Year: 1864

He who will stop every mans mouth
has a great deal of meal


PAT O'SHANGuNAssY didn't enlist;
did not wish to lave his ould mother an
orphan"


On child being told that he must be
broken of a bad habit, he actually replied !:


"Papa, hadn't | better be mcaded?"


"JoHN, go to the pump and bring me
a can of water-I am as dry as a fish"


$50 is the pump, father"


If an elephant can travel eight miles
an hour, and carry his trunk, how fast
could he go if he had little page to
carry it for him?"


Mrs. BLoBBs is quite convinced there
is something in spirit rapping, for she can
take her "sclemn oath" she saw her sauce
pan ran over the other day


THE city hotels charge three dollars
and a half a day for regular board-three
dollars for smelling of the kitchen, and
fifty cents for kissing the cook.


A DIsGUsTED client having read that
there were eighteen hundred lawyers in
New York City, said he could name a
place where there were ten times as many.


MANY person has two distinct selves,
one that promised and lied, and one that
believed the other After awhile they
both lie to each other, and neither believes


"YoU have only yourself to please"
said married friend to an old bachelor.


"True," replied he, "but you cannot
tell what difficult task | find it.


A KISS on the forehead denotes respect
and admiration on the check, friendship !;
on the lips, love. The young men of our
acquaintance have not much respect"
for young ladies.


ONE of the frozen roosters found hang
ing by its claws to the limb of tree, at
New Albany, Ind, had his last crow
sticking eleven inches out of his mouth,
and froze stiff.


THE ladies of East Tennessee are rep
resented as unquestionably loyal. They
improve every opportunity to "kiss the
dear old flag" and now and then kiss its
good-looking defenders.


A LITTLE boy on coming home from a
certain church where he had seen per-
son perform on an organ, said to his moth
er,-


ooh, nanny! Iwish you had been to
church to-day to see the fun man pump
ing music out of an old cupboard p


"BRDGET why don't you bring the
iced lemonade ?" said Mrs. s., on the 4th
of July, from the top of the kitchen
stairs. "Why, marm," said Bridget, wi
ping the sweat from her red face with her
checked apron; "why, marin, you see
the ice that put into the lemonade is so
hard, that it is not melted yet, though its
stirring it over the fire Pve been for the
last fifteen minutes or more"


AT some religious ceremony at which
the late Archbishop of Dublin was to Of
fciate in the country, young curate,
who attended him, grew very nervous as
to their being late My good young
friend" said the Archbishop, l can only
say to you what the criminal said to those
around, who were hurrying him, " Let us
take our time; they cant begin without
u.s."


OLD Marin c. was never regarded
as paragon of neatness; and if clean
illness is next unto godliness," as st. Paul
asserts. it is to be feared that the old lady
never attained to the latter state. Not
only was she anything but neat herself,
but she showed a sovereign contempt of it
in others. Speaking of neat people, one
day, she remarked that her son Joshua
was one of the most particular men in
the world.


Why" said she, she threw away a
whole cup of coffee the other morning
! because it had bed-bug in it!