Year: 1878

tell it the first time he gets chance.

 A man recently knocked down an elephant, lion and rhinoceros. He was an auctioneer.

 Most of our misfortunes are more supportable than the comments of our friends upon them.

 An old adage says "the hardest op- eration of war is to stop it." The same is also true of dog fight.

 We have often wondered whether or not the iourneyman cigar-maker cab bages what cigars he smokes at home.

 A Harrisburg man, who has been married eleven years and has eleven chil- dren, invited his friends recently to his "grand annual bawl v

 A Western paper says that winter was designed to give the nose to under stand that it was not created solely for ornamental purposes.

 Out of one hundred and seventeen ladies in Michigan University, only four have taken to law How many have taken to lawyers is not stated.

 A disappointed young man says the leverage" shoemaker can frame more excuses in fifteen minutes than a picture dealer could supply frames for in two weeks

 Tho Supreme Court of Georgia has decided that, "f for man, without some innocent reason or excuse, to put his arm around the neck of another mans wife is an assault and battery"

 The discovery has been made that the world does not revolve with the same momentum it did @ thousand years ago, but it still swings around fast enough to satisfy the man with heavy note coming due.

 The human heart is like millstone ill a mill when you put wheat under 1t, it turns and grinds and bruises the wheat into flour if you put no wheat in, 1t still grinds on, but then it Is itself 1t grinds and slowly wears away.

 The best savings bank heard from lately is snow bank on Mount Wash- ington. Sergeant Gone, who was going down hill forty miles an hour, lost hls balance, and was deposited in the bank, his life was saved, but it took some tune to restore his circulation.

 =" What is a veranda p is now being discussed by foreign architects. A yer anda, gentlemen, is place where, with the right kind of companion, you'll find the moon shines brighter and the hours fly swifter than in any other spot on the earth's surface. Try it once.

 A picture of human agony-A bash full young man who climbs out of the upper berth in sleeping car, at what he supposes to be midnight, to get drink of water, and when he steps down in the aisle is mortified to see that it is about nine o'clock A. M. and everybody in the car is up and looking at him pleasantly.

 -" If England goes to war;" said an eloquent man in 0 Utica barber shop the other day, "our grain exports will be quadrupled-qu sir a golden stream of wealth will food our coffers, and" Here he glanced into an opposite mirror, and recognized the features of man to whom he had been owing $2.25 for eighteen months.

 A man that loves to be peevish and paramount. and to play the sovereign at every turn, does not blast the blessings of life, and swagger away his enioyments; and not to enlarge upon the folly, not to mention the injustice of such behavior, it is of little, unbenevolent temper. It is disease and discredit all over, and there is no more greatness in it, than in the | ~AAI--e- ~ z-~r-J. --r.--

 The other day two young ladles on the Nebraska frontier jokingly offered to trade themselves off to couple of h. dians for fifteen ponies each, and the h. dians very willingly took the offer. Find ing that the joke was taken earnestly by their Indian friends, the girls became somewhat alarmed. The red men were told that it was a joke, but they would have taken the girls by force had not they been iptimidated.

 Wisdom is fox who, after long hunt ing, at last costs you the pains to dig out. It is cheese which, by ,how much the richer, has the thicker, the homelier and the coarser coat, and whereof to judi cious palate the maggots are best It Is a sack posset, wherein the deeper you go you'll find it the sweeter Wisdom is hen whose cackling we must value and consider, because it is attended with an egg. But lastly it is nut which, un- less you choose with judgment, may cost you a tooth and pay you with nothing but worm.