Year: 1878

that II had better be done with hemp


rope. Mr.. Edison has invented too many
things, and almost with exception they
are things Of the most deleterious char
acter. He has been addicted to electrici-
| ty for many years, and it is not very long
ago that he became notorious for having
| discovered new force. though he has
since kept it carefully concealed, either
upon his person or elsewhere Recently


he invented the phonograph, machine


that catches the lightest whisper of con-


versation and stores it up, SO that at any
future time it can be brought out, to the


confusion of the original speaker. This


machine will eventually destroy all con.
| tidence between man and man, and
| render more dangerous than ever
woman's want OF confidence in wo-


man. No man can feel sure that wherev-


er he may be there is not concealed
phonograph remorselessly gathering up


his remarks and ready to reproduce them
at some future day. Who will be willing.


even in the bosom of his family, to ex-
press but most incocuOus and colorless
views and what woman when calling on
female friend, and waiting for the lat
ter to make her appearance in the draw
ing room. will dare to express her opn-
ion of the wretched taste displayed in the
furniture, or the hideous appearance of
the family photographs? In the days OF
persecution and espionage it was said,
though with poetical exaggeration, that
the walls had ears. Thanks to Mr.. Edi-


sons perverted ingenuity. this has not on
ly become literal truth, but every shelf,
| closet, or floor may now have its con-
| cealed Photographic ears. No voung


man will attempt to carry on a private con-


versaton with young lady, lest he should


be filling secret phonograph with evil
dence that, in a breach of promise suit,
would secure an immediate verdict against
him. and our very small-boys will fear to
express themselves with childish freedom,
lest the phonograph should report them
as having lightly used the name of "gosh,"
or as having threatened to ''bust the
snoot" of the long-suffering governess.


The phonograph was, at the time of its
invention, the most terrible example of
depraved ingenuity which the world had
seen; but Mr.. Edison has since reached
still more conspicuous peak of scientific


ntamy by inventng the aerophone-an
instrument far more devastating in its eff.
tects and fraught with the destruction of
human society.


The aeroE hone is apparently modifica-
tion of the phonograph. In fact, it is a
phonograph which converts whispers into
roars. If, for example, you mention,
within hearing of the aerophone, that YOU
regard Mr.. Hayes as the greatest and
best man that America has yet produced,
that atrocious instrument may overwhelm
you with shame by repeating your re-
mark in a tone that can be heard no less
than four miles. Mr.. Edison, with char.
acteristic effrontery, represents this as a
useful and beneficent invention. He saws
that an aerophone can be attached to
locomotive, and that with its aid the epgi-
neer can request persons to "lOok out for
the locomotive who are nearing a railway
crossing four miles distant from the train.
lie also boasts that he will attach an aero
phone to the gigantic statue of Liberty"
which France is to present to this country
provided we will raise money enough 10
pay for it, and that the statue will thus be
able to welcome incoming vessels in the
Lower Bay, and to warn them not to como
up to the city in case Mr. Stanley Mat
thews Is delivering an Grafton on the cur.
rencv, or Mr.. Cox is making a comic
speech at Tammany Hall. Were the aero
phone 70 be confined strictly to these uses
1t might prove comparatively unobjec-
tionahe instrument; but no man can
loose a whirlwind and guarantee that its
ravagcs shall be confined to Chicago, or
to some other place where 1t may do pos


tive good. "


This country has long suffered from ex-
cessive talk. Had nine tenths of our ci,i.
zens who have been born during the last
filtv years been absolutely dumb, the re-
public would doubtless have preserved It's
pristine purity. 1t is the interminable
talk of Congressman and other leading
citizens that is the source of all our pub
lie woes. That is likewise the bane of
private life.


With dumb wives there would be no need
OF divorce courts and with dumb husbands
home might become blessed reality in
stead OF poetic dream. And vet, know
ing full we'll that talk is a monster of such
hideous meaning that TO be hated needs
only To be constantly heard, Mr.. Edison
has devised an instrument by which the
range of conversation is extended from a
few feet to four miles.


Our present vocal powers are always
used to their full capacity. Everybody
talks with about the same volume of voice,
and when the aerophone comes into use,
people will universally talk as loudly as
INV VIZ VuCu uIuc-
ty-nipe people out OF a hundred couve erse
with the aerophone, there will be such a
roar of conversation that the hundredth
person, who may speak in his natural
voice. cannot be heard. We can only
family imagine the horrible results of the
general introduction of the aerophone.,
Wives residing in suburban Jersey viii
lagos will call to their husbands at their
places of business in the city, and require
information as to subjects of purely do
mestic interest. Mothers whose children
have wandered out of sight Will howl
over four-mi)e tract of country dirsfui.
threats as to the faying alive which Is
awaits James Henry and Ann Eliza unless
they instantly come home. From mora
ing till midnight our ears will be tortured
with the uproar of aerophonic talk. and
deaf men will be looked upon as the fa-
vored few to whom nature has made life
tolerable.


The result will be- the complete -disor. e
ganization of society. Men and women
will flee from civilization and seek in the
silence of the forest relief from the roar