Several women in the news media revealed this week that they had been victims of domestic violence. “I didn’t discuss it before this because I didn’t want to be perceived as a victim,” one newswoman admitted on a cable television station.
In the Women’s Writing Circle we have shared many stories of violence, not just physical violence but emotional and verbal abuse; and it is not always a partner or a spouse, but a family member who intimidates and then violates a woman's physical and emotional boundaries pushing her to the brink of despair and depression.
In the five years of leading the Circle, I would say without a doubt that stories of domestic violence and abuse – spouses who verbally, physically and emotionally abuse, and parents who do likewise – engaging in abuse of their daughters, have been the most prevalent in read around.
Yet it takes a professional athlete beating his wife to bring into national focus the epidemic of domestic violence against women. The NFL is a culture of cover-up. So is our society when it comes to abuse against women. Domestic violence and abuse against women have remained a shameful secret, swept under the rug, the victim often blamed.
My first encounter with domestic violence occurred when I was a beat reporter for a suburban weekly newspaper. I covered police news and was leafing through the police reports one night when I recognized a name. It jumped out at me because she had been one of my best friends in high school, a big girl, star athlete, lacrosse player. Now I read how her husband had thrown her up against a kitchen wall, punched her and bloodied her nose.
Three weeks later, a similar report appeared and yet another six months later about my friend and her husband. He had again beaten her, neighbors heard shouting and screaming, and police were called. The details are vague now, almost 40 years later, but I remember I phoned her. We had drifted apart since college. I felt at a loss for words. I wanted to help, but not violate her privacy. As I recall she did plan on leaving him, had even gotten a protection from abuse order against him, but he stalked her, begged her to take him back. Our friendship was never the same, maybe because I wanted to help but didn’t understand why she didn’t just change the locks, divorce him, or maybe it was her inability to ever call me to talk. I believe she felt humiliated and embarrassed that I knew. I’ll never know since our friendship faded.
With the Ray Rice NFL scandal, the lines have been drawn, once again, in the usual fashion. Although Rice was caught on tape punching his then fiancée, now wife, in the face, women who believe Rice is not at fault wear T-shirts with his name and proclaim it is the wife’s fault for what happened. Some - men and women have called her a “gold digger” for remaining with him. Psychologists say battered women remain at an abuser’s side because she believes she is the only one who “can heal him.”
While statistics show that one in seven men is a victim of domestic violence, this is in reality a woman’s issue affecting one in four relationships. Name calling and putdowns, withholding money, keeping a partner alienated from family and friends – stalking and sexual assault form the gristmill of abuse. Women who remain in abusive relationships, I believe, often struggle with guilt and shame . . . even misplaced pity for their abuser.
As we write our stories and share them in the Circle, we empower ourselves and say, this can happen to anyone. "Shame" becomes a shared experience, a validation that we are not alone, the "secret" is out in the open.
I think about the many women who wrote the truth of their stories. They have come to me in the Circle or privately with their stories of partners who abuse them, parents who did the unthinkable. That's when I remember that line from one of my favorite movies, Goodwill Hunting where Sean, the psychiatrist played by Robin Williams, finally gets through to his client, Will Hunting, abused by his stepfather,
Here in my own little corner of the world, we are doing what we can in our community to bring the issue of domestic violence to light. My church is presenting on Sept. 23, Domestic Violence in Chester County: Awareness, Prevention and Healing. If you live locally, I hope you can join us for this important discussion.
ALSO: Last week's winner of a free copy of Karen Levy's In My Father's Gardens goes to Cathy Coffman.
The recent UK-EU membership referendum (referred to as ‘Brexit’) resulting in an overall vote for UK to leave the EU as opposed to remaining an EU member, has Bangladesh’s apex garment manufacturer’s entity – Bangladesh Garment Manufacturers and Exporters Association (BGMEA), prominent economists and trade bodies expecting negative impact on Bangladesh’s exports, especially on apparels, as the UK is the third largest garment importer from Bangladesh.
Like many other countries, economists and analysts in Dhaka also expressed apprehensions about probable negative impact of UK’s exit from the EU, among which are losing duty benefits on Bangladesh’s exports, decline in remittance inflow and volatility in the foreign exchange market… “It seems that our export to Bangladesh’s big market – the UK will be under pressure. We seek Government support so that we can maintain smooth export to the region,” reportedly stated BGMEA Vice President (Finance) Mohammed Nasir to a news agency.
Dhaka Chamber of Commerce and Industry (DCCI) has also urged the Government to immediately take into account possible consequences and take precautionary measures to deal with the developments, besides requesting the Government to initiate focused bilateral discussions with UK to find alternative way outs and avoid unforeseen economic repercussions. In the wake Britain’s exit from the EU, the Government has now reportedly decided to form a committee to fix the next course of action. “A new situation has been created after Britain voted to break away from the EU in a historic referendum,” said Commerce minister Tofail Ahmed, adding the Tariff Commission Chairman would lead the proposed committee as the country needs to keep its business interest unharmed.
Reacting on the development, prominent economist of the country, Dr. Khondaker Golam Moazzem reportedly maintained that if the ‘volatility’ continues in Britain’s internal economy, such a situation may discourage import in Britain. “In that case, there might be an impact on Bangladesh’s export,” Moazzem underlined, while former advisor to the caretaker Government, Dr. AB Mirza Azizul Islam reportedly said Bangladesh’s export might be affected to some extent. “If the value of both British Pound and Euro falls, there’ll be a negative impact on Bangladesh’s export,” reportedly maintained Islam.
It may be mentioned here that Bangladesh enjoys full duty- and quota-free access to the EU for all its exports with the exception of arms and armaments under EU’s ‘Everything but Arms’ arrangement. Since UK left the EU, Bangladesh now will have to renegotiate trade agreement with the UK after two years, since the decision of leaving the EU will come into effect after 2018 only.
Vietnamese textile industry experts feel that immediate Brexit impacts on the market are unlikely. No significant impact will be there on the textile trade too, as the UK currently accounts for only 3 per cent of Vietnam’s textile export to the EU.
As far as bilateral trade ties between Vietnam and the UK are concerned, experts are of the opinion that the situation will remain a little tough at the moment, but there will be no major impacts from the Brexit in long term. Vu Duc Giang, Chairman of Vietnam Textile and Apparel Association (VITAS) is of the opinion that UK’s decision to leave the EU will have certain impacts on the roadmap to realize the free trade agreement between Vietnam and the EU in the coming time. In the immediate term, export orders to the UK are unfazed. There will certainly changes in the longer term but I believe there will be no severe impact for Vietnam’s textile industry.”
On the other side, leather and handbag industry will also remain unaffected… Nguyen Duc Thanh, Chairman of Vietnam Leather, Footwear and Handbag Association (LEFASO) says that compared with other EU countries, the UK also accounts for a modest share of Vietnam’s footwear export, so the impacts, if any, will not be significant.