Year: 1863




A CHAPTER FROM ORPHEus C. KERR's LAST
The City of Washington, my boy, WITHOUT her
Congress, is like a maiden without her pighted
yuung man. She surveys herself in the mirror
Of the Potomac, and says she +" Where's my
Congress. without whom am like gas bracket
deserted by its old flame Z" Alas, all flesh is
gas. my boy, and some of our Congressman are
very heshy. Their presence IL Is that makes
Washington light for the world, and many OF
,hrm who once rode high horses have alghted.
Al the present moment our distracted country is
cnveloprd in darkest night, and The day seems so
far OH that many Mackerels despair of ever So =
Ing pay day even. At such time what ?. nless-
ing is that Congress which burns to il,amine us
after the manner of an elaborate chandelier. It
passes away to leave everything dark it returns
and hehoid all is darkey.


was IN my room, a. my hotel when Congress
commenced to arrive, conversing with Captain
BOT Shorty and as seedy looking, middle aged
chap rassed on the opposite side of the street.
the captain looked out of the window, and says
ne:


"That's one of the new legislators, my Py
thasn


:" How can you tell new Solon from an old
ore p says curonslv.


WHY" says Captain Bob Shorty. profoundly
" An old Congressman never wears a tall hat
An old Congressman" says Captain Bob Shorty,
sagely, "always wears soft bat, so that it won Il
be Injured by being knocked over the eyes"


poudered deeply over this idea, my boy, and
II seemed TO me that a soft hat must be the real
Cap of Liberty.


Passing over the organization of the Senate
and House, which suggested thoughts Of ancient
Rome nhout the time she was saved by geese, ]
shall proceed to notice the Message which our
honest Abe fired into Congress from his intelec-
tual breastworks during the week


You have undoubtedly read this Abe L. paper,
L., IN, fha iinhl Ia. Inuru ma nal
due allowance for the typographical outrages
committed by printers of opposite politics but
there was one portion of ii gotten up for the
honest Abe by the Chaplain of the Mackere
Brigade. and this portion is so mutilaied in the
publishing that cannot refrain from giving you
he true version. Speaking of the cost to the
country Of emancipation with compensation, the
Chaplain wrote:


"Certainly it is not so easy to pay something
as it is TO pay nothing but it is easier to pay
small sum than il is to pay large sum and it
is easier to pay any bill when we have the money
than it is to pay smaller bill when we have no
money. Compensated emancipation requires no
more money than would be necessary to the pro-
gress Of remunerated enfranchisement, which
would not close before the end Of five hundred
years. At that time we shall undoubtedly have
five hundred times as many people as We have
now provided that no one dies in the meantime;
and supposing the premium on gold to increase



- last census was taken, the premium on the specie
belonging to five hundred times our present pup
ulation will be amply sufficient TO pay for all
persons Of African descent


g do not state this inconsiderately At the
tame ratio of Increase as we now realize, Ameri-
can gold will soon be worth more than oil En-
rope. We have ten millions nine hundred and
sixty-three thousand miles, while Europe has
three millions eight hundred thousand, aud yet
the average premium on specie in some of the
States is already above that of Europe. Taking
the brokers in the aggregate, find that if one
gold dollar is worth s 80 in one year,


1t will be worth So 60 in two years,


" " 3 go "


5 20"


" so" 4"


This shows great increase. If gold dollar
is worth Sc 50 in five years, it will of course be
worth S3,250, or five hundred times as much in
five hundred years. Thus when our population
is FIVE hundred times as great as at present, sup
posing each man to have single gold dollar the
premium Of $3250 on his gold dollar will enable
such man to purchase thrty-two and half per-
sous Of African descent from the loyal savehod-
trs of our Border States, at 81 piece, though
he would be virtually expending but one dollar
himself


" This scheme OF emancipation would certainly
make the war shorter than il now has prospect
Of being in a word il shows that dollar will
be much harder to pay for the war than will be
dollar for emancipation on the proposed plan"


You will observe. my boy, that this same great
mathematical idea is advanced in the Message us
it is printed but our Honest Abe has chosen to
vary the terms somewhat. II you have gold |
. dollar, my boy, salt it down for five hundred |
years. and some future generation of offspring
will call you blessed for leaving them them S.
700 in postage stamps.