Two and a Half Men (musim 1)
Semua episode

| No>  total | No>  musim | Judul | Sutradara | Penulis skenario | Tanggal tayang asli | Penonton U> S. (juta) |  |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| 1 | 1 | "Pilot" | James Burrows | Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn | 22 September 2003 (2003-09-22) | 18.44 |  |
 Carefree bachelor Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen)'s life is turned upside down when his brother Alan (Jon Cryer) and ten-year-old nephew Jake (Angus T. Jones) move in with him when Alan's wife Judith (Marin Hinkle) kicks him out after 12 years of marriage. After returning from a meal in which he failed to reconcile with his wife, Alan finds Charlie to be an irresponsible caretaker for Jake after Charlie allows him to play poker, so he takes Jake to move in with his mother, Evelyn (Holland Taylor) instead. But when Alan learns that Jake likes Charlie more, he decides to move back in with him and stay there. Meanwhile, one of Charlie's one-night stands, Rose (Melanie Lynskey), is stalking him. Alan lets her into the house thinking that she is Charlie's housekeeper and she glues all his cabinets shut. Title quotation from: Charlie, after Alan says that Judith is gay and that they ate veal at the restaurant. ("Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal" was the name of the original pilot episode with Blythe Danner as Evelyn instead of Holland Taylor, and the quotation remained.)
| 2 | 2 | "Big Flappy Bastards" | Andy Ackerman | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov | 29 September 2003 (2003-09-29) | 16.18 |  |
| 3 | 3 | "Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell" | Andy Ackerman | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster  Skenario oleh : Mark Roberts & Lee Aronsohn | 6 Oktober 2003 (2003-10-06) | 14.82 |  |
| 4 | 4 | "If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap" | Andy Ackerman | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Susan Beavers & Don Foster | 13 Oktober 2003 (2003-10-13) | 14.73 |  |
| 5 | 5 | "The Last Thing You Want is to Wind Up with a Hump" | Andy Ackerman | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov | 20 Oktober 2003 (2003-10-20) | 15.24 |  |
| 6 | 6 | "Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?" | Andy Ackerman | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Susan Beavers & Don Foster | 27 Oktober 2003 (2003-10-27) | 15.82 |  |
| 7 | 7 | "If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake" | Andy Ackerman | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster  Skenario oleh : Mark Roberts & Lee Aronsohn | 3 November 2003 (2003-11-03) | 16.02 |  |
| 8 | 8 | "Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snootful" | Chuck Lorre | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov | 10 November 2003 (2003-11-10) | 15.81 |  |
| 9 | 9 | "Phase One, Complete" | Andy Ackerman | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Susan Beavers & Don Foster | 17 November 2003 (2003-11-17) | 15.98 |  |
| 10 | 10 | "Merry Thanksgiving" | Jay Sandrich | Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn | 24 November 2003 (2003-11-24) | 17.14 |  |
| 11 | 11 | "Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor" | Robert Berlinger | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster  Skenario oleh : Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts | 15 Desember 2003 (2003-12-15) | 14.77 |  |
| 12 | 12 | "Camel Filters and Pheromones" | Robert Berlinger | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Susan Beavers & Mark Roberts | 5 Januari 2004 (2004-01-05) | 16.75 |  |
| 13 | 13 | "Sarah Like Puny Alan" | Robert Berlinger | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre  Skenario oleh : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster | 12 Januari 2004 (2004-01-12) | 17.86 |  |
| 14 | 14 | "I Can't Afford Hyenas" | Rob Schiller | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Jeff Abugov & Eddie Gorodetsky | 2 Februari 2004 (2004-02-02) | 16.48 |  |
| 15 | 15 | "Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick" | Andrew D. Weyman | Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn | 9 Februari 2004 (2004-02-09) | 16.96 |  |
| 16 | 16 | "That Was Saliva, Alan" | Andrew D. Weyman | Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn | 16 Februari 2004 (2004-02-16) | 17.39 |  |
| 17 | 17 | "Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats" | Andrew D. Weyman | Cerita oleh : Jeff Abugov & Eric Lapidus  Skenario oleh : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts | 23 Februari 2004 (2004-02-23) | 16.48 |  |
| 18 | 18 | "An Old Flame with a New Wick" | Andrew D. Weyman | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster  Skenario oleh : Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts | 1 Maret 2004 (2004-03-01) | 17.10 |  |
| 19 | 19 | "I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You" | Gail Mancuso | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky | 22 Maret 2004 (2004-03-22) | 16.43 |  |
| 20 | 20 | "Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark" | Gary Halvorson | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn  Skenario oleh : Jeff Abugov & Mark Roberts | 19 April 2004 (2004-04-19) | 14.58 |  |
| 21 | 21 | "No Sniffing, No Wowing" | Rob Schiller | Cerita oleh : Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers  Skenario oleh : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster | 3 Mei 2004 (2004-05-03) | 16.20 |  |
| 22 | 22 | "My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet" | Gail Mancuso | Cerita oleh : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster  Skenario oleh : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky | 10 Mei 2004 (2004-05-10) | 16.00 |  |
| 23 | 23 | "Just Like Buffalo" | Rob Schiller | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre & Susan Beavers  Skenario oleh : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster | 17 Mei 2004 (2004-05-17) | 15.20 |  |
| 24 | 24 | "Can You Feel My Finger?" | Rob Schiller | Cerita oleh : Chuck Lorre  Skenario oleh : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn | 24 Mei 2004 (2004-05-24) | 18.16 |  |