Year: 1873

While mutual friends in Centerville
We're lauding my fair cousin, mutual
friends in indianapolis were decided in
their eulogies of me, and preparing her
mind for an alliance.


l am not self-conceited Believing
such a concord must be born of an obvi-
ous fact, settled on the idea of marry
ing this wonder in beauty, soul and ac-
complishment.


My intent was quickly confirmed upon
hearing that very wealthy and influ-
entail banker from Gotham was in the
melting mood. l remember it was mid
night. l limited from my store the last
batch of chronic loungers, and selected
the best stationery in my establish
ment. l was to write my first letter to
Kate.


Such reply as I received Well
you must see it-you shall see it. 1
have good gas works, but am made
quate. In brief time we learned that
each knew the other well. The much
said by SO many mutual friends, super
added to our daguerrotypes and letters,
made us a comprehending couple. In
fact, we confessed our love-a full,
round, ripe and lusuious article. There
could be no unsafety in the case.


Our lineage was in common, and every
fact known, what followed is clear-an
engagement-yes, between unseen low
ers and cousins.


Twas "dying" to fold her to my heart,
but my souls condition and matur-
ing appointments postponed indefi-
nitely.


What did you say? Why did she not
visit some of our friends at Centerville
I answer you cheerfully. She had her
notions and would entertain them.
Though we were plighted, she declared
it should not be said that she made the
first visit. Many believe her right. I,
don't argue the point, but merely an
swer the question.


Weeks passed letters were numerous
and saccharine. The time arrived when
l could endure my single condition no
longer. What if some one were to cut
me out at the eleventh hour? With
such love what would become of me? 1
was determined to own her, even if 1 did
not see her for decade


An idea dawned-a brilliant one. It
was to compass a speedy marriage and
satisfy her thirst for romance. After n
flood of tenderness, of dramatic prepar-
alton, 1 wrote, t., my adored one,
let us depart from this stale routine, and
wed by telegraph"


The idea took her by storm. Her
answer was characteristic. 1t ran thus :


Darling, I will. The idea is savory,
but it is legal.


Immediately I sent for my friend, the
Judge. Soon as he faced me, said I:
"Judge, is a marriage by telegraph
legal ?"


Certainly, sir; see no objection to
a contract by telegraph. 1 readily see
how all these requirements can be ac-
complished."


"Will you state this opinion on paper
and describe formula for an electric
wedding"


"With pleasure, SIR


The Judge understood me, and gladly
complied. The result I forwarded to
Kate by return mail, and soon received
word that on the following Thursday
she and the proper authority would pre-
sent themselves at the indianapolis Office
according to formula, there to enter the
holy state of matrimony.


l tell you the appointed day was
great one among the mutual friends at
each end of the wire. The affair was so
novel that all else was eclipsed by the
contemplation of it.


Clergymen and witnesses assembled
at the termini. There, in full costume,
two unseen lovers were to be made man
and wife. The instrument began its
tick, tick, ticking. The operator read,
the clergyman put questions, I answered,
the instrument did more work, and soon
I was saluted as the husband of Kate
Leary. Happy was I, though the pos
SCISSOR of lady I never beheld.


One week passed and was still with
out help. My brain was becoming fren-
zied. 1 must see Kate, and must go to
her first, for it was her fiat, and well did
l know what a Leary was.


By entreaty, prevailed upon brother
merchant to loan me his best clerk.
Soon as he put his foot in the store I
put mine in the stage, en- route for the
capital of Indiana.


When about twelve miles from the
city we stopped for passenger. 1t was
lady. Such beauty 1 never beheld.
She resembled my likeness of Kate, but
was far more beautiful. I own, my
heart went out to her. Call me tickle,
say what you please, and 1 will bear it,
repeat my heart gushed forth flood
of love.


Here was a fix I, married man,
going to see his telegraphic bride, and
as Geographically in love with another