Year: 1859

1urtler call.

 Naughty Little Simon.

 The last copy of the State Rights Democrat is before us. On the second page, ten or dozen articles, and one of them the leader, are devoted to us. This plan affords Simon an opportunity ofshowing his versatile genius in different modes of attack We sincerely regret to say that there is no poetry this week.. He has taken our ad- vice in that respect and we are glad oft, though we lose the melody in his dulcet strains. If he will do without the stimulus we will forego the rhymes.

 In his last paper. he first denies that he made the issue on the Marshal's election in Helena, which piece of valuable historical information is followed by the announcement that we have spy there, which is as startling as it is-new.

 Second, we are sneered at for not giving the proceedings of the legislature on the l7th and 18th of January in our issue of the 18th, when the House met on Monday and did not transact any business until Tuesday, on which day the Senate met and when our pa per went to press. Let Simon keep heart, for in a short time we will send him tri-weekly, and by the time the next General Assembly meets will issue a daily.

 In the third article he whiningly attempts to defend his vulgarity by saying he found it in the Bible.

 Fourth, he says that some years ago his skull was inserted into ours and cracked it, This must be mistake, as some years ago. Simon was not here, that same interesting spec- men of the genus Homo, being comparatively newcomers recent importation.

 Fifth, he grows pathetic, tears his hair and tries to be ironical. The action of the mem- bers of the legislature not pleasing him, we asked him how he was going to help himself and he blubbers about his rights, humbly begs our pardon and implores us to see the central junto and find what right he is to have this year. Upon reading which, being willing to accede to any reasonable request we called the apprentices in our office together and laid lhe matter before them. They decided that he should have charter as large as the wnd-a right to make fool of him self when he pleas ed and subscibed sum sufficient to buy him a cap and bells.

 Next follows long article wherein Mr. Tap pertit lets himself loose generally-asserts and reasserts-affirms and denies-is serious and funny-laughs and cries, and insists upon that we are only playing with him, in which he is half right.

 Next, he begs to be put out of his misery with regard to the caucus. He is dying to know our views thereon. Well, next week we may humor the little fellow.

 Then he says we killed him off and were pot justifiable in so doing. He revives immediate ly to tell Us that we joined aboltionsts, know nothiDgs and disorganizers.

 Next we are asked how we like "soft horn" democracy. How some peoples minds do run on horns Then he gives us license to fib occa- sionally. He evidently wants us to do so. The truth hurts him. Finally he quotes the Gazette approvingly, one of the quotations being the miserable lie with regard to the public printing, which is noticed elsewhere.

 By this it will be seen that Simon covers great deal of ground, and spreads himself over any number of eggs, of which one or two are stolen from the nest of the Gazette. All through these articles run the same threads of personal abuse; the same old slang about whisky and the same unfair attempt to distort our po- sition. Simon shows that he is hurt. He be- gins piece by laughing and ends with crying. He threatens, then calls us master and begs our pardon. He begins with ha! ha. and ends with hoi ho! He writhes like worm on a hook and buzZes like fly in web. We could find it in our heart to pity him if it were not all de. served. It is done for his good. We correct him as father does his child, to keep him from being naughty in future. We give him medi- cine, unpalatable though it may be, to restore him to health. There is more yet to be ad- mnstered. He has several doses of ouinine yet to swallow. Let him make up his mind to take it without so much grooming and whining let him quit making faces and blubbering like a school-boy. People expected to see some- thing manly, dignifed and we'll behaved, but instead of this Simon has done nothing but use filthy explosives and snivel like half-starved brat. Fie upon you Simon! We are ashamed of you. Wash your face comb your hair. get you pocketkerchief and stand up like man and take it.