Year: 1878

Some OF my frlendS nave IOlu ne


that some of my pieces have been a


little Observation-Disclosures i have oc-


casionally said things that sounoed


a little ugly to the euphonious ear


of the refined and cultivated lady.


True, l have sometimes taken of


my trowsers of fastidiousness and


waded beyond the high water mark


in the ponds of mud and mire after


lilies. l don't gather my materials


from the Scriptures, but from wher-


ever else they may be found, either


in the great storehouse of nature or


the gay fields of fancy. Sometimes


1 take the wings of imagination and


soar upwards till l rub my back


against heavens high dome, and


then l return to earth gladdened


and refreshened. Preaching the


gospel isn't in my line. l could do


it, however, upon pinch, if the


community gets hard up for a


preacher or needs some extra par


son power to get out of the mire of


sin and abomination; but | had


rather not. We haye had preachers


among us from time immemoriaf-


some not quite so good as they


ought to be; some q little better


than there is any necessity for, and


some exactly right. A few more of


the latter class perhaps wouldn't do


much damage l believe the first


sermon was preached in the garden


of Eden to all the inhabitants in the


world ssbut a slim congregation at


that, consisting of Mr.. and Mrs.


Adam and-I believe that s. all.


Mrs. Adam thought it full OF elo-


quence, beauty and truth; in fact,
she fell in love with the spurious


preacher. Mr.. Adam didn't like 1t
much-said it was fiat, stupid and


hraggadocial, and tried to persuade
his dear wife not to pay any atten


tion to it's precepts; but she would
have her own way, and now you see
what we have all come tol Now, /
am not blaming Mrs. Adam so
much for eating the apple, for
fully believe the old man helped her
up in the tree. What / am driving
at is this, that affair left US all mere
shattered wrecks of piety; almost
rotten with ruin; and ever since we
have been compelled to employ
preachers of the gospel. And the
only difference between him and me
is that he breaches truth and piety
as found in the Bible, whereas
preach truth, virtue and morality
mixed up with ideality, sentimen-
tality, sublimity and homespun, and
1 think 1 can pull an even yoke
with any of the preachers for meek
ness, mildness and gentleness, for l
know it is easier to coax pig into
a pen with an ear of corn than to
drive him with cudgel.


Truth ought to be mixed up with
little soft solder and passed
around in the cup of pleasantly, of
fered with the right hand of fellow


ship. Talking about preachers, 1
sometimes feel like 1 could criticise
the whole creation of them upon a
half sheet of foolscap, but 1 am
afraid. Some don't put half enough
seasoning in their sermons to be
palatable, and yet some use the pep
per box too freely. Others drug
their discourses with opiates in or
der, purposely it would seem, to
bring a somnolency upon the audi
ence that they may not be too Sc
we're in their criticisms at the din
ner table. Some are addicted to a
monotonous drawing that sounds
as nearly as l can compare it to
distressed night wind making itself
more miserable by haunting old
hollow trees, visiting lone places,
and murmuring among the gloomy
pines of the mountains. The audi
ence soon lose all control of their
attentive faculties for the want of
excitement, and, the sweet souls of
the ladies sink below-I must say
it--theIr bustles, and those of the
men settle in the seats CT their un-
mentionables. Now and then you
come across one who has a voice
sharp enough to shave with, whose
gestures are as ludicrous as dane
ing-jack' ,; throws his arms about in
every possible which away; now
extending them like the wings OF an
old fashioned wind mill, and then
slapping against his sides like
game cock preparing to a victorious
crow. And then again with
clinched fist he commits assault and
battery upon the Bible and bangs
the big at the beginning of Gene
SIS. Now l don't care how good
such a sermon may be it will have
no more effect upon the audience,
as far as their getting to heaven is
concerned, than the rubbing of
spirits of turpentine upon the tail