Year: 1872

neighbors, 1 arose, and without stop
ping to dress, fastened to the door and
opened it, only TO confront tall and
and thin breasted female in spectacle,
who was getting up a club for the New
York ,SlaSher. Forgetting the abbrevia-
ted condition of my apparel, 1 said
" certainly, madam, l will subscribe,
step in - but just at that moment she
caught fair view of me, and yelled
"police /" at the same time catching
her foot in the door. scraper and falling
backward down seven steps, screaming
murder and police at every breath, and
with her satchel and its contents strewn
around her. 1 slammed the door, ran
and jumped into the bed so suddenly
that my wife, who had dropped oft to
sleep after the first alarm, awoke and
Joined her screams to those outside.
finally quieted her by stuffing a pillow
in her mouth, but the children here set
in with their yells, two hundred pound
policeman broke the front door in, and,
and-but why continue the tale of my
woe.


Everything has been more quiet to-
day, and l would be perfectly happy if
those boots l am trying to break in were
two sizes larger; but then Longfellow
says "Into each life some rain must
fall Angeline says she found the
cards of six sewing machine agents
showed in under the front door upon
her return from a neighbors to day.
hope these industrious members of So
ciety do not contemplate raid on me
at present. have promised Angeline
a frst-class machine as soon as [ can get
around to it, but that will not be for
month yet.


If things keep on in this way I shall
be compelled to leave Cleveland and
move out into the wilderness. The peo-
pie are too sociable and business men
too energetic for me. The four insur-
ance agents, a patent fence and wash
tub man, and six lightning rod men,
called at the store to-day to see about
insuring, fencing, wash tubing and
rodding me into a state of happiness
and comfort. Mr.. Grinder, my en-
ployer, said to me, You must not have
your friends visit you during business
hours, Jones" which made me SO vexed,


To-day everything ran like clockwork
until arrived at home, when l found a
team of dashing horses hitched to a
couple of dwarf pear trees in the front
yard, and bright red wagon filled with
ladders and things stood in the middle
Of bed of fuchias and geranioms,
bull dog of the yellow variety and with
teeth like cross-cut saw, smiled at me
from the door step. while two men upon
the roof were busy tearing off shingles
and driving hooks into the chimney. |
made careful detour and entered my
house to find q black whiskered chap,
smelling strongly of patchouly, leaning
lovingly over Angerina's shoulder, while
she--was engaged in practicing on a
sewing machine. "What in the name
of all that is cheeky does this mean ?"
said l. "Ahi' replied old Patchouly,
with leer at my wife, "your husband,
l presume. The fact is sir, your wife
Ia devilish fine woman by the way) has
decided to purchase one of our double
treadle reversible needle warranted not
to rip ravel nor run down at the heel
sewing machines" But Iforbear-why
repeat what followed?


My entry in this journal to-day will
be brief but to the point. l am wearing
a saddlerock oyster over my eye. An
gelina is in tears and in bed with
strong odor of camphor about her per-
son. But no back action double
treadle" sewing machine decks my
house, and were it not for the trampJed
condition of my flower bed and few
displaced shingles on the roof, one
would never dream that two able. bodied
lightning rod men had attempted to go
through me yesterday. l must organ
ize for war, however, on the Prussian
plan.


Peace exists in our household once
more. l have pacified Angelina on the
sewing machine question, and we have
formed an allegiance for offensive pur-
poses against all enemies to our peaceful
home and its happiness. A "small pox"
sign kept the 'agents" away for two
days, but the milkman and postman
also forsook us, and we were forced to
take it down. Since then, by keeping
the doors doubly locked and using a
system of countersigns and raps when
members of the family desired ingress
or egress, the obtrusive visitors were
kept at bay.


How little thought, as finished the
entry in my journal yesterday, that in
stead of seeing the last of my troubles,
they had not fairly commenced. Upon
arising yesterday morning found a
benevolent-lookingm middle-aged gentle
man sitting in my library chair reading
my morning paper. "How did you get
in this house ?" exclaimed. "Excu. e
me-" he replied, 1 borrowed a ladder
, and assembled to your chamber window
at daylight this morning, SO as to be on
hand and show to you one of the most
perfect lightning rods ever made" Here
he unscrewed the cane he carried and
out dropped two sections of "conduc-
tor" l pulled my pepper-box" on
him here and he left by way of win
| dow. 1 then ordered the blacksmith


to place iron bars before the windows.


My little boy awakened me this morn
ing by exclaiming, ooh, papa, come


here to the window, there is a circus out


here, and want to see the elephant" j"


1 did as requested, but what juvenile in


nocence had mistaken for a show u
was about score of lightning rod


wagons, with the horses hitched to my


newly-painted picket-fence. Reclining


on my green and grassy lawn were


forty-three lightning rod men, each


with a sample of his wares in one


hand, and tight-note in the other fol


the unlucky victim to sign if he coulc


not pay cash. While l was thinking


what to do up drove seven sewing ma


chine men, each with machine strapped


in the hind of his wagon, and which


they commenced to unload shortly aftel


coming to a halt. A scuffiing sounc


emanated from the fireplace il