I'm in midtown Manhattan, in a very small apartment, so the kid has been under our noses until now. He's 14.5, Iphone XR and his own self assembled gaming rig, almost no restrictions. He's a nearly straight A student, he chose to avoid the big magnet schools and is going to a cool collaborative public High School that Steve Wozniack funded thirty some years ago. I was born in 68 the Mrs in 65, so I understand what he's doing she doesn't almost at all, it's like we are from different generations. I spent lots of time watching him use tech, including watching what he watches on Youtube and what games he plays. I only placed soft limits on like I didn't want him playing war games and the like, that has softened a little as he and his crew go on GTA missions sometimes. We actually know his peer group from scouts, school, and a few get togethers, and one freind of a friend has famous parents so no contact with those parents other than a few text msg when that dad took his kid and my son to Great Adventure on a Vip thing, which is an incredible value, we've met the rest of the parents. I even got his Discord ID and have his Mom on there too, so we all have both ways to be in contact. We did severely limit TV his first few years. Funniest moment was during some live thing he asked to forward through the commercials. We gave him a button phone in maybe 2nd or 3rd grade when he started having a button phone for contacting us. He started with a LeapSomething with the buttons. maybe a couple of grades later he started using a laptop independently. Funniest moment was in Kindergarten he was in the side room with the computer and asked "how do you spell gold & silver", he was searching for a specific chess set he'd seen at school. Grades later I guided him on a research project, in 5th grade all the kids in the state do Native Americans. I guided him to research the Lenapie as they were the local group, including where I grew up, so he was able to do something different than most of the kids. He did the work I just guided the information search. He's been using the library his whole life and is aware of it's use as far a serendipity of being around things you aren't actually looking and the reference sections go. Mom covered the basic safety like no stranger will reasonably need your help or have anything good to offer you. She pushed the independence thing, where she left him a Union Square NYC playground while she shopped the green market. We had him take the bus to elementary school and signed the waver to let him off at like 8 years old, the bus driver had never seen the waver even once. the stop was around the corner from us no streets to cross, and he'd hang with a friend and nanny at first but by 3rd grade he was walking to the stop in the AM and always coming home solo or going over a neighbor friend's. As to booze and such, I emphasize it's best to wait, as it can get him in trouble while underage, etc. I also explained that the ones who start with the drugs in Middle School and High School first are likely to include the ones going Skitzo and that it would be hard to go through watching a friend go down that spiral, he knows grass isn't some scary thing but he has an idea it will be best to wait. I suggest that he should focus on dating before he drinks and smokes as that is something he can't get a do over on, where he can start with those later in college or beyond. Mom is pushing the notion that street powders can be laced.