Year: 1876

EVERY old maid can boast Of two
beaus, but they are elbows


NEVER apply depreciating epithet to
child or servant; it never does any
good, but always an unmitigated harm.


DON'T moralize to man who is on his
back. Help him up, see him firmly on
his feet, and then give him advice and
means


MISS HAWK, of New York, wants the
Legislature to change her rame. This
is leap year. Let her swoop down on
some male chicken and make him change
it.


A NEW book is entitled Die Haupts-
troemunger der Literatur des Neungehn-
ter Jahrhunderts." This title will give
! you all the necessary time to get out of
the back door while the agent is men,
tioning it.


MISS Rose" Goodness the FIRE isout.
thought it was very cold" Beau
Shall get my overcoat and put it on
your Miss Rose -" Oh, no; but (glanc-
ing at the clock) hadn't you better put it
on yourself p


The man who said he'd "neyer run
away from danger, all got to die ssme
time, you know" was observed getting
round the corner in very lively time
the other day, when team of horses
ran away with wagon load of giant
powder.


RAGE is essentially vulgar, and never
vulgarer than when it proceeds from
mortified pride, disappointed ambition
or thwarted willfulness. A baffled despot
is the vulgarest of dirty wretches, no
matter whether he be the despot of ma
tion vindicating its rights, or donkey
sinking under its load.


A REJECTED POEM.


far away in the wild western prairie
no body is living there,
away in the eastern Sahara
nobody is living there,
except q few wandering travellers
travelling here and there


far away on the western pacific


nobody is living there;
| far away ON the eastern atlantic
| no body is living Ihere


except q few wandering seamen
sailing here and there
away on the border Of northern arctic
no body is living there,
on the border of southern antarctic
nobody Is living there
except few cold frozen trappers
trapping here and there.
! GRATITUDE is the fairest blossom which
springs from the soul, and the heart of
man knoweth none more fragrant. While
its opponent, ingratitude, is deadly
weed, not only poisoning in itself, but
impregnating the very atmosphere in
which it grows with fetid vapors-


BEAUTY is very often closely related
to and dependent upon circumstances.
Cleopatra herself wouldn't have looked
so exceedingly lovely with her head
thrown back. her jaws pried open, aad
dentist standing over her trying to tun-
mel one of her molars with an Egyptian
tooth augur.


! EVERY man has lesson to learn in
| life; to depend on himself Don't wait
for your father to start You in the world.
Start yourselfl Well risk but what
you will do well enough if you look all
obstacles squarely in the face and say:
Get out of my way, or I'll move you
out of iti'' And having said that, if it
don't go, make it 60. Don't give up to
it. Don't be put down by it


IT is great thing to look away. Be
bWccu iOftCk Watic. cSA48ho pm 04&C .S"-
and grind and gnaw ones life. It is 50
natural, when things go wrong indoors,
to sit and look out Of window, if the
window looks anywhere. You think
that you are sulky and miserable-per-
haps you mean to be at first; but pres
emily you have gotten all over it You
have gone out from yourself, away of
among tree branches and cloud-islands,
carrying your trouble with you, and
here you give it the slip, and leave it
melt away.


The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table
saws: IF man attacked my opinions
, in print, would reply? Notl. Do you
think ] don't know what my friend, the
professor, long ago called the hydrostatic
paradox of controversy Don't I know
what that means? Well, I'll tel you.
You know that if you had bent
tube, one arm of which was
the size of pipe-stem, and the
other big enough to hold the ocean,
: water would stand at the same height
in one as the other. Controversy equal
, ICES fools and wise men in the same way,
and the fools know it.