this is an important point. i remember while in school we were sent into a library that had documentation on the various apprentice and training programs that existed, detailing the regulations and requirements for each. but i also remember it being a grey wall of shelves with folders all looking the same, totally uninspiring. i was able to look up the things that i was already interested in but i did not get any inspiration for what else i could be doing.

we did two internships, one in 9th grade and one in 10th. we had to find those internships ourselves, go to the companies, ask and apply. (as a practice how to apply for jobs)

i had no idea what i wanted to do. the first internship i did at a bike shop because i had built my own bike before so i casually asked, and then they accepted me before i was even sure that this is what i wanted to do myself. i was to unsure of myself to tell them that i had not even decided myself. it was a wasted opportunity because i already knew a lot about bikes, so i barely learned anything new. at best i learned about dealing with bosses and managers, but even that hardly registered. the second internship was better, at a company designing ship propulsion systems. i got introduced to CAD on paper and on the computer and to work in a machine shop to create machine parts. not something i wanted to do, but it gave me insights into that industry that i still find valuable today.

long story short, the problem was that i had no idea what i wanted to do. the one dream job (ships captain) was kind of out of reach because the training on the ship would have meant to stop wearing my braces which required monthly dentist visits. or at least so i thought. because the real problem was that there was noone to talk to about these concerns.

so i just stumbled into IT.

i mean, sure, i was the kid who spent their afternoons after class alone in the computerlab in school. (even got locked in once because the cleaners didn't realize i was in there) but then i did an internship at a friends software company and decided that working in an office all day was not for me.

but i went on to study computer science anyways. again, because i lacked inspiration to study anything else. i was always picking stuff i was already familiar with.

i was traveling a lot by myself in the school holidays, but i never even considered what kind of jobs might be available in that space.

so yeah, i was one of those kids without a dream or with a dream that i believed was out of reach. and my career development was a sequence of coincidences. i eventually realized that programming was fun, thanks to roxen and pike, despite that office internship experience. and the relative higher pay afforded me some freedoms and the ability to take risks i would not have been able to otherwise. my affinity for travel opened up jobs all across the world, and so in the end despite struggling to find work now, i am pretty happy with where i ended up.

it is difficult to say what would have helped to develop more ideas for potential work i could be doing. more internships would probably have been good as well as other opportunities to get an insight into various jobs and industries. individual career counseling that really tries to work out potential interests. are there books or movies that could be inspiring?