Year: 1873


and left me in full charge of the house.
l like it haven't had such run of lib
erty since we were married. hope she's
having good time, for can now exer-
else my rights rs the head of the family.
Can't do it when she's at home she'll
not stand it. She has rules, and makes
every body about her toe the mark. But
I've got her now, and am having my
own way.


This morning l came home quite early.
1t was 2 A. NJ. I'd been to the club and
got caught out in the rain. For half an
hour couldn't find the key-hole, which
must have got mislaid. l felt for it ev-
erywhere, and even got down in the yard
and examined every brick, but couldn't
find it. was in the act of calling one OF
the neighbors, and asking him who had
carried off my front door, when hap
pened to find it and get into the house.


In the dark 1 kicked over spittoon,
but luckily didn't get any of the tobacco
juice on my boots. hung my overcoat
and umbrella on prong of the ehande-
lier, let them drip on the parlor carpet,
went up stairs and turned in with my
boots on. | thought it wasn't worth
while to pull them of, as would have
to get up in eight or ten hours anyhow.
If my wife had been at home she'd have
had me looking an hour for the boot jack,
and L would have lost that amount of
rest, which my system so much needed.
Besides, she'd have made me give full
account Of myself, which l don't like to
do. l never did believe in praising my
self. 1t is better to let others speak OF
ones virtues. L can now wear shirt a
week, and it's nobody's business. do
not see how l ever did get along with
that woman. The idea of having to put
on n clean shirt, black my boots and
brush up my clothes every morning, is
simply ridiculous. 1t is miracle to me
how l ever did it and attend to my other
affairs. now read the morning paper
without being able to see an inpatient
woman standing with her dress in one
hand, looking very miserable, and finally
telling me she is going down town and
wants that paper. Any one to look at
that house now, would know there's no
woman about, everything is so quiet
and comfortable and handy. If want
to do little figuring l don't have to hunt
up a pencil, or pen and ink, but l just
sit down to one of the the tables and do
it with my finger, and there's nobody to
be eternally welding dusting brush
around my bed and telling me to get out
of the way until the house is cleaned up.
These are considerations that every mar
ried man should ponder over. But when
we do ponder and resolve, what good
does it do? That's the question that is
now agitating the American people,
What good does it do? Not bit. If
these women can't have everything just
their own way, they swoon off into hys-
terics. AS consequence, we have to
pay ffty-dolar doctors bill, and stay
in the house all day tanning them, and
promising in the end that tive may be
happy yet" before they show any dispo-
sition to compromise. Our wives are
petted too much. And this reminds me
that mine won't yield to any other treat
ment. undertook to prescribe more
stringent remedy for her one day, but it
threw her into fit more like jim jams
than anything L know of. She broke
every plate in the house over my head,
and then | had to kiss her before she
would promise not to 90 it again. That's
what makes me say she is set in her
ways.


There, too, are the piano and guitar,
which she kept going from morning un-
til midnight, filling the whole neighbor-
hood with the discordant sounds which
she called music. Both are as mute as
the bird cage which was vacated last
week by strategic movement Of the cat.


The two hundred pots of flowers she
left me to cultivate l don't think will
produce much of crop. They are all
nearly ripe now, and there's no sign of
flowers yet. l have watered them twice
since she left, but it did no good. l
reckon they miss her, and are pining
away because she amt here. In this re-
spect they do not resemble me to any
alarming extent.


Our kitchen never looked better. The
stove and pipe have assumed beautiful
red tint, and the pots are bringing forth
a fine crop Of white looking vegetable
mold, which | haven't learned the name
of, but she'll know it when she comes
Tho dishes don't look quite as bright and
clean as they might, but the flies are bad
this year, and if l were to wash them ev-
cry two weeks they wouldn't present. a
respectable appearance.


Notice TO the Editor.-Please suppress
that article l sent you about my "Spell
of Single e-blessedness." The old woman
has got back.


WHEN you receive bouquet, sprinkle