Year: 1879

sleep, and if / don't open the door in the
morning they will be frightened"
| BY this time the crawling feeling had
mounted the back of my neck. [ conId
trace it as it moved; my limbs were be
| ginning to refuse to serve me; | was
obliged to totter TO the bed without put
ting ont my light, for though not the
least sleepy, | should have fallen had [
not helped myself by chairs and tables.
There I lay, eyes wide open, senses all
alive, quite ont of pain, bus no idea of
going to sleep. When the crawling
thing, whatever it was, reached the back
oflny head, it seemed to give n slight
blow to that part, and Immediately I lost
all power over my limbs. Still / retain
ed perfect consciousness. / heard the
movements going on in different parts OF
the house. saw the moon rise and peer
III at one OF the windows, and [ remem-
bered with a slight feeling of annoyance
that, about midnight, the light would
come in full upon my bed through an
other window, the curtain Of which | had
neglected to pull down. If I had seen
burglars breaking into the room could
not have moved nor spoken. I was not
troubled about this, however, nor indeed
much about anything else on earth. /
watched my symptoms with care and in
terest, and felt certain I was not going
to sleep, though what was coming next I
could not guess, The only feeling of
concern about anything that | remember
was a thought that arose in my mind like
this: ''what a horrible fuss Enie will
make when she finds me in this state. ]"
Evon this did not trouble me much. for
it really did not seem to be any business
Of mine.


By degrees, but SO slowly as to be
hardly noticeable, I lost all consciousness
OF ny eztremities. At first, though /
could not control them, I was quite
aware that [ had hands and feet, as a
man III perfect health knows it without
either touching them or feeling pleasure
or pain in them. Now [ seemed to lose
them, to go from them, or rather shrink
fr9m them, as from sensible contact with
a foreign body, more into myself. This
peculiar loss Of consciousness extended
very gradually up my limbs. Still l had
my senses; my eyes were open, I could
sec everything around me, I could hear
as. well as ever, my mind was clear and
perfectly tranquil. | was neither fright
ened nor agitated, nor anxious, nor, I
must confess, was l impressed with any
peculiar solemnity attaching to the occa-
sion. Perhaps this was owing to M
habitual matter-of-fact disposition. I
seemed to myself just as complete with
t,vse- sr,a5.-- arms and legs as when 7 had
them.


Little by little / lost my body, and with
equal Indifference. Whether my heart
ceased to beat and my lungs to breathe
at dis time, / cannot tell you, for / had
no means of knowing, but if they had |
did not seem to miss them. Soon l. was
gone up to my neck. Then, and not till
then, my senses began to grow dim
First, my sight, not rs by the closing of
my eyes, but objects disappeared, leaving
only the impression of light upon the
eye; then that, too, faded, and finally no
consciousness of the organ remained.
My hearing was still with me, or I with
it, whichever you prefer to say. Soon
it, too, left me. Head, face, body, SEN
ses, all seemed gone-everything except
feeling of weight in my tongue. and a
round spot in the back of my head where
| had previously felt the blow. Then
my tongue went, and the round spot was
all that was left, yet this seemed just as
absolutely and completely me as ever my
whole body had been.


This state continued apparently long
while, during which / remember won
dering what DIR. S. would say when he
saw me, hoping he would not meet with
any annoyance about his share Of the
transaction. AS to anxiety about world
ly or any other affairs, fear for the future,
memory instantanecusly flashed before
lne the events Of my whole life down to
the minutest particulars we are told
1t sometimes does-I had no such expert
eIce, and | admit cannot now eontem-
plate the state [ was then in with any
thing like the composure I felt at the
time, though distinctly thought of my
self: ''This certainly is the last" yet IT
was with something of relief at its being.
SO we'll over.


Even that consciousness of existence
went, and there was nothing in place of
it for | know not how long. The whole
affair, from the first injection of the NOR
phine to the complete loss of sensibility,
seemed to me at last some five or six
hours; but, of course, I cannot be sure
that [ am right, as I had nothing to
measure time by except my own sensa-
tions.


The next thing have any idea of was
the feeling of external warmth applied
to my cold body. This / felt all over
me at once. Then came terrible strug-
gle within me, but in which I seemed 10
have no wilt was probably the first





attempt of the involuntary organs to
commence their work again. 1t was very
distressing, and if / had known how to
get away from it / would have done so.
At last became aware of people moving
about me and of warm sunshine around
me. With terrific effort I opened my
eyes and saw where / was-out on the
yerandah, upon which nv own room