smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

The Young woman said her lover
was coming ON the midnight train and
she was going with him to the next
station TO be married. Whereupon the
old lady said she had much experience
in the marrying business, and would
give the young lady some advice, and
here is what she said


We'll, child, never marry railroad
er, for he is liable 20 get killed at any
time. Bcsides,h has such nice chanct
To firt. Never marry military man
for he's liable to 90 to war and get shot
Besides, his gorgeous clothes attrac;
the attention of the women. Never
marry a hotel keeper. My first hus
band was hotclkeeper and fell
through the elevator opening and broke
his darmed skull. Il rilrs me when |
think of that man. Never mary a
travelling man for he's always away
from hum. Nobody knows what these
men are up to when they are away from
hum. Never marry a steamboater My
second husband was steamboat cap
tain and got blowed into 4,O00,GOJ
pieces, blast him Railways get terri
Llv mad when think of that man.
Never marry drygoods man. Dyes
in clothes is so injurious. They never
live halt their days Never marry a
grocer. They have such dirty hands
My third husband was grocer, and
such hands AS he'd have was nut to
sicken body. He was killed by a
molasses barrel fallu' on him. When
think of him I'm completely disgust
ed Never marry a carpenter. Wy
fourth husband was a carpenter, and
fell off a scatfod and was smashed TO a
jelly. May his soul sleep i'll peace
Never marry machinest. My fifth
husband was a machinst. I'll never
forget the dav that he was brought
home on 4 board. l didn't recognize
hin. A belt had come off 4 pulley and
hi: him plum i'll the face, and spread
his nose all over his countenance. |
promised him ON his dyin' bed that d
never marry another machiniSt.


Just then the train rolled in and the
old lady asked:


Child, what business is your lover
in?"


INSURANCE business"


"Oh, mercy! You don't mean to
marry him! My sixth husband was an
lnsul ance-


Bnt the young lady was gone to meet
her lover.
Year: 1876

are so generally known by our farmers
us to the yield and saving Of graln-that 1t
is hardly necessary to mention this point.


BY recent invention, an Attachment
can be made AT Il cost of about i've dollars,
which will enable the driver to hoist the
shovels without stopping or getting on,-
thus doing away with the extra hand usu-
ally uSed i'm Drilling
Year: 1876

A young lady in Reading, Pa, h s


just died, most injndiciously and in
discreetly, of fright, caused by mis-
understanding natural phenomenon
of the most consOlatory character.
She had her photograph taken, and
showed it to her mother, who exam
ined il and then said in German,
why, this picture has deaths head
on it," She pointed 10 the tie worn
about the lady's throat, and what
looked like a skull was distinctly
seen on the picture, aud it excited
some curiosity. No attention was
paid to this, and few days after
wards one of her photographs was
looked at again, and to their great
astonishment they discovered that the
figure, or what greatly resembled it,
of another skull had appeared just
above ii. This was also pointed out
to the young lady, and she became
deathly pale and took to her bed.
She slowly sank, and in two months
after she had her picture taken she
was corpse. Obviously these two
deaths heads meant that the young
lady would have two husbands and
survive them both. Instead Of which
she allowed her inexperienced moth
er to frighten her to death. The edu-
cation of young women in this coun-
try is not what il should be.
Year: 1876

An Englishman's modesty was ter
ribly shocked when he saw the crew
of Union College come on the grand
stand naked down to within nine
inches Of their loins, and chat and
mingle with the ladies.


"Hannything," said he, $50 blarsted
hindecent l never saw in the ole
course of my life. Why, ifa man, you
know, did that in Hingland he would
be transported to Botany Bay 1t
certainly was rather hewildering
spectacle to see four men so perilous-
ly near to utter nudity, talking with
an entire unconcern Of their appear
ance before the many delicate and
blushing sylphs on the grand stand.
1t would hurt these valiant oarsmen
little if they contrived to don light
gauze shirt and save their skin from
wearing the complexion of a red In
dian,
Year: 1876

WASHINGTON, Aug. 9.-Gen. Sher-
man says the proposition from the
agency Indians that cessation. OF
hostilties with Sitting Bull and his
adherents shall be arranged in the
interests of permanent peace, is ala
together out of the question. The
Indian tribe with which the govern-
ment is at war is not such nation as
to allow the establishment of any
negotiations of treaties of any char
actcr. No confidence can be placed
in their promises, while the reason
for not favoring the proposition il
that the request does not come from
the hostile tribes, and there is no
ground for believing there is desire
for peace. Gen. Sheridan's views on
the proposition have not yet been re-
ceived ut headquarters.


WASHINGTON, August, 10. - The
Senate Judiciary Committee reported
the following substitute for the
House joint resolution proposing a
constitutional amendment on the
school question:


Rcsolced. That no state shall makes
any law respecting an establishment
of religion or prohibiting the free
exercise thereof, and no religious
test shall be required as qualifica.z
ton to any Office or public trust un-
der any state. No public property
and no public revenue Of, nor any
loan of credit by or under under the
authority of the United States, or any
state, territory, district or municipal
corporation, shall be appropriated to
or made or used for the support OF
any school, educational or any other
institution under control Of an anti
religious sect, organization or denom-
ination or wherein particular creeds
or tenets of any religious or anti-re-
ligious sect, organization or denomi-
nation shall be taught; and no such
particular creed or tenets shall be
read or taught in any school or in
religion, supported in whole or in
part by such revenue or loan of cred.
it, and no such appropriation or loan
of credit shall be made to any relig-
ious or anti-religious sect. organiza-
ton or denomination or to promote
its interests or tcnets. This article
shall not be construed to prohibit the
reading of the bible in any school or
Institution and it shall not have the
effect to impair the rights of proper
ty already vested by section 2.


Congress shall have power, by ap-
propriate legislation, to provide for
the prevention and punishment of Vi
OlotipuS nf this artinIa
Year: 1876

We have justice in this county
whose strict impartiality we chal-
lenge the State to equal. On one oc-
casion there was brought before him
suit in which the plaintiff employed
no counsel. The evidence being
heard, and the attorney for the de-
fensc having mede his plea, the JUS
tice arose and remarked that it SEEM
ed to him right, proper and necessary
that something be said in behalf of
plaintiff, and as the plaintiff was rep
resented by no attorney, and there
being no one else present with quail
fications equal to the occasion, he
himself would argue that side of the
case. Accordingly he proceeded to
address the court with telling effect,
putting all the force and eloquence
of which he was master into the effort,
and only closed when exhausted and
out of breath. 1t is, perhaps, need
less to remark that the suit was de-
cidcd in favor of the plaintiff.
Year: 1876

There is young lady in Corktown


who has been engaged five times
since New Years, but who is now


free once more. She is ali heiress i'm
small way. her father having snug
sum and owning considerable proper
ty in the Eighth Ward. Her suitors
have always been prosperous young
men, as she will not have any other
Wooers save those who can show
signs of capability and worldly
wealth. But she has an ambition to
be loved for herself alone. and puts
all her intended husbands to the test
in this wise: She takes an opportu-
nifty of confiding to them, with in


functions of perfect secrcsy, that her
father has lost great deal of money.
and has been obliged to mortgage
his dwelling house and furniture.
The latter, however, she represents.
is not mortgaged for more than one
halt its worth, so she asks. as favor.
that her intended advance sum oil
money on second chattle mortgage
The effect of the rusc. so far, has been
that each young man has promised to
advance the money and afterward
broken his promise and acted in such
a manner that the engagement is
broken also.-DetroH Nens.
Year: 1876

ST. PAU. Aug. l5.-Gen Forsythe.
of Gen. Sherridan's staff. passed
through this city Yesterday having
left Terry's camp at the mouth Of the
Rosebud one week ago last Tuesday.
ID was stated that Terry had fallen
back SO miles. There was no falling
back at all. The evening before For-
sythe left Ferry scout from Crook
had reached them. Crook was then
near the head waters on the Rosebud
oI between that and Tongue river.


AT this time Terry was at the
mouth OF Big Horn river. and i'm or
der To facilitate communication be-
tween himself and Crook, dropped
down the river to the mouth of the
Rosebud, between which point and
Crook the distance was no greater
than from the mouth of the Big
Horn, while the country was more
favorable for the marching of troops.
The scout alluded to said Indians
trails had been found leading east
between Crook and the Yellowstone,


4 junction of Terry aud Crook at a
point further east than Big Horn was
likely To prevent the escape of the
Indians to the east and north of the
present scene of operations. Terry
and his men are in the best possible
spirits. The story that Dave Camp
bell, pilot of the steamer '.Far West"
scalped and mutilated one of the par
ty of Indians which he and his party
encountered near Ft. Buford, Is not
true.


The Indians are still supposed to he
massed some where between the
Rosebud and Big Horn. The inn
preston prevailed that one of two
alternatives was left them either to
scatter to the eastward toward Brit
ish America or to retire Southwark
to the Big Horn Mountains. Though
they were in close proximity TO
Crooks command, 1t was not expec-
ted they would give Crock or Terry
a chance to meet them in body
BY those who bring the very latest
news from Terry the situation is re-
garded as very favorable. Fully
1000 men are in the field under the
very best officers and the men are i'm
excellent condition. Supplies of all
kinds are equal to every require
ment.
Year: 1876

For the first few days after l landed
in Santa Barbara, was surprised to
see ladies with whom was conyers-
ing excuse themselves every few min.
utes to rush into an adjoining room.
| was all the time suffering agonies
from the bites of myriads of fleas
but ! supposed the usages Of polite
society made it necessary for me to
present smiling front 10 my callers,
in other words to grin and bear il
until l should be alone. But soon
learned that it was the custom in this
strange town, Immediately upon the
first warning bite, to retire pell-mell
from the eye of the world, and, even
IN the midst of a sentence, dispose OF
the flea before finishing conversation.


1t is astonishing what practice will
enable one to do in the way of flea
killing. flatter myself that l am now
an adept in the science.
Year: 1876

TX ANNOUNCING the nomination OF
General Harrison as Republican can
didate for Governor of Indiana, the
indianapolis Journal says vt IS no
exaggeration of the popular feehns
to say that General Harrison Is the
spontaneous choice of the Repubil-
can party in the State for the position
of Governor, and that he fully repre-
sents the exigencies of the OCCASION
This is not fitting time to dwell up
on his character, his abilities, or the
sources of his popularity. II Il
enough that they are such as to com
mend themselves to the Republlcai
party throughout the State, and u
indicate him as unmistakably the frs
choice of the party for the high po
sition Of Governor.
Year: 1876

Two of the Democratic candidates
for the Supreme bench in Indiana
were forced from the ticket by the
party. They had been detected in
corruption to the extent OF about
$4,000, and the evidence was so clear
that the party could not and would
not undertake to carry the load. The
candidates, however, would not un-
load themselves by declining, and SO
the party forced them off.
Year: 1876

I would respectfully inform those of
my friends, both here and at a distance,
who have ary expectation of getting
thirsty that have just received most
complete assortment Of Pure Liquors
ever imported to Lake Charles, which
[ am desirouS Of selling at wholesale
and retail at prices to justify both seller
and buyer. Ny wines and brandies are
unsurpassed, and my WHISTLES 1.-THE
Simon pure" Before leaving town be
sure and call around and take parting
farewell. Lager beer, Scotch ale and
porter constantly on hand. ap4n4y
Year: 1876

What Northern Supreme Court
would allow Il lawyer TO declare in
its presence that his clieut would
not obey its mandate? That is
what Gen. Barlow did in the pres
ence of the Supreme Court Of
Florida. Or what Supreme trI-
bunal Of Northern State woald
permit Gen. Barlow or any 0ther
man to make his threat that its
process would be overrSdden by
the Governor, backed by the mill
tary power at the Presidents com
maud? Exactly this has hap
ppned before the Supreme Court
of Florida. This is a wonderfully
liberal Interpretation of that clause
of the Constitution which guarau-
tees to every State a republican
form Of government, = Baltimore
Gazette
Year: 1876

To-day the festival known as All Saints' Day will be
celebrated in most OF the Episcopal and all OF the
Catholic churches Al Trinity church services will
begin at eleven A. NJ and In addition to the usual SER
vice communion will DO administered to tho members
OF the church In afternoon at threc O'Clock there
Will be prayer meeting At other Episcopal churches
nearly the same ceremonies viii be observed Cath
ollie churches will celebrate solemn high In the
morning, and in some sermon the supJcct OF the
festival will be delivered.
Year: 1876

day until to-day to await the arrival OF
Evans, excited no great interest outside in
terested circles. The managers have got
in all their direct testimony, save that of
Evans; but it is likely that the best part of
next week will have been consumed before
the end is reached. believe majority of
those who have watched the trial do not
think conviction probable.


The two or three past days and nights.
which have been comparatively cool, are
succeeded to-day by very hot weather
again. Were it not for the party interests
involved, Congress would adjourn before
Saturday night. As it is neither party,
though showing many symptoms of ex-
haustion, manifests the most remote dis
position to yield. MAXWELL.
Year: 1876

Yesterday afternoon ID ge number Of the
delegates from New Orleans and those
from other parishes started tor Baton
Rouge on the Nstchez, Robert Mitchell and
st. Mary. Many others interested in the
Democratic convention took passage at the
same time. A large number Of people were
present to see them off.


To-day the last of those who intend to be
present will have to patronize the St. John,
which leaves at four in the afternoon,
Year: 1876

The July number of the excellent New
Orleans Medical and Surgical Journal is
out bright and early with q table Of con-
tents fresh and attractive to the medical
profession In commencing new volume
the editor, Dr. S. NJ. Bemiss, takes occasion
to say that the journal is now established
on frm financial basis, and the publishers
are encouraged to make it more entertain
ing and useful than ever.
Year: 1876

THE THEORY NOT INCOMPATIBLE WITH THAT OF A
GREAT FIRST CAUsE-UNBELIEF NOT ENCOURAGED
BY II.


To the EditOr Of The Tribune


SIR We have all read and heard with great
pleasure the lectures Of Prof Huxley and whis
they fresh in memories think II may be well 70
refer to point connected with them which he purposey
omitted foreign 10 his subject the relation Of the
development theory to revealed religion.


It's certainly most unfair to attempt TO Oyerthrow
scientific hypothesis because it nterfees with our inter-
probation Of the Bible. Let us not use, as vail this
holy book TO shut out from our eyes what may be the
light of truth.


We observe in the Mosaic account Of the creation that
after the distribution of land and had taken place.
all fe beginning at the lower forms, created. The
scientist tells us that after the earth had become
sufficiently cool from its state OF neandescence, the
water which in its gaseous form had surrounded the
planet with immense atmosphere condemned and
became the sea- The earth ready for the intro
ductOn OF life which evolved out of the inorganic
matter in the form of a gelanOus substance and from
this the higher forms of life appeared, which reached
their climax in man. Now in asserting that the organic
evolved out OF the inorganic, am merely saying in
different words that out OF the dust OF the earth God


Mr. Darwin does not hold that man ia descended from
the Oran outang nor IN fact that any species develops
out OF another but that from certain germ cells all lie
has sprung, and that the various circumstances unde
which they were placed account Tor the different forms
which they Now 10 say tn3t God created out
OF the inert earth a germ cell, and set in motion the
machinery which would IN course OF time produce man,
does not make man any less dependent on a supreme
Being. for the existence OF tGat cell In the hst place and
secondly the machinery by which It evolves the higher
forms OF life both point certainly 20 first great
cause as II we should resort In every instance 20 a
special creation. Why. then this abuse which many
champions OF tine Bible heap on the Darwnian theory
Does diminish conception Of the wisdom Of God
to saw that Ills was the intelligence that devised this
great scheme OF eyOutOnl Does ii detract from His
power 10 say that His is the arm that guides this vast
inachnei You would not deny that God creates the
butterfly, because you II come out nom the grub
And with more justice can you say that lie dd not
create because lie made OF intermediate stages
The development theory, fairly set forth, gives no
cOuntenancc To unbeel. but makes al nature point TO
great cause the Creator OF all existing things
Orange, N. j., Sept. 80, 1876. lMPARTIALITY.
Year: 1876

damage done, while in rs there much damage dons
The Wnterof 6667 open, with frequent periods ~
waId, cold and wet, while the Winter Of '74J7S
was steadily cold with but very few days OF warm n
Now Is t not in the Northwest when the Winter does
not ure tine eggs that they hatched out in mense
quantities. and then get flight OF them to the Eass
and South Now In this country need have but l,tls
fear of them II knew OF their coming In time TO ssys
from sowing wheat in the Fall This Fa there was
quantity OF wheat sOwed the week they here
which might have been saved IL the farmers could lava
been Informed of their coming II the Government
Signal Service would inform the Western people OF the
of the grasshOppers, thousands OF dollars
might he saved Kansas has lost enough in seed wheat
this Fall pay the expense Of the corps for year Ths
newspapers viii say word, because they foolishy
think IL would inure the State Now the grasshOpper


fixed fact, and people might as well look In the faos
and try to guard against his coming. H.


Humboldt, Kan, Sept 81, 1876.
Year: 1876




SIR: / regretted TO see your editorial of Aug.
% on Gov TiIdens income tax. / am a Republican.
and intend 20 vote for Hayes and Wheeler Bat have
been filled with disgust by the brutal attacks made on
GOV Tilden by Of the Republican press and have
been pleased to see that THE TRIBUNE, while opposing
him. was disposed to treat him fairly think You are
clearly wrong about the law to the income tax You
say that Gov. Tden az excellent lawyer must have
known from she first that the courts would have con
srued the law "as they have repeatedly construed It, as
covering the amount actually received during year no
matter when earned


am not that the courts have ever construed the
law in this way. Can YOU state when ANA Whtrct do
know that during the first years that the income tax was
In force the law generally construed Otherwise.
Commissioner Lewis held in 1868, that physicians and
LAWYERS should include actual receipts for services rem
dered In SOP, together with the estimate of unrealized
or contingent income due for that year And yOu VIII
see by moments reflection that this Is the only just
rule II seems TO me (and have doubt you will agree
with mel disgrace TO American journalism for leading
newspapers continually indulge IN railing accusations
of Dey and fraud against the Governor or the state
OF Hew-YOrk. gentleman who has borne an unsullied
reputation for 90 years. NV vote against Gov. TIL
den will be gven because dstrst his party There Is
danger however, that some who now intend 20 vote for
HAYES may be driven TO Tdens support by these out
rage0us and cOwardy attacks. M. HALE.


AkbdnK Sept. 2, 1876
Year: 1876




SIR: AS THE TRIBUNE contains more real
information about the Centennial Exhibition than all the
other New-York papers and all the Philadelphia papers
combined wish TO call attention through it TO
which has been the of much dissatisfaction Every
thing offered sale in the Exhibition is altogether
dear aud this to the OF those who would buy and
10 the loss OF those who would SELL great many visi
tors would like to carry away memento but they can
not afford pay from 200 to 300 per cent than
thing is worth This evil may be prevented for the re-
maiuing days of the Exhibition If the vendors OF articles
will only little enlightened seshness. and sell
their for the prices AT which they be bought in
the large cities. Let them do this and advertise the
extensively and they will lind their profit in vastly
creased sales, at the same time addinga permanent
OF intelligent pleasure to many thousand OF house
holds throughout the land ORTUs.
Aeg- York, Oct, 3, 1876.
Year: 1876

To the Editor OF The Tribune.


SIR: In THE TRIBUNE of Aug. %, Prof.
Riley says we need not fear the grasshopper this year.
but Notwithstanding this prediction they made their
appearance here Sept o. Now consider the grass.
hopper as disease tnat breaks out suddenly and
its course and disappears to break out again whenever
the season ayOrs II the Winters cold and dry, the
eggs are not affected but when the Winters open and
the eggs are and thawed aerward they lose their
vitality ana there is but little dsnger to be apprehended
from them In 1866, the grasshoppers came here in
great numbers and laid hundred per cent more eggs
than in 1874, but In the Spring of 67 there was no
Year: 1876

you will confer favor upon her parents
by writing to them; If they are not there
you will be doing a favor to society by
publishing this fellow So far as | am
concered | don't care what becomes of
either of them.
Year: 1876

When we duly take all these things
into the account, the case of our solar
system will appear as only one of thou
sand cases Of evolution and dissolution
with which the heavens furnish us.
Other stars, like our sun, have undoubt-
edly started as vaporOus masses, and
have thrown off planets in contracting.
The inference may seem a bold one, but
after all it involves no other assumption
than that of the continuity of natural
phenomena. 1t is not likely, therefore,
that the solar system viii be forever left
to itself. Stars which strongly gravitate
toward each other, while moving through
a perernialIy resisting medium, must in
time be drawn together. The collision
of our extinct with one of the Pleia-
des. after this manner, would very
likely suffice to generate even grander
nebula than the one with which we
started. Possibly, the entire galactic
system may, in an inconceivably remote
future. remodel itself in this way; and
possibly the nebula from which our own
group of planets have been formed may
have owed its origin to the disintegration
of systems which had accomplished
their career in the depths of the by-gone
a+arpitv - dH1ltic