Year: 1873

A man will live within mile of his wife S
mother must expect to endure the trials and
tribulations of this life with patience and res
ignation. Heineed not live in expectation and
sympathy from his neighbors, for probably
most of them know how it is themselves.


So thought Mr.. Piper when he came home
to dinner and found his inevitable mother
in-aw looking over his store book and read
ing some of his letters. Yet Mr.. Piper
didn't get mad and tear round; he was used
to such things, and generally passed by
without a word, although he kept up a
deuce of thinking.


Mr.. Pipers mother-in-law invariably
manag d to come home whenever lie had
corned beef for dinner, and OH this particular
day, as the man of the house saw the in
road made on the hinge piece of beef bought
that morning, his visions of hash and sand
wiches faded beautifully away. The moth
er-in-law said she relished her dinner at
Piper's, he was such good hand to pick
out meat; he always got such tender pieces; !;
she could eat more at bis house than she
could at home. Mr.. Piper thought so
too.


After dinner he thought he would smoke.
Looking for his pipe and tobacco, he finds
they have taken up their abode in the sink
cupboard.


lie instantly seized the articles and re-
turned them to their accustomed place, on
the clock shelf, bis mother-n-law' nose
going up ten degrees tbereat.


Just as he was going out of doors his
wife asked him if he would get her an ounce
of snuff; she wanted it for moths. Full
we'll he knew it was for the old moth, her
mother, and inwardly wishing it was strych.
nine, started for his place Of business, and
met his father-in.law coming in at the gate.
Heaving sigh as he thought of another
attack about to be made on his corned beef,
he then and there formed the resolution to
have corned beef only on the Sabbath.
Walking along, he wondered If al flesh was
grass, and if so, what respectable sized
haystack the corned beef would make that
he had carried home from time to time.


When be came home at night he found
his mother-n-law had not gone. She
thought she would stay and 60 home in the
evening.


His wife asked him for the snuff; he had
forgotten it. She said her things would
spoil for the want of it. He secretly hoped
so, but he promised to get the article when
he went down that night.


He had got ready to color his mnstacbe,
but found bis wife had used all the dye on
her mothers hair. Then he shaved off his
mustache. His wife cried and said he
looked like some other man. He next
found that his mother -n-law's scalp had
absorbed the greater part of his bay rum,
and also judged from the appearance Of his
eau de vie, that she had tickled her palate
with it once or twice. Going into the shed
he espied covered basket hid in barrel
Peeping into the basket, he discovered hall
a peck Of shell beans, two dozen ears Of
corn, fifteen or twenty choice tomatoes
and a lot of cucumbers for picking.


After tea he went out in the garden, ano
found that somebody had stepped on bis
cucumber vines, trod down the tomatoes
pulled over the bean poles, and broke dowr
the corn.


The imprint of number nine slipper be.
trayed the culprit, then Mr.. Piper rose W
and called his mother-in-law cussed, and
thanked his stars she was not fixture IL
the house, although she might as well have
been, as far as the profit was concerned.


Mr.. P. spent the evening down town
and found, on his return home, that dele.
cation of his wfe's cousins, from Vermont
had arrived during his absence. Then he
had to ramble over to the grocers, after
which lie raided on the baker and visited the
butcher. By the time be had finished bis
trading bis wallet was as fiat as the fy-leaf
in Polyglot Bible.


Next lie had to borrow a bedstead OF a
neighbor; so, taking wheel-barrow, ne
proceeded to get the thing home. The bed,
stead was an old-fashioned, cumbersome at'
L. l. II