Year: 1878




| did not marry for love. Very few people
do so in this respect am neither better nor
worse than my neighbor. No, / certainly
did not marry for love; believe | married
Mr. Cartwright simply because he asked me.
This was how it happened: He was the
rector of Devotion, and we lived at the manor
house, which was about 10 minutes walk
from the church and rectory. We had daily
service at Devotion, and l nearly always at
tended it, and it came to pass that Mr.. Cart
wright invariably walked home with me. 1t
was matter of custom now, and L thought
nothing of it.; 1t pleased him, and on the
whole 1t was rather pleasing to me also.


must confess, however, / was rather sur
prlsed when, one morning as we got to the
avenue which led to. the manor house, Mr..
Cartwright asked me to be his wife.


/ have never been able to find out why
SAID yes but did; perhaps / thought il
pity to throw away so much love- perhaps 1t
was because he was so terribly in earnest
that dared not refuse him; perhaps feared
his pale face and his low, pleading voice
would ever haunt me If | rejected his love;
or perhaps it was because he only asked me
to marry him-he did not ask me if 1 loved
him, for think be guessed l did not; per-
haps it was all these reasons put together,
but anyhow L said yes and in due time we
were married.


ought to have been very happy, for he
was a most devoted husband, but was not.
and though did not notice it then, know
now that for the first SIX months after our
marriage he was not happy either.


1t was all my fault either would not or
could not love him; | accepted all his devO.
ton to me as a matter of course, but made
no effort TO return it; and am sure he had
found out that he made mistake in marry
ing q woman who did not love him.


One morning. about six months after our
marriage, he told me at breakfast that he in
IL l. H. Co. Noww @rrI-r -
stay with his mother who was not very we'll.
He watched the effect of this announcement
on me. l concealed my annoyance, and
aeked carelessly when he would start.


He replied, the next day, if had no OBJ
lection, aud so il was settled


He was more affsctiOnale than usual that
day and was colder than ever; only once
alluded 10 his journey, and that was to ask
him il / might have my sister Maud 10 stay
while he was gone.


The next morning 1 was anxious to avoid
a formal parting, so l drove to the station
with him. AS the train moved off | remem-
bered this was our first parting since our
cold


When got home the house looked so
dreary and empty, and there was no one to
meet me; presently one OF the servants came
for the shawls, and with her Nero, Mr.. Cart
wright's retriever, who, when he saw l was
u
him and tried to comfort him, feeling re-
buked at his grief ss he followed me, whin-
ing into the house. Every room seemed
empty, and each spoke of the absent master.
At last wandered iuto his study, where he
spent his mornings and liked me to sit and
work; and now / remembered how often /
had excused myself, saying | preferred the
drawing room, and this reflection did not
add to my happiness.


There was a photograph of me standing on
his writing-table, and another on the Chin
ney-piece; on the walls hung two or three of
my drawings, which he had begged of me
when we were engaged; indeed, the room
was full of little Iemembrances of me; |
opened book / bad gwen him, and in it
was his name in my hand writing, and un-
derneath in his own, From my darling
wife" / laid it down with a sigh, as
| thought how csrfully he treasured every
thing bad ever gwen him, and how little
care took OF all his gifts to me.


Every thing 1 attempted, everything /
looked at, reminded me of his goodness to
me and OF my coldne.s and ingratitude to
him At last 1 went to bed, where, after
working myself into a fever of anxiety lest
he should not have reached the end of his
journey in safety. at length cried myself to
sleep.


The next morning went down to break
fast with heavy heart, for knew | could
not hear from him till the next day; II
seemed so strange to breakfast alone, and
Nero appeared to think so,. iOo for be was
most unhappy. smiling round his master S
chair in the most me 'ancholy manher.
My plate, for the first time since my mar
risge was empty as / sat down TO breakfast;
for my husband, who was an early riser
always had little bouquet to greet me with
every morning Frequsntly | forgot all
about il, and left it to be put into water by
the servant This morning / would have
froo rn0 10 ho had rofh h.
! cred it,


After breakfast determined to rouse my
| self and go and visit some Of the poor people
In the village, so filled my basket with some
little delicacies for the sick and set out


Wherever / went it was the same story; all
held forth on my husbands goodness and
Kindness, for all had been helped by him In
some way other, and all loved and
fpected him. As / listened with burning
cheeks felt as II was the only person on
earth who had treated him with cruel in
nFatitude, and was the very person whom
le most loved aud cherished.


AT last went home, tired and sick at
hesrt; but there was no one to notice 1 was
pale and worn out, no one to get me wine
0r soup TO revive me, no one to make me lie
iown and rest, as he would have done had
he been there. Oh, how / missed him
What fool / had beenl Was there ever
woman loved and cared for as / bad been
Was there ever friend 80 ungrateful? Oh
why had ever let him leave me7 / was
sure he would never come back. Why had
he gone away?


And conscience answered, "You drove
him. He gave you all he had to give, and
q return you gave him nothing but cold
ooks and unkInd words; and so he left
'ou 10 seek love and sympathy from his
mother.r


This thought almost maddened me. In
fancy saw her sitting in my place by hi.
ide, loving and caressing him. / pictured
her receiving tenderly the little loving acts


had received so coldly, and now was
eizAd with jealous anger against her.
nentslly accused her OF estranging my hus
and from me, and trying 10 win his love
fom me, as though his heart was not large
enough for both OF us.