Year: 1874

vow-and l must perform 1t, even though 1
cut myself off from all hopes of Heaven, and
doom myself to perpetual misery thereby.


"The fatal hour is drawing nigh, and while
I wait its approach, 1 will employ myself in
preparing statement to meet the eyes of
those who have befriended me here, that they
may know the sorrows l have borne, and the
causes which have driven me to the act am
about to commit.


II am Charles Sydney's wife. do not
know how, or for what reason his name is
changed to what it now is Six years ago, in
the summer of 18-, l first met him, in my
native village of Thornton, in Berkshire, Eng
land. / was then a young, innocent girl OF
eighteen-no, not quite eighteen. [ was
called pretty, and had many admirers and
sweethearts, one of whom had long wanted
me to marry him; my mother and every one
else expected me to do so, and [ thought l
loved him, until Charles Sydney came. Then
all my feelings were changed, and this stran-
ger, whom 1 had never before seen, soon won
my heart


"I believe he loved me then. He seemed
to do so; he looked and spoke as if were
very dear to him, and asked me to become his
wife. I was frightened to think of marrying
gentleman like him, for was only an igno-
rant country girl, and he was very clever and
grand. But I loved him so much that my
fears seemed to melt away, and, at last, l
promised. All this time, nobody knew any
thing of this secret love there was the begin
ming of my sin. At last my mother found it
out She was very angry, and forbade my
seeing him again; but I loved him as much
as ever, and I thought her cruel and hard.
Then he went away, and I thought he had de-
serted me; and while he was gone [ promised
to marry my old lover, for was tired ofhold-
ing out against my mothers wish, and [
thought he would never come back again.


my wedding-day was fixed, and tried to
make up my mind to be satisfied, and to re-
turn my sweetheart's true love, and be good
and honest wife. Oh! why could I not have
been left in peace to do my duty? If l had
married Jem, I might, in the end, have been
happy; would have been faithful to my
promises, and no one could have loved me
better than he. Why did temptation come
again in my way?


HE came back-he sought me secretly one
night, and told me he had everything ready,
and must come with him, and he would
take me out of the reach of those who were
prosecuting me, somewhere far away, where l
would be happy, and that he would marry me
and love me always. And 1 forgot my prom.
ises to my lover-forgot my mothers wishes
forgot duty, obedience, everything else for his
sake. I went off with him, without even
writing word to those I left behind; hard
ly knew what did, twas as if were acting
in dream. After travelling two days and
nights we came to France, and there in a little
town we stopped and were married by mag
istrate. Ihave the proof wih mo that The mar
riage auas real. Then we went to different
places-stopped little while at one and
little while at another-and at last he took
me to Paris. All this time, in spite of my
wicked conduct, I was happy-because he
was so good to me and loved me so much.
He never seemed to tire of me, or to be
ashamed of my ignorant ways; he taught me
everything ought to know, and 1 began to
act and speak like lady, and to understand
how I should behave. I learned fast, because
I wanted to please him, and he used to praise
me, and say many loving things.


"But after while he was less kind; at
least, he used to leave me oftener alone, and
stay away longer at time. Still he seemed
fond of me, and could bear anything while
that lasted. began to think, though, that
he was growing tired of me, and this made me
very unhappy, and l began to remember the
old times at home, and long sometimes for my
mother, and the others had left. But | was
never dull before him, lest he might weary
of me more.


"At last friend of his came to Paris, from
his home in America His name was Russell
bold, bad man, who led him into evil ways,
and, who, from the first, seemed to be my ene-
my. Charles seemed afraid of him; l do not
know why, but he could never refuse to do
anything he wished. And 1 believe to this
hour that it was he who persuaded him to
leave me, as he did, alone and helpless in
that foreign land, without one friend to turn
to in my desertion. He brought me letter
one day, from my husband, bidding me good
bye, and saying that we could never meet
again, that our marriage had been only pre-
tence, and was not really his wife. Wheth-
er he really thought this or not, cannot tell;
but at all events he went, without seeing me
again.


"The misery 1 felt then is as fresh in my
mind as if it were yesterday; but that was
nothing-nothing to what was still to feel.


Russell came to me and offered me his
protection-vile, cruel hypocrite! l was so
helpless and lonely that I was afraid Of
making him angry with me, so 1 did not show
him all felt, but pretended that had made
up my mind to stay in Paris; but when he
left me, I put up few things and stole away
secretly from the hotel where I stayed, and
that night got away on the cars. had
enough money to carry ME home, and though
I knew nothing about taking care of myself
in travelling, found people kind enough to
help me and direct me on my way, and at
last got to my home. got there to find our
cottage desolate, and my mother dead-dead