Year: 1877




erty and should be treated as sucb ;s q
belief that has grown to be very popular
with many people. That they are osly
ordinary mortals with rights and FEELINGS
like others is fact that some people do
not take into consideration. They are
expected to be, like Josh Billings flea, in
forty places at once. The moment that
stentorian voice cries "all up" after a mail
is distributed, that moment will forty
men begin to hammer away on their box
es with their knuckles, seal rings and
pocket knives, as though all of their fu-
ture prosperity and success depended on
their getting their mail that very instant,
and they put on look of injured inno-
cence and wonder "what in the dickens
those clerks are about" and in all human
probability "those clerks" are flying
around behind the boxes at the rate of
forty miles an hour, with their coat-tails
on level with their heads, doing their
utmost TO respond to the calls of "here.
here" "Come to my box, can't your"
"Be lively in there!.' and some sarcastic
individual will cry out, Having a nap,
are you?" Another will say, dreaming
sweet dreams, are you" and will then
pride themselves upon having said most
brilliant and witty thing. Others will
declare their intention of writing to
Headquarters" asking the ones in au-
thority there to send out some clerks as
are clerks.


Men who can be comfortable and hap
py for six hours at a time on an empty
dry goods box, are made the most miser-
able and wretched of creatures if they
have to wait three minutes for their mail,
and they are led to remark that "this
thing of having TO wait all day for their
mail is getting thin" and after they get
their mail they can lean against a railing
in the sun half day at time and con-
slider it blessing rather than hardship
to be permitted so to do.


But at the general delivery" is the
place to witness the angelic side Of some
peoples natures. If you want to see
black looks, frowns, and back kicking, and
hear gnashing of teeth, calling of hard
names, and making of threats most dead
ly, 60 to the general delivery" 1t is
such good place to snub the clerks, too.
That's the place to order them around
and make them feel their own insignifi.
canoe and utter worthlessness, Yell the
names of a whole generation of Browns
Smiths and Greens into their ears, and if
they, after carefully looking, say that
there is no letters for any such person,
do you endeavor to impress upon their
mind by your looks, that it is your firm
conviction that they have lied.


Do not ask for your mail until you
have thrust about half of your body
through the aperture which is intended
for your face alone to appear before.
Don't think of being at all polite to the
clerks, but if they are not polite to you,
then do you go out into the highways
and proclaim to the world that post-ofice
clerks are the most ill-mannered and vic
ious Of mortals. a- .a.


If the clerk should by any chance be
sitting down and should fail to jump up
with a face expressive of the utmost joy
at meeting you when you present your
self at the window, then do you forever
brand that clerk as "lazy thing" Don't
let any one convince you that the fellow
might have been half sick OF very tired,
Post Office clerks have no business to be
either tired or sick. They don't do any
thing! As though just standing still all
day and handing out few letters was
work. Preposterous ideal


Be sure and stand at the window ff-
teen minutes after you get your mail,
carefully opening and reading your letters,
and if the clerk should request you in
the politest manner possible to step aside,
do you take it as personal insult and
raise howl of righteous indignation in
consequence thereof. 1t is an insult
which you should resent by making a
frightful grimace at him, which mark of
esteem on your part the clerk should re-
sent by knocking you backwards about
halfway across Main street.


Be sure and go to the Office about six
times after the arrival of every mail.
Keep the clerks busy; don't allow them
to sit down a single moment. Uncle
Sam don't pay them for sitting around all
day. If the clerk gives you a sharp
answer to the twenty-ffth question you
ask him, then do you look at him as
though you thought in your soul that he
had committed high crime against the
rest of mankind by ever having been
born. In short do all and Everything
you can to snub and illtreat the. whole
clerical force, and make them distinctly
understand they are paid for nothing else
but to be knocked about, and to be used
as target for all the rest of mankind to
have their fling at.