If you’re reading this you’re in middle school. Congratulations. I never thought you would make it. Right now, you’re in third grade, you’re still having trouble with our math facts.
Now I didn’t just write this letter as a form of mocking you, although that is part of it. I am actually writing this letter to thank you, and to pay you back with a bit of advice.
When I am writing this you are in third grade, and I am in eighth so most of the things you did to help me you did unintentionally, but some of the things you did on purpose were the best. Like the time you were in the hospital and we went down to the lobby. I don’t know if you remember, but you wanted to make all the crafts just like me. That day, when I needed it most, you made it clear that you needed me to be around, that I was a really big help to you. And all the times after dad took away your TV privileges, you would always go get your bright blue guitar and want to come play with me, even if I was doing my homework, and even if you didn’t want to actually learn to play. I hope by now you have learned at least one chord. I even loved the times when you would wake up at five in the morning and scream at the top of your lungs just to ask if you could get up.
There were also lots of things you had no control over that helped me. You were in the hospital a lot as a kid, and probably still occasionally now, and though it sucked at the time, it made me grow up faster. It made me a more mature teenager, and it set my priorities straight. It showed me how to deal with long periods of time without any occupation. And besides that you taught me more about conflict resolution and problem solving. All those twenty-minute long fights about nothing, or over a green plate, when you would fight for until you realized I was inevitably going to win, then stood back. And then those few times you actually got mom and dad on your side. And thanks for being my friend, not my brother, because everyone knows that you are cooler then I, or at least you were at the time of writing this.
And one little piece of advice before you go on to the eighth grade, doesn’t be mean, and be yourself. Find yourself a good pack of friends, and make sure not to be a follower, and don’t pretend middle school is some food chain, which you are either the top or the bottom of. And above all don’t take advice, because if there is one thing I’ve learned from you above all, it is that we do not learn well from what we are told, we learn from what we do, and who we are around, and I hope you have learned as much from me as I have learned from you.
Paul’s death is a defining moment in the lives of Paige, Kathie and I. We hope that Paul‘s disability and death aren’t what define him for everyone. Besides fundraising, for me today is about helping people remember how Paul made them feel. He was an enthusiastic teammate, a big personality, and just a fun kid to have around. The preparation for Paulpalooza this summer has been an amazing journey full of generosity from many people. From old friends to some who we really don’t even know, there are dozens who helped throw the party today. Obviously, Paul’s story has a lot of power. I hope people look around the crowd today and wonder how one kid could bring all these people and positive vibes together. We can all live off that for a while, together. #paulpalooza #paulsparty
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Must-read interview with the Polish-born Zygmunt Bauman, one of the most significant sociologist in the world. Well-known author of the following books such as “Liquid Modernity”, “Liquid Times: Living in an Age of Uncertainty”, “Culture in a Liquid Modern World”, and “The Individualized Society”.
The interview “Zygmunt Bauman: ‘Social media are a trap’ is available here. Below I quote two noteworthy passages devoted to the relationships between security & freedom and a community & a network.
These are two values that are tremendously difficult to reconcile. If you want more security, you’re going to have to give up a certain amount of freedom; if you want more freedom, you’re going to have to give up security. This dilemma is going to continue forever. Forty years ago we believed that freedom had triumphed and we began an orgy of consumerism. Everything seemed possible by borrowing money: cars, homes… and you just paid for it later. The wakeup call in 2008 was a bitter one, when the loans dried up. The catastrophe, the social collapse that followed hit the middle classes particularly hard, dragging them into a precarious situation where they remain: they don’t know if their company is going to merge with another and they will be laid off, they don’t know if what they have bought really belongs to them… Conflict is no longer between classes, but between each person and society. It isn’t just a lack of security, but a lack of freedom.
The difference between a community and a network is that you belong to a community, but a network belongs to you. You feel in control. You can add friends if you wish, you can delete them if you wish. You are in control of the important people to whom you relate. People feel a little better as a result, because loneliness, abandonment, is the great fear in our individualist age. But it’s so easy to add or remove friends on the internet that people fail to learn the real social skills, which you need when you go to the street, when you go to your workplace, where you find lots of people who you need to enter into sensible interaction with.