Year: 1871

L got into the cars and TOOK scat IN
juxtaposition to female. That females
face was perfect insurance company for
her-it insured her against ever getting
married to anybody except blind man.
Her mouth looked ike crack in a dried
lemon, and there was no more expression
in her face than there is in the spinal col
umn of cold custard. She appeared as
if she had been through one famine and
had got about two thirds through another.
She was old enough to be greats grand
mother to Mary that had the little lamb.
She was chewing prize popcorn, and carri-
ed in her hand yellow rose, while band
by her side couldn't guess whether she
was on a mission of charity, or going west
to start saw-mill. was full Of curiosity
to hear her speak, SO / said:


"The exigencies of the times require
great ci-cumspection in person who is
travelling"


Said She, "What ~


Says I, "the orb of day shines resplend-
ent in the blue vault above"


She hitched around uneasy like, then she
raiaed her umbrella and said, 81 don't
want any of your sass-git out )" and
got out.


Then took seat alongside of male
fellow who looked like the ghost of Hamlet
heightened out He was a stately cuss,
and he was reading.


Said I, "Mister did you ever see camel
leopard! I said camel leopard because it
is pious animal, and never eats any grass
without getting down ON his knees. He
said he hadn't seen camel leopard
Then [ said, "Do you chew ?"
I He said, "No sir"


Then I said, "How sweet is nature?"


lie took this for sonundrum, and said
"he didn't know" Then he said he was
deeply interested in the history of great
man. Alas he exclaimed, "we are but
few"


told him | knew one; "the man thas
made my cooking stove was CRATE man."


Then he asked me "would l read ?"


Says swhat you got ?"


He replied "Watts Hymns" Reveries
by Moonlight" end "How to spend the
Sabbath"


7 said, sNone of them for Hannah" but
if he had got an unabridged Business Di-
rectory of New York City, would take
little read


Then he said, "Young man, look at these
gray hairs"


told him | saw them, and when q man
got as old as he he ought to dye. Said I,
"You needn't think these hairs are any
sign of wisdom it's only sign that your
system lacks iron; and advise you to go
home and swallow a crowbar."


He took this for irony, and what little
entente cordiale there was between rs was
spilled. 1t turned out that he was chap
lain of base ball club.


When we got to Rochester l called for o
bowl of bean soup. 1t ought to be called
lean soup. I send you the receipt for max
ing it: "Take lot of water, wash it well,
and broil it until it is brown on both sides
then very carefully pour one bean into it
and let it simmer. When the bean begins
TO get restless sweeten it with salt, then
put it up in alright cans, hitch each can
to brick, and chuck them overheard,
and the soup is done.


The above receipt originated withla man
In Iowa, who gets up suppers on odd oc-
casion for Odd Fellows. He has a receipt
for oyster soup, and leaving out the salt.


Speaking of Iowa reminds me of the
way | got the money to pay for my ticket
to pay for that Odd Fellows supper. I
bet fellow dollar that I could tell him
how much water to quart went under the
railroad bridge over the Mississippi at
at Dubuque in year. He, bet and l said
two pints to quart. l won the bet, but
after all, that supper was an awful swindle.
If the city didn't settle faster than its coffee
did, its old settlers club would be fall
ure, and the city too.


Dubuque is celebrated for its fine turn
outs. There was a very fine turnout on
the streets while l was there wagon
upset and spilled lot of women. didn't
see it, l looked the other way. No cards.