smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1871

Nothing has yet been heard from this
expedition which sailed in the Tennessee
on the 18th Of January and there is much
anxiety felt at the Capital and throughout
the country, for its safety, because its
arrival has not been teegraphed from
Havana. The Washington papers ondeavor
to account for the absence of all informa-
ton by a number of theories, none of
which fully satisfies the public, or relieves
the terrible suspense Of those having friends
in the vessel.


A steamship ought to reach San Domin-
go in about eight days from New York.
The Tennessee was due there about the
25th or goth Of January, and dispatch
boat could have carried the news of her
arrival to the nearest telegraph station on
the island OF Cuba in two or three days
more.


According to this reckoning, the vessel
should have been reported week ago or
more. But, on the other hand, we have
heard that some of her machinery had
been changed in such way that it @a'
believed she would have very little speed
and if this is true, she may have made
very poor headway.


The Tennessee is staunch vessel. anC
though she may have been disabled, ther,
is no reason TO fear for her any worse fat,
than delay for she is too strong and wei
built to founder in any gale which ha
blown since she sailed, and her officer
were too careful and skillful to let her b
wrecked on any shore. Though, therefore
the delay has caused anxiety among tbos
who have friends on board of her, there
really as yet no good reason for distress.
Year: 1871

THE San Francisco Neacs Letter has been
rendered libel suit for no other cause
than speaking Of an editor ola rival paper
in this mild mannerly way:


"The vacant-headed simileton who has
for months misconducted a dramatic paper
in this city, has been so perslstently kicked
by gentlemen across whose path he has
had the temerity TO crawl, that he has
finally been compelled to purchase the
luxury of sitting down without pain by
dispcsing Of his interest. This ridiculous
incarnation of idiocy, who by miraculous
manifestation Of morbid meanuess in
mother nature was thrust upon protest.


ing world as faultless specimen of the
human hog, was decent printer until his
mirror suggested the aspiring monkey,
which he straightway attempted to emu
late in ambition as in face. His brief but
brilliant career affords another illustration
of the folly of attempting the role of 9
gentleman with the brain Of a jackass. L
| It be not already clear that we allude tt
| George II. Russell, we despair of describing
| Ounce by any ordinary method of deli
| cate insinuation."
Year: 1871

A PRINTER once determined that every
time his fellow-work men went cut to drink
beer during the working hours, he would
put in the bank the exact amount which
he would have spent if he had gone out to
drink. lie kept to this resolution for five
years. He then examined his bank ac-
count and found that he had on deposit
$521S6. In the five years be had not lost
a day from ill-health. Three out Of five Of
his fellow-workmcn had, in the meantime,
become drunkards, were worthless as work
men aud were discharged. The water
dripker then bought out the printing office,
went on enlarging his business, and in
twenty years from the time he began tc
put by his money was worth 500. 900
N 0. Picayane.
Year: 1871

We are not Just now theatrcally happy.
There is nothing going on at the temple of the
muses., nor will there be, as we are assured,
this week. This does not speak we'll for the
city in business point of view, for it is noto.
rious fact that when the theatre fourishes, bu-
siness generally is prosperous, and the people
happy. There is no better sign of the decs-
dence of people in material wealth, prosperi-
ty and good feeling than their neglect of the
theatre. Show us a prosperous city and you
will be sure to find that it has theatres crowd
ed to their greatest capacity every night
Even the afternoon performances come to be
standard sources of enjoyment in such cities.
The thing means only progress. We regret
that we do not enjoy it, we ike progress
Year: 1871

Some matter-of-fhct. person has dis
covered that babies are only thought
pretty because there is so little of them.
He demonstrates it by means of a mag
nifying glass. Enlarge the undraped
innocent to the dimensions of the We
nus de Medici and you behold a great
lubberly, hideous deformity, with the
look Of an idiot.
Year: 1871

GA man who'd maliciously set fire to
barn." said good old Elder Poyson,
sand burn up a stable full of horses and
cows aught to be kicked to death by u
jackass, and I'd like to be the one to do
il -
Year: 1871

A traveller, we are told, being in a
wild country where he could find no
provisions for himself or dog, cut of the
dogs tail and boiled it for his own sup
per, and gave the dog the bone.
Year: 1871

There is comical story connected
with the Ordnance Select Committee.
1t was at one time proposed to fire
mountain-guns off the backs of mules
that carried them. 1t was urged that
this would obviate the necessity of dis
mounting the gun from the mules
back and mounting it on its carriage
a mountain battery could thus come
into action in far less time. This pro-
posal was warmly taken up by the
committe, who forthwith proceeded
to test its feasibility. A mule or don.
key was procured, and a small CUR
strapped firmly to a cradle resting or
the pack-saddle, so that the weapon
pointed over the donkey's tail. The
animal was then led into the marshe:
at Woodwich, accompanied by the
committee and several "big wigs" who
were attracted by such an experiment
On arriving at the butt the gun wai
loaded. the donkey turued with his tai
towards the earthen mound, and the
usual preparations made for firing by
means of lanyard and friction tube
Hereupon one Of the committee re-
marked that this mode of firing might
derange the aim by the jerk on pulling
the lanyard. A discussion followed
and it was finally arranged to FIRE the
gun by the piece of slow match tied
to the vent. This was done, and the
match duly ignited. Hitherto the
donkey had taken rather a sleepy in
terest in the proceedings; but the fz
zing of the match on his back caused
him first to prick up his ears, then tC
lay them back, and finally to begin tc
turn round. The committee wer,
thunder struck, and "skedaddled" il
all directions; the secretary threw
himself fat on his face (; there was al
agonizing moment Of suspense; thel
-bang-the shot went ricochettin,
away in one direction. while th,


wretched donkey turned a complet


summersault in the other.
Year: 1871

The evil that is in the world, that
rushes down our streets, devastiDg
homes, running happiness, and laying
waite the pleasant places, has many
fountains. Sin does its deadly work
in many ways, and sorrow comes from
a variety of sources. Hasty words
have much to answer for among the
rest. We are apt to think that word
or two does not matter; that we need
not trouble ourselves to be over par
ticular as to what we say. But this is
only one of our many mistakes. Words
live. There is so much vitality in
them that they take root even upon
very unlikely soil. Hasty words are
almost sure to have little sense and
less kindness in them. They are not
the offspring of meek and quiet spirits,
but of hot, passionate tempers. GAIL
men are liarsp Who but a man in
a passion would have said thatH The
assertion is so sweeping and unjust,
that if David had not prefaced it by
his profession, 81 said in my haste"
we should not have understood it.
Perhaps the reason why such are spok-
en- is, that the speaker feels himself
aggrieyed. We often do in this life
of ours we cannot have all wel wish
from our brothers and sisters. and so
we allow ourselves to grow fretfui and
angry. We are unreasonable enough
to suppose that all things should be
ours, and when we find only few things
coming to our share, then we become
discontented ana peevish, and speak
hasty words.
Year: 1871

In Seville, which is popularity be-
lieved to be in Spain, there is most
felicitious invention in the was of MAX
ing love-clandestinely. After dark
young cdbeilera steals beneath the la
dy's lattice-which, perchance, is in
the third story-and softly unscrewing
the handle of their walking sticks. pro-
ceed to extract from the same, which
are hollow, length after length of hol-
low tubing, screwing them together af-
ter the fashion of a Japanese fishing
pole, or the old apparatus wherewith
sweeps clean chimneys. A mouth
piece is fitted Into each end, and one
raised to the window above. Soon, by
the aid of this improved speaking tube,
two souls with certain unanimity of
thought and two hearts with possible
unison of pulsation. are softly COM
muning.


Now this is all very nice, seductive
ly romantic, all that sort Of thing, but
mark what the knowledge of il brought
TO q certain youth Of Baltimore. He
had read of it, or heard of it, and hap.
pening to have surreptitious affection
for young and wealthy lady which
she as surreptitiously reciprocated, he
determined, with her connivance, to
avail himself of it. He got tin pipe
Of the desired length, made by tin
ner, and in each end of it placed, for
want of better mouth-piece funnel.
Delicious conversation went on, he sit
ting ON the top of a water barrel and
she leaning from the window above.
They would converse for hours, and ex.
change all the soft nonsense in the
world, and then he would unship the
apparatus, put the tunnels in his pock-
ct, wrap the pieces up ia newspaper,
and go home in condition of ETHEREAL
bliss. The course Of true love never
did run smooth, and one evening the
old gentleman, smoking in the back
garden at an unusual hour, saw the
young gentleman arrive, fix up his ap-
paratus and commence his soul-com-
muning operations.


He made up his mind in minute.
He went into the kitchen and asked
for pitcher of boiling water; it was
handed to him and off he posted up
stairs. Just as he reached his daugh-
ter's door he commenced calling to her.
So telling her lover to wait moment,
she came to the door. "Nellie, my
dear, run up to my room and get my
spectacles; I'll wait here till You come
down." She disappeared up stairs, aud
he stole cautiously TO the window. The
minute he touched the funnel the amor.
Gus and unsuspecting youth clapped
his mouth to it to resume where he had
broken of-"my darling, you cannot
imagine how-"Just then the old gen.
tleman commenced assiduously filling
the funnel with hot water, and the rest
of that miserable youths sentence was
never heard. He wore -four on his
face for fortnight after, and declines
to 60 into society just at present.
Year: 1871

The FIJI Islanders have just estab-
lished their first theater, and native
has written tragedy for it.


The heroine of the tragedy is a girl
who loved noble young cannibal.


The father of the latter forbade him
to marry the girl, because she had no
fat and juicy relations who could be
sliced down and fried for the wedding
breakfast. But the lover made her
swear they should never be separated
In fulfillment of her VOW she ate him
one night at their old trysting-place
and, after the last mouthfnl of him had
disappeared, she wept tears of joy to
think that now their two hearts would
beat as one.


The father, when he hears the sad
news, goes up stairs, puts on his best
banana-leaf, and dies, and the villain
of the piece is about to lunch off the
remains, when the heroine rushes in,
kills the villain, eats both of the bodies
herself, and chokes to death on the vii
lain's rib, which sticks crosswise in her
throat, and strangles her as the curtain
comes down amid frantic applause.
Year: 1871

A farmer cut down a tree which
stood so near the boundary line of hi:
farm that it was doubtful whether it be.
longed to him or his neighbor. The
neighbor, however, claimed the tree,
and prosecuted the man who cut it for
damages. The case was sent to
court. Time was wasted, temper sour
ed, and temper lost; but the case was
finally gained by the prosecutor. The
last we heard Of the transaction was,
that the man who gained the cause
went TO the lawyers Office to execute a
deed of the whole farm, which he had
been compelled to sell to pay his costs !!
Then, houseless and homeless, he thrust
his hands into his pockets, and tri.
umphantly exclaimed, 1--WE beat himl"


In all the novels, when woman are
alluded to, they are described as ethe-
real creatures that man can take under
his arm and carry off any where, but
man who has Investigated the matter
says, you take the lightest girl of your
acquaintance, throw her over your
shoulders and undertake TO elope
with her and you will think she is made
of pig iron, while the romantic stories
about carrying girls against their will
is all bosh. 1t would take at least
three men to elope with one girl, if she
is anything of a kickist.


The discovery of a lock of hair in the
heart of tree in Kentucky,is thus ex-
planned In nlden times, when wizard
cures for diseases we're more in vogue
than at present, cure for phthisic
was prescribed as follows: Take a
lock of hair from the head of
patient, especially if a child, and bore
a hole in the tree, place the hair in
the hole and then plug the hole up.
The simultaneous growth of the child
and the tree takes the malady from
the child, and it is supposed to be
transmitted to the tree.


An eccentric minister in a large
parish had seventeen couples to marry
at once in a grand common service at
church. in the course of the wedding
he asked one of the men TO pledge
himself to the wrong woman. The
man naturally protested, but was told,
" Hold your tongue will marry
you all now right here you can sort
yourselves going home" "
Year: 1871

| NOW we Caught the POrcupine."


- iooao'y most of the readers of the PRESS


al VI 'aem have time during the sum-


ei n.oh'nS III which they visit the country
ior q lew weeks and spend the time in eniov-
ing themselves in one way AID anotber
had the pleasure Of spending week in Tho
Ole town OF L., few years since, where a
cousin of mine is living, whom will call
Jack. We would spend our time in different
ways sometimes in fishing aud sometimes in
cunning, just as we happened to feel,


One afternoon as we were strolling through
the woods we came to narrow path which
we had to go through in single file, Jack lead
ing and 1 following. As he went to step over
small clump of bushes saw right under his
lset some kind of an animal apparently asleep.
Before could speak Jack stepped right over
MN hitting him with his boot as he went
over, but not disturbing him in the least. As
soon as could speak cried out, "Jack what
Is ihat?" Jack came back, looking carefully
through the bushes and when he saw the ami
mai ne exclaimed, "why that is porcupine.u
what to do was new the question. Jack pro.
posed that should stay and watch him while
ne went to the house for the gun, but want.
ed him to stay; and as We could not decide
which was to stay we both started for the gun.
Arriving at the house we called Jacks BROTH
er and neighbor that happened to be present
and taking the dog along with us We started
In pursuit OF the porcupine. Creeping along
carefully to the place where we had seen the
porcupine we approached the spot but the
porcupine was not at home. 1t seems he had
stepped out and not a trace of him could be
found, although we looked all around in the
trees and every where that he could have
crawled to but without success. Then came
the laugh at our expense, and we returned
home. But we have never heard the last Of
that porcupine. FEW.
Year: 1871

Where are now the flowers that once detained me-
Like loiterer on my early way?
Where the fragrant wreaths that softly chained
When young life was like An infants play?
Where they but the fancied dreams that hover ,,
Round the couch where tender hearts repose
Only pictured wells that brightly cover


With their skyey tints world OF woes9
They are gone-but memory loves to cherish


All their sweetness in her deepest core.
All the recollection cannot perish,


Though the eye may never meet them more
There are hopes, that like enchantment, brighten
Gsily in the van Of coming years;
They are never met, and yet they tighten,


When We walk in sorrow and in tears.
When the present only tells of anguish,


Then we know their worth. and only then;
O. the wasted heart will cease to languish,


When it thinks of joys that might have been.
Age, and suffering, and want, may sever


Every link. that bound to life, in twain;
Hope-even Hope may banish-but forever


Memory with her visions will remain.
Year: 1871

4 farmer who went to Texas to buy
a farm was greatly prejudiced against
the country lie thought tie settle in,
from the fact that doctor whom he
called to attend him, when he was
seized with a f yer. began trying on
his clothes immediately after writing
a prescription. The fact that, while
the doctor WAS trying on his coat,
the chambermaid was examining his
handkerchiefs and the porter was
struggling with his boots, lent wings
to his imagination, and doubtless
had an influence in regard to his
speedy ext from the State.
Year: 1871

Mutual FoRBEARANcE.-H we wish 10
succeed in life we must learn to take
men as they are, and not as they ought
to be making them better five can,
but at the same time remembering their
infirmities. We have TO deal, not with
the ideal man of dreaming poets, but
with the real men of everyday life,
men precisely like ourselves. This fact
of common aims, ambitions and in6rmi.'
ties ought to create constant sympathy
and forbearance. While every man has
his own burden to bear, he may at the
same time in some way help another TO
bear his peculiar burden, and be HIM
self helped in turn. God has myste-
riously linked all men together by this
curious fact of mutual dependence, and
this wonderful possibility Of mutual
halp.
Year: 1871

The PIGEON MAILs.-The London
Times gives an interesting account ofthe
ingenious device by which the matter
of two whole pages of that journal was
transmitted from London to Paris. The
pages of that paper which contained
communications to relatives were photo
graphed on thin and almost transparent
paper, about one inch and a half long
and one inch wide. BY the naked eye,
there could be seen on these impress
sions only two legible words, The
Times" and six narrow brown bands,
representing the six columns of printed
matter. forming page of the journal.
Under the microscope, however, the
brown spaces became legible, and every
line of the newspaper was found to have
been distinctly copied, and with the
greatest clearness. These minute pho
tographic copies were sent to Bordeaux
for transmission by carrier pigeon to
Paris. When the messages arrived in
Paris they were, by aid of a magic Ian
tern, magnifed to a large size and
thrown upon a screen. A staff of clerks
then Immediately transcribed the mes
sages, which were sent to their ad-
dresses. The Times suggests that the
success of this experiment gives rise to
hope that the new art of COMPRISING
printed matter may be made useful for
the ordinary purposes of literary men.
Thus if a page of the Times can be COM
pressed into the space of an ordinary
postage stamp, an octave volume might
be made to cover a page of the Times,
and library could be reduced to the
size of a PRAYER book. In this way,
persons with the aid of microscope,
could with ease consult matter which
is now extended over many folio vol
umes.


SAD PICTURES OF New York LIFE
Two very sad pictures of city life are
made known this morning. The first is
that of Cuban woman who, losing all
her money through unfortunate specu-
latlons and treacherous friends, found
herself and children on the brink of
starvation, and then, utterly despairing
of relief from her troubles, attempted
to commit suicide, and was only pre-
vented by the opportune arrival OF some
of the occupants of the house. The
second is that of an old hag dying from
want and cold in a filthy room in Null
berry street tenement house. She had
lived entirely by begging, and never
had been known to purchase anything
| for her sustenance, and yet she was
| found to be possessed of over $500. OPP
posite as these two cases are in some re-
spects, in others they are analogous, and
only 90 to show how much misery and
suffering and want there are in the me-
tropolis. The tenement houses could
tell sad story were their secrets to be
given to the public, and if there were
an Asmodeus to lift the roof of the
houses in the city as of old he did for
Don Cleofas in Madrid, history of
privation and desti'ution would be
spread out in which the incidents are
dark and sorroWfuL York Express.
Year: 1871

AS for children, it is admitted that
they are barbarians. There is no excep-
ton among them to this condition of
barbarism. This is not to say that they
are not attractive; for they have the vir-
tues as well as the vices of primitive
people.


1t is held by some naturalists that the
child is only a zoophyte, with a stomach,
and feelers radiating from it in search
of something to fill it. 1t is true that
child is always hungry all over; but he
is also curious all over; and his curiosity
is excited about as early as his hunger.
He Immediately begins to put out his
moral feelers into the unknown and
the infinite to discover what sort of an
existence this is into which he has come.


His imagination is quite as hungry as
his stomach. And again and again it is
stronger than his other appetites. You can
which will make him forget his dinner.
He is credulous and superstitious, and
open to all wonder. In this, he is exactly
like the savage races. Both gorge them
selves on the marvellous; and all the
unknown to them is marvellous.


know the general impression is that
children must be governed through
their stomachs. l think they can be
controlled quite as well through their
curiosity; that being the more craving
and imperious of the two.


l have seen children follow about a
person who told them stories, and inter
ested them with his charming talk, as
greedily as if his pockets had been full
of 6on-bons.- Charles .JlLdLey Warner.
Year: 1871

Little Alfred's mother had taken
pains to instruct her baby-boy in some
of the simple forms of politeness and
hospitality; and, though not three
years old, he used to put his lesson in
practice.


One day dear friend of his mothers
called, and he ran at once to bring a
chair for her, inviting her to sit by the
fire. Then he brought footstool for her
feet, and asked her to let him take her
bonnet.


wish you would stay to dinner"
he hsped, and stay all day, and stay
forever"


Though it may not be necessary to
express yourself quite as strongly as
dear little Allie did, yet such a cordial
hospitality is always pleasant to the re-
ceiver when it is felt to be sincere. Chill
dren cannot learn too early to welcome
the chance guest, and do what they can
for his comfort, even at the cost of self
denial.


know little girls that can wait on a
visitor in their mothers absence with as
much propriety as young ladies; can
answer questions put to them, clearly
and directly, and always politely and
it is pleasure to be guest where chill
dren thus behave. -.....


If you are not trained as you should
be in these matters at home, it is a
great pity but still you may learn much
from well-behaved children of your ac-
quaintance. Every lovely, kindly grace
is worth cultivating, and will add much
to your happiness and usefulness when
you are older. A rude, ill-mannered
person is summed and disliked in every
circle, and unless the opposite habits
are formed in early life, they are seldom
formed at all Presbyterian
Year: 1871

IT is said that when diamonds are
used in cutting hot glass in a glass fac
tory, one will last for only one day, as
suming a milky appearance but that,
if the glass be cold, one. will last three
months. Hot glass is cut, however,
more readily than cold.