smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1863




There is species Of humor, pecuIiar.
y American. which consists in grotesque
hyperbole, the c1rieature Of some fact
which expreSsel L better than faithful
portrait would %. Some people take
the snake and klll it when they wish TO.
show it to US; bat the lively Yankee hu-
morist just catches it by the tail as It
passes, and stretches it into ludicrous
proportions, as actors in pantomimes do
the tails of those famous ductile drags
onS, which so astoDish and delight chill.
dren. Instances of this wild and extraV-
agant humor areas common as proverbs.
Everybody has heard Of the weather
which was so cold that the mercury went
outof sight, and which, no doubt, would
have been good deal colder If the ther-
mometer had been long enough. A sim.
liar exaggefatieu was that Of young
man who TOOK calomel on a morning so
cold that the mercury ran down into his
boots. And speaking of boots, reminds
US of the stage driver who wore such
large ones that he had to use the forks
of the road as q bootjack. The follow
ing passages are illustrations:-The mau
out West whose legs arc so long that he
had to 20 down cellar to take off his
shoes The man who is so large that he
has TO go out of doors to turn over.--
The man who snored SO loud that be had
to sleep in the next street to keep from
wakening himself The man whose nose
is so long, that he has to step forward
three PAGES to reach the end of it. The
man who was SO large and heavy that his
shadow killed little boy when it fell
on him. The man who was so fat, that
his shadow left greasy trail along the
road as he walked; and the man who was
so thin that be had no shadow at ALL
Among these deserve to rank the horse
that ran so fast around the ring, that the
spectators could only see one continual
circular horse; together with that other
more famous racer, that ran so swiftly
about the arena, that he nearly caught
: up to himself, and could see his own tail
just before him. A fireman once rela'
7 ted an adventure, in which he found him
Selfin a rich saloon, surrounded by wealth
3 and fine company.


II didn't know myself until I felt iu
r my pockets and found 'em empty"
Some one inferred that be was cuSto
8 marily short Of funds.


y "That's so if steamboats, were selling
: at two cents apiece" said he, II haven
enough to buy gangway plank ~
It We once heard person tell Of
: fright he received from big dog.
8 II lost aesh," said he, "at the rate o
d ten pounds minute, till the owner cam'
IS and called him off,"


d Along with this we may place tn
a story Of the man who, in consequence o
ly q fright ran so fast and so far, that whel
ar he stopped it was more than twent


minutes before his shadow came up wit


him. He was probably watched by th


man whose dickey was SO high that b
le had to climb fence to see over it.
Year: 1863

history and glory in ages to come!
Gods blessing upon Winfield


1t has been asserted that there can
be no speculation entertained touch
ing the future destiny of our millions
of freed men of the South,-that we
have only to deal with facts, and such
facts as stand out in such bold relief
TO our view. 1t is indeed dark prob
lem for any one to solve, in respect to
achere,-and hOac, they will finally be
settled. But is it wise for the friends
of humanity-for philanthropists-to
fold their hands together in ease
touching their future, till the rebellion
is wholly subdued and peace reigns
over all our land?


Are we not all aware that the foes
to the colored race are, and will be
ever active, making capital of every
possible advantage to crush them in
the dust 7 This is as true as fate.
Would it not only be the hight of fol-
ly, then, but criminal, in the professed
friends of the black race to remain
mute and suffer the heartless and un-
principled demagogues that swarm
throughout the land to effect their re-
subjugation to slavery, or expatriation
against their will 2 / have seen or
learned nothing of Importance of any
movements commensurate with the
gigantic character of the question, of
an equitable and permanent settlement
of the freed men, either in our own
country or in any regions they may
choose.


l have learned from returned SOL
diers who have been conversant with
them, that they are strongly attached
to the land of their birth; and that
they claim it as theirs on the princi-
pie of justice. They contend that
they have made all the improvements
of the country by their labor, and that
in right they ought to possess it as
their own.


This same theory is held by many
of the more ultra Abolitionists but
how the matter is viewed by the func-
tionaries of the General Government
l am wholly unapprised. But l am
seriously of the conviction that our
leading influential men ought not to
be found mapping. A preparatory
course of action ought to be taken so
as to meet any favorable and provi-
Dental opening that may transpire
And it should be the theme of the
weightiest and most intense interest
rightly to dispose of and settle that
imposing question.


As ever yours,


PETER PERDY.


Phanirpille, H., Dec. IL, 1868.
Year: 1863

On the night preceding the dcdica-
toin of the National Cemetery at Get
tysburg, President Lincoln and Secre-
tary Seward were serenaded. The
following is the response of the latter


Fellow CIrzENs--I am now sixty
years old and upwards ] have been
in public life practically forty years
of that time, and yet this is the first
time that ever any people or commu-
nifty SO near to the border of Nary
land was found willing to listen to
my voice, and the reason was that
said forty years ago that slavery was
opening before this people a grave
yard that was to be filled with broth
ers falling in mutual political combat.
| knew that the cause that was hurry
ing the Union into this dreadful strife
was slavery, and when l did elevate
my voice it was to warn the people
to remove that cause when they could
by constitutional means, and SO avert
the catastrophe of civil war that now
unhappily has fallen upon the nation.
delugiug it in blood. That crisis
came, and we see the result. am
thankful that you are willing to hear
me at last. thank my God that |
believe this strife is going To end in
the removal Of that evil which ought
TO have been removed by peaceful
means and deliberate councils.


thank my God for the hope that
this is the last fratricidal war which
will fall upon the country--a country
vouchsafed by Heaven-the richest,
the broadcast, most beautiful, mos
magnificent and capacious ever vet
bestowed upon people. that has ey-
er been given to any part of the hu-
man race. (Applause,) And thank
God for the hope that when that cause
is removed, simply by the operation
OF abolishing it. as the origin of tue
great treason that is without instifi,a.
tion and without parallel, we shal
thenceforth be united, be only one
country, having only one hope, one
ambition and one destiny. applause.
i Then we shall know that We are NO
Year: 1863

,he New YORK WEEKLY HERALD, to be published
this morning, will contain carefully corrected
map Of the City of New York. showing the localities
OF the riot of last week. The map will enable
the country reader to form correct idea of all
the places attacked and will mark the course pur.
sued by the crowd
Year: 1863

THE PAY OF WOUNDED PoLICExEN.--In yester-
days paper we published q short communica-
tion from "An Old Taxpayer Of the Twenty first
Ward" in which II was stated that policemen
injured while discharging their duty were only
allowed halfpay. We are glad to be able to
correct this error. All those officers who have
received injuries during the late tumult or who
were wounded in the discharge Of their duties,
are paid their full salaries, on the fact being
duly certified by medical man. Only those
officers who are temporarily laid up by ordinary
sickness during the year receive half-pay while
they continue away from duty. II Is right that
this distinction should be properly understood.
Year: 1863

PRrvATEERs IN THE PACTFIC.-Our correspond
ents in England inform us that certain parties
in that most neutral of Kingdoms have armed
privatsers to cruise against our commerce in
the Pacific. We are aware that the admins
tration has already taken steps to protect our
harbors on the Pacific; but we hope they wfll
go still further and place such q naval force
there as will enable us to punish in the most
summary manner the piratical crafts which may
dare attempt any assault upon our shipping in
that ocean. The plates for several Monitors
have been sent to California; but these vessels
will merely serve as protection for our harbors
| We need besides these vessels heavily armed
and plated and sailing rapidly, 90 that the Eng
lish pirates who anticipate an easy prey in
the Pacific may meet with q reception which
will deter any more experiments of the kind
| Our commerce must be protected, and it is the
duty Of the administration to act In the matter
without delay. We must not be at the mercy
Of every English adventurer, with no principle
and plenty Of money, who may take fancy "a
| privateering.
Year: 1863

FAIR or THE AMERICAN IxsrruE-It will bc seen by ad.
vertement elsewhere inserted that the great exhibition
OF the American Institute will the Academy
OF Music on the 30 Of September next. II Is important
TO exhibitors that they should make early application
space The building viii be ready for the reception OF
goods on the 2sh Of August and the fair will be restricted
TO American productions. 1t will however, be general in
Its character embracing manufactures Of all kinds,
inventions improvements in agricultural implements and
the mechanic gereraliy. floral horticultural
exhibition win also be held during the last week Of the
fair. On the whole expected TO be OF the most
select and attractive American exhibitions heretofore
given.
Year: 1863

The New York Evening Post notices this per-
son as chaplain of the relief ship Geo. Girls
wold,' and speaks Of his addresses in Eng
land ION the subject of our civil war"


Is the editor of the Post aware that Denison
was a chaplain in the armyi that he suddenly
ahscntcd himself, and that his name has been
stricken from the rolls Of the army by order Of
the President The favorable notice he re-
"eives from that highly influential journal will
naturally mislead the English people, who Ger.
tainly cannot be aware that they arc listening
To runaway from our army. II we cannot
be represented abroad by some person who
has better record at home, the Union cause
must ho in a great strait.
Year: 1863

The report of the Military Commission upon
the sanitary condition of Washington, printed
on our first page to-day, deyelopos some alarm
ing facts, which should receive the Immediate
attention Of the authorities and the public. 1t
would seem that sanitary laws have been vio-
lated to an extent sufficient to insure, almost,
an epidemic of some sort during the hot wealth.
er, unless means are used to counteract the
dclcterlous Influences.
Year: 1863

The New York Tribune is greatly ncensed
because the following paragraph appears in the
address of The Democratic members of the New
York Legislatures:


''ln the midst of the surrounding gloom with
a desperate struggle forced upon us, the duty
of the Democracy of New York can be clearly
discerned. IL is to furnish to those in authori-
ty all constitutional means for the successful
conduct Of the war till the armed force of the
rebellion-the object and aims of which we
heartily condemns broken, and to struggle
persistenty against u ACKNOWLEDGMENT of the
Union. We must cling to the Union and stand
by the Constitution, and uphold the cause of
law and order We must save our own noble
State from anarchy, while we maintain with
constancy and patience its inalienabe rights of
sovereignty and independence. While the eec-
tive franchise is left free and the courts of Justice
maintained in their functions we must trust
TO them for the vindcation of political and per-
sOnal rights. We must support the Admins
tration in all constitutional measures to sup
press rebellion; we must even uphold its func-
tions, lest, in its lmbecility of judgment and lack
OF moral courage, it sink out of existence before
the appointed day of its expiration; lest we should
realize by its death, as we have by so many acts
of its life. the fearful calamity of the dsorgan.
ization of the very form and function and frame
work of our Federal system. If we do this, If
we are firm and constant, patient and reliant
upon the providence of God to overrule the
follies of men, we shall yet save the Repub-
lic''


The Abolitionists are enraged because they
cannot force the Democracy into false position.
Such utterances as the above are so true, consti
tutional and patriotic--so Indicative of the sue
cess of the party from whom they proceed, that
the defendants ofthe Administration everywhere
fly into a rage and practically ask. "Why will
you be patriotic-why don't you aid us by de-
stroying yourselvesr'-[ Detroit Free Press.
Year: 1863

We find in the Eastern papers, an extraordi-
nary statement in relation to General Scott and
his son-in.law Captain Henry l.. Scott, in which
it is assumed that the latter is the traitor who for
long while in 1862 revealed secrets of the War
Department to the insurgents, and finally capped
the climax of his treason by giving the informa-
ton which led to the escape of the enemy at
Munson's Hill.


The statement says further that the treason of
Captain Scott was more than suspected at the
time, but because of his relationship to General
Scott no investigation was ordered. Still worse,
and because Of that relationship, he was shortly
after ward made Colonel, and almost immedi.
ately put upon the retired list, so that he might
enjoy his enlarged income without rendering any
service. Worse yet, the new made Colonel then
went to Paris, opeied relation of amity with
Sdel Co., and is said to be even now CO.
operating actively with the Secessonists in that
city. This is most extraordinary revelation.
Under monarchy. where certain privileged
classes are almost exempt from punishment, we
sometimes see an enormity Ike this endured; but
that such base, servile rumunity to station
should be tolerated in a republic, is thing which
.e find IL difficult to realize.
Year: 1863

The New York Legislature has adjourned
The Republicans had majority in both branches.
How they used their power is thus alluded to by
two of the most promnet Republican papers, the
New York Times and the New York Tribune.
These journals say--we qnote first from the
Times


The Republicans had very decided majority
in the Senate, and made themselves substantially
responsible for the action of the assembly bv Sc
curing its organization. But they do not seem to
have acted with any concert or with any marked
regard to the welfare and reputation of the party
which will be held responsible for their conduct
A sharp and INSCRIPTIONS devotion to private
and personal interests seems to have controlled
sufficient number of members to decide the
tion of the Legislature upon all important ques-
tions submitted to its action. The Broadway
Railroad bill has been the main feature of the
session; the fate of nearly every other bill of any
consequence has turned upon this. II is matter
of surprise that adjournment finds only one men,
Der under arrest for corruption in connection with
the measure.


The election of speaker while it did something
to consolidate the successful party upon strictly
party measures, especially as against the Demo
cratic opposition did more, it may be feared, to
demoralize the whole body. In spite of the tech
nical and ingenious explanations that have been
made of the transaction. it Is impossible to justify
the pecuniary transactions of the Republican
State Central Committee, in connection with the
speakership. 1t was adisgraceful and dana aging
affair, and the officers of that committee must ex
pect to meet the responsibility which it involves.
After such a beginning, it is not, perhaps, sur
prisng that the general sentiment of the assembly
III regard to corrupt practices should not have
been as high-toned as could be wished.


The Tribune has the following comments upon
the character of the Legislature.


1t is in vain to deny that no Legislature, except
possibly that Of 1860, has won for itself so evil
I reputation as that of 1863 and the curtain falls
with criminal proceedings actually pending against
ore assemblyman and threatened against Others.
Certain it is that circumstances within the
knowledge of every well informed observer point
with great distinctiveness to number of mem
bers as having prosttuted their votes and their
official action in the most shameless manner;
but let us hope these cases are exceptional, and
that the great body have been guilty only to the
extent of casting their votes for measures OF
questionable character as the only means of OBJ
tanning support for bills which they regarded as
of great utility and importance.


What pure and loyal party must such Legs.
lature represent
Year: 1863

We heard good story yesterday related by
German who was confined in one of the hospitals
at Nashville. which proves conclusively that sick
soldiers appreciate food for the stomach more
than food for the mind.


A Rebel lady visited the hospital one morning
with negro servant, who carried a large basket
on his arm, covered with a white linen cloth.
She approached our German friend and accosted
him thus


"Are you good Union man %


al ish dat" was the laconic reply of the Ger
man, az the same time casting hopeful glance
at the aforesaid basket.


"That is all / wanted to know" replied the
lady, and, beckoning the negro TO follow, she
passed to the opposite side of the room, where a
Rebel soldier lay, and asked him the same ques-
ton, to which he very promptly replied mot
by id sight" Thelady thereupon uncovered
the basket and laid out bottle of wine, mince
pies, pound cake, and other deicacies, which
were greediy devomed in the presence of the
Union soldiers, who felt somewhat indignant


On the following morning, however, another
lady made her appearance with large covered
basket, and she also accosted our German friend,
and desired to know if he was Union man.


al ish by Got; l no care what you got; bese
Union"


The lady set her basket on the table, and our



in this case, if it did not avail in the other But
imagine the length of the poor fellows face when
the lady uncovered the basket and presented him
with about bushel of tracts. He shook his head
dolefully and said:


81 no read English and pesde. dat Rebel on
te noter side of te house need them so more as
me-"


The lady distributed them and left.


Not long afterward along came another richly
dressed lady, who propounded the same question
again to our German friend He stood gazing at
the basket, arpaI emily at loss for a reply At
length he answered her, in Yankee STYLE az fol-
lows:


"By Got, you no get me dis time; vot you GO,
NIT de basket?'


The lady required an unequivocal answer to
her questions. and was about to move on, when
our German friend shouted out:


'If you got tracts ] bees Union; but if you
got mince pie. NIT pound cake, unit vine, bees
secesh, lax ter tivel."


Sick soldiers have little desire to read tracts
when they are famished for the want of those
little delicacies so conducive to the recovery OF
hospital patients. When ladies visit hospitals
with tracts, we would suggest the Importance OF
accompanying them with basket of provisions
and they will be better appreciated.-l Louisville
Journal.
Year: 1863

'Tis the last silver dollar,
Left shining alone,
All its laughing companions
Have melted and gone,
Not a coin of its kindred,


No specie is nigh
To echo back softly


Its Silvery sigh.
You must leave me. bright dollar,
The last of my few,
Since thy mates have departed,
Skedaddle thou too.
Thus, kindly / send thee,
To wander afar
In the sky Of shinplasters,
A glimmering star.
So soon may follow,


When thou art no more,
And / wreck of starvation
On shinplaster shore
When the purse never iingles,
And sinners have flown,
oh who can feel wealthy
On pictures alone.
Year: 1863

rX-The easiest and best way 70 expand the
chest, is TO have a good large heart in h. IL
saves the cost Of gymnastics. besides the inhsls-
ton of On extra amount Of early morning ar.
Year: 1863

One copy one year L ot
Ten copies and TO the maker of the club Is OC
Twenty copies and two to the maker Of the club 80 o.


Additions be made Clubs a:any time the above
rates The names will be printed each paper without
extra charge.
Year: 1863

Those "NoIsY CHILDREN."-We!l


how do you like your stupid, quiet block.
heads, that never make noise only wher
some one pushes them out of the way
81 cannot bear the noise of children"
Then go a hut yourself up in some
quiet ook%here the music of children is
never heard. Shut yourself away from
the world, and thus stife the little music
stirring in your heart. If you wish to
crush the life and spirit from the souls of
children, stop their noise, instruct them
to play careful, and avoid all outbursts of
joy.


We like the noise of children. Not
that rude, wicked, wild noise that is
heard in the retreats of the prorane and
uncultivated, but the natural outbursts of
childhoods innocence and mirth


AS well may you command the spring
brooklet, swelled by recent showers, to
run over its rocky bed without MAKING
any noise, as to expect children full of
the springs of human life, to play and
make no noise. Do not Danish your chill
dren out of hearing that you may not
be troubled with their noise. Let them
feel that you love to see them happy
and cheerful, and then they will not seek
to avoid your presence to find enjoy
ment.
Year: 1863

THE GRANARIEs OF MINNESOTA ANr


WIsCoNsIN.-The La Crosse Democra,
speaks as follows of the great strides Of
agriculture in region which ten wears
ago was a wilderness. II says: ave be-
gin to think that the granaries of Mime
sofa and Northwestern Wisconsin will
never give out; there is no end TO the
amount, judging from the heavy loads the
steamers are continually landing at the
depot of the La Crosse and Milwaukee
Railroad. Where does it all come from ?
is the frequent inquiry of people. We
can hardly tell. 1t seems impossible that
there can be much more left, yet steam.
boat men tell us that the grain is not near
all hauled to the shipping points on the
river What will this country be ten
years hence, at this rato9 Imagine the
amount of transportation that will become
necessary to carry the produce oc the up
per country to market. 1t is hard to
state what will be the amount of shin
ments Of grains this season, but it will be
well into the millions"
Year: 1863

EMIoRANT arrivals at New York are
very large. Every emigrant ship brings
from three hundred to six hundred pass
engers, and Castle Garden begins to wear
the business aspect OF better days. The
reports that American officers have been
drumming up recruits in Ireland or Ger
many are quite as much news to the emf.
grants as to the American government
and people. OF these strangers a great
portion are bound to the West.
Year: 1863

HE Crops AND FRU1r.-Ci,izens
from all parts of the country inform us
that wheat and grass are looking finely
and promise far more abundant Weld
than ever before. The late cold rains have
dampened the prospect for corn, vet with
continued warm weather we hope for a
bountiful crop. Fruit trees Of all kinds
are literally loaded down with the young
fruit. We are informed by gentlemen
from Gratiot county that the prospect for
good crops there were never so flatterinp
as now, and that there will be large
amount of apples and peaches there also.
Northern Michigan will (f prospects are
fulflled) be able to send to market a great
surplus of both grain and fruit the pres
ent years.. Johns Democrat, 1871.