smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1878

Dean Swift, while on a journey, and
stopping at a tavern, desired his ser
want JOhn-who, by the way, was as
eccentric as his master-tO bring him
his boots. John brought up his boots
in the same state as they were in the
evening previous. "Why didn't you
polish my boots?" said the Dean
There's no use in polishing them, "
said the man, ''for they would soon be
dirty again" VERY true" said the
Dean, and ne put Oh the boots. Imme-
diately after he went down to the land
lady, and told her on no account to
give his servant any breakfast. The
Dean breakfasted, and then ordered his
horse out. AS he was ready to star
John ran to him and said: ''NIr. Dean,
haven't got my breakfast yet" 30"
replied the witty divine, there's no
use in your breakfasting, for you would
soon be hungry again" John, finding
his theory thrown back on himself,
submitted to the PTiYatiOn with the
same stOicism as did his master with
the boots. On they rode, the Dean in
front, reading his pfayer-bOOk, and The
man behind at respectful distance,
when they were met 10y gentleman,
who, after cycling the Dean very close
Iy, accOsted the servant with: Il say,
my man, you and your master seem to
be a sober pair; may ask who you are,
and where you are gOing?" We are
going to heaven" said John, my mas
ter is praying and am fasting" The
gentleman looked again in wOnierment
at the master and man and rode off.
Year: 1878

"a Grill Well, 1 should say you
were, " said the Judge. You must be
full of grit to marry. What do you ex-
pect to do these hard times with large
family coming on, a hard winter before
you, labor scarce and money scarceP
How much money have you got to in
vest in this business?"


"Only one dollar, sir" said the young
man, pulling out two halves.


Lord bless me, they look as big as
cart wheels. Square round. Here, you
fellow, get on the other side, elevate
your heads, hold up your right hands,
look me straight in the eye and be
sworn"


''Do you solemnly swear in the pres
ence of this assemblage and the Free
Press reporter that you will live togeth-
er as long as you do live, die together
when the time comes, love, protect,
cherish and respect; that you, young
lady, will try and support that young
man, mend his shirts, darn his stock
ings, look upon your husband as the
best-lOOking man in the country, let
him monopolize all the grit about the
house when he's at home, and run the
house when he's away; and you, young
man, will never get to fOOling around
With anybody else's wife, or play sweet
with any one else; that you denOunce
fraud and corruption, that you will not
accept any Office you are not elected to,
run for a justice of the peace, Or COM
promise your rights as an American
citizen if you should ever become one.
All of which you sOlemnly swear"


kiss the book, sir. I'll kiss the
bride. Launch out the halves. Good
ness, they are larger than cart-wheels.
Good day, sir. A long life-happiness
twins. Call again. Send your cOu-
sins, or any one else. Farewell"


The couple backed out of the door
after upsetting the spittoons, knocking
the compiled laws from the table, and
overthrowing two or three chairs.


Another man made miserable, "
cried the Judge, and commenced writ
ing on a writ of reDleVin.
Year: 1878

An English writer says: The mar


veIous delfcacy of touch possessed by


the Indian woman cOunteTbalances the


inferiority of Indian cotton in weaving


the fine and delicate muslins to which
the names Of 'webs of woven ali. "
dew Of night, " running waters, y etc.,
are given by the natives. They now
use the spinning wheel generally for
the ordinary fabrics, but the spindle


still holds its place in the hands Of the


HindOO woman when employed in
spinning thread for the finer muslins.
For these the UindOO woman first
cards her cotton with the jaw-bOne of
the bOalee fish; she then separates the
seeds by means of a small iron roller,
worked backwards and forwards upon
a fiat board. An equally small bow is


used for bringing it to the state Of a
downy fleece, which is made up into
small rolls, to be held in the hand dur
ing the process Of spinning. The ap-
paratus required for this consists Of a
delicate iron spindle, having a small
bali of clay attached to it in order to
give it sufficient weight in turning, and
Imbedded in little clay is a piece Of


hard shell, on which the spindle turns
with the least degree of friction. Very
great attention is paid to the tempera-
/ |ture of the air during the process OF
spinning, and the spmueTs in tie dry
climate Of the northwest of India actu-
dIly work underground in order to Sc
cure a moist and uniform atmosphere,
Year: 1878

1t often happens these days, when
the car-Iights are lit early, that many
of the passengers strive to occupy the
time ridiAg to their homes in reading
the evening newspapers. 1t happens,
too, quite frequently that, thought
lessly no doubt, those who do not care
for reading seem TO care quite as little
for the convenience or comfort Of
those who do, and by the positions in
which they hold their heads, shut out
the faint light from the readers, when
a little attention to ordinary ciyility
would enable them to just as readily
take their heads out of the light Such
courtesy costs nothing, and though the
action be so slight as to be unnOticed,
it may prove quite comfort to the
man sitting beside you, and save him
from some unkind thoughts Of you
which he would hardly care to whisper
into your ear, or to which you would
care to listen. 1t is good rule to go
through this world with, to take your
ledQ out Ol Jl6 llBHG NACAlC'S "a } - LIN
| it casting a shadow over the comfort Of
anyone else, and especially when it
can be of no manner Of service to you
personally to do so.


Every day brings many opportunities
for a man to take his head out Of the
Hght' in business, social, or domestic
life. 1t simply consists in watching


for the chances Of doing unto others


what you would have others do unto
YOU. It is one of thousands of little
| things that 60 TO make up the comforts
and amenities of life. You may exercise
| it if you will fifty times day, and the
oftener you practice it the more you


will ind ''it dOeth good like medi-


cine" And so we end this homiIy to


each of our readers by saving as we


began 'take your head out Of the
| light"
Year: 1878

One by one, says the Ddiryman, the
ieOnOclast smashes our idols. William
Tell and PocahOntas are gone, and now
the cream guage, as a test Of the rich
ness Of milk for butter, is cracked. It
is found that the percentage Of cream
by no means indicates the percentage
of butter. The smaller percentage Of
cream may yield the larger percentage
Of butter. The Churn must be actually
brought into requisitiOn to determine
the amount Of butter. We must come
down to practical work, and judge no
thing by theory or superficial appear
ances, however hOary with prejudice or
superstition. Don't buy or sell your
COWS by the cream guage. Bring every
test right down to the churn. This
henceforth must be the Ultimatum.
Year: 1878

A few weeks ago two travellers, who
were breakfasting in an inn at Little
CoureeIles, near Paris, called for a bot
tie of wine, and the innkeeper sent d
servant into the cellar to fetch it. Al
ter waiting a long time for the girl to
return, the hOusekeeper went down
stairs to find out what was the matter.
She likewise failed to return with the
wine, and as the travellers were now
impatient, the innkesper himself made
the descent into the cellar, but was not
seen again. One of the travellers rose
from the breakfast table in alarm, and
ran down cellar to ascertain what had
happened, and his companion waited
N vain for his temperance. There
vas now only one man in the tavern,
and he was too wise to vanish from the
scene so abruptly as the rest had done.
He ran into the street and called in the
neighbOrs. One of these, a physician,
ventured as far as the door Of the eel
lar, and pushed it open so as to give
egress to the nOxiOus gases imprisoned
there. After the cellar had been pa--
TALLY ventilated the neighbOrs found on
the floor the bodies of the four persons
who had disappeared SO mysteriOusly.
Three of them were restored to con-
sciOusness, but the girl, who had led
the way, died. On the previous even
ing the innkeeper had left vat Of must
in the cellar, and the carbOnic acid gas
emitted from the fermeHting liquid had
poisoned the air.
Year: 1878

In the following advice, which We
find in an exchange, we think the
writer considerably strains his point,
and yet there are suggestions which
few can ponder without profit:


If you want to be happy, never ask a
favor. Give as many as you can, and
if any are freely offered, it is not nee
essary to be too proud to take them;
but never ask for or stand waiting for
any. Who ever asked a favor at the
right time? To be refused is a wOeful
stab to ones pride. 1t is even worse
than to have a favor granted hesitating-
ly. We suppose that out Of a hundred
who petition for the least thing-if it be
even an hogr Of time-ninety-nine wish,
with burning cheeks and aching hearts,
they had not done so. Don't ask IA
vors Of your nearest friend. Do every
thing fOr yourself until you drop, and
then if anyone picks you uB, let it De Of
his own free choice, not from any grOan
you utter. But while you can stand, BEL a
soldier. atyOur own crust, rather than
feast OF another's dainty meals; drink
cold water rather than anOther's wine.
The world is full Of people asking IA
yOrs, and people tire Of granting them.
Love or tenderness should never be
put aside, when its fun hands are
stretched towards you; but as few love,
so few are tender; a favor asked is apt
to be a milestone around your neck,
even if you gain the thing you want by
the asking. As you cast your bread on
the water, and it returns, so viii the
favor you ask, if unwillingly granted,
come back to you when you least expect
or desire. Favors conceded upon so
licitatiOn are never repaid. They are
more costly in the end than overdue
usHrers' bills"
Year: 1878

OId Salmon to Mrs. SalmOn-''I say,
Maria jane, I don't like the look Of
things. This stocking all the rivers
with our tribe may seem well enough
to the superficial observer; but I never
knew these human beings to do any
thing unless there was some profit in
it. Suppose you and ! agree to raise no
fnmily this year"
Year: 1878

Would you have influence with those
who look to you for guidance and in
struction? Bear with you tIe law of
kindness. Would you command their
respect? Let your words, though they
may inhict pain for the time, drop
kindly from your lips
Year: 1878

In Allegheny, Pa, there is a novel
way Of demOIalizing the youth of the
country. A variety show takes a bar
of soap in place of the price Of admis-
sion; and a number Of boys, anxious to
see the exhibition, have been detected
in stealing soap from groceries.
Year: 1878

What sad lack Of realizing power
was shown by that culprit who, COM
ing out on the scaffOld where he was
to prefOrm bislast earthly part, found
it was raining, and asked the sheriff
% lend him an umbrella, "lest he
should catch cold from the damp.
Year: 1878

The average time required for a fin
ger-nail to atlantis full length (frOm
the root to the commencement Of the
free edge) is about four and a half
calender months. The tOe-nails grow
much more slowly.
Year: 1878

ROBT VESTAL
Has now in StOrP,152
Gay street, one of the
largest stocks i'm the
city at prices that
defy competition. 4
have this day put
them down to such
prices as will induce
you to buy if yOuWill
come and examine
the following:
Year: 1878

A woman went into a barber shop on
G street, some weeks ago, and wanted to
know how much it would cost to dye a
mans hair and mustacbe. The price
was named, and she then asked the bar
Der to get his dye and follow her.


"Why can't the man come here Z"
asked the barber. s


"He's dead" replied the woman,
and the last thing he said when,
he was passing away was: Sally
fix me up pretty for the funeral His
hair curled beautiful, but was a little
gray. 1t don't look we'll to see woman
crying around coffin with an old gray
bearded man in it. So want him fixed
up a little. He was always beauty
when he had his hair dyed. I'knowiId
want mine fixed that way if Twas gray
and dead"


The barber dyed the dead mans hair
in the Highest style of the art, and the
widow remarked, when all was over, that
che was the loveliest corpse ever buried
on the, Comstock." ,s v.r
Year: 1878

One hundred years ago not poundof
coal, not cubic foot of illuminating gas
had been burned in this country. No
iron stoves were used, and no contriv-
ance economizing heat employed until
DR.. Franklin invented the iron-framed
fireplace, which still bears his name. All
the cooking and warming in town and
country were done by aid of fire kindled
in the brick oveno on the hearth. Pine
knots or talfow candles furnished the
light for the long winter nights, and
sanded floors supplied the place of rugs
and carpets. The water used for house,
hold purposes was drawn from deep
wells by the ereaking sweep. No form
of pump was used in this country, so far
as we can learn, until after the COM
mencement of the present century.
There were no friction matches in those
early days, by the aid of which fire
could be easily kindled; and if the fire
went out upon the hearth over night,
and the tinder was damp, SO that sparks
would not catch, the alternative was
presented of wandering through the snow
mile or so to borrow of neighbor.
Only one room in any house was warm,
unless some of the family were ill. In
all the rest the temperature was at zero
many nights in the winter.
Year: 1878

was, he never budged an inch. tell
you what it is" he said, with all the
GOODNESS imaginable, if you two don't
leave the Office this minute I'll send for
constable"


There was no need to attempt that
difficult operation. They were only try
ing it on, and with an afectation of. in
jured innocence, Mr.. Choker and his
satellite withdrew.


On another occasion, after Sam had
been some months in the office, his un-
Gle came out of his room one day, and
bade him go down at once to Judges
Chambers and look after some case that
was to come on there. 1t is a thing that
requires you to have your wits about
you, to do that, for you come face to
face with a shrewd Judge, who cannot
tolerate a fool. The old clerks in Mr..
Quicksett's office appeared paralyzed
with astonishment at such an order;
and one of them ventured, when par
TALLY recovered, to suggest mistake on
Mr.. Quicksett's part. It's rather
difficult case, sir, if you remember" he
urged.


"All right, Mustay," was the CHEEKY
reply; | know what am about. The
best way to learn to swim is to be pitched
neck-and-heels into deep water"


The suspense was great among the an
clients while Sam was away; but he cam
back in due time, and reported that the
case had come on before the Judge, and
that his lordship had made an order in
their clients favor. "Did he ask you any
questionsW inquired Mustay. "Oh,
yes! and answered them," said Sam !;
but ne did not mention, for he did
know it, nor will it be mentioned in the
memoir of the learned Judge when it
comes out, that, accustomed as his
lordship was to ready answers, it had
actually crossed his mind for moment
that the funny little lawyers clerk
would make capital witness-he was
so ready, and said neither more nor less
than was wanted.


Whether good witness would always
make a good lawyer we need not decide; /;
but tits certain that, in course of time,
Sam made very good one indeed.
His was one of those not uncommon cases
where supposed " deficiency" is super
ficial only, and where far more grave
deficiency is to be found in those who,
by constantly laughing at it, run the
risk of making it a real lifelong i'm
becility. Sans relatives never laughed
at him again after the first visit he paid
them, though they often laughed with
him, for his drollery was inexhaustible.
He never married, but his sister Mary
kept house for him, and was perhaps
great deal happier than she would have
been anywhere else.
Year: 1878

AMONG the young ladies who sat at
the receipt of customs in a Western
church fair, and retailed kisses at the
nominal value of ten cents each, says the
Danbury Ne,cs, was a vinegar visaged
old maid, who had crowded herself in on
the gauzy pretense that she felt it her
duty to do her share toward helping
along the good cause. When it came
time for closing, the young ladies turned
over to the church treasury from S. to
$40 apiece, while the ancient female
handed in a solitary dime, the value OF
one kiss that she received from a blind
man, whose taste was SO vitiated by
tobacco chewing that he was unable te
detect the imposition.
Year: 1878

THEY are telling now about a man in
Dubuque who buried two dozen bottles
of whisky in his cellar twenty-three
years ago, and forgot all about them,
and when they were accidentally dugup
last week the whisky was found to be
superb. Howpeople will liel The man
may have buried the whisky in his eel
lar, but if he forgot about it, it was be-
cause he was struck by lightning or
hanged the next day.
Year: 1878

impotence of the American navy TO tempt
invasion or inprre,.ior.


So also of the army. It finds no favor
with the Democratic party. II is in the
way Of the schemes of the revolution now,
as II was an obstacle in the path Of rebel
lion seventeen years ago. For this reason 1t
has been weakened and placed under parsi-
monious appropriations for its support. An
attempt was made one year ago by the
Democrats to starve the army out by with
holding pay and supplies, but the
scheme failed. The army remained in
service, much to the annoyance
of the conspirators and rcvolutioDists,
and now it is shorn of 90 per cent. OF
its numerical strength to crafty disloyal
and unfriendly spirit that is lurking
through the South and in the popular
branch Of Congress. If we had no army
and navy upon which to rely to keep
another revolution in check until tho pco-
pie could rally, week would not elapsc
before the armed and drilled South would
he marching upon the National Capital to
take forcible possession of the Government
The spirit and indications of the hour fully
Justify such belief, which is daily grow
ing under the evidences constantly re-
ycnled
Year: 1878

PRESIDENT HAYES mind is so organized
as we have said before, that he cannot look
behind him for legitimate partisan support
from members Of the party to which he
owes his election. The truth L. he seems
to be envcloped and overwhelmed with the
idea Of being non-partisan President or n
President of the whole people. Hence his
constant cropping for strength in the dircc-
tion of the Opposition, and, as illustrated m
the uucontradicted portion of the Gettys-
burg interview, his coquetry with such men
as HAMPTON, NICHOLS, GORDON, THUR
MAN, BAYARD, and HILL Fortunately for
him and the cause he represents, this un-
chaste dallance is overlooked by the aver
age Republican in Congress or out of II, and
the effort to reassert the validity of his title
is unabated and unpreiudiced by his near
approach to political neutrality. He might
throw himself bodily into the arms of his
would-be Democratic saducers, and the
struggle to free the Republican party from
all taint of corruption in his election would
60 on just the same. 1t is the party and its
principles and its good name that this fight
is being made for; not for the man or any
set of men he may have around him.
Year: 1878

1t now looks as If Speaker RANDALL had
pretty much exhausted his political capi-
tai and would 90 into bankruptcy this fall
He staked his last political penny at the
Pittsburg convention and lost, and now we
are informed from his district that since his
Pittsburg failure an important political
movement has been set on foot for the pur-
pose of retiring him this fall. 1t is now in
timated that the disailected Democrats OF
his district have determined to either de-
feat Mr.. RANDALL in convention or at the
ballot-box. There are several influences
which are at work to dispose Of Mr.. RAN
DALI and his political ambitions. There is
himself, under which he was unhorsed at the
State convention. Then RANDALL's strange
course in favor Of WOODS tariff measure
works against him with marked force and
effect Senator WALLACE's friends in RAN
DALL's district have been driven to the pro-
Then the feeling of hostility toward him
has been deepcncd by his course toward the
Pennsylvania Railroad, which Yields a
strong influence in his district. The power
of the sheriflalty is also arrayed against
him. RANDALL has heretofore been con-
ceded Il nomination and election even by his
opponents within and without the Demo
cratic party; but his course in the present
Congress has been so bitterly partisan that
no favor or quarter will be shown him in
thp rOminu contest He will earn all the
votes he secures to his cause.
Year: 1878

We do not regard the President, Mr..
SHERMAN, or Senator MATTHEWS of the
slightest consequence in the present at
tempt at revolution, except as incdcntals
The fight isagain>t established law Gnd the
integrity of government and for that rca-
son it appeals to the patriotism and dcvo-
ton Of every citizen who is loyal to the
Government and the laws enacted for its
conduct. This is the real issue and the
battlefield.
Year: 1878

EVEN those who accept the witness An
DERsoN's testimony as the unyarnished
truth fail to find therein evidence that
great frauds were committed in Louisiana
in 1876. Yet this testimony was intended
by the investigation mauipulators as basis
upon which to found their structure of The
Bargain
Year: 1878

ANDERSON, although young man, has
been guilty of political treachery aside from
his recent demonstration in that direction.
In 1S12 he held Office under a Republican
Administration and worked for the oppo-
sitiOn
Year: 1878

TIE question Of a fair and honest election
in Louisiana was settled by the Electoral
Commission and in accordance with law, and
can be no more disturbed by the pending
investigation than any other law of Con-
gress or decision of the Supreme Court.
ANDERSON may swear himself black in the
face, and until he has loaded his lacile con.
science with hillock of PERJURY, and it will
not weigh feather against the integrity OF
the Government or the validity Of the Pres.
idcntial title. POTTER has become mere
revolutionary sidc-shOw.
Year: 1878

If the people Of the United States would
comprehend the impending peril to the per-
mumunce OF our institutions, they have only
TO consider the bare fact that if the next
Congress should become Democratic in both
branches it will not only have the power
but the will to ignore the present Executive,
recognize another, and drive President
HAYES from the Executive Mansion and
authority, unless sustained By force. Then,
like Mexico, that party which has the most
Greeks" will maintain power and supTem-
acy in the Government. This is Mexicuni.
cation; and this il what is sure TO come un-
der Democratic policy and purpose, unless
the next House Of Representatives shall be
decidedly Republican. This is the case in
q nut shell.