Year: 1866

that have begun to think of being mar
rled at once, | wonder that / could have
borne the idea of waiting, as we had plan
ned before"


L wished that his voice were less tender
that his eyes were not so full of loving
trust l must make haste and tell him my
decision, before | grew too weak-too much
a woman.


"Joe," | said, and l tried so hard to be
firm thatitgave my voice a cold, ,resolute, de.
tiant ring" | have thought it all over, and
If you must stay at home | can not marry
you. 1t would make me miserable, and |
know you do not want to do that. You
said, in the first place, that you knew |
was utterly untitled to be farmers wife,
and that you would never have asked me
to marry you if you had not planned out a
different career for yourself"


81 know, Helen-but afterward | grew
surer of your heart, and understood better
what love meant. And now | have no
of things for mother and Angeline, or the
farm would never give them the comforts
of life. 1t would be a good while before
could make enough in any new business to
help them. | must do just this thing and
no other--so | thought you too would be
ready to make the best of it."


How his great, sad, loving eyes looked
at me, saying more than his words said,
and how l hardened my heart against
them


"Joe," said, al do not think you un-
derstand me | have thought it all over,
| and | can see it but in one light Look at
the women round us here in Hillsbury See
what lives they live, and what their lives
make of them I can't live So 1t would
make me hate myself, and you. | should
want to die l do love you, ice. Don't use
the power my love gives you to urge me
into a life where l could never be useful or
happy, or make you So"


How the trust, and hope, and light faded
out of his eyes as they looked at me. How
blank and fixed, almost a dead face, his
face grew He seemed for moment like
one whom heavy blow had stunned :
then flash of his old, manly pride famed
up in his eyes. He uttered no lamentaton
not even a remonstrance. He only asked
| with dignity which awed me


"You have weighed the matter well ?
You are sure you have made up your
mind"


And when | said l was sure, he got up
to go.


My duty remains the same, Helen. l
can not change that for it is Gods order
ing. | won't stay to pain you. Child, let
me kiss you once more"


He had risen to go, and he took me sud-
denly in his arms | would not have freed
myself if | could l felt his heart beating
in great, painting throbs against my side.
For a moment his lips pressed mine as if
| they would breathe out the whole love of
his life, and then he let me 60, and went
out into the windy, desolate April night. |
stood at the window and watched him go
ing home-with such different mien from
that which had angered me before--going
home to his grief and his loss, his sister
bereaved like himself, his mother who was
a widow.


That night slept little did not real
ize Just what | had done--of how much of
my life and soul had bereft myself but
one thing l felt intensely could not stay
in Hillsbury, where l should see Joe con-
stantly. By-aud-by when | was stronger |
would come back, but for the present
must take refuge somewhere. 1t was Sat
urday night, so | could do nothing until
Monday, but | made all my plans. My fa-
ther was well known in the neighboring
towns, and | thought l could secure a stu
alton to teach school in some of them with
out difficulty. would get away by this
means for the summer By the time school
was out we should have overlved the
worst of it, both Joe and l. Then, perhaps,
would come home.


| mentioned to matter at breakfast next
Nv fcf NIT
ton of surprise, and | could see at once
that he was prepared to oppose my plan.
But grandmother interposed mildly be-
tween me and refusal.


az am glad you have thought of it, Hell
en-, she said, approvingly. " 1t is excellent
discipline for any girl, and think it's just
what you need. James, you could find an
opening for her easily enough, couldn't you,
you know so many people 2"


"Why, yes" my father answered reflect
ingly, "if l thought it best for her to go.


There is Colonel Cushing of Montclair,
who wrote me last week to see if | knew
of teacher. But it's such strange freak
for Helen"


"There's wisdom in freaks, sometimes, "
grandmother said, mildly. The converse
tion dropped there, but with her on my side
l felt pretty sure that my point was gain
ed


went to church that day. dreaded it,
but nothing but sickness ever excused
Hillsbury people from churchgoing. Joe
was there, sitting in his black clothes, be-
side his mother and Angeline in their deep
mourning. Mrs. Scarborough looked all
worn-out with sorrow--her face chalk
white in her close black bonnet pitied
her, but l did not like her. Angeline, it
seemed to me, was stiffer than ever felt,
when l came near them in going out out of
church, as if wind from the frozen pole
had crossed my track. Joe spoke to me
with grave courtesy--he would not have
done more than that at such time if the
words of the night before had been left un-
said but oh, how l missed the smile, heart
warm and involuntary, the quick CLEAN
from the loving eyes which had welcomed
me always, ever since | had promised to
be Joe's wife That Sunday was long,
sad day l was glad when it was over.


In two weeks more was settled at
Montclair, teaching shool. Colonel Cushing
was my head Committeeman gentle
manly, polished widower, with two little
girls who were the most interesting of my
scholars found teaching school a great
deal easier and pleasanter than had i'm