It has been a while since I sent out my Saturday newsletter (Australian time). Family life has become very busy on Saturdays!
Last weekend I went to the Mum Heart Conference, in Newcastle. It was an encouraging time to be with other homeschool mums - all in different places in their homeschooling journey - but all with the same heart to disciple their children.
But another highlight of my trip was to spend 1 day with my Mum and Dad for a very quick catch up - along with catching up with a few long time friends. Our country is very big - and never more so than when you miss your family!
This week has been about catching up with some rest, housework and being with my kids. One highlight for me was to go to a cooking demonstration by Matt Moran - part of our local yearly festival, Kimberley Muster. This is will probably be the only event I'll get to this year. He made BBQ-ing a whole fish look very easy!
One of the things I've been talking about with my kids is writing a bucket list - short term and/or longer term. One goal I have been working on is to use my crockpot more - specifically for Thursday nights when I am out of the house for all afternoon, and come home late.
On the education front - Daniel has continued to paint his room (his main 'school project' at this stage), along with setting up his laptop from scratch, after it has had a major overhaul, and writing his story. We are working on time management strategies and will be re-establishing morning routines over the next little while. Last weekend Daniel's Taekwondo club had a demonstration at the Moon Fair (also part of our Muster event), his TAFE day included welding, and he went fishing with the boys Bible Study group.
The old saying “a mother’s work is never done” is true – there is always something to do. How we think about this will reflect on how we get through our day. A mother’s work is never done – but that doesn’t make it a hopeless case.
We can say “a mother’s work is never done” with resignation, with frustration, despair, tiredness – and fair enough – some of our tasks are repetitive, seemingly thankless, and not particularly inspiring. Alternatively, we can focus on the purpose of being a mother, and from that gain a sense of significance for the things that we do.
Mothers create memories – tangible memories of doing things together and for each other, as well as intangible by just being there
Mothers teach – and our lessons shape the very being of our children: spiritual, moral, social, emotional, and physical being
A mother’s work is far more than looking after the physical well-being of everyone in the family; of making sure there is good healthy food, clean clothes, and fresh sheets, of getting people to the right place at the right time, or wiping snotty noses, toilet training, and organising all our stuff. It includes those things, and yet when we give ourselves to the whole role of being a mother, it is much more.
I think the most significant task we can take on as a mother is to foster relationships in our family.
Husband and Wife relationship – This relationship alone has several significant purposes. In nurturing this primary relationship I am looking after my own emotional and social needs, which in turn creates a safe, stable and strong family life for my children, and it shows them how to build a strong and healthy marriage for themselves one day. This issue alone is a generation builder!
Parent to Child relationships – without relationships we are just adults and children living in the same house, without relationships we are just living by house rules and waiting to grow up. To be any influence in my children’s lives, to be able to help them, encourage them, give them wisdom and confidence we need to have a relationship – a healthy relationship.
Sibling relationships – we say that siblings don’t choose to be friends, that they are just put in a family, but reality is that a healthy sibling relationship is a choice – and we as mothers can teach, guide and encourage our children to choose to love their siblings.
Friendships – mothers teach, guide and encourage friendships beyond the family walls. We not only teach the skills to be a good friend we help our children make time for their friends.
Community connections – The home is the base for all social connections – as we teach our children the value of other people, and the importance of being a friend and meeting people’s needs, and as we make time and opportunity for this to happen, our children’s world expand
Relationship with God – As I live an honest and open relationship with God myself, I introduce Him to our children.
Busyness kills relationships – or at least maims it! This is where the idea that ‘a mother’s work is never done’ becomes harmful – we focus on all that we have to do. And then we let our attitude stink about it, because it is exhausting, and endless, and ... well, exhausting!
There is always going to be work to do – it is the nature of our world. Dust happens, dirt, grime, spills, mess. Our family will always need to be fed and clothed. The baby needs to be bathed, the toddler needs a band-aid, the school kid needs help with their school project, the teen needs to be driven to their sport practice, the young adult is buying a car – and this only covers the sphere of motherhood, I am also a wife, homemaker, homeschooler, friend and volunteer!
These things are good things – it is good to be busy, to work hard, but when we talk about busyness there is an underlying dissatisfaction: we know that we are focusing on the wrong things, that our priorities are out of order, that these things are taking the best of our time and energy – and it is these things that are affecting our attitude.
As with all things we have a choice – we may not feel like we have a choice, considering all the things pushing in on us, all the things left undone – but we do have a choice. We may not be able to choose the circumstance we find ourselves in but we can choose our attitude. We can also choose our priorities. Will I choose to focus on tasks or on relationships? Will I choose to see the eternal perspective of the things I do during my day or will I choose to be frustrated and overwhelmed by the many practical things?
This does not mean that we sit around with our kids sharing milk and cookies all day – no, there are things that need to happen, but our heart should be tuned towards relationships.
First we need to know that building and fostering relationships is our number one task. You may need to change your thinking here – the mother’s role is to foster relationships – have you thought about that before? Think about it now, and start to see the things that you do with those glasses on. Relationships should tint all that we do.
When we have relationship coloured glasses on, we will value our time differently because we are not only with the people we love, but we can use this time to influence them. Our energy is focused on how to help my child. And my attitude can be one of thankfulness for the material things we have around us, that allow us to be together.
You see, a mother’s work is never do ne, not because it is mundane and repetitive, not because kids are sloppy and not picking up their responsibilities – a mother’s work is never done because we are always a mother, a mother who values relationships.