(this post may come across like a rant, but it's not meant to be. rather i am writing down my thought process as i analyse this problem, so it's more of a stream of consciousness while i try to grapple the subject)

you mean like hackernews? i have been active here for years without it leading to any kind of notable connection. i have been active on other sites before that (like slashdot, stackoverflow, linux user groups, programming languages). of all these, linkedin seems the most useful although i have not been actively participating there, because it sends me alerts when someone of my connections is hiring. maybe i should become active there to get noticed. but at least here on HN i feel not many would support that idea.

i also went to tech conferences. even organized some. but all this activity has only led to fleeting connections. nothing lasting. and nothing that led to work offers in the past 15 years. i didn't participate for the sake of finding jobs, but i was left with the impression that if i wanted to find jobs then this would not be the way.

the only time this was working was when i was still a student and i was able to actively participate in a programming language community while working on volunteer projects in that language. but the community was to small, and eventually opportunities dried out. and once i had family i just could not keep up the activity. i don't have time for side projects any more. any programming related activity has to come out of my work time now. but helping others with programming problems does not count as work, so the moment i have a full time job i have to drop out. in other words, the effort i put in in order for it to pay off is more than i can afford.

and i don't have the impression that anyone has kept me on their radar. but likewise neither have i kept anyone i met on my radar. i believe that my HN history can establish that i am at least good at communicating, and maybe reasonably smart (reliability is harder to show i suppose), so i don't think that should be my problem.

and then there is the question of which community to participate in. there are so many to choose from. python, javascript, django, angular, php, laravel, you name it. i don't want to be stuck with one particular tech stack. i want to try new things, learn new frameworks and tools. from the job offers i have seen, i should learn go and react. but how much effort will i have to put in before that will land me a job? it feels like it's going to be more than i can afford without neglecting my other obligations.

in short, i feel torn, because i don't know where i should put the effort. i pick one, and as long as there is no success i keep having the fear that i am doing it wrong. how long do you keep that up before trying something else? it's like the problem of every startup. when do you decide that your startup failed? actually, that's easier to answer. when the startup is not profitable and i have run out of money. so when i am out of a job and i don't find a new one in my network, does that mean my networking efforts have failed and i should try networking elsewhere?

trying to build a network when you need work doesn't seem like a viable strategy. it is something you do on the side, while you have a job, for the future, as a low priority activity. but that is what makes networking so difficult, and why some here feel they are not good at it. it's not because they are bad at communicating, something i expect that book recommendation would be able to help with, but because for a low priority activity the effort is to much, especially for introverts.