Year: 1876

Mark Twain Tells how hs Run for ONCE


and the Result.


Now that the election is over we can
reread with interest Mark Twain's
sketch of his first aspiration for office
and the result. Mark says:


A few months ago was nominated
for governor of the great State OF New
York, to run against Stewart L. Wood
ford and John T. Hoffman, on an indie
pendent ticket. 1 somehow felt that
had one prominent advantage over these
gentlemen, and that was, good charac-
ter. It was easy to see by the newspa-
pers, that if ever they had known what
it was to bear good name, that time
had gone by. It was plain that in these
latter years they had became familiar
with all manner of shameful crimes. But
at the very moment that was exalting
my advantage and joying in it in secret,
there was muddy undercurrent of dis
comfort "riling the deeps of my hap
piness-and that was the having to hear
my name banded about in familiar con-
nection with those of such people. l
grew more and more disturbed. Finally
I wrote my grandmother about it. Her
answer cane quick and sharp. She
said:


"You have never done one single
thing in all your life to be ashamed Of
not one. Look at the newspapers-look
at them and comprehend what sort OF
characters Woodford and Hoffman are,
and then see if you are willing to lower
yourself to their level and enter a public
canvass with them"


Tt was my very thought did not
sleep q single moment that night. But
after all, I could not recede. was fully
committed and must 60 on with the
fight. As was looking istlessly over
the papers at breakfast, came across
this paragraph, and I may truly say l
never was so confounded before


"PERJURY.-Perhaps, now that MIR.
Mark Twain is before the people as
candidate for governor, he will conde-
scend to explain how he came to be con-
victed of perjury by thirty -four wit
nesses, in Wakawak, Cochin China, in
1863, the intent of which perjury was to
rob poor native widow and her help.
less family of meager plantain patch,
their only stay and support in their be.
reavement and their desolation. MIR.
Twain owes it to himself, as we'll as to
the great people whose sufrages he
asks, to clear this matter uf. Will ne
do it I"


I thought I should burst with amaze
| mentl Such q cruel, heartless charge
| never had seen Cochin China Inever
had heard of Wakawak! I didn't know
a plantain patch from kangaroo did
not know what to do. I was crazed and
HELPLESS. let the day slip away with
out doing anything at all. The next
morning the same paper had this-noth-
ing more. 80,


"S1eNF1cANT.-Mr. Twain, it will be
observed, is suggestively silent about
the Cochin China perjury"


[Mem.-During the rest OF the cam
paien this paper never referred to me In
any other way than sas "the infamous
perjurer Twain"


Next came the Gazette with this:


"WANTED TO KNow.-Wiu the new
candidate for governor deign to explain
to certain of his fellow citizens (who are
suffering to vote for him y the little cir
cumstance of his cabin mates in Mon
tana losing small valuables from time
to time, until at last, these things hav.
ing been invariably found on Mr..
TWain's person or in his "trunk "
newspapers he rolled his traps in) they
felt compelled to give him friendly ad-
monition for his own good, and 80
tarred and feathered him and rode him
on q rail, and then advised him to leave
O permanent vacuum in the place ne
usually occupied in the camp. Will he
do this :"


Could anything be more deliberately
malicious than that2 For I never was
in Montana in my life.


IAfter this, this journal customarily
spoke Of me as "Twain, the Montana
Theft


The next newspaper article that at
tracted my attention was the following:


GA SWEET CANDIDATE Twain,
who was to make such blghting speech
at the mass meeting of the Independ-
ents. didn't come to time! A telegram
from his physician stated that he had
been knocked down by runaway team
and his leg broken intwo places-suffer
or lying in great agony, and so forth,
and 80 forth, and lot more bosh OF the
same sort. And the Independents tried
hard to swallow the wretched subterfuge
and pretend that they did not know
what was the real reason of the absence
of the abandoned creature whom they
denominate their standard bearer. a
certain man was seen to reel into Mr.
Twain's hotel last night in beastlJ
state of intoxication. It is the lmpera
tive duty of the Independents to prove
that this besotted brute was not MARI
Twain himself. We have them at last
This is a case that admits of no shlrk
ing. The voice of the people demands
in thunder tones: who was tha
man T." :.


It was incredible, absolutely incredi
BILE. for q moment, that it was really m.
name that was coupled with this dis
graceful suspicion. Three long year
had passed over my head since hat
tasted ale, beer, wine, or liquor OF an!
kind.


[It shows what effect the times wer
having on me when I say that saw ny
self confidently dubbed "Mr. Deliriun
Tremens Twain" in the next issue o
that journal without pang-notwith
standing knew that with monotonou
fidelity the paper would 60 on calling
me 80 to the very end.


By this time anonymous letters wer
getting to be an important part OF m.