smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1873

The PEOPLE WHO GET UNDER OrnER
PEOPLES UMBRELLAs.-The ferry boat is
favorable to the development of the best
specimens of this class. If you stand on
the forward deck, toward the end of tho
voyage, of drizzly afternoon, you will no
doubt, see several excellent examples Of
the species. He had two large brown
paper bundles in each hand, which togeth-
er with his own person were entirely pro-
tected from moisture by being jammed up
against the form of meek little gentle
man, who was compelled to hold his blue
silk umbrella uncomfortably high in Or
der to accommodate his uninvited guest.


You see that it is an invariable feature
OF the case ; the calm security, may say
the magnificent reposc of the intruder is
never more marked a phenomenon than
tho pathetic air of resignation that en-
wraps the always meek and always ittlo
gentleman thus imposed upon, 1t oaly
imperiectly expresses the situation to say
that the gentleman with the brown paper
bundles gives evidence Of a cheerful faith
in the Providence Of his neighbor's um.
brella and that the owner and bearer Of
the umbrella accepts his fate 10 the same
religious spirit


1t is a very suggestive sight. l often
wonder what is the right thing for the
little gentleman to do-ior you to do,
supposing you to be the little gentleman
especially when the other man not only is
nuisance as to odor, and the weariment
Of the uplifted arm, and the inconvenent
pressure upon ths body but becomes
additionally obnoxious by stepping upon
your toes. Are there not moments even
in the lives Of little gentlemon-no mat.
ter how meek by nature--when it is not
only possible but p5aiSeworthy and safe
for them to kick? Are there not i'm.
provideut, selfconcei;cd, busybody vaga-
bonds in this world to whom u sharp
surprise of this kind may be the appoint
ed means of saving grace?


But, ah me! fear it is easier to be
mellow than to be hard | am afraid
you land y will weakly suffer the scroug-
ing rather than cxer. ourselves sufficient
ly to be eased Of the thousand imposi-
tions of the life that now is.


Would it not be an odd bit Of tragedy
if some day VIC should ind the brown
paper bundles in our own hands, instead
of the blue silk umbrella ?-"The old
Cabinet" ScriJner'S for SEPTEMBER
Year: 1873

a FLANNEL SUIr.-Jones says the white
flannel suit he bought year ago has pro-
we'd very economical investment, aud
has been of much use in his family
Jones weighs two hundred and fifty
pounds, and when he bought the suit it
fitted him remarkably well. After the
first washing, his Oldest sou who weighs
one hundred pounds less than Jones sen.
ior, found the suit an excellent fit Two
washiugs more made the garment delight.
ful for youth of nine, and at the end
of the season the baby was adorned with
the habiliments which had shrunk Just
enough to make them fit for child ou,
Of creeping clothes. This year Jones
wife used them as dish cloth Where
all that flannel has shrunk to Jones does.
ut see, and would willingly take hi.
whole family aud his mother-in-law to a
lecture which would explain it, aud pay
double price.
Year: 1873

PETTY PoMposITY. am led to believe
that petty pomposity is one OF the most
uncomfortable of the minor unpeasantnes.
ses. The mildest case ofthis kind which
| can at this moment recall is. at the same
time, obnoxious that, regret to l say
can hardly bring myself to a proper
frame of mind for its calm discussion.
| think | must be peculiarly sensitive to
this style of social nuisance, because so
few Of my friends fully sympathize with
my antipathy. Indeed there is so much
difidence in the manner of the pompous
gentleman l have in my mind it is such
a gentle tragedy,-that there are many
who do not perceive, or else are not in
the least discounted by, the thing that
irritates me SO. Perhaps my own self.
consciousness helps me to detect the same
quality in others; and perhaps the manner
to which allude is rather .he outgrowth
Of large self.conciousness than anything
else. 1t may be this that affects the
tone Of his voice and conversation to
whose murmurous common.places he seems
to be listening with sweet content. He
says thing, not in order to convey an
idea (supposing him possessed Of such an
anomaly)but that the air may be burden
ed with the soft and measured tones Of
his utterance, as with a soothing song,
bringing delight to his own ears and in.
cidentally. to those of his auditors. Thus
his simplest question or remark,-as to
the price of huckledearics, or the immin.
ence of rain,-has cadence all its own
The thing that madens me is that this iel
low Of no accomplishment arrOgatcs the
subdued grandeur Of hero he thinks tc
wear that fine flower of gentiity which
has its roots only in chivalrous life
The Old Cabinet; Sribner's for Norem
Der.
Year: 1873

In England recently the velocity of the
air horizontally, in one week did not ex.
ceed tho moderate total of ll6l miles
the greatest amount on any one day hav-
ing been 253 miles which was largely ia
excess Of the average. These data will
serve to correct some of the wild calcula
tiops that have been made with regard to
the voyage Of balloons across the Atlantic
Ocean.
Year: 1873

A LOVE ADvENTURE-A colored mas
living in Macomb street having long ad.
mired colored widow living in the next
block above, but being afraid to come out
boldly aad declare his passion, went to a
white man Of his acquaintance the other
day and asked him to write the lady a
letter asking her hand in marriage. The
friend wrote, telling the woman in few
brief lines that the size Of her feet was the
talk of the ncighborhood, and asking her
if she couldn't pare them down little.
The name of the colored man was signed.
and he was to call on her on Saturday
night for an answer. Yesterday the writ
er OF the letter met the negro limping
along the street aud asked what the wi
dow said. The man showed him blood
shot eye, and scratched nose lame leg
and spot on the scalp where handful
OF wool had been violently jerked out,
and he answered n solemn tones: "She
didn't say muffin an didn't stay morn
minit.-De1rou Free Press
Year: 1873

A new birt-ofparadise has turned ut
in New Guinea. Its colors are green,
copper, violet and golden, and, when its
plumage is expanded, the bird seems to
have formed two golden semi.circles
about itself
Year: 1873

AN ELopEMENT.-There was considera-
BILE excitement at one of the Albany
hotels yesterday, An old gentleman from
New York, according to the Knicker-
locker, called there in search of his
daughter, who had eloped with one Of
the members Of the Evangelical Alliance.
He did not at first reveal his business,
but attracted the attention of the clerk
by his strange conduct. He examined
the register several times in nervous
manner. He finally asked hall boy the
way to room No. 70, He stopped before
the door, and was apparently listening
when the clerk, who had followed him
ordered him away, He refused to csm-
ply, and drew large sized revolver. The
clerk retreated, and reported below that
a crazy man was in the upper hall
The proprietor armed himself, and, sum
moning a posse, assembled the stairs
They found the old man pacing the hall
aud brandishing his shooter. He refused
to surrender until he had seen who were
in room rs. The uproar attracted the
attention of the occupants of the room
when a head somewhat sprinkled with
gray was partially thrust out. The old
man shouted That's the reprobate
Bring him out so that may shoot him
Bring forth my daughter and return hel
to me instantly or | will shoot you The
gentleman forthwith led forth a lady ap.
parently twenty years his senior. The
old gentleman begged thousand par.
dons for his conduct and returned to New
York. The inmate Of room rs left seor
after, and it was noticed that lady
about twenty years his junior accompanied
him. They bought tickets for Chicago
and by this time perhaps the old gentle
man has learned his mistake.
Year: 1873

AN OLD.FAsHIoNED iIAr.-A long
time ago, when we old folks were young
when girls wore big boructs and never
dreamed of wearing n hat like e hoy's,-
there was in fashion II small l,jry.Iike hat
OF silver or gold, to wear ou the finger
Every girl had one, and was taught tc
use it almost as soon as she was out oI
her cradle; young ladies wore it nearly
all Of the time, and as for mothers-why Y
they scarcely took it off to 60 to bed.


They were very pretty little things
made Of gold or silver, as | said, and
though they are somewhat out of style
just now, l think you will like to know a
little about them The Germans call
them fngcr.hats, aud our English fore
fathers, who had time to give long names
to everything, called them thumb-bells
but OF late the world has got into such a
hurry that we've shortened that pretty
name into a thimble, and now, Of course
you think you know all about them.


You may know how one looks, and
what it is for, though thanks to sewing
machnes,you don't have to wear it much,
and the time has long gone by when it
was necessary to every girls good name
that she should embroidcr sampler
full Of letters aud figures, and have it hung
up before she was dozen years old But
| don't believe you know how it comes to
be dainty little fuger-hat instead of a
silver spoon, or a gold ring.


Why, how many persons do you sup.
pose it has taken to bring it from the
state of tiny specks to the pretty little
thing it is? Not to count miners, or
crushers, or refiners, or any Of those peo.
pie, but to begin when it enters the thin.
BILE factory, it takes about twenty work
men, besides lots of machinery, to make
it.


Pope immortalizcd a thimbe by de.
scribing enc adorned with the face Of a
queen but sewing. machines are getting
so perfect that perhaps before Pope i
forgotten. there will have to be note at
the bottom Of the page, explaining the
use OF that antique tool the thimble.


Whom we are to thank for the gift OF
thimbles we do not know, except that the
inventor was woman. Some writer says
they came from the Industrious danes OF
Holland with their quaint name of finger.
hat, while others claim the invention for
some small footed lady of the Flowory
Kingdom.


think the probabilities are in fivor
Of the Hollanders.


1t is not quite two hundred years sincc
they were introduced into England. How
do you suppose ladies did the wonderful
embroidery that has come down to us
from those old times, book.covors, robes,
and almost everything else, when they
had no stout little thumb.bell to protect
their fingers ?
Year: 1873

great deal of outside abuse is being visited
upon Delaware, on account of the West verdict,
oil OF which is nothing to the purpose 1t is
beyond resouable doubt that the verdict is dis
approved by great majority of our eople. The
press Of the State, without single exception,
thus far, strongly condemn it.
Year: 1873

The organ of Mr. Grants party in Rock
Island county-the Union, shows its love
for the farmers by half column of vile
slang, abuse and ridicule OF S NJ Smith,
of kewanee, the Secretary Of the Farmers
State Association, from which we clip the
following choice expressions, viz:


This Smith is an ass. This
Smith presumed to address farmers as one
high in the circle Fifty men might be
taken out o. the State Insane Asylum who
would have made a more sane speech.
Now the quicker the farmers of Illinois
get rid Of this member of the Smith
| family the better for their cause He has
not sense enough to talk for himself if
privately he is a sensible man, much less
| for those he assumes TO represent. \
! The last servant girl badly burned by
/ lighting a fire with kerosene, would be a
much more sensible adviser as to ''how to
start a fire, than this member Of the
Smith family as to how to start and run a
| farmers movement


! The reason for this TRADE of slang
against Mr.. Smith is found in the fact that
he refuses to be used any longer 10 bolster
up the political party which had the power
to correct the evils under which the farm
/ erS suffpr
Year: 1873

DAILY R0UTINE-To those whose Dai-
" Routine is more or less imperatively
dictated to them by circumstances, it is
matter of extreme difficulty to secure those
various conditions under which alone the
full amount of nutrition can be got out of
food. And yet such persons form the
overwhelming majority of mankind.
What are people to do? They either
must put themselves in training to bor-
row phrase from the fstic brotherhood,
or else, finding this to be utterly lmpossi-
Bile, they must endeavor to find something
which will act so far as a substitute, as to
enable the system to appropriate the nour-
ishment which food alone is capable of af-
! fordng. Such a substitute is DR. Gottlieb
Fisch's Bitters A wine glassful of this,
taken after each meal, will enable man.
in very short time, to get from his food


the proper nourishment and will thus
/ fit him to perform cheerfully, nay, even


ioyfuIly, his Daily Routine


| This subject continued next week under
/ Mature Greater than ArL
Year: 1873

\ New DEPARTURE ~ MEDICINE. -
There are "new departures in medicine
as well us in politics. The latest and
most successful of these is the bold
movement of DIR. Joseph Walker, of Cal
ifornia who has actually had the effront-
cry TO produce a Vegetable Tonic and
Restorative, without any alcoholic basis,
which is curing disorders OF the stomach,
liver bowels, nerves and pulmonary or
gans, with Il rapidity that fairly entities
him TO the anathemas of the Old School
Of Physicians, and the praise and conf
dence OF the New His CALIFORNIA
VINEGAR BTrTERs may be safely pro-
nounced the most popular remedy Of the
age. When it is considered that this
now famous specific was introduced some
two years ago, its present sale, which Is
at the rate of 1900, 900 bottles per an
mum, can only be ascribed to its intrinsic
merits. 1t is believed that the history
of "patent medicines" affords no exam
pie of a success so rapid and complete
The community insists that this success
is thoroughly deserved, and we have no
inclination to dispute its dictum. The
Voice of the People, if not exactly that
of Omnipotence, is generally the voice
of Common Sense, and as they have had
ample time TO take sober second thought
on the subject, it may be assumed that,
in this instance, their opinion is credit
able to their sagacity.- Com.
Year: 1873

The great atmospheric wave which, the meteor
ologists tell us, sweeps over the whole United
States from the Pacific coast at this season, is
loaded with unwholesome vapors that chill the
body and disturb all its functions. Perspiration is
checked, the stomach is deranged, the bowels and
the liver sympathize with that organ, the nerves
and muscles are affected, pulmonary complaints
are engendered and the spirits are more or less
produced by the moist, ungenial winds prevalent
in the winter months. But if the system is toned
and fortified in advance with Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters no danger need be apprehended from any
condition Of the atmosphere The "ill wind that
blows nobody any good" will not be likely 20 blow
any harm to him who strengthens and regulates
his internal organs with thus wholesome vegetable
tonic and Alternative and clothes his outside in a
manner suitable to the season The seeds Of fever
and ague and other diseases Of an intermittent or
remittent type, are now in the air, and are liable
20 be planted in the system, to germinate and
bring forth bitter fruit either Immediately or at
later period, unless due sanitary precautions are
taken 10 ward them OFF. OF all safeguards against
malaria, this famous vegetable antidote is the
best and Of all remedies for the painful ailments
caused by damp, cold and sudden changes Of tenn
peraturc, such as rheumatism, chills, IRREGULAR
ties Of the bowels, bilious attacks and indigestion
it is the most reliable and the most agreeable.


A STUBBORN CoUGH that will not yield to ordinary
remedies may be thoroughly cured by DR.. Jayne'f
EXpcctOrant, efiicacious medicine in Bronchial
and Pulmonary Disorders.
Year: 1873

A RIDDLE.-There were fifteen travel
ers who stopped at II public house, and
called for n dinner. 1t was served up
and placed upon three-cornered table.
five sitting on each side. They invited
the landlord to dine with them. After
they had finished their meal, they pro-
posed to count, commencing at some
one, and count five, and whoever count
ed five was TO leave the table, or in other
words, every fifth man step out. They
further agreed that the last man left was
to pay the bill They so counted as to
have it fall upon the landlord. Now
what seat did the man occupy who start
cd the count 2
Year: 1873

He who every mornin G plans the trans
actions of the day, and follows out that
plan. carries on thread which viii guide
him through the labYrinths of the most
busy life, the orderly arrangement of his
time is like ray of light, which darts it.
self through all his affairs. But where
no plan is laid-where the disposal of
time is surrendered merely to the chance
of incidents-all things lie huddled IN
one chaos, which admits neither Of distri-
button nor review.


The first requisite for introducing or
der in the management of time, is to be
impressed with q Just sense of its value.
Let US consider well how much depends
upon it, and how fast 1t flies away, The
bulk of men are IN nothing more CAPRI
cious and inconsistent than in their ap
probation Of time. When they think of
1t as the measure Of their continuance on
earth, they highly prize it. & seek with the
greatest anxiety to lengthen 1t out; but
when they review it in separate parcels,
they appear to hold it in contempt, and
squander 1t with. inconsiderate profaslon,
at the same time complaining that life IS
short"


Among those who are so careless of
time, we cannot expect to find order much
observed in its distribution; and, by such
fatal neglect, how many materials tor Sc
we're and lasting regret are they laying up
in store ior themselves The time which
is suffered to pass away in the midst of
confusion, bitter repentance seeks IN vain
to recall. What was omitted to be done
at the proper moment, arises to be the
torment Of some future season. Manhood
Is disgraced by neglect of youth. Old
age, oppressed by cares that belong 70 3
former period, labors under burden not
its own At the close of life the dyin g
man beholds with anguish that his days
are finishing, when his preparation for
are the effects of disorderlY waste of
time.-BLAIR.
Year: 1873

I had heard, as every one has, of the
politeness for which the French of all
classes are famous; and reaolved strictly
to test it.


On one of the crowded boulevards 1
saw, one day, a woman who might be of
any age from sixty to eighty, sitting bow
ed as with infirmity, over a stall loaded
with apples and oranges; her wrinkled
face the color of time-stained parchment,
her eyes half closed, and her whole ex-
preston betokening stolid sadness and
habitual suffering. l made no offer to
buy. but doffed my hat to her, as one in
stinctively does in France when address,
ing any woman, told her was stranger,
that l desired to reach such a street, nam
ing it, and begged that she would have
the goodness to direct me thither.


1 shall never forget the transformation
that toak place while I was speaking
The crouched figure erected ftself; the face
awoke, its stolid look and half its wrink-
les, as it seemed, gone; the apparent sui
lenness replaced by a gentle and kindly
air; while the voice was pitched In a
pleasant and courteous tone. 1t said,
Monsieur will be so good as to cross the
boulevard Just here, then to pass on
leaving two cross streets behind him; al
the third cross-street he will please turn
to the right, and then he will be 80 kind
as to descend that street until be shall
have passed the cathedral on the left
Monsieur will be careful not to leave thii
street until he shall have passed the ca
thedral and another cross-street; then h'
will turn to the left, and continue until h'
reaches fountain. after which and 81
on through sundry other turnings anc
windings


I thanked the good woman, but begged
that she would have the kindness to re
peat her directions, as feared to forge
them. This she did, word for word, wltt
the utmost patience and bo1lhoDaSe, &C
companying her speech as she had don,
before, with little, appropriate gestures
I was sorely tempted to offer her a piec'
of money. But something restrained me
and I am satisfied that she did not expec
it. So l merely took off my hat secon'
tine, bowed, and bade her farewell. Sh,
| dismissed me as gracefully as q grand
dame of the Fauburg st. German nigh
some visitor to her gorgeous boudoir.--
Robert Dale OlOe1I, an Atlantic Monthly
Year: 1873

A correspondent of an Eastern paper
gives the following account Of how rail-
road trains Gre switched or "shunted" In
England:


At 2:30 we steamed away north by the
collieries, thick as far as the eye could
reach, stopped short time at Wigan, the
scene of a fearful railroad disaster; saw
where the cars jumped on the roof Of the
furnace, killing these in 1t and the work k
men below. The CoroneT's jury decided
the cause of the accident to be because
the train left the mentals," as they say
for rails. They call switching ''shuntings"
the switchman here sits In large glass
house built up some ten feet above the
track; rods run to all the switches within
two miles, and are worked In this room
by levers, which work like the levers for
playing church chimes. The switches are
always closed, 80 that the straight line is
always right, unless the mans hand Is on
the lever which holds the points and
throws the train on the other track
These switches answer only for trans go
ing in one direction, and it is impossible
for them te be misplaced except by &c
sign; they are IN use all over Europe, and
I think for safety are far more reliable
than those in use In America. A tels-
graph and signal bell in the switchman's
room tell HIM the position of all the
trains within his iurisdiction-
Year: 1873

The Republican journals are chornsing
that Mr.. Fernando Wood voted for the
back-pay grab. He did not. He was
not II Washington when the bill came up
far action, having been obliged to visit
New York q week earlier to receive q
new visitor in his family We have Mr.
Woods authority for saying that had he
been able to be present IN The House he
should have voted against the measure


The fact that Mr.. Wood ID the oldest
member in point of service and entry;in-
to Congress Of all the men of either party
In eithor House, not even excepting AL
exander Il. Stephens; the fact that amid
the jobbing aud plundering, the briberies
and the venalities which have marked the
era of Republican Ascendancy and smirch-
ed the names of every Republican leader
IN the House, Of many Senator, and of
two Vlce-Presidents, Mr.. Woods REGARD
in Congress is fair aRd clean as his ability
Is unqaestionable-these are facts which
may account to the journals that helped
elect him Mayor Of New York for the
complimentary vote for SPsakor which he
received at the hands of the Democratic
minority, many of whom have passed so
many sessions in his company.


We hope Mr.. Wood has Signalized his
return to Washington by returning his
back k-pay-which Is more than We hope
of President Grant or Senator Conkling.
We hope he will never again commit such
an error as his vote to put tea and coffee
on the Tree list, and we expect Of him a
square vote for the repeal Of the salary
grab law, for these things the Democratic
party demands Of every Representative.
But If in any or all these things Mr..
Wood shall fall below the level Of what
We judge to be his plain and bounden
duty, We shall still have Daught but con
tempt for the cantIng, pretentious hum
bugs IN the Republican prers, who de-
nounce q man whose Congressional integ-
Iity has never by any ore been chal-
lenged while yet they worship their
great salary -grabber Grant, swear by
their venal ice-PresideRt Wilson, and
follow humbly their psrty's leaders in
Congress, every man of them with &C.
M" blistered into his forehead and his
price written down in the pocket-books Of
all the dirty lobbyists In Washington.