Year: 1870

was supporting both him and myself, / was still
very young and very proud and retlcent had
most unusual cheerfulness and elasticity OF temper
never should have lived through 80 heavy trials:
lie would lock himself into the room with me, and
tremest pr;de and prevepted me from
making my misery known. He brought home what
he pIofessed was prussic acid: and Threatened to
my scissors from my work basket, and, tearing open
his breast he would brandish them about, swearing
he would let out his hearts blood before me.
He told me then a shrinking GirD that he kent,
loaded pistols, with which he would at any moment
shoot me. He left me one evening, declaring he
should shoot gentleman because he had invited me
TO join himself and wife and another lady in party
to some public picture gallery, although l had the
most most general acquaintance with the party and re-
fused the invitation as soon made He rarely pro-
fesscd to be jealous of me, however. My conduct
gave him no shadow, of canse. ! owe it to myself
to say that in my long and painful life have
many happy women, shielded by home, by loving
and good husbands and all that protects and guards
a,, woman's honor, and that never have seen ono
to her welded vows than was to the unhappy mar-
riage relation in winch lived. under the projection
and again to leave the boarding houses called
homes to earn the means to pay for their shelter So
much l shall say, even at the risk of seeming
from Mr.. Mcfarland, when went alone to read in
public, my prudence protected me even from
gallantry or compliment, and made my successes
among the best and most conservative audiences.


One morning during this Winter which am now
describing after Mr.. Mcfarland had been out nearly





stood by the mirror finishing his toilet and began to
say something soothing to prevent the outburst Of
i'll temper which feared was soon coming. He
turned around and struck me blow across my face
which made me reel backward. Although he had
often pnched and bit me in some OF his hts OF drunk
enness he had never before struck me so cruel and
cold blooded blow. felt as shall never forget.
think an American woman does not easily forgive
a blow like that. At all events remember SAID to
to forgive you such an outrage" and think never
could forgive it. From that time took an entirely
different course with him when in of these furies
had shed great many tears under his cruelty, had
tried to reason with him, had tried entreaties and
persuasons After this whenever he was in one OF
his paroxysms-as he himself called them-I never
moved spoke but, keeping perfectly elf-controed
as far as could sat quiet always keeping my eye
on him because always fancied as long as looked
steadily at him he would not do me any mortal yio
lence And believe now as believed then, that
my life has been saved by this silence and sef-cOn-
troll. He has sometimes approached mo with his
were about to clutch my throat and cried, How
should hkelike to strangle you;" Or your life is
bound some time to end in tragedy" Or your blood
will be on your own head" and has, as think, been
restrained because simply looked at him without


I'm these furies he would often seize and break
anything which was at hand-.lamps, glasses, mir
rors and sometimes the heavier furniture OF the
room. Often he would rise from bed in these incon-
tTollabe attacks OF passion tearing away an the bed
throwing anything he could find which was break
able crashing about the unlighted room till it has
seemed to me as if there could be no Pandemoniqm
worse than that in which lived. And all this he
would do without explanation or even pretext FOR
complaint against me, and when l knew no more
what excited his frenzy than babe unborn.


He would sometimes keep up this conduct and tins
abuse for hours, without syllable or motion beng
made on my part, and wonld then burst INTO tears,
beg my pardon, say was the best woman who ever ever
lived and then 60 to sleep exhausted. never toll
him after this Winter that could forgive or could
love him, although he sometimes imploTed me to do
4 ~, frtt1 tIx
told him pitied him, which was true. Sometimes
he said Your id silence initiates me more than if
you talked but was sure ny course o Tas tine % Psss s
told Mrs. John +. Cleveland IA sister of Mr. Greeley,
who had been very kind to me in my DRAMATIC read
lands conduct to me. did not tell her ALL nor the
worst but told how he had struck me- principally
because was engaged to read at the house OF some
friends of hers evening or two after, ana feared
onv person to whom ever spoke Of Mr. Mcfarland
vi imam m m he Wner Of 1857 And
devoted all my womans skill and tact in hiding his
conduct from casual observers at our Doardnghouses
or elsewhere.


In the Spring of 1863, Mr. Mcfarland got appointed
TO n position in the office of one of the Provost
Marshals under the Enrollment act lWent to see
Mr. Greeley in company with his SISTER, MIS- teoe ee
influence f for Mr.. Mcfarland In doing SO acted
under Mr. McFarland's orders. and against my own
feelings which always reyolted at the IDEA OF seek
ing office for him. though he never scrupled to use
nv efforts As soon as he got this office ceased my
reading in public and my preparations Tor the stage,
and in the Spring after he was appointed went home
10 NV fathers and remained short time Then Nc
Farland summoned me to New-York with Percy, who
was i'll at the time and hardly able to travel. OBJ
jected to leaving home when he sent peremptorlly,
saying he would burn my. fathers house oyer my
head" if did not come: arrived IN New-i York IN
August and was there few weeks when the physl-
clan said Percy would die if he not sent back to
the country, and again returned to my d father & and
Y y tool In a f.NV
on Varickst., but removed, early In January,
to No. l6 Lamartne-place West Twenty-ninth-st:


During the Winter Of 1867 and 1867 had met Mrs n
she had shown me many and great kindnesses. She
had given her parlors for one OF my readings and
Mr. Mr. Me- McFariand received his appointment in the
Provost Marshars office she used her influence and
her husbands influence to get him appointed: NO
person living has stronger claim on the gratitude
of this unhappy man than the noble woman whose
charity he has SO abused In this Winter of 1853 and
1854 while we lived in Lanartine- e-plaee we were @
Mcfarland came home so bruised and bleeding from
some street broil-a not uncommon occurrence on his
pd in getting T him in bed It was only three four
weeks before the birth of nv youngest child or
should not have done so. Then l kept MI McFar-
land in his room for more than week, carrying his
meals to him myself, that his disgrace might not
be seen and commented on by the household where
we boarded.


From the time he got his place in the Enrolment
me home three times, and moved me to eight dlferent
boarding houses. If, for one moment, was peace
full in the possession of shelter, his habits or his
dissatisfied temper drove him to change. At last, III
the Fall of 1854 Mr.. Sinclair offered rent free, hs
unOccupied farmhouse on the Hudson River, and we
moved there for the Winter Of '64 During this year
nv Youngest boy Danny had been born on one OF my
visits to nv fathers house stayed at Croton, in
Mr.. Sinclairs house. all Winter, and. during the Sum,
mer in q small tenement, which we rented there, and
which furnished very cheaply with $40 borrowed
by Mr.. Mcfarland from my father: Here Mr.. Nc
Farland's conduct was more endurable for he was