Year: 1870

Mark Twain, in the Galaxy.


My beautiful new watch had run
eighteen months without losing or
gaining, and without breaking any
part of its machinery or stopping.
| had come to believe it intallible
in its Judgment about the time of
day, and to consider its constitution
and its anatomy imperishable. But
at last, one night, l let it run down.
/ grieved about it as if it were a
recognized messenger and forerun-
ncr of calamity. But by and by l
cheered up, set the watch by guess,
and commanded my bodings and
superstitions to depart. Next day,
! stepped into the chief jewelers. to
set it by the exact time, and the head
Of the establishment took it out of
my hand and proceeded to set it for
me. Then he said, 'she is four
minutes slow-regulator wants push
ing up | tried to stop him-tried
to make him understand that the
watch kept perfect time. But no;
all this human cabbage could see
was that the watch was four minutes
slow, and the regulator must be
pushed up a little; and so, while |
danced around him in anguish, and
bcseeched him to let the watch alone,
he calmly and cruelty did the
shameless decd. My watch began
to gain. 1t gained faster and faster
day by day. Within week it
sickened to raging fever, and its
pulse went up to one hundred and
fifty in the shade. AT the end of the
month it had left all the time pieces
of town far in the rear, and was Il
fraction over thirteen days ahead Of
the almanac. 1t was away in No
vcmbcr enjoying the snow; while
the October leaves were still turning.
1t hurried up house rent, bills pay


able, and such things, in such a
ruinous way that | could not abide
it. took it to the Matchmaker to
be regulated. He asked me if had
ever had it repaired. | said no, it
had never needed any repairing.
He looked look of vicious happi-
ness, and eagerly pricd the watch
open, then put small dice-box into
his eye and peercd into the machin-
cry. He said it wanted cleaning
and oiling, besides regulating
come in week. After being oiled
and cleaned and regulated, my
watch slowed down to that degree
that it tickcd like a tolling bell. l
began to be left by trains, | failed
all appointments, got to missing
my dinner; my watch strung out
three days grace to four, and let me
90 to protest; | gradually drifted
back into yesterday, then day before,
then into last week, and by and by
the comprehension came upon me
that all solitary and alone was
lingering along in week before last,
and the world was out of sight. i
seemed to detect in myself a sort OF
sncaking fellowfecling for the num-
my in the museum, and a desire to
swap news with him. went to a
matchmaker again. He took the
watch all to pieces while | waited,
and then said the barrel was swell
ed lie said he could reduce it in
three days. After this, the watch
aceroged well, but nothing more.
For half a day it would go like the
very mischief, and keep up such a
barking and Wheeling and whoop-
ing and sneezing and snorting, that
l could not hear myself think for
the disturbance; and as long as it
held out, there was not watch in
the land that stood any chance
against it. But the rest of the day it
would keep slowing down and fool
ing along until all the clocks it left
had caught up again. So at last, at
the end Of twenty-four hours, il
would trot up to the Judges stand
all right and just on time. 1t would
show fair and square average, and
no man could say it had done more
or less than its duty. But a correct
average is only a mild virtue in q
watch, and l took this instrumen,
to another matchmaker. He said
the kingbolt was broken. Twas glad
it was nothing more serious. Totel


the plain truth, | had no idea what
the kingbolt was, but | did moi
choose to appear ignorant to {
stranger. He repaired the kingbolt
but what the watch gained in on,
way it lost in another. 1t woult
run awhile and then stop awhile
and then run awhile again, and SC
on, using it's own discretion about
the intervals. And every time i


went off it kicked back like mus


ket. l padded my breast for a few


days, but finally y took the watch t.


another matchmaker. He picke,


the watch all to pieces and turne'


the ruin over and over under hi


glass, and then he said there ap
+ peared to be something the matte
with the hair-trigger. He fixed j
|, and gave it fresh start. 1t di'
well now, except that always at te
| - l. Il