Year: 1868

am little boy about so many years old !:
| don't know whether I'm good little boy.
but L nj afraid not, for sometimes do wick ed
things. and once l cut my sisters kittens
tail IF with the chopping knife. and told her
big dog came along and bit off and swallow
ed it down before kitty could say Jack Rob-
inson, and sister said she was sorry. and il
must have been very naughty dog, but
mother did not believe me, and said she was
afraid | had told lie, and Pm afraid had.
Then mother said there was dreadful stage
of sin, and then Bob hollered and said that
he guessed | was on it," and then she
whipped US and sent us to bed without any
supper, but | didn't care for arg -. PR. for
they hadn't nothing but bread and butter
and tea, and Bob and l got up, and he lifted
me 10 at the pantry window, and we got a
mince pie and a whole hat full of doughnuts,
and they thought it was the cook that stole
'em. and sent her away the next day, and Bob
said he was glad of it, for she didn't make
good pies, and the doughnuts wasn't fried
enough, and sometimes do swear, for said
by golly the other day, and sister heard me
and she told mother, and mother said l was
bad boy, and would 5ring,her gray hairs to
the grave, and she whipped me but don't
think it did her gray hairs any good, and it
hurt me, and when got up stairs said gosh
darn it, but said so she didn't hear me, and
when she asked if did not think l was
wicked, | said | was afraid | was, and was
sorry for it, and wouldn't do so any more,
and then she said was a good boy, and then
told me about George Washington, who cut
down the apple tree, and was caught at it,
and said he did it with his little hatchet Just
as though | hadn't heard all about it before,
and didn't always think him big stupid for
cutting wood when they had a hired man
about the house, and dulin' his little Ratchet.
and besides, it would have been a great deal
jollier to let the apple tree be, so as be could
have stole the apples off in the fall. | don't
care if he was the father of our country, he
wasn't smart, and | bet you the boys in
our school would cheat him out of his eve
teeth swapping jack-knives. and / could lick
him and hardly try, and don't think he was
very healthy either, for l never see a good
boy that wasn't always sick and had the
mumps and measles, and the scarlet fever.
and wasn't a coughing all the while. and
hadn't to take castor oil and could not eat
cherries, and didn't have his head patted till
his hair was rubbed off by everybody that
came to his mother's and be asked how old
he was, and who died to save sinners, and
what he'd been studying at school, and how
far he'd got and lots of conundrums, and
have to say his catechism no, | shouldn't
like to be good little boy, Just as lief be
an angel and be done with it l don't think
ever shall be a good little boy, and other
people don't think so too, for | wasn't never
called a good little bow, but once and that
was when my Uncle John asked me where |
stood in my class, and told him it was next
to the head, and he said that was right and
he gave me quarter, and when he asked
me how many boys were in the class, and |
SAID there were only two, myself and little
girl, and then he wanted me to give him
back his quarter, and wouldn't, and he ran
after me and stumbled over chair, and he
broke his cane, and hurt himself and he's
been lame ever since, and I'm glad of it, for
he isn't my father, and hasn't any right to
lick me, for l get enough of that at home.
and the quarter wasn't good one either. |
don't like Uncle John, and | guess he knows
1t, for he says I'm not like any of the family,
and he says he expects I'll go to sea and be
pirate instead of a respectable member of
society, and should not wonder for I'd
rather be pirate than a soap boiler like
him. l don't care if he is rich it's a nasty
business and | shant have to be pirate
neither, for one can make lots of money with
out that; and they are always talking to me
about being rich and respectable, and going
to Congress and being President, and all that
sort of thing but don't want to be Prse-
dent; There is Lincoln, he was President,
and | guess he's sorry for it now; aud there
is Andy Johnson, | guess he don't like it
much either; and fellow doesn't have to
be respectable to be Congressman, for theirs
John Morrissey and he has got nice curly
hair and nice clothes, and he don't do any
work either; oh, know how these things
are done but there's Bob calm me- and
we're goin bird's-nestin', for l know where
there's a yaller birds nest chuck full of
eggs; mother says it is cruel, and the birds
don't like it; that | wouldn't like to have
my eggs stole if l was bird, and | don't
think should but l amt bird, you know,
and that makes difference, and if YOU want
to print this you can, for next to being a
stage driver and pirate, I'd like to be an
editor, for you fellows don't have to tell the
truth, and you can go to the circuses with
out payin'.