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Q&A: Russ and Rita Hoffman, Foster parents to more than 500 children, Moorhead, Minnesota - Catholic Digest
For the past 45 years, Russ and Rita Hoffman, have taken more than 500 foster children into their home. As one of twelve recipients of this year’s Catholic Digest heroes award (see October 2007 issue), the couple recently took the time to speak with the magazine about the blessings children bring, the challenges of parenting, and the importance of respect.
Rita: We had one child of our own and we decided we wanted more, so we applied for adoption. Instead of getting one child we got a set of triplets, so our family went from three to six in two weeks.
Rita: I think God put a desire for babies and young children in my heart, which never ends, and I said, “Yes, yes, we will take them!”
Russ: I just couldn’t understand how I was going to take care of three kids. At first they told us we were going to get two boys and a girl, but it wound up that it was two girls and a boy. I was skeptical of whether I could be a father to two boys at that time.
Rita: Yes. For thirteen years we took in mentally-challenged teenage girls — about 150. The purpose was to help them to become independent and live on their own. After that we took in twelve Vietnamese-American children. One is now a doctor, another an architect. One’s a home builder, some beauticians. We had 5 at one time who didn’t know English. They were from 9-16 years old.
Rita: Oh yeah, with a lot of them. Last week we had one of the girls that we had in 1984. She came home with her baby. It’s her first baby and she didn’t quite know all the ropes, and she said she needed some help. So, we had them for a week and it worked out great. We’ve also had some women who have had a baby and then come back to live with us for a period of time until they got out on their own.
CD: For all the blessings these children bring, I imagine there were a lot of challenges as well. What are some of the challenges you’ve faced?
Rita: Oh, we’ve been scared a few times, but it didn’t scare us too bad, evidently, because we kept on going. You’ve got to have deep faith that this is what God wants you to do, and if it’s what He wants you to be doing, He’ll give you the strength and the wherewithal to do it. Without that we wouldn’t last too long. We’ve also been very blessed in our marriage and in our life in general, and we just felt we wanted to share this with others. You have to work as a team. If you don’t work as a team, it won’t work.
Rita: It seems to be working. In March, I was diagnosed with cancer, and two days later Russ had a heart attack, so we had to put our foster care on hold for a bit, but we hope to be back. We’ve been doing this for 45 years. In May we received the National Foster Parents award in Washington D.C.
Rita: it was great. We never expected to get any awards. When you’re taking care of the kids you just zero in on that. You don’t dream about ever getting an award.
Russ: When they presented it to us, I said, “How you can enjoy what you’re doing and still receive an award for it is beyond me.” I’ve always believed that there’s a higher being guiding us. We go to church faithfully every Sunday.
Russ: Yes, but it’s just like a normal relationship. You start out as a friend and it just develops.
Rita: Many of them own their own businesses. I think one of the rewards is when they come back and thank you. We have some really grateful foster kids. One of them came back after our home was flooded and actually helped us rebuild our house. We wouldn’t have this any other way. We’re happy doing what we’re doing.
Rita: Oh, we got a couple of hours one time. (Both laugh) I think we enjoy each other so much, and we enjoy what we’re doing so much that we don’t need that kind of assistance. It’s something we enjoy every day.
Russ: Yup. We usually take a week off every fall and go off by ourselves. Lately, we’ve been traveling in North Dakota.
Rita: There are certainly more problems out there. But our idea of how to parent is pretty much cut in stone. You have to be concise, and consistent.
Rita: I think you have to meet the child where they’re at, especially in foster care. You can’t expect miracles overnight, and some children you can’t expect to change a whole lot along the way, because of their difficulties, and you have to parent them differently. You have to work with what you have.
Rita: Oh yes, we’d pray every night with the kids. We’d say the night prayers, or we’d ask them to ask God to protect their families, their moms and dads, so that we know we’re not against their parents, that we think well of them. And when we’d take them along with us to church we’d tell them to remember to pray for their parents and their families. For the last seven years we’ve gone to the birthday parties of two boys that we cared for that were adopted. We’ve kept in touch with the adoptive parents and families. For a lot of the older girls, they have no parents left, so we’re mom and dad to them.