Year: 1868



 nad thought that he knew that-I don't kpow why-and told him so; but he went on without noticing the interruption further.

 1 Il thought all women designing he said ''untll I met her. She was very beautiful, very quiet, very pleasant, and very good. She was too good for mo: and perhaps t is all the better for her that 1 did not spoil her fine nature by marrying her, as ruin ed her life by dlscarding her. l had met her at the house of an elderly lady wh. m had known for years, and 1 became inter- ested in her from the first. I know that the old lady had told her all about me, fol from our very first acquaintance, in fact, she evinced an interest in me- The ac- Guaintance soon ripened into intimacy She was very kind and good, and always friendly and tender with me. I found when first visited her at her own home that she was surrounded by admirers-not lovers, but merely friends-though, before recognized that I loved her, begun to fear that each was a lover and to look up. on him with jealous eye as an enemy. wished in my heart that she had no friend no acquaintance but myself. Gradually my seltishness in this regard increased; do not know how l managed to conceal ii

 

 the existence of these friends; I had none such; why should she? Why should she find pleasure in such friendships? When after a while felt, with many misoivings. that she loved me, and had by my comics sion of my affection learned the truth from her own lips and that loved was reciprocal ed, l was cruel and selfish enough to com plain of these friends, and at length ] in sisted that she should dimiss some of those most offensive to me- You will sav that ] was unreasonably jealous and selfish 1 he words are weak. I must have appear ed very contemptible to her, If in her strong g love for me, she had not felt delight in thinking these complaints proofs of my af- lection, rather than as evidences of my de- based nature.

 "There was one among her friends fol whom soon evjnco1 6 cordial dislike-not at first jealousy, bat merely dislike. He was more intimate with Laura's family than ] Was; he was as good q friend to her widowed mother as to Laura, and even more intimate with the mother than the d1ug tier. He was serious sad young man, evidently with some sorrow in his life. l looked on him then as sentimen- tai fool. He was, like myself, broker; his office Was near my own, for i had gone into Wall Street for myself at this time He Was very attentive to Laura and her mother and very polite to me in spite of my cold ness toward him. She had known him be- fore she did me; l hated him for that; she called him Frank, and called her Laura, and frequently called her mother, as she did mother. though 1 knew there was nc relation, and I hated him for that. I ire, quently called to find him there before me, 1 ha arrival to the lrother's sitting room Ere quently he went out with the mother tor the evening and occasionally with both.

 My dislike of him ripened into jealousy one evening wlIen, going to call by ap. pointment on my atfinanced, I met the three, he, Laura, and her mother, just leav ing the house. They each spoke to me, and Laura drawing me little one side, apologized for not keeping the appoint, ment for the evening by saying that she and her mother were compelled to go out hastily and unexpectedly for the evening to attend a sick lady, and sine asked me to come back the next evening, She spoFe very hurriedly and nervously, and hasten ed to be off. l thought at the time that her nervousness was rather suspicious, .--- when, before I could offer to see her to

 destination, she bade me goodnight, so taking his disengaged arm hurried "'' leaving me disconcerted on the sidewall ., l felt that she was deceiving me. aii 'I went homeward very much disc pose1, and full of suspicious thoughts.- attemped to thrust.out the unwelcome it.. u at she had been anxious to avoid me ,ds get away from me, nervously fearful that :. would insist on accompanying her, but 1t would come back coupled with reflection s of former incidents of her own and her mothers conduct toward Frank. which now looked to my eyes fearfully suspicious | Why had she wished that l should not ac- company her? jumped to the conclusion that she had not, and then devised thous- and motives, none of which were culculat- ed to explain and justify her conduct, but all condemning her, and justifying my s,ls- picions. She loved that man. Her moth CT was intriguing to marry them! She was flirting with me in order to lure him on to marry her! She was going to some place she did not care to have know she visited! cursed myself that had not followed her and went to bed at length wild with jeal- ousy and hate.

 Il was half ashamed of myself next morning, and tried to laugh at my base | SuSplclOnS; out Lhe laugl was 1OFcCQ and hollow, and the contempt felt for myself was only half genuine, sinceI was conti2- ually hunting for apologies for it. I did not look in the glass when washed and combed. When man gets to that point that he dares not look himself in the eye he is very contemptible indeed. I dared not look into my heart, for it would not stand scrutiny any more than my face Instead of going to her, telling her how I felt and thought, and hearing, if she chose to give it, an explanation, found myself making apologies for my suspicious aud jealousies. A man may know positively that he is in the wrong when he finds him. self hunting in his own mind for excuses for his conduct Our honest indignation; like our good motives, needs no apology I did not feel this so earnestly then as I do now, and went to my office that morning with the air and expression of a deeply in iured man determined to be as miserable as possible.

 ''When evening came went to see Lau- Ia with something of the idea that was doing magnanimous part in aftording her an opportunity for explanation She was ill; it was evident when she came into the room, and she at once told me so. She had not finished the sentence when I sug- gested that If that was the case nv visit