Year: 1873

N
The following is n laughable account
of the misfortunes that befel an Ameri-
can gentleman upon q visit to a lady in
Paris, to whom he bore letters of intro
duction. After relating number of lu-
dicrous and amusing mistakes upon his
entrance into the presence of the lady, he
thus proceeds


The ordinary routine of q French din
ner commenced. A regular series OF
servants appeared each instant at our ell
bows, inviting us to partake of thous-
and different kinds of wine, under strings
of names which | no more understood
than understood their composition, or
they did my gouche'ieS. Resolute tn
avoid all further opportunities for dis
playing my predominant trait, sat in
the most obstinate silence, saying oui to
eating with the most devout application,
till my fair neighbor, tired with my taci,
turnity and her own, at length herself be-
gan conversation by inquiring how
was pleased with the opera. | was just
raising large morsel Of potato to my
mouth, and in order to reply as hastily
MS possibly, l hastily thrust it in, intend
ing to swallow it hastily. Heavens 1t
was as hot as buring lava. What could
do? The lady's eyes were fixed upon
me, waiting a reply to her question. But
my mouth was in a flame. rolled the
burning morsel hither and thither, rock
ing my head from side to side while my
eyes, which involuntarily had fixed on
her, strained from their sockets. She re-
garded my grimaces, of the cause OF
which she was ignorant, with an express
sion of amusement and surprise, at which
l can now laugh when l think of it.


Monsieur is ill ?" at length she gen
tly and in an anxious tone inquired
could bear no more. My mouth was
flaying with intolerable pain /; SO, quietly
abandoning the point, l opened 1t to the
utmost, and out dropped the Internal
brand upon my plate. Not the slightest
tendency to risibility rufiled the imper-
turable politeness of the lady. She sooth-
ingly condolcd with me on my misfor-
fortune, then gradually led the CONVEX
sation to a variety of topics, still exerting
the magic influence that true polteness
always exercises, and | began to forget
even my own blunders. Gradually my
cheeks burned less painfully, and could
join in the conversation without the fear
that every word l uttered shared the fate
Of the action | attempted even ven
tured to hope nay, to congratulate my
self that the catalogue Of calamites was
completed for the day.


Let no man call himself happy be-
fore DEATH" said Solan, and he said
wisely. The Ides of March were not yet
over. Before us stood dish Of cauli-
flower, nicely done in butter. This |
naturally enough took for custard pud-
ding, which it sufficiently resembed.
Unfortunately my vocabulary was not
extensive enough TO embrace all the
technicalities OF the table, and when my
fair neighbor inquired il | was fond OF
chorfeur, verify took it TO be the French
for custard pudding, and so high was my
panegyric of it that my plate was bounti-
fully laden with it. Alas, one single
mouthful was enough to dispel my ilu-
sion |!


Would to Heaven that the chOrfeu,'
had vanished with it. But that remained
bodily, and as | gazed despondingly on
the large mass that loomed almost rs
large and burning as Vesuvius, my heart
died within me. Ashamed to confess my
mistake, although | could as readily have
swallowed an equal quantity of soft soap,
l struggled on manfully against the
mountainous heap at its base-and shut
my eyes and opened my mouth to inhale
as large masses as l could without stop
ping to taste 1t. But my stomach soon
began intelligibly enough to intimate its
intention TO admit no more of this nause-
Gus stranger beneath its roof, if not even
expelling that which had gained an un-
welcome admission.


The seriousness of the task had un-
dertaken, and the resolution necessary to
execute it, had given an earnestness and
rapdity to my exertions which my sppe-
tite could not have inspired, when my
plate, having got somewhat over the ta-
BILE, upon my leaning forward, tilted up,
and down slid the disgusting mass into