Year: 1878

| A WITTY AND HUMOROUS ADDRESS.


The Hon. George Washington Peck
home missionary, and sinnerin-chief o
the La Crosse San, delivered the following
learned and instructive address at the re-
cent meeting OF the Wisconsin State Dali
rymen's Association:


FelloW Creant-G-tiOniStS: In calling upon
me on this occasion, to enighten you upon
II subject that is dear to the hearts Of all
Americans, you have got the right man in
the right place. 1t makes me proud to
come to my old home and unfold truths
that have been folded since can remem.
Der. 1t may be said by scoffers and it has
been said today, in my presence, that
did not know enough to even milk a COW
| deny the allegation, and show me the
alligator. If any gentleman present has
got COW here with him, and | can Dor.
row clothes wringer, | will show you
whether can milk COW or not Or, il
there is n cheese mine here handy, | will
demonstrate that | can -runnet.


The manufacture of cheese and butter
has been among the earliest industries
Away back in the history of the world
we find Adam and Eve conveying theil
milk from the garden of Eden, in ont
horse wagon to the cold spring cheese
factory, to be weighed in the balance
Whatever may be said of Adam and Eve
to their dscredit in the marketing of the
products of their orchard, it has never
been charged that they stopped at the
pump and put water in their milk cans
Doubtless you all remember how Cair
killed his brother Abel because Abel woult
not let him do the churning. We can pic
, ture Cain and Abel driving mooley COW:
up to the house from the pasture in tht
south east corner Of the garden and Adam
standing at the bars with tin pail and ;
three~legged stool, smoking II meerschaun
pipe and singing Hold the Fort for | IN
Coming through the Rye while Eve sa
on the veranda altering over her las
years polonaise, and winking at the devi
who stood behind the house singing, "l
want to be an Angel" After Adam go
through milking he came up and saw Eve
blushing, and he said, Madame. cheese it
and she chose it.


But to come down to the present day
we find that cheese has become one of the
most important branches of manufacture
1t is next in Importance to the silver in
terest. But fellow cheese mongers, you
are doing yourselves great injustice thai
you do not petition congress to pass n bill
to remonetze cheese. There is more
/ cheese raised in this country than there is
silver, and it is more valuab e. Suppose
you had not eaten mouthful in thirty
days, and you should have placed on tho
! t.,h i,n ,lf,llrrs St.lJpnnI nj
of silver bullion on one plate, and nine
dollars stamped out of cheese bullion on
another plate, which woul you take first ?
| Though the face value OF he nine cheese
dollars would be EN- per cent below the
face of the ten silver dollars, you would
take the chances of the cheese. You
could use it TO better advantage in your
business. Hence | sly cheese is more
valuable than silver, and it should be
made legal tender for ali debts, public
and private, except pew rent. may be
in advance of other eminent tinanciers,
who have studied The currency question,
| but want to see the time come, and
trust the dav is not far distant, when 4l2
l-2 grains of cheese shall be equal to a
dollar in goldfish, and when the merry


Jingle of slices of cheese shall be heard in
every pocket. Then every cheese factory
can make its own coin, money will be
plenty, everybody will be happy, and there
never will be war any more. 1t may be
asked how this currency can be redeemed ?
| would have IN incontrovaritable bond,
made of limburgcr cheese, which is
stronger and more durable. When this is
done you can tell the rich man from the
poor man by the smell of his money.
Now-a-days many of us do not even get II
smell of money, but in the good days
which are coming the gentle zephyr will
watt to us the delicate violet and the able
bodied limburger, and we shall know that
money is plenty.


The manufacture of cheese is business
that IL poor man can engage in, as well as
the rich man. | say it, without fear of
successful contradiction, and say it boldly.
that poor man, with say, 200 COWS, if he
thoroughly understands his business, can
market more cheese than rich man who
owns 800 oxen. This is susceptible of
demonstration. If my boy showed n de-
sire to become n statesman, | would Say
to him, young man, get married. buy Il
mooley COW, and go to Shcboygan county,
and start II cheese factory. Speaking of
cows, did it ever occur to you, gentlemen,
what saving it would be to you if you
should adopt mooley cows instead of horn
ed cattle? What good do horns do in max
ing cheese? 1t takes at least three tons of
hay and II large quantity of ground feed
annually, to keep pair of horns fat, and
what earthly use are they? Statistics show
that there are annually killed $4,000 gran
gers by cattle with horns. You pass laws
to muzze dogs, because one in ten thou
sand go mad aud yet more people are
killed by cattle horns than by dogs. What
the country needs is more mooley COWS.
Now that | am on the subject it may be
asked what is the best breed for the dairy.
My opinion is divided between the south
down and the cochin china. Some like
one best and some like the other, but as
for me. give me liberty or give me death.


There are many reforms that should be
inaugurated in the manufacture of cheese.
Why should cheese be made round? am
inclined to the belief that the making of
cheese round, is II superstition. Who had
not rather buy good square piece of
cheese. than wedge shaped chunk, all
rind ut one end and as thin rs congress-
mans excuse for voting back pay, at the
otherP Make your cheese square and the
consumer will rise up and call you another


Another reform that might be Inaugural
ted would be to veneer the cheese with
building paper Or clapboard, instead of the
time honored piece OF towel. never saw
q cheese cut that l didn't think that the
cloth around it had seen service as band
age on some other patient. But / may