Year: 1876

the north except the gourd and one or
two other varieties of squash. But the
custom of planting in the front yard with
the shrubbery is fast going out of vogue,
for it is now conceded that the pumpkin
rs a shade tree is failure.


Now, as warm weather approaches and
the ganders begin to spawn"


The excited listener sprang toward me
to shake hands, and said:


"There, thero--that will do. know
am all right now, because you have
read it just MS did, word for word But
stranger, when first read it this morning
said to myself, never, never believed
it before, notwithstanding my friends
kept me under watch so strict, but now
believe | am crazy and with that
fetched howl that you might have heard
two miles, and started out TO kill some
body-because, you know, | knew it
would come sooner or later, and SO |
might AS well begin. read ono of them
paragraphs over again so rs to DO certain
and then | burned my house down and
started. | have crippled several people,
and have got one follow up tree, whore
| can get him if want him. But |
thought l would call in here as passed
along and make the thing perfectly GER
tain and now it is certain, and tell you
il is lucky for the chap that is in the tree
| should have killed him sure, rs went
back. Good by, sir, good-by; you have
taken great load Off my mind. My
reason has stood the strain OF ono of your
agricultural articles, and l know that
nothing can unseat it now. Good by,
sir"


| felt little uncomfortable about the
Gripping and the arson this person had
been entertaining himself with, for |
could not help but feeling remotely nc
cessory to them. But tho thoughts were
quickly banished for the regular editor
walked in. thought to myself, now, il
you had gone to Egypt, AS | had recon-
mendod you to do, might have had n
chance to get my hand in, but you would
not do it and here you are. l sort Of ox-
pected you.


He surveyed the wreck which that old
rioter and those two young farmers had
made, and then said "This is sad
business-a very sad business. There Is
the mucilage bottle broken, and six pnnes
of glass, and a spittoon and two candle
| nt q, A..
reputation Of the paper is injured per
mancntly, | fear. True there never was
such a call for the paper before, and it
never sold such n large edition or soared
to such celebrity but does one want TO
be famous for unacy, and prosper upon
the infrmities of his mind ? My friend,
ms | am nm honest man. the street out
hero is full Of people, and others arc
roosting on the fence, waiting to get II
glimpse Of you, because they think you
are crazy. And well they might after
reading your editorials. They are dis
grace to journalism. Why, what put it
into your head that you could edit a paper
of this nature? You do not seem TO
know the first rudimcnts of agriculture.
You speak Of furrow and harrow AS be-
ing the same thing; you talk of tho
moulting season for cows, and you rec
ommend the domesticaton of the polecat
on account Of It's play and its ex-
cellenco as II ratter. Your remark that
clans will lie quiet it music will bepaycd
to them was superlluous-en entirely super
fluous. Nothing disturbs clans. CLANS
dtoays lie quiet. CLANS care nothing
whatever about music. Aud heavens
and earth, friend ! II you had made tho
acquiring Of ignorance the study Of your
life you could not have graduated with
higher honor than you could to-day. /
never saw anything like it. Your obser-
walton Of the horse chestnut, as an article
Of commerce steadily gaining in favor. is
simply calculated to destroy this journal.
| want you to throw up your situation
and go. | want no more holiday. |
could not enjoy il if / had it. Certainly
not with you in my chair. / would al
ways stand in dread Of what you may be
going to recommend next. 1t makes me
lose all patience every time | think Of
your discussing oyster beds under the
head Of " Landscape Gardening" want
you TO go. Nothing on earth could per-
suade me to take another holiday. Oh
why didn't you tell me you didn't know
anything about agriculture"


" Tell you, you cornstalk, you cabbage,
you son of n cauliHowor It's the first
time ever had such nm unleeing remark.
L tell you l have been in the editorial
business going on fourteen years, and il
is the first time | ever heard Of a mans
having to know anything in order TO edit
u newspaper. You turnip Who write
the dramatic critiques for the second rate
players ? Why, II parcel Of promoted
shoemakers and apprentice apothecaries,
who know just rs much about good acting
as do about good farming. Who review
the books =? People who never wrote one.
Who do up the heavy leaders on finance?
Parties who have the largest opportuni-
ties Tor knowing nothing about it. Who
criticse the Indian campaigns 2 Gentle
men who do not know war whoop fIom
wigwam, and who have never had to
. run foot race with tomabawk, or pluck
arrows out of the several members of
their families to build the evening camp
fire with. Who write the temperance
appeals and clamor about tho flowing
bowl? Folks who will never draw
another sober breath till they do it in
their grave. Who edit the agricultural
papers, you yam2 Men, as general
din. .uL. fnsl q, H. ,..,..in.r liz ILL.