Year: 1869

"Ah," he proceeded, whiting the weed
rapidly, "you smoke very good stut,-
Golden Leaf and Returns not bad
mixture, though prefer a little Latakia
with it myself Not at all a bad body
yours, either" he went on, eying the form
in which he was sitting,-"nOt at all a bad
body; and it fits me to a T, only a little
short in the arms. By the way, find one
of your front teeth little loose, so don't
say did that, when you come to yourself
again; and your nose is little long for
me, but dare say it blows none the worse
for that" shuddered as 1 saw him take
out my handkerchief, and use it on that
cherished organ of mine.


"Yes, dare say now you feel the cold
little ; l did at first; but it's nothing
when you are used to it. / find your body
very hot,-being heavier than am &C
customed to wear; but it won't be for
long. l require it positively for this
night only as you say in your playbills,
and will return it uninjured by the time
we get to Chichester. By the by, let me
beg you to be little careful how you
throw your arms about so much as you
did just now, for my body is of a more
delicate construction than yours; and, be-
ing so thin in substance, am afraid you
Will SCdg III uuUcT aIllpltS. Ou Will
observe, ladies and gentlemen" he went
on in lecturers style, "that if take a
lighted Vesuvian and insertit in the cOrnea
of the patients eye, he will feel no pain"
Saying this, my dreadful companion pro-
ceeded to illustrate his remark by making
dive at my shadowy eye with a burning
match. felt no pain as the match burned
10 my head, certainly


&C Won will allow after all Won 500 that
my shape has its advantages" the ghost
proceeded "but it also has its disadvant-
ages. Try the pipe now" / tried to take
the pipe; it dropped through my vapory
fingers. He placed it in my mouth; l
could not hold it, nor get q Whit from it.
Precisely so," said the ghost. "Now,
this is just what has brought me here to-
night A great smoker all my life, doing
my six pipes day regularly, have been
defunct these two years-and during all
That time | haven't had smoke NOT
blessed draw! L miss my 'bacco dreadful.
There is provision made for smokers,
down with us, you will understand; but
we are governed by Board of Directors,
whose incapacity quite equals that of most
of your City Boards. There is stock of
bodies kept on purpose for smokers, so
that, if you want pipe, you must go into
one of the bodies to enjoy it. But, if you
will believe me, the supply is so notorious
ly insufficient to meet the demand, that
there is no chance whatever for a new
ghost to get smoke. When entered
the Society, all the bodies were out in use,
and booked for three years in advance.
My name has been down on the books for
two years, and there is no likelihood of
my getting a body allotted me undeS an
other twelvemOnth. Fancy two years
without a smokei Why, sir, the incom-
petence of our Board is positively wooden.
/ can only explain the reason why we put
up with such gross mismanagement in the
other world, because we have become so
used to it in this. Our constitutions, how
ever, are being undermined to that extent
that the Board has at last been coerced
by popular feeling into passing measure
empowering ghosts to render themselves
visible to single individuals at a time in
order that they may effect an exchange of
bodies for short periods, always with the
consent of the person IN question, for the
purpose of indulging in habit which the
directors cannot, however, but character
ize as pernicious and injurious Under
this new act | obtained your body"


"You never had my consent, fiend y l
cried.


ut is vulgar to call names, my friend"
the ghost replied smoothing my mustache
with my fingers "but you are trifling
asked you TO change places with me, and
you agreed, Ss you must be well aware.
But, dear me, here we are at Chichester;
however, must finish my pipe-think of
two years, and not blessed draw, my
friend %


The train was pulling up. My COM
paniOn leaned out of window, putting fast
and furious.


"Plenty of time to change bodies" he
said; ait shall be done in an instant as
soon as the train stops" And he con-
tinued leaning out, and whiting away
great clouds of smoke, till we came to the
platform. He hurriedly knocked out the
ashes of the tobacco on the door-rail, as
the guard cried; Change here--change
here all change here, if you please"


A sudden glow of warmth seemed to
pass over me as / rubbed my eyes, and
found, to my great delight, my own
smooth hands against my very own un-
wrinkled cheeks. looked up for my
companion-he was gone-I was. alone in
the carriage.


| Twas greatly surprised, when got on
the platform, at being asked for my card
by very OfficiOus person still more so,
on receiving a magistrates summons in
the morning. The officious person de-
posed that he was the Secretary of the
Anti-tobacco Alliance, and applied for
conviction against the undersigned, under
one Of the bylaws of the company, for
smoking in railway carriage, the prop
erty of the ID. K. F. G. Company, contrary
to their regulations. He declared to have
seen me (only think !)-me leaning out of
the carriage as it came into the Chelches-
ter Station, smoking a meerschaum pipe
The guard gave evidence that the carriage
certainly smelled very strongly of tobacco
on arriving at Chichester, and that was
the only first class passenger. A meer-
schaum pipe, answering the off1cious per-
sons description, was found on my per-
son. Case was clear Fined forty shil-
lings and costs. Nay, more: the case of
smoking in railway carriage has been
gibbeted at all the stations on the line
where l am hung up as a caution and
warning to the British public, in solemn
black frame, with my name and address,
and the amount of the penalty enforced,
at full length


1t would have been useless to attempt
to dispute the case before the magistrates.
1t is something to have set ones self right
with the Chambers Journal.


AswARM of bees and bountiful store
OF wild honey were recently found in
tree by woodchoppers on the west side of
the Sierra Nevada mountains. The Incl
dent is recorded as the first discovery of
the kind on the Pacific slope. There were
no wild bees beyond the Sierras when that