Year: 1868

JOHN SMITH and | were close friends.
So we are still. John has sister. have
wife. His possession came to him in
the ordinary course of nature. Mine came
to me by the extraordinary process of
courtship. We are now joint proprietors
his natural claim and my vested right be-
ing in one and the same individual. I
used once to think her pretty little SIM
pleton, as her brother John said she was.
My appreciation of her beauty remains
unchanged. But as to her simplicity l
am in progress of conversion. And [ am
free to confess that when the honey moon,
now at its height, is fairly over, shall
probably be ready to concede that she is
as wise as she is good, and as good as she
is pretty. If she can be deemed foolish,
it is for marrying me. Out of respect for
her, | am determined to set that question
at rest | will vindicate her wisdom, by
proving myselfa model husband.


The man whose dear male friend and
chosen associate has a charming sister is
in dangerous case; that is, if matrimony
is to be regarded as peril. am not quite
prepared to say. In some regards it cer-
tainly is perilous; to your dead-latch key,
for instance, your tobacco pouch, your
rough and ready hat and coat, and your
rough and ready habits generally. Women
of address, and especially those who hide
their cleverness under the mask of charm
ing simplicity, like my pretty little Bessie,
can revolutionize you before you are
aware of what they are doing. No doubt,
too, husbands modify the character of their
wives. "They twain shall be one flesh "
is not meaningless declaration The
man becomes in part feminine; the woman
cIiuht1u acoulipp op6 tho fryo;,, IN, o,,o
the dual individually, is the perfection of
humanity, physically and mentally. But
| must stop this strain, or | shall be re-
jected for prosiness, and be invited for my
brilliance and perspicacity to lecture be-
fore ambitious lyceums "On the Func-
tions of the Unintelligible.


John Smith likes practical Jokes. I
don't think that do, especially when Pm
the victim. My marriage was the result of
a practical joke, or long series of Jokes, by
John Smith. It was not that he had any
such definite idea as our marriage fixed in
his mind, but thathe Systematically miSep-
resented me to her, and her to me. Now,
though | have no complaint to make of
my wife, and have not the slightest wish
that l could be unmarried again, I still
rebel, in thought, at the mode in which
the marriage, designedly or undesignedly,
was brought about.


Bessie Smith used to say, before her in
dividuality was merged in mine, that she
was very glad her brother had secured so
safe friend as l was She had great
confidence in my honor my sobriety and
intelligence and admired my refinement,
my correct tastes, and good habits. She
did not deliver all this in so many words,
or at one time; but rather hirted than
spake plain, rather acted than spake at all,
and never did either directly to me. But
she was evidently pleased, entirely on her
brothers account that he had fallen into
such good hands, And so was her mother :
and more than pleased


And herein lay the practical Joke
though to-day cannot see the fun of it.
John Smith, for reasons of his own, manu-
factured for his own household a highly
exalted opinion of me. Young men who
will go out every evening of their lives,
must find an excuse. And l was John
Smiths excuse He represented me as a
model in manners and Mentor in COM
panionship; and his dear mother (now
mine by marriage) thought he was entirely
secure and untempted in my society.


So, indeed, he would have been. But
justice to myself requires that | should
say that John Smith was not always with
me when he was out of the sight of his
feminine relatives. / confess to some
companionship with him in his frolics, but
not to participation in ALL Bessie, before
our marriage, thought me perfection ITSELF
May she continue in the same opinion
If that graceless rogue, her brother, does
not betray me, she win remain satisfied of
my unsullied moral excellence By-gones
must be by-gones Henceforth, "till death
do us part" (my wife and me), 1 am, re-
peat, a model man. John Smith must find
a new crony in his sky y-larking propensi-
ties. And he must, too, maintain rea'
sonably good character, or | shall be sus.
pected; unless, indeed, l can make my
wife believe that my love for her so en-
crosses me that / cannot give myself to
the guardianship of her brother any
longer, and that the removal of the re-
straint of my presence leaves him to &C
astray. Men,: To stick pin here. II
will be a good plea, when John breaks
out And it may be useful on occasions
when want an evenings iberty)


| have latch key. bought it with the
house, which contains all modern improve.
ments. But Bessie always had habit OF
waiting up for her brother John and, am
sorry to say, she retains it with her hus
band William. 1t is great restraint OF
the liberty of the subject. suppose thai
it cannot be helped You cannot quarre
with your wife for her affection, incon
venient though that affection be. Tht
only compromise is to take your wife Will