Year: 1875

HOW I BECAME A BILLIONAIRE.


was sitting in my Office musing upon
the subject of wealth, and the unequal
dlstrlo' ition of property in this world.
IN my meditations this question kept
forcing itself "pon my mind: Why is it
that man is sent into this world with
out previous consultation or arrange
ment, and at the very beginning of life
Is Informed that he must get money,
money, money-must root hog or die
I could not answer the question. Yeti
know that have been insulted and hui
inflated with such q statement many
times Why, also asked myself, is it
That can't enjoy all that is beautiful
and glorious m this world without hay
, ing money. money, money! I couldn't
tell why it was-thought it might be
owing to an artificial state of things; but
it was plain to me that couldn't. While
pond sring on these matters, suddenly
resolved that / would have money, since
Mt was 80 necessary, and I said to myself
L am going to Lave wealth; yes, I am de-
termined to have wealth; yes, i shrieked,
L will have vast wealth; will be as rich
as Croesus. How shall I attain it
Shall rob national bank2 No. Shall
L induce some rich man to call me liar,
S~AA 4" "ihAOi, ttitt u POI JUuCl NIIill, dIlu
sue him for SANDER and recover q large
verdict No. I will get rich honestly.
will do it in this way, and fell to So
hloquizng in this manner: have a
watch worth $50. 1 will trade that
watch for horse. I shall make a good
trade. The horse will exchange for
yoke of oxen. / will fatten the oxen,
and get them in very nice order, and sell
them for Christmas beef for $400. I will
invest that sum in mess pork, and it will
rise in an unprecedented manner, and I
will convert my S400 into 200.


With this sum 1 will proceed to
France. L will go into the country
about Rouen and buy twelve Norman
stations. In crossing the ocean one of
them will die, but will dispose of the
Others in very advantageous manner,
and realize 81, 900 on that transaction.
ton, and / will say to him: Mr.. Fenton,
1 have been extremely fortunate with my
Norman stations. 1 have made large
sum of money. I desire to buy your sec
tion of land. will give you $11 ZOO.
He will say it is q fine piece of land, but
L believe will accept your proposition,
and he will Immediately make me deed.
Next day he will come to me and say he
is sick of the sale, and will offer me $780,
900 for the farm. 1 will greedily accept
his offer, and give him back his farm. 1
will invest my $25, ZOO in Cashmere
goats, and make an enormous profit on
them. When L dispose of my goats I
will be worth $4,000. L will then COM
mence shaving good notes, and the COM
,.munity will soon be startled with the in
!: teHigence that / am worth q hundred
thousand. About this time I will be
elected president of historical society.
L will take this hundred thousand and 20
to a sparsely settled country, and buy q
large amount of land. will lay out d
town on the land, and call it Nineveh. I
will sell great many town lots, and I
will judiciously offer the "Pilgrim's
Progress rs prize to any one buying
two lots; the town will build up very
rapidly and will become railroad juno
ton; the railroads will make my land
very valuable, and I will sell it in small
tracts to poor men, giving them q bond
for deed, providing for forfeiture on
the slightest failure on their part. I will
sell out all my land and town lots final
1y, and I will be worth half million. I
will then be elected to the State Senate,
and will be chairman of the judiciary
committee, also of the committees on
EDUCATION and federal relations.


About this time will buy a township
OF land, and will give employment to
1000 hands. OF course I will build an
elegant and palatial country residence.
will carry ON farming operations for
five years very extensively, and, at the
end of that time, I will sell my town
ship for double what gave for it. 1
will then be millionaire. The degree
of LII. ID. will be conferred upon me,
and will be twice chosen to represent
my people in Congress. I will be
chairman OF the ways and means COM
mittee, and the leader of the House.
When I rise to speak the first tinfe,
everybody in the chamber will turn
pale, and there will be profound sileace.