smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1874

AspHYxIATING BURGLARS The man
ufacturers of vaults and safes for the
preservatjgn of valuabes, and also those
whose profession it is to enter them for
the purpose of plunder, continue to de-
velope a vast amount of ingenuity. AL
most as soon as we have the triumphant
announcement of absolute security as the
result of some combination of construc-
ton, we find that the device has been
successfully evaded. All the arrange
ments of chilled iron and other modes of
protection seem to be of no value against
the efforts of experienced cracksmen," !"
and attention now appears to be directed
towards the addition of defensive weapons
that shall MAIN or otherwise injure the
intruder. One of the most recent devices
of this kind consist of what is called the
chemical armor for bank vaults, which is
so adjusted that should the intruder pen
citrate the safe by violence, sundry glass
vials filed with sulphuric acid are neces-
sarily broken and their contents discharg-
ed into powdered carbonate Of lime, re-
sulting in the instantaneous production
Of carbonic acid gas enough to asphyxi-
ate regiment. What mode Of defence
will be adopted by the opposite side
should this device be carried out TO any
extent remains to be seen.
Year: 1874

FoUR-FooTED WIsDOM.--We often
hear of the sagacity and affection Of the
dog, but seldom about these qualities in
the cat. Scanty justice has been paid
puss in this respect, as many well au-
thonticated instances will show.


A short time since a favorite cat was
left in the sitting room after the family
had retired, and it was not heard from
till twelve o'clock at night, when she set
up most outrageous cry, arousing the
family from a sound sleep. The noise
continuing, little council was held, and
it was decided that il puss could stand it
they could fol while at least. But pussy
went directly to the bed room door, and
with renewed power set forth her lamen-
tations. On rising they found the stove
door wide open, quantity of Goals fallen
out, the stove pipe red hot and the CHM
ney on fire. Puss at once became quiet
and had nothing more to say.


A story is told Of a cat which refused
to eat when her mistress died, though
food in plenty was offered her, and at
last she pned her own life away. TO be
sure the cat was a great favorte and con-
slant companion Of the lady, and some
thing of habit as we'll as affection, might
have caused the poor creature thus to
break her heart at the loss Of her mistress


Cats have plentiful store of cunning,
and know how to obtain by artifce what
they cannot by stealth.


A fayorite cat happening to hurt its leg,
his mistress felt constrained. while it was
lame, to give it its daily milk. The cat
after while got well, but she evidently
imagined lameness was an advantage, for
whenever she saw her mistress, she held
up her paw as though it caused her pain
to put it to the ground.


There are many diabolica tricks at
tributed to cats, which they are wholly
guiltiess of. Some persons will never
leave one in room with baby, lest it
should suck the child's breath The gross
absurdity is apparent enough to all natu-
ralists. Even if the cat was inclined to
"suck the wind " in such an extraordinary
manner, the anatomical arrangement Of
her mouth would not enable her to do so.
Year: 1874

How WRIT Found WIFE.-A re-
cent sketch Of the loves of great lawyers
contains this touching incident in the
life of the celebrated William Writ: In
his younger days he was victim to the
passion of intoxicating drinks, which has
been the bane of so many distinguished
minds. Writ was noble, talented, good
man, strong in all else but that one weak
ness-and friends with but two or three
God-b blessed exceptions turned the cold
shoulder and gave him up as lost. Atfi-
anced to a beautiful and accomplished
young woman, to whom he had made and
broken repeated pledges of amendment,
she after patiently and kindly enduring
his disgraceful habit, at length dismissed
him, deeming him incorrigible. Their
next meeting after his dismissal was in u
public street in the city of Richmond.
William Writ lay drunk and asleep on
the sidewalk, on a hot Summer day, the
rays Of the sun pouring down on his un-
covered head, and flies crawling over his
swollen features. AS the young lady APP
preached in her walk her attention was
attracted by the spectacle, strange to her
but, alas so common to others who
knew the victim as to attract little remark.
She did not at first recognize the sleeper,
and was about to hasten by, when she
was led on by one of those impulses
which form the turning point in human
lives, to scrutinize his features. What
was her emotion when she recognized in
him her lover She drew forth her hand
kerchief and spread it over his face and
hurried away. When Writ came to
himself he found the handkerchief, and
in one corner the name Of her he loved.
With heart almost breaking with grief
and remorse, he made a new vow of ref
ormation. Manhood returned, he kept
that vow, and married the owner of the
handkerchief. He soon built up name
and fortune, and in the generosity OF
gratitude remembered those who were
his friends when true friendship was
needed.
Year: 1874

BE Recommendation most TO your
spending. No matter what comes In, il
moro goes out, you will always be poor.
The art is not in making money, but in
Keeping it little expenses, like mice in
n large barn, when they arc many make
great waste. Hair by hair heads get
bald straw by straw tho thatch goes OF
the cottage and drop by drop tho rain
comes in the chamber. A barrel Is soon
empty, il the tap leaks but drop min
uto. When you mean to save begin
with your mouth many thieves pass
down the red lane. Tho ale jug is a
great waste. In all other things keep
within compass. Never stretch your
legs further than tho blankets will reach
or you will soon be cold. In clothes
choose suitable and lasting stuff, and
not tawdry hnories. To bo warm Is tho
main thing, mover mind tho looks
A fool may mako money, but 1t needs a
wise man TO spend it. Remember that
it is easier to build two chimn0ys than 10
keep one going. If you give all To back
and board, there is nothing left for tho
savings bank. Fare hard and work hard
while you are young, and you will have
chance to rest when you are old.
Year: 1874

pOIle unhnOWn person writes 10 me rs
follows


Mr.. M. QUAD Please advise me in
your next column what to do with kick
ing mule, shall pound him or not?


My wife is also trecherous as the muel,
believe her tongue is hung in the middle
and flies at both ends. l.. l.. p.


My dear man, you have come to just
the right person for honest advice. If
you had written to Henry Ward Beecher,
Wendell Philips or Dio Lewis, they
would never have paid any attention to
your letter, or would have deceived you
if they had. l know all about women
and mules. In fact | married mu--
woman l mean, and have owned moro or
less mules since my birth.


No sir, don't pound your mule. l
know it is customary for owners of mules
to commence on the animal at sunrise
with crowbar and pound him until bed
time, but have always found kindness
more successful. Seek to gain the friend
ship of your mule, and as soon rs you
succeed you can do anything with him.
When you go in the barn in the morning
have a kind word for him, instead of
knocking him down with the neck yoke.
Ask after the health OF his family-show
him that you are interested in his welfare
be civil and yet dgnfed, and as soon
as that mule finds out that some one in
this cold world loves him he will be n
different mule.


All mules kick, my dear sir, just as all
men love to hold fat office; but there's
a remedy for it. Get an old stove boiler,
| fill it with bricks, and hang it by rope
so that it will just swing against the ami
mails heels Every time he kicks it will
| fly back like the pendulum of clock,
and the patience Of the most enduring
mule will in time wear out. | tried this
once, and the mule kicked for twenty
four days and nights before he surrender
ed but after that you might run n steam
boat onto his heels and he wouldn't raise
hoof.


Feed your mule we'll. know of farm
ers who throw a keg of nails or an old
snp-pan into the manger, and expect n
mule to grow fat on such forage; but it
embitters their feelings, and makes them
more set in their ways. OF course, |
don't say you must feed mule on fried
eggs, currant jelly, raisin cake, and the
like of that, but don't expect he can feed
on rails, and feel enthusiastic all the time.


About your wife. Don't try to stop her
from talking unless you want to kill her.
It's natural for women to talk, sir. My
first wife used to nearly kill me; but |
now remember with strict grief how !
deliberately planned her death | bet
ten dollars that she couldn't keep right
on talking for three weeks, and she com
menced. had to go away from home,
but she was woman who wouldn't lie,
and trusted to her honor. ! returned
home at the end Of three weeks. There
was no one around the house, but on the
chair where | left my dear wife sitting,
was n corset, dress, dozen buttons,
and back comb-the last sad relics of
my loving partner. She had talked her
self to death, and as | began to weep, the
corset spoke up and said


"Come down with that little ten dollars
if you please. IN Quad.
Year: 1874

A HARTFORD man keeps a spade close
by his kitchen door, and whenever
tramp comes along and begs for dinner
he is requested to earn it by digging four
feet square in the garden, but the tramp
invariably refuses to pay this price.
Year: 1874

In another column we give some communi-
cations from physicians and others on the
subject of diphtheria, and a few days since
we printed q report of the deliberations on
the same subject Of doctors; and, coming
from q perusal of the proceedings Of
two learned bodies gathered especially
to discuss the prevalent malady of diph-
iberia, one could only turn with dis
couraged impression of how little oil that
amounted to. First they gave the usual
reference to Bretonneau. Trousseau named
Bretonneau in every second sentence when he
talked about diphtheria, and probably no
gathering of doctors assembled to discuss the
subject would ever feel easy until the i'm
portant duty Of following that example had
been discharged by some one OF the number.
Then there are the bacteria. II would in
these days be as impossible to get on in any
medical discussion without bacteria as it
would be to have Dutch fair without
salt fish It shows that if you don't
know much about disease you have at least
read the Germans. Then there is the theory
that it is due to foul air, and the other that





the theory that it is due to want and misery,
and the counter theory that those who are
blessed with plenty have it worst; the theory
that it is local. and the theory that it has. n 0
relation whatever to either time or place; and
finally an ingenious notion that it is perhaps
due remotely to the panic, the depression
Of the times" knowledge naturally tends
to make men cautious in utterance;
and experience Of the consequences of
laundering badly will always make any
thoughtful physician hold his peace with the
tenacity of q ruminant in deep consideration
of the sweetest possible cud, as to any disease
whose nature is only partly known. On this
theory we can readily account for the little the
doctors venture; but if they have nothing to
say why do they meet? If they have not a
litde knowledge to add to the subject why
in the world pretend to discuss it? How is an
afflicted public any the better for two or three
formidable sessions of medical guessing
classes? Sessions such as those we have re-
corded give ample justification to the
inactivity of the Board of Health, since they
action can be defined which may not be ut
terly erroneous; and, indeed, give the support
Of learned bodies to the fancy that the best
we can do is to apply the s'expectant" method
to sanitary science and wait patiently till the
problem solves itself and the disease disap-
pears Is that ell that the Board Of Health
and the professors have to proposes
Year: 1874

The troubles in Louisiana cannot be
smoothed over Their causes are deeply
rooted, and the principal cause seems to be
that the right of selfgovernment is denied to
the people. When the Kellogg government
was deposed few months ago and Lieuten-
ant Governor Penn established in Office, it
only needed proclamation from the Presi-
dent to suppress the revolution The troops
sent to New Orleans were useless to enforce
an order which was at once obeyed.
The people then trusted to the ap-
preaching election to redeem them from
injustice and misrule and they were not
wrong, for Louisiana was carried by the con-
servatives. But now it is believed that the
election is to be practically set aside by a
mere vote Of the Returning Board and the
lower branch Of the Legislature declared re-
publican in defiance of the vote. The White
Leaguers apparently find no hope either in
law or in the ballot, and by our dispatches
from New Orleans it will be seen that another
armed revolution is to be feared. The excite
irrepressible.


The Returning Board assembled yesterday,
but alarmed by the menaces of its opponents,
adjourned until Monday-a fact which seems
to have increased the suspicious and anger
Of the citizens. We are told that an outbreak
may be expected at any moment. If the
Board declares the republican State Treas
urer elected and creates q republican ma
jority in the House it will be difficult to pre-
vent it What the President will do in such
a case we know from his Message. He will
support Kellogg, and, if necessary, do it
with all the military force at his command. It
is the opinion Of Mr.. Kellogg that opposition
to him is treason to the United States, and he
is no doubt emboldened in his attitude by the
knowledge that whatever the Returning Board
may do, he will be sustained by Grant Out
Of this terrible situation it is hard to see how
the citizens of Louisiana can escape. Vio-
lence will not help them. but on the contrary,
must add immeasurably to their troubles. Their
only hope is in the interference OF Congress,
and that they should invoke If the Return
ing Board should perpetrate SO great an out
rage as is apprehended its work could not
long endure before the indignation OF the
North, and the Louisianians will be impru-
dent if they precipitate an armed conflict,
which is precisely the blunder their OPP
pressors would provoke.
Year: 1874

TEE Utica Observer suggests painful re-
fections in its observations upon the execu-
ton Of Smith, who was hanged at Watertown
on Friday for the murder OF Charles Wenham.
According to the Observer Smith was innocent
OF the crime for which he died. There are
certainly many circumstances in the story Of
this crime to throw doubt upon the guilt Of
Smith. If there is any virtue at all in the ter
rible law which forfeits murderer's life we
cannot be too careful in our manner of ad-
ministering il. We admit that capital punish
ment is necessary for the protection Of society,
and we think that our Governors have been
disposed to consider carefully every sentence
brought before them. At the same time,
when q man is executed for murder under cir
cumstances that leave doubt on the minds OF
reasonable. intelligent people as TO his guilt,
the effect is to destroy whatever influence the
punishment would have upon the community,
for we can think of nothing more terrible than
TO send On innocent man to an ignominious
death
Year: 1874

our annual taxation is increasing at start
ling rate. Two millions more in the esti-
mates and a tax Of three per cent is the pros
pect before us for next year. The Board
of Apportionment has failed in its duty
in not reducing this shameful estimate at
least four million dollars from its present
amount; but it is not too late to make atone
ment A general reduction should be made
on the revision of the estimate as preliminary
step to the financial reform which, it is to be
hoped will be initial d by the new city gov
ernment
Year: 1874

| an insolent letter forgiving him because


he had taken sides with his Queen


It is painful to know that Canning accepted


the insult and crawled into power Not one


of the reform measures of the time were con.
ceded by the King until concession was the
only means of preventing revolution. It is
sad to see that even in our own time ladies oi
noble lineage did not think it beneath them
to become the lemans of king. and to seek
honors and wealth and power for their fami-
lies by their own dishonor. During the time
that George Nv. ruled England he himself
was ruled by physician of whom he was
afraid and middle-aged woman who en-
riched her family and her friends. William
~. was better character than his brother in
King was to initiate Charles Stuart by making
his natural children peers and peeresses. He
was bitter partisan. When Ministers did
not suit him he insulted them. He was al
ways "dying for war" wanted to fight France
and Russia aud China, and was anxious to
have slavery restored. Whenever these kings
appear in this history they are either infamous
or absurd. The ruling mind was Wellington,
who had at times power over them both.
Wellington managed to guide affairs by allow
ing one Of the kings to steal the crown
jewels and by allowing the other to quarter his
natural children upon the treasury. But on
national questions Wellington always showed
the courage of soldier and carried his point
by resolution. This, however, was only on
national questions. On matters of money and
Office the royal will was always supreme.


But is this not new chapter in an old
story2 Constitutional kings are on'y as
other kings. Take the line of English rulers
from Elizabeth to Victoria and what do we
see? The only real King was William I'LL /,
who was Dutchman and usurper. Next to
William the most respectable character was
Charles L, and he was SO arbitrary that he
lost his head As for the remainder, there is
not one whose character is not, in nearly all
the essential attributes of q prince and q
gentlemen, beneath contempt The royal
system is blunder, q mockery, .
false pretence We blush for our race
to see England governed by the men
whose characters are now written by de-
scendant Of the Warwicks. At the same
time it is to the great honor and glory of Eng
land that, Notwithstanding the folly, the
crimes and the imbeclllty Of her rulers, she
has advanced SO steadily in her splendid and
prosperous career. It shows that the people
are greater than the Grown, and in showing
this it teaches the world the elementary prin-
ciple of democracy. To that extent Mr..
Grevilles book is the most important contri-
button to republicanism that has appeared
this century.
Year: 1874

THE ARRIVAL Of King Kalakaua at Wash
ington and his reception by Secretary Fish
were attended by little formality. His
Majesty was unfortunately exhausted by his
long journey and other ceremonies were post
ronel until Monday
Year: 1874

white man will give evidence against one Of
his own color in favor Of Chinaman. and the
Chinese themselves are not allowed as Wit
nesses." The Baron attributes the reason Of
all this to the fact that q Chinaman will work
for dollar q day in the mines, while
. white man will insist upon foui
dollars. He found the Chinese the best work,
men possible, and says that without their aid
the Pacific Railroad would not have beeH
built 'They carry home in their trunks the
fruit of their long and patient toll, in theik
minds sovereign contempt Of our civilization
and in their hearts the bitterest hatred Of tho
Christian"


The testimony Of this distinguished diplo-
matist gives us the other side of the Chinese
question. What is the best solution? 1t does
not seem patriotic for us to invite these hordes
of mongrels to come sweeping into our country
like the armies Of Attila, gathering our SUBJ
stance and returning to their own country
without any contribution to the prosperity Of
the Republic. On the other hand, it is a crime
against civilization and violation Of justice
for US to permit the outrages that are inflicted
by white men upon the Chinese laborer,i
whose only crime is that he will do better and
cheaper work than his rival. The evil to-
which the President calls attention, however.
is one that should be remedied.
Year: 1874




There is being very large amount Of
wood cut this winter, and it seems to move
off as fast as it is cut. Diamond Bluff and
Trenton are taking very large amount for
St. Paul. We get from $500 up to $3.50
on the ground for green, hard maple it costs
one dollar to get it chopped, which leaves US
from $l.O0 to $3.50 per cent. stumpage :;
but if we draw it to Red Wing and reckon
our labor, we do not get that much stump
age. Some of our neighbors think Red
Wing people want their wood too cheap
l say let the buyer buy as cheap as hacan,
and let the seller sell to his best advantage,
l like to get good round price for wood,
but if was to spend winter in Red Wing
l would buy my wood just as cheap as
possibly could. If could buy cheaper to-
wards night Of course would let that be
my time for visiting the wood market AS
far as can judge of the wood business, I
think the poor choppers have the most
room for grumbling; they are the ones
that do the sweating. SUBSCRIBER.
Year: 1874




As each day brings us nearer eternity,
so may each meeting of our Grange bind
us closer together in one harmonious BROTH
erhood May we be kind to each other,
and assist each other in our daily labor to
do good, and to do our whole duty towards
man and God. Our Order is yet young, but
it is to reach the great end for which it was
destined, and place the farmer on an equal
footing with the most blest of Gods children.
As has otttimes been said, the tilling of the
soil is one of the highest, if not the high
est, calling of man. For had we all the
gold of the Rothchilds without the products
of the soil, we might perish of starvation.
Reflect upon 1t for one moment if the farm
ers all over the world should combine and
not raise any grain for one year, grain
would rise to an enormous price, and mil
lions Of people must perish by starvation.
But this is not what we want to do. Nor
do we want to sell our grain and other
produce for ten or twenty per cent. less
than the actual cost to raise it, and pay
enormous prices for the merchandise we
have to buy.


And the way to avoid that is for the pro-
ducer and consumer to join hands across
the broad expanse which has so long sepa-
rated them, and hand their produce and
merchandise back and forward without the
aid of agents and middlemen who live and
get rich out of other mems labor
Year: 1874

ST. PAUL, Jan. 7th, 1874.
Editors Of the qnqnge Advance;


In the organization of the House of Rep
resentatives yesterday there was an effort
made by some of the Anti monopoly men,
bers of the House to dispense with the Office
of CHAPLAIN during the present session, for
the purpose of commencing a reform. We
notice in the daily papers of to-day, they
are charging this to the anti-monopolists as
party measure, which we believe to be
that party who did not believe that reform
should begin just here and opposed the
measure. l.. j.
Year: 1874

vinced that the existence and perpetua.
tiou of a republican form Of government
depends upon the general intelligence
and morality of the people.


6. 1t proposes to fight the hydra
headed monster MONOPOLY in what
ever shape, or form, or place it may be
found. No class privileges, no class
legislation: but equality before the law
in all respects is its motto.


Z. Finally: it proposes to work
faithfully and work increasingly for the
advap cement and up-building of the or
der Of the Patrons Of Husbandry, to use
every means at it's command to increase
the interest and zeal of every individu-
al member, to furnish them with all the
latest news pertaining to the order
throughout the country, to give them
all the latest and best agricultural news,
to post them concerning every humbug
that we can discover in the land, to fur
nish them with new songs and music
appropriate for regular meetings, and in
short to be the livest, most energetic
and spiciest agricultural paper publish
ed.