Don’t let Hallmark fool you, members. Your heart is not a two-dimensional paper cut-out meant to be dressed up with cherubs and contrived sentiment then given away to someone else. No, as a Hot Electric, Angioblastic, Rhythm Train, your heart is the pump that gets you back to you. So this week, as Valentine’s Day looms on the horizon and Eros sits like a don waiting for protection money, don’t get hung up on the slings and arrows of sap. Instead, lay hands on a copy of Gray’s anatomy, open to plate 505, and laud with love your heart’s anatomical, kinetic, muscular greatness and remember: it’s keeping time for you. The least you can do is tap your foot to the beat.
posted in aging, Baby Boomers, culture, Exisitentialism, Fitness, health, Journal, middle age, middle aged men, money, older men, Relevance	on September 23, 2015 by	Jay Rusovich Comments Off on On Health and Fitness, Boomers Enter Uncharted Waters [music to the ears of our physicians]	
In the parlance of older men like me, understanding my situation roughly translates, “Understanding the psychopathology of older men living life like there’s no tomorrow, because, as a practical matter, there isn’t.”
Obviously, this is not literal. But in the context of what men think of “living,” a few years down the road is the opposite.
It’s really kind of Buddhist, but since we don’t live like Buddhists the allusion only works at cocktail functions after about two hours of drinking and fudging accomplishments.
Back to the Internist, I enter the plush setting situated at ground zero of an uber-expensive zip code, and am handed a few pages to sign that have everything to do with money and nothing whatsoever to do with health.
Furthermore, “I_______ understand that insurance is not accepted, except in the case of blood work, in which case insurer shall cover the cost of such services.”
Okay, so I wanted personalized service from a new Internist who would be available to me on an as-needed basis, still unfortunately this would still be at the $500/hour rate.
Most people would take one look at this paperwork and walk out the door. But to guys like me who want medical care and advice the way we want prompt room service, we pay through the teeth for it.
After a conversation about life, love and the pursuit of immortality, my bill for the visit was $645, which after all did include the drawing of blood.
All of this brings me to my point, which is older men have no idea what to do – or, for that matter, what to expect – where optimal health and fitness are concerned.
The reason for this is that there are no established baselines, which is precisely because there has never been a generation like this one in the history of mankind.
3] Many of us can afford better service, and since we’re no longer 25, we won’t sit in the back of the bus anymore [something not lost on those who send us bills].
4] Many of us are divorced and dating women half our age, which throws a whole new level of confusion into the mix.
5] Mid Life Crisis is something most driven, successful men experience at 10 times the rate of men who are happy with an outdoor grill and wife who loves them for who they are.
If I walk into a gym and start to feeling fatigued after 30 minutes of cardio, is it because I’m old, or that I’m on the verge of a stroke?
Do I need to push my body harder so that I can handle more physical stress, or am I already at my threshold?
If I were 18 my high school coach would throw me against a wall for hurling in the middle of practice.
If my blood work looks good, am I green-lighted to workout like I did in college, or is blood work coupled with age mitigating?
But we all understand that the party won’t go on forever no matter what we do, which never stops us from trying.
posted in aging, Baby Boomers, culture, Exisitentialism, Journal, middle age, middle aged men, money, narcissism, older men, psychology, Relevance	on September 22, 2015 by	Jay Rusovich Comments Off on Jon Stewart on “Relevance Waning”	
“To everybody on television, I just want to tell you, cling to it as long as you can,” Stewart advised onstage. “Like death, like in the Titanic. Cling to it!”
“I’ve been off of television for six weeks, seven weeks, whatever it is, this is the first applause I’ve heard. It is a barren wasteland out there,” Stewart deadpanned.
I write a lot about “relevance” in the context of older men, and how the lack of it is akin to surgical castration.
Retired athlete now a drug addict; baron of business blows his brains out when risk trumps reward; once-famous actor fades into oblivion under a street lamp in the dead of night with a needle in his arm.
Donald Trump once stated, “…there is nothing more voracious than this man’s hunger for wealth, fame and power,” and after being exposed to many such men in my life, the statement couldn’t be more true.
He misses the applause, the notoriety, the power in a way similar to addicts when on the precipice of withdrawal.
Ask any retired rock musician what he misses most and the first sentence out of his mouth is “I miss my fans.”
When it’s over, he goes back to the other guy, the one who’s a bit resigned, frustrated, bittersweet, sensitive, mildly depressed.
Once you’re on stage there’s no where else to go, particularly when you’re Stewart’s age with decades ahead of you … to do what? Fish?
There are men who’ve made fortunes many times over and are happy to live in relative obscurity with their riches and anonymity.
But the vast majority of them still need some place to hang a shingle, whether it’s starting a charitable foundation, writing books, lecturing, or buying gold-diggers.
Without purpose, we’re nothing more than a memory with a large bank account, which is never big enough to fill in all the empty spaces.
Nothing fills the void when you feel like you no longer matter, even when you do to everyone, but yourself.
No wonder famous rock musicians continue to tour long after the money’s made, – and talk show hosts go on set, night after night, to the sound of their bands, famous guests and high Arbitron ratings.
As an older man who has done a lot with his life, I can personally attest to the fact that people like me don’t lie down for long because an idle life is, indeed, a “barren wasteland.”
posted in aging, Baby Boomers, culture, Exisitentialism, Journal, middle age, middle aged men, older men	on September 20, 2015 by	Jay Rusovich Comments Off on The Spirit of Youth at Midlife: Why Men Need Space to “Misbehave”	
If you’re in the same generation as your husband, you may want to keep the following things in mind as you age together:
If he wants a motorcycle, you don’t have to jump up and down with joy about it. But you need to respect his desire to do something he’s always wanted to do, but couldn’t for all the reasons one might expect [i.e., job, children, et al].
Most men I know have already proven themselves financially, and now they just want to go back to feeling the way they did when it all started, mostly because they can afford to.
Women should understand [and respect] that men must feel like men in order to continue functioning as men.
Sometimes this includes the viewing of pornography, which most consider normal and well-adjusted behavior.
But for you women who consider it a form of cheating, you can either walk out on your otherwise faithful husband of 25 years, or just go with the flow.
Always keep your marriage a priority, particularly after the kids are gone, and never, ever take him for granted unless you want a hooker at your door at 3 o’clock in the morning with a ransom demand.
In study after study, it has been demonstrated that an aging man’s greatest fears are all quite similar no matter who he happens to be.
This is why they are always having their cholesterol checked, their testosterone increased, and their fitness regimen on a fast track.
It is an indignity to most, and the reason so many suffer clinical depression after an injury or illness.
A man with a lifetime of exemplary accomplishments is usually proud of what he’s done, and least likely to let go of it freely.
After all, you’re only as good as your last accomplishment, and if it was over a decade ago, you’ll never have anything to say for yourself at cocktail functions.
There are other concerns, of course, like losing one’s mind, but they are usually subordinate to the ones I just mentioned.
posted in aging, Baby Boomers, culture, Journal, middle age, middle aged men, psychology, Relevance, younger women	on September 18, 2015 by	Jay Rusovich Comments Off on Ageism Strikes…Again.	
The fact that this is a “story” at all speaks to the lingering ageism in the same world that’s witnessed Olympian Bruce Jenner morph into Caitlin, and gay marriage legalized.
It says that there are lots of pissed off older women who feel left behind, and just as many young men who feel that they can’t compete with older men of affluence and power.
posted in aging, Baby Boomers, beauty, culture, feminism, Journal, older women, plastic surgery, psychology, Relevance, sex	on September 11, 2015 by	Jay Rusovich Comments Off on The “Plankton” Generation – Revisited	
As most people know by now, there’s a phrase coined for 45-plus women on the dating scene – the Plankton Generation.
It refers to women who are barely visible, and are “hanging at the bottom of the food chain” when it comes to attracting a mate.
It has been my experience that while older women find it difficult to find mates who fit their preferred profiles, they are better adapted to accepting – and making the very best of – the realities of aging.
According to Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a noted Yale professor of psychology women’s lives get better with age, not worse. Rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide in women go down, not up, as women grow older, and she contributes that to the natural strengths women possess — coping skills, empathy, ability to listen, patience — which help them to tackle new problems and situations that arise as they age. It also gives them the courage to pursue new paths.
First, they have a tendency not to maintain close friendships with other men, nor do the friendships they do have involve any meaningful degree of emotional intimacy and support.
Women, on the other hand, cherish and nurture their friendships with other women which helps them navigate life’s many stages.
“Contrary to women, men do not celebrate older age as a time of joy, love, and fulfillment for all they have worked for and grown to be over their lifetimes,” as Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema states.
Note: Among the older adults, who were facing the adversities that come with aging, the men showed less inclination to use these important coping skills compared to the women. In other words, older women were more likely than older men to tap their mental, emotional, and relational strengths to deal with adversity, which in turn left them less vulnerable to depression and anxiety in the face of difficulty.
Contrary to popular opinion, women over 50 tend to find their confidence and increased levels of satisfaction from within… not from without.
Even in the face of our cultural obsession with youth and beauty, older women place a greater emphasis and pride on their own maturity, experience and wisdom.
But, make no mistake: “women over 50 think they’re looking pretty good, too:” according to Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema’s study, women’s body images actually become more positive as they move from their 20s, 30s and 40s, into midlife.
While many men consider this deluded thinking, it works in women’s favor given their level of self-acceptance.
Put another way, while women may not get their immediate needs met, they more than make up for it through friendships and outside interests.
A few of the websites and blogs that are especially effective at reflecting the interests and concerns of women over 50 include:
Writer Barbara Hannah Grufferman asked her friends on Facebook, Are women better at aging than men? and here’s what a few of them had to say (reprinted with their permission):
Barbara Briggs Ward: I think the tide has turned. Women are more in charge of their aging. They are no longer giving in to it. They run; walk; try new careers; eat well; find new loves. Age no longer means slowing down and retreating. Age does not define a woman-for better or worse. It only opens new doors for them. And I think all of this has given women an edge over the men who are used to doors always being open.
Denise Taylor Tremaine: You don’t ever hear, or rarely, of women going through a mid-life crisis… we handle everything with grace.
Kim Okerson: I agree that the social pressure on women is far greater, but it is up to each of us to have the grace and dignity to accept that our age is state of mind.
Connie Katon Wingo: The emotional impact of aging is difficult for men, I’d say. In their youth, they were able to have the perception of controlling their environment. Their identities as men were so often tied to their sexual perception and themselves. Their sex drive slows down, and for a great deal of men their “manhood,” is tied into their perception of their sexuality. Also, as men begin to age in the workforce, their roles begin to change and coping with the feeling of obsoleteness is frightening, possibly causing men to feel more insecure about aging.
Melody George: I dont think one gender has it over another on aging. I think with men and women it is equally daunting or exciting depending on the person.
Whatever your thoughts are on this… here’s the fundamental truth: the more we stick together, the happier we will be.
As for the coping skills that older men do happen to have at their disposal, please note the following:
2] The distraction from existential pain using bigger homes, Aspen vacations and sports cars as leverage.
Normal, well-adjusted older men have age-appropriate wives, children and grandchildren, for God’s sake.
They have vacation homes where everyone comes together at holidays and embraces all that life has given them.
posted in aging, Baby Boomers, culture, Journal, middle aged men, narcissism, older men, older women, plastic surgery, psychology, Relevance, sex, transgender	on September 9, 2015 by	Jay Rusovich Comments Off on What “Normal” Looks Like for Rich, Big City Boomers	
I have nothing more to say…other than the fact that enough money and success have a way of opening doors to behavior that might otherwise remain hidden behind pleated khakis and anonymous Internet hook-ups.
posted in aging, Baby Boomers, culture, Exisitentialism, Journal, middle aged men, psychology, Relevance	on September 9, 2015 by	Jay Rusovich Comments Off on Excerpt from Urban Dystrophy [the book] on what Midlife Crisis Looks Like from the Inside	
“I’m sitting at a white plastic table in front of a wine bar. It’s one o’clock on a Tuesday morning and an empty parking lot is the only landscape.
Most guys my age are asleep. Their time came and went, and they let go in that unconscious way most men do when their stories have been told and the end is a long, drawn-out epitaph.
I have no place to go that I haven’t already been, and nothing to do but wait and hope and sometimes pray for mercy that relevance and that one big love will one day redeem me, but it never does. Not really.
There have been exceptions, but the grace is never a hundred percent and you have to make peace with that the best you can.
We’re members of the bitten, the damned, the fighters against the forces of time until we no longer can.
Most of us are children of narcissists, narcissists who never died because narcissists never do—they’re just recycled and the kids are left to clean up the mess.
To my late father, it meant carrying a business card with his name on it next to “Chairman and CEO.”
I inherited this “gene,” if you will, and continue to struggle with what it means to feel a viable part of a world I’ve already traversed a thousand times.
Aging rockers continue to tour long after the songs have been written and the money’s in the bank. They don’t know what else to do with themselves, and more importantly, the limelight is better than no light at all.
Movie producers keep producing movies because they want to feel like they have more stories to tell, that there’s still juice in the tank…that they’re still viable.
I even heard a guy in Aspen say that no matter how much money he had to throw around during ski season, he still felt invisible:
What he was saying was that he felt invisible in a world where money and power and influence and connections are the sole determinants of human value.
A key principle of sex positivism is owning your sex: which means taking ownership of the sex you have, the sex you want to share and your sexual explorations and discoveries. It also means that nobody should restrict the sex you choose to have and that you are responsible for the sex you engage in (or not, of course!). This, lets face it, sounds like a big responsibility… especially if sex was something that “just happenes”, like it is to many people.
One of the participants in the workshop commented on this activity: “I found this really quite challenging. I never really actively thought about the sex that I wanted to have. Sure, I knew of a few fantasies and I knew what kind of positions I liked. But really sitting down and writing down a sexual vision for me felt like a massive challenge”. He… [End of preview]