smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1872

The chief singer in Danbury choir is
making reputation for himself more endur-
ing than stencil plate. He calls God Cav
oo-oo-ad, which is rather neat, and can turn
back-hand spring with his voice over thir-
teen of the highest notes without dropping
his hat
Year: 1872

They do not treat the editor of the Provi-
dence Herald properly at the eating houses.


He heard of a seventeen year old rooster that
had died in Alabama the other day and tear
fully said that he had not thought that the
Year: 1872

Quite recently, coroner's jury in Connect
icut were celebrating over the body of man,
whose prediction for strong drink had
brought him to quiescent state, and they
had just concluded to bring in a verdict of
delirium tremens, when the supposed defunct
rose to semi-recumbent posture and playful
ly exclaimed, ''Here's one of your jury as
votes No."
Year: 1872

All interested, are invited to call at my Office
where shall be happy to furnish them every facility
for making an honest, truthful and reliable investi-
cation Of just what they most need to knoo on this
subject.
Year: 1872

A San Francisco woman recently applied
for divorce on the ground that her husband
had been four years addicted to the use ol
opium. The court refused to crafty her
wishes, ruling that ''the immoderate use OF
opium, though it may operate substantially
the same las alcoholic liquors, is not intem-
perance within the meaning of the statute,
and that should the prayer be granted, per-
haps the next application would be on the
ground of intemperance in eating.


The japanese government has pone sniff;
Year: 1872

During the dog days, every one should be
careful what he eats. Watermelons are cal
led extremely injurious, especially when eaten
in the damp night air, on another mans mel
ON patch. f.
Year: 1872

SAD CAsE.-A respectable man came to
Memphis from New Orleans a few months
ago, and established himself on South
Court street, adjacent to the Gayoso gas
office. His wife was nicely circumstanced,
enjoyed the comforts of well furnished
rooms and an easy life. Being called
away on business, he found it necessary
to absent him self from the city few
days. Those proved days of ruin and
disaster to him. On his return he found
his little home broken up, furniture sold
out, and wife fed to parts unknown. lie
went crazy and was asplcked up by the police
and placed behind iron bars in the Adams
street staton-house. That night, in his
demented rage, he attempted to break hi'
head by knocking it against the iron
grating of his prison door When found
bv Mr. Forrest, the station ,house-keeper,
the blood was flowing in torrents down
his face from the wounds in his head, and
he drank the ruddy stream as it fell. tic
would pause occasionally in his suicidal
operation to catch the blood in his mouth
CRYING ont with demoniac satisfaction
"Tll drink my own blood
Year: 1872

BUSINESS. Take advantage OF modern
facilities, and accomplish as much in a
single day as required months and years
formerly. Use the means within your
reach there is something fer everybody
to do, and place for every one who is
willing to work. Don't depend on your
own lungs alone use the lungs of the
press Treat your customers as your
friends, by serving them in the best
manner, and never let them be deceived
or disappointed. Find recreation in
looking after your business, and your
business will not be neglected in looking
after recreation. Buy fair. and sell fair,
take care of the profits, and be economi-
cal. Should misfortune overtake you,
retrench, work harder, but never fly
the track comfort difficulties with un-
fiinching perseverance should you then
fail, you will be honored ; but shrink,
and you will be despised. The tricky,
deceitful and dishonest are rarely pros
porous, for where confidence is with
drawn, poverty is likely to follow. Rest
satisfied with doing well, and leave
others to talk rs they will. Never speak
boastingly of your business keep your
own counsel about the management OF
your affairs. Be charitable according
to your means. To compete successfully
with a neighbor, participate IN the
facilities to go ahead.
Year: 1872

THE Piano IN TuRKEY.-Leopold
De Never, the celebrated pianist had
such an experience III Turkey He was
sent for, when in Constantinople to
thump ont some music before the Sultan


in the Seraglio, 1t WASH an easy thing
to dc. "You are sent for" says he sat
eight in the morning in order to play at
three in the afternoon; you wait seven
hours in a very fine gallery, where it IS
forbidden to sit. From time to time you
are informed of what his highness IS
doing. His highness has just got up
vou must PROSTATE yourself. A little
later you are teld his hi2hness is taking
his bath-you PROSTATE yourself again.
His highness is dressing reprostrate
Yourself. His hishness is taking his
coffee and you reprostrate yourself at
each of these particulars more profoundly
than before. At length, your piano Is
brought in. The legs have been taken
of so as not to injurc the floor a precious
mosaic of rare woods The immense
grand piano is placed on five Turks
The wretched men support the crushing
mass on their knees. why, YOU say,
[ can't play on five Turk piano 1t Is
thought that you hesitate because the
instrument is not horizontal a cushion
is therefore placed under the knees OF
the smallest Turk No one supposes
that n sentiment of humanity makes you
hesitate After a long explanation OF
this refinement Of civilization the piano
is placed on its own legs again. The
Sultan appears After all sorts of salams
you are told to play. You ask for chair;
there is no chair. No one ever sits IN
presence of his highnes.." NJ. De Mey
er suppresses one detail, however Hc
played long fantasia on his knees, and
when at the end, the Sultan said hemust
be very tired, he convinced his high.
ness of the contrary by moving around
the gallery on his hands.
Year: 1872

THAT TURKEY.-Frederick Douglas
tells this good story; | was hungry
once, very hungry indeed, and | hadas
little conference with bro her slave on
the subject of helping myself to turkey
that | saw fiuttering in one OF the hot
houses. Itold Sandy (for it vas Sandy
Jenkins) that i was hungry, wanted
something to eat, but that had religious
scruples against helping mysely to that
turkey. l knew that he was prayir
man, a God-fearing man, and L wanted
his advice on the subject. He told me
that it was rather ticklish question in
ethics. There was some risk about 1t,
but so far as the act itself was concerned,
it was perfectly Legitimate. He said you
are your masters property Yes, said /:
That turkey is your masters property
Yes. If you put that turkey into you,
that turkey does not cease to be the
property of your master, but only adds
to the value of the property IN another
form. SO it was simply question OF
removal. | said that it stood to reason,
the whole thing was clear to reason, and
1 helped myself
Year: 1872

THEY SAW IT.-We are net in the habit
of regarding the average Italian as a per-
son of great wisdom, but the story of a
recent abortive strike in Rome shows
that the italian workman has learned a
thing or two that our mechanics have not
vet mastered. The masons of the Eternal
City met to discuss the question of a
strike. When those in favor Of it had
spoken, a macontent asked " But who
will pay me for my idle time when l am
out of workln "The Trades Union
funds" GLOW long will these funds
maintain me in idlenes.i" Five days
certainly-perhaps thirty days" And
what after the five or thirty days have
expiredl" The silence that followed was
finally broken by repeated cries CT :" He
i. right; we must think of our wives and
children" The meeting forthwith ad-
iourned. and the men fell to striking
AGAINST stone instead OF against their mas
Year: 1872

The Maine farmers have been blessed
with an abundant hay crop, and prices
range one half less than they did last
wear at this time. The potato crop will
not be heavy on account of the large
quantity of rain that has fallen, which
in many localities had occasioned rot.
There is large crop Of apples.
Year: 1872

The following is from the financial arti-
Gle of the journal Of Commerce, New
York; People who sit neryously in count
ing-houses or behind their goods, waiting
for customers TO take them by storm, and
making no effort to let the world know
the bargains they have TO offer, will find
the season very unpropitious. Many of
those who have spent large sums in hiring
drnmmers and paying for other we'll
~ -4 a.---.~eg ,sdo, BaVu cnrCteu
large sales, but swallowed up too large a
share of the receipts in such enormous at
tendant expenses. The best remunera-
ton has been found by those who have
returned to more legitimate old-fashioned
methods of pushing their business. We
say 1t, not simply because we are interest
ed in this line of expenditure, but as our
best advice to all who wish to be enter
prising and to secure a larger custom.
There is nothing now so effective to this
end as judicious advertising. A little adj
Vertising may be like gentle touch of the
whip to poor Dobbin's horse, mercy
thrown away; but liberal outlay is al
most certain to bring large return, and
will last even beyond the current season.
We do not believe that any one who has
valuable service or desirable property to
offer can fail of rich harvest by continu.
Gus advertising on large scale.
Year: 1872

HERE Is what the Tribune said about Mr.
Trumbull couple Of years ago:


THE newspapers that claim to believe thai
the seven Republican Senators who voted
against oonvlotion represent the Roman virtue
Of the paTty-thAt they arc Republican Catos
and that Al the rest are partisan and ooWardly
SenhtoTs-will hnd IN the report OF Mr.. Butler
and the evidence OF Mr.. ThuTlOW Weed food fOI
rejection. We soc In that evidence enough h
Justify the Bevorest criticism and the grayest
tlona. We have not the power All We know ID
that money was used TO secure tho aeguittal Of
the President We know that tho President
10 that result may take upon themselves the
responsibility Of slowing that none Of the money
was paid 70 them"
Year: 1872

Preserver have long been known but no attempts have been made to extract the oil scientifically. by process peculiar to this preparation, the es- sental oil of the tea plant has been added to oth- CT vegetable extracts, and an unequalled Toilet Article for the Hair is the result It is especially useful to prevent the hair from falling out or growing thin, and as wash for the scalp to stimulate the hair bulbs and prevent the gradual decay and loss of color in the structure of the hair tubes. Price $1.00. DIR. KENNEDY, 12O Warren St Roxbury, Mass. 2-1yeow
Year: 1872

A San Francisco gentleman recently
visited dentist for the purpose of
Willing away half-hour or so, and,
while there. lady came in with her
little girl, wanting tooth or two drawn
for the latter. The child cried when
placed in the chair, and declared that
she would not have her teeth attended
to unless the strange gentleman would
have tooth drawn first, and, to please
the little patient, he took her place
with wink at the doctor. The latter
took two or three instruments, while
the gentleman reclined in the chair
smilingly gazing at the ceiling for the
assurance of the watching child, and,
after softly poking at two or three teeth,
to the horror of the obiging gentleman
he commenced boring into his jaw
where tooth had once been extracted,
and, before he could offer protest, a
tremendous wrench brought out large
root, which the doctor held up to the
child with a diabolical grin on his face.
The gentleman rolled off the chair,
and, with an expression of unutterable
pain in his countenance, gazed a mo-
ment reproachfully at his friend and
left the office. The little one did not
seem to be greatly encouraged by the
exhibition
Year: 1872

How the PaIisianS Manage to Keep


Warm.


The effects of the season are very Sc
verely felt in Paris. The snow lies in
the streets, neither melted nor frozen
it's appearance is enough to produce
cough or bring out rheumatism. The
atmosphere is a dense mist, which
chills to the bone, and creeps into an
apartment by cracks and crannies that
you believed we're air tight. No person
goes out who can remain within doors,
and where the principal occupation con
sists in Theoretically closing up rooms.
The shops have quite deserted look,
although gas is kept blazing through
out what was hitherto known
as the day. Fires of char
coal burn at each side of the entrance
door to attract purchasers. In the
butchers shops large bra1sers occupy
the sites of chopping blocks; IN the
dairies are the same, to keep faith
doubtless with the public that milk can
be had "morning and evening, warm
and fresh from the cow" as indicated
on the signboards. At every corner
can be purchased from steaming cans a
beverage called coffee; the chestnut
men keep fires and pots going in par
titioned- off portion Of the wine shops
The news venders in their kiosks are
protected from being frozen to death
by having foot warmers filled with live
charcoal, which lasts five hours, and
costs one sou for renewal at the bakers
or charcoal dealer. The washer
women also procure from the
"boiling water companies the fluid
at the rate of one sou per bucket. Cob
blers will 'Efrost" boots and shoes, as
the smith horses, for eight sous the
pair, but who must be playing into the
hands of some accidental insurance
company, as the wearers of spiked
heels figure most among cases in the
accident wards in the hospitals. Up
to the present there have been eight
hundred "falls," requiring the aid of
medical assistance; sixty persons have
had arms and legs broken, and there
have been two deaths. Owing to the
absence of traffic, the streets are dis.
NAL by the silence, relieved occasionally
when wagon drawn by six or eight
horses sticks in the snow, and whips
and vociferations are employed to sup
plement motive power The buses
have been a complete failure; passen-
gers have had to alight, and even then
the pair of horses were unable to draw
the vehicle up the smallest rise. In
stead of reducing the buses on each
line, and doubling thereby the number
of horses, the omnibus company shut
up the shop, when the ordinary means
failed. AS for cab, if one could be
had, it was an understood thing that
you would have to yoke yourself along
side of Rosinante before the journey
was completed. Indeed, horse-fesh
ought to be selling cheaply, as the
knacker's yard never received more
work
Year: 1872

A New HAVEN woman gave such an
unearthly shrek when she saw burg
lar making off with her household treas
ures, that the fellow dropped every
thing and made himself scarce in the
nuickest time pOSSIble
Year: 1872

The Trick Of q Prospective Brother
fn-Law,


From the Dsnbury News.


A rather contemplate trick was played on
| one of our clerks Sunday night. He
bought a cut-glass. bottle of cologne, with a
glass stopper and pink ribbon, to present to
young lady be Is keeping company with;
but on reaching the house he felt a little
embarrassed fer fear there were members of
the family present, and so he left the beau
tiful gift on the stoop and passed In. The
movement was perceived by a graceless
brother Of the young lady, who appropriated
the cologne to bis own use, and refilled the
bottle with hartshorn from the family Jar,
and then hung round to observe the result.
In little while the young man slipped out
on the stOop, and securing the splendid gift,
slipped back again into the parlor, where,
with few appropriate words, he pressed it
upon the blushing girl. Like good and
faithful daughter as she was, she at once
hurried into the presence of her mother, and
the old lady was charmed. They didn't put
up scent stuff like that when she was girl;
1t was kept in china tea-cup, and 1t was
held together by samples of all the family's
hair. But she was very much pleased with
it. She drew out the stopper, lsid the beau
tiful petals Of her nostrils over the aperture,
and fetched pull at the contents that fairly
made them bubble. Then she laid the bottle
down, and picked up brass-mounted fire.
shovel instead, and said she, as soon as she
could say anything, "Where is that sinking
brat?" And he, all unconscious Of what
had happened, was in front of the mirror
adjusting his necktie and smiling at himself.
And here she found him and said to him:
''Oh, you are laughing at the trick on an
old woman, are you? you wall eyed leperl"
And then she basted him one on the ear.
And he being by nature more eloquent with
his legs than bis tongue, fastened from
there, bowling like mad, and accompanied
to the gate by that brass-mounted shovel.
He says he would give everything on earth
if he could shake off the impression that
mistake had been made.
Year: 1872

A ADanbury mans horror, at the pros
pect of being crushed to death by team
of frightened horses, vas terribly intensi-
fed by the reflection that che was standing
on the very verge of eternity without dol
lar in bis pocket"
Year: 1872

A LITTLE girl on her way to school at
Bombay Hook, Delaware, was recently
chased bv bear which had escaped from
its keeper, but she threw him her dinner
and managed to escape while he was taking
this very meagre lunch.
Year: 1872

ming the President, that is the effect
of the speech made by the Senator
from Indiana. @4


Sir, am at loss to understand this
administration and its supporter.
The President recommends amnesty,
and the leader of the party in the Sem
ate denounces it in the most eloquent
terms that his fertile brain and iliven-
tive genius can suggest. The Presi-
dent recommends civil service reform
and the distinguished Senator from
Wisconsin MIR. Carpenter pours out
upon it all the vials of his wrath and
the wonderful scintillations of his wit,
and all around the Senate chamber we
find the civil service reform, though
recommended by the President and
iinaugurated by him gets the cold
shoulder from those who are looked
upon as his most particular support
ers and friends. | do not understand
this administration. If were an un-
charitable maps l should say that there
was what in Common parlance is call
cd "tbrowing tub to the whale;"
that it is promise held out to the
car to be disappointed i'll the fulfill
ment; that when the. President says,
.'Let us have civil service reform"
there is mental reservation that civil
service reform shall be killed in Con-
gross that when he says 'fLet us have
amnesty" there is a mental reserva-
tfon that leading Radicals in the SEN
ate shall kill amnesty stone dead.


Now, Mr.. President, do not charge
any such false dealing upon the Pres
ident; charge no such hypocrisy
upon him; and yet it does look won
derfallM strange that every important
recommendation he makes is ignored
by his friends in this chamber, and
the knife is put to the throat for the
purpose of drawing the life blood
from it. ag dtuk
Year: 1872

THE SEWING MACHINE is one of the
greatest improvements of the age, and at this


day and age of the world every family must


and will have one. This fact appears to be


perfectly understood by all Sewing Machine


Companies, consequently every company is


making every effort in their power to put


their machines forward, and to make sales as


rapidly as possible. They employ every per-


son they can get, and three-fourths of those
employed are not fit for the business, eonse-
quently the country is now oyerrun with men


and boys representing themselves as Sewing


Machine Agents,and everyone claiming to have
the best machine, when, in fact, they know
nothing about machines, consequently the


business has become nuisance-it is over
done and overrun with unprinoipled agents,
and almost every farmer breads to see one
stop at his gate.


But to lay all prejudice aside, the New Viii
son is the only First-class Machine in America
that is sold at a reasonable price; price withs
in the reach of every family. The New VIII
son stands to-day at the head as being the best,
the simplest, the easiest to manage, the most
durable, and by far the cheapest. The Wilson
now costs $500 more to manufacture than anv
other machine in America, and is sold for
S25.0O less than any other frst-class machine
This simply because it Is not in the "Coun-
bination." This machine is sold for Just what
it is worth, while all others are sold from
S25.O0 to $4,000 more than they are worth.


The undersigned has been selling the VIII
son for one year at his Grocery and Crockery
Store in Fremont, and has sold Five Hundred
Machines, and nearly all have been sold in
Sandusky County, and have never yet had
an agent out soliciting sales or boring the peo-
pie to buy. Every machine has been ordered.
This, think, is the largest sale that has ever
been made in the county. This fact of itself
is certainly sufficient evidence that the ma
chine is good one. All ether companies have
and bored the people nearly to
death to sell their machines, and in very many
people have bought simply to get nd
of the agent Now, we claim that the proper
way, and the only way, to buy machine, is to
go town and see and try all the machines and
select for yourself-buy machine in the same
way that you buy a dress, or a set of dishes, |
or dollars worth Of sugar. There are now
some six or eight different kinds of Sewing
Machines represented in this city, try them |
all, select for yourself, and do not be hum |
bugged by agents, and nine out of every ten
will buy the Wilson. p. CLOSE.
Year: 1872

nominees: o,. ~, - ,o-o


MY DEAR SIR: Yours the 18th inst is received. NO
one can feel kcenly than DO the failure OF the
Cincinnati Convention sQuarely up 10 the great
doctrine the freedom OF trade IL ought 10 have been
the cornerstone Of political edlhce Stll 10
n republic, where statute law IS Of no account ex-
cept IL be a reflex of public opinion, patience is
often the statesmanship The prudent LEGISLATOR
has his deal doubtless but be soon learns that he can sell


dom reach IT, except by gradual steps, and therefore, IN
stead OF insisting full fruitiOn all at once, lie taxes
what he can get. So the refOrmer never refuses
part because he cannot get the whole Sueh IN my
Judgment present position We did not get what
we wanted at CINCINNATI, but we certainly dld get


good deal which IL does seem 10 me we cannot AFFORD
10 throw away The acceOtance OF Cincinnati and
it's results by all the elements or opposition 70
Grant insures his overthrow and secures the certain
triumph Of many needed reforms so far as the tarn Is
concerned certainly shall be OF under Cree
lev than we would under Grant. Grant would veto rev.
enue reform tariff bill, while Greeley would sign IL.
Grant advocates high tariff In his messages
and maSes IL test or party realty. greeley
would say nothing about It IN his messages and
would accord 10 all the absolute freedom of thought and
opinion II 20 me- therefore, that we have much
TO gain and nothing 20 lose by supporting Mr. Greeley


a. against Gen Grant or course, If the Democrats put
up another man. and the Reunion ReOrmers still another,
so as to make a chance for choice among half dozen
wherever we do so most fully, and wait for VIC
tory IN the uncertain years OF the future.
Personally, however, 1 hungry enough TO
prefer the half loaf OF reform which Mr.. Greeley
can surely give through the present campaign,
rather than TO wait for the whole loaf which floats like
ture therefore counsel union OF all the elements OF
opposition upon the basis OF the Cincinnati platform and
its tscandldacs-any other course simply means defeat


Very truly, r BRISKERHoFP.