Year: 1875

ain in order and many of her citizens are
tasting water.


AN Englishman was lately struck by
lightning out West and they spoke Of him
as barsted Britisber,"


New YORK babies are dying at the rate
OF 100 day. The heat is too much for
them, poor little innocents.


a MAN who received many unreceipted
bills said he never paid any attention to a
communication which was not signed.
INSTEAD of fighting duels Virginians
go out and see who can make the best shot
at a stump and who would have been hit.
IT is now proposed to enlist men in the
army as cooks, and at each recruiting
depot to establish a school for their train
ing.


CALIFORNIA is no place for YOU, my
friend, if you are a quack doctor. They
use 'em there to make corduroy roads
with.


THE Government has changed the post
office of " Roaring Sam, D." Indian Territory
to Highland" and the residents are as
mad as hop,


THE butchers of Montreal are going to
start paper with $4,000 capital. Blood
will tell. Perhaps the English language
will be slaughtered.


THE industrious farmer of the land has
now begun to sit up nights, watching and
watering the "best pumpkin which is
to carry off the prize at the fair"


The Sartoris baby hasn't said anything
very cute yet, and his teeth don't come
along very rapidly although he is month
old and is one of the heavy-weights.


EGGS are only worth ten cents dozen
in North Carolina. 1t is this poor rec
ogntion of their efforts which makes the
N. G. hens look upon life as a failure.


You can travel all day in New Hamp-
shire and not find any door-plates, but,
then the kitchen floors are as white as
chalk and all the girls can bake bread.


THE Inter- Ocean says there are 25 900
young men in Chicago who can't afford
to marry It's sad. Did any of them
ever think of going to work and earning
something?


THE reason that Nevada murderer
didn't escape when the jail-doOr was accl-
dentally left unlocked was because he
didn't have clean shirt to go in" He is
man of taste.


A MARYLAND doctor agreed to cure a
cripple by Laying on of hands," and fail
ing to do so he was so grieved and ashamed
that he stole mule and left the neighbor-
hood at midnight.


THIS is the season when the festive moth
devoureth thy parlor carpets, easy-chairs
and laid-by winter garments, and likewise
thy precious furs, if thou lookest not after
the same ofttimes and carefully.


OVER $4,000 pounds of gunpowder were
exploded at one time in a hydraulic gold
mine in California a few days since. 1t
was done for the purpose of loosening the
hard. baked earth that it might wash more
easily.


ONE can learn to be an astronomer in a
year or two, while it takes a man three
years to learn to play the accordion.
Now, then, shouldn't we look up to an
accordionist more than we do o?-Detroit
Free Press.


AUGUST SCHUTENHELM, a liquor-mer-
chant of Hoboken, put a bullet through
his head with fatal effect recently. He
had met with business troubles, and the
only way he saw of getting over them was
by Schutenhelm- m-self-BoSton Post.
A REMARKABLE case of presence OF
mind was displayed by gentleman OF
Syracuse, N. Y, not long since while in
this city Having occasion to be on the
street later than usual, he was approached
by would-be highwayman, who demand
ed his watch. The gentleman snapped {
quill tooth pick, which he had in his hand
twice behind his back, as If cooking a re
volver, and pointed a cigar at the ruffian
who Immediately took tlight.-Aubuan IN
~ Adrertiser.


A NEW YORKER, dissatisfied with thu
present style of male attire, suggests tha
gentlemen's suits be made to consist of ,
thin flannel shirt or waist" made low il
the throat, with loose collar, under which
| might be worn thin tie; the shirt to reacf
| to the top of the trowsers, to which it nigh
be fastened by buttons on the under side o
the waistband. To this could be added ;
thin, unlined flannel or alpaca sack Goa
to save appearances.


A CITIZEN who was driving along the
Jackson road the other day, says thu
Vicksburg Herald, saw man up tree
| near the roadside, and, halting, he in
quired: What are you doing up there"
The man made no reply, and the citizer
continued: "What's the cause of YOU
being up there?" At that moment 6
woman rose up from the fence corner
rested club on the fence, and remarked
"I'm the cause, stranger, and .if you'll
wait till he comes down you'll see thu
worst field of carnage around here tha
] ever laid out doors" The citizen drove
| on, and she turned to the man up the tree
and continued 'Polhemus, 1 cam
climb, and you know it, but if you'll droI
down here for two minutes I'll give you
a quitclaim deed Of the farm!'