His glasses were lying on my dresser and he was spread out on the far side of the bed – his daddy’s side – because he likes the way it feels there up near the wall. But he also knows his mom likes her side and her pillow and he gives me plenty of room to crawl in and start talking.
I’ve often dreaded this ritual of Wednesday nights. Because I’m lazy and tired and after 9pm I don’t want to be on duty anymore. I want to be buried deep in the storyline of a great TV show.
But he’s going to be 11 and he still wants to do Wednesday nights so I’ve been talking seriously to myself about it. While he wants to share I want to listen. I want to build into him the muscle memory that me and his dad are the safest place for hard questions.
So I turn on the playlist of bedtime music and settle in next to him and just stare at him until he starts to grin awkwardly and asks me, “What? What are you looking at mom?”
And he laughs and then he sighs and rolls over to look at the ceiling. “I’m not big. I’m little. Everyone teases me about how small I am.”
My heart clenches with all kinds of complicated feelings and I tell him, “Oh man, but you used to be a tiny, squishy bundle of baby next to me and now you’re 11.”
And I laugh because he’s already a giant compared to the baby version of him that is the template I won’t ever be able to let go. It’s the measuring stick I’ll always have in my mind when I look over at this first born of mine and wonder how on earth those arms and legs folded up tiny enough to fit under my skin.
“But look how tall your mom is,” I tell him. “And your uncles are giants – both nearly six feet. Your time will come, son. Your time will come. Just you wait.”
If you want to hear what your kid is thinking you have to be willing to wait. We wait quietly next to one another as the country music he doesn’t like plays – because I chose the music tonight.
And out of the comfortable darkness all kinds of questions bubble up. We talk about my first kiss and we talk about my last kiss. Because that’s the one he cares the most about – the last first kiss. Because it was with his dad.
I lie there remembering and it’s all so fresh again when I watch it play out reflected in his fascinated eyes.
All these questions about everyday questions from the girl in the school corridor who didn’t believe him when he told her that “sex” was also a way of describing someone’s gender.
And he’s quiet as he thinks about the things kids say, the things that bother them, the things he doesn’t understand yet.
So I tell him that those kinds of questions aren’t going to stop. The next few years might get bumpy around him, I say. Boys and girls are going to be discovering their own bodies and each other and the journey can be intense.
“You know, when I was a teenager kids used to tease me about how skinny I was,” I tell him. And he rolls over to face me with his whole body and moves even closer.
“Yea, I was this crazy, skinny little girl and there was nothing I could do about it. They used to call me a flea on toothpicks.”
But it’s the first time my first born is hearing it and the next thing I know he’s wrapped his own skinny arms and legs around me and is lying curled up on my back with his whole sweet self wrapped around me.
His heart is fiercely strong and I roll over and hug him back and he tucks himself into me and says, “You can snuggle me now mom.”
I know we’ll both be tired in the morning. On Wednesdays we always stay up too late. But that’s on purpose. That’s parenting in the quiet dark when time stands still because we’re standing on the holy ground of a kid who’s invited you into their world.
I have to remind myself every week. It’s worth it. This being willing to be present when you’re tired. This being willing to be available way past the day’s expiration date.
I lie listening to him breathe, feeling the inhale and exhale of those bones and blood and lungs under my arms. I squeeze tighter and let go quickly because I don’t want to disrupt him, or this moment.
I just lie in the darkness cocooned with my son and if I didn’t know better I’d think the moment was ordinary.
My girl (7 1/2) couldn’t sleep last night and so we ended up snuggling together in my bed all night long. It was nice (because it hadn’t happened in a long time – it does get old when it’s all the time!)
First, my hat is off to you, because it really can be *so* hard to keep on keepin’ on, when you just want the day to be over and the kids in bed so you can be off duty (as much as a parent can be, anyway) for a little while.
Second, I may see if there’s a way to incorporate this into our weeks somehow. My daughter is seven and a half, and there are some days I feel like I hardly know here anymore, which makes me really sad. It can be hard to keep getting to know this changing-every-day child around meals and lessons and chores and bedtimes. Thanks for sharing this.
We walk together three times a week and we climb hills and breathe hard and once we reach the summit, we walk flat and straight and I wait and listen… and it is such a gift. Because, really – she could be spending her time with anyone… but because of nightly rituals and years waiting in the dark for the questions to come… because of Wednesday nights… she still chooses me.
I love this idea. I’m curious if you do it with your other 2? We have 5 and if we give them each a night…. that’s a lot of extra parenting hours.
My husband hangs out with my son (newly 13) after we say prayers and I say goodnight to him. It’s special time for them because my husband doesn’t get to spend nearly the amount of time I do with our boy. For me, though I don’t have the beautiful ritual you do, the minivan is often our sacred ground. Similar to the “safety” of the dark, eyes are typically focused on the road for the most part, and things bubble up. Questions. Anecdotes. Frustrations. No matter when these times happen for me, as there is no specific designated time…it could be driving, during homework, watching a show, whenever…my challenge is to make sure I am fully present. To show up. Engage. Fight any distractions. Actually, now that I write this, I think this is an overall challenge for me, and probably most moms, because there is so much flying through my head that I (and we) are responsible for. Thanks for sharing, Lisa-Jo. Thoughtful and beautiful, as usual.
Hi Lisa-Jo, I have two boys and sometimes I wonder if they will let me in when they get older. So many parents complain about their kids not talking to them and I don’t want that. So thanks. Thanks for proving kids still open up to their parents and thanks for showing how. Be intentional, be willing, be patient.
This takes being intentional, and that’s what you’ve done. You’ve built that trust and space into him and he knows he can trust you.
As he gets older it will be late nights, that’s when teens tend to want to talk, but it will still be worth it!
Thanks for the encouragement. I totally relate to the shutting down at 9:00. My oldest becomes a teenager in less than 2 months and some nights I’m asleep before her. A great reminder that “big kids” still like to be tucked in. :)
I thought I would give away my very first blog candy since my counter hit 1,000 today! (I know that number isn’t very high for some of your blogs, but since I am so new at this blogging thing, I am excited!) I thought I would give away a few extra things that I have lying around including:
All you need to do is leave a comment on this post and I will randomly choose a winner on Monday! Make sure to enter your email address so that I can contact you to get your mailing address if you are the winner. Since not to many people know about my blog yet, your chances of winning are pretty good.
I will be leaving tomorrow morning for CTMH's Regional Celebration in Vegas and won't be back until Sunday. It will be fun for me to see how many comments will be waiting when I get back!
I cased this card from my good friend and fellow CTMH consultant Christine Adams. She does such fabulous work!! I changed my version just a bit. I used CTMH’s Friendship Blessings and Rustic Flowers stamp sets and the sentiment came from Papertrey’s new Mixed Messages stamp set. I used a finger dauber to add a little black ink to the middle of the paper flowers, then I folded them over and glued them on. I used 3-D foam squares on the front panel to give it a little more dimension.
Even though it was almost 4 years ago, I still remember the day I took these photos. It was a really hot day and I had my little guy wearing nothing but a diaper to stay cool. I spread out my soft down comforter and we played on the floor for a while. He looked so cute that, of course, I had to grab my camera. These are a few of the shots that I took. It’s hard to believe that my precious Ryan is now a tall (although very skinny) 4-1/2 year old.
As with most of my old scrapbooking stash, I’m not sure where most of the products came from. I’ve had the metal-type letters and labels lying around forever. I am glad to finally use them.
I have been wanting to get an inexpensive sewing machine to sew on my cards and layouts for a long time. (I would actually love to learn how to “really” sew someday too, but I just can’t afford another hobby at the moment.) I had heard that Janome’s Sew Mini was great for sewing paper and cardstock, so I checked it out online. I found one on sale for only $34.99 at Hancock Fabrics, so I ordered it. I just got a shipping notice that it will be here Tuesday! Yippee!! Now all I need to do is figure out how to use it. Hee-hee. If anyone has any tips or suggestions for a true beginner, I'd love to hear them. Hopefully I will be able to post something made with it next week.
I know that it isn’t Autumn anymore, but I just love this card. I wish I could take full credit for it, but it was actually inspired by a card by Yvonnne Wickham. The top panel is raised with some 3-D foam squares.
This is a layout that I did a couple of years ago. (I will be 38 this May.) I am posting it because many of you don’t know me yet and I thought this was kind of a fun way to find out some silly things about me. Here are 35 “random” things about me at 35:
This is a layout that I entered in Close to my Heart’s Regional Celebration contest last year. It is the first thing that I have ever entered and I actually won!! Here is Jeanette Lynton, Founder & CEO of CTMH, holding my winning entry.
Our next Regional Celebration is next weekend!! I will be leaving Thursday for Vegas! Woo-Hoo! I didn’t make anything to enter this time though. I will be lucky if I finish my rommie gifts. (I’ll post those after I get back, just in case any of my roomies check out my blog beforehand. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.)
I have been looking at my millions of Prima flowers that I have in jars decorating my craft room thinking, “Hmm...someday I will have to actually use some of these.” I found a great blog last night and came a cross a really simple, but elegant card that inspired me to create this “Cherish Friends” card where I was able to use some of my Prima flowers. Here is the card that inspired mine.
I also finally got to use some of CTMH's new Connections Club Rub On's. Oh, how I love these Rub Ons!! I hope we come out with more!
This is a layout I did a few years ago before I discovered clear stamps. Yikes, the title is just horrible! I used some old woodies I bought at Michaels and some craft paint. You know how you do a layout and then go back and look at it years later and think to yourself, "What was I thinking?" Well, that's what I think about this title. I am so tempted to redo it. The twill was kind of fun to make though. I ran it through my printer and it actually worked.
Unfortunately, (or fortunately for me) my husband sold his motorcycle a couple years ago, so my son will never get to ride it. I am actually really glad. It made me soooo nervous!
I wish I could remember where I got this paper and the rest of the embellishments. Back then I didn't keep track of where things came from.
I just got my Out on a Limb set from Papertrey and LOVE it! I whipped out a couple of super fast cards. Here is one of them. I used Papertrey's wonderfully thick cardstock and embossed a border using Spellbinder's largest Rectangle from the Small Nestabilities Classic Rectangle Set.
It is kind of hard to see in the photos, but I added a tiny dot of Cranberry Ink in the middle of each flower and then I used a Write and Rub pen to add another tiny dot of glue on top of the Cranberry. I added a little Prisma Glitter to finish it off.
When I was using my Cuttlebug earlier today, my 16 month old daughter got so excited. She came right over, picked up a piece of my scratch paper and tried to do what Mommy was doing. Of course I had to drop what I was doing and grab my camera. I can't wait until she is older so she can craft with me.
After my first child was born, I wanted to save EVERYTHING. Being a scrapbooker, I am sort of a hoarder of all things. Ya just never know when it may come in handy on a layout. *Ü* Well, after keeping boxes and boxes of clothes, I finally decided that maybe it would be better to take a picture of my favorite outfits instead. So, I pulled out the clothes that had particular meaning to me and laid them down on the ground. I took a picture of each item. I then shrunk them down on the computer and printed them out on photo paper. After cutting each one out, I knew I had to scrap them somehow. So, I found these cute little clothespins at Michaels and created this layout. The clothes each have a pop dot behind them to give them some extra dimension. Each time I look at the layout, I remember how much we loved those tiny little socks with the ABCs on them and that adorable little bomber jacket. The onesies and the overalls are just things that he wore a lot.
The alphabet stickers are from that massive pack from QVC and I have no idea where I got the paper. The cute 3-D flower and bird stickers are from K & Company.
I was thinking that my new blog was a little blah, so I designed a new blog banner. I was having problems making it fit. I finally got it to look ok on my computer, although I had to get rid of the border. Sometimes things show up differently on different browsers though. If you happen to visit my blog, would you do me a huge favor and check out the banner and let me know with a comment if it looks ok on your browser and also which browser you are using? Thanks a mil!
I just had to post this layout of my adorable daughter. We had her all bundled up last winter for a quick walk outside, which is funny because here in Southern California “it never gets that cold” according to my husband who is from the midwest. He laughs because I get cold when it deeps down below 70 degrees. It actually was pretty cold this day. My grandmother made this cute hat and sweater for her when she was born. (They were both way too big for her when she was a newborn!) She was finally able to wear it without it covering her eyes, although it was still a bit big.
I used a retired CTMH Kit called Between Friends with a little chipboard and ink. It is a super simple layout, but it makes me smile whenever I see it.
OK. So I have had this workshop scheduled for months. My hostess wanted to wait until the new CTMH catalog came out in January so that we could figure out what she and her guests were going to make. When I saw the new catty, I told her about the Silhouette papers and how much I loved them. So we decided to use them for a few cards and have an all-occasion card workshop.
While I was making the cards I thought it would be a great idea to have a variety of colors and papers, so I used a bunch of different papers including some pastels. Well, when I was done, I didn't like that everything was so different, so I designed more pastel cards so that everything would match. I was excited about the "spring" theme.
The night before the workshop, I called my hostess to confirm how many people were coming and to ask her how she liked the photo of the projects that I emailed her. She said she liked them but thought we talked about using the Silhouette papers on some of the cards. I got so into making sure that everything matched, that I forgot that she wanted to use that paper. Totally my own fault!! So I redesigned some of the cards with the black and white paper and then got frustrated again because it just looked so funny to have some of the cards pastel colors and some black and white. So, I ended up redoing all of the cards with the black and white papers and then recut all of the supplies. I think they turned out so much better with the black and white paper, so I am really glad that I redid them. Everyone at the workshop seemed to enjoy them too.
Here are the original projects with the pastel colors and the new ones with the black and white Silhouette papers:
This is one of those layouts that takes a while, but is really worth it. Actually it didn't take very long to make the layout, it just took a long time to find the photos and put them in order. I used a square punch to make sure they were all the same size and then just glued them down. What makes it worth it though, is being able to look through my son's album and see an entire year of cute expressions and smiles all on one page. I really need to do this every year for both of my kids. Lord knows I have enough photos to do one each year. In fact, I have enough photos that could probably do one for each month! *Ü*
I used some old clear stickers that I had from a massive pack that I bought from QVC years ago. I don't know what I will do with all of those icky alphabet stickers. They are just gathering dust at the moment. Maybe I should pull them out and use them again????
This is a layout I did a couple years ago of my son and I playing on my bed. We were tickling each other and giggling up a storm. My husband took a few photos of us since I already had the camera out for something else. (I don't know about you guys, but I am not in very many photos since I am usually the one taking them.)
I used some old Basic Grey paper and stickers that I had bought a while back. Love Basic Grey and I wish I used it more. I still have a ton of paper. I have some hidden journaling down on the bottom left in a little envelope.
This layout uses the Serendipity papers, stamps, and punch outs as well. We had such a fun time taking these photos. Believe it or not they are taken at Sears. I like Sears because you can get your photos on a CD. Love that!
Here are a few more Serendipity Cards. I just love the color combo. Actually, I am loving anything with browns lately. The top one uses a sentiment from CTMH's "For Any Occasion" set and the bottom one uses a sentiment from CTMH's "Friendship Word Puzzle" set.
This card was inspired by Melanie Mcbride. Her version was so beautiful that I just had to stop what I was doing and make a card like it. It uses Close to my Heart's Heart of Winter Promotion called "Serendipity," which includes patterned paper, textured cardstock, punchouts and a super cute stamp set. I also used CTMH's "Happy Birthday" and "Playful Flourishes" sets.
Cardstock: CTMH Colonial White, Textured Bamboo Inks: CTMH Chocolate, Bamboo, Outdoor Denim, Dutch Blue Stamps: CTMH Serendipity, Playful Flourishes, Happy Birthday
This is another workshop that I will be teaching in February. These cards and purse use one of my favorite new CTMH paper packs called Silhouette. I love the colors and patterns in this kit!
The purse is simply made by cutting a white lunchbag down to a square and adhering cardstock to each side. Then embellish as desired and wa-la, you have a cute gift purse to hold your cards or whatever you'd like to put in it. Here is a tutorial for making the purse.
The Criss Cross Card is posted below with a link to the tutorial. I will post a close up of the other cards as soon as I photograph them...
I am a scrapbooker at heart, but just can't seem to get enough of making cards lately. It's probably a good thing since I need to stock up on them so that I have them ready when I need to send one out at the last minute.
This is a sample of some cards and a cute tote that I will be teaching at a workshop on Monday. The template from the tote came from paper Crafts Magazine last year. It is such a quick and easy little tote to make and fits standard sized cards perfectly. Here is the template in case you'd like to make one:
The Floral Elements Card is posted below. I will post a close up of the other cards as soon as I photograph them...
I love these fun Criss Cross cards. They are so easy to make and look so great. This one uses CTMH's Silhouette paper. Check out the great tutorial here.
I have had my CTMH Floral Elements stamp set for quite a while and never actually used it. So, today I broke it out along with my Dimensional Elements Flower Garden chipboard (which now comes with an adhesive back) and this is what I came up with. Nothing too fancy, but it works.
This card was inspired by Nichole Heady. She created a card similar to this using papertreyink stamps. Check out her card here. I recreated her card using CTMH's January stamp of the month called Eastertime. I also used a few other stamps including "Happy Birthday," and "Friendship Word Puzzle."
Here are the Valentine's Nugget Tins I promised. Everything used is from Close to my Heart including the paper, cardstock, stamp sets, and ribbon. These are going to make great gifts.
I saw this card design somewhere a while ago and can't seem to find it now. I sketched the layout of it when I first saw it because I knew I would want to use it again someday. Well, today is the day. I just wish I could find the original designer so that I could at least give her credit for the design. Anyway, my version uses the new CTMH Baby's Firsts stamp set and Happy Birthday which is one of my staples. I use it on everything!
Please help list this game under Dating Sims and the Halloween section! This is the continuation of Moonlight Dating Sim I.
i guess i shouldve expected this, but it's kind of disappointing to have only nevaeh girlwise. However, the main reason i play this game is actually to talk to jenna's shadow, because it feels better to talk to something you're 95% certain is a bot than to talk to a definite human or obvious bot in my oppinion.
The game itself i usually either use the pokerface supercheat or go onto arcade prehacks and use their hacked version of the game, the rare times i do play it, and..
Illusions Dating Sim Game You play as a newly transfered student at Oshima Sakura Gakuen who is enthusiastic at the move. Your favorite local band, Illusions, hosts live performances in the area!
there is two cheats that i know for jenna moonlight dating sim 2The super cheat is: pokerface which gives u 50050 hp,10100 money and it gets u to the last day. If a cheat has worked it will look like this:  maxmotives  Now for the cheats.