smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1878

To THE EDITOR OF THE HERALD


Your nomination of Andrew II. Green for King Of
Bulgaria is the very best that could be made He is
the right in the right place No other that
/ have heard Of is eligible. He understands the
languages least. if he cannot speak it uently. he
write it elegantly His throne and crown will be
after the Bulgarans have read his letter Of
ceptance. They will say he is their coRntryman;
that he can write in their beautiful language tho
write in any other that born Bulgarian could
not write any better than he the language OF the
country. We can spare him. Such he can
always be spared. / got card of his to put in
print it took me two days and three nights to read it
and set it up When first got it the foreman told me
it was a card from Mr.. Green in relation to
controversy that was going on between Mr..
Green and Mr. Martin. of the Park Commits
sion. If the foreman had not told me
who it was from could have told what tho
name was / asked some Of the men who were work
ing with if they could read it, they gave it up and
asked me if l would not please ask them "an easier
one" One fellow said he thought it Russian;
another said it Hebrew still another said it
ancient Sanscrit and so on and so on


After they all had passed opinion said
thought it was Bulgarian. ana was going to ask the
foreman for the necessary type &C., to set it up in
that language. understand the language. LEARNED
it in Hoboken. The foreman gave me leave to
take it home and read it at my leisure. Ho
said il it took week to do it. it would
be all right; that Mr.. Green would probably dispute
the bill and take it to the courts and then get udg
ment against himself with costs for plaintiff, &c.
Now, Mr.. Editor. you have. in my opinion, nomi-
mated the right man. second the nomination with
all my heart. But want you to tell Mr.. Green that
when he becomes Andrew l. want good position
for my service.


NJ r. DONOVAN with an "O," Printer.


NEW YORK, Dec. IA, 1873.
Year: 1878

WASHINGTON, Dec. Is 1873.


Under the general resolution Of investigation
adopted by the House last session the Committee
on Naval Affairs made investigation of the ad-
ministration of the Navy Department by George NJ.
Robson, the late Secretary. The investigation
COMPLETED and the report prepared few days
sented because objection was raised The report
was adopted by only the democratic majority
of the Naval Committee, the minority members all
withdrawing from the committee room when the
subject was brought up the ground that they had
not been given notice of the intentions and plans Of
the majority. Early this session Chairman Whitney
informed the committee that he purposed presenting
the report to the House at early day. but before
doing he would like the minority to take some ac-
ton in the matter. copy Of the report was given
to Mr.. Harris. of Massachusetts, the senior
member of the minority, with the under
standing that the republicans should read
it and inform the committee at it's meeting next
Tuesday what line of action they will adopt The
the House next Tuesday, with the accommodation
that it be printed and recommitted. The minority
members will, it is said present minority report
dissenting from the conclusions of the majority


REVIEW TESTIMONY.


The review of the testimony taken by the commit
tee and the summing up of the majority presenting
Mr. Robson for indictment are follows:-


Your committee has also more especially to call
the attention of the House to the expenditures made
IN the period of time commencing with the close ~
the fiscal year. June 30 1870 down to juno 80 1877
which were as follows:-


[rhese were the eight years of Grants adminstra-
Year: 1878

To THE EDITOR OF THE HERALD


II you want king for the Bulgarian Atrocities,
can give you one. and of us. 1t is have
no doubt tough job. and apprentss will do.
Them Bulgarians "too fresh;-' they have been
ground down by the Bashi Brooks and such galoots
and cannot be trusted with wild freedom at frst
They will want to be kept down to starvation wages
for years to come: they will want king that can
make Promises and break Them they will want to be
kept at work fourteen hours out of twenty four and
bounced II they grow Take Phillips. of the Third
Avenue Railroad l have been Bulgarian the
cars under him for years; he give the biggest
Boshi Bizook there is three spotters two carhooks
and one indicator" and still go him one better.
give King Phillips character that will make the
Roosians grab for him. He is the man for the Bull
garian Thrown, and ready to chuck him
He my first choice but if you think he is not close
enough take that nice old Bugar, old Hart himself.


CAR DRIVER.
Year: 1878

Mrs. Margery B., my great aunt, had
thousand pounds to her portion, which
our family were desirous of keeping
among themselves, and so used all possi-
BILE means to turn her thoughts from
marriage. The method they took was,
in any time of danger, to throw a new
gown or petticoat in her way.


When she was twenty-five years Of
age, she fell in love with man of agree
able temper, and would have married
him had not my grandfather dressed her
in suit of fowered satin, which dis
PEELED the ardor of the lover.


In the fortieth year of her age she
was again smitten, but was prevented
by tippet, which was presented by an
other related in the plot. This, with a
white sarsanet hood, kept her in the
family till fifty.


About sixty my aunt would certainly
have eloped had not her brother advised
her tn wear cherry-colored ribbons, which
was the last expedient to preserve the
thousand pounds in our family.


Moral-If ladies dress to please men,
there is nothing more touching than q
beautiful woman in q plain Dress"
Year: 1878

For the union of courage, fortitude,
and physical strength, there is still
much. to be accomplished that will give
man name in this nineteenth century
of ours. Neither Livingstone nor STAN
ley wa, ever markable for the posses
sion OF extraordinary intellectual power,
but their journeys in Africa will make
them memorable as long as pluck and
geographical science are held in honor.
They, and notably the latter, did what
no other white man had eyer done be-
fore, but they did it in the service of
humanity. Through their efforts in the
not very distant future the energies of
the great nations of the world will find
fresh vents, and they will have achieved
much in the grand work of retaining
and civilizing Africa. There is the
North Pole. No man now living can
tell what discoveries in science and geog-
raphy vet remain to be made there, and
when the great work is done at last, the
very humbfest associates in the enter
prise will share in the glory and renown
Of the leaders. When they return,
however humble their homes may be,
they will be the heroes of the whole
country, reckoned among the benefactors
of rhe world, as men who have added to
the great storehouse of knowledge. There
are mountains in Afr ca never yet trod-
den by the foot of white man, and
many valuable discoveries in botany and
hundred other things await the men
who first ascend their slopes and climb
their cliffs. There are Alpine peaks
still to be conquered. The true secrets
of the geography and the resources Of
enormous tracts of land in South Amer.
lea have never been fully unraveled.
Four-ffths of Australia has never been
traversed, and in fact nearly half over
the earth there are abundant chances
for being the first man to do what has
never been done before, without going
to sea with ones wife.for sole compan.
ion in the shell of a twenty-foot cork.
boat.
Year: 1878

THE boy who grows up with an over
whelming fear of dogs will not develope
in a book agent in after lille.


THE corner grocerman can't palm of
any stale mackerel in Japan. The law
over there requires fish to be sold alive.


The telegraph tariff between France
and Germany is four cents word.
Germany gets the most for the money
in bulk.


There may not be any fail" in the
bright lexicon, etc., but business circles
seem to have all they care to- handle in
that line just now.


IT is ten times easier for man to
thread a needle than for young lady,
with high heels and false hair, to become
student in Quaker college.


IT looks now as though marvels would
never cease. A New Hampshire genius
has gone into the manufacture of canned
hash, and is actually making money at it.


The unrelenting wiseacre who plays
sad havoc with the fruit crop every year,
is little behind time this season in
sending his report to the press that the
buds are all killed.


WHEN Lycurgus ordered the Spartan
mint to make three-cent piece as big
and heavy as grindstone, he was de-
termined to keep county treasurers from
yearning to travel abroad.


A WOMAN will face frowning world
and cling to the man she loves through
the most bitter adversity, buts she
wouldn't wear hat three weeks behind
the style so save the government.


THERE may be an eternal fitness in
all things, but it's mighty hard for an un-
shackled mind to make out why asoap-fat
man should have voice as plaintive and
full of woe as camp-meeting exhorter.


DID you ever read a patent medicine
advertisement without thinking it would
have made Solomon feel as though he
hadn't got much farther along than the
halfway house on the road to wisdom


WHENEVER man begs a chew of the
weed, he is doing little something to-
ward keeping the wolf from somebody q
door. The tobacco interest in this
country gives employment to more than
a million persons.


THE discovery has been made that
the world does not revolye with the
same momentum it did thousand years
ago, but it still swings around fast
enough to satisfy the man with heavy
note coming due.


AN exchange publishes a column of
things that Washington didn't know.
1t neglects to mention the fact that he
did know how to tell the truth-a
variety of knowledge about as scarce as
shinplasters in present times.


A TO DTH-PICK can sometimes give
more consolation than a whole volume
of proverbs; but the tobacco-chewer,
with a mouthful of hollow teeth,
will always feel that the "cud of
contentment" is hard thing to masti.
cate.


THE tel phone may get to be as COM
mon after awhile as broken-bladed jack.
knives, but the English language will
never stand on the top rung of perfection
until it contains genteel, hightoned
word that will mean all that horn
swoggle" " implies.
Year: 1878

He was The orfulest liar ever seen,"
said Cooley O'Leary, as we returned
from his friends funeral. "Why, he
told me once that he lived on small
island in the Pacific Ocean, on which
there was a volcano. And he said that
there was on active demand out in that
the bu iness of raising them. And he
said one year his whole crop failed ex-
cept one melon, and that kept on grow
ing at such fearful rate that it crowded
him off the low land and up on the side
of the volcano, which generated steam
and caused an explosion which blew up
the whole concern to atoms, and shot
him four hundred miles out to sea, where
he was picked up by whaler. He used
to tell that the one great mistake of his
life was that he couldn't drive plug in
the crater of the volcano SO as to make it
water-tight, and then slice upon the wa
termelon and come sailing home on the
half-shell. ...--


"He would lie. He said that once he
was cast on an iceberg, with no bag
gage but a pair of skates and a fishing
pole. But he skated around until he
came across a dead whale, frozen into
the ice. So he took off his shirt-it was
night for six months that year up there
tore it iEto strips for wick, run the
strips through the bamboo fishing rod,
stuck the rod into the fat of the whale,
and lit the other end. He said it burned
splendidly, and the iceberg reflected the
light SO strongly that it was bright as
day for forty miles around, and one yes.
sci ran into the iceberg, thinking it was
lighthouse. He said he sold the ice
berg to the Captain for fifteen thousand
dollars, and the Captain split it up and
took it home and made two hundred pei
cent. profit disposing of it to ice com
panies.


Lie? well, sir, he best any man
ever came across. Told me that once
out in Nevada, a mountain lion attacked
him, with his mouth wide upon. HI
had the presence of mind enough tc
grab it by the tongue and pull. The
lion roared with pain, but he did hi
level best pulling, and pretty soon the
tongue began to give and the tail t
shorten, and directly out they came, tht
tongue and the tail in one continuous
string. He said he had 'em at home
and he showed 'em to me, but my belle
is they were only three or four COW
hides and bulls tail dovetailed to
gether.


"He was astonishing as a truth
crusher. Said he served on a gunboa
during the war which was very small
and light, while the mortar on the decl
was very large and heavy, and he saic
the first time they tried to fire fifteen
inch shell, the shell remained station
ary, while the recoil was so great it f.e,
the gunboat four miles up stream ant
landed it in q tree. He was a liar
but now that he's dead l reckon he'll
ketch it."


There was no donbt about it; MI
O'Leary's friend was very successful a
constructor of energetic works o
fiction.
Year: 1878

The Agricultural Department is send
ing out circulars to hotel keepers with
the request that such statistics may be
furnished in return as will enable the
Government to form an intelligent
opinion as to the maximum capacity of
the human stomach. If Uncle Sam
really wants to take short cut to The
bottom Of this conundrum, let him buy
out good-sized provision store, and
hire growing boy to help him invoice.
Year: 1878

WHEN a man in a railroad depot
springs skyward with a bound that
loosens the plastering, and makes a mo-
ton as though he was going to pull a
revolver and kill somebody, while he
throws out torrent of words that leave
a taste of sulphur in his mouth, the
probabilities are very strong that some
wicked bootblack has picked up tack
and laid it on the seat point upward.
When woman turns paler than a gray
horse, sets her lips like wise, clutches
her dress and arises somewhat precipi-
lately, as she rolls here eyes, and twists
up her face with an expression that
loosens her back hair, the old man in
the opposite corner don't have to be
told by his wife that the young lady is
thinking the most unutterable things
against the originator of the pinback
that ever found lodgment in the brain
of mortal being.
Year: 1878

NEW YORK Times: A Kentucky man
of notoriously convivial habits explained
that he wore Murphy ribbon in the
hope that somebody would ask him to
drink in the expectation that he would
refuse.
Year: 1878

Of these proprieties, to resent them,
as we'll as the disabilities they pro-
duce, and finally, il circumstances
favor, to set them at defiance, and
to admit that she is "fast" merely
for the sake of going her own way
and living her own life. 1t is done
every day by girls who have not the
slightest intention of doing harm
or getting into harm, who are just
as pure-minded as their sisters, who
are simply resentful of the endless
fences in the path, and unable to
believe that they were set up from
any motive but perversity. Itseems
SO absurd that in a civilized country
that cannot come in and go out as
they please, cannot make an ap-
pointment without asking permis.
sion, cannot meet friends of the
other sex as they will, cannot even
select their own reading without
passing the books under some sort
Of strict or lenient censorship.
Year: 1878

When his mother rose she was ter
ribly frightened at the sight. She
awOke the boy who explained his
presence by a peasant fable, and
then took the opportunity to once
more beseech his mother to dismiss
her lover and return to the path Of
honor. She, however, lost her tenn
per, and ordering the child to hold
his tongue, dismissed him curtly.


THE FATAL DEED.


This action OF the widow decided
her son to carry out his murderous
resolution. The following night
he again entered his mothers bed
room and, finding her asleep, with
one blow of the hatchet he killed
her. He then took the body, which
he dragged to the grave he had
prepared, and there inferred it.


The trial of this strange parri-
eide is progressing in the town Of
Valok, in the government of Khar-
kow. Seldom have the Russian
people been so interested in a Grim
inal trial, but the sight of a child
nine years old standing in the dock
as the assassin Of his mother is well
calculated to excite the compassion
ate sympathy among a people by
whom the family ties are regarded
with something Of the respect o
the patriarchal times. Mr.. Vladi
mir, professor of criminal law a
the University of Kharkow, hai
spontaneously undertaken the de
fense of the unfortunate child.
Year: 1878

The public will please take no.
tice that the Mechanics Store re-
ceives new goods nearly every day,
and we wish to state that the pub
lie will find our prices lower than
elsewhere. We intend to give you
low prices at all times, and 1t will
be great advantage to you to pat
ronize the MECHANICS STORE, 40
MAIN STREET., opposite the Saint
Charles Hotel.
Year: 1878

ANOTHER HONEST conscientious ury
has been found that rendered a lust
verdict in the case of Harley g. Brown,
the train wrecker. There was scarcely
anybody who thought that Brown
ought to have been cleared and neither
did they think that he ought to suffer
the extreme penalty OF the law, and
therefore the great majority Of the pro-
pie will greet with satisfaction, the yer
dict of manslanght-r rendered which
conslgns him to an Imprisonment of
from one to five years, besides a fine Of
from 800 to $500. The thought of hay
ing been the instrument Of launching
four souls into eternity by his nliscre-
tion will be more punishment to Har-
ley &. Brown than any other punish
ment ich could have been imposed
short of the death penalty. Mr.. Brown
has reason to be very thankful for his
narrow escape from an ignonnious
punishment, through the unprrjudiced
action of an honest jury.
Year: 1878

ance, and neither Democrats nor Re-
publieans will find much in 1t TO con-
denim.


This Ia q very sensible criticism by a
Democratic contemporary and quite
different from the estimation in which
other State papers Of the same politics
view 1t. This is niuch more sensible
way of viewing things Bro. Transcript,
than to fly into fury for the sake Of
opposing every thing a Republican
President might say.


From the Newark Ledger.


By his manly and fearless course
Senator Bayard has won the respect and
esteem of honest men of both parties,
If he is not placed to the front in 1880
it will be owing to the lack Of common
sense which has of late years marked
most Of the actions of the Democratic
party. ..... ..


All that our valued contemporary
says may be true, but even If Senator
Bayard is placed upon the track as the
Democratic candidate, our neighbOr
certainly does not think he could be
elected as parties are now constituted.
The party to which he belongs is too
much afflicted with the Greenback her
esy to make Bayard its candidate, and
another sure indication of defeat is the
fact that the solid South is beginning
to favor him. No man upon whom the
south solidly unites can he electd.
President Of these United States in 1850


We have to compliment the Le'iyer
upon its mild view OF the Presidents
and also for an able editorial
in favor OF such state legislation as will
compel an honest collection ofthe taxes.
Year: 1878




Perhaps in nothing is reform 50 muc
needed as in the manner of conductin
funerals, and if we wanted to indnlg
in a long article we might use consid
cradle space in condemning the extrav
agance and useless expense of funeral
to which many are put who are no
able to bear the expense, but it is il
relation to another phase of the ques
tion that we would call attention AM
suggest reform. Owing to the manne
in which funerals are now conducted
there are too many who attend them a
an occasion for feasting, for display ant
idle curiosity, all repugnant to thu
solemnity which should characterz
them. There is no time when tn,
hearts of the near relatives of the de
ceased are more bruised, lacerated ant
bleeding, and no time when sympathy
consolation and quietness are mor'
needed than when in the presence o
the remains Of loved one, which will
soon be consigned to mother earth, anc
vet it must be admitted that as a ruls
the present manner of conducting fun.
erals has directly opposite effect. All
bereaved families generally, whether
members Of church or not, desire the
services of some Christian minister. In
that hour they feel that they are in
the presence of death that the Most
High is very near, and they feel that
they want consolation and instruction.
As the hour for the funeral draws nigh
the minister is there in response to the
request Of the btreavrd family, and is
ready to act his part in the Masters
service, but instead of finding every
thing calm and quiet, there is the con-
fusion of persons passing in and out,
doors opening and closing with harsh
grating sound, the creaking of boots
and shoes are heard as persons ascend
and descend the stairs, and the rafting
OF dishes in an adjoining room, reminds
those who are seeking for calm and
quiet, that many care more for feasting
at the feast than they do for weeping
with the sorrowing. These annoyances
alone, to say nothing about any others.
call for a reform, but how is it to be
accomplished ? A writer in the West
Chester Local Ne,rS, upon this subject,
says that the religious services, which
are for the family, should be held at &
time apars from the funeral. Then lei
the family and those who truly sympa.
thize with them meet at the house on
the evening before the funeral is tc
take place, or at some other convenient
time, and then let the services be held as
quietly and with the same decorum as
if held in the house of God. Ender such
circumstances such services are far more
impressive and much better calculated
to attain the ohjec. for which they are
held.


Then at an appointed time let the
family with their relatives and more in
innate friends, meet and quietly follow
the remains of the loved one to the
grave, and there, with no gaping world
watching in order to crafty curiosity
or indulge in remarks about the de-
meanor or apparel of the mourning
ones, let the last sacred rites be per
formed. This would be departure:
but in view of the desirable end to be-
accomplished the person who would in.
sugurate sucha system would be pub
lie benefactOr.
Year: 1878

You've G1RLs.-Our young girls
do not understand the witchery Of
bright eyes and rosy lips. but set
off their beauty by all The artificial
means which lie in their power,
never rejecting that by so doing
they destroy their principal charm
that of innocence. Their round
ded cheeks, the bright eyes, the
waving hair of a girl in her teens
need only. the simplest setting.
Rich fabrics and sumptuous adorn-
ing are more for the matron, her
dress gaining in ample fold and
graceful sweep as she puts on the
dignity Of years. The seasons
teach US something here, if We go
to nature for an object lesson. How
different her charm from the deep,
maturing summer, when the bues
are decided, and the air is loaded
with perfume from a thousand
censers. The school girl is only
on the threshold of summer.
She has not crossed it yet. Let
her copy the sweet grace of the
spring on her graduation day, and
discard artifciality for nature.
Year: 1878

FRIENDs.-People who have warm
friends are healthier and happier
than those who have none. a
single real friend is & treasure
worth more than gold or precious
stones. Money can buy many
things good and evil. All the
wealth of a world could not buy a
friend or pay you for the loss Of
one. II have only wanted one
thing to make me happy" Haz-
litt writes, "but wanting that have
wanted everything." And again,
"My heart, shut un in aprison
house Of this rude clay, has never
found, nor will it ever find heart
to speak to-" We are the weakest
of spendthrifts if we let one friend
drop off through inattentioa or
let one push away another or if
we hold aloof from one for petty
jealousy or hcedless Sights or
roughness. Would you throw
away a diamond because Is pricked
you? One good friend is not to
be weighed against thejewels Of
the earth.