Year: 1877

CHARLES DUDLEY WARMERS REMINIS-


CENCES OF COW DRIVING.


Speaking of Latin reminds me that |
once taught my cows Latin. | don't
mean that I taught them to read it, for
it is very difficult to teach a COW to read
Latin or any of the dead languages-a
COW cares more for her cud than she
does for all the classics put together.
But if you begin early you can teach
COW or calf (if you can teach a calf
anything, which Doubt Latin as well
as English. There were ten cows,
which had to escort to and from pas
ture night and morning. To these
cows | gave the names of the Roman
numeral, beginning with Unus and Duo,
and going up to Decem. Decem was,
of course, the biggest COW of the party,
or at least she was the ruler of the 9TH
ers, and had the place of honor in the
stable and everywhere else. admire
cows, and especially the exactness with
which they define their social position.
an this case Decem could "lickn Novem,
and Novem, could ''lichn Octo, and so
on down to Unus, who couldn't lick
anybody, except her own calf. l sup
pose | ought to have called the weakest
COW Um instead of Unus, considering
her sex; but | didn't care much to
teach the cows the declensiOns of ad-
iectives, in which was not very well
up myself; and beside it would be of
little use to COW. People who devote
themselves too severely to study of the
classics are apt to become dried up,
and you should never do anything to
dry up a COW. Well, these ten cows
knew their names after while, at least
they appeared to, and would take their
places as | called them. At least if
Octo attempted to get before Novem in
going through the bars Il have heard
people speak of ''pair of bars" when
there were six or eight of them), or into
the stable, the matter of precedence
was settled then and there, and once
settled there was no dispute about it
afterward. Novem either put her horns
into Octo's ribs, and Octo shambled to
one side, or else the two locked horns
and tried the game of push and gore
until one gave up. Nothing is stricter
than the etiquette of party of cows.
There is nothing in royal courts equal
to it; rank is exactly settled, and the
same individuals always have the pre-
cedence. You know that at Windsor
Castle, if the Royal Three-ply Silver
Stick should happen to get in front of
the most royal Double-andT Twisted
Golden Rod when the court is going in
to dinner, something so dreadful would
happen that we don't dare to think of
it. 1t is certain that the soup would
get cold while the Golden Rod was
pitching the Silver Stick out of the
castle window into the moat, and per-
haps the island of Great Britain itself
would split in two. But the people are
very careful that it never shall happen,
so we shall probably never know what
the effect would be. Among cows, as
say, the question is settled in short or
der, and in a different manner frOm
what it sometimes is in other society
1t is said that in other society there is
sometimes great scramble for the first
place, for the leadership as it is called,
and that women, and men too, fight fol


what is called position; and in order to
be fist they will injure their neighbors


by telling stories about them and by


backbitiug, which is the meanest kinG
of biting there is, not excepting the bite
of 6eas. But in COW society there il


nothing of this detractionin in order tt
get the first place at the crib, or The
farther stall in the stable. If the ques
ton arises, the cows tulal in, horns an6
all, and settle it with one square fight
and that ends it. have often admires
I this trait in cows.


Besides Latin, used TO try to teacl