Year: 1873

My wife has gone away for the summer,
and left me in full charge of the house.
like it; hav'nt had such a run of liberty
since we were married. | hope she's hav-
ing a good time, for | can now exercise
my rights as the head of the family
Can't do it when she's at home; she'll not
stand it. She has rules, and makes every
body about her toe the mark. But I've
got her now, and am having things my
own way.


This morning I came home quite early
1t was two a. m. I'd been to the club and
got caught out in the rain. For half an
hour I couldn't find the kev-hole which
must have got mislaid. l felt for it every
where, and even got down into the yard
and examined every brick, but couldn't
find it. / was in the act of calling one of
myneighbors, and asking him who had
carried off my front door, when / happened
to find it and got into the house.


In the dark | kicked over a spittoon


but luckily didn't get any of the tobacco
juice on my boots. / hung my overcoat
and umbrella on prong of the chandelier,
let them drip on the parlor carpet, went
upstairs and turned in with my boots on.
| thought it wasn't worth while to pull
them off, as would have to get up in
eight or ten hours anyhow. If my wife
had been at home she'd have had me
looking an hour for the bOot,iack, and
| would have lost that amount of rest,
which my system so much needed. Be
sides, she'd have made me give full ac-
count of myself, which | don't like to do.
| never did believe in praising myself
It's better to let others speak of ones
, virtues. | can now wear shirt a week
and it's nobody's business. I don't see
how l ever did get along with that woman.
The idea of having to put on a
clean shirt, black my boots, and
brush up my clothes every morning, is
simply ridiculous. 1t is miracle to me
how I ever did it and attend to NY other
affairs. | now read the morning paper
without being forced to see an impatient
woman standing with her dress in one
hand, looking very miserable, and finally
telling me she is going down town and
wants that paper. Any one, to look at the
house now, would know there's no women
about, everything is so quiet and comfort
able and handy. If | want to do little
figuring don't have to hunt up pencil,
or pen and ink, but just sit down to one
of the tables and do it with my finger,
and there's nobody to be eternally WELD





telling me to get out of the way until the
house is cleaned up. These are consider
atiOns that every married man should pom
der over. But when we do ponder and
resolve, what good does it do? That's
the question that is now agitating the
American people. What good does it do?
Not bit. If these women can't have
everything just their own way they swoon
off into Mysteries. As consequence, we
have to pay fifty dollar doctors bill, and
stay in the house all day, tanning them,
and promising in the end that 1--WE may
be happy yet" before they show any dis
position to compromise. Our wives are
petted too much. And this reminds me
that mine won't yield to any other treat
ment. | undertook to prescribe more
stringent remedy for her one day, but it
threw her into fit more like jim, jams
than anything knew of She broke every


plate in the house over my head, and then
had to kiss her before She would prom


Use not to do it again. That's what makes
me say she is set in her ways.


There, too, are the piano and guitar,
| which she kept going from morning until
| midnight filling the whole neighborhOod
| with the discordant sounds which she
| called music. Both are as mute as the
bird-cage which was vacated last week by
a strategic movement of the cat.


The two hundred pots Of flowers she left
| me to cultivate don't think will produce


much of crop. They're nearly all ripe


now, and there's no sign of flower yet
| have watered them twice since she left
but it did no good. l reckon they miss


her. and are pining away becar Sc she
| amt here. In this respect they do not
| resemble me to any alarming extent.
| Our kitchen never looked better. The
stove and pipe have assumed a beautiful
| red tint, and the pots are bringing forth a
fine crop of white looking vegetable mold,
which | haven't learned the name of, but
she'll know it when she comes. The
dishes don't look quite as bright and clean


as they might, but the flies are bad this
year, and if were to wash them every
two weeks they wouldn't present respec-
table appearance.


Notice to the Editor-Please suppress
that article | sent you about my "Spell OF
| Single Blessedness" The old woman has
got back.


L J. ~ -