smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1868

We all have heard of the shrewdness of
" Philadelphia lawyers" In fact it has become
proverb, aud is embalmed in English diction-
aries. But we never heard of one-half the evil
dences of shrewdness in the L. L. DIS that we
have in the NJ. DIS of Philadelphia. The anec-
dote of DR.. Peters, who was cornered by an in
sane man in the cupola of the State House, who
insisted upon the doctor showing his agility by
jumping to the ground from that unpleasant en-
inence, is well known, but will bear repetition.
The doctor was saved by his presence of mind
and wit, by assuring the madman that it would
be much better evidence of agility to walk down
and jump up. The madman assented to the
proposition, and upon accompanying the doctor
to the ground he was properly cared for. The
following description of an encounter with a
sane man, from the Philadelphia North american,
however, caps the climax for shrewdness and
absurdity combined. The legal gentlemen must
look to their laurels, or the medical profession
will certainly beat them all


"In the vicinity of Second and Jefferson
streets, Monday, came off comical affair
A dyer called upon doctor to have boil upon
his face submitted to the lancet. When the dyer
got into the sanctum of the disciple of Hyppo-
crates his courage failed him. The doctor pro-
posed ether; the dyer wouldn't agree to take it.
In the vicinity of the doctors office is public
house. with a 1" shuttle board " as an appendage
The doctor proposed to the dyer to repair to this
place and play game. The dyer consented
and in the excitement of the throws of the game
forgot the throes of agony under which he had
been laboring. The willy physician, after a
time, picked quarrel with the dyer. The dyer
being spunky, called the doctor foo-foo, and
dared him to knock chip off his the dyer's)
shoulder. Dyer made lunge for the doctor s
right ear, and received return blow upon the
bottom of his vest. Dyer went down before he
could rise the doctor whipped out his lancet,
and in one instant the dyer free from pain
1t was an original mode of procedure. We have
heard of curing man of cholera by bringing
against him criminal prosecution. The excite
ment made him forget his whimseys, and con-
verted him into we'll man. The case is the
first on record where doctor picked quarrel
with patient, and operated surgically upon him
according to the rules of the prize-ring The
record now stands, q first blood for the doctor"
who carried triumphantly to the bank to
draw the check he received on the spot as fee
for his services"
Year: 1868

yesterday committee of ladies, selling
tickets for the festival of the Sixth-street Meth
odist Church, made descent on the assembled
Solons, and fairly made the money fly. 1t was
refreshing to see how readily the Democratic
members went down into their pockets and
sheed out the coin demanded by the ladies.
No use to talk about the Democracy being down
on the NJ E. Church after this exhibition of me-
talc generosity. But then it was the fair COM
mittee who did the business. Political preach
ing and clerical anathemas against Copperheads
were all forgotten and forgiven under their
bright eyes and sweet smiles. There is some
thing about the fair sex that Democrats cannot
resist. Prentice says it pertains to little girls
also, and grows them as they get older. How
this is your correspondent is of course unable to
say but the veteran editorial beau of the Louis
vile Journal ought to know"
Year: 1868

GREAT EXCITEMENT!


All about the new Meat Market on Mar
ket street. You will get meats put up in the
neatest possible manner As men Of exper-
ience, and skill are running the machine.
Call and see them one and oil, ano give
them share Of your patronage. 34m6-9
Year: 1868

P'ace seaweeds among the most nutritious of
Vesetaole substances; in fact, they are richer
III nltrogenous matter than oatmeal or Indi-
an corn"


Now we should like to know the process
by which these nutritious results are Obtain
ed. or in other words, how to cook these
plants of the sea. We know the deep sea
contains much good food for man. but we
were not aware that the marine vegetable
kingdom was so valuable and contained such
an abundance OF food for us. The oyster
comes the nearest to a vegetable OF any thing
we know that grows in the ocean and is edi-
Bile, but that has animal life and belongs not
to the vegetable kingdom. Until further ad-
vised upon this subject, we think we should
prefer clans, oysters and goldfish to sea- weed
OF any kind. If this saran should make auy
further discourses, or publish the mode of
cooking sea-weed and making palatabe and
nutritious dish of it, we will inform our
friends on the seashore.
Year: 1868




| Expense of Bad Faith.
| The present time is called, by courtesy, a
time of peace. Yet we have from the far
West news of battle in which United
States troops were engaged, with due accom-
paniment of lists of killed and wounded
and estimates of property destroyed. "Back
Kettle" is sent 'to pot" by the fiery Sheri-
dams lieutenant, Custar, and though that
chiefs braves as well as women and children
fought with great desperation, his tribe came
most decidedly to grief. This is a GOOD
thing for Custar, who has been under a cloud
of late on account of his conduct year ago
in leaving his men to fight the Red Man
and the cholera, while he went to see his
wife.


But these Indian wars are costly. If we
count only pecuniary, loss the expense is ap-
paling. A recent estimate made by reliable
authority puts the total since the establish
ment OF the government at S7OO, 1000.
The loss in human life, which cannot be esti-
mated with any precision, is still more ap-
pallng. Just now the country can afford
neither the money nor blood, having but
recently been depleted of both to woful
degree. Gen. Grants report in which he OBJ
Jects to the immediate reduction of the army
is based in part upon the existence of this
vexatious war on the border. But for this
the military establishment of the United
States might become the microscopic affair
that it was in the golden days of old lang
syne.


The most vexatious thing about the In
dian war is that it is as needless as war
against the Cham of Tartary. We have the
testimony of Senator Henderson and another
OF the Peace Commissioners, of Minnesota
Bishop, of the Indian Agent Wyncoop and of
all dsinterested parties who have any knowl-
edge of the Indian affairs that the savages
have been driuen to armed resistance by the
bad faith of the government in ignoring the
most solemn treaties, by the plundering and I.
cheating of Indian agents and the lawlessness
OF frontier settlers. If the United Stated had
so violated the rules of international law in
dealing with any civilized nation-and the
Indians are treated as independent by the
government-the fleets of all Europe would
have appeared off the coast as quickly as wind
and steam could bring them here. 1t seems
a very easy and pleasant thing, at the out
set, to take lands ceded to weak and impov-
ished people for public improvements or for
the occupation of settlers. 1t is so easy and
pleasant. that it hardly seems like robbery
but it is, and in the end the transaction is to
the last degree expensive and calamitous.
Year: 1868

THE FRENCH ARMY BILL-POPULAR Dis
CoNTENT.-From cable despatch which we
printed in the HERALD of yesterday. it appears
that the new Army bill is decidedly unpopular
in France. In the rural districts particularly,
where its effects are more distinctly visible
than they are in the large cities, murmurings
of disaffection are loud. So general is the dis
content and SO unmistakably is it revealing
itself that the semi-oflicial press have been set
to work to allay the excitement. Soothing edi-
torials are the order of the day. The nation,
groaning under debt and trembling for war, is
being patted on the head and quietly assured
that 'these apparently large war preparations
are in reality pledge Of peace" A very
expensive and a very questionable pledge the
French people may well reply.
Year: 1868

The heart of the great city is constantly


agitated by conflicting emotions 1t throbs


necessarily with the glad or respondent feeling


of the merchant the triumph of the successful


broker, the avarice or recklessness Of the poll


tician, the wild excitement of the speculator,


but more often, alas with the dull, hopeless
anguish of the poor. There are thousands in
the metropolis who creep forth every day from
their wretched homes to fight the battle OF life
against fearful odds, and among those thou
sands are many weak, delicate, helpless
women. One of the first considerations, then,
in an immense community like ours should be
the care of the poor. With them the priva-
tions, disappointments and trials which are the
necessary adjuncts of human life seem multi
piled hundredfold, and they groan beneath
the burden. Many sink under it, and their
wall of despair mingles with the ever busy hum
of the great city. Hence we have numerous
charitable institutions where the grievously
wounded in life's struggle may be cared for
and where the young may be prepared for the
contest. The latter, especially of the female
sex, need particular attention, for in this human
wilderness young girls in needy circumstances
are exposed to the most terrible temptations.
st. Josephs Industrial Institute, which is
now being built on Madison avenue,
under the auspices of the Sisters Of Mercy, is
designed 70 supply the wants Of the commu-
nifty in this respect, to afford young girls and
women refuge from the dangers they may be
subjected to when placed in circumstances
where their life and happiness are imperilled,
and to strengthen them anew for the contest.
The House of the Good Shepherd is another
institution which effects an immense deal of
good in reforming those who have strayed from
the path of rectitude and duty and in making
them again useful members of society. There
are many other laudable institutions of like
nature, all designed for the amelioration of the
hard fate of the poor of the city. They should
receive the constant and earnest support of those
in the community whose means are adequate to
the task, as well as the consideration of the
Legislature. The good deeds Of such institutions
and the tribute Of our citizens to charity will
60 far towards preserving them from the fate
which the wickedness of many among them
might draw down on their heads, and blotting
out the record of crime which great city is
constantly filling up. Our charitable institu-
tions are the oases of the desert Of infdelity
and recklessness which at the present day
seems bOundless.
Year: 1868

The MCGEE AssAssINArIoN.- McGee
assassination still absorbs public attention in
Canada. The authorities have accumulated
additional circumstantial evidence impli-
eating whelan as the probable assassin.
The testimony against him is said to be
very nearly complete. The police have
discovered several new facts relative to
the murder, but they are enjoined to
secrecy. There is little doubt that strong
case will be made out against Whelan; but
whether the industrious efforts Of the admins
tration to discover clue connecting him with
any political conspiracy will be successful yet
remains to be seen. Whoever the murderer may
have been, and whether he acted solely from
personal hatred and revenge, or as the agent OF
political conspirators, the murder of McGee
will but add one more to the long list of cases
which illustrate the stupidity as well as the
malignancy of political assassination, which IL
always no less blu1der than crime,
Year: 1868

The Two Terrible Assaults on the War Oface


and the Whiskey Bottle.


AS the impeachment farce progresses we are
treated to some rich scenes. The testimony of
General Thomas, which it was supposed would
prove what the radical organ here calls the
''terrible assault on the War Department."
puts the s'assault" in most ludicrous light.
When General Thomas demonstrated in a
friendly way with Stanton for having him
arrested before he had time to eat his break
fast, Stanton put his arm around the neck of
the assaulting party, rubbed his hand through
the Generals gray hair familiarly and asked
him to take drink. They took a drink.
General Schriver measured the liquor, which
was precious from its scarcity, from small
phial, and divided it equally in two glasses,
holding them up to the light in order to see
that fair play was done and that there was no
conspiracy" to cheat either of the Secretaries
out of his rights. The besieged and the be-
sieger accordingly partook of the diminutive
appetizer to prepare themselves for the con-
tents of the full bottle of whiskey which an
attendant (acting, no doubt, on a wink from
Stanton) brought in. The "terrible assault"
then began, not upon the War Department, but
upon the whskey bottle, and the clinking of
glasses between the combatants was something
awful to contemplate. The War Department
was taken by assault. Thomas and Bourbon
were triumphant, and the foundation for article
first in the impeachment was laid.


This was a strong point for Butler. His
idea of an assault, after the Fort Fisher
fashion, was realized in that whiskey bottle.
The memories it recalled must have been as
stinging as the contents This scene in the War
Department ought not to be allowed to pass into
oblivion. Brady should give us photographs of
the Damon and Pythias embrace of Stanton
and Thomas, the attitude of each particular
hair on the old Generals head when STAN
toms unctuous fingers were traversing his
Uranium. General Schriver squirting at the
glasses when making an accurate measure
ment of their contents would make capital
incident in the picture, and the phial should be
preserved in art as great historic memento.
If Brady does not seize this opportunity pos
terty will never be able to realize this terrible
assault on the War Department which put a
Presidents head in peril and almost brought
us to the verge of revolution in the
government.
Year: 1868

Our law history is assuming rather curious
feature. Hitherto grave Judges were sup
posed to have no interest in suits brought
before them, while their Offices were regarded
as emblematical of Justice sitting with pair
of scales evenly balanced in her hands. Now
,adays, however, there appears to be some
what different state of affairs existing. In
Memphis, for instance, Judge Hunter, of the
Criminal Court, imprisons the editors of a
newspaper for contempt; whereat Judge Wal
dron, of the Municipal Court, releases them
from jail On Tuesday last the climax is capped
by Judge Hunter arresting Judge Waldron for
'unlawfully interfering with his court" and
we are informed that the latter twill in turn
arrest Hunter for this action" Now, all of this
makes most delightful muddle. When Judges
commence clapping each other in prison what
will become of us poor non-legal mortals? The
gravity Of the situation, too, becomes height
ened when we consider the chances of similar
occurrences taking place in New York. The
Erie Railroad war, now pending, has been
rendered peculiarly remarkable by the per-
sistency with which the Judges of the Supreme
Court issue injunctions against each other, or,
rather, against each others measures. Sup
pose they should suddenly take it into their
heads to have each other arrested? What a
magnificent spectacle would be presented of
the entire Supreme Court being either in
durance vile or under bonds to answer charges
of "unlawfully interfering" with the proceed
ings Of each Judges court Such phase in
the career of our judiciary is not altogether
impossible when we think of this Memphis
difficulty. At any rate, let us trust that these
curious conflicts between our Judges will not
in any respect derogate from the dignity and
high standing of the bench; but let us rather
believe that their action in the premises has
been the result of jealous care for the con-
tinued purity of the judiciary and for the i'm
partial administration of justice.
Year: 1868

gested-viz., national democratic and con-
servative convention Immediately after the
removal of President Johnson, in order TO
seize the advantages which that occasion will
offer, and to strike while the iron is hot for a
new conservative Union coalition on a broad
and liberal platform, and with one of the
greatest heroes of the war as candidate
against the corrupt, demoralized and revolu-
tionary party in power
Year: 1868

Advertisers should bear in mind that in order
TO insure the proper classification of their business
announcements, all advertisements for insertion in
the HERALD should be left at the counting room by
half-past eight O'Clock T. NJ
Year: 1868

large numbers rom starvation, all the dogs and cats
in the neghborhood OF their camps and most Of their
horses and mules being killed to supply food.


The trotting mare Fearless was burned to death in
somewhat mysterious manner ON Saturday night
In the stables connected with the Fashion Course AS
soon as 1t was discovered that the mares stables
were on fire the doors were thrown open, but she
was found already burned to q cinder. She was
matched to trot in the June races
Year: 1868

IMPORTANT IF TRUE-That the Albany
Regency and Tammany Hall have resolved to
insist upon Seymour as the democratic candi-
date for the Presidency in order to save the
State, though the great West may be lost by
dafault
Year: 1868

The OHIO STEAMBOAT DIsAsTER,-
The Louisville papers relate some
thrilling incidents of the terrible steam
boat accident on the Ohio river. We
quote tie annexed:


"A touching appeal was made by
Miss Jones to gentleman on board.
As the wood work was becoming too
heated to bear and the flames were
forcing their way gradually into the
cabin, she went to him, saying: 'Oh
Mr.-,you have talked to me this
evening, you have danced with me,
you know who | am and where | came
from, save me Oh, save me Oh, save
me! He told her he had wife to
save and could not help her. Poor
girl, she is beyond earthly help now.


One of the gentlemen on board had
the presence of mind to unhinge a
door, which he threw into the river
and, after his wife and he had jumped
| in, he placed her in position to reach
shore. Now, stay here, DEAR was
his request, until can fix myself some
way, and we can both be saved
Imagine the husbands agony, just as
he procured something that would
float, to see a man swim toward the
frail support of his wife and knock
her away from it. She was drowned.


One gentleman and wife escaped
in rather romantic manner. Fasten
ing life preservers to both of their
/ persons, he tied her right arm to his
left, then took a shutter, over which
they placed both arms. Now, one
two-three-jumpF he cried, when
both jumped, and after little maneu
vering they arrived safely on shore
minus, however. several articles of ap
parel needed to make them presenta
BILE.


A lady on board the States relates
that as she and her husband were NOV
ling toward the shore, in the water
she saw one of the lifeboats filled with
Year: 1868

THE UNTRIED BoAT.-"My boat has
never been injured by the gale" said
a sailor, pointing with pride to a gai-
ly painted yacht that rode at anchor
in the bay. Il have no doubt she
would resist the fury of the widest
storm that ever swept across the Brit
ish Channel"


"Your boat" replied the compan-
ion to whom he spoke, zig very fresh
and bright to look at; but she has
never yet been in a storm. Wait till
you have tried her, and she has re.
sisted the strength of the gale, before
you talk of what she can do"


How many of US are constantly
bOasting, either by words or by &C.
tiOns, that we or our friends have new
er given way to the sins which have
overcome many of our neighbors
whereas if the whole truth were
known, we should have nothing tc
glory in on that account, since oul
immunity from falling simply arises
from the fact that we have never been
exposed to the force of any great
temptation.
Year: 1868

The SPOKEN WoRD.-Boys and
girls, what is it you can never catch,
though you chase after it as on the
wings of the wind? You can never
catch the word that has gone out of
your lips. Once spoken, it is out of
your reach; do your best, you can
never recall it. Therefore, take care
what you say. Never speak an un-
kind word, an impure word, or pro-
fame word.
Year: 1868

STRETCH IT A LITTLE.-A little girl
and her little brother were on their
way TO the store the othor morning.
The grass on the Common was white
with frost, and the wind was very
sharp. They were both poorly dress
ed but the little girl had sort Of
a cloak over her which she seemed to
have outgrOWn.


As they walked briskIy along she
drew the little boy closer to her, and
said, "COme under my cloak. Johnny.


at isn't big enough for both, sister


"Then | will try ana stretch it a
little"


And they were soon as close to-
gether and as warm as birds in the
same nest.


What a lessonl How many shiv
ering bodies, and sad hearts, and
weeping eyes there are in the world
just because people do not stretch
their comforts a little beyond them
selves !-WeU Spring.
Year: 1868

WASHINGTON. September 26.-The
delegation of the Alabama Legislature
having neglected to bring the authen'
ticated copy of the resolution under
which they are acting, will await its
arrival by mail before officially visiting
the President. Gov. Smith is with the
delegation, by request of the Leglsla,
ture to advise and support them. he
has no official functions to perform
here in connection with the present
application for troops. He is Of opin'
ion that the action of the Legislature,
though unusual in form, meets the re-
ouiremsnts of the Constitution in the
matter of sending for Federal aid. He
does not fully sympathize with the
Legislature in it's call for additional
troops, and expresses his confidence in
his own ability to maintain the peace
of the State; the people desire peace
and he has the assurance Of men OF both
parties of support in his efforts. There
Is some disorder on the line of the Ten
uessse river and north of Mobile, but
elsewhere throughout the State there
are no indications of disturbance, and
no disposition to resist the law. In nc
other portion has any officer regularly
installed in Office been resisted in the
perfor nance of his duties. The Cover
nor is apprehensive that during the ex
citement of the coming election, i'm
prudent persons may commit acts whicf
will lead to serious disturbances, miles!
restrained by some assurance fron th'
President that they will be put down
by Federal authority. Beyond this
assurance, Gov. Smith is inclined tt
think that ne Federal interference II
necessary at present.