(Most of the speech below - just the salient parts)

> [...] I will give you my three real keys to life: number one, bust your ass; number two, pay attention; number three, fall in love.

> Number one you obviously already know: whatever you're doing - I don't care if it's your job, your hobby, a relationship, getting a reservation at M Sushi - make an effort, just pure stupid "no real idea what I'm doing here" effort. Effort always yields a positive value - even if the outcome of the effort is absolute failure of the desired result, this is a rule of life; "just swing the bat and pray" is not a bad approach to a lot of things.

> Number two, pay attention. If you're in a small submersible ... and the captain of the vessel is using a Game Boy Controller. Pay attention to that what are you checking out down there: "Oh I see what happened: this ship sank, now I understand why it never made it into port...". If the fish where you are have eyes like Shelly Duval and a Bendy straw with a work light hanging off their head you do not belong there; if the fish are going "I can't see a goddamn thing" you won't either.

> Number three: fall in love. It's easy to fall in love with people: I suggest falling in love with anything and everything; every chance you get fall in love - with your coffee, your sneakers, your blue zone parking space... I've had a lot of fun in life falling in love with stupid meaningless physical objects. The object I love the most is the clear barrel Bic pen $1.29 for a box of 10. I can fall in love with a car turn signal switch that has a nice feel to it, a pizza crust that collapses with just the right amount of pressure. I have truly spent my life focusing on the smallest things imaginable, completely oblivious to all the big issues of living. Find something where you love the good parts and don't mind the bad parts too much, the torture you're comfortable with. This is the golden path to victory in life: work, exercise, relationships, they all have a solid component of pure torture and they are all 100% worth it.

> We're embarrassed about things we should be proud of and proud of things we should be embarrassed about. [...] AI ... is the most embarrassing thing we've ever invented in Mankind's time on earth: "oh so you can't do the work is that what you're telling me, you can't figure it out" - this seems to be the justification of AI - "I couldn't do it". This is something to be embarrassed about, the ad campaign for chat GPT should be the opposite of Nike - "you just can't do it". [...] We're smart enough to invent AI dumb enough to need it and still so stupid we can't figure out if we did the right thing. "Making work easier", this is the problem: so obsessed with getting to the answer, completing the project, producing a result - which are all valid things, but not where the richness of The Human Experience lies. The only two things you ever need to pay attention to in life are work and love: things that are self-justified in the experience and who cares about the result; stop rushing to what you perceive as some valuable end point, learn to enjoy the expenditure of energy that may or may not be on the correct path.

> [...] The less secure and confident you feel in the direction the more surprises and excitement you will have in store: that's good! [...] If you took a stupid job that you find out you hate and you don't leave that's your fault: don't blame work, work is wonderful. [...] The one thing I know about this gang here you are all worker bees and I mean that as the highest compliment.

> Probably the biggest point I would like to make to you here today, regarding humor. [...] I totally admire the ambitions of your generation to create a more just and inclusive society, I think it is also wonderful that you care so much about not hurting other people's feelings in the million and one ways we all do that every second of every day, it's lovely to want to fix those things but, all caps BUT, what I need to tell you as a comedian: do not lose your sense of humor. You can have no idea at this point in your life how much you are going to need it to get through; not enough of life makes sense for you to be able to survive it without humor. And I know all of you here are going to use all of your brains and muscle and soul to improve the world and I know you're going to do a bang up job and when you're done as I am now I bet the world because of you will be a much better place - but it will still not make a whole hell of a lot of sense, it'll be a better different but still pretty insane mess, and it is worth the sacrifice of an occasional discomfort to have some laughs... Don't lose that, even if it's at the cost of occasional hard feelings. It's okay, you got to laugh: that is the one thing at the end of your life you will not wish you did less. Humor is the most powerful, most survival essential quality you will ever have or need to navigate through the Human Experience. [...] The one thing I really do care about communicating to you is: don't lose your humor, forget the rest; [...] don't lose your your humor: it's not an accessory - it's your Stanley Cup water bottle on the brutal long hike of life. And humor is not just for the stress relief or even just the simple fun of laughing, but for the true perspective of the silliness of all humans and all existence - that's why you don't want to lose it. Try to enjoy some of the dumbness of it all. That's the best life advice I can give you.