Year: 1870




Sheet: t.t


The London Newspaper Press contains
the following classification of newspaper sub
scribers, which is somewhat vaguely credit
ed to "an American paper:"-


First come the


UpRIGHTs These are men who take
newspapers, pay for them, and read them
Observe the order in which these things are
done: The pay comes first-the reading
next. These men consider they get the
worth of their money in the bargain. 1t
seems as fair and just to them that the news
papers should be paid for as barrel of SUI
gar or new coat. They never entertain
any other opinion. When the year ruins out,
Or little before, they are on hand with the
pay. There is no more difficulty with them
in remembering this period, than Sunday or
the first of January. If one of them wishes
to stop his paper, he either calls or writes
letter by his postmaster, in due season. like
a man. This class is dear to the heart of
the editor. Their image is embalmed in his
warm affections. May they live thousand
years. and see their sons sons to the fourth
generation.


The second class now in mind is the


Do WELLs.-This class is nearly related
to the other-so near, that it is hard to tell
where one begins and the other ends. These
men always pay in advance in the beginning,
and intend to do so continually. But men,
ory fails little, or some mishap intervenes,
and the time runs by-sometimes little
sometimes for quite a period But their rec
objection, though nodding occasionally, never
gets sound asleep. 1t pronounces the word
in due time-"The printer is not paid;' and
forthwith their will to do well kindles into
activity. Now comes the paying up
"Meant to do so before. Don't mean to let
such things pass by" A publisher can live
with such men. They have warm place
in his memory-only little back of the Up
rights. If such a man dies in arrears, his
wife or son remembers that he may not have
paid up for his newspaper, and forthwith in
stitutes inquiries. They remember that part
of the benefit was theirs, and, estate or no
estate, see that the printers bills are not
among their fathers unsettled accounts.


Next comes the


EASY Doors. These men believe in news
papers. They have fully settled it in their
own minds that newspaper is good thing.
They take them, too. Sometimes at the
first they pay up for the first year-at any
rate they mean to, pretty soon. If they have
done so, they sit down with the comforting
conviction that their newspaper is now set
tied for; and this idea having once got into
their heads, refuses obstnately to be dis
lodged, but keeps its hold from year to year; :;
a truth once-now an illusion, gray and rheu-
matte with years. The editor, marking the
elongated and elongating space in the ac-
counts current of their dollars, begins to ask
if they are dead or have gone to California
Now he begins to poke bills at them. They
suddenly start up to the reality that they are
in arrears; and, like men, as they are at the
bottom, pay up. They never dispute his
bis-they know books tell better stories
than moss-covered memor'es. If the pub
Usher has faith enough, or long purse, and
can live like alternating bear, he may sur
vive this class. But if he is mortal only
woe be to him.


The next class IS that of the


Down KILLERS. Here we begin to side
over to the other side. The picture sudden
ly gets sombre. We shall dispatch the
Down Killers suddenly. One of these may
take a paper because wife wants one, Or the
children are Jealous to read it, or neighbor
persuades him. When it begins to come,
he dismisses all thoughts about it further.
If the editor sends a man directly to him at
the end of two Or three years, he may get
some pay for his paper, but with growls and
surly looks, He never pays any debt if he
can get rid of it, and newspaper least of ALL
Still, he hates lawsuits, and constables, and
all that. A dun has the same effect on him
that bullet has on a hippottamus-g glancing
from his hide, or sinking into the blubber
harmless. He is always sliding down hill =,
and soon merges into another class, that of


The Nix Cum RoUsE.-No matter how
this man began his subscription, he never
pays for it-not he. "He don't like that
sort of paper. 1t don't give no news. He
never did like it. He didn't want it in the
first place, and told the postmaster so. He
sent back one more than year ago-besides,
he never began to take it till long time
after it came, and he hadn't had only two
or three of them, at any rate and those he
hadn't read" Wipe him off.


Here comes the


SoAPEGRAoE.-It is enough to say of him
that he never fails to have newspaper-two
or three of them. When he thinks they
have come about long enough for the pub
Usher to want pay, he sends back with ''stop
it," Or he takes up his quarters and leaves
for parts unknown. He does not want to
pay, and he don't mean to. Get it if you
can.


Reader, in which of the above classes are
you found?


RANK OF CIrJrS The GREAT cities Of the