smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

TIE attempted reduction of salaries of
Government employees by the House will
not especially commend the Democracy to
the favor of large and influential class of
voters who are now employed in the civil
service of the Government. 1t is an at
tempt at deragogism which cannot fail to
recoil to the injury of those who originated
Year: 1876

THE New York World boasts that the
Republicans in Congress have failed to
make anything like political capital out of
the vote on the Centennial appropriation
bill. OF couHse they did, because it was
not question involving any political issue.
The only question at stake was one of
patriotism, non. sectionalism and public
spirited generosity. In other words, it
was a national measure which should have
been supported regardless CT party or par
tisan motives. But we submit that the
following statement of the vote on the pas
sage of the bill, which we copy from the


World Of yesterday, tells significant tale:
Year: 1876

The report printed by a Baltimore paper and
copied with some unjust comments in the
Star, concerning ex-Commissioner Smith, is
pronounced by all who know the gentleman
and the circumstances surrounding the case to
be without a scintilla of truth.
Year: 1876

The three single wonders of the day. Not
a single member of the Minnesota Legislature
was born in the State: not a single member of
the New York Legislature is married, and not
a single Republican is to be allowed to re-
main in Office within the jurisdiction of the
Confederate House.
Year: 1876

tuese Hne uayb oiu Ddu lucAeT Will DC very
late for his political supper.


The report printed by Baltimore paper and
copied with some unjust comments in the
Star, concerning ex-Commissioner Smith, is
pronounced by all who know the gentleman
and the circumstances surrounding the case to
be without scintilla of truth.


"Bob," said William, "come, let US go up to
Congress and hear the debates" "How long
are you going to be gomez" inquired Bob.
"What difference docs time make to you?"
said William. "Oh, none," returned Bob,
''only grandmother is dying, and want 10 get
back in time to see her Off"


The three single wonders of the day. Not
a single member of the Minnesota Legislature
was born in the State: not a single member of
the New York Legislature is married, and not
a single Republican is to be allowed to re-
main in office within the jurisdiction of the
Confederate House.


An English medical journal says that women
are getting a monopoly of neuralgia because
SO much of their heads is exposed to the air.
Ever since she advised young ladies to pick
out plump, blue yeined young men for hus-
bands, we have been thinking that something
was the matter with Gail Hamilton. There
is no doubt but that gale is the cause oft.


We do wish that, in the name OF all that is
good and pure and true in life. those 'scape-
goats of the ministry would fold their shrouds
of villainy about them and lie down in eternal
sleep. First 1t is murderer, next an abor-
ZIONIST, then a seducer, and now we hear of
an absconder, whose former reputation as
clergyman was high, stealing clandestinely
away from justice with the sin of forgery,
perjury and theft narrowing his soul and
bringing disgrace and misery and woe to his
family.


The reduction of the diplomatic salaries pro-
posed by the Democratic House is being gen
orally condemned by the better class of jour-
nails throughout the country. 1t is we'll
known fact that most of our foreign officers
have never been sustained with those comforts
and facilities which 1t is the duty of great
nation to accord to its representatives abroad,
and some of them have been in an impover-
ished condition because of the false idea of
economy in some things that has seized upon
Congress for the past few years.


The police say tina, notwithstanding it is
leap year, if the young ladies persist in lolter-
ing about the theatre door and making remarks
about the handsome young men who trip tim
idly out, they will have to make an example
of them for the benefit of future generations.
There is also a secret movement on foot TO
prevent young ladies from rushing pell-mell
out of the theatres between the acts and COM
ing back after the curtain has raised breathing
hard and stumbling around over the chairs,
which always has a strong tendency to disturb
nervous gentlemen who may be in the audience.
Year: 1876

Money paid under misapprehension
Of facts, may be recovered back.


Money voluntarily paid with a full
knowledge of the facts and circumstances
of the case, though in ignorance of legs
rights, cannot be recovered back.
.. rr4a rr4aaie4%s e4%ssiaapsNeCy note, tas payment
the mortgage with it.


Payment to one partner is a payment
to both, unless strictly forbidden,


A debtor has the right, at the time Of
making payment, to direct as to what
debt it shall be applied.


II debtor fails to make such applica
ton, the creditor may apply the money
paid upon any demand against the debtor
which he may choose.


Where no place of payment is agreed
upon, the debtor must seek the creditor
at his domicl or place of business.


Upon the sale of an article, payment Is
to be made on delivery, unless some
other time be specified.


Allowing time for payment will not
however, vitiate the contract.


In case of two sales Of personal prop
erty, both equally valid, his is the better
right who first gets possession Of the
property. Is


No man can, by his sale transfer tc
another the right of ownership in thing
wherein he himself has not the right Of
property.
Year: 1876

SEEING GHosTs. There is a curious
case related Of man who was well
known character and man of sense, where
it was said he used to see a number of
people in the room with him, Now he
himself has described the whole Of the
phenomenon, and all the adjuncts to It.
He said that after taking a cup of tea or
coffee, or so on, they come into his room
in great numbers, and as he got better
and less nervous he has only seen the
arms or legs Of the persons, without see-
ing any other part Of them. Now this Is
an irregular action ofthe retina Of the eye.
A gentleman sitting in his library one
day, reading or writing. on turning
round his head saw, sitting in chair q
woman in red cloak. And he said,
"How came you in here, good woman 7"
The woman said nothing. "What Is the
meaning of your being here, womanT.
No answer was made. "You have no
right to be here; so out Of the room,"
She took no notice Of him. He got up
and rang the bell for the servant The
servant came in. "Turu this woman
out" .What woman. sir ?" "Why, the
woman in the red cloak" "There's no
woman, nor red cloak. SIR" "Well 60
and fetch the doctor for me. Tell him
am i'll, and wish to speak to him" The
man, however, was not to be frightened
by this because he knew 1t was a delu-
sion of his sight.
Year: 1876

The great sin of suicide is not tho
sin of murder, which is an offence against
the law, but the sin of unbeliet, which
consists in taking the care and keeping OF
life out Of Gods hand. and assuming 1t
for ones self 1t is this act OF pious un.
belief which constitutes the great sin OF
suicide But there is not, that We see.
any special reason why a christian burial
should be denied to a suicide more than
to any man whose life has been Goddess;
in fact, considering the weakness OF poor
human nature. the suicides claim Tor
charity would seem at times to be better.
--Charch Union
Year: 1876

AN lNvINcIBfE Book AGENr-A GER,
tain physician on the public square has a
large card hung up in his office with
these words printed thereon: Book
agents and pedlers charged So an hour
for conversation" The other day a
book agent came and was just beginning
n rigmarole about "the latest and best
work on when the physician pointed
to the card. He read the words over
but once, when he handed the physician
S5 bill, and was about to commence
operations again, when the man of medi.
cine said: " Take a chair, please, and
keep your money. Hand me your sub
scription book" He has now bought a
brace of Derringefs.
Year: 1876

hends very much more than Repeal. Home
knle would restore the Constitution of 1882,
aud We may trust q muoh stabler, because q
more workable Constitution. All this has
been demonstrated over and over again in
language much more powerful than mine, and
the resnit is to be seen in living operation in
the United States of America


IL IS sometimes said by persons whom can
hardly acquit of wilfnl misrepresentation that
we are only looking for O Parish Vestry or o
Local Board. No statement can be more un.
true, unless indeed the State Legislatures of
America are Vestries.


And nov, fit is allowable to conclude this
letter with word of advice to sincere, but
venture to think mistaken patriots, such as
the Marchioness of Queensberry it would be to
ask them diligently to try their oonsoienoes
ana see IT they thoroughly understand the real
points Of difference between themselves and
the Home Rulers before th8S determine to
continue their efforts to SOW dissension in the
National ranks, and once more to exhibit to
mocking enemies the familiar spectacle of the
irish household divided against itself. Much
Of the weakness and disunion of Irish political
parties proceeds from intellectual causes. We
are quick wittsd and impulsive people, and
often take up hastily erroneous notions affeot.
ing the best interests of the country, beoause
We nave not given the requisite time or Btudy
20 ascertain each others meaning, aud to de-
fine our points of difference or of agreement.


am persuaded that it 10 30 now.


IT your correspondent has thoroughly mas
tered Mr. Butts work on Federalism, and,
Home Government of Ireland" of Mr. John
George Mccarthy, and still thinks those who
sgree with them to be TRAITORS" II they are
not not Foreigners" Iihave nothing further to say
The little treatise of the member for Mallow
is of inestimable value, and always keep o
number of copies by me to present to anyone,
toreig1sr or native, who is anxious to know
the end and aim of those who call themselves
by the name of Home Rulers, and are banded
together under the leadership of Isaac Bntt
Am guilty of injustice in limiting my belief
that few of the anti. Home Rulers belonging to
The National party have studied and made
themselves masters of the arguments contained
In that brief but condensed treatise


am, sir, your faithful servant,


MITCHELL HEHRY.
Year: 1876

FAMILY DIsCUssIoNs.-Yest
noon bold, bad boy who lives on Co
lumbia street went from school and said:
Dear mother mayn't l go in my bare
feet this afternoon None of the bows
wear. shoes in the spring" But his
mother said: mo, my darling boy.
1 cannot let you GO barefooted, and If
you tease me about it, I will waffle
your tender cuticule with the unkind
end of cheerful skate strap" So the
bold, bad boy closed the debate with a
sigh, and when the yeas and nays were
called his motion did not prevail, and
the house soon afteradjourned. But the
boy went out of the yard by the alleyway.
and took off his shoes and stockings,
and hid them behind the wood-pile. and
scudded merrily off to school. and eyery-
body admired his fat. muddy bare feet.
But when he got out of school the ground
was covered with snow, and he had a
very solemn time hippi,y hopping back
home. and when he got there he couldn't
tell the woodpile from a havstack. and
his shoes and stockings might as vel.
have been in the middle of the ocean
for all the good they did him. So be
went into the house, and. after a great
deal OF tlibustering. he made his report,
which tabled, and the house went into
Committee of the whole on the boy
His mother took the floor, and after an
exciting and highly interesting session
the committee rose and the house ad-
lourned. while the boy rubbed such
portions Of his anatomy &C he could
reach, and framed bill for the more
perfect prevention Of chilblains.
Year: 1876

Mr.. SKIpMoRE' BUeLE.-Mr. Peter
Skidmore, of Germantown, plays a lit.
tie on the bugle. One night last sum-
mer he went into the parlor in the dark
and felt over the top Of the piano for
the horn. 1t happened that his aunt
from Penn's Grove had been there that
day, and had left her brass ear trumpet
lying on the piano, and Peter got hold
of this without perceiving the mistake,
as the two were of similar shape.


He took it in his hand and went out
on the porch where Miss Mills was
sitting talking to his sister. He asked
Miss Mills if she was fond of music on
the horn, and when she said she adored
it, be asked her how she would like him
to play Ever of Thee" and she said
that was the only tune she cared any
thing for.


So Peter put the small end of the
trumpet to his lips and blew. He blew
and blew. Then he blew some more,
and then he drew fresh. breath and
blew again. The only sound that came
was a hollow moan, which sounded SO
queerly in the darkness that Miss Mills
asked him if he was not well. And
when he said he was, she said that he
went exactly like a second cousin Of
hers that had the asthma


Then Peter remarked that somehow
the horn was out Of order for Ever OF
Thee" but if Miss Mills would like to
hear "Sweely l dreamed, love-" he
would try TO play it, and Miss Mills
said that the fondest recollections clus.
tered around that melody.


So Peter put his trumpet to his lips
again, and strained his lungs in an eff.
fort to make some music. 1t wouldn't
come, but he made a very singular
noise, which Induced Miss Mills to
ask if the horse in the stable back oi
the house had heaves. Then Peter said
he thought somebody must have pu,
plugs in his bugle, and he asked hi.
sister to light the gas in the entry Will,
he cleaned it out. When she did 8,
the ear trumpet became painfully con.
spicuous, and both girls laughed
When Miss Mills laughed Peter looked
up at her with pain in his face, put on
his hat and went out into the steet
where he could say over an unlimited
amout of sensational language to him.
self.


He is courting another girl now, anG
learning to play on the piano.
Year: 1876

CURRAx's INaENuITY.-Af farmer at
tending a fair with hundred pounds
in his pocket, took the precaution OF
depositing the money in the hands oi
the proprietor of the public house at
which he stopped. Having occasion
for it shortly afterwards, he resorted
to mine host for payment. But the
landlord, too deep for the countryman,
wondered what he meant, and was quite
sure no such sum had ever been lodged
in his hands by the astonished rustic


After Intellectual appeals to the re.
collection, and finally to the honor oi
Bardolph. the farmer applied to Cur.
ran, for advice.


Have patience my friend" said the
counsel; speak to the landlord civilly
tell him you have left your money
with some other person. Take friend
with you, and lodge with him another
hundred in the presence of your friend
and come to me-"
J. He did SO, aud returned to his lega
friend.


"And now can't see how I am 60
ing to be any better off for this, If
get my second hundred back again
But how is that to be done I"
Go ask him for it when he is alone,
said the counsel.


Ave, sir, asking won't do am afraid
without my witness, at any rate


Never mind; take my advice said
the counsel: do as bid you and return
to me-


The farmer returned with his hun
dred glad to find that safely in his pos
session.


Now, sir, I must be content, but
don't see that I am much better off,
well, them said the counsel, NOV
take your friend along with you, ans
ask the landlord for the hundred
pounds your friend saw you leave will
him.


/ We need not add that the willy land
lord found be had been taken of hi
guard, While our honest friend re.urnea
to thank his counsel exultingly will
both hundred in his pocket.
Year: 1876

MUSCLE AGAINST BRAIN.-When
Jackson was moving on to strike Nc
Clellan's flank on the Chickahominy,
he came to stream that had no bridge,
and couldn't be crossed without one.
The General had brought with him
from the Valley, a rough uneducated
man; full of energy who had served him
in emergencies, and in whom be had
the utmost confidence. He called bis
man and told him that the stream must
be bridged immediately; the regular
engineers were advised Of the fact. In
a short time the rough carpenter and
the polished men of science were at the
stream, the former had his plan, the
latter theirs; he wished to 60 to work
at once without drawings, but they OBJ
jected until they corld perfect the plans
on paper. The engineers retired to
their tent to perfect n paper bridge;
the carpenter took his men and went
to work to make real one. In n yery
short time he appeared at the Generals
tent and reported briefly, thus: Gen
eral that bridge is done, but them pic.
lures amt come yet"
Year: 1876

An AWFUL FAfE.-His name was
Hippodam. His uncle left him some
money, and he started in the grocery
and provision business. The canvas.
sers came around there from the news
papers and said be had the best local.
ity in town. the incest stock, and all
that and then went banging at him for
IN advertisement He had read in the
papers that John Jacob Astor, A. T.
Stewart, John Smith, Daniel Pratt, and
hosts Of others had once been poor, and
had made their start by advertising.
He believed il all, dough head that be
was, and he advertised four squares in
the Badger, half q column in the Moon.
shine, and slipped a five-dollar bill to the
reporters and told them to say good
word for him.


IL srsposkers did, and when people
saw from the advertisement that Hippo
fam had started into business with a
fresh, large stock, they rushed for his
store. Then his troubles commenced.
He had to hire an extra clerk and cash
boy. He couldn't find time to sit down
on . candle box, thrust his feet upon
the stove and gossip about politics and
the rascality of Belknap Every day or
two be had % write or telegraph for
new goods, ordering more coffee, tea.
sugar, or spices, and when the goods
came he had to open them and retail
them out.


As day after day went by people be-
gan to notice that Hippoham was grow
ing thin and pale. He looked care-worn
and harassed, as if driven. He kept
advertising and people kept patronizing
him. Other grocers could get time to
60 off on excursions, and to sit down for
hours at a time aud play checkers and
dominoes, but Hippofam could not get
an hour to himself, except time to sleep.
BY and BY he had to open an account
with vet another bank, get more clerks;
and cash-boys; and it came about that
he kept a carriage, built a fine house,
wore broad cloth and was elected mayor
of the town.


OF course a man couldn't go on in
this way many years without breaking
down in eAlth, and the day came at
last thse hppofiam had the dyspepsia,
rheumatism and several other COM
plants. The shadow of death hung
over him, while the grocers that hadn't,
advertised at all grew fat and portly
and had double chins on 'em. They
had time to 60 fishing, were never tired
out looking over their bank accounts,
and it wasn't once year that they had
to order any thing more than box Of her.
rings.


Broken down in health, feeling mad
at all the world, and finding himself a
victim of the newspapers, Hippofiam
one day drew all his money out Of the
bank, passed it over to a lunatic asylum,
set his store on FIRE, blew up his man.
sion with a keg of powder. and then
hanged himself to a peach tree in the
backyard.


The coroner cut him down, the jury
sat upon him, and the verdict was: Adver-
tising killed him, and we hereby warn
all business men to let his fate be an
awful example against patroniziug news
papers.
Year: 1876

g A lady kept an Indiana car wait
ing two minutes the other morning.
She wished to kiss another lady good
bye before she got of. The driver,
thinking she bad got off, whipped up
as she had got on the step; the conse-
quence was that she fell violently on
her face. If ever kiss anybody
again ~ said she vengefully, as she
arose, any woman, at least, she thought
fully added.
Year: 1876

The four pedestrians continued then
tramp. At the junction one Of them
turned away. Where they went no
one can guess now. The other two
kept on, their faces turned southwark.
When they had arrived at the corner Of
Twelfth and Main streets they paused
in the shadow of church spire, and be
said:


"Whose valentine are you ?"


And she put her head on the lapel
of his coat and said in low, sweet way,
"Yours."


He didn't say anything for q minute,
and then, when the minute had van
isbed he did. He said:


''Come to the masquerade next week.
Look for the Heathen Chinee. Twill
be that one"


And she said, 81 will be the peasant
girl, coming through the rye"


And he said, wont it be nice ?"


And she said, 81 hope So"


And he asked her again, saying,
"Whose valentine are you?"


And she said, 81 am your valen-
tine"


She never got any further with her
sentence. She went away as if she had
been hurt. He put both Of his hands
up to his eyes and wiped the contents
of three or four egg-shells out of his
eyes, and combed his hair with his
hands. Then when he looked around
he was alone. He walked off as though
miracle had been performed, and
looked around the corner to see if he
could see anybody he ever saw before.
Then he went down town to the river
and washed his face. Then he went
up town and took drink. Then he
tried to persuade himself it was all q
dream. Then he went home cautious
ly, and when he got at the gate he
whistled to wake up the dog, to make
sure he was at the right place. The
dog wagged his tail and the master
went in. He kissed his own babes as
they lay in repose with the angel smile
upon them. He looked around to see
if his wife was asleep, and she was, SO
far as he could see. Then he warmed
his toes, disrobed, and crawled silent
ly into bed SO as not to disturb the
partner Of his joys. Just as he was
going to sleep he put his hand eau
tiously over her side of the bed to sat
isfy himself she was there. She never
moved. That's all right" he NUT
tered to himself, and Strengthened out.


Then she got up, quietly. She went
into the pantry and came back. She
had something in basket. She turned
up the light. He turned up his face, and
she hit him between the eyes with anegg
He put his arm up and said, 'Dearie, what
it the matterI' And she turned up the
light little more, and threw another
one. 1t caromed on his nose. He
lodged under the cover and held it
down. She went to the foot of the
bed, lifted it up, and "biff" went anoth.
er egg. He jumped out of bed, and
said, why darling, what on earth"
Then she put her hands on her hips,
and looking him in the face, said, with
emphasis on the first word, "Whose
valentine are you, any how ?"


He sat up the remainder of the night,
rocking the children. He knows who
threw the eggs at the corner of 18th
and Main street. Aud he won't go to
the masquerade, either.
Year: 1876

Somebody had sent it annnr-
niur,:'lv to Kitty her last birth
day. She declared she did
not know where it came from,
end itsvas quite true she did
not; but she could have made
All excellent guess it she had
l,fl