Year: 1873

am not dying; heaven has been
merciful to me, and shall live to be
a blessing to him Tor so he fondly
tells mel whose curse had SO nearly
proved. Yet, weak and prostrated as
L am, cannot rest until have writ
ten down the details of my sad story;
for while there is Q chance of their re-
cital deterring such as would tread
the paths well nigh stumbled n,and
that chance remains unheeded, feel
| / have not made all the reparation
which lies in mypower.


L must begin with the beginning OF
my life. My father was an officer in
the Bengal army, but he and my
mother dying within few months of
each other, left me early to the care OF
guardians, who imagined that by
keeping me at a respectable boarding
school from the time 1 could talk
plainly until the age of eighteen, they
amply fulfilled the trust they had un-
dertaken. From my childhood /
knew that when my eighteenth BIRTH
day arrived should be sent out again
to India, not for the mere object of
marriage, but because there is q
shrewd condition attached to the en-
joyment Of1the fund provided by the
Bengal army for its female orphans,
by which, il they are to continue to
draw the allowance made for them,
and which ceases upon marriage, they
must take up residence in the presi-
dency upon attaining marriageable
age.


l had no provision to look to except
that derived from the fund; and my
guardians had neither the wish nor
the ability to maintain me; therefore,
at the time appointed, I set sail for
India alone.


Having no near friends to leave be-
hind me, had looked forward to this
change in my condition as an era in
the life which had been spent in the
monotony of the school-room; but the
reality did not fulfill my expecta'
tions.


Arriving in Calcutta, 1 found my
self dependent on the hospitality OF
friends, to whose care 1 had been con-
fided, if not for actual support, at least
for that protection without which q
young woman can not mix in the
world.


I was proud in spirit, notwithstand-
ing the humbleness of my position,
and after while the knowledge gall
ed me, and I felt L could bear it no
longer. Acting upon this impulse,
and the advice of friends, / made the
fatal mistake, which so many of my
sex have made before me, of accept
ing the first eligible offer which L re-
ceived, and which CHANGED to be from
Laurence Edwards, the rising partner
in large mercantile firm.


/ did not love him. Whatever my
heart feels for him now must record
that here. How could I have loved
him, and yet have this story to relate
of myself2 He was grave, business
| like man, some twelve years Older
than was, and whose disapprobatioI
of my levity was the occasion more
than once of our engagement being
nearly broken off. However, matter:
were made smooth again between US
l liked him as well or better thar
most of the butterflies who were how
ering about me; my acquaintance:
congratulated me on the excellence s
my prospects, and 1 endorsed theil
opinions by becoming his wife. BuI
very shortly after my marriage haC
| q 0oAl SCAONAo AAiAACo-1 ~ q OAlS
indeed that the doctors recommended
an immediate return home as the on
ly means of restoring my health. My
husband could not go with me; he haC
but lately returned from his tour o
pleasure, and the other partner of the
house was away. so he was compelled
to let me depart by myself. He pu
me on board the homeward-bOunC
steamer, was vigilant in providing al
things necessary for my comfort du
ring the passage, and full of caution!
as TO my behavior on my arrival il
England; but he did not express mucl
grief at our separation. That he feI
lit I now know well, but he was
man who could bow himself graceful
| ly to the inevitable; he feared to ex
cite my alarm by appearing to thinl
too much of my state of health, and
attributed his reticence to want o
feeling. ., ...-..


returned to England then as 1 lef
it, alone, and, for the first time
thrown on my own discretion as


guide. Legally 1 was no longer
child, to be looked after and direetet
by guardians, but in reality was jus
as unfit to be my own mistress a
when / left school. Having no fami
ly of my own, except the most distan
connections, first visited that of m,
husband in Scotland, but 1 did nc
stay there long. His eountrified an
, most staunchly Presbyterian relative
scared me with their rigid ways an
doctrines, as doubtless 1 horrifie
them by the laxity of my manners
Having been brought up entirely q
school, and being very foolish and a
] so needless, as became my youth,


had no idea of accommodating my
self to the habits of those prim Scotc


people, and cried myself i'll before


had been q week under their roo


which set them so much against m
that it was . mutual pleasure whe