Year: 1862

: quietness. l was wretchedly feverish and il
D for long, long time, unable to leave my bert
f or take any nourishment yet, strange to say
S l never slept without such heavenly dreams


An unaccountable happiness stole over me a
| sank to sleep, the fever and the thirst wer
slake on delicious fruits or at sparkling fount
r of the cIearest water. The dull monOtoHy o
/ sight and sound, which almost maddened M


when awake, was exchanged for the land -scape
and the music of Paradise


So it was with me now for a time whel
awake, despair and deSOlation and eternal issO


iation cloed around me; but when sank int,
an Inconsistencies that was not sleep, suel


bright, mOcking visions of the past. witt
! every precious hour that memory held in store


was lived over with a minuteness and vivid


ness that Knocked the changeless reality o


Of widowhOod.


Every halfexpressed thought or glance o
:enderness-the perfect repose of the fuI
knowledge of his lOve-the bitter bliss OF oul
first parting. when the call to arms sounded
through the land-lhe unspoken longing to be
called his-to bear his name, at least if his
life should be laid down for his country the
lohg. clinging, passionate farewell, when | first
felt all the intensity of his love, and his sui
den, unlocked for return.


That day came up before me continually
heard the sound OF his clear ringing foot
steps in the hall when l thought him hundreds
Of mics away, and started to be caught to his
heart, and fiud that my quick recognition OF
that familiar tread was indeed a blessed reAli-
| ty. How tenderly he smooihed back my hair
as clung TO him-afraid be would vanish as
strangely as he had come, and pressed nv
cheek close and closer to my breast, till coald
bear the strong throbbing of his heart aad
then be whispered, you must be my wife,
/ Agnes, before l leave you again this seplra-
tion will be intOlerable if cannot pour out
my whole heart TO you, and think of you as
all mine p


! Yet he was to return the next day; for his
sad errand Of escort to a deceased comrade
one OF the first to bap;iz, the soil of Virginia
with heroic blood, was already accomplished
1t was all 50 strange, So hurried, so drean-like.
VIXEN | stood between my kind uncle and aunt
the next morning, and my uncle laid my hand
in Arlhurs, and, trembling from head to foot,
made those solemn vows that bound me to him
Tor lie and death.


Oace-onIy once-I hearI his dear voice
alter The sacred name of Wife"-and then il
was all over; my c'asping arms were unlocked
from his neck with tender aud gentle force, my
husbands first and last kisses were showcred
upon my iace-and he WAS gone!


Mas this the end of my faithful watching
and wdilinS-ceuseicss vigs in spirit By an
unknown unllonorrd grave?


But now Hei.hsr bitter realities nor tender
memories mingled in the sleep To which | sank;
tor hours my unslircd pillow was dreamless
Us that of the dead, and awoke so rested and
so Calm That ai first they feared the new mood
only as more insid:uus symptom OF mental
maudy. l had a plan and purpose of lie
Ior Il time, at least. which had come 10 me as
suddenly as an inspiration. had been denied
that winch ] had covc;cd-to soothe his pain,
to watch toy his bod of suffering but there
were OILERS who had sufT red in the same holy
cause ts whom could minsier-his c0mrAd,
who, in turn were far from all they loved.


My aunt called it ma'lntss when told her
Of my intention to leave my sheltered home
with her. and devote myself 10 the wearing,
solf-sacrilicne life of nurse among the hospi-
tails My health forbade > my strength had
never been taxed ii was romance l would
soon be cured of :" "they would not undertake
the risk TO which my life would be exposed"
But l had expected opposition. and met it
quietly but firmly. An only child, seIf.will had
long been governing principle, and they
finally gave way, believing what I told them,
that it was my only escape from madness, the
prospect Of action, mind and heart both oc-
cupied, fully.


knew he would have approved my course
and what was my ease and comfort that it
could not he resigned when Arthur's had been
so readily sacrificed? Aud suppose the worst
came-er what they thought so-there was
selfish, cowardlv pleasure to me in the thought
that should then be united 10 him again so
soon.


1 wanted TO pat on the mourning-dress
which suited my condition, but that they
would not allow me. Arthur's relations OPP
posed it while there was hope" Alas! there
never had been hope. Some of them cavied
at my purpose, and called it unwonanly; but
then they had at my sudden marriage also
dull souls who made religion of routine and
social observance.


1t was the first approach to happiness had
known when l put on the plain gray dress
which Arthur had always liked so much, call
ing me his little num- and knct down in the
silence OF my own room with VOW Of cOnse-
Grafton to God and my suffering fellow crea-
lures for lie accepted it, knew, blotting out
the human weakness of my rebellion. l knew
it by the power that l had given me at that
moment 10 look upon the past without bitter
ness, and the long, weary future without a
cowardly shrinking from it,


A1y dear aunt waited for me below, with
tears that she could not refrain she saw my
blighted life in my thin, worn face and she
had tried so hard to make me happy after that
first great loss, aud be a mother to me. |
stood en- the spot where l had been made
Arthur's wife. How should I return to my
home again? How pass through those doors
that now closed so reluctantly upon me?


But then all pain was over save meeting my
uncles painful looks, from time to time, as we
went on our little journey together.


The surgeons did not care to admit me at
first my youth and inexperience were against
me but ny uncle told them my story with
faltering voice, and 1 pleaded so humbly for
the least and lowest office that they allowed
me to remain. My narrow, comforlless quar-
ters, were assigned me, and my longing for
task began.


The first day tried my resolution tn the ut
most the long rows of sufIerers, the wan and
wasted faces, the painful imporing looks from
eyes that followed me as passed, the scken-
ing sight of manned and wounded limbs, the
ghastly stump cushioned into sight and cool
ness, the raving of dciirum, the wan, ashen
faces Of the dying oh, my God that such
scenes should be! repeated with uuvarying
sameness through those long, dull wards /;
through miles of wards like those all over our
j I.-.L I