Year: 1870

Dout II, an, don't you, honey. Ny vice is,
jist say nothin' bout it. You've had it SO
long, and you ought to have it any way
Blood is blood, member dat, my boy.


"Aunt Rhoda," said, feeling very chiv
alrous aud strong to do and dare, "do you
suppose I'd live day longer on what is
another's? I'd starve first, there is not
much danger of that. If a young girl can
get her own living 1 should think that l
might"


1is, chile, but yer see that yer warn't
brought up to it. Makes all the difference
in de world, dat does," said aunt Rhoda.
with dubious shake of the head.


But | paid little attention to her croaking
and feverish haste possessed me to divest
myself of my unlawful riches. l could
scarcely bear the air breathed, the food l
ate, the house lived in. communicated
the discovery ofthe will at once by letter to
Miss Orton, and commenced settling up
matters as fast as possible preparatory to 90
ing to the West which was thena popular Ell
Dorado. l thought that had knowledge
enough to set up for physician there.


l did not wish to stay and meet my sue
cessor. 1t did not seem to me that | could
face her, for | had strange unreasonable
feeling of shame at having kept her proper
erty from her so long. She answered my
letter III %omanly yet business-like style,
begging me in delicate manner to con-
slider the old place my home and remain there
as usual.


In return for this I wrote cold, proud,
letter declining the offer, and pledging my
word that would as soon as possible make
up the value of the only piece of property
had sold.


Then disposed of my guns, fishing ap-
paratus, and a number of other expensive
articles which 1 did not see that woman
could have any use for and started cutting
myself adrift from all my old moorings and
setting myself atloat on the worlds untried
sea, as ignorant of it's shoals and deeps as
man could well be.


l settled in Western town, and waited,
till hope deferred pride, disappointment
and hard fare wrought such change in
me that many an hour sat doubling my
own identity. "This way madness lies"
and SO at last came to the rash resolve to
leave world which made me despise my
self for my inability to conquer.


One doesn't often come to suicide all at
once except in love affairs, I think The
idea had haunted and dogged me for weeks
First it was n thought whose entrance into
my heart shocked me, and was shown out
in high haste. Then, material objects be-
gan to haunt and tempt me. l got afraid
of my little medicine case-there were GER
tain little bottles there that took on q
strange fascination. Sometimes the CLEAN
of knife in shop window would give
me a turn--' there's short cut to DEATH
I'd think Get on, get on, for the love of
Heaven-Launcelot Launce Then the
times grew harder and never crossed a
bridge but / whispered, "drowning is an
easy death to die. A little plunge and all
is over" Set yom foot quick on the firm
shore, Launcelot Launce, or never upon
the firm shore shall you set your foot again!


Well, wrestled with and fought it for
a while, then dallied with it, and then |
Rugged it, and here was an ab}e-bodied
man, and AL that and about to Kill myself
because l couldn't get bread to put in my
mouth. You dcspise me SO should in
your place.


suppose hunger made me little light
headed. AT any rate, the strongest feeling
had as sat over my last stick of wood,
with my pistol in hand, was that it really
was most stRpendous joke, that should
be freezing and starving and about to take
my own life. The idea Of dining off Sevres
and silver one New Years day, and commit
ting suicide the next for want of crust! -
To be sure neither Sevres nor silver was my
own but had been laboring under the mis-
take of supposing them to be so all my life
so the effect was the same.