Year: 1878

| Myra, IN her secluded and dreary lie, mac
fallen, among other ways of occupying her
solitary hours, upon the plan of keeping g
journal, to which she devoted most of the
time which she had at her own command
though this was not much, since she was gen
orally obliged to be busy, even when alone
with some allotted task The following are
specimens of some of the entries in this jour.
nal, after Helen's arrival at her uncles.


May 12th.-I have been sewing all the after.
noon, and my head aches, but 1 will write a
little before going to bed. would not 60
down in the parlor this evening, though uncle
wished me to. I was in no mood to join the
circle there, so made indisposition my ex'
cuse. Mr.. Lacy is there, as usual. Tresome
man he generally selects me as the object OF
his notice, suppose, because nobody else will
talk to him. I, of course, am expected to be
grateful for any attention may be honored
with, whether l am bored by it or not. Hell.
en- is noticed by everybody, except him. Odd
ly enough, he does not seem to care to offer
her the incense of his fattery and adulation.


This morning, aunt Augusta told me that
she had heard of situation which it is likely
l may obtain next Fall, if work hard in
the mean time 1t is that Of under-teacher
in school few miles out of the city. l
spoke of it afterwards to uncle, and he pooh
poohed the idea, and said it was one of my
aunt's whims, and there was time enough to
think about my getting situation. But l
know we'll enough that if she insists upon it he
will give up to her, and l don't care if be
does. 1 am so sick of my life here, that
would be willing to accept almost any position
out of this house, even that of under-teach.
er in village school. ....


Speaking of people being attentive to Hell
en-, I forgot one other exception to the rule,
and very important one. am filled with
malicious triumph, when see my aunt's cha
grin at the failure of her continual endeavor
to bring Allan and Helen together in the
role of lovers l have known, from the first,
her intense anxiety to get Helen's fortune for
her son, and believe she never ceases, night
or day, laying plans to bring that result about.
Notwithstanding her frequent betrayal, (unin-
territorial, of course,) of this anxiety, verify
believe that Helen is totally unconscious of
it, so far. That girl is wonderfully simple
and undiscerning / feel at least a million
years her senior. As to Allan, can't make
him out, exactly. My usual penetration is at
fault in regard to him. Sometimes, l believe
him to be really Indifferent to Helen. Some
times, think he pretends Indifference, simply
to irritate his mother or, it may be, because
he does not choose to have her arrange the
matter for him. If she pushes him too far,
she may defeat her own object. Helen does
not seem to concern herself at all about his
behavior. Of course, he is always courteous
to her. think his manners are perfect, and
she seems entirely satisfied. She is so quiet
and cool, that never can tell what she really
feels She is not as lively, by the way, as she
was at first. I mean, after she got over her
first home.sickness. I think the atmosphere
of this house weighs heavily upon her. I
know she is dying to get away. .


Allan is pointedly cold to me, but ! am too
-wvrr scrustoueu To rnar co care very nucn'
now. I used to half break my foolish heart
over it once, when had, somehow, got to
fancy that he-well, liked me-and found out
my mistake The idea of my ever allowing
myself to think about him ! 1t was absurd.
But such was tie case, in my bread-and but
ter days. Fortunately, am wiser now.


Just think if any one should read this !!
But my Journal won't tell any tales. | keep
it too safely under lock and key for that.


May 30th.-Last night everybody went to
the opera. Strangely enough, the "every-
body" this time included even me. l was
amazed when Aunt came to my room and
told me to get ready. Mr.. Lacy went with
US, and as usual was palmed off upon me for
entertainment. The opera was Faust 1t
was lovely, but I did not thoroughly enjoy it,
because was feeling ill. have had good
many spells of indisposition lately. l don't
seem to be very strong, somehow, for | lose
my breath if I walk fast, or lift anything
heavier than usual. PerhapsI 1 may be going
into decline; who knows2"


After writing that just now, [ went and
looked at myself in the 6 lass. Yes. l really
think my face has changed of late. | am
very thin, and my eyes seem to be going
back in my head. I fancy l was intended
by nature to be pretty. If was an heiress,
l would be, no doubt.


June 4th.-It vexes me 80 whenever | am
led into betraying to Aunt that am afraid
of her. am, and there's no denying it, but
I would give anything for the courage to de-.
fly her openly. l have no respect for myself,
because whatever spirit / may have been
once endowed with has been crushed out of
me utterly, and I tremble and cringe, in
stead of showing that l do not care. The
tyranny am subjected to becomes more and
more unbearable every day. Aunt is delight
ed to find opportunities of humiliating me
before others, and gave an instance of this
Yesterday at the lunch table. had dressed
hurriedly, being late, and went down without
re-arranging my hat, not expecting to fnd
any one present but the family. There were
two lady-visitors there, however, and in the
midst of lunch felt IT, my dismay that one
of my brads had come loose and was slip
ping out of the comb at the back of my head.
I put my hand up as quietly as | could, to
try and fasten it unperceived, and juat then
caught Aunt's eye. She looked directly at
me, stopped short in what she was saying,
and exclaimed in tone that attracted every
bodys notice


"Myra, are you not ashamed to come to
table ip such style? How often must re-
prove you for uutidy, slovenly habits am
perfectly ashamed Of your


felt my face grow scarlet, and one of the
ladies said, very good.naturedly-


"Miss Myra has such thick hair that it is
no wonder she does not find it easy to make
it stay up"


1T is not that" said my aunt. "She is
habitually careless and regardless of appear
ances. No one with the instincts of lady
would be so Indifferent to the dictates of COM
mon neatness and respectability."


would have left the room, if had had a


..;sle &C anirit hnt I sat there lonkinr no