Year: 1859




When it should walk! when it should
walk, and when 1t should speak its
mothers name! When it did, the child
mother lay in her grave in the Protestant
cemetery at La Rochelle, and the boy
father took it there to strew flowers on the
turf.


When first awoke from the stunning
effect Of the blow, [ was like a ship that
struck full by tremenduous breaker,
stands for moment paralyzed and griev-
ing, then staggers blindly on. without rud-
der or compass, both swept away in the
general iuin. hs


The wild spirit within me, which the
peaceful and innocent happiness OF the last
two years had soothed and stilled, broke
forth again, and my first impulse was 10
rush from the scene of my lost felicity,
and in lie of reckless adventure seek to
lose myself and the recollection ofall | had
won, all 1 had been bereft Of in that short
space. r..t


Thank God, had the child. That
saved rue.


And now at twenty-one. when most
men have hardly made their frst start in
life, /, father and widower, had passed
the first stages of my manhood's career,
and was about to gather up'the shattered
fragments of my youths hopes and pros
poets, and try and patch them together to
carry ,ae through he rest Of it.


At first my father, now all affliotion and
sympathy, since the change my marriage
had brought, urged my returning with the
child to England. But this a strange
feeling, partakiug perhaps more of jealousy
than anything else, made me decline doing,
On Mabel, ''Ma-belle' as Suzanne used TO
call her. half-believing that that was really
the translation of the name, Lad now con-
centrated all the love and interest of my
life. Here she was all my own, was all
hers; nothing, nobody, could lay any ol''ir,
to the love, the time or the attention OF
either, so as to distract it from the other.
No one could exert influence or authority
over either to the exclusion or prejudice,
in however slighta degree, of the other.
Nv child bad no mother; no one else
| therefore, however near or dear, should
in any degree supply her place but my
self. ! wol Id be all and everything TO her
and if she never missed her mother, 1t
should be to me alone she should owe 1t.
A foolish thought perhaps, perhaps a sell
fish one, yet who shall say, seeing from
what it doubtless saved me?


Happily the child was healthy, sweet
tempered, and really, all paternal illusions
apart, singularly beautiful and intelligent
My baby, my little Queen Nab! see hei
now, as in her black frock and straw bal
! L used 10 carry her forth at FIRST in the still
warm evenings, when the glow and the
glaze of the day had passed by, and the
sea -bseeze stirred the roses in their gar
den.


With her I did not feel quite so fright
fully alone: her signs, her attempts a
speech, her little willtulnesses, her caresses
her ceaseless claims on my aid and atten
ton, withdrew me as nothing else coulc
from constant brooding over my loss
Later, when ! could bear i'll could not
for long time-I used to take her to th'
chatairneraie, where l was wont to watct
for Suzanne, and sitting there as OF old
leave her TO play or the grass beside me
while with half-shut eyes, l gazed on th'
glowing spot at the end of the green walk
dreaming, dreaming, with gnawing a
my heart, ofthe shadow that used to eros
it. of the footstep that used to come along
that shaded alley, of the pause with thu
hand on the wicket. Then l remembered
that now not all the yearning and craving
of my soul could, as fancled it did
old, bring her one step nearer to me: am
then my grief and desolation would tln'
vent in passionate tears, and the child
who was too well used to see me weep t.
be alarmed, as children mostly are, woulc
climb up on my breast, and draw m.
hands from before my face, and kiss an
soothe me with her sweet baby caresses
1t was a great though secret joy to me
and though gentle and tractable to all, sh
could be SAID to love no one but me.
think the excellent pastor guessed tn
existence of this feeling; for fond as he wa
of the child, and strong and natural
were his claims to her affection, he eve
avoided to put them consPicuously tol
ward, or to attempt, in any way to interler
with her management. For this, eve


more than for his many other proofs OF re
| gard and kindness, was deeply gratetu
t [ encouraged the child to be familiar wit
, him. But though she showed deterenc
and duty, and even returned his caressei
, 4 could see with secret triumph that ne
a heart was not in her acts, and that as 500


AS she thought she ought without offens
f return to me. she would glide from h
e knee, and stealing to mine, nestle on m
r breast, content to rest there till we wei
e alone again. Then the repressed spIn
a would break forth, and she was once mo-
I gleelul and joyous.


J.; Early in the morning would wake, an
o behind the half-drawn curtain, watch N
n playing, silently, lest she should distu'
e me, in the dewy garden. Wandering.
e and fro, with her hands crossed behir
g her, now pausing before this Or that tiowe
e smelling it. sucking the pea,led drops Tn
l. lay in It's cup; then racing away suddeni
q ID with q rnnr vnnnp life. pranclng al