smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

A tall green looking youth stepped
into village grocery where they
keep something to eat as well as to
drink, and after peering about little
he spiel some ginger cakes. Said he
to the grocer:


'Them's mighty fine cakes. What
is the least you will take for one of
them?


Ten cents, replied the grocer.


We'll, / believe III take one if you'll
wrap it up right good


The grocer wrapped up the cake
and handed it to him.


The young looked thoughtfully at
it awhile and then said:


i don't believe l want this cake af-
ter all. Won't you swap me drink
for it?


Yes, said the grocer, as he took
back the cake and handed him glass
of something,


The young man swallowed the IL
rquor and started off.


Hold on cried the grocer, you
haven't paid for the drink.


i swapped you the cake for the
drink.
But you haven't paid for the cake


You We got your cake


This last retort so puzzled the gro
Ger that he scratched his head awhile
and the young man made his retreat.


Said a distinguished politician to
his SON:


Look at me | began as al alder
man, and here ! am at the top of the
tree; and what is my reward Why,
when | die, my son will be the great
est rascal in the city"


"Ycs, dad, when YOU debut not
till then.
Year: 1876

Nothing is generally admitted to be
more embarrassing to a,young bache-
lor divine than to find on entering
his pulpit Of Sunday morning that
the front pows are occupied by "a
numerous delegation Of his fellow
boarders, including the fat landlady,
to whom he is in arrears for two
weeks board.
Year: 1876

There Was a certain laughable
streak of human nature in that man
of total abstinence who, on driuhing
milk punch by mistake, enthnsias
tically cried out, Heavens What a
COW. Is she for sale p
Year: 1876

This is true story. The happy
circumstances occurred on last Sun
day evening week. He escorted
her to and from church, and arriving
at her home their discussion OF the
sermon and the extreme heat suggest
ed an invitation, readily accepted by
Charles, that they step into the house
and partake Of a cooling glass of lem
onade. She led him to the dining
room, and there found naughty broth
or Ben. about to squeeze the last lem
on in the house for his own indlvidu-
al benefit. Calling him aside, she in
duced Ben by means Of sundry threats
and promises, to dlssect that lemon
and make Charlie and herself a glass.
A self-sacriGcng Thought struck her.
"No, Ben, said she, put the juice
of the whole lemon into Charlie s
glass and bring me glass of water.
He won notice lt-there is no light
in the parior !!


Ben was making one good strong
glass of lemonade, as directed, when
Charlie slipped out and remarked -
Il say, Ben put the juice of the en-
tire lemon in your icewater. There
is no light in the parlor and she won't
notice it. y


Ben forte is in obeying orders.
With 4 merry twinkle in his eve he
drank the lemonade, then carried
them each a glass Of water, which
they drank with much apparent rel
ish, asking each other between sips
''iiit was sweet enough And naugh-
ty Ben, with the taste Of that lemon
ade in his mouth, stood out in the
hall and laughed till his sides ached
TO hear them assure each other that
lit was just right; so palatable and
refreshing =
Year: 1876

1t was at the funeral of the head 0
the family. A neighbor in the yard
while the service was going on inside
was speaking Of the dead man, anc
took advantage Of the opportunity tt
observe in d tone of suDdued sympa'
thy. can had just got in his coal
and potatoes for the winter. 1t IS a
sad case
Year: 1876

An Irishman, in passing through
the streets, picked up a light guinea,
which he was obliged to sell for eigh-
teen shilling, Next day he saw an
other guinea lying in the street. No,
no, says lie, I'll have nothing to do
with you; | lost three shillings by
one like you yesterday.
Year: 1876

JONATHAN" said the wife Of pros
porous farmer who resides . few miles
from Burlington. ARE you going to
town to-day" John said "he had been
thinking of it. seeing as butter was
bringing good price" Well. then"
continued his better half you may just
take these rubber costs To the iin-shop
and have some eavestroughs put on
around the bottoms Of them. You
know that on rainy days you and the
boys are of no earthly use. so you might
as well he on. catching rain water and
helping me along with the washing as
lying around the house for ne and tte
girls To stumble over" John cast de-
jected glance toward his wife TO see
whether she really meant business or
not. and having satisfied himself on
that score, meekly took the coats and
drove of. John always did say that
he owed his worldly success TO the man
agement of his wife. and We know Of
no reason why bis word should be
doubted.
Year: 1876

The mammoth auction sale of coal
in New York, last week, resulted in a
great reduction in prices. This is
good news for consumers and bad news
for miners. The prices ranged from
So to $500 per ton, according to
quality. The coal operators in Penn
sylvania say the prices brought will
compel them to suspend operations un-
less tolls and labor can be reduced to a
much lower figure than at present,
with the chances against them even of
great reductions, as the miners will
hardly submit to lower prices than are
now prevailing. The situation, from
their standpoint, seems to have a
gloomy outlook for the Fall and Win.
ter trade.


For three or four years the price of
anthracite coal has been regulated and
fixed beyond variation by the produc-
ers. They have had every thing their
own way. There is none found out
side of Pennsylvania. Six companies
own and operate the mines. They
fixed the maximum production OF each
company at 100000 ton year. A
year ago last January the combination,
which had been effected two years be-
fore was rendered complete and per-
manent, as was supposed; but very
soon disaffection began. Bad faith
was practiced, bad feeling engendered,
and finally the ring has gone to pieces.
Whether the break will be permanent
or not is an open question. Where
monopoly is possible, competition is
rarely maintained for any considerable
length Of time,
Year: 1876

i'll bred, it is not strange that the lat


ter was little disposed to repeat her


visit, or that Gen Grant would resent
such slignt. even more than he would
an insult to himself" !" Mrs. Grant


throughout the trying ordeal of life at


the White House, has borne herself
so modestly and well, aud has shown


herself SO thoroughly a lady, that we
feel no little hesitation in dragging her
name into the columns of newspaper;
but so much has been said about the
Presidents absence on the Fourth of
July, that it seems only just to tell the
truth about it. When the President
and Mrs. Grant aud the Emperor and
Empress Of Brazil had passed through
the principal buildings in the formal
opening of the Exposition, it was not
the two ladies that were invited to
dedicate one of the distinct depart
ments, but the Empress only, while
the wife of fhe President was left to
entertain herself. MACK.
Year: 1876

The present situation of affairs in


the oil market has puzzled the brains


of the most knowing ones for severa


days past. The rise which has occur.


ed within the last week has been a
surprise to every one--even those best


posted on the market having expressed


themselves as greatly astonisbed. 1t


was predicted last Spring that the
crude article would reach So per bar
rel before Fall, but no one entertained
the idea for moment that prices
would 60 almost dollar above that
point before the first Of September


In this all the operators have been


aappily disappointed. The closing
quotation on United last Saturday was
S3 45 Yesterday an advance to So
95, and in the latest dealingsto So 964
occurred. When the news spread
among those who have been holding
for as much year or eighteen months
for ligher figures, there was a great
deal of excitement at the oil headquar-
ters on Duquesne way. Nearly all the
brokers collected at that point, most
of whom had several thousand barrels
OF petroleum which they were instruc-
ted to sell at 81 per barrel One of
them offered 5000 barrels at the above
price, but failed to find buyer. A
small lot sold in the region at that fig
ure, which, it is thought, was throwD
out as bait by the bulls to force the
market upward, At the close of the
transactions here last evening, al
though the market exhibited great
strength, there was no anxiety to buy
at the quotations. Everybody appear
ed timid and afraid to invest. The
Oldest operators were unable to tell
what turn the market might take at
any moment There is one thing
which is pretty well settled, however
and that is, when buyers can be found
who are willing to give 81 for oil at
the wells large blocks of it will be
thrown upon the market which may
cause at least temporary reaction.
Whether recovery will follow re
mains to be seen.-PHsbury Gazette
Anq 20. a
Year: 1876

TELL-TALE LIPs.-I have observed
that lips become more or less contracted
in the course of years, in proportion as
they are accustomed to express good hu-
NOR and generosity, or peevishness and
contracted mind. Remark the effect
which moment Of ill-temper and grudg-
ingness has upon the lips. and judge
what may be expected from a habitual
series of such movements. Remark the
reverse, and make similar judgment.
The mouth is the frapkest part Of the
face; it cannot In the least conceal its
sensations. We can neither hide Ill
temper with it, nor good; we may affect
what we please, but affectation win not
help US. In wrong cause, it will only
make our observers resent the endeavor
TO impose on them. The mouth is the
seat Of one class of emotions as the eyes
are Of another; or, rather, it expresses
the same emotions, but in greater detail.
and with more irresistible tendency TO
be in motion. It is the region Of smiles
aud dimples. and Of trembling tender
ness Of sharp sorrow, or full breath
ing JOY. Of candor, Of reserve, Of anxious
care. Of liberal sympathy. The mouth.
out Of its many sensibilities, may be
faDcied throwing up one great expression
into the eye--as many lights in city
reflect broad lustre into the heavens.
-Leinh Hunt
Year: 1876

CONFINEMENT AND Coon LOOKS
What is female beauty? In what does
il consist? II is not in pearl powder,
nor in hair dye, nor in jowelry. Ii can
not be got into bottle or box. II is
pleasant to be handsome. but all beauty
is not in prettiness. There is a higher
beauty that makes US love people ten
derG. Eyes, nose. hair, or skin never
did that yet, though it is pleasant to see
fine features. What you are will make
your face over for you in the end. wheth-
er nature has made it plain or pretty.
Good people are never ill-lool;ing. What
ever their faces may be, an amiable ex-
preston atones for ALL If they can be
cheerful also. no one will love them the
less because their features are not regu-
lar, or because they are too fat. or too
thin, too pale or too dark. Cultivation
Of the mind adds another charm to their
faces and on the whole, if any girl is
DESTROYS of being liked by the many. and
loved by the one. it is more in her pow
er than she may believe. to accomplish
that object. Cosmetics will not accom-
plish it. however. Neither will fine
dress /; though woman who does not
dress becomingly wrongs herself. Forced
smiles and affected amiability will be of
no avail but if she eau manage to feel
kindly to everybOdy-not to be jealous.
not to be cross-to be happy. possible,
and to encourage contentment, then
something will come upon her face that
will outlast youths roses. and gain her
not only husband, but lifelong lover.
Year: 1876

Coleman's Rural World approves
of the suggestion to have expert


mental grounds in connection with
grange halls, and suggests that the
halls should be two stories high,
the first for q store and the upper
one for grange rooms, library, &c,
1t thinks the experimental ground
should be connected and under
charge of the MASTERY who should
be authorized to make assessments
of labor for it's cultivation With
many grangcrs this might grow
into very useful and interesting
feature, but with all such as meet
at or near towns and villages, and
these are, perhaps, in the majority,
it would be impracticable, as the
grounds would be more or less dis
.turbed Ivy town boys, unless, per
'haps, the store.keeper could keep
them oif An experiment would


be worthless without it was exact,
and the aggravations arising from


damage or destruction of a part of
any crop that was grown for that
purpose would be great. h.
Year: 1876

The irrigation bill for this county


introduced by General MCCONNELL
appears to have been drafted with an


eye single to the creation of office and


securing the salaries of the incum-
bents thereof. If the county is divid-


ed into but two districts there will be
some fifteen or more officers, all Of
whom are to be literally paid for a
small amount of service. The bill is
full of talk about officers and their sal
aries, but very little is said about
water. There are very explicit in
structions as to how the officers are to
be elected, but beyond the drawing of
their salary We have but the vaguest
Information as to what they are to do
after election. There is very clearly
drawn section defining the penalty for
the non-payment of irrigation tax,


but what is to be done with the mon
ey-if any is left after paying the off,
GERS salary-no satisfactory instruc-
tions are given. What shall be done
with the water of private artesian
wells already dug is laid down IN Ian
guage un mistakable, but of how and
when other wells are to be bored,
nothing is said. That every mans
farm shall be taxed for irrigation
funds is distinctly stated, but that any
farm shall be supplied with water is
not even vaguely hinted at Every
provision is made for the issuance and
sale of bonds, but except for the pay
ment of the officers salaries, what
shall be done with the proceeds OF
these bonds, no man knoweth. Sure
ly General MCCONNELL nor any other
Year: 1876

1t has been asserted by sheet pub
lished in this city, that has no object
in view save that of its own existence,
that the purpose of the HERALD in
urging the settlement Of the estate OF
TEMPLE & WORKMAN in the Bank
ruptcy Court was to disqualify Mr..
TEMPLE from holding the office OF
County Treasurer. Until the state
ment was made the idea of disqualifi.
cation never occurred to us. If we
had given the subject thought at all
we should have reached the conclu-
sion that the inexcusable, if not crimi-
nal, management of his business by
those 10 whom he had entrusted It,
had so far disqualified Mr.. TEMPLE
from holding the office 10 which lie
had been elected that the discussion
of the question was entirely unneces
sary. In fact, if not in law, the bank
of TEMPLE & WORKMAN is a defaulter
to the city of Los Angeles in the sum
of S23, 900, and according to the report
of the assignees Mr.. TEMPLE is him
self a bankrupt. He is not, therefore,
qualified to fill the office of County
Treasurer. The question Of his right
to delegate his office to another is one
rather for the decision of the courts
than for newspaper discussion. With
the paper alluded to at the beginning
of this article the legal or moral right
to do a thing in no way interferes with
its support of the measure, provided
its own ends are attained thereby. 1t
has but one aim and purpose, which is
to live, and to do this it would use the
livery of heaven as cloak to hide its
serfdom to the devil. The Treasury
ship is matter between Mr.. TEMPLE
and those whose funds, but for his
insolvency, he would have become
the custodian. If,after the great finan-
cial change Mr.. TEMPLE has under
gone, it is lawful and the people de.
sire that he shall have control of their
money, he will act as County Treas
urer; but if it is not deemed safe to
entrust the county funds to one
who, no matter how honest, is
deeply involved, then the ap-
pointment of County Treasurer
is duty devolving upon the Board of
Supervisors. Certainly Mr.. TEMPLE
cannot appoint successor. From a
common sense stand point, disqualifi-
cation to hold an office carries with it
disqualification to appoint an officer.
The anxiety of certain parties to place
the county funds in the hands of Mr..
TEMPLES assignees, is calculated to
create doubt in the public mind as
to their honesty of purpose, and may
result in the defeat of their scheme.
In view Of the fact that the city has
temporarily, and perhaps finally, lost
$4,000, the people owe it TO them
selves to see that the county money
is placed where no risk of its loss will
be incurred.
Year: 1876

Inc GdEette or the I'D says:


On Sunday as we sat in our sanctum
reading paper we felt the building
culver from several rapid shocks. We
looked at the time, and finding it O
quarter past eleven, concluded quietly
that we had better lay aside the paper
and go to church. 1t is said that men
can become accustomed to everything
save earthquakes-the habitade OF
birth and education shape and adapt
the mind to anything to which it may
have been accustomed, so that it can
regard with compOsure, things which
would seem dreadful to any one
stranger to them. A soldier, with his
mind indurated by warfare, can charge
with his companions over plain
strewn with dying men and feel no
sensation save the martial glow, the
grdudid certdnainiS of his profession
the duellst may come upon the field
and face his adversary with nothing
but pride and resolution though he
know it to be contrary to the laws of
God and man-but no frequency of oc-
currance can make us used to earth
quakes, and that is the reason why we
laid our newspaper down and went to
church, so that in case of accident we
might die in good company. This
earthquake was unnOticed by many
persons-perhaps many will hear of it
for the first time when reading this,
and yet it may have wrought greater
changes underground somewhere,
than the labor of ten thousand men
could have accomplished during all
their lifetime. In this respects it re-
minds us of some of those national
convulsions which, with silent force,
may weaken and cause almost to fall
the proudest of our political insttu-
tions without the unregardful people
at large being aware that any such
baneful powers are at work.


SIGNS AT SANTA BARBARA.


Perhaps one of the features of the
physical phenomenon was the severe
wind storm at Santa Barbara and vi
cinity, which prevailed all of Satur-
day night preceding the earthquake
shock. We give an account of it
in this connection for what it is worth.
Let the philosophically inclined de-
eide the matter:


On Saturday night Santa Barbara
was visited by severe wind storm.
1t commenced about o'clock and
continued with increasing violence
throughout the night. Several casu-
altes occurred. Two or three of the
windows of the college were blown
out, the telegraph wires were torn
from the posts, and large cypress
tree on the Kimberly property was
torn up by the roots. Towards Car
pinteria several of the telegraph poles
were blown down, and the line gener-
ally demOralized. Some very tall lam
guage was caused by old Boreas impo-
litely taking peoples hats off and roll
ing them in the dust. The storm was
refreshing as novelty. We like to
resemble the rest of the world now
and then, but Saturdays blow will
last us for some time. Real estate
transfers were very lively that night.
Santa Barbara Press.


At Whitewater and on the Colorado
the shock was quite severe, but we
have not learned of any damage at
that point. In Los Angeles the mo.
tior of the earth was hardly percep-
tible, and was noticed by only a few
people. So far as our Information
goes we judge that the real earthquake
was in Arizona, and that the undula-
tions gradually decreased in force as
they extended Westward.
Year: 1876

By American Press Association to the STAR.


ATLANTA, March 1.-THE large COM
pany of visitors from the Northwestern
States seem to be enjoying themselves
finely. They are all in the best of spirits
and express themselves highly pleased
with the appearance of things here.
They spent yesterday in visiting the
public schools and driving about the
city and vicinity, and leave this after
noon Tor Augusta.
Year: 1876

The Congressional Investigating Com
mittees are as much entitled to the sacred
and binding laws governing witnesses as
anv Court of Justice, and it is therefore
but reasonable and just that bills should
receive enactment which will make pre-
vision for their protection against the in
convenience that recussn: or dilatory wit
nesses can cause them. In order to avoid
any trouble or delay on this account the
House of National Representatives has
had presented to them by the Judiciary
Committee bill in relation to his very
matter.


The necessity of the bill is more ur-
gent than those unacquainted with the
duties of committee work weuld imagine.
Frequently it has occurred that commit
tee has been delayed in advancing its
work mostly by the absence of witnesses,
who taking advantage Of the meagerness
of laws compelling their attendance at
Washington for such purposes, have evaded
summons by the slightest pretexts, fol
thai length of time. But the b'l
upon this matter introduced into tho
House on Wednesday and passed is
Year: 1876

RECENT accounts indicate that the people
of New Hampshire are terribly in earnest.
Unless the citizens of that State are wholly
lost to sense of patriotic duty, they will
on Tuesday next give the corrupt admins
tration at Washington such rebuke as was
never before administered in that direction.
1t is fair to assume that the Belknap bust
ness and other evidences of corruption at
Washington will be made to tell in some
measure against the New England Repub-
leans, notwithstanding the leaders of that
party are supplied plentifully with money,
and with eminent orators are making des-
perate efforts to carry the State. The con-
test in New Hampshire promises to be a
very square and close one. Both parties
are calling into requisition every available
speaker. The respective State Committees
have. put all their machinery in motion, and
not for many years has the Granite State
required so much outside assistance at an
election. Each party seems to think that
the result of the election in that State will
foreshadow how things will go in the Presi-
DENTAL contest. 1t will indeed be strange
if the revolt against the exposed and scan.
dalous corruption of the administration
does not defeat the administration party.
Year: 1876

TsE CENTENNIAL Exposition grounds con-
tain four hundred and twenty acres, in near
ly a triangular shape. The total number OF
Centennial buildings now completed, with
those in course of construction, will be
about one hundred, and the total area COW
cred by the Exhibition proper, will be about
seventy.five acres, which is nearly double
the space covered by the buildings at the
Vienna Exposition. The Pennsylvania and
the Reading Railroad Companies have
made ample arrangements for the proper
transportation of visitors to the grounds.
Though only running from certain points,
the steam railroads will furnish the quick
est mode of reaching the grounds. The
carrying capacity Of the street cars SO far
provided will he taxed far above its capac-
ity, and the public will in great measure
be obliged to rely on the street cars for the
proper transportation. The fare on the
steam cars will not be greater than that
charged by the street cars. Both of the


above named railroads have erected tempo


rary depots near the Centennial enclosure


and in close proximity to the entrances O


the grounds.