Year: 1874




with bureau drawer for a seat, while
Long Primer is playing horse in the par
lor with bust of Andrew jackson, and
Small Plea IS dipping lace curtains into
pail of whitewash.


We don't clean one room at a time,
but go at il in a wholesale way and rake
the old house from floor to roof Three
mornings ago when started down, my
wife said in her innocent, deceiving way
that she guessed she'd do little house
cleaning, and that we'd have a picked
up dinner. When l returned home the
bedsteads were circling around the back
yard, the kitchen stove was buried under
the straw beds, the curtains were down,
windows out, carpets up and four Afri-
cans were mildly drawing their whitewash
brushes over the ceiling and having an
animated discussion about cremation.


Ny wife said she'd have it so clean
that fly would break its neck slipping
down, and she was so enthusiastic about
it that 1 cheerfully ate dinner on the man
hlcPICSC, dLo llldQC lO lCIlidlh MS WUtu L
found the cork of the camphor bottle and
the front door key stuffed into the spout
Of the coffee pot.


When left the house Small Plea was
hanging to the pegs of the hall tree and
singing "Mollie Darling" and Long
Primer was trying to wipe the white
wash out of his left eye with a chrome OF
the Yosemite Valley, but my wife kind
ly said needn't stay on their account.


came up at night fondly believing
that everything would be regulated but
the bedsteads in the back yard had in
creased in number, chromos were hang
ing to the olothes-line, the clock was be-
ing dissected in the alley by a youth Of
great inventive genius, and carpets
chairs, stair-rods, looking glasses, crock,
cry, brackets and rolling pins were SC
promiscuously piled in together that my
head swan.


"I'm hurrying it up" said my wifi
in joyful tone, as she waved her han(
at the painters, a scrub woman and {
carpenter who had been added to the
force.


l sat down on the teakettle and haC
supper served on the north end of 6
spring mattress, and when l broke 6
tooth on a glass agate concealed in bis
cult and didn't say word, Mrs. Quad
threw her arms about me and said she
might have married a man with light.
ming temper.


l felt fattered, and went in to encour-
age the whitewashers and painters. They
said if it didn't rain, or wasn't too hot, OF
too cold, and they kept in good health,
and other jobs didn't distract their atten-
ton, they'd finish up within week OF
two, and one Of them smashed vase
and another punched out a So pane Of
glass by way of emphasis. 1 had blue
paint on my coat tails, white on my ol
bows, and straw color on my knees wher
I got out, and bad boy yelled out
Here comes another Of them variegated
sunfowers !"


We didn't sleep much that night
Somehow or other, no matter how hon.
est man is, he can't rest very we'll on 6
straw bed on the floor, with stove covers
gliding around under his back, and tea.
spoons, potato mashers and pint basin!
feeling of his toes.


l dreamed that I was a pannel bed
stead on castors, and ! had bet of 81
with the parlor stove that could licl
the front bedroom bureau in just two
minutes, but before the "mill" came
off the spice can rolled down into my ear
and woke me up.


Next morning Small Plea, who was in
bounding spirits, essayed lunch of hall
pound of putty which the painters had
left sticking to bronze bust Of Demos
themes, and Long Primer sat down on
the butcher knife and got up bowling
but my wife said this was world of tri,
fling incidents, and aiectionately told me
to go off feeling happy.


Before ! got down town / found the
sugar spoon in my vest pocket, and @
towel hitched to my coat tail but l went
on.


AT noon there was an extra painter on
hand, and another scrubbing woman for
the stairs, and an orphan boy about thir-
ty-six years old had been hired to empty
the straw beds on the front steps and
tear out the pantry shelves. We have
not got through yet-in fact this is chap
ter l. There are eleven more chapters
to come, and tonight l am going to
sleep on the table, Small Plea in six
gallon jar, and the rest Of them on the
window sills, as the kitchen floor has
just been painted, and the paper-hangers
don't want the other rooms mussed up
until the paste dries and the paint sets.
LATER-MIDNIGHT.-I fell asleep and
dreamed that l was silver-plated six
bottle revolving castor, and that the
soup tureen called me liar. l went to
60 for him and awoke on the floor, with
my elbow in pan of -four and the meat
broiler wildly clutching me by the throat.
What the morrow will bring forth | don't
know.


A MIIWATKFE rqnOrfar nuts on his