texts: I don't know of any delicate way to say this, lieutenant, so I won't try.  Claims have been made that you have engaged in fraternization -- of the same-sex variety.  Specifically, that you were...  "... seen leaving the apartment of another female officer at such a time and in such a manner as to suggest conduct unbecoming."
labels: Sir, if someone is suggesting that I'm a lesbian, they're wrong.