Year: 1859

1





The art Of Living with Others.


In the first place, il people are to live happily
together, they must not fancy, because they are
thrown together now, that all their lives have
have been exactly similar up TO the present
time. that they started exactly alike, and that
they are to be for the future of the same mind.
thorough conviction Of the difference of men
is the great thing to be assured of in social
knowledge. II is to Life what Newton's law
is to Astronomy. Sometimes men have a
knowledge Of it with regard to the world in
general they do not expect the outer world TO
agree with them in all points, but are Vexed at
not being able to drive their own tastes and
opinions into those they live with. Diversities
distress them. Yet we might as well say.
"wky all these stars. why this difference; why
| not all one star %


Many OF the rules for people living together
in peace follow from the above. For instance,
not to interfere unreasonably with others, not
TO rdcue their tastes, not TO question and re.
question their resolves not to indulge in per-
petual comment on their proceedings, and to
delight in their having other pursuits than ours,
are all based upon thorough perception OF the
simple fact that they are not we.


Another rule for living happily with others is
to avoid having stock subjects OF disputation
1t mostly happens. when people live much to.
gether, that they come to have certain set top.
,cs rouod uDhich from, Greonant diSnute ,hsra ;s
such growth of angry words, mortified vanity,
aud the like, that the original subject of differ
ence becGHles a standing subject of quarrel;
and there is tendency in all minor disputes to
drift down to it.


Again, if people wish to live we'll together,
they must not hold too much TO logic, and sup
pose that everything is to be settled by sufficient
reason. DR.. Johnson saw this clearly with re-
gard to married people, when he said, Wret-
ched would be the pair above all manner OF
wrelchedness who should be doomed 10 adjust
by reason, every morning. all the minute details
Of domestic day." But the application should
be much more general than he made it. There
is no time for such reasonlngs, and nothing
that is worth them. And when we recoIlecl
how two lawyers, or two politicians, can GO on
contendng. and that there is no end of one.
sided reasoning on any subject, we shall not be
sure that such contention is the best mode of
arriving at truth; but certainly it is not the
way to arrive at good temper.


If you would be loved as a companion avoid
unnecessary criticism upon those with whom
you live. The number of people who have Ia.
ken out judges patents for themselves is very
large in any society. Now it would be hard
for man TO live with another who was always
crticisng his actions, even if it were kindly
and Just criticism. II would be like living be-
tween the glass of a microscope. But these
self-elected judges, like their prototypes, are
apt to have the persons they judge brought be.
fore them in the guise of culprlts. One of the
most provoking forms Of criticism above alluded
to is that which may called criticism over the
shoulder. Had | been consulted -" Had
you listened TO me '-'' But you always will -
and such scraps of sentences, may remind
many of US of dissertations which we have suf-
fered aud inflicted, and of which we cannot call
to mind any soothing effect.


Another rule is, not to let familiarity swallow
up all courtesy. Many of US have a habit Of
saying to those with whom we live such thing.
as We say about strangers behind their back
There is no place, however, where real polite.
ness is Of more value than where mostly thinI
it would be superfuous. You may say more
truth, or rather speak out more plainly to you
associates. but not less courteously than you d.
TO strangers.