Year: 1879

Jnat man being last stands AT the
head of creation. This is a mis-
take, woman was made last. and is
therefore the masterpiece. But man
is very near To her, nearer than
is agreeable when his breath smells
of whisky and tobacco TO a degree
that musk, cloves and the balm OF a
thousand flowers can not mitigate.


Man being one Oegree nearer thr
sponge than woman, is more apt 10
sponge for a living. Being made
of earth he has a tendency to run
things into the ground. He is well
adapted to farming, especially to
raising cain. lie can raise more
corn on his toes than his sweet
heart can On large garden patch.
He will talk any woman TO sleep
when insisting that she will have
the last word. He sometimes en-
phasizes his language with his boot
and sometimes with shooting irons.
Man is a necessary evil, and woman
must make the best of il. Man is
sometimes what woman makes him; (;
sometimes, though very seldom, he
is what the Lord makes him; some
times, and very often, he is what
the devil makes him. He can look
so innocent that the girls all want
to kiss him for his mother; and so
wise that they can hardly believe
his mother was q woman.


Adam was u model man. 1t is a
great pity he never had his photo
graph taken so that the question
whether he wore burnsides or mus.
Jache and goatee might be settled
forever.


1t was Adams business TO see 10
things out of doors. He ought TO
have watched for snakes and KILLED
the first one that came. But he
didn't. 1t probably took nearly all
his time to tell Eve what a woman
ought to be and do. His absence
in time of danger is unaccountable
when there was no caucus, conven-
tion or club meeting within visiting
distance. But he came up in time
to eat, and turn States evidence.


Man loves law better than order.
He would rather make law than
keep it. He would rather go TO
Congress than to Heaven. He
don't want TO go to any place where
he can't be ''boss." The world is
the best place for him, but it don't
altogether suit him. He thinks
Heaven belongs to him, and he nev
er labors so diligently as when try
ing to put a hedge around it.


Alexander Pope once wrote an
essay on man and the subject is not
yet exhausted. Man is still able to
do the family swearing. He is a
success as a bachelor, and as a wId
over he is a successor.


AS a whole he Is worth about five
cents dozen to any woman who is
able to take care of him.


ESSAY ON WOMAN.


After man came woman. And
she has been after him ever since
She is a person of noble extraction.
being made OF mans rib. / don't
know why Adam aated 10 fool
away his ribs in that manner, but
1 suppose he was not accountable
for all he did.


Woman is not an amphibious an
imal, but she seems to know a good
deal about the peculiar merits of
water, and breaches them TO her
husband whenever she smells some
thing stronger than water on his
breath.


1t costs more to keep a woman
than three dogs and a shot gun
But she pays you back wi h inter
est-by giving you a house full OF
children to keep you awake at
night and smear molasses candy |
on your Sunday coat. Besides, a |
wife is a very convenient article to
have about the house. She is so
handy to swear at whenever you
cut yourself with the razor, and |
don't feel like blaming yourself


Woman is the superior being in
Massachusetts. There being about
sixty thousand more of her sex
than males in that State. This ac.
counts for the terrified, hunted
down expression OF the single men
who emigrate from the East.


Woman was not created perfect.
She has her faults-such as false
hair, false teeth, false color and so
on. But she is a good deal better
than her neighbor, as she knows.


Eve was a woman. She must
have been model wife, too, for it
cost Adam nothing TO keep her in
clothes. Still, / don't think she
was happy. She couldn't go TO
sewing circles and air her informa
lion about everybody she knew,
nor excite envy Of other ladies by
wearing her new spring bonnet 10
church. Neither could she hang
over the back fence and gossip with
her neighbor. All these blessed
we're denied her. Poor
Eve she is dead now. And the
ashton she inaugurated is dead,
llso.


Woman is endowed with a tre-
nendous fund Of knowledge, and a
ongue TO suit. She has the capaci
y for learning everything she was
livinely int ended 10 know. and a
ew extra items besides.


Young ladie take a good deal Of
took in classics and learn fast
When you see a young lady stu
lent, vita an absorbed look in her !
ye, and her lips rapidly moving,
'ou understand at once that she is
a passage from Virgil
Sut perhaps a closer Inspection will
eveal the fact that she is only /,
hewing gum.
A woman may not be able 10
harpen a lead pencil, or hold an
Umbrella, but she can pack more !
rticles in a trunk than n man can
,ack in a two-horse wagon.
The happiest period Of a wo i
mans life is when she is making
er wedding garments. The sad
est Is when her husband comes
ONE late at night, and yells 70 her !,
rom the door steps TO throw him :
ut handful Of keyholes OF differ Z
ut sizes. .
There are some real curiosities in e
sminine nature. For instance, i y