Year: 1872

wrote one, in fever of expectation.


showed it to several friends, but they all


shook their heads. They said nobody


you'd come to hear me, and would


make humiliating failure Of it. They


said that as had never spoken in pub
| lie would break down in the delivery,


anyhow. was disconsolate now. But


at last an editor slapped me on the back


and told me to "go ahead" he said:


Take the largest house in town, and


charge q dollar ticket" The audacity


Of the proposition was charming; it


seemed fraught with practical worldly


wisdom, however. The proprietor Of


the several theaters indorsed the advice,


and said might have his handsome


new opera house at half price-ffty dol


lars. In sheer desperation took ton


credit, for sufficient reasons In three


days / did hundred and fifty dollars


worth of printing and advertising, and


was the most distressed and frightened


creature on the Pacific coast. l could


not sleep-who could under such circum-


stances 2 For other people there was


facetiousness in the line of my posters,


but to me it was plaintive with pang
when | wrote il


Doors open at "A o'clock. The


trouble will begin at 8.


That line has done good service since.


| have even seen it appended to news


paper advertisement, reminding school


pupils in vacation what time next term


would begin. AS those three days of


suspense dragged by / grew more and


more unhappy. had sold two hundred
tickets among my personal friends, but
feared they might not come. My lee
ture, which had seemed humorous to
me at first, grew steadily more and more
dreary till not vestige of fun seemed
left, and grieved that could not bring
a coffin on the stage and turn the thing
into funeral was so panie-stricken
at last that / went to three old friends,
giants in stature, cordial by nature and
stormy-voiced, and said


"This thing is going to be failure;
the jokes in it are SO dim that nobody
will ever see them. Iwould like to have
you sit in the parquette and help me
through" EN


They said they would. Then / went to
the wife of popular citizen, and said
that if she was willing to do me very
great kindness would be glad if she and
her husband would sit prominently in the
lefthand stage box, where the whole
house could see them. | explained that
l should need help, and would turn to-
ward her and smile, as q signal, when |
had been delivered of an obscure joke
" and then" answered, don't wait to
investigate, but respond!


She promised. Down the street met
a man had never seen before. He had
been drinking, and was beaming with
smiles and good nature. He said:


my name is Sawyer. You don't
know me, but that don't matter. |
havn't got cent, but if you knew how
bad / wanted to laugh you would give
me ticket. Come, now, what do You
say2"


Is your laugh hung on hair-trigger ?
that is, is it critical, or can it get off
easy?"


Ny drawing infrmity of speech SO
affected him that he laughed specimen
or two that struck me as being about the
article wanted, and | gave him ticket
and appointed him to sit in the second
circle in the center and be responsible
for that division of the house. | gave
him minute instructions about how to
detect indistinct jokes, and then went
away and left him chuckling placidly
over the novelty of the idea.


| ate nothing on the last of the three
eventful days-I only suffered ! had
advertised that on the third day the
office would be opened for che sale of re-
served seats. / crept down to the thea
ter at four in the afternoon to see if any
sales had been made. The ticket-seller |
was gone, the boxsoffice was locked up. |
had to swallow suddeRly or my heart |
would have got out. " No sales, | said |
to myself. / might have known it.
thought Of suicide, pretended illness,
flight. | thought of these things in ear
nest, for was very miserable and scared.
But of course had to drive them away,
and prepare to meet my fate. could
not wait for halfpast seven; wanted to
face the horror and end 1.-THE feeling
of many a man doomed to be hung, no
doubt. / went down back streets at six
o clock, and entered the theater by the
back door. / stumbled my way in the
dark among the ranks of canvass scene
ry and stood on the stage. The house
was gloomy and silent, and its emptiness
depressing. Invent into the dark among
the scenes again, and for an hour and a
half gave myself up to the horrors,
wholly unconscious of everything else.
Then | heard murmur; it rose higher
and higher, and ended in crash, min
gled with cheers. 1t made my hair rise,
il was so close to me and so loud. There
was a pause, and then another; pres
entity came a third, aud before | well
knew what ] was about ] was in the mid
die of the stage staring at sea Of
faces, bewildered by the fierce glare Of
lights, and quaking in every limb with q
terror that seemed like TO take my life
away. The house was full-aisle and
ALL


The tumult in my heart, and brain, and
egs continued a full minute before
could gain any command over myself. ;
Then recognized the charity and the
in the faces before me, and !
title BY little my fright melted away and /
began to talk. Within three or four ,
minutes was comfortable and even con-
ent. Ny three chief allies, with three !
luxiliaries, were on hand, in the par
Iuette all sitting together, all armed 8
With bludgeors, and all ready to make T.
IN onslaught upon the feeblest joke that
night show its head And whenever a
oke did fall their bludgeons came down
md their faces seemed to split from ear
o ear Sawyer, whose hearty counten-
nee was seen looming redly in the cen
er Of the second circle, took i up and
he house was carried handsomely. In
erior jokes never Jared so royalty be-
ore. Presently delivered bit ofserious
natter with impressive JUNCTION sit was
~ nj and he andienca Estened with