smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1871

Apropos to an article going the
rounds under the above heading, an
exchange presents the following
legend:


Once upon time after the de
mise of one of the corps editorial,
he presented himself at the gate of
the Golden City, and requested ad
mission. The door-keeper asked
him what had been his occupation
while on terra trina? He replied
he had been an editor.


"Well," said the watchman, I'VE
have a crowd of your kind here now,
and they all came in as dead heads.'
If you pay your passage you can
come in; if not, you must place
yourself under the control of a per-
sonage you ruled tyrannically down
below'-meaning the devil.


Not having the wherewith to go
in, our brother of the quill and
scissors posted of, and presented
himself at the entrance of Clootie's
dark domains. A very darkroom
plexioned gentleman stood sentry,
and asked in gruff voice:


"Who comes?


can humble disciple of Faust"
was the calm reply.


"Then hold on, you can't be ad-
mitted," exclaimed the gentleman in
black, evincing considerable agita-
tion, and fiercely scowling upon
him.


"Why not?" demanded the typo,
who began to get some huffish, and
looked around for "sheep's foot
with which to force an entrance.


"Well, SIR" replied his sable
majesty, "we let one of your pro
fession in here many years ago, and
he kept up continual row with his
former delinquent subscribers, and
as we have more of that class of
persons here than any other we have
passed law prohibiting the admis
sion of any editors, only those who
have advanced our interest in their
papers on earth, and even those we
keep in a separate room by them
selves. You have published many
things operating against us, and al
WAYS blamed the devil with every
thing that went wrong, so you can't
come in. We enforce this rule with
out respect to persons, for our own
peace and safety. Now travel"


Casting q droll lear on the out
side sentinel, our typographical
friend started on again, determined
to get above. This time he took
with him an old file of his paper,
and presenting it to the guardian OF
the celestial city, requested that it
might be carefully examined, and
they could see whether he was en-
titled to a free ticket. In due course
of time the conductor came along
and took him in, telling him that he
had been a martyr to the cause OF
human improvement, and that reso-
lutions had been passed to admit all
members of the "art preserYative"
; who had abused the devil while be-
low. He added that as they were
punished enough by being with the
'devil," all their future punishment
| is committed. He further stated
that not one delinquent newspaper
subscriber could be found in Heaven.
Year: 1871

The candidates for governor OF Massachusetts,
or rather, for the republican nomination, are
getting to be numerous. A paper up in Hamp-
shire county proposes Secretary Warner for the
Office. This may be taken to mean at least that
Mr.. Warner will not again be a candidate for
the Office of secretary OF state. IL appears to be
true, after ALL that Gen. Butler will compete
with DIR. Loring for the nomination, and be-
tween them they will doubtless make Essex
county rather lively, If our Boston friends
mean to carry ont some such programme as
that already indicated by some OF them, they
ought TO have one or two candidates for every
ward in their city and several at large. Should
they unite on one Boston man who is known
throughout the state, such a man, for instance,
as Mr.. Jewell, they might get him nominated,
and somebody else would be defeated. There
fore, let them by all means divide their strength
and throw away their influence This is good
way to help other candidates.


The weather is getting to be warm, and they
must allow us to look on and watch the motions.
There will be something to study. We hear
little or nothing of candidates for the other
state offices, OF course there will be change
throughout excepting in the office of treasurer,
which the present incumbent has held only since
the beginning of the present year. But, just
now, the talk is confined mostly to candidates
for governor; and it has not yet got much be-
yond the candidates themselves and their i'm
mediate friends.
Year: 1871

have sent to England for smoke burning loco
motives, which are now about ready to be test
ed; but their success is doubtful, from the
fact that though they may consume the smoke
they must still create a vast quantity of heavy
carbonic acid gas, which would still make the
costly tunnel a mere death trap to the traveller.
AS the Mont Gents tunnel is bored through a
mountain of solid rock, which rises thousands
of feet above the level of the oritice it will, of
course, be impossible to provide ventiating
shafts from above, and the problem is left to be
worked out upon new principles; and as the
Hoosac tunnel in this country promises some
similar difficulties, the success of the French en-
gineers at Mont Gents will be watched with
deem interest.
Year: 1871

The TROUBLE AT Mont CENIs.-Hardly
has the failure Of the Suez canal been announc-
ed, when there comes the story of grave and
unfortunate difficulty which threatens to
seriously impair, if not altogether destroy, the
value Of the Mont Gents tunnel. The tunnel
cannot be ventilated, and notwithstanding every
effort, it remains filed with cloud Of foul
gases, through which no man can ride with
safety. Out of three engine drivers who were
employed on the trial trip, two died on the en-
gine before it could accomplish the passage,
and the third was restored to consciousness
only with the EXTREMIST difficulty.


This is the real cause of the long delay in
opening the railway through Mont Cents, and
will fully answer the thousand questions which
have been asked since the worlzmen from the
opposite side met each other and exchanged
greetings many weeks ago. The engineers,
meantime, have been at work trying to devise
means for driving the engine smoke out Of the
tunnel. Fans and pumps have been tried, but
the amout of gas and smoke poured out by a
single locomotive In that subterranean run of
eight miles forms volume which it requires
two or three days to expel. Failing in this, they
Year: 1871

In state bonds the only features were a stronger
feeling in the Tennessees and further rise in Mis-
souri, SKIES which sold at 984, and offered less
than 9S4 at the close


The gold Market after hesitation at ll24, with
sales alternately at this figure and at per
and beow it. suddenly advanced to ll2H closing very
strong at that price The rise due to the small In
of specie In the banks and to the
that the specie shipment of the week has been nearly
$1OOO0 Money is very easy at % per cent Stocks
Year: 1871

TIE BoNAPARTEs AND THE FRENCH. The
ex-Emperor Napoleon declares his belief that
the government of the French republic is weak
and 'inadequate to the wants Of the country.
Prince Napoleon travelling to Marseilles ran in
danger Of being made prisoner by the French
people at Valence. He was forced to show
his safe conduct pass from the Theirs Cabinet,
and was subsequently Kissed from the town.
This was certainly pretty strong action, and
If the republic of France truly represents the
people of the country it should not lack tone
and force, as the ex-ruler alleges it does.
Year: 1871

Congress next year on the honesty policy.
Why, then, should Foley be left out in the
cold? Here is another splendid opportunity
for the Tammany democracy to set themselves
right before the people and to prove their dis
interested patriotism and fearlessness of in
vestigation. Let them at once nominate John
Foley for Register and run him upon the capi-
tai Of his great injunction. This will be dis
play of magnanimity unequalled in the history
Of politics, and magnificent enough to cast
halo round the head of the we'll known Indian
who at present looks so gloomy and despond-
ent over the roof of the old Wigwam.
Year: 1871

he thought, no doubt that while 1t might be
an innocent tub Of meal there might be cat
concealed in 1t, and he declined to touch it.
But why should the Pope of Rome look to the
Protestant Emperor Of Germany as his special
friend in the midst of his present heavy mis-
fortunes? 1t is for the reason that ever since
Napoleons proclamation of war against Prus-
sia the King and Emperor William has shown
toward the Pope a warmer sympathy than any
other European sovereign; and it is because
the Emperor William has taken the place of
the Emperor Napoleon as the arbiter of
Europe.


Yet this entente cordiale between the Catho-
lie Pope and the hereto Kaiser is one Of the
most remarkable facts Of modern times. Look
at that arch hereto, DR.. Dollinger, turning the
whole German empire upside down with his
agitation against Papal infallibility, and the
Kaiser and all his subordinate kings backing
him up! Look at Bismarck, laughing in his
sleeve over Dollinger's ''Old Catholic" nom
sense, and watching the hedging of Theirs for
the Bourbons and the Pope with the keen eye
of q fish hawk? What can the Holy Father
expect from such o nest of heretics? And
why should the infallible appeal to the fallible?
1t is because human affairs must be managed
through human agencies, and because the EN-
peror William and Bismarck are at the head of
these agencies in European affairs 1t is said
that nothing bat misfortune to the Pope has
followed this dogma of infallibility. This is
true; and yet it may prove to be good thing
for the Pope and the Church if wisely exer-
cised. For example: If the Pope Is infallible
in refusing any compromise with Italy he will
be infallible all the same in accepting CON-
promise. Therein lies the strength and the
great beauty Of this splendid dogma. 1t meets
all cases; it comes right side up every time;
and we expect yet, through the good Offices of
the German Emperor and his great Chancellor,
that the Holy Father will be reconciled to
Rome under the temporal power of Italy, with
contingent fund from the State of six hun
dred thousand year. Let us have this set
tlement of the Roman question, and even Dol
linger will be upset on Papal infallibility.
Year: 1871




In another place in the HERALD of this
morning will be found despatch from Salt
Lake City, Utah, giving condensed account
of the trial and conviction of Hawkins
The penalty prescribed by the Utah statute
for adultery is Imprisonment for not over
twenty years nor less than three years, or
fine of not over 81, 600, or both fine and i'm
prisonment. Time was allowed to prepare q
motion for a new trial; in the meantime the
accused was taken into custody by the
United States Marshal. Hawkins is one of the
prominent men in the Mormon community.
His case is important, from the fact that it is
the first case which has been brought to
legal and judicial test. It is fair, we think, to
call it the test case.


Brigham Young and Cannon and others
have been indicted, but from some cause or
other their cases have been delayed. The
case Of Hawkins was permitted to be pushed
perhaps as much with the consent Of the Nor
| mons as with the desire of the United States
| authorities. Hawkins was charged by his
| first wife with adultery. The evidence had





the principal witness. She had borne her
husband, she said, seven children before he
took to himself another wife. But her hus-
bands wants had not been met by second
wife; be had since married q third.
To have third wife-the first and the second
being alive-we should have regarded as q
small offence in Utah, where wives, by q
single gentleman, are sometimes cared for up to
the number of twenty, and by the privileged
even to larger figure. The evidence did
not show, although in the estimation Of an
impartial Court it would be of some value,
how far the first Mrs. Hawkins originally con-
doned her loving but dissatisfied husbands
marrying propensities 1t leaves us perfectly in
the dark as to whether Mrs. Hawkins-a Nor
mon in faith and practice-suffered from
younger aud more attractive rivals, or as to
whether the ''green-eyed monster" which
was known in Shakspeare's and Abraham's
times, finds any place in Utah.


We have but little sympathy with Hawkins
ing liking. for fair play. Poor Hawkins is
victim. But then the twin relic of barbarism
was doomed, and Hawkins ought to be con-
soled by the fact that his name will live in
history. The wedge is now intr oduced, and
Mormon polygamy is doomed. Hawkins has
been convicted, so will Cannon, and so will
brigham Young and the others. That it
should be SO no one regrets. Mormon poly
gamy was stain upon our American civiliza-
ton. 1t ought to have been wiped out long
ago. But then, while we are pushing the poor
Mormons to the wall, why should we be so in
different to the Oneida Community and the
other free love associations which exist in the
midst of us? Fair play is jewel. Let us
be just all round.
Year: 1871

1t is said that the hogs that have been
marketed during the recent packing sea-
son were of better quality than those of
any former season. Farmers are begin
ming to pay more attention to the breed
ing and management of swine, but there
is still room for improvement in the selec-
ton of the most improved breeding ami
mails, the construction Of pens, and the
preparation Of food. Sufficient attention
is not paid to the wants of the animals in
summer they are in many places left to
depend entirely on clover and grass, get
no grain and have no defence from the
heat of the sun, or from rain. When a
hog is roaming at large, he is his own
physician, and selects such plants, etc,
as are remedies for his diseases. Swine
are particularly fond of plants which con-
tain large proportion of sulphur. Com
mon mustard, or few plants ofwild mus
tard, will supply this. Radishes and the
top rind Of the rutabage contain sulpher,
and may be used with good effect The
peculiar smell Of horse radish arises from
the sulphurous volatile oil in it. When
hogs are shut up in yard or pen, they
should be supplied with preventives of
the diseases to which they are subject
A mixture of earth and chalk should al
ways be within reach. Coal ashes OR
powdered charcoal are essential. Salt
should be given daily in small quantities.
A few grains of nitre are beneficial in
warm weather. Sulphur in some shape
should always be available. Perfect clean
illness should be observed, and regularity
in feeding, etc. Now that cheese fac
tories are becoming so general, it is i'm
portant for farmers to know that when
and barley meal make excellent fattening
food for swine Western Rural.
Year: 1871

The authorities of ST. Louis are Just
now in quandary over some sort of "a be-
ing that is capable Of transforming itself
into both man and woman (to all outward
appearance), at pleasure. This remark
able parsonage represents both man and
woman, as occasion or convenience may
require. His Cor herr advent in st. Louis
began with renting elegant apartments
for himself and sister. The next day the
sister was found in the room, but was not
seen to enter. She said her brother had
gone out, and would be in towards even
ing and pay the rent. Watch was kept
for the coming of the brother, but he
came not. During the vigil of the land
lady the brother was seen to go out, who
informed her that he had given the money
to his sister, but upon repairing to the
room no sister could be found Still Ia
ter the brother came in, and the sister
was seen to 90 out, she telling the same
story of her brother, but no brother could
be found in the rooms, neither could the
parties be found together. This kind of
farce was enacted for several days, when
the lady Of the house thinking she had
been bewitched applied to the police for
succor, but they could not fnd the broth
er in, and falling in getting her rent, the
landlady caused the removal Of her mys-
terious tenant She next turned up at a
hotel where she "sponged" dinners one
|. day as a young man, and next day as
woman. He, she, or rather it, was then
arrested and subjected to a medical ex-
animation, but even that failed to solve
the mystery. The doctors looked wise,
and shook their heads, declaring their
inability to give correct information in
regard to its sex. The matter is still be-
ing investigated in the meantime he is
allowed to don such apParelas she chooses,
license being given it to that effect,
Year: 1871

When an animal is found licking its
fellow, it is proof that uneasiness is pres
ent in the stomach, and the licking of his
neighbor is habit contracted by instinct,
with view to removing the unpleasant
ness. Unfortunately, instinct is not suf-
Gcent at all times to avoid dangerous
practices, and if we take for granted that
the stomach is at all times charged with
acrid matter, we shall, without hesitation,
find remedy. 1t is only necessary to
place within their reach shallow troughs,
in which is kept a supply of common
chalk If an animals has a supcrabund-
ance of acrid matter, it will most certain
ly neutralize the excess OF acid. Il an
animals has not acid in excess, aud par
takes of chalk, it will do no harm. 1t is
often too late to administer remedies to
young stock, and the placing of chalk
within their reach cannot be made too
early.
Year: 1871

slons and with this advice to you have
done. | feel that [ cannot fully express
my gratitude to you for all the kindness
you have manifested towards me, and the
heartfelt desire | have that your ways
may be ways of pleasantness, that your
lives may be prosperous, and that your
eyes at last may close upon your country
Tree, and your children standing erect,
proud representative of the grand old
Commonwealth of Georgia. Great and
prolonged applause
Year: 1871

The almanacs are away out of all track
of the weather. They promised US for
the spring now drawing to close, about
three times as many rainy days as we
have far succeeded in getting from the
weather clerk. This calls forcibly to
mind the aphorism of Arago, that "no
astronomer in Europe would stake his
reputation a day ahead on the weather.
Year: 1871

Mr.. Davis is making tour of the
Southern States, and speaks to excited
crowds at every important place. The
South is awakening under his inspiration
and the tempest is brewing The follow
ing passages in his late speech at Atlanta
Will be read with interest by those who
imagine that there is any sincerity in the
democratic professions of "new de-
parture
Year: 1871

It is said that to impart an excellent
green color to pickles they must be first
covered with boiling hot saltwater, and
after a short time the water poured off
and the pickles drained They are then
to be placed in an earthen pot and cover
ed with boiling vinegar, the top put on,
and the whole kept at lukewarm tempera-
ture for long time, the vinegar being
poured off every day, heated to boiling,
and turned again upon the pickles. This
is to be continued until the color is a
beautiful green. The vinegar used in
this process is then to be poured off aud
replaced by fresh, and the jar closed
tightly. This method of coloring is per-
fectly harmless, although the result is as
bright green as that of verdigris.
Year: 1871

A Haverhill man who lately lost his
pocketbook with ninety dollars in it, has
to console himself with this anonymous
note from the finder: Slam poor man,
and my health is poor. and it seems to me
that you last that money to benefit me.
Therefore / shall borrow it. or most of it.
I send you back four dollars and the
change. You are rich and profess to be a
Christian. claim to belong to the same
family. Ifthe Lord blesses me, will re-
pay you all, if l can ;if not, you mustlook
to the Lord for il.
Year: 1871

A SERIOUS JoKE.-The other day an
excessively humorous Canadian came upon
a small snake in the woods. and, carefully
entrapping it, waited until night, and pia-
ced it between the sheets of an old gentle
mans bed. The victim retired as usual,
and had barely covered himself when the
reptile began to crawl over him. Pa-aly-
zed with horror; he lay still until the
snake had left him, and then, half dead
with terror, fed from the bed and around
the house. He was told that the affair
was Intended as joke. and the author
was designated. That idiotic scamp took
counsel of discretion, fed the town, and
has not yentured to return, though bis
absence costs him fine position and his
home.
Year: 1871

HIS HEAD WAS LEvEL.-A New York
wholesale grocer, who had become rich in
his business, has lately made the following
revelation. He says his rule always was
when he sold bill of goods on credit, TO
Immediately, subscribe for the local paper
of his debtor. So long as his customer
advertised literally and vigorously, he
rested, but as soon as he began to contract
his advertising space, he took the fact as
evidence that there was trouble ahead, and
he invariably went for his debt. For
said he, ''the man who feels too poor to
make his business" This Withdrawing OF
an advertisement is an evidence of weak
ness that business men are not slow to oh
serve.
Year: 1871

The North Adams, Massachusetts,, Chin
aman shoemakors appear to be getting
along we'll. An apprenticeship Of four
weeks enable the Cinnamon to manufacture
good marketable shoe, and they ara now
said to be equal in respect to dexterity
and rapidity of work to most ofthe natives
who have served a much longer apron
ticeship. Many of them have adopted our
dress and all are more or less advanced in
the Hnowledgc of the English language
and sAmerican civilization. Their orderly
habits have done much to dispel the preju-
dice originally existing against them. and
the announcement that they arc soon to be
joined BY fifty more of their country
is received without protest or indignation.
Year: 1871

IT WOULD RESPECTFULL CALL
i the attention of my Patrons and the
public generally. to my stock of Boots
and Shoes which | am selling very low
for Cash. L am making Boots
With shanks of steel and fancy toe
My French calf Boots are all the go;
OF the best stock that's in the trade,
BY first-class workmen they are made.
L make every style to fit the foot;
A Webster Tie, a Congress Boot;
In this town, there is not n feller,
Can beat the styles of III. i. MILLER.
And Ladies, if you'll give me a call,
I'll fit your foot if large or small;
With the best material you get no trash,
1 am selling cheap for ready Cash.
My French kid boots are very nice,
They are high in style, but low in price,
And for ready money between you and |,
At my Shoe Store is the place to buy.
My store is small, but my stock is nice
OF every style and of every price;
On the shelves if there's nothing suits


your taste,


BY leaving your measure, they'll be made


in haste.


If your Boots are worn at the heel or toe,
To my Shoe Store is the place to go;
i will make them look as nice as a top,
If you leave them IN at my Shoe Shop,


III. p. MILLER,
On Main Street, next door.to Post-of-
fee, Jonesboro, Tenn. june22ns3. j
Year: 1871

done, it would be folly to try it. Breed
for pay the same as work for pay or feed
fer pay. Do not throw away your labor
on worthless stock, but select the kind
suited to your condition and the condi-
tion of the country, for I am sure we
must make things pay better in this coun-
try or VIC will go under. TYLER.