Year: 1879

husbands, and cats are almost as treach-
erous as men. I"


When Johnny was questioned as
to why his engagement with Miss Fl.
had been broken off, he rolled his eyes,
looked very much pained, and groaned:
''Ohl she turned out deceiver." But
he forgot to mention that he-was the
deceiver whom she had turned out. :.


-"What would you do if a girl
kissed you?" said one ten-year-old
urchin to another, as they discussed
the latest society news. "What would
l do? I'd kiss her back. What would
you do?" kiss her MOUTH


A minister approached mischiev-
Gus urchin about twelve years old, and
addressed him: my son, l believe the
devil has got hold Of you.'' II believe
he has, too,'' was the significant reply
of the urchin.


"A child asked, Mother, what is
an angel?' 'An angel? Well, an
angel is child that flies. 'iBut,
mother, why does papa always call
my governess an angel?'' "Wen,"
explained the mother, after a mo-
ment's pause, "she is going to fly i'm
mediately."


Not long since (says Peck's Suqa)
the following utterance of Col. Inger-
soil went the rounds Of the papers:
Col. Ingersoll says he keeps ga pocket
book in an open drawer, and my chill
dren go and help themselves to money
whenever they want it. They eat
when they want to. They may sleep
all day if they choose, and sit up all
night if they desire. l don't try to
coerce them. never punish; never
scold. They buy their own clothes,
and are masters of themselves. A
gentleman living on Marshall street
who has boy that is full as kitteny
as his father read the article, and
pOndered deeply. He knew that Col
Ingersoll was a success at raising
children i'll the way they should go,
and he thought he would try it. The
boy had caused him considerable an
noyance, and he made up his mind that
he had not treated the boy right; SO he
called the boy in from the street, where
he was putting soft soap on the lamp
post in order to see the lamplighter
climb it, and said to him: "My sonl l
have decided to adopt different course
with you. Heretofore / have been
careful about giving you money. / have
wanted to know where every cent went
to; and my supervision has no doubt
been annoying to you. Now, am GO
ing to leave my pocketbook IN the
bureau-drawer, with plenty of money
in it, and you are at liberty to use all
you want without asking me. I want
you to buy anything you desire-to
buy your own clothes to feel as though
the money was yours, and that you had
not got to account for it. Just make
yourself at home now, and try and
have good time" The boy looked at
the old gentleman, put his hand on his
head as though he had tgot 'em, surel''
and went out to see the lamplighter
climb that soft soap. The next day the
stern parent went out into the country
shooting, and returned on the mid
night train three days later. He opened
the door with night-key. A strange
yellow dog grabbed him by the elbow
of his pants, and shook him, he said,
''like the ager." The dog barked and
chewed until the son came down in
his night-shirt and called him off. He
told his father he had bought that dog
Of fireman for eleven dollars, and
that it was probably the best dog
bargain that had been made this sea-
son. He said the fireman told him he
could sell the dog for hundred dollars,
if he could find man who wanted that
kind of dog. The parent took off
what pants the dog had not removed
In the hall he stumbled over birch
canoe the boy had bought of an Indian
for nine dollars; and an army musket
with an iron ramrod fell down from
the corner. The boy had paid six dol
lars for that. He had also bought him
self an overcoat with sealskin collar
and cuffs, and a complete outfit of
calico shirts and silk stockings. In this
room the parent found the marble top
! of a soda-fountain, a Wheelbarrow,
shelf filled with all kinds of canned
meats. preserves, and crackers, and a
barrel of apples. A wall-tent and six
| pairs of blankets were rolled up ready
for camping out, and buckskin shirt
and pair of corduroy pants lay on
| the bed ready for putting on. Six fish
poles and basketful Of fish-lines were
ready for business, and an oyster-can
full of grub-worms for bait were
squirming on the washstand. The old
gentleman looked the layout over,
looked at his pocketbook in the bureau
drawer, as empty as contribution
box, and said: ''Y oung mani the times
have been too flush. We will now re-
turn to specie basis. When you want
money come to me and will give you
a nickel, and you will tell me what you
intend to buy with it, or II. warm youl
You hear mel'' And now that man
stands around from the effects of the
encounter with the yellow dog, and
asks every man where letter will
reach Col Inrarsnll He saws he will