Year: 1876

We believe that the number Of 9 unhappy


marriages is vastly overrated by nearly
everybody. There is SO much talk on the
subject that 1t is easy to forget that for every
instance OF complaint there are thousands OF


beneticent and prosperous union of which
| the world never hears. 1t is natural that
! wrong and outrage should demand attention,


but men and women whose married life is


full of good and helpfulness, do not often


feel an impulse to 60 up and down the world


defending the system under which they live.
! Then again We have long been convinced


that the fundamental thought or idea of most
! of these reformers is an error, and a most


mischievous one. What is an "unhappy


marriage?" What is a happy one? Most
people who complain Of the present system
! of marriage show plainly that they think that
the chief evils and unhappiness in the lives
OF men and women who are "not happily
married result from marriage itself or from
what is false and bad in it. Their criti-


cisims depend chiefly upon the notion that


proper union, a ''happy marriage" would


ensure happy and prosperous life for nearly


everybody. We think that most people are


as happy in marriage as they ought to be


that they have as much of good in it as they


are capable Of enjoying. Not everybody,


of course, but we think this is true Of the


great majority of all the married people


around us.


1t is absurd to think that so much misery
and wrong, SO much seltshness and cruelty,
SO much that is low, animal and unloyely
in the lives Of men and women results FROM
their being "'mismated. In most cases
there is no possible mating that could make
the joint life much better. These men and
women are undeveloped, selfish, exacting.
They have undisciplined tempers, and they
are accustomed to think Of "happlness for
themselves as the chief end of marriage No
magic of ''mating" would make the life of
such people very high or perfect. In fact,
as things now are, marriage is the source and
nurse of many of the best qualities in the
lives of most men and women. We think
there is nothing palmer than the fact that the
average tendency and effect of marriage is
beneficial and elevating. Looking at men
and women as they are, we think it wonder
tul that marriage does so much for them, |
and has such power to lift up their lives to |
light and beauty.


Our reformers trust too much to specific |
treatment for particular evils The real
problem is far deeper and more difficult.
There are no short roads to happines, or to
any kind Of heaven on earth, or anywhere
The men and women who marry must some
now acquire thoughttulness, self-control,
for others, patience, and the
other qualities without which life is unen-
durable in any relation we know of and we
know of nothing so we'll adapted to accom-
oish this work Of education as marriage
Itself. 1t is not by any direct effort to i'm
prove marriage that any real reform is to be
brought about, but by the gradual instruc-
ion and advancement of the people them
selves in knowledge and virtue, and in all that
makes up excellence of character. We be-
ieye that marriage and parentage are in
'ispensable methods of education for the
ace.


OF course we are in favor of any change
the laws which define the property rights
# married people which may, in any case,
e required by justice and right; and of any
measures that may be needed to remove OBJ
tructions which hinder the free and natural
7orkings of the system of marriage; but we
annot make the social relations of men and
7omen much better, except by the elevation
f the men and women themselves,