Year: 1863

AS look back and think of the bright,
halcyon days of the past, and contrast their
peacefulness and joyousness with the stormy
present, when waves of trouble roll over me,
is it in human nature to utter with sincerity
the s,-"Thy will. he done!"


l did not, like patriotic woman, urge my
husband to enter the army, for the weight
which has SO pressed upon my heart these
many months of his absence, felt Men. To
have done so would have seemed like send
ing him to his grave; and was not at that
time q am not nOw) imbued with the spirit
of '76 sufficient to be willing to see one who
was more than half my life go out from the
dwelling whose door should never more open
to receive his living form. " 1t is one of the
fortunes of war;" and because it is, | must
still the wild throbbing of my heart and say,
even:tho' cannot feel it," it is we'll" That
saddest of all names-widow-ism mine now !
That one place by the firesde is vacant, and
ever again can listen to words of endear-
ment coming from his lips never again will
the sweet offices of affection be rendered me
from his hands. The fires of home-loye
have died, and in the blackened embcrs |
can tread my future gloomy way. The shin
ing path which lie has jest gone up, | can
hardly see because of the earth film that
blinds me; and, l only know that if life
OF virtue, goodness-that goodness which is
not of this worlds test of acceptance in
Heaven, Nen is my idol safe. | knew that
he was coming home, coming to me, and in
imagination had nursed him back to health
and the old life, rich with present and future
blessings. But that is all past now. Only
IN my dreams can hope for reunion this
side of Heaven. Yet dark as is the night
which has closed about me; black as are the
clouds which have lowered over my pathway,
the sweet and blessed memory that have
loved, and loved not unworthi7y is more
precious to my heart than all the joys which
cluster around many wife who has never
seen the grave opened to receive the form of
best beloved, and closed again to shut from
sight the life Of ones life.


" 1t is better to have loved and lost than
never to have loved at ALL" | cling to this
belief, even though the losing has robbed my
earthly life Of its brightness. can live and
learn to go alone, and through suffering gain
strength to better live the days of Gods ap,
pointment. We die not when we wish, but
when Providence determines.


seem oftimes to hear that well, known
voice say, Courage, my wife God chasti-
seth whom he loveth, and is it not something
to be counted worthy of chastisement at
His hands?"


! ask for sympathy, and see it expressed
in the countenances Of those around, and
hear in the remembered tones of friendship
sympathizing words, yet my poor heart,
bleeding and quivering at every pore, refuses
consolation. Are not my cherished hopes
crossed and the golden web l have been
weaving blighted, with the dampness and
mould Of the grave? Turn wherever I
will, l see no light save one bright ray
that comes through the pealIy gate which
loving hands left open.


Will an earthward march take my thoughts
from contemplation of the glories of the
beyond? Will a fear of the dark valley
through which must go, make me forgetful
Of all the blessings with which the All Faith





er will crown his faithful and obedient chill
dren7


Be still my heart with thy uprisings! So
sure as God lives will joy be born of sorrow


=
and sunshine break through the clouds of the
darkest day.