here is a copy paste(formatting will probably get screwed up, so make sure to scroll to the left if the sentence ends midword)

The following is a short list of excuses cut and paste from emails a freelance web developer my company used for over 2 years sent me. 2.5 years and the website was still non-functioning and incomplete. He was working with the company when I was hired and it took me that long to convince my boss to fire him, and allow me to take over.(after which I had a completed site launched within 4 months, and i still get paid half of what he did) The list of excuses was a final blow that helped me get my point across to my boss. enjoy

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"This weekend I had an unexpected death in the family.. the funeral was yesterday. I will get on it Shortly"
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"It's been hectic, my uncle past away in my grandma's house Sunday with a massive heart attack in his chair..."
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"My laptop processer decided to Burn out on me last week, so I had to go thru the trouble of getting another laptop Configuring everything from scratch and moving all my data over… so that why I didn’t get a chance To work on the site.."
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"I would have been done, but Monday and Tuesday I was real sick and sun burnt On top of slicing my hand open chucking wood upstate NY on Sunday then having to get a tetanus shot in the emergency room, which sucked bad…"
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"I was mad sick this weekend, but I made some progress today on the admin.."
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"Besides my jaw killing me, due to 3 dental implants I got put in Friday...."
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"I have been very busy building out a hosting platform for a company and this is why I was booked this week. I was hoping to get these items done during the weekend and I am well aware of the list and a few other things, but thank you for the reminder...."
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"I will get moving on your stuff shortly, I have had a hectic week"
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"Today's my B-Day, so I'm trying to kick back and forget about the world as much As I can.... I will be spending time with fam and friends tonight, so I can't promise you Any work tonight .. but I will call you this afternoon and well get stuff sorted Out"
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"Sorry, I didn’t get time to work on the site tonight, I forgot I was invited to my good friends birthday party. I will have something for you Tomorrow as far as the homepage."
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"I had to put my 14 yr old dog to sleep on wed so I've been kind of miserable.. I needed a day to chill.. I'll send you a log with the current stuff. Talk Monday."
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"This is the last day I have to run around like a gravy covered cat in a dog pound!"
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"I have to cancel our meeting today and wait till Monday… One of my servers went down and I have to fix this"
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"This is Rich, I just got back from vacation and got your message. I will give you a yell tomorrow as I’m am still getting settled in"
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"Sorry to drag this on longer than expected, I had in plain English A screwed up week. I got into an accident last week so I had to have my car fixed.. So I had no car, then me and my girl got in a huge Fight to breakup… so I didn’t have her car, then I finally got my car back Yesterday from the body shop but I had to take my cousin to a doctor in Brooklyn, cause he had another apses, the doctor recommended we take him to Coney island hospital and we didn’t get out Till 5AM in the morning last night, 11 hrs of waiting… horrible"
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"I will work on the issues as of tonight, I've had a busy schedule and I planed the work for this evening. Sorry for the wait, I will look into the category issue 1st thing. Ok"
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"I have had a family emergency this week and it’s been a little hard on my schedule. I plan to start the next steps, this weekend or early next week, call me if you have questions."
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"Today is bad for me, I have to do a lot of running around, I have a weeding rehearsal I have to go to tonight, so I gotta Pick up the tux, haircut etc... My good friend is getting married this weekend. Ill contact you first thing Monday.."