Here’s a terrific little meditation on the classic G.I. Joe cartoon series from our youth by none other than my brother, Dan. Be sure to give us your comments by clicking on the link after this entry. Please do note that much of this message’s formatting stems from the demands of email, where this originated. Beware of capital letters in here, for your own safety, please.
I’ve reviewed the original two G.I.JOE animated mini-series, “A Real American Hero” and “Revenge of Cobra,” just out on DVD. Despite the absence of characters, or story logic, there’s a lot still to like. It’s not just nostalgia… both stories play out in giddy, STAR WARS-esque mayhem. And God help me, I’ve got a few of these episodes committed to memory, even to this day…
1. The plots for both series are identical. Duke gets captured, Cobra’s world-destroying gizmo breaks into three pieces, and the Joes and Cobra must undertake a daring-do world-wrapping series of missions to build competing versions of the same gizmo before the other one.
4.Every Joe can fly an F-16. Even the magic, three-seater, F-16s. Some Joes will wear helmets when taking off. Generally, they will abandon these helmets by the time they’re in combat. Who wouldn’t?
5.Cobra’s Arenas of Sport. Forgot all about ’em. They appear in both mini-series, in completely different configurations. The original is a coliseum for gladiator-style combat. Hundreds of Cobra operatives watch; that all of these members of Cobra have time in their busy schedules to watch is distressing. The second arena is TRON redux, providing room only for Destro, Cobra Commander, Zartan, and Scrap-Iron (?!?) to watch. What they watch is Duke & Snake-Eyes escaping twice.
Scarlet is the only prisoner in the history of Cobra not to be sent to the Arena of Sport immediately after capture. Instead, she gets thrown down three lights of stairs into a holding cell where the only other occupant is the one person who happens to know how to defeat Cobra’s mind-control headbands.
The standard Cobra method for subduing prisoners is to gang up and bludgeon said prisoner. And not just a little bit. This happens to Duke numerous times, this happens to Snake-Eyes, this happens to Roadblock. This does not happen to Scarlet. ‘Cause she’s a girl. Scarlet only gets beaten up by other girls. Still, that’s lotsa bludgeoning for a cartoon.
Cobra has no compunction about beaming a dozen Cobra space troopers into deep space and leaving them there.
Cobra can build giant robots to put Optimus Prime to shame. These robots, however, are not used in combat. No, no. Only sport. The robots used in combat have no elbow articulation and are confused by targets running in circles.
Major Bludd employs no military strategy aside from “Attack!” It works, though; he’s the only Cobra operative with a perfect operational record over both series.
No Joe but Torpedo knows jack about deep-sea diving. Nobody. Stalker says so. Torpedo gets his very own submarine.
Following his spectacular escape from Cobra Headquarters, Duke forgets where Cobra Headquarters is. To regain his lost
memories, Doc places Duke in the EMPIRE STRIKES BACK bacta tank. Retracing his childhood up until college, then completely skipping his military training, Duke still cannot remember where Cobra Headquarters is. Duke will later remember he gave his slave-wife his college ring, which has a G.I.Joe homing beacon in it. Lucky, that.
Scarlett’s throwing stars, attached to her gloves, are for illustrative purposes only, as they are not confiscated when she’s captured. (Duke and Scarlett aren’t captured at the same time. Nevermind. Long story.)
Tripwire is shocked his mine-detector does not detect life-signs. It does, however, detect earthquakes!
Cobra’s hard-on for destroying New York City is, today, extra creepy. Their primary target is the Empire State Building, identified by name. Imagine if history has only unfolded a little differently… would we ever see this miniseries again? Methinks not.
His plan thwarted, Destro aims the MASS Device at the earth’s core — his explicit intention, to destroy the planet in seconds; his only apparent means of escape, however, is a Cobra F.A.N.G., a short-range one-person helicopter. Good luck with that, Destro.
Baroness, Major Bludd, and Cobra Commander — indeed, the entire Cobra organization, is arrested at the end of the first mini-series. (By the beginning of the second miniseries, they have all freed and rearmed. Cobra Commander’s capture all over again in the first act of “Revenge” begs the question why they didn’t just open with Cobra Commander already imprisoned…)
“Revenge” establishes the pattern used throughout G.I. JOE and THE TRANSFORMERS, where a story begins with established, first generation characters, only to have those characters replaced as protagonists by second generation characters before the end of the story.
The first episode of “Revenge” is not an embarrassment of animation. The final episode seems to have been animated on an Etch-a-Sketch.
At the beginning of “The Revenge of Cobra,” Cobra attacks a Joe convoy carrying a gigantic motherfucking G.I.Joe laser cannon. Cobra steals a tiny piece of this cannon. This giant motherfucking cannon is never mentioned again. Wasn’t it Chekov who said, never bring a gun onstage unless you intend to use it?
Stalker, the Joes’ commando, is seen operating a VAMP machine gun turret at the beginning of “Revenge.” Later, when legitimate commando skills are required, Stalker is nowhere to be seen. Breaker fills in.
Destro objects to Zartan’s involvement because Zartan “has no commitment to our cause!” What that cause is, and why Zartan is a mercenary while Destro is not, is left a mystery.
Seen in retrospect from G.I.JOE THE MOVIE, it seems odd Cobra Commander would be afraid of poison ivy…
Snake-Eyes’ concealed communication device can only be used by banging it on a very long piece of metal.
Duke learns! By his second capture, he’s got a dictionary-sized homing device on him, the easier to remember. Where on his body he’s been keeping it, and that he only thinks to activate it in the final episode of “Revenge,” after being taken prisoner in the first, is troubling. When the Joes receive this transmission, the signal appears to be coming from South Africa; this also is troubling.
Wherever it is, Cobra Headquarters must have been near Joe Headquarters, because the Joes drive there. In both series. Assuming G.I. Joe Headquarters doesn’t pick up and move, maybe the Joes could spend a little more time securing their own perimeter.
Flint and Mutt meet Shipwreck in a cafe in the middle of the desert, not at all far from Cobra Headquarters. It’s unclear what, if any, military organization Shipwreck belongs to, but he is accepted with open arms into the G.I.Joe team.
When in the desert, bring Shipwreck. The jungle? Shipwreck, oh yeah. The Arctic? Shipwreck’s your man. The sea-bound campaign? Shipwreck’s not available because he’s in the jungle and the arctic.
Lady Jaye can drive with one foot while throwing explosive-tipped javelins. Lady Jaye is cool. Duke, meanwhile, can not conduct operations in daylight without getting captured by the enemy. Why exactly is Duke in charge?
Doc, in addition to being a skilled surgeon and psychiatrist, is also a genius engineer and theoretical physicist. He builds three demonstration models of energy mirrors that absorb and retransmit kinetic energy without any apparent help, in a matter of hours. Yo Joe!
Exactly what demographic was Zartan’s defunct “Bayou World Park” aimed at? At this park, it’s just as easy to raise an entire rollercoaster as it is to just raise the antenna on said rollercoaster.
When Flint is told Zartan’s transmission has been traced to “the swamps,” that’s enough. Flint knows where to go.
Storm Shadow is such a good ninja, he escapes detection merely by moving out of frame. Before that, he throws a single throwing star packed with enough sleeping gas to knock out two Joes and a dog.
You know what’s missing in action movies today? A fifty-story enemy temple that can rise and fall out of the desert. Let’s see Michael Bay put that in his inevitable Hitler biography.
Adrenaline pumping in the heat of battle, Rock ‘n Roll, Spirit, and Clutch keep up with the Joe mechanized forces on foot. That Clutch is on foot, rather than driving his designated VAMP, is, also, troubling.
Destro and Zartan make their final escape from Cobra Headquarters on a hang-glider. In the desert. The middle of the day. Luckily, no member of the Joe team was near a window, jeep, tank, or rival hang-glider. Destro and Zartan get away.
Mike, especially, take note: Barenaked Ladies are back in the studio and they’re blogging about it. A steadily updated blog about interesting people who do interesting things and sport photos? What more could you want? Well, they don’t have my shiny comment feature, do they? Anyway.
I’ve just heard that the Big Book of African Vampires, Kindred of the Ebony Kingdom, has been spotted by the powers that be. I hear it’s gorgeous, and I expect to get my author’s copies before long. I’m so excited to see this big ol’ book, and I’ll be sure to share a bit with you all when I finally hear something about it. Word on the street is that the book goes on sale in May, so it won’t be long now, kids!
There’s something of a crunch going on at work this week. We’ve got a big book going out at the end of this week, and I’ve got my folks coming in this weekend (which has its own associated preparations). So, busy, busy. I also have a writing assignment due shortly, and three or four other projects in the air before that. Let’s say I’m using the blog here to generate energy which will go towards actual writing (for pay) later on. We’ll see how that works out.
I am estimating that I have a current readership (ugh, lousy word) of about four people. Gotta get that number up.
I’m now testing out a new, free comment feature. This might just be temporary, we’ll see how it goes, I guess. If you’d like to comment, just click on the comment button below any post. To my knowledge, you don’t have to enter any more information than you’d like to when the comment box appears.
Also, you can purchase books that are worth your money even though they have my name on them by clicking on the links to the left. That won’t last though, because I feel uncomfortable leaving those pictures up. Also, keep your eyes on the picture at left, I swear it will be changed periodically.
Damien Jurado has a new(ish) album out, as of March the 18th. I just found out about it this weekend when I stumbled upon it in a cozy little record shop with wonderful taste on Grand Ave. That’d be Eclipse Records, I believe. Anyway, the new album is very, very mellow but a really delightful little stretches of songs. Recommended.
Today, I found a nice used copy of Snatch on DVD, both discs, cheap. Wonderful, that. Now, however, I’m thinking in the rhythm of the British hoods from the aforementioned picture, which means I have an overwhelming desire to answer every question with a sarcastic reply question. I mean, it’s not as though I’m a bloody tea-drinking English mate, now is it? So, yes, I won’t be doing that anymore.
On Snatch‘s second disc, there’s a funny little easter egg that is among my favorite special features on DVD. On the main root menu of Disc 2, highlight the arrow on your screen, press “up” and then press “right,” I believe. An exclamation point in a diamond roadsign will appear. Press “select” or whatever your machine’s manufacturer has given you to press and enjoy the finest swearing and gunfire in contemporary British cinema (their words, not mine). It’s actually funnier, in my opinion, if you select “Yes” to the question they ask you, but only you can make these sorts of choices for yourself.
Would that this film had been made back in the Hitchcock days, as it might have been. I’d had a slight interest in this movie back when it’s release was delayed by the Beltway Sniper, but my real motivation for seeing another Joel Schumacher picture in the theater was an article written by screenwriter Larry Cohen that appeared in a recent issue of Scr(i)pt magazine. These sorts of conceptual thrillers wherein somewhat ordinary folks get stuck in a phenomenal situation, and usually an associated location, are a candy I can’t get enough of. I think it’s the combination of a stage-like environment for the actors and the restrictions such environments place on a film director that attract me to these pictures; restrictions promote creativity, they say. Beyond that, the ordinary folks give us, the audience, and the actors terrific footholds on the thriller situation, which should be extraordinary and is very often ridiculous. Among my favorites in this category is David Fincher’s Panic Room, which is just a selection of interesting characters and locations placed together under pressure.
Phone Booth strays a bit from the simplicity of its situation, which is a mistake I’ll blame on Schumacher, because I’m still holding a grudge from the Batman movies, I guess. To be honest, Schumacher does wonderful things in this film, but his satellite bookends are overblown and self-important. The weight and meaning of a man trapped in a phone booth by a sniper is best left to the audience, I think. Besides the film’s opening and closing sentiments, I think there’s one other major problem: the voice of the sniper. Kiefer Sutherland’s voice is too recognizeable, though perhaps it wouldn’t have been if the film had come out before his hit television series 24 had taken off, and the outright villainy of his performance goes against the earthly frailty that the story emphasizes. Worse, Sutherland’s voice is given to us without telephonic static or variations in volume. Yes, it’s godlike, we get it. How fascinating would it have been if we’d been trying to learn something about this person on the other end of the phone, if we’d felt we missed some key word or sentence spoken while the phone was away from our ear? If the sniper had been more human, he’d have been more mysterious. Otherwise, we just conclude that he is a malicious psychopath. Unfortunately, we do and, unfortunately, he is.
What is good about Phone Booth is pretty darn entertaining, though. Forest Whitaker is terrific, as usual. Colin Farrell is good in the way that’s most necessary in this film, which is to say he’s easy and exciting to watch for the whole film. Radha Mitchell does great, convincing work in the role of the wife, which is thankfully not shrill, stupid or helpless. Special appreciation must be paid to the talents of the crew, including Schumacher, who turned a stretch of Los Angeles into New York. The tricks they play to convince us that we’re off Times Square work flawlessly, though I am from Chicago so what do I know about LA or New York?
Happily, Phone Booth is the movie it’s advertised as, so it’s pretty easy to recommend it; you know what you’re getting. It’s a fine 90 minutes of entertainment, but it’s not the heart-pumping, edge-of-your-seat nailbiter that I’d been hoping for. For that, I’ll put in my DVD of Panic Room.
So, what do you think of the new blog? It only took me three (freakin’!) days. Special thanks to SaraQ, for spitballing with me. Happy Easter, SaraQ!
Now let’s see if I can’t manage to keep changing that picture on the left like I hope. Stay tuned, too, for a terrific analysis and remembrance of the G.I. Joe cartoon series, as written by my brother Dan, which will be appearing here during the week. It’s good, good stuff, I promise.
John Cena unveiled the ‘spinner’ vesrion of the WWE belt on April 11th, 2005 on SmackDown (see clip below). While it was originally scoffed at by longtime observers of the sport, it gained favorable reviews from an important sector of the audience: children.
Capitalizing on Cena’s rising popularity and mass appeal, the company introduced the Spinner Belt for sale by Christmas of that same year. It was incredibly successful; the belt began popping up all over arenas, as Cena became wrestling’s biggest star. Several versions of the toy replica remain popular WWE merchandise items today.
A form of the actual title lasted for about eight years, with other champions adding their own personalized touches, and the title eventually becoming ‘un-spinnable.”
It was replaced by the current version of the title on February 18th, 2013 in LaFayette, Louisiana, The Rock would unveil the new belt, and stated (perhaps ironically) that the WWE title “should never look like a toy.”
OCT 1, 2018: Matt Hardy is Broken AGEEN and is rumored to be retiring from in-ring competition in the WWE. Hardy has stated that he could envision himself returning to IMPACT Wrestling or Ring of Honor in an off-screen capacity.
In an update from the previous rumor, its not being reported that WWE requested the meeting with IMPACT Wrestling. What will ultimately come up with this meeting between IMPACT & WWE?
The first edition of the Greek Festival is currently taking place at Pullman Bucharest hotel. The event, which highlights the Peloponnese gastronomy, culture, and traditions,…
The Greek Food Festival now has a permanent home in East Sacramento off Alhambra. It has been nearly 30 years since the Greek Orthodox community…
The reboot of a Greek festival in London, Ontario, is getting a $15,000 boost from the provincial government. A Taste of Greece, which will be held…
Hobart turned into a celebration of Greek culture https://thegreekevents.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/hobart-turned-into-a-celebration-of-greek-culture.png 1200 628 GreekEvents GreekEvents https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/346cb6d4ea992644a1768108ef55ef76?s=96&d=mm&r=g March 19, 2017 April 5, 2017
A North Hobart street has once again been turned into a celebration of the colour, tastes and sounds of Greek culture for the 24th Estia…
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White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley said Monday he plans to return home to Chicago after President Obama’s re-election campaign.
“I made a commitment to put the president through his reelection, which I’m confident he will do, and then my wife and I will be back in Chicago,” Daley told NBC Chicago.
This job “is probably the only job I’ve had where I’ve not thought about what’s next,” he added. “It may be because it’s so consuming and there’s so much to do and be involved in and exciting.”
Daley has held the chief of staff position for nine months, after taking over for Rahm Emanuel, who ran and won his current job as mayor of Chicago. Emanuel followed Daley’s brother Richard as mayor.
Daley, who like his predecessor is from Chicago, also defended Obama’s choice to repeatedly select staff from that city.
“The president ... loves Chicago. He has great pride in the city and misses it. But I don’t think [the White House is Chicago-centric],” he said.
When the Edmonton Oilers signed Jordan Eberle to a six-year, $36 million contract extension, few were surprised that the 22-year-old was given a long-term deal. The same can not be said for the dollar amount that came with Eberle’s new contract, which will begin with the 2013-14 season.
Many people believe that $6 million a year over six years is a gamble for a player that has only been in the NHL for two seasons. Although time will tell if Eberle’s 2011-12 season was the springboard to a great career, there are those who doubt whether or not he can have the same type of year again.
But make no mistake about it, Jordan Eberle is not overpaid, and by the end of his contract, we might look back and wonder how Edmonton was able to keep the former Regina Pat in the fold at such a bargain.
In fact, by looking at other players around the league, Eberle’s deal is easily at market value. Among the forwards in the NHL who had a cap hit close to $6 million last season were the Sedin twins, Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, Henrik Zetterberg, Mike Cammalleri, and Patrik Elias.
If you include Eberle into this group of forwards, the Oilers’ right winger had the third highest point total in 2011-12. With 76 points (34 goals, 42 assists), Eberle only recorded five less points than Henrik Sedin, and two fewer points than Elias. Also, Jordan’s 34 goals were the most among this group of forwards.
Another benchmark for establishing Eberle’s worth was the contract Oilers’ general manager Steve Tambellini gave to Eberle’s teammate Taylor Hall. The Oilers’ left-winger received a 7-year/$42 million extension last week, meaning he will also have a $6 million cap hit starting in 2013-14. In their first two seasons (Eberle and Hall both debuted in 2010-11), Eberle had a higher points per game average than Hall (0.81 to 0.75).
Jordan Eberle (right) along with Ryan Nugent-Hopkins (left) and Taylor Hall are three of the reasons why the Oilers have a bright future ahead of them. (Dustin Bradford/Icon SMI)
The Oilers’ dismal performance in recent years gave them the #1 overall pick in three consecutive drafts (Hall in 2010, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins in 2011, and Nail Yakupov in 2012). The three #1 picks are all part of the Oilers’ bright future, but it was the 22nd overall pick in the 2008 draft, Eberle, who led Edmonton in points in each of his first two seasons.
Even though Eberle deserves $6 million annually right now, there is little doubt that his contract, like his friend Hall’s, was determined based on their potential production in a few seasons. If Eberle’s progression follows the same track it did between his rookie and sophomore season, then his $6 million cap hit would be a bargain.
With Hall signed for the next eight seasons, and Nugent-Hopkins and Yakupov on board for the foreseeable future, the Oilers’ offense looks to be explosive for years to come. Eberle, the elder statesman of the group at age 22, is certainly a part of that mix and is trending up right now.
As part of a talented group of young forwards that will undoubtedly grow up together in Edmonton, it will be interesting to see what kind of numbers Jordan Eberle will put up in the years to come.
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In its first year of trading, Koh Boscombe won Bournemouth’s 2010 Restaurant of the Year. This gave us all the encouragement we needed to take our concept on tour. Our flagship venue, in Bournemouth’s ‘Soho Quarter’, then proved its mettle with the accolade of Reader’s Recommended Dorset Restaurant in the Good Food Guide. This cemented our suspicions that our success was grassroots; our customers were on our side.
Thai Tapas proved a flexible concept. We launched Koh Lounge, our touring pop-up bar and beach lounge that has brought the party to Bournemouth Air Festival, Poole Thai Festival, and Boscombe Tea Party. Our takeaway trade has made our distinctive Koh Smarties a feature across the South.
Our expansion to Southsea, Bath and Bristol, with its new challenges and new audiences, has honed our concept. Although every venue is unique, born out of the marriage between historic locations and fresh fusion design, we continue to deliver on exquisite food, drink and that eclectic atmosphere.
In 2014 we diversified the Koh concept by adding Koi Noi’s, focusing more on the tapas ideology, these ‘small islands’ are bar lead and do not take bookings. As a result Lilliput and Christchurch have now established themselves in the local communities for providing amazing drinks and a relaxed dinning experience.
CDE is the backbone of our brand. CDE is our attention to every detail; every customer, every welcome, every goodnight.
Hyundai Genesis is selling better than it was expected. Until the end of past September it sold more than 2,000 units per month on average in South Korean domestic market, and this is 33% more ...
From the North or South – NY State Thruway/Interstate 87 Exit 17. Out of the toll booths follow the signs for NYS Route 300. At the light turn left heading north on NYS Route 300. At the fourth light turn left onto NYS Route 52 west. Two miles at light turn right onto Lakeside road. We are located one half mile on the left.
From the East – Interstate route 84 west to Exit 8. Turn right onto NYS Route 52 west. Three miles at light turn right onto Lakeside road. We are located one half mile on the left.
From the West – Interstate route 84 east to Exit 6. Turn left onto NYS Route 17K west. One tenth of a mile turn right onto Lakeside road. Go approximately two miles, at light for NYS route 52 go straight across. We are located one half mile on the left.