smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1871

Still has his office Main Street, In the second
story of Dr. :. Waltons brick building, nearly oppo-
site the StroudSburg House, and he matters himself
that by eighteen wears constant pracce and the most
earnest and careful attention to all matters pertaining
TO his profession that he is fully able to perform all
tons in the dental line in the most careful, taste
Ial and skilllul manner.


Special attention given to saving the Natural Teeth
also TO the insertion of Artificial Teeth on Rubber,
Gold Silver Continuous Gums, and perfect hts In
all cases insured.


Most persons know the great folly and danger oil en-
trusting work TO the inexperienced or to those
living at distance. AprlI is, lo'i.-Iy
Year: 1871

The editor is one of the most happiest
animals in the world, especially if some
of his subscribers won't pay. Ee can go
to the circus, afternoon and evening, with
out paying a cent, that is, il he will do
great deal Of printing for few tickets !;
he can also go to inquests and hangings.
lie has free tickets to picnics and straw
berry festivals fhc is troubled with the
"big head" and has more brass than
brains; gets wedding cakes sent to him,
and sometimes gets licking, but not Of
ten, for he can take things back in his
next issue, which he generally does. [
never knew but one editor to get licked.
His paper busted that day, and he couldn't
take anything back. While others have
to go to bed early, the editor can sit up
late every night and see what is going
on. When | get to be man mean to
be an editor, so that | can stay out late
at night. Then that will be jolly The
editor don't have to saw wood, or do any
chopping except with his scissors There
is great many people trying to be edi-
tors who cant, and some of them have
been in the profession for years. If L
were asked if | had rrther have an educa-
ton or be circus raider, I should say,
let me be an editor. 1t is fun to be
swindled by scape goat subscriber.
Year: 1871

: The EcclcrinstIcaI Conference at Fuida.


The North German bishops have certainly
rushed matters through at Fulda. We are
informed, by special despatch to the
HERALD, that the conclave of the ecclesIastics
has been short, decisive and effective. Hav-
ing considered the manner in which they In
tend henceforward to celebrate divine service,
and set aside restrictions that have hitherto
bound them against what their opinions die
tated, they have come forward boldly and pub
lished their resolutions. The great question
Of the hour-the infallibility dogma-has re-
ceived their attention, and, though nothing is
positively known of the details of the discus
sion upon the subject It is patent that in q
measure they have repudiated 1t by setting
aside and 9mitting the high mass in
their morning services, without con-
sulting His Holiness upon the
change. Yesterday, preamble and
resolutions were brought In and laid before
the Bishops. These resolutions were like
mortars heavily charged against the Prussian
Minister, Muller. They charged this states
man with mercenary motives In his conden,-
nation of their actions, and not only do they
dispute his right to interfere with them, but
they positively repudiate him; and in all their
future deliberations on Church questions they
are determined to disregard his DEGREES, no
matter If they are forwarded from the Privy
Council in Berlin, with the seal of the Emperor
still wet upon them. ae,.1a 81.
In addition to the strong language employed
in the frst portion of the resolution they are
determined to petition the Reichstag, and
have ordered that two copies of the petition be
prepared, the one to be laid before the Reich
stag and the other to be personally presented
to the Emperor of Germany, demanding
redress for the insults they have received at
the hands of his Privy Councillor. This means
the removal of Muller, who must be replaced
by man favoring the views of the Bishops
and ready to progress with the march of civil
lization. The practical results of this gather
ing Of the heads of the Church at Fulda
appear to be a remodelling of the Church SER
vice and a review of the relations between
themselves and the Vatican, denial of the
right of the Prussian Cabinet to interfere with
matters connected with the Church and an
endeavor to have Minister Muller replaced by
a Minister ready to concede instead of inn
peding. ga.glhE rI
Year: 1871

THE MURDER AT TIE CALEDoNIAN Picnic in
Jones' Wood, on Thursday night, was one of
The most unprovoked homicides that the
records of crime in this city have shown for
many day. The murderer escaped, and is
still at large 1t ought to be easy enough for the
police to secure the young rufians that thus
brought gbastly murder into the pleasant
enjoyment of happy festival, and we insist
upon their exerting their detective powers to
some purpose In this case.
Year: 1871

A BIG DELEGATION of Southern editors
called upon President Grant yesterday and
grumbled about the lack of patronage for their
papers. The President listened to the grum-
blers with his customary complacence, and,


naturally enough, gave them no very cheering
answer
Year: 1871

BEN BUTLER made speech at Milford,
Mass, last night which was interrupted By
catcalls and Kisses during the greater part of
Its delivery. The novelty of Bcn's address
is wearing of now, and people are beginning
to weigh him impartally.
Year: 1871

THE BROOKLYN JURY have found that Miss
Post came to her death by brutal and inhuman
treatment received at the bands Of DR.. Perry
and Mrs. Van Buskirk, and the two were held
to await the action of the Grand Jury. The
father, mother and brother Of the victim were
severely censured in the verdict for their un-
natural conduct in sending their daughter to
ON abortionist; but it must be remembered that
they placed the girl there not to have an
abortion performed upon her, but to screen
her from the shame Of her guilty commerce by
keeping it secret from her neighbors in the
little gossipng town where she lived.
Year: 1871

+ The DOIIingor Movement In Germany
1t would seem as II at last the D6lnger
party bad triumphed at the Bavarian Court. s
1t has been known to us that for some time
past the young King and his Ministers were
undecided. The Dollinger movement brought
about crisis in the Cabinet and led to q
change of Ministry. The new Ministry is of
more decided type. One of its first public
acts reveals its character. The Bavarian
Minister at Rome was opposed to the 'sold
Catholics" and Of course in sympathy with
the Pope and his Vatican DEGREES. His sue
cessor. Couot Trautmansdorf, belongs to the
party Of reform. His appointment to Rome 10
an emphatic protest against the dogma of infal-
libility and the Vatican DEGREES generally.
The Vatican y la a state 9f wild alarm. The
blow Is felt Bavaria having thus 80 en-
phatically declared herself il is feared that
Austria will follow, and the danger is all the
greater that the immense power of North Ger
many is on the side Of the reformers. It will
not be wonderful if we have another ehcych-'
cal from the Holy Father full of laudations Of
the faithful and as full of denunciations Of the
unfaithful. Rome is In new danger, q dan
ger still greater than the loss of the temporali-
ties, and it is no longer doubtful that either
Rome must yield and 60 back upon the vati-
can DEGREES or new Catholic Church will be
established IN South Germany, The venerable
and much-respected Head of the Church Of
Rome will no doubt protest; but his protests,
no matter in what language couched or how
multiplied, will have no power in resisting the
inevitable march of events. A grand new
sensation is evidently in store for us. s0f
Year: 1871

The method of initiating a candi-
date into Lodge of Good Templars
is but slight improvement upon
the same programme SO long IN
vogue by the ancient and honorable
| fraternity of the sons of Malta. \
chap was taken from lager beer
saloon when he got tight" without
knowing that lager would intoXicate,
and was put through cold water
treatment by the Good Templars,
and gives the following exposure of
their initiation ceremony, for which
no doubt, he will be put through an
other course of cold water ''sprouts'
at the next meeting of the Lodge:


In the first place, the victim for
initiation is blindfolded, bound hand
and foot and thrown into a cider
press. where he is pressed for five
minutes. This is done for clearing
his system of ''old drinks" He is
then taken out of the cider-press,
and. by means of a force pump,
gorged with cistern water, after
which scaling plaster is placed
over his mouth. and he is rolled in a
barrel four or five times across the
room, the choir at the time singinga a
cold water song. He is now taken
ont of the barrel and hung by his
heels till the water runs through his
ears. He is then cut down and
beautiful young lady holds him a
glass of water. He is then made to
read the Water Works Actten times,
drinking a glass of cistern water be-
tween each reading. After this the
odd oaken bucket is hung around
his neck, and fifteen sisters with
squirt guns deluge him with cistern
water. He is then forced to eat a
peck of snow, while the brothers
stick his ears full of icicles. He is
then run through clothes wringer.
after which he Is handed glass of
cistern water by young lady. He
IS again gorged with cistern water,
and his boots filled with the same.
and then he is laid away in refrig-
orator. The initiation is almost
concluded. After remaining in the
refrigerator for the space of half an
hour, he is taken out and given a
glIss Of ciStern water. run through
clothes wringer, and becomesa Good
Templar.
Year: 1871

ToOTHACHE.-An editor out West
gives the following sure cure for
toothache. We want it understood,
however, that. so far as we are con-
cerned. the same conditions must be
observed as those imposed by the
author of the following:


Pulverized alum and common salt
put on a piece of cotton and chucked
into a hollow tooth Will shut up its
aching SO quick that you will want
to hug us for telling you; but you
cannot unless you have a certificate
of good moral character, are mar
ried woman, and over twenty-five.
Year: 1871

THOSE EDITORS A Ca iforniar
is puzzled to know how to get ahead
of those editors" He says that al
effort to deny them information Is
certain to result in wholesale pub
lication of what ought not 20 be
known. Whenever they are sued
for libel the plaintiff in the case gets
whipped. Whenever fellow goes
for them with horsewhip, he Knows
how it is himself-that is, how the
horsewhip is If they are attacked
through the papers, they invariably
get in the last lich; and if they are
demonstrated with, the affair is re-
ported at length as one Of those in
terviews. But he tiatters himself
that after all he knows how to fix
them. We shall, says he. paste a
slip of paper inscribed with the ten
commandments over the sally-pOrt
of a hornets nest, and leave the con-
Germ on the editors desk. The vii
lain can't stand the decalogue; he
can't see it without dropping every
thing. and methodically violating
each sepcrate injunction; he is as
certain to punch his fist through
that paper as was Ulysses to unseal
his sack of storms If this man
wants to die, he had better try the
thing on, that 5 all.
Year: 1871

\ WHAT-YoU-MAY - Some
body has been trying to play some
thing on an Iowa editor. Hear him


They sent home with our washing
yesterday a thing that branches Oft
in two ways a little below the top
like a railway junction, and has
puckered frills edged with letting
on each end of the divide. We don t
know what it is, and We're a poor
friendless man, with only our virtue,
and none but villains would seek to
injure that.
Year: 1871

When do mean to marry p


'Tis idle to dispute with fate;
But if you choose to hear me tell,


Pray listen while fix the date.
When daughters haste with eager feet,
"a mothers daily toll to share,
Can make the puddings, which they eat


And mend the stockings which they wear
When maidens look upon man


As in himself what they would marry,
And not as army soldiers scan


A sutler or a commissary.
When gentle ladies who have got


The offer of lovers hand,
Consent to share his g earthly lot


And do not mean his lot of land.
When young mechanics are allowed


To find and wed the farmers girls,
Who don't expect to be endowed


With rnbies diamonds, gems and pearls.
When wives, in short, shall freely give


Their hearts and hand to aid their spouses
And live as they were wont to live


Within their sires' onc-story houses.
Then, madam-if I'm not too old


Rejoiced to quit this lonely life,
I'll brush my beaver, cease to scold,


And look about Inc for wife.
Year: 1871

An Irishman was speaking Of the
excellence Of a telescope: "Do you
see that wee speck on the edge of
the hill yondcr? That, now, is my
old pig, though barely to be seen
but when [ look at him with my
glass, it brings him SO near that |
can plainly hear him grult.'
Year: 1871

Young ladies have a very cXtrava-
CANT way Of speakiny-whcn marry
do not intend to work ! | should
like to have q large house, servants,
carriage, box at the opera, etc. in
deed to hear some Of them talk, you
would suppose they intended to make
life gala day. Now, young ladies:
beware of speaking this way, for |
am sure you do not mean one-half
you say; beware of the man who
promises all these things-who says
his wife should not go for glass OF
water for herself. That wife, you may
be sure, will have to work hard,
Talleyrand says that language was
given to deceive mankind. Extrava-
gance of dress is a great fault OF the
times; the necessary wardrobe OF Il
lady is not 50 expensive as in former
times, but when you count up the
trimmings, ~chignons, curls and all
the false hair, which fashion requires,
deforming their appearance in what
might be termed swelled heads, we
we're thinking we would have little
respite from Dame Fashions edicts,
but we are blessed with a greater
variety of fashion than ever. TO an
independent mind it is relief, gives
her choice of styles, but how many
women do you see centented to dress
without flowers and false hair. A
lady can spend a great deal of money
on her dress and still be simply at
tired; simplicity always bespeaks the
true lady. Who wishes to dress like
savage, with such gaudy colors as
to attract the notice of every passer-
by?


We know q young lady who takes
the superintendence' of her mothers
house, makes all the dresses of the
family, as we'll as her own, in style
which would do credit to an accom-
plished dressmaker, drives her sisters
to school every morning, gives them
music lessons, finds time for quite a
large correspondence, is very supe-
rior cook, always cheerful; but she is
mortgaged property, as you might
know. Her mother is not anxious for
her to marry so as to get her off her
hands. l shall tell the young men
thev do not find this kind of young
lady passing her time On the street
or in trivolities, though | will tell
YOU a secret. There are few more
of the same sort, but yon must seek
! them to find them. This kind of a
wifa Solomon sets above the price OF
rabies. When misfortune overtakes
v,u she will be like the vine to the
oak; become your moral supporter in
time of trouble. How many of oul
women are taking care Of their fami.
lies to-day who have never had to
think of money, except to crafty
their whims and wishes. l have
known three happy couples who,
when they were married, the gentle
men paid the last cent to the priest
Two of them died rich-the third
one left competency. Five sons in
six have become distinguished.


Happiness, like honor and fame
from no condition rises.
Year: 1871

y man broke a chair over his
wife's head a week or two ago. When
he got to jail, and the clergyman I'M
dertook to talk with him, he display
ed a good deal Of penitence. He said
he was very sorry that he had per-
mitted his anger to obtain the mas
terry of him, and to suffer him to do
such an act, because it was a good
chair, one Of those old fashioned
chairs, which was an heirloom in his
family, and he. was sure he could
never replace it.
Year: 1871

THE DOG AND THE LOBSTER
A man who is very found of Holsters
was wistfully regarding a basket of
them in the market, with his dog by
his side, while another bystander
was sticking the end of his cane into
one of the disengaged claws of a big
fellow at the top. "How he does
hold on!" said the man with the
cane. eyes" responded the man
with the dog, but it's because he
dents the cane, and his claws won't
slip on the wood. But he couldn't
hold on to a dog, or you or me, in
that way. When he feels anything
giving, a lobster always stops pinch
in" q I think not" said the owner
of the basket; "put your dogs tail
in that there claw, and you'll see
whether he'll hold on tot or not.n
No sooner said than done; the
lobstcr-lovcr lifted up his dog, drop
ped his tail into the open claw, which
closed instanter, and the dog, "as
smit by sudden pain,' ran off, howl
ing, at the top Of his speed. "Hallow
| exclaimed the owner, " whistle back
You dog! he's running off with the


lobster." ''Whistle back your lob


sterm rcjoined the other; that dog


amt coming back; that dogs in


pain; 1 can't get him to come near
me when he's in pain"
Year: 1871

A North Carolina paper, as all in
stance of the changes of fortune
wrought by the war, states that q A
widow lady from the country was in
town Tuesday, hunting a cooks
place in some nice family. Many
years ago her grandfather owned 15O
slaves and six plantations, and at
the close of the war her father had q
bushel of gold. Her husband was a
poor man, and died in the war, and
now this independent and worthy
widow woman prefers to cook in some
nice family rather than live depen
dent Oh other folks.'
Year: 1871

A young man in Kentucky, who
undertook to open country store in
the mountains of East Tennessee,
came to speedy ruin because he was
- too nippy" for that region. He
wore a stoye-pipe hat, had his boots
.blacked each day, and mounted a
fresh paper collar every morning, all
of which served to disgust the ma
tiyes, who said he put on too much
Kentucky blue grass society style
| for them. But still lie was endured
until the women learned that he had
his shirts made to button up behind.
That they could not and would not
stand; and when the fair sex turned
against him, all further struggles
against fate became useless. The
young mans stock i'll trade was dis


posed Of by the Sheriff.
Year: 1871

Years came and went. The little
chestnut girl passed as entirely out
of Ralph Moore's memory as if
pleading eyes had never touched
the soft part in his heart; but Mary
Lee never forgot the stranger who
had given her the silver half crown.
Year: 1871

The promised allies Of the Passive Policy,
the moderate Republicans, have one plank iu
their platform which meets with our appro-
val--that is the one term principle. We ap-
prove of it because it means opposition to
Grant, the most absolute despot this country
ever saw, and because we believe it to be for
the best interest of free people.


Lii these degenerate days as soon as the
master Of the White House becomes comfort
ably seated in the Presidential chair his atten-
ton is diverted from the true interest Of the
people aud directed to serving the party that
placed him in power. With this end in view
his recommendations are party colored, bis
appointments the reward for party service,
and the appoiutees in turn magnify their
chief, and devote their best energies in pro-
curing his re- election aud their own reteution
in place.


Let the reflective principle be abolished
for one term at least, aud our President will
then become the President of the people, the
temptation to barter for reelection will be
gone, the best men appointed to Office and
the dishonest discharged without fear of Of
Tending party favorte.-Hartord Dem.
Year: 1871

A communication has been received at the
Treasury from the counsel for the defendant
in the celebrated Tichborne case in England,
in which the Secretary is asked to furnish him
all the information in his possession concern
1854, of all registered vessels Of the United
States bearing the name of the Osprey. 1t
will be recollected that in the evidence in this
Tichborne estates was passenger on board
an English vessel named the Bella, which
foundered off Rio, on the South American
coast, and that he was picked up, among
others, by the captain of an American vessel
named the Osprey.
Year: 1871

The Secret Of OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES of
Grecian mould, we'll turned neck and beauti-
fully rounded arms, are no doubt very nice
things to have, and ladies who possess these
charms have reason to be thankful to Mother
Nature; yet, after ALL the most captivating OF all
womanly charms is pure. fresh and brilliant
complexion. This superlative fascination any
lady may secure by using HAGAs's MAGNOLIA
BALM, the standard beautifying preparation of
the present age. Ii differs from all ordinary
cosmetics in three most essential particulars, in
asmuch as it contains no injurious ingredients,
does not contract or shrivel the skin as all the
astringent .blooms, - slotions'' and "powde RS"
eventually do, but produces lasting loveliness
by improving the health of the skin. Under its
operation the texture of the epidermis becomes
finer and the surface soft as velvet and smooth
as porcelain. Features cannot be changed, but
compilations can, and it is quite certain that
lady with no other charm than fresh and rosy
company than her neighbor with classic face
but sallow skin.
Year: 1871

The recent cold weather has and still con-
tinues to interfere materially with the regular
arrival Of our mails. The delay and inconve-
nience caused thereby is decidedly annoying.
but as it is the work Of the Ice King. we sup
pose there is no other resource than to SUBJ
NIT patiently and without murmuring. "Oh
for the Railroad, is the prayer that involun-
tarily gushes up in every heart hereabout at
this time.
Year: 1871

nT Mcclellan, the murderer, who is best
known on account of the fact that he was Mr..
Vallandigham's client when the latter killed
himself. has been acquitted of the charge for
which he was on trial when that tragic event
occurred. The testimony against Mcclellan
was SO completely direct that the people Of
Hamilton, Ohio, the town in which the trial
took place, very strongly demonstrated against
the verdict of the jury, aud most probably
would have reversed it by the execution Of
their judgment against the accused, had he
not taken warning and fed in time to escape
iynching.
Year: 1871

With the close of the old aud the advent
of the New Year, so near at hand, We make
our customary salaam and tender our friends
our best wishes for Happy New Year
May the closing Of the incoming year prove
to our friends as happy and auspicious as its
openinpl
Year: 1871

do it, and the bill which forms the subject Of
this article, short and simple in its terms, if


passed by Congress, will give the first 10 the
long train of blessings which are about to


dawn upon an oppressed and patient people.
Year: 1871

I send you, ifnot new. a sure cure for
boven Pour down the animal q gill
or more foil, or melted grease Of any
kind, and q cure will be effected in
from ten TO twenty minutes.


A SuBscRIBKR.
Year: 1871

THREE DAYS MARRIED.-Not long
since there was a couple married in
this city, and the loving pair seemed
to enjoy married life hugely for about
three days, when the happy ~ bride
informed her faithful spouse that she
loved another better than he to whom
she was welded. The disconsolatc
husband hastily packed his cotton va.
lise with dirty shirt and clean collar,se-
cured passage on the propeller Wcno-
ma, and bid farewell to Alpcna,
never to "turn back to the girl he lett
behind him." and we believe has not
been heard of by any one in these
parts since.