Year: 1879

This is the latest case of Gmisnomc~ to hand:
A sensitive Vermont editor has found it ne
cessary to publish the following card in his
paper "Some people have the vulgar habit
of calling me Bill; that is not my name, nor
any part of it, My name is William Palm
er. forgive all past offences but if any
person ever calls me Bill again, after publ
cation of this card, shall take it as a
downright insult, and just as much of an
insult as though he had called me by any
other hateful name that is not my own"


The following is said to have been taken
from the pocket of young man who was
found downed: "Dear Toni write this
letter to inform you that it's all up with us.
Father says that you are Democrat and
wear No. 10 boots, and he would rather not
have me marry Democrat. Mother also
says that when you were here the other day
you made fun Of her pot of soft soap, and
that young man who goes back on soft
soap will go back on any girl after he gets
her for wife, And, besides, l heard that
you took Stclle Browne out to ride last Sun
day night Now, I'll be yanked out of bed
by the hair of the head at midnigat, Tom, if
| amt sorry but it's no use; it's all up with
us-now, you bet. Yours, EN-"


On one of those sunshiny days of last
week, young man in Mauch Chunk wrote
us follows to friend in Philadelphia -
/ I.rha nast C,u, Iovs Of enrino-l lilo ,,ao tb ar
suggest thoughts of house-cleaning and OF
the time when our city and country cousins
will come to spend the summer vacation at
/ the Switzerland And, by the way, we
just recallj the time is approaching for the
advent Of the hand-organ men. We hope
to see great improvement this coming sea-
son over last in the matter of hand-organs
here, both in the number and the quality Of
the organs l am convinced that nothing
so detracts from the popularity of summer
resort as the knowledge that the place has q
poor hand-organ corps. If any of the organ
men who were here last season think Of re.
turning this, hope they will have some
new tunes kicked into their organs before
they come. Nothing but the jumping tooth
ache is equal to a played-out organ. Ifany
attempt is made to palm off sorry, bakert
dozen of organs on Mauch Chunk this sum
mer, an anti-organ club will be brought L
bear upon the matter"


The following scene took place the othel
day in a Paris restaurant on the occasion o
a wedding dinner. An awkward waiter il
attempting to place on the table the soul
tureen filled with fat chicken broth, spilled
its contents on lady's white satin dress
The lady screamed and was seized with hys
terics. The waiter stopped and shouted il
her ear; "Don't despair, madam, there
plenty of broth yet left in the kitchen.


am going for it now"


The man whose pantaloons bag most a
the knees isn't necessarily the man VIII
prays the most. Sleeping in day coacl
with your knees propPed up against the sea
in front Of you will wreck the knees of
straight pair of pants quicker and more sue
cessfully than two years Of prayer meeting;
There is an old saying that Chicken
come home to roost." Smythekins says it.
a lie. His pet Shanghai rooster went owe
-, to a neighbor's the other day and has nc
) since been heard from. Aud besides tn
y minister has since taken tea with the neig
! Dor, and smythekius strongly suspects this
e he took part of the rooster.


J, In the churchyard ofChildwall, Englan
% there is this curious epitaph;


Here lies the remains of Thomas Wo0dhen,


The most amiable Of husbands and excelleI


Of men.


n, Bills real name was Woodcock bl
it would not come in.rhyme.