I have been practicing kriya pranayama and meditation for the past two years. During the first year I felt nothing but pure joy and peace. However these days I feel quite withdrawn from activities I used to love doing but my attachment to the same activities suddenly springs back in me.
Thus I feel torn between two opposite forces and as a result my life is completely out of balance! At times I feel so free like a saint and soon enough miserable like a sinner. Is there a way out of this cycle?
It’s not unusual for devotees to feel tested in the way you describe. The main thing is that we keep moving in the right direction even if we get caught at times by negative energies or by the pulls of desires or attachments. The way to overcome these challenges is by using our will, along with devotion. In this way we are able to set in motion the energy that will produce the right magnetism to overcome the pulls of delusion.
Try to offer all that you are, including your successes and failures, to God. If you can, allow your offering to be more from your heart and not only from your mind. A good exercise to help you is to end each day, just before lying down for bed, by visualizing a fire into which you are releasing everything that has happened during the day. Feel that all your attachments, all the ups and downs of your life are being given back to God.
Paramhansa Yogananda taught that we should endeavor to be “even-mined and cheerful at all times”. Try to keep this thought always with you as you go through your day. This applies to meditation as well. In the book, The Essence of Self-Realization, there is an inspiring quote by Yogananda that is very helpful: “In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna counsels action without desire for the fruits of action. Meditation, too, should be approached in this spirit. Meditate without attachment to the fruits of meditation.”
The way out of the cycle you describe is to ever keep moving toward God in every moment. By inward meditation and God rememberance, along with selfless service, it is possible to live more in the Superconscious state of awakening.
for a few days when i meditate and even when i dont, i feel a sensation in the navel.previously this area used to throb on the spine along with the others, but now it feels like the navel itself strongly throbs,or gets pulled inside or something like a door being open there. and automatically i forget focusing on the kutastha and do that on the navel instead .the sensation is highly pleasurable, but i dont know why it happens or if it is good or bad.the root chakra gets stimullated as well. help
A sensation this strong could be something physical in the body. You may wish to consult a doctor. You indicate that the sensation is pleasurable. Let us just say, for now, that this experience is coming from your meditation (since I am not a doctor and we don’t give medical advice!).
Is meditation new to you? Since I do not know the answer to that question, I’ll simply address the possibility that this energy pulsation comes from your chakra and astral body.
It is possible that the third chakra is being stimulated by your meditation practice and then in turn stimulating the root chakra. The fact that it pleasurable AND that it distracts your concentration at the kutastha. Here are some things to try:
2. When or if this sensation begins to distract you, allow your attention to be re-directed to the navel for a few minutes. Sit with the sensation without judging or indulging, just observe it.
3. When you feel calm with it slowly begin to invite or draw the energy upward from the navel chakra (manipura) first to the heart. Let the energy settle in the heart for a brief time.
5. Remain at the kutastha for as long as you can or until the energy in the lower chakras begins to fade.
There are more concentrated chakra techniques I could describe but it would take much longer than a simple email. Let me say, for now, that you could spend more time at each chakra, beginning at the heart center (chanting AUM, for example), throat, medulla, kutastha.
You could also synchronize your inhalation with mentally drawing and cooling the energy up from the navel center upwards to the Kutastha. (Just let the exhalation happen naturally but keep using repeating the inhalation technique for several minutes.)
It is important to gently re-direct the energy upwards but DO NOT FORCE it. If it threatens to overwhelm you, stop your meditation and do some stretches or chant mantra or pray to God or guru. Very likely, unless it is a medical issue, it is nothing to be concerned about and will very likely go away if you work with it calmly and sensitively.