at askMRP you will see over and over again guys like business travel just say “lift, sidebar & STFU” and it sounds like they’re responding lazily and simplifying this too much but they’re not. It really is that simple. Here’s the major behaviors I adopted last year. + +\- I bought my barbell and plates in February of last year. I’m not sure if it this is exactly how body composition works, but I reduced my bodyfat by 14% between those last 2 pictures (\~24lbs) and only lost 11lbs on the scale, so maybe I gained \~13lbs of muscle? Your physical appearance matters. The difference this has made in my life is **ENORMOUS**. I’ll also note that if you’ve always been fat (or if you’ve always been skinny) you absolutely DO NOT realize how differently all people, especially girls, will treat you when you’re no longer fat. It fucking floors me all the time. + +\- I cut so much drinking out of my life. I didn’t have big problems or ruin relationships with drinking, but looking back, a lot of my life and my schedule was built around figuring out how to fit in binge drinking several times a week. I still drink, and sometimes I drink a lot, but I used to never consider going through a weekend without it. + +\- I stopped porn and masturbation. Well, not completely. I like cumming on her. And I like filming it. + +\- I learned to stop DEERing. This was such a big fucking leap when I first got here. I used to not comprehend how I was supposed to suck in oxygen without exhaling defensive explanations and rationalizations for everything about myself. I cannot tell you how freeing it is once you start to embrace the assertive bill of rights from WISNIFG. + +\- I came a long way with STFU. I no longer dump problems, worries, insecurities and complaints onto other people (except for you guys). As I’ve developed a better understanding of myself, my circumstances and all the various feelings that hover around me, I’ve become better able to navigate my days without any input or feedback from anybody else. I know what eating a salad does, I know what eating a donut does and virtually every activity or behavior in my life is a salad or donut. I am my own ‘go to’ person for the best advice, compassion, motivation and love I can get. “Where am I? How do I know it? What should I do?” + +\- I spend a lot less time ‘living in’ and hamstring about the past and I reset frequently. + +\- I have more personal freedom than I ever thought was possible. I can watch hockey on any tv in the house now. I can actually “do” anything I want from the moment I open my eyes in the morning to the moment I go to sleep. The only lingering impediment to this is that I have kids and I “would” feel guilty if they didn’t eat or have childcare. When needed, they’re taken care of with my list of hot, fun, babysitters, including their mother. + +\- As of now, I think of myself as being the absolute FUCKING DADDY of my household. I have three little girls under my roof; a girly little 2 year old, a brilliantly autistic 7 year old, and a horny 33 year old teenager. I don’t burden any of these girls with my shit, making them buy into my decisions or share in the responsibility of my mistakes, I don’t offload insecurities or complain that I’m not getting enough of whatever the fuck I might be feeling needy about. I give to them generously, up to and until that giving starts to bump into my boundaries or mission. I give them those daddy cuddles and I listen to them emote about their feelz, dreams, and interests without judgement. I take in feedback all the time to consider what these girls might want or benefit from. Often, all they need is the confidence that comes from DIY. + +\- To do this, I’ve had to become and truly start believing that I AM THE PRIZE. This all had to come after the hard, but opportunistically significant realization that [I am alone.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/nf58cf/own_your_shit_weekly_may_18_2021/gypfh6m/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) There's no one else. There's no mommy and there can be no other daddy. Coming to terms with this helped me figure out that I have to be my own prize, giving abundantly to myself FIRST. If you’re doing that and it really is without neediness and covert contracts stuck to it, your life is going to change, you’re going to be more competent, confident, free and happy. And all of the little girls in your life are going to flock to you to get a taste of it. + +\- It’s also worth noting that this has been so much fucking fun! Every single week another dose of doubt, curiosity, & play! Fucking more one week than you ever thought was possible and then navigating a handful of butthurty rejections in the span of 12 hours and coming here to get your feelings hurt even more after complaining about it. Thinking you’re going to have a main event every 2 weeks until you actually learn to STFU. HOA fucking and shooting ropes onto everyone’s wives vicariously through internet [cheat codes](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/) every week. Observing all the men and women in your real life interacting with each other. Reading askMRP stories or the OYS 1-10’s and seeing yourself in their hilarious “WTF? I’m the breadwinner?!!” confusion. This is all so much fun. + +If I could go back to the beginning and give myself advice it would be to lift harder, control what goes in and comes out of my mouth better and read WISNIG and NMMG 10x each before starting any other reading. This holy trinity of lift, sidebar, control that fucking mouth, summarizes my plan for this year too. + +One of the things that’s funny is that when I first arrived here, pretty much everything on the list above seemed like it was some unbelievable mountain to climb. But as these things have started to become a fundamental part of how I live, their significance or status as accomplishment is fading fast. + +I have so much left to do. I’m **overwhelmed** with options of what to tackle or prioritize next. It’s invigorating to think about what might be possible in the coming year, decade and whatever else I get. My want to read, want to try, need to do lists are all way fucking longer than they were when I first got here, and I can’t wait. Thank you all.",,121,ragnar_Daneskjold,1643912717.0 +marriedredpill,sid2ic,Be less shit,"The way you guys are writing about your sex life with your wives is turning to shit again. There are a number users approaching their sex life as if they are victims. Here's a handful of examples from this week. + + +/u/theCrimisomLine + +>3 initiate and got 3 rejections. I did notice that the rejects are have moved from what I would call disgust, to ""A. You have been too mean to me and dont deserve it"" or ""B. Its always about sex for you"". My answer for B, is always ""Yes, absolutely"" my answer for A is STFU, I just don't know what to say really. + +/u/JoeJericho + +>Shark week for half the week, so no initiations most of the week… until last night. I initiated, got a no, and then made the stupid mistake of asking “then when are we going to have sex?” This let to a downward spiral of me running my mouth saying crap about how I want sex, that I didn’t sign up for this, and other DLV. I also said “it seems our intimate life has come to an end” and received a response of “what are you trying to say?” I guess I was implying I want a divorce but didn’t have the balls to actually say it. + +/u/_the_improving_man + +>Last weekend, in the bathroom after she got out of the shower, she is naked, I am dressed. I thought I was escalating by placing her hand on my erection through my pants. Her response ”.. it just makes me feel tired, as another job I have to do”. + +/u/rather_empty + +>It's shark week, but two days ago after we'd had a few glasses of wine I went to get a shower then came back to the lounge, picked my wife up, sat her on my lap and told her I wanted a blowjob. This provoked a thunderstorm in which I was told she wasn't my whore, and I should go get a girlfriend for that. + +>I think some doubt or hesitancy had crept in - I certainly didn't feel confident in the moment. I left her to stew and went to bed. Frankly, I struggle initiating with total commitment, as I saw The_Red_Letters recently phrased it. +The wife decamped to the guest room and moved all her stuff there. Still, I'm glad I initiated - I've never received a blowjob while she's on her period, but I'm going to make it clear through initiating that I've got needs. + +/u/LiftDriveRock + +>My wife still won’t fuck me. Last time I had sex was in early August last year. Sunday was funny in this respect, because it was so transparent. She sensed an initiation about to come and decided to thwart it by picking a fight about something that had absolutely no base in reality. The second she got started, I knew exactly what she was doing. I could see it in slow motion. So again, no sex this week. + +In every example you write as if your wife is the gatekeeper for sex. She is the gatekeeper for sex with her. Only her. And in every case, your the poor victim who is being treated unfairly by your wife. + +You've made the choice that your wife is the only person you're going to have sex with. You have to deal with the consequences of that choice. You don't get to come on here week after week and complain about that choice. You made the decision, you have to own it. + +Most of you are doing 'self improvement' with the intent of increasing the chance your wife will want to have sex with you. It has been made clear that MRP is not about your wife. That is why we have Rule 9. And this bullshit process that you're attempting will not work. [There's a reason it's been given it a name.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/) + +Your wife is free to choose to do whatever the hell she wants. You don't get to decide what she does. You do get to decide what you do, and its the only thing you have control of. + +There's a term to describe doing things in the hope that someone will respond in the way you want. Might be in the first book of the sidebar, who knows. Now, reading and adopting the tools of MRP may lead to you becoming attractive enough that someone else might have sex with you. That's a choice you get to make, and you get to own that choice as well. + +To be fair though, that probably wont be the case for most of you, as the shitty, scarcity mindset you adopt will be inherently unattractive. + +I am not breaking any new ground here. [It's been said more eloquently before](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/df0oxb/oys_posts_are_for_you_to_own_your_shit_not_to/), but you guys don't seem to be able to grasp it. And as outlined by WNS in that post, and highlighted here just so it's crystal clear: + + + +**Again, just so we're very clear, MRP is not a program that will get your wife to fuck you. And this is especially true when you continue to have a shitty mindset.** + +Do better.",,94,threekindsoflucky,1643769264.0 +marriedredpill,shzrka,Praise and Compliments should be worthless to you,"A few years ago I wrote a post on [The Epic Test](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/f70l7g/your_womans_most_wonderful_gift_the_epic_test/), and in that post I pointed out: + +>*For those struggling with validation… Not a single time did I get encouragement from her. Not a single bit of praise. Not a mention of anything that would resemble a wife who is proud of or to be with her husband. Not a single comment on my physique, style, new haircut, sexual position, or attitude. Nothing.* +> +>*And I still haven’t heard her say a nice thing once about any of my changes.* + +Well guys, I'm back to report on this a few years later. Notably, I've spent the last few weeks being observant and calibrating whether I just don't notice the compliments or praise - or whether they do not exist at all. + +I'm here to tell you all that when you reach what YOU believe to be high value - where your woman is absolutely sure of your value through sustained shit testing over time and sustained improvement within your life, and more importantly YOU believe this as well - and you both know that you've outpaced your woman to a point where you'll never be ""caught"".... + +For the longest time I thought this was some kind of marathon shit test where she wouldn't *dare* recognize the obvious gap that's developed, for fear of exposing her ego. That's just not true. But the truth is that it isn't a shit test. It's just how a lot of women operate. + +For some of us, you will never get a compliment or realize they exist. + +You don't need them. + +You know. And if you don't? Well, I guess this is a valuable test for you afterall until you *do* know. + +From u/Ragnar_Daneskjold: + +>... just fucking BELIEVE that she does. And realize she might never say it. My wife gives me affirming words and expressions of I want you and I miss you all the time. Horns has said on multiple occasions that he go this 0 times and maybe doesn't even get it still. Your wife might never verbally admit that she misses you and she might never admit that she likes filling her mouth with your cock. + +For the first time in a while I heard ""I miss you"" and ""I need you"" the other day, which prompted me to finally write this post. But this is rare for me to hear outright, and it's only because my wife is out of town dealing with some shit. + +Rather most of the time the compliments turn into a some solipsistic inquiry, a passive-dread induced baby shit-test in the form of ""*oh, where are you planning on going today?*"" when she notices me looking good. Not a mention of ""I like that shirt"" or ""You smell good"". None. Meanwhile after I exit the house I receive compliments from random strangers or friends about particulars. But my woman? Never. Why? + +Because I don't need it. + +Because [I know.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdlRmWd_R7A) + +It's wasted energy for a woman to compliment a man who already knows whatever praising womanese that's about to exit her mouth is... frankly, worthless to him. He is his own judge, and so anything she could say is worthless. He should already know. + +I mean seriously guys, if you're expecting your woman to dote, compliment, praise and shower you with ego-boosting language... if you're already a highly valuable dude.... it should mean nothing to you. Is it nice? Sure. But does it add value? No. + +You know what does add value though? Action. So while you may be missing those lovely words of affirmation from mommy, what you'll get instead is a woman who adds value in a way that she knows how to... with a sloppy blowjob, dripping pussy, and come fuck me eyes. + +Next time, watch what she does - not what she says - and I guarantee you that if you're hanging onto the thought and desire for her to shower you with words of affirmation - well dude, if you *need* that, it's going to be come at the cost of a warm, wet dripping pussy. + +So sack up and realize that even if you do hear praise from her, it's worthless. + +A man is his only judge, and his own mental point of origin. Either you get it, or you don't.",,83,HornsOfApathy,1643734862.0 +marriedredpill,shq3ow,"Own Your Shit Weekly - February 01, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1643704218.0 +marriedredpill,shbq81,Triple Beta,"Its Valentines Day Mother-nonfuckers. + +It is that time of year for more socially mandated behavior on what it is to be a man. Daddy Red is here to remind you what the rules are. + +So just like you got your 1st, 2nd and 3rd shots like a good beta, time to get out there and get your harpy wife her chocolate, flowers and AA batteries for when you can't finish her off - which is all the fucking time. + +Lucky for you the Super Bowl is the day before, so its going to be extra special for you. After she lets you have your guy time, hang out in your man cave and curse on your team that didn't make it (Fuck you Chiefs!) you get to treat her to an evening of extra special covert contracts. + +You ready to eat some nasty Chad filled vagina soup leftover from the game? While you are watching the game and doing keg stands in your $120 Authentic NFL Jersey, Chad is fucking [two women](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8hobll/fr_one_party_two_women/) in your house, one of them being your wife. + +Oh but Daddy Red, I have a plan. I am going to combine Valentines Day and the Super Bowl into one major event! That's a great idea, I bet she will never think to milk your shit out for an additional day, especially since she is being NICE and letting you have time Sunday to do manly shit. + +Bet you plan on being the AMOG and running to 24 hour fitness, getting a sick swole pump and downing a blender bottle of Creatine right before kickoff. You have to look swole bro in that 2XLT jersey you have. + +GTFO and STFU. + +Stop being a teapot, sack up and plan your strategy for 2023. + +I am not going to give you a fucking field guide on what to do for your harpy on this special day this year. + +Just know a congruent man acts in the way he sees fit. If you want to get her chocolates, flower and AA batteries, then fine. Make sure they are lithium. Know what the fuck you are doing. + +If you want to get her Skittles, get them. Original only. + +Your Valentines Day present for 2022 was decided last year. At this stage, you can only enter the game with the team you have. Dont try to be a skittles man, when you are a triple beta bitch. + +Better watch out though, the GOAT is retiring and Mahomes is still learning. + +There is always next year.",,0,red-sfpplus,1643662037.0 +marriedredpill,sc8z5n,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 25, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,28,AutoModerator,1643099418.0 +marriedredpill,s8mpb1,Lessons Learned from walking through Hell,"Hello brothers, + +I’m not sure any of you may remember me or my story. It’s been almost two years since sharing or posting. I was the guy who’s shit show of a marriage came to an end when my special needs son died. He spiked a fever of 109 degrees and cooked his brain. We took him off life support, all while my wife was too busy being a whore and fucking around during this time. It was the worst time of my life, but thanks to a lot of what I’ve learned here I’ve emerged from the fires of hell more refined. I want to give back and share some of the foundational learnings and lessons I’ve had along the way. + +**No one cares** + +Let’s start here. This was the harshest of realities given the situation. None of my friends checked in on me, my job didn’t give a fuck, even family bailed on me. For example, my mother told me taking my son off life support was “euthanasia”. This was a wild lesson for me to learn, because I assure you it cut deep. In general people care more about their lunch than anything that might resemble a struggle in your life. The lesson here, is there is a why behind STFU. You STFU because nobody cares, and because no one cares complaining it pointless. + +**The Volume is turned Down** + +After burying my son, it felt like the volume was turned down in life. People would complain about things, and I would always think to myself “These people have no fucking clue what problems are”. They have no clue of the value of their own time, time with children or relationships, and are honestly just pretending to be socialites. The world is filled with so much pointless audio clutter you often get lost in it, and forget to ground yourself and focus on what’s real and present. The lesson here, the world is loud. Ignore it and focus on what’s important to you. The rest will be there… making that same fucking noise. + +**Blue-Pill Habits** + +This is honestly what hurt me the worst. Prior to my son dying I was literally on my ascension to God-hood. My money was getting right, I took care of my son better than the doctors, I fucked my whore of a wife, I fucked other women, I was getting more ripped by the day, and I was a fucking ROCK in my mentality. However, burying my son nuked everything. I lost my identity, my mission, my purpose, my health (Lost 40lbs in less than a year), became depressed, and basically picked up every shit coping method I’d ever learned in my life. All of this was nothing more than a cycle of depression feeding itself. The lesson here, you know what habits are detrimental to yourself. Identify them and FUCKING STOP IT. + +**Women** + +Now, I won’t lie to you guys. Given my circumstances, if I decided to share with a woman about what happened it was cat-nip. Women assume they can fix you (if you’re attractive). I fell into a relationship with one of the women I was fucking prior to the divorce. She was one of the few in my life that showed me kindness and empathy through the storm. However, the truth is she wanted to change me. Change me into someone I’m not. Shame me into doing handyman stuff at a house I don’t even live. To guilt me for not committing as much as I had in the past to other women. Name calling to tear down self-esteem to ensure they keep you in your lane. She tried to play the long game here, but unfortunately, I saw the writing on the wall. The lesson here, is AWALT. They will be solipsistic even at most down and out. If they see a chance to scoop up a “good dude” they will literally do anything to make it happen. + +**Spinning Plates** + +Easiest thing to do when you realize the basics and don’t over think shit. These women today are more thirsty than you are. I literally fucked a “lesbian” in the ass because she was having problems with her girlfriend. Shit has never been this easy. They say fly shit, thinking their slick waiting… LITERALLY WAITING for your to check their ass. Frame is everything, check their ass and then destroy her ass. Lesson here, be attractive and don’t give a fuck. + +**Gym** + +This is the most important part of everything involving TRP/MRP. The iron temple, the place you get to praise yourself with the blood and tears. To grow physically, as well as mentally. Working out sucks, it’s hard. A lot of the stuff is heavy, and it takes a lot of effort to pick those stupid things up only to set it back down. However, the benefits are so stupid there’s no argument to be made. Mental health is associated with physical health, as above so below. It helps with hormones, confidence, mental health, and literally makes you sexier and stronger. Most men don’t work out, and if they do, they’re fucking around in there playing with their dicks or something. I’ve had more woman check me out, compliment me, beg to fuck me, and do dirty things all because I have the discipline to go to the gym. The lesson here, just go to the god damn gym and stop fucking around. This is the first building block to being a stronger version of yourself. + +This isn’t anything amazing, but this is just some of the lessons I learned from trying to escape my personal hell. I hope some of you find this useful, probably not. I hope you men are out here protecting your peace and mental health. Strange times we’re in, enjoy the decline.",,235,[deleted],1642695766.0 +marriedredpill,s8kbxt,"Keep it simple, stupid","Red Pill is a praxeology. Systems of practice. In other words auto mechanics, not ideology. + +I've yet to see a guy find this place who didn't find it for one of two reasons: +1. My wife got fat, won't fuck, or wants to leave me +2. My life is miserable and I'm at my witts end. + +There is almost ten years of 'how I stopped being celibate and learned to fuck"" posts. Answers from: +1. I stopped being a fat lazy fuck and my wife blows me all the time +2. My wife is still a frigid bitch so I ditched her and got a younger model +3. My wife fucks fine, but I fuck 3 other girls too +4. I've accepted she's never gonna fuck like I want and decided to stick it out until the kids graduate + +It's not zen metaphysics. It's not ideological purity. It's not morality, ethics, squaring the round peg of your church doctrine to the round wet hole. It's just problem/solution/replication. read what guys tried, try it yourself, repeat it if it works and stop doing it if it doesn't work. + +The only difficult part for guys is figuring out what 'working' means. Thats why this place has always been amoral. + +TheultmateCad wants to fuck the neighborhood and come home to his wife? sweet. I'll learn a lot about what a one sided open marriage is like. I'll learn what chicks cheating on their husbands do. I'll learn how the lifestyle pans out over the long term. I don't care if he's a piece of shit or a complete chad, I'm focused on whats in his material thats for me. FireTempered saw himself 20 years earlier in Cads stuff, and threw in some pointers on a wife spending you out of house and home, and what challenges happen to chad in his 60s. + +The_Litz wants to spend years coming to terms with the success and failure of his life, slowly build himself into a man he can be proud of and accepting that it took years to be a piece of shit and it will take years to stop being one. I'll learn what the way ahead for me would be if I try to 'fix my marriage'. i'll learn how self reflection is important, but actions are more important, and change is uncomfortable. I'm focused on what's in his material that's for me. There's a ton of dudes who are 'doing it for the kids' who are showing where that road goes that added to his stuff + +Don't make this harder than it needs to be.",,93,RStonePT,1642689198.0 +marriedredpill,s6spwk,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 18, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,24,AutoModerator,1642494611.0 +marriedredpill,s1dli8,Put Your Ego in the Box,"I'd like to take a moment today and write a post about an idea that's been wandering about my head in many forms for years. I've inadvertently used the idea when talking with friends about things. And conceptually used it myself when trying to understand something new. I recently read about a form of it in a book on Zen. Consider it a look into how best to learn new models. + +&nbsp; + +**Can You Purely Listen...** + +In normal conversation, or on this sub in a normal exchange, what happens usually is one person will speak from a position within their frame, based on their models. Person 2 will hear what was said, immediate attempt to decode and ""fit"" the thought into their own set of models, and then, thinking they understood it, respond with how that does or does not fit with their own line of thinking. + +&nbsp; + +Consider the riddle ""What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object?"" The unstoppable force is an idea spoken. The unmoveable object is the receiving frame. It has the same feel as two cinderblocks colliding. Maybe somewhere within their structure micro-cracks form from the collision. But ultimately they remain their same solid self. There is no change imparted. + +And that's not to say it's completely wrong to react with your model immediately. But in doing so, you're coming at the discussion from the standpoint of ""my model is adequate to the task"". And in a place where we're often working on moving forward and growing, depending on who you're talking to, you have to ask...*is it*??? + +&nbsp; + +**Segway:** + +I want to segway real quick because it seems like a lot of you noobs in here need it. We've had a lot of guys lately have egoic reactions to criticisms from the mods and MRP approved. You can skip to the bolded **End Segway** unless some piece of your ego has ever felt ""Why do the mods here have such big egos?"" in which case, i'd read it. + +&nbsp; + +See in every interaction you have with someone, someone engages as the student, and someone engages as the teacher. And the teacher usually walks away from the interaction with a better, more solidified overview of what they *already* know. And the student usually walks away with lingering doubt of what they know but useful hooks of how to *build* off that. The thing is, most people would rather feel better and more solidified, than have lingering doubt. So they approach interactions and instead of saying what they have to say and then opening their mind to a response, they simply listen to what is said back in an effort to figure out how they're going to link what is said back to something else they can say. There's a concept in social dynamics called active listening that's a very similar solution to this. Again this all has a lot to do with the ability to stoic-ly set aside ego. And the rejection of doing that is a way to protect the need to set aside your ego. + +Part of what a mentor/teacher needs to do in order to establish a relationship to which they can teach and you can learn is to adopt a ""way in"" to your head. Every single guy who's earned MRP Approved flair on this forum has done so from creating a perspective from which they can actively understand an angle that you can possibly engage your problems from. And each of us are staring you down every week under a microscope watching what you're doing, because it allows us to read you like a book. I'm literally sitting behind my keyboard watching you navigate the model in your head. Horns is watching you feel through us and everyone in your life. 3KL is watching if your thoughts are directed at you or at outside forces. Barracuda is watching to see what game you're playing. Whinemoreplease, when he was here, was watching whether or not you approached life with integrity or self pity. Easydays is watching where you put your attention. ReddJive is assessing whether you approach life with strength and will. Redsfplus is watching to see if you're a little bitch. Stone is watching to see what you really want and if you're betraying that. And on and on. In order for any connection to be made though, there needs to be a receptive mind on your side within the mental realm that we attack it from. And that means clearing out the landing pad in that area of your mind, clearing your own thoughts out of it, to be ready to receive. + +&nbsp; + +How we know whether or not you've cleared out a spot or if thoughts are parked in that spot in your brain is how you respond to an approach. Did our approach send you into an emotional frenzy? Make you answer curtly? Did you completely ignore what we said and continue on with you own idea? Did you covertly go ""that's nice...anyway"" and start telling us what you think? Or instead did you go ""Hmm, that's something to think about."" Did you ask a question to further consider what we said? Did you ground it in your own experience? Did it click something in you? Did you have an ah-ha moment and now you're elated? + +And I know what you're thinking. Because once in awhile someone flies into a tantrum and asks shit like ""Why are the mods so full of ego and want everyone to bow down before them?"" The answer is we arent. *The question itself belies the ego of the asker.* There's a difference between being a position where a student has to set aside their ego to receive value, and a bully using the circumstance to *increase* his ego without giving value. A teacher needs to ask their student to move their ego out of the way to receive value. This *shift in the balance of egos* can **look like** a student having their ego stay the same while the teacher instead *increases* their ego. **But that view itself comes from the student's ego.** The notion is almost like asking ""How come the teacher in school gets to stand up at the blackboard and we gave to sit here listening to him?"" + +And I know what else you're thinking. ""But blarg, why is it that MY ego has to change?"" And I'd answer **""Because you're the one asking the question.""** If you ask the question, you're expected to move your ego to receive the answer. If you dont, you imply your model is up to the task (""I dont need the answer.""). And like I said before if you feel your model is up to the task, then you're not coming at the conversation as a student. And that's totally fine. But if that's the case, you cant then go and whine that you arent learning anything or that mods are being egoic. Because you're choosing the dynamic when you ask (teacher-student), and then trying to flip the dynamic when getting an answer (teacher-teacher). All the while trying to receive the value (as a student). And at the same time not letting it land (because you dont want to move your ego). I'm sure your brain just short circuited reading that because it really is that stupid. + +&nbsp; + +When I ask the question, I make it a point to set my ego aside. I know it's required as part of the dynamic. And yes, guys can come at a conversation as equals and still both walk away with knowledge gained. But it's because both of them are very good at switching their teacher hat for a student has dynamically within a conversation. + +&nbsp; + +""But blarg, how come the advice has to be so pointy and rough?"" Because the endurance of a new idea in your existing model is directly proportional to the impact that idea has on you. And trauma is extremely impactful. The locker-room is simply a vehicle that works based on how you yourself have set yourself up to learn. If you learn when I call you a retarded fuck. Then I'm going to talk to you like you're a retarded fuck. + +&nbsp; + +One last question for me: ""But blarg...what if you're *wrong???*. And my answer is: I probably am. In some way of looking at the universe my mental model wont jive with someone else's'. But guess what? And this is going to sound full of ego but **I'd rather be wrong in the position I'm in, than wrong in the position *you're* in.** + +**End Segway** + +&nbsp; + +So this clash of minds with no real result is an extreme view of what happens when there's no give. I want to swing all the way to the other extreme. + +In the book The Heart of Zen, the author gives a koan. A koan is a riddle which a master gives his student. The purpose of the riddle is that in order to answer it correctly, the student often needs to go off and consider many often undefined or vaguely defined concepts in a way that will lead him to explore and develop entirely new mental models. The riddle is constructed in such a way that arriving at the answer tells the master that the student not only knows the answer, but also has a similar mental model from which the answer was generated. Which is ultimately the goal of teaching an idea. + +This koan in particular was: ""Can you purely listen without having an opinion?"" + +&nbsp; + +Upon reading this, immediately I thought I had an opinion on the answer (see? I do it too). But I decided to close the book and take a few weeks to think about the answer to that question. I mean...often students are sent away for years to think about the answer to koans. I could at least give it a few weeks. + +A lot of my thoughts on the issue revolved around deconstructing the actual question and twisting and turning it every which way in order to put it back together in a proper thought. For instance the words ""Can you""...does that mean ""Do I have the ability? The complete 100% ability? Is it something I control like an arm movement? Something I partially control like a thought? Something I dont control like your heartbeat?"" Or ""purely""...what is pure? Without intent to act? To conceptualize whatever I'm listening to in an exact duplicate of the thought?"" Things like that. + +&nbsp; + +My answer for the most part was ""No, you cant purely listen without having an opinion."" But then a thought came back to me. It was a kind of thought that enabled a more pure form of listening based on someone else openly and honestly coming to me in a way that asked me to set aside my judgment, and simply make space in my head to consider an idea. As if someone said ""Look I have something to tell you, and I know you're going to immediately start trying to interpret it or relate to it or twist it...but just listen for a moment"". + +This is also what I usually mean when I speak of open and honest communication to others. Saying it in a way that is devoid of the usual bullshit context of the game you're both playing and with intent to be considered pure. But also with the release of reaction to how someone else actually interprets it (Not getting butthurt if they receive it in a way that's still based on the game.) And in that way of speaking or receiving an idea, I saw with this kind of ""setting aside"" of myself that yes, I could purely listen...**as if merely trying to construct the idea they were trying to tell me as they saw it, rather than add my own flair or analyze it through my models.** + +&nbsp; + +The explanation the author gives to the koan is a bit of a disconnect from what one might think the author is trying to ask with the question. But the answer, the lesson remains gold. The answer he says is ""Yes, you can purely listen. (With the explanation of) if you think you cant (and he would ring a tuning fork and say) stop the sound of the tuning fork with your mind. If you cannot, then you are not under control of the listening."" + +What he's trying to say is that there is a part within you that receives the listening *before* the actual sound is attacked by the rest of your mind and transformed into something else. That piece of you is purely listening. But in order to realize it, to understand what it is, to see it, you have to understand that it requires you split and set aside all the you that happens after you hear the sound, and acknowledge the pureness that is you simply hearing it. Youre in control of the *interpretation* of the listening. But you arent in control of the listening. Keep this in mind. + +&nbsp; + +**Put Your Ego in the Box** + +Some vets may have already heard this story. I was sitting in a truck with one of my closest friends. We met that night to discuss the situation of our mutual closest friend who wasnt present. That mutual friend had a problem, and we both knew it. It was a very blue pill problem. And it was giving our friend a very rough life. So rough that we both knew that the threat of suicide wasnt an immediate threat, but the odds were going up. + +It was early in my RP days. And my friend noticed a change in confidence in me and my interactions with people. And he said ""I dont know where this change in you came from and I dont really want to know. But I think he may benefit from hearing something from you. Will you talk to him?"" + +&nbsp; + +And I looked at my friend and I said ""Look, I understand the risk we both see here. Our mutual friend is a very logical guy. But at the end of the day the door through which the lessons I learned is a door someone has to voluntarily walk through. Not one that you can be convinced through."" I said ""I've experienced this many times before, and if I simply go to him and start spewing knowledge here's what's going to happen: He's going to take everything he knows and he's going to put all that in a box. He's going to put that box on the shelf. He's going to listen to what I have to say, and then he's going to immediately go 'that's cool but' and take that box back down and replace all his old ways right back while spewing forth what his models of the world were instead."" I said ""I know the risk of suicide is non-zero...but he needs to come to me."" This is why overt red-knighting doesnt work (dont talk about fight club). + +&nbsp; + +I've had this idea of the box for a long time. And it connects to the idea I talked about above in that instead of simply stalwartly mashing your model against another person's model, sometimes we will attempt to *fool* ourselves into thinking we're actually considering someone else's model when in actuality what we've done instead is to take everything we know about us, all the connections between ideas in our heads, all our models of reality and how things work, our emotion, our feelings...our egos...and we'll put them all in this nice, roomy, velvet lined box that we metaphorically made for them. And we'll take that box and latch it closed and put it up on the metaphorical shelf while we listen to someone else. But we know we're not actually listening to them. We're simply allowing them to talk. And as they talk we keep eyeing up that box and itching to retrieve it because we know the second they stop talking, we're going to be able to rip that box open and attack their idea with everything our egos have built into so far. + +The thing is, we know we're doing this. We know it because when we rip our egos back out, they guilt trip us for putting them in there in the first place. But also acknowledge that there's something about what they've just told us that we've destroyed. We feel that loss. It's that weird feeling we get after the conversation like ""why do I feel like I heard them talk but didnt really internalize what they said. We ""made it"" through the conversation but it was hollow."" + +Side note for the story: Our mutual friend actually did come to me after a month. And we had a drink and he just purely *vented* at me the entire time, not really giving me space to talk or listening to the few things I said when I did. Because I wasnt giving him immediate solutions. I was giving him long-term suggestions of a more complex nature. Teacher, teacher vs teacher, student. One more story. + +&nbsp; + +**That's not me...but if it was...** + +I've said it a few times here and there in the past, but I really hate when people say the phrase ""That's not me."" Whether that's listening to a new type of music ""Oh no, I like punk rock. Rap? That's just not me."" Or doing some kind of activity ""I dont enjoy running. That's just not me."" Or even acknowledging a different point of view ""I'm not a dog person. That's just not me."" + +The reason I hate ""That's just not me"" is because if you're paying any attention to your life at all, you'll notice how damn often we find that we're always learning and experiencing something new, and 'who we are' is constantly changing. Everything that you've done in the past used to 'not be you'. And now it is. The question then comes ""well what happened in the process of it becoming you, that allowed it to fall into the category of 'You' and not 'Not You'? + +&nbsp; + +**""That's not me...but if it was, how would I need to be in order to be it?""** Once I found the power of this thought, it transformed my life. I could loosely define it as a sort of empathy for someone else, if that someone else was simply the You that you arent right now. It transformed my life because I could now uncover the doorways through which other people were entering into the realm of things that were not me, but they were making them, purposefully. I could then seek out that doorway instead of simply stumbling upon the doorway when life seemed to come together perfectly to show me where the doorway was. + +For instance, Rap music...I used to not be into that. I used to not be into it because I felt that all they talked about was ""bitches, the club, and money"". When I started working out I found a section of it where the artists talk about real fucking problems like what to do when you strive for something and it doesnt come to fruition. What to do when thoughts of self-harm enter your head. What to do when the world seems to shit all over you. These thoughts gave me that dig-deep, that strive-through-suffering feeling that seemed to accompany lifting so well that listening to it has become a permanent staple of my working out. The way in was to find out how it benefited me. This happened by chance. I stumbled into it. + +&nbsp; + +*Noticing* that I can stumble into it logically means that there are *other* things out there that arent me, that *are* future me, that I can adopt more quickly if I allow myself to search for them. It's an improvement within the search algorithm. + +Now when I listen to other music that doesnt seem to be me, I make use of the knowledge that there is a way in to make this music me. It just doesnt seem to fit with the me now. I think ""How would I need to be in order to be it?"". I think ""What about this do other people like? What about this could I like? Is it the beat? The bass? The melody? The words? The feelings? The personality of the person the lyrics are talking to? The social aspect?"" And that's not to say that you will always find a doorway through which you will choose to walk to make that music you. But the key is that *you will find the doorway*. Whether you walk through it is your choice. + +&nbsp; + +**How does this relate back to MRP** + +As I go through OYS and talk to guys through PM and on chat, and sometimes in real life, a common problem I see is that I'll run through an idea and I'll get damn deep in the weeds about what's going on and how we're acting. And when I do, they will immediately reply with how that idea relates to them and what they're thinking right now. It's almost a compulsive need. A drive to respond to that stimulus immediately. + +And the mind does a really funny thing when you do this. It thinks that *because* it responded to the idea, that the implications of the idea no longer hold weight. In a way it says ""Whew...we batted that idea away with our own set of models. Onto the next thought."" + +The problem with that is that the way we learn isnt by taking the models that we have and applying them to life. It's by taking the models we have, applying them to life, and then studying the disconnect between the two. And more important, *studying that disconnect over a period of time and allowing new ideas to form rather than trying to force those ideas through the existing models we have now* because *the existing models we have now are incomplete*. + +&nbsp; + +There's a necessary discomfort that one has to face wherein one really sits with ideas that they dont understand instead of immediately running them through the models we already have. You HAVE the power within you to purely listen to the input life and this place is giving you in your head before it gets processed through all the junk that sits on top that you (Story 1 above). + +That power comes from a separation between who you are and all the models you have right now, and the act of purely listening to that input. You promote that listening by taking your ego and putting it in that box on the shelf and then *letting it sit there for awhile* (Story 2 above). + +As you form the idea within the space in your mind unaffected by what's already there, you can start to see unique connections within it that you dont have in your model, and of which your model would have ripped apart or disregarded in it's own blindsight. From there then, you have the power to seek out the boundaries of this new model, and ask what would need to happen, who would you need to be in order to accept the new model in its whole within yourself (Story 3 above) + +&nbsp; + +Many guys on here have read what I've had to write in the past and responded with ""That's going to take some time to consider. I'll get back to you when i do."" And when they do...from what I've seen...those are the men that I later see actually internalizing the notes we're all passing around. + +Many guys on here have also looked at a post like this and thought ""Why the fuck are we deep diving into how the mind works? Just act!"" And the answer if you understood what I wrote above is that by sitting and watching what the mind does and then asking why it does it, you'll often find it does it because that's all it knows. And a lot of the time what it knows first and foremost is how to protect what it knows. But we dont learn from continually doing what we know. We learn from doing what we *dont* know. In the same sense, we dont learn by only thinking thoughts we know. We learn by considering thoughts we *dont* know. And those thoughts we dont know are ""How do I need to act, how do I need to think in order to more efficiently get to what I want?"" + +&nbsp; + +Efficiently: The thing to consider is that thoughts are often associated with inaction (the image of the thinking man comes to mind). And action often associated with putting aside thought (an image of a guy simply pushing aside his approach anxiety and walking up to that woman). But sometimes thinking can be useful to more purposefully guide action. + +When then do we know if what we need to do is act or think? **If you believe you need to be somewhere other than where you are right now, you need to act. If you instead feel you're in the right place but simply need a better frame to view it, you need to think.** + +&nbsp; + +Those two ideas are true and seem to be mutually exclusive *except* that often unwillingness to act is the *result* of having a mindset that is not driven to act. Changing the mindset allows action. Likewise unwillingness to think is often the *result* of refusing to consider what your actions are doing for you. Consideration of the action allows for introspection and revision. + +Notice I said **allows** action and **allows** introspection. **You still have to walk through the door**. Just like in my example above about finding new music...it doesnt mean I *will* walk through the door. It simply means I'll be able to more efficiently find it. How do we walk through the door? + +&nbsp; + +**Grounding** + +I've done some fucking deep diving into books and discussions with other approved members here and I hope they'll forgive me for putting all our ideas together...but the three ways it seems we use as catalysts to get ourselves to walk through doors is Doubt, Curiosity, and Play. + +&nbsp; + +Doubt - I've posted about this before in my post [Go out, test, and see who you are](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hzghfh/go_out_test_and_see_who_you_are/). Doubting your current models tears down that belief that ""my model is up to the task."" It invites a way through lies you may be telling yourself. It invites you to be a student and to look for teachers and mentors. And I think the draw to this place, the locker-room feel and doubt both follow the path of trauma, which is the number one way in which we open ourselves to change. + +&nbsp; + +Curiosity - /u/easydayshardnights has commented on a lot of replies deep in OYSs about using curiosity to drive progress. In a way, curiosity is doubt stripped of ego. The ""woe is me"" is stripped away and we, almost from a logical standpoint, approach the world in such a way as to allow ourselves to re-learn it. It takes the form of a discovery of the new, and a reforming of the old. With new information, we ask ""If this is true, then..."" and predict new models. Then act to see if our predictions were right. + +&nbsp; + +Play - Is a concept /u/oobertas talked about in a conversation with easydays [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/rla5ak/own_your_shit_weekly_december_21_2021/hpk4v5c/). The point of play was to remove the dependence on the outcome in an effort to simply explore and take in whatever happens to be present. It's almost a step above curiosity because curiosity still looks to assess an outcome, while play can choose to, or not. Play is more engaging for the sake of engagement. + +&nbsp; + +I'd like to stop short of saying play is ""best"" and doubt is ""worst""...because that would be akin to saying ""achieving enlightenment means having no ego"". (For the noobs, the state of having no ego is different than when we say ""kill your ego"". What we're saying when we say ""kill your ego"" is ""kill your ego *as it is right now*""). I think all three are useful tools depending on where you are acting within your whole self. + +&nbsp; + +All three of these things though do something that allows you to solidify those new experiences in your head in a process I call grounding. Because simply thinking thoughts or doing actions isnt going to lead you to growth. You've got to be *watching* when you do them, and then grounding them, using the experiences as anchors within your mind to solidify the experience within you. When a guy gets advice to STFU, and then reports back later a story of his wife throwing him shit and him just walking away, and then her being sweet affectionate in an hour...that's grounding. It links the idea of STFU to ""that"". What's that? The whole experience. When he thinks ""shut the fuck up"" now he isnt thinking literally of the words. He's recalling that entire experience from the feelings, how to push through the need to speak, how to walk away, how he felt about that, and the result. All in the snap of a thought. + +And this is also why when guys come on here and we tell them to NGAF and they come back the very next post and say [""I DGAF now!""](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qkzq1y/own_your_shit_weekly_november_02_2021/hj2uc0i/) it's infuriating because it's blatantly obvious there was no doubt, curiosity, play...there was no action, no thought, no grounding. It's merely parroting back what we said to do. It's hollow as fuck. And we see right through it. + +&nbsp; + +Now...if you're still with me. I'd invite you to take a moment, and broaden your thoughts again. Take a deep breath, let the world back in. Look around the room. Consider the breadth of information in your environment. And examine the *depth* of our thoughts right now. + +""Depth""...what does that mean? They're all just thoughts arent they? What makes one thought ""deeper""? Its the fact that where we are right now is at a level that's so ""deep"" as to be unreachable during our normal everyday lives. Its unreachable because where we are right now is a thought that only makes sense when we take a strategic walk through all the layers of our models that build up to it. And the thought is so deep that the limits of our attention in our daily life isnt enough to allow us to keep all this in our heads at once. + +&nbsp; + +*If that is so* then in order to live by the deep thoughts we have right here, we need to figure out a way to summarize the entire sub-model in such a way as to capture the nuance of it all, so that we *can* reference it in daily life when the world demands our attention. And this is do-able. I do it all the time. And these summaries I can tell you are *much* more impactful than the summaries one might find at surface level MRP like ""acta non verba"". That does not mean acta non verba is false. Big emphasis on that. But it is vague and shallow. + +Why? Because the words it uses are words that invoke an idea of an easily followable dichotomy. Actions...not words. Do this. Not that. But I'm sure you've seen mentioned in here also a line like ""Let her give her gifts freely."" This is also a short slogan of words. But the words seem more amorphous. What gifts? Freely how? Give...somehow the thought seems incomplete. And that's because what the words are are not words themselves, but *pointers* to whole other sets of ideas. (If anyone is not familiar with computer coding, a pointer is a piece of data that stores an address to the actual data. It ""points"" to it.) The pointers point to these ideas we've spent the time to think out. But we'll find that we're able to operate off the pointers in real life in real time, rather than take the take to distill the information in 10,000 words like we are here. + +&nbsp; + +*Why* did it take 10,000 words to distill these ideas? Because words are shit at communicating ideas. Words are mere approximations of entire sub-models in your head...but because they are so low resolution, they not only cant precisely outline an idea, but they are very easily confused for another idea entirely. And this is the reason whenever I get into long, 3 hour conversations with people about these deep concepts, that we often resort to defining and being very specific about the words we choose to use. + +&nbsp; + +In the same way a picture is worth 1000 words, a thought is as well. So then, are we able to use thoughts to reference ideas and guide us where we want to go in real time too? Yes. And they are quite effective at it too. + +So much so that a lot of the time when I take the time to meditate and notice things like I talked about above, I will come to a thought. The thought will be composed of ideas and feelings. And I will be able to grab and lock down that feeling as if to say my path to a better future will happen if I ""head towards *that* in life...whatever *that* is."" And in going through life, I'll be able to quickly reference whether what I'm seeing in my behavior, attitude, demeanor...in all my non-verbal aspects, if those things align with that *that* that I'm heading toward. + +&nbsp; + +Quite often, when I'm chatting with easydays or Horns or ubermensch, what I doing is actually trying to convert that thought into words. And when I do, what happens is almost an ""ah-ha!"" feeling. A feeling that's odd because even though one part of me already knew and internalized the thought, it's as if another part just saw it for the first time. + +I could go deeper and explain why this is. But I wont for now. The point is: we can use both words and these ideas composed of thoughts and feelings to guide us, summarize for us, and reference for us. + +&nbsp; + +The other thing I'd like to mention is *If that is so* then I am here to tell you that this investment into thought, meditation, spirituality, the 'whatever-it-is' that you all know me for...that when you see me post you expect my post to have a flair of, that thing is what I've used over the last 2 years in order to **deepen** my ability to hold onto and attend to these deeper levels of thought in my daily life. + +I dont know how exactly doing what I do and thinking what I think allows for it...but it does. The only analogy I can think of is sometimes when I go down in my basement and pick up my drum sticks, and put on a song, I dont think about the song. The sticks just go where they need to go. And i will tell you at times I'm literally watching myself in awe that they are really playing this fucking song correctly. It's a...flow...in which the entirety of my effort is focused, without the actual intent of doing it. (I say flow and laugh because I know once again I've given a nod to easydays...because he's talked about this.) + +&nbsp; + +I say this because all this...whatever this is that we just did here...whatever journey we just went on with our thoughts...someone will actually believe is mental masturbation. And while I do believe mental masturbation exists...and the hallmark of it is thinking too much...I want you to consider: **Was this it?** + +And it's okay if your answer is yes. Because it is not wrong to be okay living a life by which the depths of your thoughts are shallower than this *and you are getting what you want.* (""My model is up to the task""). But if this journey through my words brought out a tiny thought within you that asks ""Holy shit...what was that? What did we just do here? Because I feel like it was important and I dont feel that feeling a lot. I feel like I will be able to use this somehow, even if I dont quite know how yet.""...if you felt that...then I would hardly call it masturbation. + +&nbsp; + +When we think of a guy who just ""gets it"", we see a guy who's acting. But more so, we see a guy who's action is on point. As if an entire being of a person is aligned in congruence behind it. As if everything he does seems to be backed by a mountain of depth as if it say that he's been through it all, he knows what he's doing with every fiber of his being. It's not a guy who [simply acts the right way, but has an entire model behind it, with each node grounded in experiences he's done.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/rvpll4/own_your_shit_weekly_january_04_2022/hrpwxyz/) + +&nbsp; + +So what am I actually telling you to do here? Because it's not a checklist like the 12 steps of dread, or iron rules, or specific actions to take to achieve you goals. When I came out the other side of my MRP journey the first question i had, which I actually sought out the mods and called to ask was: ""What the hell was that? What did this place do to me?"" Not referencing the transformation from a beta to someone who uses MRP tools, but the **process** that it used to get me there. What was that? How can I harness it to move forward in the future? Not the tools. The tool *to make* the tools. + +&nbsp; + +That's what this post was all about. How to ground experience in actions catalyzed by doubt, curiosity, and play. With an emphasis on finding a path of efficiency using both the tools of action and feeling out the world. And allowing those thoughts and feelings and experiences to solidify and land in a place in your mind that's free from the models that you've already put together, that your ego furiously defends, so that they have a chance to take hold. + +Taoism often speaks of effortless action. See if you can crosscheck your life and assess whether when you do act, if your actions seem more like you trying to force something to happen using the strength biology has given men to push through adversity by default. Or if your actions seem to flow from a place of understanding and if those actions move easily to navigate the landscape of reality like a rudder through water.",,54,[deleted],1641909760.0 +marriedredpill,s1889w,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 11, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,22,AutoModerator,1641889821.0 +marriedredpill,s16uyb,"60 DoD Booster '21: Week 8 - Social Life, and the End","Last week was your Social Life booster. Hopefully you all read some of the prior materials to understand where you should be on the basics. Your booster could of course been many different things, including building new networks, expanding existing networks, or even pruning existing networks. Remember that some connections can be a time sink and not worth your effort. + +How did you do? Have you given all your areas a ""shot in the arm?"" I will be tallying results some time this week and awarding flair. I offer a golf clap for all who participated.",,13,SorcererKing,1641884506.0 +marriedredpill,s08cat,"New to this, instant positive reactions.","I just want to say that after reading NMMNG, the beginning of The Married Man Sex Life Primer, lots of stuff here, and starting an audio book on this, it’s been insane the complete 180 my wife has made. + +I never thought it would ever be like this with her. How do I maintain this? + +Does it fade? + +Doesn’t matter. I’m more comfortable in my own damn skin after starting this journey and I’m not stopping. + +Fuck this sub is awesome.",,18,Jack_Wraith,1641780950.0 +marriedredpill,rvpll4,"Own Your Shit Weekly - January 04, 2022","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,1641285015.0 +marriedredpill,rsl5x5,recurring comfort test,"I have a recurring comfort test that I keep failing. + +married 6 years, together 11, 2 kids, 7 and 4 + +I own and run a gym for men. lifting stats are good, trust me. I have strength students and grappling students. I also contract to the military, running training for soldiers. My SMV is objectively 1 point higher than her, maybe 2. It could be higher if I had legit game. I know I need to create abundance, but this is kind of the source of the comfort test. hang on. + +She has read ""The Surrendered Wife"" and has RP awareness. I have full control of our finances, she even changed what bank account she gets paid into to mine. This all relatively recent (last 6 months) as I have been side barring. My red pill journey began with my strength and yoga mentor who gave me WOTSM (straight in the deep end) to read over a year ago. Read it like 5 times and only after finding RP, MRP and the other literature did it start to make more sense. + +Now the comfort tests: + +* ""why are you with me?"" (main one) +* ""Am I just sex to you?"" +* ""you can't actually tell me why you are still with me"" +* ""I'm not fucking you anymore. go and find other bitches to fuck, I don't care"" + +and the like. She is definitely my little slut, 75% of the time. It's in her. DEVI works, and I know I have definitely got work to do to keep her comfortable and receptive. She is also very capable of being the sweet, feminine lovely energy that we all love. But if I fail or falter the slightest, holy fuck it goes to full cunt mode. As in no matter how I try to fix her feelz, she flat out holds frame and treats me like I just murdered her dog. If I try to get frame back by STFU, it can last weeks, and she generally comes back but with the ammo of ""you didn't even care enough about me to...why are you with me?"" There is some old trauma surrounding sex where ""I used to think that the only way I could get you to like me was through sex"" coz of pretty fucked previous relationship. I did not know this when we were dating or getting married. Not in detail anyway. + +Now I can see how that is emotionally painful for her, but how do I show her that that is in fact exactly how she gets me to like her, and that it is not a bad thing (BP/ASD) ? I think I'm DEERing too much in explaining how I chose her out of all the others blah blah. But there aren't any others...is this a matter of learning game",,35,Zealousideal-Cut6282,1640924220.0 +marriedredpill,rs3spn,60 DoD Booster '21: Week 5 Game & Week 6 Finance,"IMMEDIATE EDIT: I think maybe I'm off a week. This should be about Week 6 Finance and Week 7 Career. + +Welcome back. For those of you keeping score at home, Cerveza sickness is lame. Not the worst I've ever had, but certainly has its charms. Hopefully while I was recovering the rest of you carried on. Last week was Finance while this week is Career. + +Finance can be fairly robotic. If you are oblivious to terms like *death of the dollar*, *fiat currency*, *negative real interest rates*, *counterparty risk*, *bail-ins*, and so much more, seek to fix that immediately. A storm is coming, and you don't want to lose all you've worked so hard for. There are many blue-pill normie investment ideas, all about being a bag-holder for the stock and bond markets. Yes, the Fed Put has been running strong since March 2020, but with inflation the way it is something has to give. + +Career takes on a special new importance now. If a Great Depression scenario is coming, the time may be now to understand your core skills and develop new ones. Big Corporate will survive as appendages of the Gubermint, but is that what you want the rest of your life to be? Before long big corporate will chip your arm for security and vax control. You'll have your pod (cube) and your role, and a nice little boot-licking station for your boss. Is that the best you've got? Take time to imagine what you would do if you lived in the Old West, or Mad Max, or The Expanse. + +A final word on the role of these posts. They are an attempt to stimulate you to *think* about the topic area, but I or someone else doesn't post them, those of you participating should carry on anyway. You can always know the week by looking at the 60 DoD content on the sidebar. + +That is all. Get it done.",,0,SorcererKing,1640876612.0 +marriedredpill,rqb17w,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 28, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1640680218.0 +marriedredpill,rla5ak,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 21, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,1640075422.0 +marriedredpill,rjysfe,RP philosophy: A take on selfishness,"**Edit: WARNING: Massive bullshit ahead. It will possibly read as somewhat insightful, or like there is some substance there, but there isn't. It's nothing but *verba non acta*. I'm leaving it here to remind myself and warn others what can happen if you spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing.** + +Fix the man, not the marriage. I am the problem, not my wife/dad/government/world. Discipline = freedom. Lift. STFU. Read. Work *hard*. Become your own judge, your own mental point of origin. Do what you want. DNGAF. (well, give maybe one fuck). + +I look at all that and *see* truth. Not like I agree with it, as if it were something I could decide. It’s there, plain as day, right in front of me. I’m grinding away at applying it, failing all the time. but I see the truth and am working to align myself to it. + +I even see a kind of truth in what might be the most core RP philosophy: selfishness. + +philosophers call it [rational egoism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_egoism). + +I think rational egoism is evolutionarily true, up to a point. I think the environment that produced us has deeply ingrained a *type* of selfishness as the highest ideal. But not selfishness of the individual, [selfishness of the genome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gene-centered_view_of_evolution). + +I think rational egoism is *true*. +but I’m not sure it’s *optimal*. and I think evolution agrees. + +But I’m not sure, and I want to be challenged on this. + +Evolution optimizes for maximum survival of a *genome*, not the individual. we are merely instantiations of that genome. we are finite, limited. evolution “knows” this. even if we fucked 10k women and sired 50k offspring, we will die eventually. it looks to me like our biology and neurochemistry reflects this. I think we are most aligned with our biological roots when we optimize for genomic survival and thriving, not just our individual survival and thriving. + +It looks to me like RP focuses on optimizing the life of the individual, all else be damned. Build my power to do what I want, maximize my happiness, DNGAF about what everyone else needs/wants, except in the context of how meeting those needs might further my own. But it all begins and ends with me alone and I won’t ever sacrifice myself for others. + +Again, I don’t think that’s “wrong” per se. Nothing is “wrong” in the world of RP. + +I just don’t see it as optimal. + +It looks to me like the most optimal mode of being is one that optimizes my needs & wants now, *then* my needs & wants later, *then* my needs & wants way down the line, until I die. + +but it doesn’t stop there. it radiates out from me to my closest relationships. my wife. my kids, my extended family, my neighborhood, my city, my country, the world. I want to take responsibility for as much of the universe as I have the strength and competence to, for as long as possible. + +So I want to live in a way that optimizes my own thriving over the longest possible time, *while also optimizing* the thriving of others, as far as my influence extends, and I want that influence to extend indefinitely. + +You might think: bullshit. Can’t be done. Can’t control other people, only yourself. + +You’re right. I can’t control others. At the end of the day I only control myself, and before I can ever hope to take responsibility for anything else, I have to “dominate myself” in the words of /u/HornsOfApathy. + +But I *do* influence others. I influence some people *a fucking lot*. What do I do with that influence? Do I make them servants of my will? Or do I help build them into a better version of themselves? I think it’s willfully blind and borderline sociopathic to ignore the influence we men exert over others. And more importantly I think it contradicts basic evolutionary instincts. + +Becoming healthy, strong, competent, and fit is at the core of our evopsych. + +I also think helping other people do that, *even at some cost to my own immediate or long-term happiness*, is also in line with that evopsych. How much do I sacrifice my own fitness for the fitness of others? I haven’t worked that out. But I know the answer does not approach zero, and there might be circumstances where even radical selflessness is warranted. + +I could even argue that the kind of “selective self-sacrifice” that promotes a healthy population around me is an expression of self-interest, because I will draw more benefit from a healthy community than an unhealthy one. Especially considering a day will come when I am not as competent, capable, and fit as I am today. + +So, have I just worked myself around to what everyone here already knows, and my autistic ass just didn’t understand the nuance? Did I take “selfishness” and rational egoism too literally? + +Or are there some hairs to split here?",,35,ancient_resistance,1639927179.0 +marriedredpill,rhe74s,Sabotaging the deal at the end,"I'm sitting in an airport lobby right now, where I just got out of a meeting codenamed ""Project Landwhale"". I'm tasked to do due-diligence on a $100M+ company acquisition, that I will integrate into my business unit afterwards - and it's a company that previously tried to poach me back in 2015 post VC funding but they wasted my time and it died on the vine. The leadership was full of fat assholes. + +And here I sit wondering if I should just play along with these guys next week when I meet them in person and for the next 60 days, just to ultimately nuke the deal on day 59 without my recommendation and a scathing report not to proceed. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. + +My point is - I pretty much have all the power right now in my mind, but the truth of the matter is that they're a pretty attractive company to buy that will help me get my shit off the ground here much quicker. So, maybe if they suck my dick a little bit I'll buy them. + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +&#x200B; + +See, when you get to the endgame in MRP there are plenty of options. But after I've been at this long enough I see that most men - when they're attractive, have passed through all the seeking sex for validation stages, and have a sustained, congruent mindset.... they encounter sabotage from their wives. + +Sometimes it is a test. Sometimes these women really are just testing to see if you're truly outcome independent (as your final lesson) and if you're really the man you say you are who is willing to walk or stay. And mostly, these tests are congruence tests - you pass them and life goes on. Except this one. + +But some women will nuclear sabotage the relationship in order to protect their ego - simply because of two reasons: + +1) You don't like her, and she knows this. + +2) To protect their ego so they don't have to accept the fact that she isn't good enough for you. Because sometimes it's just too hard to face themselves and their need to improve. They simply are not willing to accept the swallowing of their own redpill. + +\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ + +But for those women who are willing to swallow their own redpill, and buck against societal standards, social media, their friends, and more importantly the mindset of princess feminism - and everyone telling them their entire lives that *they are the prize,* well, they need to buck that mindset and discover that their world isn't what they really thought it was. + +Because now, they're with a high value man, and they'll do anything to be with him. + +And what you guys need to understand is they have NO IDEA how to be with a man like that. They certainly didn't marry that, and so they go batshit crazy. + +And dudes, this is where liking your wife gets really important. Because I've seen men here that don't like their wives spin their wheels in this stage for a long time, constantly going Rambo just to get some retard revenge fantasy fulfilled - and that makes them like the TRP retards we all know. Fucking *over* women instead of just fucking them. + +&#x200B; + +A woman will always pick a HVM over anything, even their own *children.* This I have also seen here with /u/red-sfpplus \- who's fitchick was kicked out of his house because of her kids... and then months later she's dropping the kids off with their father, washing her hands, and begging to come back into his life full-time. You can't make this shit up. + +\------------------ + +My point to all of this is that right now, as I sit here willing to nuke the deal after playing along (like your wife) it's my ego that's stopping me from taking something that will proceed to further my career. So will I make the deal? Probably. Because that's best for me if I'm willing to swallow that pill. + +And that's what you dudes have the choice to do when you get to this point in your journey with a woman you like. You can choose her, but you're going to need to have her take her own redpill. She's going to need to anyways, she's not in the drivers seat anymore. You are. And you'll need to have patience to lead her through that if you want to. + +That's the choice I made with my woman, but it's just one possibility of endgame. + +But I promise you I wouldn't be sitting here today with my woman at home, ready to greet me on her knees, with a perfectly made Old Fashioned in hand serving me when I get home, and one that I especially like. Because she's not a bad deal. + +But if it all goes tits up - OK. Cost of doing business. + +Strength, motherfuckers.",,54,HornsOfApathy,1639615645.0 +marriedredpill,rgq0qq,60 DoD '21 Week 5: Game,"Ah, Game. This is probably everyone's least favorite to do but favorite to talk about. + +You have options for a booster here, as always. Is your rando game on point? Do you engage in light flirting with women you encounter in the wild? Are you keeping the wife on her toes with banter? Remember that Game is about you generating positive feelings in others, particularly the tingles in women. It is perception management, expectation setting, and boundary enforcement all in one. + +See if you can (a) identify your weak points; (b) set up a booster-style program to address the weak points; and (c) actually execute the plan. Hit up our sidebar resources and old PUA material if you must. Report it or it didn't happen.",,13,SorcererKing,1639541098.0 +marriedredpill,rg30pg,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 14, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,15,AutoModerator,1639470613.0 +marriedredpill,rb3xdf,60 DoD Booster '21: Week 4 Style,"This week we're giving our wardrobes a shot in the arm. In many places the weather seems to be swinging wildly back and forth between warm and cold, but for Northern Hemisphere guys we're entering winter soon. This means time to tune our colder weather wardrobe. Do your pants fit well? Enough room in the shoulders for those long-sleeve shirts? What about accessories, like hats, scarves, gloves. Can you make your look more sophisticated with some of these? + +Outerwear is important too. Your coat -- or lack thereof -- really sets your initial impression. The layers underneath need to be coherent with it and thus should reinforce it. + +No need to necessarily spend money for this booster, either. Take a holistic look at your wardrobe and make sure the pieces are working together correctly. Find the pieces that work well together, and make sure you note which ones should *never* go together. Consult the previous 60 DoD posts and internet style guides if you need inspiration or assistance.",,10,SorcererKing,1638898233.0 +marriedredpill,rauhc3,"Own Your Shit Weekly - December 07, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,1638865814.0 +marriedredpill,r8s86o,A Teaser to Frame,"*An excerpt from Rudyard Kipling's poem ""If""* + +>If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster +> +>    And treat those two impostors just the same;    +> +>If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken +> +>    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, +> +>Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, +> +>    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: +> +> +>If you can make one heap of all your winnings +> +>    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, +> +>And lose, and start again at your beginnings +> +>    And never breathe a word about your loss; + + + +I've watched, read, and listened to many of you idiots larp these points for the last year and it's probably time I break some of it down so that a few of you can actually start to unscrew your mentals. + +All of these terms deal with a few fundamental principles. King among them is this: the stalwart acceptance of sacrifice, loss, and negative consequences. + +__Outcome Independence and DNGAF__ + +Somewhere along the lines, you may have come to the nihilistic conclusion of ""nothing matters so I don't care about an outcome."" And that makes sense, because you suck and are stupid. You took the most autistic approach to understanding the term DNGAF, saw a modicum of success and tried to firekeep that success with your facade of indifference. + +We see right through it, *we know you care.* You're a soft little baby with your precious marbles. You're smart enough to know what the Streisand Effect is, and are trying to trick the people around you into not seeing your special thing. You'll think ""Wow, I've hidden it in plain sight!"" but you haven't. This why you seem butthurt. Because it's obvious. You're fake. A poser who can't even own up to his own wants and desires. Here's the kicker: you are not actually supposed to NOT CARE. Not having a goal is the same as not having a mission. DNGAF and mission are not at odds. + +Horns talked about this more or less indirectly with his post on [initiations](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/kxxe5j/initiations_youre_not_that_funny/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) emotionally investing in an outcome is not only okay, but it is a prerequisite to being fully deployed. + +This is when Outcome Independence comes in. With investing there is risk, and when there is risk there is loss. You aren't supposed to act like a baby-back bitch when stuff doesn't work out. Sure, be disappointed. You're allowed to have feelings, you neanderthal. But you are in control - having OI means you are not going to betray yourself or break frame simply because life with all of it's inevitable downs and even further downs happens. + +Let's boil this down. + +If you want to be Outcome Independent, you need to accept loss as it comes and sacrifice as a necessary evil to live a desireble life. Stop complaining about it. No more longing in the rearview mirror. You're moving forward. + +__Mental Point of Origin__ + +Great, so now you've accepted loss and sacrifice. Issue is all these other people. Mom says college is the right path, Dad says go into the trades. Your pot head older brother tells you the block chain will set you free. How do you navigate all these opposing viewpoints? What am I supposed to sacrifice for? What am I willing to lose? + +Doesn't matter, more important is if you take someones advice, everything that follows is *your fault* not theirs. You need to make some serious decisions about what is right and wrong. Then you need to start behaving as such. + +This is the unfortunate part: People will reject you for your decisions. Good, bad or otherwise. Odds are if you are here, those ""People"" is really just your wife. Maybe it's your kids. Lord willing they will come back to you, but maybe not. And that's life, and it sucks so make a gameplan and make the most out of the rubble that's left. + +Developing Mental Point of Origin requires you to make a decision or to hold a belief and stand by the fact it's your own shit in the toilet - not someone elses. Any decision you make is YOUR OWN. Your thoughts, beliefs, views, everything. Those ""heroes"" in your life should be dead, nobody should be more capable of making decisions for you, than you. (Though, many of you seem to be trying to outsource being your own origin on here - to that I'll say if I have to live your life and lead your wife, I get to spend your money, and screw your woman. So DM me your address and bank account information.) + +Many of you are not capable of dealing with the heat the transpires from putting your ego to the flame. And good, most of you have allowed the last 45+ years of your life to be lived at the accordance of other people because you fear rejection. + +And for that you will be rejected. + +“‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."" + +Revelation 3:15‭-‬16 ESV + +Make a fucking decision.",,51,Praexology,1638632489.0 +marriedredpill,r6ofiv,60 DoD Booster '21 Week 3: Hygiene,"Yes, I'm late in getting this up. That should not change the fact that you should be tuning up your hygiene this week. + +There have been good suggestions from years-past about cologne, haircuts, etc. Try getting new soap or a new deodorant for this booster. Something that will subtly change your smell (for the better, obviously). + +Report in OYS to continue to have accountability. I don't know you're participating if you're not OYS posting about it.",,13,SorcererKing,1638390832.0 +marriedredpill,r5iq2j,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 30, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,18,AutoModerator,1638261010.0 +marriedredpill,r16ztm,FR - A Week of Irrational Self-Confidence,"*I know I'm being used, That's okay because I like the abuse,* + +*I know she's playing with me, Thats okay, cause I have no self-esteem.* + +Plow horse, Beta Bux, Taken For granted, Nice Guy. That was me. For a Decade. I did not know those terms, but that is how I acted, and that is how I felt. How is a guy like that supposed to have any sense of self confidence? Real self-confidence, not just Tony Robbins, sugar rush confidence that fades after a few hours. + +We have all read NMMNG. Shit, I read it twice and watched Rian Stones video on it. But I never actually did the BFAs. So, as I am going through OYS, making small realizations and some small steps forward. It was there that I got the suggestions to go back and actually do the BFAs. I did, and right out of the gate something stuck out. I found this common theme in my notes. The theme, that I am wrong. Something about me is ""wrong"". + +I know that is bullshit, and I know it is bad to think that way, but fuck me, I still felt it. I needed to change that. I know enough to know that real change only comes from massive action. I can't journal and meditate my way out of this. I need to act differently. I needed to act ""right"". I decided, for the next week, everything I do will be ""right."" Every decision, every action, every god damn thing I say, pancake I flip, and note on the guitar I play was exactly as I wanted it to be. I didn't make a mistake, I couldn't, because even if someone else thought it was a mistake, I knew, it was exactly what I wanted to do. + +This took effort at first. You know those tricks we use to pass frame tests and shit tests? When I went from thinking I was wrong to thinking I was right, guess who started shit testing me...my own damn brain. Turns out, you can use those same tools on yourself. I wanted to go out at night to see a show at a local coffee shop, my hamster wheel started spinning, ""what about helping with bedtime....you don't really want to go, you are just making excuses to leave the house.....you are going to be 15 years older than everyone there. I used a little AM. Ha! That just my brain trying get me back to Beta Billy mode, that is just how my brain is currently wired, thoughts traveling down well-worn neural pathways. It is time to make some new pathways. I texted a friend, had to convince him too, let's go, it's going to be great. + +Or, when I wanted to flick my wife's perky nipples during sex. I never did that before, but i wanted too. My brain said, no that is wrong to do, that would be weird, who even flicks nipples? I didn't listen to my brain, Told myself to STFU and gave a firm flick to her nipples, sucked her tits and continued fucking her. The key for me with internal STFU, is the 3 second rule. STFU and do it in 3 seconds, do not even give your mind time to overthink it. + +Or a driving example. I ran a red light one time. Everyone else in the car thought I made a mistake. I knew I ran that light, that light never changed so fucking quickly before, it was only yellow for a microsecond. Anyway, I hope a cop does try to pull me over, cue the car chase music....AA'd myself. + +My brain tested myself in the form of self-doubt, once I continued to get passed those, any external shit test was a breeze. But there was more to it than just taking action, and using these tools above. There was also some inner game work, that I needed to do, and still do, along with the action. + +I needed to figure out what self-confidence was, and then take it a step farther to figure out what irrational self-confidence was. More than just ""Do what I want"" and ""I am right"", how did I actually think that and believe it? It started with a few things; 1. The way I spoke to myself or ""my inner voice"", 2. deciding that I like myself, and 3. realizing I can handle the consequences. + +I changed that inner voice to saying and thinking only good things about myself, and then took it a step farther, to saying and thinking only fucking great things about myself. Holy shit I am awesome. I decided that I like myself, exactly as I am and where I am going, then I decided, holy hell I fucking love myself exactly as I am, and as a matter of a fact, why doesn't everyone love themselves like this? Then I realized, if I piss someone off, which I did plenty of, I can handle the consequences. Usually, it is just someone getting mad, maybe yelling at me, I can handle that. If they straight up disrespect me, well that sucks, but I can handle that too, and they can feel free to fuck off (RIP weakandsensitive). + +I started this about 5 weeks ago with the intent of being irrationally self-confident for 1 week. I did it for a week. I loved it. I loved everything about it. I stayed out longer with friends, I laughed more than ever, I went through a months' worth of shit tests in a week. Then I realized I didn't have to pass shit tests if I didn't want to. After a week, I thought fuck it, I am going to keep going. I got laid a bunch, leaned into mountain biking with a group of guys, got a promotion at work, perfected that fat, funky bass line to Superstition. What the fuck, it is not irrational anymore, it is just confidence, maybe some people have it naturally, I had to learn it, either way it does not matter, as long as you have it. + +In the 90s I loved The Offspring, I feel sorry for those suckers now.",,86,Along-The-Reeds,1637765692.0 +marriedredpill,qzyqkj,Stop Blaming Your Kids,"I’ve consumed a lot of the content on MRP and the thing that pisses me off most is when guys blame their kids. If you let a five-year-old stand in the way of what you want, then either you don't really want it or you don't deserve to get it. + + +**Remove the Kids From Your Sexual Strategy** + + +At my lowest point, this was still a hard boundary for me. I don't need elementary school children to be my wingmen. Using them for “dread” is absolute bullshit. My goal with my kids is to give them experiences and blueprints for transitioning into adulthood. I've come to terms that some of my kids may excel, some of them may fuck up, and some of them may be average. That's on them, and I'll be here for guidance. + + +They are people. They're hormonal with undeveloped brains, but they are people with agency and not a tool for you to use to get laid. ""If she sees me be a great dad, she'll go down on me right away."" If you take the kids out and think about what your wife will think, you'll be sorely disappointed. Your kids will probably still have a good time, but good luck with your seething anger and resentment. + + +If you don't stand up for the boundaries you set for your kids because it might stand in the way of getting laid, you've got bigger problems than sex. One of my major boundaries is allowing my kids to have some privacy, regardless of their age. Nothing makes my blood boil more than a mom posting private information about their kid on social media with a caption that describes the child's physical and mental ailments for ""you go girls."" I had one instance of this where I stepped in. My wife posts a picture of the two-year-old and talks about how she (two-year-old) is delayed in one area, but that she's learning so much from a TV show (more on that later). I've told my wife before that we shouldn't be ashamed of anything that the kids are going through, but that it is their choice on whether or not they want to share this info when they are old enough, and not ours. I had to reiterate this a little more bluntly this time. Post was taken down, privacy for the kid remained somewhat intact. Didn't get laid. Didn't care. + + +Don't use your kids to try to get your wife to have sex with you. Don't sacrifice their integrity and agency if it stands in the way of you getting laid. + + +**I Can't Do Things Because I Have Kids** + + +No. You can't do things because you don't want to, you're making excuses, or because you don't have enough money. You may also suck at logistics. + + +""All of my money goes to my kids."" Revaluate your budget, or go make more money. The reality is that there is always money out there. It's not an excuse. + + +""If I go out or leave the house, everything will go to hell/my wife wouldn't be able to handle it/I'd feel guilty."" I had this at first. Some guilt that things would go crazy or that the house would burn down. But you know who never feels guilty about leaving the house? Moms. And you shouldn’t either. Admittedly, I was completely in her frame with this at first, but I quickly got out of it by being consistent and planning some things to look forward to on my own. At least once a week I go out on my own, no guilt, no shame, no extra housework to justify what I want to do. If you haven't done this before, there's a good chance that the kids will be used against you to manipulate you to stay home/do what she wants you to do. Just get through it, avoid answering texts or phone calls unless it's an actual emergency, and enjoy yourself. Out of sight, out of mind. + + +**You Want To Be Your Wife's Kid** + + +I love discovering things and keeping in touch with my youth. Yet, a majority of my issues are being stuck in that limbo between childhood and adulthood. As I mentioned above, chances are if you're here, something was fucked up in your childhood that probably related to your parents. + + +You might be jealous of your kids. They get all of your wife's attention, and you get none. They are praised for taking a shit in the toilet, and you don't even get a thank you for working 80 hours a week. + + +*Iron Rule of Tomassi 6: Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.* + + +The truth is 1. you're competing for the wrong type of attention and love and 2. you shouldn't be competing at all. If you find yourself at the end of the movie ""The Good Son,"" and your wife is holding on to you in one hand and your kid in the other hand, she will drop your ass to your death without hesitation and save your kid. It's what she's wired to do. Stop arguing biology in your head. She doesn't love you that way, she never will, nor should she. + + +You want to feel young? Go lift and eat well and seek out a little adventure. I feel better in my late thirties than I did in my ten years ago. Do you want someone to take care of you? You can probably get that, but don't bitch when the sex dries up. The kids are not your competition. + + +**But My Kids Sleep In My Bed…** + + +This has no bearing on whether or not you'll have sex. You're probably fat or unattractive. Chances are your wife has probably taken care of herself while you were gone and the kids were in another room or even in the crib in your room. + + +You may still be at a stage where your wife is using the kids as an out loud excuse to not have sex with you. Let me translate for you: + +*Her: ""If we have sex now, the kids will hear us."" (You're not attractive, and I probably wouldn't fuck you if the house was empty). + +*You: ""Let's go upstairs."" Her: “Let me get the baby."" (You're not attractive, and your wife is using a human shield to protect herself from your fat ass or her image of your former fat ass). + +*You: “The kids are at grandma's for tonight. We finally have some alone time together."" Her: ""I'm just tired from running around. I'm looking forward to resting tonight and getting to bed early."" (You're not attractive, and even without her human shields, she still doesn't want to fuck you. And, your initiations suck). + + +""If the kids are removed from the bedroom, I'll get more sex."" I do not talk about fight club with my friends, but for new fathers that I talk with, this is hands down the most common covert contract I'm seeing. Now, you can go all out on logistics here and make a grand plan to get the kids out of your bedroom and you getting laid. But you know what? You probably just need to sidebar and lift. + + +Your kids aren’t cockblocking you. You are. They may be speed bumps, but they aren’t roadblocks. + + +**You Don't Have to Spend Every Waking Minute With Them/You Don't Have to Entertain Them** + + +A lot of parents today think they have to have their eyes on their kids every waking moment, or that they have to plan every single part of the day out for them. I'm big on activities for the kids; one of my rules is that the kids have to be in at least one sport/physical activity and one musical/club type activity. These take up some time. But another rule I have is that they have two days a week where nothing is going on. These also happen to be no-screen days. It pisses them off, but they live. I check on them occasionally, but these days are for them to figure out what they want to do for themselves. I then go do my shit, and if they want to help me, great. If not, they read/play/build something/go outside with friends. + +For guys like me that didn't have dads around, you may want to oversteer and make sure you're there for your kids all of the time. Kids can be a part of your world, but not the center of your world. Make most of their events. Spend some of your time with them. I missed an event the other day because I had something else I needed and wanted to do that's been on the calendar for a while. I'll probably make the next event. Other times, I might change my plans to accommodate, or I even plan around the activities and events. There's no script, it just all depends on what is happening at a certain time, where my time is best utilized, and what I can do to honor my word. + + +Summary: Don't make your kids your wingmen. Spend quality time with them if you want to. Otherwise, I'm sure they can find help on this sub in 15-25 years.",,106,[deleted],1637622840.0 +marriedredpill,r08pcl,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 23, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,12,AutoModerator,1637656210.0 +marriedredpill,r0875u,60 DoD '21 Booster Week 2: Diet Boost,"Time to reassess the diet. What are you eating that you shouldn't be? What might you add to your routine that could help? From superfoods to supplements, there are many choices. Check some prior year resources on the sidebar if you lack inspiration. + +This is also a good time to make sure you have a solid plan. The Eating Olympics are on Thursday in the US, so how will you cope with that? Will you exercise some control and stick to your plan? Can you eat more turkey than stuffing? Maybe just steal a bite of pie from your wife rather than have your own piece? Lay off the beers? Tell us in OYS.",,11,SorcererKing,1637654178.0 +marriedredpill,qz6qzm,The Law of Accommodation,"The law of accommodation is: + + the response of a biological organism to a given constant stimulus will decrease over time. + +Thus, accommodation is the decrease in response of your body to a constant continued stimulus. Noise is a good example. People in a city are far more desensitized to the noise than someone from the farm lands of Iowa. + +So, what is training “accommodation”, and why should you avoid it like the plague?  If you don’t then your progress will eventually come to a grinding halt if you don’t recognize and account for it. + +Accommodation to training stress (or any biological stress for that matter) is the follow-on/flip-side to the adaptation process. It’s a normal and expected response from a biological system built purely to survive in a given environment. And that “built to survive” part is the “gotcha” in this whole stress/recovery/compensation game.  If a similar load,  same exercises, range of motion and/or rep tempos are consistently used time after time, day after day, the body soon adapts, then stops making progress altogether. + + Look at it this way. Your past life you did little to alter your day to day. There was zero reason for her to be stressed, worried about you, the relationship. + +On one hand she is comfortable you aren’t going any where and she can do what she wants with little risk. She doesn’t have to put out, dress up, really do anything for you unless she wants to do it. + +At this point any change on your part is going to be meet with resistance. The same as your body fighting the discomfort of training and finally being used the way it was intended. It won’t be easy at first. + +She may say she wants comfort but what she really wants is change, excitement. She needs her environment to be on a steady change. Just as your training needs to be. Nature abhors a vacuum equally as it abhors mediocrity. It sucks to be average. + +There is no threat for her to gather her biological resources against when it’s status quo. She likes that hint of danger. If not The relationship has stalled. And worse than stalling is the potential for backsliding. + +Biology can be a bitch indeed. + +Many powerlifters believe that all you have to do is “grip it and rip it bro"". Just grunt it out like Rambo. but the training isn't that easy. If you want to increase your lifts you will not only need maximum levels of strength, you will need maximum proficiency during your movement. Any wasted movement can result in increased time under tension, increasing the likelihood that you fail the lift. + +Ever wonder why when you failed a comfort test, and you started backsliding why she went after you like a shark goes after seals? Keep failing these, without addressing your weaknesses and Inefficiency creeps in due to the law of accommodation. You must not be afraid in facing your weaknesses. Every day. + +It’s not so much embracing the suck as it is embracing where you’re weak. If you hate doing it odds are it’s what you need to work on. + +if standard exercises and training loads are used over long periods the body adapts to the point where there is no more growth. That bro over there doing bicep curls for the last 2 months has most likely exceeded any benefit. It’s now about pumping up to get a look and nothing about improvement. + +This is why linear progressive programs will only work for so long. This is why using the tool of red pill like an autist idiot is like blasting your way to a 400 deadlift without putting in the proper work upfront. You made it but any growth after will likely stall due to lack of addressing your weaknesses and inefficiencies in movement. + +As a man you are defined by your weaknesses. You can only bench 225? Doesn’t matter you can squat 700, your limitation is what holds you back. Your training needs to focus around removing your weaknesses, while improving your strengths. Your body will be under constant change. Every session something else is happening. Don’t keep relying on the same tools everyday. + +The premise here is that if you can change your body you can change your life. Whatever you are least at that’s where you are stuck at.",,59,ReddJive,1637535496.0 +marriedredpill,qx555f,FR: Spank your wife.,"First, I'm NASTY. + +Not a sex therapist... yet. + +Make sure you have safe words established. This shit is supposed to be safe, sane, and consensual. I use the green/yellow/red stoplight method. + +Ya'll love dynamite. Consider this an expansion of the cheat codes but it doesn't register on the difficulty meter. So if tards are gonna tard go right ahead. + +Even though we're into the 24/7 Big D little s framework, I get nothing out of spanking my wife. She doesn't particularly like it either, at least in the previous context I've done it until now. + +If you read my shit you know I'm all about redirecting some anxiety in women towards things that are beneficial to men. Every woman has anxiety, and when you're a HVM of whatever container word you want to use - the anxiety never really ever goes away. Passive dread is there and there's no way to kill it. Oh well, use it however you want. + +Anyways, so I'm watching this woman being consumed by what I perceive to be just ridiculous shit that has no bearing on the long or short term vision - the dry cleaning not dropped off on time, kids had to eat apples instead of oranges for lunch and they ate apples yesterday, her compact dropped and broke, just... stupid shit. But not to a woman with a HVM. She thinks she's disappointing me. ""I'm so sorry!"" So I'm over here naturally doing more important shit than sitting around listening to how it's going to take 2 days to get a new mirror in and blah dafucking blah. Passive dread kicks in. Double dread because no attention and she's not pleasing me in her mind. + +So I try to apply some comfort later that night just to listen, maybe fogging if I give a shit, and I hear ""I'm about to break."" + +""Then we need to take care of this right now. Bend over my knee. Pull down your pants. Panties too."" No idea why I thought of this, but figured I might as well jump and try something new. + +She complies, I'm sitting down on the couch and move forward to the edge, and she's on all fours bent over my knee. I'm just caressing, then smacking, caress some more. Letting her get those feelz out through my soft slaps. ""I don't like you like this. You need to let it go."" + +Now for those of you who haven't spanked a woman before, there really is an art to it. First, always spank from the bottom of the ass cheek - near the gooch - in the meaty part - and slap UP so it jiggles a bit. Never go too high on the ass. There's not enough cushion there and removes the good tingles of her ass reverberating gently (or not at all if she does alot of squats). Think of how you'd snap a towel at a bro in the lockeroom after you caught him looking at your gigantic balls. *WHIP - but slowly.* Use your palm at first, then move to the fingers. Create a circular motion from the gooch at about a 45 degree angle, bounce the butt cheek towards the center of her asshole, then make a circle at the top and bring it back down below the meaty buttcheek again. + +The next key to a successful spanking is to establish a good rhythm. One-two-three-four. Repeat. Like you're tapping your foot to Jump by Van Halen. That's a good tempo. + +So after I finish the spank she gets up and I realize she's mad. It didn't work, I've redirected the feelz to angry feelz, probably because of the humiliation. Then I see a little tear. And I tell her ""That didn't work, bend over again."" + +Cue Van Halen. + +Except this time she starts to whimper, not because it hurts, but because it's working. I keep going.I should have taken off my ring, it's giving a sting. And then I get a ""STOP!!!""... and I don't. STOP isn't our safeword. It's **red.** Keep singing in my head ""Might as well.... JUMP"" + +Then something odd happens. This little 130lb woman decides she's going to try to fight me and get off my knee and wrestle or some shit, but I'm clearly in a position of dominance. I just hold her down over my knee with what felt like 80% of my strength, she's at 100%, something I've NEVER done before with her.... and then begin to apply comfort..... ""*It's OK, sweetheart. It's OK. I've got you. We're going to take care of this right now. It's OK.*"" Her body goes limp into submission. + +>*And I know, baby, just how you feel* +> +>*You got to roll with the punches and get to what's real* + +I end the spank a verse later, maybe 20 seconds, cuddle up with her, she's crying a lot, not from the pain at all. She's crying from the release. It's all over. Pull her into my chest and bear hug her. + +Rest of the night she's forgotten all about the missed dry cleaning, is cuddling up to me as I watch an episode of WWII in Color, and then we go to bed. We get in bed and I hear something overtly I haven't heard in a very, very long time. + +""That was so fucking hot, Horns."" + +It was the egoless truth.",,175,HornsOfApathy,1637286123.0 +marriedredpill,qv384e,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 16, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,21,AutoModerator,1637051410.0 +marriedredpill,quyl11,60 DoD: Booster Shot '21,"Hello again maggots. + +It has been nearly 6 months since we finished 60 DoD '21. We had good participation this year, including many new guys. Wads of cookie dough began to become carved out of wood, and flair was earned. + +But now it's wearing off, isn't it? You've gotten lazy. The days are short, the weather has a chill in the air, and it's really tempting to snuggle up in front of the ol' TV with a blanket instead of moving heavy, cold, iron. Comfort food warms your fat little insides. A nice whiskey after work to ""take the edge off"" wrecks your motivation and your game. Not ever leaving makes you a known, boring quantity. + +So, we are going to do another cycle. Right before (and straight through) the holidays will be good for you. This volatile time of year is particularly dangerous for guys trying to distinguish their proverbial ass from the proverbial hole in the ground, what with in-laws and parties and *social pressure*. Way I see it, you would do well to refocus your lifting to keep yourself feeling good and making gainz. Way I see it, you would do well to put down that fork, especially as we close on the Eating Olympics here in the US. (Keto Thanksgiving anyone?) Way I see it, you would do well to address your winter wardrobe, your degrading hygiene, your slowly rotting game. How about those career and finance goals for '22? Yes, you need your booster. + +Week 1 starts now. Reply to this post to declare your commitment to yourself. For this week, as in all weeks during this run, you're going to look at your lifting with a ""booster shot"" mentality: what is working, what is not. What is stale and can be replaced with something new? More reps, more sets, more weight? New exercises? Variants of the same old thing? Concretely: pick a lifting celebrity and find something they do that you do not, and integrate that into your routine. Possibilities include Schwarzenegger, The Rock, Steve Cook, Ronnie-Fucking-Coleman (Light Weight Baby!)... or whoever you like. Just try something new FFS. + +The same rules as before will apply. Those who commit publicly and report progress weekly will earn flair. If you already got flair last spring from this, you'll get the coveted **FULLY DREADED '21** flair. I haven't done the math yet to know when this stops. It will end when it ends, so STFU and get lifting.",,21,SorcererKing,1637034252.0 +marriedredpill,qtaocf,Depressed and Anxious Wives: A Slower Approach: Field Report,"I got home from taking my girl out last night and hopped on the MRP subreddit for a bit. I read u/The_Red_Letters report on Depressed and Anxious wives and this immediately resonated with me. However, my approach was closer to a tow rope approach. Maybe not 1000 feet, but there was quite a bit of slack. This is not meant as a rebuttal, companion piece, or even related to u/The_Red_Letters. In fact, it sounds like my approach took much longer than his and that my issue was less severe. I won't get any fake internet points for originality, but I will say that writing all of the below out is helping me from slipping back to where I was. + + +This is field report is written for a very specific person: a guy that was and is working on getting his shit together with an aimless stay-at-home wife, with multiple children. If this applies to you, great. Either way, I'll be looking back at this in a few months during my reviews. **My aim with this field report is to get into the weeds of what I did to improve this situation, specifically in the area of stay-at-home-wives; furthermore, I'm sharing this as another potential option for someone else that might be in a similar position, and to show what it looks like in the process.** Looking back, previous posts and comments from MRP certainly helped me identify the problems, but there wasn't a script to follow for this situation. Horn's post was helpful at identifying it, but I was on my own for this one. + + +**Catalyst** +Several months ago I notice that she's boring, aimless, and drinking. Not a lot, but either a glass of wine or two white claws a night. The majority of her day was aimless; the house was a disaster, and she spent most of her day playing on her phone. She was angry when I came home. On our anniversary, I forced her into a shitty comfort test (which I was too stupid to realize at the time). She told me that she didn't know where she fit in, that she thought she was depressed, she thought about separating, and that she was thinking about seeing a therapist. I think about leaving because I receive no validation from her whatsoever. I make a retarded post on AskMRP. + + +**Before the Catalyst** +Prior to this event, I was fucking up quite a bit, especially on STFU, but things were moving forward. I lifted six days a week, started making more money, had more and better sex, and was genuinely proud of myself. I had a shitload of covert contracts I was still working on, but my trajectory was moving up. I started lifting almost exactly a year ago. at the start of this, I noticed she was not happy. +In those first six months, she got happier as I got happier. Most leads were followed. And then right at the six-month mark, she got depressed and aimless. + + +Problem number one: I went all out. I'm naturally competitive and a little retarded, so I did what the internet told me. ""Owned my shit."" Fixed everything around the house, remodeled the family room, installed a new water heater, handled more family logistics, chores around the house, etc. And there was little left for her to do of value. My girl doesn't like doing housework. You know what she hates even more? Feeling useless. I racked up so many points on that scoreboard that it wasn't even funny. Invited to a family get-together? I made the best dish anyone's ever eaten at a potluck. People automatically assumed she made it and complimented her. She sheepishly had to tell them that I made it. I wouldn't even let her sprinkle the homemade bread crumbs on. I showed her. + + +Problem number two: I compartmentalized my successes and failures. In my head, I only associated others with my failures, not my successes. I thought I had a few options. I could work to internalize this and think about how others were actually involved in my successes, or I could entirely blame myself for everything. I chose to blame myself. + + +I then realized that this was a complete fucking waste of time, so I flushed it from my head, went to bed, and reset the next day to take action. I wouldn't forget how shitty I was, but I was going to focus on the present and future. + + +**What I Wasn't Going To Do** + +I wasn't going to be my wife's therapist. I'm not qualified, and I didn't want to do it. I was prepared to help her find a therapist, but at the suggestion of responses to my retarded AskMRP post, I stayed away from this area. I told her that I would help her find a therapist if she liked, but that if she really wanted to do this, she'd take the lead. She did a few Google searches, but never booked any appointments. + + +I also wasn't going to stop my MAP. Every day since this point, I've been in the best shape of my life, and I'm more equipped than before to be proactive and to handle situations. + + +But what I really needed to do was stop competing. If you have half a brain cell, like I didn't, you've noticed what the center of my work was. Pussy was no longer the mission. Rather, I was on a revenge mission, pummeling someone beyond submission. I realized I was wrong and that I was focusing my energy in the wrong direction. The mental process I went through on this is probably its own field report. For now, I'll move on to the practical approach I took. + + +**Decision Time** + + +1. Not only was I not giving her a chance to add value, I had fostered an environment that was overwhelming at times and boring at other times. I actually had to give a fuck, but change the direction in where my fuck went. I thought I had the answers for her, but she sure as hell wasn't listening to her loser husband at that point. I would have to walk the walk first if I had any business trying to lead someone else. That is, if I wanted to. The second issue was that I had to decide... +2. Did I give a shit about her? I wasn't sure of the answer to this question. This was at the time of my biggest anger stage and where I was only taking some responsibility for my actions. At the time, I thought that I didn't give a shit. I blamed her for hanging on to my past self. She couldn't see how great I was. First issue, yes, she was hanging on to that, and two, I wasn't that great. + +But, I accepted that this was my responsibility. And someone reading this may say, ""it's not your responsibility to fix someone else,"" but you know what? Fuck you. I didn't have an end goal of ""fixing her,"" but I knew that I had failed by either dragging her here, not leading her correctly, or both. Whether I liked her or not, whether I stayed or left, she would always be the mother of my kids and they deserved to have two competent parents. I was at least going to make an effort to right my wrongs, regardless of whether or not that meant that the marriage continued. +**Providing Opportunities for Value: ""Choreplay"" With a Plan** + +Some time passes. Nothing changes, but I calm down. One day, I had a thought. ""What if she became my assistant?"" I deemed this thought extremely retarded. I didn't know why at the time, but I'm sure it had something to do with prize mentality, and I knew there was a covert contract in there. But this thought kept coming back to me. I had a few projects that I was starting yet not enough time in the day to focus on them. I would certainly complete these projects, but it was going to take some time, and I might have to hire some freelancers to help with some of the grunt tasks. I upgraded this thought to ""kind of retarded,"" and kept it in the back of my pocket. I then decided to start with...housework. + + +The house was never truly clean unless I cleaned it. Some of it was that she just didn't know how to manage so much, while a lot of was just silent shit tests. At five children, I probably have more kids than most guys in this subreddit. Managing the household requires quite a bit of proactive approaches and management of logistics. I actually enjoyed doing this; partly because I could listen to some audiobooks and podcasts while doing mindless tasks, and the other part because of all of that validation that came with being a superman. Kill it at work, and kill it at home. + + +My first step was removing myself as the oldest child in the house. The MAP/script was helping me to accomplish this. The second step in this was to literally treat her like the kids when it came to chores and responsibility. I went overt here and told her that I didn't expect her to pick up after me and that I won't be picking up after her. The first night, I load the dishwasher. She left her shit out on the table. I didn't pick it up, it didn't get washed. I survived the dirty look and excuses. She started picking more of her shit up. There are a hundred other examples of this that I don't need to list. + + +Lots of improvement here, which led me to my next action. Start refocusing where my energy is used best, stop doing so much shit at home, and start leading. My leadership approach was to: A. competently complete the tasks for a few weeks, B. invite her and the kids to help me with the task, C. hand off some or all of the task to her or the kids while I focused my energy where I am best utilized and D. review/evaluate the situation. This always worked great at work; I was just too retarded to transfer it at home until this point. + + +Example: my wife talked for years about doing meal planning because this would make things easier. I absolutely love cooking and trying new dishes, but was often flying by the seat of my pants each day in terms of what we should do for dinner. Followed the leadership approach above, and cut my work in half. I didn't want to give up all of the cooking because I enjoyed it so much, so I went from cooking four times a week to two times a week. I said ""thank you"" or ""I appreciate what you do"" for every task she took on. A lot of eye-rolling at first, but also less aimless wandering and finger-fucking her phone every day. I then used this method or small variations of it for all of the common household tasks with success. I started to notice that things were a little better. A little more talking on her end, and I wasn't dreading walking into the house as much. This went on for a couple of months. + + +**Praise** + + +When I finally got to a point where my validation mattered to her, I had to understand the weight of my words. Sometimes, she cooked, and it was great. A few times, it sucked. For those few times, she was upset and asked ""do you like it? I messed up a part of it and overcooked some of it."" And you know what? That was an understatement. It was awful. So I told *a* truth. Me: ""I appreciate how hard you worked on this. Thanks for taking care of this."" Her: ""But it's so overcooked."" Me: ""It's not like those recipe sites make it easy on anyone. I get the entire life story of the cow that the meat came from, and just a few directions on how to actually make it. You and I should make a recipe site that requires no backstories and no guessing. "" We both know that it sucks, and we both know that each other knows, but my focus was on encouraging her to continue cooking and trying new things. It was also a little accidental team-building/us against the world on my part. + + +Now, cooking and cleaning only got so far. This is a girl that was told by her dad since she was younger that she ""didn't need no man,"" but that didn't really grow up having to do many ""traditional female"" chores. I noticed a small amount of resentment starting to sneak up. My idea of having her as an assistant came back to me again. But I didn't want to put someone in a role that I wasn't sure if they were ready for. So, I decided to a push a little. +**Introduction to a System/Increasing Opportunities for Value** + +I have a total hard-on for my to-do list system. It's got labels, actions, projects, and all sorts of organizational aspects that allow me to do and not think so much. It also has the ability to share with other users or teams. I've told my wife before in the past that she might like to use this system. Immediate shut down, and went back to her shitty system that didn't work. This time, I tried a different approach. One Monday morning, I emailed her. Me: ""I have a few tasks that I need to get done. I'll get them done this week, but if they're done earlier, I'm not going to complain. No pressure, but I'm going to share the list with you. Let me know if you need any help deciphering any of the labels."" The list included small to medium tasks. Nothing crazy that would make anyone feel bad if they failed. I never got a response to the email, but in two days, everything was cleared on the list, and I was asked to check on a few items. I heaped on the praise. Everything was done well and on time. I used the free time to run some other errands and then take her out to dinner as a thank you. + + +I followed this pattern for a few more months. I noticed that she started to abandon her post-its, use the system I showed her, and develop a clearer direction for what she wanted to do each day. + + +Things were slowly getting better. She started talking more, drinking less, and seemed calmer most of the time. Some silent shit tests were popping up. I gave her more important tasks, but failed to notice that she was skirting responsibility on some of her share of the housework. Once I noticed, I just had to speak up. Some shitty looks and a little banging of pots and pans as she put them away, but I'm sure the excitement was better than the boredom. + + +**Transitioning to a Team** + +If I were to be less wordy about all of this, I could sum it up as saying that I provided a path for my wife to go from competitor to follower to teammate, and that I ended up liking her. But that's not me, so here's more. + + +A huge opportunity fell into my lap one day. One of my side projects directly involved in my mission gained some ground and I got called out of the blue to speak on this project. I started doing what I normally did; scheduled time, set goals, set action items to get to the goals, etc. And then I thought again, ""what if she became my assistant?"" So, I went home, set up some logistics so the kids wouldn't bother us. I told her about the opportunity. I then told her that I really wanted to focus on the content and delivery, and that I needed some help with the logistics. Now maybe it was the money involved, or maybe she was particularly bored that day; doesn't matter. This was the happiest I had seen this woman in months. I focused on my strengths. She booked flights, hotels, meals, schedules, and handled all correspondence with the event organizers. I just had to plan my content and pick out her clothes. The day of the event, she was nervous. I told her that I knew how hard she worked on this, and that I wouldn't have asked someone to do this that I didn't trust. I had the easiest time with my first event in this area, and she had an opportunity to add value to both of our lives. + + +One month later, I mentioned casually that I wanted a website. ""I could help you."" This woman stayed up and learned website design and some simple coding, and knocked out a website for me. I've noticed that she is now starting to have more agency and even working on some projects of her own. + + +I invited her into my mission. It's still my mission, and I can do it without her; she just happens to help me get there quicker. + +&#x200B; + +**Present** +Last night: we're sitting at dinner, enjoying ourselves, making fun of other people together, and talking over some future plans. At one point, a family sits down near us, but then requests to get their table changed. My wife makes the joke that ""they were intimidated because we were just too hot to sit by."" I'm in an epic shit test; if I wanted the validation from her, this is as good as it gets. We're laughing like never before, and I'm genuinely enjoying my time. Is this an arrival point? Definitely not; rather, it's just another day. + + +**Short Version** + +* I'm not claiming to cure depression. +* I stopped punishing my wife for my faults. +* I chose to guide her to actions that added value to both of our lives. +* I developed a mission that wasn't her and later included her in this mission. +* Aimless men create aimless women. +* Things are better. +* It took about a year with the way that I did it, with six months of focused work.",,75,[deleted],1636839207.0 +marriedredpill,qseq8g,Depressed and Anxious Wives: Field Report.,"I’ve never gotten into a lot of detail on the specifics of my experience in my OYS posts because it wasn’t necessary in order for me to make progress. That’s the beauty of this place. No matter how unique you think your situation is the recipe to fix it is basically the same. Lift, read the sidebar, post your goals and progress, swap notes and repeat. At this point though I think there’s some value to be had in consolidating my experience into a post. If not for you, then at least for me. + +There’s nothing terribly special here. It’s just the practical specifics of how I applied the theory to my life. + +**The situation** + +I originally started posting here because my wife was depressed as hell. Only getting out of bed for an hour a day sometimes. At the peak she was even briefly hospitalized for her depression. A depression that I would come to find out was **all my fault.** + +During this depressive episode I did what most guys do, I tried to fix it. I tried to fix her. I did this by following my wife's lead. Listening to her complaints and trying to address them all. I'm sure these issues would be familiar to guys here. Housework, money, me working to much etc. Every time I would address an issue a new one would pop up and the situation would stay the same or get worse. Those were symptoms, I was the issue. Those were shit tests and I was consistently failing. + +**How I caused it** + +A turning point in my understanding came when I found u/HornsOfApathy ‘s [Depressed and Anxious Wives](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/asqi8r/depressive_and_anxious_wives_how_its_all_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)series. At first I didn't understand, but after reading a few times and reflecting in my OYS it finally clicked. How could this be all my fault? Well, here's how: + +My nice guy attitudes built a hell and my first officer followed me into it. + +**I was not honest.** When I have the energy I genuinely love giving. I get a deep satisfaction from cooking for people, giving them my focused attention or doing a favour for a friend or loved one. The catch is, when I’m tired out and reach my limit of these gifts, I need to stop. If I keep going, those exact same actions make me resentful and bitter. My woman, like all women, could sense my hidden resentfulness in an instant. She could tell I wasn't congruent in many of my gifts. + +Because I often said yes when I meant no, and she could sense it, eventually I lost all credibility and my word meant nothing. My wife spent a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to figure out what I really meant and avoid my resentment because I wouldn't be honest. As she fell into a depression I placated her requests no matter how far over my line they were. + +When you’re in an abyss you need a wall to bump up against. Every time I capitulated I move the wall out of grasp. Worse, I was working my ass off to move walls. I kept moving the walls and oscillated between being kind and resentful. She in turn filled the container I’d created and doubted herself to no end. Her confidence dropped to nothing, her anxiety skyrocketed. I said yes because I wanted to make her happy when an honest no is what she wanted. An honest no is always better than a resentful, incongruent yes. + +**How I fixed it** + +I became the wall in the abyss. + +Around this time I was reaching a true level of DNGAF. I think this was key in helping me become more honest. I was being a nice guy before because I was afraid of the consequences of asserting myself. As I gave less of a fuck I was more free to tell the truth and let the chips fall however they may. The next shit test that came up I passed almost by accident. It was about the same old stuff and ended with a vague threat of us ""not working."" I listened, then said ""That's okay, but I'm not changing anymore."" + +Normally this would probably be a 1000 foot rope situation. Make the change, shut the fuck up and work through the slack. This was at a crisis point though so I decided to be more overt. I levelled with her. I said ""listen, I know you feel like you can’t trust me. I’ve made it that way by not being honest about my wants, needs and limits. I’m changing that starting today. You can trust me."" I knew from her reaction I’d hit on the exact issue at the core of her depression. + +I made sure that the next time she asked for something I didn’t want to do I said ""No."" **This is absolutely key.** If I undermined myself after levelling all credibility is lost. + +Then the next time she needed me for something that I was happy to do I said yes. I watched her reaction and saw the anxiety as she doubted my congruence. I pointed to my past ""no"" and said ""I will tell you when I don’t want to, remember. I’m not afraid of you. You can trust me."" + +I repeated this process a few times and saw the anxiety start to leave. I knew I could move to simple yes or no’s here unless I saw the anxiety return. The no's are equally important, if not more, than the yes's. + +**My Takaway** + +I don’t want to focus too much on my wife here because this was my issues, and my action changed it. That said I cannot stress enough how dramatic the change has been. My lack of congruence was tearing this woman apart. The negative effects were profound. She has gone from barely functioning to fun bubbly and happy. She can now enjoy my gifts of time and attention fully because they are real and true. That’s obvious now because it’s been tested and passed. + +The change I made was simple but not easy. All it took was becoming honest and congruent. But becoming that meant rewiring my brain and updating my mental models from the ground up. + +**My congruence is her mental health.** + +The way of the superior man taught me the good and bad news. The bad news your excellent track record means nothing to your woman. The good news; your terrible track record means just as little. + +Rapid change is possible. +Consistency is key motherfuckers.",,103,The_Red_Letters,1636733983.0 +marriedredpill,qq60zw,Why field reports are important.,"The field report, the most important part of this place, aside from actions. I'm writing this because I learned it, and others are having trouble — or seem to be — and I've always thought of this place as take a penny, leave a penny. Here's my 0.02 + +#####Why write a field report? + +The main reason is because writing and thinking act in synergy. My brain handwaves a lot of details away and offers me the feeling of completion. I can think and meditate and ponder and navel gaze all day and still not understand things any clearer. Writing makes it permanent, it removes my ego from the equation. There's a reason Roissy was considered one of the 3 guys who epitomize red pill, it's because he was talking to himself through his blog. Notice he didn't put his height and weight, he didn't put his girls age, his lifts or any of that in his posts, he put the things he did into writing. + +You can't bullshit yourself when you write it down. Well you can, I did, others did; but it's obvious to anyone reading it that it's bullshit. Details that are important are missing, details that are insignificant are done with amazing detail. The protagonist in a field report is representative of who is wearing the pants, or who has the frame in whatever happened. This is why the mod team are adamant about I statements and she statements. It's because defining my thoughts through the I pronoun forces me to think about things from my perspective. The she pronoun is reactive, supplicative, validation seeking. Most guys miss the point, and thats ok. Long as they get there they get there. I got there and I ain't special, I'm sure others will eventually. + +Then again, how many guys have I seen here that don't get it. [Alpha As Wolf](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/40j5c5/the_alpha_chihuahua_a_retrospective/), that Will88 guy, the [husband of vampiresquid](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3spbff/wife_needing_advice/cwzrj20/?context=10000), [trudatness](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4trngp/i_disowned_my_daughter_and_after_receiving_300/), and a hundred other names no one has ever heard of. They all have their stuff up here, and all made the same mistakes. They didn't focus on themselves, ignored the idea of [rational egoism](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4duudk/why_youre_lost/). I don't know why, maybe they love their wives and daughters so much that they refuse to let go of the obvious covert contract: *If i do the right things, say the right things, then my family will love me and I'll have a problem free life.* + +Basic Glover. It's funny how there's almost 15 years of material on the redpill, from how to cheat to how to divorce well. From coming back from the brink of death to overcoming a drug addiction. From the 10 yard line of a suicide touchdown to Chad coming here because he can't brag about his exploits anywhere else. Still, the #1 thing guys cannot seem to internalize is the first book, first chapter on the sidebar. + +I think a part of it is a misuse of the field reports. There's a reason whinemoreplease used to say it was the only part of these subreddits worth a damn, and I agree ... if it's used correctly. When I would write mine, it was past tense. I chose an end state I wanted, took what I learned and applied it in achieving that end state. I don't want to suggest I was switched on and figured it out early, I'd say it was mostly luck, back then there wasn't a roadmap to go with other than Athol Kay, and that wasn't exactly inspiring. My second field report was OK, and I remember whinemoreplease asked me + + *""so you knew this was useless, why even bother to write it?""* +**My response was:** + *""Everything's already done, I'm not looking for advice. If it's beneficial, take it as a roadmap, if it was bad, a cautionary tale.""* + +The point was that it wasn't me seeking validation, I wasn't trying to brag about some alpha brah shit ... I wrote it down so I could see what I've done, and if my ego was hiding the obvious from me. I can think I'm awesome all fucking day, but when writing it down I can't polish a turd. After reading through hundreds of these field reports I've come to realize I was fairly quick, by MRP standards. I think 6 months, less than a year. I went hard, some would argue Rambo, but it worked for me. Could I have done it differently? Sure. I could have done it in a way that wasn't so jarring to my woman? I think that would be why it wouldn't have worked though. I was mad at the time, the military was my zero'ing out, and my only focus was on a expedient and profitable release (which they were) and to put myself into a position never to be taken advantage of or for granted again. Her feelings were secondary. I'm pretty [sure I did have to be an asshole](https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/94436/yes_virginia_you_do_have_to_be_an_asshole). + +I was stubborn, self reflective and I wrote down a lot. when they boys here added me as a Mod, I saw their chit chat over it. /u/UeMcgil noticed that I wrote more stuff in here than anyone else, which flattered me. I wrote things down when I had something to reflect on, and it turns out you can remove childhood issues, codependent behavior, covert contracts and nice guy behavior after a lot of self reflection and action ... fast or slow. + +My favorite MAP on here was /u/the_litz. [It was 2 years of CSPAN level field reports](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/45wkr2/fr_the_main_event/). Boring, often misguided, a lot of mistakes, but always forward progress. If you're one of those guys (and most of you likely are) who have been doing this for a year and still have the same problems a brand new poster have, I suggest you go through his posting history, like a fucking school marm homework assignment. Because a simple statement like this: + +> The MRP tools gave me the courage to tell her, straight up in a calm and measured tone, ' I don't need you, I choose to have you in my life, you can stay, or go. Makes no difference to me' + +And realize this isn't repeating some catchy MRP talking point, or saying the right things to get the bros online to give him an attaboy. It's a guy who went from codependent pussy to a man with a mental point of origin in two years I believe. It wasn't a line, it was a description of reality. I wish I could put him into a box and wrap it with a bow beacuse I could give it to men for Christmas and retire a multi-millionaire, but I can't. No one can give that to anyone, a man has to take it for himself. I took it, Litz took it, so many other guys don't want to take it. All the 'lift fagget' and 'stop being a bitch' and 'I feel your pain' can't change that. + +I wrote this hoping I would be able to articulate why guys spin their wheels and get into ruts; ruts in marriage, ruts in MRP, ruts in life, etc. I still don't have an answer, other than they probably aren't thinking, are too attached to the comfortable things in their life (including wives and kids) and would rather be 'doing something, anything' than actually doing what is hard, but effective. There's no endorphins that come with Litz telling his wife she doesn't have a place in his new life. There's no dopamine with demoting your wife to plate. there's no rush when you realize that you married a dud. the Marriedredpill is like the marshmallow experiment, and everyone refuses to wait for the second marshmallow. I don't think it's fixable either. When this place was 5k members everyone was switched on, the good guys made progress and the piss poor guys were shown the door. there's 41k members now and the regression to the mean is real. + +I think I have a way to articulate it. Most guys are meant to be fodder for the herd, a few are meant to succeed in the ways that matter. A small amount of the latter had the bad fortune of being put into a situation where they ended up being fodder. For those small section of men, this place has value. I suppose the best way ahead is to come up with a system to keep the groups separated because if there's one thing I know, **it's to avoid the unhappy and the unlucky.** + +#####How to write a field report + +1. Make it past tense. Do something, then reflect on how it could have been done on the field reports +2. Start with the goal. It does you no favors the brain dump your bullshit onto a post then ask 'did I Redpill right?' +3. If you don't see the answer in your post once you've written the last word of it, you're not reflecting well. +4. If you're not the protagonist to your own life story, you're the antagonist. Act accordingly +5. The guys who do the best the fastest take their wife out of the equation early. She's dead to you, fix yourself and then let her worry about winning you back +6. Seeking approval from this place is like asking the mentally handicapped to give you accolades for your calculus skills +7. The books on the sidebar are actually important. You only fuck yourself over by not just reading them, but understanding what they are there to accomplish +8. New posters put their lifts onto posts to show they are worth the time of day to help them as they get started. After a year, people know whether you are worth a damn or not. +9. Personal note: being OCD about reading stuff in here pays off. There are only maybe 6 different types of guys in here, and they all have the same types of problems. Read enough and it's like you're able to predict the future +10. Top 10 lists are gay.",,62,RStonePT,1636471508.0 +marriedredpill,qq93ht,Field Report – Debrief after a Conversation with Horns,"I posted the following on OYS today: + +https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qpzab0/own_your_shit_weekly_november_09_2021/hjxbevw/ + +Horns granted me the gift of his time today, dissecting the conversation from this OYS and provided a potential path forward that I know is there, but have not had the balls to pursue. For better or worse, the advice I received today, put onto this forum by Horns himself, would be a less funny version of watching the noobs play with his MRP Cheat Codes to Blow Up Your Sex Life. Instead, I will distill the advice myself, as a thank you to Horns and with the hope that men can use these notes (and my understanding of Horns’ conversation with me) to better your lives and relationship. + +In the beginning, you are just glad that you can STFU, and that leads to the hamster running like it does, and that gets your dick wet a bit, or a lot. And then you get past that point and you actually start valuing yourself and becoming your own mental point of origin. During this time, recognition of shit tests becomes kind of fun for a while. You feel like Neo in the Matrix, you see your wife’s emotions, projections, solipsistic tendencies from a mile away. And at first these things were like a 98 mph fastball and then they become more akin to a whiffle ball on a tee. And these are fun to hit out of the park and watch the hamster run, and watch your dick gets sucked while the hamster is in fucking overdrive. + +And it is really fun 10 times and quite fun another 10 times and fun another 10 times and then kinda fun and then you realize you are playing a game you don’t fucking want to play. You don’t want the fucking batshit crazy lunacy of a woman who doesn’t know her place in your life or how to keep you or what to do to enter into the submissive mode she has wanted her entire life but has instead had to put up boundaries against due to your inability to be a fucking man for years, not to mention all the other shit that forces a woman to default to cunty harpy mode. + +So you realize the game isn’t fun, regardless of how much you are getting your dick sucked. You realize that getting your dick sucked isn’t worth it, because it isn’t the fucking endgame. It never was. The inability to get your dick wet was just a symptom of what was actually wrong, which is you. And when you get far enough in fixing you, you understand that getting to the point where your wife will be fucking crazy but will also suck your dick is not what you actually want in life. That the wet dick isn’t just not the end game, but it isn’t even worth it. You don’t need to deal with this shit. That you can get your dick sucked without having to deal with a crazy wife who doesn’t know how to be submissive, or add value, or not be fucking crazy. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze. And not only that, you get fucking angry because you know that neither of you need to be playing this game. Because you have a vision, you have the competence, and you have the abundance to not deal with it. And you realize deep down that your kids will be OK, you will be ok, and in fact, things will probably be a lot better than OK, because you can handle all your shit just fine, get your dick wet just fine, be a great dad just fine, without playing the fucking game. And when you get to that point, and you get angry enough about it that none of the logistical shit matters; not the kids, not the wife, and not the current pussy that you are getting. + +And that. That is when you can look your wife in the eye after she comes home crying that she can’t handle it anymore [just a mere fucking hour after Horns gifts you the balls you weren’t quite sure you had yourself] and asks, “do you love me?” And you can answer her with absolute conviction, and maybe just a hint (or more) of anger, and give her the first genuine thing you’ve probably ever given anybody since you started on MRP. And for me, that was simply telling my wife: “I do love you. But what I need in my life is a woman that can be vulnerable. To be herself with me without fear of reprisal or judgment. And I will have that in my life. And if that isn’t with you, that is OK. Because I don’t need you. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I want to kick life’s ass with you by my side. I’ve chosen you. And I’ve done that because I know you are capable of being for me what I need. I know you think you don’t know how to do that because your whole life you’ve dealt with the bullshit from everyone that made those walls come up and that fear of giving in too much. But I know you have it in you. And if you don’t, that is OK because the vision I have for my life will be realized, with or without you. Do you want in?” + +For the vets, I don’t think I need to write down what the reaction to this speech was. In some ways, it doesn’t even matter. But the OYS 1-10 guys would be pumped to hear it.",,26,AlphalfaSprout,1636480071.0 +marriedredpill,qpzab0,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 09, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,19,AutoModerator,1636446611.0 +marriedredpill,qo7jta,"Field Report: Horn's Cheat Codes: Dom 2 Beg, Var Beg 15","Stats: late thirties, 6’, 182 lbs, BF 17% (calipers). Married. Multiple children. Weights on track. + +&#x200B; + +**Field Report: Horn's Cheat Codes: Dominance 2, beginner; Variety 15, beginner.** + +&#x200B; + +I was called out in a recent [OYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qkzq1y/comment/hizvy4o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) for being afraid to go all in on [Horn's Cheat Codes](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/pymw1k/hornsofapathys_mrp_cheat_codes_to_blow_up_your/). I have a lot of people in my career field that constantly throw validation and praise my way. In this space, having the tools/practices available and being called on my bullshit and fear was one of the greatest gifts I received. + +&#x200B; + +I hamstered over and over on Tuesday and Wednesday, letting my fear take over me. On Thursday, I was able to channel that fear into anger/aggressive energy. In words that I have trouble putting down, it literally felt like energy was just pulsing out of me from my core. Maybe my balls dropped, or maybe I was just built up. But this energy was absolutely present. I got in my car to leave work. After a few minutes, I pulled over, and sent a text. ""I'm running some errands after work. I want you on your knees tonight, wearing those multicolored yoga pants with your hair up."" + +&#x200B; + +When I got home, it was a typical after work/after school situation. Kids are getting off of the bus, younger kids are either napping or yapping, and my wife is doing a few small tasks for our businesses. Some small talk, but I had a few things I needed to get done. Not to get too stereotypical alpha here, but there was a sense in me that I needed to let this build up even more. + +&#x200B; + +Activities, dinner, etc. 8pm hits, and it's the older fours' bedtime. We get them tucked in. The two-year-old stays up for about another hour, so I go downstairs and make her a snack plate and put on her favorite show. My wife then comes downstairs, and starts to make herself some popcorn and pour a glass of wine. Up until this point, I've only hard initiated for sex after 11pm. That was my initial plan; go up to bed later, tell her to put the pants on, and blow me. At this point, I didn't want to wait anymore. + +&#x200B; + +Now, I don't you don't give a shit about my wife, nor should you, but she's a typical SAHM. At night, it's wine-o-clock with some sort of snack that she looks forward to. She's very fit, but she has a hard boundary about people taking her food. She does not share snacks with the kids, me, anyone. So she sits down with her wine and popcorn and starts studying a text for a project she's involved in. And she's eating this bag of Smartpop one. piece. at. a. time. But I'm at the point where I'm near bursting at my seams. And I asked myself, ""are you such a pussy that you're going to let a bag of popcorn stand in the way?"" It's 8:30pm. I was done waiting. + +&#x200B; + +So, I went all in. I took her bag of popcorn. And I stood right over her, stared her down, and ate the whole damn bag without saying a word and without ever taking my eyes away from her. [And I just mentally pushed myself into her as hard as I possibly could.](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gq2d5d/when_was_the_last_time_you_fucked_your_woman/) I don't have any words for how this works, I just did it. I then told her to stand up, and then I carried her upstairs into the bedroom. Locked the door. I didn't want her on her knees anymore. I bent her over the bed, ripped her pants off, and took what I wanted and gave her what she needed. Didn't say a word besides ""stand up."" + +&#x200B; + +Prior to this day, I've had awful experiences with not lasting long. I've used sprays and creams, trying some of the David Deida breathing exercises, adjusting angles, switching positions, anything to get a few extra seconds, but I usually just get worked up about performance anxiety and finish in minutes or even seconds. In this instance, for the first time in a while, I had to make an effort to finish. I'm going to say the word ""energy"" again to rival the ""she"" statements, but this was on another level. I was both in that moment yet outside of all of the bullshit in my head. For a minute, I even thought about not finishing after her orgasm but changed my mind. Afterward, provided some aftercare, and told her to come downstairs and watch a movie with me. The response was an ""OK"" in the sweetest, girliest voice I've heard in a while. I should have then told her to make us some popcorn, but didn’t think of that until later. Reset the next day. Today, she's wearing the yoga pants I told her to wear on Thursday. + +&#x200B; + +I could end this report by saying ""Don't care, got popcorn,"" but in reality, I had some fear that could only be encountered with action. It could have happened a lot sooner. And I realized any road blocks are bullshit. *Normally* sex wasn't happening until after 11pm...until it did. *Normally* she cared about the kids hearing us...until she didn't. Regardless of the outcome, I got better, and I'm standing in my own way a little bit less.",,49,[deleted],1636227432.0 +marriedredpill,qkzq1y,"Own Your Shit Weekly - November 02, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,17,AutoModerator,1635841818.0 +marriedredpill,qignby,Weak Things Break,"Whenever I get the urge to read through OYS or the AMRP sub, I inevitably find the post where a guy puts some version of ""I tweaked my back/arm/leg/ or any other extremity"" so I am going to take time off from this lift or that lift. I have only one thought. + +This guy’s ego is in the way. Weak things break afterall. + +There is a difference between discomfort and pain. While everyone’s tolerance for pain is different, your ego can and does get in the way. Failing a lift can be ego damaging. In my last meet couple weeks ago I failed my third deadlift. I just gassed out. Immediately as I walked off the platform my ego started in. It was giving me all the reasons why I didn’t get it. I knew the real reason. My work capacity sucks. It was a 12 hour day at the meet and by the end I was just done. I even remember my coach poking me in the chest and saying exactly what I knew. Then he added. “We’ll fix it by March.” Side note: he's lived up to that promise. + +So check yourself. Make sure your ego isn’t talking. Did you really try to make a 285 deadlift and fail or is it really pain from damage or is just a minor injury you can work through and around? Did you listen your ego and have an excuse for a failed progression in your lifts and marked it as “I hurt myself”. Your injuries can tell you a lot where you are weak. Where you need to improve. She turn you down again? Where was your failure? What were your weak points during the day or days leading to this moment? + +Or was it just that she’s low libido? + +Weak things break. + +This is the same mindset that lets you walk off the gym floor because your man parts hurt is what another guy will write about how he was turned down for sex then asks about monk mode. Should he go and pout in the corner? Honestly, it’s not his fault. His wife is just a pain in the ass, she’s a feminist anyhow, or never had a father figure...insert any reason here. He just needs to take a week or two and go back to reading all the books again. He should get focused and stop thinking about sex all the time. + +Guys like this think up every reason except for what will fix the issue. Instead of getting back into the mix and working through the discomfort. Train through the injury. Learn from it, improve your weaknesses, develop an action plan. Then hit it and get it. But…. + +Weak things break. + +I firmly believe in training through injuries. Sure some jagweed is going to lecture me on being healthy blah blah blah. Here’s a protein bar and STFU. Here’s the thing. Only YOU can judge if the injury is that bad. If it is that bad then you had better have an action plan to address it. If it is pain a doc/PT should be involved. That’s how I really know. Where they just say…injured like they hung up a gone fishin’ sign. + +You can see through my post history of injuries I have sustained in training and ways I have pushed through to continue competing and meeting goals. This is no different than anything else. No one cares about your injuries. u/HornsofApathy isn’t going to come to your house and kiss you lower back to make it better. u/RStonePT isn’t going to mail you magic fairy dust and make it all go away. No one cares. + +Weak. Things. Break. + +So get over your ego. Don’t let anything stop from achieving what it is you want. You can sit here in the dirt crying about how much she is a bitch, your back hurts, your family busts your balls, how the world is just against men. + +Or you can realize it was your fault all along. Your ego lead you here. You let it. You listened to them say you couldn’t and you didn’t. You fulfilled the prophesy. + +It’s not fuck them. It’s Fuck you. + +Fuck you for listening. + +Fuck you for letting all these things in your life happen, for giving up on yourself. + +And fuck that bar. Are you going to let it prove to you that weak things break? + +Or are you going to lift that mother fucker? Trust me. You can lift it.",,59,ReddJive,1635524891.0 +marriedredpill,qg1wav,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 26, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,20,AutoModerator,1635237017.0 +marriedredpill,qfrxak,Who Am I? What Am I?,"This is another hack/field report mashup. I'm sharing as a gift because it has seriously helped me on several occasions, and I frequently find in reading OYSes and comments other men here who might profit from it. + +*""Who am I?"" ""What am I?""* + +If you're here, you've been asking yourself this with increasing urgency, or you you soon will. + +When you see the matrix, you feel a sense of loss ... of status, of identity, of self. The loss is certainly angering for most of us for awhile. You've invested so much time and effort in making yourself appear a certain way (good dad, husband, productive member of society, etc.) in the matrix, but it all means jack shit in absolute reality. You're angry at lost time and effort. + +But, at least you now know and can do something about it. So, you feel liberated and invigorated. You're a blank canvas now! What shall you paint? + +You start putting sketches down. Some are really cool and fun. Others are kind of crude imitations of things you've seen. + +But you feel a bit fake in all of them ... like you're LARPing with this ""new"" self you're authoring into existence. What is this feeling? Is it incongruity? Inauthenticity? Well, if all I've ever been is the lie of the matrix that I've rejected, what am I incongruent *with*? What is the *authentic* me? + +These are maddening fucking questions. So, you turn here to MRP, only to be met with token responses of ""be congruent"", ""calibrate"", ""keep looking"", ""stop LARPing"", ""stop lying to yourself"" etc. No one dismisses the importance of the questions, but no one really has any actionable advice or answers other than to persist. + +Why? + +I don't know. What I know for myself is that these maddening questions are also the threshold to the most centering and invigorating forces in my life. When I probe them and work with them, it teases out all of the joys and challenges in my life. Every pain is a bit sharper, every sweet is a bit sweeter, every color is a bit more vivid. Life kind of pops. + +I've had episodes of this in life before and during my MRP journey, and prior to my MRP journey I always thought they were chance encounters where some unknown cause would trigger them and I could ride the wave as long as they'd last, if I could be so lucky. But during my first winter of MRP, and studying some of the psychological theories on which some of the sidebar materials were built, I did find a hack I have used with varying degrees of success to return me to this. Last week I had the occasion to do it and it reminded of the gift it is in my life, which I'm sharing now. + +The hack is a simple meditation loop. To do it, get a piece of paper. You're going to write three questions. At the top, write question A: ""What am I?"" About one-third of the way down, write question B: ""What more am I that is not (A)?"" And about two-thirds of the way down, write question C: ""How do I know?"" + +Get somewhere quiet, taking with you a pen and this piece of paper. Give yourself plenty of time. Twenty minutes is not too long. + +Ask yourself question A, and answer with simplicity and honesty. Wait until you can feel the answer in your bones. Seriously. This is really important. Wait until your body settles (you should be able to feel it) on the answer before you give it. For me, the feeling is the feeling I get right after I get goosebumps. It's like a body-wide relaxation - just a very settled and sure feeling. For this first round, the answer should be very concrete and easy- e.g., ""What am I? *A dad.*"" Write the answer under the question A prompt, then move to question B. + +Now, before you ask yourself question B, say to yourself ""Is (answer to question A) \[i.e., ""a dad""\] all I think I am?"" Wait again for your feeling in your body to answer this with ""Of course not"" or something similar. Then ask yourself ""Aren't I more than (answer to question A)?"" Again, wait for your body to feel the answer of ""Of course I'm something more"" or the like. + +Then, ask question B: ""Well then, what more am I that is not (A)?"" This time, try to feel a sense of exploration, curiosity, and inquisitiveness. Try to be a seeker here. You can flip through several ideas, but don't rest upon an answer until you feel that feeling in your body. When you have that answer, write it down under question B - e.g., ""What more am I that is not a dad? *A philosopher.*"" + +Then, ask question C: ""How do I know?"" and wait for you body to acknowledge the answer, and write it down: ""*Existence itself is a wonder to me.*"" + +At this point, notice how positive you feel about yourself. Notice how you are giving yourself your sole attention and love. And notice too that you feel like you're learning something new, but also that it feels very familiar (an extremely satisfying sensation, I think). Hopefully, this should be really invigorating to you. If you wish to go further (and I suggest you do) simply repeat the loop back at question A for as long as this satisfaction in the process endures. + +Don't be afraid to get weird and vividly figurative and metaphorical with your answers. See the lights. Feel the cold or the warmth. Taste the tastes. Smell the smells. Just be sure that your answers are honest and you can feel them in your body when you give them. That's how you know you can write them down. When you've done several cycles, you'll see an amazing trail of breadcrumbs on your paper - ""*philosopher*"" to ""*ant enjoying a sunny day on a log*"" to ""*a vast warm ocean teaming with life within*"". + +Afterward, keep the paper if you want to compare to it later or just pitch it, knowing you always have the ability to sit down and find the answer another time. + +I like to conclude on a really vivid scene and call that scene to mind throughout the following days and weeks. + +As long as you are really waiting on that feeling you get in your body, your loop will probably very different every time you do it (but don't fret if it gets repetitive). And you will demonstrate to yourself that you are always far more than you can comprehend. And that's a good thing, because you'll never be bored or stop growing through exploration of yourself. And it will be you (and no one else) who is supplying the answers to the questions of ""Who am I? What am I?"" + +*Postscript:* + +Blarg rightly pointed out that I failed to make the connections to the sidebar material explicit. Here's a key: + +- ***Mental Point of Origin:*** Dudes around here are all dealing with an ego that's been a coping mechanism of trying to cram the square peg of their masculinity into the round hole of the Disney fantasy. Their sense of self has been dominated by the identities they have internalized after being foisted upon them by others. A man becomes defined by his utility to others. An exercise like this is for actually and directly taking action against that, and instead start trying to use your own powers of perception and experience to form your own sense of self that serves your own desires and interests. For me, this exercise focuses my consciousness on what I enjoy doing and what I want for myself and my world, as opposed to what is expected of me by others. + +- ***Self-Validation & Abundance:*** Chad likes Chad for who Chad is, without apology. Chad doesn't have a bunch of other people's concepts interfering with Chad's evaluation of himself. If Chad doesn't like something about Chad, then Chad either changes that thing or starts liking it. Chad won't tolerate living with his shitty self. Chad has a deep well of love and validation for himself. He knows how to get to that well quickly and goes often. Chad doesn't need it from anyone else; he's flooded with it. Most MRP tards think it's DNGAF, but it's really abundance. If a tard is looking to results in the world as his sole measuring stick, he's just becoming outcome dependent and subject to all the frames gatekeeping those outcomes. But if Chad can play in the world of outcomes always knowing his real needs will always be met with the well of abundant self-love he has, Chad is invincible. The only way to use such a well, is to get familiar with where it is and how to draw from it. That's what this exercise does for me. + +- ***Mission:*** Most MRP tards' missions are still just adopted roles imposed on them by the matrix - it's all they've ever known. Their missions aren't really for them in particular. They are roles to be played. Without a deeply-felt sense of self, they can't really identify their mission if it ever occurs to them. And they don't know enough about themselves to ignore calls to missions that aren't for them. This exercise helps me break through those periods that TWOTSM mentions where the mission seems to have been wrong, or become stale, or where I seem to be outgrowing it, but unsure of what's next.",,30,[deleted],1635200315.0 +marriedredpill,qercvv,Own your shit isn't her autobiography,"[Whinemoreplease posted something to Twitter and I had to see it for myself.](https://twitter.com/whinemoreplease/status/1450554373508059144?s=20) + +Oh sweet Jesus... What the fuck + +**[33M/32F](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qb75xp/own_your_shit_weekly_october_19_2021/hh85isi/)** + +> I gave my wife papers last week. It was not well received. The last few days were an emotional tumult. The upshot is that she is refusing to sign anything but she'll reconsider if we try counseling. That seems cheaper and easier than a lawyer battle so I'm getting a counselor to do a few sessions. I think she realized that her life goals aren't achievable without my support (or another beta bux), so her best option is to try to keep me around. There is very little incentive for her to sign, and she has everything to lose by signing. It's going to come down to me making it clear that the life/lifestyle she had isn't coming back. + +I read this whole field report, and I learned nothing, nothing about this man, other than the same regurgitated lift numbers. I know his wife is: + +* a horse girl +* getting divorced +* emotionally distraught +* Shes semi pro +* she has a vision to be a world champion or something +* shes protestant +* his job isn't good enough to pay for all this; and in his words +* I don't ride, personally, just do about an hour or two of stall cleaning to help her out. +I'm not saying lifting isn't important, I'm saying a man is more than his lifts. + +Own your shit. The guy isn't even a factor in his field report. Why did /u/red_koan even come here, why not send his wife to write this shit out? We haven't had a VampireSquidina-like account come in and start Karen-ing shit up in a while. The only thing I know about him is he's her stable boy and sugar daddy. + +And it's not just one guy: + +[> Wife late thirties, together > 10 years, 2 kids one preschooler and one toddler](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qb75xp/own_your_shit_weekly_october_19_2021/hh7ndpf/) + +[36, ... wife 30 105lbs](https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/qb75xp/own_your_shit_weekly_october_19_2021/hh8n8bh/) + +Why the fuck do I care about your wife, or anyones wife in here? + +I get it's not everyone, but it's still a lot of people. It's fucking weird how fast the *Hunter Drew School of Do it For Her* has seeped into here. Meanwhile the field reports are a ton of future tense bullshit: + +> I need to do X and I need to do Y + +Asshole. To own is present tense, not a future tense. dafuk did you do, what are you trying to do, and how well did action and intent match? All the work is in pinging ideas off of other guys to close that gap. It's not about treating your wife like a swiss watch, a puzzle to be figured out. It sure as shit isn't about writing her auto biography. /r/stupidslutsclub tells much better stories anyways. + +It's not about making this the He Man Woman Haters Club either: In those field reports are covert contracts, nice guy behaiour, and basic bitch mistakes. Lifting numbers don't hide that. When I see shit like OWS #43 followed up with a Chapter one Robert Glover style fuckup it shows me someone has wasted an entire year, a fucking year, on playing with his dick and calling it alpha. Guys, you are getting closer to death every day, life is too short to accomplish nothing. + +To those who this doesn't apply to, you don't have to post below about how this doesn't apply to you. Let it lie. For the rest of you guys, stop posting the cooking cutter MRP template hoping that you'll come out the other end like some kind of god among men... Married and Red Pilled isn't about a checklist to meet the ideal, it's about you solving problems surrounding sex, relationships, and eventually, a vision for your future. + + +Get it through your thick skull. Nothing in here is about her, no one cares what she does or what she thinks or how she feels. This isn't a place to stave off divorce rape. This is about fixing you, full stop.",,81,RStonePT,1635079117.0 +marriedredpill,qb0jvv,MRP is not an identity,"Too many people find this place and embrace it as their new identity. A ‘Red Pilled’ man. They feel special, as they are now part of a group. They think they ‘know things’ that most average guys don’t, and this knowledge makes them somehow better than the average guy. + +It’s all bullshit. + +Every time I see the term ‘red pilled’, ‘alpha’ and all the other catch phrases thrown around, I cringe internally. Everyone is trying to find a nice little box to place themselves in and derive their identify from that. I was ‘blue pilled’, I ‘swallowed the pill’ and now I’m working towards becoming a ‘red pilled man’. I believe Rian calls them container words. + +I call them ‘dumb concepts that people grab on to, with the intent of trying to fit themselves in neat little boxes (that they define themselves) because its warm and comfy in there’, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it. + +You are not ‘red pilled’. You are a guy that read some shit online and took it hyper-literally and now you feel proud of yourself for it. + +MRP is not some special group that you’re part of. It’s a place where a bunch of notes have been traded around for a few years and refined into a sidebar where you can read what other guys have done in the past. Knowing the MRP sidebar doesn’t make you ‘better’ than anyone. Belonging to a group of internet retards only makes you retarded. + +If you feel good because you got flair, or upvotes on your OYS or whatever it is - you’re falling into the trap. Stop doing that shit. It doesn’t matter. + +Stop role playing as a red-pilled man and start figuring out who you want to be. I’ll give you a hot tip. You don’t want to be me. You don’t want to be Horns, Blarg, MITW, Tyred, or WNS. You might think that’s what you want, but that just means you have no idea who you are. + +The point of this place is for you to figure out what you want, not for us to tell you who to be. This isn’t a factory where we take normal guys and churn out ‘red pilled men’. It’s a place where a bunch of guys have tried some stuff, some of it worked for them, some of it didn’t. + +It’s on you to figure out what works for you, and how that fits into what you want.",,126,threekindsoflucky,1634605781.0 +marriedredpill,qb75xp,"Own Your Shit Weekly - October 19, 2021","A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength. + +We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them. + +Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, **don't blame others for your shit.** This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger. + +Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha. + +Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.",,16,AutoModerator,1634632211.0 +marriedredpill,q8rzv9,Replacing Apology with Appreciation,"This is a mashup of a field report and hack/cheatcode. I'm working on recapturing some pre-MRP vulnerability without all the fucked-up neediness of my pre-MRP self. This is me coaching myself (""you"" here is ""me""). I'm sharing because ... well, that's just how this place works. + +***If you're nice-guying,*** your apologies suck because they're manipulative and insincere. Worse, your apologies undermine you because they train people to treat you like a doormat. You feel blame and contempt from someone. It stresses you out. So, to relieve the stress, you cower and supplicate. You overdo it, because you want to give yourself a forced feeling of shame rather than deal with either the confrontation of standing up for what you're blamed with or the accuracy of the flaw that the blame has identified. Because those are the things that matter, and your apology is avoiding those things, it's insincere. And because you supplicate to do it, you reinforce to yourself and others that you need a master - and there's no shortage of people lining up to fill that role. (I haven't done this in a very long while, but I used to. And you can see this commonly in OYS and in the wild.) + +***If you're lone-wolfing,*** your apologies suck because they don't exist. You've figured out how to control emotions. And you've developed the mental fortitude to stop fucking yourself by nice-guying. Criticism comes your way, so you internally DNGAF, and you externally STFU. You pat yourself on the back for your mental fortitude, rinse, and repeat. Problem is, you probably do this for everyone anytime, not distinguishing people and relationships which are valuable to you. You don't give *any* fucks and think that's fine. But you fail to give the *single* fuck about the value that person or relationship gives you, and this undermines you just as badly as nice-guying (or perhaps worse, because you're mostly blind to it). (I have spent the last several weeks here, I think.) + +Remember, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Lone-wolfing projects indifference, which will be returned to you. Your influence and power will wane and disappear as people continue to refrain from investing the attention of criticism toward you. You lose crucial data points about how you're coming off, and you end up in a lonely spot with just your shitty ego and yourself, rather than growing and thriving as the social animal that you are. + +So, what can be done? How does someone like you who is bad at taking criticism get good at it? Well, try a hack from *Atomic Habits*, which advises that whenever you want to cease an undesirable or unuseful behavior, you don't merely tell yourself to stop doing it; rather, you replace it with a desirable and useful behavior. + +So, here, replace your shitty apology with genuine appreciation. + +Criticism is a gift of another's attention. Like all gifts, it can come in varying degrees of value or worthlessness. When someone takes the time to criticize you, they are spending their time and attention, and maybe even some relational, political, or social capital in doing so - i.e., risk. If this is a person who knows the shit they're criticizing you about, or if this is a relationship which is useful to you, you're a fool to respond to it with indifference, as that just communicates you can't appreciate value in valuable things. And if that's the case, then why would a prudent investor further invest their gifts in you? + +So, with these people and relationships you value, you need to communicate your appreciation of the gift. How? Well, start by acknowledging the perceptiveness of the criticism. (""Hey, you know I wasn't seeing that, but it's true."") Then, acknowledge that the criticism is useful to you. (""What you pointed out has definitely been a thorn in my side, and it's really helpful to have your perspective on that."") Then communicate that you are accepting the gift and are using it. (""You know, your comment really got me thinking ...."") You don't need to pour your soul out. Just give a flavor for what you're doing with it. Finally, acknowledge the value that this person (not just the criticism itself) brings to your life. (""I'm lucky to have you."") + +Think of it as WISNIFG negative assertion, but with the twist of coming from a place of genuine appreciation (not merely a hollow technique to disarm a critic and protect yourself). That is, be actually vulnerable. + +Obviously, if you've actually and significantly hurt someone you value, and you're contrite, then you should own it \[1\] and a full-on sincere apology probably needs to be given too, and you need to fix whatever can be fixed and move on without wallowing. And obviously, if you don't really value the person or the relationship, ~~there's nothing lost in going ahead and giving a hollow and simple apology (""sorry about that"") just to~~ you should at least be sure to cover the common decency front. \[1\] + +I know, I know. Simple and basic AF. Retarded even. But hey, if you really care about unfucking yourself, you're willing to go a bit retard. [But never go full retard](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6WHBO_Qc-Q). + +Edit: + +\[1\] *See* u/rocknrollchuck's comment below for good advice on this. + +\[2\] I need to publicly credit u/hornsofapathy for his recent gift of criticism and modeling congruent vulnerability.",,50,[deleted],1634315207.0 +TheBluePill,2nj2ed,My compilation of posts on why TRP is sexist and bad for both men and women.,"Since this post has been stickied, I'll add on a few introductory posts for those wondering WTF is TRP? I also changed all the links to archives for posterity. + +[RAW text here for those who want to easily copy-paste it.](http://pastebin.com/eRHe8Vfk) + +--- + +* WTF is TRP? + + * Ever seen [The Matrix?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Matrix) (If you answered no, do you live under a rock or something?) If so, do you remember the [scene where Morpheus offers Neo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ1_IbFFbzA) the choice between taking ['the red pill' or taking 'the blue pill?'](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_pill_and_blue_pill#Background) In the movie, taking the blue pill would result in Neo remaining oblivious to the true nature of the Matrix, while taking the red pill made Neo wake up 'to the true nature of the world.' (Spoiler alerts: fucking robots, man!) + + * In context of TRP movement, taking the red pill here means a man has awoken to the 'true nature of women.' You can read TRP's sidebar to see more on what this means (hint: don't bother, it's filled with fluff and pseudo-scientific drivel), but a tl;dr is this: women are children, weak, emotionally manipulative, and only after your money. Women can't love, they only seek you for protection (read: money). Women would fuck you over in a heart-beat for a more 'alpha' male. Thus, red pillers seek to work on 'game' (this is where their bullshit about 'TRP is just self-improvement' comes from). 'Game' refers to pick-up artist tactics used to improve their chances of having sex. Things like being confident, becoming physically fit, or anything else you would typically find in a health, fitness, or dating-tips forum for men. Platitudes that are sound advice for *anyone*, but used by TRPers to mask the negative aspect of their belief system. + +* Why TRP is bad for men: + + * [Every Man Should Know: Why The Red Pill will Kill you Inside](https://archive.today/pkco4) + + * [I've denounced TRP lifestyle. The Red Pill is incredibly dangerous, and I know this because I witnessed it first hand.](https://archive.today/BYCk1) + +* TRP ruins relationships (kudos to /u/ILurvesMeSomePie for this!): + + * Exhibit A: [TRPer tries MarriedRP advice for a week, now plans to divorce wife of 20 years.](https://archive.is/ip1wk) + + * Exhibit B: [TRPer tries MRP for 1.5 months, marriage of 2 years is now in shambles.](https://archive.is/p2NAM) + + * Exhibit C: [TRP convinces man to divorce his wife of 8 years and abandon their son](https://archive.is/81ISe) + + * Exhibit D: [Man cheats on wife of 15 years, who he fathered 3 children with, because she was too busy with work to give him blowjobs on demand.](https://archive.is/tuVCs) + + * Exhibit E: [MeRPer throwing away a 13 year marriage because he felt like a 'beta'](https://archive.is/jlg6M) + + * Exhibit F: [Woman's SO wants out of 8 year relationship after reading TRP.](https://archive.is/EBaJr) + + * Exhibit G: [""I don't blame TRP for ruining my marriage but rather for making me aware that the woman I married isn't exactly what I thought""](https://archive.is/nVmyr) + + * Exhibit H: [Wife of 4 years wants 'out' after two-weeks of dread-gaming.](https://archive.is/yVFkZ) + + * Exhibit I: [Man begins dread-game on wife of 4 years, relationship starts to squander.](https://archive.is/ilNuq) + + * Exhibit J: [MeRPer's pregnant wife schedules marriage counselling to resolve their issues. TRP convinces him to end it.](https://archive.is/6fiKZ) + + * Exhibit K: [MeRPer's wife wants to go to couple's therapy. He tells her to fuck off and suck his dick instead. Literally.](https://archive.is/YtHk3) + + * Exhibit L: [""Before TRP, I thought my wife as my equal and life partner. After TRP, I now know my wife is an evil, scheming, hypergamous feemale.""](https://archive.is/RDG3q) + + * Exhibit M: [Man gets Christmas bonus, expects his wife to fuck him then and there. Instead she laments how he's been treating her for the past 2 months. He sets her straight.](https://archive.is/di5fx) + + * Exhibit N: [RP man acts distant and cold towards wife, threatened to divorce her just to keep her in check.](https://archive.is/WGKQa) + + * Exhibit O: [Wife with cancer is indifferent to husband's toochache. Should he divorce her?](https://archive.is/E4dYU) + + * Exhibit P: [Married father, with a one-month old child, wants to next his wife so he can spin plates.](https://archive.is/cSBc5) + + * Exhibit Q: [MeRPer emotionally distresses his wife because she views their finances as shared.](https://archive.is/vbw4u) + + * Exhibit R: [Married for 18 years. Wants to spin-plates so he cheats on her.](https://archive.is/vLdJ6) + + * Exhibit S: [MeRPer married for 21 years discovers TRP, dread-games wife with much success.](https://archive.is/FhEDY) + + * Exhibit T: [MeRPbag calls wife a cunt, walks out, comes back saying ""Sorry not sorry you're such a cunt."" Wife cries. Sex is had. Yay!](https://archive.is/agLUq) + + * Exhibit U: [MeRPer threatens stressed, overworked wife that he'll look elsewhere if she doesn't open her legs and fuck him right now](https://archive.is/JFnNX) + + * Exhibit V: [MeRPer drives his wife away after swallowing the pill](https://archive.is/E4WOr) + + * Exhibit W: [MeRPer married for 4 years, enjoys ""flipping switches in her head"" and ""playing her like a fiddle.""](https://archive.is/cfKSX) + + * Exhibit X: [TRPer tries to talk his brother out of getting married](https://archive.is/zdI3s) + + * Exhibit Y: ['Has RP theory made you want to get a divorce?' General Consensus: Yes](https://archive.is/BrwSt) + + * Exhibit Z: [""Whats the deal with all these married guys actually being happy?"" ""Cognitive Dissonance, yo'""](https://archive.is/aiy7l) + +* Why TRP is sexist: + + * Here's MANY, MANY examples showing anyone reading this how TRP is toxic and should be avoided at all costs (ALL quotes directly from TRP members, not ""lies perpetuated by 'tumblr feminazis'""): + + * [Highlight reel 1](http://imgur.com/a/bGiiW) (**64 quotes**) + + * [Highlight reel 2](https://imgur.com/a/nrSCv) (**27 quotes**) + + * [Highlight reel 3](http://imgur.com/a/SLSyy) (**100 quotes**) + + * [Highlight reel 4](http://imgur.com/a/ms9c6) (**150 quotes**) + + * [Highlight reel 5](https://archive.today/T84oN) (**10 quotes**) + + * [Highlight reel 6](https://archive.today/m2RDR) (**14 quotes**) + + * More examples: + + * [Women are Children](https://archive.today/Tip7V) by the **top mod** of TRP, @ **+367** + + * [Women are shit. AWALT. Fuckoff snowflakes, nobody cares you think you're different. Every woman thinks she's special and different and expects to be treated as such. It's all bullshit. Women are remarkably similar to each other across the board and HATE being generalised because of their narcissism. They're so similar psychologically that we can make a fucking subreddit that generalises just over half the human race with an incredible degree of accuracy and use that knowledge as a proficient weapon in helping men get the upperhand in a social system where they're systemically beaten down. The upperhand is something a man needs if he ever wants to come out unscathed with any kind of social contract with a woman. Hypergamy necessitates it. She requires your superiority to be attracted to you, that's probably the biggest joke about ""equality.""](https://archive.today/jKDk3)**+242** + + * [**Let's play TRP or Elliot Rodgers**](https://archive.today/7na0m) + +If you don't see this stuff, you are purposefully ignoring the toxic elements of TRP. *TRP is fundamentally an ideology about hating women.* Plus you'll likely end up ruining your relationship. + +By admitting to following TRP, you are basically telling the world you are an unabashed misogynist. This is undeniable given the countless examples and literally the ideology spelled out in their sidebar. +",,872,IAmAN00bie,1417046699.0 +TheBluePill,ovdrfg,Vaush has a very disturbing pre-occupation with bestiality and paedophilia masterpost [NSFW/Trigger warning],,/r/Enough_Vaush_Spam/comments/ou0d2u/vaush_has_a_very_disturbing_preoccupation_with/,150,RobotAnna,1627761054.0 +TheBluePill,19eyete,Graduate Study,"My name is Elyse Shires, and I am a student at JFK School of Psychology and Social Sciences at National University, and I am looking for self-identified involuntary celibates or previously identified involuntary celibates, who are 18 and older to take a survey regarding their attitudes and beliefs. You will be completing an anonymous survey online that should take approximately 20 minutes. There will be a demographics section to better understand the population, but no personally identifiable information will be used. + +To participate in this study, please use this link: + +[https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdHOBN86DIybZQ4TzXf53v8BlAu1i4t\_t6J5\_sUl3CZAKbwbw/viewform?usp=sf\_link](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdHOBN86DIybZQ4TzXf53v8BlAu1i4t_t6J5_sUl3CZAKbwbw/viewform?usp=sf_link) + +If you have any concerns or questions please contact the IRB at NU IRB at (858) 612- 8384 or via email at irb@nu.edu.",,14,Over-Pin3333,1706149173.0 +TheBluePill,18t08k3,Least sexist conservative,,https://i.redd.it/20l8f2tn819c1.jpeg,427,FoeHamma,1703786619.0 +TheBluePill,18szdyr,Top-ranked keyboard combatant,,https://i.redd.it/zk6jbbyly19c1.jpeg,50,FoeHamma,1703784557.0 +TheBluePill,18sjk2q,4Channer realizes that his Comrades might've lied to him about Society.,,https://i.redd.it/vmav9qs1kw8c1.jpeg,281,FoeHamma,1703733254.0 +TheBluePill,18j1acz,"""Protect and Provide"": Where is this coming from?","Over the last 2-3 months, I've noticed that the more right-leaning commenters on all sorts of relationship advice posts will say that a man's role is to ""protect and provide."" In those exact words. + +Then the other day I saw it used by a polyamorous gay man, and I was like, how did it filter there from the right wing? Lol. + +I've tried asking a few of the commenters where they heard the phrase, and they instead derail by saying ""well akshually that's been men's role since caveman days wharglbargl."" + +But that's not what I'm asking! I mean the exact wording itself. What YouTuber (or whatever) said this phrase a couple of months ago and set off all of manosphere-Reddit to saying it verbatim like NPCs? This sub seems like a place where someone might (a) know and (b) understand what I'm asking and not derail it, lol.",,104,greeneyedwench,1702650396.0 +TheBluePill,18ijhzy,even the AI Girls don’t want him,,https://i.redd.it/047g5620ma6c1.jpg,32,FoeHamma,1702590140.0 +TheBluePill,18g2ojk,The problem with a lot of dudes who want a trad-wife is that they refuse to be a traditional husband.,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/18d5qx3,336,FoeHamma,1702324995.0 +TheBluePill,18cy2k5,"""The girl who rejects me must be a w#ore"" Bible neckbeard edition.",,https://i.redd.it/jorm5zmdkv4c1.jpg,227,FoeHamma,1701962985.0 +TheBluePill,187wsd1,Is pick me a over used term?,"Is the term “pick me” over used? + +I’ve seen it used as an insult like simp. A pick me is a term used for “women that bring down other women for male attention” which I understand but if a woman seems to just say something that is helpful or benefits a man she is a pick me. Such as a woman cooking for her boyfriend she will be called a pick me? + +Considering how much women shit talk covertly and snake each other all the time ex:sleeping with best friends boyfriend or exes. Is the term pick me a cope for mentally healthy women that have a positive outlook towards me?",,20,No_Historian_1601,1701387394.0 +TheBluePill,17sbo9h,Field report: My wife just fainted in front of me and I can't tell if she's fallen out of my orbit or if she was just overwhelmed by my strength and power? Can someone help me interpret this before she wakes up and wants to go to the hospital or something?,,https://i.redd.it/6ftla6ybnkzb1.png,51,me-and-my-brain,1699644422.0 +TheBluePill,16hxeb4,End Abuse of Women Online Intro: The cause!!,,https://youtu.be/FrN7-UtzuVo?si=03GOidkMfcL9n19q,12,No-Astronaut-4403,1694635813.0 +TheBluePill,16h5gvn,Pretty sure this is a strong blue pill view piont?,,https://youtu.be/FrN7-UtzuVo?si=vcf0GDtL6eIDXVSf,9,No-Astronaut-4403,1694558177.0 +TheBluePill,16f00g8,Nice Guy - a love song,,https://v.redd.it/zyyd90vzkpc71,59,FoeHamma,1694351650.0 +TheBluePill,16dceus,What do you make of the Proud Boys instruction manual?," +https://imgur.com/a/GY8Jqxv + +TL;DR summary of salient points, please keep in mind these are direct quotes, not hyperbole. Highlights include but are not limited to: + +“We’re mostly christian”… “our fathers participated in slavery.” + +Western man is the “hero of the slave trade” for abolishing it. + +Cheers to housewives who create human life. + +Cheers to guns. + +Settle disputes in “Sharia court” + +There is a secret handshake (and you don’t get to know it). + +They have a literal anthem, many of the lyrics of which revolve around making ones “ma” proud, being a “late bloomer” and “slow for my age.” + +“We don’t *except* trans men because they aren’t ‘boys.’” Verbatim, with that typo. + +To earn your second degree of proudness you must list 5 different breakfast cereals while proud boys “pound” you, beat you up. “Shots to the head and below the belt are discouraged but not against the rules.” Then you receive a hug. + +“A Proud Boy may not ejaculate alone more than once every thirty days… no pornography… and if he needs to ejaculate it must be within one yard of a woman with her consent… she may not be a prostitute… this is our religion.” + +To earn your third degree of proudness you must get the words “proud boys” tattooed on your body, in a suggested font. + +“Women tend to assume “chauvinist” means “sexist” but it really means “displaying aggressive or exaggerated patriotism.” + +We disavow Nazis… and racists.” + +“We allow weak, beta-male virgins to join because our fraternity is about helping men improve their lives and that includes all men.” + +“Give everyone a gun… good guys need them too.” + +“Legalize drugs… prisons will lose their best customers.” + +“End welfare… stop rewarding single mothers for leaving their husbands.” + +“Close the borders… we need to build a wall and encourage assimilation.” + +“Outlaw censorship… this is arguably our most important cause.” + +“Venerate the housewife… put a ring on it and knock her up… housewives are sentient beings.” + +“The West is the Best… This is just a hate fact. America was it stolen from the Indians and it was not built on slavery… We fought hard to be #1 and we won… all other cultures are worse than us.” + +“Shut down the government… we have no respect for the institutions that rob us.” + +“There has been a lot of talk about whether Muslims should be allowed in. The elders have not settled this.” + +“Fedoras are banned.” + +But hey, at least they take gay folks.",,27,dirtyhippie62,1694184108.0 +TheBluePill,16bnub2,"The Right Would Like All Women to be 1950s Housewives, Please",,https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-commentary/shakshuka-girl-chelsea-handler-tiktok-matt-walsh-childfree-women-1234818131/,27,vodkacrocs,1694015580.0 +TheBluePill,16b1x3d,Gamers rise up,,https://i.redd.it/6k6xqf0uogmb1.jpg,41,FoeHamma,1693951736.0 +TheBluePill,16aw4ny,"Shall we all start requesting female surgeons for . . ""Modesty reasons"" 😂",,https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/aug/30/female-surgeons-patient-outcomes-better-studies,15,No-Astronaut-4403,1693938868.0 +TheBluePill,16a8ql5,This post always make me proud to be a women. I wish she was more well known.,,https://i.redd.it/5sogwklln9mb1.jpg,130,No-Astronaut-4403,1693872732.0 +TheBluePill,16a0nqo,Confidence is key in life apparently. Fs.,,https://i.redd.it/2fo9mn08n9mb1.png,48,No-Astronaut-4403,1693854015.0 +TheBluePill,169wnid,The Internet Is at Risk of Driving Women Away,,"https://www.wired.co.uk/article/women-internet-harassment#:~:text=A%20UNESCO%20study%20of%20journalists,in%20connection%20to%20online%20abuse.",8,No-Astronaut-4403,1693845059.0 +TheBluePill,169k8wv,"It's women who sexualize themselves, not men. 🤡",,https://i.redd.it/x7oy4z3en6mb1.png,11,Loud-Camera-660,1693808872.0 +TheBluePill,166gk75,Least unhinged incel,,https://i.redd.it/s9l4g5zj86lb1.jpg,108,FoeHamma,1693501128.0 +TheBluePill,166iakx,Taint Quotes,,https://i.redd.it/978kvfpzjhlb1.png,26,No-Astronaut-4403,1693505138.0 +TheBluePill,166h1r8,Real matrix,,https://i.redd.it/3ff4decobhlb1.png,10,No-Astronaut-4403,1693502282.0 +TheBluePill,166ez31,When The Harassment Of Women Moves Online - The stats in this are proof of a matrix designed to oppress women. Who'd of guessed.,,https://www.forbes.com/sites/ewelinaochab/2023/03/08/when-the-harassment-of-women-moves-online/,2,No-Astronaut-4403,1693497382.0 +TheBluePill,163sc9u,Join us Dylan,,https://i.redd.it/ldte91acfnkb1.jpg,87,FoeHamma,1693243867.0 +TheBluePill,162tfj5,The future of sex doll technology,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZWmMh0sq5A&ab_channel=vvv%E2%80%94okay,17,FoeHamma,1693150218.0 +TheBluePill,161tvj3,What do you think of the groyper community on twitter?,,,0,jaddenlaser-,1693052749.0 +TheBluePill,15zi6db,"""Alpha male"" podcaster breaks down and nearly cries after announcing he's been demonetized on YouTube",,https://i.redd.it/9n5t246kwvjb1.png,110,FoeHamma,1692828027.0 +TheBluePill,15yy2ss,Women are shapeshifters,,https://i.redd.it/zckob3ngqtjb1.png,72,pagenotfound000,1692780816.0 +TheBluePill,15y1wxi,"Boyfriend who is old enough to be my father is having a tantrum because I didn't call him sir consistently, SOS?",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/15y1wxi,95,pagenotfound000,1692700541.0 +TheBluePill,15we7pi,The redpill mindset cannot exist without misogyny and resentment (3 pictures- read description),"Red is the original poster, wanting help with dealing with a difficult 8yo daughter. Is surprised she acts like this as his wife is so 'obedient'. Redpiller mixed with Christianity. + +Orange calls the 8yo a 'woman who wants attention' and a 'bitch'. We then see that orange has divorced and wants stories about ex wives suffering.",https://www.reddit.com/gallery/15we7pi,65,[deleted],1692544958.0 +TheBluePill,15vfjjf,"""Alpha male"" gets exposed.",,https://i.redd.it/8vvnr3z321jb1.jpg,176,FoeHamma,1692449642.0 +TheBluePill,15ufsul,"Fellas, is it betacuck to be good in bed?",,https://i.redd.it/jx024fk1auib1.jpg,94,throwlegalaway12358,1692351552.0 +TheBluePill,15omdve,The Incel Vikings,,https://v.redd.it/xi67rpqo09hb1,20,FoeHamma,1691791801.0 +TheBluePill,15m30m4,What would have happened if Neo took the blue pill?,,,11,t-n-g-1999,1691550191.0 +TheBluePill,15k5ebo,Most normal Reddit incel,,https://i.redd.it/wr8fhfxtwjgb1.jpg,114,FoeHamma,1691368179.0 +TheBluePill,15jor4w,Women aren't allowed to have organs now,,https://i.redd.it/ghm7bb5rccgb1.png,129,FoeHamma,1691325867.0 +TheBluePill,15eh6j3,My masculinity is such a fragile thing that if I even think about the color pink… It will be gone!,,https://i.redd.it/j688kt6ra7fb1.jpg,153,FoeHamma,1690812376.0 +TheBluePill,15alem0,Empower your toilet today!,,https://i.redd.it/lqo5b4hnideb1.png,61,FoeHamma,1690414184.0 +TheBluePill,15afdkz,Documentary,"Hi, I am currently making a documentary on the red pill/ manosphere space and I'm looking for participants who want to share their stories about their experience with the red pill/ manosphere space. + +The documentary is covering the reasons for the surge in the popularity of the red pill and why people are attracted to the Red Pill. I want to make this as balanced as possible and try to get both sides of the argument why people subscribe to that ideology and why people are against it. + +So if you fall on either side and want to participate just DM me and we can try to set up an interview. + +&#x200B; + +Thanks",,5,ssat21,1690400047.0 +TheBluePill,1535ddc,The perfect gentleman,,https://i.redd.it/0ce1ectycmcb1.jpg,173,FoeHamma,1689702885.0 +TheBluePill,14uwrnr,Do you think being very handsome and super intelligent and wealthy will make it easy to steal someone's girl?,"Like just swoop in and befriend her or ask her out and then convince her that her current partner isn't putting enough effort into pleasing her. + +Then she leaves him and goes to you. + +/s cause I'm not a cruel person.",,0,throwawayexist2002,1688903852.0 +TheBluePill,14nc7nd,The “why am I still single/a virgin?” starterpack,,https://i.redd.it/ntswqci1e69b1.jpg,109,FoeHamma,1688159346.0 +TheBluePill,14moz4l,"""Should I pick the ugly asshole or the attractive asshole? Hmmmm...""",,https://i.redd.it/od8jhyvrtz8b1.jpg,51,FoeHamma,1688095419.0 +TheBluePill,14jpoau,Top g finally got educated,Top g says inspirational words ,https://v.redd.it/ahr6c7zure8b1,56,One-Milk2311,1687805397.0 +TheBluePill,14jdxbm,"No, men have made women fear men",https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/14j0at0/the_media_has_made_women_truly_fear_men/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button,,11,SabineLavine,1687776403.0 +TheBluePill,14gyqe0,What incels REALLY want,,https://i.redd.it/c9iq407yhq7b1.jpg,84,FoeHamma,1687527239.0 +TheBluePill,14h4qy5,Women never getting the recognition for supressing emotions and why feminism is concerned about mens mental health. Enough for me to end my life. Any other women feel like this.,"Hello, I hope you're all well. + +I have the condition known as Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder which I have experienced for 3 years. It is a result of severe trauma especially from my childhood years and isn't a condition I would wish for anyone to experience. + +I am not someone who has the ability to be emotionally vulnerable and show emotions besides from smiling and laughing a lot. In the UK there is projects like Andy's man club and Man shed are spaces where men can be vulnerable and express thier emotions. I'm sure many do cry in these places and in therapy. I heard numerous men share thier experiences of them being vulnerable for example having a coffee with a coworker and having a cry with them at work. + +There has been several men that have been vulnerable to me and said things like 'my job made me depressed'. I could never show that vulnerbailty, I'm the kind of person to just deal with it on my own, and never show any struggles. Even if someone asked I would say my job didn't make me depressed. Sounds familair for one gender, oh wait not my gender. IT IS NOT FAIR MEN GET RECOGNITION FOR EMOTION SUPRESSION AND NOT BEING ABLE TO BE VULNERABLE BUT NOT WOMEN. + +Another male randomly on a dating site 'I have never felt like this before'. I would never be open about my emotions like that, or be vulnerable like that! Infact given my trauma if life got unbearable it would be s\*\*cide for me, whilst hiding it all with the biggest smile on my face. According to this misognistic society I would talk to other females, express my emotions and talk about my struggles because I'm a woman. Another man: 'I'm going to take my life away' I'm the silent type so I would never admit this and if things were unbearable I would attempt su\*\*cide. A guy posted a photo on Snapchat with the caption 'I have insomnia and can't take this anymore' whilst crying in his photo. I can't even imagine doing that!! I find that weak. Not weak for him but for me! It's not in my nature especially since I have dealt with all of my struggles all on my own throughout my life. The irony here is that this is how men behave according to society and how I behave is how all men behave when it comes to emotion supression and showing vulnerability. + +If these examples are where men have show vulnerability, are able to talk about their struggles and openly express thier emotions to me and according to society men do not show vulnerabilty and express theor emotions THAN WHAT IS IT FOR THOSE WOMEN THAT CANT EVEN DO THIS?! + +Apparently men expect to seek comfort or go to the closest female member if they are in distress. If I experienced something distressing I would find it weak for me to seek comfort from another human, also I don't have the ability to be vulnerable or to express emotions openly and hide everything. Never would I go to someone for comfrort or support. If it all gets too much I would end my life. All the men I've came across also recieve warmth from other men even if it's touching thier bros on thier shoulder or shaking hands with each other. These are some men who put love hearts on each others posts. I don't even use the crying emojis and do not use love hearts on social media! + +If only society as aware of how I supress my emotions and not have the ability to be vulnerable would be great. + +Emotional regulation and being vulnerable is not asscoiated with gender but a how a person's emotional needs were met and how they regulated their emotions during thier childhood. Men are taught not not be vulnerable and show emotion from a young age, but that does not mean they don't have the ability to be vulnerable and show emotion! There are porbably men who can't show vulnerability not because they are men but due to the trauma they have experienced during thier childhood years. + +It is sickening how women are percieved! + +Society: + +Telling a male feminist about my experience:. His reply.""It's a man thing"". A misognistic and unempathic thing to say. Implies that women do not supress thier emotions and are able to show vulnerability. Microagression there. Also implies my experince of emotions suppression not valid and not normal as I'm a woman. This 'feminist' openly talks about his own isseus very openly. + +Feminism: Posts including it's okay for men to cry talk. Implies that women cry, talk, provide emotional support to other women. Triggering for women who can't even do these things! + +Another man: ""We as men don't show emotions"": a man who openly shared the trauma he has experinced without my consent (vulnerability straight there), brags how women are emotional and sexaully harassed me. NO YOU AS MEN CAN SHOW VULNERABILITY TO OTHERS! + +Other men: ""We as men find it hard to be vulnerable"". Rather be pressure by society to not be vulnerable and have the ability to be vulnerable. + +Women: Us women can talk about things. Degrading, hurtful and unfair for women that can't talk about things? In fact a trigger for suicide for me. + +Women: advocating by posting Andysman Club, It's okay to cry posts. Probably the women that openly can express thier emotions. + +Most men that I come across don't even smile doesn't that show sadness, to me that shows that they may be struggling. Imagine hiding that with a smile on thier faces. I understand that smiling is seen a a feminine trait. If men supress their emotions and can't show vulnerability due to pressure from society and get the recognition from society than how horrific is it for women who supress thier emotions and can not show vulnerabilty at all? I would rather be a man who is able to show emotion and be vulnerability and not experience sexual harrassment on a daily basis than be a woman who will never get the recongniton for emotion supression by society. + +If men like this get recognition for emotion suppression, can you imagine how rough it must be for women that supress thier emotions. If only those men were in those women or my shoes that can not even show the slighest vulnerabilty that these men have shown!!! + +Women attempt suicide more times than men. I can't even imagine the trauma especially if there attempts fail. This is not even discussed in society. I don't have any female equivelant of bros. Why do men really get the recognition for emotion supression and not being able to show vulnerabilty, high suicide rates. BECAUSE MENS SUFFERING IS VALID IN SOCIETY AND WOMENS IS NOT. I'm certain my brother would talk to his friends too if something distressing happened. Equally my brother has said to his male friends 'talk to me bro'. Even if men talk to to each other about thier struggles they still get recognition for not taking about thier struggles. I have no one!! + +I have nothing agasint men getting support or recognition for toxic masculinity and I would wish nothing but the best for people and wouldn't want people to suffer! Imagine if we lived in a society where a man says. ""We as men get the recognition for emotion supression and not being vulnerable due societal pressure but can you imagine what it must be like for women who supress their emotions and can not be vulnerable but don't get any recognition and on top of that experience ageism and the every day casual sexism, can you imagine how hard that must be"". + +I will experience this suffering forever and it's only going to get worse as I age. Men getting the recognition for emotion supression, not having the ability to be vulnerable whether it's through posts, generalisations about this or even male suicide will always trigger me to be suicidal. Usually I wouldn't post this, accept reality and keep dealing with things on my own ( I wouldn't even admit this normally). I'm the kind of person not to get help. I have tried therapy several times and I can not show any vulnerability in therapy and cry. I can not show vulnerability at all or talk about my feelings!! I probably never will due to the level of trauma I have experienced. I can't wait to leave this world. I hope there is a god and justice. Given the trauma and opression I have experienced and the wolrd we live in it's impossible for me to believe there is. I can't beleive we live in a world like this. P.S. Could not do EMDR as I couldn't be vulnerable. + +LIVING IN A SOCIETY WHERE MEN GET RECOGNITION FOR EMOTION SUPRESSION MAKES ME SUICIDAL. + +Thanks for reading.",,14,NewPlay9883,1687542013.0 +TheBluePill,14gdleh,Incels: “foids have unrealistic standards!” Also incels:,,https://i.redd.it/7jid8iz6pj7b1.jpg,129,FoeHamma,1687464678.0 +TheBluePill,14en7w1,"""First they came for the Sex Trafficking Groups and I said nothing""",,https://i.redd.it/hqfglmnsv57b1.png,194,FoeHamma,1687295168.0 +TheBluePill,14dyrqo,One of life’s greatest mysteries 🧐,,https://i.redd.it/4f8vg9lj907b1.jpg,74,FoeHamma,1687229138.0 +TheBluePill,147wtlj,A reply to an underage girl posting about harassment from older men at work,,https://i.redd.it/k9lyfg43dn5b1.jpg,424,spartan1216,1686601802.0 +TheBluePill,1484q57,The ultimate proof that incel ideology is bullshit,,https://i.redd.it/exo6k6meam5b1.png,21,FoeHamma,1686624961.0 +TheBluePill,143ecee,The incel endgame,,https://v.redd.it/n7u508cwnh4b1,121,FoeHamma,1686147077.0 +TheBluePill,143h0ck,Ok coomer,,https://i.redd.it/s7tf2ey8zg4b1.jpg,35,FoeHamma,1686153386.0 +TheBluePill,142mfb6,🍑,,https://i.redd.it/lgyayw0aff4b1.jpg,35,FoeHamma,1686071110.0 +TheBluePill,141eevx,😬,,https://i.redd.it/h14lai7y354b1.jpg,98,FoeHamma,1685971304.0 +TheBluePill,1408hpq,Can someone help me refute this article?,"Hello, I came across this article from that incels forum and even though I know of some information that is incorrect, I don't know how to respond to this, I would prefer detailed answers. + +https://incels.is/threads/females-are-psychopaths-a-socio-historic-review.483658/",,20,jaddenlaser-,1685873555.0 +TheBluePill,13sgm8f,Prime foids,,https://i.imgur.com/OfwMkbn.jpg,94,FoeHamma,1685115770.0 +TheBluePill,13o5uxg,Why Are The MGTOWs So Obsessed With Women? Just Go Your Own Way Already,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/13o5uxg,255,Banana1134-,1684702022.0 +TheBluePill,13kyrti,German women are Chads apparently,,https://i.redd.it/s45if3633k0b1.png,122,FoeHamma,1684415339.0 +TheBluePill,13dv7ls,The Red pill is a cult," + +Red Pill is a Cult that is brainwashing young men to be misogynist. + +This cult is based on evolutionary psychology, violating the is/ought problem , dehumanizing women and selfishness. + +Cult - a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister. + + +1. Rollo book the Rational male literally says its based on evolutionary psychology in the description on Amazon. Anyone who knows anything about science particularly soft sciences vs hard sciences knows that evolutionary psychology is a pseudoscience with a hypothesis that is not falsifiable. + +"" frequent criticism of evolutionary psychology is that its theories and assumptions are not falsifiable. One theory, for example, asserts that human social behavior is guided by specific evolved predispositions that were selected because they enhanced reproductive success during human evolutionary history"" + +Similar to religion, most young men aren't educated to combat such rhetoric because we don't teach it in schools just like the proposition of a God. Therefore Red Pillers can claim whatever they want unchallenged in regards to men and women in these spaces. + +Red pillers will misrepresent studies saying there's causation, refer to pseudoscience and would even refer to Feral children ( raised without any or very low socialization with some found in the wild ) if certain behaviors manifested that were in alignment with Red Pill belief but it doesn't.There's not many feral children so it's difficult to reach a firm conclusion but they all lack a sense of gender or even sexuality for most of them. I personally believe we undermine socialization not realizing without it we wouldn't resemble anything we expect today from a woman or man. Interestingly enough red pillers will claim that beauty standards for men and women are uniform across time appealing to evolutionary psychology. Meanwhile beauty standards have changed during history and are different around the world.Red pillers would never appeal to evolutionary psychology to explain the Greco-Roman period where pederasty/homosexuality was normalized,edo period where there was a 3rd gender called the wakashu and where homosexuality was normal etc.They only appeal when it benefits them. + +2. Red pillers often violate the is/ought problem. I don't know how many times I've seen Red Pillers say + +"" Men and women are different ( fill in the blank)"" + +That doesn't follow , if you told a Christian + +"" Men and women are different - therefore men should be able to sleep with other women in a relationship as a woman enjoys the security she's receiving in one"" + +That doesn't follow , it will fall upon deaf ears because the Chrisian hasnt agreed with the OUGHT. You can't provide descriptions and then give a prescription. We must first agree with the prescription. + +Even the most fundamental description that relies on our existence is the ability and wanting to procreate . You can't tell someone that your body is meant to procreate therefore men and women OUGHT to procreate turning it into a normative statement .You do not get oughts from descriptions . I've seen so many young men brainwashed speak with such indignation of this community saying "" men and women are different "" to say whatever they want looking at women with vitriol for not behaving as such . Another reason why this is a cult . + +3. This cult doesn't treat women like they are human. Kevin Samuel's telling men it's OK to physically discipline your wife if she consents even referencing Sean Connery. Red pillers telling men to leverage your wealth to treat women how they WOULDN'T want to be treated. + +Example + https://www.reddit.com/r/NotHowGirlsWork/comments/ymxuap/kevin_samuel_supporting_domestic_violence_i_know/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button + + This cult lacks character, it tells men to leverage your wealth even if it's exploitive to a woman's financial state to get what you want hence the passport bros and the like. Men who can't get modern women so they seek poor countries to exploit women making them into bang maids .This cult raises men to be a psychopath when it comes to women . I see this hang up on consent continually where any behavior is considered non-normative if she consents . + +4. Red pillers invoke concepts to actively shame men and women in order to coerce such as masculinity and femininity. When invoked these labels are to establish a normative perception of what one ought to do in virtue of their sex independent of being a good partner. + + For example , I've seen men be content as a masculine man because they make more money however their significant other needing help with child rearing , cooking or cleaning doesn't draw out this feeling of not being a masculine man . These labels are worthless making men weak . It's an effort to control a mass of people similar to a religion . Whatever entails a good partner is what we should strive for even if everything a good partner is considered feminine by some group . If being a feminine man entails a good partner by some group label then all men should be feminine or rather just ignore such labels that attempt to trigger some shame or guilt in virtue of sex. This is another reason why this is a cult . Men being brainwashed and bogged down mentally by concepts that are irrelevant",,267,No_Cricket_2824,1683734915.0 +TheBluePill,13b3n6t,UNO Reverse,,https://v.redd.it/hcp2kmsrriya1,240,LeadProfessional6429,1683495274.0 +TheBluePill,13ammyk,"Needing to PAY women to hang around you doesn't sound very alpha, just saying...",,https://i.redd.it/6as2dae97cya1.jpg,328,FoeHamma,1683463344.0 +TheBluePill,1388aby,Anime pfp moment,,https://i.redd.it/ap82rvifyuxa1.jpg,155,FoeHamma,1683254641.0 +TheBluePill,136q6b7,"When someone tells you who they are, believe them",,https://i.redd.it/q4scn48y5nxa1.jpg,207,FoeHamma,1683127026.0 +TheBluePill,136ut6k,(M)en (G)etting (T)riggered (O)ver (W)omen,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/136j8eo,35,FoeHamma,1683137257.0 +TheBluePill,1320z6z,"“If a 6’2” millionaire Chad can’t abuse his wife what hope is there for cheeto stained, beer gutted basement dwellers like me?”",,https://i.redd.it/rwq7d4jvsjwa1.jpg,345,FoeHamma,1682700191.0 +TheBluePill,13233uy,Rules for thee…,,https://i.redd.it/rlhiaz2zymwa1.jpg,19,FoeHamma,1682702207.0 +TheBluePill,12vd96r,I noticed something about manosphere types,"Maybe this is obvious to other people but I'm just noticing it. + +There's little to no mention about mental/intellectual connection. Just ""are they hot"" and ""do they have gender-normative skills"". Even when talking about LTRs. Hell many don't want college educated women. + +I get it if you're just looking for hookups. But do people really think relationships or marriages stand on hotness and how well she can cook and keep house/how much he makes? That couples just don't talk outside of hubby/wifey things? + +It strikes me because my parents basically had a trad/redpill type relationship, but from what I'm told, there was a lot of mental respect. My dad talked to my mom about his (highly technical) work and had a lot of respect for the (non domestic) skills she had that he didn't. They had adjacent educations, actually met at a college reunion and then didn't talk for months because both were busy with their careers before they settled down. + +Indeed I was always told that ""smart men like smart women"", and that those scenarios where a wealthy, educated man runs off with his hot secretary often don't work out because of the educational divide - sure she keeps house and is great in bed but when those are done...there isn't really anything. + +I mean at least some guys go mask off and think women aren't worth talking to unless you want to sleep with them. Others suggest that ""things in common"" come after you establish how feminine she is and once she's put out. Maybe all of this would be dismissed as bluepill delusion on my part, but I was reflecting and the lack of even mentioning it in the context or marriage/ LTRs got to me.",,162,AllTooHuman65,1682185003.0 +TheBluePill,12rtpua,What do incels have against girls who listen to Pink Floyd?,,https://i.redd.it/wnf8h0tjzuua1.jpg,329,FoeHamma,1681911741.0 +TheBluePill,12ohd0o,"The ""I go to Asian countries to meet women because I can't get laid at home"" starter pack",,https://i.redd.it/pag88xqkdxta1.jpg,252,FoeHamma,1681664682.0 +TheBluePill,12nagj2,Incels exist across all species,,https://i.redd.it/trbjkrrx02ua1.jpg,174,FoeHamma,1681576821.0 +TheBluePill,12jnvwd,Game over,,https://i.redd.it/exj0zbs7xgta1.jpg,200,FoeHamma,1681309554.0 +TheBluePill,12jpwsf,Incel for life 🤙,,https://i.redd.it/efc2v5h3c7p91.jpg,73,FoeHamma,1681313692.0 +TheBluePill,12hpm1d,Eau d’incel,,https://i.redd.it/n0mlgmsrbxsa1.jpg,203,FoeHamma,1681147589.0 +TheBluePill,12fxl37,Who wants to tell him that Hans Landa was the bad guy?,,https://i.redd.it/vyassrc6vosa1.jpg,153,FoeHamma,1680986012.0 +TheBluePill,120kedf,Incelephant,,https://i.redd.it/oq0qmqezllpa1.jpg,325,FoeHamma,1679664706.0 +TheBluePill,120jcqc,"Weirdos complaining about the ""ugliness"" of women in the Resident Evil 4 remake. Guy in the first tweet is defending the new designs, he then gets flooded with insults saying how they look hideous and how he loves ugly women.",,https://i.redd.it/r72c0hxekmpa1.png,264,FoeHamma,1679662391.0 +TheBluePill,11xmby5,Some things never change,,https://i.redd.it/ztez44vw9moa1.png,195,FoeHamma,1679416678.0 +TheBluePill,11utw7e,I've noticed a double standard.,"Why do ""red pill"" types criticize women dating multiple guys, only for them to date multiple women and encourage their subscribers to do so? It's like they create the very single mothers they go on to complain about.",,216,CaliforniaMan2017,1679159323.0 +TheBluePill,11rz6n8,Female soldiers are based,,https://i.redd.it/0xknamvn1vna1.png,278,FoeHamma,1678892942.0 +TheBluePill,11r7zqn,Make Women Great Again,,https://i.imgur.com/jneptof.jpg,180,FoeHamma,1678805000.0 +TheBluePill,11mweqq,"I did not expect the second paper to go live just days after the first one, but here is the SECOND paper published regarding our TRP research project (this one is a qualitative methodology guideline paper)",,https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/16094069231162674,60,BluePillResearchProj,1678378883.0 +TheBluePill,11kogyw,"As promised, here is the (first, another one in press) article published from our project which recruited here!",,https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10926771.2023.2186302,45,BluePillResearchProj,1678161664.0 +TheBluePill,11a3fh3,Guy calls real women “fat” and “disgusting”. Seeks out AI girlfriend instead not noticing AI rated him a 1.5,,https://i.redd.it/1uk2g71z10ka1.jpg,234,FoeHamma,1677173489.0 +TheBluePill,116k76t,"“It's women's fault that my dick is small!""",,https://i.redd.it/4h2wr7w4o6ja1.jpg,266,FoeHamma,1676831502.0 +TheBluePill,10sqof1,Removing himself from the gene pool,,https://i.redd.it/ns8vqkp9zmfa1.jpg,201,FoeHamma,1675447140.0 +TheBluePill,10qh9re,What too much redpill does to a mf,,https://i.redd.it/iqik5vmcyifa1.jpg,358,[deleted],1675216369.0 +TheBluePill,10ikexp,The Redpill 1 Year Later,"Long Post Incoming + +This is a throwaway. I'll be deleting this soon. + +Don't know if this post will be allowed but this place seems to be as good as any. Kind of a vent. Kind of asking for advice I guess. + +I'm a male in my 20s. I never really considered myself RP but fuck it I might as well be at this point. About a year ago I started watching RP/Manosphere content. I still remember the video but I have no idea what I was watching that would have the algorithm suggest it in the first. + +I wish I never watched that fucking video. + +At first I watched it the content pretty casually. Maybe like half a dozen videos a week. I thought it was funny. Just women being kind of shitty people or making cringe videos complaining about men. There were plenty of videos out there about guys doing the same and complaining about women so there didn't seem like there was anything wrong with it. Slowly, though, I started to believe what I was being told. In my own head I started looking down on other women thinking ""I bet she just wants a man to pay her bills"" or ""She never give me the time of day, I'm not a Chad"". I've been single most of my life. Never had much desire for marriage or kids but after watching RP content I pretty much became militant about it. Holding on to my mentality that marriage and children are the dumbest decisions a man can make. + +When I noticed I was changing I tried pulling back and I did for a month or two. Then it just happened again. I got sucked into. But it was worse. Every waking minute of my freetime I was watching more content and more creators. Then i found myself on reddit after being a lurker for sometime. I didn't immediately go looking for more RP. Instead, I found myself on subs like r/PurplePillDebate and r/TwoXChromosomes. + +And I found out that so much of what I was told was bullshit. About Hypergamy. AF/BB. Women looking for the most alpha partner they can find. It was bullshit. I wished it stopped there but this is where things turned because the more time I spent in those subs, the more I learned about women...and men. + +- Women were less likely to cheat the men. + +- Women were less likely to leave their partners after a serious injury then men. + +- Women were happier being single then men. + +- Women were more social then men. + +- Women matured and developed faster than men + +- Men are the majority of violent crimes in the world. + +- Men were more likely to commit self-deletion. + +I'll admit I was looking for something that men did better than women. Not because I wanted to feel superior but more like, women are better than men at one thing and men are better than women at something else so it evens out. I didn't find much. Physical strength that's obvious. We're even in overall intelligence. But looking at all of this information took me from looking down on women to now feeling like they've been looking down on me. I know this is all in my head, I know that. But it never stops. + +Over the past couple of weeks I've just felt a rage and hatred in me that I didn't even know existed. Towards men. Towards women. Towards myself. Just everyone. It's cooldown a bit over the last few day. It's mostly depression, self-loathing, and self-pity now. The funny thing is I never thought any of this before watching RP content. My whole life I always viewed men and women as equals. I never had a reason to think different. + +So after a whole year, here I am. Filled with anger, bitterness, and defeatism that I have no idea what to do. I still doomscroll the subs. I still watch the videos. It's like I'm trying to give myself a reason to be angry and stay hateful. My insecurities at an all time high. My self-worth fucking obliterated. No idea what to do now but open to whatever advice anyone has. + + +EDIT: + +Hi all. It's been about 2 months since I made this post. This is for anyone new or returning to this post. I probably won't respond much since I'm trying to use social media sparingly. Like many commentors suggested I'm trying to get offline for awhile. + +A quick update on how things are going on my end. I've stopped watching RP videos. It's hard because I still think about it but I know that if I start doing it again it won't stop with just one video. I'm talking to a therapist on Betterhelp. I did look up some reviews about the site and I know there's some controversy surrounding it. I've been mindful about this but my therapist seems good so far and has been helping me work through some of my issues. It's slow but I do feel like things are getting better.",,202,[deleted],1674396362.0 +TheBluePill,10ha7ju,“Western women have been ruined by feminism!” 1920’s edition,,https://i.redd.it/21laefv9h5da1.png,334,FoeHamma,1674252812.0 +TheBluePill,10dfg9s,Cum is stored in the titties,,https://i.redd.it/wnz1iii2jaca1.jpg,209,FoeHamma,1673878122.0 +TheBluePill,10dn3eq,I Interviewed Rollo Tomassi,,https://www.gameglobal.net/rollo-tomassi-the-red-pill/,2,Ice666White,1673893325.0 +TheBluePill,10clws8,Commenting on a one-way mirror in a women's restroom in China,,https://i.redd.it/g3hka0gl18ca1.png,163,humanzookeeping,1673794919.0 +TheBluePill,10b9gyl,Ex-nice guys reacting to Megamind (aka the movie every incel needs to watch and internalize),,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjpxlBRbhXs,53,FoeHamma,1673653676.0 +TheBluePill,10ayzni,future school shooter,,https://v.redd.it/gc7w26pe1tba1,112,FoeHamma,1673628002.0 +TheBluePill,10b3tcx,I made a story about Nice guys vs bad boys with Chat GPT,"The town was divided into two groups: the ""nice guys"" and the ""bad boys."" The nice guys were known for their kind hearts and good deeds, always willing to help others in need. The bad boys, on the other hand, were notorious for their wild ways and reckless behavior. + +One day, a group of women from the town decided to hold a contest to determine which group was truly worthy of their affection. The nice guys and bad boys both accepted the challenge, each determined to prove their worth. + +The contest began, and the nice guys quickly took the lead with their acts of kindness and generosity. They helped the elderly with their groceries, cleaned up the park, and even raised money for a local charity. The bad boys, however, were not to be outdone. They organized a wild party and invited everyone in the town to attend. The party was a huge success and everyone had a great time. + +As the contest drew to a close, the women were torn between the two groups. On one hand, the nice guys had shown their true hearts, but on the other hand, the bad boys had shown that they knew how to have a good time. + +Suddenly, an unexpected arrival shook the town. A man known as ""Gigachad"" appeared on the scene. He was tall, muscular, and handsome, and he quickly caught the attention of all the women in the town. He was a man of few words but his actions spoke for themselves. He climbed the highest mountain in the area, saved a child from a burning building, and even helped to build a new community center. + +The competition was fierce as the nice guys and bad boys both tried to impress the women and win their affection. But in the end, it was Gigachad who emerged victorious. He had shown that true strength and kindness could coexist, and the women couldn't resist his charm. The nice guys and bad boys both accepted defeat gracefully and the town was united once again. But this time, with a new hero who had shown them that true strength and kindness can coexist, and that is what truly wins the heart of a woman. + +The end.",,25,Steve77307,1673639783.0 +TheBluePill,109zu7i,“little sister girlfriend”,,https://i.redd.it/7ekc7e4rkiba1.jpg,152,FoeHamma,1673530628.0 +TheBluePill,1081ln1,Why so many young men won't listen to the left,,https://i.redd.it/19wvmtyui5ba1.png,352,snarkerposey11,1673328403.0 +TheBluePill,107l599,f e m a l e s,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1072plu,159,FoeHamma,1673287376.0 +TheBluePill,zypm9v,I was not expecting this fantastic outcome.,,https://i.imgur.com/Enmhsqh.jpg,487,FoeHamma,1672370742.0 +TheBluePill,ztm823,Edgelord prime,,https://i.redd.it/0xjx5uh9ul7a1.jpg,304,FoeHamma,1671814411.0 +TheBluePill,ztlx93,Least horny Facebook user,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/zt41fi,65,FoeHamma,1671813728.0 +TheBluePill,zss3a2,The worst part of America is females not being submissive,,https://i.redd.it/252of3hufc7a1.jpg,463,FoeHamma,1671731131.0 +TheBluePill,z28nr7,"I’m out here looking for a dessert woman, but all the 6’4 white boys keep stealing them ☹️",,https://i.redd.it/ek8bl1r4rd1a1.png,123,FoeHamma,1669159458.0 +TheBluePill,yvg7do,Incels as harmful self-radicalizing cult: Disturbed young men hammering their faces to improve their looks,,https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11421039/Disturbed-young-men-incel-cult-hammering-faces-bid-improve-looks.html,147,FoeHamma,1668468453.0 +TheBluePill,y8fjf6,The self hatred is real,,https://i.redd.it/3l1paok8npu91.png,74,FoeHamma,1666216337.0 +TheBluePill,y46exs,The only destruction of the redpill you'll ever need,,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE3dtG4XEeI,35,DebonairDeistagain,1665784493.0 +TheBluePill,y3iuqo,He said what ?,,https://i.redd.it/l2inchycket91.jpg,271,[deleted],1665718416.0 +TheBluePill,y3g69f,"You probably already know, but it’s so ironic how they use the red/blue pill as a way to ridicule feminists and lgbtq+ people without realizing that the matrix was a analogy for being trans",,https://youtube.com/shorts/cZoDV6_2mtU?feature=share,47,NotSpanishInqusition,1665710744.0 +TheBluePill,y1b76y,Alpha Mentality,All of the information on Alpha mentality is based on completely debunked information about wolves and the physiology and sociology of their species is completely untrue and any one who claims to be an alpha is completely speaking on a basis of falsehood.,,123,No-Choice9924,1665500238.0 +TheBluePill,xy1bjr,The Fantasy Where She Comes Crawling Back,"This is just a thinky post because I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and my brain is doing weird shit. + +A while back I noticed that every time there's a Reddit post about a woman leaving a man, the incels/redpillers in the thread really go ham on the ""Just wait till Chad pumps and dumps her and she comes crawling back! Spit in her face!"" fantasy. It occurred to me recently that it might be the most important belief these twits have. + +So they think women are always looking to trade up. We're supposedly always looking around for someone better so we can just chuck out our old partner like yesterday's garbage. + +But at the same time, they also believe women are continually depreciating. We're hags by 30. We're such gross old crones that there's no way we could possibly get a better man. If you follow their logic, we'd be trading *down* all our lives as our ""value"" decreases. + +So how are we supposedly doing all this hypergamy? Enter the pump and dump fantasy. We *thought* we were getting a better man, but he was just slumming to get some ass, and we're going to learn a hard lesson and come crawling back. + +Never mind that the way a lot of these OPs describe themselves and their behavior, a lot of these women are probably going to run for the hills and never even *look* back. Hell, even if the next relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't mean she's going back to the ex. But they have to imagine it to resolve the cognitive dissonance.",,105,greeneyedwench,1665154697.0 +TheBluePill,xs3un9,"Women always win, no matter what 😭",,https://i.redd.it/ghb12unmdyq91.jpg,69,FoeHamma,1664550699.0 +TheBluePill,xkbq8f,what are the color pills mean,I have no idea what any of this red blue purple black pill stuff is but what do any of them mean cause I’ve only heard red,,48,powerfulchris07,1663782369.0 +TheBluePill,xi92pa,Wherein guys mansplain about paps and whether or not women experience pain at the gyno.......you can't make this shit up,,https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/xhj6qq/feminist_implies_that_a_medical_device_for/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,108,SabineLavine,1663586141.0 +TheBluePill,xcn2ca,When incels attack,,https://v.redd.it/7sihtr3d7fn91,284,FoeHamma,1663014125.0 +TheBluePill,xc11c4,This was posted after India's Supreme Court made marital rape illegal,,https://i.redd.it/sfun7p0od8n91.jpg,333,FoeHamma,1662950110.0 +TheBluePill,x8jdng,Peak Reddit moment,,https://i.redd.it/iz5t8228ugm91.jpg,175,FoeHamma,1662591737.0 +TheBluePill,x8gscu,The Apex Incel,,https://i.redd.it/wp5zulz3h9m91.jpg,199,FoeHamma,1662585397.0 +TheBluePill,x8hw1x,They good girls,,https://i.redd.it/u6gu92gzwfm91.jpg,80,FoeHamma,1662588051.0 +TheBluePill,x36yna,Men would you feel insecure if a girl wanted to incorporate dildos/penis sleeves in the bedroom?,,/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x2v5u9/men_would_you_feel_insecure_if_a_girl_wanted_to/,65,yoganurse21,1662036916.0 +TheBluePill,x14smo,"Am I so out of touch? No, it's the femoids who are wrong!",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/x0x7nk,136,FoeHamma,1661819831.0 +TheBluePill,wzd63m,Comment on a 17 y/o young woman’s unexpected pregnancy,,https://i.redd.it/wa98h4asjbk91.jpg,217,yeyeku,1661633435.0 +TheBluePill,wyb619,Smooth as sandpaper,,https://i.redd.it/acqa4fz9ayj91.jpg,222,FoeHamma,1661525385.0 +TheBluePill,wwl47i,Sometimes a meme draws them out,,https://i.redd.it/1g2shgeyfhj91.png,173,FoeHamma,1661351577.0 +TheBluePill,wuu5w3,“Only I’M allowed to have standards! ME!!”,,https://i.redd.it/v6c6k2ohx4j91.jpg,200,FoeHamma,1661176147.0 +TheBluePill,wtamva,Is 'redpill' getting mainstream in new gen?,"I was talking to my teenage cousin and he casually refers and categorizes his friends as 'beta' and 'alpha'. + +He also talks about how muscle building and boxing etc are 'alpha' hobbies and painting, cooking etc are for betas. + +He is just damn 15. He doesnt know about this redpill thing. + +Also im seeing increasingly common casual references to redpill theories in youtube videos presented as facts. + +Is this fringe getting maintream among newer generation?",,226,Immediate_Bee_4650,1661011430.0 +TheBluePill,wrihsf,A neckbeard is mad that there are women the play games and have kids,,https://i.redd.it/7sjr723p5fi91.jpg,359,FoeHamma,1660826243.0 +TheBluePill,wqpge7,This went downhill fast,,https://i.redd.it/y2qr3bxr28i91.jpg,270,FoeHamma,1660744106.0 +TheBluePill,wpa9qz,Asian girls are resistant to Chad’s alpha charm,,https://i.redd.it/6m4sreut0rh91.jpg,236,FoeHamma,1660595985.0 +TheBluePill,wmkydu,Imagine telling on yourself like this,,https://i.redd.it/zr8sws80w9h91.jpg,320,FoeHamma,1660309927.0 +TheBluePill,wmlyut,I’m a horrible person and it’s the entire female gender’s fault!,,https://i.redd.it/26nx3iryx7h91.jpg,41,FoeHamma,1660312752.0 +TheBluePill,wjywot,"Wife tells husband she hates having sex with him, reluctantly does it when he asks and cries in the bathroom for 90 minutes when they finish.","https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/wg1ypj/wife_puts_out_anytime_i_ask_but_its_always/ + +I have OP the benefit of the doubt, and he's even worse that this OP let's on. See my comments history for the chat thread (if you can stomach it).",,179,[deleted],1660037620.0 +TheBluePill,wjxkh9,"Twerp raises feminist, makes PowerPoint presentation about how she should navigate her sex and dating life - sub laughs him out the door.","https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/wbbe9y/so_i_made_a_thing_some_people_might_find_useful/ + +Best one I've seen in a while.",,34,[deleted],1660032491.0 +TheBluePill,whrzyf,Hopefully this fits this sub,Andrew Tate getting to a lot of guys heads lol,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/whrzyf,186,LeafySeaDragonLSD,1659802568.0 +TheBluePill,wg40e9,Seems legit,,https://i.redd.it/vcf82gm7enf91.jpg,397,FoeHamma,1659626658.0 +TheBluePill,wena9x,Posted by a totally real Japan woman,,https://i.redd.it/wdnnkokd18f91.png,159,FoeHamma,1659474744.0 +TheBluePill,we9yi8,A hit dog always hollers,,https://v.redd.it/ri7ahj789bf91,127,FoeHamma,1659441989.0 +TheBluePill,wds6rp,How to extract the maximum amount of sex out of women 🤮,,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/wdhtck/how_to_extract_the_maximum_amount_of_sex_out_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3,76,equalityworldwide,1659387164.0 +TheBluePill,w9ghys,Oh no my date didn't like my book recommendation that is a massive mysognistic dogwhistle where did I go wrong :(,,/r/JordanPeterson/comments/w8wrbf/a_date_left_and_stopped_talking_to_me_because_i/,321,iHokage,1658932789.0 +TheBluePill,w9pwe3,TIL Majin Buu from DBZ was an incel,,https://v.redd.it/tuhondn7nzd91,18,FoeHamma,1658955720.0 +TheBluePill,w87te5,“SJWs are ruining comics!” circa 1968,,https://i.redd.it/l0g5y25cpid91.jpg,265,FoeHamma,1658803010.0 +TheBluePill,w7nvla,"Well, at least he’s pro-choice…",,https://i.redd.it/is6157l7kjd91.jpg,238,FoeHamma,1658752613.0 +TheBluePill,w6d9y8,"A comic made by an incel, deep in his mother's basement.",,https://i.redd.it/hc5rm5eph9d91.jpg,415,FoeHamma,1658607924.0 +TheBluePill,w6dh6o,"It’s gay to be straight, according to Mr. Anime pfp",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/w697rh,31,FoeHamma,1658608495.0 +TheBluePill,w5asdp,Since when does rape cause physical pain?,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/w4qwbc,304,FoeHamma,1658496874.0 +TheBluePill,w4h27l,Tuna wallets,,https://i.redd.it/8bhm7sd0vqc91.jpg,92,FoeHamma,1658411014.0 +TheBluePill,w44tec,"Oh, how the turn tables!",,https://i.redd.it/voizijnq5mc91.png,435,FoeHamma,1658370488.0 +TheBluePill,w1zhgj,"🎶Lower your standards, make it your job, don’t demand perfection from her, if you look like a slob 🎶",,https://i.redd.it/c2alu636b7c91.jpg,197,FoeHamma,1658151186.0 +TheBluePill,vzs6cv,I love it when the trash takes itself out,,https://i.redd.it/mgilnkd21qb91.jpg,30,FoeHamma,1657900796.0 +TheBluePill,vxfg52,No more Mr Nice Guy,,https://i.redd.it/vvde77a5kxa91.jpg,345,FoeHamma,1657643676.0 +TheBluePill,vwilc4,Berries and cream!,,https://i.redd.it/75m52npy2xa91.png,138,FoeHamma,1657546492.0 +TheBluePill,vvuqbc,"Standards for me, but not for thee!",,https://i.redd.it/66vc4xrogoa91.jpg,305,FoeHamma,1657469333.0 +TheBluePill,vsrbp7,*PARTICIPANTS WANTED* I'm looking for members of the manosphere to take part in my survey on experience in the manosphere & perceptions on the incel community as part of my MSc dissertation. Survey should take 10-20 minutes to complete & all responses are anonymous,,https://uclan.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6h5S17Tx4lMJt0W,34,TrickMedia6392,1657117726.0 +TheBluePill,vryul8,Western woman bad,,https://i.redd.it/zwzvvrhguq991.png,542,FoeHamma,1657030452.0 +TheBluePill,vrzs9g,Gumdrop,,https://i.redd.it/93v4p2dtyk991.jpg,48,FoeHamma,1657033045.0 +TheBluePill,vrzxbh,Too much cream,,https://i.redd.it/mi79dz09vq991.png,23,FoeHamma,1657033397.0 +TheBluePill,vr7rml,Mf needs to get a better hobby,,https://i.redd.it/yi6u7dg3pj991.jpg,388,FoeHamma,1656942280.0 +TheBluePill,vr7u7l,Bitches love radioactive green soda,,https://i.redd.it/6nqcp03ypj991.jpg,74,FoeHamma,1656942504.0 +TheBluePill,vooig7,Münecat debunking the manosphere,,https://youtu.be/BgO25FTwfRI,74,noratat,1656639043.0 +TheBluePill,vnspqj,Mask off,,https://i.redd.it/ya3xwfxm6o891.jpg,173,FoeHamma,1656543155.0 +TheBluePill,vjojfc,The gay agenda strikes again!,,https://i.redd.it/m8ssrfbooj791.jpg,285,FoeHamma,1656077470.0 +TheBluePill,vj234u,Chinese Hitler,,https://v.redd.it/gymh0wsnp7791,142,FoeHamma,1656004856.0 +TheBluePill,vipph8,"In light of the Roe V. Wade ruling most likely being passed down tomorrow morning, I've created a directory of women and LGBT safe healthcare practitioners in the US called The Pink Book. I need the community's help with gathering information so this directory can grow.",,http://pinkbook.us,29,MisogynyisaDisease,1655963445.0 +TheBluePill,vgp7ep,"If you’re a virgin, be a CHAD virgin",,https://i.redd.it/1vbvm2wy8q691.jpg,389,FoeHamma,1655741800.0 +TheBluePill,vgoyp0,What too much porn does to a mf,,https://i.redd.it/qru8le3d7q691.jpg,72,FoeHamma,1655741173.0 +TheBluePill,vgp8ta,“Why don’t girls like me?” 😢,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/vgan1q,19,FoeHamma,1655741904.0 +TheBluePill,vgv2g9,The Neckbeard Messiah,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/vgtdum,8,FoeHamma,1655757187.0 +TheBluePill,veklok,Why don’t the grils like me?,,https://i.redd.it/0zpp15rxd3691.jpg,461,FoeHamma,1655485031.0 +TheBluePill,vap81c,Nice Guy - a love song,,https://v.redd.it/ar9zrliak1591,145,FoeHamma,1655050258.0 +TheBluePill,v9yp2t,A Tale of two Tweets,,https://i.redd.it/968kvbje1w491.jpg,338,FoeHamma,1654957665.0 +TheBluePill,v9b2ek,4channer has an epiphany,,https://i.redd.it/bkvihy6uqk491.jpg,222,FoeHamma,1654877027.0 +TheBluePill,v7s06x,"Ukrainian women don’t twerk, eat hot chip, and lie",,https://i.redd.it/12jn7xfx2b491.jpg,213,FoeHamma,1654701399.0 +TheBluePill,v72uz7,Tell me you’ve never felt a woman’s touch without telling me,,https://i.redd.it/9ud5l45jm8491.jpg,388,Banana1134-,1654624469.0 +TheBluePill,v68a1h,He’s “tried” to be a great person,,https://i.redd.it/q4tkey7gl7az.jpg,160,FoeHamma,1654535096.0 +TheBluePill,v58ctu,Is this person making a case for female disposability? And how the fuck is TRP misandrist?,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/v58ctu,59,[deleted],1654414237.0 +TheBluePill,v4qewx,“Why do girls only like jerks?”- Senator Ted Cruz,,https://i.redd.it/hgf31esqam391.jpg,417,FoeHamma,1654354151.0 +TheBluePill,v1qrfz,Dont waste your fertile years running around,,https://i.redd.it/2mapxnb9ns291.png,298,FoeHamma,1654005100.0 +TheBluePill,v1uwp3,No visible tiddies = “mannish”,,https://i.redd.it/iv79dth5iq291.jpg,19,FoeHamma,1654016484.0 +TheBluePill,v0foxw,"Boobs, what are they good for?",,https://i.redd.it/ma6jnrh2l7291.jpg,291,FoeHamma,1653844313.0 +TheBluePill,v09h4a,"It's exclusively men who do these shootings, but of course it's women's fault! So sick of being blamed for male violence.",,https://nypost.com/2022/05/27/we-overlook-a-significant-factor-in-mass-shootings-fatherlessness/,275,SabineLavine,1653824737.0 +TheBluePill,uz1nf4,Twitter moment,,https://i.redd.it/7ys0miu8nv191.jpg,118,FoeHamma,1653667928.0 +TheBluePill,uxkmra,"He’s willing to do anything to get laid, except be a better person",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/uxirc0,129,FoeHamma,1653494638.0 +TheBluePill,utjg26,Naww man wtf is this,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/utjg26,158,No_Nobody_8948,1653014247.0 +TheBluePill,utd7fy,Saying the quiet part out loud,,https://i.redd.it/z0eanlbntf091.jpg,205,FoeHamma,1652994760.0 +TheBluePill,utdewa,🐎🙋‍♀️🫦😩💦,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/utcat2,72,FoeHamma,1652995352.0 +TheBluePill,urmssc,"""Hmmmm I'd better write 'as a Japanese girl' ten million times so they know for sure that I'm a Japanese girl.""",,https://i.redd.it/2mbmhghesvz81.jpg,255,FoeHamma,1652795092.0 +TheBluePill,urns3c,"Just your average religious neckbeard, Wonder If there's even an chance It's satire.",,https://i.redd.it/cmyq3536usz81.png,96,FoeHamma,1652797936.0 +TheBluePill,urnk2y,What all Japanese girls fantasize about,,https://i.redd.it/90rstanhq0091.png,41,FoeHamma,1652797287.0 +TheBluePill,urofyw,The Truth about Red Pill Truths,"I am in the final stages of getting my anti-red pill book ready for publication on June 8th. To appease the analytics Gods, I must have honest reviews ready to go on game day. This is an anti-red pill book, but it is not a ""red pill is evil"" book. It's a scientific and logical analysis of red pill claims. If you are interested, read e-books, and can leave a star review and a single sentence, then I am asking you to be a Advanced Reader for my book. Advanced e-book copies are going out today. Here is the blurb: + +>From the accomplishments of feminism to the dynamics of the modern dating market, Red Pill and the larger Manosphere claim that everything we have been taught about women, society, and seduction is a lie. Within Red Pill, the concepts of Alpha-Seed, Beta-Need and the Feminine Imperative are accepted as gospel. Red Pill men are shown how masculinity is under attack and are instructed to always maintain their Frame to avoid becoming the dreaded blue-pilled beta cuck. But how many of Red Pill's ""truths"" are based in the actual science and data that Red Pill so staunchly claims it to be? How much of Red Pill is real... and how much is pure fiction, wrapping its followers in even more of the lies it claims to be freeing them of? +> +>Taking on the truths of Red Pill head-on to see if they can stand up to the tests of scientific investigation, rationality, and logic, *Red Pill Ideology* seeks to understand the underlying foundational beliefs and motivations of Red Pill men with the same thoroughness that Red Pill claims to understand women.  + +I have posted an excerpt on my website so you can see if you like my writing style, with my contact info at the bottom: [https://cynthiapayne.webnode.page/red-pill-ideology/](https://cynthiapayne.webnode.page/red-pill-ideology/) Thank you in advance. + +&#x200B; + +https://preview.redd.it/nfuzpb2qw1091.jpg?width=2813&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=301080caf614440ca3138501fd9f8dc1de0a4f3e",,25,Newbie1955,1652799829.0 +TheBluePill,uqdxju,Incel harasses people at the gym and then gets kicked out,,https://v.redd.it/v18qca1fsfz81,184,FoeHamma,1652644150.0 +TheBluePill,uo3uoz,Kevin samuels once said that 90% of people in mid-level positions and higher in corporations are married.,Is there an actual statistic out there or is all this just horse shit?,,49,alexanderwanxiety,1652369746.0 +TheBluePill,ung3uh,How to destroy a sexually frustrated misogynist in 1 simple step,,https://i.redd.it/2942zhziovy81.jpg,331,FoeHamma,1652292629.0 +TheBluePill,unhoqb,He wish he redpilled himself sooner to take massive sexual advantage,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/unhoqb,9,One_Prudent_Student,1652296960.0 +TheBluePill,umpgcv,Waman are so hipocritical!!,,https://i.redd.it/0r9m52tstiy81.jpg,378,FoeHamma,1652207708.0 +TheBluePill,ujttow,"If they hate modernism so much, why are they posting on twitter?",,https://i.redd.it/zs4iksgv3ox81.jpg,318,FoeHamma,1651861408.0 +TheBluePill,ujtq8z,I don’t think Jesus would approve of this…,,https://i.redd.it/pphp5urokqx81.jpg,89,FoeHamma,1651861143.0 +TheBluePill,uj8k4f,"Ladies, pm me if you’ve haven’t met your 10 dick minimum yet",,https://i.redd.it/x9yfuoi0mmx81.jpg,138,FoeHamma,1651788297.0 +TheBluePill,ujijzn,Controversial YouTuber Kevin Samuels passes away,,https://www.revolt.tv/article/2022-05-05/167282/controversial-youtuber-kevin-samuels-passes-away/?amp,3,alexanderwanxiety,1651824590.0 +TheBluePill,uduy4n,"Meet Lesco, 31",,https://i.redd.it/1nmlwgiuy5w81.jpg,257,FoeHamma,1651152325.0 +TheBluePill,udv6ds,"Careful, we got a “real” gamer here.",,https://i.redd.it/5qqukp4jx3w81.jpg,93,FoeHamma,1651153007.0 +TheBluePill,ubqyal,Incel Prime,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/ubhagf,133,FoeHamma,1650908862.0 +TheBluePill,ubsctj,whats a good way to handle your date ordering something expensive,"this may be the wrong sub but im curious how to handle your date racking up a bill, whether ordering something expensive from the menu or getting lots of drinks at the bar etc. whats a good defense without appearing cheap",,12,somethinlikeshieva,1650912634.0 +TheBluePill,u3lu40,"Fellas, is it gay to have sex with a girl?",,https://i.redd.it/7siall6urit81.jpg,265,FoeHamma,1649954883.0 +TheBluePill,u3woi5,Women gain sexual pleasure from the pain that is inflicted upon them.,[https://incels.is/threads/women-gain-sexual-pleasure-from-the-pain-that-is-inflicted-upon-them.254271/?fbclid=IwAR3SyrOFpSmtllbJKpMxb4zA1U6f-pa0uG4tjvqaAulRn2JMwRKg3tMU7BY](https://incels.is/threads/women-gain-sexual-pleasure-from-the-pain-that-is-inflicted-upon-them.254271/?fbclid=IwAR3SyrOFpSmtllbJKpMxb4zA1U6f-pa0uG4tjvqaAulRn2JMwRKg3tMU7BY),,10,Vast_Honey6450,1649986117.0 +TheBluePill,u1aspm,A wild communist incel appears!,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/u0psto,66,FoeHamma,1649692243.0 +TheBluePill,tz7elt,“This would solve the incel problem”,,https://i.redd.it/mkssxi6fe7s81.jpg,418,FoeHamma,1649435284.0 +TheBluePill,twwahg,The three act plot structure,,https://i.redd.it/57ji3vduiir81.jpg,356,FoeHamma,1649169073.0 +TheBluePill,tonimx,"Women, aren't hypergamous they have more options while having o lower libido.","I think most redpillers don't realise how female sexuality works. + + Women are flooded with *""a firing squad of dicks""* . This, ofcourse happens to be because of 1) men being hornier, i.e more hunger for sex, hence more guys using dating apps. And 2) the prevalence of online date rape. + 70% of users are male on tinder. + + +https://onlineforlove.com/tinder-statistics/?vid=afiOr0Jyuv97MGIvR388dsdGX9x&n=10wDm2lPZsFi&utm_term=afiOr0Jyuv97MGIvR388dsdGX9x#tinder-users-activity + +Women also are more conservative in choosing as + + +https://safer-america.com/sexual-assault-online-dating-apps-what-you-can-do-to-stay-protected/ + +So out of that women that do give it a shot , give it to the most attractive guy. Hence a 5/10 woman going for a 7/10 guy compared to the 5/10 guy + +If the situations were reversed, or say a guy is given the chance between dating a 5 or 7, him being a 5 himself, who do you think he is gonna go for ? + + +Now hypergamy would mean there is no such thing as love. Which would mean a woman would leave the 7/10 guy as soon as a 10/10(personality /looks/money) comes along. No matter is she has kids with guy, loves him or not. Hence ""it's just your turn bro"". + +So why does the Japanese princess marry a commoner ? + +https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/wireStory/japans-princess-mako-marries-commoner-loses-royal-status-80783974 + +why does sudha Murthy carry her husband through 11 years of debt before he is a millionaire ? + +why are most women marrying within their socioeconomic status ? + +https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2019/08/assortative-mating-and-trait-covariation-EHB-2019.pdf + +And don't come with me with the alpha fucks beta bucks so woman cheats on beta cause men cheat more. + +https://haywoodhunt.ca/infidelity-statistics-for-2020-do-women-or-men-cheat-more/ + +There is no hypergamy, there is a flood of horny men looking for sex, a minority of women looking for sex, which leads women going for the best option, and a flood of scared women looking for emotional connection. + +If hypergamy existed solely in women, you would also have lesbian incels, but you don't. + +This might help you understand it. + +https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/ilex24/comment/g3tgxz8/ + +Read the comment by [u/puffalupagus]",,100,[deleted],1648297861.0 +TheBluePill,tngskc,The first link disproves them. They interpreted 40% rise (= 12 % overall) as 40 % of women cheating.,,https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/tjcmyo/excerpts_relating_body_count_to_infidelity_why/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,24,[deleted],1648194214.0 +TheBluePill,tggosa,"If I ever start a class teaching teenage boys about how to approach women, I’m using this as exhibit A on what NOT to do",,https://i.redd.it/9d7u67rn3zn81.jpg,244,FoeHamma,1647541449.0 +TheBluePill,tc174e,Nice guy has it worse than holocaust victims and slaves,,https://i.imgur.com/BqmIsuv.jpg,219,FoeHamma,1647035809.0 +TheBluePill,tb1wcs,“Why don’t girls like me?”,,https://i.redd.it/2aa1nc4twfm81.jpg,397,FoeHamma,1646928090.0 +TheBluePill,takqni,Only women are loved,,https://archive.ph/e9ube,33,[deleted],1646868690.0 +TheBluePill,t7chvt,"I copied a post from female dating strategy, switched out a few words, and now it's the top post on TRP.","Original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t77kfl/why\_we\_need\_to\_decenter\_men\_from\_our\_life\_yes/](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/t77kfl/why_we_need_to_decenter_men_from_our_life_yes/) + +Copy (+27 upvotes): [https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/t7aueh/why\_we\_need\_to\_decenter\_women\_from\_our\_life\_yes/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/t7aueh/why_we_need_to_decenter_women_from_our_life_yes/) + +Edit: I put a note on the post pointing this out and it got removed at (+95) upvotes.",,173,Then_Treacle_7952,1646496114.0 +TheBluePill,t3kqp5,Chinese incels fetishize European women in the same way white incels fetishize Asian women,,https://i.redd.it/o9j2nwug7fk81.jpg,435,FoeHamma,1646069022.0 +TheBluePill,t3lixb,Making fun of refugees and showing you’re an incel at the same time.,,https://v.redd.it/9v2v658lkhk81,64,FoeHamma,1646071066.0 +TheBluePill,szirs9,"So, uh, how was ALPHA Con?","I'm assuming that all of you ALPHAS paid out the $2997 to get the VIP ticket and are now ""EXPLODING your business in 2022"". Would you care to share your ALPHA insights with lowly lambdas like me? +On a serious note, yes the event did take place, but I can find next to nothing to what actually happened there. The only article I found is from a woman who got kicked out the beginning of the second day (her name is Meg Walter, I will gladly link the article if that is permitted). That just got me more curious, because her getting kicked out for no stated reason is not suspicious at all. Since that event has popped up in this sub on a few occasions, I was hoping some other bloopers might know more about what went down.",,96,trajantitusmanul,1645626494.0 +TheBluePill,sxja1x,"How much of a dysfunctional, creepy individual do you have to be to masquerade as a woman to ""prove"" red pill troofs? And why are they so obsessed with women having pets?","They're not that bright, they eventually give themselves away that they're posing as women on YouTube, in dating subs, and in those really weird red pill subs for ""women"" that's just a bunch of guys pretending to be women. + +That's some high level, concerning dedication to their delusions. + +And the red pill douches tend to be really preoccupied with women having pets instead of babies for some reason, there's a of rants where they whine about it. But a lot of them maintain that alfalfas weren't meant to settle down to raise children, so why are they so obsessed with something that's none of their business? + +They're just all over the place. Not a lot about it really leads me to think they're anything but insane, mentally abberant, social outcasts.",,86,MwahMwahKitteh,1645413652.0 +TheBluePill,sx5l3m,Word vomit backed up by pseudoscience,,https://archive.ph/2022.02.20-165101/https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/swudyy/pretentious_pillars_of_modern_feminism/,35,[deleted],1645376042.0 +TheBluePill,sweq2j,Damn those Vikings and their *checks notes* clean & handsome ways....,,https://i.redd.it/mto4ghgswqi81.png,328,FoeHamma,1645290494.0 +TheBluePill,swmu6c,Found both of these in the span of like 5 mins lol,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/swmu6c,61,antifashkenazi,1645312999.0 +TheBluePill,svp45l,Does The Taliban Count?,,https://i.redd.it/knby0ew9rmi81.png,120,FoeHamma,1645209579.0 +TheBluePill,svnsok,“Why can’t these stupid bitches see what a nice guy I am?”,,https://i.redd.it/8e1hmbzpoji81.jpg,133,FoeHamma,1645206164.0 +TheBluePill,svh4kk,THE PEAK OF ABSOLUTE INCELDOM,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/sv0iej,68,[deleted],1645188386.0 +TheBluePill,st8lwi,"He fucked around, and he found out",,https://v.redd.it/650vmgdx7vh81,525,FoeHamma,1644947010.0 +TheBluePill,stfzkv,CW: abuse. Any of the tweets in this comment section. Take your pick,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/stfzkv,19,antifashkenazi,1644965984.0 +TheBluePill,spaylm,Got this essay from a match,,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/spaylm,198,sensitive-reputation,1644511625.0 +TheBluePill,sojfko,"This was a reply to a petfinder names tweet about a cat named ""Ratio"" for some reason",,https://i.redd.it/mvfhjc4xhug81.jpg,167,[deleted],1644428915.0 +TheBluePill,sn35ym,These ALPHAS are coming for your girl... (Alpha Con 2022),,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaQ6Oxgn4BE&,83,HoodedAltair,1644273305.0 +TheBluePill,slxdov,Incel goes full mask off,,https://i.redd.it/09t8018yl4g81.jpg,331,FoeHamma,1644156215.0 +TheBluePill,sl5uql,Wanna bet those women have a different take on this?,,/r/MensRights/comments/sky7m8/amazing_how_much_women_have_changed_since_i_was_a/,149,SabineLavine,1644064124.0 +TheBluePill,skouu8,"Guys, guys, I finally cracked the formula for w*men: 225 lbs bench press + 365 lbs deadlift + 315 lbs squat (>6 reps) + being multimillionaire = you're non desperate = ENDLESS PUSSY 🤩🤩🤩",,https://i.redd.it/20jc7onovvf81.jpg,68,[deleted],1644010075.0 +TheBluePill,skdpv1,You can't reform this. ACAB.,,https://i.imgur.com/UqMNK4K.png,216,ThatcherIsDeed,1643982539.0 +TheBluePill,sj5by0,"“Men age like wine, women age like milk”",,https://archive.ph/2022.02.03-003911/https://www.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/siy6kb/men_age_like_wine_women_age_like_milk_analysis_of/,88,[deleted],1643849610.0 +TheBluePill,sfpwqm,"On a post about an attempted murder, this guy thinks the murderer won't get any jail time by simply being a woman",,https://i.redd.it/hbbqa053koe81.png,190,One_Prudent_Student,1643485338.0 +TheBluePill,se3bl1,👴,,https://i.redd.it/vknyyfr998e81.jpg,251,ThatcherIsDeed,1643303607.0 +TheBluePill,sbr64d,yOu’Re LuCkY yOu’Re GeTtInG lAiD,,https://i.redd.it/2rpnjjcgyjd81.jpg,368,FoeHamma,1643044623.0 +TheBluePill,sbf2nb,Tell me you don't understand consent in one picture,,https://i.redd.it/vnah5zfnxgd81.jpg,73,[deleted],1643004434.0 +TheBluePill,saw9ow,"I finally decided to cut my redpill friend off after months of self doubt, anger and tears.","I(23f) met my friend(21m) almost 3 years ago.We took 2 classes together in college, and he asked me to hang out after second weeks’ class. He was a sweet person back then, I mean he was showing signs like “Nobody would date me because I’m Asian” or that “People like polarized people and I’m just normal so nobody likes me.”But generally he’s kind, helpful, when another friend of mine was physically abused by her bf he went to the police station with me as well as when I reported it to the school. We barely had any fights. + +However things got weird at the beginning of the pandemic, I was having a rough time and he was too, after a big fight between us I blocked him completely and although I unblocked him later we still stopped talking until last year, and he was a completely different person by then. He talks about how “99% of women procreate while 40% of the man does” or that “guys’ job is to ask for sex and women’s is to ask for commitment”. He also became very right-wing focused(I’m not from the US so I might be wrong with my wording here), he is pro-life, thinks that the election was stolen from trump, that homosexuality is just hormones imbalance and that trans people don’t exist (as they can never become “real” man/woman”), also the classic “women belong in the kitchen” speech. For context, we are living in California and he was slightly leftist, not so progressive but just like most other friends I had. He’s also a virgin(by choice he said) with 2 (he doesn’t think it’s real) relationships he had in high school. + +However it was never my business until I had something going on in my own dating life. I met a guy that I immediately had a huge crush on, who happened to be into me also. Although until today I’m still not sure if he was just into me sexually or it could have become something more later, but I guess I’ll never find out. However, we did spend some quality time together before we had sex which was on the 5 or 6 date. I wasn’t expecting anything long term from my crush, like it’s cool if we got into a relationship but I was ok with just sleeping with him. + +My friend, however, viewed it very differently. I shared my progress with him and he was like “so what are you going to do now?” After I said that I don’t really care he told me if I like him I should ask for commitment, or else I’ll be giving him what he wants without him fulfilling me. I told him I don’t think him and I knew each other enough to consider a relationship and that I’m ok without it. He was like “No, you think that way because you think you are not good enough” and no matter how I tried to explain things to him he just went like “it’s all just excuses you found for yourself, it’s still bc you think you couldn’t do it in the end.” I gave up after trying to argue him for an hour. This is a common scenario in our conversations, I try to explain my opinion, he denies and repeats his until I don’t want to argue anymore and just say yes to everything. I had a really tough time through the pandemic and barely had any friends, so I wanted to maintain this friendship in the beginning. He also went to a bumble date to a museum during that time and the girl faked a call to get out of there and blocked him right after. + +The next time we hanged out, he called me a hoe. The conversation started as I was like I want to push things further with my crush (aka sleep with him bc we haven’t had sex at that point), and he told me that then I should flirt with him more and let him know what I want instead of letting him guess. I told him if I’m being too straightforward I might be considered “too experienced” and that might intimidate the guy, and my friend started his long ass speech about how “A hoe has no value and that guys can tell when a woman has slept with a lot of man.” He used the word “hoe” too much to a point that I was wondering if he was talking about me. He said, “ of course you are, you’ve slept with a lot of men and that made you a hoe.” And just to break me down further, he spent another 30 minute convincing me that “nothing is more pathetic than single 40-year-old women” and topped it up with “Girls just want to sleep with guys that are 10/10(meaning my crush) and the more people they sleep with, the less value they’ll have in the dating market so even if they were a 7 their value would drop to 3.” + +Let me just say that I’ve read a decent amount of things from Reddit about incels and niceguys and I found the dialogue familiar but I couldn’t match anything specific with it. It still basically broke me. I spent the next day crying on my couch not only because what he said was awful or that he convinced me that’s what most people think, it’s because I have a long history of sexual trauma including being molested by a family member for years and was groomed and had sex with a guy when I was 13. I spent years just being self-destructive until I almost committed suicide. He knew all that and he still called me a hoe. He was supposed to be my friend. + +I started doubting my behaviors, like a lot. Instead of just enjoying the time with my crush, I started thinking if he also knew I slept with a lot of people and actually despite me. I thought about if he thought I was really stupid and was laughing at me behind my back that I just sleep with him. After the second time we had sex I confronted him and after trying to avoid the question for a few times he told me he was not considering relationships at his age (22). I would be totally ok with it now (I should, right?), but at that point I was so sad and disappointed because I feel like everything my friend told me just came true. The next day I was so depressed that i spent another morning crying. I’ve never done something like this because of the rejection of a relationship (though I’ve barely promoted one), and my friend texted me about how I’m feeling. I’m the end I asked he to go to a club with me for 4 hours so I can get drunk and dance everything off. + +It was supposed to be sweet of him but he mentions this every time we hang out after that. He would be like “if I’m not your friend I wouldn’t go there with you for 5 hours” or that “nothing can compare to those 5 hours in the club” and if I ever mention talking to my crush again he would be like “I didn’t spend 5 hours in the club for this”. And after I made a new friend (who is my best friend in the city, I’ll call him new friend), he started attacking my new friend before he even met him. He said that my new friend is an addict that cannot be trusted because my new friend and I smoked together everyday. And then, once when the three of us were having dinner, he told my new friend that I ate really fast because I sucked too many dicks (while knowing it’s an eating disorder I developed bc of the abuse I went through in elementary school) and that I’m a cam girl and make money online. He also made fun of my appearance, the ways I do things (such as I’m sloppy, my shoe laces are always loose) and my language skills. He stared right at my new friend with a really serious expression when he did all these and didn’t meant to make it a joke at all. My new friend felt really awkward and told me that he would argue with him but he didn’t know if I would be comfortable with it. + +I guess I just never gave him up because we were both victims of school bullying. I guess it was trauma bonding. Every time after I stop talking to him I would thrive for someone who had that same experience with me. And this is not it. He went to my graduation ceremony, which he met my best friend for 5 years. Out of all the things he could’ve talked about to my best friend he asked my best friend if he remembered a call that I made to my best friend when I was drunk one time bc I was with my friend when I made the call, and my friend specifically pointed out that I was drunk calling bc of a guy. My best friend told him that he doesn’t remember (He did but he forgot exactly what I did so couldn’t follow the conversation), and my friend immediately said that “ah, I guess it’s just some other random guy she’s calling then.” + +A month ago my friend went back from traveling and asked me to hang out again and the old things are just… being repeated. He made fun of that “5 hours in club” again and told me that I should make better choices because “5 hours in a club was no fun” and “nobody deserves that”. I told him that’s just how I do things, I’d rather be passionate and catch my chances, feel the rush of dopamine than never get into something just bc I’m not sure if it’s gonna go perfect. He then told me again and again how it’s better to suppress it and how that’s how people becomes successful. I tried to explain it to him through different angles like connections doesn’t work that way and that it’s ok if he doesn’t want to go to the club, I can always just cry it out and then move on to the next person (even though I haven’t been dating in over a year before my crush and haven’t dated anyone after him). However all he did was repeating that “it’s better to suppress dopamine” and I finally got mad and told him that I don’t need him to tell me how to do things. And then all he repeated was like “I was not trying to tell you how to do things, you are just hearing what you want to hear.” Ummm… im pretty sure “it’s better to do sth” was listed as “a way to give advices” on my elementary school English textbook, but im not a native speaker so I don’t know. + +But I guess that finally did it. I don’t need a fucking repeater telling me negative things and trying so hard to convince me about them anymore. It makes me feel sad. It makes me feel worthless and angry. It makes me question myself and make me doubt myself in the least aspect I would ever care about. To this day im still not sure if he’s just a person like that or everything he did was to deliberately drive me crazy or break down my confidence. But I’m done with it.",,150,Caliluxun,1642952311.0 +TheBluePill,s697yd,The Incel Anthem,,https://v.redd.it/hpbl7r3w44c81,285,FoeHamma,1642439938.0 +TheBluePill,s6bdnu,Saw this video making fun of AlphaCon,,https://youtu.be/6m9HoBFq3m8,18,TXFirebrah,1642445057.0 +TheBluePill,s3ybhi,Pastor: “spotty periods happen because you’re not going to church enough”,,https://v.redd.it/1noslbw03mb81,145,FoeHamma,1642182746.0 +TheBluePill,s34t8j,Incels be all like,,https://i.redd.it/1z9t6yitlfb81.gif,259,FoeHamma,1642095236.0 +TheBluePill,s357h0,Having less-than-perfect jawline is DEFINITELY why below-average women aren't dating you.,,https://i.redd.it/jw40xuohwfb81.jpg,29,FoeHamma,1642096285.0 +TheBluePill,s37fwi,"Researchers studying incel activity on social media found that such tweets arise disproportionately within places where mating competition among men is likely to be high because of male-biased sex ratios, few single women, high income inequality, and small gender gaps in income.",,https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/09567976211036065,17,FoeHamma,1642102053.0 +TheBluePill,s2b7wh,“Stop doing the things I specifically don’t like”,,https://i.redd.it/4eyvdnb2o9b81.jpg,217,FoeHamma,1642007160.0 +TheBluePill,s2ergl,He ain’t recovering from that burn 💀,,https://i.redd.it/nh5xr554j9b81.jpg,103,FoeHamma,1642016022.0 +TheBluePill,s2anpz,"Ok bud, time to take your own advice ;)",,https://www.reddit.com/gallery/s1sg6q,31,FoeHamma,1642005757.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bg9ym,AD HOC WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"**If there is no stickied comment below, assume it is a free-for-all of relegated topics.** + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. + +&#x200B; + +You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,6,AutoModerator,1705770089.0 +PurplePillDebate,1adyntt,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,1706544009.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aecf56,What is the actual reason why men get shamed for having preferences?,"I wanted to discuss this + +But why are men called names and shamed when they state what they prefer in a women? + +It seems when women state what they seek in a man they are encouraged and supported. But if a man wants a traditional women or wants a particular type of women he is often shamed and called names? + +Is this due to modern society and feminism which has lead women to believe that they should be accepted for who they are regardless of any deficiencies? e.g. the fat acceptance movement/plus size model movement? Therefore feel personally offended when a man does not want a particular trait in a women?",,17,ShelterNo2786,1706578686.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aebwju,The idea women are loved unconditionally,"Is both false and patronizing. + +It's been said frequently (on this sub) that only children, pets, and women are loved unconditionally. + +First- who exactly is providing this ""love?"" This is something that the men who complain about it pretend to want. But who is unconditionally loving these 3 groups? + +Second- are you seeing a possible pattern? Pets and children are loved unconditionally? Why- because they are simple, innocent, lack sense, are mindlessly devoted (perhaps these are actually the parties that actually provide unconditional love). Lumping women in with pets and children is a way of infantalizing women- implying they (we) are simple, limited, pure, innocent- incapable of being true adults. + +In summation this is neither true nor something to strive for. + +CMV.",,12,wouldbepandananny,1706577220.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aeehj4,How big of a concern would it be for you if your children/potential children reached adult age without any romantic success?,"So as someone who struggles pretty heavily with dating, I do get comments from my parents that indicate that they are somewhat disappointed that I haven’t been able to reach any milestones/have success in that area. + +While I have seen on Reddit parents say that they wouldn’t care if their child wasn’t that successful dating/they don’t think about that stuff, it seems a lot do agree that having successful romantic relationships/experiences are important. + +So, if your kid had gone through high school/college etc with no dates, prom, romantic experiences, etc. would you be concerned or would you not think about it much?",,8,Last-Application-860,1706584620.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ae0rew,"Women base most of their “preferences” on trends and what is popular, and are far more influenced by what other women think than even their own instincts - the whole 6 foot thing is a perfect example","Women have always preferred taller men, but the explosion of social media and online dating have taken it to levels of absurdity, to the point that a large percentage of women now have it as a non-negotiable requirement regardless of what they themselves have to offer or how stubby they are (hence the memes of 4’11” women stating their requirement that men be 6’5.”) + +Take Jacob Elordi for example. The guy has a very weird looking face, like a 13th century European peasant, or a creepy doll or one of those mirror images of half of someone’s face. But boom 6’5” international heartthrob. Pete Davidson, Post Malone and MGK additional examples, guys look homeless. + +Then you have women desiring men who are taken or even married. It’s all about conformity and competitiveness rather than nature and instinct. Everything else is secondary. + +Automod",,43,The-Loop,1706549115.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aea7ng,Are relationship worth it?,"In every single relationship the more responsibilities you get, the more privilege you get. + +Having more responsibilities without privilege is useless. + +But in modern dating, the privileges given to and the responsibilities expected of men are not allocated properly over the course of a relationship to incentivize his commitment. + +Like, if at this moment a man doesn't wish to start a family, + + I don't see the benefits of a LTR (long term relationship ) over an FWB situation (friend with benefits). + +Everything you get in an LTR you can have it in a good FWB situation without the added cost. + +Dear men, what do you think ? + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B;",,9,Otherwise_Possible2,1706572510.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aed3sw,The Best Way To Meet Women Based On Your Personal Attributes.,"Hey everyone, + + +I made a fun quiz which may give you an idea on what is the best way to meet women based on your personal attributes. Just like there are multiple ways to play the game of basketball, there are also multiple ways to go about dating and the best method for you may be completely different from someone else. One person may excel at online dating while another person may be a better fit for meeting women at a bar instead. + + +Here is the link to the quiz. It should only take 5-8 minutes to complete. Let me know what you get. +https://www.opinionstage.com/page/b950b2b9-b80b-48c2-8fa5-e9fb25bf94c7 +",,5,KingOnixTheThird,1706580630.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ae0mak,Predictions for how the dating market will look 100yrs from now?,"Most developed nations have a birth rate that is 'below replacement level'. Japan is dealing with dying population problems that the USA will probably experience in the next century. It's clear that most women find most men unattractive and men are doing progressively worse with each new study that is published. We all know that a recession is coming. + + + +Do you see a dystopia where most men and women die alone within the coming years? + +Or maybe the government implements some form of UBI to help? + +I just want to know what are the realistic consequences that we'll have to face. Ignoring this is NOT an option + + + +",,25,jhunter2015,1706548775.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aeh6pa,It’s rough online dating for Iranians here in america.," +Do women have something against Iranian men? Hey can anyone can share their thoughts/experience on online dating for men from Middle East and asia I’ve heard apps are more difficult for people of Middle eastern and asian descent due to innate racial biases. Do other guys run into similar struggles with girls on apps? I know some guys from certain parts of Middle East or Asia pretty much pass off as white.? Is there a stereotype going on?",,1,heymandgh,1706593461.0 +PurplePillDebate,1adl61c,Q4W: Who is the most romantically/sexually unsuccessful woman you know? What’s their personality like? Describe her.,"We have a bunch of threads about examples of [chronically](https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/106gieo/who_is_your_most_unsuccessful_romantically_and/) [single men](https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/v7qj5i/women_do_you_know_any_sexually_less_than/) so I’m curious to hear from the other side. + +Ladies, who’s the most romantically unsuccessful woman you know in real life? Just has complete shit luck with men. A “femcel” if you will. + +1. What are they like? (personality) + +2. What type of men do they typically go after? + +3. Why don’t they manage to make a relationship work? (If they even get to that point) + +4. What do they look like? + +5. Do you think it’s because of their looks or something else? Are they overweight? Ugly? + +6. Are they bitter and angry about their success or have they mostly accepted it?",,16,TourAcrobatic3005,1706498088.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad3d56,"Why do women seem to get ""the ick"" over the most innocuous things these days?","* **man losing attraction because her labia is too big** *""pornsick coomer who doesn't know what a real woman's body looks like!""* +* **woman getting the ick over a man doing slightly feminine thing** *""her* natural *defense mechanism which* is there for a reason"" + +I'm not even gonna argue the validity of these ""turn-offs"" , to each their own. But if we can agree that men who consume a lot of high-production porn get their ideals molded to an extent by this type of media which sets a unrealistic expectation around female bodies and sex, then what type of media are young women these consuming for the ick trend to be such a thing even serious outlets are now writing about?",,162,HardTimes4Vampires,1706450694.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ado1ji,What do you suppose influences hypergamy from in a systemic social context?,"I don't think it is a mystery at all to know what guys think is attractive and what they place a lot of value on. Mainstream media and society have pushed this longer than most of us have been born. However, I believe that society largely influences what we are attracted to, and how we go about our interactions with the opposite sex. + +However I am sure that I and a lot of other red pill guys thought that being nice to a woman or winning them over was what was necessary in order to attract or keep a woman. You have to be a gentlemen, you have to be nice, you have to make them feel special, and you have to win them over. I thought that courting women in that sense is what they ultimately wanted, and women were also alongside this social conditioning. Disney parroted this, Hollywood movies parroted this, parents did, and a large part of online did (WikiHow and YouTube) a couple years back until I was exposed to the Red Pill. + +The Red Pill showed me that this is what not the case, and it's the complete opposite in some cases. It exposed a side of female nature that I never knew existed, and it disgusted me a bit upon first impression. I felt like I was lied to for a long time, and I know a lot of dudes who have a similar experience may have felt that way before. Terms such as hypergamy, icks, sexual market place, high/low value \[insert gender\], are relatively new concepts to those who were recently ""blue-piiled"". However, I wonder if society was largely successful in influencing men's sexuality. Why did it completely backfire with women, and what is largely influencing them in the opposite way so quickly instead? You could say ""biologically"", but that is very simplistic and kills any further discussion. What does our society do to fuel it early on? + +(Sorry for the TedTalk-like rant, I was trying to drive the point home with context.)",,8,KentuckyCriedFlickin,1706507356.0 +PurplePillDebate,1adj40g,Why do some people prefer casual sex while others prefer monogamy?,"I know that everyone has their own preference but why do people tend to gravitate toward one or the other? Even high profile men like Patrick Mahomes who didn’t need to “settle” to get laid decided to get married so young while others such as James Harden are in the club every weekend. What makes these people different? Is it how they were raised, biological, or just a matter of finding the right person?",,12,SnooPies6812,1706491960.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad9csy,"Those against the Red Pill, where should a man go for dating advice?","I think it's fair to say there are undesirable qualities about the red pill. But if your a guy who wants to improve his life and wants to be successful with women, where would you tell him to go? + +I see alot of ""just be yourself"" and ""it depends on the women as there is a no one size fits all approach"" + +But if you say RP advice is bad what should a man read INSTEAD? I think the truth matters in making rational decisions. + +Do you have any communities? Subreddits? Books? Websites? That have valuable information for men trying to become better men rather than the advice given in the red pill? + +It's cool if you don't like the red pill but if you don't have a alternative solution to the problem I feel something is missing.",,37,xsxBEACHGODxsx,1706466626.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad20wk,"The gender divide has become undeniable , can anything be done to solve this?","The gender divide has become so obvious that the mainstream media is writing about it using stats and studies. + +[https://news.yahoo.com/americas-gender-war-105101201.html](https://news.yahoo.com/americas-gender-war-105101201.html) + +[https://www.ft.com/content/29fd9b5c-2f35-41bf-9d4c-994db4e12998](https://www.ft.com/content/29fd9b5c-2f35-41bf-9d4c-994db4e12998) + +It also apparently doesn't affect only the US but other countries too. + +[https://twitter.com/FT/status/1750785919592927642?t=Z94d9Pm7qsTWjx1vfgRKEA&s=19](https://twitter.com/FT/status/1750785919592927642?t=Z94d9Pm7qsTWjx1vfgRKEA&s=19) + +I personally think that dating dynamics are partially to blame for this. Many young men have probably come to the conclusion that the juice is not worth the squeeze. Can anything at all be done or will be reach the point of no return? Will men in the future have AI girlfriends and sex dolls and refuse to do any work above the bare minimum? Will single motherhood by choice become more common? Will it be like Japan and South Korea where young people barely have sex?",,88,Novel-Tip-7570,1706446371.0 +PurplePillDebate,1adiibg,Q4M: Describe the type of male a traditional woman deserves?,"Inb4 *""hurr durr, a traditional man XD""* + +I'm asking you to DESCRIBE the guy. What should he bring to the table? + +Assume she... + +Cooks from scratch + +Cleans without complaint + +Is feminine from day 1 + +Focuses on being a great mom + +Brings a cozy, peaceful attitude + +Is frugal and not on social media + +Keeps herself in good physical shape + +Supports her man's goals + +Cooperative and agreeable + +Dresses modestly, claims low bawdy count + +Happy to follow his lead + +Manages the home and social calendar, etc + + +Surely you'd view this as a high value woman? What should she get for all that value?",,5,Windmill_flowers,1706490171.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad666o,What Things do You Do to Support the Opposite Sex?,"Come on, I want to see some positivity this time around. How do you support the opposite sex? + +For me, I run a sex-ed webcomic that occasionally talks about male health besides talking about female health. I have previously given advice on things like prostate and testicular cancer, prostate exams, breast cancer (and I expressed how males can get it too), the importance of the foreskin, and regularly normalize the idea that man can get sexually assaulted too. + +Do you donate to charities for the opposite sex? Spread awareness of troubles they face? How do you help? + +(And nothing self-disparaging ""They hate me, so I just avoid them to spare their eyes my ugliness"" or a passive-aggressive backhand ""they are useless, so I do everything for them"", please. Real positivity only).",,26,Makuta_Servaela,1706458550.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad65bh,Most Tradcons are just failed red pillers.,"Edit: I am only speaking about Tradcons who are in the manosphere or are red pilled. + +The honest truth is that most of the guys who are now claiming to be tradcons in the manosphere are just men who tried to use the red pill or other methods to tap into hookup culture but failed. Since they couldn't find a way to tap into hookup culture, they are now seeking ways to stop others from participating in it. That's why we are seeing so many of them invading the manosphere and pushing far right talking points like a complete ban on abortion, birth control restrictions, canceling no fault divorce and repealing the 19th ammendment. These men are trying to influence the government to change laws that will restrict women into having no other choice but to choose them as partners. They are the furthest thing from actually being traditional or conservative especially in regards to Christianity. Because as Christians we are supposed to show non-Christians through our words, lives and actions the benefits of living a Christian life that they will willingly want to become a follower of Jesus as well, not giving them no other option but to live by our faith. + +Also truly traditional men do not shame or persecute women for being promiscuous or living lifestyles that don't align with their own personal beliefs. They simply realize that those women are compatible with their beliefs and search for women that are. + +What's happening in the manosphere also happened in the Passport Bro movement as well. The first men who called themselves ""Passport Bros"" were men who were actually looking for long term relationships with traditional women but couldn't find the women they desired in their lication, so they traveled outside of their native countries and sought out women from cultures and societies who's views and beliefs matched their own. There was no bashing of women who didn't fit their ideal whatsoever. Sexpats, MGTOWS and red pill guys latched onto the movement and made it about going to poorer countries for hookups. Thankfully, those men are being purged from the movement and it is getting back to what it was originally intended for, finding long term relationships with like minded women. The same thing needs to happen with fake tradcons and the manosphere.",,21,Wide-Illustrator2906,1706458492.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aea3zl,I think that breadwinner women should not be shocked at their lackluster marriages.,"Why are married breadwinner women surprised at their lackluster marriages? + +I've seen a number of posts on reddit, Instagram, tiktok, and even YouTube videos of women just absolutely flabbergasted and shocked that their trendy marriages turned out like shit or were unstable. + +Here are statistics on role reversal marriages : + +1) domestic violence is higher + +2) erectile dysfunction is higher, sometimes less sex - husband not interested in sex + +3) husband won't do ANY household chores at all, just plays video games, whereas breadwinner husbands do Atleast some chores + +4) adultery is higher, especially with the husband seeking to reclaim his rightful dues of enjoyment and excitement + +5) divorce is higher + +These statistics have been out for over a decade, yet women still post on reddit how shocked they are that their marriages fell apart, are dead ends, or their ""progressive"" husbands turned out to be forever 21. + +And that's also the part that I find extremely funny, that each time these marriages start off with the woman proud of her ""progressive"" hubby and he turns out to be no different from a regular dudebro with enough time as he realizes he feels emasculated, despite being a open minded liberal. + +What can I say, guys will be guys, no matter their political leanings. XD + +Furthermore, why are the women in such marriages complaining? This is what you wanted right? In my opinion it's like, ""you made your bed now sleep in it"" kind of thing. + +If you're gonna take his place as breadwinner, the least you can do is do his chores for him. Why should he have to do the chores? + +I don't understand that women marry immature, unestablished men and the women become angry that those men just turn out like Peter pan. Like what did you expect? The guy that doesn't even earn the same amount as you magically turned out to be a man child. Who would have thought. Lol. + +Edit : lmao y'all are mad af XD",,0,robinskiesh,1706572233.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad4vn9,Men who feel their wives see them as Beta Male,"You probably get very less or no sex. You might feel that they settled for a safe option, but not anything romantic. + +Who do you feel about it? How do you deal thinking she isn't physically attracted to you but might have been eager for sex with someone else? + +Also, how soon into your marriage did you get this feeling? + +P.S. I'm from India and got arranged married just a few months ago. + +Edit: She hasn't been ready for sex yet.",,23,FixBlueBalls,1706455117.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad7mqz,"Ladies, what made you choose your boyfriend?","Me and some friends have been talking about this topic lately, and figured I'd get some more insight from more women. + +But first here is what we came up with + +Obviously people are different and there are a variety of men and women out there, so there obviously is a variety of reasons different people decide to be with certain other people. + +Some reasons are good and genuine, some can be bad or toxic, and some neutral. + +I'm curious if I've nailed the most common reason, but will still share what some of my friends had to say too. + +Reasons + +One - Personality/Common interests. Not just some vague (I like his personality) but more genuine like, damn I vibe with this person, love spending time with them, and they're funny and care about me. + +Two - Money/Status. This guy earns a lot of money, can impress my friends and family, and make me feel more secure because I was able to land him. + +Three - Physical Attraction Soley. This guy is tall, fit, dresses well, nice face. + +Four - Talent/Passion. This man can draw, or he's a chef, or musician, or programmer etc. something about how passionate he is about his craft, and how good he is at it, not only impresses and interests me, but it maked me want to get to know him and I fell for him during the process. (THIS IS WHAT I TOLD MY FRIENDS I THINK IS MOST COMMON) + +Five - Combination. A combination of two or more of these reasons. + +This question is aimed at women but I guess the fellas can chime in too. + +Ladies who are taken, was it for any of these reasons? + +Was it a combination of multiple ones, if so which? + +What reason do you think is most common?",,13,LastBlackSamurai99,1706462324.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aderxx,"Reposted: Why I think the ""trad"" lifestyle is not a one-size-fits-all and forcing it is destroying society","**CMV** + +**Taken down but reposted with correct flair. Thank you mods for responding to me.** + +**Disclaimer**: Some people on the last post of this, were accusing me of being anti stay at home mom, or telling me stay at home moms have it easy and get to nap all day (HA!), or saying I wanted women to be dragged into the workplace and become corporate drones. I never said this once. I simply said we have unrealistic expectations on women, especially regarding motherhood. And women with mental illness and postpartum depression, or even women who just suffer stress are told to shut up. I am basically saying how instead of insulting childfree women, we can create a society that supports childrearing through positive policies like universal childcare for both working and stay at home moms and maternity leave. Because believe it or not, for thousands of years it has taken a village and women have had help raising children. Capiche? + +**Original post:** + +I think the whole traditional lifestyle pushed by the red pill generally is unrealistic for the newer generations such as Zoomers and Alphas who are more unique, especially when it involves rigid roles and rules, religious guilt, and bullying people into it. + +I wanted to mention first of all, I'm against casual sex. I think it's really gross and unfulfilling. But I also don't understand the stigma against single women especially. This idea of enforced marriage and babies by 25, seems to not realize how large and diverse this country is. There are quiet women with asperger's who need a lot of alone time for example, who may not fit the mold of ""domestic goddess who is caring for toddlers and babies all day"". Temple Grandin herself lived celibate her whole life as she was more focused on her scientific career as an autistic woman and not interested in socialization. Is she ""evil"" and ""broken"" for it? I don't think so. + +There's also the fact that stay at home moms have higher depression rates than working moms, and the data showing how single childfree women are happiest. I'm not antinatalist, and I don't think this means women should stop getting married and having kids. I think it means we need to help women more and stop having this ""do it all"" mentality where women are treated like babysitters/taxis/maids/cooks/therapists 24/7 and are expected to do with no help because ""magical mommy instinct"" ""oxytocin"" or ""God's plan for her."" + +Subtle intricacies such as PMDD, postpartum depression, and other female reproductive conditions/complications are often handwaved away. + +The data also shows that universal, high quality childcare tends to raise birth rates. I can imagine it'd be very helpful even for stay at home mothers a few hours a day so they can get a bit of alone time. Yet those who are tradright tend to be staunch individualists and call it ""traumatizing"" and say ""it's a baby being raised by strangers when their mother should be at home"" as if women are just childcare robots. Or Phyllis Schlafly calling it ""stranger care"" when she ironically had nannies and help. I'd be more inclined to have children if I knew I had guaranteed help, a supportive partner who also helps me with things instead of saying ""I need to sit in my corporate office all day as the alpha provider while you drag a screaming toddler through target because red pill says so"" + +Then there is the bullying aspect. Lauren Chen, a right wing anti feminist youtuber made several videos about ""SINK"" women or single income no kids. It seemed very ironic how despite having a baby of her own, Lauren chose to spend more time making these videos. The comment sections were ugly to say the least. A bunch of men calling these women pigs, hippos, slobs, etc. Saying we should call them ""OINK""s because they're ""fat bitter cat ladies."" The ironic aspect of this, is they think they're saving society but it's creating more hatred and ugliness. It goes against Christian values despite people like Chen calling themselves a Christian. It makes society seem like a worse place to have a family when third places like malls are being bulldozed and we are all being corralled into the internet as the only place to socialize. + +Regarding the religious fundamentalism aspect, a lot of people actually feel traumatized from it. Look at videos of ex mormons, (which mormonism is a very traditional religion that emphasizes trad values). A lot of them felt constant guilt and anxiety. When I've been in more right wing or religious online communites, a lot of them seemed constantly angry and anxious and upset. No matter how big of a family all of them had, they always seemed upset. Not to mention a lot of people with religious trauma or controlling households often don't want kids themself if you look at the child free sub. So it actually lowers the birth rate. + +Anyways, I'm not saying all trad home maker women are depressed or all religious people are depressed. I'm just saying that using it as a mold to shove people into is destructive instead of constructive, especially when it involves bullying and coercion. It seems to be dividing our society more instead of creating a strong moral foundation, loving families, etc. + +&#x200B;",,4,anonymous--ENFP,1706480124.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad43es,"Everybody talks about women going for confident assholes, but what about the ones going for pathetic losers? Let's talk about the ""nurse complex""","""Nurse complex"" is something I heard from a friend, not sure if he heard it from somewhere else. + +It's basically a hypothesis to try an answer a question. There are many women who are attracted to men who are not necessarily assholes, but by all accounts, would be told to ""work on themselves"" by bluepillers because they are a mess. + +I know somebody like that: alcoholic, terrible student, gambling addict, potential drug addict, lazy, no money, not even that handsome. Also a pathological liar, we heard from 9 girlfriends he had. What's not surprising is that many of them were not real, what astonished me is that 4 were completely real and provable. + +The last one has lasted over a year, and she is infatuated with him. I have known this man since kindergarten and if anything he has gotten worse over the years, more immature, more of an asshole. + +The only answer as to why this is the case may lie on the ""nurse complex"". A woman, seeing a truly pathetic asshole, with a bleak future and the prospect of a shitty relationship, and going ""I can fix him"". + +Of course she will not fix him. + +I've seen this case being repeated over and over and over again. A girl wants to nurse a total piece of shit, wants to fantasize about her love fixing him, the very essence of the pathetic moron is what attracts her. + +So what are these men doing differently than other pathetic losers that don't get any action whatsoever? Is it just chance? Well maybe, but I think it's because he can't hide how much of an asshole he is, and that is of course translated into confidence. + +""Just be confident man"", of course, but that's not all. + +Apparently you don't need to be healthy, you don't need to be too handsome, you don't need to be mature. What you have to do, is being an asshole in your whole right, not be afraid of showing how much of a shitty person you can be, so when you do show some bare minimum of kindness, it makes the Stockholm syndrome do the rest. + +So what does the nurse complex teaches us? That this is the essence of it, being an asshole. Some will say they don't like this type of asshole and that's okay, but they will like another type of asshole apparently. Because if there is a type of man who is surrounded by women, it's always some type of asshole. If you see what kind of man women want in the erotica they read, it's assholes, with money, without money, with status, without status, but assholes everywhere.",,12,Brazil_doesnt_exist,1706452890.0 +PurplePillDebate,1actw49,Most women want socially liberal men who are capable of engaging in “benevolent misogyny “.,"Most women don’t like overt sexism, but they definitely do prefer men who are masculine, dominant, confident, and capable of acts of casual sexism. + +They don’t want a man who is a controlling social conservative, or a socially conservative guy without an edge. + +They want a socially liberal man who is capable of sexually dominating them, and a man who can financially provide without telling them to stay home.",,88,DuetLearner,1706415120.0 +PurplePillDebate,1aczm7b,Men of PPD: Do you really find casual sex appealing?,"Not sure if I'm just the weird one but the effort-to-reward ratio is absolutely abysmal. And even in scenarios where it's easy, for every minute of pleasure, you're going to spend several minutes laying next to someone you don't even know and certainly don't care deeply about. + +I just don't get it - is fucking a stranger really that much more satisfying that jerking off?",,29,Im_Unsure_For_Sure,1706436992.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ae08hx,Sexist people make the best partners.,"I have never dealt with a woman that would say that she likes men. My current fiance is typical in understanding that men are mostly just looking for sex. She thinks men can be violent assholes. She thinks I'm unique that I love her and care about her. That makes me feel special. It cures my doubt about dedicating to her. + +Women hate on men for being sexist. Wouldn't a misogynistic partner be the most loyal and dedicated? He thinks women are unbearable but he thinks you're worth his time which is why he is in a relationship with you. He sees you as a diamond in the rough. + +Isn't that what's best for a monogamous relationship?",,0,babazuki,1706547886.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad4h44,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,9,AutoModerator,1706454015.0 +PurplePillDebate,1acsvtx,Someone complaining about their S.O. on social media or in a group chat is a huge red flag.,"Complaining in a group chat about a partner shows that a person has very poor relationship and communication skills. Worse, it demonstrates a fundamental disregard for the SO's privacy and a total lack of respect for the relationship. This in turn reflects a huge deficiency in understanding and respecting basic boundaries, which are obviously essential for maintaining respectful and trusting partnerships. + +Aside from showing a lack of empathy, maturity, and capacity for self-reflection, the act of seeking external validation for relationship issues also hints at underlying emotional dependency and insecurity. This over-reliance on external sources for support doesn't allow for the development of a mutually supportive and interdependent relationship. Furthermore, airing grievances publicly creates a barrier for the individual to change their stance or admit fault later on. This is because it involves managing not just personal feelings, but also the social perceptions and personal pride that are now mixed in. + +If someone complains about their SO on group chats or on social media, it is a strong sign that the person isn't capable of a healthy relationship, regardless of the problems they may legitimately have in that relationship.",,31,8m3gm60,1706411903.0 +PurplePillDebate,1acppfv,“I’ll take Anyone at this Point”,"Was just hanging out with a buddy of mine who’s single but trying to get dates for a while. + +He said this to me after venting about not getting matches or failed attempts at in person approaches. + +The thing is, he’s (29M, lives in LA) a good dude, average height, conventionally attractive, fit, has a good career, independent, and is fairly outgoing. He’s had relationships in the past and used the apps to find women, but according to him, he’s not getting anything anymore. + +I felt bad and didn’t know what to say aside from telling him not to despair and keep trying, but I could tell that didn’t make him feel better. + +It got me wondering, how many people nowadays, male or female, would truly “take anyone”? + +Are some people really that desperate and at that point, or are they over exaggerating ? + +Is anyone on here also at the point where they would take anyone? Does that mean you’d take a someone extremely unattractive/overweight/no job just to have someone? + +Moreover, what brought you to being so desperate?",,31,Disruptiionz,1706402297.0 +PurplePillDebate,1acdwup,Have tradcons taken over the redpill?,"I've noticed a shift in the manosphere these past years. It use to be puas, sleeping with women and spinning plates were the dominant part but now it seems like tradcons who promote “traditional values” and finding traditional women is main thing. You can see that through movements like passport bros, rise in religious subcultures online like tradcaths, or support for far right politics. Roosh v is a good example of this, went from writing bang guides on how to have sex with women in different countries to denouncing that lifestyle and converting orthodox Christianity. Andrew Tate and Sneako are another example of this phenomenon as well. + +As this sector of the manosphere is growing I’ve noticed an increasing amount of reactionarty opinions particularly about women’s rights growing as well. Things like women shouldn’t vote, giving women the right to vote brought down western civilization, hating on women in college, calling any women who works a job a girl boss. Calling unmarried women pass the age 25 cat ladies, old hags, etc. Discussing women’s body count and virginity more openly. These aren’t just fringe figures spewing these opinions but prominent often rw influencers with millions of followers online. You even have politicians repeating this stuff. + +So do you think tradcon have replaced the the old redpillers in popularity? If so, why do you think tradcons have been more successful in getting their message out?",,45,SapphireRising225,1706371049.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ac5jp5,I genuinely think people underestimate female toxicity,"We all know men can be toxic and subs like TwoX analyse toxic male behavior, like punching walls, being a deadbeat and a slob etc. However, I think people continuously underestimate female toxicity. + +Lots of women are lazy and make the one-sided decision to not work after they have a kid. But because being a SAHM is so common, nobody questions this or asks whether it was really a mutual decision or not. + +I have seen women throw massive tantrum to their boyfriends over a minor issue but nobody questions this and men don't complain because they're used to women behaving this way. If a man did this it would be seen as manchild behavior. + +After divorce, people tend to take the woman's side no matter what happened and usually the man is blamed entirely for the divorce. I have seen people say ""a woman with kids wouldn't cheat if she didn't have a good reason"" or ""a woman with kids wouldn't initiate divorce if she didn't have a good reason"". Because of course women are perfect and always have a good reason for the things they do.",,166,Novel-Tip-7570,1706341236.0 +PurplePillDebate,1acpez0,What year did women achieve equality?,"This is for any anti-feminist men in general, not just red pill. A common complaint is that while women, and feminists in particular, may have started out trying to achieve equality, they have since tipped the scales in women's favor and continue to push to do so, alienating men and, some claim, outright oppressing them. + +What year do you believe women achieved equality and what is your reason or metric for believing so? It doesn't have to be an exact year, just a ballpark.",,7,Soloandthewookiee,1706401465.0 +PurplePillDebate,1acykn1,"If your job skills were hopeless, would you rather be a sex worker or a housewife?","Let's say through some cruel trick of fate, you just can't make it in the job market. Your dreams of being an independent women are dashed. If you don't somehow exchange your body for money, you're not eating. + +Would you persue sex work if it was the only work available to you? Or would you try and make it as a homemaker, with the risks and limited autonomy that that entails? + +Considering there's 3 million verified creators on onlyfans now, it seems sex work is pretty popular. + +EDIT: ""unskilled"" labor isn't an option in this contrived hypothetical. Somehow no one will hire you as a waitress or a housekeeper or anything similar. + +EDIT: ""going back to school"" isn't an option either. You need to eat.",,0,scwizard,1706432608.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad2l2i,Would you LTR/marry a woman who has had an abortion?,"To add some constraints: + +- the pregnancy was not the result of a crime. +- there was no medical issue. + +I considered making this a question for men, but I’d rather open it up to anyone more a la carte style. + +My personal take is I would not. I’m ambivalent about others nuking their kids, but I would not be with someone who did that to mine. Moreover, I’d prefer to experience pregnancy/the possibility of having a child for the first time with someone together. + +Thoughts?",,0,No-Rough-7390,1706448255.0 +PurplePillDebate,1acskl3,What do you think about MGTOW and WGTOW?,"Relationships seem very hard. There is constant conflict. There are men who believe women are terrible and vice versa. + +The ideologies of MGTOW and WGTOW promote men and women respectively being single and living by themselves. They don't need to worry about the troubles of relationships. + +For men, even if they are single, it may be hard for them to let go of their sexual desires, but if they recognise that their sexual desires are what trap them, they can do what they can to suppress their desires or even just satiate their sexual desires cleanly and cheaply through masturbation. If a man still feels he needs to have sex with a real woman, he could potentially see sex workers, but prostitution may be illegal where he lives, so he may need to travel and live elsewhere. He may need to work hard and save up enough so he can ""leanfire"" in another country. + +Women supposedly do not have sexual desires as strong as men, but if she does have sexual desires, she can masturbate as well. Women also supposedly have a strong desire to procreate, but just as a MGTOW can understand that sexual desire imprisons him, so too a WGTOW can understand that the desire to have kids imprisons her as well, so she can take steps to try to suppress her natalist instincts. Given that having a baby harms a woman's body and also prevents her from working and earning money, which makes her financially dependent on a man, motherhood is clearly extremely harmful for women, making them very vulnerable to abuse. Babies make women unproductive at work and makes her financially less valuable. Money is power. When women have babies or look after them, they make less money, so they have less power, so they get abused since variation in power tends towards exploitation. + +It seems then that both men and women would benefit from going their own way.",,2,hodlbtcxrp,1706410914.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ac4km6,Is there a Lizzo Paradox™ for males?,"For those unfamiliar, it goes something like this: + +There are a group of women. + +Some male says, *""Do you think Lizzo is attractive?""* + +The women reply, *""Yes! Of course!""* + +Then the male says, *""Y'all kinda look like Lizzo""* + +The women do not take that well. + +What exactly is happening here? Is there a similar Lizzo Paradox for males?",,86,Windmill_flowers,1706337346.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ac7iqc,(Re-upload) What do y'all think of this excerpt about radicalisation in the manosphere?,"Chen Sheng was an officer serving the Qin Dynasty, famous for their draconian punishments. He was supposed to lead his army to a rendezvous point, but he got delayed by heavy rains and it became clear he was going to arrive late. The way I always hear the story told is this: + +Chen turns to his friend Wu Guang and asks “What’s the penalty for being late?” + +“Death,” says Wu. + +“And what’s the penalty for rebellion?” + +“Death,” says Wu. + +“Well then…” says Chen Sheng. + +And thus began the famous Dazexiang Uprising, which caused thousands of deaths and helped usher in a period of instability and chaos that resulted in the fall of the Qin Dynasty three years later. + +The moral of the story is that if you are maximally mean to innocent people, then eventually bad things will happen to you. First, because you have no room to punish people any more for actually hurting you. Second, because people will figure if they’re doomed anyway, they can at least get the consolation of feeling like they’re doing you some damage on their way down. + +This seems to me to be the position that lonely men are in online. People will tell them they’re evil misogynist rapists – as the articles above did – no matter what. In what is apparently shocking news to a lot of people, this makes them hurt and angry. As someone currently working on learning psychotherapy, I can confidently say that receiving a constant stream of hatred and put-downs throughout your most formative years can really screw you up. And so these people try to lash out at the people who are doing it to them, secure in the knowledge that there’s no room left for people to hate them even more. + +I know this is true because it happened to me. I never became a manospherian per se, because two wrongs don’t make a right, but – as readers of this essay may be surprised to learn – I did become just a little bit bitter about feminism. If I hadn’t been so sure about that “two wrongs” issue I probably would have ended up a lot more radicalized. + +Actually, that word – “radicalized” – conceals what is basically my exact thesis. We talk a lot about the “radicalization” of Muslims – for example, in Palestine. And indeed, nobody likes Hamas and we all agree they are terrible people and commit some terrible atrocities. Humans can certainly be very cruel, but there seems to be an unusual amount of cruelty in this particular region. And many people who like black-and-white thinking try to blame that on some defect in the Palestinian race, or claim the Quran urges Muslims should be hateful and violent. But if you’re willing to tolerate a little bit more complexity, it may occur to you to ask “Hey, I wonder if any of this anger among Palestinians has to do with the actions of Israel?” And then you might notice, for example, the past century of Middle Eastern history. + +Yet somehow, when the manosphere is being terrible people and commiting terrible atrocities, the only explanation offered is that “you must hate all women” must appear in some sura of the Male Quran. + +https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/",,33,lolcope2,1706349404.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ad3uco,"Casual Sex: Popularity of straight-up paying ""civilian"" single women for sex?","Broadly speaking, casual sex can be divided into two groups: non-transactional sex and transactional sex. + +The two stereotypes here are hookup culture and sex workers. OnlyFans has broken this stereotypical view, despite administrative account controls. + +A number of single men here earn enough money to be able to straight-up approach single ""civilian"" women and pay upfront for transactional sex. The only question is price. We may not have enough money to make it a sugar baby arrangement, though. + +The more women flood to online means of facilitating casual sex (to pay off student debts), the more this avenue of casual sex becomes more popular. + +So, how popular is this really now? Also, how many men here might be interested in f****** an OnlyFans chick instead of going through the motions of drunk hookup culture?",,0,FromAuntToNiece,1706452165.0 +PurplePillDebate,1acbfnh,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,6,AutoModerator,1706364017.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ac0lqb,Why do women on this sub often say that they are not attracted to promiscuous men?,"This needs to be discussed. + +Women on this sub often say they are not attracted to promiscuous men. They are not attracted to ""players"" and ""fuck boys"". + +They will often cite their girlfriends and say things such as ""None my girlfriends would date a guy who is a fuck boy"" or ""my girlfriends are turned off by players"". + +If a man is promiscuous there must be something of value that grants him access to sex with women. It could be looks, finances, social skills etc. + +Is it correct to say that the majority of women are actually attracted to ""players"" and ""fuck boys"" hence why they are ""fuck boys"" because they are highly promiscuous? How can a women say that they are not attracted to such men, yet these same men are sleeping with the majority of women? It does not make sense to me. + +A man who is promiscuous is desirable. A man who isn't is likely not. A women to say that herself and her girlfriends would prefer a non promiscuous man would be the equivalent of saying that they desire a man who is not desirable. ",,42,ShelterNo2786,1706324126.0 +PurplePillDebate,1acfdhj,LOOKS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. + +&#x200B; + +You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,2,AutoModerator,1706374864.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ac45yf,How would you know if your partner was cheating?,"Goes for any gender, many a times you are separated for short week long times perhaps to visit family in another country or vacation. How would you know about if your partner was taking the time away for other thrilling short term relationships? + +I feel as if it isn’t necessary known the extent to which infidelity exists because I feel like it could be something easy to hide if you have a strong trusting relationship with your partner. + +Perhaps I’m just skeptical or anxious about what my partner could do while away.",,11,oddkidmatt,1706335816.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abral3,What are some of your 'favorite' societal contradictions?,"Note: Favorite doesn't mean that you like it or that you want it to stay this way forever. If anything, you probably hate it and would like to see it leveled/reformed. Doesn't have to be gendered (but given this sub, it probably will be). + +And by societal, it doesn't have to be comprehensive. For example, dating in rich communities are different than poor communities, dating <25 is different than >40, etc. So it could be a niche contradiction within your subset of society.",,23,Purple_Cruncher_123,1706299025.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abjsiz,Society seems to assign womanhood virtue.,"&#x200B; + +**First : The perception of victimhood** + +Women are certainly at a higher risk of victimization and a lot of society endorses protectionist measures to not only keep them safe but also to make them feel safe. But how that affects perception is the almost default position of giving women chances and leeway - interms of interpretation of their words and actions, in terms of allowing for projection of sympathy and reasons upon their actions and even if held responsible for their actions given a lesser punishment for those actions + +In contrast men, especially undesirable men deal with a pervasive horns effect where statements are interpreted in the worst possible way without any allowance of nuance. Society will do its damn-est to not see women as monsters and not see men as human ( eg : if i remark that i fear for the future where more young men are left bereft of hope as i think it would be a volatile time some women seem to think i am coercing them into sex with incels under the threat of future violence. Am I supposed to take these women seriously? ) + +**Secondly : The perception of virtue as a derivation of victim-hood** + +Ours is a culture where we assign a moral superiority to victims. Naturally the victim deserves help and support. Certainly more than the aggressor. + +On an individual basis this is fair. But things get murky when you assign that status to entire groups Ie women. + +Furthermore I submit to you that victims have moral superiority only withing the context of that event. It is not an inalienable descriptor. More often than not victims do victimize. But we seem to forget that when it comes to women. + +This all sounds pretty boiler plate so why am I bringing it up? we excuse all actions based on the virtue of victim hood. None of their choices are to be criticized because they are victims or potential victims disadvantaged by the patriarchy + +Why do women go for men who earn as much if not more? because they get pregnant, because they aren't paid as much, because they are taking a risk on a guy as a woman therefore he better have his shit together, because guys are insecure when women earn more + +Why do women want guys taller than them? You cant judge sexual preference (yes you can), Men are taller in general,men who are shorter are insecure, they want to be in their feminine (barf) + +Why are do women ghost men ? well they cant be sure if the guy is a psycho or not ( like these women can go on dates with these guys they are scared of, sleep with them if they are charming or handsome enough on date one and suddenly they are scared because the guy they met might be a psycho? ) + +Why do women by and large not split on dates? because patriarchy, because they spend money on getting ready ( dont - either you do it for yourself or not at all) , because they think a guy who splits is not interested, because guys get insecure, because they want to be in their feminine( barf) + +You get the picture. They are given the get out of jail for free card by the zeitgeist and it is ridiculous how far people will go to excuse them + +**Thirdly : The assumption of moral superiority.** + +Women do have their share of problems, I am sure sexism and harassment is a constant reality for them. + +However they are able to achieve milestones of assumed fulfillment more easily than men. They are able to get into relationships, marry and eventually have children. Even if they dont they dont get worried that it wont be possible because of the optionality they enjoy and their past experiences with relationships such that they can imagine and visualize a future where they are happy. + +Even If they end up alone it will never be because they are not enough but rather that the men they met ( had the misfortune to meet) were not enough ( [https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18eggnk/single\_men\_are\_bitter\_i\_wonder\_why/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://np.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18eggnk/single_men_are_bitter_i_wonder_why/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ) + +That is fucking ridiculous. + +The assumption is that men who struggle have something wrong with them. + +The assumption is that When women say that we are competing with the peace of their solitude it is a value judgement on men everywhere. The implication of the statement is that we(men) are so shitty that it is better for them to be alone. That we are so far gone and so misogynistic, so terrible on a pure moral level that we don't deserve to have even the hope of happiness. After all a world where misogynists don't get to abuse women is a good world. + +But men ( in general) are not shitty. We are just ordinary and ordinary is not enough. All those growing pains, awkwardness, compromises, little misunderstandings and the anxiety inducing need to trust each other in relationships and the time investment ..... they just don't want to do for an average guy. They don't want us not because we are terrible but because we are normal people who are the same as them, and we are simply not enough. + +In other words if women suddenly became men they would struggle at securing a partner because they don't meet the standards women want men to clear. + +Some of the women here have such terrible personalities that they would be incels if they became men. And they would defend the incel position just as aggressively as the ones here do. + +They just happen to be tolerated in their relationships and assume that that means that they are better people than they actually are. They assume that the men struggling are worse people than they are. And they assume that the men struggling deserve their lot in life + +Its all very ironic. At least it is to me",,54,AdEffective7894s,1706279894.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ab6iwm,"Most girls are genuinely repelled by truly kind men, you have to have some degree of asshole in you or they will get bored","Women are ultimately turned off by overly wholesome or kind men. This phenomenon has been obfuscated by women angry at the growing awareness of this among the male population, especially since the growth of the internet and TRP becoming mainstream. + +The entire conversation has been hijacked by feminists who now have a hair trigger response to any man even daring to use the word “nice,” rushing to assure them they are not in fact “as nice as they think.” This is obviously a nonsense deflection, as these are two entirely different things - men feigning kindness in exchange for sex are a completely separate unrelated issue.",,152,The-Loop,1706233432.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abgmtf,"Why do men not tell other men to be vulnerable, AND, why do women tell men to be more vulnerable, en masse?","Do men tell other men **not to be** vulnerable because of: + +1. Men believe that when they are vulnerable, women will be turned off by them and instead of opening up Pandora's box and seeing what happens, they'd rather not anyways \[when they are vulnerable\]. +2. Men have been vulnerable to women and when they were, they were burned. +3. Other? + +Do women tell other men **to be** vulnerable because of: + +1. It's necessary to express emotions when going through chaos and turmoil. You have to express them or you'll bottle it in. +2. It's a shit test and women want to see if the guys actually 'crack' +3. Other?",,23,sniper1905,1706270068.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abo2m1,“genuinely kind guy” is a rebrand of the “nice guy”,"I’ve seen a few posts as of late and a number of comments suggesting that someone isn’t a nice guy, he’s a genuinely kind guy and therefore women only like assholes. I find this hilarious because the rhetoric being spread IS nice guy rhetoric - its like nice guys saw that people caught up to their games and changed their wording after a bunch of people said “be a genuinely kind person, don’t be nice” + + +to put it as clear as possible - if you feel the need to call kindness as your primary marketable trait, or if you think kindness should give you something in return (the literal meaning of entitlement), you’re not “genuinely kind” + + +I’ll say this bluntly, kindness alone, generally speaking, does not make you attractive, it can, however, add to an already existing attraction. Even then, the thought that kindness would lead to attraction and therefore you should be kind is nice guy rhetoric through and through. + + +If you’re genuinely kind, you won’t feel the need to market it and mention it as your primary trait. You have to have to be fun loving, pleasant, confident, even brave and courageous. Kindness alone doesn’t mean squat. + + +To be very clear - I am not saying men can’t be genuinely kind, in fact, people as a whole can and should be genuinely kind. However, what I take issue with is people marketing themselves as “genuinely kind”, it feels like a rebrand of the “nice guy” because genuinely kind people would not feel the need to describe themselves as such - it would show with their interests, how they treat others, how they interact with the world around them, etc. + + + +(and i think i’ll throw this in too, im waiting for the “you said be nice, and now you’re questioning me so you told me to be kind instead, i am kind and now you’re moving the goal posts again!” - if you feel that way, re-read the post.)",,7,KayRay1994,1706290812.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abcfjb,Men erroneously confuse being confident with being an asshole with the whole nice guy/asshole dichotomy and women,"All you have to do is understand is that confidence is the most important personality trait when it comes to not only attracting a mate, but friends and people in general. That's it. Confidence. You don't have to be a cocky asshole to be confident. + +I believe the confusion comes from the fact that so called assholes are perceived as more confident, whereas the guys they think are ""nice guys"" tend to be more self-depreciating. + +**You also don't have to be an asshole to be able to playfully tease, playful teasing is a great way to flirt with people in general and make them more attracted to you as a person. It just shows you're not an ass-kisser.** That tall, dark haired, cocky asshole you knew in highschool or college wasn't banging all the chicks you wished you could because he was a dickhead, it was because he **looked good and he was confident.** He'd still be banging those chicks if he was a kind ray of sunshine. + +The truth is women, and most people, actually enjoy being around genuinely kind people. We like being around people that make us feel good about ourselves and bring us up. Guys like will smith and chris hemsworth who are immensely charismatic and popular among fellow celebrities, if you watch any of their interviews or interactions with their costars they are constantly deferring praise to other people even if they're not physically present. But they're also willing to playfully tease other people, but its received well because they're actually nice people (or appear to be). + +**Think of the hero archetype;** he's strong, courageous, willful and assertive. He uses his strength to help others in need and doesn't let setbacks impede his goals. He's kind and helpful, not just to women and children but to his friends, and people enjoy being around him. He stands by his values and doesn't compromise them for anyone, and isn't easily goaded into losing his cool by mere words of disrespect. He's compassionate, and would go to great lengths to please the woman he loves because he values her greatly as a partner. + +Do you think ANY woman would hear this description of a man and be turned off? + +What we don't like being around are people that make us feel bad either because they put us down or they are self-deprecating and make us pity them. + +You can be able to + +* speak assertively +* maintain eye contact when speaking +* not be afraid to share dissenting opinions +* be able to say no politely +* have open body language and good posture +* set boundaries +* be self assured +* be decisive with your choices and moves +* be goal-setting +* be-optimistic +* create excitement and fun experiences for the people around you (friends and romantic interests) + +While also being + +* altruistic +* generous +* empathetic +* considerate +* positive +* helpful +* respectful + +People on reddit and other online manosphere communities, and I'm sure its mostly younger guys or guys with very little social acuity or experience, have the idea that it is black and white. **I'm sure in a lot of cases even the guy that they think is an asshole is probably a nice person whos just assertive and makes jokes at other peoples expense sometimes but they know its only a joke.** + +No woman has ever seen a man (that they are reasonably attracted to) rescue a cat out of a tree or help them with their groceries, hold the door for them, compliment them or uplift a friend and said ""wow, that really makes my pussy dry."" + +Because displaying kindness doesn't turn women off, despite some of you guys' attempts to gaslight women into admitting that it does. Displaying doormat tendencies does, and it doesn't just turn women off, it turns everyone off. Constantly going out of your way for someone who never reciprocates in any way, to your detriment, is a turn off. Putting yourself down constantly to make other people feel good or get amusement, is a turnoff. Letting someone walk over you or trample your wishes and desires, is a turnoff. + +I've already implied it twice but I'll make it clear. Personality matters a lot more when it comes to keeping a woman. There are some that would argue you literally only have to be hot and that you can be either a dick or a saint and still keep a woman. This is untrue, at-least if you want an actual relationship with someone. Ideally, you should be as attractive as you can be physically, while also still being confident and kind in order to maintain a good long-term relationship. + +EDIT: + +Clarification. I do not believe you can't get girls if you are an asshole, if you know how to balance being a cocky asshole with other positive personality traits and aren't an asshole ALL THE TIME, you can have good success. But, this doesn't mean the lack of being an asshole is unattractive to women. + +One comment I read also had some good insight + +>""So I feel like you\&#039;re conflating several dimensions of personality to put men into two simple categories, when in reality a majority don\&#039;t fit into either. The \&quot;big five\&quot; personality traits are openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Your nice guy stereotype is probably low on openness (doesn;t want to try a lot of new things, may be seen as boring), high on conscientiousness (thoughtful, good impulse control), low on extroversion (not very social), high on agreeableness (prioritizes the needs of others, not argumentative), and may go either way on neuroticism (emotional instability). Your asshole stereotype would be the exact opposite.However, how many people that you know personally (Im talking family, close friends) really fit perfectly into either of these? From a distance, I\&#039;d say a lot do. Close up, I think I know none, maybe one at most.Extraversion probably helps the most with dating, followed by openness. So if our nice guy is lacking in those, yes he will struggle, whereas if the asshole is low on conscientiousness and agreeableness but high on the aforementioned traits, he will still do better. That much I agree on. But there are also many other combos, and I don\&#039;t believe all outgoing, open guys are \&quot;actually bad people.\&quot; Seems like black and white, \&quot;all or nothing\&quot; thinking to me."" + +&#x200B;",,33,EsotericRonin,1706252513.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abhs8e,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics **(must use np links for reddit)**, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,12,AutoModerator,1706274019.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abvdf6,"Do virgin women still have ""value"" or is it something ""from the past""?","In almost all the ambients, there are virtually no virgin women. Being virgin makes you, more often than not, unable to relate to most of your peers. Also, it even gets in the way of some accomplishments, because most women talk about their ""exes"" and you don't have anything to contribute to the talking, making you some kind of a ""pariah"". So, my question is: do virgin women still have something to be proud of?",,0,sadbitch55,1706309343.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ac05ya,"Men having lower standards of cleanliness is not a ""flaw""","I see women often criticize men for not cleaning up as much as they would like, and use this as a reason to blame him for a relationship/marital breakdown. This is nothing short of pure solipsism, different people have different standards of cleanliness and there's nothing wrong with that. So long as he's not nagging you about cleaning(how often do you see that happen?), it's just a difference in an aesthetic preferences. + +If you don't want to live with a man because you think they're too messy , that's fine and it's your right, but it doesn't mean he's done anything wrong. If you can't compromise then you're just not compatible. **Men aren't bad people for not meeting your expectations.**",,0,AI_CODE_MONKEY,1706322762.0 +PurplePillDebate,19fjscd,Would you care if your gf hung out with guys she’s slept with in the past?,"If you started dating a new woman and she let you know she had some guy friends she’s slept with in the past, would that be a deal breaker for you?",,19,d4rkw3b5,1706216558.0 +PurplePillDebate,19flsbz,What are your opinions on the exredpill community?,"Do you guys agree with the exredpill reddit or are you vehemently opposed to it? + +I personally am more leaning towards the exredpill community because they have scientifically thoroughly debunked common redpill beliefs? + +I also think that the redpill is toxic to both men and women? + +What are your opinions on this?",,14,bigflame123,1706221922.0 +PurplePillDebate,19fcloz,"Dating advice, therapy bait-and-switch","Edit: It seems that I am shadow banned site wide, but I'm not sure why. No one gave me any warnings. **I would love to respond to your comments but I've been shadow banned across the whole website. None of my comments replying to you are showing up. The PPD mods have muted me from DM-ing them. There is nothing I can do about it.** + +Often people will do a bait-and-switch when the current topic is dating, but the advice-giver suggests therapy. Here's how it usually goes: + +- me: I want to date more + +- them: go to therapy + +- me: I did, it didn't improve my dating life + +- them: therapy isn't supposed to improve your dating life, it's for you to understand yourself better. + +- me: if it won't help my dating life then why did you suggest it as a way to improve my dating life? Also, I already understand myself. I've got that covered. At this time I'm interested in improving my dating life. + +- them: If you're having dating trouble that proves you don't understand yourself. Why can't you get dates? + +- me: No, that doesn't follow, understanding yourself doesn't magically make people want to date you. Also, you don't know me at all. Anyway, to answer your question: I don't know. Often, people don't tell you why they reject you, especially women, when there's extra fear that the rejected party could get angry. + +- them: What? I don't believe you. Surely, you must know why they rejected you. + +- me: I could guess, but there's no guarantee that my guess is right. + +- them: See? You don't understand yourself. You need to work on that first. Put dating on hold and go to therapy until you understand yourself. There! Now that I've given you an answer you can go work on that. Go away now. + +- me: Umm, no, your advice doesn't actually address the problem I presented you with. Also, you aren't the first person to give me that advice. There is some truth to your advice, I'll grant you that, but the problem is that I already took your advice years ago. That's how I got here. I've already done what you told me I should do and it didn't get me what I wanted. That's why I'm asking for help. + +- them: I don't think you want help. You just want to wallow in your misery. You just want to complain. Your problem is your victim mindset. You know that you aren't entitled to women, right? Besides, getting laid isn't a big deal anyway. Plenty of people are happy being single and you can be too. I'm done talking to you, go away, stop complaining. + +... Anyway, that's about how it goes. Do you have anything new for me?",,43,Ok-Principle-3785,1706198404.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abvlp0,Telling small d men to be good at oral amd fingering is emasculating,"Telling small penis men to be good at oral and with their hands is more emasculating than telling them to accept what they have and their situation. Not being good as the big dick guy, because oral and fingering is additional to PIV, not the main part of sex. Otherwise, it will almost be lesbian sex. No woman will say ""we had sex"" after a guy just eats her out and fingers her, even though she orgasmed. It's more sad for the guy, almost telling him not to use his penis because it can't please women.",,0,KeyFollowing1529,1706309942.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abfamx,Why do you use makeup?,"What is the reason behind it? Isn't your natural beauty enough? + + +Some women on this sub either say they're doing it because of the ""patriarchy"" and because society forces them to do so. Some say they are doing it for themselves and because it is fun. But what about you?",,2,-snickerss-,1706264811.0 +PurplePillDebate,19fkxsy,"Ladies be honest, how many of you are truly interested in dating an older man?","I ask this question because it seems to me that men love younger women to the point where it seems like they have an obsession with dating us. So, I wonder do young women feel the same way about older men?",,6,VickiLynnRose,1706219766.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abwoae,Should women be more proactive in promoting pro-male ethical non-monogamy?,"Should women be more proactive in promoting pro-male ethical non-monogamy? + +I have argued that late bloomer men are entitled to have sex outside of committed relationships while within committed relationships, up to and including extramarital sex. Unironically. + +While I'm uncomfortable with cheating (i.e., outright adultery / infidelity), I am of the opinion that late bloomer men are definitely entitled to bully their SOs into accepting one-sided ""ethical non-monogamy"" arrangements, especially those that are short of open relationships. Unironically. + +So as to pre-empt male frustration and resentment, should women be more proactive in promoting pro-male ethical non-monogamy, even before marriage? + +Examples: + +1) Low-libido women offer to become cuckqueans in relation to their high-libido male partners, even before marriage. Perhaps they watch their male partners have mind-blowing sex with escorts. + +2) Women with higher libidos offer FMF threesomes to their high-libido male partners, even before marriage. This would include non-overweight single mothers offering to do so for their late bloomer male partners. + +3) Women with higher libidos offer the swinging lifestyle to their high-libido male partners, even before marriage. With this, late bloomer men should have less of an excuse to have retroactive jealousy.",,0,FromAuntToNiece,1706312774.0 +PurplePillDebate,19f036e,CMV: The sex positives on this subreddit are interested in normalizing cheating behavior.,"After looking at the cheating type posts on this subreddit I am beginning to think the sex positivites in this subreddit reddit want to push the boundary between male and female friendship. As a disclaimer I am not against male and female friendships and I think they are good to have. + +So like one lady was like I trust my man to sleep in same hotel room with a women and other people should as well. Another lady said my man should be ok with going to strip club. Then she goes on to explain sex positivity and how we should teach kids sex is natural. I found that odd and unrelated. They all sound like they think they are morally superior than people who are uncomfortable with those things. + +On the relationship subreddit I saw a post about his wife going clubbing and didn't return around six am without telling him. Or another one where she always talks about her male coworker and how much she cares about what he thinks of her. This also true when gender are reversed. I saw a post about op complaining her boyfriend follows insta girls and the comments just gaslight her. + +These are not cheating behaviors but at the very least people should be suspicious of these things without judgment and be able to communicate in a healthy way. If things don't work out then it's ok to move on. We don't owe people who don't share our values a relationship .",,86,[deleted],1706154282.0 +PurplePillDebate,1abfnem,"Should late bloomer men insist hard on ""starter girlfriend"" status or not?","Should late bloomer men insist hard on ""starter girlfriend"" status or not? + +What phases of a committed relationship should these relationship virgins, aged 35-45, spell out for ""starter girlfriends""? Exclusivity? Living together? + +[Starter girlfriends: the worrying trend of throwaway partners](https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/61054/1/starter-gf-tiktok-relationships-throwaway-girlfriends-gen-z-dating-trends) + +> Online, young men and boys are following red-pilled advice urging them to get a throwaway partner to gain relationship experience + +I am posting this because there's another DO40 thread by another woman inquiring about a male relationship virgin. + +As someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style, I would probably insist on ""living together"" arrangements at my place and not my hypothetical SO's place, even if she were a homeowner. She can then rent out her place. Simply put, I don't want to pay much higher rents if a relationship fails.",,0,FromAuntToNiece,1706266287.0 +PurplePillDebate,19f7qd1,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,1706184012.0 +PurplePillDebate,19f7zqz,"CMV: Most Red Pillers (TRP) are actually the most defeatist of all the ""Pills""","This is in context to the recent battle between trad cons and TRPs online. Trade cons point out that TRPs generally are very hedonistic and create the very world they despise. They ""spin plates"" but in that sense create lots of pain and traumatized women in the process. TRPs general response is ""no point in fighting the system"" etc, which is in stark contrast to the ethos of their philosophy (masculinity, never giving up, solving problems, leadership etc). And this is why I think they are more black pilled than even the most staunch black pillers. I've noticed this for years now that many of them don't ever try to do anything on mass. Many are very individualistic and don't try to collectively enact political change to address their perceived grievances. They basically end up in utilitarian thought loops. + +I think this is because the content creators actually secretly don't want the problems to disappear thanks to the economic incentives of their career. And their audiences slop it right up without challenging it much. That's why I think the RP is unsustainable and is why I left it years ago. + +What say you all?",,6,MOProG2,1706184934.0 +PurplePillDebate,19ep2b9,Who is your favourite example of positive masculinity?,"For me it is “The Brockton Blockbuster” Rocky Marciano. + +Marciano is probably the toughest boxer of all time. He is the only boxing heavyweight champion in history to retire undefeated and triumphed over more skilful opponents through determination and sheer courage. + +Yet he never lost his humanity he + +1) Was an exceptionally gentle man outside the ring, was known for visiting polio patients and others who felt abandoned by society. He was also highly progressive for his time, and at a time when black people were marginalised, Marciano would always show respect and class towards black opponents as well as white ones. + +2) Wasn’t afraid of showing his emotions, he reluctantly fought his idol Joe Louis as a favour and was in tears after he defeated his hero. + +3) Was deeply upset when he seriously injured an opponent. After he put Carmine Vingo into a coma, Marciano paused his career until Vingo recovered, then later invited Vingo to his wedding. + +4) He was a devoted family man, retired early to spend more time with them and frequently declined lucrative offers to step back in the ring.",,55,PowerBaseSlam,1706124918.0 +PurplePillDebate,19ekvnb,Why can't women take an L?,"[All women are 10s?](https://youtu.be/PQtdOuD4cLc?si=VgY_kWjIwnj5Nvjo) + +So in the video there's a lot of things hoe\_math covers, but I think the ""all women are 10s"" extends beyond just them ""thinking"" they are all 10s. + +* **The Hivemind**: Women's desperate need for equality (equality for women but not men though, because obviously not all men are equal and no woman believes that) +* **Disguising their status lowering behavior**: Women will manipulate the truth so that it doesn't detract from their status. Examples are ""*all bodies are beautiful* (for women, not men)"", or ""no man has ever asked my bodycount, or ""I have a high bodycount and still landed a HVM"", or ""pumping and dumping doesn't exist if I don't believe in being slut shamed"". To blatantly deny reality or act as if their value has not been lowered in any way when they very clearly know it has; to save status. +* **Delusion**: I don't actually believe that this many women are truly delusional, however there are a good chunk of women who are. I think this is a deliberate tactic to try to increase a low value woman's value, while maintaining that all men are not equal. + +This is why I believe that women refuse to take an L in dating. If women would like to prove me wrong, take an L right now. Tell us the things that lower your value.",,78,SlowEffective8146,1706113223.0 +PurplePillDebate,19f2xxi,"Men, describe your “Sex Zone”.","Pretty much the title. Describe the Sex Only Zone and what parameters you feel puts a woman in the Sex-Only Zone. + +I’ve already got my parameters Lol, I just wanna know yours and I’ll watch the nuclear war in the comments🍿. + +And ladies , how do you feel about the sex zone , the concept of it, and these guys parameters?",,5,DevThaGodfatha,1706164000.0 +PurplePillDebate,19ef1s3,Most of what gets called “manipulation” and “grooming” seems to be just seduction people don’t like,"lets be honest here; in the west women not only have almost a complete autonomy when it comes to picking their partners, they have also reached economic independence, are outpacing men in higher education and pretty much have all the necessary socio-political tools to decide on what terms they are going to enter or end a formal or informal relationship. I am not claiming this, women themselves are quite proud of not needing no men to marry anymore. + +simultaneously with this greater autonomy they are increasingly percieved by others and sometimes even themselves as victims of circumstance. The word “grooming” people thorw around like a power-phrase by a scaremongering republican on a campaign trail in the 1980s was always understood as the act of an adult establishing a relationship with a minor for sexual purposes. Today its just applied on consensual relationships between adults with whatever age gap the accuser personally finds “inappropriate”. + +people especially seem confused about the cognitive capabilities of young adult women: a 21 year old woman choosing an abortion is seen as empowered in her ability to do so (by left leaning progressive at least), a 21 year old woman falling for a much older guy is a “victim” of manipulation. This makes no sense, but our broader culture states this between the lines.",,120,HardTimes4Vampires,1706095995.0 +PurplePillDebate,1ab7hnj,Q4W: Would you have an issue with men showing off their penises?,"So a question I have for women is how they would feel about men showing their penises off. I'll give a couple examples: + +1. A male high school teacher who wears pants that are designed to accentuate his penis? +2. A coworker who wears pants that are low cut in the front showing off a little bit of the base. +3. A man at the gym who wears extremely short shorts that let his balls every so slightly hang out. + +What would your honest opinion be about these situations? What if anything should be done about this?",,0,FutureBannedAccount2,1706236208.0 +PurplePillDebate,19efo7r,Male surplus is a problem,"Since 2015, the male surplus in Sweden has only increased. It is most pronounced among the younger age groups. In 2021, the number of men between 20 and 24 years old was 13 percent higher compared to women of the same age. Put simply, there were 53 percent men and 47 percent women. These are unprecedented differences. + +When young men outnumber women in the same age group, exclusion increases on the marriage market. The young men who do not finish school today and never get a job are the first ones who will be chosen out. This group grows in line with the male surplus. For men lacking other forms of capital—social and economic—only violence capital remains in the end. + +CBS News +https://www.cbsnews.com › news +Sweden struggles with first gender balance shift in 267 years",,62,Electronic-Pool-7458,1706098245.0 +PurplePillDebate,19er3si,Question for RedPill about households where each spouse works full-time,"Many of us agree that it should be possible to support a family and own a home on a single income. Though not impossible, it can be difficult to make that work in today's economy. My understanding of the right-wing perspective on this is that men and women have different traits and are more suited towards different roles, men being the earners and women being the home-keepers/child-rearers (complementarianism). Different work for the husband and wife, but in theory it's balanced. + +Many families, regardless of beliefs, choose to have both parents work full-time, often due to economic constraints. There is still a lot of work that needs to be done at home. + +There is a perception on the left (my upbringing was very much on the left), that in conservative marriages where each spouse works full time, child-rearing and household labor still typically fall on the women the vast majority of the time in addition to their full-time employment. That's obviously unfair, but I can't imagine that every conservative family operates that way. + +If you and your spouse are conservative and both work full-time, how are household labor and child-rearing distributed in your home? Are you satisfied with this or would you prefer a more traditional setup? How does your spouse feel? + +\---------------------------- + +Edit: To clarify, this question is directed towards conservative people, red pill or not.",,11,nailsatan,1706129904.0 +PurplePillDebate,19ervhl,Odds are you won’t be your partner’s “sexist” or “best in bed” - and that’s okay,"To get this out of the way, i’m not talking about beta buxing - while I do think such a thing is real, that’s not what i’m talking about, and i’m gonna get why later. + + + +Lots of people will have met and slept with multiple people in their lives - whether it be a small handful to a bunch, but, what separates a long term partner from a short term fling or just someone who’s there just for sex is a set of personality traits/characteristics that indicate long term compatibility. + + +Think of this way, for a successful LTR, you need multiple different layers of compatibility, and sexual compatibility is just one of them. Even amongst each layer, there are different levels of compatibility. + + +Now, say you meet someone - you’re compatible in nearly every way, and sexually, while your sex life is good, it isn’t by any means mind blowing - like yall fuck, yall clearly enjoy each other’s company, but you aren’t your partner’s best lay. + + +Here’s a thing though, there is a reason why the best lay isn’t in this person’s life anymore, because while sexually your partner and this person were, let’s say 100% compatible, that compatibility was lacking in every other aspect. But let’s say you and your partner are at 60%ish sexual compatibility, and very compatible in other dimensions - guess which of the two makes for a better, stronger, relationship? + + +“but that’s just beta buxxing” - not really, while it can cross to that territory fairly easily if you’re not careful, just ask yourself if you’re actually compatible with your partner in multiple aspects, or if you’re settling cause you don’t want to be alone. Does your partner genuinely love and respect you? Does your partner support you? if the answer is yes, you’re not being beta buxxed.",,7,KayRay1994,1706131788.0 +PurplePillDebate,19efo31,does social proofing on attraction show how women have lower levels of free will or independent thought?,"Firstly: before NAWALT comes I must say that yes, not all but many women care about other womens opinion on a person they meet for the first time and you can search social proofing/preselecting concepts on google to see if this happens. Also there are many men who experienced an increase of attention they get by just having women around them or having a ring on their finger. + +When you really think about it though: why do women need to see other women being attracted to the person they feel attracted to? why is the reverse not true for mens attraction most of the time? + +would choose a question tag but its for everyone not only for red/blue pills or a gender so I went with debate.",,8,genesislotus,1706098232.0 +PurplePillDebate,19efs45,"What is less intimidating to a woman, going on a coffee date or going jogging together if you live near one another?","Just to build rapport, see what happens. Basically this would be if you know each other in passing, but not yet very well. My opinion would be the jogging but I don't know. That is why I am posting here.",,3,dannyboyd34,1706098635.0 +PurplePillDebate,19dtci2,"Women on Reddit do not represent normal, every day girls and so the dialogue and “blue pill” opinions here are irrelevant to most men","It’s really very simple: most men struggle to some degree now after 10 years of havoc wreaked by social media & online dating. Naturally, with the censorship of big tech and the me-too witch hunts, the only option many men are left with for venting is anonymous message boards which Reddit has a monopoly on. + +Women, on the hand, do not have these problems. Although they may have different dating problems, they pale in comparison to men’s struggles and having much lower sex drives they do not *need* men the way men need women. Furthermore, only a very small subset of extremely unfortunate women truly struggle to find a mate. This removes the psychological impact and therefore very few if any reasonably attractive or well adjusted, “mainstream” women would have any reason to be lurking in an anonymous “pill forum.” + +As such, any and all opinions given by women here should be taken with a grain of salt and mostly do not apply to the women most of the men here are interested in.",,108,The-Loop,1706029942.0 +PurplePillDebate,19eej4g,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,2,AutoModerator,1706094029.0 +PurplePillDebate,19ed6uz,Do things become easier when you are a high-value man?,"Hello + +It’s been a while since this space has been constantly talking about high-value men. + +Have things become easier now that you are actually a high-value man? High-value being, very high up in the male-dominance hierarchy, at least your bank account is quite hefty and does beat your peers. + +I’m just curious if things actually get easier dealing with women once you reach the high-value man status.",,4,UVIV,1706088309.0 +PurplePillDebate,19dtnwm,"Women, how often do you make a guy (you like) wait for sex while having an active FWB on the side?","So… I’m usually the FWB on the side, so to me it seems like all women do this. I know my view is probably skewed, but I’m curious to know how common it is. + +My dating profile explicitly says I’m looking for casual hookups. So clearly that’s who I match with. + +But I’m currently hooking up with a woman who went on date 5 with a man she deems relationship material and he hasn’t slept with her yet. (This is what she tells me, and I have no reason to not believe her due to our casualness and openness) + +I’m also into kink so the type of casual sex we have is rough and filthy. + +But what struck me odd was a couple days ago, her and I hooked up during the mid day before she had date 5 with this man. + +I didn’t know she was going out with him until after, because I asked what she was up to tonight. Then she said “dinner with this guy I’m seeing” + +I don’t care one bit about that, but it’s kind of crazy to me, this woman just let me cum on her face at 11am and at 7pm she’s sitting across from a guy she thinks is relationship material and making wait for sex. + +Like, if this guy found out, he’d bail in a heartbeat I imagine. + +But I’m genuinely curious how widespread this behavior is. + +Do most of you women always have an active FWB to meet your needs while you’re out vetting “the one”? + +I’d appreciate your perspective + +Thanks",,62,d4rkw3b5,1706030851.0 +PurplePillDebate,19dpur8,"""They're only being nice because they want sex"" - yeah, and there is nothing wrong with that","Isn't that what most guys are doing? Do women think these so called ""Chads"" out there just want a platonic relationship and just happen to get sex as a coincidence?! Hell no, they're being nice to women to get sex, too. When people see someone they're attracted to they will be on their best behavior. It's completely normal to be like this. Most single heterosexual males with a healthy libido aren't going to seek out women for strictly platonic friendships. Sex just feels too good to leave it at that. + +The difference between ""Chads"" and the ""nice guys"" is their success rate, nothing else, its not their tactic, but failure which separates the ladies man from the ""nice guy"" whose same actions get judged retroactively. The ""nice guy"" failing to get the girl is upona rectroactive judgment always in the wrong: if he approaches a women with the upfront intent to ask her out, he is a ""nice guy"" for treating women as potential romantic targets not getting to know them as ""regular people"" first, if he goes the get-to-know-as-friends first route, he is trying to weasel in her pants through by concealing his true motive.",,97,HardTimes4Vampires,1706020727.0 +PurplePillDebate,19dodvn,CMV: Bluepillers don't actually care about self improvement.,"I'm as blackpilled as they come and I'll admit that self improvement can work. However, bluepilled guys here seem to think that its GUARANTEED to work and if it doesn't, you are just a lazy slob. The don't actually care about self improvement, only if you are successful or not. Bluepillers would praise a successful manipulative redpill guy over an honest guy who gave his best but failed. + +What happened to the CMV flair btw?",,73,flakybottom,1706016408.0 +PurplePillDebate,19dsism,"What are some partner behaviors that are commonly considered cheating, but you don't (or otherwise don't mind)?","Is there any type of behavior from your partner that's commonly considered cheating, but you either (a) don't consider it cheating & would therefore allow it or (b) do consider it cheating, but would allow it nevertheless? I'll give some examples. + +Relating to a fetish: + +* If you fetishize same sex relationships, you probably wouldn't mind your partner cheating on you with the same sex + +* If you have a cuckold fetish, you probably wouldn't mind your partner cheating (with either gender) + +Relating to culture/values: + +* If you're accustomed to a culture where platonic kissing is normal, you probably wouldn't mind seeing your partner greet friends with a kiss or to show platonic affection + +* If you believe that as long as you're both having sex with that third person then there's no cheating because it somehow ""cancels out"" then you probably don't consider threesomes a problem + +* If your partner is a sex worker of some type (anywhere from escorting to selling nudes) and you believe that paid sexual activity is just like any other paid activity, then you probably don't consider that cheating + +Relating to desperation: + +* If you are desperate to a point where you don't want to lose your partner because you fear you wouldn't find someone else, so you tolerate cheating + +Do any of these apply to you? Or any more of this sort?",,10,brilliant22,1706027774.0 +PurplePillDebate,19dkx45,What are things you hate about other women?,"Men have things they hate about women, women have things they hate about men, I as a man have things I hate about other men. I've had enough seeing men ranting about women on this sub every day, so that's why I want to ask women: What do you hate about other women? For example, what makes a girl ""pick-me"" ? What traits, behaviours etc. have you seen in other women that you hated? ",,29,-snickerss-,1706003502.0 +PurplePillDebate,19dvow9,Is it seen as ungrateful or a bad choice to decline sex?,I feel bad for people who don’t get it but want it. But what about the other way around?,,4,pizzafish-,1706035778.0 +PurplePillDebate,19dl19s,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,9,AutoModerator,1706004017.0 +PurplePillDebate,19ds3e9,I think this is a good definition of a “high value man”. What do you think ladies?,"People often don’t like to use the terms “high value” when talking about dating because it can dehumanize people that don’t fit into that particular criteria, and by doing so it goes against our egalitarian sensibilities in the 21st century. However, with that being said, the reality of sexual selection in humans is often a brutal pill for some people to swallow, especially if you don’t fit into that criteria yourself. When I think of what makes a man “high value” to the opposite sex, I think it’s pretty simple actually from an evolutionary perspective, and I think it’s kind of hard to argue against this definition. Let me see how you ladies respond to this definition. + +To me, a high value man (as it relates to the dating/mating scene) is a man that other men want to be (emulate, strive to be like, look up to), and that lots of women want to fuck (whether or not the man exercises those options or not). + +Doesn’t that make fuck boys high value? Well yes to a degree it would make them high value, because lots of men want to be fuck boys but simply can’t/don’t have the capability to do so. Also pre-selection is a very powerful tool for men to attract other women, which I think reinforces the validity of my definition. Why do you think guys start getting more attention from women once they get into a relationship? It’s because their current girlfriend already pre-screened the guy and found out he’s safe and fun to be around, which makes him more attractive to other women because they in turn feel safe due to other women already feeling safe. That’s pre-selection and it’s a powerful force of nature. + +Ladies who are in a relationship right now, I have another question for you. Do other women find your man attractive? Before you got into a relationship with this man, were other women giving him choosing signals and pining after him? Does it make you feel good that your man has lots of options when it comes to women, but he chooses not to exercise those options and instead chooses to commit to you? Doesn’t that fact that other women find him attractive and a catch make you feel good? Would you feel the same about your current man if no other woman thought he was desirable as a mate? Wouldn’t it turn you off if the man you are currently with had no other options with women and was only with you? It would make you feel like he’s desperate and you’re the only person who would put up with him right? So you see my point… pre-selection is a powerful force and I stand by my original definition of what a high value man is. + +A high value man is simply a man other men want to be, and that lots of women want to fuck. Period. Whether or not he’s a good long term mate is beside the point, I’m talking from a sexual selection/evolutionary perspective. Curious on your thoughts and do you agree or disagree? Thanks! ☺️",,0,know_your_self_worth,1706026710.0 +PurplePillDebate,19crnxv,What is a red pill and a blue pill opinion you have?,"My red pill opinion: LOTS of women are sexually attracted to bad boys. + +My blue pill opinion: Wanting to date a younger woman because she's more ""malleable and can be trained"" will lead to heartbreak for everyone. I am not against age gap relationships on principle but this is a toxic mindset that will likely not work out well for you.",,65,Novel-Tip-7570,1705914935.0 +PurplePillDebate,19da27x,What do you consider cheating?,"So I think we all can agree that any intimate or sexual contact of any kind with someone you're not dating is cheating.... But I think cheating starts way before the physical aspect... For me cheating is this... Anytime you knowingly seek attention or approval from a member of the opposite sex that is not a family member ( by this I mean seeking your dad's approval over a guy or a dude seeking his mom's approval over a girl) so for example if you are a couple and you go out to a club or bar with our your SO that's cheating women dress up for bars and clubs with the intent of getting attention and free drinks... Men go to these to try and get laid... So I present to you this example ( I'll present a male and female scenario) for the men if your lady goes out dressed to kill knowing what goes on in bars, so if shegoes and she lets a man buy her a drink is that cheating? Now for the ladies if your man goes out with the guys dressed up and he comes back and tells ya the next day that he only bought a drink for a girl is that cheating? + +My thoughts process is this cheating never starts off as immediately physical for men it's playful flirting and women is flirting and fantasies...",,2,Gold_Supermarket1956,1705966726.0 +PurplePillDebate,19cioux,"Why do many women say age gap relationships have a ""power imbalance"" yet say nothing about wealth gap relationships?","I have seen many women(especially single women) complain that a man dating a younger women(18-24) is ""preying"" on these women and there is a power imbalance. Yet I've never seen these women criticize wealth gap relationships. Many often seek them. How is a wealthy, attractive man dating a broke, average/below average woman, not a massive power imbalance? He financially holds her up. One can argue ""it's biological"", but so is men seeking younger women. Is it really just jealousy because they see the younger woman as competition, or is there more to it?",,162,Enzo-Unversed,1705883949.0 +PurplePillDebate,19crgeu,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,10,AutoModerator,1705914026.0 +PurplePillDebate,19cktkn,"What advice would you give your daughters when it comes to dating, marriage and family formation?","Would you raise them like you expect them to be members of the upper class or would you raise them like you expect them to like the average woman in your community? + +What advice would you give her when it comes to picking guys, sustaining stable marriages and healthy families? Would you tell them that WFH/flexible jobs would be better if they want to have a family? + +How would you raise your daughter if you expected them to be average? + +Would you put more effort to prevent them from engaging in lower class behaviour (preventing social media/drug/alcohol addiction) and making them as responsible for themselves as they can be (putting them in technical or healthcare professions instead of university, giving them an allowance if they complete their chores, making them supportive of their family)? + +Would you homeschool them? + +Or would raise them like you expect them to be a member of the top 20% (ex: by sending them to private school, surrounding them by high status members of society)?",,21,AethertheEternal,1705890247.0 +PurplePillDebate,19c64r5,“Don’t bother a woman at [location]. She’s just there to [do activity].”,"1. ""Don't bother a woman at the bar. She's just there to have a drink with her friends."" +2. ""Don't bother a woman at the store. She's just there to shop."" +3. ""Don't bother a woman at the library. She's just there to read."" +4. ""Don't bother a woman who smiled at you. She's just a kind person."" + +the problem with this is that unless you're on a dating app, you can't really obtain consent without bothering the person first (reading the room can be difficult as one woman just friendly could be another woman's obvious flirting) , the very act of approach is asking whether there she will agree to something more -- is asking for consent -- + +Every approach can be construed as problematic when it is from the eyes of a woman who isn't welcoming to a mans advances -- no matter how polite it is, how fast he reads her cues of disinterest and backs off is never enough . This is why women keep piling up rules that lead men not to approach them at all: they star s with don't approach at work, but outside professional settings is ok, then we get but don't bother me in the park walking my dog or while running errands cause its ""weird"" , so they suggest bars and night-clubs, but then they're just there to enjoy a night out with their friends and really don't appreciate men hitting on them either...",,136,HardTimes4Vampires,1705851815.0 +PurplePillDebate,19cjtvv,What do you think is the cause for this to happen?,"I've seen this in real life and also online stories of this happening. This might be too difficult to answer + +A man who is married, who loves his wife and children, the man works 70 hours a week, works super hard, provides for his wife/children, claims he also helps tremendously with the house work, does whatever the wife says/wants, takes out the children and looks after them as well, panders to his wife/kids and then....... + +his wife leaves - even though the husband seems to do everything/anything with her + +What is the reason for this? + +Is it because the man is a 'beta provider' and the women was never really attracted to him in the first place? + +Is it because the man does so much for the women she loses respect/interest and leaves? + +Is it because women get bored with guys like that? + +Honestly, this is one of my greatest fears of getting married, i just can't imagine how heart broken i'd be if i was in that situation, where i gave so much to someone only for them to just decide their feelings have changed and they want to leave. + +So what actually is the cause of this? sorry it's a very broad question, not sure if there is an answer to this",,16,ShelterNo2786,1705887229.0 +PurplePillDebate,19cq44l,Serial killer infatuation,Why do you think certain girls are attracted to serial killers such as Jeffrey Dahmer etc. It's my understanding that they get an Fan mail and things like that.,,4,Writing_Good,1705908177.0 +PurplePillDebate,19cbn48,Why do women love testing men,"Here are some challenges I've seen in the reasoning behind it. +Would your partner peel an orange for you: if not he will not work hard for you. +Does your partner know how to clean up ketchup If not he's incompetent. +Give your partner the silent treatment to see how they react. + +All these things are very annoying and they don't really get the hearts of most issues. +Sometimes I just don't want to do many of things that I know my partner can do themselves. I would probably not open the orange for my girlfriend if it's in their hands and I'm busy. But I've worked extra hours to help pay for her back the bills. + +I know how to clean up ketchup. But if I didn't that's probably just a skill issue I could learn that that's a 10-second conversation. I've seen an ex completely breakdown because they didn't know where and how to use the emergency water shut off valve. + +And these stupid questions are just stupid. Would I love you as a snail no because you're a snail. If you cry because I wouldn't love you as a style then you're just mentally unsound. Then reality testing your partner over menial things that sometimes don't have a direct causation to real things is a terrible thing and it feels like it's normally done by women. + +Edit: if you have ever said "" you should know why I am angry with you"" when they ask why are you upset then you have tested/ player games too",,35,sayitallsecret,1705865818.0 +PurplePillDebate,19cj2xa,Prenup a red flag?,"Normally when men tell women to sign a prenup, its consider red flag, but when women tell men to sign a prenup, its consider a green flag, why is there major double standard? + +Thoughts came from this video +https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7wcg-1MRY0",,14,nsfwlucifer,1705885090.0 +PurplePillDebate,19c5ha1,"outside of some obvious exceptions, having no friends is a red flag","Outside of some obvious exceptions - ie. no flag when you just moved to a new city or a yellow flag when you’ve just started to socially get yourself together or when you’ve just had a falling out for external reasons (ie. if your friends betray you or drop you due to political differences) - not having friends should be considered a red flag. + + + +For one thing from a personal pov, having friends is at least some kind of indicator of social activity as well as a sign that you’re able to interact with others and maintain some kind of a relationship. It also is an indicator that you’re actually willing to commit to others. + + +From a relationship based pov, people with no friends are usually worse communicators, more likely to develop an unhealthy attachment with you, will potentially circle their whole life around you and will very likely have a ton of insecurities and internal issues that you will be thrown right in the middle of. + + +So honestly, if you don’t have any friends - maybe it isn’t time for a relationship? maybe you should focus on why you don’t have friends and rectify that before dating?",,59,KayRay1994,1705850038.0 +PurplePillDebate,19c1kk2,Are women the primary motivator in most men's lives?,"Seen a lot of non-blue pillers say that if men learnt the true nature of women, they would give up on society and only care about ""surviving"". Seems like it's [already happening](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori) in Japan. + + +How true is this though? Would men just really become NEETs once you take women off the table? Is the sex drive and the desire to have a family what motivates most men? Would society start to... collapse?",,60,-snickerss-,1705836988.0 +PurplePillDebate,19c4ylc,What are your thoughts on settling? How many people do you think settle? Do you have an experience settling or being settled for?,"I would define settling as ""better than nothing"". It something that is acceptable but it's not what you truly want. It might be out of many reason like running out of time to have children, for money, out of despair, for the sake of not being alone... Any reason other than genuine love and desire is settling. If it's based on logic and/or convenience and not genuine love and desire, it's settling. If you are not over your ex and choose someone as a second best, as consolation prize, it's settling + +It has nothing to do with ""alpha / beta"", nothing to do with ""value"". Those things are not measurable and not universal. So it's based on your personal subjective feelings and preferences. If you truly love your person you're not settling even if there exist taller, richer, whatever ""better"" people. If you don't dream about someone else (imaginery or real) you are not settling. If it's genuine love and desire it's not settling. It's based on your subjective feelings, not some measurable objective standards. + +So this is my definition of settling. If you have different definition or want to add something feel free to do so. + +What do you think are the main reason for settling? My guess would be running out of time to have a family for women and despair / sake of not being alone for men. + +Who settle more, men or women? In this case I have no idea. I think women do it after 30 to have children, but based on reading this sub it seems that men are desperate for just any random women regardless if they truly love her. So maybe men? + +Would you settle, have you settled, were you settled for? + +I just think that settling is not a nice thing to do because you have to essentialy lie to the other person, pretend that you love them. And I could never do it. And being settled for would also break my heart if I loved that person. Maybe mutual settling might be fine if both really want to have a family for example. + +I'm interested to hear what are everyone's thoughts on settling.",,19,Objective_Ad_6265,1705848547.0 +PurplePillDebate,19c3fjt,Which one is correct?,"1. You need to have your own life, own hobbies, be happy and fulfilled. Dating someone won’t fulfill your needs. It won’t make you more happy. + +2. Being lonely and single is bad for your mental health. You need to be in a relationship.",,18,DownwardSpiral_2000,1705843774.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bvhbs,Why I believe Men are unsympathetic towards Women's grievances in dating.,"I believe there are 2 MAIN reasons for this. + + +1) Something is better than nothing. It's no secret that women on average have a plethora of more options than men on average. While women are trying to filter through their's, men are trying to take what they can get. So when women complain that they can't find a good man or they're lonely, us men go ""🙄"" especially with the rise of priding themselves on being gold diggers and publicly prancing on social media how he has to have ""6 figures, over 6ft, etc). Meanwhile us men are thinking ""Out of ALL THE MEN who want you you're telling me NONE of them suffice?!"" That's reason #1. + + + + +2) It's always the men who don't ""deserve the opportunity who get the opportunity"". Let me explain...Guys can relate when I say this. Guys in every community know of AT LEAST 1 or 2 guys that are NO GOOD (talking about will use and discard the girl, caring nothing for her) and absolutely SLAY with women. So when we witness this and us men in our head go ""I wouldn't do that, or the guys ik wouldn't either"". And then you see the SAME GIRL or archetype of girls get in the SAME SITUATIONS with the SAME MAN with a different face, and then complain all men are the same. So bear with us ladies...how COULD we feel sympathetic to your struggles when y'all (not all) throw yourselves at these men who are no good and then complain about all men. When guys who wouldn't treat you that way don't even get the opportunity. + + + +At some point we just think you're hopeless 🤷🏽‍♂️ and ""you do it to yourselves"". That I believe is the core reasons why men on online forums, subreddits or even IRL discussions are so quick to dismiss and scoff at the opinions and +grievances of women when it comes to dating. + +That is also VERY PREVALENT in PPD as well. I hope I shed some light on the topic. + +Also feel free to challenge this rhetoric and provide thorough reasoning for a counterclaim. + +Can't wait to see u guys' responses.",,76,ej_theraider,1705813005.0 +PurplePillDebate,19czysr,Pretty girls don't have it as easy as you think (although they definitely have it easier than most men),"Another banger from Hoe_math, it's no wonder he's blowing up on tiktok, his metacognitive skills are top notch. Anyway, i want to add a couple caveats to his analysis: + +1) This is predicated on the assumption that these top women want to lock down a man they feel is on their level - probably a safe assumption in the majority of cases. For those top level women who don't care about LTR's, this analysis doesn't matter. + +2) Pretty women still have more LTR options than he lets on. A female 10 who can lock down a male 7 who is financially stable/educated/conscientious/family oriented is, IMO, is a winner, long term. This is predicated on the assumption that women care about not JUST looks, but other things as well. + +https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYd1-enPujU",,0,AdmirableSelection81,1705941916.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bwr6n,Would you be a beta bucks?,"I already asked the ladies this question so now I really want to hear from the men. With everything you now know about alpha fuxs/ beta bucks, would you be a beta bucks? + +Let's say certain types of girls wouldn't give you the time of day in the past, or were just too difficult to deal with and wasted your time. Now a couple of years later you been hitting the gym, landed that good job/business, got a hot car, etc. + +Now those ladies from the past are a little older, Don't look as good as they used to, been around the block, and maybe a single mom too. Things didn't work out with her and Chad or the types of guys she used to date are all gone and now you're the best option (she believes) she can get. + +Will you get with her? Also do you think many guys will still get with her now that so many guys are Red Pill aware?",,7,GhettoJamesBond,1705817450.0 +PurplePillDebate,19byeuy,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,3,AutoModerator,1705824021.0 +PurplePillDebate,19biqe8,Is approaching women something men are stopping to do? Is it also frowned upon? Also is male sexuality demonized?,"Please don’t say women only like it when it’s a high value man or an alpha. Jesuchrist I’ve read that a million times. I just want to have a fun, spicy discussion. Anything that’s not a research study cannot be taken seriously I guess. I would appreciate it if you used papers and discussed methodology.",,49,_RichardHendricks_,1705776510.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bjrpf,"Do you believe in the idea of ""just be her first?""","I started this as a post in the daily chat, and the replies there seem to warrant a bigger discussion. + +Q4W: Do you agree with alpha-widow hypothesis? Do you think, based either on your experience or your friends, that the first good sexual relationship leaves a big imprint that is hard to move on from? + +In my years I've met various women who are kind of floundering in the dating world, and with all, or at least most, of them there seems to be a person in their past that they wanted, for whatever reason couldn't have, and can't and/or won't get over. When I learned about the idea of the alpha-widow, the situation of these women instantly made a lot more sense. + +I also tend to notice that most happily married women are with someone they met when they were young. There seems to be something that can be said about meeting your potentially lifelong partner when you're young. + +So, is the idea of ""just be her first"" actually a lot more important than some people like to let on?",,26,OtPayOkerSmay,1705779170.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bo389,The Red pill and Manosphere is based on possibility and not probability,"The Red pill says that they are based on probability and not possibility, but i think it's the opposite, and im going to explain why. +The Red pill tells men that they should wait until they are 35-40 old when they are financially stable to get married, and find a girl in her prime (18-25 old) to marry and start a family. The problem is the chances of this happening are very low. + + 1.THE AVERAGE AGE difference between heterosexual couples in the United States is only 2.3 years, with the man being older.[Average age gap between couples](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships#:~:text=Most%20heterosexual%20men%20marry%20women,gap%20being%20largest%20in%20Africa.) + In other countries the age difference is also minimal, only in third world countries where child marriage is allowed there is a large age difference between couples. That means that the vast majority of women date within their same age range, and on average, men aren't successful with much younger women. Less than 7% of marriage have an age gap of more than 9 years, which means big age gaps are very uncommon. + +2. [[THE GREATER THE AGE DIFFERENCE, THE GREATER THE RISK ](https://gitnux.org/age-difference-between-couples-statistics/#:~:text=The%20average%20age%20difference%20between,with%20the%20man%20being%20older.)] +-""The optimal age difference for a lasting marriage is one year, with a divorce rate of 3%, while the rate jumps to 18% when there’s a five-year age gap"". +-According to a study, age difference of at least ten years increases the odds of marital instability by 39%. +-The divorce rate for a couple with a 20-year age gap is as high as 95%. +The Red Pill cares a lot about divorce statistics when it comes to the number of sexual partners a woman has, but they don't care about divorce statistics when it comes to large age differences. Quite hypocritical if you ask me. + +3.""According to the United States Census Bureau, in 2022, the median age for marriage was approximately 30.5 years old for men and 28.6 years old for women"" + This means that most women between 18-25 aren't interesed in marriage, neither in starting a family at that age. + +4. [Couples who get married before the age of 25 are statistically more likely to have their marriages end in divorce. ](https://www.rechlaw.com/blog/2022/november/are-young-couples-more-likely-to-get-divorced-/#:~:text=If%20a%20couple%20gets%20married%20when%20they're%2020%20to,10%20percent%20risk%20of%20divorce.) + +""According to the statistics, if a couple gets married when they’re teenagers, they have a 38 percent risk of divorce. If a couple gets married when they’re 20 to 24, they have a 27 percent risk of divorce. By comparison, couples who get married when they’re 25 to 29 years old have a 14 percent risk of divorce, and couples who marry when they’re 30 to 34 years old only have a 10 percent risk of divorce"" + +""Greco and Wolfinger believe that the reason for the increased likelihood of divorce for younger couples is that people are still growing and figuring out who they are until their mid to late 20s. The human brain doesn’t fully develop until a person reaches their mid-20s"" + +This means that women who marry before the age of 25 have a much higher probability of divorcing than those who do so between 30-34 years old. Therefore it is not very good advice to tell women that they should marry between 18-25. +Of course the Red Pill doesn't care about these statistics because they don't benefit their philosophy. + +So knowing these statistics and data, what is the probability that a man over 35 years old can get a girl between 18 and 25 years old who does not care about the age difference, wants to get married and have children already at that age and that marriage doesn't end in divorce? +I'm not saying that it can't happen, just that the probability is very low, and advice should be based on probabilities, not possibilities. + +What is your opinion?",,13,No_Leopard_6074,1705790583.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bhstj,Which do you feel a woman values more?,"Here is a question mainly targeted towards men, however women can answer as well, it's open. + +Most guys seem to pull validation from a girl who sees them as attractive enough to hook up with, without having to commit their life to them. I think some guys feel insecure and want to believe they are attractive (it's okay to be insecure but it's not okay to let it affect your personal life and decisions) + +However girls see the guy they are willing to settle down with, and not hook up with just for casual sex as valued more because she's willing to build a life with them. + +So + +Guy 1, she is willing to be a fwb with him for a while, but won't date him, or have any kids with him. + +Guy 2, she won't have casual sex with him, but will be in a long term relationship, have kids with him (if the couple even wants kids) etc etc + +Which guy do you think she values more? + +Also before the incels, white knights, and or radical women comment I'll go a head and get a few things out the way. + +One, I know there are sometimes in-between situations, and everyone is different. A girl might end up hooking up with a guy, having a kid by him, then get in a long term relationship with another guy and not want anymore kids. + +Two, I'm not saying women don't have any value in a relationship outside of sex, and or the potential of children, this is just a very simplified question, and any assumptions you place on it really says more about you and your world views than mine. + +Three, clarifying again, this is a very simple situation, and ofc doesn't cover everyone wants and needs. Some people might prefer to never settle down. Some people might prefer to never have hook ups. Some do both, or neither yadayadayada",,16,LastBlackSamurai99,1705774098.0 +PurplePillDebate,19boobt,"Women, what do you think is your responsibility in a relationship?","The situation is **you're with a man you really want to keep**. We are talking about things **you're** responsible for. This means you can't say stuff like - ""It's my responsibility to hold *him* accountable to *his* responsibilities."" That doesn't qualify. + +What are things that you think are absolute foundations for keeping it together with your man, or any man you want to keep? These are things that you know you have to do based on what you think he wants. + +They could be small things, emotional things, ways of doing things, big things. What do men like and what do you think men like when you're with them? What is on you to give to your man in a relationship? + +What is it that you think men want from **you** in order to continue enjoying life with **you** to the point where they want to keep **you** around?",,6,Da_Famous_Anus,1705792130.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bb9n2,"What are your ""sexual standards"" for a man?","Most women have a general set of standards for what they want in a man. Like the way he looks, Income, height, charisma, race, humor etc. + +Let's dive more into the details, though. Assuming you're not asexual, you're going to have sex at some point with this man. But you find out he's not exactly the type of guy you want when it comes to that part. So what I'm asking is, what are your standards for that? + +Examples are: +Low libido/high libido? +Sex frequency? +Penis size? +How long should he last? +Dominant, switch or submissive? +Dirty talk? +and so on... whatever comes to your mind.",,24,-snickerss-,1705755662.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bumcj,Is Argentina's President Javier Milei Red-pilled without coming out and directly saying it?,"He has never used the term to my knowledge and many of the viral clips of him are attacking leftist's and their institutions. However, I have seen him call out government programs, spending, etc, that are supported by feminists. + +He recently gave a speech at the WEF - [https://youtu.be/IaP33mtac2k](https://youtu.be/IaP33mtac2k) + +He was mainly focused on attacking Communism, Leftism, Socialism, and Neoclassical Economics in this speech. However, many of the things he says seems to apply to modern-day feminism. For instance, their use of the government to enforce their ideology by using the monopoly of state violence; to not be intimated by the current political class (I would say is now mostly feminist, if only giving lip service, at least in the west); how you should not be afraid of ambition and never apologize for it, even if feminists would often tell you otherwise and how bad it is for women ([https://www.smartbrief.com/original/double-edged-workplace-ambition-good-men-bad-women](https://www.smartbrief.com/original/double-edged-workplace-ambition-good-men-bad-women)); that the state is the problem itself, yet this current man hating feminism would likely not exist without the threat of the state. + +However his most important quote in this speech I provide as evidence for my theory is this: ""given the dismal failure of collectivist models and the undeniable advances in the Free World, socialists were forced to chase their agenda. They left behind the class struggle based on the economic system and replaced this with other supposed social conflicts which are just as harmful to life as a community and to economic growth, the first of these new battles was the ridiculous and unnatural fight between man and woman."" + +Two points: I understand some feminist say feminism is not collectivist, but I would disagree given how they have separated from Terfs, and how they are treated by other women. So I don't think that argument flies, at least not with all (or probably most) feminists, even if it does make them hypocrites. + +Second, I think the current wave of feminism is the direct cause of the red pill movement and one of the major causes of the current unnatural fight between man and woman, as Milei put it. Whether women were co-opted by socialists, or they naturally got in bed with them, I think no one can deny the feminism of today is not the same one my parents or their parents grew up with, and is far more man hating then any previous instance (at least openly and celebrated). + +Do you think his speech was pro red pill? Why or why not? Is there anything you agree with or disagree with that he said? + +&#x200B;",,0,pinner52,1705809967.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bfdjv,Artificial womb in the next decades,"Hellio. How do you believe the introduction of artificial insemination for men with the AW by 2040 will impact society and how raising a kid is regarded. + +Fathers will likely raise kids by themselves with women in the family appearing in the proces. + +While it will not be necessary to dating and wasting money on apps. + +How do you see this development which will also override feminism and nuclear families.",,5,nlignmn1847,1705767700.0 +PurplePillDebate,19auhn9,The DHS paid almost 700k to a counter-terrorism NGO to intercept and divert Twitter traffic away from people in the “manosphere” and those who take issue with promiscuity. Do you agree with these actions and the funding of this report?,"There are several Americans and others listed in the report. However, specifically on page 46 it says the authors of the report are investigating videos from the “whatever podcast mocking the ‘body count’- that is, the number of sexual partners someone has had”? + +The report can no longer be accessed on the main website, as it now been changed to require a request for access. + +Report website: https://www.divertinghate.org/post/misogynistic-extremism-the-manosphere-and-mainstream-social-media-september-2023#:\~:text=Diverting%20Hate%20Bi%2DAnnual%20Report,media's%20role%20in%20spreading%20hate. + +But it can still be found on scribd thanks to someone who uploaded it: https://www.scribd.com/document/691671399/Diverting-Hate-Bi-Annual-Report-September-2023 + +Clips of the Whatever podcast/others taking issue with this report and the government actions can be found here: https://youtu.be/fCmg8W5trn8 + +Do you think this is something the government should be concerned about? How does this report make you feel? Is the something that is dangerous or benign? Why or why not? + +Edit",,82,pinner52,1705700196.0 +PurplePillDebate,19b104h,Do women want their partner to say yes to their wants?,I feel like every girl I’ve gone out with wants to experience new things multiple times a week and it’s like telling them we can’t go skydiving today because we went zip lining yesterday and I don’t have the money to do this multiple times a week.,,22,oddkidmatt,1705717608.0 +PurplePillDebate,19b5v6s,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,11,AutoModerator,1705734016.0 +PurplePillDebate,19b0cpw,Male charisma can be non-alpha and non-masculine,"Was reading a book on Charisma and relating it to my personal observations and experiences + +Basically, charisma can be broken down into three components - presence, power and warmth. + +Presence means paying attention to the current moment and being able to respond accordingly right on the spot, the opposite of being on auto-pilot + +Power means the ability to influence the world around us - through intelligence, persuasion, physical brute force, etc + +Warmth tells us whether or not people will want to use whatever power they have in our favor. Being seen as warm means being perceived as any of the following: benevolent, altruistic, caring, or willing to impact our world in a positive way. + +None of this implies that as a male, you have to be traditionally masculine to demonstrate these things. + +For example to demonstrate power trait, a man may be relatively short and not muscular to physically overpower other men. + +But he can demonstrate the ability to lead social conversations to influence the group he is in. I remember watching a really short dating coach explaining how to handle other men trying to snatch your girlfriend in front of you in a club setting. + +He wasn't resorting to hostile aggressive approach of threatening to beat other men. But rather diverting the men's attention by smooth talking them out of approaching his girlfriend. + +Other examples. There are male singers such as Cigarettes After Sex and Rhye who legit sound like a sultry woman. But people celebrate their music because they provide positive sentimental qualities. + +I guess what I'm trying to get at is a middle ground between red pill alpha theory and exredpill be yourself theory. a male has to put in an effort to work on his charm. But the charming qualities do not have to be about conforming to hypermasculine gender expectation of being excessively muscular, having really deep voice, etc..",,18,CaseOfInsanity,1705715670.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bolq4,"Men don't take responsibility either, and often bludgeon ourselves with our own wall.","[Repost due to mis-flair] + +I'm not trying to lay blame for everything here, and I thank my lucky scro that I went to highschool in a previous era. I look back at pictures of that time and see huge groups of young ladies and men who were thrilled to see each other and have a good time. It was us against the older generations, not us against each other. + +Still, so many men flagellate themselves, basically yanking their own wall toward themselves. How many men do you all know, of all adult ages, whose lives revolve around watching sports, playing videogames, and inhaling shitty food? + +Yes, the dating game sucks right now and politics made it suck so much more than it needs to. But how many of those lonely guys could start pulling women if they spent even a third of the time they do playing COD exercising, learning to play an instrument, cooking nutritious food, etc.? + +I know that a lot of this is dealing with mental health issues, but there really isn't much to stop lots of young men from exchanging at least some portion of time watching sports and playing video games for anything that's even a bit more rewarding in the long term. It doesn't take that long to learn to play an instrument at a reasonable level, and women give that shit way too much credit. If you can even kind of play a guitar, and you aren't completely hideous, you will get opportunities to talk to women. + +Young men have gotten the shaft, but they also have a tendency to shaft themselves on the very basics of diet, physical activity, and basic self-advancement. If a man spends 4 hours a day playing video games and can't be assed to so much as listen to an audiobook while he's doing it, it ain't the legitimately absurd standards of the day keeping him out of the game. + +And as a guy who is a little older, let me tell you, every sin of your twenties comes back to bite you three fold over the following decades. It's way harder to push that wall back once a man has already laid it on himself.",,0,8m3gm60,1705791935.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bbyp4,"Many women enjoy some BDSM kink in the bedroom, what caused your interest?","No, I’m not fapping. + +At some point, for those that partake, you found yourself j treated in bed room activities of the BdSM variety. It could be as simple as light choking to full contact anime jello struggling. + +Why do you like what you like? It’s beyond just an orgasm, what is it you like about choking or jello of being tied up with tentacles, whatever. What is it about the kink that does it for you?",,0,Geselshaft,1705757910.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bjdib,How does hypergamy explain things like gangbang fantasy?,"Let's say woman is in the room with bunch of guys with opportunity to choose to fuck someone, hypergamy would say that women will look for the best male (which I agree with). + +But when females are honest about their fantasies, and if you look at statistics, bunch of women are turned on by idea of gangbangs, threesomes and double penetrations. How does hypergamy explain women wanting lots of men instead of the best one?",,0,Unhappy-Fly4791,1705778142.0 +PurplePillDebate,19bd5fi,How can LTRs last when modern men discard women who reach thirty or forty?,I'm trying to understand the fetish behind young women and how men expect to manage a LTR if you consider thirty or forty too old. Are you just gonna ditch the relationship as she ages?,,0,aleexownz,1705761570.0 +PurplePillDebate,19absxd,What made you willing to hook up?,"For ladies who've had casual sex, what exactly was the thing that sealed the deal that made you go through with it? + +What about the guy made you choose him? + +Where were you in life currently? + +Did you regret it, or do you look back on it fondly?",,23,LastBlackSamurai99,1705642754.0 +PurplePillDebate,19ahh8a,How important Is losing virginity for women now?,"Imho a lot of people think that women Will Always Remember that moments while actually a lot of them Just move on After losing virginity, they arent attached at all to that man. Most of the times they lose their virginity in Ltr with non Chads they can control/would not be emotionally invested.",,7,Sitchnatio,1705665498.0 +PurplePillDebate,199xbax,Women are afforded a lot more leeway in what they can get away with,"This applies to things as small as being rude, to things as serious as sexual assault. If you want an example you need to look no further than the platform we are all on right now. If you look at their content policy you will see that in the very first rule they state that only ""vulnerable"" groups are protected. A Reddit Admin has even clarified that [you have to make your own sub](https://imgur.com/nZ1G9fJ) if you want the same basic protection afforded to everyone else. + +When it comes to more serious examples you just need to look at how the news reports female predators. I'm sure we have all seen the typical headlines of female teachers that ""had sex"" with one of her students (we all know the headline would use a certain other word if the genders were flipped). There was also a recent example of a woman who was [arrested for diddling herself on the beach](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJzeEGAi3_4) (she was reported by a family with kids) and was later found to have taken her own life. If you look at the comment section you can see all sorts of ""poor her"" reactions, but something tells me it would not be the same if it was a man who got caught whacking one out in front of children.",,144,Many_Dragonfly4154,1705603354.0 +PurplePillDebate,19a9n5j,How do you explain the phenomenon of ‘high quality’ falling for absolute dregs?," +Inspiration for this post: a very attractive, intelligent and ambitious mutual friend is now dating an older, pudgy, fairly unattractive single dad who seems like a scumbag going by the frequent obnoxious often racist shit he posts on social media which I know doesn’t even align with her views. + +Its not the first time I’ve witnessed such a thing - my friends sexy ex roommate studying medicine and dating a scruffy unemployed pothead who had already cheated on her comes to mind - another case where a mutual friend defended the guy abusing and stealing money from her - and the shit breaks my brain. + +I know we all perceive peoples value differently but you can’t help but in some of these cases you can’t hear but wonder what the fuck they are actually thinking. + +Sometimes the guys women go for are arrogant assholes but you can acknowledge that they’re otherwise good looking successful or charismatic.. but sometimes it’s a complete mystery since these seem like gutter balls from every angle and aren’t even nice people. If you held a gun to my head I would struggle to think of a genuine compliment for them. + +I know this seems a bit mean spirited and envious but seriously It’s whack in a world where higher value men I know that are good looking kind hearted and socially intelligent are being frequently rejected. + +So what’s the deal with highly desirable women with endless options going for dregs and oftentimes defending their disrespectful behaviour? In the age of dating abundance where they can have another better guy by the next day + +A lot of ‘high value ‘ men are beguiled by gold diggers and schemers but most will even admit that’s more of a physical allure whereas in the case of women to men it seems less physical and they genuinely think of these guys as being high value + +Surely It can’t merely be a case of acting confident - if that’s all it took to win ladies hearts then there wouldn’t be a need for dating apps and dating coaches and shit + +And there’s no way these guys are masterful manipulators, some of them aren’t nearly smart or strategic enough. + +They aren’t all ‘dark triad’ guys either some are just lazy selfish ambitionless and boring. + +What do you think is going on? + +Edit + +I guess low self esteem would explain it, I know some people who seem to have it all but still suffer from it. Although I still find it wild how such women will still refuse to even entertain the interest from most guys who are if anything better than the ones they end up falling for. Maybe they feel on some level that they don’t deserve someone better or want to be with someone who they believe will never cheat on them. ",,20,StaticNocturne,1705635708.0 +PurplePillDebate,19ac60o,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,1705644024.0 +PurplePillDebate,199zxk8,"Blue pill: ""We are equal"", Red pill: ""We are different"", Purple pill: ""We are different, but we have to treat each other equally at least some of the time""","(restating the title for better formatting) + +- Blue pill: ""We are equal"" +- Red pill: ""We are different"" +- Purple pill: ""We are different, but we have to treat each other equally at least some of the time"" + +All ""pills"" are about human nature and human psychology. The _first_ aspect of getting ""pilled"" is to realize something about human nature is not as popularly assumed (even when science affirms the lesser known aspect of it). The _second_ aspect is figuring out what there is to do with this knowledge. + +I think the second aspect is where people get stuck. It's one thing to recognize a truth, but truth alone can't stick in the mind unless you can reduce the friction around believing something that your neighbors don't believe. Some do this with hatred. Some try to forget and revert to the blue pill. Some look for a way forward. This is what I want to talk about. + +What do you think is the way forward? What steps does the red pill community need to take to grow up and process to the second step (without depending on hatred or forgetting part of your own humanity, as many do)?",,32,coolnavigator,1705609758.0 +PurplePillDebate,199ljny,"""You have to work 10 times harder than your grandfathers for women 10 times worse.""","Does this statement hold true? I've seen this being thrown around whenever somebody wants to +summarize the current dating scene. + +I mean, if you look at it, dating apps overwhelm women with an abundance of options. Beauty standards for men have never been this high. Whereas for women, pointing out that she's obese is ""fat shaming"". +Do you think in 1900s your grandma cared if her husband was 6ft+ and had a six pack with a sharp jawline? I'm not saying you can't get into a relationship if you don't meet these standards, but it's no doubt that beauty standards for men these days have inflated. + +Back in the day marriage was more of a safety blanket to help women get by. So in a way, they had to be more loyal to their man.That's not to say your grandma hates your grandpa, but they learned to love each other. You see men these days saying they're glad that they found their wives prior to this mess of a dating scene.",,179,-snickerss-,1705567002.0 +PurplePillDebate,199q5fr,How true is the Madonna Whore complex for guys?,"Do most guys catergorize girls into wifey or hook up material?For instance if you see an extremely attractive girl do guys automatically assume she is a whore, while plaine Jane’s are catergorized into wifey material.How common is this perception and how you seen this complex occurring in real life?",,61,Spiritual-Fox-1330,1705584532.0 +PurplePillDebate,199zas5,"How bad Is not being able tò do masculine jobs when It comes to long term relationship? ( Like fixing, assemble things, Easy plumbing/maintenance, orientation without Google maps )","Imho It goes about women that dont see you as capable/confident and they dont perceive you as an alpha If you dont know how tò handle problems. +Calling a plumber isnt the same as doing the job by yourself with your hands, same applies for not being able tò orientate by yourself, She Will not believe in your capacity and thats bad. + +What do you think?",,15,Emotional-Tadpole-53,1705608206.0 +PurplePillDebate,199pyso,Men who constantly surround themselves with terrible women are typically simps.,"A guy actually did change my view on the things. I used to think guys kept chasing awful women. Then a guy here made me realize simps are attracting shallow nassicistic women with their groveling and thirstiness. Most women wouldn't want a man who is clingy, desperate, and over affectionate when they first meet, so the only ones left would be the ones who think they deserve to be worshipped. This also ties in with “Nice Guys Finist Last” where guys believing niceness is the same as passivity, desperation, clinginess, and codependency. Most women not only find this to be a turn off but also creepy. People who want equality don't want to be worshipped. + + +Somewhat real life example, I was dating this guy. Thing were going really well, but by date three, he got clingy. We literally just met on date one and he was gushing about how wonderful I am, how I'm the one, always saying he’s thinking of me and if I’m thinking of him, etc. So I told him to tone it down and that's the last I heard of him. I did remember he talked about how his girlfriend was a succubus from hell, so I was thinking she was one of those narcissists that took advantage of his clinginess. + + +Now I imagine someone will claim “society taught men to be simps because they pushed that Women Are Wonderful”. They coincidentally never noticed the Karen meme, the landwhale meme, Onlyfans Whore memes, or when women like Kathleen Kenndy, Amber Heard, Mindy Kahling, Coleen, and that bitchy Snow White actress get massively hated by the masses. Also, Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, even in children’s media is there evil women in it. Even in the Bible there were evil women, especially Delilah. It could be that these men only hang around narcissistic women, because those are the only women who are willing to put up with servile men and the only ones crazy enough to side with women that are publicly villified.",,46,LillthOfBabylon,1705583944.0 +PurplePillDebate,19b1dq7,Men and women are not equal and will never be equal,"Men and women being equal is the most problematic concept that has been allowed to permeate in society. + +Men and women are not physically equal, we dont think the same and we have different motivations. + +Men are also accepting of more pressure and responsibility than women and handle it better which makes men better leaders. + +On a sexual level women also want men that are better than them or superior than them in nearly everything. + +None of this can also fit with the nonsensical idea that men and women are ""equal"". It doesnt add up. + +The correct idea should be that men are above women.",,0,Tight-Breeder,1705718753.0 +PurplePillDebate,199ml1z,"How can men prevent sexless, transactional or “bait & switch” marriages or long term relationships?","I hear so many horror stories about men getting married or having children and his partner then never, rarely or occasionally having sex with him. + +How can men prevent something like this from happening?",,54,MasterofBoats,1705571529.0 +PurplePillDebate,199phcq,Did a (F) Coworker Confirm Major Parts of TRP Theory?,"Hey all, + +I had an interesting interaction last night that, even at the time, I found very fascinating based on how organic and natural it was, and how it seemed to confirm parts of TRP theory. + +But first, some background. As far as me goes, I'm left leaning politically and definitely do not subscribe to TRP. My only real point of contention with general left leaning ideology is that I do think that men in the West experience a great deal of life-altering sexism (although I also think that women certainly do as well). + +My workplace is in the aerospace industry and is thus male-dominated, probably 80-90% male. Yesterday, there was a happy hour type event at a local brewery and I found myself and a few others chatting with each other. One of us is a younger (early-mid 20s) lady and is pretty awesome, very good at her job, hard working, etc. If it's relevant, she is a white southern Christian, but no extreme or strange views as far as I'm aware, so I believe her views on flirting/etc are probably a good data point for general society. I am in my early 30s. + +We were talking about a buffoon we work with and she mentioned that he had flirted with her a few times creepily, but it wasn't a big deal. I asked what did she mean, because if someone is being unprofessional at work, then that is definitely a big deal. She said that he had complimented her hair and such, but when she shut him down by saying that she had a boyfriend, he didn't persist. Fair enough, he made a small advance, she expressed disinterest, it was over. However, she went on to say that that is not how you ought to flirt, nor compliment someone. + +Naturally, I asked how one ought to flirt or, separately, compliment someone without being creepy. To flirt without being creepy, according to her, it'd have to be something like her and a coworker chatting/working together and an innocent compliment (your hair looks good today, for example) coming up organically. For the record, I would never, ever in the workplace make such a compliment, and I regularly get feedback from men and women both that I'm really friendly and helpful, so it isn't like I'm just impossible to interact with in general lol. + +I then asked how one ought to flirt and potentially enter relationships at work, since she mentioned that she does not like dating apps and prefers to meet people organically. To flirt well and create a good romantic relationship at work, this is what she suggested. + +* Make friends at work +* Hang out, as friends, outside of work +* Escalate through flirting, etc +* Then, enter a relationship + +I immediately noticed that this has a few interesting results/problems. So number one, **the pipeline she's suggesting is months**, which is probably fine, if you're looking for a serious relationship, spending a few months courting someone is a fairly acceptable price of admission, since you won't be doing it numerous times in your life and as you get to know someone as friends, you may well stop pursuing them. However, it also puts **100% of the onus on men**, **permits women to be totally passive as they are pursued and thus pedestalized**, and it results in the few **women in a male-dominated workplace being treated really well by ""friendly"" men and then having their pick of the litter when it comes to actually being in a relationship**. This is as close to proof positive of what I'd generally call the more nonsensical parts of TRP theory, with **beta orbiters and male harems** and all that sort of thing. Separately, and perhaps less significantly, many women also (and very understandably!) complain about men who only make ""friends"" with them in order to hopefully date them, and when it becomes clear that no dating will occur, dropping them as ""friends."" + +**To push back against my interpretation, she never did mention gender once** when it comes to this dating schema, and yeah, some women will say that they sometimes are proactive with dating, and a few women actually do flirt/pursue men. Even so, I think I have a big problem with the pursuer-pursued dynamic... it's unbalanced and thus unfair. As well, even if the pipeline suggested is gender-neutral on its face, if in practice its implementation is that 90-95% of the time, men are the ones doing all the active and proactive work (which is damned sure going to be the case because that's how it is in almost all cases, especially in male majority environments), that's still unacceptable. + +Anyway, I found the conversation fascinating even as I was having it, and was careful to think things through. I recall the conversation taking a different turn shortly after this... I didn't want to cling to the issue let alone make it a gender issue, let alone bring up TRP or other strange philosophies. Even so, after turning it over in my head a few times, it really does seem to be a confirmation of the idea of women wanting several ""friends"" hanging around them as a pool of applicants that they can choose from.",,18,InterestingVariety35,1705582346.0 +PurplePillDebate,199dm23,Do most women really dislike being approached in general?,"Even by attractive guys with sharp social skills in causal environments? + +With the way some women carry on it certainly seems like it is sacrilege in any context. + +‘They’re at the library to read and study’ yeah fair enough + +‘They’re at the shops to go shopping’ I understand that but- + +‘They’re at the beach to relax’ ok but surely + +‘They’re at the bar to dance and hang out with friends not be approached by strangers’ seriously? + +‘They’re at a speed dating event to kill time not to entertain conversations with annoying guys’ + +I realise some guys are socially inept pushy creepy weirdos who can’t read social cues and just refuse to fuck off and I’ve seen women getting harassed and even had to intervene but surely being approached should - unless it’s done by the aforementioned type of guy - be felt as a compliment, even if she isn’t particularly attracted to him. + +After all cold approaching is how my grandparents and parents and aunt and uncle met - has it really become forbidden in the age of social media and greedy fucking dating apps? + +I’ve also had women advise me not to single out ladies to approach and to instead make friendly flirty conversation with everyone to see if they gravitate toward you. + +Cute idea but not feasible. + +I’m not going to make conversation with everyone let alone flirt. Nobody does. + +And why can’t I single someone out? + +They’re sexually attractive and that’s the reason I want to approach them, am I supposed to pretend that’s not the case? Am I supposed to ignore physical appearance completely? Do you treat a heavily tattooed biker the same as an old lady? + +Women respond differently toward men based on their physical attraction anyway, in fact it’s often the key difference between coming across as charming or annoying when approaching. Anyone who claims they don’t is a sanctimonious liar. + +I’m not sure why exactly cold approaching has become regarded as disrespectful or dehumanising but it’s ridiculous. It can be of course if the person doing the approaching is a disrespectful piece of shit and doesn’t read the room but usually it’s as simple as seeing someone attractive and wanting to see whether there’s mutual attraction especially as dating apps get shittier and greedier by the day. + +I’ve approached a bit and had a few dates that way, as well as a few polite rejections which I’ll bet left the women with boosted self esteem not feeling creeped out. + +And yeah the ideal way to meet people is organically through friends or school or sport or even work but this isn’t viable for everyone and it’s also a really inefficient way to go about it since there has been nobody I’ve been very attracted to in my last few jobs or sports teams nor mutual friend plus this can have unwanted repercussions if things go sour especially in the workplace. + +That’s my defense of approaching",,36,StaticNocturne,1705540551.0 +PurplePillDebate,199wdq4,"[nsfw][?] Women of PPD, what's your threshold for infidelity?","I looked up, and seems we haven't had a thread on this topic in a while. + +So, I looked into the rest of Reddit, and there's proper insanity going on, [see for yourselves if you want.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/350njg/serious_dear_reddit_what_counts_as_cheating_in_a/) People write stupid things, people upvote stupid things, then people mock these things and get upvoted themselves. After reading things like this, and having some exposure to women in real life, when I see things like ""[a man I know] cheated on [his SO]"", I understand that I have no way to assess the situation without asking to clarify (*""what parts of themselves have been in deliberate contact""*, etc.) + +Let me hear your thoughts, and let me start: + +I believe everything that you can do on camera as part of professional acting career in proper (non-pornographic) cinematography, is not an act of infidelity. And to this day I hope that the story of a guy's wife accusing him of cheating *because he bought a bicycle for his female ex-classmate's 6yo son* was made up for karma.",,0,abaxeron,1705601062.0 +PurplePillDebate,199htde,"If woman have the choice over abortion, should men have the choice over child support?","Before you go commenting please make sure you read all of what I have to say. + +Me and a few friends have been discussing this topic at length and we think it is time to bring this discussion to a broader audience to have some fresh perspectives thrown in. As things stand now (especially in the USA) the situation around marriage, children, men, woman and the family unit is decisive at best. Some of us talking have seen men getting screwed over by woman baby trapping them, only to turn around and demand child support without allowing the man to even see his own children. I would like to stress that not all woman are bad, or all men are bad. You can honestly take any group based on gender, location, religious believes or other topics and you will have good and bad apples amongst them. + +As it stands right now it seems the whole idea around abortion is that woman have the final and frankly only say over if an abortion goes ahead. It doesn't matter if the man wanted the child or not. It doesn't matter if the man was tricked into having a child or not. The only real say is from woman, under the pretense of my body my ruling. On one side of the coin I can get behind this (note I'm male and the friends of mine that are discussing this are both male and female), as the woman do have a point. They are the gender that hold a child in their bodies for 9 months and they are the gender that gives birth. On the other side of the coin woman can't really have children without men injecting sperm into them (yes I know clinically this can be done now, but we are talking about natural pregnancy here). It takes both men and woman to make a child, so why shouldn't a man have a say on if he wants a baby or not? + +There can be a good case to make on the whole premise of if a man didn't want a child he shouldn't have gotten the woman pregnant. This point can have many arguments like men shouldn't have sex if they don't want kids. Did the use of protection fail? did the woman lie about being on the pill? Did the woman lie about being infertile? Was it just a dumb mistake made by some inexperienced teenagers? And so on and so on. The main point of this is that it can be argued that woman have way to much of the decision making power when it comes to having/not having a child, and the men's only option is to sit back and deal with the choice the woman makes and pay up child support for the next 18 years with the sometimes added bonus of not being able to see said child. + +When you look at abortion through this kind of view point it brings up an interesting idea. If woman have all the power over abortion and weather a child comes into this world or not, shouldn't men have all the power over weather to offer child support? + +As far as child support goes it seems since men have been for most of human history the providers they should pay child support. But, in our modern times woman are working just as many hours as men and make their own money just like men. So if the woman makes the choice of having a child without a united agreement from the father, it could be argued that she should bare the finical cost herself? + +There are any more factors that could effect this argument, but I think the main point has been made. Without starting a flame war or just getting angry, what constructive points do you think for or against this argument? And can you offer anymore insight? My friends and I can't wait to see what Reddit says on this issue. ",,11,Loopy_Legend,1705553085.0 +PurplePillDebate,199bnlz,"In the current year, do you think men should pay for dates? Why or why not?","A man being expected to pay for a dates seems like women having their cake and eating it too. As a society, we're trying to move away from traditional gender norms, we're told that women are just capable of men, but for some reason, men still have to take on the traditional masculine role when it comes to paying dates? +If this was the 1950s when women didn't really work or have money, obviously the men should pay for the date. But in 2024, women work, have degrees, have their own money, a lot of them even outearn men, so why should a man pay for a woman's dinner if both of them are in the same situation financially? + +On the other hand, there are valid arguments for a man paying that don't have to do with traditional gender roles. Since a woman spent hours getting ready to look nice and did makeup, the least a man could do is pay for the meal. That's fair, but that's also implying that woman wear makeup for men, which goes against the narrative we've been told that ""women don't wear makeup or dress well for men, we do it for ourselves and other women."" I never asked you to spend an hour putting on makeup or doing your hair before you came, that's your own decision. + +There also other problems with the man paying that makes it bad for both the man and the woman. First of all, the man has no idea if the women is going to ghost him immediately after and was just using him for a free meal. A man who goes on many dates and none of them lead anywhere, you're basically wasting hundreds of dollars a month, and that simply isn't sustainable for most guys. ",,22,Glass_Bucket,1705535331.0 +PurplePillDebate,199isv5,Is it easier to maintain friendships with guys ?,"Title , + + +I’ve only ever had 1 close female friend. ( close enough to de-mask / treat her like a guy ) - she tried hooking me up with her older sister , would give me tons of advice // wing man me etc. we would barely message each other and only communicate via text to hangout. + +I’ve had around 15 very close guy friends - close enough to cry // talk about the big and deep. + + +I’ve had around 20-30 girl friends ( friends not dating ) that I’d consider “friends”. In the workplace we’d laugh and get along, if a mutual friend is hosting a party we’d talk there. But I feel like the moment we stopped working together , the friendship would be dust in the wind - as opposed to workplace male friendships. + + + I feel like I can not talk to guy in 5 years , ask for a beer and the response would be “what took you so long “ . If I did the same to any girl friend that I’d consider at a similar level of friendship , they’d leave me on read. + + +Can anyone explain this ? Is it easier to maintain friendships with guys ? + +Edit : the friendships with girl friends would also extend to going clubbing / concerts etc. ",,6,Grouchy_Cookie_7813,1705556335.0 +PurplePillDebate,199i3fi,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,5,AutoModerator,1705554012.0 +PurplePillDebate,198zfjz,"There is a correlation between women's gravitation towards Dark Triad personality traits, and their propensity for being victims","Honestly I'm kinda tired of the whole ""all men are r\*pists"" rhetoric that women spew nowadays. + +[Around half of women have a r\*pe fantasy](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18321031/) + +[Dark Triad personality traits are attractive to women](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886913012245) + +>In conclusion, the results of our study demonstrate that the Dark Triad male personality is attractive to women and this effect is not mediated by these men’s greater perceived Extraversion or Neuroticism. Further work in the sexual marketplace could usefully pursue interactions (statistical and social) between sellers (Dark Triad men) and buyers (women). + +It's 2024. You gotta be delusional to believe that women on average aren't leaning towards men who are more likely to SA them.",,74,SlowEffective8146,1705505985.0 +PurplePillDebate,198vu7m,"how is hookup culture accepted if you’re supposed to get to know women ""as people"" first?","on one hand approaching women for sex is seen as lewd and objectifying, people on reddit have a very uncharitable view of men who just want ""one thing"". They say men like this see women as potential hookup prospects instead of ""people"" to build deeper emotional connections with... + +on the other hand these same people fight against ""slutshaming"" women if they had a more promiscuous past. That there is nothing wrong with a woman having string free sex, because sex for the sake of it just feels good to our bodies... + +How do these people coincide these beliefs?",,41,HardTimes4Vampires,1705495887.0 +PurplePillDebate,199lla9,Clearing the Ground: Towards Definitions in Light of Evolution,"Broadly defined to include evolutionary biology, population genetics, genetic similarity and assortative mating, life history theory, demography, evolutionary psychology, and allied disciplines. + +**__Introduction__** + +This is an *initial contribution to further discussion* on a much needed topic: mutually accepted definitions of widely-used and divergently-denotated terminology. The next helpful step would be to draw up a list of common cognitive biases (all women are great, AxALT, black and white thinking) and thought terminating cliches used by both men and women sorted by gender. + +**__Tl;dr__** + +- Both sexes have evolved and maintain rational mating strategies that *just are*, not ""predatory"" or ""transactional"" or otherwise amenable to retrospective value judgement as so many posters assume. + +- The only argument contra is asserting our current physicosocial environment is so distant from the environment of evolutionary adaptation as to render meaningless one or both sexes' evolved strategies. The demographic transition points in this direction, as does differential dysgenic fertility, but the continuing fucking and further continuing birth of children provides a counterpoint. + +**__Clearing the Ground: AF/BB in Evolution and Economics__** + +1. Most here, even redpillers seem to misunderstand the cad/dad or ""Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks"" schematization. People seem to take it as the Alpha Fucks and the Beta pays for it. No. Beta Bucks isn't some inferior standard of leftover after the Alpha Fucks: AF/BB or cad/dad describe the two conditions in which woman will make themselves sexually available to men. ""Beta"" is still in the top 20%, whether one gets there either by raw animal attraction, or by status, dominance, and provisioning power. Viz., how many wealthy men ""slay"" without spending a nickel, let alone ""sugaring"", merely because they are wealthy and powerful on some small scale (anecdotally, being known to Google search AI and ChatGPT is sufficient). The Alpha stops Fucking as soon as his looks and virility run out, just like Stacy and the Wall, or the Beta stops fucking when his Bucks - status and power - run out. + +2. This does not work in the opposite direction and is inherently gendered because of the ""females are choosy maters"" dating back into our pescatary past, evolved from having to carry children; likewise with ""males display, females select"". All I have said follows from females being an economic (scarce) good in evolutionary terms and males being, frankly, disposable, as long as the set of good male genes from one population generation propagates to the next with some degree of amplification, which is achieved only by differential eugenic fertility, which means most men not having children, or being vastly outcompeted in number of children. + +**__TRP: In Light of Evolution, the Arc which all Truths Follow__** + +**Women:** + +- 3. Female sexuality is mostly transactional. By and large female sexuality and ""romance"" - relationships - are rational, even hard-nosed in self-interest, from economic and evolutionary points of view. The cad/dad paradigm, hypergamy, marrying up dominance hierarchies (including ""golddigging"" which isn't any more blameable than male ""fertilitydigging"" or what have you), all of the female dating behaviors blackpillers love to hate, are eminently rational if you shift your perspective from ""what is good for the many and the future"" to ""what is good for this specific woman right now""? + +- 4. Women *have to have evolved rational mating strategies* to have survived with the responsibility of carrying children as well. It's kind of like how tribalists get accused of dual morality, one for insiders and one for outsiders, but it's one coherent ethic: ""what is good for the tribe is good"". + +- 4.1. When women date younger men who aren't established yet they're taking a winger on the man being the type who is likely to be successful later. There are dysfunctional women who fuck dysfunctional trash repeatedly because trash is at the top of the dominance hierarchies they were enculturated into, whether machismo or gang-related or abusers. + +**Men:** + +- 5. Male sexuality is largely romantic (irrational, focused towards mate-guarding and peacocking) and demonstrates an external locus of control. It is inherently giving, not predatory, because males have evolved from our pre-primate ancestors to provision females in exchange for them carrying our children and us having reasonable certainty of paternity. At least getting three out of six. + +**Defining Success: Population Genetics** + +- 6. By definition if a man has three natural-born children, he's evolutionarily successful. There are more of him in the next generation (1.5) than there are in his generation (1). Population genetics complicates the picture but not enough to change the gist. Likewise, males *must have evolved a rational mating strategy* to be represented in the current gene pool. The only argument contra is to say our current environment is so far from the environment of evolutionary adaptation as to render meaningless one or both sexes' evolved strategies. The demographic transition points in this direction, as does differential dysgenic fertility, but the continuing fucking and further continuing birth of children provides a counterpoint. + +**Some Accusations...** + +- 7. The only way I see either sexuality as being predatory - let's focus on the male - is when the male chooses to chase women significantly younger or more fertile than you, and the accusation stems from a place of envy. The only other way I can see is to compare a male rapist to everyone else and make the argument from strength or, God forbid, the old feminist hack that all sex is exploitative and thus predatory because we live in an ostensible patriarchy. + +**...and Bad Faith Arguments to Dump** + +- 8. I can make the argument that female sexuality is economically predatory or parasitical, but I don't, because both males and females evolved the way they did and no amount of bitching about human nature is going to change it into a mass of androgynous, acultural, anethnic Fungible Human Material. + +__**Probably Provocative Preliminary Conclusions**__ + +It was the Renaissance through Georgian or early Second Elizabethan ideal of marriage and egalitarianism, reaching its apotheosis in the Married Women's Property Act of 1874, that is the historical aberration. Look at the rates of survival for patrician families in the Roman principate.",,0,ThickyJames,1705567195.0 +PurplePillDebate,199r25k,Does the female sex drive increase while in a relationship?,"I have a couple close female friends in my friend group, and we are all pretty open about our sex lives. When talking to them about sex, it's funny, because they almost reject every guy that approaches them. Then, when they are going through ovulation, they are more open to have random encounters with strangers. However, when they get into relationships, it seems like they want to have sex every day with their partner. + +For example, I was talking to my friend Katie and her boyfriend Dan. They've been dating for 3 months now. Dan told me that Katie is always on him about sex. Like, she always wants to have sex, and sometimes it gets annoying because he doesn't want to. He said he thought he had a big sex drive, but Katie's sex drive beats his. + +The funny thin is, as I mentioned above, Katie would reject so many guys and would only have sex with someone during ovulation and she would always complain all men wanted from her was to have sex with her. So it was interesting to hear that she wanted to have so much sex with him. + +So... the question... Does the female sex drive increase while in a relationship?",,0,Fluffy_Holiday6063,1705587214.0 +PurplePillDebate,1993bz4,Would you leave a man you love if he refused to marry you?,Marriage can be risky for men. So suppose you are in relationship with a man you love and he loves you. Would you leave him if he refuse to marry you citing that marriage is not in his best interest. Would you stay as his forever girlfriend?,,7,[deleted],1705515081.0 +PurplePillDebate,198trn6,Is personality more important to men or women?,"I’m a man and from what I’ve seen over the years it is far easier for a uglier man to pull an attractive woman than it is for a ugly woman to attract a attractive man. I’ve met many women I’m not attracted to with great personalities and it doesn’t matter how attractive their personality is, they will never be more than a friend to me. This also could come from the fear of the opinions of other men which women seem to not care about very much when it come to their female friends. On the other hand I knew men that had women so out of their league and the men were the ones to end the relationship. I feel like generally if you have a attractive personality to a woman and can make her laugh you can or at least have a good chance at pulling her despite your looks. So my take is personality is more important to women and physical attractiveness is more important to men. Though of course both is important for men and women.",,15,SkyAggressive5490,1705488322.0 +PurplePillDebate,199c1f9,"Do you think women, on average, would be more attracted to Patrick Swayze's character in ""Dirty Dancing"" or Patrick Swayze's character in ""Roadhouse?""","I think this is a useful comparison since we can eliminate quibbling over which one is hotter. We have Johnny: + +* Low-income + +* Low-status + +* Low-class + +* Has a traditionally feminine hobby and job + +Versus Dalton: + +* High-income (drives a Mercedes, gets paid a $5,000 signing bonus plus $500 a night, or $125k annually; $335,000 in 2024 dollars) + +* High-status (people across seek his services and know of him across the country) + +* Has an ultra-masculine job and is literally paid to be a protector + +* Stoic and emotionless + +Given this information and red pill beliefs about what women want, which Swayze character do you believe women would be more attracted to?",,1,Soloandthewookiee,1705536298.0 +PurplePillDebate,198r0z7,Modern dating strategy: Dating multiple people before being exclusive - Are males against this?,"I wanted to discuss this with my fellow purple pill redditors. I'll keep this short; + +It seems that modern the modern dating strategy of dating multiple people before being exclusive is becoming more and more common. + +However, from a male perspective - are males and even red pill males ok with females engaging in this strategy? + +So for example, - Suppose you are dating a girl, courting her, you've been on two dates with her and getting to know her. During this time she is dating AND SLEEPING with other men but not with you yet + +If you knew about this - would you be perfectly ok with it because you guys aren't ""exclusive"" yet. So essentially the female could of slept with a man a day before you are taking her out for dinner? + +It seems women are a lot less sensitive about this but men are? + +Discuss",,19,ShelterNo2786,1705476705.0 +PurplePillDebate,198o4ym,Does vulnerability and open communication tend to kill some sexual tension early in the dating process?,"I would assume every lady would ultimately want to date a guy she can confide in with her darkest secrets just as guys want the same with women ( and it blows my mind how many long term relationships involve such poor communication and inauthenticity ) + +However I can’t help but notice that when women confide in my and raise deep and vulnerable topics, something else is lost - the sexual undertones - as it begins to feel more like we’re close friends than potential lovers. This isn’t always the case - I once went from talking about childhood abuse to having sex with them a few minutes later ( sounds a bit wrong when I put it that way ) but just overall. + +Also when women begin to talk about past relationships or other guys who are trying to talk to pursue them etc I’m never quite sure if they’re trying to provoke envy or test how I react, or if they see me as a gay best friend or if they just trust me enough to be open but still see me as a potential partner. + +I like deep and vulnerable conversation and superficial shit - even flirting - bores me, so I gravitate toward the deep end, however I’ve been actively trying to avoid it lately for the above reasons. And what topics do you try to avoid (or focus on)? + +Am I overthinking this shit or have you noticed the same thing ? + +And assuming that it does what should a guy do besides trying to constantly steer the conversation away from anything with depth toward light banter and flirting until you’re actually dating? + +Also why the fuck does it kill the sexual tension.. shouldn’t connecting emotionally increase sexual desire for someone ?",,24,StaticNocturne,1705466514.0 +PurplePillDebate,199ly3z,If men don’t pay for dates are they willing to change their preferences for the sake of equality?,"I have been seeing a lot of posts regarding men not wanting to pay for dates, after consideration I think there are certain conditions that would need to change. If women are expected to pay to compete for your attention but you not theirs, that is not equality. + +1) Men have an undeniable preference for women who wear make up. Curling my hair is cheap, make up is not ($100 a month), and the prices are raising. Even men who say they don’t like make up they unknowingly praise us for wearing it contributing to our usage of it. Men need to have a *genuine* preference for women who don’t wear make up. If I chose not to wear it my value on the sexual marketplace is lessened and thus it’s a cost I have to pay to compete. Like men might have to pay a cost to compete such as paying for dates. + +2) Another costly preference: women on birth control. With health insurance the pills are technically cheaper, but with the monthly cost of the insurance it is cheaper for me to get them at planned parenthood for $500 for 1.5 years supply. You have to be willing to wear condoms every time with everyone and come prepared. + +3) Skincare is also expensive but it seems to be important to men on the PPD that women maintain a youthful appearance. My routine is roughly $69-$79 monthly. + +4) Woman are not penalized (being considered undatable, useless or difficult) for taking on a more masculine role to survive. Assertiveness isn’t seen as difficult it’s a tactic that has served us by lessening getting taken advantage of. I can be a respectful person and assertive those things can co-exist. Stop encouraging women to be nice and pleasant all the time. This doesn’t have a financial cost but I keep seeing a preference for “feminine” women but under an equal system that can’t work. + +If men don’t want to pay for dates then that is their decision but there is cost to women competing for your attention should you not accept cost to compete for theirs? That seems like equality to me, unless men are willing to compromise on women’s make up usage, maintaining a youthful appearance, being proactive about wearing condoms (coming prepared and not having to be told) and not preferring women who are doormats. + +Edit: thread where I get called a fat, skank & whore for having an opinion by misogynists. And even straight up told I’m incapable of having an objective opinion because “women are too emotional too. How do you not see how you look? Really hope yall can find a way to have some control over your lives without hurling unprompted insults at randoms online. Thanks to everyone (most of you who actually responded in good faith). ",,0,Planthoe30,1705568734.0 +PurplePillDebate,198oymx,"""conditional femininity"" vs ""conditional masculinity"""," +Conditional femininity: + +*""I'm really a soft, nurturing and submissive woman... for the right man. But he first needs to create that safe space where I can let my guard down and rest in my feminine energy. Prove that he is worthy first.""* + +Conditional masculinity: + +*""I'm really an assertive, capable, leader who can protect and provide... for the right woman. But she needs to first create a safe space where I can rest in my masculine energy. Prove that she is worthy first.""* + +Do you feel these two justifications are equally valid? + +Are these good strategies in general when approaching relationships?",,10,Windmill_flowers,1705469255.0 +PurplePillDebate,1984eky,Why do women here consistently portray men's dating preferences as malicious and their own as benign?,"For instance, in [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/197jop4/current_dating_attitudes/?sort=top) women are overwhelmingly defending other women that expect men to pay for dating expenses, describing it as a mere ""preference"", despite the fact that it is the textbook example of an unequal burden in a relationship. + +But at the same time women here regularly criticize men for expecting comparable unequal burdens, like expecting women to do the majority of housework for instance.",,153,AI_CODE_MONKEY,1705416054.0 +PurplePillDebate,199j2fp,"Falling fertility rates seem to be a problem of falling marriage rates, which in turn seem to be due to lessening of the gap between male and female privilege. Hence it might be impossible to raise fertility rates unless egalitarianism is challenged.","Recently came across an article that compiled some data in this regard. (Not sure I'm allowed to link them here, I'll do so in the comments). This essentially might happen by itself via societal collapse, or via voluntary effort. One more solution that could be proposed is for women to try and control their 'hypergamy', and teach them to be okay marrying those inferior in status to them, and the same time, teach men not to be insecure about it and not let the resentment cause issues in the relationship, however, this is much easier said than done. The article also discussed more 'left leaning' proposed solutions to this problem of falling births, but none seem to be very effective. What do you guys think? Any alternate perspectives?",,0,Apex__Predator__,1705557271.0 +PurplePillDebate,198n5dz,The Fallacious Connection Between Male Insecurity and Female Breadwinners,"Whenever the topic of women being the breadwinners in relationships come up, there are always a handful of women (#NotAllWomen) who make the claim, ""guys are uncomfortable dating women that make more than them!"" Some said they had real, lived experiences validating that opinion. I've read stories from women with ex-partners who wanted them (or their friends) to quit their jobs, forgo promotions, or got suddenly toxic/mean when they witnessed her get an award/praise for achieving something in their career. + +I'm assuming, for the purposes of this post and charitability, all these stories are 100% true and the woman bore *zero responsibility* for why the relationship ended. If you're a woman (or have a friend that went through this), ask yourself: + +Do you really think these same relationships would have worked with the same exact guy, but richer? + +Imagine an alternate universe where everything about the man in these stories is exactly the same, with only the ""income variable"" changed so he makes more than her. Are these hypothetical new relationships happy or stable? Or, with the benefit of hindsight, do you still see the same insecure man just finding other ways to put her/you down and feel powerful? + +If it's the latter, then you have to concede that it never had much to do with money, but a values mismatch, bad morals, mental issues, and/or insecurities that will exist **regardless** of any income disparity. A lot of these stories I've read have me questioning if the guy has some undiagnosed personality disorder or a psychopath. I'd have an easier time believing income disparity *to be a root cause* if the example behaviors women provided (cheating, being a general asshole, laziness, or just being a legit crazy person) weren't the same common justifications for ending relationships where the man was the primary breadwinner. + +If you really want to bite the bullet and say ""yes, these relationships would've succeeded had he made more money than me,"" well then you have low standards both for yourself and the men you would date. You would accept being with a man who potentially views you as an inferior and who could turn on you if you became more successful during the relationship. You're okay being with a man that has a ""fragile male ego"" as long as that ego is kept in check with him making more money. How is that **not** settling? Or maybe you just think *all men* will get insecure and it's something you have to tolerate? But then how do you rationalize existing female breadwinner relationships that are stable? + +It's not *that* women prefer men that make more than them, it's *how* some women are choosing to justify it. I don't have any problems with women who choose to date men richer than them. If you want kids someday, want to be a SAHM, and need a man who can provide during pregnancy and child rearing? OK, makes sense. You want to maintain a certain material standard of living because that's what you're used to? Great, do you. Dating men poorer than you gives you the ick and makes your vagina drier than the Sahara desert? Understandable, have a nice day. + +If you truly believe there exists some connection between male insecurity and female income, then what you are implying (be it intentionally or unintentionally) is a guy pulling $80,000 a year will be toxic and insecure to his partner making $120,000, but that exact same guy will be perfectly happy and stable with a partner making <$40,000. I'm sorry, but I don't buy it. Relationships are more complicated than that. You're not ""noticing a trend"" if you say you've experienced it, you're just admitting you have bad taste in men. ",,12,No_Mammoth8801,1705463421.0 +PurplePillDebate,198uxxt,"Work on yourself in your 20s, reap the rewards in your 30s","I'm living by this mantra for the last couple years and am on track to having a good career, am already pretty fit (although still some work to be done in that regard) so my SMV will probably be quite high once I'm 30. However, recently I started worrying that all my efforts might be wasted because of all the good women being gone at that age. + +&#x200B; + +Honestly, I'm not sure if I want to date 30 year olds because of their looks, and the ones that are not partnered up at that point are probably not that desirable anyways. My hope is that I will be able to land a 20-25 year old, however I think most women want a partner around their own age (at least on Tinder I'm mostly matching with women my age). Are here any success stories of men in their 30s landing women in their early-mid 20s? If yes, how did you do it?",,2,Frdxhds,1705492808.0 +PurplePillDebate,198ctzt,The fact that the rest of Reddit thinks PPD is “toxic” shows how messed up things are rn,"Ok this is a meta post and not sure if this is allowed. + +But I’ll address the obvious first: miserable people congregate on PPD. But miserable≠bad. And imo open communication about these subjects provides catharsis and I do genuinely believe some people’s perspectives have changed due to this sub. I think it’s easy to judge to sub based off of the sensational OPs but the comment section is what makes this sub great. + +What I like is that it’s very clear that when people pose as “normies” and yell platitudes denying problems discussed here are not taken seriously despite I see it happening IRL all the time. Even though “blue pilled” folks here are kinda like normies, even they here on this sub understand that they have to substantiate what they say and that anecdotes only go so far. + +I do see people being dismissive of good points here sometimes, but it is so less common than “mainstream Reddit” where there is usually no discussion but just brigading and downvote spamming.",,28,thisreallyisnotok,1705436556.0 +PurplePillDebate,198nc5b,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,4,AutoModerator,1705464008.0 +PurplePillDebate,1980ll8,Why do Red Pillers find it so hard to admit that men can be horrible people?,"I have made another post about how people bend over backwards to make excuses for women's questionable behaviors. However, I have noticed that TRPillers do the same thing. In TRP land all men are good and even when a man does something bad, they still find a way to blame women , gynocentrism etc. + +For example if a man cries about divorce r*pe or false accusations, they will immediately believe his sob story while they simultaneously doubt/question women's stories. + + Another example , is how Rollo Tomassi and other manospherians implied that Chris Watts killed his wife and kids because she cheated on him and was pregnant with another man's child. (later it was revealed that the opposite happened and he was the one who had an affair and killed his family to be with his mistress). You can dig up information on it if you Google Rollo Tomassi Chris Watts. Apparently, women cannot even get killed without being slandered by the manosphere. + +Yea women can be horrible harpies. But pretending that there are no millions of toxic , psychopathic, lying , abusive men is outright disingenuous.",,78,Novel-Tip-7570,1705403896.0 +PurplePillDebate,1981x8i,Why do men crave a stay at home wife so much?,"I mean, let's be realistic. The average man doesn't have the resources available to support this. + +Also, women have started to catch on to the fact that being a stay at home wife/mother can seriously hinder personal development if her significant other isn't wealthy enough to support further education/training to enter back into the workforce if she wishes. + +It's not a wise choice for women to have little to no income for herself either, as unexpected events may occur e.g, divorce, illness. + +One of my partner's work colleagues cheated on his girlfriend. We're fairly good friends and she expressed to me that she won't leave him, as she has been out of work for 6 years and doesn't have any work experience in a professional field. + +My partner is fairly wealthy and I haven't worked a 9-5 since we've been together. However I do freelance work every now and again to ensure I have income and adequate savings even though he covers almost every expense. + +I think craving a wife/girlfriend who doesn't work is an indication of controlling behaviour and I would advise against any woman entering in to this dynamic.",,35,Legal_Strawberry2,1705408566.0 +PurplePillDebate,198ki26,What does Red Pill mean?,"I made a comment recently about some science regarding mating behaviors and someone said it was a red pill comment. However, I find that I typically disagree strongly with RP proponents so i was surprised that someone saw my comment as RP. + +After this I went looking for a clear definition of RP and I haven't been able to find one. Most of them are vary vague, and say something along the lines of ""RP is understanding the world as it is"", or ""RP is about the biological differences between men and women's mating strategies"", etc. They rarely if ever make it clear what they think the science says, or what conclusions should be drawn from it. + +Even the Wiki for this sub defines it in vague terms: + +""RP is a praxeology (a way of understanding actions in the world) that deals with Sexual Strategy. ... this framework is in disagreement with the general understanding of society in these matters (hence, taking the red pill). +A core belief is that male and female nature in regards to sexuality differs substantially by sex, but that within each sex there is much broad commonality of behaviours and instincts. +RP tends to believe core behaviours and instincts are innate (often genetic) in each sex but these core instincts and behaviours are moderated by cultural circumstances."" + +I've spent years studying the science of evolution, mating, etc and what I've learned often goes against what I hear RP proponents say, so I'm curious, what are some concrete things that RP asserts about male and female mating strategies, and what conclusions does RP draw from there?",,0,mrbesito,1705455862.0 +PurplePillDebate,1986xhv,In what way would you like men to open up to you about their problems so you don't feel like their mom/therapist?,?,,11,nonplussedminus,1705422447.0 +PurplePillDebate,197z15v,Why confidence is a meme.,"Confidence is a projection of competence in a certain field. + +Not all skills are equally useful and attractive. + +For example, and I don't care about the destitutes on this website, the vast majority of women in real life absolutely do not care about your confidence in your knowledge of the Horus heresy. + +When women talk about confidence they are mostly referring to the ability to socially dominate and charm others, specifically other men. + +Since for men that would involve being better than the other men in your social circle at a worthwhile skill (ie, humour, popularity, etc) the vast majority of men will simply not be in a position to express confidence like the top people in their circle. And due to the short lifespan of most circles that form when you hit 18, most men will not even have the opportunity to improve their skills in a reasonable timeframe before that circle outright dissolves. + +Of course this all assumes a truthful expression of confidence, after all ""fake it till you make it"" is commonly thrown around to skirt the issues I mentioned above. + +However, I believe ""faking confidence"" is the biggest shitpost of all. + +Ignoring the fact that a huge portion of your personality is genetically determined, therefore ""making it"" is out of the question for a lot of people. + +Just consider the implications; + +Can I fake my assuredness in my Spanish fluency and not only get away it, but actually increase my competency in the process? No. + +Can I do the same in Maths, Fitness, and My Bachelor's exam? + +Also no, it would be stupid to think otherwise. If you try to fake your seduction skills and/or act out of your social hierarchy in your social circle without earning it you will simply come off as a poseur and lose even more respect in the process. + +Also, you can't fake charm, if you don't actually know how to charm a woman, you will get fucked the minute you need to put your fake skills to the test, cementing you as that autistic guy who thinks he's the shit in the eyes of your peers. + +Obligatory; + +""Self-improvement is masturbation"" + +- Tyler Durden, Fight Club. + +(I think this quote is true in some instances, like improving your personality). + +The only reasonable way to actually attract women in your social circle and beyond is to actually focus on acquiring status, money and good looks. That's literally how I got my girlfriend despite being the same person I was 3 years ago. + +The good ole TRP way.",,25,lolcope2,1705397801.0 +PurplePillDebate,1980pb0,Are Men and Women equally malicious?,"Would be curious to know what folks here think. + +I've been trying to understand the root difference between what I see on this website of how men and women are judged differently and so far this appears to be the thing. + +It seems we are very motivated to assign malice to the actions of men but really hesitant to assign it to the actions of women. + +I understand that women were assumed to be evil/malicious in a lot of stupid circumstances in the past but I would think that correcting that wouldn't result in people being more eager to do the same thing to men.",,16,Im_Unsure_For_Sure,1705404274.0 +PurplePillDebate,1983dso,How do you split the finances?,"For those in relationships, how do you guys split the finances? +I read many of those his money is hers and hers is hers type replies regarding money but how does it relate to real life? + +Its seems unfair if the net income is 6k a month (him 4, her 2) and costs per month are 4k to have him pay 100%, keep nothing while she keeps her 2k... + +We do a split based on income. I work fullltime, she works parttime, split is 60/40 while she does more in the household than me. + +We have a shared bank account for all costs including groceries and gas. Both have seperate accounts for personal stuff alongside a shared savings account. + +Works better than 1shared account imo since there is less questions about who spend what. + +I wonder whats common in other situations?",,7,RAZBUNARE761,1705413209.0 +PurplePillDebate,197o7xq,It is okay to quit dating but not okay to quit striving in life.," +If you lose at the game all the time then at some point you have to call it quits. There are always going to be winners and losers. I know, what a cliche. Everyone knows that but it never hits harder home when you are part of the group that is losing: a loser. It heartbreaking to see yourself applying the advice you hear being echoed only to fall face flat on the concrete floor that is human biology. The same few characteristics keep predicting success, confirming their existence while the naysayers spin different arguments to desperately hold the a “pretty” view of the world. Have you tried being more charismatic? Have you tried going to the gym? What about hobbies? How about getting more money? You try, get better, look better, advance your career….but nothing. Yet, the same characteristics keep predicting success and ever changing, every new rendition of the counter-arguments keep being disproven. Maybe, I am doing it wrong. But, my face and body says otherwise. They looks better, but clearly not better enough. My education and resume read better, but….maybe it could read even better. At what point do you throw in the towel? Is it this point? + +I know, I am not saying something new. This has been the experience of many. Not just in today’s time but likely all the way back to our species’s conception. However, I do wanna argue in a different direction from the common self-loathing, nihilistic, and resentful angle. I believe that problem is to find a game that is respected in your eyes and the eyes of the other. + +I find getting better for the sake of being better is enriching. Whereas as getting better for the sake of something other can open the doors for disappointment, envy, and resentment-especially when not getting what you want. + Now, getting better does help the vast majority of people. Which is awesome, I am happy that they have found love and success. But what about some of us who are left behind? Are we bound to the label of losers? Forever burden by it’s weight. Since, everyone plays this same game, including us, we share the same standard for giving and receiving respect. Obviously, those who fail to meet such standards fall short of that respect, including giving it to ourselves. What is respectable in our eyes and in the eyes of others? + +There is an implicit (or maybe explicit) premise in the rhetoric around dating. We operate on the basis of “getting better for dating”. If we unpack that premise, what we mean is “being impressive in the eyes of the potential mate in question”. What becomes relevant is what is impressive through the eyes of the other. Accepting such a premise we adopt their perspective. I am not tall enough? I am not confident, funny, physically attractive, high status and so on so forth enough. These types of thoughts are bound to plague us. However, what if we change it so we operate on the basis of “getting better because there is always a need for better men”. Why do I go to the gym? So, I have the strength to carry my dog home when he has injured his leg. Why do I wanna be more social competent? So, my jokes can bring momentary joy to my friends and family. Why should I build courage? So, I can have that tough talk when it needs to happen? So, when my friends, family-hell even a stranger, needs someone to listen, I can be there for them. I guess what I am saying is for those of us who dating have been painfully, we need new reasons for striving for growth. My proposal is that there is always a need for better men, and so there is always a need for you and me. People around us need us, our community around us needs us, and even strangers around us need us. We need ourselves to be better for us. That is the new game. And if some potential mate finds it impressive then that is incidentally outcome not the primary goal. + +This doesn’t only extend to men, obviously, but I think it’s more relevant to men. I also don’t know enough about what dating is like for a average to a less than average women so I can’t speak on that. + +I am sure some might say “what a cope”, and you would be right, but I feel coping is exactly what we need right now.",,43,Stupid4Knowledge,1705363105.0 +PurplePillDebate,197yqdv,How would you prefer a man express their interest in you?,"I'm asking about you and your own experiences and preferences. + +Obviously, there are some contexts where you would much prefer to be left alone, but, in general, are there any instances that stood out to you as how to and how *not* to show interest in a woman? + +Do you think there should be a difference in approach depending on the environment (club/bar vs. gym)? Many, if not most, would argue some places are a no-go, like work, for example. + +What are your thoughts, women of PPD?",,7,Qu3stion_R3ality1750,1705396563.0 +PurplePillDebate,197igxk,Why are we glorifying doing normal adult things,"I saw [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/s/a4dAeORE2W) question for women that made wonder something. + +What exactly in the video is so impressive? The guy cooks, cleans, works out, hangs with friends, etc. When did this become the gold standard of what a partner should do? + +Forgive me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this just called being an adult? I do all of that plus a hell of a lot more, and work a 40-hour a week job making a fantastic income. I never thought to myself “I deserve a gold star”. Isn’t that just being an adult?",,54,belachewhm,1705349361.0 +PurplePillDebate,197jop4,Current dating attitudes.,"I’m starting to get real confused by the modern dating scene. Just seen a video online from a bloke who calls himself “daddy academy” and he’s talking about how men should always pay for dates, and the entire comment thread is women agreeing saying stuff like “if he asks to split I respond with oh so you wanna be friends okay” or “no problem shame there won’t be a second date”. + +So I’m genuinely asking for the women, you want equality & to be treated like normal human beings then why is the attitude currently in the dating sphere that men have to pay for you time. + +Am I just being dumb considering I’ve not dated for better part of a year as I’ve been in therapy & doing some personal growth/healing. But I feel like we are taking a step backwards and there’s some huge double standards in that women want traditional men with those values, but on the flip side don’t want to be those traditional women.",,28,Mindless-Spare-2454,1705352182.0 +PurplePillDebate,197s69s,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,1705374010.0 +PurplePillDebate,197fmvq,California Online Dating Safety Act: Thoughts,"I see this promoted on “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook groups. I want to know what PPD thinks. + +The California Online Dating Safety Act is linked [here](https://valadao.house.gov/news/documentsingle.aspx?DocumentID=439) + +According to Facebook and the summary, the apps would require users to upload their ID on dating apps to prove their age, marital status, and name. The law also provides resources to dating app members who are a victim of a crime to report the crime to the proper authorities. The law doesn’t require criminal background checks due to how complicated background checks are, but it requires users to be notified if someone they’re messaging was banned from the app and why. + +It also sounds like married people who pretend to not be married on dating apps can get banned and people will be notified, but I am not sure. + +What do you guys think? + +Also, I am not a lawyer, so I don’t really know how to comb through a bill to determine the exact details.",,20,Economy-Shake-1448,1705342771.0 +PurplePillDebate,197iurx,"Are you more attracted to calm, easy going or energetic, vivid personalities?","Confidence is one of the most common things that women have persistently stated as most attractive in a man. While this could be true, like other qualities women find attractive in men, it is incredibly vague. Confidence could mean different things to different people, and could be interpreted in different ways. + +One person may be more attracted to guys who are mellow, soft-spoke, and easy going and perceive that as clear social confidence that they would be attracted to. Another person may find someone who is more excited and lively in showing a range of expressions while they are socializing. For the lack of the question, I want you to imagine certain factors are other equal such as appearance, things that are being said (at principle, not how its being carried out), lifestyle/income, morals, and context. + +While this is heavily based on how your personal experiences compare with what type of guys that you do see, I suspect that there is usually a preference for one or the other. While meeting a guy for the first few times, would you feel gravitate more to a guy who appears at ease and calm, or someone who provides a more high energy atmosphere? Does it vary depending on what you are looking for, or is it usually consistent?",,9,KentuckyCriedFlickin,1705350265.0 +PurplePillDebate,1978rsz,Serious question for the ladys: Do you find this kind of man attractiv?,"Video: https://youtube.com/shorts/1ytLDHjKLVg?si=KpyIEUpYr7j7CxTk + +I found this channel on YouTube and saw some clips because someone from the manosphere did a reaction about. The most male viewers wrote this man would lack masculinity, would be a cuck, she is cheating on him, etc.. Don't wanna insult him or other men like him, but would be curious what the women on this sub thinks about him and other men who are like him. +Do you think this kind of man have masculinity, are attractiv, etc.?",,24,Parking-Coast-1385,1705325435.0 +PurplePillDebate,196yvt2,"Seriously, how is the average joe supposed to be happy if he is never desired?","If this is CMV, mods please change, not showing up on mobile. + +Now for real, this is a short post, but how is an average guy supposed to actually play the dating game considering he will never be ""truly"" loved. + +All suggestions here seem to point out that in some shape or form, men have to pay women somehow, be it with commitment, provision, status, etc. + +The only way it doesn't happen, is in monogamous relationships, but this is far from ideal for most men, it is truly settling. + +The girls can weight in on this, but i can't understand how girls can find men hot or get the same level of lust that men express, i just don't get it at all. + +If you give me any average girl i can point out some or a few changes to make most guys find her hot. + +For men all i see being expressed is the very cream of the crop men used as example, as in you can't easily transform an average guy into a hot guy without MAJOR changes to the point it is barely recognizable. + +Are guys just this ugly by standard? + +If so, how the hell is a guy supposed to have a happy fullfilled life of his sexual life is in shambles. + +Not every man has a hobby he loves so much that he forgets he has hormones, how does this work?",,96,TurboBanned,1705289799.0 +PurplePillDebate,197rd9a,"CMV: Although it should remain legal, it is immoral for a woman to remain pregnant if the man doesn’t want the child.","The Biological Data Argument. A man may consent to sex with a woman but not consent to fathering a child. + +Let’s imagine a hypothetical where technology allows you to take two people’s saliva and create a child in an incubator. If a woman consents to kissing a man, is she implicitly consenting to that man swabbing his mouth afterwards for her saliva and using it to have a child? My moral initiation tells me no. + +So while a man may consent to sex, it does not mean he consents to his biological data (sperm) to be used in a way he does not consent to. Financial abortions are a moot point. It’s not about avoiding parental responsibility, it’s about his body’s data, which he owns. Although perhaps consensually given to her as a byproduct of sex, the woman has no moral right to use a man’s biological data to then have a child that he doesn’t consent to having. + +I’m stuck on this thought and am interested in seeing the other side of it.",,0,[deleted],1705371681.0 +PurplePillDebate,197qjrw,Is there any justification to the notion that men should be allowed to cheat?,"I read a lot of red pill content and watch red pill podcasts such as fresh n fit. Although I personally agree and open to some of the ideas, some of the other ideas I don't necessarily agree with. On the fresh n fit podcast for example- the host explains that men in a relationship or marriage should be able to exercise their options and cheat on their women but the women should not. This is due to biology as it's much easier for a man to separate sex from emotions. A man can have sex with a random women and still come home and love his wife. Also men are hard wired to ""spread their seed"" I completely understand the logic behind it and theory, but in practice it seems very toxic and not something that really works in practice. Maybe it does for top tier men, for example celebrities, sportstars, very wealthy men - where the partner(wife) will accept it's part of the deal, but not for the average guy or even a bit above average man. + +Would like to know your thoughts",,0,ShelterNo2786,1705369404.0 +PurplePillDebate,196y2u0,Why do women tend to get aggressive at divorce?,"Happily married for over 30 years but one of our friends separated. I asked my wife “what would you do if we divorced?” Her reply was “make you pay” she was serious. “I would take you to the cleaners” + +So, my question to women is this. Why do women feel so entitled that they think they deserve to have more than 50% of assets in a divorce when the marriage has been a partnership? Additionally why do women seek to put as much harm as they can on their former partner? + +(For the discussion, there’s no DV, no arguments, happy marriage, supportive husband who has supported his wife through 3 primary breast cancers and let her retire from working supporting her full time for over 10 years) + +My supplementary question is this: can women see a link between this attitude and harm to women post divorce?",,50,TomKikkert,1705287367.0 +PurplePillDebate,197d037,Have you ever dated a Jada?,"Pretty self explanatory. I feel like Will Smith slapped Chris Rock out of a moment of pure weakness that was brought on by Jadas scorn. If you rewatch the footage you’ll see Will took it as a joke, but then looked at Jada and saw how angry she was. She manipulated him with her gaze and he was weak enough to fall for it, and act on it in a stupid and rash way. + +Have you guys ever dated a Jada or been in a situation like it? I’ve had exes that act inflammatory/ manipulative on purpose just to get a rise out of me. For example, have you ever been with a girl and then yall are out in public at an eatery or something and she says “That guy over there keeps looking at me..” and you look over and guy looks like he’s minding his business. Nothing happens. You ignore it. Later on, she brings it up again and says something along the lines of “you’re weak. you didn’t even go tell that guy anything. do you even love me?” It’s the same type of woman that wants men to fight over her. + +So what’s been yalls experience? How do you handle these types of interactions? Have you ever folded and acted upon it and regretted it in hindsight? + +Also, to be clear, i’m not talking about defending your girl in actual uncomfortable or dangerous situations",,4,codeinecrim,1705336520.0 +PurplePillDebate,196wik3,What are some unique burdens that the opposite gender has?,"Men and women are fundamentally different. So what are some things that each gender bears the full brunt of? + +I’ll list a few. + +Women: + +1. Pregnancy and childbirth. This will never be equal. Men quite literally cannot give birth. They don’t have the right equipment. They cannot grow a baby inside them. The burden is 100% on women. + +2. Having a biological clock. Women cannot date like men. They need to be settled down or at least dating by 25-26 or they don’t have a shot at kids. + +3. Expectation of doing the small social stuff. This one seems silly but no one expects men to send thank you notes or attend 2000 baby showers with the accompanying gift. Women are expected to be social calendars and social hostesses of their marriages. + +Men: + +1. Finances. There is a crap ton more pressure on men to be financially healthy. Women are not faulted or considered failures if they don’t have money. Men are. There are no safety nets for them. + +2. Dealing with the “creep” accusations. Especially with feminists who perceive every word from a man as “creepy”, it seems stressful as a man to constantly walk on eggshells lest a woman take offense. + +3. No one really cares about your mental health or issues. Women are pretty horrid at emotional support for men. This isn’t on purpose. It’s mostly because of societal expectations that men have it together and act as leaders of the family. + +Enough from me. Let me know what you think.",,36,penndelnj,1705282737.0 +PurplePillDebate,197wqez,Do you lovely ladies think you'll be able to pull off a alpha fuxs/beta bucks strategy in a post red pill world?,"I think we can all agree that the Red Pill is mainstream now. At this point plenty of guys follow some kind of red pull influencers. Even if they don't watch red pill content themselves it still trickles down to them. + +One of the major reactions from men is a refusal to be a beta bucks. Surprisingly most women is see today seem to be trying to double down and push hypergamy to the limits. + +So my question to you lovely ladies (with everything you know from following this) is do you still think that you can pull off an alpha fuxs/ beta bucks strategy in a post red pill world? Even if you aren't directly planing an AF/BB do you think you'll be able to change your mind later on and get with a good man if things don't work out with the guys you really want?",,0,GhettoJamesBond,1705388487.0 +PurplePillDebate,196z3cz,What societal scenario would make redpilled men happy?,"I personally don't endorse RedPill but I have consumed it's content out of curiosity. I am asking this with the utmost respect possible to everyone who might think otherwise. From what I've consumed, these influencers tell other men to get in shape and get rich to get women. Appearance and wealth. Using their logic, women exclusively pay attention to a man if he's hot and rich. Simultaneously, they denigrate women who date men exclusively for their appearance and money. + +If you have ""cracked the code"" to what women supposedly want, and then women agree and materialize their narrative by having the standards you have set, isn't that a win for you? Isn't that the whole point of their movement? + +I don't see the logic in saying ""women want this"" and then certain women say ""yes"" and then being angry and bitter about it. + +Isn't this what you wanted? Is it logical to be this angry that some women cater to your narrative? + +(If you’re going to comment “who’s angry?”, don’t. It’s common knowledge that red pilled men online are extremely angry at women.)",,21,NonameNamelez,1705290462.0 +PurplePillDebate,197sun3,Who even are these “top percentile men” that are allegedly getting 80% of the dating results?,"As talk online and official studies have pointed out such as with dating apps, it is apparent that the majority of men are not seen as attractive and it is only the top 10-20% that are. If this is true, it feels really hard to objectively determine and quantify. What does top percentile even mean? Does this mean men who are at least 6 ft, good physique, perfect looking face and make a lot of money? If that is so then I don’t know what to say because I mean these types of guys with everything perfect hardly even exist. I even did a Tinder experiment in my area to view the men just because I was curious and I did not see any guys who seemed like supermodels or those guys people use for catfishing. Are the standards for being in the top percentile not as high as it seems? If it’s not, it still doesn’t make sense because I know good looking guys who don’t have a lot of luck with online dating. + +At this point nothing makes sense. Traditional rhetoric from the chronically online is that all the women are after Chad and he is coming for your girlfriend but how can this even be possible if there’s so few of them in the first place. However, taking the statistics, only 10-20% of men have success on dating apps and even good looking guys can struggle with dating which contradicts my observations. I also know average looking guys who have no problems getting into relationships or hookups and some even get results online. In conclusion, I’m confused who these top percentile men even are and what statistics are actually real or just mental masturbation.",,0,False_Moose_1427,1705376006.0 +PurplePillDebate,197l3ol,Would you still date women if you had an authentic bioengineered vagina and womb in your basement?,"So you'd be able to have sex and procreate at will without going out to ""hunt"" or worrying about rejection. + +We had artificial womb discussion come up recently, and I was wondering about this. + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B;",,0,whitegrayblack5,1705355485.0 +PurplePillDebate,196gigp,Why does it seem like progressiveness towards the gender roles only apply toward women?,"It seems there’s a lot of progressive attitudes towards the women gender roles but not for men. In terms of dating/marriage. For example a woman is no longer expected to stay in the kitchen, clean the house and raise the kids. Depending on the couple and their situation, the man and woman are both expected to help. However, when it comes to the man’s role, it’s different. For example, look at this vid. + +https://www.tiktok.com/@officialchristianwalk1r/video/7319931597040536875 + +Look at the likes, and comments. “Men want to be treated as women”. These are real ordinary people, and not “models”. It seems that wanting a woman that you’re dating to pay for your food, is such a “woman thing to do”. Why is this the attitude towards something so mundane? The other way around for these people there’d be no problem. I thought the whole idea of being more progressive was to ditch the old assigned gender roles, and treat whoever equally. + +It seems there’s a discrepancy or a lag between what is expected of a man vs a woman. Splitting 50/50 is seen as a red flag. Sending only 20 dollars to a girl for food is seen as broke man behavior. Not paying for her nails and hair is seen as you don’t care for her. Not opening door and being “chivalrous” is seen as not being a “real” man. By the way, in these scenarios they’re not even married. + +Now I don’t mind doing any of these things for a girl I like. But it seems that the prevailing attitude towards dating for men is “what can he do for me financially”. Of course finances are a big part of a relationship, but it seems like it’s number 1 on their list instead of liking the person for who they are. Not for what they have or can do for you. + +Thoughts?",,168,Nobodyherem8,1705240831.0 +PurplePillDebate,196tkgt,Men feel that women will not allow them to have preferences but where do they get this idea?,"It's been said on here before that women will not allow men to have preferences, whereas women are allowed to by society. + + +But I don't see men getting any judgment for having preferences, at least not judgement to the degree that matters.  For example, I have had a gf over a couple of years now, and we are both of average weight, and no one comes up to me and tells me I am being a sell out for not going for a woman that is morbidly obese, etc. +Nor is any guy getting canceled by cancel culture for not having an obese gf/wife. + + +So I wonder why some guys are under the impression that they're being harshly judged for having preferences, unless I am not seeing what is really going on?",,11,harmonica2,1705274647.0 +PurplePillDebate,197mioq,Why do single and childless men who complain they cannot get dates or relationships also complain about the big numbers of single moms and that they would never date a single mother?,"There are many single mothers nowadays and many of them want to have relationships but they complain thst most guys don't want to date single moms. + +Due to the law of supply and demand single moms are far less picky than childless and single women of the same age and attractiveness levels because of the stigma against dating single parents. + +The same guys who say that women are very picky and they cannot get sex nor dates are often the ones who say they would never have a relationship with a single mom. But a single mom is a woman like a childless/childfree one. I understand that her kids add struggles to the relationship but I just don't understand such stigma and prejudice.",,0,sabrynekrystal1992,1705358807.0 +PurplePillDebate,196pq6h,What do you being to the table,"I’ve seen this question asked to women online and when asked it’s usually asked in the most disingenuous way. + +I’m actually curious to find out the opposite from men but without trying to knock anyone down. + + +Please answer these questions: + +1. What do you bring to the table in the attraction phase to attract a woman + +2. What do you bring to the table beyond the attraction phase to keep a woman + +3. What do you require your partner or future partner to bring to the table to attract you + +4. What do you require your partner or future partner to bring to the table to keep you . + + +When answering please use examples of what you currently have or who you currently are . Not who you could be , would be or is working towards being or achieving in the future . ",,16,GeneralFig6053,1705265120.0 +PurplePillDebate,196iq07,Post-Nut Clarity and what it suggests about males,"PNC = once you bust, your mind is no longer ""clouded"" by sexual urges and you can think clearly about what you're doing all of a sudden. + +Does this mean... the rest of the time your mind IS clouded and you aren't thinking clearly? Seems like it'd be terrible to CONSTANTLY have cloudy thinking because of sexual urges. But it would account for a lot of unexplainable behavior. + +I've even heard the advice given between males to ""rub one out before a major decision"", so it's obviously impairing y'all's judgement. + +Why hasn't Big Pharma figured out a way to bottle PNC and sell it over the counter?",,38,Windmill_flowers,1705247119.0 +PurplePillDebate,196t8rm,"What's the difference, in principle and in morals, between pump-and-dump and serial monogamy?","Pump-and-dump is engaging in intimate relationship with a person (usually a woman, but exceptions happen) with intent to abandon them within several hours. + +Serial monogamy is engaging in intimate relationship with a person (usually a man, but exceptions happen) with intent to abandon them within several months/years. + +In undesirable variety of both scenarios, the other person wants the relationship to continue for longer (usually months/years in case 1 and decades/indefinitely in case 2, of course exceptons happen). + +Is there a crucial difference why these two cases are uncomparable? Is there any objective reason why one or the other is more ""unfair""? Do the answers to these two questions change or stay the same if serial monogamist gets or doesn't get married? + +Let me hear your thoughts.",,9,abaxeron,1705273806.0 +PurplePillDebate,196wy2m,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,3,AutoModerator,1705284008.0 +PurplePillDebate,195ym4h,Does the Destiny situation prove that redpill is right?,"Destiny is a popular twitch streamer that aligns with bluepill thinking and [made it his life goals to prove the redpill community wrong on all fronts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIFUFQW-fKY&ab_channel=DestinyClips). He has been on many relationship oriented podcast like: freshandfit, whatever, Justpearlything and Adam Sosnick podcast and debates with redpillers on gender issues in society. + +In terms of how he operates in his romantic life, he is all about equality and seeing women as equal, he's also a feminist and was in an open marriage with his soon to be ex-wife. [Many redpillers told him that being in an open relationship was bad and that it would end in divorce in 1-2 years](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqzB5tNO3to&ab_channel=DestinyClips). Destiny laughed at the idea of getting a divorce and was confident that his wife will always come back to him, no matter who she slept with; he also choose not to get a prenup fyi. Fast forward to December 2023 and text messages, that Destiny had with his mods, begin circulating the internet. Within said text, Destiny confirms that him and his wife were heading towards a divorce. It was revealed further that the reason for said divorce was due to Destiny putting his foot down at her sleeping with other men. Funny enough, 1 week prior to this, Rollo Tomasi (redpill content creator) made a video about how women hate [beta males that try to exhibit alpha male qualities (aka have a backbone and set boundaries) later in the relationship.](https://youtu.be/9gfXp7rqKfM?si=BmHUdiSYz40QAfus) + +Around Christmas time, Destiny's wife hits him up for 100k, stating that he owes her money for her apartment and that if he wants to do what's ""morally right"" he'll give her the money for ""forcing her to leave the US"". In addition to this, Destiny has revealed that his wife is going around town and basically telling people, within their social circles, that part of the reason for her leaving him is due to him being ""abusive and neglectful"".[Now come 2024 and Destiny is in shambles, he has stated live on stream that he's not sure if he'll ever date again.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2oXpvMY_v0) + +Do you think what happened to Destiny is a perfect example of what happens to men ignoring the redpill and thinking that bad dating outcome with never happen to them?",,122,shonenhikada,1705181112.0 +PurplePillDebate,196ekl0,Films/books that portray the male ideal fantasy?,"There are several romantic books or films that, in my eyes (as a woman), portray perfect love/relationships/partners. + +To better understand what the male ideal looks like in this regard - can you recommend some films or books? + +It would also be great if you could explain in a few words, what makes the pictured so appealing. + +Thanks!",,5,desert_fly,1705234393.0 +PurplePillDebate,195yey9,Women tell men how to be attractive not sexually attractive and men struggle because of it,"In this context sexual attractiveness definition means ""wanting to have sex with"". Attractiveness means to be ""drawn to that person."" Typically when looking for advice, Men get advice for attractiveness instead of sexual attractiveness. These two are the same for women but different for males. Attractiveness would be categotized as being friendly, approachable personality, disarming looks, less pushy and etc. However sexual attractiveness for a man has consistently shown to be traits that show dominance and power. The opposite of attractiveness or approachable. For example, women are obsessed with taller men. Why? It's a form of dominance to repel other men. Muscles consistently show more partners because it repels other men. Aggression and everything opposite of being friendly is what's actually sexually attractive for men. So much so, all Hollywood's conventially attractive men have been using steroids for some time to keep up with societies exaggerated preference for masculinity. Women tell you how they get more dates. Which is not how Men get more dates. They can be attractive and therefore sexually attractive. Which is not the same for men",,60,YtBlue,1705180573.0 +PurplePillDebate,1967enn,"How can a ""nice guy"" truly become a cocky, playful asshole (""bad boy"")?","The good people of PPD are all familiar with the pointless back-and-forth arguing about whether women like assholes and whether ""nice guys finish last."" Blue pillers retort that these guys aren't actually assholes, they're just confident guys who flirt and tease properly. Let's be clear, ""asshole"" is an inherently goofy term, you should be imagining the type of guy that makes girls go ""You're such an asshole!"" while slapping his shoulder. Genuinely bad people will be referred to as ""bad people."" + +Throughout my life I've seen naturals, of average or even below average attractiveness pull attractive/average young women (the average college girl is attractive) through their playful asshole personality. And let's be real, these guys are always bad people. There's a weird dynamic where bluepillers are correct in noting that their flirting/teasing/playful asshole personality is appropriate and doesn't make them bad people, but these guys actually are bad people in real life. The redpilled nice guys of PPD see this and think ""It was obvious all along"" which... it was. From our male perspective, it doesn't make sense for women to be attracted to these cocky, playful assholes then act surprised when they're bad people. It doesn't make sense to expect there to be some ""Just kidding, I don't actually think I'm superior"" moment at some point. + +Let's clarify how I'm defining a nice guy since PPD nice guys get a bad rep for no reason. A nice guy is not a guy who's pretending to be nice to get in women's pants. This doesn't even make sense because their claim is that women like assholes, so why would they be faking niceness? A nice guy is not a pushover or a coward either. This is the sort of libel and shaming that kills any sort of coherent discussion with the other side. + +A nice guy is a man who doesn't seek to establish social dominance over others. A man who's content with speaking to others as his social equals. A man who values altruism and cooperation. We can see this in politics as well. Think of a young man who's vegan, drives a smart car (those two things are objectively amazing for the environment), loves AOC and Kamala Harris, calls himself a feminist, etc. It is literally impossible to imagine a man like this embodying a ""bad boy"" personality. Due to being too benevolent and altruistic; there has to be a seed of malice baked into that personality. The ""playful asshole"" personality outwardly communicates selfishness and superiority. This is why on college campuses, those soyboys get friendzoned while their attractive liberal female friends get railed every weekend by bigoted barbarians at frat parties. Women generally can't seem to refrain from punishing benevolence and rewarding malevolence. + +Studies show that men who call themselves ""incels"" are actually a slightly left-leaning demographic: + +[38.85% of the incel participants were right-leaning, 44.70% were left-leaning, and 17.47% were centrist](https://liberalarts.utexas.edu/news/incels-are-not-particularly-right-wing-or-white-but-they-are-extremely-depressed-anxious-and-lonely-according-to-new-research) + +So the question becomes, how can a ""nice guy"" truly embody the personality of a cocky, playful asshole in order to attract women? This question is for both the redpillers and bluepillers reading this. This is what we should all be focusing on, since PPD nice guys have no retort to the question of ""Why don't you become an asshole then?"" + +How can we take guys who are inclined towards equality, altruism, and cooperation and turn them into bad boys/playful assholes? Ironically this would be exactly what women would want, correct? We could trojan horse women into dating nice guys by having them behave like assholes? Is it really possible to make this transformation though? To truly adopt the seemingly seamless rizz of these successful men if you're not inclined towards it? If we can articulate a way, then that basically solves all of PPD's problems with dating, right? Arguably this is just describing the function of /r/TheRedPill. What are everyone's thoughts though? What would a ""bluepilled"" prescription for transformation look like? ",,12,FeignRetreat,1705206744.0 +PurplePillDebate,195zsfl,Why is confidence such an aphrodisiac?," +It’s perhaps the single biggest attractor at least in the early phase of dating. Sometimes confidence alone is all it takes to seal the deal when someone would only be mildly attractive otherwise. + +Yet it’s perhaps the only attribute that doesn’t mean anything. At all. + +Think about it - If you were describing your new partner to your parents for example, you wouldn’t exactly say ‘oh he’s just so confident!’ at most you might say ‘oh he’s got such great charisma and sense of humour’ but even that invites more questions about what sort of person he is and whether he’s trying to beguile her ‘that’s nice dear but tell me about him’ + +Jim Jones and Ted Bundy had charisma. Donald Trump and Andrew tate have confidence. We all know this on some level. Therefore we all know it’s meaningless bullshit on some level. + +It’s not just that confident people are more interesting, maybe at most you could argue that they’re more entertaining. + +And yet you see women get weak at the knees for outward confidence and chest puffery which might and often does betray inner inferiority complex anyway. + +Confidence in women is usually attractive as well but not to the same extent it seems. + +Obviously diffidence and self doubt isn’t very attractive and doesn’t inspire someone to follow you especially since we tend to use other peoples outward confidence as a reflection of their self worth and competence- naturally someone who’s not very confident must think rather lowly of themselves and maybe that’s for good reason since they’re lacking in so many ways. + +But why don’t we see through confidence more often? Why don’t we look at how people walk not talk? We can’t be this naive + +Does it seem from certain people being subtly submissive and allowing someone else to dominate their personality? But then why so confident people seem to attract each other? + +Blind attraction to confidence has to be one of the dumbest facets of human nature and is responsible for a huge amount of suffering and bullshit + +Edit + +I’m referring to outward confidence, the type that’s boldly announced not subtly discovered - the type which doesn’t actually require any inner confidence to feign + +We now know that this form of confidence is a heuristic for competence which offered a survival advantage in bygone times by indicating that a man was able to protect and provide for a woman and a child ( meanwhile physical attractiveness indicated fertility in women and was more important than confidence) but surely we can therefore see it for what it is in modern dating world - an obsolete attribute that doesn’t mean really anything anymore ",,24,StaticNocturne,1705184220.0 +PurplePillDebate,196f14t,Female women are you also scared of approaching men and end up imagining disatrous scenarios in your head?,"I am not going to specify the place but you just saw a guy you think is cute and you want to talk to him but while you are working up the courage to go do something, you already thinking about the many ways he will reject you. He will: Ignore you, make fun of you to his friends (or anyone close to him at the moment), look at you in disgust, etc. + +I know you are going to say: ""Of course. Women have emotions too!"" but, because we men are expected to make the first move, it's really hard to believe that women would go through the same anxious thoughts. For example, I myself feel rejected as soon as I get out of bed in the morning. ",,0,Felizem_velair_,1705236039.0 +PurplePillDebate,196etxu,"Apparently, a lot of women now want to meet someone while ""running errands""","apparently women are tired of dating apps and [prefer to be approached while running errands](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe25Bohd/) . Which makes sense. Imagine telling your family you met while swiping left and right on Tinder? Its just sounds objectifying, artificial , even dystopian. + +The fear of getting approached, or rather getting viscerally annoyed by it, is more a sign of a low-trust atomized society than the method of chatting up a woman being problematic. Mostly online spaces like this one are against it because they're populated by the terminally online who fear their own shadows. + +In the real world, the consequences of such messaging are already firing back. More women fear of ending up alone and childless and alone, while if you're on reddit where the anti-natal crowds are the loudest it would make it seem ""childfree"" it's the hippest thing out there. ",,0,HardTimes4Vampires,1705235320.0 +PurplePillDebate,195n664,The way TRP describes female submission makes 0 sense,"""You can be submissive and not be a doormat"". ""Submissive doesn't mean inferior"". Umm, this makes 0 sense. + +If you're looking for someone you doesn't argue much and usually goes with the flow, the correct word is ""agreeable"". + +Submissive means that you are a follower and submit to someone's authority. I can't imagine how someone can view the husband as having authority over the wife and not view the husband as superior to some degree. After all why would you accept someone's authority 24/7 if you don't consider them smarter and more capable than you? If you're submissive then you accept that the husband is always right and follow what he says. What you think doesn't matter much because he has the final say. If you think the other person should always have the final say then you have to view yourself as dumber/less capable to some degree, otherwise you'll drive yourself insane. So yea , being submissive is being inferior. Maybe not inferior in value but certainly inferior in judgement, logic and reason. + +And no this is not the same to BDSM at all , in healthy BDSM there are clear boundaries and it's pretty much roleplay most of the time. Nothing happens unless the sub consents. However, with the way TRP describes it , it seems like the dominant man will always have the final say and you should STFU and follow him. So yea it means being inferior and a doormat to a degree. + +""But my grandma wasn't a doormat or inferior"". Yes because chances are she wasn't submissive lol. Almost none of the elderly women I know would think of themselves as submissive, at best they were agreeable and even that wasn't always true. The average man in the 50s wasn't some tyrant who would always have the final say. Of course this dynamic exists but it doesn't define most boomer relationships.",,40,Novel-Tip-7570,1705149671.0 +PurplePillDebate,196a5xc,"Which side criticizes the other side more - ""Red Pill"" criticizing ""Blue Pill"" or ""Blue Pill"" criticizing ""Red Pill""?","For starters, let's make it clear what the **Red Pill** and the **Blue Pill** actually are. + +*""The red pill and blue pill represent a choice between the willingness to learn a potentially unsettling or life-changing truth by taking the red pill or remaining in the contented experience of ordinary reality with the blue pill (i.e. the reality principle or the pleasure principle\[1\]). The terms originate from the 1999 film The Matrix.""* [*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red\_pill\_and\_blue\_pill*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_pill_and_blue_pill) + +Far too often we see 'characterizations' of the ""Red Pill"" that are hyperbolic, outrageous, and simply not accurate. For ""Red Pill"" to be Red Pill it simply has to **""acknowledge potentially uncomfortable things that are true.""** + +Many people on this sub inaccurately, hatefully, and foolishly have an idea that ""Red Pill"" = exclusively some attention seeking Internet personality grifter who 'hates women.' Now, there certainly are people like that but this is not ""Red Pill"" in the sense that this is what makes ""Red Pill"" Red Pill. **It's not a** ***requirement*** **to be a shocking grifter who says outrageous things because they know the algorithm rewards that.** + +For the sake of this discussion or poll, these are the definitions that I'm using, and I have every right to define and be clear about what I'm attempting to propose for a discussion. + +It has been my experience that ""Red Pill"" thinking allows for a ""Blue Pill"" way of being if that happens to be advantageous and successful to men. When ""Red Pill"" guys discuss their lives, there really isn't so many guys getting shamed for doing something if that is something that's working. When ""Red Pill"" guys see men doing something totally different, but it gets results, you really don't see a whole lot of ""Red Pill"" guys dressing other men down for finding ""Blue Pill"" solutions resulting in happy and successful relationships and marriages. I just don't tend to see that. With the ""Red Pill"" there's a certain amount of **strategic essentialism** baked in that seems to **accept anything under the sun as long as it gets desired results.** + +From what I've seen, I don't think I could say that's the same for people who self-identify as ""Blue Pill."" I think a lot of these ""Blue Pill"" people don't understand that many of these now ""Red Pill"" guys have already tried being ""Blue Pill."" And I think a lot of ""Red Pill"" guys would prefer being ""Blue Pill"" and getting results that way if they could. From what I've seen, ""Blue Pill"" people object to a ""Red Pill"" lens and do not allow the flexibility of it to exist if it happens to get results. It just seems predominantly maligned and mischaracterized by default but not so the other way around. + +People who are ""Blue Pill"" understandably want to live in their illusion and they see ""Red Pill"" as a threat to bursting their bubble. This is not because ""Red Pill"" people are disrespecting others for finding love and stable relationships by another means, it's simply unsettling to some that there are uncomfortable truths at play, in all relationships, whether we want to accept that or not. + +That's just what I've seen. So that's why I'm asking other people. + +This is not - me making an affirmative and let's make a CMV arguing about what I think. Because let's be honest, who cares about what I think? + +**The question is - which party do you see criticizing, shaming, and maligning the other party more?** + +Then you need to provide some real examples. Maybe you link to some examples, or you relate something that happened in your life. + +Here is an example response - {*I think that the ""Blue Pill"" tends to attack ""Red Pill' more - I had a conversation with friends. Someone brought up the ""Red Pill"" - someone was like - what's the ""Red Pill"" and before anyone could say anything, a woman chimed in and said - oh that's simply everything that Andrew Tate and FreshNFit think. Andrew Tate is a blah blah blah, so it's what blah blah blahs think. True Story}* + +Maybe there's examples I don't know about like - ""Red Pill"" guys being all - *how dare you have a happy marriage* and calling dudes *losers* for having happy marriages. Maybe that's a thing. I just haven't seen that. + +Anyway, it's not about what I've seen as I haven't really seen all there is out there. That's why I'm asking the question. + +**The question is - which party do you see criticizing, shaming, and maligning the other party more - Red Pill criticizing Blue Pill or Blue Pill criticizing Red Pill?**",,0,Da_Famous_Anus,1705216567.0 +PurplePillDebate,195sslb,"Dating, investments, homeownership, and financial priorities","This non-sex topic needs to be separated into its own discussion, because it's receiving attention in the DO40 subreddit. + +[Single Women Are More Likely To Own Homes Than Single Men In Nearly All States](https://www.forbes.com/sites/brendarichardson/2023/01/25/single-women-are-more-likely-to-own-homes-than-single-men-in-nearly-all-states/) + +Let's ignore the divorced women who get the houses upon divorce (the bread and butter of TRP and MRA). Let's ignore the widows who get the houses upon the death of their husbands. + +Let's focus on the biological sex divide between first-time home buyers among women and first-time home buyers among men. This is a solid mid-life dating discussion. + +It is true that there are more of those women than men. It should also be considered that women do get more help from The Bank of Mom and Dad than men. + +The counterpoints, however, are as follows: + +1) Such women are house-rich but cash poor. + +2) College-educated men aged 35-45 continue to earn more. [This was the subject of a recent thread on financially stable men](https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18s3tci/is_there_truly_a_large_subset_of_men_who_are/). + +3) The stock market outperforms real estate over the long term, unless it's a country that is knee-deep in a real estate bubble. College-educated men, including late bloomers, continue to be knee-deep into the stock market with their investments. + +4) Many college-educated men, including late bloomers, are itching to change jobs *again* to earn even more money. For college-educated adults, this is the college-educated equivalent of the divide between female government workers and male workers in construction and oil & gas. + +5) Many college-educated men, including late bloomers, are willing to chase the MBA credential. + +The financial priorities of college-educated men, including late bloomers, do clash with the financial priorities of first-time home buyers among women, and especially clash if the latter are never-married single mothers.",,13,FromAuntToNiece,1705165954.0 +PurplePillDebate,1963aqn,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,3,AutoModerator,1705194012.0 +PurplePillDebate,195slma,Do you believe most men respect women you meet?," I know I'm bias as a guys, I believe most guys respect women, I've only seen guys be respectful to women, their partner and I've seen plenty guys go the extra mile for a woman we both dont know. Other then the few assholes and teen boys. I think men generally respect women. + +Do you agree? Is your lived experience different? Or I'm I just clueless about the world?",,12,topredhat,1705165428.0 +PurplePillDebate,1962lr8,What does the 80/20 rule?,"I often see it cited in the sub but never in a consistent manner. + +Sometimes it's 80% of women are attracted to 20% of men. Other times, it's 20% of men get 80% of the sex. + +What does it mean and in your opinion, why is it cited inconsistently? ",,4,PPothy,1705191999.0 +PurplePillDebate,195svlc,"If one group is more desperate than the other in a deal, that increases the chance of injustice happening to the desperate member of the deal.","It is simple common sense. Most people do not operate on a level of altruism to where they will intentionally disadvantage themselves to get a fair deal for the other party. Most people do not have the temperance to not riskily overindulge on hedonism when it is readily available. + +Why should we assume that men, the sex which has had an entire philosophical campaign to paint them as historical villains, who have had modern technology to increase their disadvantage, who nature itself made them less charismatic and appealing than women aren't facing any sort of injustice. + +Truthfully I'm not sure what's the point of typing this out, considering most women will completely acknowledge this because it would make themselves feel like villains, but if you care about the truth you will acknowledge that within the dating sphere men are facing deep injustices.",,11,EveningEveryman,1705166174.0 +PurplePillDebate,19688q5,Should people with little to no dating experience be allowed to discuss or debate dating issues?,"Really....should people who have never had sex be taken seriously in conversations about ""sex and gender issues?"" ",,0,Specific_Praline_362,1705209621.0 +PurplePillDebate,196cf5f,How do you think you guys will handle it once it's over and you're settled down?,"I have been following the red pill for about 10 years now. 10 whole years of approaching, building up my value, and strategizing. My biggest problem before was being a beat with no bucks, now thats changed and im a high value man. Now it's over and I wifed up the girl that was there with me through the hard times and we have a kid together now. + +I know I made the right decision because she got with me when she was 25 and was with me when I didn't have anything. So I know I won the game. + +However I find it very hard to let it all go. I finally have my money up and I'm from the hood. I know that if I was single I would be killing it right now. In the hood all the other guys are broke and wouldn't be much competition for the most part. So many women i see are getting older, alone, and are lonely. I know I need to stop thinking about it because it's not healthy and I wouldn't even really do it because I don't want to ruin my family, but I just can't stop thinking about all girls I could have been getting instead right now. + +I think using the Tom Leykis strategy of letting them think I would be a beta bucks. Then just pumping and dumping before they realize I'm not I could've been smashing all these single moms left and right and having the time of my life right now. But instead I keep trying to remind myself that I made the right choice. + +I heard that the more you think about alternatives, the more you become invested in them and in the red pill that's all we do. I can't help but wonder how much harder it makes it to let it go when it's over. Especially when you fixed all the issue's that were previously holding you back and figured it all out. So are we just making it harder for ourselves when the time comes to let it all go? Do you guys think you'll be able to let it all go when it's over? Because the truth is that you are going to have to settle if you don't want to be a beta bucks.",,0,GhettoJamesBond,1705225829.0 +PurplePillDebate,195yc74,Questions about womens' complaints directed towards men,"Been lurking for a while now. I just wanted to clarify some stuff that confuses me (a black man). + +\-There was a post a while back on r/TwoXChromosomes about a lady who was tired of people asking her out/flirting with her. She purposefully wore baggy clothes to prevent this, but people still tried to talk to her. + +As long as it wasn't at an inappropriate time (on the job, middle of a conversation with a friend, something along those lines), I don't see a problem here. What's wrong with asking out women? If women don't want to be bothered for most of the day, when should men ask women out? + +\-""All women are to men is sex"". + +And? All men are to women is a wallet. Before you call me an incel, hear me out. + +Relationships are transactional. They've been that way for centuries. I completely agree that men don't really care about women. As soon as they get sex, they stop trying/dump the girl/etc. But, you have to think, with women being more college educated and more independent, less women are entering relationships. Men are a provider. They are a wallet. Women needed men to be the provider for a long, long time. So they provided sex, something that men desire. For women, it was basically ""smd or live on the street"". + +Now, with women making their own money, they don't need men anymore. They don't need to provide sex to any schmuck because they're desperate. As of now, women only really have sex with men they consider high-value, men that can pleasure them (like men do with women). Female sexual habits are no longer about money, they're more like men's sexual habits where it's more about the primal urge to mate than financial security. And primal urges can be suppressed. Religion has been doing it for centuries. And it seems paranoia and hatred seem to override the lustful lizard brain in this forum. All the stuff I've seen posted about men here, no wonder men are having less sex. I know this forum doesn't speak for all women, but it's a decent enough sample size to base an average off of. + +Relationships were never about ""love"", it was always strictly business. It's been like that since the dawn of civilization. If they were about ""love"", less women would be kicked to the curb after one-night stands. Less women would be gr$p3ð. And there would be far less lonely men. Way back in the day, nobody married for love. They married for alliances with other families and other kingdoms. Again, strictly business, nothing more. + +I assume women know this, so why is this a problem? I'm perfectly fine with human nature as it is. I'm perfectly fine with being reduced to a paycheck. Mutual benefit is what drives relationships. + +Please respond. As a man, and thus, an outsider to the plight of the female gender, I don't seem to be in the loop here. I'm curious about why there is such a wedge between the two biological sexes. I want to know why women have the problems they have, and why more and more seem to resent men. + +This is coming from a guy who had women start speedwalking as soon as they saw me, a 6'2 black dude, walking down the street. I swear on God I didn't do anything beforehand. It's fucking horrendous how our society has gotten to the point where women can take one look at a guy they've never seen before and immediately think ""gr#p15t"". + +I see that logic a lot in women's discourse too. A lot of the posts on women-only subs are like, ""OMFG I ALMOST GOT GR$P3ð SHOULD I CALL THE COPS OH MY GOD"" and they describe their horrifying encounter with a random dude going about his day. Why do people think like this? Is it due to the media? This feels like the Cold War all over again, where everyone's neighbor is a communist spy because they looked at them funny. + ",,0,SinopeLycanthrope,1705180369.0 +PurplePillDebate,1950gwd,Men are infinitely more forgiving towards women flaws yet women keep pretending men and women are on an even field with dating.,"Height. Men are way more forgiving towards women regarding height. I have never seen a male midget with a girlfriend. + +Autistic/socially awkward traits. Men are infinitely more forgiving towards women with these traits. Because of this women on the spectrum grow up being more rude and abrasive because they never felt any consequences for this. + +Being ugly. Ugly women always have a chance to get in a relationship, because men accept ugliness while ugly men have an infinitely lower chance. + +Upkeep demands. Dates, vacations, gifts whatever. Women are more demanding with these things than men. + +Making money. Men are fine when a woman makes less money than them but not the other way around. So much for feminism. ",,168,EveningEveryman,1705080238.0 +PurplePillDebate,195sjpp,FEMINISM WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD,"&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/3aHh4trC7B) Include your reddit username, pill color, age and gender when you arrive in the welcome mat to introduce yourself and help people get to know you. + +&#x200B; + +You can also find Mrs\_Drgree on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/?hl=en) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree) for notifications on when good threads are posted.",,2,AutoModerator,1705165293.0 +PurplePillDebate,195s29s,The logical origin of the argument “he should have worn a condom” or “he should have kept it in his pants” is actually “she should have just been abstinent”. Why do makers of the former claims not understand the argument they are actually making?,"When going through the threads covering abortion, pregnancy, paternity, and parental rights, you will see comments like the first two circle like clockwork. However, I don’t think people making this argument actually understand the true argument they are making and that they are actually choosing a particular moment in a sequence that results in pregnancy as opposed to the origin. Here are some presuppositions: + +- women are the main selectors and deciders of if and when sex happens between two romantically interested people. How can I verify this (because I’ve seen the arguments against this before)? Let’s look at the topic of consent, it’s bolstering into mainstream talking points, and it’s origins. Women have been the initial and primary drivers of this. Why? Because their consent directly determines whether any kind of sexual act occurs. This also involves what kind of contraception is used, in order to receive their consent. It’s only recently that consent of a man has really come into play and I assume that’s because there’s a realization that women being the primary consent givers means they are the ones who determine bell curve sexual encounters. + + +- pretending that condoms are some kind of end all be all birth control is incredibly flawed. It’s interesting this point is made so regularly when I’ve had condoms break several times, and it’s a regular occurrence of pregnancy happening even with condom usage. We do not hold women to this same standard with their birth control, and I’ll anecdotally assume because they are typically pretty piss poor at taking it appropriately. + + +- the “he should have worn a condom” argument actually is designed to obscure the fact that the sexual encounter was not verified by him, but by the woman. She also determines what kind of BC is used. I cannot tell you how many times women told me (and there are an abundance of men with the same experience) not to use a condom but I did anyways. This shows that women are aware of their say in this regard and that if they can urge you not to use it, they certainly can command you do. + +- finally, if the real argument is “every sexual encounter should assume a risk of a pregnancy” then that’s pretty much tantamount to being an abstinence hustler.",,0,No-Rough-7390,1705164029.0 +PurplePillDebate,19637xm,Why do some women willingly oppress themselves?,"https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8brGDYF/ + +In this video, a woman is talking about how she and her husband have an unequal relationship. She talks about all of the things that she does for him, but fails to mention anything that he does for her. + +My question is why do some women not realize they are in an oppressive relationship? I would not be surprised if she is being abused. + +It is sad to see. What are your thoughts?",,0,Windmill_flowers,1705193784.0 +PurplePillDebate,194qi7f,Why do some people bend over backwards to find excuses for everything women do?,"""women initiate most divorces"" + +""Well, it's because the men are horrible husbands and deserve it"". + +""Actually, lesbians have high divorce rates compared to gays"" + +""Well actually divorce is a good thing, it shows that women don't tolerate bad relationships"" + +""Psychopathic men have more kids"" + +""It's because they manipulate these poor women"" + +""Actually this study says that dark triad men are perceived as more attractive"" + +""It's because they're manipulative, women are victims"". + +You get it, there's always an excuse to everything women do. The people who say these things never extent the same grace to men. + +I fully believe that men can be horrible, I could write a whole essay about bad traits that are associated with men. However, I also have no problem admitting that some women simply make piss poor decisions and then they don't accept responsibility. It's okay to admit that. It doesn't mean that women should be oppressed or anything crazy like that. It also doesn't mean that men are better or that male violence is justified. But some women are total morons and have horrible taste.",,258,Novel-Tip-7570,1705049339.0 +PurplePillDebate,1952va7,You're not forced to be with women who don't want you.,"Genuine question: Why do you think your options are only limited to women who settle for you? + + +It's like this lingering fear that I can't make sense of, and the concern always follows the same flow that may or may not be true: + + +\- Woman turns 17/18 + + +\- Woman then proceeds to fire up Tinder and has sex with hot dudes/athletes/rappers etc. for the next 10 years + + +\- Woman ignores genuine dudes who want to get in a relationship with her during this time because she can't let go of sex with top-tier men + + +\- Around 30, said woman finally realizes she'll never get them to commit, and decides to hit up the dudes she's been ignoring all this time. + + +\- She tells said dude she wants to have kids and quit doing all the nasty stuff she was doing with casual hookups and limit you to vanilla stuff only + + +\- You now have to wallow in misery because it's all you can supposedly get + + +\- Cycle continues. + + +Despite all attempts at rationale (for example, the GSS study which states that most people have less than 10 partners lifetime, or that most adults are in relationships), this same idea persists. + + +Even if there are women out there who sleep around a bunch with hot dudes (I agree there are), most women are shacked up with guys they're genuinely hot for. People they likely met in their early-mid 20's, and then go one to get married/have kids. + + +So I would like to ask: What is honestly driving this fear of being settled for? Are you honestly afraid you may have to settle for a woman who isn't hot for you? You know you don't have to settle for women who don't want you, right?",,28,Nate__Reborn,1705086197.0 +PurplePillDebate,194xptd,Where is the incentive for a woman to be submissive?,"The only thing being submissive or agreeble does to a woman's dating life is increase the likelyhood of her attracting an abusive controlling man. + +It also doesn't help that it's that only people who absolutely loathe women like the host of the Fresh and Fit podcast and tradcons who want to roll back on women's rights promoting this advice. + +Since a woman doesn't even have to be remotely submissive or agreeble to get a man I'm just simply not seeing the benefits whatsoever.",,55,Ok-Map-7596,1705073290.0 +PurplePillDebate,1950yr3,Women’s Attraction to Dangerous and Violent Men,"This thought just occurred to me this morning, so it is kind of fresh and not completely fleshed out, but I think it at least partially explains a question that many people are confused by. The question being, “Why are many women attracted to dangerous men that are capable of violence?” I think that a lot of women find this attractive because they (whether consciously or subconsciously) believe they will be able to tame the man and wield the man’s strength and capability of violence to their own ends. + +It honestly is not a great strategy, because the women in question are going to be the most likely victim of that dangerous man, but as we all know attraction isn’t often guided by logic. What do you think? Is this idea resonating with anyone or am I off the mark? Would appreciate some genuine discussion on this topic because I would like to refine this idea a bit.",,34,silkyj0hnson,1705081468.0 +PurplePillDebate,19622jd,Passport bros and mail order husbands doing it wrong: The case for marrying up not down,"TRP and the manosphere have lots of discussions on passport bros and mail order husbands. + +In both cases, the late bloomer man marries down in socioeconomic status. That's the wrong approach. + +The case can actually be made for marrying up instead. + +Look, if the wife is going to be using this man for citizenship status, then it is the *man* who should exercise the right to sex outside a committed relationship, up to and including extramarital sex. It is the *man* who should be able to state outright an intent to pursue this, in the tone of a bully. It is the *man* who should be able to exercise the right to cheat if necessary. + +Marry rich, insist on *joint* finances, then f*** outside the marriage to the foreigner wife's tears. He will have her by the proverbial p****.",,0,FromAuntToNiece,1705190498.0 +PurplePillDebate,1959xd9,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,8,AutoModerator,1705104011.0 +PurplePillDebate,1954yti,Can advocates of casual sex propose it’s merits?,"In my eyes, it is in every way, shape or form inferior to LTRs. It leads to the objectification of women, to the normalisation of a lack of commitment, hindering the development of deep, meaningful connections. + +It’s just simply animalistic, hedonistic and reduces sex, an action between two loving people, to rudimentary pleasure. + +I simply can’t believe that this is a good thing for society. There needs to be a degree of modesty and chastity, for goodness sake. + +I also want to mention that I am not coming at this from a religious perspective",,13,awesomedude771,1705091440.0 +PurplePillDebate,1964th5,Do men even like women anymore?,"It seems like a large population of men online don't like anything about women except for the fact that they can have sex with them. Everything I've seen basically culminates in them wanting a woman to be their mommy at home and just a hole to use. It's pathetic IMO. So do men even really like women anymore? + +**TO CLARIFY:** I am specifically calling the ideology being published online (as well as pushed through social media algorithms, and other various types of media) that men only wanting a woman to serve him similarly to the way a mother serves her child, and use them for their sexual gratification is a pathetic outlook to have on women and their position in society.",,0,gooseboy69420,1705198470.0 +PurplePillDebate,195rp34,"What are your guys views on ""entitlement"" of sex in marriage?","More specifically, it is well accepted in redpill communities that men are not entitled to sex in marriage. Not because of bodily autonomy or coercion or something. Its because no one is entitled to anything and sex just comes in wider umbrella of anything. + +So wife is not entitled to your commitment or fidelity either. She will be entitled to what ever in divorce but thats a discussion for some other day. + +So I would like to think of having sex with wife like having sex with a woman who we just met, if rejection happens, no hard feelings. Also the rules of the game are same for a stranger and wife. So we need to flirt with wife, tease her, roleplay etc to make it fun etc. + +But then the question arises, if the same work is required for wife and another woman why not choose another woman. She will give him variety. + +Do wife have some kind of obligation to make sex easier for her husband? + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B;",,0,[deleted],1705163061.0 +PurplePillDebate,194xput,Why do Western Women believe in casual relationships the most?,"Why is it that most people in the world, EXCEPT Western Women believe in finding long term relationships before 25 and not gaining body counts over 2 + +Sure some people will say ""I KnOw PeOPle outSiDe ThE WeSt WitH A HiGh BoDy CouNt"" + +But overall, most of the world including Western men don't support hoe phases + +Why is it that just women born in the West do? + +I think it must be a part of our human nature to not be promiscuous. The promiscuity of Western Women is nurture over nature",,22,Consistent-Gur6932,1705073293.0 +PurplePillDebate,194v9zf,There's a viral phenomenon on social media (mainly tiktok) of porn bot sites stealing videos of women to pretend to be single lonely older women. What do you think of this trend?,"So recently there's an uptick of people mainly accounts within the manosohere or adjacent that post videos of seemingly normal women crying about being single in their 40s or how they cannot find a husband after hitting the wall. These videos without fail when posted tend to go viral as a lot people like to give their two cent. + +However, an interesting twist to this huge trend of older women crying about their lackluster dating lifes on tiktok is that most of videos are fake and instead are part of an advertising campaign for porn bot accounts. Here is one example that was posted on social media that went viral that's a recent example. There was community note pointing out it was fake after someone did some investigation work. + +[https://x.com/slatzism/status/1745528037406306625?s=46](https://x.com/slatzism/status/1745528037406306625?s=46) + +It turns out this is really common, someone else also did some investigate work and found there's a trend of these porn accounts stealing videos of unsuspecting women and writing fake scenarios on their videos about them being sad for older, single, childless, lonely etc. + +[https://x.com/bx\_on\_x/status/1745680187327389972?s=46](https://x.com/bx_on_x/status/1745680187327389972?s=46) + +[https://x.com/bx\_on\_x/status/1745680386158449019?s=12](https://x.com/bx_on_x/status/1745680386158449019?s=12) + +Anyways I found the whole thing interesting. Why do you think this a trend being employed by porn bots? And why do you think these videos tend go viral and are constantly being reposted?",,30,SapphireRising225,1705066747.0 +PurplePillDebate,194zz0i,"If you woke up tomorrow as the opposite sex, and knew you would never go back, how would your views change?","Further, how would you feel about being expected to perform and live the role that you currently wish the opposite sex would play, whatever that may be? + +Edit: Assume that whatever your sexual orientation is now, changes to the opposite sex as well. ",,4,StatusSnow,1705079015.0 +PurplePillDebate,194v6fo,"Since an amount of guys feel legalizing prostitution is the only way, can they protest the issue?","It has been said here before that guys want prostitution legalized who cannot get sex by other means and I was wondering if guys were to protest the issue in the streets pretty much could they eventually get it legalized? + +I would have thought no before but the defund the police movement actually worked and some states did it and getting cannabis legalized, worked... + +Now it has been said before here that a fair amount of guys have trouble getting sex because they are autistic, but this makes me wonder could guys use this to get the government to legalize prostitution since the government grants certain other services for autistic people? + +Would men be able to make a case for this successfully perhaps, especially if lots of protesting is involved?",,5,harmonica2,1705066461.0 +PurplePillDebate,195jr05,What are your experiences or anecdotes of abusive women and did you or others find help after?,"I am asking this question as I see so much focus on abusive men and keeping men out of safe spaces. I think this is ridiculous as I've met plenty of male victims as well as female victims. + +I also don't believe men are the only group being abusive and in fact think we assume this because men don't admit being abused more than me are the main aggressors. Because from experience guys are not willing to show vulnerability like this because of societal pressure on them, and they re not even told they can be abused so many don't know till they tell someone about their ex that ""made them feel crappy"" + +I'm gonna leave some examples of some ways people can be abusive just incase but assume most of you don't need this + +- Verbal abuse (constant insults, manipulation, gas lighting ect) +- Controlling behaviour (you cant have family or friends around, you must act this way, change things about yourself ect) +- physical abuse (hitting, slapping, pinching, restraining, ect) +- sexual abuse (unwanted physical contact and sexual activity) +- financially (controlling money, using it as a way of entrapment)",,0,lilcrashmat,1705135834.0 +PurplePillDebate,194ev1t,I am thoroughly confused by the current sexual landscape.,"This may sound dumb, but I am extremely confused by our current sexual landscape. + +Based on what I’ve read, observed, and experienced, we live in a world where: + +- Men are the ugly gender, women are the pretty gender + +-Women don’t find an overwhelmingly majority of men attractive + +-Men do find most women attractive + +-An unattractive man can only dream of being with an attractive woman, and if it happens, it’s rare. + +-Women highly value things such as height, looks, status, something most men don’t have + +-Men pedestalize women. Some can’t even have a conversation with one without anxiety taking over and some speak of women as if they’re godly and not just human + +-People of equal attractiveness are usually with each other. Average men are never with above average women, and vice versa. + +-Generally speaking, men are pursuing women more than the other way around + +-Women are highly selective of their men + +-Men are far more lonely than women, sexually and romantically + +-Most women are unattainable for most men + +But also a world where… + +-Women and men are starting families together + +-Men seem to know enough about women to attract them + +-Women are with men that, I’m assuming, not meeting their standards in *some* way + +-Promiscuous women exist + +-Most people have a strong drive to procreate + +-Men approaching women is seen negatively in some contexts (notably if he’s unattractive). + +-Casual sex is more common than ever + +Despite all of this, with some nuance in between, we ended up at 8.1+ billion. Im asking myself: if these things are true to varying degrees, how did we even get here? Is that because of men’s desire for women? Is it because men’s success is attractive enough to warrant procreation? How is sex simultaneously something most of the human race was able to have but something that is placed on such a high pedestal, especially by males? + +I know there are very complex answers to all of these questions, but any sort of explanation would help.",,41,BridgmansBiggestFan,1705013034.0 +PurplePillDebate,195457w,Having a skillset or not?,"I've been pondering something and wanted to get your thoughts on it. With this idea that suggests that women should be untouched and virgins, what's your take on them practicing a skill like The Goh!ddess Method or pompoir? + Is a woman who embraces and hones her sexuality from a personal perpective and not sharing it with other man considered high value for being confident in her desires and exploring her own pleasure, or is there still a stigma attached? Does working on your sexuality, even if it's not with other partners, affect how you perceive someone's value in a relationship? + What do you think?",,0,SpreadsheetsnHeels,1705089393.0 +PurplePillDebate,194f9cq,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,13,AutoModerator,1705014009.0 +PurplePillDebate,194issz,"Ladies (non-exclusively), what are your thoughts on population collapse?","This is in context to my post a few weeks back. I've been convinced men and women don't want to settle (and probably shouldn't). So my question is directed primarily at women but men are also welcome to chime in (hence the ""Discussion"" flair). My primary question is as follows: + +""If men and women are not capable of settling for each other happily, are we content with watching birth rates collapse?"" + +I'm a transhumanist leaning towards posthumanism so I think AI, artificial gametes/wombs will pick up the slack of population collapse so it's all kinda not a big deal but I realize that's not a popular opinion and maybe a bit too dystopian for many. It feels like as this gender war wages on further, the trad-cons will more or less out-breed the progressive world view of ""my happiness is all that matters"" and hyper-peculiarity of current dating standards. + +So what say you all? + +Edit: +The nihilism in the responses is quite enlightening. I'm really surprised but this is very enlightening. I tend to see all this societal decay as a result of political failures. I can see why Thiel - types have big out bunkers outside the US. ",,8,MOProG2,1705023370.0 +PurplePillDebate,1943dwa,Why is categorical thinking so prominent in these spaces?,"It always seems like there are rules for life, with very few exceptions outside of those rules, little nuance or complexity. + +People are alphas or betas, women are not attractive beyond 30's, men are providers, men want youth, women value status, status is money, etc, even stats are presented with a high degree of ""this proves this right"" in a way which lacks nuance and in a this proves this right or wrong, which would make my life easier if the academic world did also but doesn't.... + +like why? + +Edit: well this is an interesting discussion so far!",,46,No-Calligrapher-3630,1704984415.0 +PurplePillDebate,193ws60,"CMV: Dating for most men gets easier at 30 because they lack the sexual experience to realise , women's standards and desires for a relationship, marriage shift out of necessity.","If you go anywhere on the 4 corners of the internet in the past decade,you have endless discussions ,articles, movements, philosophies surrounding the current difficulties in getting sex and relationships for men. + +I'm 31 and and I've noticed something particularly odd. Most of my male contemporaries absolutely struggled to get any female attention in their 20s. Some got the occasional relationship, sexual experience every blue moon, but this was a means to an end. Then I had the one or two friends who were absolute slayers and this allowed me to observe the sexual battlefield in a different lens, but that's irrelevant for this posts. + +I've seen it, the guys finally meet a girl who puts out regularly, treats him like a king at first, whole 9 yards, and the average man finds this amazing because he's struggled so hard and this is his big break at consistent intimacy and attention. This happens in the 30s when men who've struggled to get anything meet someone who initially rocks their world not realising, this is the bare minimum lmao. + +They say dating got easier, no bruh, she can't lockdown the guys she use to fuck or got tired of it. Its crude to say, but is what it is. Women will absolutely marry someone they wouldn't have dated years ago, because he wasn't the hot guy and then disguise it as she's matured and found out there's more then looks....right + +She wants to get married and have kids to follow social norms, and you are stability because she knows you aren't going anywhere, because she instinctively knows from your behavior, she is the best you've ever had, and if you were to leave her, you'd be back to square one in the sexual landscape, searching for a drop of water in a dessert. That's why the sex dried up after you put the ring on, and her head hurts.",,146,neverendingplush,1704961320.0 +PurplePillDebate,194fcdh,What’s the plan?,"I see lots of commentary on how unfair dating is and how thing would be so much more fair if X person would give Y person a chance or if there was simply a way to pair with the optimal person then things would be so much better for X or Y person. + +My question is this, what’s the plan once you finally get your optimal person. I didn’t say ideal because it seems that a lot of people are willing to concede some points. So what is the plan for the after? When you get in a relationship and it checks most of your boxes. Do you maintain the same cynicism or do you try your hardest to be optimistic that this thing has longevity? + +Do you work hard to be caring, committed and engaging or do you work from a space of cautious distance to not get your heart broken. + +I readily admit, at this point in my life, everyone is treated like the sting ray that killed Steve Irwin. + +So what’s your plan?",,5,bluepvtstorm,1705014201.0 +PurplePillDebate,19562v2,Just because men are argued to have it “worst” in getting a girl doesn’t mean women can’t have it bad," + People will generally agree that it’s men who usually have it worst when it comes to dating or getting a girl such as men saying they barely get matches on Tinder, and women get tons of matches and attention while men get none since women are mostly picky about who they’re with. + + +While it could be true that women get more matches from men on dating apps, for whatever reason that is, that doesn’t mean women always have it easy when it comes to dating, or that men can never be an asshole. That also doesn’t mean every man is some dude who always falls in love with every girl he comes across; there’s dudes who obviously reject women too just like women rejecting men. There’s men, just like women, that instantly ghost you on dating apps. The problem with this way of thinking as always portraying women as having it easy to get guys is…people thinking that whenever a woman talks about a problem she’s having with dating, people tend to disagree with it since “men always have it harder in dating” and constantly get “rejected.” + +But there are women that get instantly rejected too. From my experience, I thought every dude would fall in love with me but that wasn’t the case. There were dudes who were obviously rude to me due to various reasons, and I didn’t even do anything rude to them. + +Also from my experience, i don’t have dudes falling for me like society tends to think. “Oh she gets 500 messages from dudes!!” No thats not the case at all with me",,0,Longjumping_Pop3208,1705094227.0 +PurplePillDebate,193on1l,CMV: Dating apps are becoming the only socially acceptable way to get a relationship,"Want to ask out that cute girl you see at the library? Don't do that you weirdo, she's there to study and doesn't want to be bothered! +Want to ask out one of your coworkers? Don't do that, it's unprofessional harassment! +Want to ask out one of your female friends in your social circle? Don't do that, she's just your friend! + +Men are discouraged from all the normal ways of starting a relationship. +Even though dating apps don't work for most men, it's still the only acceptable way to get a relationship these days. As a Gen Z guy, almost all my friends and family members who are in relationships met their S.O on an app",,95,Glass_Bucket,1704934679.0 +PurplePillDebate,1942d22,Which historical women =did not survive because= they refused to marry anyone?,"I see references to this widespread phenomenon pop up regularly, you can for example look at several by googling *'site:reddit.com/r/purplepilldebate ""historically"" ""to survive""*: + +*""As we all know, women do not need to marry a provider* **to survive,** *because they are* **now** *free to work and earn money for themselves.""* - [24 days ago (post)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18l7bph/women_would_you_rather_be_rather_be_forced_to/) + +*""The irony is that we don't need marriage* **to survive** *anymore""* - [4 months ago (post)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16bkcci/sugar_daddy_relationships_are_closer_to_how/) + +**""the only way to survive** *was by marrying the man with the most money that you personally could""* - [7 months ago (comment)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13q6w6g/does_widespread_monogamy_require_economic/jlh5gcu/) + +*""So, naturally, now that women no longer require a romantic relationship with men* **in order to survive,""** - [1 year ago (post)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/t8jdim/men_here_really_act_as_if_they_wouldnt_take/) + +*""Yes, women don’t need men* **just to survive anymore** *(thankfully)""* - [1 year ago (comment)](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vvtaur/how_the_match_group_destroyed_dating/ifmpmwo/) + +So, can we please personalize this phenomenon and let the stories of these women be heard? Something like *""Abigail Spinster, born 1811, refused to marry her fourth cousin once removed Kletus Ferteel who proposed to her in 1833, and, destitute, she died of starvation in 1835; her younger sister Apolinaria Maria Theresa Spinster accepted Kletus as her husband, and died of old age many years later""*. + +#Or is this just a hyperbolized figure of speech referring to a phenomenon that is completely made up? + +Last time I asked for quantitative evidence for prevalence of [men having unofficial parallel families](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18akbew/how_common_are_men_having_parallel_families/), and got none but anecdotes and celebrity nonsense. + +The bar is lower here; anecdotes are welcome. + +Flaring as Debate since I will be engaging and to relax the conditions for post neutrality. + +EDIT: Phewh, two hours in, Hooray to Economy-Shake-1448 for two most relevant and insightful comments thus far: [xxxxxxx](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1942d22/which_historical_women_did_not_survive_because/khd87uz/) [xxxxxxx](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1942d22/which_historical_women_did_not_survive_because/khd73j3/) + +EDIT2: **Nine hours in.** + +Things I learned ""despite this thread"" but also somewhat thanks to it: + +The US women had [equal right to inheritance shortly after the end of war for independence](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1942d22/which_historical_women_did_not_survive_because/khec0gp/), and quite probably are the only female demographic of a nation (or at least of a Common Law-adjacent one) that had this right more than 2 centuries ago and kept ever since. (srsly, I didn't know) + +[IFStudies](https://ifstudies.org/blog/1-in-4-projecting-childlessness-among-todays-young-women) has a page on historical prevalence of women never married by age 50, and this estimate starts at 1827 and never falls below 5% until 1925. Although I am aware that IFS is not a reliable source.",,6,abaxeron,1704981615.0 +PurplePillDebate,194ha1l,Abusing Pornography for Men == Abusing Online Dating for Sexually for Women,"Roughly speaking; both practices are toxic, promoted by society as ""not harmful"", appeal to lower base urges, dehumanize the other gender, warps the sense of intimacy + +The rush a man who uses porn gets from having the accessibility of thousands upon thousands of women's bodies, picking what they look like down to the body part is not natural. + +The ability for a woman to open up her phone and have access to a variety of suitors in a 100 mile radius that they can cherry pick from is not natural. + +Don't fight me, and by natural I also mean these aspects corrupt our culture and ideas of intimacy in very similar ways. + +EDIT : + +I'd like to say, common trends include accessibility, corporate processing and the reliance on a larger corporation to deliver the intended experience to you, and the general lack of regular social circumstance while jumping to a desired, ideally long term aspect of life. Turning that into a repeatable and soulless process on a screen rubs me the wrong way and I think we should ban or regulate both",,0,AccountYesno,1705019211.0 +PurplePillDebate,193mqvp,"The most important thing a man can bring to a woman, is attention (and sex)","Men are going around, thinking if they work hard enough and spend enough time away from their partners, they will somehow have a stable and healthy relationship + +Then they get surprised when rightly, the woman checks out of the relationship + +Call me insecure and untrustworthy all you want, i just like to take accountability. + +How else do you explain military dudes when their partner steps out on them? Oh, you want to spent months on end in some place with little to no communication capabilities? And then you want your woman to be supportive of the fact you could die and she'd have to be without a partner, because **you made the decision** to be as far away from her and your family as you possibly could? + +Yeah, thats definitely conducive to a healthy and stable relationship /s + +This scenario can be extrapolated to any situation where youre not giving your partner ample attention (or sex) + +**Now, i said most important, not the only important thing.**",,17,AdVictoriam-,1704929594.0 +PurplePillDebate,193986c,Sex Robots will fix the dating market,"Let us be clear what's plaguing the market as of now. The number one problem is simps, then there are high standards of women, women looking for men with sex experience and the people looking for casual sex. + +When sex robots become a reality (not an if as we all know it is inevitable), the need for sex which the simps usually run after will cease to exist. The access to sex will decrease which will make them less thirsty and also less touch deprived. This will cause them not to throw away their standards and look for any woman to settle with. + +Now we come to the point of casual sex people. Usually it is a problem when a casual sex seeker meets someone who wants a long term relationship. As [shown](https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1139859/what-sex-does-to-brain/), having sex causes emotional bonding and the ones who have a lot of casual sex [experience trouble bonding](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/influence-multiple-partners-womens-pair-bonding-naaz-fatima/). So when a casual sex seeker meets someone of opposing view, usually they want to add them to their body count (not everyone but like playboys or Chads or hoes or gold diggers). This fucks up the other person who wants a long term relationship. It is possible that having sex robots might satiate their urge to look for new bodies to have sex and not spread the trauma. + +As having sex robots will seemingly take out a significant number from the dating market, and the men will no longer be as desperate, it is entirely possible that the unachievable standards that some women have on social media like the infamous 666 will cease to exist as there will be less simps for them to entertain and inflate their egos. + +It is also possible that the robots as they would be modeled on female anatomy will also give the men the sexual experience that most women ask for. It is the same situation of training of pilots on sims and then in the real world although the latter differs in a significant way. Let us be clear though, flying is definitely more complex than female anatomy and dangerous too so I doubt the difference of having sex with a robot and a woman willl be much of a difference. + +The only drawback that I can find is for people to adjust to sex robots as it will feel a lot of backlash int the start as people fear change same way as people are hating on automatics and EVs in the automotive market. The other point could be the standard for men, like the man who will have slept with more women will be respected more than the one who has had more sex robots.",,23,thedarkracer,1704896108.0 +PurplePillDebate,193ki1d,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,2,AutoModerator,1704924010.0 +PurplePillDebate,1947cdp,"i’ve seen this idea tossed around that women are more susceptible than men to social trends - both genders are very susceptible to trends, let’s stop pretending its one sided","Claims that women primarily conform to social trends, that women ‘herd like sheep’, “all women are the same”, and even claims going as far as saying conformity is inherently feminine. + + + +Fact is, most people, regardless of gender, conform to social trends - and men are just as susceptible as women. Men’s fashion literally evolves with whatever the most successful rapper looks like, haircuts follow very clear trends, taste in music for a lot of men is very mainstream, and even male desired body types and behaviors all follow similar trends, what was trendy 5 years ago for men is very different to what’s trendy now - this goes for male behaviors as well. The redpill, for example, has gotten mainstream and whether the term is used or not, many (particularly masculine presenting men) all subscribe to it and parrot it. + + + +This even goes as far as men going to trendy places (mostly following the women who go there), and doing trendy activities (again, usually following women) + + +Now, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with this (there may be things wrong with specific trends, but the act itself is something most humans engage in) - most people are conformists in so many ways and most people follow trends, what i am criticizing is this idea that women are somehow more susceptible or the idea that male thinking is at a higher frame of consciousness despite blindly following trends as well. It lacks self awareness.",,0,KayRay1994,1704994504.0 +PurplePillDebate,1942nnb,Is it true that a good amount of women want alpha males to have some beta qualities?,"I am what you would call a beta male probably, over alpha. I have a gf and she tells me that her two friends will come to her and say that they wish that their boyfriends did things like I did for them that they considered more romantic compared to what their boyfriends do. + +Their boyfriends are more alpha for sure. But if more women are attracted to alpha males and not beta, why would they wish those alpha guys had some beta qualities therefore, out of curiosity? This makes me wonder if their criticisms of their boyfriends not being as romantic is legit therefore, if they do not like beta qualities? ",,0,harmonica2,1704982417.0 +PurplePillDebate,193466h,Is it becoming a growing trend for women (and especially young women) to casually disrespect and sexually demean men they believe are less attractive than them with no provocation?,"This post is heavily inspired by [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Q3rPzzZJLs) which summarizes what is easily one of the most painful twitch streams I have ever encountered in my life (which probably doesn't mean much considering I despise twitch for a number of reasons that I won't get into right now). The stream comes from some nasty twitch e-girl with an obscenely bloated ego who sees fit to invite one of her mods on for what is basically an hours long bullying session where she relentlessly hammers into his head what a disgusting incel she thinks he is, claims that she would prefer to get back together with her ex indefinitely (who she claims to have been emotionally abusive) rather than date him for a mere six months, acts like kissing him is akin to spilling toxic waste into her mouth once she is forced to do it after the stream reaches its donation goal, and to add insult to injury after making it clear how much she personally finds him disgusting, also implies that he is also such a loser that no other woman would dare hook up with him in some strange attempt to demolish his self esteem before they head out to a club for whatever the fuck this event is. + +Now, while usually I would chalk this up to women on twitch being just a little more degenerate and sociopathic than they usually tend to be, the nature of Caitlin's unrelenting bullying here was such that it drew me to think that this is a behavior that seems to be growing frighteningly popular amongst many women, even seemingly normal ones both online and offline. Even outside of dating contexts, many women seem to feel the need to casually demean men that are not even particularly creepy or unlikable, but simply unattractive to them specifically, particularly in the manner of systemically destroying the sexual confidence of men however they possibly can. This is a behavior that, unfortunately, I have even seen on this subreddit and across many other corners of the internet that skew towards a female userbase, it's quite disturbing how many women who pride themselves on being progressive and forward thinking will immediately default to accusations of inceldom, repressed homosexuality and claiming that men they personally do not like have small penises or are short (which is body shaming by the way, but when confronted on this, they will say its not really about small penises or about being short, it's about the way these men *behave*...because it completely makes sense to talk about something entirely unrelated in someone's physical looks in order to call out their behavior), and even seems to transcend to real life with grown adult women who are somehow so socially stunted that [they throw toddler level tantrums](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ4Ct0zo7vE) simply from being approached by a man...in a public place...in broad daylight. + +So, my question is, has anyone else noticed this pattern of behavior growing more and more common these days? And if so, what could be the cause? Why do women seem to randomly want to ""humble"" men or intentionally make men feel bad in contexts were no creepiness or ill will was reasonably shown by the man? Are women at large simply rejecting treating men with politeness? Is there something that men as a whole have done to earn this treatment? What can potentially be done to change or fix that in that case?",,19,Hatefuleight-36,1704877944.0 +PurplePillDebate,193yjew,"Contrary to popular belief, I think meek, beta guy and dominant woman can create successful marriages","Women should give meek, nice guys a chance because once kids are born the woman's priorities will shift anyway and this is the type of guy she would want. + +Instead what I have noticed is that many women chase selfish men because aloofness seems hot initially and because they're more of a challenge. Then when kids are born she finds out (surprise, surprise!) that these men are selfish, lazy fathers who don't help enough. + +Go for guys who are a bit meek, obedient, believe in the Christian slave morality. I have seen this dynamic work well for my mother and stepfather.",,0,Novel-Tip-7570,1704968664.0 +PurplePillDebate,192yk3q,How do you rank the importance of these traits / factors in a potential partner?,"1. Compassion, kindness and empathy + +2. Sense of humour and wit + +3. Love language compatibility (flirting and showing affection the way you appreciate) + +4. Chivalry and courtesy ( especially the old fashioned form) + +5. Ambitions ( not just career ) + +6. Intelligence (especially being quick to understand things) + +7. World awareness and conscience for social causes etc + +8. Physical attractiveness + +9. Integrity (sticks to their word and convictions) and consistency + +10. Career passion / Career prospects + +11. Financial stability or prosperity + +12. Independence and fortitude + +13. Courageousness ( isn’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in ) + +14. Humility and ego awareness + +15. Aligning beliefs and views (political, religious, social) + +16. Lifestyle and contextual alignment (living nearby? Has a dog? Have children? Would they mesh with your family? Do they have a similar timeline for when they might want to buy a house or have a kid?) + +17. Aligning hobbies, interests, and tastes e.g both into working out, similar taste in music, both dress like goths etc + +18. Social alignment (can you talk forever? Does it feel effortless to hang out with them? introversion vs extroversion? Do they enjoy being in the lime light or the background?) + +19. Dating and sexual history ( never dated, had many casual partner, been married etc) + +20. Sexual compatibility (sex drive, preferences, fetishes ) + +21. Impulsivity and craziness ( never boring but possibly destabilising and exhausting ) + +22. Openness and clear communication + +23. Healthy relationships ( what their friends are like, their relationship with friends and family members) + +24. Skills (cooking, handyman work etc) + +25. Their apparent level of interest in you ( is it mild? are they a bit obsessed with you? does it fluctuate?) + +26. Compatible Attachment styles (do they need time alone or constant reassurance? Are they a bit avoidant or anxious etc?) + + +I know they’re a bit arbitrary and you don’t need to rank them all but just rank the top few or which ones would be dealbreakers for you",,11,StaticNocturne,1704857779.0 +PurplePillDebate,192rjpb,I Think There's Room for a Men's Liberation Front - Let's Talk About It,"I think the discourse around equality in society has gotten - *admirably* \- deep in the weeds at this point. We're (moooostly) beyond talking about basic shit like ""the majority shouldn't oppress the minority"" and ""making assumptions about people because of their demographic is prejudice"". Or in the least, most of us have heard these arguments, even if different people have different opinions on where to draw the line. + +With that said, I think ""Men"" as a demographic have fallen behind - partially because, in prior centuries, ""men"" occupied most positions of power, so by COMPARISON, minorities and women had to work and fight to catch up. (And, to be clear, they will probably have to continue to fight, to *keep* the advancements they've made.) + +But what should men be fighting for? + +(I think) that probably the most compelling battles would be: + +* Length of jail terms/Gender-affected Treatment - *People should be jailed based on their crime, not their demographic. Also car insurance rates being higher for men ect.* +* Expectation to be more comfortable with violence and danger - *Going to war, killing spiders, expected to be able to fight other men on the street ect.* +* Expectation to have low standards - *Expectation that men have to be more comfortable being dirty, sleeping on the floor, doing gritty, painful, or 'nasty' work.* +* Expectation to be stoic and rational - *Men should be allowed to have non-violent emotional expression the same as women, not shamed for being scared or sad or anxious ect.* + +**ON TOXIC MASCULINITY:** I for the sake of discussion, I'll say clearly that my definition of ""Toxic Masculinity"" is the belief that there is a form of SOCIALLY-DEFINED 'masculinity' that requires men to engage in harmful behaviors, LIKE the items listed above. Since this is such a ticklish term for so many, I would put forward one more item: + +* BENEVOLENT MASCULINITY needs to be better defined as an alternative - *so that there are examples of masculine behavior that men can be proud of, instead of ONLY having behaviors that are ""bad"" that men have to avoid or else they're also bad*. + +**Just as there were many women in the past who opposed women's liberation, there will be many MEN who oppose these sorts of changes.** Some out of ignorance, some out of their own prejudice, some because THEY have benefited from these institutions being upheld, some out of shame or embarrassment because they have internalized these things as a point of pride and don't know what they'd do if they lost it. + +I think the LEAST compelling argument that men should probably distance ourselves from are: + +* Requiring women change their behavior to make men's lives easier - *Requiring other demographics to cater to you just because they're not YOUR demographic is seeking a system of oppression... where you're on top.* +* Eliminating No-Fault Divorce: *Women are not the only people who want to get divorced. There are also men in toxic, unhealthy relationships that aren't overtly abusive, and if those men want to divorce, they should ALSO be free to do so.* + +I'm sure I missed a bunch of stuff, but let's go over it.",,29,Gravel_Roads,1704838966.0 +PurplePillDebate,192z1vb,Why do a lot of women say that men like b*tc3s?,"Excuse the language, but I just don't see it for myself as a guy. I don't want to deal with someone difficult when I don't have to, and all my guy friends seem to agree. + +To me this comes off as projection, since I can see how a type A personality guy would be attractive to women, but when you change the genders I can't really see a guy being seduced by a type A personality woman. (Using personality type A in lieu of ""bitch"" since I think that they are more or less along the same spectrum on personality types, even tho I think you can be type a w/o being a jerk/bitch). + +As a guy, all things being equal, if I had a choice between two women I would not go for the ""bitch"", but rather someone easy going. + +Can anyone explain thus? Why do women have that false idea that guys prefer difficult women? It has to be projection, but I'm open to hearing from this subreddit. Thanks in advance!",,5,scrawnyserf92,1704859362.0 +PurplePillDebate,193nn5a,"Q4M: When it comes to “education around consent,” do you feel like boys and men “don’t understand consent” or that “they don’t care if they have consent”?","From adult men and women alike, I hear “we have to have more education around consent” whenever something comes up regarding boys and men committing sexual assault. + +But at this point, I don’t think boys and men don’t understand the concept — they don’t care. They made a choice that what they craved in the moment was more important than the other person’s protestation or lack of consent. Because plenty of girls and women seem to understand the concept just fine. Unless we’re claiming boys and men are uniquely dumber, I think they understand just fine. They are choosing to do what they want to do. **What do you think?** + +“Children are committing 18 rapes a DAY and 15,000 rapes and sex attacks every year, shocking report finds as police warn sexual violence has been 'normalised' by online pornography” [according to this DailyMail headline.](https://x.com/mailonline/status/1744896600390938643?s=46) + +The meat of the article clarified that it’s not “children,” but mostly boys: + +> Although 82 per cent of perpetrators are male, the report identified groups of girls under the age of 18 taking part in sexual communication and indecent images of children offences. + +The article is putting the blame on pornography, but that suggests that boys 20 years ago or 30 years ago or 100+ years ago weren’t doing the same things to their female peers and kin, which I highly doubt. Was probably worse, albeit underreported then. + +Finally, why is this an affliction of boys and men? Why aren’t girls and women compelled to assault boys and men at equal rates? Is it testosterone? **What do you think it is?** + +**inb4**: This is obviously not “all” men or “all” women. This is an assessment of observed gendered patterns. ",,0,GridReXX,1704931914.0 +PurplePillDebate,192f6zz,What is the appeal of casual sex for women?,"I can understand the appeal for men as for them having casual sex is very difficult, they're 100% going to orgasm, no pregnancy and no shame for being a ""slut"". + +But why do women? You are probably not going to orgasm or enjoy it much, you could even be assaulted... then there's the risk of pregnancy and higher risk of STDs. Wouldn't having sex in a commited relationship, or even just simply masturbating be a better option? + +And also please engage in a discussion instead of just leaving a comment like ""I don't do it, so idk"". Seen a lot of women do that.",,58,-snickerss-,1704808365.0 +PurplePillDebate,192lf56,Texting a girl: Keep it short and simple or she will run!,"I saw a TikTok about a girl texting a nice guy vs the guy she chases + +**Nice Guy** + +*Girl*: Baby I'm feeling insecure + +*Nice* *Guy*: Baby, please don't feel insecure. You are a beautiful queen and there is nothing wrong with you. I love you so much baby and together we're gonna build the best life together. Keep your head up my queen + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +**Guy She Chases** + +*Girl*: Baby I'm feeling insecure + +*Guy*: Ohh ok + +*Girl*: Yeah, I feel like my body isn't hot enough + +*Guy*: I see + +*Girl*: Yeahh + +*Guy*: Wyd + +*Girl*: Listening to music. Wbu? + +*Guy*: Nothing + +&#x200B; + +**Analysis** + +\- Girl leaves nice guy on read and his attention gives her NO tingles because he just dumps it all on her + +\- Girl leads the convo with the bad boy. Every message of his induced a good kind of anxiety in her. She would wonder if his next text will give her attention or not. None of his texts actually gave her the attention she WANTED, however just the fact that he was texting her was enough to give her butterflies + +**Women always say that they want a man they can talk to for hours, but women already believe that they can get any guy to give them that much attention. It's very rare for a woman to experience next to no attention from a guy** + +What are you opinions?",,22,Consistent-Gur6932,1704824330.0 +PurplePillDebate,193hj5t,"Contrary to what the Internet and Hollywood makes you belief, why does it seem Cougars are a minority and most women don’t want to date men their age nor younger than themselves?","Hey guys, + +This is based on a lot of “Cold approaching” of myself and other friends. I notice that many women in their mid 20’s did not want to date guys their same age but wanted men who were significantly older. Likewise as you go up the women’s age of the same pattern repeats. + +We see the world from the “Female Gaze” so this topic is not as talked about. However, it’s real. In my opinion many women in mid to late 20’s are sort of over parting want a “larger than life” lifestyle. ",,0,Marcel_7000,1704916833.0 +PurplePillDebate,192bvw4,People here exaggerate the hate that age gap relationships get. If you're so sensitive that a few comments get you then don't be in an age gap relationship,"I am a 30 yo woman dating someone 13 years older. Literally nobody cares. Unless you're dating a literal teenager or there's a weird dynamic going on, it's highly unlikely that people will give you shit for it. + +""but someone on twitter said something"". Twitter is filled with children, trolls and shut-ins with very little life experience. Same with Tiktok, many commenters are literal kids. It's probably for the best if kids think age gap relationship are creepy if it prevents grooming. If you're so insecure about your relationship then maybe don't be in an AGR.",,76,Novel-Tip-7570,1704796871.0 +PurplePillDebate,192pgj4,Daily Community Chat Megathread,"This daily thread is designed to be a place for all the funny discussions on PPD. + +Feel free to post off-topic questions, information, points-of-view, personal advice and memes in this thread. Here you can post everything that doesn't warrant its own thread or just do some socializing. Personal advice posting, research posts, non-TOS breaking rants, links to other locations with limited context as conversation topics, and things would be considered low effort posts are allowed in the daily thread. + +**Do not bring other PPD threads into the daily thread. Do not post PPD threads deserving of their own post in the daily thread.** The intent of the daily thread is not that it should replace PPD and become a place where users can avoid the rules of the subreddit. Attempting to do this will be considered circlejerking and moderated as such. + +**Black Pill/Incel Content/Woe-Is-Me is still banned in the daily thread. Witch hunting and insults are also still banned in the daily thread. Relegated topics must still go to in the weekly threads for those topics.** + +Comments are automatically sorted by NEW - you can post throughout the day and people will see your comment. + +If you'd like to see our previous daily threads, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/search?q=subreddit%3APurplePillDebate+author%3AAutoModerator+Daily+Community+Chat+Megathread&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all)! + +&#x200B; + +[Please Join Us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/fr3PD9rf9K) Include your reddit username, pill color, age, relationship status, and gender when you get in to introduce yourself. + +&#x200B; + +Also find us on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/mrs.drgree/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MrsDrgree)!",,7,AutoModerator,1704834010.0 +PurplePillDebate,193nx1z,Is cheating in women ultimately a matter of time and place?,"One time I went to a small town in Ontario. The gas station convenience store was LITERALLY the size of a small kitchen. No joke. The cashiers were a man and a woman. They were pretty much squished up there together. They were not married to each other + +That got me thinking. Imagine that woman is married. Now imagine it's a long day at work, barely any customers coming by and she is suddenly horny. Since it's a very tightly packed convenience store, the man and the woman will be close to each other alot. + +Imagine she is leaning over the counter to rest, and the man walks behind her. While she is in her horny mood, she thinks about the man's presence behind her. She may not be a cheater, but in that moment of horniness she might imagine having sex with him + +Now imagine in that moment the man makes a move, or they accidentally touch. She will be overtaken by lust and at the very least indulge his touching for a few seconds. If it doesn't go further, this event will always be in her mind whenever she is horny at work next. She won't tell her husband because ""It was just an accident, nothing big"" + +Eventually she might cheat. She won't immediately cease all horny thoughts. She won't tell the guy that this is inappropriate. She will ignore it and hope it doesn't happen again... that is until it happens again + +Due to the privacy of their workspace, their physical closeness and the long hours before she can have sex with her husband, she will get horny and cheat. I'm not saying ALL women will cheat, but they WILL think about it. Trust me + +Now please, instead of replying emotionally, let's talk about it. Why do so many of these workplace cheating instances happen? + + +It can also boil down to how men and women orgasm. If a man is horny and tempted to cheat, he can just go jerk off in his car + + +If a woman is horny and tempted to cheat, she can't easily masterbate so she will need to actually have sex",,0,Consistent-Gur6932,1704932652.0 +PurplePillDebate,1929mg1,"Many people talk about toxic masculinity, but we rarely hear about toxic femininity.","""Toxic femininity"" is more common than people think, it's just that it takes a different form to ""toxic masculinity"". While toxic masculinity takes the form of aggression, toxic femininity takes the form of passivity. Which is why most women rarely take the initiative, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. So women's passivity in dating feeds men's aggressiveness. This passivity also makes it really easy for the powers that be to oppress women (which they have historically) and also easy for manipulative men to control them. + +While ""toxic masculinity"" takes the form of men suppressing their emotions and trying not to express them especially in relationships, ""toxic femininity"" tends to make women not have much control over their emotions (I'm sure many women will be triggered by this even though its true), which also encourages them to manipulate men with their lack of control over their emotions because once a woman starts crying, most men do whatever they can to make them stop, especially if they're in a relationship with them. + +""Toxic femininity"" and ""toxic masculinity"" are both results of social conditioning designed to keep men and women divided and always fighting each other, which makes it really easy for the people in charge to control humanity, believe it or not.",,56,Agreeable-Moment-760,1704787302.0 +PurplePillDebate,1922quk,Debating women's preferences won't lead to women changing them,"Debating women on their preferences won't lead to women changing them. + +I get that this is a debate forum but i cringe seeing so many men on here daily wasting hours debating women on their hard wired and often biological preferences. + +Guys, you can argue till you're blue in the face or red all over but it will not change a thing. Modern women's desires, preferences and choices are there own and no amount of pseudoscience, statistics or psychoanalysis will change this. + +If you have the wrong height, race, build, religon, status or income level you will never be able to logically talk a woman that doesn't want you into dating you or sleeping with you. The most you can do is to show her the benefits of being with you but even that has to be tempered because you don't want to create a dynamic where you are always chasing her validation. + +This is the biggest problem with men today. We are spending too much time complaining instead of taking action and finding out what works for each individual guy. I though that was what the red pill was supposed to be about, an avenue for men to get the results we desire. Instead it's just rage porn and complaining about women all day long. + + +In 2024, let's do better and leave the pointless arguments behind",,144,Wide-Illustrator2906,1704765076.0 +PurplePillDebate,1923ni5,Why attempt to change your partner’s lifestyle rather than just finding someone who matches yours?,"I see this sentiment thrown around a lot in this sub specifically. “When she’s dating me she has to stop clubbing, dressing provocatively, etc” - one thing that always confused me about this is, why try to change someone’s lifestyle? why not straight up just date someone who either dresses modestly, doesn’t like clubbing, doesn’t believe in friends of the opposite sex, etc? + + + +All of these preferences mentioned are fine in themselves, but it becomes odd when you expect others to change their lifestyle to fit your preferences.",,54,KayRay1994,1704767593.0 +RedPillWives,1ablrgm,I’m so tired of being stuck,"My [30F] boyfriend/fiance [26M, let’s call him M] have been together for a 6+ years. We kind of stumbled together when I was looking for someone to move in and share the bills. We had met about 5 months earlier, became sexually actively and hung out so much that when he offered to move in, it made sense (at the time). He was 20 years old and moved from a house of a bunch of guys. He had never been in a serious relationship and was overall very “green” in life. My relationship that ended before him was with a much older, physically abusive guy so when I met M, he was a breath of fresh air. He was so kind, the sweetest guy I ever met. We became close. + +About a month or two in, I realized that he kept coming up late on his portion of rent. It immediately infuriated me. I grew up very independent and responsible so I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t get his sh*t together. I grew very annoyed and became turned off. So much so, that I told him I want to start making myself available for other men. I told him I wanted an open relationship (in hindsight, I should have broken things completely off. But I was stupid and trying to find a “better” solution). He agreed to it. + +Within days, I was dating. A lot. While he…didn’t. We did this for years and it changed our relationship and quite frankly, him as well. I don’t think he ever actually dated or had sex with anyone during this time, but he did talk to women. + +Over the six years we’ve been together, we’ve bought and sold a home, traveled the country, lived in 6 different homes. We’ve grown so close and have shared a life together. In 2019, about two years into our relationship, he proposed to me. He always told me he wanted me to be his wife, since we met. I was always reluctant because he is very young, inexperienced and irresponsible. When he proposed, I broke down in tears. I was so depressed that he asked me but I didn’t know how to say no. Not to mention, I also hated the ring he got me. He never asked what I liked or anything. + +Even though we’ve done so much together, basically act married and have lived together, I have always been extremely turned off by his inability to provide and lead our household. He’s made the dumbest mistakes over the years - one got me in jail (as the responsible one, this tears me apart to this day and I struggle finding a way to forgive him) and the other got the home we lived in (that I purchased) destroyed by two 17 year old meth heads he allowed to rent our basement. I didn’t want to live there after and the home got sold just one year later. His mistakes have been so detrimental to my life and every day, I crave being with someone who I can trust to lead us and makes good decisions. I know no one is perfect and I love him to pieces. These are literally our only issues. + +I got the strength to leave him in 2022 when our open relationship led to me meeting someone who asked me to marry him (I said yes). I was exhausted with not having the life and relationship I wanted, having to lead someone who couldn’t help me if I was in need. I sold the home and moved out the state to be with this man, only to find out it wasn’t the relationship I wanted. So I came back to the state I lived in and M was there with open arms. I moved in with him. By this point, he realized how important it was for me to be with a man who can provide and lead. I haven’t had to pay a bill since and he has been trying. I even told him the ring I want and he has been trying his hardest to save up for it. He loves me so much and does anything in his power to make me happy. But he’s so different now. I think the years of rejecting him has made him angry. He’s lost his charm. His optimism about life. When we used to disagree, we could just talk about it. I always loved that we could communicate. Now he yells, he started calling me names when he’s angry (like stupid and dummy). He never spoke to me this way before. + +I love this guy so much, we have so much history together (some of us it horrible though and idk how to get past it), and we know each other relatively well. But for six years, I’ve grown tired of him and daily fantasize about being in a relationship with someone who hadn’t ruined parts of my life. Someone who can provide the life I want. Just starting over. Coming from two generations of women who are unmarried, I really wanted a different outcome for myself. I want a traditional marriage. I want to be a homemaker. He agrees to it and is willing to work toward it but now that I’m 30, I’ve been in a career I don’t enjoy waiting for M to give me the green light to quit but he’s not as driven as I am and just straight up doesn’t set goals and aggressively works toward them. He just says he wants to do things and just doesn’t do them lol. I end up doing most things like travel and going out alone because he’s just so cringe to me and I’m always anxious he is going to mess something up. Like I’d rather me alone and know things will go smoothly. I know that bothers him but it’s so necessary to my mental peace. + +I am trying to figure out if my gut has been right for years and I need to cut my losses and just leave. Or if I’m being too demanding, impatient and unreasonable and should keep working at this like married people do. Would I be a cop out for leaving a man who would give me the world if he could because he can’t do it now? Or am I right for pursuing the life i want with one of the several suitors I’m approached my on a regular basis? Am I too optimistic for thinking he will grow up and mature? Or is this something most men just go through? When he does get his stuff together, will he resent me for being so unhappy for so long? He already tells me he knows he isn’t good enough for me (this usually comes up in arguments and it comes from him, not me). I’ve been stuck for so long because I’m scared of making a decision I regret. I’ve thought about just getting my own place and dating, something I’ve never done (I’ve never lived alone) so it honestly intimidates the hell out of me and I know it shouldn’t. I’m too old for this lol. + +I know this is a mess but I am asking that you please give sound and kind advice. I’m already stressed and have been dealing with this dilemma for YEARS. I am literally emotionally drained. + +Bonus - if there are any ladies out there that have had a similar story, can you please share what you did. + +TL DR - Would I be a cop out for leaving a man who would give me the world if he could because he can’t do it now? Or am I right for pursuing the life i want? + +It’s very hard to sum up our crazy relationship in a paragraph but I tried my best. Feel free to ask more questions if more context is needed. + +Any advise, insight, stories are welcome. I just ask that you all don’t be unnecessarily rude. Thank you.",,7,[deleted],1706285101.0 +RedPillWives,198vwu9,Coping with the past,"For context my husband and I have been married 17 years. We’ve got 4 kids. + +Our second oldest isa strong willed 13 year old. I’ve been dealing with his massive tantrums since he was 2. When he hit 7/8 I realized they weren’t normal tantrums. When he was younger my husband and I thought spanking was the way to go since that’s how we were raised and many of the parenting books we had read backed that up. + +My husband didn’t believe me. And it was blamed on me. So I would call and explain how our child was hitting me and pushing and kicking and all of those *wonderful* things. And it was my fault. I wasn’t being firm enough or spanking enough or there must have been something I was doing that was causing that OR it wasn’t as bad as I was saying it was. My husband didn’t seem to have the same issues. So when I would talk about counseling or medication he would brush it off. + +Why is this coming up now? Because while my son doesn’t go quite a crazy he has his moments and last night was one of them. My husband finally had realized how hard our son is however with no acknowledgment of how he treated me regarding our son’s behavior. And for whatever reason last night and this morning I’m very upset about it. + +When we moved into our home 7 years ago my husband had an OCD episode and then got very angry with me (this period last about 12-18 months). About how I don’t keep up my role as a wife the way he keeps up his role as a husband. And I was so upset about it for a long time until I relented and said “fine I was a bad wife you should be angry”. I took responsibility for the things I attributed to the marriage. + +But when I look back… I realize I did do things. I did a lot of things that went totally unnoticed or even demeaned that I was doing it all wrong. I was managing a home and family and trying to keep everything together while my husband totally lost it for a year. I was homeschooling 2 kids and had a toddler and a newborn. My oldest has dyslexia and I was going through all the hoops to get a diagnosis and tutoring. I never asked my husband for help with any of that. Our middle child was losing it because the change of moving house triggered his outrages and tantrums big time (not only did I not have help with this my husband was telling me how it wasn’t happening and I was doing everything all wrong). + +Anytime I’ve ever brought any of this up… I am still wrong. I wasn’t cleaning the house properly. I gained weight. So yes according to my husband he shouldn’t have yelled at me, but he is still justified in his anger. But it still seems like he has *zero* idea of what I went through emotional and how much of it was *cause directly by his actions*. + +I’ve apologized profusely and changed so so many things to adjust and become more of what he expected from a wife. I’ve gone through no affection (and still barely any affection) and essentially feeling worthless like I can’t do anything right. + +things are going well between us right now. They have been for a few months. I’ve been following a lot of the Laura Doyle skills. But then last night all of this was triggered in me. And I realize if I bring any of this up it will be an argument and I will hear about all of the things I did wrong. And my husband says his responsibility is that he is the man and shouldn’t have allowed me to get away with my behavior for as long as he did (not keeping the house clean and overspending the budget). So essentially even in that it’s back in what I was doing wrong and he just didn’t stop me from doing it. + +Anytime things get good between us these sorts of things just start coming up from deep inside my brain and my gut (I don’t know how else to explain where it comes from but just this feeling in the pit of my stomach). + +I don’t know - I just don’t know how to cope and out those things in the past and enjoy what I have now. + +Also for the last 18 months or so I’ve been taking care of my mom who has cancer. In September we were told it was terminal. I’ve been in a free fall ever since. Being burned out and sad and all the things. It hit a point where I have bee depressed and just going through the motions. I realize I’ve been depressed And I’ve been pushing through it. I mention it to my husband and he gets upset because “I have his dream life”. I get to work part time and otherwise stay at home with the kids. He then explains I’ve struggled with this for the whole marriage I just couldn’t see it. I know I have a tendency to get depressed. I know all my shortcomings - I promise you. I know I am 180 pounds when I should be 125/130. I know I have adhd and mu house is way messier then it should be. I get it. I also know I do contribute and have contributed to our marriage and family. It just absolutely doesn’t get acknowledged and if I ask for it I get told why I shouldnt (or if I ask for sex more often or more affection). + +But again - it’s peaceful. There’s no arguing. It’s happy between us. I don’t know. I feel like I can’t be happy and anytime I try I start thinking about whay happened and why I shouldn’t be happy. Or that it all needs to be resolved before I can be happy. + +as an aside: my mom‘s most recent scans a few weeks ago show no evidence of cancer in her lungs and her prognosis has totally changed at this point :)",,10,anothergoodbook,1705496119.0 +RedPillWives,198cb9x,Maintaining Attraction While Nursing,"Im posting here as this is really and truly a married/partnered women problem and I am seeking advice from that perspective. How do you go about maintaining desire while breastfeeding a baby? + +From a biological perspective, nursing a baby floods the female body with tons of oxytocin to help bond mother and baby. This is the same hormone system that is used in pair bonding for women, and it is the rush of oxytocin that we get from orgasms that women tend to crave when wanting sex. Several aspects of intimacy (skin to skin, eye contact, nipple stimulation) stimulate oxytocin, and generally, craving those things from your man comes across as genuine sexual interest (because it is on a very biological level). + +So while nursing, my body is full of oxytoxin already from nursing around the clock. Even though I find my man attractive and am very responsive to when he is interested, I just find that I have little to no spontaneous desire for sex myself. + +So is my only solution to fake interest and just remind myself to initiate until Im done nursing and that craving desire returns? Or is there something I can do to increase my spontaneous desire? + +Note: my partner is not unhappy with the situation, hes very understanding, but I know it means a lot when I initiate and genuine desire is important.",,6,Purple-Poppins,1705435287.0 +RedPillWives,195rk0o,RPW Resources?,"Hello friends and Happy Saturday! + +Many RPWs share “The Surrendered Wife” and the Bible as a go-to resource for both ourselves and when asked by someone to learn more about our lifestyle. Are there any other resources you would recommend that help teach and expand on Tradwife theories? + +For context, I have a friend who is not an RPW but is very interested in learning more. Every question she asks me just further confirms the reputation about us and stereotypes about being a RPW/Tradwife are so offbase. + +Her: But you are rare right? A tradwife that works outside the home? + +Me: I wouldn’t say rare, especially in this economy (ha!). That doesn’t change our belief that the role as a wife are domestic duties and caretaking, femininity, emotional rearing of the children, and most importantly to maintain the patriarchal structure in our family. It’s important that beyond these principles, you and your husband determine what works best for where you are in life. + +So it got me thinking, what else would I recommend for her to learn more? + +Your ideas are greatly appreciated! + +Edit: I’ve decided the Bible as a “go to resource” is an overstatement and biased towards my own religion. ",,1,Jcrystal82,1705162691.0 +RedPillWives,194lkvt,How did you master The Art Of STFU?,"I am tired of nagging and criticizing and sighing and having a bad attitude. My husband has had it. Something needs to change because my marriage is suffering. +Please give me all your advice on how you learned to stfu. I don’t just want to be good at it for one or two days. I want it to be a part of who I am, for the benefit of everyone in our family. +I’ve read The Surrendered Wife when we got married but it’s been almost 10 years now and I’ve still so much to work on and improve. + + *edit:* I just got permanently banned from a motherhood subreddit for posting on redpillwomen.. what is wrong with reddit?",,45,JesusBBackSoon,1705031685.0 +RedPillWives,18t4pda,"Long time commenter, my first post","Hello all, + +I’ve been thinking of how to turn this vent into asking for a positive actionable solution. + +I am a RPW who is white collar hes blue collar (not a plumber) - we are very rural. I was raised by a single mother and I’m also the eldest sibling so my biggest hurdle has and always will be letting him lead. I’ve done very well as we’ve grown together throughout our marriage but this 1 thing is still a struggle and happens to be occurring today. + +11pm - what’s that weird sound coming from the bathroom? + +1am- bathroom flooded wall caving in I have a flashlight and headlamp on searching for how to turn to water to the house off outside (note to self learn basic house maintenance helper things like turning off the water). + +And now, my husband is outside w the neighbor, saying words I don’t know, I’m filling buckets of water to keep toilets flushed for the fam….and lunch, and trying to put disgusting towels in a full washing machine that can’t be used. I just want to yell CALL THE PLUMBER FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST CALL.THE.PLUMBER.- am I crazy? There is a problem….call the expert to fix the problem? + +I suggesting this very casually “I hope we aren’t going to need a plumber for this!” And he responds with “me too…” mission failed. + +How do those with DIY men convince them it’s time to call in the professionals? SOS!",,7,Jcrystal82,1703797963.0 +RedPillWives,18q4w3x,The Boulgogi Coup has been cancelled because my SIL just rolled MILs truck.,"She's fine. She is at a great hospital. She broke a couple bones. The truck is of course totalled. I'm waiting for the next update. DH just asked me ""so, do you think we can vacpac and freeze all that marinating meat?"" For all you reading this - It sounds a LOT worse than it is. This is par for the course for her. She is on probation for a DUI and this is not her first ""probation violation"" That being said.... + +\*deep breath\* + +Yep. My strong ""I don't need no man and am not sure who my baby daddies really are"" SIL (who is currently on probation for a DUI) just stopped what I think would have been an epically hilarious petty but positive revenge Christmas. + +For all of you who were waiting to see what happened? I am just as disappointed as you. + +I'm going to go pour myself a rum and coke and..... appreciate this Karmic intervention. + +Any one know how long you can keep boulgogi in it's marinade in the freezer? I'm not opposed to trying again next year! ;) + +&#x200B; + +Merry Christmas y'all + +&#x200B;",,14,IWTTYAS,1703455249.0 +RedPillWives,18p2wm1,Grace: The Key To True Femininity,"**Grace: What is it?** + +I have been reflecting upon this recently, ***Grace*** is the key to channeling femininity within yourself. + +>**It is a way of being that allows you to surrender.** + +This is not a surrender as in to not do anything about something entirely (not always), but to be less active in situations and let things come to you, as well as acting with gentleness. + +In today's society, women are basically groomed to be masculine, especially in mindset and communication. Wherever you look, there's strong and mouthy female characters, and the actresses behind them also encourage this behaviour. Our mothers could also be raised by generations scarred by the 70s, men and have aggress/defensive characters, now it's become quite normal. + + +**Grace: Where is it?** + +Some women still have such femininity, though they were more common decades ago, like in movies up to the 60s, and grandmothers who were brought up in traditional homes/cultures.Think Marilyn Monroe, Julie Andrews and in both films and real life: Audrey Hepburn. + +They speak gently and move with elegance, they aren't easily argumentative and if they do assert themselves, it's with dignity and eloquence. I suppose grace has all these things.Even in the way they move and deal with challenges, there is grace. + +They aren't completely helpless but they are clever, choose words carefully and deal with things by avoiding aggression (unless in emergencies).**They bring joy and brightness in the lives of those around them, rather than negativity.** + + +**Grace: How do I...?** + +First, it starts with mindset. Think about your thoughts and reactions to good and bad things. Stop and 'reroute' your thinking towards **gentleness and surrender.** Directions such as: + +>***'How can I make this situation lighter/easier?'*** +> +>***'Do I really need to do something right now or can I just see what happens?'*** +> +>***'Can I respond in a subtle but assertive way?'*** + +&#x200B; + +Let me show you some examples in different situations: + +Good/normal situations + +1. *You're doing your chores but it doesn't feel like you're getting through a lot.*Ungraceful: Mentally complain and keep doing them, maybe even call someone to rant about it.**Graceful:** Set a good song/show/audiobook that lightens your mood and distracts you. Set a reward and then joyfully claim it when you're done. +2. *You're in a call with your friend and she explains to you her mixed day.*Ungraceful: Teasing and saying a funny but mean comment about something she doesn't like, so you two bond about it. Swearing when you are feeling something extreme.**Graceful:** Listening with empathy and giving warm understanding. Encouraging her to look at things in a good light and developing gratitude. Complimenting her honestly. +3. *You're nervous about a date tonight.*Ungraceful: Call all your friends and analyse all the messages between you and your date. Start filling the silence during the date with topics you think are 'interesting'.**Graceful:** Distract yourself during the day before the date and set a good mood through scents/music/atmosphere as you're getting ready, to calm you. Embrace the silence and smile kindly, allowing him to speak in turn. + +Bad situations + +1. *Your mother/father criticises you about something you're doing in your life.*Ungraceful: Talk back and also criticise them back, even with a comment that is true.**Graceful:** Tell them that they are being hurtful, clearly but without a hostile tone and state that while they're allowed to think what they think, that you'll draw boundaries here and not continue the conversation if they do not stop. +2. *You get catcalled in the street.*Ungraceful: Make a rude gesture/comment back to show them.**Graceful:** Act like it didn't even happen and find something in the moment that makes you smile/happy (maybe a nice Instagram account, a hilarious clip, something cute). +3. *Your SO is in a bad mood about something and does not wish to share and talk.*Ungraceful: Badgering him continuously with questions so that you know what the issue is.**Graceful:** Asking him and if he still refuses to share, assuring him you respect that and reminding him that you're there should he need it, in the way he thinks is best. + + +**Remember...** +Grace is not easy, especially in this modern world because most women may not even know what it is. You would rarely see it and barely have examples.So give yourself time to allow yourself to be graceful, to stop and take initiative before you react. + + +>The more you ***choose grace***, the easier and more natural it becomes, until you don't need situations anymore. + +Grace becomes your default. +When you act and think with grace, life becomes less a struggle because you're not fighting/being defensive about everything, and since you bring joy everyone around you is more happy to help you, deepen relationships with you and think well of you. +I hope this is helpful, and that grace enters your life. + +&#x200B; + +xx +ThatStepford Gal + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B;",,38,ThatStepfordGal,1703327225.0 +RedPillWives,18otlju,Two women who can't cook are gonna shove bread into a bird's butt and we're gonna die. (Do I through a Boulgogi Coup on Christmas?),"I need some help. Do I bring Boulgogi to Christmas? + +EDIT - THROW. I'm thinking of throwing a Boulgogi Coup + +I don't know where else to ask and think some of you can add some thoughts. + +My MIL and SIL are special. + +I have been with my DH for 18 years. His family dosen't Turkey or Ham on Christmas. They do something THEY call Boulgogi. It is NOT. It's rice and raw meat strips they chuck straight into the pot with water. They boil the strips in the water until the rice is blown and then dump soy sauce into it until it's brown. + +I can make Boulgogi. I make Boulgogi at home for us every few months. I had a neighbor who taught me to cook some Korean dishes. + +I have never said a word, offered to help, stepped in, corrected, or even touched their Faux-gogi while they're cooking. I also have a cast iron gut so I choke it down every year. Whatever. I'm a guest. I'm not saying anything. + +Every year is the What should I bring? question. Every year I'm told to bring something that goes with Boulgogi. I've suggested things and no matter what I say the answer is the same ""oh - whatever you want to be bothered to make"" + +I've done eggrolls.""Why did you bring those - no one in this family eats egg rolls"" + +I brought Kimchee ""What on earth is that? Oh - that's that rotten cabbage crap!"" I also had cucumber Kimchee and the response was ""Rotten cucumbers! Even better!"" + +I've done rice paper puffs with the little ones. ""OH! That's how they make styrofoam"" + +This has happened for 18 years. + +Today the call comes ""We are starting Christmas at Noon on Monday. Oh - and SURPRISE! We're doing a Turkey with stuffing! + +HOUSTON - WE HAVE A PROBLEM - RED ALERT - ALL HANDS ON DECK! + +The first Thanksgiving I attended we ate Pizza. They eat pizza on thanksgiving because a Turkey is too hard to make. I make a Turkey every couple months because why not? And told them that. They have voluntold me yearly that I bring Turkey to Thanksgiving. I never bring a whole turkey. I bring it already carved. It's always a hit and I often get the ""he married you for your Turkey"" line (which I find sweet.) + +My SIL and MIL can not cook. They do not own a meat thermometer. I have seen them undercook pounded chicken breast on a gas BBQ grill (which I really did NOT think was possible) If something comes in a can they use the entire contents of the can. Green beans? Why drain em! There's salt in that water. The water gives it flavour. + +Monday I'm going to be walking into a food inspectors nightmare. I listened to the voice mail twice. She said a Turkey with Stuffing. + +**Y'all, two women who can't cook are gonna shove bread cubes into a bird's butt and we're gonna die.** + +The 40 year tradition has ended. It's Turkey time. I have packed an emergency meat thermometer. I did buy a couple packs of cookies that they mentioned I could bring for Dessert. I also have 2 boxes of Stove Top to replace the goo I know I'm going to have to unspackle from the inside of a sketchy temped bird. + +Here is where I need your help. I am hinging my hope on these words + +>*Tell your wife she can bring whatever she wants.* If she can, we need a couple packs of cookies for the kids! + +I want to bring Boulgogi. Just a small crock and my rice cooker I want to play the ""just so we can say the tradition has been uninterrupted for 41 years if we go back to it next year"" card with some condiments (think a jar of kimchee, some sprouts, spicy mayo, etc) + +I'm really doing this for anyone who isn't a fan of whatever will happen during the ""great Turkey Experiment of 2024"" I want a back up plan. + +I brought this up to my DH and he said he loved the idea. I want to make enough for a few adults and any kiddos who's parents are not a fan of under cooked poultry. He wants me to make a Boulgogi BackUp. + +My MIL and SIL are going to be awful people no matter what I do - If I bring Boulgogi in any quantity they are going to throw a fit. + +If I don't we might end up with bagged salad, brown and serve rolls out of the bag, and half frozen pies. (They're cooked! It says so on the box. Heating the apple pie in the oven is OPTIONAL. You can put it in the microwave if you need to.) + +I will be also be tasked with fixing whatever they did, if possible, regardless. + +(I sound awful, I know. I am not ""better than"" them and I'm not trying to say I am. I just have a skill set that's been more refined than theirs.) + +If I call my MIL to run this by her for approval she will say yes then she's going to turn this into a ""Your wife just called to tell me that I can't cook"" thing and DH is likely to tell her ""She's right"" + +There will be fall out if people like my version of Boulgogi but I really don't care. I want food that's safe to eat. + +Which option to I pick? Do I lean in hard on the ""but it's tradition"" excuse and bring it? If so, where is the line where I can say it was made ""just to continue the tradition"" vs 'I brought a back up meal"" + +For argument's sake 12 people over 16 plus 3 under 5. + +&#x200B; + +Help? Good idea? Bad idea? Don't do it? + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B; + +&#x200B;",,15,IWTTYAS,1703292548.0 +RedPillWives,18n9pkk,"Stay at home wives, what do you wear in winter that is comfortable yet feminine?","I am at a loss. We moved somewhere really cold this year and I'm having trouble dressing like I used to enjoy. Because it's cold all I want to wear is yoga pants and sweatshirts around the house. I'm not against pants but I really need to switch it up some because I have been feeling terrible about my style lately + +So what are y'all wearing that is both comfortable, attractive, feminine, and warm? Especially if you can recommend me some links to dresses etcs I know a good combo is a maxi dress+ sweater but I'm having trouble finding any ones I like online. 😢",,22,Easywintergardening,1703118477.0 +RedPillWives,18jeds9,That Stepford Gal Gets Married: Microwedding Style!,"Greetings ladies, + +I cannot begin to even express my absolute excitement knowing that by January (last week), ***I'm going to be married and a Mrs.!*** +I know some of you had seen my earlier story and so the last few weeks had been spent running about getting this wedding sorted and rolling. I write this to update you all, as well as kindly ask for any tips/advice as I've never really planned a wedding before? + +We both want a small, quick wedding that is still intimate and special, with inner family - this is because we're both quite introverted and generally are more excited about married life than a wedding itself. Also, we're saving for a house and hoping for a baby soon. +As long as it's in a church and has everyone we really care about, it's wonderful. + +Some basics: + +\- **Guests**: We have 60 guests, mostly his family as he has more and 10 from mine + +\- **Church**: We're getting married in a Catholic Church as I am Catholic, and the liturgy and vows are all done! + +\- **Invites**: Everyone knows, invites had been done and soon to be given to guests, liturgy booklets coming + +\- **Hair**: Hair appointment has been set + +\- **Rings**: Rings bought already + +&#x200B; + +Things I'm still chasing up: + +\- **Dress shopping**: Goodness I'm struggling to Google bridal shops that hire and not just buy! + +\- **Makeup**: My hair lady still needs to refer me to someone! + +\- **Photographer/Videographer**: She says she is free, but is taking ages to reply/confirm anything + +\- **Lunch**: No reception, just somewhere decent we can seat everyone for a meal after the ceremony, then we all go home + +&#x200B; + +Thank you for any advice, I'm just simply happy to share this all with you - I'm so looking forward to becoming a loving, caring wife and to a family life together...",,6,ThatStepfordGal,1702685640.0 +RedPillWives,17y2lfi,I am back. Everything I learned.,"Greetings everyone! + + +I know there's been many changes and updates since the last time I was so involved about 5 years ago, but if anyone here remembers [the series and little things I've written](https://thatstepfordgal.wordpress.com/about/) \- hi and I'm back! + +I've been lurking around all these years so I never really was gone, but I hesitated to share and write anything, because so many things were happening to me at that time. + +I became known those years ago, writing about relationships and traditional dynamics, all the way up until 2020. +I was embarrassed. +Around 2018, I had broken up from my ex at the time, it was mutual and stemmed from many issues that had grown in the relationship - mainly related to his family and lacking boundaries that we both admit had taken its toll. +I didn't feel that I was in any way ready to speak about relationships and what I wrote about. +I believed in the same things - and still do - but struggled to be a testament to it in my own life. So I stopped. I read and listened here but did not write. +While I have no negative feelings towards my ex, it set me into a direction where I would be single for a while. In that whole time up to now, I grew in so many ways, I moved out from home (but still lived small and dedicated myself to homemaking, not working full-time), travelled a bit and lived by myself too until I met...my current fiancé. + + +Yes, I chose to start now at this specific time, I wanted to be able to write this in confidence, about all the things I learnt these years - adding even more to all the values I held and shared here at RPW... + + +***Lessons Learned*** + + +1. **Be harsher in your dating.** +I cannot stress this enough but in 5 years, many dates and guys I have met - this world is getting more difficult than ever in fostering good men who have traditional values and really care for their girlfriends/wives. +Do not tolerate anyone who isn't generous and thoughtful, lacks initiative in any way and is unclear about what they want in relationships. +I'm not saying just choose someone who will 'give it to you straight' as some crazier guys who are traumatised can be too blunt about that and have no social awareness. +I'm saying watch everything that he does and the intention behind it. +Does he look to split the bill the second date because it's your turn? Bye. +Does he not reply in a timely way and doesn't think about the way that can come across? Bye. +Does he say negative things about kids and families? Bye. +I don't want to be discouraging but I was already strong in my standards and beliefs AND it still took a while. There are too many women who are too relaxed about it and waste even more time, dragging yucky, low-value relationships longer. +You are seeing the best someone can show you at the start, and if it's not that great - and not thoughtful as in they're considerate about you and want to know you - next. +'Just give him another chance' is a terrible excuse 99% of the time. +2. **Get therapy asap.** +I was so lucky to have a close friend who shared a similar background to me, recommend a therapist who at the start already connected amazingly with me. Understood my background, values and could see the way I think well. +I underwent Behavioural Cognitive Therapy. +This specific therapy helps you understand how you think and how you can sometimes give yourself more stress and torment when you think in ways that are too limiting and based around trauma. +Though I didn't have anything too major going on when I first started, it's still a great idea because it helped me improve my mindsets to create a more stress-free life, it could resolve things that always bothered me every now and then in my childhood and taught me to set boundaries. +Additional it also ignited an interest in psychology - I started learning how to handle conflicts better, different relationship approaches and be a better listener - all great skills if you want to be a great girlfriend/wife/mother to your Captain +3. **Understand and then embody** ***Grace.*** +What is grace, what the heck am I talking about? +As those who would have read my initial series and writings, you can easily get a sense I am quite opinionated and strong in my beliefs. I am traditional but you can almost see in my tone I am quite blunt and masculine in those ways - combined that with a hostile dating scene and you have the recipe for defensiveness and bitterness. +At some stage I was actually considering stopping, thinking maybe this isn't the direction for me and becoming a real nun! +Grace is what changed me. +I would define **Grace as a feminine embodiment that allows you to be in the moment, to not assert what you want to voice but instead be more receptive and see what reveals itself to you instead**. +It's hard to describe, but does it make any sense? +It's resting in your self, accepting your womanhood and simply watching how everyone interacts with you - not feeling like you need to give any 'impression', as feminism teaches you to look aggressive and 'strong'. +To me, it was learning to keep silent when there were gaps in conversation in dates, smiling more and asking questions as a better listener. +Truly allowing him to suggest ideas and lead you along for the ride. +Being grateful and thankful but also rejecting kindly when something doesn't feel right. +Sometimes it also manifests in how you move, not rushing to get anywhere, not using a loud voice and letting chances where you need help come up...but not rushing to assist yourself when he can do it for you (ie. crossing the road and he leads you, walking at night, etc). +Grace is difficult to embody when you're not used to it, but it sets you at ease and inspires a good man to be even better - then he becomes so proud in himself that he is a great man to you! + + +It's been a crazy ride in all these years and I'm happy to say I will be sharing again. + +I'm so excited! + +In the last year I met someone truly special, who is an independent thinker in his right, absolutely kind and protective - he values his family and inner circle, which is small. +He is also such a thoughtful person who takes responsibility in all that he does. He loves in all that he is. +It started at this time last year, a few dates in and we simply knew. I lived alone then and in some months we came together. He respected how I lived my life and even appreciated it more, since in his family it was common too, women looked after the home more in general while the men had bigger careers. +In that sense, we began life together sharing a roof, he works full-time while I'm about 0.6-7 and I look after everything at home. Especially him when he's quite tired from his demanding job. +Thus we have a warm, nurturing space and now some months into living together - he asked the question! +At this age and stage, we both know we'd like to spend life together and what we'd like to grow and bring about in that life. +So - nuptial plans are going to be incoming! +I am so incredibly happy to say, we're now also trying for our first baby. + + +RPW, thank you for being there this whole time, even if you felt I wasn't around, I was. +Being a great space for women to feel understood, heard and to learn, so they can have enriched, fulfilling lives - I know it took me a bit and I'm sorry about that, but count me in again. +There's sooo many things I'd like to write about again (maybe relationship values? homemaking tips? life experiences?), I want to share and support everyone here! You'll be hearing more from me soon... + + +&#x200B;",,25,ThatStepfordGal,1700298684.0 +RedPillWives,17xuwas,"Red Pill Wives, are you still there? Check in!",Pretty much the title. Don't make me feel all alone. 😥,,26,RedditVirgin555,1700270830.0 +RedPillWives,16zs1gw,Seeking words of encouragement,"Here lately I don’t know what is into me… I am usually always the type of woman who loves my husband, loves serving him, loves tending to our children and loves making a home. + +However recently I’ve been so bitter and angry. I feel inconvenienced by my children, I’ve been holding onto little irritations I have with my husband, and I’ve been looking at my wife and motherhood duties as like a maid servant and misery more than a joy. + +I think part of me just looks at the women around me and I’m the only one who stays home and they all treat me like I’m a victim, like it’s so sad to be doing what I do. (These aren’t friends but rather family and in-laws) And I think over time it’s gotten to me. I think the issue is inside somewhere I worry im missing out and that im doing all of this for nothing but I miss enjoying what I do because I believe it’s important. Any advice or encouragement would be so appreciated.",,18,Bubbly_General_6100,1696437609.0 +RedPillWives,16yjyox,Where can I find a husband like this?,"Is there a certain dating site where these types of men congregate? I'm a divorced 30f (I did have biblical grounds, no I was not at fault). I would really love to be a SAHW or SAHM to a man who is actually faithful and I don't mind being submissive so long as I am treated with basic respect. I'm fine with letting him generally call the shots. I'm new here so please be kind! Thanks!",,32,the_catmom,1696312599.0 +RedPillWives,16g3bim,Total win during the weekend,"Yesterday we had a company BBQ hosted at our house. My husband runs a small GC company so it was a total of 5 employees (we have more but many couldn’t make it as it was a last minute event) with their wives and kids. +I spent the entire day cleaning, prepping, cooking and hosting the BBQ. All of my food was a complete hit. I had nothing leftover and even the wives were asking me to send them the recipes. I made sure I was attentive and receptive to people’s needs; refilled drinks, cleared the table when they were done with a dish, brought out Turkish coffee, handed out dessert. I was exhausted but it was worth the effort. +My husband is a “red-pill” man without the “red-pill”. He organically came to some of the ideas on his own and implemented it into his life. And one of the things I remember him telling me is that men care a lot of about status. A man’s wife is a direct representation of that. And last night he told he always knew he was lucky for having me as his wife and now he’s glad everyone saw it, too. + +Thank you, ladies. This group has helped me a lot in my relationship. Long time lurker turned poster. Keep safe and wish you all the best!",,41,KaptynEllie,1694457537.0 +RedPillWives,16eifbq,My husband and I are on different baby timelines.,"I hope this is an ok question to ask here. I’m newer to this page and appreciate any advice! + +Just some details. I (30) have been with my husband (31) for 6+ years. We got married in February. Everything is perfect, we’ve got married, bought our first house, saving so much and just enjoying the ‘simple life’. + +But, my biological clock is ticking and being a mom has always been my life’s desire. + +We are going on our honeymoon in January ‘24 and we’ve agreed that we don’t want me to be pregnant on the honeymoon. (I’m totally behind this!) So since we got married and have started to actively talk about babies, I really got in my head that I’ll get pregnant in ‘24, post honeymoon. + +I’ll admit, I got in over my head and got too excited. I’ve looked at nursery furniture, we’ve talked names, I’ve cleaned and donated so much to get organized. I feel like I’m already nesting and I’m just so ready to grow our family. (And I think we’re ready) + +So tonight I brought up lightly that I will be ovulating on our honeymoon and that we’ll either need to take precautions or….leave it up to fate. And he basically said that we have to sort out our career concerns first. (Long story short, I own a company that could have an impact on our future finances and life flexibility.) + +I know that timeline wise this career concern will be solved in February of ‘25. But, ladies, I cannot imagine waiting until 2025 to start trying. I’ve kept my mouth shut and I understand his concerns (and I agree they’re valid), but I truly don’t know how to patiently wait another year longer then originally planned or help him understand that biologically a year makes a big difference when you’re 30.",,14,[deleted],1694297439.0 +RedPillWives,16b9c42,Should I ask for flowers or wait?,"Hi so I (f23) got into a relationship recently with a guy - hes my age basically we’re born the same year. I really like him and when we’re out he will get me food or something cute i see :) + +There was one time at the grocery where he made a joke about how he spends alot on me but usually he doesnt complain. He did say hes gonna save for his own place as he lives with his sister at the moment. + +Anyways its why ive felt bad at the thought of asking him for flowers, our one month anniversary (which im not sure if he knows) is coming up but we are long distance right now and idk i keep craving flowers from him? It just makes me sad that hes not gotten them yet he knows my favourite ones but maybe he’s waiting for a special occasion idk. + + +Should i communicate or just wait? I dont want to keep feeling sad or weird bc of this + +edit - i have told him and pointed out cute flowers that i like :’))) + +Update - asked more clearly, i think it was positive 💕",,1,onogomo,1693970835.0 +RedPillWives,16a8k06,About to have our 7th child.,"My due date was Friday and I’m so miserable. :( +Send positive vibes while I wait to go into labor. Praying for a safe delivery for me and baby.",,23,foxymama98_,1693872234.0 +RedPillWives,15zadg0,Can definetly recommend listening to some tunes to make cleaning less boring :) Nature Ambience does it for me (to counter the stress),,https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Q84EeYgQ2hWgnxF7luDuv,11,TheTownJeweler,1692811396.0 +RedPillWives,15i3kli,What would the “Surrendered Wife” approach be to husband’s excessive porn use?,"I read Doyle early on in our marriage (we’re 28F and 47M) and was so excited to be in that kind of marriage. I’m a SAHM and we have 2 babies under 2. I do 100% of the cooking and cleaning. He spoils me financially and in our lives, always picking up projects to make me happy and make my dreams come true. He’s extremely affectionate and compliments me often, loves to cuddle and spend time together. + +From the time I got pregnant with my first, sex has been an issue. I just never felt desired and would be frequently turned down. He’s loving and treats me like his queen in most ways, except in the bedroom. I could walk into the room naked and he wouldn’t even glance up. He doesn’t try to remove my clothes during sex and has almost never touched my breasts/genitals/butt etc in a way indicating that he’s attracted to me. I’ve surprised him with his favorite fantasy roleplay costumes, I’ve offered him head EVERY morning, I’ve done romantic bubble bath massage things and he just goes to sleep, I’ve tried texting nudes.. If you name it I’ve tried it. Basically the only times he’s been excited about sex has been trying to conceive. + +I swallowed this because he always said it was stress, work, aging, tired, busy, depressed, something different every time. I thought maybe it was age and didn’t want to be the younger partner blaming him. + +Then I found the porn. + +And I scrolled back and it all made sense. + +Almost every day going back months and years he’s been watching porn and I had no idea. Watching while I slept, while I took care of the babies, while he was supposedly working in his home office. Watching extremely skinny and perfect girls. Watching girls who look younger than me and like they’ve never had babies. I was fucking crushed and we fought for months. + +I read a ton about porn addiction and sent him all the studies. I begged him to cool it. I told him I would be available and enthusiastic any time possible, I would focus all my efforts on weight loss and fitness, get whatever hairstyle or a tummy tuck or boob job or whatever it is he needs to want me instead but it WILL NOT WORK if he’s desensitizing his brain with infinite novelty every day. I told him I will do my part but he has to do his. + +We had a few false starts where he talked about stopping but didn’t explicitly promise and I’d find he never stopped, and he’d weasel out of it - say he didn’t realize I wanted him to, or he just forgot and clicked on it out of habit without realizing it or didn’t think it counted if he was just using it to get to sleep while he was on a business trip and I wasn’t there anyway, or he just watched it to get ideas of things to try with me and wasn’t getting turned on by it, etc. So I finally cornered him and got it explicitly in writing - no porn for 1 month, whatsoever, while we work on our sex life. He promised, in writing. + +I checked today and looks like he made it 7 days before caving. I didn’t tell him I knew, just asked how the no porn was going and he said great. Btw, he’s making an effort with flowers and compliments but in terms of feeling him want me, the sex has not improved. + +Clearly my attempts are failing. I don’t want to be the porn police or try to control him. I want to go back to the beginning and win him over softly. I’ve tried SHOWERING him in affection, pampering him, being super fun and getting us out doing things, offering as much new and exciting sex as I can fit into our day utilizing babysitters and sleep training and screen time, but it doesn’t seem to be working. + +For instance, when he told me he was into the anime cosplay look I surprised him dressed up that way and even watched the specific videos he had watched even though it was painful so I could try to do the expressions/sounds etc he likes - literally with a 1 year old and 2 month old I made time to shave, moisturize, self tan, dress up, do makeup and hair, get everyone to nap at the same time — what ended up happening was that he didn’t finish, and hours later was on the ipad watching anime cosplay porn. Like wtf. + +Following his lead here scares me so badly but taking charge doesn’t seem to be working either. + +I vetted him well and read Fascinating Womanhood and Surrendered Wife and Empowered Wife all early and I just don’t know where to go from here.",,16,[deleted],1691163970.0 +RedPillWives,15gsrxl,reconsidering professional school,"hi, ive (23f) been thinking about this alot like a year off of school, i finished my first year of law school and i know i should be grateful to be here in a canadian school where its competitive to even get in 💜 + +its just in first year like many i felt very lost and sometimes isolated bc of some competitive/alienating peers and honestly the workload was a lot that i could only barely get used to if at all. i also have some mental health stuff that flared up but honestly i think 2nd yr is more chill and it flares up living at home wit parents sometimes anyways + +also i dont feel that the lawyer identity rly suits my personality but i do like helping people and know that its a versatile field! + +my worry is the debt, how would i handle a family or something or what if i wanted to stay home then what? i do think my hometown is the best for dating, not my school town - but honestly ive been healing and seeing results :) (emotionally unavailable parents and some scarring from covid times..) + + +maybe it would be worth it? i just like i feel like theres something to look forward to with school but also i will miss my coworkers from my summer job which im ending early for school. i think they are more likeminded although muchh more soft. obviously i have a bit of agression in me to be in this field + + +but idk should i stay for dating sake and also a break from school or should i just dive into more debt (not a crazy amount but substantial) ? +i do have friends at law school but it can be a weird environment, although it is getting better! + +thoughts?? i get scared of those posts kinda shaming higher educated girls im like what 😭 i dont want it to define me and i dont want to be seen as like this rich girl powrr couple thing idk, i feel like im soft on the inside yknow",,2,onogomo,1691033252.0 +RedPillWives,15gavva,WWYD: SAHM vs Nice Home,"Summary +My partner is earning triple my wage atm (own business) +I am on maternity for a year in the UK. Currently have a 3 month old +My work is 2 days WFH 3 days travelling 1.5hrs each way into London +We live 30m drive from parents, 1.5hrs by public transport (his parents dont drive) +We have a mini tesco at the end of our road, park for the dog, two nice pubs within 2 mins walking distance +Its a 5m drive to the highstreet we hardly go to which has 4 restraunts like pizza express, 3 supermarkets, hair dressers, costa, post office + + +Our current house +- we feel like we can't do much as we need to drive far to do anything +- 3 bedroom (2 small double rooms and box room as an office) +- Small alcove closet for our clothes +- My old triple wardrobe and chest of draws in our sons so we have more room for clothes as the closet has limited space. +- Kitchen is small and its got awkward cupboards etc. +- No space to utilise dining table. Currently used as extra sideboard space +- Eat off a coffee table in front room. Will have to try use dining table when son is older +- Living room is okay... small L shaped sofa with coffee table infront. Chest of draws one side of room, displqy cabinet the other and tv on opposite side. We can fit babys play mat in middle thats it +- Garden is decent. Got room for outdoor sofa and extra grass space for dog run for 2 seconds to get to other side aha +- downstairs toilet cubical +- Upstairs bathroom with bath and shower but its very tight +- Very limited storage + +We both would LOVE a more functional house but would also love me being a SAHM which will be easier if we stay here until hes at least 3 maybe + +But perks of moving +- closer to parents (ie. 10m or less) +- Closer to London (1hr public transport) which means easier for work and going to places for days out +- Bigger house (storage places, better kitchen space, actually have the chance to use a dining table, maybe more space for baby to play +- Will be in the right attachment area for school and can apply early +- Will be 10m or less to local hospital vs currently 30m + + +Its a lot to weigh up but we want to decide by March next year as we have 2 years on our fixed mortgage rate. After that it might increase dramatically and we want a slightly bigger loan on this current rate + +So WWYD? + +[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/15gavva)",,4,Funny_Garage3895,1690987739.0 +RedPillWives,15g1z6e,Therapist in the Way?,"Hi all, + +I have been a member of this forum for a few months now. I discovered Laura Doyle after I found out that my husband had been cheating on me and told me ‘I had not met his physical and emotional needs, so he became emotionally available to another woman’. + +I told him I wanted to work on the marriage, he told me he was too hurt and resentful so I asked him to leave the house. We’ve been separated now for almost 3 months. In that time, I’ve been practicing the intimacy skills. Self-care has been a life saver. I have been kind, patient and please-able. I definitely feel improvement in how we communicate. + +However, there has always been a huge barrier up with him and I have finally discovered what it is. He has been seeing the same therapist for almost 2 years now. Every time he sees this therapist, his whole personality changes. He repeats words and phrases he never usually uses. He accuses me of doing and saying things that are manipulative and controlling. I have since learnt that this therapist has a reputation for turning men on their wives and a number of his other clients are also recently separated from their ‘manipulative’ wives. + +So I really feel like it’s me and Laura Doyle versus this therapist! Do I double down on the skills or look into this therapist more? I worry that I don’t have a chance, even with the skills working so well, while this therapist is still turning my husband against me. + +Any help, advice or anyone in remotely the same situation please reach out. Feeling very discouraged at times, although I know the husband I love is still in there somewhere! + +Thank you ♥️",,5,LetAdventurous6007,1690961106.0 +RedPillWives,15aho8v,Meal Box Services are Improving my Relationships,"Over the past few months, I've been trying various meal box delivery services (the ones where you pick your recipes and they deliver you the ingredients to cook yourself). It's been a multi-faceted improvement to my life so I thought I would share my experience: + +###Financial: + +These programs are stupid expensive, typically ranging from $7-$10 a serving in my area. As the cook in our household and the one who's tracking the expenses, I'm not interested if I can't match grocery stores prices. Luckily, a lot of these programs run huge discounts when you first sign up. You can cancel once your first order ships fairly easily. + +Afterwards, these programs regularly email me and mail me discounts to come back. + +My personal price point for purchase is around $2 a serving. Otherwise, I go about my normal meal planning. I don't upgrade or do premium meals, but most have a decent basic selection. The default meat you get at this level is chicken breast, sausage, pork chops, or ground beef. + +My husband loves when I get a good deal! Frugality is really important to him and it makes him feel appreciated when I can keep our food costs down. + +###Social: + +A lot of these boxes come with a ""free box for newcomers"" coupon that you can give to friends and family. Then when their box comes, it often has another free coupon inside! I share with two other women, and it's been fun to talk about what companies and recipes we've liked. Anything that gives me a reason to hang out with the people I love and share tips on saving money is a win. + +Note on the free boxes: You can also sometimes trick the system into thinking you're a new sign-up, provided you use a new email and modifying your address (changing drive to dr.) + +###Personal enjoyment: + +The food is enjoyable and about as complex as what I normally make. Typically takes 30-60 minutes and uses the stove/oven. It's nice to be able to skip meal planning from time to time (does this count as self-care?). + +When I have leftovers, I like to freeze them for my husband to have for lunch another day. He really enjoys these lunches, as I normally am too swamped with the kids to cook much at lunchtime. The meals are fairly healthy so it boosts his mood and energy. + +I know this is a bit off topic! Thought I would share in case there are any other women out with similar values who would benefit from this information. It helps my household run a bit smoother and makes the people in my life a little happier.",,15,ArkNemesis00,1690405299.0 +RedPillWives,1599gyj,Wish I just didn’t have to work so dang hard in my marriage,"The last 2 weeks have been really hard. My husband doesn’t think so and let me know last night that I was being dramatic about it. + +Here’s my last couple of weeks: + +- Neighbor called the police on us about us getting rid of a yellow jacket nest. While the officer was very helpful and kind (and gave me good advice about dealing with a terrible neighbor) it was still stressful. My neighbor is stressful. She stands outside “praying” that God will smite us. + +- I was sick with a cold and then a stomach virus. + +- My mom fell and hit her head. The fall was a result of her blood pressure and then realized at the hospital she was experiencing heart rhythm issues. She stayed overnight in the hospital. + +- The day after getting home from the hospital my mom came down with a stomach virus (that I ended up catching from her). This caused dehydration so back to the hospital where she was admitted again this time for 4 days. + +- My period has been weird. Last month I was like 10 days early. I had no idea when it was starting. I started 2 days ago but leading up to it was major PMS symptoms. + +- We have 4 kids and life at home didn’t stop even though I was still working and taking care of my mom. + +- I had a continuing education class I had scheduled months ago for this past weekend. It was long. By the end (even though I loved the class) I just was at the end of my rope. + +Yesterday was going to be my first “day off”. Then I had to take my mom to an appointment with her oncologist. It was important I go because there was a discussion on her continuing with her medications since it’s obviously seriously affecting her health. So no “day off” for me. + +Oh and yesterday was my birthday. I didn’t do a whole lot after my mom’s appointment. I played a video game for a little while because it’s the last day it would be available unless I purchased it (which I didn’t want to do). My husband called and asked what we were doing for dinner. I said I guess I am making dinner. + +I was fried yesterday. I made dinner and asked the kids to help. They were being argumentative about it. I didn’t want it to be some big thing and I had zero bandwidth left to handle it. So I went upstairs to wait until the timer for dinner went off. My husband came home he didn’t say anything to me when I asked how his day was. So I let it be. At dinner the table was a mess. Kids start bickering over who has to clean. My husband starts getting involved and arguing with them over who needs to clean it. I just went upstairs. I didn’t get angry I just couldn’t handle it anymore. + +My kids wanted to go out for ice cream. However the entire day they kept pestering me and asking if we were going. My initial response was, “I don’t know what dad has planned so I’m not deciding without talking to him”. Finally after 5-6 times of being asked I said if they continued asking my answer would just be no. They stopped asking. For a while. So I said “okay my answer is now no to ice cream”. So then my husband got upset because he was going to take us all out for my birthday (I didn’t want to go out for ice cream so I don’t see why he is the one upset by not going). + +Through all of this I was just quiet. I wasn’t even angry. Just… done. I wasn’t upset about not doing anything special for my birthday. I wasn’t upset about my husband being withdrawn (he’s had to handle all the other things while I’ve been busy with all my things). But he was angry with me for being tired. “Life is hard for everyone and I should just deal with it and get over it.” He wanted to do something for my birthday and I ruined it by going upstairs. He said I should have had the table clean for him when he got home from work and how dare I be playing a video game that close to dinner when I should have been taking care of the house and making the kids clean. + +So I’m at the park daydreaming about someone that wouldn’t be this hard to make happy. And perhaps love me even though I am broken and have adhd so things are messy sometimes. Sorry that’s this is so long. Thank to anyone getting to the end of it.",,20,anothergoodbook,1690293844.0 +RedPillWives,157uv1t,Awkward sex question,"This is a little embarrassing, but hopefully y’all can help me out here. + + +My husband (29M) and I(19f) are newlyweds. We’re Christian so i waited until marriage to give myself to my husband. I was excited to finally have sex for the first time, but I’ve been really struggling with his size. I’m not sure exactly how big he is down there, but to give you some idea I’m 5’3” and he’s 6’4” and very large down there. Our wedding night was very painful and I was almost too tight for him to enter me. After a lot of frustration on his part, and a few tears on my part, he was able to enter me fully. +eventually he did finish, but I was really sore afterwards. + I thought maybe this was a normal experience for my first time and hoped + it would get easier the more we did it an assumed I would loosen up a little after a few times, but that hasn’t been the case. I want to keep my husband happy and satisfied, but am struggling with his size. Any tricks to make sex easier on a very sore newlywed or do I need to just get used to it? + +I want to keep my husband happy and satisfied and we’re trying to get pregnant, but I’m really struggling to be joyful about it when it hurts.",,6,NicolaBaileyy,1690157784.0 +RedPillWives,15416b0,7 Tips to Retain a Loving Relationship with Small Children," + 1. Build Good Will + +Our partner is our greatest resource when pregnant or taking care of small children. The best way to get what you want is to see that your partner is looked after, then ask them directly for whatever it is you need. + +The simplest way to build good will is to appreciate anything and everything they do. Hell, if they appreciate you for something, you can thank them for noticing. We all want our partner to notice our efforts, no matter how small. And for many of us, knowing we'll be rewarded with praise is additional motivation to take on a new task. + + 2. Ask Him to Assist You, Not the Baby + +Caregiving is a skill, and like most skills, it feels easy and obvious when you know how to do it and daunting when you don't. Your partner *will* get comfortable with small children, but if you're the primary caregiver, you will gain experience and confidence significantly faster. Watching him fumble in crucial moments when you're at your wits end is a recipe for disaster. + +Ask him to help get **you** whatever **you** need, and let him build baby skills when times are good and you have the patience to walk him through it. Things will go more smoothly if he can get you that cup of coffee, as opposed to him watching the baby while you grab the caffeine. + +Note: for times this isn't applicable, like when you need a shower, walks with a baby carrier are fairly fool proof. + + 3. Give Choices When Requesting Help + +It's mutually enjoyable when I lay out what needs to be done and ask my husband to choose who does what. Asking questions like ""do you want to wrangle Thing 1 or Thing 2?"" lets us get on the same page without me feeling like I'm giving an order. + +Choices work the best when they seem ""real"", as in, they take roughly the same amount of time and effort to accomplish. Asking if he'd rather get you a glass or water or retile the roof can seem more like an attempt at manipulation than a genuine request for help. + + 4. Be Careful When Saying You Need More + +Having small children can be extremely time-consuming and draining. However, it's important to remember that there's a substantial difference between saying you need more, and saying he needs to do more. + +I've told my husband before that when I need help, I wish I didn't have to ask him because I know how hard he works. Both of us can feel like we're putting in a ton of effort, and everything still isn't getting done. To inspire that extra burst of energy in both of you, make sure your tone isn't accusatory. You want to nurture the feeling that the two of you are on the same team. He's far more likely to help if he can be the hero dad lifting up the family, than the loser dad who needs to step up. + + 5. Spent Your Time and Energy Wisely + +Every relationship needs effort. Due to how labor-intensive kids can be, you'll likely reduce the romantic gestures you do for your husband. Prioritize what has the greatest effect on his happiness for less effort. Consider his love languages and his favorite things you've done for him in the past. What do you have the energy for now? Planning a spontaneous, romantic weekend might be out of the question, but taking a few minutes to add one or two of his favorite treats to the shopping list can go a long way. + + 6. Intimate Touch is a Must + +There will be times when sex is off the table. Even for the smoothest of pregnancies, PIV will be advised against post birth until your OBGYN gives you the okay (and please be mindful if you break the six week guideline, as this is a period of hyper-fertility). + +I highly, highly encourage things like flirty touches, casual nudity, and intimacy outside of PIV sex. Something as simple as taking a few minutes to rub his back as he falls asleep at night can really help your partner feel cared for! + +My personal experience is that my husband's touch was an incredibly help to my self-esteem and happiness throughout the process. I can't overstate how worthwhile an investment I found this to be. + + 7. Dad's Night Off + +Something I've found really interesting is seeing how many parents fantisize about divorce simply because in a joint custody arrangement, they could get time to themselves where they weren't expected to care for the kids. It's so powerful to give your partner time to do whatever it is they want, without having to feel guilty. + +Once a week, my husband gets off work and has the rest of the night completely to himself. Adding a couple more hours as the solo parent to my plate doesn't cost me nearly as much as those few free hours give him. And getting to be around someone who's happy and appreciative afterwards is really, really pleasant. + +Anecdote: + +I didn't find negotiating personal time to be effective initially. When I first tried this approach, it seemed like my husband dreaded ""mommy time"" more than he enjoyed ""daddy time."" I became frustrated. We argued. When I dropped that idea and gave ""daddy time"" freely and happily, that worked better for us. Then, after a couple months or so, we had a discussion about ""mommy time"" and it went very well. We realized we could sandwich some in over his lunch hour, which worked better for both of us. + +I believe building up that good will mentioned in tip #1 culminated in us having more energy to work towards a better solution. And once he became comfortable handling ""mommy time"" on his own terms, it opened the door for us to trade free time. I still like to give him his own time unprompted, but it's nice to know I can now effectively get a break when I need one.",,22,ArkNemesis00,1689787327.0 +RedPillWives,1526ggy,Cotton or cotton blend housedresses for chores,Looking to get a stash of cute but functional and inexpensive house dresses for wearing during the day that wash well. I plan on wearing them with an apron. The search term housedress only returns nightgown-like muumuus. Any recommendations?,,9,[deleted],1689610760.0 +RedPillWives,150zfxs,Snickering at Daughter's Words,"Our 3-year old isn't (technically) ours, biologically she's my sister-in-law's. We do raise her as our own daughter and do our best to ignore SILs microaggressions. + +My husband's very emotionally tough. From what I know of the family's circumstances growing up, he had to be. + +He set up a tent in the daughter's room and we slept there during the July 4 fireworks as they are launched close by and seem to have frightened her. + +Between fireworks exploding, husband asked the daughter what we meant to her as (surrogate) parents. Conversation below (N is our daughter, H is my husband): + +N: Mommy, mommy, I'm scared. + +H: To the tent! + +LiteratureOk7716: Be right there. + +N: Yay! Tent-time! + +Hubby and N are in the tent. She's laying with her head on his lap and her legs are outside the open zipper. I enter the tent as well, hold Ns hand, tell her how much I love her, etc. + +N: You know, mommy, I only love daddy, because without him, you wouldn't be in my life and that would upset me. + +H: Fair, so my only contribution to you is my wife, N? + +N: No, you got me this tent. + +H: So, ok, my contribution to you is my wife and this tent? + +N: Yes, LiteratureOk7716 is the prettiest girl in the whole universe and having her in this tent makes me happy. + +I don't know where N got the idea that I'm pretty, much less ""the prettiest girl in the whole universe"" (probably hubby).",,6,LiteratureOk7716,1689491407.0 +RedPillWives,14xcvmx,Household screen rules???,Uhg. I know this is off topic but I am hoping to get opinions and ideas from like minded people. We need so screen boundaries in our house. Our kids (ages 6-10) are reaching for devices and screens constantly and I can’t blame them because so are my husband and I! Do you have boundaries for yourself when it comes to screen use? How do you set yourself up for success with this? Seriously considering just locking them all in a lock box at this point!,,2,kze21,1689133152.0 +RedPillWives,14vguen,Looking for advice on managing taking offense.,"Base info: + +How old are you? 39, husband is also 39 + +Relationship status - married almost 14 years, together 20 (not long distance) + +Active bedroom life - yes, could be more active but I am always available and we have hit what seems to be a good balance for us. + +What I’m here seeking advice on: + +What is the problem? I need advice on how to take criticism without being reactive. Or maybe I need advice on how to remember not to read emotion into things that weren’t presented in an emotional way. This may not be exactly it but let me explain- + +We just had a discussion about something trivial in the grand scheme of life but because it was my husband questioning the usefulness of an admittedly unproductive hobby of mine it turned into a prolonged and emotionally charged debate because while I have what I think are valid reasons to enjoy what I enjoy, he made it clear he thinks very poorly of it and as a result I immediately got defensive and the whole thing snowballed. + +To me, the subject is something harmless that didn’t need to be brought up at all (it isn’t costing us undue money or taking away time from things that need to get done) but his concern is that if left unchecked it COULD cost more money than it should or take time away from doing more “worthwhile” things. (Without getting into specifics because it is silly, I will say it is on par with something like a phone game). But his argument is that he should be able to bring up anything regardless of if it is necessary because our relationship is strong enough to handle it. + +I agree with him on that point (and even on the pointlessness of the activity we were discussing) but it didn’t stop my feelings from being hurt because he was being critical of something I enjoy which in the moment translated (in my mind) to being critical of ME even if that wasn’t how it was intended. + +I know to some degree that why this has been a hard aspect of surrendering for me to shake is because I grew up in an overly critical and emotionally charged household where the only way to be heard was to fight back. But I’m looking for some refresher or new advice on how to disengage from these kinds of discussions so that neither of us says something disrespectful or hurtful when it absolutely isn’t warranted. + +My gut instinct was that just because we CAN say anything to each other doesn’t mean we NEED to and he immediately asked “but how do I know what things not to say? Like how would I know ahead of time what things will hurt your feelings and I should just bite my tongue on?” + +I asked him for time to sort it out, and upon further reflection I’ve found myself here, because I realized I just asked him to blindly walk a minefield and there’s no way I can expect that of him. Obviously I can’t ask him to read my mind, so that means this is my problem to solve, I’m just not sure how to go about it. + +This has been ongoing for years in our relationship, and Ive always tried to ask him to just know, or to keep it in, and I realize now that’s the wrong approach. + +I think that sums it all up, I just need some clarity. I feel like this may have been addressed in some of my past reading but obviously I’m failing to recall what to do to have my emotional needs addressed/acknowledged and avoid being disrespectful out of reactivity. I want him to be able to talk to me when something is bothering him without worrying there will be emotional fallout, because I’d like to learn to not emotionally fall out over simple things that probably don’t warrant it. + +I hope that makes sense and that someone might have some advice to share. Thank you in advance! (And thank you for reading this whole mess)",,4,cathatesrudy,1688954905.0 +RedPillWives,14ui81u,20F New Homemaker Looking to Build a Sisterhood via WhatsApp !,"Hello all! I have noticed that I am severely lacking a feeling of sisterhood in my life. I have decided I want to do my best to actively change this, and to create some sort of sense of community for anyone interested in sharing their lives in a group chat. I would absolutely love to share about my experiences as a young homemaker in a fresh relationship. But aside from that stuff, we can definitely share other interests too! + +I have made a group on WhatsApp, which will serve as the host of this group. Message me if you’re interested in joining! :) I also wanna make it clear that I WILL be filtering the people joining. This is so the people in the group can truly feel safe and comfortable conversing. Quality over quantity is important in building friendships. + +If interested, please send me a chat with a little bit about you and what you’d like to gain from joining. I am open to ideas and feedback! I truly want this to be a great safe space for us ladies needing extra support and a sisterhood. :)",,12,[deleted],1688857411.0 +RedPillWives,14oq311,What books could help a man and husband to grow?,"My husband and I, both in our 40s, have been together for 20+yrs and have 2 pre-teen kids. We’ve been through highs and lows and have successfully overcome some very challenging moments together. + +However over the last ca 5 years things have been going downhill. We fight most of the time, there’s no sex life and I’ve realized that I’m losing my respect for him. + +He doesn't know how to lead and I feel like he's not the right role model for the kids. + +Among other things, he has trouble with anger management within the family, has lost it several times, throwing and breaking things and scaring children tremendously. He feels sh*t afterwards, but doesn’t take responsibility and says it’s our behavior (generally mine sometimes the kids) that brought him to this reaction and he can’t do anything about it, as he can't change, but we should, implicitly because it's our fault. I’ve suggested and asked him to go to therapy several times, but he doesn’t believe in therapy and overall he doesn’t believe that he can change. + +I myself have been to therapy (for anxiety) over the last 4 years and feel that it has helped me a lot. I've improved myself overall, I’m fit and in shape, have a good job, a few hobbies and a good circle of friends. + +I’ve thought of separation several times, but given that we have two kids together I know that his behavior will still influence them, even if we separate. So I'd rather give it one more try and help him to become a better version of himself and a better role model for them. + +I know that he has a lot of inner work to do, but I’m willing to support him if he puts in the work. On the other hand he needs to be willing to do this, so I'm looking for something that would give him the right direction and motivate him to get started and I believe that books would work well for this with him. + +Are you aware of any books/resources for men (possibly non-RP) to get him started on a growth and self improvement journey?",,8,MrsUniversity7035,1688309160.0 +RedPillWives,14jorac,I keep getting asked “why” with why I don’t want a full time job or career :(,"Hello lovely people! First time in this sub, happy to find you all. + + +To get to the meat of the matter, I feel a bit disheartened. I’m living in the Seattle area and around career women or workhorses. Im cultivating my skills as a homemaker and a future housewife (just got engaged!) and we decided with a change of jobs that I only want to work part time in order to give my home and beloved more attention. + + +I want to cook more, I want to know how to garden, I want to be feminine again after working 4 years relentlessly and dealing with so much. I am VERY happy that we can do this comfortably, but there are so many people now who are confused or even look offended at the choice I’ve made. Especially people at work. + + +I mention that I’m only part time for one reason or another and they usually say, “Oh, do you have another job?” Or “do you go to school?” And I then have to explain that I am a home maker when I’m not here! But I’m shy and the words don’t come out right. How do I come off as classy when having to deal with this line of questioning? Taking care of hearth and home is its own rewarding job and I don’t want to diminish what I do. Help please! + +TL:DR what to I say to people who are confused about me wanting to be a homemaker, or judgmental that I down want to work more? ",,25,Lil_AmberSweet,1687803302.0 +RedPillWives,149y5gi,Working on Self,"When I was younger, my (single, or probably should have been) mother always told me that when something went awry in my love life, it was invariably not my fault. + +I met my husband during our PhDs. Through him, I'm learning that time spent assigning fault is better spent solving whatever the issue is. + +Husband was diagnosed with a Asperger's Syndrome during his 20s -- he doesn't pick up on subtle, nonverbal language. It has since been folded into an autism diagnosis. + +I work in a hospital 20 miles from home, he on a 5 year, 100 percent remote contract at a Global 500 company. Shortly after I arrived at work, he texted me that ""I want to hug you"". + +My response was that, ""I can't stop thinking about you"". + +He went full-on autistic and said ""we see each other often, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm on your mind"". + +*sigh* Just when I thought he'd made a breakthrough...",,3,LiteratureOk7716,1686822431.0 +RedPillWives,149epka,Advice on true masculinity,"Hi all, + +I am a student (girl, 19), and I am new to RedPillWives. I would like to ask a question. At the moment, I am not married. However, a lot of women arround me are married. They are married with very different types of man. Somethimes, this confuses me. I tried to talk about it for a few months now, but people go easily in defend-mode when you ask about this. + +What do you think true masculinity entails?",,7,Wandering_Around1,1686766038.0 +RedPillWives,146jonn,Submitting to sex,"Hello, I am trying to be more submissive to my husband (married 13 yrs) to help strengthen our relationship. One area where i am struggling is with sex. I don’t really have much of a sex drive, have never orgasmed even masturbating, but I would agree to sex more than I do if he would just kind of take charge and I could participate but not lead. As of now we have sex 2x week and I just get so stressed trying to come up with an answer to “what do you feel like?” (I am not that creative!) and it feels uncomfortable for me kind of make something up- he wants me to be the kind of person who is like ooh I want to try this, or touch me here- etc. he’s always asking, did you get off? (I always try to deflect for that q- I will say that felt great, oh wow, that was amazing, etc.) What turns you on? Do you want this or that? What do you feel like tonight? He also likes to go down on me which I don’t like the feeling of but try to go along with sometimes. I will try to ask him what he is excited about but he flips it back to me. I just wish he could accept that I have a lower drive but am happy to be intimate but just struggle to put on an act. I feel like it would be very hurtful to be completely honest with him, but also I don’t know now how to be more adventurous or passionate. I know he wants sex a lot more and I just find myself saying no for the above reasons.",,19,DescriptionGlass1058,1686455399.0 +RedPillWives,13rny5u,I think my wife is crushing on other men,"So we attended a friends wedding reception last week. I’d noticed her face turning red and blushing when the MC was singing. She’d commented her surprise of how good he was. He was a decently good looking and masculine man. I know she has a soft spot for people with a good singing voice - he had that and was also charismatic with his voice. We have four very young boys together. I’m 42 years old and she is 32. We’ve been married for 8 years with four boys. I felt uncomfortable as I’ve noticed her bodily reaction. I’m “redpilled” conditioned, so I’m quite sensitive to these indicators. At one time, she’d even twirled her her hair looking at the guy - to me this is an indicator she’s subconsciously flirty! The female nature is suspect and needs guidance. Help me out. What are your thoughts? I love her immensely. I’m averagely looking at best.",,0,SpinachFalse1784,1685036012.0 +RedPillWives,134duak,"How to stop being mothering towards my husband ? (My problem, not his)","I posted about how to stop mothering my husband and it have been misunderstood, I meant, how can I stop to have this attitude with him, he didn't behave like this, that's just me.",,23,LillithSanguinum,1682919729.0 +RedPillWives,12zkakz,How not to mother my husband?,,,16,LillithSanguinum,1682521634.0 +RedPillWives,12y0b9b,What advice would you give her,,https://i.redd.it/ubbnktffiyva1.jpg,16,Specific_Sun67,1682378298.0 +RedPillWives,12acugw,How to keep minor complaints to myself?,"Like most human beings, I (30F) suffer ailments from time to time. I have a pretty rough first day on my period, one or two migraines a month and I tend to doze off/get lethargic in the evening (after dinner and the kitchen is put to rest!) + +My husband (32M) is a loving and attentive partner and if ever I'm not feeling well he's always on hand with a hot water bottle or encourages me to go up to bed to get some rest. + +But lately I've noticed that I am quite vocal when it comes to these regular and ultimately manageable inconveniences. If I've got cramps I'll send him a text in the middle of the workday about it. I guess I just want to be acknowledged in that moment but what is he supposed to say? I'm not sure I'd know what to say if I got the same text asides from 'poor you!' over and over. + +In the moment though, I want to let him know how I'm feeling. But I'd rather save it for the end of the day when we're face to face. Or, push through and not have our conversations revolve around my constant state of being. + +Are there any strategies you use to deflect this sort of compulsion? Write it down somewhere? I'd rather not just tell a friend instead - same problem but different person I'm even less intimate with.",,20,TeddyPicker916_,1680507007.0 +RedPillWives,120prbc,Curious to know what y'all think of Freud's theory on female psychology,,https://youtube.com/shorts/WR7J-Ee4ji8?feature=share,0,hopefulindiegamedev,1679675923.0 +RedPillWives,11sbjzv,Posted this on r/ask women but Karma was too low! I really need an answer or conversation around this rant :(,,https://i.redd.it/x1lo4zr8t0oa1.jpg,43,Major_Following8268,1678919361.0 +RedPillWives,11h6ow9,Post/Picture of gravestone from maybe 3 years ago “SHE WAS EVERYTHING A WIFE SHOULD BE”,Does anyone have this picture or a link to the post???,,7,merrygoesforever,1677863794.0 +RedPillWives,11c0flq,New Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle Community,"Hi fellow RP Wives! + +A book that gets recommended frequently as excellent Red Pill Reading is ‘The Surrendered Wife’ (which has been immensely helpful in my marriage). So myself and another surrendered wife created a Reddit community for it r/surrendered_wife for women like most of us on this subreddit. If you’re interested in joining, we’d love to have you! I figured having more red pill wife communities is always a good thing!",,26,Ruffleafewfeathers,1677371130.0 +RedPillWives,118xufm,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,9,blushingoleander,1677070871.0 +RedPillWives,118xu1l,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,8,AutoModerator,1677070852.0 +RedPillWives,1182vpm,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,5,AutoModerator,1676984445.0 +RedPillWives,11762l5,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,5,AutoModerator,1676898074.0 +RedPillWives,115kgx9,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1676741410.0 +RedPillWives,115esrw,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,1676725226.0 +RedPillWives,114w23e,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,12,AutoModerator,1676664042.0 +RedPillWives,112xfxb,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,2,AutoModerator,1676466011.0 +RedPillWives,112xgtk,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1676466069.0 +RedPillWives,1124tcu,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,8,AutoModerator,1676379610.0 +RedPillWives,111nhws,Infertility and further study,"Hi everyone, + +Just wanted your advice on my situation. I am 28yrs old, and got married almost 2 years ago and moved to a new town. My SO is 34 years old. I work from home 10 hours a week, and in the hospital for 8 hours, and am a homemaker the rest of the week. I've found it difficult to make new friends as my SO works anti-social hours, so I can only leave the house for about an hour every other week. I felt like I initially didn't mind this so much, but I always had the hope that I would get pregnant and that I would finally have a purpose. We have been trying to conceive (at least twice a day) for the full 22 months. However I have not fallen pregnant yet, and I just feel like I am going crazy. I often find myself falling into depression. I agreed with my SO that I would eventually take the next step in my career by doing a PhD after children. He believes that doing applying and doing a PhD will affect my chances of getting pregnant. I just feel that my hope is running out, and that I would like to divert my attention elsewhere. But the older I am getting, the more worried I am getting about falling pregnant, and the more worried I get about wasting time, as I could have applied and even done a PhD within that time. I think I just feel anxious about living with regret, and I am surrounded by women at work who have been able to undertake further study while being pregnant and with small children. I think I just feel frustrated with myself that I can't have both either. And I think I just feel incredibly bored nad purposeless too, which I know is not helping! + +Any advice? Thank you in advance.",,10,Glum-Sea4408,1676330950.0 +RedPillWives,1117nr1,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,1676293211.0 +RedPillWives,10zsxrf,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,1676136611.0 +RedPillWives,10zn2wy,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,5,AutoModerator,1676120409.0 +RedPillWives,10z1e8k,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,5,AutoModerator,1676059214.0 +RedPillWives,10ydfis,How traditional is too traditional?,"Since my last post got a very negative response here and on redpillwomen, I have to ask this traditional gender roles community - why are my traditions considered wrong? + +I realize that since this is an American forum, it's dominated by Americans and to be quite honest, despite this forum being ""antifeminist"" 99% of you ""antifeminist"" American women would be considered feminist in my culture. + +For example, I suspect many of you don't ask permission from your male guardian to do so. In my culture, this is common and expected of women - modest dress and asking permission are how we show respect to God and to our husbands, fathers and families by not dishonoring them. As long as our husbands aren't asking us to do anything sinful, we wives obey without question. In exchange, our husbands work hard to keep us safe and comfortable indoors. + +This is extremely common in conservative countries like mine, where feminism hasn't been able to penetrate. Yet even most ""antifeminist"" western women's heads would explode if they had to ask their husbands for permission to leave the house! + +My culture also emphasizes teaching homemaking skills to girls from birth - many girls in my culture get married around 15-16. Some are 14 but that's gotten more rare as the country has modernized. Meanwhile western women aren't even ready to marry until they're 30! Even most ""traditional"" western women don't usually want their daughter to get married as soon as they turn 18. + +What's going on in the west?",,20,eveninginthemtns,1675995042.0 +RedPillWives,10ww42t,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1675861269.0 +RedPillWives,10ww33u,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,1675861212.0 +RedPillWives,10w713y,I made a homemaking discord server!,"The only homemaking server I found was inactive so I made my own, it has a decent number of people joined, you are welcome to join, share recipes, discuss cleaning tips, and encourage one another! + +[https://discord.gg/8X8CZetVtt](https://discord.gg/8X8CZetVtt)",,9,[deleted],1675789591.0 +RedPillWives,10w17p4,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1675774812.0 +RedPillWives,10v60rt,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,1675688411.0 +RedPillWives,10tlzck,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,1675531810.0 +RedPillWives,10tl6rg,As it all my fault? Am i the worthless piece of shit he says I am?,,https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E6e6uR1Yd2MWRqdiAwbm5y1rAw7VAWPoxnOVuWYT5-0/edit,4,JULIANNA989,1675529953.0 +RedPillWives,10tfv09,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,1675515610.0 +RedPillWives,10stm5y,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,3,AutoModerator,1675454411.0 +RedPillWives,10qu5ra,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,1675256410.0 +RedPillWives,10qu6oh,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1675256468.0 +RedPillWives,10pyf60,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,2,AutoModerator,1675170009.0 +RedPillWives,10p1b5c,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,1675083613.0 +RedPillWives,10nkh0o,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1674927008.0 +RedPillWives,10mufq6,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,3,AutoModerator,1674849612.0 +RedPillWives,10m1rr5,Woman only Discord server for traditional woman,,/r/1950household/comments/10lzgpm/woman_only_discord_server_for_traditional_woman/,6,AireGirl19,1674765326.0 +RedPillWives,10ky3hd,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,1674651671.0 +RedPillWives,10ky2la,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,1674651611.0 +RedPillWives,10k4wwz,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1674565209.0 +RedPillWives,10jbx1c,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,1674478810.0 +RedPillWives,10hwi76,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1674322211.0 +RedPillWives,10hqpa7,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,1674306010.0 +RedPillWives,10h6ljo,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,9,AutoModerator,1674244812.0 +RedPillWives,10f6uu0,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1674046869.0 +RedPillWives,10f6tvh,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,1674046809.0 +RedPillWives,10ebowx,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,3,AutoModerator,1673960412.0 +RedPillWives,10ddyp9,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,1673874013.0 +RedPillWives,10brdas,Men Pulling Away?,"Hi ladies! It’s been a while and I’m getting into the reading some core books about relationships again - +- especially Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. + +A classic that I first read at 16-17 and now rereading it after a decade: specifically Chapter 6 about Men being like rubber bands.. +They need to actually pull away sometimes, recollect and reconnect with themselves before resuming the intimacy within the relationship, this makes sense. + +Now I have some ponderings about it since the book didn’t really cover it - how are women supposed to be while he is ‘away’? +Let’s say through interactions and maybe even text… +The same? Maybe a little distant/aloof as to respect the space there so he can fully experience it? +Any thoughts about this and the book are welcome :)",,11,ThatStepfordGal,1673710762.0 +RedPillWives,10bu2ot,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1673717408.0 +RedPillWives,10bnvs4,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,3,AutoModerator,1673701210.0 +RedPillWives,10b3woe,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,2,AutoModerator,1673640010.0 +RedPillWives,10943z2,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,1673442010.0 +RedPillWives,10944vs,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,1673442068.0 +RedPillWives,10898yb,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1673355610.0 +RedPillWives,107dtmi,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,1673269211.0 +RedPillWives,105uhkd,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1673112609.0 +RedPillWives,105ohn5,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,1673096408.0 +RedPillWives,1053u1e,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,2,AutoModerator,1673035211.0 +RedPillWives,10335rx,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1672837270.0 +RedPillWives,10334tu,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,2,AutoModerator,1672837211.0 +RedPillWives,1027lqm,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,2,AutoModerator,1672750811.0 +RedPillWives,101c27c,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,1672664411.0 +RedPillWives,1004iv7,How to submit to husband's decision even when I think it might be unsafe?,"How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? I'm 28 and he's 35, familiar with the basics +What is your relationship status? Monogamous married + +What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!) +My husband's brother recently got out of prison for a child sex offence [under 12, so not a ""she told me she was 18"" situation]. My husband loves his brother very much and was happy to learn his brother is moving to be near us since cost of living in our area is much lower and the jobs his brother can get are very limited and typically low paying. I don't mind this, I think it's good for him to maintain his brother to help rehabilitate him. + +BUT my husband wants his brother to visit our home someday and we have 2 small children. I've expressed concerns and he says that as long as his brother's not alone with them, everything will be fine. I know that rationally this is probably true but I'm REALLY struggling letting a child sex offender into our home. + +How have you contributed to the problem? I think I might be overreacting and disrespecting my husband's brother and by extension, my husband. +How long has this been an issue? 1 month +What have you done to resolve this problem? I've expressed my concerns about his brother's sexual past. + +If married or in a committed, monogamous relationship: + +How long have you been together? 6 years +Is your relationship long-distance? No +Do you have an active bedroom life? Yes",,9,morninginthemtns1,1672523230.0 +RedPillWives,zzz48l,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,1672507809.0 +RedPillWives,zztlq8,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,1672491612.0 +RedPillWives,zz9wvq,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,14,AutoModerator,1672430411.0 +RedPillWives,zx90pf,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,1672232470.0 +RedPillWives,zx8zrt,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,1672232414.0 +RedPillWives,zwf42s,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,3,AutoModerator,1672146013.0 +RedPillWives,zvmns1,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,1672059611.0 +RedPillWives,zuefu7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1671903009.0 +RedPillWives,zu9d3y,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1671886811.0 +RedPillWives,ztr58j,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,5,AutoModerator,1671825610.0 +RedPillWives,zrkxgc,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,1671627611.0 +RedPillWives,zrkz2g,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1671627667.0 +RedPillWives,zq080m,"From a man, just a thanks for giving hope all my hard work could materialize into a future loving wife it can be tremendously hard to see it",,,17,Environmental-Use808,1671476322.0 +RedPillWives,zqnuqw,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1671541212.0 +RedPillWives,zpqxtq,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,1671454812.0 +RedPillWives,zobbwh,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,1671298209.0 +RedPillWives,zo5t2n,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,1671282008.0 +RedPillWives,znnk1w,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,7,AutoModerator,1671220813.0 +RedPillWives,zlqcys,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1671022869.0 +RedPillWives,zlqc0e,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,0,AutoModerator,1671022811.0 +RedPillWives,zkv61p,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,1,AutoModerator,1670936409.0 +RedPillWives,zjyf3s,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,1670850011.0 +RedPillWives,zhy67e,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,1670693411.0 +RedPillWives,zhrzh8,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1670677209.0 +RedPillWives,zh728z,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,8,AutoModerator,1670616011.0 +RedPillWives,zf0kb9,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,5,AutoModerator,1670418011.0 +RedPillWives,zf0l84,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1670418068.0 +RedPillWives,ze65q4,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,1,AutoModerator,1670331613.0 +RedPillWives,zd661c,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,1670245211.0 +RedPillWives,zblja8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,1670088608.0 +RedPillWives,zbfpul,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1670072409.0 +RedPillWives,zavvzc,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,7,AutoModerator,1670011213.0 +RedPillWives,z8qx22,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1669813271.0 +RedPillWives,z8qvxg,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,1669813209.0 +RedPillWives,z7tey2,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,5,AutoModerator,1669726810.0 +RedPillWives,z6vyqv,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,1669640412.0 +RedPillWives,z5cxmw,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,1669483808.0 +RedPillWives,z5703i,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,1669467608.0 +RedPillWives,z4mmx4,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,5,AutoModerator,1669406409.0 +RedPillWives,z316f8,Marriage Advice Please: 12 years married.,"Hi everyone, I’m 34, SO is 35. We’ve been married 12 years and have two children. I have been using advice from Laura Doyle, to help out marriage. I have taken her advice very seriously and it has had benefits. + +My husband left me and our kids for a week to figure out what he was wanting his life to be. Because he was having urges to want to meet and date and sleep with other women. And then when he returned he let me know how he was feeling and why. + +I have since self reflected and fixed those things that were bothering him and our relationship has gone smoother. + +I was being disrespectful and too high strung and I was very unhappy with my job making me miserable to live with. +I have since been working heavily on all of this and I’m much happier and he is much happier. + +I have told him I want our family to stay together and I want to have a committed spouse. + +However my husband has been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks and he has said he’s glad I’m around so that I can help him. I am glad to help, but, I feel like this is the only reason he is still staying with me. I feel as if he feels safe with me and as soon as he feels fully better he will leave me. That I am just his safe place and not his desire or lover. + +I’m afraid that my efforts are not enough for him because I can’t give him what he is having the urge to do. + +He didn’t ever have intimate relationships with anyone else besides me and neither did I. He now feels like he missed out and I’m afraid no matter what I do, he will eventually choose to leave me to fulfill those needs. Can I please have advice on what I should do? + +As I said we are in a better place now relationship wise, but he has still not fully committed to me and he still has questions. I rarely ask him about how he’s feeling about our relationship because I am afraid. He has also said he has not cheated on me and I believe him. + +Is our marriage save-able if I am the only one working on saving it?",,14,LacesBasis,1669239066.0 +RedPillWives,z2ojjj,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1669208468.0 +RedPillWives,z2oikq,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,1669208409.0 +RedPillWives,z1szwj,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1669122013.0 +RedPillWives,z0yeq2,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,1669035611.0 +RedPillWives,yzh72m,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1668879008.0 +RedPillWives,yzb9hv,Help😂,"Ladies I need help, +I work as a carer (UK) and work 48-60 hours a week. When i come home the last thing on my mind is cleaning/cooking but then i feel guilty for my fiancé. Any advice from people who have been in a similar situation on working this many hours and still keeping a clean home?",,4,21Emily12,1668862553.0 +RedPillWives,yzbc5l,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,1668862809.0 +RedPillWives,yyt3m9,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,8,AutoModerator,1668801612.0 +RedPillWives,ywspzx,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,4,blushingoleander,1668603669.0 +RedPillWives,ywsoxr,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,1668603611.0 +RedPillWives,yvwj4s,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1668517210.0 +RedPillWives,yuynmh,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,1668430810.0 +RedPillWives,ytdcc0,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1668274212.0 +RedPillWives,yt6euk,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1668258011.0 +RedPillWives,ysl9tn,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,6,AutoModerator,1668196812.0 +RedPillWives,yqic4z,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,6,AutoModerator,1667998811.0 +RedPillWives,yqid7l,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,1667998868.0 +RedPillWives,yplhtl,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,1,AutoModerator,1667912409.0 +RedPillWives,yom5g7,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,1667826013.0 +RedPillWives,ymrypr,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,7,AutoModerator,1667649608.0 +RedPillWives,ymyudh,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1667665811.0 +RedPillWives,ym793w,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,9,AutoModerator,1667588412.0 +RedPillWives,yk3asw,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,1667390410.0 +RedPillWives,yk3bqh,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1667390468.0 +RedPillWives,yj6tvw,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,5,AutoModerator,1667304011.0 +RedPillWives,yi9tc7,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,8,AutoModerator,1667217611.0 +RedPillWives,ygo2fq,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1667061010.0 +RedPillWives,yght82,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1667044811.0 +RedPillWives,yfxjau,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,3,AutoModerator,1666983612.0 +RedPillWives,yef9n6,Help! My husband and I are at a complete gridlock as it relates to personal belonging boundaries.,"Hi, this is my first post and I've heavily debated what title I should use... But that is pretty much the largest point of contention in my marriage lately. I hope this is not too long of a post but I do desire to include as much context as possible. + +Within the last 6-8 months my husband began reading/watching ""Red Pill/Manosphere'' content. It started with Rollo Tomasis's Book ""The Rational Male,"" Andrew Tate's Videos, Kevin Samuel's videos and other articles/opinions on this topic. After all of his research, he (for the most part) adopted this way of thinking and began implementing certain changes in our relationship. + +I would like to note that I am pretty open to “Red Pill” ideas. I come from a conservative Christian background which embraces a submission aspect of womanhood and the traditional gender roles. + +Fast forward to now, we are at a complete gridlock when it comes to personal boundaries. My husband is asking for full control over my personal belongings. He wants the ability to take my phone, car keys, wallet with my personal CC’s and even move me into the guest bedroom as a form of punishment whenever he feels “disrespected.” He says.. “Under MY house everything is MINE.” + +To me it feels/seems (I’m sorry to say) overly controlling. I have stated that I would like to keep my things because I worked hard for them, bought them, use them as tools to enrich my daughters development, buy groceries etc. I am not an over spender, I am not a dangerous/reckless driver, I may use my phone (what he would consider ""too much""- though I think there is a double standard here) a bit too much but I do not give it to my daughter and I do try to no be on my phone around her or if him and I are actually resolving conflict. I understand him wanting to give me frame/structure and feel respected but is this “too” much? + +He says it makes him very uncomfortable that I would want to have boundaries as it relates to my possessions in our marriage. He has voiced that he feels manipulated and that if he allows me to have this boundary then I will continue to manipulate him and take more and more of my individuality so as to squeeze him out and give him zero ability to give me frame and structure. I feel this is a very huge unfair over generalization and I am unsure how to calm his fears of the future. + +My questions are: + +Is it okay to have boundaries in a red pill type marriage? + +Is a personal belongings boundary at all an “ok” thing to request? + +Is it “disrespecting” my husband by desiring to keep my things and standing my ground? + +Is it okay to “get punished” if I do not “submit” my belongings to him? + +Does red pill philosophy address this topic? + +Is my husband taking the red pill philosophy to an extreme or in a way it is not meant to be played out? + +Are there other creative ways I can explain to my husband why I want to keep/use my things freely? + +I need help! I am unsure how to move forward on this issue. If anyone needs me to further explain something please let me know. If anyone is moved to give me their opinion or advice please feel free to do so. I am very new to this worldview and I do not understand it well- but I am open to learning. + +Thanks!",,14,Chapitta,1666835374.0 +RedPillWives,ydwclc,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1666785669.0 +RedPillWives,ydwbr7,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,1666785611.0 +RedPillWives,yd32o0,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1666699209.0 +RedPillWives,yc9d8e,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,1,AutoModerator,1666612811.0 +RedPillWives,yas4e9,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,1666456211.0 +RedPillWives,yalwt3,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,1666440011.0 +RedPillWives,ya1nts,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,6,AutoModerator,1666378814.0 +RedPillWives,y80un7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,1666180870.0 +RedPillWives,y80tni,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,0,AutoModerator,1666180812.0 +RedPillWives,y75472,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,1666094412.0 +RedPillWives,y69bba,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,1666008013.0 +RedPillWives,y4s966,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1665851411.0 +RedPillWives,y4m4l7,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,1665835210.0 +RedPillWives,y428xr,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,4,AutoModerator,1665774014.0 +RedPillWives,y221kk,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1665576071.0 +RedPillWives,y220ny,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,1665576014.0 +RedPillWives,y178gm,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1665489613.0 +RedPillWives,y0cy5i,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,3,AutoModerator,1665403215.0 +RedPillWives,xyx0xt,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1665246612.0 +RedPillWives,xyr03j,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1665230409.0 +RedPillWives,xy78g6,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,5,AutoModerator,1665169215.0 +RedPillWives,xw8qh9,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1664971267.0 +RedPillWives,xw8pjl,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,1,AutoModerator,1664971210.0 +RedPillWives,xvd8f9,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,1664884812.0 +RedPillWives,xuhh49,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,4,AutoModerator,1664798414.0 +RedPillWives,xszpf7,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,1664641812.0 +RedPillWives,xsti6o,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,2,AutoModerator,1664625610.0 +RedPillWives,xs9h1z,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,2,AutoModerator,1664564412.0 +RedPillWives,xrooa8,How many of you guys dye your hair/have alt girl styles yet are still conservative?,"Im asking because most girls I met like this are typically immature, rude, and very opinionated ""lefties"". Does this type of RPgirl exist? PS I don't mean to offend anybody with this question sorry if it sounds rude. + +\-examples include out there clothes, sublte unnatural (blue, purple, etc.) hair color, dreamcatchers (sounds wierd to include but seems pretty popular), and artsy personalities. ",,29,HanzEscalation,1664501286.0 +RedPillWives,xqasel,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,1664366411.0 +RedPillWives,xqatbz,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1664366469.0 +RedPillWives,xpesj6,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,0,AutoModerator,1664280011.0 +RedPillWives,xohagg,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,0,AutoModerator,1664193612.0 +RedPillWives,xmxb23,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,1664037012.0 +RedPillWives,xmqz41,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,0,AutoModerator,1664020810.0 +RedPillWives,xm63es,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,8,AutoModerator,1663959617.0 +RedPillWives,xk2xfn,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,1663761614.0 +RedPillWives,xk2yh8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1663761671.0 +RedPillWives,xj6v9f,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,9,AutoModerator,1663675211.0 +RedPillWives,xi9zuc,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,6,AutoModerator,1663588815.0 +RedPillWives,xgrlam,Communities That Promote Big Families,"Ladies, Is anyone able to direct me to a community/ communities that promote big families? + +Alternatively; where could I find women who share my desire for a big family? + +Anything would be great. + +All I can find are subreddits for people who hate the idea of kids/big families",,7,ghjkfhjkdnsn,1663433623.0 +RedPillWives,xgkmez,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,5,AutoModerator,1663416009.0 +RedPillWives,xgr01p,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1663432212.0 +RedPillWives,xfzuha,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,4,AutoModerator,1663354814.0 +RedPillWives,xe03tc,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,4,AutoModerator,1663156815.0 +RedPillWives,xe04qk,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1663156870.0 +RedPillWives,xd5lqu,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,5,AutoModerator,1663070409.0 +RedPillWives,xcawyt,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,5,AutoModerator,1662984015.0 +RedPillWives,xatkzj,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,1,blushingoleander,1662827410.0 +RedPillWives,xanmoj,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1662811211.0 +RedPillWives,xa3kgq,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,14,AutoModerator,1662750016.0 +RedPillWives,x83b4u,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,3,blushingoleander,1662552070.0 +RedPillWives,x83a9h,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,2,AutoModerator,1662552013.0 +RedPillWives,x78qor,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,3,AutoModerator,1662465613.0 +RedPillWives,x6eg2h,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,6,AutoModerator,1662379215.0 +RedPillWives,x4yk9y,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,6,blushingoleander,1662222613.0 +RedPillWives,x4spup,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1662206411.0 +RedPillWives,x49js6,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,8,AutoModerator,1662145214.0 +RedPillWives,x35saf,"Fighting Words - Anti-Feminism, Christianity & Conservative Politics","RPW is for anyone who seeks a happy, healthy, gender normative relationship with a solid man. Buuuut we do tend to draw many women who are anti-feminist or christian or conservative. This is a weekly space for you to talk about what's on your mind on those topics. + +It is not a space for debate from the opposition. While all women are welcome on RPW, we are carving out this weekly post for the women who might have trouble finding other spaces to share their thoughts. Kind and curious engagement is encouraged. Bans from outsiders will be issued liberally. + +It is a space for women to discuss ideas that are outside of the mainstream but very common in the RPW sphere. Is there a news story that's bugging you? Having shower thoughts about an article of your faith? This is the place to chat, post and share.",,2,blushingoleander,1662033613.0 +RedPillWives,x2bryg,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,3,AutoModerator,1661947216.0 +RedPillWives,x2bss8,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,2,blushingoleander,1661947271.0 +RedPillWives,x1h7sl,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,1661860814.0 +RedPillWives,x0mxje,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,2,AutoModerator,1661774415.0 +RedPillWives,wz14nt,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,4,AutoModerator,1661601609.0 +RedPillWives,wz7324,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,0,blushingoleander,1661617811.0 +RedPillWives,wym90u,My husband keeps swearing at me,"We keep clashing. It's been especially bad for the last 17 months, ever since we had our baby. + +Tonight he told me I was ""talking a bunch of shit"". + +In the last few weeks he has told me ""stop being such a bitch"", ""stop being such a bastard"", told me I am ""bitching"" and yelled ""fuck's sake"" and banged his chest when he was frustrated. + +I told him I will not he sworn at nor have my baby raised in a house where his dad swears at his mum but my husband plays dumb and says he doesn't know what swearing is, that it's a made up concept, and if the words bother me that is my problem. + +I am feeling very alone and like he doesn't care about my feelings. + +He refused - refused - to apologise for saying I was talking shit tonight. I told him it hurts my feelings and he said that I don't understand the language, I am too fragile and that I seem mentally unwell. + +I do feel mentally unwell because I want to be in a relationship where I am not sworn at, where I am loved, cherished and treated kindly. + +90% of the time my husband is great - he works his tail off for us, is always doing things around the house etc. But the other 10% is so painful I don't know if I can - or should - bear it. + +We tried marital counselling but I found that even more harmful because the counsellor took his side, was very invalidating towards me which triggered me to no end in sessions, making me seem like the crazy one and him like the cool, calm innocent victim. No matter what the issue was the therapist turned it round to me. For example one time my husband was angry because I didn't clean the litter tray and he spoke to me in an unacceptable manner - and the conclusion of the therapist wasn't that he needs to control his temper but to have me apologise for not cleaning the litter tray!! And another time I said I am exhausted because I have not ever had a chance to sleep in since we had the baby, whereas my husband said that he is very tired and we make too much noise and wake him up, and our therapist asked me if I could be more quiet in the mornings for him so he could sleep in! (Twice he has gotten up first to help with the baby - twice - in all 17 months). That was our last session as I just wanted to throw the computer out the window. + +And numerous other examples where him speaking to me badly is *my* fault. + +I'm at my wits end. + +We have a 17 month old baby together. We have been together since I was 18 (I'm now 37). His behaviour has always rang alarm bells, some of my friends thought he was kind of an asshole, but I ignored them because I had terrible self esteem and trauma in my past. Now I am recognising that this is not the way I want to live, nor the way I want to be loved. Love shouldn't hurt this much. + +I want it to work out, I just don't know if it can. I don't want to rip my family apart, but in the meantime I don't want my self esteem to be ripped to shreds either. + +Advice - help?",,21,mujercatolica,1661553134.0 +RedPillWives,wyhant,The Good Wife Weekly Challenge,"Every Friday we will ask the community to suggest a weekly relationship or personal improvement challenge. This should be something small that can be accomplished in a week that will make your relationship just a little bit better. + +Anyone can suggest challenges below. You are then encouraged to pick what you think would be best for you and your relationship this week and make it a goal. Then on Monday, a ""report back"" post will pop up. You have until next Friday to give us the update on how your challenge went. And hey, if it's bigger than a comment - feel free to write a field report! + +A few suggestions to get everyone started: + +* Make a point to tell your partner what you appreciate about him this week. Make it real and genuine. +* Dress a cut above normal for a week. +* Go for the full 50's housewife routine when he gets home. Fix your hair and make up, meet him at the door with a kiss and space and have dinner ready to go when he's ready to eat. + +&#x200B; + +*The goal of these challenges should be to try things you might not normally do and observe how they help impact your relationship. You can suggest a challenge that you want to try or that you already do but think will help others. Let's all work together to make our relationships more fulfilling.*",,2,AutoModerator,1661540414.0 +RedPillWives,wxcbkv,"Fighting Words - Anti-Feminism, Christianity & Conservative Politics","RPW is for anyone who seeks a happy, healthy, gender normative relationship with a solid man. Buuuut we do tend to draw many women who are anti-feminist or christian or conservative. This is a weekly space for you to talk about what's on your mind on those topics. + +It is not a space for debate from the opposition. While all women are welcome on RPW, we are carving out this weekly post for the women who might have trouble finding other spaces to share their thoughts. Kind and curious engagement is encouraged. Bans from outsiders will be issued liberally. + +It is a space for women to discuss ideas that are outside of the mainstream but very common in the RPW sphere. Is there a news story that's bugging you? Having shower thoughts about an article of your faith? This is the place to chat, post and share.",,5,blushingoleander,1661428813.0 +RedPillWives,wwhoi7,Casual Questions,Do you have relationship questions that don't warrant a full post? Here is the place to ask. Once per week ask your low key questions and we will answer.,,5,AutoModerator,1661342411.0 +RedPillWives,wwhpfl,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,1661342468.0 +RedPillWives,wvmxmm,The Cute Kid Report,"Do you have cute kids? I do! Oh and sometimes, I have demon children that absolutely take after their father. + +What did you kids do that was adorable this week? What are your current trials and tribulations of motherhood? What parenthood questions do you just not want to ask your blue pilled friends? + +Here is a space for all things motherhood, pregnancy and parenting.",,4,AutoModerator,1661256010.0 +RedPillWives,wurpdh,Relationship Challenge Field Reports,"Tell us what challenge you have chosen this week and how it worked out for you. Let us know the good and the not so good. + +And if you haven't done your challenge yet, don't worry, you have until Friday when we start with next week's challenges.",,6,AutoModerator,1661169613.0 +RedPillWives,wtb97o,Tea Time,"Tea time is a place to spill your guts, tell stories old and new or share some shower thoughts. + +So how about it RPW, what is on your mind today?",,5,blushingoleander,1661013008.0 +RedPillWives,wt5dz7,Shit Post Saturdays," + +Hello Ladies: + +Welcome to Shit Post Saturday!!!! Post any memes, funny pictures, comics, videos, tweets, and more in the comment section. Almost anything is fair game, especially if it is anti feminist, anti leftist, and anti SJW. All we ask is that you refrain from anything pornographic or gory, and that you mark things NSFW as necessary. + +Have fun and let's all laugh together!",,1,AutoModerator,1660996810.0