Year: 1874




der the gallery in the act of kissing
each other behind hymn book, did
not lose his temper. No, he remained
calm. He bcamed mildly at the offend.
ers over his spectacles, and when the
young man kissed her the fifteenth
time he merely broke his sermon short
off in the middle Of thirdly" and of.
fered a fervent prayer in behalf of
"the young man in the pink nick tie
and the maiden in the blue bonnet
and gray shawl, who were profaning
the sanctuary by kissing one another
in pew rs" And the congregation
said "Amen." Then the woman pull
ed her veil down, and the young man
sat there and swore softly to himself.
He does not go to church as much now
as he did.


A young man writing home to his
mother to select wife for him, ex-
pressed himself in the following lam
guage: "Now mother l want you to
pick out girl for | want one to be
my wife. She must have dark eyes,
light air,pearly teeth, rosy cheeks, and
Roman nose and l think Susan JaAe
Sommers fills the description"


Always acknowledge all courtesies
in a kindly spirit. Throw a bouquei
and a card of of thanks to serenad-
ing party, if not prepared to invite
them in. If you haven't bouquet or
card at hand, throw q bootiack, or
brick, or anything Of that sort, just
to show your appreciation Of the kind
hess intended.


III a recent action for a breach of
promise of marriage, the defendants
counsel asked the plaintiff, did my
client enter into a positive agreement
to marry you?" "Not exactly" she
replied; "but he courted me good
deal, and he told my sister that he in
tended to marry into our family"


A fellow rushed into an Office this
morning with the interrogation
Whats the difference between the
mice that have just been eating my
greenbacks and the Epistles of Paul"
All present subsidized, and he gasped:
"They're both scripchewers, and then
rapidly proceeded to the door.


Henry Eyre and his mother in law,
Mrs. Wood, who recently gained
notoriety by running off together from
Portsmouth, Virginia, having got clear
Of the courts have eloped second
time. Henry Eure a fool.


When the Arkansas census-taker
next goes round he will find Peter
Dayton missing from earth. The old
man found package, and threw it
into the fire to see if it was powder or
sand 1t wasn't sand.


Said a Detroit lady to a small boy
whom she found crying in the street,
the other day: "Will you stop crying
if give you penny ?" "No," said
he; "but if you'll make it two cents
I'll stop if it kills me-"


Harry, after looking on while his
new little sister cried at being washed
and dressed the other day, turned
away, saying, "If she screamed like
that in heaven | don't wonder they
sent her off.


DR.. Cuyler wants young ladies to
band together and say; "No lips shall
touch my lips that have touched bot
tle." Rather rough this on the fel-
lows that were brought up by hand.


A Milwaukee paper says: "What is
wanted in Kansas is more telegraph
poles, or stronger ones. The average
pole holds only about four horse
thieves comfortably"


One of the meanest little things on
earth is to throw n small watermelon
aud hit political speaker in the pit
of the stomach just as he is explaiMiRa
the Dred Scott decision.


The excuse of a young lady to her
minister, who caught her mapping, was
"Do YOU not think that young ladies
had better be fast asleep than fast
awake?"


The young women of Lansing,
Michigan, draw fast young men into
their temperance meetings by the
handkerchief mode Of signals.


A clergyman at Paris, Ky, stopped
his prayer to lead an unruly man out
by the ear, and then went on "As /
was saying oh, Lord"


If a man really wants to find out
what's in him, let him go TO sea. The
rough weather will generally enable
him to ascertain il.


No man can read about all these
burglaries without determination to
have his wife sleep on the front side