Year: 1879

I'LL dIJICle OH Glo GWO ToCeuG N0COeSs


If any one thinks old Dame Nature
don't know her biz let him climb up in
the barn and offer crumbs to setting
hen.


When ladies order slippers a couple
sizes too small for them, you can make
up your mind that the crOquet season is
on it's way.


We believe this will be very poor
circus year. We haven't seen a single
account of lion or tiger breaking loose
and eating up four horses and plumb
er.-[ Detroit Free Press.


1t is one of the physiological mystic
ries why boys hand will blister so
much sooner on a hoe handle than they
will on base ball bat [Steubenville
Herald.


"No, can't stay" replied a gentle
man who was invited to stay all night
at the house of friend "Before morn
ing my wife would be out with a Ian
tern, like Diogenes, hunting for an hon
est man."


A man intruded into an Irishman's
shanty some time ago. "What do you
want ?" asked Pat. Nothing" was the
visitors reply. "Then you'll find it in
the jug where the whiskey was.'


81 wonder, uncle," said little girl,
eff men will ever yet live to be 500 or
1000 years old ?" "No, my child" re-
sponded the old man, ''that was tried
once, and the race grew so bad that the
world had to be drowned"


Zone more question, Mr.. Parks. You
have known the defendant long time
what are his habits-loose or other
wise 2" "The one he's got OIL now,
think, is rather tight under the arms,
and too short-waisted for the fashion"


A farmeis having lost one of his
sheep, said to a neighbOr: "YOu know
that big wether l had out in that lot.
Well, | found him dead this morning,
and now, what l want to know is,
whether the weather killed that wetber
or not"


A poor but high spirited woman in
Chicago pounds an old rag on the kitch
en- table every morning to make her
neighbOrs believe that she has beef
steak for breakfast.


After the usual explanation to fresh
man class, in regard to laws and GUS
toms of the college by the class officer,
when opportunity was given for ques-
tiOns on points not fully understood, a
freshman raised his hand, and in voice
full of anxiety, asked: "Professor,
what time do we have breakfast 7"


A Dutchman once met an Irishman
on lonely highway. AS they met
each smiled, thinking he knew the 9TH
er. Pat, on seeing his mistake, remark
ed, with a look of disappointment,
Faith, an | thought it was you, an
you thought it was me, and its naythur
of u.s." ''Yaw, dat is dru. am anud-
Ell man, and you is not yourself and we
are some other bodies.n


Once upon a time, it is related in the
Chicago Tribune, Jake Mason went to
donation party where six farmers
were to contribute Il jug of milk apiece
Well, one mana very mean man-this
mean man was Jake Mason thought
it would not make any difference if he
contributed water in place of milk; so
he filed his jug with water, and took it
to the donation. When he got there he
turned it over the bung and it ran into
barrel where all the other farmers had
turned their milk. Now, what do you
think was the result7 Why, every one
of the six farmers happened to be as
mean as Jake Mason. They had all
brought water


And now the good man of the house
getteth up with the sun and arrayeth
himself with pair of Overalls and a
linen ulster, and taketh his hoe and
goeth forth to battle with the weeds
that Obstruct the growth of the flowers
in the front yard. And while digging
about the roots of beautiful "bolog-
MI, In Il E,ll


its root, and it Topped over and is no
longer thing of beauty. And the good
man is sOrely troubled, and quickly
sticketh it back in the warm soil of the
garden, and leaveth it and keepeth
mum. And tomorrow he will call his
wIfe's attention to its dying condition,
and will pretend to find an ugly and
wicked cut-worm, and will hastily crush
1t into the ground with his boot-heel.
And he will mourn with his wife and
comfort her, Peck's Milwaukee Sun.


Yesterday forenoon farmers horse
and wagon were hitched on Congress
street, near Lirned, and after the man
had gone into the store an individual.
who must know something about human
curiosity, walked slowly down to the
wagon and carefully examined n hind
wheel. In ten seconds he was ioiBed
10y two boys. In minute there was a
crowd of six. The man looked at the
wheel from one side and the other, and
The increasing crowd did the same. In
three minutes there were twenty peopIe
around the wagon. Some looked over
into the box and some at the wheels.
but no one said anything. The man
first mentioned seized the wheel and
shook it, and then measured one of the
spokes with a pocket rule. When he
had finished the crowd numbered forty.
No one could say what had happened or
was about to happen, and the mystery
was fast becoming intense, when cor
pulent citizen bore down on the crowd
and cried out: "What's the matter
here,--any one been huIt 2" "No, sir.n
was the quiet reply of the man with the
pocket rule. "What is it, then q'' 81
was looking at this hind Wheel
what's the matter with the wheel ?n
asked the fat man as he seized and
shook it. Nothing" The fat man
scowled, clinched his hand, looked up
and down and then slid, and in thirty
seconds no one was left around tho
wagon but small boy who was trying
h6NrN IL IL