Year: 1861

One reason why it is so difficult to pleas
. woman is, that she seldom knows hrrsel
what she wants. In most cases it is al
hard to satisfy woman as it would be I,
content a captain who should set you t.
steer his ship, and wouldn't tell you wheth
er he wanted to go to Jersey or Japan
They Ooa't be satisfied, whatever you may
do


Especially in the matter Of war.


Particularly in the matter Of the present
war. Your wife, or mother, or sister, o,
whoever may be the woman that owns you
refuses to be content, no matter what you
do. II you don't join military company
she sulks, insinuates that you are coward
turns up her nose, and wishes you were a
man" If you do join said company, she
scolds about the expense grumbles at the
loss Of timc,' and growls whenever you @
to drill-though, in spite of her growing.
she always saves the choicest part Of the
dinner for you when you do come home.
Then she laughs at you and calls you a
dressed-up monkey the first time she sees
you in uniform; and then, as soon as you
are gone out of the house, she rushes over
to Mrs. Jones to tell what splendid Off
GER her husband is, and how magnificent
ne looks in his new military dress.


Then, if your regiment is ordered away,
and you inSinuate that business fairs will
Keep you ut home, all her fire is blazing in
an instant, and she upbraids you for back.
ing out at the critical moment, and insin-
yates that you are a 'play-boy SOLDIER and
then she wishes she were a man-she'd
show folks how to fight Then, when you
finally make up your mind to go to the seat
OF war, she bursts into wet tears (Which
spot your new uniform and tarni.h the
gold lace on your sleeves, and thinks you
ought to be ashamed to go off and leave
your family She vows she don't believe
you care straw for your wife, or cent for
your children; she knows you would
rather be anywhere than at home,' and
wishes she We're man, she'd teach thc
President better than to send men away
from their families


Then when the day comes for you to
start, she VOWS she'll never speak to you
again if you persist in going Then when
you take paper out of your pocket, and
pretend to read furlough from the CON-
,nanda"t, excusing you and giving you
leave to stay at home, she throws her ap-
ron over her head, sits down on the floor
AMI howls aloud, TO think she should have
o coward for d husband that her 'hus-
band should be afraid to 60 to the wars
And then when you tell her that it's all a
mistake, and that you are going after all,
She howls louder than ever, because she
knows that you'll be killed. or she feels
1t in her bones that you'll come home with
two wooden legs, and then how can you
take her TO the Academy or Opera nights :.
Then she resorts in turn to every one Of
the Immense lists of female tactics to keep
you at home-she sweeps, she b..ntcrs, she
pokes fun at you-she wishes she was
man she gets mad-she sulks-sh,,
threatens to go home to her mother-shc
coaxes- she won't ever live with you
another day'-shs scolds, she entreats, and
as last resort, she faintS--in this case
she always falls into your arms if you
max an effort to catch her, if you don't
offer, and if its early in the morning, and
she hasn't made her bed yet, she'll fall OH
the bed but il the bed is made up nicely,
she falls on the carpet so as not to mu>s
the bed; but if the fainting dodge don't
work, and you still are resolved to 60, she
vows she hates you, and that she'll never
speak to you again, and then to prove the
bitterness Of her hate, she goes off and
packs your haversack full of all the dan.
ties and delcacies of the season.: then, af.
ter all, at the very last moment, she comes
and throws her arms around your neck,
and whispers that she loves you best of
AL the world and that she'll be such
good girl till you come back, and tina,
she'll take su.h good care of the children
and that She write every blessed day
and that you must write just as often as
you can, and that she loves you best, best,
best and thousand other little messages
only lor you, but all kind and loving, and
all told without a tear. for she doesn't cry
until You are out Of the house; then when
you are gone, she weeps like a shower bath
for half an hour, then suddenly stops short,
wipes her eyes, and doesn't waste another
tear till she sees you again.


That's the way they: all do; and, talk as
peacefully as you may, she is never salts
tied in her heart till she sees her husband
in uniform. -