Year: 1876




He was tall and slender, and clad in
The habiliments of woe. He entered
the Office and took chair. Removing
his hat, he wiped the moisture from his
eye. and rubbed his nose thoughtfully
for moment, put his handkerchief in
his hat, his hat upon the floor, and
said:


You didn't know Mrs. Smith ?"


No; l had't that pleasure Who
was she?


She was my wife. She's been sick
some time. But day before yesterday
she took worse, and she KEEP on sink
ing until evening, when she give
kinder sudden jump couple of times,
and then her spirit fickered. Dead,
you know; passed away into another
world"


I'm very sorry"


$50 am L; and I called around to see
il couldn't-git some of you literary
people to saw out some kind of poem,
describing her peculiarities. so that I can
advertise her in the paper"


1 dunno; maybe we might"


"Oh, you didn't know her, you say :?
Well, she was sing'l kind ofwoman.
Had strong characteristics. Her nose
was the crookedest in the State; all
bent around sideways. Old Captain
Bender used to say that it looked like
the jibsail of an oyster sloop, on the
windward tack. Only his fun, you
know. But Helen never minded it.
She said herself that it aimed so much
around the corner that whenever she
sneezed she blew down her back hair.
There were rich depths of humor in that
woman. Now, 1 don't mind if you
work into that poem some picturesque
allusion to the condition of her nose,
so her friends will recognize her. And
you might also spend a verse or two on
her game eye"


What was the matter with her
eye?"


"Gone, sir; gone! Knocked out
with a chip, while she was splitting
kin'ling wood, when she was a child.
She fixed it. She fixed it up somehow,
with glass one, and it gave her the
oldest expression you ever saw The
false one would stand perfectly still
while the other one was rolling around,
SO that bout half the time you couldn't
tell whether she was studying astron-
omy or watching the hired girl pare po-
tatoes. And she lay there at night,
with the indisposed eye wide open,
glaring at me, while the other was tight
shut, so that sometimes I'd get the
horrors and kick Ler and shake her to
make her get up and fix it. Once I got
some mucilage and glued the lid down
myself, but she did't like it when she
woke up in the morning. Had to soak
her eye in warm water, you know. to
got it open"


Now, I reckon, you could run in
some language about her eccentricities
of vision couldn't you? Don't care
what it is, so that I have the main
facts"


"Was she peculiar in other respects p


Well, yes. One leg was gone; run
over by a wagon when she was little
But she wore patent leg that did her
pretty we'll. Bothered her sometimes,
but most generally gave her q good
deal or comfort. She was fond of
machinery. And then, you know, she
could take it off at night and stand it
on the hat-rack in the entry, and 60 to
bed with only one cold foot. She was
very) grateful for her privileges. AL
though sometimes it worried her too.
The springs'd work wrong every now
and then, and maybe in church her
leg'd give squirt and begin to ham,
mer and kick away at the board in
front of the pew until it sounded like o
boiler factory. Then I'd carry her out,
and most likely it'd kick at me all the
way down the aisle, and end up by
dancing her round and round the ves-
tibule, until the sexton would rebuke
her for waltzing in church. Seems to
me there's material for poetry in that,
isn't there? She was self-willed wo-
man. Often when she wanted to go to
a sewing bee or to gad about some
where, may be I'd stuff that leg up the
chimney, or hide it in the wood pile.
And when wouldn't tell her where it
was, do you know what she'd doy'


"WhatY'


Why she'd lash an umbrella TO her
stump and drift off down the streets if
that umbrella was born there! You
couldn't get ahead of her! She was in
genious! have known her when the
baby was playing with the potato mash
er, to unbuckle that leg and use it for
a masher. Take it by the knee and
work the joint forward and backward
splendidly, I tell you.


$50 I thought I'd mention a few
facts to you, and you can just throw 'em
together and make 'em rhyme, and I'll
call round and pay you for them.
What day! Tuesday? Very we'll;
I'll run in on Tuesday and see how
you've fixed her up"


Then Mr. Smith smoothed up his hat
with his handkerchief, wiped the accu-
mulated sorrow from his eyes, placed
his hat upon his head, and sailed Sc
renely out and down the stairs towards
his desolate hearthstone.


@ Italy, which created two fash
ionable colors-to.wit: the Magenta
and Solferino, has developed third
this season, but modestly yields to the
Herzegovina the distinction of giving
it name. Need we say that Heze-
govina is a rich, in fact, rebellious