smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1871

An exchange thus desOants upon
printing office beres, hitting the mark
so fairly on tue head, we cannot fail to
appreciate, endorse and copy, Here are
a few OF the innumerablo questions which
printers are called upon to answer;


Do you print both sides OF the paper
at once?


How long does it take to make
newspaper?


Suppose you write everything you
print, don't you?


Why hre those boxes Of different sizes,
and how do You know where to find
certain letter?


Can't You print picture OF anything
you want to? 1 should think you could.
Why can't you2


(After printing some horse bills for o
man not long ago, he found fault with
them because the cut was not like his
horse. On another occasion, o gentle
man came to us with the information
that he had left his horse in front of the
office, and he wanted picture of it tax
en- and some bills printed


If you print one hundred bills for So,
suppose You will let me have four for
twelve cents?


should think it would be fun to be
an editor-you don't do anything but
sit down and read newspapers and sto-
ries all day!


Do you throw your type away after
you have printed upon it once?


You don't care if 1 take handful Of
this type do you2


1t can't be very hard to set type all
day-is it, now?


Can't l help you print something?


wish You would print my name for
me; it wouldn't be much trouble to print
off just one name.


What is this for ? what do you do
with that? what makes that look so fun
ny? what are you going to do now
what forH why? what makes you keep
so still? You don't care if fellow iusts
talks, Go You!


By the time man goes through with
this list of questions, his company be-
comes so monotonous that he cannot fail
to perceive its effects upon the listners,
and he walks off with the impression
that we have treated him unkindly and
impohtely.


All the above is to the point, and when
the questioner takes the hint and leaves
OF his own accord, we feel serene.


But then, as occurred with us the 9TH
er day, man comes in with 32-page
pamphlet, with the backs torn off, and in
sists on us printing him copy of that
same, backs and title-page included, for
ten cents, because that is all the original
copy cost him, We feel disposed to ex-
plain to him the quickest method of get
ting down stairs, free OF charge
Year: 1871

Some years ago, when the writer was
reporter upon an Eastern paper, it de-
volved upon him to write for the same
edition an account of the presentation
Of q gold headed cane to the Rev, D.
Nudge, the clergyman Of the place, and
the description of patent-hog killing
and sausage machine, that had Just been
put in operation at the factory. Now,
what made DR. Nudge mad was this
The inconsIderate buccaneer who made
up the forms got the two locals mixed
up in friShtful manner, and when we
went to press, something like this was
the appalling result:


Several of the Rev. Dr. Mudge's
friends called upon him yesterday, and
after brief conversation the unsuspec-
ting hog was seized by the hind legs and
slid along beam, until he reached the
hot water tank. His friends explained
the object OF their visit, and presented
him with very handsome gold-headed
butcher, who grabbed him by the tail,
swung him round, cut his throat from
ear to ear, and in less than q minute the
carcass was in the water. There-upon
he came forward and said there were
times when the feelings overpowered one,
and for that reason he would not at
tempt to do more than thank those
around him for the manner in which so
hinge an animal was cut into so many
fragments was simply astonishing. The
doctor concluded his remarks, when the
machine seized him, and in less time
than it takes to write it the hog was cut
into fragments and worked up into de-
licious sausage. The occasion will long
be remembered by the doctors friends
as one Of the most delightful of their
lives. The best pieces can be obtained
for fifteen cents pound, and we are
sure that those who have sat so long un.
der his ministry will rejoice that he has
been so handsomely treated"


Mad? Well, about nine o'clock that
morning the Office had been abandoned
by every man but the advertising clerk
and he assembled to the roof and robed
himself in boiler iron, so that he could
watch the venerable clergyman tearing
round there in the street with his con-
grcgation, all wearing the panoply of
war, and carrying butcher knives and
things. The next day we explained and
apologized, but the doctor stopped his
subscription and began to take the rival
paper. "-Erchange.
Year: 1871

In the window of Broadway New
York; variety store is to be seen u toy
called the "mechanical milking 1t
can yield more milk than any live COW
that ever was, seeing that through a
hatchway in the spinal ridge the hollow
body of the bovine fraud can be supplied
with milk mt discretion.
Year: 1871

A Long Island farmer had sued his
wife for divorce because, after coming to
this city and listening to lecture in ia
vor Of free love, she insisted upon hail
ing every man who passed the house and
inviting him in to have talk World.
Year: 1871

/


True dignity is never lowered by po'
liteness to the humblest in station, vel
many purse proud or naturally domi-
neering spirits forget to be polite, ex-
cepting to those considered equals.


The feelings of the poor laborer are
often wounded by orders, rebuffs and
snubs, and thus hurt. their feet and
hands almost refuse to perform the SER
vice which want and necessities Of life
compel them to undertake. A smile
and kind word would make their hearts
glad and their work seem light.


1t is indeed hard to perform thank
less tasks under a rod of severity and
naughty, wicked man>created pride,
which never "stoops to words Of SYM
pathy and encouragement to the toiler, ="
but yet stoops to meanness and oppres-
sion truly noble soul abhors.


1t costs so little to be kind, and
brings such rich reward that it is strange
so few invest. "If you please" and
"thank you" are too charity bestowed,
except in society where people assume

an exterior polished up for the occasion.


There is class, however, who never
speak harshly to interiors in mind,
pocket or position they are the real
gentlemen and ladies who bless the
world Genuine people of refinement
who, through years of elevating inhu-
ences have attained a standard where
they do not fear to treat everybody
with a gentle kindness and a degree of
familiarity which encourages the hum
blest creature and diffuses happiness.
Upstairs and would be somebodies. who
parade spurious pride lest somebody
will not call them quality, are the peo>
pie who are most severe with those be-
meath them in station. Ignorant and
coarse, they have only money to give
them precedence, and many times those
who do them menial service stand far
above them in the type of human ex>
cellence by which God measures each
of us at last.


There are comforts, however, of which
only our own actions can rob us, among
which is the consciousness of doing our
duty, and if we have that, the rudeness
and unbindness of others cannot take
away the self respect which sustains
noble spirits under heavy burdens
which otherwise could hardly be borne. !
Orl0u.
Year: 1871

A spirited girl observes that to her
mind the women who want female suf>
frage because it will cause division
in families must be a precious meek lot
A woman of any pluck can pick quar-
rel with her husband without waiting
to split on votes.
Year: 1871

A lady in Shreveport, La, got the
idea into her head that the devil was
in her and hung herself. Now, if wo-
men go to hanging themselves for a
little thing like that, they are going to
be scarce, that's all.
Year: 1871

Let young men remember that their
chief happiness in life depends upon
their faith in women. No worldly
wisdom, no misanthropic philosophy,
no generalization can cover or weaken
this fundamental truth. 1t stauds H.
the record -
Year: 1871

Those who believe in the cycle theory
must conclude this part Of the world has
recently entered cycle of disasters by
steam explosions and railway collisions
Close on the slaughter by the Westileld
Explosion were couple oil steamer expln'
sions on Long Island Sound, the "Star.
buck" and tug Carrie" Just on the
heel of these comes the awful disaster by
rail near Boston, and aim ost simultaneous,
| ly collision on the Erie s. Philadelphia
road, equally frightful though less fatal
Now comes the blowing up of an exCur-
sion steamer in the bay near Mobile,
whereby about half q hundred lives are
lostand a large number are mangled and
scalded.


The remedy for all such accidents lies
in prevention, As they are invariably
traced to criminal carelessness some
where, it is Obvious that more stringent
regulations for the employment OF steam
on vessels and for the running Of railway
trains, and n more rigid enforcement of
the responsibility OF those in charge, are
needed If the driver of locomotive or
the engineer on n steamer knew that 90
years in the State prison would be the
penalty Of Carelessness resulting in Scci.
dent, accidents would be far less frequent
than now. But men will be careless
anywhere, so long as their responsibility
is only nominal, and so long us they are
careless these periodical slaughters will
Year: 1871

AIKEN at the sign of the Golden Eagle.n
selling all dress goods at cost.
All hosiery and gloves at coat.
All fannels at cost.


All oassimeres at cost.


All real and imitation laces at cost.
All fancy goods at cost.


All bleached and brown sheetings and
shir.ings at less prices than they can be had
elsewhere
Year: 1871

WAS getting gray aad didn't like It
NATURES HAIR RESTORATIVE re
stored the color of my hair, cleanssd my
scalp and pleased me wonderfully. Moth
ing like it in the market, nor ever was OF
ever will be. See advertisement.
Year: 1871

ALEXIS A MUSICIAN The Grand
Duke is musician. After dining in this
city a few days since, says the New York
Eccninq Mail, he became quite social with
the ladies in the parlor. Observing piano
in the room, he sat down to it and began to
play familiar air. An instant more and
he commenced singing, astonishing those
who observed and listened by the fact
that he was not only an excellent per-
former upon the instrument, but possesses a
well cultivated voice for music. He SEEM
ed very much delighted that he had agreea-
bly, surprised the company present.
Among those who listened to this pleasant
little musical episode and applaudcd the
effort, were Miss Clara Louise kellogg and
Miss Christine Nilsson, and one or two other
distinguished artists, who were attracted
to the parlor by the remark that "the
Duke is playing and singing"
Year: 1871

WINTERPoCK CoAL.-We are glad
to confess that we were misinfoimed
as to the condition of the Winterpock
coal mines. We are assured by the
president of the company that the
mines show no signs of exhaustion. and
that the shipments to Richmond during the
coming week will be larger than at any
former period. We are glad that this is
the case, and that our supply Of the cheap
er grades of coal will be reeuperated. The
regular demand is large, and the books Of
our dealers, as we stated yesterday, con-
tain many orders given early in the season,
which they have not yet been able to fill.
Year: 1871

The Greea-Eyed Monster at Woyk.-An
interesting case was tried this morning,
before Justice Royster, of the Police Court.
Two daughters of the Emerald Isle, one of
whom is well to do in the world, were up
on cross warrants to answer for assaultlng
and batei,ag each other. The cause of the
difficulty, originated in the idea that the
husband of one of the party, was rather too
fond of the other. Sunday night matters
were brought to crisis by the aforesaid
husband getting drunk and being found in
the house making love to the one, who
boasts no lord. The lady, while engaged in
entertaining the husband was visited by the
wife, who Immediately commenced business
by telling her to detiad herself, whereuponl
she put herself in position, but received
several well directed blows from the en-
ragged wife, bringing her to grass. An old
negro man who witnessed the fray, was put
upon the stand, as witness, but fearing the
wrath of both contestants "clarcd fore
God" he was ignorant of the whole trans
action. The justice was left to decide the
case upon interested testimony, which he
did by fining the married lady $3.50, and
discharging the one, who had had both eyes
knocked into one.
Year: 1871

general Government to take such action as
will lend to mitigation of the evil grow
ing out of the neglect to furnish all children
with common school education, not only
in the late slave States but even III many Of
the Northern States where the advantages
and necessity Of the education of the masses
is so universally admitted.


1t is proposed on one hand, that the
States should be left, each to work out its
own problem of general education, without
interference on the part of the general gov
ernment, or aid aside from grants of public
lands.


On the other hand it is held that Ma
tional School Law should be passed. by Con-
grcss providing for the establishment and
maintenance Of common schools throughout
every State and Territory. If the proposed
constitutional amendment is adopted, a
National School Law will follow as a natu-
raj consequence and no objection that 1t
was unconstitutional could then be urged.
No doubt Congress might pass such law
in the absence of another constitutional
amendment but it would hardly have that
weighty and controlling influence and would
be subject to repeal whenever an adverse
majority might obtain power, whereas,
should the constitutional amendment be
adopted, the question would be permanent
ly settled as long as the government exists
MORE ACTION NEEDED. n


II an examination is carefully made Of
the statistics with regard to education IL
the different States, the need of something
more being done for the education OF the
children in the country than has been done
some more thorough and effectual steps
taken, will be very apparent. n


The subject is one Of such vital impor
lance, that it demands the close attention
and the united and persevering action, o
every friend of Republican government
every enlightened patriot, every earnes
philanthropist in the land.


There should be no relaxation of effor
until this important question is settled, ant
settled right, without peradventure, Sc
cured beyond the possibility of repeal.
Year: 1871

THE OUTRAGE UPON THE NEW YORK


ORANGEMEN. sses


We have never had any sympathy with
attempts to perpetuate the memory Of those
savage acts of savage age which are re-
vived by the annual parades of the Orange
men and hostile societies of Catholics. But
the right of any society of Americans to
appear peacefully in public professions and
parades is. one of the most sacred and un-
deniable. A -


The conduct of the New York city au-
thorities in forbidding the Orange procession
in New York to-day, was a fragrant viola
ton of the right of the citizen. 1t was
moreover contemplate and cowardly be-
yond description. Whether influenced by
fear, as is alleged, or by a determination
to retain the Catholic vote at whatever
sacrifice, it is alike shameful and dam
nable outrage. Our Roman Catholic
friends should hasten to ignore and de-
nounce it.


They cannot afford to seem aparty to an
ACT, WHICH VIII CTcdtC Viic n OiOttiiuooeS SSiip"
tions of alarm and indignation in the breast
of every true patriot and lover Of liberty.
Professionalism is not yet outlawed in this
country. Its adherents have some claim to
the protection of the laws. We are sure
this act will meet with no favor among true
Catholics. 1t is piece of superlative DEM
agogueism too apparent to cheat an mtelli
gent voter. We know that our catholic
fellow-citizens, as a whole, are attached tt
our institutions, and are willing to extend
to all, that tolerance which they ask fol
themselves. 4


We have no fear of their encroachins
upon the rights of any one in matters
conscience. We recognize the great worl
they are doing for religion and education
their noble humanties their care of the or
phan and the friendless; their Sisters of Char
ity, touching all hearts with beautiful lives
devotion to the poor, the sick, and the sui
fering of every cline. And it is becaus
we would not wish to see them take falls
position upon this subject, that we entrea
them to be the first to speak out agains
this suppression Of the procession of tn
Orangemen.
Year: 1871

Robbed.-Between 2 and o'clock this
morning, the conductors car attached to
the freight train standing near the Q. Il o.
railroad depot, was broken open and robbed
of pair Of pants. In the pocket were
bunch of keys and $3.50 in currency, be-
longing. to Captain Swift, the conductor,
who was asleep in the car at the time, and
who awoke just as the thief was making his
exit from the car. The captain gave chase
but was unable to overtake the thief who
escaped with the pants and contents. The
next time the captain goes to sleep, he had
better keep awake.
Year: 1871

Meeting of the City Council. This body
will meet tomorrow afternoon, in the hall
of the House of Delegates, where the mem-
bers will have room to spread themselves.
The debates are likely to be of an exciting
and interesting character, and if we are
permitted to be present, we propose to
furnish our readers with correct account
of what is said and done. We have no
friends to reward, or enemies to conciliate
therefore our readers may expect rare
entertainment.
Year: 1871

accidents from Kerosene Many of our
cotemporaries are urging the passage Of a
law making it penal offence to light fires
with kerosene oi1. They had as well ask
that law be passed making it a penal
offence to any one committing suicide. The
effects are the same in each case.


We propose law making it penal
offence to every one failing to subscribe,
pay for, and read a newspaper. The &C,
counts of accidents of this kind, published
almost daily, would soon satisfy people
that the habit of pouring oil on fires was
attended with considerable risk.
Year: 1871

A Sneak Thief Captured Yesterday
afternoon, Mr.. G. Zander, who keeps a
clothing store on Main street, near Elgh-
teenth, caught colored boy in the act OF
tapping his money drawer. Detective Dan
Wren, happening by at the time, took
charge of the young scamp and locked HIM
up in the first station-house, where he was
identified as one of the most notorious OF
his clan. He was brought before Justice
Royster this morning and received free
ticket for thirty days board and lodgings at
the Valley hotel.
Year: 1871

attempted Hat Lifting.-Last night, a
friend Of ours determined it was too hot to
sleep in bed, so he. stretched himself upon
a bench in the porch, where, famed by the
gentle breezes of heaven, which have been
so scarce of late, he was soon locked IN the
embraces of innocent sleep.


Dreaming sweetly of the past, he was
awakened under the impression Welslger
or Allen was measuring his head for a
new hat, of which friend proposed making
him present. Imagine his surprise, when
he found that young gentleman OF color
was endeavoring to swap hats with him, or
take his for no adequate consideration.
The gentleman of color finding his victim
aroused, concluded it best to make tracks,
which he did in a hurry, leaving our friend
to retire to more secure quarters.
Year: 1871

venerable looking old gentleman in specta-


cles, he rushed toward the place where she
was standing think never saw a face
assume SO many different expressions in so
short a time as did that Of the little woman
while her husband was on bis way to her.
She didn't look pretty. On the contrary she
looked very plain, but someway felt big
lump rise in my throat as | watched her.
She was trying 10 laugh; but God bless her ,
how completely she failed in the attempt
Her mocth got into the position; but it new
er moved after that, save to draw down the
corners and quiver, while she blinked her
eyes so fast that suspect she only caught
occasional glimpses of the broad shouldered
fellow who eibOwed his way SO rapidly to-
ward her. And then as he drew close and
dropped those everlasting portmanteaus, she
Just turned completely round, with her back
toward him, and covered her face with her
hands. And thus she was when the strong
man gathered her up in his arms as if she
had been baby, and held her sobbing TO
his breast. There were enough gaping at
them. heaven knows, and turned my eyes
away a moment, ami than | saw two boys ii
roundabouts standing near, wiping their eyes
and noses on their coat sleeves, and bursting
out anew at every fresh demonstration on
the part OF their mother. When looked at
the stranger again he had his hat drawn
down over his eyes ; but his wife was look
ing up at him. and it seemed rs if the pent
up tears Of those weary months Of waiting
were streaming through her cyelids.
Year: 1871

The LAST OF THE OLD COLLINS LINE OF STEAM
sHIPs The steamship Atlantic, the las of the
old Collins line of New York and Liverpool
steam packets, is sbont to disappear from the
list Of American ships, having been recently
taken to Long Island to be broken up for the old
iron and copper. 1t will be remembered that
the Arctic and Pacific we're both lost at sea, and
that the Baltic, after being altered into sailing
ship, was sold to go under foreign fsg. The
Adristic was also sold to a foreign house. The
names of these once, famous steamers recall, to
the memory the most glorious days Of American
shipping.-BOSiO Journal
Year: 1871

STRANGE SUBSTITUTE FOR IR0y Paper,
which formerly was only used for printing, writ
ing and other purposes consistent with its pulpy
material, is now employed for entirely op-
poste purposes, where strength and teuacity
are essential. The latest and most unlikely
use to which it has been turned is the manu-
facture Of railroad csr-wheels. An invention
has been made by which disks of paper, after
being subjected to heavy pressure, are rendered
strong and solid, and being itte1 with a steel
tire, hsve all the requisites for this important
purpose
Year: 1871

Many compounds called so are
not the real thing. An exchange
says beef makes a good stew, but isn't
"rale Irish" Mutton is the basis,
and then it is not only good, but eco
nomicaI, as the neck piece of mutton
is the part generally preferred. Gut
the neck into chops, and wash if
bloody. Two and a half pounds Of
mutton require eight gooi-sized pota-
toes four small onions, and a quart Of
water. Now, judgment is required
in the cooking the meat must be
thoroughly done so as leave the bohs
readily-fOr picking is a part of the
pleasure in eating the stew-and the
potatoes must be cooked to that point
at which they are just ready to go
to pieces, and have absorbed a good
part of the gravy. So if the meat APP
pears at all tough, it had better be
stewed awhile by itself then add the
potatoes cut in thick slices, the onions
and pepper, and salt. It is to be serv-
ed very hot, as it is apt to be very
rich with fat, and mutton fat hardens
readily. This is, OF course, not a dish
for those who cannot tolerate fat but
most persons who take much exercise
in cold weather actually need a good
share of fatty food,