Year: 1859




throughout the State and proceed to furnish you with
account of my labors and their have been
gone for three months and you, in all sincerity,
that am fully satisfied You furnished me with list
OF one hundred and seventeen owing subscribers you
will recOlect have called upon one hundred and four
of them, and have the honor of paying to your
der three dollars and twelve and half cents being the
amount to which you entitled return you the list
numbered l to II, and now give the reply Of EACH


No, lis minister. He says, in the first place. he
got Oneha of the numbers and in the next place
your jokers column too scurrlous He can't think
OF aiding to sustain paper that advertses horse races
and gander pullngS. Besides be knows from the tone
of your editorials that you drink, and paying you
would be the means OF your ending your days in the
kennel He wonders at your impudence in sending
him his bill after publishing the account of the great
prize fight.


No. 2-Is in Jail for debt He has not seen half
dollar for year. Says he would pay with the utmost
cheerfuness he only had the money, but he had to
paper wonderfully and hopes you will continue sending
to him. III you send him any more papers he hopes
you will see that the postage is paid.


No. 3-ls young doctor. Says your paper is be-
meath the notice of gentleman. Wouldn't give -
for cart load of them. Says you inserted an article
rejecting upon the profession. Cussd your BILL and
says you may collect it the best you can.


No. 4-Is an old maid. Says you are always max
ing fling at single ladies of an uncertain age Wouldn't
pay you if she rolling in wealth. and you hadn't as





all the papers she had back month ago, and says
that she has sent them back she don't owe you anything
Says she even with you and intends to keep so till the
last day of her ife


No. 5-Is gamber--a sporting geteman Says he
got completely cleaned out last week at the races
Couldn't accommodate his grandmother with half
dime if she starving. Likes your paper tolerably
would like it better if you published races, and
would occasionally give an account OF chicken fight
Likes the description of the prize fight amazingy-it
redeemed multitude of your faults. He is after rich
young green horn who arrived here last week. Will pay
your bill out of the pluckings.


No 6-Is an old drunkard. Hasn't anything and
never expects to have Gathered up all the papers that
he had and sold them for hafpint of rum to the dog
gerry keeper to wrap groceries in Wished you would
send him pile. Winked at me when presented your
bill, and inquired if wasn't distant relation of the
man that butted the bull off the bridge
No lis a magistrate Swore he never owed you
cent, and told me was low rascal for trying to
swinde him in such barefaced manner. Advised me to
make tracks In little less than no time, he would get
out warrant against me as common cheat and have
me sent to prison. Took his advice.


No. SIS politician. Meant to have told you
year ago to stop his paper but forgot it. Tells you to
do so now and thinks you are getting off very cheapy
in not losing any more 10y him. Believes you to be
rascal and is too honorable to have anything do with
you, as it might compromise him and injure his pros
poets.


No. paid up like man The only one likes
your paper rSrate and to take and pay for it
long you publish it he lives Asked to din
ner, and treated me like king. An oasis in the desert


No. lois merchant. Expects to break shortly
must save all his small change Offered me small pair
of breeches and cotton handkerchief for the debt. Re
fused him with Threatened to break my head.


Nos. IL to ll7-I1ad no money-wouldn't pay-said
they didn't owe


have not succeeded whit better with the patrons
of the other publications for which | am agent. [ have
expended two hundred and ten dollars travelling and my
entire commissions amount to eighty-tWO dollars and
twenty-five cents The business don't exactly slt me-


Please accept my resignation from your list Of agents
admire your paper very much myself, but it would be
overlooking sort of that would come up to
the requirements of everybody. One wants independence
in an edtor-another don't want anything. One wants
all slang another wouldn't touch journal that contain
ed irreverent line with ten foot pole. One senti-
mental ackadaisical MISS in panalcttes, wanted moth
ing but love pOetry-anOthCr never read anything but
the marriages.


All kinds of abuse | have to bear, too. | wouldn't
mind it much they only cursed you and your paper
but they curse me, too SWindler rascal blood-suck-
er these of the they think proper to
bestOW upon tried fighting for awhile and thresh-
ed several patrons like bazes, but occasionally got
licked like thunder myself. Once was put in jail for
assault and battery, and only escaped by breaking out


Send me receipt for three dollars and twelve and a
hall cents and believe me-


Yours in despair, AARON SwEArwELL


AN EXQUISITE SwINDLE AND A VERDANT VICTIM
"A laSflonape young man mas just Dccn Delore Ine lie
corders Court in Philadelphia. 1t appears that hu-
being, endowed with reason, having become posses
scd of five hundred dollars wished to invest it, and
dinghy advertised for offers AS might have been antic-
patcd, he received immediate answer which informed
him that he could make hundred per cent. by in
veStmcnt which would be suggested at personal inter
view The fashionable young man was the correspon
dent A personal interview was had. The fashionable
young man showed MIR. Verdant Green quarter eagle
stating that he could and would sell quantity of COLI
precisely similar and in every respect equally good, al
the rate OF four hundred dollars in bankabe money
Green took the specimen to broker a chemist, whC
told him it was perfectly good. He accordingly paiC
to the fashionable young man two hundred dollars upoI
which the latter stepped out to bring the coin No
returning, Green became impatient and applied to th(
police. Hence the arrest.


A Mormon is living paradox. lie says grace be
fore cotlon in his sermons, selects his text
indiflerenty from the Bible the books of Mormon, al
almanac, the Presdentss Message and is perpetual,
quarrcliDg for the sake of peace His religion is joke
and be makes the best storytee chief of the quorum


He assumes dignites, but has not the slightest respec
for them and the effect of his piety is to put him on
level with the greatest reprobate of the time In shor
he is the Latter Day Saint Or in other words the las
; one you would think of calling saint.-EIchGnge.
PORTS CLosED.-Captain Robinson, of the bril-
Thomas Swan, arrived at New York from Savanila, o.
the II til u and reports that the ports of Savania
Carthagcna were to be closed the 20th by decree
the federal government oI new Oranada IN consequence
of the state in which these cities situated, being
rebellion against the supreme authority.
SINGULAR CATAsTRoPHE.-A farmer named Harri
Durham, nearly killed near New Holland, Ohio, i
a singular manner, last week. He trying to cate
an unbroken colt with assO which fastened to tn
horse he was riding He threw the rope and caugh
the colt, and at the same time the rope caught in
circular twist around his neck, which dislodged hin
from the animal he riding, when both becam
frightened and around the stable yard dragging MI
Durham by the neck and piuring him severely tina