Year: 1872

cause it is a good expression. Laughter.


Now the thing that made the deepest i'm


preston on my mind. and has lasted unit


this moment, was matter in itself essen


italy trivial. It occurred when I was


boy, and it has protected me up to thil


time against making speech when


hadn't speech prepared. 1t was re


mark made by friend. He said: 81


could have catched them cats if had hac


on a good ready" Laughter.l Now, a


first glance that don't appear to convey ar


idea. but it does, and the meat of it is this


don't do anything hurriedly, don't do &


thing unless you are prepared to do it


therefore, until this moment, I never


have made a speech unless had thai
speech all set down and ready. This in.


cident is of no consequence to you at all,


and l never made a speech in my life un.


less [ tried to inculcate moral laughter;


unless tried to convey instruction, and
if I can make you better than you are


laughter it is not for me to say there


is room for it. though I suppose there is


laughter !. If [ can make you wiser than


you are. or if I can protect you in after


life as have been protected. let me do it


here, even if I perish on the spot. Laugh


ter. Now this thing occurs in this wise.


As trivial as it is, it is matter to be


treasured. I think, and remembered.


When was fourteen, as remarked be-


fore, was living with my parents. who


were very poor and correspondingly hon
est. We had a youth living with us by


the name of Jim Wolfe. He was an ex-
cellent fellow, seventeen years old. and
very difident. He and I slept together
and one very bitter winters night Cou-
sin Mary of mine-she's married now and
gone laughter gave what they called a
candy pulling in those days in the West.
and they took the saucers of hot candy
outside of the house into the snow, under
a sort of old bower that came out from the
the eaves-it was sort of an ell then all
covered with vines-to cool this hot can
dy in the snow, and they were all sitting
around there, and in the meantime We
were gone to bed, we were not invited to
attend this party. we were too young. All
these young ladies and gentlemen were
assembled there, and Jim and I were iu
bed. There were about four inches OF
snow on the roof of this ell, and our win
dow looked ept On to it. and it was frozen
hard. A couple of tom-cats were assem-
10 80 a sAa sAiRasE ip tie middle q
this ell. and they were growing at fear
ful rate, and switching their tails about,
md going on, and we couldn't sleep at all.
Finally, Jim said, "For two cents I'D go
put and shake them cats off that chimney"
80 I said, ''Of course you WOULD" well,
be said, well, would; l have mighty
good notion to do it," says l, "Of course
you have; certainly you have; you have
a great notion to do it," | hoped he
might try it, but I was afraid he wouldn't
Finally, I did get his ambition up. and
he raised the window and climbed out on
that icy roof, with nothing on but his
socks and shirt. Laughter. He went
climbing along on all fours on the roof
towards this chimney where the cats were.
In the meantime these young ladies and
gentlemen were enjoying themselves down
under the caves, and when Jim got to that
chimney he made pass at the cats, and
bis heels few up and he shot down and
crashed through those vines. and lit in the
midst of the ladies and gentlemen. and
sat down in those hot saucers of candy
and there was general stam-
pede, of course, and he came upstairs
doping pieces of chinaware and candy all
the way up. and when he got up. there
now anybody in the world would have
gone into profanity or something calcula-
ted to relieve the mind under such cireum-
[laughter but he didn't. He
scraped the candy off his legs. nursed his
blisters little, and said. II could have
ketched them cats if I had had on good
ready" Now, I say this, that if the op-
portunity had so fallen out that l could
have had ample opportunity to get up
speech, I could have gotten up speech,
that would have sent you all home-hap-
py or otherwise; I could have gotten up
speech that would have done honor to the
occasion and to me; but, under the cir
cumstances, have had no opportunity,
and l could not get up such speech, but
as long as you live, if you remember the
circumstances at all. you will remember
that if | had had on good ready. l would
have caught these litarary cats here pre-
sent. Laughter. Now, won't bore
you any further, but will simply say that
am glad to be present here, glad to help
to celebrate this occasion, the new era Of
an enlarged prosperity for the Aldine. and
also the calling to the editorial chair of a
gentleman of culture like Mr.. Stoddard,
and 1 am glad to be able to sit with SO
bright company as this, and hope you
will excuse further remarks from yours
truly. Laughter.


GE-A crazy man having got into the
gallery of the Senate of the United States
during a rambling debate. was taken out,
the sergeant-at-arms telling him that he
was "out of place in that gallery" That's
so," said the lunatic; Il ought to be on
the floor with the Senators"


GN The press, pulpit and petticoat-
the three ruling powers of the world. The