Year: 1872

Choosing HusDanus'


"When a girl marries, why do people
talk of her choice? In ninety-nine cases
out of one hundred, has she any choice?
Does not the man probably the last
she would have chosen) select hers"


A very clever correspondent has sent
us a letter containing this query; and
she makes out her case ably. She says:
al have been married many years; the
match was considered very good one,
suitable in every respect-age, position
and fortune. Every one said had
made a good choice. Why, my dear
Mr.. Editor, loved my husband when 1
married him, because he had by unwea
ried assiduity succeeded in gaining my
affections; but had choice been my pri-
vilege I certainly should not have chos-
en- him. As look at him now in his
easy chair, huge dog at his feet, pipe
peeping out of one of the many pockets
of his shooting coat, can but think
how differeAt he is from what would
have chosen. My first penchant was
for a fashionable clergyman, perfect
Adonis; he was t1atterer, and he cared
but little for me, though have not yet
forgotten the pang Of his desertion. My
next was a barrister, young man of
immense talent, smooth, insinuating
manners; but he too, after talking, walk
ing, dancing and hirting, left me in the
lurch. Either of these would have been
my choice, had L so chosen; but my
present husband chose me, and there
fore married him; and this, 1 cannot
help thinking, must be the way with
half the married folks of my acquaint-
ance."


There is both sound sense and truth
in this; but is it not better that men
should choose than that they should be
chosen? And is not our correspondent
probably much happier with her pres
ent husband, shooting jacket, pipe and
dog inclusive, tLan she would have
been with either the fashionable cler-
gyman or the clever barrister ? Men
are proverbially inconstant, and after
marriage, when the trouble and incon-
venience of children are beginning to
be felt, and when (the most trying
time of all,) the wife begins to neglect
her husband for her children, unless
there was originally a very strong at
tachment on the husbands side, there
is little chance of happiness. A wife's
affection, on the contrary, always in
creases after marriage; and even if she
were Indifferent before; no well dis
posed woman can help loving the father
of her children. Children, on her side,
are a bond of union, and though she
may appear for them to neglect some
of those little attentions which men nat
urally seem to expect, it is only be-
cause the child is the more helpless
being of the two, and the true woman
always takes the side of those who are
most feeble.


1t is a strange but melancholy fact,
that when young girls fancy them
selves in love, they are seldom if ever
happy if they marry the object of their
choice. The fact is in most cases, they
find the husband they have chosen
equite different person as an individ
ual from the imaginary object he had
appeared as lover. The imagination
in most girls is stronger than the judg-
ment; and as soon as the first idea ol
love is awakened in a female heart
the imagination is set to work to fancy
lover, and all possible and impossible
perfections are assembled together in
the young girls mind to endow the OBJ.
ject of her secret idolatry. The first
man whose appearance and manners
attract girl on her entrance into socie-
ty is generally invested by her with the
halo of these secret thoughts, and she
fancies herself violently in love, with
out the least real knowledge of the
man she supposes herself in love with.
No wonder then, that if she marries
she is miserable. The object of her
love has vanished, never to return,
and she finds herself chained for life to
man she detests, because she faneies
she has been deceived in him.


On the other hand, the man, who with
very pardonable vanity, fancied him
self loved for his own merits, and who
was perfectly unconscious of the secret
delusions of the girl, becomes, when he
finds her changed after marriage, quite
indignant at her caprice. The friends
and relations on both sides share in the
same feelings-"what would she havef"
they cry-"she married for love, and
see the consequencer'


The consequences are indeed in such
cases, generally sad enough. When the
first delusion is dissipated, and the
truth in its stern reality comes forth
from the veil that has been thrown
around it, both parties feel indignant at
the false position in which they find
themselves. Mutual recriminations take
place-each accusing the other of deceit
and ingratitude; while the apparent in
Justice of these accusations which is felt
by each party alternately, first wounds
the feelings, and then, if repeated, ran
kles in the wound till it becomes incur
able.


Senator Summers native ward, in
Rocfon rononflx7 aIaoto6 Grant dpl-