smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1873

which 1t carves in the soliG stone are
as circular as watch-crystal.


What poet, what word-conquerer
shall yet arise to fitly describe a
Colorado mountain brook Cold as
ice, clear as diamond, fostering the
loveliest ferns, MOSES and creeping
plants on its rocky borders; shad-
owed by solemn white pines whose
pictured trunks shoot up one hun
dred feet, and then spread into in
terlacing branches; and above all,
an ocean of deepest, tenderest blue,
sprinkled with whitecapped waves of
cloud that ebb and flow obcdient to
the tides Of upper air. This is
Queens Canon in Glen Eyrie, and
we reverertly thanked God that we
had seen it.


A UNIQUE AND FUNNY SCENE.


Monument Park was the next
wonder on the programme. ] may
as well confess at once that the re-
suit Of that visit was to fix certain
unromatic alternatives firmly on my
mind. The sight of those funeral dra-
ped sand figures with chocolate-col-
ored caps awokc neither awe nor
enthusiasm. | was convinced either
that the wags Of the prc-Adamite era
once collected all their fashionable
neighbors' chimneys together and
filled this valley with them for fun,
or else that all the queer. lOng-nccked.
stif-skirted old maids Of the same
period were at some time suddenly
turned into stone, and were thus con-
demned to present this ludicrous but
instructive spectacle to future ages.
TO me this set of formations is not
solemn except at a distance, when
they certainly mimic Greenwood or
Mount Auburn very creditably, but
when you stand in the midst of them
they arc simply funny. l affirm that
if some of the tall, slender females
Of the days of tiltinghoops had been
suddenly petrifed by an outraged
Providence, they would have looked
exactly so, and the large dark top
which invariably crowns their little
heads is exceedingly like the porten
tous sun-bonnet affected by worthy
matrons in some of our rural districts.
These caps are said by the guide-books
to be made of"black hematite;" :" but at
moderate distance they would re-
present black gingham distended by
pasteboard very well. do not know
what black hcmatite means; | never
met anybody who did; but | CON
clude that it is a kind of fossilized
calico, very much the worse for wear.
The bodies Of the supposable Lots
aunts are of sand, apparently stuck
together just enough to stand up. all
as round as though turned in lathe,
and full of little pebbles which ap-
pear to have no necessary connection
with the parent stem.


regret to say that We spent our
time in Monument Park entirely in
naming the columns after different
acquaintanccs whom we thought
they rcsembled, which base advan-
tage taken Of the absent may have
been the reason why we were caught
in a thunder shower and obliged to
take refuge in a ncighboring ranch.
Year: 1873

Reflect that . sound mind and body arc tho
mos. necessary requisites to promote connublal
happiness. Indeed without those the journey
through life becomes d weary pilgrimage, the
prospect hourly darkens to the Wow, the mind
becomes shadowed with despair and filed with
the melancholy reflection that the happiness OF
another is blghted with our own.
Year: 1873

The gentleman who acts as clown on the
editorial staff Of the New York Tribune de-
livers himself OF the following apocryphal
story of a Vermont Professor, who appar-
emily has neither local habitation or a
name:


There is something extremely saddening
in the sudden extinction Of cherished illu-
sion. As science spreads, so do ancient ira
ditiOns become as if they never had been,
and the exchange reader is made perpetual
ly to mourn at the funerals of his bOyhoOd's
dearest beliefs. One of thcse-and a very
tough and sturdy one-has Just gone to the
silent tomb in Vermont The power of the
human eye over the wild and ravening wild
beast has long been an engaging subject for
School Readers and pedagogical anecdote,
and among the firm Delivers in it was GER
tain Professor of that State. Various skep-
ties of his acquaintance having dared to
doubt this power, the Professor was moved
to convince them, and selected for the OBJ
ect of his experiment a lerocious animal Of
the bovine tribe which had long awed and
terrified the neighborhOod. Attended by a
retinue of disbelievers, this scientific gentle
man sauntered into the pasture where the
animal was peacefully grazing, and fixed
his awful eye upon the same. The next
thing which the bystanders observed was
the spectacle of somewhat discomposed
philosopher being tossed twenty-seyen feet
into the air, and coming down in state of
mind on the safe side Of the fence So pass
| away the beautiful dreams Of youth.
Year: 1873

Nh. RuBY's FrNERAL.- rhe day Mr., Ruby
across the way was to be buried Mrs. Mori-
arty told her daughter Clarinda that she
guessed she would attend, as : he WASH
feeling very well, and ride would do her
good. She knew there would be several
covered carriages furnished at the expense
of the family, and she was equally confident
that it could be 50 managed that she would
occupy a portion of one of them. She was
among the first at the house, and occupied 4
prominent position.


As the other friends arrived she took oc-
caSion to recall "reminiscences of the late
Ruby that brought tears to their eyes, and
when the services were over, as the first
carriage drove up for its load, the distress OF
Mrs. Moriarty at the death of Mr. Ruby was
80 marked as to excite the liveliest sympa-
thy. Then the second coach came up. Mrs.
Moriarty had got down to the gate by this
time, and as the door of the second coach
was opened, and a call made for the Occu-
pants, it seemed extremely doubtful if she
could hold up another instant. She leaned
against the post, and stared into the coach,
and over its rich upholstering, and said the
late Ruby seemed more like a son than a
neighbor. WhereupOn the usher looked
appropriately sad, and called up the third
and last coach. This had yellow cushions
and pink straps, and Mrs. MQTiaHy didn't
hesitate to protest that in the DEAN of Mr..
Ruby the community had met loss it was
not possible to recover from, and that she
would follow him to his last resting-place
if she had to do it on her knees, and would
feel grateful for the opportunity.


Then the third and last coach filed and
drove off to take its place in the line. and
Mrs. Moriaty dried her tears, choked back
the sorrow Of her heart with one mighty
gulp. and strobe into her own house, shut.
ting the front door without the aid of the
knob. She told Clarlnda that it was the
scaliest affair she ever went to, and had il
not been for the body there would have been
no funeral at alls-DsnJury Netcs.
Year: 1873

| and both are common and woe to the luck


less man, most probably of jovial, weak
| backed nature, who has fallen into the pow
er of either. He has to expiate by a life OF
self-suppression for the one part, and of per-


petual stumbling into offence for the other.


the terrible mistake he made in early youth,


when girls cold self-possession was called


by finer word, and no account taken Of


the time when Just endurable characters


tic would have become exaggerated.


There is, again, another kind of dignity
OF the aesthetic range; kind of thing that
says, " No common person am |, ;" and that
demands exceptional homage. as well as re-


pels rudeness with sc0rn. This Is a very ia


vorite kind with the women who hold the


theory that women are of a divine order Of
nature, and that men are-not to put it too
strongly-brutes. They exact a different
ordering of circumstances altogether for
themselves, and especially that they should


be protected from the lower conditions Of
HE Ask these women to do unpleasant
work, and see how their dignity takes arms
at once, and how offended and indignant
they are at your suggestion. They are Of
the Brahminical order, according to their
own estimation, and they are to be spared
what others have to endure Have they not
their dignity to support, and Is not their ma
ture aesthetic and their right to immunity
from the common lot undoubted? These
aesthetic women are eminently impractical.
and their dignity is in general tremendous
nuisance They are 50 very fine, 50 very
pure, they hold nature to be 50 gross, hui
manity in its reality 50 dreadful, and all
things, save their own wOmanly dignity. 50
common, that there is no dealing with them
on anything like practical basis. and if
you speak to them of life as it is. not as it Is
made to appear-in a cloud of pink muslin
and with an atmosphere of after of rosos-
they are reyolted and think You are wanting
IN respect. Unreal as well As aesthetic, they
are both useless and unsatisfactory. To be
sure, they cultivate art, and know the right
color OF a ribbon. and how to arrange a
drawing-room pictureSquely but as all the
chambers inhabited by the human family are
not drawing-rOomS. a. there are sick-roOms
and lazarettoS, the womanly dignity which
must not be invaded bv themention of either
Is but poor kind of thing for working life,
and its artistic specalitieS are but meagrc
compensation for its aesthetic absurdities.


The fact is, useful aS womanlv dignity Is
As womanly possession, it can be carried to
excess. and from virtue become vice. So
long as it Is an honest lcfcnce-work against
the rough assaults of superior strength. it Is
both good and fair but when it assumes to
be more than this. it becomes an exaggerl-


ion, and as such ridiculous. There is no
law by which women can be exempt from a
share in the troubles and sorrows Of human
!
protect them from things that override all
but nature. Still it is a valuable possession,
and women had better have too much of it
than too little for, though too much rem
derS them absurd, too little makes them con
temptiblc, and between the two there is no
doubt as to which Is worst
Year: 1873

INTELLIGENT DoGs.-The New Orleans Pr
cagme tells the following stories about two
intelligent dogs


We have a little friend who owns twodosS
Othello and DeSdemona, both of chon hue,
and splendid animals of their kind for
while Othello Is a Newfoundland of the lar
gest size. Desde Is n miniature terrier, about
the weight of a kitten. Though so dissi-
milar IN height, they are the best of friends.
and any infringement Of the rights OF either
is looked upon with distaste by the other.


When first introduced. Desde was nothing
bat puppy, and was Immediately appropri-
ated by the Newfoundland, who, deeming its
pleasure must lay in the same line as himself,
marched with it off to a large tub Of water
and dropping it in. watched with the greatest
gusto its efforts and cries in endeayouring 10
get out.


Othelo's great pleasure l. to 20 to market
CARRYING the basket with tine utmost selt-pos-
session and dignity, any insult To himself
upon these occasions being looked upon with
the greatest soiemnity and contempt. He is
not at all selfish in this, however. for one day.
coming down 10 20 to market. Mr. found
him standing with the basket in his mouth,
and De-demona barking inside. where She
had been evidently tumbled by her big friend,
he approaching the fact that it might be IA
tiguing to her TO walk such a dIstance-nor
would he be quiet unless she was allowed To
accompany the party.


Another day he was observed standing at
the front door, watching with the greatest
interest lady who had a little black and
tan about Desde's size. tied by string and
wrapped in a little coat. Suddenly, without
warning, he made rush for the iucklesS
couple. and Seiziug the dog in his mouth fled
with it to where Desdemona was and depo-
sited it in the box alongside of its sleeping
iavorite.


1t is needless to say that the lady received
back her pet. much frightened and though
minus its jacket, greatly relieved to get ont
OF the big animals clutches.


As an example of more than animal ms
tinct. though, we think the following unsur-
passed


4 crowd of boys used to frequent an alley
in the rear of the house and annoy Othello
very much by pounding at the gate and
running away when he rushed to get at
them. One day they were worse than usual,
and, after making vain efforts to catch them,
he quietly went round to the front door,
which was open. and walking around quiet
ly, as it appeared, to the rear, where the
alley opened into the street. seized one Of
the boys when they ran out, and held him
until released by some one about the pre-
miSeS
Year: 1873

AcTlNG BY RULE.-In Pottsyille, when
anything happens, the people consider that
a religious duty devolyes upon them to hold
a meeting and to pass resolutions upon it


and 50 strong has this habit become that
some citizens of the place, Whenever the
breakfast bell rings, call a meeting of the
family, elect officers, and resolve to 90 down
stairs and eat the meal The other day a
woman fell into the canal and sank. y large
crowd Of men were standing upon the bank
at the time. and they instantly proceeded to
organize ameeting for the purpose ofdeyising
means for rescuing the woman After a
spirited debate, man named Collins wa,
elected chairman; and. on taking his seat.
Mr.. Collins not only thanked the meeting
very warmly for the compliment offered him.
but he made 4 long speech, in which he dis
cuSsed the tariff, the coal product for Is, l.,
and the Alabama claims. \ series Of reso-
lutionS were then offered, and after q pro-
longed discussion and the acceptance OF Sc
yeral amendments, they were passed. They
embraced a protest against the depth 0i the
canal. regrets that all women are not taught
to swim, and resolved to rescue the partieu-
lar woman who had fallen overheard. \
committee Of one was appointed to dive for
her lie dove. and brought the woman to
the surface by her hair. just then it occur
red to him that he had not been ordered 20
bring her to shore 50 lie let her sink again,
and swan to the bank to report progress and
ask for further instructions Action was
taken upon the report and after an exciting
discussion he was directed To land the woman
H.. N.r
her out. None Of the women in Pou-yilie
can hold their breath more than an hour and
half at time, 50 when this one WIS re-
covered She was dead. The meeting said it
was sorry, but it was vastly more important


that things should be done deccntly and in
order, and according to rule, than the life of
a woman should be saved. The woman has
NOT exIres-el her views yet.-Mlr la.Lr.
Year: 1873

EFFECTS or A SERENADE.-Ihe Atlanta
Constitution says; \ yonng gentleman OF
Macon. who is not in the musical way HIM
self. but considers that he is n good judge OF
such matters. concluded to serenade his
sweetheart the other night In pursuance
of this praiSeworthy design, he hired lu-
veniie African and harmGnicon for ten
cents. and betook himself and his colorcd as
sistant to his angels house. During the en-
suing half-hour the midnight zephyrs bore
into the adjacent windows a beautiful sup
ply of the most intensely dolefTl music that
ever tortured the human ear. At length the
second story window opened. The young
gentleman struck a pensiye attitude, and
waited for his sweetheart to return hel
thanks. She did return her thanks. They
were pretty warm, and nigh on to two gal
Ions in quantity. Their advent was follow
ed by a confused sound as of footsteps retir-
ing with unwonted rapidity, a peculiar odol
as if somebody had boiled Niger in that
neighbOrhood. and all was still The young
gentleman did not come to business next
day. He spent the time in tub filled witt
sweet oil and ice, and sent word that he had
been struck by lightning.
Year: 1873

A HARD CAsE.-A writer from I.eipsic
sends the following to the Wilmington Ae{rer.
ttser!' AT COnstable's sale, Of a Door white
man with a wife and two small childrenl
named Joseph White, living about two miles
from this place, on Monday 18th inst, every
article Of household goods were sold and carted
away, even cooked meat and bread that was
intended for thee family dinner was sold and
taken away, there was not bed, mattress. or
substitute for such left them nothing but the
hard bare board to sleep on at night, not
chair or stool, or anything to sit on was left
them they were left absolutely destitute as if
they had been visited by Chicago or Boston
hre. W White is sober, industrious man, but
he worked with this voracious creditor last
year, for eight dollars month (house and fire.
wood found, and with his small wages could
not make both ends meet, hence his experience
in some of our peculiar laws. This community
condcms the act and the law that allows IL
White subsequently met with friend who
literally furnished him with the necessary
means to help him out of his distressed situa-
tion. Mr. Joseph E Disch, Whites present
land -lord) is my informant of the above facts.
The Creditor is an Office holder and farmer in
Little Greek Hundred"
Year: 1873

An advertisement in the Boston newspaper
announcing the sale at auction of the Dexter
property in NewburypOrt, brings to mind
numerous stories current in that city respecting
the eccentric individual who fOurished there in
the latter part of the last century, under the self
assumed title of Lord Timothy Dexter This was
the fortunate merchant who with brains either
so Scant or disordered that he was continually
making himself an object of deris0n, still
blundered into what, in those days was con-
sidered a stupendOus fortune. 1t was this
Dexter who, on consulting waggisk acquaint-
ance as to profitable way of investing certain
moneys, was advised to ship a cargo of warm
ing-pans to the West Indies, and avaed him
self OF the advice, to the great mirth of all who
heard of the transaction. The cream of the joke,
however, was the warming pans found sale to
the sugar manufacturers for ladies', and Dexter
realized great profit on the venture. A ship.
ment of red wooden night-caps to the coast OF
Guinea, suggested as joke, turned out as a
most fortunate speculation. Somebody wish.
| ing to humbug the old fellow, told him one daS
that news had come that all the whales were
dying off Dexter went to work and bought
up all the whalebone he could get hold of
fairly "cOrnering" the market, after which hC
unloaded at an immense profit. Having a


last blundered into great wealth. he assumed
the title OF Lord Dexter, and spent grea
deal Of money in laying out attractive ground


about his house, but ruined the effects pro
duced by skillful gardners by setting up il
every direction carved wooden figures OF th


most hideOus description. Twenty-Five year
ago some OF these figures were still to be sect
on the grounds. Lord Dexter becomiu


ambitious of literary distinction, published


book with the title of "A Pickle for tn


Knowing Ones" but being conscious OF weak


ness in the matter Of punctuation, put all, tn


periods, commas, semicoons and the like a
the end of the book, telling his readers tina
they might pepper and salt his productions t


suit themselves. A few years before his dealt


he had a mock funeral, and afterward beat hi


wife because she did not exhibit sufficient grie
over his fictitious demise. Some time ago III
house and grounds. occupied by this strang
character, came into the possession of


wealthy citizen Of Newburyport, who has mad


the place one of the most beautiful residence
in New England.-N T. Tablet.
Year: 1873

"NoT CONFIRMED. A contemporary OBJ
serves that on as close a calculation as possible
there are five thousand confirmed opium
eaters in New York city" There are a great
many more than that in China, but then they
are not confirmed At the same time we are
free to confess that we have not the faintest
notion of the connection between the religious
rite and the pernicOus habit in question. 1t is
true there is story afoat that certain bishop
detected an old lady getting confirmed more
frequently than is usual, and was told by her
that she did it because it was said to be good
for the rheumatcs. But this story wants quite
as much confirmation as the old lady did.
Year: 1873

QUERIES BY AN ABSENT MAN.-Did YOU
ever stand for three quarters OF an hour before
the glass wondering where Oh earth you had
seen that face before?
hymn alter the congregation had finished some
time?


Did you ever light your cigar with ten dol
lar BILL and then stick the lighted end in your
mouth


Did you ever take up anybody else's change
for your own?
Did you ever hang yourself over the back of a
chair in place of your overcoat?
Did you ever pay your tailor in an absent
mood ?


And did you ever sprinkle your strawberries
with salt, pocket the silver forks, drink out of
your ingerglass, or scratch somebody else s
back for your own?
Year: 1873

INDIAN OvE.-The Indian language is
noted for its melody, and no one who has ever
conversed with the noble savage in his native
wids can ever forget the eloquent harmony Of
its gutturals. A writer has discovered that
the word love in the Indian language is spelled
thus, observation-disclosures What
girl could resist the opportunities Of man
who informed her that he had a great deal of
that for her?
Year: 1873

SLEEP NO MoRE.-A paper falls foul of a


preacher who announced sermon on Short
Be1steads." So long as he adapted the dis
course to the bedsteads on the PrOcrustcan
principle, by cutting off any unnecessary head,
we do not think there was very great cause OF
complaint. A long sermon is as bad as a short
bedstead when you are compelled to sleep on 1t.
Year: 1873

A general war is waging against the use of
states in the schools of Germany. There is
scarcely any sound more offensive to the human
ear than the grating of the pencil on the slate,
and when this is multiplied by numbers in the
school the effect is said to be extremely iniuri-
Gus 10 the nerves of many children, and to
leave evil influences for life How much tor
ture we unconsciously endured in early youth!
Year: 1873

A very genteel and amiable young man is
now insane. He split his hair in the middle.
The other day in oombing it he chsncsd to get
two more hairs on one side than on the other.
This destroyed the balance of the head and
overturned his brain. He makes very gentle
luuatic, however. .a..
Year: 1873

In the great art of living, and we shall hear no
more Of woman weakness and incapacity It
IS not bringing up but training up, that our
daughters need; and with this train ng the W
wsomanhoOd will shortly come-The Golden


10p
Year: 1873

The Democratic party has at last found its
Moses. Hendricks, of Indiana, is reported as
the coming man who is to lift Democracy from
the gutter and place it upon the throne of politi
cal power. He has already had q conference
with his antiguated friends, who have grown old
waiting for Office, and has assured them that il
they will follow him he will lead them into the
promised land. This Indiana statesman, it is
understood, proposes radical change of pro-
granime. He has not yet advised his friends
to join the Republican party, but he has done
the next thing to it-advised them to drop the
Democratic name, and assume a title that will at
least disguise the old material, and cenvey to the
public an idea of patriotism and honesty. This
is bold step, but a leader to be worth anything
must he bold /; SO in this new departure Hem
dricks proves himself leader. He calls upon
his followers to make great sacrifice, but as
they have nothing to lose except n name, and
everything to gain, it is quite probable that this
latest political prophet will have respectable
following. We are willing to do all we can to
help Hendricks in this labor of love. The old
Democratic party has been gal lvanzed into life so
many times, that are in sympathy with any
thing that will permit the old shell to be buried
from sight, in grave SO deep and secure that no
hereafter. What Greeley. commenced we sincere
ly hope Hendricks will finish. Ii he can succeed
in demolishing the name Of Democracy the re-
formation will he complete, for there has been
nothing left but the name for the past ten years.
For the sake of human civilization, we trust that
Hendricks will he encouraged in this good work.
He has some tough customers to deal with, but
If he has faith enough to wrestle in the good
cause, he may before the close Of the present
century see the contamination Of his hopeful
dreams.