Year: 1870




Louisville Coufer-Journal. 25th.l


Among the amused auditors at the
Opera House last night there was at
least one person who failed to see where
the laugh came id, and to whom the
mirth-provoking antics of Tony Denier
we're anything but pleasant. A double
clog by a six weeks old corpse would
have been more entertaining TO him than
the sylph-like movements of NJ lie Leah
in the skipping-rope redowda. The bursts
of laughter from the delighted audience
were like Goals Of fire upon his head.
But to the story.


A nobby, fascinating young gent one
of the handsomest and politest conduc-
tors on the lightning express train that
flies over one Of the best railroads that
runs out of this city, like many other
young gents, has among his acquaint-
ances beautiful young lady, who is his
especial weakness. In fact, he adores
the very ground upon which she walks.
The young lady, as is usual in such cases,
has cruel parient" who labors under
the delusion that the young man leads
fast life forty miles an hour every other
day., and threatened to check him
through without change to the other
world, if he came fooling around his
daughter any more. But love laughs at
locksmiths, and the young folks contriye
to see each other without the old gents
knowledge. Yesterday the young lady,
knowing that it was the eyoung mans day
to clay over" sent him word that she
would attend the Opera House last night,
accompanied by a younger brother, and
requested him to meet her there and 60
home with her.


The young man got himself up regard
less of expense-new clothes, new boots
"a pair which, by the way, the knight Of
st. Crispin warranted to fit like the
paper on the WALL, and went to the
Opera House. He managed to secure a
seat in the tier of seats just in the rear
of the one occupied by the young lady,
and soon had his mustache close to her
back hair, whispering soft nonsense in
her ear. Before the first act was half
over thoughts of the warranty given by
his boot maker begun to obtrude them
selves upon his mind He remembered
that paper on the wall generally fits
close. As the moments flew by the fit
grew closer. His feet seemed to be
swelling half an inch an hour, and the
boots shrinking at the same rate. Those
of our readers who have worn tight boots
land who has not?) can appreciate his
situation. Finally the pain grew so
intolerable that he managed, while the
young lady was deeply interested in one
of the wonderful transformation scenes,
to slip the boot off. The sense
of relief nearly overpowered him, and
when the curtain fell again, and friend
sitting near asked him out to see man,
he accepted the invitation, and attempt
ed to put on his boot, but it would not
go on. He pulled and tugged, but the
calfskin was obstinate. The cold per-
spiration stood out upon his brow. He
was conscious that he was attracting
attention, and suddenly changed his
mind and did not feel like drinking
Then he thought of the object Of his
visit to the Opera House, and, with
half audible malediction upon all boot
makers, made desperate effort to thrust
on the boot. A friend, attracted by his
actions, inquired the cause and was told
what was the matter The friend be-
gan to laugh and the conductor s anger
to rise. The whispered admonition that
everybody was looking at him soothed
him slightly, and he hurled few choice
epithets in an undertone at his friend.


AS he tugged at the straps till the
stitches gave way, he muttered, "Oh, if
these id reporters should get hold of
this"


There's one on the next seat" said
his friend.


90, HILL keep this still, " said the un
fortunate victim, as he Strengthened up
in his seat, exhausted by the drain upon
his energies, ''I'll never have any peace
if they get hold of it.


The promise was made, but by this
time half dozen persons saw what was
going on and he was overwhelmed with
invitations to go out; but he had quit
drinking" didn't want to smoke"
quit chewing" wanted to see the
play" etc. As the play drew to close
he made another effort to get on the boot
but failed as before; and last, nerved by
the desperation of despair, told the
young lady that he had received orders
to take train out right away, and could
not accompany her home AT the close
he managed to limp out with his boot
half way on, and when last seen was sit
ting on the ourbstone near the Opera
House, surrounded by sympathizing
friends, not one of whom had knife,
furiously mutilating the offending boot
with his punch, which had never before
punched a hole in anything thicker than
a coupon or commutation ticket.