Year: 1871

During my youth | suffered from naturally
delicate constitution. | was pale feeble and
slckly, but from no decided disease 4 dreamy.
quiet cast OF temperament caused me to shrink
from the rough spirits OF my brothers the con.
tact OF strangers was equally diSagreeabIe, and
seldom strayed from home Indeed, | lived
almost entirely within myself; although by no
means devoid OF natural affection on the con
trary, my emotions We're strong, and my sym
pathy easily aroused HOwit happened that |
acquired love of learning | do not know. all
the outward circumstances by which [ was sur
rounded tending to foster anything rather than
intellectual habits. for our family, although each
member possessed a common education, were
strictly practical; but this difference in my dis
position cut me off from their pursuits, and
found my chief enjoyment in the volumes of
library to which | obtained access.


Perhaps it was the sedentary life | led, the
close confinement and lack of exercise that
brought on violent attack of sickness when
was In my nineteenth year, so that | lay for
several weeks completely prOstrated. During
two or three days my life hung as in a balance.
which breath might have turned and launched
me beyond the confines of time However,
the disease succumbed to the persevering atten-
! ton OF experienced nurses. | rose from nv
weary bed and found my physical health slowly
improving, but from that period | was subject
at irregular intervals to what the physicians
pronounced temporary derium, which |
knew he used as mdcr term for insanity.
| But 1t was not insanity. | never lost control
OF my mind, but lost control of my body 1t
obeyed a will that was not my own. A mighty
antagonistic power seemed to creep over my
brain, which impced my movements and held
my struggling soul in subiection [ presented
the singular phenomena OF one person govern.
ed by two separate and distinct wills, for nv
mind was not diSOrdpred but only mastered by
superior strength. In this strange condition |
would see familiar objects magniGed, exaggera-
ted and cOntOrted, in an atmosphere varying
with all colOrs at the same time being perfectly
conscious of their real appearance | would
hear sounds sweet and musical grow into walls
of heart-rending despair could recognize my
| friends when they were present but was forced
to regard them with the cold eye Of stranger.
| would commit acts that no human agency
could have compelled me to do when my facul-
ties were untrammelled. | never submitted
without struggle, and always felt conscious
! that II | could but once resist this seemingly
invincible power, if [ could but once disregard
its promptings, should be free but my soul
was fettered


The attacks were never of long duration.
They always left me utterly exhausted, and it
would sometimes require week to recruit my
| recall
every incident with the most distinct minute
ness, for they were branded in characters of
fire on my memory. Vainly | asserted again
and again that was not deliriouS that | was
| forced into subjectlOn to some mysterious DOW
er could not understand ; my statements made
no impression upon the physician, who evident
| y considered mine but a comm On case of one
suffering from attacks of temporary insanity ;
and when | persisted in my statement he for
! bade any further reference to the subject How
ever could not prevent my mind from contin-
ualy dwelling upon it in secret. What was
this, so foreign, so antagOnistic to myself that
mastered my will, that controlled my actions,
that made me literally another being? Why did
| not shake off the evil influence and be free ?
L felt perfectly conscious Of possessing the
! power, but was not able to arouse it from a
latent condition.


As have said before, was naturally of a
studiOus disposition, and now turned my at
tention to metaphysics. | read works ancient
and modern on its different branches; | studied
medical treatises on insanity, and the more |
learned the more thoroughly convinced | be
came that was not suffering from mental aber-
ration. Constant brOOding over my disease
greatly wore upon my physical strength trav
cling was recommended, in hopes that change
of climate and scene might benefit my health
! My old aversion to strangers clung to me- and
| although possessed by restlesSneSS to which
L was wholly unaccustOmed, | perslStently re-
fused to leave home; no arguments could gain
my consent, so that my friends were forced to
give up the project IN despair


One morning, when more than the usual
gloom oppressed my spirits, made an effort to
arouse myself and throw off the melancholy
that was settling upon me, which each day [
| felt to be growing more confirmed. | was sit
ting by window which stood wide open, and
just outside Gagged canary was singing and
futtering its feathers in the warm spring sun
shine. The little bird was my particular prop
erty, and regarded it with an affection which
is rarely bestowed upon pets. With the excep-
tion of my young sister. child of about four
years of age, this was the only living thing that
| had taken any interest in since my sickness.
L had trained the canary from the shell, and the
little creature seemed to repay all my care,
for from no other member of the family would
it receive caresses. | was SO much afraid of its
being accidentally injured that never allowed
it to be freed from the cage except in my pres
ence. Atmy call it would fly about me, resting
on my head, shoulders or hands, and chirping
in perfect ecstacy Of enjoyment.


L arose and opened the door of its prison;
then, reseating myself softly whistled, while it
darted into the air, wheeled once or twice and
descended upon my hand. Stroking its spotless
yellow plumage, regarded the little thing with
q degree of pleasure | had not experienced