smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

1 hav finally cum to the conclu-
sion that lager beer, as a beverage
is not Intoxicating.


1 have been told by a German
who said he had drunk il all mite
long, just to try the experiment,
and was obliged to go home entire
ly sober in the morning. I have
seen this same man drink eighteen
glasses, and if he was drunk he was
drunk in German and nobody could
understand it. 1t is proper enuff
to state that this man kept a lager
beer saloon, and could have no OBJ
ject in stating what was not strictly
thus.


I believe him to the full extent of
my ability. 1 never drank but
three glasses of lager in my life.
and that made my he'd ontwist as
tho it was hung on the end of a
string. but was told that it was
OWN to my bile bein out oy place,
and guess that it was so, for I
never billed over wus than I did
when I got hum that mite. Ny wife
thot [ was goin to die, and I was
afraid that l shouldn't, for it seem
ed as tho every thing 1 had ever
eaten in my life was cummun to the
surface; and 1 believe that if my
wife hadn't pulled off my boots just
as she did, they would have cum
thunderin up too.


Oh, how sick I wuz! IA years
ago and can taste it now.


I never had so much experience
in so short a time.


If any man shud tell me that
lager beer wuz not Intoxicating.
shud believe him; but if he shud
tell me that I wnzn't drunk that
night but my stummick was out of
order, I shud ask him to state over
a few words, jest how a man felt
and acted when he was set up.


If Iwarn't drunk that mite, had
sum ov the most natural symptums
that a man ever had and kept sober.


In the first place it was about so
rods from where I drank the lager
beer to mi house, and 1 wuz jest
two hours on the road, and had a
hole busted thro each one of my
pantaloon neez, and didn't hay any
hat, and tried to open the door by
the bell-pull and hiecupped awfully
and saw everything in the room
tryin to get round on the back side
ov me, and in settin down on a
chair, 1 did not wait long enuff for
it to git exactly under me when 1t
wuz goin round, and l set down
little too soon and missed the chair
about u inches, aud couldn't get up
soon enuff to take the next one that
come along; and that amt awl; my
wife sed I wuz drunk as a beest,
and as I sed before, begun to spin
up things freely.


If lager beer is not Intoxicating
it used me most almighty mean,
that I know.


Still, I hardly think that lager
beer is Intoxicating. for I hav been
told so; and l am probably the
only man livin who ever drank emmy
when his liver was not plumb.


I don't want to say ehnytbing
against harmless temperance bev-
erage, but if ever I drink emmy
more, it viii be with my hands tied
behind me, and my mouth priced
open.


I don't think lager beer is intoxi-
eating, but if I remember rite, /
think it tasted to me like a glass Of
soap suds that a pickle had been
put tew soak in.
Year: 1876

A great discovery has recently
been made by a surgeon in the
British army in China, in the way
of an effectual remedy for small pox.
The mode Of treatment is as FOL
lows: "When the preceding fever
is at its height, and just before the
eruption appears, the chest to be
rubbed with eroton oil and tartarie
ointment. This causes the whole
of the eruption, to appear on that
part Of the body, to the relief OF the
rest. 1t also secures a full and
complete eruption and thus pre-
vents the disease from attacking she
internal organs. This is now the
established mode OF treatment in
the English army in China, and Is
regarded as a perfect cure.
Year: 1876

The pencil marks yen see around this
paragraph lthns) mean that your sub
scription is out or unpaid, and that you
are requested 10 pay up at once. We
would take great pleasure In extending
credit 70 our friends and patrons. bat
cash alone viii yay our expenses, ard
We are. forced to adhere to a strict cash
rule We hope yon win comprehend
and appreciate the necessity Of such
course, and renew your subscription
without delay. We solicit your favor.


~ We enter no new names on our
books without the money in advance.
Year: 1876

The most unobservant reader of
the Tennessee newspapers cannot
have failed to have seen that the
most important issue of the coming
State canvass will be that Of the
Public Debt of the State. It can
not be set aside or ignored Can
didates for office will have to come
up to the mark and indicate precise
ly where they stand upon the ques-
tion. No blinking will be allowed,
and no sitting on the fence So as to
fall to advantage. We have no hes
itation IN placing this journal in
line upon the question. since it has
uniformly supported the policy Of
acting as honestly in our public as
we should in our private obliga-
tions.-G Gallatia Eraminsr.
Year: 1876




Agents, Beware.


From the National Republican,


The lady called her husband to
see the new invention, and the agent
explained its workings to him.
As the husbands eye fell upon the
agent a wicked thought flashed
through his brain, and he deter
mined to be revenged.


eThis is a new invention" began
the agent, Ito enable the ladies to
draw back their skirts much tighter
than at present and at the same
time allow them to sit down. 1t is
called the high-fangled, drawback
and squeeze together, new nsOdus
opeyandi. Ladies say 1 am a labor
saving benefactor, that I am an ev-
erlasting@,"


"Wait!' shouted the husband;
''please explain its workings again -


The agent did so.


'Wby, that would make a good
hay-hoister."


"Yes," answered the agent; "but
it is more particularly designed for
ladies"


The husband sent for his daugh-
ter to examine the invention.


"This is a new, unparalled, up
right longitudinal, square-shaped,
perpendicular, two degrees south by
four west, extra strong, sling to-
gether and squash-up, pull-back
dress invention, which I am selling
for only one dollar. Ladies call me
a--


"Hold onr' shouted the husband
and father, "until 1 call my other
daughter" and he waltzed out Of
the room and returned with the
hired girl and the chambermaid.


"You see, ladies'" began the
agent, ''this is a flop over and stand
you-up, magical, tragical, two
strings to the right and one in the
center invention for pulling back
your skirts" and he went on for
half an hour, during which time the.
husband slipped over to the next
house and induced the imates to
come over and hear the agent talk
He returned with six women and
children just as the agent was wind
ing up for the fourth time. Escort
ing one person into the room at a
time he had the agent tell each one
about the invention" He station
ed small boy out in the hall with
lead pencil, who was instructed to
make mark on the wall every time
the agent repeated his story. The
stock he had brought in was ex-
hausted about noon, when he sent
a messenger around the ward to
send in the neighbors, and kept it
up without intermission till near
midnight


As the sun disappeared behind
the western horizon the agent began
to show signs of fatigue, but the
husband was as fresh as ever
Eleven minutes TO twelve O'Clock,
the agent, who had Just completed
his yarn, for the two hundred and
sixteenth time, looked up and gasp
ed. A glass of water was thrown
in his face, and the husband told
the boy to run in half a dozen more
persons. Tor he thought he could
finish the agent now in about an
hour and a half The boy left to
rouse up the neighborhood, to fnd
half a dozen who had not yet
heard the story of the invention
When he was absent frequent stimu-
lants had to be given the agent to
prevent him from fainting. Short
y the boy returned saying that no
more neighbors could be found, as
they had all gone on an excursion.
The husband, on hearing this, was
in dispair, but he had the agent re
Year: 1876

The 'reform" candidate for sheriff
tried to run the NORTHERN TRIBUNE by
threatening to kick the editor all over
town, should anything appear in its col
umns derogatory to his Official character.
His efforts to suppress the TRiBCNE was
an ignominious failure, the paper came
out. and with it the expose of the sher-
ifs official oincompetency and neglect OF
duty. Mr.. Sheriff Paquette attempted to
''run" the village Of Cheboygan few
months ago, and succeeded much better
than he did in attempting to control a
newspaper. In this matter he succeeded
in compelling the village to ,expend
about $1,000 i'm building lookup. And
this because he could not control the
,coupoil in the appointment. of marshal.
The village council sawsfit to appoint a
village marshal without consulting the
important sheriff of Cheboygan county,
and the result was, that the county Jail
was virtually closed against village pris


4
Year: 1876

elected two years ago. as representative
Of that large class CT our citizens. lie is
a farmer to day, and no man ought to
vote against him on any such ground as
is presented by this lying circular. Gen.
Ely should receive large vote in this


county. During all the time that this
county has been an applicant for aid from
the Board of Control, Gen. Ely has al
avays been our fra friend, and at all
times used hissmfluence in favor OF our
interests. Treasurer McCreery and Sec
retary of State Holden, have also. They
should all receive full vote here. We
should vote for those who have already
shown themselves to be our friends, rather
than those who promise to be. We should
show that we appreciate the efforts that
these men have made in our behalf, by
giving them large vote. Mr.. Holloway,
the Democratic candidate for Auditor len
eral, is man who has not the requisite


requirements for the place. the only way


he can secure even his party vote, is by


appealing to the prejudices of the people.
TO employ such means is ia disgrace to
any party.
Year: 1876

According to Democratic logic Mr..
Metivier has Leld the office of Register
of Deeds a number of years.. and there
fore there ought to be a change. This
argument is as good for Peter as it is for
Paul. Mr.. Waterman, the Republican
nominee for the position. is very capa-
BILE man, one eminently fit for the posi-
ton, and his friends, knowing this, placed
him in nomination without his solicita-
ton, or even his knowledge. Mr.. Water
man felt as though such an expression of
confidence was highly fiattering, and
that he was in duty bound to accept the
nomination.. He therefore took hold of
the matter with his usual "vim."o He
will make a splendid run, and should be
elected. It's not those who diligently
seek office who are the best qualified to
fill them. 1t is not always that the best
qualified men can be induced to take Of
flee. but they are the kind who should
be elected. If little more care was ta-
ken in our nominating conventions there
would not be so much need Of reform.
Year: 1876

Every vote in this county shoull be
cast for Charles e. Ellsworth for Congress,
He has made us visit of several days.
duration, during which time he has taken
occasion to slook into the necessities of
this portion Of ,his district. We know
that he appreciates the Importance of
Cheboygan, and when matters pertaining
to orr Interests come up for legislation,
he will know the needs of the place and
will act accordingly. AS we suggested
last week, the Saginaw Democratic can
didate feels very little interest in any
portion of the Congressional district out
side of the Saginaw valley. His action
in not visiting this county to make him
self acquainted with the needs of this sec
tiOn shows that our view of the matter
was correct. Throwing aside the ques-
tivn of politics, we should look to. the
interests of our growing town. If we
do not, Saginaw or Saginaw men will
not. The best way that we can subserve
the interests of this place is to vote for a
man who knows those interests and will
work for them. It is not wise to carry
party so far that in voting for ''party"
man we neglect to look after our own in
terests. A vote for Charles c. Ellsworth
for Congress is a vote to advance the
growth and prosperity of Cheboygan.
A vote for the Saginaw candidate is a
vote to let the lions share of attention
of the member of Congress and of gov
ernment aid 60 to other points which
needs it less. A vote for the Saginaw
candidate is vote for free trade which
will still further PROSTATE the lumber and
all other interests on which we depend
Then let every Democratic voter consid-
er well before he casts his vote for mem
Der of Congress. Will you vote for party
and against your own interests, or will
you vote for Charles c. Ellsworth, man
who knows the wants of this place and
will work for them? affps
Year: 1876

To the Electors of Cheboygan County


We, the undersigned, who have hereto
fore agreed upon joint political discus
sion to be held at the court house in this
village, or Saturday evening next, have. at
the earnest solicitation of friends of each,
by mutual consent concluded to with
draw from the same for the following
reason: That it will engender personal
animosity, and tend to disturb the peace
and quiet of the community. and would
poss. bly, lead to dsgraceful disturbance,
which we, as law abiding citizens, seek to
avoid. And as. without doubt, by that
time every voter will have unalterably
decided upon his political action, We cam
not conceive of any good arising ont of
the same to either party. Our action in
this matter is taken out of mutual respect
and good feeling toward each other, and
out Of consideration for the best interests
of the political parties we represent.
Hoping, that the above explanation will
be satisfactory to onr friends, and that
our action in this matter will not be mis-
we remain your Obedient SER
wants, Us saov
Eog9NAI WAITS s. HUMPHREY.


JAMES j. BROWN.
Year: 1876

WOLCOTTS WITHDRAWAL ACCOMPLISHES THE OBJECT
DESIRED-THE NEW NOMiNATION UNAUTHORIZED.


tBY TELEGRAPH TIE THBUNEl


INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. Oct GA few of the leaders
of the Greenback movement in Indiana are in
great rage over the action of their candidate for
Governor in stepping out of the canvass. Before
Mr. Wolcott's letter was made public its existence
was suspected, and a council summoned last
evening to put up candidate There were only six
persons present, and only one of them member of
the State Central Committee of the organization ;
but these six selected candidate, Judge Har-
rington. This morning the Chairman of the Central
Committee IL. Olleman) is out in a card denouncing
this performance as entirely without authority and
void Persistent effort will be made, with the aid Of
Democratic money to foist Judge Harrington upon
the party IN order to keep it from going to pieces
The attempt may be partially successful, but the
bulk of the Greenback vote held together thus far
by the hardest work, will in the whirlpool of party
strife surging over the State now dissolve and seek
its old party affnties. The best evidence that the
independent movement had got into shape where
it was playing into the hands Of the Democrats is
furnished by the violent denuncatiOns of Mr.. VOL
eott which the Democratic managers INDUCED III
today at Indianapolis.
Year: 1876

I'D District in 1874 Mr. Deuson the Independent
Republican candidate; this year he was the regular
nominee In 1874 the regular Republican Congressional
ticket received a majority of only 5O52 In the State:
Year: 1876

The Centennial correspondent has pre-.
sented himself in many guises. Usually he
has "some leisure this summer, and will visit
Philadelphia during the exhibition He is
always very considerate man, and will pick up
and send the news,-for trifing considera-
tion in return-and his benevolence embraces
large circle of newspapers. But here his
identity9ends.t Hesmay:be mau, fresh from
college, anxious to ink his maiden pen, he
may be a solicitor Of patents desiring to swap
correspondence for advertising, or he may be
retired Journalist, willing to write out of
love OF the work and its consequent pay.
But the C. C. has of late made his appearance
in an alarming shape which seems to require
that he should be Immediately put down. In
his last letter he says: "My sketches will be
OF light, cheerful and entertaining character
rather than severely labored or heavily laden
with instructive information.o .sStill, he
adds, though generally of pleasant or ia
cetious tendency the information given, when
not manifestly of humorous or satirical design,
will be thoroughly reliable aud of practical
utility" There is something dreadful about
this. A combination of the centennial cor
respondent and American humorist is calcu-
lated to strike the average reader withhorror.
and we hasten to assure our subscribers
that the terms, "moderate," will not be ac-
cepted. Think Of letting loose man Of a
facetious tendency among the machinery at
Philadelphia. Imagine him making fun of
steam engine or looking, with a satirical
design, through "a microscope. Picture him
inspecting the display of American and for
eign manufactures, and possessed all the
time with strong determination to write a
letter about them which shall not be sIaden
with Instructive information" but which
shall be all the same thoroughly reliable and
of practical utility" If this announcement
Of purpose is intended as an example of the
writer's satirical powers we can safely proph-
esy bright future for him; but he seems to
be in earnest.


The letter contains one idea, distinction
between the meaning of two words, which is
worthy of attention. Though the sketches
are of facetious tendency, he says, the in
formation, when not of humorous design,
will be thoroughly reliable. The difference
here established between humor and face
tiousnesss is certainly striking. But it does
not strike us that an Intentionally comic
account of the centennial exhibition is desir-
ahla
Year: 1876

The Shoe and Leather Reporter says that


though the great obstacle to specie payments


is confessedly the superabundant greenback,


yet every proposition to fund It meets with


great deal of practical hostility. ,''The Wes-


tern folks, in particular, laud the Treasury


note as the best currency in the world, and


resist the substitution of any other with great


pertinacity. The National Banks deprecate


the retirement of the greenbacks, because


their issues are redeemable Herewith. These


two forces eXerting themselves in the same
direction, though not in concert, will pretty


certainly make any funding scheme impossi-


BILE for a considerable time to come" 1t
goes on to say: "Three things are growing


more apparent to us every day, viz: 1st.
That there cannot be any genuine and per-
manent restoration Of national thrift until we
get upon specie basis. I'd. That we have
already reached point in the process of gem
eral liquidation which renders a vigorous
effort in that direction opportune and hope
ful of success; and Sd. That the sooner we
begin the march toward that goal of safety
the better. Irresolution is wasting our
strength and consuming our substance.
Courage to encounter and energy to sur
mount the difficulties that lie before us are
the supreme needs of the hour. To retreat
is impossible, to stand still Is destructive. To
press forward is the only alternative left u.s."
Year: 1876

MIR. HOPKINS of Pennsylvania, chairman
of the special committee on the Centennial,
has introduced bill which is now before the
House committee on manufactures, directing
the President to appoint six mechanics,
skilled in different branches of industry, from
each congressional district, whose duty it
snail be to attend the exhibition at Philadel-
phia, carefully study the arts, industries and
products there shown, and make full reports
IN writing of all that in their judgment is
Important and useful to the practical and
scientific industries of the country. The
mechanics are to be appointed on the nomi-
nation OF the members OF Congress from
the respective districts, after a competitive
examination, and are to be paid such COM
pensation as the Secretary of the Treasury
shall deem fair.
Year: 1876

erstitious conciences had never become
|ouite reconciled to the stigma of rebel
though reason and judgement both of
hem that, borne for the cause for which
hey bore it, it was title of nobility.
The words of the little woman had gone
Straight to each heart, be its handspring
what it might. Gradually the dropping
heads we're raised and the eyes grew
bright with manliness and resolution.
Before they left the house that night
they had sworn solemn oath to stand
by the cause they had adopted and the
land of their birth, though good or evil.
and to spurn the ofFero Of thsir tyrants
and foes as the deadliest insult.


Some of the names Of those who met
in that secret council were know after
wards among those who fought their
country's battles most nobly, who died
upon the field of honor, or rejoiced with
the pure hearts when the day of triumph
came at last The name of the little
woman figured on no heroic roll, but
was she the less heroine i?


The story is true one, and in this
centennial year, when every crumb of
information in regard to those old days
Of struggle heroism is eagerly gathered
up, it may not be without interest.
Year: 1876

had traded the next chance to Billy
Fisher for kite in good repair and
when he played out, Johnny Miller
bought in for dead rat and a string to
swing it with. and so on, and 50 on,
hour after hour. And when the middle
of the afternoon came. from being poor
poverty.stricken boy ln the morning,
Tom was literally rolling in wealth. He
had. besides the things have mention
ed, twelve marbles, part of a jewsharp,
a piece of blue bottle glass to look thrO',
a spool-cannon. key that wouldn't un-
lock anything. fragment Of chalk a
glass stopper of a decanter, tin soldier,
couple of tadpOles. six 6re-crackers,
kitten with only one eye, a brass door
knob, dog eollar-but no dog--the
handle of knife, four pieces of orange
peel and dilapidated old window sash.
He had had a nice, good. idle time all
the while-plenty of company-and the
fence had three coats of whitewash If
he hadn't run out of whitewash, he
would have bankrupted every boy in the
village.


: Tom said to himself that it was not
such hollow world after all. He had
discovered great law of human action
without knowing it; namely, that in or
der to make a man or boy covet thing.
it is only necessary to make the thing
difficult to attain. If he had been great
and wise philosopher, like the writer of
this book, he would now have compre-
hended that work consists Of whatever
body is obliged to do, and that play con
sists of whatever body is not obliged
to do. And this wonld help him to un :
derstand why constructing artificial how-
cas- or performing on treadmill is work,
whilst rolling nine-pins or climbing
Mont Blanc is only amusement. There
are wealthy gentlemen in England who
drive four-horse passenger coaches 20 or
30 miles on daily line, in the summer,
because the privilege costs them consid-
cradle money but, if they were offered
wages for the service, that would turn
it into work, and then they would re-
sign.-Mark Train.
Year: 1876

His wounds are not yet healed; they
are almost fresh enough to be CHASTITY.
Scarcely three months ago be was as
we'll as any of US, and now he is so
helpless that he cannot wipe away his
own tears.


And this is America, 1.-THE land of the
free and the home of the brave :" the
land whose historic boast has been its
Southern chivalry the land where men
can think what they please, and speak
what they think; the land where more
has been said about freedom and the
rights of man than has been said in all
other nations since time began. Oh, how
the eloquence of these mute lips rebukes
and scathes us in our boasting. Our
talk of freedom is a sarcasm. These
white lips do mock at US. Freedom for
the South yet waits its natal day.


am sure / say only what these lips
would say could they speak, and only
what this brother will approve, when |
ask, not as partisan, but as a man,
Has the time come for as to elecate this
prescription into poacer? Shall we dare,
with these facts before us, to enthrone
the political principles with which these
assasins are identified =? Shall we give
to such gigantic and bloody wrongs as
these the sanction of political victory
1t becomes us to consider the question,
not as partisans but as men who love
freedom and as Christians who love God.