Year: 1879

peTloICe, Jlclu W WIG oeiiSA o'''~' "o away 80
deed, some deep-seated reason for this choice,
and cannot but marvel that I should have
been kept in total ignorance of it.


Yet, far be it from me to reproach him, in
the faintest degree, either for his hidden mo-
tives, or his resolution to keep them secret.
That he has been prompted, in his conduct,
by some powerful reason, cannot doubt.
And as, during his life, it was my chief pleas
ure to obey his will in all things, so that will,
speaking to me even from his grave, shall still
guide and direct me in every step pof my way


1t is possible, even probable, that my boy,
as he grows up may rebel at the restrictions
laid upon his freedom Of action. Should
such contingency arise, trust Providence
may give me wisdom to act rightly and Ju'
diciously in the matter. But it is useless now
to look so far ahead. And oh ! looking for
ward, what dreary waste my life appears.
Even with the comfort of my precious child,
doubly precious since all else that made exis-
tence a blessing has been taken from me, my
heart sinks beneath the burden laid upon it.
And to think that Ra!ph's boy can never
know, never remember his father, except as
name! How hard, how sorrowful it seems


have kept on just here, in my dreary lit
tie home, not knowing where else to 60, nor,
indeed, caring to move from it. Sometimes
have thought of changing back to our for
mer home across the mountains, but | feel
that it would be too painful. The old asso'
Citations which the sight of everything there
would revive in my mind, would be more than
| could bear. Besides, am tolerably COM
Portable here, as far as my surroundings CO.
The climate suits baby, and Tina is devoted
to him, and is very good and faithful in every
respect. 1 should hate to lose her. And
Ralph would have been best pleased to have
it so. He said often, during his sickness, that
he liked this place, and that it suited him
better than any he had tried yet.


Dec. 26th. After had written those last
words, such a rush of memories came over
NE that was forced to stop. Such night
as had, and such dreary Christmas Poor
Tina, thinking, l suppose, that the day should
not pass unnoticed, gathered some of the red
mountain.b berries to decorate my room and
though 1 felt like putting up mourning
wreaths instead, had not the heart to check
her in her kind intentions. She brought me,
too, some mittens for baby, which she mad
knit, and another pair for me. l had forgot
ten to make anything for her-indeed, it SEEM
ed to me that gifts were mockery at such a
time; but gave her little present instead.
Last year it was indeed different! Then my
cup was full of sweetness and joy, for my car
ling was with me.......".... But dare not
dwell on the retrospect.


Dec 31st. The old year is going out in a
storm. For two days the snow has not ceased
to fall, and the clouds hang so low that the
mountain peaks are quite concealed keen
wind is blowing from the north, and the cold
is intense. Baby laughs and crows in Tina's
arms at the window, delighted with the feath-
cry flakes shifting past, and stretches out his
little hands to try and catch them. To me
the scene is emblematic of my own desolate
life, bereft of sunshine and warmth, and hope.
Yet not quite of hope, either. l have my
dearest boy-and God is good; believe he
will not take this last consolation from me.
There have been dark hours when my faith
has almost wavered but l pray they may
not return.


April 18th, 18-. After dark, stormy
and cold winter-the coolest I ever felt
Spring has begun to thaw the frozen earth,
and the sun shines out once more. Ny
health has not been strong of late, but with
the return of mider weather I am beginning
to recover my strength. On the ninth of
March, Wilfred was year old. He is e
strong, splendid child, full of health and
vigor, and Ito my joy) wonderfully like his
father, though with features of even greater
beauty. His eyes are magnificent; and then
his bearing is like that of little prince. I'M
perious he is, and very willful, but, gener'
Gus and loving, and melted by a single caress
or loving word, even in his most passionate
moods. He is singularly forward and intel
ligent for his age, understanding almost ev-
erything that is said to him, and can run
about over the house like big boy. 1 nev-
er saw a finer or handsomer child. Tina
pronounces him wonder. There is no one
else to admire him. All, if his father could
but see him now


June 18th. l have come to the end of this
book, in which for four years, with more
or less interruption, my journal has been
kept. I have no heart to commence anoth-
er. What have to write about now? am
absorbed, it is true, in my chld's little doings,
and in his increasing intelligence. The
gradual expansion of the fine faculties which
already begin to develop themselves in him,
occupy my thoughts and force me back to IN
interest in life which thought it impossible
for me to feel again. But it would he mere
childishness to write of all this continually.
Perhaps, some years hence, if | am spared so
long, and Wilfred's identity has merged mine
into itself, as by degrees it vii will begin
another journal of our joint lives, thinking
and speaking for us both, which may have
more of interest in it than my cold gray exis-
tence could furnish now. His love and CON-
panionship will be the sunshine to rekinole
what warmth remains in the ashes Of my
once impulsive, enthusiastic heart, whose vivid
emotions are frozen over, and can only re,
spond again to the touch of powerful hand.


Life among the glaciers-with snow and
,,o,,J ,,1 obouo ,oo.o 1;fo of ro