Year: 1863




and mother with as much politeness and cor.
diality as if they were kings and queens ev-
cry one, and with as much freedom as if the
parents had not the slightest doubt that the
children-from the Oldest to the youngest
would bear themselves like ladies and gen.
tlemen. There was no forwardness on the
part of these children, as you may possibly
suppose; yet there was perfec: self-poses.
sion and each child knew that he stood up
on his own merits. l suppose that if any
one of these children had indulged in any
impropriety during this interviews not
one of them did-he would have been kind
ly told afterward, by one of the parents,
what he had done, and why he should never
repeat it. Your children (pardon me :fol
saying it,) were always awkward in company
and for the simple reason that they did not
know whether they were pleasing you or not
They had no freedom and were guided BY no
principle. Your will was their rule, and your
will, so far as il related to all the minutip oi
behaviour, was not thoroughly known; SO
they were always embarrassed, and always
turning their eyes toward you. Your entire
system of management was based on distrust,
while that of the family with which l con-
trast yours was founded on trust. Your
children, while you could possibly keep your
hold upon them, were never permitted to
outgrow their petticoats, while those of the
other family alluded to were put upon their
own responsibility just as soon as possible. Is
there is any doubt as to which system Of
treatment is best?


Perhaps you, and many others who read
this letter, think that parental authority can
not be maintained without its constant and
direct assertion. If so, then you and they
are mistaken. have known families that
possessed fathers and mothers who were hon
ored admired, loved, almost worshipped-
father, and mothers whose children dreaded
nothing so much as to give them pain-yet
these same children knew no such word as
fear, and would have been utterly ashamed
to render the assertion of parental authority
necessary. Parents and children were friends
and companions-the children deferring to
the wishes and opinions of the parents, and
the parents consulting the happiness and
trusting the good sense and good intentions
of the children. Whenever hear Young
man calling his ather the oli man." and
his mother "the old woman" | know that
the old man and the old woman are to blame
for it.


If your children had turned out well, it
must have been in spite of system of train
ing which was so far from being education
as to be its opposite. There was no inner
life organized; there was no building up Of
character there was no establishment in
each child's heart of bar of judgment-no
exercise in the use of liberty; but only re-
straint, only fear, only slavery.


do not entertain those opinions of one
variety of disorGerly families, which you and
the deacon seem TO have entertained all your
lives. | have never vet seen the house where
children were happy that did not show evil
dences of disorder and a man is fool, or
something worse, who quarrels with this
state of things. Where children have play
things, and where they play with them, there
must necessarily be disorder, and furniture
more or less disturbed AID defaced, and noise
more or less disagreeablr, and litter that is
not highly ornamental. And before children
have had an opportunity to learn propriety
of speech and deportment-before they are
educated-there will be in their conduct-in
play-room and parior alike-more or less of
irreguarity and extravaganza. Remarks
will be made that will shock all hearers /;
laughs too boisterous to be musical will be
INDUCED in; sudden explosions of anger
will occur, with other eccentricities of con-
duct that need not be named. There are
remedies for all these-in time When, in
the course of their education, the sense oil
propriety is stimulated and strengthened
and pride of character is developed, these ir
regularties will disappear, and an orderly
family vii! be the consequence, each child
having become its own reformer.


There was a feature Of your family gov
ernment (Which you held in common with
your husband,) that made still more com-
plete the slavery of your children. 1t wa.
the deacon's opinion, you will remember, tina,
a boy who was not too tired to play at bal
or slide down hill, or skate, was not too tired
to saw wood, and it was his policy to direc,
all the excess Of animal life which his bows
manifested into the channels of industry and
usefulness. You seconded this opinion, and
maintained that a girl who was not too slee
py to make dolls hat, or dolls dress, wa!
not too sleepy to hem handkerchief, or darn
a stocking. So your children never hal
what children call a good time" Always
kept at work when possible, and always re
restrained in every exhibition of the spirit o
play, home hecame an irksome place 20 them
and childhood dreary period. Your chill
dren were never permitted to do anything
to please themselves in their own way. Ev
er'hing was done-or you insisted that every
thing should be done-to please you, in you
way. If one of your daughters sat down t,