smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1871

He stood on hts head On the Wild sea shore,
And danced on his hands a Jig;
In all his emotions, as never before,


A madly hilarious Jig.
And whys In that vessel which left the bay


His mOther-in-law had sailed
To tropical country some distance away,


Where tigers and serpents prevailed.
He knew she had goEe TO recruit her health
And doctor her rasping cough,
But vageTed himself profusion OF wealth
That something would carry her OF.
o, now he might hope for a quiet life,


And even be happy yet,
Though owning no END OF neuralgieal wife, f,
And up 10 his collar In debt;
For she OF the specs and curled false front,
And the black alpaca robe,
Must pick out sailor to suffer the brunt
OF her next daily trial OF Job.
He watched while the vessel cut the sea,
And bumpingly upPed and downed;
And thought II already she qualmish could


be


He'd consider the edidee crowned.
He'd borne the old lady through thick and


thin,


TIL she'd lestured him out OF breath;
And now as he gazed at the ship she was in,
He howled for her violent death
Till over the azure horizons edge


The bark had retired from view,
When he lesped TO the crest ofa chalky ledge,
And praneed like a kangaroo.
Ana MANI a frhtIa,t ,,a,l h.. .s,,,
Ger the waves which had made him free,
Then cut a last eaper esta tie, and went
Turning somersault homeward to tea.
Year: 1871

Commend US TO such preachers as
the Rev. Robert COllyeF, Of Chicago.
His congregation gathered on and
about the ruins of their church, on
Sunday, and Mr.. Collyer mounted a
stone which had fallen from the cor
nice, for his pulpit. After preaching
a short but touching sermon, with no
whines or sRiyels, he concludes as
follows:


It was a day or two before 1 began
= look about and think with myself
what I could say to these, my chill
dren. At last it came to me in one
word-and this is what have TO say
about it. II you will stay by me j
will stay with you; IL you will work
with me. / will work with you, and
we will make the best fight we can
against this adverse situation, am
not going To be a burden to you You
cannot find a cheaper man anywhere
than 1 will be. I preached seven
years for seyenty-five cents year.
won't take any more than that II you
can't spare any more. l don't mean
TO task Unity Church, but l mean to
stick by you il you will stick by me.
Never fear for me, I can get along
we'll enough. People will give me
more for a lecture than they will give
some folks, and II the worst comes 70
the worst, can make as good horse
slices and nails as any man in Chi
I cagO.
Year: 1871

The old sucker, Degener, is such a
nonentity, such "demnition Z"
small quantity, so obscure, SO mean, 50
little in his baseness, that it is diff
cult matter to find out anything about
him. In fact, there is not much about
him worth knowing, except that he is
now candidate for Congress, with the
certainty of being elected to stay at
home.


There is one thing, however, for
which he does deserve some mention
"a want of sense and sublime impu-
dence. But for these striking and
remarkable qualities, he would not
now be worrying and disgusting the
voters of the Fourth District.


He wants your votes; he begs them;
but havn't you, Germans, Americans.
Mexicans and colored brothers, enough
brain substance in your craniums to



know that he is not worth voting for,
not worth the powder and lead it would
take to kill him. Did he ever do any
thing for any of you, except to show
by his speeches that he is not fit for
the position he seeks p? You have tried
him one session in CongreSs-not that
you sent him there, for his going there
was simply a lucky accident for him
self and a fraud upon his constituents.


What does he know about your in
terests ? Did you ever hear of his
giving but one vote in Congress in his
life? And that one you know he gave
wrong, having voted to disfranchise his
own constituency. After drawing his
last years pay-and God and himself
only know how much more-instead
of remaining at home attending to
your interests and welfare, as was his
duty, has lie not been trotting round
all over Europe to the neglect of his
official duties ? When you elect a man
to go to Congress, do you elect him TO
go to Europe also, you paying all ex-
penses ? How can you, in justice to
yourselves, think of voting for such an
old mutton head ?


Shoald he, by any unforeseen special
providence, be sent 10 Congress a Sec
ond time-an event more direful in its
consequences to the people of the
Fourth District than war or famine
he could never accomplish anything
for the Speaker of the House has
already found out who he is, and
would never recognize him as entitled
to the floor. He might cry out "Mr.
Speaker, Mr.. Speaker! Mr.. Speak
or !" until the crack of doom, and
he would never get a hearing. He
| knows lt-he has tried 1t before. You
ought not to give him chance to try
it again. The only thing he could do,
would be to write out speech he nev-
er spoke, and then circulate the swim
die among his constituents.


Don't vote for him; he's not worth
it. Let him go back to his own beau
tiful sisterdale, "where the woodbine
twineth," and where he can luxuriate
in all the charms of digniied ease and
elegant Obscurity, satisfying his noble
ambition in the patriotic work of dig.
ging potatoes, hOeing corn, etc, etc.
That's his proper business-let him
stick to it.
Year: 1871

The social equality bill! passed by
the Senate on Thursday, will be like
all other laws of similar character--a
dead letter on the statute books. 1t is
egregious folly to pass laws in direct
conflict with public sentiment and in
opposition to the laws of nature-they
cannot be executed.
Year: 1871

Little Quick thinks Pamela and some
other counties as hot as hell" Wait
Eddy, till your time comes, before you
pass an opinion. When you reach hell
you will think Pamela county an ice
house.
Year: 1871

Blanco county is aroused to action,
as will be seen by the following ex-
tract from private letter;


"The people of this county are
awakening from their lethargy. The
high taxes are doing the work. A
good many who have heretofore been
Radical will vote for Hancock. They
say that their own party has become
so corrupt that it is absolutely neces
sary that there should be a change
Set Blanco down one hundred majority
for Hancock. We will probably hav,
a barbecue on the Goth instant"
Year: 1871

The Democrats of Wilson county
are going to work in earnest. They
have organized club to be known as
the "Hancock Democratic Club of
Wilson county. They have also made
arrangements to have o grand barbe
cue at Sutherland Springs on the 10th
instant.
Year: 1871

" In these days of uncongenlal unions
times when apparently there is no
confidence to be placed in the most
honored and respected of our comrnu-
nity-we may give credence to almost
any report: but we doubt if the fol-
lowing, which was told us last evening
by a reliable party, can be 'odtdone in
the line of matrimonial deception.


1t appears that one of our much re-
spected fashionable ladies fell in love
with an'excee edfhglyi beautiful wrought
sash, and endeavored to persuade the
clerk to sell it to her for five dollars.
He refused, saying that he had denied
it to her husband for that stimAthat
the labor expended and the silk used
in making it, cost ten dollars, and she
could have it for that amount. e The
unsuspecting lady, with true womanly
confidence IN her husband, and with
out doubt that it was intended for
herself, paid the clerk five dollars, and
told him to say to- her husband that
he could have the sash at the, price he
had offered The clerk did as directed
but no sash did the lady receive. Af-
ter waiting patiently for several days,
she sought the clerk fora an explana-
ton. That individual affirmed that
her husband had taken it. The lady
went home, and, keeping the matter
to herself, watched the course of events
and in a few days afterward saw fair
frail one walking the street sporting
the identical SASH. 1t is quite safe to
conclude that peace on earth and good
will to men weren't triumphant in that
house about that time, and that the
lady has lost her love for beautiful
sashes.-Portlaad (1fe.) Regulator
Year: 1871

DIR. FRANKLIN used to wish that he
might, after good long nap, live the
last half of his allotted years some
time in the Nineteeth Century. His
equanimity, the greatest with which a
great man was ever endowed, might
be little disturbed if he should wake
up just now in Boston. He left by
will small sum of money, the in
come of which was to be lent to
"young married artificers." This has
been invested and reinvested, until it
now amounts to more than $150,00O,
but no young married artificer has
ever been favored with farthing of
it. 1t is now proposed to lend it in
small sums to persons of moderate
means, to enable them secure neat and
comfortable homes in the vicinity of
the city of Boston,
Year: 1871

A MAN who was driving a cow
through the streets of Waupun, Wis,
was so much fustered by q sudden
bow from a lady that, in return, he
made bow to the cow and threw q
stone at the lady. .oii,s as.sgy sges.i
Year: 1871

Court Of Oyer and Terminer-Jttdges PaSson ana


Finletter.


In the case OF the drayman Samuel Snodgrass
charged with manslaughter in causng the death OF
Michael McCloskey by driving over him, the evil
dence having been closed both Sides counsel are
now making their argument to the jury.


The colored man Perry Drummer was arraigned
Tor the murder OF the white boy John Riley ON the
night OF March l. near the opera house in Eleventh
street. and entered plea OF not guilty. The Com
monwealth made proof OF the absence of an import
ant witness and the efforts made to procure his at
tendance, and upon this the case was continued
until next term,
Year: 1871

md also the one at Where's plantation. The
danger so recently threatened should Constitute
a warning that ought not to be neglected. The
levees should be repaired at once, and their
height and strength so augmented that no SINH
lar feats can be INDUCED in the future. 1t is an
old adage and q true one that "A stitch In time
saves nine" Upon a matter of such great
moment there is not even room for doubt or In
decision.
Year: 1871

What glorious thing it is for the human
heart Those who work hard seldom yield
to fancied or real sorrow. When grief sits
down, folds its hands, and mournfully feeds
upon its own tears, weaving the dim shadows
that little exertion might sweep away into
a funeral pail the strong spirit is shorn of its
might and sorrow becomes our master When
troubles flow uponsyou dark and heavy, toll
not with the waves, and wrestle not with the
torrent; rather seek by occupation to divert
the dark waters that threaten to oyerwhelm
you, into thousand channels which the du.
ties Of life always present Before you dream
of il, those waters will fertilize the present
and give birth to fresh flowers, that will be,
come pure and holy in the sunshine which
penetrates to the path of duty in spite o.


every obstacle. Grief, after all, is but a sci.
fish feeling, and most selfish is the man who
yields himself to the indulgence of any pas.
sion which brings no JOY to his felowmen.
Year: 1871

was once walking with farmer through
beautiful field, when he CHANGED to see
tall thistle on the other side of the fence. In
an instant he sprang over the fence, and cut
it of close to the ground.


" Is that your field ?" asked.


Oh no." said the farmer, but bad
weeds don't care much for fences, and if
should leave that thistle to blossom in my
neighbor's field, should soon have plenty in
my own"


wish all fathers and mothers would think
Of that The era teeeds in your neigh5or' 5
field ,0iH scatter seeds into your oten So it
is worth while to pull them up in self-defense.
Try TO influence the little untaught child to
follow the good, the true and beautiful, not
only for his own sake, but lest he sow evil
seed in the heart Of your own child, in spite
of all your careful tending. Every weed
pulled up in your neighbor's field, is a dan
gerous enemy driven away from your own
Selected.
Year: 1871

--Christianity-the whole of it--must be
brought into closer vital contact with our
commercial, social, political life, or we cannot
escape the moral destruction which forever
follows tho undue estimate and pursuit Of
! I" material enjoyment"
Year: 1871

Kind words cost nothing, but they do
much good. They help to encourage many
poor soul that otherwise might faint and fall.
This is a work in which all may help, and
one which all may do well If they try.
Year: 1871

A YOUNG lady of New York ought to
have prize for persevering endurance in
the way of pleasure seeking On a recent
Thursday she went to large party in New
Haven, and returned by the midnight train
to New York, in order to attend a morn
ing wedding where she was to officiate as
bridesmaid, and on that evening went to a
party in Elizabeth, N. j., returning the
same night. Early the next morning she
started for Buffalo, where she was engaged
to act as bridesmaid to friend.
Year: 1871

Wife, make me some dumplngs of dough,


They're better than meat for my cough;


Pray let them be boiled till hot through,


But not till they're heavy or tough.


Now must be off to my plough,


And the boys (when they've had eR0W9h)


Must keep the flies off with b0Hgk,


While the old mare drinks at the trough.


TnE late Professor Silliman, of Yale
College, received from a company speci-
men of coal to examine, and the Professor
said he would make a test and determine
its quality. The next day the owners of
the grand discovery waited on him again,
eager to hear the verdict which was to
make or mar their fortunes. The Professor
said, with that impressive solemnity which
always marked his manner: Gentlemen, /
understand you to say that this property is
situated upon hilltop, consequently the
situation is prominent. 1t is valuable
immensely valuable-though as a coal
mine am obliged TO observe that it is a
failure. Fence it, gentlemen, fence it in,
and hold it through good and evil fortune,
till the Last Day; am convinced that it
will be the best point from which to view
the sublime spectacle of final connagration.
/ feel satisfied that if any part Of the earth
shall remain uniniured after that awful fre,
! it win Be that eoa mine Of yours.
Year: 1871

The concentration of power in stroke of lightning, acting through an incon- ceirably small interval of time, may per haps be realized after examining its work of destruction, yet its inductive action on the earth's surface is not less wonder fu1. Prof. A. M. Mayer made an ex- pertinent, some time since, which de- monstrated the extent of this action. He connected the wire of a galvanometer with the water-pipe of Baltimore, Md, |, and joined the other end of the coil to a gas-pipe of Iouse in the south western part of the city. Thus a vast metallic system of electric nerves stretched three miles towards the northwest, to the reservoir, and about as many miles to the east and southeast, over the city

 A thunderstorm was raging at the time in the north, at so great distance that only the lluminations of the clouds told whenra fash occurred. Yet whenever that flash took place, the needle of the galvanometer was instantly defected through ten or twenty degrees. So nearly simultaneous were the two occur rences that no difference in the instant of their manifestation could be detected. Shutting himself up in dark room containing the galvanometer, he signaled, when the needle moved, to an observer of tho storm, who also gave a signal whenever flash occurred; and the ex- change of signals was always found to be simultaneous. It was ascertained on the following day that the storm was more than twelve miles distant, thus showing that over 500 square miles of earth's surface was effected at each flash of the lightning.
Year: 1871

The Everglades are just a submerged prairie, and they exhibit the manner in which the great Western pEairies4 were formed. Drain the Everglades, it could be done,) and the present islands would be hills. Submerge a prairie, and it's hills would become islands, No tree is found on the Everglades, because. they are constantly covered with water j; no trees are found on the prairies, because they were long covered with water. Time will come when this vast plain will be clear of water, and then we shall have large surface, like the prairies, clear of trees. and fitted for cultivation by man. Ia these little Everglade islands thespalm fourishes, and also the orange and every other tree of Florida. The caster-oif plant grows up to be large root and sweet-potato patches merely re- quire that stirring of the ground neces- sary in removing the full-grown roots to cause the younger ones to grow and keep on growing. It is really not necessary to plant more than once. It is lazy mans paradise. No wonder the Indians were unwilling to move to the West it was not the graves of their fathers they were unwilling to leave, it was their potato and pumpkin patches. Their pumpkin is small, round and sweet they cut 1t open, put in 8 raccoon or .opossum, cover it with ashes and bake it. in the fire. The hunters think it superb dish. Another plan is to take fish just off the hook, and without scaling or cleaning, wrap it up in green leaves and bake it in the same way. Hunters use a wet newspaper. It is done when, if you tear piece of the wrapping, the skin and scales come off with it. You tear off skin and wrapping from one side, and eat the flesh, turn it over and eat the other, and throw bones and inside away.

 Indians in small numbers are still found near the Everglades. <. They. do not like the whites, are not sociable, but there is talisman that will move them out of stoicisn into cordiahty, there is sesame that will open, an Indian's heart and mouth, and thatoi is whisky. They are the only tsavages who have never invented an intoxicating liquor of their own. Their only idea of civiliza- tion is to get drunk Ride into their own country, put-up with Chief, give him whisky and promise him more, and he and his are at your service so long as your whisky lasts
Year: 1871



 A NOVEL GARDEN. young King of Bavaria has an immense garden on the roof of his palace at Munich which is said to rival the celebrated hanging gardens of Semiramis. In the center of it there is lake with fishes and swans swimming in it, and this is surrounded by woods in which there are various animals and birds, and also rock-work and grottoes. The rocks had to be hol- lowed out before transporting them to the roof, the better to enable the build ing to bear their weight There IS in the center of the garden sort of tent or pavilion of great magnifcence, which no one but .the King ever enters. i The apartments under the palace roof were formerly occupied by the ladies of honor, but they ,1 have been converted into stables, because too much time was re- quired to hoist horses to the roof when ever the King wished to ride or drive through this fairy-like resort. ~"r. .9j .-l
Year: 1871

A SINGULAR ACCIDENT. A curious and somewhat startling accident occurred in Brooklyn,N. Y. An ordinary range boiler burst and the hot water very badly scala ed lady and several children who were in the kitchen. On examination the boiler was found to be very thin. Plumbers have been in the habit of re- presenting that this class of boilers, or, more properly speaking, hot water reser- voirs might collapse from defective supply of water, but could not explode "a theory. under which thousands of families have rested in confding security. The present instance is fatal to this notion of the constitution of range boil CTS, and it is to be hoped that 1t will be carefully investigated. Nothing would add more to the discomfort of the average American household than lurking suspicion concerning the safety of it's kitchen, especially if the suspicion should gain access to the minds of the already unreliable cook and laundress.
Year: 1871

THE COMET. T.-Encke's great comet, which makes tour to the region of the sun once in about three years and at quarter, is now on its way thither, and will reach the perihilion some time in January. It will very soon come within the ken of the astronomers, but persons who have only their eyes to sec with will not have the pleasure of beholding the cratic visitor. It rounds the sun at distance of .thirty-two million miles and then darts off into space, and before it turns to come back reaches a point of three hundred and thirty-seven million miles from that lu1ninary. This comet is an object of especial interest to schol- ars, owing to the fact that the period of its revolution is gradually diminishing.

 This is supposed to prove that the re- gions of space are filled with material either capable of retarding the motion of solid bodies, the ultimate effect of which will be to destroy the centrifugal force of the planets and allow them grad rally and imperceptibly to glide into the sun. It will take a long time for the earth to reach that destination, but Encke's comet periodically reminds us that such is it's final doom. d. .''.-t
Year: 1871

HENS IN, PLACE OF Docs. There is hardly 8 family that does not throw away enough table scraps to keep ut least dozen hens and many that keep nuisance in the shape of dog, that does no good, but costs more than a dozen good hens.: One, dog ina neigh borhood is generally a greater trouble to the neighbors than a flock of hens would be; for if hens are well feed at home, they will rarely go away But who ever saw dog .thatwas not pest, run ming across the newly made garden, and sticking his nose into everything. Kill off CUTS and give the food to the hens,a ,and you will find pleasure as we'll as profit in so doing We wish there was g tax of $10O on every dog kept in the country. These that are of value as watch dogs, could be retained, while the host of snarling, dirty. CUTS would give place to some more useful and less troublesome pet. V. s''- ''.'' 'H'
Year: 1871

ONLY TEEN Only when a mistress knows how to cook 9 dinner can she truly be mistress in her own house. She who can at once put her own train. ed hand to the machine in any spot where hand is needed, never comes tc be the slave of servants.