smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1876

The FASHION BAZAAR. - There are certain
things in life which make one happy. even unto
an ecstacy of joy; but when a man can get suit
of clothing to fit him in every way perfectly and
cut and made in the latest STYLE it is "consum-
nation devouty to be wished" Mr. E. Bell the
best cutter and filter in New Orleans. at No %
St Charles street. can give to one and all entire
satisfaction, both in fit style and goods; if you
doubt it, incredulous reader, go and see him.
Year: 1876

"Dogs," says the Austin (Nevada) Re-
reille, "was the subject Of discussion in
the Sazerac Lying Club last evening. A
number of marvellous tales were told
about dogs, the most remarkable Of
which was about dog belonging to a
member present. He said that one day
while hunting over sagebrush plain
his dog started coyote, which ran into
a squirrel hole. The dog pursued the
coyote into the hole, and in about three
minutes dog and coyote emerged on the u,
distant from where they went in. If a
dog has to travel the same road to
heaven as the rich man that dog will
get there sure, for it could go through
the eye Of cambria needle and never
wet a hair"
Year: 1876

There ig a lady who keeps hotel
along the line Of the Central Railroad
Who's who understands catering better than
she She does the meaning of words. The
other 9th day her son came running in say
mo there was a load Of immigrants at
the the depot. The old lady said % Here,
quick take this basket and get a peck
Of 'em. We want some fresh vegeta-
bles awful bad"
Year: 1876

FEW DEsULToRY REMARKS TO TIE NEW


YORK CLUB.


That inimitable tort, Mark Twain. made
the following of-hand remark at club
supper in New York recently: 1 am de-
lighted at being here, where am and as
am. was told it was to be an informal af-
fair, entirely so, but have been in that trap
before. / remember once in Buffalo being
pressed to go to the most informal kind of
an informsliiy. L skipped up in my
store clothes and found every
one present got up like stud horses.
(Laughter.) Then they had the best of
me, but on this occasion / think rather
have the advantage of you. But il was &C.
cidentaI. i have been lecturing to-day.
and having once got inside suit OF clothes,
and good suit, like to stay there and
enjoy the sensation. If wasn't married
1 suppose / should sleep in them. L
should have been earlier with you and
earlier away, but 1 had taken my wife to
the theatsr, and as she, poor soul, has
the diptherla, was under the necessity
seeing her safely TO her rooms before
could fulfill my obligation to you
and when We come TO be carried BONE
for suppose you are all to be so conveyed
Il should like to take my dose half sober
at least. 1t will look better to the folks at
home. l can't say anything funny, bow.
ever much you may expect il. Fun is
mark etable, and iG would not do to 90
spilling it around where it can do no good.
think you will agree with me in this
and accept my thanks for the pleasure of
being here.
Year: 1876

nap ne Is the nephew or relative of she
chief msgDate of the treasury" Such
were the visions which fitted through the
minds OF numbers ofthe recipients OF the
note, and they


PUT ON A CLEAN NECKcLoTH


and prepared themselves for the expected
ceremony. Half an hour before the time
appointed two young men who have no
regard for dignitits, nor respect for per
sons, stole quietly into the hotel, and sta
toned themselves in the waiting ROOM ad-
joining the main entrance. Three O'Clock
came, and as the hand upon the dial
pointed to the hour, the front door
opened and in walked a stately,
white-choktr gentleman, who pro-
ceeded to the desk and blandly inquired
for "Mr. Bristow," at the same time
exhibiting his note. The urbane clerk re-
piled that there was no such gentleman
stopping in the house, and the 'scleric" de-
parted greatly marveling. He had barely
left the door before another entered, with
speculation in his eye, and he also de-
parted with an expression upon his face
which showed that he believed this world
to be hollow and his doll stuffed with saw
dust. The Rev. j. ID. Fulton was among
the first arrivals, but he saw the joke in an
instant, and


SLIT OUT" WITH SPEED.


The Rev. DR.. Talmage and the Rev. DIR.
Storrs sent notes by telegraph boys, to the
effect that circumstances, over which they
had no control, prevented them from at
tending. A note had been sent to Mr..
Beecher, but the witty Plymouth pastor
wac too keen to be caught with such chat,
and gave no response. One absent minded
clergyman had forgotten his note and
the name, and hunted through
the register for some time
in hopes of finding it. For over
half an hour the flood tide of eccle-
siasticsl inquiry broke in bland muir
murs around that devoted hotel clerk
until upward of thirty members of the
cloth had inquired for "Mr. Bristow."
AS each one discovered the wicked device
which had lured him on aud felt bis crisp
and rustling hopes wither before the
blast of adversely, he turned and de
parted with swiftness which betokened
forgotten engagement or an un-
finished sermon, and with a lively sense OF
the total depravity and utter wicked cess
of mankind. It was noticed yesterday
that some of them prayed vindictively for
the regeneration or the human race. And
these unrepentant and grace-deserted
young men gloried in their shame, and,
when all was over, went out eud COM
forted themselves with warming and nour-
ishment fluids, composed of the juice of
the corn, the rind OF lemon, and withal
little sugar.
Year: 1876

mort. As we read of the Fifth Avenue pro-
ceedings we thought of the Boston council.


We suppose that morals are not Impossible
in politics. and that, upon the whole, 1t IS
better to be right than to be in the majority
What is right every voter must decide ior .in,-
self, though the stiff politician may thihh
otherwise, and may refer inquiring souls 10
the caucus the convention, the committees
Organization is doubtless necessary. Even 'he
Forty Thieves found it so. Prudence, man
aeement, caution, sagac;ty, shrewdness, are
not altogether empty words, but the dcyotees
of party make the mistake of supposlnS that
thew express everything-an error which mere
partisans sometimes expiate by beng Deateh
at the polls within an inch OF Their poilticai
lives. No great advance was ever made IN the
politics of this country without an awakening
of the public conscience. Nothing may lmme-
diatelv come of tie Fifth Avenue meeting ex-
cent the cheering conviction that so many IN
tellicent, cultivated, and sincere men rccog-
nize their relations to society, and comprehend
the duty of honestly voting for candidates
they esteem to be honest. 1t IL al
one of those affairs with which victory
has nothing to do; or rather it Is IN Itself u
victory. Perhaps we may say that its very
failure will be a triumph, if the miss comes OF
n rcsolute refusal to sell out. Differences OF
opinion we must unquestionably have. III q
voter thinks it to be his duty to stay III the
Republican or in the Democratic party, let
him stay there Only let him be sure OF the
duty Moreover, if by word or deed he can
do anything to keep existing parties III the
right way. let the word be spoken or the deed
done! The balance of political power In TINS
country is now and always has been IN the
hands of men who, if they vote mt all, vote
conscieuti0usly. The average politician mas
constantly made the mistake OF undertaking
this class He did so in the days of slavery.
TO what dreadful grief he consequently caine
is known Of all mankind.


The gentlemen of the Conference have fad
a certain kind of fault found with them which,
perhaps, they will easily bear. We have
lived to be told that men may he too
"lcarned,r too "virtuous," too "conscien-
"tious," to have anything TODD with American
politics. If this means anything, 1t means thnt
public affairs should be coniidcd to the ISno-
rant, the vile. and the reckless. We have gone
a great way in the wrong direction, but nos
so hopelcssly far, We trust, as tins would
seem to imply.
Year: 1876

There is clerical person over in Newark who, be.
ing greatly interested in the due observation Oh
Sunday. goes from shop to shop on that day prcnas
ing unlawful beverages and cigars. when MONDAY
dawns lie complains of tho law-brcaking venders'
who are duly fined. This gentleman is described as
an Agent of the Temperance Brotherhood" lie Is
also Methodist minister, and at meeting Iast
Monday of such clergymen he was taken to task Tor
his conduct. There teens to have been no acton
decisive of this matter of casuistry, rs some re-
buked and others appauded the sef-sacrlhcing zeai
of the brother. One point does not appear to have
been raised If the earnestness OF this volunteer
detective should result in well-marked case OF
inebrety, would he be liable to fine and costsI Or
would he be permitted to plead his excellent mo-
tivef We DO not mean to dispute this, but we fear
that the general sentiment Of society woudd DO
rather against the conduct of such phanthropist'
Nobody much likes professional informers lhey
may be useful but they are not generally believed.
There ought to be some better way Of closing the
gin-shops of Newark on Sunday. When men do evil
that good may come of it, they are greatly IN dan
ger Of doing it for its own sake, especially when
their efforts t. ke an alcoholical direction.
Year: 1876

The two important amendments to the Con-


stitution of this State upon which the people
must pass Mt the general election this Fall,
have reached this last stage of their progress
only after nearly n decade of strenuous effort
and agitation. Substantially the same PROPOSE


tons were put forth by the Constitutional
Convention of 1867, but failed of approval.
There were many who saw then rs clearly as
all of us see now the evils of the present sys


TEN of canal and prison management, but the
rings were still powerful enough to do what
they would with the Constitution and the laws.
The Commission which was appointed in 1871
and sat during the two following years re-


ported the amendments in the form in which
they will be voted on next November, and they
were approved by the Legislature of 1873. A
failure to take action upon them by the fol-
loving Legislature made it necessary to go
back to the beginning again, and the Legisla-
ture of 1875, under the stress of public opin


ion, now fully aroused, affirmed them. In the
last Legislature they were introduced on the
first day Of the session by Gen. r. U. Sher-
man, and were pressed through largely by his
aid. The provisions of these amendments have
long since grown familiar to the public They
are substantially the same. Each provides for
the appointment by the Governor and Senate
of q responsible head for the canal and prison
systems, to be termed respectively the Super
intendent Of Public Works and the Supcrin-
tendent OF State Prisons. The former holds
his Office for the term OF the Governor nomi-
Year: 1876

The British Liberals are watching closely the
conduct of tho Government in the Winslow
case. Unless the Earl of Derby prudently re-
treats from his untenable position it is evident
he will be called strictly to account In the
British Parliament.
Year: 1876

1t is not expected that the eloquent Radicals
who advocate general amnesty in the French
Chamber of Deputies will convince the ma
jority that the measure is desirable. Most OF
the Republicans are generously disposed, but
they are restrained by the fear of their party
being connected with the misdeeds of the Com
mune if they should favor general Jail de-
livery.
Year: 1876

The only way in which this country was
identified with the Salonica outrage was that
the carriage of the American Commercial Agent
who is a Greek-was uncercmoniously used
by the Christians for the purpose of Tescuins
the fair convert to lslamism who was the inno-
cent cause of the sanguinary riot. 1t is never
theless good policy for Admiral Worden to go
to the disturbed city with his flagship, since
nearly every great maritime nation has sent
vessels there.
Year: 1876

The meeting this week of the Presbyterian
General Assembly will add one more to the
list of great gatherings during the present
year. Brooklyn is frequently favored as the
place of meeting for religious conventions,
and perhaps Mutual COuncir' is also among
the things of the near future. All this Is
doubtless trying to the hOspitalitics of the
Broollynites, but it necessarily falls to the lot
of the City of Churches.
Year: 1876

The public views with impatience the vexa-
tious delays occasioned by the suits against
the Elevated Railroad. Encouraged by the sue
cess of the Sixth Avenue road, the Ninth
Avenue line is trying its hand at obtaining
ipjunctions. If the issue were decided by as
certaining whether the Ninth Avenue horse
cars serve the public as well as Rapid Transit
road there would soon be an end to this sort
of litigation.
Year: 1876

From the foreshadowed report Of the Sub
Committee on Navy-Yards, it appears probable
that the number of yards is to be materially
decreased, not more than two or three ultl-
mately surviving. OF course there will be
some awful shrieks of locality before the use
less concerns are closed but the hope of effect
ing a great economy will close the public ear
TO the outcries of the sufferers.
Year: 1876

WHEs the President adopted the
policy of appointing staff officers and
not statesmen in his Cabinet he said
that he was responsible for the ad-
ministration and meant to have men
that he could trust. lie appointed
Belknap, when no one had ever heard
of him he continued him in office
after his completely with frauds had
been made clear, and now he rescues
him from the Just anger of the House.
d" Let no guilty man escape"
Year: 1876

STILL UP.-Since the statement to
the effect that there was but about
thirteen millions Of dollars in gold IN
the United States treasury, applIea-
bic to the paymen: of the public debt
except that set aside for interest al,
ready accrued, gold has continued to
command a high premium IN New
York, fourteen per cent and upward,
and there seems little prospect OF al
immediate decline.
Year: 1876

TEE Posi- 1RADER FKAUDs.-Ths entire country
Will approach the seehins lake Of corruption which
has had its fountains at the War Department with
sorrow and Indignation When the magnitude OF
the frauds has been saused there will be sneh an
uprising against the heads OF system which has
flooded the country with disgrace that purity vii
he placed above party and the guilty punished with
full measure OF tue law and that pubic seorn which
Is more terrible sui III lis WItbering elects.
Year: 1876

The weather served us lngenteelly yester-
day. The thermometer did not fall far,
but the weather itself was in quite falling
mood, and there was, as a matter Of course,
much discomfort, with smart peril to foot
passengers. There was enough OF this to
make caterers for the season careful not to
indulge gaiety at the expense OF comfort.
The tendency was to substantial shoeing
and waterproofs, and even furs were thought
OF, while the ulster seemed not excessive.
1t was q healthy reminder, for if the mast
and the goose-bonc are to be trusted, be-
fore the 4th of July we shall have shrill
voices above and around us, and our ears
and noses severely tweaked by the winds.
We shall have some days that will make
ox-tail soup most consoling, and nights that
will call for hot punches with manner so
imperious as not to be resisted.


The purveyors Of Christmas presents still
persist in doing their best for public graft
fication. Come what weather may, they
will suit both the weather and their custom
ers. Everybody will be pleased in the end.
Let us think the "country safe" at least
during Christmas, and take our holiday
without making ourselves unhappy by un-
timely reflections on what we cannot con.
troll.


We return to the delightful task Of making
our customers and our friends better ac-
uuainted with one another. 1t is indescri-
badly felicitouS.
Year: 1876

ININIVN' hJH,tY, JUIIV IJI IofU
On application of the AttorneyGeneral tho
Court Queens Bench to-day granted rule ns return
able June &C. against the Coroner OF Surrey to show
cause why there should not be fresh inquiry either be
fore the Coroner or Commissioners appointed by the
Queens Bench into the death OF Mr.. Bravo, Q
LAWYER of good prospects who died recently under
suspicious circumstances effects OF poison This
case claimed be OF suicide. is known as the BAL
ham mystery" The Attomev-tencral IN bringing tho
matter before the Court said tse former inquiry was
miscarriage of justice. lie Thought the Coroner wrong
In his hypothesis OF suicide He also said he tholxht
there were very good grounds for believing that Mr.
Bravo did commit suicide
Year: 1876

Union issued order announcing that by the Joint
action OF the National Union officers ana the Centennial
Committee OF tho ArchdiOcesan Union Of Philadelphia
the dedication of the Centennial Fountain Will take place
on July T. as announced originally The national parade
of the Union will also he held The National Convention
will be opened. and Archbishop Wood VIII ohicate Ill the
ceremonies at the Cathedral
Year: 1876

relative that the family knew Of no reason whatever Tor


suicide except that he had consumption and MS con-
stitutiOn and health were badly broken down' ioung
the hope OF recovering his health.
Year: 1876

The bill introduced by Senator Sherman TO-
day. prescribing coins Of the United States Is UNDERSTOOD
10 have been prepared by the Director OF the Mint IL
rrvdes that unon the diverse side or face Of all the
ood and yer coins there shall be impression emblem
attic OF Liberty together with Inscription OF the
word Liberty" aud the year Of coinage. Upon the
reverse side of the gold coins, except the gold dollar
there shall be representation of an eagle Win Inc n-
scription "U S. OF America" and the denomination OF
the coin The gold dollar and all the silver COINS except
the trade dollar are bear upon their reverse wreath
together with the denomination, ana the INSCRIPTION,
United States OF America" The llll autnoi1zes tne
Director of the Mint with the approval OF the secretary
of the Treasury TO cause the motto, In Goa we ILus


inscribed such OF the coins as sha AUNT VI lIs
motto.
Year: 1876

The custom house is milestone
around the neck Of any government.
Governor TILDEN aptly remarks, IA
tax that starts in its career by disturb
ing the natural courses of private in
dustry and impairing the productive
power of labor, and then comes to the
consumer distended by profits of suc-
cessive Intermediates, and by insur-
ance against the risk ola tickle or un-
certain government policy and of a
fuctuating standard of value, blights
human well-being at every step when
it reaches the hapless child of toll, who
buys his bread by the loaf and his fuel
by the basket, it robs him of his earn
ings and infiicts starvation" AS Gov
ernor TILDEN is mentioned as proba-
bic candidate for the Presidency,
we quote this paragraph from his
pen that our readers may under
stand his position on the most vital
question now before the American
people. In the very organization
Of this government this question
was brought prominently before Con-
gress. There was a strong opposition
to any tariff at that time, but the Gov
ernment was deeply involved and the
people poor, and it was agreed as
compromise to collect small tariff
upon a few articles Of luxury only,
believing it would Tighten the burdens
OF the laboring classes. But from that
day to the present, the advocates
of the tariff have left no stone unturn-
ell to increase the tariff, not only upon
articles of luxury, but upon every ar
ticle of necessity used by the laborlng
classes. Once or twice this question
so disturbed the Government that civ
Year: 1876

il war seemed eminent, and was
only prevented by the determined
firmness of President JACKSON. The
tariff party, however, were kept in
check until the end of the recent war,
when that party got control of
the Government. By levying tariff
upon every article imported into the
country, and q number of articles
produced by the people, it become
necessary to appoint large army Of
officers. 1t is by the influence of these
officers, and the expenditure of the
money they have embezzled, that the
tariff party has been kept in power.
If all the money that has been filched
from the laboring people by this mi
quitous tariff law, had been paid into
the Treasury of the Government, the
Government debt would have been
paid in full. But to say nothing of
the corrupting influences of the law
and the oppressive burden laid on the
people by theft, and by supporting an
army of idlers and thieves, the very
principles upon which the law is based
is wrong. Perfect equality is the only
enduring basis of Republic. Equali-
ty of right, equality of law and equal
ity in all the pursuits of life. Less
than this is not Democratic Repub-
lie, but a Republican empire or mon
archy. A true Republican Government
should bear equal and exact relations
to all of the people governed. In 9TH
er words, the burdens of Govern
ment should be distributed with i'm
partial justice among all the people.
The only burdens of Government is
the financial cost to support It, To
divide this burden so as to make it bear
exactly equal, every individual must
be assessed in proportion to his ability
to pay in proportion to the amount of
property they own. Any govern
ment based on the idea of the superb
ority of favored class smacks of an
cient feudalism nd is but q wreck of
barbarism. The world has suffered
long enough from feudalism, or laws
to favor classes. Our Government is
based upon the idea that all men are
equal, but collecting customs upon
imports and other indirect taxation
implies class Legislation, and so long
as this prevails the American people
are unequal. 1t taxes the necessaries
of life that ought to be free, and de-
livers them to the p,ople at double
the amount they ought to cost. But
they claim that "the necessities of the
Government compel this course" but
if the Government is for the benefit
and not the oppression of the people,
| where is the necessity OF giving US our
| food and raiment at double price.
| This system taxes mankind for the
privilege of living, and paralyzes his


noblest energies, it fobs him and
leaves him helpless in his misery, and


is nothing but an engine OF oppression.


Property alone should be taxed, and


lmpartially taxed, to defray the ex-


penses of government. Give us free


trade, open our ports to the world, and


let Americans be free and equal The
| Cr,cfop, Houca ic tba ipoubur npop


our commerce and Government, and


through it indirect taxation is suck


ing the very life-blood out of the la


boring people; and unless it be speed


lily changed the people will rise up in


their might and take matters into
their own hands.