Year: 1870

WoIldE0oOU SetS III.


If there is any constitutional weakness
IN her system now is the time to look out
for its manifestation. You will detect a
cough, a hectic flush, weakness i'm the
back, what Mr.. Robertson in his "School I"
calls ga floating, or a fainting, or sink
ing, or swimming" Perhaps marriage
is patched up, when the young people are
not whit better prepared to marry than
they were years ago, and perhaps with a
disturbing feeling that some of the best
years of life have been unwisely spent in
long delay that has nothing to show for
itself


There is no doubt but a wise mother
will seek to take daughter from such an
eminently unsatisfactory condition of
affairs. She is not to be thought hard and
worldly, if, with prescient eye, she de-
tects possible entanglements and strate-
gically guards against them She has a
well-grounded aversion and objection to
the impecunious detrimental If the mis-
chief is really done we advise her to make
the best of things. We are by no means
certain, even if we put ourselves into a
very hard and worldly attitude, that the
rough-and-ready method of getting rid of
an iniudiciOus engagement by the simple
process of breaking it off is really the
best. The principle is that if girls can
not form long engagements without
upsetting themselves in this sort of way,
so far as possible they ought to be kept
from forming long engagements The
demurrer will be that the young lady who
bears this set of circumstances so i'll must
be a pale, cOlorless, thin, unsubstantial
character. The re]Oinder is, that young
ladies, although we will not apply to
them such unciYil adjcctives, do, as a
rule, bear i'll the trial of long engage
ments. Perhaps they would also bear Ill
the trials of wifehood and motherhood,
especially in chronic state of impecuni-
Osity 1t may be allowed, also, that there
are some bright, elastic natures, on whom
a long engagement has positively invig-
Grating effect. The body of exceptions
which they furnish indicates the extreme
difficulty of laying down any general law
on the subject


If we might venture TO frame a gener-
alization Of any sort, we should say that
the long engagement, which has
such an unsettling effect on the
lady, has frequently settling ef-
feet on the man. 1t makes and
keeps him simple, and steady, and earnest
If the lover is worth having, the lover,
one would almost think, would be worth
waiting for. The mother of course saws
that the long engagement affords such a
hazard that it will be broken off, and her
daughter, after wasting her best years and
best feelings, may be Tilted. Perhaps,
however, it is an inaccurate use of Ian
guagc to say that what is earliest is best.
The argument merely cuts in a different
way also, that it may often save girl
from an unworthy marriage There is
certainly a constant possibility of break
off, when the betrothal is not, as in Ger
many, solemn ceremony of the highest
publicity.


There are certain people to whom an
engagement of marriage would be alto
gether forbidden if some sanction were
not given to the long engagement. The
curate in the church, the lieutenant in
the army, the clerk in the bank, such ami
able, domestic, well educated, weli-man-
nercd young people would make such
satisfactory husbands, if only that vulgar
element of filthy lucre existed in sufliclen,
force. Strange that the mineral sub
stances of gold and silver should make
such difference TO immortal souls But
they, too, are Gods creatures as well as
those who can afford to keep a gig. They
may say that they fall in love and become
engaged, not because they keep banking
account, but on the simple ultimate
ground that they are human beings. We
think that it would be difficult to resist
this plea as a matter of legitimate argu
ment. But a man cannot be both hare
and harrier He cannot take broad hui
man ground in one direction and narrow
conventional ground in another direction
He should not make an engagement In
definitely long on the plea that he is the
creature of civilization. If he makes the
kind of engagement which is long, he
should resolve that it shall not be pro
longed beyond a certain date.


Although the ladies, with their graceful
impetuosity, say that six months is quito
long enough, yet we think that the Ro
man law was probably quite fair in per
mitting term of two years. After that
let the pair, if the pair have made up theiI
minds that, for them, marriage is the SUI
premc earthly good, get married al
any risk. Let them emigrate, keep .
school, live in an attic, work with
their hands, go without sugar and
butter, let the lady make the bed and
lay the tablecloth, and the gentleman an
swer the bell and black his own boots
Having made their log-hOuse in the back
woods of social life in their youth, they
will probably shake down into some gOot
thing before they have finished. But i
they are people who fear Mrs. Grundy
and who are nothing if they are not gen
teel, they are hardly entitled To tie danger
Gus luxury of a long engagement


The chief terrors that for the paren
birds surround long engagement arise
from the wretchcdly mistaken views o
marriage that prevail among the majorit,
of women. Any one, we think, who at
tempts to take "a wide and impartial viey
of life would find it extremely difficult Z
| give clear, unwayering note in favo
either of marriage or celibacy. Whel
the chances are SO evenly balanced, W
cannot imagine why there should be sue
morbid anxiety on either side. We oftcl
think that a woman of liberal, refine
tastes, fond of life, of society, of intellect
ual pursuits, makes disastrous eXchang
when she surrounds herself with multi
tudinous cares of life. Even if We t&k
the extreme case of those who must d


something for their own LIVELIHOOD


if they do not marry, there ar
still undoubtedly discoverable equiva
lents or consolation. Mothers an


daughters, for the most part, attach al
exaggerated Importance TO marriage
Thev@regard il as an cnd-in-itself instea'
of being, as it really is. Il means To al
end. Marriage is not life, but the acciden
of life. Whether married or unmarrie,


whether engaged or not engaged, the at


tive or the spiritual side of religion, inte


lectual pursuits, social and family claims


the ties of friendship and relationship, tn


elevation and development of ones nature


will make up the main substance of


wise and good woman's life. Marriage


per Sc, ought not to be necessary for us,


fulness or happiness, and certainly coul


not alone confer them. When these b,


neficcnt energies are present, either stat


may be taken as God may send, and eve


long engagement may be cheerful


borne, without the risk of either ridicul


or compassionate Picddiay Papers.