smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1873

4 MELANCHOLY BREAK Down There
are lively break downs that make an audi
bic laugh, and there are sad and sorrowful
break downs that make the kind hearted
grieve To the latter class belongs the
enervation of body and mind which is usu-
ally called general debility, or nervous
weakness, and which, when neglected,
too often terminates in atrophy and death.
A wholesome medical stimulant is the one
thing needed in cases Of this description
and science and experience unite in point,
ing to PLANTATION BrTTERs as the true
specific The fact that it combines the
properties Of an invigOrant with those of {
regulator and Alternative, in exactly the
proportions necessary to produce radica
change in the tone Of the system, and ths
action Of the digestive and secretive or
gans, is an unanswerable argument in it.
favor as a general restorative.
Year: 1873

From lands end TO lands end, that all may read
and reading, believe, that for the countless NIL
lions who are on the road to untimely grave
with bilious complaints there Is but truly great
and reliable remedy. and that is
Year: 1873

RoUGH ON THE YouNa MAN.-The reason why
a certain young gentleman did not put in his
presence at the Independent speaking here on
Monday night may be briefly stated as fol.
lows: He had made arrangements to 60 with
his girl at eight o'clock About seven he went
down to the BARRIERS, and getting nice shave,
started up to his boarding house to dress He
put on all his duds, broadcloth pants, white
vest etc., and then reached forth into his collar
box which horrible to relate, was empty. He
had only bought box of collars few days be-
fore, but several young men who stop at the
same boarding house had gone through the box
that evening while he was getting shaved. Vent
ing little mild profanity upon the collar thieves
he started down town on dead run for box
of collars. Rushing into store he called for
No. 14la linen finish, but the mud headed clerk
chucked him out box Of 1917 Gas they always
do) with flaming cut of big scarlet, fet wom-
an on the cover. Inside of three minutes the
young gent was back in his room and trying to
put on collar. The first one tore out At the
button.hole, and with smothered "dammet'
he grabbed another and began to twist it around
his neck until he was almost choked, and then
strained to make it connect until the button
came off. Letting off regular broadside Of
profanity he took off his shirt at the same time
and pulling another one from the drawer was
| uside of it in about four seconds. Then he
happened to glance Mt the number on the box,
and saw for the first time just why collar 1877
inches long couldn' go on TO a neck 141. around
Catching up the box he rushed back to the store.
| thinking up long string of curses to sling at
the clerk, and got there just in time to find it
closed Then he rushed back to his boarding
house again, crrsing that clelk all the way, and
! at last by rumaging about in the next room
found collar just his SIZE which hadn't been
worn but once, and putting it on struck at a
| RAPID rate for the house where his lady love


lived, and found that she had just gone out.


In mad despair he went down town to drown


his troubles and cool off. When he got there,


the first oyster saloon he went into, he found
his girl eating oysters with that same cussed


clerk that sold him the collars, He didn't stay


long He was last seen going up Court street


using familiar Bible terms, such as ''mad dog


etc, hut like all other naughty boys he would
repeat them backwards.
Year: 1873

TEE thanks of this Office are due to Jimmy
Walsh <or lot of fine grapes. Jimmy always
makes his appearance just at time when our
appetites are in a condition to relish this lus-
cious fruit He is now supplying the citizens
Of Asbum with the best variety of grapes in
thenmarket May success attend the boy who
never forgets the printers
Year: 1873

LYoN's Tipping his half-dollar didn't elect him


although it did nominate him. The next time
he had better get the people to endorse such
an arrangement if he wants 70 go to the Legisla.
Year: 1873

The New Orleans Picayune is responsible
for the following: A short time since a
worthy magistrate of that city had rather a
difficult question to decide, in the solution of
which he struck out path hitherto unknown
in jurisprudence 1t seems that twelve negroes
appeared before him, each one of whom
swore positively that himself and the other
eleven had done certain amount of work on
a steamboat, and was entitled thereby to
wages 1t was steady streak, each one OF
the dozen swearing precisely the same. On
the other side appeared the mate of the boat
and eleven deck hands, who all twelve swore
directly and point blank to an opposite state
of the facts to those testified to by the twelve
plaintiffs Here the evidence closed, leaving
the Judge to make up his mind. His Honor
scratched his head, looked wise, pondercd
few moments, and then said: 'The law
makes it the duty of the court, when in doubt,
to weigh the evidence. shall proceed to do
so in this case. You, Cunning to one of the
suing party take your crowd over to Mr. -
store and have them weighed, and bring me a
certificate of their weight from the clerk.
And you, (turning to the mate, do the same
with yourself and witnesses. This court must
make up a judgment somehow" The man
date of the court was obeyed; the contestants
appeared with their respective certificates, the
mates party outweighing the other by nine
pounds, which was sufficient to turn the
scales of justice, for judgment was given for
the boat
Year: 1873

Speaking of combinations, he must have
come from Missouri or Kansrs who asked for
il patent for n combination of cannon and
plow. For this purpose he filed three appli-
cations, making the elongated handles hol-
low, so as to form two cannon. These were
to be kept loaded till the guerrillas were after
him; the guerrillas shot down, and the
farmer to go ON his way rejoicing.


Another asked for patent for the inven-
ton of the generation of steam, by boring a
hole into the ground till he reached the wa
tiers that are boiled by the internal fires of
earth. He set forth among the advantages of
his plan, that there would be no danger of
explosions, no expense for fuel, no necessity
of engineers, all of which statements are un-
doubleday true. -.


It must have been relative of this last
gentleman. and one equally well acquainted
with the laws that govern the hidden heart of
this planet, who applied for patent for
boring the earth for artesian wells Tor pur-
poses of irrigation. He gravely set forth
that he made the discovery that quicksilver
was heavier than the common earth. He
therefore proposed to start hole and to
empty into it little mercury. BY the laws
of nature that mercury would be sure to
work its way downward till it struck water,
and the water would then be sure to work its
wav upward till it struck air. '
Year: 1873

The following rules are full of the severe
irony of truth. Strictly obeyed, they will
secure to boy or young man the bitterest
failure that his worst enemy could wish:


Spend your leisure time on whisky bar
rel. Drink as much as you can pay for or
get others to pay for, or get on credit. Smoke
cigars on the same ratio. Master the intrica-
cies of dominocs, billiards and checkers;
above all things, make yourself an adept at
card playing. Chess, the game of an intel
ligent young man who foolishly desires to be
somebody, you should eschew.


Don't read anything except the dime nov
els of the day. Cultivate the impression that
women like to be insulted, and that all men
are thieves If you should ever become con-
scious of decent cmotion-to which weak
ness, alas! the most of us are liable ut odd
moments--crush it out with little inn
promptu blackguardism, or drown it in horn
of whisky.


Make fun of your mother behind her
back, and never think-because thinking is
dangerous-of how much she has done for
you Cheat your father, and borrow your
sisters little savings.


Do these things and whatever else vile and
worthless that may suggest itself to you, and
your ambition will be sated. You shall stag
ger and swagger through life, too insignif-
cant to be despised, and tumble into your
grave almost too loathsome to be pitied.
Year: 1873

The Daily Ne,c Merican, published at Santa
Fe in English and Spanish, says that the
San Juan country is being rapidly. settled up
outside of the reservation. In regard to
mining operations, it says they would have
been extensive this season had not War De-
partment order warned miners off the Indian
reservation. ga general confidence" it
says. sis felt in the richness of the mines,
and if it had not been for this order thou
sands of men would have been at work dur
ing the coming summer, and scores OF mills
operation. A number of mills and furnaces
are already on the ground, but dare not enter
in the face of the Government order" The
Indians would never work mines, and if it is
really true that there are rich deposits OF the
precious metal in their domain, some arrange
ment must be made for the legitimate work
ing of the mines. Let the Government pro-
tect the miners, and in return exact royalty
for the benefit of the aboriginal proprietors.
Year: 1873

A New York pick-pocket makes the fol-
lowing appeal to the public through a public
print of that city. Similar complaints may
be expected from our local thieves and bur-
glars most any time:


SlR:-Please advise your readers always to
leave their names and addresses in their
pocket-books. 1t frequently happens in our
business that we come in possession of porte
monnaies containing private letters and pho
tographs which We would be glad to return,
but We have no means of doing 80. l: is
dangerous to carry them about, so We are
forced to destroy them. Iremember an in
stance where met with serious trouble be-
cause l could not make up my mind to de-
stroy picture of baby which had found
in the pocket book of a gentleman, which
came into my hands in the way of business
on the Third avenue road. had lost baby
myself, the year befcr> of the same age as
this one, and woul ave given all had
for such picture. uere was no name in
the porte-montiaie, and 20 way of finding
out who was the owner, and so like fool l
advertised it and got shadowed for it by the
police. Tell your readers to give us fair
show to be decent-and always leave their
addresses in their pocket-books. We want
to live and let live.


Yours, truly, A APICKPOCKET.
Year: 1873

the number of negroes that died
but Mr.. Stratton informed us that
he had made over thirty coflins up
to last Sunday, for blacks and
whites,Aogethor.


The weather is rather warm for
the season Of the year but not un-
comfortably so, and unless we
should have q visitation of Yellow
fever, we think that our people
need hav6 no further fears. As will
be seen by dispatches printed under
the head of general news, severe
irosts aavc occurred at various
points not very far north or east
of US. One single frost is a death
blow to Yellow Jack always, and
we may reasonably expect to have
this within the next week or ten
days.
Year: 1873

Now that cotton is beginning to
come in, times getting better and
money will soon be more plentiful,
we expect large number of new
subscribers to the Times. All of
our present subscribers can send
one new one without any great
cXcstion. Remember we furnish
the Memphis Appeal with the Times
for $50.
Year: 1873

The colossal steamer james How
ard which was reported scuttledand
burned in our last issue, passed
down on Thursday with huge
barge in tow. She got stuck in the
channel and for awhile seemed fast
for the season just abreast OF town,
but eventually poied OIL.
Year: 1873

It was loudly and vehemently declared on the
streets, yesterday, by sympathizer with Mr.,
Archibald Given, that now the Legislature must
appropriate money to reimburse his fine and
costs. We recommend those who think that
little Job can be done to try It,
Year: 1873

AN incident worth recording happened
in restaurant on Fifth street, day or
two ago. Connected with the press Of
this city is a young man who spent the
years '67, '6S and part of go along the
line of the Union Pacific Railroad, then
in process of construction. On the morn
ing in question the newspaper attache went
into the restaurant, and sat down at a
table. Tis-a-Uis sat another young man,
who presently accosted the newspaper
man:


Mister, it strikes me I've seen you be
fore"


Quite likely" was the response.


Weren't you at Cheyenne in the spring
of esq.,


"Yes"


Didn't you and Chance H help a
fellow down off barrel that was set up on
end under tree, one night?"


This was the introduction. 1t renewed
an acquaintance that began by the saving
of lite, when its owner was piniOned,
rope about his neck, with the other end
tied to the limb of tree, while a savage
and unrelenting Committee of Safety"
stood waiting for the barrel, on which the
poor wretch stood, to ne kicked out from
under him. The doomed man was





fellow, who harmed no one. One nigh.
he had won sum of money from man
who belonged to the Committee of Safety
and the latter attempted to make him give
it back. In the affair which ensued a
vacancy was made in the committee.
| This is what had brought Sam A into
the presence of death there under the tree.
/ The two men had gone among the mob,
and by entrcaty and expOstulatlOn had
succeeded in getting the poor fellows
| sudden sentence "commuted," on condl-
/ ton that he should leave the town IN
thirty minutes. They took him down OIL
! the barrel, united the rope from his neck,
and Cheyenne saw him no more. After
five years he and one of the preservers of
his life met thus by odd chance. 1t is
well enough to add that the life was saved
to some purpose, for the man who stood
upon the barrel is now the trusted
agent Of mining company operating in
Montana, and is in all respects useful
citizen. 1t was close shave-S. Louis
Republican.
Year: 1873

A BLACK AND WHITE Boy CoMBINA-
TIoN.-A remarkable boy was to be seen
at the Nashville depot yesterday; in fact
one of the greatest curiosities of the age.
He is half white and half black, not in the
mulatto and miscegnation sense, but the
lower half of his body is whittier than
white folks usually are, while the upper
portion is black as midnight His moth
er, a coal black negress, was with him,
and they left on the Nashville train at
O'Clock last evening. He is but three
years old, and has already learned to make
money out Of his peculiarities. He made
several nickels yesterday in very few
minutes. There is round patch, about
three inches in diameter, of perfectly
beautiful hair on the top or his head,
which is surrounded by little kinky negro
wool-L0uisuiNe Ledger
Year: 1873

harvest of death would commence and the victims be as numerous US ever before. We believe these reasons are practical and should be needed. So far as General Crook is concerned, it would matter but little. He loves work and activity and to fight Indians in the lava beds of California would probably be no more arduous than watching the Apaches on our vast reservations. But in the name of humanity, in the interest of peace and in behalf of the long-suffering people ot Arizona, we ask that he be left in command of the department of Ari- zona until the work he has commenced is thoroughly completed.
Year: 1873

SEVERAL parties left this week for Sonora to purchase cattle and sheep. If the Apaches will only keep quiet we shall have plenty of stock in Ari- zona before long. According to the ideas of some of the peace people we don't want peace. Oh no, of course not. We want the Indians after we have invested what little we have, to come and take it from us just to have a little light on the subject we like to see them burn our houses, and in order to make a pretty corpse we like to have our scalps taken off. Isn't it jolly for the frontier-man to have the Apaches at war, friend Welch Come out here and try it and see how you like 1t yourself.
Year: 1873

THE miserable Modoc failure Is drawing its slow length along. We have seen and suffered just such mili- tary strategy and imbecility to our hearts content. We are glad this kind of warfare has been transferred from Arizona but we sympathize with California and as an American citizen we are mortified that 1t should be en- acted anywere. We have seen officers seek good roads and pleasant camps and studiously avoid meeting hostile foe, while they had the name of scout ing after Indians. The phrase "can't" was about the only language used in military circles in Arizona until Gen. eral Crook came here, and he very soon told them that he could not find 1t in his dictionary. Does any one suppose that any twenty old mountaineers would leave eight of their dead comrades in the hands of savages not more than twice their number, for weeks? Not unless the last one of them was killed in trying to get them away. And we can tell you kind reader just how they would manage to not only recover the dead bodies but to whip the Modocs. Each one would take his belt full of car tridges, some hard bread and all the water he could carry; they would get among the Modocs by night and in the morning each one would take his rock and fight from behind it with equal chances with the Modoc Whenever he saw head they would shoot at 1t and i'll this way he would whip the fight. Too much West Point will never do 1t.
Year: 1873

JUDGE Hughes received letter from John Montgomery on the San Pedro on Thursday, from which we have been permitted to make tEe fol- lowing extract: "Our dreams of peace are over. The Apache Indians made rad on the settlement this morning and drove off some horses. The people are saddling up to follow them and will be on their trail in a few minutes The letter does not state whether the horses gave these noble red men provocation for taking them from these poor farmers while they are engaged planting their corn, but we presume that our peace friends at the east who know all about them, will be able to give the most ample explanation and show the most un- provoked outrage that these horses or their ancestors have perpetrated upon these Indians or some other Indians at some period not further back than the conquest of Mexico by Cortez. We shall wait with anxiety for further information from the San Pedro, and while this news makes us heart-sick, yet 1t will be seen by an article in another column which was already in type before we received this news. that our fears were that our peace hung upon very slender thread.
Year: 1873

SIOCh OF ALL KINDS
live and fatten the year round on the rich
nutritious grasses. Cattle are beef fat in
March. Three dollars per head will COW
er all expenses until the cattle are mar
ketablc. We never think Of feeding du-
ring winter.


In point of mineral wealth Colorado
stands among the foremost Our noun.
tains are canned full Of Gold, Silver,
Iron, Copper and Lead. Our Coal fields
are as extensive as those Of Pennsylvania.
Our mountains are covered with splendid
pineries, while in many places other spe-
cies of timber abound. Timber is scarce
in the valleys as general thing. The


MORAL CONDITION


Of society will compare favorably with
any portion of the west considering our
age. Though the moral standard is far
below what it should be.


THE EDUCATIONAL INTERESTS
of the Territory have not been neglected
We have good system of Public In,
struction. but in many places the law ex-
lists only on the statue books; still the
school house and the church, the guardi-
ans of civil liberty are springing up
where few years ago the Coyote and
Prairie Dog and Buffalo held undisputed d
sway.


RAILROADS


are penetrating our Territory in every di.
rection. The outside world has learned
of our wealth and they are coming to
share in the developments of our resources
as we'll as sour future glory and prosperity


Colorado is young, energetic and hope.
full, offering as great inducements to the
emigrant as any of her neighbors. Many
are casting in their lots and at the rate the
the country is now filling up her vacant
lands will soon be disposed of. We
would only say to those who have good
homes and are doing well and are satisfied
to remain where they ars, but to young
men who lave no homes and desiie them
and who are spending their fathers hard
earnings and loungiug away the best ror.
tion of their lives in useless, aimless toll,
to seek home somewhere in the great
West. Opportunities will not always
last. If you end this worthy the columns
of your excellent paper you shall have
an article soon on the wealth and resource.
of Las Anilnas County.


Yours truly,


UN AMIGO.
Year: 1873

" in the American Congress. did he by any act
" of his indicate that the money his comrades
i" voted him was 80 polluted by their act of
"robbery that he was too boly,to take it,"
Not TO take it would be to reflect upon his
own consistency in the first place and upon
the honesty of his comrades in the second.


Well. suppose we do not admit the
premises. Suppose I'VE say Mr.. Shelabarger
was fallible lin 1885 and may be now; and
suppose we say the vote Of Congress does not
change One quality of the transaction one whit.
How would this defense stand thenf Here is
gentleman who for some reason voted
against the back pay provision. Either as a
question of morals he considered 1t wrong or
as question of expediency impoltic. 1t was
just as wrong or impOlitic after the vote az
before, and if wrong or impOitic to vote back
pay equally so to take it afterward. But IL
did not enter his head to refuse 1t till the
popular protest came up against 1t. Ana then
he says he strove Sin the forum Of his con-
"science and in view Of all his oDnga-
I" tions to God, country, self, and chll-
"dren to decide rightly and fearlessly
{" what duty was" We do not doubt that he
did. But it occurs to us that the man who
has to wrestle 80 Sin the forum Of his con-
science to "decide rightly and fearlessly"
what his duty is as to taking or refusing
$1,000, and ends the wrestle by taking it, does
not win many laurels in the tussle. No, the
Hon. Samuel Shellabarger may think he
has decided this question in view of all
" obligations to God, country, self, and chill
"dren,D but he deceives himself. Let us set
it down once for all that the man, be he mem
Der Of Congress, Senator or Vice-President
who, after doing a questionable thing, talks
about having settled it in the forum Of con-
science, or having laid it before God in his
closet is trying to fool himself or somebody
else with very cheap and empty cant.


There's one simple test in this back pay
business which we commend to Mr. Shella-
barger and all the rest. He and they took
this plunder because they had the power which
the people had intrusted them with. Would
he or any one of them have dared admit to
the people before election that he had any
such intention 2 Would not every one of
them have denounced any intimation that
they would do what they have done, as libel
and slanderf Leaving out of the question all
other considerations, this one should suffice. Is
it honest to do after election what you would
not dare announce beforehand your purpose
to dol