smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1877




some years ago when ths writer
was reporter upon an eastern pa.
per, It devolved on him to write for the
same edition an account Of the pres.
entasion Of a gold-hesded cane to the
Rev. DR.. Nudge. thu Clergyman Of
the place, and description Of a pat.
ent hog killing machine that had lust
been put IN operation at the factory.
Now, what made DR.. Nudge mad
was this: The inconsiderate bucca.
neer who made up the forms got the
two locals mixed in frightfui man
ner. and when wo went 10 press,
something like this was the apps n
ing result:


Several Of DR. Audgss friends
called upon him yesterday, and after
a brief conversation the unsuspectiur
hog was seized by the hind legs and
slid along a beam, until be reached
the hot water tank. His friends ex-
plsined to him the object Of their Wis
it, and presented him with very
handsome gold-headed butcher. who
grabbed him BY the tail, and swung
him around, cut bis throat from ear
20 ear, and in less than q minute the
carcass was in the water. Thereup-
on be came forward and said there
were times when the feelings over
powered one and for that reason he
would not attempt to do more than
thank those around him for the man
ner in which 80 huge an animal was
cut in fragments was astonishing.
The doctor concluded his remarks,


the machine seized him and in less
time than IL takes to write it the hog
was cut into fragments and worked
into delicious sausage. The ocea-
sion will be remembered by the doe
tors friends as one Of the most de-
lighttul Of their lives. The best
piece can be obtained for fifteen cents
a pound, and we are sure those who
have sat so long under bis ministry
will rejoice that be has been 80 hand
somely treated.p


Mad? Well about zine O'Clock
that morning the Office had been aban-
doned by everv man but the adverti-
sing clerk. and he assembled to the
roof and robed himself in boiler iron,
so that he could see clergyman tear
ing around down in the street with
his congregation, all wearing the
panoply Of war, and carrying butch
erknives and things. The next dsy
we apologized, bat the doctor stop
ped his subscription.
Year: 1877

The most comfortable place to
study the people of Vienna is III tbs
large windows Of q cafe; here you
can see every one passing, as well as
the people drinking coffee or reading
the papers inside. Here you win
end every class Of society at slmos,
any hour of the day. A few DAYS
ago went into cafe to amuse my
self for an hour, and had just comfort
ably seated myself, and ordered a
"Sehwartzen, when in came lady
of about two hundred weight, and
seated herself at my table, with about
Q dozen and half OF newspapers Of
all descriptions = English, French
and American illustrated papers-so
covering the table that, when the
waiter came with my coffee be was
obliged to clear q space for the little
tray. This drove the old lady iuto q
passion, and her grumble continued
till something in the hickeriki
changed the channel of her thoughts.
After she had finished all her papers,
and looked round the cafe 10 see if
there was anything else she could do,
/ ventured to ask her If she bad always
lived in Vienna. She said she had
and did not propose TO leave it, and
immediately asked me to what nation
l belonged. Upon my saying was
was an American, she started and
looked toward the door as if about to
run, but glance treasured her, and
she asked if it were safe to walk the
streets of America alone. She said
she had heard that every one carried
pistols or guns. To this | replied
that she would be as safe as on the
streets of Vienna, if not more so.
She then wanted to know if it were
safe to ride in o railroad train there !;
she had heard that they always ran
off the track and killed lots of people
| answered this by saying that she
might get her life insured, and then
she would be perfectly safe This
seemed to be q conundrum which
needed more study than she could
give in caye. 80 she arranged her
costume and departed, much to my
relief,


A Vienna cafe is something diff
ferent from anything we have in
America; it takes the place, in some
respects, of our bar-rooms-thst is
you can get all the liquor you want,
but you must drink it straight, as the
Austrians know nothing about mixed
drinks. Brandy, schnspps and alb
synthe are the only liquors which
are drunk as rule with water,
while schnappsi is takenin small glass
which holds about a thimbleful.
Coffee seems to the Austrian what
whisky il to the Irish. When an
Austriaa feels as If he needed some
thing to "braee up on, he takes a
"schwartzen," which is black coffee
without milk; if be be hungry, he
takes q white coffee, that is with
milk and sugar, and takes long
stick of bread, which be puts in the
coffee to soak it up, the bread acting
as q sponge. This is not an excep-
tional case, but every one does it,
some even break the bread up wiring
il with spoon into sort of mush,
which does not look at all inviting
Boston advertiser.
Year: 1877

The Republic-This is the house that
Sam built


The Ballot-This is the malt that lay
in the house that Sam built.
The intelligent Contraband-This is
the mouse that liked the malt that
lay in the house that Sam built.
The Bulldozer-This is the cat that
made an assault or. the sable mouse
that liked the malt that lay in the
house that Sam built.


The Returning Board-This is the
dog that was fed by the State that
made the cat hop up on the gate,
the quarrelsome cat that made an
assault on the ebon mouse that
gobbled the malt that lay in the
house that Sam built.


The Democratic Psrty-This is the
cow whose sharp horn rowelled
that creole dog till he rose and
howled, that dutiful dog that got
in huff and drove to the peak Of
the gable "ruff" !" that .sputtering
cat whose principal fault was chas-
ing the mouse that nibbled the malt
that lay in the house that Sam
built.


The Democratic Office -Seeker-This
is the maid that sat on q harrow
and tried to milk the COW that was
farrow, the COW that didn't know
what she was at when she tossed
the dog that worried the cat that
fastened over the fence to vault to
catch the mouse that nibbled the
malt tina. lay 10 the house that Sam
built.


House Of Representatives-This is
the priest with the ugly mug that
gave the maid an encouraging hug
in trying to milk the COW that ap-
pears TO have run dry now some
twenty years, that tossed that dog
till it lost its breath that frightened
the cat almost to death, the Ku-
klux cat whose principal fault was
teasing the mouse that nibbled the
malt that lay in the house that Sam
built.


The Senate-This is the cop that put
the priest in cave of gloom be-
cause be kissed the maid with the
milking-psil who tugs at the prom
ising COW with the sterile dugs that
tossed the dog till he yeiped ''kiyiw
that chased whenever she fingered
nigh the furious cat that made the
assault on the timid mouse that
liked the malt that lay in the house
that Sam built.


Tue Electoral Commissiou-This is
the Constitutional law that put its
puissant and ponderous paw on the
officers arm that caught the priest
that kissed the maid that "milked"
the beast that tossed the dog till it
simo.'t ceased to worry the cat ths,
made az assault on the freekled
mouse that liked the malt that lay
! ia the house that Sam built.
Cry.nin-This is the man With the
stalwart nose that over the land
like beacon glows, that lights bis
path wherever be goes with pill
lar of fire for frienas and foes, and
a glare like cleaning bonfire
throws to the for-of realm where
Gable" grows, that shines on the
priests and the maiden's woes, on
the farrcw COW who for Office lows,
on the dog tbst delights to diseom-
pose the querulous cat at her meal
of crows, who when she couldn't
get any of those just arched her
back and made an assault on the
musky mouse that liked the malt
that lay in the house that Sam
built


W. A. c.


-Nelu York Graphic.
Year: 1877

OF LAND, consisting of every odd section in each
township, for distance of twenty miles on both
sides of the road or one-hsli OF the land in belt
forty miles wide, extending TO Denver City, In Col
orado, thus forming continuation Of the belt Of
country which, from the Atlantic coast westward,
Is found to be, in climate, soil and every produc-
tion of nature, this most favored.
To aid in the settlement Of this superb domain
with an intelligent and industrious people, is the
object Of the HOMESTEAD. Il is Intended to
contain fair and candid representation OF facts
viii ii give, Intentionally, any statement
that will not, upon investigation, be fully sus-
tanned.


The Company obtains its title TO these lands
FROM the Government Of the United States


They are being offered at prices lower than any
other lands In the West, that will compare with
them In soil, climate and general advantages.
Theterms of payment, as will be found on a care
ful examination, are liberal In all essential
features than have heretofore been offered bA any
railway company.
Year: 1877

Is published by the Land Department of the Kan
sas Pacific Railway Company, TO supply the large
and increasing demand for Information respecting
KANSAS. and especially the m gnificent body Of
lands granted by Congress in aid Of the eonstrue-
tion Of its road. This grant comprises
Year: 1877

This anecdote of John Randolph is re-
la.ei by writer in a Virginia paper "An
Old man told me that he. lived near tie
residence of Miss -, TO whom it was
said that Mr.. Randolph was engaged to bo
married On one occasion he had been at
her residence short time and had left
and as it was said that the marriage would
take place shortly, lie thought he would
go and inquire OF the old lady. She said
Mr.. Randolph had left in great haste, and
told him to go and see where in his hur-
ry, he had cut the reins of his bride in
stead of untying them, 1t appears that
it was proposed that he should make
marriage settlement whereupon he said
1T is not my purpose to purchase. When
l desire to purchase I shall 60 to the
cheapest market--I shall go to Africa,
With this remark he left the house, went
to where his horse was tied. cut the reins
and Immediately departed"
Year: 1877

At session OF the Probate Court for said
county, held at the Probate Office, In the VII
lags OF Paw Paw on the 7th day OF July in the
year one Thousand eight hundred and seventy
seven. present, AlfredlJ. Mills, Judge of Pro-
bate, in the matter OF the estate OF William b /.
Bishop, deceased: On reading and fling the
petition, duly verified, Of Emily Bishop, adj
ministratrix Of said estate praying for reasons
therein set forth, that she may be empowered
and licensed to sell certain real estate, belong
ing to SAID estate and in said petition described:
Thereupon it is ordered, that Monday, the 18th
day OF August 1877. at ten o'clock in the fore
noon, be assigned for the hearing OF said petit
ton, and that the heirs at law Of said deceased,
and all other persons interested IN said estate,
are required to appear at session OF said
court, then to be holden at the Probate Office,
in the village OF Paw Paw, and show cause, If
any there be, why the prayer OF the petitioner
should not be granted, and it is further ordered
that said petitioner give notice to the persons
interested in said estate, OF the pendency OF
said petition, and the hearing thereof, by caus-
ing n copy OF this order to be published In the
TRUE NoRTHERNER, newspaper printed and
circulated IN said county, four successive weeks
previous to said day OF hearing.


ALFRED j. MILLS, Judge OF Probate.
"a true copy.) 1855
Year: 1877




Fire 1t has been said. ais a good ser
want but a bad master" All are aware of
the truth of the first part of this propo-
sition, and il any one has doubt as to the
latter part, he has only TO turn to the rec
ords Of our fire insurance companies, and
the columns of our daily papers to be con-
WINGED. There is not foe that man has
to contend with more subtle, more watch.
ful-so to speak-and more tremendous.
than this servant when once he has become
rebel. Keep him in his place, guard
him carefully. use him judiciously, and he
serves US well; but iet him creep beyond
his prescribed limits, treat him carelessly,
allow him to escape from behind his pris-
bars, and he will leap upon us with ir-
resistible fury, defying withering
and consuming all that comes in his way.
And yet there is no element that we trust
with such carelessness as fire. The lady
who shudders at the idea of tumblng into
the water, is comparatively Indifferent
about sweeping her muslin skirt across the
crate Our servants frequently light gas
and candles with piece of paper, which
they throw down and suppose to be extin-
guished by stamp Of the foot, but which
too often retains spark that becomes the
germ of great conHagration. Our chill
dren are allowed to make playthings of
matches, and our smokers puff cigars and
pipes in arm-yards and other highly COM
bustible places, or throw away fusees in
the streets, and, without even taking the
trouble to set a foot on them, leave them
thepe to the freedom of their own will.
Fire is all round us, ever near us, always
ready to burst it's bonds but our applian-
ees for its extinction in most towns are
very imperfect, while as to escape, we
leave that to chance. and the accidental
presence of men may happen to possess
knowledge and courage to act in cases of
emergency.


Surely this ought not so to be Every
man locks his door and bars his windows
each night. although he may have lived
half century without being troubled by
house-breakers. Not less necessary is Il
to guard ourselves against fire.
Year: 1877




Saturday afternoon NJ. Cazeneuve
entertained company Of gentlemen
in a small room at Ohickering hall
by doing many surprising things of
the kind performed by so-called
spiritual mediums. He was SO tied
that neither head, hands nor feet
could be moved according to ordi-
nary laws of motion and his shirt
cuffs were sewed to the bandages
about his wrists in such a way that
the hands could not be slipped from
their confinement without severing
the threads. So bound, he rung
bells, blowed on a penny trumpet,
and beat on a drum all at the same
time; or somebody or something
did behind a curtain drawn across
the front of a cabinet. He filed
the large eye ola needle with short
thread from spool laid upon his
lap, cut paper into shapes, wrote
on a slate the words which members
of the assembly had privately writ
ten on cards, gave the marks on a
domino secretly selected by some
one present, took off his own stock.
ings and placed them in his lap,
while his boots remained on and his
feet securely tie1 above the ankle,
took off the coat of gentleman
who, blindfolded, sat beside him in
the cabinet with one hand on the
performers breast aud another over
his forehead to detectany movement,
kissed another gentleman who sat
beside him in the same manner,
transferred that gentleman's watch
and chain from his vest to the pres
tidigitateur's trousers pocket, and
did other marvelS.


After he was unbound, he tied
himself into the most helpless and
impossible position, making seven
ty-two knots in about five and a
half minutes. He plainly says that
this is all done by sleight Of hand.
A part of this programme will be
performed at his exhibition tonight,
and the whole tomorrow night,
which will be his last appearance
here.
Year: 1877

She was being led forth to instant
execution when they had met. Even
in that terrible hour the brave girl
had turned away from the last Wis
age that would ever be bent upon
her in sympathy or kindness, the
last hand that would ever be prof
fercd to her in friendly greeting,
lest such recognition might involve
her former comrade in her own
doom.
Year: 1877

The notorious Sioux chieftain, Crazy
Horse, died at Camp Robinson at mid
night of the 9th inst. 1t is a coincidence
worthy of note that the unconquered and
atrOcious chief received his death-wound
"A terrible bOwie-knife cut in the side
at the hands of one of his former fol-
lowers, soldier Indian, who had stood
side by side with the chief in the battle
of the Rosebud, in the Custer massacre,
and in other engagements of the Sioux
war. When Crazy Horse essayed his
escape, few days before his death the
Indian soldiers who had been foremost
in acts of brutality one year ago hunted
him down like bloOd-hounds. Relation
ship, tribal ties and savage pride have
all lost their hold before the keen manip-
ulation of General Crook and his jun!
ior officers, and the words of the Gener-
al a year ago regarding these hOstiles,
that he could "make brother hunt
brother" are strikingly verified in this
instance.


The scene around and inside the Ad-
jutant's office as the chief died, was in
perfect keeping with his long years of
thrilling adventure and unstinted re-
venge. His father, with one or two
faithful followers, watched by his side,
while crowds of savages hung around
the building, giving vent to their feel
ingS in the curdling whoop and lending
utter drear to the murky darkness with
the ominous death chant. Indian sol
dierS and diSarmed hostilGS were there
alike, the first glorying in their delegat-
ed peace-keeping power, and the others
only harmless because helpless. When
the chief was dead he was quickly borne
down by the side of White Earth River,
where four months ago he first knelt to
the sway of the military, and there
cared for with the customary savage
ceremony by his few remaining friends.


Crazy Horse was about So years old,
relative of Red Cloud, and an abo-
rigine from head to foot He was of
medium height, slender and wiry build,
and as mean looking Indian as ever
knocked for admission to the happy
hunting ground. However, a bullet
wound through his face received in bat
tie, added much to his brutal and
treacherous look. He has known moth
ing but fight and maraud since boy
hood, and was last seen at the agencies
about twelve years ago. Among the
hostiles he has been considered the peer
Of Sitting-Bull in influence, and vastly
that old chieftain's superior in out and
out bravery, devilishness and unrest.
He has done more to retard the settle
ment of this frontier, by his deeds Ct
blood and pillage, than all other war
chiefs combined. The taking off of
such savage will result in more real
good than decisive battle, for it is he
who has sown continual dissention and
inspired atrocity in others, even on the
heels of defeat.-Cheyepa'ae Sun.
Year: 1877

A small, stout girl, apparently about
IA years old, was brought to the Third
District Station House last evening in
male attire. She gave her name as Sal
lie Robinson, of Seaville, Cape May
County, New Jersey. On being ques-
toned she stated that she came here for
work some weeks ago, and not meeting
with success, determined to try the ex-
pertinent of dressing in boys clothes in
order to improve her chances. She then
obtained employment at an eating-stand
in Second Street Market, receiving in
return three meals daily, and lodging
with a friend near Fifth and Noble
Streets. She quarreled with the latter,
however, and then got permission to
sleep in the market under the prOtec-
ton of the watchman. No one suspect
ed or knew of her ruse except two boys
who were acquainted with her before
she took the notion to try it. She is
perfectly satisfied with her circum-
stances, and answered the questions ask
ed her in hearty, jovial manner. She
is good-looking girl with fair com
plexion and light hair. Magistrate List
will deliberate tomorrow as to the
proper course to take in the ase.-PhaI-
adelpbio Times.
Year: 1877

This world needs less philosophy
and more potatoes in a hill.-FaHoa
Times.


The economical baby puts its toes
in its mouth in order to make both ends
meet.-NeaO Orleans Picayune.


Railroad journeying would be pain
fully uninteresting to the experienced
traveller were it not for the stentorian
conversation of the old lady who scrapes
the acquaintance of young girl whose
aunt sho once knew.-WorceSter Press.


Its thought tnat B. Young ought
to have recovered from his attack of
cholera morbus, but when it came to
fighting with 27 women, each one with
a different kind of mustard plaster for
her dear husband, and new kind of
herb tea it was too much for him. Ev-
cry woman laid her plaster where there
was room, and the Prophet went down
to his grave like a sandwich.--HaaOkeye


Joaquin Miller says of one of his
tangle-haired heroines that she "swept
the lonesome sea- 1t would have been
more to her credit to have been at home
sweeping the lonesome kitchen or help
ing her poor old mother wash up the
supper dishes instead of tramping of
with such a n-ocean in her head. .-Bey-
faIo EGpreSs.


"A correspondent of the New York
Sun visits a great deal of cenSure upon
the lady bathers at Ocean Grove, be-
cause their bathing-suits come scarcely
below the knee. He should remember,
however, that what would inevitably
shock the sensitive modesty proverbial
in the newspaper man would be looked
upon by others simply as pleasing un-
conventionality. Chicago Times.


Lightning struck lawyers Office
in Meadville, Pa, the other day. In
less than half an hour the attorney had
writs out after it for disturbing the
peace of the Commonwealth, for torci-
Bile entry, for assault and battery, for
malicious destruction of property, for
drunkenness, etc., etc., and so on.
Forty or fifty constables are out endeav-
oring to serve the papers, while the at
torney sits at home and swears by the
blear- eyed Blackstone that he'll make
some one awful sick before they get
through with this thing.-OI City Der
3.ick
Year: 1877

Appropriations are asked Of Congress


for an army Of 25 900 men. 1t has been so
often demonstrated that no such army is
necessary in this country, and has been SO
conclusively demonstrated on all recent.
cccasions,e except those in which party pur-
poses were to be accomplished through the
aid of the United States military, that the
attempt to keep up an expensive national
army will hardly be likely to receive the
support of any disinterested representatives
of the people. There were the most sa,s-
fory proofs during the last Presidential
election that the army controlled the baItt
boxes in certain States that were deemed
i1tt'.tfnl. and that but for the presence Of
b'youe'a b. he polls in 3ertain States the
ecl.ye rnsull would not have been what
ii vas That was ne of tie disadyantac
which are 70 come Of hag ing army larger
,aal is absolutely necessary to guard and
protect the public property. There have
certainly been no occasions in which that
arm Of the service has ever been useful in
putting down instructions or in protecting
the country against invasion, or in averting
civil war, or even indeed in protecting the
frontier from the Indians. Every Stale
has sufficiently efficient army of its own
without lavishing millions annually on a
national army which lives life of idle
dess and that can never be made available
when it is most needed. Ten thousand
men would be sufficient for all useful pur-
poses. and to make appropriations for 25,-
600 would be an extravaganza which,
under existing circumstances, could Tot be
justified.
Year: 1877

MAYOR HEATH's STATEMENT


Chicago, july %. The following is sent
at the request of Mayor Heath, and is
iudied by him:


Many of the dispatches from this city
have greatly exaggerated the disturbance
during the last few days. At no time have
The lives or property of law abiding citizens
been seriously endangered, ana but small
proportion OF railroad employees or other
workingmen OF Chicago have been engaged
In the riot BY the collisie between the
rioters and authorities Thursday and Thurs
day nights nine persons, all rioters, have
been Killed and perhaps thirty, more or
less, woundtd. No damage to property
has been done at any time and bat slight
Interference with business has occurred
The city is now entirely free from rioters
and the strikers are rapidly returning to
their various employments. There is no
probability of a further outbreak or any
disturbance of business interests of the
clly. However We're it not for the prompt
and efficient arrangements made by the
authorities TO suppress the disturbance the
trouble would probably have been quite
serious.
Year: 1877

Cork, February 2S.-The remains Of
John o Mshoney were taken from their
temporary resting place in Queenstown
this evening and escorted by large pro-
cession to a special steamer which brought
them TO this city. On their arrival they
were removed 70 the Mechanics Insti-
tute, where they now lie.