Year: 1871

she was dreadfullY set about going on
a bridal tour. / told her that she
had better wait six months or year,
and I'd try to go with her, and she
said she'd rather go alOne-when n
woman was travelling man was an
Out-and-Out humbug.


So 1 gave her seventy-five cents,
and told her to go and have good
time. never begrudge money where
my wife's happiness is concerned. My
first wife never could complain Of not
going anywhere, for Pm dreadful
fierce to go off on q good time myself,
and always was. / don't pretend to
say how many times 1 took her out
to see the sights, and there was no
end TO the free lectures she went to.
The neighbors used to say, "I 1t beats
all how the Skinners do gO!"


When Siguor Blitz was in Skunk
vile with his wonderful canaries. he
gave my wife complimentary ticket.
/ / not only sold that ticket for my
wife, but gave her half the money.
/ don't boast Of it, but only mention
it TO show how much l thought OF
her happiness.


1 don't think any man ought to get
married until he can consider his
wife's happiness only second to his
own. John Wise, aneighbor Ofmine,
did thusly, and when 1 got married
concluded to do likewise


But the plan didn't work in the
case of my second wife. NO-I should
say not. / preached the subject
kindly:


Matilda" said 1, IL suppose you
are aware that 1 am your lord and
master!"


"Not much you amt" said she.


Mrs. Skinner" said I, "you are
fearfully disorganiZed. You are
cranky, land I brandished my new
sixty cent umbrella wildly around
her.


She took the umbrella away from
me and locked me up in the clothes
press


I am quick to draw an inference,
and the inference I drew here was,
that / was not success as re-Organ-
izer of female women.


After this I changed my tactics.
let her have her own way, aud the
plan from the very first worked to a
charm. It's the best way of manag-
ing a wife that 1 know of.


OF course that is between you and
me. It's a secret worth knowing.


SO when my wife said she was
bound to go off on bridal tour, any
how. / cordially assented.


go, Matilda said /, and stay
as long as you want to; then, If you
feel as though you would like to stay
little longer, stay my dear"


She told me to stop my talking, and
go up stairs and get her red flannel
night-cap, and that bag of penny
royal for her aunt Abigail. My wife
is a very smart woman. She was 8
7. Daxter, and the Daxters are a smart
family indeed. Her mother, who is
going on eighty, can fry more slap
Jacks now than half of these primpup
town girls, who rattle on the plano
or walk the streets with their fur
bellows and their fiXins, pretending to
get mad ifa young man looks at them
pretty hard, but getting mad in
earnest if you take no notice of them
at all.


Ali girls amt what they used tC
be when / was young, and the fellows
J are worse still. When Event court
ing, for instance, never thought oi
staying till after 10 O'Clock, and only
} went twice a week. Now they GO
seven nights in the week and cry for
want of more then write touching
! notes to each other through the day
=" Dear George, do you love me as
much as you did at a quarter past
twelve last night? Say you do dearest
J and it will give me courage to go
down and tackle them cold beans left
over from yesterday"


Well, well, / suppose they enjoy
themselves and it amt for us old folks
whose hearts have got a little cal
loused by long wear, to interfere.
y Let them get together and court, il
they like it-and think they do. !
was forty-seven when 1 cOurted Iny
present wife, but it seemed just as
nice to sit on little cricket at her
feet, and let her smooth my hair, as it
did twenty years ago.


AS ! said before, my wife was a
smart woman, but she couldn't be
anything else and be Daxter. She
used to give lectures OF wOmen's
rights and in one place where she
lectured q big college conferred the
title of L. L. d. upon her. But she
wouldn't take it. No, gentlemen, !"
said she, "give it to the poor" She
was always just so charitable. She
gave my boys permission to so bare
footed all winter and insisted on it so
much in her kind way that we
couldn't refuse.


She fairly dotes upon my children,
and I've seen her many time go for
their trowser pockets after they had
gone to sleep, and take out their
pennies and put them in her bureau
drawer for fear they might lose them.


I started to tell you all about my
wife's bridal tour, but the fact is, /
never could find much about it my
self. / believe she had good time.
She came back improved in health,
and 1 found out before she was in the
house twenty-four hours, that she had
] gained strength also. don't say
how L found it out; 1 simply say /
/ found it out.
! In conclusion, / would say to all
young men, marry your second wife
I first, and keep out Of debt by all
means, even if you have to borrow
/ the money 10 pay il.