Year: 1878

aNhuAMubAos


Easton Free Press


A woman should never under
take to stand on a chair. On horse
back, or on a five rail fence, she
may look attractive, romantic, even
statuesque; but a short woman
standing on a chair reaching out
for the unattainable that is Just
two inches beyond her finger-tips
is a pitiable failure without sympa-
thy or extenuating circumstances.
Why women will risk their lives on
chairs, when Step-ladders are so
cheap and clothes horses are so
practicable, is one of the mysteries
that have no solution except in fe-
male perversity. All science and
endless statistics go to prove that
of the women who thus wautonly
mount unofending chairs, ,sixty-five
per cent. fall off and skin their
elbows, beside areumulating bumps
and bruises Of more remote and un-
obtrusive location. 1t is unpleas-
antly sad to reflect that sixty.fve


per cent. of the fair contrariness OF
the land is suffering from damaged
elbows and unacknowledged black
and blue rewards of demerit, re-
ceived in an ill-advised devotion to
a hopelessly futile idiosyncracy.


We are led to these remarks after
looking at the top of Henry Archi-
bald's head this morning. The
ArchibaldS are possessed Of re-
frigerator, standing in the out
kitchen alongside of a particularly
unattainable cupboard. Last night
Henry brought home a roll of but
ter, which Mrs. Archibald put in
the refrigerator, leaving the lid Of
the receptacle up. Then she Sc
lected a chair, which, though some-
what an invalid, had never mani
tested traits Of eminent wickedness,
and mounted it to reach the cup
board. Henry feebly demonstrated
as he held the basket, waiting, man
like, for somebody to take it from
him and hand it up.


You'd better look out, ole wo-
man that chair'll throw you quick
er nor a wink"


"Shut up, looney," and Mrs. A.
stood up on her toes, reaching out
painfully.


"Drat the thing, somebody al
ways has to shove things away back
in this cupboard so nobody can
never find 'em"-and she gave
little Jump. 1t was only little
jump, for women weighing 207 in |
the stocking feet don't jump to any
serious extent; but it was enough. |
The chair, of course, embraced that |
opportunity TO lean over on one
side, and when she came down it
pitched her gracefully into the re-
frigerator. She made an insane
grab at the top of Henry's head, !
but her hand slipped off its polished
surface hopelessly, and as she
doubled up in the middle like a
jack-knife with the cramp, her toe
hit Henry under the chin and drove
the only lower tooth he had left
into the upper gum. The racks of
the refrigerator went down before
her and the roll of butter, lately So
plump and harder than the neither
milestone, was spread out on the
bottom Aatter than a wormed.oyer
Fourth of July address, She kicked
aud struggled with a pitiable help
lepsness that made Henry laugh
one wild hysterical shrek as ho
upset her prison and rolled her out.
OF course her elbow was skinned,
and she had doubtless acquired
more than tho usual namber Of un.
acknowledged coptusions, but this
did not prevent her from prompt
y springing to her feet and cut
ting a complicated geometrical
problem on Henry's head with the
largest fragment she onuld lind Of
Lhe butter plate,


This morning Henry was at the
drug store after q fresh bottle of
lrnica, and admitted that he had
luFt his head In q little difficulty
ne had with vicious sawbuck he