In theory, you could pick up your one language, say, Java, and through the course of a normal career learn everything necessary to program in that language in the best possible way.

In practice, it's a pretty well-known phenomenon experienced by many skilled programmers that being forced into different styles by different languages results in learning things that you would only have learned very slowly if you had stuck only to your original language. To be concrete about the "very slowly", I'm talking time frames of your entire career, if not your entire life and beyond. It would be a long time programming in Java before you discover the concept of something like "pure functions" as a distinct sort of function, a desirable sort of function, and one that you might want organize your programming style around.

Of course, having heard of the concept already, we'd all like to fancy ourselves smart enough to figure it out in less than, say, three decades. But we're just lying to ourselves when we do that. Even the smartest of us is not as smart as all of us. You are not independently capable of rediscovering everything all the various programming communities have discovered over decades. If you want to know what even the smartest of us can do on their own without reference to decades of experience of others, you can look into the state of computer programming in more-or-less the 1980s, 90s if you're feeling generous. I think we've learned a lot since then, and the delta between the modern programmer and a 1980s programmer certainly isn't in their IQ or anything similar, it is in their increased collective community experience.

By getting out into systems that force us to learn different paradigms, and into communities that have learned how to use them, we draw on the experience of others and cover far more ground than we could ever have covered on our own, or in the context of a single language where we can settle into a local optima comfort zone. Jumping out of your original community is kind of an annealing process for our programming skills.

"The best “fp” I’m using nowadays is closures, currying in the form of func.bind(this[, first]) and map/filter."

That is really not the lesson about software design that FP teaches, and blindly carrying those principles into imperative programming is at times a quite negative value, as your experience bears out. FP has more to say about purity of functions, the utility of composition of small parts, the flexibility of composition with small parts, ways to wrap parts of the program that can't be handled that way, and providing an existence proof that despite what an imperative programmer might think it is in fact possible to program this way at a system architecture level. I actually agree 100% that anyone whose takeaway from FP is "we should use map everywhere because they're better than for loops and anyone who uses for loops is a Bad Programmer" missed the forest for the leaves, and I choose that modification of the standard metaphor carefully. I consider my programming style highly influenced by my time in functional programming land and you'd need to do a very careful search to find a "map" in my code. That's not what it's about. I'm not surprised when imperative code is messed up by translating that into it.