Year: 1874

more veXatious than the unwe come
attentions of disagrecable suitor.-
a woman 5 situated somewhat pccU-
liarly in this respect, she is Obliged 10
receive - visit Of the men however
unplca>.ug to her, and compelled in a
measure to treat them with civility,
if not with respect; for il her demean-
or towards them be reserved and dis
dainful, it is published tc the world,
and her reputation for good nature
becomes somewhat disparaged She
is consequently obliged to be COM
plaisant to those whom perhaps she


most heartily and supremely desniscs,


and finds it a difficult matter to rid


herself of such admirers. The men
on the contrary are exempt from this
evil, for they can visit 81 ch only as
as are agreeable to them. The sequel
of the following story, the truth of
which is well authenticated, furnishes
happy eXpedient Of getting rid Of
such suitorS as are alluded TO. In a
certain neighborhoOd lived young
damsel, the only child Of a wealthy
but plain farmer; our heroine, whom
we will call Peggy, was fine bounc-
ing blooming girl, but rather more
inclined to zen bon point" than the
fashion of the times sanctioned-but
Peggy was a girl of too much cool
sense to rcpine at ber questionable
rotundity of person, and unlike some
damsels of similar appearance, dis
dained to resort to such expedients as
are frequently adopted by the fair sex
to bring about diminution Of their
persons, such as smelling at vinegar
cruets, eating picked cucumbers, and
the like. Although our damsel could
not boast of much of that quality
which by the fashionable world is de-
nominated refinement, yet she posses
sed certain portion of shrewdness
and acutcncss which added no incon-
siderable eclat to her character among
the neighboring swains; as may Very
naturally be expected, she was sur
rounded by admirers. but as she was
somewhat suspicious that the admira-
tion did not proceed so much from the
size of her person as of her purse, she
was rather uRcOmeGtdbie. Among
her admirers was ore whose atIen-
tions were peculiarly offensive to her;
he was & .onceited, superficial, pesti-
lent little fellow, whose vocation was
that of itirerant tailor, going from one
farm house to another, with his goose
and lapboard, transforming the old
garments of the parents into new ones
for the children, etc His name was
Zehedee Stitch. Our knight of the
thi.uble, as many other knights before
him, became dissatiiied with his occu-
patton, and among many other plans
for ameliorating it, cast his eyes upon
the fine round person Of our heroine
"If l can only get h""" SAYS he to
himself, "and that fine Iarm of hers,
I'll convert my goose into plough
share, and my shears into a pruning
hook; and why Eot?' says he, "many
a man inferior to me, has gained the
affections of as likely girls as she-she
is but a woman, therefore to be
wooed." Possessed with The idea
that his goose waxed old, and his
thimble rusty, all his thoughts and
purposes We're bent to the attainment
of his designs. Her dislike to him
was unconquerable, and various were
the means made use of by her to get
rid of lis opportunities, but they
proved unavailing, for be was totally
inseusibic 20 hints however plain and
palpa''a; she would pin the dish
cloth to his tail. set tubs of dirty water
in his way, and cause him to tumble
into them, but he would always rise
with the most imperturable serenity,
laugh it off as good joke, and con-
slider it rather as an evidence of her
affection than of her hatred Among
the many unsuccessful efforts to shake
him off was the following: One even
ing she manifested longing for some
parched corn, and he to crafty her
in her desires, offered to go to the crib
and get her some; after he had start
ed for that purpose, she slipped out
after him, and when she saw him
fairly housed among the corn, closed
the door and made it secure against
his escape, leaving poor Zebedee to
"steep his senses in forgetfulness" in
the "smoky crib, and hushed with
buzzing night flies to his slumber."-
The next morning he was discovered
by some of the inmates of the house,
and hue and cry of a thief in the
corn crib was raised against him, but
they were sorely puzzled when they
discovered that he was imprisoned
in the very place that they mistook
for the scene Of his depreciation. The
joke however soon leaked out, and the
poor fellow sneaked off rather chagrin-
ed and disheartened, but in the course
of few days his love had increased
to so insurportable a degree that he
determined upon renewing the seige.
His return almost drove her to dcs-
pair, for all her manifes,ions of dis
like only seemed to make him the
more assiduous in his devoirs; like
the spaniel, the more you beat him,
the more be fawns upon you. y
stratagem entered her head one day
which she thought would have the
desired effect, and she resolved the
very first opportunity to put it into
execution. 1t was to be sure not
very agreeable thing, but desperate
diseases require desperate remedies.


Not long after, our hero having ar