Year: 1867

Against all chambermaidsi Of whatsoeter
age or nationality; launch the curse OF
Bachelordom Because!


They always put the pillows at the OPP
poste end of the bed from the gas-burnef,
so that while you read and smoke before
sleeping (as is the ancient and houored
custom of bachelcrs) you have to hold
your book aloft, in an uncomfortable posi-
tion, to keep the light from dazzling your
eyes.


When they find the head removed to
the other end OF the bel IN the not ling,
they receive not the suggestion in friendly
spirit, but glorying in their absolute sove-
reignty, and IMPLYING your hel plessnesS,
they make the bed just as it was originally.
and gEoat in secret over the pang the
tyranny will cause you.


| Always after that when they find you
have transposed the pillow, they undo your
work, and thus defy you aud seek to en-
bitter the life God hath given you.


If they cannot get the light in an in.
convenient position any other way, they
move the bed.


If you pull your trunk out six inches
from the wall, so that the lid will stay up
when you open it, they always shove that
trunk back again. They do it on purpose.


If you want the spitto0n in certain
spot, where it will be handy, they don't'
and so they move it.


They always put your other boots into
inaccessible places. They chiefly enjoy
depositing them as far under the bed as
the wall will permit 1t is because this
compels you to get down in an undignifiel
attitude and make wild sweeps for them in
the dark with the bootjack and swear.


They always put the matchbox IN some
other place. They hint up new place
for it every day, and put bottle, or soms
other perishable glass thing, where the box
stood before. This is to cause you to
break that glass thing, cropping in the dark,
and get yourself into trouble.


They are forever and ever moving the
furniture When you come in The nightyod
can calculate on finding the bdread where
the wardrobe was in the morning. AMI
when you go out in the morning, if you
leave the slop- bucket by the door and the
rocking chair by the window, when you
come in at midnight, or thereabouts, you
will fall over that rocking chair, and you
will proceed toward the window and sit
down in chat slop tub. This will disgust
you. They like that.


No matter where you put anything, they
will take it and move it the first chance
they get. 1t is their nature. And, be-
sides, it gives them pleasure to be mean
and contrary this war. They would die if
they couldn't be villains.


They always save up the old scraps Of
printed rubbish you throw on the floor, and
stack them carefully on the table, and then
start the fire with your valuable manu-
scripts. If there is any one particular old
scrap that you are more down on than any
other, and which you are gradually wear
ing your life out trying to get rid of you
may take all the pains you po sibly can In
that direction; but it won't be of any use,
because they will always felch that old
scrap back and put it in the SAME old placs
again every time. 1t does them cool.


And they use UP more hair-oil than any
six men If charged with purlonins tile
same, they lie about il. What do they
care about a hereafter! Absolutely nothing.


If you leave your key in the door for
convenience sake, they will carry it down.
to the office and give it to the clerk They
do this under the vile pretence Of trying to
protect your property from thieves-but
actually they do it because they want to
make you tramp back down stairs after it
when you come home tired, or put you To-
the trouble of sending waiter for ii, whiclr
waiter will expect you to pay him sume-
thing. In which case suppose the poor
degraded creatures divide.


They keep always trying to make Your
bed before you get up, thus destroying
your rest, and infcting agony upon you =.
but after you get up they don't come any
more till next day.


They do all the mean things tffev can
think of and they do them just UHt OF pure
cussedness, and nothing else


Chambermaids are dead TO every humans
Instinct.


| have cursed them in behalf Of odtraaet
bachelordom. They deserve it. Ii car
get bill through the Legislature abolish.
ing ehan1bermaids, mean to do it.


MARE TwAtH'