Year: 1878

treasured up everything 1 had eve


given him, and how little care 1 too


of all his gifts to me.


Everything I attempted, everythin


| looked at reminded me of his good


ness to me and of my coldness and in


gratitude to him. at last l went t


bed, where, after working myself int
fever of anxiety lest he should no
have reached the end of his journe.
in safety, 1 at length cried myself t.
sleep.


The next morning l went down t.
breakfast with a heavy heart, for
knew l could not hear from him til
the next day; it seemed so strange t.
breakfast alone, and Nero appeared tt
think so, too, for he was most unhap
py, shifting round his masters chail
in the most melancholy manner.


My plate, for the first time since my
marriage. was empty as l sat down tc
breakfast, for my husband, who was
an early riser, always had little bou.
quet to greet me with every morning
frequently l forgot all about it, and
left 1t to be put into water by the SER
want; this morning I would have
treasured it most carefully if he had
gathered it.


After breakfast 1 determined to
rouse myself and go and visit some
of the poor people in the village, so l
filed my basket with some little deli
cacies for the sick and set out.
Wherever went it was the same
story, all held forth my husbands
goodness and kindness, for all had
been helped by him in some way or
other, and all loved and respected
him. AS listened with burning
cheeks I felt as if was the only per-
son on earth who had treated him
with cruel ingratitude, and 1 was the
very person whom he most loved and
chirished.


At last went home, tired and sick
at heart but there was no one to no.
tice was pale and worn out, no one
to get me wine or soup to revive me,
no one to make nae lie down and rest,
as he would have done had he been
there. Oh, how 1 missed him! What
a fool l had been! Was there ever
woman loved and cared for as 1 had
been? Was there ever friend go un-
grateful Oh! why had l ever let
him leave me? 1 was sure he would
never come back. Why had he gone
away?


And conscience answered. sYou
drove him; he gave you all he had to
give,and in return you gave him moth
ing but cold looks and unkind words ;
and so he left you to seek love and
sympathyfrom his mother


This thought almost maddened me.
In fancy saw her sitting in my place
by his side, loving and caressing him.
1 pictured her receiving tenderly the
little loving acts 1 had received so
coldiy, and I now WAS seized with a
jealous anger against her. mentally
accused her of estranging my husband
from me, and trying to win his love
from me, as though his heart was not
large enough for both of US.
When Maud arrived in the after
noon, I treated her to long TRADE of
abuse against mothers-in-law in gen.
eral, and my own in particular, and 1
vented all the anger I really felt
against myself on the innocent Mrs.
Cartwright.


why, Nelly said Maud, Il thought
you liked Mrs. Cartwright so much,
and thought her SO nice, that you even
wanted her to live with you, only
your husband, very properly, as nam
ma says, objected


$50 did, answered; but did
not know then she would ever entice
my husband away from me in this
way, or, of course, 1 should never
have liked her.


REALLY, Nell, you are very hard on
the poor woman for, as l understand,
Mr.. Cartwright went to her of his
own free will, because she was not
we'll, and he thought his company
would do her good said Maud.
'The truth is, Nelly, you are so
much in love with your husband that
you are jealous even of his mother ;
and you are making yourself misera-
BILE about nothing. Why, Mr.. Cart
wright will be back in fortnight, and
1 dare say you will get letter from
him every day so cheer up, and let US
go for drive said Maud.


Iagreed to this plan, and giving
Maud the reins lay back and thought
of her words. Was she right after all !?
Was 1 jealous? Was really, as Maud
said, in love with my husband ? Had 1
only found it now 1 was deprived of
his company? Was this the reason
that could do nothing but inwardly
reproach myself for my conduct to
him? Aud the longer I thought, the
more convinced 1 became that Maud
was right, that l was jealous and that
l was in love as she called it.


This knowledge did not make me
happier, for no sooner knew l loved
him than l loDged to tell him so, and
make up, as far as could, for all my
former cruelty, for could call my con-
duct by no milder word. I passed a
sleepless night, and as lay awake 1
composed various letters of confess
sion, which resolved to send the fol-
lowing day but W hen morning came,