Year: 1875

the Rocking Chair.


Ohio State Journal.


Old McStinger was going TO bed a little


Wavy the other night, and not wishing to


disturb Mrs. McStinger, who has a tongue


like rat-tail file, be thought it Just as well
not to turn on the gas. He got on very


well until be reached the door of the
chamber where his patient wife lay sleep


ing. Here he paused moment balancing


on his heels like pole on iuggler's nose.


Then lie made dash for it, in order to
make a bee-line across the floor.


Mrs. McStinger, with her usual exem-
plary fOrtitude, had placed the rocking
chair with such gifted skill that no man
could come into the room without running
over it; 50 the first thing he knew,
MeStinger stubbed his tOe-nail Off against
the rocker, which knocked the seat against
the crazy bone Of his knee, and made one
of the long arms prod him in the stomach.
simultaneously be fell over the chair cross
wise, and it kicked him behind his back
before he could get up from the floor, as he
stood on all fOurs. The engagement was
now fully opened. When a man begins
falling over rocking chairs in a dark room,
he ought always TO have three days IatiOns
and forty rounds.


Before McStinger could get up straight
his knee came down on one Of the long
rockers behind, and the back Of the chair
came down on his head with a whack that
laid him out flat on the floor, and before
he could move the chair kicked him three
times in the tendeTest part Of his ribs
with the sharp end Of the rocker. This |
made him perfectly furious, and he scram- |
bled up and made q blind rush at the |
chair, determined 10 blow up the enemy's |
works. He ran square against the back, |
and it rocked forward with him, turning |
a complete sOmersaUlt over the handles, |
throwing McStinger half way across tue |
room and landing on top Of him, digging |
into his abdomen like a bulls horns, as
he lay spread out on the under side. 1t |
would have been a good thing for Nc
Singer if he had lain still then and let /
the chair have its own way.


II Law fiat on its back, with the long /
points Of the rockers embracing his abdO- /
men, and didn't seem to want to do any
thing active Just then. But McStinger |
couldn't make up his mind to give it up
vet. He rolled over sideways and upset the |
chair. 1t fell with a crash on its side, |
giving him a furious dig in the liver, which /
LldAG LALA LAaA-4lE4A Jul LIS pA1AAAOAA-
cally, barking one shin from the instep 10 1
the knee on the rocker which hung in the /
air, aud getting the chair on its feet again, /
where it stoOdrOcking backward and forward
at him, like a wary old ram making feints /
Of bucking its adversary, in order TO throw
him of its guard. The blow in the side i
nearly finished McStingeT, and while lying
there rubbing his wind back again, he was
Just beginning to reflect whether his honor
required him to proceed any further in the
affair, when Mrs. McStinger suddenly be-
gan screaming all the names in tho crimes
act, under the impression that the Charley /
Ross abductOrs were trying 10 commit
burglary, bigamy, robbery, and everything
else on her.


UptO this time she had been speechless
with terror, and mad lain there trembling,
persplratiOn, and accumulating
power, until she had gained the
capacity of a camel-back engine.
She had Just reached her third SfOrzRdO
fOrtiSSimO GcccleTGndO, when Old McStin-
ger succeeded in getting to his feet once
more and became dimly visible 10 Mrs.
With one last wild parting
shrek she sprang from the bed and made
dash for the door, near which the rocking
chair stillstO menacing the whole universe
with butting motion. Mrs. McStiDger had
no time for investigation just then, and she
pitched into and over the rocking chair and
clear on down stairs, the chair after her,
turning over and over, and kicking Mrs.
every bump, until they both
landed in the hall below, where the chair
broke all to atoms. This ended the fight.


If wives will learn from this sad story /
not to leave rocking chairs standing around /
the middle Of the room for their poor hus-
bands to fall over, we shall not have writ
ten in vain.