smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1874

TRTBULATIONs OF A LOCAL EDTOR.-The
Danbury NeloS says: Once upon a time local
editor dreamed that he was dead and in anoth.
er world. He approached the gate of a city
before him and knocked tor admittance, but
no one answered his summons The gate re-
mained closed against him. Then he cried
aloud for an entrance, but the only response
were scores of heads appearing above the wall
on each side of the gate. At sight of him the
owners of the heads set up dismal howl, and
one of them cried, "Why didn't you notice the
big egg | gave you?" At this horrid and most
unex pected interrogation the poor local turned
in the direction of the voice to learn its owner,
when another voice shrieked. "Wheres the
piece you were going to write about my soda
fountainY' and close upon this was the awful
demand, "Why did you write piece about
old Peddler' s fence and never say a word about
my new gate" Whatever answer he was
going to frame to this appeal was cut abruptly
off by the astonishing query, What did you
spell my name wrong in the programme for
The miserable man turned to fee, when he
was rooted to the spot by this horrible de-
mand: " Why did you put my marriage among
the deaths?" He was on the point of saying
the foreman did it, when a shri voice madly
cried, What made you put in my runaway
and spoil the sale of my horse?' And this
was followed by the voice of female hysteri
cay proclaiming, This is the brute thai
botchsd my poetry and made me ridiculous !!


Whereupon hundreds of voices screamed
Where is my article Give me back my al
ticle I" And 10 the midst of the horrid dill
the poor wretch awoke, perspiring at ever!
pore and screaming for help. The next da.
he resigned, and we had to hunt up anothe
local editor.
Year: 1874

DRUNKEN FEMALES Scarcely anything less
than commissioner report would induce US
to believe that while in New York $50 male
persons were committed for hsbitual intoxiea.
ton during the past four years, there were ar
rested nine thousand and six females sixteen
times as many. Of the former one was rear
rested 100 times for the same offence; of the
female drunksrds 90 had to be rearrested loo
times; and this fearful proportion is observed
oil through They are not all abandoned char
acters, he says, that are thus consigned to the
tomb of vice and what he particularly de-
pleres is the commitment Of a casual offender
to the company of destitute ones, especially in
the case of females. The commissioners are
questioned whether it be just to punish such
as we have described by Imprisonment for oc-
casional intoxication. The whole question is
one of the deepest interest to all classes These
figures are almost past belief, but they are Sc
given in the New York Journals, in the pub
lished report of the Department Of Charitiel
and Correction. Press.
Year: 1874

WATCHES FOR LoCoMoTIvEs.-For years
the Pennsylvania railroads have made a first
class watch a part of the engine equipment.
numbered to correspond with the number on
the engine. The watches ara purchased BY
the company and controlled by the proper off
GERS. In the Office of each division supsrin-
tendent hangs a watchmaker's board with
numbered hooks for all the engines belonging
to that division. When the engine goes out
upon trip. the watch is taken from the hook;
When it returns, the watch is replaced, and
while in the Office is run with the regulator
As consequence, all the engines upon tbs
road are being run upon uniform time. anc
no record has vet been made of an acciden
resulting from discrepancy of watches.
Year: 1874

As soon as the Congressional chaplain closes
his appeal to the Throne of Grace there is q
cIapping of hands all over the floor. 1t is the
way the members have Of calling pages to their
side. Every Congressman begins his days
labor by giving an order to a messenger; hence
the olapping is universal and uproarious
Well. that beats me-" said an elderly man
in the gallery, with mud on his boots whi:h
looked as though it had hesn brought from the
other side of the Potomac; :" don't see any
thing in that prayer worth cheering"
Year: 1874

A Western paper speaks of the house-clsan-
ing season as that when divine woman has her
takes his solemn repast from the top of the
-four barrel, and, in sleeping, enjoys the free;
dom Of the interval between his bedroom and
the front fence. Its season OF meditation,
whitswash and calm, unimpassiOned profanity.
Year: 1874

Endeavor, if possible, to keep clear con-
science, and two or three clean shirts. Rise
With the lark, but avoid larks in the evening.
Be above ground in all dwellings, and above
board In all your dealings. Love your neigh
dor as yourself, but don't have too many In
the same house with you.
Year: 1874

A young man in Detroit who was married
about six months ago was recently finding fault
with the prices of the market He said he
could not understand how it was, for they used
to figure it Cut as he sat with his arm round
her waist on Sunday nights, and all it would
cost them to live was $2.75 week. and now
he spent $l5 and was hungry halt the time.
Year: 1874

| am weary of life-bury me deep on the
hillside" wrote a young man in Dubuque, who
had taken a dose Of laudanum but thsv
pumped him out, and that same night he went
to the circus and laughed till he cried at the
antics Of the trick mules.
Year: 1874

A certain farmer, having company at dinner,
was ambitious to make it appear that he was
somebody. Addressing his boy he said:
" Have you driven those sheep imp Yes
sir: Are you sure you drove them all in ?''


Yes sir; L saw him jump over the bars"
He had but one.
Year: 1874

A noted horse jockey "down east" was
awakened one night by violent thunder
storm. Being somewhat timid he woke his
wife With "Wife wife do you suppose the
Day of Judgment has Gomez" "Shut up,
you fool! was the affectiOnate reply; how
can the Day of Judgment come in the nirht2n
Year: 1874

The Missouri HdrrisOnian advsrtises four
hundred aud twenty cow bells for sale, and ex-
plains that it took them from hard ware man
in payment for job work.


1t is stated that new weekly paper, called
the Jim and Elidza Journal, has been started
in Mississippi. Jim and Eliza are supposed
TO be the editor and his wife.


Game to his death while being hit on the
head with long handled stewpSR IN the hands
of his wife" was the verdict in = recent case
in Illinois.


"Closed in consequence Of debt in the
family" is the communicative announcement
on the door Of q fugitive tradesman in a neigh
boring city.
Why is coal the most contradictory article
known to commerce? Because, when pur.
chased, instead Of going to the buyer, it gOes
to the cellar.
In pOckst.piekinE, az in everything else, a
msn never succeeds until he gets his hand in.


IF you want to make hustle in the world,
take Eve newspapers and piece of tape.


Whyisa hog good mathematician Be-
cause he 10 good on square root


Never kick man when he is down, unless
ysu are sure he cant get up.


If you wish to hear anything further from
the Fir0inius drop her a line.


Why is woodchuck like sausage7 Be.
cause it's ground hog.


What State is round on both ends and high
ia the middleH Ohio.


Why is thunderstorm like an onion Be.
cause it is peal on peal.
Year: 1874

A bachelor says if you hand lady q news.
paper with paragraph cus out of it, not q
line of it will be read, but every bit of in
terest felt in the paper by the lady will center
in finding out what the missing paragraph con-
tanned.
Year: 1874

Whether the same blood circulated through
the veins of both or not it is certain they were
different in temperament and disposition
Eng was mild, amiable, gentle in his disposi-
ton and pleasing in his manners. Chang was
Year: 1874

TO THE EDITOR OF THE HERALD


In view OF the near approach OF o winter
or unprecedented need for charitable relief. pro-
pose that the directors OF the American Institute
allow the building to be open one week beyond the
advertised time for closing. and that they allow The
exhibitors to occupy the space now occupied oy
them without charge that they allow their goods to
remain; that they reduce the admission Zee twenty
five cents and abolish the free list; the receipts, ex'
elusive Of employees salaries and the small lncl-
dental expenses, to be gwen to different charita-
bic institutions to be distributed TO the poor.


This IDEA am confident can be made practical
pie win tne nelp OF the lew particularly inter
ested. being an exhibitor Of three dinerent ar
ticles at the iair and being acquainted with ous-
mess men throughout the city, Know from con.
willingly give their help. b. \. n.
Year: 1874

There was crowded house at the
theatre last night and the entertain
ment was of sterling worth, Miss
Florence Kent, in particular, acting
with consummate skill. At the re-
quest of theatre-goers Miss Kent will
give three more entertainments in
Los Angeles, tonight and on Monday
and Tuesday nights. Owing to the
many amusements presented last
week this troupe did not receive the
general support it merited, and the
theatre should be thronged for the
next three nights.
Year: 1874

AS the Winteris coming on, now Is
your time to buy your supply of boots
and shoes. William Slaney of the
popular Cosmopolitan Boot and Shoe
Store, is selling his large and splendid
stock of boots and shoes and rubbers
at greatly reduced price, so if you
want bargains make no delay but call
at once. Cosmopolitan Boot and
Shoe Store, 100 Main street, opposite
Wells & Fargo. Sign of big blue boot.


-s-s
Year: 1874

ra The tide ofImmigration IL steadily set
ting in, and the first thing eastern people do
Is TO throw way their New York Hats ana buy
a new on g of DESMOND, They say there is no
com parison betweenitre two.s 212o
Year: 1874

ABILL empowering County Boards
to extend the time for the collection


of taxes has passed the State SEN
ate. If the same passes the House
and becomes a law, it will be well
for the Board of Iowa County to
consider the propriety Of granting
an extension this year. In all parts
of the County the people are paying
as fast as possible, but many will be
unable to pay in the time usually
granted, who are desirous of doing SO,
and can raise the money a month or
two later. That such parties should
suffer the loss and annoyance Of
having their property returned is
a hardship to be avoided if possible
Year: 1874

TRANSFERS should remember that
thin plaster of hard soap spread
upon the hoof inside of the shoe,
and so as to cover it entirely, will
prevent balling for at least a day
after it is put on.
Year: 1874

ELDER TAsKER has our thanks,
and will receive those of our readers,
for his interesting letter from Madi-
son. We hope he will thus favor us
again during the session of the Leg
islature.
Year: 1874

l


THE roads in .nis vicinity were
never in LITER condition than now
q more pleasant winter than the
present was never known in Wis
consin; the crops Of last year were
generally better than average, and
prices for all farm products rule
higher than common; our miners
generally are making good wages.
Under these favorable circumstances
what can seriously delress our city
and county? Surely lot a tax of
4 to ii per cent. on al assessment
of % to 80 per cent. # the prop
erty's real value !! Wefeel it in our
bones that year hene will see our
people more prospectus than for
years past, and proprty advance
in value more than epugh TO cover
the tax now being pad.
Year: 1874

The Great Republic arrived last evening,
and brought back to New Orleans the in.
defatigable General N. JEFF Thompson, who
went to Washington to urge the passage of
the levee bill. JEFF didn't have much TO
say about the Fort St. Philip canal, as be s
more interested in protecting agriculture
by guarding the levees up the river than
promoting commerce at it's mouth. When
he got to Washington he was evidently,
from his story, in his element, for he was
seized On ny all sorts Of people, and being
chuck full of talk, gave them all they
wanted.


From Wssh;r g-on be went to Harper's
Ferry, to meet aged acquaintances Of forty
years standing. There be overcame tie
distractions Of the prohibitory law, by the
production Of Hawking Best" which he
accidentally had with him. Then he cap
tured the mayor, and got decree directed
to one grocery to relax in his favor while he
held the town in custody.


At Chicago, with the aid of a carriage and
map, he claims to have seen more IN day
than half the Oldest residents could tell Of
il onth.


On his way South be struck St. joe on
the fourth Of July. The advent Of an ante
beliu1n mayor IN that city, with loQuacious
powers unequaled from where the tail of
.he American eagle shields the gentle moose
from the. driving snow to the green waters
OF the g1lf in which he dips his bill in
search of the tender pompano, was an event.
The opportunity was too tempting to be re-
sisted. 1t was It solved that good, old
fashioned Indepen ieDce Day should be cele
brsted in the good old way, ami that JEFF
should crate the oratiOn. And it was so.
The eagle bird spread his wings again,
and everybody was happy.


Coming down the river General Thomp-
son got the best consecutive view Of the
levees he has ever had, for the boat only
travelled BY day in consequence Of the
state Of the water. He will remain in the
city only short time, and Immediately re-
turn TO active duty.
Year: 1874

Stephen A. Douglas may have monu-
ment erected TO his memory yet. A
scheme is on foot by the friends Of the
Chicago University to have the two acres
of land on which the unfinished monument
now stands sold, a portion Of the proceeds
devoted to the erection of bronze statue
of Mr.. Douglas, and the remainder given
to the college to pay off its debt. 1t is
proposed to have the remains of Mr. Doug
las removed to a spot in front of the uni
versity and the statue erected there. OF
course the Legislature will have to be petit
toned and its sanction given.
Year: 1874

while here, before sailing on the unpleas.
ant voyage. The questions were all to
show that he had received q sum of money
before he left here and that Robbins knew
1t. and went on the vessel with the inten-
tion of robbing him. The examination
continued up TO the time of the attack
when the court adjourned until Mond ay
morning at ten o'clock.


The Commissioner gave the officer strict
orders TO allow no one except counsel to
see Robbins alone. His friends were not
excepted.


AT the close of the examination the pris.
oner was once more taken to the marshal's
office and again visited by his friends. The
father is a man about 80 years Of age and
appears well. He says that few years
ago his son Charles fell from q carriage
and struck on his temple. He was '.out
OF his head for one or two days Ia conse-
9uence, during which time it required five
men TO keep him in bed. After he got bet
ter the boy did not remember anything Of
the affair. About week before the AN
ME b" affair occurred Robbins wrote to
his wife saying that he expected to have to
give up his trade as his head was troub-
ling him where he hurt Ii In falling from
the wagon. The father SAYS that Charles
has always appeared strangely since he
fell. When quite young he went away TO
work and worked quite steady, but since
he fell he has not appeared to care whether
he worked or not.


The prisoners friends returned home
last night 10 Deer Isle. and will procure
witnesses from there to show the charac-
ter of the prisoner. They will return Mon
day night on the Lewision.-f Press.
Year: 1874

some one saws if we would show our
selves really good TO our daughters. we
must hc generous To them in a truer sense
than that of hanging trinkcts on their
necks." No word, could he more sensible
Nine girls out of ten would rather have a
camel's hair shawl than a necklace Pa
rents should remember this.
Year: 1874

Enough has already been developed


to assure our people that the ffeights


for Montana during the next season
will come to us by way of the Missouri


river and over the Muscleshell route,
from thence to Helena I'VE believe


this route will be open and that it will


affords us cheaper and quicker trans.


portion than we have ever known be-


fore. The portion Of the Missouri II


yer from the crossing to the mouth Of
the Muscleshell is the best portion for
navigation. Below are the sand bars
and -above HfD tnU fapidS. 30 Tar as


we can Judge by map and it's scale
of distances, we would not think the


distance for river transportation to ex-


ceed 500 miles, and q steamboat ought
to be able to make two round trips in


month. The cost of transportation


from Muscleshell to Helena cannot ex-


ceed that from Benton. Though the


distance is about fifty miles greater to


Muscleshell, it is over a better road


much of the way, and better supplied


with feed. There will hardly be q


d weeks difference in the time neces-


sary to make the trip. At any rate


the increase, both in time and expense


of land transportation, will not he half
of what is saved on the river. Many
a thousand dollars will be saved to our
people by the reduced rates that will


be charged on freight in and out Of this
country. We are assured that such
rates will be offered on transportation
Of quartz ores, that a large business
will be done in this direction. Here:
tOfore we have exported nothing but
gold. Hereafter we shall export more
and more of our ores, and the growth
OF this business will largely measure
our growth in wealth. Our supply Of
ores is inexhaustible, and as soon rs
cost Of transportation will leave rs . !
healthy working margin this business
will grow in proportion. There are
many other incidental advantages that |
we shall reap from this diversion of
freights. All the money expended in


By this route will be kept IN |
the country and go into the fists and
pockets Of our ranchmen, instead of
going to the support of Mormons, Is
it largely does now. 1t will be the
means also of settling up Q flno ani
productive section of our Territory,
give us additional security against In
dams, and encourage the earlier COM
pletiOn Of the North Paci11c Railroad.
When once the value of our trade is
known every exertion is going to be
made by that company to retain and
foster it. Whether passengers and
mails will come by this new ronte is
more doubtful, but we feel very sure
that quite an immigration will take
place from the end of the railroad to
The Missouri and Muscleshell valleys,
and the real development of Eastern
Montana begin.-Helena Herald.
Year: 1874

AS we are becoming somewhat me-
tropolitan in character and as we now
require the services of considerable
police force, | would suggest to your
honorable body the Importance of
making that branch of the municipal
power as distinctive and efficient as
OOSSibln
Year: 1874

WHAT They Do.-The first thing young man
does when he sees friend with new hat on is
to take IL of and serenely try 1t his own head.
with new bonnet, she just lifts up her nose and
serenely wonders "where the thing got that
fright"
Year: 1874

Recently, near Germantown, wo-
man was scooped up by the cow-catch-
er of loo motive The train couldn' I
be stopped until it had run half mile.
The woman was unhurt When the
story of her escape was told to her
husband he said sadly, well, I'll be
darned if wimmen amt hard to kill.
There was my fine Durham. He got
on the track and the locomotive struck
HIM. and there wasn't enough life left
in him to supply animation to fly
And my horse ran away with the GIG
and the train came along and hit hin
and it, and the horse was killed, and
there wasn't piece of the gig left big
enough to make plug for the spigot
hole of a barrel Now, that wife Of
mine is of no account, and she escapes
It's always the same. If you have Nv,
eggs in your hand, and one is bad AND
the other good, and you LET one drop
it's invariably the good one tha
breaks And he looked sad, and
turned his chew of tobacco in ti'
mouth, and cogitated on the strange IN
consistencies of accidents.
Year: 1874

Inspiring Effect of the Finance Fix


ity.


New YORK, June 22.-TO-day has been
one of the most important in Wall street
for weeks past. The signing of the cmren-
CIV bill by the President changed the whole
temper Of speculation from bear to bull,
and with the passage of the tariff bill by
the Senate, gave buoyancy to dealings on
tie Stock Exchange and in the gold room
such as has not been witnessed for a long
time DaSt.
Year: 1874

Go to the island of Great Britain, and
you will find that thirty thousand men
own the entire landed estate of that
Kingdom. 1.-THE accumulaters oflanded
estates in this Republic shall aggregate
to themselves as vast an apportionate
Year: 1874

Cur HAY FOR Mich Cows.-Cut
lay or straw is more valuable than
whole, and if steamed is still more
nutritious. Wetting down is substi-
tute for steaming, and may he resorted
to when one has not got a steam box
and boiler. Sow some fodder corn for
your cows, and feed the hay and bran
merely wet down in Summer, but in
Winter by all means steam it. The
best length to cut your hay is half
inch; little more or less will not much
matter. 1t is claimed by those who
have experimental with cut food that
there is a saving of not less than twen-
ty-Gve per cent
Year: 1874

How many farmers might obtain
plenty of new accommodations for poul-
try by simply making use of the build
ings they already possess, and how
farmers consider fowls unworthy of con-
sideration, because of some supposed
difficulty or expense in erecting suitable
houses


And worse than this, how many
farmers try to make poultry pay without
any result beyond continual vexations,
merely from lack of ingenuity in bring
ing ordinary appliances into play
"Why bother" they ask, " about raising
chickens in cow-sheds and outbuildings,
when you can set out as many coops as
you like on the grass of a paddock, the
gravel of a stable-yard, or upon the
scattered rick-yard straw" Because,
generally speaking, half your chickens
die under the common tarm-yard treat
ment. They get wet feet and die of
cramp; they drink the high colored
soak-water of manure heaps, of straw
yard drains and other filthy slops, and
consequently sicken and die by dozens.


We have a troop of adult breeding
fowls loose in the farm-yard they pick
up large part of their living there
But they do not thrive so well and keep
so healthy as other troops of breeding
stock which we have stationed at houses
purposely erected in grass fields far
from the homestead For very small
sum YOU may erect a square board
house, tarred outside, lime washed in
side, and covered with asphalted felt
Each of the four sides is in separate
piece, the roof Gf of a gable form) in
two pieces, all knocked together at tie
corners with staples and pins. So
house, say six feet or seven feet cubit,
can be popped into cart, and tempor-
arily set up in pasture, or on stub
BILE, or wherever there may be good
picking for the fowls A couple of
perches, few nests, and drinking-pan
for the furniture, while the ground cov-
cred in by the house (for there is no
wooden floors) is spread over with
loose earth, ashes, and mortar. Such
is the home for one cock and eight or
ten hens and pullets during the breed
ing season, or the home of double this
number of half-grown chickens The
house should be placed against hedge,
or in corner where two hedges meet,
so that few poles or posts protect it
against cattle.


There can be no good reason against
grazing fowls as well as other ami
mails, " and the farmer who tries it for
the first time will be surprised at the
amount of "grub Qiterally, perhaps }
which the active scratchers and pickers
will find in a grass field, in and under
the droppings of sheep and cattle,
among hedgeposts, upon ditch sides,
and so on; only small amount of
grain being necessary twice a day.
We wish that many farmers would take
our advice-procure what hardy sort
you most fancy, Cochin or Brahma,
that endure close quarters game that
are strong old English birds; Dorkings
that like dry chalk and gravel coun-
tries or, if you are in low or wet
neighborhood, on tenacious soil, put
Cochin cock to Dorking females (no
cross breeds allowed for parents, mind,
but get good blood and pure breeds)
and you will have hardihood in your
chicks, as well as weight and quality
in your couples for market.