Year: 1869

l0W-creature had been deprived OF
life, and family bereft of its pro-
tector. 1t was not until had man.
aged to reach my bedroom without
falling in with any one, that reflection
came; and from that hour must date
the commencement of those torments
which have never since left me. |
threw myself on my bed, but sleep
would not visit me. | was in a state
of nervous excitement, and began to
experience the gnawings of the worm
that never dies, and to feel the iuten-
sity of the fire that is never quenched.
At the earliest dawn | rose, and went
out, and wandered forth among the
forests, tortured by remorse, and ours
ing the folly that led me to imbrue my
hands in Morgan's blood. For some
days | continued in the vicinity, but
at last | determined to 60 into the
States, for the purpose of getting away
from the scene of my crime. l pro-
ceeded to that part of New York in
which the anti-masonic excitement
originated, and was an apparently
calm spectator of the evils that grew
out of the intense and just indignation
of a people stirred to their inmost
souls by the occurrence of a mysteri-
Gus crime, that had baffled the law.
and whose perpetrators seemed to be
as much above the reach of ordinary
human power as were the members of
the once terrible Secret Tribunal of
Germany. | remained there for con-
siderable length of time, as if fascin-
ated; and | not only attended anti
Masonic meetings, but likewise many
Of the trials that grew out of the Nor
gan outrage.


The excited state Of the public
mind was in unison with my own feel
ings which could not settle down into
a condition of calmness. No man in
that part of the world was acquainted
with the part had played in the MUIR
der OF Morgan, tor it may be easily
believed that | would not take any
one into my confidence; and of those
who had been concerned in the affair
with me, either in consultation or
action, none resided near to my then
place of abode. Of my fellow-execu-
TONERS, both had absented themselves
from their homes within a very short
space of time after that fatal night ;
nor have | any reason for supposing
that either of them ever communicated
the fact of my having been united with
them in the deed Of murder, to third
parties. If it should be asked why |
did not unburden my mind to brother
masons, my reply is, that, in the first
place, thought [ had no right to rem
der them accessories to my crime, as
by such confidence they would in a
certain sense have become; and when
L saw masons, who had for a long
time had breasted the storm, leaving
and undermining the order, either from
conscientious or interested motives,
it occurred to me that | should endan-
ger my life by taking any man into my
confidence. Thus being compelled to
retain the dread secret in my BOSOM
my existence became to the last de.
gree miserable, and my health so de-
clined that ! began to fear | should
soon be called upon to render an ac
count to a greater power than that
of any earthly tribunal and from whose
scrutiny no secret could be concealed
Though my life was a burthen, did
not the less dread death, for | could
not bring my mind to the belief thai
with the grave there comes annihila
ton and ceases accountability.
Stunned society and passed all the
hours that were at my command il
solitude, change having come oyel
my thoughts; and as at first | sough
all public places, and crowds were my
delight, now the forest was better tt
me than the street, and the presenc,
of men nv adherence. 1t seemed t.
me as if my secret were known to al
men, and that for reasons to then
good, they allowed of the postpone
ment Of my certain punishment.


could not walk erect, nor obtain rest
nor find pleasure in any of those pur
suits in which the innocent pass thei
hours of leisure; and | might hav'
been addressed in the words Of th
greatest of poets:


"----what is't that takes from thee


Thy comfort, pleasure. and thy golden sleep?


Why dost thou bend thy eyes upon the earth