Year: 1873

China has abolished the kowtow. We
don't know what it is, but we are glad
it is abolished, for we never liked it.


The creditors of an absconding bank
er found, on opening his safe, that the
only thing he had laid up for rainy
day was an umbrella.


An orphan, under age, married his
female guardian in Illinois the other
day, and was compelled to get her writ
ten consent before the wedding could
take place.


"What should talk about this even
ing:" asked prosy speaker of one of
his expectant auditors. "About quart
er of an hour would be just about the
thing was the reply.


A man having bill against distant
merchant, sent letter of inquiry to a
banker of that locality. The reply was,
"He is dead; but he pays now just as
well as he ever did"


A parent writes that he is annoyed
and panied by his young son staying out
at night, and asks a remedy for this
rapidly growing evil. There are sew
eral remedies. The most effectual is
to compel him to wear patched clothing.


There was giants in those days, but
it is very uncertain when those days
were. Out in Indiana some workmen
have been digging up human bones of
great size, which must have belonged
to race of men who would rival the
sons of Anak.


A man who was discovered asleep
among lot of tombstones in stone
cutters yard said, on being awakened,
, that he had come in to buy monument
for himself, and having picked out one,
made up his mind he would try it one
night before purchasing.


"James Jenkins" said school-mas-
ter to his pupil, "what is an average:"


ga thing. SIR answered the scholar,
promptly, "that hens lay eggs upon. y


"Why do you say that, you silly boy:"
asked the pedagogue.


"Because, sir, said the youth, 81
heard a gentleman say the other day that
a hen would lay, on an average, hum
dred and twenty eggs a year"


A crowd of quarrelsome people were
dispersed from the front of residence
in very singular and sudden manner
one night. A stranger visiting the
family slipped into the crowd unper-
ceived, and extending an inverted hat,
announced that he was making mis-
sionary collection. Two minutes later
he stood there alone, with not single
member of the turbulent mass to be
seen in any direction.


A young gentleman telegraph opera
tor in Hartford, after repeated calls for
young lady operator in another Office,
at last got response, and then he
telegraphsd back to her: 81 have been
trying to get you for the last half hour" "
In moment the following spicy reply
came tripping back to him over the
wires from the telegraphic maiden /:
"That's nothing. There is a young
man here been trying to do the same
thing for the last two years, and he
hasn't got me yet"


A Partisan dentist, who has a small
villa in the outskirts, has raised upon a
mound at the bottom of his little gar
den a summer-house built entirely of
human teeth. From distance it looks
very nice, but close, certainly rather
extraordinary. A short time since the
dentist sent his servant into the country
with orders to put the house in order
and clean the summer-house. Five
days having elapsed, and the servant
not returning, his master lost patience,
and made his way to the villa. There
he found his man diligently occupied
in cleaning the summer-house-with a
tooth brush!


1t seems that it is not always safe to
buy your fish even at the seaside, for
proximity to the briny waves does not
assure freshness. Here is an incident
from a well-known watering place.
The vendor of soles called visitors at
tention TO his stock in trade, but found
that the stranger would not deal, for
the reason that the last fish purchased
of the vendor was so bad that it had to
be thrown away.


"Well, marm," was the defense, +" it
was your own fault, not mine for 1
was calling them soles in front of your
house for three days before you'd buy
EN-"