Advice needed: what's a destitute hacker to do?
First of all I ask that anyone commenting please leave off criticism of how I got into the situation I did. Trust me, I've already thought over millions of times how I must be an idiot to have gotten into the situation I'm in, and if I could go back and make different decisions I would. But right now I'm not exactly in the best shape to handle criticism, and don't need to be convinced of anything. What I really need is advice for improving my situation, or any info about programs or employers, etc. that I don't know about. I never had a course in high school or college on how to deal with poverty, even though that might have been really helpful right about now.

I graduated from a state university in 2009 with a degree in Computer Science. I graduated with honors and a 3.81 gpa. My gpa could've been a lot higher, but I struggled with untreated clinical-level anxiety throughout school which lead to severe procrastination or simply not turning in certain projects. I got a 1520 on my SATs, was a National Merit Scholar and an IB (International Baccalaureate) graduate. Although I never went through with applying to grad school I got a 1480 on my GREs with a perfect quant score.

Now I'm aware that being a good test-taker doesn't entitle me to anything, and if anything I'm more aware than anyone else how test-taking skills or academic success don't really apply to real-life success. I currently clean houses for a living, and am barely scraping by on that. Recently I lost one of my clients for unforeseen reasons, and that put me back in a risky situation just as far as getting by. I can still pay bills and rent, but my food and gas budgets are really restricted. I'm basically eating beans and rice and not doing so well nutritionally, which has been especially apparent these past few weeks as I've had a cold that doesn't seem to be getting any better.

I am also without health insurance. May of last year was the last time I was employed at a job that provided health insurance, and after about 4 months my savings dwindled to where I couldn't afford to make COBRA payments anymore. This wouldn't be such an issue, but I also have anxiety issues that have gone untreated for a while, especially after I decided to cut back on taking some medication I was previously prescribed due to not being able to meet the monthly costs.

I held a programming job back in May, one that I had for 2 1/2 years before finally resigning. I worked at the University I graduated from helping with a research project. When I graduated in December 2008, most of the companies I had spend the past few months interviewing for had put a stop to their hiring programs, and the job I ended up taking was the only offer extended to me. This would have been fine, but over time and especially towards the end I had a great deal of trouble at that job. It would probably be unfair to call my boss emotionally abusive, but the lack of any praise, the high level of criticism, the lack of any process, the expectation of constant overtime, constant coworker turnover, left me extremely burnt out by the time I left that job. That was in May of 2011.

Besides the fact that my boss continually trash-talked on my predecessor, my boss was infuriated with me for resigning when I did (burn-out hit me really hard and I gave short notice after my productivity dropped and my sleeping habits and punctuality became erratic, and so I thought I was actually doing the responsible thing by resigning since I no longer felt competent).

So anyways with my last job since I left I've had a high level of anxiety that any new job I apply for I have basically had no positive supervisor references. Since I left my last job I have applied for a handful of positions, but with no positive results and a sense that grew over time that I was unemployable due to my mixed work history, and my increasing interval of unemployment (at least in tech). Thank goodness a close friend of mine showed me how to clean houses and passed along clients to me, or I might have been even more thoroughly convinced of how unemployable and worthless I was.

Programming has never been a strong passion of mine, though I am fond of tech and read HN on a daily basis. I think I'm pretty decent at programming simply from being quick to learn new skills and learn from my mistakes, but I've never felt a passion to devote large chunks of my free time to it. I don't have a strong interest in doing personal projects any more than an accountant might crunch numbers just for fun on the weekend. I'm very much a people person too, and if I don't spend time socializing away from the screen in my free time I get depressed and generally unmotivated about a lot of things. I know this automatically puts me on a lower rung when hiring for programming talent, since I don't have any open source projects to show off, or have any number of puzzle solutions memorized for easy pseudo-coding during an interview, but I'd hope that this wouldn't make me unemployable.

I've also been pretty content to move away from the tech field, but since I also have a fairly significant amount of credit card debt which I acquiring during unemployment, after my savings ran out, but before I was making regular income, it's extremely hard for me to pay my bills with the generally low-paying work that I'm doing now (well at least after factoring in lots of unpayed commute time, and limited hours).

And paradoxically it seems to take a not insubstantial amount of money to file a successful case for unemployment, which I'd find pretty funny if it wasn't so depressing. Also low-income health assistance programs, food stamps, etc. can carry a pretty daunting set of requirements and lengthy waiting periods, both of which aren't so great for someone dealing with anxiety and situational depression, and also in need of more immediate assistance. I've tried my best to search for some sort of social work assistance, just for some help sorting through my options and figuring out what steps I need to take to apply, with no luck.

I've worked out I need to make $25k a year after taxes to cover credit card bills, living expenses, and have some sort of small savings (heaven forbid my car ever break down or some other unknown expense come up anytime soon, since I have no way to pay for it). This would be peanuts for any decent-paying career-type job, but it's quite depressing how far above the minimum wage this ends up being, and how far out of reach it might be for anyone with a not-so-stellar resume.

Family is no help right now, as they just don't have the resources to help considering their own financial and medical issues. Not every acquaintance I know is aware of my tough financial situation, due to embarrassment on my part, but I haven't had any luck in exploring opportunities the other 50% have proposed, because they are few and far between and the few that actually existed haven't panned out (I live in the Denver / Boulder area by the way, so I'm not sure if it's just the locale, or who I know or what, but networking hasn't made much of a difference)

So I don't mean to just dump some sob story on HN, or ask for handouts or anything. I'd really just like some advice on what to do. I admit I haven't been the most proactive at doing every thing I could possibly do to break back into the middle class, but believe it or not both a bad reference-less first work experience, unemployment, constant financial worry, etc. can feel a bit hopeless sometimes. And sometimes I'll think I'm making some progress improving at least financially, and then I lose a client the same month I have to make the car insurance payment and things seem even worse.

I'm not asking for advice on how to make myself a candidate to break into the top tech companies, or even get a starting position making the $70k+ a year that a lot of soon-to-be graduates seem to take for granted, even after the financial collapse. My next job doesn't have to be stimulating or glamorous. I don't have any travel money or even extra gas money, which I'm sure complicates things. I'd like to hope that even given the current constraints, that maybe there's still some way I can fix my employment situation and not have to worry if I can pay my bills for the month or if I have enough money to buy fruits and veggies.

So I guess my question to HN is basically, what's a destitute hacker to do?