Honestly, and this is coming from somebody who understands the way you feel. You really shouldnt give up on the medication. Rather you should experiment with the different kind of medications and setting yourself up on a routine that works.

For instance mixed amphetamine salts (sounds like you were on adderall,), works for some people, while methylphenidate (ritalin) works much better. Then there is straterra which works for people where the other two failed. Another thing you should take into consideration is that there is a HUGE difference between Dexedrine and the typical generic amphetamine pills you would get at Walmart for example. (pure Amphetamine-D isomer, vs the mixed salt combo of Amphetmine-D and Amphetamine-L)

What I take specifically is generic amphetamine mixed salt instant release 30 mg that I split up into 4 doses ~3 hours apart. That is for a 12 hour day of work. Then Im also prescribed sleeping pills for insomnia.

The thing is, if I dont break up my pills, or if I make a bad call and decide to pull an all nighter. I get anxiety, swollen lymph nodes, rashes, zombie effect, head aches, cotton mouth, sensitive teeth, ect. One of the main reasons this happens is because you dont properly stay hydrated and well fed.

You need to be strict about your body's needs if you expect to be able to provide for what this medication requires to be effective. You need to support living habits beyond the scope of what the medication provides so that that your brain itself has the chemicals necessary for the medication to be effective.

If your stop eating, drinking, exercising, sleeping while on this medication it will stop working effectively gradually more and more after awhile. A perfect example of this, is if you have ever taken 4 pills in a row, they dont provide the same effectiveness, as if you were to take each of those pills after a full night of sleep. Or if you wait 3 days, they are even more effective.

You have to find a routine that works for you, and you have to research into your disorder. Research into the drugs. When I met my psychiatrist and told him exactly all that I know about the drugs and the neurology behind it, he said he really wished all of his patients took the time to educate themselves on these type of issues like I did because it makes his job a million times easier to find therapies that actually work.

Deciding to forsake medication, or your psychiatrist suggesting its the only choice is wrong. No offense, but you could achieve much greater potential and stability in your life/relationships when you are properly medicated.

I am very productive without my medications, especially as a musician. I had my adhd as under control and manageable as you can get it. People couldnt tell I had adhd. But it is extremely uncomfortable living that way. Learning to live with adhd, without medication only puts walls in your way. This isnt really a debatable matter whether disorders like this should be treated depending on a case by case patient's experience, I highly recommend you dont give up on it because other unfortunate individuals like us, going through a similar experience like you did, might try to give up as well rather than try something new.

All I know, is that im about 8 days without my medication right now, and while I can still code, that doesn't change the feeling that I'm back in my mental cage.