Year: 1875

y They don't sell whiskey in Gree
ey. Colorado, bst have medicine for
rattlesnake bites, which is as good and
has ready sale.


MARRYING THE WRoNa ONE.-Haskell
has been visiting pretty girl up town
who is very wealthy; and with an eye
to business, thought he could marry her
and handle the funds when the old man
died; SO he worked hard to line his nest
with feathery greenbacks. The girl told
him frankly she did not love him, but
''faint heart never won fair lady" and
he persevered. Again the young lady
told him Ter father would object to a
marriage with him; then he boldly pro-
posed an elopement. and there seemed
to be SO much romance in This PROPOSE
ton. that the girl at last yielded to his
opportunities, and agreed to run OIL
with him and get married.


Now, this pretty girl, plump as
dove, had penniless aunt, as ugly as
an owl and scrawny as fence rail, who
was very anxious to ,narry--an unusual
thing for a maiden aunt of thirty-five.


The night at last arrived for the
elopement, and everything was propi-
tious, dark and rainy. 1t was just such
night as was needed fer safe escape.
The clandestine carriage drove up, Has
kell hurried his blushing fair into it and
rapidly they sped away to jersey to be
made one. Haskell was in ecstacies: his
golden dream of wealth was to be real
lied; he could see it all in his imagin-
alton - first the displeasure of his
father in. law, then the reconciliation,
and then he'd be received into the
bosom of the family, and wouldn't do
anything but live off the old man and
have gay time.


They drove up to the little parso-
nagein Jersey City, and stood up by the
light of Pickering candle, with the
minister and requisite witnesses, and
were made one. Then Haskell, in his
delirious joy, turned and raised the bri-
dal veil to kiss his fair. young bride
when, Oh. horror he found that he was
married to the penniless maiden aunt.
The roguish girl had played it fine on
him; and, knowing his mercenary mo-
tive, Lad substituted the aunt in her
placs-and to add to his misery, cards
are now out for the young lady's mar
riage with a well-known young man up
town.


The whole family stood at the window
that night watching Haskell steal the
maiden aunt away and the old gentle-
man, her brother in Jaw, says he'll set
'em up for housekeeping in plot up
town, and then they must scratch for
themselves.


F "Here Warren fell, said the jan
itor at Bunker Hill to young man
from Andover. "Poor man," said the
divinity student, Il hope he was pre-
pared. Did he fall from the middle or
top window of the monument"


~ The largest field of pine-apples in
the world is probably one in the eastern
district of Nsw Providence, in the Bahia
mas. From one spot can be seen at a
single glance, 1900 600 pine-apples
gowing.


~ Take life easy. and don't always
be trying to bsat the sun up, says an
exchange. You may win for while,
but in the long run you are sure to be
beaten, and some morning it will rise
when you don't.
II rustic youngster. being asked
out to take tea with friend, was ad-
monished to praise the eatables. Pres
emily tie butter was passed to him,
when he remarked. every nice butter
what there is of it," and observing q
smile, he added, "and plenty of it.
such as it is"


r The captain of one of the Detroit
ferry boats the other day found negro
aboard who hadn't the nickle to pay his
fare, and he shouted to him:


Didn't tell you before we started
that ycu coaldn't cross if you hadn't
any money p


IL guess it was you" replied the
darkey; "but dere was SO many men
around de dock splitting frew deir front
teeth and hollarin' at de deck-hands.
dat couldn't make out whether you
belonged on de boat or not
y An amusing story is told Of Geo.
Childs Of Philadelphia. who takes great
pride in showing his establishment to
visitors. He had passed through sew
eral of the departments, and as he ap-
preached the stereotype rooms, re.
marked that this room was always kept
in perfect order, when on opening the
door, there lay a drunken compositor
t3st . sleep on one of the imposing
stones, who did not appear to be in PEI
feet order. The disgust of Mr.. Childs
can be better imagined the described.


T A Covington man died and they
put him ON ice, but he awoke in the