Year: 1874

home to see if | couldn't discover
somethin and to ask father to help
me Mr.. Keyser, what are you goin
to do! I'll never take another apple
- long as [ live. Pom my word I
won t."


Then Keyser fogged him; and Mr..
Cooleys boy has knocked off on Sir
Isaac Newton and natural philosophy,
and is devoting himself to other
branches of knowledge.


Mrs. Magruder's baby is carried
out by the nurse now, since the acci-
dent to its carriage. Magruder thought
it would be good idea to have tame
goat to pull the coach, and he bought
one for the purpose; but one day the
goat met another goat that differed
from him in politics or religion, or
something, and each undertook to
convince the other by jamming him in
the skull. Every time Magruder's S
goat would rear up preparatory to
making lunge forward, Magruder $
baby would lurch over backwards,
and when Magruder's goat struck the
other goat the conclusion would shake
the milk in the baby's stomach into
butter. And sometimes the other
goat would aim at Magruder's goat,
which would dodge, and then the
other goat would plunge headfore-
most into the coach, and mash the
baby up in the most irightful manner.
And in the midst OF the contest a
couple Of dogs joined in, and Magru-
der's goat backed off and tilted the
coach into the gutter, and the dogs,
biting around kind of generally, would
snap at the goat and cause it to whirl
the baby around just in time for the
bite. Until at last the goat got dis
heartened and sprang through the
fence, leaving the coach on the other
side, and it struggled frantically to
escape, while the other goat crowded
up az inst the baby in order to avoid
the dogs, and finally knocked the ba-
by out. and butted the coach to splint-
ers. They say that the way Mrs. Ma :
gruder eyed Magruder that afternoon
when they brought the baby home
mutilated and disheveled, was simply
awful to behold; but she didn't speak
to him for a week, and he had to
soften her down by buying her an os-
trich feather for her winter hat. The
goat is still at large. Anybody who
wants him can have him free of charge


Magruder doesn't recognize him when
he meets the animal upon the street


Now that the opening of the ses-
sion of Congress is close at hand,
/ feel that there is a need that the at
/ tention of that body shall be directed
TO the Importance of placing prohib-
tory duty upon stovepipe. l allude
to the subject because of the conduct
Of my next-dour neighbor. Pitman. in
reference to his cat. The animal is
considered tn have phenomenal
screech. On calm nights, when it has


been practicing in the upper register


its high G has been heard eight miles
up the river, and twice it has called


out the fire department. 1t may read
! lily I've supposed that this vociferatior


has not had soothing effect upon me
1 In fact, Fbave projected nearly all th,


loose material in the house over th,
| fence at him, at odd times. and i


used to interest me in the morning


after a bombardment, to see Pitmal


come out and collect my soap cups


and boots, and cologne bottles. an,


carry them into his house as calml,


as if they had been rained down int


his yard by some benefcent fairy wht


lowered around for tie solitary pur


pose of blessing Pitman. Finally


borrowed a gun, with the intent to an


initiate the cat utterly; and | fired a


it on five successive moonlight nights


with no other effect than to induce i
to run higher up the scale, and t


emit howls which might have beel
heard eighteen hundred miles in
high wind. On the sixth night
went on guard with club, on my sid
of the fence, and waited until Pitman
cat mounted the top rail and bega
| his customary howl. He was in tn


midst of some variations when


swooped down on him and knocke
him into my yard. l thought tn
blow sounded very queerly, and whe
/ / seized the animal | found that h
: was ironclad. Pitman had bored fou
Z holes in section of stovepipe and in
! serted the cats feet in them, Will
, the animals body remained inside
} and the pipe projected six or eigh
5 inches beyond its head, so that whe
$ it yelled its voice sounded like from
: bone. The cat is dead now; but l re
: tain its armor, and [ am going to us


it before the Congressional Commit


tee on Ways and Means to have tn
3 tariff on stovepipe put up to an awlr
I figure.


From the Sunday Herald,
! For Sweet Charity's Sake