smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

~. Patrick in the ROIe Of a Government


Re eIOrmer-LetGer from Mark Twain.


The following letter was read at the
supper of the knights of st. Patrick in
Hartford, Conn:


RICHARD MCCLOUD, EsQ.-DEAR SIR:
! am very sorry that ! cannot be with
the knights of St. Patrick tomorrow
evening. In this centennial year we
ought all to find peculiar pleasure in
doing honor to the memory Of n man
whose good name has endured through
fourteen centuries. We ought to find
pleasure in it for the reason that at this
time we naturally have a fellOw-feeling
for such a man. He wrought a great
work in his day. He found Ireland a
prosperous republic, and looked about
him to see if he might find some useful
thing to turn his hand to. He observed
that the president of the republic was in
the habit of sheltering his great officials
from deserved punishment, so he lifted
up his staff and smOte him, and he died
He found that the secretary of war had
been so UnbecOmingly economical as to
have laid up $4,000 a year out Of 4
salary of SS, 900, and he killed him. He
found that the secretary of the interior
ALWAYS praved over every separate and
tlSJlQCJ DdTGcI Ol SAT- Bttl llidI Was HI
tended for the unconverted savage, and
then kept that beef himself, and he killed
him also. He found that the secretary
Of the navy knew more about handling
suspicious claims than he did about hand
Iingas ship, and at once made amend Ofhim.
He found that a very foul private secre
tarv had been engineered through asham
trial, so he destroyed him. He discOv-
cred that the congress which pretended
to prOdigiOus virtue was very anxious to
investigate an ambassador who had dis
hOnOred the country abroad, but was
equally anxious to prevent the appoint
ment Of any spOtless man to a similar
post; that this congress had no God but
partv, no system of morals but bat
vision. and no reason or excuse for cX-
isting anyhow. Therefore he massacred
that congress to the last man. When he
had finished his great work, he said, in
his fgurative way, LO, | have de-
stroyed all the reptiles in Ireland"


St. Patrick had no politics; his SYM
pathies Law with the right-that was
politics enough. When he came across
a reptile he forgot to inquire whetherhe
was a democrat or a republican, but sim
plv exalted his staff and " let him have
it, Honor be his name-I wish we had
him here to trim us up for the centen-
NAL. But that cannot be. His staff.
which was the symbol of real, not sham,
reform. Is idle However, we still have
with us the symbol of truth-George
WashingtOn's little hatchet-fOr i know
! THEY'VE buried IT. Yours truly,


- + CTFMEN-
Year: 1876

Perhaps the influence Of the four great
winds on character is only fancied one,
but 1t i evident on temperament, which
is not altogether a matter of tempera-
ture, although the good old deacon u-ed
to say in his humble manner, that &c bis
third wife was a very good woman, but
her temperature was very different from
that of the other two"


The north wind is full Of courage and
puts the stamina Of endurance into man,
and it probably would into woman too,
if there were a series Of resolutions passed
to that effect.


The west wind is hopeful 1t has prom
isc in it, aud is, except 10 Atlantic vow
ayers America-bound, the best wind that
ever blew.


The east wiEd i pecviShnc-S it is
mental rheumatism and grumbling, and
curls one up inthe chimney corner like q
cat.


The south wind Is fall Of longing and
unrest, of suggestions of luxurious case
| am not sure but the south j. the most
powerful Of winds, because OF it, sweet
persuasiveness. Nothing so stirs the
blood in spring it makes men longer
to zoe on pilgrimage
Year: 1876




CkRDINAL MANNING in a recent ser
mon referred to English paupcrism in
the following pointed language: En-
gland, the richest of all countries, has
upon it stain and shame not to be
fcri1id in countries which Englishmen as
sumo to despise: he meant pauperism, an
intense dcmoralized state of poverty.
Poverty in itself was an honorable state
but pauperism was something altogether
distinct from poverty. Pauperism was
that wrecked condition of men and OF
families out of which there was no rising
by any effort of their own. And what
did it come from 1t would take too long
to endeavor to say. One reason hewould
state; the overwhelming prosperity of
the rich, the closeness of the hands and
-jthd hearts, and the ignorance in which
the rich lived and died, of the state of
the poor who lived and died round
ahput them. dwellings. The possession
of wealth and prosperity generated a sell
fishness and an Inconsistencies of the
suferings of others, SO that men were
wrapped up in their own daily indul-
gence, and were forgetful of those who
were in want"
Year: 1876

QUAINT TEXT The devil. as a roar
ing lion, walketh about seeking whom
he may devour" Now, my friends. we
viii divide the subject Of our text into
four heads First we shall seek 10 learn
Who the devil hc was; secondly, we
shall inquire into his geographical posi-
ton, namely, Where the devil he was,
and where the devil he was going
thirdly (and this IS of a personal charac-
ter, " Who the devil he was seeking; "
and fourthly, we shall endeavor TO solve
a question which has never been solved
vet. What the devil he was roaring
about"
Year: 1876

The Scientific American discusses
hanging as a mode of capital punish
ment, and proposes a substitution of
electricity for the galIows. The light
ming stroke causes the most certain and
painless death know to science. A pow
erful discharge of electricity into the
body of the condemned from a battery
and Rumhkorff coil would amount TO
the same thing in eXtinguishing life.
This Is the way III which the Scientific
American would have executions CON
Quoted: " The battery and coil should
be of sufficient strength to deliver the
eighteen-inch spark. In case of their
being more than one person to execute,
all of the condemned would be conducted
with all due ceremony to the place of eN
cution, the left hand of one man hand
cuffed to the right hand of his neighbOr,
and the conducting wire fastened to
bracelets on the disengaged wrists of
both criminals, if only two are TO be eX-
ecuted or to the wrists Of the outer Elen,
if only that number are to suffer. The
cuIprits being seated 50 as to be seen by
the legal witnesses. the sheriff presses 4
button The current is instantly cstab-
lished from the coil, passes through the
bodies of the men. and all is over. The
same ignOminy which attaches to the
gallows would be transferred to this mode
of destruction, which, among the ignO-
rant of all nations and ages, has been
the subject of profound superstition, and
would without doubt through its very
incOmprehensibiIity and mystery, imbUe
the uneducated masses with a dCepcr
horror.
Year: 1876

TIE price of living in the city Of New
York has not, it is estimated, declined
more than five per cent. in the past
three years. An article in the Times
shows that in meats of all kinds there
is no reduction; in fresh fish the price
appears to be about fifteen per cent. less,
while in smoked and shell fish the cost
is about the same as it was about three
years ago. Poultry and game show 40
decline, and butter, lard, cheese and
fruit remain at about the old prices.
Vegetables show a considerable reduc-
ton, at least twenty per cent, and eggs
show about the same decline iii price.
Flour, by retail, is from one dollar to
one dollar and fifty cents per barrel
cheaper, or from ten to twelve per cent.
less than it was three years ago" Mean
while, there is tendency to economy,
and consugners are finding that they can
with a little care save more than five
cents on n dollar.
Year: 1876

CINCINNATI will have that railroad to
Chattanooga At the election on the 18th
to decide whether the city should issue
six millions of dollars in bonds in addi-
ton to the ten millions already issued to
construct the Cincinnati Southern rail
way, the proposition was carried by an
overwhelming majority.
Year: 1876

THERE appears to be an unfortunate
defect in the law imposing penalty on
the introduction of spirituous and intox-
icating liquors in the Indian country.
BY the terms OF the law all Indians are
exempted from the penalty, and a num-
ber Of the shrewder children of the for
est" are availing themselves Of this ex-
emptiOn to carry on a lively trade in the
cup that inebriates as well as cheers.
The attention Of congress has been called
to the subject, and it is more than prob
able that the law will be amended.
Year: 1876

Not for a long time has there been
such scarcity Of heavy tonnage, suit
able for the long voyage business, In the
mort of Boston as just now; moreover,
verv few returning ships are now due.
There is not single foreign craft here
available for the transatlantic trade,
and only two fulI-rigged ships awaiting
Isnoa0ements-one OF them nearly closed
9or the Western coast.
Year: 1876

To THR EDITOR OF HERALD


have been reader OF the HERALD for thirty years,
and but seldom have seen in it's editorial columns
anything Objectionable, in docrlna point of view,
as your article in days paper upon "Rcal Estate
Owners and Rapid Transit" The very basis of our
laws about property particularly real estate, is that
the owner cannot dlvesod OF it unless he is COM
pensated II private parties want it the price is
matter of private arrangement If the great public
want 1t the law provides machinery for ascertaining
the value But the point in Anglo-Saxon law is that,
no matter who wants it, 1t must be paid for. In this
case IL the public necessities urgent that the
property people Pearl street and elsewhere must
be for the public use, why, let the public pay
for it,


There is another Wow of the which would like
10 see YOU ventiae If this confscation OF private
property by IA knot OF sharpcrs' you very prop
ery term these rapid transit men, to 20 on will you
be good enough to let know what inducements have
city, Tor, mind you, by this act OF Assembly
under which these rapid transit men are shelterng
themselves, only Broadway, Fifth avenue and the
parks are Tree from their raids. And II moneyed men
won't invest how long will II be before those valuable
blocks up town, which this ''knot of sharpers" so


desire to call attention. will have to be brought back 10
turnip or potatoe fields, to raise something to pay
tnxesY Very respectfully, PEAkL STREET.


four correspondent is unacquanted with familiar
principle municipal law everywhere II he does not
know that private rights always yield to public
he does not understand holding that IL any pri-
vale property taken by this enterprise 1t must be
paid for II IL is injured the owners must be indcm
nihed.-Ed. HERALD.
Year: 1876




AT THE CHAMBERS OF THE COURT OF COMMON
Pleas for tho City and County OF New YORK, at the
Court House. the city Of New York. the day
March, ls7ePresent: Hon. Chas p Daily Judge Of
Court and Judge Of tho county Of New York
Year: 1876

How FIFTEEN CENTS Prevented SUI.
oIDE.-The Western agent Of the Chill
dren's Aid Society reports an interesting
incident concerning one of the boys re.
Gently sent out to the West by the soce.


ty. This boy having expressed his thanks
to the agent for providing him with a
good home, he was informed that he
should thank God, as the agent was only
an instrument in His hands. "Yes,"
said the boy, Il do thank him for keep.
ing me from taking my life." lie then
stated that on the previous Friday he
had walked to Harlem, hoping to get
work, but was disappointed. On his way
back to the Bowery, being without mon.
ey and having eaten nothing that day, he
determined to drown himself. At night
he went toward the North river, intend.
ing to jump IN, but before doing so he
concluded to read few verses from a
Testament which missionary had given
him. He then went behind pile oI
lumber to pray to God to forgive him
the sin he was about to commit On re-


turning to the sidewalk he looked down


and leeing something, fshed it up anG
found it was ffteon.cent stamp. H'
changed his course, obtained nights
lodging with the money, came to see thu
society's agent again next day, and OF
the following Tuesday left for the West
Year: 1876

Thousands Of human beings are yearly
borne on the swift current of disease
down to the grave, just because they do
not possess sufficient knowledge of
themselves, A man meets his neighbor,
and the first salutation is, "How are
you ?" or "lIow is your health ?" The
reply frequently is, "Oh, am well with
the exception of cold" Reader, do
you know that cold is one of the most
dangerous of maladies ? A cold not only
clogs up the pores of the entire system,
and retards circulation, but is productive
of Catarrh, which is quite apt to lead to
Consumption. "Oh," you say "it is
nothing but a cold in my head" True,
but that cold is really a mild form of
Catarrh, and if not arrested 10 its course
will become chronic Catarrh is one of
the most disagreeable, offensive affections
in the catalogue of dieases. The passage
to the nose is obstructed. the sense Of
smell impaired, and there is disagree.
able sensation Of pressure in the head.
In the more advanced stages there is a
discharge having an offensive odor. II
the disease be allowed to continue in its
course thick, hard incrustations will form
in the head, which will sometimes become
softened and break away in pieces


Why will persons continue to suffer from
such an annoying, disgusting disease when
they can just as well be cured of it :


DR.. Sage's Catarrh Remedy will cure the


worst forms of Ca.arrh in fact, it is III,
only sure and safe remedy which has ye
been offered to the public. Many harsh


irritating preparations may, for a time


relieve the urgency Of the symptoms, bu
they do not cure .he disease, DR.. Sage
Catarrh Remedy is soothing and healing
in its effects, and when used with Dr.
Pierce's Nasal Douche, according 70 di
rections, does not fail to effect cure
. Sold by all druggists.
Year: 1876

The great philanthrOpist, Hon. Horace
Mann, once said Let there be an
entire abstinence from intoxicating drinks
throughout the country during the poriod
of single generation, and mob would
be as impossible as combustion without
oxygen"
Year: 1876

There is not one true Christian ou
earth who would not lift up his voice and
hands against alcohol if he fully under.
stood its relations to his Christianity and
to his Masters kingdom.
Year: 1876

Look for poetry and you will find IL
every wherein the faIry-cup moss under
your feet, in the woodland lootpaths, in
the song of the robin at your window in
the morning, in the patter of the rain on
the roof, in the first rosy cloud on tbs
horizon at dawn, and The last that fad 8
out in the west at sunset. For poetry il
written all over the earth by Divine
hand before it can get into books.


The Creator is the great poet. AL TINT
is beautiful to the eye or ear or heart I9
His handwriting. Wherever 4 bud opeus,
a rivulet slips along its pebbly path. or
leaf shadow dances in the SUNSHINE
there He has written poem which he
meant should be read with delight by
every passer.by.


WHAT the true poets do is only 10
translate SO much of his writing as
they understand, for others who see
less clearly or, ottener, who mere ,
have less power to express themselves.


Now we are turning over the lie wee 10
Natures Midsummer Book OF Poetry:
and we shall find there, ii we are heed
full, a thousand things we never saw be-
fore. 1t is book in which the most
thorough reader will always discover
something new, because the thoughts OF
its Author are Infinite.
Year: 1876

THE GERMAN EVANGELICAL POPULATION OF IN
FOR THE ACTION OF TIE COMMISSIONERS AS TO
SUNDAY OPENING.


1SpIASAroLrs July ., 1s76
At mass meeting OF all the German Evangelical
churches OF this city, which held at the Academy
of Music, to-day, the following resolution was
adopted -


Whereas we, the members or the various German
churches of the city OF indianapolis, at centennial
jubilee know that the blessing OF God our
people only in that manner submit as a people
IL the commAnts OF God as they recorded the
Holy Writ; therefore,


We declare and resolve that the Fundamental princ-
pies OF the Holy Scriptures should be the true life OF
every State that We consider the Lords Day As day
ordained by God Tor rest FOR every that We there
tore, rejoice that tue Centennial Commissioners OF tho
different states have recognized this prime pie by
dainng that the Worlds Great Exposition III Phadei-
phla shall he oscd on sunday and we hereby express
our thanks and owledgments tor their action.
Year: 1876

WHAT IT HAS ACCOMPLISHED.
SMALL AMOUNT OF WORK. BUT THE MOST OF IT


CLKAN-FEw CHANGES MADE IN ANY IMPORTANT


IAws-2O3 LAWS ALREADY MADE. WITH 269


OTHER BILLS STILL AWAITING THE GOVERNORS


NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. OF TIE MOST IMPORTANT


MEASURES.


[PRoM THE REGULAR CORRESPONDENT OF THE TRIDUSEl


ALBANY, May 4.-Speaker Hustled stuck to
the truth when he said In his closing speech
that the of this Legislature had been those OF oms
sion rather than OF commission 1t left most OF Its I'M
portant tasks until the very last moment IL failed
ected to perform its paincst duties; but far
be now, what ii did do to be, the whole,
pretty clean legislation There more OF it than
necessary, but still less than there last year. Two
hundred and three bills have already become aws-269
yet remain unsigned and unvetoed. The donothng pol
ICY brought good result. No great and sweeping
charges made anywhere No act seriously m0lifcs
the machinery of government in NewYork except the
Woodin charter Both the great cities are left for the
part untouched awaiting the ruthless remodelng OF
the Charter Commission. Insurance interests have not
been greatly disturbed, the Banking law is unamended
and all the general laws stand almost without moditca
ton.


What the Legislature has actually DONE the following
condensed statement shows. Here given every bill Of
any importance passed since the opening OF the session.
Where its provisions have been familiar to the pubc Us
name is usually sufficient; in all other cases some
brief abstract the is given derived from the
printed bill file in the Office of the Secretary OF State
or the engrossed bill in the hands of the Governor AZ
for what the Legislature did not accomplisd-l
Year: 1876

Two Important Discoveries The discovery OF Amerca by
Columbus. PIERcEs GOLDEN MEDICAL DISCOVERY
the opening up TO mankind new continent thy onsr
fountain OF health indispensable To the fu enjoy
ncnt M e and It's In response 10 the above scn


enf come the aesaons OF tens OF thousands OF
raefn paents been relieved OF chronic ailments
ts nst Those voices are limited TO no
one locality, but from every city Village anu haie ia our
domain as other climes and IN the strange
foreign tongues like tho confused murmur OF
many waters come unegned and hearty commendaons II
ia In combination with the PLEASANT PukGATvE PELLEfs
ha great the Under Its benign action
TONS disappear is checked the
ana health long banshe from the system


er rsesabshes her throne the
cheek who have thoroughly tested its virtues In the DIS
which u Is recommended unite IN ronoupcng the
great medical discovery Of the age
Year: 1876

PoRT JERvIs, n. Y, May 5.-The mountains
In this vicinity have been full OF fire during the past
week. and at night the Is grand Much valuable
timber being destroyed In the northern part OF Deer
Park thousands Of have been swept over These
fires supposed To be the work OF nccndares. and
the citizens have been compelled to take measures to
ferret out the ncnds.
Year: 1876

From the Whitehall Review


Some mystery has cnvcoped the recent death OF
wclknown lady, the sistcr-in-aw OF peer. holding
Office at court II has out that the rumors,
which during the last twelve months have connected
the ladys name with that OF certain captain in Her
Majesty's army with whom she said have left hor
home at the conclusion Of a visit of member Of the
royal family at the house OF the peer question,
only correct In far that she did accompany the Of
fcer something which looked very like elopement
This rash STEP however, appears, had for its
object merely the annoyance Of her husband, tho
private detectives employed by the latter having
received conclusive proof of the moral innocence OF
the unhappy lady IN relation to the very gallant officer
who thus did his best the reputation OF the sis
ter OF his host and friend Unfortunately the truth
has to light too late. With the stigma resting
ncr name. tho punishment Of her mad caprice was
that she returned 10 her old home Last month,
just before Der death, she TO the nearest city,
some fifteen miles distant, and there the once gay,
proud beauty away from all her friends and alone
some obscure lodgings, breathed her last II Is only
just that the scandal should be laid at with the
mains OF her who is dead but just how tar that
dnl is deserved is righteous duty to make clear and
hope that the duty has been at last performed
Year: 1876

present sudden illness causes the proioundest snock
among all circles in the city.


CARDINAL
Cardinal Antonelli has long been seriously H. and the
sudden turn in his condition not unexpected.
Aside from his exalted position In the Church his death
would prove great loss in many ways He is the
wcathest OF all Roman Catholic ecclesiastics II not
the wealihlcst man in Italy.
Year: 1876

NnCC-Sllcc-On! Is HOSt ucl-lSll-
Ishl-- -ishi-mast del-ishi-
Hang it, shall sneczc till spring y
Snuff is Il delicious thing"


An ulster overcoat covers multi
tude Of sins.


Heat generates motion. lllustra-
tion-A small boy sitting on hot
coal.


Why is it no crime to pick chrome
agents pocket? Because he has
pictures.


Why is dew like a falling star? One
is mist on earth, and the other missed
from heaven.


Why is your wife like dynamite ?
Because she's apt to blow you up if
roughly handled.


A good many New Workers leave
the straight and narrow path to walk
in the Broadway.


Young men are advised to set good
examples, because young men are al
ways following them.


Shoes of calfskin, laced on the in
step, are worn with heavy broad soles
and low heels by men.


Teacher: What is the definition of
Irritation? Intelligent young pupil:
1t is attention without intention.


The best paper now issued is the
greenbacks signed by Treasurer New.
1t is not on our exchange list, how
ever.


1t is said the reason that Boston
detectives use an axe to enter gamb-
ling house is because they want to get
the chips.


Trying to do business without adj
vertising is like winking at pretty
girl in the dark you may know wkat
you are doing, but nobody else does.


There is one Detroit man who doesn't
put on the gloves any more for exer-
else. The doctors are feeling the back
of his head in hopes Of finding his
nose.


A North Carolina editor will dress
his paper in mourning for $40, if any
one dies and his liberal terms have
endearel him to the hearts Of a whole
country.


What's the difference between an
old topper ard u profane man? Only
that the one swears often times i'll t.
course of month, and the other
swears of ten times during the same
period.


AS old Mr.. - hoaved the last
scuttle of four tons of coal in his cellar,
he was heard to remark: If they had
been boys instead Of girls, it wouldn't
have been thus. One ton would last
all winter.


It was Daniel Webster, wasn't it,
who said there is always room at the
top? The man who counted forty cats
on the roof of a Chicago tenement
says there WASH room at the top for
another one.


A young man who went about yes
terday morning snuhing and blowing
his nose, explained TO a friend that she
didn't have ady fire id the parlor Sud-
day nighd, a'd id was was blade code.
Then you won't lend me that dime
novel, eh ? asked one boy Of another.
No, | won't. All right, then next
time our chimney burns out you shan t
come into the yard and whoop and
holler.


A correspondent wants to know the
best way to become literary man.
Well, the quickest way is for him to
make a short voyage to sea. He will
very likely become contributor to
the Atlantic.


A Detroit boy paid his first visit to
one of the union schools the other
day as a scholar, and, as he came
home at night his mother inquired
Well, Henry, how do you like going
to school? Bully, he replied in an
excited voice. l saw four boys licked,
one girl get her ear pulled, and big
scholar burned his elbow on the stove.