Year: 1874

1t was Just the night without 10 make
/ those within enjoy a good story, so that
/ each of us had to tell his favorite story,
save Mr.. Green, and as he was jolly sto-
[ ry-teller, we were somewhat surprised TO
! hear him say Il have no story that would
/ interest YOU" so we had to find other en-
tertainments for a while, when one of the
/ boys told me to SIX how it happened that
/ he never got married. So he did.
1 Well, gentlemen, Che began) it don't
seem right for me to tell you how that
/ happened, but as it is about myself don't
care much. You see when | was young
we had to walk as high as five miles to
church and singing-schoOl, which was our
/ chief enjoyment. But this don't have any
/ thing to do with my not getting vile,
/ but just wanted to show you that we had
some trouble in them days in getting our
sport.


John Smith and were like brothers, or
/ like MARY and her little lamb" Where
one went the other was sure TO 60. We
went to see two sisters, and as we were not
the best boys imaginable, the old gentle


man took umbrage and wouldn't allow us
/ to come near the house; so we would take
I the girls to the end of the lane, and there
we would have to take the final kiss.
We soon got tired of that sort of fun,


and [ told John; on our way to singing
school one night, that was going into the
house, too.


He said the old man would run ME ifl did.
told him was going TO risk it anyhow,
let come what would.


He said - he would risk it if | would"
So home we went with the girls. When
we got to the end of the lane | told the


girls we proposed going all the way.
They looked at each other in a way |


didn't like too well, but said they (the old
fOlks) would be in bed, so they didn't care
if we did.


They were little more surprised yet


when | told them we thought of going in


little while, but as all was quiet we had no
trouble in getting into the kitchen.
Then and there we had our first court,
and | made up my mind to ask Sallie to be
my wife the next time | came.
1t was now past the turn of the night,
and as we had four miles to walk, | told
John we had to be going. So we stepped


out on the porch, but just as we did so, the
sky was lit up by lightning, and one ire
mendOus thunder peal rolled along the


mountain side. Its echo had not died out
i'm the far off wales until the rain began to
pour from the garnered fullneSs OF the
clouds. We waited for it to stop until we


were all asleep. when the girls said we


should 90 to bed in the little room at the


head of the stairs. which led out of the


kitchen; rs their father didn'tget up early


we could be home before the old folks


were astir. So after bidding the girls a
sweet gOOd-night-and hugging them lit


tle-and wishing them pleasant dreams,
and promising them to come back on the


next Saturday night, we started for bed.
We dn't have far TO go, rs the bed
/ or = Io of thn tair
John was soon in bed, but as | was al
ways little slow, and full of curiosity, |


was looking around the little room.
At last thought would sit down on
chest which was spread over with a nice
white cloth, while drew off my boots. So
! down | sat. when stars of the east. | went
plump into a big custard pie.
| thought John would die laughing, for


he said had smashed that custard all to
thunder, and the plate right in two.
You see we had to be awful quiet, so
that the old man would not hear.
was now ready to get into bed, so l
put the light out, and picked up my boots,
thinking to put them in a more cOnvcn-
lent place, when down my one leg went


through pipe hole, which had been COW
cred by paper, up to my hip.


Now one part of me was upstairs, while
the longest part of me was in the kitchen.


As my leg was very long it reached a
shelf which was occupied with dishes,
pans. cOffee-pOtS. etc, and it turned over


with tremendous crash.


The girls had not vet retired. and |
could hear them laugh fit to split their
sides.


| felt awful ashamed, and scared until
my heart was in my throat, for expected


the old man every moment.


IeXtricated my leg from the cOnfOunded
hole just in time, for the old lady looked
into the kitchen from the room door. and


asked what all that noise was about.


The girls put her off as best they could,
and | went to bed, while John was stran-
Cling under the cover to keep from


laughing aloud.
We soon went off into the land of
dreams with the hope of waking early. |


wish | could tell you my dreams, but it


would take me too long. One moment |


would fancy myself by the side of Sallie.
slipping nectar from her heaven-bedewed
lips, and next | would see the old man
flOurishing his cane above my head.


This all came to an end by John giving
me a kick.


On waking and looking around | saw
Johns eyes as big as my fist, while the


sun was beaming in at the window.


What to do we couldn't tell, for we


heard the old man having family prayer
in the kitchen.


John looked out of the window and sa :.


we would get down over the porch roof.


"Get out and dress as soon as possible"


he said.


So in my hurry my foot got fastened
in the bedclothes, and out L tumbled head
foremost, turned over, and down the steps


until | struck the door, which was fastened
by wooden button, and it giving way,


out rolled in front of the old man.


He threw up his hands and cried, ''Lord
save us - for he thought | was the devil.
The old lady screamed until you could
have heard her mile.


was so scared and bewildered that /
couldn't get up at once. 1t was warm


weather and | didn't have anything on
but a shirt.


When L heard the girls snickering 1t


made me mad. and Jumped up and rushed


out of the door, the greater part of my


shirt on the old iron door latch.
! Off l started for the barn, and when
half way through the yard the dog set up


a howl and went for me.
When got into the barnyard, | had to


run through a flock of sheep, and among
/ them was an old ram, who backed up lit
/ tie and started for me. With one bound l


escaped his blow, sprang into the barn,


and began to climb up the logs into the


NOW, when arnold mother hen po1nced


upon my legs, picking them until they
/ bled.


/ / threw myself upon the hay, and after


John had slid down the porch into hogs
| head of rain water, he came to me with


one of my boots, my coat, and one of the
/ legs of my pants.


| He found me completely prostrated.
/ Part of my shirt, my hat, one leg of my


PANTS, my vest, stockings, necktie and one
/ boot were left behind.


/ Ivowed then and there that would


never go to see another girl, and I'll die
/ before | will.


/ A Street.Car Incident.
] T., l.. he