Year: 1871

4 SCENE IN PHlLADELpHIA.--The following
o er true tale, which is told in vein equal to
auything from the pen Of John Phoenix. or
Mark Twain. will be appreciated by both press
and public 1t is from the Philadelphia Dis
patch:


A week or two ago one of our reporters had
occasion to refer to certain woman, whom we
will call Hannah Smith, as Il deuizen of the
Eleventh ward. A day or two atterWard
huge man entered the office with his brow
clothed with thunder. In his hand ne earned
fearful club and at his side trotted bull dog
whom hunger evidently had made desperate
which is creditable to the superior intelligence
Of an educated man, the editor of this paper
and the proprietor darted to the window, climb
I'd outside, sld down the lightnlng-rod, and
went across the street to watch the bloody tray
through a spyglass. With the fearlessness of
conscious innocence we sat still, merely insert
ug our legs in two sections of stove-ppe to
.uard against any misapprehension OF facts on
the part of the bull dog. The mau with the
club approached. =.


Are you the cditor?' he asked, splitting on
his hand and grasping his club. We told him
that the editor was out; that he had gone to
the North Pole with Captain Hail. and that he
would not return before 1876, in time tor the
centennial celebration.


Are you the prOprletor?' asked the man.


We ex planned to him that we were not; that the
proprietors were also out; that they had gone to
South America for the purpose of investigating
the curative properties of cunduraugo and they
expected to remain there for several years.


We'll, whoever you arc, exclaimed the
warrior, my name is Smith


We told him we were glad, because. if there
was one thing better than possession OF the
name of Smith, it was the privilege Of knowing
= man Of that name. But. Smith," we said,
why this battle anay?" 1t is absurd Tor !
man to put on the panoply of war, and trisk
into editors sanctums fumbling club and ae-
companed by disheartenting bulldog, simply
because his name happens to be Smith.


Tic said he called in to burst the head Of the
man who had insulted his sister.


1T is impossible, Smith, that such Il thing
could have been done by any one III this office.


Yes, but it was, though; and her name was
published, too. Miss Smith-Miss Hammer
Smith !"


May VIC be permitted to inquire, Mr.. Smith.
what was the precise character of the attront
offered to Hannah


We'll you see said smith, the blackguard
said she was denixen. And want you to
understand" exclaimed Smith, becoming cX-
cllCu anu ulauulSulllS Aio ClIo All q VIM u"
ncr over our head, while the bulldog ad-
yauccd aud commenced to sniff up and down
our stovepipe, II want you to understand that
she is decent young woman, with good
character and none OF your dcni2ens and such
truck.


The man who says she is denizen Is a
blackguard and thief, and Ill smash HIM over
the nose if get chance. They may say
what they please about me, but the man who
abuses my sister has got to suffer. And
Smith struck the table in a violent manner
with his club, while the bulldog put his fore
legs up on the back Of our chair.


We pacifed Smith With dictionary. we
pointed out to that raging warrior that the
Wehsterian definition of the word 'denlzen
gives such person an unofending character
and deprives the term of everything like re-
shook hands and kicked the bulldog down
stairs. The editor and proprietors seeing that
all wa. safe, Immediately climbed the lightning
rod and soon appeared at the window, where
they we're introduced to Smith, with the re-
mark that they had returned from the North
Pole and the cline Of the cundurango some
what unexpectedly, in order to surprise their
relations.


And now we suppose Smith will be mad be,
cause. We have told this story about him, and
he will be coming down to interview us again
iu wars magnlhcently stern array with fresh
bulldog. But it will be in vain. We have
rented an Office in the top Of the Shot tower,
and have planted torpedoes. and spring guns
all the way up the stairs We warn this IN
cendiary Smith to beware. .f