smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

The INsoLENcE OF HUNoR.-Iiow much of
all that passes for humorous is simply pro-
fame. or indecent, or brutal? Half the hu-
morous stories that pass current in the world
are unfit for publication. The great humor-
lists from Rabelais to Swift or Sterne, are no
longer quotable in their naked reality; and
as the world becomes more decorous, humOr
becomes tongue-tied and obsolete. of fthe
jests that survive, half, again, owe their
merit to their inhumanity. Look at any of
the current stories of Douglass Jerold. who
passed for humorist in these later days.
Every recorded jest of his that have seen
in gross incivillty made palatable by pun.
The substance Of each phrase, is, You are a
fool the art consists in so wrapping the in
science in play of words that hearers laugh
and the victim is depriSedlof sympathy. at
was your father, then, who was not so hand
some p is one of Tallyerand's brilliant retorts
to a man who spoke of his mothers beauty.
What is this but to say ''You are an ugly
beast" and to evade the legitimate resent
ment of the sufferer? If tine poor wretch
had some harmless vanity, and iancied that
some reflection Of a mothers beauty still
fingered upon his misshappen features, would
any man of decent kind heartedness tear
away this poor little salve to self esteem for
the sake ola laugh? Diseur de bons mot,
maurais earactere, says Pascal, and he never
said truer thing.
Year: 1876

A gentlemen inquired of the young lady
clerk in the bookstore the other day if they
had "Gates Ajar." She said yes they had
one. 1t was the front gate, and since the
warm weather began it had got to sagging
so that they couldn't shut it, and it was ajar
most of the time. She suggestively added,
however, that the side gate still worked
nicely.-Norrich Bulletin.
Year: 1876

A man never really understands the doc
trine of total depravity till he HIS worn q
a pair of white pantaloons to picnic and
sat down ON plate Of custard pie. An
event Of this kind will simplify whole
system of theology Bulletin.
Year: 1876

The following, which we clip from Puge, Sonnd paper is going the rounds. The wri ter has been prudent enough to withhold no, only the date, but the place from whence he writes. If there is such a place in Arizona as he describes we have been unable to learn where it Is. It is certainly not to be found within any district now inhabited unless it may be that the writer and his companions have discovered something good and are keeping it a secret from the rest of the world.

 An Eastern gentleman engaged in mining in Arizona writes as foIoSs: "Thc weather Is hot beyond relief Never, I think less than ninety degrees in tine shade, and from that up to l20 degrees. There is no lum- Der Tn the country, and all the building ha, to be done with cottonwood pole,, and haul ed five miles on jackasses to the mine. In addition, have had to pack water five miles as We have had no rain, and the tanks at the mine are exhausted. We have now Iilled three rattlesnake> in the house, besides any quantity of scorpions. etc h opening my trunk l was stung on the fin ger by SCOT pion. l bound d pnultice ot onions and to- hacco on the wound and drank three full pints of whisky. IL made me very drunk and think killed the other poison. although my whole haad, arm was numb for q day or t~o. It iS pretty hard country, three men have already died of thirst near here. My last letters wcr. sent here fir, m the - Mine (on!y fourteen miles distantD by an old Scothman. The letters did not arrive, and We searched for him and found him dead, only four mics iiom camp. He Was strip ped and his nails was worn from his hands by scratching in the sand for water. We have sent cut twice and brought in men who were crazy, blind and speeches. for thirst The sun l. terribly hot. and the rocks so hot that they blister the flesh if touched"
Year: 1876

The question of annexing this county to Arizona will be submitted to the voters of the county at the ensuing election. The prop osition thus far has met with the warmest approval and if there is dissenting voice it has not come to our knowledge.

 There is also great unanimity in Arizona in regard to the success of the measure and it has beon suggested by prominent citizens of that Territory that it would be we'll to ask its legislature to memorialize Congress re- qucsting that body to consumate the mea- sure-Silver City Herald.
Year: 1876

i not only an exciting but very in- h campaign. Women as well as men liaty to perform to their country, and fhuld not shrink from it. They can

 cor appear in processions, but they Itthe wood and bring up the coal, and (ase the men more time to talk up h-Danbury News.
Year: 1876

This note from a Chicago girl to he lover was made public through d lawsuit: Dear Samie, Pap's watermillions is ripe. Come and bring some poetry like you brought afore. My love for you will overflow like water running down tater row.
Year: 1876

The office of mans house is not only to piye shelter, food and drink, but to surround his children with fair sights and sounds by which the sense and beauty may be de- veloped There are houses in which not norm is read, nor sung throughout the year, and the people wonder why the children are vulgar.
Year: 1876

favorable auspices. We have been sufferers


by universal hard times to ~ great IN


extent as any large city upon the


continent The superabundsnce enjoyed in


former years Of prosperity has given place


to comparative stringency. Our resources
are not now what they were once, nor what
they ought to be now. In addition to the
necessary consequences Of the great war, we
have been, since its close, the victims Of NAL
administration in our public affairs, SO far as
relates to our State government. From this
has resulted incalculable damage, whose ef-
fects are felt in all our households and in all
our walks of business. Many obstacles are
in the pathway of our progress, and our
property groans under heavy taxes nd large
public debts. But the spirit Of our people is
not broken, and their hopes in the future are
still unbroken. From this time onward we
will look for favoring events, and at each an
nual recurrence Of this holiday, it is our
ardent wish that our visitors may find us re-
joicing in steady return of prosperity.
Year: 1876

|


peachment Of Gov. Kellogg, the BULLETIN


was influenced by the information, or rather


by the absence Of information in regard to


the charges and the testimony on which the


House purposed taking action. The BUILE-


TIN did not believe, and it does not now be-


lieve. that an intent on the part of the House


to take advantage Of the constitutional effect


Of the simple finding of articles OF impeach-


ment without preferring serious charges, sup


ported by adequate testimony, would be sane


toned by public opinion. The BULLETIN did


not believe, and it does not now believe, that
an attempt to revolutionize the State govern
ment through the perversion to partisan pur-
poses Of the solemn formalities Of impeach-


ment would be other than violent infraction
of the spirit of the adjustment.


II, on the contrary, 1t is true that Kellogg
has been guilty of acts which when substan-
tiated by competent evidence ought to assure
his conviction before an impartial tribunal,
public opinion would demand that the House
should proceed on the assumption that such
charges and such evidence would have their
due influence on the body which is to pass
Judgment upon them. It is now claim ed that
the House Committee are in possession of
they will present are SO serious as to assure
the conviction of the Governor, provided the
Senate, sitting as high court of impeach-
ment, act Independently Of party considera-
tions.


1t is deeply to be regretted that the ex-
istence of this eviden ce, and the nature of
the charges based upon it, were not re-
vealed before public opinion was di-
vided upon the propriety and the exne-
diency of proceeding in this way against
the Governor. The concealment which
seems to have been studiously practiced had
the effect Of justifying the apprehension that
mere partisan movement was intended, and
that the community was tv be involved in
turmoil and agitation for the accomplishment
of impossible purposes. The delay in coming
to conclusion must also be fruitful of bad
results. It Is only during the last days of the
session that the articles are brought in and
that the trial is to take place.


It would be too much to suppose that the
Senate, composed as it is of large majority
of the political friends of Gov. Kellogg, will
not avail itself of this pretext to 'acquit the
accused.


If the action now taken by the House had
been taken at an earlier day, if the charges |
now brought against Kellogg, together with
the evidence on which they are based. had |
been given to the public in the beginning of
The session, opinion here and throughout the
country would have been convinced that the
Governor was criminal as we'll as usurper,
and tho Senate itself might not have been
able to resist SO strong pressure.


We fear that the mystery and concealment
which have been practiced will be found to
have effsctually interrupted the course Of
Justice, and that, if kellogg escapes punish
nent, it will be because that determined
lction against him which ought to have been
AIKEN at the earliest moment has been ad-
ourned to the latest
Year: 1876

In order to allow the employees Of the
BULLETIN to participate in the festivities at
fsndAnt upon the reception Of his Majesty,
the King Of the Carnival, in his royal capital,
there will be no evening edition Of this paper
Dn Tuesday, February 20.
Year: 1876

Carriages will approach from the direction of the
river both to conveys guests to the ball and bring
them away from it, dividing of in the direction Of
Rampant street.


The doors of the theater win be opened precisely
at half past o'clock.


Invitations being strictly personal, can not, under
any circumstances be transferred


ALL seats in the theater will be reserved for
Ladies' and those in the dress and family circles for
Ladies in full dress.


The following gentlemen will attend as reception
Year: 1876

The Centennial Judges and Commission
ers catch severe seedlings from exhibitors
who have received no awards, and from
those who do not monopolizc all of the
praise bestowed on certain classes of arti.
cles The former thinks the medals and
certificates Of no value, on the "sour
grapes principle; the latter regard them
sa too cheap and commonly distributed to be
worth much. There is only one way to
test the soundness of these deprecatory
opinions. The Commissioners do not pub
lish the language of the decisions. Per
haps, in Justice to the contributors, they
ought to do this and acquaint the whole
world with the official result of the compe-
tition. AS this is not done by the commits
sioners at the expense of the Fair, the win
ners of the prizes have no option but to do
it for themselves. Let the unprejudiced
public be the arbiter in these disputes
about the practical worth of the awards.
The test is easily made reasonable amount
of advertising in the papers would tell
everybody what the Judges said of any par
ticular article and where it can be found.
People could then hunt it up and see for
themselves whether it tallies with the
Judges descriptions or not; and at the


same time the successful exhibitor would
learn exactly what the award is worth to
him.
Year: 1876

Born PoLITICAL PARTIES have their sins,
and it is very easy for the kettle to call the
pot black, but the case stated in plain light
by the New York Herald In an editorial
published in last Thursdays issue of that
non-partisan journal the matter is put in
this style:


"Both parties have their full share of
corrupt, selfseeking, bigoted and ignorant
politicians both have on their shoulders
extravaganza and misrule during the period
since 1861 and when the democrats incau-
tiously boast of their superior purity they
only expose themselves to some such retort
as has just been made in a Washington
Treasury exhibit, which officially shows that
since 1869 the republicans have constantly
reduced the expenditures and kept them
within the income, largely reduced the
rate of taxation and paid off considerable
part of the debt; while the democrats,
ruling this city, have increased the debt
and the taxes, and failed to keep the
expenditures within the income, even under
a reform regime"
Year: 1876

WOMEN IN THE ScHoofs.-Womon are
slowly but surely getting full control Of the
schools Of the country. Women may now
serve as school officers in many of the
States In Pennsylvania there are several
women serving as directors and one as
superintendent. In. Iowa and Illinois there
are twenty of them Serving as county super.
indents. In the former State, local court
having decided woman ineligible to any
school office, before night of the next day
the Legislature Of the State passed an act
giving them undoubted right to serve in
that capacity.
Year: 1876

AT tie adjournment Of the evening
FeJsiOn OF the lower houss OF congrts',
last night, announcement was u a lie that
there would be q Democratic caucus
sfEer the evening session tonight.
Year: 1876

Yes, they are beautiful. Not wiih the
beauty Of youth, perhaps; the bloom may he
gone the rounded cheek auh swelling throat
all have passed away: but there remains
beauty that can be ielt--the soul shining
through the eyes, the large heart and benevo
lent impulse. taking in all within lis reach
a kind word to one, a look of love to another
for they have lived long ennnph Ia suffer- and
they believe in the fellowship Of suffering.
The storms and tempests have gone ov er all
the sharp points in their character and round
ed them down. so that now they only ripple
the surface. The eyes ma" not be 30 bright
for one. but into their warm hearts they re-
ceive the sorrC w. Of many, AMI send on such
ray Of comfort and hope into mourning
hearts, aud have followed the loved ones
almost 10 the gales of the 'Bcau'i.nl City so
often that their faces haze causiIt some II the
radiance reflected upon them. Can anything
be more beautiful than lovely life! And
the longer, the more grace, the more PATIENCE
Then let none regret that rhfy are grow
Ing old And when these houses of clay be-
gin TO totrer and crumbe away. let us come
to the upper chamber nearest heaven, and
look out upon the shining city and catch the
glory.
Year: 1876

REMARKABLE EscAPE.-I.ast even
ing as the incoming train was near
Stoner's nursery running at ful! speed
some object was noticed on the track,
when the engineer whislled down
brakes " and reversed his engine, but
not in time to prevent the locomotive,
eight or ten cars and one Of tho
coaches from passing over the object.
Conductor Thorn sprang from the
cars as soon rs possible, ran to the
place and pulled from beneath tic
second coach little negro child. 1t
was lying on tie track, inside the
rail and nearly touching it, and,
strange to say, escaped with slight
confusion on the side of the head
.Arcreport Times, AN.
Year: 1876

"Said she, Mr.. -, feel as if shogId
faint Haven't you got some camphor ora
little whIsky! And as sure as you live she
did faint right away there-right down in
trout ol the iire-box-rght on top Of me- The
lire man and conductor came in and took her
back 10 her mother, and the fireman had to
run the train down t. White Haven"
Year: 1876

In the ncighborhood of Baku, on the
Caspian Sea, there is phenomenon of
a very extraordinary nature, called the
everlasting FIRE, to which sect Of Indians
and Persians called Gaurs pay religious
worship. 1t is situated about ten miles
from the city of Baku, in the province of
Shirvan, on dry, rocky piece Of ground.


On it there are several ancient temples,
built of stone, and supposed to be oil de-
dicated to fire, there being one among
them in which re-worship is now carried
on. Near the altar there is a large, hol-
low cane, from the end of which issues a
blue fame. The worshippers affirm that
this fame has continued ever since the
deluge, and they believe If it were sup
pressed in that place it would break out in
another.


At short distance from this temple
there is horizontal gap, two feet from
the ground, about six feet long and three
broad, out Of which comes constant fame
of the color Of that in the temple. When
there is strong wind il rises to the height
Of eight feet, but it is much lower in the
calmer weather.


The earth around, for more than two
miles, has this extraordinary property,
that by taking up two or three inches Of
the surface and applying lighted lamp,
the part uncovered Immediately takes FIRE,
even before the fame touches it. The
flames make the soil hot, bnt do not con-
sumo it nor affect what is near with any
degree Of heat.


1t is said that eight horses we're once
consumed by this fire, under roof where
the surface Of the ground had been turned
up, and by some accident had ignited. II
a cane or tube of paper be set about two
inches into the ground, closed with earth
below, and the top Of it touched with a
live coal, a fame will Immediately issue
forth without consuming the tube, provid
ed the edges be covered with clay. Three
or four lighted canes will boil water in a
pot, and are sometimes used to cook viz.
tuals. The flames have sulphurous
smell, but are not inoffensive.
Year: 1876

At this period of our State history it
will be interesting to review the names of
those who have held the executive power
in the Commonwealth from the time of
the Lords Proprietary to the present, as
fnllows.
Year: 1876

The LAST ELK.-An old hunter from
Elk county relates the following to the
Harrisburg Patriot as the manner in which
the last elk in our State was destroyed.
He said six years ago we had in our
woods the only elk left in the State of
Pennsylvania (seven in number They
had been hunted hard for two winters, but
had escaped the hunters rife. l saw the
fresh footprints Of these noble deer in the
summer. One old bull had track as
large as two year old steer. But deep
snow fell in the following March, and after
it came light rain; this, freezing on the
snow, formed hard crust. Then came
half dozen worthless half breeds from
the Indian reservation in the State of New
York, with dogs and snow shoes. They
found the poor, half starved beasts yarded
in the deep snow. The men aud dogs
could run on the crust, but the elk, trying
to escape, broke through up to their backs,
and in this way soon became an easy prey.
They took out ope--a calf--alive, the rest
they killed for their hides, taking but
little Of the meat, Thus perished the last
of noble race--thc last elk, / believe, 10
the State Of Pennsylvania.
Year: 1876

Lorenzo ID. Cox, well known in Ma
rion county, left his house a few morn
ings ago, and went into new ground
field to work. As has been his Gus
toms for the last sixteen years, be car
red bis gun and other weapons-hs
constant companions. He set his gun
down by a stump and stepped off
few spaces and squatted down to build
a fire, and as he raised up be was fired
upon by q man behind tree, who
was in waiting there to kill him. Cox
fell to the ground at the crack of the
gun, and as he raised up, was shot
again, but crawled to the stump where
bis own gun was, and discovering the
position of his opponent, waited lis
opportunity. Presently be peeped
out from behind the tree, and as be
did so, Cox fired on him. This was
followed by an exchange of pistol
shots, and Cox's opponent fell to the
ground. He then craw led up to him,
and about this time Cox's little son,
who heard the firing, came up. Cox
then took bis knife and stabbed the
man through his neck and in tho
breast until he was dead. He proved
to be William Morris. Three balls
entered his neck and breast and one
in the forehead. Cox was shot
through both lungs, and at this writ
ing our informant thinks he must be
dead, as his attending physicians,
Drs. Ford and Banks, were Of the
opinion that be could not long survive.


This horrible tragedy, we are told,
Z, the result Of long standing feud,
and thatiMorris came from Texas, Ito
which State he moved some years ago
from Marion county, for the purpose
of killing Cox.
Year: 1876

Mr. William II. Vanderbilt called upon his father
yesterday morning and had alengthy conversation
with him on bus,ness connected with the Hudson
River road Tho Commodore was remarkably FREQ
from pain all day and late evening there was every
prospect that he would pass a comfortable night
Year: 1876

THE WEATHER YESTERDAY.


The following record will show tho changes In the
temperature for the past twenty fouv hours In com.
parson with the corresponding date OF last year.
dcatcd by tho thermometer at Hudnuts pharmacy,
ILL
Year: 1876

EXTRA0RDlNAKY-One of the straDg-
est. events tEat ever took possession
of sensible men, was that which ere
ated the impression that silver would
become a drug IN the market. The
widest ideas respecting the prodnc-
tivenesS OF the mines Of Nevada were
spread broadcast. Men believed these
reports because DR.. LInderman of the
hint was made 10 believe them.
W hat is the result now? II is no bet-
ter understood to day than il was Y
months ago, that silver was the more
useful metal of the two, for, WIN e
the whole world can get along with
cut gold, IL cannot SO easily torego
the use of silver. Civilized nations
must use silver in order TO have
a substantial financial system. Us
small coin must almost as a necessity
be silver. II would have to be silver,
or gold very greatly aIloyed. and the
people prefer silver for small coin TO
any other substance. As ridiculous
almost as has been the depreciation in
silver bullion, is that which continues
with silver coin. Six o. seven per
cent. is submitted to without a mur
mur. Yet silver bullion is every day
advancing.
Year: 1876




THE EASTERN QUEsTION.-A war in
In Europe would iayorabiy affect trade
in the United States, and hence many
of our readers farmers especially
take great interest in the controversy
between Turkey and Russia. The
latest accounts have a peaceful aspect.
The tenor of the dispatches Just now
are pacific. n few weeks ago all was
biuster and talk of war. The repre-
Fentatives of England. Russia and Tur.
key are now in conference, and all the
parties express profound desire for
peace. A reason for this peaceful feel.
ing is that Russia Is ready for war.
No secret is made anywhere of the
fact that the mobilization of the Rus
sian army was primarily intended to
affect this conference. Russia meant
OF course, to be ready really for war,
but she meant more Immediately that
The representatives of all the States
should deliberate at Constantinopla in
the full knowledge that her armies
stood at the frontier like hounds in the
leash, ready TO move at an hours no
tice ii the conference should refuse her
demands, and her conscious strength
enabled her to make tie demands so
moderate that al! must recognize their
propriety. These tactics will, perhaps
secure peace.
Year: 1876

A new discovery has been lately made by Jack Moore, of which we have had some thing to say, near the south end of Brad shaw mountains, about 213 miles east of the old Humbug Camp 10 or l2 miles from Jack Swillings camp on the Agua Fria, in a very rough and inaccessible neighborhood with. out any roads for wagons, but having a very good trail. This is ledge carrying vein of fine milling silver ore showing large amount of horn silver. The vein at the bot tom of the B foot shaft showed a width of S inches of solid metal C. P. Head is said to be the principal owner with Jack Moore, and 1t is said that locations to the extent of 5000 feet all showing mineral have been taken up on the ledge. MT. Mitchell, Jack Swilling and others have lodges in the vicin- ity which assay high up in the thousands. First assay went 3,6o0; asays are said to have been made as high as 5000 to Sl2,OOO. If what is asserted concerning this district prove true it will soon excel any other district in the Territory.

 The smelter on the east fork of the Hassa- yampa in Crook Canyon, is said to be nearly and is of 3-ton capacity.

 Several parties are now out prospecting for leads to supply the various smelters with that very necessary fiux, lead, which is com- ing into great demand in this neighborhood.