smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

Two OF our physicians were called
Yesterday to give relief to man on
Michigan street in whose throat q
fish bone had become lodged. The
bone was well out OF sight. and the
job Of removing it seemed to be one
difficult of performance. What was
the surprise then, of those physicians,
when their patient, frightened at the
sight OF the instruments made ready
for the operation. threw open his
mouth and inserting a hand by no
means dainty in size nearly to the
wrist, brought up the troublesome
fish bone between the ends OF two OF
his fingersl They consoled them
selves fer the loss OF their fee by the
reflection that they had gained new
lesson in surgery.-Sossth Bend T1i
bszsse.
Year: 1876

Senator Morton's resolution for the
investigation OF the last Mississippi
State election passed the Senate yes
terday afternoon by vote OF ayes %,
noes 19 Thus Senator Morton has
achieved another victory despite the
most bitter opposition of Democratic
Senators and newspapers. and the
sneers and SCOTS OF the independent
press" and political Miss Nancies.
There has been little attempt to deny
the outrages upon the freedom OF ell
ection in Mississippi. Indeed they
have rather been confessed and
gloried in; but somehow or other the
right of freedom of election has come
to be regarded as OF little Importance
by certain class. and the persistent
effort OF Senator Morton to expose
the organized intimidation practiced
upon voters in Mississippi has been
secuted at and ridicnIed to the fullest
bent of feeble wit. When the Senate
committee get to work, the testimony
will reveal plan to control elections
in all the Southern States during this
year that will rouse the people every
where with alarm at the dangerous
conspiracy which the Southern
"White-line" Democracy has engaged
in for the election of a Democratic
President and the capture of the
National Observation-Disclosures
lis Journal.
Year: 1876

Put not your trust in money, hut
put your money in trust.


The minister who divides his dis
course into too many heads will find
it difficult to procure attentive ears
for them all.


"A farmer" advises strangers who
wish to get teeth inserted gratis TO go
and steal his fruit when they win find
his dog on guard


A child weighing two pounds was
born in Lansing, Mich. four months
ago. and Obliged his nurse to feed him
by hand for the reason that his mouth
was too diminutive TO obtain food
from the maternal fount. He II pros-
pering admirably, and now pulls down
the scales till they mark segon poon1s
Year: 1876




We have seen man get up after a
mulc had kicked him very rarely.
thought and swear with both hands
upliited that he didn't believe the ami
NAL had stirred peg-he looked SO
immovable and uncOncerned.
A mule is a very quick" animal.
Great quantities of this substance
lie hidden away beneath his toe-calks.
Caution: Take our word for this
and don't go hunting around in that
vicinity.


You can't weigh a mule with any
degree of accuracy.
A single ounce of mule weighs more
than pound of any other live animal.
. And no matter what his condition
may be, a mule is bound to kick the
beam.


The only beam mule cannot kick
is sunbeam.


But he can knock the beam out of a
mans eye with greater alacrity than
any other influence.


In this respect he is a regular motor
power.


As "A great explorer, the mule is the
equal of Stanley.


When he explores foV man he al
ways finds him.


The safest place to stand by a mule
do not exist.


He is the dynamite fiend of the four
legged kingdom.


We have lOften wished that some
"bunko" man would try to " rope in
a mule.


He would never be worth a row.
again.


The mule is very headstrong ami
NAL.


He is likewise exceedingly heel
strong.


The mule-but blame a mule, any.
wayl


"'Tis false" as the girl said when her
lover told her she had beautiful hair.
Those persons who decide instant
ly make about one hit in four hun
dred.
Year: 1876

Mr.. Evarts, in his address at the un-
yelling OF the Webster statue at New
York, made these references to the per-
sonal traits OF the distinguished states
man:


No one will pretend that he was free
from all infrmities of character and con-
duct, though they have often been gross
ly exaggerated, Great temptations pro-
verbally beset the pathway of great
powers, aud one who can overcome al
most everything else, may sometimes
tail of conquering himself. He never
assumed to be taultless, and he would
have Indignantly rebuked anyone who
would have assumed it for him. We
all know that while'he could master the
great questions Of national finance, he
had no particular faculty. of looking at
ter his own We know that lie was
sometimes impatient of differences, and
sometimes arrogant and oyerbear!ng to-
ward his opponents for a moment his
own consciousness of surprising powers
and the fatteries'ot friends .woald have
been enough to account for more than
4 all Of this that lie ever displayed. have
known him in all his moods. [ have
experienced the pain Of his frown, as
well as the charms of his favor. And l
will acknowledge that | had rather con-
front him as he is here to-day,in bronze,
than to encounter his opposition in flesh.
His antagonism was tremendous. "Sa-
fest he who stands aloof" But his bet
ter nature always asserted itself in the.
end No man or woman or child could
be more tender and atfectionate. And
there is one element of his character
which must never be forgotten. l mean
his deep religious faith and trust. l re-
call the delight with which he would
dwell on that exquisite prayer of one OF
the old prophets, repeating it terrertly
las q model of eloquence and devotion
"AIthough the fig tree shall not bios
som. uelther shall fruit be in the vines;
the field shall yield no meat, the
flock Shall be cut off from the fold, ard
there shall be no herd in the stalls-yet
| will rejoice in the Lord, | will glory
in the God of my salvation" have
been with him on the most solemn oc-
casions, in Boston and at Washington,
III the midst of the most exciting and
painful controversies, kneeling by his
side at the table of our common Master,
and witnessing the humility and reYer-
ence OF his worship. And who has for
gotten those last words which he order
ed to be inscribed, and which are in
scribed, on lis tombstone at Marshfield:
philosophical argument has sometimes
shaken my reason for the faith that Is
in me, but my heart has always assured
aud reassured me that the Gospel Of Je-
sus Christ must be divine reality. The
Sermon on the Mount cannot be mere
ly human production. Lord, | believe;
help Thou mine unbelief
Year: 1876

A Rhinoceros that was drinking at
q limpid stream observed therein the
reflected image Of his horn IN legs.
ALAS! !" quoth he, "that an animal
with such massive legs should be dis
figured by so insignificant a horn =
At this moment his mcditations were
interrupted by the baying of pack
OF hounds. Away he fled, but his legs
refused to convey him with sufficient
speed, and turning around as the bay
ing pack gained on him he disseminated
crude sausagc-meat and drlving-gloves
over that section of the Continent. 81
Sec" he cried, as he exalted the last
hound into the spacious armament on
high, "that the legs | admired would
have proved my ruin had not my de-
spised horn insured my safety


Mordi-Somc people don't know
what's good for them.
Year: 1876

The .ubscritass to the stock OF the Elm
Grove railroad, will meet at two O'clock
this ?. nir The htna Insurance r'' Office
A board Of directors win be chosen, u
code OF bytaaws adopted, and, we pre-
sume, steps takenSto put the work under
contract at an early day.


If every man who is now a subscriber
to the stock of this road, will try, thi'
morning before the meeting, to get Al
additional subscription from some one
who is not already subscriber, the i'm
mediate success of the work will be as
sured. Let an energetic canvass all
along the hne, in every part OF the city,
be made to-day before the meeting.
Year: 1876

THE old time leaders Of Republicanism
are dead or exiled from its councils, and
the men who have succeeded them are
covered with infamy and crime. One OF
its cabinet officers stands in the dock OF
the criminal, and two or three Others are
In scarcely q better position. The ex-
Speaker Of its last House is selt-contess-
cd lobbyist; his predecessor has been
bsnished from all political association be.
cause of his scsndalous jobbery. Its
President stands where no President ever
stood before in the opinion of his coun.
tryu,en.-, These men have dragged the
government and the country down to
the lowest depths of political debsuehery
and corruption
Year: 1876

however, equivalent TO an election 70
this Presidential election is to be one Q
the most vigorous aud most closely con
tested thai has ever taken place in tn
history of the country. The result is 3
doubtful that the canvass will have al
the interest OF game in which the skill
of the players keeps the Judgment of tn
spectators IN suspense The chances ar
50 doubtful that public expectation vii
be kept on the gui oice throughout. Iii
safe. to say that we are entering on one @
the most interesting, vigorously contest
ed and doubtful Presidential contests tha
have ever taken place since the organiz4
ton of the government.
Year: 1876

Railroad on guarantee that the
road would be extended from this
city to junction with the Utah
Southern, thereby giving this part of
the State continuous rail through to
the East, but no direct subsidy could
be voted to the road. If such a road
is built it must of necessity pass
through Cajon Pass, which will, after
all, leave San Bernardino on branch.
Under this aspect of affairs it appears
that the cheapest, quickest and most
rapid means by which the people of
San Bernardino can secure direct rail-
road communication is to build road
from their town to Cotton, on the
Southern Pacific. The distance is but
four miles, and the entire cost of
building and equiping the road will
not exceed seventy-five thousand dol
lars. BY doing this they may have
their road in a few weeks, and for two
hundred and twenty-five thousand
dollars less than they are asked to do
nate to secure branch connecting
them with the Los Angeles and Inde-
pendence road.
Year: 1876

ALREADY interest in the Centennial
Exposition is beginning to flag. CAL
ifornia never was deeply imbued with
the sentiment. Either her means
were not in proportion to her patriot
ism or her patriotism was not in pro-
portion to that of other States. AT
any rate she does not present an ap-
pearance at Philadelphia at all credit
able to State that possesses so much
of the rich, rare and beautiful. But
aside from our own case the Centen-
nial is not proving the success that
the people of Philadelphia anticipated,
and If all accounts are true they have
only themselves to blame for the fail
ure. The city in which the nation
was born should have been content
with the honor of celebrating its hun
dredth anniversary. But the village
ofbroadbrims and steady habits sought
to gather to herself both the honor and
the profit. Extravagant charges and
small swindles have so disgusted wis.,
itors that thousands have resolved to
make their visit short, while thou
sands, knowing how things were, have
resolved not to visit at all. For the
honor of the nation, if not for the gain
OF Philadelphia, we regret that the ex-
hibition is not the success it should
have been.
Year: 1876

A Philadelphia minister has been
charged with plagiarism, and after
admitting the correctness of the charge
he was reprimanded and conjured not
to do so again. If this minister obeys
instructions, he will never preach
more. If there is calling in this
world in which nothing new or origi-
nal can be advanced, it is orthodox
sermonizing. Every verse and per-
haps every word of the Bible has been
the subject of thousand sermons.
These have been thought out and
preached by as many different preach
ers. These ministers have ranged in
intellect and education from the
lowest mental standard to the pol
ished and cultivated genius. Can
anything new be advanced on the SUBJ
ject without departing from the
straight and narrow path marked out
by creed? 1t is as impossible to
preach an original orthodox sermon
as it is to preach an original sermon
that will be accepted as orthodox. A
minister who is sufficiently fortunate
to secure fair pecuniary calls writes in
his life time about one barrel ofser-
mons. The time elapsing between the
first and the last sermon of the barrel
is so great that the first may be pre-
sented as original the Sunday follow
ing the delivery of the last. But
seriously, there is not the slightest
chance for originality in the orthodox
sermon of the nineteenth century. If
the minister is an original thinker he
will be regarded as free thinker, and
will soon find himself without an
orthodox pulpit. No one is more fully
alive to this fact than the intelligent
ministers of the day, and they pro-
claim it by selecting social topics and
local questions as themes for their
Sunday discourses. By this means
they are enabled to advance original
ideas and deliver orthodox lectures,
and yet avoid extraordinary strains on
the orthodox jacket in which they
are incased.
Year: 1876

The town of San Bernardino is but
four miles from the Southern Pacific
Railroad, and her people are now
moving to secure closer connection
with the iron rail. Their present pur-
pose appears to be to form a junction
with the Santa Monica railroad,
which they are promised shall be ex-
tended to their town in consideration
of q subsidy of three hundred thou
sad dollars. 1t also appears that the
extension is to be made contingent
on further subsidy of four hundred
thousand dollars from the people of
Los Angeles county. These consider
ations are so difficult to comply with
that it is more than probable their
satisfactory arrangement will be post
poned to an indefinite period. The
people as whole are uncompromis-
ingly opposed to voting further subsi-
dy to railroads. In this city and
county q considerable amount of stock
would be subscribed by individuals to
the Los Angeles and Independence
Year: 1876

The average rate of discount on
silver in San Francisco is seven per
cent, while greenbacks cost the pur-
chaser ninety cents, leaving but three
cents difference between greenbacks
and silver. If the silver bill becomes
law, as it most likely will, silver
will decline to an equal value with
currency. The effect of this will be
to drain the country of its gold. On
the subject the Call remarks: Under
these circumstances, it might be a
wise policy to adopt some general
action in regulating the value of sill
yer coin before all our gold is drained
from our market. Under the present
system there is more danger of the
hard money States being brought to a
greenback basis than there is hope
that the greenback States will be re-
stored to gold basis"
Year: 1876

The law compelling an exhibit OF q
sworn statement from all banks is one
of the acts of the last Legislature for
which the people have cause to feel
thankful. If such law had been in
force one year ago, this community
would have been at least one million
dollars better off. Under such law
he books of our collapsed bank could
not have remained unposted for three
wears, and its unreliability would
have become known to depositors in
season to have enabled them to save
their money. We are pleased to
know that our local banking institu-
tions are all solvent, and the state
ment they are required to make dur
ing July will only more firmly estab-
lish the confidence of the people in
their soIvency and reliability. We
hope that all other banks of this
State will be enabled to make as sat-
isfactory showing as those of Los
Angeles.
Year: 1876

THEY are to have a sham battle on
the San Francisco bay on the third of
July. A fleet of war vessels are to
battle with the Notifications around
the bay and on Alcatraz Island. The
batteries of Alcatraz, Black Point and
Fort Point are to be brought into play
and a fire ship will be destroyed. Ar
rangements are made for presenting
q grand spectacle.
Year: 1876

Cranks had an abstracted air, like one
who does not belong to this world. | don't
believe he did. To speak to him and get
an immediate answer, was as rare as the
Transit of Venus to get pleasant answer,
as rare as steamships in north latitude 900.
He never approached anything like an at
titude of gentleness, except shortly after
having seen a funeral procession in the
street, for the fear of Death was ever before
his eyes. The sight Of a harmless hearse
or useful coffin sent thrill of horror through
him. ! never saw a man who so much
dreaded Death. He was continually think
ing about Death, talking about it and
dreading it. 1t was part of his very nature
to fear Death. He didn't mind living so
much, but he did hate the idea of dying-"of
falling into naught, of being dead."s One
day, shortly after he had seen an undertake
ers wagon driving along the street, | really
pitied him, and, ignoring his graver faults,
tried to comfort him. TO that end / repeat
ed to him these beautiful lines by Il. w.
Parsons


o, but death is Bliss


feel as certain, looking on the face


or dead sister, smiling from her smoud.


That our sweet angel hath but changed her place,


And passed 10 peace, as when, amid the crowd


OF the mad city, feel sure OF rest


Beyond the hills-a few hours further west.


But Cranks was posted on Death and
opening well-marked copy Of Shakespeare
he pointed with shudder to this thrilling
passage in "Measure for Measure :"


Ay, but to die and go we know not where;


TO lie in cold obstruction and TO rot;


This sensible warm motion TO become .----


A kneaded olod and the delighted spirit


To bathe IN tery floods, or 10 reside


In thrilling regions Of thick-rIbbed ice


To be imprisoned in the viewless winds,
And blown with restless violence round about
The pendant world; or to be worse than worst
OF those that lawless ana Uncertain thoughts
Imagine bowling !-'tis too horrible!
The wearest and most loathed worldly life
That age, ache, penury and Imprisonment
Can lay on nature, Is q paradise
To what we fear OF DEATH
--SecretS Of the ,Saactim.
Year: 1876

"You see, grandma we perforate an
aperture in the apex and corresponding
aperture in the base; and by applying the
egg to the lips and forcibly inhaliag the
breath, the egg is entirely discharged of its
contents" "Bless my soul" cried the old
lady, what improvements they do make


Now in my young days we just made hole
in both ends and sucked"
Year: 1876

A HUNDRED YEARS Aeo.-The news
which arrived from America Just q CEN
tury ago showed that the war was in full
progress, victory falling to one and then
to the other side. OF the kind of spec
ulation which wss common abroad, the
following from the Chronicle of June 8,
1776, is an example:


"a gentleman who arrived yesterday
from the Hague says: The people there
who have money in the English funds
begin to be very uneasy about the fate
of it. They apprehend that by next
Summer the Americans Will have totally
thrown off their dependence on Eng
land, consequently the credit of the ma
ton will be lost and the stocks sink to
nothing He declared he was commits
stoned by twenty capital people to draw
their money out for them and send it
over"


People at home had lost faith in any
good result from the war with the colo
nies, and the Government was SO severe
ly censured on all hands that Ministers
were anxious to shift the responsibility
from themselves to the King or to the
Parliament.


Here is a sample Of prize fighting a
hundred years ago:


Yesterday a severe battle was fought
for o guinea in field near Dulwich be-
tween a coalman and q carman. wherein
the former was victorious. and the lat
ter died of the bruises as he was carried
of thefield. ."-Ne'Ocastis Eng. Chroni-
Gle.
Year: 1876

THE Sioux warrior throws a blanket
over his own head and the head of the
squaw to whom he wishes to make love,
and their courtship is thus hidden from
observation. Such o mode may do for
heathens, but in this part of the coun-
try, when O young lady spends three
hours doing up her hair, the fashion is
not likely to obtain.-NoristOtOn Her.
aid.
Year: 1876

TRAINING HORSE TO STEP BETWEEN
TH1L1s.-" Agricola, writing to the
New York Herald, tells how he learns o
horse to step between thills.


never draw a carriage up to horse
when he is about to be hitched before
it. No matter how awkward and blum
dering he may be, he is always taught
to step over one thil to the desired place
between the shafts. Before horse has
been trained to step over one shaft, the
two shafts are placed on small bench,
eight or ten inches high. Then the ami
NAL is led along the side of the carriage,
and taught carefully to step over one
shaft with the fore feet, and then to
place his hind feet between the shafts.
If he is awkward at first, exercise pa
tience with his stupidity, and lead him
forward again and bring him around
until you induce him to understand
what is desired of him. A tractable
animal (if his driver knows half as
much as the horse) can easily be taught
to step between the thills and never
touch them with his feet.
Year: 1876

About q year ago the ladies Of q GER
tain Doreas Society, says the Philadel-
phia Bulletin, made up q large quantity
Of shirts, trousers and socks, and boxed
them mp and sent them TO q missionary
station on the west coast of Africa. A
man named Ridley went out with the
boXes, and stayed in Africa several
months. When he returned the Dorcas
Society, Of course, was anxious 10 hear
how its donation was received, and Rid
ley, one evening met the members and
told them about il in little speech. He
said:


"well, you know, we got the clothes
out there all right, and after q while we
distributed them among some Of the
natives in the neighborhood. We
thought may be it wonh attract them to
the mission, but it didn't, and after
some time had elapsed and not q native
came 10 church with those clothes on,
1went out on an exploring expedition TO
find out about it. It seems that on the
first day alter the goods were distrib-
uted one of the chiefs attempted to
mount q shirt. he didn't exactly un-
derstand it, and he pushed his legs
through the arms and gathered the tail
up around his waist. He couldn't
make it stay up, however, and they say
he went around inquiring in his native
tongue what kind of an idiot it was that
constructed a garment that wouldn't
hang on, swearing some of the most
awful heather oaths. At last he let it
drag, and that night he got his legs tan
gled in it somehow, and fell over prec-
ipice and was killed.


Another chief who got one on prop
erly went on padding around in the
dark, and the people, imagining that
he was ghost, sacrificed four babies to
keep off the evil spirit.


And then, you know. those trousers
you sent out? Well, they fitted one
pair on an idol, and then they stuffed
most Of the rest with leaves and set
them up as kind of new-fangled idols,
and began to worship them. They say
the services were very impressive. Some
OF the women split q few pairs in half,
and after sewi ng up the legs used
them to carry yams in, and saw one
chief with corduroy leg on his head
as q kind of helmet.


eAAAAy eAOu6hS buO cOOAc HcIO tuo
most popular. ALI the fighting men
went for them the first thing. They filed
them with sand and used them as war
clubsA l. learned that they were so
much pleased with the efficiency of those
socks that they made raid on q neigh
boring tribe on purpose to try them,
and they say they knocked eighty wo-
men and children on the head before
they came home. They asked me if 1
wouldn't speak to you and get you to
send out a few barrels more, and to make
them a little stronger SOS they'll last
longer, and said I would.


"This society's doing q power of good
to those heather, and I've no doubt if
you keep right along with your work
you will inaugurate a general war all
over the continent of Africa, and give
everybody an idol of his own. All they
want is enough socks and trousers. I'll
take them when I go out again"


Then the Dorcas passed q resolution
declaring that it would, perhaps, be bet
ter to let the heathen go naked and give
the clothes to the poor at home. May
be that is the better way.