smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1873

calves only, and not for strong men? This
man had full set of strong, double teeth
clear around, and every one of them had
to be pulled out as he tore his clothes to
pieces with them. As he didn't need them
to chew his milk with, he probably thought
he must make some use of them, as they
were evidently made for something, and
his clothes furnished excellent materials
on which to exercise them. Another pc
culiarity of this strange being is that
through all his life he has chewed a rag.
From his infancy his mother has had to
place rag in his mouth as soon as he had
taken his food. | asked her what he would
do if she omitted it. She said he would
give her no peace till she put it back. He
distinguishes strangers from the neighbors,
and those who have visited him before.
took hold of his hand. and he took it in
both of his, and seemed to be considering,
then passed his hand up the length of my
arm, and then pa:ted his head and chest,
and made singular cultural noise. l
asked his mother what these manifestations
indicated. she said that was his way OF
expressing his joy-of showing that he was
pleased. His principal enjoyment seems
to consist in having his mother get through
with her work and sit down by his side
He has swing in the room in which he
spends good part of his time swinging
Sometimes. when his mother steps out, he
will lock the door so that she can't ge
back again, which shows that he has some
wit about him, or trickery, at least. He /:
always very wakeful at night, and rouse'
his mother out of bed many times night
She says he has lived thus without gooC
nights rest for thirty years, with the ex-
ception of Saturday and Sunday nights
Every Saturday night he calms down lik'
a lamb, and keeps that night and all th'
Sunday, after the strict letter Of old "blu
laws" of Connecticut. don't suppose h
would venture to kiss his mother on tha
day. Evidently the spirit of Cotton Math
er takes possession of him and triumphant
Iy rules till Monday morning.-Letter L
Hartford Times.
Year: 1873

WHAT HE KNEW ABOUT THREsHTSG.-
The TitusviIle Press gives an account of a
Young man from an Eastern city who had
been visiting rural friends in that vicinity.
After seeing a farmer thresh out floor
ing" of oats the other morning, he asked
and received permission to swing the fail
a few minutes, upon assuring the agrlcul-
turist that he was perfectly familiar with
the art of threshing" Expectorating up
on his hands, the young man went at the
oats but at the first pass knocked the horn
off a new milch COW that was leisurely
chewing her cud in a neighboring stall.
The second swing caved in the head of the
farmer, who thought he was safe enough as
long as he roasted on top of the tanning
mill in the other end ofthe barn, but with
out discovering the havoc he was making,
the city artist kept at his labors the third
blow fell upon the oats, the fourth killed a
hen in a manger near by, and the fifth pass
of the deadly weapon was the best of al, 4,
for it came round behind the young man
boomerang fashion, and taking him under
the lower Jaw, knocked him down, and
thus put stop to the work of slaughter.
The mere fact that the city thresher ,
returned to consciousness an hour before
the farmer did allowed the former to get
several miles out of town before his efforts
at tbreshing oats were discovered by the
neighbors.
Year: 1873

A Hartford grave-digger was preparing
a receptacle for smallpox corpse, when
the bearers came into the cemetery with
the body, and the grave digger, whose name
is Jacob, fearing the disease, skedaddled
over the fence. The bearers thought they
should hear no more of Jacob, and hired
another man to fill up the grave. The new
hand, having also wholesome fear of the
disease, filled himself with whisky, and
when the grave was half flied lay down in


it to rest. Meanwhile Jacob got the better
of bis fears and came back to finish the
job He did not look in the grave. but
began throwing in the dirt, when vigor-
Gus kicking in the grave startled him. This
was too much for Jacob, and thinking that
the smallpox corpse was coming up out of
the grave again, he ran for life. A police
man who heard the story went and releas-
ed grave-digger No. 2, who was kicking
away in the grave, trying to overcome the
double load of sand and whisky, and this
grave comedy at length came to an end
Springfield Union.
Year: 1873

How He Cor OvER.-In Scotland they
have narrow, open bitches. they call sheep
drains. A man was riding donkey one
day across a sheep pasture, and when Mr..
Donkey came to sheep drain, he would
not 60 over it. So the man rode him back
short distance and turned him around,
and put the whip to him, thinking. of
course. that the donkey, going so fast.
would jump the drain before he ever knew
it. But not so. On they came and,
when the donkey got to the drain, he
stopped all of sudden, and tie man went
over Mr.. Jacks head. No sooner had he
touched the ground than he got up. and
looking Mr.. Donkey straight in the face,
be said: Very weel pitched, but then,
how are ye going to get over yersel p
Day Spring.
Year: 1873

Park pavement, and all within the town. The
people are mainly from New England, though
some reach this place by way of the West.
Once year vote is taken on the sale Of
intoxicating drinks. None has so far been
allowed, not even lager beer. The town is
full of ministers; but has no Jail, no court,
no justice of the peace. The only constable
of the town is obliged to work for a living
and the solitary undertaken has resolved ts
move from the place. The overseers of the
poor have not yet found case that demand
ed their attention.
Year: 1873

Always attend to checking your
self. If you feel like swearing at the
baggage-mastcr, check yourself. If
you havn't a trunk full of clean
clothes to check, you at least should
be adequate to a check shirt.


When you vacatc your seat for q
moment, leave plug hat in the seat.
Some one will come along and sit
on it, thereby preventing your hat
from being stolen.


Passengers cannot lay over for
another train without making ar
rangements with the conductor. If
man has been on a train" for a
week or so, no conductor should
allow him to lay over for another on
any account.


Ladies without escort in travelling
should be very particular with whom
they become acquainted. They
needn't be so particular with those
with whom they are acquainted.


Keep your head and arms inside the
car windows, if you would keep your
head and carry arms"


Never talk on politics it encourages
some "nimshi" to take q vote of the
passengers.


No gentleman will occupy moro
than one seat at time unless he be
twins.


A gentleman should not spit tobac-
CO juice in the cars where there are
ladies. He can let drive out of the
car window while the train is at a
station, if the platform is crowded.


Always show your ticket whenever
the conductor asks for it. If you get
out of humor about it, don't show it.


Never smoke in car where there
are ladies. Get the conductor to turn
the ladies out before lighting your
cigar.


Never use profane language in the
car. Go out on the platform. Pro-
family is never thrown away on a
brakeman.


If YOU cannot sleep yourself do not
disturb the " "sleepers.'


Look out for pickpockets. Pick
pockets are never in the. car, you
know, as you have to look out for
them.


Provide yourself with sleeping
berths before starting. No careful
man will start out on journey with
out good supply of sleeping berths.
m. B.--Thosc put up in fiat bottles
are the best, as they are easily carried
in the pocket.l


Always be at the railroad station in
good time to take the train. Better
be au hour too early than minute
too late, unless you are on your way
to be hangcd.-Fdt Contributors Sat.
Wddg Night.
Year: 1873

linen clothing. A providential thing
truly for both.


AS soon as Turner's garments were ex
tinguished, Garrison stepped back, ant
wiping the blood from his face with one
hand, thrust the other into his pocket
took out cap, and extending it, said:


"Mr. Turner you are entitled to youl
shot. Here is fresh cap take it, sir
and proceed"


Turner gazed at him a moment il
mute surprise, as if he doubted the evi
dence of his senses. Then throwing
down his pistol and advancing step he
extended his hand and said


Commodore Garrison, this is all
wrong; you are too good and brave Q
man for me to murder Let us forget
this affair and be friends again. Sir, il
you require it, I will apologize to you.


All the nobler and better instincts OF
the Commodore's nature were at once
aroused by those words.


Stretching out his hand he cordially
grasped Mr.. Turner's and exclaimed
with deep emotion, Sir, l am rejoiced
at the harmless termination of this affair
and more than that, L fully agree with
you as to the folly of the whole thing
nay, the criminality of the matter and
I am determined that this shall be the
last occasion in which figure as princi
pal-no matter what the provocation may
be. 1 accept your proffsred peace and
friendship in all earnestness, and assure
you that they are reciprocated with more
than usual interest. 1 am sorry for what
occurred. am compelled to condemn
my whole action in this matter. Refec.
ton gives no excuse for it. Though the
early and peculiar associations in which
was schooled, our present lawless sur
roundings, and the stormy passions tc
which we both yielded may be something
in palliation, yet they fall far short OF
justification.


Turner, shaking his hand with cordia
warmth. replied, "Mr. Garrison, YOU
sentiments are as wise and Just as they
are fearless and honorable and from this
day forth 1 approve of and adopt them.
Let me beg of you that this days trans
actions shall be buried in oblivion,
whereupon they returned to the city
Subsequently they both removed to Sar
Francisco. But from that day forth they
were warm and devoted friends.-&
| Louis Journal.
Year: 1873

A very humorous event occurred on
Main street Saturday afternoon. A
flock of sheep were going along the
street in one direction, and drove of
cattle in another. The latter so discon-
certed the former as to drive them in
every direction. This disturbance
greatly aroused the combative propen-
sites of sturdy ram that had strayed
on to the sidewalk, and had his attention
momentarily attracted by certain varie-
ties in the windows, at which we may
suppose he looked very sheepishly.
Passing by glass door, he espied his
own reflection in the glass, and, not be-
ing well posted in optics, he imagined
that some other rascally ram had placed
himself there in belligerent attitude.
This was too much for his proud and
resentful spirit, and collecting all his
physical force he made desperate leap
with the intention of butting out the
brains of his antagonist. He dashed
through the glass at one bound as easily
as circus equestrian could jump
through the silk paper that covers the
space inclosed by the circumference of
hoop, and alighted in the store, the
glass offering no resistance to his hardy
head.


We leave the reader to imagine how
the parties within were surprised at the
abrupt arrival of such strange custom
er. But the people outside were at first
not less surprised to conceive the cause
that prompted the animal to perform
such a gymnastic feat without any ap,
parent provocation. Lexington Press.
Year: 1873

DRUNKENNESS A DISEASE. The we'll
known DR.. Willard Parker, of New York,
lately delivered an address before the
National Temperance Society. What
this experienced and able physician says
upon the subject of intemperance is en-
titled to very great weight, for the reason
that to his ordinary medical experience
is added that of many years care of in
ebriates. The doctor has come to the
conclusion that drunkenness is a disease !;
that a drunkard cannot control his appe-
tite, and that he will hence drink ut all
hazards. The doctor ranks alcohol
among the poisons; as poisonous as
arsenic or belladona, and as surely de-
structive of life as these poisons. He
took the very unusual ground that the
purer the spirit the more deadly its
effect, and declared that if he were going
to use it he would prefer the adulterated
article. He declared that nothing is
harmless in which there is alcohol. In
lager there is three to four per cent. of
alcohol in ale seven to eight; in wine
twenty-three in gin ffty-one in brandy
fifty-three, and in cider two to three per
cent.
Year: 1873

The following notes on the subject of
tea-making were sent us by lady who
has kept house for forty-fve years, and
has zealously studied and practiced the
art of making good tea and coffee. Her
opinions may be considered heretical,
but we consider it certain that she knows
how to make good tea:


81 oppose the so often vaunted rules,
which direct us to put our tea-leaves in
the pot, and after pouring boiling water
over them, to pour the tea Immediately
into the cups. This practice may still do
in China or Russia, where they use none
but the finest qualities of teas, and it
might possibly have answered i'll this
country before the art of adulteration
was understood so well. The idea which
is so often advanced, thatit spoils break
fast-tea to let it boil or steep any length
of time after the boiling water is poured
on it, is most erroneous one. don't
approve of stewing tea, but do not con-
slider breakfast-tea Cno matter how fine
its quality that has not had or min
utes' slow boiling, to be fit for use."
Year: 1873

A CALIFORNIA law court is asked to de-
eide question of inheritance in family
which got itself mixed up in the follow
ing manner, as related in local chroni-
Gle: The father separated from his wife
several years ago and went to Kansas.
The wife followed her husband and set
tied near him. The son of this couple
parted from his wife, who married again,
her husband being her step-mother's s
brother. Her husband died, however.
and she was subsequently married to her
first husbands father. As the matter
stands now, the old gentleman is STEP
father to his grandson the sons former
wife is his step-mother, and his own son
is his step-brother, and the fathers wife
is his daughter-in-law.
Year: 1873

The President has signed the bill to
encourage the growth of timber on the
Western prairies. 1t provides that any
person who shall plant and protect, and
keep in healthy growing condition for
ten years, forty acres of timber trees
thereon, not being more than twelve feet
apart each way, on any quarter section
of any public lands of the United States,
shall be entitled to patent for the
whole of said quarter section at the end
of the ten years, on making proof of the
fact by not less than two creditable wit
nesses. The bill further provides that
each and every person who under the
pre-emption and homestead laws, hay
ing homestead, and who at the end of
the third year of his or her residence
thereon shall have had under cultivation
an acre of timber trees thereon, not
more than twelve feet apart each way
and in good and thrifty condition, for
each and every one hundred and sixty
acres of homestead, shall, on the proof
of two creditable witnesses, receive pat
ent for the said homestead, and that
none of the lands shall become liable for
the satisfaction of any debt or debts
contracted before
Year: 1873

A MOST frightful desecration of the
New England Sabbath occurred at Chi
copee, Mass, recently. The State Con-
stables, not appearing to comprehend
the religious duty of eating baked beans
on the Sabbath, actually went about in
the morning and closed all the bakeries,


with the beans intended for many a
domestic dinner left in the ovens The
moral lesson of the morning sermon, if
it happened to be against profane swear
ing, must have been, we fancy, strange
ly disregarded by the head of many a
hungry family. There was an equal
scarcity of brown bread, and altogether
we suspect that the Sabbath in Chico
pee, on that occasion, was hardly a
sweet day of rest.-Ne,O York Tribune.
Year: 1873

By remarkable train of circum-
stances, Commodore G. X. Garrison, the
New York millionaire, at an early period
of the gold fever became not only citi-
zen of Panama but the leading banker of
that place in fact, the commanding
figure of the Isthmus. Among other
strange characters precipitated on this
neck of the continent by the startling
discoveries of gold in California and the
tidal wave of emigration that it started
from every conceivable quarter of the
globe, was Capt. vi Turner, from the
District of Columbia, slim, wiry man,
of delicate profile, with Byronic halt
in his walk, but enterprising, brave, and
impetuOus to fault-and withal gener-
Gus and magnanimous beyond express
sion.


On some business or social occasion,
no matter which, they came in collision.
High and angry words ensued ; and Tur-
ner in his vengeful mood sent peremp-
tory challenge to the Commodore to meet
him in mortal combat at the earliest pos
sible moment. Garrison was the tempered
steel to Turner's flint and without a
moments hesitation he named pistols, on
the beach of Panama, at o'clock on the
ensuing morning.


The mediation of mutual friends was
of no avail. They were both fearless and
exasperated, and under the circumstances
saw no other mode of redress. But
in palliation of all this we should bear in
mind the peculiar temperaments and
early training of the men, and remember
that this occurred in foreign land dur
ing strange upheaval and half demoral-
ization of society, and took place nearly
a quarter of century ago.


The expected meeting was soon noised
abroad, and the character and celebrity
of the men added intensity to the excite
ment prevailing throughout the city.


Turner, like the Commodore, grasped
the possibilities of passing events, and
resolving to garner from the harvest at
hand, became citizen of Panama, and
embarked in the business of transport
ing passengers from Chagres (the then
Atlantic port) to Panama, and vice versa,
as the case might be. This business,
together with his nationality, often
brought him in close communication with
Commodore Garrison, and they soon be-
came warm personal friends. For as !
have said, they were both men of pecu-
liar rganization-men of keen intellect
and sagacious brains, yet generous heart
ed and impulsive, though quiet tempered
and brave to fault. They were alike,
and yet not alike. Something like flint
and steel-adamantine in their qualities
harmless when passive, yet fiery and
deadly when brought in violent contact.


As both were in deadly interest they
applied themselves with all seriousness
to the practical preparations before them
not forgetting any of its fearful and
possible contingencies. Friends and
weapons were to be provided, business
settled up, papers destroyed, letters writ.
ten, and wills made Both intent on
these varied preparations, busted them.
selves during the tropical afternoon and
even after night, when the full-orbed
moon threw her silver effulgence owe,
land and sea, where hurrying here and
there in anxious preparation for the
morning drama.
Year: 1873

Now IS the delightful season when
newspaper laureates pay up what is
"Ode to Spring" Following the uni
versal custom, we quote


"The first bird of spring


Came forth for to sing,


But ere he had uttered note,


He fell from the limb,


A dead bird was him;


The music had friz in his throat"
Year: 1873


l met him in the cars


Where resignedly he sat;
His hair was all of dust,
And 80 was his crayat;
He was furthermore embellisheJ.
BY a ticket in his hat.
The conductor touched his arm,
And awoke him from nap;
When he gave the sleeping flies
An admonitory slap,
And his ticket to the man
In the yellow-lettered cap.
SO launching into talk,
We ratified on our way,
With illusions to the crops
That along the meadows lay
Whereupon his eyes were lit
With speculative ray.
The heads of many men
We're bobbing as in sleep,
And many babies lifted
Their voices up to weep;
While the coal dust darkly fell
On bonnets in heap.
All the while the swaying cars
Kept rumbling DER the rail,
And the frequent whistle sent
Shrieks of anguish to the gale,
And the cinders pattered down
On the grimy floor like hail.
When suddenly jar,


And thrice repeated bump,
Made the people in alarm
From their easy cushions jump;
For they deemed the sounds to be
The inevitable trump.
A splintering crash below,
A doom-foreboding twitch,
As the tender gave a lurch
Beyond the flying switch
And mangled mass of men
Lay writhing in the ditch.
With palpitating heart
My friend essayed to rise;
There were bruises on his limbs
And stars before his eyes,
And his face was of the hue
Of the dolphin when it dies.



/ was very well content
In escaping with my life;
But my mutilated friend
Commenced legal strife
Being thereunto melted
By his lawyer and his wife.
And he writes me the result,
In his quiet way as follows:
That his case came up before
A bench of legal scholars,
Who awarded him his claim
OF ST. 800!
Year: 1873

HERE is something new. An inventor
has attached to pair of barber's shears
to an elastic hollow ball, which is COM
pressed by the operation of cutting; and
a current of air, forced out from the ball,
is directed along the edges of the blades
and blows away the fragments of hair
rs fast as they are cut.
Year: 1873

KATE FIELD is now one of the editors
of the New York Herald, moving the
Star to exclaim: "What would the
old man have said to such an innovation
as that? And how the fair Catherine
would have enjoyed the editorial council
of long agor Hair-pins and bodices,
what row there would have been y
Year: 1873

A Newark Imitator OF tho Notorious


"Wes'' Aller-Hc Chops His Thumb OF


Rather Than DO Any Work.


One OF the most noted and daring thieves in
New Jersey Is now confined In the State Prison at
Trenton. His name Is Michael Kane. resident Of
Newark. He was sentenced to ten years in State
Prison only o few months ago by Judge
Clifford in Newark, for robblng Broad
street dry goods store. The detectives who
went to search his house for the stolen plunder
had very narrow escape from being blown to
atoms. An open keg OF powder lay loosely under
the counter OF Kane's place. and they were given
rickety Kerosene lamp TO explore with. Fortu-
nately they discovered the powder In time
TO prevent ignition, and SO a terrific ex-
plosiOn was avoided Ever since Kane's arrival
at State Prison he has been source of great
trouble to the authorities there. He refused point
blank to do any work, and not even the ball and
chain, with scant diet, nor the dungeon could
6WarVe him on this point Say what the Keepers
would and do what they might Kane would not
work. Finally, on being set at work in
the shoe department, he gave fearful evidence OF
his brute pluck and stY1p9Tp spirit BY delberatey
ChOppng or his own thumb-the thumb on the left
hand. He threatened further that, IL they drove
him to work again, he would cut his own head of.
There was quite number OF people In Newark
cruel enough to say that Mike could scarcely do o
Citizens. Meanwhile kane is in the hospital, but
the prison authorities are determined to make him
toe the mark yet.