Year: 1879

After man came Il woman.
And she has been after him ever
since.
She is a person of free extraction.
being made of mans rib.
| don't know why Adam wanted to
fool away his ribs in that way, but |
suppose he was not accountable for all
he did.
1t costs more to keep q woman than
three dogs and shot gun.


But she pays you back with interest,"
by giving you Il house full OF children
to keep you awake at night, and smear
molasses candy over your Sunday
coat.


Besides, q wife is very convenient
article to have around the house,


She is handy to swear at whenever
you cut yourself with Il razor, and don't
feel like blaming yourself


Woman is the superior being in Mas
sacFuSetts.


There are about 5000 more of her sex
than males in that state.


This ACc0uts for the terrified, huntel-
down expression Of the single man who
emlgrutc frnm the East.


y oman was not created perfect.


She had her 1aults-sucL as false hair,
false complexion, and SO on.


But she is great deal better than
her nelghbor, and she knows it.


Eve was a woman.


She must have been a model wife,
too for it cost Adam nothing to keen
her in clothes,


Still! don't think she was happy.


She cOuldn't t go to sewing circles and
air her information about everybody
she knew, nor excite the envy of other
ladies by wearing her new winter bon
net to church.


Neither could she hang over the back
fence and gossip witt, her near neigh
Dor.


Al ,hcsc blessed privileges were
denied her.


Poor Eve. she's dead now.


And the fashion she inaugurated is
dead now.


" snalk perhaps the ladies Of the pres
cnt day would dress as economically as
Eve did,


But the only place where her primitive
style is cmulated is in CERTAIN portions
OF Africa, where the women consider
themselves in full dress when they have
on but a postage stamp stuck in tie cen
ter Of their forehead.


What IL beautiful example in simpli-
city ot dress IS shown some OF the fol-
lowers of fashion hy that domestic ami
NAL, the cat, which rises in the morning,
washes its face with its right hand,
gives its tail three tremendous Jerks,
and is already dressed for ths day.


Woman is endowed with u tremcnd-
ous fund of knowledge, aud a tongue to
suit.


She has the capacity for learning
everything she was liviue!yslntended to
know, and a few extra items besides.


Young ladies take Il good deal of
stock i'll classlcs and learn fast.


When you see young lady student
from NasSar, with ;,n absorbed lock in
her eye and her lips moving, you un-
deIstand at once that she is me,m0rizing
Il passage from Virgil.


But perhaps a closer inspection will
reveal the fact that she is only chewing
gum.


\ woman may not be able to sharpen
a lead pencil, or hole an umbrella, but
she can pack more articles into a trunk
than a man can into Il OHehOrSe wagon.


The happieSt period OF woman's life
is when she is making her wedding gar
ments.


The saddest is when her husband
comes home late at his ght, and yells to
her from the front door steps to threw
out Il handful of keyhOles OF different
sizes.


There is some curiosity in feminine
nature.


For instance, | once knew young
lady who could easily pass another one
on the street without looking around to
see what she had On


Poor thing she was blind.


One of the worst habits woman can
get into is riding habit,


But it |. not mucil worse than the
modern walking dress, which ladies
persist III wearing on the streets.


when woman approaches the cross
ing she pauses for one t1eeting instant,
gives sudden kick that would ti1e the
envy OF Mexican mustang, and catches
her trainson the fly.


The average age Of woman is twenty
two.


She never lives to be very old.


Some of them look to be we'll advanc-
ed in years, but you should not judge
by appearances;


If you will take the trouble to ask a
woman how old she is, you will get at
the real facts of the mattA"
=, And discover that she is quite young,
She seldom passes her thirteenth birth
day.


About that time she begins to tear
out certain leaves in the family Bible.


Scientific men are trying to explain
why women can't throw stones with the
force and precision of the sterner sex.


This is glarinS nonsense.


Women may not be able to throw
stones with force and,precision, but they
can hit the mark every time with a
gridiron or a stick Of wood.


Experience has taught me that.


Women, as general thing, are hard
to manage. | know but one way to
keep a woman in check.
And that is for her toe dress in ging-