Year: 1873

Many of our readers will recognize the
truthiulness of the following narrative as
told by the funny man of the Danbury


News: sa.


1t is little singular why your wife's
mother will persist in sleeping on a cord
bedstead But she does. You don't think
SO much of this until you are called upon
to put it up. which event generally takes
place in the evening. The bedstead had
| been cleaned in the afternoon, and having
been soaked through with hot water, is
now ready for putting up. Your wife
| holds the lamp and takes charge ofthe con-
versation. The rope has been under water
several times in The course of the cleaning.
and having swollen to a diameter greater
than the holes in the rails. has also got
into fit OF coiling TIP into mysterious and
very intricate forms You at first wonder
at this, but pretty soon wonder ceases to
be virtue, and you then scold. The thread
, which has been wound around the end of
| the rope to facilitate its introduction into
the holes has come off, and You have to
roll it up again. Then. after YOU have
pulled it throught eight holes, your wife
makes the discovery that you have started
wrong. The way that rope comes out OF
those holes again makes your wife get
|


Then You try again, and get it tangled
| IN your legs. by this time yOu notice that
| is the smallest bedroom in the house. and
you call the attention of your wife to the
fact by observing: '.Why on earth don't
you open the door, Do You want to
| smother me'' She opens the door and
you start again. and she helps You with
the lamp. FRS, she puts it on the wrong
side OF the rail, then she moves it SO the
heat comes up from the chimney and
| scorches Your nose. Just as you need it
! entirely, and turning around, find her c<-
aminlng the wall to see how that man has
put on the whitewash. This excitcs you.
! and brings out the perspiration in greater
proiusion. and You declare YOU will kick
the bed>tead out doors il she doesn come
around with that light. Then she came
around. f


Finally the cord is laid all right. and
You proceed to execute the very delicate
Job of tightening ii. The lower ropes are
first walked over. This is done by step
| ping on the first one and sinking it down.
hanging to the head board with the clutch
of death. Then you step with the other
foot on the next line, spring that down,
lose your balance, grab for the head
| board miss it. and come down in a heap.
| This is repeated more or less times across
the length of the bed, the only variety be-
ing the new places you bruise


| The top cords are frightened in another
way, and you now proceed to that. You
first put one foot on each rail. which
spreads you some, and as you do It the
| tright!ul thought strikes you that If one of
those feet should slip over. nothing on
earth would prevent you from being split
through to the chin Then You pull up
the first rope until your eyes seem to be
on the point of rolling out of their sockets
and the blood in your veins fairly rroan-.
and on being convinced that you cant
pull 1t any further without crippling your
self for life, you catch hold of the next


rope and draw that up, and grunt. Theu


you move along to the next, and pull THAI


up, and grunt again. Just as you have


got To the middle and com menced to think


that you are about through, even il. yot,r


Joints will never again sci as they did be-


fore, you some way or other miss the con-


nection, and find that you have got to go


back and do it ali over. Here you pause


for a few minutes of oforacular refieshment


then slowly and carefully work yoar way


back. You don't jump down and walk


back, because you are afraid 10 spread out


in THAI way again. You sort OF waddle


back, working the way inch by inch, and


with consummate patience. \ man thus
stretched across Il bed-teai never becomes
so excited rs 10 lose his presence OF mind.


1t would be instant death to him if he did
! Then he goes over il again, waddling and
pulling, eruaning and grunting, while hi,
wife moves around with the lamp and tell,
him TO take il easy and not scratch the
bedstead any more than he can help, and
that she can't tell which creaks the most.
he or the bedstead. And after he gets
through she | =, the audacity to ask him to
| bring in the feather beds. In the dead of
night that man will steal up to that room
and look at that bcdstead and swear.