Year: 1872

Max Adeler In "thc Capital


I intend, ultimately, To reform the whole


Covcrnment of the United States. l shall


,oSr Il out, reconstruct It, shake up some


lind Of an original and surprising policy,


and begin all over again. | think | will


rim Il upOn a contract somehow, and re-


lieye the people Of all their present duties
excepting the duly Of supplying cash.


Bat at present an considering the case
of the Probability man who NEEDLES with
our great American weather. | think he
means well, and tries ConscenliouslY 10


do his best, but his system Is radically de-
iCctiye, and the consequence is that his
conIeCturcs are despiCably incorrect quite
hall the time. The inconvenience caused
by these mistakes, not only to the people
generally but TO me personally. Is incOn.
CeiVably great, and II Is not TO be endured
any longer.


For instance, il | read In the morning
that this Probability person entertains u
conviction that we shall have clear day
in my neighborhOOd, | place confidence in
his assurance. remove the rOoilr from my
house in order TO dry the garret thorough.
", and walk down town with II new
umbrella undermy arm. Now II is plainly
evident that II, after all, it does begin 10
rain, and am Obliged to unfurl that um.
brela and ruin it with the wet, and am
compelled, when | arrive at my home, to
witness my family floating around in the
dining room upon raft constructed out
Of the clothes horse and a few bed stats
and pie boards, the Government Tor which
Washington died is failure.


Or, suppose that our friend at the
weather office asserts that thunder
storm is certain 10 strike my section of
tue country upon given day. believe
him rush out my lightning rods and
buckle them 10 the chimncys and set them
around On the roof and plant them out in
the yard, and riVet them upon my hired
girl; and place my family safely in lcath.
Cr beds in the middle Of the room, and
drink all the milk in the neighbOrhOOd,
and prevail upon the tax collector to go
and stand m hour or two under u tree
where he will be almost certain To he
struck by lightning. And when all these
arrangements are completed, so that | feel
equal TO the promised emergency, suppose
that thunder storm does not come? When
! watch that tax collector sally out from
under that outrageous tree and begin to
assess my property, counting in all those
lightning ut double their cost, is
there any reason 10 wonder that sit
down and sigh for some responsible despOt
who will give us Probability man who
grasps the subject Of the weather, us II
we're, in a more comprehensive manner?


But | know him now. lie shall never
belray mo again us he did with that last
conjecture concerning the cyclone. lie
said il would sweep over my district on
The morning Of the 9Th, and so arose he.
fore daybrcak and proceeded to a ten.
acre lot, where | fastened myself to
sheet anchor, filled my pockets with pig
lcad iettered myself TO the fence and
placed my family in burglar-proOf safe,
which | tied TO my leg, and fixed the pre-.
serving kettle tightly over my head with
adOg chain, in order to preserve my hair.
| staid there until five O'clock in the after.
noon waiting for that simeon to swoop
dnwnupOn me. But it was failure-a
disgraceul failure. The only thing ul
interest that occurred was the mass meet.
ing held by the people of the ncighbor.
hood. When looked out from under the
preserving kettle early in the afternoon, I
was surprised to observe that the fence
upon the four sides OF the lot was filled
with men and boys rOOsting around and
watching me. Tho boys whistlcd upon
their fingers and made unpleasant re.
marks. When | made u threatening ges.
ture several Of the mengot off of the fence
suddenly, and COntented themselves with
looking at me between the rails. After
awhile four policemen came up, in com.
pany with u physician; they united Inc,
knocked mo down with club, applied a |
blister to my neck, and would have taken
me TO an asylum but for the timely inter-
ference OF some OF my friends.


And the tornado has not come vet. So |
you will perceive that the entire system is
d humbug.