tl;dr: connect with things you enjoy, find ways to document or share what you are doing. I quit drinking it really helped. The job market just sucks right now, it's not just you.

I have had a very similar experience. I'm dealing with the burnout. It's like that software analogy of building a new plane to jump into as you get out of the old one. Except your plane is falling apart too fast and there aren't enough parts left to make a new plane. You are still falling at 300 feet per second and everybody you talk to about your problem can't understand why you won't just suck it up and accept your fate.

I'm super lucky that I'm in a stable but boring job. My boss is kind and understanding. The main anxiety I experience is the weird culture and pace of work, but the same fear you express about bad things happening and being left behind is still present even though my job is secure for now. It's an ok job for now but it's not where I belong long-term and that gives me the same feelings I had when I was unemployed for 1+ year / months at a time.

I can't tell you what will work, but I can tell you what I'm doing.

1. I have created a youtube channel where I film my outdoor adventures. I'm not suggesting you become a youtuber but I am suggesting you find a way to do things you enjoy and document them. I would never give myself credit for what I do (I still suck at this) but when I upload a video I can't help but give myself credit for work done even though I'm an unproductive and useless piece of shit or whatever my traumatized brain has cooked up this date

2. I am creating a website to sell fishing lures. You. mentioned the issue with getting tooling spun up that's too much for one man... I had this issue going from docker to kubernetes and I never really had the professional support to make it to K8. Eventually I realized I hated managing infrastructure and even though I'm an API guy I have been working on next.js sites to just MAKE STUFF and work on doing things even if what I'm doing at work is unproductive from a career perspective

3. Therapy. I'm in it. It's taken over a year to get some real progress, and im on my second therapist. First one was OK but didn't specialize in ADHD / Aspergers which led to a sort of impasse of progress. Find the right person who you trust. It matters so much. Therapy has gotten me to a point where I view medication as something that can help me deal with my situation vs "everyone wants to drug me into submission".

4. I quit drinking over a year ago and I think for the past 4-5 years I was functionally alcoholic as I prolonged my burnout and subsequent job struggle. Drinking wasn't the problem for performing work, the issue was that it was used on a daily basis to numb myself to the pain and suffering of what was going on. Alcohol is remarkably effective at this, and in my opinion too effective. I lost a ton of weight, i've never felt better and i never get hangovers. I won't drink alcohol ever again and the reasons I've stuck with it have changed... but its gone from a thing where I wish I could have a drink to I straight up just don't want it anymore because I like the better me I am without it.

Find ways to reconnect with what you enjoyed in the early days of programming. For me it's creating a robot that draws pictures of people. I want it to work before I share it with the world. Find a thing you can put 30mins or an hour into each day and grow into something that matters to you. Your vibe will attract your tribe. Three years ago I uploaded a video of me ice skating and now I have new friends to do activities with and my work is being taken seriously (by an advertiser) in a new career space.

I don't know if I'm ever going to get a real developer job again. I want it. I miss PRs and code review and system design and real database interactions. For whatever reason I cannot communicate my skills and experiences to recruiters... and I've effectively been walled out of the job I want for several years. I feel your pain even if your path is different.

At some point you just gotta start doing shit, whatever your hands can reach. Don't think too much just make the most of your situation. Can't wait for inspiration to come save you, life is not going to throw either of us a raft.

Start swimming, that's what I'm doing.