Year: 1875

The first time I began to sneeze, a
friend told me to go and bathe my
feet in hot water and go to bed. [ did
so. Shortly after, another friend told
me to get up and take cold shower
bath. I did that also. Within the
hour another friend assured me that
it was policy to feed cold and starve
a fever. l had both. So I fKeught it
best to fill myself up forfthe cold, and
let the feverlstarve awhile. In a case
of this kind I seldom do things by
halves n ate pretty heartily. L con-
ferred my custom upon a stranger,
who had just opened his restaurant
on Cortlandt street, near the hotel,
that mornfffgg,, paying so much Tor a
full meal. He waited near me in re-
spectful silence until l had finished
feeding my cold, when he inquired if
the people about New York were much;
afflicted with colds. I told him l
thought they were. He then went
out and took in his sign.


l started up toward The office, and
on the way encountered a. her bosom
friend, who told fle thaea quart of
warm salt water would come as near
curing cold as anything in the world.
| hardly thought had room for it,
but l tried it any how. The result
was surprising. l believe l threw up
my immortal soul. Now, as gfsemy
experience only for the benefit Of those
of your friends who are troubled with
this distemper, l feel that they will
see the propriety Of my cautioning
them against following such portions
of it as proved inefficient with me, and
acting upon this conviction | warn
them against warm salt water. 1t may
be good enough remedy, but think
it is rather too severe. If had am
other cold in the head, and there was
no course left me-,to take either an
earthquake or a quart of warm salo
water, would take my chances on the
earthquake. After this everybody in
the hotel became interested, and took
all sorts of remedies-hot lemonade,
cold lemonade, pepper tea, boneset,
stewed quaker, horehonnd syrup,
onions and loaf sugar, lemons and
brown sugar, vjnegar-ands slsndanum,
five bottles fir ba1sam, eight SETTLES
cherry pectoral, and ten bottles Uncle
Sans remedy, but all without effect.
One of the prescriptions, given by an
old lady, was-well, it was dreadful.
She mixed deccction composed of
molasses, catnip, peppermint, aquafor-
lis, turps kne, kerosene. and various
other. .las and instructeS~tetak take
a wineg54s1uT Of it er l1teehf-
Minutes. / never took but one dose
that was enough. had to take to my
bed, and remained there for two entire
days. When | felt little better, more
things were recommended. / was des-
perate, and willing to take anything.
Plain gin was recommended, then gin
and molasses, then gin and onions. |
took all three. | detected no particu-
lar result, however, except that | had
acquired breath like turkey buzzard,
and had to change my boarding place
At this new place they suggested
different remedy to any yet tried. A
sheet bath was recommended. / had
never refused remedy yet, and it
seemed poor policy to commence then;
therefore | determined to take sheet
bath, though l had no idea what sort
of arrangement it was. 1t was admin
istered at midnight, and the weather
was very frosty. My back and breast
were stripped, and a sheet (there ap-
peared to be a thousand yards Of it)
soaked in ice water was wound around
me until | resembled swab for
columbiad. 1t is a cruel expedient.
When the chilly rag touches ones
warm flesh, it makes him start with
sudden violence and gasp for breath,
just as men do in the death agony.
1t froze the marrow in my bones and
stopped the beating of my heart. l
thought my time had come. When l
recovered from this, friend recon-
mended the application of mustard
plaster to my breast. | believe that
would have cured me effectually if it
had not been for young Clemens.
When | went to bed put the mustard
plaster where | could reach it when 1
should be ready for it. But young
Clemens got hungry in the night, and
ate it up. | never saw any child have
such an appetite. am confident that
he would have eaten me if had been
healthy.-.Mark Ttpain.