I did my tech in organizations that had regular working hours, so for a lot of the time, I alternated shifts with my R.N. wife. I got to bond with the youngster, which was a great experience.

Later, some day care took care of the gaps. However, I never had a support system other than the Swiss couple across the street.

I find few support groups for men and dads. A while back, I discovered Chuck Fink, who started a men’s support group in Asheville, but he has focused on story telling since then.

https://www.chuckfinkstoryteller.com/

Such groups, should they still exist, are not macho beer-swilling arm-wrestling opps. Now that I’m senior, I’d like to see more support for seniors, who are not so much overwhelmed as ignored. I did make this a bit worse by moving to the boondocks. Beautiful as all get-out but far from family and most friends, both new and old. I’m not going to judge others, because I am highly independent, and probably more responsible for the isolation as anyone else (other than the choice of location, which had something to do with limited money after splitting up.)

I had a lot of “kids” ( postdocs, actually ) while doing computer support at university, and many are quite successful and well known, but I’m proudest of my own child.

It was very hard keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances in the bay area.

Family, though distant, is still the best resource, even if just emotional. For a while, I was involved with, and briefly president of, a fly-fishing club. I found that hobbies were a great way to connect with others who were often completely different, and that was rewarding. Besides the fishing interest, I connected with others via photography. A service buddy and I were such avid photographers that we passively got a guy from PA to switch from shooting deer with a rifle to shooting them with a camera. Less so, via music, since I am not a very good pianist, and never have a showpiece ready to share. I’ll work on that, and think about moving to a nearby city. The two nearest ones have universities.

I am fairly near Yosemite, and have a senior and veteran free pass, but it’s still a hour drive, a long day carrying heavy cameras and a long drive back. I’d actually be arguably better off at a greater distance, carpooling.

My Mom used to visit from the east coast once a year, until Dad’s health worsened. We explored much of CA, and I later did more of that with wife and child. But let’s face it, all dads are busy with home and kids, and meeting other dads, having joint family fishing/photo trips require outreach.

As I noted, I live in a beautiful location with 140 degree views on either side of the ridge, trails through manzanita trees, and neat rock walls on the other side, and friends from 50 miles away don’t visit. I can’t move mountains but I can try harder to reach out. Despite my work experience getting along with many others, I am still mostly an introvert (who else is listening to the opera this morning?) but I do make the 50 mile trip to visit my old friend Trader Joe about once a week.

There’s a fine line between nagging and reaching out. People are often slow to respond. I guess one has to nag. Too bad. That’s life.