Year: 1870

Nothing IS more annoying than that
display of affection which some husbands
and wives show to each other in society.
That familiarity of touch, those half-con-
cealed caresses, those absurd names,
that prodigality Of endearing epithets, |
that devoted attention which they flaunt
in the face of the public as a kind of
challenge to the world at large to come
and admire their happiness, is always |
noticed and laughed at. Yet to some
women this parade Of love is the very
essence of married happiness and part
of their dearest privileges. They believe |
themselves admired and envied, when |
they are ridiculed and scoffed at; and |
they think their husbands are models for
other men to copy, when they are taken |
as examples for all to avoid. Men who
have any real manlIness, however, do
not give in to this kind of thing though |
there are some, as effeminate and gush-
ing as women themselves, who like this
sloppy effusiveness of love, and carry it |
on into quite old age, fondling the an
cient grandmother with gray hair as law
ishly as they had fondled the youthful
bride, and seeing no want of harmony
in calling a withered old dame of sixty
and upwards by the. pet names by which
they had called her Eaen she was slip
Of girl of eighteen. The continuance
of love from youth a1o old age IS very
lovely, very cheering, but even "John
Anderson my 10" would lose its pathOs if
Mrs. Anderson had ignored the differ


ence between the raven locks and the
snowy brow. This public display of
familiar affection IS never seen among
men who pride themselves upon making
good lovers as certain men do-those
who have reduced the practice of love
making to an art, a science, and know


their lesson to letter. These men are
delightful to women, who like nothing so


much as being made love to, as well af-


ter marriage as before; but men who


take matters quietly, and rely on the


good sense of their wives to take matters
quietly too, sail round these scientific
adorers for both depth and manliness.
And if women knew their best interests
they would care more for the trust than
the science.


All that excess of flattering and petting


of which women are so fond becomes a
| bore to a man if required as part of the
daily habit of life. Out in the world as
| he is, harassed by anxieties of which she


knows nothing. home is emphatically his
place of rest, where his wife is his friend


who knows his mind where he may be
| himself without the fear of offending, and


relax the strain that must be kept up out


of doors where he may feel himself safe,


understood and at ease. And some wo-
men, and these by no means the Coldest


or the least loving, are wise enough to


understand this need of rest in the man S
| harder life, and. accepting the quiet of
security as part Of the conditions of mar
rage, content themselves with the unde-
monstrative love into which the fever of
passion has subsided. Others fret over
1 It, and make themselves and their hus-
/ bands wretched because they cannot be-


Iieve in that which is not forever paraded


before their eyes. Yet what kind of home
is it for the man if he has to walk as if


on egg-shells, every moment afraid of


wounding the susceptibilities of a woman,


who will take nothing on trust, and who
has to be continually assured that he


still loves her, before she will believe
that to-day is as yesterday? Of one


thing she may be certain; no wife who
Understands what is the best kind of mar
rage demands these continual attentions
which, voluntary offerings of the lover,


become enforced tribute from the hus-
band. She knows 3hat as a wife, whom
lit is nccessarysto sit or fiatter, she has
a nobler place than that which is express
ed by the attentions paid to mistress.


Wifehood, like all assured conditions,


does not need to be buttressed up; but


a less certain position must be supported


from the outside, and an insecure self


respect, an uncertain holding, must be
perpetually strengthened and reassured.


Women n who cannot live happily with


out being made love to, are more like
| I,a7+


badly off in the great struggles of life


and the cruel handling of time Placing


all their happiness in things which can


not continue, they let slip that which
lies in their hands, and in their Gesire to


retain the romantic position of lovers
lose the sweet security of wives. Per


haps, if they had higher al ms in life
: than those with which they make shift to
satisfy themselves, they would not let
; themselves sink to the level of this folly


and would understand better than they
= do now the worth of realities as Contras-
} ted with appearances. And yet we can
: not but pity the poor, craving souls who
: long so pittifullY for the freshness of the
: morning to continue far into the day and
evening. To cling so tenaciously to the
feeting romance of youth. They are
taken by the glitter of things-loVe-ma-
king among the rest; and the man who
= is showiest in his affection who can
express it with most color, and paint it.
= so to speak. with the minutest touches
/ is the man whose love seems to them the
most trustworthy and the. most intense
II They often make the mistake of con-
: founding the show with the substance o.
: trusting to pictorial expression rather
: than to solid facts. And they often make
2 the mistake of cloying their husband:
t with personal half childish caresses
/ which were all very well in the early
1 DAYS, but which become tiresome a;
; time goes on and the gravity Of life
: deepens And then, when the mar
2 either quietly keeps them off or more
c brusquely repels them, they are hurt anC
e miserable, and think the whole happi
e ness of their lives is dead, and all tha
f makes marriage beautiful at an end
n What is to be done to balance thing:
n evenly in this unequal world of sex
it What, indeed, is to be done at any time
d to reconcile strength with weakness. anC
S to give each its due j? One thing at leas
= is sure. The more thoroughly womeI
g learn the true nature Of men, the fewe
r mistakes they will make, and the les


unhappiness they will create for them
a selves; and the more patient men ar
It with the hysterical excitability, the rest
r less craving, which nature, for some pur
/ pose at present unknown, has made tn
n special temperament of women, the few
: er feDzDleS fvcODlbrISeS there will be il
e married homes, and the larger tn
e chance of married happiness. All one
e theories of domestic life come down a
Il last to the give and take system, to bear
$ ing and forbearing, and meeting hal
+ way idiosyncracies which one does nc
(. person ally share.-Saturday ReViezv.
)r


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