Year: 1873

when you was in a hurry? First you get
all the things you want to take with you
and deposit them on the sitting room
sofa. This requires running from the
attic to the cellar kitchen and back from five
or ten times. Perhaps you were of sys-
tematic turn Of mind, and had covered
sheet or two of paper with a list Of the
things you intend to carry with you. You
get this list out and check the things you
have already found and then look for the
rest OF the articles; you know just where
to find then, you go there, and they aint
there, you empty the top bureau drawer
upon the floor and as the sought for arti-
cles are still minus you do likewise with
the second; the third and fourth follow
suit, and then, luck being still against
you, you commence on the closet; you
pull down every thing there and fling the
things promiscuously in heap in the
middle of the floor Then you 60 down
stairs and ask where your collars and
neckties are. Your wife smilingly in
forms you that she has brought them
down stairs to save you the time. Saving
time with vengeance! After little in
ward rejoicing Q) at her forethought you
get out the valise. It's an old fashioned
concern made Of enamelled cloth, origi-
nally of shiny black color, but now varie-


gated with chalk marks, express labels


and white spots where the paint is knock


ed Oft. 1t has mouth like shark and


the key is fastened with a shoe-string to


only one handle the other handle having


been wrenched off in early infancy. You


tell the companion of your joys and sor-


rows to begin by packing these things,


while you hunt up the rest. You now find


ont that you want something which was


in one OF the drawers you have emptied.


There it must be in the midst of that het-
erogenious mass of boots and boxes,
shoes and shaving soap, hats and hair oil,
coats and confectionery. hair, tooth, nail
clothes and shoe brushes, and "other
things too numerous to MENTION" you be-
gin to sling the breakable articles any
where, where they will smash. and then
seeing that you are getting destructive
you lay the cloth articles and such things
very carefully on the bed, where you also
fling all the old boots, blacking brushes.
ink-bottles and other articles which can
possibly deface the bed-spread. At last
you find the long sought for article and


go down stairs happy; you find your as


sistant busy packing the valise, said pack


ing consists of throwing all the small arti-


cles into the bottom, such as the hair oil


bottle, boot,iack and brandy flask, then


the linen articles, and on top you will find


your best coat rolled up in wad, and


your packer is in the picturesque position


of persuading that coat to get into the


valise.


She is sitting on stool in the midst of


Il litter of stuff, comprising within its list
nearly every article ever invented for
mans wearing apparel or personal adorn-
ment. Her right hand clasps the unbrok-
en- handle; her left hangs on to the oppo-
site side where the other handle ought to
be; her foot encased in a Undiscovered
number six boot, is planted firmly be-
tween her hands, and rests upon that
broadcloth coat; she pulls with her hands
and pushes with her foot till her face
strongly exhibits symptoms of strangling,
and you begin to wonder whether the
valise or q blood-vessel will be the first to
burst. You are happily disappointed how
ever in the strength of the valise and sur
prised at the strength of your wife, by
beholding that coat gracefully disappear
into the carpet bag. She calls upon you
to come quick and hold it tight while she
turns the key. You take hold of the iron
jaws and squeeze them together with a
pressure of two hundred pounds to the
square inch 1t don't close worth a cent.
You add another hundred pounds pres
sure, with similar result. Then you grit
your teeth and bite your lips to keep from
saying something naughty, and squeeze.
Oh such squeeze. She turns the key,
and with sigh Of relief you reiinQuish
your hold, and have the rapturous pleas
ure of seeing the lock snapped from its
fastenings with noise like the report of
Colts revolver, or the bursting Of dollar
toy steam-engine. Then you put your
hands, which are SO cramped you can't
open them. into your pockets. and And
that grating your teeth and biting your
lips are not as good antidotes as you
thought they were. Your wife says you
mustn't talk so and proceeds to wind
piece of bed cord around that valise about
twenty times, tying double knot in it at
every turn. Then you pile up the rest Of
your things to 60 in bundle when you


suddenly remember that you've left out


your slippers. You 60 up stairs again,


pitch everything that is on the floor upon


the bed, and tumble everything that is on


the bed down to the floor; but you can't


find them. Then you look into all the


bureau drawers, the washstand, the trunk


in the corner, the closet, and under every


article of furniture, but still no slippers.


You 90 down stairs and in tones OF thun'


der cry, maria Jane. have you seen any.


thing of my slippersp' "Yes. you TOOL


What have you got on your ieet'" And


the way that woman laughs is enough to


drive any man into ''emotional insanity


in less than two seconds. You thought-
fully take off your slippers, add them to
the miniature mountain of personal ef-
fects, and then you ask for some paper to
do them up into bundle. Maria hunts
around for twenty minutes. and at last re-


urns with a New York Herald and q
Danbury News.


You begin to do up the bundle but find
hey are both a tritie weak-in fact the
stories in them are ''too thin" for such .
purpose. The bundle is too sensible to be
taken in" by any such stuff. You ask
jor some brown paper and your partner
says she has used it all for patterns for her
new dress. You start for the nearest
store to buy some. The store-keeper says
he is all out just now, bat he win have
some next Monday. You get what you
want at the fourth store You enter: when


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