Year: 1873

i


SINGLE BLEssNDNEss.


REPORT OF A MAN WHO KEPT HOUSE WHILE
| HIS WIFE WAS OFF FOR THE SUMMER.
Ny wife has gone away for the summer
and left me in full charge Of the house.
ike it hsven't had such q run OF liberty
since we were married. hope she's having
a good time, for I can now exercise my rights
as the head of the family. Cant do it when
she's at home she'll not stand it. She has
rules, and makes everybody about her toe
the mark. But I've got her now, and am
having things my own way. This morning
1 came home quite early. 1t was 2, a. m.
I'd been to to the club and got caught in the
rain. For half an hour I couldn't find the
KEY hole, which must have got mislaid. l
felt for it everywhere, and even got down in
to the yard and examined every brick, but
couldn't find it. was in the act Of calling
one Of my neighbors and asking him who
who had carried off my front door, when l
happened to find it and got into the
house


In the dark kicked over spittoon, but
luckily didn't get any Of the tobacco juice
on my boots I hung my overcoat and um-
brella on the prong Of the chandelier, let
them drip on the parlor carpet, went up
stairs and turned in with my boots on. l
thought it wasn't worth while to pull them
off, as I would have to get up in eight or
ten hours anyhow. If my wife had been at
homo she'd have had me looking an hour for
the boot jsck, and would have lost that
amount of rest which my system SO much
needed. Besides, she'd have made me give
a full account Of myself, which I don't like
to do. I never did believe in praising my
self. It's better to let others speak of ones
virtues. I can now wear shirt week and
its nobody's business. l don't see how
ever did get along with that woman. The
idea Of having to put on clean shirt, black
my boots, and brush up my clothes every
morning, is simply ridiculous. 1t is miracle
to me how l ever did it and attend to my
other affairs. now read the morning paper
without being forced to see an impatient
woman standing with her dress in one hand,
looking very miserable, and telling me she
is going down town and wants that paper.
ANY one, to look at the house now, would
know there's no women about, everything
is 80 quiet and comfortable and handy.


If want to do little figuring l don't
have to hunt up pencil, or pen and ink,
but I just sit down to one Of the tables and
do it with my finger, and there's nobody to
be eternally welding dusting brush around
and around my head and telling me to get outof
the way until the house is cleaned. These
are considerations that every married man
should ponder over. But when We do pom.
der and resolve, what good does it. do ?
That's the question that is now agitating the
the American people What good does it
do? Not q bit. If these women'can't have
everything just their own way, they swoon
off into Mysteries As consequence, We
have to pay fifty dollar doctors bill, and
stay in the house all day, tanning them. and
promising in the end that 1--WE may be happy
yet" before they show any disposition to
compromise. Our wives are petted too much:
And this reminds me that mine wont yield
to any other treatment. undertook to pre-
scribe q moro stringent remedy for her one
day, but it threw her into fit more like jim
jams than anything I knew Of. She broke
every plate in the house over my head, and
then I had to kiss her before she would
promise not to do it again. That's what
makes me say she is set in her ways.


There, too, are the piano and guitar, which
she kent going from morning until midnight,
filing the whole neighborhood with the dis
cordant sounds which she called music.
Both are as mute as the bird cage which was
vacated last week by stragetic movement
Of the cat The two hundred pots Of flowers
she left me TO cultivate / don't think will
prouce much Of crop. They're nearly all
ripe now, and there's no sign of flower yet
| / have watered them twice since she left
but it did no good. reckon they miss her
and are pining away because she amt here


Tn this respect they do not resemble me tc
any alarming extent. Our kitchen never


looked better. The stove and pipe have as


sumed beautiful red tint, and the pots are


bringing forth fine crop Of white lookin.


vegetable mould, which I haven't learned tn,


name of but she II know it when she comes


The dishes don't locke quite as bright ant


clean as they might, but the flies are bat


this year. and if I were to wash them ever.


two weeksthey wouldn't present respectable


appearance. ~


that article sent you about my "Spell q


Single BIssssdness. The old woman ha
| got back.