smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1875

The FUNNY MAN OF THE DETROIT FREE
PREss.-C P. Lewis is the wag of the Detroit
Free Press, says an exchange, referring to the
funny men of the press. During the past three
years he has written some of the finest touches
of sentiment and human nature in his police
court proceedings that have ever appeared In
the United States. Unlike Bailey, he did not
inherit his wit; unlike Mark Twain, 1t did not
come to him through associations. The truth
is it was blown into him. He was an ordinary
stupid country printer about Ann Arbor and
Lansing, Mich, till he took it into his head 10
go on tramp" Afterfooting it to Louisville
he engaged to work bis passage on a steamer to
New Orleans. The first day out the steamer
blew up. Lewis, one of the victims, was badly
SCARED and crippled; but as soon as he got able
to write he sent an account OF his experience
and sensations in being blown up to to the De-
troit Free Press, which at once established his
reputation as versatile genius On his return
home the Free Press took him on its columns
as items man. The leading editor said the 9TH
er day that he had to watch him like hawk;
for about half the time, like old Milton, he
clings lovingly to the fiattest emanations of his
brain. Lewis writes good deal for the East
ern weeklies over the signature OF IN Quod


"a bourgeois em quod" he says, "as it is worth
less in a printing Office except in its own line.
for it won't Justify with any other type
Lewis will probably last some time.
Year: 1875

money of the Society was expended. 1t
further asserts that we took an entire column
TO give them the advice we did. That's a
sander, most venerable Farmer. It was just
half column, no more. Even the Maine
Farmer couldn't well get along without the
PREss-not well, we say; for in recent
issue we noticed that more than three-fourths
of its column Of state news was taken bodily
from this every day sheet. We are glad of it.
for we esteem such an appropriation as a
proof of confidence in our discretion, and we
are comforted with the thought that the
Farmer editor saves time in so doing, which
is doubtless devoted to agricultural studies
and to the elaboration of tne report OF the
Secretary of the Board.
Year: 1875

IT appears from special despatch to the
Boston Advertiser that the Postmaster-Gen-
eral has discovered frauds in letting contracts
for mali bags, AMI although they are not on
as great scale as those for carrying mails
lately exposed, they are of such magnitude
as to warrant an extended Investigation Re-
pairs of mail bags have cost from eighty to
one hundred thousand dollars annually, and
a large part of this has been overcharge.
Hereafter all repairs will be done at depots to
be established by the department, and for
the purpose of beginning this work under the
immediate supervision of the department
three depots will be opened at once, one at
New York, one at Washington and third
at Indianapolis.
Year: 1875

The Maine Farmer will pardon us for
neglect. The fact is, we don't read that ex-
cellent journal, advertisements and all. We


regret to notice that it is in bad temper-that
it has been dressing its agricultural locks with
thistle seed and burdock burrs-a fact which
mars its sage advice that we mind our busi-
ness and let agricultural matters alone. 1t is
angry because things generally don't go in
the old way. The state refuses to pay the
bills of its reporter at Lewiston last fall.
The Agricultural Society is out from under
its thumb. So it turns on us and calls us
amiable and advises us to mind our business.
What did we do? Merely suggested that it
wasn't just the thing to attempt to stir up
enmity between Portland and Lewiston, and
that it should publish the report of the
treasurer of the Agricultural Society, so that
fifty thousand farmers might know how the
Year: 1875

THE St. Louis Globe, which is skeptical and
iconocIastic journal, looks upon Spring as
myth, as a tradition, reminiscence of some
fairer cline. Gas pure matter of fact"
saws the Globe, ''there is no such thing as
Spring. What we call Spring would by any
other name smell quite as sweet. The whole
spring business, as we are wont to talk Of it,
is a whim, a.dream, fraud. The mellow
voiced robin lives only in the rhymes Of the
verse-makers; the suggestive lilies and hya-
cnths are mainly affairs of faith; and the
mercurial young sheep that goes skipping
over the emerald meadows is but shadowy
emake-beleve." In sober truth, we never
hear or smell or see these typical institutions
during the period that claims them for its
own. They exist only in books and pictures
and in our own ensnared and swinded fancy.
No man has ever lived long enough 10 see with
his own eyes the Spring of the poets and the
painters. The process of resurrection in ma
ture is not a slow-unfolding floral panorama,
with free-concert accompaniment. 1t is view
less, noiseless and terribly prosaic. The mud
slush, the raw gales, the sky of agitated
gloom, are its true symbols; and our pet signs
are but accidents and Irregularities, when
they are not mere freaks of the imagination.
The real awakening has in it nothing of the
smooth and winsome graduation that we fond
ly mpute to it. We cannot foretell the time
of its coming. We cannot trace the steps of
its progress. The shrewdest of US dare not
attempt to prove that we have felt its tender
influence, or beheld its quivering luster. We
only know that when it does come, 1t comes
suddenly, in great gush of light and heat
and bloom. And that is not Spring but Sum-
uarC
Year: 1875

We do not read anonymous letters and cemmuni-
cations. The name and address of the writer are in
all cases Indispensable not necessarily tor publication
but guaranty OF good faith.


We cannot undertake to return or reserve commu-
nieations that are not used,
Year: 1875

Our readers will grieve to hear of the
death of Vice President Wilson, which
occurred at 1880 AN. Nov, 22nd, In the
city of Washington.


His death is public calamity, in more
senses than one. He was an able, tair
minded man of moderate views and
generous instincts. AS chairman of the
Senate Military Committee during the
war he performed Il herculean task,
which probably told upon his constitu-
ton. His career was remarkable he
had risen from the shoemaker's bench to
the second highest Office in the nation.


His death is especially to be regretted
at this time as he was one of the few
prominent men in this country who had
openly arrayed themselves against Gen.
eral Grants reelection to a third term.
BY voice and pen he openly fought this
dangerous innovation on our institu
tions. And now ne is dead. 1t weuld
almost seem as it some maiign p 'wer
was smoothing Grant pathway to en-
nire
Year: 1875

over and take torcible possession OF
America!!!


If the Republican party contrives to
rule the nation for ten years longer even
the Pope1 would refuse to take it as a
free gift, provided he had to pay the tax
pc
Year: 1875

A simple way to make an opera cloak
is as follows The material may be
white, sky blue, pale cream, or black
cachemire. The garment may be cut as
an ordinary circular cloak, or as
pelisse, with large square sleeves, very
much like the dolman. The trimming
may be either black, gold, or white and
gold galloon. Some of these gold gal
looms come in four different widths, and
they serve admirably for this purpose
when tastefully arranged around the
garment. Sometimes there is only one
broad band of galloon employed. The
use of galloon for opera cloaks dispenses
with all the labor formerly bestowed
upon embroidery.


A beautiful mantle for evening may be
made of Spanish lace. The old-fashion-
ed wells are most useful for this purpose.
This mantle falls over the right, and is
raised over the left arm. Black lace is
sometimes little trying in the evening,
DuV WlUu hOWClS3 "llOLi WOiI ONSA
o low necked dress, this objection to its
use is removed. Such mantle as we
refer to is very beautiful when made of
white lace.


An elegant ball dless may be made OF
fesh-colored faille. The front of the
skirt is trimmed with gauze plaitings
surmounted by putting and two head
ings above is q similar trimming. The
apron is formed of large gauze putting
with sprays of flowers on either side
The long silk gauze tunic falls over the
train, and is trimmed with two deer
blonde founces, surmounted by puff.
ing with small heading. The basque
waist is cut low in the neck in point
A gauze fchu is fastened over the breast
with long ends falling gracefully dowt
the sides and fastened toward the back
under punches of flowers. Down the
back of the tunic fall sprays of flowers,
and on the front of the waist and left
shoulder are small punches of the same
Year: 1875

You have never really seen picture
of despair and utter misery, and sore
distress and amazement, unless you
have seen q man, standing in the pres
ence of the wife of his bosom and of the
other members of his family, and reach
ing into his pocket to hand her letter
that he had got out of the post-ofico for
her, bring out Of the recesses of that in
side pocket a crumpled, creased enve-
lope, once white but now looking as
though it had associated with cigars for
many long day, the very identical let
ter which she had written to her mother
or dear, dear friend six weeks ago and
given her perfdious husband to mail;
the very letter he had sworn thousand
times he had mailed, and even told a
little joke that the postmaster got off
about it, in order to prove that he had
handed it to the government in person.
And there it is in the unhappy hus-
bands guilty hand, and his wife's eyes
start from their spheres as she gazes
upon the well-romembered although
cigar-stained address. She does not gel
up and kick over the piano stool, and
drown the trembling catiff in a torrent
of talk. She only looks at the letters and
then st the man, and says: "Well p
And that man would rather be scolded al
for a straight month than have that
"well " dropped on him. 1t crushes
him like pile-driver.
Year: 1875

At an early hour in the morning the
fireman in brewery in Jersey City, N.
j., built large fire under one of the
large tanks which is used for boiling
water. A short time afterward he re.
turned to the tank-having been attend
ing to some other duty in the meantime
and was surprised at hearing splash
of water as if some heavy body had fallen
into it. Then he heard groan as of a
human being in agony. He immediate
ly turned the faucet to draw off the
water and hastily raked out the fire.
Some of the men of the brewery then
mounted the ladder by which access to
the tank is gained, and looking over
the edge saw man lying at the bottom.
Ropes were promptly procured and the
man was hoisted out, but it was found
that life was extinct. His features were
so much disfgured that it-wa next to
impossible to recognize him, but
from his clothing he is supposed to be
man named Muell, a painter, who re-
sided in Washington village, and who
was in the habit of visiting the brewery
occasionally. How he got into the tank
is a mystery, unless, as some of the
workmen suppose, he climbed to the top
to look in for the purpose of gratifying
his curiosity. That he made desperate
attempts to get out is evident from the
fact of the fireman hearing the splash in
the water. The tank is nearly ten feet
high, and perfectly smooth On the in
side. The county physician examined
the body and expressed the opinion that
the man was steamed to death.
Year: 1875

The Bowling Green (Ky.) Paragraph
has the following Mr.. William B. Win
ans has in his possession remarkable
gun, and one that has an unwritten and
partly an unknown history more remarka


BILE than the weapon itself. AS to where
it was made, or by what train of circum-
stances its death-dealing crack became
sound of terror along the Tennessee
and Cumberland rivers during the earli-
est years of the late war, we shall not
pretend to say. The very sound of the
gun became known and familiar, and an
ominous one along infantry skirmish
lines, and among the sharpshooters.
Near the time of the battle of Shiloh
some infantry had been employed in
skirmish or accommodating duty in the
deep-tangled woods. Crack, bang,
boom roared at intervals the old gun in
the distance, at every discharge laying
soldier stiff and stark in death with un-
erring accuracy. Shift their positions
as they might, the gun would bang
away, and with hiss and thud there
would be one soldier less. The
direction of the firing was ascertained,
and the entire regiment or party was
ordered to charge toward it without
knowing where or what it was. On
they went, losing man at every few
PAGES. Nothing was accomplished, and
the party returned, leaving the murder
GUS gun cracking awayas they retreated.
Shortly afterward the old firelock was
heard again with her murderous music.
It was resolved at all hazards to find and
capture the internal machine. After
persistent efforts a tall, raw-boned, griz-
zle bearded, large-sized Texas ranger
was discovered in the foliage of a tall
tree, from among the branches of which
he was picking off his foes as well as he
had picked off hundreds before.
Brought to bay, he continued to load
and shoot with deadly aim till brought
down, and the famous gun was captured.
It is gun of immense caliber, being
near eight feet long, with smooth
bore, single barrel, large enough to ad


NIT small l-sized walnut
Year: 1875

Donhoff calls attention to the fact
that the obvious difference between the
fur of animals in summer and in winter
is associated with an equally striking
difference in the texture of thickness
of their skins. Thus, for example. the
average weight of an OK hide in winter
is seventy pounds. in summer ffty-five
pounds the hair in winter weighs
about two pounds, in summon one
pound, leaving about fourteen pounds
to be accounted for by the proper sub
stance of the skin. These differences
are quite as decided in fotal animals as
in adults. Calves born in winter have
longer and thicker coat than those
born in summer; moreover, there is
difference of more than pound in the
average weight of their skin after the
hair has been removed. Similar facts
may be observed in the case of goats
and lambs. That these differences are
not to be ascribed to any corresponding
change in the diet and regimen of the
parent animals is proved by tho fact
that they are equally manifest in the
young of individuals kept under cover
and on the same food all the year
round.
Year: 1875

MADAM" he said, "you see before
you blighted fellow creature / amt a
tramp, marin, amt I have had my
little store of wealth laid away for these
rainy days; but ah marm, relative and
speculation brought me to this sad state
in which you see me Twas long on
Erie railroad stock, marin, and-eh ?
Woodg Me saw that woodH Madam, /
feel you cannot realize my situation
Good morning.
Year: 1875

At Norwich, Conn.,, the other day
tramp was given an old vest. He soon
returned with fve-dollar bill he said
he found in one of the pockets. The
gentleman of the house was so well
pleased with his honesty that he gave
him dollar, and the nextday discovered
that the bill WAS wrstchsdly executed
ccunterfeik
Year: 1875

/" There is no flock, however watched and


tended,


But one dead lamb is there


There is no fireside, howsoe'er defended,


But has one vacant chair J!


The hour of bereavement is the COM
mon lot of us all; and we come back
from the new-made grave when we have
laid our loved ones to sleep, come back
to the vacant chair, the desolate room,
the empty ife-oh, how empty! Yet
not for all this do the cares and duties
of life press on us with any less weight
or diminish aught of their demands.
Wisely is it thus ordered. To sit down
and nurse our grief, to give full rein to
the indulgence of sorrow and tears, is
the worst possible thing for us and for
those around us. If grief opens our
hearts to feel the woes of others, inclines
us to forget self and selfish sorrow in
binding up other bruised and bleeding
hearts, leads us to double our diligence,
that before we too are summoned away,
the whole work given us to do shall be
done and well done; it will be possible
in some near future for us to say from
the heart: cit is good for me that 1
have been afflicted"


Bitter as is the cup of bereavement,
says the Tribune, cruel as are the pangs
of separation at the jaws of the sepulcher,
lasting as is the sense of loss, yet, from
these all good may be evolved, for only
those who have had this baptism know
how to feel for others woes, to speak
words of consolation and to keep silence
when no words can be of any avail.
Death runs his plowshnre through our
household tearing up the sod, cutting off
at the root roses and violets, and the
tender blossoms whose fragrance cheered
our lives wither and perish, but-by-and
bye richer harvest justifies the ways of
God; and, as little by little, our affec-
tions are transferred from this to another
world and the fruits of patience and
hope and resignation ripen above the
sod thus rudely up-torn, we begin dimly
to perceive that "whom God loveth He
chasteneth.
Year: 1875

er also is thus caught; may see the ears
dropping from the stocks before he has
time to quit the field. You may retire
at night the possessor of many broad
acres OF growing crops, and within
twenty-four hours have nothing left.
But wheat and other matured grains
may be harvested and saved. But if left
in the field they will cut the grain from
the head, and destroy in whole or part
even these, so that the only way to save
it is to house or stack at once. The new
'com~es are, therefore, not so destructive
as the brood from their eggs, for many
reasons which will appear. The young
brood exceeds the parents by many hun
dreds, perhaps thousands. To form an
estimate of the descending cloud is sim
ply as impossible as to calculate the
snowfiakes of n snow storm. How, then,
shall we estimate this unknown quantity
multiplied by thousands The warm
sun in the spring vitalizes the eggs first
on the highest and dryest deposits, then
on the less favored places, until the
whole are vitalized. AS soon as they ap-
pear on the surface they commence to
move south, consuming all tender vege-
tation as they progress, and in the case
OF small grain leaving the ground as bare
as before it was sown. Onions, peppers,
and rhubarb are among their favorites,
and even the wild parsnip-poison to
other animal life-is stripped to the
naked stalk.


Beast, birds, fishes, make no impress
sion on the quantity. All eat till they
are surfeited, and still they are undimin-
ished. The idea that domestic fowls or
Wild oirds of any or all kinds can in any
degree mitigate their ravages is simply
preposterous


Their time, and in fall and spring it is
about the same, is from two to three
months. The young have no wings, and
depend Oh their legs for locomotiou.
They are therefore compelled to remain
until maturod, aud continue to eat until
full-fedged, when they quit and rise as
suddenly as their ancestors came.


No parasite, as some have supposed,
preys upon them fatally. Occasionally
n dead carcass may be found with grub,
but this is most likely to be the progeny
of the blue fly, but their after-death.
OF these there are so few as to mike only
a rare occupation. The immigrants do
not perish until they have deposited
their eggs; SO that the parasites are of
little value. The young brood remain
until completely grown, and rise and
leave suddenly, and not by degrees, as
would be the case if destroyed bya para
site. They are all gone at once. No
dead are left upon the field. From the
time of leaving their original breeding
grounds until they disappear altogether
they seem to make but one stop. After
this, or in their second flight, they are
lost altogether. The most plausible
solution is that they are finally swept
into the ocean. They seldom, if ever.
alight south of Kansas or Colorado,
And if they do, it is exceptional.
Year: 1875

There was strange prediction made
in Connecticut in the last century. An
astronomer who was employed to make
the calculations for an almanac was also
in the habit of writing the weather
prophecies, without which no almanac
was then regarded as being complete.
Once, by mistake, taking the 81 une "
ary," he wrote "expect snow about this
time,' and the almanac appeared with
that prediction for the early part OF
June. But the climate of "New Eng
land and the Middle States" was not to
be beaten by an almanac maker, and
about that time, sure enough, snow did
come, to the great glorification of the
astronomer, and the great profit, there
after, of his employer.
Year: 1875

Col. Waring, in Scribner's for May,
tells the following incident of the drain
age of HARLEM lake : A curious phe-
nomenon, however, occurred in connec-
tion with the outer dixie of $he canal on
the east side of the lake, where it crossed
an area of floating soil which bordered
wide ponds near the village of Aalsmeer.
An area of many acres, detached by the
canal from the old works of defense
against the lake, found itself one fine
day driven by the tempest from the bank
of the canal to the other side of the
pond. The proprietor implored the aid
of the commission. His land had fioated
to the opposite shore, widely separated
from his other fields, and resting on
water that was not his own. By the
combined effort of tho proprietor and of
the commission, these fugitive fields
were towed back to the borders of the
canal and pinned in place by piles and
poles, which prevented them from un-
dertalsing another voyage.
Year: 1875

Professor Wilder gives these short
rules for action in case of accident ::


For dust in the eye, avoid rubbing;
dash water into them remove Gin
ders, etc., with the round point of q
lead pencil.


Remove insects from the ear by tepid
water; never put hard instrument into
the ear.


If an artery is cut, compress above
the wound; if vein is cut, compress
below.


If choked, get on all fours, and
cough.


For light burns, dip the part in cold
water; if the skin is destroyed, cover
with varnish.


Smother fire with carpets, etc. water
will often spread burning oil, and in
crease the danger.


Before passing through smoke, take n
full breath, and then stop low; but if
carbon is suspected, walk erect.


Suck poison wounds, unless your.
mouth is sore. Enlarge the wound, or,
better, cut out the part affected, or hold
the wound as long as can be borne to q
hot coal, or,end of cigar.


In case of poisoning, excite vomiting
by tickling the throat, or by water or
mustard.


For acid poisons, give strong coffee
and keep moving.


If in water float on the back, with the
nose and mouth projecting.


For apoplexy, raise the head and body;
fainting, lay the person fiat.
Year: 1875

"Out of all the buried ones, aunty,
which do you see plainest2" questioned.
Little Sally" was the quick reply.
"Little Sally who never had name till
we needed one to put ON the gravestone
over her. Little Sally who was four
months old when she died. Abby mar
ried man I could not abide. It was
Henry's wildness down to Boston gave
him the consumption. Stephen was
away from home always till he took sick,
and Martin g wife and me was never good
friends, and that took away some of the
nearness. But little Sally never lived to
give me cold look or hard word. When
my plans were the brightest, she faded
out from under 'em, and left the Joy of
my life broken in pieces. Jest think of
a velvet. touch laying forty years on
woman's withered breast. Jest think of
a little upturned pink face never fading
from out woman's empty arms. That's
been my lot and I'm satisfied to go
where my baby is awaiting for me-"