Year: 1871

HcNcI lClt u ucpOt yet uut soiuCoOuJ
was placed under my care. don't know
my countenance if knew what would
have it extracted. don't like having un-
protected females and school boys and
girls turned over to me. It's little hard
on a man and what is the good of it?
Nobody needs protection; and if any one
does, it is benevolent, good looking, in
nocent sort OF man--such as the writer
of this


| was reminded of this by an adventure
that happened to me the other night in
New York. | was about leaving on the
nine O'Clock train for Washington when a
man who was in search of me approached.
l knew he was in search of me. He was
in search of some respectable, benevolent
individual, to put woman under his care.
And he did. She happened to be rather
good looking, and didn't object in vio-
lent way, but l was neither very graceful
nor gracious over the compliment When
l came to secure section in the sleeping
car, found that delegation of pious
people were going to Washington on
some charitable business, and had taken
nearly all the berths. | secured two, at
least thought had, and marched my fe-
male with her two carpet-sacks, strap and
|
la, with a waterproof and two shawls done
up in straps, into No. 1G1. When we ar
rived inside learned for the first time that
my unprotected female could not abide
the sleeping cars. She said she felt like
sutfocating, and l wished secretly she
would suffocate (; but'when we came to oc-
cupy our berths l made two disagreeable
discoveries. The first was that two tickets
called for the same berth; the other that
this berth was the upper one, NV female
| friend said positively that she could not
get into that berth informed her that it
was her only chance to sleep, and she told
me that she would rather sit up. then
gave her the further information that that
was all very well, but in sleeping car
there was no place to sit except on wash
basin, and that thought would be rather
inconvenient. AT last, with the aid of
step ladder the steward, and two pious
old pomps, my unprotected female was
boosted into her root, and the curtains
closed over her for the night


Then came the question as to what
should become the undersigned. / con-
suited the conductor and the steward, and
had the satisfaction of hearing the fact
that if | had told them earlier that the
hlunder might have been remedicd But
as it was, the pious delegation had retired
for the night, and all the berths were oc-
cupied. The conductor, however, told
me that he would try and make some ar
| rangement, and then went off about his
| business.


A drunken man had beeu captured on
the platform as we started, where he was
found addressing the stars in vociferous
way, the sleeping car ticket fished out of
his pocket, and the inebriate fellow
chucked into an upder berth. was lean
ing against the wash stand of the car in a
very melancholy way some time after,
when this intoxicated fellow stuck his head
out and, addressing me, said:


81 would like to have a drink"


"Water?" said.


mo, darn water l want some whiskey;
l am as dry as chip"


well, responded, II am sorry to
say that l have none about me-


"Ain't you the conductor P"


mo" responded, II don't believe /
am"


Nor do |. If you were the conductor,
you would have something to drink
| Where is the conductor?"


| told him that he was in the next car.
"Well," he said, Il have great mind
to get up AMI hustle round till get a
drink"


my Christian friend, | said, "there is
nothing in the constitution nor in the six
teenth amendment that prohibits you
from getting up and hunting for drink if
you want it."


Whereupon the inebriated individual
rolled out of the berth He rolled into
several others and was promptly elected,
and at last, getting his legs, disappeared
at the further end of the car.


took in the situation at glance. Here
was Il berth vacated Above it was a
white hat. | Immediately removed that
white hat. carried it further along and
put it over Christian Association who
was lost in the sleep of innocence and
peace, and then returning | ensconced my
self in the berth vacated by the man who
had constitutional right to drink. | was
dropping into a slumber for | always
sleep on car devoted to that business and
invented by Mr.. Pullman; the motion has
the same effect upon my brain that rocking
has upon child, and | not only slept
easily but profoundly. In few seconds
| should have been beyond all disturbance
but it happened | was awakened out of my
first wink by row in an adjoining section.
! There seemed to be pitched battle going
on between one of the delegates and
gentleman who claimed the berth to be
the one he had just vacated. l heard him
say, ''Now get out of that; y and he called
the good man the offspring of a female
dog, adding thereto some very profound
language. The conductor came to the
rescue of the weary delegate. and when
the man called attention to the fact of the
white hat he puzzled him sorely by show
ing him two or three white hats further
along in the car At this the inebriated
passenger desisted, but as soon as the
conductors back was turned renewed the
fight with the next white hat, insisting
just as positively that that was his berth.
and with the same profound and violent
language and scufile. He was repulsed
only to begin again, and so kept fighting
these good Christian gentlemen who were
, SO unfortunate as to have white hats, un-
/ til fell asleep and dreamed till morning
of my earlier youth-of the church not
| \ 1. h,t ~ ..1A.