Year: 1871

Every Boy must Sow His Wild Oats.


Very well, my dear boy don't sup
pose that 1 deny it. 1 wouldn't con-
tradict you for the world. Certainly
not This is a free country, and you
have perfect right to do just exactly
as you please-of-course. Besides, I
am not one of the contradictory kind,
you see. Why, bless your eyes-or
the other, just as you please; itdoesn't
make particle of difference to me
If man was to step up to me and
say, "Sir, you're liar" I would take
off my hatand say in the politest man.
ner that my education has given me,
"My dear sir, far be it for me to refute
the insinuation, for I see in every
line Of your intelligent countenance
that you area gentleman That's
my style.


But in reference to these wild oats
(of which the crop was never known
to fail single harvest, but always to
exceed all expectations) allow me to
hint a few remarks. Now you mustn't
suppose Pm going to preach. Pm
not going to do anything of the kind.
For if there's anything on this earth
that I hate it's for a man to take q
chair and sit down to me and-predchi
But now it strikes me that some peO-
pie use this sentence "every boy must
sow his wild oatsn without knowing
what il means or what reference it
has to the subject in hand. Leaving
out altogether the question of who
said that wild oats must be sOwn or on
whose authority the passage is quoted
let me ask what makes them say every
boy. Now no person who is not agri-
culturally engaged sowing his wild
oats is ever a boy.


Now hate impositions of all kinds,
but I do despise an imposition on
loafer-and who ever sows more wild
oats than q loafer ?-and boys are moth
ing more nor less than impositions on
loafers. Who ever saw a boy stand
on the corner of Fourth and Olive
streets trying to put on style and hold
up lamp-pOst but what saw sheep
ish look in the boys face and habit
of looking up and down each street,
as if not quite free from the apprehen-
sion of the Guv'nor's. popping around
the corner unawares.


But, my dear fellow, this is not
what 1 wanted to tell you. 1 wanted
to give you few side remarks which
might make your calling little more
respectable one than it is. Tor, you
know, there's no use denying that the
wild oats business is not respectable
1 don't know why it isn't. But it's
so, nevertheless. People have got
habit of looking down upon it in a
manner that sometimes will be sure
to put you in a ridiculous If not very
disagreeable light.


Now 1 wouldn't, If Twas you, stand
with my back against the lamp-post
so hard and so long. For when this
habit is INDUCED in to an unlimited
extent it is apt to produce the opinion
in the minds of the public that that
is the only support you have, which
opinion might possibly interfere with
your buying your hats and boots On
tick, for the reason that a lamp-post
might be regarded as hard pay, which
however hard it might be on you,
could hardly be gainsaid. For the
same reason i would advise not
putting the hands in the pockets so
far down. 1t is apt to create dis
trustful suspicion in the minds Of that
same uncomfortable public that those
necessary appendages are put there
instead of the pocket-book which
might be there.


And then again-now mind, l am
not going to preach, I am only offer
ing these remarks as suggestions, and
of course you can do as you Hke-this
is free country, and every mans
opinion is his own, it might save
many embarrassing occasions, II you
could restrain from making remarks
about ladies passing by in such a loud
tone of voice that they can Overhear
-as It might place you in the same
position of certain young man who
happened to make q remark about
lady's shoe who was passing land per-
haps about something else) was as
tonished to see the lady quickly turn
on her heel, and raising her veil, dis
close the face Of his mother. It was,
to say the least Of it, embarrassing. !.


Again, if you could contrive TO cul-
tivate little more of clear open eye,
and it might make q favorable i'm
preston on the public which is always
in the majority, no matter how much
a man may be above it,


Furthermore, if you could, any time
during the day, manage to do little
common work-not any more than
you can possibly help-it would sd-
vance you still further with the pub
lie, which has an uncomfortable meth
cd of judging everybody by the low
of work.


If you have pleanty of money, I
wouldn't spend it, if was you, on
two or three low women, who, my
dear boy, will be sure to make more
fun of you in an hour, than your best
friends would in q month; which is
saying a great deal.


haven't got anything else to say
about this matter my dear fellow; and |
if>I had I couldn't for it's Is minutes
Of 10 now, and 1 have an appointment |
at 10. Yes, Pm ashamed to confess it |
to a gentleman of your gentle employ |
ment, I've got an engagement, and |
it must be kept. Good by. Come and |
see me at the Office. Pm ashamed to |
confess that L have some work to do /
at the Office. So, be very careful |
mind your eye. There's q policeman |
at the corners got his eye on you. A |
very low and vulgar set of people, !
those policemen. Don't understand |
q gentleman at all. Good by.