Why are some kids – and even adults — picky eaters while others will eat anything? Often, there is an actual, physical explanation for it that most of us have never heard of. In a moment, we’ll tell you what it is, but first, you’ve probably heard this saying, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”
Indeed, well-intentioned actions can lead to unexpected, truly awful outcomes, and that was where Ethan and his wife, Helen were headed, as we learned in a phone call from them just days before Thanksgiving.
For families, this should be a happy time of year, but two controlling, nosy grandparents were about to slam shut a door on their daughter and grandchildren.
“We are both retired elementary school teachers concerned about the eating habits of Michael, our 3-year-old grandson. He is a horribly picky eater, just like Sue, his mother was at that age. She hated vegetables and Michael’s face turns bright red if he is presented almost any kind,” Helen stated.
“With Sue, I told her that unless she ate some vegetables, she would go to bed hungry. I was rough on our kids when it came to healthy eating, and, in time, forcing them to eat healthy worked.”
“We want a lawyer to send a letter to Sue and her husband advising their refusal to feed Michael proper food is harmful to his health and they must obtain advice from a nutritional counselor to solve the problem. We called several lawyers but all refused. Mr. Beaver, we have read your column for years and will follow your advice. What is your opinion?”
We spoke with Hanford family law attorney Jeff Levinson, asking if he felt it appropriate for a lawyer to send such a letter.
“Despite their best intentions, grandma and grandpa need to mind their own business,” Levinson replied.
“I cannot fathom how they could think that a lawyer would actually write a letter to their daughter, instructing her in how she should feed her children. I am puzzled why they would even think that would be appropriate.
“This seems so absurd. As they were both teachers and obviously intelligent, the whole concept of mother and father interfering with their daughter’s raising of a child this way is something that I cannot understand. How they can barge into their daughter’s world this way is just beyond my understanding.”
But we didn’t just splash cold water on their faces, as we gave them something that explains picky eating that we had just learned from the author of an interesting new book about food, “How We Eat with our Eyes and Think with our Senses,” by psychologist Diana Von Kopp, published by The Experiment.
The book’s subtitle is: “The hidden influences that shape your eating habits,” and as their daughter was also a picky eater at that age, “There is almost certainly a genetic explanation,” Von Kopp observes, adding, “They are most likely supertasters.”
And, just what is a supertaster? Von Kopp explains, “We are born with a certain number of taste buds, but the number and size differ. People with a large number of small taste buds experience taste with an extreme intensity and we call them supertasters.
“While children are very sensitive in general, one out of four is a supertaster and is highly sensitive to new taste experiences. They have just too many sensors on their tongue, especially for bitter taste. Although bitter is generally healthy, to them it is as if they are being poisoned!
“First of all, consider that you might have supertaster kids. Don’t blame yourself or let anyone blame you. Knowing that it isn’t your fault removes a lot of pressure. Don’t force them to eat, instead, give them vegetables, in small amounts, prepared in different ways and do this often. Frequent exposure to tastes—even those we might not like—reduces our sensitivity.
“Over time, your children should accept these new tastes, and peace will be restored at home,” Von Kopp concluded.
“How we Eat with our Eyes and Think with our Stomach” is an entertaining, practical, fun, money-saving, easy read. Every page will keep your attention, revealing the games played by restaurants and supermarkets. We enjoyed our interview with Diana Von Kopp and hope that she writes a sequel.
“I have received an invitation to attend a free real estate seminar put on by a company that flips homes but have never had any experience in buying or selling real estate. The TV show makes it look pretty easy to buy a house and quickly sell it for a big profit.
“However, on-line there are lots of negative comments about these seminars, from people feeling sucked into paying thousands of dollars for advanced training and getting nothing of value. I’m a retired Hanford elementary school teacher and have a tough time in saying no to anyone, so a high pressure sales situation worries me.
“Have you ever been to one of these seminars? Do people make money from their courses? Do you have any advice?”
The week after receiving our reader’s inquiry, we spent from 8:30 until around noon at an incredibly interesting seminar on flipping real estate. It felt like being at both a religious revival meeting and a dinner hosted by cannibals where seminar attendees were the main course.
The entire objective of the free program is to get you to sign up for a three day $1497 seminar followed by others costing thousands of dollars.
Arriving at 8:30 a.m. Saturday, a group of the flipping company’s staff members with a hungry, fake look, communicating, “You are my commission!” hand out registration forms containing powerful disclaimer language which we saw no one take the time to read before signing and turning in.
Repeatedly, we asked for a copy of the form; reluctantly given one, the hassle explained by one sentence making complaining customers go away:
Real estate investing — flipping homes and buying tax liens — is easy, realistic and our instructors open the door of possibilities for you.
Wealthy people have an unfair advantage which we give to you. We have access to information that others do not.
Take action! Don’t sleep on it! Sign up for our three-day seminar! Go to the back of the room and sign up now!
Stand up and follow me to the back of the room where we’ll sign you up. And yes, we have payment plans.
“House flipping has enormous risk and those successful at it are seasoned, experienced people with money they can put at risk bringing a structure up to local building standards without affecting their personal economic health,” Sacramento real estate appraiser Atom Levi told You and the Law.
Forty-seven years an appraiser, Levi holds the highest national designations in real estate appraisal, MAI and SRA, and has been a licensed real estate broker for 37 years. He is well acquainted with home-flipping seminars, “That do little beyond selling hope to the desperate and deceiving the naïve.”
“There is no free lunch and you can’t just put a coat of paint on a property and sell it for great profit, especially now that house prices are elevated because financial institutions are keeping billions of dollars of properties off the market, by allowing people to remain living in homes without making payments. This is a shadow inventory of houses, and it is enormous,” he points out.
“The TV show ‘Love It or List It’ is a good example of how an older property has many unseen issues and you do not know what you are getting into. You have to replace this and that, you would like to have a competent building inspector look at it before you buy. But these properties are generally sold as is and sight unseen.
“So, often it’s a bag of problems, such as a meth lab you can’t clean up. You have to have experience and deep pockets, figuring in transactional costs, commissions, fees, title insurance, and putting yourself at great risk if you do something in a non-conforming manner. And if the market shifts, you must sell at a loss.
“Appropriate building codes which are applicable in your local must be respected, often calling for a complete re-wiring, new roof, new plumbing and the list grows from there,” he stressed.
“Typically, the people who do this are investors with deep pockets, and it is the only thing they do,” Levi points out, adding, “When these seminar people admit in their literature that most students do not make any money please believe it!
Today’s story will be of special interest to anyone who is or who knows someone in a dating relationship which began online and led to personally meeting. We begin with “Three of the most important questions which must be credibly answered,” according to Santa Maria-based private detective, Riley Parker:
At a New Year’s Eve party this past December, Jill — 36, a longtime family friend, very attractive and a highly successful architect from a wealthy family — had a request:
“I need you to grill my boyfriend. You have a way of getting people to open up about their entire lives. His name is Glen. We met online a few months ago. He lives in a different state, and we have been Skyping. When work brings him here, we spend time together, but it’s only been three times in six months, a few days each visit.
“Glen is 44, never married, and made it clear that he is seriously interested in me and wants to be married. I had two very close relationships which did not work out, and admit, at my age of 36, I’m am very worried about being alone. I really like him. He’s a lot of fun to be around, always happy and says that he will move here, but I just don’t know what to do. So, Dennis, I need your insight.”
(1) He is 44, yet never had a truly positive, close relationship, “jilted by women who took advantage” of him. However, “With Jill it’s different.” Anytime we began getting close to meaningful views on life, he elegantly changed subjects, never revealing anything of a personal nature except that he felt Jill was “the one.”
(2) Glen was always smiling — to everyone — even when the topic was serious. He was the very definition of permagrin.
(3) In response to “So, how did you two meet?” his answer perpetuated the same lie that Jill had told her parents: “Through friends here in town.”
Jill explained that not telling mom and dad about meeting on line was, “Because they are from a different generation and would not understand.” As both are highly educated, work in finance and are in their late 50s, there is no way they could not have heard about online dating.
“Let’s see,” Parker commented, “He’s 44 and never had a close emotional relationship? How can that possibly be? And now, Jill is the one? Does the fact that she is highly successful and her family wealthy have anything to do with it? Moving this fast in a relationship where they have spent such a short amount of time together has all the alarms flashing Caution! You Do Not Know Who This Guy Is!
“Dennis, you have described someone who could very well be a con artist, believing that he can fool anyone. Your conversation was the time for him to be completely open and honest, because he had to assume that you would report your findings to Jill. If anything, he
“He was complicit in a lie to her parents, so what else will he lie about? He could have explained Jill’s reason to lie to her parents about how they met — but he never suspected that you knew the truth. If she hasn’t been drawn in too deeply yet, that one piece of evidence should be enough to scare her.
“She needs to realize that if he is willing to lie about a little thing — how they met — then he will lie about anything,” Parker notes, adding, “As they met online, this is the place for her to begin finding out as much as she can about Glen. Anyone in her position has something to lose, therefore Jill needs to determine:
(2) What role did he play in his prior, failed relationships where he was “jilted?” For con men, it is always the other person’s fault, so ask, ‘What part did you play in them failing?’ Con artists find women who provide them a lifestyle, drain them dry and then move on to the next victim.
They met online, and that’s the place where Jill can begin her research. Next time, Parker tells us how to begin, where to look, and when to consider hiring a private investigator.