smithclay/nortonstories huggingface dataset:
Year: 1863

MAxlNs FOR HusBASDs. Resolve in the
morning to be patient and cheerful all day.
Laugh heartily on finding all the buttons Off
your shirts as usual Say merily, boys will
be boys when you discover that the children
have einptied the contents Of the watering
jug into your boots. On gashing your chin
with razor, remember that beauty 10 only
skin deep and in order to divert your
thoughts from the pain, rects speech from
Hamlet, or indulge in one of the harmonies
of your own native land. II breakfast is
not ready for you chuckle and grin pleasant
ly at nenials; think that merry heart is a
continual feast. and depart to your daiiy bu-
siness, imagining yourself sufferer from ir-
digestion.
Year: 1863

HAVE JUST RECEIVED A NEW AND LARGE


supply of Millinery Goods of the latest styles and
adapted to the Thankful for the pat.
ronage bestowed upon US in the past hope to merit
continuance OF the by paying greater
than to the quality of goods and manufac
ture. New goods received weekly Shop opposite Post
Office, Cedar Falls,
Year: 1863

There is species of humor, peculiarly
American, which consists in grotesque hy-
perbole, the caricature of some fact which
expresses it better than faithful portrait
would do. Some people take the snake and
kin it when they wish to show it to us, but
the lively Yankee humorist just catches it by
the tail as it passes, and stretches it into lu-
dicrous proportions, as actors in pantomimes
do the tails Of those famous ductile dragons
which SO astonish and delight the children.
Instances Of this wild and extravagant hu.
NOR are as common as proverbs. Everybody
has beard of the weather which was so cold
that the mercury went out Of sight, and which
no doubt would have been good deal colder
if the thermometer had been long enough
similar exaggeration was that Of a young
man who took calomel on a morning so cold
that the mercury ran right down in his boots.
And, speaking of boots, reminds us Of the
stage driver who wore so large ones that he
had to use the forks Of the road as boot
jack. The following passages are illustra-
tions Tho man out West whose legs are so
long that he has to 60 down cellar to tie his
shoes. The man who is so large that he has
to 60 out of doors to turn over. The man
who snored SO loud that he had to sleep over
in the next street to keep from Weakening him.
self. The man whose nose is SO long that he
has to step forward three PAGES to reach the
end of it. The man who was so large and
heavy that his shadow killed little boy when
it fell on him. The man who is so fat that
his shadow left greasy trail along the road
as he walked and the man who was so thin
that he did not have any shadow at all. And
among these deserves to rank the horse that
ran so fast round ring that the spectators
could only see one continual circular horse !;
together with that other more famous racer
that ran SO swiftly about the arena that he
nearly caught up with himself, and could see
his own tail just before him. A fireman once
related an adventure in which he found him.
self in rich saloon surrounded by fine com.
pany. 81 didn't know myself until felt in
my pockets and found 'em empty" Some
one inferred that he was customarily short
Of funds. "That's so! if steamboats, were
selling at two cents apiece" said he, ~ hav-
ent enough to buy gangway plank /" We
once heard a person tell Of fright he re-
ceived from . big dog. ~ lost flesh" said
he, at the rate of ten pounds minute. ill
the owner came and called him off," Along
with this we may place the story of the mar
who, in consequence of fright, ran so fas,
and far that when he stopped It was more thar
20 minutes before his shadow came up will
him. He WAS probably watched BY the mar
whose dicky was 30 high that he had to climl
fence to zee over it, Engg;sh Paper.
Year: 1863

into custody, he had lin his pocket-book u
consideration sum in Confederate notes.


1t is not likely that he was sent on here to
get up a riot; fer il is alleged that he ran
away from his Virginia home, leaving n
vile and four children destitute. Being
here, he was chosen by the Pro-Slayery,
anti-Government, anti-War wireworkers to
be the mouthpiece of the mob. When the
fact OF his arrest became known, his friends
made an effort to secure his freedom by is
suing writ ofhabeas corpus He stormed
at the detectives who had, so early in the
morning separated him from his dusky
puramour, declared the arrest arbitrary"
and unconstitutional" and demanded an
immediate trial but he was sent to Fort
Lafayette before the City Judge could come
to his relief, and in due time he will have u
fair trial


The speech he delivered to the mob, when
he urged the rioters to sack and burn the
stores and dwellings Of parties friendly TO
the Government was the same speech with
additions) that he delivered before the
Peace Democracy at Fernando Woods de-
monstration at the Cooper Institute. The
variations only adapted it to the new state
of facts, leaving its spirit unchanged"
Year: 1863

As the subject of the purity of the Bran
dywine water is just now largely in the
minds of the people of this city, and as it
interests ever person, of whatever class or
condition, we take pleasure in giving promi
nence to the following article from the pen
Of MIR, Bringhurst of this city:
Year: 1863

As | APPROVE OF youth that has something
Of the old man in him, SO | am pleased with an
old man who has something of the youth. lie
that follows this rule may be cid in body, but
never so in mind
Year: 1863

II Is beautiful saying of somebody that
gratitude is the music of the heart when its
chords are swept by the gentle breeze of kind
ness. Many hearts however, might as well be
strung WI BEDFORD for all the music of graft
tude that ever comes from them.
Year: 1863




The Oldest newspaper in Detroit now in it, oath
yesr-the Advertiser having been established in
1929. "


In July last, BY the consolidation. of the Dailv
Advertiser and Daily Tribune, a circulation larger
than that ever enjoyed by any paper in Michigan
was attained. Since then corps of editors has
been secured second to none engaged any
Western paper. Some have'been employed for
years on leading Eastern papers, and bring rich
fund of experience to the columns OF the Advert
ser u Tribune


Cur expenses for telegraphic dispatches are
larger than those of any other paper in Detroit aud
more than seven times the amount paid BY any one
paper . Aear ago. In fact We now publish simulta
neousy with them, besides the regular Associated
Press dispatches that sent to the Philadelphia
Inquirer Pittsburg Gazette, Cincinnati GAZETTE, St
Louis Democrat, and Chicago Iribaac--the i've
leading papers in the cities In which they pub
lished, and for enterprise not whit behind the
New York journals. Almost daily II occurs that
we obtain news by special dispatch twelve hours In
advance of the Associated Press, of the correct
ness OF which statement we refer to the numerous
readers of our Daily. In this city, where both the
daily papers ar habitually read by all parties, 1t
is generally conceded tha. the dispatches OF the
Advertiser & Tribune the most reliable and sat
isfactory of any published in Detroit.
We are now sparipg no expenses and intend 10
spare none to place the Advertiser & Tribune IN
the first rank as newspaper. Particular attention
is given to State news aud TO intelligence from our
soldiers in the army, correspondent being mann
tanned in every Michigan Regiment.


| Politically the Advertiser and Tribune looks 10
the say alton of the country by the energetic prose
cution of the war raged against the accursed
rebellion of the South On humanitarian grounds,
as war measure, and as safeguard for the future
quiet of the nation, it upholds the President 9
Emancipation Proclamation. and all other war
measures of the Government; while it admits the
propriety of friendly criticism it holds that no dl-
rect and active opposition to the Goyernment rs
consistent with loyalty, should be tolerated IN
the North any more than in the States engaged IN
| the rebellion.


AS commercial paper we aim to make the Ad-
vertiser and Tribune the best in the State and have
employed to conduct this department man o
large experience and reputation. This will max
the paper particularly acceptable TO farmers, "a
we'll as merchants aud millers.


Our facilities for printing large edition nave
lately been greatly increased by the erection OF the
fastest press in use in this city, and our Circulation
is keeping pace with our capacity OF print.
Year: 1863

ADVERTISER & TRIBUNE.-We call
the attention of our subscribers to the
prospectus of the Detroit Adysrtiser
d Tribune, in another column. The
Advrrtiser & Tribune is now one of
the best papers published any where,
while its devotion to the interests OF
Michigan and the exertions it puts forth
to keep the people posted in regard to
Michigan regiments, should give it q
preferanSe over any paper published
outside the State. To those who want
a paper outside of Cass County, we
cordially recommend the AdUertiser G
Tribune.
Year: 1863

A BRAVE WONAN.-There is living
at this time in this county woman
whose husband recently deserted from
his regiment, and succeeded in reach
ing Canada in safety. Shortly after
getting there he sent for his wife to join
him. This the brave woman refused
TO do she told him that he had dis
grsosd himself and her, and that she
would never live with him again, unless
he came back and rejoined his regi-
ment. As he has not seen fit to do this,
she refuses to follow deserter, and SO
the matter stands.
Year: 1863

PADDY HAYS AND THE rURTLE.-In
New York a man was carrying live tur-
tie along the street, when along came an
Irishman, followed BY dog. The coun.
tryman 'riea by gentle words to get the
son of Emerald to put his finger in the
turtles mouth, bnt he was loo smart for
that.


But says he, "l'll put my dogs tail
in, and see what the beast will do,


He Immediately called up his dog, took
his tail in his hand and stuck 1t in the
turtles mouth. lie had scarcely got it in
when Mr.. Turtle shut down on the poor
dogs tail and off the latter started at q
railroad speed pulling the turtle after him
at more rapid rate than it had ever
travelled before. The countryman thing
ing his days work would be thrown away
If the animal should run long at that
speed turned savagely upon the Irishman
and exclaimed


Call back your dog"


Patrick put his hands into his pockets,
threw his head TO one side winklng, and
then answered with a provoking srng
froid: "Call back your fish,"
Year: 1863

PAYING THE 30 DAY MILITlA.-Near
the close Of the late session of our Legis-
lature bill passed the House granting to
each man who went to defend the State at
the call Of Gov. Curtin, one months pay,
the same in amount as that received by
the officers and soldiers in the regular
army. Tho Senate amended the bill by
inserting half months pay, and passed
it in that shape, and was so accepted
We presume that very many who went OIL
that expedition thought little about the
pay they should receive, but if they arc
entitled to anything they are certainly
entitled to at least months pay-if for
no other reason than that most who went
incurr ed expenses which would have been
uucaled for had they remained at home
while many suspended their business or
hired others to carryit on during thier abb
scnce. We like to SEQ rctrenchment and
economy but We dislike to see things done
in niggardly manner for the sake of sa-
wing small sum which some greedy spec
ulator will doubtless be sharp enough to-
fob ere long. SO the world wags.


PutstoN Gazette.
Year: 1863

Glass in the middle of geography stand
up what's a pyramid


A pile OF men in a circus, one on top
of the other.


Where's Egypt


Where it always was.


What is spring.


A hole in the ground with ditch ruiz
ming away from it.


What is en- Islandl


A thing with grass on it,"


Where's Wales !


All over the sea.


Very well-stay there till | show you a.
species of birch that grows all over the
country.
Year: 1863

jim Lane, of Kansas notoriety, says
he would like to live long enough to see.
every white man in South Carolina in
hell He will get o sight of those who
60 there when he dies; and it is not likely
that he will get a glimpse of any snywher.
else.
Year: 1863




Iseomposed entirely of healing gums and vegetable
oils and herbs. 1t is perfectly safe for the most
delicate to l car most sincerely say that
have never known any, however delicate, to be in
jured by it in the least. will continue to ask the
afflicted, who have not used it, to try it for the
following diseases. If they not satisfied with
its healing properties the money will be cheerfully
refunded by the agent where the medicine is for
sale.


II you have Pain in the Stomach or Bowels. try
dose OF Pain Panacea internally, bathe externally
over the parts affected and you will at once restore
the proper action and relieve the pain.


If YOU have 4 Bruise or Wound. bathe il well with
the Pain Panacea tour times day. 1t viii relieve
the pain and take out all the poison and heal the
wound in short time.


II YOU are suffering from Neuralgia or Rheumatic
Pains. apply the Pain Panacea freely, and take
dose of it internally. morning, noon and night it
will not only cure the pain, but will remove the
cause OF the disease.


II you have the Dyspepsia, and your food dis
treSses Your stomach after eating, take dose of
Pain Panacea after each meal.


Ii You have a Canhered OF Sore mouth or Throat
apply the Pain Panacea to the affected parts, and
garsle the mouth or throat three or four times
day.


If you have the Diarrhea, or a relaxed state of
the bowels. take few doses of Pain Panacea, and
they will soon be restored. II you have painful
>NC4i- tatut ttie pats lltttA You Will >peH
relieve the pain. and the swelling viii be reduced
If you have q severe tOothache. apply the Pain
Panacea piece Of cotton. and bathe the gum at
the same time it will stop the pain instantly.
II you have pain in the Breast. Side, Back or
Kidneys. bathe the parts affected morning and
night; at the same time take dose of Panacea
internally.


If a Mother has Caked Breast, apply the
Pain Panaeea as hot as it can be borne.
II You feel chilly cold. though you were 60
| ing to have fever, take dose Of Panacea.


Il you have a wound, cut, or gals on your horse.
apply the Pain Panacea it will take out all the
/ Inflammation and heal the sore in q short time.
Sold by all the principal druggists. and by
REDINGT0N 4 CO.. gents,
4l6 and as Front street. San Francisco.
Year: 1863

IMPorENT MALIGSITY.-The New Y Ybrk Post
Cullen Bryant's paper-contaiDed an article
threatening Governor Seymour and the State
of New York with being placed under the
surveillance Of the Federal General Dix. The
Governor replies to this threat By arresting
the Federal agents of despotism in New York
City. At this the New York Times whines
pitifully. and asks if the Governor is determin-
ed to push the Administration over the brink
of the precipice on which it is standing. That
is just what any other criminal standing on
the trap door Of the gallows would plead no;
to have done. Over with Raymond, Seward,
Lincoln, Greeley and the whole pack of disun-
ion traitors who have brought our glorious
country to the very verge of ruin.


Oregon Union.
Year: 1863

Belle ram, va hpFi iooo-


Co. f left L,wisburg, perhaps more
exclusively Union in its composition than
any other. Not single member was
recruited from another county, and very
few indeed claim their birthplace outside
Of Union and, as you may suppose, We
are proud of it, Few companies left our
county under as favorable auspices as the
two which marched through the streets Of
Lewisburg on the morning of the 26:h Of
last August However, through all the
long months Of their service, | have seen
no communication regarding them in
either paper of our native place. can
not but suppose that a statement of their
present condition, and a resume of their
changes and actions would bs inter esting
to some Of your numerous readers. We
left Harrisburg numbering 92 officers and
men, and now can only muster upon our
rolls 63. This loss of twenty mine is dis
tributed as follows:
Year: 1863

LE- The telegraph proclalms the sup
prssion of the great riot in New York the
most formidable in its proportions, and dis
asrous in its consequences 10 life and proper.
ty, that has ever disglaced our country
Whether the riot was checked by military
strength, or the action Of the New York
City Council, in appropriatug s2,5oo,oOo
to secure the people OF the city exemptinH
from the draft, is matter Of conjecture
The after was probably the main cause, as it
tool. away from the rioters the complaint
that the conscription law made an unjust
discrimination in favor of the rich and
against the poor man. The appropriation
of money by the city authorities will be n
tax upon each individual according to the
amount of his taxable property.


Although quiet is restored, the disgrace Is
not removed or the numbered dead restored
to life. There are bereaved hearts and en-
blems of mourning in many households OF
the great metropolis of the nation.


The end is not vet. Though bullet and
bay has retired from the contest, the
strength and majesty of the law must be
vindicaied by the punishment OF those who
led on the desperate bands TO the destruc-
ton of life and property


Gov. Seymour has been equal to the emer.
srgencv. Although some in the fright
desired the proclamation of martial law, he
would not consent believing rightly, it
seems, that the civil law, supported by the
authority and power of the State, was suiii
cient to allay the storm. And yet this
man has been The matk Cor ,he envenomed
shafls OF every Abolition penny liner in
the county. He is the same man whom
Gen. Cassius NJ. Clay, said was traitor
and deserved to be hung. Every step in his
Executive career has marked Gov. Seymour
as statesman, patriot, a Constitution low
ing and law abiding man. 1t may be that
in the Providence Of God, he is the coming
man to carry our unhappy country through
the troubles that environ it upon every
side.
Year: 1863

DEMoCRATIC THUNDER IN THE SKY.-lhe
cifc coast comes from the far north. The
Democracy Of Washington Territory have
elected their delegate TO Congress by an
overwhelming majority. 1t is the distant
sound of the tread Of the grand Democratic
column that is shaking the nation in its
march to victory,
Year: 1863

DEMoCRATIC GRAND RALLY AT MARYs-
vILLE.--The Democracy of the counties of
Yuba, Butte, Suffer and Colusa, will hold a
Mass Meeting at the Marysville Park, on
next Thursday, the 3olh day of July. They
extend general invitation to the people
from far and near to meet with them and
and counsel for preservation of the Union and
the Constitution. A number Of distinguish
ed speakers will be present to address the
multitude.


We hope onr friends in lower Placer, will
turn out in strength to this great Democrat
ic festival, to speed the ball that is rolling to
a glorious victory, in September.
Year: 1863

A STRANGE CAREER.-A few days since the death
was announced in Eng land of Mr.. John Gully, at the
age OF eighty years The deceased gentleman CONNER ce


life butcher, bat turned his attention TO pugi
lsm and gained some reputation in the ring, which, hf-
ty years ago, something higher than it is at pre-
sent After beating several of the best OF his day.
and bearing vast amount of punishment with eAem-
pary ortude be refused any further ste encounters,
and became a book-maker and horse-traner. His
success, induced by his shrewdness, and above all,
by bis honorable dealing enabled him to invest large
ly in valuable horse flesh, and to purchase a
small estate. Then came the strapgest phase OF all.
The exhucher, ,pugst, horsetrainer, and betting man,
became member of the British House Of Commons,
and though it is no compliment to him to say he did
not disgrace his antecedents which were certainly none
of the most hopeful for legislator, it is much to his
credit that in on assembly OF gentlemen he had many
friends and enemies. Upon retiring from parliament
tary e he devoted his time to the care OF bis proper
ty but 10 the last taking interest in sporting mat
tiers. He was remarkable instance OF how strong
common sense and sterling honesty will enable man to
rise to an independent position from the lowest ranks
of life.
Year: 1863

into the eear As be crossed the passage the music
struck up lively tune snmmonisg 10 the dlnca The
MOOR over MIN trembling u dr. the stens OF the
party before him the gmuer OF the candle resting
IN the gunpo"der-i's wick long and bending over
bis kne were shaken and his hand trembling but
With bis two hands followed he took up the candle
none G the sparks fell be o. the cellar-aud
leli Into sWonn, from which he woke in derious
state. Several weeks elarsd Def he could attend to
his mercantile business again.A But he had offended to
weghter business during bis Illness he had determined
to engage III no pursuit which might not be safe Tor his
soul II there were just beneath him barrel of gun
powder with lighted candle in it From Mc Gc.1.n
Year: 1863

A wealthy merchant, known to have been great
advocate ter parties of pleasure even to an advanced
period of life, had go entirely altered that ne even mani
tested horror at every mention of ball and bis
change was traced back to day which great ses-
tivity took place in his own house, at daughters we'd
ding lie gave the following account oil the circum-
stance which then occurred.


He had left the merry party for miuut, to give
some directions to the domestics when he met woman
who had been engaged to help for that day only with
lighted candle in her band without any candestick-at
which he exclaimed, What q sloyeny way is this !"
but did not stop her; he accomplished what had taken
him from the company and was Fastening back 10 me
ball room, when be met the same woman again carry
ing bottles iu both her hands, but without the candle
In an instant be perceived she bad been in @e cellar
and be recolected that barrel of gunpowder deposited
there had been opened that very evening for purcba
SER aud in huyfor preparation for the feast it might
not have been secured He was scarcely able 70 utter;


Where have you left your candle p and received for
an answer "Oh, just stuck it in the black sand
there below in that barrel"


The merchant gathered up all his strength to hurry
Year: 1863

STRANGE SoNYANBULIsM.-A matter offac,,
unconscious Scotchman opens his autobiogra.
ply in an English periodical in the following
wosds:


q am not 10 the slightest degree Of an i'm
aginative turn Of mind farm my own land
l am church warden of our parish fifty years
Of age. and weigh one hundred and eighty FIVE
pounds Ny memory is far from good. There
has been no instance of somnambulism 10 our
family, except during the last Oxford vacation,
when my eldest boy was observed By his moth
er walking sound asleep. but with his eyes
open towards the maid servants room He
had apparently not gone to bed, but must have
fallen asleep with his clothes 90. Ga my wiie's
getting new maid, there was no recurrence OF
Frederiick's complaint; SO it would not be fair
to consider that solitary instance proof that
such tendency is in the family.
Year: 1863

A STRAw-PAPER MILL.-Within half at.
hours ride of Poughkeepsie, there formerly
stood an old tumbledown rookery which had
been used for cotton MILL Recently it has
been braced up and patched and filed with
machinery for the manufacturing of straw pa
per. Notwithstanding the forbiddiDg exterior
Of this structure, the interior is well worth
visit. Rye straw is pressed in sheaves through
one door, and taken out in the form of paper
at the other. Great machines are employed to
cut and crush and grind the straw. Immense
kettles are used to boil the material, after which
it is beached and put through various process
es. until it becomes good, white, flexible print
ing paper. The paper on which the Tribune
almanac is printed was made here. The profit
on straw paper must be enormous. In differ
ent parts Of the country there are many similar
mills in operation, and before long there can be
no doubt that they will drive dear rag paper
out of the market New York Tribune.