Year: 1870




"Acton Gaile" tells the following
story:


My maternal parent was addicted to
novel reading, and was christened
Araminta," in honor of the heroine of
certain romance in which she was
deeply interested. This being the case,
our whole family was thrown into a state
Of intense indignation and excitement by
meddlesome and malicious neighbor,
who circulated report that my name
had been bestowed upon me by my pster-
nal parent because of his fondness for,
and occasional imbibing Of, mint juleps.


The report was wicked and scanda-
lous fslsebood, for my father was a
worthy member of temperance society,
and had signed the pledge early in life,
because liquor in any shape or form was
sure to give him the headache. Notwith.
standing my name, grew up remark
ably practical and matter-of.fact sort of
person; and my mother used to mourn
with exceeding sorrow over my lack of
resemblance to her somewhat sentimental
self.


Upon my arrival at-I will not say
what sge-I had an affair of the heart,
in which my mother was even more
deeply interested than myself, and which
terminated in manner contrary to her
expectations, and distressed her very
much.


A preacher settled in our neighbor-
hood, who happened to be young and
unmarried. Ny mother determined that
he was the most eligible person that she
knew of for son-in-law, and conducted
herself accordingly. hope the persons
who read this will not consider me very
wicked when acknowledge that l mani
tested decided prejudice against the
man of my mothers choice.


His personal appearance was far from
prepossessing. The most noticeable
feature of his face were his two front
teeth, as he had not sufficient quantity
Of upper lip to cover them. and they
dis6gured him very much. Every time
his name was mentioned i had the
pleasure of hearing what good young
man he was, and without doubt he would
be perfect pattern of husband.


Such attention as he paid ne (which
was very little, for he seemed to expect
that would naturally bow down to the
shrine of his sttractions) was qualified
by a condescension particularly dis
tasteful to me. His self-conceit was so
apparent that / used to wonder if the
bump of approbativeness did not extend
over his whole head; and his appetite,
when psrtsking of our noontide or even
ing refreshments, was 80 voracious that
/ concluded his stomach must be good
deal larger than his heart.


Aided and abetted by my mother, he
finally determined to marry; and have
a letter in my possession in which he
communicated the information that he
considered it his duty to marry; that |
had been recommended to him as a girl
who was industrious and economical, and
that in the whole circle of his acquain-
tances be knew of none whom he would
prefer as companion.


Upon the receipt of this epistle | an
swered 1t forthwith. told him that, al
though his goodness was altogether too
we'll known for me to desire to place my
selfiu position where disparsging COM
parisous could be drawn between us, still,
if he insisted, / should not refuse; that
it would perhaps be advisable for him to
insist, for in case we we're united he would
find that the beauty of my person and
the brillisncy of nay mind were not only
equaled but greatly surpassed by the
economy of my disposition, for in case !
died first it would be my desire that he
should not spend single cent for tomb
stones. All ! requested was that he
would have his front teeth extracted. and
insert one at my head and the other at
nv feet as a monument to my virtues


/ received reply from my reverend
admirer upon the same day, and to my
surprise and modification be withdrew
his proposals, upon the ground that,
although he considered me fine girl, my
levity was so great that he had reconsid-
cred the matter. Ny mother wept and
upbFsided me, bat silenced her by the
argument that I had been moderate in
my desires; for / reasoned that, although
the man had very large teeth, they would
have made very small tombstones.


Aud now let me ask If l am to be con-
sidesad responsible for my dissppoint-
ment. Is there not an innate selhshness
in the hesrt Of even minister, when he
can turn a deaf ear to such q petition
frou, the one be professed to lovef


When 1 meet that minister now he does
not even smile; and although be has
been invited to our house repeatedly for
upward of year, his shadow has never
dsrkened our door. I0