Year: 1878




NOW no MANAGE noG,


Al midnight the summons came Maria
Ann thrust her elbow cleverly between
two OF my ribs, and whispered in ghostly
accents; Joshua; there is a hog in the
garden. hsye lived with Msris long
enough to know that she expects me TO
catch her ideas instantly, aud although
ste had not said anything about ii, !
knew that she anticipated that would
Immediately rise in my might aud go for
that hog. accordingly rose in my might
aud began cropping about for my panta-
looms. felt that without them | could
not appear to that advantage that would
command the respect of the hog. | had
no idea we possessed 80 much wearing
apparel until began TO Inventory II in
the dark, while looking for my pauta.
looms. | got hold Of articles with edgDg,
and articles with founces, aud with en-
broidery, aud with strings, while Maria
kept whispering through the gloom;
That hog will eat up all the potatoes be-
fore you get down stairs. You are fear
fully slow. suppose she whispered for
fear the hog would hear her aud become
offended. She never could bear to give
any oilense, not even to hog, excepting
me. All this time was trying on things
tbat did not fit me, but finally | lit into
some sort of garment that had what
was intended for row of buttons on it,
aud ! buttoned il up, although there was
a light and airy cheerfulness about it that
did not seem entirely familiar. | got
half down stairs, when II suddenly occur.
red 10 me that the hog was not in our
garden, for the very good reason that we
had no garden for hog TO get into, still
we had cisluru, aud the hug might yet
into that, It would be just like hog.
This thought so startled me that | rolled
down 10 the bottom of the stairs, feat
made easier from the fact that seemed
to be pretty well tangled up in the gar
ment bad adopted Maria Ann, who
always proves equal to any emergency,
soothed me good deal by coming to the
top Of the stairs and calling me an idiot,
and other pet titles she is in the way of
applying in moments of tenderness.


| got out of the front door as soon as
possible, and the hog, who was looking at
the house from the front yard apparently
with view Of renting it, stood appalled, =.
| did not wonder at this. In my haste
In dressing had inadvertently put on
Maria AIMS p0lonaiSe, and il stands to
reason that man arrayed in a white
night-shirt and a blue po}onaise rushing
from the front door Of house al the
solemn hour Of midnight, must present
sn appalling spectacle to any hog After
recovering from his momentary astonish-
ment, the hog took three more kinks in
bis tail aud scooted three times around
the yard. The front gate was wide open,
but he never thought Of going through
that. lie seemed to be looking for a
good place TO jump over the fence, !
tangled myself up in the po'ondise again
and took q ing leap into the yard, land
ing on my lett eyebrow. We donot give
women half the crdt they deserve. |
am convinced that it fequiles more down.
right genius to pilot pot0Haise, cut
with darts in the back, and trimmed
with knife-pleating, than II does TO man
age a national presidential convention.
The hog ran around the yard three times
more in the opposite direction, with four
kinks in bis tail, | am slow to wrath,
bat am afraid was beginning TO get
mad, and when went around behind
the house aud got a Ratchet, am obliged
10 confess that II was with a firm purpose
to kill that hog or die trying To- ! don't
think the hog had noticed the woodsbed
until went there for the hstcbet, bnt
when ] returned TO the front yard, be i'm.
mediaiely retired TO the woodshed, and
then knew bad him cornered. Maria
by this time recovered her presence OF
mind, and had got her head ont OF front
window, upstairs, aud was yelling fire,
with her might aud 10 way calculated
to be OF luegiimabIe service 10 me. All
needed to spur me on 70 glory wac some
one TO yell fire. entered the woodshed
cautiously and found the hog completely
at my mercy, unless be made a hole
through the kitchen door, and escaped
that way. He did not do that On the
contrary be rushed right al me. step
ped back rather hastily, not because be
scared the any, bat to prevent him from
tearing my pOtonaase. 1 am careful 70
keep hogs of my poloAaiae, 20 lar as il
possible. There was wash-iub fall oI
suds behind me, aud as / stepped back
ont Of the way of the bog, 10 q ft Of ab,
sent mindedness, sat IN the tub II may
seem curious, bat my recollection now &
that the tub hlted me a good deal NOR,
snugly than the pot0ndtss bad, And yet
bad never tried that tub on before 10 Al
my born days. The only way out Of ih'
+ tub was 10 tip Il over, and hoAt out OF
The snds, and that at once did. Maria
till true to me IN my sfiliction, opsnes