Year: 1876

At recent spelling match, one man
speit it ''pasnip, and got beet.


A Concord, n. t., man tried a long
time TO open the first postal card he ever
received.


Why shoald it be easy to break into
an old mans house2 Because his gait
is broken and his locks are few.


Poor Tweedt they've even denied him
stay. Bat of corset's all right, you
know.


':That was very greedy of you, Tom
my, to eat your little sisters share of
cake y you told me, ma, I was ALWAYS
to take her part, said Tommy.


s'What is conscience p asked school
master Of his class. can inward moni-
tor" replied bright little fellow. "And
what's a monitor % Gone of the IRON
clads."


"Don't you think, " said a husband in
a mild form of rebuke to his wife, ''that
women are Possessed by the devil -
eyes, was the answer, cas- soon as they
are married" "


While an Iowa woman was struggling
in the water, and likely to drown, her
husband yelled out ''New bonnet
swim for life !" and she kicked out and
safely reached the shore.





At little gathering the other evening
somebody asked q man if he was fond of
opera. He said he was, passionately.
He always liked that part where the lady
rides around and jumps through the
hoops.


Get Brooklyn girl thoroughly mad
and the fruits of carefully religious
training are not conspicuous in the fury
with which she unships her hustle and
wrecks it over the head of her adversary


A young lady dressed in much false
hair was warbling at the piano, and when
her mother summoned her to assist in
some household duties, her rosy lips
opened poutingly and snapped out, go,
do it yourself p And then went on sing
ing, ''Kind words can never die"


We notice seventy-five cent shirts ad-
vertised in our city exchanges. We shall
never insult our manhood by getting
into as cheap rig as that. No ! rather
let us continue to deceive an unsuspect-
h o oI- f,,11
pinned to the crater of close-buttoned
vest.


Glow would you make believer of
an incredulous man p asked one gentle
man of another pot long since. 81 think
the surest way would be to set him over
a hive" was the reply ''and I cal
culate that after he'd been stung once or
twice he would become 6ee-IeaUer in
earnest ~


A gushing and enthusiastic writersays
the Polish ladies have certain ''haunt-
ing loneliness" about them. The only
time when a man really appreciates what
''haunting loveliness'' means is when he
sneaks in by the back way at one a. NJ,
and finds his wife waiting for him with
rolling-pin at the head of the kitchen
stairway.


When a man comes home and tries to
bolt his door with a sweet potato, pokes
the fire with the spout of coffee-pot,
attempts to wind up the clock with his
boot-jack, tries to cut kindling wood for
the morning fire with a paper-knife,
takes cold potato i'll hand to light him
to bed, and prefers sleeping with his hat
and boots on, you may reasonably infer
that he has been making the accquaint
ance of some very friendly people.


A Fort Madison man went into his
cow stable the other day, and, by mis-
take, mixed her up a nice mash in box
full Of saw dust instead of bran. The
COW, merely supposing the hard times
had come and they were all going to
economize, meekly ate her supper, and
that man never discovered his mistake
until the next morning, when he MIXED
that COW, and she le5 down half gallon
of turpentine, quart of shoe pegs, and
a bundle of laths.