Year: 1871

was very smart child at the AGE OF
fifteen-an unusually smart child, /
thought at the time. 1t was then that !
did my first newspaper scribbling, and
most unexpectedly to me it stirred up
fine sensation in the community. 1t did
indeed, and ! was very proud OF it too.


was a printers ''devil,n and pro-
gressive and aspiring one. Ny uncle had
me on his paper (the '.Weekly Hannibal
journal, , two dollars year in advance
300 subscribers, snd they paid in cord
wood, cabbages, and unmarketable tur-
nips,) and on a lucky summers day he
left town to be gone week, and asked
me if thought could edit one issue Of
the paper judiciously. All, didn't want
to try! Hinton was the editor of the rival
paper. He had lately been Tilted, and
one night friend found an open note on
the poor fellows bed, in which he stated
that he could no longer endure life and
had drowned himself in Bear Creek. The
friend ran down there and discovered
Hinton wading back to shore! He had
concluded he wouldn't. The village was
full OF it for several days, but Hinton did
not suspect it. thought this fine oppor-
tunity. wrote an elaborately wretched
account OF the whole matter and then IL





on the bottom of wooden type with jack
knife-one of them picture of Hinton
wading out into the creek in his shirt,
with a lantern, sounding the depth Of
the water with walking-s stick. Thought
it was desperately funny, and was dense
ly unconscious that there was any moral
obliquity about such publication. Being
satisfied with this effort, looked around
for other worlds to conquer, and it strnck
me that it would make good, interesting
matter to charge the editor of neighbor-
ing country paper with piece of gratui-
tous rascality and "see him squirm ~ /
did it, putting the article into the form of
a parody on the Burial of "Sir John
Moore"-and pretty crude parody it
was, too. Then lampooned two promi-
nent citizens outrageously-not because
they had done anything to deserve it, but
merely because l thought it was my duty
to make the paper lively. Next gently
touched up the newest stranger-the lion
Of the day, the gorgeous jourHeyman
tailor from Quincy. He was simpering
coxcomb of the first water and the cloud
est dressed man in the State He was
an inveterate woman-killer. Every week
he wrote lushy poetry" for the Journal
about his newest conquest. His rhymes
for my week were headed '.To Mary in
H." meaning to Mary in Hannibal, of
course. But while setting up the piece /
was suddenly riven from head to heel by
what l regarded as perfect thunderbolt
OF humor, and l compressed it into a
snappy toot-note at the bottom-thus 1--WE
will let this thing pass, just this once;
bu. we wish Mr.. j. Gordon Runnels to
understand distinctly that we have char
alter to sustain, and from this time forth
when he wants to commune with his
friends in hi he must select some other
medium than the columns of this Journal"


The pSper came out, and l never knew
any little thing attract so mnch attention
as those playful trifies of mine. For once
the Hannibal journal" was in demand
a novelty it had not experienced before.
The whole town was stirred. Hinton
dropped in with -barrelled shot
gun early in the forenoon. When he
found that it was an infant Gas he called
me) that had done him the damage, he
simply pulled my ears and went away;
but he threw up his situation that night
and left town for good The tailor
came with his goose and a pair of shears
but he despised me, too, and departed for
the South that night. The two lampooned
citizens came with threats of libel, and
went away incensed at my insignifcance.
The country editor pranced in with war
hoop next day, suffering for blood to
drink; but he ended by torgiving me
cordially and inviting me down to the
drug store to wash away all animosity in
friendly bumper of ''Fahnestock's Ver-
mifuge." 1t was his little joke.


My uncle was very angry when he got
back, unreasonably so, thought, consid-
ering what an impetus had given the
paper, and considering also that gratitude
for his preservation ought to have been
uppermost in his mind, inasmuch as by
his delay he had so wonderfully escaped
dissection, tomahawking, libel, and get
ting his head shot off. But he softened
when he looked at the accounts and saw
that had actually booked the unparalleled,
number of thirty-three new subscribers,
and had the vegetables to show for it,
cord-wood, cabbage, beans, and unsalable
turnips enough to run the family for two
years.