“Self-care” has become a buzzy word in the past few years, and it means something different to everyone. At its core, self-care is knowing your needs and actually meeting them. But, for people dealing with mental illnesses, self-care takes on an even more crucial role—and one writer is making that abundantly clear.
“A few short years of twee self-care tips has convinced mentally-well people everywhere that depression is something you can just wash off in a bubble bath,” Jenny Trout explained in a thread on Twitter. “Tip: If a mentally ill person is talking about self-care, they probably mean brushing their teeth or making a sandwich. In my experience and from the stories of others, self-care is rarely a candlelit bubble bath with luxurious pampering.”
She followed that up in her Twitter thread by pointing out that there’s nothing wrong with taking bubble baths, and if they help you, that's great. But you can't expect them to help everyone—and you definitely can't treat them as a "cure" for mental illnesses. “Part of the problem is that a lot of us who are mentally ill do not have the energy or the voice to write 70 think pieces a week about yoga and bubblebaths that ‘allies’ do,” she said.
Trout tells SELF that she decided to speak out on the topic because "it’s something mentally ill people have been saying for a long time, but it feels like no one ever listens to us."
Plenty of people related in the comments section. “Seriously. I'm tired of the go exercise and breath fresh air posts. I do. Every single day. Still get beat down with depression sometimes,” one person wrote.
“Truth. My New Year's resolution this year was to brush my teeth 2x a day everyday no matter what & I did so well for like 4 months I'm really proud,” another said. “To most people I guess that's second nature or whatever but I was so proud of myself which matters to me.”
Trout also tells SELF that it's "frustrating" that people who don't struggle with mental illness interpret self-care as luxuries everyone enjoys but rarely gets time to do. "It’s all well and good to say that going to a yoga class or taking a candlelit bubble bath is self-care, but many of us operate from a place where brushing our teeth is insurmountable," she says. "That’s not to say that no mentally ill person anywhere can’t benefit from a bubble bath, because there are levels of illness and everyone has their bad and good spots. But to make only the Instagram-worthy moments the focus is destructive to people who are just trying to survive."
Self-care is important for everyone, but it’s especially crucial for people living with a mental illness.
Not only are these habits important for general wellness, but basic self-care behaviors are some of the primary things therapists evaluate when they assess a person’s mental health, clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life, tells SELF. For example, if a patient says that they struggle to get dressed in the morning and rarely shower, that might indicate that they’re depressed. “The ability to complete self-care behaviors takes mental energy and by definition, depression is a lowering of mental energy,” Mayer says.
But finding ways to help patients engage in self-care also makes it easier for them to cope with their symptoms, Mayer says. And engaging in regular tasks—like taking a shower every morning or brushing your teeth—can create a helpful sense of structure in a person’s life, he says.
Of course, there’s a wide spectrum with mental health, and everyone’s situation is different. If you have a mental health condition and don’t have issues taking care of your basic hygiene and nutrition, that doesn’t mean you don’t need self-care—it just means that your self-care needs are different, Mayra Mendez, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for mental health services at Providence Saint John's Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California, tells SELF.
Whether or not you have a mental illness, you are entitled to self-care. But what works for you may be totally different from what helps your best friend—and not necessarily Instagrammable.
There are even nuances with basic human needs—some people may not need to wash their hair every day, while others do. “You can go down the list of self-care and discover that, except for a few fundamentals such as brushing teeth, everyone is different,” Mayer says.
If you aren’t sure what self-care behaviors you need to do to meet your own needs, Ken Yeager, Ph.D., director of the Stress Trauma and Resilience program at The Ohio State University, tells SELF that focusing on the basics and creating a routine that works for you is an important first step. That may mean actually writing down the things you need to do each day, starting in the morning, like use the bathroom, brush your teeth, make your bed, eat breakfast, etc. Then, you can build from there. "You might only get the first one or two things done in a day, but with time the goal is to do more," he says.
Being kind to yourself in your own mind is also crucial, licensed therapist David Klow, founder of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago and author of You Are Not Crazy: Letters From Your Therapist, tells SELF. “Even if you are exercising, eating right, and surrounding yourself with good people, if you are unkind to yourself internally then you may still feel overwhelmed,” he says. “Developing more self-compassion is the real key to self-care.”
Self-care isn't in itself a treatment for mental illness, but it's usually an important component alongside talk therapy and/or medication, Yeager says. It can be as simple as knowing your needs and when to put yourself first. That can mean canceling plans if you just don’t have the mental energy, and knowing that it’s the best choice for you in the moment, Mendez says.
If, at the end of the day, your self-care really is "getting your nails done or having lunch with a friend," that's OK, Trout says. "[But] you're not doing anything wrong if the only self-care you can handle is very basic or a long soak in a tub exacerbates your symptoms instead of alleviating them," she continues. "It’s our cultural dialogue about mental illness that’s doing it wrong—not you."
It happens to everyone—you eat a ton after a night of drinking, but are still starving the next day. Experts explain what's up.
You're probably familiar with this story: You have a few drinks too many, come home, and dive into takeout pizza, or a bowl of pasta, or maybe old cookies you forgot you had…pretty much any food you can get your hands on. But the next morning you’re starving, even though you wolfed down plenty of food not long ago.
There are a few factors at play behind this puzzling phenomenon, women’s health expert Jennifer Wider, M.D., tells SELF. Alcohol can mess with your blood sugar, causing you to feel hungry when you might not actually be, she says. “Drinking can decrease your blood sugar levels temporarily, and overnight, after drinking, your body tries to compensate and readjust your blood glucose levels,” she explains. “As a result, you feel hunger pangs.”
Dehydration can also play a role. Alcohol is a diuretic, meaning it makes you pee more. If you’re not replacing those lost fluids, you’ll end up feeling thirsty. “Some people confuse thirst with hunger, and eat to relieve the dehydration feeling,” Wider says.
Lisa Moskovitz, C.D.N., CEO of NY Nutrition Group, agrees, and says your lowered blood sugar combined with dehydration can cause the perfect eat-everything-in-sight storm. “When you're even slightly dehydrated and are experiencing lower than normal blood sugar, your body will automatically jump into food-seeking mode to try to restore both levels back to normal,” she tells SELF. Problem is, since eating more won’t help quench your thirst, you may still feel hungry because you didn’t address the root issue.
Then there’s the fact that your body is working hard to remove the alcohol from your system. “While we are asleep, proteins are created that help the liver to remove what our body sees as toxins from the blood,” Gina Keatley, a C.D.N. practicing in New York City, tells SELF. Your body burns energy to remove the alcohol and, at the same time, your liver is not creating as much energy for the rest of the body. “When you wake up, your body [directs you] to scarf down as many calories as possible" as an energy source, says Keatley.
So, what should you do if you wake up famished after a night of drinking that may or may not have involved drunk eating? Keatley says you should eat if you’re feeling hungry—just resist the urge to eat a bunch of unhealthy food and instead reach for a nutritious breakfast. Drinking too much alcohol can reduce your ability to absorb certain nutrients like vitamin B12, thiamine, and folate, Wider says, so it may be good to eat foods rich in them, like eggs, cheese, beans, and nuts.
It’s also a good idea to drink plenty of H2O, says Moskovitz—both before you go to bed (if you think of it) and as soon as you wake up. Combined, eating well and drinking up can help you feel normal again ASAP. “Eating a nutritious breakfast and rehydrating are vital, especially if you're hungover,” Wider says. “They will give you energy and lower your chances of experiencing some of the unpleasant [hangover] symptoms.”