Year: 1878

Ihe worst thlDg aOout a mos
quito is its long solioquy as tC
where and when it had better set
: tie down to bite.


Bleeding at the nose can be
e stopped by telling man that
: his parents were born in the
t poorhouse. His nose will stop
!, and yours will begin.
Many young men would be i'm.
proved in appearance if they


could have their ears trimmed
whenever they. have their hair


cropped short.


'Look out for all sorts Of sus-
Ipicious roorbacksabout Brown"
says the Rochester Chronicle.
Can't do it--we'ye got to look


out for Smith.


No matter how hard it is to find


a rocking chair during the day, a


man'is sure to fall over one when
he is in search of a match box al.


ter dark.


An exchange prints a remedy
for hard times. 1t is simply to go


to work and save your money. 1t
was a marvel that this was not
thought OF several years ago.
|. If YOU should offer ten thou
sand dollars for a sewing ma
chine that didn't take the "first


premium" at the Paris Exposi-
ton we don't suppose you could
get one.


"What this country needs" says
one of the young ladies, sis a re-
Iligion which will make u man feel
that it is just as cold for his wife
to get up and make a fire as it is
for himself"


The scientific journals are
greatly exercised over color
blindness, but we'd like to see


just one man in this country
who'd mistake a five dollar gold
piece for nickel.


A business woman says that
there would be thousands more
tramps than now. if it were not
for the noble self sacrifice of the
fair sex in marrying and support
ing lazy men.


Itrequires great moral strength
and tenacity of purpose to ena-
BILE a man to sleep till seven in
the morning when an industri-
Gus fly has decided that he had
better get up at half-past four.


The scarcity of fashionable
young men at the watering places
last summer is accounted for by
Ithe fact that great many cash.
iers, treasurers, and bank clerks
are now occupying prison cells as
defaulters.


Times are changing indeed.
A man used to be able to pass
himself off for a genius by |
wearing spectacles and letting
his hair grow long, but that
racket don't work now. The
conditions of lite are growing
harder for the poor man all the
time.


One Of the most difficult prob
lens to a mind of analytical ten
denotes is to comprehend the mag.
nitude of prompting cause strong
enough to cause colored man to
commit suicide right in the middle
of the watermelon season. The
first case of the kind ever recor-
ded occurred in Alabama.


Every now and then some chap
writes to newspaper for a receipt
to prevent hair from coming out.
If men would go home from the
lodge before midnight, with their
legs sober, their hair would not
come out go rapidly. We always
go home early. and we have more
hair now than the day we were
born.


History, modern and ancient,
shows that a party of fishermen
may start off and forget their
bait or some OF their tackle,
but the quart bottle containing /
"medicinc," in ca-e one of the
number is bitten by shark or
sea serpent, or an alligator is
never, never left behind.


A correspondent wants to know
why women never sleep in church.
We suspect that it is on account of
their uncomfortable head gear.
We don't believe any man, with
bis head jAbbed full of hair pins,
and back hair twisted up SO tight
that sneeze would break blood
vessel, could end repose even un-
der the most somniiying discourse
that ever banished physical pain.


The story is told OF a clergy
man that after preaching au in.
teresting sermon on the sRecogni
ton Of Friends in Heaven" be
was accosted by a hearer who
said 81 like that sermon, and
now / wish you wculd preach one
on the recognition Of friends in
this world. have been attending /
your church three years and not
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