Year: 1871

vention of maxjms and aphOrisms calcul-


ated to intiict suffering upon the rising


generations of all subsequent ages. His


simplest acts also were contrived with a


view to their being held up for the emula-
'tion of boys forever-boys who might 9TH


erwise have been happy. 1t was in this


spirit that he became the son of a soap


boiler F.; and he probably for no other rea-
son than that the efforts of all future boys


who tried to be anything might be looked


upon with suspicion unless they were the


sons of soap boilers. With a manevolence


which is without parallel in history, he


would work all day aad then sit up nights
and let on to be studying algebra by the
smoldering fire, so that all other boys
might have to do that also, or else have
Benjamin Franklin thrown up to them.
Not satisfied with these proceedings, he had
fashion of living entirely upon bread and
water, and studying astronomy at meal
time-a thing which has brought affiiction
to millions Of boys since, whose fathers had
read Franklin's pernicious biography.


His maxims were full of animosity to-
wards boys. Nowadays a boy cannot
follow single natural instinct without
tumbling over some of these everlasting
aphorisms, and hearing from Franklin, on
the spot. If he buys two cents worth of
peanuts, his father says, Remember what
Franklin said, my son, a groat day is
penny a year and the comfort is all
gone out Of those peanuts. If he wants to
spin his top when he is done work, his
father quotes, Procrastination is the thief
of time. II he does a virtuous action he
never getssaRything for it because Virtue
IS its,,own reward. And that boy is bounded
to death and deprived of his natural rest,
because Franklin said once, in one of his in.
spired flights Of malignity


Early to bed and early to rise,


Makes man healthy, wealthy and WISE"
as if it were any object to boy to be
healthy and wealthy and wise on such
terms. The sorrow that maxim has cost
me through my parents experimenting on
me with 1t, toungue cannot tell. The le-
gltimate result Is my present state OF gen
eral debility, indigence and mental aberra-
tion. Ny parents used to have me up
before nine o'clock in the morning, some
times, when | was boy. If they had let
me take my natural rest, where would |
have been now? Keeping store no doubt, f.
aud respected by all.


And what an adroit old adventurer the /
subject of this memoir was In order to
get a chance to fly his kite on Sunday, he
used to hang a key on the string and let on
to be fishing for lightning. And a guile
less public would 20 home chirping about
the wisdom aud the genius Of the /.
hoary Sabbath breaker. If anybody caught /
him playing mumble-peg by himself af- .
ter the age Of sixty, he would Immediately .
appear to be ciphering out how the grass
grew-as if it was any OF his business.
Ny grandfather knew him well, and he
says Franklin was always fxed-always
read Ii body during his old age, hap
pened on him unexpectedly when he was
catching flies, or making mud pies, or slid
ing on a cellar door, he would immediately
look wise, rip out maxim and walk of
with his nose in the air and his cap turned
wrong side before, trying to appear absent
minded and eccentric. He was a hard
.ot


He invented a stove that would smoke
your head off in four hours by the clock
One can see the almost devilish satistac-
ton he took in it, by his giving It his
name


He was always proud of telling how he
entered Philadelphia for the first time,
with nothing IN the world but two shillings
in his pocket, and four rolls OF bread under
bis arm. But really, when you come to
examine critically, it was nothing. Any
body could have done it.


To the subject Of this memoir belongs
the honor Of recommending the army TO 90
back to bows and arrows, IN place of bay
Onets and muskets. He observed with his
customary force. that the bayonet was
very well under the circumstances but
be doubted whether it could be used with
accuracy at long range.


Benjamin Franklin did q great many
notable things for his country, and made
her young name to be honored in many
ands as the mother of such a son. 1t is
not the idea Of this memoir to ignore that
1r cover it up. No the simple idea of
his IS to Snub those pretentious maxims of
ais which he worked up with a great
show OF originality out of truisms that had
become wearisome platitudes as carly as
The dispersion from Babel. and also to
snub his stove, and his military inspira-
lions, his unseemly endeavor to make him :
self conspicuous when he entered Philadel- |
ohia, and his flying kite and foolng away l
lime in all sorts of such ways, when he {
ought to have been foraging for soap-fat or i
candles. l merely desire to !
10 away with somewhat of the calamitous ,
dea among heads of families that Frank I
in acquired his great genius by moon t
ight, and getting up in the night instead t
If waiting till morning like a Christian, ,
md that this programme rigidly inflicted, I
will make Franklin of every fathers ,
DOL 1t is time that these gentlemen were {
hiding out that these execrable eccentrici- |
les Of instinct and conduct are only the !
evidences of genius, not the creators of it


wish [ had been the father of my parents 7
ong enough to make them comprehend this I
ruth, and thus prepare them to let their 7
on have an easier time of it. When l t
vas child had to boil soap, notwith- f
tanding my father was wealthy, and had a
0 get up early and study geometry at
and peddle my own poetry, and 9
o everything just as Franklin did, in the c
olemn hope that | would be Franklin 4
ONE day. And here am.-Mark T1caiu. i


An Old-Tme Clergyman. P
lie COUNTRY PARs0N OF 4 HUNDRED YEARS


AGO