Year: 1878




you are certain that you can lick him;
for, as general rule, when you say that
it means fight. ! have arrived ut this
conclusion through sad experience. |
know that it is not safe to give the lie to
muscular Christian. did once. | am
sorry for it now; as I never grieyed for
anything else in the whole course of my
life.


We were standing on the sidewalk in
front of the club, when made the state.
ment, talking polotics; and men who
talk politics, and get angry over it, are,
to put it mildly, lunatics or else want an
office. This man made an assertion,
touching the fair. fame of my favorite
candidate which l believe to be untrue.
1t is probable that if it had been as true
as it was false, | should have taken the
same course, because you understand
man has no sense who talks politics any
how. think said that before, but it is
all the same. want to make it strong,
and get you to understand how got my
ornamental eye.


mildly suggested that man who
would make such statement as that was
lost to all sense of shame and would be
guilty of any base crime.


He disagreed with me on that point.
except upon the most ample proof. My
candidate was the meanest man unhung.


| told him he lied. l have been
kicked by mule; have fallen out of
second story window on a hard pavement;
eaten green persimmons; heard Miss
Blow read poetry for two hours and a
half; skated; hunted rode sharp backed
horse Of mustang parentage, an adept in
the art of "bucking," suffered griefs of
various kinds, and still clung to life; but
all these are feathers in the balance as
compared with that little word liar.


Immediately after saying it, sat down
not in the way people usually sit down.
| sat on the rim of my right ear, about
ten feet from the spot where | had been
standing when made use of the express
sion quoted above. am not used to sit
ting in that position and do not think it
agrees with me.


l have heard of people who "got up on
their ear" and walked off. I wish knew
how to do it, and would have propelled
myself away from that spot Immediately
if had possessed this happy faculty.
proceeded to bring myself to perpen-
dicular fully intending to use the means
Of locomotion which nature had given
me; but when l came right side up, some
thing heavy ran up against my nose, and
as felt rather tired, l sat down on my
other ear. l like change-it is too
monotonous doing the same thing over
and over again.


Somebody took my large friend away,
and was quite pleased when he was
gone. l have concluded to look twice at
a man before give the lie again. My
eye is in mourning, my nose swelled to
the size of citron with the color of a
blush rose, and my store clothes look as
if they had been run through patent
sausage machine. would not have that
mans temper for anything ia the world.
THEY are telling pleasant story in
England, just now, about meeting be.
tween the Chinese minister to that coun-
try, who is himself poet, and Mr. Rob
ert Browning. During the interview
Mr.. Browning asked, "What kind of po-
etry docs his excellency write-pastoral,
humorous, epic, or what9" There was a
pause for short time. At length the in
terpreter said that his excelency thought
the poetry would be better described as
"enigmatic." Surely" replied Mr..
Browning, ";here ought, then, to be the
deepest sympathy between us, for that is
lust the criticism which is brought
against my own work and I believe it to
be a Just one" Thisreminds us of the story
told of Douglass Jerrold's first reading of
Browning's poem of Sordello. He was
alone in the house at the time, having
been some time confined by illness. Be-
ing unable to make head or tail of that
extraordinary production he began to
fear that his illness had affected his in.
'electual powers. The appalling thought
seized him that he was losing his mind.
Waiting with great anxiety for the return
of some member of his family, he thrust
the book into the hands of the first who
entered and asked him to read "that pas.
sage" What do you make Of it2"
"Why," replied the puzzled reader, sit is
nonsense" "Thank Cod" said Jerrold