smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1867

READ THE ADvERTIsEMEXTs.-We
find the following very sensible
paragraph in the MT. GalSadSea
aek: There is truth in every word
oft; and it is applicablet to the lat
itude and longitude of any merl-
dian: "The man who does not read
the advertisements in his home pa
per, can never indicate not' only
the business enterprise of the place
in which they are published, but the
enterprise of the advertiser. When
you see a man who advertises liber-
ally, you may be certain of finding
a good stock in his store, that he
keeps up with the market, and sells
cheaper then those who do not adj
vertise. If you want good bargains
always patronlze those who avail
themselves of the advantages at
forded though the advertising col
umns of their home paper" 2J
Year: 1867

by his servant, desired the coffin to
be brought into the house.


"But where shall we put ita" said
Mrs. X. D


"Under the bed,n said Mr.. X.


To this Mrs. X. decidedly object
ed, Soon all the servants came
and began to insinuate symptoms
of giving warning. They could not
think of abiding In the house with
coffin. Mr.. X. then ordered it 10
be taken to his chambers in the
Temple, On one of his fiends ask
ing him what he had done with his
coffin, he admitted that he had put
a whole set of voluminous law re-
ports into it. The said candidate
is likely to hear more of this when
he goes among his newly-formed
acquaintances in the borough.


Here is a story of an election for
the North German Parliament:


In small place in the district
of Coblenz, the mayor sent round
the public crier to proclaim, with
the assistance of his bell, the tol-
lowing extraordinary communica-
ton: 1905 81


"With the bell be it herewith
proclaimed that on the 18th there
is an election for Parliament, and
Mr.. Stumn is going to be elected"
The following day the opposition
party engaged the same town cri
er to bell out as follows: "With
the bell be it herewith proclaimed
that on the 18th there is to be an
election tor Parliament; Mr.. Stumn
however is not going to be elected,
but Mr.. Cetto IS" The ancient
town crier, who is also night watch
man, added to his proclamation his
own sentiments to the effect that
"those who won't select either of
these may do just as they like"
Year: 1867




A WORD TO YoUNG MEN.-My
friend, did you ever know, can you
call to mind a single case of a
person, who having his own way
to make in the world, spends his
time in the streets, in billiard sa-
looms, around hotels, or in any form
of dissipation, succeed in any great
degree in any enterprises Look
over your list of friends and ac-
quaintances and note their course.
Do you not find upon examination
that those who to-day are men of
influence and honor were the
youths who made the most of val
liable time, turning it to good &C.
count; and, on the other hand,
don't you find that those who stood
at the corners with a cigar or pipe
in their mouth, went from bad to
worse, from worse to ruing Sadly
must the answer be made oh, that
it was not so--they have failed
Will you not profit by the expert
ience of others Go not that way.
Never be idle. @ Every moment OF
your time is a golden one use it
as such. Improve the mind. Q Fix
your eyes upon some noble object,
Be men. The call is for men,
Will you not be one of that num-
Der who can say, 81 am aman."'
II Monmouth Review. b.uv
Year: 1867

MANY a person has seen a pet
canary or other bird in a state of
perturbation, plucking at himse If
continually, his feathers standing
all wrong. In vain is his food
changed, and in vain is a saucer of
clean water always kept in his
cage. The cause of his wretclied-
ness has not been found out. = If
the owner Of petin such difficult
les will fake down the cage and
look up to the roof thereof, there
will most likely be seen a mass of
stuff like red rust. That red rust
is nothing more or less than myri-
ads Of parasites infesting the bird,
and for which water is no remedy.
By procuring a lighted candle and
holdingIit every particle of
the top Of the, cage till all chance
of anything being left alive is
gone, the remedy is complete.
The pet will soon Brighten up
after his "house warming."laEi
Year: 1867

HoRRIBLE.-A man has been ar =
rested in Hungary for killing four
children and eating their hearts
raw. He acted OH the belief that
he would have the power to become
invisible when he had eaten seven,
but he was not permitted to carry
his experiment to q conclusion
Year: 1867

A LADY made her husband pre-
sent Of a silver cup with an angel
at the bottom; and when she filled
it for him he used to drink it to the
bottom, when she asked him why


he drank every drop.-"Because,
,ducky," he said, ~ long to see the
dear little angel" Upon which
she had a devil engraved at the
bottom, and he drank off the same,
and she again asked him the red
son. "Why," replied he, "because
| won't leave the old devil a drop"
Year: 1867

You seek to make poor men support rich +;
TO make labor the slave of capital to leave
most enormous legacy of debt for our chill
dren to pay our innocent children, who are
guiltless of causing the war, which did not
benefit any one but thieves, spectators and
contractors. And all this, my radical friend,
because you are tired of Democracy, simply
because it was a doctrine of peace, plenty,
prosperity and Unionism. This is part of
the chapter, few of the reasons why we do
not like Radicalism. As man we like you,
but as apoEtician we dislike you, or any man
who seeks to build up and maintain mon
eyocracy, an extravaganza in Government, a
sectional spirit and disregard to Constitu-
tional obligations in antagonism to the spirit
and welfare of our people.


And now we will listen to what you have
to say in seH-defence, and, if your record is
clear, we want it.
Year: 1867

Brigham Young, of Utah, has been
blowing up the women of that free-and-easy
Territory in a manner at once awful and
unique. He accuses them of whining"
and says that they must either ''stop that
sort of nonsense" or else start for the other
side of Jordan at once-and he tells his
own forty wives that he means THEM, as well
as the rest Of the feminine Utahyans. He
says that the kernel of the whole difficulty
the direct occasion of the disagreeable and
vulnerable whining" lies in the fact that
the women expect too much of the Saintsl J.
He says that the women-even his own for :
ty-are so weak minded as to suppose that
the sanity elders of the Mormon Israel can
make heaven on earth for them-and that
after woman has entered Saints family,
and finds that after all he is not able to make
a heaven on earth for her, she begins to
whine and talk about ''too many wives, }"
and the 'evils of polygamy, and such Ike
''blasphemous twaddle" Brigham also says
it is his opinion that any woman who ever
lived would be disappointed in the best
Saint in Utah, should she marry him
and on this point we unreservedly agree with
Brigham. The Governor gave all the wo-
men warning that two weeks from date of
his sermon against whining, he should
call upon them either TO promise never to
whine" more, or else to leave the Terrific
ry, bag and baggage, saying that he would
even send off all his own wives, and go to
Heaven alone sooner than tate such q
whining" crew along with him. We shall
await the next news from Utah with deep
interest
Year: 1867

equity, and in law. In England the Mill
victed and executed for inficting the death
penalty upon soldier in accordance with the
sentence of a commission which had no
power to try such cases, and in this country
the law will lay its heaviest and surest pen
atty upon the members of Lynch court by
which man has been murdered without
trial The blood of any person shed by or
der of these illegal and unconstitutional mill
itary tribunals rests upon the heads Of those
composing the commissions, and under the
late decision the avenger will be upon their
tracks until justice is appeased, and the past
redeemed from the stain which misrule, dis
respect for law, and wilful disregard for hu-
man life and liberty, have placed upon it.


1t is such facts and considerations as these
that lie at the bottom of the attacks now
making upon the Supreme Court Stanton,
and Burnside, and Hooker, and Hunter and
Potter, and Wallace, and their brother


Lynchers," see the dock of criminal
court IN the future, and hence they hound
on their political friends in this crusade upon
J the chief judicial tribunal of the land. But
it is in vain They must meet the issue.
The people will sustain the Supreme Court,
and under their decision the aggrieved party
or their friends can have justice. How far
special enactments can shield culprit from
the effects of crime, remains to be seen. 1t
has been and will be again attempted, But,
then such laws, like all others, are open to
revision and correction by the Supreme
Court, and this last refuge of constitutional
liberty has proved to be sheet anchor to
steady the ship of state in the storm Of an
archy and lawlessness which now prevails
The announcement that the Constitution is
the supreme law of the land, in war as well
as in peace, covers all that is required in
order to allow the conservative element
of the country to reassert its supremacy,
and this will be done if the people are true
to themselves at this crisis.-Age,
Year: 1867

s1- The MISCHIEF OF PASSION -"Will
putting ones self in passion mend the mat
ter p said an old man to boy, who had
picked up stone to throw at dog. The
dog only barked at him in play.


"Yes, it will mend the matter said the
passionate boy, and quickly dashed the
stone at the dog.


The animal, thus enraged, sprang at the
boy, and bit his leg while the stone bound
ed against shop-window, and broke pane
Of glass.


Out ran the shopkeeper, and seized the
boy, and made him pay for the broken pane.
He had mended the matter, finely, indeed


1t never did, and it never will, mend a
matter to get into passion about it. IF the
thing be hard to bear when you are calm, it
will be harder when you are in passion.


IF you have met with loss, you will only
| increase it by losing your temper.


Try to be calm, especially in trifing troub-
les, and, when great ones come, try to bear
them bravely-
Year: 1867

The Supreme Court of the United States
have declared military tribunals unconstitu-
tional, in a decision recently made in case
tried before that body OF the unconstitu-
tionality of the courts-martial and military
commissions organized for the trial of civil
and so-called political offences, no jurist or
individual, of even mediocral calibre ever
doubted, and their existence under the ad-
ministration of Mr. Lincoln has done more
toward fastening upon the characters of the
chief officers of our government during his
administration the repulsive epithets of des-
pots and tyrants, than all their other official
acts combined. The ''little belp' of the
Secretary of State, by which he boasted he
would consign any citizen to bastile, was a
death-knell to personal liberty, and stigma
upon American government. But it was
upheld as military necessity by every
super loyal villain who supported the gov
erament' as means of help. Of the ille-
gality of military tribunals little evidence
was ever pretended by its advocates, who,
as general thing, pleaded their existence
merely as a military necessity. Now that
the war is over it is hopeful omen to see
the highest judicial tribunal of the land make
this great stride to the old constitutional po-
sition that the military is subservient to
the civil law for the assertion of which
our armies lost their ablest general, and law
abiding citizens were stigmatized as copper
heads by the malignant and cowardly pimps
of usurping military tyrant.


This decision of the Supreme Court is not
only most just and convincing vindication
of the position of the Democratic party dur
ing the war, but it is an equally damning
proof of the usurpation, tyranny and des-
potism of the imbecile and reckless admins
tration of Abraham Lincoln under the whip
of New England puritanical destructionists.


Forney's Press of the Goth inst, contains
a suggestive comment upon the decision of
the Supreme Court The language here
suggested as an argument against the deci-
sion, is most conclusive evidence that the
writer properly conceives the real charac-
ter of the man which that journal has so
elaborately applauded as a statesman, and
around whose memoryit it has attempted to
throw the halo of martyrdom. In speaking
of Justice Davis in connection with the de-
cision, the Press says:


''This distinguished jurist was the trusted
and bosom friend of Mr.. Lincoln and should
be among the most earnest guardians of his
fame. He is the executor eff his estate, and
received the high Office he holds from his
hands; and yet we now find him standing
over his grave, and declaring, in effect, not
only that this, his own faithful friend and
the nation martyr President, was a felon
and an outlaw in his usurpations, but that
even the officers of the Government who
aided in Furnishing his murderers are them
selves murderers for having done so. Such
would seem to be an inexorable sequence
from the decision as reported.


And so it IS the 'inexorable sequence, "
and it will be the inexorable decree of the
American people and historians after half of
the many acts of tyranny, murder and
crime of Lincoln's rule are buried in obliV-
ion.
Year: 1867

Hold Democracy dear


Though false prophets appear
To tempt us with butter and bread.
Dear friends of my heart


Ere from you | part,
Pray excuse my poetic defects,


My tolls will be blest


If / am possessed
Of QUARTER from each with respects.
For twelve months / We travelled
With news that have marvelled
The thoughtful, the giddy, and gay,
Now don't be penurious


And think it injurious,
The carrier a QUARTER to pay.
Start not at this dun


Every year / make one,
My visits sum up ffty-two,


Both husband and bride


/ bound to with pride,
Then give me a QUARTER, oh do. :
But less I'll receive


If you should believe
A quarter too much to bestow,
But no less than dime


Can | take at this time,
Farewell to my work l must go.
Year: 1867

General Sheridan has added nothing to his
reputation 10y refusing to allow the citizens of
Galveston to give civil escort, from the
steamer 10 the cars, to the remains of General
Johnston" 1t is true that Gen. Johnston was
a rebel, and that he died in the cause OF the
Clnfcderacy; but the rebellion has passed
away, and we can see no impropriety In al
lowing the people of the South to honor whom
they please in civil capacity. If the proposal
had been to give military honors to the re-
mains of General Johnston, the case would be
different. If the Confederate uniforms, flags,
or any other appurtenances Of the rebellion
were to have been displayed on the occasion,
then the action of Gen. Sheridan might he JUS
titled. But SO far as appears from the cores
pondence, there was to bc nothing more than
civil escort a short distance through the city.
Does Gen. Sheridan or anybody else propose to
take from the Southern people the affection
which they feel for men vino fought aud died
by their side during the late war? If the
nth had conquered the North, would not we
cherish the memory of our heroes quite As
much as we now do? General Sheridan's
course is not calculated to hasten the era of
fraternity and concord between the North and
South, and we fail to see how it can receive the
endorsement of sober, thoughtful and consider
ate men.-N T. Sun.
Year: 1867

It is stated that the Committee on the judi
cary will soon summon General Grant before
them for the purpose of obtaining such infor-
nation from him, if possible, as will test his
fcalty to the President. Should they find him
leaning toward his policy so strongly as to for
bid the hope that he will desert it. it is said the
impeachment project will be abandoned; while,
on the other hand, if there is reason to believe
that he would not actively interfere for the
execution of that policy, impeachment will
then be prosecuted. The committee have other
designs in bringing General Grant before them,
which will appear in due time Wash. Cor.
" T. Herald, Jan. 81.
Year: 1867

Never feed grain or give water to a horse
when warm from exercise. Sweat is not al
ways sign of warmth; place the hand on tho
chest for test. Water given after a meal u
safer than 20 give it before.


Never drive fast or draw them hard imme-
diately after giving them food and drink.


Never drive faster than a walk with heavy
loads


Do not lot horses stand long in the stable at
any time Of year, without exercising.


Feed regularly, and in quantity according to
the appetite Of the animal and the labor tper-
forms.


Do not drive or work long in storms.


Do not Let the horses stand in the stable
cascd in boots of dried mud, and coats OF mat
ted hair. Groom them.


At all times of the year make your horses
comfortable when tied in the stable. They
cannot help themselves there.


Learn your horses to trust and have conf
dence in you, rather than fear.
Year: 1867




An editor thus does up the biography OK
recent accession TO his household:


We have had so many kind friends asking
about that baby that we thought it necessary
to biography the chap briefly, and somewhat
after the current style Of the day.


It's a boy.


He's buster.


Weighs nine pounds and quarter, and old
women tell us that he will grow heavier as his
weight increases.


He's the first boy of which we've ever been
proprietor, and of course he's the only baby in
town.


The old women before mentioned declare
him the very image of pa.


But in Justice to the youth we must say that
we think him an improvement on the original
"a word of progress you know.


This young American is as old as could bc
expected, considering the time he was born,
and will doubtless be too old for his father IN
a few years, if he has good luck.


He is quite reticeht on politics, and only
wants to be let alone. 1


We haven't named him yet we want to
give him distinguished cognomen, but the
fame of our great men is at--a discount.
Year: 1867

DRINK FOR MILCH Cows.-COws that give
milk in Winter will add much to the profit by
giving them bucket full of warm water twice
a day, with a little meal or even the slopss OF
the family in it. Every one has noticed how
all extremely cold day will affect their milk,
or when they have become wet in Summer
A little salt, with meal floating on the surface
Of such drink, will soon teach any COW to
drink it, They will drink at the pump all the
better for little salt.
Year: 1867

HYDRoPHoBIA.-Never forget this, but pre-
serve it in your scrap book: The bite must be
hathed as soon as possible with warm vinegar
and water, and when this has dried a few drops
of muriatc acid poured upon the wound will
destroy the poison of the saliva and relieve the
patient from all present or future danger.
Year: 1867

Four CHILDREN AT BIRTH.--We learn
that this little incident happened one day last
week to lady of this city, and that this Is the
third time she has thus augmented the number
of her household by more than one at a time
first two, then three, and now four.-Notde
ReqiSter.
Year: 1867

We saw negro boy in town yesterday, who
had one hundred and sixty skins taken from
the hares he had trapped during the winter
He disposed of them readily at two cents apiece.
This was, he admitted. all he had done for
living since the cold weather set in.-Ly'ica-
burg NstCs
Year: 1867

How TO GO TO BED on COLD NIGHTs.-
Halls journal Of Healh-good authority -
gives the following advice OH this subject:


"Do it in a hurry, if there is no fire in the
room; and there ought not to be unless you
are quite an invalid. But if person is not
in good health, it is best 10 undress by good
fire; warm and dry the feet well; draw on
the stockings again jump into bed, cuddlc
up with head and ears under cover for min
ute or more until you feel little warmth;
then uncover the head next draw of your
stockings, strsighten out, turn over on your
right side and 60 to sleep. II a sense of chill
illness comes over you on getting into bed, 1t
always will do an injury, and its repetition in
creases the i'll effect, without having any ten
dency to harden You. Nature abhors vio-
lence. We arc never shocked into health
Hard usage makes no garments last longer
Year: 1867

Az OLD MANS ADvGcE.-Never attempt 10
strike the guilty where, by the misdirected or
too hasty blow, the innocent, the gallant and
good may suffer. Never at.mpt to expose
villain if your efforts in 50 doing are likely to
iniure the unsuspccting dupes Of his artifce.-
Never wager more than you carryin your pock--
ct. Never shake hands with man if you are
not glad to see him. Never forget when you
meet, to recognize your friends, and be even
more careful to offer your salutations to these
who are poor Never run extTavagantly into
debt. for it is the by-path which leads to moral
destruction. Never quarrel without sufficient
cause. but if it be necessary that you take up
quarrel, then see you quarrel firmly to the
end. Never betray the confidence OF any one,
especially Of a woman.
Year: 1867

WHILE travelling in Western Virinia,
happening one day to be in a dry goods
store situated in a small village, an old
lady from the country came in. She pur-
chased several articles from the clerk,
and at length observing a neatly painted
and vanished bellows hanging by a post
she inquired what it was. The clerk
perceiving that the old lady was rather
ignorant, and being somewhat of a wag,
informed her that it was new fan he
had lately received from the east, at the
same time taking the bellows down and
putting with it in his face, telling her
that was the mode of operation. The
old lady repeated the operation on her
self, and was so delighted with the new
fan that she purchased it forthwith and
departed.


On the next day our informant the
minister, had an appointment to preach
at a chool house in the neighboring cOUn-
ty. The congregation being assembled,
while the minister was in the act of
reading the hymn, who should pop in
Dub llC Ulu WOLltu W I'll 1ACl uCM 4dSL4Ou-
ed fan, and having taken her seat she
Immediately commenced putting away in
good earnest. The congregation knew
not what to make of it, some smiled, and
some looked astonished, but the lu-
dicrous prevailed over everything else,
and to such an extent that the minister
was obliged to stop reading and to hand
the book to his brother in the desk. At
ter the usual preliminary services, he
rose to preach, but there sat conspicu-
ously the old lady, with the bellows in
front, hand hold of each handle, the
nose turned up towards her face, and
with much self-complacency putting the
gentle breeze into her face. What to
do, or how to proceed he knew not, for
he could not cast his eyes over the con-
gregation without meeting the old lady.
At length summOning resolution, and
trying to feel the solemnity of the duty
imposed upon him, he proceeded. He
finished his discourse, but it cost him
more effort than any before or since.