Year: 1861




WHAT DO TIE WOMEN w.NT Us TO DO ABOUT


THE WAR?


One reason why it is so difficult to please
a women is, that she seldom knows herself
what she wants. In most eases it is as hard
to satisfy woman as it would be to content
a captain who would set you to steer his ship
and wouldn't tell You whether he wanted you
to 60 to Jersey or to Japan. They wouldn't
be satisfied, whatever you do. Especially in
the matter Of war. Particularly in the mat
ter Of the present war. Your wife, or moth
er, or sister, or whoever the woman may be
that own you, refuse to be content, no matter
what yot DO. re you don't JON military
company, she sulks, insnuatcs that you are
coward, turns up her nose, and wishes
she was a man. Ifyou do join said compa-
ny, she scolds about the expense, grumblcs
about the loss of time, and growls whenever
you go to drill; though in spite cf her growl-
ing, she always saves the choicest part of the
dinner for you when you do come.


Then she laughs at you, and calls YOU
" dresscd-tb monkey" the first time she sees
you in uniform and then, as soon as you are
gone out of the house, she rushes over to
Mrs. Jones to tell what a "splendid officer"
her husband is, and how magnificent" he
looks in his new military dress. Then, if
your regiment is ordered away, and you in
sinuate that " business affairs" will keen YOU
at home, all her fire is blazing i'm an instant,
and she upbraids you for backing OUT at
the critical moment, and insinuates that you
are \ " play-boy soldier; and then she wish
es she were a man--she'd show folks how
to fight Then, when you finally make up
your mind to go to the seat Of war, she bursts
into wet tears which spot your new uniform
and tarnish the gold lace on your sleeves, and
thinks yG,l ought to be ashamed to 90 off
and leave your family" She vows " she
don't believe you care a straw for your wife,
or cent for your sweet children:" she
knows you would rather be anywhere than
at home," and wishes she Were man, she'd
teach the President better than to send men
away from their families .. ~. ..


Then, tie day comes for you to start she
VOWS that she will never speak to you again
if you persist in going" Then, when you
take paper out OF your pocket and pretend
to read furlough from the commandant, ex-
cusing you and giving you leave to stay at
home, she throws her apron over her head, sits
down on the floor and howls aloud, to think
she should have coward for her husband'
that her husband should be afraid to 60
to the wars" And then, when you tell her
it's all mistake, and that you arc going after
all, she howls louder than ever, because she
"knows you will be killed. or she feels it
in her bones that you will come home with
two wooden legs, and then how can you take
her to the academy on opera nights? Then
she resorts in turn to every one Of the i'm
mense lists of female tactics to keep you at
home she weeps, she banters, she pokes
fun at you--she wishes she was ,nan-she
gets mad-she sulks-shc threatens to 60
home to her mother - she coaxes she
won't ever live with you another day.
she scoids, she entreats, and, as last result
she faints--in this case she always falls into
your arms, if you make an offer to catch her /;
if you don't offer, and if its early in the morn
'hgi and she hasn'. made her bed vet, she'll
fall on the bed; but if the bed is nicely made
up, she'll fall on the carpet, so as not to muss
the bed il the fainting dodge don't work,
and you still are resolved to 90, she VOWS
that she hates you, and that she'll never
speak to you again" and then, in order to
prove the bitterness of her hate, she goes off
and packs your haycrsack full of the daintics
and delcacles Of the season; then, after all,
at the very last moment, she comes and
throws her arms around your neck, and whis.
pers that she" loves you best Of all in the
world" and that she'll :" be such a good girl
until you come back, and that she'll take
saek good care Of the. children" and that
"you mustn't fret about her., and that she
Will write every blessed day and that you must
write just as often as you can, and that she
loves you best, best" and thousand other
little messages for you, but all kind and low
ing, and all told without tear-for she
doesn't cry now: until you are out of the
house; then when your are gone she weeps