smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1875

The PAsToR's STRONG FLIP.-The
Northampton (Mass.) Gazette tslls the
following story of the first minister at
Pelham, Massachusetts,


Some of the members of his church
somehow got the idea that the minister
was using too much rum in the way iof
flip, and committee of five was chosen
to wait upon and demonstrate with him,
not against the practice, which was COM
mon, but in relation to the quantity used
by him. Mr.. A. was apprised of their
errand. and knowing that, notwithstand-
ing the object thereof, he would be ex-
pected to treat them to flip, instructed
his wife in regard to the strength of his
beverage. First time around consider
able water; second time, more rum and
less water; third time, all rum, or as
nearly SO as possible, and have it pala-
table. The result was the committe
passed jolly evening, after concluding
their business. and three of them passed
most of the night on the floor, being un-
able to run until early morning. At the
appointed time they made report to the
church to this effect: g Your committee
called on Mr.. A. and demonstrated with
him. and have to report that he gave us
Christian satisfaction We had this
story from grandson of the aforesaid
Mr. A. and it ought to be true.
Year: 1875

He ACCEPTED. George w. Gift, the
able editor of the Napa Reporter, being
nominated by the Democratic party for
County Surveyor, was called upon for a
speech, and delivered himself as follows


Gentlemen-If you expect good news
paper, such as the Reporter is, and such
rs You have no reason to be ashamed of,
you must supportit. You must not only
subscribe for it but you must get your
friends to do SO, and you must not forget
to pay your subscriptions The printer
is compelled to pay for his material, and
those who work for him, which he can
not do unless you pay him. If he can
not pay he will have to quit, and when
he quits you will get in his room some
blackguard who will sell you out and levy
blackmail to make both ends meet. And
you will be to blame for it. IF you wish
u gentleman as your newspaper rapresen-
tative, and wish to read decent paper,
you must expect to pay for it. You must
at least expect to pay for what you get.
Bricks cannot be made without straw,
neither can newspapers be published
without money. thank you for your
nomination as County Surveyor. The
Reporter is three dollars year in ad-
vance. Job work at the lowest rates.
Year: 1875

PROFESSOR FRANK STEWART suddenly
put in anappearance on Sunday morning,
and says that he ran away from Professor
Whitehill for day or two, just to shake
hands with his old friends. He declares
that Eastern Nevada is not yet any more
than specifically prospected that tongue
can not tell nor the imagination of man
conceive the half Of the wealth which the
future is to unfold among the desert hills
which stretch away to the east of us. He
is enthusiastic over what he has been per-
mitted to learn in his four-months wan
derings over the State. He mentions
with particular emphasis Phoebe, Cherry
Creek, White Pine, Eureka, Tuscarora,
and Cornucopia District The last-named
District he intonates with peculiar en-
phasis, which carries the idea that in his
judgment there is very little to wish for
that is not provided there. AS for the
Centennial, he is certain that in a min
eral display no other country is going to
have anything which can be denominated
rival to Nevada in the big show. Virg.
Enterprise.
Year: 1875

The story of the absent-minded man
who, meeting his own son on the street,
shook hands with him and asked him how
his father was, has been equalled by the
forgetfulness of Wisconsin farmer. The
man drove to town to transact some busi-
ness. and was accompanied by his wife.
Leaving her at dry goods store, he pro-
ceeded to carry out his intentions. Hav-
ing finished his business. he forgot all
about the little circumstance of bringing
his wife with him, and started home
alone. Arriving there he put his horses
up, and proceeded to do the chores. In
the meantime his wife had learned that
her husband had left town without her.
Hiring conveyance, she was driven
home. She didn't wait to take off her
things, but seizinga press-board made
her way to the back yard. The husband
had just seated himself on his milking
stool, and had Just opened conversation
with the COW on the subject of "h 'ist-
ing. remarking freely that it was so
boss" He was just setting down to
business when whistling sound, of
something rapidly cleaving the air, came
from the other side of the cow. 1t was
the press-board, and his wife was at one
end of it. An instant after it fell with
crushing weight upon his knees. The
cow, having conscientious scruples about
standing between husband and wife. left
very suddenly, and in hurry kicked the
poor man in the immediate vicinity of the
vest pocket. The unhappy victim of cir
cumstances scrambled up on all fours,
when the press-board again descended,
striking him opposite to where the COW
had left her tracks. His wife then asked
him If he would ever forget her again.
and his answer was plain and to the point,
mot much"
Year: 1875

DYING OF STUPIDITY. GOOD temper,
and the equanimisy which is its result,
are generally thought to be promotive Of
eminent physician" quoted by Lord
Jeffrey, g the wealthier members Of the
Society of Friends, often die of stupid
ity, and rarely live to be fifty eat too
much and take too little exercise, and,
above all, have no nervous excitement. :"
This remarkable statement was made In
1913. Some persons may disagree with
its conclusions as whole. q may, how
ever, be conceded that a reasonable
amount of nervous stimulous is health
ful-its absence being as injurious as an
excess would be. It has been noticed
that men who have worked hard for
many years, are often carried off by some
sudden or unlocked for disease, soon
after retiring from business. Radical
changes of habit, Incidence and over
exertion are alike hazardous to perfect
health. ,.s msg
Year: 1875

A HoksE's SAGACrTY.-A correspond
ent of the Erie, Pa, Dispatch writes:
yesterday, horse mounted by ayoung
man was seen to slip on the frosted
street, stagger and fall. throwing the
rider to the ground. Before two seconds
had elapsed the horse was up on his
feet again. and the rider hanging by one
foot. which was fastened in the stirrup.
The horse, though frightened, discov
cred the uncomfortable position of his
rider, aod after one or two steps to one
side, as though not to trample the man,
came to q dead halt, and stood as a
statute until . man who was passing on
the sidwalk approached him and pulled
the discomfitted riders foot clear of the
stirrup. I was delighted to find the
man entirely unharmed, but discovered
that the stirrups were both wound with
carpet. evidently to keep the riders feet
warm. or with desire on his part to
have his brains dragged out on som.
occasion like the present. The incident
is most remarkable from the fact that
the horse is one Of fine blood. imported
to Erie for q trotter, and costing some
thousands Of dollars.
Year: 1875

The Ten PER GENT IMPosr.-The N.
Y. Economist thus comments on the In.
justice of the new Tariff ten per cent.
impost tax:


The imposition Of the tax Of ten per
cent. on all manufactured articles con-
stitutes one of the worst and most op-
pressiye features of the new revenue
bill. This tax will only yield about
So, ,OOO, 600 to the Federal Treasury. but
it will take ten times that amount from
the people who constitute the mass of
consumers-and transfer it to the pock>
cts Of wealthy capitalists. There is
scarcely an article of necessity, conven-
ience or luxury that will not be made
dearer and more expensive in conse-
quence of this act. There is not an ar
ticle or implement in the farm yard, the
workshop or the dwelling from the
poor mans home to tho rich mans pal
ace-that can escape the impost. Only,
of course, the burden will fall more
heavily on the middle and producing
classes.
Year: 1875

MAN GoRED TO DEATH by BuLL--lIIs NAME


KNOWN ONLY AB "JoHS


On Thursday last, man employed on the
farm of William schloege, near Landenborg,
Chester county, was gored to death by an infr-
rated bull. lie was engaged in carrying grain
through the barn yard when, for some unknown
cause, the bull in the yard made a rush at him
his horns they penetrated his body tearing out
his intrails. The unfortunate man lived but a
few minutes after the accident. He was an un-
married man who arrived from Germany about
two years ago, since which time he has been liv-
ing with Mr.. Sahloege


4 strange part OF the affair is that neither Mr..
Schloegle nor any one else knew the man by any
other name than that of John, and not only
are we unable to give any further name that
would identify him, but it s believed that he is,
beyond that, entirely unknown in this country
Year: 1875




We've met again, to separate;
Our schooi-room life is DER,
And now to sing our parting song
We gather here once more.
The ties that many bound are ret
To set the wand'rers free;
How earnest are the few now left
The coming years Shall see;
And coming lips will cry aloud
How worthy we may be.
Upon the stage of human life


We each have part to play;
And one may be To prophecy


The light of brighter day.
Or of cheerful, loving home


The happy centre be-
Or yet ones fate may be TO roam
Der distant land and sea; l5
But wheresOe'er we go, oh! true
And earnest let us be. aW
And let us part with loving words,
sa Put grudges old away,
And clasp with only Kindness one
Anothers hands to-day.
Unpleasant memories are few;


Well leave them all behind
But ne'er forget the friendly smiles,
The loving acts, and Kind,
For these are tender, precious ties
p That time can meier unbind.
To him whose hand has never moved
stone from narrow path,
But aided us to step above


With high, eXultant breath,-
To him, and her, whose kindly voice
Has cheered us Oftentlme,
We give our love and gratitude,
To last through future time
A love that will not pass away


gratitude sublime.
o God! the God of old and young
Be Thou our future guide,
And help us live and love for Thee,-
Forgetting all beside
O, let the brightness of Thy grace
Illume us from on high,
And let Thy perfect rest and peace
Forever on us lie;


And Thine shall be the glory great
Through all eternity.
The assemblage was then dismissed
with benediction pronounced by
Rev. DIR. White.


THE COMPLIMENTARY PARTY
Was given by the friends of the class
and was largely attended by the youth
and beauty of Los Angeles. Joy was
unrestrained, and music and dancing
closed the commencement exercises.
Year: 1875

MOrristown Gazette.


MEMPHIS, June MISUNDERSTANDING
the fact that Memphis is the CONNER
cisl emporium of Tennessee, it will
doubtless be agreeable to your readers to
give them brief summary Of her future
prospects, with little gossip thrown liz.
The very fact Of her geographical posi-
ton has made her the abode OF great
men fIom every section OF the Union,
and especially Of many Of that charac-
ter from East Tennessee. In fact, it is
al impOssibility for an East Tennessean,
with an average intellect, to become DOM
iciled before he is forced to become pub
lie servant in some capacity. 1t is often
remarked that our section is an "EldO-
RADIO" for them. The only way, indeed,
which they can prevent having lucEa-
tive Office thrust upon them by the REQ.
pie is to prove one Of "Tony Wellers's
GiibiS" as to the place of their nativity.
The establishment of the fact that they
first saw the light Of day in your beauti-
full mountain country, is so sure read
to places OF honor and profit, that many
Of cur aspiring citizens have resorted to
sophistry 10 convince the "sovereigrs"
that they would have been born among
you haG the opportunity been afforded
them OF making a selection OF, 10 them,
so eventful place. Of course
yen do not understand how this state of
AFFAIR." has existed so long, aud so few of
your citizens have emigrated from their
quiet homes, sllured by the good fortune
Of their friends and nelghboTs who have
come among US. 1t cannot be account
ed for upon the hypothesis that light
ming never strikes twice in the same
place, because it keeps striking at every
election, and East Tennesseans have all
felt its electric shock. We viii have
more elections; so please advertise that
fact to your readers. We are partial to
their sort, for they have thus far failed
TO steal any public funds entrusted to
Them
Year: 1875

REFERRU;G TO Tweed, the New York
Herald very psrtineutly asks IL it would
not be well for the eminent counsel &c
advise thei- cllcRt 10 return to the city
some Of the millions which he stole from
the treasury, and then very savsgely
insists that 'this bTszsn thief must not
be male g hero. nor must the lawyer,
whose ingenuity IL stimulated by the
payment Of large fees from the stolen
public money, be permitted to cloud the
essential fact that Tweed is the mouu-
mental thief Of the sge, and thatr5stitu-
ton must come before mercy"
Year: 1875

The Bangor Commercial, the most reckless
of the Democratic organs, gives currency to
the lie that ex-soldiers are threatened that If
they do not vote for Gen. Connor their pen
sions will be reduced or cut off. The lie is
too absurd to be believed. The only danger
the ex-soldier has to fear is Democratic ma
jority in Congress. In the next House there
will be sixty members on the Democratic
side who were in the rebel army. Give this
same class a majority in both houses and a
Democratic President, and they will either
demand pensions for rebel soldiers or that
those now paid to federal soldiers be dscon-
tinued. They all claim that the rebellion
was right, and if their comrades were dis
abled in righteous cause, they certainly
should be put on level with the federal SOL
diers who fought against that righteous cause.
The rebel Democracy of the South will soon
constitute the controlling element in the
Democratic party, and that element when it
has the power will not submit to system of
pensions which not only ignores them and
their constituents, but brands their conduct
in 1866 as traitors. The logical conclusion
must inevitably be that Democratic MAORI
ty in Congress, controlled by members who
participated in the lost cause, must be mem
ace to the present pension law. 1t is unnec-
essary to add that Gen. Roberts rejOices in
the fact that there are sixty ex-confederate
officers in the next Congress who must logi-
cally be opposed to the pensioning of Union
soldiers while their married comrades are un-
racoopizod
Year: 1875

The Argus has determined to make this
campaign of personal abuse of the basest sort.
Every day some collection of falsehoods is
presented against men of known integrity
and standing. If the conductors of that
journal think they can wiz the support of the
people by such disgraceful ASSAULTS they will
find themselves utterly and decidedly mistak-
en-. Decent people like to see fair play. The
latest attack has Eeen made on David W.
Merrill, Esq, of New Gloucester. The Ar-
gus, if it knows anything about it, knows
that there is not shadow of truth in any
one of its insinuations. Mr.. Merrill stands
ready to meet any attack that can be made
upon him, and invites any investigation any
body chooses to make. The fact that he was
selectman of his town for six years, and an
honest and upright one, has, of course, made
him few enemies to whose malice this attack
is due. In bis own town this is all under
stood, and their insinuations are strengthen
ing Mr.. Merrill, and will put him ahead of
bis ticket on election day there. But these
attempts are not intended to strike where a
man is known but where he is not known.
We believe the people of this country have
begun to understand the nature of the con-
flict waged by the Democrats, and are pre-
pared to meet l.. Slander never yet prevail
ed in an intelligent and honest community,
and il will not prevail in this.
Year: 1875

THE time to catch larks has come. The
Argus has said bright thing. But in re-
gard to its treasury grab during the last leg
islative session it pleads that the grab was a
very little one indeed, which is suggestive of
similar plea that has passed into story. 1t
appears that the Argus does not object to
stealing but to the size of the plunder. 1t is
also very wrong to take an extra dollar on ac-
count of mileage, but perfectly right to take
an extra dollar on account of subscription.
Year: 1875

An earnest desire to justify your generous conf
dence, and strong regard for the honor and ,cel-
fare of our State inspire Nth the firm resolve to
spare no effort and to consider other consequences
in the edeavor to faithfully DISCHARGE the duties that
,ciH be incumbent on nae if your choice shall prore
to be che choice of the people also. pledge you and
thousands for hoa you act, in that erent an honest
purpose and fred determination to make the public
good my single aim and constant care.


Gen. Connor's Acceptance.
Year: 1875

The Argus cannot get upa controversy
about Gov. Tilden. The PRESS has ever
been ready to acknowledge his merits. What
we said was, land we repeat it,) that he could
not rely upon his own party to second his
efforts at reform, and so had to call upon the
Republicans for aid. whatever reform he ac-
complishes must be through the help of the
Republican party. The Democracy will new
er aid him. The instinct of self preservation
is too strong with them.
Year: 1875

THE Argus thinks it little singular that a
deficiency bill should be twice as large as the
regular appropriation. Not at all singular
under Democratic administration. 1t is
the regular Democratic thing. A Democrat
ic administration is made up Of deficiencies.
Year: 1875

blacking boots and driving dirt
CARTS" .-.


ais it possible? I suppose people
don't go to church much"


Not much! Some do, think it is
good to go to church myself, it looks
respectable, and besides some kinds
Of business pay better if you have a
congregation to fall back upon.


"What sort of business does pay
best tor woman, for example,"


"Well, my washwoman wore
diamond ear rings when I came away
and 1 suppose now if l was to go in
to the laundry business, could
make heap Of money in a very
short time"


"I should not like it. 1 might be
help to you in that way, but
don't propose to do anything of the
sort, got married to have good
home and make my husband happy,
which could not do il you kept a
luandry, and have me to oversee
it, 1 suppose you don't think of
any such thing"


"Of course not, only said it
would be profitable. shall take an
Office and hoist my shingle as soon
as get settled, you may have to
live in ent first along, Hetty."


"a tent! why it's the rainy sea-,
son."


"That doesn't matter, we can put
straw on the ground and change it
when it is damp. We can't tell
what We may do yet, 1 have vile
and must do the best I can"


81 can't live in a tent, have had
rheumatic lever and must have some
dry place to live in."


I'VE shall find one perhaps, mean
time don't think anything more
about it. 1t will be two weeks YET 10
san Francisco.


ITO be cOniiRucd.)
Year: 1875

AN INTERVIEW ER.--We mentioned
the other day that II good looking young
lady in Bloomer costume was the center
of attraction for the crowd at the railroad
depot, all the people present being anx-
ious to know who she was, whence she
came and whittier she was going. A
wag finally suggested the idea of sending
in the newsboy with the euphonious and
classic name-l llash-the one whom we
have previously immortaized-to obtain
the desired information. At first he did
not understand wherein she differed from
any other lady, but when the thing was
made clear to him, he said "Vell, tat's
all right; you SEQ | vas go in und say dot
| want to know who she vas-to put it in
dem babers," and the crowd cried" Yes
yes ~ SO he started off, but stopped the
moment he set foot within the threshold
Of the waiting room, for then six footer,
who looked very much like big brother,
stepped up to the young lady and com
menced talking familIary with her. This
somewhat dampened our knights ardor
for the fray, as he begun to suspect that
the brothers. boots would weigh ton or
so if they should happen to move in an
ger, and so he beat precipitate retreat.
The bystanders who had set him on did
not mean to be cheated out Of their sport
in this manner and SO they ridiculed the
youth into desperation and he determined
10 do or die--the brother had just stepped
out. Entering the room again he was on
the point of addressing her, when she
she looked up into his face with winning
smile, as if TO ask what he wanted and he
turned and fed before her glance. lie
afterward explained his conduct by say
ing that he hadn't ''cheel enough TO ask
dem questions. When dot girl looked at
me so sweet | vas all over red like a
beet, und my heart shumped like noting
at all. If she would only look cross /
dnk | could shpesk to her, but ven she
don't do il, | amt got brass enough any
how. .'-Sdc. Bee.
Year: 1875

AN EDIToR's ADVICE A broken
hearted young lady writes to US as fol-
lows: "About two years ago | became
acquainted with a young gentleman and
although he never paid me any particular
attentions, he would often accompany me
to and from church, etc. But lately
have noticed great change in him. He
avoids me as much as possible and starts
if address him. Can he have ceased to
love me For know he did, though he
never said so. If | thought he had, it
would break my heart"


Perhaps we ought not to interfere in
this matter; but as we know just exactly
what should be done with the young man
we feel as if we ought to speak out. Do
not attempt to reason with him, or cajole
him, or pacify him. The next time he
calls, take a monkey wrench, fasten il
securely upon his nose, lead him off to
the dining room, and ask him what he
means. If he won't answer, twist the
wrench three or four times, and butt his
head up against the stove or the mantel-
piece until his gloom is dispellod. If he
says he has ceased to love you, let your
fingers daily with his ringlets lovingly a
few minutes, and then suddenly lift a
couple Of handiuls out, and have an Irish
man at hand to come in and sit on him
awhile and knock out his teeth and jump
up and down on him and be sociable.
Then let him 60 and commence your ar
rangem ents to rope in fresh man. You
cannot afford to waste your young life on
such wretch as this; and where heart
will not throb to heart or soul respond to
soul, the best thing to do is to confuse the
nose ut once.
Year: 1875

KISSING IN A TUNNEL.-On the up
train of the railroad there occurred the
other morning most laughable incident.
Some fun loving boys had determined to
have some sport, and when nearing the
long tunnel, they arranged to steal kiss
from their respective girls, as soon as the
excavation was entered and it was totally
dark. The train was greatly crowded, a
large number being compelled to stand.
One gentleman and his fair companion,
we noticed were both standing, and just
in front Of her was colored girl. The
train rolled slowly through and emerged
very suddenly from the gloom, and there,
taking his last, lingering kiss from the
colored girl, was that gentleman, while
his mischievous companion stood few
steps behind, laughing immoderately.
The poor fellow let go hastily and began
to search for his handkerchief, while the
blood seemed ready to burst from his
crimson face. His real partner had be-
come suspicious, and when they went in
to the tunnel, she drew quietly back and
pulled the lady of color into the place she
had occupied. We felt for him, and as
we passed him in leaving the car, we
heard him sigh, want to go home /"
-HemingSbar9 (Kentnchy) Rombier.