Year: 1870

When I married my econd wife she was
dreadful set about going off on bridal tour.
| told her she had better wait six months or a
year, and I'd try to go with her; but she said
she'd rather go alone-when a woman was
travelling man was an out and out humbug.


So gave her seventy five cents, and told |
her to go off and have a good time. | never
begrude money where my wifes happiness is |
concerned. My first wife never could com
plain OF not going any where, for I'm dreadful |
fierce to 90 off on good time myself, and al |
ways was. | won't pretend to >ay how many
times took her to see the engine squirt, and |
there is no end to the free lectures let her go
to: The neighbors used to say, 1t does beat
all how the SINNERS do go"
When Signor Blitz was in Sunkville, with
his wonderful Canaries, he gave my wife
! complimentary ticket. l not only sold that
ticket for my wife, but | gave her half the
money don't boast of it, though | only
| Inertion it to show how much l thought Of my
wife'> happiness


don't think any man ought to get married
till he can consider his wife's happiness only
second 20 his own. John Wise, n neighbor of
mine, did thusly, and when | got married I'd
do like Wise


But the plan didn't work in the case Of my
second wife No, | should say not broach-
ed the subject kindly


MaCludi Salu, suppose you are
aware that am now your lord and master ?'
" Not much you ain &, said she.


Mrs Skinner" | replied, "you are fear.
fully demo allied. You are cranky" And l
brandlShed my new sixty-two cent umbrella
wildly around her.


She took the umbrella away from me, and
locked me up in the clOthes-press


am quick to draw an inference, and the in
terence drew here was that was not a sue
cess as a reOrganizer of female women
After this, | changed my tactics | let her
have her own way, and the plan worked to a
| charm from the very first. 1t is the best way
OF managing wife that know of. Of course
this Is between you and me.
| SO when my wife said she was bound TO go
| of on bridal tour anyhow, | cordially assent
ed. go, Matilda. said |, land stay as long
as you want to- then if you feel as though
YOU would like to stay awhile longer, stay, my
| dear, stay.


| She told me to stop talking, and go up stairs


and get her red flannel night-cap, and that bag


Of pennyrOyal for Aunt Abigail


My wife is very smart woman. She was
Baxter, and the Baxters are a very smart fam


lily indeed. Her mother. who is going on


eighty, can fry more slspjacks now than half


these primped up city girls, who rattle on the
pianos, or else walk the streets with their fur


bellows and hxings, pretending to get mad if a





ting mad in earnest if you don't take any no.


tice OF them at all


All girls amt what they used to be when
was young, and the fellows are worse STILL
When | went cnurtng for instance, | never
Z thought Of staying till after ten O. clock and
only went twice a week. Now they 60 seven
/ nights in a week, and cry because there ain I
e eight Then they write touching notes to each
; other during the day:


Dear George, do you love me as much as
: you did at quarter past twelve last night. Say
1 you do, dearest, and it will give me courage tn
: 90 down to dinner and tackle them cold beans
8 left over from yesterday"
t "Well, well, | suppose they enjoy them


selves, and it amt for us old folks, whose
i. hearts have got little callouslng by long wear
h to Interfere. Let them get together and cour
d if they like it, and | think they do wa
d forty seven when courted my present wife
| hut it seemed just az nice to set on a cricket a
a her feet, and let her smooth my hair, as it diC
e thirty years ago.


It As said before, my wife is very smart wo


man; but she couldn't be anything else and b.
i a Baxter. She used to give lectures on WO
= mans Rights, and in one place where she lee
y tured big co lege conferred the title of L. L
: D., upon her. But she wouldn't take it.
= No gentleman" said she, "giVe it to tn
It poor"


is She was always just so charitable. Sh


gave my boys permission to go barefooted al
IF winter, and insisted upon it 50 much in he
8, kind way that they couldn't refuse.
IS She fairly dotes on my children, and Tv
% seen her many time go to their trowsers pock
d ct and take out their penknives after they
lr got to sleep, and put them in her bureau drawe
70 for fear they might loose them.
h