Year: 1879

An ,eat joke: 10 ask friend TO
dine with you at restaurant, and then
leave him to pay for his own dinner
[Chicago Tribune.


The San Antonio Express says Tex
arkana has butcher who can make
two hindquarters out of one fOrequarter
and neck of beef.


If speech is silver and silence golden,
then gable is greenbacks.-[ Dwight's
Journal of Music.


Philosophic angler: 1 didn't catch
any fish, but l drowned a good many
worms.


This is the time of year when the
sentimental youth names a rOw-bOat
after his girl and has it painted green.


The name of a New Hampshire
school teacher is May L. Cough. The
Alta California remarks that it is much
more commonsto hear school teachers
addressed as May Gwout.


The man who got hold of hot fire
iron Immediately began game of drop
poker Boston Post.


One of the problems which puzzles
musician is how to strike a bee fiat
without getting stung by its demisemi-
quaver.


The amount of pin money required
by the married women depends on
whether she uses diamond pins or roll
ing pins.


The Princess Louise caught a 26-
pound salmon the other day, all by her
self. "That's the sort of Lorne fisher
man she is," the Albany Journal says.


When two men pass each other in the
| str IS understood
the sign takes the place of conversa-
tion on hot weather, in which both
would agree that the present is the hot
test day of the seasOn.-lNew Orleans
PIcayune.


When a young farmers wife made
her first boys pants precisely as simple
before as behind, the farmer exclaimed:
Goodness, he won't know whether he
is going to school or coming home"


About this time of year city people
are getting terrible anxious about the
welfare of the country cousin. This
anxiety and solictude will grow as the
season advances, and when they can
bear it no longer, they will pack up
four children and two trunks and go
and see about it Middletown Tran
script.


Examining a candidate for the French
gendarmerie: Suppose you were go
ing along the road with two prisoners,
and one of them ran away, what would
you do 2" ''What would l do? Why,
I'd shoot the other one and pursue the
fugitive" He is at once admitted to
the force and assigned to the twenty
ninth ACCOMPLISHMENT.


A new comet is coming-sit down,
sit down what's the use of getting ex-
cited 1t is only visible from the sec
ond peak of Mount Aytchim bOguanda-
lahasta in central Asia, and only there
with three-story telescope, and then
it is only visible twenty minutes at
midnight, and not then unless the at
mOsphere is exactly right and when
it is visible it only looks like a star
about half the size of the little one in
jobs coffin. By all the starry worlds
that swing in space, when Eve" were a
boy the comets used to come around
every summer, with heads on them like
fire. balloons, and tails that stretched
from the big dipper to the southern
cross, and wagged back and forth Ikea
bewildered torchlight procession, and
came so close to the earth that they
put the moon out. Out on these single
|
that they get up for us in these degen-
crate modern days! We wouldn't walk
from here to Asia to see hundred of
'em.-BurlingtO Hawkeye.


The race is not always to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong, nor is it
the man with the largest mouth who
gets the most favors in this world. Yes
Jerday forenoon very quiet stranger
entered a real-estate office on GriswOld
street, and softly asked if he could use
a blotting-pad a moment. One was
handed him, and he sat down to table,
looked around, and said: "Ah thanks,
but have you pen and ink ?" They
we're furnished him; He tried the pen
on the pad, shook the ink around, and
spare sheet of paper 2" A sheet was
handed him. He wrote brief letter,
folded it up, and whispered: 81 shall
have to beg an envelope of YOU" An
| envelope was passed over, and, when
he had directed it, he looked all over
the table, under the table, up at the
ceiling, and inquired: "You couldn't
lend me stamp, could you 2" A three
center was handed out, and when it had
been licked on, the stranger rose and
started out, saying: GAS you have no
office-boy, l suppose 1 shall have to
take this letter to the office myself


Detroit Free Press.


Only little while, vain man, only
little while, and when you come home
from the Office at evening or noon, the
} wife of your bosom will meet you at
) the door with an anxious look in her
eye, and firebrush or apron in her
, hand. She will hold the door open lust
three inches for you to crawl yourself
| through, and as you make hopeless eff
. forts to sidle in through that space.
about your head and under your feet
and around your legs that fly brush
: will whirl and nestle like a restless me-
teor, and when you finally crowd in
and two flies follow you, the goddess of
your home will bang the door and weep
, and say she can go in and out of that
door fifty times day, and never pass a
fly inside, while you can't come into
the house without bringing millions of
them in with you. It is hard, poor
t man, we know it isn't fair on YOU, and
it isn't just, but it's got to come, and
l you might just as well make up vour
: mind to stand it-T TRurJinrton uo,rI.