Year: 1873

| / shall not attempt, as the editor of this
paper requests, to supply from my imagi-
nation story suitable to Saint Valentine S
day. Rather will relate with what ten
derness / can the simple and pathetic facts
in the case of Duffy.


Jim Duffy loved He was not singular
in this-other Dufys had done the same
thing; but it was Jim Dufy's peculiar
fortune that while he loved but one wo-
man, two women loved him. Miss Saith
was the beautiful blue eyed being to
whom he had given his heart, and to
whom he would cheerfally have given his
| liver or his ribs or any other portion of his
framework if the custom of society had
made such an anatomical surrender prop
er. Miss Clamm was the faded flower who
had fixed her battered and venerable affec-
tions upon Mr. Duffy without any provo
cation having been offered by him, and
Mr. Duffy hated Clamm with quite as
much intensity as he loved Smith, because
Clamm would always fasten to him at the
church-mectings and the evening eompa-
nies, and gush over to him in the presence
of people, and insist upon his company
home atthe very moment when he had de-
termined to escort Miss Smith.


And so, when St. Valentine day came
round, Duffy thought it would be clever
idea to send proposal Of marriage to Miss
Smith, and at the same time to cool the
enthusiasm of Clamm with an outrageous
comic valentine of some kind. He pro-
cured one of these Immediately, and then
wrote to his only Smith note beginning
with Dearest and ending with Yours,
till death" Unhappily, it came to pass
that Mr. Duffy placed each of these in
the wrong envelope; and while the comic
affair went away to Smith, direct propo-
sal proceeded to Clamm. Nothing could
be more unfortunate, for no sooner did the
aforesaid Clamm receive Duffy note than
she suddenly did up her back hair, put on
her bonnet, assumed her umbrella and gum
shoes and started by the shortest known
route to James Duffy residence


When the front door was opened, she
dashed past the hired girl and into the sit
ting room. where, finding Jim reading n
newspaper, she flung her arms about his
neck, dropped her head upon his shoulders
and her umbrella upon his corn and ex-
claimed


Take me, take me, James Take me
dearest! am yours-yOurs for ever"
As soon as Mr. Duffy regained his pres
ence of mind, he struggled to disengage
himself, while he attempted to explain to
her that he should not take her; that he
did not want her; that she was not his
for ever or for five minutes; and that if
she did not remove her forehead from his
vest, and her umbrella from the vicinity
| of his toe, he should be compelled to call
the police But Miss Clamm would hear
no explanation. She nestled closer and
closer to his waiStcOat, and cried into his
watch pocket, and kept plunging her UNI
brella about with such erratic vicor, thathIr
Duffy left foot continually executed half
! of the waltz movements in an effort to
save its most sensitive excressence from
torture. But at last, when Clamm muir
INJURED something about fixing the we'd
ding day, and making it soon, Jim Duffy
tore himself away and fed to the garret,
where he locked the door and tied the
trap down with rope, lest the invincible
Clamln should burst in upon him from
that direction


Meantime, Miss Smith received the
comic valentine, and recognizing Duffy 5
handwriting on the envelope, she was
deeply panied, and she thought she might
indirectly obtain comfort and an explana-
ton of the matter by calling on her bosom
friend, the sister of Mr.. Duffy So she
sailed out and reached the house. 1t
| happened by very strange coincidence
| that her bonnet and cloak bore kind of
| general appearance to those worn by Miss
Clamm and Duffy, when he heard the
dOor-bell ring, looked out from the garret
window, and felt perfectly certain that the
remorseless Miss Clamm had returned for
the purpose of inpressing more firmly up
on his mind that she was his for ever, and
he could take her. SO Duffy did a most
scandalous and ungentlemanly thing. He
emptied bucket of water out of the win
dow upon the figure below.


Miss Smith went home damp and indig
nant. A little while after her return,
Clamm, being in persuit of her Duffy,
called upon Miss Smith, hoping to find
him there. She waited in the parlorwhile
Miss Smith changed her clothing, and
meanwhile it really occurred to Mr.. Duffy
to go to Smiths and ask for an answer to
his proposal. 1t was sunny day, and snow
was upon the ground. The parlor and en-
| try were gloomy, and when Duffy went in
he could hardly see a hand breadth before
him. But the eye of Miss Clamm was upon
him. As he came into the parlor she flew
toward him. He perceived the indistinct
out line of woman's figure He was of
course sure that it was Miss Smith, and
he felt certain that she was about to ex-
press her feelings by action rather than in
language. So Duffy folded her in his arms
and kissed her forehead, and asked her if
she really loved him. She whispered yes
and as they stood there, while his heart
overhowed with joy, and he wondered
why Miss Smith should sit in her own par
lor with her umbrella in her hand, the
wind blew one of the shutters open sud-
denly, and at the same moment in walked
Miss Smith.


1t was But no. / shall not attempt
to describe that situation. 1t is impOssi-
bic. Everybody was agitated but Clamm.
James Duffy was dunlbfounded and hor-
ror-stricken-Miss Smith was amazed and
furious; but Clamm was collected, she
was cool-she appeared to enjoy every
thing and she would probably have fall
en- upon Jim Dufys shoulder again and
cooed. merely to let Miss Smith see how
UiCc IL was uOl OuIiJ uOuSCu az
saw Der coming, and permitted her to
smash her bonnet against the sofa cush-
ion.


Then Mr.. Duffy undertook to tell Miss
Smith how it was, but naturally, after all
that happened, she was too much en-
ragged to hearkened to him, and she order
ed both visitors from the house. They
departed, Clamm with the hook Of her
umbrella handle firmly fixed in the pocket
of James Dufy's oyercoat.


But when they reacned the street,
Duffy, in his agony and anger, expressed
his feelings upon the subject of Clamm in
such violent and unmistakable manner
that even she was convinced. And when |
she asked him if he intended to omarTy her
and he said no, she left him aud proceed |
ed at once to lawyer, who began a suit |
for breach of promise against Duffy, and |
took it into court the next week. Dufy's |
letter TO Smith was read in evidence, /
and Clamm made Smith testify as to the


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