Year: 1871

glass of water and he will lift your
goblet to see if there is stamp for
him. Ask the landlord to point you
out the places of interest, and you will
find it in your bill. In fact, if you
draw an extra breath you will have it
to pay for.


know all this, and yet I sometimes
get weak enough to be fashionable
But day or two generally enables me
to get weaned, and the hotel proprie-
tors to get my bottom dollar.


I felt weak last week. somehow
found myself in the possession of
few dollars. They burned my pocket.
l longed to be fashionable, but after
man has been swindled few times he
does not feel easy, if he has any mon
ey. until he has placed himself in po-
sition to be ''worked."


I went to Long Branch. The mo-
ment l landed felt uneasy until some
one tackled me. [ bought four cent
paper, and paid twenty-five cents for
it. This made me feel trifie lighter
Then boy took a dollar for blacking
my boots, and [ began to feel as
though had not lived in vain.


got into a coach to be taken to a
hotel. Five dollars was all the driver
would take for furnishing me this
transport. 1 afterwards learned that
this was his first season at Long
Branch, and he had not fairly got into
the swindling business.


A waiter crossed my path, glanced
at him and he charged me dollar
[ sought the clerk of the hotel and
asked to register my name. That
cost me ten dollars, and 1 began to
think it would take at least week to
break me if the charges were not high
,er than what 1 thus far experienced.


The clerk took the cube root Of my
pocket book, and concluded that he
could absorb it in a day or two; and
so he gave me q room On the ninth
story, back.


L went out to see the sights. A six
inland drove mGestically past. 1
asked waiter who it belonged to, and
he told me that it would cost me just
two dollars to learn that. This was
the regular price for six-in-h hands. [
passed.


I sought the sea ,girt shore. I found
that the shore part had washed over,
board. 1 went to shanty and asked
for a bathing suit. I got one, but [
had to leave my own clothes with the
leader for security, and find two hon
est men for bondsmen, to make sure
that [ would return the rig and not
get drowned


[ attempted to take billow. The
back action of that billow was none
better than my forward motion. In
short, it went out from under me, and
1 went sprawling in the sand.


But a second one came to my rescue
and took me in. 1t also took me out
to sea a few rods. I concluded I
could see better on shore, and so went
out.


1 changed clothes with the bath
house man. lie had watched me
through a crack in his shanty, and
wanted dollar extra for my falling
into the sand instead Of taking that
billow. paid him for such luxu-
rirs are costly, to say nothing of the
wear and tear.


l fixed up and felt better. I was
on the point OF retiring, when the
man said [ had rubbed the revenue
stamp from the seat of the pantaloons,
which it would cost dollar to replace.
1 gave him a dollar What right had
I to swindle the Government?


7 sought summer house on the
bluff, 1 saw bluff old Josh Billings
there looking thoughtful. 1 placed
my hand in his, and asked him how he
felt. He said he had long since ceased
to feel. The walters were doing all
that business at Long Branch. l soon
learned that they had taken away his
last good dollar, and he was now wait
ing to see if they would take away a
few bad ones that he had received
while lecturing. But he began to fear
that they had a method in their mad l.
ness, and refuse anything but good
money and a good deal of it.


We condoled and philosophical
We went to hotel to see q mutual
friend. The boot black said it was
against the rules for anybody 10 enter
the place without having their boots
brushed. He brushed US, and busted
out two dollars for doing it.


It only took one day to make me
homesick. Josh had been there
week, and said he should stay another
if he could convert his Fifth Avenue
house into cash.


There's nothing like being fashiona
BILE, and being swindIed in fashiona-
ble way; and if you have any money,
why, for heavens sake, encourage
those fellows who, like mosquitoes,
olly get q chance at YOU once year.