smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1869

From the London Quarterly Reviewl


1t is terribly significant Of the pres
ent state Of things when men are free to
write as they do Of the women Of their
own nation. Every word Of censure
flung against them is two-edged, and
wounds those who condemn as much as
those who are condemned; for surely it
need hardly be said that men hold moth
ing 50 dear as the honor Of their women,
and that not one living would willingly
lower the repute of his mother or sisters.
1t is only when these have placed them
selves beyond the pale Of masculine re-
speet that such things are written; when
they become again what they were once,
they will gather around them the lOye,
homage and chivalrous devotion which
we're then an English woman's natural
inheritance The marvel In the present
fashion Of life among women is how It
holds its ground IN spite Of the disap-
propation of men 1t used 10 be an old
time notion that the sexes were made for
each other, and to set themselves out for
that end But the girl Of this period
does not please men She pleases them
as little as she elevates them, and how
little she does that, the class Of women
she has taken as her models, Of itself,
testifes.


All men whose opinion are worth hav-
ing prefer the simple and generous girl
of the past. with their tender little ways
and pretty bashful modesties, to this loud
and rampant modernization, With her
false red hair and painted skin, talking
slang as glibly as a man, and By prefer
| euce leading the conversation to doubt
ful subjects. She thinks she is prudent
and exciting when she thus makes her
self the bad copy Of worse original,
and she viii not see that, though men
laugh at her, they do net respect her;
though they Airt with her, they do not
marry her. She will not believe that she
Is not the kind Of thing they want, and
that she is acting against nature and her
own interests when she disregards their
advice and offends their taste. We do
not see how she makes out her account,
viewing her life from any side; but ali
we can do is to wait patiently until the
national madness has passed, and our
women have come back again TO the old


English ideal, Oace the most beautiful,
the most modest, the most essentially
wOmanly, in the world.
Year: 1869

A story is told of a Scotch dog which
whenever a penny was given him, used
to 60 at once to baker with the coin in
his mouth, when, on dropping it, the
baker would give him a penny roll. On
one occasion the baker cheated him,
taking his penny but only giving him
half-penny ROLAND then the dog went
aud fetched a policeman 1t should be
remembered, however, that it was a
Scotch dog. Another case of canine
instinct may be given. A lady in Lon
don had favorite poodle, which carried
her letters from the postman to a couch
in the lady's parlor. On one occasion
the lady, to her astonishment, observed
the favorite dog putting the only letter
ii carried into the fire, instead Of put.
ting it on the couch. Amazed, she
rushed forward and rescued the letter,
although half burned and, 10 and be-
hold, it was dog tax schedule
Year: 1869

Notwithstanding its great celebrity,
champagne is the youngest as well as the
liyeliest Of wines As you journey from
Strasbourg to Paris you pass within a
mile of Rheims. the little village Of
Hautvillers standing above the yine-clad
banks Of the Marne. Here there is an
ancient monastery, in which lived joy
Gus monk, Dom PerignOm by name, who
a hundred and fifty years ago, gave the
world the invention of champagne. On
account Of his many virtues, in which an
accurate taste and a clear head were con
spicuOus. he took charge Of the broad
sunny vineyards of the abbey, and
had control of the cellars Even as
blind old man his taste distinguished be-
tween different kind Of grapes, and ac
cOrding to an old chronicle, he would
give wise instructions concerning them,
saying shat the wine of one grape must
be married to the wine of another"
His powerful mind also conceived the
happy idea that the insertion of cork
in bottle might more effeetually answer
the purposes which had been hitherto
attained by the primitive stopper of
bunch Of fax soaked in oil. He had
already raised the vinous renown of his
monastery to a great height, when by
lucky chance he hit upon the invention
of the effervescing wine known as cham
payne. The jovial monks kept the Sc
cret as long as they could, but at length
it transpired, and the new wine in due
course adorned the supper of the regent
and Louis Quintz.
Year: 1869

MATRIMONIAL MARKEr.-Several years ago
there were attempts to start system of matri-
monial brokerage in New York city, but none of
them succeeded. Somehow they speedily turned
into business an infinite deal worse than mat
rimony, and the whole thing had disreputable
air. Oflate man has come here from London,
who proposes to conduct this business in the
most respectable and responsible manner and to
this end he will receive no one on his books
whose character is not fully vouched for by at
least two responsible persons. His requirement
extends to both sexes, and he emphaticaly de-
c.ares that any one who cannot bring 6rst-class
recommendations will be excluded from the bus
iness of his Office. If be does this he may in
time build up business, but unless he has
good capital he will starve before be has reached
paying point. Matrimonial agencies have an
odd sound in this country, but this enterprlsing
Englishman argues that our prejudice against
them is very absurd. He says that in all large
cities there are many worthy men who want 70
marry, but have very few female acquainfances,
and none that are desirable. There are many
worthy women too, who would like to marry
bot have no male acquaintances what oet1r,
be argues, that an agency that shall bring these
people together under proper resFicuons ana
nroper guarantees of character!
Year: 1869

have never been able to discover who were
the parents of my noted subject, unless they
were old Mr.. and Mrs. Patch but of his early
life we have authentic record.


He was born in leap year, and surnamed Sam.
The first jump hear of his making was into
the cistern, before he old enough to eat with
knife and fork. The circumstances attending
this jump were not very satisfactory, as we'll
drag had to be called into requisition in getting
him out. The sharp points of the drag tore the
seat OF his breeches some, and it became imme-
diately necessary to sew a namesake of bis to
that very unmentionable portion of his ward
robe.


Sam, you know, was heavy on jumping falls
in after life. His initiation into this highly ex-
citing pursuit happened while at Sunday school.
Notwithstanding the persuasons of his teacher
to learn the Bible straight through, he jumped
Adams fall and went on to the next chapter
His success in this induced him TO Jump from
the last day of summer clear over Fall and land
on the edge of the next winter But this was
too big an attempt for boy to make, and he
didn't even get far as the middle of next
week.


Sam used to jump off hay-stacks, pig-styes,
&C., FOR the amusement of the small boys of tho
neighborhood.


He could jump into bed at night with a
prising grace, but old Patch iEvarbly had to
pull him out in the morning. But there are
clauses in every mans history that wouldn't
bear repeating, and for this reason l have said
nothing about Sans love of morning slumber.


One day, while assisting the elder Patch to
shingle barn, they got to quarreling, and little
Patch jumped at big Patch with a claw hammer.
Old man Patch clawed and hammered his undu-
tiful son while, and threw him off the roof
Gaining his perpendicular he descended into an
old we'll in the barnyard without injury. Climb
ing out, he addressed few melting words of
love to his pa, and then left the scenes of his
childhood forever.


He advertised himself as jumpist, and i'm
medately went into business. Patch was very
rash, in fact he was all broke out with it, and in
jumping straight down. NJ one in his time was q
patch to them


Patch chose to jump into the water on account
of his yielding nature. His friends endeavored
10 persuade him to jump from steeples, but he
had settled idea that such a course would give
him corns, and ever since he worked in old
Patch's corn patch he had a great antpathy to
corns.


Patch should have lived till the last war, as
his great propensity for jumping would have
abled him to leap the bounty as no other man in
the business could.


SamuePs last jump was at Genessee falls
His engagement closed in that waterfall. He
made successful jump, carried out his pro-
came up again. Some think he must have sat
down on the bottom of the river to rest, fell
asleep, and been devoured by fishes before he
awoke.


But don't believe that's the reason no more
than you do.


Another lunatic advances the opinion that he
saw his creditors on the bank and didn't dare to
come up. That looks reasonable enough but
don't think so.
Year: 1869

RRAvr BoY.-A little son of Philip Prather, at
Kaiobt's Landing, eleven years of age, was
lately left in charge of the house in the absence
of bis parents, and while alone, two men came
and demanded admittanee, threatening to Kill
him II he did not open the door, and give them
what money there was in the house. The boy
got rife and threatened to shoot if they did
not leave. They began to break in the door,
when he fred through the window and wounded
one Of them. Both tastily went away.
Year: 1869

A New YoRK doctor writes to a friend in Bos,
ton that he has sent to the insane asylum, since
the great 'gold corner" six men who were
made crazy by their losses Q"ite Il number of
other persons engaged 10 the corner appear
very mad over their losses, for some other
reason, but there is such method to their mad
ness that no insane asylum is likely to receive
them as inmates, though il would be good
tbiDg for the community if they could be locked
up somewhere.
Year: 1869

PErRIFIED BODY OF GIANT ExHUMED.-The
Syracuse Courier of a recent date says:


On Saturday morning last two men were
engaged in digging a well on the farm of Mr..
Newell, about mile and half from Cardiff,
when they suddenly came upon what appeared
to be mans foot of colossal dimensions at
first they were somewhat startled, as a matter
of course, and proceeding to dig around it they
discovered the legs and body of what they sup
posed to be petrfed man of monstrous size
The body lay about two and a-half feet below
the surface of the earth, on its back, with its
right arm and hand crossed upon its breast Its
legs were crossed, one lying upon and across the
other. The news of the discovery of the sun
posed human being spread like widire through
the valley, and all day Saturday and Sunday
hundreds of people visited the locality. DR.. J.
F. Boynton, of this city, geologist of celebrity,
paid visit to the locality yesterday afternoon,
and made most thorough examination, and
pronounces it to be a statute of a Caucasian.
The features are finely cut and are in perfect
harmony. The stone is the gypsum of Onon-
daga county. 1t is the doctor opinion that the
statue was carved by the Jesuits or the early in
habitants of the country, and was placed in the
slough in which it found for the purpose of
concealing it. The dimensions and proportions
Of the statue are colossal and majestic. Its
length is ten feet three inches. We incline to
the opinion that the discovery is the petri6ed
remains OF human being. A statue would
hardly have its legs crossed, nor would its arms
be placed in the position described above. TIE
features are AS perfect and the form is as COM
plete AS that of living person, and it has every
appearance of having once been human being.
Year: 1869

An Oi1cer Violates His Own Decree and is shot.


A correspondent of the Boston TrdUeLJer,
writing from Fort Macon, North Carolina, last
week, says:-


To lis il seems q little absurd that in time of
peace, when there is hardly possibility of
national foe, and much less of q secret one, that
the same rigid order should be given and
obeyed AS il the life of the nation depended
upon it. Last week a lieutenant, acting officer
of the day, gave orders that no one should be
allowed upon the parapet without the counter
sign, and ordered the guards to shoot any in
truder. An hour afterwards II chimney from
the guards casemate caught fire, and as the
alarm was given the lieutenant rushed up to
see what could be done about extinguishing the


fire, and doubtless forgot the orders he had


given. HALT" shouted the sentry, but as


others were shouting too, the lieutenant did


not hear. "Bang" went the guards musket


and the lieutenant fell dead. Next came an


orderly sergeant, who paid no attention to the
guard in his hurry. Bang" again, and the
sergeant was laid dead beside the lieutenant.
Then an officer with the countersign came, the
bodies were taken away, and the fire eXtin-
guished Now the guard knew he was shooting
his superior officer in each instance. Can ''or-
ders" be pleaded for killing an innocent man
whom the guard well knew was the very man
who gave the orders We think not; yet such
are the army regulations in time of peace, and
for this nonsense two families arc left without
support and the house OF joy turned into the
house of lamentation and tears, while the Gov
ernment loses two tried and efficient officers.
Year: 1869

The Married Womans Property bill now
provides that y married woman in Eng
land shall be as capable of holding and
dealing with real and personal estate,
OF suing and being sued, as if she were a
single woman. Every woman who marries
after the passing of the act may hold all pro-
perty real or personal, possessed or acquired
before or after marriage free from the control
OF her husband, and her earnings in any sepa-
her personal property. On the other hand,
husbands are not to be liable for the debts OF
their wives, either before or after marriage
nor liable in damages for any wrong committed
by them. Upon the death of a wife intestate,
the husband will take only the same share in
her personal estate rs a wife now takes in the
personal estate of an intestate husband The
bill is designed to go into effect the first OF next
year.
Year: 1869

in the Cult to-day would show something con-
traband of war. We are working rapidly
against the day when the grand Gordon win be
placed around us, which fire and iron alone can
remove, Now is the time for the adventurous,
either in person or purse, to come forward.
Fortune and fame come easily and speedily in
such days as these.


The prospect is cheering to every Cuban-to
every lover of liberty. We have gotten beyond
the stage when all desire to be generals. We
have reached the stage when all arc willing to
work in whatever sphere they may be placed,
and to work whole-hearted when that time is
reached, as you well know success is no longer
problematical.


shall continue TO write you rs occasion may
serve, but do not look to me for graphic accounts
of great battles-they are not plentiful We are
eating the country up, inch by inch-overcoming
rejudice--creatng patriots, not only by moral
suasion, but by orthodox blows, and win we
must.
Year: 1869

1t is stated at Paris that the cOunsellors OF cx-
Queen Isabella have held their last meeting
Most of them have long been of opinion that the
only chance for the fallen dynasty lay in the eX-
Queen abdicatng in favor Of her son. The ques-
tiOn was again put at this cabinet Council, "
and the Queen again refused. The meeting then
broke up. Some of the Queens adherents have
given up all hope, and have resolved to try their
fortunes elsewhere. II is even said that Father
Claret will shortly set out for Rome, where he
will live in retirement
Year: 1869

points which have escaped Hibernian
observation. He can set table and cut
bread with deft nicely that has been
supposed peculiar to female hands alone.


We have insisted SO far on hardness
IN men. As general thing, there is
more of this property in women than in
men. but there is very great want of cul-
tivation Of this faculty among women.


The ordinary class Of servants whom
we receive into our houses are unhandy
to that degree that amounts to fine art.
They are really ingenious in finding un-
expected wrong ways of doing a thing.
Placed as we have described, in houses
full of delicate and critical contrivances
which require only thoughtfulness and
nice handling to keep them in good
working order, they are, some eff them,
quite remarkable in their capacity for
getting things out of order.


But in the same manner that it is de-
slrable that man should understand and
be able to occasionally do the work of
woman, and as he can do it without be-
coming unmanly, so woman can learn to
understand and to do many things which
pertain to the work of men, without be-
coming unwomanly.


A woman who lives in the country, for
example, may sometimes be able to save
a life by knowing how to harness or
drive horse. 1t is, of course, not
proper feminine employment, but it is a
thing quite easily learned, and the
knowledge of which may come in play
in exigencies.


We think it would be an advantage
for women to learn to use the more ord-
nary tools of a carpenter the plane, the
gimlet, the screw, and the screwdriver-
in which case they might stop many of
the little domestic leaks we have indi-
Gated.


1t should be an object in educating
children of both sexes, to encourage
versatile handiness. If there is child
who is peculiarly unhandy, the parents
shodld stimulate that child to endeavor
to rectify this defect, to become skillful
and dexterous. Children should be en-
couraged and guided in any inclination
that they may have to construct and to
make and to mend. Mothers should
train boys, while they are little, to do
the work of women, by way of giving
versatility and dexterousness to the use
of their hands.


And we think girls might, with ad-
vantage, learn to do some of the work
of boys, with the view to strengthen their
hands. Each sex would be the better
for acquiring little something from the
other.
Year: 1869

Recently we heard of and read part
of the most singular will on record. The
maker of the will is represented to be a
shrewd, successful business man, who has
accumulated quite a large fortune.


He exhibits no other signs of insanity
than may be derived from the extreme
eccentricty of his will, although it is
probable the court will, in due course, be
called upon to determine the question
whether the testator was of sound and
disposing mind.


The will disinherits all the natural
heirs of the maker of it, and devises the
entire property in trust for the establish
ment of an Infrmary for cats. A most
elaborate architectural plan for the nee
essary buildings is attached to and made
part of the will. 1t provided areas for
that sweet amatory converse so dear to
the feline heart, and rat holes of the
m5st ravishing nature. to be kept we'll
stocked. The most ingenious contrivan-
ces are provided for the securing to the
rat chance of escape. so that the cats
may not lose the pleasure of the chase
by finding their prey come to easily.
High walls are to be built, with gently
sloping roofs, for the moonlight prone
made and other. nocturnal amusements of
the cats. The trustees are directed to Sc
lect the grounds for this novel Infrmary
in the most populous part of some Amer
lean city, and the devises are to be pro-
tected by a competent force of nurses
from the ravages of men and dogs. No
person of the male sex is ever to be ad-
mitted within the walls, and no female
who has children, or is under thirty
years of age. There are hundreds of
minute directions which we have no time
| to note.


One would suppose that in the forego-
ing provisions the testator had exhausted
all the eccentricities of one man, howev-
er unique his nature; but the last pro-
vision of the will seems more outrageous
ly bizarre than any that go before: Says
the deviser: al have all my life been
taught to believe that everything in and
about man was intended to be useful /;
and that it was mans duty. as lord of
animals, to protect all the lesser species,
even as God protects and watches over
him. For these two combined reasons
first, that my body even after death may
continue to be made useful and second
ly, that it may be made instrumental as
far as possible in furnishing substitute
for the protection of the bodies of my
dear friends, the cats, do hereby devise
and bequeath the intestines of my body
Year: 1869

to be made into fiddle strings, the pro-
ceeds to be devoted to the purchase of an
ACCORDION, which shall be played in the
auditorium of the Cat Infrmary by one
of the regular nurses to be selected for
that purpose exclusively-the playing to
be kept up forever and ever without ces-
sation day or night, in order that the cat
may have the privilege of enjoying that
instrument which is the nearest approach
to their natural voice. Columbus Jour
nal.
Year: 1869

Nobody is more like an honest man
than thorough rogue.


When you see man with great
deal of religion displayed in his shop
window, you may depend upon it he
keeps very small stock of it within.


Do not choose your friend by his looks,
handsome shoes otter pinch the feet.


Don't be fond of compliments; re-
member, Thank you, pussy and thank
you, pussy" killed the cat.


Don't believe the man who talks most /;
for mewing cats are very seldom good
mousers.


By no means put yourself in another
persons power, if you put your thumb
between two grinders, they are very apt
to bite.


Drink nothing without seeing it sign
nothing without reading it, and make
sure that it means no more than it says.


Don't 60 to law unless you have moth
ing to lose; lawyers houses are built on
fools heads.


In any business, never wade into wa
ter where you cannot see the bottom.


Put no dependence upon the label of
Bag and count money after your own
kin.


See the sack open before you buy
what is in it, for he who trades in the
dark asks to be cheated.


Keep clear of the man who does not
value his own character.


Beware of any man who swears; he
who would blaspheme the Maker, would
make no bones of lying or stealing.


Beware of no man more than of your
self; we carry our worst enemies with
us.


When new opinion or doctrine comes
before you, do not bite till you know
whether it is bread or stone; and do
not be sure that the gingerbread is good
because it has gilt ON it.


Never shout halloo till you are quite
out of the wood and never cry fried
fish till they are caught in the net.


There is always time enough to boast
wait little longer


Don't throw away dirty water till you
have got clean; keep on scraping the
roads till you can get better work, for
the poorest pay is better than none, and
the humblest Office is better than being
out of employment.


Always give up the road to bulls and
madmen, and never fight with coal
HEAVIER, nor contend with base charac-
ter, for they will be sure to blacken you.
Year: 1869

HYMEN IN SHOWER BATH.-Cora
Mowett, who is writing foreign letters for
the San Francisco Chronicle, tells a story
of bridal pair, making the tour of
Switzerland, who recently came to a
crowded hotel, and were informed by the
landlord, that there was but one unoccu-
pied room in the house, the bath room,
and that couple of beds might be made
in the two baths which it contained. The
youthful couple were we'll pleased to Sc
cure even this shelter, after fatiguing
journey, and retired to rest. An hour or
two later the stiffness of the night, was
suddenly broken by shrieks of distress
issuing from the bath room. The lady,
wishing to summon servant, had pulled
what she presumed was bell rope sus-
pended over her head in the bath, when.
suddenly, she was inundated by shower
OF cold water. The gentleman, reused
oy her cries, and not quite comprehend
ing the position, pulled supposed bell
rope, which he felt dangling over his
bath-bed, to bring him domestic, but
brought, instead, shower of hot water
over himself 1t was quite dark and
neither BRIDE nor bridegroom could grope
their way to the door. By the time sue
cor came they were up to their knees in
water.