Year: 1871

dental school. The fact is, / and Emer
son found it. We were considering one
day, in a circle of transcendental in.
quirers, this important question: What
is the use of the concavity of the hu,
man hatY 1t was suggested by some
one that it was TO cover the convexity oI
the human head. l objected to thii
theory as not philosophically complete
because it applied only when the hat was
on, and did not solve the case when the
hat was off. Mr.. Emerson then re
marked that when the hat was off the use
Of its concavity must be to contain the
thing next in value to the human brain,
and he thought that must be money.
then observed that if that were true, the
only way in which money could be goi
into the concavity of the hat must be by
passing it around in the viciLity Of
pockets, or other receptacles in which
money might happen to be contained.
This was assented TO by all the philoso-
pliers present. and the great discovery
was theoretically established.


To make II certain, however, by &C.
tual experiment, thus adding the proof
a posteriori to the demonstration q
prtori, Mr.. Emerson passed his hat to
me. | dropped into It copper coin,
commonly called one cent Mr.. Emer-
son carefully extracted it from his hat,
and inserted it in his waistcoat pocket.
The great discovery was complete, and
the philosophers in attendance congrat-
ulated Mr.. Emerson and myself upon a
new and immortal contribution to the
treasury of science.


t"My young friend" continued the
sage, i have great hopes of you as
transcendentalist. You appear to have
all the inward yearnings and graspings
after the infinite, and communings with
the over soul, that go to make up the
character of great thinker. Indeed, /
have observed you when you looked SO
much like calf studying the physiog-
nomy of the man in the moon, that / do
not doubt your capacity for brooding
over the problems of the universe. But
one thing you must get rid of, and that
is your unfortunate habit of calling a
spade, spade. Nothing can be more
unphilosophical. If you were to tell an
audience that passing the hat was a
great scientific discovery, they would all
call you fool But if you called it


circulating the adventitious occipital
integument with a view to pecuniary
contributions, a great many of the same
people would take you for a great phil
osopher. If you want to get reputa-
ton as a thinker, you must be either
deep or muddy, and can tell you, my
young friend, that it is a precious sight
easier to be muddy than deep, besides
being just as effective.


And now, my boy, let me tell you
that this thing of passing the hat is one
of the prime objects of philosophy. That
particular fora Sf matter which the Ara
bian philosophers call baeksheesh, the
Hebrews shekels, the Joliet school


swag, and which the unlearned, be-
lieve, call money, is a mighty comfort
able thing to have. Therefore my lad,
philosophize, sentimentalize, transcend
entalize, and conversationalize as much
as you please; but never forget, on any
proper occasion, to pass the hat.


AS rose to go, took up my stove
pipe, and just then it occurred to me to
put this last precept of the immortal
sage into immediate practice. there
fore gracefully and deferentially held out
my (" occipital garment" in the direction
of Mr., Alcott. The sage slowly and
majestically extended his hand, and just
as expected to see him deposit quar-
ter or so in its concavity,h he blandly
smiled, took the hat, and said, Thank
you, my dear boy, was jnst needing
one" observed at the same time
slight closing of the eyelids of his left
eye. l went home as bareheaded as
Socrates, deeply meditating upon the
wonderful and sometimes unexpected
developments of the transcendental
philosophy. asua...