What those adult consequences are does depend on what one being bullied does about it and how.

I was bullied to the point of near complete ostracision in high school.

After a few months, I had a talk with some adults I knew outside my usual circle. These were mentors, some tech people teaching me assembly language and radio. Others were farmers, military, one business owner.

The advice and knowledge I was given varied dramatically! The official circle of people I was supposed to listen to were kind of weak and a lot of their focus was avoidance and coping until adulthood. Parents and school.

Pardon me, but fuck that!

These other people were far more real in what they told me and I felt empowered to not be a victim.

Let's just say I spent a year making sure some bullies paid extremely high prices for bullying me. Some ended up with cars that would not work anymore without very expensive repairs. Some had accidents on stairs and other advantageous places. Still others lost relationships with people they valued highly.

Put simply, in those years I learned the true meaning of "do what it takes."

I got whomped on a few times and that was about it. And when that happened I made damn sure to make sure it cost them. Usually they won, but also usually they did not do it again.

A lot of what happened could never be associated with me. Funny thing about bullies. When they are impacted to the point of real loss, material goods, status, etc... they often find they lack what it takes to bully.

And I turned out just fine. Left my small town with a bunch of skills and a small circle of friends I know to this day.

Since that time, I have rarely felt the need to do those sorts of things. It is nice to know I can. It sucks to know I may have to.

Not sorry. No regrets.

In ny post childhood life away from the hate churches and pools of well meaning but very toxic people, I was able to rid my life of personal judgements and fear, blame and shame.

I amplify the good in my circles. The people on my teams are encouraged to take no shit. Don't be mean. In fact, be nice to the point of helping enemies while making it clear far worse could be happening.

People do change.

Some change because they want to. That's me. I want to be a good human and got no time for low quality ones and their painful and often expensive general fuckery.

Some change out of fear, or cost too. I know I have a few of those under my belt. A few of those people are friends now. People who I would help at great personal cost and risk. I reached them. It was expensive and painful to do.

This world is pretty damn harsh. Our government is lackluster on a good day and people range all over the map. It can be hard to make a buck too.

Fact is, we need to take damn good care of our own and make sure they are empowered to give every bit of what they get, but not even a small measure more. Equally empowered to extend a hand in help. And above all, feel no shame for who they were born as. Nope. None of that shit makes sense.

Looking at me you would never know. Good. That means I got fully past whatever it is, which leaves me free to amplify good where and with whom I can.

And in that sense, we live in the world we create.

Mine does not have tolerance of bullying in it. Mine says you get to live your truth with no fear, blame or shame. None of us picked being straight, queen, gay, trans, whatever.

Mine says you are smart enough to do whatever it is and there is no shame asking for help either.

And how lucky did I get?

Found a woman who was also bullied, and who also did much of what I write here! She is the best and was better than me in some much needed ways. Great! We are who we hang with and who we value.

Choose carefully and the benefits are life long. Ignore that reality and the pain and suffering, struggle is also life long.

At any given time we have the rest of our lives to get these things right and benefit from having done so. Why doddle?

We are passing these things along. Here is an example:

Son in primary school has peer saying "nigger", "nigger" to my son non stop. Yes, he is black and I am not. No, it does not matter.

He went with all the conflict resolution strategies the school and other professionals insisted on.

One day he came home and said he has had quite enough. Nothing worked.

Ok fine. Fact is nothing worked because none of that stuff actually reached the other peer where it matters!

I told him to make it hurt. But nothing life changing. No biting off of things, no poking out, ripping, breaking bones... just make it hurt and when the authority calls you off, comply and have them give me a call.

I got the call and arrived in a room with a principal, the parents of the kid who just got hurt, the kid who got hurt, my son and me.

I walked in, made polite greetings all around and then nicely, but firmly put a stop to the conversation starting about how my son needs to... nope. Full stop.

I said the cost of racism just went up. Kid does it again, they can expect the same response. I asked him directly if he would please find something, anything else to entertain himself.

Told him the hurt he is feeling is the same hurt my son felt fro a few months!

Made sure he knew it just does not have to be this way too. His call.

They suspended my son, who I immediately handed one $20 for each day to spend at his grandparents house doing keep up work which we expected to leave home with that day.

Needless to say they were shocked!

I got called a lot of things which I ignored completely.

We packed up, wished them well and left.

Kid never said nigger to my son again.

Years later they ended up on the same ball team I was coaching. That kid comes up and asks if we have a problem.

Of course not! I give him that shoulder touch of encouragement a coach will sometimes do for a player they feel will benefit from and said, "Let's go have a great season playing ball!"

Turns out it was that kids father instigated that shit. Kid told me after a time and man was I pissed! The very same parents expressing righteous indignation so many years ago, as if! (I am feeling a bit of that anger still. Good grief!)

My son and that kid remain good friends.

Like others here, my own Dad bullied me too. That is what drove me to seek others outside my circle for help. IMHO, having a parent do that is the worst!

It does real harm that endures. Healing that harm is hard. It is real, ugly, messy, human work.

I had to put my own father in jail for bullying my mother who never did anything but be good to others and try hard to make sure we always had food to eat. I had a gun pointed at me once too. Talked him down, got it and tossed it in a pond while waiting for police to arrive. (That was tough and quite possibly the most difficult thing I have ever done.)

Had I not received the wisdom and empowerment I did, I have no doubt I would have not married the fine woman I did and would be a very different person today. Likely a fearful, weaker, sad one.

I might be dead. I wonder if that other possible me would stay cool at gunpoint...

I got lucky and I know it. So many of us are unlucky.

When we see that, we can help. I think we should, and I personally do.