>First of all, if I fought back, they would perceive it as a challenge to their dominance, and then they would beat the fuck out of me without holding anything back. Previously they would beat me up just enough that I could live to get beat up again another day, but if I really pissed them off, they might beat me up so hard I get killed.

This is all in your head. You build this scenario to cope with bad situation :( Assuming US: https://wonder.cdc.gov/controller/datarequest/D158;jsessioni... 31 in 2019.

https://ojjdp.ojp.gov/newsletter/ojjdp-news-glance-marchapri... "Youth age 17 and younger committed 14 percent of the child homicides that occurred between 2003 and 2019 (among cases in which the perpetrator’s age was known)"

~15% committed by other children. So statistically in 2019 5 white boys have been killed by their peers in an assault. Almost all assaults involved guns https://www.kff.org/global-health-policy/issue-brief/child-a...

Child being killed in a fight/brawl with other children in school setting is so rare you wont be able to find more than a handful cases in last 20 years. I could only locate two, both girls. Girls are really vicious and unlike boys often go for permanent injury during a fight. https://abcnews.go.com/US/13-year-houston-girl-dies-jumped-l... https://abcnews.go.com/US/charges-filed-death-5th-grader-ran.... Plenty crime/gang related examples (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Reena_Virk https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-tyne-65275440), but very little direct assaults by bullies.

>A better strategy I always wanted to try was threatening to bring a gun to school and kill them all

No doubt you were paralyzed by fear, but this is crazy talk! I had my share of bullying in grade school. I put the blame on lack of strong male role model leading to social maladjustment. Years of running to mummy and teachers (typical reactions ranging from 'boys will be boys' to 'no matter who started everyone gets penalized' or the worst 'shake hands and apologize to each other') with no help in sight. All sharply ended when I finally stood up for myself to just one of aggressors last year of school. I later helped another victim in high school by instructing him to fight back, worked exactly the same. It didnt matter he couldnt fight at all and got beat up, that was the last time bully targeted him, he became too much of a hassle for a cheap laugh.

>In the end, it was just easier to get beat up and avoid dying as much as possible.

Again this is what fear made you believe. Bullies dont want fights, bullies want to bully. Fight brings risk to the table, risk of being caught, risk of injury, worst of all risk of humiliation. They seek to spread unchallenged humiliation and violence, thats why they pick helpless victims. Btw someone in permanent victim mentality stands out to psychopaths from a mile away, they can spot vulnerable people at a glance: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/2... Anecdotally I was never perceived as potential victim in high school or later in life, it all stopped when I finally gathered enough confidence to take control of my own fear and confront the bully*

I sincerely hope you got better, managed to adjust and gained enough self-esteem to put past behind you and not let fear control your life.

*) Breaking his nose with my knee didnt hurt either. By accident mind you, kid twice my weight charged head first and I instinctively bend my knee. I kept repeating that motion until he stopped pushing me into the wall. Then I noticed my shoe and leg soaked in blood. School tried to expel me (for self defense!) but that went nowhere quick when a history of reporting being punched/kicked by this very kid for 3 years straight somehow all of a sudden came to light and friend of my mum (mum would just take it without protesting) started shouting at school principal and demanding Police involvement. Once again none of this would have happened with strong personality in the house, it took my mums friend to finally punch thru teacher indifference and put some fear of consequences into them.