God says...

6:11 And in it have I put the ark, wherein is the covenant of the
LORD, that he made with the children of Israel.

6:12 And he stood before the altar of the LORD in the presence of all
the congregation of Israel, and spread forth his hands: 6:13 For
Solomon had made a brasen scaffold of five cubits long, and five
cubits broad, and three cubits high, and had set it in the midst of
the court: and upon it he stood, and kneeled down upon his knees
before all the congregation of Israel, and spread forth his hands
toward heaven.

6:14 And said, O LORD God of Israel, there is no God like thee in the
heaven, nor in the earth; which keepest covenant, and shewest mercy
unto thy servants, that walk before thee with all their hearts: 6:15
Thou which hast kept with thy servant David my father that which thou
hast promised him; and spakest with thy mouth, and hast fulfilled it
with thine hand, as it is this day.

----

I laugh at Biblical scholars. Remember the movie, Pi, God?

Did You like that movie?

God says...

5:7 The watchmen that went about the city found me, they smote me,
they wounded me; the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me.

5:8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if ye find my beloved,
that ye tell him, that I am sick of love.

5:9 What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest
among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou
dost so charge us? 5:10 My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest
among ten thousand.

5:11 His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black
as a raven.

5:12 His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed
with milk, and fitly set.

----

God's favorite animals are bears, then elephants... not that animals are extremely important. (I didn't want to raise their importants as though God was interested in animals--it's my doing, just our special thing to talk about.)

You like fish, God? What's Yer favoite fish? Dead--the kind we eat?

God says...

of Elon the Hittite, and Aholibamah the daughter of Anah the daughter
of Zibeon the Hivite; 36:3 And Bashemath Ishmael's daughter, sister of
Nebajoth.

36:4 And Adah bare to Esau Eliphaz; and Bashemath bare Reuel; 36:5 And
Aholibamah bare Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah: these are the sons of
Esau, which were born unto him in the land of Canaan.

36:6 And Esau took his wives, and his sons, and his daughters, and all
the persons of his house, and his cattle, and all his beasts, and all
his substance, which he had got in the land of Canaan; and went into
the country from the face of his brother Jacob.

36:7 For their riches were more than that they might dwell together;
and the land wherein they were strangers could not bear them because
of their cattle.

36:8 Thus dwelt Esau in mount Seir: Esau is Edom.

----

Bears might have family inheritances and major drama over land, huh. They mark their territory, huh.

God says...
acceptable forsook justice suppressed resisting tower AD
pay benediction evolution angered lover copy answered
torment vouchsafed sufficeth deadly IS intercession discussion
Proconsul * 501 unknowingly bright divine likeness nature
him Vatican_City bringeth fairly service_sector gross
steer bitterly Oh doubtless despairing lures Time demander
unadorned consolation confessed fairer Eat teaching Hide
courteously answerably Enricher inwardly seducing viper
orbs wide gave bewail negligence consuming lilies *This
listen_buddy Both disclaims uninjurable hugging creatures-
emblem well-ordering Rejoiceth Wales extolled plainer
goads Know flung relative reckoned quest abuse others
soul's challenged Homer's youre_welcome reform forethought
Are health Babylon esteemed I_am_not_amused empire shakes
compact recently see evincing summit twenty recognises
ludicrous denieth bad_ol_puddytat allege contrite exports
never-failing fault shapes assume SAINT atrociously cogitated
sickness 'may prescripts shrink wretchedness rashly pourest
scornfully diligent fatherly feelings turbulent religion
enough_said items forgiving maturing addition Grammar
loquacity enmities reference Paul

----

Whatchu gonna due to the Brits, God?

God says...

her naked, and set her as in the day that she was born, and make her
as a wilderness, and set her like a dry land, and slay her with
thirst.

2:4 And I will not have mercy upon her children; for they be the
children of whoredoms.

2:5 For their mother hath played the harlot: she that conceived them
hath done shamefully: for she said, I will go after my lovers, that
give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, mine oil and my
drink.

2:6 Therefore, behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a
wall, that she shall not find her paths.

2:7 And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake
them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: then shall she
say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better
with me than now.

----

You think MI6 and Obama did Boston bombs?

God says...
talkers arisen place firmness crucifixion Soft whomever
happier utterance dawned correction attuned deliverest
Bolivia small savoury advised strengthless meddling estimate
eunuchs knowledge is_it_just_me_or physical punishable
formedst aforetime you_see_the_light woman interpreted
action wondrously exhibited steep note bottom expenses
sentence when Algeria indicated whatcha_talkin'_'bout
hours main achieve inner Upon universally piecemeal gradually
dares whichsoever resistest indited whazza_matter_for_you
affairs endeavoured silversmiths' kick_back reckon moral

----

How come I get med reactions? Do my parents slip me drugs?
Evil shrink? CIA? Hate the CIA--fucked up computers.

God says...

4:13 For, lo, he that formeth the mountains, and createth the wind,
and declareth unto man what is his thought, that maketh the morning
darkness, and treadeth upon the high places of the earth, The LORD,
The God of hosts, is his name.

5:1 Hear ye this word which I take up against you, even a lamentation,
O house of Israel.

5:2 The virgin of Israel is fallen; she shall no more rise: she is
forsaken upon her land; there is none to raise her up.

5:3 For thus saith the Lord GOD; The city that went out by a thousand
shall leave an hundred, and that which went forth by an hundred shall
leave ten, to the house of Israel.

5:4 For thus saith the LORD unto the house of Israel, Seek ye me, and
ye shall live: 5:5 But seek not Bethel, nor enter into Gilgal, and
pass not to Beersheba: for Gilgal shall surely go into captivity, and
Bethel shall come to nought.

----

God says...

the brooks of Gaash, Abiel the Arbathite, 11:33 Azmaveth the
Baharumite, Eliahba the Shaalbonite, 11:34 The sons of Hashem the
Gizonite, Jonathan the son of Shage the Hararite, 11:35 Ahiam the son
of Sacar the Hararite, Eliphal the son of Ur, 11:36 Hepher the
Mecherathite, Ahijah the Pelonite, 11:37 Hezro the Carmelite, Naarai
the son of Ezbai, 11:38 Joel the brother of Nathan, Mibhar the son of
Haggeri, 11:39 Zelek the Ammonite, Naharai the Berothite, the
armourbearer of Joab the son of Zeruiah, 11:40 Ira the Ithrite, Gareb
the Ithrite, 11:41 Uriah the Hittite, Zabad the son of Ahlai, 11:42
Adina the son of Shiza the Reubenite, a captain of the Reubenites, and
thirty with him, 11:43 Hanan the son of Maachah, and Joshaphat the
Mithnite, 11:44 Uzzia the Ashterathite, Shama and Jehiel the sons of
Hothan the Aroerite, 11:45 Jediael the son of Shimri, and Joha his
brother, the Tizite, 11:46 Eliel the Mahavite, and Jeribai, and
Joshaviah, the sons of Elnaam, and Ithmah the Moabite, 11:47 Eliel,
and Obed, and Jasiel the Mesobaite.