smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

How He Cor INTO BUSINESS "A
matchmaker at Florence, Alabama, once
told us how he managed to get into bus
iness there. He settled in the place a
stranger, just after the people had started
a new town clock in the tower of the
court house, but nobody came TO give
him job. A week or two passed on
without improving his prospects, when
in kind of desperation he determined to
make bold strike for business. Every
body swore by the town clock, OF course,
a fact which our matchmaker knew so
after night he made his way into the
tower and changed the hands few min
utes. Heard nothing of it on the day
following, and so changed them again
the next night. On the morning attel
the second change had beon made, man
called on the matchmaker and spoke o.
employing him TO regulate the town clock
/ but the matchmaker told him he thought
no regulation was necessary, as he hao
noticed that the clock was running exact
ly with his time, and drawing forth bis
watch, he compared it with the clock
and sure enough they were exactly to-
gether. Next morning the town clock
and the watches Of the place were further
apart than usual, and the gentleman who
called at the watch shop the day before
now again presented himself accompanied
by several friends. To their great sur.
prise they found the watchmaker's reg.
ulator and watch still exactly with the
clock, and that settled the question. They
all left their watches to be cleaned, re-
marking that they would rather have no
watches at all than watches that did not
keep time. The news spread other ir-
regular watches came in by the score un-
til, before the day was over, the watch
maker had the windows hung entirely
full Of work.
Year: 1876

THE New York Mail says that many
of the brown stockings worn by ladies
are so poisonous as to endanger life.-
Those who wear them assume an unlovely
yellow color. You've got your cue now,
dear reader. When you see a lady friend
assume an unlovely color, you should
pull her stockings right off, and light out
for stomach pump.-Ddnbu'y Ne'cs.
Year: 1876

THE KIND OF HAIR-PIN SHE WAS
A young woman who seems to be opposed
to girls being taught to sew, writes as
follows to the Woman's Journal: "Some
months since a gentleman of Ithaca said,
in quite a company, mean to offer a
prize for the best shirt made by the lady
students of the university IL you do,
1 rejoined impulsively, 1 will offer a
an equal one for the best chemise made
by male student. 1t is poor rule that
won't work both ways
Year: 1876

THE country storekeeper said "Here
my friend, those balls OF butter l bought
Of you last week all proved to be JUS
three ounces Of pound to short - AnG
the farmer innocently answered "Well
| don't see how that could be, for l used
one OF your pound bars of soap for q
weight"
Year: 1876

UTTERLY SoLD-He had made a
hearty meal at restaurant and getting
up, be said TO the waiter, ~ declare |
lave frgotten my purse !" The waiter
fired up and hurled big words at him for
full three minutes before pausing for
breath. When a chance came, the strang-
er continued, But have a five dollar
bin here in my waistcoat." The waiter
couldn't smile to save his life.
Year: 1876

Feeding the sparrows, playing with
children, or vacantly surveying the pass
ing throng in Madison square, a man
who once made much fruitless noise in
the world, but who is now as quiet as
mute-George Francis Train-may be
seen daily enjoying the sunshine and
possibly turning in his own mighty mind
many schemes for the benefit of man.
kind. The once irrepressible George has
become almost as silent as the grave.
The Vesuvian fire that was wont to make
a thunderous crater OF him seems TO have
burned itself out. He has apparently
come to the condition of the jolly old
miller of the song, who cared for nobody,
no not he, and nobody cared for him.
He now contents himself with passing
his days in Madison square and his
nights in Turkish bath establishment
near by, in which he boards. He has
grown gray, but it is evident that the
quiet life he leads agrees with him, forbe
il falling into flesh and looking strong
and hearty. Since his release from the
Tombs where, as he insists, he was kept
90 long through the influence OF Ply
mouth church, he has eschewed public
affairs altogether, and not even once an
nounced himself candidate for presi-
dent. A few months ago he joined the
noble army Of bankrupts, and stated in
court that his wife pays his board, but
the financial reverse does not seem TO
prey on his mind to any great extent.
He looks happy enough at all events,
and his life during the past couple
of yeass IL the smoethest he has ever
known. -
Year: 1876

How TO MAKE MIsCHIEF.--keep your
eye on your neighbors. Take care OF
them. Do not let them stir without
watching. They may do something
wrong if you do. To be sure you never
knew them to do anything very bad, but
it may be on your own account they
have not. Perhaps If it had not been
Tor your kind care they might have dis.
graced themselves long ago. Then do
not relax in your efforts to keep them
where they ought to be. Never mind
your own business-that will take care
Of itself If you find any symptoms Of
any one passing out of the path of duty,
tell everyone else what you see, and be
particular to see great many. 1t is u
good way to circulate such things, thoue h
!. may not benefit yourself or anyone
particularly. Do keep something going
silence is dreadful thing. 1t is said
there was silence in heaven for the space
OF half an hour. Do not let any such
thing occur ON earth. 1t would be too
much for this mundane sphere.
Year: 1876

WHEN you reflect that at picnics a
hundred years ago it was the custom for
the girls to stand up in a row and let the
men kiss them good..by, all this enthu-
siasm about national progress seems to
be grave mistake.
Year: 1876

WORK ON THE REsERvoIR.-Wed-
nesday morning Chief Engineer Ruth
placed force of 1870 men at work on
the new reservoir. The men are now
engaged in preparing to complete the
drainage of the basin, after which the
bottom of the reservoir will be graded,
and pudding operations commenced.
Teams were put on this morning, to
haul the pudding clay from the south
side to the reservoir. The pudding
will be followed by the brick lining -
Workmen are still engaged in laying
the water main along Market street


from 10Th to 18th, Ninth Ward. The
bed sfthe street, In this square is very
rocky, and nearly all of the pipe
trench has 10 be blasted in the rocks
Year: 1876

OF.TCER JONES. When the police
pay roll was about to be passed by
Council, last evening. Mayor White
ley, by request, stated the circumslan-
ces of the recent accident by Which
officer Jones was rendered unable TO
perform his duty. He said that the
officers duties had been performed by
the other officers of the District, and
no extra appointment made. He hoped
Council would allow the officer his
months salary. and Council did so.-
Officer Jones is now recovering rapid
ly and will be able to go on duty in q
few weeks.
Year: 1876

SENT TO JAIL-This morning, James
Stewart, for vagrancy, was sentenced
to a sixty days residence at New
Castle, and officer Cannon took him
over. This was the only case on this
mornings police record,
Year: 1876

so high, so sacred, as to seem to range
above the term general welfare" The
promotion of peace. goodwill and iraternal
affection among the people of our own
country are matters above value, above
commerce and trade, and which will be
promo ed by these ceremonies.


As for the authority Of precedents which
would authorize the appropriation, we can
say to the World that they are too numer-
Gus for mention. Senator Bayard, of Del
aware, IN the last Congress. presented the
array of these precedents which we forbear
to insert at this writing, remarking only
that Congress has as much right to appro-
pirate money to Centennial celebration
within the limits of the United States, and
in honor of the Declaration of Independ-
ence, as it had to appropriate money for the
exhibitions at London, Paris and Vienna,
or for an Arctic expedition, or to erect an
Observatory in Washington city, or the
Agricultural Department, or to furnish
vessels to convey food to the famishing in
habitants of another country-lreland, for
instance. We are inclined to agree with
the late Chief Justice Woodward, an emi-
nent jurist of Pennsylvania, that "the right
"of the Government TO use money from
"the common treasure to illustrate its own
history or exhibit its own progress and
achievements is so clear that no question
"Of constitutional right can rise in regard
"to it. The Government that could not
do that much to promote its own dignity
cor protect its own life could not create an
"oiiice of any kind or authorize one to be
filled" But enough. We do not intend
to follow the bad example of the Word, and
teach constitutional law ourselves
Year: 1876

The New York World is teaching con-
stitutional law. Of course it understands
the Constitution good deal better than all
the lawyers, judges and generals now in
the Congress of the United States. 1t is no
presumption for it to tell Congress what
the Constitution means. 1t would be quite
too generous in the World to allow men,
bers of Congress to judge of that question
by themselves underltheir oath. The we'll
known infallibility of the World on leading
questions renders its present discussion of
the Centennial bill Of the greatest import
ance. 1t strikes US, if we had many news
papers as well trained in the law as the


World assumes TO be, there would not be
much use for ''courts below" or for courts
above. 1t would deal out justice with an
even hand. While feigning to be very
anxious for the triumph of the great ma
tional jubilee, it regrets that Congress has
not the constitutional power to carry it
through. We will undertake to furnish


from the columns ofthe World itself, within
the last year, conclusive evidence that the
proposed appropriation for the Centennial
comes within the letter of the Constitution,
for it has shown clearly that the Centennial
celebration will promote the general well
fare" We do not care to dwell at length
on this point, ror do we pretend to teach
constitutional law, but il will be an easy
task to show that the Centennial celebra-
ton, by means of an international exhibit
ton of all foreign nations with our own
country, could not fail to be work that
would promote the general welfare" If
education promotes the general welfare
the Centennial is clear of constitutional
embarrassment, for it will impart
lessons of the greatest value. If
imparting to the American people knowl-
edge of the nationalilies, Of the habits,
customs, production and means Of pro-
duction of foreign countries, of their attain
ments IN art and science and discovery, be
not a means of promoting welfare, we can
not imagine what would accomplish that
work. II 81 100000 10 complete a work
that would bring from s2j,0O0,00O 10
S5G, ,000, coo from foreign countries 10 the
pockets of our people be not a means of
promoting their welfare, how shall it be
done? Thcre are other influences that are
Year: 1876

"WE arc here TO stay" This was the
retort of Ben Hill, of Georgia, to the Re


publican Representatives in the American
Congress, to whose maguanimity Mr.. Hill
owes his present position. How are the
liberty loving people OF the North to man
age this Confederate power thus within the
UniGn How arc we to prevent it from
becoming a seCticna! influence as we'll as
sectional danger to the Union? That is
now the one supreme question IN American
politics Some one has said that it is
always the first step which costs Ger
tainly it is the first step which ''tells' in
any struggle, whether it be step forward
or q step backward. In the issues rs
formed between the Confederate Democ-
racy and the National Republican party
there can be no step backward. The re-
lection of the negro Senator from Louisi


una would be step backward, and in this
case { step doubly fatal to the party taking
Year: 1876

THE annual meeting of the stockholders
Of the Washington and Georgetown rail-
way was held yesterday as advertised. Mr.
Hart retired from the field in disgust, with
out entering the contest for the manage
ment of the property of the company; in
fac: did not put in an appearance. The
old board OF control was reelected, with
several very important changes, and the
policy of last year will be continued. Our
citizens may therefore be Congratulated
upon the prospect of a constant improve
ment in the stock and management of the
road The report of President Hurtshows
the property to be paying ole, and that
the business of the road is on the increase
in spite of the dull times and the construc-
ton of rival lines.
Year: 1876

WHEN Gen. Garfield denied yesterday
any responsibility for the definition of the
word perjury as found in Dictionaries, lie
made a grea. mistake. lie had before him
in the person of his intcrlOcutor, j. Ran
d0lph Tucker, a man who had served as
" Attorney General of Virginia from 1857
TO 1855 quote from the Congress
sional Directory-who had taken the oath
to support the Constitution of the United
States, and who therefore understood the
full meaning of the word in question. Mr..
Garfield should have retorted by asking
Dir. Tucker for his personal definition Of
the word, There is nothing like personal
experience to fix fact or a definition upon
ones mind
Year: 1876

THE abject oowardice displayed by the
Democrats in the House yesterday will do
them as much injury as would have fol-
lowed if they had pursued a bold, straight
forward and manly course. Messrs. Ran
dali, Kerr and others of the Northern wing
of that party had received telegraphic ad-
monit;oas from all sections of the North
that to continue the debate on the amnesty
question would be simple destruction to
their partisan interests. About forty ex-
Confederate members were desirous of
speaking TO the subject, but were choked
off by their more discreet leaders because
they knew that a further defense of the
Andersonville and kindred Atrocities would
only serve to rekindle the fires of patriot.
ism and true Republicanism throughout
the country. The Republicans were anx-
ious to have the debate go on, but were
overpowercd by the strength of the cow
ardly majority
Year: 1876

IT : a matter worthy OF note that while
Mr.. Blaine's speeches on the amnesty
question lave appeared promptly in the
procce dings of the House as printed in the
Record, those of MessrS Hill and Cox
have been withheld for revision. The ex-
PLANTATION of this is TO bc found in the fact
that these Democratic leaders are anxious
rot to have anything appear in print Off
cially which would expose their real senti-
mentr, and thereby injurc the character of
the Democracy in the Estimation of the
lOval T eople of the North.
Year: 1876

can, would be to yield his privilege to the
Opposition, and defy them to proceed with
the discussion. Let him throw this gaunt-
let at their feet, and see if any the thirty
odd Confederates who were choke off yes
terday will dare to taka up.
Year: 1876

NE. Ben Hill. yesterday declared that he
never had applied voluntarily to take re-
ncwcd oath Of allegiance to the United
States since his participation in the rebel
Ion. He dded that it would not have
humbicd lis pride to do so. No doubt he
was right. Nothing that We can imagine
could humble the pride of man who
filed bomb proof during the war, and
since then has devoted himself to the dis
graceful task of keeping alive the bitter
ness and aniDlositics of that strife.
Year: 1876

There will be no "Tomtit" party organized
in 1876. The Liberals are all manfully CON-
ing back into the Republican fold, except a
few black sheep, whose wool has always been
unclean and worthless.
Year: 1876

The disguised Democracy Low propose to
cover the Georgia Hill with The Wood Of New
York. But that will not avail The disguise
is so thin that even the Sunset Of Cox can lie
seen through it.
Year: 1876

Gushers have become silent; weakened
Republicans straigthen up and look more
manly; the true situation is beginning to be
realized by the North, and the popular Northern
political leader will hereafter be the man WHO
dares stand squerely on his feet and battle for
the cause of Republicanism and the legitimate
results of the war
Year: 1876

The Mississippi ex Confederates are again
asking to tc let alone, AMI there are some
week-kneed, water Drained, dyspeptic Repub-
licans just timid enough to concede to the de-
mand. But justice and right demand that
they shall not be let alone until they feel the
heavy force of a searching inves tigation that
VIII disclose to the country the violence,
fraud and infamous barbarities committed
during the last election.
Year: 1876

There are twenty millions Of people who
would patiently listen to any apology the
Bourbons OF the South have to make respect
ing their reasonable acts against the Union
and their terrible crimes against our brave
imprisoned soldiery, but that patience fags
when they attempt TO defend those crimes
which have maGe the civilized world shulder.
Year: 1876

THE SEASON OPENING


As will be seen by our advertising columns
this morning, the musical season is about TO
commence It will fairly open next week, with
q season Of Italian opera by the Strakosch
troupe at McVicker's Theatre. The troupe in
Year: 1876

Respecting the recent attack up
on Prof. Huxley in the Orbit, Bishop
Coke, of Western New York, as
sumes the entire responsibility for
the onslaught, and says:


"It is my duty to show my
countrymen what is coming upon
them, if they give themselves to such
blind guides; and this l shall not
cease to do-'whether they will
bear are forbear.' Let nobody pre-
tend to class me with those who
fear freedom of examination or the
possible results of science. / am
the grateful and admiring disciple
of true philosophers. In the pulpit
and elsewhere / have adopted the
conclusions of this same school, and
| have shown how it aids the gospel.
| have been led to the conviction
that, in all probability, Darwinian
science is fundamentally sound.
But thus far and no further The
bible is demonstrably true as well
as science; and he who rashly infers
a collision between them is a sciolist
and not a philosopher. = |
have no quarrel then with their
science; why shouldI? 1t furnishes
the theologian with new and bril-
liant evidences of the existence Of
the omnipotence of the only living
and true God-the self-existent God
of Revelation. But it is my duty,
as a divine, to begin where they can
60 no further, and to remind men
that force implies a prime mover,
and that law cannot be without q
law. giver. / bear a divine commits
sion, and | am not ashamed to speak
out for my Master. X Tan
glad to learn that l have with me
the sincere approval Of several EN-
inent scientific men. But in thi


business it is a small thing to bt
judged by any mans Judgment.
[ expect to give account at tht
judgment seat Of Christ, and l mean


by His help, to be faithful to Hi


cause and to His crown, and SO t.
do my duty in an ungodly worlt


that is soon to be burned up"
Year: 1876

dered from city to city in search
of work. This was a difficult
task, and after having exhausted
her small stock of money, she Sc
cured a minor position in female
seminary in Boston, Mass. This
she held but a few months, as her
manners were singular at times and
the scholars became afraid of her.
Next she secured an under teacher
ship in New York, and after the
faithful performance of her duties
for three years was discharged again.
She then went to Baltimore, thence
to Florida, and from there to Chi
cago, her misfortunes following her
to each city; and in the early part
Of this year she came to this city.
Here she found several friends, and
they, like herself, were in reduced
circumstances, but they took her
in and cared fur her. One night
during the past summer she was
prostrated in front of police head
quarters, and cared for by the
police until she could be returned
to her friends. Later she was a
victim of the heat again, and fell
one night in front of the National
Republican office, and was once
more cared for by the police and
then turned over to her friends


Yesterday she was found by the
officers Of the Fifth precinct wan
dering about the streets, hopelessly
insane. She was taken to the sta
ton and placed in a cell, where all
night long her pitiful screams could
he heard by persons passing. As
stated, she was sent to the asylum
to-day, and will there pass the re.
mainder of her unfortunate life,
obliyious of her troubles until death
comes to take her to that better
land, where her wanderings will
end. She is a comely-looking
woman, neatly. dressed, and not
withstanding her vacant stare an(
furrowed brow, one can see at 8
glance that she was raised in refine


ment and has seen better days.
Year: 1876

The following is from the Wash
ington Critic:


To-day there was sent to the
hospital for the insane white wo-
man named Sarah Perkins, whose
sad history will probably interest
many of our readers. Miss Perkins
is the daughter of a once wealthy
Virginia planter, and was born
amid luxury August 20, 1874.
Raised tenderly and educated thor
oughly, the early portion of her
life was spent among the hills and
dales of her nativity, Gloucester
county. When the war began she
was just budding into womanhood,
and mapywere her admirers, but
heart-whole and fancy free she
moved among her friends until the
dreadful seven days fight around
Richmond, at which time she was
on a visit to that city and became
desperately in love with a Confede-
rate infantry captain named Ward.
They became engaged, and the day
fixed for the wedding arrived, but
instead of the marriage there was a
funeral-her lover while passing
through the picket lines to join her,
was shot by sharpshooter in am
bush. Her grief can be better inn
agined than described, and it was
months before she became recon
ciled. To make matters worse and
fill her cup of sorrow to the brim
her mother and father died within
q week of each other, and the fire


brand of war was applied to he
once beautiful home and its sur
roundings. When the war CLOSED
the property was conflscated, and
friendless and penniless, she wan
Year: 1876

the statue will testify to the world
at large this sword will tell to your
own posterity ; it will testify to the
gratitude and sincere esteem of
your devoted and grateful soyer-
eign, WILLIAM.
Year: 1876

Several weeks since lager bee. saloon keeper or
Third avenue and Twenty sixth street. south Brooklyn
named David Kaicr, being IN want OF a servant hired
for that position young German woman Kafcr


liked hts servant SO well that ten days after she
into his employ ho proposed marriage
to her and accepted Their married life
was pleasant until last Friday, when
kaer heard that his wife had another
husband living. II ordered her leave the house,
which she did, taking with her $3.50 Of kaicr's money
which he had saved up aud hidden between the mat


resscs OF bed. as he discovered his loss he
notiacd the police and dligent search made Tor
the woman. kaicr ana a detective went to Philadel-
phia and tenant OF kaier's instructed watch
the dock OF tho North German Lloyd Steamship
Company, al Jersey CITY, TO have her ar
rested IN case she attempted to 60 TO Europe
Al noon yesterday the watcher the dock
wardcd Tor his vigilance by seeing Mrs Kacr going on
board ci the vessel Khein He al once informed a
policeman who she and had her arrested.
telegram was Immediately sent TO Police Headquar-


crs, Brooklyn, and Detectives Butts and Corwin took


the prisoner and ncr baggage TO that city She had
her possession 5000 bill 500 bill Her
baggage consisted OF two sachcs OF brandy bed blan
kcis trunk and several bandboxcs, all OF which She
had recently purchased IL stated that she has been
married to several She was locked up In tho
First precinct station house.
Year: 1876

One day last week some negro children
were playing near y creek in Quitmsn
county when an alligator crawlrd out
and swallowed one OF the children
Next dav party caught the alligator. cut
him open and took the little negro out
alive. This 10 no newspaper lies but was
reported to us by lawyer. who subs an
ltiate- the statement by two negroes wha
saw the child.