Year: 1871

Abstract of Josh Billings's Lecture ON


this Topic.


Natural history is the science
above. All things that crawl, swim,
fly, creep or wiggle have bio
graphy. Although the ant is sew
eral times smaller than the elephant,
it has the same biography that he
has. The instincts Of animals are
their biography. The cockroach is
a bug at large. He is one of the
Injuries of civilization. He is easy
to domesticate, and yields gracefully
to ordinary kindness. He is one OF
a numerous family, and may often
be seen with the naked eye climbing
the sugar bowl. He is born on the
first Of May and the first Of Septem-
Der semi-annually; and is ready for
use in fifteen days. Their food
does not seem to be so much what
they eat as what they get into.


There is nothing more interesting
to notice than a rooster. lie is the
prize-fghter of birds. 1t is more
than fun to hear them crow. Roos-
ters, as class, do but little house
hold work. They employ their time
in growing and strutting.


The bugbear comes from an i'm
aginary egg, and is hatched i'll an
imaginary manner. They are COM
posed of the bug and the bear.
They are like a young wild pigeon,
the biggest when they are born.
Bugbears are plenty is this world,
but nobody ever sees them except
those who are looking for them.


The lecturer then read an essay
on kissing. The only way to define
a kiss, he said. was to take one, and
then sit down and sing. kissing
an unwilling pair of lips has but
little poetry in it. Kissing, like
other good things, is anonymous.
Adam got the first kiss. He was
not the man who could pass such a
hand. Angle worms are Of earth
earthly, and crawl for living. 1t
is said that angle worm oil, if rub
bed on the back Of a mans neck
will cure falsehood-if it kills the
man. Tree toads are the only
branch of the toad family who can
climb tree without boosting. When
a toad is on tree he conforms to
the customs of the tree. They are
good city singers. They have more
music than voice.


/ divide all kinds of snakes into
one heap, to-wit: the pestiferous.
They have a large amount Of anti
guilty. Eve was imposed upon by a
snake. They travel Oh the lower
side of themselves, and 90 most
fluently down hill. They are am
phibious, and those who infest the
water is the eel.


Mud turtles live in the shell of a
house-to which they get attached.
They belong to the class known as
a close corporation. They never
build a house, they cannot fill ii
themselves. Love is like the mea-
sells. We can't have it bad but
once, and the later in life we have
it the tougher it goes with us. A
coquette in love acts as silly as a
mouse in box trap. He who does
good thing secretly steals a march
on heaven. The goose is grass
animal, but can't chew the cub.
They are good feeders. The goose
lays one egg at time, in which the
goslin lies hid. The goose is very
good eating, but not good chewing.


The swine almost always has
four legs. They existed a long time
before the flood. They always eat
what is set before them and never
ask any questions. The swine can
be learned great many amusing
things. Swine has q great deal OF
contrary genius. They can all root
well.


The smallest animal of the brute
profession is the pesky flea. They
spring from low places and bite
worse than the mosquito, and often.
er, because they bite as they run
One flea will fly all over anybody in
two minutes, 1t is impossible to
do anything well with a flea on you
except swear, and they arc not
afraid of that. If you ever catch a
flea kill him before you do anything
else.


Next to the monkey, the crow has
the most deucedncss to spare. An
educated crow is actually worse
then a quack doctor. They live
on what they can find anything il
not tied fast. They are not con
sidercd find eating by good judges
Nature made the crow and l didn't


Jersey lightning is cider brandy
three hours old, and quicker than
flash. Three doses day will
tan mans throat. If man can
survive the first three years, he is
all right for seventy-fve years more
When it is first madc it tastes like
turpentine and Cayenne pepper
The first horn will make mai
think he has swallowed gaslight
One bottle of sarsaparilla is fata
to the drinkist as a rifle ball to q
musquito.


The clam is Dubious plant, and
resides on the under side of the
water. He is early deserted by his
parents, and never travels lnucl
except on his muscle. CLANS was
first discovered in the same way
that measles was-by boing ketch
ed.


The hornet is red-hot child n