Year: 1879




because the idea is haunting me"
he said in an agitated tone, raising from
HE chair as he spoke. II have lain
for two nights with cooked pistol IN
! my hand, calculating the value OF my
life. l bought this pistol to shoot my
self with, and wonder that l have not
done it; but something has held me
back"


"What has put the idea OF suicide
into your mind?" inquired.


"My life's failure, sir; and there is
nothing else left for such fool as l
have bren," he said. bitterly. "When
man has no hope left he should die"
was making some reply, when he
broke in:


"Hear my history, and then tell me
il death is not the only thing left for
me-" laying his hand upon the pistol
rs he spoke.


When he told me his name recog-



nized it as that of man OF genius.
whose contributions to a certain popu>
lar periodical had given him a wide
fame in the world OF letters. He was
the son OF venerable New England
bishop, and graduate of Harvard
University. I will give his story in his
own words, as nearly as / can:


"In 1850 started to California with
honorable purpose and high ambition
My father being clergyman, and poor,
and greatly advanced in year 1 felt
that it vas my duty to make provision
for him and for the family circle to
which belonged and of which l was
the idol. Animated by this purpose,
was full of hope ana energy. On the
ship that took me to California I made
the acquaintance and fell into the
snares of beautiful but unprincipled
woman, for whom I toiled and sacrifice
ed everything for eight years OF weak
ness and folly, never remitting dollar
to those 1 had intended to provide for
at home, carrying all the while an
uneasy conscience and despising my
self. I made immense sums of money
but it all went for nothing but to feed
the extravaganza and recklessness OF
my evil genius. Tortured by remorse,
made many struggles to free myself
from the evil connections that blighted
my life, but in vain. L had almost
ceased to struggle against my fate,
when death lifted the shadow from my
path. The unhappy woman died, and
was free. I was astonished to find
how rapid and how complete was the
reaction frnm my das:Ssir. felt like q
new man The glowing hopes that
had been smothered revived. and l felt
something of bouyancy, and energy
with which T had left my New England
hills. 1 worked hard and prospered. l
made money and sayad it. making oc
casonal remittances to the family at
home, who were overioyed to hear from
me after 30 long and guilty silence. l
hadn't the heart to write to them while
pursuing my evil life.


II had learned to g ,mble. Of course,
but now I resolved to quitIt For two
years kept this resolution, and had in
the meantime saved over 5000. Do
you believe that the devil tempts men?
1 tell you, sir. it is truel l began TO
feel n strange desire to visit some OF
my old hannts. This feeling became
intense; overmastering. My judgment
and conscience protested, but l felt
like one under spell. I yielded, and
found nv way to we'll known gamb-
ling hell, where lost every dollar OF
my money. 1t was like dream-I
seemed to be drawn on to my ruin by
some invisible but resistless power.
When had lost all, a strange calm came
over me, which had never understood.
It may have been the reaction, after
night of feverish excitement, or possi-
bly it was the unnatural cafm that fol-
lows the death Of hope. Myself con-
tempt was complete. No language
could have expressed the intensity Of
my self>scorn. 1 sneaked to my lodg-
ings feeling that I had parted with my
manhood as we'll as my money.


"The very next day was surprised


by the offer of lucrative subordinate
position in a Federal Office in San
Francisco. This was not the first co..
incidence of this sort in my life, where
an unexpected influence had been


brought to bear upon me, giving my
plans and prospect new direction.
Has God anything to do with these
things, or is it accident? l. took the
place which was offered me. ard weD'
to work with renewed hope 49,. energy.


I make q vow against gambling, and
determined to recover all had thrown


away. I saved every dollar possible,
pinching myself in my living, and sup.


plementlng my liberal salary by liter
ary labors. My savings had again run
high up in the thousands and my gains
were steady. The Frazer river mining
excitement broke out. An old friend
of mine came to me and asked the loan
of hundred dollars to help him off to


the new mines. I told him he should
have the money, and that I would have il
ready for him that afternoon. After he
left the thought occurred to me that
800 was very poor outfit for such ar
enterprise, and that he ought to have
! more. Then the thought was suggest
ed-yes, sir, it was suggested-that
; might take the hundred dollars to
II faro bank and win another hundred tc
, place in the hands of my friend.


was fully resolved to rick not cent be-
yond this The idea took possession O
! my mind, and when he came for the
L ,>yo nd