Year: 1870

ment were so natural and dIiflculI 10 o'ei,onI
glozed over some of the worst facts concealed tue
fact of his hopeless intemperance, and tired, WIN
all the humanity and justice which was IN iy . h
ture to speak most gently and impartiaily Oh nf tS
unfortunate man. The following IL the exact. copy
Of the first confidence ever made to this loyal friend
of my anxieties and struggles


MY DARLING AND COMFORTER: have seated myself
with the intention OF writing you long, long letter
telling you things which have never before toid
TO eat out my heart and consume my life day by day
miscraby unhappy yesterday, all the latter part o.
the day. Yesterday morning after had got all ready
to go to Mrs sncairs after had kissed Percy Good
by and had ny parcels In my arms ready rtatsd 10 @
Mr.. Mcfarland who is very sensitive and qick-teln-
pered. 1t from my asking him to help me carry
getting little BIT angry l did not say half as much as


hear women every day say to their husbands wttnoue
its being remembered either side. should not nave
remembered 1t instant but he does and went away
without smoothing out the snar 1t was perhaps hte
coaxDg. But all day was nervous, when he did not
call with Percy as he had promised and was gery
Showing how uneasy y was. aS 20 stayed Wien got
home found Percy in bed, hugging up book with
or two OF agonzng waiting waltinglistenng for foot
steps and dTeadng to hear . are e cGne %
two-thirds intoxicated and very morose l asked hm
why he could so spoil my day and cause me 30 ch u
happiness, and he answered that had treated Iln
ourageousy and he should spend the NewYears as he


Two weeks ago-the morning of the Tuesday before
went to Salem to read you reemberI got utterly dis
coura ged and said something not reproachfu To MT
up you know There was no unkindness between ns,
only when sink little in hope he sinks IN despair @
That night he did not come home to dinner, ana was
obliged to leave my babies when went TO the theater
awake and alone All the evening was burning with
anxiety to get lsme did not come for me- and went
home alone after got through the play found nm IN
beastly sumber from which could not rouse MIN; lie
morning for husets and it made almost crazy
Next morning he in sckcoth and ashes for his con
tell my father mother he would vindcate
himself before Inc by different life this year.


Dear try TO write these things coldly and meehan
cay rant to do so, so as not to be unjust but mus
write YOU fee feel | must let you know something OF


inner e and Of the struggles that no one can see or
l shall die.


You know, my darling, when was married had not
much experience OF life Judgment OF character When
Mr Mcfarland asked me to marry him, said "yes,"
without proper deliberation was not in love with any
questioned whether | was sufficiently IN love or not
Mong was and DID not Tsason After Was MAS married


to the extreme in all his ideas. He seemed to have many
heartfelt schemes Of phlanthrophy and lovely traits o
he acted them, when he did not and often cruelty
unjust to and my motives He was mady jealous OF
rc the rst-a jealousy which seemed to ME to have
its root in radical want OF confidence In womans Vr-
tue bachelor experience had made him believe women
chaste rs ice and pure as snow, II ever women were
case these things were horrible outrages They struck
the first blow at the tenderness felt for him, which
might have ripened into real affection have no doubt


1s was the first shoek-the second was the discovery
that If anything annoyed him. II was inpatient or
little cross (as think all women are at times and


know my temper is naturally sunny or If business cares
oppressed him, q hundred other annoyances which


might trouble then, refuge from any OF these,
he would drink liquor, and come home under its III
1uence.
and this was TO me vice more odi9s thnn can spea
home thus lOathed him with nnsPeakabe loatli-
in Brookiyn had not single intimate friend either
city. had no one to speak with from morning t hlgh
and pregnant with my first baby, which made me
very nervous and easily affected. What suffered that
first year, God only knows; what suffered many nun
you that in year the possibility OF ever loving hlm was
utterly eXtnguished.


This is an awful thing to say dearest 10 drag out & ITa
nature overOwed with passion who by turn adored ana
soul, and to feel nothing but feeling of pity.


rant to do Mr. Mcfarland justice and pity him more
than pity self His condition and his suffering are
worse perhaps. He had noble theories and not strength
enough to realize them The mistakes that ne made en-
noble and a failure. glad and proud to say that
the last he has ceased to be eaouo me or OF
but chaste woman In my relations with men, but his
feeling has made me more than prudent and have been
so warm friendship for other men, and my actions
would bear the most jealous scrutiny


hopeessy entanged this in the third year OF our
marriage he insisted on returning West where he had
formerly lived We stayed there for a time, and came
back here again. The first year after return home
from West before he took the position in the Provost
Marshas office, his habits were again dreadfuily bad,
and he drank way in which Of my friends mis-
trustedit He would out evenings and spend them in
low barrooms and come home at or O'Clock In the
morning reekng, with liquor; Three times he has come
home beaten and bruised. When he is drunk all the


end. Undiscipned in his temper In his best moments,


NV darling have spent hours and nights in scenes
before which tragedy grows pale have no words to


1 have tried and DO try to do my duty. I have the
most sincere pity for this unfortunate man; my heart
beeds for him try MeaTsn knows tic t. be s 0ss as
as unhappy as his Ny heart and E soul are my own ne
apo N I'M 0uck.


don't know what to do-what course to take want
to be advised have Written t. these @ wild words neo
of expression-to get some OF this weight on me- ana
have tried to write Justly M srSw mSt IN IN WAY
any careless word upon pom me have half made made up my
S to @ s a thn the
and have my babies to think Of beside.


d ne paG ddeH the Two Weeks board D 5 @
will spend good deal Of the money, which We need so


Don't come to after reading this fear sha re-
pent writing 1t. Yours dt,cdys, ABBY.
bed When came up he gone shall be 50 anxious
till night.


The evening after thus wrote her, Mr.. Mcfarland
not coming home, went to Mrs. Sinclairs, before
going to the theater and told her what great distress
was in. She then told me she had been herself to
Mr.. McElrath, who friend of Mr.: Sinclairs, and
had asked him tor place fT M r. u Kim IN onS ane
But" she added, "if he gets drunk habitually,
can't ask Mr.. Sinclair to recommend him, because
Mr. McElrath will not give man haa OF snGn habits nat
because he must get the place. else should not know
what to do with him and she promised to say moth
ing of it, unless something more was done on MIR.
Within a few days after the 1st of January,
1857, / found the boarding. house at No. 81
Amity-st. intolerable for various reasons and
removed to No. ~ .Amity-st., taking the
back parlor and extension-room for my rooms,
and preparing our meals for myself, Percy,
and Mr. Mcfarland The rooms very comfort
able and rented them from a Mrs. Mason, who her
self rented half of the house. l took these rooms
somewhere in the first second week in January.
had not money to move from the other boarding
place and, on Informing Mr. Mcfarland of the fact,
ne told me he should think would borrow it from