smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1869

We like the way Mayor Hall of
New York treats the preSumptuous
niger who calls himself Lieuten-
ant Governor of Louisiana. The
story thought worth telegraphing
that the sable dignitary sent word
to the Mayor that he should be
in New York so-and-So, and would
like to receive a call from the
chief magistrate of the city. Hall
sent back word that he declined
the honor, and if the niger pre-
sumed to call upon him except on
official business, he should em-
ploy the police te eject him. In
dividual niggers in their proper
character are entitled to civil treat
ment, and we venture to say would
receive it from Mayor Hall; but
when they put on airs, in eonse-
quence of the transient authority
they hold, it is best to take the
conceit out of them in the most
convenient mode.
Year: 1869

In THE WRoNG PLACE.-The toe
prevalent habit of sleeping in
church is the occasion of many
queer incidents and queer stories.
A well known citizen lately fell
asleep in a country church. He
was finally disturbed by the touch
of a contribution box In the hands
of one of the deacons, who was
taking up collection ; but, with
out opening his eyes, the sleeper
calculated @Season," and sunk
back to resume his nap. 1t is un-
necessary to say that he was a
season ticket passenger on a rail-
road.
Year: 1869

A curious story. is told of d


well known citizen, who a short


time since, was dangerously ILL.,


Just before he was taken down,


he had made a successful trade


In which quite sum of money


was realized from a neighbors


mistake. 1t was true that it was


all fair enough, but then casuist


would have said the money should


be restored. But the old mer-
chant wasn't a casuist. He had


been taught to look out for him
self, and when some of his neigh
bors ventured to demonstrate with
him, he very pointedly advised
them to attend to their own bust.
ness. But when he was sick, his
feelings underwent a very radical
change. He began to think that
maybe be hadn't acted just right,
and as his illness became more
intense, and his condition more
critical, this suspicion grew into
certainty. he finally grew very
contrite over his misdeeds, and
promised that in case his life was
spared he would make restitution.
He even went SO far as to send
for a minister to pray with him,
and at the sick mans request the
burden of the minister's PRAYER
was that he might be permitted
to live and right the wrong he
had done.


Whether the prayer was literal.
ly answered, it would be difficult
to say, but at all events, the sick
man got well. But, like a great
many others when in health, he
forgot the promises be had made
when sick, snd'failed to make the
necessary restitution.


The minister therefore, called no
nim u KNOW the cause..of the de-
lay.


After parrying the questions
addressed to him as well as be
could, he said, at last:


''But what if / get sick again %


"Then, my brother, you will
have the consciousness of having
lone a good action"


eyes, but l wouldn't have any
hing to compromise with; but if
hold on to the money, and | get
'lck again, l can.say to the Lord:
Just let me off this time and Pl
,iye it back, sure"


1t is useless to Isay the argu-
nent was unanswerabie.
Year: 1869

The Chattanooga Republican,
good Radical authority, makes
this statement in It's issue of
June 3:


"The Commissioner of Registra-
ton for this county reports the
number Of voters at 2,244 whites
and Zoo colored, making in all
1914, at least fourteen or fifteen
hundred more than the county
would vote if every man in it
should go to the polls and deposit
his ballot. This is the result of
giving out blank certificates to the
Chattanooga ring in order to give
them control Of corporation affairs,
We don't suppose our modern
Hugh Alexander has any more idea
about the number of registered vo-
ters in this county than did his
immortal namesake who con-
quered the world and killed him
self by drinking wine some three
thousand years ago. We don't
think any men in Hamilton
county need complain Of the fran
chise laws; for we have every man
in it enfranchised, and enough
outstanding certificates of registra-
tiOn to supply nearly or all the.
ladies who would be willing to
own that they are twenty-one for
the sake of getting to vote. "
Year: 1869

A gentleman in Rochester, n.
H., saw an advertisement that a
receipt for the cure of dyspepsia
might be had by sending postage
stamp to the advertiser. He was
a victim, and sent his stamp. The
answer was, "Dig in your garden
and let whisky alone"
Year: 1869

The best telling of an item we
have read lately is by an Iowa
paper, which says: "The consta-
bic and prisoner disagreed about
which was the best route, and as
the prisoner has not been heard
from since, it is supposed he took
the wrong road"
Year: 1869

The potato disease in some
parts of the country is worse this
spring than ever before. A cottage
house and lot valued at $4,000, sit
uated in flourishing village in
Vermont, was q short time ago Of
fered for seven potatoes of new
variety.
Year: 1869

A negro doctor in Georgia pre-
scrlbed for a rheumatic old wo-
man that she should bury all her
husbands money under stone in
the garden. She did go; and
though the rheumatism didn't van
ish, the money did.
Year: 1869

The Commissioner of Agriculture,
speaking Of meteorological changes,
affirms that their effects have been more
or less injurious, in proportion to the
degree Of negligence in culture and
crudity in condition Of heavy or moist
lands. In some instances soils which
are naturally of superior excellence, }, but
in inferior mechanical condition, have
yielded uuprotitable returns. The pro-
duction of the country might be in
creased hundreds of millions of dollars
By more thorough communion of soils,
by their modification and amelioration,
and by the draining of saturated and
tenacious lands. The loss from want OF
these agricultural improyements,seriou
in any season, is exceptionally large the
present year. As another result, wider
range is seen in the rate of production
per acre, extended from decided success
to utter failure.
Year: 1869

JOHN CHINANAN is said to be great
coward in . storm, and the steamer
Golden Age on her recent voyage to
Japan came near being lost by the Chi
nese sailors becoming paralyzed with
fear during severe weather.
Year: 1869

A writer on the fashions makes tho
important announcement that there is a
tendency to revive, for gentlemen's full
dress costume, the old fashion of knee
breeches He adds that, should this be
done, padding, of course, will have to
be used"
Year: 1869

A Niger was run over by an OK team
at Houston, Texas, and sued the driver
for damages. The Judge decided that
an able-bodied niger that was qualified
to vote ought to be smart enough to get
out Of the way Of an OK team.
Year: 1869

Without any special complaint, except grad.
ual declination of bodily strength and nervous
energy, will find in the TONIC A FOUNTAIN
OF VITALITY ANDEYIG0R AS RE-
A POOL IN 1HE DESERT TO THE SAND
SCORCuED AND PAINTING tyr NEIER
Year: 1869

STORM IN TIE SUN.--Scientific inves
tigation into the mysteries of the suns
surface has been, great this year. A
great magnetic storm is predicted. An
examination Of the sun through new
and powerful instruments has revealed
new and wonderful appearances on its


surface. Immense spots, millions oi
miles in extent, are said to have appear
ed One of them recently moved q
hundred thousand miles in a second.
We are told that violent physical
changes are going ON that the magnet
ic storms are regulated by fixed laws
aud occur every eleven years. The next
one is to lie in 1870. Its effect upon
magnetic instruments will be noted with
intense interest by the first scientific
men Of the day. What effect these
storms will have upon the atmosphere,
vegitation and the light of the sun, will
afford plenty of food for speculation
and thought.
Year: 1869

A PRACTICAL FLYINa MAoHINE.-A
member Of one Of the oldest and most
successful business establishments in
this city has been for several years OK
perimenting with flying machine that
he has invented and is now sanguine
will be entirely successful. Discarding
entirely the common modes of meeting
the difficulties of keeping the machine
pendent in the air by some form of bal
loon, our Paducah inventor eleyates
his machine, and keeps it aaoat, by
mechanical means and the use Of niete-
ria!s that combine strength with exten
sion His present machine, which may
be called indeed a model, employs two
engines, with two-inch cylinders, and
its supporting and propulsive agency is
perpendicular shaft with two arms, to
which beautiful wings are attached.
These wings strike the air at about the
same angle as the wings ofa bird do,
and operate more like screw propellers
than the wings used on any other fly
ing machine yet proposed. The steam
was put ON last Thursday in the pres
ence of several competent machinists,
and everything worked in satisfactory
manner. The inventor is now engaged
in ascertaining, by practical experiment,
the exact lifting power Of his machine.
Those to whom he has exhibited it are
unanimous in their opinion that he will
achieve the great feat of making a
machine that will fly; will be elevated
or depressed at pleasure; will go in a
direction contrary to the wind and will
not need balloon to give it buoyancy.
|-Padueah Kentuckian.
Year: 1869

A NEW INSTRUMENT OF DEATH.-Several cases have
recently occurred at New York and Brooklyn where
windows have been pierced and persons shot with bull


lets without the usual noise incident the discharge
OF a gun or pistol. A correspondent of one of the
New York papers states that these bullets not shot
from air guns, as has been generally supposed, but
that there is kind of gun sold that somewhat
resembles the old crossgun except that instead of the
arrow Or bullet being propelled by the elasticity of
bow it is in this accomplished by the equally for
chile elasticity Of an india-rubber strap A bullet
placed in this gun and the strap being forcbly drawn
back, and then unoosened BY trigger its sudden re-


taxation gives force to the bullet but little inferior to
the expansion Of the suddenly released gases of gun
powder; and this can be done without any greater
noise than is created by the bowgun its bow is re-
leased. 1t these statements true, these weapons
will prove very dangerous in the hands of assassns as
the absence of any report at the time of shooting will


greatly facilitate the escape of the persons using them
Year: 1869

Don PIATT BEHIND DExTER.-We copy as follows
from the special correspondence of Cincinnati Com
mercial:


We were approaching the long rise, which termin-
ates at the Jerome Park House. when we came up with
| venerable pump in broad brm hat and shad belly
coat seated behind disreputable little shaggy horse.
Dexter was about passing the corner, when the
cient buffer gave his shaggy horse touch with the


whip and he shot ahead like bombshel. Bouner
hesitated moment, and then gave the word and away
we went after the pony. But our shad stnger.
His pony ran like Grant the cholera. We did not
pass him. 1t was up grade, and heavy in dust and
aud sand. Dexter had we'll on to eight hundred be-
hind him. We steadily gained, however, and as we
did, the said old shad touched his dsreputable hoss
and the little fellow bent honestly down his work,
until he seemed to hug the road saw Bonners eyes
fash, and his face flush. He tightened the lines and
yelled at the horse, who responded nobly. We gained
steadily Dexter was overtaking shad fate.


"Never mind, !" said Bonner, wait till we reach
the rise and take down the SLOPE when Dexter won't
feel the weight, and I'll show him."


We passed the hotel fairly flying. | saw the
crowded portcoes and the men start to their feet and
heard their cheer to the famous trotter We reached
the turn of the hill Dexters nose almost touched
the near wheel of sbad's buggy, when sight pre-
sented itself that ended the race. The road was
crowded with vehicles, coming and going To shoot
Dexter down among them death to somebody.
Bonner held up, aggravated beyond measure


Returning to the hotel stopped for half an hour
and blanketng Dexter, mingled with the people on
the porches. We had all the heavy operators in stock
and drivers of fast horses. Among Others l for
the first time the famous Commodore Vanderbilt
Dressed in plain black, with white choker, one would
have taken his tall poy person for that of respect
able Episcopal minister, had not look at his face
cleared him Of that suspicion His small sharp eyes
glitter like snakes. His is the cruel beak of
hawk while his lips the persouifcation of sensual
ity. Heaven help the man or woman who has to ap-
proach that face for mercy.


Ruturning slowly through the park felt all the las
Sude of one who had been in battle. Bonner told
me some amusing incidents of life behind Dexter But
have run beyond my limit, and so must close.
Year: 1869

HORRIBLE DEArH-A Drunkards Stomach ON Fire
About midnight on Sunday last the people OF the vii
liage of Rainbow, near New Haven, CT, were awak-
ened by the cry Of fire. which proved be caused by
the burning of two.story framed house, owned by
John Darwin, and occupied by him as liquor saloon,
which was completely destroyed. Those neighbors
first the spot, found Darwin lying on the ground SO
badly burned as to be nearly insensibe. He was con-
veyed to neghboring house, but died in great agony
before morning appears that the unfortunate man,
as soon as he had discovered the fire. ran out of the
honse but subsequently returned to save his five sleep
ing children he badly intoxicated at the time,
and entering the burning building, the flames struck
him IN the face and Immediately owning to the amount
of liquor he had drank, set fire to the inside of his
throat and stomach, burning up bis tongue, so that
when he was found, that organ mere crisp. The
children were saved by the neighbors, ore of them
badly scorched The eldest boy says general carou-
sal had been going in the saloon, and while
one intoxicated was drawing liquor he probably set
fire to an old featherbed the barrel Everything
in the house burned and the children are thus left
orphans and unprovided for.
Year: 1869

IUIIUWlNR:


Plus TX received with his own hands the offering
presented to him by the different deputations Among
Others the Pope received, on the 10th, an Euglis.
nohleman, who presented His Holiness with skull
cap filed with sovereigns At the end of the tasse
was damon of immense value. Having presented
his magnificent offering, the Englshman added, will
the usual phlegm of his nation that he gave the
ent on condition of getting the Popes skull cap in re
turn Plus * smiled, and ringing the bell he ordered
the servant to bring him another calotte WLer
brought, he took off the one he and gave it t,
the Engishman who put it into bis pocket and retired
saying that be was never so pleased in his life.
Year: 1869

Sheis unmarried and--she Ia strong.
minded; that Is, she believes In wo-
men owning property, and not being
tied down to what IL called woman Is
sphere. Who can blame her?


Had she taken the advice OF those
who consider that they have settled
the great question of the age, she
would be now toiling In a school
room, worn out, jatied and wretched,
on q miserable salary OF $40 month.
Instead of that, she is free and indc-
pendent. and rich, while the rest of
us, who were considered smart, are
grinding along, editing country pa
pers or starving. She is as unpreten-
tious as ever-for the executive talent
that could do so much Is no tone that
blows its own horn.


Finally, every word we have writ
ten is true. The only reason we do
not give her name in full is because
we do not like to drag her name into
public notice without her consent.
Residents in Bloomington Will know
who we mean, and others who are
curious can find out by addressing us
personally. We only publish the
case because it shows that there Is no
real bar to woman's doing business,
If she has natural faculty and per-
sistence.
Year: 1869

Geo. III. Grindon, i'm one of his
masterly efforts, says Of the death
and burial OF man: "As the soul Is
the man. and the material body only
his house while upon the earth, a
man Is never really buried! No hu-
man being since the beginning Of
the world has ever yet been buried,
no, not even for few minutes.
Buried! How can living soul be
buried? Man Is where his conscious
being is-his memory, his love, his
imagination and since that cannot
be put in the grave, the man is never
put there. So far from being our
last home, the grave Is not home at
all, for we are never laid in 1t or go
near 1t. Happy the day when all
shall learn that corpses of the de-
parted are no more than relinqnished
garments Of living men and women
temples CT God, In which divine
service is over andr finished, the
chanting hushed, the aisles deserted,
and to be contemplated with as little
terror aud revolving as we gaze at the
silent walls Of soue ruined cathe-
Jral.n
Year: 1869




LYMAN BEECHER. The Rev Doc
Tor some years ago, Was going II ONE
one night with a volume of encyclo-
pedia under his arm when he saw a
small animal i'm his path. The doc
tor knew 1t was skunk, but hurled
the book at him. AS might have
been expected, the worthy divine
was glad to retreat.


When he arrived at home his
friends could scarcely como near
him. His cloths were SO infested
that he was obliged to bury them.


Sometime time after this some one
published pamphlet speaking very
abusively of the worthy doctor, who
was asked. "Why don't you pub
lish book and put him down ut
once?i


His reply wGs prompt and wise.
"Sir / have learned better. SOME
years ago / issued whole volume
against q skunk, and I got the
worst of it. l never mean To try the
experiment again.
Year: 1869

II was once the lot Of the writer To
dwell I'm the white tents Of Camp
Harrison, in Georgia--in that lower
part of the State where families are
far between and much more 30 In
war times For long weeks we had
not seen O woman or a child.


At last the railroad through the
camp was repaired, and in the first
train there was lady, with just such
a wide.awake kicking baby as the
later one Of the metropolis. Some
hundreds of rough soldiers were
around the cars, and Captain Story
of the 57th Infantry, was the biggest
and toughest among them, ii We
judge the tree by the bark.


The lady with the baby in her arms
was looking from window. and he
took off his hat and said, Madam
| will give you five dollars, If you
will let me kiss that baby" One
look at his bearded face told hel
there was nothing bad in it, and say
ing, with pleased laugh, ~ do no
charge anything for kissing my ba
byp it was handed over. The littl,
one was not afraid, and the bushy
whiskers were just the play house j
had been looking for.
More than one kiss did the captain
get from the little red lips, and there
was energy In the hug of the littl,
round arms. Then other voices said
"pass him over here Cap!n Ant
before the train was ready to NOV,
half a hundred men had kissed th,
baby. 1t was on its best behavior
and crowded, and kicked, and tugget
at whiskers, as only q happy bab,
can. 1t was an event Of the cam
paign; and one giant mountaineer
who strobe past us with a tread lik
a mammoth, but with tear dimme'
eyes and quivering lip, said. "B.
George it makes me feel and act lik
a fool; but I've got one just like 1t a
home."
Year: 1869




A POLITE Boy The other day we
We're riding In crowsd railway car
riage. AT one of the stations an old
gentleman entered, and was looking
around him fora seat, when lad of
ten or twelve years Of age rose up
and said, Take my seat sir


The offer was gladly accepted and
the infirm. old man sat down.


why did you give me your seat?'
he enquired of the boy.


Because you are old and am d
boy was the quick reply.


The passengers were very much
pleased aud gratifled. For my part
| wanted To seize hold of the little
fellow and press him to my heart.
1t was respect for age, which is
always praisewortny.--E
Year: 1869

10 HtAT hIsH DIUusNII tHY net pThyerH. "


The teacher discovered the rhyme
and called out the culprit. For a
punishment she gave him his choice
to make another rhyme in five min
utes, or be whipped. So after think
ing and thinking and scrathing his
head, till his time was nearly out,
and the teacher was lifting the
stick in q threatening manner,
ut the last moment he exclaimed:


Here stand before Miss Blodgott


She's going strike and I'm ganr dodge ~,


He was sent to his seat
Year: 1869

Ina recent textemporaneous address
delivered by Mayor Hall before
class of business college graduates,
the following passage occurs:


'There Is no better word in the
English language than 'plod' If you
would really and truly succeed in
life, young men, you must lLod.-
oh says somebody, John Brown--a
snap of the finger for him; he il only
a plodderp only q ploddcr! There
never was n man, though he was
the most brilliant genius in tho
world, who did not owe whatever OF
real success he may have achieved to-
being n plodder AS well. 1t Is all
very well to coruscate and light the
path of life, but it must be rLUcK
and PLoD that carries man success
fully over"


Worse things than that have been
said in the pulpit; and we do not
doubt that this little lay sermon will
be productive OF as much good az
many a more elaborate disquisition
flanked on either side with rituaI
pomp and ceremony. The world
has recently gone into raptures over
the completion of the Pacific Rail-
road, which is aptiy termed the
greatest achievement of the century.
How much would genius alone have
done towards planting highway
across this mighty continent.2 or
what use would have been Congress
sional appropriations, the right Of
way, preliminary surveys and
spread-eagleism, without the "pIuck
and plod" of the sturdy workmen,
who inch by inch and foot by foot
leyeled the mountains and filed up
the valleys for the "path of the en-
pire?" All honor to the men who
conceived this great enterprise, an d
equal honor to the willing hands
and sturdy hearts that made Its
achievement possible.


Fortune and fame which come
without the requisite toll are rarely
blessings in themselves, and rarely
come to stay. The law of compen-
sation is beneficent In it's action,
and much more universal In
It's application than we are apt to be-
lieve. Courage, sobriety, trust in
God, and steady perseverance I'm
right doing carry with them contin-
ual blessing, and lead to the only le-
gitimate success Inckdrel's Monthiv.
Year: 1869




ism and Am ericRn sympathy


theroVSIth.


A Washington dispatch says there are
some reasons for believing that Gov
ernmeut will tender its congratulations
to the Spanish Cortes on the election of
Marshal Serrano as regent of Spain. It
is thought in official circles at WASH
ington that this act of tho COrtes goes
about as far in the direction of making
a Republic as could reasonably have
been expected by any one conyersant
with the state OF affairs IN that cOun-
try, and it Is felt that the new govern
ment deriving its powers from the Corr
tes and written Constitution as ours
does from the people through Congress,
and the constitution, must be essential
ly Republican In character. President
Grant, of course will in time be official
ly notified by the Spanish Minister of
what has been done by the Cortes, and
there is u belief among persons usually
we'll informed that then, If not in some
other way, we shall officially express
our symputhies with Spain III lis strug-
giles for u more liberal government.
The prevalent idea among those inter-
ested in these questions is that it will
be difficult for US to recognize Cuban
belligerency if Serrano and his ass0cia-
tes faithfully carry out the policy to
which the Cortes has committed itself,
and there are persons who believe that
the new Captain General, Senior De La
Rodas, is coming to Cuba with the
olive branch rather than the sword IN
his hand, viz: that he will propose
and inaugurate reforms intended to sat-
isfy the wishes of many now In the in
surgent ranks.