This is a great and brave article. I'm a white male. As a young child I grew up in a poorer city apartment complex and most of the time, of all the children there I'd be 1 or 2 of 30 or 40 kids who was white or a native English speaker. I can't say I was ever a "minority" there, because everybody was a minority there. Looking back, I'm amazed that we were ever able to organize any games to play because so few of us all spoke the same language.

Perhaps due to this, I always felt most comfortable in that kind of ultra-diverse environment. When I was older my family moved to a very rural, very white area, and I never quite got comfortable with it. These days, when I visit one of the ultra-diverse North-East American cities, D.C., Philly, NYC, or even London, I can almost feel my inner self relaxing. Even though my take on it is different, in that sense I understand the author's feelings about Oakland, you feel most relaxed in the environment you grew up in.

Still, diversity is quite hard. In my professional life I've tried to adopt a policy that's a little different than many diversity programs. Many programs want you to be "diversity-blind", meaning you strive to have a mix of people from different backgrounds, but then you ignore that difference. I fundamentally disagree with this. I think you should strive for diverse backgrounds, but then recognize and celebrate people's differences. Respect them for who they are and where they come from.

I know that this is difficult to do sometimes for a couple reasons:

a) some people may be doing what the author was doing and desperately trying to fit in, recognizing that they are different runs counter to their effort

b) we come into this with lots of our own perceived biases and stereotypes which can color the way we're trying to recognize people's differences

I think that a) is the biggest problem we need to overcome as a society. Of course there's a measure of "fitting" in to any group dynamic that an individual has to do, but when the balance swings too far in the group's favor, that individual loses their own uniqueness and their own identity and like the article discusses, it's ultimately stressful and damaging to that person.

b) is also a problem, and despite growing up in a pluralistic childhood environment, I still have my own biases and stereotypes that I bring into a relationship with anybody. For example, though I grew up in an immigrant heavy neighborhood, I never met and know somebody from South Asia (India, Pakistan, etc.) until I was well into high school. I have a personally broken model about people from these places that I'm working to improve.

Still, I think the effort of overcoming these kinds of biases makes us better people in the end, and makes a better environment for our co-workers and friends. We can recognize people for who they are and what they can bring to the table both as an individual, and as a representative of the group and culture they feel they're naturally part of.

Some anecdotes I chew on that have stuck with me:

- An old coworker, white, male, grew up in a military town and hung around with the self-described hip-hop crowd, his wife is East Asian, feels like he's understanding and sympathetic on diversity. I overheard him telling a black coworker that he feels that there's really no more racism in the U.S. and that any perceived racism is brought onto people by themselves. My black co-worker tolled him that just the day before he and his brother were driving around town, at the speed limit (he's a careful driver) and were pulled over and searched for drugs with no probable cause. He called it "driving while black".

- My wife is Korean, at a company she used to work at, she started coming under aggressive sexism and racism from a new CTO. She fought back against it (and became deeply, deeply depressed through the battle until she quit the job). At one point, with HR present, the CTO said "I'm surprised you're this upset about things, I thought Asian women were more demure and subservient."

- Another old co-worker, black, pointed out to my work group one day that he's immensely proud of hip-hop and other black music and culture because of the oversized impact it's had on American culture. His statement has caused me to reevaluate and rethink and see many culturely American things through this lens.