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Alright everybody. I am about to rant. A couple of times. I'm sorry I have been more or less AWOL over the past month (unless you follow me on Instagram), but I have been silly busy with the ins and outs of getting a job, starting my third year of university, taking care of my mental health and baking mango cakes.
This is my one of my favourite dresses. Like most of my stuff, I got it cheap at a thrift shop. It's comfy, flattering and makes me really love my body. I call it my "super hips" dress. And I would pretty much live in this dress if I didn't cop street harassment for it every time I go out in it. Literally. Every. Time. I live near a major road, and walking to the bus stop is really becoming an exercise in how many ways I can creatively respond to/ ignore gross cat-callers from cars.
Before heading over to Annika's house to take these photos, I sent her an exasperated message detailing the ins and outs of yet another shitty walk to the bus stop in this dress (she also has also written a fucking fantastic open-letter to cat-callers here). It was a really hot day, I was grossed-out, sweaty and bothered and had absolutely zero tolerance for bros, so I got my teeth stuck into some searing and shouting, which to an outsider would make it seem like maybe I am an incredible bad-ass who doesn't get scared or isn't made anxious by shit like this. This is not true. It frightens me. It can ruin my day, hell, it can ruin my week. Over time, this kind of crap can, and does, ruin women and gender non-conforming people's lives.
It is a deadly serious issue. This is not about some well-intended dudes who just want to wish you a nice day as they speed off down the highway. This is about cis-men's perceived entitlement of the body of basically anyone who is not a cis-man. This is about the strategic layering of masculinity and power over time that continues to build an empire of misogyny in which we still reside in.
This video came across my newsfeed this morning, and it is a fantastic SBS report on sexual-harassment in Australia. According to this report, 83% of women aged 18-24 experience abuse from random guys in public. Definitely worth a watch.
Now, without a doubt the most time consuming, exhausting and difficult thing I have been doing recently is trying to get a job. I have worked in countless crappy waitress jobs over the years, and it's taken its toll on my well-being. From the misogyny spewed out from the some of the self-appointed small-business overlords to the snide, sexist remarks from my customers (no sir, sorry, I am not "on the menu" and I also don't "come with the special"), it has been a roller-coaster of tiring, sometimes terrible, sometimes incredibly fun and rewarding and always exhausting under-paid work days broken up with days of great tips that would sometimes be claimed by my boss because apparently I didn't work hard enough.
So, yeah. I am pretty over hospitality. So over the past year, I have been volunteering with The Trading Circle, an amazing not-for-profit business that sets up producer groups of women around the world living in poverty or hardship, and seeks to foster their skills while at the same time creating a source of fair income and trade. We sell their crafts in our shop, and the profits go directly back to them. It has been a wonderful place to work, not only for the amazing work behind the scenes but because of the amazing and supportive community I have been a part of, that has been a world away from my experience as a waitress/ barista.
So I decided recently that I have enough experience to break out into the world of paid retail work, and have successfully landed an awesome job at a not-for-profit second-hand boutique store in Sydney, run by an acclaimed international charity organisation. So that's pretty damn cool, and I get to manage the whole store for two days every week, going through donations, making the store pretty etc. I've only just started, but I love it. I feel lucky, and privileged to have been given such an opportunity.
(This is my favourite necklace, given to my by my gorgeous friend Rasiha for my birthday. Jeanette Winterson is one of my favourite authors, and writes fantastic things on the body and feminism.)
But that is the cool part. The not-so-cool part happened during another interview for a retail shop in the city.
I arrive, dressed in my smartest interview attire. Manager-dude shakes my hands before standing back, aghast by the amount of "electricity" we appear to share. I nervously laugh and try to remain composed. I want the job. During the course of the interview, the man attempts to stand over me, while asking me if he was "intimidating" me. He then tells me that he "knows (I am) a girl, but this job is more than just pretty things", before telling me that he and I could "get into real trouble here". Before I leave, he confides in me that no, I probably won't be getting this job, because sure I am perfectly qualified but he thinks I am too attractive for the role, and that I could get him into trouble because we are obviously so attracted to one another.
I left the store quickly and called my friend for support, and then received a phone call from him asking where I lived.
I ended up filing a formal complaint with the Human Rights Commission and being involved in a series of events wherein this man was heavily reprimanded for his actions, and out of some miracle the CEO of the company was this amazing woman who helped me every step of the way. It is not always that easy to get justice though, so if you have been victim of an kind of sexual harassment in a workplace environment and live in Australia, don't feel like you have to keep it to yourself.
The Human Rights Commission lists example of sexual harassment occurring in the workplace (which happens to 1 in 5 women), including:
If you have experienced any of this, or anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable, do not hesitate to say something, either to someone in a higher position, the HRC, a friend, or heck, me. I am more than happy to help if you need, and if so please send me an email at katie.j.buddle@gmail.com.
So that concludes the story of this sexy dress and my new job. Well, not really, but I am reaching critical lows of energy and need to take a nap. Because this is draining. But what is exciting is the potential for change, and our ability to reach out to one another and connect. We can get shit done, and it's hard, but we are doing it. So well done us.
I am so proud that you did something about that horrific interview experience. I am actually too angry to write anything else about that. It must have been so scary and upsetting.
Perfect as always. So glad you made a post about this, and I seriously hope that it encourages more people to talk about their experiences. Love you <3 xx
One of the reasons I never dress up is because I feel anxious of the men's stares and/or verbal harassments. When I was really young I had an "over appreciation" (let's call it that) and that scarred me for life. Whenever a guys tries to hit on me I don't know if it's for who I am or how big my boobs are.. I love your super feminist posts, they never make me feel alone!!
Im so glad that guy that was interviewing you got what he deserved! Too many stories where the guy gets away with it. They need to learn that this is not okay! Thanks for writing this!
Katie, this is such a great post, and I am so angry that that situation happened to you -- but MAJOR applause to you for doing exactly what you did! I already commented on Annika's post, but the two of you are so eloquent and are saying precisely what needs to be said. This issue is at the forefront of so much right now, and it amazes me how there are people who still don't understand that this harassment is NOT a compliment and is NOT in any way okay. <3
Wow, that interviewer was so out of line, along with all the cat-callers you experience on a daily. I'm amazed that writing this was part of your response. Mine probably would have been to hide under my covers & not get out of bed for a week.
It makes me so angry reading about your horrible experiences, I'm so glad that sucker was reprimanded for what he did. I'm proud that you actually did something about it too. I find women are definitely recognizing and identifying inappropriate behaviour more and more yet there is still not enough women actually DOING something about it. We need to not just complain to our friends and vent on the internet but take the leap and attempt to resolve things completely and professionally. Also, you're looking so good whilst fighting for women, that dress is ca-y-ooot.
It upsets me so much when wom*an get treated this way. I've been a victim of it several times; the honking, blocking my path, and even purposely brushing onto me. The thing about all of these times is that I wasn't even dressed "provocatively" as I'm a jeans and sweater or basic tee kinda gal.
It's so good that you found such a lovely job and also reported him for treating you in that rude manner.
Oh my God! May I just say that that was such a horrible interviewer?! Yes, I say that, not he, because a creep like that should not be respectfully regarded as a human being in my book. Glad that everything works out for you and you now want to help other people who might have gone through the same stuff. By the way, I came here from Annika's blog just to let you know how I applaud your bravery in showing off your body hair. I'm working up my courage to finally be able to stand for that. My leg hair is fine but armpit hair is still a little hard for me. Maybe one day. Anyway, cool post and don't ever stop fighting for this cause!
Yikes! Fucking bastard. It reminded me of the countless times male interviewers asked me if I was married or if I had a boyfriend... What the fuck?! I've probably told you before but I really admire you and your attitude towards these things that still happen nowadays...One thing I've noticed here in Dublin (where I am currently): I have never witnessed any sort of cat calling/street harassment! Ever. They tend to smile and say a joke about the weather forecast but all in a nice way... Maybe they care way too much about her sisters and mothers and that adds to the respect they feel for women :)) xx
You are AMAZING and I'm hugely relieved to hear about such a positive outcome - so few women (a) stand up for themselves and (b) are actual ambassadors for change. You did both and are an absolute inspiration. xx
You are such an inspiration - you take negative experiences and make them a positive, using it to help others and not get you down. Never let anything get to you - you are an amazing human and the world is a better place already simply because you're in it!
Woah I just found your blog and you are one inspirational lady! That sounds like the worst interview in the world but you are a gem for standing up for your right not be abused. I so hope it encourages more women to do the same. I can't count the number of cat calls I get and it makes me feel so sad when it happens, I truly hope the world can change and that one day that will not be the norm.
Ugh what a horrible man. I am so stuck at the moment on how people can be so against feminism and I'm like omg ARE YOU BLIND look at what we have to put up with EVERY FREAKING DAY! Scuse the rant haha. I got a message from a number that clearly wasn't in my contacts last week saying "hi amber how are you babe?" and for ages I couldn't think who it'd be, but they knew my name! I figured who it might be and compared the numbers. It was this guy who I met briefly a year ago, thought he was lovely, swapped numbers, he ended up texting me non-stop, even when I asked him to simmer down. I ended up starting to ignore his messages until he sent me the weirdest one asking me to describe my vagina "in my own words, please". (I responded with "have you seen the film teeth" haha). Then I ignored him but he still texted me, about once a month after that, until I blocked his number. Then this "how are you babe?" came through three months after blocking his number on whatsapp. So now I've had to block him on whatsapp too. I can't even remember what he looks like, I hope he doesn't remember what I look like. That's just one of my most recent difficulties! Sorry for rambling I just wanted to share it with someone. xo
Change of topic. So excited for you new job! I too landed my dream job last summer, at our town's thrift shop, after four years of volunteering. Please share more about your store.
I love this post and I love you! Also love your dress *SOCUTE* It's refreshing to see more posts about cat-calling and how its absolutely awful and happens every single day.
Katie, you are inspirational. So amazing to have found your blog here, thank you for all the work you are doing;- for in these experiences that you have, and actions that you make, all the learning you are doing, is helping all of us women (and men) to change and grow too, you know? That doesn't mean you should have to go through horrible experiences (like the one you so well recounted with the 'man'ager) but if you do, you are giving strengh to others so they know what to do. Its incredible. More important than any qualification or assumed intelligence. You look gorgeous in this dress, the pictures are great with you and Annika, i feel like your words and pictures compliment each other so well because they are both strikingly STRONG. And feminine, in its true sense. A raw energy. Hugs, Betsy
It's a shame that you have to watch out for simply wearing something. What I wouldn't give to live in the world where people can just go out and be whatever they want, wear whatever they like, without worrying about their welfare or some guy's behavior. It is constraining. People should at least be able to empathize with this aspect of the problem. The best then do from there is to learn, be more ethical and help enforce existing laws against harassment.
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