United States President Donald Trump has officially declared a dick-measuring contest with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un. The declaration came last Tuesday via social media when the President tweeted the following:
“Kim Jon Un doesn’t know what hes doing, doesn’t have the balls to use nukes. As you can see,America does.” The President tweeted this remark accompanying a picture of what could be his testicles, though some speculate it is an unfocused photograph of two raisins fighting each other in a desert.
Kim Jong-Un responded saying, “The President does not know what he’s talking about. North Korea has the power to be victorious over America. Our nukes are bigger than yours.”
Trump hopped onto Twitter to fire back, saying, “America is still Number 1 in the nukes and our nukes are biggest in the world, there yuge. Kim Jong un is WRONG.”
Hours later, King Jong-Un said, “The size of the nuke doesn’t matter, it’s the motion of the ocean that makes winds to carry the fallout all over your small country.”
President Trump then threatened to start a nuclear war with North Korea as well as any other nation that speaks ill of America’s size. A White House spokesman assured Americans that the President knows what he’s doing and that this is what Americans signed up for on election day.
“The President is committed now more than ever to his initial message of making America great again,” said the spokesman. “He’s doing everything he can to take us back to that great time when every American was terrified of nuclear war.”
July 4, 2017 July 11, 2017 circuskiller Trump Tuesday	America, Britain, Donald Trump, England, Independence Day, July 4th, nuclear war, POTUS, president, President Trump, travel, travel ban, Trump, Trump Tuesday, Twitter, UK, United Kingdom, war	
On the morning of July 4th, 2017, US President Donald Trump made a tweet that seemed to allude to an upcoming war between America and the United Kingdom. The tweet came on the morning of America’s Day of Independence from the UK, and read:
“Still committed to Making America great again, like when we WON against weak low-ratings British. Great moment for US, will happn again!!”
While many Trump fans were quick to defend their lord and savior and pretend the tweet had no malevolent context, members of Trump’s inner-circle have confirmed that the President is looking to start some kind of a war.
“The President has wanted to lead the country through a war for months now,” said a white guy in a suit. “He’s been trying to choose the right country to start a war with ever since he first took office, but he hasn’t found the time to go through all his options due to his busy schedule of playing golf and doing what we tell him to do.”
The spokesman went on to say that the President may have already decided on which country he’ll go to war with, but he isn’t telling anybody.
“We know it’s going to be a country that America has already fought a war against,” continued the spokesman. “This tweet would suggest that England is the biggest contender, but I don’t think he’s ruled out the Germans, the Vietnamese, or the Native Americans.”
President Trump has also suggested in his tweets that he isn’t against using nuclear weapons in a war, tweeting:
“I’m a lot like Pres Harry Thurman b/c I will do whats right to end conflict and daughter Uma almost as hot as Ivanka.”
Americans will have to wait and see if a war between the US and the UK actually breaks out. Circus Killer News tried to send a team “across the pond” to see if the British were at all worried about a war, however the Trump travel ban and information embargo now includes every country in the world.
January 20, 2017 January 20, 2017 circuskiller Factual Friday, Politics	border wall, Donald Trump, Harriet Tubman, Illuminati, impeachment, Inauguration, Melania, nuclear war, POTUS, president, Russia, Statue of Liberty, Trump	
Millions of Americans woke up today to see an internet meme get sworn into the office of President of the United States, but there is a ray of hope in this time of uncertainty. Many pundits believe that the pompousness responsible for Donald Trump’s success could also lead to his early downfall. Here are 14 realistic ways Trump could get impeached before his term is up.
1. Details could leak to the press about the time Donald helped his son Eric cover up a number of grizzly serial murders.
5. Trump could lose public trust by declaring war on fictional character Van Helsing for hunting down Melania’s kind.
7. He likely could disrobe during a press conference to show us all that “it’s still working down there,” in an effort to dispel rumors.
8. His tax returns could leak, revealing that he’s actually been paying the federal government far too much and has been a commie this whole time.
9. A push to get Harriet Tubman removed from the $20 bill will lead to a push to get Donald himself printed on that same bill, irreparably devaluing the USD.
13. Trump will attempt to nuke Switzerland for remaining neutral during World War III but authorize a nuclear strike on Swaziland instead believing they’re the same thing.
14. An inexplicable wave of sanity will overcome your elected representatives who will then use their power to support the people, make a better future for generations to come and unite the world. Oh, wait… sorry, I forgot these were supposed to be “realistic” possibilities.