Year: 1871

/ n C1VhIs
How a Vermontcr Punished a Batter


Thief.


One winter evening country store
keeper in the Green Mountain State
was about closing up for the night,
and while standing in the snow out
side, putting up the window shutters
saw through the glass lounging,
worthless fellow within, grab pound
of butter from the shelf and conceal
it in is hat.


The act was no sooner detected
than the revenge was hit upon, and a
very few minutes found the Green
Mountain storekeeper at once indulg-
ing his appetite for fun to the fullest
extent and, paying off the thief with
facetious sort of torture, for which
he would have gained premium from
the old Inquisition.


81 say Seth," said the storekeeper,
coming i'll and closing the door after
him, slapping his hand over his
shoulders and stamping the snow off
his feet.


Seth had his hand on the door, his
hat on his head, and the roll of but
ter in his hat anxious to make his
exit as soon as possible. 81 say, Seth,
sit down; l reckon now on such
a cold night as this a little some
thing warm would not hurt fel-
low"


| Seth felt very uncertain he had
the butter and was exceedingly anx-
ions to be off, but temptation of some
thing warm sadly interfered with his
resolution to 90. This hesitation how
ever was soon settled by the ri ght
owner of the butter taking Seth by
the shoulder and planting him in a
seat close to to the stove, where he
was in such manner concerned in BY
the boxes and barrels that while the
grocer stood before him, there was no
possibility of getting out, and right in
this very place sure enough the store
keeper sat down.


Seth, we'll have a little warm
Santa Cruz" said the Green Noun
tain Grocer; so he opened the stove
door and stuffed in as many sticks as
the place would admit, without it
you'd freeze going home such night
as this.


Seth already felt the butter settling
down closer to his hair, and he jumped
up declaring he must go.


"Not until you have something warm.
Seth, Seth, come, I've got story to
tell you," and Seth was agained rush.
ed into his seat by his cunning tormen-
| tor


"Oh. its so hot here" said the
pretty thief attempting to rise.


''Sit down-don't be in hurry"
retorted the grocer, pushing him back
into his chair.


"But I've got the COWS to fodder,
and the wood to split, and must be
going" said the prosecuted chap.


"But you mustn't tear yourself
away, Seth, in such manner. Sit
down, let the cows take care ct them
selves, and keep yourself COOL said
the the roguish grocer with a wicked
leer.


The next thing WIS the production
of two smoking glasses of hot toddy,
the very sight of which, in Seth's pres
ent situation, would have made the
hair stand erect upon his head had it
not been well oiled and kept down by
the butter


"Seth, l will give you toast, now,
and you can butter it for yourself"
said the grocer, with an air of much
consummate simplicity, that poor Seth
believed himself unsuspected. "Seth,
here's-here's a Christmas goose, well
roasted, eh q? l tell you it's the greatest
eating in creation And Seth, don't
you never use hogs fat, or common
cooking butter, to baste it with; come
take your butter, l mean Seth, take
your tody.


Poor Seth now began to smoke, as
well as melt, and his mouth was her
metrically sealed up, as though he had
been born dumb. Streak after streak
of butter came pouring from under
his hat, and bis handkerchief was az
ready soaked with the greasy over
flow. Talking away, as if nothing
was the matter, the fun.loving grocer
kept stuffing wood into the stove, while
poor Seth sat upright, with his back
against the counter, and his knees
almost touching the red hot furnace
before.


"Cold night, this" said the grocer.
"Why Seth, you seem to perspire as if
YOU we're warm? Why don't you take
your hat off? Here, let me put your
hat away"


"No," exclaimed poor Seth, at last.
"No, l must go, let me out, amt well,
let me 60"


a greasy cataract was now pouring
down the poor mans face and neck,
and soaking into his clothes, and
trickling down his body into his boots
so that he was literally in perfect
bath of oil.


"Well, good night, Seth," said the
humorous Vermonter "if you will
go;" and adding as he darted out of
the door, 81 say Seth, l reckon the
fun l have had of you is worth nine
pence, so 1 shan't charge you for that
pound of butter in your hat"