Year: 1873

expressed in the book before you; the
words Of truth you have heard from wo-
mans pure lips; it is for YOU TO decide
according to the acquisitions Of nature
and the DEGREES Of Justice"


/ need not say that our decision was
in favoro the defendant, and the plain
tiff went forth followed by the contempt
OF every honorable person who was pres
ent at the trial,


An Encounter with the Family stove and


Piping.


Putting up stove is not difficult in
itself. It is the pipe that raises four
fiftbs Of the mischief and all the dust.
You may take down stove with all the
care in the world, and have your wife
put away the pipe in a secure place, and
yet that pipe wont come together again
as it was before. You find this out
when you are standing on chair with
your arms full Of pipe and your mouth
full of SCOT. Your wife is standing on
the floor in position that enables her
to see you, the pipe and the chair, and
here she gives utterance to those re-
marks that are calculated to hasten a
man into the extremes of insanity. Her
dress is pinned over her waist. and her
hands rest on her hips. She has got one
of your hats on her head, and your linen
coat on her back, and pair of your
rubbers on her feet. There is about five
cents worth Of pot-black on her nose and
lot of flour on her chin, and altogether
she is spectacle that would inspire a
dead man with distrust And while
you are up there trying to circumvcnt
the awful contrariness of the pipe, and
telling that you know some fool has
been mixing it, she stands safely on the
floor, and bombards you with such do
mestic notices as: 'What's the use of
swearing so:" "You know no one has
touched that pipe" "You amt got
more patience than child" "Uo be
careful of that chair" And then she
goes off, and reappears with an armful
of more pipe, and, before you are aware
of it, she has got that pipe SO horribly
mixed up that it does seem no pieces are
alike.


You join the ends and work them to
and fro, and to and fro again, and then
YOU take them apart and look at them.
Then you spread one out and jam the
other together, and mount them once
more. But it is no go. You begin to
think the pieces are inspired with life,
and ache to kick them through the win.
dow. But she doesn't lose her patience
She goes around with that awfully eX-
asperating rigging on, with a length OF
pipe under each arm, aud a long
handled broom in her hand, and say,
she don't see how it is some people ney
er have any trouble putting up stove


Then you miss the hammer. You dom
see it anywhere. You stare into th'
pipe, along the mantel, and down OF
the stove, and off to the floor. You


wife watches you, and is finally thought


tul enough to inquire what you ar'


looking after, and on learning, pulls The


article from her pocket. Then you fee


as if you could get out doors and swea
hole twelve 1eet square through


block of brick buildings, and she merel.


observes: "Why on earth don't yo'


speak when you want anything; no


stare like dummy" When tina


part of the pipe which goes through Il


wall is up, she keeps it up with he
broom, while you are making the con


nection, and stares at it with an intens


ty that Is entirely uncalled for All tn
while your position is becoming mor
and more interesting. The pipe don
; 90 together, of course. The SCOT shake
, down into your eyes and mouth, tn
sweat oils down your face and tickle
.. your chin as it drops off, and it seems 4
If your arms are slowly but surely draw
. ing out of their sockets. Here you
wife comes to the rescue by inquiring
= you are going to be all day doing notl
q ing, and if you think her arms are mac
!, of cast-iron, and then the broom slil
= off the pipe, and in her endeavor to T.
. cover her hold she jabs you under Il
= chin with the handle, and the pll
! comes down on your head with its loa
u of fried SCOT, and the chair tits TO
II ward enough to discharge your fee
=. and you come down on the wrong Ell
;, of that chair with a force that won
= bankrupt pile-driver. You don't touC
), that stove again. You leave your wi
examining the chair and bemoaning
: injuries, and 90 into the kitchen al
wash your skinned and bleeding han'
- with yellow soap. Then you go dow
= street after man to do the bushes
= and your wife goes over to the neig
= bors with her chair and tells them abo
- - its injuries, and drains the neighborho
= dry of its sympathy long before you {
% home.-Ddn6ary Negs.