Year: 1871

Queen Elizabeth is dead. 1t doesn't
make any matter how we got the infor-
nation. This is none of our fght-this
quarrel between the Associated Press
and its rival. We've received the news
and that's enough. She died two hun
dred and sixty-eight years ago the twen-
ty.fourth of last month. She survived
until the vital spark had fed, and then
she saw it was no use resisting the in
scrutable decree of fate, and so her un.
fettered soul took its fight into the mys-
terous void, and settled down in that
bourne from which no traveller returns
unless he has a mission to jerk chairs
around and rap on tables for the benefit
of mediums and other long-haired, Wild
eyed lunatics.


Queen Elisabeth was virginia verg-
in on seventy; and yet the fire cleaned
as brightly as ever in her cream.coored
eye, and the sheen of her finely tinted
maroon nose contrasted as forcibly as in
her youth with the alabaster of her brow
and the plugs in her teeth were just as
valuable as when gold was at 156.


She had no small vices. She did not
smoke or chew or belong to the society
for promotion of cruelty to animals
And when she swore, she never descend
cd to the vulgarity of Horace Greeley
Queen Elizabeth didn't. When she used
profanity, she gave it with finish, ar
elegance, delicate airy grace, and in
fused into it a luxurious abandon, and
rounded it off carefully at the corners
and dressed it up with well selected poet
ical adjectives, so that it sounded like Q
strain from some sweet singer, like some
singer straining himself in fact. Anc
she had red hair.


Her chignon was burglar proof. AnC
often, in the dim twilight Of evening
when the sun had sunk to rest, when th,
Western sky was filed with tender radi
ance and Lambeth light, and the bulbu
woed the rose in the back yard, she would
play few notes upon her harpschord Of
write Latin hymn or an essay upon thu
Harrison boiler. She was supposed to b,
the author Of Rock Me to Sleep Moth
er," and Beautiful Snow" and "Fiv,
O'clock in the Morning" But neverthe
less she was very estimable woman
and with all her faults we love her still


better, indeed, than if she were still
iooling around.


Queen Elizabeth was not proud. Sh,
always insisted upon cleaning her Owl
teeth, even if she was queen and sh,
always did it once week, every Sunday
morning, with her own tooth brush


What lesson does it teach to those VIII,
are naughty and vain, and belong to tn,
bon-ton She never forgot that she wa
mere pcrishablc dust, and that the sneel
and the silk-worm wore her fine clothe
long before she got them, She read ev
cry Sunday School book that taught thes


facts; and she once trod on Sir Waite


Raleigh's cloak to remind him of them


because he was so set up with his ney


fancy cassimeres. She said upon he


death bed that Lydia Thompson nee'


not learn this lesson because it had n


moral for those who browsed around il
Natures simple garb.


Queen Elizabeth was not sorry to die


She foresaw that George f. Train wa
coming to England, and she said to he
physicians that she would prefer the en-
during peace Of the cold and silent grav
to three weeks of George and the Ala
,. bama claims controversy and the Schles
wig-Holstein question all at the sam
time. Her last words were "Kill Hor
: ace Greeley before he has chance t.


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There was not dry eye in that secon'
story front room. Everybody was think
. ing how impossible it was to fulfill he
dying request, and to escape so mucl
misery.


But now she has gone she has left us
we shall see her no more. Perhaps it i
for the best. She was vigorous WON
: an, if she had lived she might have com
to America, and we might have given he
offence, and she might have prance
around here and fogged us like the YER
nation. For she was woman who fol
lowed closely in all the prevailing fash


ions. And so we are glad she is dead
and has four tons of marble planted o.
her to hold her down.


Rest in peace, old girl Rest in pieces
4