Year: 1864




! To the Editor Of the Chicago Post:


! You will pardon me for dating my letter
at no place in particular, as that is where
happen to be at the time Of writing it. [
presume you care nothing about the date; it
is of little consequence. For nv own part,
don't care a fig about dates, but I am es-
pecially fond of prunes.


/ left Chicago soon after the trees com -
menced leaving. / make practice of GO.
ing into the country every summer about
| the time musketoes begin to get ripe, but 1
had made up my mind to remain at home
this season, and should have done so, if the
city had not become too hot forme. When
/ speak of the city, do not allude exclu-
sively to the temperature of the atmosphere;
another sort of fear had something to do
with the affair. l did not anticipate bodily
| injury from any particular quarter, for there
were not many quarters in Chicago when 1
| left, but to speak plainly, I felt little
alarmed lest the whole city should come
down on me. 1t was no uncommon thing
for me to meet brickbats coming around
street corners, when least expected them ;
and whether | expected them or not, the v
were always upwelcome visitors. On one
or two occasions l was mistaken for an ed
itor, and the perilous adventures that sue
ceeded the mistake, challenge description.
You will bear in mind that don't care how
much my descriptive powers are challenged,
but don't want to be challenged myself
Every time l went upon the streets with a
piece Of white paper and a pencil in my
hands, it commenced hailing brick bats, and
whenever l went out with pair of black
pantaloons on 1 could smell powder.


The town became too hot for me entire
". l am no coward; when I meet a brave
/ al nd
offend him; but if l meet a coward 1 don't
care what l say to him. l can appreciate
bravery if anybody can.


My departure from your beautiful city,
q call it beautiful because [ have friend
in it who has a corner lot to sell and ex-
poets this letter to be read by a man in Yer.
mont who wants to purchase) was acceler-
ated by a dream which came to me one
night when l was asleep. l had an awful
dream. Unlike Byron's it was all dream,
and more too. l dreamed-that is I think
l dreamei; was so frightened that 1 will
not be positive about the beginning-that
the city was depopulsted. One third of the
inhabitants were in arrest on charges OF libel,
one third for assault and battery and gamb-
ling, and the other third had gone their bail,
and run away to keep fran paying. l alone
escaped. Methought sat upon the highest
pinnacle of the courthouse, and gazed with
sublime contempt upon all inaDim ate things
below, was congratulating myself upon
my escape from Generalization, and med-
tatiug whether L should still live virtuous
life and be happy, or share the fate of my
fellow-men, when an Ethiopian minstrel
hit me in the face with a silver cup and
blinded me. When 1 recovered it was
growing dark, and I saw caravan approach
ing from afar off, and the people bore ban
ness, on which were inscribed "Woodlawn, e"
aud they uttered loud imprecati ons against
me, and I thought my time had come, but
it had not. It was some other m ans time.
The darkness increased, and became so in
tense that it was almost suffocating. And l
saw ballon ascending to the clouds, with
a red-haired man in 1t, and the red-hared
man fell out and shot through the air like
a comet. 1 saw his red hair approaching
me, and told him he couldn't come it, but
ne did He struck me violently, knocked
me from my pinnacle, and awoke. Then
| it occurred to me that [ was right, and
rushed out of my house to meet another
! brick bat-the same one that had met three
times before.


On this hint left the city. am pleas
antly located, the scenery around me being
surprisingly beautiful, and devoid of brick
bats. The crops bid fair to be exceedingly
! fine. If we don't have some rain soon, they
will be finer than they ever were before in
the world. In those districts where birds
are numerous, corn comes up soon as it is
planted. A great many farmers have not
planted much grain this season, and the
products of their farms will be very small
potatoes. When the mania for erecting
new buildings shall have disappeared from
Chicago, and brickbats become less numer-
GUS than they are now; when Long John
shall have restored peace and quietude, and
arrests are no longer a necessity, or-"wher
this cruel war is over" 1 may return. IN
til then, am, trarquilly,


BEAU HACKETT