I hate my middle school, and trying to understand it
(apologizes for my long commentary about my school)

I moved to America last year (August), so I expected it to be different from what I'm used to I was well still nervous but completely fine with that. - But the problem is, I really wasn't and middle school here in America is actually so frustrating.

How they deal with things here is of course completely different and was a little surprised, like how instead of books they use Chromebooks which I think can be useful at times and definitely more affordable for the school but makes the students SOO lazy, people can easily search up the answers and even use Chatgpt which is honestly sad and people don't even learn what they search up, they just write it down so they can have an answer. (find myself doing this as well sometimes, really disappointed in myself.)

Sometimes the students don't even do anything, I usually just see my classmates playing something in their chromebooks or using their phones to do whatever while in class, sometimes they even disrespect the teacher --

I'm used to respecting the older ones cause its a thing I was taught to do - and I understand that you don't always have to respect the elders cause adults can be absolutely mean and even neglectful to children. But in this case, they are teachers who are genuinely trying their best and the one I'm mostly going to talk about is my SS teacher (Social Studies). -

My SS teacher is genuinely so nice and I feel bad for her, she tries her best to teach but nobody listens. The class is always loud and chaotic and there's always at least someone screaming or yelling, she always tries to calm down the students but they progressively get even worse, every time SS teacher tries to displicine or tell them to stop, my certain classmates always will be annoyed (like they did nothing wrong) and sometimes even mocked her, I forgot where my SS teacher is from but she has a strong African accent so some certain students will make fun of her accent.

-And not all teachers are 'innocent' here, some are like rumored to be 'children-likers' aka pedos, which is pretty disgusting, I really hope the rumors aren't true.

Speaking of students disrespecting, bullying and making fun of each 'humor' is so normalized here, PLUS racism jokes, I have been called 'ching-chong' at times by some people, I'm used to it and I as well have been sometimes making fun of my own race - but it's getting really annoying lately.

I remember being actually happy to go to school here AT FIRST, but it's been exhausting and frustrating for me lately, and genuinely disappointed cause the friends I made - I do appreciate them but there's times when they can be insensitive to the teachers and even sometimes little bit mean to others - not in a joking way.

I understand why people can be like this - can be how they were raised, how they were influenced, how they were taught - I understand why.

I caught myself even trying to fit in a bit, but it really doesn't make me happy, people here try to act so non-chalant but at this point, it's like they trying to dehumanize themselves.

And I don't think they notice how they can be really toxic at times and even lacking empathy which is what makes us human.

Trying my best to not dehumanize myself, I don't want to fit into the toxic crowd - I know it's going to affect my mental health badly. Trying my best to be self-aware and not be a people pleaser which is really hard for me but I'm willing to do it, it's possible.

I just hope we grow up as something that isn't like our middle school selves.