Year: 1875




happened to be in the Argus Office the
other day, talking with Colonel Bangs, the
editor, when red-whiskered man entered
and saluted the Colonel by throwing a chair
at him. Then he seized Bangs by the hair,
bumped his head against the table three or
four times, and then kicked him on the
shins. When this, exhilarating exercise
was over, the visitor shook his fist very
close to the ColonePs nose, and said, ''You
mutton-headed outcast, if you don't put
that notice in tomorrow I'll come round
yer and smash You up De you hear me?
Then he cuffed Bangs's ears a couple of
times, kicked him some more, emptied the
inkstand over his head, poured the sand
from the sand-box in the same place,
knocked over the table and went out.
During all this time the Colonel sat still
with sickly kind of smile on his face
and never uttered word. When the man
left, Bangs picked UP the table, wiped the
ink and sand from his face, and turning to
me, said:


"Gus will have his little fun, you see !"


sHe is a somewhat exuberant humorist," +"
I replied. "What was the object of the
joke ?"


"Well, he's going to sell his furniture at
auction and promised to notice the fact
in to-day's Argus, but I forgot it and he
called to remind me Of it,"


"Do all of your friends refresh your
memory in that vivid manner? IfPd been
in your place, I'd have knocked him
down"


''No you wouldn't" said Bangs; "no
you wouldn't. Gus is sheriff, and he con-
trolls two thousand dollars worth of official
advertising. I'd sooner he'd kick me from
here to Borneo .and back again than to
take that advertising away from the Argats.
What's few bumps and sore shin or two
along side Of all that fatness? No, sir, he
can have all the fun he wants out Of me.


The Argus, believe, is particularly proud
of the fact that it exists in land wEere the
press is free and independent.


was little afraid that the Netos would
cease publication last week on account OF
the receipt Of the information that the
Archbishop Of Canterbury had never been
baptized; but am glad to see that it is
going Oh as usual. Down in our village,
the first impulse Of the people, when they
heard the news, was to close their houses,
to discontinue business, to sop buying
groceries and marketing, to permit them
selves to become gloomy and bilious, and
co give themselves up to a green and yellow
melancholy. But the mournful feeling is
gradually wearing Off, under the modifying
influence of Time, which heals the cruelest
wounds, and l hope soon to witness q
general return of the population to their
original cheerfuiness. They are hard to
soothe when they have suffered from the
| blight of q great affection; but when they
wrestle in earnest with their grief they are
very apt to become less sad. But the
Archbishop ought to walk circumspectly in
| tho future. i would not like to answer for
| the result if this town should receive the
| intelligence that Canterbury habitually
stands on his head to say his prayers; Oh
that he has a wart upon his nose. am
afraid we should lapse into anarchy and
moral ruin. Perhaps the earth, up youl
way, will stop rolling around.


A young man the other day sent me d
story entitled "My Grandfather's We'd
ding" which begins in this way:


"Whenmy grandfather was first married,
you may be sure that l. young as was,
! had looked forward to the occasion will
| intense interest"


/ have not published the narrative yet
because it strikes me that there is q hitcf
in it somewhere; and | cannot find the
author to ask him to shed light upon it
For one thing, l want to ascertain just how
young he was when. that wedding occurred
have kind OF an indistinet idea that he
must have been n good deal of child
But even then I can't exactly make The
ences from the case. Where, for instance
was the authors father all this time ant
where-but perhaps we had better wal
until We hear FROM the author. | fee
somehow as if he has mission to write
] fiction-tiction Of the awful and deadl,
kind.


| If Preseason Tyndell drops in upon 20,
at the News Office, i wish you would asl
him why it is that when yawn everybody
near me feels an irresistible desire to yaw1
and will yawn in spite of everything. The
mystery in which this phenomenon Is en-,
veloped ought to be dispelled. ! venture
to say that nine people out Of ten wher
they read this paragraph will want tt
yawn.


The Election IN Dakota