Year: 1878

A question is put to us by 8 lady in Brooklyn which has often been asked us before, says the New York Sun, though never so squarely as in this let ter, apparently written by woman of education and good sense:

 SIR: In regard to the rights of men, and the rights of women, wish to ask you if @ man has right to keep company with lady for more than three years and not let her know what he intends? Is it not woman's right to know what object man has in winning her heart, and ought he not to respect that right? Would it not be better and tar more honorable for man to speak out, even though he does notintendmarriage, than to keep one whom he loves or prctends to love, in constant sus- pense? Please give me your views on this subject, and oblige

 AN ANXIOUS MOTHER. A man who for three years pays lady attentions which are so marked as to lead her and her friends to the conclusion that he is fond of her and desires her for a wife, and yet who never frankly exposes the state of his heart to her, assuredly does not do right. If he takes pains.to engage the affections of the lady, but carefully avoids committing himself by an offer of marriage, he is mean fellow, and ought to be made to understand that that is the opinion entertained of him. Sometimes the reason the man fails to speak is his timidity, or his fear of get ting a refusal, or his inability to support wife; but in this case the fellow has been long enough counting to put the momentous question, and there is no ex- cuse for his not doing it.

 The situation of young lady under such circumstances is very trying, and no honorable man will place her in it.. She can't force the avowal of love from him. nor will feminine de1lcacy let her expose her own love unasked. She is kept in @ state of doubt which must make her very unhappy, provided she has really grown fond of the fellow; and yet she must wait in suspense for him to say the word which will bring joy to her soul. That sort of thing is all wrong, and it should not be tolerated. Just what are the feelings of the young man, ought long before this to have been known to the girl and her parents.

 In the old days, Ill such case, the father or mother of the girl would have sought a private interview with the man and ask him to state his intentions. There was much to commend in the cus- tom but of late years, in this country, parents have delicacy about interfering in these matters. fearing that they will give the impression that they are too anxious to marry their daughters off. They may be exceedingly desirous of see- ing her well settled in life, and may ac- tually manouvre to make an eligible match for her; but they hesitate to ask the young man, plumply as our ancestors did, whether his attentions are serious or not. All they can do is to discourage calls of gallant who enjoys himself in making love, but who is willy enough not to declare it.

 Our advice to this anxious mother is to treat the fellow of whom she so justly complains with little judicious coolness; to lessen his opportunities for private in- terviews with her daughter and to quiet ly give him to understand that he is not to be allowed to play fast and loose with the girl. Let the young lady carefully abstain from exhibiting any warmth of feeling for him, bear herself with dignity and reserve in his society, and permit none of his sham love-making. Perhaps after while he will begin to see that he ought to have learned in three years whether he wishes to marry her or not. The trouble may be that he thinks he may get the prize at any time, and so he is in no hurry to reach out for it. He should be taught that he is wrong in his

 presumption, and can no longer enjoy the privileges of courtship without as- s,lming it's responsibilities.