Year: 1878

English sparrows make good pot pie.
So does an American housewife
Independent young ladies are now eat.
ing onions in place of watermelons.
The Chinese sink lower and lower
every day One in Truckee has become
a lawyer


There's the whole thing in a nut
she'll the boy said when he bit
through "A worm in the chestnut
We have just discovered that paupers
should never use tobacco, because beg,
gars should never be chew, sIrs'


What this country wants IS not so
much fiat.paper currency IA it is a linen
collar that will not come unbuttoned be-
bind


So many murderers about to be hanged


hope to meet US all in heaven" that we
have about concluded to start for the
other place.


Where do we find the earliest men ton
of free admission to the theatre; when
Joseph was let into the pit by his breth.
rem for nothing


What fun is there in pairing bees2 Our
imp tried to pare one the other day, but
he got hold of its business end 6rst. He
says there's no fun in it,
Said a member of church to another,
81 can give five dollars for this object and
not feel it" Then" said his compan-
ion, give ten and feel it,"
The American exhibitors at the Paris
on hAao,., L
dered in CONSEQUENCE of the many pre-
mum medals they are carrying around.
The lecture season will soon begin I'M
der good auspices. We hear that private
(domestic) ones begun some time ago
ever since wives returned to town and
husbands


1t is getting 30 now a days that a man
hardly dares to start to read q small item
in newspaper for fear of running his
nose into some kind of a patent cough
syrup


A Danbury man who lectured recently
in an adjoining town, said that many
persons failed to get into the hall It
subsequently transpired that they made
no attempt to.


A fellow who should get tired of sitting
on boulder wouldn't make the stone an
easier seat by elevating it upon a chair
And yet it would then be rock in chair,
for a fact.


The walking mania is spreading. A
tramp stepped into restaurant the other
day and while the lady attendant was
looking the other way he walked off
with q pie.


The cider mills are working in full
force so it is just as well the LIQUOR H.
cense WIS repealed Otherwise the State
would he flooded next spring with vine.
gar, and many valuable lives be lost.


Z.itungsnachrichtenn II gkritser6nder
Is the title Of ncwspap.r rsporter in the
German language; and il be can't finder
with all that name, be 90 Int TO 90 off
somewhere aud kick himself to death.


The ind"finable joy which fills a young
mans bosom when he carvts his first
'owl, is more than couuterbalsnced by
the modification which ensues when he
lnvoluntarily pulls it over into his lap.


Mrs Quincess says she wants her John
never to be an alderman, because every
onoA in a while she reads OF the alder
mans eyes and nose bein' taken, and
what's such man good for afterwards
anyhow


We have thought of plan to get ahead
of the strawberry dealers. Next season
we shall empty the boxes, turn them up
side down and have them refilled while
in that position, and thus get honest
measure.


When a beggar asks aid. saying
there isn't q potato in the house." it
don't follow that there is any danger of
starvation there. He might have on
hand half dozen barrels of -four, and
not be able to own potato.


Here, now. some of you fellows how
long is it since Williams, of the Fulton
(N. Times, was married? 1t seems
to us but a short time ago, and yet he
has begun to make remarks about ginger
snap crumbs being distributed in the
bed.


Bridgeport cat was in the cellar of
its home and seeing crab went up to
examine it. A moment later the cat was
helping the crab up stairs at the rate of a
mile minute To crab such a rate of
speed must have appeared extremely
unique.


A fiend rushed in here yesterday and
wildly brandishing his bat over his head,
cried out: Wretch, what part of har-
ness does a bachelor resemble2" We
seized club, and just as the maniac
jumped through an open window he
hissed, 'sir single


America may grow, enlarge and expand
until its emblematic bird is able to perch
itself on the highest point reached by
the most sublime Imagination, but her
sons will never be weaned from the habit
of splitting on their bait, if they expect
to catch any fish.


Are fat people healthyT' is headline
that stares US in the face in every other
exchange we pick up. Who cares wheth-
ar they are healthy or not2 As long as
We are not cannibals, it would be well to
investigate whether beans are healthy.


She was trifle near sighted, and that
was why she happened to mistrke St
Paul mans nose tor q gorgeous autumn
leaf. The st Paul man IL pondering the
question. Autumn man to drunk 2-T TSull.
water Lumbt rman Aud W. are wonder
ing that you have foslly become the
father of a pun


Visitors from the county. al The door
IF city residence, to German next
door Jane not at hunl. a d YOU say r
Mem, Chnne's nod at b"nie Where
IS she Shes gone the cemetery
d"~n Nv hen will shr come back p
On, she wont come back already any
hhp's uona m sh..'S dot ~