Year: 1876

said they ought to be heard from
often. I suppose we are as restless
a set of mortals about this town as
ever peopled a planet. We don't
want to be easy, we can't be quiet,
and we won't be contented. We all
imagine, every one of US, that we
are built with our gable ends to the
road of happiness and our faces
fronting the swamps and marshes
of misery. So we turn and turn
about like a kitten after its tail and
accomplishing Just about as much.
l am afraid this hot summer has
caused all the gravy of grace and
goodness to run out of US; fried all
the fat of faith from our moral and
religious systems, and left us as
worthless as a parcel of apple pun
ace after the sweet cider of saliva
ton has been squeezed therefrom.
But 1 guess it's all right. If man
had not been made to locomote he
would not have been placed upon
pedestals, but would have been
placed with his big end upon the
ground, and, perchance, take root
to enable him to preserve his per
pendicular in a high wind.


The young folks who launched
their little barques a few weeks ago
upon the sea of matrimony, have,
up to this time, had a ''wet sheet
aud a flowing. sea-" but we would
not be surprised if after a smooth
and prosperous voyage they are
suddenly overtaken with a sguqR.
MatFo-mania is still prevailing about
here to an alarming extent.


"Our days of festival seem dull


Unless fond woman's near;


For, like ray of sunshine,


Is woman everywhere"


If men could find some new way
through which to creep into exist
ence without the aid of feminines
they wouldn't enjoy themselves, be-
cause there would be something
wanting, and that something would
be woman. 1t looks a little para
doxical to say that woman is the
thing wanting when it is well known
that woman is always wanting some
thing.


The old bachelor of whom "Mint
Julip" said there was nothing Amiss
in Ida-lizing a woman went over a
few evenings ago to see the Rhinoc-
eros of his affections, and had the
misfortune to loose his horse, sad
die and bride from the rack, and
the last that was heard from him
mean the old bachelor-he was
sitting straddIe of the HORSEBACK,
singing,


Crack back, Davy, daddy shot a bear,
Shot him in the eyeball and didn't touch
a hair"


He has found his horse, however,
and as for his saddle, he can ride
without one; and says he wouldn't
consent to go to Heaven unless the
tickets were so arranged as to admit
a gentleman and two ladies. There
is more than one old bachelor in
this neighborhood who never luxu-
rated in the tell clover of connubial
bliss. One OF them has got meas
ured for a wife though, and ex-
poets to conjugate as soon as the
somewhat diyerging rays Of affec
ton can be brought little more to
a focus through the burning lens OF
love. Every one of you ought to
get married.


"Don't tell me you havn't got time,


That other things claim your attention
There's not the least reason or rhyme


In the wisest excuse you can mention.
Don't tell me about "other fish,


Your duty is done when you buy 'em
And you meyer will relish the dish
Unless you've a woman to fry 'em.


The fair flower of Lawrence which
Mint Julip expected to be trans
planted into this genial cline had
like to have been caught out by the
cold blasts of winter which come
once Per-year, but the Per-year got
caught: himself, and had a piece o.
ice thrust under his shirt and his
stomach collapsed. By the way
one of Giles Roses is in some dan
ger of being caught out by the
frosts of Lawrence, if not removed
by some appreciative hand to the
hot house of mis- heart.


Wen now receive the benediction
Blessed are they that love and de-
courting by moonlight, for they fee
so romantically and funny all over
Blessed are they that are married
for they bless one another. BIesse,
are they that are single, for thei
: dreams of matrimony are as down,
as the breast of a young duck.
K. n. PEPPER.





The New York Sun is authorit,
for the statement that Boss Shep