Re the logical progression: I imagine I could say a lot more about it. I spent time in therapy. I spent a lot of time reading, journaling, contemplating sexual morality and the like. So there is certainly a rich background that informed my thought process. But I laid out my logic as best I could concerning what I actually thought in concluding that emphasizing consent was the single strongest and most civilized measure I could take. Without going back to reread it, I will add that I may not have touched on this: I also did not leave my children with sitters they did not like. Even as babies, if they disliked someone, I made other arrangements.

As for adult women: Violent assault out of nowhere with no warning is incredibly rare. The vast majority of rapes (and child molestation) start with disrespecting social boundaries and escalate. It is almost always someone you know who has opportunity to worm their way inside your defenses and has spent some time doing so. Women are generally raped by "friends", relatives, coworkers, dates and other members of their social circle. Being randomly assaulted by a stranger is the exception. As an adult, I have never faced imminent violent assault of that sort, though I have routinely faced social situations wherein some man was pretty clearly up to no good. I have a track record of not allowing them to escalate. If you don't allow the escalation, it gets pretty darn hard to take advantage of someone.

Please remember that the definition of rape hinges on the detail of consent. Most rapes do not involve significant violence. A lot of rapes boil down to tragic misunderstanding. I am pretty darn confident that most men who would be okay with manipulating and maneuvering me and cavalier about whether or not I really wanted sex would absolutely not resort to violent assault if I simply refuse to engage them in their sick little game. I am confident of it in part because I have a long history of doing exactly that. I have been met with anger, frustration, shame, and other strong negative emotions. But I have not been violently assaulted and brutally raped for refusing to go along with their plans to have me, like it or not.

As for physical defense, it is possible I am somewhat biased about not needing any particular preparation due in part to my "cultural" background, for lack of a better word. I had a knife collection as a child. My father was a career soldier who grew up on a farm. There were guns on the wall and I knew how to use them. My ex was a career soldier. He took martial arts, had a knife collection, and owned a couple of swords (a real katana and a wooden practice katana). I am 5'8" tall and athletically inclined. My oldest son tells me he has watched me face down a threatening group of three or four men and my subconscious response was to position myself to be able to grab the nearest impromptu weapon should it escalate. Having been slapped around by a drug addicted relative, I have some firsthand familiarity with violence. I am aware I will fight back when faced with such.

Still, I was not taught to shoot on the idea that I might need to kill a rapist. I find that a somewhat horrifying message to give a young woman. Yes, other people can be dangerous. But that is true of both men and women and it is not particular to sexual situations. Suggesting that it is sounds pretty emotionally poisonous to me. (Which may not be at all what the OP is doing. I am trying to answer your question, not slander him.) Having good boundaries is a generally more useful and better solution than being prepared for the worst. Preparing for the worst can be self fulfilling prophecy.

My experience is that victimizers are not just bad people. They are also victims of a social paradigm which gives them no other viable choice. Having been trained to be a professional victim and then retrained myself, I am clear that part of the problem is that we teach women to be prey. If you run from a bear or wolf, it will chase you. Your flight incites its predatory chase instinct. Backing away slowly is a much better plan. You are much less likely to get mauled. That same general principal applies when dealing with another potentially predatory animal: Humankind.

I do not believe that overemphasizing a need to be prepared to physically assault another person is a means to teach women to not behave as prey in relation to men. I think it mostly reinforces the mental model that women are, in fact, prey. It strikes me as counterproductive to frame it that way. Again: I learned to shoot as a child. I was a damn good shot at one time. I was aware that my father viewed the guns on the wall as a potential means of defense if someone invaded our home. But they were also tools by which food was put on the table. He hunted. I grew up eating squirrel and deer. So my exposure to guns was not a strong message that the point was to shoot other people. For one thing, I was taught to shoot in part as a gun safety issue. It was part of teaching me guns are not toys and you do not play with them.

So I don't have any problem whatsoever with teaching children to shoot or enrolling them in martial arts. But I am very leery of doing so with some implicit or explicit message that it is something a girl needs to know "to deal with rapists". The main thing a girl needs to know is how to insist a man treat her with respect. That will protect her far better and in far more situations than being a good shot. Violence is not the best antidote to violence. Respect is overall a better antidote. It is more likely to actually prevent violence rather than merely invert who got hurt.

Since you mentioned it, I will suggest you are putting your children at grave risk to view protecting their sexuality as an issue for their teen years. I was molested as a toddler and again from age 11 to 13.5. I did not get my period until I was nearly 17. My lack of sexual maturity did not prevent me from being raped at age 12. If you are worried about predators, your daughters' sexual maturation is not that relevant to the problem. Teach them now that they have a right to say "no" to unwanted affection -- to anyone, you included, with zero need to justify it. Be prepared to back their decision if someone else will not take "no" for an answer from them. Tell them that is the policy -- that it is their choice and they can call on you to back them if necessary.

Thank you very much for asking.