Year: 1862

DoestIeks Respectfully Inquireth-what do


the Wsmen want Us to do about the War.


One reason why it Is 30 difficult to please the
women Is, that she seldom knows herself what
she wants. In most cases 1t is as hard to sat
isfy woman as 1t would be to content q cap
tain who would set you to steer his ship and
wouldn't tell you whether he wanted you to
90 to Jersey or to Japan. They wouldn't be
satisfied, whatever you do Especially In the
matter of war. Particularly in the matter of
the present war. Your wife, or your mother,
or sister, or whoever may be the woman that
owns you, refuses to be contented, no matter
what You do. If you don't join q military
company, she sulks, insinuates that you are
coward, turns up her nose, and ''wishes she
was man" II you do join said company,
she scolds about the expense, grumbles about
the loss of time, and growls whenever you 20
TO drill though in spite of her growing, she
always saves the choicest part Of the dinner
for you when you do come. "a


Then she laughs at you, and calls you Ca
dressed up monkey" the first time she sees
you in uniform; and then, as soon as you are
gone out Of the house, she rushes over to Mrs
Jones to tell what q "splendid officer her hus-
band is, and how magnificent he looks in his
is ordered away, and you insinuate that "busi.
ness affairs" will keep you at home, all her
hre Is blazing in an instant, and she upbraids
you for "backing out" at the critical moment
and insinuates that you are a "play boy SOL
dier;" and then she wishes she was a man
she'd show folks how to fight Then, when
you finally made up your mind to 20 to the
seat OF war, she bursts into wet tears which
spots your new uniform and furnishes the lace
on your sleeves, and thinks you eught to be
ashamed to 90 of and leave your family !"
She vows 'she don't believe you care q straw
for your wife, or cent for your sweet chill
dren; she knows you would rather be any
where than at home" and wishes she were
man; she'd teach the President better than to
send men away from their families


Then, when the day comes for you to starts
she vows that she "will never speak to you
again if you persist In going" Then you take
paper out Of your pocket and pretend to
read furlough from the commandant, e1-
cusing you and giving you leave to stay at
home, she throws her apron over her head
sits down on the floor and howls aloud, ''to
think that she should have coward for hus-
band her husband should be afraid
to 90 to the wars" And then, when you tell
her that it's all a mistake, and that you are
going after all, she howls louder than ever


because "she knows you will be killed." or
she feels it in her bones that you will come
home with two wooden legs, and how can YOU
take her to the Academy on opera night?
Then she resorts in turn to every one of the
Immense list Of female tactics TO keep you at
home; she weeps, she banters, she pokes fun
at y0u-she wishes she was a man-she gets
msd-she sulks-she ooaxes-she "won't ever
live with you another day''-she scolds, she
entreats, and, rs . last resort, she fants-in
this case she always falls into your arms, If
you make an effort to catch her; If you dom Z
offer, and it's early in the morning, and If she
hasn't made her bed yet, she'll fall on the
bed; but If the bed is nicely made up, she'll
fall on the carpet, 90 as not TO muss the bed;
II the fainting dodge don't work, and you still
are resolved to go, she vows she I" hates you,
aad that she'll never speak to you again.
and then in order to prove the bitterness of
her hate, she goes of and packs your haver-
sack full Of the dainties and delicacies of the
season; then, after all, at the very last mo-
ment, she comes and throws her arms around
your neck, and whispers that she cloves you
best Of all in the world, )" and that she'll be
such q good girl until you come back" and
that she'll "take such good care of the chill
dren, and that "you mustn't I fret about her, 1"
and that she will write every blessed day, and
that you must write as often as you can, and
that she Gloves you best" and a thousand
other little messages for you, but all kind and
loving, and all told without q tear-for she
doesn't cry now until you are out Of the house;
then when you are gone, she weeps like q
shower bath for half an hour, then suddenly
stops short, wipes her eyes, and doesn't waste
another tear until she sees you again. That's
the way they all do; and talk as peaceful as
you can, she is never satisfied in her heart till
she sees you in uniform.