Year: 1879

AS Companion to a Lady"


I'm very sorry, miss, but I'm only a
poor woman myself, and if you can't pay
the rent of this room, don't see as you
can afford the rent of the one upstairs" !"


Here the landlady rubbed her nose
viciously upon her apron, and stared
straight out of the very dirty window.


AS this was evidently challenge to
me to reply, l said, as firmly as l could,
a few words which brought out the rea-
son for the wOman's visit that morning.


"Am to understand, then, that you
wish me to leave?"


"If you please, miss, at the end of the
week, for there's the gent on the first
floor would like to have this bedroom" !"


Every well, Mrs. RuddOck," l said; 81
will find room elsewhere"


"Thanky, miss" she said, sharply; and
giving her nose another vicious rub, she
left me to my thoughts my tears.


For was weak, faint and heartsick,
and the coins in my purse had dwindled
down, so that if l did not succeed in OBJ
tanning an engagement in a very few
days l had no recourse but to creep back
to the country and avOw my failure.


Just three months since, and we were
all so happy in the little country vicar
age; and then, in visiting one of his peO-
pie, my poor father caught dangerous
fever; while in tending him my dear
mother was stricken with the same COM
plaint, snd ere three weeks had passed
Minna and | sat in the little study alone,
in deep black; for the struggle had been
brief, and those we loved lay together in
the green churchyard, and we were only
intruders now in the little vicarage that
had been our home.


We were nearly penniless, too, but a
brother clergyman of my fathers, quite
as poor, came forward and offered us a
temporary home till, as he said, some
opening should occur for rs.


l gladly accepted it for Minna; but for
myself, l was determined tu try great
London, and, unaided, battle for myself.
In two years John Murray WAS to come
back from Australia to take lne for his
wife, and till then l would be independ-
ent. So the day came at last when, with
many tears, we two girls had to separ-
ate, and with aching heart l left the old
Lincolnshire home, and reached the
great dreary void of London early one
afternoon.


was not long in finding place where
| could stay, in the shape of a second
floor front room in one of those heart
aching streets near the Founding
streets that echo from morning to night
with mournful cries uttered by vendors
whose goods it is impossible to surmise,
and with the dismal echoing tones of
the various organs. So painful were the
these last to me, that often of an eve
ming, when have returned from a wea-
ry, disheartening search for an en-
gagemeit, and sat alone and hungry,
fearing to spend money in anything be-
yond the tea and bread and butter upon
which l existed, these doleful strains =
cheering, maybe, to some-have had such
an effect upon me that have sat and
sObbed till, utterly worn out, l have fall
en- asleep, to wake, perhaps, hours after,
to find it very late, and crawl shivering
off to bed.


AS the weeks passed on my advertise
ments and fees paid to the various regis
try offices had been without effect, used
to crawl back to my room, growing more
disheartened. was always plain, sal
low-looking girl, and now in my fast
wearing black, began to feel that L was
day by day growing more shabby and
weary-looking, and that my feeble chan
ces of obtaining post were growing
less and less.


1 used to sit and ask myself whether l
had tried hard-and l knew / had-but
it was always the same. Whether had
advertised for a situation as gOverness,
or went from registry Office to offer
myself a companion to a lady, it was al
ways the same. Noticed a look of dis
appointment as soon as / entered the
room, for l was neither pretty nor bright
looking, and my mOurnful black helped
to sadden my aspect. 1t was always the
same-the lady did not think l should
suit her, and in blank disappointment l
had to return.


And now l had come to this-that my
landlady had grown tired of me as the
people at the registry offices, where l
had more than once been told rudely
that was not likely to get place as
governeSs or companion, but had better
look lower. That afternoon, evidently
suspicious of my ability to pay, and per-
haps disgusted with my miserable way
of living, and afraid l should be left an
invalid upon her hands, she had rudely,
it seemed to me-requested me to leave.


In my present circumstances was
utterly prostrated by the news, for |
dared not take lodgings elsewhere; and
l could see nothing now but to sell a
portion of my scanty wardrobe and go
back to beg for assistance from my IA
ther's friend.


What changed and how soon had my
hopes of independent action been blight
ed! | was heart-sOre as | felt that in
that great city there was wealth being
squandered, and luxry around me while
l was literally starving; for my poor liv-
ing was telling upon me fast. What
should do? What should / do?


1t was with weary iteration / had
said these words and wept till tears came
no more, and dull stolid feeling came
upon me. had almost SHRINK away in
the streets from the bright-faced, happy
girls passed, and at times | found my
self asking what had been my sin that l
should be thus punished?


lay awake tnat night for many hours,
watching the light from the street lamp
playing upon my ceiling; and at last, to-
wards morning. the remembrance of the
words i had often heard came to me