smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1875

HUMoR IN SARCASM The sting ip ssr- casm lies in the intention of the speaker. and one may trust that the best of the pleasantrles over winch succeeding genera tions have made merry were uttered with enough good hurer to take most of the venom Out of them. There was surely a genial smile on the face of Nj. d'Argenson when he congratulated his ignorant neph- CIV on his appointment as librarian to the King. and observed that he would now have a fine opportunity of learning to read. Illuminated with gracious smile must also have been the famous retort of the Prefects wife to Napoleon. She had been an Ob. Ject of gossip, and Napoleon meeting her at state ball, rudely addressed her Well, madam, are you as fond of men as ever " The poor lady had the presence of mind to answer, "Yes sire, when they are polite !" upon which the Emperor turned away rather abruptly, and illustrated the little ness of his mind hy depriving her husband of his place three days later. And the al legged impertinence of Abernethy must have been relieved with grim humor and bon homie, that took away much of their gross ness. The Duke of Norfo k who applied to him for treatment, probably enjoyed as well as needed an heroic diagnosis, for ht notoriously paid little attention to his per son. 'Did your grace ever try clean shirt 2' and what free masonry of good fellowship is implied in the very terms of the question It is difficult to know where to 6raw the line between what Ia permissible in conversation and what is not. Retirc tions on the moral character of anybody while that person Is present is unpardon able. however brilliant may be the wit In in which they are wrapped. Of course there Is further rule which Is very com prehensive-namely, that nothing shoulc eyer be said hat will in any way give pain to any person within hearing. Blu while human nature remains as it has beer from the beginning. men can hardly be ex pected to refrain from 8 thousand-apd-on on, ways of suggesting to each other that they are fools.
Year: 1875

An industrious citizen of San Juan arose few mornings ago, while the festive lark was still snoring. and with 8 tin bucket uu- der his arm went to the barn to milk the family COW. It was dark and rainy, and in fumbling about for old Brindle he gol into the wrong pew and began to pail the off mule of his wagon team. He can't re- member now which side of the roof he went out at, but his recollection of slight- ing on the picket fence is very vivid. He expects the bucket down iu few days.
Year: 1875

The capital stock of said corporation shall be twelve thousand dollars, and the said capital stock shall be divided into four hundred and eighty shares, of twenty i've dollars each share.
Year: 1875

REVENGE is sweet, especially to n
young man who has grievance against
e of the fair sex whom he magines has
sighted him, or been sweeter on an au-
dacious rival. Various are the vexatious
ways he takes to even up on the score,
but the following, as related by Fay'
the Brooklyn correspondent of the Louis
vile JOulNdt, surpasses all we have
heard in impudence and ingenuity ~
girl Of Brooklyn gave party to which
she invited a number Of her companions.
A young man who lal Il grudge against
the girl called upon each young lady and
offered himself as an escort. 10 each he
said Don't tell that | am going to
the party with you, for have a reason
which | will give you whom l call.
The girls had new dlesse3 made, were
visited by hair dressers and made all 9th
or prepala ions. Each Oh waited in vain
for her escort, and he did not call tor
any, so that party was minus girls, and
he actually had the audacity to att nd
the party, that he might enjoy the di
comfort Of the hostess, who perpetually
wondered why 50 many staid away
This sort Of revenge was 50 startling that
was anxious for particulars as to the
number OF thrashings the young villain
g +, but, to my regret, was told that it
was thought both funny and ingenious
way Of giving tit lor tat"
Year: 1875

Go AWAY! Leave me with my dead
Let me fling myself on his coffin and die
there. That was in Kansas six months
ago, and now the widow has won anoth
er trusting soul, and No. Is portrait is in
the attic, face to the wall.
Year: 1875

NEVADA brides won't stand much fool
isAness at a wedding. Recently, one Of
them while going up the aisle Of the
church stopped short and kicked all the
skin Off The Sims Of gr omsman who
trod on her tail.
Year: 1875

without doubt that they can understand what Is
coming it they elect the Opposition lenders TO
rule Cook County.


Following is a comparative statement OF the
ealary of the Clerk Of the Town Of South Chicago
for the yea1s named:
Year: 1875

HIS QUANDAIY-Last evening a
man standing in front of a Griswold
street barber shop was seen TO feel of
his face and was heard to soliloquize :


"les, ought to be shaved. They
charge ten cents for shaving, and ten
cents buys two glasses of lager.
can't say that getting shaved helps
the constitution any, but doctors
recommend lager as a healthy tonic.
Therefore it is my duty to myself to
invest my money where it will do the
most good, and here goes for lager
Detroit Free Press.
Year: 1875

ADVICE FOR Dull TINES. is
great bother. II only brings lot of folks
to your place Of business. Ifthey want you,
let them hunt you mp. Then if you get
your name in the papers you will he bored by
drummers, and people from the country will
call on you and you will have to show them
goods, and like enough have to do up bun
dies for them, which will exhaust your stock
so much that you will be obliged to buy more
goods, which is great trouble. If you ad-
vertise, too, it gives your place reputation
abroad folks will go there and crowd you,
and make it too lively. If you don't want to
do anything, keep as still as you CAM y.
Coml .4drerfiser.
Year: 1875

The endless difficulties, perplexitics


and Estates of mind into which writers


upon hygiene are constantly getting Us


with their contradictory notions about


what we shall eat, and what we shall
drink, and wherewithal we shall be
clothed, is something fearful to contem-
plate. 1t has long since been said that
if man partook of food which all
agreed upon as perfectly healthful, he
would starve to death directly. 1t seems
to be the delight of some writers to over
throw the few principles which por-
ton of mankind have considered be.
yond question. For example, sleep
ing with the window open has long


been regarded as ''the" thilIgxo do in
order to live long and happy, hi.8 some
of lis has endured martyrdom for the
sake of principle, and dressed and un-
dressed, and shivered and shook in our
determination to live according to the
rules of health. But all to little pur-
pose, if the following is correct: DIR.
Hall says: Cold bedchambers always
imperil health and invite fatal diseases.
Robust persons may safely sleep in a
temperature of forty or under, but the
old, the infant or the frail, should never
sleep in room where the temperature
is much under fifty degrees of Fahren-
heit. All know the danger of going
direct into a cold from very warm
room. Very few rooms, churches,
thcaters and the like, are even warmer
than seventy degrees. If it is freezing
out of doors it is thirty degrees-the
difference being forty degrees more.
Persons will be chilled by such a change
in ten minutes, although they may be
actively walking. But to lie still in
bed, nothing to promote the circulation
and breathe for hours an atmosphere of
forty and even fifty degrees, when the
lungs are always ninety eight, is too
great a change. Many persons wake
up in the morning with inflammation of
the lungs who went to bed well, and are
surprised that this should be the case.
The cause may be often be found in
sleeping in a room the window of which
has been foolishly hoistcd for ventila-
ton. The water cure journals of the
country have done an incalculablc in
jury by the blind and indiscriminate adj
vice of hosting the window at night.
The rule should be everywhere during
the part of the year when fires are kept
burning, to avoid hosting outside win
dows. 1t is safer and better to leave
the chamber door open, as also the fire.
place--then there is draft up the
chimney, while the room is not so likely
to become cold. If there is some fire
in the room all night the window may
be opened an inch. 1t is safer to sleep
in a bad air all night with a tempera-
ture over fifty, than in pure air with
a temperature under forty. The bad
air may sicken you, but it cannot kill
you; and cold air can and does kill very
often
Year: 1875

BEEF TEA.-Nery few people know
how to prepare this article of food, so
perfect of its kind, so essential in sick
rooms, possessed, we are told, of a re-
parative power which science has never
been able to define, but which she does
not attempt to deny. Most housekeepcrs
follow the army recipe, ",Iust puta bit
of meat into pot and kind of stir it
round" The following is the best way
of making beef tea: Cut pound Of
lean juicy beef into small pieces, put on
it pint of cold water, and let it stand
half an hour or more, then put it inc
a closely covered saucepan and let ii
heat on the range (but mot boiD for
twenty minutes; then bring it forward
and boil six minutes. Stfain of and
season with pepper and s3lt.
Year: 1875

The Western Rural disapproves of
exaggerated statements about the or
der, whether on the order of one in
the Chicago Times to the effect that
the order is dying out in the west, or
in the Farmers Friend that 81 ,000,-
600 has been raised by the enemies of
the order to be used in attempts to de-
stroy it. Both of these statements are
without doubt greatly ovcrlrawn and
should not be given place in public
print without note Of explanation. In
some places oranges have from some
cause or another failed 10 work harmo-
niously, and in some places they were
placed too close and have consolidated,
thus reducing the number, but there is
total want of evidence to sustain the as
sertion that the order is dying out. As
to the other, while there are many bus
iness men who regard the order with
disfavor and would gladly see it broken
up, we have not seen enough to believe
that this opposition is so organized as
to raise 81, 100000 to us used against
the grange.
Year: 1875

made up Of steps. One step is very easy,
and very small thing; but a great many
steps together lead from ain to holiness,
and from earth to heaven. Every time we
conquer our pride or anger or selfshness,
that is one step. Every little act of love
or self denial, that is another.
Year: 1875

Our citizens will that the close Of the extra
session Of the Legislature unfortunately brings
mediate Improvement to depressed city commerce.
hence capital and labor left to look forward to
long, dull summer. However there 10 consolation for
all at the Agricultural Bureau which 10 prepared to
offer abundant proof that the industrious farmer In
always enjoying all the prosperity he did in the most
prosperous tunes Farming 10 neither difficult very
aborious in these attudes, and feel assured that
thousands OF good and intelligent people stop to
think what prosperous. Independent and happy life
can be had in the country with fraction of the
capital that any city business requires For instance.
offer Farms for SALE under fence with crops mules
mch cows hogs fowls, ETC., with good, comfortable
dwellings outbuldings etc in healthy localities close
to the city, at from One Thousand to Four Thousand
Dollars, and others still higher in price, liberal
terms and also in exchange for city property In ad
dition to the above, for this week several small
places the Gentlly Road and few large
below the city and Teche ruinous prices
some very desirable Lake and Sea Shore residences


Apply to AGRICULTURAL BUREAU,


my23 I'm No. CO Canal Street.
Year: 1875

Parents in quest Of 4 Arst:clAs school for their
daughters, will do well TO Investigate the claims Of
this celebrated Academy.


thoroughness in every department of female odu
cation Mount de Chantal ranks pre- emnently high.
Great attention is given to perfect the pupib in
speaking and writing French ttly. For those who
sufficiently adr:ncc1 it is the language of the
recreation hour The purity of and correctness
of pronunciation acquitted in this Institution have long
been matter OF surprise to the native Parisian.


The re9wn for superiority in Music is widespread
to have made this Academy almost a national one.


One feature particular that should recommend
Mount ChRntAl the sensible parent is the inhu
exercised form the pupil to views and habits Of
economy. Simplicity in dress is enforced by rule.


These facts united to the exceedingly moderate rates
for board and tuition. WILL trust, secure to this
school large desirable patronage in the future
a. it has enjoyed in the past.


For further particulars apply for Prospectus to the
Directros Mount de Chantal Academy Of the
vISitatisn, near Wheeling W. Va. JAle74ly
Year: 1875

keeping his 'shands from picking and steal-
ing;" he becomes Indifferent as to his fntu re
prospects, which usually end in the workhouse,
and is altogether an undesirable member Of the
community.


There may be some chronological dis
tinction at the bottom Of all this differ
ence. But this is to be learned from it
that the wise man will see to it that his
days are not shortened by poor or in
sufficient food. A mind we'll informed,
a body well covered, q stomach well fed,
heart well directed, make perfect
man; and this Minnesota of ours can
give us all these as perfectly as any
part of the world.


The farmer should be the best fed and
best informed man on earth. He is toe
often the meanest fed and the least in
teligent.
Year: 1875

JAMAICA-ln answer to a call issued by the
Board Of ucation OF this village, there meeting
of citizens at the Town Hail. on Wednesday night, TO
take into consideration the matter of increased


mediation OF the scholars attendance upon the public
school The question was whether new school build
ing should be erected an addition be made to
present Que, when is very much crowded. especially
the primary department. motion TO raise 50 600 To
enlarge tie present building wac O1erod, but Withdrawn
after somc discussion, ana finally committee OF seven
WAS appointed by tue Chairman to recommend action
at an adjourn meeting, 10 be held Wednesday next
Year: 1875

IfGcneral Butler should turn up on
the witness stand, tagging interest in
the Brooklyn trial would experience a
a revival. And such an event appears
not entirely improbable. General
Tracy was put through some pretty
severe crossqr restions and got q little
tied up in his account of mis- interviews
with Butler before the trial began.
This part of his testimony no one but
Butler can corroborate or contradict,
and If the prosecution put that distin-
guished statesman on the STAND we
may look for an entertaining scene.
The trial certainly needs somethlng 70
enliyen il about this time.
Year: 1875

ENTERPRISE COAL.-PeFsons who have


ia been cheated IN laying In their winters
supply Of Coal should 60 TO Fout and buy
ton or two OF the Enterprise, as many have
already done. This Will help through the
eoaA weather. Good fires add very much to
Orange streets, fanP75ta4
Year: 1875

PorrED SHAD.-Iake four good sized fresh
shad; cut each into six pieces; lay these ln salt
water for few hours; after taking these out
of the salt water drain them we'll. Then take
eight easpoonfulls of salt, one of red peper'
one Of black pepper. one OF cloves, half teaspoon
tul Of mace and mix them thoroughly. Sprinkle
the fish we'll with these condiments; lay the
fish in a stone jar, and cover 1t with good strong
vinegar. Place cloth cover over the jar, tie
1t dowo, and bake contents over slow fire from
six TO eight hours. When done set away IN q
cool place for few days; and when the jar is
opened you will 6ud all bones have disappeared
and nice relish is before you.
Year: 1875

The MIGRATORY NoTE.--1u order that pro-
cessiops may safely cross large suspension
bridges, it is necessary that they should break
step in order to insure safety; and tits told, in
illustration, that when the first suspension
bridge was building in England fiddler offer
ed to demolish it with his fiddle. Striking one
note after another be eventually bit the vlbras-
ing note or fundamental tone, and threw the
structure into extraordinary vibrations. Ooly
recently bridge went down in France, under
the tread Of regiment Of infantry. who ne
elected to break step on entering 1t. Three
nuudred persons were drowned. The, expert
meut OF breaking tumbler or ether glass yes
sci by frequent repesitions of some particular
note of the human voice belongs to the same
GLASS of phenomeua.
Year: 1875

Attend we'll to your business.
Be punctual in your payments:
Consider we'll before you promise.
Dare to do right.


Envy no man.


Faithfully perform your duty.
Go not in the path Of vice.
Have respect for your character.
In union there is strength.
Judge not your neighbor hastily.
Know thyself above all Others.
Let truthfulness be motto for all.
Make few acquaintances.


Never talk for simple pass-time:
Occupy leisure moments usefully.
Put off nothing that you can do now.
Quarrel not with neighbors.
Recompensc every man for his labor
Save something for q rainy day"
Treat everybody with kindness.
Use yourself to moderation.
Vilify no mans reputation.
Watchfully guard against idleness.
Namine your conscience hourly.
Yield to superior Judgment.
Zealously pursue an honest calling.
Year: 1875

The most essential thing in the
welfare and happiness Of the man and
wife is confidence between them.--
and a woman who loves, desires above
all things to be trusted. She would
not be ignorant Of his troubles, vexa-
tions or his anxieties-anything is
better to her than to be excluded from
the confidence and inermost thoughts
of the life of one who should be all
hers as she is all his. There are
many aftectionate men who con1lde
but little in their wives, except such
matters as relate to their domestic
comforts. The grievous troubles of
annoyances of business are seldom
spoken of in the family circle. The
mistakes which may have led them
into wrong and anxiety, the dread Of
failure and many other veXations, are
never mentioned, and no sign Of it,
save, perhaps, in manner,which to the
wife who is ignorant OF the trouble, Is
incomprehensible. The wife would
gladly share the trouble and be SYM
pathetic, but when they are met with
a cloudcd brow and silence, her mag


ination begins to work and she may
possibly reason that it is personal
mstter-that she is no longer loved,
or that he has found some one whom
he iancios more. And here begins
the first domestic misery which may
end disastrously and probably involve
two families in difficulty and trouble.
All caused in the first place by his
secretivencss where he had no secrets
which lie might not have shared with
his wife. The books Of the firm should
be open. She is the partner-her in
terests are at stake, her peace and
happiness interested as much as your
own. She MAJ know nothing Of bank
Ing or speculation, but she does GER
tainlv feel every change she may
not be able to give counsel, but she
will, if she be true wife, most GER
tainly sympathize and assist, and feel
the more contented in knowing that
she IS partner in all your affairs,
and will, rest assured, find some inge-
nious way in keeping the books Of the
firm as will please and reward you.
Year: 1875

AT an auction Of hor sehold goods
in Detroit the other days, when 4
woman had made n bid on an old bu
reau worth about two dollars, boy
slipped around to another woman and
whispered:


You see that woman over there
with a blue bow on :.'


Yes.


"Wcll, she says that no woman with
red nose can buy anything at this
sale !"


The woman with red nose pushed
her way into the crowd and run the
price Of the bureau up to SO, and as
it was knocked down to her she re-
marked:


Il may have red nose, but no
cross-eyed woman with blue bow on
can bluff me.-Erce Press.
Year: 1875

Thanksgiving was duly observed in this famous city
hospital by the serving Of good dinner with all the
oecaoies of the season, to the patients who could
properly partake of it, There much hilarity
among the convaescent patients at the unwonted
good cheer; but in the evening" when they assembled
in the top OF the building Of the main hospital to listen
TO a musical entertainment provided for them by
Warden O'Rourke, their enthusiasm-if measured by
their applanse-was unbounded. IL was a touching
sight 10 behold the pale faces light mp with pleasure
and appreciate the fact that the aches and wounds
for moment forgotten in the excitement OF music
and song. Many visitors present at the entertain
ment which commenced at eight O'Clock, and every
thing whch could be done render the occasion
cessful accomplished by the Warden and his as.
slslants
Year: 1875

The observance Of the day was never moro general.
The public Offices, schools and stores remained closed
The churches Of every denomination we're open, and
special and appropriate services we're held in the
noon, while in the evening several concerts were
given. Collections taken up for the poor and tho
contributions wefe generous. At the County Jail the
prisoners fed roast beef and plum pudding at
the expense Of the ailer In the Penitentary there
was concert given in the forenoon which the
victs were present Extra rations OF beef soup and
pies were supplied TO the unfortunate inmates
at the expense Of the Bay State Shoe Manufacturing
Company, who employ the services Of the prisoners.
The venerable inmates Of tho Home for Aged and Ind-
gent Females RECALLED boned turkey cranberry
sauce and other dcicacies The orphans in both
Catholic and Protestant asylums also treated
feast OF turkey At St Vincent's Home for Boys, in
the evening several friends Of that noble institution
assembled and enjoyed tho happy spectacle OF the
juvenile banquet which their charity had prepared
the g1Dtns The Helping Hand, Church Charity
Foundation, Sheltering Arms Maternity and other
benevolent organizations made special provision for
the occasion, which was duly honored by the bene-
hciarios


The streets filled with PROFESSIONS Of targeteers
both young and old and the grotesque of the
carnival masqueTaders.


There we're afternoon and evening performances at
the several theatres all Of which we're well patronized
Year: 1875

large and fashionable congregation attended tho
Thanksgiving services Al the Temple Emanuel yesterday
afternoon. The music superb. Long before Dr.
Gottheh, the preacher q tho occasion, appeared tho
Immense gathering sat listening with every indication
Of delight to saccesson o touching hymns or thanks
giving DR. Gottheii spoke glowing terms Of the "a
the Almighty had shOwered upon this land which
He seemed 70 have marked out in especial way as a
haven o refuge Tor toe prosecuted Of every creed
crime lie spoke OF the singular growth and prosper.
ity Of the Hebrew people through the whole country
and urged upon hs hearers the necessity of returning
adequate thanks % the Dispenser or al good for the
benefits He had conferred On the conclusion of Dr.
Gottheils discourse the choir sung with considerable
effect various sacred melodies, after which the congre
ratfon digucrsed
Year: 1875

The boys who are cared for at this institution in
Warren street. the number Of 200 assembled in the
chapel seven O'Clock in the morning to attend mass
which was celebrated by Father Drumgoole, pastor
and founder OF the institution The reverend gentle
man in a few well chosen words reminded the lads Of
the BENEFITS they enjoyed and explained the purpose
for which the day set apart AS much OF the
good Fathers time is taken up in receiving persons
who visit the Home TO make arrangements 'or far,
which will be opened Tuesday next in aid Of the in
stituton, il decided 70 give the boys Thanksgiy


ing breakfast instead OF the usual dinner. Accord
ingly the boys adjourned tho chapel the dining
hall where a substantial repast OF poultry, pastry,
&c was provided. Tho appetltos Of the guests were
very keen but there such abundance that they
ali cried senoughu before rising