Year: 1877

Two Members Of One Fa mily Must Not


Draw Pay from Uncle Sam. =.


Speaking OF the clerkesses, it is well to
say that our blessed paternal govern
ment does not encourage matrimony.
Al contraire, 1t does quietly impede and
discourage them tor 1t is one of the
rules, and ,as the constitution of the debat.
ing society expresses it, the regulations,
that if a clerk of department takes unto
himself clerkess as wife one or the other
will be Immediately removed, as two of
family may not draw pay in an humble
capacity from our blessed government.
This rule gave rise TO rather unpleasant
and somewhat amusing incident not
long since. There was clerk of sus-
ceptible heart hid away under some
what burly persona clerk known TO the
state of Ohio-wbo fell desperately in
love with little clerkess, who not only
toiled in the same department with him.
self, but messed and roomed in the same
clearinghouse. The clerk-the able
bodied clerk-made known his passion TO
the little blonde, and, to his delight,
found the tenderness reciprocated. They
were engaged, but alas could not marry,
as that would cause the dismissal of one
or the other, and this the poor pen
driving doves could not afford. Now.
one cannot go on sparkling forever, for, as
they sparked, their love grew more in.
tense. At last it was determined by the
two that they would circumvent old
Uncle Samuel-the mean, penurious,
unloving old scoundrel--by secret mar.
risge. To this end, amid the merry
hours of the Christmas and New Years
holiday, they stole away and were secret.
ly married in neighboring city. They
returned the same day, and, naturally
enough, the young wife fingered unknown
to the boarding-house in the reom of her
newly-made husband. Unfortunately the
other clerks of the mess were on a spree
that night, and as the lately-made hus-
band hac been on these occasions some-
what of leader and a very amusing
fellow, his absence was noted on. Well,
on to the small hours, when the liquor
told most, there was demand, b0is-
ferrous demand, made for the absentee.
They wanted his famous recitations of
"The Menagerie,"" You Shouldn't Eat
Tripe on a Friday" "The Gent Who
Saw Pleasure in his Own Room" The
Salt Sea Crab" and other punning songs
of like sort. A delegation sought his
room, and returning said II was locked
on the inside, and no pounding produced
any result, save orders to 20 away and
let the incumbent sleep in peace. A
cunning gentleman said that he could
not get into the rooms through a door
bolted and locked from tie outside of the
room of the comic but absent gentleman.
The entire crowd sought that door. II
was unbolted and unlocked then thrust
open, upsetting, in 70 doing, a washstand.
II was arranged that after gaining access
the gas should be lit, the bed pulled out
and war dance executed around the
poor helpless clerk. This was done-at
least it was in process of being done.
The gas was lit, the old couch pulled
out, and the wild dance began amid the
indignant protest Of the disturbed gentle
man, when one of the number discovered
the outline of another form in the bed,
and with intoxicating mischief pulled
down the clothes This was followed
first by screams, any one of which would
have made-Ohl Oh! Howard run ten
miles. After that came a general engage
ment, in which boejack was found to
be a most efficient and telling piece of
fixed ammunition in the hands OF stout
and angry clerk just married. OF course
there was nothing to do but gather in the
astouished and somewhat blood y headed
clerks in the adjoining room and exhibit
the documentary proofs Of matrimony.
Then the clerks, good fellows all, after
bathing their broken heads and washing
their bloody noses, swore never to reveal,
by word, sign, or writing, what they had
witnessed or what they knew. And they
kept their wsrd. / only was admitted