smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1873

The amount OF misapplied talents en-
gagged on inventions that can never be
used is as wonderful as it is prolific,
and there is a ludicrous element in
many of the patents, and more of the
applications, which is well worth inves-
tigation. We extract from the Patent
Office an account of some of these, that
show more genius than common-sense,
and have produced more laughter than
profit.


A gentleman applied for patent for
heating canals by steam, so that boat
ing could go on in winter as well as in
summer. The officer decided that this
invention was worthy of protection, and
gave him his patent.


Another applied for q combination Of
clock and bed, so ingeniously contrived
that, when the clock struck, the bottom
of the bed dropped out. He claimed
that this plan would probably awake
the sleepers.


Speaking of combination, he must
have come from Missouri or Kansas
who asked for patent combination of
cannon and plough. For this purpose
he filed three applications, making the
elongated handles of the plough hollow
so as to form two cannons. These were
to be kept loaded till the guerrillas
were after him the cannons were to be
fired, the guerrillas shot down, and
the farmer to go on his ploughing way
rejoicing.


And he, too, must have came from
the borders who asked for patent of a
combination of trunk and house. The
trunk was made with triple sides, NOV
ing up and down. Doing duty all day
in guarding clothes, when night came
on, and no cabin near, the goods were
to be taken out, the triple wall elevated
into one, and the benighted traveller
safely housed.


Another asked for patent for the in
vention of the generation of steam by
boring a hole in the ground till he
reached the waters that are boiled by
the eternal fires of earth. He set forth,
among the advantages of his plan, that
there would be no danger of explosions,
no expense for fuel, no necessity for en-
gineers - all of which statements are
undoubtedly true.


1t must have been relative of this
last gentleman, and one equally ac-
quainted with the laws that govern
the hidden heart of this planet, who ap-
piled for patent for boring the earth
for artesian wells for purposes of irri-
cation. He. gravely set forth that he
had made the discovery that quicksilver
was heavier than common earth. He
therefore proposed to start hole, and
empty into it little mercury. By the
laws of nature that mercury would be
sure to work its way downward till it
struck water, and the water would then
be sure to work its way upward till it
struck air.


All of these gentlemen paid $35 each
for their patent papers, and some of
them even more than this sum. So
they must have applied in sober earnest.
Year: 1873

Mr.. Henry Peters, a farmer, lived in
a comfortable log house in Gross Point,
Mich. His family consisted of q wife
and four daughters, the eldest of the
latter being only fifteen years of age.
On Friday evening, in company with his
wife, he went to a neighbours house to
attend a "barn raising" meeting
which combines industry and pleasure,
leaving these four girls at hene. The
night WAS spent very pleasantly, and
Mr.. Peters and his wife remained until
a late hour, little thinking what ter
rible fate had fallen upon their child
ren.


When they returned home they found,
where their house had been, heap Of
blackened ruins. Their Oldest daugh-
ter, who, after anxious searching, was
found in the neighborhood almost dead
with fright and seriously burned, told
them that at about eleven o'clock at
night, after all the children had been
abed and asleep for some time, she was
awakened by great heat, and, opening
her eyes, discovered the bed and the
room enveloped in flames. She sprang
from the bed, dragging one OF her SIS
ters with her, and made her way through
the smoke and flames as best she could,
to the nearest window.


Before she reached the window her
younger sister tainted with pain and
terror, and she was unable to save her.
She clung to the clothing of her dying
sister, which, in her efforts to drag her
from the fame-enveloped house, were
torn from her body. She leaped out of
the window blinded and exhausted, and
could only stand horror-stricken outside
as the pitiless tongues of flame Tapped
up the dry timbers of the house, and
made an impossible barrier to her re-
turn. The three children were burned
almost to a cinder, scarcely enough of
their bodies remaining to identify them
from the rest of the debris.
Year: 1873

many OF them who were pretty hard.
Since the repeal Of the act compelling
every ship owner to carry a certain num-
ber of boys for every tons register that
he owns, the quality of seamen has de-
generated. Now, out of crew of forty
men it is a lucky chance if you get 10
men who know a lead from handspike.
1t has been crying shame the quality
of seamen we have to take, but there
are no others to be had. The men that
used to go to sea can make on shore
three times the wages that they can by
going to sea. My vessel is no isolated
case. 1t is the same with every steamer
going out of Liverpool. They would
not be worth much in an emergency,
but at the wreck of the Atlantic they
could not do much. 1 have no COM
plant to make of their behavior.


Capt Williams thinks the baggage of
most of the saloon passengers will be
saved, and he goes down to assist the
wreckers. He will remain here doing
what he can to aid Capt Merritt.
Throughout the investigation he has
been entirely candid and taken no ad-
vantage through legal form or quib-
bles. He has no desire to shirk the
fearful responsibility which he assumed
and which still rests upon him. He is
broken down man. "My God !" he
said as left Linn, &c it is horrible ! 1t
all seems to me like fearful night
mare" Poor man Can he ever be
happy again !?
Year: 1873

The initiative faculty of monkeys
seems to exceed everything short of hu-
man. A sailor, having a number of
woolen caps, &C., to dispose of among
the natives, went on shore for that pur-
pose his way to a settlement lying
through a wood very plentifully in
habited by the species above mention
ed, and it being at midday, he put a
cap on his head, laying the others by
his side, and determined upon little
repose under the shade of plantain
tree. To his utter astonishment, when
he awoke, from the specimen he had
given his initiative observers of the use
of his caps, he beheld anumber of them
upon the heads of the monkeys in the
trees round him, while the wearers were
chattering in an unusual manner Find
ing every attempt to regain them fruit
less, he at length, in a fit of rage and
disappointment, and under the supposi-
tion that the one he retained was not
worth taking away, &C, pulled the same
from his head, and throwing it upon
the ground, exclaimed, "Here, confound
you take it amongst ye!" which he had
no sooner done than, to his great sur
prise, the observant monkeys did the
same-by which means he regained the
greatest part of his property.
Year: 1873

Spring navigation on the Hudson riv-
er has its excitements if not it's horrors.
The propeller N.hpa left Hudson for
New York with load of freight and
some thirty passengers. She crashed
through the ice in safety, and, though
going slowly, passed through the OBJ
structions with comparative ease, not
having to stop once till she reached
point little south of Barrytown at two
o'clock in the morning. At this hour
all the passengers had retired to rest,
several of them occupying berths in the
cabin below the main deck and the bal
ance in state rooms which lined the up
per saloon. Suddenly the steamer came
to dead stop in the centre of huge
field of ice. Backing out she ran into
it again, but did not make much head
way. The next time she went in, the
ice broke away on each shore, and the
action of the tide forced the heavy fields
from the west and from the east against
the Nuhpa, holding her as if in wise,
and cuttinga hole, all of two feetsquare,
in her hull, just astern of midships on
the starboard side.


The passengers were told the boat
was sinking, and hurried on deck, and
the women and children were ordered
into boat, as the propeller was sink
ing. Through some misunderstanding
the bow was lowered much faster than
the storm, and suddenly the tackling
broke and the boat with its occupants
fell to the water, one or two of the Ia
dies and one child being hurled into the
river. This created wild scene, and it
was feared several would be drowned.
Fortunate the boat on the port side had
already been lowered, and into itsprang
two or three of the crew, who pulled it
to the starboard side, where the women
were fast drowning. After superhuman
exertion on the part of the crew the wo
men were rescued. In a few moments
all had got into the boats, and now the
question of reaching land in safety was
serious one. A few of the more cour-
ageous rs soon as heavy ice was reached,
stepped from the boat on it and groped
their way ashore, dragging boat over
the ice along with them. Another par
ty started to do the same thing, taking
the ladies with them, one of the men
carrying long ioist. When within
about one hundred feet of the shore the
ice in front of them suddenly cracked
and moved, leaving a chasm ten feet
wide directly in their pathway. This
was new danger, and again the unfor-
tunate passengers were panic-stricken,
and one of the ladies tainted. The man
with a joist threw it across the chasm,
and, taking the swooning lady in his
arms, walked across the water on the
ioist, reaching the shore in safety. The
balance followed, and all except one
man got across nicely. He fell in up to
his neck, but got out gain all right. 1t
was a narrow escape for the passengers
and crew. The boat, of course, sank.
Year: 1873

The New York Bulletin has some very
interesting developments relative to the
failure of the Oriental workmen in New
Jersey, which will disappoint the be-
levers in the coming millennium of Chi
nese labor.


In spite of his apparent docihty (ac-
cording to this testimony he manifests
a lamentable proclivity for the highest
wages going, and to check this tendency
a system of isolation and seclusion from
outside influences is necessary. Intel
ligent white men are disgusted at their
keenness in making bargain and the
growing difficulty of overreaching them
is matter of general complaint The
meek, almond-eyed strangers who were
lately glad to work for little or nothing,
demand the highest wages when they
have learned the trade. But there is
this difference between them and other
workmen. If their demands are re-
fused they do not sit down and starve
in idleness. They generally start on
their own account next door to their old
employer, and draw off his customers
by underselling him in his own special
ty. He is apt to be excess
lively fond of smoking opium, and, like
his betters, gets lazy, and disposed to
take his " day off :" as Oh ten as possible.
He is avaricious, too, to a degree, and
is by no means model of honesty.
Many of the force at Belleville have de-
serted nor have they gone away empty
handed, having left debts to quite large
sums behind them even, in some cases,
having borrowed money from their fell
low countrymen, which has not been
| repai1
Year: 1873

It is common thing in our cities to
protect the heads of draft horses with a
bonnet or cushion to keep off the blaze
of the sun. But Dublin protector
proposes to extend similar protection
over the entire animal. He makes a
frame of wood, whalebone, iron rods or
other flexible but strong material, and
this he places over the horse, few
inches above him, the frame being sup
ported either by attachment to the har-
ness or to the thills of the vehicle.
Upon this frame he stretches a sheet of
canvass, oiled cloth or sheet rubber,
which forms complete pent house to
to keep off either rain or sun. The
space between the animal and the COW
ering permits free passage of air
which aids Transportation and helps to
keep the animal cool. The principle,
as far as this is concerned, is similar to
that of the odd, oval shaped hats worn
by men in the East Indies from time
immemorial. These comprise light
frame of bamboo slips encircling the
forehead and sustaining covering
lined with cork an inch above, and out
of contact with the head. The slight
rustling of the breeze through ones
hair is said to be very refreshing, and
quite possibly horse furnished with
one of the new protectors" may coin
eide with this experience during hot
summer days.
Year: 1873

The splendor of thy roses fills


The silence of my lonely room;
But something in their beauty thrills


More than the brightness of their bloom
'Tis this; thy dear hand gathered them,
And grouped tn, LESS for me.
In every rose who's Javes kiss,


The wonder Of thy love l see.
Two, rising fair above tho rest,


Together seem to breathe apart,
And one of these, supremely blest,


Lies on the others royal heart.
Oh, thus it is with thee and me


From all the crowded world apart,
My all of life-loyes ecstasy


1 only know it through thy heart.
My rose of men, the lesser flower


Cast not from out thy larger heart
Enough if in her waning hour,


She may but perish where thou art.
Year: 1873

II Can Stop Drinking when Please"


This is the language used by all
moderate drinkers, under all circum-
stances, and on all and every oecas-
ion. That is their strong citadel,
and whenever attacked in their weak
points, they redden up and become
excited, and exclaim-


81 can stop drinking whenever I
feel like it. Do you suppose if 1
wanted to stop drinking l would
have to sign pledge? Such weak
ness is unbecoming a gentleman, and
scorn Of his associates. Besides, do
you suppose / would sign pledge
not to touch, taste nor haudle, while
Mary, Melinda, the Misses McFlim-
sey, and Miss Vardens extend the
glass, and ask us to partake of the
nectar, that gives life and vim to
our every action, and thought to our
dull brains, and glib to our stupid
tongues"


This is the invariable answer VIC
get from the Young and inexper-
fenced.


We will step up the round Of the
ladder ten years. Here comes the
man of thirty, with bloated face,
bloodshot eyes and unnaturally ex-
tended body. What does he say?
Why ne laughs at you and says:


81 can stop drinking whenever I
feel ike it.


We take another step of ten years
up the ladder of time. Here comes
a man of forty, staggering and reel
ing in the street, having just been
kicked out Of one those holes Of ini-
guilty, where they sell strychnine at
five cents a glass under the name Of
whisky, because he didn't have the
shekel to pay. Ask him, and what
will he answer:


"Ah, my friend, you are too late;
the devil has fastened his fangs so
firmly in me, there is nothing but
death can release them. There was
time when / would not; now, when
would stop, can't


Fifty years is scarcely ever reach.
ed by these men, and if they do reach
that respectable age, it would be bet
ter for themselves, their families and
the community in which they live,
had they not. Those who say they
can "stop whenever they wish" had
better lay hold Of the golden op-
portunity, for there is q day coming
when they can not be they ever so
willing. Young man, beware of the
first drink. Shun it. 1t is more
dangerous than the most poisonous
reptile, and more venomous than the
forked tongue of the adder.-SoUth-
erR Organ.
Year: 1873

OeaIn OF the First Born.


ms beautiful extrect from DR..
Hollands new book, Arthur Bonni-
castle, will be read with deeu
and tender interest by many whose
experience it truthfnlly portrays:
Il stand in darkened room be-
fore little casket that holds the 81
lent form of my first born. NV arm
is around the wife and mother who
weeps over the lost treasure, and
cannot, till tears have their wav. be
comtorted. l had not the thought
that my child could die-that mar
child could die. 1 knew that other
children had died, but l felt safe.
We lay the little fellow close BY his
grandfather at last; we streW his
grave with flowers, and then return
to our saddened home with hearts
united in sorrow as they had been
in joy, and with sympathies forever
opened toward all who are called 70
la kindred grief 1 wonder where he
is to-day, in what mature angelhood
he stands, how ne will look when 1
meet him, how he will make himself
known to me who has been his teach
Ter! He was like me? will his grand
father know him? I never can cease
thinking of him as cared for and fed
by the same hand to which my own
youthful fingers clung, and as hear
i8g from the fond lips of nv own
fsther the story of his fathers event
full life. l feel how wonderful has
been the ministry of my children
how much more I have learned from
them than they ever learned from
me-how by holding my own strong
life in sweet subordination to their
helplessness, they have taught me
patience, self-sacrifce, self-control,
truthfulness, faith, simplicity and
lpurity.


"Ahl this taking to ones arms. a
little group Of souls, fresh from the
hand Of God, and living with them
in loving companionship through all
their stainless years is, or ought to
be, like living in heaven, for such is
the heavenly kingdom. To no one
of these am I indebted more than to
the boy who went away from me be-
fore the world had touched him with
a stain. The key that shut him in
the tomb was the only key that could
unlock my heart, and let in among
its sympathies the world of sorrow
ling men and women who mourn be.
lcause their little ones are not.


"The little graves, alas! how many
there are! The mourners above
them how vast the multitude! Broth,
lers, sisters, 1 am one with you.
press your hands, I weep with you
1 belong to you. Those waxen, fold
ed hands, that still breast so often
pressed warm to our own, those
sleep bound eyes which have been
Iso full of love and life, that sweet
lunmoving, alabaster face-ah! We
have all looked upon them, and they
have made us one and made us bet
L.,
Year: 1873




The Germantown Telegraph gives
the following:


To one gallon of water take II lbs
salt, / lb sugar, J OF saltpeter, J OF
potash; in this ratio the pickle can
be increased to any quantity desired.
Let these be boiled together until all
the dirt from the sugar rises to the
top, and is skinned off. Then throw
it into the tub to eool,and when cold
pour it over your beef or pork, to re-
main the usual time-four or five
weeks. The meat must be Eell COW
cred with pickle, and should not be
put down for at least two days after
killing, during which time slightly
sprinkle with sa,tpetre, which re-
moves all the surface blood, etc, and
LEAVES the meat fresh and clean
Some omit boiling the pickle, and
find it to answer well, though the op-
Grafton Of boiling purifes the pickle
Iby throwing of the dirt always found
in salt and sugar. If this recipe is
properly tried, it win never be aban.
IdOned,
Year: 1873

The new Legislature will contain
SO Senators and los Representatives
We append list of the same, with
the politics of each. Those marked
with were members of the last
General Assembly:
Year: 1873

The sick man, Mexico, has taken an
important advance step by SO amend
ing the constitution Of that country as
to divorce church and state. If the
amendment be put in practice the
Mexican priesthood will no longer
run the politics Of our neighboring
republic.
Year: 1873




In the last Congress gentleman by
the name Of Edward Grassland demo.
crat of course) represented that Con-
gressional district in Kentucky, which
includes Paducah. He, with all the
rest of the democratic members of
Congress from that State, voted for
the back salary bill, and took the
money. His organ in Padueah, while
it don't flatly indorse the vote of Its
member, yet itputs In the following
excuse, viz: "That Grassland was four
years in the Confederate army, was
three times wounded on the battle.
field, and received his pay in worthless
Confederate money, and If therefore
any man was entitled to back pay
Grassland was" That Is to cay, It is :
good excuse for such Confederate
soldiers to get ell they can out Of the
government, because the government
did not pay them for trying to over
throw it.


No doubt Grassland is good white
supremacy reformer, and will be com.
ing in with flying colors when the Chi
cago 1ribune and Times or the World,
Pomeroy's Democrat, the Dubuque
Herald, and old Bill Allen shall have
resuscitated tte dead corpse OF democ-
racy. 1t will matter not whether they
arrive at it under the democratic name,
or through cunning combination with
the odds and ends of the opponents to
the republican party. If we were not
likely to fall from grace in the eyes Of
the pure reform boilers from the re-
Publican party, we would suggest that
it was quite sufficient exhibition Of
clemency towards those four.year rebel
soldiers, to permit them to occupy
seats on the floor Of Congress at ordi-
nary rates. by the way, IL may be
pertinent to suggest here, that the
great strength which passed the back
salary bill, came from these southern
brethren Of ours, from which quarter
our Tribune, Times, Ford, and Allen
friends expect to recruit their heaviest
columns, in the new reform party. or
the rohabilitated corpse Of democracy,
which are really one and the same
thing,
Year: 1873

played the hymn, "God Preserve Our Emperor
Francis. This over, there were loud cheers
from the company, which were continued
again and again. The iron shutters once
more rolled down, doors were FIRMLY
closed, the police quietly hedged the
multitude out OF the building into the open spaces
ana the Exhibition was at an end. II was appetite
idea to close the Exhibition on this festival
Easter-the season OF returning lfe-narked the
opening OF the exhibition All Souls-the day Of the
dead--marked its close.
Year: 1873

A FIRE KING AT PUBLIC AUCTION, AT BARKER
n. CHASE'S City Auction Mart and New York Tat
ersas Of Broadway and Thirty ninth street On
Saturday June Z at II O'Clock will be sold positively.
geding Fire Kings sired by Piot is lo1 high years
old fne game and extra stylish driver trot close
saddle horse was late the property OF Henry Barley
Esq., and is warranted sound and kind. This horse
purchased of above firm the 2st May last by present
owner a saddle horse for $3.50. Not proving heavy
enough he sells without reserve
Year: 1873

ooh, dear, / shall never get this


ruffle done." said Martha to her mo.
ther, as she sat by her side doing hel
''stint," as it was called. The child
kept leaving off her work to look out
Of the window down into the orchard
where she wished to be at play
Thus she used up her time, and then
fretted because she was so long at
her work, and said it would never be
done.


"O1ly one stitch at time, Martha.
said her mother, "One stitch at time
without leaving of, and your stint
Will be done, for it is not long one
Remember, it was BY ! one step at a
time that you learned to walk; by
one letter at time that you learned
to read; BY one stroke at a time that
you learned to WSite."


The words had power over the
child's mind, and the lesson that abe
learned that day by her mothers
side she never forgot. The words
still have weight with her, although
very many years have passed since
then.


Gone stitch at a time; one step at
a time; one letter at a time: one
stroke at time! Oh, mother, how
funny" said Martha. "And it is by
one stone at 4 time that man builds
the wall, and by one weed at a time
the boy weeds the garden" And
the little fingers now passed nimbly
over the rufile she was hemming, and
before she was aware, the work was
done.


/ once saw two little girls sent in
to the garden by their mother to pick
strawberries. The one kept fretting
and leaving oil to look into the field
where the children were playing,
whom she wished to join. The 9th
er kept on picking, and before her
sisters basket was half full, hers was
full of the ripe red berries.


One berry at a time, without leav-
ing of, and she was ready to car
rY her well filed basket into
the house, receive her mothers smile
and join the other children at their
play; while her sister not only lost
half her play time, but made herself
unhappy by her idleness and diseon7
tent. r4ff F9f


1t is by carrying one straw at a
time thai the bird builds her nest,
one tiny drop of honey at time the
bee fills the hive, by one grain at
time the ants build their houses, and
as the wise man says, Prov. xxx, %,
prepare their meat or food, "in the
summer"


VIII you be less wise, my young
and neglect to lay up in.
childhood, one at q time, gems of
knowledge and truth to brighten your
ripper days?