Year: 1864

GRANDILoQUENT.-T following exquis-
ite burlesque upon the lovesick sentimental
ity which eharacterizes the tales and novels
of the day is recommended to the careful
perusal of all lovers of that kind Of "refned
nonsense" 1t contains much more reality
than most novels, and may act as an anti
dote to those troubled with sentimentalism
on the brain and especially beneficial to
that class of young girls who, from constant
novel reading, take up with the idea that
their "lord" must be just such man as the
hero of the novelist, and by nursing such
notions until they become chronic, entirely
disqualify themselves for the responsible po-
sitions which the matter-of- fact "SaP' was
called upon to fill:


Twas at the close of glorious summer
day-the sun was setting behind a distant
hog pen the chickens were going to roost !;
the bull frogs were commencing their even
ing songs; the pollywogs, in native mud
puddles, were preparing themselves for the
shades of night and Sal and myself sat up
on an antiquated back log, listening to the
music of nature, such as tree toads, roosters
and grunting pigs, and now and then the
soft, mellow music of the distant jackass was
waited to our ears by the gentle zephyrs
that sighed among the mullen-stalks and
came heavily laden with the delicious odor
of hen roosts and pig stys. The last linger-
ing rays of the setting sun, glancing from
the brass buttons of solitary horseman,
shone through knot hole in the hog pen
full on Sails face, dying her hair with an or
ange-peel hue, and showing off my thread
bare coat to bad advantage. One of my arms
was around SAILS waist; my hand resting up
on her hustle She was toying with my
auburn curls of jet black hue She was al
most gone, and l was ditto. She looked
like grasshopper dying with the hiccups,
and | felt like mud turtle choked with a
Goldfish ball


SAL" said |, in voice as musical as a
half grown goslin's, will you have me?" She
turned her eyes toward the top of the pig
pen, looked like a sick duck, clasped me by
the hand, had an attack of the heaves and
blind staggers, and with sigh that sounded
like the Kissing of goose, said '"You bet
you p She gave clear out, then, and squat
ted in my lap. l hugged her until I broke
my suspenders, and, well, to make long
story short, she set the day and we practised
for four weeks, every night, how we would
walk into the room to be married, till we got
so we could walk as graceful as pair of
Muscovy ducks. The night, the company,
and the minister came, and arm in arm we
marched out of the bed room. We were
inst entering the sitting room door when my
foot caught in one of SAILS hoops, and |
went kerslap on the oilcloth, pulling Sal with
me. 1t split an awful hole in my cassimeres,
right under my dress-coat TAIL making a
noise like cross. cut saw in hollow log,
1t was too late to back out; so; clapping my
hand over the spot that the pants had pre-
viously covered, we marched in and got
spliced, and taking seat l watched the
kissing of the bride operation. My grooms-
man, the solitary horseman that wore the
metallic buttons, was tight, and he kissed her
until jumped up to take a slice, when, oh,
jimminy displayed to the admiring gaze
of the astonished multitude a trihe more
muslin than they expected to see. The wo-
men giggled, the men roared, and | got mad,
but was finally put to bed along with Sal and
there-I drop the curtain.