Year: 1877

Speaking OF the clerkesses, it is well to
say that our blessed paternal govern
ment does not encourage matrimony
An contraire, it does quietly impede and
discourage them; tor it is one of the
rules, ,and, las the constitution Of the debat-
ing society expresses it, the regulations,
that if a clerk OF department takes unto
himself a cIerkess as wife one or the other
will be immediatel y removed, as two OF
a family may not draw pay in an humble
capacity from our blessed government.
This rule gave rise to rather unpleasant
and somewhat amusing incident not
long since. There was clerk OF a slIs-
ceptibe heart hid away under some
what burly persona clerk known to the
state of Ohio-who fell desperately in
love with little clerkess, who not only
toiled in the same department with him.
self, but messed and roomed in the same
boarding-house. The clerk-the able.


bodied clerk-made known his passion to


the little blonde, and, to his delight,


found the tenderness reciprOcated. They


were engaged, but alas , could not marry


as that would cause the dismissal of one


or the other, and this the poor pen
driving doves could not afford. Now,
one cannot go on sparkling forever, for, as
they spanked, their love grew more in


tense. At last it was determined by the


two that they would circumvent old


Uncle Samuel--the mean, pcnurious,


unloving old scoundrel--by secret mar
riage. To this end, amid the merry
hours of the Christmas and New Years
holiday, they stole away and were secret.
Iy married in neighboring city. They
returned the same day, and, naturally
enough, the young wife fingered unknown
to the clearinghouse in the room of her
newly-made husband. Unfortunately the
other clerks of the mess were on a spree
that night, and as the Iatcly-made hus-
band haG been on these occasions some
what of leader and very amusing
fellow, his absence was noted on. Well,
on to the small hours, when the liquor
told most, there was demand bois-
ferrous demand, made for the absentee.


They wanted his famous recitatiOns of
"The Menagerie," ]" " You Shouldn't Eat
Tripe on a Friday" "The Gent Who
Saw Pleasure in his Own Room " The
Salt Sea Crab" and other punning songs
of a like sort. A delegation sought his
room, and returning said it was locked
on the inside, and no pounding produced
any result, save orders to go away and


let the incumbent sleep in peace. A
cunning gentleman said that he could
not get into the rooms through a door
bOlted and locked from TIE outside of the
room of the comic but absent gentleman.
The entire crowd sought that door. 1t
was unbolted and unlocked then thrust
open, upsetting, in so doing, a washstand.
1t was arranged that after gaining access
the gas should be lit, the bed pulled out
and a war dance executed around the
poor helpless clerk. This was dOne-at
least it was in process of being done.
The gas was lit, the old couch pulled
out, and the wild dance began amid the
indignant protest of the disturbed gentle.
man, when one of the number discovered
the outline of another form in the bed


and with Intoxicating mischief pulled
down the clothes. This was followed
first by screams, any one of which would
have made-Oh Oh Howard run ten
miles. After that came general engage


ment in which boeuack was found Ia
be most efficient and telling piece oi
fixed ammunition in the hands OF stout
and angry clerk just married. Of course
there was nothing to do but gather in the
astonished and somewhat bloody.headed
clerks in the adjoining room and exhibit
the documentary proofs of matrimony


Then the clerks good fellows all, after
bathing their broken heads and washing
their bloody noses, swore never to reveal


by word, sign, or writing, what they hac
witnessed or what they knew. And they
kept their word. only was admitted