EDIT: Sorry I had to hang up the modem. I'm not done yet but I must hang up again. BRB.

0.

Doubtlessly you are unsurprised the I live in my mother's basement; I am unable to convince Mom to permit me to install a cable modem with my own money because she is completely convinced that would result in her never receiving email from anyone ever again.

Don't Even Get Me Started.

I will cop to the fact that I regard my mother as a Worthy Opponent: I conceded our Chess Game over a year ago. To the extent she does not set fire to her own home Mom can do any damnfool ignorant ill-advised thing she pleases.

I.

I apologize I should have been more clear. Among my worst faults as a writer is that quite commonly I totally lose my reader. That often happen when I speak to people in real life, even those who know me quite well such as my mother.

Most would be offended by your response to my post but I regard it as beholden upon me to make myself lucidly clear.

II.

That others don't follow my own arguments often leads to my arrest, spending up to six months in the slammer only to have my case dismissed, my skull being repeatedly slammed onto concrete by the Oregon Health & Sciences University campus police, being admitted involuntarily to the Northern Nevada Psychiatric Center because I told a shrink that I intended to go camping in the desert - this despite that I had just returned from camping in the desert - and being four-cornered to a bed in California's Atascadero State Hospital because I pointed out a psychiatric nurse that she had just stolen an item of my personal property as well as being repeatedly stunned by Clark County, Washington Deputy Prather because I politely request he arrested me for my completely nonviolent act of civil disobedience:

Don't Tase Me Bro!
Or,
Jonathan Swift Goes To Jail

http://www.warplife.com/jonathan-swift/books/software-proble...

Prather's panic-stricken behavior led me to believe he murder me in cold blood when I made plain that I would give my life rather than step off that bus:

The Anthropic Principle applies because Deputy Kerr observed that when he bent my arm backwards, rather than complying or crying out in pain I commenced Shambhala Buddhist meditation:

Barbecued Monk

http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/pb-1...

I stepped off the bus then held my hands behind me when Deputy Kerr said "You are under arrest". On our way to the jail in downtown Vancouver I pointed out that he didn't need to waste his limited time by transporting me in his patrol car as I would happily walk to the jail on my own despite being handcuffed.

Kerr was down with that but hilarity ensued when the prosecuting attorney and supervised release officer got wind of me.

tl;dr: "If you can have him evaluated tomorrow defendant's position is that you could have had him evaluated two weeks ago. He is to be released not after five o'clock today."

The supervised release officer thought he could monkeywrench Judge Stahnke's Evil Plan by entering "not before 5:00" in the computer so the County Designated Mental Health Practitioner could evaluate me just after my hearing as he "could have had" me "evaluated to weeks" before. The DMHP and I had a grand old time, the release room Deputy served me supper as I waited, he and I got along real swell.

Then my assistant prosecuting attorney quite desperately requested I agree to his petition to dismiss my case. I expect that's because he finally got around to asking VPD Corporal Greg Zimmerman (Badge Number 1422) just why I threatened to beat him to death with my bare hands.

That's quite a serious criminal offense but then so was Corporal Zimmerman's angry, adamant refusal to take my report of my having witnessed the machine gun execution of a drug kingpin's informant.

The two OSHU officers who damn near lobotomized me went on to file a false police report, leading to my arrest when someone complained that I was singing the Star Spangled Banner to a profoundly disabled man about the MAX Red Line, my spending sixty days in the slammer only to be released for want of a speedy trial, my never obtaining speedy trial because I devoted sixteen months to fighting for my right to act Pro Per - speaking for myself in court without anyone else's help - eventually to compromise by acting Pro Se at the urging of Multnomah County Superior Court Judge Angel Lopez - "If you act Pro Per you won't know when to object" - then the District Attorney petitioned to dismiss.

The DA didn't explain but I expect he moved for dismissal because someone finally lifted a finger to interview a witness. If the OHSU police can enter the meaty chunks of their uniforms into evidence, why can't they enter the security camera videos as well?

Immediately upon regaining consciousness I demanded that those videos be impounded for use in my Federal civil rights complaint, thereby binding OHSU laws regarding Spoliation of Evidence. While destruction of evidence in a civil procedure is not a criminal offense it leads the presiding judge to issue Spoliation Instructions to the jury. If OHSU doesn't cough up those videos then they are out two million dollars.

I haven't filed my complaint because what I really want is for OHSU to install toilets and drinking water fountains in each of its Medieval oubliettes. But I will file soon as they have yet to comply with binding Supreme Court precedent.

III.

When some computer programmers slack on the job their users find ways to add as much money as they like to their Sim City's operating budget. It got really old that all my friends kept asking me to do that for their Sim Cities back in the day.

Not commonly but I have delivered to specification for applications in which were I to screw up on the job someone would die.

Maybe lots of people.

Quite commonly were I to screw up on the job your Bank would cast your Dell equity into a volcano.

IV.

When I observe my coworkers, our managers, our executives or our Directors screwing up on the job I really do endeavour to work within the system to set them straight.

My failure to do so would not merely cost our users a great deal of money but would do them irreparable damage such as erasing data that our users neglected to back up.

Drop "Dark Side of Drobo" into the search engine of your choice. I cannot say more as I am bound by my nondisclosure agreement. Despite that I enjoy smashing the state I have never once violated a contract in any way.

My concerns with Brian Lazara were purely professional, as were my concerns with my employer in San Luis Obispo back in 2012. I bear them no ill will whatsoever as individual.

I will not speak ill of Brian Lazara as he perished in quite a tragic traffic accident.

I will not speak ill of my employer in San Luis Obispo because I understand why alcoholics are the way they are.

I recommend Psychiatrist Eric Berne's "Games People Play" as well as Elliot Aronson's "The Social Animal".

When I am unable to convince my professional colleagues to comply with engineering ethics such as practiced by Canada's Order of the Ring, my only hope of serving my employer, its investors, our users and the public is to resign in protest.

My protest resignation letters are always polite and thoughtful; I am not always explicit as to the nature of their ethical lapse, as when I walked out on Trihedral Engineering of Nova Scotia: I left at end of day on a Friday then emailed my resignation on Monday, never to return. While I posted my resignation in my Kuro5hin Diary that resignation, while strictly speaking factually correct, did not give the reason I left.

This because Trihedral's HMI/SCADA product - industrial control systems, hardware and software - is a crucial component of the industrialized world's economy. VTS - now VTScada - is also human-life critical; were I to have stated explicitly what my concerns anyone with the most basic understanding of computers could make a large industrial facility detonate like a bunker buster bomb from the comfort of their own home.

This eventually led to some clueless newbie of a cub reporter to libel me with:

Startup Weekend entrepreneurial event on alert after man threatens explosions, guns

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2012/04/startup...

I readily agree that those who make death threats should do time behind bars, but Molly Young failed to clue into that I was not arrested despite that she herself, uh, "reported":

Officers contacted the man, who might have
had mental health issues

"might"? How could I possibly have been more clear?

"There's no criminal act based on what the officer
learned from talking to the people..."

Had I threatened anyone with anything the Portland Police Bureau would not have dropped me a dime on my way home, they would have stepped into the MAX Yellow Line car I was riding, cuffed me then read me my rights.

The officer who "contacted the man" had already read my tweets as she was pissing herself laughing but even so I advised her to read all of them from bottom to top, then asked for the case number so I could obtain the police reports and audio recordings for my slander lawsuit against the Startup Weekend corporation.

I do not yet know but the useless bint who wrote that alleged article may have confused me with one of several other Michael David Crawfords who are or were registered sex offenders. "Were" because one of my evil twins got the idea in his head to duct tape some metal plates to a motorcycle helmet, steal a car, lead the Lakewood Police on a high-speed chase, crash the car then open fire on the cops.

I don't know how he and I are related but there is a place in Scotland where everyone is named Crawford; we once had a family castle but an irate tenant farmer detonated it like a bunker buster bomb.

I expect he had some good reason for the duct tape and ill but history will never know.

You worry about what I write.

I worry about that his mugshot shows up with my own photos at Google. If you don't look too close he and I somewhat resemble each other.

Just now I learned from The Columbian - The Vancouver rag - that I may instead file a complaint under the Federal Racketeer-Influenced and Corrupt Organization Act. While RICO is most often used for criminal prosecutions, private citizens have standing to sue in civil court.

I'll explain later why I can file a RICO complaint. I need to fix me some lunch.