Year: 1879

1 SAShCSs
The early pill catches the cucumber.


1t pays better not to do wrong than
to do it and then repent.
Somebody says very beautifully, a
good life is visible philosophy.


The best armor against temptation is to
keep out of the range of its guns.
1t is fact worth remembering that it
does not take half as long to make
wound as it does to heal one.


The amount of pin money required by
the married woman depends on whether
she uses diamond pins or rolling pins.


No man ever lived who had only one
fault. A single fault has both sexes in
itself, and is sure to beget large family.


thus far there hasn't been enough
blood shed in the Chile Peru war to feed
dozen full grown New J,rsey mosqui-
toes


Luck is q good thing, but one can net
always afford to wait for it Pluck Is a
better thing, because it is always ready to
begin.


This time, according to the Adventists,
the world will end July 11th. The ice
dealers will thus lose portion of their
crop.


"Treat all murderers alike" yells an
exchange. Exactly; or better yet, don't
treat EN- at all. Send them off on a hemp
tie stomach.


Soon the small boy will make his proud
boast that he goes in swimming six times
daily, and in the early fall will climb the
golden STAIR


A correspondent of the Boston Tran
script suggests the following change in a
familiar line :


Men must work and women must walk.
The penalty of lying in Siam is to have
the mouth sewed up. Such law would
not be executed in this country There
isn't enough thread.


A domestic named Angelica Jordan has
passed over her last name and becomes a
portion of her first. She attempted to
kindle fire with coal oil.
A bachelor cynio remarks that it is sin
gular how early in life child gains the
reputation of resembling the richest and
best looking of his relatives.


Two men started out to see which could
tell the biggest lie. No. commenced
"a wealthy country editor - No. 2
stopped him right there and paid the for
felt.


Trying at the same time to drink in the
beauties of the bonnets of two ladies, who
who are walking in opposite directions,
has made many females cross eyed for
life.


A little boy being asked If he had
reached the head of his class, said "Fm
where the head of the class used to be,
but the teacher has turned the class
around.


If man poisons a woman, it is MUIR
der in the FIRST degree. II woman poi
sons man it is murder in the second de-
gree. And yet woman keeps clamoring
for more rights.


"Never mind, sonny, the rain makes
little boys grow, remarked a Massachu-
setts tramp the other day, when he took
silk umbrella away from a lad in tho
midst of a rain storm.


A dry goods clerk in Shelhyville, I'LL. D..
swallowed a twenty-five cartridge re-
Gently and none of the ladies of the
town dare "set cap at him for fear he
may go off.


An old Judge told a young lawyer that
he would do well to pick some of the
feathers from the wings of his imagiEa-
ton and stick them into the tail of his
judgment.


Indiana is the happiest state in the
Union. It's anti-guack regulations have
suppressed thirty-six hundred doctors
This makes Indiana the healthiest state
in the Uuion.


Miscegenation dosen't pay in Indiana
except the state Last week William Mel
son, a negro, was fined five thousand dol
lars and sent to the penitentiary for a
year for marrying a white woman.


A young CLinaman has been recently
ordained deacon in California. He has
chopped off his queue and dresses in chris
tian clothes. We will next have the cler-
gy crying out against Chinese cheap la
Dor.


The London Times says of the Califor-
MIA constitution I" 1t is a surprise to
the world. 1t is the most astounding in
strument ever framed for the government
of community "Dom thin English
ers to hill :" cries Denny Kearney. "And
what how thin to do wild 1t


With the summer comes dullness and a
slack up of news for the papers So fiat
are things in New York that the reporters
of the leading dailies are writing up three
column accounts of thrilling adventures
in investigating haunted houses And
they never find a ghost either.


1t makes mothers heart revert to her
young days when she comes into the par
lor the next morning after her daughters s
beau has been around and finds only one
chair in front of the fireplace, and all the
Others sirting along by the wall, as if they
hadn't been touched for three years


It has been discovered that when a st.
Louis girl bathes her feet in the Missis-
sippi at the big bridge, there is no trouble
in the largest vessel hoatlng through the
ietties. This fortunate circumstance will
doubtless insure Capt Eads getting an
extra half-miliion from tie government.


The lady who married the coaehman
intended to keep the affair secret, and
had some reason to think that she could
do so. as she had four lady conhdants as
bridesmaids to help her keep her OWN
confidence. Nevertheless it got out, and |
at once the principal and four confdants
naturally suspected the preacher Of tel
ling about 1t
"While heiresses in the East were en-
paped in marrying coachmen and big buck |
niggers, says a Western paper. . Dako'a =
has set the noble example OF winning a
rich merchants daughter with poor cav


nd q