smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1873

MANAGING A HUSBAND. =" How do you
manage your husband, Mrs Croaker
Such a job as l have of it with Smith -


Easiest thing in the world, my dear
give him twitch backwards when you want
him to go forward. For instance, you see
to-day had loaf of cake to make. Well
do you suppose because my body was in the
pastry room, that my soul need be there
too? Not bit of it I'm thinking of all
sorts of celestial things the while Now,
Croaker has way of tagging round at nv
heels, and bringing me plump down in the
midst of my aerial fights, by asking me the
price of the sugar I'm using.


We'll. you see. it drives me frantic. and
when | woke up this morning and saw this
furious storm, knew had him on nv
hands for the day, unless managed right
so told him | wouldn't think of going out
to catch his death such weather; that if he
wasn't capable Of taking proper care Of him.
SELF should do it for him that it was very
lonesome, rainy days, and that wanted him
to stay at home, and talk to me; at any rate
he mustn't 60 out, and / hid his umbrella
and India-rubbers. Well, of course. he was
right up on end Gust as ! expected \ and in
less than FIVE minutes he was streakinp off
down street at the rate OF ten knots an hour
You see there's nothing like understanding
human nature; no woman should be married
till she is thoroughly posted up in this branch
of her education"
Year: 1873

YOUTHFUL DEPRAvITY.-The Danbury
Ne,ps tells the following story of the sad
consequences of boyish mischief:


A rather contemplate trick was played
on one of our young clerks Sunday night.
He bought cut-glass bottle of cologne,
with glass stopper and pink ribbon, to
present-to young lady he is keeping COM
pany with, but on reaching the house he
felt little embarrassed for fear there were
members of the family present, and so left
the beautiful gift on the stoop and passed
in. The movement was perceived by a
graceless brother of the young lady, who
appropriated the cologne for his own use,
and re6lled the bottle with hartshorn from
the family jar, and then hung round to OBJ
serve the result. In a little while the young
man slipped out on the stoop, and securing
the splended gift, slipped back again into
the parlor, where, with few appropriate
words, he pressed it upon the blusIlng girl
Like the good and faithful daughter that
she was she at once hurried into her pres
ence of her mother, and the old lady was
charmed. They didn't put up scent-stuff
like that when she was girl; it was kept
in china tea cup, and it was kept togeth-
er with samples OF all the familys hair. But
she was very much pleased with it. She
drew out the stopper, laid the beautiful pet
ais of her nostris over the aperture, and
fetched pull at the contents, that fairly
made them bubble. Then she land the bot
tie down. and picked up a brass mounted
fire shovel instead, and said she as soon as
she could say anything "Where is that
sinking brat?" And he, all unconcious of
what had happened, was in front of the mir
ror adjusting his necktie and smiling at him
self. And here she found him, and said to
him: "Oh, you are laughing at the trick on
an old woman. are you, you wall-eyed leper."
And then she basted him one on the ear
And he being by nature more elegant with
his legs than his tongue. hastened from
there bowling like mad, and accompanied
to the gate by that brass mounted shovel.
He says he would give everything on earth
if he could shake off the impression that a
mistake had been made.
Year: 1873

CLAIRvoYANCE.-Gerald Massey, the we'll
known poet in recent lecture at st.
Georges Hall, London, said that some twen-
ty-two years ago he was invited to see a
clairvoyant read without the use of her eyes.
He was asked to place his fingers over her
eyes, so as to prevent her from being able
to see. He knew so little of what was ex-
pected of him, that he placed his fingers so
wide apart that she could see between them.
This lady afterward became his wife, and he
found that this reading by abnormal vision
was fact. He had never properly under
stood it before. Since, then, however,
he had seen her read SO hundreds of times,
and convince hundreds of people.


Not only did she read books in this man.
ner. but the human body itself appeared dia-
phanous to her. She had been made use of
in hospitals to diagnose diseases and pre-
scribe for them. Her power was just the
same, whether her eyes were bandaged or
not; in fact if the eyes Of the flesh were
open, she could not see at all. A young
man once asked her if she could see the
pain he had. She said he must have suffer-
ed a fracture Of the rib, as one bone was
overlapping another. The young replied
that he had suffered such fracture, and
that he had always feared that the bones
had not been properly set On another oc-
casion an officer came with a friend. He
was dressed as private gentleman. He had
lost carpet bag, and wanted to know if it
could be found by means of clairvoyance.
She described the bag and contents, among
other things brace of curious silver mount
ed pistols of Indian workmanship, then a
something she could not identify. Turning
to the officer she uttered a scream. He wore
an artificial arm. His own, which he had
lost in action, was in the bag, and that was
what she had described.


One morning on waking up at seven
o'clock, she informed her husband that his
mother was dead. On being questioned as
to how she knew, she said that she had seen
the black-edged letter put under the bed
room door, At eight o'clock Mr.. Massey
himself saw the letter containing the sad an
nouncement put under the Chicago
Tribune.
Year: 1873

The COLORADO DESERT AS AN INLAND
SEA. = Could the Colorado Desert be
again filled with water? 1t is an interest
ing question. From the Gulf of California,
it is probably an impossibility. The grad
ual sitting up of the old gulfbed at the
mouth of the river, and the drift of sand by
the wind, have interposed barrier too ex-
tensive to be easily removed By turning
the Colorado River into the desert it might
be accomplished. The project has for
years been discussed, of taking enough
water from the river to irrigate stretch of
fertile land, alluvial deposit, found at the
southern end of the desert; but the idea of
going further than this, of diverting the
river into the desert and forming a large
fresh-water lake, seems never to have been
broached. Nature, unassisted, is now at
tempting this. The drift of sand through
the prevailing western wind, is from the
desert toward the east. This drift has
kept the river walled in upon the east side
of the valley, and has apparently constantly
forced it further in that direction. Could
that desert be refilled with water-convert-
ed from dry, hot sand to an inland lake
the very heat which is reflected from the
barren mountain-sides around would be a
power of good instead of evil The con-
slant evaporation would render heat latent
which is now active thus lowering the an
nual temperature very perceptibly. This
lowering of temperature alone, even if unac-
companied by an increase of moisture in the
air. would give greater rainfall by the
more perfect condensation which it would
cause. But the evaporation from the sur
face of the lake would naturally augment
the supply of vapor in the rain-currents,
thus acting in double Manner decrease
of temperature and an increase of moisture
for precipitation. These rain-currents
would also meet with less difficulty in max
ing their way against the ocean winds-as
the winds, caused largely by the heat of the
desert, would be less violent-and would,
therefore, with more certainty and regular
ity deposit their supply of moisture over the
plains of Los Angeles, San Bernardino. and
San Diego. When it is considered that
every additional inch of rain is worth mil
lions of dollars to these southern counties,
the value of such change in quantity and
certainty of fall may be readily appreciated
From "1Ae Colorado Desert" in the
Overland Monthly f0r. January
Year: 1873

WHERE THE Sun DOES. Nor SET
A scene witnessed by some travellers
in the North of Norway, from cliff
one thousand feet above the sea, is thus
described:


"The ocean stretched away in silent
vastness at our feet; the sound of
waves scarcely reached our airy look
out; away i'll the North the huge old
sun swung low along the horizon, like
the slow beat of the pendulum in the
tall clock Of our grandfather's parlor
corner. We all stood silent, looking
at our watches. When both hands
came together at twelve, midnight,
the full round orb hung triumphantly
above the waves, a bridge of gold run
ming due North spanning the water
between us and him. There he shone
in silent majesty, which knew no set
ting. We involuntarily took off our
hats; no word was said. Combine, if
YOU can, the most brilliant sunrise
and sunset you, ever saw and the beau
ties will pale before the gorgeous col
oring which now lit up ocean, heaven
and mountain. In half an hour the
sun had swung up perceptibly on his
beat, the colors changed to those OF
morning, a fresh breeze rippled over
the flood, one songster after another
piped up in the grove behind us-we
had slid into another day.
Year: 1873

of making friends whowould be think
ing of her fortune. AS it was, she
had no fear of those who loved her,
for it must be for herself. TO every
ones surprise, and especially my own,
she left all her money to me-. | had
felt poverty so deeply; had been hu-
inflated and sighted through it SO
often by my fathers richer family,
that, notwithstanding tile desire l had
for wealth, directly l had this, and
saw all my former tormentors crowd
ing around me with congratulations, l
became frightened of it. foresaw
that I should become like my poor
friend, distrustful of all mankind, and
then l determined to follow her ex-
ample, and hide my wealth, at least
until should be assured OF one true
heart. My aunt was only too glad to
allow the report to be spread that the
money was hers, and has quite en-
joyed the prestige and the admiration
and attention she has excited. | did
not expect to leave off masquerading
so soon, but then I did not so soon
expect to meet the true heart that
was to release me. Will you forgive
the deception? KATE"


The next morning at sunrise Kate
and her lover met, and there he told
her had he known she was such rich
woman he never should have told his
love; so Of course he forgave her
stratagem.


Needless to say that Mr.. Fred Al
colt did not 6" go for the other party"
He quietly disappeared when they
landed at Liverpool, but it is in his
conviction that "Graham is a deep
card" and knew what he was about
all the while. He does not believe in
disinterestedness himself.
Year: 1873

A gay party was assembled on the
deck Of an outgoing Cunarder, and
among those who were discussing
their fellow passengers were Henry
Graham and his friend Fred Alcott,
both going to take their first glimpse
of Old World life.


Fred Was already acquainted by
sight with most Of the passengers, and
could point out to Henry Graham,
who had come on board at the last
minute, those most likely to interest
them during the voyage.


"Who is that party with pale blue
cashmere wrapper? An excellent color
to meet the sea- breeze ill.," added
Henry Graham, laughing.


"Shesis the great catch, Miss Miller !;
she is worth half a million, they say.
If she were only Il shade less washed
out l should try to share it. Anyway
/ am on the lookout for al introduc-
ton. a little Irritation can do no
harm, and will wake the good soul up.
It is too bad she is so old. The idea
of leaving money to such q being as
that when there was that splendid
niece in the family" said Fred, in
disgust.


"Console yourself. With little OF
your waking up and in any other
color than pale blue, the good lady
may look better. At all events, halt
million ought to be rouge to her
checks and brightness to her eyes"


"You may laugh as you please, but
it would be very pleasant to help a
nice girl spend that much. Look, there
is her niece, byJove! 1t is enough
to make a man swear to see a lovely
girl like that without cent, and an
old maid like her aunt just to have
come into so much money"


"Well, if you are smitten with the
niece, can't you make up your mind
to try if she'll have you You have
money enough for both"


No, thank you; | have my future
to look to. Look at her! Isn't she
splendid 2"


Henry, who had been gazing int
| the sea, turned as Fred spoke, ant
Year: 1873

An editor in a country town lost an
umbrella. He published a notice say
ing that lie knew the thief but would
not expose him if he would send anew
umbrella in place of the stolen one.
The next dag the editor received thir-
tv-scven new umbrellas. The town
was not Il large one either. .-m
Year: 1873

A Pottsville man, who says he hasn't
attended church for twenty years,
boasts that he can remember perfectly
the preachers text on the last OCCASION
of visit to the sanctuary. And this
is the way he remembered it, when
asked what it was: at is easier for
Il camel to enter ii circus, than for q
man to eat a package Of needles
Year: 1873

: A totally depraved Kentucky boy
recently threw handful Of cartridges
into the coal scuttle at church and
watched the effect. Presently the fire
was replenished, and the cartridges
went off and also the minister and
congregation.
Year: 1873

An engaged young gentleman got
rather neatly out Of Il little scrape with
his intended. She taxed him with hav-
ing kissed two ladies at some party at
which she was not present. He owned
it, but said that their united ages only
made twenty-one. The simple minded
girl thought of ten and eleven and
laughed off her pout. He did not ex-
plain that one was nineteen and the
other two years Of age. Wasn't it art
full?
Year: 1873

She is perfectly willing to help
She tells her mother she would just
as lief stay home a week as not, and
informs her teacher, with semi
triumphant air, that she has to stay
home next week to help clean hopse,


The carpets are to be taken up first,
and that girl, delicately reared though
she be, braVely sits down in the mid
die of the floor and reads q paper
while her mother and hired girl take
out the tacks and make frantic efforts
to use the same form of common pray
er that the head of the house uses
when his boots don't come on easily
in the morning.


The carpet is rolled up and taken
out into the back yard and hung on
the clothes line to be busted. Now
the girl comes cut strong and shows
the latent energy that 10 in her. She
seizes an old broom and starts toward
the swinging carpet with an air of
determination. On her way she spies
her friend Kate passing and goes of
to the side fence TO talk about an hour
and a half abOut-well, about what
ever girls do talk uHder the same Cir
cumstances. Then she goes into the
house and eats her dinner and COM
plains of being tired. f.t.5...


In the afternoon she begins dusting
and arranging the books in the book
case. She finds, pretty soon, one of
OVida's novels, and sits down on the
floor to read, while the ink, from q
bottle she knocks over when she
throws her duster on the table, runs
all over the parlor curtains stuffed
under the chair near by. Her mother
find her there, and sends her into the
parlor to gather up her music ready
for to-morrow's campaign. She gets
along we'll. enough With her finger ex.
ercises and marches, but presently
she comes across "Don't be angry
with me, Darling" that Robert gave
her last week, and begins to hum it.
She opens the piano to find the key
note, to be certain she can take the
high note nicely, and begins to sing.
1t don't sound well without the ac-
compartment that Robert thought
was SO sweet, SO she sits down and
begins to play. While she is prac-
tising Robert comes along. He hears
her. He stops. He enters. She stops.
He wants to hear that sweet song.
Came in only for that. She is too
hoarse. She couldn't think Of sing
ing with her hair tied up in towel,
but she does. At -


Robert sighs as the song ends, and
she proposes a game of croquet. They
go out and play croquet till tea-time.
-Ierre HdWte free Press.
Year: 1873

l confess was very angry. Well,
may as well begin at the beginning and
tell you the whole story. When ]
married Tom Wilkins all my friends
said [ had made fool of myself
really thrown myself away with
nv advantages, too, 1 should have
done 30 much better, and much more
to the same purpose. Well, to be
sure, Tom is a big, stupid fellow,
neither rich nor handsome, bat loved
him, and what other excuse does a
woman need for an act of folly? But
Tom had one fault that troubled me
greatly,-he was a most inVeterate
kisser. Before we were married he
used to kiss all the girls that visited
his sister, and afterwards he kissed all
my old school friends who came to
the house, and even kissed mother,
and you must concede that a man is a
great kisser who would kiss his
mother-in-law. Well, all this bore
in silence, if not with patience, till
one morning, coming out of my room,
what should l see but Tom at the
head of the stairs actually kissing
Sarah Ann, the hired girl. That was
little more than human nature, or al
least, woman nature could bear.
sat down till 1 had recovered myself
little, and allowed Tom time to
reach the dining groom. When at last
l went down, he advanced with his
usual smile to kiss me, but l drew
back angrily.


"What, Jessie, what's the matter p
he said, looking surprised, ''am moi
to have kiss this morning 2"


GAS you have already had the pleas
ure of kissing Sarah Ann think that
will do for one morning. should
not fancy the flavor of your kiss aftcl
that" -


Tom actually blushed. 90, you saw
that, did you, Jessie2 Well, where's
the great harm in that It's my motto
to imbibe sweetness wherever L find
it."


"Well, fancy you did not imbibe
great deal from that source, and the
harm is that it lowers your dignity al
head of the family, besides giving the
Year: 1873

A Coop ACr.-The act for the suppression
of obscene literature, which was passed by the
42d Congress, if carried into execution, will
prove Of inestimable benefit to the morality Of
the community at large but laws lik" pie
crust are so frequently made but to be broken,
that we can hardly hope for as good results as
might be expected. The act, to be sure,
covers ample ground, the penalties for its
violation are distinctly stated and it but remains
to be seen whether there will be sufficient force
in our prosecutors to carry it out. If they do,
two lucrative advertising columns of a certain
morning journal will have to be discontinued :;
for, certainly, the Personals" " and Medical
advertisements come NEST distinctly under sec
tion l4S OF the act, which says that there shall
not pass through the mail nor be delivered
"any advertisement or notice of any kind Civ
ing information, directly or indirectly, where,
or how, or of'whom, or by means either of the
things above mentioned may be obtained oil
made is to say, obscene, lewd OF
lascivious book, pamphlet, picture, paper
print or other publication of an indecent char
Scter, or any article or thing designed o
intended for the prevention OF conception o
procuring of abortion, nor any article or thin


intended or adapted for any indecent or im
moral use or nature. This clearly aud dis


tinctly closes the Personal" and Medical


columns, and if it will but have as good a


effect in the other cases it is intended to reach


We may heartily thank Congress for the act


Ne,o York Express.
Year: 1873

TRAPEZE ACCIDENT IN PHILADELPHIA
The Philadelphia Rcss gives an account of the
trapeze accident which occurred at the Grand
Central Theatre in that city last "Wednesday
night, to the boy gymuast Leo. A portion OF
the performance consists Of the two adult per-
formers hanging head downward from the
uspeze, while the boy Leo stands upon trap
worked by pneumatic pressure, which shoots
him up about thirty feet, where he is caught
BY the other performers The feat is very
dangerous one, aud last Wednesday evening its
execution came very near resulting fatally. 1t
is the duty Of one Of the attaches to give the
signal to the engineer beneath the stage and
explode quantity Of powder for scenic effect.
BY some mishap, on that evening, aud before
the boy was fairly in the trap, the signal was
given, aud unprepared for the propelling
power, the lad was sent about four feet into
the air. A part of the scene is an imitation O
amOrtar from which he is supposed to be fired
and as he was pushed up by the machinery be
fell back to the stage, striking his right leg OF
the edge of the mortar, breaking it above th'


knee.
Year: 1873

Our readers will remember how Mary Harris,
some four or FIVE years since, in Washington,
shot Treasury clerk because he would not
marry her, and how the murderer was acquit-
ted on the ground of insanity. This energetic
lnnatic has since been employed as a clerk in
the Patent Office, having, bec1me suddenly
sane enough for that avocatiou.. Still Miss
Mary is liable to little lspses into lunacy.
About week ago, she got together the neces,,
sary apparatus OF pistol, powder and ball, and
started to kill another man; but she was IN
time prevented from committing another homi-
eide, and is now in the Government Insane
Asylum, to the great relief, we should suppose,
OF oil the single manageable men in Wash
ington We shall not at this distance of time,
and with our inaecurate knowledge Of the facts,
pretend to quarrel with the verdict which sci
,his. murderer at large to kill more men


but here we have a striking example OF the
aosurdity Of acquitting murderers on che
ground Of insanity and of then letting them
loose to do the same thing over again wnen


ever moved thereto By passion or by deiuslon'
IN. Y. Tribune. ....e