Year: 1871




care. l don't know why this is,
| suppose it is something in my
countenance; if | knew what,
would have it extracted. | don't
like having unprotected females
and school boys and girls turned
over to me. It's little hard on q
man. And what is the good of
IL. Nobody needs protection if
any one does, it is a benevolent,
good looking, innocent sort of
iman-such as the writer of this


/ was leaving on the morning
train once from Philadelphia,
when a respectable looking old
scoundrel in gold-rimmed glasses
asked me to take charge of hi:
daughter. She could have taken
charge of me. She was 80 if g
day, and with a face that had
been on the offensive for ten years
Id like to see any man attack that
woman ; Id go odds ten to enc on
the scratch.


The old fellow seemed to be in
great hurry, and thrusting the
lady under my arm left the cars
and drove off. In q thin angular
voice, that was meant to be very
sweet and was not, she asked me
to take her pocket book and get
the necessary ticket. | left the
car for that purpose, but when ]
approached the opening where the
ticket agent, kept in solitary con.
fnement, snaps at the world out
side, | found that l had left my
pocket book undet my pillow at
the hotel, aud what was worse,
/ my watch with it. / had about
twenty minutes and jumped into
a hack. promise d the driver tt n
dollars II he would get to the ho-
tel and back in time for the train.
lie started off at q furious rate,
ran over an apple stand, crippled
venerable gentleman on the cor
ner opposite, and in less than the
| time stated | and the driver found
ourselves marched off to the sta,
ton house in the hands of the po
lice. We were taken before a
corpulent Justice of the Peace,
who had as much adipose in his
head as most men carry about
their muscles, and it took the old
! fellow two hours TO try, reprimand
/ and fine us fer our drunken and
disorderly conduct. Of course
the train went off with my charm
er. 1t went without her pocket
book. | never saw her again, al
though | made a dlligent search
and advertised in the daily papers.
But cne unfortunate day, some
months after, | encountered a
male member of her family, who
made some serious charges against
me, connected with the desertion
of q lady and stealing her pocket
book. | tried TO explain; but
falling TO get my word in satisfac-
torily, was forced to make an as
sault Oh this male member Of her
family, that ended in some black
eyes and bloody noses.


Now what was the good of put
ting that aged female under ny
care. 1t only led her to give me
that pocket book and the catastro.
phe that followed. She could
just as well have gone of on the
Pennsylvania Central without as
with me. The thing is an outrage.
II people want to put their females
under the care Of anybody, lei
them try the conductors-they are
hired for such purposes-and not
impose upon innocent passengers,
/ was reminded of this by an
adventure that happened TO me
the other night in New York.
was about leaving on the 9 o'clock
train for Washington, when a man
who Was in search of me ap'
preached. i knew Re was IN
search of me. He was in search
of some respectable, benevolent
individual to put a woman under
his care. And he did. She hap
pened TO be rather good looking,
and | didn't object in q violent
way, but | was neither very grace.
full nor gracious over the compli.
ment. When | came to secure a
section in the sleeping-car, | found
that a delegation of pious people
were going to Washington on some
charitable business, and had ia.
ken nearly all the berths. / Sc
cured two--at least / thought ]
midland marched my female
with her two carpet sacks, strap
satchel, a mocking bird, and a sill
umbrella, with waterproof, ant
two shawls done up in q strap