Year: 1877

ranged on the subject of milk, and is a
very good inventiOn-sO is pretty milk
maid.


The COW is very docile and we call
cows kline. Thus you see the milk of
human kindness is a very good diet aud
has reference to the kindness ofthe kline:
though tbs anything but human-for who
ever heard of a human being kind.


They don't parse COW any more now,
because there is but one gender Of COW,
and that's commOn-amCng cows. but
you can parse pretty miIkmaid though,
for there is usually more than one gender
about them, sometimes there are so many
they are in each others way.


The COW is generally considered large
authority on theEsuhlect of milk. Robin
son CrusUe, Esq, speaks Of the goat as
fine mixer; but as he is the only person
who could ever stand the goat he only
needs 10 be mentioned and then with
very bad cold.


MIR Crusoe would not have admired
the goat if there had been anything
human about him. but there was not ami
from my personal acquaintance with HIN,
| THINK he could have tackled small
sized wagon load of asaf9tida, or even
funeral procession Of p0lecats with i'm
punity, though tis probable that polecats
would have grown monotonous even TO
that Crusoe fellow after q few broken
doses.


The cocoa is also mentioned as a fine
mixer, but is very much inferior to either
the COW or goat in judgment. One argu-
ment urged in favor of the cocoa by her
adherents is that she has no horns like
other animals famed for milk, and | think
there must be something IN that, for
remember an old cow Deacon Jones
farm that was so taken up with the sub
ject of milk that she never had time to
cultivate her hOrns--and she even cultlVa
ted her milking talent TO the exclusion of
her tail, and though she was large au-
thority on milk on horns and tail, III the
language of the poet she WASH t
worth d-n.


Cows are not very pious, though they
have bat few bad habits, the worst of
which is staying out at nights, but are
not to be blamed for that, for being sepa-
rated from their mothers when they were
only caigeS, they could not then learn that
being out at night was only good for
young folks. and that when they got old
they ought to 60 to bed early and give
nice young people a chance to enjoy them
selves.





much like young ladies chewing balsam
that 'tis not regarded as bad habit but
very lady-hke. So when young ladies
chew balsam they 10 il in such COW like
manner tbs not regarded as IA bad habit,
but very cOw-like.


Cows have always manifested very good
taste IN their manner of doing up their
back hair, but that old muIey COW of
Deacon Jones never took any pains with
her back hair and consequently she was
never called in consultation as 10 the
most stylish manner of doing up the hair.
That COW was always in for business.


The Southern Farmer, aud Harper $
Bazaar are RECOMMENDED as fashion maga-
zines for COWS.


Cows are not as good for riding on as
a steamboat though they are safer, they
never blow up.


Itis generally more convenient to ride on
"a donkey han on COW, but COW is bet
ter than "a bucking mule.


/ have sometimes thought there was a
wise dispensation of Providence in these
arrangements: for if Balaam had been
riding on a COW instead Of that dnmphool
ass he was riding, things would have
been altered little, for the COW would
never have stood there making faces at
the angel, and abusing him in an idiotIc
language just because the angel had been
out the night before, aud lost his way;
bat she would have given him a lift and
"histed home, in her peculiar way,
which though might have rutiied tine
angels linen a few would have gotten
him out of the way, and been very
good Tor nigh.


Poets have never made a big fuss over
the COW, like they have over the eulOgizcl
ass, because there is not such fellow
fT p q.
there Is between the poet aud the ass.


The only time / ever saw the COW in
poetry IS in thar good old revival song
sung at camp meetings, called Tobias
and Biaucus, the 9th verse is thus:
Now this old farmer MIXED an old red


COW,


And this old COW was fraii,


Tobias while he corued the COW


Biaucus held her tail. All sing


Cows are usually of a seiate turn OF
mind and more dignified than other folks.


never even knew a calf that would
play hockey and 90 fishing, and swimming
like they ought TO have done. All those
calves at school are too conscientious aud
the conscientious ones are all calves,
but they become asses before they are
half grown They are not calculated TO



when they die.


The diseases most fatal among cows ar
hollow horn and small pox.


Muley cows don have hollow horn any
more now but when they Do have il It's
very fatal


The best remedy for hollow horn is a
bore. The gimiet Is generally used, bat
there is no need Of a gimlet in this 5ouu-
try. | know of "bores in this town who
would cure hollow horn before they got
in sight if the COW just knew one OF
them was coming.


The best remedy for small pox among
cows. is to carry her in about four loads
TO the hospital.


The best feed for cows is - well, as
/ they don feed cows at all in this coun-
I try, It's no use to tell what is the best
+ but if you have COW and never saw heI
eat anything in your life, (Which IS nC
/ doubt the case you can try -- wei
/ say, give her a little corn.
! If a good old COW, that has been in the
/ family long time, dies don thInk Il;
showing proper respect to make sausage
meat with her. but she should have frs
class, three for quarter, funeral
/ small sized log chain is generally used
one end of which is very tenderly put
J around deceased neck, and the other end
/ can be manipulated by yoke OF oxen
/ If the weather Is warm and the COW has
/ been dead for nearly week, l think the
driver might whistle funeral march as
/ the procession wends it way 10 The near
est wilderness.


If any of my frien ds should ever make
the COW mad before she dies and the COW
makes show of fight, the best way IS t
set down and rest-after you have gottel
over the fence. Al IL l.


HICKMAN, KY.


Attention Farmers