Year: 1874

absolutely foreign to her nature and yet she had stated
to her husband those strange and awful falsehoods
she had not when daily called and prayed with her
given me the slightest hint will not OF such accu-
sations but that there any serious family df-
hculty. She had suddenly In December called me ana
my wife to a consultation TO possible separation from
her husband still leaving me ignorant that she had put
into his hands such weapon against me. l was be-
wdered with double consciousness of sanity woman
communicating very needless treachery 70 her friend
and pastor. Ny distress bOundless. did not Tor
moment feel howcveTsthat she was blameworthy, as
would ordinarily be thought but supposed that she had
been Overborne by sickness and shattered In NINA
until scarcely knew what she do ana was no longer
responsible for her acts My soul went out 10 her In
pity. blamed myself for want OF prudence and fore
sight for thought that all this had been the result Of
her undue affection for me. had profound feeling
that would bear any blame and take any punishment


that poor child could only emerge from this cloud and
be put back into the happiness from wlch had Deen
as 1 thought, il not the cause yet the
occasion Of withdrawing her II my own
daughter had been in similar case. my grief at her
calamity could scarcely have been greater. Moreover
from the anger and fury OF Mr. Tlton, apprehended
that this charge was made by him and, supported by
the accusation OF his wife, TO be at once publicly
pressed against me and If it was had nothing Dut
simple word Of denial TO interpOse against IT. In my
then morbid condition OF mind, thought that this
charge although entirely untrue might result In great
disaster absolute ruin. the great interests
which were entirely dependent on me, the church
which / had built up. the book which
was writing my own immediate family, my brothers
name, now engaged in the ministry, my sisters, the
which had hoped might live after me and be ID
some slight degree source OF strength ana encourage
meu TO those should succeed and above all the
cause for which | had devoted my life, seemed i'm
periled It seemed to mo that my lework was to end


ffu. ira IN ll1 n
public accusation and the evils which must necessarily
flow from il and which now have resulted from II, has
been one OF the lea ling motives that must explain my
action during these four years with reference to this
matter.


THE APOLOGY.


II was in such ana distressing condition that
Mr. Moulton found me. HIS manner was kind and con-
ciliatOry he seemed, however TO be convinced that
mad been seeking Tton's downfall. that
had lcagued with Mr. Bowen against him. and that had
by my advice came near destroying ms family. / did
not need any argument persuasion TO induce me 10
do and say anything which would remedy the injury Of
which then believed lad certainly been the occasion
If not the active cause. But Mr. MOuton urged that
having wronged so. the wrong meant his means Of
support suddenly taken away, his reputation gone his
family destroyed and that had done II. He assured
me Of ha own knowledge that the stories which |
mad heard OF Mr.. TlOu's impurities OF life,
and which had believed and repeated 10 MIR. Bowen,
we're all false, and that Mr.. Tton had always been
faithful to his WIFE persuaded into the belief Of
what he said and felt convicted Of sauder in its mean
He drew tue picture of Mr.. Tilton wr"ngcd
IN reputation in position, wrDnsed in purse, shattered
In his family where he would otherwise have found
refuge and at the same time looking upon Inc out OF
his deep distress while I, abOunding in friends, most
popular and with ample means, he drew that picture
my prosperity Ovel1owing and aDOunding and Iiltons
utter dcgradation-I most intensely excited in
7 fa1f II, mi nd was n
way; 1 walked up and down the room
pouring forth my heart in tho most unre-
strained grief and bitterness OF self-accusation,
telling what my ideas were of obligation of friend
ship and OF the sacredness OF the household denying
however an intentional wrong seeing that II had been
the cause, however remotely, OF that winch L then
behed never could forgive myself, and heapng all
the blame on my own head. The case, it then ap-
pcared TO my eyes, strongly against me. Ny old
felow-wOrker had been dispOs.es-ed OF his eminent
place and influence and had counseled it. His family
had well nigh been broken up, aud had advised IT, mis-
wife bad been long sick and broken in health and
body, and /. as 1 fully believed it, had been
the cause OF all this wreck, by continu-
ing that blind heelessness and friendship
which had begued her heart and had reused her nus
band into fury OF jealousy, although not caused Oy
any intentional OF mine And should coldly defend
myself Should pour Indignation upon this lady
should hold up to contempt as having thrust her





man ana his household in their great adversityf gave
vent to my feelings wi: uu dlscaimed with
the greatest earnesness all intent TO harm Theodore In
his home or his business. and with inexplcaDIe sorrow
both blamed and defended Mrs. Tilton IN one breath.


Mr. Mouton was apparently affected by my soiloquy,
for it was that, rather than conversation lie sald
that if Mr.. TltOn could really be persuaded OF the
frendliness OF my feelings towards him, he was sure
that there would be trouble in procuring recon
cliatiou 7 gave him leave 10 state to Theodore my
feelings He proposed that l should write letter


declined, but said that he could report our interview
He then prepared TO make a memorandum OF the
talk and sat down at my table, and took down.
as I supposed, a condensed report of my talk;
for went still pouring ont my wounded feelings
over this great desolaton in Mr.. TitOn's family. IL
was not dictaton OF sentence after sentence, he
mere amanuensis, and composing for him. Mr.. Moul-
ton was putting into his shape parts of that which
l was saying in my manner with prOfuse explana-
tons This paper of Mr. Moulton's was a mere memo
randum of points to be by him in setting forth
feelings. That IL contains matter and points derived
from me is without doubt but they put into sen
fences by him, and expressed he understood them
not as words, but hints of my figures and letters
to be used by him in conversing with Mr. Illton.


NOT MIR. BEECHERs APOLOGY.


Tie did not read the paper to me did read IT,
have ever seen it heard 1t read that remember
until the publication of Mr.. Tton's recent documents
and now reading it, see in it thoughts that point TO the
matter OF my discourse bnt 1t s not my paper
those my sentences, is it correct report of what
said 1T q mere string Of hints hastily made by
unpractced writer helps to his memory In represent
ing to Mr. Tilton how felt toward his family II more
than this be camedif be set forth as III any proper
since my letter. then dsown 1T and denounce 1t. Some
of ITS sentences. and particularly that In which am
made to say that had obtained Mrs. Ton's forgiven
ness never could have said. in substance. had
not obtained nor asked any forgiveness from her. and
nobody pretended that had done Neither could
ever have said that humbled myself before Tton as
before God-e1cept in the sense that both TO
God and to the man / thought I had
deeply injured. I ,humbled myself, 1 certainly