Year: 1861

TRUE NARRATIVE.


low shall find the way back to God T?
was the inquiry Of backsiddcn professor !;
it seems so hard [ have no confidence in
myself, and very little in anything else there
is nothing but doubts and darkness-worse,
thousandfold than before knew anything of
religion" How shall you 60 back ? Just
the way you went to Him at first, only in
deeper humiliation, inasmuch as your sin is
aggravated and fearful. Let me tell you of q
backslder in heart, who was filled with her
own ways-a true history; and how she
found peace at last.


Mrs. Ryan had been q professor of religion
for many years-that is, she had, when
scarcely out of childhood, been seriously i'm
pressed with thoughts Of God and duty, had
believed she was sinner, and was willing to
accept Gods terms of forgiveness. And then
to do what she supposed was an especial du-
ty, she stood up, with others, in the public
congregation, and avowed her determination
to renouncc tho world and live truly and hum
bly, Christian life. For time, the young
girl walked reverently and carefully before
God trying to obey the cxactions Of consci
ence, land supposing that as she was command
ed to love God with all her heart so there was
in her some latent power to fulfil all the law
But she had not learned to depend upon God
for strength instead of her own resolutions and
efforts; she became discouraged by repeated
failures; and when the temptations and al
lurcmepts Of ambition gathered around her,
she grew remiss by degrees, and at last ccas'
ed altogether from prayer and watchfu|ness,
and lived only in the pursuits and pleasures
that belong to the present life. And thus
years passed away until youth was gone and
the Chastener's hand was laid heavily on her
hopes and on her heart But in that time
she had learned to doubt the genuincness of
the Christian belief; she doubted the power,
aud sometimes the truth Of religion; she put
the thought of Christ far away, and said in
her heart, L have no wish or need Of thee.
And so when trial and suffering changed the
features of her outward life, and wrought also
their great transformation in her inner being,
there was no comforter, no retreat in any sor-
row. no place of rest for her sick and weary
heart.


After time, she began to be in want; the
illusions that had cheated her SO long were all
gone, and her soul seemed to stand desolate
and barren, and to cry out, Who will show
me any good? :? At first she refused to be-
]ieyc that God was the want of her soul, tho
there was something like an inner voice con-
tipualy responding to the command, GIVE
me thine heart She reasoned and cavlled,
and tried to persuade the voice to be still !;
but in spite of all there grew upon her the
conviction that she was wrong--all wrong
and the sense of want grew more urgent ana
pressing, until she became sad and restless
with the feeling that God only was what she
must have.


At length, she made promise to remem-
Der her obligations to God, and attempted to
commence the work of selt-converson. 1t
was hard work all the doubts she had ever
known came back, and what appeared to be
the reason contested every step she took. vi
conrsc, the first duty was to pray; but where
to find God seemed a most difficult and hope
less thing. She had long thought of him as
the most grand, sublime Idea in the universe
at an infinite distance from her own being
Her personal relations to Him she had consld-
cred very indefinite, and now there was no
tangible thing-no God to whom in her me-
cessity she could speak. The idea OF falth
seemed to be wholly lost; she could IND no
exclamation of the term that was anything to
her case. For time she could only pray. by
reasoning in this way . l believe there is a
God, and he has told me to pray. L 90 not
know how to find him, but | know nc sees my
heart,and to be true to his own word nc must
hear ne when l speak One day. while IN
this state of mind, she retired to her closet,
but no form of prayer would answer the need
Of her heart. She took the Bble,and as God
would have it she opened to these words OF d
Christ :: If any man will do my wlll,he shall
know Of the doctrine This thought she,
is inst what want. will ask God to show
mo what is true of himself and of my relation
to him here is his word, and as he Is true he
will do it, ,: H..


And God did keep the promise, and IN Ills
providence placed in her hands such BOOKS OK
as showed her the way, the truth, and the
life The first that came in her way was
q volume of sermons called The Way OF
Salvation The title attracted her at once,
as heing Of all others the subject she wanted
TO understand. She read eagerly, ana tne
nrecious truths were accepted in her heart -
All the old doubt and unbelief vanished as
- nossed from chapter to chapter, and she