Year: 1868




: there. Very soon I felt that 1 was nc


playing at making love. She seemed some


how, to belong to me.


why, loved her when she was but
mere child Little notes were smuggleC
> under her door at night time Lit
. tie locks of her sunny hair were cut of


and hidden away in an old pocket-book
which never left me night or day whel


| was at school. 1t was calf love,
suppose kind of affection that bi!
folks sneer at; but I'll swear that it was tn,
purest love that was given to girl.
She liked teasing me. You know how
6 girls like to tease boys /; the girls, who fol
their age are so unnaturally forward the
boys, who, paradoxical as it may SEEM ar,
) so feminine and shy. She could dance anC
hold her way with men twice her own agt
in ballroom, while could only wish tC
heaven did not feel so awkward and such
a fool, as stood between the folding doors
watching her coquetting with the humble
bunch Of violets [ had gathered for her il
the dew, two good hours before breakfas
time She had taken those same violet.
when gathered, and kissed them; but now
she was playing the woman among big
men and women, and | was a foolish
awkward lad, standing between the folding
doors, and hating every one who touched
her hand


We were both in the hobbledehoy stage
of our existence, she awkward and ungain.
ly, and l rough and uncultivated, when
| began to understand what strange
whimsical, variable disposition she had
/ Na1f- nin Il,
crying, and complain that we were separ-
ated for so long a time, firing me
with wild, enthusiastic notions of becom-
ing a great man for her sake and then
in the evening she would turn icy cold,
and imply in the general conversation
that cousins were cousins, and that was
all.


Perhaps this was wise on her part, and
showed unusual discretion l persuaded
myself at the time that it was both wise
and discreet, but then my eyes were not yet
opened.


Y ears after that we really did love. At
last was binder than ever but | will tell
you how we acted, in order that you may see
how much dust was thrown in my eyes.


And here [ must tell you the strangest
part of this strange story as it seems to
me- No man in the world is more sensi-
tive than | am. | am over sensitive and
to a fault crying very often for an i'm
aginary moon, when the moon is not so
very far off, after all, and coming and
creating difficulties which ought never to
have existed | mention this to show that
l am not constituted like one Of those
thick-skinned, obtuse fellows one meets
with occasionally, who love so blindly that
they are ignorant altogether of woman's
witness and tinesse, and would 90 on iov-
ing in a heavy, lethargic manner, though
the whole world sees at glance that their
Omphales are deliberately sending them to
sleep in order to rob them of their strength
for whim. | was at Omphale's feet-I
don't deny it for a moment but the first
snip of the scissors would have awakened
me from the poppiest Of slumbers.


IF | We're TO own that | was a fool, |
should be cutting at once at the root OF my
story. | don't understand the meaning of
what | tell you, any more than you will
be likely to understand it. | give you
the facts, and must leave you to unravel
the mystery.


We were both Of US in our plain senses
quite grown up by this time, and able to
think for ourselves and now | will tell
you what we did one spring-time down at
Craven Court.


She had grown into a finely shaped
woman. Not beautifully no means
beautiful ; some people might very fairly
have considered her plain-but hers was
that strange kind of ugliness that had
terrible fascination for me. Not one ef
her features would have borne criticism.
Her mouth was large, her teeth perfect,
her eyes sometimes sly, very often mex
pressibly sweet; her skin as fair as a lily,
and her hair-ah, her hair For that
hair of hers | could have forgiven every
thing


There had been a wedding down at
Craven Court. 1t was spring-time, and
was hidden there, only too glad to shake
the dust of London off my feet among the
bursting of apple blossoms of a Kentish
orchard. My young mans fancy had
lightly turned to thoughts of love-, over
and over again since | had last seen Lillian
Lee. Up in London | had tried to per-
suade myself that my boyish affection was
just so much folly. In action over and
over again | had been untrue to the love
which had warmed my young heart; In
reality, never. There was something
which kept on telling me that only liked
in London, and loved somewhere else.
Whenever fiirted-and | firted on every
possible occasion-made little mental con-
trasts, and [ knew very well to whom |
would have rushed if every woman had
ever seen had thrown of hor


Perhaps she had firted, too perhaps
she had loved during the interval but |
know when our eyes met as we stood IN
the old oak dining-room at Craven Court,
man and woman now, in an instant the old
love rushed back intensified and to me
it never would have come back, and would
never have been intensified, had there not
been a something in those strange, blush
gray eyes Of hers which told me 1 had not
come down among the apple-blossoms for
nothing.


And the freight was fickering off from
the old wainscoting on to her marvellous
hair.


L assure you | did not bully her into
loving me- In worldly point of view, she
could gain nothing but sorrow and misery
by listening to the tale had to tell. She
knew as well as | did that were our secret
once known, her family would cut out her
name from its records and discard her at
once and forever


She loved her father and her father
loved her but in this one respect, his
heart would have become marble towards
her, and she knew it. She loved her


Il IL hnr