Ok now, that all sounds pretty ridiculous...
[Full disclosure: I’ve been using Windows 8 since around launch and, I like it.]

First-off, I just really don’t see how a 13 year-old’s ability to install a beta operating system has anything to do with the merits of the product whatsoever..? And, from my experience installing it and guiding a few less-technical people through it, I’d say that if he can read it’s actually quite simple (download setup tool, run it, click ‘next’ a few times, wait, and done). The degree of difficulty is no greater or less than that of installing any other application on a PC or MAC (sure, it’s not as easy as installing Temple Run on an iPhone, but it’s not rocket science either).

Also, "...once I found my way to the desktop..."? It’s the giant rectangle with the word ‘desktop’ on it.. I realize the Metro UI is relatively new and can be a big shock compared to the traditional Windows experience, but I have a hard time believing you (based on your descriptions, I’d say a pretty intense power user) are unable to figure out something so basic. Beyond that, once in the desktop, everything works essentially the same as it did in Windows 7. Only real (possibly negative) exception is that the the Start Button is missing from the taskbar. You can still access explorer, go online, download all your applications, use all the same shortcuts, etc... So what exactly is the issue you’re having? In addition to all this, and in place of the Start Button/Menu, you now have the ‘Start Screen’ which provides the same functionality and more (very easily-discovered tip: just hit the Windows keyboard key anytime and start typing (just like before) to search for applications, documents, settings, or anything else).

I’m not really all that technical as it relates to all this (I work in finance; have no idea what any of "...from mechanical design with Solidworks to elecronic design with Altium Designer and FPGA design with Xilinx and Altera toolsets ... and occasional stints into NetBeans..." is), but I know how to use a computer and I know how to poke around to discover things when I’m presented with something new or different; I’d assume, based on the above, you would be as well. It took me all of 5 minutes to figure out how to navigate and I’m actually really liking many of the new Metro features and enhancements specifically related to ease of use and navigation.

The only point that I absolutely agree with you on is that it can be pretty confusing at first start for someone who’s unfamiliar with the new ‘Metro’ interface. MSfT should, and almost certainly will, include some sort of ‘welcome/WTF is this guide’ at first launch to explain things. But just as in past versions of Windows, or any other OS, or anything for that matter, people will eventually learn what’s relevant for them to do what they need.

I’d say (if you really are an objective user) try it out a bit more and poke around. If all else fails, I believe Windows 8 still has the ability to open a browser (it would be the giant blue/white 'e' tile on the start screen, or taskbar, by default) and search the internet for answers to any ‘issues’ that come-up. After that, get back to us on what you actually think; It’s always good to bring up actual issues and discuss them. I’m not here to say the OS is perfect, there’s plenty that needs some serious work, but at least give some specifics beyond it was hard to imagine how I’d do something on this that I was able to do before, but haven’t tried yet..