smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1869

We heard a good joke on resi-
dent of Dog Creek the other day.
The party referred to is a bachelor
and lives on the wagon road. A
few days ago an emigrant wagon
from Oregon came alongand camped
near our friends place. The head
of the family soon made himself ac-
quainted with the proprietor of the
premises, and asked him why he
didn't have a woman to keep house
for him. The answer was that he
intended to marry just as soon as he
could find woman willing to enter
the bonds of matrimony. The Ore
gonian remarged that he could find
partner if he would take her. The
bachelor said that was right into his
hand, and the emigrant invited him
into his camp. The emigrant called
upon a bouncing damsel of about
twenty years, and Informed her
that the gentleman accompanying
him was ION the marry and will
ling to take her for better or for
worse. The damsel, delighted with
the prospects, advanced and seizing
our friend by the hand assured him
that she was glad to see him, and
was ready to marry him atthe "drop
of a hat" while the oldIlady hasten.
ed up to congratulate her "darter'


on her good luck. Surprised and
alarmed at the serious turn natter
had taken, our friend who is consti


tutioaully opposed to the institution


Of matrimony, endeavored to ex


plain by saying that he was onl,
joking and did not want to marry


Atthis the Oregonian became indig


nant, and the would-be bride re
quested her father to take his ritl


and "drap thevarmintin his tracks.
At this affectionate suggestion tn
bachelor left for his ! fortifca
tions, the last thing he heard beinI
! Of the voice the old lady consolin
her "darter' with the remark that
was best to @let the blk go.D


i D.
Year: 1869

The YERoER CAsE.-The record
of the Yerger court-martial is at
the War Department, and will not
reach the President formally for
some time, as it must first be briefed
at the Judge Advocate Generals
office. When it has been acted up
on by the President, the result will
be announced in general order
from the War Department. If the
finding is adeath," the sentence can
not be carried into effect until after
the application for . writ Of habeas
corpus has been settled by the
Supreme Court Aaars 'tt


Hu6NsMal Washington Chronicle. '
Year: 1869

Inevcr bet on the man who is al
ways telling what he would have
done if he had been there; have
noticed that this kind never get
there.


The fear of the law here and the
law hereafter has furnished some
very clever specimens OF Christlan-
ity.


Fools don't know their strength
if they did, they would keep still.


True happiness seems to consist
in wanting all that we can enjoy,
then getting all we want.


Beauty never dies it is like truth
they both have an Immortality some.
where.


Truth is radical; fiction is con-
scrvative.


If YOU would make yourself agree
able wherever you go, listen to the
grievances of others, but never re
late Your own.


Men never seem to get tired OF
talking themselves; but l have heard
them when | thought they showed
signs of weakness


Common sense is not most gener.
ally dcspiscd by those who haven't
got it.


Although mankind worship wealth
| will give them credit for one thing
they seldom mistake it for brains.


Monuments are poor investments
the poor don't deserve them and
the good don't need them.


The best way to keep a secret is
to forget it.


1t isn't so much trouble to get
rich as it is to tell when we have gO'
rich.


If man wants to get at his &C
tual dimensions, let him visit {
graveyard.


| don't care how much man talk
if he will only say it in few words


Anybody can tell where the light
? ming struck last but it takes {
smart man to find out where it il
going to strike next time. This il
one of the differences between learn
ing and wisdom.


| have first rate recollection, ,bu
no memory. | can recollect ver,
distinctly of losing ten dollar bill
but can't remember where, to saw
. my life. =.
j, There are some folks whose thO't
can't be controlled; they are lik
f twil.s, they can't be had, and the
can't be stopped.
Year: 1869

1t is said that the quickest way of
making u fortune, is to marry u fash
ionahle young lady and sell her
clothes. The principal objection to
this proceeding is, that the seller
might also be sold in the transac-
tion. We think, however, that there
is little question that the quickest
way of spending fortune would bo
TO marry u fashionable young lady
and buy her clothes. The expert
mcnt has been tried frequently with
the same result.
Year: 1869

Gold was firm until late in the day, when 1t de.
clined on report that Secretary Boutwell, would be
in the city tomorrow ana investigate the operations
Of the gold gambling ciques. The FIRST advance was
due to unfavorable reports to the condition Of the
markets In London and Paris. The range Of the
market IL shown In the table,
Year: 1869

The TEMPERANCE PEOPLE Of Maine are
discussing the question Of the restoration Of
the State constabulary law In that Common
wealth. This appears to be the objective
point which the temperance men are aiming
for.
Year: 1869

The PACT that the Committee on Appro.
priatlons in the Senate and House have agreed
to report the full amount for the South Amer.
lean missions, would seem to indicate that
there Is to be no consolidation, as proposed
by General Butler.
Year: 1869

Observation-Disclosures desirous Of test.
ing the endurance Of the iron steed. and proving
their OWE agility, will find the new rink on VauI-
hall Island Just the place, Open day and night.
Year: 1869

Every member OF the Convention should call on
Z. .iPhNcz q soH at No. 1900 Main street and
get pair of those patent elliptic suspenders and
brace combiaed. Call and supply yourselves, and
yJu " Ill never regret It.
Year: 1869

N. Bin competing for the premium
for the best acre of cabbage and potatoes,
the certificate of three disinterested citi-
zens as to quantity and quality will be ac
cepted instead of exhibition Of the crop.


The committee of award for the best FIVE
acres in garden crops Ito be announced
hereaftor) will visit any section where their
presence may be required during the SEE
son, upon request Of the exhibitor ad-
dressed to the Secretary Of the Society.
Year: 1869

PRoPHETIc IREAM.-A friend of ours, says
the Gold Hill News, who, by the way, is a
strong disbeliever in dreams, informs us of
the following singular circumstance in that
line, of the truth of which he has personal
knowledge. Timothy Griffin, boarding at the
Vesey House. Gold Hill, who had been a
miner in the Yellow Jacket mine for the last
SIX or seven months, had dream on Monday
night, in which some underlined presence
seemed to tell him that if he went down into
the mine again something terrible would
happen to him. So strongly was this war
ming impressed upon his mind that he con-
cluded to quit work altogether, and left for
San Francisco Tuesday night only few
hours previous to the appalling disaster of
Wednesday morning, so fatal to human life.
Year: 1869

SURVEY THE LANDs.-The great necessity
of Shasta county is the want of legal survey
of the public lands lying within its borders
II the U. S. Surveyor Of this State would only
authorize a survey of the public lands of this
county. hundreds Of acres would be entered
Immediately thereafter, and the county would
receive much additional revenue from taxes
derived from lands so entered. Give men
titles to the lands they occupy, and they Will
become permanent settlers, will erect more
substantial improvements, and become better
and more industrious citizens. There are
many men in this county who have held
lands by presumption titles for years, waiting
for survey so that they might enter their
claims and receive Government titles. The
interests of these men, and the interests of
the Government and the county. demand
that survey of our public lands be made
We hope the U. S. Surveyor will give the
matter his attention.
Year: 1869

DEcoMPosING RAPIDLY.-The Gold Hill
News says:


The rapid decomposition of the bodies of
those who were lost in the great mining ac-
cident at Gold Hill, is quite as strange and
hard to be understood as anything connected
with the sad afFlir The smell of the bodies
which were last brought up is said to have
been almost intolerable, and the flesh of some
of them seemed as much decayed as though
they bad been dead for month. This is
supposed to have been caused by the great
heat to which the bodies were exposed, and
to the effects of the bad air and poisonous
gases, filling the lower parts of the mines. 1t
is suid that the flesh of some of those last
brought up was so decayed that the fingers of
those handling the bodies would penetrate it
upon the%sl'ghtest pressure. Those who
assisted in taking out the bodies say they
will never, to the latest day of their lives,
furget the peculiar smell which they gave out
1t will be an awful task to bring out the bod
les of those still remaining in the mines
The filing of the mines with steam will
doubtless add greatly to the heat, and must
hasten the decomposition of all the bodies
remaining below.
Year: 1869

BAcK-BoNE.--A few days ago, when mo
tion was before the House of Representatives
to retire General Heintzelman from the list
of active army officers, that old veteran was
sitting in the gallery with tears of sorrow and
regret coursing down his bronzed cheek at
the prospect of being forced from service
under the flag be had served so long and
we'll. The motion was finally put to the
House, and all sounds were smothered in a
seemingly universal response of AYE" At
this point General Logan arose with flashing
ewes, and in voice which rang clarion like
through the hall, demanded a call of the roll.
The Clerk complied. and solitary and alone
Logan voted Nay" When the Clerk an
nounced Mays, one," the galleries resound
ed with applause for the gallant llinoisan,
and many eyes moistened as Heintzelmau
arose, in the uniform he was no longer enti-
tied 10 wear, and sadly left the scene.
Year: 1869

The bill for the Reconstruction of Virginia.
Texas and Mississippi, which has just passed
both Houses Of Congress. provides that those
States shall not be admitted till they adopt
the Fifteenth Amendment. II they should
remain contumacious, it is possible that there
is versatility enough in Congress to devise
some harder condition still. 1t was possible
for those States to resume the management
of their own affairs by the adoption of the
Fourteenth Amendment. They sullenly re-
fused TO do so, and now the Fifteenth is
added. If they should again hesitate, a
Sixteenth, and possibly Seventeenth, may
be piled up AS the years roll by. the vice
in which they are enclosed will be screwed
all the tighter. Better take the dose at once
and have done with it, especially as there is
a certainty that it will not become more palat-
able with time.-Alta.
Year: 1869

BoorED.xzSenator Ross. of Kansas, the
individual who is generally supposed to have
received $4,000 fer voting against impeach-
ment, called on President Grant a few DAYS
ago to secHre the appointment of favorite
to Office. The President declined to make
the appointment, whereupon Ross told him
to go to hell," and was booted out of the
White House for his insolence
Year: 1869

GoLp HrLL.-The latest accounts from
Gold Hill, Nevada, state that the fire is still
burning in the mines, which will be kept
closed up air tight until Monday next. Steam
is being sent down the shafts in pipes
Thirty seven persons are known to have
persisted by this awful calamity
Year: 1869

AN irrepressible boy of FIVE years. who
was always compelled to keep quiet on Sum
day. having grown weary toward the chose Of
a Sabbath day. frankly and honestly ap-
preached his excellent but rather strict ia
ther. and gravely said Is Pa, let's have some
spiritual fun This was too much, not only
for the gravity but for the strictness of the
father and for once he @ let mater cape" till
had t;vno
Year: 1869

| A spider living in the country, and
having followed his business for time in
| an obscure corner, determined to travel a
little for improvement of taste, and also
for any advantage in business which might


turn up. By his good fortune he turned


his steps to flower garden, where were
displayed thousand blossoms of every


variety and hue. AS we always compare


new things to something we have seen be-


fore, so in his mind he compared the col
ors of brilliant flowers to the various in
| sects which in his chronological studies
he had become acquainted with Elated
with all he saw he passed on, sometimes
| creeping, sometimes throwing a suspen-


sion bridge from pier to pier of flower
| stalks, until the thought occurred to him


that he had not dined or supped. Accord
ingly he looked around for place where
| on to spread his table, for spiders are
accustomed to spread their table first, and
then to sit down on it or near il TO see
what good fortune will send them.
AT length. after several selections and


re-selections, he found a saloon of the


most admirable description. IT was moth
ing less than morning glory If he had
only known the name which ii bore in
the catalogue he would, / suppose, have
been still more prsud than he was Of his
tent. For that must be a sumptuous flower
which can boast name asl long as Span
ish princess, as this did. Ut was the Ipo-
naed hederdced superJd grdradt tt0ry)


Across the opening of this splendid bell
the spider stretched his web. In the
morning first saw him there. The dew
was fresh on all the leaves He said To
himself: "This is the very cell of pleasure
There will be enough hungry flies or other
in pOp1inO haro for honey If shall
be my business to entertain them when
they comep


Alas for day dreams While he was
thus fondly expecting his guests, saw
bumble-bee of the largest size, heavily fly
ing from blossom to blossom, from colvul-
vuli bell to bell, and the thought crossed
my mind how queer it would be if he
should visit the spider Sure enough he
seemed to have caught up my thought, for
in a second he carried his great blunder-
ing body right down to the bells and dashed
his head through the web; but not liking
it he made off, like Samson, with a part of
his prison on his shoulders


Meanwhile the spider seemed far more
alarmed than the bee, and sank back into
its flower house. Misfortunes never come
single it is said. About an hour after this
encounter / went out to see how the
travelled spider was enjoying himself He
and both had forgotten one thing, and
that is that on fair summer mornings the
cOnvulvuli shuts up its blossoms by ten
o'clock While the spider lay securely in
side, the edges had folded down and closed
the opening entirely! The flower had
proved prisonl


All, We who spin webs of evil across the
places of pleasure, and lurk for the des-
truction of the simple, may your refuge
prove snare, and may you be caught in
the very net which you spread for Othersl
Ward Bntcl.er
Year: 1869

BY PRUDY.
CoxE look AT the dainty darling!
As fresh 81 q new-bl0wn rose.
From the top of his head so golden
To the dear. little. restless toes:
You can tell by the dancing dimples.
By the smiles that come and GO,
He Is keeping q wonderful secret
YOu'd give half your kingdom TO know.
Now kiss him on cheek and forehead,
And kise him on lip and chin;
The little red mouth is hiding
The rarest Of pearls within.
All. see when the lips in smiling
Have parted their tender red-
Do you see the tiny. white jewel,
Set deep In its choral beds.
Now where are the sage reporters,
Who wait oy hamlet and hill,
To tell to the listening nation
The news of its good or ills
Come weave with your idle gossip
This golden blossom of truth
Just half a year old this morning,
And one Little Iearly tooth,
Liff[e (1yOOr0f.
Year: 1869

"A well-known physician who had an
extensive practice in Gloucester, Mass }
some forty years since, used to say that
roast beef, serenity of mind, cold water
bath, and an amiable and pretty wife
would make almost any man healthy,
wealthy and wise.
Year: 1869

The bill of Mr.. Richmond in regard TO, the
Board of Education of our City has been ma
terially amended and improved by tho Com
mittee on Education of the Assembly. In its
amended form we are decidedly Of the opinion
that it ought to pass.


It will secure. by appointment twelve Com
missioners, who are. by the requirements of
tho bill, to represent the majority and minority
Of the political parties in our city, in the pro-
portion Of seven to five, which is q decided
gain over the present organization of the Board,
in which there are II TammanT Democrats and
Mozarters and hres Republicans. But more
important than this, the thira section provides
that no appropriation shall 10 made for school
sites or buildings without vote Of three
fourths Of all the members II the Board. This
gives practical veto to tie minority on the
jobs for sites and buildings, which have been
the fruitful source of the extravagant expendi-
lures of the past. In addition, it secures the
teachers against any unjust interference, by
also requiring three-fourths vote to remove
them. These changes are so manifestly an i'm
provement on the existing condition of affairs
that we cannot but feel surprised that any fair
minded Republican should hesitate 20 adopt
them. Some of our friends seem to object to
the measure because it is said to smanate
from the leaders OF Tammany Hall,
and has its origin in o quarrel over the Clerk
of the Board. We care not where it
originates, or what the motive lis, good or bad.
If those who have the power are willing to
make q sacrifice for the public good, we are
willing to accept it for precisely what it is
worth. The Board of Education has been run
for the past ten years practically under the
same auspices as those now in control, which
have naturally eliminated in the inevitable
"ring.' We are in favor of breaking up
"rngs" wherever we find them, especially
where such palpable benefits are to be secured.
Here is q comparative statement Of the ex-
Year: 1869

NJ b. H. appeals to Mr.. Bergh in plaintive
jingle for commiseration and help against
some City Railroad Company or other, by
which he is doomed to act as driver on car
for nineteen hours a day." Mr.. Bergh may
take pity on him if he will but we haven't a
single tear-drop of the milk of human kind
ness to shed in his behalf. And this is why:


NJ. B. II. either learned in youth how to earn
his living in some department of Productive In
dustry, or he ought to have done SO. If he
did MT, he ought now, at the very opening of
Spring, to look for place wherein to begin
the work of training himself for life OF Pro-
ductive Industry. 1t may have been well to
drive car in Wmter-even nineteen hours
ga day ;" but now he should get out of that
forthwith and betakc himself to some employ
ment in which he can improve and grow into
decided efficiency and ultimate independence.
We should like to see the day when City Rail
road Companies will be obliged to seour the
country for men green enough to drive their
cars, instead of being continually beset with
applicants who flee from rural farms and work
shops in order to become City hirelings even
though this Obliges them to work "nineteen
"hour3a day.
Year: 1869

The Senate passed on Saturday the bill ex-
tending the time allowed for the construction
of a Railroad from Lake ST. Crolx Qn the Mlssis-
sippi) to Bayfield, on Lake Superior. That Road
was chartered many years ago, and richly en-
dowed with Public Lands, by the help OF which 1t
was to have been constructed within term
which expired long since. Congress now allows
it a longer term-to which we make no objec-
ton. We only insist that time shall be found
for considering and passing the bill which
accords a mere right of way to the Memphis,
FL Paso and Pacific Railroad, authorizing it to
be built uithout subsidy. True, we are told
that it will never be so built-but let lis see.
We have paid smartly for one Railroad to the
Pacific; now let us see if we cannot have one
,cithoat paying. If not, we may incline toward
another subsidy, but not till it shall have been
demonstrated that we can have none without.
We ask for the FL PasO Road fair Trial; and
that it shall be accorded now If time can be
found to pass other Railroad bills, why not
for this 4?
Year: 1869

Congress means to adjourn on Saturday.
This is well, if its work shall then be done; if
not, not. And one of its duties that will not
well bear postponement, is that of enabling the
People of Virginia to vote themselves back
into the Union if they will. 1t is high time
they did it; it is more than time that Congress
gave them the opportunity. The plan sub
mitted to the President on Saturday by a
Committee of leading Virginians seems to us
exceedingly well digested. Let the People vote
at once on the proposed new Constitution, with
a separate ballot on the Test Oath and State
Disfranchisement which are specially objected
TO. Why not7 What need of delay or long
debatef We pray the Republicans in Congress
not to adjourn without giving Virginia chance
10 resume her place in the Union.
Year: 1869

We ask our friends at Albany to see that the
bill for the sale of the City Markets is not
smothered. Private enterprise can serve us far
better, in this matter, than we are served now.
Let us have an end of the City Market
nuisance under which we have suffered so long.
Sell the markets. and have done with them. II
is the shortest road out of the difficulties they
entail
Year: 1869

The confession of Twitchell, the convicted
murderer, now awaiting execution of sentence,
in Philadelphia, will not strike the general
mind as a document calculated to command
implicit confidence. Nevertheless, it has enough
probability to stimulate the hope for such
further statements from the prisoner as are
said to be probable.
Year: 1869

and the appointment of his successor was
made in view of the fact that that gentleman
was known to entertain views similar TO those
of Mr.. Webster concerning what constitutes
taxable banking capital. No change IN 'no w
policy of the Bureau is indicated by the chanso
Of officers, and no reflection is cast either upoI 81
the official conduct or the personal integr'' "
the late Assessor.
Year: 1869

The nomination of David D. Parker for U.
S. Marshal in the District of Virginia is an
eminently proper one. He was the first man
to volunteer from his town, and served during
the war in the Army of the Potomac. For the
last two years of the war, he had charge Of the
mails in that army, and since then he has acted
as mail agent in the State of Virginia.
Year: 1869

The change in the Assessorship of our great
banking and brokerage district, the XXXIId,
30 soon after the excitement over the efforts by
the late incumbent to give wider application
TO the law taxing the capital employed in
banking, has not unnaturaly aroused specula-
tions as to its effect upon that movement. 1t
should be known that the failure to reappoint
Assessor Webster was not caused by apv
disapDroval of his official course On the
contrary it is understood that he has bonn
hasIaIned throughout by his superior officers
Year: 1869

He who can write an anonymous letter assaii-
ing the character of another is so brazeh' 80
self-confessed villain, that we regret 'he
necessity which constrains us to read enough
of his libel to ascertain its irresponsible ehar'
acter. Then we pitch it loathingiy into the
Gra
Year: 1869

The Pacific Railroad war Qko the U. P.
Co.'S safe) opens rich. We do not say which
party is MT wrong in the quarrel bat wo
cherish lively hope that the public will bo
largely benefited by its prosecution to tue
utmost.
Year: 1869

A couple some twenty-five years ago, at
late hour of the night and in severe
weather, called up Justice of the Peace to
tie matrimonial knot for them. The Jus.
tice raised his window and demanded their
business, and on being advised of their
wishes said, "Married and be damned" and
closed the window. The couple accepted
the first part part of the sentence as utFi-
cient and concluded to take their chances
as to second.