smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1871

new carpet LOT the Wnlbe HOUSE,
A Washington city correspondent fur
nishes the following to the New York
Herald of Tuesday in relation to the
new carpet for Ulysses:


The Sultan of Turkey, learning that it
was the policy of the present administra-
| ton of this government to economize as
much as possible in the expenditure of
the public funds, and that the east parlor
of the Executive Mansion needed a new
carpet to adorn the floor of the princi-
pal reception room of the Presidents s
house, signifed his willingness, about a
year since, to present to the United
States suitable covering for the floor
of the East Room. The measure of the
apartment was taken with great care, as
it was given out that looms would have
to be made expressly for the weaving of
this extraordinary gift. The President
arrived to-day, and the old Administer
that has served to deaden the sound of
the feet Of the thousands of guests who
have trampled upon it during the past
six years, was taken up in hurry and
pitched unceremoniously out Of the east
window of the parlor into the grounds
surrounding the residence Of the Presi-
dent. The Sultan's gift was then
borne into the apartment, unrolled and
instead of beautiful design, as was ex-
pected, yellow, red and white striped
carpet, with vine work, not unlike the
crude designs discovered on ancient
Egyptian ware, or, perhaps more strictly
speaking, the fantastic drawing of am
bitious urchins, was found to relieve the
monotonous tapestry fabricated by one
Hadji Hail Efendi Elradji Zade, of Con-
stantinople. The carpet is badly sewed
together, matched in dozen places, and
when stretched and nailed down, will
present to the eye innumerable serpent
Inc lines, utterly dis6guring the hitherto
agreeable appearance of the apartment.
The colors are too heavy and the design
altogether too common for the adorn-
ment of the principal parlor of the kx-
ecutive mansion; but as it cost the Gov
ernment nothing, and as it would be dis
respectful to our friends in the neighbor
hood Of the Golden Horn not to accept it,
the Sultan's present will doubtless con-
tinue to disfgure the Executive mansion.
If it serves no better purpose it will at
least serve TO show how much the people
of Turkey need the artistic taste Of
American artisans in working up their
expensive material.
Year: 1871

AANh wv ApAAoA @Abofl


One of the social needs Of our day is
a rational way of spending an evening.
Of course, one can go to the church, OF
to the theater, or to concert, or to a
club. Or, on the other hand, he may
stay at home, which, generally, if he has
home, is better than all But suppose
he wants social company dozen, or
twenty, or fifty friends at his parlor, what
shall he do with them when he gets them
there2 They usually come elegantly
dressed-the ladies in silk or satin, with
flowers in their hair and jewels at their
breasts-the gentlemen in genteel
broadcloth, white kids, and prelatical
cravats. After arriving, they receive
the hand-shake of the host and hostess,
pass few observations on the existing
condition of the external atmosphere,
glide up and down through the mid-par-
lor splendors, defect occasionally into
the corners and passages, elbow one an
other with graciously begged and granted
pardons, talk few minutes TO one and
few minutes to another, sip glass OF
lemonade, nibble at frosted pound
cake, spill few drops of coffee on an
unrestricted skirt, waltz a little, fan
much, and at proper lateness of hour
retire, leaving whisper to the effect of
having greatly enjoyed an evening which
really had nothing enjoyable, and which
was on the contrary superb and costly
bore.


A few nights ago we were at an even
ing company whose host and hostess
changed all this. They substituted
rational entertainment for irrational
twaddle. Instead of decorating the
evening with garden of wall flowers,
they made the occasion spangle and
glitter with an intellectual lustre. In
stead of frivolous parliament Of small
talk, the guests were made either to say,
or listen to, something worthy of human
tongues and ears, minds and hearts.
There were songs by good singers, and
recitations by good readers. Eight or
nine different persons in the company
had some gem to add to the general
crown. There was no hesitation, no
backwardness, no chill, no awful parlor-
propriety. 1t was one of the most sue
cessful of nights. And yet it did not
take anything very great to make it so.
Il was voted by all present to be one of
the most interesting evenings of the
season, and we went away from it carry
ing in our mind the memory Of its sim
pie plan and programme as furnishing a
model for thousand other households.


Our best society is usually a dreadful
bore. 1t lacks intellect. Sensible peo-
pie get tired at an evening party sooner
than at any kind of emptiness. Every
well-regulated family ought to be a
little theater and coneertroom 10 itself.
Let us teach our sons and daughters to
sing, read, recite and declaim. And af-
ter little discipline they will make the
evening the brightest part Of the day.
Year: 1871

IF only had capita" " we heard a
young man say few days ago as he
puffed away at a ten cent cigar, Il would
do something"


"If 1 only had capital, said another,
as he walked away from a dram-shop,
where he had just paid ten cents for a
drink, / would go into business.


The same remark might have been
heard from the young man loafng on
the street corner.


Young man with the cigar, you are
smoking away your capital. You from
the dram shop are drinking up yours
and destroying your body at the same
time; and you on the street corner are
wasting yours in idleness and forming
bad habits. Dimes make dollars. Time
is money. Don't wait for fortune to
begin with. If you had ten thousand
dollars a year and spentitall, you would
be poor still. Our men of power and in
fluence did not start with fortunes. You.
too, can make your mark if you will.
But you must stop spending your money
for what you don't need, and squander-
ing your time in idleness.
Year: 1871

Darling, wonder If you know.
That it is just one year ago,


(The sweetest year in all my life,)
Since became your happy wife.
Your own beloved and loving wife!
The music of the singing bird


With new and strange delight heard;
Oh, sweeter far it was to me
Because my heart was full of thee,
OF tender, loving thoughts of thee.
The roses and the lilies fair,


Shed their sweet perfume on the air;
But ne er in field nor woodland bowers.
Grew half such bright and fragrant flowers
AS bloomed within these hearts Of ours
There's naught in earth nor heaven above,
That's half so sweet and fair as Lovel
To us, what treasure could there be
Like my pure, tender love for thee.
And thine, my dearest one, for meY
And heart in heart, and hand in hand.
Well Journey to the Promised Land;
And in that world Of love divine.
How sweet to know I'll still be thine,
Thine own, beloved, as thou art minel
Year: 1871

Under the above head Good Heath
sets down the following: To think
the more man eats the fatter and
stronger he will become. To believe
that the more hours children study the
ifexercise Is good, the more violentiit is
the more Is done. To imagine that
every hour taken from sleep Is an hour
gained. To act on the presumption
that the smallest room in the house Is
large enough to sleep in. To argue
feel Immediately better is good for the
system withoutan appetite, or to con-
tinue to eat after it has been satishe d /,
merely to crafty the taste. To eat q
hearty supper for the pleasure exper-
fenced during the brief time it is pass
ing down the throat, at the expense of
a whole night of disturbed sleep, and
a night Of weary walking in the NOR
ming.
Year: 1871

A clergyman comes in to see me q
dozen times year about his bilious
ness. Biliousness is a malady. / know
a great many people who are bilious.
They had no dyspepsia; they never
had a symptom Of dyspepsia In their
lives they are only bilious. Now. this
word biliousness Is sort OF respecta.
BILE cover for piggishness.e- People are
not bilious who eat what they should
eat. Reader, are you bilious? (Rather
a hard question after the above hard
word) Let me prescribe for you If you
follow my Prescription, and don't get
well, write me, and in the next edition
i will announce my errsr.


First, on getting up and on going to
bed, drink plenty Of cold water. Eat
for breakfast, until the bilious attack
passes, little stale bread, say one slice,
and piece as large as your hand OF
boiled lean beef or mutton. II the
weather is warm, take instead of lit
tie cracked wheat or oatmeal porridge.
For dinner take about the same thing.
Go without your supper. Exercise
freely in the open air, producing pers.
piration, once or twice day. In a
few days your biliousness Is all gone.
This result will come, even though the
biliousness is one of the Spring sort and
one with which you have, from year tc
year, been much afflicted. Herb drinks


bitter drinks, lager beer, ale, whisky
and dozen other Spring Medicines,
are simply barbarous.-[ Dio Leacis.
Year: 1871




WHO Is IT?-He is not Noah, nor
Noah's son, nor Levite, nor John the
Baptist, nor yet the wandering Jew, for
he was with Noah in the ark; the Scrip
lures make mention of him particular
that we may believe that he is no i'm
poster. He knows no parent, he never
lay upon his mothers breast, his beard
is such as no man ever wore; he goes
barefooted and barelegged, like a grave
old friar. He wears no hat in summer
or winter, but often appears with a
crown on his head. His coat is neither
knit or spun, nor hair, silk, linen or
woolen, bark or sheepskin, yet it
abounds with variety of colOrs and
fits close to the skin. He is wonderful
ly temperate; he never drinks anything
but cold water; he would rather take
his dinner in farmers barn than in a
kings palace. He is very watchful; he
sleeps not in bed but sits in a singular
kind of chair, with his clothes on. He
was alive at the crucifixion. Nearly all
the world hear him. He once preached
a short sermon, which convinced man
of sin and caused him to weep bitterly.
He never was married, yet he has ia
vorites whom he loves dearly, for if he
has but one morsel of meat he divides
it among them. Though he never
rides on horseback, he is in some re-
spects equipped as horsemen are. He
is an advocate of early rising, though
he never retires to bed. His prophe-
cies are so true that the moment you
hear his voice you may know what is
approaching.


Now, who is this prophet, and what
did he fortell
Year: 1871

On OF EGGs.-An oil Is in use in
South Russia which has the merit of
simplicity, being made OF the yolks Of
hens eggs, which are first boiled hard
and the yolks: removed, cooked, and
placed over the fire. Here they are
carefully stirred until the whole SUBJ
stance Is on the point of catching fire,
when the oil separates and may be
poured Of The yolk will yield nearly
two teaspoonfuls of oil. With all our
enormous consumption Of eggs It Is ex-
traordinary how little we know about
them, and of the manifold uses to
which they may be put.
Year: 1871

A man went to Mr.. Greedy, the 9TH
er day and told him he was destitute,
ed to know what to do. Horscescratch-
ed his head and thought minute, and
then said: "I III tell you what to do.
You buy ten-cylinder Hoe press and
go out to some station on the Pacific
Railroad, away from civilization, and
start an eight-page morning paper and
grow up with the country,
Year: 1871




Here is an argument for the Nation,
which opposes woman suffrage upon
the ground that the introduction of the
element of sex into politics would in
sensibly but inevitably. derange the
conduct of the public service:


can English commander found his
steamer some thirty miles out of her
course. He was sorely troubled, and
could not account for the local attrac.
ton that had sent him so far out of the
way. Instruments and calculations
appeared equally faultless. Sorely
troubled from having passed a sleep
less, watchful night, the captain went
ON deck after breakfast. Seeing lady
sitting Gas was her custom) and work
ing near the pinnacle, it occurred to
him that probably the scissors were
resting on the ledge of it. Detecting
nothing of the sort, and bent on closer
investigations, he discovered that the
chair had an iron frame. 1t also rea.
sonably flashed across him that the
lady's ample crinoline was extended
by steel hoops. So mastering all his
faculties he exclaimed with as much
forgiveness and as little reproach in his
eye as possible, Madam, you have, by
your local attraction, drawn my ship
some thirty miles from her course.


Such being the magnetic influence o.
woman, it is perhaps well to consider
how far her presence near the helm
would cause the Ship Of State to defect
from its proper course. Very truly
did Byron speak when he called q
lady's skirt .., t-.. .--. ....-.. 49,
IA garment Of a mystical sublimity,
No matter whether russett, silk or dlmity.'


1t is true that Midshipman Easy once
sailed a cruise with petticoat hoisted
at the main; but he was fellow who
was everlastingly getting iato scrapes
We have merely skirted the subject
but there is evidently something in it
Il Exchange. -z- 80 ...-.. q ..--
Year: 1871

A young lad in Indiana was frozen
to death while out sleigh-riding with q
young man. A man who can't keep a
woman from freezing when he has her
in asleigh all alone to himself should be
punished to the full extent Of the law.
Year: 1871

A gentleman in Illinois writes
the following to the Scientific Amer
ican


My observation has led ME tc
believe that sleep walking is q
habit of the system. l have no
ticed that children who are allowed
to go to sleep on the floor or lounge
In the evening, and afterward, al
some regular hour, are aroused (of
course only partially awakened)
and sent to bed, will in time &C.
quire the habit of sleep walking
| have no doubt that the man
mentioned in the Scientific Amer
ioan of July 22d, who would get
up and go to the cellar in the
night for a drink of wine while a
sleep, had been in the habit Of
fist going for it in the night time
while awake. / presume but that
few Lave failed to notice how soon
the mind, by dreams, will Iecog-
nj e a habit of walking at par
ticular hour for any purpose. |
think that the whole philosophy
of sleep walking has its fOunda-
ton in habit, acquired by disturb
ance at some regular hour devoted
to sleep. 9 81
Year: 1871

Two burglars in Cincinnati
concluded to make a descent on
the residence of gentleman
in that city one nightIast week,
but were ignorant of the fact
that the gentleman had ON his
premises a very remote ances-
tor in the shape of a monkey.
On this particular night Mr..
Monkey, finding it too hot to
rest comfortably, had left his
troubled couch, and was perch
ed upon a sill of an opened win
dow in thesecondstory. There
he sat, enjoying the glorious
moonlight and ruminating up
on the happy days of long ago,
when he sported among the
rich verdure Of Brazilian for
ests, partook Of the luscious
tropical fruits, or pestered some
poor poll parrot by peppering
her with pecans. The appear
ance of burglars awoke him from
his reverie. With eager cuirios-
ity he watched them in their at
tack upon the house, and when
they had pentrated as far as the
kitchen he could stand it no
longer but gave a tremendous
screech, followed by a pro-
longed ch-r-r-r-r-r-r which cur
died the blood in their VEINS
They evidently fancied that a
whole regiment of police were
them, and turned and fled in
wild dismay, followed and
spurred on as they ran by shouts
of laughter from the undeyel-
oped specimen Of humanity up
on the window sill.
Year: 1871

A Kentucky papers affects
doubt as to whether the next Ma
tional Democratic Convention.
which will assemble next spring,
will endorse what they call the
"New Departure" doctrine
The fact is, a sufficient number
of States have already endorsed
it, to render the result of the
National Convention a certainty
on this point. The convention
will be composed of 317 dele
gates from the different States,
and 159 being a majority, will
control its action. The follow
ing States have already, through
their regular State Conventions
or otherwise, spoken, and are
irrevocably committed to the
view in the next years cam
OaioD.
Year: 1871

From the Terre Haute (IndD Gazette.
Night before last at an earl
hour, a young man and woman


whose names we are requested no
: to mention in this connection, fo


the reason that they shrink from


publicity from native and acquired


modesty, were returning from ar


evenings ramble below the tragic


shades of Strawberry Hill. They


were locked arm in arm, and ar


dently INDUCED in billing anc
cooling, said to be incident to young
lovers evening rambles, whici
demonstrations were suddenly ter


minated by observing some men
who we're separating cow and
calf, preparatory to milking the
former, when the enraged COW
broke away and made directly for
the festive lovers, the men mean
while hallowing for them 10 stand
from under, or words to that effect.


The manner in which that agile
female took a striding position on
the fence near by would astonish
any acrobat attache of the New
York circus. Not so with our gal
liant hero, however, who. i'll his
anxiety for the safety of his fair
charge, neglected his own safety,
and in a twinkling the old COW,
now almost wild, bore down upon
him, her horns tossed him about
at lively rate, he holding her he
roicly by the horns, and thus pre-
venting her from goring him. The
frantic female still artistically
astride of the fence, outrivaled an
American panther, screaming for
her festive and endangered ADO
mis- to come to her side and sit
with her on the fence out of dam
ger, not realizing that he would be
very happy to be by her side could
he but get there.


Our hero finally succeeded in
disengaging himself from his per-
ilous position, and with one won
derful "leap for life,' he entered
the space of about Is feet which
intervened between the two pla-
ces-one SO precious and the 9TH
.er SO dangerous TO him. The
men coming up at this time Sc
cured the frantic cow, our hero
and heroine alighted from their
roost and tremblingly though
thankfully plodded their way
homeward, shying from every ami
mate and even many inanimate
things for fear Of another attack.
The gentleman was not so much
injured from his bovine expert
ence as he was frightened, though
he considers it truly wonderful
how he escaped with his life, for
which he is thankful, as he well
might be. The festive couple
have not walked past Strawberry
Hill since.
Year: 1871

] We sometimes hear men "maLine
| fun by making remarks about


US while passing along the streets


''There goes the Temper ance Edi


tor. Lock how sober he looks


| wish | was him." sc, sc, they


say. s..65 si.I


To such we would say that we
look upon you as we would look


at barking "dorg !" in fact, we
would hardly spend our time and
breath by saying ''begone." You
don't amount to anything-there
is no danger of you doing US harm
you are humbug gotten up
for the purpose OF helping out the
whisky men, but you do them
more harm than good.


But leaving all jokes aside,
who has the best side for seeing
fun, you or us? Which looks the
funniest, we walking down the
street sober or you staggering a.
long drunk T? Now, acknowledge
the corn;" we don't mean the "corn
whisky" for we know you can
beat us We mean to ask you to
come up like men and say that
our point of observation is the
place to see the fun. Poor fel-
lows We are sorry for you. You
are in a sad condition /; you
do have so much fun at our ex-
pense.
Year: 1871

Young man, you are now shay-


ing your future fortune. Each
year that you leave behind has
helped to make you a great and
good man, OF a worthless vega
bond in your life to come. Each
hour that you now see has its pow
er of shaping your way of living
in the great hereafter. Ah, it
reaches with its influence to the
boundless eternity. Then be
careful you have all that is worth
having In your hand at the pres
9nt time. The formation of one bad
habit may be your everlasting
ruin. Man is a being of habits,
he eats, be drinks, he sleeps, be
walks, he talks, he laughs, he
cries, all by habit Everything he
does, habit has something to do
with it. We repeat, then, be care
ful in what you do, Keep good
company above all things. Do
not visit place that you would
be ashamed to be caught at; let
your action be such that you could
stand before the best preacher in
the world without sign Of shame
And, my dear friend, for Gods
sake, don't let one drink of intox-
icating liquor pass your now inno-
cent lips, for that...is habit that
will bring every other bad habit
in existence upon you.
Year: 1871

As illustrative of the charac-
ter of men who come from the
South of Europe, a New Orleans
paper notes the fact of a man be-
ing brought to the police station
severely wounded by a cut with a
knife, who refused to tell anything
about it. He pretended not 70
know who cut him, and scarcely
knew his name. While lying at
the station man visited him and
nursed him with care. This
stranger actually sucked the blood
from the wound with his mouth,
and when asked his name answered,
with a shrug of his shoulders, say
ing he did not know the wounded
man, never saw him before, yet
subsequent events established the
fact that be was the very man
that had inflicted the wound.
Year: 1871

A young couple in Connecticut
became acquainted on the 4th of


July, were married on the 9Th,
and a few days ago the husband
published an advertisement warn
ing all persons not to trust his
vile on his account. A
Year: 1871

A fond African mother in Live
Oak, Fla, soothed her babe to
sleep the other day with a dose of
laudanum. Owing to the want
of practice on the part of the col
ored female as a prescription clerk,
the child will never know what
trouble Is.
Year: 1871

Down in a Pennsylvania town
the other day some unscrupu-
lous fellows who had been out
cunning, compelled a poor itin-
Grant italian imnge-peddler TO
stand inthe road until they had
shot every one of his images
from his head, to the imminent
danger of himself and the ut
ter destruction of his wares
And then they would not pay
the poor man a penny for the
damage done.
Year: 1871

| Skating Rink. = The most enlivening
sight we ever saw in Richmond was at the
skating rink Saturday night We did NOT
expect to see so large crowd, and great was
our surprise when, on entering, we saw so


many of our most fashionable ladies and cen.
temen skating. The ladies tell us 1t is the
most fashionable place to go to in Richmond,


The fancy dress carnival on skates, which is
to como off February l4th, is to be a grand
affair. All who skate that night will be
required to appear in some kind Of costume
pairing for it, and from some of the characters
we hear of it will be worth going one hundred
miles to see. We expect to see not less than
l,60o people there that night; and we would
remark here that the building is so well put
up under the flooring that 5000 people might
be packed in it and the floor would not give
way.
Year: 1871

MISUNDERSTANDING is like silk
purse--most agreeable to bear when there
is plenty Of money in it. Marriage is like
a mouse-trap get in and you are
caught, without the least prospect ofrecov-
ering your liberty. Marriage is like a
''rose tree in full bearing"--how attractive
are its flowers but the bright leaves fall
after a season, and the ;horns alone remain.
Marriage among fools is like boiled calls
head without the accompaniment of brains.
Marriage is like a roast leg of mutton on
Sunday-served up cold on Monday
ditto with pickles on Tuesday ay--and hashed
up on Wednesday. Marriage is the sun
shine of life--beneath its genial influence
spring up the best Affections and the noblest
virtues of man, which in the sterlity of
selfish ceibacy would have lain dormant
and useless 1t is the source of virtuous
pleasure in youth, the balm and solace of
old age.
Year: 1871

The young folks of skating proclivities
are just now full of thoughts of the carnival
en- costume at the rink, which is to come off on
the night of st. Valentines day. From all we
hear, the rink will be well populated that
pioht