Year: 1877

publishing house advertises for sale a family
Bible Of General Washington ohich I0aS presented
10 him By the author


Burlington Hawk-Eye: "Thcy are perfor-
ming the cantata of :. Joseph" at the opera
house in Des Noines. They had no trouble in
securing talent to represent most all the members
Of Potiphar's family, but they had to send clear
to Burlington to get man to play Joseph.


A doctor recently gave the following preserip-
tion for a sick lady go A new bonnet, Cash
mere shawl and q silk Dress The lady, 1t is
needless to say, entirely recovered.


There is n man in Newark so close that when
he attends church he occupies the pew farthest
from the pulpit, to the interest on his money
while the collectors passing the plate for con-
tributions.


French journal of science says that the in
habitants of the Azore Islands could smell the
burning of the great Chicago fire. This is won
derful (adds the Cincinnati Times), but John
Henry says that when his wife was in New York
last winter he received a telegram from her
which read as follows So You have been drink
ing; I can smell your breath


A HARD Man TO PLEAsE.-The following ap-
peared in the want column of the Philadelphia
Ledger last Monday


Wanted-A young with hard hands, a
good mother, q last years coat, this week 8
shirt, hair on his face, but not on his teeth,
whose corns are his feet, patches all in front,
ambition is greater than his expectation, who was
never better smarter than now, and never
manager, superintendent or chief of anything,
or considered unusually brilliant by anybody.
A seal ring not essential extraordinary ability
very Objectionable. A little but not much know
ledge of sewing machines desirable, but not
essential. Write, but do not come until | send
for you. Address


This is the way " a Boy = tells his little story
in the S. F. Post:


Nv uncle Ned says once in Injy he was walk
ing on the banks of river with his found
ling dog, and q bear was swimming across to the
other side. When the dog see something in the
water he went to fetch it out, like he had been
tot without thinking partickler wot it mite
be, but when he had swum, the dog had, up real
Close the bear give him q look over her shoulder,
and. smiled, like sayin Its ofie good of you to
take such frenzy intres in entire stranger,
wen we git to the other side I'll ast you to dinner
with me and weel have dog for dinner. But
wen the dog seen how it was he wreckelected
another engagement, wich he had forgot, and
Uncle Ned says there wasent never any body
tried so hard for to be punetual as that dog did.


The BRIDAL CHAMRER.-He was tall and awk-
ward, and she was short and bashful, but both
wore q nervous aspect of exceeding great joy.
They entered hotel in Chicago, and after he
had registered his name ''and lady, he said to
the CLERK


.'See here, mister, me and my wife have just



Chicago if it takes mule day. Now give US
one of them rooms like the Temple of Solomon,
you know


The clerk called a hall boy and said


''Show this gentleman to the bridal chamber -


At this direction the tall rustic became in
stantly excited.


ssNot by burned sight -Ye shiny haired,
billed -shirted, dolIar-breast- pinned, grinning
monkey, you can't play that on me- If l am
from the country, ye don't catch me and my
wife sleeping in your old harness-room." And
they left the hotel.


A FoRGETFUL MAN.-His wife sent him up
town for ''sumthin' ruther'' early in the
evening On the way he met friend and they
spent an hour in an animated dispute as to wheth-
er Hayes or Tilden had the best chance for an
election, and when he left his friend at the
corner of Fourth and Vine Streets he had entire
Iy forgotten what Maria had sent him after. 1t
was in vain that he tried to think up his forgot
ten errand. For three long weary hou-s he
wandered around from saloon to saloon, trying to
stimulate his unreliable brain and prick up his
memory Twas no use. The more he stimulat-
ed the more he didn't remember. He hated to
90 home and acknowledge much to his wife,
and so he just dropped in on his friends to gath
er little sympathy. After he had managed to
scrape considerable of the article together, and
Just as the clock on st. Xavier Church was Chin
ing the midnight hour. the telegraph editor
Opened dispatch and remarked that the Associ-
ated Press announced the death of Dr., the
famous physician Of.


fsBy the jumping Juniper Jupiter, remember
now," said the visitor, rising slowly from his
seat and turning as pale as cholera patient; 81
remember now My wife had the cramp collie
and sent me to bring the doctor D-n poll
tics.' And he shot out of the door after the
doctor without staying to hear what the outlook
was in New York Cincinnati Enquirer.