Year: 1878

BY The Detroit Free Press Man,


"What is that boy doing 2"


"He is catching whale. The
whale is generally spoken of by
poets as the monster of the deep
10 you see how lively he is ? The
whale is the sportive fish under
water. The shark can take Joke
and crack one, but for broad rifliing
humor tho whale knocks oil tho
funny almanacs into slivers."


'How long is a whale q


Some whales are eighty feet long;
put II you ever see ono, and rush
into q printing Office to have an itom
built on tho fact, it would DO better
for your children if you said that
the whale was forty feet long. The
world can forgive a man for exaggo~
rating the facts of a tornado, freshet
or steamboat disaster, but the man
who lies about fish is gone up from
that moment. That's the reason
why no true, good man ever goes
a-tishing."


"Can q whale crack hickory nut
with his teeth 2"


'He can, but no doesn't fool
around with such trihes. When he
opens his mouth to bite he prefers
to crack q whale, boat, or q bald
headed sea captain from Nantucket
one of those tough old fellows
who come back from tho Artic seas,
and tell about seeing four moons in
tho sky at once"


''Is whales mouth rs largo as
the capitol building at Washing-
ton ?"


"That's according to whose book
on whaling you have confidence in.
Some writer's can open a whales
mouth wide enough to chuck in
most any building, while others who
want to go to Heaven state that no
whale could gulp down street car
without losing somo of his teeth
The trouble is that no newspaper
man ever finds time to go on q
cruise after whales, and therefore
the public can secure no reliable
figures and Statistics


"How old do whales lives to be 2"


"You have got us now. We never
saw the same whale over three or
four times, ald whether they died of
grief over that fact, or swan away
to make new acquaintances, we
could never find out. When u man
tolls you that whale lives to be
seven, seventy or seven hundred
years old, ask him to submit the
proofs"


"Where are whales mostly found?"


'In the water. They never come
to land until they are tired of life
and ready for change


'How fast can they swim 2"


"That is another disputed point.
A Nantucket captain says he saw
one speeding at the ratio of thirty
miles an hour, while New Bedford
captain saw one going ut the rate of
a mile minute. Horace Greeley
could have settled the dispute in his
'Recollections of a Busy Life, but
he seems to have avoided doing
30. However, if you are ever
chased by a whale, it will be prudent
for you to make hundred miles an
hour if YOU"


"Do whales prefer shelled corn to
corn on the cob ?"


mo. No well~regulated whale
would be in tho least put out after
swallowing wagon load of cobs."


''Do whales fight with each other?"


"Not often. If whale comes
fooling around, clustering what he
can do, and putting on airs, he is
generally rolled in the mud to take
the conceit out Of him, but, as
rule, the whale prefers to rest his
nose on coral reef and give him
self up to planning the social eleva-
ton of the walrus and the squid."


lis it cruel to harpoon whale 2"


1T is. There should be law
obliging the whalers to catch their
victims with q noosed rope, and
then stupefy them with chloroform.
Continue to be good boy, and to
be glad that you are not O. whale"


AN UNDEN1ABLE TRUTH You de-
serve to suffer andifyou Ieada miss
erable unsatisfactory life in this beau
tiful world, it is entirely your own