Year: 1871




WHY THE MINISTER KICKED THE DEACON.


A good many years ago, when the Method
lists were rather unpopular in the Eastern
States, a witty divine of that denomination
was serving his second year in country
town in New England. 1t was rather re-
markable in those days for the Conference to
send the same minister two successive years
to the same church, especially in a country
town; but it was done in this instance, and it
seemed to be entirely satisfactory to all con-
cerned. The clergyman enjoyed the conf
dence and love of his own church and parish,
and he had, by his piety and fidelity to the
cause of Christ, won the respect of all good
people who knew him, outside of his own par
iah -tsu une 0tner two churches-Ovn,-z-
tionalist and Baptist-had begun to manifest
a tolerance toward him and his church, quite
unusual for them.


About thanksgiving time regular attend
ant of the Baptist church died; the Baptist
minister was sick, and the Congregationalist
minister was out of town. Under these cir
cumstances, it was decided to invite the
Methodist minister to conduct the funeral ex-
eacises. The invitation was accepted, and at
the proper time the good clergyman started
for the house of mourning. He had some
four miles to travel on foot, and to save dis
tance left the road and went across fields and
through woods. Near this by-way where he
was travelling there lived an old lady-a mem
ber of his church. As he was so near, he
thought he would call moment. The old
lady did not 60 to church very often; it was
so far from her home, and she was lame, too !;
she was, therefore, of course, overjoyed to see
her minister, and what he had intended
should be momentary call was prolonged in
to quite visit, in spite OF all his efforts to get
away.


The old lady was making sausages when he
called. At last he told her he must 20, but
she said he must wait minute while she put
up mess of sausages for him to carry home
with him-enough for his family's dinner.
He tried to explain to her the improperly of
her plan under the circumstances, but she
was inexorable; take the sausages he must,
and she could fix them so there would be no
inconvenience to him, and tie matter need
not come to the knowledge of any one else.


The sausages were neatly done up in white
cloth and snugly pinned-twO .parcels-and
put in the pockets of his swallow-tailed coat
behind-a parcel in each pocket.


Then he hurried away. Innocent, kind





grief, shame, modification and sorrow of
heart this little act would cause her pastor,
and he. in his hurry to make up lost time, lit
tie dreamed what awaited him in consequence
of the old lady's gift!


When he arrived at the house of the de-
ceased, he found large company waiting.
The neghboring farmers from far and near
had assembled to pay their tribute Of respect.
and perform the last sad offices that the living
can perform for the dead; some had come in
carriages, and their horses were hitched to
the surrounding trees, fences and posts. They
had allowed their dogs to follow them. There
was large gathering of men and boys about
the yard door, waiting for the minister, who
was late; the women had mostly gone inside,
and the dogs were exchanging civilities, or in
civilities, in true dog style, as they happened
to lake liking or disliking to each other
trotting about with their tails rolled up in
rigid coils, scratching the grould aside at a
time, causing the dust 10 fly, and casting ap.
proving slances or uttering low growls ol
warning, according as they felt toward each
other.


When the minister arrived he was lrecog-
nized, shook hands with such as he was ac-
quainted with, and was introduced to others.
He had hurried to get there in time, got heat
ed up, and warmed up the sausages in his
pockets. They were very savory, and were
emitting fragrance that soon came In con-
tact with the olfactory nerves OF the hungry
dogs. The latter left off their attentions Ia
each other, and begun to snuff for the source
of the pleasant Odor, which they highly ap
preciated; and they soon traced it to the min
lister. They clustered about him in very
friendly manner, but no notice was taken Of
them; and when he went into the house, they
went too. sas


A prayer was offered at the residence, dur.
ing which the dogs smelled out the wherea
bouts of the savOry meat exactly, and In the
doing of this they greatly annoyed the minis
ter and caused his cheeks to burn and hear
to ache. After the prayer, the corpse was
carried to the church, which was near by, and
thither the whole company followed, where
the services were to be more protracted. The
dogs went too, and soon after the minister
took his place in the pulpit they began to
skrmish around his at-pockets. If il hat
been anywhere except in church, or on any
occasion but funeral, the dogs would have
been cudgeled and sent bowling away; but q
| it was, no one wished to disturb the quie
sanctity of the place by the yelping of dogs
They seemed to comprehend the situation
| and made the most of it. They went up int,
] the pulpt-a single one at time, two an,
\ three at time. Sometimes two companion
would meet coming from opposite sides 0
the pulpit, but all centering behind the min
| lister, whose only means of defense was il
kicking out behind at them, by guess; bu
the dogs were wary, good at dodging, AM
none got hit.


Thus the service went on. The mental an
| guish of the good minister cannot be describ
| ed but there was no alternative-he mus
nroceed as best he could. At last, to hi
great relie,t, he was about to close his part
the service by pronopnclng the beuediction-
had already closed ms eyes and raised h
| con of the Baptist Church wished to have Ii
| minister read notice. The deacon was
man of rather dimInutive size, and walked
lightly as cat. He had approached the pu
pit with the notice in his hand, unperceive


by the minister, and was on the stairs, with


reach, when the minister raised his hand


The deacon, to attract his attention, twiggt


his coat-tail OF course the minister thought