Year: 1861

7 Marriage Engagements.


There are two things which almost every one
finds IL difficult to do easily and with grace
One Is for man to announce orally that he Ia
going TO be married., and the other 10 to con.
gratulate him. Why tho announcement should
cause embarrassment is obvious. However
proud the happy lover may feel in his heart, he
knows that by saying he is going to be married
he at least exposes himself to the criticisms of
friendly curiosity. The friend to whom the an
nouncementis Is made has also many reasons for
feeling little nervous. Not being foreigner, he
cannot throw himself on his friends neck and
have good blubber, and he must confne his
congratulations within the limits of English
reserve The surprise and oddity Of the thing,
again, ,often ovefpower every deeper feel.
ing for the moment, and even the Elm
cerest and warmest friend has been known
to receive the affecting intelligence with no
other answer than one long peal OF laughter
And there Is also deeper cause Of embarrass-
ment. II Is for the pereon to whom the news Is
impaired to continue the conversation. He must
ask something, and what is he to ask2 So far
as the lady's name goes, and the place OF her
residence, all Is straightforward But what is
to come next2 IL Is absurd to ask whether she


is pretty, for II is painful for the lover, II he is
honest, TO have to say che is not; and II he says
she is, every one sets it down as natural de.
lusion Dellcacy equally forbids any inquiries
as to her money. 1t Is taking go very marketing
view to look at the affair of friends heart as
a mere bargain. The only obvious and unex-
ceptionable question is to ask whether it Is to be
soon, and TO hear whether there is to be an en-
gagement or an immediate marriage. If there
is to be no engagement, the hero is thought to
be more fortunate than ever. Not TO wait at
all, but to go In at once to connubial happiness
and the emoothest of all possible loves, is con-
sidered great triumph. The best imaginable
lot is when man has nothing to do but to hang
up his hat In his wife's house. Anything like
an engagement is a diminution Of the glory of
matrimony. Engagements are romantic, but
they are not business.like, and friends always
take remarkably business like view of each
others marriages; or, they do not do 80 really,
at any rate they pretend to do so, in order that
their reputation as smart, worldly people may
not accidentally suffer.


Engagements, however, are really the natu.
raj consequences of the modern theory of mar
riage, which supposes that unions spring from
affection based on compatibility Of temper,
tastes and principles. Long engagements are,
in their way, bad things, but they are justi6ablel
bad things. If two persons love each other
and love is the one great thing in their lives
that makes their lives valuable-it is very
difficult to show that they do not gain by long
engagement. II is said that the girl loses the
best years Of her life, and wastes away with
out the happiness and respectability Of being
married. Observations like these clearly pro-
ceed from the secret belief that one man would
really do as well for her as another, But this
Is not so where the heart truly and sincerely
loves. No man or woman of q really tender
and constant nature, and once absorbed in a
great passion, either refused to enter on a
long engagement, or regretted having formed
one. rr -r.. f1


The lovers themselves certainly profit by an
engagement Of some moderate length preceding
marriage. It's not only that they learn to know
each other. and have opportunities of seeing
whether the desired harmony really exists,
but many fine feelings never blossom at all ii
marriage mediately follows on chance ac-
quantanceship. The niceties of courtship are
superseded. by this levelling rapidity. In the


fret place, there are no letters, or, at any rate,
none worth speaking of. Thereis a smack of
furniture and dress about the correspondence
of couple that will not condescend to wait.
Now, on all the principles of romance and
poetry, letters are amongst the choicest flowers
Of love. They express feelings which would be
nipped in the bud IL they were not put on





a sensation, and very pleasant sensation, and
why should 1t not be experienced2 Probably
many engagements are shortened purposely,
because one, or both, of the parties are con-
scious that they have nothing to say. But real
lovers can 60 on for pages, and, what is more,
can bear to read the pages they receive. A
lover-a truly happy, ardent, passionate lover
can stand crossing and scented note-paper, and
both are trials to the male heart in it's natural
state. Poetry, too, ought to be written-or at
least there ought to be songs without words
passing to aud fro. Young people cannot be
much in love II they do not have "imaginipgs."
But IL they are to be married Immediately,
poetry is quite out Of place. II q wife is ga
bargain" no one who has just paid earnest for
her is likely to sing hymns to her, The Arab
wrote his pretty verses to the horse he supposed
he was going to lose, and not to the one that was
Just being ttotted to his tent. There appears to
us to be no answer to this argument in favor Of
"engagements." The pleasure they offer Is one
which marriage does not offer; therefore, to-
forego 1t 10 tolose something, and the something
that is lost Is the very thing which is supposed
to be the leading characteristic Of English
matches. lfevery one went through the love
vicissitudes off novel, there would be no ne.
cessity for an engagement. Ifthere was always
stern father who interfered exactly when q
passion had been formed, il the parted couple
were being continually thrown together by the
most astonishing condolences, and { the sudden
wealth and dignity Of the hero ultimately brought
every one round, there would have been plenty
Of loye-makipg, and the sooner the parson was
applied to the better. But in real life things
are tanner. Ifan Immediate marriage is i'm.
possible, Il is generally q choice between total
separation and an engagement, and If the lovers
adopt the latter course, they gain more by Il
than they would have gained BY being married
Immediately is, If they have any taste
for the poetcal and any feelings to express. II
not, the sooner they get to paying taxes and
ordering dinner, the less will their course in life
be riflled.-7E English paper. s -..,