Year: 1878

wife replied that what he said was very
ridiculous. Red hair don't blow around
like thistle-down, and at your time OF
life, Mr.. Brown, you ought to be asban-
ed of yourself The less you say the
better, but can tell you that you can't
deceive me. I'm not o member OF Ply
mouth Church, and you can't make me
believe that black is white"


Now both Mr.. Brown and Mr.. Smith
were perfectly innocent. OF course they
were annoyed by the remarks of their
respective wives, but like sensible men,
they avoided any unnecessary discussion
of the painful topic. The next day they
each brought home all the Chicago
papers that contained any reference to
the Beecher matter, and, as the papers
were received by Mrs. Brown and Mrs.
Smith with many protestatlons of the
disgust which they felt ut hearing even
the name Of Beecher mentioned, they
naturally supposed that they had made
their peace. But marital suspicion once
awakened Is not easily put to sleep
While Mr.. Brown was handing his wife
the bundles of newspaper, she was
closely scrutinizing his coat collar, and,
after she had laid the papers on her
plate and told the children not to touch
them, she quietly took two long red
hairs from her unfortunate husbands
coat, and held them solemnly before his
face.


Mary, give you my solemn word,"
began the alarmed Mr.. Brown but he
was not permitted to finish his sentence.
Don't say one word," exclaimed Mrs.
Brown. g Falsehoods won't help you
am faithful and loving wife, and I'll
have you exposed and punished If there
is any law in illinois," Thus saying she
gathered up her newspapers and rushing
to her room, locked herself in. 1t was
not until later in the evening that Mrs.
Smith, as she was about to turn down
her husbands lamp, which was smok-
ing, perceived that two red hairs were
attached to his shoulders. She said
nothing, but after laying them on the
table before him, burst into tears and re-
fused to be comforted until Mr.. Smith
swore that he had not seen red haired
girl for months and years, and offered to
buy q new parlor carpet the very next
day. tn


OF the two ladies', Mrs. Brown was
much the stronger and the more deter
mined. The next evening, when Mr..
Brown brought back from the store no
less than five red hairs on his coat collar,
she broke pie plate over his head, and
leaving him weltering in dried apples,
put on her bonnet and left the house.
Mrs. Smith, on the same evening, found
four Of the mysterious red hairs on her
husbands coat, but she refrained from
violence, and merely telling him that she
would not believe in his innocene If he
was to swear till he was black in the
face, called loudly for her sainted mother
and was about to faint when Mrs. Brown
| burst into the room. Mr.. Smith like
wise man fled from the scene, and the
two ladies soon confided their wrongs to
one another.


When Mr.. Brown and Mr.. Smith met
the next day, the former confessed to the
latter that he was in terrible scrape.--
Confidence begat confidence, and they
soon became convinced that they were
the victims of frightful conspiracy to
which some unknown wearer of red
black-hair was party. Their distress
was increased early in the afternoon by
the appearance of their respective wives,
who walked up and down the opposite
side of the street for hours each carrying
conspicuous rawhide, and evidently
lying in wait for the imaginary red
haired woman. Messrs. Smith and Brown
felt that they were ruined men, and that
a tremendous scandal was about to over
whelm them. They even wished that
they were dead.


At O'Clock p. NJ, Mrs. Smith clutch
ed her companions arm and babe her
listen to small boy who was relating
one of his recent crimes to youthful
companion.


= 81 just picked up that there hair, re-
marked the wicked youth, "and put
some of it on old Smiths and old
Browns coats; KEEP putin of it on
every day and you just bet they ketched
it from their old women when they
went home. Smith, he is as solemn as
an old owl, and old Brown looks as IL he
was goin' to be hung"


The remains of the hoy xvara ran,ox,ed