Year: 1878

Dear girls, are YOU in search of a
husband4


That is 81 BUMPER, and you are not
requested to say ssYes" out loud but are
expected to throw your eyes down onto
the earth, as though you were looking
for a pin, and reply to the interrogatory
with kind of drawling sigh.


Not to press so tender theme until
it becomes thorn in the flesh, We will
presume, to avoid argument, that you
are OH the lookout for something in the
male line. Let me give you some small
chunks of advice how to spot your fu-
ture husband


|. The man who is jealous Of every
little attention which You get from some
other fellow, you will find after you are
married to him he loves himself more
than he does you, and what you took
for solieitude, you will discover has
changed to Indifference jealousy isn't
q heart disease, it. is liver complaint.


2 A mustache is not indispensable; I;
it is only little more hair, and is much
like moss and other excreseenses often
does the best ON soil that won't raise
anything else Don't forget that those
things which you admire in fellow be-
fore marriage, you will probably dislike
in husband after, and mustache viii
get to be very weak diet after long
time.


3. If husbands could be taken on
trial as cooks are, two-thirds of them
would probably be returned; but there
don't seem to be any law for this
Therefore, girls, you viii see that after
you get man, you will have to keep
him even if you lose ON him Conse-
quently, if you have cold yictuals in the
house, try him ON them once in awhile
during securing season, and if he swal-
lows them well and says he viii take
some more, lie is man, who, when
blue Monday comes, will wash we'll


T. Don't marry man who is al
ways telling how his mother does things.
1t is too hard to wean II young one.


5. If man can beat you playing on
a piano; and can't hear fish-horn play
ing ON the street without turning a
summersault on account of the music
that is in him, l say to leave him, he
might answer to tend baby, and if you
set him hoeing out in the garden, you
will find yeu have got to do it yourself
A man whose whole heft lies in music,
and not so hefty at that, amt no better
than seidlitz powder; but if he loves
to listen while you sing some gentle bal
lad, you will find him mellow and not
soft But don't marry anybody for just
one virtue. any quicker than you would
fiop a man for just one fault


g. 1t is one of the toughest things
for n female to be an old maid success
fully. a great many have tried it, and
ma.l,. q bad job of it and had hard
tins Everybody seems to look upor
ol maids just as they do upon driet
herbs in the handy for sicknes
-aal therefore, girls, it amt mistak,
that you should be willing to swap your
self off with true-hearted fellow for
husband The swap IS a good one, bu
don't swap for any man who is respect
able just because his father is. Yol
had better be an old maid four thousan,
years and then join the Shakers, thai
to buy repentance at this price n
woman ever made this trade who didn'
get either a fool, mean cuss, or
clown for husband


Z In digging dowa into this suhiec
l find the digging goes harder the far
ther l get. II is much easier to inforn
you whe not to take, for the reasol
there are more Of them.


/ don't think you will follow my ad
vice if l give it; and l keep it, for
look upon advices as | do upon casio
ola mean dose to give and meal
desc to take But must say one thing
girls, or spoil. If you can find bright
eyed, well-baliasted boy, who looks upol
poverty as saucy as a child does upol
wealth-who would rather sit down Oh
the curbstone in front of the Fifth Av
enue Hotel, and eat ham sandwich
than to go inside and run in debt 70
his dinner and teothpick-and who is


man with that sort of pluck that mis-
takes defeat for a victory, my advic
is to take him body and soul-snare hir
at once, for he is stray trout, a bree
very scarce in our waters. Take him,


say, and build onto him as hornet


build on a tree.