> I talked to a PA about ADD a couple times, but dropped it because they seemed doubtful

Let me add some context to this that isn't obvious from the outside: There has been a massive surge in ADHD self-diagnosis in recent years, fueled largely by TikTok and other social media. During COVID it got so bad that there were even pill mills offering ADHD diagnoses via TikTok ads, and anyone who paid their fee was basically guaranteed a diagnosis after a short 5-minute video call.

This causes problems for many reasons, but one of the biggest is that people are arriving to doctors with a self-diagnosis to the exclusion of other conditions. It's the job of doctors to look at the whole picture and explore other explanations, which can feel insulting when someone has already arrived at a conclusion.

There's a growing problem where people who are actually suffering from depression, anxiety, or even physical conditions like sleep apnea are self-diagnosing as ADHD and then requesting stimulants from their doctors, which temporarily masks their underlying condition and makes everything worse.

I understand why you felt shame, but if there's one thing I can tell you it's this: You actually want a doctor who questions the diagnosis, doesn't rush to prescribe habit forming medications, and explores the big picture. Having someone concerned about your health as a whole is very valuable.

> (because you treat ADD and ADHD with a controlled substance).

There are actually several non-stimulant ADHD medications. They can work quite well, but they come with one caveat: They can take a long time to show their full effects. There are studies showing that the positive effects of Straterra (Atomoxetine) continue increasing even past the first 12 months.

Controlled substance stimulant medications have the opposite time course. People take them and feel them working immediately. Within hours. However, tolerance also starts accruing immediately and people will often feel like the medications aren't "working" after a while, when in reality they've just reached steady state.

> I went on phentermine for a few weeks, for weight loss, and my mind felt absolutely amazing on that medicine.

I have to warn you: All stimulant medications will produce false feelings of euphoria, motivation, and excitement when you first start taking them. These effects do not last. The brain will adjust to the medication over time and that "amazing" feeling will disappear.

Your experience is extremely common, though: People take a stimulant, either from their doctor or from a friend, and feel great. They think that if they can secure a constant supply, they will feel that way forever. Unfortunately, it can actually distract from the true goals of ADHD treatment when people start chasing that short-lived feeling while neglecting the treatment of their attention.

The truth is that after someone has taken a stimulant for years, it no longer makes them "feel amazing" like that, even though it can help the ADHD. The brain reaches a new homeostasis in the reward centers. This introduces a secondary problem, wherein any missed doses or attempts to lower the dose produces a rebound effect where mood, motivation, and focus are temporarily lowered due to deviation from that new homeostasis.

In short: Don't read too much into how you felt while taking powerful stimulants for a short while. It's not analogous to the therapeutic effects of ADHD treatment, though it's easy to mistake one for the other.