Year: 1878

One evening after the children had
warmed grandfather's slippers and put
them on his feet, belated peddler came
along with a pateut five-barred gate to
sell. The servant told him that the
family were not only we'll supplied with
gates, but that every horse on the farm
had gait of its own. The peddler
msved on with a sigh.


The parable OF the peddler and the
five-barred gate said grandfather,
serves to show us the inferiority of the
present race of bipeds who infest the
earth to-day and call themselves men,
as compared with the rugged sons of
toll who lived in my generation.


Tell us about them, cried the child
rem, who had gathered about his knee.


That's what I'm trying to do amt.
it, said grandfather, and he glared
savagely over the group of upturned
faces. Grandfather iespises to be in
terrupted.


That peddler, if he shows no more
back bone and enterprise at other places
than he did here. will probably pack
his patent tiye-barred gate into eterni-
ty without taking an order. After l
graduated from college my parents
wanted me to be doctor or q lawyer.
They left the matter to me, however,
and chose patent squirt-can; cock
roach and bedbug poison combined.


To show the wide difference between
my vigorous style of pushing business
and this go easy manner of the latter
day patent five-barred gate gentry. l
will give you little insight into my
style. in the days when We were
young Maggie so to speak.


The combined squirt-can: cockroach
and bedbug poison, of which l was the
sole agent. was an excellent article for
the household. but it required pushing.
never allowed myself to be put off by
a servants ruse, as the man with the
five barred gate. | soon learned that
success depended upon getting into the
house and making a short but eloquent
speech on the merits of the article di-
rect to the family. In those days, as
now. servants were instructed TO admit
no peddlers. This did not trouble me
much. but itigave me some additional
work. As, for instance:


When a servant would come to open
the door in answer to my ring, your
grandfather was on the alert, as soon
as it was opened enough to admit my
arm, your grandfather would reach in,
seize the servant by the throat, and
drag her upon the stoop There i
would explain matters To the gentle
gazelle. l would tell her was an
officer of the government, armed to the
teeth. In accordance with an act Of
Congress / was introducing patent
sau;rt-can, cockrosch and bedbug pois-
on combined | would tell her had
not dragged her out of doors and chok-
ed her until she was black IN the face
because loved to do such things. My
disposition is as sweet as the sucking
doves. Any body in the employ Of the
government could tell her that. / was
only obeying instructions from head
quarters. Government appreciated the
necessity of keeping cockroaches and
bedbugs in state of sublection. As
its agent I am instructed To enter
every house in this broad land peacably
if possible. forclbly if necessary, and
sell the inmates the wonderful squirt
can. etc. at the rate of so cents can.
or three cans for 81. with printed
directions on every label. Then |
would assume q fierce aspect and bid
her HE around 10 the back yard and
stay until | consummsted my trade. As
she shot around the corner my parting
words were, And bark We. Ii You make
an outcry or sound any alarm of dis
tress. III seek you out and shoot yon
so full of holes that therc'll be forty
men here befnre morning to buy your
hide for fish-uet.' Then he
would enter the house tell the folks
that the servant has been kind euough
10 show him in, salute them right aud
aud left aud make my pretty little
speech. This Was always delivered
with such fine effect, together with a
practical application of the wonderful
contents of the can whenever a cock
roach or bedbug showed his head. ihtt
/ only failed TO sell my preparation to
those families who intended moving in
the spring. and cleared 81 100000 in
year


Here grandfather's head fell forward