Year: 1873




sIA .izE BLEsSEDNEss.


Report Of n 1nn wEse kept house while
s His3svife was OF for the Summer.


Ny wife has gone away for the
summer, and left me in full charge Of
the house. | like IL; havn't had such a
run of liberty since we were married.
/ hope she's having good time, for l
can now exercise my rights as the
head of the family. Can't do It when
she's at home; she'll not stand it.
She has rules, and makes everybody
about her toe the mark. But I've got
her now, and am having things my
own way.


This morning ] came home quite
early. 1t was a. m. I'd been to the
club and got caught out in the rain.
For half an hour l couldn't find the
key-hole, which must have got mis-
laid, felt for it everywhere, and
even got down in the yard and exam
ined every brick, but couldn't find It.
Twas in the act of calling one Of my
neighbors, and asking him who had
carried off my front door, when l
happened to find it and got into the
house.


In the dark kicked over spittoon,
but luckily didn't get any of the to-
bacco juice on my boots. hung my
overcoat and umbrella on . prong of
the chandelier, let them drip on the
parlor carpet, went up stairs and turn
ed In with my boots on. thought 1t
wasn't worth while to pull them of,
g would have to get up In eight or
ten hours anyhow. If my wife had
bscn IT home she'd have had me look
ing an hour for the boot-jsck, and I
would have lost that amount Of rest,
which my system 30 much needed.
Besides, she'd have made mo give .
full account of myself, which I don't
like to do. I never did believe In
praising myself. It's better to let
others speak Of ones virtues. I can
now wear shirt week and it's mo-
body's business. don't see how I
ever did get along with that woman.
The idea of having to put on clean
shirt, black my boots, and brush up
my clothes every morning, Is simply
ridiculous. II IL miracle to me how
II ever did and attend to my Office If
fairs. now read the morning paper
without being forced to see an impa.
tient woman standing with her dress
in one hand, looking very miserable,
and finally telling me she Is going
down town and wants that paper.
Any one, to look at the house now,
would know there's NO women about
everything is SO quiet and comforta-
BILE and handy. II want to do lit-
tie figuring don't have to hunt up .
pencil, or pen or Ink, but just sit
down to one of the tables and do it
with my finger, and there's nobody to
be eternally welding dusting brush
around my bed and telling me to get
out of the way until the house is clean
ed up. These are considerations that
every married man should ponder
over. But when we do ponder aud
resolve, what good does it do2 That's
the question which is now agitating
the American people. What good
does it do? Not bit. II these w0-
men can't have everything just their
own way, they swoon off into hyster-
les. AS consequence, we haye to
pay q fifty dollar doctors bill, and
stay. In the ha..se al dag, -fAaainH tlesa.
and promising In. the end that 1--WE
may be hspgy yst.s s5, bsfSre Sreay they show
wives are petted too much. And this
reminds me that mine won't yield to
any other treatment. I undertook to
prescribe more stringent remedy for
hor ~, = Hax. I,,,f tk fhrcxy knr into a 81
more like jim-iams than anything I
know Of. She broke every plate in
the house over my head and then [
had to kiss her before she would
promise not to do it again. That's
what makes me say she is set in her
ways. .tgs 1


There, too, are the piano and guitar.
which she kept going from morning
until midnight, filling the whole neigh
borhood with discordant sounds
which she calls music. Both are as
mute as the bird cage which was va
Gated last week by stragetic move
ment of the cat.


The 200 pots of flowers she left me
to cultivate don't think will produce
much of crop. They're nearly all
ripe now and there's no sign Of flow-
er vet. / have watered them twice
since she left, but it did no good.
reckon they miss her and are pining
away because she aint here. In this
respect they do not resemble me to
any alarming extent.


Our kitchen never looked better.
The stove and pipe have assumed q
beautiful red tint, and the pots are
bringing forth q fine crop Of white
looking vegetable mould, which /
havn't learned the name of, but she'll
know 1t when she comes. The dishes
don't look quite as bright and clean as
they might, but the fies are bad this
year. and If I were to wash them ev.
cry two weeks they wouldn't present
respectable appearance.


Notice to the Editor.-Pleass sup
press that article sent you about my
spell of Single Blessedness. The old
woman has got back.


Sensible TAlk.


Tho nIstor nf Tho puroan fTlI De-