Year: 1875

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


IcE-Water that stayed out in the cold
and went to sleep.


ALINE of steamers win run up the Red
| River this season.


UNDERsKIRTs should be two inches
above the sidewalk.


COMPULSORY notwithstanding a
trade at the State Prison


No MEAL. is considered complete now
adays without dictionary.
| THE photographic tournamopg, is the
shape it assumes among the Boston
| girls.


DoN'T imagine that YOU were born to
reform the world. You can't split
mountain with "a toothpick.
I ELMoRE, w. has neither lawyer.
doctor, town debt nor newspaper, but
has money in its treasury.


A MAN in the South recently ate, for q
wager, pound of sawdust This is a
new way of taking board.-.dfcadt0a


The item for wine and cigars alone
in the bill for entertaining Kalakaua
eight days in New York was 50, 1885.


AN investigating surgeon has ascer-
tanned that the application of white-hot
iron to the human body is absolutely
painless.


ALWAYS feed your hands as well as
you do yourself, for the laboring men
are the bone and sinew of the land, and
ought to be well treated.
WHAT is the difference between Noah's
ark and Mississippi fat-boat? One
was made Of Gophir wood and the other
was made to go for wood.


TAKE your time and make calculations.
| Dout do things in hurry, but do them
at the right time, and keep your mind as
well as your body employed.
| A HANDKERCHIEF of William Penn is
to be on exhibition at the Centennial,
and curious correspondent writes TO ask
| if it is the original Penn wiper
SPRING brings joy to the heart of
| Wyoming editor, who sings: "Soon the
dusky squaw will be seen straining
maple-sugar through her winter stock
ings"


A Boston father is telling everybody
who will listen to him that his little Girl.
two years old, brought his pen back to
him and said she wanted some Juice
put into it."


THE editor of the Savannah Naos
comprehensively states that 1--WE cannot
possibly return rejected manuscripts;
indeed, we won't undertake to return
borrowed money"


A COLORADO tombstone remarks:
He was young,
He was fair,
But the lnuns
Raised his ha'r.


ALL the new black grenadines have
patterns on them-checks, stripes, dam
ask, or matelasse. They will be made
up with the plain canvas grenadines so
much in vogue last summer
WHEN two young hearts that beat as
one attend divine services in the even
ing, it is bashfulness that leads them to
select seat i'll the most obscure pew
under the gallery-BFookiyR Argus.


AN excessive mortality prevails among
the colored population of Washington,
due mainly to damp Easements and i'll
ventilated lodgings. The matter is en-
gaging the attention of the health au-
thoritics of the District.


ATCedar Springs, Ga, clergyman re-
cevied dog and an accordion in lieu of
money as a marriage fee. There was
music, vocal and instrumental but il
didn't hath mower. to charm his savage
breast under the circumstances.


WHEN new schoolma'am appears in
some of the Territories the marriageable
men look to the priming of their revolv-
ers and go abroad. The one who Mt the
end of a week or two has fewest bullet
holes in him generally takes her.


THE doctor set the bridge of his nose
all right, sewed up the cut on his cheek,
and ornamented his demoralized coun-
tenance with stripes of sticking plaster
an inch thick and then he went home,
saying: "1he fellow is an internal liar,
but Pll never speak to him again upon
that suhject"


IT was in one of the best Boston High
Schools that the Principal the other day
requested young man who was de-
claiming wide-awake selection to re-
peat the first line and the lad mistaking
the request as calling for a repetition
of the opening line of the last para
graph, beloved out, in stentorian tones,
in reply to the masters request, the stir
ring and impressive sentence: No,
blockbead, moi" The effect on teacher
and pupils needs no explanation.


"SMAIL TALK" of the Louisville C0tG
rier-J J0urn0i, read and acted upon the adj
vice given in paragraph stating that
gum arabic mixed with the starch would
give an appearance of newness to old
shirts. The gum arabic turned his shirt
yellow, and for four days he remained u
restless prisoner in bed, with no other
occupation thaD TO gaze out oi The WIN
dow and watch the yellow garment
bleaching on line, while the ruthless
wind snapped its swallow tails into lib
bons.


SOME of the household recipes given
in the papers are calculated to do more
harm than good. Mrs. Hopson's servant
girl recently read in the paper that "po-
tatoes should be of uniform size to cook
evenly" 1t was more than two days be-
fore she found the meaning Of "uni
FORM" and then she went to work on
half bushel of potatoes. As she
couldn't make the smallest the size of
the largest she pared down the largest
ones until they were as small as the
smallest, and as the latter was about the
size of a walnut she had a weak lot of
potatoes by the time she had made them
of uniform size, and quart measure
would have held them all. The potatoes
were "short" for dinner that day, and, as
an explanation and some very sharp
words followed, Mrs. Hopsons servant
girl now cooks potatoes Of all sizes in