Year: 1867

~ "a .l ~ - - -a-t-4t Fa4


sat in my little parlor one night ate,
school, and the name the children had
given me years before sounded oddly
enough. / said it over and over in un.
z thinking, or rather in preoceupied way
suntil it lost all its meaning, and became 9
little doubtful in my own personality. The
name did not seem to fit me at ALL and ]
felt quite like a hypocrite for ever hav-
ing answered to it. Thought knew my
self. pretty well, and fell to wondering
: whether ] had right to be so calm and
mlld aud patient, so long-suff-ring, so un-
resisting, so tame as l was in. the school
ROOM ass 800 ta'teT tas s-1-Vg1
~ Some teach naturally, some by the grace
Of God; but as tor me, thought of great
and strong necessity. rebelled, my will
keeping myself out of sight meanwhile.
am not re after all but it was the very
$ best discipline, could have had, but
know / did rot thinkso at the time. was
then-bue it Is no matter how old / was
not that I was ever careful of my years.
but people measure them 50 differently.
was full 7fortg-five in knowledge of suffer-
ing. though my cheek was not wilted as 1t
Is now, aud my eyes then hal kind OF
slumbering fire in them that never liked
TO encounter In he glass. 1t, brought me
too near my own sp rit, and of that was
afraid. - - ---s5 ,-.,s,s. .
s 4 But that night, years ago, when sat in
my parlor alone. the children all gone, and
the house filled with ghostly silence, was
exnltant. and gave an unchecked rein to
myself. There was such delight in acting
what file; in throwing off the abh0rred
Mis- susan. who wore my garment day by
day and reproved me at every turn, till she
became like ahorrible monster that haunt
ed its remOrseful maker to death. seemed
to have dual existence, each life prey ing
upon the other. and demanding rights that
ho do6 MiaoG Gr1s hn-
lieved in God; 1 doubted His mercy; Miss
Susan had faith IL humanity; distrussed
even my little children; Miss susan had a
heart to love and be loved; l could live
alone unloyed and unloving. Yet Miss Su-
san was not sentimental, nor was | cold.
The fact of existence was joy to me. The
grass was delight to senses, even more
than the flowers, because iis universally
gave restto both mental and physical vision.
The mountains brought peace. the rivers
exhilaration, the skies exultation. Books
were perpetual joy; thought afarl off q
greater. But there was one line OF thought
that haunted me everywhere, and tn t
could be thrown off only by strong and
persistent effort of the will. Even then it
had its revenge, and crept into my dream
when the will was asleep.


What feared most of all was the past.
There had been a time when was not Miss
Susan, but daughter Susan, and sister Su-
sic; and when was no longer daughter,
the motherly element entered into the sis
terly, and lived my chill Ihood over again
in my little Emily. At first 1 hated the
child in my natural, unreasonable way, be-
cause the mother died that she might live,
and my infinite loss thought could never
be made good by the little atom that grasp
ed so helplessly at life and clung to the
hem of its garment, but would not be
shaken off.


"a My father was strong man with vi0-
lent nature. which fell to my lot, while
Emily was gentle and reasonable, like the
mother. Forced to care for her, I was won
by her innocent ways, though my will
held out long after my heart succumbed..


My father bore the shock of the sudden
death as a tower bears the shock of the
ocean, outwardly unmoved. but secretly
undermined; aud when he fell 1 was alone
with the child, the Innocent cause OF INV
double bereavement. Then, and not till
then, did turn to her. The love of NV
life was lavished on her, and had neither
thought nor inclination for any other. As
soon as she had passed the period OF baby
hood, and the little feet could run without
my care, took the first steps toward Sc
curing livelihood for US both. The home
stead was mine, together with the fathers
scanty savings for fifteen or twenty years /;
but Z had my own plans for this sister
child of mine. and must prepare for the
future. It was very hard to decide on con-
FCFtluS Iu0 Olu tiifit-hccplu& TOOlu, So Iull
OF memories of the dead, into school
room, but it was the best could do. The
scholars came in slowly. and was tempted
more than once to try something else.


(, Quiet was irksome to me, nv ambition
always outran both opportunity and
strength. had no patience with the SER
vice of those who only stand and wait; SO
l worried and fretted. and was not always
motherly tony poor Emily l am afraid :;
for how could be calm and perpetually
gentle with nerves strung to the point Of
vibration? So innocently her eyes rebuk-
ed me sometimesi l remember it all now.
and see where lost influence, over her,
Often life was very dull to me, and only for
hope | should have cared very little at
night whether woke in this world or the
next. But hope brought dreams to me, as
she does to all who trust in her, and the
picture of my darling's future was brought
out in genuine Titan coloring on its black
background.


Time, that waits for no man, is not whit
more polite to woman and while thought
myself still young, my child slipped out of
childish frocks and ways, hid her dolls and
read romances, grew inattentive in school.
and tried my patience beyond its limit OF
endurance. | am afraid l was harder with
her than any mother would have been.
was stupid L acknowledge, but how could
believe that this child cared for any one





strong will, which was met by stronger.


i had marked David Tracy when he first
came to tire place; and thinking of it calm
ly was not surprised that Emily should be
pleased and hattered by his attentions :;
still did not believe that she loved him.
He was young physician, young though
thirteen years her senior, who had forced
his way againstevery obstacle. and secured
what every physician before him had failed
to do, the entire practice of five coun-
try towns. l admired the mans persisten-
cy, and his power to compel circumstan-
ces, yet knew enough of human nature
to know that he would never make nv
child happy. And did not like his way.
IT he loved my sister, why not come in
manly way, instead of influencing her by
stealth and out of my sight? l was angry
and did not scruple TO reproach Emily for
lack of confidence in me. Isuppose took
the best means in the world to wean her
from me and attach her to him; at least
succeeded admirably in doing both.


All her schoolmates envied her, and that
vas all in his favor. Miss Susan was an
old maid and naturally opposed young peo-
pie because she was satisfied with her con-
ditiOn and unwilling that they should be
happier than she. Perhaps he did not say
just this, but he meant if, which is thesame
thing, aud between the two there came to
be tacit understanding, and 1 was third
person. aai


If could have proved him dishonest, or
untruthful, or in any way an immoral man,
could have had some advantage, but he
stood before the community gentleman
without reproaeh, fair and honorable in all
his dealings, generous upon occasion, and
reasonable always. have horror of rea-
sonable men. They are never surprised,
never at loss, can never be corrected or
reasoned with, because they do all the rea
soning themselves, and were correct and
and right from the beginning, and there ia