Year: 1875

[BY. D. r. LOCKE, PErRoLEUM V. MAS


BY.l


Mr.. John UpandowDJohn had the
misfortune to be a strictly honest
man, in which particular be stood
flamentably alone He was construc.
ted pecuiiarly-he was born into an
atmosphere OF integrity, and bis
training had added to his natural
: bent to a degree that made him as in
! capable OF an untruth, or the SEM
blRnce thereof, as the great George
Washington himself. Having this
tendency, IL was well for him that he
was born with fortune, fer his rigid
adherence to his principles untitled
him for almost every occupation. He
did try journalism, cut was dismissed
igDOminiously for saying of candi-
date OF the party with which the pa
per acted that he wss thief and s
| trickster. Then he essayed the law,
but he saw enough of law before he
had been in an Office two weeks.
while medicine lasted him scarcely a
week. So he determined to do moth
ing but live on his income and be an
honest man.


He adopted certain rules by which
he lived, and he could no more depart
from them than he could rise from
the earth and take place among the
stars. He ate exactly SO much, at
certain fixed hours and OF certain
kinds Of food. He drank so many
times a day OF certain liquors, which
ne fsncied were good for him, meas
Uring the quantity with the accuracy
and prscisioHof an spOtbecary; and
so far did he carry this rule into his
life that he put on and off his cloth
ing on certain days in certain months
without reference to weather. I saw
him shivering one bright but very
cold morning in June, and demanded
the reason.


'I laid off my woolens this morn
ing" said he.


"Wby lay off your W, oIens in win
ter weather ?'' l asked.


''The 1st day of June is my day
THEREFOR" said he. "The weather
ought to be warm to-day. 1 cannot
break my rule"


He never neglected to pay debt,
and never told lie, not even a white
one. He was cut out OF an aunt's
will, by responding to her anxious iD-
quiry as to how she looked ia a GER
tain dress which she had set heart on
with the simple word "Hideous.n
And the same devotion to truth bar
red him no mstter what path he took.


He was frightfully unpopular,
though, Notwithstanding he held a
good position among his fellows. His
childlike simplicity and sterling in
tegrity made him valuable, and be-
side every one knew that his devotion
to truth was honest, and had nothing
of bumptiOusness or malice in it.


Mr.. UpandOwnjOhn was a member
of the LeviathRn Club. l write the
word SCas sadly, for he is a Leviathan
no more. The cause and manner of
his leaving that delightful association
Of good men Is the snimus of this pa
per.


The members of the Leviathan
were pleased with the appearance of
Mr.. Upandownjohn, and made much
Of him. Had they known him bet
ter they probably would have loved
him less, for his peculiar virtue was
never popular in that Club.


He excited attention, first, by his
habit of correcting loose-talking
members when their statements were
too highly favored with romance
SIS, for instance, when one gentleman
asserted that his father owned Flora
Temple when she was a colt, using
her as q common hack, and selling
her finally for fifty dollars Mr.. Upan-
downtown quietly put him down.


81 knew your father" he said, sand
worthy, truthful man he was. He
died just three years before Flora
Temple was fOaled. The mare he-
used as hack and sold for fifty dol
lars must have been some other fam
Gus animal. Flora Temple will
some day be the death of me. Every
racing season some one narrstes the
circumstance of his father having
owned Flora Temple and worked her
as hack, and, what is more exasper-
ating, he always sold her for
just fifty dollars. Would that could
find one man whose father sold her
for sixty dollars or sixty-twO dollars
snd fifty cents. You, my dear man,
are the sixty-elghth man this season
whose father once owned Flora Tenn
pie. She was the most extensively
owned mare ever knew anything
! about"


On another occasion q gentleman
detailed with great minuteness how
| in doing the regular thing at Niagara
/ hy going under the sheet, the Wini
parted the torrent and he stepped out
upon the shelf outside, went to his
horror, the opening closed, leaving
Iim outside the falling sheet on a
narrow ledge of rock. With great
presence of mind he daTted through
the falling sheet aud rejoined the
frightened party who supposed him
| lost forever


Mr.. Upandownjohn took pencil and
paper, and worked all night and the
next day, without sleeping or eating.
The next night he exhibited to the
Zero OF this marvellous adventure
he.weight OF the water in that sheet,
and demonstrated to him the fact
that, had he got under it, he would
have been mashed, though he had
been constructed of cast steel.


"Are you sure it was Niagara 81 be
asked anxiously. "Wasp't it some
other fall ?''


One day a member died, and the
club did the usual thing by him. a
committee of three was appointed TO





bereavement of the members, and, as
i'll luck would have it, UpsndOwn-
john was put upon the committee.


They met and, as is always the
case, two of the members really had
not time to attend to it. One had an
engagement at the theatre the other
was to take his sister-or some one
else's-to the opera.


"UpandOwnjohn," said the first,
''you have nothing to do, and are
handy with the pen. There is no
earthly necessity for keeping US here.
You just write out the usual resolu-
tions and send 'em down to the
Scredmer, the S0dreT, and the Sp0ltter
in time for tomorrow morning."


"How shall treat the deceased ?''
asked Upsndownjohn.


80, in the usual way Speak of
his qualities as q man, the feelings of
the club at his GntimeIy taking off.
/ the sources Of consolation that We
have, his qualities as an actor; hurl
in something 10 alleviate the psngs
of his family speak of his general
standing; and put in g strong dose OF
general comfort, you understand, to
those who mourn, and so on. It'll be
all right. You'll attend to it now,
won't you p


"It is disagreeable duty,n replied
| UpandowDjohn, "but will do it.11


And they left him to his work.


Now Mr.. UpandOwDjObn had had
no experience in work of this kind,
and consequently he wasn't exactly
clear as to the form. So he sent for
the scrap book in which such utteran-
ces of the club had been posted from
its beginning. He was shocked. There
were q great many sets of resolutions
on deceased members (the liquors
were bad st the Leviathan,) and they