>I run a business. In theory I have 100% time. In practice, I still have to choose to do grunt work 80% of the time (or more) if I want my business to succeed. You can redefine and reshuffle the numbers, but ultimately the work that needs to get done needs to get done.

I've found that while running a business, I have to do a whole lot more of the unpleasant stuff than when I was working for other people. I mean, some of this is 'scope creep' that results from me making decisions when I'm not depressed (the not-depressed me? I fucking hate that guy. Always giving me more bullshit work to do. "Oh yeah, that will be easy." Fuck you, smiley.[1])

I have optimized my core business to minimize time and energy spent in negotiation- something I really, really hate. But I keep getting this notion that I can disrupt other related industries by taking the negotiation out of them for my customers. I mean, co-location is ridiculously inefficient. Like we're talking at least 10% loss to negotiation (on a relatively low-margin service, you are doing really well if you can get 20% margin on your co-location without owning the goddamn building, so 10% is like half your actual profit)[2] So yeah, a lot of this is me making bad decisions and needing to follow through on those bad decisions. Have you ever walked from a full-time job because your boss made a series of bad decisions that made you do a bunch of unpleasant work? Yeah. I have, more than once.[3] Turns out? when you are the boss? this walking becomes much harder. Also, it turns out that your boss wasn't just and idiot. those decisions are way harder than they look.

But, even without the bad decisions, there's just a lot of bullshit you have to deal with. So much bullshit. Bullshit that as an individual contributor, you can just ignore. I mean, you can attempt to hire it out, but "Even telling other people to make things is exhausting;" It is seriously difficult to hire outside your field[4] - hell, it's difficult to hire within your field; now try doing the same thing in an environment where you don't even know what competence is shaped like.

It's good to see this end of it, I think; I know that I've had fights with my employees that could have been the exact mirror of me fighting with my boss when I was younger. Things look different from the other side.

But yeah. I am not at all sure that I am 'more free' now. As an overpaid individual contributor, well, if I didn't like it? I could quit and fuck off for 6 months on my personal projects[2]. As a business owner? yeah. not happening. Sure, you occasionally have opportunities to sell, but companies are bought, not sold, and generally speaking, the offers come when the business is going well and you are enthusiastic. During the hard times? yeah, the options are to force march onward, or to give up and deal with corporate (and probably personal) bankruptcy and a whole bunch of people being angry at you.

Running a business that other people depend on? it's a much bigger commitment, I think, than just working for other people. I mean, I'm not saying it's up there with having children.... (how the fuck do parents run companies? I... do not understand how that is even possible.) but it's still a lot of freedom-constraining responsibility.

[1]If it's not obvious, I'm coming out of a period of depression right now. This is, generally, when I get the most productive work done; I'm not so optimistic as to be a fucking moron, but I also don't have to struggle quite to hard to, you know, answer the fucking phone. I'm telling you; fear isn't the mind-killer; it's confidence. Every time I fuck myself it can be traced back to being too optimistic. "Sure, that's easy!" fuck that guy.

[2]Huge mistake. I hate negotiation, why would I want to do it for other people? So yeah, I'm in the process of trying to peel off my co-location and similar businesses and fold them into a partnership with someone who can handle negotiation, without disrupting service. (Of course, you never completely get away from negotiation. Now I've gotta negotiate with this guy. But eh, we will see.) I'm keeping my core businesses, the VPS market requires relatively little negotiation.

[3]that's how I got into this mess in the first place.

[4]I have an accountant that I think is excellent, but she's also the highest paid person at the company, by quite a lot. Worth it, I think, because that's the most likely way for me to get debt that won't go away with bankruptcy. Do not fuck with the IRS. Doing your own taxes? one of those 'fuck it up and you are in debt for life' bad ideas. Thing is, she's the closest thing we have to a businessperson, so I ask for help on a bunch of stuff that isn't really in her specialty, but I don't have, you know, a HR specialist, either.