smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1868

EXTRAORDINARY ECLIPsE.-The total
eclipse Of the sun which is to take place
on the 18th of August next, will present
such long duration of darkness that
astronomers are anticipating it with un-
usual interest. From near Alden, the
central line of the eclipse extends to the
southern coast of New Guinea, crossing
Hindoostan, the Bay of Bengal the
Malayan peninsular, and the gulf of Siam
on the way and at certain places on this
line the duration of darkness will be at
6:46 At the date in question the moon
will be more than six hours from its per-
igee, while the sun will not be far from
its apogee-a twofo.d condition, which
increases the apparent diameter of the
moon, and shows the apparent diameter
of the sun nearly at the smallest. Hence
the prolonged darkness. Such chance
occurs but rarely, and we can not won Ter
that strong desire exists to make the
most Of it in endevors to solve certain
highly important questions in physical
science. Unluckily, the southwest mon.
soon will be at its full blast on the 10th
of August, which, with its heavy cloud
will render observation either uncertain
or impossible, except on the eastern side
of the mountain range.
Year: 1868

WHAT rs EXPECTED OF Us.-We are
not born in Heaven, but in this world,
where our being is to be preserved with
meat, drink and clothing, and other
necessaries that are not born with us but
must be got and kept with forecast care
and labor; and, therefore, we cannot be
all devotion, all prases and halleluiahss
and perpetually in the vision of things
above. Had it have been otherwise God
would not have put us in condition
where we are obliged to use all means to
preserve ourselves, and yet those means
are not to be had without employing upon
the search of them the greatest part of
our time and care


We were also born with dispositions to,
and desires for society; we are by nature
fitted for it, and religion increases the
obi CATION. We are born membersof COM
monwealths, beset with relations and in
need of friends, and under necessity of
acquaintance, which, requiring of us the
mutual Office of familiarity, friendship and
charity, we cannot spend our time in re-
tired devotion and study, nor in plodding
and taking care of our worldly affairs.
We are SO framed, SO constituted, that any
employment of and exercise of body, will
weary and unfit US to continue long in
that employment. The springs by which
all our operations are performed are finite,
and have their utmost extent ; and when
they approach that, like watches that
have gone till their force is spent, we stand
still or move to little purpose, if not wound
up again. And thus, after labor of mind
or body, we have need ofrecreation to ser
us going again with fresh vigor and
activity,
Year: 1868

BY JOSH BILLINGS.
| have finally cum to the conclusion
that lager beer as beverage is not in
toxicating,


| / have been told SO by a German W ho
said he had drunk it all mite long. just to
try the experiment, and wuz obliged tn
go hume entirely sober in the morning.
| have seen this same man drink sixteetf
glasses, and if he was drunk, he vas
drunk in German and nc. body could uu.s
derstand it. e is proper enutf to state
that this man kept lager beer saloon
and could have no object in stating what
was not strictly true.
| [ believed him to the full extent Of nv
ability. never drunk but three glasses
of lager in my life, and that made nv
head ontwist as though it was hung on
the end OF string, but was told that
it was owing to my bile being out of
place, and | guess it was so, for I never
piled over 1uss then I did when I got
hum that night My wife tho't I was
going to die, and was afraid shouldn't.
for it did seem as tho everything had
eaten in my life vas coming to the sur
face, and that surface was in my mouth
and [ do really believe that if my wife
had not pulled of my boots just as she
did, thoy would have come laundering
up.


o! how sick wuz 4! IA years ago, and
can taste it now.


never had SO much experience in 50
short a time.





If any man should tell me that lager
beer was not intoxicating, should be-
lieve him, bat if he should tell me that
wuz not drunk that mite, but that my
stummick WIZ out of order, { shud ask
him to state over few words, just how
man felt and acted when he wus drunk.


II / wuE MT drunk that mite, had
some Of the most material simptums that a
man ever had and kept sober.


In the first place il was about eighty
rods where drank the lager beer to my
house, and wuE thus over hours on
the road, and had hole bustid through
tach one of my pahtalcon neek and didn't
have any hat, and tried to open tie door
by the bell puli, and hickupped awfully,
and saw everything in the room trying to
get round on the back side ov me; and
in setting down in chair I didn' t wait
long enough for it to get exactly under
me. when it was going round, and I set
down little too soon and missed the
chair about twelve inches, and it couldn't
get up soon enough to take the next one
that cum afong; and that amt awl, my
wife sed [ wuz az drunk az beest, and.
az | sed before, began to speg up
things freely. -.-.,


If lager beer is not Intoxicating, it
used me most almighty mean, that I
know.


Still hardly think that lager beer is
Intoxicating, for / have ben told so; and
| am paobably the only man living who
ever drank eny when his liver was not
plumb


| don't went to say ennything agin q
harmless temperance bevridge but T
ever drink emmy more, it will be with mi
hands tied behind me, and mi mouth
pried open.


/ don't think lager been is Intoxicating
but if / remember rite, / think it tastes
to me like a glass of soap suds, that
pickel had been put tew soak in, =.


-
Year: 1868




AN UNPREMEDITATED JoKE.-For
some time past a number Of boys have
been seen walking about the streets OF
the city, each bearing upon his shoulder
a rudely constructed transparency
liantly lighted up after dark-ou which
is bazoned the name of one of the
theatres, together with certain dramatic
intelligence displayed in fancy paint for
the enlightenment of visitors from rural
districts who may chance to be strolling
around In search Of the elephant or any
relirble information touching his hauats
or whereabouts. Yesterday evening, just
after dark, the sexton of one Of the most
fashionable churches Of the city was en-
gagged in sweeping out the building, and
the doors were left open. While this
work was going on, one of the boys in
question came aloug, and, feeling fatigued
f.om his tramp through The hot and dusty
streets, seated himself upon the steps of
the church and was soon fast asleep, with
his lighted transparency leaning against
the door post. And everybody who pass
ed that way within the next hour or SO
was assured by the transparency, in fiery
letters thai could be read at the distance
of two hundred yards, that" THIS Is
THE ONLY THEATER Now OPEN IN THE
! City"
Year: 1868

Young Carroll, who denounced the Pope
to his face and got into dark dungeon for
it, is the most popular man in Italy, after
Garibaldi


''The Radical party in Congress will take
no backward steps" But the people will
take some forward steps with reference to
the Radical party.
Year: 1868

That which her slender waist confined
Shall now my joyful temples bind
No monarch but would give his crown,
His arms might do what this hath done.
1t was my heavens EXTREMIST sphere,
The pale which held that lovely deer
My joy, my grief, my hope, my love,
Did all within this circle mCve.
A narrow compass and yet there
Dwelt all that's good, and all that's fair;
Give ne but what this ribbon bound,
Take all the rest the sun goes round


Edmund Waller.
Year: 1868

Alexander II. stephens Views Of Affairs In


the South


Alexander I'll. Stephens, says q dispatch
to the New York Herald, in conversation
with friend who saw him recently in Phil
adelphia, took very despondent view of
affairs in the South. He pronounced the
future before that section Of the country
fraught with gloom and disaster, and can
see nothing in the policy of reconstruction
but the operation of fearful scheme, whose
ultimate result will be the destruction of
either the black or the white race Every
day, he says, it becomes more painfully
evident that the estrangement between the
races is Widering-on the part Of the ne
grOes from the effects of such instruction
as teaches them to distIust and oppose the
whites, and on the part of the latter from
an abhOrrence of the negro leaders, and an
instructive aversion to be ruled and legis-
lated for by ignorance and semi-barbarism
From what fell under his own observation
IN Georgia, he was unable to detect any
thing like q spirit on either side tending to
mutual sympathy of sentiment and interest.
Radical emiSsarieS from the North have
sown the seeds of evil dissension with ter
rible earnestness, and the diametric oppo-
sition Of the races now visible all over the
South must, in the very nature of things,
lead, at some time or other, to fearful col
lisions. This inevitable result, Mr.. Ste
phens declares, as a dispassionate observer,
forces itself irresistibly on his attention. A
war OF races, desired by some, and indiffer-
emily needed by others, is, to his mind, as
sure to happen, under the Radical method
of reconstruction, as it is impossible to
avoid, if the precedents of history or the
impulses that control human nature be ia
ken into account
Year: 1868

The Waco bridge is now fixed
fact, and the more wo contemplate
the erection OF such stupendous
work of art, in front of our city,
the more we are impressed with tho
importance that is attached to il.
If there are any persons in our
midst who have not seen II suspcn-
sior bridge, We invite them to visit
the Register Office and we will show
them one, from view Of which they
can gain IN idea II tho magniticcnro
of such structure. 1t Will DO
most useful and ornamental, located
as it will be in the very centre al
most of our fourishing u d vol
built city. The immense towers
will be 80 feet in height, from viii, Ia
will suspend tho ingcnicusy
wrought iron cable wirc-capahlo
Of bearing up all the great weight
that can be placed upon it-and
this can all be seen from any ap-
proach to the city, for II distance Of
three miles either way. Oh it
will be n grand monument to tho
public spirit and enterprise of our
citizens--and it will prove the big
gest advertisement that Waco can
ever have. Yea IL iaduStrie!


Waco Register.
Year: 1868

be elected Mayor OF Brooklyn aud by virtue OF his
Office such also mbtr OF the Board of Super
ysos elected by the city at large. and much right
10 take part III any proceeding and 10 any
ton, IA any other member Of the Board Supervisor
Little held TO the contrary and aimed show that the
recent action OF the Board in the appointment
tors and Canvassers of Election was unfair unprcce-
dentcd. void. and OF no legal effect The Board then
iOuru0d for two weeks.
Year: 1868

ISDIANAPoLIs, Oct. 11.-Last night, as the
"Whe Boys IN Blue were passing DARK acy on lhef
return from Democratic meeting the Fourth Ward
"A shot was fired into tho procession from a shotgun
loaded With small shots Five or six men we're severely
but not dangerously wounded
Year: 1868

From this review of the finances of the
last three years it is manifest that If the
nation has submitted to excessive taxa
tion and has made an extraordinary eff
fort to free itself from financial embar-
rassment, it has something real and sub
stantial to show for it.


II. has secured substantial relief from
the burden of debt in spite of that worst
form of taxation upon consumers, that
involved in the use OF inconvertible pa
per money forced into circulation under
The dire necessity of war, and which the.
Republican party proposes to remedy by
doing Justice to the note-holders and ma
king their legal NOTES as good as gold,
willie the, Democratic party, propose to
Year: 1868

We then claim that the Republican
party has proved its intention to meet
the liabilities of the country by honest
payment, and to remove from the peo-
pIe at the earliest moment the curse of
an inconvertible paper currency. ! have
never been entirely convinced of the ne
lcessity for the issue of the legal-tender
notes as war measure until L entered
upon the review of our finances, Of which
I am now giving you the results.


| challenge any one to deny that this
exhibit proves that the finances of the
country have been managed by the Re
publican party, with u success never be-
fore known in the history OF the world.


Would shat / had the eloquence of
Gladstone, that 1 might excite in you as
much interest in these dry details as
their Importance demands.
Year: 1868

will require a close study Of our
best dictionaries to take in the full mean
ing OF the following extract from an obit-
uary notice: after a little more than
the century's noont;de. living years as
q social cenobite his toariess age spent
in abjuration of all companionship an
coterie lfc-aneseenc whose caducjty
was the greatest and most indisputa bl 9
dotae eehe is at last sarcophagated with
the old men OF all past time-and we
mourn him as we wall those who have
gone down to their inhumation in ful :
ness o. years, and no scantiness of th e
honors of the calling in which he was
both Nestor and master hand y
Year: 1868

FARMING ON SHARES A farmer leas
ed TO his SON. in law three acres Of land
to be planted with corn, and be cult,
v ed by him sat the halves In the
fall, the lessee said that was the poorest
land he ever worked on; for said he,
I worked hard all summer, and at har-
vest time, when we came to divide the
crop, I not only lad no corn for my
self, but had to go and buy Ave bush
els of shelled corn to make out my faith
erin laws half "Hcre is another case
illustrating the workings of this 'pecu-
liar institution of doing things on shares:
Farmer A. happened to have more
pigs than he could keep, while his
neighbor B had more milk til an he
could dispose OF. pne day, A
brought two pigs over and deposited
them in BIS pen. saying that he wish
ed B to keep them two months, and
have one Of them as his share. B
replied, as he had plenty of feed, he
would keep them four months and have
them both, as, of course, that would a.
mount to the same thing! A. left,
saying that he supposed it was all right
but guessed he wouldn't bring any
more"
Year: 1868

How TO AVOID RAILROAD ACCIDENTS -
The recent Railroad disasters, and es
pecially those Of Angola and Lockland,
have awakened attention to the neces-
sity Of some method for their prevention.
The greatest attention is paid to the pre-
vention of fires from the stove, and the
systems proposed are numerous and
may vet be made practical. Almost
every one has his tavorite theory, the
last Of which, published in Buffalo pa
per, is as follows:


Let the roof be loose and unattached
to the sides of the car by any fastenings
Whatever, but secured in its place on the
top Of the car by means of groove
along the top and end and sides of the
car, say two or three inches deep; let
the roof be made in divisions, say five
or six feet wide; at each end of these
divisions let there be an iron fiange or
lennon fit easily into the groove. The
roof would not he in the least affected
by the jolting or oscillation of the cars,
but the moment that it fell on it's sides,
the roof would fall fiat on the ground,
and leave the passengers to walk or
crawl out.


The idea is worthy the attention of the
public.
Year: 1868

| HIGH AND Low BARNs.-A writer in
the Rural New Yorker, in view OF the in
vention of machinery for pitching hay
and grain by horse power, advocates the
building of higher barns than those OF
the old style, which were built low on
account of the difficulty of pitching to
the top of a NOW with a hand-fo
With the power fork, height is said to be
no objection, but rather q convenience.
Fourteen to sixteen feet was the usual
height Of posts for hay and grain barn,
and with this height it required tall
man with long handled fork to ''pitch
over the beam," and great scrambling of
the boy on tho NOW to stow away so as
to fill up under the roof. With the pow
er-fork the product may be carried to
any Leight, with trifing additional
effort. One of the chief advantages Of
building high barns lies in the relative
amount Of material required to build one
of given capacity. The foundation and
roof, with the same ground size, costs
no more for a building forty feet than
one ten feet high and the writer says
that hay and grain will keep better pack
ed deep than if put up in shallow mows,
though we think he does not make this
quite clear. If the crop is we'll cured,
perhaps the greater exclusion from the
air may be an advantage to both hay and
grain. However this may be, it is OBJ
vious by increasing the height, good
range Of stabling may be secured on
both sides Of the barn. with any desired
amount of storage room above them,
with no additional expense for either
foundation o. roof Som etimes the IN
PRODUCTION of a new contrivance, appar-
entity Insignificant in itself. will revolu-
tionize other arrangements upon an ex-
tensive scale, and if the horse fork
proves to be a decidedly desirable thing,
it will force its way into general use and
may revolutionize the model of barns
throughout the country, and those about
to build should investigate this new
horse pitchfork before deciding upon
plan.
Year: 1868

Congress ''takes it coolly" as if mer-
fattening, nor laborers starving The
House seems to have but little regard for
the condition of things, and the grave
seniors of the Senate keep up the digni-
ty Of procrastination, as if they consid
cred their Importance increased and their
glory enhanced by the Eastern bankers
that surround them. While they waste
time in receiving the batteries of the
selfish, aud by much speaking, the peo-
pie remain in doubt, perplexity and
gloom.


We advise them to take hold Of the is
sue now before the country, of business
or no business, during the coming sum-
mer. With such unanimity as there
should be amongst all Republicans, it
should not require forty eight hours to
do all that is necessary to reassure the
people and reawaken activity.


A Congress immersed in wealth and
luxuries, should guard against an utter
forgetfullness Of the condition of their
constituents The members should re-


feet that day of reckoning is coming.


While the Northern Democracy have
greatly whitfield down the proposition of
Rev. Dean, of Iowa, followed up SO per
sistently by the Cincinnati Enquirer, to
issue greenbacks enough to pay off the
debt, and make the bondhoiders take
them, the secessionists of the South seem
to be taking it up. Humphrey Marshall
is out in the Louisville Journal in that
behalf He is strong for the measure in
all its fullness. The late rebels know
that this would amount to repudiation,
pure and simple, because it would be
followed by repudiation of the green
backs. Nothing would lease the De-
mocracy of the South so much as repudi-
alton, and should this Congress continue
to waste time in much speaking, and let
the depression 60 on through next SUM
mer, reputation would be very popu-
lar element among the laboring classes
everywhere as matter of revenge. Let
Congress bring back the currency to
where it was a year ago. On this there
should be unity enough to carry it under
the previous question.-[Cin. Times.
Year: 1868

How many farm matters are forgot


ten that should be attended to in the


proper time. The memory is called up
on to retain every little item of labor.
aud with the multiplicity of 'odds and
ends" about the farm, il is not singular
that some should be forgotten, and the
work left undone. How much lime
would be economical, and how great,
too, would be the saving of money, were
farmers to initiate the example of the old
farmer, who kept slate for jotting down
every thing which required attenaioo-
From the Rsral Nec Yorker we have an
account Of the good use to which sy IS
tematic old gentleman put his slate
Let every farmer be assured it will be
we'll for him to do the same:


''Writing about Improvements reminds
me chat . farmer does not always think
Of what is needfui and may be done
when leisure times occur, and it recalls
to my mind the practice Of large and
successful farmer, who at his death left
his affairs in prosperous condition,
and his premises in complete order.
His neighbors often wondered at the
ease with which he conducted his ope-
rations he never hurried, but the right
thing was always done at the right
time and his work never iaggeo. Much
of the Improvement he made was in odd
spells when the routine Of regular farm
work was broken by rainy weatheT, or
after finishing the work on crop, and
while waiting for another to get to the
proper stage. He kept large slate
hanging in the kitchen where ali his
Won kmen could see it, and whenev. a
job occurred to him it was noted on
the slate. For instance, some of his
entries ran thus: Make gate for nhe
brook lot = eileen out the open ditch
in the wheat field Lay new floor on
the scafold over the barn floor; Bury
the large stone in the middle lot;' Get
ing gerden fence pickets ; Plant shatTe
trees along the roadside : Dig the al
ders out of the fence corners and look
after the wild mustard that came up
where the threshing machine stood in
the field last year In this way his slate
was filed, and if leisure halliday oc-
Cured, his men had plenty of work and
if the master happened to be absent, the
slate told the workmen what to do. Ar
ter time it was his custom to lay out
the days work on the slate each even
ing previous, and when the job was fin
ished the record was erased. To get
the slate clean was the ambition of the
workmen'
Year: 1868

1t is believed that the prices for WOO
have about touched bottom, and tha
prices will be better next year. 1t is 8.
good rule to continue in business which
others are abandoning under the dis
couragement of a temporary depression.
1t will revive, and then many who left
will come back IN time to lose the high
prices and be again discouraged
Year: 1868

To cure ehapped hands take three
drachms gum camphor, three do. white
beeswax, three do spermaceti, and two
ounces olive oil Put them together in
a cup on stove, where they will melt
slowly, and form a white ointment in a
few minutes. If the hands be affected,
anoint them on going to bed, and put on
a pair of gloves. A day or two will suf
flee to heal them
Year: 1868

a member of the New York Constitu-
tional Convention said to a Dem ocrat
tire other day


.sI suppose this is the ablest body of
men ever assembled in the State OF New
York


my dear sir, there is scarcely any
doubt of it, for | have heard the same
remark from almost every member of
the Convention"
Year: 1868

If everybody would mind their own
business, more business would be done.


An urchin unconsciously perpetrated
great joke at the expense Of his teach
er the other day. The lady was an.
nouncing to her pupils the holiday on
the 22d day of February, and asking
them some questions concerning its OBJ
servance-among others why the birth
day of Washington should be celebrated
more than that of any one else. "Why,"
she added, more than mine you may
tell me- she said to little fellow eager
to explain. Because he exclaimed,
with great viyacity. because he never
told lie
Year: 1868

The first horse dinner in England has
been held Ihe beast was eighteen
years old and thirteen hands high, and
after being butchered was served up t a
select company in great variety Of
modes of cooking. Itwas pronounced
excellent food, fine IN texture, tender in
quality and unimpeachable in flavor,
with slch a remarkable resem blance to
be- -hat it would be difficu TO tell th e
difference between the two. It was fur
ther pronounced to be thoroughly whole
some, nutritious aud satisfying- which
is more than can be said for some other
sorts Of popular flesh. AS 20 the moral
Justice of eating horse, one of tho guests
argued that if tae horse is really the
friend Of man, eating him seemed the
most innocent way of living upon one s
friends
Year: 1868

RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS
just wealth enough to keep away
Ofwant the direful scene
Just health enough TO cid the day.
And make Hfe's course serene
Virtue enough to ACT that part


Which is devoid of sin
Courage enough to ask the heart.
''Art thou secure within e'