Hi. My name is James McAvoy. I'm a boring loser who has a full-time job, which apparently is beneath me even though everyone else has to do it without being a whiny little bitch.
Oh look, here comes my obnoxious, cuckolding best friend. He epitomizes the exact type of macho idiot that enjoys movies like this one, so the fact that he's portrayed as an asshole is something of an embarrassing irony.
Hey man! I just drank Red Bull out of your girlfriend's vagina, it was awesome! So what's going on with you?
No results at all? Like not even for any of the other thousands of people with the same name as you? "Billy McSkidmarks" gives me six hits, and I just made that up.
Yeah, I'm like a black hole of failure. I sure hope that it turns out I'm actually the heir to an ancient society that needs me so that I can leave this well-paying, white-collar, air-conditioned office job that most people would kill to have.
JAMES purchases some anti-anxiety medication when suddenly he is approached by ANGELINA JOLIE'S LIPS.
James, it just so happens that your father was a member of a secret organization, which we will now make you a part of, just as soon as we have a poorly directed gunfight with Thomas Kretschmann, the guy who killed your dad.
They shoot GUNS and discharge STYLE. Various amounts of BRAIN are splattered all over the camera lens.
Holy shit, this movie is gratuitously violent. Did someone just take the screenplay to a porno and replace the words "cock" with "gun" and "semen" with "blood"?
They narrowly escape THOMAS KRETSCHMANN. ANGELIA JOLIE'S LIPS try to take JAMES to the SECRET SOCIETY HIDEOUT, but all of the studio's sets are being used by better movies so they settle on an old TEXTILE MILL SET instead.
So, you're a secret society of supervillians based on famous DC Comics rogues and you need me to help you in your nefarious plot to keep the world in a state of chaos and war?
What? No, you're thinking of the comic book. We just kept the title and two character names from that best-selling piece of shit. We're assassins that take lives in order to save thousands more.
We have a Loom of Fate. It's an actual Loom. And it encodes the names of our targets in binary when it stitches fabric. Seriously. This is actually in the movie.
What the hell do you do when two people have the same name? And is every target in NY, or is that just luck?
Look, I gotta run. The deal is, you have the ability to accelerate your heart rate so that you can rape the laws of physics, curve bullets, jump 400 feet out of windows, flip cars, and even shoot the wings off of flies.
Shoot the wings off of flies? Are action movies just running out of ways to outdo each other? Where else is there to go after shooting the wings off of flies? What's the next preposterous action movie going to have, people shooting bullets into each other's bullets?
We're now going to train you to be an assassin by treating you like shit and beating the living snot out of you for no clear reason.
She DOES. Once the SECRET SOCIETY finishes beating JAMES within an inch of his life, he realizes they are his TRUE FRIENDS. They go ASSASSINATE random PEOPLE using SPECIAL EFFECTS.
Cool! My increased heart rate has let me travel back in time to 1999 when stylized slow motion gunfights could pass for entertainment!
Sure, I can make you a suit that lets you turn your head. Wait, what movie is this? Shit, I'm still in this thing? Somebody shoot this motherfucker!
How sad is it that the most entertaining part of this movie is hearing wise old grandpa Morgan Freeman say the word 'fuck'?
...and that's the story of how I brutally slaughtered a shitload of people, which prevented me from being a pussy like you. What the fuck have you done lately?
Um, you mean besides wasting 8 bucks watching Fight Club and The Matrix have a miscarriage together? Nothing, I guess.
We have loved every minute that our kids have shared our family bed, every single minute because it’s something that we will always fondly remember.
So we took the babies bunk bed shopping yesterday. Are bunk beds a thing of the past because the selection sucks! Really sucks! IMPO!!!!! We eventually found one online at JCPenney and it will be here in a few more weeks.
When all the other kids have been moved to their own bed we made it their personal space with sheets they picked out, a blanket they picked out, maybe a special pillow case and don’t forget all the stuffed animals that will be tucked in at night with your child.
It is important to make this very special to them so they don’t feel “abandoned” because they aren’t sleeping with mommy and daddy anymore.
I think Baby M is ready and she seems to be really excited about having her own bed and I know Lil O is excited about getting the top bunk!
Since H is still living at home, are you going to keep the bunk beds in your room? Or are you shuffling things around?
Considering that Noah is almost 15 months old, I thought I should post about his 13 & 14 month favorites.
Right now, Noah is really into everything kitchen related. I guess it's because that's what he sees all day, so he wants to imitate us. He also loves his Dyson toy vacuum. Whenever either of us vacuum, he wants to vacuum along next to us. In addition to the walker, he uses the vacuum to help him stand. In music class, Noah gets to use a lot of fun instruments. One of his favorite was the bells. He also loves the rain maker and his glockenspiel. Finally, Noah loves to read. Not only do we read before bed, but he has a basket full of books that he flips through during the day. He especially likes touch and feel books like this Peter Rabbit book. In addition to these toys, Noah is a huge fan of card board boxes and paper. He will ignore a toy if it means he can rip up some wrapping paper or even a magazine. Like most toddlers, he has more fun playing with the box that the toy came in :)
Can you believe it's Friday already! With a 3 day weekend, and Chris coming home early and going in late because of snow, the week seemed to go by quickly. I used to look forward to Fridays because of no work on weekends, but now I look forward to it because it means Chris will be home with us, and I love this weekly link up!
Chris had off work on Monday because of Martin Luther King Day. We decided to take Noah to a makeup music class (since he's already missed 2 because of being sick). Chris likes going to these things, so it was a perfect opportunity for Chris to do the class with us. I guess a lot of guys were off work, because there were three other dads in the class as well!
Last weekend we went to a family baptism. Chris' cousin, Molly, had a baby boy, Jeremiah, in October 2013. We went for the baptism and was surprised with a wedding! EVERYONE was shocked and so happy that we got to witness a wedding and a baptism all in one day! There was a nice party to follow and it was so nice seeing all the Flinns again!
I got this NARS "The Multiple" in Orgasm (described as a peachy pink shimmer) about a month ago. I love how it provides a natural shimmer on my cheeks and under the brows. I'm pretty basic with my makeup routine, and I love how it's so simple to apply over my foundation and bronzer.
I picked up this Essie nail polish at Harmon's the other day. I love the look of glitter nails and I'm even contemplating doing them myself! If I do a crummy job I'll just bring this to the nail salon next time for them to use :)
Chris had a delayed opening because of the snow on Wednesday. Since he was home when Noah was awake, he wanted to recreate a picture that we took back when Noah was a newborn.
I don't know about you, but I sometimes find myself in a rut in the winter when it comes to my wardrobe. There's something about the cold weather that just makes me want to be warm and comfortable 24/7. When I go out (to run errands) I end up wearing comfy sweaters, jeans or leggings, and my Ugg boots. And when it's really cold out, I don't even want to leave the house, and I end up wearing sweats and slippers even more!
Valentine's Day will be here before we know it. While Chris and I try not to go overboard, it's always nice to get a little something for the special people in your life. A bunch of these items are definitely splurges, but I most look forward to a handmade card and something small but romantic. And you can't forget about the little kids!
I've been having a lot of fun doing some crafts with Noah recently. Since it's cold out and not always ideal to go out in, I love having indoor activities to do with Noah.
I'm always looking for fun and easy crafts that we can do with Noah. I got this idea from Pinterest and couldn't wait to do it! We originally planned to do this at Christmas with my niece and nephews, but time got away from us. So instead, Chris and I did it with Noah one Sunday morning.
^^^ I then used the template and traced it onto black construction paper. I also added a 1/2 inch border and cut it out.
^^^ I then cut 2 pieces of contact paper to match the size of my construction paper frame. I just stuck the frame and the snowflake on top of the contact paper. (The contact paper really brought me back to high school when we had to cover all of our text books!)
Noah had a blast playing with the tissue paper squares as well as sticking a few to the contact paper. We obviously had to help him and make sure they were placed all over for even coverage.
After Noah (with our help) placed all the tissue paper squares on the contact paper, it looked like this. I then put the second sheet of contact paper on the back to seal it all in. Flip it over, and it looks like this!
So there you have it. A relatively simple craft that your little one can do. I definitely plan on using this technique for other holiday crafts and decorations!
I also wanted to show you how we made Chris' birthday craft. It was super simple and I love how it turned out.
First off, I bought this Crayola Mess Free Color Wonder Finger Paint Set. It comes with the "paint" and the paper that the paint will work on. Basically, the paints are all clear gel, and when you rub it on the paper, the color shows up. This is AMAZING for little kids.
Next, I cut the paper in half (the paper in the box is pretty big). I printed the number 36 (using Word) in the largest size that would print on one piece of paper. Then I cut out the number and stuck it to the paper using double sided tape. Then Noah just finger painted all over the piece of paper. Noah got the hand of sticking his finger in the gel, but he didn't quite grasp the idea of then rubbing it on the paper. I just helped him rub different colors on the paper.
I love doing crafts with Noah. While he needs a lot of help and it can sometimes get messy, I definitely think it's good to do these hand on activities with him.