Year: 1875




that point; Moulton told me Of his own
personal knowledge that most Of these
stories were false; he believed Tilton to


be a man absolutely chaste and faithful
to his marital relations, and asseverated
that in various forms and pressed 1t on
me; the conversation occupied IN TINS
direction perhaps nearly an hour, going
over the relations OF TutOn's character
and his standing; told him, however,
that that was not the matter that huft


most; / felt very scutely that L had
done wrong even in those respects to-


ward Mrs. 1ilton; the assurance that
Tilton was blameless in these respects
brought on me a sense OF wrong that was


very hard to bear; If there was anything,
| told him, on this earth that abhorred,
it was scandal and talking about peO'


pie; that | had kept myself clear
from them, and that there were few per-


sons in the world who dare tell me such


things, and to find that i had been


caught in the slum mvself was very


hard for my pride; that | had listened


to stories, and that l had believed them;


that / was ashamed and mortified about


it; that il was ali the worse because 1t v q ;
toward friend whom / had known and


whom / had loved, and whose house
hold was to me like my own home: that
it was not the wsy TiltOn had treated


me; when was in adversely he dropped


everything and went to serve me, be-
cause it was my son, who was more than


me; he dropped everything and went to
Washington, and did a great Office Of


kindness for me, and when he was in
trouble 1 found the first thing had done
was to take sides against him and add
to the weight that was threatening to


crush him; / could not bear that; as 1t
regarded his household did not know
hardly what to say; / couldn't under
stand it how Elizabeth should have
called me to 8 meeting to counsel her
about 8 separation without letting Inc
know either before or at an interview
that there had ever been a dis
crepancy in the household of such a
kind there had been; could not under


stand it; was so bewildered by 1t that
il seemed to me that if he had been led
to transfer her affections from her bus
band by reason of my presence, could
not but feel that l was blamewOrthy;
that she was woman SO quiet and SO
| simple-her exterior life was so far from
| that that l had never suspected it, but
! that her conduct seemed to be not such


as led me to feel that there had been; |;
that the allegation was not untrue; that
l had warped her affection, which her
husband had made on an interview Of
the thirtieth and it seemed to me she


must have been broken down iu her
moral nature, and that such charges
and retractions, and withdrawal OF re.
fractions, was pitiable thing, and IN
dicated that great mischief had been
done in that household, and that
/ had been the occasion OF 1t


was very plain and evident
| though 1 had not suspected, and that
led to some conversation in which eX-
pressed my doubt whether this was the
first time that | had given vent t. all


my thought and feeling; the other inter-
views had been, as it were, diplomatic;
7 felt that Moulton was friend to both


sides, and for the first time / gave air to
| the pent-up feeling that l had, AMI
walked about the room in great agita-


ton and great seIf-condamnation; l


said to him that / could not conceive of
anything for what man should blame
himself more utterly than to intrude on
| q household and be the means of break
| ing it up; that my idea Of friendship


and love was that it gave strength, and
| that had always supposed my presence
| in their family was giving strength to


all of them it was a blessing TO his
| children; that it was help to his wife
| in her duties, and that it was not with
| out beneficial influence TO Tilton in the
! long run, and this came on like thun-


der-clap, and was amazed and beWil-


dered by it; think it was perhaps in


that relation, when l was somewhat


doubling whether it could possibly be
| true, MOultOn said to me, sitting in his


chair There Beecher put his leg over the


arm OF the chair in illustration, with al


intelligent lookl, "Why, there's no


doubt about that Beecher; Elizabeth


Tilton loves your little finger more than


she does Tilton's whole body" L accept


ed it; / had no means OF contradiction


| said to myself it is a smouldeTIng fire


burning concealed, and l know nothing


OF it: l feel ashamed; it is not my fault


l felt rather the impulse, suppose,


which every gentleman will understand,


to say, ought to have foreseen: was


the oldest person; L was one that had


had experience; she was child; II she


did not know that the tendrils OF her


affection were creeping upon me,


ought to have known it, and L expressed


myself without measure on that subject


and [ alluded, in the conversation, tC
| l.


the feeling that | had always had fol


her as of saint like person, and the


conflict that now was in my mind in re-


spect to her as one that had beer
broken down, and had brought these


false charges against me and taken


them back, and was acting in manner


almost like one that was bareit of rea


son; and that the two images l coulC


not understand it; much conversation


passed backward and forward, turning


on this, that Tilton was set against me


that ne felt ! was his enemy, anC


that | had done him wrong in hi


business relations, and that lhad sough


to undermine his influence in the com


munity; it was harder because the I'M


plicatiOn or statement that / had madt


use of acquired reputation, and NJ.


position as head of great church, ant
nv relation to the community, asld


from mere personal action, had gone t
overshadow and injure him; l protested


against such an iIea that he had Occa


sion to think had done him wrong II
these matters; was ashamed to be OBJ
liged to admit that | had done him al
Intentional wrong in his family; l de
MED that l had wronged him, and
was very evident, it seemed to me, from
! the present condition and action c
, Mrs. Tilton; we went over the sam
ground good many times, running Ou
, 3 line and going into something else
and that bringing US back again, an
} on the whole Mr.. MOultOn was far les
severe with me than was with myself


and at times, as it were, deprecated M
, own strong language against mysel
and said, as the interview drew to


close, that l would that TiltOn woul
only hear what he had heard he was sal
, isfied that it would remove from hi
) mind the animosity and conviction b
t had that l was seeking his ruin
t "Well," l said to him, Estate what 20
3 see and hear. open my heart to yol
l Write these statements, or some {
them, to Tilton." At first l thought
9 would, but l was in whirl and couldn'
e l said 81 decline" "Well," said h'
t 'let me write them," or something
: that effect. I said, az have no Objtt
: ton to your writing them" He ss
g down at the table, but the cOnversatiO
= did not stop. ! amplified, an
+. went on, and finally he said to nt
t "Well, | will say to him, and he mao
n something, looked up and said: 81 wi
e tell Tilton SO and so" as set OF inte
y pretations as to what had been saying
o l said, "All right" and he made
g memorandum Of it; then L went frol
: point to pOilt, and sometimes he woul
n say, "What about so and so"' and
e would go on talking profusely and lon
10 and he would lot down q memorandum