Year: 1867

till you are miserably sick, to have q
steward open your door in the morn
ing, and ask you if you'll have q
fresh roll for breakfast.


1t is stated that Brigham Young is
about to petition Congress for an
appropriation to take the census of
his whole family.


A man in neighboring city who
had been fined several weeks in sue
cession for getting drunk, coolly
proposed to the magistrate that he
should take him by the year at re-
duced rate.


Why does a young man of twenty,
tottering along under broken down
constitution, give evidence of having
lived about three times as leng?-
Because he is ''going it like sixty"


The Union prisoners who made
their escape from Richmond, must
have felt pretty well pleased when
they awoke next morning and found
themselves "Cell- Libby-rated.


What is the true metal to use in
order to insure success In business?
Printers Zinc!"


The Jewish women were once pun
ished for adoring false calf.


LET the women of this country
take warning ."-Atlanta Era.


Better give this caution to the
men!


A good many years ago, when Gen.
Cass was leader among Democrats,
and consequently an object of dislike
to the Wings, it was moved in the
Legislature of a Western State to be-
stow the name of Cass on a new
county, A whig, meaning. to be sar-
castle, rose and moved as an amend
ment, that the first letter of the pro-
posed name be struck out.


The laugh was on his side hugely,
until the Democrat retorted that he
might not have any objection, but
that it was very unusual for men,
Der to rise and propose that county
in the State should be named after
himself, and then the other side had
the laugh.


Two Quaker girls were ironing on
the same table. One asked the 9TH
er which side she would take, the
right or left. She answered, promp-
ly: alt will be right for me to take
the left, and then it will be left for
thee to take the right" :.


A young lady said to her beau. as
she held pot of hot water in her
hand, promise to marry me or I'll
scald you" "Throw the water" he
replied, 81 had rather be scalded
once than every day of my life.''


A literary gentleman, whose cour-
tesy in certain matter pretty wo-
man had rewarded with q kiss, was
so well pleased with the mode of
payment, and so little satisfied with
the amount, that, judging by the fol-
lowing epigrammatie reply, he is
likely to prove an inexorable credi-
tor. We don't blame him:


Gone coin, so delicious, alone,


Pays more than you owe, and yet,


While you have mint of your own


Don't ask me to cancel tho debit"


When your wife is silent, hold the
baby for her. Perhaps it is as much
IS she can do to hold her tongue.


R The Digger Indians who SUBJ
sist on roots are essentially radical.


A Frenchman said of Shakespeare,
'Ven you find any zing you no un-
lerstan', it is always somesing fine"


Josh Billings says: "Marryin for
owe may be little risky, but it is
10 honest that God kant help but
smile at it.


A poet advertised to supply Lines
or any occasion" A fisherman
;alIed and wanted ga line strong
nough to catch porpoise."


Why is a glutton like proposal?
Because he is an over -chewer lover
ure.


Wearers of false calves should be-
rare of coU.catchers when travelling
y railroad.


What measure does Secretary Sew
rd use in his land purchases? He
uys land by the pole.


How shall we build a dam to stop
his gold drain? We don't know
congress don't seem to care d---n
bout it.


The reason why small women are
le most loved is that there is not
D much waist of affection with
lem!


The man who attempted to look
ito the future had the door slammed
his face.