Year: 1873

lnls uOrulnR anu pStC lNSu an ouiaSS-
GUS insult to my deceased relative, and |
have come around to demand, sir, what
do you mean by the following Infamous
language:


+" The death angel smote Alexander MeGluo


And gave him protracted repose;
He wore checked shirt and number nine shoe.


And he had pink wart on his nose
No doubt he is happier dwelling in space.


Over there on the evergreen shore.
His friends are informed that his funeral takes


Precisely at quarter past four
This is simply diabolical My late
brother had no wart on his nose. He
had upon his nose neither pink wart,
nor q green wart, nor a cream-colored
wart nor wart Of any other color. 1t
is a slander. 1t is gratuitous insult to
my family, and distinctly want you to
say what you mean by such conduct?''
Really, sir" said Brimmer. at is
a mistake. This is the horrible work of
an incendiary whom | trusted as broth
err He shall be punished by my own
hand for this outrage. A PINK wart
Awful, sir, awful The miserable scoun-
drel shall suffer for this


"How could / know" murmured OFT,
out there by himself, "that the corpse
had not pink wart? | used TO know
man named McGlue and he had one and
thought all the MeGlues had one. This
comes from irregularities in families"


And who, said another man author
lied you to print this bideous stuff about
my deceased son? Do you mean to say
it was not with your authority that your
low comedian inserted with my adver-
tisement the following scandalous bur
lesque? Listen to this:
+" Willie had a purple monkey climbing on a yellow


stick,


And when he sucked the paint all off it made him
And in his latest hours, the clasped the monkey in


his hand,


And bid good bye to earth and went into better


land


Oil No more he'll shoot his sister with his little


wooden gun;


And no more he'll twist the pussys tail and make


her yowl for fun.
The pussys tail now stands outstraight; the gun is


laid aside: MAN..
The monkey doesn't jump around since little Willie


died"


The utterly atrocious character Of this
balderdash will appear when say that
William was twenty years old; that he
never had o purple monkey on stick
that he never sucked such a thing that
he never fooled with cats, and that he
died of liver complaint"


Infamous !-utterly infamous!" groan-
ed the editor as he cast his eyes over the
lines. "And the wretch who wrote this
still lives 1t is too much"


" And yet, whispered OFT to himself,
:" he told me to Tighten the gloom and to
cheer the afflicted family with the re-
sources of my art; and / certainly
thought that the idea about the monkey
would have that effect somehow 1t is
ungrateful."


just then knock was heard at the
door, and woman entered crying.


"Are you the editor +" she inquired
of Brimmer.


Brimmer said be was.


W-well, J" she said, in voice broken
by sobs, "wh-wbat d'you mean by pub
fishing this kind Of poetry ab-bout my
Johnny My name is Sm-mith, and,
when | looked this morning for the no.
tice of Johnny's d-death in your paper,
I saw this awful, wicked verse


-Four doctors tackled Johnny Smith


They blistered and they bled him


With squils and anti bilious pills


And ipecac they fed him


They stirred him up with ealomel.


And tried TO move his liver;


But all in vain--his little soul


Was waited Ger the river"


:" 1t is false it is false that's what 1T
il. Johnny only had one doctor. And
they didn't try TO m-m.move his liver,
and they didn't bl-bleed him and b-blister
him. It's wicked falsehood, and you
are hard-hearted brute flor printing
It'll"


MADAM I shall go crazy if you con-
tinue," exclaimed Brimmer. "This is
not my work. 1t is the work of SER
pent whom have warmed in my bosom,
and whom l will slay with my own hand
as soon as he comes in. Madam the
miserable outcast shall diel


"Strange - strange mused OFT.
" And this man told me to combine ele-
waiting sentiment with practical informa-
tion. If ipecac is not practical, have
misunderstood the use of that word.
And if young Smith didn't have four
doctors it was an outrage. He ought to
have had them and they ought to have
excited his liver. Thus it is" thought
OFT, "that human life is sacrificed to
carelessness."


At this juncture the sheriff entered,
his brow clothed with thunder. He had
copy of the Morning Glory in his
hand. He approached the editor, and
pointing to death notice, said


I" Read that horrible mockery of my
woe and tell the name Of the writer, so
that l can chastise him."


The editor read as follows:


I'VE have lost our little Hannah in very pain
And we mnRpsi haVs often asked how can her harsh


sufferings be borne r


When her death was first reported her aunt got


up and snorted


With the grief that she supported, for il made


her feel tOrlorn.


She was a little seraph. that her father. who is
Really doesn't seem to care if he never smiles in
She has gone. We hopoto heaven, at the early age
Funeral starts of at eleyenl where she'll never


more have pain


GAS a consequence of this infamy, /
withdraw all the county advertising
from your paper. A man who will tri-
fie in this manner with the feelings of a
parent is savage and scoundrel y


As the sheriff went out Brimmer plae-
ed his head on the table and groaned.


Really" Mr.. OFT reflected " that
person must be deranged. l tried in his
case to put myself in his place, and to
write as if L was one of the family.