Year: 1879

h Never lie in bed in the morning, unles:
you feel like getting up. Then, all author
tiles agree, you should remain between the
sheets.


Before eating, run around yeur block
until your legs are reduced to the elasticity
of rubber, and then have somebody carry
you to the druggists, where you should
90 through three course of indiscriminate
dosing.


By this time you Will be ready for break
fast.


Eat anything and everything you relig-
iously hate. Never indulge the palate in
its capriciousness.


The same as to the stomach. 1t can be
set down as an axiom. that whatever that
organ asks for is Just what it ought not to
have


After breakfast, as some hygeists pre-
scribe exercise while others insist on per-
feet quiet, it will be well for you to COM
bine in your practice the teachings of both
classes.


, Jump over the table II few score of
/ times; then lie upon the sofa for, say, fif-
teen minutes.
IL you experience any discomfort upon
arising, YOU should attribute it to an insult
ficiency of the first part of the programme.
/ Resume the table-jumping.
| Spend the remainder Of your time until
dinner visiting your friends and getting
their advice and prescriptions for the al
: deviation of your peculiar symptoms.
They all understand your case perfectly,
and will give their advice gratis.
Go to the druggists and make the pur-
chases necessary to a following of their
directions, taking thought, by the way, to
engage a drayman to fetch them home for
You.


At dinner the field for acquiring health
is illimitable.


First eat everything that "agrees with
Mrs. Smith; then pay proper attention to
whatever :" sets well y on the tender stOm-
ach Of the elderly maiden Brown; after
which take in turn the things recommended
by Mrs. JOhnSon's grandmother, Mr.. john
sons favOrite physician, and the Indian
doctor of the mediumistic Miss BlOggs.


Aud now pay strict attention TO the dray
mans load.


You will need no other exercise, if you
do justice to the pills and pOtiOns recon-
mended by your kind friends.


If you feel no improvement by supper
time, YOU have indubitable evidence that
You have either omitted something or par
taken too sparingly of one or several pre-
scriptiOns.


Max up your mind to make amends for
your shOrtcoming by purchasing a double
quantity On..the morrow, and also by extend
ing your researches among a wider circle of
your friends


The evening meal offers further OppOrtu-
mites for stOmachic experiments.


Tne proper study of mankind is man.
Never forget that.


After supper, until bedtime, pass your
time in reading or cOnversing about the
stomach and liver and upon like inspiriting
topics.


Never for a moment forget you have
stomach. You will have your reward.


Your stomach will never forget you. 1t
will ever remind you of its presence.


If you are sleepy, sit up; if not, go to
bed You thus bring your body under sub
lection, which is a great point gained.


On the question of open windows doc
tors disagree. Therefore, hire a domestic
to open and close yours through the night
1t is even better if YOU can contrive to do
this yourself. Ii gives You exercise not
otherwise cOnvenien, of attaining


In brief


Think only of your health.


Follow everybody advice.


Take all the medicine you can get.


And, if you are not untimely taken off,
YOU will live to be an enduring monumet of
the correctness of these brief directions,
and a pest to all who know you.