Fundamentally, your website doesn't remind me of any problems I need solved, and that's why I don't know if I want it. Check out Slack's promo video. The first half of it is talking about the catastrophe that is collaboration these days. The reason that's great is because people who have this problem have already told themselves the first part of the story about their own organization. When the team is talking about how much of a clusterfuck their communication is, potential users are nodding along and saying "Yeah man, that's what my life is like right now", and then - surprise! - Slack is the answer for them, which means maybe it's the answer for you too.

Whenever I see anyone making a pitch I recommend this talk to them: http://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspi...

The basic idea is pitch to people's emotions, and not their logic. For example, this paragraph is awful:

> With OpenLoopz, you don't have to worry about the implications of sharing your data with us. You can download your own dedicated OpenLoopz Server called a Pod. If you wish, you can either download and configure your own Pod or you can let us do all the hard work for you. Either way, once your Pod is set-up, you will have complete control over where your data is stored and who can access it.

Blah blah blah. It kind of goes back and forth. It explains this feature, but it doesn't pitch it. It also positions 'sharing data with us' as something 'to worry about', which is not an implication you want. I'd write something like this, personally (but I'm awful at this):

"Your data is important to you, and we get that. Whether for compliance, privacy, or retention, if you need your data stored in-house we can help. Set up your own Loopz on-premesis, or we can do it for you, and you'll have complete control over where your data is stored and who can access it."

It dispenses with the wishy-washy "Hey, you could do this. Or not. But whatever, anyway, here's a thing." language and gets to the point.

Likewise:

> OpenLoopz seamlessly integrates with all your favourite apps. Are you a software developer who wants GitHub code commits to appear in your conversation or project as you work? Maybe you are a manager looking to keep all your personal and professional appointments/tasks in one place? With integrations you can truly keep all your data in one place, including data from external apps!

"You use a lot of services, and checking them all is a pain. OpenLoopz can integrate with other services to bring all that data into one place, saving you time and simplifying the flow of information. Github commits for developers, <some kind of task management system e.g. Asana> milestones for project managers, and <specific calendaring service, e.g. Google Calendar> events for management, all in one place so you never have to miss a thing - or repeat yourself twice."

The main difference here is that your pitch starts out with "Hey, integrate your stuff", whereas my (kind of bad) one mentions a specific pain point and then goes on to solve it.

Then you can have a specific page that goes into detail. Tell me what integrations are already available, and how I can build my own. Tell me what I have to do to host my own service (is it an app? a VM? a docker container?), and what it does (can it integrate with my LDAP/AD/Kerberos/CSV file database?), but leave the technical aspects out of your first pitch.

So yeah, that's my input, for what it's worth. Maybe it'll be useful.