smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1875

NIGHT IN THE MOoN.-At last, how
ever, night sets in. Gratefully it comes
after the sun has gathered up his shifting
beams and gone down to his rest. All at
once we are plunged into comparative
obscurity, for again there is no twilight
to stay the steps of departing day. AT
one stride comes the dark. But looking
up into tho sky, we behold vast orb
which pours down a milder and more
benelicent splendor than the great lord OF
the system. Ii is such moon as we ter
restrialS cannot boast for it is not less
than thirteen times as large and luminous
rs our own. There it hangs in the firm
ament without apparent change of place,
AS If " fixed in its everlasting seat" But
not without change of surt.ce. For this
great globe is a painted panorama, and
turning round majestically on its axis,
presents its oceans and continents in
grand succession. As Europe ana Africa
which lock the Mediterranean in their
embrace, roll away to right, the stormy
Atlantic offers its water to view, and the
two Americas with their huge forests and
vast prairies, pass under inspection.
Then the grand basin of the Pacific light
ed up with island fires, meets the eye and
rs this glides over the scene, the eastern
rim of Asia and the upper portion of Aus
traia sail into sight. The Indian Ocean
and afterward the Arabian Sea roll into
view and spread themselves out in their
subduod splendor, and thus, in four and
twenty hours the great rotundity we
tread turns its pictured countenance to
the moon and grandly repays the listen
ing unarians by repeating to the best of
its ability the story OF its birth. Nor is
the sky less marvellous in another respect.
For the absence of any atmospheric diff
fusion permits the consultations TO shine
out with dstinctness which is never
paralleled on earth. They glitter like
diamond points set in a armament Of eb-
ony. Stars and clusters which we never
see with the naked eye, flock into view
and crowd the lunar heavens. s.-Brttish
| quarterly.
Year: 1875

THE SEWING MACHINE RAID
Among the raids that are to be made at
the meeting Of the next Congress, is that
Of the sewing machine monopolists, who
will endeavor to secure further exten-
sion Of their patents. The sewing ma
chine companies have already reaped the
benefit OF a long extension OF their mo-
nobody. They have thus been enabled to
to sell their machines at price at least a
hundred per cent. above that at which
the machines could be proftably manu-
iactured and sold. This enormous profit
has been directly from the poorer classes
of the communicable sewing women
and the tailor,s workmen. 1t is time that
the public had the benefit of the sewing
machines.
Year: 1875

A QUEER MIsTAKE.-Although tn,
| first miracle recorded in the New Testa
ment was the converting of water int
wine at marriage ceremony, it is, new
ertheless not always safe to imbibe at
wedding unless you know something o
the vintage. Mistakes will happen a.
was the case not long since with the Rev
DR.. -, of Newburyport, who was sum
moned down from his chamber to marry
couple. The hour was late and the
minister's wife had retired for the night,
and did not rise to witness the ceremony,
but gave her husband particular directions
for the entertainment of the wedding
guests.


Don't forget TO pass the cake and
wine, DOCTOR" said she. 1.-THE cake is
in the corner cupboard and you II find the
wine on the third rght-hand shelf in the
sideboard."


The doctor promised obedience, and,
putting on his garments, went down to
perform the ceremony. When he came
back half an hour later he found his wife
sitting up in bed, with an anxious express
sion on her face.


Doctor" she said, "did you give any
to them ?"


" Certainly, my dear, just as you told
me-"


" Not from the decanter on the third
shelf of the sideboard ?"


THAT is exactly where you directed
me to find it, wife,"


Dear-dear Did they drink much
Of it?"


why, yes they emptied their glass
es."


"What shall we do doctor, made
mistake-it was ipecac wine you gave
them. Oh, how sick they must be ! Do
dear, put on your cloak and go right after
them-they can't have gone far"


The minister found the bridal party at
the corner of the next street.


"What made you drink the wine ?"
he asked. Couldn't you toll by the
taste that there was something wrong
about it ?"


The bridegroom answered between his
qualms


"She whispered to me that it tasted
dretful queer, but told her twas because
we was gittin' married !"
Year: 1875

AN UNPLEASANT PREDICAMENT.-


Not long since a Des Moines man while


travelling on business, had occasion to re-


main at town on the b. Il NJ. road
Our traveller arrived about l o'clock at


night. Our traveller found a watchman
alone at the depot and by him was direct
ed to a hotel. He followed the direction,
and in due time found the great house
and entered. He gave several distinct
alarms, but could not make any one hear.
So be started on voyage of discovery to
sec if he could find bed. After running
about while he found door that would
open and entered we'll furnished room in


which was a bed. 1t was ladies' parlor


but that he didn't know, and it had been
engaged for the use of newly married
couple who were at that moment enjoy
ing the cor gratuialloGS OF their friends at
a nuptial party a square away. In3 Des
Moiner was tired and sleepy, and didn't
fool away any time in getting to bed.
He carefully placed all of his clothes un-
der the pillow, slowed his boots and bag
gage under the bed, said his PRAYERS,
bounced in, and in three quarters OF u
minute, was asleep. In due time the
bridal party arrived, and with them the
hotel clerk who had been in attendance at
the festivities. The groom modestly re-
manned in the Office until the new wife
bad retired, merely escorting her to the
door OF thesroom, all unconscious that the
maiden wife entered and commenced to
disrobe. Pins were drawn, strings united
and FUCKERS unraveled and cores cut !;
there was suIglng OF white lace and
tumble Of orange blossoms ; there was Il
Swapping Of stays-and the light was
turned down very low, and the damsel
went to bed. Then she immediately got
out OF bed, and the cattle on the thousand
hills didn't make half as mach noise as
She was making by the time she reached
the floor. She whooped and yelled and
screamed like an eagle, whistled like an
inebriated steam engine, and in the midst
of the din the Des Moines man awoke
and instantly comprehended the situation
and commenced to apologize, but by the
time he reached Madam, it's mis-
take" the door opened and in strobe the
husband aud the clerk, armed with boot
jacks and stove wood. For se next FIVE
minutes the Des Moines man was kept
busy dolging the missiles fired at him 10y
the infatuated pair, and ut every shot the
wife would evoke new series of yelps.-
Finally the representative of the capital
city obtained a hearing long enough to
explain, the husband explained, the clerk
explained, the wife told him to git" "and
held the tongs before her eyes while he
gathered up his wearing apparel and slid
out Of the door, and peace, sweet peace,
came down over all. The clerk gave the
Des Moines man shakedown in another
room, and the play ended.-Iowa Regis
ter.
Year: 1875

FELT OF HIS EYE.-A young man had
for many days suffered with the tooth,
ache, and rs last resort, decided to go
to u dentists and have the offending BIZ
cuspd taken out. With that resolution
well fixed in his mind, and one dollar in
his pocket, he sought well known tooth
pnller. The dentist at once decided that
two teeth would have to be drawn. The
young man had not the nerve to stand the
double pain, SO he told the dentist he
would take nitrous oxide.


lie took the mouth-piece and drank
away at the gas. The dentist at last tho't
he had enough. He spoke to him. A ra-
tional answer was returned. He must
have more gas, and the mouth-piece was
again inserted between his lips. When
he had taken gas enough to render two
men insensible to pain, the dentist thought
he would apply well known dental test
to see if he were "gone."


"Billy.i"


Nv duoWOls llG lilcll IOuCuGQ Iub pa
TENTS eyelid to see if there were any
muscular contraction and in so doing, ac-
cidentally touched the eye itself. No
twitching Of any kind. He must be in
sensible. The torceps at once brought
out tooth with immense roots and at the
same time brought the young man to his
feet with yell.


Why why-why-doc, didn't you
wait till had sucked more gas ?"


More gas You took enough to put
two men to sleep, and besides, touched
your eyelid-even put my finger in you
eye. You never showed tinge, and that
is considered an nfallible test"


"That's good anyhow. L wondered
what under the sun you were foolinl
around my glass eye tor"
The valve which was found to be out oi
orcer was repaired, the mans second
tooth drawn, and he soon went away,
chuckling to himself; That's good
feeling OF my glass eye to see if I'd
twitch."
Year: 1875

my real number is 6, but my hand
will bear squeezing" is what she said to
the young man at the gloye-counter.
And the great, thick headed lunatic got
out pair of i've and a half gloves with
out finding out hoS much squeezing her
hand would bear. We would have
worked at hatjob an hour, but she should
have had an exact fit.
Year: 1875

On hearing that German chemist had
succeeded in making brandy out of saw
dust, a thirsty editor exclaimed "What
chance will the temperance movement
have when man can take rip-saw and
go out and get drunk on fence rail 2"
Year: 1875

TRY THE ENAMELLED PIPE, 1T WILL NOT
] Rust or crack and costs only trifie more than
common iron pipe Is positively THE BEST thing
for ware service pipe. have the exclusive agency
for Rock Island. FRED HASS


Store in Star Block
Year: 1875

which is military government whore
the country is ruled bya military
chieitain, and where the army Is in
power. That is the government you
have got now, the army is the power.
We have got q stratocracy. We have
not got democracy We have not
got republican form of government.
That is all the government You have
got. How far off is the empirc2 How
far of is military dcspotism7 ! warn
the people Of my native country
against the dangers which are com
ing. Many years ago | warned them
against bringing on strife and con,
test which would result in the shed
ding of blood and the sacrifice o.
property. ! warned them against ar
raging brother against brother
warned my countrymcn against the
fratcrnal strife which saw was inevi
table. Tho warning turned out b'
true. | wish ] had proved falls,
prophet. here to-day in my place
warn the people of tho United State
against tho encroachments, agains,
the violations, and against tho tota
disregard Of the Constitution OF tb'
United States.
Year: 1875

Tho Now York Sun says; "All the
signs, all the prccccents, all tho analo-
gics ofpolitical history point TO tho total
overthrow of the Republican party in
the election Of noxt year. The most
significant evidence of its approaching
destruction is the hardihood with
which its leaders in Congress have set
at defiance the admcniiions Of the last
autumn"
Year: 1875

NEW YORK has recently been the
scene of a curious lawsuit. One Lange
sued Judge Benedict for false impris-
onment in sentencing him to fine and
imprisonment, when the statute read
fine or imprisonment. The decision
holds the blundering Judge responsible
for any damages that a jury may award.
So it appears that a Judge must know
the law, or pay the piper, when he
makes people dance without its author
Ity. The case was so novel that, when
first argued, the only precedent to be
found was a suit in which VIM. Penn
figured.
Year: 1875

IT is now said that if the Missouri
Democracy decline re-electing Senator
Schurz, he VILE take his revenge in
writing a history of the United States.
Oh, that mine enemy would write a
book.
Year: 1875

Missouri is agitated with the ques-
tion, whether or not a Constitutional
Convention was ordered by the people
at the late election. The official ma
jority by which it carried was less than
a thousand votes. It is now discOv-
cred that IN several counties ballots on
which were printed the words For
Constitutional Convention were
counted as for it, though the blank for
yes or "no'' was left untitled.
Year: 1875

IT was generally rumOred, yesterday
evening, that ex-Comptroller Hobbs
had been sent for, and that he viii ap-
pear before the Investigating Commit
tee in the course of a day or two. A
UNION AND AMERICAN reporter ap-
piled to members IF the committee for
information on the subject, but could
learn nothing.
Year: 1875

There are, unfortunately, some


indiscreet men in the Convention,


a. there are, undoubtedly, some in
discreet papers outside Of it. The
Telegraph peels q correspondent of
the Dallas Herald, who writes over
the initial "B." Now we agree
with the Telegraph that "B" was
wrong. Indeed, that his letter was
very reprehensible, and when we
consider the writer as a member of
the Convention, his attitude be.
comes asinine, by reason :of its
utter stupidity, but isn't it giving
hird too much prominence, to thus
advertise him, and isn't the risk of
asplit or division of the party by
these means, too imminent TO war
rant the discussion of these difficult
ties on the eve of SO important q
political struggle, as is TO be waged
by tho Texan Democracy, in the
near future. Bear and forbear is
at all times good Christian action,
and sometimes it becomes the very
summit of political wisdom.
Year: 1875

Near the end Of the Suspension Bridge


Open during the day for the purpose Of
feeding and watering stock free of charge.


Plenty Of good stock water in the lot.
Secure fence, and shed for saddle stock.
Full supply of forage always on hand at the
cheapest rate. Good accommodations for
wagons and responsible for everything.
Wood furnished, good pump, water, Sc., by


novi7dtf BUXTON " DAGGETT
Year: 1875

The Detroit Free Press tells funny story


Of about young man of that city, named
Charles Perrin. Charles became enamored
OF young lady, but she did not reciprocate
his attachment. This enraged the young
man, and he swere an awful swear that he
would have revenge. He procured bottle
containing prussic acid, and sought the lady
again. He would give her one more chance,
and then if she refused him, he would spoil
her beauty forever. Again he importuned
her, and again she refused. The vicious
scamp put his hand in his pocket to draw the
bottle, and here we quote from the Press:


Something bit him. He thought it was
dog, but it wasn't The cork had worked
out Of the bottle, and his coat-tails were turn
ing brick color at the rate of yard minute.
The acid wasn't content with the coat-tails,
but struck out for flesh, and in about a min
ute the young man was dancing around the
house as if to escape bullet. Shouting and
whooping, he got out of doors and threw off
most of his clothing and rolled in the mud,
and it was some time before any one could
find out whether he had snakes in his boots
or had sat down on brad-awl. He was SO
badly burned that two men had to help him
to his boarding house, where a physician
dressed his burns. This young man now pre-
fers to stand at bis meals, and considers
sleeping on the back unhealthy.
Year: 1875

From the Territorial Enterprise.


Ten or twelve years ago there was miner


working in the upper levels of the Comstock


at $4 per day. He lived in a little cabin down


the canyon, did his own cooking, and whistled
softly, ''Theres good time coming, boys" "
To-day that miner walks about the streets of
Virginia City, as cordial as in the old days (;
he dresses no better than any ordinary gentle
man of Virginia, and eats no better food than
a conscientious editor ought to have. And
yet, as his fortune is rated in the stock list
daily, he is 50 rich that, were his stocks
turned into money, he could lend Scott that
little old $7O,000,0 900 he wants and have
enough left to live comfortably upon. He
could, unaided, 60 down and open, at his
own expense, the Darien canal; or, should
his fancy run that way, he could advertise
tomorrow that the government through him
had determined to resume Immediately specie
payment. and pretty nearly make the promise
good. He could endow college in each
State of the Union with $4,000, 900 each, or
could build a double track narrow gauge rail-
road from San Francisco to New York and
solve at once the problem of cheap transpor-
tation. There is no telling, indeed, what he
might do; but what he will do is apparent
enough. He was here when thirty feet of
ore near the surface was big mine. At
fifteen hundred feet he has found it three or
four times as wide. He believes at four
thousand he will strike it five hundred feet
wide and get rich, and he is going for it.
Year: 1875

| The man with the melodeon is not regard
| ed as useful addition to quiet neighbor-
hood.


Thousands of human beings have succeed
ed in winning the affections of their neigh
bors without the aid of any matudinal massa-
cres of melody.


The presence of melodeon in an other
wise well-ordered community sets the people
to thinking.


What they principally think is, How
much will it cost to buy the owner out


Moreover, it tends to make the bows too
festive, as it were.


They hear so much about the man with the
melodeon as to regard him as a sort of evil
genius, whom it wonld be virtue to annoy


Hence, in the midst of a morning salvo of
"Old Hundred" or ''The Three Blind
Crows" he is sometimes dazzled by the ap-
partition OF flying potato, or startled by the
impact Of a tomato against the opposite wall.


Misunderstanding the meaning of these sig
nails, he plays Oh, and so do the boys, until
policeman surprises a couple of them, and
two households are made wretched for the
day.


In English cities the man with the melo-
deon is frequently beguiled into going abroad
as missionary.


III TIduCc Iuty LAX LIS lnSLTUm6ub U,VUV
francs, at which he gets disgusted and moves
across the Rhine.


The Dutch arrest him and set him to work
on the dykes for every tune he plays before
the sun is two hours high.


Unhappily, none of these wise provisions
prevail in the United States, and hither the
man with the melodeon f1ocks from all parts
of the universe.


In consequence OF this, as statistics show,
emigration to America has vastly decreased
within the last few years, while thousands
are going back to the mother country. New
there is no deficiency of public
spirit on the question, and it is believed that
no indictment for arson would lie against !
person who should set fire to the premises of
the man with the melodeon.
Year: 1875

The idea that legally elected member of
State Legislature, one whose election was
not and IS not doubted or contested by his
politicl opponents while on his way to as
sumo the duties of his office, will strike the
average reader as something criminally
strange. Yet it recently occurred in two or
more instances preceding the recent organi-
zation of the Legislature of Louisiana. Mr..
A. J. Cousin, of the Parish of St. Tammany,
one of the kidnapped victims, recites his adj
ventures in the New Orleans Republican.
We learn from this recital that he was kept
in durance, sometimes in the hold of river
steamer, at others in the ''piney-woods, and
at all times beyond the possibility of commu-
nicating with his friends until after the Or
ganization of the Legislature. He was at
no time in charge Of Sheriff, deputy sheriff,
or any other officer known to law. His kid
nappers told him they had nothing in the
world against him, and their only object in
holding him was to prevent his presence at
the organization of the Legislature" One Of
them characterized himself as ''lieutenant
of PENIS militia And yet these scoundrels
complain of military interference in the
organization of the Legislature
Year: 1875

FRED DOUGLAS, in lecture in Chicago, a
few evenings since, said ''The hero of
Harper's Ferry had swooped down to strike
a memorable blow for emancipation. He
had with him only eighteen men. With these
he cowed into surrender a town of three
thousand, and the dozen companies of militia
that came out to face him felt compelled to
call on the Federal Government for assist
ance: The cry rang out then to crush the
seditious insurrectionists, and they were sur
rounded, captured, and executed. Now.
when white men and colored men, their lives
in peril, and their property in jeopardy, ask
troops to save themselves from assassination
at the hands of Ku-Klux and White Leagu-
ers, howl of indignation runs from one end
of the South to the other at this 'usurpation
of authority and endeavor 10 protect citizens
Of the United States from the murderer and
cut-throat."
Year: 1875

The London Lancet sugges.a the following
simple treatment, for felons: ''As soon as
the Disease is felt, put directly over the spot
fly blister. about the size of the thumb nail,
and let it remain for six hours, at the expira-
ton Of which time, directly under the surface
Of the blister may be seen the felon, which
can instantly be taken out with the point OF
needle or lancet" A piece of adhesive
plaster will keep the blister in place.
Year: 1875

PRoFANITY.-Ne are emphati ally
in the age of profanity, and it seems
to us that we are on the topmost cur.
rent. One cannot 60 on the street
anywhere without having his ears Of.
Tended With the vilest of words, and
his reverence shocked by the most pro-
fame use of sacred names. Nor does
it come from the DID or middle. aged
alone, for it is a fact, as alarming as
true, that the younger portion Of the
community are most proficient in the
degrading language. Boys have an
idea that it is smart to swear that it
makes them manly but there never
was a greater mistake in the world.
Men, even those who swearthemselves
are disgusted with profanity in ayoung
man because they know how, of all
bad habits, this clings the most close
ly, and increases with years. It's the
most insiduous Of habits, growing on
so invisibly that almost before one is
aware he becomes an accomplished
cursor.
Year: 1875

HAPPINESS. 1t is a false opinion
that happiness is not now to be real'
lied, but only to come hereafter. 1t
is in contradictions to Gods holy
word, as we believe we are blessed
now with all things that are really y
good for us. Yet there are persons
who think that when some particular
grievance is removed they shall be
happy. No! you will be rs far from
happiness as you are now. This IS
the folly and weakness Of the mind,
which vainly anticipates happiness
from earthly changes But, on the
other hand, as time passes by and ul'
der all circumstances, supposing that
we have the knowledge of the truth
and are living in holiness and in the
love of God, we may have days OF
heaven upon the earth. Lady Eliza


tn Hastings said to the Countess Of
huntingdon, "Since | have known tie
gospel l have been as happy as an an
gel" That one sentence was the
means of the conversion Of Lady
Huntingdon, atterward the friend of
Whitetield and the founder of chapels
all over England. Who can estimate
the number and Importance Of the e.
fects which followed Mat change Of
heart and life
Year: 1875

= THE fires of yesterday morning
ought to satisfy everybody that we
ought to have at least one more steam
fire engine. No set of men could have
done more with the means at hand
than our firemen, but they had but
one engine. The property destroyed
yesterday morning which the firemen
would have saved had they had an
other engine, would pay for three or
four engines. We are not making this
appeal to the Council, for we know
that that body either does not under
stand the wants of the city or know
ing them they have not the vaguest
idea how to supply them, but we hope
our wealthy citizens will heed the
warning and order another engine at
once. Had the fire on New High
street broken out before that on Main
street was subdued, the utmost exer-
tiOns of the firemen could not have
prevented terrible conflagration.