Year: 1859

III LASI BALL.


BY PROFESSOR sSoDGRAss.


Some people stand apart when they waltz,
as If they were afraid that they had friction
matches in their pockets, and might acciden-
tally get mp blaze. Others come up to the
work like martyrs, fully resolved to trust TO
Providence under desperate circumstances.
Which of these modes is the most proper is
not the question now, because the Rev. Mr..
Spurgeon has put his veto on waltzing Of ey
cry description. The reverend gentleman says
persons, when waltzing, are very liable to en-
1ertain unholy thoughts. Now, nasmuch as
Mr.. Spurgeon was telling his experience, it
must be taken reliable testimony. And
would add my testimoney to his, and warn the
kingdom of New Jersey in general and the
rest of the world in particular, against the
practice of kicking up their heels in time with
the vibrations of catgut music.


l wish to warn others, because | am compe
tent to do So. have partaken of the forbid
ben fruit. and know the consequences by aw-
ful experience. was led into it-forced
may say-by women those witching mps,
who have had their fingurs in every pie, since
the first apple dumpling was made in the gar
den of Eden. l will tell the reader how it
happened:


am native Of the United States, and
when first dumped my dunnage in this king
dom l was innOcently ignorant of all such
things surprise parties. Well, soon after
casting anchor in NewBrunSwick, | was led in
TO the mysteries of a erfOrmance that Seduced
me from the path of propriety, and brought
fever that allows me rest day or night.
One dark rainy night, after was snug in bed,
faint rapping was heard 1t the front door.
NV wife opened the door, and in rushed eight
ladies', and many gentlemen accompanied
10y dancing master, with fine fiddle under
his arm, and without as much saying show s
tile folks ~ galloped into the parlor and made
themselves perfectly at home. On hearing
that the man of the house was in bed, one of
fhc ladies entered the bedroom door and be-
ncvolcntly informed me that if | wanted any
assistance about dressing, could have it on
short notice Being naturally OF a modest
disposition, L declined the assistance OF her
ladyslIip, and got up and dressed yself. When
/ entered the parlor was filed with amaze
ment there stood eight couple hugging each
o(faei on the floor, and in one corner stood the
iiddIer, with his bow in his hand and the butt
end of his fiddle under his chin. / lifted up
my voice and says L: ''Ladies and gentlemen,
/ am a member of an orthodox church in
good stauding.'' What said after that was
lost, tor, just at that point in my exhortation,
the blasphemous fiddler began to pull the
mGsic ont Of his fiddle, and away went the
whole party around the room in the polka.
sat down perfectly resigned TO my fate, what
ever it might be, and. after contemplating the
scene before me for few minutes, became
satisfied on two or three points.


First, l was satisfied that the fiddler was q
very good player.


Secondly was satisfied that the dancers
kept very good time.


Thirdly and lastly, was satisfied that those
eight Young ladies' in beauty and gracefulness
could not lie surpassed by any equal number
that ever ratified crinoline over the floor OF a
dancing room.


And there 1 sat exposed to the fire of a bat
terry that was demOishing the ramparts behind
which / l:od found protection thro' long and
very exemplary life. When / was sufficiently
fascinated by the artistic evolutions of the
dance, one OF the ladies walked up to me with,
"Dauce in the polka, sr7'' at the same time
extending hand that was too tempting to be
let alone.


shall never blame Adam again for eating
that apple that upset all creation, for L believe
that Mrs. Eve danced the polka or the High
land Fling Just before she offered it TO him.
And appeal to the masculine reader to know
what he would have done If he had been Adam
or Professor Snodgrass. Only think of it.
There stood q lady right before me, looking
at me with pair OF black eyes that must
have seen the wall right through me, and ask
ing me 10 dance. It's no use to tell me what
] should have done. It's too late for that I;
but 1 ask any man who aspires to the polite
ness of a blboon what he would have done in
my case


| remember we'll what l did (; got up and
e-sailed out.'' Sometimes trod on my part
Acr's toes. and sometimes didn't; when she
was hopping up was hopping down; but II
tried to stop she declared | was first rate
poker. and away we went again. Before mid
night every lady in the party had thrashed
out a flooring with me, and after they had de-
parted my wife put on her spectacies ana LOOK
a long look at me, before she could believe
that was the chap that used to wear such
long face at sermon time.


Such was tho beginning of troubles that
would have set Job to swearing like pirate.


/ have been within half an inch OF nifty cow
hidings for dancing with other mems partners
without leave, which is contrary to the rnies
of this kingdom, women being considered
chattel at public dancing parties.


l look back now at the exciting scenes thro'
which have passed, and wonder that am a
live. Fifty times vowed never to lift foot
again to the music of an Internal fiddle, and
yet attended no less than two hundred balls
and soirees in two years. One night went TO
revival, and the words of the minister had