Year: 1878

There is no law against opening a
.postal-csrd.


Jonah was.perhaps the worst taken.
in man that ever lived.


1t is easier to skin an eel alive by
commencing at the tail.


Ladies who do not wear their hats
On their left ear are out of fashion.


Although knife-rests are ths thing at
present, we prefer to dirty the table,
cloth.


Is the fact of n lady having new
shoes sent home to be fitted on. signiti-
cant OF larger feet.


Grant will be back in 1889. when it
is expected the freedom of the United
States will be rendered to him.


Kate Field has discovered that Grant
has better mouth for pork and beans
than he has ear for music.


Intellectual workmen have meat to
eat that tho world knows not of. That's
a pretty good definition Of bash.


Ben Butler is voyaging around in his
yacht, and he looks exactly like an old
salt as he leans over the rail to heave.


He who goeth it blind sitteth down
upon a pin. while the discovering man
scanneth the chair seat before he squat
tcth


The Japanese used to figure that two
and two made five, but they qait it
soon after the first Yankee got to trad
ing with them.


What canine breed and sex signifies
habit associated with the use of tobac-
coz He Spitz


Some girls eat beefsteak to get color
in their cheeks. while others eat pickles
to keep it out.


A Chicago clergyman says that "God
never intended that any man should
have 81 900, 900. but we do not propose
to give up a cent.


The Boston Globe pretends not to
know how Anna Dickinson rides a
horse. Well. horse can't talk, and we
haven't time to make diagram.


Miss CARTE Dean, living in Frisco,
has just fallen heir to $50, 900, left by
deceased aunt. and the boys think Just
as much of her as they did before.


If you want to corner a man Just
now, ask him what he thinks is the
most feasible plan for nominating can
didates. Two to one he will ask you
what you think.


No one can see fashionable lady
make wild dive for the bottom of her
dress without fearing for the moment
that she Is going to use her train TO
knock fly of her bonnet.


Mrs Van Cott says she wants to
worry Satan about ten years moro. aud
then she'll be ready to let up. She'll be
amazed at the rapidity with which hell
get OH his pins again.


The ". J.. Times says that tho idea of
teaching every girl t3 thump on piano
and every boy to be book keeper will
make potatoes worth "a per bushel in
twenty years from now.


They have got 50 now that they
blow up whales with torpedoes. and it
won't be long before the women will
get hold Of the invention and scatter
an Intoxicated husband all over the
ceiling.


The Rochester CArenicle mournfully
records the fact that female actor in
New York is paid SIS per week for
wearing tights and kicking as high IS
her head. No man with wooden leg
can appreciate such talent.


1t is said that the frauds in repairing
mail bags were Hrst discovered by
contractors boy appearing at school
with the scat of his trousers patched
with pieces of a mailbag from which
the rivets had not been extracted.


A Western paper, in an obituary no.
tice Of a subscribers son, says : He
was an uncommon smart boy. Had .
little too much curiosity. perhaps. or
he would not have peered - fatally
into the muzxle Of his fathers shot
gun"


A Missouri paper gives very pa
thetic account Of man who was "pur-
sued through seven States by remorse
and . guilty conscience" II omits to
state whether he was oyertaken or net.
Still the language is very fine.


When . mother cuts her sons hair
with such aesthetic precision and artistic
neatness that the hoy is ashamed Ia