Year: 1878

Cincinnati Saturday Night: Edison,
the phOnograph man, IS wretched un-
less he iuvents half a dozen things a
day. He does it just for amusement
when other business is not pressing.
The other day he went out for stroll,
and he thought out plan for walking
on one leg 50 as to rest the other, be-
fore he had gone square.


He hailed milk-wagOn and told
the driver of a little invention that
had popped through his head just at
that moment fer delivering milk
without getting out of his wagon or
even stopping his horses. A simple
force pump, with hose attached,
worked by the foot would do the busi.
ness, Aiilkmen, who dislike to halt
for anything i'll their mad career, be-
cause it prevents them from running
over as many children as they other
wise might do, would appreciate this
Improvement Edison isn't sure but
what pigs feet and sausage could be
delivered in the same way.


He stepped into hotel office, and
observing the humiliation which
the guests encountered in seek
ing 10 obtain information from the
high-toned clerk, he sat down in the
reading-rOOm, and in five minutes had
invented q hotel clerk to work by ma
chinery, warranted to stand behind
the counter any length Oftime desired,
and answer all questions with prompt
ness, correctness and suayity-dia-
mond pin on, and hair parted in the
middle if desired.


LOunging into the billiard room, he
was struck with the needless amount
of cushion, required to each table.
Quick as lightning he thought of
better and more economical plan
cushion tho balis! He Immediately
pulled out postal card and wrote to
Washington applying for apatent.


Inbibing mint-julep in a saloon
adjoining, a brilliant idea flashed
through his fertile brain, and before
he let tho place he had invented an
instrument that is likely to revO-
lufionize the entire saloon business.
1t is a machine SO constructed that
when person who has been taking
some spirituous beverage breathes in
70 it, the action of his breath upon a
peculiarly nrepaEed suhStanee-alS0
the invention Of Mr.. EdisOn-made to
revolve slowly by means of a small
crank, makes such an impression,
that by again applying the lips and
turning the crank tha othar way, the
effects of the drink can be reproduced
as many times as desired, no matter
how great IA time may have elapsed.
\ man with one of these instruments
could prepare himself with cocktails
for long journey simply for the small
price of one drink. Edison
christened it the "toddygraph." OF
course. the saloons will fight against it
bitterly, as it must ineEitaPl destroy
ninety-nine out of every hundred of
them. A person can mix his drinks
| lust to suit himself, and then stock
| his tQddygraph with supply of differ
ent beverages sufficient 10 last him a
lifetime. And when he has drunk
J himself to death with it, his children
can bring it out occasionally to revive
| tender recoIections OF their parent by
/ turning the crank aud getting whiff
of the old mans breath.
A capital assistant the toddygraph
would be to the temperance cause.
| Wives. whose husbands let on that
| they don't drink, could haVa one
ready to test them with when they
came home late at night. The gen
uiueness of a Murphyite's reformation


could also lis determined by it. And
| how easy to expose this Fraudulent
temperance lecturer! l wouldn't an
| swer for some of them to get within a


quarter of ? mile of one.


| When Edison started tG 90 out, he
| had to pass the barber shop of the hq-
| tel. and as he did so, he sighed to think
that with all his genius and creative
| imagination he could never hope 10
| equal the knight of the razor as a


talking machine. This saddened him


90 that he went home and invented
no more that day: