Year: 1868

Ny First Drunk on Lager Beer.


There we're four of US in one room--Dukes,
Brutus Lance and myself, and | can safely
say that four jollier cusses never occupied
afuurth-stoiy front In fashionable boarding
house, and eat hash together three times
every day.


We were independent, all of US, and didn' t
care three cent stamp for any other In the
house.


We paid for the hash weekly; we never
asked to be trusted.


We all washed in a cracked wash bowl,
and brushed our hair before the same mirror
(slze by Az and hung up our clothing in
the same wardrobe, and obtained light FROM
very smoky lamp.


All, that lampI how often l have had to
strike match to see if it was burning


One evening We all felt badly. We felt as
If We would like to go home and see our
mother, tor we had just eaten supper, and
had hash. of course.


We wee all standing by the door, medi-
tating what we should do. Each was smok-
lug prime segar, and viewing numerous
specimens of female beauty as they fitted
past US.


Suppose we take beer, said Dukes,
throwing away his segar.


We had no objections, so we stepped into





large stomach, and each OF US took beer.


Thou Brutus insisted that we should take
beer with him, and we did so.


Lance then gave us to understand that we
should not go back ON him; SO We took
beer with Lance.


Ii was my turn next, and we had another
beer.


BY this time begun to feel like stuffed
rock fish, and had TO unbntton the top but
tou OF my pants


Lager beer had begun to taste like dish
water and quinine mixed together, and | was
confident could write German in blank
serse-(very blank indeed


With or next drink We ordered a thing
called pretzei, which looks like snake
twisted up with the cramp colic. now lie
as il my head was on the wrong end OF me,
and L concluded TO go home; SO L started


We all got safely up In our fourth story
front, but don t know whether carried
somebody up or somebody carried me up;
anyhow, We all got up and the wash basin
was wanted Immediately.


''Lancy,' said L, don't you know (hicl
that lager beer won't intoxica e?'


''Darned thie) lie y replied the festive
cuss who has his head on Brutus stoyepipe
hat, thinking it was the washbasin.


''Snooks, said Brutus, who had his head
under the bed and his feet on the wash stand
-..Snooks, let S (hic) take beer, or any
other man (hic, hicl -Four beers, old chap"


BLACK Crooks for four! yelled Dukes;
ELL 'em all up again


Gentlemen" said Lance, ''such conduct
as those are thicl disgrace to the establish
menti Gentlemen, (hicl [ implore you not
to forget that well have hash for break
fast |"


''Set 'em up again." said Brutus, who
now had his head over Lance hat and ap
peared to be groaning and reaching over it.
| wasn't in the humor for talking at that
time, for everything in he room was dancing
a hOrnpipe.
The beds were promenading with each |
other, the wash stand was balancing to the |
smoky lamp, and the water pitcher was dan |
cling with the looking glass; while Brutus' |
trunk was kicking up the dickens with mine, !
and Dukes was running Lance S trunk race |
all around the room.


[ at las. went to sleep, and dreamed l was
a high pressure boiler in Delaware river
tug boat, and thought they were getting up
steam on me- The safety valve was tied
down. and the engineer was drunk on lager
beer. Now the steam was up to 2oO POUNDS,
and, Jerusalem, jingo! L exploded with an
awful crash, which woke me up, and found
lager beer running out of my mouth IN a
stream as thick as my arm, and 1t tasted ten
times more bitter than when it went down.
When morning came found Brutus un Ter
the bed, with his head in hat box, and his
feet on pillow.


Lance had his feet in Dukes coat pockets;
and Dukes had his feet on bed and his head
on trunk; while found myself laying
erossways on bed !; with nothing on but my
boats and a paner collar


I had an awful headache, and LANCE poured
cold water on the back of my head to cure
It; but it was no use, | had the headache
for three weeks
was drunk all day and all night; L believe
L vas worse the second night than l was
when | drank the beer. I've had to get my
hats size larger ever since, and whenever
hear anybody speak of lager beer expert
eence nauseous sensation underneath the
lower button of my vest
Brutus and Dukes have mt got sober yet,
Lance has sworn off. SO have |. but | ain
going to take the pledge until have re-
covered from my first drunk on lager beer.