I'd like to summarize what you speak of above.

*

Career: You have multiple degrees, lost work during COVID19, have Bellingcat certification, and have not been able to find any new employment, including physical low-level jobs like dishwasher.

Savings: You indicate you were evicted from your home after your family withdrew support, but despite the phrase 'withdrew support', seem to also indicate they are funding the monthly bill for your current long-term hotel. You have no savings.

Emotion: You have CPTSD, you feel anxious/fearful, you have low hope, and you feel betrayed and taken advantage of.

Substance Abuse: you are drinking, but not using hard drugs.

Health: Due to the blood sugar comment, I'm presuming you may have diabetes, or blood sugar issues.

*

I'm going to make some suggestions. I'm entering into a bit of a colder mode as I write this. Because of this, I want to pre-emptively say that I DO have empathy for you; it's just the place I go when I try to channel survivalism instincts.

*

PHYSICAL

It is often easy to believe our body and our mind are separate; that our soul is different from our body. But alcohol is a depressant. Low blood sugar will make you sad and angry. In both those cases, those feelings will not feel like they come from your biology; you will feel you have perfect mental/emotional reasons to feel that way. So, for this first item:

First, I would suggest at this point you vow to not take another drink, at least for now, and only resume at some far future point where your life is stable, where you feel well, and, most importantly, where you've talked the decision over with a mental health professional, to rule out any concern of addiction. This is not criticism of you; this is a survivalist decision. I had a friend literally drink himself to organ failure and die. Every person in the world will claim they can manage their illness.

(Also, alcohol makes your blood sugar drop. Your liver stops working on producing glucose, as it gives higher priority to the poison (alcohol). As such, since it's not producing glucose any more, your blood sugar drops.)

Second, go to a free health clinic, and have someone there test your A1C. It will tell you what your blood sugar's been over the last three months. I suspect your blood sugar isn't stable. If it's constantly too low, you will feel sad, shaky, angry, and you can't operate. If it's constantly too high, there's many other issues. If it's stable, then good. (As a side note, only AFTER you know that your blood sugar isn't too high -- and don't think that that's solely food-related -- most pharmacies sell little packs of glucose tablets about the size of a Life Savers roll, back near the pharmacy, as well as larger jars. For simply addressing the low sugar concern, they are useful.)

CAREER

To me, I see the lack of ability to get manual work like dishwashing as a flag that something may be wrong with how you are presenting yourself at job interviews. As such, if there is anyone who is the kind of person who is in the job-seeking or "day-to-day" world -- perhaps shelter management, perhaps somewhere else -- who can give you a honest opinion, try that. I have seen people who are well-meaning but who have one fatal flaw in how they present themselves that will torpedo any interview they go to. I am guessing you may have one, and you may simply need someone to tell you so you can correct it. You basically need to find someone who will let you do practice interviews and give you feedback -- and then take that feedback, with no ego. What you're used to - or what you think worked for you - isn't any longer, so you need to follow others' advice.

After that, if I were in your circumstance, I'd look for this - perhaps a Walmart worker, perhaps a dishwasher, perhaps something - and work that job until you have a modicum of stability on a lower level than perhaps you're used to pre-layoff. Once you have a moderate income coming in, then start to look at your resume and your work in the field you wish to return to. Start applying to those, but do so when the pressure has been removed from you in terms of day-to-day living by your interim job. It will mean you will come across as more self-assured and relaxed at an interview, and these translate to positive impressions.

INTERIM ADVICE

Go to Reddit. Look at /r/povertyfinance, /r/assistance, /r/homeless, /r/almosthomeless, /r/food_pantry.

Libraries have also become tremendous resources for those in dire need, including homeless. Go to your nearest one. Ask if they have resources they might suggest. Only in the reddest of states -- and maybe not even there, as most librarians are good everywhere -- might you encounter any unpleasant responses.

MENTAL ATTITUDE

As someone with /r/CPTSD herself (and yes, Reddit has a /r/CPTSD forum that is very good), as someone who has definitely despaired and been a month or two away from losing it all, I will tell you that I personally have experienced much (not all) of what you've gone through.

It is extremely, extremely easy to say to yourself that you have lost control. That you are helpless, and that you are having things done to you.

For me, I have coped through a sort of internal "parts work" or "Internal Family Systems" concept -- basically, in that I mentally assign roles to different people in my head. I don't mean this to insult anyone who legitimately struggles with DID, but I have done a lot of emotional coping in my life by having people inside me argue.

And, as I suggested above, what I think might be of benefit to you is to let a cold, iron controller take control of you. Let them say damn the world, you are taking control of your life. There is a poem out there called 'Invictus'. It is public domain, and free on Wikipedia. It ends with: "I am the master of my fate / I am the captain of my soul." Hang it on your wall. Say that you will seize control. Things won't be done to you; you will do. That doesn't mean act on every emotion; a captain doesn't just madly stake a claim to steer into the rocks and demand everyone follow him into the crash.

But take your compass and plot your course, then steer your ship. STEER YOUR SHIP. Seize the wheel.

I wish you luck.