texts: I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet seat at a Truck stop and caught hemorrhoids. And i've learned to live with this chicken Bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years, so I knew Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction.  Dad, I don't wanna upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. It can only mean one thing.  Cancer.  I'm dying.
labels: O.K. Sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise out of the fridge.