Year: 1869

The female fashions of to day are absurd
enough but if anything more absurd than
a mans 'stove-pipe hat was ever invented,
l would like to see it. Mark its victims,
when they remove it from their heads
which they seldom do, the gods know why,
unless they are getting into bed +; see the
red'rim across their foreheads, produced by
its unwieldly weight, and unnecessary inches
up 10 the air see them occasionally in the
street, giving it cock backward, when nos
body but apple-womeu are looking, observe
how quickly a gentleman, by that action,
may be made into rowdy; then sec them
apply their haudkerchiefs TO their foreheads,
to cool off the heat and the pain, and then,
with stoicism worthy of one of Fox's mar
tyrs, replace it, aud bear the long agony till
they get home. Then what garment that
over woman wore, is more ridiculous than a
mans shirt, whether buttoning before or but
toDing behind, or dis6gured with puerile
Studs whether the stiff collar stands up
like picket on guard, or lies over, with a
neck-te to tie it sufocatingly over the jugu.
lar vein.


Then mark that abomination-a swallow
tailed coat. Heavens how ugly the hand
soonest man may look in it, and WOO for the
plain men, when they intensity their plain,
ness with it


Then see the knock>kneed and the crook.
ed>legged advertising their deformity in
tight pantaloons and short, fat, barrel men
wearing little boys cloth caps on their head!
Ah, for every female goose that Fashion
makes, 1 will find you male mate, even to
the wearing of tight corsets


But, my friends, on one point there's a
difference. When fashionable lady engages
female servant, she stipulates that she
shall wear a cap on her head, and calico on
her back, to mark the difference between
herself and that servant-without which, l
scppose, it would not often be recognizable


WSen her husband gives dinner, the
male waters are dressed exactly like him'
self-in festal white neckties white gloves,
and hideous swSlloWed>tailed coats.


How is this? 1t must be that the male
creature is very secure of his position, Soc
tally, mentally, morally, and physically, to
permit such presumptiOn-nay, to demand
it. Can any philosopher explain to me this
mystery? I was struck mid ships with
the idea at festal gathering not long since;
and turning to my male guide, philosopher,
and friend, asked what it meant. His irri,
tating answer to this most proper and natur-
al question was, Fanny, don't be silly


reiterale my remark that mems dress is
to the full as absurd in its way as woman's,
and l am only reconciled to the idea that a
man was intended for a human being when
l see an athlete of gymnast, Of glorious
chest and calves, and splendid muscular arms
skimming the air as gracefully as bird, and
as POLITICALLY; then 1 know how civilization
has ruined him! l know that man, if he
jumped, and ran, and wrestled, aud walked,
instead of sitting stupidity in chair in the
house, or creeping into an omnibus when out
OF it, and smoking and going to sleep in the
intervals, would not be obliged to creep into
these ugly tailor's padded fashions to hide
his deficiencies, but could wear what he
chose, knowing that the beautiful outlines of
his form would glorify any decent vestment.


walked several blocks out of my way be-
hind man, the other day, who positively
stepped off, What a chest he had what
splendid poise of the head what free
jubilant swing of the arm! 1 hope he will
come to New York again some day, for I'm
sure he was stranger to it, for he neither
stopped anywhere to take drink, buy
cigar, nor did he hail an omnibus.


Magnificent gait! wonder what was
bis name, and had be mother. If not
well, it were pity he shouldn't have.


FANNY FERN.