Year: 1878

The nearer man is to being fool the
more absolutely certain he is that he is
nothing of the kind.


VERY few brass bands in military
parade can play as many airs as the
drum major puts on.


SoTHERS's practical Jokes" are ex-
trenely silly. They are worthy of his
brother "Tham.'


IT may sound like a paradox. vet the
breaking Of both wings of an army is a
pretty sure way of making it fly


A GENTLEMAN, reFrimanding his little
son, was surprised to hear the youngster
observe " Father remarks are unneces>
gary"


Mrs. MOORE, the sweet singer of Mich.
igan, thus explains the origin of her
fame: When we commenced to take the
papers | saw them printing poetry not
half so good as mine and then thought
bow nice it would be to publish some
myself, 30 | sent some pieces to the pa
pers."


"MAMMA, where do the COWS get the
milk" asked Willie, looking up from the
foaming pan OF milk which he had been
intently regarding. "Where do you get
your tears?' was tue answer. After a
thoughtful silence he again broke out:
Mamma, do the COWS have to be
spankedY


The sympathetic man of the Burling-
ton Hawkeye says: zone of tine most
pitiful spectacles in this cruel winter
weather is The sight of shivering wasp,
who fooled around in the autumn sun
sh ne until his house was closed for the
season, and be locked out without night
key in MS pocket"


Poor FRENCH. Timothy French. Mr..
T. French, of Pittsfeld, Massachusetts,.
He had $4,000. Bis wife coaxed him
TO give it to her. Then she up and died.
French mourned, but his tears suddenly
dried when he discovered that she wllled
every cent to her relatives and left moth.
ing for him. Poor French. French of
Pittsfeld.


The Washington Post tells the story
as literal tGct that member of con-
grees told a colored boy who had charge
Of his room to take lot of old papers
and sell item, and promised him thai he
should have half the proceeds. The boy
obeyed, and returned with nine cents as
gross receipts. The member pocketed
five and gave the boy four cents.


A WOMAN in St Louis, crazed by the
death Of her husband, resolved to kill
her baby and herself. She raised knife
over the child's cradle, but her arm was
held by her ten-yesr-old. During the
whole day the lad defended the baby
from his mothers repeated attempts to
take its life. At last she relinquished
her efforts and poisoned herself.


WHEN YOU see a man with a long
willow switch in his band, sneak
cautiously down to the back fence,
aud stealthily pull himself up un-
til his head is above the top of it,
and then look anxiously, longingly, and
with a disappointed expression withal,
up and down and all around vast, life
less, uninhabited scope of vacant lot,
without q sign Of human life about it,
you may safely bet -FOUR little pile that
there is broken window in that mans
house, and a twelye-year-old boy about
thousand miles away and still going
Burlington Hawteye


FROM time immortal the pillow has
been a 'avorite weapon Of juvenile COM
bat. When held by the loose end OF the
pillow case - the latter very tightly twist
ed into the sembance of stout rope-it
becomes weapon equally adapted for
the use OF either sex. Who d es not
rec0llect the pillow fights 0 his boyhood,
and the carnage and broken glass which
accompanied them2 There was the fery.
assault OF the enemy from the next dor
mitO,y the fierce resistance with which
it was met the turning Of the tide Of
battle; the panic.stricken flight OF the
enemy through the midnight ball; and
the armed Intervention OF the school
teacher, who arbitrated on the spot and
sent the combatants back to their beds
with beating hearts and tinging extrem-
ities. Fierce As these battles were, the
only serious wounds were those sustained
by crockery and other light articles OF
furniture, and il boy occasionally wore
rather too much nose the morning after
fight, he could readily explain it by the
theory that he rose up in the night IN
order to study his cateChism and scel-
dentaily walked against tie stoVe'piPe'