Year: 1874

FLIRTS AND FILTRATION.


GO But am afraid she is a great firt. >
" Yes but not half as bad as he is. "
These two remarks I could not help
overhearing the other day in the crow, "
and q very strong desire came over me
to politely accost the authOrs-tWO
nice-loOking, gentlemanly persons-and
ask them if they would kindly favor
me with a definition of the word "hirt.
I do not believe that there is any word
in the English language which has a
less distinct meaning and conveys such
different impressions to different
minds. You sit next to a lively and
amusing young lady at dinner, and
find that her conversational powers, if
not vastly intellectual, are at all events
quick, and as there is a considerable
freshness and some amount of origin
ality in her remarks, you talk the whole
of dinner time, and are not unwilling
to renew the conversation when you
meet in the drawing-rOom afterwards.
After yO1r fair young friend, to whom
perhaps you are principally indebted
for having spent a very pleasant even
ing, has been carried home by her
mamma, you casually remark to your
hostess, How very agreeable Miss
Dash is. WhereUpon madam reioins,
"Oh yes, she is very vivacious, but l
fear she is a sad firt." Anything but
sad," you said to yourself: ''but how,
firt? In what way does that indefin-
able word apply to the charming Miss
Dash ?" You recollect that at ball two
or three nights ago you were introduced
to Miss Blank, and your friend who in
troduced you warned you previously
that she was an awful hirt, you
know" Well, you find that Miss Blank
had a way of leaning very heavily on
your arm, looking up dreamily into
your eyes before she answered the most
commonplace remark, and holding your
hand with almost masculine grasp when
waltzing or, should you be the sharer
of her tolls through the Lancers, you
discovered that she had a habit of
greeting you with a smile and a shake
of the hand whenever you met her in
the last figure of that may dance.
Her conversational powers you soon be-
come aware, were limited. She ap-
peared to think it to be her meek duty
to hang upon :, our words with fasci-
mating gaze-if I may use such an ex-
pression-and to look as if she invested
every trihing remark you made with a
sublime dignity far beyond the occasion.
True, she never seemed in a hurry to
be taken to her chaperOTle, and pos
sessed wonderful faculties for imbibing
tea and lounging in a quiet corner till
her next partner discovered her, and if
she was not engaged for the next dance
she evidently expected you to "sit it
out with her. But her behavior has
not assisted you towards the informa-
tion you thirst for as to the meaning of
the term &c firt, " for, as far as you can
divine her character, prOverbialiy gal
liant as you are, you cannot resist the
impression that in Miss Blanks case
hirt is only another word for bore,
and hirt is certainly the prettier ex
prerssion of the two. On another occa-
sion-say at a picnic or in a grand stand
you find yourself next to Mrs. Three
stars, who is apparently eight and
twenty, or thereabOuts, and who has, to
your knowledge, four or five charming
children (supposing, of course, that
you allow that child en- ever can be
charming), and whose lively rattle and
raceful manners compel you to con-
fess as you dress for dinner that you
have really passed a much more pleas
ant day than you had anticipated. In
the course of dinner, while you are
silently wishing that Mrs. Threestars
were sitting beside you instead of the
inane beauty or dull old dowager to
whom the exigencies Of "going down
to dinner" have allotted you, you hear
the name of the lady you are thinking
of mentioned. Somebody-some kind
soul who never would say an unkind
word, except from a sheer sense of
dUty-iustantly remarks: "Oh, yes
she is very nice, but I am afraid she is
dreadful firt." Again that incompre-
hensib1e word. It seem to be like the
rain which falls upon the Just and the
unjust. The notion of Mrs. Threestars
and Miss Blank being joined in the
same category. What can it all mean
You turn to the dowager by your side
and say:


"Do You know Mrs. Threestars, Mrs.
Propper?'


Mrs. Proper Canning herself)-''I
am acquainted with her, yes"


You have met her. She seems
to me to be very entertaining.


Mrs. Proper believe she is a
great favorite with gentlemen.


You" Not with ladies %


Mrs. Pepper Well, you see, there
are certain men whom you call dispar-
agingly ladies' men and so I suppose
there are ladies who are-who are"


You-(savagely determining not to
help her out)-''Who are what ?"


Mrs. Proper" Don't you under
stand? Well-more at home In mems
society than in women's."


You-"Ah And is that the meaning
of the word firt which I heard Just
now applied to our friend Mrs. Three
stars ?'


Mrs. Propper Perhaps it is.
You Then we men ought to feel
deeply indebted to firts, and highly
honored by their preference. sincere
" hope that you are firt, Mrs. Prop
pei"


You say this with an innocent lool
and genial laugh, and Mrs, Proper
| so far from regarding you as an impru