Year: 1876

conversation he said:


I'm going to move. l cant stand
those Thompsons next door to me any
longer. They're the awfullest people
to borrow things that ! ever saw. Cot.
fee and butter and sugar and flour |
don't mind SO much, although when a
woman borrows high-priced sugar and
Java coffee and sends back sand and
chicory, man naturally feels bilious
and mad. But they've borrowed pref
ty near everything in the house. First
it is one thing and then another, from
morning till night, right straight along.


Now there's the poker. A poker is
piece of machinery that you would
think anybody might 60 around and
buy, or, if they couldn't afford it, they
might use fence pailing to shake up
the fire. But Mrs. Thompson seems to
banker after our poker. She bor-
rows it fifteen or twenty times day,
and last Saturday she borrowed it thir-
tytour times. She pays a boy 81 a
week to run over and borrow that pok-
er and she's used it So much that its all
bent up like cOrkscrew.


Now, take chairs for instance. She
asks us to lend her our chairs three
times a day at every meal, and she bor-
rows the rocking-chair whenever she
wants to put the baby TO sleep.


A couple of times she sent over for
sofa, and when the boy came back with
it he said Mrs. Thompson was mad as
thunder, and kept growing around the
house all day because there were no cas-
tors on it. Last Monday she borrowed
our wash boiler and we had to put of
our washing till Tuesday. She did her
preserving in it, and the consequence
was all our clothes were full of preserv-
ed peaches. I've got on an undershlrt
now that I'm mighty doubtful if Ill
ever get off it's stuck to me SO tight.


Every now and then she has compa-
ny, and then she bouows our hired girl
and all the parlor furniture; once because
l would not carry the piano over for
her and take down the chandelier she
told our girl that there are rumors about
town that | was reformed pirate.


Perfectly scandalous They think
nothing of sending over after couple
OF bedsteads or the entry carpet, and
the other day Thompson says to me:


"Butterwick, does your pump log
pull up easy? 2"


And when l said / thought it did, he
said: ....


"Well, / would like to borrow it for
a few days till can get one, for mines
all rotted away"


The only wonder to me Is that he
didn't try 20 borrow the well along
with it.


And then on Tuesday Mrs. Thomp
son sent that boy over to know if Mrs.
Butterwick wouldn't lend her our front
door. She said theirs was away being
painted and size was afraid the baby
would catch cold. When / asked him
what he supposed we were going to do
to keep comfortable without any front
door, he said Mrs. Thompson said she
reckoned we might tack up a bed quilt
or something And when | refused,
the boy said Mrs. Thompson told him
if / wouldn't send over the front door
to ask Mrs Butterwick to lend her a
pair of striped stockings, and a horse
hair hustle aud to borrow the coal scut-
tie till Monday.


What in the name of Moses she is
going to do with hustle and coal
scutlle cant conceive.


But they're the most extraordinary
people Last fourth of July the boy
came over and told Mrs. Butterwick
that Mrs. Thompson would be much
Obliged if she'd lend her the twins for
few minutes. Said Mrs. Thompson
wanted EN- to suck off new bottle top,
because it made her baby sick to taste
fresh india-ruLber! Cheeky wasn't it ?
But that's the way. She don't mind it
any more.


WHY I've known her to take off our
Johnny's pants when he's been playing
over there with the children, aud send
him home barelegged to tell his moth
err she borrowed them for pattern.
And on Thompson's birthday, she said
her house was so small for party that
If we'd lend her ours we might come
late in the evening and dance with the
company, if We wouldn't let on that we
lived there.


Yes, sir; I'm going to move. I'd
rather live next door to lunatic asy-
lum and have the maniacs pouring red
hot shot over the fence every hour of
the day. Indeed l would.


GpNs OF THoryGUr-A humble fare