smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1867

A Question of Time. Asking an
others age.


When a pickpocket pulls at your
watch, tell him plainly that you have
no time to spare.


The young lady who has been tell
ing how she felt the first time her
lover kissed her, is requested to
state how she felt the first time she
was spanked.


Logical exercises for ladies. Jump
ing at conclusions.
The fastest thing going. A hunt
lng-watch.


WANTED--A fresh covering for the
bells that have pealed.


The WRETcH.-A correspondent
suggests that mum is used as
title for ladies On account of their
well known love of silence.


Troubles are like babies--they
grow bigger by nursing. But babies
are not, therefore, always troubles.


Why is an alarm of fire in the
night like clothes brush? Because
it spoils the nap.


A lady advertises: "a piano for
sale by lady about to cross the
Channel in an oak case with carved
legs.


In Turkey, whenever a storekeep-
er is convicted of telling lie, his
house is painted black, to remain so
for one month. IF there was such
law in force in this country what a
somber and gloomy appearance some
of our cities would present.


A young lady in Texas, who adj
vertises for husband, says she can
talk philosophy as well as rock the
cradle.


When does boy begin bird keep
ing? When he first sets up lh)
owl.


The man who had pair of pants
made to match the coat of his stom-
ach. has invented an instrument to
mt in the nose that makes sneeze
sound solemn in church.


What is the difference between q
diving Christian and condemned
murderer One dies with a hope,
the other with rope.


A country doctor, going on foot to
see a patient in neighboring village,
took gun to amuse himself on the
road. A peasant met him, and ask
ed him whittier he was going.


"To see patient" .y


"Are you afraid of missing nims
was the next inquiry.
Year: 1867

The Liberty (Miss.) Herald men,
tions:


On the Woodville road, about five
miles distant from this place, there
is, or was short time ago, a singu-
lar freak of nature in the vegetable
creation. This is nothing more nor
less than two trees, the one an oak
and the other a pine, growing from
the same trunk or parent STEM
From the ground up some four or
five feet to the fork, the body of the
tree is covered with alternate rows of
oak and pine bark, and then the pine
tree shoots up 10 distance of about
thirty feet, while the oak Is perhaps
ten feet shorter. Both of these trees
are sixteen or eighteen inches IN di
ameter at the point where they leave
the parent stem.
Year: 1867

DEMOCRATIC PoLIcY.-A conspic-
uous part of the policy of the Demo
cratic party is to insist that the
United States shall pay the South the
value of their emancipated slaves
which would about double the public
debt and correspondingly increase
taxation. The Democratic Consti-
tutional Convention OF Maryland has
already made the demand for the
Democracy of that State. 1t will
constitute one plank in the platform
that will be adopted next year at
the Copperhead National Convention
to nominate candidates for Presi
dent and Vice President.
Year: 1867

RELIEF FOR SALARIEp MEN.-When prices
rise laboring men are saved from ruinous con-
sequences by corresponding rise in wages;
but men whose income is derived from sal
airy feel the full weight Of the change. An in
come now docs not go half as far as it would
have done few years ago. An experiment
has been tried in London to obviate that diff
Guilty. Several gentlemen arranged with some
of the best tradesmen to obtain goods at twen-
ty-fveiper cent. less than the usual prices, upon
presentation of a ticket issued by the associa-
ton which they had formed. The tradesmen
could afford to do this in consideration of be-
ing insured large number of regular Gus
toners A few shillings paid for ticket by
the members produce fund sufficient to pay
for the services of an agent to attend to the
business Of the company. This is all the ex-
penditure required to carry the scheme into
effect.
Year: 1867

A prominent Democrat Of UoyncIls-
vile, New York. pledged himself before
the late election. to QUE Of the clergymen
there, that if the Democrats were defeated,
no would attend church every Sabbath
for two years. lie now declares lie will
stand the punishment like - man. The
Democratic party will lose bis vote. No
man can attend church every Sabbath Tor
two years and then vote the Democratic
ticket.
Year: 1867

An English clergyman, the Rev.
Brooke Hartford, said, in a recent ser
mon, alluding TO the advantages and
necessity for self-culture for women af-
ter marriage:


Let me especially urge the reading
of the newspapers as a distinct means
of self-culture upon women. 1t may
sound strange at FIRST, but l think it is
more important to women than to men
and for this reason: Men are pretty
sure to be kept up to the level of what
is passing in the world, whether they
read the paper or not but 1t is not so
with women. Men 60 out into the
world from day to day. They can
hardly help hearing what is going on.
If they do not getthe paper itself, they
gets glance at the contents bill as they
pass the news-shops, or they catch itup
from the passing conversation of the
day. But women, in their quiet house
hold life, may go on for weeks, hardly
hearing word of what is passing in the
great world outside, and the little they
do hear conveying no living meaning
to them. think this is great evil.
1t not only nAIroTs. the range OF wo-
mans life, but she loses great deal of
happiness which would come of intel
lectusl compsuionshipand community
of interest with men, with brother, 2
father, or a husband. You know, at
present, when women do get hold of a
newspaper, as is often the case. the last
thing they look at is that which has
most interest for them. Politics they
mostly vote as a nuisance, and the for
eign intelligence might almost as well
be printed in Greek want TO see
that altered. l would have every Wo-
man read the newspaper for herself,
not merely for an hours amusement,
but with the definite object of escaping
the natural danger of her quiet home
life, and keeping an open eye and un-
derstanding mind for the passing histo-
ry of nations, and the great interests
which sre striking the heart of the
world.
Year: 1867

LATE Late hours are IS hurt
full physically As morally. It Is from
the early hours of Sleep which are the
most sweet and refreshing, that the re,
accumnlsti0n Sf muscular energy and
bodily health takes place. e WeHas Of
that due excitsbiliiy of the brain in
dispensable to the exertion Of. our
working hours. In order that sleep
may be refreshing, it is necessary to
take sufficient exercise in the open air
during the day, TO eat a light tsnpper or
none at all, avoiding all tea or coffee
late in the evening, to sleep on hair
mattress, with light covering Of bed
clothes, in room freely ventilated.
Year: 1867

There is difference between happi-
ness and wisdom-he that thinks him
self the happiest man, really is so; bat
he that thinks himself the Wisest man
is most generally fond to be the biggest
fool"
Year: 1867

The NEW GAS LIGHT.-We paid brief
visit last evening to the Petroleo- Calcium
Gas Light Works in our city, and must say
that we were surprised to see the volume
and brilliancy of the light produced by
this peculiar process of manufacturing
gas. The apparatus used is exceedingly
simple, and can be very readily attached
to ordinary gas works. We were told that
the cost Of making Petroleo- Calcium gas
is very considerably less than by the old
process; while of its purity and increased
Illuminating power we had the best evil
dence in the world-that of ocular
demonstration.


We learned that quite number of
parties concerned in the manufacture OF
gas in several of the larger cities have
visited our city for the purpose OF ex.
amining this invention with the view Of
adopting it if found to possess all that is
claimed for it; and this far, all who have
witnessed its operation have expressed
themselves as satisfied Herewith and with
the light produced. Wheeling Intelligencer.
Year: 1867

Advice.


Correspondence OF the Richmond Dispatch.
MEHERRIN, March 20, 1867.
NY attention is drawn to an article in
yesterdays issue relative to the "negro
vote " of the South.


That Loyal Union Leagues exist in
many parts of the country is said to be
fact, and that every effort will be made
to concentrate the whole negro vote in op-
position to the johnson party no one will
for a. moment doubt, but the southern
Radicals cannot succeed except through
the blundering management and want OF
sagacity on the part of their opponents.


There are generally many difficulties in
the way Of the success OF any newly
organized party; and in view of the intel
ligence and influence possible to rally in
this instance, there can be no danger of
defeat from the negro party unless we
neglect our duty. That duty demands of
us, first, to accept the present situation as
unavoidable, and offer no useless CON-
plants and ratings against anybody.
Those who would yainly "kick againstthe
pricbs," and are ever ready TO advise
thunder and birthstone, it is time we had
cut the acquaintance of. we should at
least so far acquiesce in measures forced
on Us as to conline our tempcrs within
moderate bounds. 1t is presumed the
South affords now, as always heretofore,
ample talent to fill any position under the
Government, and gentlemen can be found
who would naturally secure the respect
and confidence Of the people. With such
men before the country as candidates,
| |.l 10 ;g,a ~ ha ynfa
in their favor in spite OF all outside
pressure.


The negro is willing to vote with us if we
wish it so, and we can, without any sacri-
fee, secure their aid now, and hold them
safely in any future emergency.


The preachers, teachers, and officers of
the Freedmen's Bureau in our section have
not used their influence, so far, to SOW dis
sension between the two races in the mat
ter of elections. But they have perfect
right to recommend and advise concen-
tration Of this vote in behalf Of any candi-
date that will represent its interest fairly.
We may unite with them and there can be
no objection to the negroes being fairly
represented. Everything is to be gained
by selecting those who are fully impressed
with the situation, and able to dispense
impartial legislation to the two races. The
negroes will readily unite in support of
these men for any office.


We shall have sooner or later to get rid Of
all squeamishness, and boldly face the mu-
sic. The negroes are going to vote whe-
ther we do or not, and somebody ought to
advise them, and will advise them, how to
vote, and it is time we were girding our
loins either to swim with the current or to
be carried down by it.


/ have no vote, but will attend the cleo
ton for curiosity, and would vote, if al
lowed, for the man calculated to do best
for every class, even though every negroi in
America voted for or against him.


Crpnrro
Year: 1867

WET WEATHER.-The amount Of rain
which has fallen in the last two months has
been almost unparalleled. There will be no
danger of the springs and wells giving out
during the ensuing summer and fall. We
had no idea of the extent of the incon-
veniences and delays which it has occa-
stoned to the farmers until informed by
one of them on yesterday that he had not
been able to get into his orchard to trim
it for two months.
Year: 1867

the outside is the raising of the front win
dows to corresponding height with the
door, and little more ornament to the
front gable. 1t is a very fine building, and
is an ornament to the city. We cOngratu-
late the court and the people Of the county
upon having 80 substantial building and
one so suitable for the purposes for which
IL was erected +.
Year: 1867

DRUNK AND DIsoRDERLY.-Two soldiers
started from camp yesterday for the cir
Gus, and on their way in gave way to the
temptation to take q drink Of "tangle-
foot" A little further on they took ano-
ther of "knock-me down." and another
and another, and it is very natural to sup
pose that Mr.. Forepaugh did not get the
dollar intended for him; for before these
gentlemen got half way to his tent they
were raising such fuss that it was found
necessary to put them in the calaboose.


The guard house and little extra duty
will make them repent of their misdeeds.
Year: 1867

RoBBERY.-The vegetable stand of Tur-
ner s. McCoul in the First Market was
broken into few nights since. There is a
private watchman in this portion of the
market-house, but his beat extending only
to the stall next this, his care did not cover
this particular one, and was of course not
under his protection. 1t seems singular
that such robbery could take place, just
at police headquarters, in an open shed,
and private watchman on the premises.
Year: 1867

Some of the thousands who lost fortunes
in the oil speculations of two or three years
ago, and still holding oil-producing prop
erty which the low price of oil has render
ed almost valueless for year past, may
take courage from a recent discovery likely
to widen the field of its consumption. 1t
is stated by Mr.. Payne that crude petrol
cum has been used for several weeks past
as fuel to generate steam for boilers and
engines at Dennis Run, Warren county,
Pa, in very primative but successful
manner. The 1sOd,ts operdntli Is as follows: |:
A barrel is filled with crude petroleum as
it7comes from the well, and set up on end,
to which is attached a half inch iron pipe,
running say 20 or 80 feet into the fireplace
or furnace, and perforated with small holes.
A very small pipe leads, from the dome
or crown of the boiler into the supply pipe,
conveying dry steam into it. The oil is
then turned on by n1eansYef a throttle
valve, as is also the supply of steam. and a
very small quantity allowed to run. a
light is then applied, and the gas from the
oil instantly takes fire. AS the worm in
the Fireplace becomes heated, the supply of
oil is increased just sufficiently to allow of
its instant combustion. 1t is said that the
whole of the apparatus necessary can be
furnished for the trit1iug expense of ten
dollars, and that with proper attention on
the part of the engineer in the supply of
oil, one barrel of forty-two gallons is suf-
ticient to run a ten-horse engine for
twenty-four hours. Mr.. Payne is conf
dent that no danger can arise from its
use. If this shall prove, as generator
of steam, as cheap and safe in use as
here stated, there is hope that the vast
amount of oil known to exist in the west
ern part of Pennsylvania may become the
source of wealth anticipated at the time of
its discovery. Its less bulky and more port
able character are considerations in
its favor, other things being equal, of
much moment. 1t may be we'll to say in
addition to the above that an experimental
trip has been made by the United States
gunbOat Palos, with no other change in her
machinery than few very simple devices
for burning petroleum, and with high de-
gree of success. The steam-generating
powers of her boilers were so greatly aug


mented as to get speed of fourteen knots
an hour out of the boat, instead of eight
knots with COAL Four barrels of oil were
found to do as much service as eight tons
of coal fuel. -- -.''7i'ea
Year: 1867

Fashion is travelling back in its steps
with the utmost expedition. The ladies'
dresses are getting shorter, and the latest
ball style revives the mode of fifty years
ago with all its brevity and scantness.-
This ball dress is very short in the waist;
the skirt, exactly as in the old style
known as the Josephine, descending from
just below the arm-pits in straight line
to the ankle, where it stops in time to re-
veal the foot in all its proportions, grace
full or otherwise. The skirt is scant, with
but little circumference, and is abundant
ly ornamented with braid, flowers or 9th
er trimming. AS these scant skirts are
to be in favor, / wonder whether the Gus
tom our grandmothers had of damping
their drapery SO that it would cling to
and reveal the form will also be practic-
ed by the modest bellies of 1867. 1t is
also said that those immense she'll combs
that we're so much in vogue forty years
ago, are to be revived and substituted
for the waterfall.
Year: 1867

-
The most important feature of to-day's
Congressional proceedings has been the
death of the Tariff bill in the House.
The protectionists struggled long and
faithfully to save their measure by art
fully working the intricate parliamentary
machinery to that end; but it was of no
use.i The bill was odious enough in the
first place, and the remaining two hun
dred SeBate amendments made it still
more. so. Simon Cameron and Horace
Greeley were on the floor of the House
participating in the little side caucuses
of the Republicans, and urging them up
to the work, but fate was, against them,
and Greeley giving thegmatter up in dis
gust, came up into the reporters.gallery,
and taking the World correspondent 5
seat, hurled anathemas over his desk and
on to the floor against the Western Re-
pubicans who voted against the bill. In
despair, the Chairman of the Ways and
Means proposed joint resolution to in
crease the present tariff 20 per cent, but
the House refused to consider it. The
few Western protectionists then appealed
that the wool interest might be saved but
the Eastern men turned around and said
they did not propose to be humbugged
by special legislation for special inter-
est, and voted the wool interest overheard.


THE LOAN CERTIFICATE BILL


is still on the Speakers table as it came
from the Senate. The House will doubt
less accept the bill for funding the matu-
ring compound interest notes rather than
fail by concurrence. with the Senate
to effect any legislation for that purpose.


Since sending previous dispatch, Che
House has taken action on the Loan Ger
tifcate bill as it came from the Senate,
and refused by twenty majority 10 accept
the same in lieu of the House PROPOSE
tion to substitute legal.tender notes. A
Committee Of Conference was ordered but
it is believed that the great difference be
tween the two Houses cannot be recon
ciled


s'IMPARTIAL SUFFRAGE" IN. OHIO. Z.
Mr.. LeBlond, Of Ohio, made palpable
hit in having read in the House to- day
the telegraph dispatch from Columbus
stating that the popular branch Of the
Radical Legislature of Ohio had refused
to strike the word 'whites' out of the
State Constitution. The Ohio Radical
members squirmed good deal, but none
Of them proposed to give Ohio Repub
lican form of government by act of Con
gress. ~
Year: 1867

Despite the urging Of the Radicals of
the Reserve and the Cincinnati CONNER.
cial; despite the fact that the Republican
members of Congress have committed the
Republican party in favor of negro suff-
rage; only thirty eighth Republican men,
bers of the Ohil Legislature could mus
ter courage on Tuesday afternoon to vote
in favor of the joint resolution amending
the constitution of the State so as to al
low negroes to vote. For the Whites in
the District of Columbia; for the Whites
in the South, and for the Whites in the
Territories, Negro Suffrage is just the
thing, and without it there is for them no
political salvation; but it is not the thing
for Ohio. After this exhibition of
cowardice on the part of Ohio Republi-
cans to exemplify their faith in the Negro
We hope we shall hear no more about the
Democrats being opposed to Negro Suff
rage on the score of the apprehension
that if the Negroes are allowed 30 vote,
TIE Negroes will rise superior to them


Did the Republican members in the Leg
isl&ure who voted against this PROPOSE
tion so vote because they were fearful the
Negroes would rise superior to them if
they should be elevated to the distin-
guished position of voters? The Repub-
licans, after this exhibition of want of
pluck, had better shut up shop and cal |
upon their Grand Army Of the Republic
to dispose Of their arms and ammunition,
and cease to talk about down trodden
humanity in the person of "the man and
a brother. Statesman, 9Th uh.
Year: 1867

A motion was made in the Michigan
Legislature, few days ago, TO instruct
the Judiciary Committee to report on the
expediency of submitting an amendment
TO a vote Of the people at the April elec-
ton, striking the word White frem the
Constitution. The motion was voted
down by vote Of So to %. There s
Republican consistency for you.
Year: 1867

How HE GAVE 1T TO HIM.-"In the
first place. said Pat, II hit him an in.
fernal wallop on the side of the head,
which missed him, then gave him an
other with t'othel hand in the same spot
precisely; and lastly | let my tut follow
fists, and be me soul, while I was doing
it, the ugly baste butted me clane across
the street into the canal Och, but for
that blow, how I would have whaled the
ugly devil
Year: 1867

A pretty little maiden had a pretty little
dream,
A pretty little wedding was its pretty little


theme;
A pretty little bachelor to win her favor tried,
And asked how she'd like to be his pretty


little bride.
With some pretty little bushes, and pretty


little sigh, D.
And some pretty little glanoes from the pret-


ty little eve,
With pretty little face behind pretty lit


tie fan,
She smiled on the proposals of this pretty
little man.
Some pretty little Stoves" and some pretty


little "dears,"
Some pretty little Smiles, and some pretty


little tears,
Some pretty little presents, and some pretty


Lit lie kisses,
Were the p retty little preludes to some prat-


ty little blissss.
This pretty little lady, and her pretty little


spark
Net the pretty little parson and his pretty
little clerk;
A pretty little wedding-ring united them for


life
A pretty little husband and a pretty little


wife.
Year: 1867

FoRcE OF HABT-Sir Walter Scott


says: "There was boy in my class at
school who stood always at the top; nor
could with all my efforts supplant him.
Day passed after day and still he kept his
place, do whatI would. At length OBJ


served that when question was asked
him, he always fumbled with his fingers
at particular button in the lower part
of his waistcoat. TO remove that button,
became expedient in my eye;
and in an evil moment, it was cut off,
Great was my anxiety to know the success
of my measure; and it succeeded only too
we'll. When the boy was again question
ed, his fingers sought again for the button
but it was not to be found. In his dis
tress he looked down for it; but it was to
be seen no more than to be felt. He
stood confounded, and took him down.
Year: 1867

USELESS. There is a divine out West
trying to persuade the girls to forego
marriage. He might as well try TO per-
suade ducks that they could find sub
stitute for water, rosebuds that there is
something better for their complexion
than sunshine. The only convert be has
made is single lady, aged sweet sixty
nina t