smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1865

A rich man made his will. leaving all
he had to a company of citizens to
dispose of, but reserviDg to his right heir
''such portion as pleased them" The
heir having sued the company for his
share of the property, the judge inquired
whether they wished to carry out the will
Of the teststor, and if 80, what provision
they proposed making for the heir p
He shall have tenth part" said they,
"aud we will retaiu for ourselve. the 9TH
er nine" Take, then" said the Judge,
"the tenth part to yourselves, and leave
the rest to the heir; for by the will he is
to have what part pleaseth you"
Year: 1865

To destroy flies get four-horse power
engine, put it in the kitchen, run shaft
ing in every room, connected with the
engine aforesaid by betting. On the
shaftiug place fly wheels, smear the
wheels with molasses, anG set the engine
going. The flies being attracted by the
mOlasscs on the fly wheels, will light on
them, and the wheels revolving rapidly,
they will be wheeled of. Have boy
under each wheel with bst and let him
smte them as they fall, before they have
time to recover from their dizziness. A
smart boy has been known to kill as
many as fifty day.
Year: 1865

A good story is told of an officer in the
American army, during the war of 1872
II, who was still more accustomed to
the use of the sword than the pen
While stationed on the lake frontier, two
of his soldiers, brothers. by the name OF
Kennedy, aud usually called Kannada,
deserted. The officer of whom we are
speaking wrote an order, and issued it to
a subaltern, to take a file Of men and
proceed to place named, and take the
two Canadas The order was peremptory
and not to be trifcd with. The officer
looked at his instructions and prepared
to obey them. but remarked that he did
not believe he could take more than one
of the provinces Uitho.t u reinforcement
Year: 1865

Tommy, my son, what are you going to
do with that club p


Send it to the editor of course


But what are you going to send it to
the editor for 2


Cause he says if anybody will send
him club, he'll send them copy of his
paper.


The mother came pretty near fainting,
but retained Consciousness enough to ask,


But, Tommy dear, what do you sup
pose he wants of a club!


Well, don know, replid the hope
full urchin, unless it's to knock down sub
scribers as don pay tor their paper
Year: 1865

1t has been truthfully said that the
voice of the people was never more un-
mistakably the voice of God than in the
recent election 1t was in this faith that
a clergymen of Middletown, Conn, at u
recent torchlight display, exhibited d
Transparency over his door, with quota
ton FROM Genesis xxi, 15-''The angel
of the Lord called unto Abraham out of
Heaven i second time"
Year: 1865

The voters of Lyons, n Y, on election
day were astonished by the appearance
of young lady at the polls. She came
with her father, a very inirm old man, to
see that he was not imposed upon by the
vote distributors The vote was Of course
for the Uni an lates. and b, pa
triotic public maize up a complimentary
purse for the patriotic young lady.
Year: 1865

There is Something omInous in the
custom described in the following extract:


The manner of advertising for hus-
band in Java is by placing an empty flow
er-pot ON the portico roof, which is as
much as to say, A young lady is in the
house. Husband wanted"


That, says murose bachelor of our ac-
quaintance is as much as to say that when
a man marries he goes to pot.
Year: 1865

The ropetrck of the Davenport broth
er. is an old thing according to the King
of Dude. who says that in India it used
to be performed in this fashion The per
former was tied neck and feet and put IN
to sack the mouth of which was care
fully secured he was then thrown into
deep water, from which he emerged
swimming, Tree from both ropes and sack
A London paper urges subJectlng the
Dayembort brothers to this test.
Year: 1865

An Irishmau describes metaphysics as
follows 1.-TWO men are talking together,
and one of them is trying to explain some
thing he don't know anything about, and
the other can't understand him.
Year: 1865

ADvERrIsE.-B Business men. with pro-
per business ideas, should be shrewd
enough to perceive that now is the time
to advertise. Now that gold is rapidly
falling, and after every reaction will fall
still more, sell off the old stock at once
should be the motto of every prudent
dealer. Dispose of it promptly and at
the best price you can get, for the longer
you hold on the less price you can obtain.
It is better to voluntarily submit to a
small loss now than greater one by and
by Sell off sell off and to accomplish
this indispensable fact, advertise literally
Now is the time, we repeat, to do it dis
oreetly. Get ahead Of your neighbors. il
you can, by advertising more, and thus
selling more and when the crash comes
YOU will be safe. This is the plain dictate
Of common sense, and he who heeds il
not will bitterly regret his foolish neg
| ligence.
Year: 1865

A LADY's BLUNDERs.-A fashionable
lady in New York is going to have Q
house built soon on one of the best sites
in town. Everything about it she says is
to be sublimated and splendiferous.-
There is to be Porto Rico in front, a
Pizarro ia the rear, end Lemonade all
round it The water is 10 come in at the
side of the house in an Anecdote the
lawn in front is to be degraded, and some
large fresh trees are to be snpplanted in
to the Erie in the rear. This is the same
lady who told Governor Clinton how re-
markably stormy it is apt to be when the
sun is passing the Penobscot.'
Year: 1865

WHAT IS FAME ?-Negroes on the plan.
tation were always more easily influenced
to work by reward or kindness than by
the use of the whip. There is little fear
that as q race they will not do at least as
well with the higher incentives o. liberty
and wealth before them The following
anedote from the New York Commercial
Advertiser is in point as to motive.


"' That was big day s work, Boston,
but faint up to what Mr.. Caruth's Andy
does. | read yesterday in the paper that
Andy picked five hundred and seventy
seven pounds in one day


"'Well, let me see,' said Boston, count
ing-on his fingers that amt but thirt cen
pounds ahead of me- Now, master rIl
make horsAi~ -isll you ; II you'll put
me in the paper, I'll pick as much as An
dy did every single, solitary day next
week


livery well you do it, and I'll get
you in the paper with a great flourish Of
trumpets =


Well, Boston. kept his part Of the
contract and his master kept his So the
man had the pleasure of seeing his name
in print, though-poor fellow he
couldn't read, for the account of the un
paralleled picking was copied into half
the papers of the State. Boston cut the
notice from the paper, and when his mas
ter told me the story the slave had been
for two years carrying the little printed
slip around in a worn, greasy pocket
book
Year: 1865

=
How much do young ladies learn at
school for which they never find any use
in after life, nor is it possible from their
circumstances they ever should. Let the
hours spent on music by those who have
no ear, upon drawing by those who might
almost be said to have no eye, upon Ian
guage by those who never afterwards
speak any but their mother tongue, be
added together, year after year, and an
aggregate Of wasted time will present it
self sufficient to alarm those who are SEN
sible of its value, and of the awful re-
sponsibility of using it Alright.


When we meet in society with that
speechless, inanimate, ignorant, and use
less being called "a young lady just
come from school," it is thought q suffi-
cient apology for all her deficiencies that
she has, poor thing, just come from school
This implies that nothing in the way of
domestic usefulness, social intercourse, or
adaptation to circumstances, can be ex-
pected from her until she has had time to
learn it. g Poor thingi she has just come
home from school-what can you expect2"
is the best commentary can offer.--Mrs
Ellis.
Year: 1865

A land without laws is like cat without
claws.


Life without cheer is like cellar without
beer.


A master without cane is like rider
without rein


A man without wife is like fork with.
out knife.


A tea-party without scandal is like knife
without handle.
Year: 1865

The following from the Dubuque Re-
cOrder, is as applicable here as anywhere,
and is as true as preaching:


Milk and water people who content them
selves with simply doing no harm, at the
same time never doing any good, are mere
negatives. Your man of force, who does
not wait for a stone TO get out Of his heaven
appointed way, but manfully rolls it over,
may unintentonaIly hurt somebody's toes
in the act but thousands who will
walk in that future path will thank him for
clearing it. The man who has no enemy
is generally sleek, creeping, cautious
white washed creature, walking in the
world with velvet shoes, who smirks and
glides his unchallenged way into the obscu-
rity he merits.
Year: 1865

HOME CouRTEsIEs.-"I am one Of those"
says late writer, "whose lot in life has
been to go out into an unfriendly world at
an early age; and of nearly twenty families
in which made my home in the course of
nine years, there were only three or four
that could be properly designated as happy
families, and the source of trouble was not
SO much the lack of love as lack of care to
manifest it," The closing words Of this
sentence give us the fruitful source Of fam
lily alterations, of heart aches innumerabie,
ofsad faces and gloomy home circles. "Not
so much the lack of love as lack of care to
manifest it, What world of misery is
suggested by this remark ! Not over three
or four happy families in twenty, and the
cause SO manifest, and SO easily remedied
All, in the small, sweet courtesies Of life,
what power resides! In look, word, a
tone, how much of happiness or disquietude
may be communicated. Think of it, reader
and take the lesson home with you.
Year: 1865

Seems to be the purpose Of the "Consti-
tutional Uhion," the only organ Of the Dem
ooratic party now in Washington. The
editor, in giving his reasons Tor this support
says:


"The enlightened and honest statesman
of Tennessee, who, in Gods Providence,
has been SO suddenly and unexpectedly in
trusted with responsible and onerous Ex-
ecutive duties, we are assured will not
disappoint The people, whose republican
government he has labored so bravely,
fearlessly, earnestly, untiringly, and un.
selfshly TO save. The upright, honest,
pure, consistent and spotless record Of his
public and private life gives assurance that
in his custody the dearest interests Of the
country may be safely intrusted,


Especially have we confidence in real.
izing the fact that the bone and sinew oI
the country, the men who toll, the masses
of the people, who are known as Of the
middle classes, the men Of mind and mark
who are always right, are to man for the
conservative policy that has already be er
advanced by the President, and will sustain
him nobly to the end against all the power
of fanaticism that dares wickedly to raise
its impious voice or hand against one, who
has always been for the people against the
enroachments upon their rights and privi
leges, Of equity belonging TO them, anG
inalienable by any unjust act Of Legislation
or forcible, exercise of arbitrary power
We know whereof we speak Andrew
Johnson the man of the people, has nothing
10 fear from those in whose behalf he ha'
struggled nobly throughout his honored ant
intensely eventful life"
Year: 1865

This beautiful poem, by an American writer,
Miss Priest, has commanded the admiration of
all readers during the many rounds ithas made of
the newspaper and magazine press, the last ten
years. To those who have lost intimate friends
and who has not?-some of the illusions are in
expressably affecting. Many moistened eve
will follow the lines


Over the river they beckon TO me,


Loved ones whc've passed TO the other side,
The CLEAN Of their snowy robes see,


But their voices are lost in the dashing tide.
There's one with ringlets of sunny gold,


And eyes the reflection of Heavens own blue;
He crossed in the twilight gey and cold,
And the pale mist hid him from mortal view.
We saw not the angels who met him there,
The gates of The City we could not see;
Over the River, over the River,


My brother stand ready to welcome me.
Over the River the Boatman pale,


Carried ano:hei-the household pet;
Her bright curls waved in The gentle gale
Darling Minnie, see her yet
The crossed on her bosom her dimpled hands,
And fearlessly entered the phantom bark
We watched it glide from the silver sands,


And all our sunshine grew strangely dark,
We know she is safe on the other side,


Where all the ransomed and angels be;
Over the River, the mystic River,


MY chidhood's idols are waiting for me.
For,none return from those quiet shores


Who cross with the boatman cold and pale
We hear the dip of the golden oars,


We catch CLEAN of the snowy sail,
And 10, they have passed from our heart


They cross the stream and are gone for aye
We cannot sunder the veil apart,


That hides from sour vision the gates of day
We only know that their barks no more


Shall sail with ours on hfe's stormy sea,
Yet somehow / hope on the unseen shore


They watch and beckon and wait for me.
And sit and think when The sunsets gold


Is flushing river and hill and shore,
shall one day stand by the water cold,


And listto the souud of the boatman's oar
shall watch for the CLEAN of the tapping sail
shall hear the boat as it gains the strand,
] shall pass from sight with the boatman pal
To the better shore of the spirit land
shall know the loved who have gone before
And joyfully sweet shall the meeting be,
When over the river, the peaceful river,


The angel Of death shall carry me!
Year: 1865

A Clergyman, appealed to in matter of
dispute between two brethren, who accused
each other of being wholly in the fault,
sold, "My judgment is this: let the innocent
forgive the guilty."
Year: 1865

The great and terrible civil war just
closed has left us many monuments Of it's
existence beside it's wrecks and ruips.-


For three years, it reversed the natural
law Of civilized rociety which makes Pro-
duction outrun Consumption, and thus
givos 10 buyers at least an equal voice with


sellers in fixing prices. We have so long


been burning. wasting. devastating, that
nearly all overstocks Of products have
been used mp, and all the necessaries and
comforts of life are to-day in short supply
and eager demand. All great wars. if pro-
tracted, have kindred effect But our
currency expansion has decidedly exag-
gerated, if not the essential, at least tho
apparent, cost of nearly everything that
money will buy. Our dollar Is a Fictitious
dollar, equal to two or three British shil-
lings, instead of the four shillings two
pence, or thereabouts, which it should bal
ance. Food, fuel, clothing-dear enough
in reality-thus seem to be forty to fifty
per cent. dearer than they actually are.


We are among those who wish and labor
to get back to terro tiy,usa at the earliest
day. And we believe that day need not
be distant. So long as the Government
was spending one thousand million per
annum on an income of two or three hun
dred millions, we knew that it was practi-
cable neither to maintain nor to resume
specie payments; but, now that its current
income from taxes exceeds its total out
sumption at n very early day. And-since
Truth is better than Falsehood-we hold
that it should not allow the legal dollar to
range in value below the specie dollar a
moment longer than imperative necessity
DICTATES. The esolvent man who owes mon
ey that his creditor wants, vet postpones
payment under the belief that he can paw
more conveniently, at a smaller sacri-
flee, at future day, is simply knave-
and why not Government as well?


We believe in and work for the earliest
assumptions; yet it is simple honesty to
say that the country is doing remarkably
well withoutit. Nearly everything is dear;
consequently, the active, stirring, capable,
energetic, efficient, who produce more than
they consume and sell more than they
buy. are generally making money. 1t is
a very bad time to run in debt; but cap
ital time for paving off debts and getting
something ahead. We presume our own
business to be fair sample of what is go
ing on all around us, and therefore speak
of it. We are paying very high prices for
paper, for ink. for coal, for labor, and for
everything required in our business, while
we sell our work much cheaper in proper
ton than we did in times of solvency, yet
we are doing very well-far better than we
did in '6l and 80, when the currency was
much sounder than it now is. And it ia
the same. we are confident, with seven
eighths of the more energetic and efficient
farmers, mechanics, manufacturers and
traders throughout the country.-N. Y.
Tribune.
Year: 1865

4 You've WOMAN LOCK En UP IN CHURCH
THREE DAys.-Yestcrthty morning an ad-
We tisement was brought othis Office, ask
ing for Information of the whereabouts OF.
"A young lady who had been missing since
Sunday afternoon, and of whom no trace
could be found. and whose absence had
caused deep distress among her relatives.
In the afternoon, just before the Eagle
went to press, a gentleman came i'm to stop
the publication of the advertisement, sta
ting that the missing lady had been found,
and he related the following singular story:
The young lady wenton Sunday afternoon
to the Presbyterian church, corner of At
lantic and Bond streets, after the Sunday
school exercises she went to her seat in the
gallery. The minister having to leave
town TO attend the Synod, no service was
held in the afternoon, and the sexton sup
posing the congregation had retired, closed
up the church, locking the young lady i'm
the building all alone. She says she tried
To get out, but the doors resisted her efforts
to force them open, the windows were be-
yond her reach, and she was unable to
make herself heard outside. Here she re-
manned close prisoner in the church un-
til Wednesday afternoon, when the sexton
went in To prepare the place for the usual
evening prayer meeting, and discovered
the missing lady, who was i'm very ex-
hausted state for want of food, having been
fasting i'm solitary confinement for seventy
Eagle.
Year: 1865

We are too apt to be misled by ollinal
Or fictitious values. 1t is by viewing them
in the light OF their relative value alone
that we are able to judge OF the chealness
or costlness OF things. The farmer would
hardly think himself the gamer by The
adoption of Il system OF trade that would
reduce the cost of the manufactured ar
ticle used by him twenty-five per centum,
if he knew the same system was respon-
sihle for a decrease of fifty p"r ccntuin i'll
the value of farm products. 1nis is pre-
ciSeiy The effect of patrOniZing foreign to
the neglect of home manufactures, 1t
marters not whether whether wheat is
quoted at one dollar per bushel and calico
twelve and half cents per yard, or wheat
at two dollars and calico twenty-fvec
If the articles are produced by our own
laborers, they will maintain their own
relative values, which will be governed by
the laws OF supply and demand. But
when we go abroad and patronize foreign
manufacturers, because the starvation price
paid for labor there enables them to put
their goods in market at prices which would
ruin an American manufacturer, we de-
range the whole system of commerce by
discouraying enterprise at home and de-
priving our laborers of profitable employ
ment. There is no one class entirely in
dependent of all others. An injury i'll
iiicted upon one interest must of necessity
affect all interests. No country cau ever
become strong, financially, that docs not
foster all the varied pursuits. This is the
only road to Independence. If it pursue
any other policy, developing one interest
and smothering another. it will be contin-
ually liable to disaster from financial re-
vulsions. Our experience in this regard
ought 10 be a sufficient teacher, but its les
sons have thus far been lisregarded. The
greatest danger to our finances at the pres
eni time--and one which does more than
all things else 10 excite the gold market
is the fear Of excessive expectations o.
specie in payment for excessive importa-
tons of foreign goods.
Year: 1865

From the Richmond Examiner.


Two very extraordinary exhibitions Of
popular feeling are now to be witnessed
respectively in TIE north and il the south
In the former they have loan before the
people, which goes of with rapidity an
precedented in the history of such affairs
The sale of bonds in ali the states is de-
clared to reach an aggregate of several
millions day. The loan is rendered thus
popular by the small denomination Of the
donds, the high interest they bear, but
more especially by the general belief which
prevails that the war IS nearly at an end.
and that the present is the last loan IN SO
tempting a form which will be offered
to the public.


At the south a popular subscription is
just set on foot, which promises 10 outstrip
the northern project in the enthusiasm OF
the response which it elicits The sub
scription which. at the suggestion Of the
public, has been opened by the secretary
of the treasury, is quite different in form.
It proposes donations to the government
of funds and property in every form. i
large capitalists leaders OF with q sub
scription of 100000 in currency: coup-
ling his prcRer with the condition that
24 other persons will make Ike dona-
ton. The challenge will be accepted, and
the S5,000,00 thus realized by. the gov
ernment will be employed in paying of
General Lees srmy.


Extremely liberal subscriptions have
also been made Of confederate tonds, sill
vor plate, commissary supplies and other
commodities OF ike value The striking
feature Of these donations Is that they are
absolute aids to the cause, for when the
government IS net required to account in
the future.


From the indications manifested in every
direction, these voluntary donations, these
gift offerings Of The people bid fair to be
very considerable in amount, and will
possibly reach several hundred millions Of
dollars in value


An important part of the scheme con-
templates a contribution Of rations for
General Lees army, upon plan SO simple
and prompt in It's execution, as to insure
success.


These exhibitions of patriotic li6erality
will have great effect upon the army,
and through the army upon the campaigr
about to open in terrible earnest When
the soldiers know that the people at homc
are making heavy contributions Of their
means g lie eoomon cause. and devc-
ing I'll IL heir power, cen trorchins
upon their subsistence, TO support and Gu
courage their own cxertions IN the field 4
new spirit wiil seize them and gratifying
res ats must soon easue
Year: 1865

The Cleveland Plaindeaier mentions
the case Of well dressed young man of
good manners, who gave in his income to
the assessor at several thousand dollars,
paid the tax, and had the pleasure of see
ing his name in the lists among the ma
hobs of the country. On the strength of
this he courted wealthy mans daughter
and married her. Then it was found
that he had no money. and had sold his
mothers watch to pay The income tax
The government made a good thing out
Of It, SO did the young man.
Year: 1865

TRoUBiE or \ New MARRIED ALpER.
MANA Troy alderman got married the
other day and had a1hrilling time on his
wedding tour. He was two days in get
ting to Buffalo on account of the snow
was in the American Hotel in that city
when it burned down, and IN his way to
Chicago was thrown over an embankment
twenty feet high by a railroad accident
which bruised him and hi. new wife
The couple are now in Chicago, recovering
from their injuries and getting courage tC
try tho return trip.
Year: 1865

! woman who always used to attend
public worship with great pun ;tuality.
and took care always to bo in time, was
asked how ii was she could always come
so early. She answered very wisely,
that it was part Of her religion not to
disturb the religion of others"