Year: 1876




BILE, so / got the hatchet and proceeded
to hammer in the edge of the pipe. Hav-
ing done this tried it and found that l
had not made it much better. | told my
wife, and smiled as said it, that
would try another plan, and asked her to
bring me case knife. / went out and
brought in the sawbuck, and putting the
long piece of pipe into it, asked her to sit
upon it so as to hold it. Then with my
short piece of pipe in one hand and The
knife in the other proceeded to try and
get them together. Somehow | could
not do it, for as soon rs l would get in
one side the other woall come out. i
then suggested that if l had another
knife | cOUld get it on. 1t was forth
coming in amament. Then with a knife
in each hand, found that i could not
hold the pipe and use both knives at
once. began to get excited by this
time, and the perspiration began to ooze
out Oh my forehead, but kept smile
on my face, though / fancied it must be
rathe: a sickly looking one. | tried my
best to get those two pieces Of pipe to-
gethe in every way could think of, by
using those two knives, and utterly failed,
At last l thought of another eXpedient
went out and got round piece Of wood
and brought that in. Iput that on the
sawbuek and got my wife seated on that
Then put the pipe on that, anl with
the head of the hitchet tried to knock
down and in the edge of the pipe, but as
fast as | would get one place fixed il
would fly out whenI hammered another
place. By this time had my necktie
and paper collar of, the neck band of my
shirt was unbuttoned, and was perspir-
ing freely. Istill smiled, but 1 was mad,
and / own it. So up with the hatchet
for tremendous blow at that pipe
Down came the hatchet upon that doom
ed piece of pipe. That was the way |
proposed to give vent to my anger with
out swearing. In my anger had turned
the hatchet so that when it came down il
cut right through the edge of the pipe


NY wife in an instant saw how to take
advantage of this, and said it was th'
best thing could do, for now it would
slip by at the cut thus becoming small
enough to 60 into the other pipe. | saw
too, that she had not discovered that
was mad.


Here was a chance for me to redeem
myself. So put on more smiles, pinch
ed the pipe together little, and sure
enough il went on all right. Next came
the elbow. and if you believe it, that was
too smlll. What to do did not know
though it almost went on. could moi
think Of anything else, So | again had
recourse to my hatchet, aud tried to make
it large enough by knocking out the
edge of the elbow. had better luck al
this, for soon got it SO the other went
on just little. By little knocking to-
gether we at last got it so we could pu
it on the stove and in It's place for use
Then we had more trouble, for we found
it would not go UP through the floor with
the elbow on. So we took it apart and
put it upsin pieces. We got it up through
the floor at last, and then found that il
was not quite long enough to reach the
hole in the chimney. In fact it want &c
just another half length of pipe.


BY this time / was i'm an awful state
was Chuck faH of swear, and deter
mined that wouldn't Under any circum-
stances.


/ had always been told that / coulC
not sing, but having somehow read of {
man who, when angry, went to singing
to keep him all right and straight,
thought l would try, it, so I went te
singing "Old Dan Tucker" You ought
to to have seen my wife stare at me. She
wanted to know right off if was sick o
what was the matter. L only smiled, &
little sickly smile, but kept at work put
ting up that stove. Iwent at it and tool
out the halt length | had putin, ane
then tried to find whole length tina,
would fit. Some were too small, som,
too large, and some badly jammed; bui
after long and patient search [ GO
one that / though would do-and i
would have been all right if had no
doctOred that elbow so as to fit thu
piece. Thee was now too large! 81
1 went at doctOring it the other way, b,
giving it an outward application of th'
hatehct. l Knocked in The corners of i
pretty lively; and guess hit it in som,
places harder than ought to have done
for own up that | thought " "dummit
every time hit it; and those who know
anything about putting together stove
pipe, know that when you think sucl
thing it emphasizes the blow very much


kept smiling all this while, and triet
to look good natured, even if [ didn'
feel so. 's


Well we worked at it until we got
together; got it on the stove, and got :
continuous length of pipe from the stow
to the chimney. But it was a bad job
and a shaky'one too. It would hardl.
stand alone. My wife drew a Ions


breath, and said she knew / could pu


up stove and not swear or get mad.
We were congratulating ourselve


upon our success, when we discovere,


that we had failed to put any oilcloth O


zinc under the stove. Here was tlilem
INA. How to get that in its proper plac