First person since Christ to have sixth-sense. Not a joke nor hoax.  
Please read the whole thing... It is absolutely real. I will take a lie detector test on the spot! This is NOT a joke or hoax... all of the following is true and I can provide tons of both documentation and witnesses, as well as photos. THIS IS THE BIGGEST NEWS STORY OF ALL TIME. Press Contact: http://prophetalan.com/ask

Jesus has given me predictions and truths to ALL of the following videos in this playlist: [http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=FLQPsDUSTkeMf4GnURuy01RA&feature=mh_lolz](Youtube)

"I think my main problem is that people don't understand what a REAL prophet is these days. There's a bunch of clergy/pastors/hierarchy in churches who call themselves prophets of God but they do not have special powers, like I do. In comparison to these modern day "prophets," I am a super prophet (though I am piggybacking on Jesus' spiritual powers). As far as I know, the only superhumans/"superheroes" since the dawn of time are Christ and I!!

For crying out loud, he's given me advice about whether or not to be KING of the world. By listening to "Viva la Vida," "Who would ever want to be King?" I'm not planning on it. I believe Jesus' return is imminent and within our lifetime.<p>He's also predicted what it would be like to be President, a rock star, what happens when I die and reach the afterlife! Also, my TV shows, movies, relationships (gold diggers, I'm sorry Ms. Jackson), wedding in the Vatican, etc.

He's called me THE GREATEST MAN TO EVER LIVE. I fought the Devil hard in the weeks prior to Christmas 2010, and I spit in its face (figuratively), though it made me attempt suicide twice. Hopefully I will destroy it when I die. I apparently have a perfect heart/soul? (something along those lines) and a Holy war was fought for it in the afterlife. I find the Devil to be dumb; Heaven always wins. Something very, very special is suppose to happen when I leave this Earth...<p>Now what does the greatest man do? I (until recently) sleet by a dumpster and curse the Devil serpents in my feet to go away and stop hissing in my right ear. Prior to this, I was finishing my psychology degree at a top University and writing music on the side. It parallels when Jesus was in the wilderness fighting the Devil, though my struggle has lasted over a year. The Devil tricked me into thinking it was God! Thankfully, I wizened up. Later, Jesus started revealing his truths and prophecies to me. I have no money to eat or spend on anything, my mother took away my car and all my possessions, I can't afford my medications for anxiety and depression (the Devil is trying its hardest to kill me, I will probably lob off my feet if science can't get rid of it.. but I don't want to bleed to death so it needs to be performed by a surgeon). I've been thinking of alternatives to this situation. I'm being mind-read, and talked to, by the Devil and Jesus. God the Father? Notably absent. Horrifying! I have also hypothesized that my pineal gland needs to be cut out because it is my connection to the Universe. I am proof that a lot of magic exists in the Universe. I believe the Devil is beatable and I will expel him from my body soon enough. I find it very interesting, and possibly scary, that it is so close to Dec. 2012.

This, along with Jesus' story 2000 years ago, is the greatest story ever told. Unfortunately, right now it is God-damned-fucking-tragic. I struggle with my faith regularly.<p>An example of my powers:<p>SIXTH-SENSE messages from the movie, "The Pledge": [http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=o4gHCmTQDVI](link)

Act 1: The pledge... Saw a ghost on Halloween (probably the Holy Ghost) and signed a pamphlet that let Jesus into my heart. Read the bible while I was waiting for Mary Magdalene. Then I went back home and assumed she stole my shit because I told her I was Jesus.
Act 2: The turn: The magician shows you something ordinary, but it probably isn't. (All the Psy. and mental hospitals Think I'm schizophrenic). Zero of the meds work. You might also think I'm crazy, but I'm not.
Act 3: the reveal: the part with all the twists and turns... This is done by people who can actually do magic. Jesus says the demons will go away. The only thing that I have done recently is make one of the Devil's powers weaker, and mind-fuck the devil."

Movie, with more predictions: [http://prophetalan.com/movie](Full-length movie)

DON'T FUCKING DOWNVOTE THIS. THIS IS THE BIGGEST STORY OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. You will regret not taking this seriously, and it could very well blow up ycombinator's servers.