Year: 1873

have come if it had been. I have been
nearly starved once Or twice, not daring
to leave my room. I can conuuer nv
madness now; the question is, how long
can continue to do So feel that il is
growing upon me. l feel my power of
resistance become weaker and weaker
the craving for blood getting stronger
and stronger. am like man who has
slipped over precipice, and feels the
earth and shrubs to which he clings,
slowly. slowly, surely, surely, giving way
with him. Ihave brought wretched ours
out OF the street, and killed them in my
frenzy, in the hope to exhaust it on them.
1t is no use. l must have human life.


Any human life?' inquired, sor some
one in particular!'


why do you ask this, Doctors? he
cried, getting suddenly excited.


No matter; go on.


Sometimes he resumed, dit seems
that any life would Go; and sometimes
Doctor, four days before saw you met,
upon New Jersey ferry boat, young
girl. SO pretty, so refined, and nice! I
followed her to her home-the devil, that
has taken possession of me, led me. She
went in, and soon came out again into
her little garden, and tended her flowers
poor child! Doctor, if had had pis-
tol with me l should have shot her. You
may smile; but some day soon I shall
take pistol on purpose, and shoot her ,


1T was clearly no use arguing with
him. The best way with such people is
to admit their facts and try to work
round them


"'Then,' said l, the only thing you
can do is to submit to the restriction of
an asylum, till this feeling has passed"


=" 1t will not pass If were to go to
mad house should sham sane. Sooner
or later their vigilance over me would be
relaxed. Then l should murder my
keeper, and go straight for that innocent
girl


Then leave the country


"'Well, that would save her; but, Doc
tor, one life is as dear to its holder as an
other. If don't kill her, | shall kill
some one else


My dear fellow replied, in as light
tone as could assume, these fancies
are durable. Put yourself under skilled
medical treatment. You are all to bits,
physically. Get sound in body, and you'll
get all right in your mind"


"'On the contrary, I'm all to bits, as
you say, mentally, and my body suffers
through my mind. Medical treatment!
l have consulted every practitioner of
note here and IN Europe. Some think
I'm fooling them, some look wise, and
talk as you do about treatment" All
have failed. Doctors are no use to me.


"'Then may l ask why you have come
heres'


To ask your advice as FRIEND he
answered, drawing his chair nearer to
me; and lowering his voice, to ask
you one question as friend and a God
fearing man, and to which pray you to
give me plain yes or no.


"'Go on


Feeling as I feel shall I be Justified
before God in taking my own life? Will
it be deadly sin for me to do for myself
what l would 60 to a mad dog?'


81 repeat his words almost as he spoke
them. l cannot give you the faintest
idea Of the solemn deliberation with
which he put this awful question. For
some moments i could not say word.
Then l started up and told him that I
would not answer him yes or n0--that it
was not fair to ask me to take such re-
sponsihility. Then he rose, too, and said
that he must resolve it for himself, and l
saw plainly which way it must go. Give
me till tomorrow to think il OUT said
OBTAINING him.


Tomorrow may be too late,' he re-
piled. The fit may come on to night for
all | know


"'Come home with me; I'm not afraid
You won't hurt me- said


1 would try very hard not to do So
butt know myself. l cannot trust my
self. Don't you trust me-


L 2cW trust you; but I'll do more.
\ ou are not armed, l supposes'


mo- he replied, with shudder, mot
now.'


1'll take care that you shall not be-
and I'll carry my Derringer in my pocket.
On the first indication of homicidal
mania give you my word I'll shoot-and
I'll shoot straight I said this to satisfy
him, poor fellow! In his weak state /
could have lain him down like child. 1t
did satisfy him, and we went home to-
gether. lied him to talk of our old SOL
diering days, and gradually got him back
to his wound. / made him describe the
first sensations of pain in his head, and
repeat all that his different medical
advisers had said. l happened
to have strong preparation
of hasheesh by me. l gave him a dose,
and whilst under its influence l carefully
examined his head. Now the head, you
must know, does not fatten or waste
away IN proportion TO Otner parts OF the
body. Still his had become mere skin
and bone; and this state, perhaps, gave
me an advantage over the others who had
made the same examination. At last l
felt, or thought felt faint twitching-
sort of abnormal pulsation about two
inches above the left ear 1t might be
merely nervousness, bit ts might be caused
6y the ball.


81 then set my mind to work, and
thought the whole case over steadily. In
the first place was that impulse to take
human life, of which my poor friend had
spoken, really uncomfortable. For exam
pie, suppose that one day he did take a
pistol 'on purpose, and 60 to- the young
lady's garden-would he shoot her? To
suppose that the insane mind never
changes its purpose, or turns from the
fell completion of its purpose is to say
| in other words that the insane mind is
stronger than the sane mind. If a man
with a freshly broken leg were to tell you
he was going to run foot race, you
would not believe him, because your
common sense revolts against the idea of
his running with a leg disabled. But if
one with his brain disabled declares that
he is going to do something dependent
upon the action of his mind, common
sense does not always argue so well.
Gin the second place, did my poor
friend, with his impaired means Of judg.