Year: 1879

We left Portland in the evening and
in q bit Of storm. There was u heavy
sea, with it's usual depressing intia-
ences. The sea grew rougher, and as
the pitching and rolling of the good
steamer New York increased, my
spirits did not rise. Your spirits are
not apt to rise, 1 find. They are the
only things about you that don't rise,
however. .....r


My subject OF reelection having elud-
Ell my rather inactive mind, l became
sensible Of kind OF sort Of langOr
that suggested rcpose. did not feel
like standing up and singing. wanted
repose. I wasn't particular what kind
of repose. Tho repose of the grave
would have suited me perfectly well.


But there was no grave handy. And
when l went out and looked to sea-
ward ut the lanCiless eXpanse of angry,
tossing waters, l didn't see any mate
rial to make q grave. And then when
returned to the staterOom, il began
to dawn upon me very dimly that the
repose was about as solemn as the
grave. The ocean made me feel as
though l had swallowed it whole, and
was afraid would have to spread u
little to hold it. . ..= r.4F


believed I would retire and aban-
don the struggle with my feelings, for
felt that was on the verge of quot
ing poetry. I stood on my feet and
took off some Of my things. Then 1
leaned up against the door and took OIL
few. Then 1 stood on my head and
got oil one or two. Then lay down
ON my back and kicked Off the rest OF
| them.


Then looked up ut my berth. 1t
| was 600 feet from the floor, and WAS
still going. ...
cast an anxious, dcspairing glance
at it, reached out and dragged trav-
cling shawl over me, and tried to war
bio q merry stave of n rOllicking sea
song.


When bought my passage OF the
International Steamship Company. I
did not contract to sleep In u skyrockct,
and that should not get into my berth
until it came down close enough for
me to grab at it.
The sense Of utter forlornness, the
feelings OF desolation aud goneness +;
the impression, generally correct, that
every we'll person in the ship is laugh
ing at you; the saddening thought
that there is no chance OF dying, the
depressing knowledge that there is no


help for it anyhow the confidence that


nobody is going to do anything for
you, and the philosophical resolution


that you don't care red cent ii they


don't the hope that you will he over
! it by morning; the fear that it will last


a week; the forlcrn hope, now and
then, that the pilot will get frightened


and tic the ship up to a tree at some
place, only for little while; tho
despairing sense Of disappointment


that steals over you as it becomes evil
dent that the pilot hasn't the remotest
thought of doing anything of the kind F;
and at last the fervent, earnest, despair
ing wish that the boiler will blow up,
the ship strike a rock, catch u fire, be
run down by an iron steamship, get
struck by lightning and sink in 700


fathoms of water, and do it all most
powerful quick, too. This is 4 final
spasm. .f.
Why, even after l fell asleep,
dreamed that ! was boy again-a


happy, guilclcss, barefoot boy, and
that I was in Peoria, sitting behind
the woodshed i'll the old yard on Mon
roe street, where the postotiicc now
stands, making in boyish solitude my
maiden efforts on my first and most
surreptitious cigar. And 1 dreamed


that the cigar was just about half
smoked out, and was lying ON the
chopping block beside mo, and that
tho c,,rtoin had inst r,lntr for fht, sct.D,I