Year: 1875

a = SAk8OL AND 1AASAt OtSASBSS.-
/ am still married, and intend remain
ing so for some months TO come. But
marriage is fearful and risky business.
No one knows what may turn up on
either side. Temper and temperament
are such peculiar things. However,
|"All is quiet on the Potomac. The
|narriage service has never been fully
pritten ont. People who marry don't
know what they are promising. The
bond should read:


@You promise 20 take this man, or
this wo.aan, for hfe; You must not, af-
ter this walk or talk with any other wo-
man, il you are a man, or any other
man, if you are woman, save In the
most circumspect and guarded manner;
you must not become interested in any
other woman; if you are interested you
must not show it; you must consider
your wife or your husband as the in
comparable man or woman in the uni
verse; there must be none other like
unto him or her; if there be, OF you
think there he, you must, if possible,
not believe il, or try not to believe it;
you must now be wholly devoted to each
other; YOU must also now lay aside all
remembrances of your old flames; you
must get rid of the idea that you ever
had any regard for them; if you had,
you must try and make yourself believe
you had not; and, if such a notion will
stick to you, you must never mention
it to each other, or there will be row" :"


Young man and young woman! you
think that the divine into1ication of
courtship is to last forever! Youthink
its always going to be ecstatic pleasure
to trudge a mile through mud and rain
to buy Seraphine Ann paper of pins.
But this state of things can'tlast. It's
too high-pressure-it must cool down.
When you are married, and she is yours
and you are hers, and the novelty of the
affair is over, and you are fairly settled
down into .'old married folks" then
comes the test. Then, if YOU have been
a Grabbed old bachelor, full of little
whims, habits and peculiarities, as is
the fretful porcupine Of quilis, then will
come the tug or war. Don't you recol-
lect how, when single, and you cane
home, after some tedious business, heat
ed, tired, irritable, and disgusted with
the world, and got alone in your room,
that you used to fling books and black
ing brushes about, and swear and thrash
around for an hour or two before ron
S;mmerei down into corrara.ive calr,--
ness. Well, matrimony won't cure this
at least at first. But you mustn't
cut up SO now! Even temporary raw
ing maniac is not a proper or a pleas
ant person for a young woman to be
shut up alone with! And if, on enter
ing, she sees trouble on your face, and
asks you, What's the matter: 2" and
YOU reply, "Oh, nothing !'-because YOU
don't want to be spoken to, and above
all things, it annoys and irritates you
to be 80 iuterrogated-and still she per-
sists in asking. What's the matter 2"
and still You try to say. "Oh, nothing!"
as mildly AZ You can, only it won't be
said mildly, and it comes off your
tongue as a pistol-shot, and you would
Just then like to bite somebody's head
off-oh won't YOU at such time Won
der where the amiability, the oil, the
sugar, the honey, the sunshine of ofcourt-
ship, have all gone to? And how will
You feel-you who have been aecustom-
ed to go in and out of Your vile bache-
lor's den without inquiry or hindrance
how will you feel as YOU start to 90
out for the purpose of getting a drink
around the corner, to hear her say,
Where are you going z" and this a
dozen times day And every time it
is asked you must stand and rack Your
brains for a new lie. And those girls
on the opposite side of the street who
are always at the window, and with
whom, before marriage, you carried on
a sort of optical which to he
sure, went no further than the ewes
how do YOU feel now as YOU catch your
self still looking into those windows,
and find your wife regarding you in a
peculiar manner, and you know that she
knows that you know how she knows
all about your goings-on at those win.
dows?


But 1 have learned a great deal du-
ring nv short matrimonial career.
would not have remained single if only
for the sake of the information I've
gained. / know now, in the first place,
that ones wife is never in the least
wrong. II there's a row. it's you. all
you, and it's every bit your fault j., You
may labor by the hour trying to make
her own up that, there being one pound
avoidupois or sixteen ounces of blame
between you, you are willing to take
fifteen ounces of that blame, provided
she will but shoulder the remaining
ounce-and she won't, When SIZE saws
she will be only FIVE minutes getting
ready to 60 out, it means an hour; and
when she SAYS she's all ready, it means
fifteen minutes more for putting on the
final touches. She may never be con-
sidered really dressed until fairly out
of the house and round the corner; and
even then the chances are that she for
gotten her gloves or handkerchief ! IL
there was bedroom a mile long, and
her entire wardrobe conld be packed in
= baad- box, still you'd find portions
of that wardrobe scattered along the
whole mile of dressing room! She's q
nice thing to look at when put togeth-
er; but this wonderful creation is evolv-
ed from a chaos ofinterminable of pins,
ribbons, rags, powder, thread, brushes,
combs, and laces!


III there were seven thousand drawers
IN your room and you asked but for one
- be kept sacred and inviolate for your
private use, that particular one would
be full of hair pins, ribbons and soilsd