smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1870

COMMISSIONING DEAD MAN The teie-
graph informed us that at the time of the
death of Stanton his commission had not been
made out. The next day. however, Grant
ordered it made out, signed it and sent it to
his widow. Thus it was that Grant commits
stoned n dead man to be Justice of the Su-
preme Court. Such being the case Of course
there is no vacancy in the place to which he
was appointed. Stanton, though dead, is
Justice. OF course if dead man can be ap.
pointed to Office dead man can hold office
The one is just as reasonable as the other
Grant surely ascertained that it was consttu-
tional and lawful to commission dead man
or be would not have done so. How then is
the dead Stanton ever to be removed from his
Office? The appointment is during good be-
havior. No matter how badly some of us
may think Stanton behaved during life, the
probabilities are that now he is dead be will
behave we'll. AT least we do not think that
his conduct will be such as to render him
liable to impeachment, and that is the only
mode by which q Judge of the Supreme
Court can be gotten rid of. Stanton. there
fore. is Judge for all time. unless Congress
have power to reconstruct the Court and get rid
of ell the incumbents. which power is denied
to it by good constitutional lawyers. VIII
somebody settle this dead Judge dilemma f1r
us? We can't get it through our hesd.-Er
dminer.
Year: 1870

Mr.. EprroS-I saw III the last DEsoCRAT
communication frum Jeffersonville, signed
Nancy Perkins, aud in which she treats the
reading publicto dose of abuse abouther own
town and not content with showing up the
faiiings of her own besotted community, goes
out of the way to slander her betters.
Now, sir. if this place was half as mean as
tha. hog wallow, l would move out tomorrow;
and would like to let her know, that our
men are not in the habit of sleeping in grave
yards, or drinking what l call hog swill con-
tinuously. And furthermore | would like TO
inform her and the world beside, that there
is not more sober set anywhere; (when
they are not drunk than our men, and upon
an average they are nottight more than three
days in the week with the exception Of Snn-
day and are above sucking such slop as she
mentions when they can get better. My hus-
band can tell her is above making q hog Of
himself and is at this moment hard at work.


Augusta Jane My gracious, where is that
girl gone?


Where have you been Miss


O! you have been watching your Father TO
see if he is at work?


Well, pray Miss What is he doing?


Gone where did you say?


Down to the Saloon, ha


Who did be go with


With greasy Bob, and slick Sam, ha.


e.
can carry you, and tell him if be don't come
right up I'll be down there after him in o
jify.


The drafted skunk, after promising me so
faithfully this morning that he wouldn' t
drink any for three days; and after smelling
SO strong for the last week, to go ard get
drunk again. Why it is enough to worry the
patience out of a hedgehog.


He won't come, ha!


What did he say?


III would come down there I'd be blamed
sorry? he is having Spiritual Seance with
greasy Bob, and Wilkes Booth, and if dared
interrupt him he'd do what?





out of me would he, the varmint, he had bet
ter come and try it


l don't know what is going to become of
the men around here! Whisky and Spiritual
ism is playing the devil with EN-. 1t does
seem the more religious, the more whisky
they drink!


Now there is my old man; do believe he
has belonged to all of em since he has been
born. and no sooner does he get one than he
gets tired and takes up with another.


Prentice milford, drat him started this
last one here, and it's the worst of them all
for if they amt consulting with Billy Bow
legs, it's With some other drunken spirit that
keeps them hankering after whisky, and if
didn't know that there was meaner places
than this. / would grieve myself to death :;
for they DO say, that Chinese Campand Mon
tezuma, il two of the wretchedest holes in the
world. Yours ill death.


OPHEIIA WILKINS.
Year: 1870

A STRONG CAsE.-A fat old gentleman who
had been bit in the calf of his leg by dog came
Jouahs % dog % that bds had bitten g him. E1peotine
an action for damages the wag drew up the fol
lowing articles as the ground for his defence:


!. By testimony in favor of the general good
conduct of my dog | can prove that nothing
could make him so forgetful of his dignity as to
bite calf


2. He is blind, and cannot see to bite.


8. Even if he could see to bite it would be
utterly impossible for him to go out of the way
to do so on account of his severe lameness.


4. Granting his eyes and his legs to be good
he has no teeth.


s. Ny dog died six weeks since.


6. / never had dog.
Year: 1870

SENTIMENTAL. The bull dog barks on the
top Of the hill, and the lambs are skipping in
glee but [ m sad as the dickens am-my
gal gave the mitten to me. All, where will |
go, and what will do? tell like crazy
bumbee by thunder, I'll fight FL lick any
boy that says the word mitten to me I'm
really mad--be logged if l amt! l swear l
will kill any she; I'll slather and slash-I'll
murder that gal-by thunder she shan mitten


me No won't do that-Ill spite her-I
will I'll hang myself on big tree and then
she will cry-she Il die in remorse for giving
the mitten to me.
Year: 1870

Nor IN THE HUMoR.-As the polite omnibus
agent of the Lexington and Louisville Railroad
was going through the ladies' car, checking
baggage, he asked very pretty young lady If
she had any baggage which she wished taken
to the hotels? She replied,


No sir


The agent then asked her if she desired a
bus? She instantly gave him sweet smile and
replied .a.as9


No, I'm not in bussiug humor this even
ing


The agent dropped his memorandum book,
hastily retired to the baggage car, and said he
felt unwell.
Year: 1870

Fling down the faded blossoms of the spring,
N Ncr clasp the roses with regretful hand;
The JOY of summer is a vanished thing;


Let it depart and learn to understand
The gadness of great calm-the autumn rest,
The peace-of human joys the latest and the


best.
All / remember how in early days


The primrose and the wild-fower grew be-


side
Ny tangled forest paths, whose devious ways
Filled me with joys of mysteries untried
And terror that was more than half delight,
And sense of budding life, and longings inf


mite.


And l remember how, in life's hot noon,
Around my path the lavish roses shed
Color and fragrance, and the air of June
Breathed rapture-now those summer days


are fed


Days of sweet peril, when the serpent lay
Lurking at every turn of life's enchanted way
The light of spring, the summer glow, are o er,
And rejoice in knowing that for me
The woodbne and the roses bloom no more,
The tender green is gone from field and tree
Brown barren sprays stand clear against the


blue;


And leaves fall fast, and let the truthful sum


light through.


For me the hooded herbs of autumn grow.
Square stemmed and sober; mint and sage
Horehound and balm-such plants as healers
Auu Iue Oecliue OF lie IOnS pilgrimage
Is soft and sweet with marjoram and thyme;
Bright with pure evening dew, not serpent's


ghttering slime.
And around my path the aromatic air
Breathes health and perfume, and the turfy


ground


Is solt for weary feet and smooth and fair
With little thornless blossoms that abound
In safe dry places, where the mountain side
Lies to the setting sun, and no i'll beast can


hide


What is there to regret? Why should !
To leave the forest and the marsh behind,
Or toward the rank, low meadows sadly turn?
Since here another loveliness l find,
Safer and not less beautiful-and blest
With glimpses, faint and far, of the long


wished for rest.
And so drop the roses from my hand,
And let the thorn pricks heal, and take my


way


Down hill, across a fair and peaceful land
Lapt in the golden calm OF dying day,
Glad that the night is near, and glad to know
That, rough or smooth the way, hare not far


to 40.
Year: 1870

A good Methodist minister who lived on a
very small salary, was greatly troubled at one
time to get his quarterly installment. He had
called number of times but each time he had
been put off with some excuse. At length he
went to his steward and told him he must have
his money, for his family was suffering for the
necessaries OF life Money!" replied the
steward, 'syou preach for money, l thought you
preached for the good of souls!' 'Souls |" re-
piled the minister, II can t eat souls, and if
could, it would take thousand such souls as
yours to make decent meal."
Year: 1870

QUESTION What are these sweet scented,
little caued young men, with hair parted in the
middle, good for?' Answer. Good for the place
where they are generally used, to stand up
around church doors and street corners and cape
at those who are trying to go somewhere. or do
or be something. Every time see one of these
soft attempts at humanity, | feel an almost ir-
resistible impulse to clap band-box cover
down over the tender thing and set it out of
the reach of frost to harden
Year: 1870

At the opening of breach of promise case
in Kentucky, the Court asked the counsel for
the plaintiff how long the trial would probably
last. II can't say exactly replied the coun-
sci, but will mention as one item that | have
three hundred and eighty-four love-letters,
written by the defendant to my client to read.
Year: 1870

against monopolies, impossible for genera
ton to Gomez


II is not our fault that The Post has not
learned long since the true intention and pur-
pose Of its Democratic allies. They attack the
Tariff, caring nothing about the economic
questions involved simply to make the pay
ment Of the debt impossible. There IS no
genuine and enduring combination which can
be made between the British merchants OF
Now-York and the Ku-Klux politicians OF the
South West. They may sometimes dritt to-
gether in the easy immortality of election day,
but they will have difficulty in keeping step
in the serious work of legislation. The organ
ization, the process Of work, the purpose OF
the Free Trade League, are all purely aristo-
cratic. They are pledged TO the defense Of
powerful vested interests of capital. The ex-
Rebels who send to Congress men of Mr.. Con-
nol,s caiber, are actuatcd merely by blind
hate of the Government and hope, derived
from the speeches of dcmagOgues of freeing
themselves from the burdens OF citizenship by
tho aid of their political allies in the North.
The superfne gentlemen who make The Post
their mouthpieCe must not be too particular
about the conduct Of their rural followers.
You must fight on their terms, or give up the
contest,
Year: 1870

TO be clerks and book-keepers-at least twice
as many IA can ever find steady employment
in those pursuits; but the men who dig our
cellars, lay our brick, do our carpenter work,
finish aud furnish our houses, were nearly all
born in Europe, and are regularly recruited
from that Continent Ii seems to us that fewer
Americans hy birth are working MS mechanics
in our City than there were twenty or thirty
years agc and that far fewer Of our boys are
serving an apprenticeship.


But tho gravest aspect of our social condi-
ton is the multiplicity and rapid increase of
youth who have no regular pursuit. or, NJ
least, follow none. They hang about grogshops
and billard-rooms, drinking and smoking, and
ayoWing their purpose TO become politicians
Some of them have been set to work at trades,
hut have thrown down the trowel, the odze,
tho iack-plane, and deliberately addicted
themselves for life to what they consider poll
ties They are always ready for horse-race,
game of ball, target excursion; but
they do not average an honest days work
each per month. OF course, they are always
needy. and enyous of those who are not and
they seldom achieve new suit OF clothes
save on the eve of a contested election. In
short, they are bad lot of loafers


Though they expect to live ont of the pub
lie, not one of these fellows ever suspected
that il might be necessary for him To seem
honest, moral, and decent in order to succeed
in his chosen career. On the contrary, they
are universally libertines, gamblers and tip
piers, or only fail TO be for lack of means.
They glory in target excursions; they swell
Democratic professions they begin to vote at
sixteen or seventeen years of age, and are
veteran ropcaters by the time they are twenty.
If there be any vice with which one of them
is not already familiar, be sure that he is intent
on its carly requirement 1t was from such a
crew that Catiline mustered the forces with
which he advanced to sack and deyaState
Rome.


What shall be done to transform these young
reprobates into honest, virtuous, useful, re-
spected ctizens7 What must be our future if
our future Tweeds are to be backed by thrice
the number of these embryo ruiians that
aillicts us to-day
Year: 1870

The Free Trade combination has lost all
cohesion. The third party movement was seen
TO he hopeless before it was organized, and
the scheme of Revenue Reform was adopted
In its place. The Reformers were to take pos
session of the House of Representatives, and
the perverted Republicans, joining the solid
mass of the Democrats were to have every
thing their own way. But when a movement
Is set on foot, whose very spirit and basis is
demagogical, there is no predicting where it
Will end. The Free Trade agitation is founded
III belief of the ignorance of the masses. The
spcclous cry of monopoly dcceives no one who
examines the question for himself The de-
luslvc promise OF cheaper goods is only nd
dressed to those who are too ill-informed TO
understand the cause and cure of their poverty.
mere ls n Democratic Congressman from
Texas who has taken the Free Trade declama-
tons seriously. He is ignorant enough to
show the blind prejudice and hopes of the
people who have elected him. He thinks that
national prosperity would come from IN
abolition Of the Tariff. Mr.. C0nnor-this can


ld Tree Trader-On Tuesday introduced a
Dlll repeating the tax on tea, sugar, and coffee


Inc clndhke innocence of the measure was
not appreciated by the leaders of the party


who do not believe in carrying out their own
principles where only the laboring classes are
to be benefited by it. The great English
shipping interests would gain nothing by this
enlTanchlsement sf the farmers breakfast
table. SO Mr.. Connor got nothing but black
looks from most of his colleagues, and The
EreniHg Post of this city feels moved to ad-
minister severe correction to the logical Texan
and his sympathizers, "A great part Of the
Democrats, who falsely call themselves Free


Traders and Revenue Reformers, appear to bo
In favor of this scheme, which would simply
make iany honest revision of our Revenue
Laws u the interest of the people and
Year: 1870

The amended Postal statute introduced in


the House by the Post-0Gice Committee was


yesterday discussed, but not as fully nor as
seriously as the proposed changes seem to de-


mand. But the House has not yet settled tC
its work. There are several important meas
urcs embodied in the new bill which ought to


be adopted. In the first place, the revision of


the Postal laws is very necessary, for, if not


positively conflicting, they are decidedly con-


fusing. The penalty for sending circulars


concerning lotteries and kindred swindling
schemes through the mails ought to be made


very heavy, and the definition Of the Offense


broad and sweeping. The postage cards
which it is proposed to use will probably be
misappliCd by the idle and vulgar, as
Mr. Garfield suggested, but so may the
sealed letters now in use. The practical value
of the cards has been proved abroad, and their
utility ought to be tried by us. The amend
ment Of Mr.. FarnswOrth abOlishing the Frank
ing Privilege is but a halfway measure and
the friends of repeal ought not to be satisfied
with it. 1t substitutes money allowance to
Members of Congress and stamping
to the Departments, in lieu of the old much
abused frank. This will not directly result in
any great saving of money to the country, and
viii not have that effect which is to be hoped
from the total abolition of the privilege of
reducing the heavy expenses for printing use
less documents and tedious speeches. Besides,
the House has already committed itself on
this question by voting to abolish the prvi-
lege. Let it abide by that misunderstanding
on the good, wholesome rule that every man,
high or low, who uses the mails shall pay for
what he uses.
Year: 1870

The Scientific American calls attention to
some striking deficiencies in the makeup Of
our City. 1t says:


There perhaps large city In the civilized part OF
the world IN which such utter scientific dcsttuton pre-
vas as IN New-York However much the citizens may
hunger and thirst after scientific knowledge we have no
public place in the City where their wants can be sup
piled. There Is no museum Of natural history no coec
tlon Of mineralosy and geology, no accumulation OF
models Of machinery no geological garden no technolo
gieal collection for the free use Of the people,"


True as the above is, it seems to us less
remarkable and far less deplorabe than a
kindred deficiency. Our boys for the most
pant, are not learning trades, nor qualifying
themselves for any practical, productive career.
We believe more of our youth are tending
bars and biliard-rooms than are learning
mechanical trades Quite number are trying
Year: 1870

When Mayor Halls chivalry has the effect Of
lcaguinG linn with an offensive nuisance, it is
even less endurablc than when it moved him
to give lis a Police Commissioner whose an
cillaTy qualities were far better than was
claimed or admitted. The letter Of the Mayor
in behalf of the Rendering Company, read
yesterday to the Board of Health, makes him
the active ally of that corporation, as it is in
effect command to the Board to give the de-
manded permit to reGStabSh rendering at the
foot of West Thirty-eighth-st. We do not say
that the work could not be carried on without
dctrimcnt to the public health during the
Winter months, but the Mayors hint that the
Company must be permitted to render or they
will not fulfill their contract by removing the
oilal, is a complete surrender of the rights of
the City in the matter and we are glad
the Board took time to consider before acting
upon it.
Year: 1870

The Republicans of our City are called to
meet in their several Assembly Districts on
Friday tomorrow evening to choose dele
gates to a new General Committee. We beg
leave, in the interest of harmony and efficiency,
to urge them to elect as delegate no person tcho
holds any Office or Government position ,chaterer.
If we were to recommend that only those who
hold Municipal posts should be left out, we
might seem invidious, but to exclude all
Office holders surely cannot be. We appeal to
the patriotism, the good sense and right feel
ing, of the Ofice-bolders themselves, whether
Custom House." "POlice," or other in sup
port of this recommendation. Let us have one
General Committee that does not smell of
Office holding, and see if this will not assure
us unusual harmony. "Let us have peace"
Year: 1870

THE FISHERIES DISPUTE 1t is ascertained
on the best authority that the yexcd question
between the United States and Canada rela-
tive to the fisheries will be settled at an early
day to the entire satisfaction of American
fishermen. There is no desire upon the part
of the Canadian authorities to make trouble
about the matter, or take undue advantage of
existing treaties. At least, this is the way
Canadian officials represent the matter to the
State Department. 1t is understood that as
soon as the new Minister to England reaches
London this will be among the first questions
to receive his attention. The President would
have had it settled this Fall but for the fact
that Mr. Motley will not remain long enough
to complete the negotiations, and it was
thought best to allow things to remain as
they are until a Minister is sent to England
who is likely to remain long enough to finish
the NEGOTIATIONS. 1t is safe to say, however,
that there will be no serious trouble about
the matter, notwithstanding the somewhat
bellieerent attitude of Gen. Butler in his
speech the other day before his fishermen
friends in Massachusetts. Washington Cor
respondent Boston Post.
Year: 1870

a Case OF Spinal Disease Cured.
DEAR MADAM When you We're in this place last
summer called you to examine my case, which
spinal disease had not used my limbs to stand them
for three years. l have consulted eight ten Physic
ans; none of them done any good; but still grew
worse but by your skill am now happy woman, as
have full power and strength Of my limbs. must say
the afflicted go and consult Mrs Manchester and give
her a fair trial, and you will be well paid.


Very truly yours,


JANE +. HALL,


Me-
Year: 1870

spikes of the pines upon his clothes in
dicated that he had slept in the woods


But Bessie did not hesitate. She laid
aside her work and went to get water
When she came back the man had en-
tered the room. She did not like this,
for she was sure he had come in by the
window; but she handed him the tin dip
per without remark. The man drank, and
then sat the dipper down upon the table,
Then he turned upon the girl, and drew
long-bladed knife from his pocket


Look ye, my young lady, he said,
l know there is money in this house,
and know that you are alone. Show
me where the money is. If you don't,
shall kill you and then hunt it up my
SELF I'm in earnest, and there amt no
time to waste. Don't make fuss, for if
you do you'll feel this knife quick."


Bessie shrank back, and looked into
the mans face, and she could see that
he meant just what he had said.


If Ishow you where the money is, will
you promise not to do me harm?


Show me, honest, and / won't harm
you" hoI e54 ID Hsaags


Then come with me- But you will
take only the money-you won't take
my fathers papersY"


Only the money, girl.


Bessie led the way to small bedroom
on the ground floor, where there was an
old mahogany bureau, the upper drawer of
which she unlocked. The man, when he
saw this, thinking, doubtless, that Craw-
fords gold was within his grasp, shut up
his knife and put itinto his pocket. The
girl opened the drawer, and, quick as
thought, drew forth large navy revol-
ver-one with which she herself had
killed trapped bear-and cooked it.


Villain she exclaimed, planting her
back against the wall, and aiming the
weapon at his bosom, many wild beast
have shot with this good pistol; and
I'll now shoot you if you do not instantly
leave this house! / will give you not
even second Start, or fire


The ruffian could read human looks as
well as could the maiden, and he could
read very plainly in the 6rm-setl lips and in
the flashing eyes-but more clearly in the
steady hand which held the pistol-that
she would not only fire, as she had prom
ised, but her aim would be sure and
fatal one.


And he backed out from the bedroom
backed into the sitting-room-then
leaped from the open window and dis
appeared.


Bessie kept her pistol by her side until
her father and his guests came home;
and when she had told her story search
was made for the raiiian. But he was not
found. Our heroine had so thoroughly
frightened him that he never came that
way again.
Year: 1870

THKCHARGEs AGAINST GOVERNOR BULLOCK,
OF GEoRGIA.-The majority Of the Georgia Leg.
islative committee on the investigation of the
charges against Governor Bullock conclude
their report as follows :-"Having gone thor
oughly through the investigation Of the direct
and indirect charges against the Governor, your
committee feel that it is due to his exceilency
for us to state that nothing has been disclosed or
established which tends In any manner to i'm
pugn his motives or his personal and official
integrity, and we invite attention to the evidence
to sustain us in this opinion"


The minority say It is just to say that in the
instances OF transcending the law hereinbefore
discussed, the evidence fails to show that the
Governor has been pecuniarily benefited.