Year: 1876

K u ssen6 ssr75 IA I III N sos ~
beins .ors,Isd ~ i H. kclf ~ liag fhs
door and NJ Eiine - admdte shoul ln0t
Be- allowed y III Up sdccs ~ sni1de
and show to Ne world fhat thsy wess net
afraid of death. Ha person would rather
die than live, it is their mstter they ~
running the dying business and It = one
ofthose things that tie public has no right
to beoveruice sbedt , But Tie worst ofall,
Is this proyidsntial interisreace - \ =
called, which makes the wcuid-he suicide
misthe throat and cut ont = piece Of the
ear, Of miss the head and put = bullet in
some part Of the anatomy whore twill do
the least harm. This il very much like
some Of the auels We hear Of The two
combstants, red nosed old gentlemen, who
stand upon their dignity, march out TO
the woods, accompanied by . few others
fire harmless shot into the trees and
declared their honor as satisfied. Some Of
the would-be suicides feel that their griev-
ances have all been atoned by an unsuo-
cessful attempt, regret the rash act and
desire to live on with the rest Of mankind.
But the suicide who is determined to die
presents longing toform the acquaintance
Of other worlds peoples that would make
the staider members Of society regard
them as very fast. In Wisconsin, girl,
bright, pretty and healthy has just sue
ceeded in bringing about her quietus after
the third trial. The laudanum was pump
ed out successfully the first time, and the
second time the PSussic acid did not do its
work worth a cent, for the doctor came again
with that awful locking pump and ty mus
Gle and suction force soon had her pumped
out as dry as mill creek in July. But
the most annoying in the list Of hard
getting out of the world, comes from Eng
land. She was determined to die, but she
wore charmed life and could not die, al
though she tried as hard as any one could
to shuttle off this mortal coil. First, she
went into the back yard and drew an aw-
full circle of gun-powder around her, and
there she stood in the centre like resign
ed martyr waiting patiently for the time to
come when she would be blown into
another world, but the gun-powder just
ran around her in squizzling way, and
she opened her eyes to find that nothing
had happened, and that she was not
corpse yet. Then she bit her fnger-nails
and thought over the matter that if she
was going to bid adieu to
old England in that way she
had better make clean, neat job Of it;
and then she bought a pound Of canister
powder. This she placed in bucket out
in the wood-shed. She put her head in
this bucket and applied the match. There
was an explosion, fearful lot Of smoke
and the woman, Oh where was she? Sit
ting on the ground, rubbing the powder
out of her eyes. The only thing that was
ended by it was the wood-shed, and that
was blown out of existence But she was
to 60 to that great undiscov-
cred bourne from which no traveller re-
turns, and if not by gun-powder by some
other agent. So she sought ont a shoe
makers knife and plunged it into her
body; but not even then was she finished,
and while in the act of making another
effort kind providence interposed, in the
shape of neighbors, who took her in charge,


and she soon will be we'll again and ready


for another attack. Thus it seems per-


son will not be let alone to do their own


work. Somebody interferes and spoils


nice job, that would have helped the cor


oner out and furnished the newspapers


with an item worth a big display head


But the suicide is generally subtle crea-


ture and gets ahead of life in the end.


A MAN is never known until he is nomi-


mated for Office. Then the scribes of the


newspapers tear him limb from limb and