smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1874

You may remember that l lectured
lately for the young gentlemen of tie
Clayonian Society. During the afternoon
of that day, | was talking with one of the
young gentlemen referred to, and he said
he had an uncle who, from some cause or
other, seemed to have grown permanent
ly hereft of all emotion. And with tears
in his eyes this young man said


"Oh, if l could only see him laugh
once more. Oh, if could only see him
weep"


l was touched. / could never with
stand distress. ! said


Bring him to my lecture, L will start
him for YOU"


"Oh, you could but do it. If you
could but do it, our family would bless
you forevermore, for he is very dear to
US. Oh, my benefactor. can you make
him laugh? Can you bring those sooth-
ing tears to those parched orbs ?"


was profoundly moved. I said:


"My son, bring the old party round.
/ have got some jokes in my lecture that
will make him laugh, if there is any laugh
in him and, if they miss fire, have got
some others that will make him cry or
kill him, one or the other"


Then the young man wept on my neck,
and presently spread both hands on my
head, and looked toward heaven, numb
ling something roverently, and then he
went after his uncle.


He placed him in full view, in the Sec
ond row Of benches that night, and be-
gan on him. / tried him with mild jokes
then with severe ones dosed him
with bad jokes riddled him with good
ones fired old stale jokes into him and
peppered him with red hot new ones. l
warmed up to my work and assaulted
him on the right and left, in front and
behind; fumed, and charged, and rant
cd, till | was hoarse and sick, and frantic
and furious, but l never started smile
or tear-I never moved him once. New
or a ghost of smile, and never a suspi-
cion of moisture, l was astounded. l
closed the lecture at last with one des-
pairing shriek-with one W Id burst Of
humor-and hurled a joke of supernatur-
al atrocity full at him. 1t never phased
him. Then sat down bewildered and
exhausted.


The president of the society came up
and bathed my head in cold water, and
said


"What made you carry on so toward
the last ?"


& was trying to make that confound-
ed old idiot laugh, in the second row."
answered.


" Well, you were wasting your time +;
because he is deaf and dumb, and as
blind as badger" he said.


Now was that the way for the old mans
nephew to impose upon stranger and an
orphan like me ?
Year: 1874

THE pretty playfulness with which
little children charm away the cares of
their parents, is illustrated by touching
occurrence in Indiana. A boy of six
years, after watching the laundry pro-
ceedings, and especially the way in which
the wrinkles in the linen disappeared be-
fore the fatiron, retired to mediate in
the room where his father was taking his
alter dinner nap. There gazing upon the
furrows which years of toll and struggle
had made upon the marble brow of his
parent he was seized with beautiful
idea. In less than a minute that devoted
little boy was smoothing out those marks
of time with very hot fatiron. Life
doesn't seem SO happy to his young heart
now as it used to.
Year: 1874

OWING TO THE DELAYS that have
" attended the printing and distribution
of the Reports of the Commissioners on
Mining Statistics, these carefully pre-
pared and otherwise useful publications,
have failed to keep the world duly posted
in regard to the condition and progress of
mining affairs on the Pacific Coast, the
information conveyed through this me-
dium being already many months old by
the time it reaches the eye of the general
public. With view to furnishing fresh
intelligence on mining topics, and bring
ing the history Of this great industry down
to the most recent date, the undersigned
will, on or about the first of February
next, issue a large octave volume, de-
voted to a consideration of mining mat
ters, as they exist at the present time, in
the States of California and Nevada. In
the fulfillment of this purpose the author
will at once visit every important district
and locality in these States that has not
already been lately examined or heard
from through reliable channels, to the
end that the information embodied in this
volume may be recent and authentic.
The great aim will be to fill the book with
live practical matter wherefore, only
such properties as have been brought to a
productive condition, or as have, through
developments made, established for them
selves good degree Of actual or pros
pectve merit will receive attention nor
will any notice be bestowed on processes
or appliances other than such as have met
with approval after extended working
tests.


This work will be printed on the best
quality Of paper, and be elegantly and
substantially bound, the design being to
impart to it such mechanical excellence
as will reflect credit upon the bookmak-
ing art in California.


HENRY DEGROOT.


SAN Francisco, Nov, 1873.
Year: 1874

won worldwide reputation, and in the art
centers of Europe it is an admitted fact that
its wOod-cuts are examples of the highest per-
fection ever attained. The common prejudice
more educated and discriminating taste which
recognizes the advantages of superior artistic
quality with greater facility of production
The wood-cuts of TIL ALDINE possess all
the delicacy and elaborate finish of the most
costly steel-plate. while they afford better
rendering of the artists original.


The popular feature of copiously illus
trated Christmas number of THE ALDINE
will be continued
Year: 1874

THE ALDINE, while issued with all the
regularity, has none of the temporary or timely
interest characteristic of ordinary periodicals.
1t is an elegant miscellany of pure, light, and
graceful literature, and collection of pic
lures, the rarest specimens Of artistic skill, in
number affords a fresh pleasure to its friends,
the real value and beauty of The Aldine will
be most appreciated after it has been bound
up at the close of the year. While other pub
pared with rivals of similar class, The Aldine
is unique and original conception-al and
unapproached - absolutely without competi-
tion in price or character. The possessOr of
the volume just completed cannot duplicate
the quantity of fine paper and engravings in
any other shape or number of volumes for ten
times its cost and then, there are the chro-
mos besides !
Year: 1874

A lodge of cur grange friends in
Clayton county had need of a barrel of
good whisky for domestic and medicinal
purposes, and We're rightfully determin-
ed to avoid the monopoly prices OF
middlemen in purchasing SO COM
mittee was delegated to come to Du-
buque and purchase it of one of our
Wholesale houses, which they did on
reasonable terms, and took it home on
the cars. On the day of its arrival the
members of the grange repaired with
their stone jugs to the house of the head
Granger, where the barrel was stored.
and the liquor was distributed among
them, each paying for his share at the
wholesale rate mt which it was purchas-
ed. This was well enough as far as it
went, but the next day a Collector Of
Internal Revenue, who had been scent
ing the flavor of the good spirits from
afar. pounced upon the head Granger
for retailing whisky without license,
and threatened to place him under an
rest unless he complied with the re-
qlirements of the Internal Revenue law
in this regard, and he was compelled to
pay S25 or $50 to get rid of the gentle
man and his unpleasant exposition of
what Uncle Sam provides. es.-Dubuque
UCraid.
Year: 1874

A first-rate story is told OF a very
prominent man, who lived in Detroit
forty years ago, and who at that time
owned more steamboats, than any other
man in the West. Like many of the
pioneers who acquired great riches, he
was very ignorant in all that books
taught, but his learning was more like
wisdom. He had, at the time of our
story, Just completed a splendid new
warehouse at Buffalo, and wanting a
suitable clerk to take charge OF it he
advertised for one in the papers. The
next morning early candidate for the
position presented himself, a rather too
hashy young man in appearance, but
the following conversation occurred:


"Young man, when you make mis-
take in any of your books, how do you
correct it ~"


The young man explained, in pro-
fuse manner, how he should make it all
right.


GA good way, no doubt, to do it, :"
replied the old man, "bnt shan't want
you"


Very soon another aspirant put in an
appearance. A similar question was
asked him, and in long and eloquent
manner he pointed out the remedy in
all such cases.


All the reply was, "Young man, 1
shan't want you


Some three or four others dropped
in during the day, and to each one the
same question was put, and they all
had some smart way of covering up
errors in their books.


The old gentleman was entirely
ignorant himself of the art of book
keeping, but he had wisdom in all
things, which is often more than a
match for learning.


Just at the close of the day plainly
dressed man, with bright eye and a
brisk step, called for the situation.


"Take seat, sir, said the old gen.
tleman 81 want to ask you just one
question. When you make a false
entry on your books, how do you go to
work to correct it?"


Tuning upon his questioner a cold,
sharp look, the young man replied:


/ don't make those kind Of mis-
takes, sir!"


"Ah, my dear sir, you are Just the
man | have been looking for all day,
and, in a few moments after, the man
who corrected his blunders by not
making them, was installed in the office.
Year: 1874

despair was Master Coville. Such n
spectacle rs that young gentlemen pre-
sented when he appeared was never be


fore seen in any family, we are certain.


There was candy in his ear, and in his
eye winkers, and down his back, and in


his pockets, and on his clothes, and
there was candy in the inside of his
jacket sleeves, and so much of 1t, that


he could not, trying his best, get that
garment but part way on. And as tor


his hair, no pen can describe it and Il
steam plow wouldn't attack it. 1t was
just simply matted with candy. Had
he plunged headlong into a hogshe I'd of
the molten article his Uranium would
not have been more thoroughly smeared
with it. Where on earth that boy had
been, and how he ever got such quanti-
ties over him, no one could tell. To a
mind of ordinary business capacity, it
would have been a very difficult matter
to decide which should be saved, the
boy or the molasses. Mr.. Coville no
sooner saw him than he checked
mouthful of invectives with Il sudden
ness that made him gasp, and dropping
into chair, fell to staring at the strug
Cling and besmeared youth with all his
might Mrs. Coville, with greater
presence of mind, went for him at once.
and taking him by his sound ear, shook
him till he ratified and snapped like a
pepper of corn. All efforts to get a
comb into his hair were 1lnavailing, and
made desperate by its resistance the
disgnsted parents clipped it off-the
father sitting on the struggling arms,
while the operation was performing
With his hair thus cut the miserable
boy was nearly driven to the verge Of
despair, but finds some consolation i'll
feeling of an iron bolt which he con-
stantly carries in his pocket, and which
he designs driving, at the first favorable
opportunity, against the skull of GER
tain insurance agent who was at the
party D0a1bu,y NcaCs.
Year: 1874

If the Jo,unal, of that city, tells the
truth, yes. In recent issue it says:


"The decent citizens of Chicago,
who may be inclined to feel indignant
that our Common Council chose to
recognize the will of Il low, coarse,
boorish and drunken rabble to the
prayers and petitions of 10000 pure
minded women, as offered at the Coun
Gil Chamber on last evening, should not
be too severe on that worse than worth
less body of men. 1t should he borne
in mind that the mob that howled and
screeched around the City Hall and
through the streets, on last evening, is
ruling Chicago, and that it directly
elected our present Common Council,
and owns majority of the men in it,
and that tlese men dare not do any
thing else than minister to the pleasure
of that mob. on pain OF losing their
little offices at the very next turn of the
political wheel. Such calamity, to
most of these men, would be equivalent
to social extinction, as they are hardly
fit for anything else than to be Chicago
Aldermen"
Year: 1874

DIR. Brown-Sequard, the eminent sur
geon, who attended Senator Sumner
during the last years of his long illness,
delivered "a lecture the other day i'll
New York, in the course of which he
said


When Mr.. Sumner first came under
my care, he was suffering from de-
rangement of some fibres of the nerves
AS YOU all know, he had received blow
upon the head. His spine, as he was
sitting, was bent in two places. His
bent spine had produced the effect of a
sprain, and when saw him in Paris he
had recovered altogether from the first
effects of the blow. He had them two
troubles one was that he could not
make use of his brain at all. He could
not read newspaper or write letter.
He was in a fearful state. It seemed to
him as if his head would explode, as if
there was some great force init pushing
the parts away from each other. In
deed, his emotions were fearful to me.
l told him the best plan of treatment
would consist in the application of
moxas, the most painful application to
the skin. | asked him if he would not
take cloroform to dull the pain or re-
move it altogether. | will always re-
member his impressive assent when l
said that He said: Doctor, if you
can say positively that L will derive Just
as much benefit if | take chloroform as
if | do not, then l will take chloroform;
but if there is to be any degree what
ever of greater amelioratian in case |
don't take chloroform, then l shall not
take it." 1 didn't have the courage to
deceive him. | told him there would
be more good if he didn't take chloro-
form, 50 l had to submit him to the
martyrdom of the greatest suffering
that can be inflicted by medical prac-
tice, and burned him. | thought that,
after the torture of the first time, he
would afterwards use chloroform but
for five times after, in accordance with
his own determination, the operation
was performed without it. A never saw
a patient before that would submit to
such thing. The only explanation for
his conduct was this. AT that time he
was much abused. Report had reached
him that some of his countrymen at
home considered that he was amusing
himself in Paris, pretending to be ill,
and he wanted to return as quickly as
possible. A few days, therefore, were
of great importance to him; so he
passed through all that terrible and
most intense suffering, the greatest |
have ever had the misfortune to intiict,
be it upon man or animal [ have men,
toned it on this account, only to show
what kind of II man he was.
Year: 1874

1t is proposed in Massachusetts to
have third class cars for workingmen
attached to railroad trains. In England
the running of cheap cars, the rate of
fare being one cent mile, has proved
very successful. To English railroad
charters condition was in each case
attached that at least one train daily in
each direction must be run on which
the fare was not to exceed a penny n
mile. This provision was virtually dis
regarded by the railroad companies un-
ill 1872, when the Midland attached
penny mile cars to all it's trains. The
Northeastern and other roads followed
the example of the Midland. The re-
suit has shown decrease in first and
second class travel, and an enormous
increase in third class, with large net
gain to the companies.
Year: 1874

And then began the judicial perplexities
of the problem. According to the Los
Angeles Express, the husband was first
sued for retaining the woman from Aus
tralia under his roof He proved that
she was his lawful wife, and the suit was
abandoned. 4 suit was then brought
against him for unlawfully living with
wife number two. He was acquitted


under the law, which declares that "tbe
marriage of person having husband
or wife living is void, unless such former
husband or wife living was absent and


not known to such person to be living
for five years Immediately preceding
such subsequent marriage-ln which
case the subsequent marriage is void
only from the time its nullity is ad-


judged by proper tribunal" He was
then prosecuted for bigamy, but the
law provides that "no person shall be
held guilty of bigamy whose husband
or wife shall have been absent for five
successive years without being known
to such person as being living" SO he
again escaped. A fourth suit was fin
ally brought to dissolve the second
marriage. That failed because not
brought by one Of the Interested par
ties. They were appealed to, but re-
fused to take action. At apublic meet
ing of the now fairly frantic citizens it
was proposed to petition the Legisla-
ture to pass II special act dissolving
Oades' last marriage But Oades, who
was present, Immediately arose to ad-
dress the meeting, and told them that
that was no go, for by the twentieth
section of the fourth article of the Con-
stitution of California it is expressly
provided that ono divorce shall be
granted by the Legislature. AS Oades
produced the book itself, this argument
was unanswerable. 1t was then pro-
posed that the Legislature should be
petitioned to call Constitutional Con-
vention for the purpose of annulling
one or the other of Oades' marriages
but Oades produced the Constitution of
the United States and read the tenth
section of the first article, which ex-
pressly provide that emo State x 4
shall pass any law impairing
the obligation of contracts" and
marriage he said "was we'll settled to
be contract, and, therefore, no earthly
power could deprive him of his vested
right in his two wives" And thus the
case stands at present-one of the most
remarkable examples of legal and social
contradiction ever known in a civilized
country.
Year: 1874

When Mr.. Hart commenced his efforts to purify that
class public entertainment the variety business
was a poor OF SHOW, vulgar, common and usu.
ally indecent result has tina sustained his
original intention. and is SO much OF credit to his
sagacity pluck and managerial ability that Is worthy
Of full notice IN the pubic press Manager Hart has
sousy frowned upon the intro iucon upon his stage
any word gesture which should give encourage
Inent wee inproDriety. And. in particular. he
in possible way 10 renne the variety
business as far as it would bear without hurting
special and peculiar attributes, to the end
he might dra TO ladies chilren under
the safeguard OF his responsibility that nothing should
occur presence which could wound the uost
tender susceptibility or annoy the most modest
Mr.. Hart has succeeded entirely
is theatre IN the city more tree from license
and few that are equally So We can assure ladies and
gent that they obtain evenings enjoy
Inent without the slightest Objectionable feature 6y
paving occaaonal visit to the Theatre ComiQue To
those who unaccustomed 70 1t It will prove
Year: 1874

We do not mean that they should be
washed and mopped, like kitchen floor.
every day, as it is said they are in some OF
the countries on the European Continent,
but they should be kept reasonably clean
and wholesome, for either man or beast.


Too often, when visiting farmers barn,
one finds the stables at midday containing
all the filth collected during the last TWEEN
ty-four hours. When the care of cattle is
Of secondary importance on farm, the
stable work is often left to the boys, who
don't see the use of being over particular
about keeping the stables or cattle clean.
Few practices are more disgusting than
that of sitting down and milking filthy
COW in filthy stable. We have seen the
milking of large dairy, where the
milk was sent to city market, done in
such a careless, slovenly manner, that we
did not wonder the milk contractors fire.
quently returned milk to the farmer, be-
cause it was so poor it could not be dis
posed of in the city. Usually the first
thing to be done on entering the barn in
the morning, is to give every animal a
feeding of hay. Then, instead of setting
directly down to milking, the stable should
be thoroughly cleaned of all accumulatiOns
made since the previous evening; next,
thin sprinkling of sand, sawdust, short
straw or chaff should be sprinkled over
the floor. This puts the stable in fit con-
dition to sit in during milking; but before
beginning this operation, every cow should
be cleaned of all loose filth or dust adher-
ing to her body. This may be done by the
use of broom, card, dry cloth or a
damp sponge, or all combined. By this
time, the first feeding is pretty much all
gone, and our practice is to feed again be-
fore milking. If the managers are of con-
venient size to hold hay so the animals can
eat without reaching far for it, it does no
harm to feed while milking. After milk
ing, if it was not done before, the cutters
behind the cows should be we'll spread
over with dry earth or absorbents of some
kind, in sufficient quantity to absorb the
liquid voidings from the animals during
the day. Before milking again at night,
the same operation should be repeated.
Cows can be kept much cleaner if made
to stand on raised platform, and this is
the common practice now, Oh nearly all
good farms. We have seen the milk cans
set on the floor behind the cows, much
nearer than we would like to have them,
if we were buying the milk. The pals,
OF cans of milk should be kept during
milking on raised shelf or table in the
sweetest and cleanest corner of the stable,
and they should not remain in the stable
longer than is Necessary.


1t is an excellent practice to go through
all the stalls. to clean off the platforms.
and see that every animal is safe and
quiet the last thing at night before going
to bed. 1t promotes sleep in the house.
to feel that everything is all right at the
barn.


Some old style farmers will not allow
lantern in the stable We should about rs
soon think of doing without light in the
house, as without good lantern for the
barn .-New England Farmer.
Year: 1874

DENTIST. Office I'd story Post Office Building.


IL Teeth extracted without pain, by the use of
Nitrous Oxide (or Laughing Gas. TEETH: from
one tooth to full sett, cheap that the rich and
poor can all get them. Office open all day except
Mondays and Tuesdays. l34tft
Year: 1874

TzB REPUBLICANS AND THE COMING ELEC-
T1oS.-The Republican committee of this city
have decided "that the Republican party
shall place no ticket in the field at the next
municipal election, except in Jackson
Ward," and have further resolved that a
future meeting Of the committee will decide
and communicate through meetings of the
wards, the proper action for Republican
voters Oh the day of election, in order to Sc
cure as far as possible trustworthy and efli-
cieut CITY officials"
Year: 1874

Icg.-In consequence of the mild winter
the ice crop of the United States is said to be
smaller than for many years past, and con-
sumers will have to pay much higher
price than they paid last season. Our city
dealers in northern ice have contracted for
fun supplies, but at figures more than
double the price paid last year.
Year: 1874

FoUR-FooTED CnCkEN.-A four-looted
chicken was exhibited at this office yestef.
day. It lived only four or five days. During
that time it is said TO have used all OF its legs
and feet. This may account for its leaving
this world so quickly.
Year: 1874

DOLBEAR'S COMMERCIAL COLLEGE, LBS BROAD
IL way corner Twenty-ei ighth street open day and
evening Tor new pupils Gentlemen and ladies secure
private rooms and earn more OF business Writing Book
keeping Arithmetic In one month than In wears in
classes Boys prepared practically for business
seat