smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1867

1t is curious how many thousand things there
are which won't do to be done, upon this crazy
planet Of ours, whereon we eat, sleep and get
our dinners. For instance


1t won't do to plunge into lawsuit, relying
wholly on the justice of your cause, and not
equipped beforehand with a brimming purse.


1t won't do to twist mans nose, or tell him
he lies unless you are perfectly satisfied he has
not spunk enough to resent it by blowing your
brains out (if you have no brains,) cracking your
skull.


It won't do, when riding in railroad car to
talk of another man, whom you have not seen, as
being an 'all-fred scoundrcl,' until you are alb
solutely sure he is not sitting before you


1t won't do to crack jokes on old maids in the
presence of unmarried ladies, who have passed
the age of forty


1t won't do for man to bump his head against
stone post, unless he conscientiously believes
his head is the hardest.


1t won't do for chap to imagine girl is
Indifferent towards him because she studiously
avoids him in company.
1t won't do, when in hurry, to eat soup with
two-pronged fork, or to catch flies with fish
net.


1t won't do for man to fancy lady in love
with him because she treats him civilly and
politely on all occasions.
Year: 1867

There is now startling at the crack of the
whip of the member from Pennsylvania. His
power a party leader and whipper in is evil
IDENTIFY on the wane That Internal emanation of
his heart and brain, the con6scation BILL received
its temporary quietus in the House the 10th
instant. On the 18th of March last it was post
poned till the second Tuesday in December, when
it came up as the next business in order. Mr.
Chanler from New York, and Mr. Eldridge, from
Wisconsin, pitched into it rough-shod, and
handled it ungloved and with sleeves rolled up.
The former said it was time that the black rag of
confscation should he lowered, and in stead the
Union Jack run up-the deaths head and cross
bones so long used as bug-a boo against the
people of the South was an insult to that people
the white race must be rebabited in the full
power it inherited from the founders of the gov
eminent


Mr. Eldridge was equally emphatic and earnest
in denunciation of the enormity of the measure.
The idea of the author of the bill, that the lives
and property Of the people of the South were at
the disposal of the victorious Government, he
denounced as atrocious- robbery was the main
spring Of the bill. which belonged to the days of
savage cruelty-it violated the Constitution, was
bill of attainder and an et post facto law By
what right did Congress dispose Of life and lib
erty iii the South! The gentleman concluded
by appealing to the Republican party to restore
the Government and make good its pledges to
save the Union.


The bill was postponed till the 21st January
next. And it will then be postponed forever
Year: 1867

From the 81 Louis hepupuc&nsJ


In Justice Jeck's Office an amusing matrimo-
nial incident occurred The Justice received
notification that his services would be required
to unite in the bonds of wedlock two youthful
lovers. He consequently remained after busi-
ness hours; the gas was lighted, and all the pec-
essary preparations were made.


After waiting some time, young man, ac-
companied by veiled famale, was seen outside.
They appeared to hesitate somewhat about COM
ing in, and constable Berger, ever ready to fs-
cilitate such matters, stepped out and invited
them in. The lady still held back, and said
there were ''too many men in there" This OBJ
lection was removed by the Justice ordering
several deputies who were present to leave and
when they had gone, the young woman and her
companion entered.


A conversation took place with the Justice
when to the astonishment of her companion, it
appeared that the girl did not want to get mar
ried just yet She said that the man was Gin
liquor" and that she wanted to see her mother
first. Her lover expostulated and vowed that
he was sober as Judge, which was evidently
the case. The lady, however, finally declared
that she wouldn't be married that night, and
the parties left the Office. In about ten minutes
they returned-lady still reluctant, but overcome
by the moral suasion of her lover.


Inc justice put the usual questions, "nich
she answered Then came the question as to
her age. She declared she didn't know. Was
she eighteen asked the Justice. She couldn't
tell-would have to ask her mother This kind
of hesitation aroused the impatience of the JUS
tice, and he said he would not perform the cere-
mony: and the young people went away evidently
disconfted


Presently they returned the young woman
approached the Justice and whispered that she
had made mistake, that she was over thirty and
asked that the ceremony proceed. But it was
now the turn of the Justice to be obstinate, and
he refused to marry them at all. In vain the
woman entreated The Justice was inexorable.
She said if they were not married that night
they never would be, still the justice refused
and finally, the disconsolate lovers left the Office
to look for some one else to make them one flesh
according to law.
Year: 1867

1t is good sign when man is proud of his
work calling Yet nothing is more common
than to hear men finding fault constantly with
their particular business, and deeming them
selves unfortunate because fastened to it by the
necessity cf gaining livelihood In this spirit
men fret, and laboriously destroy all their COM
fort in the work; or they change their business,
and go on miserably, shifting from one thing TO
another, till the grave the poor-house gives
them fast grip. But, while occasionally man
fails in life because he is not in the place fitted
for his peculiar talent, it happens ten times Of
tener that failure results from neglect and even
contempt of an honest business. A man should
put his heart into everything that he does
There is not profession that has not its peculiar
cares and vexatons. No man will escape an
noyance by changing business. No mechanical
business is altogether agreeable. Commerce, in
its endless varieties is affected, like all other hu
man pursuits, with trials, unwelcome duties, and
spirit-tring necessities. 1t is the very wanton-
ness of folly for man to search out the frets and
burdens of his calling and give his mind every
day to a consideration of them. They belong to
human life. They are inevitable. Brooding,
then, only gives them strength. On the other
hand, man has power given to him to shed
beauty and pleasure upon the homeliest toll, if
he is wise. Let man adopt his business, and
identify it with his life, and cover 1t with pleas
ant associations for God has given us imagna-
ton, not alone to make some poets, but to enable
all men to beautify homely things. Heartvar-
nish will cover up innumerable evils and defects.
Look at the good things. Accept your lot as
man does piece of rugged ground, and begin
to get out the rocks and roots, to get out the SOIL


to enrich and plant it. There is something in
the most forbidding avocatien around which q
man may twine pleasant fancies, out of which he
may develop an honest pride.
Year: 1867

dred dollars for a years work; her
brother, for doing precisely the
same thing, will get eight hundred
or a thousand.


In New York city alone there
are thirty thousand women whose
labor averages from twelve to
fifteen hours day, and whose in
como does not exceed thirty-three
cents a day. Now, when it is
remembered that some Of these
women have families to support,
we can readily imagine how they
live, or, rather how they starve.
Why, at the present rate ofliving,
a single woman can scarcely main
tain herself under a dollar a day;
to what a condition, then, must
the women be reduced who has
half dozen little mouths to feed.
What is the consequence Of this?
Either the woman is ground down
to the earth by want and misery;
having scarcely the heart left to
even pray to her God for relief; OF
with despair, that the world calls
sin, forgets the teachings ola pious
mother, tramples on the instincts
of her own virtuous heart, and
plunging into guilt, lives by it.
Alas! that sin should pay so much
better than honest virtue. ~'


We wonder at the fearful tide Of
sin, swelling and surging up in our
large cities; and blame the Black
Crook, and Swinburne's poems,
and Griffith Gaunt, and the public
schools. and the war-indeod every
thing but the right cause. Let us
look deeper; cleave this matter
with the axe of investigation to
the very heart; this evil is not
on the surface-look beneath the
upper crust of daily life, and you
will find that this simple matter OF
woman's wages lies at the root Of
it. Thcologians may preach, and
moralists may sigh and suggest
remedies but you can never turn
the tide backuntil you do justice
to woman, and make her realize
that if she will work, she shall
live, not starve by it.-FalrfcId
Herald. ..... IS .: ...... =.
Year: 1867

be planted extensively, as means
Of paying off debts and bringing
money into the Souuh. But in
prosecuting this end, the means
Of sustaining life should not be
neglected.-Bread is more impor-
tant than money and in the pre-;
sent condition Of our country, it
becomes the duty of those who
cultivate the soil, to see to it that
there is enough bread produ ed to
supply the country. Alter this
duty is performed, let them, by
all means, raise as much cotton as
they can, to add to the capital and
resources Of the South.-But we
hope the temptation to make
money will not lead our planters
to the suicidal policy Of trusting
to other portions Of the country
for corn, at $1.20 in specie, with
cotton at 10 to Is cents.
Year: 1867

The political affairs ofthe coun-
try are in such q disturbed eondi-
ton, that the public mind at the
South scarcely knows which way
to turn its attention. Threatened
with military rule, commerce and
business of all kinds becomes de-
pressed, agriculture finds Difficult
ty in securing assistance necessary
to conduct successfully, and every
thing is at a stand still. This is a
state Of affairs greatly to be de-
plored, and it becomes the duty Of
The people to mitigate the evil as
far as lies IN their power. We do
not suppose that the military will
interfere with labor and trade, any
further than may be absolutely
necessary in enforcing their or
ders; but will rather give every
facility in their power to encour-
age them. At least, we hope SO.
With this expectation and this
hope, we advise our people to con-
tinue on in the even tenor Of their
way; not to allow their fears and
regrets to overcome them; but to
continue to work-and particular
Iy to cultivate the soil. Plant
grain and make as much to eat as
possible. If we cannot vote or
talk politics, let as, at least do. all
that we can to keep from starva-
ton. Perhaps, after all, something
may soon turn up for our good,
that will relieve. US from dan gers
which threaten us, and enable. us
to progress in Union, peace, and
harmony.-Aug. Press.
Year: 1867

The Milledgeville, (Ga.) Federal


Union, after stating that the ap-
peals of the press to planters, to
plant corn instead Of cotton, have
had the contrary effect, each man


thinking that his neighbors would
follow the advice and leave him q
chance to make money on cotton,
says


. From all that we can hear, there
will be much larger crop Of cot
ton and less corn planted this year
than last. Consequently we may


look out, if the season is good, for
a fall in the price Of cotton and a
rise in the prise Of corn. If such
a system offarming does not bring
distress and poverty, and ruin,
upon the country, all history and
experience is a cheat and a lie:
The attachment which, some men
feel towards cotton bales, is a
species of idolatry-they literally
worship them. But God in all
ages has punished idolatry ofevery
kind. Southern planters should
remember that by the time the
next cotton crop is picked out, in
in all probability, the country will
be swarming with military officers,
who will b.. governed by no law


but their own will. These. men


have great affection for cotton
bales, and will be quite likely to
appropriate a few of them to their
own use: They wilf have the
power and will not be long in find
ing an excuse: We would ask our
planters sincerely, if they would
Hike to raise cotton for ourmilitary
rulers ? They will not be likely to
seize upon provisions. They do
not wantus to starve. They are
sending provisions now to keep
US from starving. They want US to
| live to make cotton for them. Let
us be careful how we starve the
poor, impoverishs ourselves and
offend God, for the sake of raising
cotton to enrich military officers,


We recommend the above sensi-
bic remarks to the consideration
Of farmers, with this slight quail
ifcation. Cotton, being the most
paying crop of the South; should
Year: 1867

A Dutchman out west married
a second wife a week after the loss
of wife No. i. The Sabbath follow
ing the bride asked her lord to
take her riding, and was s'cut up
with the following response -
"You tink I ride out nit another
woman so soon after the,death of
mine frau ? No, No |"
Year: 1867

The Regular Army of the United
States is now SO large, in comparison
to what it was before the rebellion, and
the probabilities are SO strong, that
1t may be long time before itcau be
reduced In strength, that the War De-
partment seems to consider it to be
necessary to look forward fora solution
Year: 1867

1t was currently reported last evening
that during an interview between General
GRANT and the President, yesterday, some
pretty striking differences of opinion were
expressed in rather emphatic terms. It's
also said that General GRANT will retire in
a few days, and that General STEADMAN
will 90 into the War Office.
Year: 1867

PERRY DAVIS VEGETABLE PAIN KuLER-Derves
much of its popularity from the simplicity attending its
yse which gives it peculiar value in family. The
various diseases which may be reached by it and in
their incipient stages eradcated among those
which peculiarly fatal if suffered TO rum but the
aive magic of this preparation at dsarms them Of
their In all respects it ullls the condition of
a popular medicine.


The Biblical Recorder" in speaking of the Pain
Killer. says:


I'VE believe the public generally have great conf
dence in this medicine. The numerous testimonials
in its favor from well known clergyman and mission
aries are well calculated to convince any the most
skeptica If there be any of readers who still
doubt touching the magic powers of PERRY DAVIS PAIN
KILLER re leve pain, advise them 10 buy bot
tie and give it trial We never knew it to fail
Year: 1867

HOPE FOR THE AFFLIcrEp.-In another part of this
paper will be found the advertisement of the celebrated
Institute established by j. c. Young in 1860. In this
age of deceit and charlatanisnl boon to the su
ering to point to them where they sure of OBJ
taining the wished for and relief Under Of
the sklful doctor the sick and troubled divest
themselves Of their burden of shame, lay aside their
cross and health and happiness If You sick
or in trouble do hesitate-read the advertisement and
and follow the advice Do not forget the number or
the of directing your letter. Consultation Of
fee CSC Washington street, san Francisco.
Year: 1867

ElEcrIoS RgrURNs.-The election boards of the
various precincts of the county. will place this
office under obligations by Forwarding the result for
publication. BY SO doing shall be enabled 10
give the general result in the county. in the next
issue Will they have the kindness to take that
much extra labor upon themselves for the general
information of the publc
Year: 1867

The New York Times, which stands well


nigh alone among republican journals as
honest and independent enough to see and
criticise the glaring defects in Its own par
ty, speaks in no gentle tone of the shameless
recklessness and lack of craftsmanship which
the majority of the members of congress
display. How many of them, it asks, reflect
fairly the common sense and intelligence
which distinguish us as nation What is
the standard of an assembly the highest de-
partment of which is presided over by an
officer who goes about the country striving
to kindle the class antagonisms of the Old


World, to propagate the doctrine that labor
is an injustice and to pander to. the preju-
dices and ignorance of the most dangerous
classes in the community? Is such a man
fit to preside over the deliberations of an
assembly which we are apt to style the most
perfect law-making body ever devised? The
Times also asks whether the lower house is
a model, where each daily session is opened
with a tawdry stump speech addressed to the
Almighty, followed by wild declamations
from few uncrupulous men, who manage
to caiole or bully their colleagues into fol-
lowing at their heels. Mr. Shanks, of Indi-
ana, brought forward a resolution which en-
bodies the worst faults of our most public
men, endorsing the execution of Maximil.
ian as "eminently right and proper" which
he wanted the house to 60 out of its way to
approve. Mr.. Upton, in the senate, also
wanted "a premium offered for savage Indian
scaIps" This swhat eighteen centuries and
half of christian principles have produced
that in the freest government in the world
based ON the most exalted sentiments, men
fise to urge the readoption of the barbarous
codes which were becoming obsolete before
the time of Christ. 1t is for the people them
selves to consider these things, says the
Times. Dignity and decorum we are not
justified in looking to congress for. Men
do not gather figs from thistles. five send all
the turbulent, noisy, clustering demagogues
to congress upon whom we can lay our
hands, we can only'expeet them to say and
do things of which we shall often be very
much ashamed. And in this we heartily
agree with cur republican contemporary


The remedy is in the hands of the people,
and the sooner they assert their dignity and
common sense, the sooner will this reign OF
violence and ferocity cease to disgrace our
national congress- R#s sksR
Year: 1867

ra- In August last, little girl, liv-
ing near Oswego, left her home to pick
berries and never returned. On Thurs
day last five or six lads went out hunt
ing, and during the day come upon
spot whcr large number of snakes
were discovered and killed Near this
they discovered an opening containing
human skeleton, from which every
particle of flesh had been taken, leav-
ing the bones as white as ivory. There
can be no doubt these were the re-
mains of the missing child, who prob
ably being tired, seated herself near
this horrid den, and was attacked by
the reptiles in large numbers and kill
ed The discovery has shocked the
whole community.
Year: 1867

On Saturday evening the pastor was
called for, and at first he thought there
must be some colusion between the
girl and outside parties, but investiga-
tion proved that she was not only in
nocent, but was really suffering on
account of these strange visitations.
The minister, after satisfying himself
on this point, called IN another well
known clergyman, but the spirits
wero not to be overcome by prayer,
and Knocked the supplicants.


On Sunday morning the family took
the girl with them to church, where
the same noises were heard and her
name was again called, whereupon she
got up and left. These sounds and
voices were heard by all in her vicini
ty. They followed her along the street,
rapping and talking from the fences,
from the ground, from board-walks in
the street, and from places inaccessible
to human beings. During her absence
from the house the same phenomena
were observed. At class meeting on
the same Sunday the same voices and
noises were heard.


One of the hymns commenced about
as follows:


off you want to go to heaven,


You must be followers of the lord"


No sooner had this been sung than
the voice returned:


"You must be lovers of the Devil.
Or you can't go to hell when you die"


A pious old lady and gentleman took
her home with them to stay one night,
and Miss Owens slept with the lady,
while the gentleman kept watch at the
foot of the bed About midnight the
ominous sounds were again heard, Miss
Owens being sound asleep, but in a
few moments heavy crash at the head
of the bed awakened her This was
succeeded by sounds of sweet music,
which apparently came from the walls,
and to which all three listened in
amazement.


At one time, when the calls for
Becky were unusually strong, the
aunt said, You shall not have Becky
the voices returned We will have
Becky The aunt asked What do
you want with her?' The reply came
We want her to go with us to hell
1t is needless for us to recapitulate
all the incidents of this singular mat
ter. Hundreds of people visited Will
Transport to prove the truth of the
statements or rumors that were flying
abroad. Many efforts were also made
to detect imposture, but as yet the
mystery remains. Some assert that a
gang Of devil worshippers reside in
that city, while others say they are
only band Of spiritualists.


The effect on the girl was nearly to
dethrone her reason, and at one time
she was taken with a fit during which
many supposed her to be dead, and
tstraightened out her limbs and bound
up her jaws. However, she came to,
and last week accompanied hermother,
who had been sent for, to Wilkesbarre.
The mother believes her to be bewitch
ed. She has been offered enormous
sums to expose her daughter to the
view of the curious populace. but she
has refused.


We deeply sympathize with our
young friend, and sincerely trust this
mystery will be cleared up, and if she
has been made the victim of heartless
scoundrels that they may be properly
punished.
Year: 1867

A snake an "A w 0mAn7S ; Stomach


The wife of Mr. Parker, who recent
ly purchased an interest ia the Ana
mosa stone quarry, has been made cog


infant of the terrible truth that she
has within her stomach living snake
or lizard. For the past five years she
has suffered almost everything posi-
BILE for a human being, and was sup
posed to be gradually dying with con
sumption. Some two weeks since
German physician from Lisbon, Linn
| county, being in town, was requested
to make an examination into her case
and see if any remedy could oe devised
to relieve her intense sufferings.


The physician visited her and be-
came at once satisfied that there was
living animal within her stomach
On last Thursday the starvation pro-
cess was begun and continued for five
days, little or no nourishment being
taken During this time the animal
repeatedly moved upward and into the
throat, producing terrible and almost
fatal strangulation, and making it ne
cessary to administer salt to drive it
downward At such times the lower
part of the throat would be pressed
outward in a most perceptible manner.


On Monday last the attempt was


made to disIodge the loathsome crea-
ture by placing pan of heated milk


near the patients mouth and permit
| ting her to inhale the steam. A poul-
tice of onions and garlic was applied


to the stomach but, through misunder-
standing, the onions were cooked and


their strength thereby mostly destroy


ed. The experiment, however, was


tried, but the animal moved up only


short distance, u green slime being
emitted from the mouth.


| The patient is greatly Frustrated by
Year: 1867

abstinence and terrible suffering, but
another effort will soon be made to re-
lieve her, although it seems almost GER
tain that the animal, whatever it is,
has grown SO large as to make it's
egress through the throat impossible.
We understand that the patient believ-
ed her tormentor to be snake!


The case is attracting great interest,
and any new developments will be
carefully noted for the benefit of our
readers -4pamosa (Iowa) Eureka.