smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1866

A PLAIN farmer says: ait is now ovei
twenty years since / learned that sweet oil
would curs the bite of a rattlesnake. not
knowing it would cure other kind of poison
Practice observation and experience have
taught me that it would cure poison of any
kind, both on man and beast I think no
farmer should be without bottle of it in his
house. The patient must take a spoonful OF
it internslly, and bathe the wound for a cure
To cure a horse it requires eight times as
much as it does for a man. Here let me say
of one of the most extreme cases of snake
bites in this neighborhood: Eleven Tesrs
ago this summer, where the case has been
thirty days standing, and the patient had
been given up by his physicians, 1 heard Of
it. carried the oil and gave him spoonful,
which affected a cure. It is an sutidOte for
arsenic and strychnine. It viii cure blost in
cattle by eating too freely Of fresh clover; it
will cure the sting of bees, spiders or other
insects; and will cure persons who have beeh
poisoned by low running vines, growing in
the meadows, called ivy
Year: 1866

AN old Editor once said to a young man
who was about to wed the scissors, paste and
pen: my young friend, you are about to
become, I learn, the editor of q newspaper.
Permit an old man to give you this piece Of
advice. If you desire success in that capaci-
ty. You should, in each paper, publish one
column for a sensible man, and two for a
fool .,


It has been truthfully remarked, that old
man has measured we'll the public mind. He
had calculated the capacity of the minds he
had to FIJI, and he knew what each one could
hold. The public have not changed much
While one man reads moral essay, dozen
will drown his voice with laughter over an
absnrditv. A majority OF the people don't
take the babers to learn. they take them to
laugh. i They enjoy the mirth and music Of
a hearty guffaw; they want something to to
DroToLe 9 evoke t, and that something they must
have, or they won't take the paper.
Year: 1866

A HERO Of the Prize Ring will be de-
graded by transference to the Bear Car
den; but if he incline to the change,
none has the right to say nay. Right or
wrong, however, we half deprecate an
ambition thus perverted, and the trite
quotation reeurs: "To what base uses
do we come at last ! " John Morissey
has hitherto associated with brave men !;
he now seeks nominal afiliation with
towards; he has fought his own battles,
and the foe went down before his own
strong hand; but the fellows whose as
sociation be now eovets were craven in
the hour Of conflict, and forced better
men to brave the blows which their
coward souls dared not encounter. John
Year: 1866

The following is from a married man, who
knows whereof be speaks: The way to
Judge OF a womsn's character at first sight is
to ascertain the color of her pettieoat. A
black petticoat indicates low spirits, hatred
of washtubs and activity, and taste for dys-
peptic literature and quietude. A black pet
ticoat could no more read and understand
this paragraph than she could suck up the
Atlantic with three cent syringe. A white
petticoat shows a character Just opposite--an
unsullied mind, and taste for romance. A
woman who takes naturally to white petit
coats and never wears any other, IS an in
stitution to which young gentlemen OF con-
nubial proclivities should lose no time in pay
ing due attention. The red pethcost, how
ever. is something of which mankind should
beware it is the insignia of Xantippe, style
of females who cut their toe nails with their
husbands razors." It may all be true as the
follow SAYS, but the petticoat is something
we never heard of before, and consequently
we plead ignorance of the whole matter.
Year: 1866

CLEvERLY ToLD.-There was sensation
story sAoat short time ago about man in
Mobile who, in committing suicide. cut of
his head and hid it so effeetually that no one
has ever been able to find it. The circum-
stances excited the envy Of some chap, ont
West. who thus tells of horrible affair that
recently occurred out in his section:


An Indian there who had lived unhappily
with fifty or sixty squaws, determined upon
suicide. Desiring that no one should be able
10 identify any portion Of him, he cut of
both legs and carried them about five miles
into the woods. on foot and alone. He buri-
ed them, and then cut off both his arms.
which he carried some FIVE miles further and
buried Then emitting ont his tongue, that
he might be unable to tell any one he might
meet who he was, heproceeded several miles
further chanting his death song as he went.
He finally cut off lis own head, and after
amusing himself for some time kicking. 1t
about as football, making the woods ring
with his shouts of merriment, he hid 1t IN the
trunk Of tree: and then. digging a grave
with his own hands, he got in, covered HIM
self MP. md planted very handsome tomb
stone at the head of his grave.-WheFe IS
your Mobile man now?
Year: 1866

AMONG the many beautiful and truth
full productions of B. F. Taylor, the fol-
lowing is not the least in point of merit


"That seat is occupied, said bright
eyed girl to a man who was about to take
it. "Oecupied ! " he growled where 5
his baggage ?" With a saucy upward
look at him, I'm his baggage" )" she
said. And this brings me to say that if
you are going a long journey in regions
where it is " first come, first served, the
most desirable piece of baggage you can
take with you is not hat-box or a
blanket, but a woman. If you have
none, then marry one, for you are not
thoroughly equipped for the road till you
do. When dinner is ready you follow in
her blessed wake, and are snugly seated
beside her. and exactly opposite thepat-
ter of chickens, before the hirsute crowd,
womanless as Adam was till he fell into
deep sleep, are let in at all. There y7u
are, and there they are. You twain-one,
with the two best chairs in the house,
served and smiled on Look down the
table at the unhappy fellows, some of
them actually bottoming the chairs they
occupy, and their arms and hands reach
ing in every direction across the table
/ like the tenaeule of gigantic polypus.
/ When night comes, and with it a border
tavern. it is not you that shift from side
10 side on the bar room floor. IF there
is anv best he'd she gets it and You share
| it. You follow her into the best car
she is first in the stage coach and you
are too More than that, awOmrn keeps
YOU upon your honor; you are pretty
snre to behave yourself all the way.


! The conclusion is as strong as loriat
that travelling bachelors have forgotten
some of their baggage, and that If a
woman hears a man sneer ahnGt heI
1 troublesome sex and their inevitable, in.
separabIe band box, aud then in some
weak moment he says to her, 8 will you,


and if she be wise, she will be cautious


Men are not a 1.-THE of the help to women
on a Journey that the latter in theiI
modesiv and their ieuorance-we beg
pqrdon, rkick ?-are always conceding
/ Blessed he nothing a lone woman car
make the transit of the American cont


cent like Venus Gro ossinr the sun, withou


either danger or insult. She can emulate
the Irish Norah, who, in some old fabu


lous time, decked with jewels and beauty


made the tour of Ireland alone, and no


a soul harmed her as she went:


Rich and rare were the gems she wore,


And bright gold ring on her hand she PORE


But ah her beauty was far beyond


Her sparkling gems and her snow-whIte wand.
On she went and her maiden smile


In safety lighted her round the green ISL
Year: 1866

APARIs correspondent Of the NO. Plea
yune sends the following:


Thev bore a cogin from the Tuiieries the
other day. Are you not Opposed to envy the
life of A man whose home was that palace
He was a cousin of the French Emperor
Would YOU not like to be the cousin Of the
French Emperor. He was the First Cham
herlain and Superintendent Of the Imperial
Theatres. Wouldn't you give the world 10
be present at all tie ceremonies OF the lmper-
ial Court to have the distribution OF tickets
to them, and to be the mortal whose very
SIGHT wreathes in smiles the faces OF haughtl-
est STAGE bcauties. and whose drau hts on
their hearts they dare not protest? Indeed
Won would! He had seventeen grand cross
es of the highest selected orders in Europe.
Don't YOU envy him? Good reader, envy
no man.


Ihave seen many spollt child OF fortune
in his dressing gown. l have never seen
ore would have changed places with. Ger
tainly Count BacCiochi seemed dandled by
fortune tenderly as she ever dandies any one.
He was born in the gllded cradle and he trod
life on a carpet Of roses; buthe was the VIC
tim of disease, which tortured him with bar
borous cruelty. It was one ol those nervous
diseases beyond the reach OF medical science.
He would not remain still either in chair OF
in bed without suffering the acutest pain
The nerves Of motion were affected. lie
transao,ed business on foot; he dictated let
ters and lists Of invitation as he paced his Of
fee. He listened to the performance OF op-
eras in his latticed boy, which had no seat IN
il, and was covered with thick carpet, that
he might walk during the whole performance
He saw ballets danced from the slips OF the
stage. Often he would take the dulIest book
issued from the press, have candles lighted in
broad day light, and read the stupid work
until he caught its heaviness and was COM
posed to sleep. Sometimes sleep would moi
come even when so summoned; then he
would walk until he had exhausted the body
so that the nerves were insensible to pain
and sleep would become necessary to life
| On one occasion he walked without intermiss'
ion for thirty-six hours trying to subdue pair
by fatigue.
! The soles OF his ieet were red. as il they
had been boiled and blood had been forced
through all their pores The Emperor gave
Year: 1866

SYDNEY SMITH cut the following from q
newspaper and preserved it for himself:


"When you rise in the morning, form a
resolution to make the day a hap
py one to fellow creature. 1t is easily
done a left-oif garment to q man who needs
It. a kind word to the sorrowful, an encourag-
iag expression to- the striving-triaes in
themselves light as air-wIll do it, at least
for that twenty-four hours. And if yon are
Young, depend upon it, it will tell when yOu
are old and If you are old, assured it will
send YOU gently and happily down the stream
of time to eternity. Ityou end one person,
only one, happily through the day that is
365 in the course of the year, And suPpos-
ing you live forty years only after you com
mencs that course OF medicine you have
made l4,6OO beings happy, at all events for
a time"
Year: 1866

A YOUTHFUL INFRUDER.-A mans wife in
South Bend, last week, presented her hus-
band with very fne boy. Next morning
the man stopped into the Mayors Office and
stated that the night previous follow came
stalking into his house, stark naked: that he
was unable to put him ont and that he was
there yet. Three policemen at once started
on the run to oust the intrGder. When they
got into the house, thy asked TO see the feI-
low that has come in there the night before
The nurse brought ont TIE baby. The police
mon suddenly disappeared, and 1t Is snpPos-
ed have had to stand good many extra
treats since.
Year: 1866

THE leading editorial article Of the
London Times of November Is says:


Look where we would it was the same;
in the far west, and throughout the entire
north, there was either the bright glane-
ing speck of light, or the long train, or
what seemed an actual ball Of light, that
Illuminated the country, and was SLOW to
die away. As the night advanced these
meteors chased one another across the
sky, following in one another's track, or
running side by side. The heavens
seemed alive with this unwonted host
There we're times when-it seemed as if
mighty wind had caught the old stars,
loosed them from their holdings, and
swept them across the across the frma-
ment. The Olympian himself might have
been supposed on the throne launching
his bolts against an offending or forget
full world. There he was all but visible,
for at one place there we're meteors that
appeared only as spots to disappear, or
to traverse only just as much space as
would show motion. That, in fact, was
the very pathway of all this artillery,
which was thus foreshortened, like a
column of soldiers, as seen by those that
have to bear the brunt. In the course
of two or three hours there must have
been many thousands of these visitors,
usuallv so rare. Even when the sky be-
came partially overcast they still showed
themselves at every opening, and shono
through the vail of clouds Few, indeed,
who saw it had ever seen the like, or
could expect ever to see it.


X 4 ); ''These stones enter our at
mosphere with a velocity of forty miles
per second, and destroy themselves, as it
we're, by their own violence, for when
once arrested by our grosser air, they
are instantly melted and dissipated in the
air. That process, however, is only pos
sible with very small stones, estimated
by grains. for an a@rolite Of only few
pounds could only haveits surface affected
by such a momentary operation. Is 1t
quite impossible that some day the earth
NAV have to encounter more bulky metal,
more comparable to our mundane artil-
lerv? Showers of stones there have
been and there evidently is no limit to
their size, either in history or in science,
for the laws which govern the movement
of everybody in our solar system apply
equally to all sizes and all substances.
from this earth to a grain of dust, from a
mass Of metal to a vaPor. Here is a
shower of missiles, Of unknown weight
and inconceivable velocity, always in mo
ton from some unknown battery, and
every human generation has to run the
gauntlet. VIII this atmosphere of ours
always prove an absolute protection, and
turn off these bolts, as merit is said tr
do the shafts of envy and detraction
That is a question at least to be thought
Year: 1866

How TO REGULATE PRrcEs.-A New York
lady writes to the Times of that city, to
complain Of the high price Of bonnets. She
says:


One day last week I went into leading
millinery on Sixth avenue, for the purpose o.
purchasing bonnet. saw only one which
suited my taste-a plain black silk, trimmed
only with cut beads, and the price was S15.
I did not take the bonnet, but went to work
and made one exactly like it, at cost Of
S46l,
Year: 1866

THE PRESIDENT AND THE FAcr1oN1srs.
Daily information from Washington
shows the firm ground upon which the
President stands, and how little he cares
for Congressional intriguers and wire
pullers. He maintains his position with
eoolness and ability, and proves an over
match for all who seek to divert him from
his high purpose to support the Constitu-
tion he has sworn to defend against the
Vaccinations of those who are plotting
its overthrow. Backed, as he knows HIM
self to be, by the great body of the peo-
pie, he may well treat with calm inditfer-
ence all the threats or cajolings of the
demagogues who surround him. The
Washington correspondent Of the Cincin-
natl Gazette is well known to be in the
confidence of the leading Republican
members of Congress, and he thus speaks
of the numerous audiences which have
been recently held at the White House:


Throughout all these interviews, the
Presidents manner has been kind and
considerate. No lack of respect has been
shown for Congressman; no disposition
TO attempt any coercive measures. On
the other hand, he has exhibited no sense
OF dependence on Congress, and no feel
ing OF even the slightest apprehension as
to the result. He constantly refers to the
people,, with manifest conviction that
public sentiment is overwhelming on his
side; and that in the event of any differ
ence between himself and Congress. on
these points, the party and the country
will be sure to sustain him. - Ticksbur0
Herald, l1h instant.
Year: 1866

THE SINCERITY OF THE SoUTH. "A
Georgia correspondent of the New York
Metropoliton Record, writes:


. "Our Northern brethren if they will
permit the term, and if they won't, we
care pot) need not hesitate to trust the
men Georgia has chosen for her represen-
tatives at the seat of Government. IF we
are honest in our professions of loyalty,
there can be no hazard i'm their admission.
II they will look to the record of the past,
they will see that we generally mean what
we say. Did we not make an honest de-
claration of our principles five years ago
And did we not make an honest fight to
maintain them! If they doubt it, let
them listen to the proud anthem Of the
Father of Waters as he rises mot stoops)
to lave the feet of heroic Eicksburg to
the melancholy story of old Bull Rum, as
he moves sluggishly to the Potomac; OF to
the bacchanalial song of Chickahominy,
drunk with liquid redder than wine."
Year: 1866

General Jackson went down to New


Orleans upon an occasion, and he met of
course, with an enthusiastic reception
from his old friends and comrades in
arms. The latter appointed committee
to make arrangements for visit to the
"battle ground" about seven miles be-
low the city. Without consulting the
General, ort&,king particularly about
tho day Of the week they appointed Sun.
day, as the time for q visit. Tho day
came clear and beautiful. After break.
fast they notified him that everything was
in readiness for the contemplated visit to
the scene of his conflict, his triumph and
glory. He informed the gentlemen who
had notified him that as it was Sunday,
be wished to attend church, instead Of
visiting the battle ground tbat.day. The
gentlemen Of the committee were duly
Informed of this, and considerable con.
sultation was had. AS all the arrange
ments had been made for that day and
everything was then ready, they conclu-
ded to wait upor the general in a body
and tell him of the circumstances and
hint that it would look strange and sound
odd, if not Puritanic, for him to refuse
compliance with their wishes. This was
done. The General listened to-swhat
they had to say, and then, turning his
keen black eyes upon them, (which spar
kled again with little Of their old fire,
he replied with quite dignity "Gentle.
men this is Sunday, and | have already
informed you that | am going to church =
The committee subsidcd. rather pleased
than otherwise with the response Of the
old hero. "Whst fools we were," some
one said as the committee retired, "to try
to change the determination of Old Hick-
Dry after he had once made up his mind"
Year: 1866

Why Nor "A Norfolk (Va) paper
says that Southern ladies "do not talk
to anything like tho extent they used to.
The editor thus theories on the sub
ject:


"We believe it is the result of mys-
terious solemnity that has in the last few
years of trial aud mighty events crept
over the world. Levity is not as wide
spread. Men and women look now more
in earnest, and work harder; do more to-
ward carrying out the end of their being.
We may be wrong, but such arc our con-
victiOns in spite Of the wickedness abroad
in the land.


This may be perfectly sound-so far as
the latitude of Virginia is concerned, says
the Mountaineer, but it doesn't apply
everywhere. Hereabout, as q general
thing, when women do not talk (if they
have any one to talk toy, it is because
they are either stupid or sleepy. The
solemn ones talk more than the gay-only
they lecture, mOralize, preach and growl,
instead of chattering.
Year: 1866

Henry Ward Beecher, in recent
speech, thus facatiously referred to the
story of the Prodigal Son. Even those
at whose expense the point is made will
enjoy it:


We all know tho story ofthe Prodigal
Son--how that self-suficienE youth, in
the pride of his own self-conceit, sought
from his father his portion of the patri-
mony that he might go out and live by
himself. The father gave it to him and
he went out; ssand, like too many other
sons of rich men in our days, he very soon
spent the whole of his patrimony, and
wasted it in riotous living, drunkenness
and debauchery; and when he was re-
duced to the most abject poverty and
covered with filthy rags, was compelled
to become keeper of swine and to save
himself from starving, to feed on the
husks that the swine did eat. But he
came to himself at last and determined to
turn towards Lis fathers house, and how
he was received? Why his father saw
him while he was yet great way of, and
ran unto him and fell on his neck and
kissed him, and put a fine robe upon and
invited him into the parental mansion,
where the fatted calf was killed and the
feast made ready. That was the manner
in which the prodigal was received, as we
get the the story from the lips of our Sa-
viour; but when / was in New England
not long ago, I heard another version of
this story [laughterl, which you may call
the radical version. I will tell you what
it was. When the young man came to-
wards his fathers house in filth and rags,
his father closed the door against him
Says he "You vile wretch, you have
spent all your patrimony, wasted your sub
stance, and you are unfit to enter into my
house. I know you hayo 20 money and
no credit, and you cannot buy anything,
but you must 60 and buy . fine silk robe
before you can come into my house: /: and
another thing, when you cross my thres-
hold it shall be on two inexorable condl-
tions: First of all, you shall take solemn
oath that you have never been away and
second you shall give good guarantees
that you will never go again" IGreat
laughter
Year: 1866

If any man of fighting age fayors the
deposing of the President in the present
state of the country, let him join militia
ry company at once and drill as often as he
eats; and if he is not of that age, but has
boys that are, let him call them to him
on the first opportunity, and looking them
fairly in the face, decide which of them
or how many of.them, he is ready 10 see
die rather than have Andrew johnson
President of the United States till the 4th
of March, 1869.-Ne06urypOrt Mass. J
Herald.
Year: 1866

The girls in Michigan are taking deci-
sive measures with the undecided young
men. One of them asked young man
when he intended to marry her. The
young man said he was not on the marry,
and she broke teapot, filed with boiling
water, over his head. She was justified,
of course.
Year: 1866

We heard of Yankee and his wife al
one Of our hotels, the other day, who had
brought hired negro woman along to wait
upon them. They told the negro that
they would pay her regular wages. but
that she would have to pay her own board
Her wages were ten dollars month, her
board twenty five dollars. At such rates
how long will it take the negro wench tc
cleara thousand dollars ?-Brenpam( Tea
0s) Banner.
Year: 1866

WANTED.-A situation as son-in- n-law
in respectable family. Blood and bleed
ing po object, being already supplied
capital essential. No objection to going
short distance in the country.
Year: 1866

faction. He failed, but his mission was
by no means fruitless. The people of
West Virginia have been taught to re-
feet. Facts, of which they have been
hitherto ignorant, have been placed be-
fore them, and under tie influence of
new ideas and of truths to which the
popular mind was long a stranger, the
citizens of West Virginia are already
beginning to see the errors and
dangers into which Radicalism would
lead them. Though by no means a
young man, Colonel SMITH will yet see
the day when this young State shall
stand forth purified from the corrup-
tions that now pollutc her, but in all
the bright hours that succeed her re-
demption she will find no more able or
fearless champion than he.