Well now…after taking a long break from blogging I have decided to get back into the swing of it. There has been a lot happening lately and the number one new thing in my life is that I’m pregnant! 🙂 🙂
Yup, my husband and I are expecting a bouncing baby girl in August 2016 and we are beyond excited! This is our first baby and we can’t wait to be parents 🙂
These body changes have been a whirlwind of emotions. I wanted a bump to show right away but I was in the “burrito phase” for a long time (aka when you look like you just ate a big burrito). Then late in my second trimester I just popped out and went seemingly overnight from tiny bump to whoah! bump. I’m 31 weeks pregnant now and just getting bigger 🙂
Early on in my first trimester I gained 12 pounds due to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the joy of constant nausea where eating simple carbs was the only thing that made me not want to puke. In my second trimester I gained 10 pounds in a few weeks (shocked me!) as the baby went through a growth spurt. You can see that growth spurt for sure in the photos. And now I go back and forth between feeling huge and just feeling normal but with something kicking me constantly from the inside.
As a person who has struggled with body image issues (um…who hasn’t really?) I struggled with these changes at first. I came home crying from Target a few months in because I was trying on maternity shirts and bras and saw back fat in the mirror (yeah, still in the burrito phase then) and just felt fat, not pregnant. I started gaining some extra weight in my arms and thighs and would beat myself up. But I decided (with prodding from friends and my husband) that I needed to let go of my old ideas about what I should look like as a pregnant lady and just look like myself.
I desperately want to be the cute pregnant lady with the strong and sculpted arms who gained all her baby weight in her stomach. Well, that’s not realistic for me because 1) I have never had sculpted arms and have tended toward fat arms (its probably genetic, just ask my sister), 2) I tend to gain weight in my hips and thighs and am naturally a pear shape, and 3) I love ice cream way too much.
I didn’t even gain noticeable boobs out of this deal (well, not yet anyway). I went from an A cup to a B which is nice for me and I feel like it helps fill me out proportionally a bit. I don’t really care about the boobs though. I’ve been small all my life and anything more would just get in the way haha.
What I have done is focused on bonding with my baby and my body. It is doing an amazing thing and I am constantly surprised to see how much I am changing and growing to accommodate this new life. Sure, I find myself taking my weekly bumpie photos and frowning at my fat arms or glaring at myself in the mirror and asking my husband if I am fat in the face now. His response is always “You look great! You’re pregnant! It’s okay!” He is my biggest cheerleader 🙂 I also had a hard time getting on the scale and seeing how high the numbers got. In my second trimester I stopped weighing myself at home and only weighed in at the doctor’s office which helped to take my mind off of it. I have still tipped the scales more than I have ever weighed in my life and I feel that when I try to move around and especially go for a run (so hard to do now!).
Banishing those negative thoughts are not always easy and it was a lot harder for me prior to 24 weeks pregnant because I have an anterior placenta and could not feel the baby move until then. I felt upset that I was missing out on those movements and bonding time with the baby. I felt like I was just really bloated and not pregnant really. Reassurance from my friends and husband coupled with prayer really helped. I had to let go of those negative thoughts because really, I’m doing fine and I’m pregnant, it’s okay! 🙂
I am trying to eat well (totally not perfect at that) and exercise (which is harder and harder to do) and generally trying to focus on being healthy for the baby. I have already gained 40 pounds since conceiving and although that is above the 25-35 recommended pounds of weight gain, my midwife isn’t concerned because I am overall healthy and she said that some women just gain a lot and that’s just how it goes for them. I was an 8 pound baby after all and she said I am measuring somewhat ahead so I will not have a 5 pounder for sure. But that’s okay with me. I still feel like a strong and capable woman and I am growing my baby and caring for her as best I can. That is the feeling I want to focus on.