Year: 1879




a church festival in Milwaukee


to raise funds for paying one Of


the many debts Of nature that


churches always owe. The fes-
Itival had been extensively adver-
tised. Everything had been az
ranged and the women Of the
church were in the basement


working like beavers. The crowd
began to arrive and then there
was a hustle. We do not mean
the kind of hustle you do, gem
tie reader. We mean business.
There was business going on.


A committee Of ladies were
engaged in splitting the oysters
before cooking, SO they would
go further, and another commit
tee was thinning the milk, so it
wouldn't give anybody the dys-
pepsia. Another committee was
freezing the ice-cream, the wo-
men looking on, while the men
turned the freezer. They had
been freezing the cream since 4
o'clock in the afternoon; and
here it was Z o'clock, and the
cream was as thin as a linen dus-
ter, and as free from frigidity as
when it came from the COW, or
the hen, as the case may be. The
deacons put in the salt and ice,
and the more they turned the
concern the warmer the ice
cream seemed to get. The dea-
cons perspired, and said words
that wouldn't sound well in his
tory. Time passed and the
cream would not freeze. Girl
walters were coming down stairs
with orders for ice-cream, and
the wild-eyed men would take
off the cover and look into the
churn and find it thinner than
before. A council Of war was
held in the basement, and the
matter was discussed but no one
could give any information that
would freeze the cream. Final
ly one old deacon who had been
turning the freezer for three or
four hours until every bone in
his body ached, and who sat on
the bottom step of the stairs
with coffee sack thrown over
his shoulder to keep him from
taking cold, and mopping the
perspiration from his brow, arose
and said that desperate diseases
require desperate remedies. He
said if that cream couldn't be NJ
duced to freeze, the church was
beat out Of at least $50. He
said that there was only one way.
Send for my wife!' said he, and
sank back weeping. The mans
wife was upstairs waiting on the
table, and sister rushed to her
and told her to come down stairs
at once, as her husband was in a
terrible state. The woman drop
ped a lot of soup plates, and
rushed down stairs, and found
her husband looking as though |
he had been playing a base ball
match.


"For Heavens sake, Hennery,
what's the matter?" said the dar-
ling wife, as she knelt at his feet,
and took his blistered hand in
her soft palm.


''Harriet," +" said he, as he put
his hand on her auburn hair to
get it warm, "hayen't | always |
been good husband to you?"


She admitted that he had as
far as she knew, though he had
a reprehensible habit Of going
down town of nights.


"Then,'' said he, II have one
favor to ask. We have been
trying for three hours TO freeze
that cussed ice-cream. If it
wasn't for the church | wouldn't
ask it, but Harriet something has
to be done. Now, if you will
take off your shoes and stock
ings and put your feet in that
ice-cream freezer, you can freeze
that cream in two minutes, and
we are savedp'


There was a noise as of a eau
Gus breaking up in a row, and a
wild eyed deacon might have
been seen gong around that
room in the basement trying to
dodge chairs, and plates, and
cups and saucers, and when he
got to the door and soup-fu-
reen took him on the head he
went out in the world and went
home in his shirt sleeves, and a
young man that sings in the choir
went home with the deacon's
wife later, and the ice-cream did
not freeze.


Extract from a young lady's
Ietter-"And do YOU know, Maud