Review (5/5): You made it to this point - just get it
You got here 1 of 2 ways - you are either into cyberpunk aesthetics, or you were searching for a specific scent. I was trying to track down vanillas and citrus scents, and came across Proto Alchemy, and they instantly got my attention. I am a dude. I am not a lumberjack, and I am not a suave, dapper, 3 piece suit wearing gentleman either. But every freaking beard oil hammers one of those two stereotypes home. It's really hard to tell if any of these companies are actually genuine, or just some faceless sub-brand marking up some garbage because having a nice beard is cool.
So I can tell you these guys (actually just this guy I think) are legit. Matte finish packaging, commissioned art from legit artists, and even a little bit of world building just for a beard oil. I am a designer - little details are important to me and can often speak to the quality of the actual product. And in this case it does, this is some damn good beard oil.
The oils work well, providing light shaping and conditioning. The bottles dispense nicely - I like being able to easily tap out a couple drops which is all i need for a 3-4 inch beard. I've had similar droplet dispensers (I don't know what those are called) that were slower or didn't work as well.
I first bought Anti-Hero. I don't drink whiskey and don't smoke, but this smell is really something else. Sweet, vanilla & musk with something else special to it. It reminded me of the hotel elevator in Athens during my honeymoon, that was overwhelmed with some foreign, exotic cologne. That will help none of you, but regardless, I believe it will still be a scent that reminds you of something or somewhere, but you can't quite place it. It drove me crazy for a week before I figured it out, and that scent is something I have been trying to figure out for a good 7 years. It's unique, I love it, and I still can't explain it. I was finding excuses to use it more than I needed to, and quickly ordered the other 2 scents.
Botanist is awesome. It is so far beyond what I can explain - I've read reviews on plenty of colognes and then gave up when I realized even if I knew what those words people used meant, I'd still have no idea how it could smell. I can definitely buy into the botany idea behind this scent, there is an earthiness to it but it also leans sweet. Another scent I really haven't come across before.
Islander I was really hopeful for, but it smelled a little too generic cologney. Maybe it's the rum? My previous favorite beard oil was citrus + vanilla, and I think the vanilla really sells the other two proto-alchemy scents. I don't hate it, it's still wearable unlike some others I have had to get rid of immediately, but I won't reorder it - unlike Botany and Anti-Hero, which I am planning on stocking up on, right now. I'd hate for them to disappear forever.
If I ran any sort of men's store, barber shop, or just a place that sold cool doo-dads, I would absolutely stock these and most likely sell a ton. They smell great, they look super cool and premium, and they are unique. Sadly, I don't. If you do, try that out for me. Best I can do is give them as gifts for now (or just hoard them for myself).