Year: 1873

turned: One gave up the ghost where he sat
at the table in his chair, and the other got up,
staggered off few feet, and tumbled over
into eternity. The good old lady recovered
her money, and on examining the persons of
the black, burglarious robbers, they turned
out to be the two witnesses to the act Of sale,
both white men, blackened for the occasion
both her neighbors, and one was her cousin.
A DRUNKEN DocToR-We take the fol-
lowing from the Washington Capital:


We had drunken doctor by the name of
Todd who, from his habits, was known as
Toddy. He was considered one of the most
successful practitioners of our county site.
People said old Todd was wonder, and the
drunken he grew the wider and deeper spread
his reputation. This is common in other walks
of life. We have known lawyers, authors
and artists to add to their reputation by being
intoxicated most of the time. People said,
How wonderful he would be if he were SOBER
The fact is, the only wonder was in the liquor.
Had the man been sober man he would
probably have escaped notice.


Old Todd was called in, or rather he was
picked up drunk at the tavern ono night, Ut
most insensible, to prescribe for man in the
greatest agony. The doctor staggered into
the room and fell upon the floor. He was
shaken up and diagnosis roared into his ear.
All that could be got from him was the one
word, Coffee A pot was hurriedly put upon
the fire, and as soon as it could be made as
strong as holy writ, a pint was poured into
the patient, who only roared the louder.
Again the doctor was appealed to, and again
he muttered coffee The Jealous friends and
relatives Immediately forced down the throat
of the sufferer another dose. A third attempt
was being made, when the doctor staggered
to the bedside, and seizing the cup drained
the liquid himself


He then rolled out to the pump, and put
ting his medical head under the spout had
water pumped over it for some minutes. At
ter this he returned, somewhat sobered, to the
bedside of his patient, felt his pulse, looked at
his tongue, and poked the poor fellow in the
stomach.


"Howre ye, man?


"Oh! I'm better; the coffee did it."


A merry twinkle shot from the inAamed
eyes of the intoxicated practitioner, but he
said nothing then. Subsequently he let the
Joke out to brother physician. 81 wanted
that coffee myself, to sober me up. D-d
if they didn't give it to the fellow in collie; it
cured him though" And the doctors merri-
ly chuckled


THE GOOD AND BAD BoY.-There was
young and lovely boy, whose mother parted
his hair down the middle, and occasionally
hit him in the back with fat'iron. There
was also bad, wicked and depraved boy,
about whom. I, at the moment, do not recol-
lect any further particulars. These two were
brought up together, and simultaneously re-
ceived present of sovereign apiece y,
how that bad, wicked and depraved boy kicked
up his heels! The good boy smiled the while
seraphically and slobbered. The bad boy
then went straightway and laid out his good
money in all manner and kinds of nasty and
indigestible messes-hardbake, cocoanut Che
boug hit fourteen of these,) bulls eyes, stick
liquorice, tamarinds and Austrian beef. The
boy fell to and gorged hideously upon these
things, and so exhausted his little capital,
coming to the good boy when it was all gone
with long and pitiful face. "Ah p said the
good boy, chad you not spent your sovereign
thus fooishly, you would have had it now as
have mine. Instead of buying hardbake-
thing myself never touch, except when it
is given to me-you might have bestowed five
shillings upon the society for supplying wood
en.legged infdels with worsted slippers. In.
stead of buying cocoanuts, you might have
dropped another five bob into the donation
box of the hospital for paralyzed shakers, and
instead of wasting the other ten shillinngs in
the way you have, you might have done
don't know what that was good, and kind,
and generous and noble" The bad boy, con.
fused and confounded, turned away his head
at this, and wept bitter tears. Then the good
boy went out for stroll, feeling ever so much
gooder for having said what he had, and on
his way accidentally dropped his own sover'
eign down sewer grating


JOHN Guy AND GENERAL CAss.-In years
gone by there dwelt in Washington, John Guy,
a character in his way, in connection with
whom Colonel Forney tells the following an.
ecdote:


Guy kept the National Hotel in Washing
ton, and among his guests was General Cass,
then Senator from Michigan. Guy dressed
like Cass, and although not as portly, bis face,
including the wart, was strangely similar.
One day western friend of the house came
in after long ride, dusty and tired, and, walk
ing up to the office, encountered General Cass,
who was quietly standing there. Mistaking
him for Guy, be slapped him on the shoulder,
and exclaimed, "Well, old fellow, here am |!
The last time hung my hat up in your shanty
one Of your clerks sent me to the fourth story;
but now thst I have got hold Of you, 1 insist
upon lower room"


The general, most digni6ed parsonage, ia.
ken aback by this startling salute, coolly re-
piled, "You have committed mistake, sir.
/ am not Mr.. Guy;I am General Cass, Of
Michigan" and angrily turned away. The
Western man was shocked at the unconscious
outrage he had committed !; but before he had
recovered from his modification General Cass,
who had passed around the Office, confronted
him again, when, second time mistaking him
r.. L. ooSI