texts: Excuse me, counter salesmen, excuse me. I have a problem with the counter that I got from you. I bought one of your hard counters, 'cause, you know, a soft counter sounds like it would break. But my mom just touched it and she died. She vaporized on her birthday. It was too hard. She left behind a pile of dust and some shoes.
labels: That was not a vaporization. That was spontaneous human combustion. Not covered by our warranty.