Year: 1879

The telephone has kicked up a big row
in the bosom of two families already, and
that harmless appearing instrument is the
prime cause of young man going about
with his eyes draped in deep mourning and
q humpbacked nose. Ii seems that young
man whose marriage is of such recent date
that his honeymoon is not yet ON the wane,
conceived the brilliant idea of connecting
his Shower of love- with his place of bust
ness that he might spend his leisure mo-
ments in saying sweet things to his newly
acquired more valuable fraction. By one
! of those singular coincidents which fate
often throws in the path of unfortunate hu-
mans of all classes, there happened to be
unknown TO the young man-on the same
circuit another family the husband being
the proprietor of front name the same as
that of the newly-wedded man. And the
fact of the two members of their stations
having a similarity of sound when called
tended TO help mix matters up. Things
went along nicely for a few days and the
young couple had held some very interest
ing cooling matches. when one day the ia
tai mistake was made which led to such
terrible results. Husband the second was
an extremely practical man, and was chief
engineer of grocery store. His telephone
rs attached TO his desk, and, the other
:" nile al the poetry and romance Of
his soul was absorbed, while his mind
wrestled with the problem of how much
As pounds of Goldfish amounted TO at 37i
cents per pound, the signal was sounded
and there came waited over the wires:


'John dear, haven't you time TO love me
a little-I am so lonely


Johns eyes looked as if they did not be-
lieve his ears. He hadn't heard anything
like that before in fifteen years, and he
didn't propose to in fifteen years to come,
so he grabbed the telephone and curtly ans
wered:


'':Shet your darned yawp haven't got
no time to be foolin' with you now."


Eldora, wife number one, was consider
ably taken aback at what she supposed was
an evidence of the cooling love of her John
and she resolved to get even with him
when he came to tea.


Meanwhile, John, poor soul, had been
switched off, and breathing his words of
undying affection TO the wife of the elder
John. The lady had been somewhat as
lOLlslltN hiSt. buN AiisiA hNi
hand was growing affectionate again, as in
days of yore, she began returning suitable
answers, and was highly enjoying repe-
tition of her old courting days, when her
John came IN unnoticed by her, and quiet
ly stationed himself where he could hear
her remarks. lie was soon rewarded by
hearing her shrek into the telephOne-after
the usual manner of the ladies:


''Yes, love, and | am just dying for
some of those sweet kisses you promised
me when YOU return


He waited to hear no more; but snatch
ing the telephone he quickly investigated
the location of the sender, tore out OF tbs
house and down the street, rushed in upon
John the junior, whom he found trying to
ascertain what the matter was at the other
end, and without waiting for preliminary
remarks. grasped him by the coat collar
and slung him over stool where TIE bridge
of his nose came in contact with the rim of
coal hod, bunged up both eyes and then
demanded an apology.


As soon as John could catch what little
breath was left around loose. and recovered
somewhat from his surprise, he said:


"There must be some terrible mistake.


Then explanations followed, the two
husband called first on Eldora whom they
found sitting in the hallway with band
box in her lap and weeping Historically. As
soon as she was Gained and reassured, the
wife of John senior was sought and found
sitting staring in dazed sort of way at the
telephone, not able to understand what the
matter was.


The two Johns then and there resolved to
Danish the telephone from their families
forever, and that is the reason the company
lost two subscribers, and butcher sold two
pounds of lean beefsteak to sad looking
man leading companion with handker-
chief bound around his eyes.