Year: 1876

Mr.. Jones' Suicide.


philadelphia Dulletin.l


His name was not Alcibiades Jones,
but for the sake of avoiding scandal we
will call him that. He lives in certain
town in Montgomery county. Some
time ago he woOed and lost Miss Julia
Bangs. He was perfectly desperate over
his defeat, and his friends feared that
some evil consequences would ensue.
Their apprehensions were realized;
Jones called upon Peter Lamb and
asked him if he had a revolver, and
Peter said he had. Jones asked Lamb to
lend it to him, and Peter did 80. Then
Jones informed Peter that he had made
up his mind to commit suicide. He said
that since Miss Bangs had dealt so un-
kindly with him he felt that life was an
insupportable burden, and he intended to
60 down by the river shore and there
blow out his brains, and so end all this
suffering and grief, and bid farewell to a
world that had grown dark to him. He
said that he mentioned the fact to Lamb
in confidence, because he wanted him to
perform some little offices for him when
he was gone. He intrusted to Lamb a
sonnet entitled "a Last Farewell" and
addressed to Julia Bangs. This, he said,
should be delivered to her as soon as his
corpse was discovered. He said it
might excite a pang in her bosom, and
induce her to cherish his memory. Then
he gave Peter his watch as a keepsake,
and handed him forty dollarswith which
he desired Mr.. Lamb to purchase a
tombstone. He said he would prefer a
plain one with his simple name cut upon
it, and he wanted the funeral to be as
transformations as possible.


Peter promised to fulfill these com.
missions, and he suggested that he would
lend Mr.. Jones a bowie knife with
which he could slash himself up if the
pistol failed.


But the suicideI said that he would
make sure work with the revolver, al
though he was much obliged for the offer
all the same. He said he would like
Lamb to 60 around in the morning and
break the news as gently as possible to
his unhappy mother, and to tell her that
his last thought was of her. But he par
ticularly requested that she would not
put on mourning for her erring son.


Then he said that the awful act would
be performed on the beach, just below
the gas works, and he wished Peter to
come out with some kind of vehicle to
bring the remains home. If Julia came
to the funeral she was to have seat in
the carriage next to the hearse, and if
she wanted his heart it was to be given
to her in alcohol. 1t beat only for her.
Peter was to tell his employers at the
store that he parted with them with re-
gret, but doubtless they would find some
other person more worthy of their conf
dence and esteem. He said he didn't
care where he was buried, but let it be
in some lonely place far from the tur-
moil and trouble of the world-some
place where the grass grows green and
where the birds come to carol in the
early spring time.


Mr.. Lamb asked him if he preferred
deep or a shallow grave; but Mr.. Jones
said it made very little difference-when
the spirit was gone the mere earthly
clay was of little account. He owed
seventy cents for billiards down at the
saloon, and Lamb was to pay that out of
the money in his hands, and to request
the clergyman not to preach a sermon at
the cemetery. Then he shook hands
with Peter and went away to his awful
doom.


The next morning Mr.. Lamb wrote to
Julia, stopped in to tell them at the
store, and nearly killed Mrs. Jones with
the intelligence. Then he borrowed
Cooley's wagon, and, taking with him
the coroner, he drove out to the beach
just below the gas works to fetch home
the mutilated corpse. When they ar
rived at the spot the body was not there,
and Peter said he was very much afraid
it had been washed away by the food
tide. So they drove up to Keyser's
house, about half a mile from the store,
to ask if any of the folks there had heard
the fatal pistol shot or seen the body.
On going around to the wood-pile they
saw Keyser holding terrier dog backed
close up against log. The dogs tail
was lying across the log, and another
man had the ak uplitted. A second
later the ak descended and cut the tail
off close to the dog, and while Keyser
restrained the frantic animal the other
man touched the bleeding stump with
caustic. AS they let the dog 60, Lamb
was amazed to see that the chopper was
the wretched suicide. He was amazed,
but before he could ask any questions
Alcibiades stepped up to him and said:


Hush-sh-sh Don't say anything
about that matter. l thought better of
it. The pistol looked so blamed danger
Gus when cooked it that changed my
mind, and came over here to Keyser's to
stay all night. Pm going to live just to
spite that Bangs girl"


Then the coroner said that he didn't
consider he had been treated like gen.
tleman, and he had half a notion to give
Mr.. Jones pounding. But they all
drove home in the wagon, and just as
Mrs. Jones got done hugging Alcibiades,
a letter was handed him concerning the
sonnet he had sent Julia. She returned
it with the remark that it was the aw-
fullest slush she ever read, and she knew
he hadn't courage enough to kill him
self. Then Alcibiades went back to the
store, and was surprised to find that his
employers had so little emotion as to
dock him for half days absence. What
he wants now is to ascertain If he can
not compel Peter Lamb to give up that
watch. Lamb says he has too much re-
spect for the memory of his unfortunate
friend to part with 1t, but he is really
sorry now that he ordered that tomb
stone.


On the 1st of May, Jones' bleeding
heart had been so far staunched as to en-
able him to begin skirmishing around
the affections of girl named Smith, and
if she rejects him he thinks that tomb
stone may yet come into play. But we
all have our doubts about it.


Punishment OF a Wife.Whipper.


An Attica Qnd.) man, who was
brought before the Police Court for whip
ping and ill-treating his wife, was fined
$40, but he would not pay it, and said
he would die before he would work on
II c. L. Ill