Year: 1870

i Against all chambermaids Of what


soever aye or nationality, | launch tie
A curse of Bachelordum


Because:


They always put the pillows at the
opposite end of the bed from the gas
burner, so that W hile you read and smoke
i before sleepiug Gas, the ancient and hon
ered custom of bachelors) you have to
| hold your book aloit, in an uncomfortable
position, to keep the light from dazzling
your eyes. s =
When they find the pillow removed to
the other end Of the bed in the morning.
they receive not the suggestion in


friendly spirit, but glorying in their ab-l
solute sovereignty, and unpitying your 8
/ helpessness, they make the bed just as il


was originally, ard gloat in secret over
the pang their tyranny viii cause you
Always after that, when they find you :
have transported the pillows, they undo Z
your work, and thus DEFY You and sock
/ to embitter the life that God hath given
you.


Ifthey cannot get the light in On in
convenient position any other way they
move the bed 1s
Ifyou pull your trunk out six-inches
from the wall, so that the lid will stay up
when you open it, they always shove
that trunk back again. They do il ON
purpose.


Ii you want the spittoon in certain
spot, where it will be handy, they don't.
And 50 they move it.


They always put the match box in
some other place. They hart up a new
place for it every day, and put bottle or
some other perishable glass thing, where
the box stood before. This is to cause
you TO break that glass thing, cropping
about il the dark, and thus get yourself
into trouble.


They are forever and ever moving the
furniture When you come in, in the
night, you can calculate on finding the
bureau where the wardrobe was in the
moraing, If you leave the soap bucket by
the dnor and the rocking chair by tie
window, aud come in at night, there
about, you will fall over the rocking
chair, and you will proceed toward the
window and sit down in the slop tub
This will disgust you. They like that.
No matter whore you put anything
they wont let it stay there. They wul
take it and move it the first chance they
get. 1t is their nature. And besides; ];
il gives them pleasure to be mean and
contrary this way.


They would die if they couldn't be
villains.


They always save up the old scraps OF
printed rubbish you throw on the floor,
and stack them up carefully on the table,
and then start the fire with your valua-
-hIe manuscripts. If there is any one
par,i, tllaT old scrap that you are moro
down on than any other. and which you
are gradually wearing your life out try
ing 10 get rid Of, you may take all the
nains YOU possibly can in that direction,
/ but it wont be of any use, because they
will always fetch that piece back and put
/ it in the same old place again eyerytime
| 1t does them good.


Aud tIey use more hair than any Blk
| men If charged with purloiping the
same, they lie about it. What do they


care about hereafter Absolutely


no hing.


Ii you leave your key in the door tor
| convenience sake, they will carry it down
to the Office and give it to the clerk. They
do this under vile pretense of trying 10
] protect your property from thieves, but
! actually they do it because they want you
| to tramp back down stairs after it when
you are fired, or put you to the trouble Of
sending waiter for il, which waiter will
expect you to pay him something. In
which case suppose the degraded crca-
lures divide.


They keep always coming to make up
your bed before you get up. thus de-
stroying your rest and inflictirg agony.
upon you, but after you get up. they
don't come any more till the next day.


They do all the mean things they can
think of, and they do them out of pure
cussedness and nothing else.


Chambermaids are dead to every hu-
man instinct.


| have cursed them in behalf of out
ragged bachelordom. They deserve it. If
| can get bill through the Legislature
abolishing chambermaids, mean to do
it.


The gentlemen who appointed them.
selves speciel committee to examine the
tin mines Of Missouri. have made .
very favorable report. They say that
there is found in such abundance that ages
of active industry could not exhaust it.
.'The yield of pure tin" says the conn
mittee, sis from three and seven tenths
per cent. to ten and half per cent. on
the usual assays, and average FIVE and
fifty three hundrcdfhs rer cent.


True RELIGIoN.-Lamps do not talk
they simply ahine- A light house sounds
no drum, it beats no gong, and yet far
over the waters Its friendly spark is seen,
by the mariner. So should it be with
religion, which should be proclaimed