Year: 1878

VOIiCotS pAaU tuO pCu6sty VI uIS CIlIuCS
by letting fall his head from the exc
cutioners axe, since when travelling
through Schwartzwald has not been
SO perilous to life and purse, nor has
there been seen any Ghostly Knight of
the Road in that section of the world.


TO THE GIRLS.


Dear girls, are you in search of q
husband?


That is a pumper, and you are not
requested to say Yes out loud, but
are expected to throw your eyes down
onto the earth, as though you were
looking for pin. and reply TO the in
terrogatorv with kind of drawling
sigh.


Not to press SO teuder theme until
it becomes thorn in the flesh, we will
presume, 10 avoid argument, that you
are on the look out for something in
the male line. Let me give you some
small chunks of advice how to spot
your future husband:


l. The man who is jealons of every
little attention which you get from
some other fellow, you will find after
you are married to him he loves him
self more than he does you, and what
you took for solicitude, you will dis
cover has changed to indifference.


Jealousy isn't heart disease, it is q
liver complaint.


>. A mouslache is not Indispensable !;
it is emily little more hair, and is much
like moss and other excrescenses-of-
ten does the best on soil that won't
raise anything else. Don't forget that
those things which you admire in q
fellow before marriage, you will prob
ably dislike in husband after, and q
moustache will get TO be q very weak
diet after a long time.


3. If husbands could be taken on
trial as Irish cooks are, two-thirds of
them would probably be returned ;
but there don't seem 10 be any law for
this. Therefore, girls, you will see
that after you get man. you will have
to keep him, even if you lose on him.
Consequently if you have any cold
vicutals in the house, try him on them
once in a while during securing sea-
son, and if he swallows them well and
says he will take some more, he is q
man, who, when blue Monday comes,
will wash we'll.


4. Don't marry man who is always
telling how his mother does things. 1t
is TOO hard to wean young one.
5. If a man can beat you playing on
the piano, and can't hear fish-horn
playing on the street, without turning
q summersault on account of the music
that is in him, say to leave him he
might answer to tend baby. and If you
set him hoeing out in the garden, you
will find that yon have got to do it
yourself. A man whose whole heft
lies in music, and not too hefty at that
amt no better than seidlitz powder ;
but if he loves to listen while you sing
some gentle ballad, you will find him
mellow and not soft. But don't marry
anybody for just one virtue, any quick
er than you would flop man tor just
one fault.


6. 1t is one of the toughest things
for female to be an old maid sue
dessfully. A great many have tried it
and made bad job of it and had a
hard time. Everybody seems to look
upon old maids just as they do upon
dried herbs in the garret-handy for
sickness-and therefore, girls, it amt
mistake that you should be willing
to swap yourself off with true heart
ed fellow 70; a husband. The swap is
good one, but don't swap for any
man who is respectable just because
his iathcr is. You had better be an
old maid four thousand ) earsand then
join the Shakers, than to buv repent
ance at this price. No womon ever
made this trade who 1idu't get either
fool, Il mean cuss, Or clown for a
husband. .E55


7, In digging down into this sub
ject find the digging goes harder the
further get. 1t is much carrier TO in-
form you who not to take, for the rea
sou there are more of them.
Ido1t think you will follow my
advice if if l give it; and l keep it, for
look upon advice as l do upon cas-.
tor ola mean dose to give aud q
mean dose TO take. But l must say
Que thing, girls, or spoil. Ii you can
find bright-eyed, we'll ballasted boy
who looks upon poverty as saucy as 3
child does upon wealth-who had
rather sit down On the cnrbstOne il
front of the Fifth Avenue Hotel, ant
eat ham sandwich. than to go inside
and run I'm debt for his dinner and
toothpick-and who is a man will
that sort Of pluck that mistakes de
feat for victory. my advice is to tax
him, body and soul-snare him q
once, for he is stray trout. breet
very scarce in our waters.


Take him. say, and build onto hir
as hornets build on q tree.-[Josh Bill
lings-corrected.


; 1T is proposed in Indiana to chang