Year: 1878

The nearer a man is to being fool the
more absolutely certain he is that he is
nothing of the kind.


lT may sound like a paradox, yet the
breaking of both wings of an army is a
pretty sure way of making it fly.


VERY few brass bands in a military
parade can play as many airs as the
drum major puts on.


a GENTLEMAN, reFrimanding his little
son, was surprised to hear the youngster
observe: " Father, remarks are unneces>
sary,"


IT's consoing in these days, when
everything we eat is adulterated, to
think that the succulent toothpick still
retains its od-time purity.


Mrs. MOORE, the sweet singer of Mich.
igan, thus explains the origin of her
tame "When we commenced to take the
papers | saw them printing poetry not
half so good as mine, and then thought
how nice it would he to publish some
myself so sent some pieces to the pa
pers."


" MAMMA, where do the cows get the
milk ?' asked Willie, looking up from the
fOaming pan of milk which he had been
intently regarding, "Wherc do you get
your tears was tie answer. After a
thoughtful silence he again broke out
Mamma, do the cows have to be
spanked?'


The sympathetic man of the Burling-
ton Haw5eye says; zone of the most
pitful spcctaCles in this cruel winter
weather il che sight of shivering wasp,
who fooled around in the autumn sun
sh ne until his house was closed for the
season, and he locked out without night
key in his pocket"


Poor FRENCH. Timothy French. Mr.
L. French, of Pittsheld, Massachusetts,
| He had $4,000. his wife coaxed him
TO give il to her, Then she up and died.
French mOurned, but his tears suddenly
dried when he discovered that she wllled
every cent to her relatives and left moth.
ing for him. Poor French. French of
Pittsiield.


The Washington Post tells the story
as literal fact that member of con-
grces told a colored boy who had charge
of his room to take lot of old papers
and sell tFem, and promised him that he
should have half the proceeds, The boy
obeyed, and returned with nine cents as
gross receipts The member pocketed
five and gave the boy four cents.


REV. DIR. KREAMER, lately of Louis
vile, but now the rector of an Episcopal
church in New Orleans, was interviewed,
the other day, regarding the subject of
material hell. The New Orleans Demo-
crat reports that the reverend gentleman
said that the word hell was used in the
bible in iigurative sense, so far as he
believed that whether those who were
deprived of the presence of God, for the
sins committed by them in this life, were
to be burned in lake of fire he was not
prepared to say that was something he
knew nothing about; that he always
looked upon the word hell as a word to
impress the living how terrible it WAS to
be deprived of the presence of God.


FROM time immortal the pillow has
been a iavorite weapon Of juvenile com.
bat. When held by the loose end OF the
pillow case - the latter very tightly twist
ed into the semblance of stout rope-it
becomes a weapon equally adapted for
the use of either sex. Who does not
recollect the pillow fights OF his boyhood,
and the carnage and broken glass which
accompanied them? There was the fiery
assault OF the enemy from the next dor
mitory the fierce resistance with which
it was met; the turning of the tide of
battle the panic.stricken flight of the
enemy through the midnight hall and
the armed intervention OF the school
teacher who arbitrated on the spot and
sent the combatants back to their beds
with beating hearts and tingling extrem-
tiles. Fierce as these battles were, the
only serious wounds were those sustained
by crcckery and other light articles Of
furniture, and il boy occasionally wore
rather too much nose the morning after a
fight, he could readily explain it by the
theory that he rose up in the night in
order to study his catechism and scci-
dentaily walked against tie stoye.piPe.