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Last night was rough. I didn’t sleep well, felt sick, battling the effects of throwing up again. Why do these things keep happening?
I feel angry inside, but not sure why. I spent most of the day trying to put Christmas decorations up. I finally reached that place where I knew I had to jump right in and begin. However, the moment I tried, I was constantly being distracted by all sorts of things. Here is what went on after I told my husband I was ready…
So, you see, my attempts where met by unnecessary distractions. Finally, many, many hours later-we have decorations. I’m not sure how I even feel about it yet. I didn’t put up things that seemed to trigger uneasy emotions- and there were several of them! My husband was very kind and asked before he put things up. He is terrific and I love him bunches! He puts up with so very much from me…grateful.
Most of the night, I seemed to be in a fog. At times it wasn’t so bad, and other times I wanted to get out of here. More than once, I wanted to throw things, smash them, watch them shatter into pieces. It reminded me of my childhood, abuse, and how my family covers it all up! Always having to look good on the outside, so no one really sees what is raging inside. I am sure that was my teenage part. She was very angry. I felt my biggest battle happened internally with her. It went something like this:
B: Bullshit! You let your husband talk you into it, and the counselor. You never stand up for yourself!
Ugh! That is how my conversation with her went. No real answers, strong statements, because she is very guarded. I feel bad because I want everyone to enjoy a new start at Christmas. Although, I often wonder if she is right about listening to others. I will say, I wanted my therapist to be on my side when I talked about not wanting to participate in Christmas. Maybe it was too extreme. But I will admit to feeling a bit “put off” that she didn’t say, “Don’t do it, if you don’t want too.” Or maybe it’s what I wanted to hear….I hate being indecisive and not knowing!
There seems to be several things attached to Christmas. I feel uneasy, nervous, somewhat afraid, and unsettled all at the same time. Maybe it’s pressure to make it different, because what if it isn’t! I do want to enjoy it, but I guess I don’t know how. I feel vulnerable inside. It will be important for me to communicate with those in my “circle” of support. Of course, there’s that little issue of Holidays=Vacation.
In the past, my therapist has let me know, on my last visit, prior to her vacation, that she was taking time off. I realize she did this so that I wouldn’t dwell on it weeks ahead of time, or get my self worked up and afraid. Maybe it’s a compliment to my progress that I found out 3 weeks ago what days she would be gone. I was proud of myself for the progress, and glad she told me…..but now it seems overwhelming! Of course, it makes sense that everyone takes vacation, and especially between Christmas and New Year’s. But right now, it feels scary that I won’t be able to see here, talk through the struggles, and make sense of the things I may be feeling. Now, if there is anyone deserving of vacation, it is her! I am not saying that at all! I would take a year off, if I had to me as a client. She is an incredible therapist, and I am truly blessed to have her.
I wouldn’t want to admit to any of that, because I don’t want to seem “needy” or so “messed up” that I can’t survive! Sometimes I find it very difficult to actually say what I really need. Is it because I don’t know? Or that I put too much on others. Either way, it’s a daily struggle.
I had some scraps of Liberty lawn left over – just enough to squeeze out a pair of Amerson Undies, using Madalynne’s free pattern. I first made some of these knickers back in February and they’ve been absolute corkers, especially in the summer when you want natural, breathable fabric next to your skin. I had to have another pair!
Every step of construction is fun, from zig zagging the heck out of brightly-coloured knicker elastic, to the all important choice of a button embellishment for the front.
Knicker elastic came from my vintage hat box stash of ribbons and elastic. Some people would say that a hat box full of such frippery is a waste of space and money. Who are these people? Just let them come here and say that!
This is a really fun project for using up scraps and getting me back in the sewing groove. I can now wear Big Ben on my bum!
This entry was posted in sewing, sewing and knitting and tagged Amerson Undies, Liberty lawn. Bookmark the permalink.	
Nice drawers, Karen! And thanks so much for a reminder of that link. I felt sure there was a great freebie keks pattern somewhere but just couldn’t find it for Googling! x
I tried these, but found I liked my Flo Jo Boutique pattern better, especially with that crazy little diamond shaped gusset!
very elegant! I have printed this pattern, but am still not sure whether or not to make it, I fear they may end up rather bulky, especially as I am used to seamless microfibre underlayers!
I have this weird obsession with NOT sewing undies… but I’ve printed out this pattern and I am going to try them. All your versions have just been too cute!!!
Ohemgee, what awesome pantaloons you have! Definitely going to try some of these, I just had to resign a few pairs of pants to the bin after my thumb went through the fabric (for shame) – this is just the excuse I need to make up some newbies!
Fabulous pants. Thank you for reminding me that I had meant to make myself a pair of these a long time ago. With my new birthday haul of fabrics, I am sure I can dust,e up a pair of undies in something suitable. Athough I’m not sure i have anything quite so fantastic. 🙂
Those are really cute. I love making underwear because it uses up little bits of fabric and they are a quick make. A big plus is that they are sized exactly for me.
Nothing brings back the sewjo like sewing up a cute pair of undies, IMO. 🙂 So jealous that you get to wear Big Ben on your bum and I’m slightly curious if that phrase makes for some crazy search results. 😉
They look great! I have been thinking about making my own knickers….will try these, who can resist a free pattern :0)
oooohhh using up tiny scraps….that’s exactly what I’m in the market for. Made the hub some pants yesterday so about time I made some for me too!
oh I’m so glad that Amerson is keeping your you know what cool in the summer time! I’ve made a couple of pairs to and they have been a staple during the recent heat!
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed at another woman’s undies! It took me 3 attempts to read. I love how you take your sewing to new places. They are fun and the button is perfect. Hatbox?I’m upgrading today! I have a small jar well actually I have 20 small jars of very necessary frillery.
The pantaloons look great, and thanks for the link. I am on a quest for the perfect underwear pattern. I am tired of paying an extreme amount of money for not much.
Can anyone suggest anywhere good online (or in London) to buy pretty knicker elastic? I looked on the MacCulloch & Willis website and there wasn’t much choice.
So cute! Heh – I like your hatbox full of elastic and ribbons. I used to keep mine in an old porcelain bedpan, where they made a tasteful display in the corner of my room and I could easily see what I had on hand, but when I shipped said bedpan on moving to the UK it broke. I must hunt for another one, but for now I’m using kraft stacking boxes. Okay, but much more boring.
ADORABLE! I am so going to make these! I have a box of vintage ribbons that were my grandmas and some will look really cute as trim for these. Thank you for sharing this pattern.
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