Year: 1859

plalt trimmings are greatly in favor. @
. CONFESSIONS OF AN NONION.EATER.


The following confessions a Ia de Quincy,
the English Opium-eater, will do, They are
contributed to the Philadelphia Sunday Dis
patch: ,


do not pant for glory. Fame, present or
posthumous, does not lead me on. L do not
rush into print with the burning ambition OF a
Cobb or an Everett. Sleep brings me no ex-
citing visions of street walls broken out with
my name in letters afsot long and vide In pro-
portion, brilliant with blue and gold and
green, or OF whole columns Of the New York
morning papers, devoted to the simple but
startling announcement that 1 write exclu-
sively for the g" and for nothing else 1t
Is only because the dreadful secret of my life
will no longer lie concealed in the gloomy cav
erns OF my soul that now stake my pen in
hand" L have case, and feel that that
ease ought to be put / do not ask the SYM
pathy Of the world. do not want Society to
BRING itself low on my account. l have nothing
to suggest, no fault to find, no advice to give
just put my case. ..- > 4


L am an Onion-eater. / love the Onion with
love that it would be foolish if not mad to at
tempt to express by words Other food find
convenient. and at times even delightful. 1
msy mention spring chickens. They seldom
appeal to me from tho degradation of the dish
IN vain. beefstesk of fair proportions, beau
hfully brown, with a cheerful crispness about
II, steamed away in its own jolly juice with tho
animated spirit of vigorous health, and diff
fuslng an inspiring Odor all around, fills me
with emotions of gratitude and Joy, and IN
clines my heart to Worcestershire. The same
In somewhat less enthusiastic spirit may be
said of a tender and trusty mutton chop The
vegetable kingdom likewise has charms for me.
The potato occupies high place in my conf
dence and esteem. The potato respect under
or AZ q Al
anything but the most devOut consideration,
not only because of its own inherent worth,
but also because the Importance of Special
DIspensatiOn I need not say in behalf of what
green island) attaches to it. At the present
moment can think of few worthier objects
of affectionate attention than baked potato.
With what blissful memories do the words
throng the chambers of my soul 1t was
the mealy minister Of happiness untold to
childhood 8 hours, and even now cannot with
stand Its fascinating spells. Ii sOothes me with
Its incense, and comforts Inc with the rich trea-
sures of its warm heart Other fruits of the
husbandman share my sympathy and favor.
But love the Onion. I write Onion with a
capital D, and hope the printers viii not bring
a blush to my cheek by giving it a small o.
From what know of printers a class, be-
heye better things of them.) When I confess
that my love for the Onion amounts to a pas-
sion, an inspiration, a mania that, awake or
In bed, 1t consumes me with a fierce fire that
it interferes with my business, and sometimes
makes me reckless of razor for many days, and
utterly oblivious to clean linen-I am aware
that present myself in q very absurd light in
deed, and lay myself entirely open to public
ridicale and contempt. But have made up
my mind to put my case fairly, once and for
ever, and put it shall be. o, how love that
vegetable! L never sec q string of Onions
swinging idly before shop-door without paus-
lnn md han 1nnI of, n
upon them. Then am / distracted from the
hustle of the bricks, and translated into an at
mosphere rare and ecstatic. Then may de-
PRAYED juveniles bump violently against me
and make vulgarly merry at my expense-I
heed them not. Then may crowds collect with
eyes dilated and appraised hands, and police
men all in vain request me, with the urbanity
for which they are so eminently distinguished,
to move on. By-the-by the spell breaks /
wave my enchanters a sad farewell, and 90
wildly up the street.


AT home, in dark bin in the cellar. which.
/ have heard il said was Mt one time used as n
receptacle for coal. have at different times
stored away large quantity Of NY adored
vegetables rs many as ton of them I should
think-snd am constantly making additions
to the collections. This is n consecrated spot
for me. Hither resort, as the old acaderni-
clans used to resort to their sacred groyes-for
contemplation, reflection, inward poace. Here
do worship my deity, enshrined in pine wood
of somewhat dingy sort. Here do pour
forth my soul to the divinity, in poetry which
L find IL impossible to remember long enough
or well enough to commit to paper


But all these are only the external manifes-
tatiOns of passion which bursts forth with its
full strength and ardor at meal time Could
love fulfill its prayers, would have Onions
three times a day My appetite is ever thus.
Whether in their natural state, peeled all
V,r.I ax.1 Al,
lcateiy peppered, and not destitute of vinegar
and salt; or in a condition of stew and steaming
succulence and fragrance or fulfilling the hum
bic duties OF sauce to some great proud entire
my palate bankers after the Onion all the
same.


My case is not yet fully put. Its distressing,
and, may say, appalling features are about to
be presented. My friends have dropped off,
one by one, until their number is expressed by
figure in shape not unlike an egg. To nv
horror, the other day was ''cut' in manner
"a deadly as possible by creature Of the oppo
site sex, my relations with whom had ALWAYS
supposed, up to that very moment, to be of a
dceply intimate and friendly nature. Not very
long ago, was almost petrified at the sight of
fellow who was in the same class with me at
college, fellow who had known me ever
since L was a little bOy-dodging from me
round a corner, and cvanescing rapidly down
small street. And he must have seen me
coming, got into crowd a short time since
before shop window with picture of Picco-
lomini in it, or something Of that sort Im-
agine, If you can, my amazement when saw
the people slowly but surely draw off from the
place with expressions which, if am not very
much mistaken, L have heard used in cases of
disagreeable smell. 1 shall not forget, if live
many thousands Of years. the horrible turn nv
mothers face took on a very recent occasion
when bent my countcnance to hers for the
purpose of depOsiting there labisl token of
fllial affection, have just gone into business
on my own account, but somehow my customers
never come o second time, and can't hope TO
get along in the retail line In that way, YOU
know. l am never invited to any small parties,
family or otherwise, as i used to be before be
came acquainted with the Onion. And So, while
L am in state of bodily health which has no
precedent in my previous history, and which
cannot but attribute to the liberal use of a
vegetable which the medical faculties have,
with common consent pronounced highly whole
some-yet notwithstanding this, and the inward
assurance that am not disqualified by physi-
cal defOrmity or mental vaeuity for social in
teFcourse, l constantly realize that L am. for
come reason, an excessively disagreeablc thing.


! 1t does seem hard, doesn't it?


A ms n;~Lx 1900.