Year: 1874

down on his knees, seize her jewel
ed hand, and breathe his deep affec-
ton in the tender accents offond at
tachment, and swear "by yon bright
orb above us, always to be timer"
Did he, l say? You can just bet he
didn't. You can lay out your whole
revenue safely on that. William
knew too much about the price of
pants to 60 Topping around on the
wet grass with his good clothes on;
besides he never cared anything
about streamlets or any kind of cold
water, except to mix with his gin.
No, sir; it was exceedingly strange
but this infatuated William met her
at the alley gate, and stood upright
and said:


"Say, Mol, = old gal, s'posen wc
get hitched?"


But how did Mary behave? Did
she go dropping to sleep over on
the bricks in dead faint, or did she
hide her gentle head on his shirt bo-
som to conceal her bushes. No.,
she didn't, and she didn't say, 81
am ever thine, my own love, dear
William!" Oh, my, no. She look
ed right into his yellow eyes and
said:


"I'm in Billy; Pm:the gal for these
sort of things. Go in"


And instead of referring him to
her father, she onl y said:


"Won't the old man bust right
out when you tell him? Ha! ha! and
she laughed.


But she didn't ask William to try
to molify her foud father. No, 70.
She very wickedly advised him to
spoke the old gentleman in the nose
if he gave him any of his lip She
was a funny girl, this Mary.


Now, the old man wasn't wealthy
for he sold soap-fat for living, and
so he didn't think Bill was nosing
around for his stamps; so, when Bill
asked him, he neither ordered him
fiercely away, nor did the dewy
moisture gather in his eagle eye as
he passed his hem-stitched up there
and said "Bless you my children,
bless you!" Oh, no, nothing of the
sort. He jast blew his old red nose
on his bandanna and told Bill to
take her along, for he was glad to
get rid of her, he was, and William
would be the same way pretty soon,
for she was awful rough OH victu-
ais, and always broke plates when
she got mad.


SO you see, there really was no ne
cessity for William to come at mid
nights solemn hour, in cab, and
throw rope-ladder up to her win
dow, and whistle three times on his
fingers, and then 60 up hand over
hand, and bring her down in one
hand and her trunk in the other,
and a handbook and umbrella under
each arm, and whole lot Of bun
dies, and then get into the cab and
fly to some distant shore. That's
the way it would have been in nov
ell; but Bill said he wasn't on that
lay, so he just went out into the gar
den, and out of pure joy he skinned
the cat three or tour times on the
grapevine arbor, and then went and
got his butcher cart, and then drove
her right down to the magistrate,
to get the job done for quarter
for he said he was some on the low
price, he was.


But the very queerest thing of all
was, that Bill had no tall, dark, ruff
tianly rival with a scowling visage
and black whiskers, who flew at him
with 4 drawn dagger and horse
pistol in each hand, and y muttered
curse upon his lips, aud cried wild
ly for "Revenge! Ha! hal" and said
"Deathw and civilian, thou diest"
Not any. There was another fellow
in love with Molly, to be sure, but
he was a weak-eyed young man who
had sandy hair and wore spectacles
and a choke collar, and always look
ed scared when you hollered at him.
So, when he saw that Bill had the
best of the girls affections, he look
ed all serene, and said, "Go in Bill
ly, if you banker for her;" and as he
was a trifle on the banker he sailed
right in.


SO William, you see, had no trou-
bic at all-and you couldn't get up
an agonizing novel about him ifyou
tried. He didn't have any urgent
| business that called him to 4 foreign
land, and so he hadn't to bid her a
fond goodbye and swear always to
be true, and then go away end for
gel her and fall in love with dark
eyed Italian girl, picking grapes in
a vineyard. with square towel
folded on her head, while this for
gotten and forsaken Mary gradually
faded and pined away, and baffled
the physicians skill, and grew pal
er, and at last when the June roses
were in bloom, lying gently down
to die, while through the open win
dow floated in the balmy odor of jcs-
samine and honeysuckle. And
William didn't come home at last,
and, filled with dcathlcss remorsc,
60 daily to the sweet cemetery and
strew flowers on the grave and
teach his children to lisp her name.
Not at all. This is the way Mrs. <.
d. +. n. Southworth would have it
done, but she wasn't round. Billy
was butcher who wore white
shirt and shiny hat, and he stayed
at home and killed beef and sold it
at a big price and stuck to Mary,
and she kept healthy and wasn'; a
bit on the pine or the fade, while if
any of the fellows go to lurking
| around William went ont and hat