Year: 1873

A sEAsONABLE NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. CAR


PErS-SToRY OF SICK BoY-THE


TACK AND CLAW HAMMER BUSINESS


GENERAL Row-THAT CARPET IS


WIPED TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.


The annual ceremony of taking up,
whipping, and putting down carpets,
Is almost upon us. 1t is one of the
Ills which flesh is heir to, and cannot
be avoided. You 60 home some pleas
ant Spring day, at peace with the
world, and find the baby with a clean
face, and you get your favorite pud-
ding for dinner. Then your wife tells
you how much younger you are looking
and says she really hopes she can turn
that walking dress she wore last Fall,
and save the expense of a new suit,
and then she asks you if you cant just
help her about taking up the carpet.
If you are fool, and you generally
are by that time, you tell her of course
you can, just as we'll as not. Then
she gets saucer for the tacks, and
stands and holds it, and then you get
the claw and go down on your knees
and begin to help her. You feel quite
economical about the first three tacks,
and take them out carefully, and put
them in the saucer. Your wife is good
about holding the saucer, and beguiles
YOU with an interesting story about
how your neighbor's little boy is not
expected to live till morning. Then
you come to the tack with a crooked
head, and YOU get the claw under it
and the head comes Off, and the leather
comes oil, and the carpet comes Oft,
and as 1t won't do to leave the tack in
the floor, because it will tear the car
pet when it is put down again. YOU 90
to work and skin your knuckles, and
| get silver under your thumb nail
anu tell your wife to shut up about
that everlasting boy, and make up
! your mind that it does not make aay
difference about that tack, and so YOU
begin on the corner where the carpet
Is doubled two or three times, and has
been nailed down with shingle nail.
lou don't care continental about
saving the nail, because you find that
1t IS not good time for the practice
OF economy, but you do feel little
hurt when both claws break off from
| the claw, and the nail does not bulge
n peg. Then your manhood asserts
itself, and you rise in your might, and
throw the carpet claw at the dog, and
! get hold OF the carpet with both hands,
and the Air is full of dust and fying
lacks, and there is fringe of carpet
yarn all along the mop-boarl, and the
baby cries and cat goes anywhere,
anywhere out of the world, and your
wife says YOU ought to he ashamed of
yourself TO talk so-but that carpct
comes up Then YOU lift one side of
the stove, and your wife tries to get
the carpet from under it, but can't be-
cause you are standing on it.


so you try new hold. and Just after
Your back breaks the carpet is clear.
I on are not through yet. Your wife
don't tell you any more little stories.
but gets your old coat and hangs it on
you and opens the back door and shoyes
you out, and lntlmates that the CARPET
needs whipping. When you hang the
tormentlng thing across the clothes
me the wrong way, and get it righted
and have 1t slide OFF into the mud, and
hang IT up again, and get half a pint
OF dust and three broken tacks snap
ped out OF the Northwest corner into
your mouth by the wind, YOU make
some observations which YOU neglected
to mention while in the house. Then
you hunt up stick and 90 for that
carpet.


The first blow hides the sun, and all
the fair face of nature, behind a clond
OF dust, and, right in the centre of that
cloud, with the wind square in YOUR
lace, no matter how YOU stand. Won
Weld that cudgel until both hands are
blistered. and the milk Of human kind
ness curdes in your bosom. You can
whip the carpet longer or shorter pc
ROD, according to the size of your In
1t don't make any difference to the car
pet, 1t is just as dusty and fuzzy and
disagreeable after you have whipped it
two hours as it was when YOU COM
menced. Then you bundle it up, with
one corner dragging, and stumble into
the house, and have more trouble with
the stove, and fail to find any way of
using the carpet stretcher while YOU
stand on the carpet, and fail to find
any place to stand off from the carpet,
and then you get on your knees again,
while your wife holds the saucer, and,
with blind confidence hands you broken
tacks, crooked tacks, tacks with no
points, tacks with no heads. tacks with
no leather, tacks with the biggest end
at the points. Finally the carpet is
down, and the baby comes back, and
the cat comes back, and the dog comes
back, and your wife smiles sweetlv,
and says she is glad that job is off her
mind. As it is too late to do anything
else, you sit by the fire and smoke
with the inner consciousness that YOU
are the meanest man in America. The
next day you hear your wife tell
friend that she is so tired she took up
and put down that great heavy carpet
yesterday.-Utica, N. Y Herald.


How To CLEAN PANr.-Use but little
waterat time; keep it warm and clean
~ changing often. A flannel cloth is bet
ter than cotton. Be careful of soan put